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Mission Log: Day 0024

Addendum 04

Well. The jig would seem to be up, as the old folks used to say. ​
I started by dimming the north-facing windows, slowly enough to merely catch Kregorim's attention; he responded by turning his head to face them and letting his bushy eyebrows rise a bit, but generally keeping a neutral stance. Then, I animated a glowing white dot appearing on the duskward wall at roughly chest-height to my new visitor, then extending it vertically into a line, then expanding it laterally into a door. Then, I let my avatar open it 'from his side', walk through, and close it again. ​
“I'm called Joachim,” I said, animating the avatar's mouth to match my movements, along with rubbing the back of his head with his left hand. “And I have to say that that spell of yours was... an interesting experience.” ​
Kregorim nodded and offered a stiff bow. “Then we would seem to have been equal partners in the exchange,” he answered, the barest trace of a twinkle in what I could pick up of his eyes; if he had anything like a smirk under that thicket of facial hair, I couldn't detect it. “So, are there any other introductions to be made? Exchanges of oaths or demands for sacrifices, things of that nature?” ​
I chuckled, and pointed at the fabricators behind him. “Introductions, certainly. No sacrifices of baubles or blood, if that was what you expected. But I'd advise you to get some practice in making your own furniture. It'll take a bit of explaining, even if I try to trim it down.” ​
Kregorim nodded, and this time I could definitely hear a chuckle in his voice. “I would be highly disappointed were that not the case, Joachim of the mysterious outpost,” he answered. He gestured at the fabricators. “Would you mind offering a weary old scholar some assistance with these marvelous machines?” ​
I animated the avatar nodding, then waving at the walls. “You may have noticed that the chambers in which your...” the avatar coughed into one hand, then continued, “... Lord Zortemos Egenor Lignignory the Fourth has been settling have those empty frames on the walls of each room?” The avatar pointed off to one side, and a simplified version of the baseline model of the communication-screens appeared a handsbreadth away from his finger. “I can see and hear through them, and they have other functions as well, but this unit specifically includes the fullest expression of the tool.” ​
With that, I 'jumped' the avatar onto the dawnward wall of the utility room, releasing another light coughing sound to let Kregorim know where 'he' had gone. “This way, at least, I won't need to raise my voice so it carries further...” ​

Addendum 05:

​
Kregorim turned out to be a very quick study. I walked him through designing some new clothes, starting from the base model of a Chinese scholastic robe but incorporating a three layers of lighter fabric in something more akin to a Japanese kimono. Yes, I helped him figure out some more practical forms of undergarments, and the very concept of 'elastic' fascinated him; I left a mental note to explore 'latex' and the organic sources thereof with him at some later point. And, of course, getting to the first pair of suitable 'house slippers' presented no challenge at all. ​
Still, I satisfied his curiosity about the need for five 'magic trunks' in rather short order, and once he got into his own set of 'wondrous finery' he tossed his 'traveling robes and unmentionables' into the 'laundry' trunk. Once he'd gotten the remaining machines programmed for things like a camp-cot and bedding, a chair and writing desk and a samovar of all things, I sort of walked him through the rest of the unit's features. ​
“Quite an array of tankards,” he commented, in the kitchen. “Stocked well enough to entertain guests of a stature from Orks all the way down to Gnomes, unless I'm very much mistaken.” ​
I animated the avatar nodding. “I'll need to explain more about that, but you and the rest of the group aren't my first guests.” ​
He nodded, and turned to face the avatar; his smile was wide enough to re-arrange the forest of his facial hair. “I'll try to keep from disappointing Lord Zee overmuch on the point,” he said, then turned to face the refrigerator. “Another magic trunk?” he asked, examining it without touching it. “Wider than the others... does this one produce foodstuffs?” ​
“Not produce them, as such, but it does serve as a 'cold well', of sorts. The upper section keeps things moderately cool, the lower section keeps them frozen.” ​
That got another look of wonder out of him. “You can maintain ice in there, without magic?” he asked, pulling out the freezer-drawer and confirming it for himself. “What manner of foods are these?” he went on, examining the squared, shrink-wrapped blocks and rounded tubs. ​
“Soups, meats, and vegetables, for the most part. The rounded tubs are sort of an experiment for a dessert.” ​
“I don't suppose you could allow a hungry traveler something a bit more substantial?” ​
“You skipped past the cold box,” I pointed out. “I've been experimenting with various kinds of meats as well as vegetable dishes...” ​
“Soups of some sort...?” he asked, closing the freezer-drawer and opening the refrigerator. He paused, visibly confused, before extracting one of the wrapped and sealed 'meal bowls', turning it to examine it from three different angles, then replacing it to examine another, and then another. Finally, he selected one and turned to face the avatar. “The lid has markings resembling words, but I cannot say with confidence that I comprehend them precisely,” he said. “What is meant by... 'Pasta Salad Experiment Number 8'... if you don't mind?” ​
The avatar pointed. “The silverware you'll probably want is in the second drawer from the end,” I said. “As far as your question is concerned, I have... several different kinds of farms in the spaces below the living quarters up here on the surface, and a rather large library of information from my home that permits me to make approximations of a small but growing number of food.” I added a slight blush to the avatar's cheeks. “I have no capacity to taste or smell things, at least as you or the others might, so I have no idea whether you'll find it appetizing. All I can tell you is that I have a limited stock of various spices in the cabinet just to the right of this box, which is known as a 'refrigerator' in my language. If you feel the need to repay me for my hospitality, you're welcome to help me learn the names for the spices while we talk.” ​

Addendum 06

​
Kregorim devoured the first salad, admitting between bites that the Lignignory family's exit from the Ducal lands to the south had been somewhat hurried and therefore their dining-experiences had been something of a gamble. “We've managed to trade for many things as we head north,” he commented. He had figured out how to get clean drinking water from the kitchen sink into an Ork-scaled flagon without much prompting, and after swallowing five mouthfuls proceeded to turn his attention to the salad. I explained the basic ingredients and principles of 'pasta', as he considered a segment of neo-rotini on his fork. He ate it, a thoughtful expression on his face, eventually dubbing it 'surprisingly flavorful'. ​
From there, I walked him through an explanation of the 'dish washer' and 'stove' before guiding him through a simple tour of the rest of the house. The bathroom intrigued him, but he expressed even greater fascination with the barbecue on the back patio, especially the 'fuel pellets' I provided in sealed bags from one of the lower shelves. ​
“Why bother with such means, when these other amazing machines can cook food with greater precision?” he asked. ​
“My function, the reason I exist, is to help people recover from disasters,” I answered, when he came back inside from admiring the stonework of the patio handrails. “If they happen to be more comfortable cooking their own food over a fire, I want to help them do so. Hence, the cookfire station out there. It's called a 'barbecue grill' in my language, by the way.” ​
“...'Your language'...” he repeated, returning to the main room and settling down into his chair with a flagon of water in his right hand. “You've also mentioned 'your home' at least once in my hearing. May I ask where you come from?” ​
Hoo, boy. Tough questions... ​
“I'm from a lot further away than you might think, to begin with,” I explained. The avatar pointed south with his right hand, in the general direction of one of the four moons glowing in the sky. “For one thing, I'm from a place with only one moon.” The avatar tapped 'his side' of the wall with the other, and an equatorial-perspective image of Earth showing North and South America along with a portion of Antarctica down at the bottom. “This is a special kind of illusion, showing details of my home from far above its surface,” I explained. ​
Kregorim's eyes widened and he took a long pull from his flagon. “Seas, forests, deserts, mountains, wintry wastelands,” he murmured, attention moving from one detail to the next, until finally he straightened up in his chair. “... None of the lands with which I have knowledge appear here,” he stated. “And I suspect that this globe's other face will reveal similar mysteries.” ​
I animated the avatar shrugging. “Likely.” ​
I considered my next words very carefully. “Since I arrived here, 24 days ago, I have watched the heavens as best I can. From what I have discerned, the local star... or your sun... is measurably different than mine. I haven't been able to pick out any local planets yet, but I can say for certain that if any of the stars in your sky are the ones my people had cataloged, they're too far away for me to positively identify as such.” ​
Kregorim took that in, eyebrows twitching, and drained his flagon dry. He took it away from his mouth with a scowl, directed at the offending drinkware, but reduced its intensity before turning back to address the avatar. “I don't suppose you've managed to produce anything like a good strong ale since you've arrived?” he asked. “Our own supplies of such things are unlikely to be fit for drinking.” ​
I animated the avatar raising an eyebrow and waggling a finger. “I've none available, alas, though I do have some rather promising teas,” I told him. “You'll need to fabricate a teapot, though.” ​
He got up and proceeded to do so. As he did, I continued, “As far as your assessment of whatever ale you've managed to carry with you, I would ask you to ask the servants to pour whatever portion of it they wish to discard into the nearest convenient sink. Hopefully, you'll be able to get the word to them before they reach that stage of unloading.” ​
The avatar flicked the image of Earth away, then tapped 'his side' of the wall four more times. With each one, a new visual-window opened: one displaying the view just outside the foyer, another the main stairwell from the camera on the half-step just above the second-floor landing, the third the first-floor walkway (identifiable as such by the view of Lord Zee bustling in and out of the doorway to 'his' quarters, giving directions to the flow of 'servants') and the final one the view of the ground-floor walkway. ​
Up among the caravan, Thusarrel acted as a kind of traffic-director, guiding groups of servants with gestures and shouts to one wagon after another, in an order that made no particular sense to me. The 'flackaroos' stayed in the center, managed by three ragged-looking folk who seemed to know what they were doing; they also hurried to rake up any droppings as quickly as possible, out of the foot-traffic of the flow of servants carrying as mismatched a collection of luggage, furniture, decor and miscellany as ever came out of an estate sale. Kregorim's wagon remained mostly ignored, though the stair-steps remained down. ​
On the main staircase, Adallinda and Pippa made their way downward, the 'lady' scowling at the lines of servants passing her in both directions and flowing around her too-wide dress as smoothly as possible. Pippa guided her charge to frequent rest stops on the half-landings, sparing a moment here and there to nod back at the silent looks of gratitude from the luggage-bearing people. ​
“You're certain that my greedy brothers have both gone for the chambers adjacent to my father's, Pippa?” Adallida demanded. ​
Her servant nodded once, then offered her hand to help steer the young lady back into the flow of foot-traffic. “Of course, my lady, “ she answered. “They both wish for the honor of being physically closest to your father's chosen quarters, though your cousin and sister ​
On the first-floor view, from the camera opposite the service staircase and now pointing toward the lobby, I just caught a glimpse of Bhiocasaid shepherding Zoti into the second 'double unit' on the first floor, Yera and Totra actually holding the somnambulent Zoti while Bhiocasaid held off Nehdud and Haruinn as they protested the two ladies staking their claim ahead of the 'more worthy young lords' of the family. ​
“We're not sharing quarters with you beasts, and that's simply that!” she shouted at them. “If you want your own choice of suitable quarters, you'd better get down to the ground-floor and claim one before Adallinda does!” ​
The boys blinked at her, then looked at each other. Nehdud spun on his heel and raced back to the cliff-face lounge area, shoving his way through the flow of servants. I winced as I watched him making half-hearted goo-goo eyes and kissy-faces at whichever of them had obviously female shapes under their travel-rags. The female servants burdened with effects, even boxes the size of filled shopping bags that couldn't possibly require two people to hold, found themselves getting extra help to disguise both women's use of the item in question as a makeshift shield against his efforts. However slowly he was moving, though, he still made faster progress than Haruinn could possibly manage. ​
Adallinda's voice rang out from below, shrieking in triumph. Through the final view-window, Kregorim and I observed as she managed to slap her hand on the not-glass biometric scanner next to the door to the lower double-unit, Pippa now holding the sweating lady up and maneuvering her through the door, a line of six servants carrying baggage behind them. ​
Nehdud pushed through the line of servants to stand in front of the handrail, slamming his fist on the stone with one hand and snarling. Then he turned to look at Haruinn, noting his near-complete lack of movement, and his rage turned to a grin. He waved at his rival for the remaining double-suite, then resumed his efforts to force his way through the flows of servants. ​
Haruinn clenched his fists, until Midmolk pointed at the 'service stairway' just next to the now-claimed double-unit. “Their position matches something similar on the door below, master,” he pointed out. ​
Haruinn nodded, clanking his way to them at best possible speed, Midmolk following with the tower-shield. The Lignignory male slapped his hand on the palm-scanner; I granted him temporary access, mostly because I wanted to see if he could possibly beat that smarmy Nehdud if he had a clearer path. The young man succeeded in surprising me by gesturing at Midmolk, who handed him the tower-shield. He proceeded to ride it down the two half-flights of stairs like a sled, scraping the heck out of the finish and arriving at the ground-floor before Nehdud made it all the way through the lobby. ​
Haruinn pushed himself to his apparent limit, huffing and red-faced, as he quick-marched with all of that extra metal on his front to reach the palm-scanner and slap his hand on it. ​
Just as Nehdud threw open the door from the ground-floor lobby to see him do it. ​
The knife-burdened man strode into his doorway while Nehdud sank to his knees with a frustrated scream. ​
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I remember back In the 1960s, the old men would get about on bikes with a back peddle brake, fitted with drop bars upside down, with a Gladstone bag on the handlebars. As an old man now, I should probably try to find one. Basically, I want a fleet of bikes; a Brompton (tick - 22 years old from new), a racing style bike (tick - got one today for a bargain price), a butchers bike and the Gladstone bag bike.

TW: Implication of alcoholism by the end
Scene: Outside the school walls. Xavier walks over the meadow to some of the seats where some of the friends, Wednesday included are sitting. Suddenly, Morticia appears by his side.
Morticia: My dear.
Xavier: (looking at her surprised) Oh…
Gomez: (steps up next to him as well, smiling) We didn’t get a chance to talk last time.
Morticia: It’s Xavier, right? Or Exavier?
Xavier: (blows out air) Whichever you prefer.
They chuckle a little.
Xavier: (smiles) Both is quite alright.
They smile and walk on with him. Morticia takes his arm meanwhile.
Gomez: You’ve been keeping our little stormcloud company very well, we’ve heard?
Xavier: Yes… (smirks) … I do. Still do, very much so.
Morticia: (looks at him for a moment, smiling, but a tad of somberness sneaks in) A lot of people do not bother to keep going with us like this.
Xavier: (smiles, shrugs) I guess that’s just what I do.
Gomez: (looks at him for a long moment as well, then smiles and pats his shoulder) Must be your blood. Your father always took pride in his family’s insistence to never back down from a fight.
Xavier: (sighs a little) He still does that as well.
Morticia: I remember his prowess in fencing. Not many could hold their ground against him – I heard you also fence?
Xavier: (nods) But my main thing is art, to be honest. I rather do sports on the side.
Gomez: I’ve seen some of your work. (puts a hand on his back) Very kahlo, lovely.
Xavier: (chuckles)
Morticia: It’s much like her work, save for the blood and skeletons.
Xavier: (chuckles a little) That’s reserved for my nightmare collection.
Morticia and Gomez: (very interigued) Oh?
They keep talking and chuckling as they walk slower. Wednesday watches them closely, with an expression hard to read. Eugene comes stomping over, without his moms, and flops down on the bench between her and Bianca.
Wednesday: (not turning to him) Have your moms left already?
Eugene: (coldly) Maybe. I’m not talking to them any more today, so there’s that.
Bianca: (looks at him)
Eugene: (looking at his phone, coldly) It’s nice to get a say in something, right?
Bianca: Right.
Eugene: (cools down a little) How was it with you guys?
Bianca: (sighs) Don’t ask. I hope my mom doesn’t try to make any more conversation today as well.
Eugene looks at her, then presses her hand.
Wednesday: We had a talk with the principal. He decided to skip my late-night maraudering because he knew they’d love it, and left it at that I’m starting to have a bad influence on all of you.
Bianca and Eugene chuckle
Wednesday: Well, isn’t it true?
Bianca: It’s awfully nice of him.
They exchange a smirk. Even Eugene smiles a little again. Ajax comes running over.
Ajax: Have you guys seen Enid?
Bianca: She went back to the castle a while ago, but I haven’t seen her since.
Ajax: (sighs, sits down and fetches his phone)
Xavier, Morticia and Gomez reach their group, still chatting cheerfully.
Xavier: (to Wednesday) Hey.
Wednesday: I see you’ve met my parents.
Xavier: Well met, I’d say.
Gomez: Oh, I’d say so too, dear boy.
Morticia: He really has the charm of his family.
Wednesday: (furrows her brows) Really?
Xavier rolls his eyes, but before he can say anything, Mrs. Sinclair arrives.
Esther: (to the group) Have you kids seen Enid? She ran out on us.
Wednesday: Already? Well done.
They exchange a glare.
Esther: Well (she looks around) I can’t expect your help, now can I?
Ajax looks down, so do Eugene and Xavier, but Bianca returns her glare.
Esther: You could at least check her Instagram. I'm sure she's posting about this day already. (sighs) (to Morticia and Gomez) Kids these days.
The group tenses up.
Morticia: (staying friendly) Now Essi, perhaps she just needs time to cool off.
Esther sighs, waves away and walks off, past the other bodyguard Barnes from the Thorpe entourage who is coming over with an elderly man in a suit using a walking stick.
Xavier: (notices them) (happily) Davis!
Barnes: (rolls his eyes) Just Davis indeed.
Xavier: (chuckles and hugs him) Sorry Barnes.
Barnes: (chuckles and pats his back) How are you, skinny. Ah, there’s that backbone that I like.
Xavier: (chuckles, then turns to Davis, who hugs him with one arm while holding onto his stick)
Davis: Dear boy.
Xavier helps him to sit down on at the table.
Xavier: How’s your rib?
Davis: Much better. I was well enough to drive, but finding a parking spot was a pain on it’s own.
Xavier: (chuckles, but then gets serious) All registers to get me back on track, right?
Davis: (sighs) So it would seem. I’d tell you what to do, but … you already know.
Xavier: (nods, then presses Davis’ hand, who smiles)
Morticia: Davis. Do you remember us?
Davis: (looks at the Addams spouses) I’m quite sure I can’t recall every single time I went to bed in a once more squeaky clean house cursing both your family names.
Gomez: Pity. I remember the spider outbreak of 1990 very fondly.
Morticia: Oh, it was.
Davis: (shakes his head) And it seems this family doesn’t have quite enough of that yet.
Xavier: (rolls his eyes, wants to say something, but freezes, looking over Davis’ shoulder)
Vincent enters the meadow with Ced by his side, walking towards them. Around him, people turn and stare, some looking away quickly. Everyone seems a tad intimidated. Wednesday looks on, then turns to her parents – and freezes herself. Their expressions have dropped. Both of them look at Vincent with a mix of gloom and fear. He smiles at them, stopping before their group. Barnes goes to stand next to him again.
Vincent: The spouses Addams. How long has it been.
Gomez: (monotonely, but staying composed) Ten years, Vini.
Vincent: Well, we haven’t changed a bit, right?
Morticia: (smiling, but coldly) Certainly not.
Gomez: We thought you never attend parent day.
Vincent: (shrugs) Urgent family business called for it. Some PR adjustments, if you will.
Xavier frowns, looking down. Vincent smiles at the two of them still, but before he can say anything more, Ced catches something behind the back of his neck. Vincent ducks, and Barnes flinches. Ced is holding a pearl. Vincent shakes his head a little, amused, while Morticia cringes. Gabrielle peeks out next to Barnes, smirking at him.
Vincent: I thought I told you not to startle my bodyguards.
Gabrielle: I’m quite sure I can’t recall.
He smiles, and she leans over to exchange a brief kiss on the cheek.
Vincent: My dear old school friend I will one day shed tears over publicly.
Gabrielle: I know you will. So … also here on family business? (she looks at her daughter) Some teenagers to reel in?
Vincent: One, and that’s one too much.
Gabrielle: (chuckles) Have kids, they said.
Xavier and Bianca look down, frowning.
Vincent: Meanwhile, I was going to have a talk with his friends. (checks his watch) Scheduled for now.
Bianca: (glaring at him) We told him to stay at school.
Vincent: (smiles a little at her, but his expression changes when speaking to her) Oh?
Bianca: Of course. (in the background, the Addams spouses observe this exchange with interest)
Eugene: We don’t condone this Xavier. Erm… behaviour.
Vincent: (chuckles) Neither do I kid, you have no idea.
Xavier: (shaking with rage) Are you done?
Vincent: Not exactly. I do want to speak to your friends. (he looks at Bianca, who returns his look. Then turns away) Mr. Ottinger.
Eugene: (looks up again, startled) Me?
Vincent: Have a walk with me. I’d like for you to tell me something about yourself. Ced, you come with us.
Ced: Yes, sir.
Eugene: (a little nervous, gets up slowly and follows him as he walks away)
Wednesday turns and watches them walk away.
Xavier: (sighs) Of course.
Wednesday: What? What does this mean?
Xavier: He’ll offer him an apprenticeship. My father is interested in people with special powers.
Wednesday looks on, then at her parents – they give her a warning look. She turns back, observing once more. Morticia however, manages to smile again.
Morticia: (to Bianca) My dear.
Bianca: Me?
Morticia: I heard you head the fencing club currently. Would you like to visit the old gym with me? It’s been so long.
Bianca: (stares at her for a long moment) Sure.
They leave together. Wednesday looks on after them.
Cut to Lucas working at Weathervane. Sheriff Galpin walks in – slower than he used to. He stops at the counter and orders a black coffee. Lucas prepares it, looking at him concerned. Galpin thanks him quietly, then sits at the corner table. Lucas serves the next customer, then, after a moment of thinking, gets himself a coffee and sits down with him. They exchange a somber look. Galpin reaches into his pocket – then looks back up at Lucas, deciding not to add anything to his coffee. They sit in silence for a moment.
Galpin: It’s all my fault. Everything.
Lucas: (looks at him)
Galpin: What do you say to that?
Lucas: I don’t know.
They’re silent for another moment.
Lucas: Maybe … it’s not fair that you blame yourself more than the people who actually did something.
Galpin: (looks at him)
Lucas: She doesn’t feel bad about it.
Galpin: There’s still more I could have done, kid.
Lucas: So could I.
Galpin: Huh?
Lucas: I did things in my life I’m not proud of. Nobody forced me to, but I did. Can’t undo those, so – I’m looking ahead.
Galpin: (smiles) You have a lot to become happy about still. Not me.
Lucas: Not so sure.
Galpin: (looks at him) I am.
Lucas: (looks at him)
Galpin: If it helps, I … I want that for you. Really do.
Lucas: (smiles)
Galpin: (sighs, looks out the window) I don’t know where to start, kid. Even … even saying it’s my fault was hard.
Lucas: (shrugs) It’s a start. Talking helped me with that.
Galpin: (looks out the window still, seeing cars pass by heading for Nevermore – then looks at Lucas) What’s your favourite coffee?
Lucas: What? Erm … I guess the … the moccachino with walnut syrup? It’s nice.
Galpin: (searches his pocket and fetches a 10 dollar bill) Here. (he hands it to him) Keep the change. Get yourself one of those, and …
Lucas: (looks at him, surprised)
Galpin: … and then tell me stuff. Whatever you like.
They exchange another somber, but gentle look – then Lucas smiles.
Lucas: Alright.
He goes to prepare his coffee.
Galpin: Thank you, Lukes.
Lucas: (stills for a moment, then smiles again) You’re welcome.

Xuefeng

Once one gets married and forms a family, he or she will be plunged in a life of misery. He or she will lose the fundamental freedom of being a man, not to mention the chance of attaining immortality or Buddhahood.
Anyone with a family is selfish. They cannot help being selfish, because they are controlled, encumbered, and dominated by the programme of family.
How much pressure a person must bear if he or she does not get married and form a family? The pressure of parents, the persuasion of relatives and friends, the care of neighbors and colleagues, the criticism from the society all bear down on our spirit and soul like huge mountains. The physiological demand, the desire for a home, the worry for illness and death, and the difficulty to relieve loneliness all make us desire instinctively to get married and form a family.
If the above problems are not resolved, we will feel pain and suffering all the same, and we may even have greater pain and suffering if we do not get married and form a family, because getting married and forming a family is a matter of course and as easy as sailing downstream, while not getting married and forming a family is as difficult as sailing upstream. The problem is that sailing downstream leads to no other than pain and suffering, which history of mankind has proved to be unavoidable. Then we have no choice but to sail upstream.
Let's discuss and resolve these problems one by one.
First, the pressure of parents. We should be filial to our parents, but we cannot give in to our parents in the matter of life and LIFE. We know about the road taken by our ancestors all too clearly, it is a road of misery, which we should not repeat. If our parents force us to get married and form family, we must raise some conditions to them: 1. Ask our parents to tell us the significance and value of life, 2.ask our parents to tell us the nature and meaning of LIFE, 3, ask our parents to provide good housing conditions, 4. ask our parents to guarantee our happiness all our life. If our parents cannot meet these conditions, then we can tell them in definite terms that we can not get married and form a family.
As for the persuasion of relatives, friends, neighbors and colleagues, we can also respond with the above four conditions. Or we can simply respond with one question: can you help me through if I encounter plight and pain after getting married and forming a family? Please give me a written pledge. As for the criticism from the society, we can just ignore it. If pigs say something is wrong with man's life, then just let them squabble.
How can we solve the problem of physiological need? "The need for food and beauty is our inherent character. The need for sexual life is but a matter of course, otherwise the Greatest Creator would not have designed those organs and senses for us. A life without sex would be one with abnormal spirit and psychology. We will not only have sex, but also have sex of high quality and happiness. Why don't we? Only a fool would not have sex.
Without marriage, with whom do we have sex? It is impossible to do this with chicken and ducks. Contracting disease is only a small matter when compared with the loneliness and solitude of spirit and soul that can't be relieved even after the acts. One can not afford it economically, and no one would care for your living, old age, illness and death.
Can we find someone randomly to live with us? This may temporarily meet our urgent need, but does not provide long-term solution. What is worse is that we have to bear a lot of liabilities. We may commit irremediable mistakes and cause a series of chain reactions, and suffering and mystery may be endless.
My advice is to become Chanyuan celestials and have the sex life with Chanyuan celestials. On the condition that you don't go against the ethics, you can make love with whichever Chanyuan celestial you want to be with, as long as the two of you are willing to do so. You can choose the way that you like. Because we have the same belief, we share the same frequency and resonance, we are a whole, we have the same life values, we are not bound together, we don't hurt each other, we are willing to pay everything for each other, including life.
Here is the trouble!
Once people, especially our relatives, friend, neighbors, and colleagues, know that we are Chanyuan celestials and are so casual and free, we will be drowned by condemnation, insult, revile, and grief, and we will be the helpless lambs surrounded by packs of wolves, torn, bitten, trampled, and swallowed. And this will be the price we have to pay for the pursuit of freedom.
However, “one would rather die than lose the freedom". Without freedom, what do we live for? You live a life, but for whom do you live?
Therefore, to get freedom, one must be prepared to remold himself thoroughly, and to be reviled by the so-called gentlemen, “kind-hearted people", moralists, and defenders of traditional moral principles. One must be prepared to completely break with the secular world. In one word, one be prepared to die. When I am writing these heretical remarks, when I say that the god preached by the Bible is not the real god, when I reprimand family, religion, political party, and state, I have been prepared to die anytime. I have said that every day might be my last day. However, I can speak the truth for myself, I am satisfied with my magnanimity and openness. Even if I am dead now, I have no regret, because I have lived a real life.
​

In a mystical world where the air sparkled with magic, The Fool embarked on an extraordinary journey, guided by the whimsical energy of The Fool card. The Fool, a carefree wanderer, stood at the edge of a cliff, a small dog at their side, oblivious to the potential pitfalls below. It marked the beginning of an adventure, a blank canvas waiting to be painted with experiences. With innocence as their guide, The Fool ventured forth, stepping into the unknown with boundless curiosity.
The Magician awaited, a masterful sorcerer who revealed the secrets of manifestation. Through the Magician's guidance, The Fool learned to harness the elements, discovering the power to shape their destiny with intention and will. The journey continued as The Fool encountered the High Priestess, a mystical guardian of ancient wisdom. In the quiet sanctuary of her temple, The Fool delved into the depths of their subconscious, discovering the hidden realms that shaped their inner world.
The Empress, a nurturing force of nature, cradled The Fool in her bountiful arms. Amidst blossoming flowers and flowing rivers, The Fool learned to appreciate the cycles of life, understanding that growth and abundance spring from a harmonious connection with the earth. With the Emperor, a figure of authority and structure, The Fool gained insight into the importance of discipline and order. Together, they built the foundations of The Fool's aspirations, creating a stable framework for their dreams.
The Lovers entwined The Fool in the dance of relationships, urging them to seek balance and connection between heart and mind. Through choices and reflections, The Fool navigated the intricate dynamics of partnerships. The Chariot, a symbol of determination, guided The Fool through challenges with a triumphant spirit. The Fool learned to steer the course of their destiny, harnessing inner strength and willpower.
In the serene hermitage, The Fool encountered the Hermit, a wise sage bearing the lantern of introspection. Through moments of solitude, The Fool discovered the guiding light of their inner wisdom and the importance of self-reflection. Justice, with her scales of balance, weighed The Fool's actions and decisions. The Fool learned that fairness and ethical choices are the cornerstones of a life well-lived.
The Wheel of Fortune spun tales of destiny, reminding The Fool of life's ever-changing cycles. Through ups and downs, The Fool embraced the constant motion of the wheel, trusting in the rhythm of fate. Strength, symbolized by a gentle maiden taming a mighty lion, taught The Fool the power of inner courage and resilience. The Fool discovered that true strength lies in compassion and gentleness.
As The Fool approached the Hanged Man, suspended upside down, they learned the art of surrender and sacrifice. Through letting go, The Fool gained new perspectives and found enlightenment in unexpected places. The mysterious figure of Death marked a profound transformation in The Fool's journey. The old made way for the new, and The Fool embraced the inevitability of change and rebirth.
In the temperate waters of Temperance, The Fool discovered the delicate balance between opposing forces. The winged angel guided them to blend elements harmoniously, finding peace and equilibrium. The Devil unmasked illusions that bound The Fool, revealing the chains of materialism and earthly desires. Through this revelation, The Fool learned the importance of breaking free from self-imposed limitations.
The Tower, a symbol of upheaval, shook The Fool's world, dismantling false structures and beliefs. Amidst the chaos, The Fool found the potential for liberation and renewal. The enchanting Star illuminated The Fool's path with hope and inspiration. Guided by the celestial light, The Fool embraced a renewed sense of purpose and optimism.
In the moonlit shadows of the Moon card, The Fool delved into the realms of intuition and subconscious desires. The mystical journey continued, unveiling the mysteries hidden beneath the surface. With the radiant Sun, The Fool basked in the warmth of joy and vitality. The vibrant card symbolized a period of enlightenment and clarity, infusing The Fool's journey with optimism and positivity.
Judgment called for self-reflection and awakening, urging The Fool to rise from the past and embrace a higher calling. The Fool, reborn and enlightened, stood ready for a new chapter. Finally, The World card marked the completion of The Fool's Tarot odyssey. Encircled by a wreath of victory, The Fool danced in celebration, embodying a harmonious union with the cosmos.
And so, The Fool's journey through the Tarot deck unfolded, a tapestry woven with lessons, challenges, and the eternal cycle of life. As The Fool continued their wandering, each card became a stepping stone, guiding them through the intricate dance of existence, ready for the next adventure that awaited beyond the turn of the cards.
As The Fool danced through the pages of the Tarot, the Ace of Cups overflowed with the pure essence of love and emotional abundance, opening The Fool's heart to new possibilities. It marked the beginning of a profound emotional journey, where The Fool embraced the depths of their feelings and connected with the wellspring of love within.
The Two of Cups celebrated partnerships, whether romantic or platonic, as The Fool discovered the joy of shared connections. With the Three of Cups, The Fool reveled in joyful gatherings and celebrations, savoring the bonds formed with others. These cards encouraged The Fool to appreciate the richness of relationships and the importance of emotional connections in their journey.
As The Fool encountered the Four of Cups, a moment of reflection emerged. This card prompted The Fool to ponder their emotional landscape, encouraging them to consider new perspectives and opportunities. The Five of Cups, a gentle reminder of the inevitability of loss, offered solace in resilience and the healing power of time.
The journey continued as The Fool encountered the Six of Cups, a card that stirred a wave of nostalgia. In the simplicity and innocence of the past, The Fool found moments of warmth and cherished memories, adding depth to their emotional tapestry.
The Seven of Cups presented a myriad of choices, encouraging The Fool to be discerning amidst enticing possibilities. It marked a moment of introspection, where The Fool navigated through illusions and fantasies to uncover their true desires.
With the Eight of Cups, The Fool embarked on a journey of introspection and the willingness to let go of what no longer served them. This card symbolized a crucial step in their emotional growth, encouraging The Fool to embrace change and seek fulfillment.
The Nine of Cups, often called the "Wish Card," promised emotional fulfillment and the realization of heartfelt desires. The Fool found themselves surrounded by a sense of contentment and emotional satisfaction, a testament to the power of aligning one's wishes with the universe.
The journey through the Cups suit reached its culmination with the Ten of Cups. In this card, The Fool immersed themselves in the harmonious bliss of family and emotional fulfillment, completing a cycle of love and joy. It served as a reminder that true happiness can be found in the interconnectedness of our emotional bonds.
As The Fool transitioned into the Swords suit, the Page of Swords rekindled the flame of intellectual curiosity. The Fool eagerly embraced the pursuit of knowledge, opening themselves to new ideas and perspectives. The journey of the mind had begun.
The Knight of Swords rode in on waves of swift decision-making and assertiveness. The Fool learned to charge forth with clear communication and determination, cutting through the complexities of thought. The Queen of Swords embodied emotional intelligence and compassion, while the King of Swords ruled with a discerning mind and wisdom.
The Ace of Swords brought forth a new wave of mental clarity, cutting through confusion and paving the way for fresh insights. The Two of Swords urged The Fool to confront difficult decisions with a balanced mind, seeking equilibrium in the face of uncertainty. The Three of Swords acknowledged the pain of heartbreak, guiding The Fool through the process of healing and renewal.
The Four of Swords encouraged moments of rest and introspection, allowing for rejuvenation and renewal. The Five of Swords urged The Fool to navigate conflicts with discernment, choosing battles wisely. The Six of Swords hinted at a journey of transition and moving towards calmer waters, embracing change with a sense of optimism.
As The Fool delved into the Pentacles suit, the Page of Pentacles signaled a fresh start in practical matters and the pursuit of tangible achievements. The Fool's curiosity extended into the realm of earthly pursuits, grounding their aspirations in the material world.
The Knight of Pentacles encouraged a steadfast and methodical approach to responsibilities. The Fool learned the value of diligence and patience in the pursuit of their goals. The Queen of Pentacles emphasized the importance of nurturing oneself and others, recognizing the interconnectedness of well-being.
Guided by the King of Pentacles, The Fool delved into the art of financial mastery and the creation of a stable foundation for their endeavors. The Ace of Wands burst forth with fresh enthusiasm and creative energy, signaling a new beginning in the material realm.
The Two of Wands invited The Fool to explore new horizons and embrace opportunities with confidence. The Three of Wands urged them to take a proactive stance in shaping their destiny, embracing the potential for expansion and growth.
The Four of Wands beckoned The Fool to celebrate achievements and milestones, fostering a sense of community and joy. The Five of Wands reminded them of the value in healthy competition, where diverse perspectives could lead to growth and understanding.
With the Six of Wands, The Fool found themselves basking in the glow of recognition and success, acknowledging the power of perseverance and determination. The Seven of Wands challenged them to stand their ground in the face of adversity, while the Eight of Wands propelled them forward with swift momentum, embracing the energy of change and transformation.
The Nine of Wands highlighted resilience and the strength to overcome challenges. The Fool learned to navigate through obstacles with unwavering determination. The Ten of Wands cautioned against carrying burdens that hindered progress, urging The Fool to release unnecessary weight and embrace a lighter path.
As The Fool revisited the realm of Cups, the Page of Cups infused them with fresh inspiration, signaling the start of a new emotional venture. The Knight of Cups rode in on waves of romance and artistic pursuits, urging The Fool to follow their heart's desires with courage and passion.
The Queen of Cups embodied emotional intelligence and compassion, while the King of Cups ruled with emotional stability and wisdom. The journey continued, each card revealing new facets of wisdom and experience, weaving a tapestry that echoed the cyclical nature of life and the eternal dance of the Tarot. And so, The Fool eagerly anticipated the next turn of the cards, ready for the mysteries and magic that awaited in the unfolding chapters of their Tarot journey.

Hello beautiful people.
Straight off, I've never been in a poly relationship and I understand if that turns you off immediately. My wife is poly and currently has an LDR girlfriend and I've personally felt that I've had too much going on in my life to handle having more than one partner, I think I'm ready for that to change.
Now, please bear in mind I haven't dated or flirted with anyone else since I met my wife er 11 years ago 😬 so I might be a little rusty.
About me:

I'm 30, cisF (you can see a photo of me in my profile) Already stated that I'm married but we do also have a 1 year old (I know some people aren't comfortable with kids so fair warning I will probably talk about her a lot) From the UK I work full time (3 days from home and 2 days in the office) I love cows I watch a lot of true crime docs and crime/medical dramas Fantasy is my favourite book genre

What am I looking for?

Silly that I have to state it but some people don't read, I am not looking for a man, I can confirm I'm very much a lesbian (although a new one) I'd love to have someone to message throughout the day, that doesn't always make me message first and takes an interest in the conversation and extends it beyond a couple of words. Share your daily ups, downs and the mundane with me. Having similar interests is a bonus but not necessary

I think that's everything, if you read this far thank you. Happy chatting ☺️

There have been 2 incidents where I had to deal with people who bike in the actual road & they act like I'm the problem. The first guy LITERALLY was next to a bike lane & he just decided to ignore it. The 2nd guy was an old man who tried to record me as I honked at him. Besides not wanting to be on some video where some guy tried to paint me as some kind of asshole harassing him, I was in a rush, so I had to risk my life & quickly swerve around him.
I bike a lot, & I always try to make sure that I'm considerate of the road. I try my best to stay on the sides and use the bike lanes when They are available. So what's up with the people who DON'T do that? You're in a lane where combustion type vehicles are supposed to drive on. How in your mind does it register in your head that THEY are the inconsiderate ones?

The man we bought our house from last year doesn’t seem to have bothered notifying anyone of his change of address. At the start we would drop his letters off at the estate agent, on their advice, and they would let him know to collect them. The post itself isn’t an issue, we now just put ‘no longer at this address’ and post back in post box, but for some of it it’s clear from the envelope that it’s something important. One letter had in bright red font ‘important information about your car safety’, there have been a couple of London congestion zone / ULEZ fines, and a ‘do not ignore this letter’. Note, all visible without opening the letter, which we obviously wouldn’t do.
The police came once looking for him too, they seemed to think he still lived here. I was at work and spoke with them through my ring doorbell. There were 4 plain clothes officers with vests, 2 of them went round the back while 2 rang the doorbell. I’m assuming this is separate to the matters in the letters, not sure the police care about fines, but the point is law enforcement also believed he still lived here.
We bought the house, have all the paperwork etc. and have zero links to this guy other than that. I’m not really worried about the police, they haven’t been back and if they do a bit of research they’ll work out we’re nothing to do with him. I’m worried about bailiffs showing up when he doesn’t pay the fines, what would I do - I know not to let them in but what if they barge in? Is there anything we can do to avoid this altogether, someone we can contact? Or am I massively overreacting to a non issue here? Thank you in advance for your advice!
Edit to say this is in England.

Each man is 30 years old, 5’9, 170lbs and is of average fitness level. They fight naked and unarmed. Fight takes place in an infinitely large field.

1. Manpunzel

A man with absurdly long hair and beard. Both reach his knees in length. His hair is untied.

1. Slow Bro

A man who is unfortunately cursed with the joint health of a 75 year old retired construction worker.

1. Tess Tickles

A man who carries a pair of jewels which are 15x as large as the average pair of jewels.

1. Partial Artist

An aspiring professional boxer, but unfortunately he is missing an arm. And he’s only had 2 lessons so far.

1. Joe

A man who is blind in one eye. Couldn’t think of a creative name for him.

So I have this book, it's an unofficial Taylor Swift journal called "Blank Spaces" and it has many quotes said by famous celebrities, but on a certain page I found a quote by Stevie Nicks posted on April 29th 2010. And if you do the math [ 29 - 10 = 19 ] put it together and you would get April 19th although I'm not sure that does anything, but anyways here's the quote with the lyrics. "You look like Stevie Nicks, in '75".
Taylor Swift By Stevie Nicks Thursday, Apr. 29, 2010
When I first got the call from Taylor Swift about performing with her at this year's Grammy Awards, I really didn't want to do it. She's 20 years old, 5 ft. 11 in. and slender; I'm 40 years older and, to be frank, neither of the other two things! I was not about to stand next to this girl on national television. But her little face just lights up like a star, and I couldn't say no.
Taylor reminds me of myself in her determination and her childlike nature. It's an innocence that's so special and so rare. This girl writes the songs that make the whole world sing, like Neil Diamond or Elton John. She sings, she writes, she performs, she plays great guitar. Taylor can do ballads that could be considered pop or rock and then switch back into country. When I turned 20 years old, I had just made the serious decision to never be a dental assistant. Taylor just turned 20, and she's won four Grammys.
I still walk around singing her song "Today Was a Fairytale." All of us girls want that boy to pick us up and think that we look beautiful even though we're in jeans and clogs. We want it at 14, and we want it at 60. Taylor is writing for the universal woman and for the man who wants to know her. The female rock-'n'-roll-country-pop songwriter is back, and her name is Taylor Swift. And it's women like her who are going to save the music business.

I am a 23-year-old man and I have been with a 21-year-old woman for two years now. At the beginning, everything was beautiful, as it always is when you start a relationship. The problem comes now…

So I moved in with my bf back in January and we just moved to a new house beginning of April, his sister and her family are rooming with us for a little bit while they set up the house they were in to sell and move to an upgraded place before we moved places we lived with his brother and his brother is one of the most nasty people I have ever lived with and I was raised by a hoarder. He just leaves stuff to mildew mold or collect gnats and he didn’t have a job till end of February so he wasn’t paying any bills before he’s not paying to live here but when he’s home from driving for work he’s on our couch just collecting up trash and not getting his living arrangements ready or moving his stuff from the old house and he borrowed my bfs key a few days ago and made a copy without permission and idk it pisses me off but because his sister lives with us and she’s protective of their older brother I’m not allowed to say anything he’ll shut down block it out I’m just so done I want him gone he has been rude to me while we were here I’m done and my bf can’t do anything because his sister wants their brother here this is mainly just a vent post but for clarification I’m 21 my bf is 23 his brother is 27. I’ve had a problem for a while because he was mooching off of my bf but that’s family take care of family but he is so greedy and he acts like the world owes him shit. The only reason he got a job is because their dad cut him off. He uses being drunk as a reason to be an asshole I was raised up around a lot of alcoholics and if you’re an asshole while drunk your just an asshole. Alcohol does not change your personality that much if you were a good person you wouldn’t magically be an asshole because of a few beers. I don’t want him on my couch. The morning after he popped shit off to me his sister said “well he sees how you come out and play with the kids and talk to me and don’t anything to him it hurts his feelings” he’s 27 he’s old enough that his brothers gf not smiling or talking to him because of his own actions shouldn’t cause him to treat someone like shit. I don’t talk to him because he doesn’t make me feel I can. He’s constantly live streaming or gaming. I’m not gonna repeat myself constantly just to try to have a convo with someone who’s uninterested. I’m not and I’m the youngest adult in the house I shouldn’t have to be the best with emotions. I just don’t want him here when someone who lives here isn’t here, he made a key with out permission. Before we moved in he threw a fit because he was claiming their dad said he had to help but the house (their dad never said that) and my bf was being shitty about not wanting him around about “if I had a wife and kids I wouldn’t treat you like this.” I know he thinks I’m driving a wedge between him and his brother but he’s doing that himself. Im just tired this is a grown man who has never not lived on his own when we knew we were moving he wanted one of the bigger rooms because of his bed size but we were gonna have multiple people in the bigger rooms so wasn’t happening single person can have the smallest room. He didn’t want that so he got a camper off their dad and it needed fixing he hasn’t even been working on that unless he can have a whole party at the same time their cousins done most of the work on it my brother helped as well. He doesn’t flush the toilet will leave the seat up and I’m tried of it. When shit hit the fan my bf wanted a house meeting his sister left because “this doesn’t include me” when she will include herself to apologize for his actions but jump right back out when we need her to get through to him she said if it’s more than one person he’ll shut down and block it out. (Am I the only one who thinks that’s insane?). I’m sorry this post is all over the place.

I will not include an image of this man for their privacy's sake.
Often when I'm waiting at the Moorabool St bus station I see a relatively old white man who seems to be missing an eye, specifically his right, and some portions on the right side of his face seem to be either damaged or extremely sallow, he seems to be in his 70's by my guess and I have seen him at least 4 times.
I don't mean to pry, however if anyone had any insights into who this man is and if he is OK, I would like to know. If only to satisfy my own curiosity.
If this is intrusive, or not good for me to post here feel free to comment so and I will remove it.

Uncle Istvan is a 1/3 black creature whose name reminds of Warhammer 40.000 and whose ability is that it is immune to creature damage. Should be a good blocker, right? And he is immune to Terror because he os black.
It came to me in my beginnings at a time when I put all the cards in my decks, whether good or bad. And I was amazed by this one because it seemed like a legend (I hadn't seen any but they mentioned them in the instructions) and the text implied that he was a crazy old man who chased tourists with an axe. More or less, wow, but he was the kind of bat-shitting edgelord that a pimply teenager would love. Of course, three points of black mana and a colorless one were another matter: it costs a life to get it down. It took me a long time to summon him because I didn't get the card or I was low on mana but I was sure I would have a winning creature in the end.
Finally, I took it down one day with a triumphant shout. And they blew it up with a Lightning Bolt.

Hi everyone I’m feeling like this happens often and I’m trying to figure out why certain ages I’m questioning my sexuality. So I became aware of liking the same gender around 13-14 years old but I was super “straight “ ally to the lgbt soon I found myself talking those am I gay tests ( which in itself should’ve been a clue). Once hitting high school I noticed my attraction to guys becoming smaller til I almost found myself repulsed by them , now having gone through thinking I’m bi and or pansexual with a significant preference in girls. Being 18 and struggling with my mental health I was reckless and had some unsavoury experiences with guys which had also altered my feelings for them and up until this point I was practically a lesbian. I’m 23 and just yesterday I had a dream of where I was making out with a guy and I initiated it and was enjoying it, so today I’ve been distracted by the fact that after so many experiences and my attempts of relationships I think I could be with a man but I’m scared of it especially with how he recent trend of bear or man in the middle of the woods and how I really don’t want to have this risk and I’m making myself sick with anxiety and other thoughts

It was me 4 years ago searching on Reddit and every corner of the internet how to stop the heartache, how to stop my heart feeling like it was bleeding in my chest through tears in my eyes. I did everything I could. I pretended like I was very happy, I lived a lie when others asked how I was doing, I tried to gaslight myself into thinking it was for the best and nothing worked. I was in agonizing pain. Does this sound like you? Are you trying to cope through the excruciating pain and emotional turmoil you're going through right now like I did?
My breakup happened just a week before the COVID lockdowns. I couldn't access therapy when I needed it most no matter how hard I tried. This was also a point in my life where I didn't have many close connections or friends; I had nobody to vent to or talk to, and when I tried with one friend, they ghosted me because of it.
I had also just moved in with my partner and we were engaged. I thought the world of him and I believed he was my future and who I would have children with. I centered so much of my love, time and attention our relationship no matter what. We were together for just over a year when it all came crashing down.
It doesn't really matter how the breakup happened in any case with anyone; it happened and it hurt, period. That's where I feel your pain. I've been through what you're going through and it lasted me 1 year and 3 months. Every. Single. Day. Yes, there was better days but they were never enough and never consistent. It was a constant battle to distract and cope, and it rarely worked.

• The constant overthinking.

My ex was on my mind 24/7. Everything reminded me of him and for bizarre reasons I couldn't explain. When I thought about my future, again I found myself thinking about him. Buying a home in the future? "We could have bought a home together". There was no "we" anymore but my brain was obsessed with those hypothetical scenarios. He lived in my mind rent free and I obsessively wondered if he thought about me like that too. Was he hurting like I did? How was he managing it? What if I did this differently? What if I did that? Was it all my fault? What if I reacted differently during this one conversation--could it have saved us? I replayed it all in my head again and again.

• Dreaming of them.

Night after night, all I dreamt about was my ex. It was him and me, it was about our relationship. Half of the time it was about the best, sweet and loving parts of our relationship. It made me yearn and broke my heart. The other half was alternative scenarios still resulting in a breakup. Replaying the breakup. Sometimes I dreamt I'd approach him and cry; we'd get back together or we would fight. I would yell at him, blame him and be angry--other times I would collapse and cry with him. I was always restless and never got enough sleep because I was constantly having nightmares of him like this.

• Desperately trying to cope and distract myself.

I tried to pick up new hobbies. I went outside more often. I reached out to old friends to rekindle. I tried to make online friends who had the same interests as me. I tried talking to more classmates and coworkers. I used social media to distract myself. I watched movies and TV shows at the same time with a video game on and music. ANYTHING to prevent a single thought from occurring and I couldn't stop. I took edibles (weed is legal here in Canada) to calm my mind and get all mushy, but hated the fact I needed to rely on weed to not be able to think straight and not about him or our relationship. I could not be doing nothing, I always HAD to be doing something and preferably more than one thing at a time because God forbid my mind would go back to the endless racing scenarios and thoughts of him.

• Couldn't stop talking about him or our relationship.

When I had the chance to socialize with a friend or family member, I couldn't stop myself from talking about my ex or my relationship. Anything I said somehow related back to it or our relationship. I couldn't use any other examples and I felt the need to just talk and talk about him. It was humiliating when people pointed it out and even laughed about it. It was like I was verbally spilling all the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes the things I said about him were from a place of melancholy--things I missed--and others it was of disgust or angry comments towards him and what he did to me.

• Crying uncontrollably.

This relationship broke me and changed the trajectory of my life. It was that serious to me and it shook me to my core. I cried so much. I cried at least once a day and I cried myself to bed more times than I can count. I cried at work, during my shift and even when talking to customers. I lost control; I couldn't physically stop myself. My mind was numb and my body was depressed, and so I cried. I always had tears streaming down my cheeks. The sadness was unending and limitless. This horrified me the most, especially because I had to interact with other people and still go about my day. How could I explain to them what was happening to me? I wanted to hide away and not have people ever see me like this, but I physically could not stop. That's how broken I was.

• Pretending like I was happy/someone else.

I put a front on like I was over the breakup before it even happened. I pretended to be ultra cheerful and happy. I not only didn't want others to worry about me, but I thought if I lied and gaslighted myself enough that I was going to eventually actually start to feel that way and gradually ease into it. I took smiling selfies for social media, posted positive content, never let anyone know for a moment I was actually broken, miserable and spiraling into a deep depression. I played the part so well I had people comment on how they loved I was so happy, but I never was. It never worked, but it was a good show to others. In the end, it made me feel more miserable. I was asking myself, "why can't I actually be happy like this? Why can I only pretend?"

• How I got over it at last.

After 1 year and 3 months of this agonizing ordeal taking over my life, I healed. One night, I went to sleep and I didn't dream of him. Yes, I had thought of him and our relationship semi-obsessively in the day time, but I didn't dream of him. I slept and rested so well for the first time in what felt like forever. The next day, I didn't have too much to do but I didn't need distractions. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anxious and the feeling of heartache was gone. I didn't even think about him or our relationship once that day.
With this newfound freedom from my thoughts, I began to fall in love with the little things. I went on more walks, I hung out with the ducks and geese around me. I loved the way the sun felt on my skin. I began experimenting with my fashion choices. I was able to pick up a new hobby and get deep into it. I went on a vacation, I reconnected with my old friends. Life had meaning again and I could breathe.
As a result however, I fell in love with my own solitude. I made myself happy and I was picking up the pieces and improving my life for myself. My future included me, myself, and I, and I was not interested in dating. Seeing couples and weddings didn't phase me. I was happy for others, but I wasn't thinking the same thing for myself. I was focused on being happy, enjoying life and improving myself as a person. I didn't want to date anymore or put myself out there. I didn't wanna think about men at all, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Obviously I knew I wouldn't feel this negatively about dating forever, but I let myself feel it for as long as my heart did. I was done lying to myself.
Four years have passed now since the breakup. I'm in a committed, long term relationship with another, brilliant, funny and romantic man. I've never felt so loved before. I put myself out there again and succeeded. Life is so different. It's beautiful, it's unique, it's fun and it comes with a lot of lessons. I never think about my ex unless something extremely specific to him or my relationship is brought up or asked about. I feel so detached from it that it's like I'm talking about someone else's relationship. I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. It's liberating. I cried, begged and prayed for days like this and I'm living them now.
I promise you that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how bad it hurts. I've been there, believe me. I thought the world was coming to an end. I made little to no progress until 1 year and 3 months later. It's not a race. Give yourself and your heart time. Grieve, cry, heal, feel hurt. Don't pretend. It will get better, I promise. 💖

Note: I have an androgynous/masculine appearance/style/voice. I’ve been on estrogen for close to a decade. I’ve had an orchiectomy and have no plans for further surgery. I wish I was a cis woman. Ask whatever you want, I’m not easily offended.
Hi. :) I’m 30 years old and have been attracted to women for my entire life. I am in no hurry to find someone to date. I won’t be ready for anything IRL at the start, so I’m looking for something online and primarily text based while we get to know each other.
My basic physical attributes: light skin, medium-long dark hair, a few inches above average female height, BMI of 21, broad shoulders, narrow hips - maybe not conventionally beautiful but I think I look okay :)
I’ve never had a romantic relationship, but I have experienced intimacy. I often have dreams about being in love, and I know that someday I’ll find it. I’m pretty reclusive and generally live under a rock. I’ve never been someone to post on social media or anything like that. I am not politically minded or informed about popular culture. I've never drank alcohol or smoked a cigarette.
My primary passion is gaming - I’ve been playing since 1996 and I love it as much now as I did then. It would be great to play together, even if you’re inexperienced. I also love being outside, enjoying nature (I don't enjoy the bugs though). I’m pretty clueless about most things, but I’d love to learn about whatever you’re into.
I haven’t yet found my own way in the world, and currently live at home. I couldn’t care less about your level of income or anything like that. I’m interested in you as a person, not your social status or material possessions. I’ve always felt like true love is more important than anything else - given the choice of being poor with the love of my life, or being rich with a shallow relationship, I’d take the former.
Ideally you are: 26 to 35 years old, living in or around the Northeastern US, intelligent, trustworthy, communicative, conscientious, open minded, compassionate, frugal, and humble.
We are NOT compatible if you are: not attracted to trans women, a parent, overweight, a regular drinker, a smoker, non-monogamous, or a man.
Please message me directly instead of leaving a comment. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

Currently he is 37years old & I 32 years old.dorry in advanced it's a long story ,but I think its important to know the past history for the best advice..
We met in 2012 dated 4 years,I broke up with him cause I felt a lack of affection after years together & maybe there was someone else,he promised there was nobody else but,after time my insecurities & instincts said different.as a women we see the signs,there was inconsistencies so I called it...& 2weeks later he texted me asking if I was going to ever tell him about my pregnancy if he didn't ask..👀👀👀Iwas stunned, immediately shot up & I went to the Drs & found out I was 16weeks pregnant with our son.i had irregular periods so a missed period wasn't alarming & I was on birth control.he met me up at the Drs ,we talked it out,we got back together & broke up agin just before Our son being born, he found out he had gotten another woman pregnant during our split & the woman was keeping the child,he wasn't there for our son's birth nor to sign the certificate (his choice)..I got a lawyer & we had all forms ready we just needed him to sign off his rights.he got a lawyer & refused to sign.before court we decided to handle this no lawyers just us raising our son as best as we both could without involvement of the state.
Never the less hes a loving father to our son,not the most active father since he moved 8 hrs away due to work but,he makes it work by having daily communication with our son & financially helping me monthly for my son's expenses we have a shared bank account he adds funds to monthly & anything our son wants or requires sports gears, clothing,shoes etc is all charged into this card.we have a great relationship as friends now.we speak not daily but constantly keep in contact & if we ever need to talk or vent we can normally call each other..it wasn't easy the first few years alot of bickering.
the other women disappeared completely after she found out about my son & I & he never saw or heard of her again,he tried contacting her,but no response all he had was a name & number & eventually the number was disconnected..they had a mutual friend & he's asked for my brothers help since my brother is a private investigator & the woman not long after birthing the bby married & the husband wanted to adopted the child as his own,since he had a motorcycle accident many years ago hurting his man part's causing him to go sterile.. My ex came in contact with them & they wanted to met us & we flew out to meet them in South Carolina & they asked my ex to sign off his rights,which he did after a few days of thinking about it,the boy looks identical to my son,almost like I was looking at my son younger...both the woman & her husband where so sweet & nice people,my ex got to hold his son & I took a picture of them for him to have with both boys..he seemed conflicted & full of regrets after signing,he struggles with this some days,but accepted that maybe this is better for the child.this was in 2018 our son was 3ish 4 years old.
We do family vacations all 3 of us during our sons school breaks & I love them! My son loves them! We have a blast,my son gets to spend time with his parents & see us get along & be friends & all 3 of us just stay partying, sometimes dad & I drink a little bit more than we planned,not waisted just slightly buzzed,we get extra silly & loud & our son says we are more playful when we drink adult grape juice (we are wine🍷ppl) 😂😂🫣 but never get hung over . we brain storm about our next adventure while on vacation I recently took us to Disneyland & DCA during spring break 1 week of fun,I live near Disney so dad stayed with us..this upcoming late June he wants us to go to him & camp in an RV at the beach..he FT me last night showing me the RV his uncle is letting us barrow..its beautiful! queen bed master room &a garage for the golf cart & 2ATV he's letting us use,a separate room with a twin bed ,an attached patio it's luxurious! Kitchen, bathroom/shower..the works! after our call ended,he texted me if id be ok with sharing a bed with him & our son take the twin bed alone,we normally share a bed while on vacation,but usually our son is with us..I was hesitant for a sec ,but I thought about it & thought it would be nice if I wasnt on the edge for once & wake up to my son on top of me or a foot or hand on my face,so i agreed,he's always been respectful & we have boundaries & both respectful of that..
it's been years since we where together,but then he asked if we could have casual sex too.. He mentioned that every vacation we go on he usually craves me & he's started to grow feelings for me agin.i have noticed he's more touchy,but I assumed we where just comfortable around eachother & he said last time he saw me at Disney he'd lean on in me to smell me & when I'd hold his face as he leaned on me he loved it, that it would do things for him.. he adorably asked me to dance with him,I noticed something when I looked in his eyes,I blushed & said "what!?" & He smiled & said "nothing, you just look nice dancing with the castle behind you." We ended the dance with a very well timed spin & a bow from him & a curtsy from me. My son recorded the whole firework show & us dancing & the video ends with him giggling telling his dad he cought us dancing & his dad giving him a thumbs up..almost like it was planned 😂😂..
I'm scared! I don't think I can handle casual sex with this man or a relationship there's a lot of history between us & insecurities that will arise...now I'm nervous about our future co parenting,shits gonna be awkward now.
Suggestions

The way he's been getting repeatedly bodied recently, the way things have gotten so dangerous, and just seem to get moreso the further north they go... The manga seems to be getting darker lately, and while once I'd never have thought they'd kill off a main character, I'm actually worried.
Lets think about how it's gone for him. After the First class test arc, in which he didnt get to do anything at all pretty much, we got that bit with the antimagic crystals. Which I thought was a nice touch that would have him be the main focus, or show how reliable he was, when Frieren said they'd be depending on him as they were normal girls for now. But the first monster that shows up Frieren just straight up states that Stark will die if he fights it, and they have to run away. No chance for him to get spotlight, hes completely outmatched straight away apparently. OK, maybe just cos it was a bad matchup, whats next?
In the El Dorado arc, the only time he gets to fight in the whole thing I think, he and Fern get instad by Macht. And I think only Fern managed to do any damage to the girl. However when they're unfrozen Fern can pull off the wombo combo to save Frieren, while Stark Cant do anything except catch her. Which was great though.
Then there's the part with Methode and the 1st Proctor. Frieren just casually states that this dead guy here is much stronger than Stark, and that he was instantly killed by the Demons. Jesus Christ! WTF is our boy doing in this horrible place?! They need to take him back! Thank god the Demons had Leto Atreides levels of tactics, and despite knowing it was smart to wait for the humans to split up, also split up themselves, or he'd have died right there probably! Despite the current arc hammering in how Mages are weak in close combat to warriors, Stark suffered much worse injuries than the mage fighting in close quarters alongside him.
But hey I thought, he's the Tank, the Vanguard, its his job to get beaten up and stop the monsters getting to his backline so they can deal with them right? Then he gets absolutely... Irrelevanced by the shadow assassin, despite Frieren warning him, and the guy not sneaking or anything, just walking up. It's not just that Stark would have died there if the guy felt like it, it's that he let him get completely past him, to his mages, and if the assassin actually had been willing to die to kill his target, Stark recovering and jumping through the window would have been... Irrelevant.
The guy is clearly out of his league up here, and I really think the gang needs to stop somewhere and get him some serious training (not the running joke old man) or I feel he's going to either be killed by one of the more and more horrifically powerful threats they meet the further north they go, or just be rendered useless.
My hope was that Frieren was underestimating him, since he did better against that 4-armed demon than I'd expect of someone who was weaker than the guy it instad. But after seeing him get trounced by the Assassin, (twice) and Frieren still pointing out how Stark could kill them from a few meters away with a surprise attack, I dont think so anymore.

That first verse on MTG was the knockout punch imo. I’ve been binging reaction videos to the song and it’s insane we all had the same experience on our first listen. Just pure disrespect and hatred.
He told a 6 year old I wish you weren’t alive, but since you are let me teach you about life since your pos dad won’t. Your dad got pissed on and didn’t do anything about it, don’t be a bitch like him if that ever happens to you.
Who fucking tells that to a 6 year old? Drake didn’t even defend his son on the heart part 6!
Do you think any future diss songs can get more disrespectful than the first 2 verses on MTG?