Hey cbse reditooors , this is my first post and wanted help from you guys ,
I am 70-80% scorer and opted cbse +2 . But, This year i thought to take studies seriously and consistently after being inconsistent/absent hona / sare din mjaak krna 🤡.
Pr is baar cbse ka result dekhke lagta 70-80% bhi nhi ayegi (idk ) ( as pr teachers / friends bla bla )
So i have option to go pseb (punjab board ) ( decision should make in next 15 days) ------ there is much different in % .
So , Ptani kya kru cbse me rahu ya pseb krwalu.
Wese meri cbse me 70-80 ager aati hai to kush hun ... Pr yeh bhi nhi ayi to . Seniors ki to gand pathgyi bol rhe .

Attention: A big rant coming your way so dekh lena padhne hain ki nhi
Hah toh background about me I am class 12 student with commerce and maths student IDK it is the best place to talk about things like mental breakdown all. So let's start mere 11th ke exams 14th of March se khatam huye and uske agle din se maine coaching join kar li with all the peak levels of motivations that I could gain from earlier bahut maja ata tha 1-2 classes hoti thee accounts ki ata tha practice karta tha eak alag hi maja aa rha tha april start hote hi maths and eco ki class shuru ho gyi and even school bhi shuru ho gaye. Thoda sa pressure hua but somehow main kafi ressilient rha roj ache se padhta backlog nhi hone deta lekin fir aya mera official breakdoen ka point accounts me test hua lekin number bilkul chude hue aye jisme main padh kar bhi gya frustration hua but koi nhi lekin sir ko dekh ke aisa laga ki yar BC is admi ne toh mere kuch expectation rakhi thee woh bhi nhi puri kar pya coaching me main starting woh overexcited bacha tha joh sabse pehle answer nikalne ki koshish karta doubts puchta and eak alag sa CHIGMA male attitude aa gya tha shayd thodi ego bhi coaching ki ladkiyon se bhi bat hone woh momint hi alag tha jab unhone pucha Ansh itna kaise padh lete ho tum? main toh eak bar hi pigal gya lekin woh hi chutiya reply maine bhi diya arey kha lekin MKC test me gande numbers ane se pura self-respect ki amma behn eak ho gyi and main eak alag hi rha me nikal gya pichle eak mahine se mere me woh Richyard Fenyman wali vibe ane lagi joh koi bhi physics ka numerical aur ghand phad questions bar me jake lap dance lete hu karta tha yah BJ. Lekin BC woh kismat humari kha meyesain muthi baji ki rha me kuch jyada hi age nikal gya rat ko 12 baje muthi marta tha suabh 5 baje uth ke school jata lekin yar woh post nut clarity wala kuch scene hi nhi hua dimag maa ki eyes chal hi nhi rha ladkiyon ke bat karne me eak jijhak. Hah pta hain ki ap koi ayega niche loduuuuuu hilaya mat kar leikin BC 1 week hote hi tharak roof top phad dete hain hormones peak par aa jate hain. Us time pe mera dimag aise trick karta hain ki lodu sun dekh abhi badhiya lag rha hain hain top of the world coaching me ijjat bani hui hain muth mar aur stress bhula de afsos main apne is dimag ke sharyantra me aa hi jta hua (bhayankar rone wala emoji) . Lekin tum soch rhe hoge ki nhi yar isme toh sab kuch theek hain main bat yeh hain ki maine IPMAT ki class bhi join kar rakhi hain toh time ka pta hi nhi chalta aur coaching me downfall hi chal rha hain whi school me comeback lekin wah ka kya hain andhe ghante exam se cum karne se bhi cumbak ho jta hain don't ask me why. Lekin main problem hain coaching eak toh BC joh maine yeh nyi coaching join kari hain sare hi kuch jyada hi ammeri ke ghode lagete hain. BSDK maths ki class me 150 rupee ki coffee lake questions solve karte hain bolte hain "Bruh you know what coffee is the best invention of this humankind I can't fucking imagine a day without it" tab toh indeed bol deta hun lekin man me main bhi bolta hun in bhak bsdk ke. Main toh galti se eak vada pav hi kha ke aja toh mami ko pura explanation dena padhta hain hain ki kyon main is dhuvidha me fassa and ghar ake kyon nhi kha lekin fir woh hi mummiyon ke dialogue paise kya ped pe ugte hain toh jah mere liye bori bhar kar la kaun samajye. Age badhte hain I wish thoda sa mera balance bane and eak kafi possitivity aye academic comebak hoye and female interactions aur badhe. (Kash woh sote huye yeh sochti ho ki yar main kabhi zinadagi me Ansh ke sath betray nhi karungi eak bar uski bandi ban jau toh and Ansh kitna shi banda hain padhta bhi hain topper bhi hain and nerd bhi nhi aur top notch meme language me bat karta hain) Chalo fir bhai ke prathana karne DM karna ho toh thodi der backchodi karte hain stress relief ke liye

I tells ya, so much falls into place here. This comes from Helen Hardacre's book Kurozumikyō and the New Religions of Japan, Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey, 1986. First, some background:

The contemporary religious scene in Japan is commonly divided into the "established religions" (kisei shūkyō) and the "new religions" (shinshūkō). These categories are further divided into Buddhist- and Shintō-derived varieties of each as well as into further subcategories.

The titular "Kurozumikyō" is a Shintō new religion founded in 1814 by the Shintō priest Kurozumi Munetada. As of this publication, it had a total membership of 220,000.

Founded by a priest of the "established" Shintō tradition, it is one of the oldest of the so-called new religions and seems to combine aspects of both new and established types. (p. 3)
THE NEW RELIGIONS OF JAPAN
The new religions and their members represent an important and distinctive sector of Japanese society. In spite of the great variety of their doctrines, new religions share a unity of aspiration and world view significantly different from those of secular society and from the so-called established religions. New religions constitute the most vital sector of Japanese religion today and include perhaps 30 percent of the nation's population in their membership. (p. 3)

A source I read recently noted that the Soka Gakkai grew from poaching members of other new religions; it seems this demographic was the most fluid and changeable of Japan's religious demographic. However, at just 30% of the population, even if the Soka Gakkai had managed to claim 100% of these new religions' memberships, it would still have fallen short of Ikeda's self-defined minimum requirement of 1/3 of the population.

Among the doctrines of the new religions there is great variety, since doctrine frequently originates in revelations to a founder. (p. 5)

Here is the Soka Gakkai's version:

• The enlightenment attained by President Toda in prison is the prime point of Soka Buddhism.

Founders tend to be charismatic individuals who attract a following through faith healing rather than through ordination and textual erudition.

The Soka Gakkai version:

• Ikeda: "Every disease can be cured by Gohonzon!"

Also here and here and especially HERE - DEFINITELY with the "faith healing".
As far as the "textual erudition" goes, Toda's post-WWII lectures on the Lotus Sutra were expected to be accepted as the "gold standard" of textual interpretation, and today, SGI members study Ikeda's lectures on texts rather than the texts themselves - see here and here. Who needs any priest??

The new religions tend to recruit their following through evangelistic proselytization and dramatic conversion, at least in the first generation. They promise followers "this-worldly-benefits" in the form of healing, solution of family problems, and material prosperity. In ethics they emphasize family solidarity and qualities of sincerity, frugality, harmony, diligence, and filial piety. Between laity and leaders there is only a vague dividing line, and for the most part, anyone may acquire leadership credentials, including women. Frequently the new religions recognize no sacred centers but those of their own history. (pp. 5-6)

While the Soka Gakkai initially embraced pilgrimages ("tozan") to the Nichiren Shoshu Head Temple Taiseki-ji, their regular activities were centered on Soka Gakkai buildings ("kaikan", or "centers") rather than on Nichiren Shoshu temples. In fact, this was an early source of conflict, as the Nichiren Shoshu priesthood justifiably questioned WHY the Soka Gakkai was putting so much more effort and resources into building NEW Soka Gakkai centers than on building Nichiren Shoshu temples, which would have been the proper function of any religion's legitimate lay organization. Add to that the bad optics of Ikeda's cult's attempted steeplejacking of established Nichiren Shoshu temples, and there was DEFINITELY something rotten in Denmark, so to speak. The Soka Gakkai's focus was trained on IKEDA rather than on the priests of the order they supposedly belonged to as a lay organization. That's some fucked up priorities and it was only a matter of time before that became an open, obvious problem. Of course Ikeda hoped to delay that reckoning until he was in a position to seize the entire Nichiren Shoshu religion for himself. Too bad, so sad, the Nichiren Shoshu priesthood headed him off at the pass and spoiled all his beautiful plots.

The world view of the Japanese new religions conceives of the individual, society, nature, and the universe as an integrated system vitalized by a single principle. Every level represents the manifestation of that principle on a larger scale. The relationships among the levels, however, are not static. They must be maintained in balance, harmony, and congruence. These qualities are manifested in conditions of happiness, health, social stability, abundant harvests, and regular succession of the seasons (free of such calamities as flood, drought, and major earthquakes). The opposite conditions (unhappiness, illness, social unrest, scarcity of food, and natural disasters) are symptomatic of a lack of harmony or congruence. Everything is interconnected so that a change in one dimension, no matter how small, eventually ripples out and affects other dimensions in a larger context. Religious practice is a striving for continuous integration of self with the body, society, nature, and the universe. This involves careful management of the most basic components: the self, the faculties of mind and emotion, and the personality. (pp. 11-12)

This thinking was the basis for Nichiren's Rissho Ankoku Ron, or "On Establishing the etc. & whatever".
Here is the chart that illustrates this thinking; you can clearly see the basis for "A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, can even enable a change in the destiny of all humankind". There is no scientific basis for this kind of delusion; ignorant people just LIKE believing it. "Look how IMPORTANT and INFLUENTIAL I am!! Everything is all about MEEE!!!" The Soka Gakkai has been in existence (in a continuous state) for some 80 years now; if this sort of thing DID happen, we'd see it. We already know Ikeda had such high hopes for his followers, but the truth is that the membership never lived up to Ikeda's expectations. No "world leaders" emerged from Soka Gakkai ranks; they didn't even become rich! That simply isn't something that happens because of "this practice", no matter how much Ikeda misled all the gullibles. Daimoku is obviously NOT "the perfect solution for all problems".

Although the new religions inevitably adopt the system I have just described, they state it in different idioms. They may use Buddhist, Shintō, or colloquial terms for the self, calling it variously the kokoro (heart-mind or heart), konjō (guts), *reikon (spirit), tamashii (soul), and other terms. Similarly, they may name the principle vitalizing all existence by Shintō, Buddhist, or other terms: kami-nature, Buddha-nature, karma, ki, yōki, and so forth. They may predicate the existence of a variety of supernaturals who exist on a different plane than human beings, intervening in human affairs from time to time. These may be kami, Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, or ancestors. Alien to the system is the notion of a single deity standing outside the whole and manipulating it by means of an unknowable will. The supernaturals of the integrated system are subject to its rhythms and generally conform to its principles. The system is compatible with a variety of cosmological ideas and world pictures, including horizontal and vertical cosmologies seen in Japanese myths and in Buddhism's many-tiered realms of existence. (pp. 12-14)
Because self-cultivation is the primary task of all, textual erudition, esoteric ritual, and the observance of abstinences are rejected or relegated to secondary significance.

Because "Earthly desires ARE enlightenment", right?? And all that other Buddhism stuff, well, that's all obsolete now, "as useless as last year's calendar", right??

The notion of kokoro is a hallmark of Japanese culture, and it is the central pillar of the world view of the new religions. Consider the following proverb, one that could be endorsed by the new religions and is a stock saying in secular society: "Both suffering and happiness depend on how we bear the kokoro." Kokoro is borne or carried in a certain way, good or bad, and according to that we suffer or are happy. We are in control. An ordinary, nonreligious interpretation of this proverb would say that our attitude toward circumstances determines in large part whether we are happy or unhappy, or that an attitude of "positive thinking" can improve our experience of unfavorable situations even if the circumstances are not thereby altered. (p. 19)

You can see Ikeda alluding to this here:

Even a man who has great wealth, social recognition and many awards may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

An interpretation of the proverb among the new religions is likely to be much stronger, to hold that human beings certainly have the power to be happy, depending solely on the manner in which one bears kokoro. We need only exercise that power by self-cultivation.

And remember - NO COMPLAINING!!

Moreover, the idea that circumstances can be changed by the power of diligently cultivated kokoro is pervasive. It is a question not only of a change of attitude but sometimes of radical material change, such as an improvement in economic situation or a miraculous healing. It is understood that the cultivated kokoro has the power also to change external persons and events, and that nothing is impossible. Exercising the full power fo the kokoro is possible for anyone who practices self-cultivation through the spiritual disciplines of the particular religious group. (pp. 19-20)

Isn't that the whole basis for the idea of "human revolution"? How else could anyone understand "You can chant for whatever you want!"? Don't the Dead-Ikeda-cult SGI culties love to talk about "making the impossible possible"?? Hmm..I wonder why they never do...🤨
Here Ikeda likens the Soka Gakkai practice to the magic lamp of the "Aladdin" story. And it only works for Soka Gakkai members, of course.

We chant to make the impossible possible, we want extraordinary, not ordinary. Let's get those benefits flowing, let's appreciate those challenges that allow us to grow and win and share those victories with others so that they can be inspired and win. Source

While the terminology of the self is basic to understanding Japanese constructions of self, the patterns of action and affect in which these are embedded constitute the functioning of the world view of the new religions. Here I identify four such patterns:

(1) the idea that "other people are mirrors,"

(2) the exchange of gratitude and repayment of favor,
(3) the quest for sincerity, and
(4) the adherence to paths of self-cultivation.
So much for the supposed "novelty" of Dickeata's supposedly eternal "clear mirror guidance", eh? Oh, and EVERYBODY owes Scamsei and the SGI their eternal gratitude, too, and you NEVER EVER get to finish your "human revolution" ("self-cultivation")!

Each of these patterns represents an indispensable element of Japanese culture, and thus their implementation in Japanese religions is not unique. (p. 21)

Nope. The Soka Gakkai is just bog standard for a Japanese New Religion. Nothing unique or special. Just like all the rest.

The idea that other people are mirrors makes the individual totally responsible in all circumstances. Although the burden is heavy, there is also a tacit message that the self can control any situation. Placing blame and responsibility on the individual also denies the idea that "society" can be blamed for one's problems; hence concepts of exploitation and discrimination are ruled out of consideration. On the whole the new religions are uninterested in political action to improve society; to them it is a question of individuals improving themselves individually and collectively through self-cultivation. (p. 23)

Remember, this author ISN'T talking about Soka Gakkai here! This a feature of ALL Japan's new religions!

Since self-cultivation is the primary determiner of all human affairs, notions of fate or divine wrath (karma or bachi, for example) are reinterpreted, ignored, or denied.

Or introduced when necessary to blame a member when the promises of SGI leaders are proven empty and false. It's always the MEMBERSHIP's fault somehow, never that the teachings are wrong or deceptive.

In like manner, because of the primacy of self-cultivation, the concept of pollution cannot be fully credited, and this opens the door to greater participation by women than is the case in the established religions.

In the case of the Soka Gakkai, "greater participation by women" has been implemented as "greater exploitation of women". The women of the Soka Gakkai were expected to deliver daily newspapers for no pay throughout the Soka Gakkai's history; it is only recently that their numbers have declined so catastrophically and they have aged so much that the Soka Gakkai finally had to contract with a delivery service - which of course Soka Gakkai has to PAY now. Newspapers are SO much more profitable when you can find some suckers to deliver them at no cost to YOU!

Thus the new religions stress unquestioning performance of their established disciplines, fully aware that the demand for uncomprehending obedience (at least iat the beginning) will cause the convert frustration. Also involved as a minor theme is the pedagogical principle that "physical action can be perceived as isomorphic with spiritual change." Thus, for example, polishing floors can be assumed to "polish" the self. If one enters through form, eventually the kokoro will follow.

Speaking of exploiting women, who else heard that when women were cleaning the toilets for free at the local SGI center, they were "cleaning their karma"??

The hardship entailed is not to be avoided; no one denies that it is punishing to polish floors by hand, recite sutras, or endure cold water ablutions. Hardship in itself is virtuous and confers compassion and maturity.

Isn't that the essence of SGI's much-vaunted "youth division training"? Basically, it's SGI leaders getting off on forcing young people to do all sorts of scut work and to engage in unpleasant activities just because they can - somebody has to do the grunt work, right? Make THEM do it! Tell them it's "training" when actually it's just training them to allow themselves to be exploited. For a funny example of this attitude, see how this colossal doofus was trying to cajole and coerce his employee into joining SGI before he aged out of the youth division, so he could get him some of that gooooood "youth division training"!!

Meanwhile, now I worry about Chad, who has only a few months left to obtain YMD training, to whom I had to slip September Living Buddhism under his door, since his subscription is on the internet, and I want him to start working on the Introductory Exam material. Yesterday he did not answer or reply when he was supposed to be at work. (He is paid per day of work from his home.) Today when I arrived he was not even there. So I have been chanting for his welfare. He recently reported to me a medical difficulty he has that may be interfering with his efforts, or worse.

That's ONE way to duck an annoying self-important SGI stalker-nag! "Sorry, can't talk - have the plague..."

All the new religions agree that a person's real potential cannot be fulfilled without suffering, and in this they share with secular society the suspicion about someone who has failed that perhaps kurō ga tarinai, "the person hasn't suffered enough." That is, if one had endured sufficient trials before the present ordeal, one could have conquered this hardship. Accordingly it is important to establish how much leaders and founders have suffered in the course of their own self-cultivation. (p. 28)

See More myths about how the young Ikeda suffered so much and was so sickly wah wah

All problems can be traced to insufficient cultivation of self. Thus it is misguided to expect fundamental social change from political ideology. Instead, society can be improved only through collective moral improvement, the doctrine of meliorism. Similarly, attempting to cure disease simply by treating the body alone is useless. Healing can come about only through rededication to ethical values; hence medicine is effective only in a provisional way. Education and secular achievements apart from faith and cultivation of self are houses of cards, castles on sand. Accordingly, media-sponsored presentation of thoroughly secularized views of life are disapproved. (p. 14)

You can see the clearest examples of this thinking in the teachings of Ikeda and the Soka Gakkai from the 1960s, before people understood how immediate and pervasive "political ideology" could effect fundamental social change, as in the US when the anti-race-mixing "anti-miscegenation" interracial marriage legal prohibitions were swept away in the US Supreme Court's 1967 judgment on "Loving v. Virginia". That changed society more fundamentally and pervasively than any religion's doctrines that people's "hearts" must be changed FIRST before anyone could hope to see societal change realized, or in the terms above, "collective moral improvement". No. Remove unjust laws and establish penalties for behaving unjustly, and voilà! Society changes!
See SGI is actively OPPOSED to social justice and thus will NEVER contribute meaningfully to world peace and More on why SGI will never make any significant changes to society.
Back when Japan's medical system was primitive, with limited availability, the new religions advertised "faith healing", as seen above and here. But as medical care improved and, most importantly, became widely accessible, that became people's healing option of choice, so the new religions (and all the rest) had to drop it as a selling point, because nobody was buying it any more. Within the ignorant and indoctrinated ranks of SGI members, we can STILL see claims of "faith healing"; they apparently don't realize this isn't a compelling sales pitch any more. Except that in house, the superstitious, magical-thinking culties still eat it up with a spoon 🙄
But you can see Ikeda here explaining that medicine is unnecessary to treat various ills; there must be a "faith" component or the treatment will inevitably be ineffective. OR that having faith will make even a nonsensical nontreatment effective! Also slamming medicine as harmful and condemning members as somehow "deserving" of terrible illnesses.
And remember when Ikeda told "girls" they didn't need to go to college? That was fun. And how Icky denigrated university graduates??
Let's not forget how the Soka Gakkai has always been anti-union and has never established any charitable services anywhere, not even for the needy within its own struggling membership.

Lacking justification for a strong differentiation between the religious lives of priests and laity, the tendency to make the laity central is strong and pervasive. (p. 14)

This was a primary issue within the Soka Gakkai that festered until Ikeda brought it to a full boil out of his obsessive desire to BE the object of worship. The Soka Gakkai/Nichiren Shoshu alliance, while expedient for the Soka Gakkai and undeniably profitable for Nichiren Shoshu, was nonetheless an uneasy alliance, given the Soka Gakkai's defining characteristics as a "new religion" and Nichiren Shoshu's "established religion" status. Those two simply don't mix. Especially on this last point, you can see that it is a characteristic of a "new religion" to have the fundamental attitude that "priests are unnecessary". Ikeda simply wanted to USE Nichiren Shoshu for his OWN convenience, in service to HIS plans, instead of directing the Soka Gakkai to function as a legitimate lay organization whose focus was their religion, Nichiren Shoshu. Ikeda made it all about himself and his goal of maximizing his own power and control. Ikeda was never a religious person.

MY STORY I WAS A AVERAGE STUDENT DID 10TH THROUGH CBSE GOT 85 PERCENT THEN FUCKING IDK WHY DIDNT GO TO ANY COACHING AND GOT ADMISSION IN DUMMY 11TH AND NO ONLINE COURSES THOUGHT WOUD DO WELL WITH TELEGRAM CONTENT FAST FORWARD 2 YEARS DIDNT STUDY SHIT SOMEHOW PASSED 12TH THANK G NOW INITIALY THOUGHT TO TAKE A DROP YEAR AND GAND FAAD STUDY KARENGE KUCH TO KUCH MIL JAEGA BUT AB NAHI LAGRAHA KYA PATA AGLE SAAL 17LAKHS JEE DE. SO I AM ASKING WHETHER SHOULD I TAKE A DROP OR NOT OR GO TO ANY PRIVATE COLLEGES BUT AGAIN GAREEB HU TO TATTI S COLLEGES HI MILENGE UPTO 6LAKHS ME KYA MILEGA. JEE DIYA THA TUKA BHI NAHI MARA KI NEGATIVE ME NA CHALJAYE MARKS APNE KABR TK LE JAUNGA. YA OTHER OPTION IS TO DO BSC YA BCA YA SOMEHING IN AGRICULTURE

So everyone here has given jee right(Not for neetards).
So basically i want to educate ya'll a bit so you don't regret later because im in NIT Bhopal CSE and most of you guys don't know the reality of colleges so i must give you an insight as a senior.
So i was a 2023 jeetard and at that time i had a choice of NIT bhopal Cse or NIT allahbad ece or IIIT Gwalior.
To basically NIT's me na purana syllabus follow hota h. For me mujhe apne first year me carpentry, physics, chemistry, environment studies jese gande subjects pdhne pde jbki me CSE me hu but IIIT me starting se hi coding krwaye h. So if you're interested in coding like me NIT is not that good for you.Also IIIT me kam bachhe hote h plus sablog coding krte h faaltu ki mechanical wgerah branch nhi hoti so achha environment mil jaata h. agar overall college experience chahiye. Life enjoy krna h so NIT jao. Placements dono jagah k achhe h bas NIT me mahol nhi milta pdhne ka distractions bhoooot zyada hote h trust me.
Aur IIT mil rha h to lelo(mere case me i was pretty sure mujhe IIT nhi leke NIT/IIIT CSE ya IT leni thi so mene wo li ,apna apna way of thinking hota h but yeah i hope i helped you gain insight)
Best of luck for advance

Context : Depressed dropper with insomnia taking melatonin gets 95.4 in first attempt, falls to 93.6 in second, with his last attempt being 2024, has no hope in himself and no confidence; in all darkness he unleashes anti trauma and starts being hyper optimistic. I could only study for 3 hours on day 1. 5 hrs 15 sth min on day 2. 5 hrs on day 3. 6 hours 7 minutes on day 4. 6hrs 11 min on day 5. 6 hrs 13 min on day 6. 6hrs 23 minutes on day 7. 6hrs 30 min on day 8. 6hr 10 min on day 9. 5 hrs 21 minutes on day 10. 7 hrs 33 min on day 11. 7hrs 3 min on day 12. 4hrs 16 min on day 13. 8hrs 10 min on day 14. 6hrs 8 min on day 15. 8hrs 1 min on day 16.
And.....today I studied for 8hrs 17min. First off, IIT Express of CHEMICAL bonding is absolute dogshit. Sakshi man is a good teacher and the rest of the videos are golden but her chemical bonding is pretty shit. Don't watch it please. I did not really revise definite integrals today. Kabbadi khel ke aa gaya uske sath. Revised rotation and holy fuck😭😭😭 I do not really have conceptual errors but the silly mistakes oh my absolute fucking lord. I CAN solve PYQs(most of the pyqs - source ABJ sir ka session part 2 vaise) par behenchod kaise revise hoga meri ma chud gayi hai. Maths mein cutoff na clear ho de. Chemistry mein madarchod kitna revise karna hai behen ki Lodi physics hui hai fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fukc fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fic ufckbcjskuwhe he bhagwan. New strategy. I am making chemistry my prime subject and aim for roughly 140 Mark's. Give me a day or too and I can absolutely have fuck organic in its ass and I would only need to read a few notes after that. Inorganic ho jayegi qki I have covered basically everything there I just gotta revise and I am revising like one hour of inorganic everyday so in 13 days pretty much sub rat chuka hoga (kafi had tak ho gaya hai). Same cheez merko organic ke sath karna hai. I am targeting 70 Marks in chemistry, 30 Marks in Physics and Maths (matlab basically cutoff par ho jaye). If I just focus on Physics main usko bhi kheench me 50 pe shayad le aun lekin fir that would jeopardize maths an possibly chemistry. I intend to fully hone in and do mock testing to be be sure of this stratagem. In chemistry it is enforceable and in physics to some extent as well(tho it may take 4-5 days for me to actually start mock testing physics) but maths bro.....yahan cutoff clear karne ke lale pade hain. Vector 3d kar liya hai. Definite integration kar hi liya hai(revise karna hai adha is madarchod ko) ab kya karun time hi kitna hai aur Roj madarhcod kuch naya ho ja raha hai. Aaj mehman bula liye and I had to entertain him and he is sleeping with me today snoring as hard as he can. Behenchod 8 ghante se jyada padhna hoga bhai 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I am going to fail and anxiety hits. But I will face the gut punch regardless. I am doing it to learn. I have to never stop working hard. Bros. Working hard is a skill. I have to be skillfully at that. Varna tukke se iit ho bhi gaya to vahan jake muth marna padega bas mehnat nahin chutni chiye to I will keep working hard as fuck. Advanced prep ka momentum I will carry over for iat, then bitsat. Varna lateral entry. Behenchod gate nikal dunga. Gand mar dunga behenchod. Peace out. 2:22 am, 13 may.

Yaaar this is just a vent u dont need to read it mei sabse jhut bol bol ke thak gyi huu ab bus ab sab sach likhna hai akhri baar So meri journey chalu hoti hai 9th se mummy ek din aise hi puchti hai konsi stream legi and i had no idea about it matlab ye sab cheezo ke baare mei pata hi nahi tha never ever cared to know about aage ka, meine kahan pata nahi dekhenge bhai ne bola arts le lena and mummy ne gusse se bola arts nahi legi ki wo option hi nahi hai and i am a very rebellious kid thus fir mei bhi bolne lagi ki haa arts mei kya problem hai blah blah but then 10th end ho gya and mera confusion bohot jyada badh gya i could not choose between sci,comm,arts i just couldnt say ki ye ek cheez karni hai my thinking was ki abhi tk inme se kuch try nahi kiya toh choose kaise karu it was also related to guilt nahi chahiye future mei so bohot bohot socha aur fir mummy ne bola sci safe option agar accha nahi laga to "stream switch" wala bahana diya and i was okay with it kyunki i couldnt choose then waise mujhe maths bohot pasand tha school se hi so 2nd reason mummy ka ye tha, then started 11th mei bohot serious thi ki jo bhi karungi best banungi ussme so isiliye i had decided i will give my 100% if not enough 200%, starting mei achhe se religiously padha marks bhi theek thak the the problem that happened in start was mei chutiya coaching mei chali gyi the problem was with the crowd it was so dumb and not serious, mere marks theek thak the fir bhi meri class mei rank 5-6 thi imagine and ye sirf start mei nahi hua pure do saal yahi hota raha mei gande marks laati thi but fir bhi wo mere peers se better the toh mei delusion mei rahi ki i am also topper jab ki mei nahi thi, 11th saare lecs attend kiya did not even miss a single lec and carefully listened all of them then aaya 12th it kind of gave me reality check ki mei kahi stand nahi karti and i aggressively started solving diff types of books like literally dc pandey hc verma and sbt ke ques karti thi of the same chap but again the problem was saare nahi kar paati thi only some sums i used to do and never did it in time bound manner, still uk what i got selected in the toppers batch i wasnt even a topper T_T it was just relatively i was better than my classmates for eg; mujhe mains wale mock mei 139 aaye the toh baaki ko 120-100 range mei so ofc i was not good but i was just better than others, ab iss toppers batch mei aane ke baad aukat pata chali i was constantly scoring less marks generally i was the 2nd last or last in the list eventually i got removed from it baadme aaya october syllabus was over and i was all set ki revision karungi oct mei and then mocks from nov onwards meine toh test series bhi le liye the allen and fitjee ke, but my procrastination kicked it i stopped studying uske baad classes bhi band ho gye the so puri tareeke se padhai band hogyi thi i mean ek sec bhi padhna chhod diya tha meine mujhe fomo hone laga tha kyunki literally i had given up on living life for 2 years meine padhai ke alawa kuch nahi kiya na movie dekhi na logo se baat ki na khelne gyi na kuch celebrate kiya no functions nothing pura isolate kar diya tha and one day mere friend ne status pe rakha tha ki uska bday hai and i was baffled kyunki mujhe toh yaad tha ki abhi kuch dino/mahino pehele hua tha naa 1 saal kaise hogya and that moment changed me, mujhe kuch jyaaddaaaa hi fomo hone lag gya tha i thought ki mei kya baat karungi logo se ki jab badi ho jaaungi mujhe toh pata hi nahi hoga kya hua inn do saalo mei(tabhi mujhe ye realise ho raha tha ki ye baate itni imp nahi hai but my inner self could not accept it it was enough for her) so meine movies dekhna chalu kar diya literally koi bhi bakwas si movie jo bhi youtube pe available ho kyunki mere pass koi prime ya netflix nahi tha then it was dec mei pura dec fifr movies and yt shorts scroll karte rehe gyi then jan same routine drr hi nhi lag raha tha mujhe idk whyy, kuch ig 3 din bacche the mere 1st attempt ko i started to get scarred i started to revise everything day and night mains ke pehele puri raat soyi nahi revise kar rahi thi and then gave mains got 75%tile and the main thing is nobody knows all this stuff thats happening they think i gave my 100% but the truth is i gave up in the end i didnt try at all in the last, then came the bad news uk what i started to watch porn yaa i am fully wasted person, so backstory i was introduced to porn by my friend in school and i told her i will never watch it and dusre dost ne bola tha ki wo mujhe porn dikha ke rahega and i used to tell him it wil never happen but unfortunately it did happen and the problem with it was it entered in my life at wrong time i was already lonely and miserable and thats why i started watching porn starting mei it wasnt addiction but lately it has started to affect me badly meine mains ke baad naa hi boards ke liye padha naa hi second attempt ke liye and i have not revised since so many months just counted 6 months i have not studied a single thing, i have no college and i have no backup, parents ameer bhi nahi hai naa hi business hai humara i am fucked in life i blame myself for it fully i deserve all the loneliness and isolation i am a toxic person who should not live i cant do one thing properly i cant control myself i cant do anything i dont have any talents but i do have many things that interests me but i have no hope from life currently, was suicidal rn so thought i could vent out all and feel lighter and yes i am feeling lighter idk kya hoga mera but lets see what happens i have alot of dreams which are unrealistic thats why i need to live to complete those, now slowly i am getting back on track although i waste alot of time still of reddit and youtube but still i am now consiously trying to reduce it and study again i need to get a college this year i cant take a drop my mental health wont support that decision of mine sooo peace out byee idk maybe i wont come on reddit after this or probably i will(99.999% i will itna self control built nahi hua hai) There's a lot more to this but i cant type each and every thing but atleast while writing i recalled those things thankss ps: there might be errors but who cares i aint going to read it again neither should u read it

I've already made a detailed post on all the Punjabi words for More/GreateZyaadaa
This post is for words that mean A lot/Many/Very/Enough
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Vaahvaa / واہوا / ਵਾਹਵਾ
Urdu/Hindi: Boht / Kaafii / K'haasaa
^{Used in both Punjabs and is used throughout most dialects. A few Jatki areas may not use it, but as you will see, throughout Jatki/Shahpuri this word is common North West-Punjabi dialects use it. I have first-hand experience from Hindko/Pothohari/Dhanni In the East this is treated as a Majhi word \}Malvais and Doabis, please confirm])
Jatki Punjabi Drama: "Vaahvaa Saara Gohst SaTaa Lai-ni, Changgi BaryaaNi PakaavNi Ae" Sargodha Punjabi Vlogger: "Vaahvaa DihaaRay Ho Gaye No" (Kaafi Din Ho Gaye Hai'n) Mandi Bahudin: "Video Vaahvaa Koi Doo'nh-Triiu'nh DihaaRay Diiyaa'n Vehda Pyaa'n" Hafizabad Jatki Punjabi: "Jitthay Aah Vaahvaa PinDaa'n De Chhohr KabaDDi-ShabaDDi KheyDday Paye Haaye" (0:56) Sahiwal Jatki Punjabi: "Gobhi Taa'n Vaahvaa Phull Chaaii-KhaLii Ae" (Chakkii-KhaRii) Mandi Bahudin: "Eh Gall Ae Jado'n Pakkhnu Gallaa'n Karday Haan, Vaahvaa PuraaNi Gall" Eastern Punjabi: "Tey Sukkhaa (Bhangg) Peetaa Hovay Vaahvaa Saaraa" Eastern Punjabi: "Aah Taa'n Vaahvaa Changga Ho Gyaa BhaiNay!" (Boht Achhaa)
Some Phrases:

1. Vaahvaa Changgaa Hoya! (Sarcasm: HuN Aayii Chass!?)
2. Vaahvaa Chir Ho Gyaa Vaa (Boht Der Ho Gyii Hai)

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Western Punjabi: Bateyraa / بتیرا / ਬਤੇਰਾ Eastern Punjabi: Batheyra / بتھیرا / ਬਥੇਰਾ
Urdu/Hindi: Boht / Kaafii / K'haasaa
Mandi Bahudin Jatki Punjabi: "Aah Chhohr-Chhaahr Bateyray Ne" (3:12) Hafizabad Jatki Punjabi: "Unj Taa'n Inhaa'n Kammaa'n Ch Bateyraa Mall Honda Ae" (3:00) Jhangochi Punjabi Drama: "Bateyraa Keetaa Ae, HuN Nhi Meray Kolo'n Honda" Eastern Punjabi, Satinder Sartaaj: "Asii'n Rabb To'n Batheyrii-Vaari Manggay" (Boht Dafa) Sargodha Punjabi Comedy Reel: "Mein Bateyraa Kookyaa Aa'n"
A good phrase:

1. Bateyrii-Vaarii (Kaafi Dafa/Boht Martaba)

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Western Punjabi: Bahoo'n / بہُوں / ਬਹੂੰ Eastern Punjabi: Boh / بوہ / ਬਹੁ
Urdu/Hindi: Boht
Jhangochi Punjabi: "Bahoo'n Keetaa Ee?" (Boht Kiiya Hai?) Jhangochi Punjabi: "Ohnu Na Pata Laggay, Oh Bahoo'n DaahDa Ae" Sargodha Punjabi: "Bahoo'n Dukkh Laggaa" Sargodha Punjabi: "Bahoo'n Bhalla Hovay!" Chakwal Punjabi: "Tey Bhukkh Bahoo'n DaahDii Laggi Ae" (Boht Zyaada) Chakwal Punjabi: "Gall SuNo...Bahoo'n Koi Pesay Pichhay Lagg Gaye O?" Pothohari Punjabi: "Oh Yraa Jul! Bahoo'n Gallaa'n Na Kar!" Pothohari Punjabi: "Mein Bahoo'n DaahDaa Pareyshaan Yaa'n, Samjh Nhi AsNi!" Jhang legend Mansoor Malangi: "Bahoo'n Pyaara Lagnaa Ai'n Shafqat Nu!" Coke Studio Famous Song: "Keetaa Mein Tenu Bahoo'n Pyaar Ae" Chachi Attock Dialect: "Bahoo'n SohNaa" (Boht K'hoobsurat) Punjabi Drama: "Tenu Taa'n MuRHkay (Paseenaa) Bahoo'n Lahnday Payin!"
East Majhi Good Speaker: "Social Media Da Jamaana Vaa Gall Boh Shheyti Pheldi Aa" Eastern Punjabi Singer Nirvair Pannu: "Boh Vaddhiiya!" (Boht Khoob) Eastern Punjabi: "Boh Boh Svaagat Aa Saaryaa'n Bhraavaa'n Nu" (Theth Punjabi is not Svaagat, it's Jee-Aayaa'n-Nu, used in both Punjabs)

When the Seeker of Truth instills contemplation of the truth in their heart, during separation [from the Beloved], remembrance of the truth gives them rapture. Then, this remembrance of the truth leads them towards the pleasure of familarity and unites them with the essence of truth.
-Makhdoom Mahmood Mastwaar Qalandar
Book: Asrar-e-Mastwaar
Urdu: Talib-e-Haq jab apne dil mein Yaad-e-Haq ko basa leta hai tou firaq mein Zikr-e-Haq use maza deta hai, phir yeh Zikr-e-Haq use lazzat-e-ashnai ki taraf le jata hai aur phir yehi Zikr-e-Haq us ko Zaat-e-Haq se mila deta hai.

Assalamualaikum
After watching Raftar documentaries on Karachi, I'm really keen in knowing the gruesome history of my lost Karachi.
I'm a college student urdu speaking boy aur Karachi se mohabbat he lekin yaar bohot dukh hota he. Phr jb mene documentaries dekhin karachi par (which are very less) itna dard hota ke kese talented lrke like Faheem commando who was like the epitome of bravery (was a champion in swimming, black belt in karate, profound in academics) was turned into a mqm hitmen. There were also talented people who were literally wasted because of this.
This ends not there. Even abhi tk, bhaiiii itne talented lrke milte hein yaar mjhe kasam se ke thori si support mill jaaye kahan se kahan pohonch jaayenge. Babu 7t, the infamous rider, thori si support milti international street racing wagjera kuch mein zindagi ban jaati usski but he ended up dying in a street race.
Why? Like why you did this to my city. Balochistan ke baad Karachi is the place that has suffered the most. We gave you beaurocrats, we gave you taxes, we gave you itne behtareen log like junaid jamshed, umer sharif, and whonot.
Sub chhorr kar if I become selfish and talk about my ownself, Mjhe aur meri family ko khud badle mein mila kiya he? Mere dada hijrat krke aaye, mere parents aur subne jado jahad krke apne balboote par aage barhe. Mere bhai ko junoon ki had tk shouq tha doctor banne ka 1 saal pehle mdcat itna corrupt he woh to alag baat, punjab se logon ne aa kar karachi ki seats khareed li thin. Mera bhai doctor nahi banega. Mere bhai ki classmate who had straight As and As usska tk borderline par jaa kar kisi uni mein hua. Mere abbu ke business par FBR ne penalty lagadi chhoti si baat par jo ke easily resolve jo skti but for the sake of *modern day bhhatta abhi tk abbu ke accounts seized hein. Na roads hein, na transport system, na koi poochhne waala. Kbhi bhi koi bhi aa kar mjhe goli maar kar chala jaayega. Police se shikwa krne jaao mjhe jail krdiya jaayega. Ek mqm bani thi awaaz lekin hamaari awaaz ne hi hamaara gala ghhont daala. Sub skilled urdu speaking are going abroad. Mere sheher ka kiya reh jaayega.
Mera sheher ek ghulaab ki maanind tha. Sub khushbu soongte rahe, kisi ne paani daalne ki zehmat nahi ki.
Aur kitna roun mein? Kon ponchne wala he? Kon poochhne wala he? Lgta he apne hi zakhamon se mein maara jaaunga. Mjhe marham ke bajaye zeher diya jaa raha. Mjhe haath ke bajaaye dhhakka diya jaa raha he. Mjhe galon ke bajaaye dhhoka diya jaa raha he. Karachi was a place where the princes used to spend their vacations at. Karachi was so beautiful, WHY??? JUST WHYY?
It was like a enchanting pearl in the shore of a black sea giving light to places far burried in the dark. As soon as the storm came in, everyone left. The pearl left all alone. Now that pearl has lost all its shine and glory; now it has become just a mere stone.
The bullet has penetrated. The fire has burnt. The dagger has stabbed. Ig this is where the baghdad gets sacked. There's no going to be revival. I think I might just also have to pack my bag and say my farewell.
Sub Karachi ke hein lekin Karachi ka koi nahi.
P.S. the only solution I realize now is Khilafat.

Assalamualaikum
After watching Raftar documentaries on Karachi, I'm really keen in knowing the gruesome history of my lost Karachi.
I'm a college student urdu speaking boy aur Karachi se mohabbat he lekin yaar bohot dukh hota he. Phr jb mene documentaries dekhin karachi par (which are very less) itna dard hota ke kese talented lrke like Faheem commando who was like the epitome of bravery (was a champion in swimming, black belt in karate, profound in academics) was turned into a mqm hitmen. There were also talented people who were literally wasted because of this.
This ends not there. Even abhi tk, bhaiiii itne talented lrke milte hein yaar mjhe kasam se ke thori si support mill jaaye kahan se kahan pohonch jaayenge. Babu 7t, the infamous rider, thori si support milti international street racing wagjera kuch mein zindagi ban jaati usski but he ended up dying in a street race.
Why? Like why you did this to my city. Balochistan ke baad Karachi is the place that has suffered the most. We gave you beaurocrats, we gave you taxes, we gave you itne behtareen log like junaid jamshed, umer sharif, and whonot.
Sub chhorr kar if I become selfish and talk about my ownself, Mjhe aur meri family ko khud badle mein mila kiya he? Mere dada hijrat krke aaye, mere parents aur subne jado jahad krke apne balboote par aage barhe. Mere bhai ko junoon ki had tk shouq tha doctor banne ka 1 saal pehle mdcat itna corrupt he woh to alag baat, punjab se logon ne aa kar karachi ki seats khareed li thin. Mera bhai doctor nahi banega. Mere bhai ki classmate who had straight As and As usska tk borderline par jaa kar kisi uni mein hua. Mere abbu ke business par FBR ne penalty lagadi chhoti si baat par jo ke easily resolve jo skti but for the sake of *modern day bhhatta abhi tk abbu ke accounts seized hein. Na roads hein, na transport system, na koi poochhne waala. Kbhi bhi koi bhi aa kar mjhe goli maar kar chala jaayega. Police se shikwa krne jaao mjhe jail krdiya jaayega. Ek mqm bani thi awaaz lekin hamaari awaaz ne hi hamaara gala ghhont daala. Sub skilled urdu speaking are going abroad. Mere sheher ka kiya reh jaayega.
Mera sheher ek ghulaab ki maanind tha. Sub khushbu soongte rahe, kisi ne paani daalne ki zehmat nahi ki.
Aur kitna roun mein? Kon ponchne wala he? Kon poochhne wala he? Lgta he apne hi zakhamon se mein maara jaaunga. Mjhe marham ke bajaye zeher diya jaa raha. Mjhe haath ke bajaaye dhhakka diya jaa raha he. Mjhe galon ke bajaaye dhhoka diya jaa raha he. Karachi was a place where the princes used to spend their vacations at. Karachi was so beautiful, WHY??? JUST WHYY?
It was like a enchanting pearl in the shore of a black sea giving light to places far burried in the dark. As soon as the storm came in, everyone left. The pearl left all alone. Now that pearl has lost all its shine and glory; now it has become just a mere stone.
The bullet has penetrated. The fire has burnt. The dagger has stabbed. Ig this is where the baghdad gets sacked. There's no going to be revival. I think I might just also have to pack my bag and say my farewell.
Sub Karachi ke hein lekin Karachi ka koi nahi.
P.S. the only solution I realize now is Khilafat.

Just gave my last serious exam , ts eamcet yesterday and I fucked up , time management ne le Li , 160 questions in 180 mins with that lengthy maths wasn't my cup of tea , i didn't even give enough full mocks and now i regret it
I told my parents that I'm preparing for many exams , ye karte karte main exams jisse hope hai vo gande chale Gaye to? And they just laughed.
I've 65k rank in mains 11.5k in viteee Gave ugee , smallest chance of clearing cutoff And i feel like I've wasted the 2 years of my preparation,I feel like I've lost in life. Bohot empty feeling aarahi hai , no purpose jaisa. My parents are not that fond of drop but if I convince them thode time mein Maan jayenge. Rn they're searching for private colleges to join, but I don't want to join any private colleges,, fees is also an issue for me and that's why I was really hoping of doing good in eamcet as they have low fees.
I think I will eventually end up being a dropper because I know I am more than this and feel so disappointed in myself ki how did I end up in this situation.

kahīñ saaqī kā faiz-e-ām bhī hai kisī shīshe pe merā naam bhī hai
vo chashm-e-mast mai bhī jaam bhī hai phire to gardish-e-ayyām bhī hai
navā-e-chañg o barbat sunñe vaalo pas-e-parda baḌā kohrām bhī hai
mirī fard-e-junūñ pe ai bahāro gavāhoñ meñ ḳhizāñ kā naam bhī hai
na pūchho bebasī us tishna-lab kī ki jis kī dastaras meñ jaam bhī hai
mohabbat kī sazā tark-e-mohabbat mohabbat kā yahī in.aam bhī hai
nigāh-e-shauq hai gustāḳh lekin nigāh-e-shauq kuchh badnām bhī hai
nigāhoñ kā tasādum kis ne dekhā magar ye raaz tasht az baam bhī hai
I tried knowing the meaning of all words but I’m still clueless as to what the poet is trying to convey. It would be great if someone wrote the meaning, thankyou!
There are no direct translations on google either and I don’t know urdu letters to use google translate…. I have come across this poem on Rekha Dictionary!

Wanted to discuss and share some useful information about freelancing in Pakistan.would also request you guys to share relevant information/advices/suggestions. Ma sha Allah im surprised to see ke itnay log freelancing kerrhay hain Pakistan mai where they have projects form international companies etc. wahi per ye bhi dekhta hun ke boht se log jo boht achi kamai ker saktay hain and they can actually start a professional career from freelancing, unhay ya to pata he nahi hai. Ya wo idher udher ki bato mai phasay huay hain. There are thousands of niches, graphics designing, article writing, web development, data entry, kuch bhi utha lo yaar. You can learn it from YouTube. For example graphics designing ke liyay "GFX MENTOR" ke naam se YouTube channel hai pakistani banda hai, and his page is all about tutorials in urdu. Ye samjhna ke market mai is talent ke boht se log hain ? To mujhsee kou kyun kaam kerwayega ? Bro trust me. Kerwayega aur tumse he kerwayega , you just have to believe in it. Niyat kerlo pakki, seekho aur paisa kamao 💯
Freelancing websites: Fiverr.com Upwork.com

Context : Depressed dropper with insomnia taking melatonin gets 95.4 in first attempt, falls to 93.6 in second, with his last attempt being 2024, has no hope in himself and no confidence; in all darkness he unleashes anti trauma and starts being hyper optimistic. I could only study for 3 hours on day 1. 5 hrs 15 sth min on day 2. 5 hrs on day 3. 6 hours 7 minutes on day 4. 6hrs 11 min on day 5. 6 hrs 13 min on day 6. 6hrs 23 minutes on day 7. 6hrs 30 min on day 8. 6hr 10 min on day 9. 5 hrs 21 minutes on day 10. 7 hrs 33 min on day 11. 7hrs 3 min on day 12. 4hrs 16 min on day 13.
And....today I studied for 8hrs 10 min. Yes. Madarchod I got past the 8 hrs bar. Ab 9 ghanta + consistently before Advanced gand mar deni hai padhai ki fir chahe Advanced hi gand mar de. Will never give up. Kal ek din mein madarchod Definite Integration kha jaunga.

Woh dono bande
Ek Jeeneetard wala aur ek woh jiska papa lawyer haan. bhai yeh dono bande got everyone in chokehold but the thing is ki
Woh Jeeneetard wala banda has correctly guessed Jee aur ICSE k results and now he says ki CBSE ka result 10th May main ayega, dekha Jaye toh usko trust kiya ja sakta haan since iske abhi tak saree guess sahi the
Whereas jiske papa lawyer han, He gave his mobile number in reddit sabke samne and even made a bet dekho abhi I'm not saying ki he's probably the correct one but aise openly number kon dalta han apna, uske liye guts chahiye hota haan tho he says ki Result 19th May k baad ayega, which is a little too late mtlb itna late toh CBSE nhi karne wala.
Abhi bhai tum log suno pata nhi han kon correct han kon galat haan but tum log acha hope karo positive socho sabke ache marks ayenge, chinta maat karo. Gand meri bhi fatt rahi han but matt socho yr

Just realised lamba chavda likh diya- Jinka exam hai kripaya kripaya karke na padhe apni padhai par dhyan de. unless break liya ho.
raat ke 2:15 baj rahe hai. and this thing is stuck in my mind since morning. mene series of bad decisions liye hai. like offcourse not resisting like mujhe engineering nahi karni , iske upar kuch karano wajah se drop lena aur bhi bahot hai, saare padhai related bhi nahi hai lekin sabse ganda drop wala tha. mujhe vet banna tha ik its yuck for some people lekin, dheere dheere i understood its the same shit as JEE tough ahhh competition everywhere. not for me. mein drawing mein bhi kaafi accha hu, mujhe banna tha ek architect, gharwalon ko lagta hai architecture is useless bruh like actual architect banne ka sapna hai mera, chalo sahi yeh nahi toh nahi commerce? NEIN Lmao
Drop year ke shuruvaat mein he mujhe malum tha nahi hone wala mujhse yeh :) jihne real interest hai IIT NIT's mein jaane ka woh tak reh jaate hai peeche. mene toh sapne bhi nahi dekhe inke lmao kyuki karni he nahi thi eng.
ab anyways drop lene ko keh diya, PCM mein daal diya, Coaching mein daal diya. itna sab kara toh karna padega hem mujhse hua nahi kuch :) 70 percentile aayi last year iss baar 70 aur second pucho na toh sahi. Though mene try kara JEE maths accha karne ka kyuki B.arch ka paper bhi dene wala tha diya bhi. Did good in drawing but idk I fucked up maths sincerely.
mere parents mujhe kitna bhi ganda score aa jaaye kuch na kehte literally. Reason is they tried for few exams and failed back in their times. and yeh jo kuch nahi kehne wala part hai it hurts more then anything. Gaali dedo toh bhi chal jayega, silence is really loud ff's
Ab mujhe really nahi pata mujhe kya karna chahiye like koi carrier switch bhi possible nahi hai. Engineering is the way now, mera cet 11 ko hai. I don't know mein kya he karunga. Pura burn out ho chukaa hu. upar se mental health ke jo actual dragonized lode lage pade hai woh different. Pata nahi kitne number aayenge ya kya, I gave mocks scored decentish or even bad for few but its relative (90-110 never more then this and less then 90). mene mera part kara sahi se sahi - Chem and maths ke 22,23 pyqs kare saare ke saare physics reh gaya though lekin koi ni gand maraye. even if i fail to score good i won't feel shit bas decent sa score aa jaye bas like 90-94 ke beech mein khushhh aaye aaye nahi aaye nahi aaye. mujhe cse bhi nahi chahiye- abhi ke liye only mechanical interest me a little kyuki mene curriculum dekha uska (mere ke cousin se pata chala sab kuch) and this is the only thing that interests me.
But life is straight up fucked. nahi mila accha percentile toh yaha local mein CSE ya entc se kaam chalana padega since there is no point in spening ONE SEXTILLION DOLLARS on a tier 55 college. Abhi ke liye i will have to stick to engineeing kyuki yahi plate pe khana dalega aage masters wagera bhi karunga since abhi toh chud gaya huuu :).
Drop na liya hota* toh aaj dost jo yahi local college mein hai unke saath admission le leta, toh i would have been much more happier atleast. khudke interest explore karta, drawing banani aati i would have worked on acrylic painting, portraits yeh woh. yeh saal jo mental health ko chot pahuchi hai that is ahhhhhhhh i don't even know what to say. Interest nahi bacha kisi mein, chalta firta laash hu bas lol.
Laptop leke balcony mein baitha hu garmi ki wajah se, planes revise kar raha tha, suddenly yeh dimag mein explodeee jaisa kar gaya ab type kar raha, Subah se su!cdeee contemplate kar raha, ro raha hu literally idk what have i even become its not academic thing lmao, gand maraye result gand maraye sab kuch 50 percentile bhi aa jaye toh i will not feel sad, kyuki kari hai mene mehnat. maths pura ragad diya chem pura ragad diya with pyqs, lack of revision is gonna fuck me prolly lekin abhi ke liye fuck it. lekin depression kaccha chaba jaa raha. na kisi mein interest hai na kuch. my mind is playing both teams- ek kehta hai pagal hai kya bsdk ? jindagi bahot choti hai, yeh sab mat soch ek kehta hai mar ja bhai life toh waise bhi suffering hai. I am damn sure i will not KMS lmao, because i am a pussy to do so and i have constant hope of things will get better. bahot dino se i didn't see anything get better isi wajah se thoda kam ho raha ispe bhi bharosa lekin again i hope things will get better :))))))
am not bluffing on depression part- actually diagnosed hu moderately depressed, many personal reasons led to this.
JO BHI DROP LENE KA SOCH RAHE HAI PLEASE I REQUEST YOU- PEHLE KHUDKO PARKHO, TUMHARI MENTAL HEALTH KAISI HAI YEH DEKHO DON'T BE STUPID AND TAKE DROP AGAR TUM ALREADY DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS HO. IT'S A FRESH START FROM BASICS- LEKIN JUST LOOK BACK AT YOURSELF 2 YEARS AGO AND SOCHO KAHA GALAT GAYA MEIN ? MUJHE SAMAJH MEIN TOH SAB AATA THA GALAT KAHA GAYA? IT MIGHT BE LIKE PROBLEM SOLVING KAM KARI YEH WOH. LEKIN AGAR LAGE- YOU TRIED YOUR BESTT I MEAN BESST AND STILL FAILED, YOU CAN GO FOR DROP THOUGH, KEH RAHA TRIED YOUR BEST. (mIGHT KEH RAHA). SOCH SAMAJH KE LIYO DROP PLEASEEE AUR LIYA TOH KOI KASAR NA CHHODO WARNA, EK SAAL BAAD JAB TUMHARA EXAM HOTA JEE NEET CET KOI BHI USKE 3 DIN PEHLE TUM AISA RANT TYPE KAROGE 😭

Dekho Mai na ek bohot avarage baccha hu jiske 9th me sirf 50-60% bante the kya bolu average se bhi gaya gujra but the thing is ki abhi mereko Lana tha 60% at least because 9th final I got only 50% atleast 10% extra is mandatory and 60% is the least you must get or you are a failure (for society) to maine bohot try Kia and ho gaya mera mai expect karke baitha ki chalo 60 jitna ko kar lia maine meri duty Puri agle din result hai news sunke gand phat gayi pura rat nahi soya mai my thoughts were ki agar just in case 60 se kam aa gaye to kya karunga and all but jab 10:59 ko Mera alarm Baja to I was scared to death phir Maine website khola refresh Kia and all and guys meri akhon me asu nikal jate but control Kia maine I scored 75.4% in top 5 and 73.33% in total bohot thak gaya hu ye sab se ye society wagera but sahi bolu to ye marks society ki hi den hai abhi mai commerce kar raha hu
And a reminder chemistry ki mkc uski mkb sala randi subject ☺️
Edit-: Jo bkl 90 lake ro rahe hai to yad rakhna Ghar akke marunga 🙏 Edit 2-: jiske 70 se kam ayye bkl tum ho failure to rand Rona band karo aur actually padho 12th accha secure karna hai (no hard feelings)

Im a pcmb student given both neet and jee (please gali mat do muzhe force kiya gya tha jee ke liye parents se ) jee m 87 percentile ayi h neet ka pta nhi meri gand fat rhi h marks count krne m or muzhe lg rha h ki mera nhi hoga. Isliliye maine Jee advance ka form bhar diya h in order ki bhai bhagwan ki krupa se kuch acha college mil jaye pr bc merko maths nhi ati h
To plz jeetard walo agar koi exam h engineering se related Or abhi registration chalu h to bta do tumhara bhala hoga
Kuch inappropriate lg rha h to maf krna phla post h reddit m (using since 2yrs but not posting)