2011 senior powderpuff sayings
At work they think I'm an enigma, help
2024.05.19 22:15 vuentes At work they think I'm an enigma, help
I started a new job this year, its the best job I've ever had and I'm very excited with this opportunity. I'm so excited that several days a week I come home from work and share with my partner how awesome the projects are etc. However, the work pace is really high and the workload is a lot. I medicate so I can tolerate the long working days and have quality focus. I feel I function well despite my adhd, they praise my work. I guess I spend most days in hyper focus, because during lunchtime I experience very little motivation to socialise with my team. Because all my focus is needed for work, I have a harder time masking in the team. I force myself to chitchat at the coffee machine, but I feel only weird stuff comes out of my mouth. Despite, I feel comfortable with my team and whenever we can we even have dinner or drinks together that are not related to our work. I also developed good relationships with my seniors and boss.
The other day we had a team bonding day guided by a coach. We were all sharing our experiences and point of improvements for management, and this time I was sharing too. I felt relaxed and secure. However, afterwards various colleagues, seniors and even boss approached me and shared that they're pleasantly surprised with hearing more of my ideas and that they consider me very mysterious and my boss even went as far as saying I'm an enigma. One senior said that they felt insecure whether I was happy with my work and they were afraid I was going to quit. I've confirmed with them that I am actually really excited with the job, position, team and projects and that I couldn't be more happy.
But now I'm stressing a bit and (over?) thinking it all. One of my colleagues has autism (not disclosed with management, they definitely don't know) and has heard their current contract is not going to be extended because of personal mismatch with the firm. I'm anxious that's my destiny because as romantic as an 'enigma' sounds I'm sure it's off putting in the long term. I've already started expressing my emotions more like sharing my positive opinion about the meetings we have and mentioning how excited I am about the subjects we handle. I also wonder whether this is what people mean with medication flattening your personality. I just can't imagine surviving a typical workday without medication.
I'm wondering if anyone has found hacks for this situation!
Ps. Work doesn't know my diagnosis and I have no plan to share either. I've heard rumours one of the seniors has autism, which was a relief to find out there is actually space for ND people like me here.
submitted by vuentes to adhdwomen [link] [comments]
The other day we had a team bonding day guided by a coach. We were all sharing our experiences and point of improvements for management, and this time I was sharing too. I felt relaxed and secure. However, afterwards various colleagues, seniors and even boss approached me and shared that they're pleasantly surprised with hearing more of my ideas and that they consider me very mysterious and my boss even went as far as saying I'm an enigma. One senior said that they felt insecure whether I was happy with my work and they were afraid I was going to quit. I've confirmed with them that I am actually really excited with the job, position, team and projects and that I couldn't be more happy.
But now I'm stressing a bit and (over?) thinking it all. One of my colleagues has autism (not disclosed with management, they definitely don't know) and has heard their current contract is not going to be extended because of personal mismatch with the firm. I'm anxious that's my destiny because as romantic as an 'enigma' sounds I'm sure it's off putting in the long term. I've already started expressing my emotions more like sharing my positive opinion about the meetings we have and mentioning how excited I am about the subjects we handle. I also wonder whether this is what people mean with medication flattening your personality. I just can't imagine surviving a typical workday without medication.
I'm wondering if anyone has found hacks for this situation!
Ps. Work doesn't know my diagnosis and I have no plan to share either. I've heard rumours one of the seniors has autism, which was a relief to find out there is actually space for ND people like me here.
2024.05.19 22:12 radulfthegrey Am I INTJ?
Hello everyone. I enjoy the INTJ community very much and need some help in deciding if I am INTJ or not. I am a 35 yo male, married, one toddler with another on the way. Like most of you, I have read countless articles, columns, descriptions, a couple of books on MBTI and the cognitive functions. Taking many MBTI tests and my first test I scored as an ISTP, but I am not good with my hands, not athletic, don't like fighting, working with cars, etc. I So I kept testing and got INTP.
But if I am being honest, I don't like reading all that much. Im not that nerdy and I have pretty good fashion sense. I like nice things. I skim over reading until I find what I deem is what I am looking for and use it. When building furniture, I like to follow instructions until I have done something several times. Then I will use build by memory and/or my gut. I research topics all the time such as the best restaurants in a city I am visiting. I am into checking out historical places to visit or places of prestige, importance over just going to were people are amassed and partying/socializing.
I don't really have any friends at them moment. I feel like people have let me down in the past. In the past, the only way I feel I could get friends was to fake being more extroverted, easy going, funny and a lover of drinking. But this has attracted a bunch of sensors which I spent most of my energy on rather quickly and need to retreat. When I retreat, I usually watch tv shows/movies, play my videos games or go for a drive and listen to podcasts like Joe rogan. Other leisure time is spent on reddit/internet.
I am always looking on improving my lifestyle, my status quo. I am not satisfied for too long. For instance, when I purchase a car, I am immediately within months thinking of what is the next best car I can get. It has to be a little sportier, a little more prestiges, and definitely has to be faster than the last.
I don't like small talk, and drama and gossip is infuriating and annoying to me. I constantly get upset when my loved ones don't heed my advice or what it is I am saying. I tell my wife, sister and Mom all the time that they should be careful and prepare for their futures by investing money more and spending less. My senior mother is a recent victim of catfishing and I felt immediately I had to step in and help clean up the mess and build her back up. My father passed away and my sister isn't of much help with this so I help my Mom. I have gone on quite a bit and understand that I need more detail but thanks for reading some of this. Appreciate the help. What made you decide you were INTJ?
TL/DR
I am questioning myMBTI type, initially testing as ISTP and INTP, but not fully identifying with either. I prefer practical research over extensive reading, enjoy solitary activities, and value self-improvement and status. I dislike small talk and drama, and often advise loved ones on financial matters. What made you decide you were INTJ?
submitted by radulfthegrey to intj [link] [comments]
But if I am being honest, I don't like reading all that much. Im not that nerdy and I have pretty good fashion sense. I like nice things. I skim over reading until I find what I deem is what I am looking for and use it. When building furniture, I like to follow instructions until I have done something several times. Then I will use build by memory and/or my gut. I research topics all the time such as the best restaurants in a city I am visiting. I am into checking out historical places to visit or places of prestige, importance over just going to were people are amassed and partying/socializing.
I don't really have any friends at them moment. I feel like people have let me down in the past. In the past, the only way I feel I could get friends was to fake being more extroverted, easy going, funny and a lover of drinking. But this has attracted a bunch of sensors which I spent most of my energy on rather quickly and need to retreat. When I retreat, I usually watch tv shows/movies, play my videos games or go for a drive and listen to podcasts like Joe rogan. Other leisure time is spent on reddit/internet.
I am always looking on improving my lifestyle, my status quo. I am not satisfied for too long. For instance, when I purchase a car, I am immediately within months thinking of what is the next best car I can get. It has to be a little sportier, a little more prestiges, and definitely has to be faster than the last.
I don't like small talk, and drama and gossip is infuriating and annoying to me. I constantly get upset when my loved ones don't heed my advice or what it is I am saying. I tell my wife, sister and Mom all the time that they should be careful and prepare for their futures by investing money more and spending less. My senior mother is a recent victim of catfishing and I felt immediately I had to step in and help clean up the mess and build her back up. My father passed away and my sister isn't of much help with this so I help my Mom. I have gone on quite a bit and understand that I need more detail but thanks for reading some of this. Appreciate the help. What made you decide you were INTJ?
TL/DR
I am questioning myMBTI type, initially testing as ISTP and INTP, but not fully identifying with either. I prefer practical research over extensive reading, enjoy solitary activities, and value self-improvement and status. I dislike small talk and drama, and often advise loved ones on financial matters. What made you decide you were INTJ?
2024.05.19 22:12 Kooky-Championship16 I (22f) moved away from home for my boyfriend (23m) and I have regrets
Hi all - my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and I guess you’d consider us college sweethearts. He graduated a year before me and started going to grad school 12ish hours away from home (we’re from neighboring towns but didn’t meet until college). My senior year of college I would visit him as often as I could and I couldn’t wait to graduate and be close to him again. I ended up applying to the same grad school he did and got in, I actually just finished my first year. I never really thought about going to grad school until he did, which is really why I even applied in the first place.
Anyways, when I first moved in with him in this new town 10 months ago I was heart broken for weeks. I missed my family and my home it was taking a huge toll on me emotionally and physically. I thought my boyfriend was entirely supportive, and he helped me through those feelings until I eventually fell into a routine in our new place at this new school. But 10 months later, I’m still here having regrets and wondering if I made the wrong decision.
I made the choice to go to grad school and move in with him at 21, and I think it was too early and I was too young. I don’t even know if I want to continue grad school because I’ve realized I did it all for it him and I’m not really enjoying it. On top of that, a few months back I found some journaling he did that made me question how much he cares about our relationship, saying I wasn’t enough for him. I’ve been too scared to bring that up because I love him, but now I just feel so unhappy and want to move back home. It feels like our relationship is a ticking time bomb at this point.
Final piece - we have 2 cats that we got together who I love so dearly, and can’t imagine life without them which is making any thoughts about leaving so hard.
I know that’s all a lot but any advice would be appreciated. Should I tell him what I’m feeling? Am I a failure if I move back home?
TL;DR! I (22f) moved for my boyfriend (23m) and I have regrets.
submitted by Kooky-Championship16 to relationships [link] [comments]
Anyways, when I first moved in with him in this new town 10 months ago I was heart broken for weeks. I missed my family and my home it was taking a huge toll on me emotionally and physically. I thought my boyfriend was entirely supportive, and he helped me through those feelings until I eventually fell into a routine in our new place at this new school. But 10 months later, I’m still here having regrets and wondering if I made the wrong decision.
I made the choice to go to grad school and move in with him at 21, and I think it was too early and I was too young. I don’t even know if I want to continue grad school because I’ve realized I did it all for it him and I’m not really enjoying it. On top of that, a few months back I found some journaling he did that made me question how much he cares about our relationship, saying I wasn’t enough for him. I’ve been too scared to bring that up because I love him, but now I just feel so unhappy and want to move back home. It feels like our relationship is a ticking time bomb at this point.
Final piece - we have 2 cats that we got together who I love so dearly, and can’t imagine life without them which is making any thoughts about leaving so hard.
I know that’s all a lot but any advice would be appreciated. Should I tell him what I’m feeling? Am I a failure if I move back home?
TL;DR! I (22f) moved for my boyfriend (23m) and I have regrets.
2024.05.19 22:11 _halamadrid Graduating senior selling various household items for cheap
Hi - as the title says, I'm a graduating senior who has a bunch of random household items that are in decent condition (maybe helpful if you're an underclassman staying over the summer!). I've linked a spreadsheet with some prices and details, but everything is negotiable. Please DM if you're interested in anything.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1cIMivwAbOqtZu_kEQBYagfNR4Ku7raEsXmouAAxwZ10/edit?usp=sharing
submitted by _halamadrid to Cornell [link] [comments]
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1cIMivwAbOqtZu_kEQBYagfNR4Ku7raEsXmouAAxwZ10/edit?usp=sharing
2024.05.19 22:05 AdamLuyan 2.3 Peach Flower Catastrophe 2
 | The world had changed, and Publican Liu’s family moved back to his home village, Peach Flower Village, a long time ago. After a lot of trouble, Constant Fair was sent to the cemetery of Peach Flower Village by a carter who took pity on him. submitted by AdamLuyan to LifeTree [link] [comments] At the cemetery, Constant Fair read the inscriptions on every grave, but he did not find Publican Liu's name. He was so tired that he sat down to rest in front of a wordless tombstone. At that moment, a woman wearing mourning clothes came to him. He hurriedly stood up and asked, "Dare I ask this big sister, whose grave is this?" Woman replied, “This is my father's tomb.” Constant Fair hurriedly asked, “Can I ask what your father's name is?” Woman said, “My father said I was not his daughter, caused him to die with eyes open, would not allow me to say his name at his grave.” The two then talked at the grave. Constant Fair first told his story; then the woman told hers. Woman said, “When I was born, have a peach flower birthmark on my leg, so people called me Peach Flower Girl. When I grew up, I was picky in choosing husband, couldn't find one. My father appointed one for me, a longtime laborer in our medicine farm. His name was Constant Fair, was a fool. I did not agree. Later, my father had a small courtyard built up, and he planned to confine him and me there, not letting us out until we married. In the middle of a night, I created an opportunity for one of Constant Fair's friends to slip out, so Constant Fair ran away. My father sent people to look for him everywhere. A few years later, my dad became seriously ill, so we moved back to our home village. Not long after, my dad passed away.” https://preview.redd.it/96h19hy4vf1d1.jpg?width=612&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58ff846bd0d775db9c635f4a63be444880ee2a5d Peach Flower Girl said: “Before my father died, he said to me, ‘You are not a real woman, you are not destined to have a husband, and you can't enjoy the happiness of being a woman; therefore, I have detained a husband for you. You can only be happy if you marry him. One day, after I die, a man will come to my grave to commonwealth and bow to me. At that time, you will take these two letters: one is my will; another is eight hieroglyphics that I summarized what I have learned and done in my whole life. You ask him to guess the eight hieroglyphics. If he does, he is your husband. You kneel and ask to marry him.' My father handed this dagger (see illustration 2.3-1-1) to me and said, ‘If he doesn't agree, you kill yourself with it.'" Peach Flower Girl continued, “Years passed, and no one came to visit his grave. I had not the heart to marry anyone either. A few days ago, I heard that a man was going around looking for a grave. I asked my butler to see what was going on. He followed you and saw your fainting, so he carried you here. I will send someone to bring you some food later.” Peach Flower Girl finished her talk, turned around heading back to the village. （2）Mental Illness Treatment Constant Fair felt more comfortable, but chest is still congested, in front of the grave to cry loudly, while crying while thinking: what is Publican Liu’s life doing? He thought about it for two days and two nights but could not figure it out. https://preview.redd.it/jsw6b8a7vf1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=41b01e77bf4fd97fc72fef1d6f93c9ec59545727 At dawn on the third day, Constant Fair heard someone call his name, like his father. At that moment, the man said again, “Constant Fair! Do you not even recognize me!?” As the man set down the meal, he said, “Look at what I brought, all your favorite foods when you were a child.” Only then did Constant Fair notice that this meal delivery man was Uncle Grain, who had taken care of him as a child and treated him the best. Uncle Grain said, “When the old master was alive, he would always ask me to bring you some of the delicious food made in the backyard kitchen. Every time, he told me, ‘Just say whoever sent it, do not say I sent it.’ These are all your favorites, eat them while they're hot to warm your body.” Uncle Grain continued, “The day before yesterday, Lady said that you were not sick. I came to bring you food, saw that you were sick all over. Last night, I went to my Ninth Uncle's house, who is a famous medical doctor in this area. I told him about your condition and begged him bitterly. My uncle was cornered, so he told me, ‘This is a matter of life and death, you must not tell outsiders. Yesterday, a few of us old doctors discussed Constant Fair’s case. Your old Master Liu is a famous benefactor, who all know for hundreds of kilometers around. But he was so unfair to Mr. Fair that he put his life in danger. Publican Liu was a rare man of the world, and if he were to cast the curse of ‘Death with Eyes Open’, it would certainly be done seamlessly.’” Uncle Grain said: "I then flattered my uncle: Uncle you very knowledgeable! But in the end, I don’t understand what the cause of Constant Fair's illness is. Our old master asked Constant Fair to guess the eight words that summarized his life's learning and doing, but how could Constant Fair guess out with his little literal inks? Can you make it simple for me? I need to understand, otherwise I came begging you for nothing!” “My uncle said, Constant Fair is also a scholar! He grew up with Publican Liu, how could he be less educated?” “I said, I watched Constant Fair grow up, he was stupid since he was a child! He was afraid of being beaten by the teacher at school, often skipped school. Old Master Liu trusted me and asked me to take care of him. I was lazy and concealed on either end. Every time our old Master Liu asked me, I told him that Constant Fair was smart and diligent, but he was always stupid and didn't learn well. Later, Master Liu asked me to lend Constant Fair his favorite books. Whether Constant Fair read it or not, I told old Master Liu that, ‘Constant Fair liked it so much that he read it two or three times, could almost recite it'.” “My uncle scolded me, ‘Why do you work like this! Publican Liu's godly business is ruined by you!’.” “I say, Uncle Ninth! It's useless for you to scold me, even to beat me. If Constant Fair sickly died, haven’t I been a man in vain! Then I won't live long. Constant Fair has been kind and filial since he was a child, how could he get this strange disease! Isn't this someone setting him up!” “My Ninth Uncle immediately said, ‘That's right! Publica Liu died with eyes open; and he and Constant Fair had a factual father-son relationship. Constant Fair, he is a great rebel, self-inflicted sin, could not live! But he was framed also. That's what's illness with him. If word of this gets out, your Publican Liu will be disgraced! Don't you understand? Then what's the Liu family spying on everyone in our village now!” Note: Uncle Dragon said that in the original story of Peach Flower Catastrophe, the original author used Taoism, Buddhism, Confucianism, God Theory, Ghost Theory, and other twenty more ancient Chinese philosophies to discuss the cause and treatment of Constant Fair's illness. In this book, see 10.6 Principles of Curing Mental Illness. Uncle Grain said to Constant Fair, “I then knelt down to my Ninth Uncle and begged him to come up with a solution.” “Ninth Uncle said, ‘I didn't realize that this matter had brought you into the circle. Yes, this happened in our Peach Flower Village, several of us old doctors feel frustrated and irritated. This medicine is the result of our discussion yesterday. But if the mental illness is not removed, Constant Fair's physical illness will not be cured.'” Uncle Grain continued to say, “I said to my Ninth Uncle, ‘Our old Master is a learned man, and he asked Constant Fair to guess eight hieroglyphics, but with Constant Fair's little learning, he couldn't guess them! What, according to you, Uncle, are those words?” “My uncle immediately became angry! He shouted, ‘Good Son’s Uncle (that is real name for Uncle Grain)! In terms of seniority, I'm your uncle; in terms of age, you're still two years older than me.' How can you say that?” “Later, my uncle explained: ‘Publican Liu learned Taoism from Extremely-Vague Real-Human (Annotation, also being called Non-Position Real-Human that is True Suchness, is nature law) in his early years and was the closing door (i.e., the last) disciple, who had received real teachings. In terms of seniority, he is my teacher uncle. My teacher uncle set up a trap and I'm here to break it, that is I am cheating on teacher, terminating ancestors! But in terms of Publican Liu's personality, he's not a man who bites off more than he can chew and shows off his metaphysics; for a scholar, those should be a few common hieroglyphics.’” “I asked my Ninth Uncle what I can do for Constant Fair then?” “He said, ‘Tell Constant Fair truthfully all that Publican Liu had asked you to do to him behind his back！Let him comply with Publican Liu's wish, that's the only way out, otherwise, he surely dies.'" https://preview.redd.it/98wskqobvf1d1.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca27d8f61a2eb49fb27d3c20ca68ce3f6b5a2354 Uncle Grain looked around again, handed Constant Fair the medicines for internal and external use, such as Shenling Baizhu San (see figure 2.3-3, Note, this is an ancient remedy for gastrointestinal ulcers), and whispered, “I have to go, if not they may never let me bring you food again.” （3）Fate Through Constant Fair sent Uncle Grain away, while eating while tears dripping. He was sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes crying, sometimes angry, sometimes leisurely, and thinking, thinking, thinking, he remembered what happened to him when he was a child (note, what is called Fate Through). https://preview.redd.it/9yeueklevf1d1.jpg?width=546&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6491484cda32e7345961ea716ca9f7e3bce32f3d Constant Fair lost his mother when he was young and lived with his sick father. One day, he saw children eating candied haws on the street, and he cried and asked his father for them. His father carried him outside the courtyard of Publican Liu, pointed to the big house of the Liu family and said: "You are engaged to the eldest lady of this family, but our family is poor! We don't expect this marriage. Dad is sick. When Dad is gone, you come to his house. When you grow up and make money by yourself, then you can buy whatever you like!" At this time, Constant Fair came up with the first four hieroglyphics of eight, “former generation’s marriage reasoning factor”. ↪️Return to Catalog of Chapter 2 Revelation |
2024.05.19 22:02 AppleMuncher69 Being forced out?
I’m not close at all to going into big law (about to graduate high school) but I was curious:
If an associate say an eighth year doesn’t make partner are they forced out of the firm or are they allowed to stay? Like are there people who are senior associates in there 15th year or something? Was just curious and couldn’t find an answer to this specific question on any other Reddit post.
submitted by AppleMuncher69 to biglaw [link] [comments]
If an associate say an eighth year doesn’t make partner are they forced out of the firm or are they allowed to stay? Like are there people who are senior associates in there 15th year or something? Was just curious and couldn’t find an answer to this specific question on any other Reddit post.
2024.05.19 21:57 NickDen94 [Garafolo] The Commanders are working to hire Lions exec Brandon Sosna for a high-ranking front-office role, sources say. The fast-rising Sosna, 31, spent the last two years as Detroit’s senior director, football administration after a three-year stint as USC’s chief of staff.
![[Garafolo] The Commanders are working to hire Lions exec Brandon Sosna for a high-ranking front-office role, sources say. The fast-rising Sosna, 31, spent the last two years as Detroit’s senior director, football administration after a three-year stint as USC’s chief of staff.](https://external-preview.redd.it/1VK9BBaV4_YdnZlbxzvnoC2fsbAclcuBdFVTUikEZGw.jpg?width=320&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=d36fd7b647c73811c6c3e7504756cb58fc130add "[Garafolo] The Commanders are working to hire Lions exec Brandon Sosna for a high-ranking front-office role, sources say. The fast-rising Sosna, 31, spent the last two years as Detroit’s senior director, football administration after a three-year stint as USC’s chief of staff.") | submitted by NickDen94 to Commanders [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 21:55 whatsupwithmycrotch I feel like I'm loosing my memory to stress. Help?
Sorry if this is kind of rambling. I woke up this morning feeling particularly unable to maintain a good train of thought (unless it's writing an essay I have due soon) and feeling unable to artticulate as I normally do. I also am strugggling to remember what I had to do this weekend, moreso than usual. I feel like my brain got scrubbed. And along with what parts of memory were taken, so was half of my ability to even care. Like- in the way that, idf there is no afterlife, then death is ceasing to be and you won't care about dying then because, well, you cease to be. I feel like that. I feel like I'm dying and honestly I half way don't care anymore. All I want is to sleep, but even sleeping has dreams and dreams are just more mental work. I jsut want everything to stop.
I am an undergrad senior, college. Double majoring + a minor + a club president + conducting a long-term on-going research project outside of all of my other obligations. I graduate soon, have to plan out like half of the logistics (my dad has brain damage from alcoholism and gets messed up with some meds, so he can't really plan his logistics well). I am also hoping to move soon and am in charge of setting up all that + finding the new person to take my spot when the lease renews (and make sure my roommates have someone when I leave). It doesn't help that in addition to all of this, I recently dealt with a really weird and stressful falling out with a friend (previously fwb) who's mental health quickly and severely deteriorated (involved social harrasseement and threats)- and that this event was very recollective of a traumatic long-term situation that my family went through when I was a kid (stalking, mental illness, threats to life).
I have always had kind of shitty memory. Not in terms of retaining knowlege but in terms of remembering social interactions and day to day matters. I can usually keep an ok track of deadlines, but since school became extremely busy I have been using an excel sheet to keep track of my calendar. But even this isn't a fool proof method. Half the time now, I can't even remember to add something to it.
My memory is just constantly declining though. Has been more and more as school goes on. I feel so bad because it's starting to affect people I care about. I relatively consistently double schedule things and I see the hurt on some of their faces. I hate it so much. I also am very nearly slipping on deadlines, like club renewal and assignments. I'm not sure, but somehow I never let go of those. I also feel less like myself. I feel like I loose the ability to retain things period.
I used to think, as my grandma had sometimes told me, that this issue with memory was because I didn't care and wasn't applying myself. I have found that's not the issue. I forget things like major deadlines to things like my own undergrad research project's IRB submission, delaying its approval and nearly derailing progress entirely. I felt like I was nearly dying when I realized this. I met with my mentor, made notes to myself, double checked "here's the takeaways, here's what I do", walked out, sat down, and boom memory gone for the next week. I think I might have ADHD or something. This happens so often and I feel I have so little control over what I retain and not sometimes.
I'm sure this is also partly stress induced memory issues. I have headaches very often now. It's gone down recently, but I was having them nearly daily for like 3 months.
Aside from the gnawing hollow aching desire to rip out my own insides and die in a passionate expression of sheer stress and the desperation to be free, I also find myself constantly daydreaming about getting a really good scalp massage. I have a whole playlist on tiktok of asmr scalp massage videos. I think, maybe moreso than graduating, my dream is to get a hella good scalp massage. But, no one near me provides this service (at least not that I have found atm). I have a scalp whisk lookin thing- it's nice, but just feels like it falls short.
I feel like I'm goping insane. I also feel like there is so little escape. I usually ahve a pretty good idea of what to expect 1 to 3 months out. There is so little opportunity for a braek. I am so tired.
I woke up feeling unable to think well at all. I remembered to mention an email to my roommates regarding money owed to my apartments this morning. It's 5 days old. I tried to ask my roommate... something... - to help take over some of the communication. I can't manage as much of the communication matters with how things are right now. I tried to ask but I wasn't sure how to even ask. My roommate has done some communication, but it's all in person and idk wtf they talk about and not. I think they aren;t the best at always explainging everything + I don't like, keep track of that. I don't check in on everything they do, though I will ask when I remember how to. I am not great with verbal wordage. I'm mostly visual. I can type well but rn I just don't know how to phrase asking that. All I know how to say is: "I don;t kjnow how to talk right now". I fucking hate this, I dont even knwo how to talk right now. I feel like I'm going to putrify under my own skin. My breath reeks of stress as I am slowly rotting from the inside.
submitted by whatsupwithmycrotch to Stress [link] [comments]
I am an undergrad senior, college. Double majoring + a minor + a club president + conducting a long-term on-going research project outside of all of my other obligations. I graduate soon, have to plan out like half of the logistics (my dad has brain damage from alcoholism and gets messed up with some meds, so he can't really plan his logistics well). I am also hoping to move soon and am in charge of setting up all that + finding the new person to take my spot when the lease renews (and make sure my roommates have someone when I leave). It doesn't help that in addition to all of this, I recently dealt with a really weird and stressful falling out with a friend (previously fwb) who's mental health quickly and severely deteriorated (involved social harrasseement and threats)- and that this event was very recollective of a traumatic long-term situation that my family went through when I was a kid (stalking, mental illness, threats to life).
I have always had kind of shitty memory. Not in terms of retaining knowlege but in terms of remembering social interactions and day to day matters. I can usually keep an ok track of deadlines, but since school became extremely busy I have been using an excel sheet to keep track of my calendar. But even this isn't a fool proof method. Half the time now, I can't even remember to add something to it.
My memory is just constantly declining though. Has been more and more as school goes on. I feel so bad because it's starting to affect people I care about. I relatively consistently double schedule things and I see the hurt on some of their faces. I hate it so much. I also am very nearly slipping on deadlines, like club renewal and assignments. I'm not sure, but somehow I never let go of those. I also feel less like myself. I feel like I loose the ability to retain things period.
I used to think, as my grandma had sometimes told me, that this issue with memory was because I didn't care and wasn't applying myself. I have found that's not the issue. I forget things like major deadlines to things like my own undergrad research project's IRB submission, delaying its approval and nearly derailing progress entirely. I felt like I was nearly dying when I realized this. I met with my mentor, made notes to myself, double checked "here's the takeaways, here's what I do", walked out, sat down, and boom memory gone for the next week. I think I might have ADHD or something. This happens so often and I feel I have so little control over what I retain and not sometimes.
I'm sure this is also partly stress induced memory issues. I have headaches very often now. It's gone down recently, but I was having them nearly daily for like 3 months.
Aside from the gnawing hollow aching desire to rip out my own insides and die in a passionate expression of sheer stress and the desperation to be free, I also find myself constantly daydreaming about getting a really good scalp massage. I have a whole playlist on tiktok of asmr scalp massage videos. I think, maybe moreso than graduating, my dream is to get a hella good scalp massage. But, no one near me provides this service (at least not that I have found atm). I have a scalp whisk lookin thing- it's nice, but just feels like it falls short.
I feel like I'm goping insane. I also feel like there is so little escape. I usually ahve a pretty good idea of what to expect 1 to 3 months out. There is so little opportunity for a braek. I am so tired.
I woke up feeling unable to think well at all. I remembered to mention an email to my roommates regarding money owed to my apartments this morning. It's 5 days old. I tried to ask my roommate... something... - to help take over some of the communication. I can't manage as much of the communication matters with how things are right now. I tried to ask but I wasn't sure how to even ask. My roommate has done some communication, but it's all in person and idk wtf they talk about and not. I think they aren;t the best at always explainging everything + I don't like, keep track of that. I don't check in on everything they do, though I will ask when I remember how to. I am not great with verbal wordage. I'm mostly visual. I can type well but rn I just don't know how to phrase asking that. All I know how to say is: "I don;t kjnow how to talk right now". I fucking hate this, I dont even knwo how to talk right now. I feel like I'm going to putrify under my own skin. My breath reeks of stress as I am slowly rotting from the inside.
2024.05.19 21:54 KlemensvnMetternich Five Kinds of Loneliness // Part 4
-and obviously it was stupid to think that any of my old friends would still be there. Could I even call them that? I haven’t been back here in maybe ten years and my ‘friends’ were the staff at a bar I worked at for two months, transient work by its very nature. Especially in Rome. There’s a street preacher and I think he’s saying “KINGS, BOOK ONE! CHAPTER 19!” and maybe he is because he has 1 Kings 19 (11-13) written on a sign next to him.
I remember Malfi… Marfi? Was a student anyway. Studying history at masters level. I can clearly see the seal of her university in my head clearly but I can't remember the university. I think about maybe pulling out my phone and googling it but it’ll take too long and I don’t want to waste the battery or not be looking at my surroundings for too long.
Hey- hey friend how are you? What are you doing here?
Oh god. If I keep my head down maybe he won’t bother me but suddenly there’s a wall of flesh draped in a cheap blue t-shirt semi-blocking my path.
I’m busy, sorry. I push past him and he yells out.
HEY! You got a problem with black people?
Loud enough for others to turn around.
What the hell is his problem? The insolence of it! The actual insolence! I smiled as I said I’m busy for fucks’ sake. I have a disgust response from the way he speaks as it plays back in my head. You ghat a problehm with blaq people? Flat vowels from the Global South. I could smell whatever ersatz cologne he’d doused himself in. Big, dumb bicycle chain wrapped around his neck. I could barely make out this heckler’s face, he was so overweight he was drowned in fat, and he threw his arms up in the air so his bony elbows came out at weird, jutting angles.
My mood is completely ruined so I turned right, catching the sun, cutting off a man walking a Chow dog who I presume follows after me.
My sunglasses are in my pocket and for whatever reason I lose the will to actually pull them out so I’m walking blind into glare. Was everyone still looking at me? The sun is beating down and on top of that the wind is blowing directly into my face. I can’t see anything and I feel prickly heat around my flanks. Maybe a tweed jacket was the wrong choice, but I’m not going to take it off and drape it over my shoulder right now. I do not want to be perceived.
I start thinking about the street venders from ten years ago, how friendly they all were. That’s not a thing anymore, I guess. I force all that from my mind and as I’m walking I involuntarily start thinking back to when I was little.
I was six, maybe seven, and my mother was in the hospital so I was being looked after by my father. It took him maybe three days to stop bothering to make sure I had a bath or brushed my teeth. Maybe a week before he stopped doing laundry. About three weeks in he was forced to start taking me to school again; somebody had mentioned something to my grandmother who came round to shout at him. He reckoned I could learn everything I needed from watching television.
The other kids were not a fan of my new look, and the bullying was horrible. Already a lonely child, I was further isolated from my peers by my appearance and odour. I had an initial grace period, I’m sure Miss. Euston had prepped everyone that my mother was sick and everyone was to be very nice to me.
The great mass of my appearance, greasy and smelly, eventually pulled through the gravity of Miss. Euston’s authority, and finally I slipped through her graces and into the bottomless pit of cruelty only children are capable of.
One night when the rest of the class was dismissed she kept me back to talk to me.
“How are you, John?”
Fine.
“I hear your mummy will be back soon? Isn’t that great?”
Yes.
“Maybe you should tell your dad to give you a bath before she gets home, yes?”
Yes.
“Is your dad coming to pick you up today?”
I don’t know.
She smiled at me put her hand to my face. It was warm and soft and I could feel the sea-salt sweat from her palms. It was comforting. Maybe that’s why I’m a cuddler now. She gave me a chocolate bar from her treat tin and let me go. My dad did actually pick me up that day. He asked me where I got the chocolate bar from and I said Miss. Euston gave it to me. I never ate it, at some point it must have been thrown away.
I realized Miss. Euston was, probably, barely a few years older than I was now. I wonder what she was up to. At some point the buildings covered the sun and I checked my watch. Two more hours to go.
I see a free table on a raised mount and decide to sit there. I look up at the statues looking down at me and a waiter comes over and says I have to order if I want to stay there. This annoys me so I bark at him that I need a menu if I want to order anything. He leaves and the clouds open again, probably by the wind, and it beats down on me again. Feeling more grounded I take off my jacket and drape it over my chair and take the cigarettes from the inside pocket. I looked at my phone and re-read the invitation email.
To – me, please be here at whenever o’clock to talk to our international undergrads on international project management.
Regards, some professor I didn’t like as an undergrad.
It was certainly an honor to be asked, but no doubt was being used to drum up engagement for some useless course they were peddling. How exactly does International Relations parse into International Project Management? You learn everything you need to know doing the damn job. I had emailed myself my famous slide deck, the one that was thrown around in secret by senior bureaucrats who were sick of being bureaucrats and wanted to actually do something. The one that Managers said could never be released, but had obviously plagiarized in snippets when they thought appearing to be daring would be beneficial to their careers.
A brunette waitress comes over with the menu, she looks young. Maybe 18. Over a decade younger than me.
If you don’t mind getting up, she said in a startling American, there’s a buffet as well.
I say thank you and look at her. Was she American? American-Italian? She looked British. Maybe Danish. I didn’t want to ask. She was pale, apart from her lips and cheeks which were the color of a rose.
Thank you, I say. Do I order drinks from you?
Of course, she said and took out a notepad and pen. The other wait staff used an iPad. I wondered where hers was and asked for a double espresso and a glass of orange juice.
Is that all?
Wait, how tall is the orange?
What?
I smile and her and mime a glass growing from very small to very tall. How tall is the glass? Is it a lot of orange juice?
She smiles and laughs and it’s very cute, I think she lost her composure because the laugh doesn’t match her voice.
I run my hand through my hair because I need something for my hands to do, and she says yeah. It’s tall. Pretty big. Are you going far after this?
I dunno. There’s some people trying to kill me. I smile again, obviously a joke.
She smiles back. You should have the buffet and I’ll bring you your drinks. I’ll leave the jar of orange juice but don’t tell anyone, OK?
OK, I say. Grazie.
Prego, she says and walks off.
I check how far the walk is and it’s maybe 40 minutes, too far in this weather. Will it rain? Will I literally burn to a crisp? I wish I had brought my laptop so I could have the slide deck up. I could ask the waitress what she thought.
She comes back with my coffee and a cold glass of orange juice, and a jug of water.
Sorry, she says, my manager told me to only pour the juice.
That’s fine, I think I’m only 40 minutes away. Like three miles.
You won’t be able to walk three miles in forty minutes, she says. You should eat quickly, then get up and go.
I dunno, I say, drawing out my response. I’m quite tall.
She laughs again and says she’ll bring my cheque now.
I get up and make a plate of pastry, the meat looks like it had been left out so I avoided it. I grabbed some things I don’t know the name of, and a slice of bread that was being warmed on a terracotta platter over some coals.
She walks away and when she comes back I want to ask for her number, but there’s a huge delivery truck slowly rolling through. My cup is shaking in its’ saucer and if it wasn’t already mostly drunk it’d run over. I try to make conversation but I don’t want to shout at her so just give her 30 euro and say keep the tip. She shouts back thanks. I get up and start walking.
The sun won out against the rain and it started to pound me again. The air was dry. I was walking fast and making good time, but I did not want to end up sweaty when I got there so I took off my jacket and carried it under my arm. I checked my phone again and I had a missed call and a voice mail. I couldn’t see the name in the glare.
I couldn’t stop to put earphones in, so I put my phone away.
I managed to make it to the campus with five minutes to spare. I hullo’d with the professors and asked for a glass of water. I drank it in one then went to the bathroom to piss, and check my hair. I was sweating but my jacket would cover it. My hair looked great. I clenched my jaw and looked at my face. Intense. Satisfied, I blew my nose and in my head went over the topics I’d cover. If I got lost I’d ask the students questions.
For some reason I thought back to Miss. Euston, looking after the poor scapegrace that was me. I remember once she told me God was in the wind.
I was waiting in the wings, hidden on a pre-stage before the main stage. Before I put my phone on silent, I thought I’d listen to the voice mail quickly. I briefly thought it "pre-stage" was even a word. I didn’t recognize the number. I pressed play and raised it to my ear.
There was a pause and then, cutting through the roar of the wind once present but no longer, came a voice.
“Hi, John, I hope you’re well and I’m just calli-“
The voicemail stopped. Someday, I hope, Apple will figure out how to actually let me hear my voicemail without constantly having to un-pause it. I hit play and put my phone back to my ear but I knew who it is before she said her name. “I’m just calling to say hey. It’s me, Joanne.”
It was a whisper being carried over time and continents. A whisper from a girl that might as well be dead. Why me, Joanne. Why me.
I covered my face with my hands. I realized I was doing it in shame and suddenly Miss. Euston’s voice came back to me again. “God is in the wind.”
I pulled the skin on my face down, pressed hard, and walked out onto the next stage, tucking my phone away in my-
submitted by KlemensvnMetternich to RSwritingclub [link] [comments]
I remember Malfi… Marfi? Was a student anyway. Studying history at masters level. I can clearly see the seal of her university in my head clearly but I can't remember the university. I think about maybe pulling out my phone and googling it but it’ll take too long and I don’t want to waste the battery or not be looking at my surroundings for too long.
Hey- hey friend how are you? What are you doing here?
Oh god. If I keep my head down maybe he won’t bother me but suddenly there’s a wall of flesh draped in a cheap blue t-shirt semi-blocking my path.
I’m busy, sorry. I push past him and he yells out.
HEY! You got a problem with black people?
Loud enough for others to turn around.
What the hell is his problem? The insolence of it! The actual insolence! I smiled as I said I’m busy for fucks’ sake. I have a disgust response from the way he speaks as it plays back in my head. You ghat a problehm with blaq people? Flat vowels from the Global South. I could smell whatever ersatz cologne he’d doused himself in. Big, dumb bicycle chain wrapped around his neck. I could barely make out this heckler’s face, he was so overweight he was drowned in fat, and he threw his arms up in the air so his bony elbows came out at weird, jutting angles.
My mood is completely ruined so I turned right, catching the sun, cutting off a man walking a Chow dog who I presume follows after me.
My sunglasses are in my pocket and for whatever reason I lose the will to actually pull them out so I’m walking blind into glare. Was everyone still looking at me? The sun is beating down and on top of that the wind is blowing directly into my face. I can’t see anything and I feel prickly heat around my flanks. Maybe a tweed jacket was the wrong choice, but I’m not going to take it off and drape it over my shoulder right now. I do not want to be perceived.
I start thinking about the street venders from ten years ago, how friendly they all were. That’s not a thing anymore, I guess. I force all that from my mind and as I’m walking I involuntarily start thinking back to when I was little.
I was six, maybe seven, and my mother was in the hospital so I was being looked after by my father. It took him maybe three days to stop bothering to make sure I had a bath or brushed my teeth. Maybe a week before he stopped doing laundry. About three weeks in he was forced to start taking me to school again; somebody had mentioned something to my grandmother who came round to shout at him. He reckoned I could learn everything I needed from watching television.
The other kids were not a fan of my new look, and the bullying was horrible. Already a lonely child, I was further isolated from my peers by my appearance and odour. I had an initial grace period, I’m sure Miss. Euston had prepped everyone that my mother was sick and everyone was to be very nice to me.
The great mass of my appearance, greasy and smelly, eventually pulled through the gravity of Miss. Euston’s authority, and finally I slipped through her graces and into the bottomless pit of cruelty only children are capable of.
One night when the rest of the class was dismissed she kept me back to talk to me.
“How are you, John?”
Fine.
“I hear your mummy will be back soon? Isn’t that great?”
Yes.
“Maybe you should tell your dad to give you a bath before she gets home, yes?”
Yes.
“Is your dad coming to pick you up today?”
I don’t know.
She smiled at me put her hand to my face. It was warm and soft and I could feel the sea-salt sweat from her palms. It was comforting. Maybe that’s why I’m a cuddler now. She gave me a chocolate bar from her treat tin and let me go. My dad did actually pick me up that day. He asked me where I got the chocolate bar from and I said Miss. Euston gave it to me. I never ate it, at some point it must have been thrown away.
I realized Miss. Euston was, probably, barely a few years older than I was now. I wonder what she was up to. At some point the buildings covered the sun and I checked my watch. Two more hours to go.
I see a free table on a raised mount and decide to sit there. I look up at the statues looking down at me and a waiter comes over and says I have to order if I want to stay there. This annoys me so I bark at him that I need a menu if I want to order anything. He leaves and the clouds open again, probably by the wind, and it beats down on me again. Feeling more grounded I take off my jacket and drape it over my chair and take the cigarettes from the inside pocket. I looked at my phone and re-read the invitation email.
To – me, please be here at whenever o’clock to talk to our international undergrads on international project management.
Regards, some professor I didn’t like as an undergrad.
It was certainly an honor to be asked, but no doubt was being used to drum up engagement for some useless course they were peddling. How exactly does International Relations parse into International Project Management? You learn everything you need to know doing the damn job. I had emailed myself my famous slide deck, the one that was thrown around in secret by senior bureaucrats who were sick of being bureaucrats and wanted to actually do something. The one that Managers said could never be released, but had obviously plagiarized in snippets when they thought appearing to be daring would be beneficial to their careers.
A brunette waitress comes over with the menu, she looks young. Maybe 18. Over a decade younger than me.
If you don’t mind getting up, she said in a startling American, there’s a buffet as well.
I say thank you and look at her. Was she American? American-Italian? She looked British. Maybe Danish. I didn’t want to ask. She was pale, apart from her lips and cheeks which were the color of a rose.
Thank you, I say. Do I order drinks from you?
Of course, she said and took out a notepad and pen. The other wait staff used an iPad. I wondered where hers was and asked for a double espresso and a glass of orange juice.
Is that all?
Wait, how tall is the orange?
What?
I smile and her and mime a glass growing from very small to very tall. How tall is the glass? Is it a lot of orange juice?
She smiles and laughs and it’s very cute, I think she lost her composure because the laugh doesn’t match her voice.
I run my hand through my hair because I need something for my hands to do, and she says yeah. It’s tall. Pretty big. Are you going far after this?
I dunno. There’s some people trying to kill me. I smile again, obviously a joke.
She smiles back. You should have the buffet and I’ll bring you your drinks. I’ll leave the jar of orange juice but don’t tell anyone, OK?
OK, I say. Grazie.
Prego, she says and walks off.
I check how far the walk is and it’s maybe 40 minutes, too far in this weather. Will it rain? Will I literally burn to a crisp? I wish I had brought my laptop so I could have the slide deck up. I could ask the waitress what she thought.
She comes back with my coffee and a cold glass of orange juice, and a jug of water.
Sorry, she says, my manager told me to only pour the juice.
That’s fine, I think I’m only 40 minutes away. Like three miles.
You won’t be able to walk three miles in forty minutes, she says. You should eat quickly, then get up and go.
I dunno, I say, drawing out my response. I’m quite tall.
She laughs again and says she’ll bring my cheque now.
I get up and make a plate of pastry, the meat looks like it had been left out so I avoided it. I grabbed some things I don’t know the name of, and a slice of bread that was being warmed on a terracotta platter over some coals.
She walks away and when she comes back I want to ask for her number, but there’s a huge delivery truck slowly rolling through. My cup is shaking in its’ saucer and if it wasn’t already mostly drunk it’d run over. I try to make conversation but I don’t want to shout at her so just give her 30 euro and say keep the tip. She shouts back thanks. I get up and start walking.
The sun won out against the rain and it started to pound me again. The air was dry. I was walking fast and making good time, but I did not want to end up sweaty when I got there so I took off my jacket and carried it under my arm. I checked my phone again and I had a missed call and a voice mail. I couldn’t see the name in the glare.
I couldn’t stop to put earphones in, so I put my phone away.
I managed to make it to the campus with five minutes to spare. I hullo’d with the professors and asked for a glass of water. I drank it in one then went to the bathroom to piss, and check my hair. I was sweating but my jacket would cover it. My hair looked great. I clenched my jaw and looked at my face. Intense. Satisfied, I blew my nose and in my head went over the topics I’d cover. If I got lost I’d ask the students questions.
For some reason I thought back to Miss. Euston, looking after the poor scapegrace that was me. I remember once she told me God was in the wind.
I was waiting in the wings, hidden on a pre-stage before the main stage. Before I put my phone on silent, I thought I’d listen to the voice mail quickly. I briefly thought it "pre-stage" was even a word. I didn’t recognize the number. I pressed play and raised it to my ear.
There was a pause and then, cutting through the roar of the wind once present but no longer, came a voice.
“Hi, John, I hope you’re well and I’m just calli-“
The voicemail stopped. Someday, I hope, Apple will figure out how to actually let me hear my voicemail without constantly having to un-pause it. I hit play and put my phone back to my ear but I knew who it is before she said her name. “I’m just calling to say hey. It’s me, Joanne.”
It was a whisper being carried over time and continents. A whisper from a girl that might as well be dead. Why me, Joanne. Why me.
I covered my face with my hands. I realized I was doing it in shame and suddenly Miss. Euston’s voice came back to me again. “God is in the wind.”
I pulled the skin on my face down, pressed hard, and walked out onto the next stage, tucking my phone away in my-
2024.05.19 21:50 Wonderful_Lime5422 LDR went back, struggling to cope with strong autistic emotions and executive functioning
I am autistic, and I have had a lot of changes over the past few months. Loss of car, loss of jobs, possible eviction, and my senior dog getting older each passing second. My boyfriend (24M) and I (19F) have been together for almost 8 months now, he just left from is little over a month visit yesterday. He has been extremely kind, helpful, understanding, supportive of my situation and my autism. He is a great man.
I have issues with trauma as well, and anger or conflict from others is something I am learning to cope with. I have been in an abusive relationship before, and have been through therapy. Yet, recently I have gotten off of my meds, (Wellbutrin), from forgetting to take them, but I am currently getting back on them. I have just been on the ring birth control, which I know affects my emotions. I feel like I am going insane. Pain hurts as if I am getting stabbed in the chest and lungs crushed. It’s difficult to convey this. Especially in a relationship.
Before he left, he recommended to spend time with family to distract my mind. My parents agreed and I stayed the night with my family and hung out with my younger siblings. I called him during the night to watch a movie, which we had to pause halfway because I was tired.
Because I don’t have a car, my rhythm and routine is off. Usually I text him I leave but while loading my bags back into the car, I didn’t. I arrived home, and told him I was home through text. Keep in mind we were on call the whole time with my mic on but sometimes he takes his headphones out.
I am transitioning to being in my house and he starts to get a little angry that I only talked about cars when I was away, it was a main topic as it consumes my brain and I am anxious about making such a big decision. But I made sure to talk about other topics like the video games we will play when I get back. I also understand that he is going back to an environment that isn’t as good back home, and that he is also hurting because of our long distance.
With heightened voices, I get scared, felt like he came straight for me with his tone alone. Though I know he is trying to convey his pain and it’s not an attack on me. We start arguing about how I am not focused on wanting to spend time with him and that he was waiting for me to get home to have time with me. We both agree we want to do something together and that I will stop looking at cars for tonight. I tell him that, “I need to eat and shower, and I can’t feel what my body needs more so I need help choosing or at least for him to soften his voice so I can calm down.” He tells me to eat but now I realizing I only have 3 dino nuggs which is not enough for a meal which means Im out of my top safe food. It makes things infinitely harder to choose an executive function when I am being told to just choose something in his louder voice.
I feel completely misunderstood, he didn’t do this before, online or in person. My autism affects my decision making and starting tasks so much. So I tell him again while crying, I will need him to soften his voice or I will be very unable to choose. I start panicking, getting into a feeling of meltdown, he says he will do it only after I do something so he can compliment me for moving forward. It’s towards doing something together online for the first time in a month and a half. I decide to set a boundary while struggling to not meltdown onto the floor, knowing he doesn’t want me calling just to hear me cry. So I tell him, “If you do not calm your voice, I will have to hang up to calm down because I cannot do so with a raised voice, but it will take a very long time to calm down.” He gets annoyed by me very easy, and I have lost friends who tell me I am so annoying. It’s scary when he says I am annoying. Especially since I think it’s because of my autism. He chooses to hang up the call for me. I call him back because I am panicking. and then he says, “I can speak softer but I am choosing not to until you do something.” This is so unlike him. So I hang up and then try to call him back. Boundaries are hard.
He isn’t calling be back until I have taken care of myself. When all I needed was his calm voice to calm down and then I could pick out of the little food I have or take a sensory nightmare shower. I told him all i need is his calmed voice. I try to call again. He says “not happening.” I say “that’s stupid” cause to not calm his voice, especially when it will help me pick a task to do things together doesn’t make sense. He said “You're right. Needing a voice to calm down and do stuff is stupid.” I turn off my phone, and cry heavily.
I don’t know what to do, it’s hard to tell if I am in the wrong. Does he need to be more understanding of my autism? Do I need to just get tasks done like an “adult”? I don’t think my struggle is invalid. Do you guys struggle with something similar in emotions and life and being seen as an adult?
submitted by Wonderful_Lime5422 to autism [link] [comments]
I have issues with trauma as well, and anger or conflict from others is something I am learning to cope with. I have been in an abusive relationship before, and have been through therapy. Yet, recently I have gotten off of my meds, (Wellbutrin), from forgetting to take them, but I am currently getting back on them. I have just been on the ring birth control, which I know affects my emotions. I feel like I am going insane. Pain hurts as if I am getting stabbed in the chest and lungs crushed. It’s difficult to convey this. Especially in a relationship.
Before he left, he recommended to spend time with family to distract my mind. My parents agreed and I stayed the night with my family and hung out with my younger siblings. I called him during the night to watch a movie, which we had to pause halfway because I was tired.
Because I don’t have a car, my rhythm and routine is off. Usually I text him I leave but while loading my bags back into the car, I didn’t. I arrived home, and told him I was home through text. Keep in mind we were on call the whole time with my mic on but sometimes he takes his headphones out.
I am transitioning to being in my house and he starts to get a little angry that I only talked about cars when I was away, it was a main topic as it consumes my brain and I am anxious about making such a big decision. But I made sure to talk about other topics like the video games we will play when I get back. I also understand that he is going back to an environment that isn’t as good back home, and that he is also hurting because of our long distance.
With heightened voices, I get scared, felt like he came straight for me with his tone alone. Though I know he is trying to convey his pain and it’s not an attack on me. We start arguing about how I am not focused on wanting to spend time with him and that he was waiting for me to get home to have time with me. We both agree we want to do something together and that I will stop looking at cars for tonight. I tell him that, “I need to eat and shower, and I can’t feel what my body needs more so I need help choosing or at least for him to soften his voice so I can calm down.” He tells me to eat but now I realizing I only have 3 dino nuggs which is not enough for a meal which means Im out of my top safe food. It makes things infinitely harder to choose an executive function when I am being told to just choose something in his louder voice.
I feel completely misunderstood, he didn’t do this before, online or in person. My autism affects my decision making and starting tasks so much. So I tell him again while crying, I will need him to soften his voice or I will be very unable to choose. I start panicking, getting into a feeling of meltdown, he says he will do it only after I do something so he can compliment me for moving forward. It’s towards doing something together online for the first time in a month and a half. I decide to set a boundary while struggling to not meltdown onto the floor, knowing he doesn’t want me calling just to hear me cry. So I tell him, “If you do not calm your voice, I will have to hang up to calm down because I cannot do so with a raised voice, but it will take a very long time to calm down.” He gets annoyed by me very easy, and I have lost friends who tell me I am so annoying. It’s scary when he says I am annoying. Especially since I think it’s because of my autism. He chooses to hang up the call for me. I call him back because I am panicking. and then he says, “I can speak softer but I am choosing not to until you do something.” This is so unlike him. So I hang up and then try to call him back. Boundaries are hard.
He isn’t calling be back until I have taken care of myself. When all I needed was his calm voice to calm down and then I could pick out of the little food I have or take a sensory nightmare shower. I told him all i need is his calmed voice. I try to call again. He says “not happening.” I say “that’s stupid” cause to not calm his voice, especially when it will help me pick a task to do things together doesn’t make sense. He said “You're right. Needing a voice to calm down and do stuff is stupid.” I turn off my phone, and cry heavily.
I don’t know what to do, it’s hard to tell if I am in the wrong. Does he need to be more understanding of my autism? Do I need to just get tasks done like an “adult”? I don’t think my struggle is invalid. Do you guys struggle with something similar in emotions and life and being seen as an adult?
2024.05.19 21:46 gaveup12 My sister fired me
This all happened a year back. I (30M) was working for a medium scale business as a associate. I have a sister (28F) who also studied the same field as mine and once she graduated I referred her to my company and she was selected for the same role as me. We have been working together for 6 years and I had worked alone for 8 years. I know the she is qualified more than me for this role, so I knew she had the potential to grow better in this industry that's why 3 years ago when our manager quit the role and when the company was looking to promote someone from the team to the position even I voted my sister as I trusted in her capabilities. She and I got along really well, but once she became manager, she slowly started drifting away, as in she had her own circle of friends in office and I did not mind it as I too had a couple of friends who I frequently hang in the office before she came in.
The problem arose 2 years ago when the company was downsizing since during covid they mass recruited as the work demanded more and the company earned more but after covid when things went back to normal, they were paying more people but the work was less. Seems fair. So all the managers and HRs were informed about this and were asked to identify individuals who are unproductive to send them out of the company. Even my sister was a part of the email chain. Her circle of friends are none other then some of our colleagues who work along with us. These colleagues and I dont get along very well since we had an altercation in the first year of me joining about them dumping the work load on the rest of the team and basically I whistle blew and they haven't spoken with me ever since apart from general work discussions. So that's why I distanced myself with my sister as she became good friends with them. She knew we were not in good terms but did not know the reason.
So for downsizing she had to do research on the productivity metric and she went to ask her group about the members who are unproductive and they obviously pointed at me and another colleague of ours. I did not know about the reason of her targeting me until later after I was out of the job. So, she basically called me in to a meeting in her cabin with HR and straight forward said that I would have resign myself or I would be terminated from the job and that would look bad on my resume. When enquired the reason she said that I was not a team player and I am unproductive compared to the rest. I was pissed and angry but I asked her if she really thought that and she said that she had reasonable means to send me out. I asked her whether she took my actual work into account when taking this decision. She just said that she knows what she was doing and that I should resign. I just resigned on the spot and told her that we are done and we are not even siblings anymore and to not contact me anymore. I had two securities follow me when I went to collect my things and left the office. And I took my things and left. The next day my friend from work called and informed the above mentioned reasons for my termination. I just shook my head in disbelief and said that I don't care.
Indeed I have to pay bills, so without wasting time, I applied for similar roles in other companies and it took 3 months for me to get back into another job with a decent hike and a senior position at that. I was happy with the outcome. My family knew what happened and everyone supported her in the terms of her being impartial and true to herself instead of supporting Nepotism and that I should be ashamed of myself. I tried explaining the real reason but none were ready to listen to it, including my parents. So I went no contact with them saying they have only child and its their daughter and that their son is dead. I moved on with myself. The new job was in a different state from where I was from. So basically I moved away from my family and friends. I was still in touch with only friend from work who knew about what happened. My family tried contacting a few times basically asking me to stop being childish and to comeback. After ignoring them for a month they said that they are disowning me as I am making my sister feel guilty for her genuine right decision. So I said Ok and blocked them all.
They have not reached me from then. I know that I blocked their contacts but they still had other means like my email, getting alternate number or calling through relatives but no efforts taken. So I took the loss and moved on. That was until few weeks ago, I got a call from an unknown number, I just picked up the call and I heard my sister crying on the other end. I immediately knew who it was and I cut the call. This was followed by my family who called back to back and I did not pick any call. I just muted my phone and went to sleep that evening. The next day I woke up to 56 missed calls from my mom, dad and my sister. Followed by a message from her saying that she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake and that she wants to apologize to me and reconcile. I did not respond and I called my friend asking if anything happened at the office. He filled me in on the recent turn of events. Apparently my sister saw a dip in the productivity of the team after the other colleague and I quit the company. When they did the analysis to prepare the year end report she noticed significant dip in productivity after we quit. So, she went back to do the math on the work the new joiners and the existing members have done and noticed that even the newly joined employees had worked more than her circle of friends. That's when it hit her that I was not lying and that I meant it when I asked her to look at the work we do. After that, she had a warning from her Heads and following which she has basically terminated all her friends who were causing the dip in the work. From the calls and messages I can see that she has come clean with all our friends and relatives and she is desperate to contact me and apologize to me. To be honest I have moved on. I responded back that I forgave her for blindly trusting people and sacking me but that I will never forget what she did and that I don't hold a grudge against her but I want no contact that I was not related to them when they decided to disown me. This brings me to yesterday. I was at home and I heard someone ring the doorbell. I opened the door without any thought and noticed mom dad and sister standing at the door. I immediately closed the door. They kept banging the door. I just calmly responded back saying that they dont have to reconcile with me. They can move on with their lives, that I forgave them but that I dont want anything to do with them. I know that I may have been harsh but what I said is what I felt.
For additional context, I do have a girlfriend who is 37F (we met after I moved to this new place). She is with a 4 year old son but she never married to her baby daddy since he was not interested to get married by my gf wanted to marry and settle down. They broke up because of that but are cordial since they have a kid and for his sake. She knows about all the things that happened, she said that she supports me but that she feels that my sister made a stupid mistake of trusting people who she genuinely thought of as her friends. I don't think that is an enough reason for her blindly sacking her own brother out who helped with her career.
TBH, her forcing me to quit actually helped with my career growth, since I am in a senior position at this new job and I earn around 70 percent more than what I earned earlier. I am saving up for a down payment to buy a house at this new place as I am staying at a rented space and I feel the rent is expensive. (Why pay someone when I can pay the dues for my own place?)
Also, I am not from US. I am from a third world country. So trust me when I say this, suing the ex company and ex colleagues is a waste of my time and money as it will take years to even see some form of justice.
TL;DR! My sister fired me trusting her work friends and a year later she understood what happened and now she wants to reconcile but I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her or my family.
submitted by gaveup12 to relationships [link] [comments]
The problem arose 2 years ago when the company was downsizing since during covid they mass recruited as the work demanded more and the company earned more but after covid when things went back to normal, they were paying more people but the work was less. Seems fair. So all the managers and HRs were informed about this and were asked to identify individuals who are unproductive to send them out of the company. Even my sister was a part of the email chain. Her circle of friends are none other then some of our colleagues who work along with us. These colleagues and I dont get along very well since we had an altercation in the first year of me joining about them dumping the work load on the rest of the team and basically I whistle blew and they haven't spoken with me ever since apart from general work discussions. So that's why I distanced myself with my sister as she became good friends with them. She knew we were not in good terms but did not know the reason.
So for downsizing she had to do research on the productivity metric and she went to ask her group about the members who are unproductive and they obviously pointed at me and another colleague of ours. I did not know about the reason of her targeting me until later after I was out of the job. So, she basically called me in to a meeting in her cabin with HR and straight forward said that I would have resign myself or I would be terminated from the job and that would look bad on my resume. When enquired the reason she said that I was not a team player and I am unproductive compared to the rest. I was pissed and angry but I asked her if she really thought that and she said that she had reasonable means to send me out. I asked her whether she took my actual work into account when taking this decision. She just said that she knows what she was doing and that I should resign. I just resigned on the spot and told her that we are done and we are not even siblings anymore and to not contact me anymore. I had two securities follow me when I went to collect my things and left the office. And I took my things and left. The next day my friend from work called and informed the above mentioned reasons for my termination. I just shook my head in disbelief and said that I don't care.
Indeed I have to pay bills, so without wasting time, I applied for similar roles in other companies and it took 3 months for me to get back into another job with a decent hike and a senior position at that. I was happy with the outcome. My family knew what happened and everyone supported her in the terms of her being impartial and true to herself instead of supporting Nepotism and that I should be ashamed of myself. I tried explaining the real reason but none were ready to listen to it, including my parents. So I went no contact with them saying they have only child and its their daughter and that their son is dead. I moved on with myself. The new job was in a different state from where I was from. So basically I moved away from my family and friends. I was still in touch with only friend from work who knew about what happened. My family tried contacting a few times basically asking me to stop being childish and to comeback. After ignoring them for a month they said that they are disowning me as I am making my sister feel guilty for her genuine right decision. So I said Ok and blocked them all.
They have not reached me from then. I know that I blocked their contacts but they still had other means like my email, getting alternate number or calling through relatives but no efforts taken. So I took the loss and moved on. That was until few weeks ago, I got a call from an unknown number, I just picked up the call and I heard my sister crying on the other end. I immediately knew who it was and I cut the call. This was followed by my family who called back to back and I did not pick any call. I just muted my phone and went to sleep that evening. The next day I woke up to 56 missed calls from my mom, dad and my sister. Followed by a message from her saying that she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake and that she wants to apologize to me and reconcile. I did not respond and I called my friend asking if anything happened at the office. He filled me in on the recent turn of events. Apparently my sister saw a dip in the productivity of the team after the other colleague and I quit the company. When they did the analysis to prepare the year end report she noticed significant dip in productivity after we quit. So, she went back to do the math on the work the new joiners and the existing members have done and noticed that even the newly joined employees had worked more than her circle of friends. That's when it hit her that I was not lying and that I meant it when I asked her to look at the work we do. After that, she had a warning from her Heads and following which she has basically terminated all her friends who were causing the dip in the work. From the calls and messages I can see that she has come clean with all our friends and relatives and she is desperate to contact me and apologize to me. To be honest I have moved on. I responded back that I forgave her for blindly trusting people and sacking me but that I will never forget what she did and that I don't hold a grudge against her but I want no contact that I was not related to them when they decided to disown me. This brings me to yesterday. I was at home and I heard someone ring the doorbell. I opened the door without any thought and noticed mom dad and sister standing at the door. I immediately closed the door. They kept banging the door. I just calmly responded back saying that they dont have to reconcile with me. They can move on with their lives, that I forgave them but that I dont want anything to do with them. I know that I may have been harsh but what I said is what I felt.
For additional context, I do have a girlfriend who is 37F (we met after I moved to this new place). She is with a 4 year old son but she never married to her baby daddy since he was not interested to get married by my gf wanted to marry and settle down. They broke up because of that but are cordial since they have a kid and for his sake. She knows about all the things that happened, she said that she supports me but that she feels that my sister made a stupid mistake of trusting people who she genuinely thought of as her friends. I don't think that is an enough reason for her blindly sacking her own brother out who helped with her career.
TBH, her forcing me to quit actually helped with my career growth, since I am in a senior position at this new job and I earn around 70 percent more than what I earned earlier. I am saving up for a down payment to buy a house at this new place as I am staying at a rented space and I feel the rent is expensive. (Why pay someone when I can pay the dues for my own place?)
Also, I am not from US. I am from a third world country. So trust me when I say this, suing the ex company and ex colleagues is a waste of my time and money as it will take years to even see some form of justice.
TL;DR! My sister fired me trusting her work friends and a year later she understood what happened and now she wants to reconcile but I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her or my family.
2024.05.19 21:42 EssayFragrant9054 SF Bay Area Sunroof Repair
I’m looking to repair my 2011 Cadillac SRX leaking sunroof. Local Cadillac repair in the city says I should find someone that specializes in sunroof repair. Any recommendations out there? Looks like I need all the lines cleaned out and seals replaced. Then I can have my fried lift gate replaced.
It’s paid for and I don’t have covered parking here in San Francisco so it doesn’t make sense to me to buy a newer car.
submitted by EssayFragrant9054 to SanFranciscoSecrets [link] [comments]
It’s paid for and I don’t have covered parking here in San Francisco so it doesn’t make sense to me to buy a newer car.
2024.05.19 21:35 LunchThreatener [Garafolo] The #Commanders are working to hire #Lions exec Brandon Sosna for a high-ranking front-office role, sources say. The fast-rising Sosna, 31, spent the last two years as Detroit’s senior director, football administration after a three-year stint as USC’s chief of staff.
| | submitted by LunchThreatener to detroitlions [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 21:18 Ill_Chicken6173 Daddy issues? New Father figure switched up on me. I’m so lost, disappointed, and depressed.
Background: I [F20] have a narcissistic father. He is well known and appreciated as a political power In my city, but he is so manipulative to everyone. I believe that he may be kind deep down and I know he loves me as his daughter. But since he has grown in popularity and fame, he wants me to fit into a mold of a person that I am not. He constantly talks about me in his podcasts and newsletters, portraying me as a “wild child” argumentative “bra burner” type. I can’t stand it bc ppl think I’m mean before I even meet them. He also got heat in 2020 which led to my car getting keyed by far right winged ppl and my family is also harassed constantly even though I have nothing to do with his political position. Our relationship completely fell apart during Covid. He never stood up for me when people were harassing me and said he couldn’t intervene bc of his power position. He also makes fun of anyone of my multitude of hobbies to my face, but brags about them to colleagues. He says all the right things that a dad should say, but it has never been sincere. When my brother and me made him mad as kids, he would give us the silent treatment for days at a time.
Current issue: So long story, but I loved far away out of state for college to a small lib arts school so I could get away. I got lonely, fell into the wrong group, and eventually got redzoned by a senior athlete who took me under his wing. it was pretty bad for me so I talked to a teachers assistant that I was comfortable with and treated like a sister. But later on she told me that she was a mandated reporter and had to tell her boss who happened to be my professor as well. when he found out he started crying and it was the first time that I had ever experienced genuine empathy over something that had happened to me. Later on he walked me to the title IX office and waited for me to fill out a complaint and meet with the administrator. As the process continued he constantly checked on me and met with me to see how I was doing. He was also the head coach of my college sport so I was basically seeing him every day for multiple hours. I have never experienced so much support in my lifetime emotionally and philosophically. He was the first person to genuinely support my interests and invest in my mental well-being. And I know that the father figure persona may come off as delusional however multiple people noticed this dynamic and some ppl on my team even upset that I was the favorite and treated like his daughter. The next year he had even made me his teachers assistant and constantly checked on me like before. And when I got a boyfriend he interrogated him just like a dad and I got embarrassed and my teammates took notice to it that he was acting like my dad. A couple months later he told me that he was going through a divorce from what I thought was a dream couple. I had even grown close with his soon to be ex wife and felt like I was part of the family. . Regardless I continue to walk his dog every day help with class assignments and talk to him like that I was his daughter. I wouldn’t be so upset if he didn’t reciprocate the energy that I was making up about him being a father figure but it was blatantly obvious And he most definitely played a role in it. Early in this fall semester it seemed like he completely abandoned this idea of being my father especially since he got a new girlfriend. It’s not like we were attracted to each other I genuinely saw him as a father so I’m not really sure why things got mixed up here at this point. Anyways since I was assaulted my freshman year I had developed a substance abuse problem and it had gotten way out of hand this semester. Before this I could be open with him about it and he’s very kind and understanding and offered resources that were personal and his friends not just the typical school resources. Anyways since I opened up that time he’s increasingly become more distant and people have noticed. I started to think that he hated me but I’m really not sure. I mainly think now that he realize that he had crossed a boundary and he had to go back on it However he did it so abruptly but I feel completely abandoned and useless and it seems like everything we’ve ever talked about before never even happened and in the end i just think it’s a shitty thing to do you know? I think it’s totally fine to set boundaries in the beginning to not take on the role as a father figure but to take them on And then completely leave has been so detrimental to my well-being. Since I don’t have a reliable dad to go back to at home I feel like I kind of have no one except my mom but I’d really like a father figure. My mom even acknowledge that this person would be a good father figure even though mine has been present every year of my life which I thought was strange. Anyways I feel like I was just filling the gap of his divorce and his emotional pain at the time and now I think he’s grown tired of me and I don’t really know what to do and all I can say is that I am never been this depressed before And I don’t realistically know any real person to talk to about it. If any of you in this sub Reddit have experience similar to this please please please tell me how you cope. I wish I never met him.
submitted by Ill_Chicken6173 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Current issue: So long story, but I loved far away out of state for college to a small lib arts school so I could get away. I got lonely, fell into the wrong group, and eventually got redzoned by a senior athlete who took me under his wing. it was pretty bad for me so I talked to a teachers assistant that I was comfortable with and treated like a sister. But later on she told me that she was a mandated reporter and had to tell her boss who happened to be my professor as well. when he found out he started crying and it was the first time that I had ever experienced genuine empathy over something that had happened to me. Later on he walked me to the title IX office and waited for me to fill out a complaint and meet with the administrator. As the process continued he constantly checked on me and met with me to see how I was doing. He was also the head coach of my college sport so I was basically seeing him every day for multiple hours. I have never experienced so much support in my lifetime emotionally and philosophically. He was the first person to genuinely support my interests and invest in my mental well-being. And I know that the father figure persona may come off as delusional however multiple people noticed this dynamic and some ppl on my team even upset that I was the favorite and treated like his daughter. The next year he had even made me his teachers assistant and constantly checked on me like before. And when I got a boyfriend he interrogated him just like a dad and I got embarrassed and my teammates took notice to it that he was acting like my dad. A couple months later he told me that he was going through a divorce from what I thought was a dream couple. I had even grown close with his soon to be ex wife and felt like I was part of the family. . Regardless I continue to walk his dog every day help with class assignments and talk to him like that I was his daughter. I wouldn’t be so upset if he didn’t reciprocate the energy that I was making up about him being a father figure but it was blatantly obvious And he most definitely played a role in it. Early in this fall semester it seemed like he completely abandoned this idea of being my father especially since he got a new girlfriend. It’s not like we were attracted to each other I genuinely saw him as a father so I’m not really sure why things got mixed up here at this point. Anyways since I was assaulted my freshman year I had developed a substance abuse problem and it had gotten way out of hand this semester. Before this I could be open with him about it and he’s very kind and understanding and offered resources that were personal and his friends not just the typical school resources. Anyways since I opened up that time he’s increasingly become more distant and people have noticed. I started to think that he hated me but I’m really not sure. I mainly think now that he realize that he had crossed a boundary and he had to go back on it However he did it so abruptly but I feel completely abandoned and useless and it seems like everything we’ve ever talked about before never even happened and in the end i just think it’s a shitty thing to do you know? I think it’s totally fine to set boundaries in the beginning to not take on the role as a father figure but to take them on And then completely leave has been so detrimental to my well-being. Since I don’t have a reliable dad to go back to at home I feel like I kind of have no one except my mom but I’d really like a father figure. My mom even acknowledge that this person would be a good father figure even though mine has been present every year of my life which I thought was strange. Anyways I feel like I was just filling the gap of his divorce and his emotional pain at the time and now I think he’s grown tired of me and I don’t really know what to do and all I can say is that I am never been this depressed before And I don’t realistically know any real person to talk to about it. If any of you in this sub Reddit have experience similar to this please please please tell me how you cope. I wish I never met him.
2024.05.19 21:11 Comfortable_Net_4683 Do you read lines in brackets?
i’m practicing a monologue from “The Senior Superlatives Monologues”. It’s the Almost Dramatic one talking about getting typecasted as the mayor’s wife role. Anyways, there’s a part at the end of the first chapter that’s in brackets “[Even if that boy is probably gay.]” and i don’t know wether or not to say that. i can’t find any videos of anyone speaking that particular monologue. so if you find one, please share it with me!
submitted by Comfortable_Net_4683 to acting [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 21:09 Vera_Verse The post credit scene for CoD: Modern Warfare 3 (2011) has been restored. Previously, we had 3 audio files proving the existence of the cut content, "Ominous stranger" for the background music, "Shadowman enter" and "Shadowman exit" for the footsteps
As a respectable journalist of useless themes, first thing I did was go to the source, to see if it's the real deal or not, and here's what I can safely say:
The content was restored by a YouTube channel named "yo yo". They're from Russia, with an account created in January 28th, 2018. They've been uploading CoD videos ever since the inception of the channel, and they showcase stuff like custom game modes, work in progress sound effects or game systems (like grenade sounds or water splashes) and recently some cut content. 13 days ago they uploaded a version of the mission "Persona non grata" that does not exist in the game, with small differences like voice lines and a different intro with Soap's POV https://youtu.be/Ljofv3oCfTo?si=xUKH6QQI-sPRY-Ix
So okay, small channel that is really into old Call of Duty.
The video was then uploaded to Vlad Loktionov's channel, another small CoD YouTuber that has an online presence since December 11, 2011, and they're a CoD modder. On Twitter, they appear to also search for "cut" or changed content from the OG MW Trilogy.
With all of this, both modders seem to be invested in this way before it was cool, for stuff 99% of YouTube wouldn't bat an eye, so I'm not inclined to say this is a clout chasing move.
submitted by Vera_Verse to TwoBestFriendsPlay [link] [comments]
The content was restored by a YouTube channel named "yo yo". They're from Russia, with an account created in January 28th, 2018. They've been uploading CoD videos ever since the inception of the channel, and they showcase stuff like custom game modes, work in progress sound effects or game systems (like grenade sounds or water splashes) and recently some cut content. 13 days ago they uploaded a version of the mission "Persona non grata" that does not exist in the game, with small differences like voice lines and a different intro with Soap's POV https://youtu.be/Ljofv3oCfTo?si=xUKH6QQI-sPRY-Ix
So okay, small channel that is really into old Call of Duty.
The video was then uploaded to Vlad Loktionov's channel, another small CoD YouTuber that has an online presence since December 11, 2011, and they're a CoD modder. On Twitter, they appear to also search for "cut" or changed content from the OG MW Trilogy.
With all of this, both modders seem to be invested in this way before it was cool, for stuff 99% of YouTube wouldn't bat an eye, so I'm not inclined to say this is a clout chasing move.
2024.05.19 21:08 MemoraNetwork Dead cat!? I don’t f*cking care!!
Sorry kinda long, but context 🤷
First time I've been first party in a real interaction vs being the observer. Wife and I keep to ourselves and try to avoid the public as much as we can for good reasons, we are respectable quiet neighbors and have lived here for 8+ years with zero problems, and have never had a negative issue with anyone… but this guy…
8 months ago, this very senior golden retriever was running around a ditch next to a busy highway, wife who is an ex-vet tech of 20 yrs, pulls over to help and realizes it's our neighbors dog per his id tag/collar, whom we've never had more than a hello and head nod from prior to this, she gets the dog wrangled and takes him back (over ½ miles from home) just to proceed to being yelled at about touching his dog and “she let him out the back fence on purpose” etc… it's crazy shit, but my wife did the right thing, said he's crazy and has moved on/forgotten. Dog saved, mission success.
I'm asleep and got this second hand until i was awakened…
Nice crisp morning this am, wife planting flowers in front garden bed, an approximately 6 months old cat gets ran over in the street basically right in front of her, on the opposite side of the street from our house. A small picket fence and sidewalk separated her from the street, she had a front row view and heard the “squish”-her tear soaked words. She's mortified and upset as any animal lover would be seeing that at 0730 in a rural quiet area, peacefully gardening with a morning coffee. She dawns some gloves and moves the cat off the street respectfully to the closest non sidewalk/road spot , as anyone living rurally understands clearing the roads from animals etc..., This side (opposite our side) has no sidewalk, but it's a gravel berm leading to said grumpy old man's unfenced front yard. She places the body basically on the berm, and there is a row of bushes, with the cat resting under the closest bush in the berm to the street, leaving the animal mostly visible but out of the way/road. Cat had a collar and tags so she knew it was a pet.
As a side note: She had her dog get ran over in front of her when she was 10 and is hyper paranoid still about our animals getting out. I respect it.
Cue Boomer…
As my wife is walking back up our longish driveway to wash her hands and go back to her flowers, she hears “FUCK YOU YA STUPID CUNT” and sees him hurl the body of the cat by the tail, at her into the street and flips her off. My wife doesn't really take shit, it's a reason I love her, she harnesses “rip the band aid right off” mentality. So she turns around, with tears in her eyes being a sensitive animal person and sees his obese bald ass flipping her the bird and laughing. She goes and grabs the cats body out of the street (again) and moves it to behind his back fence/alley and says “technically not your property, it's county’s responsibility now”. I was asleep and didn't see this interaction yet, but she said as she moved the cat he yelled all sleezy like “why don't you suck my dick bitch" So she said some basic shit talking back and stormed up the driveway
I wake up hearing our dogs flipping out cause “ALERT people amz yelling outsidez ALERT”. See her storming up the driveway, I haven't had a sip of coffee yet note you.
She tells me what happened. I look out and he's talking to his other sided neighbor, who witnessed the whole thing too pointing at our place, she's a boomer Karen too, who is 72 and they're friends.
As I hear that he asks my wife about the whole dick situation I'm seeing red and decide to go over there and confront the most "get off my lawn" asshole I've ever ran into.
I have my phone on audio recording in my pocket so I have backup/proof if anything goes amiss.
I'm halfway down my driveway, I hear "What's he gonna do punch me or shoot me or some dumbass shit", it needs to be noted I'm 6’9” ~250 lbs and in pretty fit shape with a decade of CQC and martial arts training so I am aware of power disparity in situations, I stay calm and quiet and get close enough not to yell, but say
Me: "why is your first instinct to think I'm here to instigate violence??"
Boomer: “ I didn't say tha-”
Me:”I'm not deaf I heard you say that, answer me, why do you think violence is an acceptable answer, you coward. Why do you presume I would come over and just assault someone, this shows me your mindset”
Boomer: “well your wife said-”
Me: “ let's talk about my wife, she said you asked her to come and suck your dick and called her a cunt and a bitch, you're lucky I'm not actually reacting... sir have you ever been married”
Boomer: chuckles "yeah actually a few times"
Me: chortles mean and loudly "yeah I bet, no surprises there. How would you have reacted to some old man who is more than double your age, asking your wife to suck his dick and calling her a cunt??”
Boomer: "well I'd be acting like you I suppose"
Me: "okay so you understand you fucked up then, YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ANOTHER MANS WIFE LIKE THIS WITHOUT EXPECTING A HUSBAND TO SHOW UP AND SAY SOMETHING"...
Boomer: "SHE PURPOSELY PUT A DEAD CAT ON MY ROSES"
Me:" no she moved someone's dead pet from the street out of respect and trauma from witnessing a pet get ran over" * admitted dick move, Knowing he lost his goldy a few months ago I ask* "sir have you ever lost a pet?"
Boomer: reacts some nonverbally "yes I've had multiple pets die in my arms"
Me: "imagine your last pet getting ran over, and then ran over by another car and another and another, now that is how some kid is probably going to feel from that mobile home park over there, as that's their cat."
NOTE down the alley behind his fence there's a small mobile home park with some super sweet families and are great neighbors, my son goes to school with their kids, solid people I'm happy to call my neighbors...
Boomer: "I don't fucking care about those Mexican kids and it's a dead cat. Who fucking cares, keep IT OFF MY FUCKING ROSES!"
Me: "first off youre a fucking bigot to bring their ethnicity into this, that doesn't change a fucking thing old man, act your age and have some self respect. YOU think you're a man, be a man and act like one, heres the difference between men and boys, men, care about their community and I was raised properly to respect and be kind to my neighbors, it's obvious you don't care how anyone in the community sees you."
I quietly, firmly said, " you don't talk to my wife, she won't talk to you. You have any issues, you talk to me and best watch how you approach me. I have surveillance and will ensure this is handled correctly"
I saw loads of sweat rolling down the wrinkles of his face and looked into his jaundice laiden eyes. Decided to beat him at his own game, stuck out my hand and he instinctively shook it.
I vice gripped it and muttered, "and if you ever talk to me or my family like that again, I'll be going to jail..." And walked off.
I hear as I walk back up the driveway, the Karen friend say “he made good points about a lot of that Ed, probably the best resolution you could've hoped for"
Not really shocked or surprised this occurred, just disappointed
I copied and pasted most of the transcript here from the recording and watched the footage from the videos, it seems to have gone exactly like my wife said... /Facepalm end rant
Tldr: boomer berates my wife and then tells her to suck his dick, for her trying to get a dead pet out of the street, so I confronted him.
submitted by MemoraNetwork to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
First time I've been first party in a real interaction vs being the observer. Wife and I keep to ourselves and try to avoid the public as much as we can for good reasons, we are respectable quiet neighbors and have lived here for 8+ years with zero problems, and have never had a negative issue with anyone… but this guy…
8 months ago, this very senior golden retriever was running around a ditch next to a busy highway, wife who is an ex-vet tech of 20 yrs, pulls over to help and realizes it's our neighbors dog per his id tag/collar, whom we've never had more than a hello and head nod from prior to this, she gets the dog wrangled and takes him back (over ½ miles from home) just to proceed to being yelled at about touching his dog and “she let him out the back fence on purpose” etc… it's crazy shit, but my wife did the right thing, said he's crazy and has moved on/forgotten. Dog saved, mission success.
I'm asleep and got this second hand until i was awakened…
Nice crisp morning this am, wife planting flowers in front garden bed, an approximately 6 months old cat gets ran over in the street basically right in front of her, on the opposite side of the street from our house. A small picket fence and sidewalk separated her from the street, she had a front row view and heard the “squish”-her tear soaked words. She's mortified and upset as any animal lover would be seeing that at 0730 in a rural quiet area, peacefully gardening with a morning coffee. She dawns some gloves and moves the cat off the street respectfully to the closest non sidewalk/road spot , as anyone living rurally understands clearing the roads from animals etc..., This side (opposite our side) has no sidewalk, but it's a gravel berm leading to said grumpy old man's unfenced front yard. She places the body basically on the berm, and there is a row of bushes, with the cat resting under the closest bush in the berm to the street, leaving the animal mostly visible but out of the way/road. Cat had a collar and tags so she knew it was a pet.
As a side note: She had her dog get ran over in front of her when she was 10 and is hyper paranoid still about our animals getting out. I respect it.
Cue Boomer…
As my wife is walking back up our longish driveway to wash her hands and go back to her flowers, she hears “FUCK YOU YA STUPID CUNT” and sees him hurl the body of the cat by the tail, at her into the street and flips her off. My wife doesn't really take shit, it's a reason I love her, she harnesses “rip the band aid right off” mentality. So she turns around, with tears in her eyes being a sensitive animal person and sees his obese bald ass flipping her the bird and laughing. She goes and grabs the cats body out of the street (again) and moves it to behind his back fence/alley and says “technically not your property, it's county’s responsibility now”. I was asleep and didn't see this interaction yet, but she said as she moved the cat he yelled all sleezy like “why don't you suck my dick bitch" So she said some basic shit talking back and stormed up the driveway
I wake up hearing our dogs flipping out cause “ALERT people amz yelling outsidez ALERT”. See her storming up the driveway, I haven't had a sip of coffee yet note you.
She tells me what happened. I look out and he's talking to his other sided neighbor, who witnessed the whole thing too pointing at our place, she's a boomer Karen too, who is 72 and they're friends.
As I hear that he asks my wife about the whole dick situation I'm seeing red and decide to go over there and confront the most "get off my lawn" asshole I've ever ran into.
I have my phone on audio recording in my pocket so I have backup/proof if anything goes amiss.
I'm halfway down my driveway, I hear "What's he gonna do punch me or shoot me or some dumbass shit", it needs to be noted I'm 6’9” ~250 lbs and in pretty fit shape with a decade of CQC and martial arts training so I am aware of power disparity in situations, I stay calm and quiet and get close enough not to yell, but say
Me: "why is your first instinct to think I'm here to instigate violence??"
Boomer: “ I didn't say tha-”
Me:”I'm not deaf I heard you say that, answer me, why do you think violence is an acceptable answer, you coward. Why do you presume I would come over and just assault someone, this shows me your mindset”
Boomer: “well your wife said-”
Me: “ let's talk about my wife, she said you asked her to come and suck your dick and called her a cunt and a bitch, you're lucky I'm not actually reacting... sir have you ever been married”
Boomer: chuckles "yeah actually a few times"
Me: chortles mean and loudly "yeah I bet, no surprises there. How would you have reacted to some old man who is more than double your age, asking your wife to suck his dick and calling her a cunt??”
Boomer: "well I'd be acting like you I suppose"
Me: "okay so you understand you fucked up then, YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ANOTHER MANS WIFE LIKE THIS WITHOUT EXPECTING A HUSBAND TO SHOW UP AND SAY SOMETHING"...
Boomer: "SHE PURPOSELY PUT A DEAD CAT ON MY ROSES"
Me:" no she moved someone's dead pet from the street out of respect and trauma from witnessing a pet get ran over" * admitted dick move, Knowing he lost his goldy a few months ago I ask* "sir have you ever lost a pet?"
Boomer: reacts some nonverbally "yes I've had multiple pets die in my arms"
Me: "imagine your last pet getting ran over, and then ran over by another car and another and another, now that is how some kid is probably going to feel from that mobile home park over there, as that's their cat."
NOTE down the alley behind his fence there's a small mobile home park with some super sweet families and are great neighbors, my son goes to school with their kids, solid people I'm happy to call my neighbors...
Boomer: "I don't fucking care about those Mexican kids and it's a dead cat. Who fucking cares, keep IT OFF MY FUCKING ROSES!"
Me: "first off youre a fucking bigot to bring their ethnicity into this, that doesn't change a fucking thing old man, act your age and have some self respect. YOU think you're a man, be a man and act like one, heres the difference between men and boys, men, care about their community and I was raised properly to respect and be kind to my neighbors, it's obvious you don't care how anyone in the community sees you."
I quietly, firmly said, " you don't talk to my wife, she won't talk to you. You have any issues, you talk to me and best watch how you approach me. I have surveillance and will ensure this is handled correctly"
I saw loads of sweat rolling down the wrinkles of his face and looked into his jaundice laiden eyes. Decided to beat him at his own game, stuck out my hand and he instinctively shook it.
I vice gripped it and muttered, "and if you ever talk to me or my family like that again, I'll be going to jail..." And walked off.
I hear as I walk back up the driveway, the Karen friend say “he made good points about a lot of that Ed, probably the best resolution you could've hoped for"
Not really shocked or surprised this occurred, just disappointed
I copied and pasted most of the transcript here from the recording and watched the footage from the videos, it seems to have gone exactly like my wife said... /Facepalm end rant
Tldr: boomer berates my wife and then tells her to suck his dick, for her trying to get a dead pet out of the street, so I confronted him.
2024.05.19 21:01 Able_Connection8636 New stereo causing problems?
I bought some Chinese stereo for my 2011 wrx hatch me and my buddy pulled the old aftermarket deck out unfortunately he cut the harness plugs out and spliced them together with butt connectors so we had to spend some time going wire to wire connecting the new one with new butt connectors I would have preferred to splice the harness plug back on but I can’t find them anywhere so we got it in got it working well and plugged the usb cables in we also pulled the cabin air filter out since it hasn’t been replaced in a while saw it was gross and didn’t put it back in with the plan to replace it in the morning so I drove home on the way had a engine light pop up saying system bank 1 running rich we looked into it and thought it could be confused since there’s no cabin air filter and no glove box so we put it back on I cleared the code with the ap and drove home then the problem came I drove out today to pick up a new filter and my feedback knock was hitting 11 and 7 every now and then and my fine knock learn was going to -2.80 and it seems to idle rough sits at 1000 then drops to 400 then kicks back up to 700 and repeat could this be the new head unit causing it?
submitted by Able_Connection8636 to WRX [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 20:35 Pure-Confusion-6057 Need Advice : Changing tech stack or not (YOE: 2.5)
Hey, I'm a Senior Software Developer at a Cloud based company. I was originally a DevOps Engineer but got my role changed to SDE and then got promoted to Senior SDE. I have about 2.5 YOE. My majority of work has been in GCP and being a DevOps engineer (my current project still requires me to be a DevOps engineer). I have great experience in GCP, Docker, K8s, Linux since it is my day to day work. I also have great knowledge about JavaScript, ReactJS and ExpressJS (which I learned from bootcamps did a bit or projects and did some two or three minor projects in my org). My salary is fairly good compared to market standards i.e. around 10-11LPA
I joined Scaler a year back (Bad choice I know, don't judge), I learned DSA from it and have been practicing it daily, although a little less confident I believe I can crack easy/medium problems but still struggle with hards.
My recent dilemma is that I'm good with JS, C++(which I use for DSA). All the jobs I see are for Java. Now I know big companies can be a bit language agnostic since DSA being their most important round/s. I need guidance from a Senior on how to progress further from this, I don't mind learning Java and any framework associated with it (when I say learn I mean really learn the insides of the language, how it works, getting really deep, same as I did with JavaScript). I don't mind creating any projects from what I learn.
What I know is that the market is really bad am I am getting confused/scared of making bad choices at this point in my career that can take a toll on it in the future. Thanks for reading till here, it'll be of help any suggestions/roadmaps I can get from anyone.
TLDR: Been a DevOps engineer for 2.5 years, shifted role to Senior SDE. Org is completely DevOps based work and I know JS frameworks, need some guidance on whether to learn java or what path to follow. Good with DSA (using C++).
submitted by Pure-Confusion-6057 to developersIndia [link] [comments]
I joined Scaler a year back (Bad choice I know, don't judge), I learned DSA from it and have been practicing it daily, although a little less confident I believe I can crack easy/medium problems but still struggle with hards.
My recent dilemma is that I'm good with JS, C++(which I use for DSA). All the jobs I see are for Java. Now I know big companies can be a bit language agnostic since DSA being their most important round/s. I need guidance from a Senior on how to progress further from this, I don't mind learning Java and any framework associated with it (when I say learn I mean really learn the insides of the language, how it works, getting really deep, same as I did with JavaScript). I don't mind creating any projects from what I learn.
What I know is that the market is really bad am I am getting confused/scared of making bad choices at this point in my career that can take a toll on it in the future. Thanks for reading till here, it'll be of help any suggestions/roadmaps I can get from anyone.
TLDR: Been a DevOps engineer for 2.5 years, shifted role to Senior SDE. Org is completely DevOps based work and I know JS frameworks, need some guidance on whether to learn java or what path to follow. Good with DSA (using C++).
2024.05.19 20:30 aliagamy I hate modern life, society, social media and modern technology
Hi everyone
I, (M-17) have always been addicted to my phone and social media, especially when high school began. Due to my phone and social media addictions' highest peak and effects on me were during my high school years (I recently graduated and am heading to college), It affected my grades and GPA terribley and I barley passed my classes from 9th grade all the way to 11th grade, thankfully my senior year grades are much better.
My improvement in my senior year mainly came from deciding to delete the social media apps I had on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, ect) and recently, in the past few months, I've grown a deep hatred for social media and that it's not about actually socializing anymore but fame and clout and that people will do anything for it. People would rather watch and film someone in trouble for views rather than help them out (not that a scenario like this ever happened but I think you get what I mean lol) Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids (mainly gen alpha) have only ever known these devices and are exposed to so much brain rot and inappropriate stuff online that they have half a brain cell (not literally obviously) and made up a new language (rizz, glazing, gyatt, skibidi, ect)
People these days relay on devices and modern technology so much that they've gotten so lazy and don't have motivation to do anything and even though I don't know what the 90s and 80s were like, I bet they were a lot better than this, not in terms of technology and modernization but how life and people were.(if anyone here is a millennial, please tell me how your childhood was like compared to today) phones and devices in general have negative effects on the brain with an impairment on its development and a huge drop in attention span. (Looking at you TikTok)
People are more isolated and depressed than ever before with little to no emotional or social intelligence. They're always glued to screens with an average screen time of 7-8 hours a day (not sure about the stats to be honest) I'm willing to bet my life that a few decades ago, people always socialized with one another and kids went out and played together, not stayed inside on their phones and tablets.
(This is unrelated but politicians today are so corrupt and only want power and nothing else, not the betterment of the people, country or economy, correct me if i'm wrong but I think this is all throughout history and not just today. I haven't done much research regarding modern politics but I can touch on that deeper in another post)
Back to what I was saying, life today is just you going to work, returning home, eating lunch, then just chilling on your phone untill you go to bed then wake up and do the same thing all over again, you don't even spend time or socialize with anyone. I'm guessing that during the mid to late 20th century, it was the same thing, just with more social interaction and no technology which means that you could do more useful activities like exercising or reading a book.
(My hate spans from social media to technology to society, and even politics)
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not any better than today's kids, but I'm trying my best to do better things than procrastinating and being lazy. I want to hear your opinion on everything I wrote in this mini essay.
Thank You for your time
submitted by aliagamy to offmychest [link] [comments]
I, (M-17) have always been addicted to my phone and social media, especially when high school began. Due to my phone and social media addictions' highest peak and effects on me were during my high school years (I recently graduated and am heading to college), It affected my grades and GPA terribley and I barley passed my classes from 9th grade all the way to 11th grade, thankfully my senior year grades are much better.
My improvement in my senior year mainly came from deciding to delete the social media apps I had on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, ect) and recently, in the past few months, I've grown a deep hatred for social media and that it's not about actually socializing anymore but fame and clout and that people will do anything for it. People would rather watch and film someone in trouble for views rather than help them out (not that a scenario like this ever happened but I think you get what I mean lol) Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids (mainly gen alpha) have only ever known these devices and are exposed to so much brain rot and inappropriate stuff online that they have half a brain cell (not literally obviously) and made up a new language (rizz, glazing, gyatt, skibidi, ect)
People these days relay on devices and modern technology so much that they've gotten so lazy and don't have motivation to do anything and even though I don't know what the 90s and 80s were like, I bet they were a lot better than this, not in terms of technology and modernization but how life and people were.(if anyone here is a millennial, please tell me how your childhood was like compared to today) phones and devices in general have negative effects on the brain with an impairment on its development and a huge drop in attention span. (Looking at you TikTok)
People are more isolated and depressed than ever before with little to no emotional or social intelligence. They're always glued to screens with an average screen time of 7-8 hours a day (not sure about the stats to be honest) I'm willing to bet my life that a few decades ago, people always socialized with one another and kids went out and played together, not stayed inside on their phones and tablets.
(This is unrelated but politicians today are so corrupt and only want power and nothing else, not the betterment of the people, country or economy, correct me if i'm wrong but I think this is all throughout history and not just today. I haven't done much research regarding modern politics but I can touch on that deeper in another post)
Back to what I was saying, life today is just you going to work, returning home, eating lunch, then just chilling on your phone untill you go to bed then wake up and do the same thing all over again, you don't even spend time or socialize with anyone. I'm guessing that during the mid to late 20th century, it was the same thing, just with more social interaction and no technology which means that you could do more useful activities like exercising or reading a book.
(My hate spans from social media to technology to society, and even politics)
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not any better than today's kids, but I'm trying my best to do better things than procrastinating and being lazy. I want to hear your opinion on everything I wrote in this mini essay.
Thank You for your time
2024.05.19 20:22 Outrageous-Monk-913 Stop asking for coding advices
Juniors who are asking about roadmap and shit on this sub ,all I would like to say is do not waste ur time in asking these questions Rn u will asking for which lang to begin then which youtubecourses to follow ,then 4 guys will tell u 4 diff courses then u will get more confused about what to learn and end up wasting the day Currently u r looking for a lang to start later by the end of 1st yr ,will ask webdev or DSA and keep wasting ur time to find the RIGHT lang and the RIGHT course/teacher to learn .If u keep doing this then ,will eventually end up losing interest from coding What in the world will happen if u start with some other lang or some other teacher NOTHING atleast u will understand which type of teaching suits u
All I want to say is : Everyone has a diff mindset and goal it's next to impossible match their roadmap do good sm can study topics from documentations while some need a yt tut who can teach them from basic while some ppl even learn from 2hr oneshots so just pick up a basic lang any reputed teacher and just start with coding start solving probs on cf,cc and once you get a hang of it you will start enjoying coding ,u will automatically figure out your OWN UNIQUE roadmap And even if you need a piece of advice try to take it from someone you know irl ,any senior or teacher now I am not saying that members of this sub or reddit are not qualifies enough to tell u but more the opinions more will be the confusion,secondly the identity is hidden
This is coming from sm1 who has wasted a lot of this in tut trap( during jee (those in t3 clg might relate) ) and now in my fy So plsss just start shraddha didi,code with harry ,coursera ka course ,koi aur teacher jisse pdhna h padho pr plsss start kro nai to regret kroge
submitted by Outrageous-Monk-913 to Btechtards [link] [comments]
All I want to say is : Everyone has a diff mindset and goal it's next to impossible match their roadmap do good sm can study topics from documentations while some need a yt tut who can teach them from basic while some ppl even learn from 2hr oneshots so just pick up a basic lang any reputed teacher and just start with coding start solving probs on cf,cc and once you get a hang of it you will start enjoying coding ,u will automatically figure out your OWN UNIQUE roadmap And even if you need a piece of advice try to take it from someone you know irl ,any senior or teacher now I am not saying that members of this sub or reddit are not qualifies enough to tell u but more the opinions more will be the confusion,secondly the identity is hidden
This is coming from sm1 who has wasted a lot of this in tut trap( during jee (those in t3 clg might relate) ) and now in my fy So plsss just start shraddha didi,code with harry ,coursera ka course ,koi aur teacher jisse pdhna h padho pr plsss start kro nai to regret kroge
2024.05.19 20:19 Pecking_Boi0330 Should i purchase this cayenne
 | 2011 Porsche Cayenne s w 66k kms on it submitted by Pecking_Boi0330 to PorscheCayenne [link] [comments] The guy says that he will repair n service the car and total asking price is 22 lakhs |