helloo, i'm new to reddit and downloaded it only because of the click, so forgive me for possible mistakes.
little backstory, i'm a trans kid with a VERY unsupportive and homophobic class. i've changed my name to leo but only my friends and people online actually call me that. my whole class KNOWS my preferred name but still makes fun of it and doesn't call me by it.
so, we were at a school camp thing and we were playing this kind of hide and seek game. one person searches for everyone else, and the hiders try to run up to a certain point to save everyone that has been seen. so anyway, my really close friend was the searcher and called me leo the whole time. when the annoying kid became the searcher, he deadnamed me. so, i decided to be petty and pretend i didn't know what he was talking about. he said "(deadname), i see you!" and i just stayed in place. i switched hiding spots and he said that hes already seen me, but i yet again pretended. then, my friends started yelling "wrong name!!" but he still wouldn't stop. when my friend had to literally say "thats the wrong name, stop saying it." he FINALLY called out leo and my petty ass said "oh, you should've said that earlier!" and he looked at me SO annoyed the rest of the game.
also in another game we played, my bsf put a paper on a chair that was reserved for me and his dumb ass scribbled over it and wrote my deadname. my friend comes back (i was unaware of the whole situation until she told me) sees the paper, writes my preferred name and tells him "you're not fucking funny, his name is leo" and i didn't know what had happened but i think i fell in love with her.

I will start by saying that I love Star Trek through and through - I've enjoyed almost all the TNG I've seen, I've watched all of DS9, and I've been considering watching TOS given some things I've heard that have relaxed my concerns that it would only be campy and dated. I will admit, I like the world and universe of Star Wars more, but if you asked me if I wanted to watch DS9 or A New Hope, I'd choose DS9 most days.
All that said, there is certainly a feeling that everyone seems to think that Star Trek is incredibly powerful as a verse when - at least when you're talking about the common space-fairing civilization - it really isn't. It's strong, quite strong even, but it feels like people just dismiss their rivals out-of-hand - anything that seems to operate near their level is treated as an inferior because of just how 'advanced' the Federation and its peers are.
I won't let this turn into a ST vs. SW discussion - it's a match-up I'm very passionate about - but I do want to lean on a post I saw on another sub a while back, discussing if the Federation could build the Death Star. The answers were almost all affirmative - not only could they build the Death Star, but they could build it even better! I responded, but never got any traction, explaining that, frankly, no - the Federation can't build the Death Star. A planet-killer? Sure, I believe they could - but the Death Star is so, so far outside of their ability to produce that it's almost laughable to suggest that they can.
Even the first Death Star is a basically a small moon - the Federation has shown absolutely no ability to construct a structure on that scale. Their ships are mostly empty space with narrow connecting struts, their stations are absurdly small in comparison, and their entire space empire encompasses 150 member planets and their colonies - a far cry from the galaxy-spanning Empire that leveraged its monumental resources to build the actual Death Star. And I know that people are going to mention Replicators - I will point out, in response, that Replicators still need matter to draw on for the replication process. That's why there's still mining colonies circa TNG. Replicators don't replace the need for logistics and supply, it just simplifies their application and distribution while allowing each matter of material to be more versatile.
That's before getting into power generation - the power needed to blow up Alderaan and scatter its mass at the speed we see in A New Hope so vastly exceeds any energy generation feat that I've ever seen from the Federation that any planet-killer they could make couldn't possibly operate on the same mechanism. I know that in Disney canon they use Kyber Crystals to make it work, so there certainly may be some Force stuff involved, but that's all the more reason the Federation would never be able to produce a Superlaser. In Legends, meanwhile, the Empire needs to use an enormous Hypermatter reactor to make it all work - outside of the scope and understanding of Federation science.
I feel that I've made a pretty reasonable case - it may not be perfect, I'm sure you can poke some holes in my writing-at-a-11PM little diatribe, but I feel that all my points were fair and coming from an understandable place. And yet, it was assumed, just out-of-hand, that the Federation is just so technologically advanced and powerful that it could make its own Death Star with no caveats or consideration - even saying that they could have done it better. It's become so pervasive for the general internet public to give the Federation undue superiority over all of its peers.
I won't lie - I think (Legends) Empire vs. (TNG-era) Federation is an absolute sweep for the Empire for a number of reasons that aren't the reason I'm making this post. But I'm willing to talk about that, to discuss the specifics and have a meaningful dialogue. But it's pretty annoying to see just how common it is to believe that the Federation is just... better. They always have the better technology, the more powerful sensors, the more accurate and powerful weapons, the stronger shields, that they'd just use replicators (clearly limited in scope and materials) and shield frequencies (a mechanic that does not exist in many other settings and so would be irrelevant) and transporters (incredibly finicky and easily countered by things most sci-fi settings in its weight class have anyway - like shields and dense armor) and Data (all but one-of-a-kind and pretty primitive for a sapient machine, every other droid you run into in Star Wars is more of a complete person than him (And this is coming from a fan of Data)) and reverse-engineering (a long, slow process that might not even help if the tech is advanced enough - the Federation spent quite a while trying to figure out Transwarp when they got their hands on it without destroying their own ships, so they clearly lack some prerequisite knowledge) to beat everyone in and around their weight class and beyond. Star Trek is strong - their weapons officially yield in the 10s of megatons range, and they do have some strong technological advantages that mean that I'm sure you could find some really interesting match-ups for them, and they'd win a lot of them. I just want actual analysis rather than the pervasive assumptions that seem to be made in so many communities.

I believe there is a purpose Colin’s arc in s3 and I think it is beautiful.
I am seeing so much Colin bashing happening online at the moment and it makes me really sad because it is clear to me that this season is showcasing how both he and Penelope are accepting who they are and not falling for who society tells them they should be.
In s2 when he would share his stories, no one wanted to hear them so this year he comes back and he keeps people guessing. He learned ways to get peoples attention and keep them guessing.
He has been repeatedly called a BOY in both seasons if I am not mistaken. Even by the woman he fancied and cared for. ( I would cringe every time it happened). Women and men speaking over him and his feelings / his beliefs.
He is choosing himself clearly and that is shown in episode four and I believe it will continue to progress in the next episodes.
The brothel scenes are meant to feel icky / fake because it is not the real him.
What if he was made to not like himself and now he is owning it?
One of the questions that I am asking myself is if as viewers it is easier to have empathy for Penelope as a woman than to have it for Colin as a man?
When he expressed vulnerability and his values he was put down as a boy both by Anthony and Marina.
Even Penelope was trying to tell him what to feel in s2!
I do agree that the first round watching it felt like there was a lot going on but watching it a second time there is SO much that Luke Newton is expressing. It is SO amazing to see ALL that he was able to express without words .
I feel really bad because he is receiving so much hate online and I think his work is so nuanced and deserves recognition and I feel bad because everyone keeps talking about the ick.
The ick makes sense because as women we don’t connect just with a pretty face but I just feel that is part of the story and Colin is not empty. He is one of the most romantic and heartfelt out of all of them. This is his journey too of liking himself and self acceptance too, not just Penelope.
These are my two cents. I am seeing so many posts of wanting to see him grovel and beg to a point where it feels like a lot of people wanted him to be punished.

i've been shooting professionally for over a decade, but could never afford to keep a full-time studio that was entirely my own. a couple of months back i found a spot that offered several days a month for a very fair price, but more than that, was just right for my needs at the moment.
it's a live-work style loft, so the "studio manager" lives there- totally fine, of course. but he tends to linger around my shoots and get involved chatting with the models and such, or always trying to initiate/engage in small talk with me- worst is when i show up 20 min early to setup and even 20 min after a shoot was supposed to start, he's still yapping despite my efforts to shut it down- so i often end up running late, which he's cool with (he's very generous with the time), but i'm really not.
beyond that, the studio/his home is an absolute mess, and nowhere near as tidy as the marketplace photos he advertised it with were. i can work in clutter, but i feel like part of what i'm paying for is to not have to; to have a clean, uncluttered, workplace void of obstructions every few feet.
but worst of all... i'm a bigger guy, and he cannot help but comment on my weight, how important it is i immediately start working on losing weight "or else", offering to help, suggesting doctors to see, things to try, etc. every time i've been in, without fail, he brings this up. yesterday i thought was a low-point when he turned to the model in front of me and said "he's so talented, we need him to get in shape so he can stick around and not die young of a heart-attacked". i'm super not confrontational-- i absolutely dread confrontation-- and also have worked up a very thick skin over the years, so i just brush it off. the thing is, he is genuinely a good, well-meaning, guy, i actually have grown to like him, even with all his "quirks"- and while he's entirely right, i do need to get in shape, it's just the frequency with which he brings it up that's getting annoying. it's not even what he's saying, so much as how often he's saying it- and to bring others in on it... my paying clients, no less... that just seems to break all sorts of professional boundaries and what not.
and no matter how many times i tell him i'd already lost 130lbs but sadly put back on much of it due to severe injury, he just totally disregards that. when i say i have severe pain from my injury preventing me from training as i once did, he just insists the pain is from being this size, which is simply, objectively, not true- my severe pain is from the severe injuries i incurred at the gym now almost a year ago. it's crazy i even go into these details and try to justify anything to him.
i really am a super cool, chill, personable, charismatic, guy who everyone loves to be around and work with, and can really tolerate a great deal... and again, i'm fine to even tolerate these "you need to lose weight, man!" comments every so often, it's just the damn frequency with which he brings it up... it's not only happened every time i've been in, starting from the very first time, but lately multiple times per session. as i said, he's genuinely a good dude, just totally lacking tact- i think it could be a generational thing (he's in his 50's).
as an aside, he's always prying intel from me on how to shoot a certain way, for editing methods, etc., and i'm genuinely happy to share- i see on his personal page he's already started to implement some of what i've taught him. but the prying and lingering while i shoot bugs me- i'm happy to give a little breakdown, but he's not my assistant... i don't feel just bc i rent your spot that that entitles you to a glimpse into every minute aspect of my process.
if i could justify/afford it, there's absolutely nothing more that i'd love than to have a studio of my own so that i don't have to be confined to someone else's scheduling (since it's shared between a couple other photographers, and of course him), can come and run light tests anytime i want, and don't have to deal with other people (other than my clients and team). i'm going to keep working hard so that hopefully in the next year or two i can get a spot of my own, even if just to rent- i just want that comfort.
just curious your thoughts on this and how you'd go about handling it, keeping in mind i'm not the confrontational type.

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OVERVIEW
The Wall of Sheep would like to announce a call for presentations at DEF CON 32 in Las Vegas, NV from Thursday, August 8th to Sunday, August 11th. Packet Hacking Village Talks goal is to deliver talks that increase security awareness and provide skills that can be immediately applied after the conference. Our audience ranges from those who are new to security to the most seasoned practitioners in the security industry. We are accepting submissions from individuals and organizations on any of the topic areas, including, but not limited to, the following technologies and applications:

• AI and Machine Learning in Security: Impacts on network and operating system security; use in deploying and defending networks.
• Awareness: Security awareness program success and failure stories.
• Cloud Security: Hacks and tricks for assessing and testing services.
• Compliance: How to use regulatory compliance requirements in your favor to enhance your overall funding and security posture.
• Networking and Cybersecurity: The latest hacks, trends and technologies in networking and cybersecurity.
• Spy-level makeup art (e.g., wigs, prosthetic noses, etc.)
• Supply Chain Security: Building security into the supply chain process to reduce risk.
• Threat Defense: Advanced techniques for defending networks, systems, and services from cyberthreats.
• Tools, Techniques, and Procedures: network sniffing, intrusion detection, monitoring, forensics, DFIR log analysis, collection & visualization, threat hunting, EDR telemetry, lolbin's for defense, detecting download cradles, using the ATT&CK framework for defense, Incident response process and procedures and/or recovery, automation

DEF CON attracts a wide range of technological skill sets, presentations need to be accessible, with explanatory information to help the audience understand.
The Wall of Sheep will not accept product or vendor related pitches. If your talk is a thinly-veiled advertisement for a product or service your company is offering, please do not apply! We will also not accept talks that have been given elsewhere, including at DEF CON / Black Hat / BSides.
All accepted talks will be announced, recorded, and published by Aries Security, LLC. and DEF CON Communications, Inc. Please see our YouTube channel for all talks from previous years: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnL9S5Wv_dNvO381slSA06w and https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6Om9kAkl32dWlDSNlDS9Iw.
The Call for Presentations will close on Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM PST. The list of talks will be finalized and published on Friday, June 7th.
SPEAKING FORMAT --UPDATED FOR DEF CON 32
Each presentation slot is 1 hour maximum, including time for Q&A. If we have time and it is in line with our goals mentioned above, then there is a good chance you will be selected.
Presentations will be part of DEF CON's new "Creator Stages". Although presenters will not receive a DEF CON speaker badge, they will receive a human badge and additional identification as village speakers. Presentations will also be recorded and shared on DEF CON's media servers and YouTube. Additionally, we do not recommend live demos. Pre-recorded demos are preferred.
To submit a presentation, please provide the following information in the form below to cfp2024[at]wallofsheep[dot]com
Primary Speaker Name:
Primary Speaker Title and Company (if applicable):
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Additional Speakers' name(s), titles, and social information:
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Has this talk been given anywhere before? YES or NO
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This text will be used for the website and printed materials and should be written in the third person. Cover any professional history that is relevant to the presentation, including past jobs, tools that you have written, etc. Let people know who you are and why you are qualified to speak on your topic. Presentations that are submitted without biographies will not be considered.
Detailed Outline:
You must provide a detailed outline containing the main points and navigation through your talk. Show how you intend to begin, where you intend to lead the audience and how you plan to get there. The outline may be provided in a separate attachment and may be as simple as a text file or as detailed as a "bare bones" presentation. The better your outline then the better we are able to best review your presentation against other submissions (and the higher chance you have of being accepted). SUBMISSION NOTE: Presentations that are submitted without abstracts, outlines, or speaker bios (e.g., that have only PDFs, PPTs, or white papers attached or only point to a URL) will not be considered.
Supporting File(s):
Additional supporting materials such as code, white papers, proof of concept, etc. should be sent along with this email to cfp2024[at]wallofsheep[dot]com. Note that additional files that may help in the selection process should be included. We are not asking for a complete presentation for this initial submission. That will only be required if you are selected for presenting.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
By submitting you agree to the Terms and Conditions below. Please read and accept these terms by inserting your name in the appropriate area, otherwise your application will be considered incomplete and returned to you.
Grant of Copyright Use
I warrant that the above work has not been previously published elsewhere, or if it has, that I have obtained permission for its publication by DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. and that I will promptly supply DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. with wording for crediting the original publication and copyright owner. If I am selected for presentation, I hereby give DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. permission to duplicate, record and redistribute this presentation, which includes, but is not limited to, the conference proceedings, conference CD, video, audio, and hand-outs to the conference attendees for educational, on-line, and all other purposes.
Terms of Speaking Requirements

1. I will submit a completed (and possibly updated) presentation and a reference to all of the tool(s), law(s), Web sites and/or publications referenced to at the end of my talk and as described in this CFP submission by noon PST, July 30th, 2024. Please note this is a hard deadline as presentation and details need to be sumitted to DEF CON.
   
2. I will submit a final Abstract and Biography to the Wall of Sheep by noon PST, July 30th, 2024. Please note this is a hard deadline as presentation and details need to be sumitted to DEF CON.
   
3. I will include a detailed bibliography as either a separate document or included within the presentation of all resources cited and/or used in my presentation.
   
4. I will complete my presentation within the time allocated to me --not running over the time allocation.
   
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Yes, I, (insert primary speaker name), have read and agree to the Grant of Copyright Use.
I, (insert your name here), have read and understand and agree to the terms as detailed in the Agreement to Terms of Speaking Requirements.
In the case that a speaker is a child under the age of 13 years old: in compliance with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) regulations, http://www.coppa.org, any child under age 13 must have parental consent for the collection, use, or disclosure of that child's personal information by a website. Parent/Guardian Consent: I (insert parent/guardian's name here) am the parent or guardian of the minos named above. I have read and understand and agree to the terms as detailed in the Agreement to Terms of Speaking Requirements.

I originally posted this with a throwaway but the automod ate it. So I'll just post it with my main account. Whatever. I'm kind of disgusted with reddit at the moment anyway.
This post is long so tl;dr you'll get masses of downvotes on reddit if you dare disagree with the line that sex is immutable. Even though it isn't. And it's not only rabid transphobes who will downvote you for it.
(Disclaimer: I'm writing from the perspective of a trans woman who has medically transitioned, mostly about trans women who medically transition. I suspect that most of the below applies to trans men who medically transition too if you flip some of the terms, but at this point I'm going to shift back into my lane, stop speaking about trans men, and let them speak for themselves.)
There was a post on atheism on Friday made by a trans person who had been hurt by something transphobic that Richard Dawkins had said. Cue tons of gaslighting in the comments claiming that what he said wasn't transphobic (it was) and mass downvoting of people criticizing Dawkins or supporting trans people. People pointing out that medical transition can change your sex were predictably also downvoted despite it being scientific reality. There were no counterarguments: just slurs, bigotry, and accusations of mental illness. For self-proclaimed atheists a lot of them sure like to cling to disproven transphobic dogma, and for supposed materialists they sure like to cling to metaphysical woo when it comes to biology.
"But chromosomes!" "But gametes!" They're both irrelevant in an adult human who has undergone gonadectomy. Brain/behavioral sex, hormonal sex, and genital sex are far, far more important (and they don't all need to line up in order to classify someone as male or female). But many people stubbornly cling to chromosomes and gametes. Why? Because we can't (yet) modify those in trans people to match their acquired sex. (We can make gametes and gonads N/A and that doesn't seem to be an issue for them with cis people but mysteriously it's not good enough when it comes to trans people. Actually it's not a mystery: it's just transphobia.) They're desperate to have some sort of defense no matter how ridiculous and flimsy for continuing to treat us badly and not treat us as our acquired sex.
(The next two paragraphs are about my experience personally and not all trans women.)
My chromosomes are probably XY. (You probably won't get done for speeding on I-95 but you'll still see someone who has been pulled over by police every twenty miles or so.) If I'd been able to click my fingers and change my chromosomes when I began transitioning then it would have achieved nothing for me. I'd still have needed HRT and SRS to treat my dysphoria. I'd still have undergone gonadectomy, rendering what my chromosomes are and what gametes I would have produced moot. Transphobes would have found some other justification for being shitty to me. If they claim otherwise then they're lying. Perhaps they'd latch onto my "socialization" ignoring the fact that trying to socialize a female brain as male doesn't produce a male brain: it produces a traumatized female brain. Perhaps they'd simply leap straight into spiritualist bullshit and insist that the magical sex fairy declared me male and that can never be changed. It doesn't matter because they're not arguing in good faith.
My brain/behavioral sex has always been female. I simply repressed it for a long time because I grew up in a hateful environment. Additionally, without going into gory details: pubertal testosterone didn't do everything it was supposed to in me. One more datum in support of the theory that some trans women have busted or wonky androgen receptors. To describe me as "male" now or even to say that I used to be "male" is incorrect and ignorant of biology. By the way: if someone would have described me as "male" before I transitioned despite my brain/behavioral sex being female but they wouldn't describe me as female now despite my chromosomes (probably) being XY then they're being intellectually dishonest. (They also almost certainly wouldn't describe the sex of a cis woman with naturally elevated testosterone as "male".) At this point most of the factors that go into determining my sex are female, one is N/A, and as previously discussed chromosomes don't matter because I'm not a fetus. Therefore I'm female now. End of discussion.
(End personal stuff.)
There was also a comment about how outing oneself as trans to every Tom, Dickhead, and Harry in the medical profession can lead to worse health outcomes for trans people because of bigotry, incompetence or ignorance leading to checking for the wrong things, trans broken arm syndrome, and incorrect reference ranges being used leading to false positives and false negatives. Of course it too was downvoted and lots of cis people bleated about how trans people supposedly need to come out to every medical person they meet. Hey dumbasses: I can't get testicular cancer any more and I'm effectively already taking treatment for prostate cancer, but I can get breast cancer and I need to watch for female heart attack symptoms. I don't have low testosterone: my testosterone is right in the middle of the female range. My medical risk profile is similar to that of a cis woman without ovaries or a uterus, and treating me like a cis man for medical purposes would be malpractice. But at least they got to be supercilious toward trans people while giving them bad advice that could result in them being maimed or killed. They can sleep well tonight. It must be nice not to have to be an amateur expert in your own healthcare in order to prevent the alleged real experts from fucking you up.
There was a post in AreTheStraightsOK yesterday about trans people, and one commenter stated that trans women can become female. It was downvoted. At this point I'm not even surprised that so-called allies want us to have some equality but not too much. They want us to be their token trans person to help them virtue signal in order to win online arguments and out-woke their frenemies. Oh aren't they so enlightened and tolerant referring to their trans woman friend as "AMAB" instead of "a man" and "they" instead of "he" as long as she behaves? They love the power of holding our identities over us, refusing to use the correct pronouns for us if we displease them, and misgendering us with AGAB terminology then crying "but it's just reality!" when called out on it. Yes I was "AMAB" and that has no relevance to almost everyone's interactions with me now. You (referring to these "allies") were a screaming little pissbaby when you came out of the womb. Are you still one? Should I bring it up whenever I talk about you?
And just to touch on the 'Queers for Palestine' idiocy and its members claiming they won't vote for 'Genocide Joe': those people would rather virtue signal for people who would execute them by throwing them off buildings than perform a real and meaningful action (vote Democrat) to help trans people in their own country avoid what would await them under a Trump presidency and a Republican-controlled congress. Who needs enemies when you have friends like those? (Of course they're silent about what's going on in Yemen, Sudan, and Myanmar.)
I won't be their good little trans token who will smile while they misgender and missex me in a politically correct way, tell lies and falsehoods about my biology, or condemn me to a Trump presidency so that they can stay in their handlers' good books and not feel slightly icky.
(I'm going to add a disclaimer before people who don't medically transition bite my head off. Here goes.)
I know not everybody wants to or can medically transition. I grew up in a poor household with bigoted parents. It sucked. But I needed to medically transition and I've made big compromises in my life in order to be able to transition: I left academia even though I would have liked to stay, I decided I wasn't going to have kids, I don't take vacations away from home, and I accepted a job with long hours, slightly dubious ethics, and a 24/7 on-call rota in order to afford medication and surgery. Medical transition ranked slightly after food and shelter in my personal hierarchy of needs. Not everybody has the same opportunities that I did. I hope I've demonstrated how important it was for me to medically transition, though.
If you want to medically transition and you can't then I feel for you. It is an extremely unenviable position and I know because I was in it for a long time. I hope you're able to medically transition soon. If you don't want to medically transition then that's great! Please don't try to hold back the people who do. Describe yourself as the sex you were assigned at birth if that works for you but don't demand that I do the same for myself.

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You guys ever encounter this one Mercenary in Stalker Anomaly or in any of the other mods? Where one Merc finds you, kills you, and as you reload a save to kill them first... They are just gone.
I have experienced this at least a few times already while playing Anomaly in different saves. They seem to act more advanced than the other AI almost like a human player, and it's not like I have an addon to suddenly make my game an online server. Their shots are accurate and in full auto, even without hardcore AI aim and the damage they deal is extreme even with Great player protection and good armor. But as I reload my last save the Mercenary cannot be seen in the area even if the save was just recently prior moments to being killed by the Merc. They have disappeared on me twice and I expect more for the future. I have only killed this Mercenary once in between dying to them, I was in Cordon up north east from the bridge and this Merc was trying to snipe me all the way north west from where I was. Just far north from the farm. And I cannot even see them, my view was blocked by fog and trees. They weren't even using a sniper rifle, it was an AK-105 which has poor accuracy. Thankfully to the nearby ruins of houses north west from the farm I had cover and I used my own rifle to take down the Merc. I suspect that this was the same Mercenary that has killed me over and over and keeps disappearing. I forgot the name but it was one of the generated names that Anomaly usually has. My last encounter with them was in the Garbage, at the vehicle graveyard. At first I thought it was the Bandits I was fighting but as I reload the save, my killer was gone. I knew to target them first but I didn't see them. I think it was the same entity. I expect to see this strange and mysterious AI again some day, they strike and random and I will forever wonder how their AI is better than usual and they never show up again after I reload the save. But I hope I am not the only one experiencing this.

I (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have had a rocky relationship to say the least. I have borderline personality disorder (in both CBT and DBT and on medication for almost 5 years) and an eating disorder (in outpatient treatment for nearly 3 years), so I am well aware that I am not always easy to be with and that I have done/said things that have hurt him. He is an addict, on the spectrum, and bipolar with MAYBE a year of treatment and a couple months of clean time under his belt.
In the past I’ve struggled in our relationship with the idea presented to me by friends (primarily mine), family (both his and mine), and my mental health professionals that the relationship is at best toxic and at worst abusive. He has left me a total of 5 times in the span of three years. The first time he left was to go on a drug binge with a 19 year old coworker who he was cheating on me with in my own home. Girls have always been a problem in our relationship, but as far as I know he’s only physically cheated with one girl. Typically the issues would be talking to exs, talking to girls he never really dated but did have romantic or sexual history with, doing drugs with girls, or talking badly about me to another girl. With the long history of these issues, I’ve frequently been distant or cold towards him or did things to hide ED slip ups which he says had pushed him to the actual act of physically cheating.
He spent most of our relationship writing off my concerns about a couple girls because they were also long standing friends despite having a sexual or romantic history with them. Because of this, I (drunkenly) reached out to catch up with an old friend who I used to sleep with very casually when we were both single. I only spoke to him for one night and then never again because I knew my boyfriend would be mad and hurt. He found out and broke up with me.
We have since gotten back together, and my friends and family are sort of coming around- almost against their will. In an effort to be honest I told him that while we were broken up a guy friend of over 10 years asked me out (which I declined, and he was ok with).
Fast forward to a couple months later, I didn’t block that guy, and I shared something stupid on Facebook which that guy friend commented on. My boyfriend flipped out.
I asked him to bring up concerns in a more constructive and communicative way, but we spent two days being (as he put it) “not ok”. I had plans with my family that weekend and spent the whole time trying to hold it together while feeling sick and hurt and confused because of how the text/call exchanges ended up. He told me that having that guy trying to flirt with me online “looks shady” and that I always brush off his concerns. I kept asking what I did wrong and he’d tell me nothing. By the end of the weekend I left my family’s house early and had a panic attack on the phone while he yelled at me.
I pointed out that he still has girls that have been a concern for me on Facebook and currently works with someone that he says flirts with him on the clock but I’m trying to rebuild trust and communicate with I’m uncomfortable without blowing up. He said I was deflecting and invalidating his feelings.
I’m so confused how I ended up being the one begging for forgiveness, blocking and deleting people on social media, and asking him to point blank lay out how he would like me to act in the future.
This is the first time since getting back together that I see his old mask slipping back. I had to beg him to speak to me like a human being. I had to ask him to have empathy for me- in those words. I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends and family about this without them immediately hating him again. Now I have everyone blocked that I think he could possibly have a problem with, and he seems to have calmed down.
TL;DR A guy commented on my facebook post and while discussing why I was hurt by the way my (28F) boyfriend (28M) discussed it with me, I was told I’m manipulative and invalidating.
I guess what I’m wondering at this point is… Am I being manipulative and invalidating, and if so, what should I be doing differently to avoid this?

Hello everyone I am here to find some gigs or maybe long term online job. I will be straight to the point, here are my skills:

• Autocad (Drawings, Electrical)
• Basic civil3d (Land Survey, Newbie)
• Ms word
• Excel applications (Pivot, Macros, formulas)
• Homework Help
• Data Entry or Research
• Virtual/Online Assistant

Also, I'm starting to learn figma to become a web designer, if ever you need someone to train and become your assistant, please let me know. I'm very willing for this.
If you need anything and you think I will be fit for the job, please let me know. I am willing to learn new skills for the future. I hope to start my frelancing career with you. Thank you!
P.S. graduating student (electrical eng) Philippines
Minimum of 5$ per hour
Contacts Email: juanpicks231@gmail.com Viber or WhatsApp: +639161033407

Hello everyone I am here to find some gigs or maybe long term online job. I will be straight to the point, here are my skills:

• Autocad (Drawings, Electrical)
• Basic civil3d (Land Survey, Newbie)
• Ms word
• Excel applications (Pivot, Macros, formulas)
• Homework Help
• Data Entry or Research
• Virtual/Online Assistant

Also, I'm starting to learn figma to become a web designer, if ever you need someone to train and become your assistant, please let me know. I'm very willing for this.
If you need anything and you think I will be fit for the job, please let me know. I am willing to learn new skills for the future. I hope to start my frelancing career with you. Thank you!
P.S. graduating student (electrical eng) Philippines
Minimum of 5$ per hour
Contacts Email: juanpicks231@gmail.com Viber or WhatsApp: +639161033407

I want to work out to better shape my body. I’m already fairly slim but I want bigger glutes, a smaller appearing waist, stronger legs, flatter stomach etc. the usual wish. From what I see a lot of the time online though is that you can’t spot reduce fat, which means you can’t really get a smaller waist, you can’t lose weight and gain muscle meaning no flat tummy and big butt and glutes are a hit or miss if you don’t eat a lot but if you eat too much you’ll gain stomach fat and even then you might barely see a difference and then if you miss a week it’s back to square one.
It’s superficial of course but just being strong isn’t enough for me. I’m ok with putting in the work but I just feel creating an effective working routine is so confusing. So much of everything seems based on how you naturally are made but that’s what I’m trying to change, so It almost makes me feel like these no point but it’s the only healthy way. My biggest fear is exercising regularly for 3-6 months and then realizing my body looks the same or even worst my waist is bigger because I’ve heard you can’t even touch your obliques without bulking up.
How can I ensure I actually do the right thing to see physical results and don’t just work out for nothing?

Hello everyone I am here to find some gigs or maybe long term online job. I will be straight to the point, here are my skills:

• Autocad (Drawings, Electrical)
• Basic civil3d (Land Survey, Newbie)
• Ms word
• Excel applications (Pivot, Macros, formulas)
• Homework Help
• Data Entry or Research
• Virtual/Online Assistant

Also, I'm starting to learn figma to become a web designer, if ever you need someone to train and become your assistant, please let me know. I'm very willing for this.
If you need anything and you think I will be fit for the job, please let me know. I am willing to learn new skills for the future. I hope to start my frelancing career with you. Thank you!
P.S. graduating student (electrical eng) Philippines
Minimum of 5$ per hour
Contacts Email: juanpicks231@gmail.com Viber or WhatsApp: +639161033407

Hello everyone I am here to find some gigs or maybe long term online job. I will be straight to the point, here are my skills:

• Autocad (Drawings, Electrical)
• Basic civil3d (Land Survey, Newbie)
• Ms word
• Excel applications (Pivot, Macros, formulas)
• Homework Help
• Data Entry or Research
• Virtual/Online Assistant

Also, I'm starting to learn figma to become a web designer, if ever you need someone to train and become your assistant, please let me know. I'm very willing for this.
If you need anything and you think I will be fit for the job, please let me know. I am willing to learn new skills for the future. I hope to start my frelancing career with you. Thank you!
P.S. graduating student (electrical eng) Philippines
Minimum of 5$ per hour
Contacts Email: juanpicks231@gmail.com Viber or WhatsApp: +639161033407

I keep a decent watch on my emails, but there are times where I will go weeks without checking it thoroughly. As I was scrolling I saw an ad for a sweepstakes for a soap company about winning a new vehicle. Went to the website, and realized the majority of online events are done through email, and even if you're able to add your phone number, most don't. Then realized, even if I did win, it would likely go unnoticed to the point that by the time I went back through my emails, if there so happened to be an email that I had won, it'd be too late.

Bought the game on launch and still have yet to play online. I’ve tried connecting to different servers, I’ve tried VPN and nothing will let me play online. The only reason I even got the game was to be able to play with my fiancé and I literally can’t do that if I can’t get online. The games story and gameplay are so fun just sucks that’s it’s been months after launch and this is still an issue not to mention I can’t use any of the cool cosmetics I paid for because they aren’t available offline and I can’t even get a refund because I’m already played over 50+Hours. Don’t really care for help just thought I’d let others know my experience. I’ve had the game uninstalled for a good couple months and just tried to download and see if I could connect and still can’t. Giving up and moving on at this point

This is going to be a long post, and I don't know if anyone will have the answer for me so I plan to do my own research as well, but I figured it would be a waste not to ask others online just in case someone is able to help.
Context: (not necessary to read but I thought I'd tell my story in case someone is interested)
I am 19 years old in the U.S. , and have just finished my first year of college. Currently I am pursuing a Bachelors in Electrical Engineering, because that was the highest paying job that sounded interesting to me in high school. Growing up, my dream has always been to be a teacher. I would love nothing more than to turn around and share the knowledge I've studied up to this point with as many other people as I possibly can, and to have an effect on their life for a long time after I say goodbye to them. Around my freshman year of high school, my mother went back to college and got her degree in education and began teaching 6th grade math/science. Through her, I have found out about the painfully small salaries and the awful mistreatment of teachers here in the states. Even today when I ask her about how work was any particular day, she never has anything good to say about it. She tells me that her job has become a glorified daycare, as many parents of her students try to report her and make her lose her license when their children come home with F's on report cards (these children do not do any of the work my mother gives them, that's why they have F's). Because of these reasons, I chose to give up my dream of being a teacher and pursue something that would be able to provide more for myself and eventually the family I hope to start. I am the third generation of my family here in the U.S., and my family is originally from Scotland and Poland. With this, my mother recently brought it to my attention that it may be possible for me to pursue my dreams of teaching and still provide a good life for a family, but in another country.
The Problems:
As much as I would love to pursue the dream of teaching once again, there are a lot of questions that pop up when I consider the idea. For starters, what country would I attempt to go to? I have family in Scotland, and my mother tells me they are very open to the idea of meeting me and supporting me, and still consider me family even if we have never truly met. Is Scotland a good country for trying to teach and start a family? Or perhaps another country might be a better suit for me to look at?
How would I market myself to a school overseas? My whole life my test scores have always been 98th/99th percentile in the country, but does that matter to someone in a different country? Should I switch degrees to education? Maybe there is some kind of program I am unaware of looking for people to come teach?
I suppose this falls under the question of where, but am I going to be despised if I emigrate to another country? I have seen some people voice their opinions that they absolutely hate the idea of an American couple purchasing land in their country and living there, as it may push out someone who is native to the country but perhaps not as well off.
I don't expect anyone to have an answer for me, as to me this seems like a pretty niche problem. I plan to do my own research but if anyone knows anything they think may help me, please don't be afraid to tell me. If I haven't given enough details, I'm more than willing to give more if it will help you help me. I don't use reddit too often, so I may not even be putting this in the correct place, and if so I'll gladly move the post to where it should be if someone tells me.
If you've read this far, thank you for taking the time to see my story, and even if you don't have any advice for me I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to even consider it.

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.