I’m the youngest sibling and life has always kind of felt like following my oldest siblings steps in one way or another, being constantly compared to them whether it was to point out how bad or how good I was. “You’re so stubborn just like a”. “You’re smart just like b”. “You should be more like c”.
As a child I was really scared of my siblings as a whole because they would find something to nitpick about me or to make fun of. I never followed particular trends, straying away from getting to passionate about things because I strongly disliked getting their opinions about it. I didn’t want to be a fan of any band/singer or hang up posters because I didn’t want to care a lot about something and it being seen as ridiculous and made fun of, something some of my siblings would do immediately if I showed interests like those. I just stuck to following what they liked so I could feel safe and like a was a part of a family that would otherwise tell me that I was different from them, that I somehow didn’t belong.
While my relationships with my siblings have drastically improved and they have grown as people (they don’t make fun of me and have asked for forgiveness for the bullying-like relationships we use to have when I was younger) I still feel like all that made me really “stuck”, like I haven’t grown at all as a person and I’m still that 12 yo scared of everything. I feel that not being able to experiment with anything that could be considered cringy by them has left me as a shell of a person with no personality or passion.
When I graduated from High School I learned that my country’s financial aid wouldn’t cover my college tuition for reasons I will not explain in detail. My parents weren’t able to help either and the pairing of college tuition being very expensive in my country while the minimum wage being really low basically meant that I would have to go into debt for a college career in a major I wasn’t even sure about since I’m not passionate about anything.
One of my siblings is living abroad in a first world country with a high paying job and they gave me the amazing opportunity to study there, telling me they would help me finance a degree and could stay with them and their spouse until I finished. I was really happy about everything and felt like it was a huge blessing.
But now I’m soon to graduate and feel really miserable inside every day.
I hate my major and only chose it because I was convinced by everyone else that it was the best option because it had the biggest chance to get a good salary. Although they didn’t say it directly, my sibling made some passing comments alluding to their money not going to a good place if it was being spent on studying “something useless” which made me feel guilty so I ended up caving in and studying that for 4 years. I don’t feel like I’m competent enough at what I studied nor do I feel like I even like it enough to feel motivated to get better at it. I’m just angry and miserable anytime I think of getting a job in my field.
Furthermore, when I’ve tried to discuss a future in which I move out after I get a job, I’ve gotten shut down by my sibling and their spouse. As “there’s no reason to do that, you can just stay with us. Once you start making money after college it will be even better because we’ll have a triple income household and will get a bigger place for all of us”. I said that I really would like to be independent and live on my own after that. They just said again in a jokey way that they didn’t spend all that money on me just for me to leave. That just makes me feel guilty. I feel regret every day, like I wish I would I’ve turned down this opportunity just so I didn’t owe them so much and felt so obligated to follow whatever plan that have for me, or met every expectation they have.
I feel bad for sounding so whiny when I recognize they have done a lot for me and they’re actually really great people in general. I know they have done everything having my wellbeing and best interest in mind. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like my life isn’t mine and like if I make one wrong step or go against their wishes I would lose all the support system I have. As graduation approaches I can’t even feel excited for my future and just feel numb and disconnected, like it doesn’t belong to me and it just a movie of somebody else’s life. I feel like I took someone else’s identity and it doesn’t fit at all. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Reddit,
So I’m trying to rebuild my credit and read that court judgements happen and some people don’t know they have them, so I decided to go online and pay to view my court records. It looks like I have 2 judgements against me. The one proof of summons service I bought, still need to buy the other one, has the first name of a person I don’t know with my last name. It states they were my sibling, which I don’t have a sibling older than me, it says they were about 20 years older than me. The other thing is that the service address is not the house address I lived in, the house number, street number, city, and zip code are all wrong. Also, this summons was served in CA but during that time I was not living in CA.
So far no wage garnishment has happened. The case was filed in 2020, service of summons states I was served in December 2020, judgment was awarded around Feb 2021, and I see they filed for Write for Enforcement in March 2024 but don’t see it’s been granted.
Is it easy to dispute this and vacate the judgement to stop any garnishments? I don’t have the money to pay right now, but I’m most likely going to call the collections agent in the near future to try to negotiate a smaller amount and a pay for delete. Or should I just call the collections agency to try to negotiate with them before they possibly start garnishment.
EDIT:
I just purchased the other Proof of Summons of Service for the second judgment, this one was awarded this year, and everything is wrong too. It states I received it by verifying my name, but the address is completely wrong and I’ve never lived there or in that city for that matter.

How does this process work ? Is there a past due amount of arrears that triggersgarnishment for support..is it the amount outstanding or is it times late ?
Also Has anyone moved to a new country, got a new job after being garnished in there home country .?
What power does a country court have if you move to a new country ?
Assume if you pickup and leave your home country the courts would have to find you, find your employer and do this across borders.
Lets say I'm in the USA and work in the USA and pay support and then move to canada or mexico and stop voluntary paying support.
Has anyone done this ?
Please share any insight..

Please, seeking some advice or positive nudges forward.
Some background, I’ve been in therapy for several years now, the last couple have been most effective in seeing tremendous turnaround, but it hasn’t come without some serious effort and change. It’s been painful to change and adapt, and at this point I’ve begun isolating and withdrawing because I seem unable to find much peace, except for some of the moments I do get alone to myself and I can actually get myself to unwind and reflect or meditate, in the healthiest way. But it seems I’m running myself ragged trying to control myself. Letting go has always been the hardest thing for me to do, that even means stopping whatever I’m doing to just breathe.
I don’t do social media, I don’t go out much anymore aside from work and groceries/necessities and occasional food or coffee, even then I’ve had to cut back on bc of the expense. I’ve dedicated my time to school and my recovery journey. I’m what you might call that poor, young, broke American. I’ve been trying to rebalance my life after throwing myself haphazardly into a religious group that left me feeling much cognitive dissonance and has also contributed to my obsessive compulsiveness. I was raised in it w/some dysfunctional family experiences growing up, experienced some trauma that led to addiction and avoidance and I’ve been working hard to get a serious handle on my life in the last several years and I fear I’m now hanging by a thread.
Been an interesting few months, to say the least… I have been breaking down some religious beliefs of mine, like a faith deconstruction. While I think it’s necessary, I’ve become so tired of feeling as if I’m searching for answers. The answers are either not enough or never ending? Maybe it’s the questions and I’m exhausted. I keep finding myself overstimulated by information. Like I’m trying to process too much too fast. The constant jumping into rabbit holes is what led me to pull back from my faith, along with recognizing compulsive behaviors that began arising back in Feb after becoming more involved in the community. I realized I didn’t want to actually be there and I was putting on this fucking mask like I have always done. I had hopes that my faith was working, but the connections felt so false and my efforts vain. I’ve suffered identity loss before, and just when I was putting healthier boundaries in place and I thought I was finding myself being recovered, it’s like I lost myself all over again. The dissociating was hitting hard and real, everything began distracting myself from me, my voice drowned. Being independent of and going my own way from my family (very large family and I’m youngest, only one unmarried, no kids) has been incredibly challenging. I’ve been a fucking codependent people pleaser, it makes me sick. I still live with my parents, have a bachelors, debt, and barely make more than minimum wage (for now ha).
Today, I discussed w/my therapist about the disturbing visceral/emotional responses I’ve been having at work in recent weeks. It occurred to me how unhappy I am and that I’ve been lying to myself and forcing myself to make it work, when I barely feel myself keeping up, don’t feel I connect well w coworkers either, and all the personal work has just taken much of my energy, so I impulsively turned in my notice and have nothing to fall back on. That maybe these emotional responses are because of how much of my expression was suppressed for so long that it might be coming up in intense spurts and I have to let myself feel them. I wasn’t a very emotionally expressive child, and hid everytime I would cry in my teens because I couldn’t explain what I was thinking/feeling, and then for the few years I was on antidepressants bc I was having volatile reactions then (first time starting therapy ever). I am so tired from suppressing or controlling my self expression.
In search of authenticity, I’m not sure I know how to act like myself. It’s like I’m on some edge of breakthrough. I’m either on the verge of collapse, or I’m about to die because I can’t tell if I’m giving up on my life since I’ve been slowly pulling back from more and more because it’s all become too much happening too fast. I also have nobody left to share with, I’ve always been “too much” for “friends” in the past that I cut ties a long time ago and have struggled making new ones, and my family either doesn’t need this heavy load of information or they might project their own take on it. I’ve run out of many people I trust with my life. Probably why I’m trying to put all my faith in self.
So, it’s evident I need a clean break, a clean slate, and I feel the universe is literally serving me up that dish. So, either my body and mind are giving up this fight and I’m somehow preparing myself to dust, or it’s ego death and I’m beginning anew. I just have never before thought it would happen for me, breaking free and rightfully claiming my voice. I feel insane.

X. Paternalism Without Father
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The Managerial and Professional Elite as a Ruling Class
As even the rich lose the sense of place and historical continuity, the subjective feeling of “entitlement,” which takes inherited advantages for granted, gives way to what clinicians call “narcissistic entitlement” - grandiose illusions, inner emptiness. The advantages the rich confer on their children dwindle down to money alone. As the new elite discards the outlook of the old bourgeoisie, it identifies itself not with the work ethic and the responsibilities of wealth but with an ethic of leisure, hedonism, and self-fulfillment. Although it continues to administer American institutions in the interests of private property (corporate property as opposed to entrepreneurial property), it has replaced character building with permissiveness, the cure of souls with the cure of the psyche, blind justice with therapeutic justice, philosophy with social science, personal authority with an equally irrational authority of professional experts. It has tempered competition with antagonistic cooperation, while abolishing many of the rituals in which aggressive impulses formerly found civilized expression. It has surrounded people with “symbolically mediated information” and has substituted images of reality for reality itself. Without intending to, it has created new forms of illiteracy even in the act of setting up a system of universal education. It has undermined the family while attempting to rescue the family. It has torn away the veil of chivalry that once tempered the exploitation of women and has brought men and women face to face as antagonists. It has expropriated the worker’s knowledge of his craft and the mother’s “instinct” for childrearing, and has reorganized this knowledge as a body of esoteric lore accessible only to the initiated. The new ruling class has elaborated new patterns of dependence as effectively as its forebears eradicated the dependence of the peasant on his lord, the apprentice on his master, and the woman on her man.
I do not wish to imply a vast conspiracy against our liberties. These things have been done in broad daylight and have been done, on the whole, with good intentions. Nor have they arisen as a unified policy of social control. Social policy in the United States has unfolded in response to a series of immediate emergencies, and those who make policy seldom see beyond the problems at hand. The cult of pragmatism, moreover, justifies their unwillingness or inability to make far-reaching plans for the future. What unifies their actions is the need to promote and defend the system of corporate capitalism from which they - the managers and professionals who operate the system - derive most of the benefits. The needs of the system shape policy and set the permissible limits of public debate. Most of us can see the system but not the class that administers it and monopolizes the wealth it creates. We resist a class analysis of modern society as a “conspiracy theory.” Thus we prevent ourselves from understanding how our current difficulties arose, why they persist, or how they might be solved.
Progressivism and the Rise of the New Paternalism
The new paternalism emerged in the second half of the nineteenth century, found political expression in the progressive movement and later in the New Deal, and gradually worked its way into every corner of American society. The democratic revolution of the eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, culminating in the Civil War, not only did away with monarchy but undermined established religion, landed elites, and finally overthrew the slaveholding oligarchy in the South. The revolution gave rise to a society based on individualism, competition, and the pursuit of the main chance. It also generated demands for further change, which came to a head in the period immediately following the Civil War. Having destroyed slavery in the name of free labor, the leaders of the democratic movement inadvertently encouraged northern workers to ask for the freedom to control the terms of their work, not merely to sell their labor at ruinous prices. The logic of democracy demanded the confiscation of Confederate estates and their distribution among the freedmen; it demanded woman suffrage; it demanded, in short, a more sweeping reorganization of society than its leaders had contemplated. Seeking merely to free property from its feudal and mercantile restrictions, bourgeois radicals in the 1860s and early 1870s found themselves confronted with an incipient attack on property itself, from which most of them recoiled in horror.
After the collapse of reconstruction and the radical agitation associated with it, American liberalism no longer spoke for the artisan, the small farmer, and the independent entrepreneur - the “producing classes” that had been the backbone of the democratic movement. Faced with unrest at home and with the spectacle of the Paris commune abroad, liberalism now identified itself, in the words of E. L. Godkin, with “the more well-to-do and observing classes.” It undertook to reform society from the top down - to professionalize the civil service, break the power of the urban machine, and put “the best men” into office. When such measures failed to stem the rising tide of labor militancy and agrarian radicalism, reformers brought forward their own version of the “cooperative commonwealth” in the name of progressivism: universal education, welfare capitalism, scientific management of industry and government. The New Deal completed what progressivism had begun, solidifying the foundations of the welfare state and adding much of the superstructure as well. In industry, scientific management gave way to the school of human relations, which tried to substitute cooperation for authoritarian control. But this cooperation rested on management’s monopoly of technology and the reduction of work to routines imperfectly understood by the worker and controlled by the capitalist. Similarly the expansion of welfare services presupposed the reduction of the citizen to a consumer of expertise.
American progressivism, which has successfully countered agrarian radicalism, the labor movement, and the feminist movement by enacting selective parts of their program, has now lost almost all trace of its origin in nineteenth-century liberalism. It has rejected the liberal conception of man, which assumed the primacy of rational self-interest, and has installed in its place a therapeutic conception which acknowledges irrational drives and seeks to divert them into socially constructive channels. It has rejected the stereotype of economic man and has attempted to bring the “whole man” under social control. Instead of regulating the conditions of work alone, it now regulates private life as well, organizing leisure time on scientific principles of social and personal hygiene. It has exposed the innermost secrets of the psyche to medical scrutiny and has thus encouraged habits of anxious self-scrutiny, superficially reminiscent of religious introspection but rooted in anxiety rather than a guilty conscience - in a narcissistic rather than a compulsive or hysterical type of personality.
Liberal Criticism of the Welfare State
The new modes of social control associated with the rise of progressivism having stabilized capitalism without solving any of its underlying problems - the gap between wealth and poverty, the failure of purchasing power to keep pace with productivity, economic stagnation. The new paternalism has kept social tensions from assuming political form, but it has not removed their source. As those tensions increasingly find expression in crime and random violence, critics have begun to ask whether the welfare system delivers all it promised. The system, moreover, has become more and more expensive to operate. Even those who remain loyal to the underlying premises of American capitalism have begun to express alarm about the mounting cost of maintaining it. Proposals to replace the welfare system with a guaranteed income or a negative income tax have gained a sympathetic hearing. In his book on old age, David Hackett Fischer argues that a national inheritance system, whereby a gift of capital at birth would accumulate interest and provide for the citizen in his old age, would prove “cheaper than present arrangements.” The modification or abandonment of the welfare system now presents itself not as a Utopian dream but as a matter of sound business practice.
The health and welfare industries, which have done so much to promote the new paternalism by professionalizing activities formerly carried on in the workshop, the neighborhood, or the home, have themselves begun to harbor second thoughts about the results of their own labors. Members of the “helping professions” have begun to question the efficiency of the public institutions and welfare agencies that monopolize the knowledge formerly administered by ordinary citizens - the hospital, the mental asylum, the juvenile court. The medical profession, after upholding the hospital as an indispensable alternative to the family, now begins to think that patients might be better off if they were allowed to die at home. Psychiatrists have been speculating along similar lines, not only because existing facilities are overcrowded but because they have failed to achieve the high rates of cure once predicted with such confidence. Lawyers have begun to criticize the courts for removing “neglected” children from their homes without evidence that such children suffer serious harm and without proof that institutionalization or transfer to foster parents provides any solution. Even the school’s claim on the child has begun to give way to parental claims. In Wisconsin v. Yoder (1972), the Supreme Court ruled that Amish parents have a right to keep their children out of the public schools. “The child is not the mere creature of the State,” the court said; “those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right, coupled with the high duty, to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations.”
Even with the best intentions, however, those who criticize the welfare state within the assumptions underlying a capitalist economy cannot bring themselves to confront the revolution in social relations that abandonment of the welfare system would require. Liberal criticism of the new paternalism resembles the “humanization” of the workplace, which tries to give the worker the illusion of participation while leaving management in undiminished control. The attempt to mitigate the monotony of the assembly line by allowing the worker to perform more than a single operation does not alter the condition that degrades work - the monotony of the assembly line by allowing the worker to perform more than a single operation does not alter the condition that degrades work - the monopoly of technical knowledge by means of which management designs all phases of production, while the worker merely carries out the bidding of the planning department. Recent proposals to modify the welfare system suffer from the same kind of limitation. Thus a study of the family commissioned by the Carnegie Corporation takes issue with the conventional assumption of parental incompetence while leaving unchallenged the definition of parents as consumers of professional services. Kenneth Keniston and the other authors of the Carnegie report, conscious of belonging to “an emerging consensus,” hold that parents “are still the world’s greatest experts about the needs of their own children.” They recognize that many of the agencies ostensibly ministering to the family have undermined the family instead. The parental “malaise,” according to Keniston, lies in “the sense of having no guidelines or supports for raising children, the feeling of not being in control as parents, and the widespread sense of personal guilt for what seems to be going awry.”
The rehabilitation of parenthood, it appears, implies an attack on professionalism and the welfare state. Yet Keniston stops well short of such an attack. He takes for granted the family’s dependence on experts and seeks merely to regularize and regulate this relationship. “Few people would dispute that we live in a society where parents must increasingly rely on others for help and support in raising their children.” The family economy has disappeared; children represent a financial liability rather than an asset; the school has taken over the family’s education functions; and the medical profession has assumed most of the responsibility for health care. These changes, according to Keniston, leave parents in the position of “executives in a large firm - responsible for the smooth coordination of the many people and processes that must work together to produce the final product.”
This line of analysis leads to the conclusion not that parents should collectively assert their control over childrearing but that federal policy should seek to equalize the relationship between experts and parents. Yet Keniston’s own reasoning shows that parents occupy a position closer to proletarians than to executives. As things now stand, according to Keniston, “parents have little authority over those with whom they share the task of raising their children”; they “deal with those others from a position of inferiority of helplessness.” The obvious reason for this is that the state, not the parents, pays the bill for professional services, or at least signs the paychecks. (The citizens, as taxpayers, pay in the end.) If parents organized and hired their own experts, things might be different.
It goes without saying that such solutions do not commend themselves to members of the policy-making establishment. Measures of this kind are too closely associated with populism, localism, and residual resistance to centralized progress. They have become doubly objectionable, and for reasons the force of which even enemies of the establishment must acknowledge, in the wake of the Ocean Hill-Brownsville battle of the late sixties, when “community control” degenerated into reverse racism and education into racial propaganda. Yet the alternative to community control is more bureaucracy. Instead of confronting the choice, liberal reformers try to have things both ways. While advocating an expansion of government services to the family, a federal guarantee of full employment, improved protection of children’s legal rights, and a vastly expanded program of health care, they propose to strengthen “parent participation” in all these programs. They treat the ascendancy of experts as an unavoidable condition of industrial society, even when they seek to qualify they ascendancy of experts as an unavoidable condition of industrial society, even when they seek to qualify this ascendancy by improving the position of consumers. They assume that the requirements of a complex society dictate the triumph of factory production over handicraft production and the ascendancy of the “helping professions” over the family.
Bureaucratic Dependence and Narcissism
Recent studies of professionalization show that professionalism did not emerge, in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, in response to clearly defined social needs. Instead, the new professions themselves invented many of the needs they claimed to satisfy. They played on public fears of disorder and disease, adopted a deliberately mystifying jargon, ridiculed popular traditions of self-help as backward and unscientific, and in this way created or intensified (not without opposition) a demand for their own services. The evidence of professional self-promotion can no longer be dismissed by reasserting the sociological truism that “modern society involves the individual in relations … that are vastly more complex than [those] his ancestors … had to content with.”
The family’s dependence on professional services over which it has little control represents one form of a more general phenomenon: the erosion of self-reliance and ordinary competence by the growth of giant corporations and of the bureaucratic state that serves them. The corporations and the state now control so much of the necessary know-how that Durkheim’s image of society as the “nourishing mother,” from whom all blessings flow, more and more coincides with the citizen’s everyday experience. The new paternalism has replaced personal dependence not with bureaucratic rationality, as theorists of modernization (beginning with Max Weber) have almost unanimously assumed, but with a new form of bureaucratic dependence. What appears to social scientists as a seamless web of “interdependence” represents in fact the dependence of the individual on the organization, the citizen on the state, the worker on the manager, and the parent on the “helping professions.” The “consensus of the competent,” as Thomas L. Haskell refers to the professions in his study of the professionalization of social science, came into being by reducing the layman to incompetence.
As retributive justice gives way to therapeutic justice, what began as a protest against moral oversimplification ends by destroying the very sense of moral responsibility. Therapeutic justice perpetuates childlike dependence into adulthood and deprives the citizen of legal resources against the state. Formerly law rested on an adversary relation between the state and the offender and acknowledged the superior power of the state by giving important procedural advantages to the defendant. Medical jurisprudence, on the other hand, implicates the offender in his own control. Relieved of moral responsibility when certified into the sick role, he cooperates with the doctors in his own “cure.”
The psychiatric critique of the law, like the therapeutic attack on authority in general, makes a virtue of substituting personal treatment for the impersonal, arbitrary authority of the courts. Thus a specialist in the sociology of law, acknowledging his intention to “substitute scientific therapies for legal sanctions - for ‘justice’” - once deplored the irrationality of legal procedures: “There is in the concept of justice an element of ‘fate’, which is absent in the concept of scientific treatment. The offender simply gets what he himself initiated…. Society as a whole is blameless. The criminal himself was the one who chose.” Whereas “the lawyer’s way of handling a human problem is typically non-scientific,” therapy treats the criminal or patient as a victim and thus puts matters in their proper light. The shift from “sin” to “sickness,” according to this writer, represents the first step toward “the introduction of science and personal reactions [into] human conflicts” and to the recognition of social problems as medical problems, in which “cooperation with the therapist” becomes “probably the most critical problem for the deviant.”
Medical justice shares with enlightened childrearing and pedagogy a tendency to promote dependence as a way of life. Therapeutic modes of thought and practice exempt their object, the patient, from critical judgment and relieve him of moral responsibility. Sickness by definition represents an invasion of the patient by forces outside his conscious control, and the patient’s realistic recognition of the limits of his own responsibility - his acceptance of his diseased and helpless condition - constitutes the first step toward recovery (or permanent invalidism, as the case may be). Therapy labels as sickness what might be judged as weak or willful actions; it thus equips the patient to fight (or resign himself to) the disease, instead of irrationally finding fault with himself. Inappropriately extended beyond the consulting room, however, therapeutic morality encourages a permanent suspension of the moral sense. There is a close connection, in turn, between the erosion of moral responsibility and the waning of the capacity for self-help - in the categories used by John R. Seeley, between the elimination of culpability and the elimination of competence. “What says ‘you are not guilty’ says also ‘you cannot help yourself.’” Therapy legitimates deviance as sickness, but it simultaneously pronounces the patient unfit to manage his own life and delivers him into the hands of a specialist. As therapeutic points of view and practice gain general acceptance, more and more people find themselves disqualified, in effect, from the performance of adult responsibilities and become dependent on some form of medical authority.
The psychological expression of this dependence is narcissism. In its pathological form, narcissism originates as a defense against feelings of helpless dependency in early life, which it tries to counter with “blind optimism” and grandiose illusions of personal self-sufficiency. Since modern society prolongs the experience of dependence into adult life, it encourages milder forms of narcissism in people who might otherwise come to terms with the inescapable limits on their personal freedom and power - limits inherent in the human condition - by developing competence as workers and parents. But at the same time that our society makes it more and more difficult to find satisfaction in love and work, it surrounds the individual with manufactured fantasies of total gratification. The new paternalism preaches not self-denial but self-fulfillment. It sides with narcissistic impulses and discourages their modification by the pleasure of becoming self-reliant, even in a limited domain, which under favorable conditions accompanies maturity. While it encourages grandiose dreams of omnipotence, moreover, the new paternalism undermines more modest fantasies, erodes the capacity to suspend disbelief, and thus makes less and less accessible the harmless substitute-gratifications, notably art and play, that help to mitigate the sense of powerlessness and the fear of dependence that otherwise express themselves in narcissistic traits.
Our society is narcissistic, then, in a double sense. People with narcissistic personalities, although not necessarily more numerous than before, play a conspicuous part in contemporary life, often rising to positions of eminence. Thriving on the adulation of the masses, these celebrities set the tone of public life and of private life as well, since the machinery of celebrity recognizes no boundaries between the public and the private realm. The beautiful people - to use this revealing expression to include not merely wealthy globetrotters but all those who bask, however briefly, in the full glare of the cameras - live out the fantasy of narcissistic success, which consists of nothing more substantial than a wish to be vastly admired, not for one’s accomplishments but simply for oneself, uncritically and without reservation.
Modern capitalist society not only elevates narcissists to prominence, it elicits and reinforces narcissistic traits in everyone. It does this in many ways: by displaying narcissism so prominently and in such attractive forms; by undermining parental authority and thus making it hard for children to grow up; but above all by creating so many varieties of bureaucratic dependence. This dependence, increasingly widespread in a society that is not merely paternalistic but maternalistic as well, makes it increasingly difficult for people to lay to rest the terrors of infancy or to enjoy the consolations of adulthood.
The Conservative Critique of Bureaucracy
Criticism of the new paternalism, insofar as it remains imprisoned in the assumptions of political liberalism, objects to the cost of maintaining a welfare state - the “human cost” as well as the cost to the taxpayers - without criticizing the ascendancy of the managerial and professional class. Another line of attack, which singles out bureaucracy as the overriding evil, arises out of a conservative idealization of old-fashioned individualism. Less equivocal in its opposition to bureaucratic centralization - except when it comes from right-wingers who denounce government regulation of industry and still plead for a gigantic military establishment - the conservative critique of bureaucracy superficially resembles the radical critique outlined in the present study. It deplores the erosion of authority, the corruption of standards in the schools, and the spread of permissiveness. But it refuses to acknowledge the connection between these developments and the rise of monopoly capitalism - between bureaucracy in government and bureaucracy in industry.
“The general historical conflict between individualism and collectivism is dividing mankind into two hostile camps,” wrote Ludwig von Mises in his study of bureaucracy. Capitalist free enterprise, he argued, rests on the rational calculation of profit and loss, whereas bureaucratic management “cannot be checked by economic calculation.” Extended beyond its legitimate domain of law enforcement and national defense, bureaucracy undermines individual initiative and substitutes “government control for free enterprise.” It substitutes the dictatorship of the state for the rule of law. Free-market capitalism, by turning labor into a commodity, “makes the wage earner free from any personal dependence” and detaches “appraisal of each individual’s effort … from any personal considerations.” Bureaucratic collectivism, on the other hand, undermines the “cool rationality and objectivity of capitalist relations” and renders the “plain citizen” dependent on the “professional propagandist of bureaucratization,” who confuses the citizen with his “empty catchwords” and esoteric obfuscation. “Under capitalism everybody is the architect of his own fortune.” But under socialism - and “there is no compromise possible between these two systems,” according to Mises, “no third system” - the “way toward promotion is not achievement but the favor of the superiors.”
This argument suffers from the conservative’s idealization of the personal autonomy made possible by the free market and his willingness to concede enormous war-making powers to the state, so long as they do not interfere with “private” enterprise.” It cannot explain the spread of bureaucracy into industry itself. “The trend toward bureaucratic rigidity is not inherent in the evolution of business,” according to Mises. “It is an outcome of government meddling with business.” Such is his reply to the liberal argument that the inexorable trend toward economic concentration gives rise to a growing gap between ownership and control of the corporation, creates a new managerial elite, and calls into being a centralized state as the only agency capable of controlling it. The liberal analysis itself, however, needs modification. It is not the “divorce between ownership and control” that has created the managerial oligarchy but the divorce between production and planning. Having achieved a complete separation of handwork and brainwork, management monopolizes technical knowledge and reduces the workers to a human machine; but the administration and continual elaboration of this knowledge require an ever-growing managerial apparatus, itself organized on the principles of the factory with its intricate subdivision of tasks. Studies of progressivism and the New Deal have shown that government regulation of business often arose in response to the demands of businessmen themselves. Regulatory agencies draw most of their personnel from business. Neither the regulatory nor the welfare policies of the state rest on “an implacable hatred of private business and free enterprise,” as Mises claims. On the contrary, regulation controls competition and stabilizes the market, while the welfare system socializes the “human costs” of capitalist production - rising unemployment, inadequate wage scales, inadequate insurance against sickness and old age - and helps to forestall more radical solutions.
It is true that a professional elite of doctors, psychiatrists, social scientists, technicians, welfare workers, and civil servants now plays a leading part in the administration of the state and of the “knowledge industry.” But the state and the knowledge industry overlap at so many points with the business corporation (which has increasingly concerned itself with every phase of culture), and the new professionals share so many characteristics with the managers of industry, that the professional elite must be regarded not as an independent class but as a branch of modern management. The therapeutic ethic, which has replaced the nineteenth-century utilitarian ethic, does not serve the “class interest” of professionals alone, as Daniel P. Moynihan and others have argued; it serves the interests of monopoly capitalism as a whole. Moynihan points out that by emphasizing impulse rather than calculation as the determinant of human conduct, and by holding society responsible for the problems confronting individuals, a “government-oriented” professional class has attempted to create a demand for its own services. Professionals, he observes, have a vested interest in discontent, because discontented people turn to professional services for relief. But the same principle underlies all of modern capitalism, which continually tries to create new demands and new discontents that can be assuaged only by the consumption of commodities. Moynihan, aware of this connection, tries to present the professional as the successor to the capitalist. The ideology of “compassion,” he says, serves the class interest of the “post-industrial surplus of functionaries who, in the manner of industrialists who earlier turned to advertising, induce demand for this own products.”
Professional self-aggrandizement, however, grew up side by side with the advertising industry and must be seen as another phase of the same process, the transition from competitive capitalism to monopoly capitalism. The same historical development that turned the citizen into a client transformed the worker from a producer into a consumer. Thus the medical and psychiatric assault on the family as a technologically backward sector went hand in hand with the advertising industry’s drive to convince people that store-brought goods are superior to homemade goods. Both the growth of management and proliferation of professions represent new forms of capitalist control, which first established themselves in the factory and then spread throughout society. The struggle against bureaucracy therefore requires a struggle against capitalism itself. Ordinary citizens cannot resist professional dominance without also asserting control over production and over the technical knowledge on which modern production rests. A reassertion of “common sense,” according to Mises, will “prevent man from falling prey” to the “illusory fantasies” of professional bureaucrats. But common sense is not enough. In order to break the existing pattern of dependence and put an end to the erosion of competence, citizens will have to take the solution of their problems into their own hands. They will have to create their own “communities of competence.” Only then will the productive capacities of modern capitalism, together with the scientific knowledge that now serves it, come to serve the interests of humanity instead.
In a dying culture, narcissism appears to embody - in the guise of personal “growth” and “awareness” - the highest attainment of spiritual enlightenment. The custodians of culture hope, at bottom, merely to survive its collapse. The will to build a better society, however, survives, along with traditions of localism, self-help, and community action that only need the vision of a new society, a decent society, to give them new vigor. The moral discipline formerly associated with the work ethic still retains a value independent of the role it once played in the defense of property rights. That discipline - indispensable to the task of building a new order - endures most of all in those who knew the old order only as a broken promise, yet who took the promise more seriously than those who merely took it for granted.

A 40 hour work week takes to much life time away, especially in this day and age of technology. I believe over time should be after 20-30hrs OR wages need to increase as a whole.
I work 10 hrs a day 5-6 days/week (50-60 hrs/week). The amount I make is a lot more than 40 hweek, that’s why I do it. But when I think of people who can’t work more than 40 hrs due to personal constraints or being burnt by the job, this seems like a major widespread economical problem. Especially when you can publicly see how much these companies make, that you work for.
I understand that successful entrepreneurs will always make the most money. It just seems like it’s gone extreme.
The funny thing is we (the 99%) control how much the entrepreneurial’s make. But we can’t seem to stop them or the wages they choose for us. They find ways to get the lowest price or find perfect psychological advertisement and keeps us hooked.
This probably sounds very nihilistic. But I’m pro future I’m just trying to see a better future. Im probably wrong.
Edit 1: I can not respond to all the counter arguments. Overall it’s not necessary because no one has actually changed my mind in any significant way. The main categories of responders are: I’m the exception not the rule so I work 80 hrs a week and love it 💀, I work for a cooperation so they need to pay this much to keep services cheap 💀, or get your personal financing in check and stop complaining 💀

Hi THT fam! I (24F) and my husband (25M) have been together for 11 years and married for 2. We have recently gotten into an argument about our finances and I really need some outside input. Our finances are set up as so. When we first got married, we each had a separate checking and savings accounts at the same bank. We decided that, since we were buying our first home together shortly after getting married, we should get a combined bank account that all of our bills and things would come out of so we did that. About 3 months after getting our combined account, I started a job in my career. When signing up for my direct deposit, I made the combined account the account where my checks deposited into because I was getting tired of having to keep track of when all of our bills came out and making sure we have the money transfered into that account so we didn't overdraft and our bills got paid on time. I ended up closing my personal account a few months after starting my new job because I never used that account but to pay for a couple of random subscriptions and I could easily transfer those to the combined account. My husband never got rid of his personal account and his checks still get deposited into that account. He now transfers money for our combined bills (when I ask and tell him the amount) from his personal account to the combined. We each pay for specific bigger bills and pay half of all other little bills. This has always worked perfectly fine for me until recently.
Here is the issue I am having: Lately, he started buying random things (for around the house, for our dogs, or getting excessive snacks/drinks from the gas station) with the combined account card and not telling me first. I normally wouldn't bat an eye at some random purchases because I do make more money than him and sometimes when he starts to get low in his own account after paying his half of bills and keeping up with his personal life (gas, work items, etc), he may need to use some of my check for a few extra things (never more than $20 at a time). In the past few weeks, he is spending $75-$100 at a time a few times a week on random things from Walmart or Petsmart that he thinks we need. I know that's not a lot to most people, but we live in small town Ohio. That's a lot of money around here and we have more important things to pay for. I kept my mouth shut until today when he tells me that he is going to Petsmart after work again to get a few things for the dogs. I reply that that's fine but can he not use the combined card for it. He askes me why and I tell him because it's not something we need right now and if he wants it he needs to pay for it himself. He then starts lecturing me about how I'm a control freak because it's a combined account for a reason and it's for both of us to use thats why we both have a card. I tried to explain to him that the money in that account doesn't come from the money fairy and that it's my paychecks he's spending without my consent or knowledge most of the time. We have a few big home renovation purchases coming up later this year that I'm trying to plan and save for and because of the wage gape we have I will be paying for most of those renovations with my checks and bonus check. He just doesn't understand that concept at all and how a few purchases of $75-$100 can really add up in the long run. I feel like I'm reasoning with a brick wall.
Please help me...am I wrong here for telling him to stop spending money from our combined account on random things he thinks we need?

https://www.marxists.org/subject/left-wing/icc/1935/05/marxism.htm

To Marxism, the determining contradiction in present-day society lies in the contradictory development of the social forces of production within the existing relations of production, or, otherwise expressed, between the increasingly socialized character of the productive process itself and the persisting property relations. In all forms of society, the general advance of humanity has been expressed in the development of the productive forces, i.e. of the means and methods of production, enabling ever greater amounts of use articles to be produced with an ever diminishing amount of direct human labor. This process is divisible into historical periods. In it, each stage simply mirrors the attained level of the continuously increasing forces of production and develops for them corresponding social relations. And as soon as a given set of social conditions no longer sufficed, without giving rise to great maladjustments in the social, economic and political spheres, to satisfy the demands of the new and growing forces of production, those conditions were overcome through revolutionary action.
All social development is based in the last instance on the process of interaction between social man and nature. The contradiction arising through human labor between being and consciousness, nature and man, leads to further and further development, and change in nature, society, man and consciousness. Within this great contradiction evolve, in the process of development, narrower social contradictions, which in their turn propel the progressive social movement along the path of revolution.
Since the development of the productive forces has throughout the past been bound up with the rise and decline of classes, past history must necessarily be regarded as a history of class struggle. Thus the development of manufacture under feudalism had to lead, at a certain level, to the overcoming of feudalism and to the birth of capitalist society; a transition which took a revolutionary expression in all the social domains.
The statement of contradiction, the materialist dialectic, the philosophic theory of Marxism and at the same time the law of all real movement, seeks in all contradictions their unity - without, however, for that reason, confusing those contradictions - and sees in the spontaneous movement of contradictions their abolition, i.e. their resolution in a third form, which again produces and must overcome its contradiction. Since the Marxist analysis takes capital as its starting point, capital becomes the thesis, of which the proletariat is the antithesis. The dialectical law of the negation of the negation leads to the synthesis. This can only be the communist society, which knows neither capital nor proletariat, since it has taken up or resolved them both in their concrete forms. This is merely the falling off of a social husk, and, being a product of historical property relations, it is only in capitalism that this husk can possess concrete reality. History, like all reality, is dialectical, hence limitless. Each problem possesses no more than historical character. Marxism does not present itself as something absolute, but as the theory of the class struggle within capitalist society.
Not only, from the standpoint of Marxism, is the contradiction between capital and labor the beginning as well as the end of present-day society, but the progressive development of that society is to be seen only in the growth and sharpening of that contradiction. Capital being the result of the exploitation of labor power, so with the growth of capital, that is, in the course of the human progress under way in this historical period, the exploitation of the workers must of necessity be more and more intensified. If the possibilities of the exploitation of labor power in the present system were unlimited, there would be no reason to expect an end of capitalist society. But with the growth of the proletariat, the class struggle also increases, since at a certain point of development the productive forces of the workers can no longer be applied capitalistically. At that point, the proletariat, of its own accord, develops into a revolutionary force, which strives for and brings about an overthrow of the existing social relations.
Marxism, which perceives in the existence of the proletariat the realization of the dialectical movement of society, bases its theoretical justification mainly on the laws of economic development in general, and of capitalism in particular. Capitalist relations of production are not solely determined by nature (land as a basis for labor) and human activity, but these natural conditions are also subordinate to the capitalistic social relations. The concerns of human beings are not regulated from the point of view of their needs as human beings, but from the point of view of capitalist needs for profits. The decisive factor in capitalist society is not the production of use values but of capital; the latter is the motive power of the productive machinery. This dependence of human welfare upon the private interests of the capitalists is made possible through the separation of the workers from the means of production. The workers cannot live except through the sale of their labor power. The buyers of labor power, who are at the same time the owners of the means of production, buy this power only in order to further their private interests as capitalists, without regard to social consequences.
We have seen that in all forms of society, progressive development is illustrated in the continual growth and improvement of the means and methods of production, enabling the output of an ever greater quantity of products with ever less labor. In capitalism, this same process expresses itself in a more rapid growth of the capital invested in means of production as compared with the capital invested in labor power. That part of the capital which is invested in means of production we call constant capital, since as such it enables no changes of magnitude; and that portion which goes in the form of wages to the workers we call the variable capital, since it adds, through labor itself, new values to those already present. In this way it is shown that the development of the social forces of production under capitalism is expressed in a more rapid growth of the constant capital relatively to the variable.
Capital, and hence its material form, the means of production and labor power, can, however, as already stated, function capitalistically only so long as this may appear profitable to the owners of the means of production. Coming into action only as capital, they must reproduce themselves as capital, a thing which is possible, on the capitalistic basis, only by way of accumulation. The surplus value, from which are derived the funds for accumulation, the additional means of production and labor power as well as the capitalists’ profit, is, however, nothing but unpaid labor. It is that part of the workers’ products which is not consumed by them but was taken from them. Now since the surplus value is derived exclusively from the variable part of capital, and if this variable part must continually diminish relatively to the advance of accumulation, then the surplus value must, with mathematical certainty, continually diminish relatively to accumulation even though it increases absolutely. This contradictory movement, by which with advancing accumulation the capitalistic rate of profit falls (the rate of profit is computed on the total capital, constant and variable) - a process denoted as the growth of the organic composition of capital - is, however, up to a certain point of capitalist development, not at all dangerous, since at a rather low stage of development the system is capable of accumulating faster than the rate of profit falls, or, in other words, to compensate for the fall of the profit rate by the growth of the actual profit mass. This possibility is, however, no less historical than all other matters.
Accumulation there must be, and the lower the rate of profit falls as a result of this accumulation, the greater must the accumulation be. When accumulation goes out, the crisis comes in; the solving of the crisis is possible only through further accumulation, and necessarily at a continually accelerated rate. At a rather high level of capitalist development, when the tempo inherent in accumulation requires the further advance of accumulation in such measure that the absolutely swollen mass of profit is too small in relation to those demands for further accumulation, then accumulation must of necessity come to a stop, and the boom turns to crisis. In other words, capitalist accumulation devours for its own purposes, by which all society is conditioned, an increasingly large part of the surplus value produced by the workers; and in spite of the growth of this surplus value, it must nevertheless, at a high point of development, prove insufficient to meet the demands of accumulation. This law of capitalist accumulation, the primary cause of which is to be seen in the contradiction between exchange value and use value, between capital and labor, is confirmed as an actual law by all empirical factors involved. If accumulation comes to a standstill, by reason of the fact that there is not enough surplus value at hand for its continuance, then that part of capital which is destined for but is at the same time insufficient to meet the needs of accumulation, lies idle and seeks in vain for profitable possibilities of investment. We are faced with the paradoxical truth that a shortage of capital gives rise to a superfluity of capital lacking room for investment. There is no lack of purchasing power, yet, in the capitalist sense, no use can be made of this purchasing power, since from this point of view it is meaningless, because unprofitable.
If accumulation is not continued, the situation must of necessity give rise to a general tie-up of human activity. The commodities destined for further accumulation can find no buyers. They lie unused, and from the over-accumulation results the general over-production of commodities; a circumstance which expresses itself in the closing and paralyzing of enterprises in all spheres of social life and hence in an enormous increase of unemployment.
The crisis also brings with it certain tendencies working to overcome it. The organic composition of capital is lowered by capital being destroyed through bankruptcies and devaluation. Through the export of capital and intensified imperialistic ventures, new sources of additional surplus value are created. Through general rationalization of working methods, further technical innovations in the productive process, cheaper sources of raw materials, as well as through the pauperization of the workers and the expropriation of the middle classes, etc., the quantity of surplus value is adapted to meet the demands of further accumulation. All efforts during the crisis serve to revive profitable capitalist operation on a lower price and value level. If this occurs, nothing stands in the way of a new upswing, which, however, after a certain time, as a result of renewed over-accumulation, necessarily turns off into a new crisis. These factors we call the counter-tendencies directed against the collapse of capitalism.
Like everything else, however, these counter-tendencies are of an historical nature. At a certain point of capitalist development, their effectiveness as factors in overcoming crises ceases. They become too weak in relation to the further demands of accumulation, or are already completely exhausted as a result of previous accumulation (for example, capitalist expansion meets its objective limits long before it completes its march over the globe). Furthermore, capitalist rationalization leads, as has been shown, to mis-rationalization, and the revolutionizing of technique, too, has its capitalistic limits. Neither can wages in the long run be kept below the workers’ cost of reproducing themselves, nor can the middle-class elements be completely expropriated. Monopolization further lowers the possibility for capital expansion, and imperialistic ventures grow more and more dubious. But regardless of how or when the counter-tendencies are neutralized, it is clear to the Marxist that capitalism must of necessity reach a point where the past cycle of crises gives way to the permanent crisis which capitalism is powerless to overcome.
This permanent crisis, or the death crisis, of capitalism is a crisis no longer restricted by any counter-tendencies - a crisis in which the tendency toward collapse runs its course. But even here we are not presented with a single act, but with a process, a whole historical period. In such an economic condition, the relative pauperization of the proletariat, which goes with the whole of capitalist development, is bound to become absolute, general and permanent. During the upgrade period of capitalism, wages rose, since the cost of reproducing the workers continually increased also, though in relation to what they produced, their portion was less and less. In the permanent crisis, their real living conditions are bound to grow worse, absolutely and uninterruptedly.
The condition of permanent crisis forms the objective basis of the revolutionary labor movement. The class struggle grows sharper and assumes more naked forms. On the other hand, the means of suppression employed by the ruling class are adapted to this new condition. While in the upgrade period of capitalism, “formal democracy” sufficed to permit the smooth operation of the social mechanism, in the permanent crisis capitalism has to take up with open dictatorship. In the place of “democracy” there arises, at a rather high stage of development, a political condition which today is called fascism. The fact that the ideological basis of fascism is formed by the impoverished middle class does not alter the fact that the fascist movement operates only in the interest of the now monopolized capital. Capitalist concentration, which goes on even in the permanent crisis, necessarily impoverishes also the middle strata of capitalists. The energies thus aroused within the middle class are engaged by monopoly capital for its own purposes. Parts of the petty bourgeoisie are granted concessions at the expense of the workers, though these concessions are only of temporary character.
By destroying the organizations and doing away with the limited “democratic” political liberties of the workers with the aid of the corrupted middle-class gunmen and the part of the workers under their ideological influence, capitalism thinks to secure its continued existence even during the permanent crisis. But even though, through terrorism, the workers can be politically atomized, their congregation in large masses is still necessary for industrial production. With the destruction of the old form of the labor movement, new forms necessarily arise; and since these forms are deprived of other means of expression, they must express themselves on the job itself, whereby their strength is increased a thousand-fold. The workers-council movement, the organizational form of the revolution, thus arises naturally out of the very conditions which capitalism has created. The permanent terror is at the same time the political schooling of the workers. So that in the proletariat capitalism not only produces its own grave-diggers; it has also to demonstrate to the proletariat how they can fight successfully.
Even though the workers in great masses may never attain a revolutionary consciousness, in order to live they are forced to take up the fight against capital. And when they fight for their existence under the conditions of the permanent crisis, this fight, regardless of its ideological quality, is a fight which can only turn in the direction of overcoming the capitalist system. Until the successful revolutionary overthrow, the proletariat lives in barbarous, constantly worsening conditions, and the only possibility of getting away from that is communism; that is, the overcoming of capitalist relations of production, the abolition of private property in the means of production, which is identical with the abolition of wage labor.
Marxism is not only a theory which sprung from the existence of the proletariat and its position in society; Marxism is the actual class struggle between capital and labor, that is, a social condition in which the workers, whether they will or not, whether they are conscious of it or not, whether they know Marx or not, are unable to act otherwise than in accordance with Marxism, if they wish to maintain themselves and thereby at the same time to serve the general progress of mankind. While Marx himself actualized the Hegelian dialectic, that is recognized the real, concrete movement as dialectical, Marxism can be actualized only by means of the fighting proletariat. A Marxist is not one who has mastered the Marxian theories; a Marxist is one who strives to actualize those theories. In a word: Marxism is not only a view of the world; Marxism is the living, fighting proletariat.

Residential Contracting 101
With over 20 years of building experience, I would like to share with you my insights in navigating becoming a successful contractor. With many different avenues of the building world its key to understand what problems will arise on any given day. A man once told a saying that stuck-the 6 p’s in life- Piss Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Preparation builds everything in construction, without preparation the jobsite will not run correctly. The best advice I was ever given was to learn a little about every trade giving you the ability to understand trade lingo and secrets. An example would be painters use the terminology flash; this means when the sub structure bleads through the paint. Subcontractors will give the best pricing if they respect your knowledge of the industry. If the subcontractor feels they will have to hold your hand through the job they will charge an extra fee…i.e. I call it the aggravation fee. In this blog I will explain the key elements in finding success in all aspects of the industry. Contracting is a physically and emotionally demanding job which requires planning and foresight to complete projects on time within budget. Picking your customer is just as important as picking your employees or subcontractors. I have worked for some of the most demanding customers leading me to question at the end if the job was even worth it. Sleepless nights, constant changes, lack of payment, lawsuit threats, adding work that was in the contract are just a few things you could face with a tough customer. With so many moving parts at all times it is critical to be able to adapt to changes within a short time frame. Materials will come in damaged, subcontractors will be late, employees will get sick, but the deadline you set does not change. The stress can be overwhelming at times keeping your mind in a good place is key to navigating all that is thrown at you. Choosing your client picking the right jobs-Keep these questions in mind The first question to be asked is what the time frame is to start the job to see if it fits within the timeframe for your business. If the time frame doesn’t work then move on from the project or let them know when you would be available to start. If the client really wants to use, they will wait until you are available. Taking on too much work will only lead to problems. Construction is a serviced based business, staying on top of the project and client will eliminate an unhappy customer and construction issues that will be over seen. With online presence if details are missed and customer service lacks it will only be a matter of time the phone will not ring. The second question to be asked to the client is do they have a budget in mind for the project. If they answer yes this is good, follow through with what the budget is. If the budget seems low let them know, this will eliminate a tire kicker, educate them on what the price range could be. If the budget seems reasonable then continue the discussion to the next question. If they answer no let them know that you can give them an estimate to see if the project is feasible with their finical capabilities. Taking on a job that is not correctly budgeted will lead to an unsatisfied customer due to non-transparency of the construction cost. The third question to be asked is anyone else bidding on the job, if the answer is yes, understand you might just be number check for the contractor doing the job. Dig a little deeper and find out how many numbers they are getting and why. If your business model is to be competitive be completely transparent with customer, this will gain trust with them. Let them know you get what you pay for and if you they choose the lowest bid it could lead into lack of quality of work.
The fourth question I will ask is there any specific subcontractors they wanted to use. If the answer is yes then I would explain to them you only use the subcontractors you have a working relationship with. Otherwise, this could backfire as the subcontractor might not show, do subpar work, talk behind your back to the homeowner. In my experience I would stay away from using any homeowner to alleviate problems down the road. A quick conversation now can save headaches down the road. The fifth question I will ask are planning on getting the job permitted, this needs to be known it takes more time for the permitting process. Plans will have to drawn submitted and approved to the city before work can commence. The sixth question I will ask if a residential remodel is are you going to be living through the remodel if yes understand this will take more time to navigate the project due to answering questions and cleaning the house on a daily occurrence. I would recommend seeing if the customer would be willing to move into an Airbnb or friends for at least the demo portion of the project. If they do plan on living through the remodel add a couple hours a day to accommodate the extra time that will be required. The seventh question I would ask in a residential remodel is how old the house is to see if there is asbestos that would need to removed by a proper company. A home built before 1979 will most likely have some asbestos in the house, use a licensed company with proper insurance to dispose of the materials. If everything looks good to this point find out a little more about the client personality. If the client seems reasonable, I would bid the job. Unreasonable people can cause you more stress than its worth. These are some red flags I would look out for. Some jobs are not worth the money. Very demanding in the way you are going to perform your job- I.e., tell you how you are going to do your job- You’re the professional not them! Give you a hard time about your price- haggle with price you estimated- The price is the price! If they are a family with little money and you want to help them out is one thing, if they are trying to beat you down is another. Mention they have a lawyer-there is no need for them to bring up that they have a lawyer - Run for the hills as if the job goes south, you will be the one losing out! Tell you what the payment terms are. It’s your business you get paid how it works for your company. If you want to get paid every Friday, put it into your contract-If the clients do not agree move on it will save you frustrations If they talk bad about the last contractor, chances are they will talk bad about you. There is a reason why the contractor does not work for them anymore, unless he did subpar work this a red flag Clients are using an interior decorator that will purchasing all of the materials- The materials could be ordered incorrectly by the interior designer your company will not make the mark-up it deserves. Interior decorators usually add time to the job as well as act like your boss. Charging a little extra for the time and stress that it will entail is only fair. Clients want to purchase the materials- You are using your knowledge to buy the correct materials-The mark up on the materials keeps the doors open working for wages only pays the bills The husband and wife do not get along-You will become the mediator between the couple it will lead to taking sides a losing proposition- A drama free work place is always best! Dangling carrot-if you do this job the next one will be better-Only look at what there offering at the present moment, if its not a good fit do not take the job for a job down the road…Its not worth chasing a job that might not happen! The Art of the Sale First things first selling your company is all about presentation. In meeting your clients for the first time show up with a collared golf shirt tucked in, belt, nice jeans, and newer shoes. Have a truck that a clean, no dents scratches, preferably washed the day you are going into your meeting. Have a leather note pad that is clean no dirt or paint visible. Show up 5 minutes early, if you’re running a little late shoot them a text to let them know. Treat the situation as if were going on a first date, best foot forward. As you introduce yourself give them a warm greeting, letting them know you are very interested in the work. Find out a little about them, hobbies, where they lived, etc etc. You are going to be working with them on a daily basis its nice to know what makes them tick. Having a good working relationship from the start is key forming a solid relationship. As the conversation progresses find out who wears the pants in the family…ie who’s the final decision maker. If its fits the wife, chances it is…..then kindly let the husband know happy wife happy life when their in a stall mate on an issue. As your looking at the project throw in some suggestions of what you think would look good from past experiences, this will get their attention that you have knowledge and want what’s best for them. If you see ways to save them money in their project let them know, money is a large point of the sale keep that in mind. Mention that you’re not the least expensive contractor but you’re not the most expensive either. Your customer satisfaction is your number one goal which leads to more time spent on keeping them happy. One happy customer will lead to another, one unsatisfied customer leads to work in the future. Bring up the fact the finishing the job on time is key goal to your business, many contractors run several jobs at once causing the jobs to be finished way behind schedule. You must stand out as having integrity, good morals, and the ability to problem solve to get the job. The clients will be testing you to see if you’re a good fit as well. Keep in mind as you take your notes that you must not forget anything they mention as it will come back before the job is completed…i.e. we mentioned that to you before we started the job! Take pictures of the proposed area for work, that way you can use it to better right your estimate. Let them know you will give them a detailed outline of when the job will be completed letting them see how long each phase will take and correlate it with your payment schedule. Before you leave their house let them know when the estimate will be sent to them. MAKE SURE YOU HIT THAT DEADLINE! Once you sent the email over with estimate make sure you get confirmation that they received it. Wait at least 2 days before checking with them, hopefully they contact you first! If they want negotiate the price, let them know that it is the best price that you can manage, its not worth losing money before you start. I closed 80% of the work I estimated by being very transparent and friendly. If you come off with an attitude charge double what the going rates are you might only land 1 out of 10 jobs as well as getting the reputation of being expensive. Bidding the job Looking up industry standards on pricing is what I would go buy for pricing. If you google the coat of any installation there will be a cost range for everything. Looking at the cost ranging from high to low I would tend to be in the middle. Some items might be low on the internet if this is the case use your best judgment not to lose money. Closing sales is key to success and keep the doors open for business. Being in the middle on pricing is key as most customers shy away from contractors that are extremely low or high on the price range. I tend not bid out hourly as wages do not pay for retirement. Bidding is better as customers no the exact price of the cost of construction. It also keeps the job moving quicker as time and material contractors take longer to complete projects…Thus costing the client more money and valuable time they could spend in their house. Using a Contract Using a detailed estimate tied to a contract covers your butt in 99% of the time. Having a piece of mind that every aspect of the job is covered in the estimate and contract protects both your company and the client. Key terms to include in your estimate/contract are. Have a schedule on excel showing the start dates and dates of each trade this will show the customer you are organized with time lines. If not written in the detailed in the estimate the item is excluded- This ensures if its not written down its not included. TBD- To be Determined- A phrase on a line item that has yet to had final decision of products or service needed. -The pricing will follow the decisions to be finalized Give out what your written warranty will be for parts and labor this changes state to state. If the homeowner provides the product than no warranty will be given on that particular item. In the contract have a start date and end date with the verbiage subject to change due to weather, product delivery, change orders Have a progress payment schedule to ensure the client understands when funding will be expected-Including if not payment is rendered service to the project will stop. Have written terms of how change orders will be charged-cost plus 20% or a set fee Make sure in your contract that arbitration is required versus going to court- This will save lawyer fees and going to court Many contracts can be found online and each state requires different contracts
Finding leads Finding leads is easy with the right network of people. I personally do not find working for friends or family members a good fit. Relationships get strained when money is involved, causing undue stress for both parties. I have listed a couple of ways to build a network or find work using the internet. Get in contact with realtor’s- Realtors have a big client base of homeowners who need work done Contact local Architects to see if they are working with any general contractors Leave some business cards at your local materials suppliers-Doowindow/lumber-many times clients will ask salesman for a referral. Join a business networking group- BNI is one of many Join a internet website lead generation company- Houzz, Angie’s List, Home Advisor, thumbtack, Yelp run an ad on craigslist Use a marketing company to market your website-This could become costly with little results Create a Facebook business page Create a Yelp business page
Building your subcontractor base Having 2 subcontractors for every trade, gives you the flexibility of completing jobs on time if the one the subcontractors is too busy at the time you need their service. Your subcontractors are the face of your business, choose owner run companies that are professional. Check to make sure there license are up to date..ie workman’s comp, liability insurance, state license. Choosing subcontractors with lettered vans, logoed t-shirts is s key to looking professional in the clients’ eyes. In the past I have gotten a lot of subcontractors for material supply shops, stopping by jobsites, researching the internet using Yelp, Home Advisor, etc etc. Once you get one good subcontractor ask them if they know any other trades they would recommend. One good subcontractor leads to another in most cases. The key to having a good group of subcontractors is to let them know that you are there to get help them get the job done. They do work for you but without them you are nothing…keep that in mind! Make them aware a clean jobsite is required at the end of everyday to ensure the proper safety for all parties including theirs! Over the years I have referred a lot of companies work when there is only 1 trade needed. Referring work to subcontractors is a good way to get top priority when you have work that needs to be completed ASAP. Timing is everything in times of emergency having a good group of subcontractors will make your business run smoothly. Pay your subcontractors immediately after performing work, this will make them feel appreciated! A happy subcontractor is one that will gladly go the extra mile for you knowing that there not just a number to your business! Buying lunch once a week for the jobsite is always a good token of appreciation!
Supervising In supervising any jobsite its key to monitor everything from materials on hand, weather, vehicle parking (if applicable), jobsite safety, and subcontractors’ workmanship. If you hired a professional there should be little supervision in the work being performed, on rare occasions a new hire might need some mentoring to get the results completed correctly. If you see a problem with there work address it with the worker directly, no need to call his boss…. building repour with the worker letting him know you got his back goes miles down the road! Checking in on the job first in the morning to answer any questions or changes that need to be conveyed and once in the afternoon to make sure all work be completed is done per construction industry standards. A job that is run blindly will have many more issues than one that is watched over. I have seen many jobs with no site supervision, leading to subpar quality work as well as safety hazards. Its better to be like an eagle than cluck like a turkey!
Working with the City/Inspectors On permitted jobs the city and site inspector will be a large part of how smoothly the job runs. Each phase of construction has an inspection allowing for the project to continue. Make sure your subcontractors are aware that the project is inspected before starting the job. The best way to stay on his good side is to provide a clean jobsite and having the job built to the highest standards possible. When having the site inspected be courteous to the inspector asking any questions or concerns you have with the work during the job. Being completely transparent will save you aggravation of problems down the road. The more he trust you the better if you seem sneaky or rude he will make your life a living nightmare! Many inspectors will have an attitude towards you….I suggest keeping quiet and doing what ever he wants….he’s the boss no need to get in a pissing match you will not win at. How to deal with irate customer Stay calm during any argument with an irate customer. Never raise your voice or show that you are bothered by their disgruntled behavior. If the customer is trying to get more from you than agreed upon stand your ground. Worst case scenario is you walk from the job, which in the long run be more of a loss for the client. I have only run into a couple of these clients; they are unreasonable and not worth losing sleep over a few dollars. Its best to terminate the relationship as it would be my best guess that a referral from this customer would not be one you wanted anyway. If you feel it was just a miscommunication on your end, take reasonability and remedy the problem. Taking accountability for your mistake will go a far way in their eyes and on future issues that arise. Prepping the homeowner pre-construction Before starting the job, it very important to give the homeowners a warning of what will happen during the construction process.

1. All furniture in the proposed working area must be moved- I would recommend having the clients take care of this to limit the risk of damage to their belongings.
2. There will be dust that will be in the house up to 3 months after construction-I would recommend hiring a construction cleaning company at the end of the job even so after it is cleaned dust will be present months after words.
3. There will be conflicts between you in the homeowner at some course of the job. - You will do your best to eliminate them as quickly as they arise-i.e. material damages, miscommunication, job delays
4. All decisions on materials must be made before the start of the job- this will eliminate job stoppage due to materials not being on site.
5. All materials will be on site before commencement of job-
6. Payment structures must be made per contract otherwise job will stop until payment rendered
7. Cars are to be moved out of the driveway- Ensures ease of loading and unloading of materials/tools
8. Give the specific hours that workers will be present- i.e. 7-3:30
9. Determine what areas are allowed to be used as staging for tools/materials
10. If animals are present in the home that they put outside or in a room during the day
11. All valuables in the house are locked in safe
12. Ask if using client’s household bathroom is okay or to bring in Porter Potty
13. Being transparent as possible is key to keeping a great relationship with your client!

During Construction During construction it is key to take detailed photos to eliminate any damages that were not caused by the construction process. I would also make a video to ensure all areas are included. All subcontractors should also take progress pictures to ensure if problems arise in the future, they will not be responsible for any work that they did not perform. Keep an on-going log of progress to the homeowners and share the pictures for there records. This will keep homeowners excited of the progress being made. When the house is gutted to the studs it is important to have construction photos showing where all utilities are run in the walls or sub floor. If there is a problem in the future there will photos showing all utility locations. Protect all flooring with plywood or floor protective. I also like to protect front door and tarp all areas where subcontractors are to be working. Make sure to cover any chandeliers/furniture/doorways with plastic to eliminate dust. Ask the homeowners if they have any concerns that they could think of. We’re all human and possibly a detail was missed! Post Construction Phase If the project went smoothly appreciation should be shown to the customer. Find out if the husband likes a particular type of liquor. Bring the wife a bouquet of flowers. Send a Christmas card to the family letting how much you appreciated the work. You know you have done a good job if they tell you they will refer you to their friends. The best compliment you could receive is a good referral. In Summary Try to find a knitch in the market, I found kitchens to be a great remodel projects. Bathrooms are tough as they are small, expensive with little profit margin with every trade involved. Windows/doors are also another great knitch as they can be installed quickly. There are so many different remodeling items that can be stream lined to make the selling installing process flawless. Once the core group subcontractors are in place the job almost runs itself. Every day is a learning experience with new materials or methods in construction. Keeping up with codes, materials, fluctuating labor and material cost is a job within itself. Anyone can be a contractor with the right mindset.

hi ladies. thank you so much for creating this thread. I've been debating writing this post for a long time but it's been on my heart and my mind for a while so I am going to share my experience with the Universe Guru. I think that after I share this, I can finally move on energetically instead of constantly checking this thread, and move forward with my life completely mina Iran free.
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I found Mina's content at a very vulnerable time in my life.... and honestly now looking back it is obvious that she profits off women's vulnerability. when I saw this woman on the internet talking about how "it gets to be easy" and "100k months are easy" and what not and I was mesmerized. so I spent a while just watching her livestreams then I decided to buy the $222 drop the struggle course in like feb '22 when I had no job or no money, I literally had to take out a credit card to get it, which is ok to mina because she actually promotes that (which I am now realizing is all a marketing tactic for her followers to break the bank in order to purchase her subpar over priced courses).
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Anyway so I got the end the struggle bundle and it was ok I guess. my life was still a struggle, but I guess now that I had Mina's 2 hour live streams to binge on as a distraction, I just ignored it.
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maybe if I get millionairess then I will unlock the secret to making boku amounts of cash In my business like mina. I thought.
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So next I got the millionaires course for $333 I think and was SEVERLY DISAPPOINTED. I thought to myself "maybe if I play it in the background of my life, as I am growing my own online business it will change things" and once again, no results came from her courses but at this point I was sucked in and following her teachings like gospel even though my intuition was telling me something was off, especially now that I started to get a bunch of courses when she was doing flash sales (once again using a credit card bc I was still on a warehouse wage and my business wasn't profitable at all at that time).
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In her course content she would often
1) contradict herself
2) spend the whole time talking about her life instead of giving actual teachings
3) record a zoom call with a bunch of women who were clearly going through a hard time in life, asking her questions and her making it a module. which no shade or disrespect to the women, I just found it quite annoying how I paid all this money to be taught by Mina yet I am met with conversations from women who are seeking the same teachings as I am!
Things started to feel really icky for me but I just still followed her blindly because I was completely blinded by the "if you don't have results yet its because there is still a lot of inner work to do" marketing tactic.
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I think I have about 10-12 of her courses, I don't exactly know because I haven't been on my course dashboard for months and I don't plan on ever logging back in. Ironically the only course I got value from was intoxicate, which was one of her lower priced offers at the affordable price of $333. but the biggest teaching in there is make your man feel like a hero, and honestly this information can be found in any relationship experts book. But anyway... my final straw was WIFED. I used pretty much the last bit of the life insurance I got from my dads passing (who ironically was trying to talk me out of going to the Dubai intensive before he died when I told him about it because he looked her up and said she was an obvious scammer) to buy the course.
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sidenote: I think my dad - from the other side - protected me from going to Dubai (I live in America) because I was in such deep grief from my dads sudden death that I didn't have the time or energy to plan or pay for my accommodations and I didn't end up going (I emailed the team that I couldn't come, they ignored me then I sent another email and they finally responded giving me a 1111 credit for what I already paid for the course- I got CASH which was a Total waste of my time). but Im glad I didn't go to Dubai looking back, but anyway back to why I was done with her after buying wifed.
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I didn't even get half way through the course when I realized that there is no value in this course. she basically just tells you that if you are age 20-29 you can get any man you want and get him the sign the dotted line and then after you're married "do whatever you want". Also around this time I started buying Amanda Frances courses and content and ALOT of Minas teachings (esp around money) are literally VERBATIM from Amanda's book or courses. like she even says some of the same things in the same tone or cadence as Amanda, yet has NEVER acknowledged her work that I know of. some of the things I noticed she copied were:

1. Amandas "what's beneath the surface" journaling prompt
2. energetic minimums and Maximums when it comes to receiving money
3. "truth testing"
4. the "I am no longer available for;;;" boundary setting things

I know mina copied off Amanda because Amanda states she doesn't follow any other coaches / gurus besides her coach at the time which was not Mina. it was all just weird and icky. and when Amanda does mention teachings that are not her own, she credits where she got them free. Mina NEVER does this. she acts like her teachings are all her own, which in itself is a red flag.
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I got the wifed course during her sale in 2023 (for like $1800) and at the time of writing it is may 2024. I am not married lol. (turns out I actually don't care to be married right now- im 27 & childless and was tricked into thinking im doing it wrong because mina says you should be married and have babies before 30 - this is not even what I want. I do want marriage and kids just NOT NOW. Minas content centers around making marriage the holy grail- hence why I thought I desired it now when I really didn't!)
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The way she markets the course on the sales page is totally different than the content in the course. I can't believe I bought a course on how to get wifed by a woman who obviously is unhappy in her marriage as she feels like she settled. She constantly talks about how she should have married the multi millionaire that her mom liked and how she wishes she did. I think she used her husband for his stability and to make babies with his "provider DNA" because she was so traumatized by the relationship with her ex husband. I found it really weird and disgusting how she would trash the father of her child in her courses over and over again like it was some sort of badge of honor. plus I know her oldest son works for her and it always made me wonder if her son would listen in to the courses and hear the horrible things she was saying about his dad.
Anyway, I stopped listening to her way before Chris was in the picture but she would still come up on my recommended and just the vibe of Chris I could tell that he will have something to do with the truth about her coming out. I am so happy that her dark and manipulative tactics that she uses to prey on women and their deepest desires (money and love) and capitalize off them without ACTUALLY helping them to attain their desires. its literally all smoke and mirrors. I saw her as a mother figure for a while and it wasn't until I really accepted the fact that my own birth mother is narcissistic that I realized that the reason why I latched on to mina was because her constant criticsm, "all about me", "my children/students are my world but only to the extent that they can benefit me", was familiar to me. which in itself is toxic. but as soon as I started to become aware of the affects having a narc mom has had on me was when I realized that Mina had become my toxic internet narcissistic mom who was making me feel even more shitty than better! I remember on one of her live streams when she was marketing divinely Soul'd and she was bragging about how easy it is to make money online and how "you have to try hard to not make money online" and that really hurt and offended me because I was not having the same ease with calling in sales and money that she was and I constantly felt like my business/ content was not good enough because I wasn't making money as easily has her even though I had done my "inner work".
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Turns out that building a business that is based on VALUE and customer satisfaction takes time, energy and effort. of course making money online is easy when you are scamming women out of 1000s of dollars for your own personal gain.
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In conclusion, here are the things that "thought leader" and "guru" Mina as taught me:

1. how to spot an internet scammer
2. how to spot a covert and communal narcissist
3. how not to run a coaching business if you actually want to have a good reputation and long term recurring clients and customers
4. how believing your own lies actually makes them true in your life , but makes you look very suspicious and psychopathic to others - like in the teaching someone posted on here about how she says everyone lies .... like who is everyone? I literally don't lie ever lol even when I am intentionally doing things to protect myself and my "DNA"

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Here are some things that I have changed and shifted in my life since cutting her teachings out;

1. I no longer glorify the "provider man" because literally any healthy man that loves you will provide all he can for you. it doesn't take a coach or a teacher or 1000 manipulation tactics- it will just come naturally
2. I am happy to be single right now and focusing on me, and when the time is right I will attract a man that is right for me and I won't have to date 50 men on rotation to find him (rotational dating has never been my cup of tea)
3. that I actually want to have a business that provides value and satisfaction to my customers and clients

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this was a long one, but I already feel better after typing this out! I AM NOT AVAILABLE to be manipulated by narcissists for their personal gain anymore. I hope this post helps someone. if you are struggling financially, a student, or just starting out in your career, DO NOT spend 1000s on her courses, instead invest in ACTUAL education... as PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATIONS on courser are only like $50 a month, and you can get some ACCREDITED UNIVERSITY degrees for less than her university bundle! and of course self help books are like $30 max.
And as someone who creates digital courses online that provide original information and actual value, do not discount all the amazing coaches and entrepreneurs out there who ACTUALLY CARE about their clients and customers, who actually have value to give. Don't let one rotten apple rot the whole tree.
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I hope this helps someone!
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I apologize in advance but this is a long one. I’ve never vented on Reddit before so using my fake account.
So I married a women who I loved 12 years ago. She was on the larger side while we were dating and I had some doubts about proposing. After a few big fights, I got a promise out of her that she would lose weight if we got married. I believed her and proposed. The reason she put pressure on me to propose was because her surgical residency was about to begin and there would be no time to get married during it.
So anyway, we got married, moved to a new city (I won’t say which but it’s a famously terrible one), and things were good for a bit. Residency eventually killed the marriage though. Sex dwindled since she was constantly tired and the promised weight loss never happened. In fact, she gained weight (which is kind of impressive considering how little time she had for meals). She looks terrible now.
On her third year of residency, she took a year for medical research and she got pregnant with our daughter (I love our daughter more than anything). Caring for our child became my focus. Anyways, 2 years later and her residency ended and we moved to ANOTHER new city (also terrible) for her fellowship. These were a rough few years. Between working full time (I work remotely and make ~130k) caring for a baby and a zombie wife, my memories all a blur. But I always hoped the big money coming in the future would fulfill me.
But now that it’s all over and we’re moving to a THIRD crappy city I feel like I got the short end of the stick. The long work hours are over but nothings improved. We’ve had sex twice since our baby was born (lazy birthday presents if you ask my opinion and I didn’t enjoy the sex since she’s so fat now) and I REALLY want to cheat or divorce but I know that would be wrong. Plus I have incentive to stay for the sake of our baby and for the big money my wife is finally starting to bring in after a decade of poverty wages.
But on the other hand, I don’t think I’ll ever stop resenting my wife for taking me away from my family and friends and leaving me in constant isolation doing nothing but cooking and cleaning up after her and my daughter every day. Not only that but the lack of attraction to my wife has basically turned me into a porn addict. After years spent working hard to support her, paying our bills and her student loans, and raising our baby as a pseudo-single parent, I can’t help but feel entitled to something.
I’ve tried asking for an open relationship but was rejected. I’ve asked if I could find a girl for a threesome and was rejected. I’ve even asked for more effort in the sex department but have only been given empty promises. So I looked to myself and went hard at the gym and I look really good right now. 5’-11” 165lbs and I have abs now. So I thought maybe that would snap my wife out of it, or motivate her to use the gym, but still nothing.
Sorry internet for the giant rant, but I have no one else to talk to about this.
Tldr; I’m very unhappy in my marriage and nothing I’ve tried to fix it will work. But I have obligations to stay in my marriage because that’s what marriage is

I need adviceeeeeeeee. Me(26F) and he(30M)
I have been in a 4 year situationship, which is muuuuch longer than I would have ever wanted it to last. Every aspect of our lives has been entangled but we are now finally slowly becoming more independent from each other. The issue is, our financials are still so entangled and I am much better off than he is.
For the record, he is the most lovely amazing and emotionally mature person. He’s been there for me in my darkest times and lived with me when I was suffering the most intense anger swings. Im now on meds and therapy and I have been stable for the last 2 years.
He has inheritance which he used to pay for a year rent upfront as he has chosen to focus on launching a game and he has ADHD and a host of other mental health problems that he cant focus on 2 things at once, its either his project or a job.
He owes me around 4k GBP. I don’t want him to pay me back until he is in a stable place. What I am struggling with is he refers to my money as ‘our money’ and he gets annoyed with me when I splurge by getting takeaways and taxis.
We have always been on the same page with our ‘relationship’. We never wanted it to be committed forever relationship, and we could date other people at the same time and stop the situationship if we start seriously dating someone. I havent really done that because I have major body image issues and have goals before I want to get back in the dating pool. Now, I dont think we are on the same page because he still views us as a unit. He keeps asking my to come over and hang out, and he gets sad when I say no. And the financial situation is a mess.
I just want to worry about myself and no one else. He knows I have been wanting this for so long but because he was struggling I let him live with me rent free and bills free and grocery free for like 10 months. But, even after he moved he is still relying on me financially and wants me to send him £200 a month to help with his expenses because he isn’t working.
I make an okay wage, but not good enough to support two people. I have £300 after I pay for all of my outgoings, not including grocery or travel or social life stuff. I send him the £200 I am left with £100 which doesn’t stretch at all.
Obviously then I have to borrow money off him at the end of the month for essentials, which he takes out of his savings which is currently in crypto (£10k he put in it.) Then I have to pay him back when I get my wage. Its just a never ending cycle and I am getting mad frustrated. I have spoken to my friends about it who are friends with both of us and they think I need to have a tough convo about how he is relying on me too much and its not my responsibility to financially support him, when he gives me nothing in return.
I don’t want to have it as I know it will send him into a downward spiral into depression and it will affect his project and its success. I feel like I have his whole life and future in my hands and if I have this convo about not supporting him financially anymore and I feel so guilty because I have a wage and he doesn’t and technically I am better off than he is because I have a job.
I just get really frustrated that he still views us as a unit. I didn’t sign up for this and he knows it. Every time I mention it he just stays quiet and then I feel uncomfortable so then I backpedal and give him what he wants. I feel under appreciated iated and I feel like a Sugar Momma which I cant afford to be 😭.
Like when he moved out, he was asking if he could take some of my stuff because I have more than one, and acted like I was unreasonable when I said no. It’s my stuff! For example, I have 4 spatulas, and I love them all and use them. Maybe not all of them everyday but they do get used. He asked for one and I said no because I bought them because I wanted them and will use them and it’s my stuff.
I don’t even know what I need. I guess validation, criticism, opinions and help on what to say to him 😭😭😭😭😭
Like he is such a good lad, but I feel like communicating my boundaries to him will have negative consequences on his mental health and his life and future and I don’t want to be responsible for that. But at the same time, I cant live how I want to live because of him.
Im sorry this was all over the place. It’s the first time I’ve properly thought about it and written it down. Happy to provide more info and context because theres loaaaads.

I have been in a 4 year situationship, which is muuuuch longer than I would have ever wanted it to last. Every aspect of our lives has been entangled but we are now finally slowly becoming more independent from each other. The issue is, our financials are still so entangled and I am much better off than he is.
For the record, he is the most lovely amazing and emotionally mature person. He’s been there for me in my darkest times and lived with me when I was suffering the most intense anger swings. Im now on meds and therapy and I have been stable for the last 2 years.
He has inheritance which he used to pay for a year rent upfront as he has chosen to focus on launching a game and he has ADHD and a host of other mental health problems that he cant focus on 2 things at once, its either his project or a job.
He owes me around 4k GBP. I don’t want him to pay me back until he is in a stable place. What I am struggling with is he refers to my money as ‘our money’ and he gets annoyed with me when I splurge by getting takeaways and taxis.
We have always been on the same page with our ‘relationship’. We never wanted it to be committed forever relationship, and we could date other people at the same time and stop the situationship if we start seriously dating someone. I havent really done that because I have major body image issues and have goals before I want to get back in the dating pool. Now, I dont think we are on the same page.
I just want to worry about myself and no one else. He knows I have been wanting this for so long but because he was struggling I let him live with me rent free and bills free and grocery free for like 10 months. But, even after he moved he is still relying on me financially and wants me to send him £200 a month to help with his expenses because he isn’t working.
I make an okay wage, but not good enough to support two people. I have £300 after I pay for all of my outgoings, not including grocery or travel or social life stuff. I send him the £200 I am left with £100 which doesn’t stretch at all.
Obviously then I have to borrow money off him at the end of the month for essentials, which he takes out of his savings which is currently in crypto (£10k be put in it.) Then I have to pay him back when I get my wage. Its just a never ending cycle and I am getting mad frustrated. I have spoken to my friends about it who are friends with both of us and they think I need to have a tough convo about how he is relying on me too much and its not my responsibility to financially support him, when he gives me nothing in return.
I don’t want to have it as I know it will send him into a downward spiral into depression and it will affect his project and its success. I feel like I have his whole life and future in my hands and if I have this convo about not supporting him financially anymore and I feel so guilty because I have a wage and he doesn’t and technically I am better off than he is because I have a job.
I just get really frustrated that he still views us as a unit. I didn’t sign up for this and he knows it. Every time I mention it he just stays quiet and then I feel uncomfortable so then I backpedal and give him what he wants. I feel under appreciated iated and I feel like a Sugar Momma which I cant afford to be 😭.
Like when he moved out, he was asking if he could take some of my stuff because I have more than one, and acted like I was unreasonable when I said no. It’s my stuff! For example, I have 4 spatulas, and I love them all and use them. Maybe not all of them everyday but they do get used. He asked for one and I said no because I bought them because I wanted them and will use them and it’s my stuff. Am I unreasonable for that?
I don’t even know what I need. I guess validation, opinions and help on what to say to him 😭😭😭😭😭
Like he is such a good lad, but I feel like communicating my boundaries to him will have negative consequences on his mental health and his life and future and I don’t want to be responsible for that. But at the same time, I cant live how I want to live because of him.

So I filed for chapter 7 on the 16th of this month (May) and I have my 341 meeting set to June 18th 2024. I'm going to try not to be long winded about this. I filed because a debt collector of which I made a payment agreement with ( title loan) got a garnishment against me and I couldn't afford to have my wages garnished. I moved to Florida to get sober in 2021 from MD and I have no one but myself to depend on. The car that the title loan was for is of high sentimental valve since me and my son "built" it and that was the last good memory I have with him so I wanted to keep it as something to give to him.
I have gotten 2 reaffirm letters from both Onemain financial and bridgecrest ( my daily driver). The one main isn't really that bad and gives me a way to pay off the debt which isn't too bad (155 a month 0% interest) but the bridgecrest one is horrible and keeping me at my current payment.
I've decided to sell the bmw ( onemain) and more than likely let genesis go (bridgecrest) but I'm afraid that I won't get approved for another car if I let the genesis go and I need to drive to get to work and doordash. I only have myself down here and if I finance another car I can afford 450 a month on the car.
To my question 1. Is my life over? Cause it feels like everything is being taken from me at this point. 2. What are the chances of getting into a similar car while my bankruptcy is open? ( the only reason is because my genesis has been the most reliable car I've ever owned and im dead set on getting another one) 3. How do I recover from this? 4. Does it actually get better?
I'm 40 and rebuilding my life after alcoholism ( 3 yrs sober)and I cannot go back to MD. I really want this to work out but I'm honestly terrified..........
Thanks in advance

Please be polite with responses, I'm honestly not trying to be a jerk or glorify the Batka, I was there during the protests and it was shocking how the police acted so I get it. But what I'm saying is. When in my personal life experiences, after living both places I compare life in the US or western Europe to Belarus, I like Belarus much more.
I'm a German-American, my grandparents were German immigrants to the USA. My brother had moved back to Germany so I've been to Europe a number of times to visit him. Im from "the rust belt" (my city is Detroit Michigan) aptly named because there's nothing here but crime, poverty, abandoned buildings and drug addiction.
In 2017 is when i first started going to Europe to visit my brother and see the continent. I stopped in Frankfurt and you leave the train station and theres just homeless people and heroin addicts lining up and down the street, sleeping standing up, some looking like they are about to die. You turn left and go one block and you are in the "red light district" with a bunch of hollow eyed broken young women standing outside apartment buildings And ready to sell their body for 40 euros. I went to darmstadt to visit my brother and you get off at the train station and go out the exit to the right, and there's a camp of migrants from Africa, all laying around drinking bottles of alcohol and screaming loudly and aggressively, France the same way, at any moment in Paris or Dijon, aggressive migrants can demand cigarettes or money, it was entirely shocking to me to see in Paris people I assume were native French, quiet as a mouse, eyes pointed at the ground, trying to avoid catching anyone's attention. And it's the same in the USA, violent crime is so out of control that living in cities or using public transportation is impossible, unless you live in like a gated community that damn near doubles as like a fortress with private security life in many major cities in the US is horrible.
Then I met my Wife, a Belarusian, we settled in Minsk, had a child, lived there until the war started and my bank card from the US stopped working so I couldn't access my money. We then moved to Georgia, and began the green card process and got my daughter her dual citizenship and second (American) passport. I was in Minsk when Mike Pompeo came and Orban and Lukashenko was kind of taunting Putin by saying he will bring Trump to Belarus next and move into the US orbit. I was there for Covid, the election. The protests.
All of my friends despised Lukashenko aside from one or 2, and I saw first hand the public outcry. And I never understood it, to me, when I compare Belarus to America or Europe, Belarus seems the best country in the world. Safe, clean, my daughter could actually go outside and play and there was no fear of like a drive by shooting or some other craziness like in the USA. I understand the desire for freedom, but after living in the US, EU, and Belarus. I came to feel that there is a different kind of freedom in Belarus. There is not the freedom to talk badly about the president, a guy you'll never met or interact with. But there is freedom not to go bankrupt from medical bills, there is freedom of movement because public transportation is cheap and reliable.
My wife and I moved to the USA, I got my old job back. In Belarus I had been doing online work and a few side hustles here and there and I made about 1200 a month from my job, and I had some apps that reward you for say doing quizzes and surveys for business and you can make 1 dollar and 50 cents a day, so like 50 a month and I had 2 or 3 different ones each giving us 50 a month. My wife was getting either 200 or 250 rubles a month for her child pension for having a baby and before that had been making about 200 dollars a month at her teaching job, plus was doing private tutoring lessons making about 400 a month in total. Our bills combined, food, housing etc. Was only around 500 a month, and this was with living a rather extravagant lifestyle, much more then just the basics. We were able to save enough to go on trips to Egypt, Turkey, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Italy, Spain.
We come back to the USA I'm making 5,500 a month, it's a fairly high wage. But I pay 2,000 in rent, 1200 for 3 health insurance( the cheapest available, turns out it basically doesn't cover anything) 250 for dental insurance, 500 for car payment,300 for car insurance, 1000 for day care, and 500 for heat and gas. Once we add in groceries each week I'm left with nothing. My wife needed an ultrasound for some reproductive issues a couple weeks ago, even with insurance they charged us 2500 dollars, and the worst part is they didn't even do anything, did the ultrasound, told us what we already knew, didn't provide any help, and send a letter demanding money.
The US health system is really like that meme where the one Wojack says " my stomach hurts really badly" then the chad doctor says " your lying. OK pay me 50,000"
Because of all this stuff, my wife started a tiktok where she does videos comparing life in the USA to life in Belarus/Russia/Ukraine and the entire comment section is filled with Slavic speakers who have never been to America saying it's all lies and America is awesome, "why don't you return to your fucking Russia ?" Well, we are, we are in the process of returning now, because life is so much better in Belarus then here.
Sorry for how long winded this us, but it's important to understand my background with Belarus to understand why I don't have problems with the Belarusian government. Now I'm not Belarusian, so I'm of course not trying to command the Belarusian people, I just feel that if Belarus became like western Europe or the US alot of people would end up regretting it, and that if you experienced both Belarus and the USA you might really begin to appreciate Belarus more and resent change.
Tldr: An American immigrant to Belarus that feels Belarus is like a paradise compared to the west. Safe, clean, orderly, low cost of living, better quality food instead of the American mcslop with extra high fructose corn syrup and concentrated soy, better medicine, daycare, a government that actually makes it easy to start a family. And I don't understand why people hate the government so much, they are all dictatorships that ignore whatever the people say. Ireland right now the government did several referendums on lgbtq stuff and migration. 70% of the people vote no. Government says too bad and does it anyways. It's the same in the USA, our government does not represent or care or listen to the peoples interests. The billionaires pick who will be in charge, and then just switch the faces every 4 or 8 years, buy the policies of the government never change, no matter how hard people vote. There is legal bribery ( it's called lobbying) and then the politicians do whatever the billionaire that bribed them the most wants

[First] [Previous]

Thank you u/abrachoo for the meme.

Transcription Subject: Takke, Venlil/Unemployed
Date [standardized human time]: February 26, 2137
Nervously, I walked towards the soon-to-be-opened restaurant, ‘The Orangery.’ I have been jobless for a month now, and I might have to go back to living with my parents if I can’t find any work soon. I really have to nail this interview. Relax, you have experience in this line of work, you got this. I checked one last time if my black fur was still neatly combed and clean before I knocked on the door and opened it slowly. “Hello, may I enter?”
“Depends, are you here for the interview?”
“Yes?”
“Good, come in. You’re the first, and I want to keep this quick.” I opened the door fully and saw a tattered-looking venlil, covered in scars from head to toe, sitting at one of the tables. “Are you coming?,” he asked, impatience at my hesitation marrying his tone. I swallowed and made my way over to the table. He idly gestured to the seat as he went over a list. “Name?”
“My name is Takke, but most people call me Tak.” I gave a formal greeting with my tail, expecting him to do the same. The man, however, simply leafed through a stack of papers while searching for something.
“Takke…22 years old…2 years of experience as a waiter and 3 as a cook,” he read from my resume, not paying me any attention. This man clearly has predator disease; I hope he isn’t my boss and is simply HR, although I doubt it.
“Sorry, what is your name, sir?” He continued reading my resume for several more seconds, completely ignoring me.
“Gilt.” After several minutes of awkward silence, he spoke up again, “Do you have a problem with working with humans?”
“Ye-what, why do I need to work with humans? They wouldn’t go to a salad restaurant, right?” I suppose I could if I only have to serve one once in a while, and if they don’t get aggressive.
“I’m no bigot, anyone can eat here…and maybe you could come into contact with a human in other ways,” Gilt said, moving his ears and tail in discomfort.
“Other ways?” I asked with concern.
“Oh, you know, perhaps…a delivery guy! Yes, a delivery guy could be human, you should be able to pick up food, from a delivery man, no matter if he’s a human, venlil or other.”
“To answer your question, mister Gilt, I am open to working with humans,” I half-heartedly lied.
“Good!” he exclaimed, waging his tail slightly. “And now for the final question, how desperate are you?”
“I’m sorry? I don’t follow.”
“How desperate are you for this job?”
This is starting to sound like a…”Quite, sir, to be honest. Why do you-?“
Gilt cut me off before I could finish my sentence, “Good, you’re hired.” He suddenly leaned forward and grabbed my paw for some reason, shaking it vigorously. “Your first day is overmorrow at second claw, you will be oriented then. Here are the keys. And sign this contract.” He quickly pushed a contract towards me. After a quick glance over it’s contents, I signed it, not having much choice but to work for this crazed man. Well, I could always go and live with my mother again, although I’d rather not. It’s not that I don’t love her, but she doesn’t have any sense of privacy, and I’ve gotten quite used to living on my own.
“Thank you mister Gilt, I will not let you down.”
“Yeah, yeah, now let’s move it, I still have to buy a lot of furniture at the thrift store,” he said all while pushing me towards the door, before suddenly pausing to think for a moment. “But only quality furniture of course, because this a legitimate place, with quality furniture,” Gilt said as he resumed pushing me out of the restaurant.
As we exited, a white venlil with blond spots walked up to Gilt. “Hello, I am here for the interview.”
“Go away, we already got someone,” Gilt snapped at the spotted venlil.
“Hi, is this the Orangery?” a second venlil asked, walking up towards Gilt.
“No, go away!”
Transcription Subject: Takke, Venlil waitecook
Date [standardized human time]: February 28, 2137
The Orangery stood on the far edge of the shopping centre, out where people only ever came for a specific store or locale. It stood snug in between a groomer salon and a rare tailor, something that had become more popular lately with the arrival of the humans.
Entering the shop, I was greeted by a strange collection of furniture one could politely call ‘colourful.’ No table was the same, only a few chairs had a matching other counterpart, and when they did, they were not even always placed at the same table. It could have been done as an artistic choice, but I’m not sure it was. On the walls hung framed pictures of green rolling hills, often displaying strange grazing animals that had an uncanny resemblance to a venlil, but quadrupedal and bearing a nose. On the counter —near the entrance— stood a plush version of one of these animals. Weirdly enough this version had its eyes facing more forward than those on the pictures, looking nearly as though it had binocular vision. Another strange detail was that there were several potted plants placed throughout the restaurant. Keeping plants inside is not something usually done in venlil culture, usually reserved to only a couple of species. Gojids and kolshians, most notably.
Passing the strange decorations and furniture, I took a look at the well-stocked bar. What was noticeably, some of the bottles only contained a measly 6% alcohol. Should I be expecting other species too?
The kitchen was fairly normal, the only thing out of place being that the wares were oddly big, as though they were made for a larger species. The most notable proof of this was the apron hanging from a hook. There were 3 words printed on it in a language that I did not recognize. I guessed that it was for a nevok considering the size of it. Why would a nevok be working here, don’t they usually charge much more then other species? Perhaps a takkan, there are not that many bipedal species that are this big. Now I think about it, I have no idea with how many people I’m going to work with, or anything about this company to begin with. I thought as I put on the oversized apron, the bottom hanging so low that it almost became a tripping hazard. I began taking inventory of everything in the kitchen so that I would know where everything was before I would officially start.
The chime above the door must have rung, but I was too focused on taking inventory to process what I heard. A creeping sensation came over me, and I saw a large, looming thing from the corner of my eye. I quickly spun around with a jump and saw that a massive human was standing in the doorframe. I quickly concluded that it was a man, as it was clearly missing the enlarged mammalians human females had, and it definitely had the increased muscle mass that some of the males had. He was even bigger then the humans I had seen and avoided in the streets; he had to have ducked to fit through the doorframe. This must be one of those ‘alpha males’ I have read about. His face bore a matte white mask. It was made out of some thick plastic like it was meant to protect his face, it was featureless, except for small holes around the mouth and 2 larger holes for the eyes, each complete with tinted glass covering.
Those 2 eye holes bore into me; I couldn’t move while he stood there looking at me as I was further backed into a corner, the human blocking both exists. “Sorry that I’m late, the bus had to take a detour due to an accident. I’m Maarten, I’m going to orient you into your new job,” it said with a low grumbling voice, while I stood flabbergasted from what he just said.
“Y-you must be mistaken sir, this is the Orangery, we serve salads. I work for Gilt,” I said, pulling all my courage together to get this predator out of the restaurant.
“I know. Gilt is my business partner, we both own this restaurant. Er, well he’s the one who signed the lease contract, but still.” He stood still for a moment, presumably thinking, but I couldn’t read any emotion from him. Without a tail or ear movement, and the mask obstructed any facial expression the human could possibly make. “Wait, let me guess, Gilt never told you that you would be working with or for a human?”
I gave an ear flick that signed ‘no.’ In return, Maarten dragged a hand over his mask and let out a drawn out sigh.
“Of course he didn’t. Takke was it, right? Could you please hand me my apron? So I can get started on showing you the ropes.” I began to undo the strap on the back as fast as I could, not wanting to be seen as stealing the fake pelt of a predator. “I can’t believe someone from the cooking store at the refugee centre had ordered a bunch of aprons saying ‘Bite the cook.’” At that, he began making a barking noise that my translator told me was laughter. I hastily took off the apron and threw it on the ground like it was on fire. I cursed myself for possibly angering him. He simply grabbed the apron off the ground and took a good look at my name tag that was still attached to the apron. His emotionless mask stared at it for a few moments. “T...A…K? Is that correct?”
“Y-yes, that is what everyone calls me. How did you read that? Almost no one but venlil can read Venlilian.”
“I have been here for months, of course I picked some up. Having to use a visual translator for everything is getting…tiring. Anyway-“ He walked over to a cabinet that hung low enough for him to look onto it with ease and grabbed a venlil-sized apron. “-This one is yours,” he said as he threw it directly into my paws.
“I bought a cookbook and a whole ton of Earth vegetables, that way we can be the only restaurant in town that serves human food. Well, there was this food truck selling burritos, but still. And don’t worry, the salads won’t contain any predatory stuff, that’s illegal. That means, no: meat, milk, cheese [pasteurized milk], honey [insect puke], eggs, or mayonnaise [condiment made from eggs].” I was bewildered by how casually Maarten summed up a list of the most grotesque things one could eat like it was the most normal thing in the world, and unfortunately my translator did its work perfectly in explaining what each item was. I know humans call themselves omnivores, but I didn’t think they meant it this literally. “Actually, I’m not sure if honey is illegal, I have to look that up.”
“I…I thought humans didn’t eat animals any more and only ate lab grown flesh.”
“Only the rich still do. Oh, you mean the eggs and mayonnaise. Don’t worry, the translator messes up on that one.” Oh good, it’s some fake lab-grown eggs like their flesh-food. Maarten leaned against the freezer as he leafed through the cookbook, as he nonchalantly spoke, “The eggs are not fertilized, so their’s no baby bird inside.” What?!
“How can you even tell that they’re unfertilized? And how do you get to the eggs in the first place, do you just grab them out of a nest?” I was getting a bit shaken by the sudden reveal. The humans on television were always portrayed as extremely kind-hearted beings that would never hurt another creature. We were constantly told that they had overcome their predatory nature, and now this one is telling me they still eat other animals eggs like it was nothing. And what was that about drinking milk? From who? Their own? Or is it from cattle? VENLIL?
“No, it’s not like we go hunting for them, we just keep this bird called chicken [nearly flightless predator bird] that we keep as livestock [cattle], they lay eggs when we give them a lot of food.” I’m going to faint, what next, humans actually do want to keep us as cattle? I began supporting myself on the counter to stabilize myself a bit. “Hey, are you alright? Shit, I told you too much, didn’t I?”
“No, I’m fine, that was just a lot to progress,” I half-heartily lied.
“I suppose I treated you too much like a human,” he says with a deep sigh. “If it makes you feel any better, I have not eaten any of those ‘predatory’ foods since I arrived here on Skalga, not even meat. How about this, we’re just going to cook, no more talking about predatory stuff. It’s just you, me, a bunch of vegetables, fruits and knives,” he said, finishing off with an awkward cough.
[Fast-forwarding by 5 hours]
“-the krakotl exterminator kept trying to fly high enough to reach the feline predator, but she kept failing due to the high gravity. Her venlil partner kept telling her to get a ladder, but that only angered her even more,” I said with a hardy laugh. Maarten joined in, his barking laugh sparked only a little fear. His canines were fully exposed too, as I had asked him to take off his mask since it had prevented me from reading any of his emotions. I’m starting to understand those human sympathizers, they’re big and scary looking with their predatory looks and behaviour, but they’re clearly people.
“They’re exterminators, why didn’t they just burn the tree down?”
“Not only was that some holy tree from a group of gojid’s who worship the protector, but they also have new rules. According to that venlil exterminator, they’re no longer allowed to burn human pets. Instead, they have to catch them and bring them back!”
“Bloody [blood covered] hell [punishment afterlife], they’ve turned into some shitty version of animal control.” Maarten’s stomach growled, which startled me for a moment. “I could eat a horse [large prey, grazer]. How about you, shall we eat some of this stuff?” I wish he would stop saying stuff like that.
I grabbed one of the many bowls of salad we had made. The one I choose was one made with a strange yellow scaled fruit called a pineapple. The recipes were in the most part fairly simple, although some things had a finesse to it that I still had to practice. On top of that was remembering the exact combinations and how to make the dressing and the ‘vegan’ mayonnaise. Good thing that Maarten leaves the recipe book here for me to use, even if I have to use a visual translator to read it.
I placed my bowl down at one of the many tables when I saw a piece of paper sticking out of the front door. Someone had slotted it in from outside, and it was now jammed in-between the doorframe and the door itself. Looking closer, it was made from the same paper as they make flyers, and the same size too, however, what was on it was anything but advertising.
It was a collage of photos. All of them had humans on them posing for the camera, most of which held a gun of some sort. What was more shocking was what else was on the photos. Several animals, but all dead, save for the few canine predators sitting besides their owner. I did not recognize the animals, but what was disturbing was that they more often than not looked like people from the Federation. One looked like a male Sulean with a brown fur instead of black and white, and another as well like a sulean but without the antlers. The third looked like a small sivkit, and another photo had a species that looks like a mazic with massive tusks.
I trembled in horror as to what I was seeing, when suddenly it was snatched out of my paws by Maarten as he came up from behind, looming over me. He crumbled the paper up while he grumbled something about Humanity First messing up relations. He was about to throw it into the trash as he suddenly changed his mind and instead stuffed it into his pocket. I didn’t know anymore if I wanted to work for a human. Then again, where else was I going to work?
A/N:
As always I really appreciate comments, it gives a lot more satisfaction than a few up arrows.
A special thanks to u/InstantSquirrelSoup for proofreading. Check out his fic: Arxur Hospitality.
A quick thanks to aMANTEIGAdo for the Liiry fanart
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While I was living in my car on the street because of poor financial decisions, I also had $40,000 in debt. When I looked at the total debt, I thought I’d never reach the moment where I repaid my debts. It was too big of an amount, and I had no income. Plus, I was homeless. My first concern was getting off the street and never returning to it.

Before repaying my debt

Once I got off the street and started receiving an income, I knew I had to build a savings account to avoid being homeless again. The reason I ended up homeless is because I didn’t have a safety net once my income stopped. To ensure I never ended up on the street again, I saved for an emergency fund and 6 months of essential expenses—mortgage/rent, utilities and food.
The emergency account should be at least $500 but preferably $2,000 to cover unforeseen expenses such as a burst water pipe or roof repairs. I planned to use the savings for the essential expenses only if my income stopped. Fortunately, that never happened.
It’s all good and well to dedicate any savings you have to paying off debt first, but what if your income stops?
What use was paying off the debt when you didn’t ensure you protected the roof over your head and had food to put in your belly for 6 months?
For me, it was crucial to have an emergency fund and 6 months of essential expenses before dedicating any additional funds to paying off my debts.

The first debt I paid

Although some financial gurus suggest paying off your smallest debt first, I chose to pay off my vehicle finance first. My car monthly expenses were more than 30% of my income, and I figured if I didn’t have those expenses, I could dedicate that money to the smallest debt.
While I was living in my car on the street because of poor financial decisions, I also had $40,000 in debt. When I looked at the total debt, I thought I’d never reach the moment where I repaid my debts. It was too big of an amount, and I had no income. Plus, I was homeless. My first concern was getting off the street and never returning to it.

Before repaying my debt

Once I got off the street and started receiving an income, I knew I had to build a savings account to avoid being homeless again. The reason I ended up homeless is because I didn’t have a safety net once my income stopped. To ensure I never ended up on the street again, I saved for an emergency fund and 6 months of essential expenses—mortgage/rent, utilities and food.
The emergency account should be at least $500 but preferably $2,000 to cover unforeseen expenses such as a burst water pipe or roof repairs. I planned to use the savings for the essential expenses only if my income stopped. Fortunately, that never happened.
It’s all good and well to dedicate any savings you have to paying off debt first, but what if your income stops?
What use was paying off the debt when you didn’t ensure you protected the roof over your head and had food to put in your belly for 6 months?
For me, it was crucial to have an emergency fund and 6 months of essential expenses before dedicating any additional funds to paying off my debts.

The first debt I paid

Although some financial gurus suggest paying off your smallest debt first, I chose to pay off my vehicle finance first. My car monthly expenses were more than 30% of my income, and I figured if I didn’t have those expenses, I could dedicate that money to the smallest debt.
My car was repossessed because I failed to make payments and then sold at an auction. But the selling price was lower than what I owed on the vehicle finance. And I also had to pay the storage, administration and auction fees.
After I paid the vehicle finance, I didn’t buy another car. That meant I had no gas, repairs, maintenance, registration and other expenses associated with car ownership.
If you work remotely or live in a city offering efficient public transport, you likely don’t need a car.
The average car payment for a used vehicle in the US in 2022 was $500 and $700 for a new vehicle. That excludes gas and other expenses to drive it. Considering 60% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, not having car expenses means they go from having nothing at the end of the month to having savings.
That’s a game changer for most Americans and the reason I harp on not owning a vehicle unless you use it to generate an income.
My car was repossessed in 2017, and I haven’t owned one since. I’ve got cash to buy a car, but I’m not even considering that option until I have a net worth of at least $1 million. Why would I choose a liability over an asset?
Many people’s obsession with cars is one of the major causes of their financial struggles.

The debt I repaid following the vehicle finance

I saved a significant amount of money because I wasn’t a vehicle owner, so I dedicated that money to the smallest debt. The whole point of paying debt is to do it as quickly as possible. You don’t want to drag out the debt repayment over a long period because you could lose the motivation to carry on.
Or worse, you could lose your income. Then, even if you want to pay debt, you won’t be in a position to. Your risk increases with time. So it’s in your interest to pay off the debt as soon as possible.
The reason I tackled the smallest debt after paying the vehicle finance is that I wanted to build more momentum. Paying off one debt did wonders for my confidence. It showed me that I can pay everything off if I remain disciplined.
The smallest debt was the quickest to pay off, and it boosted my momentum to pay off the second-smallest one.

The last debt I repaid

I repaid my biggest debt last. It took a few years, but it was worth it. I remember the moment I paid it. My shoulders lightened, and the tension in my head eased. I no longer had to worry about receiving phone calls from lawyers, threatening to garnish my wages or blacklist me.
I was liberated. It was an amazing feeling, and I promised myself to never take out debt again.
Three things that helped me to expedite my journey to pay my debts were living the minimalist lifestyle, not taking out new debt while paying off the old ones and not having car expenses after paying the vehicle finance first.

Extra tips

Anybody can get out of debt, but it requires a drastic lifestyle change. I knew that I had to reduce all my expenses and eliminate all the non-essentials. That enabled me to have more money to dedicate to debt. Eating out, buying clothes, subscriptions, vacations and similar expenses were out of the question. I was determined to pay off my debts fast.
Just because you’ve been living with debt for several years that doesn’t mean it has to be that way for the rest of your life. Take it from a guy who was homeless and $40,000 in debt. I can tell you that it’s much better to be debt-free and have $50,000 savings.
You can get there, but it’s going to require sacrifice. I knew that it was impossible for me to change my financial situation if I carried on doing things the way I had. To get different results, I had to think differently about money and then manage it better.
If you can’t manage $100, what makes you think you can manage $10,000?

I am finally leaving this job and so I can freely speak to some of you who may be interrested in going into this business/trade. Now, I will say I am Biased as I am quite sick of this business and want out ASAP. I will work as anything else other than this. How many burgers do you want me to flip? Ill even work for a garbage collectors company.
Context: - I'm european - 32 years old
Pros: Well, lets start with the good stuff. Not everything is bad.

• Somewhat easy to start but requires skill and dedication.
• XP can be obtained as a freelancer.
• Some repairs can be a fun challenge and give you a sense of pride.
• Some people/clients are genuinely gratefull that you "saved their life"...
• Tips are very rare and small but may happen.
• Good colegues will help you with jokes and support.
• Ive met a couple of fun clients that did lighted up my day from time to time.

Cons:

• Pay is not good. Minimum wage or a bit more but thats it. Used to a Gold mine but not anymore.
• You cannot sit down for like 15min without someone interrupting you. Its quite anoying because you lose your train of thought.
• Some laptops are DISGUSTING. In my 14years Ive seen a lot of sh*& inside and outside if you get what I mean.
• You want to fix Smartphones and Tablets? Welcome to HELL. 5/10 of them will have extra problems and some you can only tell by fixing the previous problem and spares are not compatible with other models. Also people break their screen and scream Warranty ("OMG! I didnt do anything...!").
• In this field, D*ck measuring is prevelent ("Im better and know more that you bc XYZ"). Usually its a client but it may happen between collegues or peope in the same field but not working with you.
• Clients. Ah...here we have the bulk. All this situations have happened more than a few times. I use "Some" bc not every client has done it but a lot of them do.

--- Some call your work phone on weekends and off hours (think midnight...now I just put it in a drawer in silent mode).
--- Some think they are always right (they are not) and we need to worship their presence and kiss their feet like the pleb we are.
--- Some will LIE blantly. Sure I believe your 5 year old grandson was watching "Naughty busty girl lets stepdad spank her with his hot rod"...tottaly true...5 years old.......
--- Some will say their equipament is slow (or whatever) and rush, trying to leave their equipament with you because "they are late". In fact, its just so you cannot test it as it is delivered and then blame you for some "unexpected" problem saying you broke it (ex.: dead motherboard, dead GPU etc...).
--- Some will refuse to pay you what was agreed and try to weasle a "mutually beneficial negotiation" (to pay less).
--- Some will make you question the pros and cons of a labotommy via screw driver because they cannot remember their facebook passwords and expect you to fix it. They most of the time will even have multiple facebook accounts and want "the one my grandson Jimmy made 2 years ago".
--- Some will install 5+ antivirus software because "more protection" even tho you told them not to not 1 week ago. Also they have loads of tabs, vírus and other shenannigans.
--- Some will say: " I have left this PC here yesterday and now its not working! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!"....they did...usually (I admit sometimes I do screw up but most of the times they were on Porn sites or started installing stuff they were not suposed to).
--- Some will say: "I want to complain. This pc was here and now its not working! I paid a lot for this!!!"... this was a year ago and they will straigh up say they did not use it for a year....bullsh*$
--- Some will say: "Thats so expensive. I can do that on my own!"... soooooo do it? Bye? Aaaaaaaaand DRAMA starts.
--- Some will deliver their stuff to you to fix and say "ok, Ill wait here for a bit. 5 minutes right? Its easy for you guys"... no...its not. This person usually also likes to be first in line skipping over other peoples repairs.
--- "My grandson says you are not correct! He is a Computer Engineer too! He took a 3 week course!"... mam...if its true he is a technician like me not an Engineer, but if he is so good you should have him fix it for you. That way its made as he likes and everyone is happy........Aaaaaaand DRAMA
--- "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????"...hi again miss Karen! (Yes...they come back for some wierd reason).
--- Some complain the other shop was less expensive. You procede to explain your price is set and if they want they may go to the other shop....aaaaaaaaaand incoming "may I speak with your manager".
--- Some sweet old people will leave you their pc. Everything is fine. Untill they sit down and...."Let me tell you the tale of my youth you wipper snapper you...you see...back in 1934 I was....." (Ooooooh GOD NO - ignore.exe has failed to start due to old operating system...restar t will take 5 hours of one sided conversation that will not stop even if asked to gently).
I could go on and on but you get the picture. TL:DR - "Low paying job that requires some skill and can be fun but will make you loose your patience, humanity, simpathy and empathy."
My honest advice: Be ready for what you've read abd know that not everything is sunshine and rainbows in this business. McDonalds sounds great compared to this...but I could be wrong.

I think this is an important story to talk about because about a year ago we've learned what she's been up to. Cierra is now a true crime podcaster who's made a name for herself. If you look up her name a Google page will pop up with all the things she's been apart of. She has been in articles, and collaborated with plenty of other podcast. She claims to have been a former police officer and detective who's now an independent consultant for cold case homicides and disappearances, specializing in cases involving serial predators and produces documentaries about cases she is investigating, she is currently serving as a civilian Special Investigator for the Mobile County Sheriff's Office major crimes squad leading the investigation into a 28-year-old cold case homicide. Here's the kicker though...you know how people will tell you to not believe everything someone tells you online?
Well that goes for her. 5 years tops. She was a cop when her son Dylan was born, which was around 2003-2004, but she got fired in 2007. Around that time Dylan's father (let's call him Mike) was a park ranger, but she was messing around with another guy (we'll call him Rory), so she got divorced from Mike, and moved in with Rory. She lived with Rory for a long time and Rory was a cop, but she ended up having to move back East because Rory started cheating on her (big surprise, i know) and kicked her out. So that's when my mom took her in and began to help her out. We had a spare bedroom where my baby brother was so we let her use that room and move in with her 2 dogs and her son.
By then she was going to online school, and during that time she married a new guy (forgot the name of him) they got divorced tho cuz he was cheating on her so it really doesn't matter. During that time she was working at a theater as the assistant to the community outreach person. Here's the thing right, all of her jobs were part time jobs because she can't have any full-time job because she has so many leans on her which basically means she owes so many people money that if she gets a full-time job they can garnish her wages, so you know you screwed over people a lot.
During the time she lived with us though, she borrowed our aunts car but she wasn't giving it back and after a while my aunt was like "I want my car back," so when Cierra went to buy her own car, my mom caught her trying to switch the license plate and put my aunt's on her new car (which is a summary offense btw) so my mom, being a naive young mom, said that she could use her license. You know what she did? She racked up thousands of dollars in tickets. My mom had to go to civil court with her. My mom ended up having to pay it anyways.
When my mom told her that she couldn't live with us and that she had to get her shit together, she moved into another house and lived on the upstairs floor. she was renting that place so by the time she moved out, her and her dogs did so much damage that the woman who owned the apartment took her to court. This is not surprising at all because when she lived with us, the room she stayed in was infested with fleas and when she moved out they began to seep their way down from her room to the basement so we had to get flea traps and completely remove the carpet from my brothers room, so l'm not surprised she got taken to court.
Also, another thing about her was the fact she NEVER walked her dogs. My mom would ask her about bringing her dogs places and she would just be like "Oh they're fine. They can be in the room" Heres the thing though. There wasnt a food bowl, no water bowl, the pomeranian she had would just hide underneath the bed while her labrador would just sit there. this room was small btw, bedroom sized, they slept in a bunkbed. Those poor dogs...
Theres a lot more I can say, but I'll leave it as this. Please please please be weary of what people say about themselves online, she is not someone to be trusted.
TL;DR a true crime "special investigator" with "a decade of service" is a fraud, a crook, and a shitty person. Was only a police officer for 5 years until she got fired, and unlike what she claims, the most action she has ever seen was when she saw a hoard of raccoons in a dumpster…

I think this is an important story to talk about because about a year ago we've learned what she's been up to. Cierra is now a true crime podcaster who's made a name for herself. If you look up her name a Google page will pop up with all the things she's been apart of. She has been in articles, and collaborated with plenty of other podcast. She claims to have been a former police officer and detective who's now an independent consultant for cold case homicides and disappearances, specializing in cases involving serial predators and produces documentaries about cases she is investigating, she is currently serving as a civilian Special Investigator for the Mobile County Sheriff's Office major crimes squad leading the investigation into a 28-year-old cold case homicide. Here's the kicker though...you know how people will tell you to not believe everything someone tells you online?
Well that goes for her. 5 years tops. She was a cop when her son Dylan was born, which was around 2003-2004, but she got fired in 2007. Around that time Dylan's father (let's call him Mike) was a park ranger, but she was messing around with another guy (we'll call him Rory), so she got divorced from Mike, and moved in with Rory. She lived with Rory for a long time and Rory was a cop, but she ended up having to move back East because Rory started cheating on her (big surprise, i know) and kicked her out. So that's when my mom took her in and began to help her out. We had a spare bedroom where my baby brother was so we let her use that room and move in with her 2 dogs and her son.
By then she was going to online school, and during that time she married a new guy (forgot the name of him) they got divorced tho cuz he was cheating on her so it really doesn't matter. During that time she was working at a theater as the assistant to the community outreach person. Here's the thing right, all of her jobs were part time jobs because she can't have any full-time job because she has so many leans on her which basically means she owes so many people money that if she gets a full-time job they can garnish her wages, so you know you screwed over people a lot.
During the time she lived with us though, she borrowed our aunts car but she wasn't giving it back and after a while my aunt was like "I want my car back," so when Cierra went to buy her own car, my mom caught her trying to switch the license plate and put my aunt's on her new car (which is a summary offense btw) so my mom, being a naive young mom, said that she could use her license. You know what she did? She racked up thousands of dollars in tickets. My mom had to go to civil court with her. My mom ended up having to pay it anyways.
When my mom told her that she couldn't live with us and that she had to get her shit together, she moved into another house and lived on the upstairs floor. she was renting that place so by the time she moved out, her and her dogs did so much damage that the woman who owned the apartment took her to court. This is not surprising at all because when she lived with us, the room she stayed in was infested with fleas and when she moved out they began to seep their way down from her room to the basement so we had to get flea traps and completely remove the carpet from my brothers room, so l'm not surprised she got taken to court.
Also, another thing about her was the fact she NEVER walked her dogs. My mom would ask her about bringing her dogs places and she would just be like "Oh they're fine. They can be in the room" Heres the thing though. There wasnt a food bowl, no water bowl, the pomeranian she had would just hide underneath the bed while her labrador would just sit there. this room was small btw, bedroom sized, they slept in a bunkbed. Those poor dogs...
Theres a lot more I can say, but I'll leave it as this. Please please please be weary of what people say about themselves online, she is not someone to be trusted.
TL;DR a true crime "special investigator" with "a decade of service" is a fraud, a crook, and a shitty person. Was only a police officer for 5 years until she got fired, and unlike what she claims, the most action she has ever seen was when she saw a hoard of raccoons in a dumpster…

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV
I am the last guard of Earth.
When the sun sets on me, it’ll set on you.
I was told that, an age ago, there were thousands of us. Protectors scattered across the world, forever casting horrors back to the black realm. For darkness can never truly be killed. Only ever kept at bay.
Fernsby often talked of a time before recorded history. Early humans were shielded by their knowledge of forces beyond our world. Gifted men and women practised spiritual arts. They formed the Guard. An order founded on the basis of standing against the darkness which had long consumed the Earth.
For millennia, the Guard brought life into the light. We no longer bent to the whims of horrid beings from the hungry world adjacent to ours.
However, as is nature’s way, prosperity invited growth. Humans multiplied. People spread to even farther corners of the Earth, and the threads which bound all tribes started to thin. Many people failed to teach their descendents of the Guard. They forgot about the spiritual world. The black realm became nothing but a ghost story.
And then it became nothing at all.
Over the following centuries, the once-mighty order of Earth’s guards shrank from thousands to hundreds. From hundreds to dozens. Men instead waged wars under the banners of individuals, and they abandoned the one true war against the darkness.
By the twenty-first century, only Whitlock remained. The man who gave me this gift — this curse. After he was gone, Fernsby spun fresh fables of the Guard for my yearning ears, but I still felt alone. She was devoted to the order, but she was not splintered.
I know I must start from the beginning, but that feels like dreaming of an alternate self.
Eight years ago, Evie and I moved to an island off the coast of England. Newly married and driven by naivety.
We docked at a humble wooden pier, which was held together by rotten beams and misplaced faith. With a youthful spring in my step, I dropped onto the makeshift dock and ignored the disapproving groan of its ancient planks. And then I delicately lifted my wife over the edge of the small ferry, softly pecking her lips as we embraced.
“This feels like home,” She softly said.
I smiled. “It does. We belong here.”
There was an elderly man at the end of the modest pier. He wore a well-ironed police uniform and an unpractised smile — beaming from a face that hadn’t known joy for a long time. But I thought little of his sullen expression. Evie and I were surprised to see anybody waiting for us. We hadn’t expected a welcoming party — even a party of one.
“I’m Chief Constable Arthur Whitlock. Kane Foster?” The man broadly asked, extending a calloused hand.
I nodded, shaking it. “Yes, that’s me. It’s lovely to meet you, Arthur. This is my wife, Evie.”
“Pleasure to meet you both,” The man said, eyeing me strangely. “Welcome to the island.”
It was a nondescript isle in the North Sea. At first glance, no more than a sleepy haven. I was an unobservant boy. My eyesight has worsened over the years, but I see so much more clearly. I’m thirty-six, and I feel twice that age. On the day of my arrival, however, I was young. Mind boundlessly optimistic. Face fresher than the stiff boots on my feet.
“Look at this place, Kane!” Evie gasped.
Whitlock kindly drove us to our new home, and we admired the island from the passenger windows. The main town was quintessentially British, in a modern sense — rows of branded shopfronts and supermarkets desperately tried to tie the forgotten isle to the twenty-first century. I didn’t care about any of that. It was the isolated setting of the idyllic place which set it apart from the mainland. It would be Evie and me. Nobody and nothing else. That was all we wanted.
Our mouths hung loosely as our household appeared on the horizon. We’d seen pictures, of course, but no photo did it justice. The eyes of young lovers may have romanticised the view, of course, but the building was a spectacle. A striking three-storey farmhouse at the outer rim of town. And it belonged to us. Neighbouring farmlands bordered the property on all four sides, but we had abundant space. For the first time in years, I would actually be able to breathe.
“So, the farming life beckoned you?” Whitlock asked.
“Aye,” I said.
“You’ve chosen a rough season to start,” The man replied.
I shrugged, cheerily eyeing Evie. “It’ll be a challenge, but we’ve been through worse. Not that Evie ever shies away from hardship. This one thrives with her back against the wall.”
“So do you,” My wife whispered, chuckling as she suggestively raised an eyebrow.
I stifled laughter, but Whitlock either missed or ignored the comment.
“Are you prepared?” The police officer asked. “I’ve lived here for fifteen years. Don’t let appearances deceive you. Island life is not like country life. It’s brutal. Unrelenting. This isle is no more than a glorified ship. We’re stranded at sea, fending for ourselves.”
I nodded politely, believing Whitlock to be needlessly theatrical.
“We’ve been through tougher things,” I repeated.
“I don’t doubt it, corporal,” Whitlock replied.
My stomach tensed, and Evie’s fingers clenched mine. Whitlock briefly glimpsed me in the rear-view mirror, before returning his eyes to the road ahead.
“Sorry, Mr Foster. It’s my duty to vet newcomers. I protect every last person on this island,” He explained.
I shifted my eyes downwards. “I understand, but I’m no corporal anymore. I’d rather forget those days.”
“Which regiment?” Whitlock pressed, lacking any semblance of social etiquette.
I sighed. “The Duke of Lancaster.”
“And why did you leave?” He asked.
“Listen, we really appreciate the warm welcome, sir,” Evie interjected. “But Kane doesn’t like talking about that part of his life. It was an obligation forced upon him. He never really wanted to be a soldier.”
“Only fools do, Mrs Foster,” The man whispered.
Whitlock rolled the car to a stop at the entrance to our farmhouse. Expressing uncomfortable gratitude, Evie and I hurriedly collected our belongings. I waited until the police cruiser was halfway down the dirt track to speak.
“What an idiot,” I muttered.
Evie smiled, rubbing my back. “It’s over now, honey. You’ll only have to see him… well, every single time you leave the house, knowing what small-town officers are like.”
“Huh. Good point. We shouldn’t ever leave the house then,” I grinned, lifting my giggling wife off the porch and carrying her across the threshold.
We had nothing to our name but four walls and a roof. Years of savings had been poured into that fresh start. After enduring the horror of serving my country, farming provided an opportunity to find peace.
War, however, always seems to find me.
The first year on the island was a struggle, but we quickly learnt the ropes of farming. The following year, our crop yield improved, as did our standing in the community. Even Whitlock, over time, became more of a bemusing grandfatherly figure than a grouchy recluse. I found our new existence a little strange at first, but I quickly adjusted — quickly switched off. And Evie could teach Geography anywhere, so she was more than happy. If I could’ve lived that life until my dying day, I would’ve been buried with a smile.
That life — the only real life I’ve ever lived — lasted for two years. Two cruelly brief years.
On an evening of belligerent rain and thunder, I pulled into Jerry’s petrol station. A rest-stop that bridged the gap between the main town and our farmhouse. Usually, the jolly owner would emerge from his shop to greet me. On this fearsome night, he did not appear, but I didn't blame him — the weather was vile. Still, I did find it a little peculiar to see a brightly-lit shop area with an unattended till. Though he received little custom, Jerry practically lived behind the counter.
He must be taking a break, I decided.
As I fiddled with the petrol pump, rain soaked my clothes and chilled my flesh. Even the canopy for the station’s pumps didn’t shield me from the near-horizontal downpour. Once my car’s tank was full, I repeatedly tapped the drenched self-checkout touchscreen. It didn’t register my finger. Every time I dried the screen with my jacket’s sleeve, a fresh curtain of water coated it seconds later.
“Come on,” I huffed.
A sudden crash sounded.
Jolting backwards fearfully, my credit card flew from my hand, landing in a puddle. Once I’d overcome the initial shock, I was surprised that I’d heard anything over the booming weather. Curious, I peered around the petrol pump, and I saw that the store’s power was out.
“Jerry?” I called.
My voice was drowned by a pistol-whip of thunder. Something about the lightless shop filled me with unease. I wish I’d driven home, grabbed Evie, and fled to the mainland. Foolishly, however, I crept towards the shopfront — propelled by a wilful breeze. The canopy’s fluorescent lights cast enough light for me to distinguish a faint outline in one of the aisles. A man was kneeling on the floor, hunching over something. And when I reached the automatic double doors, I was surprised to find that they opened.
It can't be a power cut, I realised.
“Jerry?” I called again.
The man didn’t turn. He continued to kneel, making an awful munching noise. The visceral sound of unnatural chewing. I could’ve assumed the man to be a thief, but I recognised that red, chequered shirt. It was definitely Jerry.
What’s he eating? I wondered. Is he okay?
The automatic doors closed behind me, and the rain became a muted, distant backdrop. Seeing no more than a few feet ahead of me, I walked through the silent shopfront towards the man on his knees. When I reached him, I crouched down and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Jerry, what are you doing?” I asked.
In a sudden snap that sent me sprawling backwards, the man’s head twisted – twisted beyond bodily limits. And he revealed the source of the feasting.
The owner was eating shards of glass.
Jerry sat in a pile of shattered tube fragments, and I looked above to see a burst light fixture.
“I like the feeling of it...” He panted in a garbled, barely-audible voice.
Jerry leant forwards, inching out of the shadows. His face was finally illuminated by the lighting from the outdoor shelter.
And it was not a face at all.
Holes tunnelled through the cavities that should have revealed his eyeballs and mouth, but those openings instead continued to the other side of his head.
I wailed, scrambling to my feet, and Jerry inexplicably rose in mirrored unison – as if I were puppeteering him.
Is he puppeteering me? I fearfully wondered.
The man howled, widening the tunnel that had been burrowed through the back of his mouth, revealing the blackened shopfront beyond. Without waiting for an explanation, I turned on my heel and sprinted to the exit.
As the two doors parted, I returned to the weighted blanket of a thunderous night. And I immediately noticed that a vehicle was parked alongside mine — a police cruiser. Beside it, Arthur Whitlock was standing in the rain with a bulky, grey pistol raised.
“MOVE!” He yelled over the downpour.
Driven by a soldier’s instinct, rather than conscious thought, I dropped to my knees.
There sounded a crack more deafening than thunder. I shuddered at the cold familiarity of a gunshot. With my head between my hands, and sodden jeans pressed into a puddle, I momentarily returned to Nigeria in my traumatised mind. It took a while for Whitlock’s voice to permeate my thoughts.
“Kane?” He shouted over the rain. “Are you hurt?”
I looked up at the man and silently shook my head, before turning to face the store behind me. I expected to see a slaughtered man — or once-man — lying in the puddle outside the doorway, but I did not. Jerry’s hellish form was hobbling into the forest, oozing a silky, shadowy substance from the headless stump that Whitlock had created.
“Quickly,” The officer said, grabbing my arm to pull me to my feet. “It might come back.”
We climbed into my car and eyed the rainy windscreen for a few quiet minutes.
“What was that?” I eventually whispered.
“Not Jerry,” Whitlock eventually said. “It was the thing that killed Jerry. It needs a host to remain in our world, and it forever flits from rotting corpse to rotting corpse.”
“Jerry didn’t have a face…” I mumbled.
“It wasn’t Jerry,” Whitlock repeated. “There is a world beyond ours, Kane. I wish you hadn’t seen that. However…”
The man ruffled his grey beard thoughtfully. “We’ve become close, Kane. Is it fair to say that?”
“What?” I asked, still not entirely present. “Aye. We’re friends… You were a little abrasive at first.”
“Abrasive?” He grunted. “You will soon see what I’ve seen, and you’ll understand. After all, you must take my place. You’re splintered.”
“Pardon?” I questioned.
“You carry it in your eyes, mostly,” Whitlock explained. “Splintering is a birth-defect. The tell is an innate look. I saw it on the day you arrived. You were always broken, weren’t you, Kane? Long before you fought for your country.”
I turned away, eyeing the woods from my side window. I thought Whitlock to be a madman.
The man continued. “It’s not purely about strength or intelligence. It’s not even about the cobalt bullets that send them running back to their world. After all, those dark things return. They always return.”
“What are you saying, Arthur?” I irritably asked. “I don’t understand.”
“I am a guard of Earth, Kane Foster,” Whitlock explained. “And I am the last of my kind. I have long searched for someone to take my place, and you are the first splintered soul I have met in a long time. I want you to take the Oath of the Guard. I want you to fight the dark realm.”
I turned to face him, narrowing my eyes. “I’ve just seen something that has made me question the very essence of reality. I never want to see anything of that nature again, and you’re asking me to actively pursue such things.”
“Guards don’t pursue,” He said, shaking his head. “We defend.”
“I will forever be grateful to you for saving my life, Arthur. But you need to get out of my car. I’m going home to my wife. And I’ll forget this night, just as I’ve forgotten countless nights of horror.”
The officer sighed. “You’ll change your mind, Kane. The day will come.”
The Chief Constable stepped into the rain, shutting the passenger door behind him, and I immediately slammed my foot onto the accelerator. I wanted to put some distance between myself and that haunted station — that haunted man.
I was enraged. After two years of tranquillity, I’d finally started to heal — finally reached a point of happiness in my life — only for a new nightmare to rear its head. Unable to process what I’d just witnessed, I turned to my old coping mechanism. Suppress and forget.
“What’s wrong?” Evie asked.
I’d barely taken my damp coat off, and my wife was already anxiously eyeing me in the front hallway. She could see the whiteness of my face. I never mask trauma as well as I like to imagine.
“Just a bad day. I… hit a deer on the drive home, and I had to call Arthur. He put it down,” I lied.
Evie knew I was hiding something, but she didn’t press the subject. Like me, she was afraid — neither of us wanted to face the possibility of a psychological relapse. We fled from my pain on the mainland, and I planned to leave it there.
I resolved to move past the horror of the petrol station, and I thought Evie had forgotten all about it. But she surprised me a couple of days later.
“Come in here, Kane!” My wife giggled from the living room.
I put the food in the fridge and strolled into the lounge to see something entirely unexpected. On the sofa, Evie was sitting cross-legged with a golden bundle in her lap. A Labrador.
“He’s called Benny, and he’s thirteen weeks old,” Evie gushed, playing with the dog’s floppy ears. “Somebody abandoned him outside the high school. Isn’t that horrible? Anyway, I asked Laura at the vet, and she gave us permission to foster him until she finds a new owner… Unless…”
I lifted an eyebrow and grinned. “Unless…?”
Evie chuckled. “We keep him.”
I attempted to muster a stern stance, but my disposition softened upon locking eyes with little Benny. The glistening, golden furball in my wife's lap. Before I was conscious of doing so, I found myself sitting next to Evie and petting the loveable Lab.
“So, that’s a ‘yes’?” She laughed.
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Sure. Will it delay the talk about kids for another few years?”
It might sound strange to those who’ve never had a pet, but Benny changed me. His calming presence on the farm help to mend old wounds in my battered mind. Evie, essentially, brought a therapy dog home. She knew exactly what she was doing, and I loved her for it. After all, it worked.
A ‘splintered’ man, I thought, scoffing. Arthur’s got it wrong. I’m better now.
And I was getting better. But all good things end.
A week later, on a night that I have long sought to forget, a noise woke me. Two noises, actually — Benny’s barking, and the crunch of gravel beneath flat feet. I groaned, slipped into a T-shirt, and sleepily shuffled out of the bedroom.
“I’m coming, Benny!” I whispered loudly, attempting to calm him whilst not waking Evie. “Mum’s teaching in the morning, and she won’t appreciate…”
I stopped mid-sentence. Benny was growling at the living room window. The motion-sensor had activated our property’s exterior lights, and something was standing motionlessly in the driveway.
A headless man.
“Jerry…” I whispered.
Keeping my eyes on the horrifying creature, I side-stepped towards the living room door. The headless abomination didn’t even sway in the wind. It was glued rigidly to the spot. And then the outdoor lights turned off — only to return after a skittering sound filled the still night.
The man on the driveway was gone.
And the foundations of our house began to whine under a sizeable weight. Something was crawling up the outer wall. I could hear it, and I could sense it. Jerry had scurried out of sight in less than a second. Before I could think of what to do, however, there came the sound of an upstairs window breaking, followed by a shrill scream.
“Evie!” I shouted.
I ran upstairs, and Benny overtook me, barking wildly. We flew across the landing and burst into the bedroom. Inside, I witnessed a scene of dread. The corpse of Jerry Black, mutilated by a force from another world, was slowly digesting the body of my half-living, wholly-seizing wife.
As her upper body was consumed, she immediately became limp.
I fell to the floor in a detached state as Benny lunged at the abomination. Events passed in a haze – I refused to comprehend what I’d seen. The hellish being effortlessly kicked my courageous puppy aside. Not that my wounded friend was deterred, of course, as he quickly clambered to his feet and began tearing at Jerry’s trouser leg.
The creature didn’t care about the Labrador. Though it had no face, I could tell it was looking at me.
Waiting on my knees, tears staining my face, I watched the undead devourer lumber towards me. I closed my eyes and braced for death. Prayed to be reunited with Evie. The monstrosity took measured steps, relishing in the build leading to my demise. The stale breath of the demon rose from the depths of its stump-like neck opening. A sickening stench billowed against my face.
Inches from me, the footsteps stopped, and I heard floorboards creak on the landing. And then came a guttural bellow. A squelching tussle followed, and the brief encounter ended with a human yelp of pain.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the blade that had been driven through the corpse’s abdomen. A medieval sword which glistened in the moonlight. Jerry’s undignified corpse began to twitch violently, and ethereal matter evaporated in black streams from his near-fleshless body. The hilted blade and the unearthly thing crumpled into a lifeless mess on the ground.
Leaning against the door frame, Whitlock was clutching his pained side. A dark, bloody wound stained his shirt, and black vines were spreading quickly across his flesh. I wanted to say something. Do something. But my eyes were drawn to the empty bed.
Evie was gone.
“I… I’m sorry…” Whitlock wheezed, coughing. “She… I tried to stop it…”
I didn’t want to live anymore. Benny was sadly surveying me, whilst whimpering softly, but I barely registered him. I barely registered Whitlock. I thought only of Evie — of life without her.
“I’m so tired…” Whitlock spluttered. “Earth needs a true guard, Kane Foster.”
“She’s gone…” I sobbed, disconnected from the conversation.
“I know, Kane. I know,” Whitlock croaked. “But we’re here. The world is turning. And you–”
“– It’s up to you, Kane,” I whispered. “You must fight. A man who doesn’t fight for his country? That’s no man at all. My father said those words to me. That was how he justified his coercion — forcing me into the Army at the age of sixteen. That was how he justified beating my mother and me too.”
Whitlock spluttered.
“You were right when you said that only fools want to be soldiers, Arthur,” I continued. “I was a fool. They might teach me how to put Dad in the ground for good, I thought. So, I did as my father asked. And the cigarettes took him in the end. Meanwhile, I became an expendable pawn in someone else’s war. I’ve always been a footsoldier because my life has never been my own.”
“Kane, I’m…” Whitlock began.
“– I loved this island, Arthur,” I interrupted. “We were living for ourselves. I had a life here. And I’ve just watched it die in front of me. Evie was the only person who made the world seem a little brighter.”
Benny whined and padded towards me, brushing his soft head against the back of my hand.
Whitlock heaved heavily, inspecting the wound on his rapidly rotting flesh. “It left Jerry’s corpse… It’s trying to claim me as its host. We can’t kill it–”
“– Can’t kill darkness,” I absent-mindedly muttered.
“No… But if it has no host, it can only flee to the black realm,” He whispered. “I must be killed before it spreads…”
“Killed?” I repeated.
The old man wearily nodded. “You must do it, Kane. First, however, you must take the Oath. A spiritual binding that will open your eyes to the black realm, as it did for thousands of guards before you.”
“It’s over, Whitlock…” I whispered.
“NO!” The man roared violently. “This is about everything, Kane. Everything. Reality as we know it. Will you condemn billions of souls to eternal blackness because you lost your–”
“– Don’t…” I sliced into his sentence. “Don’t diminish her death.”
“I’m not,” Whitlock grumbled, lowering his voice. “But our world is dying, Kane. For decades, as the last of the guards have perished across Earth, the black realm has widened its reach. I have scarcely kept it at bay. Horrors skirt past me, and they take innocent lives. Without a guard of Earth, the terror will be tenfold.”
The man collapsed, clutching his wound, and we sat in silence for a while. I was thinking. Processing. Contemplating ways in which I could take my life and join Evie.
A supernatural realm exists, so there must be something after all of this, I thought.
But what would she say? My wiser voice asked. Would she smile? Would she forgive you for condemning friends and loved ones to an eternal torture?
I knew the answer, but I did not like it.
“I will take the Oath, but I will not be the last to do so,” I finally said.
Whitlock’s weary, near-lifeless eyes welled. “You are a good man, Kane Foster.”
“A splintered man,” I gruffly said.
“To be splintered is not an evil thing,” Whitlock explained. “It is a reflection of your inner turmoil, not the character of your heart.”
The man tossed his firearm to the carpet.
“Cobalt-laced bullets,” He coughed. “You know Fernsby, don’t you? My dearest friend. She manufactures them for me. Cobalt repels darkness. It’s in the sword. The bullets.”
I picked up the rusty handgun, realising I hadn’t held a weapon in three years. It felt too natural. Too easy. Everything else faded away. When the body is at war, the self dies.
“The Oath…” Whitlock whispered, removing a hefty book from his coat and placing it on the carpet. “I don’t have much time… Place your hand on the cover.”
I obliged, placing my unarmed left hand atop the cobalt-bound book.
“Do you swear to uphold this realm, Kane Foster?” Whitlock hoarsely asked.
“I do,” I answered.
“Will you protect every inhabitant of Earth? Man or creature? Good or evil?”
“I will,” I said.
“Kane Foster…” Whitlock coughed, spluttering blood with a black tinge. “I… grant you the title of Guard.”
An unexpected pressure pierced my palm – as if the book were binding me to it. The world changed. As if I’d unlocked a previously forbidden nook of my brain, I suddenly saw Earth’s darkness. Saw every rip in reality. Every opening through which horrors had entered.
And then the pain ceased. I lifted my hand, and I felt peaceful. As if a weight had been lifted.
“What does it mean to be a guard?” I asked, noting Whitlock’s fading eyes. “I… don’t know what’s required of me.”
“You were a decorated soldier, Kane Foster. You already have the brawn and the intellect to face hostile enemies,” He said. “Following the Oath, you’ve gained sight. But wisdom? Well, that can only be earned. You will come to understand your role. Trust your sight. Trust…”
Whitlock lost the strength to talk, and his breathing grew increasingly laboured. The blackened vines were clawing at his cheeks.
I rose to my feet, preparing myself for what had to be done. It was hard to be present — even harder to take note of my friend’s death. All I saw was the swirling darkness enveloping our world — the ever-multiplying cracks in reality, inviting unimaginable horrors.
Exhaling deeply, I lifted the handgun and aimed at the dying man’s temple.
A single shot filled the room with a mighty spark of light and sound.
I am the last guard of Earth. I search for others so that, one day, I might end my lifelong war. On that day, I will be Kane again.
And I will be with Evie.
Part II
dominiceagle