I am not crying but I do want to cry for days now but I can‘t? It‘s like feeling numb
Even though I have supportive friends and a family they sometimes don‘t know how to handle it
My best friend doesn‘t know what to answer me when I come to her about such things
My mum doesn‘t know how to respond either other than just listening and hugging me
I don‘t and haven‘t had therapy for a while bcs I just got out of a mental hospital(went there everyday and then back home) and am searching for a therapist right now.
(For ages: I‘m 17 and the people referred in the story are 15)
Now: I have had relationships, they ended all good somewhat, I‘m still friends with close to all of my exes(except one) or I have had a talk with them about our relationship and now we send texts to each other here and then
So, when I was at the mental hospital I met two girls. At first I thought one of them was really cute then the other confessed she liked me. I got really confused and gave a lot of thought to things and chose to go on a date with the one who was interested in me. (I wanted to go on a date with both but i never got to ask the other girl bcs she always was picke by her grandma and I didn’t find the right time to ask her) I mean, a date wont be bad to figure out I‘d like either of them??? (To be clear: I thought that both of them are cute. Nothing really more) the way that the girl who thought she had feelings for me gave me attention and love made me like her. For the other one, she knew from the start I thought both were cute. I constantly felt like an ass kind of leading them on, I wont excuse myself for that. At the date I had(I‘ll refer to the girl who liked me a lot as Amy(not real name)) with amy, she shortly, before the date happened m, asked if 2 other friends could tag along. I made another mistake by saying alright(I thought she was scared and needed backup or sum) the first girl(gonna call her coral) did not show much interest. She said she thought I was cute too and always tagged along anywhere we went. This is the first time I had something with a girl. I did know I was bi/omni before that but it was real knowing I don‘t only simp for attractive woman online, but also wanting something in real life. Since coral didn‘t show much interest and there was a spark between me and amy I asked amy to be my gf. After some weeks I broke it off with her because I noticed things about her that I couldn‘t like. I thought about that every day, why I didn‘t like these things even though I liked her and we had a healthy relationship(communication, honesty, meet ups and all that). Coral also was in the back of my mind so I told amy all this and why I thought it was better that way. She was pissed at coral, understandable, but I wanted her to know it wasn‘t coral‘s fault but mine at leading her on. I was playing with her and I really hate that I did that. After 3 weeks of our breakup I did write amy once or twice, as friends tho, also leaving her be and letting her heal. Again I know that what I did was wrong and I‘m a dick here
After that I asked coral how her pov about all that was. She said she thought I was cute, I did chose amy over her and we are friends, but it didn‘t bother her. I asked if she still had interest in me and she said yes. So I apologized for doing what I did and asked if she wanted to go on a date, she said yes and I think it was fun.(before I asked her, some weeks went by and since we saw eachother every day I did feel like I started having a crush on her. I told her that face to face and she was happy and said she was really happy about that. It was also my last week at the mental hospital, so yeah) We went to her place bcs I wanted to drop her off and she lived like 15 minutes away(I live like an hour away). I was invited and had a fun talk with her fam and her until I needed to go home. I wrote her that I had fun and hoped she did too, she said she enjoyed it. A week later or si I went to visit the mental hospital to greet her and some friends who stayed like 2 weeks longer. I like to write silly letters with feelings bcs it‘s one of my love languages. I wrote her one and gave it to her, on it was a questiom saying if I could take her on another date. I put boxes and she didn‘t answer them. I asked her if she and everything was alright, then she told me she might like someone else too. Just needed to figure out if it‘s platonic or not. She also said she liked the attention I give her and that she never really know‘s if she likes the people or not; and that she struggled with selflove and needed time to get herself fixed before a relationship. I accepted that and told her she can have enough time as she needs and that I‘ll be waiting and that she doesn‘t need to stress abt me waiting. We‘ll have some sort of break. Only thing I‘d want is to still be able to meet her so her decision about me was easier.(it‘s similar to mine from before, I didn‘t have enough time to get to know either of them) Ok reading the last sentence makes me sound like I wanted enough time with both until I chose the better one, which isn‘t true. I only wanted to figure out if I liked either if them that way. And they knew. She did agree and we stayed in kind of low contact I did ask if I stepped over any comfort zone She said no I didn‘t want to push the answer So, yeah. Weeks after, when I felt I was allowed to ask without stepping over the line, I asked if she knows already and if she does like me back. If she likes me or that other friend of hers. I said: „Hey, if you want we can be open friends(not wanting to stress her to answer again) as in if we figure things out we tell eachother and see where it takes us? Cuz I still I like you. Like a lot. More than before bcs I keep thinking about you but I don‘t want to stress you or bother you :)“ Her: „yeah we can be friends but just so you know I have feelings for someone else.“
Hit me like a brick. Bcs all those weeks I did know there might be someone else but it didn‘t feel like she would lead me on. Should have seen it coming lol
I took that and stayed friends. I did stop writing her as much as I did before, but we did play video games here and then, today we did and I noticed her bio on her discord saying „I lov my gf“ My heart sank to my feet and I excused myself from our call. Her telling me she needed to fix herself with self love felt like a lie? Like that was fast- was I pushing???
I get that this is karma and I always knew this was a possibility but I guess I should have just not have contact with her at all after she told me she didn‘t like me like that My bad
Sorry again I just needed to tell someone before I start self blame and pity again Though, was it entirely my bad? Did I push her? Was it because I made that huge mistake and chose amy even though I didn‘t know amy as much as I thought?? Was it ok for her to make me feel we‘ll have smt or if I was to oblivious to anything she might have made or said?
I don‘t pity myself, I‘m just overthinking and dn‘t want to keep botteling this up inside me
Thanks if you have read this far! (I‘m genderfluid, mostly girl btw) (Reminder to drink water🏃)

My parents divorced when I was 8.
Prior to that we had lots of family around. Always together. Always laughing. Lots of love.
Then my dad had an affair and married his mistress. This man took us to meet her while still married to my mother. He played it off real slick acting like he bumped into his lady friend at the mall. I remember wanting nothing to do with her. I remember feeling it was wrong. I was just a kid and i knew this.
Mom eventually uncovers their affair and kicks him out.
Does he get his own place and take some time to adjust and help us his children adjust? No. He just up and joins a whole ass other family. His mistress had kids from a previous marriage, though luckily they never ended up having kids together. They move in together before the divorce papers are even filed. They marry not even 6 months after the divorce is final.
Everything changes after this. A whole entire side of the family we had moves out of state. Another close family member living with us and mom to help out passes away suddenly.
Mom has to work 2 jobs to keep us afloat. Lots of time spent with babysitters.
Dad takes us on his obligatory weekends but is zoned out to the tv mostly. His new wife finds the need to establish pecking order. We don’t get a room in their house, we sleep in sleeping bags in the den. When we depart from the weekend visit there’s no sign we were ever there. This goes on until we are teens and explain we rather be sleeping over friends houses. Dad doesn’t seem to mind either way.
As an adult…this man is like a ghost. He answers if I call, he opens the door and lets me in if I choose to visit. But there’s no initiation from his side.
His wife makes sure he spends lots of time with her adult children and their families. It’s tough to see. Not that I think he is initiating any of this by his own accord. He’d be absent to her kids too if she didn’t force him to be present. She coordinates it all. Stages all the family photos and cute trips out to the farms and parks. Sometimes we get invited. Most often we don’t.
As an adult rationally I know this. But that inner child yearns for her father. For the family I never had. Hurts seeing the ‘family’ he is part of by default. Pretending to be the family man he isn’t.
I tried telling him. Letters. Conversations. Some excuses and some denial but all status quo. Nothing changed.
I wonder if I’ll ever truly get over this….

I’m (EU on ESTA) going for a trip to the US starting this week and will be visiting friends and several cities. It’ll span for 28 days. In the third week I’m thinking on going to Montreal - cause of a last minute invitation - and then venture back to NYC after a few days, especially that the return flight to Europe will be from JFK.
I filled out a Canadian eTA application out of curiosity - since undecided between flight and a bus - and it came back approved.
Since my employer (a major US corporation) doesn’t issue no objection letters they recommended me to just print a report of my PTO being officially approved, which I did. I’m not taking with me neither a company laptop nor a company phone or a badge obviously.
I do own real estate, which is verifiable online and have no family in the US, so proving ties is not a problem.
Will CBP and CBSA be okay with this or am I asking for trouble?

Well for about the past 6- 8 weeks my life as I thought it was shifted into a focus and I don't think I'll ever be the same person again.
For about 2 years the strangest things have been happening. Just little odd things here and there. Younger guys all the sudden taking an unexplainable sexual interest in someone my age. And I've faced it, I am not looking my best right now, kind of odd, but a little flattering. People I just met trying to take photos with/of me? Being invited to neighbors gatherings. Then having one drink and becoming near wasted to the point of stumbling. (I chalked it up to not being a very big drinker.)
My husband past away about 4 years ago. And I'm extremely introverted. I was trying to put myself out there. I have agoraphobia and little by little I was starting to make tiny strides. I thought "Boy, the world has changed, these young guys are SO AGRESSIVE and TOUCHY." Life seems to have gotten super creepy in the new world I've just found myself entering.
Turns out, the world hadn't changed at all. It is the world bequeathed to me by what I thought was a loving devoted spouse. Turns out he had been posting old letters from rough times in our marriage. Posting a video of a sexual encounter that he begged me to make. Taking candid shots of me sleeping in a top where my breast fell out of my shirt. Telling people how he was living with an abusive woman and just kept coming back for more. Truly, the person he seems to describe is a nightmare.
I've almost been raped by one guy. I had a friend of the family tell me she hated me and wanted "to beat the shit out of me", lost friend after friend and still don't know quite why?
I don't recognize her. But if you take several things out of context over a period of 28 year and post them, people will believe anything.
So he started a campaign to make everyone hate me, and then leave me. Unfortunately, he never got to finish, because he died before he was done.
[This is my first post ever. So bare with me it's a hard and humiliating journey. Been living on on prayers I'll live through it, and taking Dramamine for the nauseousness.]

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1xp4IAjQ8BgW16WJM2ZuGa5LQDPoyJSSV2Yp3mE3aOLM/edit?usp=sharing
Each cell has a street address see above sample. then a return and then the city, state and Zip code is on a seperate line, which is great because I can hopefully use that to easily break the two lines apart.
I need to mail a bunch of letters using letterstream.com and they require the City state and zip to either be a separate column or 3 separate columns.
been trying to figure it out via google sheets videos but no luck so far. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RZYr8127fo
thanks for any help

I have this friend who i’ve known for quite a while. We go through phases where we don’t talk much, but my passive nature always welcomes friends back.
This friend will be having a birthday dinner at her house, a private omakase chef. She has asked us all to pay for our own dinner (175$ pp) which is pretty normal for omakase, and i enjoy omakase so I don’t mind paying. However, i am now choosing to not attend this party because of her lack of manners. In the trxt she sent inviting she states that she is only inviting close friends and family, but “some people are not eating bc they dont have the finances” - i found the comment rude and tacky, i already find hosting something at your house and making your guest pay for it is tacky but the finances comment shook me.
This isnt the first incident where i just feel like this friend is bad mannered. Her and her husband are very wealthy or appear to be. (They live in a 5 million dollar home, gated community, she drives a g wagon he drives a rolls royce, always has about 400k of jewelry on including her engagement ring, labels on labels, she loves flaunting their success - nothing rong with that) but she constantly does things that are selfish and lack self awareness it seems and now im reconsidering going to the party at all, because im not sure i want to continue the friendship. I dont feel entitled to he paying for me ever before anyone thinks that. (I have my own successful ful business and live fabulously im just much more lowkey and im aware some people cant even afford to eat right now)
To me its her lack of self awareness and weirdness. We had another incident a while ago where she made us go to a popular club her husband co owned (a group of about 9 girls - and made us order top shelf bottles. Her husband wasnt there but his friends were and drank most of the bottles) the next day she venmo requests us ($300 each girl to pay) normally my friends that own restaurants or bars they will comp things at times especially ially if THEY invite to host us and its not us just going randomly. This friend is mostly wealthy bc her husband, her other single gf’s dont have near as much financial stability. Theyre not spending 8,000$+ on handbags, and every birthday or event for her she literally makes people buy gifts or pay for expensive cakes and if they dont she talks badly about t their finances. In the past i’ve stepped in and i’ve done more of what she asks bc i can afford to and i valued our friendship but i think i’m reaching an ick point with this. For my birthday she got me samples, and for hers i bought her a pretty big gift. Its just the entitlement for me especially wanting people who have less than you to do so much.
To me at this point is just tacky and in such poor taste that i’m not sure i want to be friends with someone like that, But maybe i’m missing something and being an asshole. Am i the asshole?

Hey everyone! 👋🏼

The Coastal Vanguard is a community formed by a group of international school students that address environmental concerns affecting our beaches, including pollution, habitat degradation, and biodiversity loss.

Our 2nd Coastal Vanguard Beach Clean up :-
Date - 9th of June
Time - 9am - 11 am
Location - Changi Area A
Here’s our volunteer registration form that you will need to sign up through to secure your spot! :
https://forms.gle/b8ytg31KjDgXhwSK9
Make sure you register first then only will you be accepted into our WhatsApp group chat linked below where we will inform you of any updates closer to the date.💬
*VIA/CAS acknowledgment letters will be provided * when you volunteer in our activities. 😮‍💨
If you are looking for fun time volunteering, do consider joining us!
Group invite Link :- https://chat.whatsapp.com/JNT1rnEqtyp7FO13HLllgt

I believed in fairies as a kid. More than believed in them. I think something terrible happened to me, and I've just buried it until now.
Call me a typical emotion-bottling man, but I have never considered therapy. No matter what I went through, no matter how many times I thought to myself, verbatim, that I should talk to someone about this, I just never thought of it as an option. It simply wasn't on my roster. It was just one of those things that existed on a separate plane of existence than I was living in, never to cross paths or interact lest the universe collapse in on itself.
I have no problem with therapy, don't get me wrong. It isn't like I don't understand the overall appeal. I have plenty of friends who swear by it, swear it has helped them tremendously, including my wife. It just wasn't ever something I thought was in my cards.
"I just never really thought about it," I told Alice one evening, when she had brought the topic up once again after dinner.
There was a serene sense of peace wafting through the entire house that day, and I was feeling content. It was a Sunday, and swimming season, so we had dropped Emmie off that morning at the public pool for practice and gone straight to our favorite breakfast place. The rest of the day was filled with all the conversation that had built up over the week, all the topics we couldn't fully dig into with each other while babysitting our eight year old, and lounging, all crammed in between sporadic bursts of housework and paperwork we had to catch up on. It was the perfect day, in my humble opinion. It was a lovely moment of peace in the midst of a chaotic life, as is life with kids. And now the sounds of Mario Kart drifted in from the living room, Emmie's squeals cutting through the cheery music every now and then, causing Alice and I to share small smiles of acknowledgement.
Oh, to be a child again. Still a little drenched from a post-swimming shower, full of chili, eyes glowing with the reflection of a television screen.
"Well, maybe you should." My wife was scooping leftover chili into a Tupperware with a ladle. Her hair had been tied up like it was every day after dinner, as if she planned to run a marathon rather than do the cleaning up. She wasn't looking at me, dialed into the task at hand.
It's crazy how some parts of my memory could be so good, and others nonexistent.
I reached over from where I stood before the dishwasher, sliding my arm around her waist. She gave me a look, like, what?
"I just don't think it's for me, babe," I muttered, resting my mouth on her shoulder as if I was trying to skip her ears and speak right through her skin. "You know those things make me uncomfortable sometimes."
She let out a half groan, half sigh, setting down the container and the ladle and turning to face me, draping her arms over my shoulders.
"Everything makes you uncomfortable, John."
I smiled, letting my hands fall to her hips. I knew her frustrated act was just that, an act, at least for the most part.
"It's good for you," she continued pointedly, reaching up to tap her pointer finger against my forehead as I swayed her back and forth to a nonexistent tune. "Like medicine. And I know for a fact there are some things you need to work through."
I feigned offense. "You think I'm some kind of nut job?"
"Everyone needs therapy," she snarled, pulling out of my arms, but she didn't resist when I reached out and drew her back in. "Not just nut jobs."
And that was how most of those conversations went. Some got a little more heated, ending with a lightly slammed door (so as not to wake our daughter) and a whisper-shout of "this is why you need therapy!"
I feel I'm making it sound bad, but it wasn't. Even our more serious fights never quite felt like fights. They felt like playing. We were like two cats, biting and tackling and swishing our tails, but never baring our teeth to hiss. I never felt genuine, full-bodied anger towards her, and I knew she felt the same. It sounds sappy, but we were just very in love. I sometimes felt that we had never actually left the honeymoon phase.
I'm also making it sound like that conversation was incredibly common, and it wasn't. It came up maybe once every few months. I knew she was just looking out for me. She knew me better than anyone.
We had met through mutual friends, and we had initially bonded over our terrible childhoods. We both had moms who were out of the picture, and over emotional, over compensating dads, although this manifested in vastly different ways. Alice's mother left her father for a D-list rockstar type, following him on his state wide tour. She would sometimes send Alice letters or postcards from the road, although her dad wouldn't always let her keep them if they seemed to be stained with blood or seemed to have made contact with any strange white powders.
Her dad coped with anger. He never laid a hand on her, but his shouting and the sounds of glass bottles smashing against the walls kept her up almost every night. During the days he'd take her out, buy her things, go mini golfing and bowling and to the movies. Anything to seem more fun than her mother.
My mother passed away on my seventh birthday. She was driving home from work, which was at a law firm half an hour away from our house, when it began to rain. She was texting my dad her ETA when she ran a red light and a semi truck T-boned her, completely obliterating her car.
After that, everything changed. My seventh birthday could've been my twenty-first. At night it was the worst. I remember sitting with my dad as he cried, curled up in a sobbing ball on the filthy living room carpet, whimpering like a kicked puppy. He would scream and wail so loud the walls shook. He would say, over and over as if I wasn't hearing him, sometimes mumbling and sometimes shrieking, "She was cut in half. I'm sorry sir, she's gone. No, there's no chance she survived, she was completely cut in half."
The days were almost worse. During the day, when he could decrease the helpless wails into weeping at the very least, his attention turned to me. He tried to get something out of me, almost silently begging me to break down with him. Every other second it was, "How are you feeling, son? Do you understand what's happening? You poor thing, you must be devastated, your mommy is gone... Don't you want to cry?"
But I couldn't indulge, and I didn't want to. I had to wash the sheets, because he'd pissed them again, and I didn't want him to sleep in it and smell like pee when he took me to school the next day. I had to vacuum the carpet, so the next time he curled up on it and begged God to take him too, when he finally stood up, his cheek wouldn't be caked in crumbs and dust.
I don't know if I ever truly mourned. My mother's death was more like an absence, as if someone had taken a pair of scissors and carved a chunk out of my side, or snipped off a limb. I could still feel her, I could still talk to her, but all I got back was a deep ache and a crushing silence.
I hated how people reacted when I told them my mom was dead, and had been since I was a little boy. I hated the looks on their faces when they asked how she died, and when I told them. How their mouths fell open dumbly and their eyebrows twisted and contorted in sympathetic horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know," they said, as if there was vomit rising in their throats, and I wanted to say, "Well, you fucking asked, didn't you?"
Alice never reacted like that. In fact, she never really even asked me what happened. We were on our second date, nursing beers while leaning against the pool table a a dingy speakeasy, when she told me about her own mom. It was the first time in a long time I actually felt like the conversation was open, like I could respond and she would listen and care, but not too much. Not an uncomfortable amount. When I told her about my parents she didn't say anything, and her pretty face didn't contort. She leaned over the corner of the pool table and kissed me on the cheek, took my hand.
The day she found out she was pregnant, we promised each other to be better, to not let our child ever have to grieve alone or feel the very specific hopeless terror that only a parent can cause.
So maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe I should have gone to therapy the first time she brought it up, the first time she told me how it had helped her get through her own terrible memories. But if I'm being honest, I didn't think I had anything to get through. I had left it in the past, I had coped so far in my own somewhat crooked way, I didn't want to dig any of that back up. I didn't want to be put back in that place where I was expected to talk, to cry, to open up. It made my skin crawl just thinking about it.
"I was always the therapist," I would say to her with a crooked grin. "And I like it that way."
Then, the dreams started.
I could tell you I don't know what triggered them, I don't know why it was now. But that wouldn't be the truth. I know exactly why I started to remember.
At first, they were brief. Nightmares that I couldn't quite recall or explain, waking up disoriented and a little sick. The rest of my day would feel strange, like I was surrounded by a thick fog. Eventually, they started to wake me up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and screaming, scaring the shit out of my wife. Once I ran to the bathroom and threw up, barely making it to the toilet. That was when the word "therapy" came up again.
It feels like I've been in a coma for twenty years, and I'm just waking up now.
It's so strange how different the world looks to a child.
I believed in fairies as a kid. Laugh it up if you want. When I turned four, my aunt brought me this book - we've all had one, I think. It was one of those huge hardcover books filled with information about something mythical, with little patches of fabric to simulate a mermaid's scales or a dragon's claw.
Mine was about fairies, and it was so real to me. My mom would sit up with me later than she probably should have, reading to me, placing my hand on the textures to feel. I wanted to know everything about them, I became obsessed, and naturally, my parents played along. They bought me toys, books... every year I had a fae themed birthday cake, and any kid who dared to giggle behind their hands weren't invited to next year's celebration.
When I was old enough to use the internet, supervised of course, I began further research. My mom helped me navigate Wikipedia first, and they had plenty of information to sustain me for a while. My interest turned from wings and magical powers to different types of fae from every corner of the earth, mushroom rings and their alleged distaste for iron. While I still wasn't very good at reading, I would just look at the pictures until she got home from work.
When my mom died, the fairy memorabilia began to amp up. My aunt bought me new books, gave them to me wrapped and tied with ribbons with tear filled eyes, and my dad brought them up whenever he thought I needed comforting and felt strong enough to leave the house. "Wanna go look in the forest for fairies, son?"
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I began to worship the fairies. I was convinced they lived in the forest behind my house, just behind each tree I looked at, hiding from me. I would spend my weekends escaping into the woods with a bucket and a cheap pair of binoculars, positive that this time, this day, I would see one.
At night, when my dad finally passed out in his own puddle of tears and other bodily fluids, I would pray to them. I never believed in God, we weren't a particularly religious family, and besides, I had seen what good He had done for my dad thus far. But I believed in the fairies.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
They never answered.
Until they did.
It was a Friday. I remember now, I'm not sure how I could have forgotten. After school I had sprinted into the shade of the trees before my dad could stop me, gripping the hem of my shirt in my fist, the thin fabric bearing the weight of two handfuls of the shiniest silverware and most colorful buttons I could find in our dusty cabinets.
I had a plan that day. I was going to lure them to me.
My path began in a clearing where I thought a ring of mushrooms may have begun to grow... but even without that, it was just the perfect spot for fairies. I could picture them flitting between the trees, chirping to each other happily, picking wildflowers to weave into flower crowns.
I walked backwards all the way back to my bedroom window, dropping another item every few steps. When I got inside and looked out my window, I could see my trail of shiny things curve through the overgrown grass in our backyard and disappear into the trees.
I was so excited, I could hardly contain myself. Tonight, surely, they would come to me. They would show themselves, and they would help me. But after another few late hours of coddling my father, finally convincing him to drink some water and get in bed, I was exhausted. I completely forgot about my plan. When I got to my room I collapsed on my mattress, not even bothering to undress before I closed my eyes.
Then I heard it. The scratching.
I opened my eyes. The moonlight shining through my bedroom window casted strange shadows across my ceiling, shadows of the swaying grass and the creaking trees.
It was strangely silent, other than the sound. Usually there was lots of noise, or at the very least a few crickets, but not tonight. Tonight, I realized, I couldn't even hear the wind.
I sat up slowly, as if in a dream, and looked toward my window. I couldn't see anything out there, nothing glaringly obvious at least, that could be making that noise.
The scratching turned to a tap. Tap tap tap, like a fingernail against a glass. It had a playful air to it, like someone was saying, look over here!
I stood, rubbing my eyes, and stumbled over. The tapping stopped abruptly when I got to the window and peered outside, out to the dark yard, pitch black if not for the moon's glow. The grass didn't sway, the trees didn't creak. I frowned and unlatched the window, sliding it up above my head.
I was right, there was no wind. Not even a gust. Everything was still outside, like it was frozen. I actually started to believe it was frozen, that time had stopped completely somehow, before I saw it.
My trail of silverware and buttons. Sparkling softly in the moonlight.
Disappearing.
It began where the path met the trees, curving off where I couldn't follow it anymore. A fork disappeared right before my eyes, right on the edge. Just vanished, as if someone who was invisible had picked it up and stuffed it in a pocket very quickly.
Then another went, a spoon. Then a particularly large gold button. Whatever was taking them was doing what I had wanted, it was taking my bait, it was coming to me. And it was as if whatever had tapped at my window had wanted me to see this, wanted to show me.
But something felt very, very wrong.
This wasn't how I had pictured it. There was no twinkling, tiny winged thing at my window, winking at me before dashing back into the safety of the trees. There were no secrets being whispered in my ear, no fairy dust or promises of better things.
Something about this wasn't right. It felt like a mimicry, almost a mockery, of what I had imagined. Like something was trying to give me what I wanted, but was rusty at it.
I didn't want this anymore.
My stomach twisted and my hands shook as I pulled the window back down slowly, watching more glittery things disappear from the grass, growing closer and closer. As soon as it was closed I quickly locked it and pulled the blinds shut, turning my back to the window as if something would happen that I didn't want to see.
Nothing happened. The deafening silence continued for a few seconds as my ears strained to hear anything else happening outside. Then the wind picked up, and the sounds of crickets, muffled by my closed window, filled the night air.
I don't remember when I fell asleep that night, I just know I felt unnerved and jumpy for a while. I woke up the next morning feeling guilty. Had the fairies really come last night? Maybe they had come to talk to me, to bring me gifts, favors, and what had I done? I had closed my window on them. I felt ungrateful. Why had I even been scared? Because it was dark outside? What was I, a baby?
When I opened my window and peered outside, I gasped. The trail of silverware and buttons was completely gone, all the way up to the last one, which I had placed on my windowsill. In its place was a shoe. I didn't know what kind of shoe it was, but it looked sort of nice, fancy. I remember smiling out the window as I opened it, as if they were looking, and taking my gift.
How could I forget that night? How could I have forgotten what happened after? I feel crazy, either like I made it all up or like I've made up everything since then, like my life isn't truly my own.
I remember telling my dad. I remember saying, "Dad, the fairies came last night!" and the absent smile he gave me.
Until I showed him their gift. The shoe. Instantly his face went pale and he snatched it from my hands, staring at me as if I was something unholy.
"Where did you get this, Johnny?"
"The fairies, dad, I told you!"
He didn't respond. Just gave me another long, solemn look, before turning away from me, still holding the present I received close to his chest. I was upset, but I knew better than throwing a tantrum. That would be too much emotion anyways, too uncomfortable. Even back then, I didn't know how to handle those things.
I didn't show him their gifts after that. I didn't want to risk having them taken away. I tried not to be scared of the fairies, even though they always came at night, but I didn't go to my window when they came anymore. I read everywhere that fairies didn't particularly like to be seen, even though this one seemed to want to be. It always began with tapping, but otherwise complete silence that almost felt like it was swallowing me... and eventually the tapping would stop, the silence would pass, and I would fall asleep. In the morning there was always another gift for me, sitting on my window sill. A sparkly gold ring, the other matching shoe, a hat... I smiled when I took every one, wanting them to know I was grateful. And I would leave things for them too, little sweets or shiny things like coins or paperclips that I found on the ground at school.
Things seemed to get better with my dad for a while. He kept to himself more, he was quieter. At night he would cry softly in his room, rather than his uproarious wails that I used to have to quell so the neighbors wouldn't come knocking. During the day, he would talk to me, but more casually. He didn't ask me how I was feeling anymore, or tell me to let it out.
I hoped this was the fairies. I felt invincible, like I had a secret superpower that no one knew about. I was friends with fairies.
Then one night, everything changed.
It started with the tapping, as always. That night I was fast asleep, catching up on well earned rest since the nightly therapy sessions had ceased.
The tapping woke me. It was that loud. It was louder than usual... but it seemed like it stopped abruptly as soon as I raised my head to look.
That was different...
That night, I had left my blinds up and my window open by accident. Since that first night, even though I wasn't scared anymore, I had always closed them... but this time, I must have forgotten.
It was silent outside. It seemed darker than usual. I could almost make out something, a shape, way on the other side of the yard, but it was too dark and I was too far away to tell.
That feeling from that first night retuned. A twisting like a hand reaching into my stomach and mixing things around, a heavy feeling in my chest like someone had stolen all of the air from my room, even though the window was open. The silence seemed to crush me, bearing down on me from every angle, making my ribs hurt.
The feeling that something was very wrong.
I don't remember deciding to stand: looking back, I have no idea why I would do that in my state of fight or flight. I don't know if I consciously chose to. I don't remember walking over, but I remember getting there, my hands on the windowsill and my head poking out into the completely still night air.
There was something there. On the edge of the trees. Right where I had seen that first fork disappear into thin air. I squinted, leaning further into the darkness to try and make out what it was.
When I finally did, the outline taking shape as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to shake uncontrollably. I remember that I tried to scream, but no sound would come. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare.
Two legs stood in front of the trees, facing me. Two legs, a blood-soaked pair of slacks, no shoes on the purple, swollen feet. And a jagged, violent rip in the torso where the rest of my mother's body had been severed from its lower half.
It took me a while to realize that the legs weren't standing on their own. They began to move, jerking clumsily toward the window, like something I couldn't see was struggling to hold them up. I finally forced myself out of my trance and fell to my carpet, vomiting.
I don't remember much else about that night yet. My dad came running when I started crying, I'm sure, but he didn't see what I saw. My mom's legs were gone, or hidden. Because they weren't for him.
They were for me.
We moved after that. Before now if you had asked me why we moved so far away so suddenly, I probably would have mumbled something about the grief, and it being too hard to stay where my mother had died. But I remember why now.
It was because the next morning, when I checked my windowsill, there was a hand. My mother's hand. Purple and stiff, and missing her gold wedding ring. Reaching, fingers rested against the glass, like it was trying to get in.
Like it had been tapping.
I don't want to think about what else it might have brought, had we stayed.
That thing, whatever it was, wasn't my mother, and it wasn't a fairy. I had invited something else with all my praying, with all my naive and innocent beliefs, and with all my bottled up emotions. I had invited it, and I had let it in.
And then I had forgotten everything. Maybe I bottled that up, too.
Now I remember. Now I'm having nightmares, and waking up with that sick feeling in my gut, my eyes jumping to our closed bedroom window.
Because a week ago, my daughter woke me up very early in the morning my jumping on our bed. A week ago, she shook me awake, her eager smile stretching all the way across her face. A week ago, she told me, "Dad, the fairies came last night!"
She showed me a doll, a ballerina, with a pink tutu and beautiful long blonde hair.
And now, with all these terrible memories hitting me like cold water to the face, only one keeps me awake at night.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
It has granted two of my wishes, in its own twisted way. My father grew distant from me and my mother was brought back in pieces.
I'm happy now. But I don't have peace. I don't think I'll ever fully have peace, at least not with a child and a wife to try and provide for, and not with all of these memories.
So what has it come back for?

I genuinely had no idea the depth this season would have. I just finished my second rewatch, watching edits, and reading people's analyses and metas. Nic was right when she said this season was romance because, wow, I’m speechless at just how much there is to their story. It keeps you going back, thinking, and pondering. To the point that I'm not as mad as I was about them splitting up the season. We're really able to take in these four episodes, unpack each scene, each character, and each expression because everything has been so purposeful.
On my second rewatch, it struck me that it wasn't the kiss that awakened Colin's feelings. I wouldn't have thought so until someone mentioned on twitter it wasn't the kiss Colin has a flashback of before he goes to the ball. it was the scene Pen wraps his hand with a cloth. I rewatched the show after that to pay closer attention and wow did so many things stand out to me the second time around. Maybe it was the candle that sparked that memory, but even then, was her wrapping his wound so significant to him that it prompted him to go to the ball, interrupt her dance, cause a scandal, and then chase her carriage?
Colin's behavior towards her has been odd the entire season. First, Penelope not responding to his letters messed him up. It made him realize that although he's always cherished her as a friend, she had a much more profound impact on him, and he didn’t notice until she was no longer there. He tries to talk to her, but she walks away, giving him the cold shoulder. He is left shook.
He sees her at the ball in her stunning dress. He keeps staring at her, so aware of her, constantly tracking her. Then she leaves, running up the stairs and passing him. He leaves his friends behind to go after her, despite their advice not to concern himself with her. They have that moment where he tells her he misses her, but in a much different way than he would have spoken to her last season or the season before that. "If you're going to make it, say it. I miss you." Not "I missed you," but "I miss you."
This distinction is crucial. "I missed you" implies a past tense, a temporary void that has now been filled. "I miss you," however, conveys a present, ongoing longing. It shows that his feelings are current and that her absence affects him deeply and continuously. This moment is pivotal because it reveals a more vulnerable and sincere side of Colin, one that he hasn't shown to others this season.
Colin is showing a different side of himself to everyone this season, including his own family. He's trying to present a more composed and assertive version of himself to the world. Yet, Penelope is the only one with whom he truly feels comfortable enough to be his genuine self. She makes him feel safe, allowing him to drop the mask he wears for others. With her, he can be kind, sensitive, and unguarded.
This sense of security that Penelope provides is significant. It’s clear that Colin values her presence not just as a friend, but as someone who understands him on a deeper level. She brings out the best in him, the parts he might be afraid to show others for fear of appearing weak or overly sentimental. In Penelope’s presence, Colin feels seen and accepted, which is why his declaration of "I miss you" carries such weight. It’s not just that he misses her company; he misses the person he is when he’s with her.
Then he seeks her out and comes to her house, gives her the big speech, and tells her he wants to get into her good graces. They go out, and he tells her to practice on those gentlemen. When she stumbles over her words, he just smiles so fondly at her. At this point, I don’t think he’s aware of his feelings, but I do believe he's starting to realize just how much he likes her. He really, really likes her. And he missed her so much, and being around her again is literally lifting his spirits.
One of my favorite moments is when they are at the market. Colin brings up the story of when they first met, leaning in and saying, "teasing me. Mercilessly, in fact." When he follows with, "I think I know why," it stands out to me because you can just see how different he is when he's with her compared to anyone else this season. Even with his family, his light is dim, and there is a cloud hanging over him. But with Penelope, especially in this scene, it's like a man who finally saw the sun after being stuck in endless rain. At this moment, I don't think he knows he likes her romantically, but he likes her even more than he did before. He notices how she makes him feel. He loves their banter and how clever and witty she is.
Penelope freaks out when he says this because she thinks she knows, and she keeps on walking. They are momentarily covered from each other by the rugs, and then Colin pops out and continues his sentence. Everything about it is so playful and flirtatious, even if unconsciously at this point. He’s just having so much fun, and it’s very different from how he used to interact with her before. That moment when Penelope says, "I should get back," leaning in and adding, "before we are noticed," is significant.
Then we have the moment when Colin says, "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." By this point, he’s addicted to her. The interactions they had at the market, especially at the end, left a lasting impression on him. I see this as Colin testing his feelings, wondering, "Let me see if that was a fluke or if I actually like her." This moment is crucial because it reveals Colin's internal struggle and growing realization of his deeper feelings for Penelope. He’s no longer simply enjoying her company as a friend; he’s beginning to seek out her presence because it brings him genuine happiness and comfort.
This shift is evident in his behavior. Colin’s eagerness to see Penelope isn’t driven by a sense of duty or friendship; it’s a personal desire. His anticipation of her visit shows that her company has become something he craves. This is no longer about teaching her anything; he just wants to spend time with her, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Colin knows that teaching Penelope how to attract a husband doesn’t look right, as he mentions to Eloise. He is aware that his actions could be misinterpreted, and yet he persists. This indicates a level of emotional investment that goes beyond mere friendship or mentorship.
When Colin invites Penelope to the Bridgerton house and places a hand on her back, it’s a bold move that borders on scandalous. In the societal context of their time, such an action is highly intimate and could easily lead to gossip and speculation. Colin is well aware of this, which is why his decision to proceed regardless is significant. It shows that he’s starting to prioritize his personal feelings and desires over societal expectations and norms.
In Season 2, when he grabbed her hand and took her into a secluded room, he genuinely saw her as just a friend and didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But this scene is different. Colin is aware that his feelings towards her are changing, and he doesn’t care about the impropriety. He just wants to be alone with Penelope. This awareness marks a turning point in Colin’s emotional journey. He’s beginning to accept that his feelings for Penelope are evolving into something deeper and more romantic.
His actions, such as eagerly awaiting her visit and ensuring they have private moments together, reflect a subconscious desire to explore these feelings further. He wants to understand the depth of his emotions without the interference of others. This need for privacy and his willingness to bend societal rules for her indicate just how significant Penelope has become to him. He values their time together, not just as friends, but as potential romantic partners. Colin’s behavior suggests that he’s on the verge of a profound realization about his true feelings for Penelope, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.
Then we get to the moment that solidifies for me that he knows to some degree what he feels about her. When Penelope tells him his eyes are beautiful, he is visibly aghast, speechless. Jungshook. The compliment is so unexpected and disarming that he doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he picks up his lemonade and chugs it down like a man who hasn’t had a drink in days. This reaction is significant because it shows how much Penelope’s words affect him on a deeper level. It’s not just flattery; it’s a moment of genuine vulnerability for Colin, revealing that her opinion of him matters more than he realized.
Now, let’s delve into the moment where I believe he realizes he likes her. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and rewatched their moments with a different perspective if it weren’t for the flashback. The moment she wraps his hand is so intimate and romantic. She wraps his hand slowly, and he watches her intently as she does. There’s a tenderness in her actions that goes beyond mere care; it’s an unspoken connection. She continues holding his hand and slowly folds it, kind of caressing his fingers. This gesture is filled with unspoken emotions, and Colin feels it deeply.
She looks at him intensely, and he meets her gaze but looks down immediately, starting to fiddle with the end of the cloth like he’s nervous. This moment of eye contact is loaded with significance. Colin’s nervousness is a telltale sign that he’s starting to realize his feelings for her. He doesn’t pull away until she mentions his writing, and he gets overwhelmed. Despite all that, and even though he’s upset she read his journal, he asks, "Will I see you tonight?" This question is crucial. It shows that, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed, he craves her company. He just wants to spend time with her.
Even when he’s upset that she read his journal, his first thought is to secure more time with her. "Will I see you tonight?" is not just a casual question; it’s a plea for connection. Colin’s desire to spend more time with Penelope, even when he’s feeling vulnerable, underscores the depth of his feelings. He’s starting to recognize that his attachment to her is not just about friendship or companionship; it’s something much more profound. This realization sets the stage for the unfolding of his realizations and the emotional journey Colin is about to navigate.
Then the ball happens. Colin looks around the room for her and gives her a sexy smirk when he sees her. This smirk is significant because Colin typically reserves it for women he's flirting with, albeit usually in a fake and uncomfortable manner. However, this is the only time the smirk feels genuine and actually comes off as sexy instead of forced. The flirtatious "Good evening" from Penelope is everything, honestly. When she asks how his hand is, he replies, "All good, thanks to you." Sir, all she did was wrap it with a cloth; please be normal. At this point, he's fully aware he has a crush on her. He no longer views her as he did before. His entire demeanor is so much more different compared to their other lessons. There is an intensity to him when he's talking to her that wasn’t there before.
When Penelope talks with Lord Remington, it’s interesting that "Jealous" by Nick Jonas starts to play now and not after the kiss, when she converses with Lord Debling on many occasions where we know he's jealous. When Pen tells him she enjoyed her time with Lord Remington, he responds, "I'm certain he did as well," and he gets a bit awkward. Someone on Twitter mentioned that when Penelope was flirting and trying to engage with others, Colin wasn't jealous, but the moment she is herself and comfortable, his jealousy kicks in, as we saw in this scene. Someone said he's trying to gatekeep her lmao. He sees her smiling and enjoying herself—a part of herself she only shows him—and he can't handle it. Hence, why I believe they chose to play that song at this moment.
This moment is crucial because it highlights the shift in Colin’s feelings. His smirk, which is usually a façade, becomes real and filled with genuine affection when directed at Penelope. His awkwardness and jealousy when she talks to another man further emphasize that his feelings for her have deepened. Colin is no longer just a friend offering guidance; he’s a man who realizes he has a crush on her and is struggling to navigate these new emotions. The music choice underscores this emotional turmoil, perfectly capturing the internal conflict and realization he is experiencing.
And then everything else proceeds that leads to the kiss. I, like so many others, believed this is where he realizes his feelings for Pen. Someone on Twitter mentioned how his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quivered. When I first saw it, I wondered why this kiss would warrant such a strong reaction from Colin. At this point, it was just a kiss that Pen asked for in a moment where she thinks she is ruined and will never find a prospect. But upon rewatching, Colin's visceral reaction to the kiss, as evidenced by his furrowed eyebrows and quivering lips, suggests a deeper emotional resonance than he initially realizes.
Penelope tells him it would not have to mean anything, but for him but it did. He knows his feelings towards her have changed. If it had been just a kiss because she asked for it, it would have stopped after the first time. Just a fleeting moment of physical contact between friends. But they kiss a second time and it's from his pov this time. It's slow sweet and oh so romantic. It's a catalyst that triggers a flood of suppressed emotions and desires within him. In that brief instant, the walls he's constructed around his heart start to crumble, allowing his true feelings for Penelope to surface. it wasn’t a kiss that awakened his feelings; it was a kiss that confirmed it. And not just confirmed it, it made him realize it wasn't just a crush he developed this season but it brought all his dormant feelings to the surface from the past as well.
TLDR: I think he was aware that he liked her when she wrapped his hand specifically and the kiss made him realize that it wasn't just a crush—his feelings run much, much deeper than that.

Soulmage

I wanted to leave without a word, because there was a part of me that still thought I was right, and if I spat that venom at Cienne I'd only sicken him more. Then I wanted to write a letter, because I'd tried to make Cienne's choices for him one too many times, and taking my last words away from him stank too much of glass shards and festered bile.
So in the end, there was only one choice that gave back Cienne some of the control I'd wrested from him. There would be no vanishings in the night. No envelopes on pillows with salt-stained pleas.
I knocked on Cienne's door during a frigid, thin-aired noon.
"Lucet?" I heard a thunk twenty pounds heavier than I expected. He was taking to the treatments well. The treatments I'd tried to keep from him. "Everything okay?"
And fuck, things had gone so wrong between us that the first thing he asked was that. "Honestly? Not really. But if you don't want to talk, I'll leave."
I held a slip of paper between my fingers. If he didn't want to talk, I'd slip it into the Plane of Calm when I left. Hiding my last words in a place he'd only reach if he was unshakeable was the least I could do to ensure my absence wouldn't be sprung on him when he was already knocked down.
But the door opened before I could cast a spell, and Cienne was in his neatly-tidied room, his Redlander's robes pooling around his feet. Waves lapped at the warm sand of his soul, and he stepped back in an unspoken invitation.
The paper crinkled in my hands, and I shook my head. "If I step into that room I'm not going to be able to leave," I blurted out.
Cienne tilted his head, lips pursing, and I could see my soul reflected in his eyes, all back-alley bilgewater and broken bottles. The realization swelled inside him like a bubble of magma, boiling his idyllic beach into mist and quartz. "You're leaving the city," Cienne finally said.
I had an entire letter working up to that revelation, and he saw through me in an instant. "I wrote an explanation, if you don't want to hear it from me now, but—"
"If that would make it easier for you," Cienne began, then grimaced. "...no. No, I want to hear it from you. Why you'd rather die by inches rather than let Zhytln treat you, you stubborn—" He cut himself off.
"Go ahead," I said.
"Like hell I will. You came here to say something, and I want to hear you out."
I took in a deep breath, then looked down at the words in my palms. I could drop them and run, and Cienne wouldn't get in my way because only one of us tried to stop people from taking the medicine they needed, and that was the coward's way out and if there was one thing I would never again be it was a coward.
"Okay." I wish I could have met his eyes while I spoke, but truth be told I'd stammer and stutter and shy away if I had to improvise this, so I looked down at my letter and began to read.
Cienne, it simply began. If you're reading this, I'm already gone. I skipped that part, true though it was, and read aloud from the second sentence. "You're building a life here, and I can't be part of it. Because you're finally happy and healthy and safe and content, and there are things I need to do that won't let me ever be any of that."
Cienne's hands twitched, as if reflexively he wanted to reach out to me, to comfort me like he had so many times before. Before. Before we'd clashed. Before he knew what it meant to be a riftmaw.
"Part of me wanted to hide where I'm going for your own good," I continued, and I was glad now that I had an excuse to look anywhere but at Cienne. "But I don't get to decide that for you. So while you're living your life on the docks of Knwharfhelm, the same abomination of an institution that gave us cancer and killed Sansen is still murdering and brainwashing and claiming the moral high ground while they're at it. And I'm going to steal their medicine and wreck their war machine and show them what a pissed-off soulmage with nothing to lose can do. And this is where both of us belong. You enjoying your freedom and health. Me trying to win that for everyone who didn't escape. Because that's why I'm doing this. For the people like you who never found their peace. And for the one who did."
Lines of frost crept from my fingertips, ink twisting into brittle runes. I looked up at Cienne, as if he would convince me to change my mind, to take Zhytln's treatment and stay in the struggling, growing household he'd made.
Maybe there was once a Cienne who would have asked me to stay. But I'd killed that man on the docks of Knwharfhelm.
"...Will you talk to Meloai and Sansen before you go?" Cienne finally asked.
"I knew I'd only be able to do this once."
Cienne closed his eyes.
"Then go," he finally said. "And when you see Witch Aimes..."
His brows creased, eyelids twitching, and his soul shuddered and wrenched. He never finished his sentence.
"I'll know what to do," I said. I almost reached out to take his hand.
But his soul was placid and still once more. I'd disturbed him enough already.
So I drew a line in the air, peeling open a rift between our home and the streets of Knwharfhelm, and took my first step towards the Silent Peaks.
A.N.
Updates will happen when they happen. Thanks for sticking along.
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28 - The Fountain Build

Point Summary

Point Total: 1000 CP 1000 (Base)

Jump Details

Document name: 28 - The Fountain Version: 1.1 Author: SJ-Chan Source: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1J9PF3AIk-7AcY8Gd2R7CJXaqDZPdxgeO/view

Jump Duration

Years: 10 Months: 0 Days: 0

Perks

Noble Thought (Free)
A noble is a creature of excess, and excess has a way of blinding one to reality. Well, not you. No matter how much you have, you will never forget the value of things, the realities of the lives of people who aren’t you, and truth that the world does not, in fact, revolve around you. You will not forget to treat people with the respect due them, nor will you disregard their suffering simply because it doesn’t affect you.
Noble Deed (Free)
Things you do echo further, have greater impact, are remembered longer. History books never leave you out and, when you visit places you once tread, you will find relics and signs of your passage no matter how much time has passed. You will not be forgotten. But you might not be remembered fondly.
Inventor's Vision (Free)
When you look upon a problem or issue that you understand even a bit, you instantly get a sense for how you might solve that problem, upgrade that item, or improve that situation. The longer you study some situation or item, the greater the insight will be and the more far reaching the solution. You might look at the state of education in your society and within a week have a dozen workable plans for small ways to improve the situation, and within a year of study have a comprehensive and feasible plan for a complete overhaul of the system. While not guaranteed that all your ideas will be good ones, improvement becomes far more likely with time and effort. Unforeseen side effects might still crop up though.
Inventor's Intent (Free)
One of the worst things an inventor can experience is discovering that someone has used their invention in a way they would not approve of... or even worse, that their invention has some horrible side-effect. Now this is much less likely to happen to you. Processes, techniques, and tools invented by you are much harder to abuse in ways you would not approve of, and you’re much better at foreseeing potential problems ahead of time and figuring out ways to head them off or, at least, lessen the fallout that will result from them.
Improved POV (Free)
Somehow, wherever you go, you always seem to be in five closely related locations at the same time. Well, that’s not quite right. Let me try again. When you are anywhere, four versions of you that aren’t quite really there, but could be there if you weren’t there... are there. Does that make any sense? Probably not. But what it boils down to is that for every event you experience, you have not one but five points of view on the event. Maybe one of you was right in the middle of a bar-fight, while another you was in the corner watching, and a third was working a pick-up shift behind the bar, and a fourth was an EMT who responded to the event and the fifth was a bum on the sidewalk outside listening. Only the primary you is the one who was really in the moment, but you can freely remember what all the four... let’s call them shadows... would have seen and experienced from their own unique POVs. You can’t really choose what they were doing, as they are more like echoes of potential you’s, but their experiences will be close enough to what you’d have experienced to be easily internalized and all the details will be as true as anything you actually experienced.
Bystander (Free)
When you don’t want to be involved in the events unfolding around you, be that a war, a fight, or a natural disaster, you may remove yourself from the flow of events almost entirely. As long as no individual or entity involved wants to target you specifically, you may become an all but intangible, unperceivable, untargetable observer. Even area effect things like, say, atomic bomb blasts, will pass harmlessly through you, though you might want to get out of there before the radiation gets to you. All Together Now (Free)
You have grown tired of casting off the memories and emotions each Jump layers over your basic identity. You may now choose to absorb the personality of any self you gain or have ever been into a gestalten whole. While this may dilute your basic youness, it also makes it much harder for anyone but you to make sense of your memories or to use any specific traumatic experience against you. Although there is now more of you, your essential sense of self only grows stronger the more times you do this, as all these facets of yourself serve to reinforce your fundamental identity, and you realize that the more you appear to change, the more you explore the limits of who you are. In layman’s terms, each apparent change is more akin to uncovering further digits of pi. Pi itself never changes even as it grows more complex.
500 Years of Practice - Teaching [100/900 CP]
You have spent five centuries mastering (and beyond mastering) any singular skill or artform. Sure, you might be a bit obsessed with that subject, but that obsession will fade as the jump comes to an end. Your compulsive delving into the limits of this singular area of study has granted you insights that no other living being has ever reached, allowing you to casually compose masterpieces which can profoundly move those who witness them, or create stunning refinements undreamt of by mere masters. A painter could trace a perfect circle in black on a white background and viewers would stare for hours. A dancer could reduce the audience to tears simply by standing still. A sculptor could carve hard stone until it was all but impossible to tell the sculpture from a living being. A poet’s words could touch the hardest heart or sway public opinion like a gale-force wind.
Soothing Presence [200/700 CP]
You have achieved inner calm and can project it at others as long as you are not currently experiencing any strong emotion yourself. Merely being in someone’s presence is enough to calm them dramatically, but physical contact, oratory or song, or simply allowing them to see you can all boost the effect by orders of magnitude. This can sooth mental, emotional, or spiritual suffering, or simply induce a sense of lassitude over the target or targets. This can work on any number of people as long as you can reach them with your presence.
Absolution [300/400 CP]
If you can convince someone to willingly pour out their deepest fears, regrets, or sins to you, you can grant them true absolution, allowing them to forgive themselves and move on. This does absolutely nothing for you as it does not work if you make it conditional. Their repentance must be genuine for this to work and they cannot desire gaining absolution for any immoral or unethical purpose.

Items Stipend: [+200/600 CP]

Meditation Garden (Free)
The Body. The Mind. The Soul. A perfect trinity, working in harmony to reflect the Self. But when one of these is disrupted, balance can be at risk. Balance must be maintained. Upon purchase, your Warehouse gains a small Meditation Garden attachment, that while it cannot be used for storage, it will always fit whatever form you are wearing. Its aesthetics will always change to represent what you interpret as an environment of perfect serenity and 'oneness', and a significant time meditating in this space will help you reach an intrinsic understanding of the self and how your experiences can define you. The past cannot always be changed, but the present can forever be gleaned on... so that the future is always one of your design. You can, if you like, plant a few small plants in your Garden as well. Any plant inside the garden will always be in the full flush of life.
Biosphere [200/400 CP]
The body is but a vessel of the mind, with one changing as the other does, constantly learning from what it experiences and accomplishes. It is only natural then, that the experiences of those around the body will likewise help shape it. To gain the perspective and change you desire, your environment must reflect that. For this meager price, your Warehouse has gained the properties of a Biosphere; self-contained, but controlled. The walls and ceiling can be made 'open', to make it appear as though you were in the middle of an open field in the summer, or a cliffside as the night sky illuminated the plains. While you cannot store anything outside of the Warehouse boundaries, and you will always be aware of these boundaries... the weather and the environment around you shall be in your control, with even simulacrums of wildlife that may fly around. Perhaps by expressing your mind in here, you can begin to understand it. The higher price unlocks the Biosphere Supplement and grants you 800 BP to spend there instead of the default 600.
Tree of Life Sapling [400/0 CP]
You have managed to obtain a fully viable, albeit fairly young Tree of Life. It produces both bark and, once a decade, six fully viable fruits that will (if left on the tree) mature to seeds. Each takes a hundred years to become a sapling, and a thousand years to reach full maturity. The sap is incredibly deadly, so it’s a good thing the flesh of the tree is all but impenetrable to anything short of divine weapons. If you purchased the Meditation Garden, the Sapling will initially be planted there. If you did not, it will be planted in a small reflecting pool attached to your Warehouse. Those who eat the fruit of the tree of life can live forever in the prime of life and free of all disease, gaining the effects of the Perfect Health Perk above.
Note - Perfect Health [Free in the Future, 400 to Keep]: Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, you have gained perfect health, immunity to all diseases, the ability to heal from any non-lethal wound, and to live, essentially, forever.

28A - Biosphere Supplement Build

Point Summary

Point Total: 800 CP 800 (Base)

Jump Details

Document name: 28A - Biosphere Supplement Version: 1.7 Author: SJ-Chan Source: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XhaR5HSde1GKV_kbfp2u_YQEYFGqOg2a1GIBOgp8FfQ/edit

Items

Biosphere Basic and Freebies (Free)
Note: Main island is 64km diameter (3217 sqkm area - basically the same size as the county I live in) , 2 islands are 16km diameter, 3 islands are 4km diameter, etc. "World" zone is 25,736 sqkm area (181km diameter)
The Sphere is divided into an inner “Land Space” World and an outer “Air Space” Shell. If the World expands, it does not increase the thickness of the Shell and vis versa. The sphere is always a perfect sphere.
The initial World is 1 km from edge to edge and contains your base island. The Island is 1 km in diameter. It is mostly circular, with an area of 0.785 km2. It is 200-250 meters thick and all jagged on the bottom. The World is a sphere, though the half above “sea level” is likely to be largely full of air. It is exactly as tall as it is wide. Your warehouse is always at the exact center of the World’s horizontal axes, though it can be raised or lowered vertically if you have the means.
The initial Shell is also 1 km. This means it is ½ km give or take, from the edge of your initial island. If you fall off the edge of the island, you will fall to the bottom of the sphere and need to get someone to come and get you if you cannot fly. Building within ½ km of the outer edge of the Shell is prohibited.
Gravity is Earth normal.
Biosphere Day Cycler [Free] - Now you can run your Biosphere through a day night system.
Utilities [Free if you have them from the Warehouse or Housing] - Electricity, Intranet with wifi (will only connect to outside data net if you have that upgrade), Running Water (Fluoridated or not, your choice), Sewage System, AC & Heating to all buildings.
Basic Pollution Scrubber [Free] - This pulls all incidental contamination out of the atmosphere of your Sphere.
Rope Ladders [Free] - Extends off the bottom of all your islands so you can climb up.
Biosphere - The Huge Island [90/710 CP]
Your Island is now 64km in diameter / 3,217 km2 in area. The thickness increases to 1600-2000 meters. Your World expands to contain this respectably sized landmass.
Biosphere - Double Archipeligo [150/560 CP]
You really like land, don’t you? Okay, just for you. You now have 2 Secondary Islands, 3 Tertiary Islands, 4 Quaternary Islands, and so on. You may also have up to 200 smaller islands that may not exceed 4 m across. This doubles the size of your World one last time.
note: each island is 1/4th the diameter of the last. If your main island is 256 km across, your other islands will be 64 km, 16 km, 4 km, 1 km, 250 m, 62.5 m, 15.6 m.
Biosphere - Snowball in Hell [20/540 CP]
The thickness of your Shell is now 4 km in all directions.
Biosphere - The Ocean Not So Deep [50/490 CP]
Instead of just being surrounded by air, your Island is surrounded by water. This water is freshwater and drops down to the bottom of your island, but only has a seafloor for the first 100 meters in all directions. It does not have tides or waves and has no flora or fauna. This ocean extends out to within 1km of the walls of your sphere, including down. Requires at least Snowball in Hell.
Biosphere - The Seafloor [20/470 CP]
The ocean around your islands now has a seafloor that extends out as far as your ocean does. It gets progressively deeper the further from land it is, down to within 200 meters of the bottom of your thickest island. Requires The Ocean Not So Deep.
Biosphere - Ocean Life [20/450 CP]
Your ocean now teams with freshwater plants and fish, shellfish, and bivalves. Nothing poisonous or dangerous exists in this environment naturally, but you could import it if you like. There are no marine mammals, but you could bring those in too if you like. The native species are self replicating, even if fished to extinction. Requires The Seafloor.
Biosphere - Weatherworks [15/435 CP]
Want to do a spot of sailing or just like a breeze? This machine makes the wind blow. There are now heavy updrafts for you hang-gliders. There are now big white fluffy clouds floating around inside your Biosphere. You have complete control over weather if you have the Observation Deck.
Biosphere - Season Simulator [10/425 CP]
Like variation? Now you can set the seasons to cycle anywhere from once a day to once a century. Don’t like Winter? Skip it! Want to make up your own seasons? Cool! Requires Weatherworks & Day Cycler.
Biosphere - Climatology [10/415 CP]
Now you can designate latitudes inside your sphere where the climate varies, either arctic at the center and tropical at the edges or vis versa. Need not be that extreme. Requires Season Simulator.
Biosphere - Terrain Modification Engine [40/375 CP]
All the flat getting to you? This machine can raise hills or create valleys or rivers or any other terrain features you might want within your Biosphere. You could even make mountains that tower up to 30 km high if your Sphere is big enough. Terrain features rise or fall no more than 1 meter per 24 hours. High mountains will develope snow caps if you have the Weatherworks and Oceans.
Biosphere - Floral Universe Creation Kit [20/355 CP]
All the endless grass getting to you? This machine can create forests, jungles, savannahs… you name it. Plants grown with this machine grow 1 meter per day and each machine can create up to 5,000 cubic meters of living plant matter every day. This system can generate 10,000 different species of plant and adding a new one simply requires a genetic sample. Only natural plants can be generated. The machine can be removed from your Biosphere for up to 7 days before needing 28 to recharge.
Biosphere - Small Fauna Generator [25/330 CP]
Want some chipmunks, birds, butterflies, bees? Nothing this machine generates is overly dangerous or a pest species, and the system automatically keeps everything in check, even if you’re a dick to nature. Each Generator can produce and maintain up to 500 species of small (5kg or smaller) animal life, both terrestrial and aquatic. Each machine can create up to 5,000 kg of animal life per day. To add a species to this machine’s databank, you must have at least 50 different genetic samples of that species. Only natural animals can be generated.
Biosphere - Big Fauna Generator [50/280 CP]
Want some more… aggressive or majestic species? Or just some sheep or cows or piggies? This is for you. Each machine can generate and maintain up to 50 species of large (500kg or smaller) animal life, both terrestrial and aquatic. Animals made by this machine will not be hostile, but can be dangerous if provoked. Each machine can create up to 5,000 kg of animal life per day. You will need to acquire at least 50 different genetic samples from the same species for this machine to add it to its databank. Only natural animals can be generated.
Biosphere - Celestial Bodies [5/275 CP]
Suns, Moons, Stars, Rings, Comets, Meteor Showers, Other Planets? You name it, all of them can progress across your fake sky. They’re just images, but comforting ones. You have full control of them.
Biosphere - Transport Disks [20/255 CP]
These disk platforms are all over your Biosphere. Each one can carry a person at 10km/h to anywhere within the sphere and each can carry up to 750kg. THey can be programmed to follow you around and there is even a Transport Disk launch station at the very bottom of the sphere in case someone gets stuck down there. Biosphere - Industrial Disks [10/245 CP]
Removes the weight limits from Transport Disks.
Biosphere - Airport & Marina [20/225 CP]
Not only does this give you a place to store, maintenance, and launch all your watercraft and aircraft, it also allows you to generate a world rift that allows you to bring them into or out of whatever world you happen to be visiting.
Biosphere - Observation Deck [25/200 CP]
This structure is at the top of the Sphere and allows you to look down upon all your creation, like some kind of god. If you have controls, they can be accessed from here instead of from the warehouse. You can even move your bedroom up here. Only you and those you invite can enter.
Biosphere - Restricted Zones [25/175 CP]
You get to set areas of the Biosphere (like the warehouse) off limits to some people. Like keeping kids out of the arsenal… or your friend who’s on a diet out of the fridge.
Biosphere - Hydrogeology [20/155 CP]
Your islands now have a complete hydrogeological cycle, meaning that water, in the form of cold, freshwater springs, will form on all your islands, providing rivers and ponds as appropriate.
Biosphere - Farming Zone x6 [30/125 CP]
Farms for your Farming Needs. Covers 20 hectares initially, but can be purchased multiple times, doubling the farming area each time. The soil is always perfect for whatever crops you plant in it. (total 640 hectares: 1581 acres / 6.4 sqkm)
Biosphere - Freestanding Buildings [10/115 CP]
Each of the various add-ons to your Warehouse now are freestanding, forming a nice compound, or spread out across your entire domain.
Biosphere - Industrial Plant [100/15 CP]
Your Biosphere includes a complete factory system, including advanced Atmospheric and Hydrological Pollution Scrubbing. You'll have to find someone to do the actual production, or find robots. It is the size of Detroit and automatically up to whatever tech-level your science has reached.
Biosphere - X - Spaceport [15/0 CP]
I just made this up, it's not in the doc, but this seems reasonable. Requires Airport & Marina and sufficient space

I thought it might be useful to lay out some of the more credible sounding comments and discussion I've seen around "the end" of Giuseppe's career and his disappearance. Nothing here is "officially verified", but I think there's a fair bit of truth in a lot of the information here, and might help point anyone who's interested in the right direction to a better understanding of his story. I've included the ones that make more sense to me/ reflect my own knowledge of the situation.
Giuseppe was living around Canandaigua, NY towards the end, staying with Mary's parents in her childhood home for a period, after they both had left Austin for unknown reasons. I would imagine the reasons would have likely been mental health and/ or money related for both of them (he was approximately 36 years old, at this point). Mary was still shipping movies out for a while around this time - the last order I placed on the website myself was November of 2014 and ended up emailing back a couple weeks later, because she had never sent me any information about receiving the order / shipping it out, in contrast to all earlier orders I had placed. She replied pretty quick though, and told me she had shipped it out earlier - it arrived about a week after. The return address was her parent's place in upper state NY.
Giuseppe's output got increasingly erratic and bizarre over the next couple years, and I wasn't really sure if half the items he was selling there were even real... they would have completely nonsensical descriptions, often like a free association / shitty "beat poetry" kind of thing, usually in all caps, featuring lots of bizarre and offensive language (racial slurs, AIDS references, etc), and the products listed were often things like a "3 minute DVD" for 20 dollars, so I was pretty skeptical / really didn't have much interest. He'd announce a ridiculous amount of new material, I'm talking like 5 new movies and 5 albums every week... The last order I made was for a few of the Austin films and I really didn't enjoy them, and more or less lost interest in any future projects at this point. I would still check periodically just to see what he was posting to the site, just out of curiosity / because a lot of it was really out there. He used to have audio samples for his "albums", and he almost exclusively was posting CDs of him ranting (with a ton of very weird throat clearing and coughing, it almost seemed like a Tourettes thing). His site went down somewhere between March 23, 2017 and July 3, 2017 according to Internet Archive. I can't remember exactly when he stopped adding new items, but it was probably sometime in early 2017.
He was clearly living in and around Canandaigua for a while, for at least 2-3 years, maybe even longer...
February 2017 - a twitter account called "HELP GIUSEPPE" was created and made three posts:

@ thecampaignbook Shia, G.A just came into my local bar needing help. he was stressin bad. hes in canandaigua NY and just stormed out of here
@ AdamRifkin G.A just stormed into my local bar, made it half way through the set up of this account and stormed out. needing you it seems.
@ EdwardNorton Giuseppe Andrews just came into my local bar very alarmed/needing a friend and help.

July 5, 2020 - a YouTube video entitled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? A Short Investigation" is posted, some of the comments that were posted include:

(approx: 2021) I live in a small town called Carlin.. it’s literally 24 miles from Elko Nevada.. back in may of 2019 I was working at a small casino.. Giuseppe would often frequent the casino.. I worked the graveyard shift so it was mostly quiet.. he was polite and even remembered my name and would always ask me how I was.. I was able to get him to take a selfie with him and he even drew some artwork for me.. he told me that I could sell the artwork if I wanted to and fetch a decent price for it.. my husband and I were in the process of buying our first house and I told him no I would frame it and it would be proudly displayed.. he almost started tearing up..I’d happily upload the photo if YouTube would let me..
The same commenter also mentioned, responding to a comment about Detroit Rock City: yeah that was a good movie.. it’s really sad how his life played out.. he told me some sad tales of what he went through

> In early 2018 a man rang my doorbell in Canandaigua, NY. He was disheveled and seemed out of it***. He started yelling at me “I am Giuseppe Andrews, a Hollywood actor. I need you to call the police. “ I was startled and a little afraid but I told him to wait outside and I went in and called 911. He waited on my lawn and the police arrived in about 5 minutes. He spoke to the police in the car and then walked away. I don’t really live within walking distance of anywhere so not sure where he was going. I tried to obtain info from the police about what was going on but was not told anything. Has remained a mystery all these years later and I think people ( other than my neighbors who witnessed it) don’t believe me when I tell the story. Strange but 100% true.***
Some other interesting comments from various accounts, talking about the last stuff he was posting publicly:
> On his YouTube before he start d doing 13 albums in 2 weeks, his gf released a video a bunch of videos that was 4 or 5 hours long of him ranting on a couch with a guy. I think she was documenting it. I wish I would of downloaded it.
> And the next day it was all gone the footage, I have signed copys of DVDs and posters and shit he sent me in the mail.

(A reply from another commenter) - I remember he went on a long rant about various people in Hollywood and whatnot. Someone mentioned him having schizophrenia/paranoia, and while I'm in no way a psychologist or medical professional, it did seem like things were getting progressively more bizarre and unhinged. Given how creative and abstract he was when he initially started with his film making and music, I think it masked what was actually going on ( whether it was drug use, the onset of some sort of mental illness, or a mix of the two ). Earlier on he was still eccentric but seemed more lucid and driven with what he was doing.

> From what I've gathered (also a fan from DRC and Cabin Fever) his mother committed him to an institution and when released, he went to live with his mother. The twitter chick claims to be his fiancé now and he's no longer with Mary. But who knows.

It would turn out that Andrews also suffers from some very severe issues. Having chatted with his mother Giuseppegirl informed me that he has recently been placed in a mental health facility and has begun a 6 month stint in there where he has no access to the internet or anyone other than family members. He had a break up with his wife Mary Beth, who appears in a lot of his films, so it's possible that this is what put him over the edge. I've talked with Adam Rifkin who says he has some of Giuseppe's rarer films, but hasn't talked with the man for a few years now. That's as far as I have gotten in the rabbit hole.

A bigger YouTube channel made a video about Giuseppe's disappearance, titled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? Internet Mysteries", posted Nov. 11, 2021:
(this commenter is different from account who made the earlier comment about ringing the doorbell in NY):

This dude showed up at my parents house 3 years ago in the middle of the night, asking for help and saying he needed to be let in. Absolutely no way was that happening. Long story short we found out after the fact that he was a character in Detroit Rock City & American History X some of my favorite movies
The last video of him I saw was a crazed rant of him yelling about censorship of art. He was real angry and cursing in a vlog style video. I think some people were criticizing him for use of racist language in his films I’m not exactly sure but I saw snippets of his rant and then the video was taken down a month later along with everything else.

1 year ago:
> He currently lives in Elko Nevada after having a schizophrenic break he still lives with his loving mother part time and she takes care of him. I see him around town a lot and only recently found out that he is Giuseppe Andrews. I can answer most questions if you’re curious.
There was also an interesting thread about 4 years ago, on a different subreddit:
https://www.reddit.com/RedLetterMedia/comments/gal55x/giuseppe_andrews/
A few of the more interesting remarks:

After his California days he spent a few years around Austin making films that mostly just starred himself and his wife Mary. Some of these are really good but his minimalism and experimentation are pushed to the limits here. Some are absolute garbage. After this there was a short stint in upstate New York with this same kind of limited style. Shortly into this cycle things for weird then he disappeared. Right before he disappeared he was posting a lot of troublesome content and releasing TONS of music and films with nonsensical names like "fffff" which would be followed up with "fffffffff". I haven't seen any of this stuff.

> I remember the New York era where things kinda went off the deep end. He released a lot of content where he talked a lot. There was quite a few where he would mention that he was desperately trying to reach out to John Frusciante
Has anyone else stumbled across any comments out there, that support this general narrative / add additional context, or perhaps give reason to believe something a bit different? In particular, towards the end with his site and the long drawn out "spoken word albums" / posts he would make? I listened to some of the audio samples when they were on the site years ago and some of it was unbelievably weird, like he was in a totally dissociated state, talking to people who weren't actually there. There were a couple specific celebrities he was "talking to" quite often, John Frusciante was one for sure, and another guitar player from a relatively small band I can't remember now (I looked them up at the time and thought it was particularly weird, as they were like a small time college rock band who had broken up years prior).
One thing I do remember quite distinctly was I was quite surprised when a shot of Giuseppe on a playground with a man and woman in upper state NY was posted to Instagram, a short while after his website went down. If I remember correctly, they were musicians and the caption said something to the effect that he was helping them film a video. At this point I thought he was more or less completely out of it based on what he'd been posting to his website, so I was really surprised that he had connected with some strangers to actually do something like that, but I don't believe there was ever any follow up posts. I haven't been able to find that post since, if anyone ever remembers seeing that, and who the couple were that would be unbelievably helpful to me!
From the bits and pieces that have come out, I feel like I can stitch together a bit of an understanding of how things might have gone down over the last decade, but a lot is still very speculative to an extent. I'm really curious if anyone out there can corroborate some of these stories in any way, or add any additional information!

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.

Played survivors:

• Matías Recalt (Roberto Canessa): He calls Dr. Canessa “Robert”. Although they don’t resemble each other physically (other than having big noses), they do have similar personalities. Matías could not cry on set, his emotions were kind of blocked (his father had passed away very recently), but Roberto says he was never able to cry in the mountains either. Matías is also headstrong and would sometimes do things his way instead of the way Bayona asked for him, which was very Canessa of him (1).
• Agustín Pardella (Fernando "Nando" Parrado): He calls Nando his favorite hero and feels that he has taught him a lot about resilience, and makes him want to become a better person (2). He considers Nando a friend, someone with a lot of emotions and warmth, which he had to block in the mountains. Rather that portraying the “superhero” that the media has often painted Nando as, he focused on getting to know him as a person and bring his humanity onscreen (3).
• Agustín Della Corte (Antonio "Tintín" Vizintín): He and Tintín had already met before, since Tintín used to be the president of the Uruguayan Rugby Union, and Della used to be part of the national rugby team (3). They hugged when they met for the movie for the first time (4). tThey met a lot of times, and he got very interested in what Tintín felt in each moment, the emotional details, which is exactly what the survivors wanted. Him being a rugby player helped a lot. Tintín feels that he was able to capture a lot of the essence of what he lived in the mountains. The first time Tintín watched the movie, he didn’t know how he felt about it, because it transported him to the mountains (2).
• Felipe "Pipe" G. Otaño (Carlos "Carlitos" Páez R.): His mother made him read The Society of the Snow when he was younger, so he was more familiar with the story that the average Argentinian. He guessed that he was playing Carlos Páez before the roles were revealed because of his age, physical traits, and what lines he they made him read. He not only Carlito’s book, but also the ones written by his parents. He also watched a lot of interviews with Carlitos (3). He went to Carlitos’ house and met his family. They texted a lot during the process of filming, and still text semi-regularly (2). He also relied on Pablo Vierci on set for details of his personality (3).
• Tomás Wolf (Gustavo Zerbino): He didn’t only get close to Gustavo, they had a barbecue together, and he always answered his questions (3). He also got close to Lupe Zerbino, a daughter. He played in a football (soccer) match, Zerbinos vs Canessas (Zerbinos won). Zerbino still shows him support in social media, even liking more political posts (5).
• Esteban "Kuku" Kukuriczka (Adolfo "Fito" Strauch): He read the book as soon as he got a clue of what the movie was about. At first, they talked at the hotel for around three hours, then he went to his home and met his family, they could empathize with each other (3). Fito and his wife recently went to watch one of Kuku’s theatre performances (2).
• Francisco Romero (Daniel Fernández): They talked a lot. The first time they met up alone, it was in a hotel. Daniel had a lot of love when talking to Fran. Fran feels like he would have played a similar role/made similar decisions in the mountains. According to Chori Segura, Daniel is physically a lot bigger than Fran irl (4). From Daniel, Fran takes away temperance, listening to others, being able to put the group first (3).
• Rafael Federman (Eduardo Strauch): When they met, Eduardo gave him his book as a gift. He would always answer Rafael’s questions (3). Eduardo always received him warmly (2). Rafael took the exit sign of the plane as a souvenir from set, same as Eduardo irl (5).
• Andy Pruss (Roy Harley): He got his information from the books and interviews. But also from talking to him, and how he sees himself in the mountains, 50 years later, what he did right and what he did wrong, specially about not being able to keep his emotions in check, which ended up affecting him a lot (3). Roy took him out in his car to see the places where he grew up, where he studied, his childhood house. Roy also went with Andy and his parents to the beach (2).
• Juan Ignacio "Juanicar" Carusso (Álvaro Mangino): Álvaro as a character had never existed in the other movies, so he felt a lot of responsibility playing him. Álvaro took him home and personally taught him how he used to crawl with a broken leg. He would always answer any question he had (3). Álvaro and Margarita also took some of their family to set, for the hospital scenes (2).
• Simón Hempe (José Luis "Coche" Inciarte): Once his participation got confirmed in the movie, he bought the Society of the Snow and another book about the event, on a whim. It ended up being Coche’s book (3). He feels like he bonded with Coche, since day 1, almost like a grandfather. He also got close to his family, specially his (now) widow, Soledad (2). His death was very hard on Simón (3). They talked a lot, at his house, by phone, on set. They got close enough that Simón could show up to the Inciarte household unannounced (2), and Coche called him his “favorite actor”(2). Coche personally coached him on set for the rescue scenes (told him to remember to smile) and in the hospital (him and Soledad still remembered very clearly how their reencounter was). Soledad says that the movie was something that gave Coche energy despite being ill, and that watching it made him proud. He once met some friends of Coche by chance, and they shared pictures and memories of him (3).
• Valentino Alonso (Alfredo "Pancho" Delgado): When they first met by themselves, they couldn’t look at each other in the eye. Pancho is still very affected by what happened, and Valentino wanted to transmit the emotions (including impotence for nor being able to convince Numa to eat enough to live) that he could still see in him, but also fears the movie broke him a bit too (2). According to ML Berch, his manners are similar to Pancho’s, also him being very good at talking while still being reserved (4). Pancho told him still considers Numa his life’s biggest friend (3).
• Esteban Bigliardi (Javier Methol): Javier had already passed away (2015) by the time the casting started (2021). He got his information from reading books, watching interviews. He got to know that Javier, despite having a hard life, had a very strong spirit, passion for life, compassion. He asked the survivors about him, and they would say that Javier was love (3).
• Rocco Posca (Ramón "Moncho" Sabella): For the last round of casting, they sent him a video of Moncho, and he says that he nurtured himself with it, he felt like Moncho (3). They became really close, and he talks to Moncho informally, as a friend, on Moncho’s insistence (2). They talk a lot on the phone (2). Rocco feels that they formed a kind of connection, that he got some of his energy. Their families stories are a bit similar (ie. Moncho helped his father in the fruit market stall, while Rocco’s uncles did the same on the other side of the river, in Argentina), and also he would get certain feelings or trains of thoughts while in character, that he would later discover were similar to Moncho’s own in the mountains (3).
• Luciano Chatton (Pedro Algorta): They met alone at least once in Punta del Este, in 2021. They walked together, and Pedro asked him if he had read his book. He had, but hadn’t finished. They ended up talking for about 4 hours. He doesn’t want to talk a lot about Pedro, because what he says may be different from reality. Pedro seems to still carry wonder and timidity from the mountains. (2)
• Agustín Berruti (Roberto "Bobby" Francois): He too is from Tacuarembó, part of the Uruguayan countryside. He went to Bobby’s house. Bobby said that he didn’t have any idea as to why they sent him there, because he wouldn’t be able to help him with anything. So they drank wine and talked about the countryside life instead (1)

Played Victims

• Enzo Vogrincic (Numa Turcatti): He didn’t get to meet Numa’s twin, Leonardo, as he passed away in 2009. But he did meet Daniel Turcatti, another brother, and his children. He was given a tour of the Turcatti’s childhood home, and Daniel would recall different anecdotes in each room. Numa would have absolutely hated being a protagonist. The survivors and Bayona say that he resembles Numa in the fact that he would constantly bring himself down for not being good enough (1)
• Fernando Contigiani (ArturoNogueira): After the dinner with the survivors, he was taken to the Nogueira’s house and had a big tea time with them (3). They also accompanied him during the whole process of the movie. Arturo’s siblings, Gabriel and Selina are very thankful towards him, say their family is open towards him, and think Arturo would have liked his work. Cristina, another sister, says he helped her close her mourning process. He was the first person Selina called after she watched the movie for the first time (2).
• Benjamín “Chori” Segura (Rafael "El Vasco” Echavarren): His biggest source of information were Rafael’s sisters, Daniel Fernández helped him a lot too, since he held a lot of love towards Vasco while in the mountains. He tried to see what all three sisters shared, because Rafael could have had those same things too (4). The first time he met the Echavarren sisters, they asked if he would be their brother, and he answered that he would try. They hugged and cried, they laughed and talked for hours. The sisters have both said that they love Chori and that having him is like having their brother back, somewhat (but that Rafael was more shameless) (2).
• Paula Baldini (Liliana Navarro): She was able to talk to a sister, a friend, and her daughters (3). The most emotional part of filming was meeting the Methols daughters in the airport, since she was dressed exactly as their last memory of her. They all cried, and thanked her a lot (5). Male Methol says that the movie helped her picture the mother she didn’t get to grow up with (1). The other children also say that the movie helped them close the cycle (3).
• Diego Vegezzi (Marcelo Pérez del Castillo): He says that he got a lot of who was Marcelo from the Society of the Snow book, and also from "Del Otro Lado de la Montaña", the book written by the families. He had the same role as an empathetic leader in his family, the team and in the mountains (3). When they first met him, the survivors gathered around him because he looked so alike Marcelo (6). Stella, sister, says that what she saw in the movie feels like the Marcelo she knew, that his death onscreen brought forward the feelings she had bottled up for 50 years, and that the movie remembered that the 16 that made it back did it so because of the 29 left behind (1).
• Blas Polidori (Gustavo "Coco" Nicolich): He relied a lot in Coco’s letters, since they have so much of his personality (3). He mostly talked with Álvaro, also nicknamed Coco, the younger brother. They met at his office, alongside an acting coach. They talked about what Gustavo’s essence was, their family, their parents, how them, as a family lived the tragedy. Álvaro tends to leave supportive comments on Blas Instagram from the Nicolich family business account, he says that Blas could bring Coco back in his last moments and was thankful for it, even if he saw him suffer (2). He also keeps contact with Álvaro´s daughter, Coco’s niece, Pauli (3).
• Emanuel Parga (Sgt. Carlos Roque): Roque’s family didn’t want to talk much with the production, because they were still angry and felt disrespected because of his portrayal in Alive (1993) (3). He got in contact with Alejandro, Roque’s son, and also people from the Air Force. The first time he met Alejandro, they couldn’t speak, but they cried and hugged, it felt like two friends meeting again after a long time. He promised that he would honour his father, bring his dignity back (2). Roque’s sister got in contact with Ema only after the release of the movie, and was both relieved and happy with it. She liked that they portrayed the love he had for his job (3).
• Felipe Ramusio (Diego Storm): He had played rugby as a kid. He got in contact with Diego’s brother, and also a family friend. The survivor that helped him the most was Carlitos (very close to Diego, even named one of his kids after him), who invited even him to his house. After the movie, the family contacted him again and congratulated him (3).
• Alfonsina Carrocio (Susana "Susy" Parrado): She mostly talked to Nando. He was very descriptive on how she was injured, what she could and could not do after the crash, how Liliana would take care of her (3).
• Santiago Vaca Narvaja (Daniel Maspons): He was welcomed to Daniel’s nephew’s house with tea and chocolate. He keeps contact with the Maspons sisters, specially with Rosario, the eldest. They showed him a lot of love. She thanked him for helping her understand what happened in the mountains. He does not resemble Maspons in personality, since Daniel was very shy and not very talkative, and had to learn to have a silent presence (3).
• Juandi Eirea (Juan Carlos Menéndez): He did play rugby for 15 years, which helped him with characterization. The Menéndez family didn’t take part in the movie production (3).
• Federico Aznárez (Enrique Platero): His father trained in the Old Christian’s gym as a kid, so he had always had a big connection to the story. He re-read the books after being cast. He got in contact with Roberto Canessa, before the casting even finished, and they talked for about 30 minutes in Dr. Canessa’s workplace (the hospital), mostly about how their life were before the crash. He phoned Roberto before the last round of casting, because the books had very little information about Enrique, and Canessa invited him home to practice his scenes, and also to talk a lot about Enrique and his family. Netflix wasn’t able to contact the Platero family, so Gustavo Zerbino did it instead. They had a barbecue with Enrique’s nephews and nieces, who knew very little about him, and Fede asked Zerbino a lot of questions, with some chime-ins from the Plateros (3). He later got in contact with Martín Zerbino (son), Juan Pablo Nicola (son of the Nicolas, who passed away in the crash) and, alongside Juani Eirea went to the Valley of Tears in February 2023, where they left letters for Enrique and Juan Carlos (2).
• Jerónimo Bosia (Franciso "Panchito" Abal): Netflix was not able to contact the Abal family, most of them had already passed away. After the movie release, a step sister sent Carlitos an audio message, which got to Jerónimo through Pipe Otaño, talking about how she could now understand that Pancho didn’t make it back so that some would be able to (3).
• Agustín Lain (Carlos Valeta): They told him that he resembles Valeta in his looks and his youth (3). It’s unclear who “they” are, if they were survivors, Vierci or Valeta relatives.
• Lautaro Bakir (Julio Martínez-Lamas): He got to meet the family while filming, which was something very impactful for him. He met a sister while filming at the airport, him in character with a beard. He got most of his information by what Pablo Vierci and Zerbino told him. He was not a rugby player, but was a big fan of the Old Christians and would always participate in the chants (3).
• Lucas Mascareña (Fernando “Flaco” Vázquez): He met Teresa Vázquez, a sister, and her family when they saw him characterized at the airport, and hugged him without saying anything. They recognized him, and could see both his eyes and facial expressions that he played Fernando. A friend of el Flaco says that Lucas’ acting brought him back (2). Fun fact, the actor is a commercial pilot.
• Federico Formento (Daniel Shaw): He was initially unable to contact the Shaw family, so he got bits and pieces from the books. He eventually met with Miguel Shaw, Daniel’s brother, after Pablo Vierci got him his contact, while they were filming the Uruguay scenes (3).
• Francisco Bereny (Felipe Maquirriaín): Sandra Maquirriaín (sister) was involved in the process of the movie (1). I could not find any interview with him.
• Toto Rovito (Alexis Hounié) and Julián Bedino (Guido Magri): Although they do have interviews, I could not find footage of him talking about whether he met the families of who they played, or if they talked with the survivors about them.
• Louta (Gastón Costemalle), Maximiliano de la Cruz (Lt. Col. Dante Lagurara): Although they have speaking roles, I could not find interviews with them talking about SOTS.
• Pablo ??? (Dr. Francisco Nicola): To Juan Pedro Nicola, son, seeing him acting at the airport was magic, like seeing them again (1).

Did not board the plane:
- Fran Burghi (Alfredo Cibilis): He couldn’t meet Alfredo due to schedule conflicts (3).
Sources:
1) Netflix: Who Were We on the Mountain?, Tom Holland interview + many shorter interviews with families, survivors and cast.
2) Actors and survivors' personal Instagram accounts.
3) Interview by Moobys (YouTube)
4) Interview by Fangirleando y Chismeando (YouTube)
5) Juanicar's livestreams
6) Society of the Snow book (newest edition)
EDIT: Added more links

Hello My interview in a couple of days and I've just noticed that the visa letter I got from the hospital called a letter of acceptance but it is telling that I got accepted for a clinical rotation at this hospital and other things about the rotation Is it considered an invitation letter?

In a fascinating study, evidenced for a possible landing sight for Lehi in America has been discovered within easy travel distance to Palmyra, NY. If substantiated, it could add weight to an Atlantic migration, the controversial Solutrean Hypothesis, in addition to the traditional Siberian route. https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2024/05/19/first-americans-chesapeake-parsons-island/
The link is behind a pay wall. Here’s the article
PARSONS ISLAND, Md. — With the Chesapeake Bay sloshing at his knee-high boots, Darrin Lowery stood back and squinted at a 10-foot-tall bluff rising above a narrow strip of beach. To the untrained eye, this wall of sandy sediment is the unremarkable edge of a modest island southeast of the Bay Bridge. To Lowery, a coastal geologist, its crumbling layers put the island at the center of one of the most contentious battles in archaeology: when and how humans first made their way into the Americas. The story of the first Americans has long been a matter of public and scientific fascination, undergirded at times by vicious disagreements. The timeline of when people arrived has shifted earlier in grudging steps over the past century, and scientists today mostly agree people were in the Americas at least 15,000 years ago. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery’s site and others like it could revise the story again, pushing back the timeline earlier than most experts thought possible. In total, Lowery and a motley crew of collaborators have discovered 286 artifacts from the site on the island’s southwestern edge. The oldest, they reported, was embedded with charcoal dated to more than 22,000 years ago, a time when much of the continent would have been covered in ice sheets. If Lowery is right, Parsons Island could rewrite American prehistory, opening up a host of new puzzles: How did those people get here? How many waves of early migration were there? And are these mysterious people the ancestors of Native Americans?
Casts of tools found at Parsons Island are seen on display. Lowery and his team have unearthed 286 artifacts from the site so far. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) New claims of sites dated this far back face a wall of skepticism, rooted in legitimate scientific scrutiny and in the threat they pose to long-entrenched views. To complicate matters, Lowery — who has been affiliated with the Smithsonian but does much of his work independently — presented the results of his study of Parsons Island in a 260-page manuscript posted online rather than in a traditional peer-reviewed journal. The peer-review process is designed to help validate scientific claims, but Lowery argues that in archaeology it often leads to a circle-the-wagon mentality, allowing scientists to wave away evidence that doesn’t support the dominant paradigm. He says he isn’t seeking formal publishing routes because “life’s too short,” comparing this aspect of academic science to “the dumbest game I’ve ever played.”
The island is also a challenging site to study for a variety of reasons — most poignantly because it is rapidly eroding as the land subsides and sea level rises. The spot where the artifacts were found is now covered by the choppy waters of the bay. “The visit reinforced my will to invest my time into this time period, because it’s a very fragile record,” said Sebastien Lacombe, an archaeologist at Binghamton University, who visited the island in 2017. “It’s at risk of disappearing, and we’re at risk of [allowing] these sites and artifacts to lose their meaning forever.” ‘A weirdo kid’
Darrin Lowery walks a beach on Parsons Island. Most of the artifacts were excavated by erosion, discovered on the beach after they had already fallen out of the bluff. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery began exploring the Chesapeake shoreline as a child, wandering his backyard on Tilghman Island, about 15 miles southwest from Parsons Island. In 1977, 9-year-old Lowery picked up a distinctive fluted stone projectile point. A few years later, he saw something similar on a documentary on public television, in which a Smithsonian archaeologist explained it was a Clovis point, a relic of what most people then believed were the first Americans. For the last half of the 20th century, the peopling of the Americas followed a tidy narrative. Humans traveled from Siberia across a land bridge that connected Asia and North America during the last Ice Age, when sea levels dropped. They then migrated southward around 13,000 years ago, when the ice sheets covering the continent retreated and exposed a previously impassable inland route. These people — named after a site in Clovis, N.M. — left behind distinctive, fluted stone points that have since been found scattered across North America. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery turned to his dad and said, “I found one of those.” He found more by walking the shoreline every day. Lowery made discoveries as he meandered, and he began to understand how seasonal patterns, sediment movement, wind and waves could unearth ancient treasures. “I was a weirdo kid,” he recalled. He trained as a geologist, and it was geology that initially attracted Lowery to study Parsons Island. In 2010, he published an article in Quaternary Science Reviews describing layers of windblown silt deposited between 13,000 and 41,000 years ago at Miles Point in eastern Maryland. But the geological record is like reading the CliffsNotes version of a book, and he was frustrated by an “unconformity” in the sediment layers where thousands of years were missing, like someone had ripped out those chapters.
Parsons Island is rapidly eroding. The archaeological site is now covered by the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery and a colleague were prowling around in a whaler, looking for a spot that might fill in the blanks, when they spotted a black streak of sediment rising up out of the bay. They pulled up to Parsons Island and thought they had found “the Rosetta stone” to decode the geology. Parsons is a 78-acre island less than a mile offshore that is privately owned by the Corckran family, which uses it as a family retreat. With the Corckrans’ permission, Lowery and colleagues began to visit regularly. The bluff layers preserved a remarkably intact geologic timeline going back more than 40,000 years. Then, one morning in August 2013, the team discovered a leaf-shaped prehistoric stone tool jutting out of this crumbling wall. They knew from the work they’d already done that it was probably quite old. Story continues below advertisement
On a recent visit to the island, geoarchaeologist Daniel Wagner demonstrated why. He stepped back to scan the cliff, then tapped a narrow spade into a light tan sediment layer just above his head. That, he said, is the geologic “chapter” where they’d expect to find Clovis artifacts. Lower layers were set down before Clovis. The palm-size tool Lowery and his colleague found came out of the dark sediment layer near their knees. The scientists used two methods to date the sediment around the artifact, both showing it was more than 20,000 years old. They scoured the beach on 93 visits and conducted a formal, top-down excavation, collecting the 286 artifacts. They sent out sediment to labs that specialize in studying ancient pollen and microfossils called phytoliths to help reconstruct the ecosystem at the time. Back then, this region wouldn’t have been a coastline. The sediment the tools are embedded in dates to the “last glacial maximum” — the scientific term for the most recent coldest period of the Ice Age. In the final analysis, Lowery thinks the artifacts may have been transported downslope before they were buried, making them between 15,000 and 20,500 years old. “This was a swale, where water was collecting,” Lowery said, envisioning the ancient landscape. “You’ve got a dune. It’s got sedges and small trees on it that are windblown and all contorted, and then behind it you’ve got a little pond.” That pond may have attracted prehistoric bison, musk ox and llamas, whose fossilized molars he’s found scattered on the island shore. And it may have been what attracted the mysterious people who left behind a cache of stone tools. A story in flux
Parsons Island is seen from nearby Kent Island in the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island is the latest addition to a growing list of what are called pre-Clovis sites. But while the long-held “Clovis First” theory has crumbled over the past three decades, that has only deepened the debate about how much earlier the first Americans arrived. Claims of early sites present a challenge on two fronts. The first is technical: Dating a site convincingly can be difficult, depending on the context. Sediments can shift or be disturbed. What at first look like artifacts can turn out to be “geofacts,” created not by humans but by natural processes or animals. As a result, many pre-Clovis sites “enjoy a Warhol-esque 15 minutes of fame, and then they disappear” because of real problems with the geology or the methods, said archaeologist James Adovasio. In 1973, he began excavating Meadowcroft Rockshelter in Pennsylvania, which dated back 16,000 years. It was instantly mired in controversy, and the site still has its critics today. The second challenge reflects the culture of science. For a long time, people who claimed to find pre-Clovis sites were swimming upstream against deeply entrenched thinking. Tom Dillehay, an archaeologist at Vanderbilt University, began working on a site in southern Chile called Monte Verde in 1977, which was dated to 14,500 years ago. He recalled a group of researchers he calls the “Clovis police,” scientific gatekeepers who summarily rejected any pre-Clovis sites, sometimes for valid reasons and sometimes as a knee-jerk reaction. Monte Verde began to change that. In 1997, a group of respected archaeologists visited the site and declared it authentic. “It took about 25 to 30 years for Monte Verde to be accepted,” Dillehay said. “We went through hell.”
Holly, a German shorthaired pointer, runs across a bluff top on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery says he isn’t interested in running that gantlet. He noted that he drew on multiple labs and methods for dating the Parsons Island artifacts in an effort to ensure that any one extremely old date isn’t a fluke. He’s also invited other researchers in to visit and study the site. That approach irritates some scientists. David Meltzer, an archaeologist at Southern Methodist University, said in an email that he would not discuss Lowery’s claims “until they go through the wringer of peer review and get published.” Others like Stuart Fiedel, an independent archaeologist based in western Massachusetts who has been skeptical of other sites, say the site should not fly under the radar just because of Lowery’s unconventional process. Story continues below advertisement
“There are people I know in the field who will not pay any attention to it, because it has not been peer-reviewed, which I think is kind of sticking your head in the sand,” Fiedel said. “It’s there. We can’t act as [if] nothing’s been found there.” Share this article Share
A bigger issue may be the site’s rapid erosion. Most of the artifacts were found after they’d fallen out of the bluff, which means their place in the geologic timeline is obscured. Nine artifacts were found in place, and only three were able to be dated using charcoal flecks found next to them. Steven Forman, a geoscientist at Baylor University, helped date the sediment layers at Parsons Island, corroborating findings from another lab. He said that it’s hard to find the artifacts in the kind of bulletproof geological context needed to support extraordinary claims. “The case is not as tight as we like to see it with other sites,” Forman said. Michael Waters, an archaeologist at Texas A&M University who has worked on pre-Clovis sites and excavated at Parsons Island, thinks he probably got there too late, when most of the artifacts had already been eroded out. Still, he pays someone to monitor the bank profile on a regular basis, because he’s ready to jump on a plane if they see something in place. “Too bad we didn’t get there four to five years sooner,” Waters said. Enter ancient DNA
An ancient bovine tooth is among the fossils found so far on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island isn’t the only site that could dramatically push back human arrival in the Americas. Last fall, a study published in the journal Science described fossilized human footprints discovered at White Sands National Park in New Mexico that have been dated to between 21,000 and 23,000 years ago. That stunning finding suggests people were here during the Ice Age — much earlier than most experts thought possible if the first humans arrived via the Bering land bridge and inland corridor. The dates at White Sands are still being disputed because of questions about the methods. But the timeline collides head-on with another exciting line of evidence: studies of ancient DNA. By examining genetic material preserved in bones and teeth and comparing those samples to modern populations, scientists have been able to track when populations mingled and became isolated from one another, offering a new window into patterns of human migration. Story continues below advertisement
In broad strokes, they’ve found that the ancestors of Native Americans split from ancient Siberian populations no earlier than 23,000 years ago. The studies can’t say where such splits took place, but many scientists interpret genetic evidence to mean that the ancestors of modern people weren’t in the Americas until much later. Genetic studies suggest that Native American ancestors traveled into what is now the United States between 17,500 and 14,600 years ago. Joe Watkins, a senior consultant for Archaeological and Cultural Education Consultants in Tucson and a Choctaw tribal member, said that he sees a few problems with using the still-evolving DNA evidence to decide how ancient sites are related to modern-day people. “The reality is genetics does not equal culture,” Watkins said. He also argued that there are still too few samples of ancient DNA in the Americas to be sure they capture the whole story. “Trying to create population histories based on 10 people, if you will, is a little bit of a scientific conundrum,” Watkins said. It could be that additional ancient genomes will one day help fill in the blanks. Another possibility is that earlier sites could represent small, isolated groups of people who didn’t contribute to the ancestry of living Native Americans.
A tree-lined path leads to a beach on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) “Let’s suppose you have a successful population colonizing an area, and then one day, 15 males go out and get eaten by a short-faced bear,” Lowery said. “You reduce the genetic diversity, and bada boom, bada bing, game over.” All this explodes the neat picture of one population migrating into the Americas as ice sheets retreated, hunting big animals like mammoths and giant sloths, driving them into extinction as they went. If there were small groups making their way into the New World, with different stone tool technologies, and far earlier than previously believed, how did they get here? People could have migrated along the coast by boat, following a “kelp highway.” It’s also possible the ice sheet was not as impenetrable as experts have long thought. Lowery’s longtime collaborator, Dennis Stanford, proposed that people crossed the Atlantic Ocean in what is known as the Solutrean Hypothesis, though that idea has been rejected by many archaeologists. To resolve the question, scientists need to keep looking for more evidence. Archaeology is a historical science, and unlike chemistry or biomedicine, where researchers can perform the same experiment over and over again to see if they get the same results, consensus is built by argument, counterargument and new evidence. To a certain extent, older ideas and prejudices also fall away as new people enter the field, said James Feathers, who performed dating on samples from Parsons Island before he retired from the University of Washington. “Sometimes you have to wait for people to die off,” Feathers said.
Alex Corckran, whose family owns Parsons Island, stands on a beach on the southern side of the island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery is determined to keep motoring around the Chesapeake, researching the ephemeral landscape that he loves and that may contain clues about human prehistory. He acknowledges that the sites, perhaps a little bit like him, are “persnickety” but that shouldn’t deter interest in them. Instead, it should spur more. He noted that if a pod of silverfish was found gnawing on documents in the National Archives, people would be galvanized to act. “I view it as my swan song,” Lowery said, “to say you can learn a lot from [an] eroding site if you do a little bit of effort and look at it systematically.”
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I still remember the first time I ever saw a computer. I was invited to a friends house. I had never seen an elevator that automatically opened. I walked into the apartment, mesmerized by the marble flooring, the pearl white paint, and the pristine furniture that seemed untouched by time. We went to his room, where I saw a device that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. It was a computer. He started to play a game on it, and it blew me away. Growing up in the slums of Beirut, I had never seen such technology. I never knew the world beyond a few blocks. But something about that day made me realize there was so much more to discover. My thirst for knowledge and exploration has never stopped since.
When I remember that day and think about how yesterday I witnessed history in the making—an AI that can see us, hear us, and interact with us—I am struck by the incredible journey we've been on. In just 2 years, we've come so far, and the possibilities ahead are even more thrilling. We are witnessing only the tip of the iceberg, and I am both excited and eager to see what comes next.
Sam, you are in a position that few can truly comprehend. We can all speculate about how challenging it must be to manage one of the world's most powerful technologies, but no one really understands what you're going through. Know that we sympathize with you.
Throughout history, humans have been divided by many things, religion, race, ideologies, but one desire unites us all: the desire to find our peace in this life. The technology in your hands has the potential to take humans to new heights. As I sit here , writing this letter, I plead with you to ensure that this technology never falls into the wrong hands. Those who seek only money, power, and control. It should only be used to further humanity, enhance quality of life, advance healthcare, protect the environment, and discover the wonders this world has to offer.
I know how easy it is to get lost, but I believe you will always make the right decisions. With great powers come great responsibilities. Sam, I leave you with these final words: “We will die, and work will never finish.” As much as we yearn to see the future, your mental health must always come first. Don’t push yourself too hard. Thank you for everything you have done and will continue to do for us.
Sincerely, A.H.

I read a quote recently that said “if you want something be the type of person who has it.” So, for example, if you would like to receive love letters, be the type of person who writes them. If you would like to be invited to parties, be the type of person who hosts them, so on and so forth.
I’m trying, still, after two years to process the grief of losing you and to process the grief of all that was lost during our relationship, including pieces of my innocence and my dignity, pieces, I dare say, I will never be able to recover. You hurt me in the worst ways imaginable yet still I can’t hate you. I won’t. Everybody says that I should and that whatever love I have fantasized in my head towards you is merely the limerence that results from Stockholm Syndrome. An obsession one would hold towards a hateful caregiver in an infantilized state.
Though, I’m not so sure. I am loathe to believe the love I hold towards you is fetishized grief. I am hoping that by putting these letters out into the void I will gain some temporary relief from the pain of your absence, at the least, and at most I will begin to build a bridge over that dark and glowering moat of grief that has kept me tethered to the past, tethered to the abusive and turbulent relationship which left me with nothing but debt to be repaid by a wandering life of pain, misery, and an emptiness never to be filled by love in the same way.
Oh how I admired you, oh man of mine. How I wanted to grasp onto every word that came out of your mouth when you were discussing your ideas. How your poems, though a little prose-like and robotic, made me sink faster into the pit of infatuation. I was in love with you. Obsessed. I wish I could have recorded the sound of your voice when you talked about science. I wish I could have mended the pain of your abandonment in adolescence. I wish I could have been the support you needed even when you pushed me away and put me down. I wish I could have healed the parts of you that were so broken to make you believe that stealing from me would somehow fill your empty cup.
But you cut off the bottom of the glass and no amount of debauchery could ever leave you more full than you were before. No amount of purity stolen from me could mend the agony you had held onto for far too long.
I am still left wondering, now, without you even by my side to soothe the wounds you had inflicted, why you chose me to steal from? Was everything really as you said? Was I too unlovable for the mistakes I had made in the past? Hadn’t I more than atoned for them with everything you had put me through? Was I really someone you loathed, who you couldn’t rest easy with at night? Was I really such a burden because I was too nervous around the crowds you chose to surround us with at the nightclubs or too sheepish about my femininity to ever be as sexy as you wanted? Where is the line? What was real and what was fake? Was there anything you liked about me at all, or did you just enjoy the joy and admiration I had for you?
When will my lonely heart stop pining over someone who hates me? If you hated me so, why didn’t you simply leave? Why did you always persuade me back into staying with your sweet words and your grand gestures?
I would say I miss you, but to miss someone is to know them truly and be abashed by their absence. I don’t know you anymore so I can’t miss you. Did I ever know you?
Part of my life has come full circle and now I am starting to wonder if any of it was ever real? The memories are so fleeting and time has warped along with everything around it. I feel alone in this universe. Nothing feels real. Were we just a dream? A requiem for a nightmare? Did any of it ever happen? Why has it all just faded into a distant memory, seared like a firestone against the forefront of my subconscious?
How are you? Do you think this way too? Why did you hurt me so much that I had no choice but to leave? Was I really so reprehensible?
Or, was it you whom you hated for your inability to love someone who had given everything to be with you?
All I know is that I didn’t deserve to be discounted and discarded the way I was. I may never be able to recover some of the innocence I lost while we were in it, but my heart, with each passing day, still feels mightily pure. Your hatred did not win, and my love for you does not cease.
From M. To J.

Hi there! I’m 26, central US timezone, and female!
SAFE FOR WORK ONLY.
Message me with your age, timezone (US Timezones Preferred), what plot idea you’re interested in, and a sample of your writing!
Partner requirements: must be 22-38 - Must play male (IRL gender doesn’t matter)- write in third person - at least two paragraphs - decent grammar and punctuation- must be able to post once a day to every other day. Communication is key, please let me know if you are going to be busy for longer than a day or two or if you are no longer interested. No asterisks for actions. Dialogue should be in quotations. NO AI ART OR WRITING.
I’ve been craving a good enemies to lovers roleplay for awhile now and what’s a better enemies to lovers roleplay than something revolving around the mafia?
Plot idea #1: Your character has recently taken over the family business. My character is a college student on a study abroad trip that happens to see something they weren’t supposed to. Y/C’s men that were handling the deal take her back to the main ‘headquarters’ and keep her locked up, leaving Y/C to deal with her.
Plot idea #2: Your character is in a small gang that is tasked with kidnapping the naive daughter of a mob boss that stole money from another. Basic idea, can be fleshed out more together.
Plot idea #3: your character would be a police officer that’s gone undercover with some small local gangs to bust a couple of drug dealers and whatnot. Having done such a great job there, he is offered a bigger mission and if he takes it, when he returns to his actual station, he will get a bigger raise, new car, K-9 unit, some sort of special thing that he’s been working towards. This bigger mission would be infiltrating a bigger mafia family that seems to be running all these smaller ones. Thanks to some forged documents, lies spread around, and some of the actual dirty work he has done over the last six months, the head of the family invites him to a nightclub to chat. The chat leads to the offering of a position within the family, a personal bodyguard for the mob bosses daughter after the situation that happened with her last one. It’s his first break through and they’re welcoming him with open arms. Does he accept?