Shore-ing Up Sides
What kind of a name is this episode? Stupid title. It does give us a clue that this episode will show the demise of friendships and that the cast takes sides. They split up! The casts of NJ are all doing interviews online and on TV. Don't look online or any entertainment news on TV if you don't want to know who switches sides and all of that. I know who switches sides, but I will dance around the subject in the recap. But I will talk about it in the comment section. I doubt anyone cares if it's spoiled, but you never know. We got a long season ahead. Please! I hope the arguing isn't as bad as last year!
The cast is still down at the Shore. It looks beautiful and also fun! Of course, they are still divided. Jen and Bill A is with Dolores and Paul. Teresa and Louie went home because Gabriella is leaving for college. Rachel and John are with Adult Jen Fessler and her husband Jeff along with Danielle and Nate. Melissa and Joe are with Marge and her Joe--he really loves her, he's rubbing her feet, very clingy. I would hate it! But that's just me. Most women love to be pampered. Not me.
John asks Adult Jen F about the party the night before. He secretly wants to know why she is hanging around with the enemy, Teresa. Jen states that she never had a problem with Teresa, Rachel looks at her with daggers, she is mad as hell. She states in her talking head that Adult Jen couldn't stand Teresa and that now that Adult Jen has jumped ship, Rachel is done with her. She is very hurt and called Adult Jen F stupid.
Dolores asks Jen A what is going on between Melissa and her. Jen says she is not feeling her and is not a chump. Melissa tells Marge that Jen A spread rumors, so she is not happy with her. The bad feelings is mutual between these two women...
Melissa is throwing a Birthday Party for Joe. It's going to be an Italian theme party. She and Marge discuss what to do about Jen A because she might feel like the lone enemy there without Teresa. Melissa thinks she and Bull should attend. So, with that, Joe Gorga calls Bill and extends an invitation to him and his wife. Bill tells him thank you, but his wife Jen is still not in a good place with Melissa. Jen is not having it. She is still hurt from last year and thinks Joe's invite was not sincere. She is glad that Bill finally stood up for her. She says they are a team from now on. He will stand up for her or he will feel her wrath! Bill just smiles at her no matter what she says. Why is he always smiling?!
Teresa and all her girls are packing up for Gabriella. Gia is crying, all the girls are crying. Gia tells Gabriella that she is so proud of her for getting into the University of Michigan. It's a very had college to get into. Teresa is also crying. Teresa ex, Joe Guidice calls. Teresa can't look at him or she will cry. He tells them all this is a good thing. Louie comes in and tries to cheer them up too. Joe can't afford college, so Teresa and Louie are paying. I doubt Louie is paying, but Producers put Teresa on the spot and asked her if Louie is also paying. Of course she is going to say yes. Pretty sure only Teresa is paying. I saw a preview that Louie went through all of Teresa's money. So, there's that.
Teresa and Louie go outside. She tells him she is in her love bubble with him and no matter what happened at the party or with their enemies she has his love. What does enemies have to do with their love bubble? They are holding hands, clinging to each other while they bring up John Fuda, they rip him apart. Louie called him ugly and a loser. Louie you're no prize in the looks either so no room to talk. Teresa tells him he handled it with grace with John and she is sorry he has to deal with this. He says the same to her, she doesn't deserve any of this. I feel so bad what these two have to put up with. Not! Louie handled it with grace! What the... such an odd thing to say. Louie wrote on Instagram that Teresa has so much grace. I would not describe these two with the word grace.
Joe Gorga's party starts. It looks like fun. The men were doing shots on a blow-up doll's ass that John brought. Ass shots are not my style of fun, but to each their own.
Rachel is complaining about Adult Jen F's betrayal and Marge is talking about Jen A. Marge thinks Jen A should have shown up. Why? I wouldn't if I was her. Rachel agrees with me and says she wouldn't have shown up either.
Back home Teresa throws a going away dinner party for Gabriella at a restaurant. Louie's boys are there along with her daughters. It's a nice family scene. They all reminisce and have a nice time together. Cheers Gabriella! I hope she succeeds in whatever career that she decides to do. I am sure she will.
Back at the party John and Paul joke around with the other men and make up. Oh, and Frank is there. I thought he was off the show for good. He tells Joe that he misses him and that he is Starchy to his Hutch. What?!! Oh, and Frankie Jr. Isn't in Dolores' background family tagline. It's Paul and her daughter. Maybe Frank Jr. had enough of the show.
Marge, Rachel and Adult Jen F sit down. Marge is going to get her. She asks her about Teresa and Louie. Marge is going on and on about it, she is annoyed. Jackie sits down and takes Adult F's side. Marge and Rachel are not having it. Marge tells Adult Jen that she doesn't understand what she is doing, she hated them. Adult Jen is not budging, she now loves Teresa and will be friends with whoever she wants. Rache; starts crying about all of this. Adult Jen feels bad for Rachel, but she loves Teresa now! Rachel feels very betrayed, and Marge is not having what Adult Jen A is putting down. This is messy. Jen F told Marge she is not Marge's soldier, and she will do what she wants and be friends with who she wants. There is a lot of arguing going on and I am sure it will continue. Jackie is comforting Adult Jen and Marge and Rachel are talking about Jen F to Danielle, Rachel is still crying. The betrayal is real. Danielle agrees with Rachel and Marge--she says Adult Jen F isn't loyal and should never do that to her best friends.
Adult Jen F is trying with all her might to tell everyone that she is the best friend anyone could ever have! I don't know about that. What do you all think? Is Jen F a traitor or is Marge and Rachel being unreasonable? If someone does me harm and spread rumors about me. I wouldn't be too fond if my friend befriended that person who she knew for a minute and said she disliked. It's hurtful to do that to a longtime friend who you trusted. That's my take on this.
Oh yeah, and Joe Gorga gets a nice big Italian cannoli cake! Besides the arguing, there were a lot of people there having a lot of fun. Everyone wished him a Happy Birthday and it ended on a happy scene with the delicious cake! Who doesn't love cake?
To Be Continued...

(Warning long read ahead)
Hi! For the sake of privacy I won't refer to anyone in my story by there real names I will go by these fake names I'll use. Anyways let's begin.....
So I recently got over a rough break up with my ex and in order to move on I downloaded the dating app Tinder. I swiped right on a couple of people but I ended up meeting this really sweet guy named Sasuke. He was super sweet and he helped me out with my situation that I was in. He saw that I was in a rough spot so he offered his home to me so that way I can bounce back and be able to grab my own apartment again after my ex destroyed my credit with a derogatory mark. So after meeting him on February 16th and only knowing him for like 3 days I moved in. Best sleep I had in a while right. After like the 5th or 6th day I decided to have the sexy time with Sasuke. It was good but I feel like I moved to fast on doing it with him but it's too late for regrets now.
So during that first week he was showing me affection. Giving me hugs and he gave me a kiss before I went to work at my job. After the sexy time happened I noticed he beginned to change... He would say that affection is based on actions and saying I love you to you isn't really a true way to show ones love for one another. I was like cool so how do you show affection to another person and he was like its based on actions and what you do for a person. Again he's not completely wrong but the problem with that way of thinking came out way later...
After a month of dating which he took me downtown Atlanta and I was always allowed to ride with him he says that I was his girlfriend. I was surprised because he never gave me a title until now and it took me off guard but I was happy that he called me his girlfriend. We dated each other for like 2 months and we did have our arguments along the way. When I wanted a hug or a kiss he would shove me off of him. If I said a opinion he didn't like he was quick to punch me in my arm or slap my thigh or whatever the case maybe. He says love is based on actions right so I told him having a hug or kiss is a action so why couldn't he do it??
He always says that I force my trauma onto him but I never had any real trauma happen to me??? He would always tell me fuck my feelings when we argue and that he has all of this bad stuff that happens to him (Ex: physical abuse or being stabbed ect don't wanna name all the trauma) so why do I feel entitled as a woman to complain and say he hurted my feelings when he had all these things happened to him and you don't see him crying about it. He was basically telling me to suck it up and deal with it on my own because it's not his responsibility to cuddle me which I'm not asking for I'm just asking for him to CARE a little about my feelings.
I often would ask him why did you open your house up to me if you felt uncomfortable with someone staying with you??? Because you could have just left me alone at my friend's house. He would always say oh I felt bad I felt like you needed the help which btw he constantly throws in my face that I never took advantage of his kind gesture because I didn't have to pay anything to stay here I just needed to work on myself and get me another apartment again.
At this point the arguments intensified because he never showed me affection and he always shoved me away from him and I felt lonely... I always wondered why his girlfriends cheated on him and why the other two dumped him but maybe that's the reason why because the lack of affection?? Regardless he always says fuck my feelings and never seem to cared about them. When it was his birthday and I bought him a crap ton of balloons and cake he was like I told you I don't like that shit so why did you do it??? He never once said thank you for what I did btw until I asked him about it later.
We argued again yesterday and apparently it was enough to warrant him dumping me because I was too soft and sensitive and he doesn't have time to cuddle me which I'm not asking for again I'm just asking him to CARE A LITTLE. He looked me dead in my face and said that all people inherit violent tendencies. He said if he threw his mom down a flight of stairs imagine what I could do to you and he looked me seriously in my eyes when he said that. I feel like he was mentally and verbally abusive but physical I'm not sure because we wrestled and play fight but sometimes he would hit me in the face or shove me through a room ECT and never apologized for it because he says he always warns me about the consequences of us play fighting.
But overall I was just trying to see if this is worth me saving?? Should I try to make amends and continue to date him or should I run for the hills like my friends are telling me?? He did threaten to beat me way worse then his mom so that is a red flag and when I got up this morning I looked to my left and saw a whole bunch of woman on his phone which might explain why he doesn't want to work it out with me because he was cheating which I may be reaching on. When I tried to dump him in that first month because we were two different people with showing ways of affection he told me to try and work it out and don't give up on us and when I tried to apply that same logic to the situation he just said he couldn't do it anymore in order to protect his money and not go to jail for beating me he said it was necessary. So should I stay or should I go?
(If you have any questions I'll answer them in the comments this is getting long lol)

We have put together this Weekly reoccurring Clan Recruitment Megathread and there also is the Diablo4Clans subreddit where you can meet and look for new & more allies.
Stay awhile and listen to find clans to join in the fight against the Burning Hells and the evils that lurk within Sanctuary...
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The purpose of this weekly reoccurring thread is:

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• and to also provide a few Harm Reduction Guidelines for new players that can help avoid getting scammed when looking for a new clan

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Harm Reduction Guidelines
How to spot shady Clans and Practices
This section here is intended as a “Harm Reduction FAQ” with a few guidelines on how to spot shady Clans and Practices to avoid getting scammed.
A List of Shady Practices that one may encounters in dubious Clans

• The offering of a services/items/geaetc. in exchange for real monetary / payment is a major red flag.
• Paying for Level Boosts and other services that promise quick progression in exchange for payment - legitimate clans don’t charge for helping their clan members level up.
• Paying for a specific Legendary Item, especially when asked to pay for Legendries that did not already dropped or that dropped while you where not there – Legendries can only be traded in-game for the first 2 hours after they dropped and only with those players that were in the group when the Legendary dropped.
• Being asked or pressured into sharing your Blizzard Account Password, even when the request seemingly comes from an Official Blizzard Account or Employee. Blizzard Employees will never ask for your password.
• (Being groomed or pressured into) paying for a Higher Status or Position within the group / clan, (e.g. like being Moderator of the Clans discord, Facebook group, Lieutenant of a Clan, etc.) and/or having to pay for keeping that status / position.

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Scams and Shady Practices to be aware of in General

• Everything that requires sharing of personal information, especially credit card numbers, or social security numbers (even if something is offered in return "for free")
• Advertisements for buying T-Shirts, Mugs, etc related to various franchises (not just Diablo), from ads that may pop up, either in the in-game Chat, discord or even reddit, These are scams designed to get your Credit Card Information. ( link to reddit thread that explains the scam <--)
• Suspicious links and downloads from there, as some downloads may include malware

If something like this occurs, especially if your are being pressured into doing one of these things (even if the person is appearing as a Blizzard Employee or portrays himself to be a Federal Official), it is best to just leave and to not argue, as scammers will likely just continue to pressure or trick you.
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Furthermore, consider enabling the two-factor authentication via the Battle.net Authenticator, as it also is a good additional protection for your Blizzard Account ( Link to Blizzard's Battle.net Authenticator <--)

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.
I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
 
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose

Any update to this?

OOP

I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.

Final Update May 11, 2024
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but I’ve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. I’m going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as “side characters”. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so “all we had to focus on is roleplaying”. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, “See! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!” But I’m just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didn’t pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirate’s roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasn’t letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasn’t what their ancestors would want. I’m sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion roll… and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesn’t change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, “Hey, we’re old now, being up past midnight isn’t as easy as it used to.” To which Colorado replies, “I just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.” The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why we’re not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and I’m tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short “That was awkward” conversation. I don’t know Soldier well so I didn’t say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldur’s Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if I’ve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises I’ll have more freedom next time. I wouldn’t understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him I’m not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought I’d say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if I’ll still make his maps and character art even if I don’t play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Colorado’s mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. I’m not his Giving Tree and I shouldn’t be left a stump for a campaign where he doesn’t even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didn’t feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious

Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.

OOP

Yeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Summer should be fun! The heavy energy’s gotta go. They say their group is very cliquey (we can tell), so let’s start by breaking up the cliques. Add in a bunch of fun, attractive singles and get rid of the tears and bad vibes. Also, I know they’re casting, but I’d love for the newbies to be real friends with at least someone on the cast. It’s exhausting to watch a group of people who clearly don’t like each other and are only there for the cameras. I'll keep supporting and tellin a friend to tell a friend, but I do hope it reaches its full potential.
Are my opinions controversial or do you agree?
STAY

• Noelle: The future of this show. She’s fun, light, and unintentionally funny. The majority of the trip she was the only one acting like they were having a good time. That said, I think Nick was onto something when he ate her up with “I know you wanna be included, but that shit is f’d up.” She should be careful with who & what she aligns herself with and proceed with caution.
  
• Nick: I did not foresee this man becoming one of my favs. He’s kind, multi-dimensional, and hilarious. He seems to be a genuinely good friend to everyone in the house. I wish they were better friends to him. His behavior as a partner left much to be desired, so I see why he and Tasia didn’t work out. That said, I’m interested to see him single, for real this time. If they rebuild the cast around him and his single friends, I’d be open to Alex coming back too.
  
• Jasmine: I liked seeing her stand on her own without Silas. She came in ready to put in the work, didn’t blindly defend past behavior, and demonstrated growth. I want her to return if she commits to showing up authentically and doesn’t try to produce or censor herself. I have a lot of empathy for her. I’ve yet to hear any of them make any claim about her that warrants how they ice her out. At this point I don’t care to see her continue to grovel for their friendship, I’m ready to see her move on and thrive. Low key, she should thank those so called friends of hers bc the more they try to ice her out, the more I like her. They tried to do her like Mariah Huqq on M2M and she dodged their antics. Hopefully she has a good friend in the house next season (maybe Jason?).
  
• Preston: I love that he’s vulnerable, opinionated and full of fun shade and his reactions to the foolishness are my fav. He has everything to become a reality icon, but it will be up to him if he allows his ego to Nene himself. I look at him differently for how quickly he turned on his own line brother & his wife. His newest excuse, per the Carlos King interview, is that he isn’t close with Silas and he was never friends with Jasmine. He said him being in Jasmine and Silas's wedding doesn't mean they were close, because who you put in your wedding isn't necessarily your best friends but people that are responsible. I rewatched S1 and the very first thing he said on the show is how close he and Silas are, but this is the same man that claims to be the most authentic… It seems that since he became besties with Jordan he is too influenced by her biases, because no matter how much mental gymnastics he does to explain his constant negative energy towards Jasmine, It . Doesn’t. Make. Sense. Just say you don’t like her and keep it moving. I feel like the reason he refuses to is because he likes to portray himself as righteous. I don't like how he moves, but I find him compelling enough to give him another chance (without Jordan). Plus, there has to be some conflict and we can’t just throw away everyone who annoys us. Bonus points for Donald being my fav house guest.
  

GO

• Jordan: I initially thought she’d be my favorite, but I was VERY wrong… I rewatched S1 and there wasn’t a single episode in which I enjoyed her more than I didn’t. LITERALLY NOT ONE. She is so freaking negative all the time. She’s incapable of ever admitting she’s wrong and the hostile, disrespectful way she speaks to people stresses me out. She gives others no grace, unless they share a common enemy, but expects all the grace in return. We have now seen 3 seasons of her on TV and all I got is that she seems to be the epitome of misery loves company. I think if she returns she will eventually drag the whole show down with her. Ex- Obviously Summer was going through her own issues in S2, but I firmly believe her and Jordan feeding off of each other’s mean girl energy exasperated her behavior.

• Summer: I’m not down with her getting multiple passes to put hands on people, when Mariah was kicked out for MUCH less. All the housemates agreed to the no contact rule, and I have ZERO desire to watch a show about Black people putting hands on each other. I enjoyed watching her on S1, but now her behavior is exhausting and from her WWHL appearance it seems that almost a year later she still has a lot of healing to do. The Brooke Ashley said that at the premiere party she witnessed Summer go on a rant about how she was gonna quit and not return for S3, so let her. Don’t threaten us with a good time.
  
• Amir: He and Natalie aren’t even unlikable, but fun to watch. To me, they’re just unlikeable. This would be way too long if I address all their problematic and microagressive antics and there are a million posts about that, so I’ll just address the root of it all. It feels like they’re aiming to secure spots on Bravo, but completely missed the mark. The “I’m ignorant to Black culture & history” trope is so tired. For starters, there’s a whole HBCU in Austin. If in ~a decade of adulthood he hasn’t educated himself or entered Black spaces, THAT IS A CHOICE. It says a lot that now that it’s his ticket to being on TV, he’s making a different choice.
  
• His comments on the Positively Uncensored podcast confirmed my feeling of him being disingenuous (for full context go listen). He said after filming S1 he didn’t even care to build friendships with these people until he knew for sure he was going to be a part of the cast for season 2. He said this after spending S1 going on about how they’re now “family” to him. About the negative feedback, he said he’s a “martyr for halfricans.” A martyr??? for halfricans? That is a WILD statement, but he’s repeated versions of this in multiple interviews so it speaks to how he sees himself. I really tried to give him a chance, but it’s always something with him. I truly don’t even care if that’s how this man wants to live his life. I care that Bravo finally gives us a show about young, Black people and this is what we are centering. I would give him SO much grace if he didn’t continue to surround himself by people and establishments that, at best, do not uplift Black people, while he is simultaneously marketing himself as a self-proclaimed “Community Leader” and profiting from his blackness. I don’t think he’s a bad person, I just think he and Natalie absolutely ruin the essence of this particular show.
  

GO, FOR ME, BUT I COULD SEE THEM COMING BACK AND ADDING SOMETHING TO THE SHOW

• Bria: She and Milo are chaotic and can make for great television, but she toes a fine line between being an entertaining, albeit annoying, pot stirrer and being absolutely unbearable. I feel like producers will ask her back for the drama, so if she returns, I hope she’s just a weekend guest to allow for more lightness in the house. Interesting note: according to Preston she is the cast member that most sensors themselves to appeal to viewers and her tantrums are worse off-camera.
  
• Shanice: She had me in the first half, but her behavior is so toxic and she doubles down on it every single time. I also can’t unsee the alleged stalking/harassment evidence, because that was WILD. It’s a shame, because she’s so much fun and may be the only person that shows up completely authentically, for good or bad. That said, Bravo is not the morality police. They’ve kept people with far more problematic behavior, so there’s a good chance they’ll keep her (and Bria) too.
  
• Alex: Grand Rising, you’re probably a nice guy in real life, but boring to watch. You meditate and drink water, we get it. Please namaste off my TV… If they bring in some of his & Nick’s friends, I’d be down to see him return as a guest. After a rewatch, I realized how much more I enjoyed him and his confessionals in S1. I think the change in his attitude in S2 was due to the negative energy Jordan, Summer and crew met him with from jump.
  

PS - These opinions are based on the characters we see on an edited show. I’m not passing judgment on them as human beings.

Author's Note:
7700 words, broke Reddit's character limit, so you know the drill. Will be split into two parts, both posted today. Enjoy!
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"Stop! STOP!"
The terror in Kismet's voice rose higher as death drew nearer. He fled from Rob's grasping hand, but a Purge Divinity-infused fingernail managed to graze him, carving out a scoop of divine essence as if flaying a mortal's skin.
Kismet let out a screech as the Purging energy added to his growing collection of scars. A dozen small holes now dotted the surface of his mana-body, looking like he'd been pockmarked by wasting disease. Each wound represented a moment where the god had narrowly escaped with his life.
If those injuries had been inflicted by any other ability, then he could have rejuvenated himself in the time it took to blink. Purging energy was not so kind as that. It was purifying wrath in the shape of a Skill; their vengeance given form. Whatever divinity it touched, it extinguished.
As if cleansing the universe of a sickness that had infected it for far too long.
The BERSERKER continued his unrelenting advance. In response, Kismet threw up a frantic barrier of mana. It was strong enough to deflect one of Ragnavi's Annihilation beams–
And Rob blasted through it like paper mache. His charge sent broken shards of energy scattering across the divine realms. More mid-air rifts tore open, the HUMAN's aura strangling the surrounding area in a vice grip of power. Purge Divinity seemed to glow with light emanating straight from the pits of hell.
None of which was anywhere near as unnerving as the murder contained within his piercing gaze. When Kismet met Rob's eyes, he saw the end of eternity fast approaching.
The god's next barrier was just as frantic. However, this one was not comprised of mana, but of solid matter. Kismet summoned the hardest, most dense substance known to the mortal realms, then transmuted it into something that otherwise could only have been forged inside the heart of a dying star. It was many times more durable than the impossibly tough walls of an aberrant Dungeon.
So when Rob demolished it with a single punch, he actually had to put a bit of elbow grease into his windup.
Another wall materialized in front of him. He crushed it, then the one after, and the one after that, lashing out with bestial ferocity. The BERSERKER plowed through Kismet's hastily-built defenses like a bulldozer of fists and savagery. Rob was knocking them down as quickly as the god could make them, relishing the sensation of being able to vent his anger on targets that weren't fucking running away.
Then the twelfth wall fell – revealing a monstrous, spiky, fanged behemoth concealed behind.
Rob paused, momentarily taken aback at the sight of a mundane creature within the divine realms. 'Mundane' in relative terms, anyway. This monster was on par with a newborn Blight, radiating power that would have sent ordinary fighters sprinting for the hills.
It was also barely cognizant of its surroundings. The monster stared at him with unblinking, vacant eyes, just the tiniest glimmer of awareness present in its gaze. Rob noted that segments of its flesh were bubbling, as if the creature was fresh out of the oven and still needed to settle.
He couldn't help but feel a modicum of pity. This was yet another thoughtless creation, condemned to existence by an uncaring maker. Even monsters deserved better than that.
Rob caved the beast's head in before it could realize that it was alive. Pity was not the same as hesitation, and this was the only mercy he could afford to grant right now.
Didn't matter. Kismet's pawn served its purpose. In the brief instant that Rob spent getting over his initial surprise, the god had teleported to safety. He was already planning his next stunt that could buy him a few precious seconds of survival.
The HUMAN grimaced as he turned to give chase, unable to suppress the burgeoning sense of unease growing within his chest.
It almost didn't seem fair to feel that way. Rob knew he was winning – at least on the surface. Any outside observer would've bet their life savings on him, especially after the show of overwhelming superiority he'd just displayed. Kismet had been at a disadvantage before Never Forget Your Rage's recent upswing, and now it was no contest. Rob was confident that he would still be stronger even if the eight gods merged into one super-deity.
He also knew that he was living on borrowed time.
Whenever he moved, or activated a Skill, or even breathed...the sensation was there. Strength accompanied by incongruous frailty. Like background noise that kept getting louder with every action he took. His body felt close to pulling itself apart, as if his very molecules were a hairsbreadth away from coming undone.
It was different from Soul Instability. Whereas that threatened to collapse his soul, this frailty was an affliction of the flesh. The longer he fought, the more his physical form was at risk of popping like a balloon.
Such was the price of constraining godlike power within a mortal shell.
"Stay back!" Unaware of the turmoil fermenting in his assailant's mind, Kismet threw up his hands and...inverted...space? Rob didn't have a name for what he was seeing. Rather than stopping to puzzle out this latest brand of divine bullshit, he sent out a pulse of Purge Divinity, canceling whatever esoteric effect Kismet had been attempting to produce.
His Purging energy scraped against the divine realms like a cheese grater. Five rifts immediately tore open near both Rob and Kismet, with the god anxiously retreating from one that appeared just inches away from him. A low rumble echoed around them, and for a moment, they felt struck by an abrupt feeling of vertigo – until the realms gradually stabilized, righting once more.
For now.
Rob eyed the rifts with a detached, clinical gaze. An endless sea of mana resided behind them; the bedrock of the system itself. While he recognized that the rifts tearing open was bad news, he also couldn't really muster the energy to care. Between his overflowing rage, overtaxed body, and overburdened soul, minor details like the impending destruction of reality were hard to give much focus.
There was a way to fix all of that, of course. Rob couldn't outright deactivate Never Forget Your Rage – not without losing its bonus stats. But he could attempt to ease the storm of fury in his heart. By lessening his anger to more reasonable levels, Never Forget Your Rage would put less strain on both his body and the divine realms.
The notion forced a peal of hideous laughter to claw out of his throat. Lessen his anger? He'd have better luck trying to douse a volcano with a garden hose. No. For a wildfire that had grown this out of control, the only thing to do was stand aside and let it burn, burn, burn.
Until naught remained.
"I said stay back!" Kismet bellowed. He lifted his arms into the air. "Begone!" One moment later, Rob's vision was filled with scorching light. An apocalyptic geyser of mana burst forth from underfoot, intense and searing. It stripped the flesh from his bones in no time flat, powering through Almighty Resistance with pure, unmitigated violence.
And it still wasn't fast enough. Rob flickered a Purge Divinity shield for just an instant, allowing him to escape the geyser with his upper body – and most of his HP – intact. Lifesurge swiftly patched him up, leaving both combatants right back where they'd started.
Slowly, Kismet lowered his hands. They were shivering. "What are you?" he whispered. "Why are all my efforts in vain?"
To be honest, Rob was mildly impressed that Kismet had held on for this long. The god's combat efficacy was increasing as time passed, improving from panic-spamming teleports to more inventive maneuvers – as if he was learning how to fight on-the-job. He'd also stopped draining the other gods to supplement his power, having found an alternative source of fuel: mana seeping out from the sporadically-opening rifts.
It was the one silver lining to fighting an implacable BERSERKER so powerful that he fractured reality. Whenever Rob utilized Purge Divinity, more rifts opened up in the realms, and more mana leaked out from inside. The gods had invested that energy into the system millennia ago, and it typically would've been off-limits until they closed up shop and left Elatra. Kismet was making use of it now, absorbing the extra mana to strengthen himself, like a lifeline barely keeping him afloat.
The god's tenacity was...calling it 'admirable' would be going too far, but it did warrant a sort of begrudging respect. As someone who'd tangoed with multiple Blights, Rob knew what it was like to square off against a frenzied beast that could end him with a touch.
Being the scary one was a nice change of pace.
In exchange, Kismet had graciously donned the role of their battle's Combat Class user; fragile, outgunned, and pulling improvised maneuvers out of his ass for a chance at victory. The god could finally feel what it was like to be vulnerable. How exciting! Rob was more than happy to assist. Learning experiences such as these only came around once an eternity or so.
Flippancy aside – while Kismet still possessed room for improvement, this was the most that could be asked of a deity who hadn't seen combat in literal eons. His biggest fuckup had been taunting Rob in the wrong ways, but he couldn't have known about Never Forget Your Rage, that was an excusable oversight. By all other accounts, Kismet was performing adequately.
Even so...
"YoU aRE noTHinG."
The sound of Rob's voice caused two fresh rifts to open up. Kismet flinched, casting a teleportation spell out of pure reflex. Without pause, the HUMAN resumed his hunt.
Nothing. Perhaps that statement was hyperbole – yet it rang true nonetheless. While Kismet may have been a creature of supreme divinity, on the field of battle, his pedigree meant nothing. In the face of an implacable, unstoppable foe, his power was worth nothing. Very soon, he would be nothing, consigned to oblivion by Purging energy.
Rob couldn't help but unfavorably compare Kismet to the final Blight. Weren't these supposed to be two sides of the same coin? Each one-half of an original transcendent Will? Yet the Second Will had brought Rob to the edge of despair...and Kismet was fleeing like a cornered rodent. It was difficult to reconcile the two divinities as theoretical equals.
Although he knew that was an unfair comparison. Rob had fought the Blight before learning Limit Break and Never Forget Your Rage. Kismet wasn't weak.
The HUMAN was just far too strong.
If he rematched the Second Will today, he would beat it to death with his bare hands.
"Look at what you've wrought!" Kismet swept an arm out, gesturing towards some of the many rifts that Rob's presence was tearing open. "Do you understand what will transpire if you persist in this folly?! If the divine realms shatter, then so will all of Elatra! You are on the brink of destroying everything which you have striven to protect! Cease this–"
"CAN'T."
In a flash, Rob dashed forward and scooped out a chunk of the god's mana-body with Purge Divinity. Before he could do more, Kismet shrieked with pain and teleported away, leaving the BERSERKER to crush his prize between five clenched fingers.
"FoRCed mY HAnD." He located Kismet again. "NO GOING BACK."
Stopping wasn't an option. If the divine realms crumbled and Elatra imploded...well, that would be a faster end than what the gods had in store for its people. At least this way their deaths would be quick and hopefully painless – and his friends wouldn't be turned into Skills tortured for all eternity.
Still, Kismet did have a point. Destroying reality wasn't exactly the ideal outcome. There had to be a way to speed up the conclusion of their fight. Rob was certain he would win if given enough time, but he couldn't guarantee it would be before either his body or the divine realms collapsed.
{Ascend.}
Like a snake slithering through a minefield, Leveling High skirted past the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions raging within Rob's mind. He attempted to tune out its voice, yet Humanity's curse refused to be denied, the static loudening until he was compelled to respond. Quit distracting me, he snapped. In case you haven't noticed, I'm FUCKING. BUSY.
{You seek to ensure victory over those who rule above,} Leveling High continued, without missing a step. {As do I.}
Then sit back, shut up, and–
{Ignoring your deficiencies will not make them disappear. This body is...feeble. Incomplete. Unfit to wield the power contained therein. Like a polished sword attached to a brittle hilt, liable to snap in twain at any moment.}
Rob grit his teeth. He couldn't deny Leveling High's assertions. Normally he'd just tell it to piss off, but considering how much was at stake here...
With a feeling like he'd sat down to deal with the devil, Rob sighed. Then what do you propose? That we upgrade my body somehow? I don't think putting more points into Vitality would help, even if I had any to spare. Me being so juiced up on stats is half the problem.
It shook its head. {You have far surpassed the limitations of mortality. Strengthening your power further would be akin to pouring water into an overflowing cup.}
So we...what, increase the size of the cup?
Static akin to laughter echoed inside his head. {We do away with it entirely.}
An icy chill began creeping up Rob's spine, as if the cold hands of fate were working their way towards his neck. He recalled a system notification from days before – 'Your Race has morphed from Human (?) to: Ascending HUMAN'.
Not Ascended. Ascending.
Weeks-old memories came surging to the forefront. 'The Heartkiller is closer to our form of life than those you call friends,' the Blight-child of Elysium had once said. 'As long as you continue to live, eventually, you will become an existence with the power to crush the Others and free the Skills from their shackles. You are no longer one of the Ephemeral. Now, you are a cocoon, metamorphosing into something grander. When you emerge, you will be as the Eternal.'
The Blight-child had laughed at him, then. 'After joining us, preserving these worlds will no longer be your desire.'
Rob grimaced. Denied, he flatly told Leveling High. Whatever you're about to suggest isn't happening.
It scoffed at him. {Your prejudices blind you. Do you think the gods have need of physical bodies? Does it hinder them in any capacity? No – the opposite. By definition, infinity cannot be constrained. Discard this useless flesh, and your conquest of the divine realms is assured.}
Maybe you didn't hear me when I said–
{By all means. Spurn my counsel...and condemn your friends to death. Shall their lives be worth it, in the end?}
Rob sucked in air through clenched teeth.
{Ascend.} Leveling High purred with anticipation. {You are bound by a prison of meat, bone, and blood. Break free. Finish what has already begun. Gaze upon the tapestry of infinity in all its dreadful splendor. Seize victory not as a Human, but as a completed, transcendent HUMAN.}
With a scream to drown out the static, Rob chased after Kismet again and again. The god was in full-on panic mode, eschewing offensive attacks in favor of perpetual retreat, focused wholly on keeping the BERSERKER as far away as possible. He would teleport the instant that Rob laid eyes on him, frantically stalling for his life.
It was – quite unintentionally – providing evidence to Leveling High's claims. If Kismet was on the defensive, catching him would take time they might not have.
I... Rob narrowed his eyes. How would I finish Ascending, anyway? It isn't like I can just flip a switch and make it happen.
{Incorrect.}
He blinked. WHAT?
{You have long since achieved the qualifications for true godhood,} Leveling High explained, in a lecturing tone. {There is no milestone that remains necessary to achieve. Rather than needing to overcome some hurdle of strength or power, the obstacle barring your path is more...arbitrary. Self-imposed.}
Humanity's curse seemed to peer into his soul. When it spoke next, its voice was filled with disgust. {You remain mortal because you wish to do so – both consciously and subconsciously. The Ascension of a nascent deity has been obstructed by cheap sentimentality.}
Rob almost started an argument over its usage of 'cheap', but he exercised restraint, keenly aware that there was bigger fish to fry. Can't do anything about the subconscious. I am \not* activating Melancholy Resistance.*
{Nor should you,} Leveling High remarked, shuddering at the prospect. {A grand statement of intent will be sufficient to shift your mentality. I believe...yes.}
The static churned like a hive of buzzing wasps. {When you next tear off a piece of the leader god's mana...even if just a sliver...devour it. Gorge yourself on their essence.}
Bile threatened to rise to the top of Rob's throat. Seems excessive, he mused, trying and failing to keep his tone lighthearted. To become a god, I eat a god? Wouldn't that make me a divine cannibal?
{You ARE a cannibal.} Leveling High's voice wavered, its veneer of helpfulness slipping to reveal the madness that lay beneath. {What do you think you've been DOING for nearly a YEAR? You kill, ingest your prey's Experience, and MAKE THEIR POWER YOUR OWN. This world is one of consumption and parasitism – devouring a god's essence is merely a more HONEST variant of THE SAME actions.}
...You clearly weren't paying attention during Diplomacy's PR lessons. Rob pursued Kismet once again, pressing his fingernails into his palms when the god hurriedly teleported away. There is such a thing as being too straightforward. If you want people to listen to you, then maybe dress up your words so they don't sound so horrifying.
{BUT AM I WRONG?}
Rob had no answer to that.
Bolts of divine mana peppered his skin. Kismet had barely managed to squeeze an attack in-between his escapes. The bolts ricocheted off Rob's skin like ping-pong balls, leaving minor scrapes and nothing more. It wasn't anywhere close to bypassing Almighty Resistance and his massive HP pool.
Yet it also reminded him of the mana-spears that Kismet had sent towards the rest of Riardin's Rangers. His Party members only possessed a shared, diluted version of Almighty Resistance, and their HP was a fraction of his. If Kismet aimed another attack of that caliber at them...how many would perish, right then and there?
Was Leveling High correct? What point was there to sentimentality if it just got his friends killed?
In truth, Rob knew that it didn't really matter if he completed his Ascension. Based on what he had planned for himself after the gods were dead, little would change either way. Still...he also knew that Ascending would be a one-way trip. No take-backs. If he went through with it, a fundamental part of him would be irrevocably altered.
Something twinged in a corner of his mind. It wasn't Leveling High, or his rage, or any of the other emotions currently dominating his headspace. This was a familiar friend; perhaps Rob's #1 most trusted confidant since he'd first set foot in Elatra. One that had rarely ever steered him wrong.
Paranoia.
And at the moment, it was telling him to be very careful before jumping into the deep end.
Ten teleports.
{What?}
Give it ten more Kismet teleports, Rob said. If I haven't dealt him a serious injury by then....I'll do what I need to do. He grimaced as Kismet vanished before he'd even finished the thought. Ten starting now.
Leveling High's static quieted. It resembled a patron at a restaurant who'd ordered their meal, and was waiting patiently for the main course to arrive.
Rob didn't waste time being offended over its nonchalance. Free of distractions, he immediately swept his gaze across the divine realms, pinpointing his quarry in a micro-instant. The BERSERKER dashed forward, pushing his body as far as he could, layering Rampages on top of Dexterity that made the laws of physics want to curl up and weep.
Kismet was prepared. He'd drawn more mana from the fractured rifts, quickening his speed and reactions. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep his head above water, not yet outpaced by their continually escalating arms race.
The HUMAN struck, the god fled, and both were left in the same position as before.
{One.}
Rob turned on a dime, charging without needing to look. He'd heard the moment that Kismet's teleport ended. It afforded him a split-second head start.
A gravity well suddenly appeared below his feet, as if a miniaturized black hole was weighing him down. Apparently, Kismet had set it up ahead of time as a just-in-case trap. Rob pierced through the spell's area of effect before it could ramp up to something dangerous, but his pace was slowed by a hair in the process, and his prey escaped.
{Two.}
You know what? Screw this. Rob whirled away from Kismet's newest location and blasted straight towards one of the lesser deities that his Party members were fighting.
He'd been too hung up on getting even with a hated foe – when there were seven other juicy morsels for him to play with. This way, Kismet would either sit back and watch as his allies were massacred, or the god would be forced to act instead of running like a goddamn cowar–
Sense Mana alerted Rob to magic gathering behind.
Pivoting, he leapt into the air. Rob superimposed himself in front of Kismet, bodyblocking the rainstorm of destructive mana that was about to be unleashed upon Riardin's Rangers.
Due to his swift response, the attack was released early. A simple Purge Divinity shield prevented him from incurring any damage. Rob still felt no sense of triumph as the mana dissipated around him. He just wasn't fast enough to kill the lesser gods and protect his Party at the same time – or at least not fast enough that he should gamble their lives on it.
Kismet disappearing a moment later didn't help matters either.
{Three.}
Frontal assaults weren't guaranteed to succeed, and targeting the other gods was a no-go. Could he take Kismet by surprise? Increase his Dexterity?
Rob contemplated mining Never Forget Your Rage for more stats, but swiftly vetoed the idea. His body was already struggling to hold itself together. Putting additional strain on a shaky foundation seemed...unwise.
Plus – at the risk of eating crow in the near future – he didn't actually think it was possible to feel angrier at the gods than he was right now. Seriously, what was left?
He hated them for sending him to a fantasy deathworld. He hated them for tormenting his friends and family. He hated them for being partially responsible for the Blight. He hated them for what they'd done to Elatra and Earth. He hated them for all the lives they'd stolen. He hated them for being the living embodiments of indifference and cruelty. He hated that they fostered good PR among the people they oppressed. He hated how monsters of such craven hypocrisy were also immeasurably powerful. He hated the sensation of divine mana crawling on his skin. He hated the unsettling sound of their voices. He hated their bizarre formless appearances. He hated them for being pompous pricks. He hated whenever they tried to relate to him. He hated whenever they didn't.
Most of all, he hated that they were still alive.
Even if he found out that they'd personally antagonized him since birth or some petty nonsense like that, it wouldn't measure up to the litany of transgressions they'd committed thus far. The blazing inferno within his soul could burn no hotter. Should burn no hotter. For his sanity's sake, if nothing else.
Kismet teleported. It wasn't in response to anything. He'd merely anticipated some sort of action – and was then baffled afterwards when he noticed the rampaging BERSERKER standing quietly in deep thought.
{Four.}
Rob advanced. While he didn't have a plan yet, he'd also learned that if he gave Kismet the slightest amount of breathing room, bad things tended to happen.
Can any of my Skills give me an edge? Unfortunately, he didn't think so. As usual, his lack of ranged options was biting him in the ass when it mattered most. Almost everything he could use required getting in close – which was the whole freaking problem – and none would be more effective than Purge Divinity, regardless.
Maybe I could set up a Waymark point, then catch Kismet's teleport with one of mine...no, that won't work either. The odds of him popping in next to a random Waymark point are slim. Could fill the battlefield with lots of Marks, but even then I have to consider the Skill's activation time. With my current Dexterity, it'd honestly be faster just to run at him.
The vast majority of his abilities simply weren't up to par in a clash with divinity. Limit Break, Purge Divinity, and Never Forget Your Rage had been specifically designed by the Skills to facilitate deicide. Something like Power Slash couldn't possibly compare to jailbroken stats and a touch of death.
As an act of defiance against his own logic, he cast Enmity, the only ability that could feasibly hit Kismet at range. The god casually shrugged off its effect before promptly escaping.
{Five.}
Like a frustrated animal, Rob snarled and gave chase. Just need to keep trying. Kismet isn't perfect.
{Six.}
Sooner or later, he's going to mess up.
{Seven.}
He's going to mess up.
{Eight.}
HE HAS TO MESS UP.
Suddenly, Kismet transformed his right hand into a blade of mana. With one harsh motion, he sliced open his own left arm.
By now, Rob had conditioned himself to never stop moving forward, even if something shocked him – which this sight very much did. His mouth dropped open, and Leveling High paused in the middle of eating its metaphorical popcorn. They still kept advancing without an iota of hesitation.
And ran straight into the mana cloud leaking out from Kismet's wound.
Rob blinked, opening his eyes to a wonderful day. The twisting plains looked dazzlingly beautiful, with fauna and plantlife lit by rays of effervescent light from the twin stars shining above. People cheerfully went about their day, happily shaking their trunks in shows of greeting, or rattling their scales to initiate merry games.
All was at peace.
Until – in unison – everyone froze. The tumult of life went quiet in an instant, replaced with pensive silence.
As if they'd been struck by the creeping, pervasive sensation of being watched.
A sound rang out. Half of them immediately fell over dead, fluids gushing from their ruined bodies.
The survivors could only lay there, crippled and in pain, as more people slowly rose into the air. Invisible fingers seemed to pluck them from the ground – and then began ripping off their limbs, one at a time, like a child dissecting butterflies–
Rob dragged himself back to the present.
It had taken much less time than before to recognize what was happening. Now that he knew what to expect, experiencing the remnant souls' lives wasn't so different from the dreamlike quality of an Attunement vision. Although...realizing that he'd witnessed the end of a world preceding Elatra did cause his thoughts to hitch for a single moment.
Which was just enough for Kismet to forge a spear of mana, then send it plunging through Rob's eye, skull, and brain. Its tip was forged to shred anything it touched, no matter how durable or Resistant.
The god whooped with glee – only to wince as the HUMAN's sole reaction was a long, drawn-out sigh. With an air of exasperation, he reached up and yanked the divine spear free with a nauseating splorch.
His eye had been reduced to a seeping red mess. He closed its eyelid. When he opened it again, the orb within had already Regenerated, now sporting an unamused glare.
It was something of a unique moment. Mid-battle events didn't typically leave both combatants feeling disheartened. The all-powerful god was losing faith that he could ever hope to stop Rob's onslaught...
And the BERSERKER didn't know if he could justify continuing on like this. His body still felt like it was pulling itself apart; if anything, the sensation was growing more pronounced as their battle progressed. While Kismet would make a fatal mistake eventually, Rob couldn't guarantee that he would last long enough to capitalize on it.
Unless he followed Leveling High's advice and–
With a howl that shook the divine realms, Rob launched his stolen spear at Kismet. His aim was true, yet it sailed through empty air, the god's afterimage tauntingly fading away.
{Nine.}
Final chance.
​
--
​
Link to Part 2

I don’t know why, but I always seem to accept the fact that I am attracted to someone, and usually they are pursuing with me something before I am with them. Or, sometimes, Anyway. Though this time I just am attracted to someone but I don’t really know if I should just ignore it or like make a move. It’s weird because it doesn’t really consume me to the point of jealousy like some of my last crushes did. Although, I wouldn’t say it was jealousy on my end I was struggling with, but the fact that many of them would befriend and wonder about certain people who were weirdly obsessed with me…like I was dating members of a secret hate club on me. This person though is just on my mind a lot since my third or fifth interaction with them. and I feel really peaceful after accepting I have a crush on them, but it also worries me because I am in a situation in life that I almost don’t have control over…so maybe it’s not about the boy and it’s just about me being able to accept that sometimes life’s struggles are bound to be, and with them I have to let go and accept other pleasures of life. Like maybbbee liking someone? But also, letting go completely scares me because I have really weird dreams at night, along w odd situations and real life awake encounters and I’d almost rather just be taught or told what all the oddness is about. Because I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of very strange things. I wish I didn’t and it was just a puzzle, but no matter what I do someone likes to make it seem like I am the fault to the weirdness in their life. Maybe that’s what’s happening with this newfound crush of mine. Whatever it is, I just hope they are not a complete secret hater of mine. I’m really tired of it. I just want someone who genuinely gets me and is like my other half. I’m not sure if those things are real in life. But I’m tired of the unfunny flirting. I have a feeling if something does happen with them, that it would involve that. And I might laugh just bc he makes me feel kinda giddy but I also just feel like it may be my fault if there isn’t any maturity to the relationship. Although, might I say, the energy he came at me with was very steadfast and persistent so you can’t blame me for falling for that. It’s almost like he was taught to hunt people and then once he spots his hunter he learns to turn them into friend. Idk how to explain it. Just he’s a cutie pie. But my exact height maybe a bit taller and it just gives me ptsd back to when I was dating this boy in jh/hs. And YES real ptsd. I’m not just throwing it around. I don’t want to have flashbacks of the guy anymore. I also don’t want to just accept someone as a partner if they aren’t even attracted to me or it’s some weird “duty to god” for them. Anyway, I’m not your project or his. I just want to share something good about my life without being called a name. Not looking for advice even. Just I believe I should be allowed that right since I’m steady listening to other people about their’s.

About 3 years ago I discovered my wife was cheating on me with a co worker of hers. It was what I guess you would call an emotional friend. I won't get in to the details of how I found out but after confronting her a few times over a few months she finally turned around and ended things with that person. At the same time many issues she had with me came to light and were brought up as reasons for what she did. I took all of this to heart, wanted my marriage to work, and agreed with many of her concerns. This led to a period of reconciliation between us where we we really working on things, and our relationship, love life, etc. was as good as it had been in a while. Things seemed good, I knew she was genuinely remorseful too.
That good period lasted for 9 months or so and then I noticed a change in her behavior towards me. She wanted to be out of the house more, do more things on her own, etc. This was coming out of covid so of course I understood, and supported her as I was fully committed to making things work for her as much as I could. During this time I began hearing about a new employee of hers though. His name always seemed to come up when talking about where she'd been, baseball, things for work, etc. Normal stuff, all good but coming out of being cheated on and the residual affects of that, hearing the same guys name a lot raised a lot of flags.
I expressed my concerns over this which led to a lot of defensiveness but insistence that things were good. I noticed our romantic life began to suffer during this time too, not non existent but very sporadic and noticeably different. More defensives when it came up. Generally she was much more withdrawn, emotionless towards me, just different. I also noticed my wife on her phone texting more, a bad habit from the first instance of cheating, and she always seemed to be texting with this employee. This continued throughout a couple vacations we took, constant texting, taking selfies, etc. She continued to spend more time out and later hours at work during this time too. I raised my specific concerns multiple times, tried to express I was feeling isolated, etc, but the friendship continued.
Things came to a head around that christmas. She became very angry when I again brought up my concerns. During this time she became very resistant and unwilling to make decisions together, make plans, spend time together, ets. and her mood towards me really seemed to change for the worse. I asked about marriage counselling and we did begin attending during this time. This was about a year ago and our love life ended at that time too at her insistence. So we attended counselling for about 3 months, both of us were honest and shared but after a while she pulled away from that. She became very angry and resentful, dissociated from her family and mine during this time too. Brought up past resentments with how they'd treated her in the past. Just overall very angry and negative.
The friendship continued, with her continued insistence it was innocent. over the past year I've noticed some periods of time where shes spent less time with him, less texting, but I mean any amount of it I hope people would understand is harmful to me. Things never went away though and she'd make a show of saying shes with him, etc. or he'd be there with others just so I knew she wasn't hiding anything. I feel my concerns are valid, especially given our past issues and my genuine efforts to work on the marriage and on self improvement.
Recently though on the topic of self improvement I've been noticing a big chasm between how others around me (coworkers, family, etc.) react to me and how my wife does. I feel I'm a very positive person and others react very well to this but my wife maintains this strong wall against me despite my self improvement and consistently more positive behavior in our marriage over several years now, citing past behavior on my part that led to the first affair. This has become harder and harder for me to live with. I despearately want to make my marriage work, for myself, our kids and for every other normal reason. There is just so much to lose and I know I could contribute to a good marriage if we both wanted to work towards one.
She refuses to do that though. Cites past behaviour. But stays in the marriage, etc. It hasnt added up for a while. Why the abject refusal to at least try working on things when were still together with no plans not to be? Like why not at least try. Start with small things, low stakes at the start, build the trust, etc. Doesn't make sense. So recently I've started noticing things and I've found proof after 2 years of this that she has recently been lying about spending time with this employee. Business trip inconsistencies, etc. Scrap notes talking about cuddling, etc, being kissed on the forehead, holding hands, etc. with him when she was supposed to be elsewhere with other people.
So I confronted her with my feelings that something about her recent trip doesn't add up. Can she prove she was where she said she was. I know she cant. She became extremely angry, defensive, threats to leave the marriage, to walk out over me going there. It was bad. I never laid my cards fully out though to prove I know she's lying. I wanted to see if she would admit to anything, she won't. Still insists her friendship with this person has been significantly reduced (it hasn't, again I have proof of lying and that its inappropriate). I'm not sure if its sexual, but there is a clear emotionally supportive friendship happening that is definitely walking the line.
We're at the point now where we are talking separation for the summer. So I can work on my trust issues (yeah again I'm the cause of everything). Part of me feels its ok to try. She says shes still open minded to work on things if a separation helps to improve things but she won't commit. Theres clearly a lot of gas lighting here. I'm torn if this is even worth it or if I'm out of hope. Again there is so much to lose. I love this person so much and know it could work if we were focused on the same things. And of course the impact to my kids that I desperately want to avoid. I understand the emotional cheating is to fill something she wasn't getting from me in the past. But again, lots of self improvement on my part over years now and she has acknowledged I've changed for the better and can be a good husband. But refuses to work on things (despite being together) or to even tell me what she needs different. All I get is that she's traumatized from the past.
I'm looking for advice here. I know what I'm describing is a situation most would walk away from or even not let get this far. But here I am several years later. My strong conviction and desire is to try to earn a chance to make it work together, until the wheels fall off. But I also know I'm at the end of the road now. Am I right to keep trying this last ditch effort? Or am I being misled in it too. I'm so stressed, confused and have been carrying this for years. I know most of the replies will be blunt and that I should leave her, end things, start over. But I'm looking for any advice out there too that could help me stay on the path I've been on, I still have some hope. Please help. I need reassurance I'm still on the right path.

DISCLAIMER: I am new to this. I am not trying to incite violence between secular groups of Christianity. I am simply seeking advice and help from others who have learned in their walk with God. I am curious and want to learn. I have a lot of questions and only want people to reply who have good intentions to help me understand than to talk down on my faith. This is going to be a long post. I thank you in advance for your patience.
So I’ve recently found my way back to God in a way I never have before. I reached an incredibly low point of my life and He was there when nothing else was. While I grew up protestant and going to church I fell out for a long time. I never really read scripture outside of Sunday school when my family would go, and my brother is a non believer entirely now. I struggled with doubt and fell in and out with my faith repeatedly as my life grew more complex. My father died violently and young a few years ago but he was a believer and I questioned how could my God let this happen. I devoted my life to science and medicine and lost sight of my faith in that in combination with all of this. Yet now, I realized my actions had grown so sinful I needed to make a change and I decided to seek God. Now, for the first time in my life I’m reading my Bible, truly, chronologically. My fiancée is supportive of me and the relationship I’m trying to build with Him but I need some guidance.
I’m towards the end of the Books of Moses but I’ve come to a few conclusions I never have before and not all of them are altogether comforting. The Bible teaches us that Jesus is all powerful, loving, and forgiving. Yet what they don’t teach on Sundays that God, in by that, He (Jesus) is also terrifying. He names himself Jealous in Exodus. He is wrathful. He kills for disobedience and I know I have certainly broken more than one of his over 600 laws in the Old Testament. I’ve repented before the Lord, I’ve changed my life, changed my habits and while I struggle to stick to that change I try each and every day and have decided to put forth an effort to build my relationship with God. But I’m still plagued with questions now more than ever, yet now they’re in a sense of I want to understand rather than doubt.
Am I to follow Jesus or know my God? I pray to God in the name of the Son, but who is my relationship with the Son or the Father? Which is God if not both in combination with the Holy Spirit? When I pray which aspect am I praying to? Jesus taught us to pray to our Heavenly Father in his name but I’ve always called myself a follower of Christ. Yet now in my reading I feel as though my relationship should be directed to the Father though I know I can only know him through the Son? I want to have a stronger relationship with Him, but I feel as though I’m failing through sheer ignorance. I want to be hungry for His word, but I feel lesser that I’m almost burnt out or feeling desperate from the OT. I try to pray but I don’t think I’m very good at it and never know what to say aside from the Lord’s Prayer.
But now with all of this I’m learning that the Catholic Church is the church left behind in Jesus’ wake so should I not be a Catholic if I’m truly to follow Scripture to the letter? But the Bible also doesn’t mention intercession with reverence to saints? I thought I was only ever to pray to God and anything else was heresy? Or for another example, if I repent to the Lord why should I need to go to confession to do so? Catholicism teaches to have a relationship with Mary but shouldn’t that be reserved for Jesus Christ? My heart tells me I should be a Catholic based on what I’ve read but so many practices seem contradictory to how I was raised im not sure anymore.
I understand at the end of the day that my faith is to trust and believe that Jesus Christ is my lord and savior, that through him and him alone is the way the truth and the life and that without him I am nothing. But I guess my question is how do I know which denomination to pick? There are many contemporary practices of some Protestant churches that seem to contradict the Bible in some ways but there are also Catholic teachings that seem foreign or strange to me. Purgatory? Saint worship seems almost like pseudo idolatry? The pope being infallible and a line to the disciples ? I’m confused and right now altogether frightened by the God I am coming to know in my study and want to do my best to Follow his word but don’t know how best to do so.
I just want to do the right thing and feel as though these questions are best suited for a Priest but I’m Not sure how to have that conversation with one or how to even set up a time to discuss all of this.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, for your patience with me and my questions, your sincerity, and your input.
May God bless you.

I 31f am frustrated w/my 30m husband. His bday is comin up so I got him a camera for his bday. Now he kinda had to know I was gettin it because the whole point of it was to film fishing videos4 YT. I didnt tell him what I got exactly just told him I was lookin around for him &wanted to bounce ideas off him for either a bday present or F Day. Now he figured out I got it because he looked on zon & saw it was delivered. So just under 2weeks from his bday I let him have it so he could figure out how to use it. I just asked he wouldnt let any1 see it because our son is excited to give it to him &his parents know what I got him. Now he works MonFri 4am4pm and sometimes a random Sat but he avoids that as much as possible. I am a SAHM/author. We have 2 kids b7 and a g3. He worked 5hrs on Sat& came home to record gamin vids for YT. He told me was going to record fishing vids on Sun morn I said fine but get it all set up so you can just take it with you ready to go on Sunday. He told me no he will just take everything& figure it out there. I told him that was silly and to just to figure it out now so he can just go fish. He told me no he just wanted to finish his game& go2 bed. I again pushed w/ a little attitude that he was being ridiculous& to just set it up now. So our son & his parents wouldnt see it when he left in the morn. He just said fine im not going fishing& went to bed. In the morn we kind of made up. I explained y I was so frustrated & he seemed 2 understood. After lunch I locked myself in the bedroom 4alone time. Lately w/all of our g3 therapy & test she had done I’ve been burnt out. From getting up and driving hubs to work, getting the kids up for the day. Bring oldest 2skool, do therapy w/g3 drive to pick oldest up at the end of the day. To going to pick up hubs from work coming home. Making dinner everyone’s lunches for the next day &HW. Hubs used to drive to work but his car got repo. So now I drive everyone every where. When I expressed my burn out we talked& I asked for a day I could have sometime to myself to recharge and to work on my books. I got my alone time for almost 2hrs before he unlocked the door and let the kids come in.This was the first time I wasnt workin during my alone time. I wasnt feeling good so I was just laying in the dark deciding if I should take a nap. Well he let the g3& him in the room& goes on his games. Later just before bed I over hear him talking to his parents about a part that cam w/ the camera I got him. I yell his name he asks what’s up. I just tell him u should know.& left it at that. I didnt want to argue in front of his parents or our kids. When we were alone I told him what I was mad about. His only response was well the kids dont know. Then after a while of me not talking to him he asked if I wasn’t talking to him. I responded w/ r u done disrespectin me? He didn comment on that but just asked if was going to take out his work clothes for him. I didnt .

Hi, everyone. As the title of the post reads, how do I finally let go of being a student and just start living only? I’m 29 years old, graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Nursing back in 2018, and shortly after went back to obtain two Master’s degrees in Nursing and Science (2021 and 2023, respectively). I consider myself a lifelong learner and love being in an academic environment. There is so much out there that interests me. However, I don’t like the fact that I have spent a lot of money on schooling and it takes a lot of my time. When I’m not working, I’m in class, and vice versa. There has been very little time for my friends, and I feel a lot of them are focused now on their own lives. I miss being in my early 20s and just studying and not having to worry about work. I would always hangout with friends, go to concerts and bars, explore parks and go hiking, you name it. But ever since graduation in 2018, it seems like a lot of my friends from college have drifted into the whole “I’m getting married and having kids” ordeal that everyone in their early 20s is doing now. Maybe i’m lonely, or maybe i’m just not adapting to adulthood well. I make good money and have a stable career as an RN, but I just can’t seem to 100% let go of school and really live. Do you think this is just my outlet or way of trying to cope with what is happening in life? Any thoughts or advice?

The library, a sanctum of knowledge, and the last bastion that you resided in when avoiding the bullies in your lives. None really ever dared step into your domain you liked to think. In reality most of them just didn't know such a place existed
It changed one day. Your reading spot was missing a book. Determined to find the answer you start combing over the library's halls
You see your book first. Stacked on top of a pile. Then you see her. A large mane of red hair swept back over her shoulders. As she shifts you catch a glimpse of a crimson skin
"Wait? Crimson skin?" You think to yourself "that can't be right" Shaking your head you move around the table, still keeping out of sight, you do confirm that her skin is indeed a beautiful shade of red
A little red of your own rushing into your checks, you see something sparkle on the table as the figure let's out a sigh and slumps her head on the table. One arm under her head and the other dancing over a sparkling figure on the table
You recognize the figure, but surely it can't be, why would this person be playing with a...
"Why can't I just think up a good name for this dragon" the lady says, making the figure fly around her hand "he's the big villan and needs a good name"
She sighs and dismisses the dragon, a fading tiny roar being the last sign, as she picks up a book flipping through its pages. You recognize the book. You have the same copy
The Dungeon Masters Handbook
She mutters to herself as she flips through the book. "What to name what to name" she leans back with s sigh "guess I could just steal a name. But what from? They'd know Smaug, and id be laughed from the table if i did Alduin" she says to herself. A wave of her hand bringing the figure back to circle around her eyes
As the figure flys you see her armor in the background. The blue and gold standing out amongst the dark wood and paper around it. Scales glitter on the surface and the large jewel set in the center give you an Egyptian vibe
Suddenly a dragon appears in the center of the opening. Falling down you kick yourself away. Only to realize the dragon isn't moving at all
You hear a chair scrape against the floors as she stands and walks around her dragon. "He's red. So something with fire, he's a ruler so something with that"
"Ra" ripples through your mind. Seconds later she lights up "Ra! That's it!" She claps and pumps her fists. You laugh to yourself, getting up and moving around, "it's almost as if she read my mind"
"Did I think of that" her face twists into a frown as she waves the dragon away "im almost certain I didn't. Or I did a while ago. It just didn't seem like a good idea untill..." turning and seeing you her eye, you realize she only has one, opens wide
Looking between you and the books on the table her checks somehow turn redder. With a wave of her hand a large Kopesh on a staff is pointed at you. A flare of fire marking its arrival
A flare of fire in a dry paper filled environment.
A rush of fire takes over the table. You both scramble to pat it out with your cloaks, paper and plastic minaratures going everywhere as you savagely beat the flames down
Once they are contained you turn to see a sheepish look on her face "are you crazy!" Your voice raises, angered over someone dareing to almost hurt your books "summoning fire in a library?" She's looking at the table, looking at ehat she is your voice fades out as you see a pile of singed paper
Paper sitting behind the screen
Tears start to come from her eyes as she sees her work destroyed by her own actions. The quiet sob that escapes her lips is almost enough to break your heart
Determined to help this stranger that just held you at Kopesh point and then almost torched the two of you. Scurring off to your nook you dig through some scrolls till you see it sticking out from your bag
Grabing the whole thing you dig the scroll out as you come back to see her picking up the peices, rushing in you grab the singed peices and start laying them together, ignoring her protests
Reading from the scroll you start channeling your Psychic ability as the paper starts to Smolder. Untill it bursts into flames. But these look weird, like their burning in reverse
Slowly the paper keeps burning itself back into existence, powered by your spell alone it rewrites itself untill it extengishes and you collapse
Into a pair of waiting arms. Her arms. Looking up at her face you feel your face warm as you realize that this stranger is drop dead gorgeous, likes DnD, and is holding you in her arms.
Your face turns almost as red as hers. Her lips move but you can't hear anything over the sound of your own heart "can you repeat that?" You ask as you force your heart to slow
"My name is Magnolia, I'm thankful for your help" she says tucking a strand of her hair back into place "your welcome!" You blurt out as you scramble to your feet. Not knowing what to say you blurt out "Ra is a good name, maybe make the dragon a bit more bird like, feathers and a beak" tumble out of your mouth in a single breath
She looks at you funny as she realizes what you are saying. A medium sized dragon fitting your description appears on the table "like this?" She asks, concentrating on getting your description right
"Yes that looks great, sure to strike fear into the heart of any adventure" seeing a sense of pride on her face. Causing you to fluster even harder.
You turn, heading back to disappear into the bookshelves and conducting an experiment on if it's possible to die of embarrassment, only for her voice to ring out behind you "wait" she calls after you
Turning to see her face, she waves a hand to the only chair standing around the table, the wobbling showing it just returned to standing, "I was going to have an NPC for this game, it could be easier and cooler if you could run them" she says a hint of pink showing on her cheeks
You hesitate, the Inteovert in your head screaming and the lover in your heart hearing wedding bells, you imagine your heart leaping into your head and throwing your brain out of your head and pushing the control rods all the way forward
"I would love to" she smiles as she waves her hand, a small figure appearing on the game board
A figure that is a beautiful replica of you
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Of everyone I've read, the one I'm most consistently reminded of day-to-day is Dostoevsky. This isn't because I spend too much time on dostoevsky (I do) but because the news is constantly filled with what I've come to call examples of "possession" - people acting against their better judgement and often their own self-interest in spectacular ways.
Just from the last day's page from news:

• Man sentenced for an attack on a US democrat's spouse
• K-pop fans sending death threats to media for exposing a scandal
• A man sets a French synagogue on fire

(The news is also riddled with examples that make Ivan's Rebellion pale in comparison but that's for another day.)
And obviously there are the more enduring examples:

• the 'culture wars' in the US
• the partisanship around the Gaza war
• "ideologically motivated" attacks, often perpetrated by marginalised young men
• valorisation and demonisation of high profile individuals
• activism and doing ABC in the name of XYZ

Obviously this topic isn't new to Dostoevsky - Notes, C&P, Demons, and TBK all have some germ of this.
But I was keen to get thoughts on how relevant FMD's work still is, in light of all this. How complete do people think his thoughts are around it (they're not) and where are the gaps? Who else have you read has been helpful navigating the topic?
The obvious gaps for me in FMD's work is his general optimism. Raskolnikov repents, Svidrigailov and Smerdyakov go to America, Demons is a farce, Stavrogin confesses. Napoleon didn't repent and history is full of people who haven't. FMD underestimated humanity's stomach. But also it doesn't always help to compartmentalise on 'ideological reasons' as that line is getting blurrier (kill the rich).
There's the dilemma of being true to oneself, e.g. "to go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's" - which I could see many of you appreciate is terrible advice. It underscores the importance of critical thinking but also the relative difficulty of it, e.g. am I really going my "own way"? Moreover, is it enough?
I still fall back to Camus sometimes for his thoughts on this from The Plague - rather than any single sweeping philosophy, he stresses the importance of kindness in the face of the unknown and treading carefully ("No, we should go forward, groping our way through the darkness, stumbling perhaps at times, and try to do what good lay in our power").
At the end of TBK, FMD stresses the importance of the family unit and love in forming a well-adjusted next generation, and others have echoed this (I'm currently getting through Steinbeck's "East of Eden"). This is one that was originally lost on me on my first reading, but I see it everywhere now (youth crime, general crime, terror events, bad manners). "Going one's own way" is important once it's fully formed; family sets that up, and until maturity it's generally helpful to err on kindness.
Then there's the question of education - and I think FMD either outright misses this or glosses over it because he was riling against the Europen intellectualism of the time, but I don't think it can be ignored. Love is plenty but is it ever enough? Would 2 parts love to 1 part education be better than its reciprocal? 9 to 1? Maybe you raise well-adjusted boys who are just less suicidal when they're finally charmed by some smooth-talking heel - but maybe that's still better than an orphan looking for any family they can be part of. The examples above certainly don't come from one demographic.
I'll stop there for the moment.
I realise this is a bit of a ramble, but I've been keen for a while now on getting people's thoughts on how Dostoevsky's thinking is still very relevant today. I think fanaticism is one topic that's still very relevant that you don't specifically have to be atheist/theist to appreciate.

Evergreen, a rather welcoming name. Perfect for a land full of calm, peace and beauty. Evergreen in this case is the name of a vast kingdom. This kingdom is an incredibly complicated but majestic land and its people as well. Now sit back, relax and enjoy as I tell you about Evergreen.
First of all, where did Evergreen come from? Well the most early evidence of anyone living here was over 8000 years ago though if you truly think about it it could be as far back as 50 000 years. You see, the oldest trace of civilization in the kingdom is a large ancient hotel in the center of Heatherlea. No other building outdated this and that record is still held up to this day. The actual date of foundation of the kingdom is completely unknown and absolutely no one can tell when it could ever be because of the incredibly vague amount of information on anything before the recorded history of Evergreen. Though not everyone is so clueless, one person may know the answer on the timeline and that is The One Hundred.
You may be asking who this One Hundred person is. He is the oldest person in Evergreen and supposedly some sort of God. Very little is known about him but all that is known is whoever this person is, they are the most powerful in the kingdom.
Now I think you’ve heard enough about the kingdom itself and the basics on it now why don’t we get to work on actually unraveling this massive mystery. But with so many things to explain, how can this ever have an order? Well that’s very easy to do, this is a catalog of everything to know on the topic of Evergreen. Let’s begin.
Cities of Evergreen
Evergreen is the main city of the kingdom, it is used as a capital as well as the largest megalopolis of the city. Though in Scriptorium, the language of Evergreen, they don’t have terms for city, megalopolis or metropolis. So to them everything is a settlement, village or town. In this kingdom the size of a village does not matter only its population and Evergreen having over 1 000 000 people living in it, it’s considered the largest village in the kingdom. Which is quite a fitting label for the capital of such a large kingdom. Though not only Heatherlea contains an important building. Evergreen has the Main Hall and Steffy’s Mansion, both constructions are very important because they contain Aletine. Aletine is a rare gem that will be explained later on but for now all you need to know on Aletine is that it is very rare and very precious. The buildings each have an arch constructed fully of this material.
The whispers of Evergreen
Not everyone in Evergreen is happy with what they know about the kingdom. Certain things are very secretive and though on the outside it seems like a perfect place it is shrouded in mystery and entangled in a web of unknown like a huge tapestry of mystery. The people of the villages are mostly happy with how everything is going except for one thing. They want to know more about the village’s origin. You see, Steffy, The One Hundred, Heathotel and Aletinian do not want too much information to escape into the public’s hands. A disquiet hums beneath the seemingly idyllic surface of Evergreen. Whispers flit through bustling marketplaces, hinting at an enigmatic past shrouded in secrecy. Kept under lock and key by Steffy and the other main powers of Evergreen, the population never ceases to speculate what they could be hiding. Is it a secret civilization before us? Or could it be that Aletine is the secret to the lost time? No matter what the citizens say not one word has been spoken by anyone in control. And there is a good reason behind all of that which will be explained later on.
Architecture and style of Evergreen and it’s settlements
A warped image of Evergreen is fabricated when you dig deeper than what’s on the idyllic surface of Evergreen. But the kingdom is still a majestic land. Its architecture is primarily biomimicry as the villagers are very connected to their surroundings and the flora that they share the world with. The respect for nature in Evergreen is reflected everywhere, in the architecture, in the culture, celebrations and many more subtle depictions. The style that the land has adopted over the millenia is a very calming one, they believe in living life to its fullest so the architects try to make things as pleasant to live in as possible in almost every way possible. You will never find any hostile architecture in the city as its capital status means that it must show a good example for the other settlements to follow. However, the pervasive calmness of Evergreen's architecture raises questions. Could this serene aesthetic be a deliberate ploy? Is biomimicry a way to mask the secrets hidden beneath the tranquil surface? The One Hundred, with their knowledge of the lost civilization and the interdimensional threat, may have a vested interest in maintaining this facade of idyllic peace. Steffy, with his atmosphirec gem of unknown origin, might also find solace in the calming influence of these biomimicry structures. No one can know for sure but until more is learned why not enjoy centuries of perfected design and let the peacefulness wash over you as you stroll through the markets and quiet neighborhoods of the town.
The rest of the settlements
Evergreen does not have that many large towns, only about 4 main ones, Evergreen, Azalea, Heatherlea and Islafield. Those main towns are surrounded by much smaller ones but the main focus is on the four towns above.
Islafield
Islafield is, as the name suggests, mostly for farming hence the ‘field” in its name. The town is near a lake also named Isla The lake is used for fishing as well as a way to water the crops of the town. This majestic town is the main source of nourishment for the entire kingdom with 60% of its land consisting of fields and crops. The kingdom contains 5.6 million inhabitants which is a vast amount of mouths to feed and according to the way Steffy wants to run the kingdom, everyone should have the same chance with life per se he just doesn’t want anyone to starve or die before their time that is the primary reason why he allowed Islafield to become such a large producer of food. He would usually want people to get their produce from the same town in which they live in though since he has 5.6 million people to feed he made the exception that Islafield can export its harvest to the other towns. Other than the beautiful fields of flowers and crops Islafield doesn’t really hold much interest in the eye of the population of Evergreen. Though it is considered the most naturally beautiful town in the kingdom, its beauty does not help it much with population, it has been on a decline ever since the vault of Aletine became public knowledge. Perhaps the Aletinians, a secretive cult entrusted with crafting tools made of Aletine, might hold knowledge about this strange and sudden decline. Despite the dwindling population, Islafield remains a vital part of Evergreen. However, its idyllic facade now masks a layer of intrigue, begging the question: is Islafield truly just a farming town, or is it a cornerstone in a larger, undisclosed operation of the Aletinians?
Heatherlea, a town of beauty and intrigue
Heatherlea, nestled in Evergreen's north, throbs with a unique energy.This bustling town transforms into the kingdom's prime tourist destination during warmer months, welcoming an influx of 700,000 visitors. The undeniable allure? The enigmatic Ancient Hotel, an 8000-year-old structure, the oldest human-made wonder in Evergreen. However, Heatherlea's charm extends beyond the Ancient Hotel.,underneath the ancient hotel hides a vault. The most secure place in the entire kingdom. Inside of that vault is a supply of Aletine. Since Aletine is only found in that singular spot underneath the hotel a vault was built around the mine to keep everyone out of there given how precious Aletine is.Other than its main attractions, its marketplace features the kingdom's tallest stand, showcasing the rare blue and orange Heatherberry. Yet, the exclusivity of these berries in Heatherlea raises questions. Found primarily in the south, their presence here seems curiously deliberate. Is it simply a marketing ploy, or could it be part of a larger scheme? Heatherlea's vibrancy and tourist appeal are undeniable, but a disquieting question lingers: is it a genuine haven, or a meticulously crafted facade designed to distract from the secrets buried beneath the surface?
Azalea, a town shrouded in floral mystery
Azalea is known for one reason, if you look closely at its name you will notice that it contains the name of a flower. Azalea is named after the rhododendron by the same name, Azalea. This specific flower only grows in the town for unknown reasons and once again the reason for the flower's appearance in this one part of the kingdom is gatekeeped by the main powers The One Hundred, Steffy with his atmosphirec gem, and the Aletinians, each with their vested interests in the mysteries of Evergreen, all seem particularly invested in keeping the reason for the Azalea's exclusivity under wraps. Intriguingly, Azalea attracts a disproportionate number of Aletine sellers, who use the flower's beauty to showcase their wares. Why this specific town, rather than a more prominent location? Could there be a connection between the Azalea's unique properties and the Aletine gem? The motives of the sellers remain shrouded in secrecy, adding another layer to the mysteries swirling around Azalea and deepen the mystery of Evergreen.
Shadows in Evergreen: Unveiling the Kingdom's Cults
Evergreen's power structure extends beyond the readily apparent figures like Steffy and The One Hundred. Shrouded in secrecy, a network of cults weaves its influence through the kingdom. While some, like the Aletinians, maintain a relatively benign presence, crafting tools from the enigmatic Aletine, others operate with a more veiled agenda. The Heathotels, shrouded in mystery themselves, stand out for their potential hostility. Their enigmatic purpose and unknown connection to the Aletinians, an exclusive society rumored to possess knowledge on the craftsmanship of Aletine weapons, fuel speculation about their true motives. Do they cover the Aletine's power for their own gain, or are they safeguarding Evergreen from a yet-unknown threat? The secrecy surrounding these cults casts a long shadow, leaving the question unanswered: are they guardians or hidden dangers lurking within the kingdom's idyllic facade? The Heathotels: Enigmatic guardians of the ancient stone The heathotels are a mostly harmless cult. They are in charge of the protection of the Ancient Hotel and are the only ones who have full access to the vault containing all the Aletine. They seem to worship the hotel itself and treat Aletine adorned objects with the same respect as they would do to Steffy himself. They are highly secretive with the reasons on why they respect the precious stone so much and what connection they seem to have with the ancient hotel. While the other power players, like The One Hundred and Steffy himself, strive to keep the Heathotels' activities shrouded, their efforts only heighten the intrigue. This raises the question, if the Heathotels are truly a benign force, why such a concerted effort to conceal their practices? The Heathotels' enigmatic presence throws a long shadow, leaving the question unanswered: are they protectors of the Aletine and the Ancient Hotel, or are they guardians of a far deeper secret? The Aletinians: Sworn Crafters of Aletine Wonders Among Evergreen's enigmatic factions, the Aletinians occupy a distinct position. Eschewing the rigid structure of traditional cults, they follow a oath instead of a set of rules.The specifics of this oath remain a closely guarded secret, fueling endless whispers and speculation. The Aletinians, as their name suggests, possess a unique bond with Aletine. Interestingly they do not worship the Aletine but instead they treat it with reverence, viewing it less as an object and more as a potent material.The true purpose of the Aletinians is to forge everything that is created out of Aletine. They are hand picked, allegedly to safeguard the kingdom's precious Aletine supply, to ensure the safety of the kingdom’s supply of this majestic gem they can only be of a certain sanity. Once again the villagers have their own theories, whispers abound about an Aletine-infused substance used in the selection process, a method to ensure only the "worthy" wield the gem's power.Though to be granted the incredible privilege of handling Aletine directly is very prestigious as only 30 people have the privilege of handling the precious Aletine. But many things are still unclear with them as well. Why do these artisans operate outside the Ancient Hotel, traveling all the way to Azalea to practice their craft? And why, despite their seemingly benign nature, does Steffy strive to keep them hidden from the public eye? The Aletinians remain a captivating enigma, their purpose and connection to Azalea hinting at a deeper role within Evergreen's veiled secrets. The Nevergreen: Shadows Reaching for Forbidden Power In stark contrast to the Aletinians, who utilize Aletine for crafting, stands the enigmatic Nevergreen cult. Driven by a sinister agenda, they seek to weaponize the gem's power, a truth known only to Steffy and The One Hundred. Whispers abound of their attempts to breach the Aletine mine's containment, a reckless act that some speculate triggered a deadly conflict, the War Of Gods, shrouded in secrecy. Steffy himself, it seems, remains unaware of the Nevergreen's potential role in this ancient war. He and The One Hundred instead attribute it to a nebulous embodiment of darkness. The Nevergreen also strive to make the deepest secrets of Evergreen public knowledge. They are the reason why the Aletine vault became known to the villagers of Evergreen. The One Hundred and Steffy tried to cover it up by saying that the villagers deserved to know the truth of where the Aletine came from. But in reality it was an elaborate plan birthed by the leader of the Nevergreen. The identity of the Nevergreen's leader is a captivating mystery. Villagers whisper of a connection to Steffy's ancient enemy, this enigmatic embodiment of darkness. They are also rumored to have connections to the mysterious interdimensional threat looming over the kingdom, a danger only The One Hundred seems fully aware of. This raises the question, if The One Hundred knows everything about Evergreen, why do they still remain passive? Are they truly guardians, or are they somehow entangled within the complex web woven by the Nevergreen?
Gleams of Forbidden light and beauty Aletine, gem of untold power Aletine, a captivating gem shrouded in mystery, sits at the heart of Evergreen's enigmatic power structure. Its existence fuels whispers, speculation, and a fierce struggle for control amongst the kingdom's secretive factions. Here, we delve into the mystery concerning this precious stone. First of all, what are the origins of Aletine? Evergreen's bustling streets are rife with speculation regarding Aletine's origins. Villagers, known for their colorful theories, theorize that it is a form of interdimensional material, arrived here at the mysterious cataclysmic event that destroyed everything. Rumors abound of a ripped veil between dimensions, spewing Aletine into Evergreen while leaving devastation in its wake. While most of these village tales are dismissed as mere flights of fancy, the recent revelation of the Aletine vault beneath the Ancient Hotel has given some credence to the notion of an extraordinary origin. However, the truth remains shrouded in secrecy. Only Steffy and the other powerful factions possess any concrete knowledge about Aletine's arrival in Evergreen. Unveiling Aletine: Myth and Reality Clash The truth behind Aletine shatters some village myths while confirming others. While not interdimensional as some theorized, the gem undeniably originates from beyond Evergreen's reality. Its arrival coincided with the cataclysmic event that reshaped the kingdom, a truth only The One Hundred truly understands. This revelation validates a part of the villagers' extravagant theories, a devastating event did occur. However, it disproves the notion of a dimensional tear bringing Aletine here.The gem's origins remain shrouded in secrecy, fueling speculation about the civilization it hailed from. Unveiling the Secrets of Aletine Aletine is the most precious and most protected thing in all of the kingdom. The amount of secrecy surrounding Aletine is almost enough to rival the secrecy surrounding The One Hundred. With so much secrecy surrounding the gem you might be wondering why it is such a big secret. Well as explained before Aletine is hidden under the ancient hotel, the oldest building in Evergreen. Located beneath the ancient hotel, the oldest structure in the kingdom, Aletine predates all other known resources. The exact date of its arrival remains locked away in the archives of The One Hundred, who possess the sole understanding of its properties. Historically, they reveal information only in dire circumstances to safeguard the kingdom. Steffy's mansion and the main hall boast massive Aletine arches, a testament to the gem's power: repelling dark energy and matter. Steffy had the arch built in his mansion after the battle with The Embodiment of Darkness. The gem releases an aura around it stopping anything that contains darkness from passing through whatever it is built in. The shape of the arch is also a key detail to securing the room at the maximum. The arch shape lets the aura bounce off of it and spread to the rest of the mansion but in smaller quantities. Steffy and The One Hundred are the only two who possess this key information about Aletine. Aletine's potential extends beyond this defensive ability. Could it hold further, untapped properties? The possibility of weaponizing this powerful gem remains a question with potentially far-reaching consequences. Aletine’s connections Aletine is not only known to Steffy and The One Hundred. The public knows about this gem as well but so do all the cults in Evergreen. The Heathotels’s archives contain the largest collection of knowledge on Aletine other than what Steffy and The One Hundred know. A single, crucial truth about Aletine's connection to an interdimensional entity eludes even Steffy. Only The One Hundred and the enigmatic leader of the Heathotels are privy to this knowledge. Aletine is connected to some other worldly being. Since its roots can be traced to outside of Evergreen’s world, there must be some other civilisation that made contact with the gem before the Great End. Another thing to take into perspective is that Aletine is one of the oldest substances in the world. Its age could suggest a lost civilization predating the cataclysmic "Great End." Could this civilization have been the first to harness Aletine's power? The gem's connection to another world fuels this speculation. Aletine has undoubtedly passed through countless hands over millennia. Are the Aletinians, with their oath of secrecy, truly in control? Or is Steffy merely a pawn in a larger game? Perhaps a hidden organization, like a rogue faction within The One Hundred or a descendant of the lost civilization, manipulates events from the shadows. The question of who truly controls Aletine lies at the heart of Evergreen's mysteries. Aletine’s potentials Aletine reigns supreme as Evergreen's most potent gem, rivaled only by the enigmatic atmospheric gem. It has many magical properties,Its most celebrated property being the fact that it can repel dark energy and dark matter which came in handy during the War Of Gods. It can also be used for a multitude of different things. One of the most outstanding creations with Aletine is the arches in the Main hall and Steffy’s mansion. They are guarding the archives which contain precious and secretive documents on Evergreen as well as artifacts that have not been exposed to the public. With so many possible uses for Aletine only a select few are actually used. The Aletinians have been told only 6 times in the last century to forge weapons out of Aletine. With those orders coming straight from Steffy himself. With the looming interdimensional threat it is highly likely that a war will start in the next millennium. Who will be the 2 sides is still a mystery. Steffy is also worried about a rebellion, Aletine has caused unrest in the villages which have caused small riots and raids of the libraries and archives yet all of them end in failure. It is another very likely possibility that a civil war will start in the next few hundred years. The main powers may be aware of this and are preparing to defend themselves if this possibility becomes a reality. Yet, the question lingers: with Aletine's apparent defensive capabilities and no documented harm to Evergreen, why such secrecy? Are the powers hiding something more sinister? Could they be preparing for a threat far greater than a civil war, a threat hinted at by the whispers of an interdimensional entity connected to Aletine? Lempty, a gem of mysterious beauty Lempty gems, with their captivating light blue hue and characteristically rough, quadrilateral edges, are a ubiquitous presence in Evergreen. Lempty is not much of a very interesting gem. It is mostly used for decorative purposes and not very much in weapon smithing.Though it has a lack of properties, It has very famous use, Steffy himself has a 5000 year old Lempty encrusted egg. It is originally made out of the bedrock of Evergreen, Eslud, with a few pieces of Lempty embedded in it’s surface. Even with such a useless facade with no redeeming qualities, it is still widely used in architecture especially in the northern villages to portray the cold and the snow that those villages usually experience. Lempty can be found in almost every mine in Evergreen, since it is very widespread it has a very small value. Compared to Aletine it is 7 000 000x less valuable. Since it is so cheap it can be found in almost every piece of jewelry and almost every building contains even a bit of Lempty. Rumors of Lempty's untapped potential for healing pique curiosity. Though currently as mere folklore, such mystery raises intriguing questions. Is Lempty truly just a decorative gem, or is there more to its story? Perhaps Steffy's undying devotion to the Lempty egg holds the key to unlocking its secrets. The parasitic presence of Lempty throughout Evergreen hints at a potential significance waiting to be discovered. Eslud, the foundation of Evergreen Eslud reigns supreme as the most common stone in Evergreen. It literally forms the foundation of the world, as the very mines themselves are carved from this versatile material. Eslud is used most commonly in construction since it can resist high temperatures and immense amounts of pressure. The only interesting property of Eslud is that no matter how much pressure is on it, it stays flexible allowing for buildings made out of it to withstand high winds and earth-shattering quakes. It is also the stone of choice when making heirlooms since it can withstand so much damage keeping the heirloom good as new for generations. The most famous example of this is the 3000 year old Eslud box that has been passed down as the Retule family heirloom. More than just a common stone, Eslud embodies the resilience and unwavering spirit that lies at the heart of Evergreen itself. Atmospheric gem, a power of nature The atmospheric gem is the true rarest gem in Evergreen as it is only found in one place, on the tip of Steffy’s magical staff. It has the power to control the atmosphere hence the name atmospheric gem, thanks to its power to control the atmosphere, Steffy chose this gem as his crystal of choice to harness its magical properties. Though Steffy never found this gem in nature since it is a mix between Aletine, Lempty and Celusi. The exact process of how the Atmospheric gem came into existence is still a closely guarded secret with only Steffy and The One Hundred knowing how the gem was fabricated. The exact origins of the Atmospheric Gem remain a closely guarded secret. While Steffy acknowledges the possibility of finding such a gem naturally in a faraway corner of the universe, he downplays the chances of it existing on Evergreen. It takes intense heat and pressure to let it form correctly and there were many failed attempts to create Atmopsheric with the failures themselves playing a crucial role in the final product. It is quite obvious what Atmospheric does, however, how it achieves this control remains a mystery. Steffy and The One Hundred keep the details shrouded in secrecy. This secrecy fuels speculation: what truly powers the gem, and what drove Steffy to dedicate over a century to crafting it for a seemingly limited ability to control the weather? Could there be a grander purpose behind its creation, a power yet to be revealed? Celusi, the geriatric gem of Tyrlosuh Celusi is one of the rarest gems in the kingdom rivaled only by Aletine. It can only be found in Heatherlea, usually near a patch of heatherberry; studies have shown that the heatherberry benefits from the light residue that emanates from the Celusi. The major families of Evergreen usually have a reserve of Celusi to pay the more hefty fines as well as create new heirlooms for each generation. Unlike the highly sought-after Aletine, Celusi possesses no outwardly magical properties, at least to the casual observer. Steffy and the other major powers seem largely uninterested in the gem. Yet, a single, magnificent purple Celusi, a rarity in its own right, resides with the Tyrlosuh family, one of Evergreen's wealthiest and most prominent lineages, containing almost 250 current living descendants and over 10 generations are currently in the lineage which means they’re are 140 year old people in the family. Botinelosi, is the oldest person in the family standing at 164 years old and is the first person to ever use Celusi in the art of crafting. He stumbled across it while mining in the outskirts of Heatherlea near the village where the family originated, affectionately also named Tyrlosuh. Steffy originally seized control of the mine where Botinelosi found it. The quick seizure of the mine raised suspicion on the properties of Celusi. Steffy eventually allowed Botinelosi to have full control over the mine. Rumors spread through the kingdom like a wildfire, Botinelosi's silence on the matter, coupled with the Tyrlosuh family's secrecy, fuels the rumors. What truth are they hiding? Could Celusi's beauty mask a more significant purpose, a power that rivals even Aletine's? Polompty, a concoction of nature Polompty, a breathtaking gem with an allure unlike any other, shimmers with the colors of Lempty, accented by veins of Eslud embedded deep within its interior. It also comes from the same location as Celusi, near the Tyrlosuh village. By taking its location into consideration it may lead you to believe that Polompty is simply an underdeveloped version of Celusi, which is what Botinelosi originally believed when first discovering it in the abandoned Reveras mine right near the Tyrlosuh mine. Polompty was originally put under extensive studies to discover more information on it, all the studies ended up coming with one answer: Polompty is a marvel of nature, a harmonious blend of 6 different stones and gems. Which explains the presence of Eslud in its core as well as the colors of Lempty. Since it has such a strange yet intriguing beauty it captivated crafters's curiosity which caused an influx of its use to fabricate jewelry. However when Lomi, daughter of Botinelosi, became head of the family the mine was closed off to the public and all sales of Polompty stopped causing shockwaves in the gem market, sparking the infamous Polompty rush. The Polompty rush, a desperate search After Lomi shut down the mine, the supply of Polompty slowly trickled to a stop. Lomi's aged father, Botinelosi, allowed his son Bisel to sell the remaining stones stored in the Tyrlosuh archives. With the Polompty market back on its feet, the family had satiated the market’s hunger. However, Lomi had a different vision for the family's future. She declared her son, Utigo, as her heir, bypassing Bisel's claim. Bisel sadly accepted to avoid being ostracized by the family ending the power struggle for the leadership of the Tyrlosuh lineage. The gem market, unable to sway Lomi, eventually turned its attention elsewhere. It wasn't long before the Retule family, sworn rivals of the Tyrlosuh family, discovered a small grove of Polompty near their Heatherberry fields. With the supply restored, markets everywhere flourished and the Polompty rush ended. This new source rekindled the market for three years, until this supply dwindled as well. Now, with both sources depleted and demand still high, a question lingers: Why did Lomi close the mine, causing economic turmoil? Does she possess knowledge of a hidden danger associated with Polompty, or is there a deeper secret to this extraordinary gem's origin? Families of Evergreen, cults in disguise Tyrlosuh family, from gemstone guardians to fallen shadows The Tyrlosuh family is the largest and wealthiest family in the entire history of the kingdom, they originate from Heatherlea and their family founder is Botinesoli and his loving wife Temorla Tyrlosuh who had 2 children, Lomi Tyrlosuh and Bisel Tyrlosuh. Bisel was originally the next heir for the head of the Tyrlosuh family but after Lomi took power as the first heir she decided to declare her son Ugito as the next heir. Bisel accepted his fate to never be head of the family to avoid being exiled by Lomi. With her decision she completely bypassed Bisel’s bloodline from the lineage, completely extinguishing any chance for any of his descendants to ever ascend to the title of head of family. Though this has never been done in the family, Lomi received backlash from both family members as well as the public as this was seen as an unforgivable act of treason to her own blood. With her destructive decision she removed over 30 descendants from having the last name Tyrlosuh. Bisel’s new family line, the Bisenoty, decided to declare a familial war against the Tyrlosuh. Sparking the Biserlosuh familial war. The Biserlosuh Familial war After Bisel declared a familial war against the Lomi, the population of Azalea and the, affectionately named, Tyrlosuh town, started to pick sides. At the time Bisel had the most support by the villagers considering Lomi was the cause of the Polompty rush. Which brought both fortune and misfortune, and had threatened to burn villager’s houses unless they followed her orders as their new leader, which sowed distrust between the populace. The war was not particularly disastrous since it was between 2 armies of around 400 people. Though the amount of lives lost caused an impact in the surrounding area and sent a shockwave in the gem trade market since the Tyrlosuh family were the largest exporters of stones and gems. Both families ended up losing a combined 86 members, 21 from the Bisenoty family leaving only 13 people left and the rest were from the Tyrlosuh family. This disaster would leave over 1300 civilians injured and over 700 dead, it also caused the partial destruction of the town of Tyrlosuh and the complete destruction of the Bisenoty town. Though not only the family’s town were left in ruin, entire neighborhoods of Azalea were utterly ravaged thanks to the supporters of the 2 families. With Evergreen on the brink of a civil war, Steffy himself had to step in and end the war. Though his attempts failed and the war continued for another 2 years before Lomi and Bisel decided to end the battle for the safety of the kingdom as more and more supporters began to sprout and begin fighting in the other towns. With Evergreen on the brink of absolute and utter chaos, Evergreen’s main entrances were shut down and the capital went into lockdown as protests arose, those protests leading into more chaos with the 2 sides arguing and fighting right outside the Main Hall. The Tyrlosuh archives were burned, the Tyrlosuh and the Reveras mines caved in in certain parts and the majority of the Tyrlosuh made jewelry was either sold to another crafter or destroyed entirely sending hundreds of thousands of objects into the Gray Realm causing a widespread jewelry shortage as well as worries on the safety of the Gray realm. After the war ended the Tyrlosuh family was fined 400 pieces of Celusi and their entire Polompty fortune was seized by the Heathotels. Downfall of the Tyrlosuh After the end of the Biserlosuh war, the Tyrlosuh family lost control over the Polompty mine, the majority of their Celusi hoard, their archive was burned to the ground and their hometown was partially in ruins. With Lomi’s dictatorship over the family and her undying hate for the Bisenoty family as well as the Retule family, she forced the Bisenoty family, which was ravaged by the war, to merge back into the Tyrlosuh family name, unifying the rivals and stopping any further familial civil wars from happening. Bisel decided to step down from the lineage and instead become the first person in the history of Evergreen to not be part of a family, whether it is big or small. With Bisel now gone Lomi had no one to challenge her in her dictatorship of the Tyrlosuh family. Until Botinelosi, founder of the family, decided that the lineage had embarrassed itself enough and removed Lomi as ruler. But Lomi refused and since Botinelosi was in his early 160s he couldn’t fight back against her and allowed her to continue her rule. The public had already lost interest in the family and was now fully against it destroying any hope of any new ruler to repair the damage caused by Lomi’s reckless decisions. The Tyrlosuh family, once revered, now exists as a cautionary tale. Their fall from grace serves as a stark reminder of the dangers of unchecked ambition and the devastating consequences of family discord. However, whispers still linger. Is Lomi truly broken, or is she biding her time, waiting for the opportunity to reclaim her lost glory? And what secrets lie buried beneath the ashes of the Tyrlosuh archives? The answers to these questions may hold the key to the Tyrlosuh family's redemption or their complete downfall. Retule family, fruit fanatics or fantasy fighters? The Retule family stands as a beacon of peace in the often-turbulent world of Evergreen. Unlike their gem-obsessed counterparts, the Tyrlosuh, the Retules view conflict with a deep aversion. Witnessing the devastation of the Biserlosuh War solidified their pacifistic stance. They famously disarmed themselves, donating all their Aletine weaponry to the Aletinians. But they still needed to make a profit, so their founder, Ruservi, created the Reveras mine right near the future area for the Tyrlosuh mine. Ruservi was the first person to explore and exploit that part of the kingdom since it was usually used as a tourist attraction for the rest of the towns to visit the lovely northern flora. He eventually discovered a cave which led into a large cluster of Celusi, which eventually led him to create the Reveras mine to mine out this new source of gems for the kingdom. After extensive testing his scholars noticed that Celusi had positive benefits to Heatherberry and enhanced its growth which led Ruservi to found the largest Heatherberry farm in the history of the kingdom. He led the family into a fruit empire for 140 years until he grew too old to lead the family anymore, at his 178th cycle he decided that his son Rymo would become the new leader of the Retule family. This decision came after the end of the Biserlosuh war which started a large change of ruler in many sections of the kingdom, families were giving way to new rulers and the cults were discussing the leaderships. Steffy decided to join in the massive leadership change adding new managers into the departments and a new Head Librarian into the archives. By the end of the leadership changing era Ruservi had already been ruler of the Retule family for a few months, during those few months he had commissioned the construction of a new town for the Retule family and everyone else who wanted to live there. Though this new project was a cover up for a more devious plot, he was in fact commissioning the Aletinians to forge Lempty weapons for his descendants, which caused distrust in the family after news of this plan came into the light. This revelation cast a shadow over the family's pacifistic ideals. Was Ruservi preparing for a war he alone foresaw? Or was there another, undisclosed reason for the clandestine weapon production? These questions continue to plague the Retules, a family caught between their commitment to peace and the shadows of a hidden agenda. Gatosi family, shadows of the kingdom Hidden within the bustling kingdom of Evergreen lies the Gatosi family, shrouded in secrecy and wielding a power unseen. The Gatosi are in charge of the safety of the archives which explains their secrecy and low popularity amongst the populace of Evergreen. They do not have any famous appearance nor have they ever participated in a war since their founding 3000 years ago. Their founder, Guvn, created the family after he noticed the amount of hate that the concealed archives would get from the public. Forever haunted by the everlasting threat of misuse in the archives. He decided to found a new family that would be in charge of protecting these archives and maintaining their secrecy. But considering the fact that Guvn founded the family over 3000 years ago it means he is long dead, he was 343 at the time of his death which leaves him as the longest serving Head Of Family in the history of the kingdom. They originally were treated with hate because the archives were seen as a threat thousands of years ago. But nowadays the archives are a staple in the culture of Evergreen. Captivating the public’s knowledge on what could be hiding in those labyrinth-like buildings. Now, nestled away in the secluded neighborhoods of Islafield, the Gatosi cultivate their unique Yoern vegetables, rumored to enhance mental clarity, a necessity for navigating the labyrinthine archives. While whispers of their reclusive nature follow them, the Gatosis family silently fulfills their role, the shadows of the kingdom their only companions. Fruits of Evergreen, source of nourishment and mystery Heatherberry The humble heatherberry is a ubiquitous presence in Evergreen's northern villages, especially Heatherlea, its namesake. This incredibly common fruit harbors a rare variant, the purple and orange heatherberry found only in one singular farm in Heatherlea. The farm’s owner has kept their identity to protect this incredibly rare variant of heatherberry. The whispers of Evergreen have always condensed into a wide array of conspiracy theories, in this case they believe that the heatherberry is a mystical edible stone that was brought to the kingdom from the forgotten civilization before Evergreen. Despite repeated debunking. A plethora of people still believe that this outlandish theory is true. The purple and orange heatherberry has been widely known for its rarity but also for its properties. The purple and orange heatherberry has been subject to multiple tests, including Eshwar Mestec’s famous 7676AGE experiments. Controversy and mystery cling to the heatherberry, yet it remains the kingdom's beloved snack, a daily indulgence for an impressive 96% of the population.
If you took the time to read everything please give me feedback or some sort of constructive criticism please

My GF and I have been together for three years. The beginning was good as all relationships are, some red flags but I ignored them due to Covid happening and generally busy at work and in life. I grew up in LA and she is from Mexico.
Over the past six months though my mental and overall well being has gone down slightly. Now, there are a lot of moving parts but I’m beginning to think this is tied heavily to my relationship but don’t know if I’m using that as a crutch or if it’s factual, this is why I am asking Reddit. I need advice from people I don’t know and will likely never meet, an honest opinion without guilt or etc.
Two years ago is when it really started. We were living in the same city as my family. I was close to them to a degree but nothing crazy. She began to blame every issue I have on my family almost like a therapist or something, that everything I was having a problem with was all tied to how I was raised, my family, etc. She didn’t like most of my friends and as you can guess, we moved away. I lost contact with most of my friends by falling through on them and time passing. I almost never speak with my family given she gets furious if I do. She threatens to leave and I had to even change their names in my phone to different names in case they call. I feel isolated a bit and I am always asked where I’m going and can’t be away for too long unless I’m working as she’ll get jealous and likely make it a big thing. For two years I have not met one friend for a drink or ever gone anywhere with any friend or even a guy, none.
She had been married in the past and I don’t know if this is affecting this or what it is, but I feel like this is an issue.
We also completely stopped affection almost a year ago, nothing. I think it’s cause I’m around her too much and she doesn’t get the independent feeling anymore, but idk, it’s a big issue and given the issues surrounding our relationship, I’m looking at other women and she gets jealous, even though she’s not intimate with me. She does not work as I provide and pay for everything. Most of her time is spent at home and with her dog who she takes out regularly throughout the day.
Everytime I’m around her I just feel exhausted, bothered, and like I have to walk on eggshells. There is a part of me that still looks back to the past and remembers the good, but I can’t get myself to breakup with her.
There has been a few physical things and a lot of verbal from her in the past year and she blames it on me. It happened due to arguments about seeing my family, not making decisions for our relationship and life, and in regard to the sex and other women thing (though I would never cheat). I feel myself esteem and confidence rubbed due to this or maybe I’m just looking for something to blame?
There are other things too but I don’t any redditors to fall sleep on my post. The main question I’m asking is whether a relationship could heavily impact my thinking and mental health?
If anyone has advice or any offshoot replies, I would greatly appreciate the time and energy
Thank you Reddit
Tl;dr

When he was splitting at the hotel he said You don't tell your spouse to fuck off and call names This is what HE DID. Total projection
He also brought up me cheating on my first husband --- when I was 17
When we got to the airport he said I still have your back.... Likewhat??? I said you have never had my back and you don't kniw what that means...this is 4 hours after he threatened me
When we got to home, he tried to caress my ear as I bent down and then smiled with thar gleam in his eye when I looked at him. He was trying to smooth it all over. Smooth over threatening me and calling me cunt pos and whatever else it was was
When I tried to talk to him at the hotel, after the blow up in the car, he took off his ring and said I'll be with you but I'm not doing this marriage game anymore. It's confusing. You know it was never gonna happen. This right here. I'm trying to parse that out. Was it future faking or was he thinking we would never actually get married. I think the latter. He had just said days before we have to get your last name changed. And he made some comment to a driver about not getting married in Vegas. I think he thought we might? Idk wtf even...you can't know what's going g in I their head.
In October HE called off our wedding....when he split hard. I just never picked it back up again.
I truly think a huge part of this episode was probably fear of engulfment as well as grief and guilt from his sister's death. He made this happen, self sabotage. Things were too good. He was too happy. Have to take the first opportunity to ruin everything.
Funny a few days ago he posted the song everything's ruined by faith no more. Part of him knows he did it.

OVERVIEW
The Wall of Sheep would like to announce a call for presentations at DEF CON 32 in Las Vegas, NV from Thursday, August 8th to Sunday, August 11th. Packet Hacking Village Talks goal is to deliver talks that increase security awareness and provide skills that can be immediately applied after the conference. Our audience ranges from those who are new to security to the most seasoned practitioners in the security industry. We are accepting submissions from individuals and organizations on any of the topic areas, including, but not limited to, the following technologies and applications:

• AI and Machine Learning in Security: Impacts on network and operating system security; use in deploying and defending networks.
• Awareness: Security awareness program success and failure stories.
• Cloud Security: Hacks and tricks for assessing and testing services.
• Compliance: How to use regulatory compliance requirements in your favor to enhance your overall funding and security posture.
• Networking and Cybersecurity: The latest hacks, trends and technologies in networking and cybersecurity.
• Spy-level makeup art (e.g., wigs, prosthetic noses, etc.)
• Supply Chain Security: Building security into the supply chain process to reduce risk.
• Threat Defense: Advanced techniques for defending networks, systems, and services from cyberthreats.
• Tools, Techniques, and Procedures: network sniffing, intrusion detection, monitoring, forensics, DFIR log analysis, collection & visualization, threat hunting, EDR telemetry, lolbin's for defense, detecting download cradles, using the ATT&CK framework for defense, Incident response process and procedures and/or recovery, automation

DEF CON attracts a wide range of technological skill sets, presentations need to be accessible, with explanatory information to help the audience understand.
The Wall of Sheep will not accept product or vendor related pitches. If your talk is a thinly-veiled advertisement for a product or service your company is offering, please do not apply! We will also not accept talks that have been given elsewhere, including at DEF CON / Black Hat / BSides.
All accepted talks will be announced, recorded, and published by Aries Security, LLC. and DEF CON Communications, Inc. Please see our YouTube channel for all talks from previous years: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnL9S5Wv_dNvO381slSA06w and https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6Om9kAkl32dWlDSNlDS9Iw.
The Call for Presentations will close on Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM PST. The list of talks will be finalized and published on Friday, June 7th.
SPEAKING FORMAT --UPDATED FOR DEF CON 32
Each presentation slot is 1 hour maximum, including time for Q&A. If we have time and it is in line with our goals mentioned above, then there is a good chance you will be selected.
Presentations will be part of DEF CON's new "Creator Stages". Although presenters will not receive a DEF CON speaker badge, they will receive a human badge and additional identification as village speakers. Presentations will also be recorded and shared on DEF CON's media servers and YouTube. Additionally, we do not recommend live demos. Pre-recorded demos are preferred.
To submit a presentation, please provide the following information in the form below to cfp2024[at]wallofsheep[dot]com
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This text will be used for the website and printed materials and should be written in the third person. Cover any professional history that is relevant to the presentation, including past jobs, tools that you have written, etc. Let people know who you are and why you are qualified to speak on your topic. Presentations that are submitted without biographies will not be considered.
Detailed Outline:
You must provide a detailed outline containing the main points and navigation through your talk. Show how you intend to begin, where you intend to lead the audience and how you plan to get there. The outline may be provided in a separate attachment and may be as simple as a text file or as detailed as a "bare bones" presentation. The better your outline then the better we are able to best review your presentation against other submissions (and the higher chance you have of being accepted). SUBMISSION NOTE: Presentations that are submitted without abstracts, outlines, or speaker bios (e.g., that have only PDFs, PPTs, or white papers attached or only point to a URL) will not be considered.
Supporting File(s):
Additional supporting materials such as code, white papers, proof of concept, etc. should be sent along with this email to cfp2024[at]wallofsheep[dot]com. Note that additional files that may help in the selection process should be included. We are not asking for a complete presentation for this initial submission. That will only be required if you are selected for presenting.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
By submitting you agree to the Terms and Conditions below. Please read and accept these terms by inserting your name in the appropriate area, otherwise your application will be considered incomplete and returned to you.
Grant of Copyright Use
I warrant that the above work has not been previously published elsewhere, or if it has, that I have obtained permission for its publication by DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. and that I will promptly supply DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. with wording for crediting the original publication and copyright owner. If I am selected for presentation, I hereby give DEF CON Communications, Inc. and Aries Security, LLC. permission to duplicate, record and redistribute this presentation, which includes, but is not limited to, the conference proceedings, conference CD, video, audio, and hand-outs to the conference attendees for educational, on-line, and all other purposes.
Terms of Speaking Requirements

1. I will submit a completed (and possibly updated) presentation and a reference to all of the tool(s), law(s), Web sites and/or publications referenced to at the end of my talk and as described in this CFP submission by noon PST, July 30th, 2024. Please note this is a hard deadline as presentation and details need to be sumitted to DEF CON.
   
2. I will submit a final Abstract and Biography to the Wall of Sheep by noon PST, July 30th, 2024. Please note this is a hard deadline as presentation and details need to be sumitted to DEF CON.
   
3. I will include a detailed bibliography as either a separate document or included within the presentation of all resources cited and/or used in my presentation.
   
4. I will complete my presentation within the time allocated to me --not running over the time allocation.
   
5. I understand that I will be responsible for my own hotel and travel expenses.
   

Yes, I, (insert primary speaker name), have read and agree to the Grant of Copyright Use.
I, (insert your name here), have read and understand and agree to the terms as detailed in the Agreement to Terms of Speaking Requirements.
In the case that a speaker is a child under the age of 13 years old: in compliance with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) regulations, http://www.coppa.org, any child under age 13 must have parental consent for the collection, use, or disclosure of that child's personal information by a website. Parent/Guardian Consent: I (insert parent/guardian's name here) am the parent or guardian of the minos named above. I have read and understand and agree to the terms as detailed in the Agreement to Terms of Speaking Requirements.

I (18M) just don't know what to do. For years now, I've been struggling with whether I actually had close friends or if everyone just put up with me (for context I am on the spectrum and sometimes don't notice social clues. It's slight, but it does sometimes make me wonder). Sometimes over the years I got addicted to YouTube and watched it as much as possible, but I'm better now. Recently however, a string of strange things have made me worry even more then before. My biggest fear however, is that this is the start of me becoming a toxic person who thinks no-one really cares about them and I don't want to be a bad person (I do know that my family cares about me however).
I've always been good a making friends, but not close ones. Always the friendship either deteriorates or we just text one in a while. Things over the years have been tough on the social side. The only people that ever texted me first were my family or once my girlfriend (now ex). If I don't sent text messages to my friends then I will get nothing. Sometimes I think that half my contacts have ghosted me, and that makes me worried that I did something wrong or the such. The last time I've been invited to an event from one of my many friends was about 7 years ago, no birthday parties or even an ask to hangout. Sometimes I ask and I go, but for most of the time I feel like an A-hole for jumping in and asking.
Now all this has boiled in my mind for a while, but only like once every 2 months did it actually bother me to the point of self doubts. However, the past few weeks have made it all bubble up. I should say for context it's almost time for graduation, and that has been the main source of my perceived or not troubles. The other day I sat down to listen to a friend practice a speech, and then was shooed away! I thought maybe it was because I was a guy, then seconds later after leaving another friend(male this time) sat down to listen and was allowed to stay! I was told please don’t (for sitting down) serval times until I left.
First, I have not gotten a single graduation invitation, even though most of my friends are graduating with me. I’ve seen some of my friends give invitations to mutual friends that are also graduating. It hurt but I didn’t say anything. And finally for the last thing that was recent, one of my teachers had our class each make a paper with our name on it, and then we went around the room writing sincere complements about each other. Everyone else, and I mean everyone, had their papers filled to the brim with stuff, spilling onto the back. I got the least by a long shot. I barely had about a dozen, and my paper was so bare. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but man it hurt.
I don’t know what’s going on or how to fix it. I want to know if it’s all in my head, if I’m a bad person to get to know and if so, I want to know how to change, or if this is a mental health problem. If it’s just my friends, then advice would help as well. As stated before I don’t want to be a bad person and I want a healthy social life. Any advice would be helpful and thanks for reading this long scroll of text.
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I have been in a relationship with a brother for one year with the intention of being married one day. Although we like each other very much and he has promised me marriage, we do have issues occasionally that result in me becoming very depressed. We both have our shortcomings and can be toxic. However, when he is upset, he has a tendency to "punish" me by becoming very verbally and emotionally abusive. He will call me by very vulgar names and accuse me of cheating among other outlandish things. In turn, this causes me to become very depressed as I am affected by his every mood swing. Long story short, I am not 100% sure he is good for me if he is making me feel this way. But I can't leave so I am suffering from my attachment to him. I pray for Allah to make the best decision in my favor and I have prayed istikhara. We are 22 years old and not immediately ready for marriage due to career plans. I also greatly dislike this uncertainty of not knowing our outcome. I have suggested taking a break for personal development until we are ready for marriage, but he says he will not wait for me if I choose that option.
If anyone has any advice on how to detach from him and become less affected by him, it would greatly be appreciated. Jazakallah

This is hard to explain but, y'all know the movie "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once"? I haven't seen it but the first time I heard the name I was like hey, that sounds like my brain.
I know that a lot of ADHD folks struggle with organizing or remembering where things are, but with me I have a weird sense of where most things are in my house/environment to the point where it actually stresses me out. It's almost like a constant map (overlapped with a to-do list) in my head and it kinda feels things are just RIGHT THERE in my face so when I start tidying up I get really overwhelmed because it feels like there's not much difference in the obvious places (counters, bookcase, stovetop) vs the more hidden places (closets, baseboards, under the bed).
I'm guessing it's related to the "visual clutter" concept but in my case it's like the clutter is also INSIDE my head even though my house is very organized and fairly minimalist. 😑
My husband does chores but he's really good at just relaxing and not worrying about things being perfect but I can't turn my brain off like that unless I'm either asleep or I leave my house. 😣