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Phil Aston: Hello and welcome to the Now Spinning Magazine podcast with me, Phil Aston. And in this episode, I’m absolutely delighted to have with me Tony Martin, one of the UK’s most underrated rock vocalists. You’ve had a really varied career, but what we’re going to talk about today specifically is Black Sabbath and the new “Anno Domini” box set. So, welcome, Tony. Thank you so much for joining me.
Tony Martin: Thank you. And thank you for having me on the show. Very cool.
Phil Aston: A bit of context, because I think this is kind of helpful for you. My son is 30 now, but when he was 15, he set up a Facebook group, kind of saying, “One day, please can we have the Tony Martin Black Sabbath albums released?” That was 15 years ago. He was still at school, half his lifetime ago. And I think in the early time when he set this up, he may have reached out to you and you might have said something like, “I don’t think it’s gonna happen, Dan.” And here we are, all these years later, and it’s not only happened, but it comes out this Friday. How does that feel to know that these albums are now going to be available again?
Tony Martin: Well, first of all, well done to your son. It took 15 years, but he got it done. To be honest, there’s been a few periods when I didn’t think it was happening. In fact, about a year ago, Tony Iommi’s manager called me and said, “You know what, this is just so complicated. I don’t think we can do this.” So I was resigned to it not happening myself. It’s all to do with band politics, really. There are so many people involved or have their fingers in the pie that they all have to be on board. And there were allegiances changing all over the place, left, right, and center. So in the end, it was getting a bit tiring, but well done to Tony Iommi and BMG. My God, the patience they showed to get this thing together and actually get it out there. Wow. But how does it feel? It feels brilliant, to be honest. I’m very excited. I haven’t actually had these albums in my own hands physically for the past 25 years. I gave all mine away thinking I’d be able to get some more, and I didn’t. They just stopped making them. So to actually physically hold them again is really cool. What a great job they’ve done of it. So I’m thrilled and excited. And I’m helping out now because I’m not in the band, obviously, anymore. So I just offered my help to promote it and they said, “Great, let’s do it.”
Phil Aston: Isn’t it amazing? Because I’ve done quite a few reviews about Black Sabbath box sets and stuff, but this one, within about 12 hours, there’s literally 12,000 views of the review. The love for this period of Black Sabbath is actually huge. It’s grown. It almost feels as if the profile is higher now than it was at the time.
Tony Martin: Yeah, there is a kind of reason for that. Partly people have got over the “it’s the new guy” thing, and also it’s been 25 years since. So now we’re reaching out to a whole other group of people, in addition to those that were already there. But to the outside world, it looks like there was a huge gap, and to me it felt like a huge gap. But actually, the fans were always there. I’ve been waiting myself as well to get this back out there. And it’s just band politics, really. That’s all it is.
Phil Aston: Because you had that period when it was almost as if this part of Sabbath’s history was hidden because of band politics. None of this really happened, which I think probably stirred up more interest and kind of people wanting to find out more.
Tony Martin: Yeah, it could be. It’s an old famous thing, you know, if something ain’t around for a while, people start talking about it. But yeah, it’s a strange thing, the music business. You’re either in fashion or you’re not. But I am just thrilled that they’ve got around it. Just the patience they’ve shown to actually put this together. At one point they were just saying, “We can’t do it.” But I’m really chuffed anyway.
Phil Aston: I imagine there’s been compromises along the way. Lots of fans probably don’t understand how complicated the politics and all the different licenses and everything that goes on over the years, they become more and more entangled. People say, “Where’s Eternal Idol?” But of course, that was a different record label. Different people own it.
Tony Martin: Yeah, absolutely. It’s owned by somebody else. And also Eternal Idol, or “Eternal Idiot,” as we call it, was kind of reissued not that long ago. Really.
Phil Aston: That’s right. With the two CD version, wasn’t it?
Tony Martin: Yeah. So they were kind of thinking, “Well, there’s no real panic because that’s already been done and let’s just move on.” Because that would have wrapped them up in contracts for centuries, I think. I can’t even think that they’ll ever get them to let that go. But they were struggling to get the people involved with these four albums to make up their minds and do stuff. I’ve been all for it all the way along, I have to say. Obviously, because it’s my career, my history. It’s not just the band’s history. It’s ten years of my life that went AWOL. So, yeah, I’ve been up for it all the way along, but some people don’t and it’s taken them a while to get on board.
Phil Aston: I think it’s fantastic. The first one was Headless Cross. You joined one of the biggest rock bands with all that history behind it. You were an established singer with the Alliance. But this was a chance, as you say, with Eternal Idol, you went in and it was already prepared. You sang it, but this one was where you could really put your mark on it, your personality lyrically as well as musically. Can you remember what it was like actually being at the beginning of that? Did you feel comfortable around Iommi and Powell and thinking, “Right, what kind of lyrics am I going to do by Headless Cross?”
Tony Martin: Yeah, I was comfortable by then. Well, kind of. The thing is, with Eternal Idol, if I can just backstep a little bit. The Eternal Idol wasn’t the first call up. The first call up was in 1986 when they were doing the Seventh Star with Glenn Hughes. And that scared me to death because I can’t sing like Glenn Hughes. Nobody can sing like Glenn Hughes. They put me on standby back then, so I’d sort of tentatively had an introduction to Tony Iommi. Then in ’87, they got me in for the audition, and that was the next introduction to Tony Iommi. But because Eternal Idol was already written, that gave me a whole year plus a bit more to find out what this thing was. What the hell was I supposed to do? So just doing Eternal Idol like that was fine by me because I didn’t have to discover anything myself back then. It gave me a chance to get my feet in. So by the time it got to Headless Cross, now I know all the guys, and I kind of know what’s expected of me. I still had to find the “me” that I needed to find. I went around it the only way I could, by focusing on things I was interested in. I couldn’t do the lyrics and melodies that Geezer was writing for Ozzy because that was a generation before me. The stuff that Ronnie was doing was fantastic, but I couldn’t get inside his head. So I had to think about what I was going to do. I had an interest in the old gothic death stuff, like Dracula and Frankenstein, Mary Shelley type writing, and of course, in England, we have Shakespeare. Nobody speaks English like that anymore, that old English text. I thought, “Old English text, gothic death, and Black Sabbath. That might work.” So I put them all together and came up with Headless Cross, which is where I lived. I lived in a village called Headless Cross.
Phil Aston: Yeah, you put that on the map. They weren’t pleased about it. The most recognition I’ve got is my name on a bus stop. And Cozy Powell thought the album needed more death, didn’t he?
Tony Martin: Oh, that’s true. That’s actually true. We were recording “When Death Calls,” and he was in the studio playing, and he suddenly stopped. We went, “You alright?” He went, “Yeah, just remind me, what’s this song called again?” I said, “It’s called When Death Calls.” He said, “I don’t think there’s enough death in it.” And he carried on playing. So, okay, maybe he’s taking the piss, but isn’t it such a great sounding album? As Tony Iommi says, he never left Black Sabbath. So when people criticize him, saying, “You should change the name or whatever,” he never left. So it was still Black Sabbath. The riffs, the guitar sound was reaching new peaks of excellence around this time.
Because when it was just him and Ozzy, for example, it was guitar, that was it. When Geoff Nichols joined during the Dio period, it introduced a few more keyboard things. That allowed Iommi to play solos against those keyboard pads and chords. And then you come along and start sticking 50 tracks of vocal harmonies on it, like in Anno Mundi and stuff like that. It just kept developing. Sabbath isn’t really known for vocal harmonies and keyboards, but underneath that was still Tony Iommi. And it still sounded like Sabbath. We were happy to do that. We just wanted to make Tony happy and do the best for him. It was his band. So we were happy to seek out that Sabbath sound and make sure it did what it said on the tin. A couple of times, like with the Seventh Star thing, he ventured a little bit away from it. Songs like Heart Like a Wheel don’t really make the Black Sabbath sound, but it’s still good stuff. I have great respect for all of the eras that went before. I had to sing all of the songs. So I do have great respect for it. And it’s been an honor, you know, like being part of the whole story. But he was the only one that stuck it out. And we respected him for that. You’re right, they did ask him to change a couple of times. He said, “No, I can’t change now.”
Phil Aston: The next one, if I pronounce this right, it’s Tyr.
Tony Martin: Yeah.
Phil Aston: Because when it came out, me and my friends, actually, because there was no Internet back then and nowhere to go and check it, we did call it Tyr. To be.
Tony Martin: Yeah, Tyr.
Phil Aston: Watch you find in Birmingham. You know what I mean? So it actually rhymes with beer, doesn’t it?
Tony Martin: It is, yeah. Actually, it’s Tiw, which is Scandinavian for the son of Odin or something.
Phil Aston: Well, this is almost as close, probably, to Sabbath getting into almost a concept album. Isn’t it? This is a collection of songs that in another time and space you probably as a band would have gone out and performed the whole thing.
Tony Martin: Yeah, it wasn’t meant that way, but they were struggling to find a name for the album. We were recording and getting towards the end and the management called us up and said, “We really need a name for this album.” And Cozy said, “I’ve got one. Let’s call it Satanic Verses.” We went, “What, like Salman Rushdie thing?” He said, “Yeah, it would be great publicity.” We said, “Yeah, but we’ll all be dead.” So we did struggle, but they happened across the artwork. We’d done Anno Mundi, we’d done Gates of Valhalla and all that sort of stuff. They went, “What if… Tyr?” It was fine by me. So it took on the Viking sort of theme. By that time, I was thinking, once I’d done Headless Cross and started to have an interest in the Vikings and stuff. As you know, the Vikings haven’t been particularly good for us. They came over and stole all our women and sheep and whatever. But I had an interest in them as well. So I was thinking, every culture, every religion has its dark side. There’s always a devil type in a god type. I thought we could go around the world and I could do this. You could pick up on all sorts of cultures and pick out the dark side of various things. But it was the last kind of… I still did that with various other songs and various other artists. But Tyr was leaning towards that theme.
Phil Aston: It’s an excellent album. Then of course, the strangeness of the politics in Sabbath. Dehumanizer comes along and Dio re-enters the scene. You obviously had an opportunity because every cloud has a silver lining. You can go off and do your solo album at this time. But you did kind of like… It sounds like it was almost a forced relationship, the way that he was and he wasn’t. I mean, how was that period for you? Because you did demo some of the tracks, didn’t you?
Tony Martin: Firstly, it was a shock. I didn’t see that coming at all. Literally just walking out the door to the next writing rehearsals. My managers called up and said, “They don’t want you to go.” From what I recently found out, although I had my suspicions, Tony Iommi said the record label just wasn’t supporting it. They weren’t getting behind us at all. Then they started banding about all different names and stuff, and Ronnie’s name came up. They thought they’d give it a go. He said it was all on and off all the time. After they let me go, it wasn’t too long before Tony called me back and said, “Can you come back?” I said, “No, I can’t. I’m doing my solo album.” More time went by, and he called me back again and said, “Are you sure you can’t come back?” I said, “I’m doing my solo album. I really can’t.” He said, “Do you want to come down and try?” So I did. I went down and tried putting my voice on some of the songs, but it would have meant rewriting everything, and they weren’t going to do that. So I said, “The best thing is if you finish this with Ronnie, get this done and out of the way, then maybe we can talk again later.” So that’s kind of what happened. By that time, I’d done my solo album, which I wanted to get as far away from the Sabbath thing as I could at the time. I went back to doing what the Alliance and some of the bands I’d been with, that middle-of-the-road AOR type stuff. But when they called me back to Sabbath, Polydor dropped my solo album like a brick. They said, “We can’t do this if you’re going to go back with them.” So that got stopped. It’s so confusing. By the time I got back with the guys to Cross Purposes, it didn’t feel that much of a gap for me, because I’ve been talking to them and working with them through the Dehumanizer thing.
Phil Aston: Stylistically, that album, because it was on the IRS label, I know some people have said, “Well, it should be in there.” Stylistically, musically, it’s very different. I mean, you take it out. These four albums in this set, excluding Eternal Idol, they sound like a progression. Dehumanizer sounds like a kind of sidestep. Even the way the riffs are done in the songs, it’s changed. You take the vocalist out, but the music continued. You took you out and it was very different.
Tony Martin: I suppose it does a bit. If I go back and think over it, I guess that’s what it was. It was kind of an interruption into the flow of things. When we were doing Tyr, I thought we were doing really well. I thought we were onto something. Dehumanizer, in that sort of respect, does feel a little bit like an interruption. But there was some good stuff on there. Ronnie’s always been a good singer. I don’t quite know how they feel about it, but it was kind of nothing to do with me. I just let them get on with it.
Phil Aston: After that, Cross Purposes is probably, out of the four albums in this set, my personal favorite. Geezer’s back in the band now, so you’ve got his bubbling bass in there. And again, lyrically, it’s all you. Did you feel any kind of, “Oh, Geezer’s back. Will he want to help out?”
Tony Martin: I did ask. He just said, “No, you can do it.” So I just carried on.
Phil Aston
The reason why I love this album is that it’s varied. A lot of people think of Black Sabbath as the Godfathers of heavy metal, and heavy metal is always heavy metal. But if you think back to albums like Sabbath Bloody Sabbath in the seventies, they weren’t all heavy metal. There were all sorts of things on there. There were keyboards and light and shade. This, I felt, connected to that album, because you had light and shade on it. So there were more dynamics in the lyrical delivery and the song delivery, in the way that Iommi is weaving his riffs around the melodies. What are your thoughts looking back on this album now?
Tony Martin: I think you’ve just summed it up. It did sort of shift up a notch. Not only that, but the sound they were getting with Leif Mases producing it, it sort of grew up. It lifted somehow out of what they’d done before. It felt like, “Oh, this sounds good.” The songwriting and the exploring we were doing with the songs and stuff. At the time, Geezer Butler said that’s the best album he’s ever been on. He never said that again, but he said it at the time.
Phil Aston: I can imagine him saying just that.
Tony Martin: But it was good. Having Bobby Rondinelli in the band as well. Technically amazing. Brilliant player. His drums close in, and he plays with his wrists. Very technical. Whereas Cozy’s drums are stretched out far and wide. He’d lean over and hit them. But great to have them both in. What an honor. I mean, it’s Geezer Butler as well.
Phil Aston: When you got to South America, Bill Ward was in for a few gigs, wasn’t he? That must have been quite surreal. Bill Ward and Geezer playing songs like Headless Cross, which they had nothing to do with.
Tony Martin: They had nothing to do with. We were kind of weird because once we’d started to get Geezer and Bill back in, they wanted to start doing more of the older songs. That just makes you look, read between the lines going, “What’s going on? Where’s this going?” Once it’s happened to you, you know it. Then you’re reading between the lines. You start to feel it. Then you go, “Ah, right.” You can feel it. They’re clearing up. I did ask if they were going to do a reunion with Ozzy. Iommi was always denying it. Said, “No, no, we’re not doing that.” But I didn’t mind. The reason for that is because I knew what I could do in the future then. I thought, “Well, if they just tell me, that’s fine. Cause then I can plan.” The first time it was a shock and I didn’t know what to do. But I was kind of keyed up for it the next time. But he kept going. They got Bill in. I love Bill. I think he’s brilliant. We did some shows with him. But for some reason, and I don’t know what it is, I mean, I can tell you Iommi loves Bill. He regaled so many stories about when they were out there and how funny it was. I never understood why they never gave him time to get back in it. When you think of Def Leppard, they made a drum kit for a one-armed drummer.
Phil Aston: Yes, very true.
Tony Martin: Surely they can find time to get Bill settled back in. Whatever problems they’ve got. I mean, come on.
Phil Aston: You would think, yeah, very true.
Tony Martin: Get on with it. I thought, “Right, this is going to go south again.” But it didn’t. We carried on with Forbidden, and then Cozy came back after his accident. It was really up and down. Confusing. People in and out. During the time I was in the band, there were eight different lineups.
Phil Aston: It was very much a revolving door, wasn’t it? Before we move on, I just want to ask, because I know a lot of fans ask this. In the booklets in these box sets, there’s an image of Cross Purposes Live. That was a VHS tape and a CD. Is there a reason why that wasn’t included in some way? Is that game politics?
Tony Martin: I did ask about that, and they were just keen to get on with it. They said, “Come on, let’s go, let’s do it.” What they told me was that they’re going to take their time now to see what else they can gather and do an additional thing to this along the way with more of that in it. With the Cross Purposes Live and some other stuff. There’s a track that I recorded with them when Eddie Van Halen came and did Evil Eye.
Phil Aston: Yes, yeah, Evil Eye, wasn’t it?
Tony Martin: Yeah. I used to take the track out. I had it everywhere. Writing sessions, recording sessions, rehearsals. I just happened to be there. I didn’t even know who was coming. Iommi just turned up with Eddie Van Halen. I went, “Holy hell, it’s Eddie Van Halen. What’s he doing here?” He did some rehearsals with us and then disappeared. Never saw him again. But I got the recordings of the rehearsals that we did.
Phil Aston: Oh, wow.
Tony Martin: So I sent them to Tony Iommi. I said, “Use these. Get these on.” He said, “No, no, we can’t.” The reason they said was anything that has the slightest newness about it looks like a new Black Sabbath track or album track. They’re not allowed to release anything new under the Black Sabbath name. So even if it’s historical, they couldn’t allow it. It’s really weird.
Phil Aston: That means there must be lots of live stuff recorded. More bands were recording live stuff from the nineties onwards that you just couldn’t work on because it would go out under the Black Sabbath name.
Tony Martin: Not just live stuff. I’ve got about eight tracks that we never released. Just from the writing sessions and rehearsals and stuff that we used to do. They just can’t get out. They just won’t allow it.
I don’t understand. Well, I kind of understand. When you’re trying to protect your name, your mark, your image, your everything, which is where the band politics comes in, they won’t allow you to do anything that they think. And there’s all kinds of… Everybody from Ozzy to Dio to everybody. They don’t want their thing to be diluted or taken away. I do understand that. There are people involved all along the way that have an objection of some kind or another.
Phil Aston: But I guess, hopefully, this box set’s going to sell out really quickly and will show there’s a demand for this material and for this part of Black Sabbath history. There’s a lot of love for it. A lot of people worked really hard within it, like yourself. They’re great albums, wonderful songs. If there’s other music waiting in the wings, whereas we all get older, thinking through the eyes of the fan, it would go down so well, wouldn’t it? But I am, as you are, very grateful that these four albums have arrived in a box.
Tony Martin: Yes, it’s an important thing for me. It’s an important thing for the band, and it’s a great thing for the fans. I’m thrilled. It’s been an honor to be part of the story. I love the fact that it’s out there now. They did say there is no limit to the box sets. They have sold out on day one.
Phil Aston: I’m not surprised.
Tony Martin: They said the way they do it is they tend to poll the outlets and stuff and say, “How many do you think you can sell?” And they put their numbers in, and they’ve gone way past that. So now they’ve got to go back and produce more. There’s no limit to it. I love what they’ve done. There’s more in the box set than just the albums. Posters, programs, and everything.
Phil Aston: And then Forbidden. I’ll be honest, Tony, when I heard this for the first time back in the day, I didn’t like it. I tried, but I didn’t like it. My son liked it because I think probably because his dad didn’t. But now the remix, it’s as if someone’s released the drums and the guitars. It sounds like a Black Sabbath album. It sounds fantastic, doesn’t it?
Tony Martin: It does. It’s brilliant. I love the fact that they’ve dismantled it and put it back in a way that they couldn’t or didn’t with the other three. Forbidden needed it for all kinds of reasons. It was done under a sort of cloud where a lot of us weren’t really into it very much. But it was also an attempt at trying to give Sabbath a kind of acceptable twist to the youth. It didn’t work.
Phil Aston: The nineties were weird, weren’t they? The nineties were strange for heavy rock.
Tony Martin: The problem was we were fast heading towards great new bands like Nirvana and eventually Green Day and Metallica doing stuff. We were going and they were trying to change the sound to fit in. It didn’t work. We didn’t think it would. But there are people out there that love Forbidden as it is. I said that to Iommi. Last time I saw him, there are people out there that love it. He said, “They’ll probably love this version now.” But shaking the chains, guilty as hell, rusty angels, forbidden. And of course, “Loser Gets It All” is a great track. That wasn’t even on the album originally.
Phil Aston: It’s brilliant.
Tony Martin: Yeah. Strange. I absolutely love it now. It does sound like a Black Sabbath album. It sounds like it should be there in amongst the others. They’ve done a great job. Tony and his engineers have really pulled it together. It’s slightly more guitar and slightly less keyboard. They’ve done Cozy’s drums. Fantastic job on those.
Phil Aston: They’re just unleashed, aren’t they?
Tony Martin: Yes. They haven’t changed anything. They’ve mixed it and given it a new attitude, which is brilliant. They’ve given it more space. It sounds bigger. I just love what they’ve done to it. I’m really proud of it now. I didn’t like it then. There’s still a couple of tracks where I would love to have gone back in and…
Phil Aston: Yeah, you know.
Tony Martin: I thought at the time, because I was that off it at the time, my head just wasn’t quite there. A couple of tracks I thought I could have done better. I did sort of say when they were doing it, “Can I go back in?” They said, “No.”
Phil Aston: I suppose because that might edge towards it being a new recording then.
Tony Martin: Yeah, tricky. I’m not going to tell you which tracks it is, but there were a couple in there that I wasn’t quite happy with. But on the whole, it’s a great job they’ve done.
Phil Aston: Because when you were playing live, there were more songs from your period in Sabbath coming into the set, weren’t there? You were a unique vocalist in many ways for the band. You could cover Ozzy, Dio. You probably could have done Ian Gillan. Anything. You could have the ultimate set list, really, going through every era.
Tony Martin: That was a bit of a mistake. I told them I could sing anything, really. They thought, “What can we give him to sing?” They threw all sorts of stuff at me. I had a shot. Fortunately, I’ve got the kind of voice that can get around most things, and that’s a result of being in so many different kinds of music. I’ve been involved in everything from reggae to rock.
Phil Aston: Who were your key vocal influences growing up? As you say, outside of this Black Sabbath badge, your voice can go in any direction. So who were your influences? Was it blues, soul, rock?
Tony Martin: It kept changing. Everything I listened to, I thought, “That’s good. That’s good.” Each couple of years, something else took my attention. I’d really pour my soul into it. When I started off with reggae, believe it or not, I worked with Musical Youth and Dexys Midnight Runners in the studio. I was a guitarist back then. Then I loved blues. I got into prog rock bands like Yes, King Crimson, Jethro Tull. Then it shifted to Emerson, Lake & Palmer. That led to Rush and bands like that. Then I had to come down out of that prog rock technical stuff because Sabbath is much more honest and basic and straightforward. To a point. When you’re in the band and you find out how he does it, it’s stunning. I never even gave it a thought. I thought, “It’s got to be easy.” It wasn’t easy at all. Iommi can put seven, eight different riffs into one song, and each one of the riffs could be a song on their own.
Phil Aston: Very true.
Tony Martin: So, wow. You get your head around it. It’s weird. Plus, the time signatures he was throwing at us. There was a 14/4 and a 15/8 or something he was throwing at us. How he gets his head around it, I just don’t know. When I saw him a few weeks ago, he said, “You did a really good job on this.” I said, “Thanks, man.” He said, “I actually don’t know how you sang over some of this stuff.” I said, “Neither do I.”
Phil Aston: Just mad, isn’t it? You could try anything. I might have thought, “That means you might be able to put some of the songs in that Ozzy couldn’t do into the set. Or I can try something that I’ve never been able to do before because Tony says he can do anything.”
Tony Martin: It’s because I showed willing. I told them I’d have a go. And I did have a go. I did put into it. The songs, the writing, the live shows, whatever. I kind of made a rod for my own back in some ways because it was hard flicking between all of the different vocal techniques. But I did my best. It sort of came across okay. The problem is when you try to do stuff like that, it can sound a bit like a tribute act. But we got it nailed, I think. Especially having people like Cozy Powell, Geezer Butler, and all those guys in the band. We were willing to seek out that Sabbath sound, and we were conscious of it. So we were all aiming for the same thing. From outside, it might have looked like a chaotic mess. But on the inside, it all had a focus. We were all willing to give it a go. That’s what I think they saw in me. I knew they liked my voice, but I think that’s what they saw, a willingness to have a go and see if you can make it work. All those different time signatures and riffs that I had to go, looking back, to me, it’s Black Sabbath. Like,
Phil Aston I’m a Deep Purple fan, and every lineup of Deep Purple is still Deep Purple. I know Black Sabbath, there’s lots of politics in the way some of the fans look at it. But I think, which is why they had Heaven and Hell later on instead of Black Sabbath, because of the politics. But listening to these four albums, one after the other, you brought to life Viking mythology and song. More death. Just your passion and the way you projected the lyrics and your phrasing makes these albums unique. An important part of the Sabbath story. Finally, do you feel like this outpouring of love for this lineup is validating everything? Any doubt that might have been back then?
Tony Martin: Yeah, doesn’t it just? The biggest validation is from Tony Iommi himself. It wasn’t regarded that highly until he sat and listened to it without the bickering going around. When I went down a few weeks ago, he said, “You did a great job on this. There’s fantastic songs on here.” I said, “I know.” It’s just that validation that he gives it. The fact that the fans are returning to it. The fact that we’ve got new fans coming to it. Whole new record labels. I think it’s Rhino in America. It’s BMG in the UK, Europe. The record labels are coming back to it and getting behind it. They see something in it. The management sees something in it. So it’s all coming together. Which is a shame because I’m not in the band anymore.
Phil Aston Who knows? Maybe you and Tony will think, “It’d be great if some of this other stuff can come out at some point and we don’t have to wait another 25 years.”
Tony Martin: If he was going to do that, he’d say, “Let’s just write some new stuff.” But from what I’ve been told, Tony’s touring dates are done now. He won’t be going out on the road again. That’s probably out of the question for writing. I did tell him I was interested if he wants to do something. But he’s got so much going on. He’s still busy. Doing stuff. He had that ballet, the Black Sabbath ballet.
Phil Aston: Yeah, that’s true.
Tony Martin: Never saw that coming. No, he’s working on all kinds of stuff. He’s writing new material for something else now.
Phil Aston: So what about you, Tony? Have you got any plans for another solo album?
Tony Martin: I never actually stopped. For the past 25 years, my career took me into the studio and writing for people. My voice appears on 89 albums and projects now. It’s been good for me. I owe everything to Black Sabbath because that’s how the world got to hear my voice. People know what they’re talking about when they talk to me. “Can you write, can you sing on this?” They already know what they’re hearing or expecting. I always try to make it better than what they give me in the first place. A lot of that is me in the studio, and I’m happy, and I still am, happy doing that. But I do tend to choose what I do these days.
Phil Aston: Yeah, that makes sense.
Tony Martin: So I’m still doing the odd thing for people now. I did have a solo album a couple of years ago called Thorns.
Phil Aston: Great album.
Tony Martin: Yeah, totally unknown guitarist from America, Scott McClellan. I only met him because he kept badgering me on Facebook. He kept sending me stuff. I was like, “Go away.” He said, “Listen to this. What about this one?” In the end, I listened to it and it was brilliant. So I gave it a go and it turned out really well. But then Covid interrupted that and we couldn’t get out there with it. Some countries were saying, “Yeah, you can come,” and other countries were saying, “No, you can’t.” It all got distracted. I haven’t finished with Thorns because they wanted to do a vinyl for it. They said we had to take some tracks off to get it to fit on the vinyl. I don’t want to take any tracks off.
Phil Aston: Make it a double.
Tony Martin: Yeah, make it a double. Write some more. I wasn’t prepared for that. I’m pacing up, trying to write some new songs. Scott has sent me loads. We’ve got enough tracks for Thorns 2, but I haven’t finished Thorns 1 yet. I’ve got to come back to that. I do want to finish that off and get that done. Then if we can do the next Thorns thing, who knows? We’d like to try and get it out on the road. Getting out on the road for me is so different to the Sabbath thing. The Sabbath machine is huge. They only have to mention it and all the cogs start turning all at the same time all the way around the world. It all starts fitting into place within days, within weeks. On your own, it’s different. I can’t do that. I have to hire other musicians to go out on the road and rehearse the whole thing and start again with a brand new show. It’s a lot harder for me, but I would love to get back out there. My career took me into the studio, so I’ve got more to do. But I just tend to choose now.
Phil Aston: If people want to get Thorns, is it DarkstarRecords.net? Is that the best place?
Tony Martin: No, Battle God. They are the main label. Darkstar were involved and they’re still there, but they’ve had some troubles in the past couple of years. They were on board and I did two versions of it from between the two territories. I liked that. But mostly now, Battle God is the label to grab hold of it. It’s still available and I’m still signing them. People send me the stuff to sign.
Phil Aston: But I haven’t finished yet, so there’s more to come.
Phil Aston: Brilliant. Well, thanks very much, Tony, for all of your time today. Everybody, make sure you go and get a copy on CD or vinyl of this Black Sabbath Tony Martin years box set, “Anno Domini.” It’s absolutely superb.
Tony Martin: Yeah, it is good. I’m just smiling. I think it’s brilliant.
Phil Aston: No, that’s it, isn’t it? Whatever anyone thinks, these albums are available again. People can hear just how awesome this time for Sabbath really was.
Tony Martin: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Phil Aston: All right, take care, and hopefully I’ll talk to you again in the future.
Tony Martin: Thank you. All right, Phil, thanks, mate. Cheers.
Phil Aston: Well, a huge thank you to my guest, Tony Martin. That was fantastic. I’m almost lost for words in knowing what to say to sum up that interview because I know a lot of you are really interested in this box set, “Anno Domini” by Black Sabbath, which is out on CD and vinyl. Just as I thought, it’s sold out already, but there’s going to be another pressing. I was able to ask some of the questions I know some of you have been wanting to know, like why weren’t there extra tracks? Why wasn’t the live Cross Purposes included, etc. So now you know. Some of it is really exciting because it means there might be a companion set with some outtakes or live stuff as well. That’s really exciting.
Tony Martin is a fantastic vocalist, really passionate, really imaginative with his lyrics and his vision of how he writes his music. These four albums are essential. They’re Black Sabbath albums, okay? That’s what they are. They sound like Black Sabbath albums. Wasn’t it interesting that Geezer Butler said Cross Purposes is the best album he’d ever played on? It is a truly remarkable album. But they all are: from Headless Cross, to Tyr (which I can now pronounce correctly), Cross Purposes, and Forbidden, which has been given a new lease of life. Seriously, it is incredible. Just stunning.
Thank you again to Tony Martin for joining me here on the Now Spinning Magazine podcast. Please keep spinning those discs, whether they are vinyl or CD. Check us out on the podcast. We’re on every platform you can think of, from Apple to Spotify to Amazon. Of course, we’re on YouTube. Please subscribe and check out the website at nowspinning.co.uk. Remember, music is the healer and the doctor. So take care and I’ll see you all very, very soon.
Watch the full interview here
Phil Aston Now Spinning Magazine

we wake up in the morning and he immediately gets on his phone. we go out to eat and he STRUGGLES not to get on his phone. we'll be in the middle of a conversation and he'll get on his phone. we finish having sex and he gets on his phone. we'll plan quality time together and he'll get on his phone. and i'm tired of having to give him that look.
for one, I feel inadequate. i'm not as entertaining as his phone. on the other hand, I realize he's fully addicted to it. for two, I don't like feeling like his mother. he can obviously do whatever he wants and can be on his phone as much as he likes but....I feel like it's impacting my relationship with him.
(he doesn't think anything impacts his relationship with me. we're always "fine" in his eyes which usually feels like a way to shift all of the "problem-having" onto me. when that's also not the case. he just won't vocalize until he's snapped.)
he is fully addicted to his phone, i've vocalized my need for quality time so much and he tells me that when we sit down and watch TV together that that is "quality time" so he kinda uses that against me anytime I express the need to have time with him. so he's fulfilled but I am not. I have explained all of this to him and he either ignores it or says something like "i guess i'm not a good boyfriend" or that my needs need to change.
i've said stuff about him being addicted to his phone and he'll just roll his eyes. and any rare time that i'd rather just chill on my phone he uses against me.
i'm the type of person who likes to wake up together and cuddle and tell each other about our dreams before getting up to make some coffee to sit on our porch with our animals and talk. then make some breakfast while we feed our animals and go over what we plan on doing that day. he acts like that takes all the effort in the entire world but i garuntee if one of his buddies wanted to do all that he would.
he wouldn't necessarily NOT do it with me but it doesn't feel the same when i have to ASK to spend our morning together.....isn't that a given?
idk, just how do i approach this in a way that i can get actual responses and progress with this?

Okay to start I'm currently a (22m) I started drinking back when I was in middle school with some buddies because why not? Well I come from a family full of alcoholics and I feel like I'm cursed with the same issue although in the earlier stages. Most people I talk to have little to no problem with alcohol and don't understand what it feels like.
I come home from work and will immediately start drinking. Doesn't matter if it's weekends or weekdays. Some days it's only 2-3 drinks other days, like last night it's a whole bottle of wine and then more on top of that till I pass out. I don't even get joy from drinking anymore. I can stop for about a week before inevitably I go pick up more. The worst part is I'm fine socially drinking I can moderate, It's when I get home that I can't.
I need advice on how I should go about this I want to quit but it always pulls me back in I like the numbness I get from booze it makes me feel good for a little bit till I feel like shit.

I've been married to a Portuguese for five years and living here for two years. I can read Portuguese really well and understand most people okay, but I have a lot of problems speaking to people in my daily life. A lot of Portuguese people just look at me blankly and don't understand a word I'm saying, or ask me to repeat myself constantly.
We live in the middle of nowhere in central Portugal but my husband is from Algarve and I've been told he has a strong Algarvian accent. I learnt most of my Portuguese from him and he is the person I speak to most, so perhaps that, combined with my foreign accent, is making me sound funny.
He says I am perfectly understandable but he really doesn't give me any feedback or constructive criticism.
My recording: https://voca.ro/1d4dw9aGG53J
Script: https://lingua.com/portuguese/reading/a-familia/
Out of curiosity, where would you guess I am from based on my accent?
I want to improve so that people understand me better as we are hoping to run a business dealing with mainly Portuguese clients. I'd also ideally like to be able to get the point where I can sound like a native speaker... how far off am I? (Be brutal!)
Thanks!

I had a decent relationship with my brother and dad for my whole life, until I became a SAHM. I have an advanced engineering degree and my license but it upsets them that my only contribution to society at this point is 'picking up my kids crayons'. When they call or visit, I listen to them talk the whole time about their traveling, job and hobbies (dad's retired), how stressful it is for them to manage their cleaning ladies/lawn mowing service/whatever it is. My brother told me he refuses to hire anyone for his startup that has a family because they won't be 100% focused on the company. I just sit and listen. If I send them a picture of my son it's ignored.
Now I'm pregnant with #2 and I feel as busy as we were in the newborn stage. We moved to a bigger house and have a big yard to manage, I clean the house myself, cook most meals... like most of the SAHP's I'm guessing. When my son takes his nap, I need to nap or clean. I don't want to spend my very limited free time on the phone listening to them complain and talk about themselves. I feel selfish because maybe they just need someone to talk to. But I'm now dreading their visits (infrequent as it is) and calls. They have no interest in my son and haven't asked about my pregnancy once (not a big deal bc they're men but it still feels weird).
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel bad and hate when people act too busy to make time for relaxing and stuff but I genuinely feel too busy at this point. I woke up early to cook breakfast and clean before my dad's visit, now the lawn while my husband is able to be with our toddler inside, and we have a laundry list of stuff to do before a birthday party later.
I love the life I'm living and wouldn't trade it. I think maybe it makes them uncomfortable seeing me just being a parent, and not making an income. I got really lucky and my husband makes a great salary and we just bought a nicer house in a great neighborhood. My parents divorced when I was born and there was never time for us, but were still upper middle class. I'm making friends who have a similar mindset as me so I don't think I'm crazy. But at the same time, even my sister, mom and grandma have told me I need to put my son (he's 1.5 btw) into daycare so I can go back to work 'for his benefit'.
Just a rant 😭

This is gonna be a long post, and it’s mostly incoherent ramblings but I’ve been on the fence about recovery for the past few days and it’s driving me insane.
To preface this, I am 15F and have struggled with a restrictive ED for the past 2-3 years. I’ve lost ~50 pounds in that time, and am now bmi 18s, but I’ve been stuck with some kind of EDNOS for a while now. The whole restrict, binge, compensate ect. It got really bad this year as the purging aspect flared up at the start of the year, and I transitioned into more heavy restricting around March. Now I’m doing high intake, and have had some more success with not binging, but I still do sometimes, which I compensate for. DESPITE ALL THAT, I’m still not underweight. I’m about to be, but that last bit just doesn’t want to come off, and I know it’s because my body doesn’t want to completely shut down, but it’s so frustrating. It’s also one of the reasons I don’t feel like I deserve recovery. Before my restrictive ED, I feel like I had some sort of BED. I remember constantly just eating and eating. Safe to say I was an overweight kid, meaning I got told by everyone around me that I was fat and needed to lose weight, thus devolving into this. I’ve also always had bad body image issues, and even though I’ve lost like half my body weight from when I was younger, I feel like I look the same. What’s weird is, I lost my period pretty early on into my restrictive ED. Probably around BMI 25, which I know doesn’t apply to children but just to give a number ya know. It was never stable (I only had it for like a year at that point), but there was a period of time where I didn’t have it for almost 10 months, before being put on progesterone. All that to say, I’m scared that my set point weight is in the overweight or even obese category. I’m scared that I’ll overshoot and become fat and ugly. Even when I was restricting, just not as heavily, I was in the middle of the normal category. As I lost more and more weight, more people started complimenting me too. Adults/family friends would always comment on how much prettier I looked, and how impressive my weight loss was. Acquaintances and fiends I haven’t seen in a long time would be astonished at how different I looked (in a good way). I also felt more confident in wearing the clothes I wanted to wear, more jiraikei-coquette-cutecore stuff. I liked the feeling of not fitting into my old clothes, and wearing xxsmalls. Another reason I don’t want to recover. I can’t imagine dealing with the comments that’ll come with weight gain. All the talking behind my back ec. I feel like I’ve also lost my personality. All I focus on is my eating disordefood, and when I talk or rant to my friends it’s about the fucking eating disorder, or some kind of effect I’m feeling because of it. I’m scared that once I get weight restored, I’ll have nothing to me, and that I’ll just be the fat kid. The people I see at school and even my friends make it really hard for me to accept that I’ll gain weight as well. It’s not their fault, but they all seem to be ‘naturally skinny’. They eat whatever they want whenever, but can stop or say no to food just as easily. They have thigh gaps and slim frames, which I worked so hard to destroy my body for. And they just have it. It’s not fair. Whenever I see them eat and stop, I always wonder how they do it. I’m constantly feeling like I could devour an entire buffet by myself. Since I developed this so early on, I was probably never able to grow to my true height. My family isn’t tall by any means, but I’m only 5’1, if even that. There’s also the thing about my boobs and ass too. Sorry if this is inappropriate, but I’m at that age where I care bout it somewhat (not all that much, but that’s a whole nother story regarding my gender). My family is stacked in this department, and it makes me sad whenever they comment on my assets being small. My friends being concerned whenever I tell them about my intake or what I feel makes me want to recover, but it also makes me take pride in the fact that I’m sick enough to give two shits over. My family, especially my grandma, crying over what I’m doing to myself makes me want to recover so bad. TLDR; I want to recover, for being able to eat whatever whenever, to not think about food all the time, to not feel cold and dead all the time, to eat with my family and friends without stressing, to grow taller and get my, assets, back, ect, but my biggest opposition is weight and fat gain. There’s also the thing with recovery where water retention and bloating is prevalent, which is what I experience when binging. I don’t like that feeling. It’s also summer, so yk.

Ok so, I (14F) have known this boy (14M) who I will call “A” since I was in third grade, and we are obviously in the same middle school. We are both incredibly intelligent and good at writing, however people always put him above me. I feel like he isn’t more successful than me academically though. Infact I am more successful than him, i’m in the gifted program and in student council neither of which he is in.
Anyways, I have always resented him because he gets more praise for the same writing and work that I do. I think we’re both funny, I always make him laugh and he makes me laugh. However, I can’t help but to resent him even though I think we both have the same qualities; hes attractive and i’m very sure I am aswell, hes smart and I know I am aswell and we’re both popular and funny; adults are always saying so.
Its just like hes so perfect and I would give anything to recieve the same kind of praise he does. I mean even I adore him but like not in a romantic way, its just like hes always been someone who likes classical literature even though nobody else in our grade is intrigued by it and its just heinous knowing I probably won’t be able to speak to him in highschool because he’s one of my favorite people. I’m not really sure if how I feel about him is romantic, like sometimes I just want to hug him if that makes sense lmao. Oh I included our writing from sixth grade when we did a group project together copy pasted ↓
Mine: As soon as the recollection of the three bodies came cascading upon Bass in a choking flood of stinging details, Bass began to perspire and tremble. Something that was a recurrence in this impeccable novel is the mention of the Comanches- a belligerent indigenous group of people to America. The name was sure to bring fear to even the brawniest of men, Comanche had tolled in them like a portentous gong. There was a sinister and unlikely coincidence between the violent happening around the Native American territory that made the Comanche one of the most hideous of omens. In reality though the Comanches were a brutal community, bring treated with a biblical veneration. However I would like to take a mature and systematic evaluation of why they may do these things. For one, us Americans drove them out if the land they had lived in for centuries, brutally burning down their communities and making them walk grueling trails and rough rocks to arrive at a territory riddled with mediocrity. Overall I believed that the Comanches were a symbol or vim and freedom throughout this novel.
His: There are several prominent names that have established themselves as important threads upon the rich tapestry of Western History; Several Outlaws and desperados are recalled for the formidable forced they possessed upon their communities. Billy the Kid, Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday- all of these names have been of flourishing recognition, yet there are only mere vestiges of traces upon a true legend; a figure of immaculate morals (a trait that was a rare rose within a grotesque haven of weeds.) This very man that I speak of was born into slavery and- at the age of seventeen- relinquished the clutches of his owner prerequisite to venturing into the sibylline, crime-riddled depths of the Indian Territory where he would elude the treacherous dangers amidst his path to grow older to be a man of law; a valiant marshal in which turned a horrendous domain (the indian territory) into a place of order. This man went by the name of Bass Reeves.

This might be a long one, I apologize for the length. Also on mobile, so formatting as well. TL;DR at the bottom
Backstory -
My biological father and I had never been close. I have grown up with 2 stories about my childhood- from my mother that he abandoned me and from him that she kept me away from him.
I’ve accepted the fact that I will never know the truth of the matter and that is okay, but at 18 I attempted to cultivate a relationship with him.
About 3 years later, at 22, I moved in with him (or rather, my great grandmother, he lived with and still lives with her) due to exiting an extremely abusive relationship.
One day, out of the blue he came into my room, yelling at me about how the day before I blew him off. I tried to explain to him that I had gone into work that day (a sales job) to try to close on some deals and he called me a liar, etc etc.
Additionally he made some comments regarding my last name.
I had been adopted by the man I call my dad, and took his last name, got married and divorced and took my maiden name back on - he seemed to be confused as to why I didn’t take back on HIS name.
Anyway, after going around and around in arguments that just didn’t make sense, I felt like I was in a loop; he slapped me, and (this was VERY WEIRD) stuck his fingers down my throat when I was yelling back at him. Eventually he kicked me out; he told me to never tell anybody he was my father.
So I left, changed my number and removed myself from social media - this was about 10 years ago and I went no contact.
During this time, I realized a huge abandonment wound was opened.
On my 30th birthday I sought help outside of traditional therapy and drank ayahuasca after seeing the change within my own mother when she drank it.
We have had multiple ceremonies together, all of which have helped me to diminish the hurt I had been carrying, but not the anger within me.
This month we had a mushroom ceremony together and this finally allowed me to release the anger I had still harbored.
Now:
About 4 days ago, my biological father’s mother found my phone number online from when I was a realtor. Having felt that I had let go of the trauma and pain of 10 years ago, I accepted the call, with a hope that he had done ANY self reflection and told her I would be willing to have a conversation with him.
Last night he called me. I had the phone on speaker with my partner nearby because I know bio dad’s tactics and I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t allowing my ego to flare up and get out of line to make the situation worse.
During the conversation I attempted to see the situation through his eyes and he AGAIN continued the loop of “your mother kept you from me” “you believe everything she says” “you should have picked up the phone, I tried to contact you” and told me that the things within the fight DIDNT happen. It was as if this 10 year old fight, one that I moved on from, happened THIS AFTERNOON for him.
Also during the conversation he mentioned to me that he tells my half brother that he believes me to be a survivor and he, my brother , to be weak, essentially. Why one would say that to their child I cannot comprehend.
After realizing he would never express sympathy or acknowledge any wrongdoing on his part, he asked is I was planning on having children - I am still unsure at this time, but if it happens it happens - and he asked me not to keep them from him. My hypothetical, future children. I told him I could not speak to an event that is not currently happening.
I should have never cracked the door open. I have a peaceful, wonderful, tranquil life and he thrives off of drama, hate and anger.
I am starting to feel anxious that he will expect a relationship between us.
I guess what I’m looking for is - how have others in my situation handled this?
TL;DR: 10 years no contact, father found my number - don’t want a relationship, how to handle?

“I told you there would be nothing in that military check point,” Barrett said. He cleaned his hands from bloodbug residue. “Only abandoned cars and empty cigarette machines.”
“Okay, I was wrong!” Simon admitted. “Is it my fault that I have hope?”
“No one ever knows out here,” Kevin chimed in.
Simon affectionally grabbed his youngest brother by the shoulder.
“See, Barrett, this is what a supportive brother sounds like.”
Barrett grunted.
The three brothers continued to follow the broken asphalt road. In time, the sky above them disappeared behind the ruins of an interstate highway. Its massive concrete columns towered over the horizon. It had cast a long shadow over their route.
Kevin stopped his brothers.
“Is that an elevator?” He pointed to the yellow cable lift that ran up to the overpass.
“I’m not using that,” Barrett quickly responded. He touched his stomach unconsciously, cognizant of his size and weight.
“Yeah, that might be an adventure for another life time,” Simon said, noting the precariousness of the cables that rose up to the ruins of the highway overpass.
Kevin pursed his lips with a modicum of disappointment. As the youngest and smallest of the three, he possessed more daring than his brothers combined. Perhaps this difference was due to the inexperience of his age or the simple fact that Kevin had a different mother than Barrett and Simon. His courage may have been a genetic inheritance that the others lacked.
“House!” Simon spotted the wooden building before his brothers, who still focused on the elevator and the possibility of ascending it.
“Let me guess, there’s going to be treasure inside of it,” Barrett said sarcastically.
“There could be!” Simon replied.
As the young men approached the building, it became apparent it had been apart of a long abandoned settlement. From their higher-ground perspective, they could see the ruins of several buildings roll down the landscape and into the consuming waters of the Charles River. The houses closest to the river had flooded and slowly rotted in the river’s murky water.
“We got a lot of work to do,” Barrett said. His siblings could hear the smile in his words. They knew that there would be at least one piece of worthwhile loot among these buildings. Barrett, however, wanted more than the natural greed of survival. The big man itched for a real fight.
“Raiders, Ghouls, or Mirelurks,” Kevin asked.
“Five caps on raiders,” Barrett said. His hand dropped to the pipe pistol holstered to his thigh.
“Five for mirelurks,” Simon said.
“I guess, I take ghouls.”
The three men moved closer to the first building. The residence, once a beautiful suburban home, had decayed over the two hundred and twenty years since its owners died in the nuclear fallout. Yet, despite the age of home, its door seemed to have been freshly repaired.
Simon, as per usual, approached the entrance with military tact. Barrett positioned himself behind his older brother. He placed one hand on Simon’s shoulder and the other around his pipe pistol. Kevin checked their flank and readied his pipe rifle.
Simon lifted his hand. He counted silently with his fingers.
One. Two. Three.
He grabbed the door and yanked it open. Barrett entered the building, his pipe pistol scanning the interior of the house.
“Clear!”
Simon followed Barrett. Kevin slowly backed into the building. He closed the door behind him.
“Stairs,” Barrett said to his brothers.
Immediately, the big man took the lead, scanning the floor above him with his pistol at eye-level. Simon followed in the wake of his larger brother, keeping his eyes straight to the top of the landing. Kevin stayed on the first floor. He found a corner, pressed his back into it, and crouched. He kept his eye on the front door.
“Clear!” Barrett’s voice rang through the structure.
“Nothing for nobody,” Kevin said, standing from his position and letting his rifle hang limply in his hands. He thought at least one ghoul would be hiding in the house. Their fraternal bottlecap wager would have to wait another house.
“Cheer up! Better luck in the next building.” Simon said as he walked down the stairs. “Right now, we have some time to loot.”
The brothers began the careful examination of the residential building.
Despite two centuries of rain and snow the building seemed to be in good condition. Clearly, since the bombs fell, a series of squatters had made improvements and adjustments over the years. In fact, the house seemed almost luxurious compared to the standards of the Wasteland. The floors had been redone with new planks of wood. The walls had been scraped of their original wallpaper and painted a light seafoam green. Although the glass from the windows had been long destroyed, curtains hung over the wooden shutters that secured the windows from the exterior world.
“Ooo!” Barrett exclaimed upstairs.
“What’d you find?” Simon called out. He stood at the bottom of the staircase and waited for a sign.
“Caps stash!” Barrett appeared with a grey tin can. He shook it and a number of caps inside of it pleasantly jingled.
“And you thought there wouldn’t be any treasure?” Simon laughed to himself.
“And the fridge is full!” Kevin called.
Barrett rushed down the stairs and joined his brothers at the fridge. Together, they drank a bottle of mostly clean water, each taking sips and passing it to the others. Then, they finished a plate of crispy squirrel bits.
“Almost fresh,” Barrett said, shoving a large handful into his mouth.
Simon continued his perusal of the house as he chewed his last portion of squirrel meat. He went to the living room section of the main floor and rummaged through a chest of drawers.
“Women’s clothing?” He lifted a dress from the chest of drawers and showed his brothers. The light green dress seemed to be in relatively good condition. The clean herbaceous smell of carrot flowers wafted into his nose.
“Someone might still live here,” Barrett said, looking at a bouquet of fresh hubflowers on the table.
Kevin looked from one of the windows. “I think he’s just arrived.”
Before Simon and Kevin could arm themselves, the door opened. An old man entered with two buckets of water. At the very moment he saw these three men, he dropped the buckets on the floor and rushed out of the building. One of the buckets spilled its contents across the floor, slowly dribbling down the front steps. Meanwhile, the old man pressed his back against the exterior wall of the building.
“What are you doing in my house?”
“We didn’t know!” Simon shouted back. “We didn’t mean to trespass!”
“Well, you did. Now, what are you going to do? Kill an old man and take his home?”
“Not if you let us leave unharmed!”
“How do I know that you’re not raiders?”
“You can’t,” Simon shouted back. “You can only make a leap of faith.”
“And why would I that?”
“Well, for one thing, there are more of us than there are of you.”
“Send one man out.”
“No!” Simon responded. “How do I know you’re not just going to shoot him the moment he leaves the building?”
“You can’t,” the old man shouted back. “You can only make a leap of faith.”
Simon felt bested by the old man’s negotiating skills.
“I’ll go,” Kevin said to his brothers.
“No, I will.” Barrett put his hand on his younger brother. He would gladly die in his place.
“There’s less of me to hit,” Kevin bantered.
Barrett grunted, but he could not stop himself from smiling.
Simon thought about dissuading his brothers, telling them that no one was going to leave the house, but this show of trust needed to be made. If things went well, there could be a chance that the three of them could profit from this encounter. Perhaps, they could spend the night sleeping inside a warm house and finally be able to get a proper night’s rest.
“I’m coming out,” Kevin shouted to the old man.
“Unarmed. With your hands up! If I see so much as a big iron on your hip, the deal is off.”
Kevin placed his pipe rifle and his switchblade on top of the chest of drawers.
Simon stepped close to his brother and embraced him.
“If he harms you, I will make sure he suffers until his very last breath,” Simon whispered.
Kevin squeezed his brother tightly and went to the door.
“I am approaching the door now,” Kevin shouted. “My hands are up.”
Kevin stepped over the spilled water bucket and crossed the threshold of the house.
“Keeping going,” the old man commanded.
Once Kevin descended the front stairs and reached the hard ground, he felt the old man sweep behind him and check for weapons.
“Do we trust each other?” Kevin said, letting the old man pat down his sides. “I’m alive, so I know I can trust you, but there are still two men inside of the house.”
“Two, huh? I thought there’d be more of you.” The old man met Kevin gaze. His face was wrinkled, freckled, and scarred. His neck-length beard, once nearly black in colour, had become streaked with grey. His moustache faired slightly better, but it too had begun to pale in his old age. Overall, the old man seemed hardened by his experiences in the wasteland, but, despite this hardness, Kevin noticed a softness behind his eyes. They reflected no bitterness or resentment.
“Now what?” Simon called from inside of the house.
“I’m going to come inside with your friend as collateral.”
The old man drew his 10mm pistol and pressed into Kevin’s lower back. Kevin straightened his posture with a reflexive fear. He climbed up the stairs and back into the house, the pistol never losing contact with his spine.
“Welcome to my home, gentleman,” the old man said. “The name is Duncan. I hope you make yourselves comfortable, although, by the looks of yesterday’s dinner, it seems as though you already have.”
Barrett glanced back at the empty porcelain plate. He wiped his greasy hands on his pant legs.
“Watch it, big guy,” the old man said. “You don’t want to make too many sudden movements.”
Barrett looked into his brother’s face. Kevin seemed calm on the surface, but Barrett could see the fear beneath his composure.
“My name is Simon. This is Barrett, and the man you currently threatening is our brother Kevin.”
“Pleasure, gentlemen.”
“We’re travellers. We’ve no particular destination. We’re just trying to survive.”
“Yes, that always seems to be the story. Why aren’t you getting comfortable in Diamond City or Goodneighbor?”
“We’re new to the Commonwealth,” Simon replied.
“Just arrived,” Barrett added.
“Boys, I’m happy to be your first experience in these here parts, but you’re going to have to leave. I can’t risk any trouble.”
“We won’t be any trouble,” Kevin said, looking behind his shoulder.
“Truly, I would like to believe you boys, but you best be going.”
Duncan stepped aside and positioned himself to the side of the room. He tilted his head toward the door with a quick gesture, encouraging Simon and Barrett to leave.
“Now, please.”
“Can we at least get Kevin’s weapons over there?” Simon asked.
“I’ll toss them to you once you’re out of the door. Just go.”
Simon and Barrett complied. They walked out of the house and down the steps. Duncan led Kevin from his house, allowing the young man to move away from the pistol.
“Grandpapa!”
The men turned to see group of three women approaching the house. Two of them carried heavy bags of harvested food, while the third held a tactical submachine gun in her hands. The three of them kept staring at their grandfather, who kept his pistol held toward the brothers.
The woman with the submachine gun lifted the stock to her shoulder. She knew that with her large drum magazine, she could cut down these three intruders without the need to reload.
“We had a small misunderstanding, ladies,” Simon said with a winning smile. He looked at the woman with the submachine gun. Her short dark brown hair swooped over one of her eyes. She flipped her hair out of the way. “We’ll be on our way,” Simon continued, “once your grandfather hands us our weapons.”
“How about you head on out without them?” the woman with the gun said.
“That’s not fair,” Kevin said. He stepped forward as he said it, causing the woman to swivel her sights on him.
“On more step and you’ll have lost more than your weapons.”
“Woah, woah. Okay, message received,” Kevin said, putting his hands back into the air. “Let’s go, guys. It’s okay. We can find kinder hosts somewhere else.”
“Or, at least, a better fight,” Barrett said with a sniff of his nose. “An old man and three little girls hardly constitute a challenge.”
“I can wipe the floor with you, big boy,” said the woman with the machine gun.
“Audrey!” Duncan reprimanded.
“I’d like to see you try, girlie. Unarmed, one-on-one, you stand no chance,” Barrett said. As he spoke, he took a deep breath and inflated his already imposing figure. The muscles beneath his shirt could be seen flexing.
“Want to try me? Or are you scared of losing to a girl?” Audrey responded.
Barrett roared with laughter.
“Audrey, that’s enough!” the old man said. “Do not aggravate them. They’re on their way.”
“Wait!” the smallest of the three women called to her grandfather. “Can’t they stay? If they wanted to hurt us, they would’ve already.”
“It’d be too risky!” Duncan replied.
“But you’ve always said that people need to come together and rebuild this world,” she said.
Duncan flashed her a quick scolding look.
“Sylvie’s right,” the third woman added. “They can help us around the property.” Her eyes danced over Barrett’s large figure. While her middle sister seemed ready to harm him, she merely wanted to be held by him.
“Audrey, talk some sense into your sisters!” Duncan exclaimed. “You ladies know that we can’t invite people at random!”
“We’d be happy to help,” Simon interjected.
Kevin locked eyes with his young counterpart. Sylvie broke eye contact and looked at her feet.
“Yeah, we can help,” Kevin said a little absent-mindedly. He continued to admire the woman before his eyes.
“Wait a minute,” Barrett said, “This guy pulls a pistol on you and you want to help him? What are you going to do? Fetch him water?”
“We made him to spill it,” Kevin said with a shrug.
“Are you guys out of your mind? How can we trust them? What if the old man and these she-devils are planning to kill us in the middle of the night.”
“Oh, now you’re afraid of me!” Audrey teased, loosening her grip on the submachine gun.
“I ain’t afraid of anything,” Barrett snapped.
Simon bursted in laughter. “Buddy, you know you’re agreeing with the old man, right? He doesn’t want you around because he thinks your going to do to him what you think he’s doing to do to you.”
Barrett squinted his eyes, trying to parse the sentence.
“I don’t like it,” Barrett said.
“Neither do I,” Duncan agreed.
“Well, they’re not staying in the house,” Audrey said. She tilted her swooping hair out of her eyes again. “Give them the rotting house.”
Duncan stayed silent. Everyone looked at him as though it was his decision which made everything final.
“Fine, but I’m standing guard during the night. If one of these boys come creeping in the night, I’ll make sure our walls get a nice new shade of red.”
Barrett nodded his head in agreement. “And I’ll take first watch at our place.”
Audrey turned to her sisters. “Morgan, Sylvie, take the food inside. I’ll show these men their residence.” She adjusted the tactical submachine gun in her arms.
Her sisters did what they were told.
“Gentlemen,” Audrey said, leading the men down the slight hill, “Your new abode.” She kicked the front door, which broke free from its hinges. The wood from the door had rotted from the moisture in the air. Wet dust flew from the ground and an acrid smell spewed from the interior of the building.
“Enjoy.”
Audrey left the three brothers and returned to her home.
The three of the brothers exchanged uncomfortable glances and looked at the building. Kevin approached the doorway and peered into the darkness.
“Ghoul!” Kevin shouted.
His brothers ran into the building with their weapons drawn. Kevin threw his arms around his brothers as they looked at remains of a feral ghoul. It had died a long time ago.
“Pay up, boys!” he said with a smile. “Five caps each.”

“I told you there would be nothing in that military check point,” Barrett said. He cleaned his hands from bloodbug residue. “Only abandoned cars and empty cigarette machines.”
“Okay, I was wrong!” Simon admitted. “Is it my fault that I have hope?”
“No one ever knows out here,” Kevin chimed in.
Simon affectionally grabbed his youngest brother by the shoulder.
“See, Barrett, this is what a supportive brother sounds like.”
Barrett grunted.
The three brothers continued to follow the broken asphalt road. In time, the sky above them disappeared behind the ruins of an interstate highway. Its massive concrete columns towered over the horizon. It had cast a long shadow over their route.
Kevin stopped his brothers.
“Is that an elevator?” He pointed to the yellow cable lift that ran up to the overpass.
“I’m not using that,” Barrett quickly responded. He touched his stomach unconsciously, cognizant of his size and weight.
“Yeah, that might be an adventure for another life time,” Simon said, noting the precariousness of the cables that rose up to the ruins of the highway overpass.
Kevin pursed his lips with a modicum of disappointment. As the youngest and smallest of the three, he possessed more daring than his brothers combined. Perhaps this difference was due to the inexperience of his age or the simple fact that Kevin had a different mother than Barrett and Simon. His courage may have been a genetic inheritance that the others lacked.
“House!” Simon spotted the wooden building before his brothers, who still focused on the elevator and the possibility of ascending it.
“Let me guess, there’s going to be treasure inside of it,” Barrett said sarcastically.
“There could be!” Simon replied.
As the young men approached the building, it became apparent it had been apart of a long abandoned settlement. From their higher-ground perspective, they could see the ruins of several buildings roll down the landscape and into the consuming waters of the Charles River. The houses closest to the river had flooded and slowly rotted in the river’s murky water.
“We got a lot of work to do,” Barrett said. His siblings could hear the smile in his words. They knew that there would be at least one piece of worthwhile loot among these buildings. Barrett, however, wanted more than the natural greed of survival. The big man itched for a real fight.
“Raiders, Ghouls, or Mirelurks,” Kevin asked.
“Five caps on raiders,” Barrett said. His hand dropped to the pipe pistol holstered to his thigh.
“Five for mirelurks,” Simon said.
“I guess, I take ghouls.”
The three men moved closer to the first building. The residence, once a beautiful suburban home, had decayed over the two hundred and twenty years since its owners died in the nuclear fallout. Yet, despite the age of home, its door seemed to have been freshly repaired.
Simon, as per usual, approached the entrance with military tact. Barrett positioned himself behind his older brother. He placed one hand on Simon’s shoulder and the other around his pipe pistol. Kevin checked their flank and readied his pipe rifle.
Simon lifted his hand. He counted silently with his fingers.
One. Two. Three.
He grabbed the door and yanked it open. Barrett entered the building, his pipe pistol scanning the interior of the house.
“Clear!”
Simon followed Barrett. Kevin slowly backed into the building. He closed the door behind him.
“Stairs,” Barrett said to his brothers.
Immediately, the big man took the lead, scanning the floor above him with his pistol at eye-level. Simon followed in the wake of his larger brother, keeping his eyes straight to the top of the landing. Kevin stayed on the first floor. He found a corner, pressed his back into it, and crouched. He kept his eye on the front door.
“Clear!” Barrett’s voice rang through the structure.
“Nothing for nobody,” Kevin said, standing from his position and letting his rifle hang limply in his hands. He thought at least one ghoul would be hiding in the house. Their fraternal bottlecap wager would have to wait another house.
“Cheer up! Better luck in the next building.” Simon said as he walked down the stairs. “Right now, we have some time to loot.”
The brothers began the careful examination of the residential building.
Despite two centuries of rain and snow the building seemed to be in good condition. Clearly, since the bombs fell, a series of squatters had made improvements and adjustments over the years. In fact, the house seemed almost luxurious compared to the standards of the Wasteland. The floors had been redone with new planks of wood. The walls had been scraped of their original wallpaper and painted a light seafoam green. Although the glass from the windows had been long destroyed, curtains hung over the wooden shutters that secured the windows from the exterior world.
“Ooo!” Barrett exclaimed upstairs.
“What’d you find?” Simon called out. He stood at the bottom of the staircase and waited for a sign.
“Caps stash!” Barrett appeared with a grey tin can. He shook it and a number of caps inside of it pleasantly jingled.
“And you thought there wouldn’t be any treasure?” Simon laughed to himself.
“And the fridge is full!” Kevin called.
Barrett rushed down the stairs and joined his brothers at the fridge. Together, they drank a bottle of mostly clean water, each taking sips and passing it to the others. Then, they finished a plate of crispy squirrel bits.
“Almost fresh,” Barrett said, shoving a large handful into his mouth.
Simon continued his perusal of the house as he chewed his last portion of squirrel meat. He went to the living room section of the main floor and rummaged through a chest of drawers.
“Women’s clothing?” He lifted a dress from the chest of drawers and showed his brothers. The light green dress seemed to be in relatively good condition. The clean herbaceous smell of carrot flowers wafted into his nose.
“Someone might still live here,” Barrett said, looking at a bouquet of fresh hubflowers on the table.
Kevin looked from one of the windows. “I think he’s just arrived.”
Before Simon and Kevin could arm themselves, the door opened. An old man entered with two buckets of water. At the very moment he saw these three men, he dropped the buckets on the floor and rushed out of the building. One of the buckets spilled its contents across the floor, slowly dribbling down the front steps. Meanwhile, the old man pressed his back against the exterior wall of the building.
“What are you doing in my house?”
“We didn’t know!” Simon shouted back. “We didn’t mean to trespass!”
“Well, you did. Now, what are you going to do? Kill an old man and take his home?”
“Not if you let us leave unharmed!”
“How do I know that you’re not raiders?”
“You can’t,” Simon shouted back. “You can only make a leap of faith.”
“And why would I that?”
“Well, for one thing, there are more of us than there are of you.”
“Send one man out.”
“No!” Simon responded. “How do I know you’re not just going to shoot him the moment he leaves the building?”
“You can’t,” the old man shouted back. “You can only make a leap of faith.”
Simon felt bested by the old man’s negotiating skills.
“I’ll go,” Kevin said to his brothers.
“No, I will.” Barrett put his hand on his younger brother. He would gladly die in his place.
“There’s less of me to hit,” Kevin bantered.
Barrett grunted, but he could not stop himself from smiling.
Simon thought about dissuading his brothers, telling them that no one was going to leave the house, but this show of trust needed to be made. If things went well, there could be a chance that the three of them could profit from this encounter. Perhaps, they could spend the night sleeping inside a warm house and finally be able to get a proper night’s rest.
“I’m coming out,” Kevin shouted to the old man.
“Unarmed. With your hands up! If I see so much as a big iron on your hip, the deal is off.”
Kevin placed his pipe rifle and his switchblade on top of the chest of drawers.
Simon stepped close to his brother and embraced him.
“If he harms you, I will make sure he suffers until his very last breath,” Simon whispered.
Kevin squeezed his brother tightly and went to the door.
“I am approaching the door now,” Kevin shouted. “My hands are up.”
Kevin stepped over the spilled water bucket and crossed the threshold of the house.
“Keeping going,” the old man commanded.
Once Kevin descended the front stairs and reached the hard ground, he felt the old man sweep behind him and check for weapons.
“Do we trust each other?” Kevin said, letting the old man pat down his sides. “I’m alive, so I know I can trust you, but there are still two men inside of the house.”
“Two, huh? I thought there’d be more of you.” The old man met Kevin gaze. His face was wrinkled, freckled, and scarred. His neck-length beard, once nearly black in colour, had become streaked with grey. His moustache faired slightly better, but it too had begun to pale in his old age. Overall, the old man seemed hardened by his experiences in the wasteland, but, despite this hardness, Kevin noticed a softness behind his eyes. They reflected no bitterness or resentment.
“Now what?” Simon called from inside of the house.
“I’m going to come inside with your friend as collateral.”
The old man drew his 10mm pistol and pressed into Kevin’s lower back. Kevin straightened his posture with a reflexive fear. He climbed up the stairs and back into the house, the pistol never losing contact with his spine.
“Welcome to my home, gentleman,” the old man said. “The name is Duncan. I hope you make yourselves comfortable, although, by the looks of yesterday’s dinner, it seems as though you already have.”
Barrett glanced back at the empty porcelain plate. He wiped his greasy hands on his pant legs.
“Watch it, big guy,” the old man said. “You don’t want to make too many sudden movements.”
Barrett looked into his brother’s face. Kevin seemed calm on the surface, but Barrett could see the fear beneath his composure.
“My name is Simon. This is Barrett, and the man you currently threatening is our brother Kevin.”
“Pleasure, gentlemen.”
“We’re travellers. We’ve no particular destination. We’re just trying to survive.”
“Yes, that always seems to be the story. Why aren’t you getting comfortable in Diamond City or Goodneighbor?”
“We’re new to the Commonwealth,” Simon replied.
“Just arrived,” Barrett added.
“Boys, I’m happy to be your first experience in these here parts, but you’re going to have to leave. I can’t risk any trouble.”
“We won’t be any trouble,” Kevin said, looking behind his shoulder.
“Truly, I would like to believe you boys, but you best be going.”
Duncan stepped aside and positioned himself to the side of the room. He tilted his head toward the door with a quick gesture, encouraging Simon and Barrett to leave.
“Now, please.”
“Can we at least get Kevin’s weapons over there?” Simon asked.
“I’ll toss them to you once you’re out of the door. Just go.”
Simon and Barrett complied. They walked out of the house and down the steps. Duncan led Kevin from his house, allowing the young man to move away from the pistol.
“Grandpapa!”
The men turned to see group of three women approaching the house. Two of them carried heavy bags of harvested food, while the third held a tactical submachine gun in her hands. The three of them kept staring at their grandfather, who kept his pistol held toward the brothers.
The woman with the submachine gun lifted the stock to her shoulder. She knew that with her large drum magazine, she could cut down these three intruders without the need to reload.
“We had a small misunderstanding, ladies,” Simon said with a winning smile. He looked at the woman with the submachine gun. Her short dark brown hair swooped over one of her eyes. She flipped her hair out of the way. “We’ll be on our way,” Simon continued, “once your grandfather hands us our weapons.”
“How about you head on out without them?” the woman with the gun said.
“That’s not fair,” Kevin said. He stepped forward as he said it, causing the woman to swivel her sights on him.
“On more step and you’ll have lost more than your weapons.”
“Woah, woah. Okay, message received,” Kevin said, putting his hands back into the air. “Let’s go, guys. It’s okay. We can find kinder hosts somewhere else.”
“Or, at least, a better fight,” Barrett said with a sniff of his nose. “An old man and three little girls hardly constitute a challenge.”
“I can wipe the floor with you, big boy,” said the woman with the machine gun.
“Audrey!” Duncan reprimanded.
“I’d like to see you try, girlie. Unarmed, one-on-one, you stand no chance,” Barrett said. As he spoke, he took a deep breath and inflated his already imposing figure. The muscles beneath his shirt could be seen flexing.
“Want to try me? Or are you scared of losing to a girl?” Audrey responded.
Barrett roared with laughter.
“Audrey, that’s enough!” the old man said. “Do not aggravate them. They’re on their way.”
“Wait!” the smallest of the three women called to her grandfather. “Can’t they stay? If they wanted to hurt us, they would’ve already.”
“It’d be too risky!” Duncan replied.
“But you’ve always said that people need to come together and rebuild this world,” she said.
Duncan flashed her a quick scolding look.
“Sylvie’s right,” the third woman added. “They can help us around the property.” Her eyes danced over Barrett’s large figure. While her middle sister seemed ready to harm him, she merely wanted to be held by him.
“Audrey, talk some sense into your sisters!” Duncan exclaimed. “You ladies know that we can’t invite people at random!”
“We’d be happy to help,” Simon interjected.
Kevin locked eyes with his young counterpart. Sylvie broke eye contact and looked at her feet.
“Yeah, we can help,” Kevin said a little absent-mindedly. He continued to admire the woman before his eyes.
“Wait a minute,” Barrett said, “This guy pulls a pistol on you and you want to help him? What are you going to do? Fetch him water?”
“We made him to spill it,” Kevin said with a shrug.
“Are you guys out of your mind? How can we trust them? What if the old man and these she-devils are planning to kill us in the middle of the night.”
“Oh, now you’re afraid of me!” Audrey teased, loosening her grip on the submachine gun.
“I ain’t afraid of anything,” Barrett snapped.
Simon bursted in laughter. “Buddy, you know you’re agreeing with the old man, right? He doesn’t want you around because he thinks your going to do to him what you think he’s doing to do to you.”
Barrett squinted his eyes, trying to parse the sentence.
“I don’t like it,” Barrett said.
“Neither do I,” Duncan agreed.
“Well, they’re not staying in the house,” Audrey said. She tilted her swooping hair out of her eyes again. “Give them the rotting house.”
Duncan stayed silent. Everyone looked at him as though it was his decision which made everything final.
“Fine, but I’m standing guard during the night. If one of these boys come creeping in the night, I’ll make sure our walls get a nice new shade of red.”
Barrett nodded his head in agreement. “And I’ll take first watch at our place.”
Audrey turned to her sisters. “Morgan, Sylvie, take the food inside. I’ll show these men their residence.” She adjusted the tactical submachine gun in her arms.
Her sisters did what they were told.
“Gentlemen,” Audrey said, leading the men down the slight hill, “Your new abode.” She kicked the front door, which broke free from its hinges. The wood from the door had rotted from the moisture in the air. Wet dust flew from the ground and an acrid smell spewed from the interior of the building.
“Enjoy.”
Audrey left the three brothers and returned to her home.
The three of the brothers exchanged uncomfortable glances and looked at the building. Kevin approached the doorway and peered into the darkness.
“Ghoul!” Kevin shouted.
His brothers ran into the building with their weapons drawn. Kevin threw his arms around his brothers as they looked at remains of a feral ghoul. It had died a long time ago.
“Pay up, boys!” he said with a smile. “Five caps each.”

I asked for advice a few times from this sub and I just wanted to come back and share how much we loved our visit!
I'm from the US (Florida) and have been wanting to go to Alton Towers since I was a kid playing Rollercoaster Tycoon. I'm also a huge B&M invert lover and horror lover, so Nemesis was my dream coaster and top of the bucket list.
I've been a traveling theme park enthusiast my whole life and I've been over to the UK a few times in my life but never made the effort to get to Alton Towers until this year - honestly so overdue.
We went mid week in late April, away from holidays. The park was generally pretty dead, as expected. We did two and a half days. I'm glad we had that much time as we got to do everything multiple times. Weather was good - cool, and only hit major one rain of the days and only for a couple hours.
Here's my thoughts on each ride (approximately in order of ranking), then I'll talk about feedback on the park overall and the hotel:
Nemesis - Amazing! Loved it, absolutely worth the trip. I adore the horror theme and the scenery is gorgeous. I wish it was a slightly longer ride (of course that's a theme with Alton Towers), so I can't quite say it is my favorite B&M invert overall - I think that title still belongs to Montu. But it is very close and I would say a top 10 coaster overall.
Smiler - Loved it! I was not sure I would as I read many things about it being rough, and I am roughness sensitive. Honestly I can say, I did not find this to be a rough coaster. For comparison, at Thorpe Park, Saw and Colossus are pretty much not rideable because of how rough/painful/headbanging they are. Smiler, no, not at all.
I wasn't expecting Smiler to become one of my all time favorite coasters but I think it did. I heard the front row is the only good row - did not find that to be the case either. The front row is best but it's not by much, I found it to be a good ride in every row. Left me slightly dizzy after each half of the ride, but not in a bad way.
Wicker Man - Loved it! I'm not a huge wooden coaster fan overall because I don't have a huge roughness tolerance, but thankfully Wicker Man is not at all rough. I love the theme and the pre-show. The ride is pure fun. We were lucky enough to get a front row ride which was my favorite.
Thirteen - I think this is overhated - I really enjoyed it! The theme is great (I do love horror themes) and I don't mind that this is more of a family coaster. The only thing I would really want to improve it would be a slightly longer drop and an animatronic instead of a static set piece in the drop room.
Galacticair - Despite never having been here before, I've always thought of this coaster by its original name. Really enjoyed it! I'm not the biggest fan of flying coasters in general, and I think I do like that this is less intense than some of the others.
Alton Towers needs to get on a retheme, scenery, and paint job for it though. It's looking a bit rough and could use some love.
Oblivion - It's a fun drop. The first time I rode it, I was like - I walked all the way through this massive queue line for that? I didn't realize it really is literally JUST the drop. Unfortunately I'm spoiled by having Sheikra at my home park. But the second time riding and knowing what to expect, I was like - yeah, this is a really good drop and the black hole theme is cool.
Spinball Whizzer - It's a spinning coaster. You like them or you don't like them. I like them alright - although Dragon's Fury at Chessington was actually amazing. Spinball Whizzer is alright.
Runaway Mine Train - This is a cute family coaster, good fun. I love the long train. Our ride op sent us around 3 times. Only rode this once which was enough to get the idea but I will definitely ride it again next time.
Rita - This is the only coaster at Alton Towers that I'm not really a fan of. Rode twice, first time back row, second time waited for front row. It's worth the wait for the front row. It's a bit rough for me otherwise. Before coming, I honestly thought - who cares if it's just the launch, I love launches! But for whatever reason this launch is kind of mediocre and then the rest of the ride is somewhere between painful and boring.
Non coasters:
Curse at Alton Manor - Loved it! I'm spoiled having been to Disney/Universal a good bit, and I know Alton Towers does not have the budget to produce the same caliber of dark ride - but Curse is really quite outstanding considering that limitation. Love the theme (as usual with the whole park) and they tell a really good story.
Nemesis Sub Terra - I don't think this deserves all the hate it gets. It's a cool experience - maybe not especially rerideable, and the "ride" portion is underwhelming, but it was a fun one time ride. I do wish cooler stuff happened with the egg. Also, the part where it whips your legs really hurt.
Gangsta Granny - Rode it once, it's very cute considering it cannot be Disney level. I do not mean to sound spoiled and hope that I don't - I just know what is theoretically possible with a dark ride, but given budgets, this a very cute family ride.
Dungeon - Did the London one a few years ago and remember liking that better, but this wasn't bad at all. It was a fun time and I'm glad I did it, especially with the Merlin pass discount. Unlikely I'd spend the time to do it again on a return visit. I know it's closing this summer, not sure if that's permanent, but honestly if it was permanent and they replace it with something else, I think that would be just fine.
Hex - Booooooo it was closed. Gives me something else to look forward to when I return, which I hope to do whenever Project Horizon is done.
Food:
Rollercoaster Restaurant: Did this both nights we stayed here. It was mostly alright, I had a burger that was pretty good. The nachos were a joke. The curry chickpea thing was decent. The gluten free menu was pretty pathetic, but at least they had some options so that my husband could eat dinner.
Middle Eastern restaurant by Wicker Man (I forget its name): This was the only place to get a meal in the park that had GF accommodation that we found. For whatever dumb reason, the chicken and chips that they CAN make gluten free is not advertised that way on the menu. But to their credit, the cook was SUPER good about making sure to cook the meal in a safe way for someone with a gluten allergy.
Ate there twice, and the food was actually pretty good.
My only complaint - both this and the one near Rita sell baked potatoes, which are one of the only things in the park we found that would be gluten free, and both days they seemed to run out of the potatoes at midday. One day, we got the literal last half a potato they had left, and the other, they were already out.
I saw that Alton Towers had a notice up about switching suppliers or something and bringing more GF options to their menus... that's needed. Hopefully next time the situation will be better.
Ice cream by the Curse: Ok, I have to say, I was obsessed with this. The black ice cream in the black cone just made me happy. And it was really delicious. Especially with the toppings even if they kept falling off. Got it two days in a row, would get it every day on a return visit.
Hotel:
Splash Landings: No real complaints here, it was what I was expecting. Certainly didn't need air conditioning for the time of year. The staff was very friendly and they were great about storing multiple bags for us both on our arrival and on our checkout day.
The breakfast was good for a buffet style breakfast. Enough GF options to eat a good sized meal.
The only actual complaint I have, and this one is weird, but true - the shower is terrible. It has a half glass door that didn't lock in place, and the sides of the tub are tall. This is a recipe for disaster as it's very tempting to hold the door to try to climb out of the tub... but it doesn't lock, so if you do that, you're likely to fall and break your head open. And if you don't hold on... well, good luck climbing out of the tall tub with nothing to grip onto. Not even a towel rail.
I genuinely don't know how they went with something this unsafe in their design process. I don't know how people aren't injuring themselves all the time.
Overall thoughts:
It's certainly spread out - I was warned. It takes some hustling to get from one area to another in a timely fashion, but I didn't find it to be too much. It sure would be though in hot weather, I'll take cold any day.
Actually my biggest "complaint" is how long the queues are in terms of - walking forever, often uphill, to get to the ride. I'm used to theme parks that are able to section off large parts of the line when not in use which doesn't seem to happen much here.
Legit, it's a workout to ride Nemesis if it's not busy and all you have to do is walk to the station.
I didn't find the park to be run down, unclean, or understaffed. All the staff was great, and operations were great. Multiple trains on everything despite it not being busy at all.
Overall we absolutely loved our time here! It lived up to my expectations for sure. Nemesis, Smiler, and Wicker Man were my favorite things, but I dug Thirteen and Curse too.
And as I mentioned, Rita is the only ride I didn't really like - from someone who has visited a ton of theme parks, only one dud with the rest of the stuff being quality is kind of rare.
I'm so glad I finally got to visit, and I will absolutely be back. Hopefully Project Horizon actually happens and isn't later than 2026... currently that's the year I'd plan to come back.
Can't wait for my return!

New here! -- have been reading these for a while and felt like I could relate (and how that's probably not a good thing)
I got my undergrad in December and quickly found a job in my field starting in the middle of January at a small (less than 5 employees total) office. My boss and his wife run the company as a duo, where he does all of the work and she takes care of meetings, schedules, hiring employees, etc. My coworker has told me that she tends to hire younger because she can "get away with paying them nothing". I have been grateful to have a salary at all, and don't have any issues with pay.
I signed onto the job and on the first day I was immediately assigned my own projects (no training). We do work where accuracy is EXTREMELY important for liability purposes. In the interview process, both the boss and his wife told me that I'd be able to utilize the first few months as huge learning opportunities, as I told them my undergraduate program did not cover much of what we do. They assured me that this would be "more than okay". In my first few weeks, I had made my fair share of mistakes, and instead of offering any sort of guidance, the boss would snap at me, say things like "who told you to do this?" and "it's not that fucking hard to figure it out" under his breath while I'm at his desk ASKING for information, and then send me back to my desk. About a month into working she pulled me into a meeting and told me I need to stop asking so many questions to my coworkers and start working independently. With zero training and zero references, I reminded her in this meeting that the nature of the work we are doing is not something covered in undergrad, but that I would do my best to minimize questions and try to figure things out on my own.
The "asking questions" problem very quickly turned into a "talking" problem. I thought it was very normal to make casual small talk with coworkers (at decent times) for about 5 minutes at a time. My boss' wife seems to have developed a very particular distaste for ME talking, and has begun to blame me for almost everything that goes wrong in the office. If my coworker takes too long to complete something, she'll come out and yell at me for "distracting others".
I think it is worth mentioning that about 1 month ago she pulled my coworker and I into another meeting and said that she was moving my desk. I used to sit in a position where I could at the very least mouth things to my coworker if I had a quick question, but I now am completely facing the wall with my back turned to everyone else. I have responded to all of these instances with complete honesty and respect, telling her that while I do not ask questions about work anymore, and have completely stopped talking during the (sometimes 11 hour day), that there are just some extremely specific things that i HAVE to ask someone, or else I wouldn't have a clue how to go about it.
Now that I have my seat moved, my coworkers talk (I can hear them behind me) and I very rarely chime in. She will still come in and "joke" with the interns/employees to "make sure I leave everyone alone" and "not let me start talking". I will occasionally hear this over my headphones (which we are allowed to wear at work) and remind her that I haven't said anything to anyone all day.
All in all, (6 months in) I now go into work every day feeling anxious, and leave feeling defeated. I will say that my REAL boss doesn't seem to have any issues with me. He's a generally cranky guy but especially recently he seems to be pleased with the work I put out. The issue now really feels like a peronal one that she has about me. I will hear her asking him if I've messed up anything, and he'll say no. I feel like although I've learned a lot, there are still a lot of things I'm not grasping fully because I'm not allowed to ask about them. My coworkers are all planning their exits in the next few weeks and have advised me to do the same. I've espressed my fears to them about how I may not be picking things up quickly enough, and they all confirm that my work is fine, especially for being pretty new to the job. The only reason why I want to keep this job is because I wanted to have something for my resume for grad school (I'd be applying in the Fall). I'm not sure if it's even worth it anymore, with the mental damage she seems to be doing to me.
Would really appreciate any sort of guidance, because I'm pretty sure she qualifies as a narcissist. I will end by saying she's generally disliked by clients, employees, and argues with her husband in the office almost every day. He'll tell her to "shut up" and "leave him alone" right in front of us. It feels like just a super toxic place to be in in general. I will say again that I'm new to the work field and that I could also just need to grow up and deal with it. My plan was to stick it out until the winter (stay for a year) and then leave.

hello, just a quick one regarding our rules & the state of the comments lately!
first and foremost, this is a subreddit for FINDING fashion items.
we have received numerous complaints about how the top comments never seem to be helpful with members actually finding the items anymore. threads are getting derailed pretty quickly with arguments & unrelated discussion, which is not helpful to anyone.
there are plenty of other subreddits for general fashion discussion, here are some:

• /whatthefrockk
• /fashion
• /femalefashionadvice
• /malefashionadvice

civil discussion in our subreddit is fine as long as it's related to the post, and helping OP in their search for said item.
onto our rules - don't be rude
it's ridiculous that we even have to clarify this, but negative unsolicited opinions are RUDE. we always say if it's not helpful then keep it yourself, but a lot of commenters don't seem to understand that rudeness is not limited to "dress is ugly".
"well i didn't call the item ugly i just said it's not appropriate to wear to work" - guess what, no one asked! this is not a subreddit for you to personally decide what clothing you consider appropriate for whatever occasion, again it's for FINDING fashion items. if OP wants to wear a mini skirt to work, cool! let them! if OP want's to wear trousers with ass cut outs, good for them! if OP is looking for a specific "controversial" item, i highly doubt they care about your judgement.
some other examples of unhelpful comments -

• "try google"
• "i wore it in middle school"
• "thrift store"
• "ask (the person in the photo)"
• "1987"
• "diy/make it yourself"

please keep in mind that if someone is using our subreddit to find specific items, they might not have the knowledge of basic fashion terms. what's obvious to you, might not be obvious to others.
if a design is simple enough to make it yourself, yet OP didn't know how to look for it, what makes you think they'd have the skillset to make it themselves? not everyone knows how to sew.
as for thrift stores, not everyone lives in the US with easy accessible second hand clothing. and besides, someone with no knowledge of fashion might have no idea where to start looking in one!
we also have a new rule - no body shaming
the body shaming comments have got to stop. every day we are removing rude, unwanted opinions on other people's bodies. it's NOT appropriate to ask OP what their weight is, "do you have the ass for that?" etc. nor is it appropriate to insult or comment on the body of the person in the photo posted, regardless of whether they're famous or not.
if you see someone breaking rules in our subreddit then please report it & the mods will remove it asap. i know things can get heated sometimes but we'd rather you didn't resort to arguments, don't give these clowns the attention they crave.
tldr: don't be fucking rude

Hello; really loved the interaction with my first post, so thanks so much for that! I'll just reiterate: spoilers for all Star Trek, and everything is just my opinion.
900) Unnatural Selection (1989)
TNG 2x7
Writer: John Mason & Mike Gray
Director: Paul Lynch
We've seen this idea done before and better. Yeah, it's a little bit different this time: it centres around children genetically engineered to be free of disease (isn't that illegal in the Federation?). But the actual plot of the episode is little different from TOS' The Deadly Years, with Doctor Pulaski aging and trying to find a cure for the condition. An uninspired repeat of a TOS episode that wasn't even that good in the first place.
899) We'll Always Have Paris (1988)
TNG 1x23
Writer: Deborah Dean Davis & Hannah Louise Shearer
Director: Robert Becker
Bored me stiff. I'm not always a huge fan of time travel stuff in general, and this is one of the least dynamic uses of that story type I've ever seen. Picard also has some weak character development, in his reminiscence about the girlfriend he left behind to join Starfleet, after he runs into her in this episode. The resolution with Data is fine, though, and I do like that they used him, as somebody less affected by the Maddox Effect, to solve the problem. Functional, just really dull.
898) Angel One (1988)
TNG 1x13
Writer: Patrick Barry
Director: Michael Rhodes
I will say that, as a teenage boy and as a young man now, this episode did give me empathy for what women go through in real life: being dismissed as weak and soft and barred from meaningful work. Beyond that, however, this episode really says nothing. It feels like it wants to be a deep and compelling exploration of gender roles, but apart from that feeling of empathy it gave me it doesn't accomplish anything of the kind. It's just a rote story about an oppressed section of society trying to combat their oppressors, and Riker saves the dissidents from being executed with a dull speech.
897) Silicon Avatar (1991)
TNG 5x4
Writer: Jeri Taylor, story by Lawrence V Conley
Director: Cliff Bole
Oh, just what I always wanted: the return of the Crystalline Entity from Datalore! Most anticipated villain return ever! But seriously, this could have been an interesting episode exploring a decent creature, but all that ends up happening is the Enterprise chasing the Crystalline Entity while Data has conversations with the mother of one of the victims of its attack on his colony. I will say that her hatred of Data got some genuine emotion out of me, as I raise my hackles against anyone who dares attack that loveable android, and seeing her come round to him was reasonably satisfying. But I still wasn't intrigued by their conversations, or the story of her seeking revenge for her son's death. The actual murder of the Crystalline Entity was done with a decent weight, but the episode takes forever to get there, through a slog of boring conversations and virtually no emotional investment for me.
896) The Outrageous Okona (1988)
TNG 2x4
Writer: Burton Armus, story by Les Menchen, Lance Dickson & David Landsberg
Director: Robert Becker
An aimless, artless story of a rogue caught between two fathers hounding him for his misdeeds. I don't find Okona amusing or charming, so his heavy presence in the episode doesn't do anything for me, and the story surrounding him is weak too. Data's stand-up comedy stuff is quite funny; Brent Spiner plays it brilliantly. I particularly enjoy the scene where he's trying out his act on Guinan, and it's just so bad. Also love Whoopi Goldberg's delivery of 'No' after Data asks her if his act was good. But this B-plot has only a flimsy connection to the main story, and therefore its presence leaves the end product feeling messy as well as weak.
895) Bounty (2003)
ENT 2x25
Writer: Hans Tobeason, Mike Sussman & Phyllis Strong, story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Director: Roxann Dawson
An A-plot and B-plot that are both very bad. The story of Archer getting kidnapped by a bounty hunter is rote and uninspired, and definitely feels like it was one of the last ideas the writers came up with for the season. They were just filling time with a poor sequel to the earlier episode Judgement. His interactions with the Tellarite do not interest me at all, and I do not care about the Tellarite's lost ship. The B-plot with T'Pol prematurely going through the Pon Farr sees some of the worst sexualisation of the character, plus some cringey dialogue between her and Phlox. Archer's ending escape from the Klingons, with the Tellarite's secret help, is solid, though.
894) The Omega Glory (1968)
TOS 2x23
Writer: Gene Roddenberry
Director: Vincent McEveety
Goes from mundane to insane. For much of its runtime I would give this my label of dull but functional: there's a rogue Starfleet Captain trying to discover the secret to eternal youth on a pre-warp planet, and there's a lot of fighting with some of the savage natives. It's all very boring... until the last quarter.
It gets revealed that this is (yet another) TOS Season 2 Earth parallel, with the savages representing the US and the village people the Communists. There is no explanation given for how the aliens ended up with all the exact paraphernalia of that time on Earth, from the US flag to the American Constitution; it's all just ludicrous.
The crowning weirdness of the episode is Kirk's lauding of the American Constitution as the greatest thing ever invented. Now, I don't just not like this because I'm English; I would feel the same if the British (unwritten) Constitution was being lauded like this. I consider myself a pretty patriotic person, and I believe that every country has equal reason to celebrate themselves, but I feel it is utterly inappropriate in Star Trek for any one country or group to be held up as the ultimate shining example of civilisation. This is because Trek is meant to represent a future where everybody's come together under one banner. There's a lot to praise about the American Constitution, but it's inappropriate for it to be held up as the 'One True Way', if you will. Kirk's final admiring look at the US flag is so cringeworthily saccharine. So, yeah, this episode is boring for most of its runtime, and it certainly isn't in the end... it's much worse.
893) The Muse (1996)
DS9 4x21
Writer: Rene Echevarria, story by Rene Echevarria & Majel Barrett-Roddenberry
Director: David Livingston
The DS9 Lwaxana Troi episodes are largely not a good time, and this is the absolute worst of them. The story of her pregnancy feels so hammy and forced, and the drama with her and Odo doesn't interest me at all. She also doesn't feel like she has much of a presence in the episode, which is shocking given how she came on so wonderfully strong in TNG. The other plotline with Jake is also uninteresting. It's at least not as bad as the Lwaxana storyline, but it's still so very uninspired (you see what I did there?). Annoyingly our last Lwaxana appearance; they really should have stopped her episodes after TNG's Dark Page; that was the perfect ending for her character.
892) When the Bough Breaks (1988)
TNG 1x16
Writer: Hannah Louise Shearer
Director: Kim Manners
Gene Roddenberry did like his kiddie episodes, didn't he? The idea of 'Atlantis-but-a-planet' is interesting, but the episode wastes the concept on a tiresome kidnapping story. The kids are fine I guess, but I'd also rather not be watching them. Wesley feels kinda out-of-place among them, to be honest, considering how noticeably older he is. I will say that Picard's reaction to the abduction: 'You have just committed an act of utter barbarity!' is a superb bit of acting from Stewart, but other than that there's nothing else I'll praise about this outing.
891) Pen Pals (1989)
TNG 2x15
Writer: Melinda M Snodgrass, story by Hannah Louise Shearer
Director: Winrich Kolbe
This always feels like a short to me, despite its forty-five minute length. No time is spent building up Data and the alien kid's relationship; we just see the kid's first communication, then jump into Data confessing to Picard he's been in contact with a pre-warp individual. So I have no investment in this relationship, which is a shame because Data-plus-kid had the potential to be really sweet. They just didn't put the legwork into it. The resolution is fine.
890) Unforgettable (1998)
VOY 4x22
Writer: Greg Elliot & Michael Perricone
Director: Andrew Robinson
Got to be the most ironic title in Trek history, since this episode is extremely forgettable. It's also mind-numbingly boring: Trek does not have a good track record with single-episode romances, and this has got to be one of the worst. I feel zero connection to the guest character and zero investment in her relationship with Chakotay. The idea of a species that you forget after they've been gone for a while is intriguing, but it is wasted on this insipid romance. This was one of the longest forty-five minutes I've ever sat through.
889) Transfigurations (1990)
TNG 3x25
Writer: Rene Echevarria
Director: Tom Benko
Speaking of dull one-episode romances, here's another one. The idea of a species going through a butterfly-like transformation, that is feared and suppressed by the authorities, is again intriguing. It reminds me of the Jon Pertwee Doctor Who story The Mutants, if anyone's watched that, except it's done less well. Again, the good concept is wasted on a boring romance, this time between Beverly and her patient. This is another one that feels much longer than forty-five minutes.
888) Bread and Circuses (1968)
TOS 2x25
Writer: Gene Roddenberry & Gene L Coon
Director: Ralph Senensky
At this point in TOS Season 2, I just thought: 'Really, Mr Roddenberry? Another Earth parallel? I know you like them, but this is getting ridiculous!' Not only is this a tired repeat of an already done idea, but no explanation is given for why this planet parallels the Roman Empire. In A Piece of the Action and Patterns of Force clever reasons were given, but in this it's just presented as a weird fact. That doesn't fly with me.
And even if they had come up with another clever explanation, they have done this idea, which I don't like very much anyway, way too many times this season. I did have some minor interest in the concept of a Rome that never fell, but not enough to sustain me for fifty minutes. Boring and uninspired to the highest degree. I will say there's one really great scene between Spock and Bones in a prison cell, though, when Bones confronts Spock about how he keeps all his emotions carefully concealed.
887) How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth (1974)
TAS 2x5
Writer: Russell Bates & David Wise
Director: Bill Reed
Similar to Who Mourns for Adonais?, in that it gives us an omnipotent alien, who was once worshipped as a God on Earth, and has returned to take charge of his wayward children, only to ultimately discover they don't need him anymore. This is a much weaker version of that story, however, with a less sympathetic godlike character and less runtime to flesh out the idea.
The episode also takes a weird swerve halfway through, from the setting of Kukulkan's city (a nice location, I must say) to his zoo, which I find much less appealing. This episode had an idea, but it wasn't quite sure how to tell the story. Kukulkan genuinely scared me a little, though, and I did feel sorry for him when he flew off, knowing that his former worshippers had outgrown him. But again, that was done better in TOS.
886) Resurrection (1997)
DS9 6x8
Writer: Michael Taylor
Director: LeVar Burton
Michael Taylor is a curious writer for me. He has written both some of my favourite and some of my least favourite episodes, with little middle ground. This falls hard into the latter category. It's interesting to have someone from the Mirror Universe cross into the Prime Universe, rather than the other way around as normally happens, and it's doubly interesting to have that someone be Mirror Bareil. But the episode falls flat on its face: every scene is just so interminably dull, and, unlike his Prime Universe counterpart, this Bareil has no chemistry with Kira. So boring, so pedestrian, and the absolute worst of the DS9 Mirror Universe episodes.
885) The Paradise Syndrome (1968)
TOS 3x3
Writer: Margaret Armen
Director: Jud Taylor
I think this is the epitome of functional but dull. The story makes sense, the characters' motivations make sense, but that doesn't mean the episode is interesting. I do like the idea of the Preservers, beings who transplanted members of endangered peoples, here the Native Americans, to other planets, but the episode flops. Kirk's memory loss leads to a yawnworthy stay among the Native Americans, filled with predictable tensions and conflicts, and a bland romance. The Spock and Bones B-plot is also boring. I feel a little something for Miramanee's death, but only a little something.
884) Assignment: Earth (1968)
TOS 2x26
Writer: Art Wallace, story by Gene Roddenberry & Art Wallace
Director: Marc Daniels
Star Trek without the Star Trek. Deciding not to focus on the main characters for an episode isn't a bad idea in and of itself, but the characters put in their stead hold little interest for me. The same is true of the plot they work within. This was of course a backdoor pilot for a spin-off that never manifested, and maybe if it had come about I would like this episode much more, but as it stands I find the characters unintriguing and the plot uninspired. The climax is particularly poor, with about seventy different shots of the rocket going into orbit, while the characters mill about and do very little. I want me my Kirk, Spock and Bones back.
883) The Red Angel (2019)
DSC 2x10
Writer: Chris Silvestri & Anthony Maranville
Director: Hanelle M Culpepper
Down here for the same reasons as previous DSC Season 2 episodes I've put on this list. It engages heavily in the twin foul-ups of the Spock's sister storyline and the Section 31 portrayal. I hate the base concept of Burnham being Spock's sister, for reasons I've explained in my previous post, so I despise all their scenes together, that build out this relationship that I wish had never been. And Section 31 continues to be portrayed as a public wing of the Federation, with ships and resources provided by Starfleet, which is godawful.
I will say, however, that I do kinda like the sequence where Burnham has to strap herself to a chair and bare herself to the planet's toxic atmosphere in order to summon the Red Angel. And the reveal that the Angel is not herself but in fact her mother is cool. But this is still a really bad episode.
882) The Storyteller (1993)
DS9 1x13
Writer: Kurt Michael Bensmiller & Ira Steven Behr, story by Kurt Michael Bensmiller
Director: David Livingston
A really messy, weak outing. The A- and B-plots have nothing to do with each other, which isn't automatically bad, but here it just makes the episode feel untidy. Of the two, I prefer the Jake and Nog subplot; it's funny seeing them mooning over the female teenage leader of a settlement who comes to the station. Their getting in trouble to impress her is charming. The A-plot sucks, though: the whole business of O'Brien having to become the protector of this village, from an amorphous cloud villain, is just lame, and the resolution is whatever. It is funny to see O'Brien and Julian in their first episode together, though, and witnessing how much O'Brien doesn't care for the good Doctor at this point. Oh, how times will change.
881) The Arsenal of Freedom (1988)
TNG 1x20
Writer: Richard Manning & Hans Beimler, story by Maurice Hurley & Robert Lewin
Director: Les Landau
A ramshackle adventure with a medley of different storylines, all of which are underwhelming. The best is Geordi's plotline, where he asserts himself as commander of the Enterprise over the *rsehole Chief Engineer of the week, but the other two don't really have any redeeming qualities. The Riker and co storyline is repetitive and the Picard and Beverly storyline is dull. I do like that the threat is resolved when Picard agrees to make a purchase from this dead civilisation, though.
880) Move Along Home (1993)
DS9 1x9
Writer: Frederick Rappaport, Lisa Rich & Jeanne Carrigan-Fauci, story by Michael Piller
Director: David Carson
OK, so I said this wasn't the worst of DS9, but it's still really bad. Though I have to say that, after I watched this with my siblings last year, and had such fun doing so, I've never been able to see it quite so badly. It's bad, yeah, but it's so, so much fun. The best-worst bit is of course the alien hopscotch scene, and I also really have to give credit to Alexander Siddig for playing some brilliant cringey comedy with Julian. The scene where he's trying to wake himself up from a nightmare by screaming? So funny. These (sort of) praises made, this is still a stinker of an episode, with a messy plot, too-silly events, and some serious overacting from Armin Shimerman at the end. Definitely something best watched with friends or family.
Allamaraine, count to four,
Allamaraine, then three more,
Allamaraine, if you can see,
Allamaraine, you'll come with me!
879) Justice (1987)
TNG 1x7
Writer: Worley Thorne, story by Ralph Wills & Worley Thorne
Director: James L Conway
I love the basic idea of this episode: Wesley runs afoul of a law on another planet and is sentenced to death by their draconian justice system. Then Picard has to struggle with whether to obey the Prime Directive or save his life. But the episode is dragged down by some weird costuming choices and, most of all, the addition of an omnipotent entity that watches over the planet's people. This should have just been an episode about Picard struggling between duty and conscience; the addition of a mega-powerful being steals screentime from this fine idea.
878) A Simple Investigation (1997)
DS9 5x17
Writer: Rene Echevarria
Director: John T Kretchmer
Uuuuugh; another boring single-episode romance. It's an interminable chore to sit through, from beginning to end, with tired, uninspired romantic scenes and an unexciting criminalistic plot surrounding the Orion Syndicate. I also don't like how the Changelings' linking is equated with sex in that one scene. There are a few fun scenes with O'Brien, Julian and Jadzia when they're playing the spy holosuite program (Jadzia's 'Ooh, somebody stop me!', or O'Brien's 'Hi, Odo!'), but that's about it.
877) Such Sweet Sorrow Part Two (2019)
DSC 2x14
Writer: Michelle Paradise, Junny Lumet, & Alex Kurtzman
Director: Olatunde Osunsanmi
DSC wasn't merely content to introduce a sister for Spock who weakened the story of his childhood and family life. They had to make that sister so important in his life that he'd be willing to go with her into the future and leave his life behind. I hate that Kurtzman and co made this decision, as it makes everything in TOS, SNW etc feel like Spock settling for second-best, when in reality he is fulfilling his life's purpose in those series.
I also never connected with any of the DSC original characters, except for Saru, and even with him I don't feel any emotion at their grand final 23rd Century adventure to stop Control. As I've said before, this evil sentient AI story is a tired, repeated idea, and its connection to the terrible portrayal of Section 31 makes it worse. As a result of all this don't give a single crap about any of the grand-scale action in this episode, and I feel nothing for the loss of the Discovery crew to the far future. I will say that this episode did at least propel DSC into the 32nd Century, which would end up saving the series from being irredeemably awful, and it sets up the phenomenal SNW (although we didn't strictly need all this for SNW to work).
876) Vis a Vis (1998)
VOY 4x20
Writer: Robert Doherty
Director: Jesus Salvador Trevino
A vapid story about Tom feeling dissatisfied with his life on Voyager, and getting replaced by a shape-stealing alien. The concept for the alien is solid, but the execution doesn't fly. It ends up being a limp episode that drags quite a bit, with a bland character arc for Tom at its centre. Shoutout for the appearance of Dan Butler as the alien's main form, though; he played the testosterone-fuelled Bulldog Briscoe in my favourite comedy, Frasier.
That's it for now. Thank you very much for reading, and Live Long and Prosper!

Had this idea bouncing around in my head about the little ferret guy, Etholin Esila. I figured with him being a 'merchant lord' he'd want to start cutting deals with Emma once the initial curiosity and amazement over Earth tech would have passed. Not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but just wanted to get it out of my head and onto 'paper'.
Thanks to u/DndQuickQuestion for helping with feedback on earlier drafts.
Afternoon Transgracian Academy of Magical Arts
The hulking minotaur loomed menacingly over me. "Crawling along the floor suits you well, Merchant Lord Etholin Esila!” it boomed in an intimidating baritone. “Merchant Lord, pfah! Even a mangy cur such as that Mercenary Prince has a legacy of valor and martial prowess behind his dubious title, but you?”
An accusatory finger was jabbed in my direction. “Nothing but puffery and bluster to buttress your status as a glorified shopkeep! Your ilk claims to broker fair trade between the Realms, but those with integrity and honor recognize the deceit you employ to conjure false value from nothing." It was difficult to tell if Lord Auris Ping's tirade was aimed more at myself, the Esila clan, or the concept of inter-realm commerce in general.
At the moment, I was more concerned with herding my scattered belongings back into my satchel. While rushing to my next appointment, I had the dubious privilege of colliding with this mountain of a brute. Naturally I was on the losing side of that contest, and was sent tail over head to the floor, scattering the contents of my school satchel across the polished granite. Not one to pass up the chance at a crass display of dominance, Lord Ping had launched into the rant that everyone in earshot was currently enduring.
"Look at you, scrabbling on the floor to fetch your little trinkets, a fitting match for your base and covetous nature!" Fairly pedestrian, as far as character assassination went. I’d been called far worse while helping Father with trade negotiations, sometimes at sword or stave point. One had to develop quite a thick hide when engaging in cross-realm commerce. Especially with many realms having rather… absolutist opinions about the value of goods, like Lord Ping here. But I had zero interest in contesting his assertions, despite how idiotic they were.
Haggling or arguing with Pronarthians was a singularly wretched experience. They were infamous across the Realms for their single-mindedness and a compulsive need to have the last word that bordered on lunacy. I didn’t have the patience for the endless ingratiating flattery required to bore through such stubbornness. If that wasn’t enough, a gentleman of my stature also had to consider Pronarthians’ sizeism; specifically their intrinsic respect for the larger and taller races.
And that was merely the average Pronarthian! Arguing with a belligerent lout, accustomed to deference as Lord Ping? I'd sooner try my hand at flying out the nearby window. At least the loamy soil below would give me a fighting chance, or a jagged rock would grant me the mercy of a swift end.
Instead, I busied myself putting my things in order, taking special care with one item in particular. It was a set of memory crystals I received from the Earthrealmer, Cadet Emma Booker. It was part of a ‘transdimensional cultural exchange pilot program,’ as she had described it with her nation’s peculiar bureaucratic jargon. I had previously conducted similar transactions in my initial dealings with Cadet Booker, and it was those first tentative steps that convinced me to make Cadet Booker a full-fledged premiere trade partner of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company, the pride of the Esila clan.
The myriad tomes and treatises from Earthrealm, such as the riveting "The Wealth of Nations," amply demonstrated that Earthrealm had an extremely sophisticated understanding of commerce, finance, and logistics. But it was the ‘video archive footage,’ transferred onto memory crystals for ease of viewing, that convinced me at a visceral level that these Earthrealmers were a sound investment. I felt it on my whisker-tips, as the commoners back home would say.
"May I offer a helping hand, Lord Esila?" inquired a familiar voice. I looked up to see a scaly, clawed hand extended toward me. “And perhaps a sympathetic ear? After all, that was a rather nasty bit of slander from Lord Ping, would you not agree?”
Wonderful. This nonsense again.
While I had been lost in thought contemplating Ocean Breeze’s latest windfall, Lord Ping seemed to have lost interest and resumed going about his business. Taking his place, as always, was Lord Qiv Ratom, ever ready to sift through the rubble of Lord Ping's latest ham-fisted antics for personal gain. "You will find that my views differ considerably from Lord Ping's. I, for one, admire the manner in which you extract value from your trade partners. After all, does it not require skill and cunning to convince the customer that your wares are worth far greater than their true value? Such nuance and subtlety is lost on the likes of Auris Ping, content to strong-arm what he desires from others."
I paused for a moment, at a loss for words. His tone suggested his 'praise' was sincere, but only stoked my ire further. What in the thrice-damned Hells did he think he was accomplishing? Did he really think that telling me, "Well, I still regard you as a thief, but I APPRECIATE your thieving nature, unlike that uncouth lout!" was going to win me over? Dealing with parties with this attitude to commerce and trade was tedious at best. But ever since making acquaintances with Cadet Booker, whose people's understanding and appreciation of commerce rivaled the Nexians, dealing with the likes of Ping and Ratom was nigh UNBEARABLE.
I rattled off the usual rigmarole we used at Ocean Breeze for clients we wished to keep at arm's length. "With respect, Lord Ratom, the value of the goods we sell is determined by the customer's needs and circumstances. The merchants of my clan arbitrate prices taking such factors into consideration. We see it as our responsibility to provide equitable trade that is not only beneficial to all parties, but also provides fair compensation for the tradesmen involved in executing the transaction."
"But of course, it is as you say," replied Lord Ratom with his signature oily charisma. "Fair and equitable trade, according to the customer's circumstances. Thus, you are but a facilitator of the Fates, a most humble tool of Destiny itself. And one who collects a respectable commission, at that," he continued. He stopped short of winking conspiratorially, but the impish grin playing across his features was a fine substitute. Every mote of my being wanted to shake him until he shed his skin. He continued, "Your... humility aside, my admiration of your clan's cunning and resourcefulness still stands. The insight of one so skilled is always welcome within my inner circle, should you wish to grace us with your presence."
It took all my restraint to not tell him into which orifice he could jam his charity-case friendship offer. After all, I'd been keeping far better and more like-minded company of late. Company that the Baralonian lord was likely dying to ingratiate himself with, given how Cadet Booker and her peer group had taken pains to keep Lord Ratom and his entourage of gossips at arm’s length. Instead, I left the smug reptile’s offer dangling in the air, twisting in the wind for a few agonizing moments while I finished tidying my things. Rising to my feet, I finally replied, "An offer most generous and kind. I will of course, have to consider the circumstances of both customer and merchant. Surely you would not begrudge a humble servant of Fate for waiting for the most auspicious circumstances?" Even at my best, I was hardly a master of rhetoric, so crudely tossing his words back at him was the best I could do.
"As you please, Lord Esila," replied Lord Ratom, finally sensing his return on investment wouldn't be worthwhile, leaving me alone to stew in the hallway. Such was the game played among the aristocracy. I looked down at the bundle of memory crystals in my hands, contemplating on their origin, and how Earthrealm could change how the Esila clan, perhaps even all of Rontalis, played the game.
I continued on my way, thoughts heavy once more.
Evening Ocean Breeze Trading Company, Elaseer Offices, Private Chambers
The Elaseer branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company was a modest affair by Nexian standards, a second-storey affair nestled on the edge of the warehouse district. The restrained yet tasteful trappings were a calculated decision of the Esila clan, proprietors of the trading company. A fine balance had to be struck when it came to outward appearances, after all. Some measure of artful decoration was necessary to appease the Nexian eye’s obsession with projecting might and wealth, but not so much that it would attract too much attention.
Only in the private chambers would a guest finally see some personality in the decor, and a generous measure at that. These were the chambers of the nobleman assigned stewardship of these offices, Lord Rikad Esila, uncle to Etholin Esila. Colorful murals with aquatic motifs adorned the walls, highlighted with tastefully matching lacquered panels featuring artwork done in mother-of-pearl inlay. Similar decor was present in the dining room, where uncle and nephew were currently enjoying what Rikad thought would be a leisurely dinner.
CRACK!
The sharp sound rang out loud and clear in the small room, the source being a steamed crab claw, dashed to pieces on a smooth river stone placed between the two diners at the table.
Lord Rikad's branch of the Esila line hailed from the wetlands of Rontalis that opened up into the sea, and they regularly partook of the ocean's bounty. In antiquity, they were known to smash shellfish and other armored morsels against stones they carried with them to lay bare the tasty prizes within. This dining set configuration was a modern interpretation of that old tradition, with a communal stone for guests to open their shellfish.
Of course, such a homestyle service was available solely behind closed doors and shuttered windows and only then to Rikad and his close associates. Here in the Crownlands, such a 'barbarous and unseemly' artifact would be frowned upon by the prevailing Nexian culture and their gold and mother-of-pearl seafood forks that split the shell with a simple tap. But young Etholin labeled that languid dining as a boring conversational backdrop, inferior to the communal excitement of a well-placed strike.
Etholin’s spirited strike had a strong measure of anger behind it, a fact not lost on Rikad. "Steady now, lad. The aim is to crack the shell, not grind it to powder," chided Rikad, an otter clothed in well-tailored robes that melded practicality with muted elegance. He looked aged and gray compared to the ferret-like Etholin, clad in sumptuous silks and embroidery that assertively declared the young lord’s wealth and standing. Etholin hung his head in embarrassment. "Apologies, Uncle. I lost the reins of my temper."
"Well now, aggravated enough to make a mess of my dining set," observed the older gentleman. "It takes a great deal to get your humors churning like this, from my experience. So tell me lad, what urchin needles you?"
"Ugh, more Academy theatrics, what else? With Lords Auris Ping and Qiv Ratom being today’s star players."
"Ah, The Dunce and the Devil," remarked Rikad, nodding with understanding. This wasn't the first time his nephew had related the pestilent pair’s antics. "What two-act farce did they put on this time?"
"Ping opened with the usual blather about merchants being honorless tricksters, with Ratom swooping in to capitalize on the aftermath. Textbook at this point, really," explained Etholin, waving his hand dismissively. "It... it was just the way those two put forward their thoughts. In isolation, each would have been merely irritating. But with one following the other, I was ready to grind my fangs to nubs! To be cursed as a thief on one side, only to be praised as a thief on the other! It was like they were wielding ignorance as one would a greatsword, and managed to cut me with both edges! Gods, I wanted to THROTTLE the idiocy out of them!"
"‘Tis to be expected," said Rikad in consolation. "A great many noble families, even entire Realms at times, came about their status through force of arms or magical prowess, and thus they hold a dim view of commerce as a profession. It is a routine chore for us, navigating around them to find those with less absolutist views on the worth of goods, or more forgiving definitions of 'honest work'. An Adjacent Realm that does not cheat its creditors by altering the weight of its coins or debasing them with base metals and insisting otherwise while hiding behind the safety of their portal is worth its weight in gold."
"Sometimes I feel we ought to cut them out of our affairs entirely and deal with the Nexians, directly and exclusively," mused Etholin bitterly.
"Now, now, though your anger is justified, that's hardly reason for it to take hold of your mind's rudder," cautioned Rikad with a frown. "The Nexians have well-developed philosophies on trade in line with our own, but we only have the resources of a single Realm at our disposal, while the Nexians can leverage the bounty of their never-ending and mana-rich lands. Dealing solely with a behemoth that can devour us with a thought, no matter how frictionless those dealings are, is hardly my idea of a beneficial partnership."
Etholin sighed. "As always, your counsel is sensible, Uncle. Like I said, I lost the reins of my temper in a moment of weakness."
"Don't be so sour on things like this, lad. Our base nature gets the better of us at times, that is the animal within that we all struggle with. That you acknowledged such a lapse and took back the helm is proof that civility prevails. But, enough moping about!" Rikad jumped out of his seat with a little pep in his step. "Looks like we need to guide you back into good spirits, and I know JUST the thing for gentlemen such as us," concluded the elder merchant, twirling his whiskers playfully.
"Somehow I think a night at the theater or music halls will do little for me, Uncle. Or are you suggesting we seek respite at the bottom of a tankard?"
Rikad snorted derisively. "Oh please, I'm not senile yet, pup! Since when has SPENDING money brought joy to anyone worthy of the Esila name?" That made Elothin perk up a bit. Rikad continued, "No, I speak of a PROPER good time, I speak of..."
"COMMERCE!" they cried out in unison, fists held aloft in a triumphant pose. "Does that mean..." began Etholin.
"Indeed, we've just received the latest prototypes for the centralized mana ampoule, linking cords, and so-called 'mana motors'. Perfectly timed with the parts delivery from Cadet Booker not two days ago. Sukie, be a dear and clear this up, and have the remainder bundled up and sent to the young master's rooms at the Academy." Rikad motioned for the housekeepers to clear the table, then ushered Etholin to his private offices where they could discuss business strategy in depth.
Uncle Rikad’s offices were more than just a cozy place where Etholin could get a taste of home. Officially, Rikad was stationed here to oversee the administration of this branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company. In reality, the office was a means to circumvent the Academy's prohibition against students communicating regularly with their home realm. Many aristocratic families employed similar cheats and dodges involving ‘familial duties’ and ‘business obligations’ to skirt the rules. If the Nexians cared about closing such loopholes, they didn’t show it. Perhaps the quaint maneuverings of their lessers amused the elves, who could say?
In this case, Rikad and Etholin were leveraging this loophole to the fullest, as they strategized on how to execute the next steps of their latest commercial venture, which Rikad would then relay to the head offices in Rontalis. As their planning session drew to a close, Rikad remarked on the time. “Well, it would seem that evening has fast become night. You are welcome to stay overnight here, as always, or perhaps you would prefer to retire to the Academy dormitories? Either way, I doubt you’d want to watch an old man doze off in his reading room listening to music.”
At the mention of leisure time, Etholin's eyes widened in surprise, and he began rooting around in his satchel. "Oh goodness, I entirely forgot!"
"What is it, lad?"
"Oh, Cadet Booker has provided us with more of her 'video archive files', transcribed to memory crystal," explained Etholin as he produced the set of crystals from his satchel, perfectly sized for the compact projection device that Rikad kept in his rooms.
"Ah, splendid! Another of the young lady's documentary presentations on commerce? Or perhaps one of her theatrical serials? Both are fine ways to while away the night."
“I’m not sure, but Cadet Booker said we would enjoy them a great deal,” said Etholin as he placed the crystal into the office's projector. As the machine spooled up, a moving image was cast onto the whitewashed wall across the room. As with all Earthrealm recordings, it was entirely mundane, bereft of any sign of manafields. Compared to mana based memory shards, Earthrealm recordings felt like faded sketches. None of that hindered the recording's impact on the viewers.
"Hoh? This is-" exclaimed Rikad, eyes lighting up in recognition.
An Earthrealmer with a thick, lustrous beard strode into view, his confidence and enthusiasm palpable despite the muted colors of the recording. The Earthrealmer’s voice rang out from the projector, carrying that same confidence and infectious enthusiasm like a barker worthy of the title of Grand Master.
Rikad and Etholin cheered in unison.
"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE, WITH ANOTHER GREAT PRODUCT!"

i am remarried mom of three kids, 18, 16, 12. my middle son is currently very angry with me, and refusing to come home after a week vacation with his dad.
context:
their dad and i divorced six years ago. i left everything, started life over quite alone and broke. it was so hard. the biggest grief was losing the kids half time. they were and are everything to me.
after a few years of healing i meet my now husband, who is nice and great. the kids love him. he list his wife to cancer young, no kids. he has character and respect of his friends and family.
two years ago, we moved the kids 15 miles away from town #1 to town #2, with legal permission from my ex and the support of the kids.
it was a disaster. my kids’ dad stopped talking to us after initially fully supporting the move, and took us to court trying to get custody and stop the move AFTER we actually moved. 🤡
the 18 months of custody dispute was horrible. worse than divorce. early on in the case, we moved BACK to our original town to show the kids how much we cared about what they wanted, which was apparently NOT moving after all. (their dad was using this to drive a wedge between us and the kids, even after we moved back, he would not drop the case against us.)
ultimately, the judge did not approve his motions and found him in contempt in some other areas. she gave us a new parenting plan that of course he is not following. custody remains at 50-50 for the boys, though my daughter has been with us full time since last august.
during this time, the kids dad also burns his house down with a cigarette, displacing the kids and racking up four more moves in a year in addition to our two for them (to the city and back.) my son's dog freezes to death after he lets him outside at his dads. he totals his car, with booze and passengers inside. he’s having major outbursts on the soccer fields and got in a fight with his one of his best friends. his dad also gets put on notice from my sons soccer club for unacceptable and hostile sideline behavior (chronic behavior)that includes kicking a ball AT a kid on the other team, ON PURPOSE, and admitting loudly it was.
so i’m seeing signs of deep distress in my son. he is a quiet kid and deep thinker, not one to talk about feelings, though we have been talking deeply for weeks…about soccer. his coaches and friends parents are telling me they are noticing he’s showing signs of too much pressure on him. they say it’s coming from his dad. so i start hunting for a strategy to get him through this time.
all the while, his dad is sneaking him around to try out for this super competitive traveling soccer team i said i wasn’t supportive of, mostly for mental health reasons. i also had him screened for adhd and took him to a therapist in the days leading up to our conflict. (maybe this was too much but im new at this too!)
so that’s the lead up. last friday we have an argument that starts about soccer, and what i see as betrayal and deceit: i said no to a traveling soccer team after my son had four weekends of volatile sportsmanship and yellow/red cards. he went to tryouts anyway with his dad and was surprised when i wasn't fully supportive.
he “sees me as an obstacle to his happiness.” that turned into … he’s still mad at the move—which i never fully explained our side. (all the parenting advice said don’t talk to the kids about court stuff, so i didn’t. you know who did? their dad.) but when i tried to share just the basics, he says im a liar and not a victim. i told him to get out (he was leaving anyway and this felt good at the time, but probably shouldnt have said it.)
he hasn’t come back. says he isn’t ready. he had a week vacation with his dad and is still there. his dad says he does NOT want james there full time. (his dad has several girlfriends currently, so that would hamper his style.)
my heart feels like it’s ripped from my chest, like our connection was completely cut. and the thing is: i SERVE that kid. i coddle him and dote on him and create memories and experiences and life lessons and all the good mama things. i’m a good mom to him. i spend so much time mothering him (directly and indirectly), probably too much at the expense of myself. i’ve felt guilty since the divorce and have always babied the boys especially. and what i get is blame and rage.
i’m hearing this is typical teenage angst, made worse by some huge traumas in his life.
i cant go back to court. there’s lots i could say my kids dad is not doing, to include mandated court coparenting counseling, but it will only make things worse. he’s a narcissist with substance abuse problems, and at least now, with this conflict, he’s finally talking to me again. so much of our trauma these last few years have come from us not talking. it’s truly like dancing with the devil, talking to him now and trying to come together for our son.
my longtime therapist said that their relationship with their dad will be marked by his mask slowly falling off and disappointing them in huge ways. my daughter went through this and i thought my son was starting to see some things … and now he’s flopped, and seems to be incredibly loyal to his dad.
(it’s not about loyalty to one parent over the other for me, it’s about healthy relationships and living in truth.)
so long, sorry. i just need a strategy for how to proceed. do i give my son the space and time he's asking for, even if he's just couch-hopping from friends house to friends house while he's there? what if he doesn’t come back? how much autonomy do i allow him and when do i stand up for what i see is best as his mom?
thanks for reading if you made it this far. looking for books or ideas, resources, advice.

Recently I've realized how reluctant I always am to comment or interact on any social media. I am generally pretty introverted but outspoken in real life. I'm not afraid to let my opinions be known, I'm also quite blunt with them in most cases. I don't actively seek out interaction and conversations but I don't shy away from them if someone else starts one. I'm very talkative with people who are close to me. I'm a gemini and I will always be extremely chatty when I'm comfortable.
Though, recently I've noticed how I hesitate to interact anywhere on the internet. Mostly because I've been wanting online friends for years. I think it has something to do with being perceived and judged even rejected maybe, specifically by unknown forces (people) typing away behind a screen. Also something to do with perfectionism on wanting to present myself and be seen in a certain way?
I just became hypersensitive to knowing I'm being seen and perceived even in everyday conversations as I usually run over every interaction almost obsessively laying in bed the night after.
The best way to describe it is like your words getting caught in your throat except it's literally my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Words flying through my mind but me physically too frozen or stuck to type anything. If I do type it out I just go back and delete everything before I can even post.
How do I stop this? I don't want to keep being invisible. Even now, I'm considering whether or not I should even post this but I'm gritting my teeth and doing it anyway hahahahelp.
I want to just take the leap of faith but there's a part of me that's tired of always having to be brave. Even though that usually results in me just feeling isolated and lonely as an observer when I just want to participate. I just want to make friends. It's a constant tug of war and it's getting more crippling by the day.
Does anyone have any tips?
P.s. Sorry if this whole post is wrong in some way, it's literally my first time posting anything on reddit lmaoo.

I had a dream.
First me and my wife lived in a building that resembled my old home with my parents. The upstairs portion with my two old dogs. One has not lived with me for years the other has been dead for over two years. They had their own room and it smelled like urine very harshly. Then we decided that we would go with a car ride with some of my friends from high school, this was sneaking out from their supervision. My wanted to go with them for some reason and when we got into the car she didn’t look like my wife anymore but she looked like a guy I used to go to high school with but I could tell it was her. I don’t really understand why I felt this but i did. While we were on this drive I instantly regretted getting in the car with them because I figured they just wanted to go smoke and asked my wife (who looked like my childhood friend as a man) if this was really what we should be doing since she was pregnant. My wife agreed and asked them to drop us back by the house and we would sneak back in. When we turned around our car battery died and I carried my wife back to the house. When we got there she looked like my childhood best friend and I remember that something felt really off but we walked into the house. This man? Or my wife? Sat at the table and made her hold this book. It looked like some Christian book but I can’t remember the name of it and she had to hold a paper behind it that said I swear and the rest of the words were covered. It looked like this was there way of punishing their kids when they made mistakes. The parents of the kid I went to school with were there and dropped this cube shaped things filled with water on her hands to punish her by pinching her fingers. Then asked me why I didn’t stop him. I said because you are the father of this household and he said fair enough. Then he made me hold them and dropped it on my hands 3 times. It really hurt but I tried to hold it in. Then he told me to read the spine of the book and I don’t remember the words and when I was reading them a supernatural experience Happened inside of my dream. It looked like he split into two people and choked the other one and made him vanish and I pointed and my wife saw none of it and I was overcome with fear and thought it was Jesus and called out to him. I did multiple times and this thing said to me. You think I belong to Allah or and I could not make out the other word but said another name. I feel like it said jehovah but I can not promise to it. Then it ran up fast to me and told me his name was the blood collector and he always collects on his debts and started to shred me apart. I then woke up very hot. I have had nightmares before but this to me at least felt very different. I had never had a nightmare where things were so real yet also so original. The part where I met this blood collector did not seem that thought came from me. This person after I said these words did not resemble a movie or tv show I have ever seen or book that I have ever read for that matter.
This happened the same night a man prayed over us at a beach shop in real life not the dream. He made us take off our shoes and put oil on our hands and feet and our foreheads used a prayer shawl. He prayed for us as a protector for our home. I don’t know how that plays in if it does at all.

Firstly, I think Meg Marinis was unfortanete that her first season as showrunner was cut short due to the strike. I'm certain she had more ideas, but had to either erase them or shorten them. I think she did well with what she was given.
Cathrine. Talk about unprofesionalism. She questions Meredith and Amelia, when the time could be better used elsewhere. There's a wildfire going on outside. They could literely be helping out, and so could she. Then she decides to fire Teddy as not only chief, but also as a surgeon in the hospital, while there's a wildfire going on, and the hospital is understaffed. Then she decides to yell at Teddy in the middle of a hallway in a hospital, while Teddy has her hands full with a patient. I don't even like Owen, but I cheered for him when he called out Cathrine for being a big petty baby. She's literely ready to risk patients lives, due to her ego being hurt. Then she fires Owen, simply for calling her out on being more concerned with her own ego over the lives of their patients, and doesn't even let him know in person that he's fired. At this rate, she's going to fire someone just for looking at her the wrong way, and will end up with a hospital with no staff. And c'mon, Tom would support Meredith's ressearch. Cathrine might be his friend, but he would side with Meredith and Amelia. And where is Jackson in all of this. Why didn't Meredith just go to him with her ressearch from the start. isn't he the one running the foundation. He would support Meredith's ressearch. He needs to make an apperance next season. He's one of the few people Cathirne actually listens to. He would call her out on her desicions, and would imedietely rehire everyone.
And speaking of Cathrine. She's litrely ready to fire all of the interns for standing up for Lucas, and say that she could have them replaced, but she wouldn't be able to have them replaced. I do love seeing the interns stick up for lucas, and I think that in return, he'll offer the CHicago spot to Mika.
I feel like Schmidt will end up leaving surgery all together, to be a GP. He would be a good peds gp. His bedside manners are good.
Okay, so Jo being pregnant isn't a shocker. Though, I would have asumed that her passing out was going to be cliffhanger based on the promo. And while it would have been nice with a planned pregnancy, and not just another oopsie baby, and it's not even the first. This storyline could have potential. Given what we know about Jo, and how this isn't her first pregnancy, it could lead to her remember her pregnancy with Paul, or her feelings regarding her birth mom. They could also make it a difficult pregnancy.

Hi guys, Currently I've been trying to track down a heavily edited version of a scene of Heathers. We recently found out that the video we've been looking for was from this movie after stumbling across a similar picture to the thumbnail of the original, Enough about ho we tracked it though.
We found out about this video while on a discord call at like 6 PM, We simply just scrolled through random stuff on YouTube, we found a couple of videos from weird silent creators but there was ONE thing that caught my eye "1989 John Adams middle school incident.". The thumbnail was a photo of Winona Ryder, Kim Walker, Lisanne Falk and Shannen Doherty together, It was turned black and white and had some old look to it. Me and my friend didn't think much of it but were curious what happened to the school. I clicked on it, The only things I can remember from the video was Winona Ryder pointing the colt at something (Probably Christan Slater because that's how it went in the film) and everything was frozen, When we turned on the captions it said something about a guy named "Slater" and how Slater was undeserved. Another one was a voice-over from a female, She sounded like those pre-recorded voices when there's an emergency like a fire at your hotel. I don't remember exactly what she said but she basically said John Adams middle school (The set for westerberg high) was exploded by an on-set accident of when they were shooting the end scene where the Prom in heaven happened. The actors were safe, some extras were injured but mostly the crew and staff of the shoot was either deceased or heavily crippled. We clicked off of the video after that because me and my friend didn't want anything to do with a school actually blowing up from a little accident of a film. After a few months of watching the video I brought it up with him again and we went looking for the video. Has anyone ever seen this video? Was it an edgy YTP? If we ever find it (which the odds are slim) I'll make sure to make another post talking about it and how we recovered the video. Thanks to everyone helping the search, Love you guys!
EDIT: I also wanna say the video dates back to 2013, So there might be a chance a lot of Heathers fans watched this.

Today I want to talk about Tom Bombadil and his influence on, or lack thereof, on the rest of Middle-Earth.
Tom Bombadil's exact nature is either unexplainable or already explained, depending on how you see it. Tolkien's letters tell us that he represents a kind of selfless joy of cherishing nature (as it existed in England in his youth), without the need to control it. They also tell us that his exact category (as relating to Valar, Maiar, mortals etc.) is intentionally unexplained, to make the book feel more mysterious. (Sidenote: I think that's pretty laughable considering we aren't even told what Istari are in the book propee, and even the basics remain pretty confusing until you read the Silmarillion.)
However, I feel like me and many other Tolkien fans aren't exactly irked by the fact that he isn't 100 % explained, but moreso by the fact that what we do know doesn't seem to jive with other established things we know to be true about Middle-Earth. Most importantly, why isn't he affected by the ring??
Maybe this stuff is obvious to you guys, but when I first read that scene where Tom is unaffected by the ring, I thought it was hugely important foreshadowing. When Gandalf confirmed that Bombadil wouldn't be tempted but also wouldn't be any help in the protection of the ring, I was very confused. On the one hand, this seems to imply that he's more powerful than Sauron, but then why does he stay confined to his little tract of land and never interact with anyone? Or alternatively, if he's too stupid to keep the ring safe, then how is he so powerful?
However, now I think I had been misunderstanding some things.

• Tom Bombadil is not more powerful than Sauron

The fact that Bombadil isn't tempted by the ring when we meet him doesn't come down to power. It is because his mind works differently than all the other characters we meet. He represents a selfless love for nature. When he talks to the Hobbits, he tells them about Hedgehogs living in their burrows, the trees growing along the river, and all this other stuff that reads like watching a David Attenborough documentary. The mere fact that these things exist and thrive is enough for him. When Sam puts on the ring he sees images of Mordor transformed into a huge garden. But Tom Bombadil already has his garden. There's simply nothing to tempt him with. The fact that he doesn't vanish when putting the ring on is easily explained by the fact that whatever he is, he exists in the spirit world as well as the visible world, like Maiar or elves. Vanishing when putting on a ring is a strictly human problem/advantage, because they shift from the seen world to the unseen one they don't usually occupy. (Note that hobbits are biologically human as well, even though this has been forgotten in-universe.)

• Tom Bombadil isn't "too stupid" to keep the ring safe

Another huge misunderstanding on my part was taking Gandalf's words about Tom as condescending. They weren't actually. If everyone was like Tom the ring would cease to be a problem. The problem is that while Tom is selfless, he's also laser focused on his little part of the world, where he is the master. Which brings me to my most interesting thought.

• What are the limits of Tom Bombadil?

I am way more satisfied with Tom's existence in Middle-Earth now that I have explained away his immunity to the ring. Yes he can also command Old Man Willow and the Barrow Whights, and while that puts him on par with a minor wizard or a powerful elf, it doesn't totally screw with the world order. But an interesting side note to this is that his immunity to the ring would be conditional. Tom isn't totally selfless in the book, when someone gets into trouble in his land he feels responsible to help them. Most importantly though, he's greatly interested in the conservation of his native woodland. Tom Bombadil is currently immune to the ring because everything he could possibly want, he is powerful enough to change, or keep from changing against his will. Free travellers, chase off whights, or settle the occasional dispute between bucklanders and the sentient trees. The weird way his psyche works means that as soon as his immediate surroundings are in order he enters some kind of meditative relaxation state where he just takes in the beauty of nature (and apparently sings a lot). But if we put him somewhere between an elf lord and an Istari on the power scale, that means that as soon as Sauron actually rolls up with his army, Tom would suddenly want something he cannot get. He cannot keep Sauron from burning the woods, killing the animals, or taking Goldberry from him. Which is why I believe, in that very moment he would suddenly become susceptible to the ring.
And that's why it's a bad idea to leave it with him.