(sorry if it's not correct grammar I'm typing fast)
Ok so for backstory I'm 17 yrs old and my family cut off my brother because he wanted no pictures at his wedding but my family still took pics so I told my brother about it basically he got mad, told his wife and my dad had a tantrum about how he can do whatever he wants to his son and my brother cut him , my mom and siblings off for crossing his boundaries (and because they where mentally abusive to him) but didn't cut me off because I'm the only one that respected his boundaries
Ok now fastforward 2-3 years later my brother and his wife have a son and I'm the ONLY person in my family that has access to my nephews pictures because I'm the only person they can trust to not share it to others (they believe in evil eye) around this time my older sister reconnects with my brother so he decides to send her pictures of his son because he trusts her enough but only if she didn't send those pictures to my parents because who knows who they'd send it to with their ability to not respect boundaries
Obviously my sister didn't learn her lesson and still sent those pictures to my dad where he'd brag about not "giving a fuck" about his grandchild (he literally has fantasies about beating the shit out of my nephew) even though he's the one that shows off my nephew's pictures to random strangers saying, and I quote, "my only grandchild it's a shame we can't visit him" (I wonder why!!!!) My sister would send these pictures to other people in front of me KNOWING that I'd defend my brother even if it costed me a leg and an eye so she knew what was coming
Naturally I immediately told my brother what my sister had been doing behind his back and he sent a long paragraph to her saying that he's going to cut her off for sending pictures of his kid to people he specifically told her not to send to and my sister went berserk shes calling me a shit load of names basically saying I ruined the "connection" they had and my parents are giving me death threats for breaking up the family again (who's gonna remind them that they broke it first??)
My younger sister says I'm in the right because who knows what would happen to my nephew if those pictures got sent to the wrong person but my mom said all I've done is listening to the devil and deepening the wounds in this family even though I've done nothing but tell my brother what his family has been doing with those pictures and what they've said about a CHILD
My bad if if words aren't spelt right I'm getting a lecture while I write lol
Personally I don't think I did anything wrong by just looking out for my brother but I'm wondering if I was supposed to let my sister cross my brother's boundaries again

Hello all,
I recently made a post about the passing of our nephew and trying to find an image of one his characters - https://www.reddit.com/wow/comments/1d4tu2o/is_there_a_way_to_see_all_of_someones_characters/
Unfortunately due to restrictions placed upon accounts by Blizzard, the GM couldn't help me find the names of my nephew's characters. So I'm looking for the next best thing now.
I remember him playing a NE Warrior DPS and I know he adored PVP. Now I know what a NE Druid Tank looks like (RaWR) as I play one of those, however I know bog all about PVPing Warriors. So can anyone possibly direct me to (or show below) a male NE Warrior tank, in what you'd consider the best PVP armour.
I honestly don't care about stats here, I'm more about what looks the greatest, as transmog exists.
Once I've got one that looks great. I've then got the task of looking for a WoW quote of mourning/saying goodbye etc. Then we're sending it off to a digital artist.
Thank you all for the help here.

So my mom and I don't have the best relationship but I've tried to make it work even though we live apart but as of two weeks ago, fuck it.
So were at my nephew's preschool graduation thing. To save money, I was staying at a hotel with my parents. Which is never a good combination. Now I always always ALWAYS wear a lanyard with my key and ID and stuff on it to compensate for my ADHD. And to make sure that my important shit don't get stolen or lost. Things fall out of pockets, particularly when you're in a wheelchair, or can be taken from a bag and walked off with. Lanyards not so much.
But mom was all Kareny about me looking nice for the graduation and how the lanyard would make me and I quote "look like a jake"
When I asked her what the *hell* a Jake was she threatened to hit me for swearing
However due to us being in a rush, and my anger at her threatening me over stupid Kareny bullshit, the memory of where I put the thing never properly formed and it probably got moved at least 3 times
One could reasonably argue that the lanyard was my responsibility as dad did. My argument is that the lanyard is my way of taking responsibility and by forcing me to remove it via threat of physical violence, it became her responsibility.
The dumbass part is that a random guy wearing a lanyard is not high on the list of priorities of anyone at a preschool graduation. They're all thinking "I hope I get a picture." or "I hope my son doesn't show the crowd that he learned to undress himself."
So I have lost my house key which I have to pay for, my debit card which I have to replace and my ID which I have to replace.
But the lanyard and the extra errands are not the issue.
She has a habit of threatening to be violent towards me whenever I hurt her little feelings. And only me. Because I'm disabled and more importantly I permitted it.
She does not threaten to hit dad when he hurts her itty bitties. Does not threaten my sister. Does not threaten the nephews. Does not threaten the old people who hurt her feelings. She only threatens to hit me. She only threatens violence towards ME and I don't care about whatever excuse dad or her freaky Pentecostal cult make for her I'm done.
She threatens to be violent towards me again, it's go time. I've gotten stronger since taking PT and I live in a place with fairly loose self-defense laws. And I know exactly which knee she had surgery on. And I have no problem using it.
Fuck the Fifth Commandment. Fuck all aspects of our culture that enable old people to randomly threaten younger people with violence without consequences. I don't care anymore. She wants a fight she'll damn well get one.

Randyll Tarly, Failing Upwards

part 2/2 here https://www.reddit.com/asoiaf/comments/1d08i8x/spoilers_main_randyll_tarly_failing_upwards_part/
This post speculates the books are misleading regarding the ability of Mace Tyrell and Randyll Tarly. At a surface level Mace is a weak leader and Tarly a skilled and loyal commander. I challenge those in-world views and suggest the opposite, that Tarly is a middling commander, and will turn to Aegon. This is not a new theory, but I hope my observations can add to the existing works.

Randyll Tarly as a Commander

The Battle of Ashford

Context: The battle of Ashford happened late in Roberts Rebellion and was his one loss. Robert’s host and the Tyrell host were closing in on each other around Ashford, which was on the western flank of the Stormlands.
The Battle – what we know: Tarly lead the vanguard, which engaged Roberts army ahead of the main host. By all accounts the battle was decided before Mace arrived, although the exact meaning of this is unclear. Lord Cafferen (of Old Oak) was cut down by Randyll. The main casualty of note was Mace Tyrell’s cousin, Quentin Tyrell.

The Battle – Relevant POV sections:

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III: ~Tyrell's reputation rested on one indecisive victory over Robert Baratheon at Ashford, in a battle largely won by Lord Tarly's van before the main host had even arrived.~
A Storm of Swords - Davos V: "King Robert suffered defeats like any other man. ~Lord Tyrell bested him at Ashford~…
A Storm of Swords - Samwell V (multiple):
"~You are the one~ that killed the creature in the snow," King Stannis said, when only the four of them remained.
~"Your father is an able soldier,"~
~"He defeated my brother once, at Ashford. Mace Tyrell has been pleased to claim the honors for that victory, but Lord Randyll had decided matters before Tyrell ever found the battlefield. He slew Lord Cafferen with that great Valyrian sword of his and sent his head to Aerys." The king rubbed his jaw with a finger. "You are not the sort of son I would expect such a man to have."~
"If you had not taken the black, you would make a useful hostage," Stannis mused. He has taken the black, sire," Maester Aemon pointed out.
"You slew this creature with an obsidian dagger, I am told,"
"On Dragonstone, where I had my seat, there is much of this obsidian to be seen in the old tunnels beneath the mountain," the king told Sam. "Chunks of it, boulders, ledges. The great part of it was black, as I recall, but there was some green as well, some red, even purple. I have sent word to Ser Rolland my castellan to begin mining it. I will not hold Dragonstone for very much longer, I fear, but perhaps the Lord of Light shall grant us enough frozen fire to arm ourselves against these creatures, before the castle falls."
He considered Sam again. "I am told that you and this wildling girl passed beneath the Wall, through some magic gate."
You will show me this gate."
"I," said Sam, "I w-will, if . . ." If it is still there. If it will open for a man not of the black. If . . "You will," snapped Stannis. "I shall tell you when."
A Dance with Dragons - The Griffin Reborn:
He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance. Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that ~Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there.~ He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

The Battle – Takeaways from the POV’s:
Tyrion: Tyrion’s main takeaways were that the battle of Ashford was indecisive, and largely won by Tarly’s van before the main host arrived. He bristles at Tyrell taking credit.
Davos: Maester Pylos attributes Roberts loss to Lord Tyrell not Tarly
Samwell: Stannis describes Tarly as able. Mace claimed the honors for Ashford but Tarly decided matters before Mace found the battlefield. Sam was not the son he would have expected from Randyll. There are hints that Stannis respects Sam, and it can subsequently be inferred, does not respect Tarly.
Jon Connington: Killing Robert would have ended the war.

The battle – Analysis:

Ordinarily a van is the forward marching unit of an army. Its exact uses and troop composition varied substantially. Typical uses are as a pinning force (to engage before the main host arrives).
The van did not appear to pin the enemy army, the low number of hostages, and the fact the battle is described as indecisive is indica that Tarly scattered Roberts army ahead of the main force. When we consider this, it becomes apparent how catastrophic the engagement was. If the van was able to win so crushingly, any engagement that did NOT decide the battle before the main force arrived was like to end the war. Instead, Randyll wins ~personal glory~.
Roberts army retreated, with Robert holing up in the Stoney Sept, to regroup after the Battle of the Bells with said force winning the war. The only person to hold Tarly in high regard is Tyrion. Stannis describes him as able, Pylos attributes the win to Tyrell and JonCon points out the objective is to kill Robert, whom escaped (albeit injured).
A tangent – Sam and Stannis.
On the POV’s above, Sam is said to be ‘not the son that Stannis would expect from Randyll and a useful hostage if he hadn’t taken the black. The inference is there’s value in Sam being a Tarly. The other possible meaning, is that Sam himself is useful.
Between Stannis acting on the obsidian information, the fact Sam killed an other, and the black gate shenanigans Sam not being the son expected of Randyll could take a very different connotation. Randyll is able, Sam is intelligent. This also adds a little context to his exchange with Aemon. It could be argued Stannis wants Sam in his service, and that whole exchange is not actually about holding Sam over Randyll, but wanting Sam in his own right.
· Sam points out that the Black Gate may only open for a man of the black. Stannis snaps at Sam that Sam will show Stannis the game, after Aemon explicitly states that Sam has taken the black therefore Stannis cannot have him. In other words, Stannis is not concerned with whether the gate will open for him personally and only interrupts when Sam suggests it may not open, saying Sam will open it at a time of Stannis’s choosing.
If we take Stannis’s words in that meaning, his comments on Randyll become more pointed. The battle being decided before the main host arrived is not necessarily praise, and able is not a glowing compliment of Randyll’s ability. You are not the sort of son I would have expected at a surface level is an insult but could alternately be seen as praise.
Re-reading the chapter, Stannis holds Sam in high regard, and presses him for all kinds of information, on Dragonglass, Wights and The Black Gate. He questions showing Lightbringer to Aemon, but when Aemon says ‘Sam will be his eyes’, Stannis draws the sword. He drones on about his plans to Sam, despite being typically tight lipped. Heck, according to some popular theories, he’s playing games with Jon in every interaction (the Manifesto series of articles comes to mind), which makes this interaction with Sam even stranger.
Extending this further into the Jon and Sam chapters is beyond the scope of this article but I would be remiss not to mention a few key points
· It is immediately after this conversation with Stannis that Aemon suggests to Sam to rig the election
· According to a popular theory, Sam then rigs the election count for the nights watch on top of his meddling with the candidates
· Stannis is hinted to know this when he talks to Jon and points out the election wasn’t fair.
To sum up this tangent – because Sam was not the expected son of the merely able Randyll, and because Sam appears to be respected by Stannis, able may be a veiled insult.

An Interesting historical analogy (thanks Wikipedia). The Battle of Ashdown

As this is a AWOIAF forum not a historical forum, I won’t delve into history beyond the point of analogy. However the battle of Ashford has strong historical parallels to the battle at Ashdown. Rather than delve deeply, I will provide the relevant Wikipedia section, and a dot point list of parallels. I believe they are substantial enough to merit consideration.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Ashdown


Four days later, on about 8 January, the armies fought again at Ashdown. ~The Vikings arrived first at the battle ground and deployed along the top of the ridge, giving them the advantage.~ They divided their forces into two contingents, one under their kings, Bagsecg and Halfdan, the other under their earls. When the West Saxons heard this from their scouts, they decided to copy the formation, with Æthelred facing the kings and Alfred the earls. ~The king then retired to his tent to hear Mass, while Alfred led his forces to the battlefield~. Both sides formed their forces into shield walls. Æthelred would not cut short his devotions and ~Alfred risked being outflanked and overwhelmed~ ~by the whole Danish army. He decided to attack and led his men in an uphill charge.~ Battle then raged around a small thorn tree and finally the West Saxons were victorious. ~Although both the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle and Asser emphasise Alfred's role in the victory, in the view of Richard Abels it was the attack by Æthelred when he joined the battle which was decisive and he might have intended all along to take the Vikings unawares~**.** They suffered heavy losses, including King Bagsecg and five earls, Sidroc the Old, Sidroc the Younger, Osbern, Fræna, and Harold. The West Saxons pursued the fleeing Vikings until nightfall, cutting them down. ~However, victory proved short-lived, as it was followed by two defeats, at Basing and Meretun.~ Soon after Easter, which fell on 15 April in that year, Æthelred died and was succeeded by Alfred.[7]
· Ashdown sounds like Ashford.
· A fraction of the force (the van) attacked the opposing army – and won.
· It was suggested that the attack of the second force is what actually won the day, rather than the first battling force that won the glory. This is not dissimilar to Tarly getting the glory but Mace being the actual lead commander.
· The battle was followed by two defeats (akin to the Battle of the Bells and the Battle of the Trident, soon after the war being lost)
· This was Alfred the Great's first major victory over the Viking invaders, similar to the first win against Robert

~Ashford in Summary~
Between our historical analogy, and our POV chapters, Ashford may not be the grand accomplishment for Tarly that the in world characters think of him. In fact, had he pinned the force or waited for Mace Tyrell, the war could have likely ended. Nobody speaks of his brilliance, with Pylos and Stannis hinting that it was Mace’s win and that Tarly was merely able, Tyrion saying it was indecisive, and JonCon pointing out that killing Robert ends the war.
Ashford was the single best opportunity to end the war, and basically all Tarly had to do was hold Roberts host in place before the main host of Mace arrived. Arguably, he didn’t even have to engage, and could have just waited around. His ‘victory’ turned Mace’s strategic and tactical brilliance into a small, indecisive victory.

Advising Renly - The Rising Sun

I have clipped the quotes here for space reasons
Context: Renly has gathered a massive host. Stannis has besieged storms end with a small force about 1/20 or less the size of Renly’s. Negotiations have failed and Renly is planning his attack on Stannis with his generals.
What we Know: Tarly is ignored and overlooked at every turn.

The Rising Sun

"And have it said that I won by treachery, with an unchivalrous attack? Dawn was the chosen hour."
"Chosen by Stannis," Randyll Tarly pointed out. "He'd have us charge into the teeth of the rising sun. We'll be half-blind."
"Only until first shock," Renly said confidently. "Ser Loras will break them, and after that it will be chaos."
I preface this section with a historical sidenote – the direction the sun rises and the directions of the winds are very real battle concerns in medieval history. This is not some ASOIAF chicanery nor Tarly inventing some reason, but a real battle tactic. Using the sun to hinder an enemy is a known stratagem.
That said, Renly totally disregards it.
In multiple texts we see how the ‘Chivalry of the South’ has rallied to renly. He specifically says that chivalrous part was the least part of his power. His army outnumbers stannis over 20 to 1. Stannis has light cavalry in boiled leather against Renly’s armoured knights, let alone the questionable loyalty of some of Stannis’s force.
Even a relatively costly battle is trivial to Renly’s force, but the presence of another potential king is dangerous. Looking at Renly’s wider strategy his reasons to stay honourable are obvious. He gathers ‘all the chivalry of the south’, and has many, many lords looking to him for reward. Not going at the chosen hour may be militarily superior, but it could result in a number of poor outcomes. No battle at all leaves stannis in tact, and breaking his word could result in the ‘chivalry of the south’ not being as committed as they currently are. Finally, he has no claim – just an army. Stannis is a very real problem, as Stannis actually does have a claim. He needs to deal with his brother.
From Renly’s perspective, Stannis directly meeting his forces on the battlefield is an act of insanity. If he can remove the threat of stannis in a single pitched open field battle, that is of immense strategic value. The sunlight is a single tactical factor (the value in the ASOIAF world to which is hard to evaluate).
I think it is a reasonable interpretation that Tarly, whilst technically correct is thinking far too narrowly. At present Renly has overwhelming numerical superiority, a higher quality of troop and momentum in the war of the 5 kings. He faces a small enemy force, with a stronger claimant than himself.

They Should Do Battle
"Your Grace, I see no need for battle here," Lord Mathis Rowan put in…
~"And have men say I feared to face Stannis?"~
~"Only fools will say that~~,"~ Lord Mathis argued….
~"I say that Stannis is a danger to you~," Lord Randyll Tarly declared
(god bless you Randyll Tarly)

A Clash of Kings - Catelyn III
All the chivalry of the south rides with me, and that is the least part of my power. My foot is coming behind, a hundred thousand swords and spears and pikes. And you will destroy me? With what, pray?
~"And have it said that I won by treachery, with an unchivalrous attack? Dawn was the chosen hour."~
"Castles and courtesies will not appease him, he must have blood. Well, I am of a mind to grant his wish."
~"Lord Mathis, you shall lead the center of my main battle. Bryce, you'll have the left. The right is mine. Lord Estermont, you shall command the reserve."~

~---~

So Randyll isn’t actually proposing they do battle, he’s copying the words of Renly. A subtle bit of humour (if you share my interpretation) is when Lord Mathis says only fools will say Renly feared Stannis, about 5 seconds later Tarly explains why Renly should fear Stannis. Amusingly, Mathis is given a command (the centre) and Tarly isn’t here.
If we assume that Tarly isn’t held in the highest regard, the comments very much appear tongue in cheek. Despite being of the same opinion as Renly (and there’s an argument he’s just copying what Renly already said), he still manages to walk into an insult. Now on the other hand, maybe his opinion is highly valued. But time and time again we see Renly disregard and slight Tarly, ignoring his advice and denying him a command. As such, I posit it is more probable that this is a subtle jab.

Polticking with Caitlyn

~"I call it weak." Lord Randyll Tarly had a short, bristly grey beard and a reputation for blunt speech. "No disrespect to you, Lady Stark, but it would have been more seemly had Lord Robb come to pay homage to the king himself, rather than hiding behind his mother's skirts."~
"King Robb is warring, my lord," Catelyn replied with icy courtesy, "not playing at tourney."
Renly grinned. ~"~~Go softly, Lord Randyll, I fear you're overmatched."~
…
So once more we see Renly silencing Tarly, albeit in a playful tone. Additionally, Renly treats Caitlyn with substantially more respect than Randyll. Albeit he still threatens here, but there’s a strong inference Randyll’s approach is wrong.

Dispositions and Tactics

Rowan and Tarly are seen in Renly’s tent speaking of dispositions and tactics. One could argue this infers competence. Another fair argument is it infers a level of collaboration between Rowan and Tarly.
The excellent analysis in the article series Blood of the Conqueror has predicted Rowan and Tarly going over to the Aegon cause. Now I’m not going to get too much into that here (as this is a battle analysis), but Rowan and Tarly are in many ways complimentary to one another, both are Tyrell Bannermen, and as the story progresses we see reasons for them to become unruly. Given the total lack of description beyond this sentence, I would argue this shows a closeness between Tarly and Rowan moreso than any genius tactical mind from either.

Summary:

So we see Tarly here very much looked over by Renly. The only character not apparently treating him like a buffoon is Rowan, whom can be argued to be of questionable loyalty (again I harp back to the Blood of the Conqueror theories). Even then we have the quip from rowan that infers Tarly isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Battle of the Blackwater

A Clash of Kings - Sansa VII
…golden rose and golden lion and all the others, the Marbrand tree and the Rowan**~, Tarly's huntsman~** and Redwyne's grapes and Lady Oakheart's leaf. All the westermen, all the power of Highgarden and Casterly Rock! ~Lord Tywin himself had their right wing~ on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and ~Mace Tyrell the left,~ but the vanguard won the fight
A Storm of Swords - Catelyn II
"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. ~Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly~ near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, ~where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges~. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear."

Analysis

Tarly in command over Rowan:
· Firstly we see Tarly in command of the centre rather than Rowan
· Tarly is completely screwed here. Given larger command, sent off to duskendale then his inheritance castle taken under him
· We don’t hear of Tarly doing much of anything in the battle – but we do hear of the analogous flanks.

WHY DOES MACE AND TYWIN PREFER TARLY
Tarly shares the brutal tactics of Tywin
Rowan is more intelligent (hence the earlier fool conversation and being chosen for Renly’s force). The earlier conversations between Rowan and Tarly indicate this. Note that in the aftermath, Tarly has one of his prizes (Brightcastle) essentially stripped away when he was off to another battle. One wonders if Rowan would have fallen for the same chicanery. If Tarly was present, there’s good argument this may not have been doable.
Although we only hear of it later, Rowan’s emotions play on his face at least a little. We know that he has at least a little animosity towards Tywin Re the Targaryen babes.
Tyrion watched the faces of the Lords Tyrell, Redwyne, and Rowan, wondering if any of the three would be bold enough to say, "But Lord Tywin, wasn't it you who presented the bodies to Robert, all wrapped up in Lannister cloaks?" None of them did, but it was there on their faces all the same. Redwyne does not give a fig, he thought, but Rowan looks fit to gag. -ASOS, Tyrion III

Tyrell and Tywin Mirrored
On the two flanks of the army, Tywin and Mace Tyrell take mirrored positions. Garlan takes the van and Tarly the center (note this is mirrored with Rowan in the center in Renly’s army and Tarly not having a command.)
Although a stretch, Renly was concerned with appearances and the treatment of Stannis’s body. This fits far more with the personality of Rowan than we have seen of the ‘kill everyone’ attitude of Tarly.
Logistical Victory by MACE – boats and bitterbridge
Logistically, the battle is won by Mace Tyrell (whom I love as a character) with a fleet of barges and a huge host already in position (allowing the army to cross quickly enough to intercept the battle of the blackwater). Also the messenger that draws in Tywin’s host comes from Bitterbridge – Tyrell Lands. Given the van wins the battle, there’s a fair argument that Mace could have won the battle alone, albeit with all the support he wins a crushing victory instead.

We hear the van won the fight (with a tyrell in it)
First the parallels. Mace Tyrell is paralleled to Tywin on the two flanks. It is a tyrell in the van who decides the day. Randyll commands the center.
So Randyll is relegated to an important, but ultimately ancillary position. Whether the battle is won by Tywin or Mace (and by all logistical accounts, it’s Mace), is another question, but the ‘finest soldier in the seven kingdoms’ is once again, somewhat ineffectual. He still commands the center in such a battle, but he displays no logistical or battle prowess (worth of text inclusion) in this fight either, just being a renowned commander in the right place at the right time. He is lumped in with the ‘other lesser lords’ when doling out rewards.

Duskendale and lesser beasts

Summary

· Lord Randyll defeats a northern army. The army is mostly foot and misplaced. It seems to be around a few thousand.
· This time, about half appear to escape bloodied – Clegane cuts off the retreat.
· Some theories say Tarly/Tywin was tipped off by Roose Bolton.
· This time he gets the commander
· Fifth occurs in FIELDS AND FARMS. Bad terrain for a retreat. Glover TRAPPED against blackwater bay
· Note that Glover had to be captured lest bolton treachery be revealed. Cannot be allowed to send raven.
· Strong implication of a trap and tipoff

Quotes

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV
When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart, he might have been expected to rage.

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII
Lord Randyll Tarly held Maidenpool, Duskendale, and the kingsroad.
A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III
"No," their father said. "With the war. Varys."
Yesterday at dawn our ~brave Lord Randyll caught Robett Glover outside Duskendale and trapped him against the sea. Losses were heavy on both sides, but in the end our loyal men prevailed. Ser Helman Tallhart is reported dead, with a thousand others. Robett Glover leads the survivors back toward Harrenhal in bloody disarray, little dreaming he will find valiant Ser Gregor and his stalwarts athwart his path."~
A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I
~As for Stark, the boy is still in the west, but a large force of northmen under Helman Tallhart and Robett Glover are descending toward Duskendale. I've sent Lord Tarly to meet them, while Ser Gregor drives up the kingsroad to cut off their retreat.~ Tallhart and Glover will be caught between them, with a third of Stark's strength."
A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV
"A third of my foot, lost for Duskendale?"
"The ironmen have my castle and now the Lannisters hold my brother," Galbart Glover said, in a voice thick with despair. Robett Glover had survived the battle, but had been captured near the kingsroad not long after.
A Feast for Crows - Brienne II ~Lord Randyll Tarly had commanded Joffrey's army, made up of westermen and stormlanders and knights from the Reach. Those men of his who had died here had been carried back inside the walls, to rest in heroes' tombs beneath the septs of Duskendale. The northern dead, far more numerous, were buried in a common grave beside the sea~. Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. Brienne stopped beside it and said a silent prayer for them, and for Catelyn Stark and her son Robb and all the men who'd died with them as well.

Analysis

Firstly we start with the obvious comparison. Tarly lets Robert escape when Mace otherwise very nearly won the war. Given another chance, Randyll pins his enemy against the sea and plans to not let a man escape. Having somewhat surrounded the opponent on known land, with reinforcements (Clegane) behind him, he still manages to suffer heavy casualties, and the target escapes.
What a colossal mistake. The only good news is he intercepted enough of the force that it seems no ravens got sent off showing exactly what happened, as if one message got back, the whole red wedding could have been undone.
Now prior posts have analyzed duskendale about allowing paths of retreat, and number of losses, but I think there are three key takeaways
· The stark contrast between this and his tactics at Ashford
· The fact that he failed to capture the host and Gregor Clegane had to clean up the mess
· The fact he suffered heavy losses when by all rights he had every advantage (and still failed to capture the army)
Interestingly, the message that gets to Robb is that Tarly shattered glover. The actual message from Varys is only 1000 were killed, with Tallhart. Now its difficult to say how many foot there were, but it’s not unreasonable to assume that 1000 is less than to around half the force. Clegane captures Glover in the aftermath (thankfully), and Robb gets the report that Tarly shattered the force, when in actuality a good chunk of it was Clegane.
As a sidenote- this is indicative that Clegane actually isn’t a bad commander, and in turn this makes the fact that Edmure Tully threw him back more impressive.
We also don’t hear of any captives other than the ones taken by Clegane. It appears Tarly is putting men to the sword (we know he did this with the florents).
Now before we get into conspiracy theories, we see Glover in ADWD conspiring with Madderly to help the starks and Stannis, so it seems this was not some cunning scheme where he secretly got himself captured.
Interestingly, the graves Brienne sees seem to indicate a crushing victory for Tarly, like the one described by Robb. This however is at odds with the report of Varys, and the fact Clegane had to mop up the leftover army. Now there are a few possibilities for this. Varys could be wrong/lying, heavy losses is being thrown around as a relative term (but that seems suspect), or the total of Tarly dead and Clegane’s role is being hidden. The last seems the most likely, Robb hears of a crushing defeat led by Tarly not Clegane (which we know is at least partially false), the dead he kills don’t add up, and there’s no mention of Clegane whom definitely did some of the work.
Also even assuming the whole situation is true and Tarly killed men at a 2/1 ratio, this assumes there are 500 heroes tombs under the septs at Duskendale. Simply put, there may not be that many. The whole aftermath stinks of a coverup. Tarly is getting Cleganes credit (and interestingly, it’s around now that Tywin decides not to give Clegane to oberyn).
Finally we get to the tinfoily bit. Helman garrisoned with Walder Frey to make sure he kept peace. Of the two lords, Helman is arguably more problematic, he knows more of Frey habits (when Tywin is scheming a betrayal) and his nephew is a possible hornwood claimant (cough Roose cough). If there was a conspiracy to kill one and ransom the other – I can see a world where Talhart is the one to be killed. In all reality though, this is a bit too ambitious, and in reality one just died and one escaped – without some super scheme that Tarly was involved in.
So in summary – once again Tarly fails his mission. At best, he bloodies an out of position army whilst taking heavy casualties, with his reinforcements on the way, and half the army breaks free (admittedly into Clegane). This is not a great display of prowess. We also know its possible to capture these men as hostages, as Clegane successfully does so – and Tarly fails to once again. Now it’s not catastrophic as the Northerners are bleeding men and trading troops tit for tat is beneficial, but the battle itself (the thing Randyll is in charge of) is highly unimpressive. The strategic victory goes to Tywin, whom in truth entrusts it as much to Gregor Clegane as to Tarly. As it so happens, Clegane delivers and Tarly doesn’t.

A summary as a commander

Talk about failing upwards
Charging ahead, he is able to turn a crushing win into an indecisive one which ultimately leads to Roberts Rebellion succeeding
He gives counsel to Renly about the sun when renly knows that the sheer strength of his cavalry makes the issue moot. Renly all but ignores him.
He doesn’t appear to do much during the battle of the blackwater
He manages to mess up essentially an ambush at Duskendale. Despite reinforcements being on the way
As a result of the 4 above points, he is given, lands, titles, honors and a position on the small council.
Upon actually reviewing his achievements and each individual battle, I’ve 180’d on Tarly. George RR Martin does a great job building him up, and having everyone describe him as a great commander, but actually unpacking his battles, he looks pretty underwhelming. The most important battle he won was Ashford, but that was a strategic catastrophe which otherwise could have potentially let Mace Tyrell win the war. Afterwards he’s carefully managed, with Renly outright dismissing him, Mace keeping the key positions of command in other people’s hands and Tywin going so far as to dispatch a trusted force behind him in the event he fails again – WHICH HE DOES.
He also has a lot of analogies to Mathis Rowan, which we will get to. Both have been posited in Blood of the Conquerer as possible Aegon supporters. I think the books have very much set this up.

So I just gave birth 8 months ago, and the year before that, I got divorced because my husband cheated on me but it was a messy divorce and only my closest family members knew about it... And some friends who I eventually had to inform about it.
After giving birth, my bestfriend of 20+ years reached out to me to check my baby through facetime. She lives in another state. I was still in the hospital at that time, dealing with complications from giving birth. I told her I will contact her when I’m all settled.
Like maybe 1-2 months after that, I was dealing with some post partum depression. I was of course posting photos of my little one on social media for my family members and friends to see who are from outside the country. This bestfriend NEVER reached out again... But I didn’t think anything out of it as I was also really busy being a first time mom.
Then occassionaly my bestfriend would post quotes on her instagram about disrespect, etc. But she never really reached out and never liked any of my baby’s photos I post online... Come December, I sent her a card with my baby’s picture in it and I also gifted her a bookmark customized with her name on it we would give gifts to each other every year on Christmas)... But 2-3 weeks later, heard none from her saying she received the card or the gift. I messaged her after 3 weeks to check if she received and she said yes - 2 days after, I got an amazon box with a water bottle container and a baby gift.... Ok, so it’s probably a gift she sent out of guilt? But that is not the whole point of my story here.
Then I messaged her and thanked her for that. Christmas eve came, I am bothered that she NEVER liked any of my baby’s recent pics but she liked my nephew’s pics instead. Something is off now... I messaged her saying that I feel like we are growing apart (something like that), and she gor furioused...
Saying that I have no time to message her after I gave birth or didn’t tell her about what happened to my ex husband and I who inmy defenss, I also didn’t tell any of my friends about it because it seriously put me in my darkest hour dealing with divorce while pregnant... Then she started bringing up stuff in the past, things she did not like about me or what I did which btw I did not really know about this until that day.
And yes after that, I just found it very immature of her. She is single, no kids... No commitment or no responsibilities. I don’t expect her to understand what I’m going through but gaslighting me like that is a whole new level.
What do you think? Am I in the wrong?

(Originally posted in CharlotteDobreYouTube)
Have I got a boomer story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
ETA: we are no longer moving anywhere close to her. If anything, we'd move in the opposite direction.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

Long story short: I got a vasectomy yesterday morning. I know I don't want kids. It's just never been an aspiration of mine, not even in my happiest moments when I'm with my nephew whom I share a birthday with. Not even when I would watch him and his father (my brother) playing and having a good time. That "want" just has never been there for me. Additionally, I don't want every sexual interaction I have with a girl to be ruined in my head by the fear of a condom breaking, no matter how effective it may be. So I felt the best option would be to have this procedure done.
In the minutes leading up to me walking into my doctor's office, I felt fear stop me in my tracks, contemplating getting back in my car and going home. But I pressed on and was in the procedure room in less than five minutes. The doctor was very casual and professional, starting a conversation with me and going from there. But at the first sensation of the anesthetic needle going in, panic nearly overcame me and I started to hyperventilate a bit. Not enough to cause alarm for the doctor, mind you. But enough that he gently ushered me to just breathe normally. And I slowly got better. There were a few other moments of discomfort, but the procedure was done in about 20 minutes I reckon.
But as soon as I got to my car, I cried more than I have in a long, long time. Even when I've been at my lowest, I just don't really cry. But I legitimately was like this for a few minutes. I even wished my dad was there with me just for comfort (he's on a cruise with my mother). But I managed to collect myself and got home safe.
And yet, after only a few hours and into today, I've hardly thought about it. Granted I've been busy doing things around the house. But it's like my brain has come to the realization of "You were crying over something so trivial. You're fine". And I am fine, physically anyway. Mild pain and that's it.
But I thought about Seneca's quote above and how I, to use the old phrase, made a mountain out of a molehill. Yes this is a life altering procedure. But waking up this morning and realizing the worst was now behind me, and that this fear I had has gone...it's liberating. Truly.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

So once again it's about my sister who I'm forced to live with because I have nowhere else to go and her god awful son who I oftan shudder to call my nephew due to his abhorrent behavior. Not only does she combat defending myself with (you talk to much) I'm not allowed to have any opinion while living here. While listeing to Elton John - I'm still standing despite Loving it before finding out it was about his struggles as a gay man, AND I QUOTE "I don't want my son's to grow up f____ts". If I'm being completely honest I kinda considering just being homeless, But IM STILL STANDING. Yeah yeah yeah
Also: Had to heavily Edit this so it doesn't get removed again, if it does fuck it at least I wrote my feelings down. Freedom of speech isn't free.

Hello fellow potatoes! And to the potato queen herself, girl, you're amazing!!! I just found your channel a few months ago, but I'm a huge fan. I don't have a lot of time for videos, but when I do get to watch, I watch yours.
Have I got a boomemil story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?
EDIT: I realized that this post may have appeared as me venting more than asking for perspective since my mind was already made up about going full NC, but the reason I pose AITA is in reference to the timing. My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time…So, I am torn between if did the right thing by putting myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

UNMARKED SPOILERS BELOW, I will sadly go into spoiler territorry so often the post would look like a bad SCP Foundation article if I tried to black out every single one.
First thing I thought upon finding out about the Wizard Three in Sigil, was an opportunitty to include more iconic characters. As we learned more about their role I noticed several complaints about them. Like, "why are we having epic level NPCs relegating the work to mid-level party"? Or "isn't Tasha evil? What is she doing here?" Or "how the hell did Kas fool Tasha, who knows Mordekainen very well?". And so an idea to fix these issues all at once presented itself to me.
In this version of adventure, the PCs are summonned not by Wizard Three, but Wizard Nine. Nine iconic, high-level wizards or other magic users from across D&D worlds or even beyond. They were all summonned to Sigil,to each tap into one of Outer Planes of appriopriate aligment and channel that power into Wish, so symbolically the Will of the entire multiverse wished of Vecna's death. You could even call it something like "Wish of All", make it some greatest magic avialable, maybe something you can only cast from Sigil, center of all. This kind of metaphysical 90's-Vertigo/Mage the Ascension level stuff is what I think of when I think of Planescape.
Once the Wish of All fails, the wizards realize it means one of them must not be who they claim, but an imposter misaligned with their designated plane, possibly an agent of Vecna. So they immediatelly lock themselves in Sanctuary - only PCs can enter and leave because they weren't in the room during the casting. And every time they return with next piece of the Rod, they find Wizards in most disfunctional game of Among Us ever, often probably erupting into violence - this is nine geniuses working AGAINST each other, as everyone suspects everyone. Obviously all these people are warded against all common means of discovering an impostor - Zone of Truth, mind-reading, etc - because you don't get to be this powerful of a Wizard without guarding all your secrets safer than national treasures.
Now, you could keep the original reveal, where Mordekainen is the imposter. If you do, I would advocate against bringing any magic users who know him, like Tasha, Elminster, Storm Silverhand or Dalamar the Dark. If you decide to change the imposter's identity, you can happily bring in some of them, but I would avoid those who know each other (so if you want Elminster, then no Mordekainen or Dalamar).
Evil characters can work with this group because of several reasons, which they should be open about. They may vary from "You think I don't realize that, alongside everyone else, Vecna is going to screw ME over?", through "uppity gods need to be put in their place, especially this one" to "I would love what the guy is promising to do to all creation, but I'm not bending my knee to NOBODY!".
Below is a list of proposed characters to use from as many worlds I could think of. I will be coming back to this post to add more names and more worlds with further research, potentially going even beyond strictly WotC settings. You can drop your own suggestions, I will happily add them to the list with next edit. All requirements are that the character is able to cast 9th level Arcane spells, or has reputation backing up that they should, If you have any notes for potential DM willing to use them, please provide them as well.
Eberron - I noticed most of suggestions for Eberron are of evil variety, due to the setting's lack of high-level heroic NPCs (with two exceptions that cannot leave their seats of power), but we'll work with what we have

• Mordain the Fleshweaver is the most popular suggestion, being a rare 18th level Wizard in Eberron, Chaotic Evil type. An issue is that Mordain is often used, and even recommended by Keith Baker to be used, as Eberron's stand-in for Vecna. If you wanna run adventures with Hand or Eye of Vecna in Eberron, they are hand and Eye of Mordain. This may disqualify him, but you could alternatively play into it. Have Mordain rant Vecna is "ripping him off!" or call the lich "a pale immitation of true dark sorcery".
• Hektula is Keith Baker's personal choice for a stand-in for Tasha. She is a powerful Rakshasa Archmage, with passion for collecting forbidden tomes of dark magic, serving one of the Overlords and firmly Lawful Evil. I certainly could see some laughs when wizards realize there's an impostor among them and all eyes turn towards Hektula, who goes "Of course, blame the shapeshifter!".
• I have seen floated around idea for Sora Kell or her three daughters. The Daughters canonically, in 3rd edition, had levels 10 or 11 on top of being half-fiend Hags. You could maybe handwave that they get to cast 9th level spells as a coven. Sora Kell is more ambigious, with no statblock and her lore giving vibes of Baba Yaga and fans compare her to Demon Lords in power level. Personally I feel she would stand out too much.

Exandria (Critical Role) - most Exandria characters don't reach this high level - even Circle of Brass from Calamity were level 15. However, I found two options to provide a bit of fanservice for any critters at your table, both Chaotic Good:

• The Mighty Nein Reunion got us level 20 versions of Caleb Widogast, a great excuse for a DM to do their best Liam O'Brian impression of angsty, traumatized bi diseaster wizard, who really wishes he was back with his boyfriend, instead of being trapped here with all those assholes. Bonus point for his backstory potentially making him more distrustfull of other members of the Nine.
• Not a wizard but a Bard, but if you want to bend a defintion a bit, Scanlan Shorthalt could be pulled out from a moment in time before he lost an ability to cast Wish. Considering this happens in final episode of Campaign 1 and their final enemy was Vecna, it would be thematically appriopriate.
• u/LarameeDND had suggested two additional characters I didn't think of. First of which is Marinet Ludinus Da'leth, whom they describe as "likely the strongest mage on the Wildemount Continent", possibly the oldest mage alive, and a character whom Campaign 3 fans will certainly despise. It may be interesting to make it clear he's been picked from a point in time between campaigns 2 and 3, so he can make some cryptic references. He is canonically Lawful Evil and while he may have no love for the Gods, he cares for mortals, so he may talk about how he "watched the world burn at Gods' behest" once and won't do it again and similiar remarks. Guy's very quotable. Also, if you want to emphasise Wizard hubris in them trying the Wish to begin with, I would suggest making it his idea, it fits.
• Second suggestion was The Bright Queen Leylas Kryn, Empress of the Kryn Dynasty, who prolonged her life thanks to reincarnating like eight of times, allowing her to, quote, "master most of the magics as well as developed a madness". Her official aligment is Lawful Neutral.

Krynn (Dragonlance)

• Raistlin Majere is by FAR the most iconic character of the entire Dragonlance, the go to if you want to include a Dragonlance character. Dragonlance Saga 15th anniversarry lists his aligment as Neutral, while 3rd edition book Legends of the Twins lits him as a Neutral Evil - the latter is after he becomes Master of Time and Present, powerful enough to be included.
• Dalamar the Dark - after Raistlin's demise, Dalamar was touted as new most powerful wizard, even matched with Mordekainen and Elminster to form original Wizard Three. He is also listed as Neutral Evil, but I would argue he could be Lawful Evil.
• Fistandantilus - the greatest wizard before Raistlin, he is also Neutral Evil, but I woudl argue he's more Chaotic Evil, due to his tendency to backstab other wizards to steal their power. I honestly cannot see this guy working in this adventure, he seems like he would try to bodyjack someone and get 8 Desintegrates to the face. He could be a new choice for an impostor, and I may revisit ths idea in the future.
• Phalin Majere - if you want a good-aligned representative of Krynn, Raistlin's nephew, Phalin is basically a magical prodigy, chosen one and firmly Lawful Good. The issue may be that it may be hard to find a time where he is powerful enough to be here, but before Wizard magic on Krynn went away (because all Gods, including Gods of magic, f*ed off to space and then had the whole planet stolen from under their noses by Takhisis) and he had to reclass to Sorcerer, starting all the way from the bottom. On the other hand, this may be a good hint he's been replaced by an impostor...
• u/doppelganger3301 suggested Fizban, who could certainly be fun, but there is one problem - Fizban is a god Paladine in disguise. The moment he shows up in Sigil, Lady of Pain will start throwing hands. You could potentially use Paladine from end of War of Souls Trilogy, when he gave up his divinity, but I do not know enough about that Paladine to be able to tell if he can still assume form of Fizban or has access to high level magic anymore.

Magic the Gathering - there are many worlds in this franchise, but they're often very shallow, so I will group this stuff together. I do feel that Magic Worlds have been enough part of D&D that inclusion of

• My first pick would be Liliana Vess, originally from Dominaria, nowadays hanging out on Arcavios, home world of Strixheaven. Strixheaven book lists her as true neutral, and she has a history full of twists and turns where this character development from original evil could be justified. Personality-wise she could be the easiest quick replacement for Tasha, even if you don't feel like putting in the whole group of nine wizards. She has similiar dark, but morally ambigious demeanor, has been through her share of apocalypses and her face turn is noticeably more beleivable. I would advise against putting her in one group with Tasha, for similair reasons - too much overlap. Also if you have player bringing back a Curricullum of Chaos PC for this game, I can only imagine their jaw drop upon seeing "Professor Vess" among greatest wizards in the Multiverse. "Hey look, it's Merlin. Gandalf, Doctor Strange and...my chemistry teacher?" kinda vibe.
• Teferi Akosa, originally from Dominaria, now his homeland of Zalfir became a separate plane. He was always extremely powerful, what with accidentially phasing his whole country out of time and space. He was always heroic and good intended, but often prone of getting unwaranted suspictions from others, which makes him good for this kind of plot - not the first time he will be, with frustration, trying to convince bunch of assholes, each one of whom thinkd themselves smarter than everyone else, to listen to reason.
• From Ravnica we could pull either Jace Beleren or the dragon-mage Niv-Mizzet, during their respective time as the Living Guildpact, representative of all Ten Guilds of Ravnica. In this position they could fit well for neutral-aligned places of aligment chart, Jace leaning towards Neutral Good or Lawful Neutral somewhat more. With how beloved Ravnice was as a 5e setting, I suspect the inclusion here would be a nice touch.
• Speaking of Dragons, here is a crazy idea - Nicol Bolas, one of greatest villains in Magic as Chaotic Evil representative. Okay, it may be not a good idea, I cannot imagine a situation where he doesn't try to hijack the plot and take Vecna's place, or just kill everyone when the problem of potential traitor arises. Still, the idea of this really evil demigod-drgon being his petty, snarky self towards other iconic characters is kinda funny. That being said, he may also be the impostor posing as someone else on this list. But that too would be a big change to the plot I may revisit once.
• For a reach more into Magic's past, we have Urza, original protagonist of this franchise. He would fit well into Lawful Neutral or even Lawful Evil role, considering last time he dedicated himself to stop multiversal-level threat, original Phyrexia, his means quickly "begun resembling Phyrexian ends". This is the guy who, in attempt to save the world, honestly tried to, to quote the Lorebrarians, "out-eugenics a wizard nazi". Seriously, so much of Magic lore can be summed up with words "Local Man Ruins Everything" and a picture of Urza.
• A different type of Magic candidate is Jodah, ultrapowerful Archmage who is not a planeswalker like others on this list, but had to often maneuver around them, so he is used to having to outsmart powerful people. He represents all colors of mana so he would fit for any of middle collum positions, Neutral or Neutral Good probably.
• Jodah's old associate, Jaya Ballard, could also work very well, considering she did eventually became so powerful, some planes confused her with a diety and established religions to her. She strikes me as a Neutral Good candidate.

Mystara - one of my beloved classic worlds, poses an issue because it never conformed to classic 9-types aligment, instead opting for lawful (defined as "altruistic") and chaotic ("selfish"). A rare exception, 2e book Glantri: Kingdom of Magic, was a big help here, I managed to crib some extra information from Champions of Mystara and Dawn of the Emperors.

• Prince Haldemar of Haaken - protagonist of series of short stories "Voyage of Princess Ark". Daring explorer, captain of flying ship Princess Ark, hero of Empire of Alphatia. Champions of Mystara describes him as good and heroic but having "typical Alphatian chaotic thendencies". As such I'd lean towards Chaotic Good or Neutral Good.
• Bargle the Infamous - Chaotic Evil, full stop. If D&D ever had something close to the Joker, it was Bargle. Bargle was originally an evil wizard who kills mentolove interest of the player in an introductory adventure of Red Box, but this made him enemy #1 of whole generations of players and elevated to the status of, argurably, first iconic evil wizard of the game. I would be wary of using him, as any D&D veteran or grognard may forget about Vecna in favor of trying to strangle the guy with his bare hands. As the true identity of the impostor, on the other hand...
• Demetrion Karagentreropolus - most powerful Archmage in Empire of Thyatis (think: fantasy Roman Empire), he is of lawful aligment and described as sometiems working secretly to undermine Emperor's decisions, but only the ones he finds to be bad for the Empire and its people. As such he could slot as Lawful Good.
• Empress Eriadna the Wise of Alphatia - current Empress of Alphatia, canonically of Neutral aligment, but Icould argue Lawful Neutral too, she rules most powerful empire in the world and probably haven't conquered all of it only because her subjects care more for magical research and getting high. She's 80-years old, but a lot of powerful people in Mystara gorge on potions of longevity.
• Prince Zandor - 40-years old son of empress Eriadna, described as "chaos personified", his aligment is literally described as "Chaotic (very)". Thanks to Mr. Welch, it became popular to play him as wizard version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Use him if you want a comic relief.
• Master Terari - former Emperor of Alphatia, he abdicated in favor of Eriadna and disappeared, he now runs magic school in a small kingdom of Karameikos, and is working to ascend to Immortality (basically godhood without calling it so, I won't be getting into differences here).
• Principalities of Glantri have multiple Princes of various inds of aligment. I will list those of high enoguh level, but two I would avoid are Eitienne d'Amberville and Jaggar von Drachenfels, since they are actually disguised Immortals (Rad, patron of magic and Diamond, discount Bahamut, respectively, that second one is somewhat ambigious but not worth getting into details). Immortals officially aren't Gods, but this can sometimes be a distinction without difference, so I cannot see them showing up in Sigil without Lady of Pain nuking the whole building.
• Princess Carnelia de Belcadiz y Fedorias (Lawful Neutral, would be considered most beutiful woman if the world if people weren't terrified of er short temper combined with huge magical power) and Princess Carlotina Erewan (LG, considered of dubious trust due to her divided loyalities between Glantri and Elven Kingdom of Alfheim) rule two Elven principalities, the latter rules more traditional Elves, the former's subjects are...Spanish Elves. Yes, really. They do not like each other, it often feels like they'd go to war over what kind of trees should grow in the kingdom.
• On the evil side we have Prince Morphail Gorevitch-Woszlany (wizard Nosferatu, which is like Vampire with less weaknesses, think Strahd on steroids), Princess Dolores Hilsbury (actually Synn the Night Dragon, final boss of classic beat'em up game Shadows Over Mystara, in disguise) and Prince Brannart McGregor (lich, he's actually from real-world Scotland, I kid you not). All three are Chaotic Evil and hide their true nature, though considering Morphail looks like he walked out of set of Dracula, they aren't trying very hard. May be good for a red herring due to that fact.
• Rounding Glantri princes we have Prince Jherek Virayana, Neutral, master of illusions. He deflected to Glantri from their mortal enemies, Ethengar Khanates (think Gengis Khan's Mongols, with serial numbers filled off), so he is used to being under suspiction for treachery.

Oerth (Greyhawk)

• I don't want to spend much time on Oerth since I suspect anyone using this will use either Mordekainen and/or Tasha, who are already in the module. But some alternatives could be any of wizards who have spells named after them - Bigby is Neutral, Tenser is Lawful Good, Leomund is Lawful Neutral or Lawful Good, Nystrul is Neutral, Rary is Neutral Evil.
• If we want to go beyond that, next two iconic magic users from Oerth would be...Acererak and Vecna. I see a bit of a problem here, not gonna lie.

Toril (Forgotten Realms)

• Alustriel was already included. She and her five sisters (not counting Dove Silverhand, who is a Ranger, and a Ghost) all fit similair role as "big good immortal sorcerress". With exception of Alassra Silverhand a.k.a. Simbul the Witch-Queen, who is Chaotic Neutral, they're all Chaotic Good, so I see little point switching Alustriel for another one if you want CG spot to be fit by someone from Toril. If you keep the twist unchanged from the module, I would also be wary of using Storm Silverhand, who, according to Ed Greenwood, helped real Mordekainen recover after his role in Curse of Strahd and has a "friends with benefits" relationship with him.
• On a second thought, I will make a very specific case for one of Seven Sisters to replace Alustriel - Laeral Silverhand, Lady Mage of Waterdeep. Not only is she more likely to be someone players in 5e have encountered, due to Waterdeep modules, but also gives us a very interesting alternative for potential traitor. You see, for a while Laeral was in posession and under the influence of Crown of Horns - a very powerful and also very cursed artifact, that drives the user insane and makes them a puppet of Myrkul, god of the dead. If a version of Laeral from a point in time when she was influenced by the Crown managed to sneak in, masquerading as her future (our present) self, while secretly carrying will of Myrkul, she could be great replacement for disguised Kas. Myrkul would be playing dangerous game, but Lady of Pain leaves servants of gods alone, if they behave, so as long as he wouldn't try to directly possess Laeral while in Sigil, he theoretically wouldn't risk being flayed to atoms on every plane of existence at once (you could also give Crown of Horns all abilities of Crown of Lies to somewhat increase beleivability Laeral slipped under Lady of Pain's radar). And, being dead, I could see him working with Kas for a grand prize - putting the crown on Vecna and posessing a Greater God. Kas gets his revenge, Myrkul gets to have physical body again and go way ahead of Bane and Bhaal, maybe even finish Vecna's ritual with himself at the center?
• Elminster is also Chaotic Good, I don't get why WotC shy away from using him. I get he is controversial, but his exclusion has been kinda awkward here, they found a way to make getting rid of him a Monkey's Paw situation. They really don't think Kas can fool Elminster, but he can fool Tasha? As far as I know only one of them slept with Mordekainen, like come on! Anyway, if you want to use him, Elmisnter is also Chaotic Good, so kinda redundant with other Chosen of Mystra.
• Larloch the Shadow-King or Szass Tam could each work as a powerful lawful evil lich, that allies with the good guys out of spite against interloper god that dared throw their weight around and claim godhood over THEIR world. Larloch in particular is no stranger of going against gods and their servants, especially those who seek to rewrite rules of magic that is basic of his power - just ask Shar and her servants at Shade Enclave. Oh wait, you cannot, Laroch got them killed.
• While characters from Baldur's Gate 3 end their adventure around 13th level, the book Minsc & Boo's Journal of Villainy contains statblocks of multiple characters from previous two games. Edwin Odesserion, infamous Red Wizard of Thay, is among them, powerful enough to fit in the group as a bit of fanservice. His aligment is Lawful Evil.
• u/DolanWolfsbane made an excellent suggestion to use Halaster Blackcloak, the chaotic evil mad mage of the Undermountain, who could be motivated to stop Vecna, because if Vecna wins, Halaster loses all the toys to play with.
• u/DrTenochtitlan adds a suggestion of Gromph Baenre, brother of Jarlaxe and the man who caused the events of Out of the Abyss/Rage of Demons. Apparently recent novels made him clear enemy of Lolth, who is one of major antagonists in this module, but also pushed him from his past official Chaotic/Neutral Evil aligment towards Neutral or Chaotic Neutral territory. Either way, wanting to get back at Lolth gives him interesting motivation.

Wildspace (Spelljammer) - It is a bit confusing how to count these characters, as some of them come from other worlds lidted in here. But if they are mostly well-known in Spelljammer, I beleive they should be representing that setting. Thanks to Spelljammer fandom legend Night Druid and other friends, who helped compile the list of suitable characters upon my request, that I then picked from whoever looked interesting

• Gamalon Idogyr is an interesting case - in past editions he actually returned from Wildspace to Forgotten Realms and settled down in Tethyr, but in 5e, which moved timeline back a bit, he is back in space. He is known to be an exceptionally powerful mage, and expert on artifacts, so he may provide some loredump on few, like the Rod itself. He may also provide PCs with magic items if you removed Alustriel. He is surprisingly consistently listed as Chaotic Good, despite his demeanor and activities suggesting, imo, lawful or at least neutral position.
• Also from Tethyr is Elaena Whitebranch, better known as the Mist Princess, a chaotic evil wizard pirate, ruthless enough to trade with Neogi (one guess what these guys may be trading) and pragmatic and self-serving enough to abbandon her crew to save her own skin. That last aspect may help justify her being part of this team-up, on the "I want to save the multiverse because I'm one of the idiots living in it!" grounds.
• Proconsul Gadaric Main is a chaotic neutral option from 5e, described as a stereotypical bearded mage, both hot-headed and unrealiable, he serves as advisor to current ruler of Rock of Bral, if you want to underline the political aspects of the crisis more, have him as representative of the Rock, maybe even an ambassador to Sigil?
• There is a surprising number of undead from classic products. Lost Ships gives us Dark Pharaoh (Mummy Lord and Lv 20 Cleric) and his laurietants Xiontarn and Iiileth, each a lich. The liches may be a good red herring for a traitor, as, contrary to common depictions of a lich, they're fiercely loyal to their master and hold no ill will to each other, so any suspiction would be severly misplaced.
• The same book gives us Sharangar Szeltune, a chaotic good female lich with romantic heart, who sought adventurers with whom she could travel the Wildspace. I'm tempted to include her just because she would be overjoyed to be in this room with other wizards, and because the humor of a lich seeking high adventure is oh so on brand for Spelljammer. If not here I'd still find a place for her somewhere in the adventure.
• Another interesting option would be Meredith, also known as Larabet Vintara or Nimone, or under nicknames Ice Queen or Lady Chaos. Another Spelljamming pirate wizard, she's from the comics. Over 200 years old, a mercernary, considered "a threat to the cosmic balance" by Elminster due to doing so much piracy. She was in the pirate bussiness when Waterdeep was only fishing village. I would gladly put her as chaotic neutral or chaotic evil, she feels like a very rich character to draw from.
• On the neutral evil level we have Mongrelle, High Councilor, Court Sorcerress and Master Breeder (Breeder being a sort of warrior-mage caste) of the Vodoni Empire, close confidant of the Emperor Vulkaran the Dark. She is an excellent politician and espionage specialist, which may come handy in the situation with wizards.

Other - here I will put characters who somehow seem the only candidates from their respective worlds.

• From the world of Athas, a.k.a. Dark Sun, u/jukebox-jester suggests Dregoth, who is canonically only planar traveller among tyrannical rulers of this world, Sorcerer Kings. Dregoth the Dread King, Ravager of Giants, who was slain by other Sorcerer Kings for his attempts to become a dragon and/or a diety, only to return as a Chaotic Evil Dragon-Lich hybrid. He is an interesting choice, especially if you tie his presence to the question of where the hell did Athas go on the maps of Spelljammer - maybe disappearance of Athasspace could be a sign of Vecna's spell, and Dregoth just happenned to be somewhere else when his homeworld vanished, now seeking revenge on Vecna?
• Another amusing idea would be a character we don't even know what world he is from, I think some fans just call it "the Realm" - Venger from the 80's cartoon. That weird Demon/Devil Sorcerer who has an unexplained beef with Tiamat. WotC was teasing his comeback in a separate product, but I feel his appearance in here could fit the "50 years celebration milestone" vibe of the adventure, and Wizards Nine gives us a good place to do it.

Domains of Dread (Ravenloft) - I put this one last because of unique use we could have out of Domains of Dread in this campaign. You see, we know that characters trapped in Demiplane of Dread cannot leave that easily, they need Dark Powers' permission. And Dark Powers are backing up Kas. In the comments u/Zahariel pointed out if wizards realize there is an imposter among them, Kas would fail all tests an archmage would easily pass. I have also seen multiple complaints how both main antagonists of this campaign - Vecna nad Kas - are absent from most of it, with many ideas being thrown around about having Kas as an active rival that competes for pieces of the Rod. It occured to me that he may play that role, while we still have an impostor - another character trapped in Demiplane of Dread could be working with Kas and the Dark Powers, in exchange for their freedom. This way we could even allow PCs to Sherlock Holmes who the traitor is between collecting different pieces of the Rod, and still can have Kas show up with hordes of monsters to steal the Rod later. All that matters is they do not impersonate a character of the same aligment, and wield strong magic on their own. Here are some candidates for this role:

• From Forgotten Realms, we could reach for semi-official suppliment Minsc and Boo's Journal of Villainy, written by lead writer of first two Baldur's Gate games. It suggests an alternate fate for main villains of Baldur's Gate II - Jon Irenicus and his sister Bodhi - that places them in Demiplane of Dread, leading their own evil cult working towards their escape. He is neutral evil, she is Chaotic Evil
• From Mystara, we have Meredoth, main antagonist of classic Ravenloft module Ship of Horrors, condemned to Demiplane of Dread afre his negligence caused his subjects to die of starvation. TWICE!. He is cursed to be unable to discover new magic on his own and having to steal knowledge, so he would be itching, as a mole, to steal from other eight wizards in the room. He's Chaotic Evil.
• An interesting option would be Firan Zal'honan, the mysterious archmage wandering Domains of Dread, introduced in Van Richten's Guide...who just strangely happens to have the same name as birth name of Azalin Rex, mysterious missing Darklord of Darkon domain, infamous lich from Oerth. It's all but implied Azalin escaped, partially, by becoming human again and is now travelling the Mists in disguise. I could totally see this guy working with Kas, since Azalin always had a bit of an inferiority complex towards Vecna. And if he gets to actually escape the Mists for his efforts, it gives a good recurring villain that could show up in future games. And unlike some characters, I could see him being in Faerun as justified - with the canonical ending, he would want to stay the hell away from Oerth.

That's for now, but rest assured, I shall be returning to this post to update it with more characters, potentially more campaign worlds even. Your suggestions whom to add are always welcome.

This is an expansion of a recent post and also incorporates some ideas from this theory (by u/ndependent-Design17). Throughout the series the reader is repeatedly reminded that "only death can pay for life" — that magic, especially powerful magic, comes at great cost.

"Only death can pay for life, my lord. A great gift requires a great sacrifice.”

Davos, ASOS
This phrase or variations of this phrase are repeated by Melisandre, Mirri, etc. at various points throughout the series. That which follows is a highly speculative theory on the nature of the cost of magic in the series. Specifically, that souls are central to the exercise of magic and can be used as magic currency.

1. establishing the concept of the soul

Oh, to be sure, there is much we do not understand. The years pass in their hundreds and their thousands, and what does any man see of life but a few summers, a few winters? We look at mountains and call them eternal, and so they seem… but in the course of time, mountains rise and fall, rivers change their courses, stars fall from the sky, and great cities sink beneath the sea. Even gods die, we think. Everything changes.

Bran, AGOT
What happens after we die? Is there some part of us that lives on or do we simply cease to exist. These are fundamental questions that are essentially unanswerable in life but not in ASOIAF. The reader is given a point-of-view account of death in the prologue of ADWD. After unsuccessfully attempting to steal the body of Thistle, a wildling spearwife, Varamyr dies and briefly becomes a disembodied consciousness:

The white world turned and fell away. For a moment it was as if he were inside the weirwood, gazing out through carved red eyes as a dying man twitched feebly on the ground and a madwoman danced blind and bloody underneath the moon, weeping red tears and ripping at her clothes. Then both were gone and he was rising, melting, his spirit borne on some cold wind. He was in the snow and in the clouds, he was a sparrow, a squirrel, an oak. A horned owl flew silently between his trees, hunting a hare; Varamyr was inside the owl, inside the hare, inside the trees. Deep below the frozen ground, earthworms burrowed blindly in the dark, and he was them as well. I am the wood, and everything that’s in it, he thought, exulting.

Prologue, ADWD
Afterward his "spirit," or soul, is eventually transferred into a body of wolf and he begins his second life. This event, and the process of skin-changing more generally, appears to involve projection or transfer of a soul from one body into another. The process of projecting or transferring souls to either animal vessels or the weirwoods is central to the magic of the Children of the Forest.

“Someone else was in the raven,” he told Lord Brynden, once he had returned to his own skin. “Some girl. I felt her.”
“A woman, of those who sing the song of earth,” his teacher said. “Long dead, yet a part of her remains, just as a part of you would remain in Summer if your boy’s flesh were to die upon the morrow. A shadow on the soul. She will not harm you.”
"Do all the birds have singers in them?"
“All,” Lord Brynden said.

Bran, ADWD
After death a "shadow on the soul" of the Singers remain in the crows. The soul of Orell is also described as living on in the body of his eagle after his death.
This process appears to take two forms: the soul can be temporarily projected from one body into another (e.g., as happens when Bran skin-changes into Hodor) or can be permanently transferred as is described in the separate examples above.
These transferred souls merge with their recipient, at least to some degree, and may decay over time:

"The wolf is part of you from that day on, and you’re part of him. Both of you will change.”
Other beasts were best left alone, the hunter had declared. Cats were vain and cruel, always ready to turn on you. Elk and deer were prey; wear their skins too long, and even the bravest man became a coward. Bears, boars, badgers, weasels … Haggon did not hold with such. “Some skins you never want to wear, boy. You won’t like what you’d become.” Birds were the worst, to hear him tell it. “Men were not meant to leave the earth. Spend too much time in the clouds and you never want to come back down again.
...
"They say you forget," Haggon had told him, a few weeks before his own death.
"When the man's flesh dies, his spirit lives on inside the beast, but every day his memory fades, and the beast becomes a little less a warg, a little more a wolf, until nothing of the man is left and only the beast remains."

Prologue, ADWD
Bran is provided with similar warnings about the danger of spending too much time in Summer's skin by Jojen.

2. shadow magic requires souls

As above the reader is repeatedly reminded throughout the series that "only death can pay for life." What is specifically being sacrificed, though? Is the magic being fueled by the blood of the sacrificed or by something else?
To answer this let us examine one of the most concrete example of magic in the series, the use or exchange of Stannis Baratheon's "life-fire" in order for Melisandre to manifest the shadows used to kill Renly Baratheon and Courtney Penrose.

Shadows only live when given birth by light, and the king's fires burn so low I dare not draw off any more to make another son. It might well kill him."
Melisandre moved closer.
"With another man, though... a man whose flames still burn hot and high... if you truly wish to serve your king's cause, come to my chamber one night. I could give you pleasure such as you have never known, and with your life-fire I could make..."

Davos, ASOS
According to this explanation, the cost of producing these shadow appears to have been part of his "life-fire," or soul. The shadow is specifically described as having the shape Stannis supporting this. Whether this applies to other types of magic — specifically blood magic or fire magic — is less clear but shadow magic very much appears to require the use of souls.
This type of exchange is also directly referenced in the story of the Night's King provided by Old Nan:

A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Fearing nothing, he chased her and caught her and loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well. (Credit to u/DigLost5791 for this reference.)

Bran, ASOS
Stannis is described by Davos afterward as follows:

The look of him was a shock. He seemed ten years older than the man that Davos had left at Storm’s End when he set sail for the Blackwater and the battle that would be their undoing. The king’s close-cropped beard was spiderwebbed with grey hairs, and he had dropped two stone or more of weight. He had never been a fleshy man, but now the bones moved beneath his skin like spears, fighting to cut free. Even his crown seemed too large for his head. His eyes were blue pits lost in deep hollows, and the shape of a skull could be seen beneath his face.

Davos, ASOS
Asha later describes Stannis as appearing life a "man with one foot in the grave."

What little flesh he’d carried on his tall, spare frame at Deepwood Motte had melted away during the march. The shape of his skull could be seen under his skin, and his jaw was clenched so hard Asha feared his teeth might shatter.

Asha, ADWD
These descriptions seem appropriate for a character that has lost part of their "life-fire" or soul.
Throughout the series Stannis is forced to make a series of increasingly difficult decisions. The most significant of these decisions regards the fate of his nephew, Eric Storm. Melisandre repeatedly urges him to "give [her] the boy," presumably to be burned, but is rebuffed by Stannis.

“I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning… burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?” The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King’s Landing.
"…what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?”
“Everything,” said Davos, softly.

Davos, ASOS
Is the life of this bastard boy worth the lives of millions that would die if the Others break through the Wall? Making a deal with the devil and literally selling his soul in pursuit of some greater good seems very appropriate for his character, thematically. The description of his flesh turning to ash in this vision is representative also supports this interpretation.

3. blood and fire magic

As opposed to the creation of the shadows described above, we are also provided an example of so-called blood magic in the leech burning ritual.

“Give me the boy, Your Grace. It is the surer way. The better way. Give me the boy and I shall wake the stone dragon.”
...
Melisandre bowed her head stiffly, and said, “As my king commands.” Reaching up her left sleeve with her right hand, she flung a handful of powder into the brazier. The coals roared. As pale flames writhed atop them, the red woman retrieved the silver dish and brought it to the king. Davos watched her lift the lid. Beneath were three large black leeches, fat with blood. The boy’s blood, Davos knew. A king’s blood. Stannis stretched forth a hand, and his fingers closed around one of the leeches.
“Say the name,” Melisandre commanded.

Davos, ASOS
Following this ritual all of the mentioned individuals do die but do so as the part of separate conspiracies (e.g., Robb Stark is betrayed by the Freys and Boltons, Joffrey Baratheon by Littlefinger and the Tyrells, etc.) which were already in place. It is left intentionally ambiguous by the author but it does not appear that the ritual meaningfully contributed to their deaths.
The creation of the shadows is said by Melisandre to have required part of Stannis' "life-fire" or soul. Could it be that the leech burning ritual was unsuccessful because blood alone is not sufficient as a sacrifice?
These forms of magic are frequently described in the community as "shadow magic" and "blood magic." These concepts — "fire and blood" and "flame and shadow" — are highly associated with one another in the text:

“Shadow?" Davos felt his flesh prickling. "A shadow is a thing of darkness."
”You are more ignorant than a child, ser knight. There are no shadows in the dark. Shadows are the servants of light, the children of fire. The brightest flame casts the darkest shadows."

Davos, ACOK
I speculate that these are different expressions of the same concept; that all of these fall under the general umbrella of fire magic and share common principles. "Fire consumes and in the end there's nothing left."

4. dancing shadows

The tent was aglow with the light of braziers within. Through the blood-spattered sandsilk, she glimpsed shadows moving.
Mirri Maz Duur was dancing, and not alone.
...
No, Dany wanted to say, no, not that, you mustn’t, but when she opened her mouth, a long wail of pain escaped, and the sweat broke over her skin. What was wrong with them, couldn’t they see?
Inside the tent the shapes were dancing, circling the brazier and the bloody bath, dark against the sandsilk, and some did not look human. She glimpsed the shadow of a great wolf, and another like a man wreathed in flames.
“The Lamb Woman knows the secrets of the birthing bed,” Irri said. “She said so, I heard her.”
“Yes,” Doreah agreed, “I heard her too.”
No, she shouted, or perhaps she only thought it, for no whisper of sound escaped her lips. She was being carried. Her eyes opened to gaze up at a flat dead sky, black and bleak and starless. Please, no. The sound of Mirri Maz Duur’s voice grew louder, until it filled the world. The shapes! She screamed. The dancers!
Ser Jorah carried her inside the tent.

Daenerys, AGOT
The introduction of shadow magic in the series is provided above with Mirri Max Duur. Following this ritual Drogo is described as a lifeless husk:

"He seems to like the warmth, Princess," Ser Jorah said. "His eyes follow the sun, though he does not see it. He can walk after a fashion. He will go where you lead him, but no farther. He will eat if you put food in his mouth, drink if you dribble water on his lips."

Daenerys, AGOT
It has previously been speculated that Mirri "reverse skin-changed" Drogo (e.g., "strength of the mount go into the rider, strength of the beast go into the man."). The description provided is less consistent with a horse soul inhabiting a human body than it is with the complete or near-complete absence of a soul. It appears more likely in retrospect that Mirri sacrificed part of Drogo's soul to summon the shadows and likely as a means to kill Daenerys' unborn child.

“The stallion who mounts the world will burn no cities now. His khalasar shall trample no nations into dust."

Daenerys, AGOT

5. reanimation

If "only death can pay for life" and souls are used as a form of magical currency how does one explain the reanimation or resurrection process?
There is a paucity of information on the reanimation of the dead in the series. The resurrection of Beric Dondarrion, for example, appears to be different in fundamental ways from that of the wights or Cold Hands. (We are potentially given a point-of-view account of this process if you accept that Victarion died in ADWD.)

“Thoros, how many times have you brought me back now?”
The red priest bowed his head. “It is R’hllor who brings you back, my lord. The Lord of Light. I am only his instrument.”
“How many times?” Lord Beric insisted.
“Six,” Thoros said reluctantly.
“And each time is harder. You have grown reckless, my lord. Is death so very sweet?”
Arya, ASOS

There is no immediately identifiable magical cost for these "kisses of life," at least at first glance. Thoros later tells us that he breathed part of his "flames" or soul into Beric:

“That first time, his lordship had a hole right through him and blood in his mouth, I knew there was no hope. So when his poor torn chest stopped moving, I gave him the good god's own kiss to send him on his way. I filled my mouth with fire and breathed the flames inside him, down his throat to lungs and heart and soul. The last kiss it is called, and many a time I saw the old priests bestow it on the Lord's servants as they died." (Credit to u/watchersontheweb for providing this quote in the initial thread.)

Arya, ASOS
Thoros is also described as appearing very different after performing this ritual several times in a way that is not entirely dissimilar to the changes in Stannis’ appearance referenced above.

“Here’s the wizard, skinny squirrel. You’ll get your answers now.”
He pointed toward the fire, where Tom Sevenstrings stood talking to a tall thin man with oddments of old armor buckled on over his ratty pink robes. That can’t be Thoros of Myr. Arya remembered the red priest as fat, with a smooth face and a shiny bald head. This man had a droopy face and a full head of shaggy grey hair.
...
“Thoros of Myr. You used to shave your head.”
“To betoken a humble heart, but in truth my heart was vain. Besides, I lost my razor in the woods.” The priest slapped his belly. “I am less than I was, but more. A year in the wild will melt the flesh off a man. Would that I could find a tailor to take in my skin. I might look young again, and pretty maids would shower me with kisses.”

Arya, ASOS
Thoros attributes these changes to his renewed devotion to the Red God and spending "a year in the wild" as above although he is not exactly forthcoming with Arya about the resurrection process. It is also likely that he does not entirely understand what specifically is being exchanged here.
Later he describes Beric giving the "kiss of life" to the corpse of Catelyn Stark:

“The Freys slashed her throat from ear to ear. When we found her by the river she was three days dead. Harwin begged me to give her the kiss of life, but it had been too long. I would not do it, so Lord Beric put his lips to hers instead, and the flame of life passed from him to her. And… she rose. May the Lord of Light protect us. She rose.”

Brienne, AFFC
Notably, this process produces a reanimated Catelyn (a.k.a. Lady Stoneheart). The soul of Beric, or at least whatever is left of his soul at this point in the series, is consumed in order to resurrect Catelyn and not transferred.

6. cold shadows (wild speculation)

The terms "white shadows," "pale shadows," and "cold shadows" are repeated used to describe the Others. The Others are also highly associated with ghosts — the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth. (The forrest in which they are introduced is literally called the Haunted Forrest.)

The Others made no sound.
Will saw movement from the corner of his eye. Pale shapes gliding through the wood. He turned his head, glimpsed a white shadow in the darkness. Then it was gone. Branches stirred gently in the wind, scratching at one another with wooden fingers. Will opened his mouth to call down a warning, and the words seemed to freeze in his throat. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps it had only been a bird, a reflection on the snow, some trick of the moonlight. What had he seen, after all?
“Will, where are you?” Ser Waymar called up. “Can you see anything?” He was turning in a slow circle, suddenly wary, his sword in hand. He must have felt them, as Will felt them. There was nothing to see. “Answer me! Why is it so cold?” It was cold.
Shivering, Will clung more tightly to his perch. His face pressed hard against the trunk of the sentinel. He could feel the sweet, sticky sap on his cheek. A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk. Its armor seemed to change color as it moved; here it was white as new-fallen snow, there black as shadow, everywhere dappled with the deep grey-green of the trees. The patterns ran like moonlight on water with every step it took. Will heard the breath go out of Ser Waymar Royce in a long hiss. ...
The Other slid forward on silent feet. In its hand was a longsword like none that Will had ever seen. No human metal had gone into the forging of that blade. It was alive with moonlight, translucent, a shard of crystal so thin that it seemed almost to vanish when seen edge-on. There was a faint blue shimmer to the thing, a ghost-light that played around its edges, and somehow Will knew it was sharper than any razor.

Prologue, AGOT
This is again highly speculative but it seems reasonable to consider that these cold shadows are not "ice demons" or "ice zombies" but are in fact ghosts, the spirits or souls of men that are bound to the earth through magic by the Children of the Forest. (The textual evidence of the creation of the Others by the Children has previously been discussed at length in the community in separate posts.) "Fire consumes, but cold preserves."
This would explain several of the unusual characteristics of the Others described by Tormund:

“Tormund,” Jon said, as they watched four old women pull a cartful of children toward the gate, “tell me of our foe. I would know all there is to know of the Others.”
The wildling rubbed his mouth. “Not here,” he mumbled, “not this side o’ your Wall.” The old man glanced uneasily toward the trees in their white mantles. “They’re never far, you know. They won’t come out by day, not when that old sun’s shining, but don’t think that means they went away. Shadows never go away. Might be you don’t see them, but they’re always clinging to your heels.”
...
Tormund turned back.
"You know nothing. You killed a dead man, aye, I heard. Mance killed a hundred. A man can fight the dead, but when their masters come, when the white mists rise up… how do you fight a mist, crow? Shadows with teeth … air so cold it hurts to breathe, like a knife inside your chest … you do not know, you cannot know … can your sword cut cold?"

Jon, ADWD
A reasonable interpretation of this information is that the Others are present during the day, at least in some capacity, and are only able to assume corporeal form at night.
The Others are also described as "going lightly upon the snow" which would also supports the idea that they are ghosts:

“The white walkers go lightly on the snow,” the ranger said. “You’ll find no prints to mark their passage.”

Samwell, ASOS

7. conclusions

This highly speculative theory attempts to reconcile several seemingly disparate concepts in the series related to magic, namely the actual nature of magical sacrifice ("only death can pay for life") and shadows or shadow magic. More specifically, I suggest that souls are the primary magical currency and can be consumed using fire magic to summon shadows, create glamours, etc. I also speculate that similar processes took place during Mirri Maz Duur's shadow-binding ritual in AGOT and during the repeated resurrections of Berric Dondarrion in ASOS. I further suggest that the Others are ghosts, the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth.
EDIT: edited several times to address formatting issues

This is an expansion of a recent post and also incorporates some ideas from this theory (by u/ndependent-Design17). Throughout the series the reader is repeatedly reminded that "only death can pay for life" — that magic, especially powerful magic, comes at great cost.

"Only death can pay for life, my lord. A great gift requires a great sacrifice.”

Davos, ASOS
This phrase or variations of this phrase are repeated by Melisandre, Mirri, etc. at various points throughout the series. That which follows is a highly speculative theory on the nature of the cost of magic in the series. Specifically, that souls are central to the exercise of magic and can be used as magic currency.

1. establishing the concept of the soul

Oh, to be sure, there is much we do not understand. The years pass in their hundreds and their thousands, and what does any man see of life but a few summers, a few winters? We look at mountains and call them eternal, and so they seem… but in the course of time, mountains rise and fall, rivers change their courses, stars fall from the sky, and great cities sink beneath the sea. Even gods die, we think. Everything changes.

Bran, AGOT
What happens after we die? Is there some part of us that lives on or do we simply cease to exist. These are fundamental questions that are essentially unanswerable in life but not in ASOIAF. The reader is given a point-of-view account of death in the prologue of ADWD. After unsuccessfully attempting to steal the body of Thistle, a wildling spearwife, Varamyr dies and briefly becomes a disembodied consciousness:

The white world turned and fell away. For a moment it was as if he were inside the weirwood, gazing out through carved red eyes as a dying man twitched feebly on the ground and a madwoman danced blind and bloody underneath the moon, weeping red tears and ripping at her clothes. Then both were gone and he was rising, melting, his spirit borne on some cold wind. He was in the snow and in the clouds, he was a sparrow, a squirrel, an oak. A horned owl flew silently between his trees, hunting a hare; Varamyr was inside the owl, inside the hare, inside the trees. Deep below the frozen ground, earthworms burrowed blindly in the dark, and he was them as well. I am the wood, and everything that’s in it, he thought, exulting.

Prologue, ADWD
Afterward his "spirit," or soul, is eventually transferred into a body of wolf and he begins his second life. This event, and the process of skin-changing more generally, appears to involve projection or transfer of a soul from one body into another. The process of projecting or transferring souls to either animal vessels or the weirwoods is central to the magic of the Children of the Forest.

“Someone else was in the raven,” he told Lord Brynden, once he had returned to his own skin. “Some girl. I felt her.”
“A woman, of those who sing the song of earth,” his teacher said. “Long dead, yet a part of her remains, just as a part of you would remain in Summer if your boy’s flesh were to die upon the morrow. A shadow on the soul. She will not harm you.”
"Do all the birds have singers in them?"
“All,” Lord Brynden said.

Bran, ADWD
After death a "shadow on the soul" of the Singers remain in the crows. The soul of Orell is also described as living on in the body of his eagle after his death.
This process appears to take two forms: the soul can be temporarily projected from one body into another (e.g., as happens when Bran skin-changes into Hodor) or can be permanently transferred as is described in the separate examples above.
These transferred souls merge with their recipient, at least to some degree, and may decay over time:

"The wolf is part of you from that day on, and you’re part of him. Both of you will change.”
Other beasts were best left alone, the hunter had declared. Cats were vain and cruel, always ready to turn on you. Elk and deer were prey; wear their skins too long, and even the bravest man became a coward. Bears, boars, badgers, weasels … Haggon did not hold with such. “Some skins you never want to wear, boy. You won’t like what you’d become.” Birds were the worst, to hear him tell it. “Men were not meant to leave the earth. Spend too much time in the clouds and you never want to come back down again.
...
"They say you forget," Haggon had told him, a few weeks before his own death.
"When the man's flesh dies, his spirit lives on inside the beast, but every day his memory fades, and the beast becomes a little less a warg, a little more a wolf, until nothing of the man is left and only the beast remains."

Prologue, ADWD
Bran is provided with similar warnings about the danger of spending too much time in Summer's skin by Jojen.

2. shadow magic requires souls

As above the reader is repeatedly reminded throughout the series that "only death can pay for life." What is specifically being sacrificed, though? Is the magic being fueled by the blood of the sacrificed or by something else?
To answer this let us examine one of the most concrete example of magic in the series, the use or exchange of Stannis Baratheon's "life-fire" in order for Melisandre to manifest the shadows used to kill Renly Baratheon and Courtney Penrose.

Shadows only live when given birth by light, and the king's fires burn so low I dare not draw off any more to make another son. It might well kill him."
Melisandre moved closer.
"With another man, though... a man whose flames still burn hot and high... if you truly wish to serve your king's cause, come to my chamber one night. I could give you pleasure such as you have never known, and with your life-fire I could make..."

Davos, ASOS
According to this explanation, the cost of producing these shadow appears to have been part of his "life-fire," or soul. The shadow is specifically described as having the shape Stannis supporting this. Whether this applies to other types of magic — specifically blood magic or fire magic — is less clear but shadow magic very much appears to require the use of souls.
This type of exchange is also directly referenced in the story of the Night's King provided by Old Nan:

A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Fearing nothing, he chased her and caught her and loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well. (Credit to u/DigLost5791 for this reference.)

Bran, ASOS
Stannis is described by Davos afterward as follows:

The look of him was a shock. He seemed ten years older than the man that Davos had left at Storm’s End when he set sail for the Blackwater and the battle that would be their undoing. The king’s close-cropped beard was spiderwebbed with grey hairs, and he had dropped two stone or more of weight. He had never been a fleshy man, but now the bones moved beneath his skin like spears, fighting to cut free. Even his crown seemed too large for his head. His eyes were blue pits lost in deep hollows, and the shape of a skull could be seen beneath his face.

Davos, ASOS
Asha later describes Stannis as appearing life a "man with one foot in the grave."

What little flesh he’d carried on his tall, spare frame at Deepwood Motte had melted away during the march. The shape of his skull could be seen under his skin, and his jaw was clenched so hard Asha feared his teeth might shatter.

Asha, ADWD
These descriptions seem appropriate for a character that has lost part of their "life-fire" or soul.
Throughout the series Stannis is forced to make a series of increasingly difficult decisions. The most significant of these decisions regards the fate of his nephew, Eric Storm. Melisandre repeatedly urges him to "give [her] the boy," presumably to be burned, but is rebuffed by Stannis.

“I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning… burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?” The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King’s Landing.
"…what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?”
“Everything,” said Davos, softly.

Davos, ASOS
Is the life of this bastard boy worth the lives of millions that would die if the Others break through the Wall? Making a deal with the devil and literally selling his soul in pursuit of some greater good seems very appropriate for his character, thematically. The description of his flesh turning to ash in this vision is representative also supports this interpretation.

3. blood and fire magic

As opposed to the creation of the shadows described above, we are also provided an example of so-called blood magic in the leech burning ritual.

“Give me the boy, Your Grace. It is the surer way. The better way. Give me the boy and I shall wake the stone dragon.”
...
Melisandre bowed her head stiffly, and said, “As my king commands.” Reaching up her left sleeve with her right hand, she flung a handful of powder into the brazier. The coals roared. As pale flames writhed atop them, the red woman retrieved the silver dish and brought it to the king. Davos watched her lift the lid. Beneath were three large black leeches, fat with blood. The boy’s blood, Davos knew. A king’s blood. Stannis stretched forth a hand, and his fingers closed around one of the leeches.
“Say the name,” Melisandre commanded.

Davos, ASOS
Following this ritual all of the mentioned individuals do die but do so as the part of separate conspiracies (e.g., Robb Stark is betrayed by the Freys and Boltons, Joffrey Baratheon by Littlefinger and the Tyrells, etc.) which were already in place. It is left intentionally ambiguous by the author but it does not appear that the ritual meaningfully contributed to their deaths.
The creation of the shadows is said by Melisandre to have required part of Stannis' "life-fire" or soul. Could it be that the leech burning ritual was unsuccessful because blood alone is not sufficient as a sacrifice?
These forms of magic are frequently described in the community as "shadow magic" and "blood magic." These concepts — "fire and blood" and "flame and shadow" — are highly associated with one another in the text:

“Shadow?" Davos felt his flesh prickling. "A shadow is a thing of darkness."
”You are more ignorant than a child, ser knight. There are no shadows in the dark. Shadows are the servants of light, the children of fire. The brightest flame casts the darkest shadows."

Davos, ACOK
I speculate that these are different expressions of the same concept; that all of these fall under the general umbrella of fire magic and share common principles. "Fire consumes and in the end there's nothing left."

4. dancing shadows

The tent was aglow with the light of braziers within. Through the blood-spattered sandsilk, she glimpsed shadows moving.
Mirri Maz Duur was dancing, and not alone.
...
No, Dany wanted to say, no, not that, you mustn’t, but when she opened her mouth, a long wail of pain escaped, and the sweat broke over her skin. What was wrong with them, couldn’t they see?
Inside the tent the shapes were dancing, circling the brazier and the bloody bath, dark against the sandsilk, and some did not look human. She glimpsed the shadow of a great wolf, and another like a man wreathed in flames.
“The Lamb Woman knows the secrets of the birthing bed,” Irri said. “She said so, I heard her.”
“Yes,” Doreah agreed, “I heard her too.”
No, she shouted, or perhaps she only thought it, for no whisper of sound escaped her lips. She was being carried. Her eyes opened to gaze up at a flat dead sky, black and bleak and starless. Please, no. The sound of Mirri Maz Duur’s voice grew louder, until it filled the world. The shapes! She screamed. The dancers!
Ser Jorah carried her inside the tent.

Daenerys, AGOT
The introduction of shadow magic in the series is provided above with Mirri Max Duur. Following this ritual Drogo is described as a lifeless husk:

"He seems to like the warmth, Princess," Ser Jorah said. "His eyes follow the sun, though he does not see it. He can walk after a fashion. He will go where you lead him, but no farther. He will eat if you put food in his mouth, drink if you dribble water on his lips."

Daenerys, AGOT
It has previously been speculated that Mirri "reverse skin-changed" Drogo (e.g., "strength of the mount go into the rider, strength of the beast go into the man."). The description provided is less consistent with a horse soul inhabiting a human body than it is with the complete or near-complete absence of a soul. It appears more likely in retrospect that Mirri sacrificed part of Drogo's soul to summon the shadows and likely as a means to kill Daenerys' unborn child.

“The stallion who mounts the world will burn no cities now. His khalasar shall trample no nations into dust."

Daenerys, AGOT

5. reanimation

If "only death can pay for life" and souls are used as a form of magical currency how does one explain the reanimation or resurrection process?
There is a paucity of information on the reanimation of the dead in the series. The resurrection of Beric Dondarrion, for example, appears to be different in fundamental ways from that of the wights or Cold Hands. (We are potentially given a point-of-view account of this process if you accept that Victarion died in ADWD.)

“Thoros, how many times have you brought me back now?”
The red priest bowed his head. “It is R’hllor who brings you back, my lord. The Lord of Light. I am only his instrument.”
“How many times?” Lord Beric insisted.
“Six,” Thoros said reluctantly.
“And each time is harder. You have grown reckless, my lord. Is death so very sweet?”
Arya, ASOS

There is no immediately identifiable magical cost for these "kisses of life," at least at first glance. Thoros later tells us that he breathed part of his "flames" or soul into Beric:

“That first time, his lordship had a hole right through him and blood in his mouth, I knew there was no hope. So when his poor torn chest stopped moving, I gave him the good god's own kiss to send him on his way. I filled my mouth with fire and breathed the flames inside him, down his throat to lungs and heart and soul. The last kiss it is called, and many a time I saw the old priests bestow it on the Lord's servants as they died." (Credit to u/watchersontheweb for providing this quote in the initial thread.)

Arya, ASOS
Thoros is also described as appearing very different after performing this ritual several times in a way that is not entirely dissimilar to the changes in Stannis’ appearance referenced above.

“Here’s the wizard, skinny squirrel. You’ll get your answers now.”
He pointed toward the fire, where Tom Sevenstrings stood talking to a tall thin man with oddments of old armor buckled on over his ratty pink robes. That can’t be Thoros of Myr. Arya remembered the red priest as fat, with a smooth face and a shiny bald head. This man had a droopy face and a full head of shaggy grey hair.
...
“Thoros of Myr. You used to shave your head.”
“To betoken a humble heart, but in truth my heart was vain. Besides, I lost my razor in the woods.” The priest slapped his belly. “I am less than I was, but more. A year in the wild will melt the flesh off a man. Would that I could find a tailor to take in my skin. I might look young again, and pretty maids would shower me with kisses.”

Arya, ASOS
Thoros attributes these changes to his renewed devotion to the Red God and spending "a year in the wild" as above although he is not exactly forthcoming with Arya about the resurrection process. It is also likely that he does not entirely understand what specifically is being exchanged here.
Later he describes Beric giving the "kiss of life" to the corpse of Catelyn Stark:

“The Freys slashed her throat from ear to ear. When we found her by the river she was three days dead. Harwin begged me to give her the kiss of life, but it had been too long. I would not do it, so Lord Beric put his lips to hers instead, and the flame of life passed from him to her. And… she rose. May the Lord of Light protect us. She rose.”

Brienne, AFFC
Notably, this process produces a reanimated Catelyn (a.k.a. Lady Stoneheart). The soul of Beric, or at least whatever is left of his soul at this point in the series, is consumed in order to resurrect Catelyn and not transferred.

6. cold shadows (wild speculation)

The terms "white shadows," "pale shadows," and "cold shadows" are repeated used to describe the Others. The Others are also highly associated with ghosts — the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth. (The forrest in which they are introduced is literally called the Haunted Forrest.)

The Others made no sound.
Will saw movement from the corner of his eye. Pale shapes gliding through the wood. He turned his head, glimpsed a white shadow in the darkness. Then it was gone. Branches stirred gently in the wind, scratching at one another with wooden fingers. Will opened his mouth to call down a warning, and the words seemed to freeze in his throat. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps it had only been a bird, a reflection on the snow, some trick of the moonlight. What had he seen, after all?
“Will, where are you?” Ser Waymar called up. “Can you see anything?” He was turning in a slow circle, suddenly wary, his sword in hand. He must have felt them, as Will felt them. There was nothing to see. “Answer me! Why is it so cold?” It was cold.
Shivering, Will clung more tightly to his perch. His face pressed hard against the trunk of the sentinel. He could feel the sweet, sticky sap on his cheek. A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk. Its armor seemed to change color as it moved; here it was white as new-fallen snow, there black as shadow, everywhere dappled with the deep grey-green of the trees. The patterns ran like moonlight on water with every step it took. Will heard the breath go out of Ser Waymar Royce in a long hiss. ...
The Other slid forward on silent feet. In its hand was a longsword like none that Will had ever seen. No human metal had gone into the forging of that blade. It was alive with moonlight, translucent, a shard of crystal so thin that it seemed almost to vanish when seen edge-on. There was a faint blue shimmer to the thing, a ghost-light that played around its edges, and somehow Will knew it was sharper than any razor.

Prologue, AGOT
This is again highly speculative but it seems reasonable to consider that these cold shadows are not "ice demons" or "ice zombies" but are in fact ghosts, the spirits or souls of men that are bound to the earth through magic by the Children of the Forest. (The textual evidence of the creation of the Others by the Children is linked in a separate post here.) "Fire consumes, but cold preserves."
This would explain several of the unusual characteristics of the Others described by Tormund:

“Tormund,” Jon said, as they watched four old women pull a cartful of children toward the gate, “tell me of our foe. I would know all there is to know of the Others.”
The wildling rubbed his mouth. “Not here,” he mumbled, “not this side o’ your Wall.” The old man glanced uneasily toward the trees in their white mantles. “They’re never far, you know. They won’t come out by day, not when that old sun’s shining, but don’t think that means they went away. Shadows never go away. Might be you don’t see them, but they’re always clinging to your heels.”
...
Tormund turned back.
"You know nothing. You killed a dead man, aye, I heard. Mance killed a hundred. A man can fight the dead, but when their masters come, when the white mists rise up… how do you fight a mist, crow? Shadows with teeth … air so cold it hurts to breathe, like a knife inside your chest … you do not know, you cannot know … can your sword cut cold?"

Jon, ADWD
A reasonable interpretation of this information is that the Others are present during the day, at least in some capacity, and are only able to assume corporeal form at night.
The Others are also described as "going lightly upon the snow" which would also supports the idea that they are ghosts:

“The white walkers go lightly on the snow,” the ranger said. “You’ll find no prints to mark their passage.”

Samwell, ASOS

7. conclusions

This highly speculative theory attempts to reconcile several seemingly disparate concepts in the series related to magic, namely the actual nature of magical sacrifice ("only death can pay for life") and shadows or shadow magic. More specifically, I suggest that souls are the primary magical currency and can be consumed using fire magic to summon shadows, create glamours, etc. I also speculate that similar processes took place during Mirri Maz Duur's shadow-binding ritual in AGOT and during the repeated resurrections of Berric Dondarrion in ASOS. I further suggest that the Others are ghosts, the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth.
EDIT: edited several times to address formatting issues

I have no idea if the admins will approve this but I’d love an opinion on something. The curse of the drink has been passed down in my family for generations. To quote Dickens, “it was the best of times and the worst of times”. I hold no anger as I’ve watched generational trauma as a direct result of the horrors they endured. We are generations of survivors.
To my point. I’ve been building a book about my people. I have this wonderful tree and I’ve just now been able to start adding on all the extras that I held back on so I can keep a straight forward focus on direct lines. I have at least 80 newspaper clippings of all kinds of various subjects. At least half are stories of drunken escapades and the occasional drunk tank. Do I use them? I have no shame and most of the clippings are awfully funny and positively show that we are the same people (with many more conveniences) throughout the generations.
My grandmothers older nieces and nephews still like to be secretive for no reason other to save face. I don’t know if they’ll be bothered. Should I care if they are? I do not want to care. I do not think I should as I’m a grown adult and these people belong to me also.
I’m also not going to share the real secrets that have caused pain for too many living people. I don’t have the right to tell those stories. I’ve spent my life making sure the history I put on paper is filled with truth backed up with contemporary sources.
I can’t imagine not putting these clippings of them there. Every bit is a glimpse into their lives. I’m so lucky to have all of this and I’ve learned so much of where, who, what, and why. I want them there.
I am going to be respectful enough to ask my mother and her siblings what they think and I’ll go from them there.
This little book will be sent off to all living heads of our direct lines and they can take it from there. Once they all have it I will publish it.
I’m so long winded.I try not to be but I never succeed. So, what say you? I truly want your opinions and I will not be negative in your response. I’ll read them all. I need outsider thoughts before I go to them. I might not be the only person here who has these questions or stories.

I've always been bound to death.
On my eighth birthday, a shadow strode into my house and shot me and my family dead. I remember it vividly, every detail, every angle, etched and stained and carved into my memory.
I sat very still with my knees to my chest, my gaze glued to my siblings.
Lily and PJ looked like they were sleeping, and I could almost believe it.
I didn't look at the shadow.
From the comfort of my knees, I waited for my brother to lift his head.
But his body was so limp, so still, every part of him faltering. My sister’s head was nestled in his shoulder, thick beads of red running down her face.
They're just sleeping.
I could tell myself they were— as long as I didn't look at the splatter of scarlet staining the back of the couch and pooling at their feet.
BANG.
Mom’s body dropped onto the ground.
I lunged forwards, slamming my hands over my ears.
BANG.
PJ’s head slumped forwards, a teasing smile still frozen on his lips.
BANG.
Lily gently tipped into PJ, like she was going to sleep.
Before she closed her eyes, Mom told me to run.
I can't remember how long I stayed under the shattered remnants of Mom’s favorite table. The shadow was waiting for me to move, to make a noise.
I watched booted feet crunch through glass, getting closer and closer, and slowly, fight or flight began to take over.
Making it halfway across the living room, my palms slick with my mother’s blood, I thought I was going to live.
Cruel fingers wound their way through my hair and shoved me to my knees. I remember the phantom legs of a spider creeping down the back of my neck when the shadow with no face dragged the barrel of his gun down my spine.
“Turn around.”
The shadow had a voice.
When I didn't move, the protruding metal stabbed into my neck.
“Turn around, kid!”
I did, very slowly.
Behind him, my siblings still weren't moving.
They were asleep.
Lily was still smiling, strawberry blonde ringlets stained red.
I couldn't see PJ’S face anymore.
BANG.
I didn't feel the gunshot.
I didn't feel anything.
Looking down, I glimpsed slowly spreading red blossoming like a flower.
It felt like being cut from strings.
I hit the ground, just like my mother, my body felt heavy and wrong.
Paralysed.
I remember being unable to scream, unable to cry, the salty taste of metal filling my mouth. It was like being winded. Rolling onto my side, all I could see was flickering candlelight.
The air was thick, so hard to breathe.
I rolled onto my back trying to suck in air.
The shadow took a step back, opened the front door, and bled into the night.
I don't remember the pain, and I don't remember dying. I couldn't breathe, couldn't conjure words in my mouth.
I felt warm and sticky, lying in my own blood.
I think I tried to move.
But I was so tired.
I’m not sure what death feels like, because it's like going to sleep.
I remember my last shuddering breaths, a lulling darkness beginning to swallow me up. I don't know why I wasn't afraid.
Oblivion almost felt like I was sinking into lukewarm depths on a Summer’s day.
Oblivion wasn't pain, and there was a peaceful inevitability to it.
It was endless nothing, a nothing I found myself gravitating towards. But before I could envelope myself in that darkness, it was spitting me back out.
The next thing I knew, I was in a white room, a slow beeping sound tearing me from slumber. I had a vague memory of slow spreading roses blossoming across my shirt, like summer flowers blooming.
Everything was white.
The walls, the ceiling, and my clothes.
Sensation hit me in slow waves.
Exhaustion.
I felt it tightening its grip around my brain, dragging me back onto a mountain of pillows when I tried to jump up. My Aunt May was sitting next to me on a plastic chair, her warm fingers entangled in mine. Aunt May and Mom were practically twins, with the same thick red hair and pale skin.
Mom wore her hair in a casual ponytail, while May preferred a strict bun.
I had to bite back the urge to yank my hand away.
Aunt May was asleep, used tissues filling her lap.
There was a nurse pottering around, checking my vitals and prodding my arms. My eyes felt heavy. I had to blink several times to keep myself awake.
“Charlie?”
The nurse’s voice was like wind-chimes.
I pretended not to notice her forced lipstick smile, the way she stood with her arms folded, staring at me like I was one of my cousin’s experiments. “You were in an accident, sweetie,” the nurse spoke up. I could see her trembling hands. “Just, um, try and rest, okay?”
I wanted to ask where my family was, but I already knew the answer.
I think she knew that too.
“You died, Charlie.” The nurse’s voice was eerily cold. “You were dead for thirteen minutes.”
She took slow steps towards me, her eyes growing frenzied, like she couldn't understand me, like I was a puzzle she could not solve– and it was driving her crazy. I could see it in her twitching hands, her wobbling lips that were trying and failing to appear stoic.
“In fact, I just pulled you out of the morgue, honey. I opened up your body bag that I had just zipped up, and told your aunt that you were a miracle I just… can’t understand.” The nurse sounded like she was trying to choke down a laugh, or maybe a sob.
“Charlotte, you were pronounced dead at 3:02am from a gunshot wound to the chest.” Taking a slow, sobering breath, the nurse tried to smile. “The bullet went through the right ventricle of your heart and severely damaged your left lung, rendering you unable to breathe. Your heart stopped, and after four attempts to resuscitate, we called it.”
Something slimy wound its way up my throat when she began to pace the room. “I… did all the paperwork. It took me two minutes. Your death certificate was signed, and your body was taken to the morgue to be prepped for transportation. Then I had my lunch. Tuna salad with a protein milkshake. I’m not a fan of the chocolate flavor.”
She shook her head. “Anyway, when I came back to you, you were awake inside your body bag.” Her voice was starting to break. “You were…um, alive, and asked me for apple soda.”
The nurse moved closer, and yet kept her distance.
I could feel myself moving back, panic writhing through me.
“So.” The nurse spoke calmly. “How the fuck are you still alive, Charlie?”
I think I passed out after that.
When I woke up again, my head a lot less heavier, the nurse was gone.
Slowly, my foggy brain began to find itself and connect dots.
My mouth was dry, full of cotton.
There was a sudden tightness, a sharp and cruel sting in my wrists.
Something sharp was protruding into my flesh, and no matter how many times I violently wrenched my arm, it was stuck. It didn't feel right to be able to breathe so easily.
I knew the second I woke that my Mom was dead.
Lily and PJ were dead, and it was like losing them all over again.
As clarity came over me, I found my voice, a strangled cry escaping my lips.
“Get it out.” I whispered in a shrill cry.
Tugging at the IV in my wrist, I tried to yank the needle from my skin.
“Get it out!” I shrieked, my gaze glued to the tiny spots of blood staining the insertion point.
I could see it again.
So much blood.
Mom was curled up on the floor, lying in slow spreading red that wouldn't stop, seeping across her beaded rug.
She was all over me, slick on my skin and caked in my fingernails.
I couldn't wash her off of me.
“You're okay, Charlotte.”
Aunt May’s voice came from my right, stabling me to reality.
The world started to move again, started to make sense again, when she cupped my cheeks and told me to breathe. When I opened my mouth to ask where my family were, she lightly shook her head and I swallowed my words. Aunt May handed me a glass of water, and I drained it in one gulp.
She told me I was a miracle.
Aunt May didn't say much, and when she did, she broke into sobs.
Her eyes were raw from crying, clinging onto me, her shuddery voice reassuring me that I was going to be okay.
She told me I would be living with her from now on, before wrapping me into a hug and leaving to get coffee.
Once my aunt was gone, another nurse came to prod my IV.
I tried to sleep, but the uncomfortable tightness of the needle sticking into my skin and the sterile white lights in my eyes made it impossible. I waited for grief to catch up with me, drowning me in a hollow oblivion I wouldn't be able to claw myself out of. But I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel angry.
I wanted to know why my family were dead.
I wanted to know why I was breathing, and their skin was ice cold.
Rotting.
The sudden image of maggots crawling up my brother’s nose sent me lurching into a sitting position, my stomach heaving. Reaching for my glass of water, it was empty. The sensation of throwing up felt familiar, almost comforting.
Mom was always with me when I was sick, holding my hair back and lulling my hysteria with reassuring murmurs.
I was frowning at the trash can by the door, my cotton candy brain trying to figure out if I would be able to make it in time, when a small voice drifted from the doorway, startling me.
“I don't want you to come live with us.”
My cousin was peeking through the door, hiding behind a shock of dark brown curls. Jude was the only brunette in our family. The rest of us were redheads.
I wasn't sure why he was dressed up like a ghost, draped in a white cloak that was way too big for him. Jude was a weird kid. His mother, and my auntie, had inherited the family house, so in his mind, that made him superior.
Jude made it clear he didn't like his cousins, refusing to let us play with him and banning us from family gatherings.
When the adults were drinking cocktails and losing their awareness, Jude ordered us around. The times we did play with him, our cousin showed us his spider collection, or the raccoon brain he kept in a jar. PJ was convinced our younger cousin was a serial killer. Several months earlier, he'd happily showed us the roadkill he'd been growing bacteria on under his bed.
Jude’s ‘experiments’ were worrying.
He stuffed mushrooms down my brother’s ears while he was sleeping, to, and I quote, “Recreate The Last Of Us.”
When Lily had a nosebleed during Thanksgiving dinner, Jude collected all her bloody tissues and refused to tell us where he'd put them, and what he had done with them. Fast-forward two months, and I found them under a nest of spiders. Jude was trying to adapt the spiders to be able to feed on human blood. I was surprised my cousin hadn't immediately demanded to see my siblings’ dead bodies for autopsy.
Jude stepped into the room, shuffling his feet.
“I'm sorry about Lily, PJ, and Aunt Ivy.” He mumbled, glaring at the floor tiles.
My cousin made no move to offer real sympathy, instead speaking to the floor.
“But I don't want you to come live with us.” Jude lifted his head, looking me dead in the eye. “I don't like you, Charlie. I want you to stay away.”
Before I could reply, he stepped back like I was diseased.
“You should be dead.” Jude grumbled.
He scowled at me, getting my age purposely wrong as usual before running off.
“Happy 68th birthday.”
I was six months older than him.
In Jude’s eyes, I was ready for retirement.
Still, though, my cousin was right.
I was stone cold dead, and then I was somehow alive.
Which was wrong.
Growing up, I realized Death was not so subtly attempting to fix his mistake.
It started small. I'd choke on things I wasn't supposed to choke on.
Chips.
Candy.
Ice cream.
Aunt May had to perform the heimlich manoeuvre when I choked on a piece of chicken. I thought I was just really unlucky, but then I locked myself in a freezer that didn't have a lock, and almost drowned in the local swimming pool, catching my foot in stray netting.
At the summer fair, Jude convinced me to try apple bobbing, only for my head to conveniently get stuck underwater.
It started to make sense.
I was supposed to die with my family that night, and death was out to get me.
Death started to get clever, changing his tactic. Instead of using everyday things to try to kill me, he sent reinforcements.
I turned twelve years old, and my aunt threw me a huge party, inviting all my classmates. Aunt May was rich, rich.
Mom never explained it, but our grandparents left everything to May.
The house was like a palace, a labyrinth of floors I was yet to explore, and two swimming pools.
I was in the kitchen cutting myself a slice of cake, when, out of nowhere, a dead boy came rushing at me with one of my aunt’s favorite kitchen knives.
A dead boy who I immediately recognised.
Wren Oliver.
Several years prior, he'd gone missing from his parents' yard. The town launched a full investigation, only to find his body in a ditch a week later.
So, Death had sent a footsoldier.
Hiding under a hooded sweatshirt, Wren appeared older, like he had grown up with me. But there was a startling vacancy in his expression that drew the breath from my lungs, freezing me in place. Wren’s death was announced as an accident, though his wounds suggested the opposite, dried blood smearing his right temple and a cavernous hole in his chest, his clothes painted, stained, in bright red, glued in sticky mounds clinging to him.
The boy’s eyes were wild, feral, like an animal.
His hair was longer, a mess of reddish curls matted to his forehead.
Lip split into a demented giggle.
I remember taking a slow step back, my gaze glued to the knife.
Wren’s fingers were wrapped around the handle like he knew exactly how to use it, how to plunge it into my heart and kill me for good. He moved like a predator, zero self awareness or recognition, only driven to kill me.
The dead boy prided himself in slow, intimidating steps, shoving me against the wall and dragging the blade of the knife down the curve of my throat.
His eyes confused me, writhing with hatred that was artificial, programmed into him as Death’s official soldier.
He didn't speak, only smiled, revelling in my fear. I could tell it thrilled him, my trembling hands, my sharp, heavy breaths I couldn't control. Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited to finally die.
I waited for the pain, and to lose my breath once again.
But death was playing with me.
When I opened my eyes, the dead boy was gone, and I was on my knees, screaming.
“Wren Oliver is trying to kill me!" I managed to hiss.
My aunt knelt in front of me, her expression crumpling.
*Sweetie,” She spoke softly, squeezing my hands. Aunt May was trying to appear calm for my sake, but I could tell she was scared, her frantic eyes searching mine. “Wren Oliver is dead.”
The kids surrounding me started to giggle, whispering among themselves.
In the corner of my eye, my cousin was leaning against the door, mid eye roll.
When my aunt was ushering kids back to the pool, Jude came to crouch in front of me. Ever since I started living with him, he'd made sure to keep his distance.
This time, though, Jude leaned uncomfortably close, a sparkle in his eyes I had never seen before. Inclining his head, he rocked back and forth on his heels, prodding me in the forehead.
“If you see the dead boy again, can you tell me?” His lips curved into a smile.
“I did see him.” I gritted out. “I’m not lying.”
Jude shrugged. “I never said you didn't,” he lowered his voice into a whisper, “I wanna know when you see him again.”
“Why?”
His lips curved into a smirk.
“So, I can catch him.”
My cousin got closer, his breath tickling my cheek.
“I seeeeeeee dead people.”
After that incident, death left me alone for a while.
I was fifteen, walking through the forest with a friend, catching fireflies in bell jars. Aunt May was lucky to live so close to the forest, the entrance just outside her back door. When we were littles, PJ would drag Lily and I down the trail to escape Jude’s weird experiments.
I decided to invite Jem Littlewood on a summer walk.
Jem was cute, but in a dorky way. He was chronically clumsy, and dressed like he'd been spat out of a John Hughes movie. We hiked all the way to the end of the river and had a picnic, watching the sun set over the horizon. I was having conflicting feelings for this guy.
Jem was obsessed with fireflies.
Though he seemed more interested in photographing them than me.
The guy couldn't seem to sit still, jumping to his feet to marvel at tiny specks of light dancing in the air.
“I'm just going to take photos!” Jem beamed, holding up his camera.
I had to bite back the urge to say, “Don't you have enough photos?”
I nodded, and he turned and sprinted back down the trail.
Before his footsteps ground to a sudden halt.
At first, I thought he was snapping polaroids.
When I got closer, though, blinking in the eerie dark, I caught something.
Bending down, I picked up a bell jar still spilling fireflies.
Further down the trail, Jem was lying crumpled in the dirt, his camera smashed to pieces next to him, blood running in thick rivulets down his temple. There he was. Leaning against a tree, his arms folded, was the ghost boy. Wren Oliver was growing up with me. Now, a teenager, and yet his face was carved into something else entirely, more of a monster, slight points to his ears and too-sharp teeth, eyes ignited.
Wren didn't look like a ghost boy anymore.
Death had dressed him in shackles of ivy, a crown of glass and bone forced onto his head, entangled in his curls. Death was torturing him.
Wren’s body was its canvas, and every time I got away, he was punished, painting his failures across scarred skin.
I should have been running for my life, but I was mesmerised by each symbol cruelly carved into his neck.
The boy did a slow head incline, like he couldn't believe I was standing in front of him.
His slow spreading smile caught me off guard.
I remembered how to run, stumbling over my feet.
But I couldn't move.
The burning hatred that death had filled him with, was stronger, hollowing him out completely. I managed two shaky steps, before I felt him, an unearthly force winding its way around my spine. This time, he didn't hesitate.
I watched his mouth move, a single curve of his upper lip that wrenched my body from my control, slamming me against a tree. There was something around my throat, choking the breath from my lungs, a thick fog spreading over my eyes.
Following his mouth curving into silent letters, I could feel my feet slowly leaving the ground, my legs dangling.
I was floating.
Hovering off of the ground, suspended by his words.
Through half lidded eyes, I caught the glint of a blade between his fist, but I couldn't move, couldn't scream.
He was drowning me, bleeding into my blood, spider webbing and expanding in my brain without moving a muscle.
Instead, the ghost boy stood silently, running his thumb down the teeth of his knife while he ripped my lungs apart.
It was like suffocating, sinking into that peaceful oblivion I met at eight years old.
This time, though, the darkness was starving.
“Charlie?”
My eyes found daylight, a scream clawing out of my mouth.
“Charlie, it's past curfew!”
Wren flinched, his stoic expression crumpling.
The dead boy’s lips moved again, this time in a curse.
Fuck.
“Charlotte!”
Staggering back, Wren’s eyes widened and the suffocating hold on me severed.
His head snapped in the direction my aunt was coming from.
“Charlie, answer me right now.”
He hesitated, his bare feet pivoting in the dirt, like he was considering finishing me off. Wren studied me with lazy eyes, sucking on his bottom lip. When my aunt's footsteps got louder, branches snapping under her shoes, something contorted in the boy’s face.
Fear.
I guessed the boy wasn't expecting other humans to intrude.
Wren fell over himself, shuffling on his hands and knees, before diving to his feet. When he turned and ran, I was released, slipping to the ground, trying and failing to draw in breath. I barely felt the impact, only a dull thudding pain. I could hear the ghost boy’s footsteps, his uneven, shuddery breaths as he catapulted into a run.
Under a late setting sun, I watched his dancing shadow disappear into the trees.
Mission unsuccessful, I guessed.
When I was fully conscious, Aunt May was checking over Jem, helping him sit up.
“Where did he go?” I managed to get out, scanning the darkness for Wren.
“He's okay, just concussed.” May whispered, dialling 911.
My aunt applied a dressing to Jem’s wound, ignoring the boy’s hisses.
“Keep still.” she murmured, smoothing his bandaid. “What happened, Charlotte?”
“She pushed me over.” Jem groaned, shuffling away from me. When my aunt told him to stay calm, he straightened up, leaning against the tree. “The psycho bitch tried to fucking kill me!”
When my aunt's gaze flicked to me, I shook my head.
“It was Wren Oliver.” I gritted, teetering on hysteria. I could tell she didn't believe me, but I couldn't stop myself.
I prodded at my throat, clawing for the indentations where his phantom fingers snaked around my neck, squeezing the breath from my lungs.
But there was nothing.
I could feel my mind starting to unravel. I nodded to my disgruntled classmate trying to dodge my aunt’s prodding.
“Ow, ow, ow! That stings!
“He knocked Jem out.” I managed. “Then he tried to kill me.”
Jem surprised me with a scoff. “You're seriously blaming your psychotic break on a dead kid?”
Aunt May pursed her lips, motioning for Jem to be quiet. Judging from her face, however, she agreed with the boy.
May forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. “Okay. Can you, uh, describe the boy to me, Charlotte?”
“He was wearing a crown,” I said, “And he looked my age.”
Aunt May cocked her head, and I saw real worry, like she was trying not to freak out. Jem made a snorting noise.
“I'm sorry, he was wearing a crown?”
“Yes!” I insisted, getting progressively more frustrated.
I tried to jump up, only for my aunt to gently lower me back down. “I know it sounds crazy, but death has sent Wren Oliver to kill me, just like my family. He tried to kill me when I was twelve, too!”
Jem let out a bitter laugh. “Your niece is a fucking wackadoodle.”
Aunt May’s eyes darkened. She grabbed my shoulders, her nails stabbing into my skin. “Charlie, I want you to listen to me, okay?” When my eyes found the rapidly darkening sky, my aunt forced me to look at her.
“Charlotte!”
She was as scared as me, her voice shuddering.
“Wren Oliver is dead.” My aunt said firmly, shaking me. Even then, though, I wasn't even looking at her. I was trying to find his ignited eyes lighting up the dark. “Wren died at eight years old in a terrible accident, and you can't keep using him as an excuse for your mental trauma.” There was something twitching in her expression I was trying to make sense of. When I risked a look at Jem, the boy was staring at me dazedly– like I really was crazy.
Aunt May pressed her face into my shoulder, and I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt. She was trying to hold it together, trying to understand.
“Charlie, I know you lost your family,” she whispered. “But you and Wren Oliver are not the same. You survived, and he didn't.” Her voice splintered.
“You need to come to terms with that, okay?”
When I didn't respond, she pinched my chin, forcing me to look at her.
“Charlotte.”
Aunt May’s voice turned cold. “I ignored this when you were a kid, but if you continue to use this poor boy as a coping mechanism, I will have no choice but to send you to a specialist.”
When Jem was taken away by paramedics, Aunt May held my hand, squeezing my fingers for dear life.
I caught her gaze scanning the tree's around us, delving into twisting oblivion. Every little noise sent her twisting around. She was looking for something.
“I'm going to get you help.” Aunt May said in a low murmur when we were back at the house. Jude was sitting on the kitchen counter, legs swinging. I could feel his penetrating gaze burning into the back of my head.
Aunt May set a cup of cocoa on the table.
“No more fairytales.”
By the time I was eighteen, I had bitten three therapists.
They refused to believe that death was coming to reclaim my soul, and was using a dead boy to do his dirty work.
For my 16th birthday, I braced myself to come face to face with Wren Oliver’s ghost.
I wasn't even in town, staying at a friend's house.
But dead boys, and especially dead boys moulded into Death’s personal soldiers, could materialise anywhere.
I locked every door in the house, and taped up my friend’s window.
Nothing happened.
On my seventeenth birthday, I was sick in bed with gastritis.
Still no ghost boy.
Death seemed to have finally left me alone.
On my eighteenth birthday, I was stuffing books in my locker when my cousin popped up out of nowhere, scowling as usual. After an unexpected growth spurt and losing a tonne of baby fat, my cousin had scaled the high school hierarchy, swapping his weird experiments for a varsity jacket and experimenting with his sexuality.
The two of us had come to an unspoken truce.
I kept quiet about his spider collection to his popular friends, and he tolerated my existence until I left for college.
“Your surprise party is cancelled.”
Jude leaned against my locker, running a hand through thick dark hair tucked under a baseball cap. Jude never admitted it, but he was definitely embarrassed of being the odd one out.
My siblings may be dead, but they were still redheads.
I pulled off his cap with a smile, throwing it in his face. “Sure it is.”
My cousin’s eyes widened. He lost his slick bravado, grabbing for his cap.
“Hey!”
According to my cousin, my party was unexpectedly cancelled every year.
I wasn't sure if it was his weird superiority complex, or just plain jealousy, but it was getting exhausting.
Jude followed me down the hallway, matching my stride.
“Can you just not come home tonight?”
I quickened my pace. “It's only a party. I'm having some friends over, and no, we won't go anywhere near your room.”
“No, I mean.” Jude stepped in front of me, and for the first time in a while, he wasn't trying to hide disdain for me.
His dark eyes pinned me in place for a moment, the world around us coming to a halt. Sound bled away, and all I heard were his slow breaths. There was something there, an unexplainable twitch in his eyes and lips, that twisted my gut.
Jude stepped closer, his lip curling. He shoved me back, losing his facade.
“Stay the fuck away from the house tonight.” He said, and his voice, his tone, was enough to send shivers creeping down my spine. Jude had always hid behind a ten foot wall in his mind. It was jarring to see something in him finally start to splinter. Fuck. I thought.
This kid had serious Mommy issues.
I blinked, and the world resumed, kids pushing past us.
Jude seemed to catch himself, slipping back under his mask.
“I'm having friends over,” he rolled his eyes, “Your presence will ruin the vibe.”
“It's my birthday?”
He groaned, tipping his head back. “Yes, I know. But–”
“I think you can deal with the attention off of you for one night, Jude.”
“Will Wren Oliver be there too?” Jem Littlewood hollered.
Jude didn't respond for a moment, his lip curling.
“Shut the fuck up.” He spat at Jem, who immediately backed down. With an audience this time, Jude forced an award winning smile. “Fine.” His lips split into a grin I knew he hated. My cousin clamped his hand on my shoulder, hard enough to hurt. I could feel his fingers pinching the material of my jacket. “Have it your way, dude.”
Jude backed away with a two fingered salute.
“Happy 78th birthday!”
In a sense, I wish I listened to my cousin.
My party was a success, sort of.
Four of us, a crate of beers, and no sign of my cousin.
I was mildly tipsy, sitting on the edge of the pool, dangling my legs in the water when my friend demanded more beers.
I was also hungry for cake, so I stumbled inside in search of the goods.
The house was dark, lit up in dazzling blue from the pool's lights reflecting through the windows. Aunt May was in her office on the ground floor, and Jude was getting high in his room. In my drunken state, I found myself marvelling my aunt's house, and how much of it was left unexplored.
For example, in the foyer, past the spiral staircase she’d had custom made, was an elevator I had never questioned.
There was a girl my age standing on the staircase.
She was frozen, mid run, dressed in ragged jeans and t-shirt.
Everything about her stuck out to me, bringing me to a sobering halt.
The girl reminded me of my sister– or at least, if my sister had ever grown up.
I wasn't sure if I was drunk or hallucinating.
Her flower crown was pretty…
Lily had grown wings.
I was slowly moving towards her, a sudden bang sounding from the kitchen.
The bang of something shattering on the floor.
Twisting around, I found myself gravitating towards warm golden light.
The first thing I saw was the refrigerator door hanging open, and someone, no, something, rooting around inside it.
Glued to the spot, I dazedly watched them grab milk, guzzling it down, and then soda, cracking open each can and sucking them dry, before carving their fingers into my birthday cake.
But I wasn't looking at the spillage of food seeping across the floor. Instead, my gaze found a crown of antlers, both human and animal bone entangled with dead flowers and human remains glued to a head of familiar matted brown curls. There was something sticking from battered and bruised flesh, twin gaping slits sliced through a torn shirt resembling glass wings that were not yet formed, reminding me of a butterfly.
Wings.
But not the wings I dreamed of as a kid. These things were unnatural mounds that both did and didn't make sense on a human boy. I could see the trauma of them slicing through his flesh, monstrous, looming things protruding from what was left of a human spine.
Human, and yet I couldn't call his beautifully grotesque face human.
Wren Oliver had grown up with me, now an adult.
Eighteen years old.
His clothes confused me, a single white shirt and shorts.
Wren’s feet were bare, battered and bruised, blood smearing my aunt's tiles.
Angel.
Death had turned his footsoldier, and my future killer, into an angel.
But there was nothing angelic about the dead boy, his body and mind sculpted and moulded into Death’s own.
The boy no longer resembled a human, feral eyes and a manic smile, choking down pieces of cake. His face had been contorted into a monster, gnashing teeth and sharp points in his ears, a sickly tinge to malnourished skin.
And that's when it hit me, watching him stuff himself with food.
Something slimy inched its way up my throat.
The boy didn't move. I don't even think he'd noticed me, gorging himself on anything he could get his hands on.
Chicken, raw bacon, leftover salad.
When he moved onto cupcakes, licking frosting from his fingers, I glimpsed markings on his arms, a language I didn't understand, carved into him.
His wrists were shackled, bound, in entangled iron and vine, iron that was ingrained into his skin, vines and flowers and ivy entangling his bones, that were part of him, polluting his blood. Slowly, my eyes found stab wounds splitting open his torso.
Raw flesh, where his skin had been torched, melting, and then merging, ripped apart and put back together over and over again.
I found his heart, the gaping cavern in his chest where it should be.
And it was.
Marked, carved, and branded with a symbol resembling an X.
Wren Oliver was not dead.
But, just like me, he should have been.
I remember saying his name, my voice slurred slightly.
I didn't drink that much, but I could barely coerce words, my head spinning.
Wren’s neck snapped towards me, his eyes narrowing with resentment I couldn't understand, hatred that seemed to puppeteer him. Slowly tilting his head, the boy’s lips split into a grin, eyes filled, polluted, with mania.
I could see where his lips had been stitched shut, and then ripped open.
“Hi.”
He held up his hand in an awkward wave.
When one of my friends stumbled into the kitchen, Wren reacted on impulse.
He picked up a knife from the counter, throwing it like a dart, straight through the guy’s throat.
Something shattered inside my mind.
Ignoring my friend bleeding out, Wren stumbled over himself, abandoning his feast. He took a single step towards me, backing me against the wall, coming so close, close enough for me to feel his very real breath grazing my cheeks. Just like when he was a kid, he traced the teeth of his blade down my throat. I wasn't expecting him to burst out laughing, trembling with hysteria.
His eyes were wild, feral and wrong, almost euphoric.
With what all I could only recognise as relief.
BANG.
I was barely aware of the gunshot.
The bullet went straight through his head, the winged boy hitting the ground.
Dead.
I saw the blood stemming around him in a halo before the bleeding pool faltered, seeping back inside his head.
Like rewinding a VCR.
Wren was dead, and then he was alive.
Wren’s body contorted, his chest inflating.
His gasp for air was painful, strangled, eyes opening wide.
Terrified.
“You fucking idiot.”
Jude’s voice sent me twisting around.
My cousin stood in the exact same robes he wore as a child.
The world tipped off kilter, and I was on my knees, then my stomach.
I sunk to the floor, my thoughts swimming.
Jude’s murmur followed me, creeping into the dark.
“I told you not to come home.”
I can't remember how long I was unconscious for.
When I woke, I was dressed in an evening gown, a dress that used to be my mother’s.
My vision cleared, and I found myself sitting in an unfamiliar room resembling an abandoned swimming hall.
The pool itself was empty, the bottom stained revealing scarlet.
There were symbols carved into each tile.
Like a game.
“Sit up straight, Charlotte.”
I was sitting at a banquet.
Jude was in front of me, sipping on wine.
He caught my eye for half a second before averting his gaze.
At the far end of the table sat my aunt May.
Kissing the rim of her glass, her smile was twisted.
“I've been waiting so long to give you your birthday presents, Charlotte. Your memories should be returning soon.”
“Mom.” Jude muttered, hiding behind his glass. “Calm down. You're embarrassing yourself.”
Ignoring my cousin, May tapped her glass with a fork, and in walked my birthday presents.
No, dragged.
By their hair.
Wren Oliver, the dead boy, was in fact my aunt's prisoner.
Behind him, was the girl who looked so much like Lily.
I think that's why my aunt chose her.
Aunt May cleared her throat.
“For a long time, our family has lived among creatures who live in the forest you played inside. In exchange for keeping this town safe, they only ask for small favors. Wayward children who disappear into the woods are good enough payment. Charlie, you and your siblings do not share our inheritance. Your mother never wanted fae children. She wanted you to be human.”
Aunt May’s smile faded.
“After losing my sister, and my niece and nephew, I made a deal to give my last surviving niece 100 years of life.”
Her words were white noise, my gaze glued to my birthday presents. I couldn't call them human anymore.
I couldn't call Wren human, when his face was so beautifully grotesque, painfully hypnotising.
The monstrous things sticking from twin slits in his back were supposed to be wings, except they looked wrong, cruelly protruding from his exposed spine. Under the influence of alcohol earlier, the girl made me smile.
Her wings, to me, looked like one of a real fairy.
In reality, they were torn and shredded apart, bigger than the girl herself.
When she dropped onto her stomach, she was dragged back to her feet, her knees buckling under the weight. Her tiara of flowers and bone looked pretty to me when I saw her on the stairs.
Now, though, I could see the pearly white of a human child's skull forced onto her head, dead flowers threaded through cavernous, gaping eye sockets.
The two of them were violently shoved into the empty pool.
“Jude. Please demonstrate, sweetheart.”
Jude stood, pulling out a gun, and aiming it at the winged girl.
BANG.
The girl’s body hit the tiles, her blood seeping across stained white.
“Now, of course, our king did not give you life for free.” May continued.
“The King demanded a debt, as well as two heirs to join him in his court once your hundred years were complete.”
Her lips quirked into a smile.
“The king is smart. If a child cannot be stolen from the human world, they can, however, be made, moulded and shaped from their human forms, skinned of their humanity through their suffering, leaving a hollowed out shell in the child's place.” She was speaking so casually, ignoring Wren’s whimpers.
“The conversion takes a while. 100 years to birth a fully blooded fae heir, who will lose their human memories, in preparation to join their new family.”
Jude shot Wren in the chest, his eyes empty.
This time, he dropped his weapon, using finger-guns instead.
“Bang.” He deadpanned.
Then the neck.
I watched Wren come back to life, and then die.
Over and over again.
I think at one point, he screamed and cried.
But not now.
He was their puppet on display, dancing for their entertainment.
Half lidded eyes drowned in oblivion found mine, and I understood his hatred.
Before he was shot again.
Stabbed.
Branded and burned, and ripped apart.
At some point, I screamed at them to stop. I couldn't breathe, slamming my hands over my ears and begging them.
Aunt May didn't listen, ordering for my hands to be tied down.
“The King required two human sacrifices to suffer in your place.” She concluded. “For one hundred years.”
Aunt May’s smile was suddenly sad, and she lifted her glass in a toast.
I was watching their blood trickle down each tile in the pool, like every death, every time they suffered, my body became progressively less human.
I felt disgusting. I wasn't supposed to be alive. Every single year of my life, every breath I had taken, was stolen.
Aunt May nodded at me, her lips forming a proud smile. She stood up, and was handed a sacrificial knife.
Climbing into the swimming pool herself, she strode over to Wren.
The boy slumped to the floor, trembling, his knees against his chest.
Aunt May grabbed him by the hair, forcing his head up, and sliced the blade across his throat.
His eyes flicked to me, and I swore he smiled.
Spots of red dotted yellowing tiles, a river trickling under my aunt's heels.
“Happy 78th birthday, Charlotte.”
Last night ended with me being locked in my room.
It's been almost 15 hours, and the door is still locked. Please help me. I'm fucking terrified of what my aunt is planning.
I can't stop shgajing. FycjbfucibFUCK
If she is telling the truth, I shouldn't be here, right??
And I can't stop thinking.
Is Wren Oliver trying to kill me, or himself?

TW: transphobia and mention of the f slur) Context I’m young I won’t disclose how young but my mom is almost in her 50’s and my sister is almost 20. So I thought when I came out I think 4-5 years ago I thought I was non-binary but later discovered I was genderfluid. My mother and sister have been always a little bad about it but I was understanding of their point of view or tried to be. When I was younger soon after I had come out my mom talked to me in the car and said something along the lines of “I love you and will support you but you will always be my little girl” which at the time broke me but I understand how hard it must be for her now to have to switch at the time. I wanted to give them time to adjust but it feels as though we’re going backwards. My brother had a moment of accepting me crying on the phone and I hoped it was true that he had accepted me. Now he and his wife are more accepting then almost everyone in my family I even got to wear a tux at their wedding they correct themselves on my pronouns their okay with me wanting to be called uncle. I know I shouldn’t compare people on how accepting they are but my sisters nickname for me used to be the f slur. Now to the story recently we were on vacation we were in the hot tub and my sisters says “I just think almost every gay person (referring to all non straight and cis people) is traumatized” now there’s more to this quote because I asked her to elaborate and she did. She basically was insinuating that your gay because your traumatized and I said “maybe traumatized people are just trying more to find out out their emotions and in the process find out their sexuality or gender” she ignored me I don’t remember exactly what was said. Which is because I was so upset in that moment. I do remember though it was just transphobia being said or confusion of trans peoples experience. I got out of the hot tub and tried to leave they questioned me. I said I didn’t want to be involved in the conversation and it was making me upset. Then my mother said my sister was just asking questions and I said she wasn’t she was stating her opinion then my mother said “why are you so upset” I said “I’m not” and she said “you want me to record you and show you later you would agree” then I left and stayed in my bed for a day and half because I was so upset. I didn’t realize until recently how transphobic they are because only recently have they been more open about their transphobia saying things like “yeah having a uncle who wears dresses won’t be confusing” my mother being sarcastic when talking about my nephew and me. I chose to ignore the comment but my sister has called me an embarrassment and blamed that and something else on why she can’t make friends. My mother and sister never try with my pronouns anymore because I let it slide so much because I’m trying to be understanding but when I’ve gone by the same pronouns for 4 years it’s hard to be understanding and I’m not the only family member who’s part of the lgbtqia+ community and they don’t treat her like that. I just feel so angry and confused because I thought we had gotten past this point a long time ago. I guess we’ve gone backwards and it just makes me so upset and so sad to know this is supposed to be my family. I just wanted to get the way I felt about this situation off my chest I feel betrayed but thanks for listening.

Previous Post - https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1bsb0jl/aitah_i_27m_want_to_give_up_my_parental_rights_of/
I couple of hours ago someone asked about my situation. So I thought to give an update and few responses.
First of all except 2 comments each and every comment helped me. Both negative and positive ones. So thanks for that.
To the first dude that irritated me to you I want to say YES I read your comment that I don't deserve my GF and she should leave me. You don't need to reach me everywhere possible to say this to me. I read it once.
To the second dude. I am quoting a line I read in one reddit post for you. "You only have two brain cells competing for third place". You said I should leave my GF and get in relationship with my AP because she must have something which my GF lacks that why I cheated.
Now reason of the update. I am the father. But it is in the best interest of both me and the child that I am not involved in the child's life. Because of all the comments I thought about it for a long time and came to a conclusion that no bio-father is better than a bio-father who resents. I will still pay the child support. My GF also advised me that I should also create a college fund for the child. If there is something else I can do then you can give me some advice.
During my IC it has been revealed that I have developed borderline psychopathic tendencies due to my childhood and my work ethics. To be honest I always suspected this. I always had some degree of reduced empathy, risk-taking, and overly high self-regard when it comes to people who are not my family and GF. So I hope you can see the dangers here.
Now lets come to my family. Situation is not right. I am on LC with everyone except my grandparents and brother. It is my sister who has cut me the deepest. Two year ago when she got pregnant. Both she and husband decided to abort the child because they were not "emotionally prepared". It was their words. If my parents got to know about this all hells would have broken loose. It was I who kept her secret. It was I who helped both of them to get abortion as smoothly as possible without anyone knowing. Now when I needed her support she is saying it will be amazing to have a nephew or niece and she will be an amazing aunt. She is treating me like this now. Our relationship will never be the same again.
Now why AP did this. We were friends since we were 13 and we became FWB since we were 16. Somewhere down the line she started liking me romantically but I never saw her that way. I should have nip the problem in the bud back then but I was too selfish back then. Then my GF came in my life and I thought that it was too long her feelings would be long gone by now but now it has come to bite me back. Why she thought that by doing this we can be together I don't now. I think drugs has addled her mind or she is suffering with serious mental problems or she is obsessed with me.
Now lets come to the most important person in my life my GF. Some people were saying I should set her free and let her be happy. I am nor holding her captive neither I am forcing her to be with me. She is free to do what she wants. I even told her if all this get too much and she decides to leave me I will not hold it against her and I will understand why she did so and there will be no negative feeling from my side. She chose to stay with me. She also goes to IC. I am doing everything possible to make sure she doesn't suffer emotional torture from my family(except my grandparents and brother), AP, AP's family and AP's friends. Till now I have been successful. She also have got close to my grandmother and her sister. Its good to see that she has a good support system.
Now on to the comments saying that I was sexually assaulted. That night when AP made her move I remember saying "no it's not right" but she kept pestering and eventually gave in. If it was six years ago I could have resisted against AP's advances. Now I am thinking has my tolerance decreased or if I really cheated. I really don't know. But one thing is sure that I still betrayed her that night by doing drugs.
AITAH?

Previous Post - https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/1bsay74/i_27m_want_to_give_up_my_parental_rights_of_my/
I couple of hours ago someone asked about my situation. So I thought to give an update and few responses.
First of all except 2 comments each and every comment helped me. Both negative and positive ones. So thanks for that.
To the first dude that irritated me to you I want to say YES I read your comment that I don't deserve my GF and she should leave me. You don't need to reach me everywhere possible to say this to me. I read it once.
To the second dude. I am quoting a line I read in one reddit post for you. "You only have two brain cells competing for third place". You said I should leave my GF and get in relationship with my AP because she must have something which my GF lacks that why I cheated.
Now reason of the update. I am the father. But it is in the best interest of both me and the child that I am not involved in the child's life. Because of all the comments I thought about it for a long time and came to a conclusion that no bio-father is better than a bio-father who resents. I will still pay the child support. My GF also advised me that I should also create a college fund for the child. If there is something else I can do then you can give me some advice.
During my IC it has been revealed that I have developed borderline psychopathic tendencies due to my childhood and my work ethics. To be honest I always suspected this. I always had some degree of reduced empathy, risk-taking, and overly high self-regard when it comes to people who are not my family and GF. So I hope you can see the dangers here.
Now lets come to my family. Situation is not right. I am on LC with everyone except my grandparents and brother. It is my sister who has cut me the deepest. Two year ago when she got pregnant. Both she and husband decided to abort the child because they were not "emotionally prepared". It was their words. If my parents got to know about this all hells would have broken loose. It was I who kept her secret. It was I who helped both of them to get abortion as smoothly as possible without anyone knowing. Now when I needed her support she is saying it will be amazing to have a nephew or niece and she will be an amazing aunt. She is treating me like this now. Our relationship will never be the same again.
Now why AP did this. We were friends since we were 13 and we became FWB since we were 16. Somewhere down the line she started liking me romantically but I never saw her that way. I should have nip the problem in the bud back then but I was too selfish back then. Then my GF came in my life and I thought that it was too long her feelings would be long gone by now but now it has come to bite me back. Why she thought that by doing this we can be together I don't now. I think drugs has addled her mind or she is suffering with serious mental problems or she is obsessed with me.
Now lets come to the most important person in my life my GF. Some people were saying I should set her free and let her be happy. I am nor holding her captive neither I am forcing her to be with me. She is free to do what she wants. I even told her if all this get too much and she decides to leave me I will not hold it against her and I will understand why she did so and there will be no negative feeling from my side. She chose to stay with me. She also goes to IC. I am doing everything possible to make sure she doesn't suffer emotional torture from my family(except my grandparents and brother), AP, AP's family and AP's friends. Till now I have been successful. She also have got close to my grandmother and her sister. Its good to see that she has a good support system.
Now on to the comments saying that I was sexually assaulted. That night when AP made her move I remember saying "no it's not right" but she kept pestering and eventually gave in. If it was six years ago I could have resisted against AP's advances. Now I am thinking has my tolerance decreased or if I really cheated. I really don't know. But one thing is sure that I still betrayed her that night by doing drugs.
Anymore suggestions?
TLDR: I want to give up my parental rights of my potential affair child with previous FWB to save my relationship with my GF of 6 years. Now there is a rift in family because of this.

Ok here's what I've got today:

1. Dany is indeed the final "threat" of the story. That does not make her mad or evil.
2. The second dance is a global endgame conflict along lines or race, class, and religion.
3. The rise of R'hllor is about western anxieties around the rise of the Islamic empire and the perceived threat jihad posed to Christendom during the Middle Ages. Hence why the Faith of the Seven is a clear allegory for Catholicism and western monotheism, while R'hllor is a clear mashup of Zoroastrianism and eastern monotheism.

Even for me, this is going to be a pretty elaborate theory. But if you can get over the alternate timeline stuff I think I can provide an explanation of how the last three episodes of the show were D&D's attempt at depicting the second dance of the dragons.
The first dance of the dragons was a Targaryen war of succession fought with dragons on both sides, and George has said that a second dance will be a subject of a future book. The prevailing view in the fandom is that the Essos story will wrap up in Winds, and Dream will open with a quick dance between Dany and Aegon spanning the time it takes the Others to march from the Wall to the Trident.
My problem with that view is that Aegon doesn't have a dragon, the Essos story cannot resolve by the end of Winds, and you cannot fit a race war between Duskendale and King's Landing.

I. Some say the world will end in fire

The title of A Song of Ice and Fire is based on the Robert Frost poem 'Fire and Ice' which proposes the world can end in either fire or ice. In the poem ice is hatred and vengeance, and fire is love and desire. In the story, ice and fire manifest as the two threats looming over the Seven Kingdoms, being the Others to the north and Daenerys and her dragons to the east.
George is very upfront about this:

Well of course the two outlying ones, the things going on north at the wall, and Daenerys Targaryen on the other continent with her dragons, are of course the ice and fire of the title, a song of ice and fire. The central stuff, the stuff that's happening in the middle in King's Landing, is much more based on historical events, historical fiction, it's loosely drawn from the war of the roses and some of the other conflicts around the hundred years war, although of course with a fantasy twist.
One of the dynamics I started with there was the sense of people being so consumed by their petty struggles for power within King's Landing that they're blind to the much greater threats happening far away on the periphery of their kingdoms. And of course you can see that all through history...
~ GRRM

Yet the way the story has developed, the ice is coming before the fire. Once the Long Night comes, Dany can no longer be perceived as a threat because the Others pose a common enemy. This is why I believe the story will show us a split timeline.
Like the poem, one ends in ice and the other ends in fire.
In the first timeline the threat is the Long Night, where ice comes to end the world and fire wages a war for the dawn. In the second timeline the invasion from the north is prevented, so the threat is the from the east. It's Azor Ahai. It's the Stallion Who Mounts the World. With no ice apocalypse to fight, a holy war in the name of a fire god becomes a threat to the people of Westeros.

"People say I was influenced by Robert Ford’s poem, and of course I was, I mean... Fire is love, fire is passion, fire is sexual ardor and all of these things. Ice is betrayal, ice is revenge, ice is… you know, that kind of cold inhumanity and all that stuff is being played out in the books." ~ GRRM

Like in the poem, the threat of the Others is about hatred. The Others are the revenge of the Children of the Forest. Also like the poem, the threat of dragons will be about love and desire. Dragons are a manifestation of Dany's desire to liberate and conquer, but also her quest for love and belonging.

"Fire is a cruel way to die. Dalla died to give this child life, but you have nourished him, cherished him. You saved your own boy from the ice. Now save hers from the fire." ~ Jon II, ADWD

The kingdom is saved from ice and then it must be saved from fire. From love, desire, and dragons.

II. Under the banner of House Targaryen

I believe that in the second timeline Tyrion doesn't sabotage the Aegon cause out of spite, and so Aegon actually does go meet Dany in Essos. He is accepted by Rhaegal due to his Valyrian blood, so Dany accepts his legitimacy and the two are betrothed. Thus House Targaryen will proceed to conquer the world, with an empire stretching from Vaes Dothrak to Casterly Rock.
That may sound ambitious given the size of Dany's dragons, but consider the alliance forming under the banner of House Targaryen.

1. Dany has already established a foothold in Slaver's Bay.
2. Dany is headed for Vaes Dothrak where she will no doubt raise a Dothraki army.
3. Victarion has brought the Iron Fleet and is fighting Dany's enemies from Astapor and Yunkai.
4. The Red Temple is preaching Dany as the messiah and want her to lead a slave revolt in Volantis.
5. Red Priests are leading religious uprisings in Qohor.
6. Barristan has promised Pentos to the Tattered Prince.
7. Dorne already seeks to align themselves with House Targaryen.
8. Tyrion has promised the gold of Casterly Rock to the Second Sons.
9. The Golden Company originally broke their contract with Myr to join Dany.

Dany's dragons may be young, but people are flocking to her just as Quaithe said they would. Everyone wants a piece of the miracle, and that desire has inspired the messianic prophecies that now surround her. Dany's story is even more powerful than her dragons.

Tyrion considered saying something, then thought better. It seemed to him that the prophecy that drove the red priests had room for just one hero. A second Targaryen would only serve to confuse them. ~ Tyrion VIII, ADWD

People often speculate that Aegon will steal Dany's thunder in Westeros and drive her to jealousy and madness, but currently Aegon is the one who is insecure about being less accomplished. For people in Essos, Daenerys Targaryen is the messiah, but Aegon is just a boy.
^{Remember how the show framed Jon and Dany's first encounter. Jon show is also Aegon IV.}
In the west this dynamic will be inverted. The mummer's dragon was raised to adhere to the norms of Westeros, so Aegon VI will be perceived as the rightful king coming to restore peace and stability after a corrupt Lannister regime. Meanwhile Dany will be perceived as the queen of savages, bringing with her a foreign fire religion. This plays out on the show as well.

"No." The eunuch's voice seemed deeper. "He is here. Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them." ~ Epilogue, ADWD

I know that the dynamic I'm putting forward here isn't new, but this doesn't work in the middle of the Long Night, nor does it make sense after. A dragonless Aegon Targaryen cannot prove his legitimacy, nor survive the Others, nor call himself protector of the realm.
Symbols matter. Wyman Manderly makes this clear.

To thwart him White Harbor must have Ned's son … and the direwolf. The wolf will prove the boy is who we say he is, should the Dreadfort attempt to deny him. ~ Davos IV, ADWD

But in another timeline where he brings a (green) dragon, Aegon will have the proof he needs to pull off a Targaryen restoration.
While Aegon has been raised to adhere to Westerosi norms so he can appeal to the church and aristocracy, Dany's following in Essos is being built through slave revolts and the rise of R'hllor. The only way to hold this global empire together would be a Dany and Aegon marriage. Yet Aegon is not Dany's type nor is Dany Aegon's. Rather, the two are setup to be mostly jealous and resentful of each other. And what happens when two married people resent each other?
They get divorced.

III. World War D

To explain how this ignites, I have to use everyone's least favorite scene from season 8.
Let's talk about Dany's speech:

You are liberators! You have freed the people of King's Landing from the grip of a tyrant. But the war is not over. We will not lay down our spears until we have liberated all the people of the world. From Winterfell to Dorne, from Lannisport to Qarth, from the Summer Isles to the Jade Sea! Men, women, and children have suffered too long beneath the wheel. Will you break the wheel with me?
~Shownerys Targaryen

I understand that D&D treat Dany's ending without much nuance, aiming to paint her in the most fascist light possible. And I understand that for many, this scene is simply a reflection of D&D's fear of women and brown people (I'm Palestinian, I get it). However, I think it's cope to argue D&D pulled this out of nowhere. A global jihad to liberate the world is very much setup in the books.

"Benerro has sent forth the word from Volantis. Her coming is the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy. From smoke and salt was she born to make the world anew. She is Azor Ahai returned … and her triumph over darkness will bring a summer that will never end … death itself will bend its knee, and all those who die fighting in her cause shall be reborn …" ~ Tyrion VI, ADWD

The Red Temple are gearing up for a holy war across Essos. After Dany helps them topple slavery and take control of Volantis, the Red Priests will seek to take control of the neighboring Free Cities. Dany doesn't need to become a R'hllor fundamentalist to allow this (and she won't), she simply needs to accept it as part of the anti-slavery crusade. After all...
Most of the Free Cities still allow slavery.
So the uprisings won't end in Volantis. Lys, Myr, and Tyrosh, all practice slavery. The Red Priests are already instigating riots in Qohor, where slavery is illegal but still practiced by the wealthy. Next is Norvos, a theocracy where slavery is also practiced. After Norvos is Pentos, again where slavery is forbidden but still practiced by the rich. Most notably Illyrio Mopatis, a wealthy backer of the slave trade who has been the puppet master behind the Targaryen restoration plot from the beginning. Whether Daenerys makes good on Barristan's promise to the Tattered Prince, Pentos is where her story began and the story is pulling her back.

Tyrion pondered all he knew of Volantis, oldest and proudest of the Nine Free Cities. Something was awry here. Even with half a nose, he could smell it. "It's said there are five slaves for every free man in Volantis. Why would the triarchs assist a queen who smashed the slave trade?" He pointed at Illyrio. "For that matter, why would you? Slavery may be forbidden by the laws of Pentos, yet you have a finger in that trade as well, and maybe a whole hand. And yet you conspire for the dragon queen, and not against her. Why? What do you hope to gain from Queen Daenerys?" ~ Tyrion III, ADWD

While Aegon proceeds to conquer Westeros by appealing to the ruling class, Dany's forces will carry out an anti-slavery crusade across the Free Cities. This crusade will not only abolish slavery, but will topple the ruling class and spread R'hllor, threatening both the aristocracy and the church, who fear the same in Westeros. Aegon might demand that she stop, but he'd have no power in Essos, where people are loyal to the black dragon, not the green.
This sets up the core political basis for a second dance. It won't really be over the question of legitimacy (it never is), but rather conflicting approaches and interests. Just like in the first dance, the dispute is between a progressive monarchy (the blacks) and a traditionalist aristocracy (the greens). It's a dispute that threatens to spin out into a global conflict along lines of race, class, and religion.
Once again, Tyrion is the saboteur. Tyrion will fall for Dany and act upon his unrequited love by instigating the conflict. This could involve anything from planting the seed that Aegon might be a Blackfyre to insinuating that Aegon is having an affair and plans to have her set aside (perhaps over her alleged infertility). But Tyrion can't invent a conflict, he can only instigate what already exists.
My guess is that this all comes to a head when Dany goes against Aegon's wishes and burns Illyrio alive for treason. This will be true. He is after all guilty of funding the Triarchs against her. You may feel this is justified, but it will still invite comparisons to Aerys. Then Aegon will have Missandei taken into custody for spying on behalf of Daenerys. This will also be true. Finally, Aegon will seek to have Dany deposed, she will declare him a pretender, the Aegon loyalists will turn on the Dany loyalists, she will mount Drogon, he will mount Rhaegal, and the dragons will dance.
Black vs Green

Teora gave a tiny nod, chin trembling. "They were dancing. In my dream. And everywhere the dragons danced the people died." ~ Arianne I, TWOW

When the dance is done, Dany will be victorious. But the collateral damage will be catastrophic, with countless civilian casualties as well as the death of Rhaegal. The quest will have turned her into the villain of the story she was raised on. The tragedy of the mother of dragons is that she becomes the usurper and kills her own child.
This is pretty much where I see the end of the Dany story. If you disbelieve her death on the show, then Dany can fly away to Asshai never to return. Otherwise Dany will be assassinated by someone close to her (probably Jorah Mormont). In the new timeline she and Jon never meet.
The twist is that the Dothraki, Unsullied and Fiery Hand never invade.
The holy war never comes to Westeros.

IV. Dany's Landing

George has said the second dance doesn't have to mean Dany's invasion.

The second Dance of Dragons does not have to mean Dany's invasion. George stopped himself short and said he shouldn't say anymore. ~ SSM

I think he said that because it doesn't. Daenerys will come to Westeros, but we're not getting two consecutive Targaryen invasions, because why on earth would we need that?
I know that is controversial, but really look at the story. There isn't space for a full scale Daenerys invasion. People kind of see this already. When most fans describe what they expect a Dany invasion would be, it's typically just two battles between Duskendale and King's Landing.
But a true Dany invasion is practically a race war. It's a massive story that would bring tens of thousands of people who are ethnically, culturally, and religiously alien to the continent. Really ask yourself, who will lead the Dothraki after Daenerys? How do the Unsullied fit into Westerosi society? What will the Fiery Hand hand think about King Bran? These groups don't share the same customs or language, they can't establish new houses, and they don't even want to live in Westeros. Without Dany becoming queen to help them assimilate, the only options they have are to fight to the death or leave.
^{And no, George won't resolve the Essos story by having all the foreigners die in the Long Night.}
I believe that as the Essos plot expanded to be about ending slavery, George decided he'd rather not have the freed slaves show up to Westeros as a hoard that gets massacred and then leaves. Instead it seems that the Dany invasion from the original outline was scrapped in favor of a more fleshed out Essos campaign, and the Aegon invasion was created as a replacement in the west.
Even with this change, the overall Dany arc is as originally intended. It's queen, conqueror, messiah, then downfall.

The whispers became a swirling song. . . . three fires must you light . . . one for life and one for death and one to love ~ Daenerys IV, ACOK

The second fire is not King's Landing. It's in Volantis. The fire for death will be Dany burning the Old Blood behind their Black Walls. The show depicts this as the burning of the khals, which is followed by people worshiping her as the messiah (also adapted from Volantis). In addition to being proclaimed Azor Ahai in Volantis, Daenerys will also take up the mantle of the Stallion Who Mounts the World in Vaes Dothrak. This is a clear historical parallel to Genghis Khan, who's ambition to conquer the world was also justified as being the will of god. Just like the show, the books are building up to a situation where all of Dany's loyalists are from Essos, her destiny is perceived as being divinely ordained, and her downfall prevents a crusade to "remake the world."
Yet Daenerys still lands in Westeros in both timelines. In one she will reconstruct the messiah narrative, and in the other she will deconstruct it.

That night she dreamt that she was Rhaegar, riding to the Trident. But she was mounted on a dragon, not a horse. When she saw the Usurper's rebel host across the river they were armored all in ice, but she bathed them in dragonfire and they melted away like dew and turned the Trident into a torrent. Some small part of her knew that she was dreaming, but another part exulted. This is how it was meant to be. The other was a nightmare, and I have only now awakened. ~ Daenerys III, ASOS

In the Long Night, the Daenerys story will be close to fantasy. She'll come to Westeros as a messiah, and characters will perceive her as a light in the darkness that gives humanity a fighting chance. She doesn't need to bring her army for this, she just needs to use her fire to empower the people of the Seven Kingdoms to fight for their own lives.
I don't expect her to have a literal war council with every major character, but she will likely face Euron and fight alongside Jon.

"When I went to the Hall of a Thousand Thrones to beg the Pureborn for your life, I said that you were no more than a child," Xaro went on, "but Egon Emeros the Exquisite rose and said, 'She is a foolish child, mad and heedless and too dangerous to live.' When your dragons were small they were a wonder. Grown, they are death and devastation, a flaming sword above the world." He wiped away the tears. "I should have slain you in Qarth." ~ Daenerys III, ADWD

In the second timeline, the Daenerys story will be political. She'll come to Westeros as a "messiah", and characters will perceive her as a destroyer of worlds. A tyrant queen bringing foreign savages to topple their way of life. For Dany the challenge will be political, not military. It will revolve around dealing with a nobility that refuse to bend to her will.
I don't expect her to have an irrational beef with the Stark girls, but she will likely seem antagonistic to the other protagonists.
Yet she is the same character in both timelines. What changes is the story.

"I am no maester to quote history at you, Your Grace. Swords have been my life, not books. But every child knows that the Targaryens have always danced too close to madness. Your father was not the first. King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land." (...)
"So I am a coin in the hands of some god, is that what you are saying, ser?" ~ Daenerys VI, ASOS

Whether Dany's landing is greatness or madness actually is in the hands of some god, and that god is the storyteller. Whether that storyteller is Bran or Sam or George, or even you the reader, the point is to reconcile the duality. Great figures like Daenerys Targaryen are heroes to some and villains to others, and ultimately they are defined by the story we choose to tell about them.

V. Summary

George has stated that the dual threats of ice and fire are from the north and the east, and that Dany is the threat from the east (essentially Genghis Khan with a dragon).
The second dance of the dragons does not refer to Dany's invasion. It refers to a global succession dispute between Daenerys and Aegon which takes place at the end of the story. Much like the Dany and Aegon of the show, the two will have irreconcilable differences that make marriage impossible and thus divide the Targaryen empire.
Once again it's blacks vs greens. While the female claimant rides the black dragon (Drogon), the male claimant will ride the green dragon (Rhaegal). While the people of Essos favor Daenerys, the people of Westeros will favor Aegon. While Dany builds her coalition through slave revolts that replace the ruling class, Aegon will build his coalition by winning the ruling class over to his side. While the Red Temple of R'hllor proclaims Dany to be their messiah, the Faith of the Seven will anoint Aegon VI as the one true king (religious uprisings are already underway in both continents). If Daenerys brings her army from Essos, it will be race war, class war, and holy war.
However neither Dany nor Aegon will be religious. As in history, the religions will mostly be used as competing stories to justify who should rule. Yet the stories used to consolidate support behind the black and green dragons will also push them to conflict. Thus the mother of dragons will be forced to kill not only her alleged nephew, but also her own child.
In the end the holy war will be averted, but that's another story.