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2024.05.20 01:12 Double_R_23fa Cluster B Hate
I have bpd and combat ptsd. Because of this, I feel like I really relate to npd sufferers. I think we’re cousins in a way.
I don’t know how I ended up down the narcissistic abuse rabbit hole. It’s not hard to get there I suppose; every other pop psychology article seems to spew hatred toward npd now days while coddling “victims.”
While I was reading the incredibly hateful, dehumanizing articles and comments out there, I couldn’t help to be shocked. This wasn’t just people saying that narcissists can be destructive or sharing the hurt they’ve experienced. This was stuff I would expect to come from someone genocidal. Most people even knew that NPD is rooted in childhood trauma. They didn’t care. One person even compared people with NPD to cancer. “Cancer doesn’t choose to destroy lives, but you cut it out anyway.”
As someone who had a childhood that could have easily made me npd if I was wired differently, I felt for people with npd as I read this trash. I guess these people don’t understand that personality disorders can happen to anyone. These sanctimonious keyboard therapists really don’t get that not having npd means they dodged a bullet, not that they are inherently better than npd sufferers.
I feel for yall. There is true misery in a personality disorder. It doesn’t make it easier when your mental health issue paints a target on your back to be society’s next scapegoat.
submitted by Double_R_23fa to NPD [link] [comments]
I don’t know how I ended up down the narcissistic abuse rabbit hole. It’s not hard to get there I suppose; every other pop psychology article seems to spew hatred toward npd now days while coddling “victims.”
While I was reading the incredibly hateful, dehumanizing articles and comments out there, I couldn’t help to be shocked. This wasn’t just people saying that narcissists can be destructive or sharing the hurt they’ve experienced. This was stuff I would expect to come from someone genocidal. Most people even knew that NPD is rooted in childhood trauma. They didn’t care. One person even compared people with NPD to cancer. “Cancer doesn’t choose to destroy lives, but you cut it out anyway.”
As someone who had a childhood that could have easily made me npd if I was wired differently, I felt for people with npd as I read this trash. I guess these people don’t understand that personality disorders can happen to anyone. These sanctimonious keyboard therapists really don’t get that not having npd means they dodged a bullet, not that they are inherently better than npd sufferers.
I feel for yall. There is true misery in a personality disorder. It doesn’t make it easier when your mental health issue paints a target on your back to be society’s next scapegoat.
2024.05.20 01:12 Internal_Bug4757 Me (26M) and my girlfriend (23F) are on break because of her meds
This girl and I have been dating since november and were planning on meeting up this summer, literally everything was amazing in the relationship and she was so excited everytime we spent time together, but that was until she started taking accutane near the end of february, which made her EXTREMELY irritable and emotionless/depressed. I mentionned stopping accutane for a bit or atleast lowering the dose but it honestly made her even more angry at me, since then I've been trying to be as respectful as I can be and giving her so much space to let her breathe, but even then she would get annoyed if I were to message her more than once or twice a day and has since pushed everyone of her friends and family away, stopped doing almost any hobby that she loved and has been spending her days mostly alone. And now, at the start of this month both her and I decided to just take a break from the relationship until her accutane treatment is over (should be in august) to see how she feels about being together at that point.
I'm someone who normally feels very secure and doesn't worry about much in a relationship so this is really unusual and difficult for me not to stress/worry about especially because I'm not 100% sure that she'll go back to her normal self after the treatment is over.
submitted by Internal_Bug4757 to LongDistance [link] [comments]
I'm someone who normally feels very secure and doesn't worry about much in a relationship so this is really unusual and difficult for me not to stress/worry about especially because I'm not 100% sure that she'll go back to her normal self after the treatment is over.
2024.05.20 01:10 Puzzleheaded_Neck611 I think my mum needs therapy but I don't know how to help her
Hello everyone first post here, just really need advice.
My mum and dad are fighting constantly nowadays. They've been married 20+ years, my sibling and I are in our mid 20s.
The main thing they fight about is that my dad doesn't communicate things to her. For example, he doesn't tell her that he's invited people over for dinner. This was a while ago now and he's since improved so he tells her most important things but today he told her that a group from church were coming for dinner but failed to mention that this one person was also coming. She happens to tutor that person's daughter today so she felt that she needed that information. Cue huge shouting match.
There was apparently also another incident where they went on a trip with a bunch of friends and my dad was talking to someone about our upcoming family holiday to Germany. My mum did not know it was Germany we were going to and made some comment on it, and her friend looked at them oddly. My dad thought he'd told her and said he'd check with me and my sibling to see if he hadn't told any of us. My sibling and I both knew and we thought our mum knew too. She's still mad.
My opinion is that: A) Yes my dad is bad at communicating but he's making an effort, and today was a very particular situation where she happened to be tutoring that person's daughter (she hadn't told my dad about the tutoring either so I especially don't think his oversight was that egregious) B) Neither of these incidents are things to go absolutely ballistic over if you have a healthy relationship C) With the second incident, I don't think it was necessary or productive for her to make a comment on how she had no idea unless she wanted to publicly humiliate my dad and her marriage
Now I think my mum needs therapy because firstly she blows up so so so easily at even the tiniest conflicts. For her the reason for blowing up so much is ALWAYS because "he's been like that for the past 10 years". It's always the straw that broke the camel's back for her. But I've never seen her just moderately angry at him, and also the verbal abuse she throws at my dad when she's angry is, in my opinion, not excusable in any circumstance. From what I know, my dad has not committed any grave sin against her (e.g. cheating). It's always just he forgot to tell her something, he's running his business in a way she doesn't like etc. But the way she screams and criticises him you'd think he's committed some deadly sin against her.
Secondly, when she is angry she doesn't listen to reason AT ALL. Regardless of whether it's my dad speaking or either me or my sibling, she will never listen. We try to explain things to her nicely, calmly, but she just sits there and then picks out certain phrases we've used and criticises them rather than acknowledging the point of what we're saying. Even when my sibling asks her to not interrupt him before he finishes his point, she will literally just keep talking over him in a really loud voice. I ask her to talk a bit quieter because it's hurting my ears FOUR TIMES and she does not lower her voice a single decibel. It's like she becomes deaf when she's angry and it's genuinely childish talking to her when she's in that state.
The problem is she doesn't think one bit that she might be the problem in her fights with my dad. To her, as long as he tells her every little detail and runs his business in the way she wants, their marriage would be perfect. She doesn't realise she is judgmental, a control freak, has anger management issues, and perpetually victimises herself. My dad always apologises for his shortcomings and says he'll make an effort but I've never once heard my mum apologise or admit her wrongs. If she gets too angry she just gets up and leaves the room. She's always been quite childish like this but it's been especially bad recently.
I feel like us suggesting therapy to her will not be received well, but it seems like she really needs it. How do I help my mum?
submitted by Puzzleheaded_Neck611 to therapy [link] [comments]
My mum and dad are fighting constantly nowadays. They've been married 20+ years, my sibling and I are in our mid 20s.
The main thing they fight about is that my dad doesn't communicate things to her. For example, he doesn't tell her that he's invited people over for dinner. This was a while ago now and he's since improved so he tells her most important things but today he told her that a group from church were coming for dinner but failed to mention that this one person was also coming. She happens to tutor that person's daughter today so she felt that she needed that information. Cue huge shouting match.
There was apparently also another incident where they went on a trip with a bunch of friends and my dad was talking to someone about our upcoming family holiday to Germany. My mum did not know it was Germany we were going to and made some comment on it, and her friend looked at them oddly. My dad thought he'd told her and said he'd check with me and my sibling to see if he hadn't told any of us. My sibling and I both knew and we thought our mum knew too. She's still mad.
My opinion is that: A) Yes my dad is bad at communicating but he's making an effort, and today was a very particular situation where she happened to be tutoring that person's daughter (she hadn't told my dad about the tutoring either so I especially don't think his oversight was that egregious) B) Neither of these incidents are things to go absolutely ballistic over if you have a healthy relationship C) With the second incident, I don't think it was necessary or productive for her to make a comment on how she had no idea unless she wanted to publicly humiliate my dad and her marriage
Now I think my mum needs therapy because firstly she blows up so so so easily at even the tiniest conflicts. For her the reason for blowing up so much is ALWAYS because "he's been like that for the past 10 years". It's always the straw that broke the camel's back for her. But I've never seen her just moderately angry at him, and also the verbal abuse she throws at my dad when she's angry is, in my opinion, not excusable in any circumstance. From what I know, my dad has not committed any grave sin against her (e.g. cheating). It's always just he forgot to tell her something, he's running his business in a way she doesn't like etc. But the way she screams and criticises him you'd think he's committed some deadly sin against her.
Secondly, when she is angry she doesn't listen to reason AT ALL. Regardless of whether it's my dad speaking or either me or my sibling, she will never listen. We try to explain things to her nicely, calmly, but she just sits there and then picks out certain phrases we've used and criticises them rather than acknowledging the point of what we're saying. Even when my sibling asks her to not interrupt him before he finishes his point, she will literally just keep talking over him in a really loud voice. I ask her to talk a bit quieter because it's hurting my ears FOUR TIMES and she does not lower her voice a single decibel. It's like she becomes deaf when she's angry and it's genuinely childish talking to her when she's in that state.
The problem is she doesn't think one bit that she might be the problem in her fights with my dad. To her, as long as he tells her every little detail and runs his business in the way she wants, their marriage would be perfect. She doesn't realise she is judgmental, a control freak, has anger management issues, and perpetually victimises herself. My dad always apologises for his shortcomings and says he'll make an effort but I've never once heard my mum apologise or admit her wrongs. If she gets too angry she just gets up and leaves the room. She's always been quite childish like this but it's been especially bad recently.
I feel like us suggesting therapy to her will not be received well, but it seems like she really needs it. How do I help my mum?
2024.05.20 01:10 SadBoiUD How do I (22M) prepare myself for a heartbreak?
So yeah, what the title says. 22M, probably at the worst stage of my life rn, failing at almost all fronts.
Life has been so fucked up for the last 5 years that I've become detached from most things, thanks to my "family". I'm pretty introverted. I do have friends but they all are mostly busy with their own lives and I've become mostly reclusive. Poor mental health and family conditions have contributed to it a lot. I barely have any relationship with my parents either, none due to any fault of my own. So personal life is shit.
I graduated last year, topped my college, and have been preparing for an MBA since then without a job. I had an internship which got over recently, and got a college that I'm not happy with at all. I'll probably have to accept it and go next month because I'm unable to get a job even with a stellar profile and can't even move out of the house for preparing/working peacefully. So failing both academically and professionally as well.
On to the last straw- I've been in love with my best friend of 5 years for a while now. I'm calling us best friends but that is only half true because I've recently realised that even though i considered her to be my best friend, I probably never was hers.
Nonetheless, I've loved her for a while, and it's not "she was the only friend hence I fell for her" "love" - I've always cared about her more than anything, even when my life was at rock bottom (still is). She's amazing and I've truly admired her as a person, which made me fall for her over years.
But recently she seems to be getting more distant every passing day. Earlier our day used to be incomplete if we didn't talk to each other at least once, but now we've reached a stage where she won't even text for a whole month and would seem fine with it. Heck she doesn't even respond to my texts for days, saying that she keeps on forgetting, and doesn't even respond for weeks to the memes that i share, while remaining active on socials. It's like we have lost touch everywhere.
I understand that with growing up comes distance, responsibilities and work, but you can sense when someone is just okay with you not being in their lives. And that's what is happening with me I feel. We barely talk, barely go out, when we do there's a weirdness and we never seem to fully enjoy with each other. When we do go out it's usually just a place/thing where she wants to go, and not to just spend time together. She went through a difficult time recently but is doing better now. Yet she always seems distant with me, which she doesn't feel with her other friends, who she met only a couple years back. She is a lot closer to them now, going out more frequently with them... Even when we are out she's texting with them. This makes me really sad & jealous. I understand that if she's happy with others then it's not my place to be an asshole. But I feel like she just left me behind, leaving me without any answers or explanation, just with my feelings for her. And no, it's not that she knows my feelings for her, I've kept them hidden away pretty well.
I need to get my life together at all fronts. I can't keep these feelings buried any longer if I intend to get my shit together. Hence, at last, I've decided to just come clean to her. I'll ask her if she wants to go out one day and (if she even goes) I'll let her know my feelings. It won't be a proposal, I don't expect any relationship from her, I never did. At this point, I just want my friend back.
Hence the question, how do I prepare myself for a heartbreak, even though I'm in the middle of one right now, failing at everything?
submitted by SadBoiUD to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]
Life has been so fucked up for the last 5 years that I've become detached from most things, thanks to my "family". I'm pretty introverted. I do have friends but they all are mostly busy with their own lives and I've become mostly reclusive. Poor mental health and family conditions have contributed to it a lot. I barely have any relationship with my parents either, none due to any fault of my own. So personal life is shit.
I graduated last year, topped my college, and have been preparing for an MBA since then without a job. I had an internship which got over recently, and got a college that I'm not happy with at all. I'll probably have to accept it and go next month because I'm unable to get a job even with a stellar profile and can't even move out of the house for preparing/working peacefully. So failing both academically and professionally as well.
On to the last straw- I've been in love with my best friend of 5 years for a while now. I'm calling us best friends but that is only half true because I've recently realised that even though i considered her to be my best friend, I probably never was hers.
Nonetheless, I've loved her for a while, and it's not "she was the only friend hence I fell for her" "love" - I've always cared about her more than anything, even when my life was at rock bottom (still is). She's amazing and I've truly admired her as a person, which made me fall for her over years.
But recently she seems to be getting more distant every passing day. Earlier our day used to be incomplete if we didn't talk to each other at least once, but now we've reached a stage where she won't even text for a whole month and would seem fine with it. Heck she doesn't even respond to my texts for days, saying that she keeps on forgetting, and doesn't even respond for weeks to the memes that i share, while remaining active on socials. It's like we have lost touch everywhere.
I understand that with growing up comes distance, responsibilities and work, but you can sense when someone is just okay with you not being in their lives. And that's what is happening with me I feel. We barely talk, barely go out, when we do there's a weirdness and we never seem to fully enjoy with each other. When we do go out it's usually just a place/thing where she wants to go, and not to just spend time together. She went through a difficult time recently but is doing better now. Yet she always seems distant with me, which she doesn't feel with her other friends, who she met only a couple years back. She is a lot closer to them now, going out more frequently with them... Even when we are out she's texting with them. This makes me really sad & jealous. I understand that if she's happy with others then it's not my place to be an asshole. But I feel like she just left me behind, leaving me without any answers or explanation, just with my feelings for her. And no, it's not that she knows my feelings for her, I've kept them hidden away pretty well.
I need to get my life together at all fronts. I can't keep these feelings buried any longer if I intend to get my shit together. Hence, at last, I've decided to just come clean to her. I'll ask her if she wants to go out one day and (if she even goes) I'll let her know my feelings. It won't be a proposal, I don't expect any relationship from her, I never did. At this point, I just want my friend back.
Hence the question, how do I prepare myself for a heartbreak, even though I'm in the middle of one right now, failing at everything?
2024.05.20 01:09 Imaginary_Witness_61 AITAH for playing games back with online "romantic" scammers?
This is a throwaway account I've made to get the answer to this question. A few years ago after my divorce, I joined a couple dating websites and got some inquires from women across the pond. I've even met and talked to some people on here when I posted in OP in the infidelity section a few months back. Some of these women I've have talked to during this period are able to carry on normal conversations, however after usually 3 to 4 days, the conversations usually start to take a turn toward romantic feelings. I just play along with them, lead them on thinking my feelings are real, and even pretend to have breakdowns asking "how they could love someone like me" yadda yadda yadda. To me its all fun in games. I have a great job, active social life, but to me, this is my version of people playing video games. It keeps me interested in what life has to offer. I don't really want to date, so this kind of fills that void for me.
Recently, I asked my friends to participate by creating throwaway accounts and telling one of the girls I had gotten injured just to see how much she would take her scam? Every though my injury happened after a disagreement we got into and I stormed off angry, she completely blamed herself. I told her she wasn't at fault, this way my doing, etc. And after some talking and blissful words on my part, just like that, we are back on speaking terms with her saying how much she adores me.
The issue I'm running into is my friend thinks I'm taking this too far. He says that I am taking advantage of peoples feelings and that a lot of the people are on these sites to actually meet people. He tells me I need to delete my dating apps and tell these girls on reddit that everything I tell them is a lie. I can see his reason as to why some people might think its an AH move, but these are girls that I'm never going to meet, so I don't see the harm in a little roleplaying. To me, I think of it as a real life video game. These girls are talking to me, so that's one less person they can scam. So, AITAH for playing games back with online "romantic" scammers?
submitted by Imaginary_Witness_61 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Recently, I asked my friends to participate by creating throwaway accounts and telling one of the girls I had gotten injured just to see how much she would take her scam? Every though my injury happened after a disagreement we got into and I stormed off angry, she completely blamed herself. I told her she wasn't at fault, this way my doing, etc. And after some talking and blissful words on my part, just like that, we are back on speaking terms with her saying how much she adores me.
The issue I'm running into is my friend thinks I'm taking this too far. He says that I am taking advantage of peoples feelings and that a lot of the people are on these sites to actually meet people. He tells me I need to delete my dating apps and tell these girls on reddit that everything I tell them is a lie. I can see his reason as to why some people might think its an AH move, but these are girls that I'm never going to meet, so I don't see the harm in a little roleplaying. To me, I think of it as a real life video game. These girls are talking to me, so that's one less person they can scam. So, AITAH for playing games back with online "romantic" scammers?
2024.05.20 01:07 Yert8739 The Accessories Planogram
Has anyone ever looked at the stuff in the Accessories planogram and thought that we should call it the All Things Tacky planogram instead? Tacky hats? We got 'em. Furry journals? Got that too. I want some earrings and bracelets but not made from anything real, I don't think I deserve nice things, do you have anything like that? Do we ever!
What's this stuff even doing in a retail store? There's only two places this kind of junk should be sold: flea markets and Pakistani owned convenience stores sandwiched between the glass case holding the vape cartridges and the other glass case with all rhino themed sex pills. The only thing screaming "I was made in a sweat shop by a nine year old!" louder than this planogram is the equally tacky socks they send so much of throughout the winter months.
Everytime I look at the stuff I just think "Wow, the planet had to suffer so this cheap garbage no one wants could be made" and I get very sad. Then I have to remind myself that making this garbage gave someone a job and because of that they had the money to come to my store and by something so then I could have a job and money and go buy something from someone else's store so that they too could have a job so then they have the money to go... You get the point. And then I become even sadder because I realize how locked into this system of making shit that no one wants or needs or asked for but we make it anyway so there's a reason to work people which let's us pay them so they have the money that feeds the unstoppable machine called the economy. And because of this unstoppable machine we're never going to change our ways and instead continue to harm the only home we have so little Jill Stevens down the road can look at a BIC ink pen that someone stuck a hideous fake flower to and say she doesn't want it. And then I start thinking "How long have I been in this restroom? I definitely don't feel like I need to take a shit anymore, when did that happen? Holy shit! I've sat here so long that my legs went numb. I really gotta stop posting shit on Reddit concerning my thoughts about work. I better get back on the sales floor so no one starts complaining they hardly see me"
submitted by Yert8739 to DollarGeneral [link] [comments]
What's this stuff even doing in a retail store? There's only two places this kind of junk should be sold: flea markets and Pakistani owned convenience stores sandwiched between the glass case holding the vape cartridges and the other glass case with all rhino themed sex pills. The only thing screaming "I was made in a sweat shop by a nine year old!" louder than this planogram is the equally tacky socks they send so much of throughout the winter months.
Everytime I look at the stuff I just think "Wow, the planet had to suffer so this cheap garbage no one wants could be made" and I get very sad. Then I have to remind myself that making this garbage gave someone a job and because of that they had the money to come to my store and by something so then I could have a job and money and go buy something from someone else's store so that they too could have a job so then they have the money to go... You get the point. And then I become even sadder because I realize how locked into this system of making shit that no one wants or needs or asked for but we make it anyway so there's a reason to work people which let's us pay them so they have the money that feeds the unstoppable machine called the economy. And because of this unstoppable machine we're never going to change our ways and instead continue to harm the only home we have so little Jill Stevens down the road can look at a BIC ink pen that someone stuck a hideous fake flower to and say she doesn't want it. And then I start thinking "How long have I been in this restroom? I definitely don't feel like I need to take a shit anymore, when did that happen? Holy shit! I've sat here so long that my legs went numb. I really gotta stop posting shit on Reddit concerning my thoughts about work. I better get back on the sales floor so no one starts complaining they hardly see me"
2024.05.20 01:06 Independent-Bend-138 spiritual reading
this is a two-part reading request first is for my great/grandparents and my spirituality second is for my future husband and his spirituality and how to connect with him through dreams
I would like to know if my deceased grandpas(my grandmothers are alive)/and great grandparents are looking out for me in heaven and if they’re I was told that there with me always vry proud of me, they’re grand/ grand daughter I was told that there with me always in particularly I would also like to know if I can sense them and if they’re around me, guiding me through life protecting me from evil or just protecting and guiding me in general in life and with me on my journey to success, i was told I have strong intuition and that I was very intuitive and that I even have six senses and I have psychic abilities. I was told I was 25% psychic is that true?
How can I connect with spirit? Do I need to meditate? Do I need to journal, practice energy work do I need to open up my chakras? How do I get in touch with spirit so I can know what spirit wants me to do? How do I tap into my intuitive side/be tuned with it and use my gifts to help others do I have the ability to read for other people?. tarot energy, even clairvoyant or mediums what is my gift to offer people? Which one am I specifically I was told to try and that I have the ability to read for others And that spirit wants me to try
i’m told that my gift is my intelligence to get into medical school, but I was also told thati also had a gift of healing others. I want to know what spirit wants me to do to help others and how to connect with my love ones that are no longer with me, what must I do?
To connect and speak with spirit and get in touch with my spirit guides and my angels and my guardian angel. And my spirituality.
I would also like to have dreams/visions of my future husband senses if he’s in pain or cry, mad I wanna feel his emotions and his feelings and senses like he does when I’m in pain and feels it when I’m crying or mad, telepathy like I was told that he has dreams of me and even sees me his dreams and dreamt of me as a little boy and that he’s very intuitive
also I would like to see him and his face. And his skin color I know we don’t share the same skin/eye color But I wanna know how he looks like.and his personality and if he thinks of me and what he thinks of me. Are we soul ties? Are we soulmates? Are we twin flames? I was told where twin flames and we share one so split in half we’re also soul ties
I would love it if someone can clarify all these things that I’m thinking about and give me some guidance on how to achieve my goal Ty my initials are T.T if you need them
submitted by Independent-Bend-138 to freepsychicreadings4u [link] [comments]
I would like to know if my deceased grandpas(my grandmothers are alive)/and great grandparents are looking out for me in heaven and if they’re I was told that there with me always vry proud of me, they’re grand/ grand daughter I was told that there with me always in particularly I would also like to know if I can sense them and if they’re around me, guiding me through life protecting me from evil or just protecting and guiding me in general in life and with me on my journey to success, i was told I have strong intuition and that I was very intuitive and that I even have six senses and I have psychic abilities. I was told I was 25% psychic is that true?
How can I connect with spirit? Do I need to meditate? Do I need to journal, practice energy work do I need to open up my chakras? How do I get in touch with spirit so I can know what spirit wants me to do? How do I tap into my intuitive side/be tuned with it and use my gifts to help others do I have the ability to read for other people?. tarot energy, even clairvoyant or mediums what is my gift to offer people? Which one am I specifically I was told to try and that I have the ability to read for others And that spirit wants me to try
i’m told that my gift is my intelligence to get into medical school, but I was also told thati also had a gift of healing others. I want to know what spirit wants me to do to help others and how to connect with my love ones that are no longer with me, what must I do?
To connect and speak with spirit and get in touch with my spirit guides and my angels and my guardian angel. And my spirituality.
I would also like to have dreams/visions of my future husband senses if he’s in pain or cry, mad I wanna feel his emotions and his feelings and senses like he does when I’m in pain and feels it when I’m crying or mad, telepathy like I was told that he has dreams of me and even sees me his dreams and dreamt of me as a little boy and that he’s very intuitive
also I would like to see him and his face. And his skin color I know we don’t share the same skin/eye color But I wanna know how he looks like.and his personality and if he thinks of me and what he thinks of me. Are we soul ties? Are we soulmates? Are we twin flames? I was told where twin flames and we share one so split in half we’re also soul ties
I would love it if someone can clarify all these things that I’m thinking about and give me some guidance on how to achieve my goal Ty my initials are T.T if you need them
2024.05.20 01:06 HappyJohnWalker Is there a guidebook to how business meetings can be most effectively run? Is there a guidebook on how to settle disagreements when there is a lot of infighting? Is it normal to just hear a LOT of thoughts during worship? Why do we get moved to cry during meetings?
So many questions but I thought i'd write them all in subject line so they could come up in search. I just attended my first meeting. I'd been interested in attending for many years, but today I just thought today's the day. I felt I had to go.
I got to the meeting and sat and closed my eyes and instead of focusing on a still point or trying to have no thoughts as I used to do in meditation, I tried to listen expectantly. Granted it was my first time but what I got were thoughts. Coming from the depths maybe, like "you are a writer through and through" and something less deep but useful, about a legal issue i'm working on. Thoughts. But then someone felt guided to say something and I wish I could remember what he said, but it moved me and I started crying. I don't know if it was what he said, to be frank, or just hearing an older man spout wisdom reminded me just how much I miss my grandparents who I loved more than anything. Patient wisdom.
I was embarrased and people were supportive, saying they cried too at the last meetings. That really caught me by suprise. Then I spoke with some of the older folks who'd been going for a long time and they told quickly me there is a lot of infighting and it's a messed up chapter. I was impressed and refreshed by their candor. One of them told me he'd been praying for new folks to come in and oddly, about 5 of us were new and had all felt called to come. And we are all randomly interested in going to a business meeting.
I don't know where this path is leading me. I dont even know much about Quakers, just that I was drawn to a religion where you recognize the divinity in others. I'm hoping the meetings will help me become a more patient, wise person...and who knows one day I thought the Quaker house could foster a good fun positive community... But I'm a total newb and getting ahead of myself.
Anyway so that is the backstory to the questions in my headline:
submitted by HappyJohnWalker to Quakers [link] [comments]
I got to the meeting and sat and closed my eyes and instead of focusing on a still point or trying to have no thoughts as I used to do in meditation, I tried to listen expectantly. Granted it was my first time but what I got were thoughts. Coming from the depths maybe, like "you are a writer through and through" and something less deep but useful, about a legal issue i'm working on. Thoughts. But then someone felt guided to say something and I wish I could remember what he said, but it moved me and I started crying. I don't know if it was what he said, to be frank, or just hearing an older man spout wisdom reminded me just how much I miss my grandparents who I loved more than anything. Patient wisdom.
I was embarrased and people were supportive, saying they cried too at the last meetings. That really caught me by suprise. Then I spoke with some of the older folks who'd been going for a long time and they told quickly me there is a lot of infighting and it's a messed up chapter. I was impressed and refreshed by their candor. One of them told me he'd been praying for new folks to come in and oddly, about 5 of us were new and had all felt called to come. And we are all randomly interested in going to a business meeting.
I don't know where this path is leading me. I dont even know much about Quakers, just that I was drawn to a religion where you recognize the divinity in others. I'm hoping the meetings will help me become a more patient, wise person...and who knows one day I thought the Quaker house could foster a good fun positive community... But I'm a total newb and getting ahead of myself.
Anyway so that is the backstory to the questions in my headline:
- Is there a guidebook to how business meetings are run? I think Quaker in general are not very dogmatic, I could be wrong - but if there is some guidebook that makes things easier I'd love to read it.
- Is there a guidebook or protocol on how to settle disagreements when there is a lot of infighting? The way they seem to handle it here, I'm told, is if one person dissents, they just won't do whatever issue the person is dissenting on, so they got stuck. And membership is dwindling because of the infighting.
- Is it normal to just hear a LOT of thoughts during worship? The thoughts maybe were useful but then I'd return to the listening posture. I was hoping someone would get some message and I was so glad one person did.
- Why do we get moved to cry during meetings? I was surprised to hear some other people said they've been moved to cry too. My theory is that I spend so mcuh time busy reading and writing, that I dont give myself time and space to release or reflect upon the difficult things. Dedicated quiet time like Quakerism offers maybe gives space for things to bubble up, especially when you feel like you have "permission" because people there are kind? Or maybe it's something...more spiritual?
2024.05.20 01:05 Esrd4me PD and the amount of exchanges, make it make sense please
I was hospitalized in February for 2 weeks with kidney failure. Started on Hemo in hospital while pd catheter healed. I've been fully on PD since April 3rd, so I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I apologize if my question is really dumb but I'm really confused on this.
The point of dialysis is to clean out the impurities in our bodies that our kidneys no longer can do correct? That is measured by the UF amount of each session I'm assuming? I'm asking because I want to understand why I need to do 4 exchanges a night when every night, without fail when I look at my cycler data, I'm seeing a pretty clear trend.
If I use 1.5 solution my uf for the session is around 500 total. If I use 2.5 for a session my uf is around 1600 total. If I use a mix I'm usually around 1000 to 1100 uf.
It is very clear to me though looking at the data that almost all of this uf, 1.5, 2.5, or mixed, is coming from 2 exchanges, and the other 2 exchanges are either negative or very close to 0. The negative I'm almost certainly chalking up to how I fell asleep on that particular night as I've experimented doing it awake.
While awake it seems the first 2 exchanges I'll get quite a bit of uf off and the last 2 almost nothing.
So my question is why am I doing 4 exchanges when I seemingly only need to do 2? I'm assuming I'm missing something here that would be the medical reason for doing 4 exchanges past the uf amount, but I have no idea what that is. Can someone help me here?
submitted by Esrd4me to dialysis [link] [comments]
The point of dialysis is to clean out the impurities in our bodies that our kidneys no longer can do correct? That is measured by the UF amount of each session I'm assuming? I'm asking because I want to understand why I need to do 4 exchanges a night when every night, without fail when I look at my cycler data, I'm seeing a pretty clear trend.
If I use 1.5 solution my uf for the session is around 500 total. If I use 2.5 for a session my uf is around 1600 total. If I use a mix I'm usually around 1000 to 1100 uf.
It is very clear to me though looking at the data that almost all of this uf, 1.5, 2.5, or mixed, is coming from 2 exchanges, and the other 2 exchanges are either negative or very close to 0. The negative I'm almost certainly chalking up to how I fell asleep on that particular night as I've experimented doing it awake.
While awake it seems the first 2 exchanges I'll get quite a bit of uf off and the last 2 almost nothing.
So my question is why am I doing 4 exchanges when I seemingly only need to do 2? I'm assuming I'm missing something here that would be the medical reason for doing 4 exchanges past the uf amount, but I have no idea what that is. Can someone help me here?
2024.05.20 01:05 Hazzaw20 The nightmare night, true story
It was a cold, windy night in November. The kind of night where the wind howls through the trees, making them creak and groan like they’re alive. I was alone in the house. My parents had gone out for the evening, and my older brother was at a friend’s house. They wouldn’t be back until late, so it was just me, the silence, and the unsettling noises the old house made in the dark.
I was in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn, watching a movie to pass the time. I’d turned off all the lights except for the flickering glow of the TV, which cast eerie shadows on the walls. I tried not to think about how quiet it was, how empty the house felt, but the creaking and groaning of the house made it hard to ignore.
Then I heard it. A faint sound, just outside the window. I froze, the remote slipping from my hand and clattering to the floor. The noise was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by the steady thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears. I told myself it was nothing, just the wind or maybe a stray cat, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.
I forced myself to keep watching the movie, trying to lose myself in the familiar story. But then I heard it again—a soft, scraping sound, like metal against wood. This time, it was coming from the back door. I muted the TV and strained to listen, every muscle in my body tense.
The scraping turned into a quiet, persistent rattle, as if someone was trying to pick the lock. I felt a chill run down my spine. My mind raced. Should I call my parents? The police? My phone was in the kitchen, and I’d have to cross the dark hallway to get to it.
I crept off the couch, moving as silently as I could, my heart pounding in my chest. As I reached the hallway, the rattling stopped. The sudden silence was almost worse than the noise. I held my breath, listening for any sign of movement. Then, a soft thud echoed through the house. Someone was inside.
Panicking, I darted into the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I dialed 999, my hands shaking so badly I almost dropped it. As I pressed the phone to my ear, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway.
“999, what’s your emergency?” the operator’s voice was calm and steady, a lifeline in the darkness.
“There’s someone in my house,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “Please, send help.”
I could hear the intruder moving closer, the floorboards creaking under their weight. The operator assured me that help was on the way, but I didn’t know how long it would take. I needed to hide.
I slipped into the pantry, pulling the door closed just as the footsteps entered the kitchen. Through the slats, I could see a dark figure moving around, searching for something. I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to stifle my breathing.
The intruder moved methodically, opening cupboards and drawers, the clinking of silverware and the thud of doors slamming shut filling the silence. I prayed they wouldn’t check the pantry, that they’d take whatever they wanted and leave.
But then the door creaked open, and I found myself staring into the eyes of a masked figure. I screamed, dropping my phone. The operator’s voice echoed from the floor, but I couldn’t make out the words. The intruder lunged at me, and I scrambled backwards, my hand closing around a can of soup. Without thinking, I hurled it at their head.
The can connected with a sickening thud, and the intruder staggered, giving me a moment to escape. I bolted from the pantry, tearing through the house and out the front door. I didn’t stop running until I reached the neighbor’s house, where I banged on the door, sobbing and gasping for breath.
The police arrived minutes later, lights flashing and sirens wailing. They found the intruder unconscious in the kitchen, the mask still on their face. I later learned they’d been a wanted criminal, breaking into homes in the area.
That night changed me. The house never felt the same—its comforting creaks and groans now sounded like threats. And I never forgot the terror of seeing those eyes in the dark, the feeling of being hunted in my own home.
submitted by Hazzaw20 to scarystories [link] [comments]
I was in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn, watching a movie to pass the time. I’d turned off all the lights except for the flickering glow of the TV, which cast eerie shadows on the walls. I tried not to think about how quiet it was, how empty the house felt, but the creaking and groaning of the house made it hard to ignore.
Then I heard it. A faint sound, just outside the window. I froze, the remote slipping from my hand and clattering to the floor. The noise was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by the steady thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears. I told myself it was nothing, just the wind or maybe a stray cat, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.
I forced myself to keep watching the movie, trying to lose myself in the familiar story. But then I heard it again—a soft, scraping sound, like metal against wood. This time, it was coming from the back door. I muted the TV and strained to listen, every muscle in my body tense.
The scraping turned into a quiet, persistent rattle, as if someone was trying to pick the lock. I felt a chill run down my spine. My mind raced. Should I call my parents? The police? My phone was in the kitchen, and I’d have to cross the dark hallway to get to it.
I crept off the couch, moving as silently as I could, my heart pounding in my chest. As I reached the hallway, the rattling stopped. The sudden silence was almost worse than the noise. I held my breath, listening for any sign of movement. Then, a soft thud echoed through the house. Someone was inside.
Panicking, I darted into the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I dialed 999, my hands shaking so badly I almost dropped it. As I pressed the phone to my ear, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway.
“999, what’s your emergency?” the operator’s voice was calm and steady, a lifeline in the darkness.
“There’s someone in my house,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “Please, send help.”
I could hear the intruder moving closer, the floorboards creaking under their weight. The operator assured me that help was on the way, but I didn’t know how long it would take. I needed to hide.
I slipped into the pantry, pulling the door closed just as the footsteps entered the kitchen. Through the slats, I could see a dark figure moving around, searching for something. I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to stifle my breathing.
The intruder moved methodically, opening cupboards and drawers, the clinking of silverware and the thud of doors slamming shut filling the silence. I prayed they wouldn’t check the pantry, that they’d take whatever they wanted and leave.
But then the door creaked open, and I found myself staring into the eyes of a masked figure. I screamed, dropping my phone. The operator’s voice echoed from the floor, but I couldn’t make out the words. The intruder lunged at me, and I scrambled backwards, my hand closing around a can of soup. Without thinking, I hurled it at their head.
The can connected with a sickening thud, and the intruder staggered, giving me a moment to escape. I bolted from the pantry, tearing through the house and out the front door. I didn’t stop running until I reached the neighbor’s house, where I banged on the door, sobbing and gasping for breath.
The police arrived minutes later, lights flashing and sirens wailing. They found the intruder unconscious in the kitchen, the mask still on their face. I later learned they’d been a wanted criminal, breaking into homes in the area.
That night changed me. The house never felt the same—its comforting creaks and groans now sounded like threats. And I never forgot the terror of seeing those eyes in the dark, the feeling of being hunted in my own home.
2024.05.20 01:05 RealJoeCracker If Ataru filed a restraining order “Fan Fiction”
 | After seeing this post https://x.com/rumictwt/status/1790865042306683179?s=46&t=LecUCC1i5nxAoNal6ytoqg submitted by RealJoeCracker to uruseiyatsura [link] [comments] I thought of a story where Ataru does just that. I hope you enjoy. What? A restraining order! By Robert C. McGee It’s night at the Moroboshi house. Ataru is on the phone with someone right after getting home, on the other end is a man in a three piece suit. Man: I understand your situation. Seeing how these aliens are especially this one someone needs to put them in their place. Ataru: Thank you very much sir. Man: I’ll speak with who I need to speed this along. Goodbye sir. Ataru: Thank you. Lum is curious to who he’s talking to on the phone at this time of night. Lum: Darling, who are you talking to? Ataru: I was talking to Megane about our upcoming exam. Lum: You were calling a girl weren’t you. It sounded like she was enjoying it. Ataru: Well. She gets angry and shocks him. Ataru’s Mom: It’s surprising he’s still alive. Ataru’s Dad: He’s very resilient. The next morning, there is a knock on the door. Ataru’s mom answers the door. Ataru’s Mom: Yes. Young man: Is Lum here? I have something very important. Lum: It’s for me? She flies down to see what it is. He hands him the paper. Lum: What is this? Young man: You’ve been served. The young man jumps on his bike and rides away like a madman. Ataru’s mom looks at the paper. Ataru’s Mom: It’s a restraining order against you. Lum: Huh? Ataru: That’s right. You are not allowed within 50 kilometers of me or my house. Ataru’s Mom: Ataru? How could you do this?! Ataru: I’d rather spend the rest of my life without getting electrocuted, now pack up your things and leave. He walks right by them out on his way to school. Lum: Does this really mean I have to leave? Ataru’s Mom: For now but I’ll talk with him and get him to change his mind. Ten was waking up as Lum was flying back upstairs. Lum: Ten, we have to leave. Ten: Why Lum. Lum: Darling doesn’t want me here anymore. Meanwhile Ataru was walking to school with a newfound confidence. He can’t believe he finally got away from Lum and she can’t get near him or touch him. Ataru: Uahh! It’s a new beginning, a new day without having to deal with the threat of being electrocuted. Cherry the ever present monk watches Ataru as he walks by. Cherry: There is something different about Moroboshi. This can only be a bad omen. He also watches as a UFO lands near him. A large tall Oni woman gets out and approaches him with her tongue sticking out only to leave. Cherry: I was right. A bad omen. Later in class Lum’s absence is very apparent apparent to everyone. Megane: Hey Ataru, Is Lum sick or something? Ataru: No, I finally got smart and put a restraining order against her. Megane: (Angry) You what?! He’s visibly upset. Shuutarou: Has Miss Lum become such a bother that you have resorted to such drastic measure? Ataru: You try living with her and see what I had to go through. Megane: That’s not a bad idea, maybe she’ll want to stay at my place. Shinobu hears the whole thing and picks up her desk. Shinobu: Ataru! You’ve gone too far this time. At that moment the boys are looking outside the window. Boy 1: Hey look it’s Lum! Megane runs to the window and gets out his binoculars. Megane: That’s not Lum, but whoever she is she looks a bit taller. Ataru hears the commotion and looks to the window and sees the strange Oni girl through Megane’s binoculars. Ataru: She looks like trouble to me. Megane: Just because she’s an Oni you think the worst? Ataru: I’m staying as far away from her as possible. It isn’t too long until Lum and Ten come across the strange Oni woman’s UFO. Lum: Who’s UFO does this belong too? Ten: It seems old and abandoned. Lum: It is old, the paint is fading. Let’s check it out. Lum looks around the outside and finds a marker. Lum: (reading) Property of Vanu She also notices the outer hatch is cracked open. When she peaks inside they are both overtaken by the smell. Ten: What’s that smell? Lum carefully takes a whiff. Lum: It’s perfume. Laced with synthetic human pheromones. Lum begins to get angry. Lum: (angry) This girl is playing dirty. She notices Ten about to fant. Lum: Ten! Cherry: Lum, I saw her. She’s a terrible sight to behold. Lum: Cherry, can you keep an eye on Ten for me. Cherry: Oh course. Lum flies away. Cherry: Good luck Miss Lum, you’re going to need all of it. Back at Tomobiki High School, Vanu has already gotten into the classroom though the window. The boys in class are already crowding around her. Vanu: Boys, boys, boys! Ataru: Yeah that’s us. Seeing how you’re so cute you wanna leave this place with me? Megane: Leave her alone Ataru, you got Lum remember? Ataru: Yeah but I still got that restraining order. Megane: Then just tear it to shreds, I want this girl. Vanu looks at her options carefully but right before she could act she finds herself getting electrocuted. She turns around and finds Lum right outside the window. Lum: Vanu! Leave my darling alone. Vanu: Darling? Ataru: She’s talking about me. Vanu sees Ataru as the most attractive among the boys, she grabs him and jumps out of the window. Ataru: Hey babe not so rough. She runs with Ataru in her hands, Lum follows trying to shock Vanu. Ataru: Oh officer! I have a restraining order against that Oni girl flying above us. Lum flies up higher above 50 kilometers and continues pursuit. Lum: You let my darling go! Vanu: He’s my darling now! She makes it back to her UFO and takes Ataru onboard. Once onboard she closes the hatch, Ataru is overwhelmed by how much the UFO smells just like her and he’s overtaken by the pheromones Ataru: He he he he. It smells so good in here. I want to stay in here. Vanu: Glad you like it darling, do you want to see my play room? Ataru: Yeah I’m ready to play. She leads him though the corridors until they come into a room filled with a bunch of rough toys and gadgets. Ataru is immediately a gasped by what he sees. Ataru: I think I’d prefer your bedroom. Vanu: What’s a matter darling, you don’t like toys? Ataru: I’m 17, I’m clearly too old for toys. Vanu: Not these toys. Outside the UFO Lum is trying to way in. Benten comes flying by on her bike. Benten: Hey Lum, what are you doing with that old thing. Lum: I don’t have time to explain Benten, some strange girl is in there with Darling. Benten gets off her bike and starts hammering in the door. Benten: Hey Ataru! Come out of there already! Vanu can hear the constant hammering. Vanu: Wait for me Darling. Ataru is relieved that he’s no longer in the room with her. He starts looking for places to hide. Benten still hammering on the hatch. Benten: Come out already! Lum: Let him go you darling thief! Vanu has had enough and starts taking measures to drive them away. Benten: Lum look out! A beam fires in their direction. Benten: Those old models aren’t supposed to have weapons like that. Lum: Let him go. She begins to change up for an electric shock. Benten: No point in that Lum. The Outer hull is insulated. Vanu emerges from her ship. Vanu: He clearly doesn’t want you anymore. Ataru sees the opportunity to jump out he runs behind Lum. Ataru: (scared) Oh help me Lum this girl is crazy! Lum: (angry) What about that restraining order?! Ataru: Forget about that and just please keep her away. Lum: Follow me. They both run away. Vanu watches as they run. Benten: Hold it! Your not going anywhere accept back into space! She punches Benten to the ground and runs after them. Benten: (delirious) That really hurt. Lum takes Ataru as far away and as fast as possible. Until she finds an alley way they can hide in. Lum: I think we lost her. Lum peeks out. She sees Vanu at a distance. Lum: She’s getting closer. Ataru watches as Vanu gets close and knocks Lum to the ground. Ataru is surprised to see that her hand is suddenly like metal and tuns back into normal flesh again. Vanu: Come along darling. He notices Lum is down but not entirely out. Ataru: Okay but that was impressive. I’m curious can you make your entire body like metal? Vanu: Sounds like you prefer metal Oni over electrical. She transforms her entire body into metal. Vanu: Does this please you darling. Ataru: It sure does. Now Lum! Lum grabs her leg and shocks her, it’s very painful forcing her to run away. Ataru pulls Lum closer to him and soon they both watch as her UFO takes off leaving Earth. Later at home, he has Lum, Benten, Ten, Cherry, Megane, Shuutarou, his mom, along with the lawyer he spoke with last night. Ataru: Incase you all want to all want to know why you’re here is so you can witness what I’m about to do. He takes out the restraining order and begins to tear it into pieces and throws the peaces into his trash can. Ataru: Lum, my house is your home away from home. She smiles, flies next to him and starts clinging to him like always. Lum: Oh darling. Lawyer: It was nice doing business with you young Moroboshi. I’ll take my leave. The lawyer leaves and soon Megane, Shuutarou, Cherry and Ten go out of the room as well. Megane: Good luck with Lum Ataru. Benten: Husbands can always be unpredictable right Mrs. Moroboshi? Ataru’s Mom: I’m just glad to see them getting along again. THE END. |
2024.05.20 01:05 IseKai_MC Origami above (almost) everyone - DAL vol 10 cover + some illustrations
 | Hello guys, since I read Date a Live, I realized that the novel has a certain quality that even more popular and cult novels do not have and that seems to go unnoticed by the fandom, the covers. Yes, the covers are spectacular and break away from the standard of most LNs, there is not just fanservice, there is not just a character striking a cool pose, we actually have covers with a certain visual narrative, whether a connection with the highlighted spirit itself or with the story itself and I will be pleased to show this to you, here are the rules: submitted by IseKai_MC to datealive [link] [comments]
https://preview.redd.it/erh6epoirg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aff919953d6ba578e05b05deeb01f60b64a7bee0
Calm down, my boy, you haven’t missed anything, in fact I promised plot twists and we have one right on the cover. As for the spirit Origami, I want to draw attention to two things. The first is obviously her astral dress which is a wedding dress, each astral dress follows the taste of its spirit user and Origami as a child had the dream of being a wife, but there is much more than that, so this Astral Dress is a small hint of the main plot, this will become clearer in the Spirit Info topic. The second is about the facial expression, Origami looks like she is waking up, this may symbolize that she has just become a spirit, it may be a premonition of the plot of this volume, which deals with Origami discovering the truth about her past. But this expression will be referenced in a scene that will happen 7 volumes later, when we get there I will talk about it.
Again the subtitle cites the spirit’s surname, the other time this happened was in the volume 4, Sister Itsuka, clearly there is a connection here as the Tenguu-Nankou fire was a relevant event for both spirits, I also believe that the work opts to use surnames if we already know the spirit of the cover and the main reason is that Tobiichi is written with the character 1, let’s go to the next topic.
That is, Origami, among the spirits, is the closest to God. But it’s still too early to talk about this. And yes, spirit number 10 is on the cover of volume 1 and spirit number 1 is on the cover of volume 10, I would have liked to come here and say that I discovered this but Tachibana put this information in the afterword. Her codename is "Angel", again this word, the name of the angel is Metatron.
The scenario is a bit hidden, there are some debris there but nothing that allows to fully identify the scene but obviously there is a fire happening there, which is obviously a reference to that relevant event again, the great fire in Tenguu-Nankou. I don’t even need to say how relevant this event is to Origami’s life, in her first illustration in volume 1, she says: “Five years ago a spirit killed my parents.” Finally, in my opinion this is one of the best covers, again, just imagine you go to the convenience store to buy this newly released volume and find out that Origami is a spirit, just by the shock the value is already high, if you already know the story of the anime and stop to analyze the cover, the value is double the previous one, if you know the whole story of Date a Live, and try to analyze the cover in a deeper way, the value is the squared of the previous one. Let’s open the volume. {Illustration 2} https://preview.redd.it/c4ugx8zkrg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d18e1c3a7176fb4e57acb7a7416e3183d5d526c7 There’s something different about this volume, the compositions have improved a lot, apparently a reflection of the success of the animation. The high school student and protagonist of this story, Shido Itsuka, says: “Tohka and the other girls just want a normal life.” But wait, Shido is tied to a chair in a strange room and there in the middle is a bottle of water. Ok, it seems that Origami really changed sides. The wizard who hates spirits is unyielding and responds that she will not only kill the spirits, “but also the entity that made me have a relationship with them.” In the middle of the illustration there is a crack in the wall, symbolic. {Illustration 3} https://preview.redd.it/7twwgnymrg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11bdb8e276eacb62eaf9ed7b353a704e5d8818c2 Another plot twist, Tohka is in full astral dress. And not only that, the spirit Tohka is making a declaration of hatred to Origami. “Origami Tobiichi, I have hated you from the beginning, but the hatred I feel for you now is probably different from the hatred I used to have before and for that reason, this time I will intend to kill you, don’t die, Origami.” Despite everything, this is a cute declaration because for the first time Tohka calls Origami by her name and not satisfied asks Origami to resist because even though she is angry, she does not want to kill Origami. Tohka will gain a little development in this volume, hence the illustration, we will talk about this scene later. {Illustration 4} https://preview.redd.it/e459j6oprg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5bf272291179a955d8f2f06f1e7aea1bd4abcf4e Gentlemen, one of the best illustrations of DAL. The spirit Origami says: “Metatron!” Tohka says: “Origami, why did you become a spirit!?” In a great composition by Tsunako, Tohka and Origami are referencing the positions of their sephiroth in the tree of life. Origami appears in a superior position, distant from the “camera” and in front of the sun representing illumination, Kether, while the representative of the Kingdom, Malkhut, is in a much lower position, in the foreground and with her back to the reader. So, besides everything, they are staring at each other, symbolizing the mirroring already mentioned before. And speaking of mirroring, do you remember the illustration I asked you to keep? As I know I asked a lot I will make it easier for you, I am talking about the mono illustration number 9 of volume 2, I warned that that image would be mirrored and there it is. In the aforementioned image Origami was still wearing a basic CR Unit from AST and Tohka for the first time debuted in her limited astral dress, the reader’s angle, our angle, brought Origami almost back in the foreground, in the image now the camera position has inversed and now we are with the vision of Tohka. A great illustration but what generates more content here for sure are the illustrations of the table of contents, I’m sure the next one will please some people here. {Table of contents} https://preview.redd.it/pk2fbzqsrg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a97157f277b2b04ba05100a26aa8f41b9d96d5a1 Look who’s back, Kurumi Tokisaki, it’s been a while since I’ve talked about “The worst spirit.” But there’s nothing enigmatic here, it’s just Kurumi from the back (we’ve seen and will see many backs in this volume) and as for the phrase, she just stole Kotori’s catchphrase, I’m sure she wouldn’t be happy if another character started saying “ara ara” around. Anyway, just having Kurumi here is hype enough because, whether you like the girl or not, just her being here is a sign that something relevant is going to happen. {Mono Illustration 5} https://preview.redd.it/q15slhcwrg1d1.jpg?width=766&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b701c43f35ccc5fbfc6be162cd2d428c19ae3817 Ellen seems confident, on the other hand Kotori seems impatient. To ensure that Fraxinus does not interfere with Origami’s fight, Ellen plans to use the newest toy that DEM has manufactured, the Goetia ship (another name related to magic and occultism). Ellen and Kotori have a small dialogue where Shido’s sister tries to provoke THE STRONGEST WIZARD IN THE WORLD, but Miss Matthers is calm today, at least until she mentions Woodman. The duel is unavoidable. {Mono Illustration 6} https://preview.redd.it/0a44e2fzrg1d1.jpg?width=766&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f961966e5f536bd04af5f7325a8d7c98dcb9cce There is a lot to talk about here, let’s start with the context. Origami challenged the spirits Tohka, Yamais, and Miku to a fight to the death and by being equipped with the CR-Unit Mordred, Origami is able to build an advantage in the fight, she leaves Tohka unconscious and hurts the other 3 a lot, the former sergeant-major decides to start the killing by Yuzuru, precisely the spirit she got along with the most. It is at this moment that Tohka wakes up and seeing this whole scene she begins to go through the inversion process, but Tohka manages to interrupt this process, two passages stand out. “This power would not save anyone.” She didn’t want to save just Kaguya, Yuzuru, and Miku, she wanted to save Origami too. “She was an arrogant, violent, uneducated, and foul-mouthed girl, Tohka never knew what was going on in the mind of that girl who always bothered her. Even so, Tohka wanted to hold that girl’s hands.” Tohka says: “Shido, lend me your strength.” And she gets her full powers back. And so the two engage in a really cool fight, at this moment the narration becomes from Origami’s point of view, there is a detailing about the features of Mordred and the fighting movements, time passes a little and Origami begins to feel too confident. She begins to ramble about having the ability to kill spirits, she begins to think about the death of her parents, about what she saw in the DEM report of the fire in Tenguu-Nankou. Clearly Origami is not well, finally her body collapses and we have an illustration. Now talking about the illustration itself, this is a reference to Mono Illustration 2 of volume 1, whose differences I highlight now. The most obvious difference is about Tohka who is no longer with that serious and empty look, here Tohka is clearly angry and screaming, in a way such expressiveness demonstrates how much this girl has developed. Still about Tohka, this time it is she who is making an attack movement, but there is no blood in this image, an indication that it was not an attack to kill. The other difference is about Origami, in that illustration I quote how much the “expressionless” Origami demonstrated tension, effort, and pressure, and I highlight the drop of sweat on her face. Something we can’t do here because this time Origami is with her back to the “camera” not allowing us to see her eyes. “The eyes are the window to the soul” So not showing the eyes is a strong symbolism, you can’t read the person’s emotions, you can’t even recognize the person, humanity is taken from the person and about this, this is the last illustration in which Origami Tobiichi is still human, because… {Mono illustration 7} https://preview.redd.it/1x6bx464sg1d1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b88de0aa5fbe00002ce78523b449d149d102302f Origami became a spirit. “Hey, is it power that you desire?” “What are you?” Origami used [What] instead of [Who] in reflex. [It] might have guessed what she meant and laughed as if it found it funny. “What I am doesn’t matter now.” After becoming spirit Origami, without delay, she goes to Tohka and then we have the illustration which is of Origami using Metatron’s Shemesh skill. {Mono Illustration 9} https://preview.redd.it/43ary5y9sg1d1.jpg?width=766&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25ec601b07e71cd20bc3f1061f2dd8f32daa25df Ara, ara. Origami was so crazy that it was only after seeing Shido and running away from there that this girl began to understand the points, mainly about who gave her the spirit powers, the mysterious “Phantom”. She reflects a little more and realizes that a certain spirit may have the ability to go back in time. About the illustration itself, another beautiful composition by Tsunako, in it we can contemplate Kurumi, apparently on a terrace, with building lights, Kurumi appears joyful in seeing Origami. “It’s been a long time, Origami-san!” As for Origami, again she is with her back turned and carrying a clone of Kurumi. The anime softened but here in the novel Origami seems to have returned the “affection” that Kurumi had done to her in volume 3 in the form of a very strong “massage”. But the clone does not seem to have liked it. “I did not come here to fight.” “Among the 12 bullets, is there one that can go back in time?” Kurumi makes a little suspense but answers that, yes, there is, Origami asks her to lend her this bullet. At first Kurumi denies, but since we are talking a little more about the Kabbalah, the Sephiroth of the worst spirit is Binah, the understanding, realizing that Tobiichi would not leave there without a “yes” as an answer Kurumi asks “why?” “I want to go back 5 years and kill the spirit that killed my parents.” At this moment the narration enters Kurumi’s thoughts, she begins to think that Origami came to her because she felt so invincible and therefore would force Kurumi to do what she wants, if necessary. But then Kurumi begins to think that it was just a miscalculation by the girl, a miscalculation caused by the temptation to change the past. “And Kurumi understood so much that it even hurt.” Kurumi accepts but will not do this for free, time travel would cost a lot of lifetime, but that would not be a problem since now Origami has plenty of it. {Mono Illustration 10} https://preview.redd.it/fyubgawdsg1d1.jpg?width=766&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e79e4113ca1068c56d0cf786c3ab77843b720e36 Origami discovered the harsh truth. She really went to the past, had a brief fight with Phantom, managed to be the first to take off Phantom’s "mask", also managed to hear Phantom’s real voice, and when she thought she had also managed to save her parents, when she looked down there was a little girl swearing Origami to death, the little girl was Origami herself 5 years ago. “I will definitely kill you!” “Who killed… my father and my mother… Was me…”
First of all, it’s a volume full of plot twists, Shido in private imprisonment, Origami fighting with the intention to kill 4 spirits at once, Fraxinus being defeated by Ellen’s Goetia, Tohka returning to use a full astral dress, Origami becoming a spirit, Origami going to the past, Origami facing Phantom, Origami killing her own parents, the illustrations end there but there’s still a lot of content, Origami inverts, Inverse Origami destroys all of Tenguu City and finally Kurumi going to Shido, Shido also being sent to the past. Entertainment and tension are not lacking here. Did you notice that the lore makes a lot of references to the first volumes? This volume also makes a point of rewarding the reader for all this time following the story, the plot twist of Origami for example, was foreshadowed back in Volume 1, when she aims at Tohka but hits and "kills" Shido, from there a big hint that Origami has the bad habit of killing, by accident, the people she loves the most. Origami was not the only character developed here, Tohka also grows and thanks the Shido’s ideology, at no time did she deny the existence of Origami and even though she said she was going to attack to kill she asked Origami not to die. Although short, Kurumi had a great participation and we were able to learn more about her and for someone who is known as “the worst spirit” she was quite kind. The only impediment for Volume 10 to sit alongside the best volumes of DAL is because most of the answers are in the next volume and when we take into consideration what both have to offer, the overall impression about Volume 10 improves, after all there is a big cliffhanger for Volume 11. Origami managed to take off Phantom’s “mask” and even hear her voice, with that we can know that Phantom is a girl and is someone Origami knows, that is, she is also someone we know. That’s it, Origami was a spirit all this time, and next we will find out how Shido and Kurumi will solve this mess. Finally, stay with this iconic phrase that Origami says in this volume, the phrase says a lot about many things in DAL. “I will now wield this power to defeat the Spirits. I will become the Spirit that kills Spirits. Once I eliminate all Spirits────I will erase the last one, me”. Previous Reviews. -volume 1 - The color of the Night. - volume 2 - Yoshinon and the Rain. - volume 3 - The smile of Kurumi. - volume 4 - Sister or Girlfriend? - volume 5 - Yamais - volume 6 - Lilies, she likes - volume 7 - The Dark of the Night. - volume 8 - What do people do on Halloween? - volume 9 - Natsumi Without Costume |
2024.05.20 01:04 tocont "Expansion Bay Module Not Properly Connected" on boot?
I was just showing someone how awesome my framework 16 was by demonstrating how you can reconfigure the keyboard modules and quickly disassemble and reassemble the input surface, and upon powering the laptop back up, I was greeted with a message saying that the expansion bay module was not connected properly.
There was a QR code on the screen that directed me to instructions on how to switch from the expansion bay shell to the GPU module. I have the GPU module installed - it was preinstalled and I haven't tried to take it out. I imagine I have jostled it in some way that something has come loose? I took the keyboard back off and tried giving the interposer a little press to see if that would help, but no luck.
It gives me the option to skip and boot, so I assume it's not dangerous...? The laptop seems to be working fine... I'm not trying to use the GPU module (I haven't tried that yet).
Has anyone else run into this? I'm not where I can get tools out and try to re-seat the interposer, but that will be my next step later tonight.
I have pictures for those interested, but it seems I can't post both text and images at the same time, so I'll have to put the pics in the comments if that's allowed.
EDIT: Imgur link: https://imgur.com/a/BGyzCUH
submitted by tocont to framework [link] [comments]
There was a QR code on the screen that directed me to instructions on how to switch from the expansion bay shell to the GPU module. I have the GPU module installed - it was preinstalled and I haven't tried to take it out. I imagine I have jostled it in some way that something has come loose? I took the keyboard back off and tried giving the interposer a little press to see if that would help, but no luck.
It gives me the option to skip and boot, so I assume it's not dangerous...? The laptop seems to be working fine... I'm not trying to use the GPU module (I haven't tried that yet).
Has anyone else run into this? I'm not where I can get tools out and try to re-seat the interposer, but that will be my next step later tonight.
I have pictures for those interested, but it seems I can't post both text and images at the same time, so I'll have to put the pics in the comments if that's allowed.
EDIT: Imgur link: https://imgur.com/a/BGyzCUH
2024.05.20 01:04 NarrownessOfTheJibs Should there be more training?
Hi everyone! I’ve worked in the field for over 5 years. I completed my MA in ABA with a ceritifcation in autism in 2021. While I did complete 500+ hours of clinic hours for my degree, I did not sit for my BCBA as I entered a PhD program in School Psychology. I’m considering a few research projects for a dissertation, but really just want to get a feel from the community before I delve more into a few various topics I’m interested in.
If commenting, I would just ask to provide your credentialing and time spent in the field first before you address any of the prompts below! Feel free to respond to whichever prompts you would like, just make it clear in your response.
submitted by NarrownessOfTheJibs to ABA [link] [comments]
If commenting, I would just ask to provide your credentialing and time spent in the field first before you address any of the prompts below! Feel free to respond to whichever prompts you would like, just make it clear in your response.
- What are your thoughts on having BT’s work in the field without having the RBT certification? Do you think this is something that should be allowed? Why or why not?
- Do you feel RBT/BCBA training should include crisis prevention? Why or why not?
- If someone asked you what trauma-informed care entails, what would you respond? How does your current employer implement trauma-informed care, if they do?
- How frequently do you or your clinic provide direct support to caregivers and/or relevant stakeholders? What does that look like?
- How often do you provide in-person supervision to staff? If a BT/RBT, how often does your supervising BCBA provide in-person supervision?
2024.05.20 01:03 melaniewatsonpuppies What can I do to improve my chances of acceptance to UNC (University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)?
Hello! Please give me your raw advice for what I can do to improve my chances of being admitted to UNC. I don't mind a real/raw answer as that is what I truly need (no need to sugar coat). :)
I want to start off by mentioning that UNC is a reach school for me. I just finished my junior year last week and felt that it would be nice for me to get some tips as I am planning on applying to schools this autumn.
UNC is my dream school because I would like to pursue a study in medicine and UNC has a great program for it! To be frank, UNC hasn't always been my dream school. This is because during my freshman and sophomore year, I did not have good grades for someone who would be admitted to such school.
Most of my grades were a B- and I even got two D's on some final exams. This left me completely hopeless and I told myself that my only option was community college. Due to my hopelessness, I did not even think to try any further.
I had a 3.51 GPA through mostly honors courses, but no AP courses. However, my junior year courses consisted of one AP and the rest being all honors courses. I started to receive much better grades in all of my classes as I decided to give it "one last try." Through this, I managed to raise my GPA to a 4.02, which I am very proud of.
This allowed me to gain some confidence and I began to consider more school options for me and therefore, UNC really captured my attention. I have around 150 volunteer hours, several club experiences, some leadership, along with 7 years of band. I also took courses from a medical-future-based program since my freshman year. I am also an in-state resident (which is a huge plus)! Yet, my concerns arise, because compared to many admitted undergrad students at UNC, I feel that I do not have enough rigor in my classes.
I do have 3 more AP courses scheduled for my senior year, which will begin in August, but I am not sure if those would count. Upon addressing my concerns with my school counselor and some senior friends who were admitted to UNC, I was told that a strong letter of recommendation and eye-catching essay may help improve my chances of acceptance.
I have already asked some teachers who know me very well and helped me for letters of recommendations and received the OK!
I have a few ideas for what I want to write my essay about, but I am afraid that they may be cliche. My ideas are:
1.) I grew up as "fat" and "ugly" child, but was able to change into what society would consider to be more attractive through my efforts (working out, eating healthier, taking care of myself more in general). I am thinking about writing about how the treatment I received from society (depending on my physical appearance) allowed me to grow/mature, learn, and realize how society truly is like.
2.) When I received the worst grades that I ever had during my first two years of high school (receiving D's on some final exams, always getting 60's on my tests, etc), I truly believed that this was the "end of the world" for me. I am thinking about writing about how my unexpected growth this past school year allowed me to learn about the value of effort and self-strength, how one shouldn't give up, & how I discovered my growing strive and love to be educated.
Thank you so much for reading to this point! I really appreciate you for that. Please let me know about any tips or advice. :)
submitted by melaniewatsonpuppies to ApplyingToCollege [link] [comments]
I want to start off by mentioning that UNC is a reach school for me. I just finished my junior year last week and felt that it would be nice for me to get some tips as I am planning on applying to schools this autumn.
UNC is my dream school because I would like to pursue a study in medicine and UNC has a great program for it! To be frank, UNC hasn't always been my dream school. This is because during my freshman and sophomore year, I did not have good grades for someone who would be admitted to such school.
Most of my grades were a B- and I even got two D's on some final exams. This left me completely hopeless and I told myself that my only option was community college. Due to my hopelessness, I did not even think to try any further.
I had a 3.51 GPA through mostly honors courses, but no AP courses. However, my junior year courses consisted of one AP and the rest being all honors courses. I started to receive much better grades in all of my classes as I decided to give it "one last try." Through this, I managed to raise my GPA to a 4.02, which I am very proud of.
This allowed me to gain some confidence and I began to consider more school options for me and therefore, UNC really captured my attention. I have around 150 volunteer hours, several club experiences, some leadership, along with 7 years of band. I also took courses from a medical-future-based program since my freshman year. I am also an in-state resident (which is a huge plus)! Yet, my concerns arise, because compared to many admitted undergrad students at UNC, I feel that I do not have enough rigor in my classes.
I do have 3 more AP courses scheduled for my senior year, which will begin in August, but I am not sure if those would count. Upon addressing my concerns with my school counselor and some senior friends who were admitted to UNC, I was told that a strong letter of recommendation and eye-catching essay may help improve my chances of acceptance.
I have already asked some teachers who know me very well and helped me for letters of recommendations and received the OK!
I have a few ideas for what I want to write my essay about, but I am afraid that they may be cliche. My ideas are:
1.) I grew up as "fat" and "ugly" child, but was able to change into what society would consider to be more attractive through my efforts (working out, eating healthier, taking care of myself more in general). I am thinking about writing about how the treatment I received from society (depending on my physical appearance) allowed me to grow/mature, learn, and realize how society truly is like.
2.) When I received the worst grades that I ever had during my first two years of high school (receiving D's on some final exams, always getting 60's on my tests, etc), I truly believed that this was the "end of the world" for me. I am thinking about writing about how my unexpected growth this past school year allowed me to learn about the value of effort and self-strength, how one shouldn't give up, & how I discovered my growing strive and love to be educated.
Thank you so much for reading to this point! I really appreciate you for that. Please let me know about any tips or advice. :)
2024.05.20 01:03 Zarsharq What are your teams' worst contracts and what would you pay to move them?
I'm a Sharks fan and we have been having a debate on our sub about cap dumps. I thought the best solution would be to just crowd source it. What are your teams' worst contracts? How much would you pay to move on from that player? Example:
Sharks worst contract is Marc Edouard Vlasic. He's got 2 years left at 7m. We have plenty of cap space and no desire to attach sweeteners to get someone to take him off our hands.
submitted by Zarsharq to hockey [link] [comments]
Sharks worst contract is Marc Edouard Vlasic. He's got 2 years left at 7m. We have plenty of cap space and no desire to attach sweeteners to get someone to take him off our hands.
2024.05.20 01:02 Confident-Gap-107 AITA for getting revenge on my ex? (Pt2)
(See pt1) J was upset because I was living at a friend’s house. We weren’t able to call as much and it made him upset. I tried settling the piece as much as possible but it wasn’t enough for him.
One morning, I wake up and hang up the phone with him (we slept on call the night prior) and I go out with my family to my Aunt’s house. He messages me saying “where the fuck are you?” Because he has my location and I have his. I tell him where and he says why didn’t you tell me. I tell him that I didn’t even know I’d be here. He still says why didn’t you tell me. The same day he tells me he doesn’t want me to come over to his house.
This swept into an argument that lead with me breaking up with him because he’s being too much for me. It was a very in the moment thing. J messages me on a twitter account he randomly made and begs for me back, I say yes.
The next few days go by, I check that twitter account and now it’s got a name, a profile and I’m blocked from it. I ask him wtf is it and he plays me off like I’m being dramatic. Lack of better judgement leads me to ignore it.
The next day I go to a pride fest, my first one, and J tells me he wants to call when I get back. He asks me when I get back, I say before 9. Well, plans don’t always work out and I end up being late because we lost the car. J is upset with me and I tell him wtf does he want from me. We breakup again. We get back the same night. We have a long talk on the phone that night.
It was rough. I don’t remember exactly what was said but I remember one comment he made “you forced me to cheat on M.” To which I instantly shut the fuck down. We made boundaries that night, set them up and everything was fine. Until school started again. This year, J was going to college. A thing both of us was dreading.
We agreed that we’ll try our best to stay together. Well, August comes and he’s in college. I’m none the wiser to everything he was doing. We call any night we can but everytime we do, he either gets on the phone with someone or starts having a full blown conversation with his roommate. I start getting sick of it and we get into an argument.
Many arguments. Much much much. Then, October 13th, 2023. We get into our last argument. He’s talking about how often I make him have sex. I never have made him have sex. He tells me he’s never started a sexual moment in the entire relationship, I say he’s lying. The next thing I know, he blocks me. On everything. For the last time. (See pt3.)
submitted by Confident-Gap-107 to AITAH [link] [comments]
One morning, I wake up and hang up the phone with him (we slept on call the night prior) and I go out with my family to my Aunt’s house. He messages me saying “where the fuck are you?” Because he has my location and I have his. I tell him where and he says why didn’t you tell me. I tell him that I didn’t even know I’d be here. He still says why didn’t you tell me. The same day he tells me he doesn’t want me to come over to his house.
This swept into an argument that lead with me breaking up with him because he’s being too much for me. It was a very in the moment thing. J messages me on a twitter account he randomly made and begs for me back, I say yes.
The next few days go by, I check that twitter account and now it’s got a name, a profile and I’m blocked from it. I ask him wtf is it and he plays me off like I’m being dramatic. Lack of better judgement leads me to ignore it.
The next day I go to a pride fest, my first one, and J tells me he wants to call when I get back. He asks me when I get back, I say before 9. Well, plans don’t always work out and I end up being late because we lost the car. J is upset with me and I tell him wtf does he want from me. We breakup again. We get back the same night. We have a long talk on the phone that night.
It was rough. I don’t remember exactly what was said but I remember one comment he made “you forced me to cheat on M.” To which I instantly shut the fuck down. We made boundaries that night, set them up and everything was fine. Until school started again. This year, J was going to college. A thing both of us was dreading.
We agreed that we’ll try our best to stay together. Well, August comes and he’s in college. I’m none the wiser to everything he was doing. We call any night we can but everytime we do, he either gets on the phone with someone or starts having a full blown conversation with his roommate. I start getting sick of it and we get into an argument.
Many arguments. Much much much. Then, October 13th, 2023. We get into our last argument. He’s talking about how often I make him have sex. I never have made him have sex. He tells me he’s never started a sexual moment in the entire relationship, I say he’s lying. The next thing I know, he blocks me. On everything. For the last time. (See pt3.)
2024.05.20 01:00 Any-Illustrator-4972 Built up resentment towards a guy I didn’t even date
Hey everyone, don’t even know what I’m looking for maybe just someone to listen to me and just to get this out but here goes: (LONG POST AHEAD!)
I’m 22 years old and just graduated college. I’ve been with my current bf for almost 3 years now since 2021. Before meeting him, I had a thing with this guy I met at work when I was 18-19 in 2019. I started talking to him when I started working there and we kept flirting everyday, messaging and so on. I really fell for him and we kept texting. at that point I was very innocent and had always been only focused on school and my grades. I had never kissed or had sex with anyone or even had a bf before. But when I finally met him, for the first time ever I felt inclined to do more and would always get excited when he would come into work and I was completely blind to everything else.
This flirting and messaging went on for a few months until one day he waited for me to get off work and walked me to my car outside in the parking lot and asked to kiss me. I felt so incredibly happy and so alive. My first kiss, It was amazing and so full of love. We waved and signed little hearts at the stop light by the place we worked at and went home.
A few days later he asked me to come over and I agreed. I came over and we were in his room playing around just talking and he started being touchy. We ended up just making out and then he went down on me. (He asked for permission and I gave consent and I was even more into him after that)
We kept texting and talking at work but he would always text me only at random times and always make things sexual or ask me questions about how much experience I had and he knew I was a virgin. He knew he was my first kiss. He knew everything. I liked him so much I would reply and send pictures and do everything because I LOVED him. Something else to mention, while this was going on, at the time my dad was in jail and my family life wasn’t in the best place (which he didn’t know of) but I would work longer shifts to try to make extra money and was just looking to get away from home.
Months past and things kept escalated as he would continue to ask for pictures and I would ask him if he even liked me and what he truly wanted with me and he would never directly answer me. COVID hit and then we were quarantines. We sort of kept texting but it sort of stopped and I was very upset. I lived in a small town so everything opened up by August and we went back to work. We started talking again and one day he asked me to come over. I did and in the back of my mind I knew what was going to happen. I went in and I could tell he was high (which he was often and weirdly when I asked him one time that I wanted to try it he told me not to and that he didn’t want me to ever do it like why try and be protective over it). He led me down to his room and put me on the bed and took my clothes off and aggressively started having sex with me. During this I did not say one word, he would pick me up and move me to different positions and it hurt so bad I told him to not be too hard and to stop but he told me to “take it” and I did. At the end I was facing down on the bed and I looked down to see blood on the sheets. He freaked out and got mad at me and told me to put my clothes on and to leave.
I had work right after and so did he. I went in and kept checking the time and my phone and he never showed up. I guess that was the last time we spoke to each other because I checked my phone again to see that I was left on read. I felt so stupid and used and disgusting. After that I went on a party spiral and began getting drunk all the time and going out with a lot of guys. This “phase” was me trying to take my power back from him and get out my anger. But the point is, now I’m with my bf of 3 years who is sweet and kind but is the complete opposite of this first person I ever had an experience with. Why do I sometimes still feel like I’m not over what happened? Why do I often go back to that place and ask why did he do that why can’t I just move on?
submitted by Any-Illustrator-4972 to Advice [link] [comments]
I’m 22 years old and just graduated college. I’ve been with my current bf for almost 3 years now since 2021. Before meeting him, I had a thing with this guy I met at work when I was 18-19 in 2019. I started talking to him when I started working there and we kept flirting everyday, messaging and so on. I really fell for him and we kept texting. at that point I was very innocent and had always been only focused on school and my grades. I had never kissed or had sex with anyone or even had a bf before. But when I finally met him, for the first time ever I felt inclined to do more and would always get excited when he would come into work and I was completely blind to everything else.
This flirting and messaging went on for a few months until one day he waited for me to get off work and walked me to my car outside in the parking lot and asked to kiss me. I felt so incredibly happy and so alive. My first kiss, It was amazing and so full of love. We waved and signed little hearts at the stop light by the place we worked at and went home.
A few days later he asked me to come over and I agreed. I came over and we were in his room playing around just talking and he started being touchy. We ended up just making out and then he went down on me. (He asked for permission and I gave consent and I was even more into him after that)
We kept texting and talking at work but he would always text me only at random times and always make things sexual or ask me questions about how much experience I had and he knew I was a virgin. He knew he was my first kiss. He knew everything. I liked him so much I would reply and send pictures and do everything because I LOVED him. Something else to mention, while this was going on, at the time my dad was in jail and my family life wasn’t in the best place (which he didn’t know of) but I would work longer shifts to try to make extra money and was just looking to get away from home.
Months past and things kept escalated as he would continue to ask for pictures and I would ask him if he even liked me and what he truly wanted with me and he would never directly answer me. COVID hit and then we were quarantines. We sort of kept texting but it sort of stopped and I was very upset. I lived in a small town so everything opened up by August and we went back to work. We started talking again and one day he asked me to come over. I did and in the back of my mind I knew what was going to happen. I went in and I could tell he was high (which he was often and weirdly when I asked him one time that I wanted to try it he told me not to and that he didn’t want me to ever do it like why try and be protective over it). He led me down to his room and put me on the bed and took my clothes off and aggressively started having sex with me. During this I did not say one word, he would pick me up and move me to different positions and it hurt so bad I told him to not be too hard and to stop but he told me to “take it” and I did. At the end I was facing down on the bed and I looked down to see blood on the sheets. He freaked out and got mad at me and told me to put my clothes on and to leave.
I had work right after and so did he. I went in and kept checking the time and my phone and he never showed up. I guess that was the last time we spoke to each other because I checked my phone again to see that I was left on read. I felt so stupid and used and disgusting. After that I went on a party spiral and began getting drunk all the time and going out with a lot of guys. This “phase” was me trying to take my power back from him and get out my anger. But the point is, now I’m with my bf of 3 years who is sweet and kind but is the complete opposite of this first person I ever had an experience with. Why do I sometimes still feel like I’m not over what happened? Why do I often go back to that place and ask why did he do that why can’t I just move on?
2024.05.20 00:59 Meghanlomaniac Timeline of Narcissist MIL, do I confront her with my boundary or just disappear?
(First time poster )
So, I don't know where to start on this one, but I'm having a hard time processing this situation and need help. I did start seeing a therapist but it's been a while so I guess I should go back, but here goes.
I met my husband roughly ten years ago and his Mom seemed ok for a while. When we were dating, she even invited me to do paint nights with her which I thought was nice. She did like to gossip a lot to me which in retrospect I see now was a 🚩#1.
Things seemed ok until my BIL got into a new relationship, and his girlfriend came clean with me: She asked me how my relationship is with MIL is and I said it was ok, why? And she proceeded to tell me that MIL gossips and talks badly about me non stop. Especially after coming back from visiting my house. BILs girlfriend was uncomfortable with this and told MIL that this was mean and uncalled for and even before she met me she felt bad for me and thought we'd get along, because she too had been victim to bullying and this is what this felt like. MIL responded with "you don't know her".
Anyways she told me the kind of things MIL was saying about me and it was not nice. Basically she would observe any kind of issue or conflict in my life but emphasize it to be super critical with absolutely no empathy and often full on lies to make me look bad and I now understand, to turn my husband's siblings against me. Which she has from the beginning of my and hubby's time together (2014).
For example, in 2021 we moved to a new city so we could buy a house and uprooted my 3 yr old daughters entire life. She had a hard adjustment and picked her face for a while (it was also summer so mosquito bites are what started it) she also regressed and wet the bed for a bit. She then adjusted and was just fine.
MIL turns this into "OP is anxious and is making her daughter anxious" Her daughter is anxious and it's OP's fault". I haven't suffered with anxiety for a while. It was only the year we got married, and I was better with medication. 🤷🏼♀️ Nor did I share any of my mental health struggles with MIL so she's making an assumption at best.
She complains that I'm lazy and do not do housework or cooking to her satisfaction (she was a SAHM and I am not). I should mention hubby and I have a 50/50 type deal with household and child minding. We both work. 🤷🏼♀️
I asked my hubby respectfully to never fight with me in front of MIL but he has, And like a snake in the grass she then tells everyone all about it, but turns it into something it wasn't. Not lying per se but emphasizing the dysfunction without any empathy or recognizing her own sons role in all of this.
My husband for his part has been very hesitant to set boundaries with her, but also emotionally keeps a distance from her. Then a few years ago, he told me MIL was responsible in the past for breaking up his relationships with other girlfirneds by making his partners feel uncomfortable 🚩#2.
It appears that recently the lies and gossip has been escalated. She makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house. I catch her darting dirty looks at me and then when I notice this, she switches it to giving me a fake smile.
She has no poker face and I sense the hostility whenever she's around.
The only time I let her clean my house without me getting up was when I was very pregnant with my son and exhausted. Yet she still tells anyone who will listen how lazy I am.
Last time she was over, I asserted myself more and would be firm with my boundaries. I also made it clear when her opinions were wrong / uncalled for.
It was this past winter and she took it upon herself to clean my back porch (we don't have a garage and it was messy). I told her to please stop cleaning my back porch. She explained she was here to help so she might as well help. I said I would rather she didn't. She asked why. I said because it feels like judgment. After a pause she said well you're family so you don't need to feel that way. When I told my hubby he was shocked and complained that she was supposed to be visiting her grandchildren (who were sitting in the other room, alone). She seems more interested in passive aggressively making me feel like I can't keep house. Again, I WORK FULL TIME. I have two small children and I do what I can. My house is far from a disaster, but I'm sure the crumbs you can see on my floors are enough to warrant her disapproval.
Overly judgemental and appears not to "approve" of me for her son 🚩3 and 4.
The worst recent situation was thrifting with MIL, which used to be the only thing we could bond over. I took my daughter and while shopping, she carelessly grabbed at a teacup I was buying and it smashed on the floor. As a Millenial who is trying very hard to gentle parent (despite the fact I was never taught self regulation by my boomer parents) I got on her level and told her that it wasn't ok to do that in the store and to observe the consequence. My daughter usually doesn't do stuff like that, and she felt bad so she burst into tears. I then spend time holding her in a hug and comforting her until she felt better. Employee came by and told me not to worry about paying for it as it was an accident. MIL immediately went home and told BIL and BIL gf that I yelled at my daughter in a store and made her cry. That was NOT what happened. In fact I'm positive if I had been permissive and not disciplined her in the store, she would have bad mouthed my parenting as well. This time I let BIL know that his mother lied about this situation and I'm incredibly frustrated and angry with MIL.
BIL is strongly enmeshed with MIL and his willingness to believe MIL opinions as fact is one of the reasons his relationship with the present girlfriend fell apart. He's also an alcoholic and refused to stop or get help.
I suspect the reason MIL tries so hard to destroy my character and BIL GFs character is because she does not want any attention on her and her horrible actions.
She secretly started seeing the man she had an affair with in the 90s again, causing her relationship with FIL to dissolve and they divorced (dead marriage for years). To pay for said divorce, she remortgaged the house and convinced BIL to co-sign. As soon as he did, she moved in with her 90s affair boyfriend and told BIL she could not help with the bills anymore since she had committed to her 90s affair boyfriends mortgage (my husband and I suspect this was her plan all along). The stress of the financial situation definitely pushed BILs addiction further, but he also has anger issues and mental health issues.
My husband for his part is furious and refused to accept this 90s affair boyfriend of hers who caused him all kinds of childhood trauma (which she won't admit to). He's happy for her but wants no relationship with this man. I also think that she's trying to create infighting between the siblings and our marriages so no one confronts her for her actions. Husband also has a sister who (surprise surprise) hates my guts and treats me like shit.
She tried to push my husband's boundary about 90s affair boyfriend and he doubled down, causing more distance.
After BILs relationship broke down, I was so stressed out from emotionally being involved that I'm now not talking to MIL or BIL but she keeps dropping messages to wish me happy Easter or happy mothers day.
I told hubby she is no longer welcome in my home so the last few times he saw her they met with our children out of town and I stayed home.
Question is: do I just cut her off entirely with no explanation or do I give her a reason and outline why I am going no contact? Since she won't change (narcissist) husband is not willing to go to therapy with her. I feel like the only way I can get over this hurt and pain I'm still processing is either confronting her or going no contact and blocking her on Facebook.
Any advice????
submitted by Meghanlomaniac to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
So, I don't know where to start on this one, but I'm having a hard time processing this situation and need help. I did start seeing a therapist but it's been a while so I guess I should go back, but here goes.
I met my husband roughly ten years ago and his Mom seemed ok for a while. When we were dating, she even invited me to do paint nights with her which I thought was nice. She did like to gossip a lot to me which in retrospect I see now was a 🚩#1.
Things seemed ok until my BIL got into a new relationship, and his girlfriend came clean with me: She asked me how my relationship is with MIL is and I said it was ok, why? And she proceeded to tell me that MIL gossips and talks badly about me non stop. Especially after coming back from visiting my house. BILs girlfriend was uncomfortable with this and told MIL that this was mean and uncalled for and even before she met me she felt bad for me and thought we'd get along, because she too had been victim to bullying and this is what this felt like. MIL responded with "you don't know her".
Anyways she told me the kind of things MIL was saying about me and it was not nice. Basically she would observe any kind of issue or conflict in my life but emphasize it to be super critical with absolutely no empathy and often full on lies to make me look bad and I now understand, to turn my husband's siblings against me. Which she has from the beginning of my and hubby's time together (2014).
For example, in 2021 we moved to a new city so we could buy a house and uprooted my 3 yr old daughters entire life. She had a hard adjustment and picked her face for a while (it was also summer so mosquito bites are what started it) she also regressed and wet the bed for a bit. She then adjusted and was just fine.
MIL turns this into "OP is anxious and is making her daughter anxious" Her daughter is anxious and it's OP's fault". I haven't suffered with anxiety for a while. It was only the year we got married, and I was better with medication. 🤷🏼♀️ Nor did I share any of my mental health struggles with MIL so she's making an assumption at best.
She complains that I'm lazy and do not do housework or cooking to her satisfaction (she was a SAHM and I am not). I should mention hubby and I have a 50/50 type deal with household and child minding. We both work. 🤷🏼♀️
I asked my hubby respectfully to never fight with me in front of MIL but he has, And like a snake in the grass she then tells everyone all about it, but turns it into something it wasn't. Not lying per se but emphasizing the dysfunction without any empathy or recognizing her own sons role in all of this.
My husband for his part has been very hesitant to set boundaries with her, but also emotionally keeps a distance from her. Then a few years ago, he told me MIL was responsible in the past for breaking up his relationships with other girlfirneds by making his partners feel uncomfortable 🚩#2.
It appears that recently the lies and gossip has been escalated. She makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house. I catch her darting dirty looks at me and then when I notice this, she switches it to giving me a fake smile.
She has no poker face and I sense the hostility whenever she's around.
The only time I let her clean my house without me getting up was when I was very pregnant with my son and exhausted. Yet she still tells anyone who will listen how lazy I am.
Last time she was over, I asserted myself more and would be firm with my boundaries. I also made it clear when her opinions were wrong / uncalled for.
It was this past winter and she took it upon herself to clean my back porch (we don't have a garage and it was messy). I told her to please stop cleaning my back porch. She explained she was here to help so she might as well help. I said I would rather she didn't. She asked why. I said because it feels like judgment. After a pause she said well you're family so you don't need to feel that way. When I told my hubby he was shocked and complained that she was supposed to be visiting her grandchildren (who were sitting in the other room, alone). She seems more interested in passive aggressively making me feel like I can't keep house. Again, I WORK FULL TIME. I have two small children and I do what I can. My house is far from a disaster, but I'm sure the crumbs you can see on my floors are enough to warrant her disapproval.
Overly judgemental and appears not to "approve" of me for her son 🚩3 and 4.
The worst recent situation was thrifting with MIL, which used to be the only thing we could bond over. I took my daughter and while shopping, she carelessly grabbed at a teacup I was buying and it smashed on the floor. As a Millenial who is trying very hard to gentle parent (despite the fact I was never taught self regulation by my boomer parents) I got on her level and told her that it wasn't ok to do that in the store and to observe the consequence. My daughter usually doesn't do stuff like that, and she felt bad so she burst into tears. I then spend time holding her in a hug and comforting her until she felt better. Employee came by and told me not to worry about paying for it as it was an accident. MIL immediately went home and told BIL and BIL gf that I yelled at my daughter in a store and made her cry. That was NOT what happened. In fact I'm positive if I had been permissive and not disciplined her in the store, she would have bad mouthed my parenting as well. This time I let BIL know that his mother lied about this situation and I'm incredibly frustrated and angry with MIL.
BIL is strongly enmeshed with MIL and his willingness to believe MIL opinions as fact is one of the reasons his relationship with the present girlfriend fell apart. He's also an alcoholic and refused to stop or get help.
I suspect the reason MIL tries so hard to destroy my character and BIL GFs character is because she does not want any attention on her and her horrible actions.
She secretly started seeing the man she had an affair with in the 90s again, causing her relationship with FIL to dissolve and they divorced (dead marriage for years). To pay for said divorce, she remortgaged the house and convinced BIL to co-sign. As soon as he did, she moved in with her 90s affair boyfriend and told BIL she could not help with the bills anymore since she had committed to her 90s affair boyfriends mortgage (my husband and I suspect this was her plan all along). The stress of the financial situation definitely pushed BILs addiction further, but he also has anger issues and mental health issues.
My husband for his part is furious and refused to accept this 90s affair boyfriend of hers who caused him all kinds of childhood trauma (which she won't admit to). He's happy for her but wants no relationship with this man. I also think that she's trying to create infighting between the siblings and our marriages so no one confronts her for her actions. Husband also has a sister who (surprise surprise) hates my guts and treats me like shit.
She tried to push my husband's boundary about 90s affair boyfriend and he doubled down, causing more distance.
After BILs relationship broke down, I was so stressed out from emotionally being involved that I'm now not talking to MIL or BIL but she keeps dropping messages to wish me happy Easter or happy mothers day.
I told hubby she is no longer welcome in my home so the last few times he saw her they met with our children out of town and I stayed home.
Question is: do I just cut her off entirely with no explanation or do I give her a reason and outline why I am going no contact? Since she won't change (narcissist) husband is not willing to go to therapy with her. I feel like the only way I can get over this hurt and pain I'm still processing is either confronting her or going no contact and blocking her on Facebook.
Any advice????
2024.05.20 00:59 theinevitabledefeat Repercussions of Unconditional Love
I'm a m21 student, just about a year away from finishing college. I've always lived in Philly and commuted to school these past three years. I have never really been immersed in college life for many reasons that I won't get too in-depth in. I changed my major to Psychology this year, and I'm not sure where I will take this degree, though what is really important to me is understanding myself and others for actions that sometimes don't elicit the answer someone is looking for. To shorten a story that could fill countless pages, my gf of almost 4 years broke up with me over a year ago and, before that (while we were still dating), my dad relapsed and disappeared from my life. I've been sifting through ideas relentlessly trying to figure out where my purpose lies and how it can be best expressed without her. In this process, I feel so stagnant. I know my worth, but I genuinely feel that she was as good as it gets. She told me that I was always going to be the one that got away, but she was the one who left. She also said after the breakup that, even though we are soulmates, I deserve more than what she can offer. Though, this whole year without her, I've found myself watching almost 50 romantic comedies, and I feel more at peace imagining the two of us in those films more than I ever will going out to bars, embracing college life, and moving onto someone else. I feel like Tom Hanks when he lost his wife in Sleepless at Seattle. I know someone is out there that I could be just as compatible with; I've just been growing really impatient letting fate determine things when I feel they have already been determined. We spent every moment we could together and revolved our lives around each other. I even chose the same college as her (she was a year older) for the sole reason that we physically & mentally couldn't be away from each other. I guess a cliche description of our relationship would be that we were high-school sweethearts. A memory that will forever be ingrained in me is when we took a trip in the summer to Oregon, stayed in some coastal towns (Astoria & Seaside), climbed some of Mt. Rainier, and had an unforgettable time in Portland. I feel like, if I went back and visited those same places again this summer, it would be a big step towards giving those memories the most justice I can. She left me in a time where I needed her most so that sort of forced me to see her in a different light, but I have always been able to see through that and understand her for who she really strives to be, and what she knows I know her to be. We haven't talked in months and she's basically blocked me out of her life, telling me she's seeing other people. I just think that, if I were to go back to any of those places, she would somehow find out and possibly have a deeper understanding of just how much being in those places with her really meant to me, even if it's just me there this time. This would also be an opportunity to see if I would want to move there long-term. I do want to get out of Philly as soon as I can, and I care enough about every moment we shared to the point that I would live my life across the country in a place where we once pictured ours. If anyone can help me at this crossroads I've found myself at, it would mean a lot. Thanks.
submitted by theinevitabledefeat to BreakUps [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 00:59 Hot_Minute_9573 How to find happiness in a relationship where I (28F) want more from life than my mentally ill fiancee (27M)?
Really feel like I'm stuck at a crossroads and need an outside perspective. I am starting therapy over this next week but would love some insight from the good people of Reddit - TIA :) Using a throwaway.
tl;dr I'm (28F) generally happy in my relationship, but am realizing how much more I want out of life than my fiancee (27M) does. Is it normal to feel like you're leaving some of your happiness on the table for the sake of someone you love?
My high school sweetheart proposed a few years ago, and we're getting married in a few months! I was excited for our wedding, but now with it coming up, I'm terrified.
There's so much that I enjoy doing and want to do: travel, fitness, going out, video games, etc. I really love life. But given my fiancee's severe depression, he simply doesn't desire any of those things. He has been a happy participant joining me, but it's always made me sad that he doesn't enjoy these things the same way I do. If I want to go out for a drink, he'll join me but have water while I enjoy some wine. If I want to travel, I have to plan it: it's not that my partner can't, it's that he doesn't naturally want to. If I want to smoke and go stargazing, he'll join me for a single puff and lay with me until he admits that he's cold and would prefer to go home.
That largely hasn't been an issue in our relationship, as I've been quite good at planning things I enjoy and he's been more than happy to join me for them. But the last few months I have been swamped: aside from planning our wedding, I was accepted into a top program in my field and am preparing for that along with a cross-country move to attend. Because I've been so busy, I've been unable to plan the usual things that make me happy... and I've realized that my partner is unable to make up for it. It would be one thing if he had different interests from me! At least, in exploring those interests, I'd be able to join him and feel as though I'm trying new things in life. It's more like he has narrower interests: as long as he's on top of his chores and gets to watch TV + movies, he can be content that he is living a full and adventurous life. But I can't. I'm only going to get busier over the next decade, and it's incredibly difficult knowing that my partner doesn't have the same zest for life that can buoy me when I need it.
I know that love is not just a feeling but a choice, but because of this fundamental difference between us, these last 11 years I can't say I've ever felt "it". I've felt "it" for one or two other men before, people with whom I can sit down and look at the stars and know they're feeling the same thing that I am. Feeling like I'm with a kindred spirit. And I know my partner feels "it" for me: he told me last night I am the love of his life and he doesn't need anything aside from me. I just feel incredibly guilty that, while I do love my partner, I can't bring myself to say the same. I always imagined that the love of my life would enjoy doing at least some of the same things as me, and while my fiancee is a happy participant and supporter of all the things I want to do, I deeply... deeply... miss the emotional connection of sharing in an activity with someone who is equally as excited about it as I am.
And that's not to say that he makes me unhappy per se. I'm privileged to say that everything in my life is perfect: I love my family, I have incredible friendships, my hobbies fulfil me and so does my career. And even my partner, on paper, ticks 9/10 boxes. But it's so difficult when everything else is so perfect to feel as though my relationship is not. My brain is telling me that I should accept that relationships are difficult and will never be perfect, but my heart feels like there is someone out there who can do that for me. Every time I see a couple on a run together, or laughing over a pitcher of beer together, I resent that I don't have that... and I'm terrified that as I go to grad school I'm going to meet some of those people and resent not being able to pursue them. And so I don't really know what's next.
I feel as though I can't continue this relationship without building healthy approaches to managing my happiness and expectations about our relationship. My partner is handsome, funny, smart, supportive, organized, responsible, and I genuinely think he's one of the most incredible men in the world: I have been happy in our relationship, and so I desperately want to make this work. So, if any of you have experience being with somebody whose mental health is much worse than yours, I would love to hear any insight you have as to how you manage it. Is it normal to feel like you're leaving some of your own happiness on the table for the sake of someone you love?
Sorry for the wall of text. Thanks in advance for any insight you may have.
If desired, some further background on our relationship:
We've been together since high school, almost 11 years. We started as two kids just looking to fool around, but he fell in love with me pretty quickly and it took me a while to feel the same... I thought we'd break up after leaving high school, but after trying a few weeks of long-distance once we went to college, I realized that I craved his company and genuinely enjoyed talking to him every night after classes. We made it through four years of long-distance over which I developed an earnest love for him. We had our difficulties, sure... we both met people we developed crushes on that we couldn't pursue, and we went on a week-long break at one point. But we made it through, and I always used to tell my friends that, because it was him, those four years didn't feel difficult at all. That's the truth.
Through all this time, I knew that my partner was seriously struggling with mental health issues: severe depression, anxiety, and a general desire not to be alive. His mental illness did impact our relationship, as I found it difficult to relate. However, I loved him as an individual, and have tried to express that love by doing anything I can to make him happy.
Since we moved in together after college we have lived a largely happy life. We've had some recurring arguments but nothing more than our other friends in committed partnerships. Our main source of friction has been our libidos - he is genuinely attracted to me, but long-distance + his meds have destroyed any natural desire to be physically intimate. Despite that, he's done his best to care for my needs and has largely done so... and he's been a willing and happy participant in doing all of the things in life that I want to do. And there genuinely has been a lot for us to connect over and enjoy together: we listen to audiobooks together, mostly enjoy the same shows, have the same political beliefs, etc. And so, while I've had some lingering bits of unhappiness, I've been able to ignore them... until now.
submitted by Hot_Minute_9573 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
tl;dr I'm (28F) generally happy in my relationship, but am realizing how much more I want out of life than my fiancee (27M) does. Is it normal to feel like you're leaving some of your happiness on the table for the sake of someone you love?
My high school sweetheart proposed a few years ago, and we're getting married in a few months! I was excited for our wedding, but now with it coming up, I'm terrified.
There's so much that I enjoy doing and want to do: travel, fitness, going out, video games, etc. I really love life. But given my fiancee's severe depression, he simply doesn't desire any of those things. He has been a happy participant joining me, but it's always made me sad that he doesn't enjoy these things the same way I do. If I want to go out for a drink, he'll join me but have water while I enjoy some wine. If I want to travel, I have to plan it: it's not that my partner can't, it's that he doesn't naturally want to. If I want to smoke and go stargazing, he'll join me for a single puff and lay with me until he admits that he's cold and would prefer to go home.
That largely hasn't been an issue in our relationship, as I've been quite good at planning things I enjoy and he's been more than happy to join me for them. But the last few months I have been swamped: aside from planning our wedding, I was accepted into a top program in my field and am preparing for that along with a cross-country move to attend. Because I've been so busy, I've been unable to plan the usual things that make me happy... and I've realized that my partner is unable to make up for it. It would be one thing if he had different interests from me! At least, in exploring those interests, I'd be able to join him and feel as though I'm trying new things in life. It's more like he has narrower interests: as long as he's on top of his chores and gets to watch TV + movies, he can be content that he is living a full and adventurous life. But I can't. I'm only going to get busier over the next decade, and it's incredibly difficult knowing that my partner doesn't have the same zest for life that can buoy me when I need it.
I know that love is not just a feeling but a choice, but because of this fundamental difference between us, these last 11 years I can't say I've ever felt "it". I've felt "it" for one or two other men before, people with whom I can sit down and look at the stars and know they're feeling the same thing that I am. Feeling like I'm with a kindred spirit. And I know my partner feels "it" for me: he told me last night I am the love of his life and he doesn't need anything aside from me. I just feel incredibly guilty that, while I do love my partner, I can't bring myself to say the same. I always imagined that the love of my life would enjoy doing at least some of the same things as me, and while my fiancee is a happy participant and supporter of all the things I want to do, I deeply... deeply... miss the emotional connection of sharing in an activity with someone who is equally as excited about it as I am.
And that's not to say that he makes me unhappy per se. I'm privileged to say that everything in my life is perfect: I love my family, I have incredible friendships, my hobbies fulfil me and so does my career. And even my partner, on paper, ticks 9/10 boxes. But it's so difficult when everything else is so perfect to feel as though my relationship is not. My brain is telling me that I should accept that relationships are difficult and will never be perfect, but my heart feels like there is someone out there who can do that for me. Every time I see a couple on a run together, or laughing over a pitcher of beer together, I resent that I don't have that... and I'm terrified that as I go to grad school I'm going to meet some of those people and resent not being able to pursue them. And so I don't really know what's next.
I feel as though I can't continue this relationship without building healthy approaches to managing my happiness and expectations about our relationship. My partner is handsome, funny, smart, supportive, organized, responsible, and I genuinely think he's one of the most incredible men in the world: I have been happy in our relationship, and so I desperately want to make this work. So, if any of you have experience being with somebody whose mental health is much worse than yours, I would love to hear any insight you have as to how you manage it. Is it normal to feel like you're leaving some of your own happiness on the table for the sake of someone you love?
Sorry for the wall of text. Thanks in advance for any insight you may have.
If desired, some further background on our relationship:
We've been together since high school, almost 11 years. We started as two kids just looking to fool around, but he fell in love with me pretty quickly and it took me a while to feel the same... I thought we'd break up after leaving high school, but after trying a few weeks of long-distance once we went to college, I realized that I craved his company and genuinely enjoyed talking to him every night after classes. We made it through four years of long-distance over which I developed an earnest love for him. We had our difficulties, sure... we both met people we developed crushes on that we couldn't pursue, and we went on a week-long break at one point. But we made it through, and I always used to tell my friends that, because it was him, those four years didn't feel difficult at all. That's the truth.
Through all this time, I knew that my partner was seriously struggling with mental health issues: severe depression, anxiety, and a general desire not to be alive. His mental illness did impact our relationship, as I found it difficult to relate. However, I loved him as an individual, and have tried to express that love by doing anything I can to make him happy.
Since we moved in together after college we have lived a largely happy life. We've had some recurring arguments but nothing more than our other friends in committed partnerships. Our main source of friction has been our libidos - he is genuinely attracted to me, but long-distance + his meds have destroyed any natural desire to be physically intimate. Despite that, he's done his best to care for my needs and has largely done so... and he's been a willing and happy participant in doing all of the things in life that I want to do. And there genuinely has been a lot for us to connect over and enjoy together: we listen to audiobooks together, mostly enjoy the same shows, have the same political beliefs, etc. And so, while I've had some lingering bits of unhappiness, I've been able to ignore them... until now.
2024.05.20 00:59 andrez444 Boomer man thinks it's funny to joke about date rape
I was in AZ for business watching basketball at the hotel bar I was staying at.
I had a glass of wine when a boomer nam probably early 60s sits down next to me. I could tell he was already hammered but i tried to ignore him and watch my Nuggets.
A while later I get up to go vape outside and put a coaster over my wine glass as one does. When I come back from outside, the coaster is still there and right as I sit down the boomer fool next me slurred "I was going to take the coaster off of your drink because it would be funny for you to think someone put something in your drink"
Both myself and the bartender were flabbergasted that anyone would think that making someone think they have been drugged would be even remotely "funny" The other people around the bar were equally disgusted and soon after the boomer left but not before making some joke about how he's not getting laid that night as if anyone gives a fuck.
Like WTF??? I'm not sure what in his lead riddled brain would make that acceptable!
submitted by andrez444 to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
I had a glass of wine when a boomer nam probably early 60s sits down next to me. I could tell he was already hammered but i tried to ignore him and watch my Nuggets.
A while later I get up to go vape outside and put a coaster over my wine glass as one does. When I come back from outside, the coaster is still there and right as I sit down the boomer fool next me slurred "I was going to take the coaster off of your drink because it would be funny for you to think someone put something in your drink"
Both myself and the bartender were flabbergasted that anyone would think that making someone think they have been drugged would be even remotely "funny" The other people around the bar were equally disgusted and soon after the boomer left but not before making some joke about how he's not getting laid that night as if anyone gives a fuck.
Like WTF??? I'm not sure what in his lead riddled brain would make that acceptable!