Hello,
I'm posting on reddit to get advice about my sleeping issues because they're literally destroying me, and I'm really having dark thoughts these days.
Just to explain quickly, since 1 year I have no idea why, but I'm getting awake multiple times; my record is 8 times in a single night.
The consequences are dramatic:

• I have an insane sleep debt because I have never felt recovered. - I'm always tired, with dark circles under my eyes.

-My memory is now worse than ever; even though I cannot memorize information in short memory, it lasts only 30 seconds 😭 .

• I cannot have complex activities that use my brain, like analysis or logic, anymore.
  
• I work in a very challenging post in a bank as a devops engineer, and I feel like I have a huge disadvantage in anything I work on...
  
• I constantly search my words when I speak, and most of the time I have to use alternative words because I cannot remember the one that is adequate.
  
• I was many times near having car accidents because I'm sleepy during the day.
  

I'm totally depressed I'm really thinking of the worst because I have tried to heal myself, but nothing has worked.
I had appointments with several doctors : stomach, ENT
But he is also one of the best Google reviewed sleep doctor in my region. He said after several tests that I do sleep apnea and I used the PPC device for a whole month, but instead of making me better, it's even worse because it's awakened me more...
I have also tried everything else, like : not eating in the afternoon and doing sports regularly..
I don't want to use medical sleep drogues because they make me zombies and have many side effects.
If anyone has experienced something similar or can suggest something to make my life better, I would try anything...
Ps : Sorry for my bad English; I'm French.
Thanks in advance.

Keep your bio short, sweet and lighthearted. Avoid things and statements that can be used against you. You don't need something special or extravagant and having a bio that's too long or in depth can look as too tryhard. Instead work on your pictures, because in the end those will decide if someone swipes left or right on you regardless of what they say... because only once they decided that you are cute enough they will open up your bio
Tease slightly. Be humorous. Tell them how good your life is without directly saying it. And pictures pictures pictures. Each picture needs to be high quality. Bio doesn't have the same strength as decent pictures.
Write something that tells me about you--what you like to eat, do in your free time, watch on tv, last cool place you visited or want to visit next, whatever. The worst is guys who write nothing or just their IG handle, FFS. If that's all the time and thoughtfullness you can put into a profile, I'm going to assume that's what I'll get from you in a relationship. Also, is it laziness or complete lack of self-awareness? This is why writing even a little bit about yourself can be really important in this context.
Every girl is gonna be attracted to something different and the character limit blows. Just be yourself
OK, so, you officially downloaded Bumble, picked out your best dating-app-friendly photos, and brushed up on some Bumble openers. Now, it's time to create the best Bumble bio. But where do you begin?
Creating a good Bumble bio that stands out may sound like an intimidating task, but it's super important you don't half-ass this step. According to Bumble's US data from April, "those who added a bio to their profile experienced an increase in their average number of monthly matches than members who didn't," a Bumble spokesperson says. Clearly, it's important for a better dating experience.
But just because crafting the best Bumble bios sounds intimidating doesn't mean it has to be. Really, it starts with thinking about all of the things that make you you. With the help of a Bumble spokesperson, here are some tips and ideas on how to craft the best Bumble bios to score quality matches.
Tips on How to Write the Best Bumble Bio
Complete your entire profile first. Before deciding on what to include in your bio, Bumble recommends filling out the rest of your profile. Add to your "Interests," "Basics," and "Lifestyle" badges, which will give people an idea of who you are and what you're looking for. Then, take a look at your profile and decide what about yourself is missing from it. Per the Bumble spokesperson, some of the most popular Bumble profiles included information on a user's dating intentions, exercise interest, and zodiac sign.
Highlight the things that matter to you. The Bumble spokesperson said this will help to make sure you're matching with people who share similar interests as you. For example, if it's important you match with a fellow dog-lover, make sure you mention something about your own dog (or the type of dog you want). To stand out from the billion other profiles that mention a dog, don't be afraid to add some spice to your profile. "Try to jazz your bio up a little by exaggerating your statements or cracking a joke," the Bumble spokesperson says. Just remember, you don't have to say too much — brevity is key.
Focus on the positive and not the negative. Bumble data shows that positivity is one of the most important traits for Bumble members worldwide, according to the spokesperson. Instead of listing out what you don't want in a partner, hone in on what you do want. "Focusing on what you do like can be a much better way to find someone who ticks all your boxes," the rep says. In other words, don't use your bio to list out things you're not looking for in a dating-app match.
Ask those closest to you what makes you special. Ask your friends or family what key things they think a date should know about you, the Bumble spokesperson suggests. "They won't overthink it in the same way you might."
Once you're ready to write your bio, here are some ideas to get the juices flowing. Feel free to copy and paste, or tailor the below to your individual preferences and needs.
Funny Bumble Bios
"Would do dirty things to [insert the name of your favorite sports team's coach] if it meant the [your favorite sports team] would win."
"If you're not messing up the lyrics to 'Fergalicious' with me, I don't want it."
"My definition of loving me unconditionally is always giving me the last mozzarella stick."
"As an English major, you will 1,000 percent make my day if you prove you know the difference between your and you're."
"Always hungry, and I mean, physically hungry — not hungry for success, or anything."
Best Bumble Bios
"If you're down to rave with me, you have my heart."
"Looking for someone who also has an adventurous palate!"
"I'm DTF. Yes, that's down to food — always."
"If attending a Saturday morning SoulCycle date is your idea of 'fun,' I'm yours."
"What's your most controversial opinion?"
Sexy Bumble Bios
"Ice cream is my second favorite thing to eat in bed."
"In the mood for a glizzy, and not the hot dog kind."
"Looking to cook my famous lasagna in exchange for you showing me your favorite bagel spot the next morning."
"Nothing will turn me on more than a match who knows their Harry Potter."
"My favorite summer activity is playing sand volleyball, so you could say I'm pretty good on my knees."
Good Bumble Bios
"Team sweets over salty. Don't agree? Give me your best argument."
"Tell me about your next tattoo or piercing."
"I would sell my soul for an unlimited supply of my mom's homemade dumplings."
"Must know your thoughts on Beyoncé's new country album."
"If you like Pizza Hut breadsticks, Taylor Swift, and drinking way too many espresso martinis, we'll get along just great."

Im 13 and in year 8 and had the homework task of writing a paragraph about how Boxer from animal farm progresses throughout the novella and here it is! I know it’s not good so I would really appreciate feedback. I know it’s really long sorry
Throughout the novella, Orwell depicts Boxer as a selfless and sympathetic worker while simultaneously portraying him as gullible, and exposing the manipulation he suffers due to his naïveté and lack of literacy.
Napoleon, after successfully exiling Snowball, decides that the building of the windmill will in fact go ahead, requiring the animals’ input. In an attempt to inspire the animals, Squealer is then tasked with giving motivational speeches to them, yet it was often the sight of Boxer ‘toiling up the slope inch by inch, his breath coming fast, the tips of his hoofs clawing at the ground and his great sides matted with sweat’ that filled everyone with motivation. The use of listing emphasises the substantial amount of strength and vigour exerted by Boxer while working on the farm. Concurrently, it also creates a vivid image of travail using figurative language, which causes the reader to feel sympathetic for Boxer. The verb [toil] implies prolonged and fatiguing labour, uncovering how much he sacrifices for the farm and revealing Boxer’s altruistic and heroic character. Alternatively, it also connotes exploitation, with employees being forced to work unjust, strenuous hours with little to no return, exposing how his willingness to drudge is leveraged by Napoleon.
Despite enduring all these struggles, he never complains or protests and in fact regularly states ‘[he] will work harder’. Boxer’s frequent repetition of this maxim reveals how devoted he is to the animal’s cause and his unwavering dedication to Napoleon’s regime. It also demonstrates how he is a vital and key part of Animal Farm’s revolt, as he already works more than any other animal on the farm yet still endeavours to give more, shown by him reducing his sleep hours. His constant desire to ‘work harder’ is what has led to him becoming one of the most respected animals on Animal Farm, a quality Napoleon manipulates to promote his ideology towards the other animals. The first person personal pronoun ‘I’ depicts the accountability Boxer feels and through this, we are able to infer that in the face of adversity, he finds faults in himself, rather than in Napoleon and his governance, hinting at his indoctrination; he is convinced that Napoleon, as the leader of Animal Farm, can do no wrong, and any problems on the farm are a result of his own shortcomings, illustrating his naïveté. Alternately, ‘I’ could perhaps elucidate how he sacrifices himself to ameliorate the lives of the other animals on the farm, conveying his self-abnegation.
This is not the only motto Boxer adopts, as after Squealer diminishes Snowball’s accomplishments in the Battle of the Cowshed, Boxer has the chance to think things over, and comes to the conclusion that ‘Napoleon is always right’. The use of the simple sentence betrays Boxer’s innocence, as well as his lack of intelligence, as he is not able to deliberate complex pieces of information. Furthermore, this quote demonstrates that he believes everything told to him by Napoleon, uncovering the degree to which Napoleon reveres and follows the Pigs, indicating how he has been indoctrinated. This is further emphasised by the use of logical fallacy; it is impossible for Napoleon to be right all of the time, implying that this statement is false. From this, we come to acknowledge that Boxer is tricked and manipulated into assuming an argument that, with logic, can be easily dismantled, uncovering how it is lack of literacy that is allowing Napoleon to abuse and terrorise him and the other animals. Boxer is an extremely strong, large horse, as well as the most powerful on the farm, meaning he could easily take down the Pigs with brute strength, but as he isn’t able to realise the corruptness of Napoleon’s regime or speak out against him, he ends up suffering. The adverb ‘always’ implies the fact that there is no room for dissent against Napoleon and emphasises how absolute his power is. It also suggests continued faith and devotion to a leader, and this devotion keeps the animals passive towards Napoleon and his abuse.
Boxer, due to his lack of intelligence, is constantly at the receiving end of this abuse, contrary the fact that ‘Nothing on the farm could’ve been achieved without [him], whose strength seemed equal to that of all the other animals put together’ The use of the declarative sentence asserts Boxer’s significance on the farm, and shows that his strength was essential and critical to the farm’s development. By emphasising Boxer’s brawn through comparison, Orwell, while conveying his notably immense physical strength, prompts you to consider the fact that he is still just a subordinate worker, due to his stupidity. Additionally, the phrase might allude to how Boxer, as arguably the most influential character on Animal Farm, is used by Napoleon to control and manipulate the other animals: by indoctrinating Boxer with his corrupt ideologies, Napoleon is able to sway the others, meaning without Boxer and his influence, Napoleon would not have been able to dominate and command Animal Farm, exhibiting his role as a pawn in enabling Napoleon’s regime. The pronoun ‘nothing’ exaggerates the extent to which the farm requires Napoleon’s input, by suggesting that absolutely nothing could have been achieved without him, indicating his prominence. Contrarily, ‘nothing’ also connotes insignificance, which exposes how despite everything Boxer does for the farm, he is a mere tool utilised by Napoleon to further his agenda.
Orwell has arguably presented Boxer this way to reveal how without the benefit of learning and the ability to express themselves, people are susceptible to being exploited by their ruthless leaders, despite their strength in number. Boxer serves as an allegory for the Russian proletariat, who helped to oust Tsar Nicholas II and establish the Soviet Union, but were eventually betrayed by the Communist government under Stalin. His sympathetic character alludes to how the proletariat were abused by Stalin unjustly, and is a result of Orwell’s intent to prompt pity for the Russian proletariat from the reader. By characterising Boxer as gullible and naïve despite his immense physical power, Orwell uncovers the ease Stalin had in enforcing his power over the numerous proletariat and manipulating them due to their lack of literacy and simultaneously criticises Stalin’s tyrannical rule of the people powering his nation.

DiscDisclaimer: I am not posting about a single language - This post applies to all languages.
Hi everyone. I recently posted on French about what it feels like to unstand spoken French:
https://www.reddit.com/French/comments/1d3jilf/what_does_it_actually_feel_like_to_understand/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
And despite not specifically asking for advice on how to enhance my listening comprehension, I received a lot of it and I am really grateful for that. Ever since I wrote the post, I've decided to take active action to listen to and bingewatch content on YouTube on topics that I'm actually interested in, so that I would feel the urge to binge their videos and hopefully learn a bunch of new expressions every day using comprehensible input (I'm between B1 and B2 in French, so at the "intermediate plateau" stage).
However, a lot of YouTubers do not have line-by-line subtitles added onto their videos, and especially due to the ambiguous nature of spoke French syllables and mumbling, automatic subtitles would often get the words wrong, leading to some sentences making absolutely no sense. I would then end up learning the wrong phrases / terms and my skill level would take a hit instead of improving.
How would you approach such situations? For example, is there a workaround speech-to-text technology that is more accurate than the inbuilt YouTube one for multiple languages, and especially for French? Any other ways in which I can still learn languages watching YouTube content that I like despite not having accurate, typed subtitles in videos?
In addition to that, even when I watch Netflix and turn on subtitles in my target langauges I get direct translations from the English CC instead of what's verbally said by the dubbed voice actors. How do you people even learn languages using Netflix? I've heard that many people do that but surely when the subtitles are that inaccurate you can't do much about it?
Thanks!

One of my hopes for a community based storytelling project I'm chipping away at, is that soon we'll be able to define certain paramaters with the help of LLMs, for tagging image sets in a deeply personal/project specific way. I'm hoping the 5090 (and fingers crossed my recently purchased 7950x/96GB RAM) will suffice to deliver 24fps realtime framerates at high res, using speech driven prompting.
My motivations are to keep the experience safe and focussed for all participants, so very mindful tagging and image sets will be crucial.
My expanded questions: Are there any directly capable, or cobbled together custom and/or open source solutions that can allow us to work with an LLM to inform them of characteristics we would like to help them recognise in a series of images; then request them to scrape the webs (or manually provided source content) in order to make layers of inferences from specific images, bearing in 'mind' the complex descriptors provided to the LLMs for guidance, and many prior human interpretations of the same images/artworks; and then have the LLMs describe / justify the reasoning for the interpretations they have made, based on the predefined set of conditions?
I'm thinking of ultimately training/finetuning at least one custom LLM on the outcome of my own interactions with another LLM, to come to some mutually respectful agreement about the value of certain inferences made by myself and the LLM regarding layers of meaning in specific images. I don't mind being disagreed with as long as the LLM can justify its position. Better to have colleagues IMHO than work alongside subservient "Yes LLMs".
Perhaps in the end there will be several models and their agents operating as the board of directors (or perhaps more accurately for this project - as a selection panel). I'd like to work with different families of LLMs to establish who plays nice together.
Any suggestions on who to go looking for on the LLM front, or care to share your success stories in achieving any or all of the above? Many Thanks.

One of my hopes for a community based storytelling project I'm chipping away at, is that soon we'll be able to define certain paramaters with the help of LLMs, for tagging image sets in a deeply personal/project specific way. I'm hoping the 5090 (and fingers crossed my recently purchased 7950x/96GB RAM) will suffice to deliver 24fps realtime framerates at high res, using speech driven prompting.
My motivations are to keep the experience safe and focussed for all participants, so very mindful tagging and image sets will be crucial.
My expanded questions: Are there any directly capable, or cobbled together custom and/or open source solutions that can allow us to work with an LLM to inform them of characteristics we would like to help them recognise in a series of images; then request them to scrape the webs (or manually provided source content) in order to make layers of inferences from specific images, bearing in 'mind' the complex descriptors provided to the LLMs for guidance, and many prior human interpretations of the same images/artworks; and then have the LLMs describe / justify the reasoning for the interpretations they have made, based on the predefined set of conditions?
I'm thinking of ultimately training/finetuning at least one custom LLM on the outcome of my own interactions with another LLM, to come to some mutually respectful agreement about the value of certain inferences made by myself and the LLM regarding layers of meaning in specific images. I don't mind being disagreed with as long as the LLM can justify its position. Better to have colleagues IMHO than work alongside subservient "Yes LLMs".
Perhaps in the end there will be several models and their agents operating as the board of directors (or perhaps more accurately for this project - as a selection panel). I'd like to work with different families of LLMs to establish who plays nice together.
Any suggestions on who to go looking for on the LLM front, or care to share your success stories in achieving any or all of the above? Many Thanks.

Hey, everyone!
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    1. Answers produced this way are not accurate and may use old data.
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INTRODUCTION

California_Politics is a political discussion sub for the news and discussion about politics in the Golden State, with more politics than /California, and more California than /Politics. The Community Standards are still as always.

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Normally this subreddit is setup to address the political and social issues that divide our state and dominate our social media feeds. The purpose of this very different thread is to trial a space for community members to talk about more than just our state politics.
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Thank you again everyone.

1. Divide and Conquer - 4/5 (Slapper intro. Pretty good for a pilot episode, but it felt like they rushed into character drama a little too quickly. Like, I only JUST now met Robin and Cyborg for the first time, so this big breakup doesn't really hit as hard as I imagine it could had it been a later episode. The animation of this show is very fun and different from typical action cartoons, though. Stuff like the characters turning into chibis and going horrendeously off-model for gags is great stuff.)
2. Sisters - 3/5 (Immediately more character conflict and drama. I'd say this one works a little better, but again, I only really now just met Starfire, so there's not a hugely established friendship between her and the Titans enough yet. On the other hand, perhaps that's for this episode's benefit, as it's about her feeling replacable, which would not be very realistic after having been established as BFFs for several seasons. And I did think her and Robin's chat was really sweet, so whatever. Also, Blackfire is just a color swap of Starfire. Sunny Tennyson much?)
3. Final Exam - 4/5 (So this episode was the first to air, but is not the "real" pilot. Strangely enough, it would almost have worked better as a pilot, since it introduces the characters in their HQ immediately followed by showing how they work as a team. The H.I.V.E. aren't the most interesting villains but Gizmo was pretty amusing. What was with the lighting in the scene where they get out of the water though? Looked strange.)
4. Forces of Nature - 4/5 (Thunder's Sonic eyes is freaking me out. Please separate them... Anyway, decent episode, even if it's mostly just Thunder and Lightning wreaking havoc and getting moral lessons from Beast Boy.)
5. The Sum of His Parts - 5/5 (Fixit. Wow, clever name. Sarcasm aside, pretty great episode. It's interesting to see Cyborg's abilities explored, and the eerieniess of Fixit about to forcibly make him a full robot was highly engaging. Although while that IS the main story, the majority of this episode is spent with the other Titans fighting Mumbo Jumbo for some reason. Not that it's back, since I liked the zany wackiness of it. But it definitely didn't need take up that much time. Also, he briefly became a Canadian from South Park.)
6. Nevermore - 4/5 (Thunder and Lightning, Mumbo Jumbo, and now Doctor Light? So far this show has had really lame villains. Not that it's a huge detriment, because unlike other superhero cartoons, the focus in most episodes seem to be more on the inner workings of the Titans themselves as opposed to whatever villain they're facing, so I guess they just pick goofy ones to jumpstart the actual plots. Which in this episode was pretty amusing. Raven's a lot more mellow than her appearance would let on. I thought she would nearly murder Cyborg and Beast Boy for breaking into her room, but she was just slightly upset. Oh and, uh, what was up with intro being in Japanese?)
7. Switched - 4/5 (Just as I mentioned the villains being "lame" in the last episode, I thought Puppet King was pretty interesting. He's not like, compelling as a character or anything, but I found the puppet schtick fairly amusing to watch. As for the actual story, while "body swap" is not the most original idea for these kinds of shows, I still found it endearing how Raven and Starfire learned about one another. But the fact that they still keep their voices makes me go grrr.)
8. Deep Six - 3/5 (There's that Japanese intro again! Apparently it's used for episodes that are more comedic, while the English is for the "serious" ones. Guess I'll see if that assessment holds up under scrutiny. So this is mostly an underwater episode, which, while not a bad setting by default, feels pretty uninspired when it's nothing but blue backgrounds and rocks. Raven horning for Aqualad sure was a sight to behold, though. Felt a bit out of character.)
9. Masks - 4/5 (Wow, Red X was Robin? No way. It's not like they had the exact same voice or anything. Anyway, as good as this episode might be, it's really just some setup for Slade's schemes, which is really only vaguely hinted at whatever it is. As a result, I don't really have much to say. Starfire's lecture about Robin not trusting them was a bit "wha" though, because, yeah, if they knew Red X was Robin, they would've held back, and it would not be convincing.)
10. Mad Mod - 3/5 (Sheesh, this episode hurts my eyes. It's a funny one, though. And it has the Japanese intro, so I guess that fact about it was true. It's nothing but the Titans chasing some Brit for the entire episode. 20 minutes of pure zaniness. And Mad Mod was a pretty amusing gag villain. I also really liked the song "K2G" that played during that Scooby-Doo parody montage.)
11. Car Trouble - 3/5 (Gizmo drove away with Cyborg's car JUST as he arrived to confront the guys who initially stole it. He would have been right in the vicinity of it, how did he not notice it driving away? LOL. Also why do the two crooks calmly tiptoe around and vaguely say they "lost it" instead of just "some guy drove away with it right behind you like 10 seconds ago!".)
12/13. Apprentice - 5/5 (Slade merely wanting an apprentice is a bit of a confusing motivation. Like, for what purpose? Once he's fully molded Robin, what does he intend to do next? Take over the world? Not that it matters, since the conflict of Robin having to betray his friends to save their lives was thrilling enough. Although part 2 is obviously the better half, because the first is mostly just setup for that. Robin also makes a sick Batman reference, but can't directly mention him because of the Bat-embargo. LOL. Side note, the effect of the probes being the characters becoming...orange with a buncha circles wiggling around them was odd.)
14. How Long is Forever? - 5/5 (Robin just brooding in front of the speakers was funny. LOL. Anyway, the way time travel is handled here is confusing. I suppose it always is, but here it seems to function so that during the period Starfire was travelling 20 years, she simply did not exist during them. But she came back to the past in the end, meaning historically, she always returned. So instead of time travel looping around itself, I guess in this series when you travel, you're just gone. And if you return, the timeline you go back to will be a completely different one. That aside, it was neat to see the future Titans, although sheesh my guy Beast Boy aged horribly. And I find it hard to believe the entire city would become a dystopia like this, considering the Titans aren't the only heroes around.)
15. Every Dog Has His Day - 5/5 (Pretty solid for a zany comedy episode. Beast Boy becoming a dog to get bitches (pun intended) was funny. And the whole schtick of the Titans mistaking an actual green dog for him lent itself to a lot of good comedy. The reveal that that the dog is actually intelligent and can speak sort of "ruins" what made that aspect funny in the first place, but it doesn't affect the episode's quality or anything, so that's just a nitpick. Soto was pretty freaky though. Reminded me of Tiny from Ben 10.)
16. Terra - 4/5 (Yikes, Terra is scrawny. She's like a walking stick. I guess she has earth powers, although it's not really explored how or why. Though, at this point in the show, I've obviously learned that stuff is not something it prioritizes. Anyway, this episode is very good, but it's mostly just introduction to Terra and then a teaser that she is Slade's new apprentice victim. I'm interested for where that goes, but I don't have much else to say about this one specifically.)
17. Only Human - 4/5 (Not to go all Facts & Logic:tm:, but humans also have a limit to which they can use their muscles, so on a technical sense, Cyborg's conflict in this episode doesn't make much sense. Especially since he exceeds 100% by the end anyway, showing it was always possible. Not to diminish the story or anything, because I did find his conflict around it genuinely engaging. And the moment when he rises up to the challenge to actually beat Atlas is obviously very cathartic and rewarding. But also LOL that Atlas picked a beef with Cyborg over losing in a video game.)
18. Fear Itself - 4/5 (Here I spent the entire episode expecting the "obvious" reveal that everything scary that happened was a prank by the Titans to prove to Raven that she can be scared. Guess I was a little overconfident in that since it turns out she was just accidentally doing it herself.)
19. Date with Destiny - 4/5 (Hey, it's Spider-Man. I mean, Fang. That was a pretty freaky character design. Just a guy with a huge spider as his entire head. This episode felt like it ramped up the wacky animation to 11, particularly with nearly every motion Kitten makes. And that bit with Starfire's mouth falling into the punch stuck out, too. That aside, pretty cute episode. Starfire's jealousy is amusing.)
20. Transformation - 3/5 (Does the Titan Tower only have bathroom? That's ridiculous. It's huge! Anyway, not to complain about power inconsistency or whatever, but Starfire being able to instantly fly several hundred thousand kilometers away from Earth pretty much instantly, not to mention be able to breathe in space is a bit excessive. She's not Green Lantern... That aside, this was alright. It's neat to find out more about Tamaranians, but Starfire has already learned the "my friends will like me no matter what" lesson before.)
21. Titan Rising - 4/5 (Why is Raven so pissy at Terra? Like, I know she's moody and has a low temper, but raging at someone just trying their best? A bit out of character. That said, I still enjoyed the rivarly. I like Terra on the team. It's fun that they're expanding the roster.)
22. Winner Take All - 3/5 (Why does the Master of Games need people to lose a battle before he can absorb them and their powers? Why doesn't he just do it to all of them on the spot? I found it funny that Beast Boy lost the first round. When the episode began I was expecting some epic final battle between the three main characters. But nope, he just loses and is gone for the rest of the episode.)
23. Betrayal - 4/5 (That was a bit of a rushed betrayal. Terra is introduced in one episode, instantly leaves within the same one, makes a big comeback 4 episodes later, and betrays them in the very next while it's treated like some devastating loss to the team. Well, there is the game episode in between. But also she isn't even in that save for a silent cameo in one shot in the end, so that barely counts! That said I still liked the emotional beats of the story from Beast Boy's perspective and such, so I'm not hating on how this was done. I just think this could've meant more if she actually was a member of the Titans for the episodes leading up to this betrayal. On a lighter note, I liked Beast Boy's theatrical scenarios of how he should have asked her out.)
24. Fractured - 3/5 (So in-between the previous, serious, dramatic episode, and the upcoming 2-part finale which will obviously be about Terra, they felt they needed an episode about some annoying imp doing zany nonsense. Not that the show is a stranger to that stuff, but this wasn't nearly as charming as Mad Mod.)
25/26. Aftershock - 4/5 (Pretty standard "epic finale" fare, but obviously it's good because I liked this Terra arc, as rushed as it may have been. Her turning on Slade and even being the one who ends up killing him was pretty thrilling stuff. I didn't think they'd actually go that far, considering he's like the main villain of the series. But while that final battle between Beast Boy and Terra was pretty great due to the resonance and such it contains, I feel like the episode took up a lot of time having the Titans fight various miscellaneous characters leading up to it, that just wasn't as interesting. Side note, Raven and Terra just being colored completely brown to simulate being muddy stuck out to me. I don't know why. Mainly because most shows would draw wiggly lines to simulate the muddiness, not just one blank color.)
27. Deception - 4/5 (I know this show is episodic so stuff like this is bound to happen, but it is a bit eyerolling that characters seem to just learn the same lessons over and over. Like in this episode, Cyborg is beating himself up over being a cyborg, but by the end he accepts himself the way he is. A lesson he has learned in 2 episodes prior to this already. Not that I didn't think it was well done. His chat with Starfire was sweet, and the whole thing about him being undercover was entertaining too, so it's not much of an issue.)
28. X - 4/5 (So some guy steals Robin's Red X costume and takes up the mantle... But he also conveniently sounds exactly like Robin? Sure, because THAT makes sense. For the most part this episode is just baiting you into wanting to know who Red X is, but then NEVER answers it. Pretty rude. Nevertheless, it was still interesting. Also Professor Chang's design reminds me of Inspector 13 from Ben 10.)
29. Betrothed - 3/5 (Titans just casually flying to another planet like it's a mere road trip. OK. Is The Batman funding this or what? Also, that scene of Robin outside the spaceship made me LOL. Anyway it's interesting to see Tamaran thoroughly explored upon and such, but it's a bit absurd that every single person on the planet wears basically the exact same outfit.)
30. Crash - 4/5 (Cyborg's cybernetic features are confusing. Firstly, how could a digital virus affect his brain, which is clearly a biological component? Second, how and why are there red blood cells flowing in the "veins" of his mechanical parts? Nitpicking logic in a goofy joke episode aside, this was great stuff. I liked that they had to reluctantly get Gizmo to help, and Cyborg going nuts was just entertaining in its own right. I think the interior of his cybernetic parts were interestingly designed, and Beast Boy as an amoeba is just absurd but fun. Although it's inconsistent that he's able to talk while in that form, since he can't when he's any other animal.)
31. Haunted - 5/5 (This was pretty grim, but very thrilling. Given Slade was established as like the main villain of the show, even though it seemed obvious he was imaginary, I kept asking myself if he was actually real or not to come capacity, since I doubt the series would get rid of its main villain that easily. And well, they DID imply somebody else activated the hallucination chemical from the mask, so, like, yeah, he's clearly coming back. That said, if it was all in Robin's head, how did he get all those bruises and rips in his clothes? By punching the air? And why did Beast Boy have a cold in this episode? I guess they needed some comedic relief so it wouldn't be too grim for Cartoon Network.)
32. Spellbound - 4/5 ("Kardiak, you're under arrest". I get it. Because he is a heart. Pretty amusing. Anyway, yikes, Beast Boy sure was mean for NO reason. But the way they made up in the end with Raven even joining him and Cyborg's game of "stankball" was cute. As for Malchior, well, I thought he was a girl until he spoke.)
33. Revolution - 3/5 (Pretty much a rehash of the first Mad Mod episode. He has the Titans trapped in a maze of illusions and they chase him around and defeat him. Which I get is the whole gimmick since he's just a joke villain, so yeah. This was good, but not AS good. The pop-art backgrounds were pretty cool, and I liked how the British flag was the sky in the background the entire time. Plus, British Beast Boy was funny. The "message" about patriotism, democracy or whatever, felt a but muddled.)
34. Wavelength - 3/5 (I guess Brother Blood is growing to be Cyborg's arch nemesis or something. This was pretty average, so I barely got anything to say. Aqualad asks for help, so they take down Blood's underwater weapon and...Yeah. But I liked Bumblebee, and her fight scene with Cyborg had a lot of funny visuals. The bit where he shuts the door on her was amusing too.)
35. The Beast Within - 5/5 (This was great. You'd think it would be fairly predictable to tell a werewolf story with Beast Boy, but the execution really makes it work. Yeah, it's obvious he's acting strange because of the chemicals from the beginning. But his gradual shift from acting macho, to asshole, to picking a physical fight with Raven for NO reason was interesting because of how bizarrely out of character it is. Especially when his "beast" form took the Raven beef to the next level. But on top of that I especially enjoyed the twist that the Adonis guy from the beginning was a second werewolf, and the actual culprit. Robin seemed awfully quick to immediately lock Beast Boy away or straight up murder him though. For a guy who himself was blackmailed into being evil, you'd think he would be more considerate to other possibilities.)
36. Can I Keep Him? - 3/5 (This was alright. Pretty simple concept for a comedy episode is all. Beast Boy fosters a giant maggot and then it becomes bigger and dangerous. Kind of amusing how Starfire got more attached to it in like a day than Beast Boy did while hiding it for months. As a sode note, I liked the design of Rancids robot dog and dinosaur.)
37. Bunny Raven... or ...How to Make A Titananimal Disappear - 3/5 (Pretty good for a zany episode. The Titans as animals were amusing designs, and Beast Boy becoming a lamp instead was funny. Mumbo's song was catchy.)
38/39. Titans East - 4/5 (I like the concept of Titans East, although the only member I find particularly interesting is Bumblebee. I'm always fond of shrinking abilities for the potential practical uses that often go unacknowledged. She never really does anything with it besides shoot some lasers in the bad guys face, though. Speedy and Aqualad are kind of generic, and Más y Menos are just gag characters, so yeah. Cyborg's conflict here was pretty interesting, but the way he gets decapitated piece by piece was pretty brutal. But him sticking it to Brother Blood was pretty awesome, and I liked the sweet ending where he decides to stick with the Titans.)
40. Episode 257-494 - 3/5 (Steve Irwin gets mauled by a bear. Anyway, this episode is decent, but it's just an endless stream of references to other things, many of which I am not familiar with, so even as a comedy episode, a lot of the jokes don't work very well. That woman from the lame soap opera was still with Cyborg in the real world by the end because THAT makes sense. But it was funny.)
41. The Quest - 4/5 (Yeah, it was pretty obvious the old lady was the great master. Robin going through challenges was pretty entertaining though, but that snake one... He won by merely grabbing the snake? Sure, okay. The rest of the team dressing up as and pretending to be Robin was probably the best part, especially even Raven joining in.)
42. Birthmark - 4/5 (Welcome back, Slade. This was a very thrilling episode. Really just has you asking tons of questions. Like how is Slade back, why is he targeting Raven now, etc. But also, it was interesting how this potrays Robin and Raven as having a very close friendship. I mean I guess all the Titans are good friends, but these two haven't been explored as a duo at all, so it was interesting, if not a bit awkward.)
43. Cyborg the Barbarian - 4/5 (Silly concept, but I like it. Though given how time travel has been established in this show, Cyborg can't really do anything to affect the future, because everything he will do has already happened in the past. I like the design of the demon... Thingies)
44. Employee of the Month - 4/5 (I found it interesting how this acknowledges Beast Boy a physical task, as opposed to Raven or Starfire's breezy levitating. Beast Boy working at a meat shop itself was pretty funny, and the Tofu villain in the end sells the whole thing for me. LOL.)
45. Troq - 3/5 (The racism episode. The fact that we know what word "troq" is supposed to represent makes it very weird how often we see it used. I mean imagine an episode where they used the actual word this much... Yeah. I think this is pretty well done and what not in terms of being sweet and emotional, especially Cyborg's talk with Starfire and Robin instantly changing his mind on Val-Yor once he finds out. But the action plot they wrapped all this around didn't really have me hooked, and it's a pretty big chunk of the episode.)
46. The Prophecy - 3/5 (This is neat and all, but for the most part it really feels like nothing but setup for a grander plot than something to stand on its own. So while I'm sure the context of this will make the season finale more rewarding, this is just okay. I did get a kick out of Raven pulling up Slade as he was trying to leave just to jerk him around a little.)
47. Stranded - 4/5 (This is a fun episode, but it has one of the worst common TV tropes of all time; Character refusing to explain an easily explainable situation this creating conflict because of misunderstanding. I mean, yeah, Starfire DID describe what a "girlfriend" was, but then she just described what could also be platonic. Robin could have easily explained to her that there's a difference between platonic and romantic.)
48. Overdrive - 3/5 (I like the Billy Numerous theme music, but that's about it really.)
49. Mother Mae-Eye - 3/5 (Well, funny at times, I'll give it that. But ehhhh. Yeah, I don't know, there isn't much to be said here. Liked the scene where Robin spiked up his hair.)
50/51/52. The End - 5/5 (Yeah, pretty epic. The Titans using Raven's power was also cool. I was hoping to finally see Slade's face when his mask was knocked off, but I suppose a creepy half decomposed skeleton is also interesting... Don't really understand Trigon's motivation for, well, all of this though. He wants to take over the Earth and get rid of all life on it, just so he can sit in a giant chair and relax? I mean, the real story here is supposed to be about Raven, so I know it doesn't matter, but that's pretty thin for what's supposed to be the most threatening villain of the show to date.)
53/54. Homecoming - 3/5 (I love specific character focused episode where we see something more personal to them, but Beast Boy's background isn't that interesting and most of the team besides Elastigirl weren't very interesting. But I do find Negative Man's powers cool. Brain is a pretty cool villain too, I love his voice, really intimidating vibes. How are any of the Doom Patrol alive after what happened though? Never explained)
55. Trust - 4/5 (An entire Hot Spot episode? Interesting, since I always find it fun when shows divert from the main cast. Overall fun, but that ending was pretty frustrating though. Hot Spot was so obviously Madame Rouge!)
56. For Real - 3/5 (I do like the Titans East, but this was disappointing. I was hoping for more of a genuine episode in their own town, seeing their feats as a team and friends, as opposed to goofing off with Control Freak. Also one of the villains Brain had lined up two episodes ago is in jail here?? Were Más y Menos permanently translated to English for the audience to understand them? I mean I guess I prefer it, since having them two speaking what sounds like gibberish to the rest of the team makes it hard for them to appear as genuine friends, especially since they're mostly attached to each other as opposed to the whole team.)
57. Snowblind - 4/5 (Already loved Red Star and then he's immediately killed before my eyes!! Whyyyy! I was hoping he would gain control of his powers and aid the Titans. How has he still been getting tanks to fill up with radioactive liquid for so many decades though? And that's a pretty small room for two tanks a day over the span of decades.)
58. Kole - 3/5 (This entire season so far the Titans have just been around the world, given last time they were in what appears to be Russia, and now it's somewhere in Scandinavia. It's been an interesting change of pace, sure, but this episode wasn't terribly interesting. They meet some caveman with a little girl, Dr. Light is up to no good, etc.)
59. Hide and Seek - 3/5 (Bobby turning out to be real was a pretty fun "twist". Got dragged out for a while though.)
60. Lightspeed - 4/5 (Another non-Titan focused episode. Kid Flash is randomly horning on Jinx because why not, I guess? This Jinx redemption came out of absolutely nowhere, given how little we've seen of her prior. But Kid Flash is fun, so whatever.)
61. Revved Up - 3/5 (This episode is neat, but given how they are racing for the entirety of it, the constant action was pretty exhausting to sit through. Why did Raven sneezing and Starfire saying the Tamaranean equivalent of "bless you" inform all the villains they are Titans though? Also, infuriating we never got to see what's in the briefcase.)
62. Go! - 5/5 (Love seeing the origins of the team, though it's pretty oddly convenient that these 5 superpowered people (well 4 with powers) just so happened to stumble upon each other, same day, same time, same situation. I imagine shortly after this they occasionally stumbled upon each other trying to fight the same bad guy every so often and decided to start a team. Which would have been more realistic for their first interactions, not all 5 meeting at once. Pretty on the nose Batman reference but they still absolutely refuse to mention Batman.)
63/64. Calling All Titans!/Titans Together - 5/5 (Why is Beast Boy climbing up the mountain as a goat instead of just... Flying? This was quite the epic episode, I enjoyted the intensity of seeing nearly every hero be ambushed separately by different villains. It's a bit strange for the final part to mostly be from Beast Boy's perspective, and with the strange heroes he ends up meeting. I was expecting to see how the rest of the Titans made it to the Brotherhood of Evil base, but it's probably better this way, since it leaves it up to imagination, and it doesn't really matter. Seeing the brain finally defeated when all heroes went into battle was satisfying. Jericho's powers were pretty cool.)
65. Things Change - 4/5 (The amount of quiet and awkward scenes with that sad music was... Well, very strange. The whole Terra thing is a bit weird like, sure, if someone you don't know jumps up to you, acts as if they know you and tells you you've gotten amnesia, you'd think they were insane. But Beast Boy surely has photo proof? Or if not, he could get testimony from the rest of his team?? No??? It doesn't have to jog her memory back, but at the very least she'd realize the truth and know who she was instead of just being so vague and saying cryptic things. Some things she said implied perhaps she did know, because any real person would just yell out the weirdo stalking them, not give emotional speeches about the girl you once knew being gone etc. But all that aside, why did Slade send a robot out just to tell Beast Boy that he had nothing to do with what's happened to Terra? Also, that creatures ability to turn himself into any matter he touches is really cool.)
Movie: Trouble in Tokyo - 3/5 (This has pretty much one of the things I dislike most about movies based on TV shows; Instead of actually focusing on the iconic aspects of the series in question, it goes out of it's way to be as far removed from it as possible by setting it in a whole other country. Bummer, because an ideal Titans movie would really focus on the whole team, and THEIR city. Instead, they're just in Tokyo stopping a corrupt commander (who I knew was gonna be the bad guy from the get-go) who's creating crimes to be a hero. And the thing is with these kind of movies is, perhaps if they actually did focus on the characters relationships, it would be good. But instead they are mostly separated the entire time, just goofing off. And cue the obligatory relationship between Robin and Starfire. I mean, it was obviously going to happen, so it's not as if I mind it, but the drama feels pretty forced. They're heroes, yes, but they lounge around and take time off all the time when criminals aren't around. There really isn't much more to say about this. High-tier average. Although, admittedly, I was finding myself ready to close my eyes and fall asleep nearing the hour mark.)
-The Lost Episode - 3/5 (It's half the length of a normal episode, so it's hard to judge it, given it's not even serious at all. A fun little watch, for sure. Beast Boy walking around with a boombox on his shoulders was funny because of how dated it is.)
-New Teen Titans Shorts (Can't really rate them since they're just shorts, but here's a few throwaway thoughts: I like the artstyle. The lowercase T tower is a funny visual gag. Was Blackfire just killed? So, they finally actually showed Batman on screen (technically)? The hell was up with Cyborg's voice in one of these?)

I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.

The demand for online education has skyrocketed in a society going more and more digital. This is an incredible opportunity for educators and content developers.
In the world of online education, websites like Udemy, LearnWorlds, and Kajabi are well-known.
Every platform has a distinct combination of features that it offers, from powerful tools for creating courses and analytics to marketing and community building capacities.
Whether you’re an academic institution, a creative worker, or an enterprise, the range of platforms caters to varied needs. It is crucial that instructors are knowledgeable about the advantages and disadvantages of each platform.

Best Place To Sell an Online Course

• Learnworlds – Best Place To Sell an Online Course, the default choice
• Udemy – Suitable for large companies
• Kajabi – Suitable for designers

This post seeks to give you a thorough overview of the most well-liked online course selling platforms, illuminating their features, costs, and course kinds that you may offer so that you can choose the best option for your needs and experience.

Learnworlds

LearnWorlds is a feature-rich online course platform that enables instructors to design, market, and sell their courses. The platform has many features out of the box, like customisable certificates, an integrated social network, and interactive video.
In addition, it has several third-party tool integrations, the capacity to generate assignments and quizzes, and the ability to engage students with interactive ebooks.
LearnWorlds provides distinctive features, such as integrated social networking and interactive video, for course developers who prioritize interactive and captivating content. Student happiness and engagement can be greatly increased in this way, which is important for course success.
Course producers may offer a more comprehensive and organized learning experience with its configurable assignments, quizzes, and certificates.
Flexibility in organizing and promoting courses is also made possible by the platform’s broad third-party interfaces.
Important features include tasks, integrations, certificates, interactive films, and quizzes.
Get today Learnworlds

Advantages include

• incredibly engaging course material
• an integrated social network for fostering community.

Cons

• Basic plans have a higher learning curve for new users.
• Monthly and transaction fees.

Selling points include business, technology, health, lifestyle, and education.

Cost

• $299 for the Learning Center,
• $299 for the Pro Trainer, and $29 for the Starter.
• A 30-day free trial is what a free demo trial offers.

In summary, LearnWorlds is a great platform for developers seeking community development and involvement.
Knowing something is not only powerful in the digital era, but it may also lead to profitable commercial ventures. People all across the world are ready to learn, and your knowledge could serve as a lighthouse for countless others. Never allow hesitancy to stop you.
Take the step to create a course and you and the many interested minds waiting for your insights will discover a world of possibilities.
It’s time to spread knowledge, educate, and thrive!
Simply said, you’re in good hands with LearnWorlds.
Get today Learnworlds

Udemy

Advantages of Udemy

• planned, prescriptive process for creating courses
• innate audience on Udemy
• Not much design or editing is required.

Drawbacks of Udemy

• steep revenue-sharing schedule
• Video is necessary.
• To provide paid courses, one must apply and be accepted.

Cost on Udemy

Udemy charges a revenue share of 63% on all other course sales and 3% on courses made through instructor coupons. It is free to publish free courses that include less than two hours of video. (Note: Mobile platform fees for sales of mobile courses, as well as processing costs from PayPal or Payoneer, are not included in revenue sharing.)
Why are you offering your first course on Udemy? due to the platform’s abundance of resources for developing and promoting courses.
For instance, if you’re not sure whether your video courses are up to par, you may send in a sample for evaluation.
You’ll receive comments on the audio and video, as well as equipment recommendations.
Additionally, Udemy offers a helpful Teaching Center with instructions on topics like organizing a course, shooting your first video, and other related subjects.
Udemy’s customized marketing courses can help if you’re having trouble closing your first few transactions.
Take advantage of site-wide discounts, have your course highlighted in their email blasts, or sign up for Udemy’s affiliate marketing program.
Udemy gets a cut of course sales; all of these programs are optional. The promotional channel you select will determine how much they take.
Because of the scale of the marketplace you’re competing with, it’s critical that you choose the ideal course topic and evaluate how it compares to other courses on the site using Udemy’s marketplace insights.
This function, which is akin to Google Analytics, provides information on a topic’s popularity on Udemy, search volume, and related keywords.
Additionally, you may view the quantity of courses that are currently available for a given subject, the category’s highest-earning courses, the monthly revenue earned, and the most effective channels for promotion (Udemy search, Udemy discovery, external sources, and paid ads).

Kajabi

Expert designers would benefit most from using Kajabi, one of the most upscale online course platforms.
Kajabi might not be for you if you are a novice or a small business owner.
On the other hand, this is the ideal location if you are an experienced designer looking to start an online academy. This platform even has Amy Porterfield’s endorsement!

Kajabi’s features

• Infinite landing sites
• Advertising emails without limit
• 1000 active members and 10,000 contacts
• One website Usable templates
• Automations
• Assessments (tests and questionnaires)

cost

• Basic, which costs $119
• Growth, which costs $159
• Procosts $319 per month (annual memberships are also an option)

The ability to build webinar pipelines is an intriguing feature shared by all of the options.
It also has fantastic marketing options, like expertly branded messaging, because it caters to huge edupreneurs.
The cost is somewhat more than that of the other platforms on this list, but for some users, the attentive, knowledgeable support staff can make up for it.
They could have made the digital offering more varied for the price they ask by including some possibilities, such as vFair’s event gamification tool, but they don’t.
The website may seem overly technical because it was designed with specialists in mind, which may discourage novice course developers from using it.
Overall, it is a costly and comprehensive LMS supplier, according to its reputation.

Trigger warning. Also I'm sorry, this is a really long post but I'll bullet point most stuff down.
I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.

Firstly, I am sorry for my ignorance on these topics but I really need some help and direction.
I’m currently working on a web app for meal planning as a school project. It features a React frontend and a .NET backend, all deployed on cloud services (probably Google Cloud, but I’m open to suggestions). I also plan to use Function as a Service (FaaS) and integrate Google Calendar and Google Keep for updating meal plans and shopping lists.
I have some questions about the backend setup and implementation, and I would appreciate any guidance you can provide. Here’s what I’m struggling with:

1. User Authentication: I want users to log in using their Google account as the only authentication needed to access the site. My plan is to use the token provided by Google to persist user data in my own database. Is this possible? I understand that Google sends a token to the backend, but I’m unsure how to use this token to register users in my database as IdentityUsers. How can I make the login process seamless and ensure users are simultaneously registered? Is this enough security ultimately or should I be doing more (JWT tokens, user account passwords, etc.)?
   
2. Function as a Service (FaaS): I have a theoretical understanding of FaaS but no practical experience. My current understanding is that you write a stateless function with a single responsibility, deploy it to a cloud service, and the service creates an API gateway to access that function. How do I start coding this? I’ve only worked with traditional codebases and full deployments to the cloud. Are there any resources or tutorials that can help me understand how to create and deploy FaaS functions?
   
3. API Integration and Data Aggregation: I’m planning to use several public APIs related to meals and ingredients. I need to create a search mechanism that allows users to add ingredients (searched through these public APIs) to a list, display nutritional information, and filter meals based on selected ingredients. How can I call multiple APIs and aggregate the data effectively? Any strategies or best practices for this?
   

Any advice, resources, or suggestions you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

***ads play and podcast starts at 1:47
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Scheana and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Scheana’s singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 38:08
Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
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FAQ

There are a number of questions in this subreddit that have been asked and answered many times. Please use the search function to get answers related to the below topics.

• Moving to Minnesota (see next section)
• General questions about places to visit/things to do
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Moving to Minnesota

Planning a potential move to Minnesota (or even moving within MN)? This is the thread for you to ask questions of real-life Minnesotans to help you in the process!
Ask questions, answer questions, or tell us your best advice on moving to Minnesota.
Helpful Links

• We've already compiled some of our best general Minnesota advice in this thread which includes a lot of helpful cold-weather tips
• Check out the new subreddit dedicated to Moving to Minneapolis, /movingtompls, maintained by WalkswithLlamas
• Moving to Minneapolis: A Guide, courtesy of /Minneapolis, is focused on that city but much of it is applicable to the Twin Cities metro area
• List of location-based Minnesota subreddits which may be best equipped to answer questions about specific cities or neighborhoods
• Information about moving to Minnesota specific to LGBTQ+ community from a recent post
• Some small rural communities in Minnesota offer free land if you build. See here for more information.
• There is a wealth of knowledge in the comments on previous versions of this post. If you wish to do more research, see the link at the bottom of this post for an archive

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Simple Questions

If you have a question you don't feel is worthy of its own post, please post it here!

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See here for an archive of previous "Moving to Minnesota, FAQ and Simple Questions" threads.

1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.

Unlocking the Secrets of Love Marriage: Expert Guidance from the Best Astrologer in the UK

Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK Love is in the air, and for many, it’s the most magical and transformative experience of life. But what happens when the spark of romance fades, and the reality of everyday life sets in? The journey to a successful and fulfilling marriage is not always easy, and the road to happiness can be fraught with challenges.
As the saying goes, “opposites attract,” but what happens when the differences in personalities, values, and lifestyles become a source of tension rather than excitement? Astrology has long been revered as a tool for understanding the intricacies of human relationships, and with the guidance of the best astrologer in the UK, we can unlock the secrets of love and marriage. In this post, we’ll delve into the mysteries of the universe and explore the expert insights that can help you navigate the twists and turns of your relationship, and find the path to a lifelong bond of love and commitment.

Understanding the role of astrology in love and marriage

As the ancient art of astrology continues to fascinate and captivate us, it’s no surprise that many of us turn to the stars for guidance on matters of the heart. In the realm of love and marriage, astrology can be a powerful tool for understanding the intricate dynamics of relationships and uncovering the secrets to a harmonious and fulfilling union. From the moment we meet our soulmate to the moment we exchange our vows, astrology can provide us with valuable insights into the energies that shape our love lives.
As the best astrologer in the UK, I have spent years honing my expertise in the complexities of astrology and its applications in the realm of love and marriage. Through my work, I have witnessed firsthand the profound impact that astrology can have on our relationships, from the subtle nuances of planetary alignments to the profound shifts that can occur when we align our energies with the cosmos. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
In this blog post, we will delve into the role of astrology in love and marriage, exploring the ways in which the stars can guide us towards a more fulfilling and loving relationship. From the astrological signs that are most compatible with one another to the powerful energies that can shape our emotional responses, we will uncover the secrets of astrology and its role in unlocking the mysteries of love and marriage. Whether you’re seeking guidance on finding your soulmate or navigating the complexities of your current relationship, this post will provide you with the expert insights you need to unlock the secrets of love and marriage.

Expert guidance on the dos and don’ts of a successful marriage

As the best astrologer in the UK, I’ve had the privilege of working with countless couples who are seeking to strengthen their bond and navigate the challenges that come with building a lifelong partnership. And, trust me, the journey to a successful marriage is not without its obstacles. In fact, it’s often the little things that can make or break a relationship. This is why I’ve dedicated this section to sharing my expert guidance on the dos and don’ts of a successful marriage.
From the importance of effective communication and conflict resolution, to the subtle yet powerful ways that astrological influences can shape our relationships, I’ll be sharing my insider knowledge to help you build a stronger, more loving bond with your partner. Whether you’re still in the early stages of your romance or you’ve been married for many years, these tips and insights will provide you with the tools you need to navigate the ups and downs of married life with confidence and wisdom. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
One of the most critical aspects of a successful marriage is learning to communicate effectively with your partner. This doesn’t just mean talking about the big things, but also being mindful of the little things that can make a big difference. As an astrologer, I’ve seen how the positions of the planets can influence our communication styles, and how understanding these influences can help us to better navigate our relationships. In this section, I’ll be sharing my expert guidance on how to use astrological insights to improve your communication and build a stronger, more loving bond with your partner.

Top 5 astrology signs that make perfect partners

As one of the most renowned astrologers in the UK, I’ve had the privilege of delving into the intricacies of the zodiac and uncovering the secrets of love and relationships. When it comes to determining the perfect partner, astrology can be a powerful tool in predicting compatibility and harmonious matches. In this section, we’ll be exploring the top 5 astrology signs that make perfect partners, and what qualities they bring to the table.
First up, we have the patient and gentle Taurus, who is known for their unwavering commitment and loyalty. Their practical nature and love of stability make them a perfect match for those who value security and long-term relationships. Next, we have the charismatic and adventurous Leo, who brings a spark of excitement and passion to their partnerships. Their natural leadership qualities and confident demeanor make them a magnet for those who crave attention and admiration. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
The empathetic and sensitive Cancer, with their nurturing nature and strong emotional intelligence, are often drawn to partners who share their compassionate and caring qualities. Their strong family ties and desire for a sense of belonging make them an ideal match for those who value close relationships and a sense of community. The intelligent and analytical Virgo, with their attention to detail and love of problem-solving, are often attracted to partners who share their analytical mind and love of learning.
Last but not least, we have the free-spirited and creative Pisces, who bring a touch of magic and imagination to their relationships. Their compassion and understanding nature make them a perfect match for those who value empathy and emotional support. Whether it’s their romantic nature, their adventurous spirit, or their ability to connect on a deep emotional level, these five signs have the potential to make for unforgettable and fulfilling partners.
In this section, we’ll delve deeper into the characteristics of each sign and explore the unique qualities that make them perfect partners. Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or simply looking for a deeper understanding of the zodiac, you’ll find valuable insights and expert guidance in this section. So, let’s dive in and discover the secrets of love and marriage, from the best astrologer in the UK.

The importance of compatibility in a marriage

As the best astrologer in the UK, I’ve had the privilege of helping countless couples navigate the complexities of love and marriage. One of the most crucial factors that can make or break a relationship is compatibility. When two individuals are compatible, they share a deep understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and values, which creates a strong foundation for a lifelong bond. On the other hand, when couples are not compatible, they may struggle to communicate effectively, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
In astrology, compatibility is measured by the planetary positions of the couple, particularly the Sun, Moon, and Venus. When these planets are in harmony, it’s a sign that the couple is destined for a happy and fulfilling marriage. For instance, when the Sun is in a harmonious aspect with the partner’s Venus, it indicates a strong sense of love and affection, which is essential for building a strong and lasting relationship. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
Moreover, an astrologer can also analyze the couple’s birth charts to identify potential areas of conflict and suggest ways to overcome them. By understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses, couples can work together to build a stronger and more resilient relationship. As the best astrologer in the UK, I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of compatibility in marriage. By embracing the unique energies and vibrations that each partner brings to the table, couples can create a love marriage that is not only fulfilling but also long-lasting.

How to identify your soulmate using astrological signs

As the ancient art of astrology reveals the mysteries of the universe, the quest to find one’s soulmate has become a profound and intriguing topic. The stars have a way of whispering secrets about our destiny, and in this realm, the identification of our soulmate is a crucial piece of the puzzle. But, how do we decipher the celestial language to uncover the identity of our eternal companion?
In this section, we will delve into the world of astrological signs, where the zodiac wheel holds the key to unlocking the secrets of love and marriage. As we explore the intricacies of each sign, we will discover how the positions of the planets and the position of the sun at the time of our birth have a profound impact on our compatibility with others. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
From the fiery passion of the Leo to the intuitive nature of the Scorpio, each sign brings its unique set of characteristics and traits to the table. By understanding the astrological signs of our potential soulmates, we can gain valuable insights into their strengths, weaknesses, and ultimate compatibility with us.
As the best astrologer in the UK, I will guide you through the process of identifying your soulmate using astrological signs, providing you with a deeper understanding of the cosmic connections that can bring us together. Whether you’re seeking love, seeking guidance, or simply seeking to understand the mysteries of the universe, this section will reveal the secrets of love and marriage that will change your life forever.

The impact of planetary positions on love and marriage

As the planets continue to dance across the celestial sky, their intricate positions can have a profound impact on our most intimate and meaningful relationships. The ancient art of astrology has long recognized the subtle yet powerful influence of planetary alignments on the human experience, particularly when it comes to love and marriage. From the passionate allure of Venus to the fiery intensity of Mars, each planet plays a unique role in shaping our romantic journeys.
In this critical phase of our lives, the positions of the planets can either amplify our love and commitment or create challenges that test our relationships. For instance, a Jupiter-Moon conjunction can bring an influx of emotional support and nourishment, while a Saturn-Neptune opposition can lead to feelings of uncertainty and frustration. The intricate web of planetary relationships can also reveal hidden patterns and tendencies that may be driving our choices and behaviors in the pursuit of love and marriage. Love Marriage Problem Solution in UK
By understanding the astrological map that governs our lives, we can gain valuable insights into the dynamics of our relationships, allowing us to make more informed decisions and navigate the complexities of love and marriage with greater ease and confidence. As the best astrologer in the UK, I have spent years studying the ancient art of astrology and have developed a deep understanding of its profound impact on our personal and romantic lives. In this blog post, I will share my expert guidance on how to unlock the secrets of love and marriage, and provide you with the tools and knowledge to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
https://astropoojasharma.com/love-marriage-problem-solution-in-uk/

Hi, so, I've been trying to figure out my MBTI for a while now and initially I thought INFP before realizing that was painfully wrong. I've since figured I'm an xNTP. Now I just need to figure out which I am between the two.
Points foagainst Inferior Fe (or Tertiary)
• Enjoy bringing up certain topics to mess with people and make entertaining conversations (A burrito is a sandwich, salsa could in theory be a spaghetti sauce, a questionable game me and my friends played the others weren't there for, etc.) • Bad at empathizing with people (This is mostly because I get uncomfortable dealing with other people's emotions and tend to just joke around) • Bad at "reading" people (This may because I'm neurodivergent but I struggle to understand people's secret motives and whatnot) • I am socially illiterate while at the same time not being socially illiterate (I have to observe my surroundings first if I want to fit in and blend in but I am generally good at navigating social situations once I have a minute to adjust and examine the environment.) • When it comes to the few things I find personal (like my music tastes) I am very against sharing them, I don't want to be judged for it, but once I feel comfortable enough with the people I am more open to sharing things I consider more sensitive information about myself. • My sense of humor can be all sorts of things but I tend to follow what other people are going with or describe it as "twelve year old boy" humor. I am historically very quotable. There are two separate discord friend groups I am in where things I have said make up a decent 75-90% of the whores chat. • I can tend to see people more as amusement and temporary ways to ease my boredom than friends, when I was (again,) in school I would befriend a person for classes I wouldn't be able to use my phone in because otherwise I'd be really bored. Took until senior year and a D&D party to have actual friends I liked and actually did spend time with outside of school. • When I was a kid I lied a lot but I was pretty shit at it so I stopped and I'm still a bad liar in the present day. I just tell the truth most of the time because I don't see a point in lying.
Points foagainst Inferior Si (or Tertiary)
• Ignoring my body functions until I literally can't (As a kid I would hold in my pee and ignore it because I had other things I wanted to do more until I was crouching on the floor holding it in. Also have ignored my hunger and thirst for similar reasons or because it would "take too long") • Enjoy specific comfort foods/shows (However I might plan to have/watch them and will just not do them. No clue why, I just never get to it) • Bad with routines (I try to set up routines and plans and they just fall apart, the only way to get myself to do anything is if it's NOT planned and I don't on a whim.) • I use past information I've learned and collect it all to use for my arguments when I'm debating with someone to make a logical explanation for why I'm right (using analogies or similar situations to the point I'm trying to support or random pieces of information that, again, support my point.) • I don't really get sentimental about things usually but randomly if big changes occur I get super upset and pissy about it (Ripping up the floors in my childhood home might make me upset or annoyed. I get over it pretty quickly, though.) • I am not very organized. During schooling I shoved all of my school items I received into my backpack and just called it a day, at best I usually put the things connected to each other (such as AP Gov packets) together but that was about the extent of it. • Hated when I was forced to organize things and organize my files because I figured I would literally never use it and I didn't • Sometimes will randomly get a spark of inspiration like once a year and will organize my dresser and actually not shove everything in there for once • I am really terrible organizing things on my own, even these bullet points. Only reason I'm doing it like this is someone said, "Hey, put this into ChatGPT to make it easier to read" and I went, "Good Idea" so I did and it got put into bullet points and it was way easier to read.
Thanks for the help, everyone. Much appreciated.

A time ago, a poster asked about ALL THE PRETTY HORSES thus:
". . .JGC seems to have this supernatural knowledge of his father. At one point in the prison (during the fight I believe) he realizes that he knows everything about his father that he ever will. Then out in the desert while escaping Mexico, he realizes his father is dead. I know this doesn't need an explanation, but what do you all make of that?"
Just finished ATPH and I have questions... :
My answer then was that the novel is a holograph, with different levels, that it fit different interpretations according to what level you looked at it. Yet if you collapse the hologram and just look at the surface level, there is still an explanation for John Grady Cole to suddenly know that his father was dead.
And it goes back to THE VARIETIES OF RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.
In Garry Wallace's memoir involving professional poker player, Betty Carey, he recalls Cormac McCarthy meeting with them in El Paso back in March, 1989, to talk with them about a memoir of her gambling adventures. Wallace had been helping her write it, but they'd thus far been unable to obtain a publisher. Their conversation reveals much about McCarthy's reading and writing and character. You should read Wallace's entire essay.
The scene shifted across town where Betty, McCarthy, and Wallace joined up with their mutual friend, professional gambler and evangelist Frank Morton. Garry Wallace says that it was then that the topic of conversation turned to spiritual matters:
"Frank related a number of personal religious experiences that he had had over the years, pointing out the flaws in other people's lack of faith. I challenged him, saying that one day science would understand these unexplained phenomena for what they really were.'
"McCarthy commented that some cultures used drugs to enhance the spiritual experience, and he said that he had tried LSD before that drug was made illegal. He said that it had helped to open his eyes to these kinds of experiences.'
"Betty recounted having seen the image of Christ on a bus while in Costa Rica. This had been at a time following the casino scam when Betty had been on the run. She said that her experience was as real as our sitting together in the motel room. It had not been a dream or a hallucination.'
"Always the skeptic, I said 'But how does that prove Christianity? Why not Buddha or Allah? You saw Jesus because you were raised in Jesus-land.' I looked to Frank and McCarthy. Their expressions were sympathetic."
McCarthy then spoke about spiritual experiences and asked Wallace if he'd ever read William James' The Varieties of Religious Experience. "His attitude seemed to indicate that in this book were the answers to many of the questions posed in our evening discussion. I was nonplussed."
Months later, Garry Wallace wrote McCarthy, "completing a few thoughts I'd been unable to that night we discussed spiritual experiences. Sometime later, I received a reply."
"He said that the religious experience is always described through the symbols of a particular culture and thus is somewhat misrepresented by them. . .He went on to say that he thinks the mystical experience is a direct apprehension of reality, unmediated by symbol, and he ended with the thought that the inability to see spiritual truth is the greater mystery."
So that scene in ALL THE PRETTY HORSES was meant to be the straight experience of John Grady Cole, just like Mark Twain's experience with his brother, and like all who testified to William James about their own experiences, included in THE VARIETIES OF RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.