Birthday day keyboard symbol

TW: Self-harm
Lately I (18F) have been getting worse again.
My life is supposed to be great, I'm graduating high school and my finals were good. My friends are good, I was good. But lately everything's been going wrong. It kinda started the day after my 18th birthday. We have an exchange student (16F) at ours, she's great and I like her. But her family (they're French) invited us to Paris the day after my birthday. I get that it's a big thing and I was really really grateful, my family wasn't too stoked since they're workaholics, but we managed. At first we didn't know when we would go, but then they planned on the day after my 18th birthday. I wasn't included in the conversation, I wasn't told until a month prior.
I tried to be happy, but I've kinda had a traumatic history with the French language in school and also in an aborted exchange year and so, it's a long story, but French just kinda triggers some really bad memories. Anyways, the day after my 18th birthday we had to wake up at 4 am to head to the airport. I felt like I couldn't enjoy my birthday. It was supposed to be my day. I wanted to go out with my friend (18F) but my parents said I wasn't allowed to be tired or hungover or anything. So I just kinda spent my birthday packing and in my room. And then the day first day in Paris I figured that my exchange students family was all about hard-core sightseeing. I was tired from waking up early and I drove 2 hours in the morning and couldn't get any sleep on out trip. So I was moderately grumpy, but the first day of three I kept it together. The second I kept it together until dinner where I just needed a rest. My family and the exchange students family wanted to see Sacre-cœur but I asked if I could just head to the hotel since I barely slept because I needed to share a room with my brother (20M). Long story short my dad yelled at me in the restaurant and told me things along the line of he doesn't know what went wrong with me. Good news was that I went to the hotel after to cry. Next day they acted as if nothing happened but when I said I want an apology from my dad, my mom said she had enough of me and told me the minute I get home I was supposed to pack my bags and leave, or I behave the rest of the day. That last day we went on the highest tower of France for lunch. I have a crippling fear of heights. I was sick just sitting up there, not even eating. When we got home, I think my parents forgot about kicking me out.
Since then I've been a bit worse. I wasn't bad yet, but I was exhausted all of the time. I've been diagnosed with depression, so I understand that I needed to take things slow and slowly build myself back up. Last week was my last school day and I got wasted, but I also started vaping again. Little backstory, I was addicted to them a few months back and 10 months clean. But yeah, that happened.
But this week, I had finals and I was exhausted. I am exhausted from having back to back exams, and my mom, the exchange student and me were supposed to watch a movie in the cinema today. But my mom is exhausted from work so she's been on edge, and most of the time, I get the short stick and she yells at. This time she yelled at my brother, so when everyone left and I helped her do the dished, I said she was being unfair to him, even though him and I are barely talking and we agreed on no contact as soon as someone moves out, it was unfair how she yelled at him. I tried to be civil and told her she didn't have to watch the movie with me and the exchange student, I'd handle it, and she said she wanted to and she'd just sleep during the movie. I tried to keep cool, I tried but she kept saying things that hurt so I wanted to distance myself from the situation and said I'd just go watch another movie. Then she said I should just stay home.
Then I took all my stuff into my room, all the little decorations for pride month I was really excited for, and I started crying. Then I took out a razor blade and started cutting again.
I was 2 months clean.
I didn't cut in Paris, I didn't cut at any point but today I broke and started again.
I'm now in my room, the argument happened less than half an hour ago and I think I'll stay here for today and probably tomorrow. I have like half a packet of wasabi peanuts and water. Don't know what to do now tbh.
So yeah. I relapsed on my two addictions.

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

My first reddit post, hope you guys go easy on me.

1. Her

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end

Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.
Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

Recently I've realized how reluctant I always am to comment or interact on any social media. I am generally pretty introverted but outspoken in real life. I'm not afraid to let my opinions be known, I'm also quite blunt with them in most cases. I don't actively seek out interaction and conversations but I don't shy away from them if someone else starts one. I'm very talkative with people who are close to me. I'm a gemini and I will always be extremely chatty when I'm comfortable.
Though, recently I've noticed how I hesitate to interact anywhere on the internet. Mostly because I've been wanting online friends for years. I think it has something to do with being perceived and judged even rejected maybe, specifically by unknown forces (people) typing away behind a screen. Also something to do with perfectionism on wanting to present myself and be seen in a certain way?
I just became hypersensitive to knowing I'm being seen and perceived even in everyday conversations as I usually run over every interaction almost obsessively laying in bed the night after.
The best way to describe it is like your words getting caught in your throat except it's literally my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Words flying through my mind but me physically too frozen or stuck to type anything. If I do type it out I just go back and delete everything before I can even post.
How do I stop this? I don't want to keep being invisible. Even now, I'm considering whether or not I should even post this but I'm gritting my teeth and doing it anyway hahahahelp.
I want to just take the leap of faith but there's a part of me that's tired of always having to be brave. Even though that usually results in me just feeling isolated and lonely as an observer when I just want to participate. I just want to make friends. It's a constant tug of war and it's getting more crippling by the day.
Does anyone have any tips?
P.s. Sorry if this whole post is wrong in some way, it's literally my first time posting anything on reddit lmaoo.

I am leaving a late in life 3 year relationship because the ex wife is still very much in the picture. Yes they have kids but the kids are 26 and 29 years old. He says they talk all of the time because of the kids. She constantly needs stuff to be done around the house and he jumps to do it. Every birthday, holiday, family dinner...she's there. The speak almost every single day. And she is the first person he texts on the morning. They have been divorced for ten years. And I like her. But!!!! I am having these gutt wrenching pangs...alarm bells really, that they need to get the family back together. He cheated and that's what why it ended. My red flags are flying so high and I can't get around it. I just would like for them to back off a little but he absolutely refuses. Until I left. And now he's willing to bend. The thing is, it feels way too late. I'm heartbroken but it was starting to feel like I'm the girlfiend. And she's still the wife. Wondering what others think. Please don't tell Me to get over it. It's a hearwrenching decision.

A few weeks ago, my second son was born. He was somehow born on the exact day my 1-year old was born. I thought this was just a neat coincidence, and joked about how much money we would save on birthday parties.
My wife however is taking it a lot more seriously. She’s set on the idea of raising our two boys as twins. She’s always wanted twins and she said the fact that they were born on the same day is a sign from God.
She says if they were raised as the same age they would be able to go to school together, having each others backs and believes that they would be closer as twins rather than siblings.
I told her I’d rather not psychologically torture my son for the rest of his life, but she’s adamant that we will tell him when he grows up and it’s only so he can be closer to his brother now.
I also brought up that they clearly do not look the same age, and she says by the time they’re 1 and 2, no one will be able to tell the difference.
Does she have any sort of point?

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

Hi everyone!
My name is Darren, the owner of research-i (www.researchi.co.uk), one of the UK's leading playtest recruitment agencies. We have a central London playtest coming up, for which we need PC gamers who are comfortable playing with Keyboard & Mouse, aged 18+, and have experience with 'Survival' games. This opportunity involves testing a yet-to-be-released video game for our client and providing valuable feedback.
Details:

• Who: PC gamers aged 18+
• What: Testing an unreleased survival game and providing feedback
• Where: Central London
• When: Wednesday 12th or Thursday 13th June 2024
• Time: 10am-5pm
• Payment: £150, processed remotely by bank transfer on the same day

If you're interested please feel free to apply and if you meet the criteria and are selected, I'll be in touch to give you more details.
Here is the link: https://www.researchi.co.uk/projects/RI884-pc-survival-game-test
Thank you!
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My 2 little sisters and my younger cousin all have birthdays within a month of eachother (april 27-june 4) They have always had a joined birthday party. The party is today. A few days ago my old babysitter contacted me asking to babysit her daughter, while her and her husband go to the OBGYN. My mom and I figured out how to get me there and back. The only problem is that i would be 5-10 minutes late. My great-grandma does not like this. She thinks that i shouldn't be skipping out on my sisters/cousins party, even though i would not be too late. She's also mad that my mom is late too as it's her daughters birthdays. I don't think I'm the the ahole as my old babysitter really needs the help, and whenever it's a family gathering for christmas or birthdays we are all sperated doing our own things for like an hour.

My sister (39) and I have a birthday party for our 12 year old niece this weekend. My sister says she may not come because our other sister scheduled the party during my sisters sons (2) nap time.
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous she’d miss the party because of nap time. Adjust your schedule for one day in my opinion but I dont know I don’t have kids.
WIBTA if I tell her she’s being pretentious?

I have so far been up all night as I can’t fall asleep for nothing. I have been stressing so much lately and there is nothing that can ease the stress.. on top of the thoughts of what can happen to the baby long term medical wise from all this stress. It’s honestly so much eating away at me and I just don’t know what to do with these thoughts. I am going to just write away everything that’s been eating away at me.. that is why this is going to be very long as it’s been a lot so far… I got off birth control in December as life was going amazing and it was giving me awful migraines as I was rearing my third year being on nexplanon. I knew that there could be a possibility of getting pregnant and honestly with how life was going the thought of potentially getting our boy as we have two girls right now was really exciting me. I have been working from home and recently got a huge raise and things were looking great. A month after getting off the birth control I started feeling weird, that intuition feeling came. Shortly after, my job that I had been with for almost 3 years randomly lays off a lot of employees including me with no notice or anything. I thought it would be a long term job but they eventually grew financial issues. Of course I didn’t want to abort this baby just because my job laid me off. I am a very independent person so of course I would do anything to make sure me and mine are straight. I start back doordashing full time from 9 am to 9 pm and I stay an hour from the nearest city so the stress of wear and tear on my car has always scared me but you gotta do what you gotta do as a parent. Of course they say I’m eligible for unemployment and I’ve tried endless times to file for it and they always denied me due to work searches as I wasn’t applying to the right places when I was applying EVERYWHERE. No matter what I put. Every week would get denied cause of this and the phone number is impossible to reach someone. So I’ve given up on unemployment. We lived off of our tax return plus DoorDashing which I really wanted to save this money. The work search has been so stressful. I got a seasonal job and did amazing at it working up to 18 hours overtime one day but they over hired people so there was way to many people to consider hiring everyone full time so once it ended less then a month of working there that was it. Until I got a call from my dream job which my mom and my bf mom both work there and it pays way higher then what I’ve made on top of providing a hybrid schedule too. I felt it was a stretch applying but my resume looked really good so I went for it. I got an interview with them and the interviewer loved me and said he felt really confident in me and would like to offer me the position. Of course I’m overly excited cause this is my dream job. After filling out the onboarding and going to scheduled onboarding appointments they state there was only one issue stopping my onboarding which was a previous account with them that had restrictions on it that I was not aware of. I trusted the wrong “friends” back in high school 7 YEARS AGO with my personal information not knowing any better and they did fraud with my information and of course it fell back on me. I even paid back every owed penny from the fraud to clear my name to move on from that mistake. They never told me they also proceeded to put restrictions cause of it. So my onboarding was put on hold until I handled the restrictions. Fast forward a month later of struggling making ends meet. We have no more income tax money.. but at least I finally receive a response saying the restrictions would be removed. So finally we receive great news. I let the people know and they proceed to let me know that someone will reach out to me in 5-7 days and it has now surpassed that time frame with no response and I am just so scared that they won’t follow through.. It is now June and I have been struggling to get a full time job since February and I am holding onto the little ounce of hope that this job will follow through like they said… Holding onto that ounce of hope as doordash grew very stressful I decided to pull all of my retirement out from my previous job to put into savings in case we need it for an emergency especially if the car were to go out on us. on top of our apartment lease renewal coming up. We did NOT want to renew the lease because this apartment has treated us HORRIBLY since we moved in. We came from a clean bug free apartment due to the rent randomly increasing twice since we moved in it and moved 30 minutes to be closer to my OLD job and his family. We moved into this apartment because I had a work friend refer it to me saying it was her first apartment and she fell in love with it. Not knowing we were going to get the worst apartment building probably out of the whole complex. Since we moved in we could not look at the apartment until after the lease was signed and given the keys. We moved ONE box into the place and came back days later to move the rest of our stuff. We moved that box and SO MANY roaches scattered from it and we knew instantly we got played and that now all of our things were going to be roach infested now. Fast forward almost a whole year later we have tried endless methods to get rid of them such as boric acid, orthene, endless traps, endless raid bottles, ONTOP of the apartment buildings monthly pest control coming in doing whatever they do and WE STILL HAVE THEM. No matter what we do they are not leaving as I believe even tho we try different methods it won’t matter if everyone else in the building aren’t trying to get rid of them. They are probably being constantly rotated between the other apartments around us so it’s useless. I DO NOT WANT TO BRING MY NEW BORN BABY INTO THIS APARTMENT. On top of all the plugs in the walls has blown in the living room. I let the landlord know about this and they sent there only technician to check it out and they didn’t know what they were doing. They switched the power surge switches on and off and it fixed the plugs but they proceeded to go back out the next day. We haven’t even been there a year and the refrigerator has been tearing up like crazy. The whole bottom of it has ripped off cause apparently the adhesive is so strong when closing and opening that it slowly tore its own frame off. We had to use gorilla glue to glue it back on and it’s so far worked. On top of the rims around the door got so many rips in it. The door holders on the fridge can’t hold anything heavy or else the whole shelf falls off same as the door handles on the freezer so we have to carefully move things around it and put only certain things in those spots or else it’s all going to the floor. The first red flag of the apartment is there are no washer and dryer hook ups and that is honestly the least of our problems with this place.. the bolts on the dish washer are so tiny and unscrewed with time and randomly the whole dish washer completely fell down from being poorly connected to the counter. Whenever you open it to put dishes in you have to hold the racks or else the whole dish washer will fall forward and they will roll out with all the dishes in it. I’m so over this place and we have BEEN ready to move out. So once the 30 days came up I contacted the landlord about the 30 day notice that we were going to move out before the lease renewed. She proceeded to tell me with no emotion that they required a 60 DAY notice in advance prior to our lease end date and that our lease already renewed for another YEAR. She didn’t even try to help us out and did not provide any kind of notice or reminding about the 60 day notice. She just kept repeating that we signed the lease and it is written in the lease. She said if we move out we will be responsible to pay the months rent for each upcoming month until a new tenant moves in and takes over the lease which is very unlikely as they have full control on whether they want to move someone new in or continue to bill us the monthly rent.. So now we are trying to figure out how we are going to work out this New obstacle/road block and I am already halfway through my pregnancy. All of this stress has been eating me alive for the whole beginning of my pregnancy and it ALL came out of the blue. This is not how I pictured being pregnant with my third baby and I feel completely miserable right now. I am struggling doordashing all day just waiting for any kind of good news. We are thinking about ditching this apartment and going to stay with my mom until we find a full time job to afford a new apartment as we just want to start the process of this landlord potentially searching for a new tenant to take this burden off of us. We do not wish to pay two apartment rents as my credit is amazing and I know if they put any of this apartments owed rent when we move out on my collections it will ruin my credit.. we have been growing it for when we are ready to get our first home. So I know not paying it is not an option for me. I’ve just been wishing this ongoing nightmare will finally come to an end and I can finally receive any kind of good news. I was sooo excited about this pregnancy but now I have zero excitement for it as I have been through endless stressing and roadblocks the whole pregnancy so far. I am afraid that this stress and pain will affect the baby long term.. I do not wish to bring this baby into this apartment as I fully wish to be in a new upgraded apartment bug free when the baby comes in October my birthday month.. It’s just super hard holding onto any kind of motivation right now and the pain is slowly eating me up inside.. I just really needed to get all of this off of my chest and hopefully maybe I can finally get some sleep right now. If you read all of this.. thank you for listening and all I can really say is check on your people cause you never know what they could be going through as life can hit so random at times..

I had a revelation this morning, and it may sound strange but it has been a huge blessing, a lifting of spiritual oppression.
I have been lamenting my father's rejection for two years now, ever since he told me he doesn't like to speak with me. I've struggled with feeling guilt, shame, unworthiness, abandonment, etc. This morning I practiced more deeply than I ever have accepting that my father lied to me and doesn't want my company. But then I realized...
My dad never claimed to like me! (Ok, that's the part that sounds strange or bad to most people, but is a huge relief to me, because) which means in that regard he never lied to me! That is so powerful to me in a bizarrely comforting way because it's obvious he loves me even though he doesn't like me. There are plenty of people in the universe I wouldn't be friends with even though I strive to love every single one of them. This just happens to be my earthly father.
And this revelation moves me into an acceptance of reality rather than an acceptance of fiction, which I had been inadvertently practicing before. And boy oh boy, if God has taught me anything it's that accepting reality is infinitely better than accepting fiction.
Thank you, Lord, for this dose of beautiful clarity, and very well-timed for Father's Day and his birthday.
(Note: the evidence for his loving me and the evidence for his not liking me are abundant and overwhelming, so there's no need for third-party challenges to these conclusions.)
I no longer feel rejected because nothing really changed. He didn't one day like me and the next day dislike me. He and I just aren't meant to be friends - different personalities, different interests, different views, etc.
If I were to tell myself my father rejected me, then logically I'd have to claim that every single person who doesn't want to be my friend also rejects me - including plenty of people who love me in one way or another.
And that worldview is both depressing and false, a whisper of my enemy, the father of lies.

I had a revelation this morning, and it may sound strange but it has been a huge blessing, a lifting of spiritual oppression.
I have been lamenting my father's rejection for two years now, ever since he told me he doesn't like to speak with me. I've struggled with feeling guilt, shame, unworthiness, abandonment, etc. This morning I practiced more deeply than I ever have accepting that my father lied to me and doesn't want my company. But then I realized...
My dad never claimed to like me! (Ok, that's the part that sounds strange or bad to most people, but is a huge relief to me, because) which means in that regard he never lied to me! That is so powerful to me in a bizarrely comforting way because it's obvious he loves me even though he doesn't like me. There are plenty of people in the universe I wouldn't be friends with even though I strive to love every single one of them. This just happens to be my earthly father.
And this revelation moves me into an acceptance of reality rather than an acceptance of fiction, which I had been inadvertently practicing before. And boy oh boy, if God has taught me anything it's that accepting reality is infinitely better than accepting fiction.
Thank you, Lord, for this dose of beautiful clarity, and very well-timed for Father's Day and his birthday.
(Note: the evidence for his loving me and the evidence for his not liking me are abundant and overwhelming, so there's no need for third-party challenges to these conclusions.)
I no longer feel rejected because nothing really changed. He didn't one day like me and the next day dislike me. He and I just aren't meant to be friends - different personalities, different interests, different views, etc.
If I were to tell myself my father rejected me, then logically I'd have to claim that every single person who doesn't want to be my friend also rejects me - including plenty of people who love me in one way or another.
And that worldview is both depressing and false, a whisper of my enemy, the father of lies.

Even if i press the button on my keyboard it doesn't send me to the next day, please help

I cant get it on. And it was okay couple days ago and i cant get it turn on today. The keyboard lights are on, fans are spinning, and it just wont turn on. My monitor is okay and ive checked ram and the gpu which is both fine what could be the problem? The symptoms are The fans are spinning, monitor is saying its going into a power saving mode and the fans just stops and it wont turn on.

I've known this girl for about a decade, I had a crush on her in high school but it passed because she had someone. We lost touch after a while and then found each other again. She had a boyfriend but the relationship was toxic and they were always leaving each other, then we got closer even though there was nothing between us, we behaved like a couple, cuddling, holding hands all the time, calling each other to sleep and so on. When I started to have feelings, I told her and she said she felt something too, but that she needed time to heal. I stayed close to her during that time.
During this time, we stopped flirting together but she always called me to sleep. Her boyfriend broke up with her in January and a guy came into her life 1 week after and they are together 3 weeks after the breakup but she was still missing her ex
Since then, I've suffered enormously, we don't go out together anymore, we don't keep each other informed about our lives, when I ask her out she always has some excuse. Our relationship has really gone to shit and I find myself begging to spend time together like before. But then again she's always busy, we didn't even spend time together for her birthday.
I feel I'm hurting and jealous of this other guy, I'm mad at her for flirting with me only to find out that she's not interested in me.I care a lot about her, but I'm becoming toxic towards her, demanding attention. Every weekend I feel lonely and I know she's going to ignore me again (because yes we still talk 5 days out of 7 and then every weekend she ends up not answering me even in the middle of a conversation).We used to go out every weekend but not anymore, I feel like I've been replaced by a guy in the space of 3 weeks.
And now she often doesn't respond me at all and we don't go out anymore
I ask you, what should I do for my well-being?

Another weekend where my husband had to go alone on a trip because I had to stay home with our 4.5 year old daughter. Because she was too scared to go.
She was all for going, we were keeping our expectations low, it’s a small birthday party for my husband’s friend who lives 5 minutes walk away from us. My daughter was fine in the morning, saying she wanted to give the present to my husband’s friend, she was told I would go home with her when she wanted, all was good. As soon as it was actually time to leave, she started freaking out. Screaming, throwing her toys, repeating “I don’t want to go! We have to cancel!”. So we sent my husband along and now I’m spending the day cleaning the house. It just makes us so sad. All the potential fun she misses out on. And also sad for myself as well - I wanted to go to the party! Some of my husband’s friends joke that he has made me up because they’ve never met me 😅
We are connected to a psychologist who will work more with our daughter in August/September, and do any testing he deems necessary. So far his thoughts are anxiety caused by high intelligence and sensory issues (we are working with an OC for the sensory issues). ASD not ruled out, but the symptoms she has for it can be explained by high intelligence + sensory issues + anxiety. So we’ll see how she progresses. It’s just tough sometimes.