Pimple like rash on face and body

Mary's perspective
So I'm tied to a fucking tree, though at least I'm in the shade. Hooded, panel gagged, wrapped in a white sleep sack, secured with rope. My ass, tits, and pussy exposed. Almost directly beneath my hanging boobs, two of Queen Of Mean's most junior Dommes play Spades on a fold out card table, ignoring me for the moment. Not that I'm complaining.
The filming for the episode where Saarya Rahul's clone is discovered by the Perseverance Co. has started. Yeah, I learned that bitch Lara Gupta is coming back, before I knew why.
I was actually mummified and trapped in the bondage frame on the Amazonian Ship's bridge. We're not filming a scene, QOM's crew just found it a convenient place to strap me into when they're busy and want to make sure their lowest slave stays out from underfoot. Just like in the ready room, I'm supposed to have a domme watch me all the time for my safety.
Of course, Daci is in charge of drawing up the rotation, and she assigns the youngest and most immature of Queen Of Mean's crew to watch me. No big surprise, sometimes they go to screw off with their friends, leaving me trapped alone on the set. A silent mummy with her lady parts hanging out, and her wide, desperate eyes tracking back and forth.
That's what happened the day I was reacquainted with Lara. I had been enjoying the peace and quiet of the set, I actually enjoyed not being tormented by one of QOM's sadistic Junior Dommes. Then I heard steps and laughing voices, coming from the sets back passageway. I braced myself from some sadistic cruelty from my Mistress Daci and her evil minions.
Instead I heard Mistress Daci say "You want to know where Girl Mary is, Miss Nora and I want to surprise you. Surprise, Miss Lara, here she is!" I heard an audible gasp that had to be Lara Gupta. "That's Mar-".
I hear Mistress Nora's girlish chuckle. "You said you read the release material, Lara, this is Girl Mary being her new super submissive self!" Both her and Mistress Daci giggle.
The three women walk around to regard my mummified ass from the front. To the right Mistress Daci, in her black Amazonian pilot flight suit, with red insignia and badges. She grins at me with her usual sadistic delight.
In the center Lara Rajaneesh Gupta in the flesh. I'm surprised she's not wearing the tight bootie shorts and unicorn T-shirt. She is wearing a loose fitting black T-Shirt saying "Want To Impress This Desi Girl? Whip Me Up Some Curry!" And what looks like faded store bought Levis. Most striking is her eyes. Last time her eyes were shifty and sneaky. Now they're warm and open, she actually looks saddened by my plight, and embarrassed for me.
I don't have much time to process that when I hear Mistress Nora speak. My eyes automatically track to my slender former student and current Domme. She's wearing her especially low cut Stellar Compact Navy blue jumpsuit with Commanders rank tabs.
"Girl Mary, why are you contaminating these two fine free ladies with your scummy slave gaze? Eyes down now!" Realizing my mistake, too late, my eyes dropped to the deck. I hear Daci giggle at my plight.
"Mistress Daci, why isn't there a domme to watch this slave and stop behavior like this? This is lax for such a professional crew as yours." Daci seems more serious when she says. "Miss Nora, I apologize, I fix it now." A moment later I hear her chewing ass, presumably on her phone, of the domme she assigned to watch me. I take no pleasure then that, I know the little bitch is going to take out Daci's butt chewing on my sorry slave hide.
"Miss Nora, Miss Lara, I apologize, the domme assigned to watch this subbie is on her way back here. She will be appropriately disciplined for not watching this slave." Miss Nora says "Thank you, Daci." Lara remains silent.
I hear footsteps running down the passage in a rush. Daci orders the junior domme to halt in the entrance, and unleashes another blistering tirade on her. Then she tells her to remain in place until her betters leave.
Nora says "Daci, Lara, lets forget this unpleasantness, I ordered us some curry from Miss Connor's favorite Thai Bistro! She's going to have lunch with Slave Sarah and Slave Constance at her living unit. Layla is going out to eat with a visiting uncle. We have the Ready Room to ourselves, we can eat and chat there."
Lara and Daci agree that sounds good and I hear the three ladies receding steps. Then I hear my designated Domme "Miss High and Mighty barks orders and eats with the cute little bunnies, while I have to watch your stupid ass! But that's okay...I can still get my own back!"
I feel the first stinging line of fire on my behind from her whip. Punishing my slave ass unfairly for her screw up...
A day later, I'm sandwiched between Nora on my right and Layla on my left. I'm naked, hooded, and panel gagged with my arms bindered behind my back. My nipple clamps chained to the desk, my clit leash anchored to the deck.
We're in the classroom where Constance and I were first indoc'd into QOM's crew's way of doing things. Guess I'm not even good enough to be in the ready room anymore. At least for script readings, Daci, for whom English is obviously not her first language, is absent. Layla and Nora can get really rough, but even together they're not as mean as that fucking Romanian bitch.
Today I focus, and obey their directions, keeping my gloomy slave feelings inside. My former protege and the Hispanic girl are surprisingly calm as they guide me through my part of the script.

 Opening Scene 

A mummified, helpless girl secured to a tree. Only her eyes, tits and pussy visible in her slave wrappings. The camera pulls back with her still centered. She's surrounded by a hellscape of burnt out vehicles, scorched earth, and blackened trees.
A robotic AI Voice gives a briefing:
AI briefer: At 0800 we spotted a hostage at the forward observer point guiding artillery pinning down the 6th Stellar Compact Marines Battalion. Obviously female, her identity remains unknown, although she might be one of the MIA Orbit Guard members from when this planet was initially assaulted by a combined Amazonian N'Docc" force.
This tactic was first noted when we were mopping up the surviving ground forces after the retaking of the Botany Bay colony. A captive is secured at a critical strategic point, to buy them time to do the most damage to Stellar Compact forces and slip away. They know we will eventually sacrifice the hostage, if we feel that's necessary. But they know our doctrine, that we have to do a cost benefit analysis and try to save the hostage if we can. They count on this to do the maximum damage as they retreat, if they can't turn the battle to their favor.
Unfortunately, a cost benefit analysis determined this unknown hostage could not be saved without unacceptable losses to the 6th Marines, and possibly jeopardizing the ground campaign on this world. At 0956, the determination was made to terminate the forward observer post with extreme prejudice.
A Plasma Mortar Smart Round was keyed to the coordinates and launched. ( A Holo Data link picture appears, showing the mortar in relation to the forward observer spot. A graphic represents the round launched, and a line with mathematical calculations represents its trajectory).
(The picture shifts back to the restrained slavegirl. You see shifty scrambling in the background) It appears all hostiles manning the outpost detected the launch and escaped without discernible casualties. (The hostage isn't so lucky, her desperate eyes track the flaming football descending on her position. She mmmphs and wiggles, her big breasts swaying. A moment later, in an Orange red flash she is incinerated, a death devoid of dignity bestowed on so many courageous Stellar Compact female soldiers before her).
(The view shifts with no further commentary, which would be superfluous. We see Commander Gail to the left of a large viewscreen, Rear Admiral Mendez to the right. Gail puts her head in her hands and takes a moment to gather herself.)
Mendez: Commander-Nora, I'm sorry. I know that must be hard, especially after what happened to Captain Rommie. But I need you to understand what's going on down there. There are still fierce pockets of resistance. Stellar Compact Intelligence has confirmed that the Amazonians want to take you alive and make you a Whipping Girl, whomever does it will attain greater honor than even Commander Sappho capturing poor Rommie. Is a morale tour really worth it?
Gail (Raises her head, visibly pulls together) I know the risks, but understand why you showed that to me. I don't want to die at all, especially not like that. But war entails risks. I knew that when I pounded my fist on that table, and yelled at a conclave Admirals, that I risked Dismissal or even Court Martial. I know it now, and think it's important enough to do.
Mendez: It's not just you. The media has dubbed you the "Heroine Of Botany Bay" and "The Savioress Of The Stellar Compact" you being killed, or slowly tortured as a Whipping Girl, could devastate our morale at a critical juncture, even turn the tide of the war against us again!
(Mendez takes a deep breath, pauses)
Don't get me wrong, I care about your well being Commander. I lost one of the finest female command Officers I knew on my watch. If I lost another-I don't know if I could forgive-(The normally poised Admiral casts her head down and seems to be wiping away tears).
(Nora reaches out to gently touch the Admiral's right shoulder with her left hand. Unsolicited contact with a Flag officer in peacetime can be a serious offence, depending on circumstances. In wartime, it can be a Capitol one. The Admiral's Marine Guard starts to move in on the impertinent commander. The Admiral pulls herself together and waves them off).
Mendez (Grabs Gail's hand with her right, clasps it in both hands) Nora, the first time I saw you, you seemed ready to jump behind the Cybo-Chief Warrant Officer ASSHO to escape from my gaze. Now you're a battle tested hero. You've come a long way baby."
Nora: Ma'am, I never wanted to be a hero. I don't FEEL like one. All I ever wanted to do was be an explorer. Also show a society on the verge of revoking women's rights, that we ARE as capable as men. But now that I am one, it's not about me, it's about us, the Stellar Compact as a whole. What kind of hero avoids risks when it comes to encouraging those who look to them as a role model?
Mendez (releases Gail's hand, looks stern again) Young woman, I could order you not to go ground side. (She gets a small, fond smile) an order you might choose not to obey. So I don't have to convene Court Martial proceedings, I give you permission. You be careful down there, Commander, or I will personally spank you like I used to do to my daughters!"
Gail (small smile) Ma'am, I have Chief Warrant Officer ASSHO protecting me-and Gabby-Staff Sergeant Perez and her Marines. I'd bet on them over a Regiment of N'Docc" any day!
Mendez (Stern and serious) Young lady, you may have to. Keep your head on a swivel. Dismissed.
(Nora salutes, the Admiral returns it, the meeting is over. Nora leaves the briefing room, her own Marine Guard falling in after her as she leaves).
I try to cover my chagrin, once again, "Boss Bitch" Miss Connor, makes me look pathetic and my Mistress looks awesome with her writing. I wish I'd never asked Dave to let me start this project! I'm still strapped to this tree, sweltering, with my lady parts exposed for all to see.
Lara's perspective
So "Boss Bitch" asked to meet me at 08:30 at the Ready room for a script meeting about my character. With my security badge, I could walk around unescorted, and I had the cypher lock combo to the ready room. Still when I came to the door ten minutes early, the red privacy light was on, I thought it polite to wait for Sheila.
The pretty half breed girl rolls up almost right on time, trademark fedora on head, coffee cup in hand. She sees the red light and frowns. She politely asks me to hold her cup and pounds the intercom button.
"Alright, bitches, I don't care if you're having a les orgy in there! You have 30 seconds to get dressed and wipe off the table, then I'm coming in!" She takes the coffee cup back and times it on her phone. When time's up, she punched in the combo and stormed in, with me close behind.
Her assertion of them having an orgy isn't far off. Constance is naked, kneeling and facing a chair, her arms secured with padded zip ties to each arm of the chair, panel gagged. Sarah is also naked, behind Constance, standing and with arms bindered behind her, though not muzzled. She is proudly standing facing us, smiling, her fine Asian assets on display.
I take a quick glance at Nora, in her blue jumpsuit, sitting across the table with a coffee cup in hand. Her proud smile shows how far her exotic subbie has come. Sarah knew without being told she had to proudly "present" to Sheila and I, because she was nude. I look back at the two naked girls.
Layla is on the other side of the chair from Constance in her Stellar Compact Marine Uniform, smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Our fearless leader fixes the two Dommes and the Alpha Slave with a "Start talking, ladies" gaze. Nora asks "Sarah, would you like to explain to Miss Connor what we're doing?" Sarah eagerly replies "Yes, Mistress Nora!"
The Asian girl turns to face Sheila earnestly. "We're helping Constance get in touch with her submissive and sapphic desires. I was rubbing my nipples on her back and whispering in her ear, while Mistress Layla reassured her and calmed her. This was an idea the four of us came up with together, and Constance has a safe signal, three mmmphs, if it gets too intense for her."
Sheila's attention turns from the happy, nude former Navy girl to the other sub. "Constance are you ok, and alright with all this?" Constance mmmphs "Yes, Miss Connor." She doesn't sound under duress, this is the most relaxed I've seen her.
Sheila nods. "Girls, make sure you clean up any messes you make, and no going down on each other on the table, remember we eat there. Carry on." Three clear, and one mmmphed "Yes, Miss Connor."
Sheila nods. "Lara and I will be in my office, don't hesitate to knock if you need me." Boss Bitch turns to her office and I move to follow.
"Miss Connor, Lara wait ." Nora is looking at us with a bold, devilish glint in her eye. Where is that mousy little waif I met the first time? "We're ahead of the shooting schedule, we have time, why don't you and Lara join us? Four Dommes, two subs, why not have a little fun, girls?"
Then the gleam in her eyes got even more wicked. "If one or both of you want to sub for awhile, relinquish some of your responsibility? Two hot dommes, four exotic subs, it would challenge Layla's and I's Mistress skills, and we'd all enjoy a big shower of girl come." Nora and Layla exchange looks like they're ready, even eager for that challenge.
Sheila looks intrigued, hell I'm a little intrigued and horny myself, despite what happened last time. But Sheila firmly asserts "Tempting, my little horndogs, but we're ahead because I put business first, my horny little bitches. Lara and I have a lot to do if we want to stay on schedule, so we'll have to pass. Have fun girls." Layla, Nora and Sarah look disappointed, but nod, they know who's in charge.
When Mary, Nora and Sarah "topped" me last time, Shelia helped them Domme me, of course, but never took off her clothing. Does she ever cut loose, get naked with her girls when they get really wild? If Sheila and I had a private session, who would top, and who would bottom? My pussy getting wet, I send those thoughts to horny jail. Sheila's right, we have priorities, not just the show but saving Sandy.
I wait for Sheila to sit, then politely take my seat. With her usual lack of preamble, Boss Bitch shoves a shooting script for my first new episode across her desk at me. I pick it up and page through it.
Basically, Commander Gail does a morale tour of the violently liberated colony world Persephone. The Stellar Compact has the upper hand, the Alliance fleet being driven out of the system. Fierce pockets of N'Docc" and Amazonian Warriors fight on ground side, they'd rather fight to the last cat and woman than surrender.
The Mobile Medical units are overwhelmed with military casualties, so liberated civilian casualties languish. The Red Cross, the Red Crescent and other medical NGO's are allowed on world to pick up the slack. The problem is some of them feel obligated to treat N'Docc" and Amazonian wounded. This causes sometimes enraged reactions among a recently liberated civilian population. Violent acts against aid workers who treat the enemy are common. Military authority usually looks the other way if a victim is the "enemy" or someone known to treat them. Most incidents are blamed on "Insurgents" even when they're obviously not the culprit.
During a tour of a hovel city, Gail, Assho, and their Marine Guard hear screaming. They head down a shadowy alley, and see several men trying to rape a dark skinned woman clad only in a tattered man's work shirt, the rest of her torn clothes strewn around the alleyway.
Gail yells at them to stop, and the woman takes the opportunity to flee her rapists and run to Gail, ASSHO, and their Marine Guard; cowering behind ASSHO. A moment of shock from Gail, when she sees the woman is a dead ringer for her mentor LCDR Saarya Rahul, but she composes herself.
Gail: What are you men doing to this poor woman? Hasn't the enemy done enough, bastards like you need to finish their work?
Scumbag 1: Begging pardon, miss, but this little tart is giving aid and comfort to the enemy, we's just seeing if she got some fur her own, miss.
Gail(looking disgusted) Really? You're a sick freak.
(She's about to say more when a local militia patrol shows up. They ignore the Scumbag and his two minions focusing on the girl hiding behind ASSHO).
Patrol Leader: Causing a ruckus again, you little tease? We let you off easy even though you were the Domina's body servant. You still can't keep from making difficulties.I'm taking you to lock up!
(Gail clears her throat pointedly)
Patrol Leader (Really looking at her, taken aback) Oh, sorry Commander, that this little twitch got you caught up in her troubles. If you'll just hand her over...
Gail: (looking for insignia, seeing faded Sergeant stripes) Sergeant, you will arrest these three men and take them to your lock up immediately, charge them with attempted rape!"
Patrol leader (looking shocked) Ma'am you can't be serious....
Gail: Take them into custody now, or we will. And I'll report you to the planetary Provost Marshall!
Patrol Leader (Looking angry) Aye, Ma'am! (To the scumbags) C'mon boys. (The patrol surrounds the three men but doesn't cuff them. The patrol laughs and jokes with the scum as they saunter away).
(Gail looks disgusted, but then turns to help ASSHO tend to the sobbing girl who is a double of her mentor).
I look up. "Your usual top notch work, Sheila, Ari will believe we're not just phoning it in. Trust me."
Sheila looks at me soberly "I do. Now let's start talking about freeing my sister....
I nod. "So my initial plan is to simply purchase her...

As per my normal weekend routine, I grab some packs from Walmart, I order a pizza, and I try my luck at hitting a couple alts. When the pizza guy knocked on my door he looked so familiar but I couldn't put a name to the face. I asked him if I could take a picture and he said "of course, I get that a lot" but I still have no idea who he is. I know he used to do something with Pokémon on YouTube, but clearly that's not going soo well. Anyways I didn't really get any hits just a few full arts, but from what I can tell, it looks like a lot more rip and shippers are gonna be delivering pizzas in the future.
https://preview.redd.it/aaozo7iv9j1d1.png?width=1914&format=png&auto=webp&s=932b32eee54e9364e188ad0943d2d36677bc9dcf

Please note: This doesn't have to do anything with my recent ForHire post. The difficulties I've had with my own search for help, especially in light of my extensive experience with finding resources, is actually what prompted me to offer resource search, tips and other services on that subreddit and elsewhere.
My difficulties are also what brought me here for advice. I have a medium-sized growing vestibular schwannoma/acoustic neuroma that's compressing through the CPA my brain/brainstem, nerves and blood vessels. It's also causing extreme hyperacusis instead of typical deafness. This is in addition to nearly a dozen chronic, some rare conditions.
Recent emergencies caused work disruptions, set off the hyperacusis and eventually exacerbated the other health problems (i.e, made the other tumor symptoms worsen, undermined my immune system and caused severe pain throughout my body that has finally mostly resolved this weekend). I lost a lot of money during the down time.
That said, most of the financial crisis is behind me. But, I'm still dealing with one critical bill today. I set up a fundraiser over the weekend on Facebook and tried churches, organizations, etc., but I only received one donation so far.
My questions:

• How did you quickly fix a financial problem caused by your condition when you couldn't get a loan or possibly didn't have a strong family, social or community support system?
  
• What did you do when faced with financial difficulty and a deadline you couldn't change?
  

I'm going to lose everything I own that's in a storage unit and possibly have my identity stolen because of my health and the impact of everything that happened on it and my finances.
Any advice is appreciated. I have to resolve this problem today, hopefully in the morning and no later than early afternoon.

So you know how in analog horror the classic trope is the stretched face, blacked out on one side, eyes piercing into your soul? I’d get a picture but it’s 1:24am as I write this. I’ve been getting dreams like this. A normal dream at first, but after a twist or after sleeping in the dream, it appears. The person I was in my dream slept in their closet because one appeared in the back corner of the room between the wall and dresser. Just staring. No movement. No action. Any meaning?

Whether it be social and/or medical, do people show zero interest in your transition?
My transition has been pretty quick because I started T 2 months after coming out and I am now 8 months on T. At first, I was on one pump of testogel every other day, but once it got upped to 2 pumps every day 2 months in, the changes have been rather drastic because I started off with extreme baby face.
The only interest people have had is to ask me about pronouns and I told people to use he/him when they deem it appropriate because I don't want them to see me as a he/him girl.
Every time something gender affirming has happened, either family/friends look at me like I have made the entire thing up or they refer to my biological sex in their response. If I speak about my voice drops or physical changes e.g. wider face, people show zero interest when sometimes all I want is for the other person to be happy for me.
As my university job is a customer facing role, I have a large sample size when it comes to social interactions and how they've changed over time. Last week, a woman said to her mum "let the gentleman help you" because I was doing an online order for them. That same day, one guy called me "mate" and another called me "bud" and used he/him. I am so used to it now that I'd be shocked if someone did otherwise.
However, I stopped telling my friends/family a while back because they look at me in disbelief so it's very embarrassing to talk about it.
When I was in my butch lesbian appearance phase, I expressed feeling embarrassed and got "well I've already told my parents you're a lesbian anyway" instead of just saying "I know it sucks, but things will change".
My parents are transphobic, but the other people in my life aren't. However, it feels as if I am all alone in this process because nobody takes any interest and any positive experiences remain in my head and I use comparison photos when I feel bad about my appearance.
People on reddit i.e. you awesome people, are always great and stop me from feeling alone in my transition. I've seen decent changes in the gym and my PT is great and supportive. I gave him my new name because he kept calling me man/mate and he/him when I first met him at a lifting class, and my debit card is in my new name so paying him hasn't outed me. Another guy at the gym always acknowledges me and we sometimes have man-to-man conversations. Again, all of this I don't repeat.
I've accepted it, and I am okay with keeping it to myself. But, sometimes it would be nice to talk about it?

Are there other exhibitionsts here like me? I've been posting my face too lately like this. Mas exciting pag ganun. Parang body lang pag neck down lang post ko. And sarap talaga after posting. Libog na libog ako.

Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if:

• I'm the one overthinking it
• If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?
• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

hey so like i’ve been listening to subliminals for over 9-8 years, basically since i was a preteen and i’ve gotten really amazing results, physical and otherwise but right now im really concerned with this one thing. i dislocated my knee around 2-3 times over the past 5-6years and basically the doctors told me that my patella on one side of my knee( the thing that holds your knee cap in place) is a bit loose which makes it more easy to dislocate and if i have a dislocation like that again i might need surgery(last resort) but they also said that with exercise it can be tightened and well so im really trying that as i got hurt again there lastnight but it wasn’t like a dislocation but i was thinking would it be possible that with exercise and a subliminal made to strengthen the patella?if we can have people change whole facial structures, increase heights and all that, shouldn’t it be possible to strength our body parts as well?i’ll be doing my work as the doctor suggested with the exercise but having had used subliminal and received amazing results makes me think getting paid request made for this specific reason would greatly benefit me?i really want to ensure that my knee is alright and i don’t end up dislocating it again. what do you guys think?if i should request a paid subliminal from a sub maker for this issue any recommendations which sub maker i should go for?any and all suggestions and comments related to this are appreciated 💕

Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if: - I'm the one overthinking it - If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?

• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

I understand men get horny. I understand men naturally like to look at women. Whatever. But I couldn’t help but feel the urge to throw up when I went through his phone (with permission) and saw a couple women in lingerie on a instagram saved collection he has, and women in his instagram search history whose pages are 90% their bodies. I asked what the purpose was and he said “yeah probably lusting”. I know not wanting my partner to watch porn is probably unrealistic in today’s society, but it’s a boundary I placed and we agreed on because he cannot bring himself to give it up and i’m convicned he’s addicted. We are very sexually active and I try my best to satisfy him, trying new things, buying new lingerie he chooses, which makes me feel like shit knowing at the end of the day he still checks these girls out, to add on look nothing like me (have bbls and breast done). I, who was entirely against ever sending nudes to anyone, have even sent him some because he originally tried saying he only does it because I “don’t send him anything” and he has nothing to look at and masturbating with nothing to look at isn’t possible. Yet I still found tons of porn searched and different women saved on his social media. This led me to breaking down, feeling disgusting and unworthy, and made him delete my nudes and our nsfw videos together off his phone. I felt insufficient. He tries to make it better by saying he would never cheat on me, which he hasn’t, but I can’t help but get this gut wrenching feeling. I have even been repulsed by sex recently, just feeling like a ragdoll during it. I love my boyfriend and he loves me, but maybe not enough. I don’t know what to do and don’t want to grow to hate my boyfriend, or be even more disgusted by him than I already am. Am I overreacting? How do I deal with this?

Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if: - I'm the one overthinking it - If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?

• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

This morning I was feeding my 8 month daughter and my husband knows very well she gets easily distracted, I ask him almost 3 times a day to let her eat before he can try interact with her or disturb her. He keeps doing it and today was one of those days. So today I woke really tired and I told him he can continue to feed her as I’ve asked endlessly to stop interrupting her. I had a look of disappointment on my face since.
He failed to feed her as he always does- she didn’t want anymore. Then he eventually turned to me shouting “why are you looking at me like that huh”. Right in front of the baby and the helper that came in to clean. So I asked him why can’t you just ask without shouting he continued to shout saying” why you looking at me like that”. It was so uncomfortable for me because he feels so comfortable to disrespect in front of people and it isn’t the first time.
I had the look of disappointment in the first place because I’ve asked him the same thing daily, I’ve spent the whole day yesterday making the babies food without him offering to help in anyway, the baby is a little underweight so we have to try to feed her enough.
I’m just really tired of him shouting at me and not being aware of his surroundings

I'm not sure if I have RLS but it is the only thing that might fit what's happening. This has been going on for about a month or so. Sometimes at night I have this irresistible urge to make a fist, curl my toes, bend my arm to my chest and bend my leg into itself. It only happens on my left side, lasts less than 30 seconds and it feels like the worst muscle cramp ever. I have anxiety and not being in control of my own body is terrifying.
Has anyone else experienced this?

Last week I posted [this] here.
It's been a rough week. Need your guidance for the next steps.
Had to put on the "stone face" everyday at work. My work requires interacting with multiple people a day so I need to keep up some kind of mask for smooth interactions.
Endless thoughts of "Oh, bet she'd like this", "Can't wait to talk to her about this", "New dinning place? Can't wait to bring her there".
Then the reality sets in... I guess this is "the void" people talked about. The nights have been cold and empty for the first time in years.
I have been weaning myself off her. Reduced from texting all day to just when I have free time. Trying my best not to text, call, or Facetime on whims. Morning run, lift weights, stay at boxing gym until 8 p.m., do whatever to distract myself. The new project I started is currently stuck in production hell so it will take a while.
Yesterday I drove to her home to say my final goodbye to her family. I felt it was a right thing to do since they have pretty much adopted me for 2 years. There was a lot of sobbing from both of us and everyone else. I brought her to visit places that we have never visited before near her home. We watched sunset on the mountain top together.
The trip back home has never been lonelier. 3 hours of crying while driving back home.
I temporarily moved out of my rented apartment to stay with my parents, thanks God we live in the same city/province. I think I will stay with them until I'm ready to face the world again... but this time I'll have to do it without her.
This weekend will be our last trip together. We planned it a few months ago when she came back from abroad. Plus, she always loves going seaside but we couldn't do that during the pandemic.
After that... then what? What do I do?
Should we keep contact? It's not that we had a nasty break up. We always want to have each other in our lives. Our chat still has pink background we have been using for 5 years and still has 😘 for reaction instead of 👍.
The thought that one day, when one of us has someone new, or something bad happens to one of us, and we just disappear from each other's life, terrifies us both.
Her departing flight will be in next month, should I go send her at the airport to give myself the sense of 'finality'? Or should I not go and just calm myself tf down? I'm lost.
I do not wish this experience on anyone. Not even on my worst enemies.
5 years of memories, ups and downs, is so hard to let go. But we have to do it or both of us would be stuck in waiting for each other indefinitely and never move forward.
Next month will also be my birthday so, yeah, 32 and single... again. Weird chapter of life to be in but I'll face it.
My whole life after I started working was with her, my planned future was with her... I don't know what to do from now. I'm tired.
Enough of typing. I'll take a nap then wake up and go gym.

I have been feeling very out of it for the last 3 years horrible wide variety of symptoms ever since having minimal surgery when I was 21m I’m starting to believe I have early onset dementia. Ever since waking up from surgery 3 years ago I just have not felt like myself I feel locked in the back of my mind I no longer feel connected to my surroundings or feel much excitement my body always feels weird like I’m stuck in my head I can’t feel my eyes or really focus them. My forehead feels tight, and my Neck always feels stiff and my muscle cramp up badly when working out a lot of the times in the same areas repeatedly I’m so out of it I drive in one lane of traffic the whole way to work because I feel so tired and have trouble looking straight with out my neck feeling stiff all the time. I’ve been to so many doctors had so many MRI,Blood test,CT, EEG, EMG. Been to 3 Neurologist and they have only found Hashimoto but normal thyroid levels so I feel like it doesn’t dismiss all my symptoms my mind just feel so so far gone I’ve heard of Derealization/Depersonalization but this seems to just be another beast I’ve kinda accepted death at this point. Since I don’t really know how I’m still alive I just been on autopilot the 3 years cause you know gotta keep going and what not. I’m wondering if I am insane or if I genuinely have some serve illness that’s hard to diagnosis. I know I’m very young but I’ve heard about people my age having early onset dementia so I just don’t think I’d be surprised if some how the doctor told me I had it. My symptoms and detachment from reality seems strong enough. I’ve been therpaist and pyschtriast to didn’t really help much. I’m unsure about what I should do I just been really pushing though it. I’m trying to get my family to a point where they can survive in the event that I am dying. None of them really know the extent of my symptoms and I have no intention of telling them even if I found out I am dying of horrible illness I’m just killing myself somewhere were they won’t find me since its better than leaving them with a ton of medical debt and being restraint to a bed or wheel chair I rather die than be a finical burden. I have my beneficiary in place. If it comes down to it. Honestly idk I’m just looking for any advice or reassurance since the doctors and “professionals” haven’t helped me with shit. Deep down I’m afraid I’m some level accepting but afraid the stress has been unimaginable.

This High School AU I'm making which continues on from Total Dramarama will change the cast of Total Drama in what I intent to be a subtle (if looking at the face) but noticeable way. I need ideas for character changes that will fit the description. Here's what I've thought of:
Ezekiel: This version actually thinks that God is evil due to his father being abusive in this AU - not that he doesn't worship God, he just does it out of fear instead of love. Also, he and Priya will become a couple.
Trent: Unlike his canon counterpart, he likes mimes (the one at the carnival helped get him to the exit) and hates the number 9 (his grandfather died on that birthday of his) instead of the other way round.
Duncan: Due to changes inherited from Dramarama itself, he is actually friends with Cody. We'll extend this to him respecting nerds in general, though he tries to pass this off as fear.
What are your ideas for changes on a similar magnitude to these?

I posted this on CFB and would like to see y'alls thoughts on this
I’m a Kentucky fan. Our success under Mark Stoops in making us an adequate SEC program has led us to enter the competition of who will finish behind Georgia in the SEC East. In this group are three teams Florida, South Carolina, and Missouri.
TLDR; is a completely self-indulgent piece about UK football and how their current success has brought the question of who the rivals are now. Florida is probably not due to historical success, it’s up to them to decide. Mizzou is our coworker, not a rival. South Carolina can eat a bag of dicks.
Also Fuck Tennessee
I think I should start by defining a rivalry. The two programs need to be close enough in short-term and long-term success to draw comparisons. Games between the schools need to occur regularly and there needs to be mutual hate.
Florida for years would beat the living shit out of us. Your players had career games, and draft highlight tapes. Every fan in the Bluegrass state loathed playing you all and we never thought we would see the day the mighty Florida Gators would whimper. The best moment of the series for us was when we knocked out Tim Tebow. It’s not because we like to see players injured, but because it felt cathartic to draw blood on our god-king overlords finally. Even in that game, we lost 41-7.
Now we have won three games straight, with us blowing y’all out last year. Even though we are 4-6 in the last 10 matchups, it is usually a competitive game with huge memorable plays. We check the boxes for playing regularly and it being competitive.
Is there hate?
Stoops hates Florida. He was a defensive coach at both Miami and FSU and has always brought a different intensity to the Florida game. When Stoops won his 100th game we celebrated by frying a Gator. Kentucky fans hate Florida, but do Florida fans even think about UK?
Florida has pissed off every fan base at some point. From the stupid “two bits” chant, corny ass chomp, and them chanting “it’s great to be a Florida Gator” after every TD. There’s nothing that pours salt in the wound quite like hearing that shit in your home stadium after Jeff Badet drops a wide-open game winning TD in the to lose the game.
Florida is hated by FSU, Miami, LSU, Tennessee(fuck you btw), Alabama, and Georgia. Historically they’re a three time national champion. I feel like they view us as a momentary speed bump until they reach CFB glory again. Unfortunately for them, that’s not true. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe Florida fans hate us and view us as little brother rivals. Florida fans let me know what you think.
Missouri? I put Missouri on the list because they fit the criteria. Historically they are a better program than UK, but since joining the SEC has been on par with UK. UK has a winning record against Missouri 9-5 and there have been no true blowouts. There have been some big plays late and controversial calls. Your players don’t like us. We fans hate having to travel to Mizzou to play, not because of the atmosphere (which is great btw) it’s just Missouri. I think the best way I can summarize my feelings is through an analogy.
I play NCAA 14 dynasties to completion. I go for either 60 years or until the game starts crashing. The problem is after you win 5 national championships in a row you can get anybody you want and the game isn’t a game anymore, it’s a job of being dominant. You’re faced with a choice either leave to a new school or edit your opponents to be a challenge. Each has these perks and shortcomings. Editing is very tedious but, you only have one dream school. The tedious part with editing is you can’t just make a bunch of guys 99 and call it a day. I’m sure a couple of teams don’t need the spit shine, but you can’t play 12 of the same boring team and you need to challenge yourself. What you have to do is edit their playbooks and schemes so they play in different and fun ways but more importantly you have to find out how to stop them. You can make a mimic team (they are you but a different color, crazy, right?), or triple option no-huddle, or my favorite the anti-thesis team, or whatever you can think of. The issue is some of these teams will make you eat shit on a platter. This forces you to either to De-edit the team - like a bitch - or get good. Getting good though requires discipline, repetition, and practice. My solution was to make less talented versions of these all 99 squads to play before I hand the big showdown. Kind of like a level boss before the BBEG.
My BBEG was an antithesis team and was Kentucky's most hated Rival Louisville. I had lost to them in a couple of blowouts so, to better myself I edited Temple. I picked them because they played at the Philadelphia Eagles Stadium, and the Eagles are my favorite team. I'm quite fond of Philidelphia due to Ben Franklin and Philly Cheesesteaks. I have nothing against the real-life University of Temple, but I ended up hating the Temple game more than Louisville's game. Louisville there was a challenge I had to play perfect to win, every play had stakes. One bad read and I cost my team a national title to our arch-rival. Temple, I knew I was going to win, but it was going to be a miserable slog. Temple would not allow ANY big plays and would only allow 3-4 yards at a time if you fell behind the sticks you had to punt. Every time a run went for negative yards or a sack it was like you were Sisphyus watching your boulder roll back down the hill at the end of the day. Fortunately, their offense was dog shit and it would be a quick 3&out. I would feel no gratification from winning, only relief that it was over. I never felt animosity or hatred towards them it just felt like they were just doing their job. I would root for them against other teams. Hoping the other teams would feel the same virtual torment I endured.
Missouri is Temple. I don’t care about them. I have complete apathy towards them. I don’t expect to win against them, I expect to endure 60 minutes of football. I never expect fun to creep into the occasion. If something fun happens, I expect it to happen by accident. I don't expect anyone to see the one cool play either, you will go to the restroom, return to your seat and see a replay of it, you'll ask your friend about that play. He will say "Oh... it wasn't that exciting." A Kentucky-Missouri football game is not a football game; it is a test of one’s fandom and loyalty to the game of football. It is an endurance of football on par with an Iowa football game, there is no joy, no happiness, no pleasure just two-yard runs and punts.
I don’t consider you a rival, I consider you a coworker that Greg Sankey makes us mud wrestle in a pool at our company Christmas party for our holiday bonus. I know it’s not your fault and it’s an experience we both must suffer through to get our wife’s boyfriends a collectors edition Optimus Prime.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this Missouri fans.
Hey South Carolina, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! I hate your venereal disease ass state, I hate your Michael Scott ass coach, and I hate Darude Sandstorm. Who the fuck listen to that and thought “People need to hear this”
I’m sorry let me backtrack.
South Carolina historically is equal to Kentucky, only recently did Steve Spurrier make them an adequate SEC program. South Carolina does lead the series 20-14. The series has been marred by memorable moments and has been defined by streaks. Flames have been stoked when Beamer first joined USC, Stoops said “You can’t just put on some sunglasses and start winning games” in response to a corny ass tik tok Beamer made. Beamer is taking that personally as he brought a different level of energy to the games. There’s been more shots and there’s more history between the two coaches than just that but to keep it short and sweet they hate each other. The teams don’t like each other. I hate them. Their fans seem to not like us either. What are we gonna call this rivalry? I'm partial to the cock fight and the winner gets a golden pair of sunglasses. Let me know what you think South Carolina fans.
Ps go fuck your sister Tennessee

Guys , I am currently dealing with a very very toxic experience I had in a workplace and I really feel stuck.
For Background. I have anxiety disorder and clinical depression. I had 2 very aggressive episodes in 2015 &2020. I am b.tech graduate , and while studying b.tech 3 Rd year I developed IBS due to mental stress. I had to continue my course with all this issues and I completed b.tech in 2020. Soon after completing , I had a very very aggressive depression & anxiety episode that took almost 2 years away from me. I took therapy meds etc during this period. It was dark and I had cried every single day in that period.
I did a correspondence degree in Library science during that period and a digital marketing course. Wanted to do MBA but my family did not support. Even before recovering completely I had to look for jobs , due to the constant taunts and mocking from toxic relatives and friends , In 2023 , I somehow landed a wfh job as a digital marketing executive after completing an intern. Somehow I was able to earn something fr me , moreover I could answer people who were repeatedly questioning me left right and center. In order to look for a stable job I prepared for UGC net in library science and cleared it in second attempt. ,
in 2023 October , I got an opportunity to join one of the famous colleges in Chennai to join as a Librarian ( Self supporting only) , I thought life is going in the right path. I discontinued my job to join in this college . Shit began from day 1. There were existing politics between the 2 librarian s who were already working there. From day 1 I was treated like a garbage. I worked there for 6 months. I was not even alloted a place to sit or keep my bags , when I asked that incharge librarian told me , unaku kudutha avalum kepa ( the other librarian ) , nee poitu vandhutu iru , Then they did not allot even a system for me. In this day and age what can anyone work on without even a system , when asked about it she told it's not their policy to allot place or system for librarian. They did not tell me about the nature of the post. I was recruited under consolidated staff , but I was not informed about it , consolidated staffs won't even have an I'd card it seems , they said they won't give any experience certificate , No objection certificate or anything unless and until I completed 2 years there. All these were told after I joined there. I was not even let inside the librarian's room. There was a separate librarian room wjth 3 table chair setup , all three were occupied by one woman who never let anyone inside. I was made to sit and issue books for sometime , when she saw that staffs are interacting with me , she sent me to the top floor to paste stickers for books , which was clearly not a librarian 's job and there were other people available to do it. On one month I took 2 week leave due to respiratory problem , she I fluenced the finance person to hold back my salary for that month saying that I might not return , I had to constantly asking and got that salary after 4 months. She has the software access of each and every person , she had the username and password , no one can change it. By having this , she often blamed random people for not collecting proper fine , not returning books properly and made them them pay the fine amount , but she never showed proof of it to anybody. Most people there were in their 50s , one day I asked why there is no dustbin in the restroom and she replied that they do not need it so it's not there, I do not want to go indepth in this , but if you understand you understand.
I was not let to participate in anything , any events , conference , etc happening in the college , I was not allowed to interact with anyone. There were several programmes conducted on behalf of library and she did not even inform about anything , she will come , she arranged the programme with attenders , a t like she is the only librarian in the college and never let the other two people even come out of library. We couldn't do anything because she was close to the management. No one else except her from the library could meet the institution head. She monolpoized the access to each and every resource in the library and others could do nothing. Seeing all this , I was enraged and I wanted to give a compliant to the institution head , but my father stopped me saying this is my first job in this field and not to create a problem here. I tried talking directly with her , but she told , this is how it will be and it's an indecent field and that I should go and study something else to be respected. And you know what , all these happened because there was 1 Govt aided librarian post lying vacant in that college. She is in self supporting post , wanted to show only she is there and only she is the star of the library and as if she is a great leader. Finally she won. Out of extreme pressure , manipulation , lie and indecent to the core behaviour I left the job in 6 months. I HV joined in my previous company for a lesser pay . I did not even tell anything to the management , I quit as such .
I seriously cannot understand how one horrible person can bring everything in my life back to square one. I am afraid to apply for any self supporting librarian posts hereafter. After completing a b.tech degree , p.g degree and cracking a national level exam , if this is the situation , I do not know what I am even going to do. I have so many restrictions in terms of diet , etc , it's not feasible for me to stay away , relu on mess food , hotel food etc , I thought this field would be suitable for me , proper timing , not much of a stress in terms of work. but I think I HV lost it.Now I do not even have a proof that I worked there for 6 months. I just feel sad. It's not the first time , my life is being ruined by such horrible people and am really worried on seeing so many people simply using lie and insult as their sole weapon to kill others lives. It took so many years to bring myself out of very horrible things I faced , I pulled through and gave my everything for this , but alas everything went in vain.
I do not know how to navigate , how to move on from this ? . I am currently in my previous company it is flexible and has a good environment but growth is limited here. Finding a workplace that is suitable is becoming very difficult. I am not even able to take a gap because again , so many people will push me into much horrible depression saying that I am useless and I will be a maid and what not.

I have been feeling very out of it for the last 3 years horrible wide variety of symptoms ever since having minimal surgery when I was 21m I’m starting to believe I have early onset dementia. Ever since waking up from surgery 3 years ago I just have not felt like myself I feel locked in the back of my mind I no longer feel connected to my surroundings or feel much excitement my body always feels weird like I’m stuck in my head I can’t feel my eyes or really focus them. My forehead feels tight, and my Neck always feels stiff and my muscle cramp up badly when working out a lot of the times in the same areas repeatedly I’m so out of it I drive in one lane of traffic the whole way to work because I feel so tired and have trouble looking straight with out my neck feeling stiff all the time. I’ve been to so many doctors had so many MRI,Blood test,CT, EEG, EMG. Been to 3 Neurologist and they have only found Hashimoto but normal thyroid levels so I feel like it doesn’t dismiss all my symptoms my mind just feel so so far gone I’ve heard of Derealization/Depersonalization but this seems to just be another beast I’ve kinda accepted death at this point. Since I don’t really know how I’m still alive I just been on autopilot the 3 years cause you know gotta keep going and what not. I’m wondering if I am insane or if I genuinely have some serve illness that’s hard to diagnosis. I know I’m very young but I’ve heard about people my age having early onset dementia so I just don’t think I’d be surprised if some how the doctor told me I had it. My symptoms and detachment from reality seems strong enough. I’ve been therpaist and pyschtriast to didn’t really help much. I’m unsure about what I should do I just been really pushing though it. I’m trying to get my family to a point where they can survive in the event that I am dying. None of them really know the extent of my symptoms and I have no intention of telling them even if I found out I am dying of horrible illness I’m just killing myself somewhere were they won’t find me since its better than leaving them with a ton of medical debt and being restraint to a bed or wheel chair I rather die than be a finical burden. I have my beneficiary in place. If it comes down to it. Honestly idk I’m just looking for any advice or reassurance since the doctors and “professionals” haven’t helped me with shit. Deep down I’m afraid I’m some level accepting but afraid the stress has been unimaginable.

It is currently 3:13 Am right now. Every night I sleep for 2 hours, then I’m fucking wide awake. LIKE I CAN RUN A MARATHON RIGHT NOW. And I do not sleep till after like 3 or 4 hours pass. It’s starting to annoy me like bad. Right now I’m eating cereal rn, hopefully after this I’ll fall asleep, but it’s crazy to me how my body runs on 5 hours of sleep a day and still has the energy of me chugging 3 cups of coffee. I read, I scroll, I play white noise vids, I turn on my fan, I twist and turn and no hope for me.
Anyways it’s just a rant, I don’t wanna take medication for sleep or anything this is just annoying.