I’m trying…I don’t know what I’m doing.
In this task I’m learning, did I know you well enough? I don’t know how to do this.
You were a sister, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother…
I remember when we were younger, you wanted us to call you “G-Ma” because it made you sound hip. When the next gen came, you kept with that and became “GiGi”.
You were strict and stern and damn were you stubborn. You were a hoarder. You were a baker, you were a friend.
You caught us staying up, you caught us sneaking out. You took us on adventures and loved us (almost) every minute, though I can’t fault you for that (we were gremlins after all).
You answered every call. You went to every game. You met every friend.
You taught us how to bluff and when to fold. I’ll always miss our puzzle time…I’m sorry we didn’t do more…
You played cards against humanity.
Your humor was unhinged and unmatched. Up until the end.
There’s so much I want to say about you. I’ve never written an obituary before - I don’t know what I can, or shouldn’t bother including.
If you could work one of those miracles and come listen to these qualms in my dreams…I know you’ll roll your eyes like always, and tell me I’m overthinking, but I miss you answering already - and it hasn’t been a day.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Kitchen_Earth7954
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole + their own page
Previous BoRU originally posted by u/KittenDealinMama
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine + 1 year UPDATE
Trigger Warnings: possible domestic violence, possible financial abuse, possible divorce
RECAP
Original Post - May 19, 2023
I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.
Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.
Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.
A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.
Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?
Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.
Emma and Harper are best friends.
It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.
We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.
Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Comments

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OOP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OOP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OOP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OOP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OOP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.
 
Update #1 - June 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)
So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.
As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.
The short version is:
Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.
Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.
Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.
So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.
The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.
The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).
When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.
Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.
Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: 1 year later - May 12, 2024 (11 months later)
So it’s been almost a year since my last update but with Mother’s Day upon us I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I’ve gotten.
Jenn and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before Jenn did not make that much money, she worked as a phlebotomist for our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that in the end of August. The bad news is it’s an 18 month program and they only let you work 20hrs a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is one she graduates she will move out then. That should be next May.
The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. Once he found out he was going to have to pay child support he tried every dirty nasty trick he could think of. No idea when that will be finished.
My wife is doing good, she happy she is helping her best friend, but 5 people in a house is a lot more work than 3. Since she works from home the pre and post school work falls on her.
Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don’t do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she is doing has given her some freedom to pursue other interest. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest but Harper and I have done some nice sets together.
Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.
I think I am doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jenn and Harper has relived a lot of stress from my life. That I also don’t have to see Dead Beet has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is I had thought that I was done with the portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jenn either gets her nursing job and/or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much.
For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose

Any update to this?

OOP

I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.

Final Update May 11, 2024
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but I’ve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. I’m going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as “side characters”. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so “all we had to focus on is roleplaying”. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, “See! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!” But I’m just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didn’t pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirate’s roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasn’t letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasn’t what their ancestors would want. I’m sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion roll… and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesn’t change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, “Hey, we’re old now, being up past midnight isn’t as easy as it used to.” To which Colorado replies, “I just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.” The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why we’re not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and I’m tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short “That was awkward” conversation. I don’t know Soldier well so I didn’t say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldur’s Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if I’ve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises I’ll have more freedom next time. I wouldn’t understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him I’m not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought I’d say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if I’ll still make his maps and character art even if I don’t play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Colorado’s mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. I’m not his Giving Tree and I shouldn’t be left a stump for a campaign where he doesn’t even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didn’t feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious

Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.

OOP

Yeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

So I 17 female just had the hardest time in my life rn, so let me explain
My grandma who is 59 and my mom who is 35 is getting on me rn and they are making me seem like I'm this horrible person and called me names
So this summer I was supposed to go visit my mom in another state for the summer and see my 3 siblings all under 11 ( I'm the oldest ) now my friend Kayla birthday is in June and since I would be away for the summer Kayla decided to schedule her birthday at an really super popular and expensive amusement park In July 10th or July 11th , I didn't know how long I was gonna be visiting my mom so I ASKED my grandma and my mom that when they Do schedule my flight can they book a round trip to come back around July 6th.
Right now it's may and my mom and grandmother whwre planning on having me leave after May 23rd , I asked my grandma is it would be possible I could spend the rest of May with my mom and the entire month of June and a few days of July and Cole back.
She said No . I asked her why and she got really pissed at me and yelled at me about how these airline tickets are too expensive to only stay for a month. I explained to her that I promised I would be there for my friend so she don't have to reschedule and my friends mom works literally 7 days a week so my friends mom would have to take work off her schedule to take us. My grandma got really mad and said that I'm choosing my friends over my family, I explained that I'm sorry and that I think I'm managing my time right and I'm still gonna see my mom and siblings and I'll still be able to go to my friends birthday thing ahe planned for all of us. My grandma told me that bes gonna book a One - way ticket for me and I'll come back July 27th, now my friend who's birthday I was gonna miss was at my house having a sleepover so she was hearing everything btw, and my grandma called me selfish and a hoe and I went back to my room crying where my friend said it's okay and she can push back her amusement park day to a weekend after school starts in August because she really wants me to be included bc I'm her bsf. And as we where talking I called my mom and I explained the situation and my mom said " ( my name ) your friends are gonna be there all year long the entire time your there you will see them at school everyday and your little bf too, I'm your mom and you will be back July 27th which gives you 13 days before school to do whatever but me and your siblings haven't seen you since Thanksgiving 2023" at this point I was really stressed and my friend was very understanding, so I went back to my grandma to tell her that I will stay the whole summer but she was on the phone with my mom making the situation worse yelling at me and cussing at me and I lost my cool and started crying and I yelled at them and my grandma was telling me how I was ruining her honeymoon bc she was gonna go to Vegas and btw ( my grandma is still gonna be here in July she said she's going to Vegas or whatever when I FIRST leave ) so now I have this weight on my shoulders full of guilt and I tried to explain how I wast choosing friends over family I was just managing my time but they got really upset and said some really harsh stuff,
Eventually my grandma came into my room with my mom on the phone bc I was so upset I blocked my mom and my mom started telling me how ungrateful and selfish I am and to " Think of my little siblings because they think im still coming to visit them " and I yelled back saying I am I am literally trying to figure things out, and then my grandma and mom said " we are booking a one way ticket and your mom will decide when you come back " ans I got upset and was like " No " and I told them how now they are just forcing and Gaslighting me into a bunch of things and it needs to stop . They didn't listen and in the end my mom said " You know what ( my name ) Fu*k you and I'm no longer your mother goodbye "
Please someone tell me what to do I feel so trapped ....

Clearly massive Spoilers for not only Wind, yet all of ASC, as this is more of a review of the current events.
Well! Upon finishing Wind and realizing in horror I'm waiting till NOVEMBER to finish this, and hoping to Starclan I still remember what happened by then, it feels right to just review the Arc as of now anyways.
I'm likely just going character by character, not literal event timelines. I'll review Nightheart, Sunbeam, Frostpaw, Splashtail, and Squirrelstar! Enjoy.

Nightheart.

Oh boy, this Man was the "Rootspring," of ASC. Really got on my nerves with his hypocrisy and shortsightedness at the beginning when he was still Flamepaw. He was always justified in his desire for his own legacy, but he also seemed to have a sense of self importance and expectations he had not earned. However, as he became Nightheart, things began to change.
I'll discuss the NightBeam/SunHeart ship as one right here, I absolutely support it. A healthy, no bullshit relationship of two cats who genuinely just respect and support each other. The amount of sheer willingness and support between these two cats all the way from book one to five is astonishing. Sun and Night both wholeheartedly comfort and aid the other in times of hardship, and both cats straight up made their mind with Clan swapping with no issue or regret. (Within reason, of course.) They are fully dedicated to each other and loyal to their family. They love and believe in each other, even when some parts of their lives go against each other, like Sun's reluctant attachment to Berryheart, who despises Nightheart. Night never brings her down or attacks her for still caring about her mother. That shows true understanding for who she is as a cat. This relationship I believe also played a tremendous role in Nightheart as a character.
Back to him alone, his connection and journey between Frostpaw and Sunbeam molded him into a loyal, courageous, and downright brave motherfucker and I like the Man. He is upfront, generally sensible in his thinking, compassionate, understanding, and humble, even taking responsibility for his younger issues at times. He has quickly turned himself around as a remarkable cat! As such I said, basically like Rootspring for me!

Sunbeam.

The perfect choice for Nightheart for sure. She's a cat caught in the dilemma of old and new family, new hearts and old, struggling to keep both intact, praying that both don't break. She holds herself together amazingly well, and she had the respect for not only Nightheart, but Thunderclan itself, that beyond even standing up to everyone she knew for Nightheart, she also dedicated her loyalty to Thunderclan beyond Nightheart, proving her change of heart was true. She stood firm in adversity such as Cherryfall with more maturity than I'd have shown that sabotaging cat, and most cherishingly, she held out for weeks and more with half the cats in the Clan and herself dreading if Nightheart had abandoned her, yet not for a moment did her trust in him falter, and their bond seemed even stronger when he returned. She quickly made great and honest bonds with Thunderclan cats including Squirrelstar and Nightheart's immediate family that consistently have hung on.
Sunbeam has shown herself brave, cunning, and sensible beyond average reason. She'll selflessly help cats of other Clans, and is the first to volunteer for dangerous quests and keep Nightheart out of mischief, ha! Sunbeam was asked to prove her qualities, and she has done so with great honor. She is one of the few who's loyalty to Thunderclan couldn't be questioned even after sneaking through Windclan territory to help her family, exiled from Shadowclan. She cares for both ends, yet weighs her priorities with care. I look forward to her development and closing arc!

Frostpaw.

Ah, the traumatized Apprentice No. 99938-something. Well, thanks to her good writing, she's proved to be far more than that. Frostpaw embodies a favorite quote of mine, "You wear your convictions well, they suit you."
Frostpaw is steadfast and bloody well resolute in her quest, and that is so astonishing because of how she began. Frostpaw was an innocent, fragile and scared cat at the start. She wanted Peace, yet knew nothing of conflict. By the end, she kept her goal for Peace, even after experiencing the horrors of conflict.
From the day she lay bleeding on the moor, I saw a fire light in her heart that drove her in spite of her many wounds, mental and physical to distant lands. She befriended lost cats, rival Clans, and through it all, her trauma and experiences did not further weaken or shake her resolve, yet seemingly hardened it in bloody iron. That passive, gullible innocent Apprentice matured in a shockingly believable heartbeat. Through meditation, reflection, and accepting of truths most Warriors cannot tolerate, she earned a self respect and wisdom greater than many cats. Yet, through all the strength and firm nature of her new guarded, and stricter soul, she only gained determination and respect for what she lost, aiming to restore Riverclan against any odds.
From a cat with a foolish blind crush, to wisely sparring in a bloody game with the false Leader, she holds her own with terrifyingly skill. I hardly know if she can fight a single Warrior, yet somehow she seems to be more suited to this conflict than any cat yet. Nothing has wavered her for long, and whatever has, seems to further invigorate her resolve.
Frostpaw has dealt with the betrayal of cats she trusted as family. She has had cats die for her, lie for her, and cats be hurt and broken for her. And she took none for granted. Whenever something shakes her confidence and beliefs, she comes right back to shake it twice as hard. My admiration for such a strong cat is immeasurably high! Frostpaw has suffered more pain and loss than any cat to the Arc yet. But, for all she has gained, partnerships and family now from nearly ever Clan, Tiger, Whistle, Night, she is ready to forge herself into a cat unbreakable. A legendary contrast to her origins, and I am stoked to see how it plays out.

Splashtail.

Ah, this bastard. This cat is basically a real Clan Darktail, but he pulls it off well.
The last chapter of Wind seriously put the last few pieces of his personality together for me. And I actually have a sort of hotter take on his behavior than many might have.
I do not believe Splashtail is outright ruthless and cruel "just because." Partially, I believe he suffers from a form of trauma suppression that is making him this way. We see that Curlfeather was the instigator for this, that Splashtail genuinely just wanted Riverclan secure, and swore he could do it better than it had. He respected Reedwhisker, and he seemed initially disturbed by the idea of so much... ill means to secure his own position, yet also a slight insecurity or distain for Curlfeather's own degrading outlook of him. Splashtail is ambitious, yet in his own beliefs, also highly loyal. I honestly got the feeling by the end of Wind, Splashtail basically had crossed the blood red line. He went arguably insane, as the last chapter of Wind actually hints at, likely due to a form of regret, a suppression of trauma of what he did. Basically he keeps doing more chaotic and cruel things similar to an addiction, because the withdrawal would mean facing the truth of what you've done. It's possible a form of guilt or conscious bore away at his sanity until he snapped it himself.
Splashtail seems to have a warped personal truth that he genuinely wants Riverclan to be... Gods. So powerful, it feels he may want that specifically because he has to give himself a valid reason that all this bloodshed and madness must earn Riverclan SOMETHING, or else he's truly mad. It's a form of self hatred that is twisting his morality, and I can see it in every word he makes. After all, in his own words about the blood red line, "If I'm already staining my paws with blood, why stop at one?" With Frostpaw... Harelight... I don't think his mind is his own anymore. His terror and anguish has controlled who he is now. Whatever sense of justice or loyalty he wanted to bring to Riverclan, is now a demented passenger to his new self destruction. I wonder indeed what it will do to him before the end.

Squirrelstar.

I believe... I was damn well right. People told me her actions in ASC were ridiculous and wrong, hypocritical even. And I thought, "Well, what's the context?" And I was RIGHT.
Squirrelstar has quickly become of the best Leaders I have witnessed.
I seriously think the Writing team created a whole new personality type that finally gives Squirrelstar some serious personality, because she operates as Leader in a way I've hardly ever seen.
She is incredibly thorough and devoted.
Squirrelstar has shown a perfect mix of extreme unrelenting authority that commands obedience, and absolute respect and love for her Clan and family that balances it beautifully. In the same sentence, she'll formally scold a cat for doing something logically stupid, yet also reason and level so kindly with them on an unofficially level. With Night, Sun, Tiger, Wasp, Waffle, so many! Her compassion and control are expertly blended and I couldn't be more proud.
Squirrelstar is beyond correct regarding the Riverclan situation. People said it was hypocrisy, because she replaced Bramblestar when he was too "lenient." But that was a different time, and when she became Leader, she understood.
Bramblestar was traumatized. He would've advocated for unconditional peace, whereas Squirrelstar is advocating for absolute peace through resolution, on the condition that Riverclan is willing to make the leap.
Tigerstar is absolutely justified and partially correct about his desire to just fix Riverclan by force, yet Squirrelstar also has great wisdom.
She cautions that forcibly ripping Riverclan's Leader away who they've scratched and clawed after for Moons without them actually consenting to it, would lead to a useless war with most of Riverclan that would cause immense unnecessary bloodshed thay no degree of power could stop. It doesn't matter how many Clans join, if Riverclan chooses to fight for Splashtail, innocent and misguided or not, Riverclan will likely bleed itself dry like a cornered animal, and Squirrelstar understands that remarkably well. Riverclan needs to ensure it has a proper rebellion in wait, so that Splashtail will be alone in his War; to minimize conflict and waste of life.
Yet, for any who still perceive that Squirrelstar is too reserved, she has wisely shown her claws furiously when threatened. She did everything short of literally skinning that Riverclan party who stormed into Thunderclan camp. She did not give a single solitary fuck what they felt or didn't. She outright made it explicitly clear that Splashtail does not scare her, she's only concerned about needless bloodshed. Not a cat afraid of War... but one who knows how to fight one.
Squirrelstar is beyond ready to cut Splashtail into little pieces for the fish. She waits for Riverclan... and as of Wind... I should assume her final decision will be swift.
Her words, her mannerisms, they're so unique to her. I've seen Squirrelstar use words that Warriors has literally never bloody used. I still swear the Writing team is shockingly determined to do her justice, and I eagerly await her future!
That is all for now!

I need to know how to whiten my teeth, and which things will hurt my enamel. I've heard some ingredients damage enamel, so I want to avoid those completely. I've tried everything. I brush twice a day with electric+ manual+floss+listerine, and have been every single day for about a year and a half. I don't drink coffee or tea, and I avoid any foods that might stain and I still get constantly told by my mother that my teeth are yellow. Are there any good products I can buy or professional dental treatments that would you would recommend?

*trigger warning SA I 32f am a mother of 4 daughters. (13,11,7,11months) And wondering if I'm overreacting over my decision to cut off my family as we are getting closer to my daughters first birthday. For context...2 years ago we found out that my step father had been grooming and sexually assaulted my eldest daughter. Right away I told my mother and did everything you need to to keep myself level headed and protecting my daughter. My mother did not want to believe this and thought I was lying as we have had our issues lately and she thought that I was saying this to keep my kids away from her. But the police confrimed my daughters report of events and had DNA evidence on top of the fact the asshat admitted to doing it during his interview with the cops. He was charged and released as he waited for the court date. My mother still didn't believe anything so I gave her the ultimatum of my kids and me or him but she couldn't have both of us in her life. She said she chose us. I was going to therapy to cope with this and bringing my eldest as well. I asked my mother to come but she said she was getting her own help. I started to distinguish gas lighting and how to create and stay firm on boundaries thanks to my therapist help and noticed holes in my mother's stories when she would come over. She said that he moved out but on occasion we would see his truck outside the house. She would say she hasn't spoken to him in weeks but yet I seen his name come up on caller id. I decided to confront her after she slipped up and said that they were going to the rodeo trip together. She then told me she was working things out with him that he's sorry and just like my husband suffers from mental health issues (ptsd,bp etc) that this was a mental health issues as well. I just hung up the phone and blocked her from everything. She tried still to reach out and dropped off gifts for Christmas and birthdays saying from Nana and Papa ( their nicknames from my kids) which would send my daughter into a meltdown. I reported it all to cops etc but they did nothing. My mother reached out via email asking if I'm done pouting that what he did was not rape and I can't keep the kids away from her cause she had rights. I told her to go to hell that what he did was rape and until she can see that she will never be in my life or the kids lives. After that point I had enough I tried filing for a RO and it was denied - I live in Canada and it's a pain in the ass to get one. I also then called , texted, posted and emailed all family members saying that I cut her out and told them if they shared my life with my kids to her they would be cut too. I had to cut two others from my life cause of that my grandmother and my favorite aunt. Since then court has come to an end as of January of this year and he was sentenced to 6 years in jail and of course sitting in the court house is my mother with him as I read the victim impact statement to the courts. It was the worse day of my life. My oldest daughter wanted a huge party this year for her 13 and I said yes. I sent out invites to all our family and her friends and out of 20 invited only her 5 school friends showed up. I was livid and called my family asking why they didn't show up. I was told it was because they didn't want to be apart of the drama between my mother and myself so they won't come to any hosted events unless I make amends. This didn't bother me till these last few weeks as we are getting closer to other kids birthdays my youngest turns 1 in June and my middle child turns 12 in July. I don't want more disappointments for my kids. Now that he's in jail should I make amends? Am I overreacting for cutting off family for supporting him? I'm still in therapy and I know that this is just manipulation but my heart can't take another special event happening for my girls and them asking why so and so didn't come.

years back when I was in my 7 class or maybe 8th class, I don't remember properly. we used to live in Pathankot, Punjab, papa k army ki posting thi waha par or waha jada tar log Punjabi ya Himachali hi the to ham unse jada ache trah se blend nahi hue the but we tried we used to live in a place called redwa colony in a patwari's house on rent (it was a 2bhk on ground floor) papa ka office waha se bas 1 km hi door tha or unke CO se kaafi achi banti, itni achi ki hamari families kabhi ana jana tha or unki beti meri crush bhi thi, let's call that CO as JB so and our landlord has 2 son's older than 25 and his wife. The house wasn't fully complete bas floor ka kaam hona baaki tha front mein jo open area hota hai waha ka to unhone 6-7 mahine baad shuru karaya tab tak waha kacha hi tha rasta to tiles ko polish krne ke liye jo machines hoti hai vo ye log use krte the par unka kaam hamesha raat ko hi hota tha around 10 pm to 12am and at that time we used to go to sleep. Then next month our electricity bill came out to ₹5000 and their ₹2500 despite the fact we only had 2 rooms and they had 3 rooms, my mum got a little suspicious about the situation but mum and dad both let it go and didn't bother much but later that week mummy papa raat ko aise hi khana kha kar walk krne chale gaye the around 9 pm or aaye 11pm or main or didi apne room mein so gaye the or unko laga ham sab so gaye to unhone hamare metre se apni tile polish krne ki machine connect kr li or polish krna shuru kr diya tiles ko tab tak mummy papa aa gaye or dekh liya to mummy ne pucha labour se ki tumne hamare metre se ku lagaya hua hai to usne bola muje to patwari ji ne bola hai tab tak unki wife bahar aa gayi or usse bolne lagi ki tu unke metre se ku laga rha hai ( she was acting ) uss waqt unke koi cousin bhi aaye hue the unke bacho ke cousin the to papa unpar chilla pade ki aisa ku kar rhe ho yaha vaise hi ham ghar se itni door hai or ab double bill bhare aapko rent dena enough nahi hora hai kya.
Then they started abusing my father and mother his son's and cousin pushed my father on his car and tried to scare him my mother was shouting and feeling helpless but she was recording the incident after a minute( pretty smart ) then she ran in the house and locked it from inside because me and my sister were sleeping and we were kids but because of so much noise we woke up and got aware of the situation then my father ran to his army unit and asked for help from his CO even it was midnight he send people with armed weapons and a jeep and one ambulance...but it was too late one of their cousin smashed the doorsized glass panel because he got to know somehow that my mother was recording and the glass shattered he took the phone and threw it away. Me and my sister standing right there too but in that moment Idk why but I picked one of the glass peace and put it in his left side of his neck, then the army came and took situation in their hand and when they saw that guy was bleeding they immediately took him to the military hospital... cut to one week later we are in a new house that JB (CO) recommended to my father and that whole family spent a night in jail and police even came to my house for verification ( me and my sister were at school ), that what exactly happened in that moment when I tried to put the glass peace in his neck...but my parents had all the evidence my mum also had the video with her, the neighbors also saw what was happening, we had that labor as proof that they stole our electricity and we had meter bills ,JB was their to help us from the situation too and anyways I was just 13-14 at that time and did that in instinct to protect my mother and sister, it was self defense and happened in the heat of the moment it was not my intentions to kill anyone...the post mortem report came a week later and that guy was dead but my parents never told that and lied that he survived and it was a relief for me.
But now I am 20 years old and yesterday I was sitting with my mum and dad having dinner and we were just having a conversation about that day and then suddenly she mentioned that actually he died that but CO and my father took the situation in their hand and I was a minor too so nothing really happened, and I was like why are you telling me this now, you could have kept it as a secret forever. Now my whole past is ruined Idk but I kinda see myself as a bad guy per se, this is messed up

I’m sorry for the read, I believe context is necessary in this case.
I invite adult children of narc/abusive/deadbeat parents to enlighten me. I don’t want to post in any related sub as my sister may recognize our situation.
For context: I(26f) am married with a nonverbal autistic soon-to-be preschooler. I met my husband a year or so after leaving my narcissistic/abusive/emotionally unavailable mom & struggling alone with no help. We got together & moved across the country (US) to be near his family for support, as my family was no help (I had a traumatic, life threatening pregnancy). So we settled in his home state & kept in touch with my sister(21f) who has a different dad than me. She was in a bad situation at home with her dad at the time). She eventually had to move out of his house due to his sociopathy putting strain on their relationship & creating a toxic environment- as if it wasn’t already toxic & disfunctional. She moved in with my husband and I last May & has been sleeping on our couch ever since. I didn’t want to push her as soon as she made the same cross-country trip to get her life together but I did want her to do something to progress toward independence.
It’s been exactly a year since she moved out here & joined us. She has a job & a gym membership & pays her phone bill (on our plan). But there isn’t any movement toward independence. I want to charge her a few hundred dollars rent to save up for her inevitable apartment when she eventually decides to move out of our house. I want her to get a car. I want her to clean up after herself more, take initiative when she should, set financial goals for herself, stop getting comfortable in the unsustainable situation she is in.
I find it hard to chose between whether being her sister is better or being her parent is better. It’s a very sensitive situation for me to navigate. I never had someone to be what I am for her right now. I carry her emotional burden, answer her life questions, guide her through every situation, catch her when she falls, educate myself so I can educate her the best way I can, everything my abusive mother should be to her.
It’s a tough situation but she was assaulted last week while taking her usual bus route from work. I’m driving her to work for the next week while she uses her tax return to buy a lil beater to get her to & from work & the gym. But I need her to understand how important this is. Not only for her to be safe and independent, but also so that I don’t have to compensate for what she doesn’t do while taking care of my high maintenance, busybody son.
How do I talk to her as her big sister but also as her guardian? Does anyone have siblings who you’re parenting? If so, how do you balance the sibling & guardian in you? I’m trying my best every day but I always feel like I could’ve done better. I find myself angry sometimes at the situation and at my absent, careless mother. None of this would be my responsibility if she was a real mother. If anyone needs guidance rn, it’s definitely me. I just want to do this right.

I (F 30) am an only child who never had a good relationship with her parents. I left my country long ago, and live quite far.
Two months ago my mother was diagnosed with suspected ovarian cancer and I decided to come back home to help during the time she will have surgery. It happened all of a sudden and in 3 days I left my job, room and life abroad.
I found my mother completely abandoned, spending hours alone while she was very sick. There were delays with the surgery but in the end she had it and the situation was worse than expected. We almost lost her but thank God she made it. In this situation I found myself completely alone. My father decided to work twice as usual, we are not staying in the same house. I had to manage the whole situation alone, dealing with the fact that mom may die, caring for her in the hospital (going there twice a day, washing her stuff, buying some things she needs), talking with doctors, keeping relatives updated. No relative showed up to see me and how I was doing, they texted but no one came. This is added to the fact that I really don't like living in my hometown and I lost many old friends.
Now my mom is slightly better. When we visit, my father and her can't resist but make fun of me saying I don't know how to iron, that I'm lazy cause I called a cleaning lady for the house, that I should go to my father's house to clean it, and other personal stuff. This is regularly done in front of other people in hospital.
I also think my mom should hire someone to help her, after a full hysterectomy and bowel resection, over 70yo, she's not able to care for the house alone. I tried to explain it in all possible ways. They made me believe they would call someone but yesterday they said they don't want anyone and my father told me he's not sure he'll sleep in the house when she leaves the hospital (our other house is closer to his job). For me this is absurd and puts all responsibility on me again. It will mean I have to stay alert at all time to check on my mom. My relatives can't be trusted in case I ask them for help. After this she will have chemiotherapy and I don't know how she will react.
My heart is broken thinking of how much she suffered and the fact that her life expectancy is highly reduced by the cancer. But personally I feel completely unseen and my help is minimized. I explained several times that I cannot accept their lack of respect and total criticism of my life, while they often insist that I move back home.
I am thinking of leaving few days after my mom leaves the hospital, go back to my adopted county, and come back for when she starts chemio. But I need to deal with the sense of guilt of doing so.

I (F 30) am an only child who never had a good relationship with her parents. I left my country long ago, and live quite far. Two months ago my mother was diagnosed with suspected ovarian cancer and I decided to come back home to help during the time she will have surgery. It happened all of a sudden and in 3 days I left my job, room and life abroad.
I found my mother completely abandoned, spending hours alone while she was very sick. There were delays with the surgery but in the end she had it and the situation was worse than expected. We almost lost her but thank God she made it. In this situation I found myself completely alone. My father decided to work twice as usual, we are not staying in the same house. I had to manage the whole situation alone, dealing with the fact that mom may die, caring for her in the hospital (going there twice a day, washing her stuff, buying some things she needs), talking with doctors, keeping relatives updated. No relative showed up to see me and how I was doing, they texted but no one came. This is added to the fact that I really don't like living in my hometown and I lost many old friends.
Now my mom is slightly better. When we visit, my father and her can't resist but make fun of me saying I don't know how to iron, that I'm lazy cause I called a cleaning lady for the house, that I should go to my father's house to clean it, and other personal stuff. This is regularly done in front of other people in hospital. I also think my mom should hire someone to help her, after a full hysterectomy and bowel resection, over 70yo, she's not able to care for the house alone. I tried to explain it in all possible ways. They made me believe they would call someone but yesterday they said they don't want anyone and my father told me he's not sure he'll sleep in the house when she leaves the hospital (our other house is closer to his job). For me this is absurd and puts all responsibility on me again. It will mean I have to stay alert at all time to check on my mom. My relatives can't be trusted in case I ask them for help. After this she will have chemiotherapy and I don't know how she will react.
My heart is broken thinking of how much she suffered and the fact that her life expectancy is highly reduced by the cancer. But personally I feel completely unseen and my help is minimized. I explained several times that I cannot accept their lack of respect and total criticism of my life, while they often insist that I move back home.
I am thinking of leaving few days after my mom leaves the hospital, go back to my adopted county, and come back for when she starts chemio. But I need to deal with the sense of guilt of doing so.

I had my first baby 2 days ago, it was an emergency c-section, quite traumatic but I've never been happier with my life. I love my baby boy so much. It felt like everything was going so well but turns out I was just dosed up on the morphine they were giving me. I feel the pains a lot more now and it's really hindering my ability to be able to help with the baby because I have to sit at certain angles and can't quickly move to go and help the baby, and I feel like it's showing in the way he doesn't seem to really want to be held by me?
My partner is so amazing, he's taken on this role so well, he's been doing most changes, making sure I get sleep before he does etc. and while i'm so grateful I feel like my baby doesn't really care about me? I've tried to breastfeed multiple times, he's not interested if anything he seems stressed out when I try and get him to latch. While I am typically still the one who feeds him, he just doesn't seem to get comfy on me, and it's so hard to manoeuvre my body to get into a good position for him because i'm simply in so much pain at the moment.
I already feel so incredibly guilty because I can't be as proactive and help my partner (who hasn't complained one bit), and now it's just so much worse because I feel like my baby isn't interested in me at all. We still live with my partners mother, and my baby prefers his Grandma over me and it just feels like a sting in the heart. I literally type this now while he's in her room being held and cooed at by her, but when he was on me he less than an hour before he was crying and couldn't be settled. I just feel like since we've gotten home i've been trying not to cry because I just don't know what to do. I really didn't even think this would ever be a problem.
I know this is all temporary and soon enough i'll be healed enough to comfortably hold my baby for as long as i want, I just feel so horrific and emotional right now. I feel like i'm failing so hard and I just love my baby so much. It feels like i'm not able to make use of this crucial bonding time and that it's going to have lasting effects and that terrifies me, I don't want to look back on the first few weeks of my baby's life and feel sadness and regret

I (F 30) am an only child who never had a good relationship with her parents. I left my country long ago, and live quite far. Two months ago my mother was diagnosed with suspected ovarian cancer and I decided to come back home to help during the time she will have surgery. It happened all of a sudden and in 3 days I left my job, room and life abroad. I found my mother completely abandoned, spending hours alone while she was very sick. There were delays with the surgery but in the end she had it and the situation was worse than expected. We almost lost her but thank God she made it. In this situation I found myself completely alone. My father decided to work twice as usual, we are not staying in the same house. I had to manage the whole situation alone, dealing with the fact that mom may die, caring for her in the hospital (going there twice a day, washing her stuff, buying some things she needs), talking with doctors, keeping relatives updated. No relative showed up to see me and how I was doing, they texted but no one came. This is added to the fact that I really don't like living in my hometown and I lost many old friends. Now my mom is slightly better. When we visit, my father and her can't resist but make fun of me saying I don't know how to iron, that I'm lazy cause I called a cleaning lady for the house, that I should go to my father's house to clean it, and other personal stuff. This is regularly done in front of other people in hospital. I also think my mom should hire someone to help her, after a full hysterectomy and bowel resection, over 70yo, she's not able to care for the house alone. I tried to explain it in all possible ways. They made me believe they would call someone but yesterday they said they don't want anyone and my father told me he's not sure he'll sleep in the house when she leaves the hospital (our other house is closer to his job). For me this is absurd and puts all responsibility on me again. It will mean I have to stay alert at all time to check on my mom. My relatives can't be trusted in case I ask them for help. After this she will have chemiotherapy and I don't know how she will react. My heart is broken thinking of how much she suffered and the fact that her life expectancy is highly reduced by the cancer. But personally I feel completely unseen and my help is minimized. I explained several times that I cannot accept their lack of respect and total criticism of my life, while they often insist that I move back home. I am thinking of leaving few days after my mom leaves the hospital, go back to my adopted county, and come back for when she starts chemio. But I need to deal with the sense of guilt of doing so.

For context, I am a member of a happy family of 4. I have an older sister, my mom (50F) and my dad (47M). I admire both my parents imensely, my mother being a wonderfull woman and my dad being an awesome guy with cool taste in a lot of shit. Most of the income of our family coming from my father, a successful doctor with a secondary income coming from my mother, wich works with our farm and is trying to make it work.
A while ago, i was playing iracing, and i got home late at night while my parents slept. Hopped on iracing to play some races and i realized my subscription expired, so i entered in my bank account and realized that to pay i would need a security code to do so, that would go to my dad's phone, so i went in their room and got his phone, entered in whatsapp and got the code, but i remember seing a freshly spoken-to contact that belonged to an apparently young woman, and it said underneagh domething between the lines of "you are smart, rich and hot" coming from my dad, but i let that slide and went to play iracing.
2 months later, I find myself in the same situation, got to renew my subscription and ask for his phone, but i remember slightly that old message exchange that my dad had with that woman (who from now on i will call michelle, not her name but whatever) so I end up not just getting my code but looking over my dads phone, and lo and behold, I find old texts of my dad asking for nudes (I do not know michelle, nor her status of relationship with my father, so idk if they were joking) in a jokingly tone, but also coming with complements and flerting, but it was all in the same day of chatting, which means if it happened it was problably a fling or my dad hid it all very well. Later on he asks for the phone and i give it to him. I ended up searching michelle's name in instagram and i find out she has a son, (that wierdly looks like me but i belive that to be a coencidence) and I also found a groupchat of michelle, my dad and some friends of his where they talked about similar shit.
I am planning on doing the same with my mom and trying to find out more about this woman to see if my dad is realling having an affair, or if my mom is having an affair, as i cant trust anyone anymore. So i came here seeking refuge, as I dont know how i confront my parents about this or if i should talk to my sister first, but i dont want my family to fall apart, as my mom cant handle herself all on her own and it would break my dad's heart, and my sister's too. I need advice, all I want is to forget this shit. But what worries me the most is the fact my father's social circle is smaller than my mother's, considering people who have more friends, tend to party more and are more exposed to such enviornments are more susceptible to cheating. I dont know what to do and need advice. Any stem i take is a risk and i must do everything with caution, as my familie's faith is problably in my hands.