How to from strattera withdraw

Apologies in advance if this is long af and kind of all over the place, I’ve got a lot to say lol
I’ve been taking Adderall for the past 10+ years. I was specifically on 30mg XR for majority of that time. It wasn’t until the shortage within the last 3 years (that I experienced, I know it’s been going on longer) that I started to reevaluate my situation. So at first my doctor moved me down to 20mg XR of Adderall and added on 150mg of Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrin didn’t really do much besides making me very irritated and angry lol. The Adderall drop from 30mg XR to 20mg XR wasn’t bad, but the more I’ve been on this specific dosage now I notice a difference in when I take it and when it wears off. After a few months of the 150mg for Wellbutrin, we moved it up to 300mg to see if that would make a difference. It actually helped and it seemed like it was working really well. However, I ended up getting an allergic reaction to it and had to stop taking Wellbutrin lol. Went back to the doctor and we decided to try Strattera next. We started with 25mg, which I stayed on for a while, but it didn’t do much so we moved it up to 50mg, which is what I am still on now.
I’m not sure if it is really doing much for me at this dosage? Is it hard for anyone else to tell? Like I notice some big things like getting tired midday or not having much focus after a certain period of time, but I feel like that is just the Adderall wearing off. Plus the fact that I was on 30mg XR of Adderall for that long I think it’s just messed my brain up a bit. I really didn’t want to switch from the 30mg XR of Adderall in the beginning b/c it had been working for so long, but b/c of the shortage and the side effects I had developed over all those years, I was over it. I still have issues getting the 20mg XR refilled every month, which is so stressful and frustrating I literally don’t wish it upon anyone to have to go through.
Another big thing I’ve noticed is my appetite. Being on Adderall has suppressed it, but the Strattera does nothing (from what I’ve noticed). I think it could be due to taking 30mgs of Adderall for 10+ years that the Strattera doesn’t do much unless at a high high dose, but I feel like I binge a lot more, which is so upsetting. I’ve always had an issue with it, but the high dosage of Adderall helped a bit to control it. Could also be stress who knows
I’m thinking of bringing the Adderall down to maybe 15 or even 10mg then raising the Strattera to either 80mg or 100mg to see how that will feel? I would love to be off of Adderall, but I’m scared b/c it helps and the withdrawal is not fun. My doctor and I talked about switching to vyvanse, but I wanted to move away from having to take stimulants (eventually) and my insurance doesn’t cover the brand. Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences? I haven’t seen many people on here talking about taking Adderall and Strattera together (could be missing it as well) so hoping there are a few that can provide some insight.
I feel like I’m missing a lot, but I hope someone is able to relate to this in some way as well!

I got prescribed 25mg of Strattera about 1.5 months ago and went up to 60mg ~10 days ago. For the last two or three nights I've been getting awful dreams, like nightmares but no monsters or demons. Just dreams of really distressing arguments with my family and girlfriend that leave me upset in the morning. I've never had dreams like that, and they've happened every night for the last three nights. Apparently this is a known effect of Strattera, and so I'd like to get off it as I've also had no help with ADHD.
So my question is: how do I taper off Strattera? I have a leftover supply of 25mg, so could I be very aggressive and go down to 25/day for 1 week and then stop entirely? Or would I need to get some 10mgs and decrease every week or two from 60-25-10-0? I'd really like to get off it as soon as possible if these dreams are gonna continue--they're making me anxious to go to bed. So if an aggressive taper is possible I'd like to do it, and if there are mild withdrawal symptoms I can handle it as long as they aren't worse than getting a cold.

The Psychiatric Drug-Induced Suicide of Robin Williams - Two Years Later by Gary G. Kohls, MD FEBRUARY 10, 2020
55 years ago (July 2, 1961) an American literary icon, Ernest Hemingway, committed suicide at his beloved vacation retreat in Ketchum, Idaho. He had just flown to Ketchum after being discharged from a psychiatric ward at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN where he had received a series of electroconvulsive “treatments” (ECT) for a life-long depression that had started after he had experienced the horrors of World War I. In the “War To End All Wars” he had been a non-combatant ambulance driver and stretcher-bearer.
One of Hemingway’s wartime duties was to retrieve the mutilated bodies of living and dead humans and the body parts of the dead ones from the Italian sector of the WWI battle zone. In more modern times his MOS (military occupational specialty)might have been called Grave’s Registration, a job that - in the Vietnam War - had one of the highest incidences of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that arose in that war’s aftermath.
Hemingway, just like many of the combat-induced PTSD victims of every war, was likely haunted for the rest of his life by the horrific images of the wounded and dead, so there was no question that he had what was later to be understood as combat-induced PTSD with depression, panic attacks, nightmares, auditory and/or visual hallucinations and insomnia.
Unfortunately for Papa, the psychiatrists at the Mayo Clinic were unaware of the reality of the PTSD phenomenon. They mistakenly thought that he had a mental illness (depression) of unknown etiology. (The diagnosis of PTSD wasn’t validated by the American Psychiatric Association as a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) diagnosis until 1980.)
Hemingway, a legendary chronic alcoholic who consumed large volumes of hard liquor daily, had also been wounded by shrapnel in WWI so he probably also had physical pain issues. Therefore, like many other soldier-victims of combat-induced PTSD he used alcohol to self-medicate his physical pain as well as his psychic pain, anxiety, insomnia, nightmares, failed marriages and the financial stresses related to the alimony payments to his ex-wives.
Following his Mayo Clinic misadventure, Hemingway rapidly came to understand that his latest ECT “treatments” had erased his memory and creativity, and, because those realities were essential for him to continue his writing career and feeling that he no longer had a reason for living - ended his life. There is no record of what psychiatric drugs he had been prescribed over the years, but ECT is typically only attempted after all psychiatric drug options had failed.
The Parallel Paths of Artistic Geniuses Like Hemingway and Williams (and Michael Jackson and Prince)
53 years after Hemingway’s self-inflicted death, another American icon, actor and comedian Robin Williams, entered the Hazelden psychiatric facility and addiction treatment center - also in my home state of Minnesota. He was treated with a cocktail of (undisclosed) psychiatric drugs for a month and, shortly after his discharge, committed suicide by hanging (August 11, 2014) at his California home. The cocktail of brain-altering drugs surely was a major factor in his becoming increasingly depressed, losing appetite, losing weight and withdrawing from his loved ones.
His discharge medications, which included the so-called “antidepressant” drug mirtazapine (Remeron – which is well-known to increase the risk of suicidal thinking), the so-called anti-psychotic drug Seroquel (probably prescribed off-label for his insomnia) plus an unknown anti-Parkinsonian drug caused him to be somnolent, despondent, despairing and increasingly depressed.
Remeron, it should be emphasized, is well-known to cause suicidal thinking (and attempted suicide) and carries the Food and Drug Administration’s “Black box” warning for suicidality. After he returned home, he was said to have slept in his darkened bedroom, up to 20 hours a day, in a probably drug-induced stupor.
Remeron, it is helpful to remind readers, was one of the two psych meds (the other was the anti-psychotic drug Haldol) that the infamous Andrea Yates was taking before she irrationally drowned her five children - including her 6-month-old baby Mary - in the family bathtub. The devoutly religious Texas mother was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life imprisonment but – at re-trial – had her conviction changed to “not guilty by reason of insanity” (rather than “not guilty by reason of the intoxicating, insanity-inducing and homicidal effects of psychiatric medications!”). She is now spending the rest of her life in a psychiatric facility, no longer a threat to children.
Robin Williams was said to have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease while at Hazelden. The symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease are well known to be caused by antipsychotic drugs such as Seroquel. Children who have been given anti-psychotic drugs (most commonly foster care children) are now coming down with Parkinson’s Disease at an early age, an illness totally unheard of prior to the formation of the subspecialty of Pediatric Psychiatry.
The Secrets of NIMH (and Hazelden)
30 years ago or so a cartoon movie was released about lab rats that were trying to escape extermination by the National Institute of Mental Health. The movie was titled “The Secret of NIMH”. I tried to watch it a few years ago and was disappointed to discover that it really didn’t expose any of the real secrets of NIMH, its American Psychiatric Association foundations or the psychopharmaceutical industry’s unholy alliance with NIMH. I understand that a remake of the film is planned. I hope some of the real secrets will be revealed in the new film.
Robin Williams left no suicide note, and so far Hazelden is mum on what happened behind closed doors during that fateful – and failed – month-long stay.
“What Brain-Altering Drugs was Williams or Michael Jackson or Prince On?”
Williams’ legendary cocaine and amphetamine use are certainly factors to consider as contributing causes for his suicide, for such drugs are notoriously toxic to mitochondria and brain cells. What is also deserving of consideration is the fact that when patients abruptly quit taking an antipsychotic drug, withdrawal symptoms can occur - even if the drug was first prescribed for non-psychotic issues like insomnia. Those withdrawal symptoms can include irrational thinking, loss of impulse control, psychoses, hallucinations, insomnia and mania, any of which can lead a physician to falsely diagnose “schizophrenia” or “bipolar disorder” or any number of mental disorders “of unknown cause”.
Some of Williams’ closest friends are logically wondering about what was the effect of the newly prescribed drugs that may have motivated Williams to so illogically kill himself. Hollywood journalists swarmed all over the tragic event two years ago, but characteristically avoided even speculating about the possibility of psychiatric drug-induced suicide, the most logical explanation for the series of events, especially for any thinking person who knows anything about the connections between psychiatric prescription drugs and suidicality, homicidality, aggression, violence, dementia, and irrational thinking and actions (whether while taking the drugs or withdrawing from them).
Such informed people have already asked themselves the question: “I wonder what psych drugs Robin (or Hemingway or Michael Jackson or Prince) was taking?” Tragically, the media has been totally unhelpful in discussing that important question or in offering any answers to the question. Iatrogenic (doctor-caused or prescription drug-induced) causes of morbidity and mortality are apparently not to be discussed in polite company.
It is important to point out that a bottle of Seroquel with 8 pills missing was found in Williams’ bedroom and drug toxicity testing revealed Remeron in Williams’ bloodstream at autopsy. The coroner emphasized that the dose of the legally-prescribed drug was at “therapeutic levels”, which is, of course, totally unhelpful information, given the fact that the undesired effects of a drug have no correlation to dosage.
The Taboo Reality of Iatrogenesis: Psych Drugs Can Cause Suicidality
There have been millions of words written about how much everybody was shocked by Williams’ suicide. There have been thousands of flowers placed at any number of temporary shrines “honoring” his legacy. There have been thousands of comments on the internet from amateur arm-chair psychologists spouting obsolete clichés about suicide, mental illness, drug abuse, alcoholism, cocaine addiction, and how wonderful psychoactive prescription drugs have been.
And there have been hundreds of dis-informational essays and website commentaries written by professional arm-chair psychiatrists who have financial or career conflicts of interest with Big Pharma, Big Psychiatry, Big Medicine, Big Vaccine and the rehab industries. Most of those commentaries distract readers from making the connections between suicidality and psych drugs. Some of the comments I have read have preemptively tried to discredit those who are publicly making those connections.
Whenever unexpected suicides or accidental drug overdose deaths occur among heavily drugged-up military veterans, active duty soldiers, Hollywood celebrities or other groups of individuals, I search the media – usually in vain - for information that identifies the drugs that are usually involved in such cases. But revealing the drug names, dosages, length of usage or who prescribed them seems to be a taboo subject. One has to read between the lines or wait until the information gets revealed at www.ssristories.org(a Big Pharma-exposing whistle-blowing website that should be mandatory reading for everybody who prescribes or consumes psychiatric drugs).
Patient confidentiality is usually the reason given for the cover-ups – and why important potentially teachable moments about these iatrogenic (drug-induced or vaccine-induced) tragedies are averted.
Big Pharma, the AMA, the APA, the AAP, the AAFP, the CDC, the FDA, the NIH, the NIMH, Wall Street and most of the patient or disease advocacy groups that sponsor the annual fund-raising “searches for the cure” events all understand that the hidden epidemic of iatrogenic illnesses must be covered-up. And, simultaneously, the altruistic whistle-blowers among us will be black-listed, denigrated, labeled as nuisance conspiracy theorists or even criminalized.
The well-funded corporate entities mentioned above also know how useful it is if patients (rather than the system) are blamed for causing their own health problems. Typical examples include: “you eat too much”, “you don’t exercise enough”, “you smoke too much”, “you don’t eat right”, “your family history is bad”, “you don’t take your meds correctly”, “you don’t come in for your screening tests/routine exams often enough”, “you don’t get all the vaccinations like you are told to do”, etc).
Highly unlikely “genetic” causes are energetically promoted as preferable root causes of totally preventable iatrogenic illnesses (because inherited disorders are not preventable and are also essentially untreatable). This reality ensures that researchers can annually demand billions of dollars for research while at the same time short-changing and discrediting simple, cheap, do-it-yourself preventive efforts that don’t need a doctor.
The confidence of the American public in Big Pharma’s drug and vaccine promotions must not be disturbed. Wall Street’s rigged stock market does not permit the publication of any information that could destroy investor confidence in the pharmaceutical or vaccine corporation’s highly profitable products, even if the (corporate pseudo-)science behind the drugs and vaccines is bogus and the unaffordable products are also dangerous.
The beauty of an unbiased public inquest, which I advocated for in this column two years ago, should have been done in the case of Robin Williams and all the school shooters, is the subpoena power of a grand jury to open up the previously secretive medical records and enforce testimony from Williams’ psychiatric treatment team. The public could finally hear information that could make comprehensible the mysterious death of yet another high-profile suicide victim - and start the process of actually de-mystifying America’s suicide and violence epidemics.
An inquest would likely reveal that Robin Williams did not have a “mental illness of unknown cause” or “bipolar disorder of unknown cause” or “depression of unknown cause” or “suicidality of unknown cause”.
An inquest would obtain testimony from feared whistle-blower experts in the fields of medicine, psychiatry and psychopharmaceuticals such as Peter Breggin, MD, Joseph Glenmullen, MD, Grace Jackson, MD, David Healey, MD, Russell Blaylock, MD, Fred Baughman, MD and other well-informed medical specialists who don’t own stock in Big Pharma corporations and who know very well how dangerous their drugs can be.
Robin Williams did not have a Mental Illness of Unknown Etiology
Just knowing a little about the life and times of Robin Williams and others on the long list of celebrity victims of psychiatric drugs (like Michael Jackson and Prince both of whom “died too soon”) would easily disprove most of the unscientific theories about their deaths that have widely published online.
Why did many of us psych drug sceptics and psychiatric survivors want an inquest in Robin Williams’ suicide? We wanted to know the names of the ingredients in the cocktail of drugs that had been tried on him (and the dosages and length of time they were taken). We wanted to know what side effects he had from the drugs and what his responses were. We wanted to know what was the reasoning behind the decision to prescribe unproven combinations of powerful drugs on someone whose brain was already compromised by the past use of known illegal brain-damaging drugs.
And we wanted to know, for the sake of past and future victims of these neurotoxic substances, if the prescribing practitioners informed Williams about the dangers of those treatments, particularly the black box suicide warnings for Remeron.
Stress-induced and Drug-induced Mental Ill Health Doesn’t Mean One is Mentally Ill
Robin Williams gained fame and fortune as a comic actor, starting with what was to become his trade mark manic acting style (stimulant drug-induced mania?) on “Mork and Mindy”. As have many other famous persons that attained sudden fame and fortune, Williams spent his millions lavishly and – in retrospect – often foolishly. After his third marriage he found that he could no longer afford his Hollywood lifestyle.
But long before his two divorces and the serious financial difficulties caused him to decompensate and again fall off the sobriety wagon, Robin Williams had lived in the fast lane, working long exhausting days and weeks and partying long exhausting nights with the help of stimulant drugs like the dependency-inducing drug cocaine (that overcomes sleepiness and fatigue) and artificial sleep-inducing tranquilizers whose mechanism of action resembles long-acting alcohol. Sedative drugs artificially counter the drug-induced mania and drug-induced insomnia that predictably results from psycho-stimulants like cocaine, nicotine, caffeine, Ritalin, Strattera, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Wellbutrin, Provigil, amphetamines, etc, etc).
Williams had acknowledged that he was addicted to both cocaine and alcohol when his famous comedian buddy John Belushi died of an accidental drug overdose shortly after they had snorted cocaine together (March 4, 1962). Shortly after Belushi’s overdose death, Williams quit both drugs cold turkey, and he remained sober and cocaine-free for the next 20 years. There is no public information about his use of addictive prescription drugs, but it is well-known that many Hollywood personalities like him have close relationships with both prescription-writing physicians and illicit drug pushers, many of whom make house calls.
However, Williams relapsed in 2006 and started abusing drugs and alcohol again, eventually being admitted to a Hazelden drug rehab facility in Oregon. After “taking the cure” he continued his exhausting career making movies, doing comedy tours and engaging in personal appearances in order to “pay the bills and support my family”.
After two expensive divorces, huge indebtedness and an impending bankruptcy, Williams was forced, in September of 2013, to sell both his $35,000,000 home and his even more expensive 600-acre ranch in Napa Valley. He moved into a more modest, more affordable home in the San Francisco area, where he lived until his death.
But despite solving his near-bankruptcy situation (which would make any sane person temporarily and deeply sad), Williams continued having a hard time paying his bills – especially his alimony payments, so he was forced to go back to making movies (which he despised doing because of the rigorous schedule and being away from his family for extended periods of time). And he hated the fact that he was being financially forced to sign a contract to do a “Mrs. Doubtfire” sequel later in 2014.
For regular income, he took a job doing a TV comedy series called “The Crazy Ones”, but the pressures of working so hard got him drinking again, even using alcohol on the set, which he had never done before. He was making $165,000 per episode and was counting on continuing the series beyond the first season in order to have a steady income.
So when CBS cancelled the show in May 2014, humiliation, sadness, anxiety and insomnia naturally set in, and he decided to go for professional help at the Minnesota Hazelden addiction facility, spending the month of July 2014 as an patient there.
The public deserves to know what really happened inside that facility.
We certainly deserve to know the full story. There are many painful lessons that can be learned. Those who think that we can’t handle the truth are wrong.
The psychiatric drug-taking public deserves to know what were the offending drugs that contributed to his pain, anguish, sadness, nervousness, insomnia, sleep deprivation, hopelessness and the seemingly irrational decision to kill himself.
And the family, friends and fans of Robin Williams certainly deserve to know the essential facts of the case which, if not revealed to us, will otherwise just result in a blind continuation of America’s “mysterious” iatrogenic suicide, violence and dementia epidemics. Ignorance of the well-hidden truths will just allow the continuation of Big Pharma’s ill-gotten gains and its deception of the medical profession and their patients for so long - and destroying the memory, creativity, brains and lives of millions of patients simultaneously.
For more information on the above very serious issues, check out these websites: www.ssristories.com, www.madinamerica.com, http://rxisk.org/www.mindfreedom.org, www.breggin.com,www.cchrint.org, www.drugawareness.org, www.psychrights.org, www.quitpaxil.org, www.endofshock.com.
Appendix A
The Powers-That-Be That Would Keep Us Ignorant
Big Pharma, the AMA, the APA, the AAP, the AAFP, the CDC, the FDA, the NIH, the NIMH, Wall Street and most of the patient or disease advocacy groups that sponsor the annual fund-raising and very futile “searches for the cure” all understand that the hidden epidemic of iatrogenic illnesses must be de-emphasized. And, simultaneously, the altruistic whistle-blowers among us will be black-listed, denigrated and labeled as nuisance conspiracy theorists.
https://freepress.org/article/psychiatric-drug-induced-suicide-robin-williams-two-years-later?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1AyLy3MJ8Tp2DTwc_c4G5DyQ1InTevjbzhmN5SiIb1CTv4neZIUTFdNoM_aem_AYJChMg0jV8OZPvcXTWQj6v6bU68PWGBdCO3saO27D9LaXhPIsUf8Mxnk2iAnypzxC-CDHI9t1jx9PG7e5KMkZO-

So as the title suggests I want to put my review of this medication out there from my start date to where I am today because I believe Strattera gets a terrible reputation. I believe the reputation Strattera has may be justified in some sense. After all- for someone who has untreated ADHD is it really reasonable to ask them to wait months to get some level of symptom management?
I started on Strattera when I moved out here to Texas for work about six months ago. I had ran out of Adderall and was desperate for something to help out. In Texas, specifically where I’m at, they are VERY picky about prescribing schedule two drugs. All that to say Strattera wasn’t my first choice but I figured it was better than nothing. So with a backdrop of me going through amphetamine withdrawals I began Strattera.
The side effects at 40 mgs kicked my butt. Way worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. For about a month and a half I was living in a haze. Sexual dysfunction, moodiness-everything. I still don’t know why I continued to take this medication when I felt so bad constantly. And I also don’t know how much of this was Strattera or amphetamine withdrawal.
Then just when things were getting better I upped the dosage to 60. Believe it or not there wasn’t as many side effects bumping up to 60 mgs. I mean I was tired a couple days but nothing too wild.
About a month and a half in on 60 mgs I noticed something truly magnificent. I had learned how to cook and budget my money… something I have never done. Whoa… more than that I had a daily planner and I could actually plan stuff. Still my ability to focus was mostly unaffected.
I upped the dosage to 80 after about three months on 60 and my side effects came back with a vengeance for about two weeks.
So that brings us to where we are today. I’m about a month and a half in on 80 mgs and I absolutely LOVE it. I’m finally at a dosage now where Strattera is actually helping with focus. It’s truly magnificent. I know this may be an unpopular thing to say, but the level of symptom management I am getting right now is just better than anything a stimulate ever gave me. I take one pill and it lasts all day. I finally have my life back after struggling with my ADHD for years.

Hi guys,
I recently mistimed ordering my prescription, which meant I was without my meds for 4 days. I was always under the impression there was no withdrawal symptoms from Strattera, however I experienced some of the following symptoms:
- sweating
- paranoia & what I would describe as bordering psychotic state (not 100% sure on how to describe)
- nightmares
- Derealisation
- Sudden lows & sleepiness
- re-emergance of stress related tics
I am just wondering if anybody can relate to this as it was pretty distressing and unexpected :(
TIA!
​
​

Hey there.
I'm a male aged 36. I have been taking Strattera 40mg for the past 5 weeks and having all sorts of not fun side effects. Nausea, tremors, lack of appetite, lack of taste, extreme dry mouth, and some very weird sexual stuff. Well, my doctor decided that I should try something else and she prescribed me Wellbutrin XL 150mg. She is telling me I can stop taking Straterra immediately and either wait a week and start Wellbutrin or start immediately.
I've heard that Straterra withdrawal is a real thing and really terrible. Any advice on how to proceed or what to expect from Wellbutrin would be awesome. Thanks!

• Psychiatrist on call told me to stop taking Strattera immediately. The blood pressure and shivers and horrible digestive issues have only gotten worse, to the point even suppositories can’t get waste out of my body. I am in pain and feel ill. I have psychiatrist appointment in ten days but feel so sick, and frankly scared, of impacted bowels and blood pressure issues that I called the office today.
  
• They also said due to not having much bowel movement for 7+ days even with supplements and suppositories, to give it one more day and take whatever laxatives/supplements sent to my pharmacy. If the meds don’t make me pass waste by tomorrow, I was told to go to the ER. 😭
  
• Can someone please give experience of constipation or blood pressure issues with Strattera and how long it took for side effects to recede after stopping? What can I expect from withdrawal as some experience no symptoms while others get sick? I’m trying to get magnesium and Miralax alongside the medication psychiatrist sent for me to deal with my bowels. I’m heartbroken and so tired.
  

It’s been three weeks of Strattera after stopping Wellbutrin due to seizure risks. Losing Wellbutrin was heartbreaking enough, but I was willing to try another norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor while waiting for GeneSite test results. Started at 25mg and went up to 40mg. Executive dysfunction and anxiety was improved but the side effects are completely debilitating…
Side effects have fluctuated with blood pressure/dizziness/increased heart rate/pressure behind eyes/nausea/constipation/stomach cramps/bloating/lethargy/extreme sleep discrepancies/weird body shivers and chills (not like brain zaps from Cymbalta and not from being cold…). Sleep and lethargy and nausea were improving eventually…
Update: I drank half an entire bottle of Miralax, sick in the bathroom all day, but the relief of ridding myself of waste is beyond words and I have plans to address recovery of my gut.

When i was much younger before I developed crippling anxiety and ptsd; I had been used to taking adderall 45mg a day since 3rd grade. I am now almost 22 years of age and take buspar lamictal and clonazepam daily along with my other medication for my gastroparesis and ibs-c. I quit taking adderall or vyvanse or anything amphetamine when i was 17 as it made me very depressed when it wore off. I went back on it 2 years later while I was taking olanzapine and abilify for mania and anxiety control (i also am Bipolar and have OCD). Please keep in mind i am not self diagnosed. This is a struggle alot of people here have, its complex the amount of conditions comorbid with ptsd all on top of everything making treating the others very challenging. In the past 3 years my anxiety has gone up to extremes of agoraphobia and delusions i couldnt even take my medication myself. when it got under control I was under heavy usage of antipsychotics. My previous psychiatrist and i believe I was having manic delusions. For reference Timeframe about 2 months after having left the pych ward for my 3rd suicide attempt in 2020.
Skip to the end of 2022 and start of 2023. My abusive girlfriend had left me finally after cheating on me. My anxiety and depression was at its height (yet again), and I was not on antipsychotics and really dont want to be since they dampened my emotions extremely and increased my risk of TD immensely (i take domperidone). Also started to have an improvement in nausea and pain (domperidone and linzess) after finding the right doctor at jhopkins for gastroparesis and ibsC.
Skip to july I finally have a good psychiatrist after having seen 3 others who of which 2 said they cant treat me in good mind and 1 plain blamed me for not doing more to prevent what happened to me again and again (in reference to my childhood trauma) and my previous one quitting being a psychiatrist.
I get prescribed lamictal and buspar again finally after struggling to take my psych meds for months. A month later am prescribed mirtazapine and clonazepam both for daily use. I never took the mirtazapine because I am scared of psych meds. Even though ive been on it before. I have a weird obsession over medication because i anticipate a bad reaction or an extreme panic attack.
I've been through multiple sessions and its march of 2024 now and want to treat my adhd because I want to study or just be able to focus on anything for more than a moment. Ive always struggled with focus since i can first remember. I had taken every adhd medication as a child to 17 and adderall helped the best. But since about 2 years ago its given me extreme anxiety and was forced to withdraw usage.
I don't know if I can ever be able to take any adhd medication anymore. I can't even drink caffeine... seriously it gives me the on edge feeling or will give me a panic attack. Even if im taking my klonopin which i do daily. (I know thats not good long term but its what im prescribed and helps me not think.)
My problem is I cant think, and when I am forced to, I remember all the bad things in vivid images in my head.
I'm not sure what to do.
Ive talked to my psychiatrist about all of this before and he tells me as long as im not going to hurt myself or are bedridden I will be fine. And I'm on disability so I cant work atm. I want to go to school and learn about some stupid shit most people would think is useless. Its embarrassing. Everything is always, but im strafing off from my point.
It feels like I cant treat my ptsd and inability to focus at the same time. Idk where to start with my doctor today... modafinil was a suggestion from the psych ward stay. Antipsychotics are another. Clonodine was one i had tried in the past and helped somewhat. Other medicines i dont know. Adderall and vyvanse helped me focus the most. Ritalin and concerta made my heart palpitate bad. Strattera helped me focus but did the same. Welbutrin made me suicidal. Im scared of starting any medication. And honestly just think im gonna be stuck here unable to think unmotivated for a while. I cant even read books anymore and I used to love reading books. I havent read a book in 4 years.
Does anyone relate? Being bipolar adhd ocd with ptsd... how do you do it? How do you deal with adhd if stimulants really make you get into your thoughts? I overthink, with the most literal meaning i can give, EVERYTHING. Its taken me over 2 years to be able to take my pills by myself and even then i can only do it sometimes. I need constant reassurance by my family who im thankful somewhat understand im different, and give me alot of patience.
I will ask about modafinil or clonodine. Today if anyone has any talking points or medications i should bring up with my doctor I would be open.
The medication i take at the time of writing this daily are: Buspar 15mg 3x/d, Lamictal 100mg once, Pantoprazole 40mg SOD once, Linzess 145mcg once, Domperidone 10mg 4-8times/d, Promethazine 25mg 3-4times/d, Zofran 8mg 3-4times/d, Clonazepam 0.5-1mg split amount for 3 times/d (greater if panic attack sets up).
Supposed to be taking mirtazapine 30mg a day but have not... just because im scared of probably nonexistent anxiety, and is more likely than not helpful.
I used to smoke weed daily for nausea and help with anxiety but gave that up after starting on domperidone and have had panic attacks with trying to use it since.
AMA except for my trauma 🙏.

I am a 35yr old female on 60 mg for 6-7 months
If I miss a dose (or am 5 hours or more late in taking my dose) I feel so weird, I get extremely anxious, nauseous, a feeling of dread, insomnia, and hazy. Its so hard for me to put into words the feeling. It's a toss up between feeling like mild opiate withdrawal (without the body aches, and dirreah) or feeling like coming down from a bad trip (with out the hallucinations).
I am a recovering addict with 4 years clean. Thus the reason that I was put on Strattera. I was told that is the only non-addictive ADHD medication on the market. I wish I would have asked even though it's not addictive will I become physically dependent on it, in other words will I go through withdrawal if I don't have it. Thou I don't know if this question would have helped. The first time that I missed a dose I went to the Strattera website and couldn't find anything on withdrawal. I found side effects and what to do if you miss a dose (when to take next dose), but not a single thing on withdrawal or missed dose side effects. If I would have know ahead of time the possible withdrawal / side effects of a missed dose I would have chose not to get on Strattera. Feeling like I am in withdrawal (while clean) is a huge trigger for me. My brains solution to fix feeling like this is take opiates, just like a person gets a headach and thinks I sould take Motrin. Opiate addiction causes a pathological organ change (brain forms new pathways) that tells the addict to use. This is the reason that even a person with 20 years clean can smell, see, or feel something and get the urge to use. It is extremely reckless to not list these withdraw / side effects, especially considering the Opiate epidemic that our country is dealing with.
I was so relieved when I found this thread. I now know that I am not the only one suffering with withdrawal/ side effects. I don't understand how their website or paperwork that comes with the med from the pharmacy dosent even touch on this.
I wanted to also add that I had these same symptoms with my first dose of 20mg except instead of insomnia I was ridiculously tired.
If you are experiencing any of these withdrawal / side effect symptoms please know that you are not alone. There are other people on here going through the same misery you are.

on the topic of addiction and what it is so this might be a long ass post lol. this is what I've been thinking about lately and I don't necessarily need a direct answer to this question, just any thoughts related to it.
SO im on various substances for regulation... Zoloft and Strattera for anxiety, depression, and ADHD executive dysfunction. whenever I go one day without taking them, I get symptoms of withdrawal that are legitimately painful. however, they work to an extent and have at least prevented me from harming myself (Zoloft especially).
now, I also like to smoke a toke now and again. I've previously worked at a job I hated, so I would smoke or take a strong edible way too often (several bowls a day). what was worse is it was pure THC that I didn't know would lead to mild psychosis. safe to say this was an addiction, and this is cause for concern for anybody on the spectrum.
I took several months off and now, I try to only smoke once a week. I use strains with more CBD than THC and I haven't had the weed spooks at all anymore. it helps me finish my chores, relax, do art projects, pick up on social cues, eat, motivate me to socialize and leave the house..... just off the top of my head.
my point is: if I *need* occasional weed for regulation, to what extent is that an addiction? wouldn't that mean I am also "addicted" to Zoloft and Strattera? (and more so because I can't go a single day without them?) how dangerous is it to smoke every time im dysregulated, would that create a dependency? and why would a mild dependency on cannabis be "worse" than a dependency on prescription pills? I understand that there is a gradual and non-euphoric effect of these pills, but if I smoke less than several people drink, why do I feel concerned about this... stigma?

Got prescribed 25mg for 6 weeks till my follow up appt. Never been prescribed anything before so I was a little nervous. I’ll try to remember to update this every day to show my experience. I only understand that effects will show in a few weeks and might experience some side effects.
2/19 Day 1: small headache on my left side towards my left eye, rash on my right eyebrow, felt about the same, some fatigue, towards the night vivid dreams No nausea, a little heartburn Dry mouth too but it motivates me to stay hydrated
2/20 Day 2: so far, no difference. No side effects but dry mouth, rash is going away. still feel the same.
Midnight Update: couple hot flashes during work, other than that no other side effects, I still feel the same from before meds
2/21: Day 3: Felt nothing, kinda feeling more emotionless than before meds, no other side effects Called clinic to see if I can schedule a follow up sooner
2/22: Day 4: Felt a headache coming in, as a daily coffee drinker for many years I figured it might be a withdrawal, i was so lazy to get up from bed, eventually I drank a cup, and felt normal almost right away, motivated, and with emotion. I read that caffeine may reverse the effect of strattera. Is this the right med for me?
2/23 Day 5: Take forever to get up from bed, wake up exhausted, very lazy. More brain fog. More rashes on my arms. I forget what happens on the daily. Contacted clinic and was told to stop the med. I have an appointment 2/26 so I’ll see what’s next.
2/24-2/26 Felt fine, didn’t feel emotionless, and my rashes from arms are almost gone by this morning. Feel like I’m back in square one to how I started before strattera. Went to my follow up appt and got prescribed Wellbutrin to try out.

If I were to stop taking strattera tomorrow, about how many days would it take to wear off so that I no longer feel the effects? A few days? A week?
I’m on the lowest dose (10 mg). I’m a male in my mid 20s. I’m not sure if these factors will make any difference.
Even at only 10mg I’ve found some of the side effects to be borderline intolerable, though it’s overall an effective medication, which is a shame.
Additionally, will I get withdrawal symptoms from discontinuing the medication? And if so, will they be the same as the symptoms I had when beginning the medication?
TLDR: how many days approximately does it take for you to feel completely “normal” after discontinuing Strattera?

UPDATE: Full story posted here if anyone is invested in finishing it: https://www.reddit.com/offmychest/s/YxEaNfe5AA
Hi ladies, right before the holidays my life imploded and ADHD has had a lot to do with it. It has been an absolute rollercoaster and at this point I have pretty much lost everything, so if you make it through this saga of a post I really really appreciate you. My friend sent me a list of therapist recommendations but the only one that sounded good isn't taking new clients, so I'm just gonna post my story on here instead. Cheaper route.
My husband and I have been together 7 years. The first half of the marriage was really great- we were official after one week of dating, engaged after one year, and married after two. We spent two years working, taking nice trips, and fixing up our house. At the end of 2020 we decided to try for a baby, and as we were literally about to get in the car to leave for the trip on which we hoped to conceive the baby, my husband tells me that he is worried about having a kid with me because he doesn't want to have to do all the work when the baby comes. He told me that he felt some resentment toward me for the imbalance of labor in our home.
This really caught me off guard. I am a special needs teacher and, though I tend to change schools about once a year, I have never been unemployed. Up until that point I'd taken care of the majority of the housework because, while my job is mentally very draining, his job is incredibly physical. But when the pandemic hit and schools went virtual, I was suddenly at home every day for the first time in my life (I have worked 1-3 jobs at a time since I was 16) and for some reason, my ability to stay on top of housework actually went down. Even though I was home all day, I couldn't self-regulate getting those tasks done when I now had the whole day or week to procrastinate them. My husband would come home from working hard and he would have to cook his own dinner or end up sweeping the floors when he saw dust accumulating. Our house is actually extremely tidy and organized because I have OCD that manifests in constant counting and rearranging, so he was never walking into a messy house, it was more so walking onto a floor that should have been swept days ago or dishes in the sink that could have been loaded into the dishwasher yesterday. Nothing very alarming, and I could absolutely understand why it annoyed him, but the fact that he had formed resentment over it and doubted my abilities as a future mother really surprised and hurt me. At this point the schools had been closed for seven months, so I guess I just felt like those types of feelings developing over that short an amount of time was unexpected.
As I said, I am a special needs teacher. In addition to that, my dad and brother have severe ADHD and I've watched the shit they've gotten themselves into their whole lives. I am incredibly knowledgeable about mental disorders and ADHD in particular - I write the IEPs and implement the accommodations/modifications for my students with ADHD! That being said, I had never considered I might have it. I was always loud and spontaneous and passionate and impatient but I was never the hot messes that my dad and twin are. But my husband and I had been struggling in the bedroom as well because, although he was honestly amazing at it, I could just never get interested. I found sex boring, and I dreaded it and put it off like a chore. We'd still have it 1-3 times a week because I knew it was incredibly important to him, but he wanted to have it 1-2 times a day and let me know constantly how unhappy our current rate made him. So when I had been desperately researching why I couldn't get very excited about sex, I'd started stumbling onto ADHD information. I read about things that didn't just sound like my brother or dad, I read stuff that sounded like me. Then I read about the toxic dynamics that can develop between NT and ADHD partners, and lots of those patterns sounded familiar (parent/child dynamic, his nagging and my withdrawal, etc.). So when my husband said this thing about our labor division being uneven and me possibly not being able to adequately "mom," I brought up ADHD to him and the possibility that I might have it. He did read the sources I sent him, and he told me that he agreed because everything he read described how he felt. We talked it over and decided that we would postpone seeing a doctor and pursuing treatment until after we had our first baby.
I got pregnant within two weeks, with a little girl. My husband was ecstatic and the pregnancy/delivery couldn't have been smoother. Honestly it was like a dream until we took my daughter to her one-week check-up. I had gotten her all dressed up and was excited to show my sweet baby to the doctor, only to have the doctor come in, look at my daughter, look at me, and say, "Your daughter has lost 17% of her birth weight. Anything over 10% is a concern. Look, her skin is yellow- that's jaundice. Did this seem normal to you???" I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I'd just thought she looked beautiful, I honestly didn't think she looked thin or sick. The doctor told me to go home and pump to see how much milk I was getting, since I was exclusively breastfeeding, and if it wasn't at least two ounces to put her on formula. Now, again, this is my first baby so I didn't understand really how it's supposed to look or feel when your milk comes in, and I guess mine just never did because when I went home to pump, I got between 1/4 to 1/2 ounce of milk. That was it. So the whole week my baby had been on my breast for hours at a time, and I'd thought that meant she was feeding, but the doctor said it just meant she was struggling to get milk out and burning more calories by trying so hard for so little.
So that absolutely broke my heart. I couldn't believe I'd only had this perfect little baby for one week, almost starved her to death, AND was so ignorant that I couldn't even recognize her losing weight and getting yellow. Obviously I put her on formula that day and when I brought her back to the doctors three days later they were delighted with her weight gain. After that I pretty obsessively tried to increase my milk production- I went to a lactation consultant, I took supplements, I chugged water, I pumped for an hour every 2-3 hours. The very most I was ever able to get at one time was an ounce of milk. And when I went back to work after six weeks (I had actually taught until June, had my baby in July over the summer, and then was back to school for the first day in August), pumping got even harder and I finally had to give up when at two months postpartum I was back to only getting maybe 1/4-1/2 ounce after an hour of pumping. It was hell, and obviously postpartum depression came a-knocking along with it.
So when my baby was about six months I started seeing a psychiatrist. I told him right away that yes I was depressed, but that even before PPD my husband and I were having issues with me not being able to motivate myself around the house. I knew that doctors are gonna want to treat depression or anxiety instead of ADHD because I'm a woman and I don't fit the obvious ADHD mold, and I specifically said this to the doctor. I told him that I would try what he recommended because he's the professional but that I really truly felt treating the ADHD was a bigger problem than my postpartum depression because at this point the shame of my failed breastfeeding had been fading and my depression now was largely stemming from the fact that I was getting even less done at school and home than I had before. What my husband had said about him having to do all the work with the baby was slowly coming true. I kept all of her clothes organized and I took her monthly milestone pictures and I took her to all her doctors appointments, but my husband always bathed her and changed her and, once she stopped trying to breastfeed, he began to feed her more as well. Basically any task that had to be done really routinely. He resented me for this and I understood, so I begged the doctor to please consider what I was saying about the ADHD.
But the doctor was more concerned about my OCD, which I hadn't disclosed to him initially because I felt my OCD was well-controlled at this point without medication (it had been obvious since early childhood) and I didn't want him to focus on it. It was apparently obvious on the questionnaires I filled out, though, because he looked at them and said I clearly have OCD and he would like to try meds for that first. I was annoyed but honestly I was just glad he wasn't throwing antidepressants at me first thing so I agreed. I went home and cried hysterically to my husband that I knew this kind of thing would happen, I had a spiral about never getting ADHD treatment and everything getting worse, but my husband comforted me and told me to just take the meds the doctor prescribed. I did. The Anafranil for the OCD did calm a lot of my obsessive thoughts (I'm pretty good at resisting the compulsions on my own at this point), but it made me vomit all over a bunch of people on a plane (that was traumatizing for everyone involved) and it made me even more tired, which was the worst possible side effect at this time because I already felt so incredibly tired all the time, no matter if I slept 12 hours or 2, it felt the same. After about three months I complained to the doctor about the increased fatigue, and he prescribed me Wellbutrin.
So by now our daughter was 9-10 months old. Things hadn't been easy but they certainly weren't horrible; our kid was healthy and thriving, we both had good jobs, cars, and a nice house. My husband had been complaining we didn't have enough money, so I switched jobs from my nice little suburban elementary school ten minutes from my house where I taught nonverbal autistics to a high school in one of the worst areas of a very dangerous city 45 minutes from my house, where I worked with emotionally disturbed teenagers. It was a lot, but I went from making 30K to 90K practically overnight, and it made my husband happy. For like four seconds. Because I'll never forget that on the day I took my first Wellbutrin, he snapped on me. I took the Wellbutrin and it was an amazing instant effect- I felt jittery but in a good way, like I had energy and was eager to do something for the first time since my daughter was born. Since I felt so immediately good, I suggested we take our daughter to our favorite pizza spot. He had been complaining I never wanted to do anything or go anywhere anymore, so I definitely suggested it with that in mind. But when we got in the car and I mentioned it was a 30 minute drive, he corrected me saying it was 45 minutes. Now, this pizza place was in the town where I grew up and I know the area very well, I have lived here all my life and my husband had only moved to the area because of me, so I knew for a fact that it was 30 minutes from our house. I put it in the GPS, and when it came up as 29 minutes my husband began to argue that the GPS was incorrect, it was a different route, etc. This bickering dragged on but never got too heated or loud, so imagine my surprise when he snaps at me, "I hate you! I've hated you for a while now, it's behind everything I say! I hate you."
No one has ever said that to me in my life. Not another ex, not a family member, not even an enemy. And it was like it killed that feeling of euphoria the Wellbutrin had just given me an hour before. He apologized, but obviously the day was ruined. I brought my slice of pizza home instead of eating it there, and when I got home I just put it in the trash and went straight to bed. The Wellbutrin didn't seem to have the same effect after that, and when I saw my doctor next I asked him to up the dose. He did, and it resulted in me having a seizure on my very first day of my new job, in the class in front of all my special needs kids and new coworkers. FIRST DAY. Still I was so desperate for this medication to work and "fix" me so my husband wouldn't hate me that I stayed on it anyway. I had a second seizure a month later (luckily this one was in my office, not my classroom, so only my boss saw it) and had to go off it.
The doctor then put me on Strattera. No effect. Then Vibryd. No effect. Then Vyvanse- made it a little easier to get out of bed first thing in the morning but that was it. I am actively communicating to my husband this whole time that I know Adderall is probably what I need but that I would probably never get it because my doctor was worried about stimulants making my OCD worse, he had even been hesitant about the Vyvanse. My husband wanted me to change doctors, but at this point I had been seeing this doctor for over a year and it had taken that long just for the doctor to admit I might have ADHD. I didn't want to start all over again with a new doctor, plus this doctor isn't bad, he's just thorough. But the entire time I'm trying all these meds and dosages, my husband is seeing no improvement at home. He's telling me that he doesn't understand how I could "be on medication and not be better already." He told me postpartum depression is only the first few weeks after having a baby so I never had PPD because it started later than that. And now I'm not only neglecting the floors and dishes, now the laundry is piling up and there's dust on surfaces and sex is even more unenjoyable, almost repulsive to me, so I lay there and go through the motions. He starts speaking to me with less and less patience, he starts to say meaner and meaner things. He told me I was a shitty mom, a shitty partner, and a lazy bitch. He told me I couldn't get any lower than being a terrible mother and that in fact, I wasn't even a mother, I was a "birthing person." We had always planned on having a second baby, but around this time (and for the first time ever in our relationship) he would refuse to come inside me during sex. It was hurtful because I was on birth control, I'd gotten right back on it after having my daughter, and we knew how effective it was because we'd never had a pregnancy scare but conceived our daughter immediately when I went off it. So it felt like he was extra paranoid about even the chance of getting his wife pregnant again. I talked to him about how it made me feel but he denied he was doing it because he didn't want to risk pregnancy, he kept saying he just felt like pulling out, but he knew I preferred it the other way because it feels better. So him refusing to do it made me feel like I was some girlfriend and not the wife/mother of his child. That might be stupid and I didn't push the issue with him after that one conversation, but it made me want to have sex even less. To be clear, though, we were still averaging 1-3 times a week. My parents had split when I was five and, although it was 100% my dad's fault, he always complained about how the lack of sex "drove him to it." This is a lie - my dad is a serial cheater - but when I was younger it stuck with me and so I was always careful to prioritize sex with my husband once a week as the bare minimum, even when things were bad. I figured if shit was bad, no sex would just make it worse. I'm only mentioning it because lots of people are quick to attribute a man's resentment toward his wife to his sexual frustration, but for the most part our sex life wasn't terrible, and his longest dry spell was the six weeks I spent recovering after giving birth.
Are you still reading? Shit hit the fan last summer. But that part of the story is fucking crazy and involves CPS and the police and Canada and a $1200 gold necklace and also a very nice, large, brown couch. I am tired of typing and I want to smoke some weed because thinking about my husband for this long is exhausting, so I'm going to do that and then this evening imma get on here and post the SECOND HALF of this tale, whether you guys give a shit or not. Because from writing this I feel like I'm getting it all out. Thanks for reading Part 1 if you did, and I would really really love to hear from any ADHD ladies who have had relationship struggles and/or mom struggles as a result of this disorder, it would really help me to know I'm not the only one going through it.

I'm switching from 80mg of Strattera that I've been on around a month and a half to Vyvanse because while the Strattera gave me increased energy throughout the day, it didn't seem to impact my ability to focus/concentrate or motivation to do things. So just started 10mg of vyvanse today. I was worried about withdrawing from Strattera because the two days I forgot to take it I felt terrible, massive headache, nausea, felt foggy. But my NP said not to worry about it because the vyvanse would make up for it. Well today I try the vyvanse without the straterra and I just feel off. No massive headache or nausea, but 100% the brain fog and just feeling "off". I sent her a message and asked whether I could increase the dose, especially because I've had none of the possible side effects mentioned, but she said to give it a few days before increasing it. I'm just curious if anyone else has done a switch from straterra to vyvanse and what was your experience? Did you have similar side effects, how long does it take to level out, did it take an increase in the dosage of the vyvanse, etc?

Alex Youtuber PrettyPastelPlease ~700k subscribers ~100M views. Thanks ALL POSTERS information merged together, derived mostly from Alex's own posts. Please excuse any mistakes due to timezone, Alex jumping around time with posts, trolling, happiest she has ever been and low point of life, also what Alex says is one side of story.
--History--
Sep13 1993 Alex born [currently 30]
2007 Alex Sam met
Time Teen Alex into goth, rock, emo, punk, birds, photography, modeling, makeup, singing, Japan
2010 Alex in beauty pageant
2011 Alex Sam became boyfriend and girlfriend
2012 Japan trip Alex and Sam meet Dan through common friend Tash
2013 Alex breaks up with Sam after dating, living with, and working with each other
Time Teen Alex rehomed Charlie the Galah Cockatoo for going 'absolutely psycho', but fine with new owner
Time sometime Fall or Winter 2013? Chose to end pregnancy (Alex and Dan around 20, before officially boyfriend girlfriend, 6 years before Aug2019 wedding, and child would have be 8 years old in Apr2023, Alex 10 page story said Dan chose to end pregnancy, Alex read out Sam's final text said Alex chose to end pregnancy and only told Dan for needed money)
Aug31 2014 Alex Dan became boyfriend and girlfriend
Jul11 2016 Alex wants engagement and Dan wants to wait 'I will always love you'
Mar 2017 Got 4 month old Archie Eclectus Parrot 'the bird stays'
2017 Alex brand posted and reposts User-Generated Content
Dec23 2017 PPP Oldest public video
May 2018 Japan videos filming in stores with no cameras signs [continues 2018, 2019, 2020]
May8 2018 Alex Dan become engaged in Japan
May19 2018 Pet Parrot Q&A includes comments don't pet Archie anywhere else but head or can stimulate and become aggressive
Aug1 2018 Alex says posted first haul video because saw LucyLivinVlogs post haul
Aug29 2018 Article The Outline 'Brands are paying influencers $75K+ to trash competitors'
Dec30 2018 Old photos of noticeable weight loss in short period early 2010s keto [stated lost 40kg/88lbs]
Jun24 2019 Article BBC News 'Jaclyn Hill promises lipstick refunds to fans after contamination'
Aug4 2019 Wish bikini visible abdomen scar [connected to noticeable weight loss in short period?]
Aug31 2019 Alex Dan became husband and wife [bridesmaids pastel JJ house dresses, men in Isle of Skye tartans and swords, Sam Mate of Honour, decor purple wisteria, photos with Archie]
Oct19 2019 GG Alex appears to have gotten lip filler, Alex confirms 4 years later, as well as forehead and lockjaw botox
Jan18 2020 Alex hosts Australian Bush Fire Emergency Fund Raiser and Gofundme combined $64k AUD
Jan28 2020 Alex in Japan bleaches and dyes hair pink
Feb7 2020 Alex nose job 1 [wouldn't confirm until Aug24]
Feb08 2020 people are so damn rotten and I'd like to know what they've done to help Australia [someone reported fundraiser money still in her bank account to Australian Taxation Office]
Mar10 2020 transferring money to charities [post Japan trip and Nose Job]
Mar 2020 Covid starts which negatively affected nose job followup and Alex mental health extremely
Mar26 2020 GO HOME YOU F*ING MORONS [people not social distancing covid]
Aug1 2020 Realestate House SYD bought $1.2M 5bdr 3bth house (~300sqm/3200sqft)
Oct6 2020 Alex nose job 2 for revision
Dec01 2020 Thriftmas thrifting, guest room decorating, and hyperfixations
Feb14 2021 Alex get 6 chickens
Sep15 2021 I really don’t think I’d be here today, if I didn’t have my pets to keep me going from CPTSD
Sep29 2021 Article Girlfriend Magazine 'Is Social Media Lying To Us About Nose Jobs? We Found Out'
Dec1 2021 Thriftmas depop, online thrifting, and drunk hair saga
Dec9 2021 Archie the parrot very agressive hormonal towards Alex [warned 3.5+ years about petting]
--2022--
Feb1 Alex boob job [wouldn't confirm until Dec15]
Feb23 worst my mental health has ever been in my life was in 2017
May13 [$20K+ USD Guess] designer clothes Alex wore AUS SYD Fashion Week (Fendi, Chanel, Prada, Versace, Zimmerman, etc)
Sep4 Alex opens up about mental health, in 2020 diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, CPTSD, Anxiety Disorder, psych thought may have bipolar
Sep04 What Vyvanse [rx] did to my mental health was so scary that I’m lucky I’m still here to write this caption ... developed Hyponatremia and Serotonin Syndrome - it almost killed me
Sep13 Alex 29th birthday gets first pigeon [of like 30 she collects in next 30 days spent in Sydney]
Sep13 Alex starts vlogging 100 packages in 100 days [did ~50]
Sep13-Oct19 changing/stopping doses of medication on own, drinking on medication, vitamins/supplements overload, protein cookies overload, lack of energy stuck in bed, personal hygiene issues, bird droppings everywhere, self diagnosing self/friends, discussing friends mental health, asexual, birds literally everywhere, birds having babies, shopping addiction, mini obsessions, over PPP personna, not working, not posting, bailing on sponsorships, not pursuing needed nose revision surgery 3, etc
Sep16-Sep23 Trip to TAZ with Dan, Lucy, and Max whose idea on record was to go to TAZ
Sep25 Alex's friends build a new backyard garden SYD, 6+ carts of plants
Sep30 Physically about once a year in hospital for a long time
Oct1 SQ Starts [Oct1], Alex names fans NPCs [Oct3], Alex later decides what NPCs stands for Nerdy Pigeon Coop [Oct13]
Oct10 Alex confirmed hiding new dog for future video talking with buttons [didn't]
Oct11 put fan art on Redbubble [did artist get cut?]
Oct12-13 6 Closet Clean Outs series with SYD friends actually filmed, paying for Lucy and editors work
Oct12 Sam build a new backyard 4mx4m aviary SYD
Oct14 Lucy mops up bird poop in Alex's office SYD
Oct16 I dont know what I would do without people around me
Oct18 I always dreamt of an enormous aviary full of birds and plants, happy tears SYD backyard
Oct19 [$6K+ USD Guess] Sony Alpha A7 iv, lens, and telephoto lens, just got iphone 13 pro max, while SYD kitchen is being remodeled
Oct20 Alex visits TAZ with Grace
Oct24 Alex fan meetup TAZ NPCs in person including polycule Zeke, Arden and Arden's fiance Claye, who did not know who Alex was
Oct27 Alex by herself alone decided to buy home in TAZ
Oct27 Alex eats raw oysters found on beach
Oct28 Gofundme for Pigeons rehabilitation property in Taz [no permit, training, etc]
Oct28-31 Caitlyn visits Taz
Oct29 Everything that I want in my life to be happy is the dead opposite of whats available in Sydney, but jobs are in Sydney
Oct31 Driving speeding Caitlyn to airport
Nov1 Alex stops replying to discord admins
Nov3 Alex returns to SYD for only a few days
Nov4 Driving in SYD with new bird free in car again, with Claye
Nov4 Claye in SYD for weekend to meets Dan, Sam, Michelle and transport stuff to TAZ [Alex knew Claye ~11 days]
Nov6-8 Dan and Alex go to Taz, Alex stays in Taz
Nov11 THE PHONECALL™ Recordings 56min AND 80min, Alex only showns as screenshot no audio [Alex claims Dan complete mental break, yelled for first time, and scared Alex]
Nov11 Dan flew back to Taz to apologize for THE PHONECALL™
Nov12 Dan and Alex make an offer on an house in Taz, Dan throws SYD work shirt in a bin for Taz life in 6 months when hits 10 year service leave
Nov12+ a few days house offer declined and Dan decides wants to stay in SYD and not move to TAZ
Nov14 Alex buys Dan a new WRX car in Taz $57K+
Nov10-20 Alex house shops Egg $1M
Nov15-22 Alex house shops Barn $1.25M
Nov mid Tiasha visits Alex driving new WRX in same airbnb where Alex stolen someone's chicken to cuddle in airbnb bed
Nov mid Basically just I'm bringing all of my friends down here until they all decide that this [TAZ] is superior to Sydney
Nov16 pre Article 6 month lease most expensive rental in Hobart $1400/week 4bdr 4bth
Nov16 Alex new 8 person NPC staff [now gone, did what?]
Nov16 Gofundme bio changed to support costs for Alex to rehabilitate and rehome her birds
Nov mid Alex in hospital based on comment, hat and sweater in photo posted May03
Nov27 gaming alter ego RavensPaw
Dec1 Starts thiftmas donating revenue for friends top surgery, then posts only 4 videos, and then deletes them
Dec1 sexy Saturday and hoe era
Dec5 Happiest she's been in over 10 years
Dec5 Alex asks viewers to send in art for her to turn into manic merch
Dec5 SYD mental health medication issues wishing I was dead, because being dead would be better than living such a miserable life
Dec7 the day that changed my life forever [filmed Oct27]
Dec8 Pretty Pastel Please would go three months without showering or brushing her teeth, would starve herself to stay thin to try on clothing for hundreds of thousands of people to see (and inevitably comment on her body)
Dec8 I can pinpoint the last time I genuinely felt happy in my own skin and it was back in 2011
Dec8 No, I'm not experiencing some sort of mania or manic episode and NO, I'm not making fun of people with bipolar disorder. If you really think my sarcastic use of the word manic was intended to hurt those that actually suffer from manic episodes, please hear me when I say that I was lashing out at those that throw the word around so lightly
Dec8 I discussed the idea of selling our house and moving to Hobart with my husband, and while he agrees it's a great idea, he isn't ready for it to happen yet
Dec8 Coming to Tasmania ... I love myself wholeheartedly, and I have such a strong desire to live again
Dec9 Asking an AI to write [erotic] fanfic about my ex boyfriend [Sam] and my husband [Dan] [deleted]
Dec10 SQ Alex flies to SYD with Claye and immediately leaves with BRZ and 25 birds
Dec10 Alex and Dan agree to separate and take time apart
Dec11 Getting 25 Pigeons on 11 hr Ferry to TAZ driving 900 km with bird free in car, again
Dec12 Offical Separation Date [australia can file divorce one year after separation]
Dec12 Sam and Michelle are no longer following Alex's IG
Dec12 Caitlyn no longer talks to Alex
Dec12 Lucy politely resigns and no longer talks to Alex
Dec13 Dan called and said he was divorcing Alex, Alex low point ideation with BRZ and guy friend comes to get her [Claye?]
Dec13 song numb little bug do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Dec15 Alex Gets a Boob Job Part 1 [filmed Dec20 2021] includes When are you planning on having kids? Oh I feel like we might have a good 5 years maybe in us before we want to do that
Dec16 Missed Dan's birthday
Dec16 lingerie with Claye's jacket is it self confidence, or a mental breakdown?
Dec16 story of Nicole Kidman Divorce Pictures Celebration [Alex wouldn't confirm Dan separation until Apr8]
Dec17 Alex evicted from most expensive rental for breaking lease by letting birds fly free
Dec17 Alex says Dan wants Alex to take half of 3 houses worth of stuff, but she doesnt want to get stuff because she would have to go to Sydney and she fn hates Sydney
Dec31 Another house rental with large deck birds stay under as coop
--2023--
Jan6 Meeting a stranger in a Bunnings carpark and buying something white [filmed ~Nov4]
Jan7 Buying a house in Tasmania The Cottage in the Mountains and The Converted Barn House [filmed ~Nov6-22] [Includes Dan at beginning of video with text over Dan agreed Tasmania was perfect for us and we would move here, posted after Dan asked for separation]
Jan12 First sighting of day collar
Jan14 People in Sydney are more familiar with living a miserable life than a happy one [conditioned]
Jan17 I mean yeah, I did just make this so I could give my friend $500 worth of clothing lol, Alex comment on now deleted disrepectful Yesstyle video
Jan18 without wedding ring
Jan mid Alex hospital based on hair and necklace in photo posted May03
Jan21 Dan at Grace's birthday without wedding ring
Jan24 I am currently selling my home in Sydney and moving to Tasmania city to be closer to my in-laws. [City is near Claye's parents, Dan's parents live near Sydney]
Jan25 Tash, childhood friend from SYD, currently from Melbourne, visits Alex in TAZ
Jan25 Tash instagram 50+ birds total with Alex
Feb1 Love is not a game of chess. The queen doesn't sacrifice herself for the king
Feb2 Hospital baited, but was just visiting someone
Feb10 Archie parrot imported and more pigeons
Feb10 Archie moves in with Nellie in TAZ with wildlife permit to own parrot [Alex never gets easy permit]
Feb12 lingerie with lock and dirty hair
Feb14 Claye and Zeke Valentine relationship breakdown instagram
Feb14 Alex said she was in hospital for surgery when Zeke was posting breakup and quit speaking to Alex
Feb15 Claye instagram sad breakup posting and unfollowing Alex and including she/her pronouns none of the polycule uses, No, you didn’t love her and She doesn't need you anymore
Feb15 Alex kissing cheek of TAZ friend who looks similar to Dan
Feb15 When you have to unfollow all your friends and they have to make their profiles private cause the internet is fucking crazy
Feb15 Wedding band not fitting
Feb15 Pinning old photos of Dan
Feb15 Another house rental with multiple small coops
Feb15 Silly birds get abused daily by me, but they just keep coming back [sarcasm]
Feb16 Alex posts man and woman holding hands frolicking in meadow This life>> It's happening
Feb16 Any weird rumours you read online about my friends, family and I are blatantly false
Feb20 I defintelty added fuel to the fire by posting some troll stories to confuse the conspiracy theorists but I promise everything is wonderful
Feb20 slightly doxxed herself by saying SYD house was up for auction, so easily found real estate listings, looking for forever home in Taz
Feb25 Please leave me and my DDLG BDSM polyamorous sex cult alone to be friendless in peace. [sarcasm]
Feb 25 Yes you fucking pile of rotten pumpkin three days after halloween I'm checking because you guys doxxed me and put my address online and now my husband is paranoid some ass clown is going to steal our god damn strawberries [gossip forums]
Feb26 Yes, my views are low and my channel is tanking. No, I don't care. No, you aren't smart for saying if you REALLY didn't care, you wouldn't be saying you don't care Please enjoy the video, or unsubscribe and go touch some grass
Feb27 Another house rental with red brick with pet carriers coop
Feb27 commented Wow you’re in for a surprise when you find out at the end of the series that I don’t keep anything at all and I move to Tasmania and only buy thrifted clothing lol
Mar4 Alex posts wearing Claye's shirt
Mar4 Realestate House in SYD sold $1.7M professionally staged, almost empty, aviary removed, redone backyard
Mar4 you're used to seeing me depressed, so my happiness is interpreted as mania
Mar4 very much looking forward to living a normal life in a beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful animals
Mar4 Every single person received a refund, and it you didn't, please contact Go Fund Me, because l most certainly didn't withdraw a single cent from the funds raised (and fuck you for saying I used the money for personal expenses. I try to use my platform and following te do something good, and every time i do, asshats like you make up false claims about me committing LITERAL FRAUD)
Mar4 Made this account private so the morons on the forums will leave me the fuck alone (not like they ever will because they seem to be obsessed with hating me for living my life)
*Mar early Alex buys new Taz house 300K *
Mar24 Alex in bed with dark curly hair person [not dog]
Mar30 Financial abuse post
Mar30 You ever come THIS close to exposing all the bullshit someone is putting you through, but then stop because you want to be the bigger person
Apr1-8 Empty house in SYD, moving with just one suitcase and two dogs, had not been back to SYD in 6 months prior to help with packing, staging, or house sale
Apr8 Announces seperation with Dan
Apr8 Sign asset division property settlement
Apr8 there are people in this world that will tell you what they know you want to hear, and will make promises they don’t actually have any intention of keeping
Apr8 I'm really thankful I am still here too. I wouldn't be, if it weren't for the people in Tasmania that helped me through the darkest time of my life
Apr8 Dan stops all contact
Apr~ tries and fails to sell WRX on Facebook marketplace Vehicle is only being sold as it is now excess to business needs
Apr16 In TAZ cottage
Apr21 3 dogs total - Lachie, Skye, Merlin [from 2 year waitlist breeder]
Apr21 worst my mental health has ever been in my life was in 2022
Apr21 story claims Baby Timing Man Youth [while being 20/21, before they were boyfriend girlfriend, in Uni, Alex claims Dan chose to end pregnancy, Sam saying Alex chose to end pregnancy and only told Dan for needed money]
Apr21 story claims Baby Timing Man Recently [Alex boob video Alex says didnt want kids for at least 5 years at end of 2021, in 2022 with Alex says Alex was mental health spiraling and couldn't take care of herself]
Apr21 story claims Mortgage Free Priority [in 5bdr 3bth house bought for $1.2M renovated and sold for $1.7M, friends homes shown in videos being drastically smaller, renting Hobarts most expensive rental $1400/week 4bdr 4bth, hiring 8 people, house hunting in TAZ a $1M and $1.25M house, just bought Dan new WRX, while Alex decreased posting, skipped sponsorships, got Nose Job, got Boob Job, bought a lot of designer clothes]
Apr21 story claims Animal Abuse Man [when Alex left her animals for 2 months to go to TAZ herself, where Dan works full time long hours and now has to care for the 2 Dogs, Parrot Archie, Chicken coop and 30+ bird Aviary]
Apr21 story claims Friends Abandoned [while Alex accused Caitlyn on sleeping with Dan, asked Lucy not to talk to Dan since Dan had a crush on Lucy, and Alex called Sam a shitty friend for not coming to TAZ to support her, and showing communication with friends to 129K people]
Apr21 story claims Financial Abuse of Stuff [Alex had not returned to SYD to get stuff or help sell house, while SYD house was professionally staged all personal belongings were removed and put in storage which when Alex was in SYD could then have ownership and monthly rental signed off to her, which over a year after leaving SYD still has not collected]
Apr21 story claims Financial Abuse of Money [while Sam acted a mediator on asset division Alex signed, and Alex was already living in mortgage free TAZ home by this post]
Apr22 Doxxing Dan about not proposing by Jul11 2016 Dan I will always love you, less than 2 years into relationship, when they were 22, proposal ended up being Apr2018
Apr22 Doxxing Caitlyn stopped replying after Dec12
Apr22 Doxxing Lucy some PPP payments including haul costs, supposedly keeping SD cards, politely resigns, stopped replying after Dec12, Alex accuses Lucy of pretending to be Alex's friend to get paid and Alex's help start Lucy's career
Apr22 Please, cancel me so I can get on with my life
Apr24 18 chickens and needing more
Apr24 Lack of construction safety PPE
Apr24 Bails on a HelloFresh sponsorship again
Apr24 I provide a safe and loving home for unwanted/rescued pigeons & doves. If you have any birds in need of relocating, please let me know!
Apr25 What a difference 5 months makes, when you remove yourself from a situation that was slowly killing you
May~ Sam sends final text to Alex including The last straw for me was the 10 part series you put up on Instagram
May3 that hospital photo was taken a few months ago after a medical incident during my first few weeks in Tasmania. Not a great time for me back then, but I'm in a much better place now
May4 guard dog instead of police from people coming to house
May4 airbnbs broken into multiple times
May7 If you're the sort of person that posts about Are You Ok Day and ignores phone calls from a friend that is having a genuine crisis and is in desperate need of help, you're a liar with no true regard for human life
May9 Use code gurugossip for 10% off prettypastelparent to prettypastelpersonal to .... to cabinpressure13 Alex new IG
May12 Alex thrift with Claye in mirror
May15 Reddit prettypastelproof ComfortableAthlete53 troll banned
May20 pre 1 kitten ragdoll
May26 bird in construction zone
Jun2 Ok everyone, as a community, let's all go bully a yough autistic adult that like sanrio and kawaii fashion. We can do this, i believe in us with GG screenshot
Jun3 Reddit prettypastelproof DMCA takedown
Jun3 Please continue to write fanfic about me [Alex] on a public forum and then getting upset when I [Alex] come along and read it
Jun3 I [Alex] literally don't film people without asking, I [Alex] don't
Jun3 reply to haters that not alone has uncountable amount of pigeons
Jun8 THE PHONECALL™ Recordings 56min and 80min, only shown as screenshot no audio, possibly without consent [recorded Nov11]
Jun14 Claye instagram Alex glasses and leg on Claye
Jun16 Tasmanic, Tasmania manic bad pun
Jun27 please stop mistaking my happiness for mania
Jun27 Alex confirmed although stopped Fluvaxamine, trailed with Prozac, then with Zoloft, however confirmed stopped taking Strattera for ADHD
Jun27 Alex said My husband and I decided to move to Tasmania together, and once I moved here to start house hunting, he decided he didn't want to move any more. I would have stayed in Sydney to keep the marriage together, but he made the final call
Jul1 Alex starts Twitch streaming as prettypastelplease, with Twitch vods subscriber only and then deleted, using Claye's setup
Jul1 said renovations waiting for council approvals
Jul1 Alex said previously bought tiny house due to renovations
Jul3 GG 69beastar69 Melbourne troll banned
Jul3 Claims Alex unfollowed Caitlyn, Sam, Michelle, etc because Alex was upset [Dec12]
Jul3 Claims Dan put Alex's belonging in storage unit not giving Alex access for 5 months until she signed separation asset agreement, which included agreement of selling high value items to be sold and money split between her and Dan
Jul3 Claims Dan would kill it if she got a cat in SYD [horrible accusation]
Jul3 Claims Nov11 THE PHONECALL™ Dan had complete mental break, breaking things, threatening, scream at Alex first time ever, due to stress of move, difficulty to find job in Taz, and death in family
Jul3 Claims Dan said he had a crush on Lucy and alluded to sleeping with Caitlyn
Jul3 Claims heavily alluded threatened lowest point if Sam/SYD folks didn't drop everything and come support her in TAZ, ended up in hospital with medicine issue
Jul3 Claims Alex asked Caitlyn if Caitlyn had slept with Dan [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Caitlyn was trying to turn Sam and Michelle against Alex
Jul3 Claims Alex asked Lucy not to talk to Dan, as Dan had a crush on Lucy [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Lucy still had PPP USB Closet Clean Out to be edited, quit before being replaced by Hobart crew, and told Dan Alex's earnings [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Alex called Sam a bad friend for not coming to Taz to support her [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Sam did act as mediator over finances with Dan in SYD [~Apr]
Jul3 Claims had bought a car WRX for Dan in Taz that she still has and makes payments on [~Nov]
Jul3 Claims is going to a content exchange gifted nose job revision in Korea soon [didn't]
Jul3 Claims still doesn't have easy to get permit to own Archie, staying with Nellie, but aggression was not hormonal, but stress from SYD
Jul3 Claims cannot import Holly ringtailed dove to TAZ [true]
Jul3 Claims tried, but failed, to track down Lola the Rooster in SYD to bring to TAZ
Jul3 Claims she understands birds, so can let them free in car and house
Jul3 Claims Dumpling has gone missing potentially stolen Errol passed away assumption was of heart break
Jul3 Claims she has contacted Police over doxxing of Alex cottage address online
Jul3 Claims abandoned discord out of fear of what people were saying
Jul3 Alex when Claye was on screen pushes him away, There's no one here. I'm alone
Jul3 Claims she was seen in Claye's clothes because no access to her belongings and needed to borrow clothes [Alex posted many outfits in TAZ lingerie, dresses, wigs]
Jul3 Alex openly drinks wine while listing medications on that shouldn't drink with
Jul3 Caityln instagram those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones & even a worm will turn are such good phrases, huh
Jul3 Caitlyn instagram yes, I'm vague posting no, l'm not happy about it I'm trying to be mature and careful and I don't want to air out dirty laundry over the whole internet. Where it will live forever. It's tacky and petty and harmful feel free to talk about your woes offline all you like. You gotta talk through it to get through it but for the love of all that is good could you stop thinking the absolute worst of everyone else and take some accountability for you're own life and your own choices you're doomed to have history repeat if you don't and even don't want that for you. shows' over kids sorry for being such a downer
Jul5 not going to bother correcting lies I read about myself anymore
Jul5 Here I was thinking people were genuinely misunderstanding things l've said before because they didn't listen to the whole thing, but this morning I've woken up and finally realised that they aren't misunderstanding they're just fucking idiots and don't have two brain cells to rub together, so they purposefully over exaggerate, lie and warp things I've said to paint me as a terrible person, because they KNOW it'll push my buttons. They're literally doing it to rile me up and I'm so glad I've finally come to realise that they aren't 'concerned fans' but just bored, sad, lonely people who get a kick out of trying to hurt someone they know has been struggling mentally for a long time
Jul5 go follow this handsome man [Claye] on twitch
Jul6 If people legitimately thought that I meant to go bully an autistic person, I'm really sorry. If people legitimately went to bully that person, I'm very sorry ...we don't have bullies in my community ... if you were actually genuinely offended by me making that post I'm really sorry .... I like to think that people know me well enough to understand when I'm being sarcastic
Jul8 Alex made Twitch Affiliate
Jul10 If I could snap my fingers and change one thing, I'd be talking to Sam and I'd be talking to Dan. And I might get some more chickens
Jul14 Alex applies Twitch Partner [didn't get]
Jul18 Divorce Q&A Twitch and Youtube
Jul18 in SYD was not living just existing, wanted dopamine from hair dye, shopping, drinking
Jul18 Covid really affected her mental health, left house for medical appointments only 6 times in 2 years and a couple others [Nope thriftmas 2020 and 2021]
Jul18 on mental health medication from psychiatrist in New South Wales skype consultations, but I'm not having like therapy as far as like a psychologist
Jul18 parts of time Alex can't remember due to medications
Jul18 Alex is Straight, Ace, has never been and will never be polyamorous, and not interested in relationship while legally married, last thing on her mind
Jul18 got botox in forehead and lip filler right after wedding, didn't repeat, just overlines lips now and has better skin care
Jul18 does not regret boob job, but regrets nose job, can't breath for last 3 years
Jul18 Alex wants Bonorong wildlife rescue training when Alex has time [6 hrs free]
Jul18 Alex had a team of 8 in Hobart working for her [~Dec]
Jul18 wishes PPP more diverse and not just hauls
Jul18 has like 35 videos of content filmed on hard drive, but hates editing
Jul18 can see herself doing Twitch long term [abandoned by Aug21]
Jul18 wanted to be mortgage free, Dan didn't want to live in granny flat, Dan wanted to live near work, Alex wanted large land, photo studio to knock down walls, and office for work
Jul18 would still like to have kids, but in a loving relationship
Jul18 claims during separation pretended everything was ok online, Alex didn't want to talk about it at all, but rumors started online [from Alex's posts including Nicole Kidman divorce photos Dec16]
Jul18 Alex agreed to sell Louis Vuitton collection and split money as part of divorce settlement
Jul18 does see some SYD stuff on sale at Salvos online
Jul18 Dan stopped all contact after house sale [assuming early Apr]
Jul18 Alex sent Dan 10 page story before she posted, but Dan never replied [as Dan stopped all contact]
Jul18 Unfortunate what happened to a few birds in SYD, as it was Alex's responsibility, later in stream blaims Dan
Jul18 Alex said not in relationship with Claye, but do spend a lot of time together
Jul18 Claye did not know who Alex was before NPC meetup, Claye just came with partners Arden and Zeke [Oct24]
Jul18 does not regret sharing friends conversations
Jul18 wishes responses from old friends and for them to defend her
Jul18 now at peace with situation and does not want to bring it up again
Jul18 Question 'Do you feel guilty about anything you said to your friends and Dan' Alex 'No, I don't think I did anything wrong [....] I stand by anything I've done'
Jul18 Alex reads Sam's final text to Alex [~May] includes with Sam saying Alex's Apil 10 page story was last straw, that Alex was not even going to tell Dan about pregnancy
Jul18 Alex reads Sam's final text to Alex [~May] ends with 'Really, I think the reason everyone here is ignoring you might be due to the fact that we've seen how much of an manipulative liar you are and likely have always been.' ... 'Either you truly believe everything you say and you're ignorant beyond salvation, or you're fully aware of your lies and you just don't care. Either way, it's not worth my time
Jul19 Sam instagram comment reply ends with 'my opinion that I [Sam] and many others have been gaslit by Alex for years. My [Sam] regret is not realizing it earlier'
Jul19 Alex comment 'respectively, I dispute your accusations that i've gaslit anyone'
Jul19 Article in Shahab 'Pretty Pastel Please Divorce Dating, Relationship, Husband And More Information!'
Jul20 Twitch New discord
Jul24 SQ discord admins announce end due to new discord, Alex abandon in Nov1, and Alex being an example of unhealthy mentality
Jul25 I've been hospitalised multiple times, abandoned by almost my entire friend group in Sydney, lost my husband and the future I panned for in the blink of an eye and my closest friend in the world has stopped talking to me. I'm very VERY sorry I stopped using the old discord server, and I hope you understand that went through a period of immense grief and haven't had it within myself to go back to discord in many months.
Jul25 Alex said she didnt make new Discord, a fan did [actually Claye]
Jul26 discord mod team we've discovered that members of the hate forum were active users of the old Discord server
Jul26 Authentic friends tell the truth
Jul26 gets in trouble for making 'Manic' jokes as insensitive, but where is the outrage about Manic Panic hair dye name?
Jul31 Alex comment on Divorce Q&A 'A summary is my husband abandoned me in the middle of an interstate move lol'
Aug21 last stream [kept saying she would come back next week, but didn't, where people had paid monthly subscriptions]
Aug23 The guy from the RSPCA today searching for animal abuse and being very confused lol. Thanks for sending him out though, we had a nice chat and he learned a lot about pigeons
Aug23 Claye twitch got ducks, keeping at Alex's house with guinea hens
Aug25 what you can't get over ... your friends turning against you
Aug26 Alex said editing boob job video [didn't post]
Aug27 Who needs therapy when you have tiktok filters to help work through your emotions
Aug27 why you can't move on, because they made you feel something real and then they left
Aug27 welcome to divorcetok, me+d=red flag
Aug28 renovations restarted as builder finally returned
Aug31 Alex struggled on wedding anniversary
Sep9 Alex visits Tash in Melbourne with face mask 'molested this street pigeon'
Sep15 baby bird image, my toxic trait is accumulating thing that need my attention to survive
Oct3 Gothic Gamer Girl tiktok (probably Alex) defends Alex
Oct3 Alex posted part of dating profile Pro I come with two Subarus my 2018 BRZ & my 2022 WRX. Con I also come with 50+ pet pigeons that are guaranteed to poop on you
Oct6 The only date I feel comfortable with and I think I'm going to lock in is with a girl that wants to take me to Korean BBQ. Fast lane to my heart lmao
Oct7 cottage renovations done, My whole computer setup has been boxed up for the move so all content is on hold right now [didn't move]
Oct9 Michelle tiktok liked comments about not trusting Alex in maiapapaiyaa tiktok
Oct9 prettypastelprojects of NOT her renovated kitchen, NOT her photo, NOT her inspo [should credit actual photographer and workers]
Oct13 Claye i have a housemate who is very concerned about being identified on stream or being doxxed
Oct18 Alex shows dating app message My partner is a big fan of your YouTube channel saying deletes app [Alex met Claye through his partner who was a fan]
Oct25 pigeon then a hawk [predator could have stolen Dumpling instead of human]
Nov1 Alex started 61 days of vlogging [did 12]
Nov1 Says Bringing Archie Home, Going Back On Twitch, Working on Boob Job 2 Video, wants recipes to bake, Depop [didn't]
Nov18 last vlog of 61 days made it to 12 videos total, which showed cottage living room wall opposite fireplace painted blue, entry hallway wall wood slats, sheds containing birds [didn't move]
Nov20 BUYEE $1818 AUD cost, says not sponsorsed, 7 days after Lucy posted Buyee video, showed half of designer items bought early Apr2022, [not include storage, shipping, customs, taxes, fees nor did promised followup videos]
Nov25 Excuses why he can't post you, I know my friends will get jealous of our relationship so I want to keep it private
Nov25 Claye twitch chat dare Alex to shave Claye's beard, Alex typed I dont think his girlfriend would ever forgive me, Claye says hey Alex I normally do not talk about personal stuff on stream
Nov29 Claye twitch Alex intro it is I Alex, no ones favorite person, Claye That's not true at all, Alex Yeah
Dec4 Between personal stuff, work, and working on main channel content too busy to post content or stream ... since I moved [didn't]
Dec6 Claye twitch Alex intro No one of particular importance, just Pretty Pastel Please
Dec9 Tash Instagram Alex in Melbourne
Dec12 I'm a Virgo and that's why I don't want to have to be a single person
Dec13 First possible divorce start filing date [12 months post seperation]
Dec14 Alex in SYD at Parent's with multiple items from Alex's SYD life like chair, vase, clothes
Dec17 It should be impossible to remember moments that never happened and yet I hold memories of everything we did not get to do
Dec20 Claye twitch internet issue player says you guys were a void for a while, Alex I am always a void
Dec23 story about low point ideation year ago after Dan called said divorcing [~Dec13 2022]
--2024--
Jan1 Alex stream says didn't realize disappeared for 4 months from Twitch [Aug21]
Jan1 save for #spons Braun Korea nose surgery revision, wants teeth veneers but dentist recommended 50 things so didn't go back, and self diagnosing from tiktok POTS and EDS
Jan1 Jan plan #spons Princess Polly, #spons Halara, #spons WhiteFox, Temu cursed items bought Jul12 stream [didn't]
Jan3 Lucy Youtube address personal and professional life blasted and lied about and her boyfriend Max on the record was his idea to go to TAZ Sep2022
Jan3 Lucy Youtube getting jump scared about your own personal information being shared in quite a vindictive fashion it was kind of like oh is that what the truth is how interesting I don't remember it being that way, but sure it's giving lies ... the latest drop that implies some very interesting things about your character and your relationships or ... a new personal information drop that implies things about your professional character with messages that are creatively cropped and lacking context ... that treatment is not okay was not okay I felt that it wasn't right for me to be treated that way it felt really unempathetic it was really hurtful and it was quite awful and bad
Jan5 when someone tries to start drama with me but I’m in my healing girl era
Jan12 My entire friendship group abandoned me because my ex husband fed them lies and they cut me off without even trying to ask me my version of events
Jan17 archived all photos of Dan but one
Jan20 why is it when you leave a trio the other two who talk shit about each other become inseparable, bound by god soulmates
Jan21 when you find out the girl he told you not to worry about is in fact now his new girlfriend
Jan21 I have no friends
Feb3 Claye Twitch Alex summoned fan reward cost $40, takes 40 minutes, Alex's same dining chair
Feb3 Alex says Claye should incentivize his Twitch to raise $2000 for Claye new setup, then Alex could take his old setup and stream more
Feb3 Alex if only i had a valentine looks at Claye
Feb5 Claye Twitch Alex drastically scares Claye
Feb12 two people who were in love but stopped because one of them couldn't get their priorities straight which forced the other one to choose themself even though they didn't want to leave
Feb21 Claye Twitch Alex extremely drunk
Mar18 Claye filmed and edited vlog for his channel, but Alex asked to post on her sidequest channel
Mar19 She's in bed with a man that's not her husband, this is my dog [re Mar24 2023 photo, yet dog didn't live in TAZ then and not curly hair]
Mar25 Dan liked comment about Alex in bed with Claye
Apr1 Some people can cut off their friends in the blink of an eye at the first mess up but forgive the disrespect of their romantic partners/exes time and again
Apr1 You ask your man-child husband to help with the household chores [folds laundry terribly] [Alex never did laundry]
Apr9 Millennials, Gen Z will like, I'm ready. Take me now. Complete. I don't even need a reason. You want me to unalive myself, uh, to save humanity? Uh, I don't actually need a reason. Just take me now.
Apr13 PPP fans know Alex has a history with the drink
Apr13 Brings up infamous blue bomber jacket that was Alex's and then Claye's [Jacket in Alex lingerie photo Dec15 2022 and on Claye filmed Dec17 2022]
Apr13 Previously had Kidney failure and nearly died
Apr13 Was in artificially up mood with new place, new house, new friends, renovating, etc ... as settled in new life, depression hit really hard
Apr13 Divorce fd her up for like a year [mentally]
Apr13 Start streaming soon with 24hr subathon
Apr15 Alex says people think she is a liar, but she is an open book
Apr15 Not settled in new TAZ house yet at all, but not planning on staying in current house [didn't move]
Apr15 When Dan was on board to move to TAZ put offer on Bridgewater house, then offer was declined [~Nov12 2022]
Apr15 Old discord server was a really great place for mental health talk, but we don't have that at the moment, as hard to moderate and keep up with that type of community [Alex abandoned]
Apr15 Very proud of herself to still be here, only here because she has the best parents
Apr15 Pets 50+ chickens, 50+ pigeons, 23+ ducks, 3 guinea fowl, 3 dogs [Cat Ted and Parrot Archie living elsewhere]
Apr15 Does not have a psych now, does not have an active script 10mg Ritalin ADHD, on 20mg Prozac OCD [never therapy]
Apr19 Alcohol quietens my brain more than ADHD meds ever will okay
Apr24 'ah and here is why you shouldn't get married, there is an assumption they are not going to be a dick, and then they are'
Apr30 Doctor said no caffeine and no alchohol, does anyway
May 3 Alex Dan divorce should already be final

I can’t trust my own judgement with these meds so I need some input & tips from the community, please. I tried stimulants with Adderall XR since September. - From 5mg to 15mg in 3 weeks. - At 15mg changed from Sandoz to Lenett. The whole euphoria and calmness phase went away! Back on Sandoz. Nothing but heighten anxiety! - Increased the dose over weeks to 30mg. Went crazy & lost I was!!! - Switched to Vyvanse 10mg then 20mg. Costed me a write up at work because of anger outburst (I was shocked too) - Immediately switched to Concerta. Anxiety over the roof! ADHD at its worst. - Switched back to Adderall xr 10mg. Mentally destroyed and high anxiety. Lower to 5mg not much of difference. - 5 days no medication. Clumsiness, nervousness, forgetfulness and ADHD at it pick! Saliva tastes like metal! (Withdrawal?) - Starting today in Strattera. 40mg
How should I feel? Can I feel anything from first week? I literally unable to trust my mind, words and actions! I don’t even know if I’m misleading my Dr with medication effectiveness.

I took 90mg for about 9 months and have been taking 140mg for the last month due to having a crash with 90mg every day at three. Vyvanse is really the only thing that keeps me going. I'm out of the door in an hour and I can do all kinds of difficult shit and I can focus on something for hours on end. It makes me more socially competent and I like my personality on it. I devote a lot of time to the things I love, mainly music and I'm seeing so much more results.
That's for the positives. I actually really struggle with these meds. It makes me unable to enjoy small stuff like watching movies or playing games. Food is just gasoline that I need to force into my system. I feel like I'm dead inside when it comes to just living. Even though I get so much shit done and see a lot of people, everything is kinda dark and hollow. I have a hard time feeling anything. No chance of crying. I still get the crashes. They often take about 3hrs from my day. I can do stuff if I have to but I feel like shit and have no ability to focus. To feel energized and on top of my game, I need to be in hell for the rest of the evening.
I took a five day break after 2 months of daily use and yeah of course felt tired as shit, but also kinda euphoric the first two days since I could just enjoy the sunlight and feel my emotions.
It sounds pretty obvious that I should get of the meds, but I know that will only result in not getting anything done and probably flushing my education down the toilet. It's like I gotta feel like shit to be worth anything in this society and actually be proud of myself. That's the price.
I wanna quit for a while but I know the withdrawals will last at least a couple of weeks and I don't have that kind of time to feel like not doing anything. I was thinking of combining with Wellbutrin, hoping that it would somehow correct how I feel a little. But I don't know if my doctor thinks it's a good idea with my ridiculously large dose.
I'm desperate for advice!
​
Edit: Yeah 140mg sounds deadly but it's actually common in some countries/areas. I started with 50mg and couldn't feel much anything. Before Vyvanse I got up to 54mg Concerta which was also ineffective. Methylphenidate has no effect, Strattera made my heart beat like crazy and I can't get Adderall where I'm from.

Hello friends,
I want to start this off with a disclaimer that there are different types of medication for a reason - not every substance works for every person. Please don’t let this post scare you out of trying Strattera/atomoxetine if your psych thinks it’s a good fit for you. :)
Also, a trigger warning for talk about suicidal ideation.
I’ll just refer to atomoxetine as A now.
Long story short: I’m on about my sixth week of A, started with 25mg, then built it up to 40mg, now I’m on 60mg. I realize it takes about a month to 8 weeks to reach full effect. In the meantime I still use stimulants until it works.
… If it ever does. I still feel the same without stimulants, or at least a noticeable decrease in mood with the same irritability and ‘empty’ feeling as I have without them. And no, I’m not an addict in withdrawal lol, it’s the same feeling I had before I had medication. It’s the unmedicated ‘feeling’.
I’m no stranger to depression, but I’m currently having a big fat episode with big fat suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t ring instant alarmbells because I’ve had episodes before for different reasons.
But it’s a little suspicious to me that it comes crashing over me at the same time I’m starting A. I first thought it was winter depression, which I notice every year but definitely doesn’t necessarily make me full on suicidal. I bought a light therapy lamp by my psychologists advice, and I notice it feels good for my body. I’ve been using it for a few weeks now and it should’ve brought improvement if it was ‘just’ SAD. Like I said, it feels good on my body, I feel a ‘lift’, but there is something else going on inside of me that prevents me from shaking off this depression.
I thought it was burnout. I thought it was autistic burnout. I now seriously suspect A to be the cause.
My psychiatrist (of course) is on vacation currently, but I’m going to call my psychologist tomorrow and ask for an appointment with him and maybe a different psychiatrist asap because I want to dose down and stop to see if it really is A. Because I’m going down an undesirable path here, lol. I’m chainsmoking to not do more harmful things and I’ll hold out, so please don’t worry too much, but it’s not going well.
My question would be: has anyone gone through the same?
I am NOT asking for advice on how to quit or whatever, I’m asking my psychs for that, I’d just like to hear other people’s experiences because I don’t know anyone else on A.

Hello friends,
I want to start this off with a disclaimer that there are different types of medication for a reason - not every substance works for every person. Please don’t let this post scare you out of trying Strattera/atomoxetine if your psych thinks it’s a good fit for you. :)
Also, a trigger warning for talk about suicidal ideation.
I’ll just refer to atomoxetine as A now.
Long story short: I’m on about my sixth week of A, started with 25mg, then built it up to 40mg, now I’m on 60mg. I realize it takes about a month to 8 weeks to reach full effect. In the meantime I still use stimulants until it works.
… If it ever does. I still feel the same without stimulants, or at least a noticeable decrease in mood with the same irritability and ‘empty’ feeling as I have without them. And no, I’m not an addict in withdrawal lol, it’s the same feeling I had before I had medication. It’s the unmedicated ‘feeling’.
I’m no stranger to depression, but I’m currently having a big fat episode with big fat suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t ring instant alarmbells because I’ve had episodes before for different reasons.
But it’s a little suspicious to me that it comes crashing over me at the same time I’m starting A. I first thought it was winter depression, which I notice every year but definitely doesn’t necessarily make me full on suicidal. I bought a light therapy lamp by my psychologists advice, and I notice it feels good for my body. I’ve been using it for a few weeks now and it should’ve brought improvement if it was ‘just’ SAD. Like I said, it feels good on my body, I feel a ‘lift’, but there is something else going on inside of me that prevents me from shaking off this depression.
I thought it was burnout. I thought it was autistic burnout. I now seriously suspect A to be the cause.
My psychiatrist (of course) is on vacation currently, but I’m going to call my psychologist tomorrow and ask for an appointment with him and maybe a different psychiatrist asap because I want to dose down and stop to see if it really is A. Because I’m going down an undesirable path here, lol. I’m chainsmoking to not do more harmful things and I’ll hold out, so please don’t worry too much, but it’s not going well.
My question would be: has anyone gone through the same?
I am NOT asking for advice on how to quit or whatever, I’m asking my psychs for that, I’d just like to hear other people’s experiences because I don’t know anyone else on A.

Hello friends,
I want to start this off with a disclaimer that there are different types of medication for a reason - not every substance works for every person. Please don’t let this post scare you out of trying Strattera/atomoxetine if your psych thinks it’s a good fit for you. :)
Also, a trigger warning for talk about suicidal ideation.
I’ll just refer to atomoxetine as A now.
Long story short: I’m on about my sixth week of A, started with 25mg, then built it up to 40mg, now I’m on 60mg. I realize it takes about a month to 8 weeks to reach full effect. In the meantime I still use stimulants until it works.
… If it ever does. I still feel the same without stimulants, or at least a noticeable decrease in mood with the same irritability and ‘empty’ feeling as I have without them. And no, I’m not an addict in withdrawal lol, it’s the same feeling I had before I had medication. It’s the unmedicated ‘feeling’.
I’m no stranger to depression, but I’m currently having a big fat episode with big fat suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t ring instant alarmbells because I’ve had episodes before for different reasons.
But it’s a little suspicious to me that it comes crashing over me at the same time I’m starting A. I first thought it was winter depression, which I notice every year but definitely doesn’t necessarily make me full on suicidal. I bought a light therapy lamp by my psychologists advice, and I notice it feels good for my body. I’ve been using it for a few weeks now and it should’ve brought improvement if it was ‘just’ SAD. Like I said, it feels good on my body, I feel a ‘lift’, but there is something else going on inside of me that prevents me from shaking off this depression.
I thought it was burnout. I thought it was autistic burnout. I now seriously suspect A to be the cause.
My psychiatrist (of course) is on vacation currently, but I’m going to call my psychologist tomorrow and ask for an appointment with him and maybe a different psychiatrist asap because I want to dose down and stop to see if it really is A. Because I’m going down an undesirable path here, lol. I’m chainsmoking to not do more harmful things and I’ll hold out, so please don’t worry too much, but it’s not going well.
My question would be: has anyone gone through the same?
I am NOT asking for advice on how to quit or whatever, I’m asking my psychs for that, I’d just like to hear other people’s experiences because I don’t know anyone else on A.

I've been posting these updates in a comment in the pinned FAQ MEGATHREAD but I've seen a lot of negative/hopeless stories lately so I figured I could show you a feel-good story. It might help someone who's still deciding whether to try this or someone who's suffering from side effects and losing the motivation to keep going. I had plenty of different side effects, but was lucky enough that each was only short-lived. It's not a miracle medicine by any means, but it's good support and made my life easier.
---
I'm on D2 with Wellbutrin XR 150mg and I feel more tired and exhausted than I've felt before (the reason I started taking it). I could barely drag myself out of bed today. No other side effects. I also take Cymbalta 120mg which never did much for me either. I'm starting to think my body tolerates these things way too well.
D3: slept all day, still exhausted, felt a little better in the evening, drank an energy drink, it made me even more sleepy.
Also side effects: twitching (not a big deal) and a slight stomach pain 20 hours after taking Wellbutrin (repeated yesterday and today).
D4: managed to stay up all day, but didn't feel any extra motivation or energy, twitching still happening, but less, no other side effects
D5: feeling absolutely nothing, but did maaaybe have a little extra energy (unsure if genuine interest at what I was doing kept me up or the pill), definitely no extra motivation, however. No side effects today.
D6-D10: nervous energy, insomnia, obsessiveness, lack of focus/memory, and _extreme_ angry outbursts (over things that never bothered me in the past)
D10-D12: able to sleep normally again and I also don't sleep during the day anymore, I have more energy, but not more motivation
D13: lack of appetite is obvious now as I'm 3 kgs down. Today started vision problems! I can't see without glasses very well at all and weirdly with glasses (best to describe it is as if I was cross-eyed). I can only see well on my phone, but not PC or further. I hope it goes away soon as this would definitely be a dealbreaker for me.
Dehydration and dry mouth was really bad today too.
D14: eyes got better today in late afternoon, I suspect it might've had something to do with dehydration yesterday. Feeling very sad and alone today (unusual, I rarely feel like that).
D17-18: extremely high libido - had a fun 2 days!
1 extra kg down - total 4 kgs lost in 18 days.
D18-19: feeling extremely weak, like I'm about to pass out from exertion, can't go down and up the stairs without becoming completely breathless and can't wash my hair (holding arms up above my head) in the shower without needing to take breaks.
D20-22: weakness is fully gone, no noticable side effects except dehydration for which I've started taking electrolytes. I feel like I have enough energy to now get throughout the day without napping, and somewhat increased libido, but not more motivation. I don't feel like I can "do all the things", I still procrastinate and struggle with chores, work and studying, but even just having a "normal" level of energy is a blessing after months of being exhausted.
D23-D27: no noticable side effects.
I have enough energy to do pretty well throughout the day (without wondering when can I finally sleep next). For about 8 hours - 8 am to 4-5 pm. After that it drops a bit where I would prefer to just chill on the couch, but I still don't need to actually nap. Later (8-11 pm) it seems to pick back up again. I don't feel completely exhausted going to sleep anymore. Could probably easily stay up even till 2 am, if necessary. Loving it so far, but do wish it did a little something for my motivation too.
1 month: forgot to take the pill and can feel an obvious lack of energy.
2 months:
I stopped updating when the side effects stopped. :) I still have enough energy to get through the day so Wellbutrin is definitely helping me. At some point about 2 weeks ago, however, I had 1 week of really, really dry eyes and I started getting brain zaps.
Dry eyes went away on their own. Brain zaps are AFAIK more commonly mentioned with Cymbalta and I'm on a pretty high level so in consultation with my psychiatrist, I started withdrawing from Cymbalta (I went from 120mg to 90mg in the past week and will attempt to go to 60mg this week). Brain zaps are milder or almost gone now. I will also raise Wellbutrin to 300mg once I get to 60mg Cymbalta.
Edit: Forgot to add that 2-3 weeks ago I had a week with very increased focus. I strongly suspect I have ADHD, so I ended up in hyperfocused state every single night for a week. When I started withdrawing from Cymbalta, I had one of the worst focus days I've had in a while. At the moment, I'm "normal".
2.5 months: Raised my dose to 300mg Wellbutrin. In the past 2 weeks I lowered Cymbalta from 120mg to 60mg. Had another bad focus day. Brain zaps are now almost gone. I noticed I now bruise very easily, my legs look like rainbows. D2 into 300mg - no noticeable new side effects.
D1-D3 on 300mg: felt more tired than usual (which is the same as D1-D3 on 150mg), no obvious effect on my motivation. No brain zaps.
D4-D6 on 300mg: I'm not tired anymore. I've managed to get extra chores/housework/projects done every single day since D3. Unfortunately, my appetite is back. But life feels easier. I used to see things that needed to be done and fight with my brain for hours to finally do it, then feel horrible for not having done it. Now I look at something, think 'oh I could do this now' and then I just do it. I've cleaned dishes and vacuumed more often, I've been fixing the walls where they are cracked, I've decorated the living room for fall/halloween, I've built 2 IKEA cabinets (2 days after I've bought them! That's never happened before),... I have never felt this way before. I'm grateful!
~3 weeks in with 300mg: I'm still not tired. In fact, I've stayed up for 30 hours multiple times in the past few weeks. Not because of insomnia but because I was enjoying what I was doing and didn't want to do it tomorrow (this is coming from a person who constantly used to live with "I'll do it tomorrow"). I now also feel like I don't have enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do. My life feels more "full". I don't get bored anymore (I have undiagnosed ADHD and used to get bored all the time, I had multiple ideas about what I could do, but be unmotivated to do any of them and eventually just get paralysed from all the options and inability to force myself to do any of them). My life is not perfect now by any means, but I feel very supported by this medicine.
In practice: I went from struggling with piles of dishes and weeks of clean dishes staying inside the dishwasher, pulling one item out at a time when I needed it, and running out of clean plates/utensils (I never had any dislike for doing dishes and couldn't understand why I blatantly couldn't do this quick, simple task) to emptying the dishwasher a few days after the dishes get done and having at most 2 days of dirty dishes still outside. So like I said, not perfect, even 2 days of dirty dishes outside is (by my standards) disgusting, but in comparison to before it is so much better! I started going through months of emails (deleting them, unsubscribing, responding). I started posting to social media again (after about 2 years of not posting). I vacuum more times a week now. I open packages that arrive in a few days (they used to sit around weeks or months). I've finished a Halloween puzzle after 10 years of not doing puzzles. I enjoy watching TV again. I brush my cat and dog much more often and I took in a tiny abandoned kitten knowing that I'm now capable of taking care of her. There's no improvement in my social life, but that's probably more due to my personality rather than my depression/ADHD. By all means, this medicine is absolutely working for me. And even just having energy alone again was truly a blessing. Thank you, manufacturers of bupropion/Wellbutrin.
4 weeks in with 300mg: I still have enough energy, but the effect on my motivation/executive dysfunction wore off... :( I asked my psychiatrist if I could raise the dose once again to see if anything changes (to 450mg, if it doesn't work I'd go back down to 150mg as currently there's no difference between 150 and 300mg), but he refused. Not due to any possible valid reason (such as it's too dangerous, not good for my weight, too many bad side effects, they don't prescribe 450, the possibility of long-term side effects or anything similar). But because according to him pills don't help me.
Months ago when I wanted to try a different antidepressant, he told me "If Cymbalta didn't help you, no other antidepressant will." (Cymbalta was my very first antidepressant and it DID help - it fixed my anxiety - but not exhaustion or executive dysfunction, but not every pill is a magical potion that can fix a bunch of different problems especially if they have different root causes).
When I asked for a raise to 450mg he raised his voice at me saying that 2 antidepressants already didn't help me (both did) and I should stop relying on pills so much (I also go to therapy and use ADHD strategies I found once I started suspecting I had it + I catastrophize and think about worst case scenarios so I have far more thoughts that pills will never help me anyway than thinking I need them to live).
I tried to explain that I think the last problem is caused by ADHD (executive dysfunction) and might be fixed with ADHD meds... and he raised his voice again, saying "Wellbutrin works for ADHD and it didn't work for you!" (it DID, it's the best thing that happened to me in the past decade, and it probably worked precisely because I have ADHD - but mind you, there's lots of people with ADHD it didn't help). He also said "Even if you get diagnosed with ADHD and I prescribe something, say Strattera, it won't help you!!"
I love it when people assume right away that I'm bound to fail before even letting me try. Ofc he also threw "just do it" at me when I tried to explain my struggle with the dishes. How have I not thought of that myself before - I could simply just do it! High quality advice right there. I left his office angry and crying. Without 450mg. He prescribed 2x 300mg. I went to my general doctor and asked if she could give me a prescription for 150mg XL, but unfortunately she can't because of insurance. She gave me contact info for a new psychiatrist, but I will probably have to wait a year before my turn, so for now I'm stuck with this asshole.
⚠ WARNING! From this point on I will be experimenting against the advice (if one could call it that) of my psychiatrist and using an IMPROVISED 450mg dose. I will continue to update this journal, but any following experiences might not be relevant if you're using a genuine 450mg XL pill. And you really shouldn't follow in my footsteps... even if I survive this just fine, you might not.
My psychiatrist is throwing his frustration that I'm still not 100% healed on me, believes I didn't and can't gain anything with pills - which is absolute fucking horseshit (and this diary confirms it!) - and is therefore unwilling to even just let me try (anything, not 450mg specifically). After I only tried 2 anti-depressants! Which both fixed 2 of my problems! Just not the last problem, and because my current success rate with fixing problems in 1 year is 4/5, I damn well believe fixing the last one is worth trying for too. It will probably get managed with ADHD meds, IF they'll diagnose me correctly and if he'll even be willing to prescribe anything for it.
But for now, I'll still try out 450mg... by taking 1 and 1/2 of 300mg XL. I'll cut one in half. Unfortunately, because the outer layer of the pill is cut, absorption is no longer extended - those two halves basically become 2x 150mg IR (instantly released). The maximum dose of IR that you can take is 150mg every 6 hours. That means that taking 300mg with it would raise the maximum and could cause problems. I will also get rid of Cymbalta altogether (I am currently at 30mg) so it doesn't cause issues (such as brain zaps) with the high dose of Wellbutrin.
I found bupropion curves for absorption for XL (it peaks 5h after taking it) and IR (it peaks 1.5h after taking it), and asked a mathematician to combine them and find a timeline in which both pills could safely work together. The models show that I can take 300mg XL 2 hours after taking 150mg IR (i.e. 1/2 300mg XL) and not exceed the 150mg IR maximum. Maybe it'll do something for me or maybe it'll do jack shit or maybe I'll be left with some bad side effects. But I'm taking that risk because - with my psychiatrist completely giving up on me and refusing to let me even try something - I feel like I don't have another choice.
D1 on IMPROVISED 450mg: I take 150mg IR at 6 am and 300mg XL at 8 am. I started when sick (coughing, low energy, lowered immune system). It's also a few days after dropping from 30mg Cymbalta to 0mg. It's not entirely clear which side effects will be because of being sick, because of Cymbalta withdrawal or because of raising the Wellbutrin dose but I'll make some guesses. After taking 150mg IR at 6 am, I felt a little nauseous (but I also ate some cream that might've not been the freshest...). I managed to do quite a few productive things (including the Dreaded Dishes and a few other stuff I had previously avoided).
Ever since I stopped Cymbalta, I have brain zaps and they seem to be getting worse every day (definitely Cymbalta-related as they started before I raised Wellbutrin to 450mg and didn't happen on 300mg Wellbutrin until I stopped Cymbalta - brain zaps are also very, very commonly reported for Cymbalta withdrawal). My appetite was great and I genuinely enjoyed food.
D2 on IMPROVISED 450mg: Didn't go to sleep - insomnia. My focus and memory were really bad in the evening. No nausea. I started keeping a task management system again which is a good sign (I usually manage to keep it during better periods of life). Some of the chores (including the Dreaded Dishes and changing the trash bag) seemed a little bit easier. My appetite was great.
D3 on IMPROVISED 450mg: Slept really great and through 2 alarms. Taking a shower was really easy, not the usual struggle. But I felt physically really weak in the shower and had to sit down for quite a while to rest just after it. I didn't eat breakfast so that might've caused or contributed to it. Brain zaps (Cymbalta withdrawal) are much worse - they happen all the time now, even if I only look to the left or right.
D4-D6 on IMPROVISED 450mg: Horrible. Nauseous all the time. I can't tell if it's from Cymbalta withdrawal or Wellbutrin. I suspect Cymbalta because it's famous for being really hard to get off of. No focus and bad memory (probably from Cymbalta, because I had this happen each time I lowered its dose, 120 to 90, 90 to 60 and 60 to 30). One night all of my senses went into crazy overdrive - I was sensitive to every little sound, sight (such as car lights) and vibration and it made me feel crazy (absolutely no clue which of the 2 pills could've caused this side effect). I dropped everything and just went to sleep through it in a dark room, quiet room. These 2 days were probably the worst I've felt regarding side effects since I started my antidepressant journey.
D7 on IMPROVISED 450mg: Still getting nauseous, but I realized that chocolate helps - yes, replacing one addiction (Cymbalta) with another (sugar)... Eating in general helped too, so I tried to snack all day. I also bought ginger tea and some ginger anti-nausea pills. Took one pill, it didn't help. My appetite is gone again (Wellbutrin effect as it happened on both 150 and 300 mg before) which is not an issue for me. I also felt very tired (before-150-mg-Wellbutrin-sleep-every-3-hours kinda tired). Might be a temporary Wellbutrin side effect (it happened on both 150 and 300 mg), but could also be from Cymbalta withdrawal. I wonder if fixing my exhaustion back in August was the result of both Cymbalta and Wellbutrin working together. I hope not, because I don't want to be addicted to Cymbalta, I want it gone.
D8 on IMPROVISED 450 mg: Feeling exhausted and without motivation. I still had enough to keep up with the dishes, which is a miracle in itself, but not much else. My energy picked up a little bit in the late afternoon/early evening. I'm getting really worried that I also need Cymbalta to not be that exhausted again. Brain zaps are less common and less intense. Had some nausea, but kept it in check by snacking. It wasn't as bad as a few days ago. My focus and memory are still bad - it's annoying but manageable.
I think that improvised 150 mg IR + 300 mg XL cannot be similar to 450 mg XL - the IR dose just adds 2 extra hours of Wellbutrin to my day, but it doesn't raise the overall level of concentration in my blood throughout the entire day. I'm considering just going back to 300 mg (would go to 150 mg, but I only have 300 mg pills), but I'll wait it out some more just in case it will have some extra effect compared to 300 mg XL.

I’ve never reduced my dose of lexapro before and am curious if anyone else has gone straight from 20mg down to 10mg and if withdrawals were severe.
Personally, I think my doctor is crazy for just saying “No you’ll have no withdrawals, just cut the pills in half and start tomorrow.”
I’m also adding 25 mg of Strattera to the wonderful concoction of drugs my doc has prescribed me. Not sure what’s going to happen but should be a fun ride.
Anyone tried to cut their lex in half with no taper? Would love your thoughts on how you felt. Thanks
PS I’m not really a depressed person so I’m not worried about suicidal thoughts or anything. Just concerned with feeling sick and off cause I’m a wuss lol