Extreme back pain 34 weeks pregnant

So I’ve been having a bad sore throat since the first week of May: it’s been scratchy and forcing me to dry cough. It also affected my ear on one side and it was fully closed at one point. Anyways fast forward it felt fine for like 2 days and then my sore throat came back just not as bad (it feels like it’s the tonsils or something cuz my neck also felt big/swollen) and I have some sort of sore on my tongue that hurts aswell + ear pain is back (coughing is not as bad but when I do cough I feel it in my chest) I’m definitely not as bad as I was 2-3 weeks ago but I still feel like it should not have been going on for this long especially my throat in which I got antibiotics for ( the first time I went to a clinic and he said it’ll pass in a few days, after a week and half went to my family doctor said the same thing but gave me antibiotics)
Now I’m just wondering if I should go check it out or if I should just wait until my family doctor sees me:/ anything is helpful I know I’m bad at deciding

This is going to be a long one so bear with me please. I am also giving a lot of backstory and past issues bcz I feel they are relevant to the matter and also I feel like ranting. Also this is in India so the currency is Rupees. Before we start I just want to say that I am not perfect in any way or form and I have done any fair share of mistakes. I(20F) have been in a relationship with my bf Jake(22M)(fake name) for roughly 5.5 yrs now. My family is not rich but we do have a lot of money bcz both my parents are doctors but I did not realise we have this much money until 2yrs ago. (Am not very street smart as U will see in this post). Since after abt 1.5 years of relationship (May 2020)when lockdown started his family fell on hardtimes as his family owns a shop and bcz of the Pandemic they weren't able to run it. At first it was bcz one of his friend got into an accident so he needs money and he told me he will give it back etc (i don't remember if he ever did as it was yrs ago). At the time I had money saved up so I helped out the first few times with my own money. Then when I ran out of money then he said to ask my dad or mom, or steal from my house and give him some. A lil back story here, my mom and dad are separated so they did not used to talk about finances so I would take extra money from my dad than what was actually required and give the rest to jake. For e.g I required 3k for a parcel or smrg then I would ask for 5k, give my mother the 3k(I live with her, my father lives separately) and give the 2k to jake. I also gave him cash many times by essentially stealing from my mother's closet. When I used to say NO he hurled abuses at me and called me every name in the book which a person can imagine, guilt tripped me and pushed me very hard and I gave in almost every time. He told me he will give me back eventually, he has made an investment,etc. Basically all stupid lies to have more time, then one day during an arguement I pressed on when he is gonna return the money and after a lot of time he told me there is no investment and he used the money in his family's shop. After 2.5 year of this in October-Nov of 2022 we both got admissions in universities which were around 2 hours away from each other. Till then this pattern continued and his family was still struggling bcz of his father's brother divided the joint business or something else. Before this when we were at out respective homes he told me he got some operation done for smtg in his abdomen. I gave him 10k from my mother's closet for that and even when I went to meet he had an area bandaged (was very unprofessionally done my dumb self should have understood that it was also fake) one of his friend also confirmed that he had operation done and I was coordinating with him on the said dates when he was supposedly admitted. He also used to frequently tell me that he has suicidal thoughts and he will end himself etc . After we went to our respective colleges once we had a big fight and next day he told me that he tried to end himself by jumping of the balcony but his friend (who he was staying with at the time),Luke, stopped him worrying for him I called Luke later and told him I was worried for Jake and to pls take care of him. He was confused by this and asked me why what happened. I asked him abt last night's attempt, he told me nothing of that sort happened. This opened a can of worms where it was revealed that he was making a fool out of me, guy owned a fucking Iphone and was telling me that his family was on hard times and taking money from me. This is also when I found out that their was no operation. I don't remember what else I found out that night but felt like a huge betrayal and I talked to 3 of his friends that night for quite a few hours where a lot of lies were revealed. I broke it off with him, at this point I had lent a total of Rs.75-80k. He begged me for weeks for forgiveness, at first I laughed in his face but as weeks went by I started to miss us. He came to meet and win me back a few times at my uni. Eventually, a month later I forgave him on some conditions like he wont lie and share everything with me, won't tell me who or who not to be friends with (he did that before a lot). Few months later the cycle started again, I was back to giving him money from the monthly spending amount I used to get(it was a lot at first bcz I was just settling in,now my monthy allowance is wayyy less). He did not like the friend group I was in so I stopped talking to them (bcz they knew abt our situation as I broke down crying in front of them when I found out abt all this so he felt like he lost respect and They didn't respect me etc, admittedly they weren't good and I would have distanced myself eventually anyways maybe cuz the vibe didn't match but that should have been my call I feel) and he still (>1 year later) yells at me if he suspects that I am casually talking to them. My college is in a much smaller city so I go to meet him once to twice a month as he shares a flat with few ppl and the city has more activities to do. Other than the first few times (when we got back together) I pay almost if not all bills like gas (for his 2 wheeler) and food. It's very frustrating at times but I understand that he does not has enough money as his father does not send him enough to cover rent, food and expenses or so he says ( sighs IDK anymore guys what's true and what's not). Jake says his family is still struggling bcz his sister went to UK last year to study and that took a huge chunk of money and they have loans to pay, etc. I can believe this is true. Also he says they have virtually almost no savings left bcz business isn't doing great hence his father sends him rent t food expenses andsays to manage The rest on his own (he does not has a job so guess where the money comes from 🤡). In the Past few months admittedly he has not asked for money frequently but when he does its like a huge chunk. He has also taken loans (with interest) from some of his friends without telling me. He has done this multiple times before after I have repeatedly asked him to stop. (Embarrassingly I admit there are more instances when he has acted like a red curtain but I think I can write a book at this point if I list them all out so let's move on to the latest problem).
Onto The current issue Almost 3 days ago now, Jake called me (we already have been fighting for I don't even remember how many days at that point a week maybe?) and we told me that he was told by his dad that they have been unable to make payments for the loan they took from a person keeping their shop as collateral, they have to pay half the amount (Total amount was 5 lakhs) and interest which was 64k tomorrow to that person, they have arranged most of the money but are short by abt 30k. He asked me can I do something (steal or ask my dad). I refused as there is no money in my mother's closet anyway and I haven't talked to my dad in abt 3 months now. (ofcourse I did not outright refuse and just gave him my reas oning buz I'm a doormat 🥰🤡🤡). I pressed me to pls talk to my father about money and tell him I need it for my tablet (I bought one just a few days prior). I refused and said he won't give me money anyway. He asked what about my mother's bank account, it must have something. One account is linked to UPI ( It's for making online payments in India) and one is not. The one that is linked does not have much money bCz my mother's salary has not been credited in 4 months. The other account has money but as it does not has UPI activated online payments cannot be done.I told him all of this. He asked can I activate the UPI if my mother's asleep and plz transfer him the money (also said to transfer it first to my own account so if she finds out then I can say my friend needed it so I have lent some for a month or two🙂 ) I mean maybe I could if I really wanted to but I have had enough, I do not want to steal. Now his family is potentially loosing the shop and he is blaming me for it. I have repeatedly tried to reason with him and told him that if I had the money in my account I would have given him (My account had 1k and I transferred him that😔). He says his blood relatives (his father's siblings refused to pay even a dime, I mean they and their children all are grown ups and have jobs and if They didn't pay how does he expect me, who does not has never had a job give him money, probably it's my fault I have enabled him enough every down time by giving him money so how he just expects everytime that I'll help bcz I am family).
He is still pressing me to give like 5k now bcz now he wants to go to another city and talk to the lender's brother to pls provide them with some Time. But I do not have the money 😕. He says that 'if I would have really wanted then I could but I did not think of his family as mine ', " U will understand my pain when U will loose something of yours for lesser value Than it really is " (The shop's market valve is 4O lakhs and they lost it for 5 lakhs) Also has called me quite a few names since then. He arranged 1K and said " I'm going today there I'll see what to do after reaching there." Says he wants to breakup ( it's pretty normal to say it's over after fights so I don't really know if he is even serious) for 2 reasons - 1. I did not give him money 2. When he will go to uni he won't have any spending money so he'll expect are to help out, and he knows I won't and he does not want that disappointment.
I mean TBH I wouldn't care if it were a few hundred rupees but it won't be, additionally I will be The one covering The costs as usual when I go to meet him. I won't have any money left for my own. And I really want to start saving up again. I have spent outrageous amounts of money in The past year (go figure the reason) and saved up nothing. Today he was still begging (he used the word) me to pls arrange the money. He said I leave for uni in 2 days after summer vacations so I'll get my allowance, technically I can ask for it in advance and give him. But I don't want to after he has treated me. Everytime I tell myself that this is the last time, I'll leave the next time he does this but I just stay. I know I'm not responsible for him and his family but I still feel really guilty about not giving him the money. I know I should end things but it's just difficult to leave something which you have been attached to for so long, it just feels natural to you. Rn he owes me I don't even know how much but it's maybe around 1 lakh something. Not counting The amount of gifts (some he guilt tripped me into buying 🙄 ) I have bought him and the money I have spent on my trips to visit him. IDK if I'll ever see that money again probably not. Please also give me advice on how should I proceed with the breakup, I don't want him to do anything drastic like come to my house or call my mom to tell him abt our relationship (frowned upon in India).
I know the answer but still need the answer should I give him some money from my allowance and WIBTA if I don't ? (Sorry for any errors in writing, I'm writing on tablet with a stylus)

hello loves!! so i have gathered a GOOD amount of beta stories, idk i like to use the diamond choices in these ( as getting them back is a thrill) just thought i'd share these with anyone who needs it. ( you get your passes back too! )

1. I'm reading Pregnant by the Greek Millionaire. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6174815936348160
2. I'm reading It's A Match!. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4751590522126336
3. I'm reading A Royal Pain. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5565357556269056
4. I'm reading Maid For Him. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5379311666233344
5. I'm reading True Loves Kiss. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5035483652358144
6. I'm reading Mistletoe Memories. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5679267742416896
7. I'm reading Whoa! Baby!. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5373324177735680
8. I'm reading It Started With A Pumpkin. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6693986264088576
9. I'm reading Executive Desires. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4809794403631104
10. I'm reading Don't Tell Daddy. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5943669745975296
11. I'm reading TROUBLEMAKER. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5948532396064768
12. I'm reading Size Matters. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5285828576608256
13. I'm reading C-lebrity House. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4691287860084736
14. I'm reading Good Or Bad. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6726535058751488
15. I'm reading Deal with The Devil. Check it out: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6004898348957696

now that's all folks!! are these stories any good? MOSTLY NOT. still is it fun to use the gem choices & then get those back? OH HECK YEAHH! so go ahead enjoy loves !! & if you have any that i don't please leave a link ♥️ love xx

Before I even filled out an application I asked if it was a smoke-free property. They assured me it was. From the first day I moved in I noticed a bad smell and told the office. I asked them if anybody smokes downstairs. The guy in the office assured me there is no one downstairs smoking and the entire property is smoke-free. They had me wasting maintenance's time because I was convinced there must be something wrong with my HVAC system because it was admitting such a putrid smell all the time.
Then earlier this week I discover WOL (waste of life) sitting on his patio right underneath mine , smoking. It was then that I realized he is smoking inside and outside his apartment. I immediately sent an email to the office. They responded by delivering an addendum to the lease to everyone in my building stating that smoking is not allowed in the apartments or the patios. It is allowed in the parking lot if you are 15 ft away .
WOL responded by standing beside his vehicle smoking which is less than 5 ft from my bedroom window. As soon as I saw him I went out there to confront him. As soon as he saw me he ran into his apartment and hid behind his sliding glass door staring at me, cigarette in hand.
My friends and coworkers started asking me if I had recently taken up smoking because I stink so bad.
I've been waiting for maintenance to fix my dryer so I've had to take all of my linens and clothing and bedding to a laundromat to wash. After doing this all day I sent the office an email thanking them for the addendum. I told them I still see him smoking by his vehicle. I also offered to move to a different apartment. They responded the next day by telling me WOL complained of noises I was making upstairs. I told them after laundering WOL’s funk out of my belongings all day at the laundromat I came home to vacuum and mop up his filth for him at no charge. Which was true.
Since WOL doesn’t like noise I’ve started slamming a plastic bin onto the floor by the vent when I still smell him smoking. I know confronting him in person is probably not the best option anyway and since he cowards like a child there is no point. But I'm not going to tolerate this. When I do this he gets in his vehicle, smokes for a while then usually drives of the complex.
WOL has a handicap sign at his parking spot, I suspect just so he can guarantee his spot. He does not appear to be disabled. I'm worried he's going to play up being disabled as a reason why he has to smoke in his apartment and he's already trying to make it sound like he's a victim because me cleaning up his filth for him is inconveniencing him. He's also taken to smoking heavy amounts of weed late at night which is not nearly as bothersome but it does make me sick. This morning he was smoking at 6:00 a.m. which woke me up immediately. I looked out my window and he was working on his vehicle, walking back and forth with a cigarette in hand. I've been trying to get a picture of him with a cigarette.
My furniture is being delivered today and I'm so depressed I feel suicidal. Legally what kind of demand can I make if this continues? I have documentation from my doctor saying I'm extremely allergic to any kind of Ash mix especially cigarettes. If they won't put me in a different apartment can I sue them to get my rent back, make them reimburse my moving costs? I feel like I should start looking for a new apartment.

Hey everyone, I have been super hesitant posting on the thread about my medical mystery that has been ongoing for about 7 months now, I’m just at a loss and want to know if anyone has had any similar issues or advice.
Back in 2019 I had a hyperextension injury in my lower back, near my SI joint. Long story short, after scans were done, they found out I have spina bifida occulta, they told me that I’d have to live with the pain I was having and sent me on my way. Frustrated, I kept pushing through until the next issues occurred.
November 1, 2023, exactly 7 months ago now, I woke up one morning with a headache. Nothing out of the ordinary for me honestly, I’ve been told I suffer with a type of migraine disorder, but Tylenol always made it go away after a while. Skip ahead to now, June 1, 2024, and this headache is still here, I know it sounds crazy, but every single day I wake up with this headache and go to sleep with this headache, absolutely no medication has helped me, and trust me I’ve tried quite a few.
Along with this headache, I noticed a lot of other symptoms, and honestly so much has changed since then I can’t remember them all, but some include: weight gain, blurry vision (almost like a film over my eyes at times), extreme fatigue, extreme bruising out of nowhere, free bleeding every time I got even the tiniest scratch, not sleeping at night, random weakness and numbness in my hands, random entire body weakness, even more sugar drops than normal (I’m also Hypoglycemic), muscle cramps, dizziness, joint and muscle pain (more than usual), muscle cramps (more than usual), abdominal pain, extreme indigestion and heart burn, extreme bloating, TMJ flares 24/7, a knot on the side of my face located at my temple, major brain to speech delays that have almost made me speak differently now, brain fog, and the list could continue forever I feel like.
After what felt like forever with this headache and all the other issues, I go to my PCP hoping that they can help me somehow. They told me I was getting over a sinus infection and gave me antibiotics for fluid behind my ear, and muscle relaxers for my TMJ flare up which they said caused the knot on my temple as well. I didn’t think this was the issue, but did as told, and took the medications the course I was given, and to no avail, nothing changed. They said that they would refer me to a neurologist and stated that this could take a while and that they would also probably need a head CT for scheduling to accept me. No CT was scheduled and I hadn’t heard back from them in a while.
December 24, 2023, I ended up in my local ER with a debilitating headache, where I gave them my entire sob story over again, because at this point I felt so stupid coming to the ER for this. They done a head CT and gave me some IV meds that took the edge off the slightest, enough to where I could at least function some, but still in pain. They told me that my head CT was normal and that I needed to go to the neurologist after getting an appointment. So a wasted trip in my eyes because I’m still left in pain with absolutely no idea what is going on.
I get in with my now neurologist in the new year and start going to see them. They prescribed me a lot of different medications for a period of time over 3 months to see what would help, news flash, nothing helped, ever, it’s still here to this day. I have also had a brain MRI and a EEG done as well. They thought that maybe with my issues with spina bifida occulta, that I had a Chiari Malformation or some type of seizure disorder that had just made itself known. Guess what, all scans are normal, spectacular even as they all told me, my scans were the picture of health! Then why do I feel so bad every single day.
Fast forward to many appointments and medications and blood panels later. I have an appointment with my neurologist to go over what we should do next. I told them that I was also starting to experience major abdominal pain on my right lower abdomen. They assumed that maybe it was appendicitis, so we done some tests, they assumed that I was fine and sent me downstairs for bloodwork. Now,‘I’ve never had issues with getting bloodwork done, I’m a super nerd about everything medical and have absolutely no weak stomach to anything. I am getting my blood drawn and completely black out. I mean stopped breathing and had compressions started in the middle of the lab. When I finally came to, they checked all of my vitals, all normal, minus my bp was a little bit elevated. Everything else, even sugar, all normal. I was rushed to the ER that is closest to my neurologist, which is 2 and a half hours away from my house. They thought maybe I did have appendicitis and it burst. Or a possible ovarian cyst.
In the ambulance and in the ER waiting for a room, it almost happens a second and third time. I’m terrified at this point. They run an EKG, abdominal CT, bloodwork, urine sample, ultrasounds, the entire works. Guess what, all comes back normal, except they did find that my liver is slightly enlarged? Odd, but okay. I get set up appointments with a cardiologist, a GI specialist, an orthopedist spine specialist, and told to visit my OBGYN for the possible ovarian pain.
Now time for a speed round of these appointments: - OBGYN says my abdominal pain is pelvic floor muscle spasms, no reason why, gave me muscle relaxers, has gone away mostly - Cardiologist says I need a heart monitor to assess my heart palpitations, haven’t gotten that yet, so at a dead end with that for now - Spine specialist done X-rays, confirmed spina bifida occulta, also diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease (runs in my family and I done gymnastics my entire life to make it worse), I have Bilateral sacroiliitis, and Mild lumbar stenosis, sending me to PT and getting dry needling done, just had my first appointment yesterday, so ongoing. - GI specialist does an insane amount of bloodwork (yay finally), and now I’m scheduled for a fibroscan of my liver next month.
However, the following are the current bloodwork results: - High chloride - Low CO2 - Low Bun - High Alpha-1 Antitrypsin - High iron - High Transferrin - High AST - High ALT (almost double the normal amount) - Positive Antinuclear Antibodies (ANA) - ANA Titer value 1:80 - ANA Pattern Homogeneous
They also told me that even through I have had all of my hepatitis vaccines throughout my stages of life, that I am NOT protected against Hepatitis B and need to go get another round of the vaccine, however, have no active Hepatitis B infection.
And the little background I have: currently on birth control, Loryna® (Drospirenone and Ethinyl Estradiol Tablets, USP) 3 mg/0.02 mg, for oral use, I have been on this since early 2020. And I was on Lexapro 10mg for a little over a year between late 2022 to very early 2024. I am no longer taking Lexapro.
I am stumped and confused and frustrated beyond compare at this point and don’t know where to turn to next. Has anyone had an experience even close to this or any advice for where I should turn next?

Hi everyone, this thread has been a great companion through my journey and I wanted to share what worked for me.
SW170 CW130 f(47) 5’4 perimenopausal
I never really worried about my weight and in my 20s and most of my 30s it was a simple task of a slight restriction & my weight would stabilise (usually around 140/145lbs). Never liked calorie counting after a tricky time in my teens. All fine with me! I took my eye off the ball and my weight gradually increased. In 2019 I was having a difficult time at work, this coupled with the recent realisation that I was entering into perimenopause my weight steadily increased. I wasn’t weighing myself at that time but I would guess mid 150s. Anyway I changed jobs in Dec 2019 and you know what happened next! My new job was extremely stressful working 6/7 days a week during the first 6mths of the pandemic.
In May of 2020 I switched to a vegan diet which really eased my perimenopausal symptoms but it was junk food and my weight continued to increase. When we were back in the world again and I was at business meetings etc and I would mention I was vegan (sorry us vegans can’t help ourselves!) I would get a look…and occasionally comments such as…’you? I thought vegans were skinny?’ I would brush it off but as you can imagine it stuck..people can be unintentionally rude.
Whelp…August 23 I finally plucked up the courage and stepped on the scale…170…wowsers! After I stopped beating myself up I had this moment of clarity..I imagined a MRI scan of my body, the skeleton, the muscles and the fat wrapped around it. I could see that there was a strong and fit person who was currently temporarily embarrassed by fat but if I acted like a fit and healthy person and do what they do maybe I would become that person.
I switched to a WFPB diet and IF, started lifting dumbbell (started 10min and built up to 30min) every other day. Yoga every other day again building up over time. I walked everyday at lunch time for a minimum of 30mins. I didn’t count calories as it can put me in a difficult mindset, instead I weighed myself every morning and measured myself once a week. I still went out, drank too much wine over dinner with friends, enjoyed PB burgers and fries. But I did not do this every day and recognised my weight would fluctuate afterwards but that’s ok because I had a good time.
What I have learned is this is not something you can do temporarily, it needs to be a shift in how live your life, forever. I know my diet is not for everyone but I hope the trick I played on myself can help you get fit and strong too.

This might read more like a relationship advice post, so forgive me if this isn't the appropriate avenue, but I really need insight from people who have experienced this type of grief. This is a little long, so please bear with me.
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?

background (feel free to skip):
1 year ago i had top surgery (i’m trans). 2 weeks post op i woke up and my right arm felt like it was on fire. it was a pain i had never felt before. at the same time my right arm and right side of my face felt numb and heavy. i was dumb and just tried to ignore it and as the day went on the pain got slightly better. but i woke up the next day and the pain was back. this persisted for months. the pain is in my right shoulder and feels like a shooting stabbing pain that travels down my arm and recently up into my neck. while i was in the hospital 4 months ago for other reasons they said it was neuralgia and placed a referral to neurology (that needed up being the wrong referral so that went nowhere). the pain was getting better but the past month it’s been getting worse. i’m in daily 7-8/10 pain. i went back to my surgeon to see if maybe the surgery had something to do with it and he said he didn’t think the surgery caused this but recommended i follow up with my family doctor and placed a referral to neurology.
i see my family doctor today and plan on telling him all this plus telling him what i’ve tried (tylenol, advil, naproxen, muscle relaxers, physio, heat, cold).
i’m wondering if there is anything else i should bring up? my pain has severely effects my ability to function to the point where i’m missing 4/5 days of school and can barely do my job. i need some form of pain relief.

So I (F28) got married almost a year ago.
I have zero problems with my MIL/SIL/FIL.
I live with my Husband, MIL and FIL. SIL was married a couple years back and she has a 10 month old, and she is a working woman.
I'm 7 weeks pregnant currently, and I'm finding it difficult to take care of myself due to relentless sickness and nausea. I am off my work.
I need a way to explain it to my husband that I'm not comfortable seeing guests at home, especially now, roaming around almost anytime of the day.
Since my MIL looks after the household, my SIL and her husband leaves the kid here under MIL's care when they are at work. I don't have problem with that, I really like my SIL and her family.
The only issue is I'm new here, and I don't feel comfortable stepping out of my room when my SIL and her husband are here roaming around the entire house, because earlier I used to get ready and go for work and lived quiet normally. Right now I'm so damn sick, I just find it way too weird to even come out and accidentally see them roaming around the house, having snacks and just sitting anywhere from kitchen to my MIL's room. I'm most of the times so sick that I haven't taken a bath by 8 pm. I am not a kind of person who would otherwise go out of my bedroom without a bra, and uncombed hair, or messed up gown, or just plain feeling sick and nauseated not ready to socialize.
Earlier nothing bothered me, because I was fine and was always not in this state.
I just want my SIL and her husband to stay in guest area, and stop roaming around the house, atleast so that I can feel free to access other areas of the house without feeling uncomfortable. Is it something that I can explain to my husband somehow?

I have a 3yr old singleton and 6mo twins. When the babies were 9 weeks, we moved interstate to be near family for help. The two sets of grandparents in our hometown welcomed us with open arms and we moved in with my parents (at their invitation) and they said we could stay as long as we like (and they were sincere).
It’s been 5 months, and I’m either really in my head or it’s really happening, but I think we’ve worn out our welcome. I’ve read plenty of times on here that family often offers help then reneges after realising just how tiring it is to care for multiples - it feels like that’s the case based on a few comments/general vibe. They haven’t said it outright, and won’t or don’t know how to (I have asked), but that’s what I am almost certain is happening.
We’ve been extremely careful to not overload them, give them as much space as possible, contribute as much as we can to the workload and cost of running the house, show our gratitude in several ways and we are sharing the load with the other set of grandparents, but there’s no escaping that there’s 5 extra people in their house including two infants and a very energetic toddler. It’s still relentless. They’ve been so generous but I think we have to move on. We are staying with the other grandparents now to give them a break, but it’s not feasible to stay here medium/long term.
So where I need help is with confidence and tips. We have been living with two extra, very hands on adults at all times and it’s still so hard it’s almost impossible. When my parents went away for a few weeks we stayed at their place without them and we could not manage. Standards were dropped to almost nothing but still, kids were not bathed. Food was not cooked. The house was never even remotely tidy let alone clean. Dad couldn’t get to work on time. I was losing my mind alone all day playing whack-a-mole with the babies. I could never manage the babies and the toddler together on my own. I never felt like I was doing a good job with any or my kids or my partner. It was crushing.
I feel so utterly incompetent even asking because I know so many of you and so many more people somehow manage but I don’t know how? We have to move out, we need our own space too for many reasons, but I'm terrified we won't cope and could have a proper breakdown - not exaggerating.
Please tell me some of you have some words of advice or can help give me some clarity on the reality of living with just the nuclear family unit? I'm spiralling pretty deep and I'm scared.
We will still have family help around but I want to wean off as we'll be moving away again and I need to know we can do that, and I want our parents to have their lives back, too.

This might read more like a relationship advice post, so forgive me if this isn't the appropriate avenue, but I really need insight from people who have experienced this type of grief. This is a little long, so please bear with me.
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?

Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#200
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷‍♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)

This wild ride started 1 year ago when I read Peter's book and decided to start exercising and eating healthier. My original post 4-5 months ago was here: https://www.reddit.com/PeterAttia/comments/19d8wcg/lost_weight_but_cholesterol_went_up/
Fast forward to today, here are my data points and what has changed:
2019 - 2022 baseline: (measured annually)
TC - 230s
HDL - high 50s
LDL - 160-170
ApoB - only data point in 2019 was 118
HbA1C - 5.4-5.6
AST / ALT - 20/13 avg.
Jan 2024 - pretty much as described in the list above, I did 7 months of exercise, lost weight, low carbs, lots of meat, including red meat, keto diet. My lipid panal shot up through the roof, but HbA1C dropped like a tank.
TC - 300
HDL - 56
LDL - 235
ApoB - 140
HbA1C - 4.8
AST / ALT - 19/11
Needless to say, my physician wants me to start statins, they were tagging me with all kinds of labels like Familial hyperlipidemia. Primary wanted me to start with Crestor 20mg. I negotiated down to 10mg, then I took it down to 5mg myself because I felt very weak when on 10mg and also realized Asians are supposed to start at 5mg dose as recommended by Crestor. I also started serious diet changes that took out red meats and anything that had excessive saturated fat. 6 weeks later here are the results:
TC - 212
HDL - 56
LDL - 142
ApoB - Doc didn't order this
HbA1C - 5.2
AST / ALT - 20/13
We had good results for just 6 weeks, but it wasn't enough as doc wants to get LDL under 100. I know Peter cares way more on ApoB so I was just going to get that at next test. I was bummed that HbA1C went up, but happy to see my liver is handling the statin okay with normal AST / ALT. I requested to add Ezetimide 10mg to the treatment. Research has shown the combination of low-dose statin and ezetimide is more effective than a high-dose statin alone. I posted about this here as well. This is a great way to minimize potential side effect of statins. I figured adding ezetimide will get the final push to lower my LDL to below 100. I stayed the course on exercise and diet changes, still very minimal red meat and saturated fat. 3 months of this, here are the results I just got today:
TC - 114
HDL - 59
LDL - 47 (calculated), 40 (direct)
ApoB - still waiting on this, usually takes 2-3 days extra
HbA1C - 5.3
AST/ ALT - 24/18
Wow... I did not this coming. I genuinely think these are too low at this point and we overshot. Yes I know I should speak to my doctor about this and I certainly will. I am posting here to provide this very interesting data point. I know 1 case isn't enough to prove anything, but for me personally, this proved two things:

1. low dose statin and ezetimide works extremely well, no need to do a high-dose statin like the initial prescription.
   
2. diet has A LOT of effect on lipid panel, especially saturated fat intake.
   

I am now looking to reduce my medication. I know there are two extremes on this sub, one that loves statin and would take the highest dose tolerated by side effects while lowering LDL / ApoB to as low as possible, and the other side that will not touch any medication whatsoever. I'm really in between, I don't mind pharmaceutical help, but rather minimize it if possible. Here is what I think my options are:
A. Lower statin dose to 2.5mg with 10mg ezetimide. I would just cut the 5mg in half or take 5mg every other day.
B. Skip the statin and just take 10mg ezetimide only .
C. No medication at all.
I would do whichever option above for 3 months and test again. I am currently leaning towards option B. Tom Dayspring has said that a higher HDL in the 50-60s could mean someone is a hyper-absorber of cholesterol. Ezetimide blocks cholesterol absorption in the intestines. I know ezetimide has had mediocre effects alone for most people, but it really depends on the cause of high cholesterol.
Ezetimide works very well for hyper-absorbers, which is a low percentage of people with high chlesterol. If my lipid panel shoots up in 3 months, I could always add back the statin by going to option A. Ezetimide also has way less potential side effects vs. statin. Statin has shown to raise HbA1C and potentially AST / ALT. My HbA1C was definitely raised after starting statin, but this could also come from not as low carb as before.
Which options above would you recommend in my case ? (Yes I'm aware this is reddit and I should not seek medical advice here, this is just for discussion purposes for all of us that are interested in this topic and I will absolutely discuss with my doctor)

I've been on a compound baclofen/gabapentin suppository for three weeks now 2x daily. My doctor said it would take a few weeks to work and prescribed them for 8 weeks. I was feeling pretty good for the first week or so, and then I got my period and the pain went back to almost the most extreme it had been during this whole ordeal. The suppositories don't seem to be making a difference so far, but curious if others have experience with this compound and if they saw results eventually?

I have had body issues due to trauma my whole life. I had always thought I was fat but looking back I was always very slim. People always told me k was pretty and could be a model but I never saw that in myself. Growing up in an abusive family, I was put down a lot and had my insecurities used against me. This developed a lot of self esteem issues creating an unsure image of myself. Before dating my current boyfriend, I was with my ex of 13 years who was verbally and emotionally abusive as well. He would call me fat when I wasn’t and then anorexic when I had actually lost more weight being down to 103lbs in my mid twenties. In 2019 we had broken up and even though he was no good for me and I knew that, I had a very hard time with it. I also lost my dad a few months later which I think sealed the deal for what was to come. Covid rules went in to place around this time making it impossible to go get groceries yet Uber eats and things like that were still running to an extent. I lost myself and would order out a lot. I feel like I lost such a huge part of me that I no longer cared about myself and before knowing it I had gained lots of weight.
In 2021 I tried dating again and had no problem meeting new guys. I’m sure it was my personality that attracted them to me which was great and what I wanted however nothing worked out long term. I knew I wanted to lose weight but it was very hard for me and I didn’t even know where to start. I continued dating and said if I found someone who liked me for me now, then I’d know it’s real and would cherish me when I did lose weight. In 2022 I met a guy like no other. I almost swiped left but something drew me to him. He was awesome and so sweet. He was everything I ever wanted in a man and he seemed to like me for me, all of me. Through dating my self confidence came back, if anything it rose and I would actually feel hot and beautiful, something I never thought about myself before. He never put me down, told me my body was beautiful and made me feel amazing but in the back of my mind I still knew I wanted to lose weight. He supported me but told me I didn’t need to lose weight and that I was perfect the way I was. Throughout our whole relationship he would compliment me, making me feel on top of the world. Him liking me for me was a main thing that made me fall for him. I had never felt more comfortable and safe in my whole life.
I ended up getting pregnant and since giving birth, I had lost all my pregnancy weight and I think even more weight on top of that. The other day I was looking at my id from 2021 compared to now and there was such a huge difference in my face size. As of now, I’m about 176lbs and 5”6 for context. For BMI I am 1 point in the overweight mark but I see that as just 1 point over average which I know I can easily get down to. We were having a discussion yesterday and I asked him a personal question about our future, he snapped on me but later told me he wants me to lose weight. This came as an absolute shock to me. Not because I know I need to and want to but that this was coming from the same guy who always praised my body and made me feel like I was beautiful no matter what. It crushed me hearing this though I know it was true. What really got me is he said something along the lines of throughout our relationship he would look at me and not like the way I looked but overlook it. That really hurt and made me feel like our whole relationship was a lie. If so, why did he always compliment my body? Why did he try to make me feel so good about myself? Just the night before I was in the bathtub bent over where my stomach probably looked gross and he randomly came in and whistled at me. When I brought this up to him, he said it was because he thought I looked good. Everything he told me just contradicted each other. He would say sometimes he found me attractive the way I was and sometimes he didn’t like it. I was like so what, do you just pick and choose? How am I supposed to know? He claimed he was just as confused. He also said a few other contradictory things about our relationship, complaining we don’t do anything (we have a small child and no one to babysit) and saying I’m boring however every event, trip, outing was sought out and planned by me alone. So again I was very confused. He was really mean about it all but continued to say he loves me, love our time together, never met anyone like me, sees a future with me. How am I supposed to take all that? I’m not at all making excuses for him but he has been very stressed lately in not finding a job and I can see it’s been getting to him the last few days so I’m not sure if this helped in causing him to lash out at me in any way.
With him saying he wants me to lose weight, it was also confusing to hear as I have spent the last year begging him to help me out in regards to our home life. I struggle mentally but still do everything cool, clean, take care of our baby (he does help out) but he leaves me with so much mental load that I have to think for him. He’s has a task list of things to do for the last two years that he still hasn’t done and I have to keep track of that for him as well as his appointments. Anyone who’s had a baby especially a single mother would know how hard it is to do it on your own, I feel like with him I have another child I have to take care of. The responsibilities in our life are definitely not equal. He gets up, makes himself a big breakfast, has the time to work out and do the things he likes but me, I do a full day of work and when our baby goes to sleep I am completely exhausted that I mostly crash out within an hour or 2. He leaves me no time for myself to work out even if I wanted to and along with the mental load I am just exhausted. I also want to add that I have been having some health issues since the new year and I actually made a few changes. I cold turkey stopped drinking soda and changed my eating habits. He said he was proud of me and how quickly I could do that to take care of myself. But now he’s acting like I’ve made no changes at all even though I have lost weight both since I’ve met him and since giving birth. Of course I want to lose weight but now it almost feels wrong to do so. I don’t want to do it just because he said he ants me to. I want to do it at my own pace in my own way because I want to. It’s always been a goal of mine. And now I feel if I do lose weight and he starts complimenting me, it’ll just be wrong because I will always remember that he never liked me for me. I am already feeling extremely uncomfortable around him and wearing more clothes to hide my body. Also everything now feels like it was a lie so I don’t know how to move forward or if I even should.
I am really just so confused and don’t know where to go from here. Is this a reasonable request or should I move on? Opinions? Suggestions?
*** I forgot to add that he tells me he sees old pictures of me and wants me to look like that though those pictures are 10 years old and I’m not that same person anymore. Of course I’ve grown up and don’t always doll myself up to go to clubs and such anymore. Plus I was an unhealthy weight, you could see my bones sticking out. How should I take this?

This might be a long one, I apologize for the length. Also on mobile, so formatting as well. TL;DR at the bottom
Backstory -
My biological father and I had never been close. I have grown up with 2 stories about my childhood- from my mother that he abandoned me and from him that she kept me away from him.
I’ve accepted the fact that I will never know the truth of the matter and that is okay, but at 18 I attempted to cultivate a relationship with him.
About 3 years later, at 22, I moved in with him (or rather, my great grandmother, he lived with and still lives with her) due to exiting an extremely abusive relationship.
One day, out of the blue he came into my room, yelling at me about how the day before I blew him off. I tried to explain to him that I had gone into work that day (a sales job) to try to close on some deals and he called me a liar, etc etc.
Additionally he made some comments regarding my last name.
I had been adopted by the man I call my dad, and took his last name, got married and divorced and took my maiden name back on - he seemed to be confused as to why I didn’t take back on HIS name.
Anyway, after going around and around in arguments that just didn’t make sense, I felt like I was in a loop; he slapped me, and (this was VERY WEIRD) stuck his fingers down my throat when I was yelling back at him. Eventually he kicked me out; he told me to never tell anybody he was my father.
So I left, changed my number and removed myself from social media - this was about 10 years ago and I went no contact.
During this time, I realized a huge abandonment wound was opened.
On my 30th birthday I sought help outside of traditional therapy and drank ayahuasca after seeing the change within my own mother when she drank it.
We have had multiple ceremonies together, all of which have helped me to diminish the hurt I had been carrying, but not the anger within me.
This month we had a mushroom ceremony together and this finally allowed me to release the anger I had still harbored.
Now:
About 4 days ago, my biological father’s mother found my phone number online from when I was a realtor. Having felt that I had let go of the trauma and pain of 10 years ago, I accepted the call, with a hope that he had done ANY self reflection and told her I would be willing to have a conversation with him.
Last night he called me. I had the phone on speaker with my partner nearby because I know bio dad’s tactics and I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t allowing my ego to flare up and get out of line to make the situation worse.
During the conversation I attempted to see the situation through his eyes and he AGAIN continued the loop of “your mother kept you from me” “you believe everything she says” “you should have picked up the phone, I tried to contact you” and told me that the things within the fight DIDNT happen. It was as if this 10 year old fight, one that I moved on from, happened THIS AFTERNOON for him.
Also during the conversation he mentioned to me that he tells my half brother that he believes me to be a survivor and he, my brother , to be weak, essentially. Why one would say that to their child I cannot comprehend.
After realizing he would never express sympathy or acknowledge any wrongdoing on his part, he asked is I was planning on having children - I am still unsure at this time, but if it happens it happens - and he asked me not to keep them from him. My hypothetical, future children. I told him I could not speak to an event that is not currently happening.
I should have never cracked the door open. I have a peaceful, wonderful, tranquil life and he thrives off of drama, hate and anger.
I am starting to feel anxious that he will expect a relationship between us.
I guess what I’m looking for is - how have others in my situation handled this?
TL;DR: 10 years no contact, father found my number - don’t want a relationship, how to handle?

Hello everyone, I am a 18M turning 19 soon ( Going to University) and the person in question is already 19F ( Not going to Uni because of VISA problem). I have social communication disorder and I’m not particularly good at social dilemma. I have already done a lot of research on how to move forward but I figure I should also post on reddit as well to get some more tailor advice and input from strangers.
There is this particular girl I meet in high school at 8th grade that I really enjoyed talking to ever since I meet her. I really liked her, from our chemistry together to our similar immigrant backgrounds ( I am Chinese who is born in Vietnam, and she is Filipino. We both went to private school back in our country and in similar socioeconomic backgrounds.) to how she looks sort of like me ( Same eyes, same nose, and I also have some feminine facial features). She also are interested in similar subjects as I am, as we’re both into really into Jungian Psychology, and we’re into East Asian pop culture ( Although I am more interested in Anime while she is interested in K-pop). While there is some differences between us, for instance I am more self contained and analytical ( Very INTJ) she is less so and more carefree than I was. Perhaps because we’re very similar to each other but slightly different enough, our chemistry really work well with each other. For instance, I am usually more serious and blunt while she sort of ease the tension a little bit and make our conversation more fun and less serious. Like a comedic duo. I really like her, which is why I confessed to her in tenth grade. I am very cautious and I thought I had great but not certain chance of success, that being said I was aware of the possibility she would rather stay friends. I confessed, gave her the next day to think about it. In the morning, she hesitantly told me she would give me a chance and I was ecstatic. But by lunch time, she said she didn’t want to date me anymore and her reason was that she’s not ready and in the right place to be dating just yet. I was sad and confused as I’m not too well aware what she is referring about but she said no and I still wanted to be friends with her so I said that it’s okay and we can still be friends. For the next 6-8 month we remain friend till the end of 10th grade. She told me she going to a private school, and at that point I thought I understood why she changed her mind at dating. I wished her the best, and said she has my instagram and we could hang out if we’re free. We said goodbye and we never hangout after that.
For almost two year during our 11th grade till the end of 12th grade, I honestly just forgot about her. I was busy with school, made new friends, and don’t really used instagram much and just didn’t really have an interested in talking to her. Life just happens, and I’m not really the person who get attached or fixated on someone and I don’t think she was either. On the 2nd of May 2024 ( Almost a month ago), we just randomly meet each other on a bus. Just a crazy coincidence really, I mean I don’t use SM much and didn’t really tell anyone my schedule so no way she was stalking me. We got talking again and we still have the same chemistry between us, and of course more importantly, she is still very attractive. We’re on friendly term and so I asked her why did she reject me in 10th grade. She gave me the same answer, and I confessed that I felt guilty because I didn’t know she had to move school and it was probably for the best she said no. It wasn’t awkward at all, she smiles a little I think. We kept talking after that, I even got off the bus early to keep talking to her. Then she told me to hide because her mom is really strict about her being with a boy. I thought what?? It’s 2024 and she is 19, what is she on about. But I still complied and there was a rock we just sat on and just kept on talking for two hours until it was dark. I probably could still talk to her another hour or two but she said she had “curfew” and can’t be home to late which I thought was really weird and honestly I didn’t process when she said that so I just replied okay and nod and said I really like talking to her and want to keep talking. But no instagram, I wanted her phone number. She gave me her phone number and we just hugged and said our goodbyes.
We decided next Saturday to hangout, and Saturday came and she had to abruptly canceled it. I told her it’s fine and we can just reschedule it. She left me on read. For two day. I am diagnosed with SPCD ( one way to view it is I have autism but only the social deficit parts of ASD), and I really thought I fucked up. I really start having an existential crisis because in the past I assume people were having a good time when they didn’t. And in my head, I really thought I was experiencing a different realm of reality than her. I thought our entire relationship was a lies I made up and that I had forced her to hangout with me. After all we never hang out outside of high school, she said no to my confession, I followed her out of the bus but she didn’t want me to know where she lived, I was the one who said to hang out on Saturday but she canceled abruptly. I wrote a very long text basically apologising, and saying that it’s okay and I won’t forced her to hangouts. A day later she replied saying oh don’t overthink it, and that she will replied properly. Then a week go by, absolutely nothing. See, what I don’t understand is she doesn’t go to school, has only a part time job, how is she replying so late? Then on the 8th day she replied. She said she is very sorry and that it was unacceptable and gave me the reassurance that I didn’t fuck up. She said she still wanted to see me. We set up another time to meet, over three week since I last saw her. I saw her around 5 day ago, and I went in wanting to ask so many questions but when I saw her, my brain were so conditioned that we just talk like how we always talk to each other. But I did learn one big thing, her family are Protestant Christian. I made small talk about that but didn’t ask any personal question. Then after that we just went to her house, and we just kept yapping and yapping in the living room. We had so much fun, we almost forgot I had to leave soon cause her mom is coming home. But fuck, I was supposed to confront her but we just ended up having so much fun. Idk how to feel anymore, the more I learn about her the more I realised what a pain in the ass she is, and the more I realise maybe I shouldn’t pursue a romantic relationship. I still really like her though…
But I am thinking maybe we should just remain friends, she really is not in the right space to date right now. Beside, I really don’t think she saw me as someone to date, very sad whomp whomp. Thinking of next time I see her I’ll just actually confront and clarify and set boundary in our relationship. If she see me as a friend then I’m happy too, but my penis is not very happy. If she does like me and seek to pursue a romantic relationship then I probably have a lot of work to do.
I don’t know when we will see each other again, I saw her five days ago. After we last saw each other, she said she had a lot of fun :D so I texted that I wanted to see her again. She left me on read for the last 5 days now.
If you guys have any advice, input, comment then leave it down below.

Hi everyone!
Getting back into fitness after a long period away - I've been grinding since December, with downtime due to a knee injury in March, with an escalation of intensity beginning in April and have started to get some basic improvement in the mirror and am 15lbs down (slow and steady I guess..), currently at 185ish from high 190sish
Really been working on my diet in the past month and have been starting to lift heavier as well. My ultimate goal is to be able to run a marathon in October, get back into boxing 2-3 days a week, and be able to play tennis once a week - and to do all of this without getting injured (I feel I am relatively injury-prone and am always "tweaking" something, though never have had a bad injury requiring surgery or anything).
The main point of this post: what are resources you are using to keep yourself injury free? Here are some that I like: -Rotator Cuff Program -Knee meniscus injury program -Neck training routine -Intro to knees over toes workout -my daily stretching routine -Not a video but GET YOURSELF TESTED FOR SLEEP APNEA AND START USING A CPAP IF YOU NEED ONE. First night was like suffocating but since then I've adjusted and it's actually pretty comfortable now and my sleep metrics from my Whoop are waaaaaay improved.
As a bonus, here is what I am currently doing to try and optimize injury while escalating my training, definitely would appreciate recommendations on what to change: -I get 7+ hours of sleep on an average day -I take fish oil daily and get at least 70gm of protein/day -I work out 6+ days a week, on a 3 day lifting split with 1 hour of cardio on alternating days, I unfortunately find it difficult to take rest days because I always want to be doing something for training -I do dynamic exercises before working out and I average like 10 minutes/day of stretching (usually right after a workout) -I do a (typically weightless) version of this rotator cuff routine like 2ish days/week and (typically weightless) version of this knee meniscus injury routine like 1ish days/week. I have been focusing on strengthening my glutes/hamstring and external rotators of the shoulder, my next focus is to start strengthening my core/neck. -currently my knee issues are minimal (though I am always tweaking one or the other of my knees with the pain typically resolving in a day or two), but my shoulders are kind of always sore/irritated (with the pain typically resolving in 3ish days or so). I have worked with a PT on my knee for 6+ sessions and have graduated myself since the knee pain has resolved and an MRI was negative, I am not working with PT on my shoulder at this time.
Any recommendations/input?

I asked for advice a few times from this sub and I just wanted to come back and share how much we loved our visit!
I'm from the US (Florida) and have been wanting to go to Alton Towers since I was a kid playing Rollercoaster Tycoon. I'm also a huge B&M invert lover and horror lover, so Nemesis was my dream coaster and top of the bucket list.
I've been a traveling theme park enthusiast my whole life and I've been over to the UK a few times in my life but never made the effort to get to Alton Towers until this year - honestly so overdue.
We went mid week in late April, away from holidays. The park was generally pretty dead, as expected. We did two and a half days. I'm glad we had that much time as we got to do everything multiple times. Weather was good - cool, and only hit major one rain of the days and only for a couple hours.
Here's my thoughts on each ride (approximately in order of ranking), then I'll talk about feedback on the park overall and the hotel:
Nemesis - Amazing! Loved it, absolutely worth the trip. I adore the horror theme and the scenery is gorgeous. I wish it was a slightly longer ride (of course that's a theme with Alton Towers), so I can't quite say it is my favorite B&M invert overall - I think that title still belongs to Montu. But it is very close and I would say a top 10 coaster overall.
Smiler - Loved it! I was not sure I would as I read many things about it being rough, and I am roughness sensitive. Honestly I can say, I did not find this to be a rough coaster. For comparison, at Thorpe Park, Saw and Colossus are pretty much not rideable because of how rough/painful/headbanging they are. Smiler, no, not at all.
I wasn't expecting Smiler to become one of my all time favorite coasters but I think it did. I heard the front row is the only good row - did not find that to be the case either. The front row is best but it's not by much, I found it to be a good ride in every row. Left me slightly dizzy after each half of the ride, but not in a bad way.
Wicker Man - Loved it! I'm not a huge wooden coaster fan overall because I don't have a huge roughness tolerance, but thankfully Wicker Man is not at all rough. I love the theme and the pre-show. The ride is pure fun. We were lucky enough to get a front row ride which was my favorite.
Thirteen - I think this is overhated - I really enjoyed it! The theme is great (I do love horror themes) and I don't mind that this is more of a family coaster. The only thing I would really want to improve it would be a slightly longer drop and an animatronic instead of a static set piece in the drop room.
Galacticair - Despite never having been here before, I've always thought of this coaster by its original name. Really enjoyed it! I'm not the biggest fan of flying coasters in general, and I think I do like that this is less intense than some of the others.
Alton Towers needs to get on a retheme, scenery, and paint job for it though. It's looking a bit rough and could use some love.
Oblivion - It's a fun drop. The first time I rode it, I was like - I walked all the way through this massive queue line for that? I didn't realize it really is literally JUST the drop. Unfortunately I'm spoiled by having Sheikra at my home park. But the second time riding and knowing what to expect, I was like - yeah, this is a really good drop and the black hole theme is cool.
Spinball Whizzer - It's a spinning coaster. You like them or you don't like them. I like them alright - although Dragon's Fury at Chessington was actually amazing. Spinball Whizzer is alright.
Runaway Mine Train - This is a cute family coaster, good fun. I love the long train. Our ride op sent us around 3 times. Only rode this once which was enough to get the idea but I will definitely ride it again next time.
Rita - This is the only coaster at Alton Towers that I'm not really a fan of. Rode twice, first time back row, second time waited for front row. It's worth the wait for the front row. It's a bit rough for me otherwise. Before coming, I honestly thought - who cares if it's just the launch, I love launches! But for whatever reason this launch is kind of mediocre and then the rest of the ride is somewhere between painful and boring.
Non coasters:
Curse at Alton Manor - Loved it! I'm spoiled having been to Disney/Universal a good bit, and I know Alton Towers does not have the budget to produce the same caliber of dark ride - but Curse is really quite outstanding considering that limitation. Love the theme (as usual with the whole park) and they tell a really good story.
Nemesis Sub Terra - I don't think this deserves all the hate it gets. It's a cool experience - maybe not especially rerideable, and the "ride" portion is underwhelming, but it was a fun one time ride. I do wish cooler stuff happened with the egg. Also, the part where it whips your legs really hurt.
Gangsta Granny - Rode it once, it's very cute considering it cannot be Disney level. I do not mean to sound spoiled and hope that I don't - I just know what is theoretically possible with a dark ride, but given budgets, this a very cute family ride.
Dungeon - Did the London one a few years ago and remember liking that better, but this wasn't bad at all. It was a fun time and I'm glad I did it, especially with the Merlin pass discount. Unlikely I'd spend the time to do it again on a return visit. I know it's closing this summer, not sure if that's permanent, but honestly if it was permanent and they replace it with something else, I think that would be just fine.
Hex - Booooooo it was closed. Gives me something else to look forward to when I return, which I hope to do whenever Project Horizon is done.
Food:
Rollercoaster Restaurant: Did this both nights we stayed here. It was mostly alright, I had a burger that was pretty good. The nachos were a joke. The curry chickpea thing was decent. The gluten free menu was pretty pathetic, but at least they had some options so that my husband could eat dinner.
Middle Eastern restaurant by Wicker Man (I forget its name): This was the only place to get a meal in the park that had GF accommodation that we found. For whatever dumb reason, the chicken and chips that they CAN make gluten free is not advertised that way on the menu. But to their credit, the cook was SUPER good about making sure to cook the meal in a safe way for someone with a gluten allergy.
Ate there twice, and the food was actually pretty good.
My only complaint - both this and the one near Rita sell baked potatoes, which are one of the only things in the park we found that would be gluten free, and both days they seemed to run out of the potatoes at midday. One day, we got the literal last half a potato they had left, and the other, they were already out.
I saw that Alton Towers had a notice up about switching suppliers or something and bringing more GF options to their menus... that's needed. Hopefully next time the situation will be better.
Ice cream by the Curse: Ok, I have to say, I was obsessed with this. The black ice cream in the black cone just made me happy. And it was really delicious. Especially with the toppings even if they kept falling off. Got it two days in a row, would get it every day on a return visit.
Hotel:
Splash Landings: No real complaints here, it was what I was expecting. Certainly didn't need air conditioning for the time of year. The staff was very friendly and they were great about storing multiple bags for us both on our arrival and on our checkout day.
The breakfast was good for a buffet style breakfast. Enough GF options to eat a good sized meal.
The only actual complaint I have, and this one is weird, but true - the shower is terrible. It has a half glass door that didn't lock in place, and the sides of the tub are tall. This is a recipe for disaster as it's very tempting to hold the door to try to climb out of the tub... but it doesn't lock, so if you do that, you're likely to fall and break your head open. And if you don't hold on... well, good luck climbing out of the tall tub with nothing to grip onto. Not even a towel rail.
I genuinely don't know how they went with something this unsafe in their design process. I don't know how people aren't injuring themselves all the time.
Overall thoughts:
It's certainly spread out - I was warned. It takes some hustling to get from one area to another in a timely fashion, but I didn't find it to be too much. It sure would be though in hot weather, I'll take cold any day.
Actually my biggest "complaint" is how long the queues are in terms of - walking forever, often uphill, to get to the ride. I'm used to theme parks that are able to section off large parts of the line when not in use which doesn't seem to happen much here.
Legit, it's a workout to ride Nemesis if it's not busy and all you have to do is walk to the station.
I didn't find the park to be run down, unclean, or understaffed. All the staff was great, and operations were great. Multiple trains on everything despite it not being busy at all.
Overall we absolutely loved our time here! It lived up to my expectations for sure. Nemesis, Smiler, and Wicker Man were my favorite things, but I dug Thirteen and Curse too.
And as I mentioned, Rita is the only ride I didn't really like - from someone who has visited a ton of theme parks, only one dud with the rest of the stuff being quality is kind of rare.
I'm so glad I finally got to visit, and I will absolutely be back. Hopefully Project Horizon actually happens and isn't later than 2026... currently that's the year I'd plan to come back.
Can't wait for my return!

For a little background, my family never went on vacation together. Ever. I didn’t go on a single vacation until I started dating my now husband. My mom was extremely strict and didn’t let me do anything. She would even get angry if I had friends. I didn’t learn how to drive until I was 20 because she wouldn’t teach me. She thought I would try to leave home. She ruined every friendship and relationship I had until I became too old to control and left to live with my now husband. This was around 25 years old. Since being married, she has stopped trying to control me as much, but we still do not get along well. I didn’t get on a plane for the first time until 26 or so and I had never seen the ocean until 28. When I went on my honeymoon after eloping (they did not help with the cost at all), she kept saying how she didn’t have one and made me feel bad. While I was on my honeymoon, my mom, brother, and dad started sending me pictures of them at the place I always wanted to vacation growing up. They had gone on their first family vacation without me and claimed it was the only time they could go. I was absolutely hurt by this but got over it. I believed it was a coincidence. Fast forward a year, I went on a vacation with my husband. My family has not mentioned a vacation since the last time they went together. The day I was driving back from my own vacation, they said they planned a last minute family vacation 8 hours away and didn’t invite me because they “didn’t know when I’d be back.” I told my family multiple times when I would be back and they didn’t leave until 2 days after I was back. I could’ve went or they could’ve waited a week. This is the second family vacation they’ve been on and didn’t invite me. And purposely planned it for when I would be on vacation. They also recently blamed me being on vacation as the reason they needed one? I’m extremely angry this time and feel like they don’t even want me in their family. It seems extremely purposeful to me and my husband is also angry at this. Am I overreacting by feeling angry?