Pill that says op on one side and 20 on the other

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my experience and how sometimes it resolves while like now it stays for a while.
I am a cis (hopefully) woman in her early 30's, lesbian who was a tomboy growing up, until puberty. While growing I was (a bit) made fun of because of my deeper voice and not super girly / feminine features & behaviours (wanting to play football / having male friends). I was couple of times mistaken for a boy which led me to a big distress / anxiety and thinking / deep wish that "i would rather be the most unattractive girl than be mistaken for a boy".
The constant "you are like a boy", "you look like a boy" (also coming from my family in a rather accusatorial manner) left some unpleasant memories but i eventually grew out of them (i thought). Until i was 19 or 20 years old that problem did not really exist for me but then i moved to another country and stared my studies.
I worked in a bar in a queer area and despite that bar not being queer, it was next door to a place which was mostly ran and attended by transgenders (absolutely no phobia here it just to highlight the context of the neighbourhood). Because of that bathe area in general a lot of women including me were a few times (often for fun) misgendered yet it happened to me way more often than to others. For me it was mostly because of my voice and height and sharper features, for my other female (and i would never question their identity) colleagues, i am not even sure what caused it. This happened so many times that while i denied and repressed that memory it created my social anxiety.
I do want to mention that after my tomboyish phase in childhood i considered my appearance as a regular girl (not super feminine with nails done + hills though:). I enjoy activities related to both genders, i finally feel good in dresses, i like to feel attractive and overall embrace my feminine "energy". While these gender conforming aspects sound silly, i was happy as i struggled with feminity in addition to accepting that i am a lesbian.
I recently realised that most of my life, wherever i would go i would be afraid that someone thinks I'm a man or transgender because of how i look and sound, i would sometimes be afraid to go to the bathrooms, afraid to use my voice as it's too deep. Of course me being misgendered rarely happened (maybe 5-10 times in the last 10 years). Now on top of that when someone addresses me as a girl or miss i immediately feel the "relief" as being misgendered hurt me quite a lot in the past and would hurt immensely if it happened right now. I want to be honest and do say that if i don't put effort into my looks i could look a bit androgynous, which i try to accept.
How my ocd started?
I was having one of my compulsive episodes and was googling "how can i be more feminine", of course one of the posts that popped up was a transgender forum or a reddit thread, from there it went downhill. From me fearing to be mistaken for a man i started to worry that i actually am a man. It started in november during a rather stressful period with work, went away and now while im having a burnout it came with even stronger strength.
There are moments when i laugh about it but there are also moments of a racing heart and me thinking that im denial, that im not comfortable with my pronouns even my body. Even though my only fear and worry before was to have more feminine features/aura. I often have a voice in my head saying "you are a man" and that voice looks like it's always on the back of my mind. I try to imagine myself as a guy and seriously cannot, that thought gives me a lot of distress and worry and anxiety but also that maybe im in "denial". I do not even know how to tackle it, because despite my features and voice which weren't really up to me i can't think of one reason why i should be a guy nor i know how one should feel like "a guy". Still the thoughts are very distressing until they pass.
And then on days when i feel good about myself, im not stressed, i dress up for dinner or parties, wear makeup and jewellery and feel attractive i want to laugh at the thoughts that couple of days before seemed so real.
i was wondering if anyone struggled with such a train of thoughts? I am in therapy, was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety before and struggling with worries and fears about so many topics. Because every other topic resolves, my brain jumps to this one because i know that i can never know 100% as it's my inner dialogue, not a problem with a deadline at work or a doctor's appointment. Lastly, my current therapist said that i do not have ocd (i have not discussed that issue in detail with her because of shame), which made me even more anxious as before i rationalised my thoughts as TOCD.
Thanks:)

So last night I was just texting my gc with three other friends, when suddenly one of them (Elise) leaves. I text another person in the group (Ellie) if she knows what’s going on, and she says Elise just called her. Ellie adds Elise back to the gc and calls it. She says the following to me, “OP, my heart and my mom are both telling me to not be friends with you. I still love you (as a friend), but you get me in trouble way too much and I can’t do this anymore.” Then she left the call, and I did too. I then made a gc with just Ellie and the other person who was in that group, Tessa, and this is the convo (I didn’t get her phone taken away 10 times):
Me: can someone just explain what exactly I did?
Ellie: you got her phone taken away 10 times
Me: no? Maybe twice?
Tessa: it’s not a big deal OP said sorry and Elise is just being rude. I’m done so gn.
Me: night
Ellie: night
Any advice on what to do?

I'm not saying that it's wrong to fail. I praise Pentel for trying. But the mechanism needs a lot more time in the oven. And all the positive reviews have to consist of people in denial about spending $30 on an engineering failure.
It's not just that it's "scratchy", this vague term that has been used thousands of times in regards to the writing experience. If it were only that, I wouldn't be as critical. In fact the metal on paper contact hardly bothers me, and it's not the main problem with the pencil.
The problem is that the graphite can't make proper contact with the paper. It ends up skipping as you write. It fails to retract the pipe enough to draw out enough lead. The Orenz Metal Grip is far better in this regard, presumably because the lead pipe is not springloaded like the Nero. To add further salt to the wound, its grip is far superior to the Nero's weird 12-sided grip that nobody uses for a reason.
Writing vertically does not make sense. Don't even go there. Neither does sanding down the tip. Using darker lead won't change things either. In fact simply using Pilot Neox lead is a known method of ruining this pencil, and this pencil alone.
It's a design failure, and that's okay. It's not a pen that should ever be recommended to anyone. At least with the Rotring 600 you can argue about poor taste, but this is just a defective pencil design.
If you want a functional experience, look out for the new Uni Kuru Toga Metal. Lead stays sharp like a 0.3 lead, but doesn't break because it's 0.5. No functional auto-advance, but then Pentel doesn't have one either. And it won't fail on you if you use other lead brands.

This is a new faction we know almost nothing about with a possible Cautus operator. Now I have a theory based on another theory I saw on this sub.
Ok The other theory states there are 3 pure pieces of originium one of them is in the hands of the Sarkas, one of them is used to power Aegir, and the last unknown one is under Rim Billiton.
My theory based on this is that this new faction is a faction in Rim Billiton that has the pure originium and maybe has some connection to priestess (They use a version of her callsign)
People already seem to know who this is... Tho idk
New Kazimierz event?
Looks very much like Suzu's mother which could mean siracusan event is lappy alter and suzumum. So we can finally see what the relationship between the two are (Why can't suzu meet lappy?)
Same bunny as the first image (Look at the ears) If my theory is correct this should be Rim Billiton (It's possible as we do know Rim Billy nomadic cities are like concrete jungles) but I don't know... it's looks a bit chilly in this image...
Apart from all the shown ops we got a lateran event with hints at Cecilia being important (I would say she's too young to be an op, but Rhodes has a history of child soldiers)
A Kjerag/Kazdel/Rhine labs event(?) With the possibility of Nasti being an op and Maybe Kjerag alter?
Something something infy icefield event, Kal event 2, victoria arc epilogue etc etc
We got a lot coming

Long story short: Otis was my baby and he had terminal cancer and was losing function and quality of life rapidly this past week. As soon as it went into a range where he was just lying there, breathing fast, not much interest in the usual things, including food and water, we let him go. Logically I knew it was coming, and didn't want to make him suffer or selfishly keep him around languishing through bad days, but somehow I thought I'd be ok eventually. I've had months to know this was coming, and then it was over too soon and I wish a few things had gone differently at the very end (but with the vet there, and my husband, etc, it was hard to not leave Otis's side to oversee some minor details -- like adding special sweetener to his saucer of milk that he drank while getting the sedation shot, or having the meats I'd prepped right there, since he finished his milk so fast and I wanted him distracted and eating instead of feeling the pinch). Anyway, I want to die and I don't know how to process this. I just want my baby back.
(Super long story below, and it's not even everything - no need to read it, I'm sure. Sorry so long, this all just happened 8 hours ago)
Otis was my little 9 pound baby. My shadow. My love bug. I can't put into words our bond and love, but I know many on here get it. He simply wasn't "a dog" he was our baby
Before his 11th bday he suddenly had a large painful swollen shoulder. Turned out to be hemangiosarcoma deep in his muscle. Came on overnight. We consulted with surgeons and oncologists and decided that with such a dismal prognosis, plus his insane fear of the vet, and questionable findings on his ultrasound and X-rays re: possible spread (nothing conclusive), plus's grade 5 heart murmur and (medically managed) luxating patella in his back knee, we'd take him home and spoil him rotten for whatever time he had left.
Well within a week the pain/pressure in his shoulder became too much and we opted for palliative surgery (amputating his front leg), since he was otherwise "fine" and totally himself. Just a painful shoulder and no signs of spread beyond that - just to get him out of pain for his remaining days. They told us it's a surprisingly easy surgery and recovery, and he did amazing.
He adjusted insanely well to tripod life within 2 weeks, still loved his walks, hikes and outings, tons of special foods (beyond the home cooked meals he already enjoyed) - he was the absolute center of our world.
Since it was muscular, they couldn't say when it would return - not quite as bad as hemangio in organs, not quite as good as the skin version, but not many stats. And little dogs usually don't get this, so we weren't sure what to expect but knew his surgery was just to get him out of pain and it would hopefully not return for a few months +. Clean margins on the surgery, etc
Well he only got about 5 weeks before another lump showed up- thankfully not painful this time. And then another.
Ultimately he got 2.5 months from diagnosis before his belly was distended, he had a giant lump on his back the size of an apple, and smaller ones started popping up other places, and his heart and lungs were working way too hard (breathing 60-90 breaths a minute at rest).
He still wanted to go on short walks and go out for burritos and stay by my side all day long (thankfully I work from home). Didn't seem to be in any pain, but the pressure started building in his belly which made his heart and lungs have to work harder this past week.
Then 5 days ago he lost his appetite and thirst and threw up a few times. We tried an appetite stimulant and it helped a lot, but he wasn't the same guy. Just wanted to rest mostly, and eat our foods if they were new/novel, but they made his belly too full and he'd breathe heavily after eating, even though he loved the foods. His eyes seemed duller /glassy the past 3 days, And then started to withdraw a bit (though he still always wanted/needed me right nearby - carried him up and downstairs with me all day long).
The first night he panted overnight (last night) I knew it was too much. I carried him downstairs still in his bed (he normally ran down on his own), and he didn't want to get out of bed to go potty so I just opened the door and he looked out into his yard and into the sunshine. He wasn't himself at all. Normally he runs out and barks or snorts at the neighbor dogs and kicks and makes sure all is under control out there. But this morning he didn't want to get out of bed, even in front of the open door.
He didn't want us petting him, and last night when I carried him upstairs to bed something hurt and he made a little cry. Most likely tumors inside were bothered by being picked up, and also the distensión and pressure in his belly. That night he panted overnight several times and I knew it was time.
We had someone come over and help him transition that evening (tonight).
And as soon as the appointment was scheduled , and after not eating or drinking without the stimulant (and even then, still needing hand feeding of only new people food), suddenly he was willing to eat the steak and chicken we cooked for him - loved it so much. Ate all kinds of foods all day long until the appt.
After laying on the floor on his side, belly so big, breathing fast, coordination with his legs starting to fail him the last few days, falling down today several times (and yesterday) and not able to walk outside other than a quick potty break, he suddenly got such a burst of energy where the vet arrived.
I knew this would probably happen, but it was so hard to see him bouncing around and happy and excited, even though that's all I wanted for him. One last happy day, after several days of just laying on the floor, breathing faster. Just made the timing question a little harder to see him perk up and eat after a week of constant decline and loss of function/coordination.
It all happened a little faster than I expected, and a few details about his final treats of steak and chicken and milk got a little muddled bc my husband stepped in to get those so I could hold Otis's head and hand the whole time. I know it's also my grief making me upset that I couldn't make it exactly as planned, but he went peacefully and it went well, considering. We told him how much we loved him and i got to hold him one last time. I couldn't believe I was saying goodbye. I tried to not cry until after he was gone, and just love him and soothe him and not stress him out. He was the best boy. My baby. My soul dog.
When his heart stopped I couldn't breathe. Shaking, holding my breath, just beyond.
I knew he had terminal cancer for the last 3 months and thought somehow that I could handle this - I'd been processing it this whole time and made every day count even more than usual - but I feel so empty and lost and guilty and devastated.
I feel like I let this happen to him. I feel like I wanted the appt to be a little different in some ways. I need to get over those details. We didn't want him to suffer anymore. As much as we thought we made the call before it was too late, I'm sure he spent many days and hours feeling bad. He didn't deserve any of this.
I want to see him tomorrow morning, snorting and oinking and meowing and making all his weird noises, and licking my face all over. I want my baby back.

1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.

1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.

I’m with my bf for 4 years, going into 5 this July. There’s one thing that makes me sick and I can’t forgive easily, and that’s lying. He knows that from the moment we met, I can’t stand lies and I always want the truth even if it’s bad news.
Throughout this years there have been 3 to 4 events where I knew the truth about something, I tried asking him about it and giving him the chance to explain himself to me, but he just straight up lied to me. It was really intense because the first two times I couldn’t give him evidence that I know how things happened so he just continued with a lie. He managed to confess a day after, or even some times months later in a random conversation where we both were “fine” so he felt comfortable saying he was lying back then and that I was right about the events.
He has just started at a new job, where he is the only guy there among other 2 guys and a lot of girls. I had a work opportunity outside our country so at the moment and for 4 months I’m going to be abroad so it’s been even more difficult for us. I catch myself getting insecure sometimes when a woman I don’t know is involved, but I try to soothe myself because I do know he loves me and that I’m being unreasonable with those thoughts. For the whole month that I’m away, we always speak on the phone and two hours pass by with him rambling about work and always defending one specific girl at work. Yesterday, while he was at work, I texted him and he didn’t reply but was active on instagram. I don’t check that in any way and I don’t care, but it happened to show his profile to a friend I met here so I saw he was online and thought “he’s here but doesn’t reply to me” and thought about making fun of it because I do like teasing him. When I was at his profile, the following went up when I refreshed it, and I found out that it was the girl he’s been so much mentioning from work. I’ve already sent him a teasing message, and he replied that he wasn’t on instagram. Then, the story changed to “her sister called him on insta”. That’s a straight up lie because he never speaks on insta with his sister. He sent me screenshot of the “call”, which was made at 17:28 from his part and ended the same time from his part again. But I’ve asked why he doesn’t reply to me at 17:10, where supposedly he was speaking on the phone with his sister. I knew he was on insta to accept the request from this girl from work, so I just wanted him to tell me the truth, it’s not even a big deal. But the way he lied to me and made up stories rather than just saying that made me feel sick. I might overreacting but I physically can’t stand lies, I wouldn’t lie to anyone let alone the person I love. He was keeping up with the lies until the end of the day, even though I have him a lot of chances for him to just say the truth. At midnight, on the phone, he finally said that he was on instagram because this girl sent him a request but that happened during the end of his shift, around 20:00. He was still lying to my face so I just said to him what happened and how I knew the story and knew he was lying the whole time about something so so minor. He finally confessed that all the stories he told me was a lie, and he justify it that he “wasn’t thinking and was an immediate move to lie to me because he kinda felt guilty about it”.
I know it’s a minor issue at the moment of the way it happened, but it has happened before with much bigger problems, I’ve always told him that I can’t respect someone who lies to my face and is fine about it, but I just can’t help myself to think of how he was okay lying, and how many other “lies” I might have believed only because I didn’t know the truth or didn’t have the ways to prove my gut feeling. He says he won’t ever lie to me again and that he don’t want to lose me. I love him and I also don’t want to lose him but I do feel overwhelmed and can’t stop thinking about how he lied straight up and even got offensive when I tried to tell him the truth.
TL/DR: my (22F) bf (27M) lied to me but I knew the truth and I feel overwhelmed of the way he tried to gaslight me.

I’m with my bf for 4 years, going into 5 this July. There’s one thing that makes me sick and I can’t forgive easily, and that’s lying. He knows that from the moment we met, I can’t stand lies and I always want the truth even if it’s bad news.
Throughout this years there have been 3 to 4 events where I knew the truth about something, I tried asking him about it and giving him the chance to explain himself to me, but he just straight up lied to me. It was really intense because the first two times I couldn’t give him evidence that I know how things happened so he just continued with a lie. He managed to confess a day after, or even some times months later in a random conversation where we both were “fine” so he felt comfortable saying he was lying back then and that I was right about the events.
He has just started at a new job, where he is the only guy there among other 2 guys and a lot of girls. I had a work opportunity outside our country so at the moment and for 4 months I’m going to be abroad so it’s been even more difficult for us. I catch myself getting insecure sometimes when a woman I don’t know is involved, but I try to soothe myself because I do know he loves me and that I’m being unreasonable with those thoughts. For the whole month that I’m away, we always speak on the phone and two hours pass by with him rambling about work and always defending one specific girl at work. Yesterday, while he was at work, I texted him and he didn’t reply but was active on instagram. I don’t check that in any way and I don’t care, but it happened to show his profile to a friend I met here so I saw he was online and thought “he’s here but doesn’t reply to me” and thought about making fun of it because I do like teasing him. When I was at his profile, the following went up when I refreshed it, and I found out that it was the girl he’s been so much mentioning from work. I’ve already sent him a teasing message, and he replied that he wasn’t on instagram. Then, the story changed to “her sister called him on insta”. That’s a straight up lie because he never speaks on insta with his sister. He sent me screenshot of the “call”, which was made at 17:28 from his part and ended the same time from his part again. But I’ve asked why he doesn’t reply to me at 17:10, where supposedly he was speaking on the phone with his sister. I knew he was on insta to accept the request from this girl from work, so I just wanted him to tell me the truth, it’s not even a big deal. But the way he lied to me and made up stories rather than just saying that made me feel sick. I might overreacting but I physically can’t stand lies, I wouldn’t lie to anyone let alone the person I love. He was keeping up with the lies until the end of the day, even though I have him a lot of chances for him to just say the truth. At midnight, on the phone, he finally said that he was on instagram because this girl sent him a request but that happened during the end of his shift, around 20:00. He was still lying to my face so I just said to him what happened and how I knew the story and knew he was lying the whole time about something so so minor. He finally confessed that all the stories he told me was a lie, and he justify it that he “wasn’t thinking and was an immediate move to lie to me because he kinda felt guilty about it”.
I know it’s a minor issue at the moment of the way it happened, but it has happened before with much bigger problems, I’ve always told him that I can’t respect someone who lies to my face and is fine about it, but I just can’t help myself to think of how he was okay lying, and how many other “lies” I might have believed only because I didn’t know the truth or didn’t have the ways to prove my gut feeling. He says he won’t ever lie to me again and that he don’t want to lose me. I love him and I also don’t want to lose him but I do feel overwhelmed and can’t stop thinking about how he lied straight up and even got offensive when I tried to tell him the truth.
TL/DR: my (22F) bf (27M) lied to me but I knew the truth and I feel overwhelmed of the way he tried to gaslight me.

DISCLAIMER:

TLDR: Applying to get an engineering degree inside my country's AF (NATO country with tight cooperation with the US, lots of US planes in our equipment, aligned maintenance best practices, routinely deployed to Alaska or other places to work and train together with USAF... so there's a good chance that your answer will still be relevant to my case). Getting out with an E-9 rank. What do they do compared to, say, an E-2 and an O-2 ?
Applying to be a Warrant Officer (E-9) with an engineering degree earned through a 2-year specializing school by the Italian Air Force, which also at the same time requires me to complete a 3-year Bachelor's degree in Industrial Engineering, Aircraft Maintenance curriculum, a 1 year on the job training, as well as an EASA Aircraft Maintenance Technician certification (basically the equivalent of an FAA certification but for Europe).
This will make me part of the fighter jet crew, as a Warrant Officer. What do they do specifically? Like, I know that the whole crew works 24/7 to evaluate damages, repair parts, swap damaged components, inspect the aircraft, clean and repair after scrambles and I know they're the first to be there and the last ones to go home after the ENDEX call at the end of an exercise.
From what I gather it's a hard but highly rewarding job. I love it, but I was wondering what a highly specialized engineer would actually be employed for specifically.
What do you think would be the biggest difference in role and responsibility to - say - an E-2 or E-3 in the day to day life?
I'm just wondering how the different roles and responsibilities usually correlate to rank.
If the officers do all the papers, the administration work, the supervision and the management of whole units, and the enlisted side does all the technical manual precision work to get the craft safely in the air, what part do the ranks in the middle play in this complex system of aircraft maintenance?
I really hope to pass all selections (I've passed one out of four so far) and get started as soon as possible in the job, can't wait for it!
If you can be specific in your answer, it would be of incredible help. Hope to one day work together to keep our skies safe! Thank you very much

My sister who I’ve posted about in this subreddit before got a DUI this week. It’s her first one. I saw her the night it happened, I was over at my family’s house watching a movie with my other sister on the couch. Q sister came in and said goodnight to us and that she was going to bed and upstairs.
My sister and I woke up to her calling our phones from jail at 2 AM, but when the recording said press 1 to accept this call it would say she didn’t have any money in her account and so it couldn’t connect, so we didn’t actually get to talk to her or find out what jail she was in, and what happened until the next day. She was pulled over for reckless driving in a suburb 40 minutes away from the house (we still have no idea why she was up there) failed her sobriety test and blew a .17 on the breathalyzer. She could have killed herself or someone else. She’s out of jail and waiting to be arraigned. My mom wanted to pick her up from jail and tell her she could go directly to rehab or that she’d drive her to any drop off spot of her choosing but she could not live at the house anymore if she did not go to inpatient rehab. My sister agreed to go to rehab, but it has been impossible to find her a spot that her insurance will cover. She’s been out of jail for two days now and we still have not been able to find her a spot anywhere. So she’s just at the house watching TV. From what I googled she’s definitely going to have to pay thousands in fines and could get up to 90 days in jail in our state. I’m terrified for her, she’s a very sensitive and anxious person and I can’t imagine her in jail.
My family’s house is old and creaky and it is impossible to come downstairs without the entire house knowing someone is on the stairs, there’s literally no way she could have snuck down them and we never saw her come downstairs to leave, which means she must have snuck out on the roof. She’s 26.
For some reason I can’t get the image of her deciding to climb onto the roof and shimmy down to sneak away out of my mind. What kind of grown adult does that? She used to pack my lunches for me when we were kids and I had a field trip. She used to drive her car close to where I exited the building after high school and wait for me so I wouldn’t have to walk around looking for her car in the line, even though this put us at the back of the line every day and meant we got home 20-30 minutes later. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.
I’ve spent every free minute I have had over the last 3 days trying to find her a rehab spot. I have 6 college assignments due tomorrow at midnight and haven’t started a single one and my apartment is a wreck but I can’t think about anything else other than her.

I met a girl online from another country. We met on Instagram in 2020. We both have same values, our thought process is also quite similar, we both believe in honest and straight forward communication and we actually do that. We do communicate and share things about our lives with each other no matter how little or big it is.
When I met her, I didn't see her romantically and I can't see her romantically even now due to some unknown reasons (maybe my attachment style, but who knows?). We have talked about this many times and asked each other whether any of us have any romantic feelings for each other and we always say that we can't feel romantic attraction towards each other even if we try and I also believe the same.
We both are demisexuals and for us, friendship is one such bond which is needed for us to develop sexual attraction for the other person but we don't have any such feelings for each other. However, I get attracted to people who have all the qualities as mine and my relationship with them hasn't been so good. I caught feelings for a girl who also think like, shares same values as mine but I developed romantic feelings for her even when I didn't know much about her or her life. Things became weird from my side and now I'm not talking to her for more than 2 weeks.
I'm pondering about all these things and I clearly don't have any answer why did I got attracted to someone who gave mixed signals but not to my friend whom I'm so comfortable with and our bond is actually very good. She calls me her platonic soulmate.
I want to know, if there's someone else who has experienced such type of friendship in their life and you're perfectly okay with this? Share your experiences or thoughts about this incident in comments :)

Hey everyone, I don't expect anyone to reply to this as it'll probably be shrouded by the other posts. Just needed somewhere to write it all down.
My life has never been good. I've had moments of happiness, even for extended periods of time, but never for longer than a few months at most. I grew up in a horrible environments in and out of CPS where my Mum finally got custody of me at age 3, after I remained in a foster home for around 6 months. My Mom tried so hard for me, even until she won her court case against my birth Father. Until I was around 12, I was raised in a fairly normal environment by myself. Most of my childhood I never endured abuse or anything like that. It wasn't until I was 12, shit got real. At that age, people deemed my problems invalid because I was so young and "it couldn't be that bad" or "other people have it worse". I could never tell my Mum because I didn't want to dissapoint her and make it seem like all her efforts were for naught. As such, I sat alone with my problems, occasionally talking to people online, but nothing helped. When I turned 13, I discovered herbal cigarettes for the first time. I would roll a herb (usually something that produced a relaxing effect or a minor hallucinagen) and smoke it on my porch when my parents weren't home. After I first tried it, I told myself, "It was a good stress reliever, but I'm not gonna do this again. It's bad for me." This cycle repeated daily for around a month. Eventually, my parents found out. Despite my worries, they weren't mad. But the dissapointment in my Mum's eyes were unreal.
This was the moment where I first lost my parents trust.
Eventually, I stopped, as my parents hid everything away from me. Because of this I never wanted to be at my house, so I was with a new group of "friends: I had made. There was this one guy, who I'll name John. John shared a lot of my common interests, and would talk to me during class and we'd hang out at the centre of our city pretty often, just us two messing around and having fun, like a bunch of 8th grade boys. This lasted for a few months. I had one of the best birthdays ever with him. Around a month afterwards, this man somehow tricked me into sending nudes to him. I'm a straight man. I thought this was another one of his jokes and we'd be chill afterwards.
I was wrong.
The next day, I went to school surrounded by weirded stares and comments on the situation. I knew then, that I seriously fucked up bad. I somehow got myself out of the situation by saying it wasn't me, but my friendship with John was diminished. Despite this, he was the only friend I actually hung out with consistently after that. I dealt with his remarks in the times in the future, which grew more and more consistent as the times went on. I knew I had to let him go after he told my principle that I had a weapon on me for self defense (which basically everyone in my city does), which nearly led to me being suspended. Eventually, I abandoned him all together, and ran with whatever little amount of pride I had left. I fell into a huge state of depression after this. Even my online friends didn't want me anymore. Someone had accused me of being a pedophile and falsified screenshots. I had no one.
One day, after school, a friend who I wasn't particularly close with wanted to hang out with me after school. He mentioned his parents had a cabinet full of alcohol.
Seeing no danger with this, I accepted without hesitation. This was my first experience with alcohol. I got wasted with him, and for the first time in months, my worries washed away. Eventually, this became a weekly occurance. I would tell my parents I was going to the park, but instead I would get drunk with my friend. This soon became the only way I could live without stress. Around this time, I became closer with an acuqainted friend and his friend group, who we'll call Terry and his friends. Terry was a chill guy. We didn't share all the same interests, but he liked me for who I was. He didn't care about my past. I became closer with his friends, too. Eventually this became my new friend group. Around the time I formed this new friend group, I stopped going drinking with my other friend. Not because I didn't want to, but because he stopped pestering me to hang out with him like he did the months before. Instead, the roles were reversed at that point. Me and this friend group started hanging out more, and more, and more.
During this time, I met my first love. It was online, but it felt like the best thing in the world. We were young, and stupid. She was beautiful. I remember first talking to her on the phone on the plane ride to my Uncle's wedding. I decided to myself that I really liked this girl. I wanted her more than anything. I remember she was the only thing I dedicated myself for. Something I felt was worth being there for. I finally felt like I had some worth for the first time in forever. I should mention this was slightly before the drinking thing. We talked, we called, we loved for two whole weeks. Towards the end, I made the stupid mistake of telling her that "if I didn't meet her I probably would've killed myself". This wasn't entirely true. I was depressed before talking to her, but I don't think I was suicidal. However, this seemed to be a problem for her. Apparently, she felt trapped. Thus, she left me. I remember having to hide my heartbreak from my parents. I shortly got over it, however, and met a new girl from my school. I realize now I didn't love her, I loved the idea of being in a relationship. I remember joking to my ex about how bad my girtlfriend at the time was. After a while, she found out I was following other girls on instagram. I denied it at first, but discovered it was an opportunity to pin a breakup on her not trusting me enough, so I used that reason and dumped her. She later told the whole school I was unloyal (which I wasn't, I didn't even talk to the girls I followed). She proceeded to post shitty photos of me on her tiktok account. I remember being fuming. If sonething so small was the worst of my problems now, I would be blissful happy right now. A few weeks afterwards, I got back with my first ex. This time, it was one sided. After just over a month, I began to look at girls in my class with desire. I completely broke it off with my ex, telling her I didn't love her anymore. Years later, I still regret this decision. She accepted this, and we remained friends. Every time I felt lonely, I would talk to her again, and we would begin talking like we were together again. This repeated for around 6 months. We kept talking until around a few months ago, where I discovered she blocked me out of nowhere. I believe it was out of respect for her new boyfriend, which I respect.
After we had broken it off for the final time, I began spending time outside of school with my new friend group. Slowly, we began to hang out more and more. I even found a new girlfriend, which I had found off of quick add on snapchat, lol. Around Christmas, things went downhill. My friends asked a personal question, which was whether my girlfriend had sent me explicit pictures (i thought it would make me sound cooler if I said yes), but then they caught me in the lie, and they immediately lost trust for me. I saw the same look in their eyes as I saw in my Mother. Distrust. I tried to salvage the friendship, but I new it wouldn't be the same ever again. It still isn't. I saw the cycle repeat itself. Like last time, I left my girlfriend because I lost interest. I began to become depressed again. I started vaping and drinking to escape the pain. I didn't care as much about my looks anymore. I remember having one of the worst heartbreaks of my life afterwards. I told myself I wouldn't date ever again. I still hung out with my friends, but we all knew inside that we didnt care for each other as much as we acted. For around a month, I lived life in a cycle. A depressed cycle. One day, I caught a glimpse of a girl in my class who was exactly my type in a woman, physically and mentally. I knew she was far too good for me. I barely talked to her, and didn't have her on any social media. I eventually got the courage one afternoon to add her on snapchat, after one of my friends gave me her snap. This was after a mutual friend informed me that she found me attractive, which I didn't buy. The night I added her, we talked, and I rememebr playing games with her and her friends. It was one of the best nights I've ever had. I fucked up my sleep sdchedule just to speak to her longer. I got to know her more, and more. She was the most beautiful and perfect girl in the world. My eternal bliss lasted for a week. I had ordered flowers to ask her out with and I had the whole thing planned out with her friends. I remember going to my first work shift, and coming home, and getting a message from her:
"Hey, I think I'm lesbian. It's not your fault, I promise. I'm so sorry."
I was heartbroken, I kept tryna suffocated myself over and over again. I asked her why, what her thought process was. She eventually tired of my questions and she said that I was being a dick about it. I ended up sending her a message later that day telling her that I was sorry for being a dick about it (I still don't know what I did wrong). I didn't go to school the next day. I remember avoiding her hard for the whole rest of the school term. I was insanely depressed afterwards, the worst I've ever felt. she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I tried weed for the first time afterwards, it was mesmerising. It nearly compared to the feeling of being with her. But it was only a temporary escape. As the weeks went on, I became more and more depressed. Then, my parents found out I smoked weed, and my own mother told the police (I still dont know if thats morally right and im overthinking it) and my whole family found out and now hates me. I'm scheduled to see them tomorrow. I'm being illegally overowkred by my job, and I can;t do anything about it. I didn;t show up today, I'm probably already fired. I tried a cigarette today, it was one last thing I wanted to know before I pass. I went to one last convension today, and asked God for a sign to keep living. I ended up meeting a girl, asking for her number, and she gave me her insta and messaged me "You really thought I'd date you? Not tryna be mean".
In three hours, it'll turn midnight. I'll go to a store, find nitrous oxide, and overdose on that. Asphyxiation isn't that painful. I have nothing at all.

I met a girl online from another country. We met on Instagram in 2020. We both have same values, our thought process is also quite similar, we both believe in honest and straight forward communication and we actually do that. We do communicate and share things about our lives with each other no matter how little or big it is.
When I met her, I didn't see her romantically and I can't see her romantically even now due to some unknown reasons (maybe my attachment style, but who knows?). We have talked about this many times and asked each other whether any of us have any romantic feelings for each other and we always say that we can't feel romantic attraction towards each other even if we try and I also believe the same.
We both are demisexuals and for us, friendship is one such bond which is needed for us to develop sexual attraction for the other person but we don't have any such feelings for each other. However, I get attracted to people who have all the qualities as mine and my relationship with them hasn't been so good. I caught feelings for a girl who also think like, shares same values as mine but I developed romantic feelings for her even when I didn't know much about her or her life. Things became weird from my side and now I'm not talking to her for more than 2 weeks.
I'm pondering about all these things and I clearly don't have any answer why did I got attracted to someone who gave mixed signals but not to my friend whom I'm so comfortable with and our bond is actually very good. She calls me her platonic soulmate.
I want to know, if there's someone else who has experienced such type of friendship in their life and you're perfectly okay with this? Share your experiences or thoughts about this incident in comments :)

Lvl 1 directly jumped into the no sbmm playlist (not the beginner playlist) and thought i get recoiled in the corner. played and after 7 games i have to say i love the game. The skill varies so much, you can see players dominating, players doing random bullshit etc. all in one lobby. had one awesomegame were i went 34/4 and the games after that i hadnt had the feeling i get CDL'ed now. finally no fucking sweating against everyone, only against the one playeone skin who is dominating in the enemy team.
only negative things (in my opinion):
-snipers/dmrs have no flinch, im okay with that on distance because thats usually their range but on 10-20 meters distance it was somewhat annoying because theres not much things to counter it even jumping/strafing/crouchspamming.
-abilitys interfere to much with the gameplay. beeing invicible and seeing people through walls for this long period of time is OP
-TTK seems somewhat inconsistent. i love the long TTK, im a huge COD Cold War Enjoyer
Hot Take:
jumping and crouching isnt that bad, the airborne movement is OP

Hi, I wanted to know what my rights are and what options I have available to me for the below situation. I've only been in this job for 6 months and am currently off work with stress (my GP has signed me off for a month).
I started a new job in January this year. Before I started I was made aware that one of my direct reports. let's call them Bob, had unsuccessfully applied for my role and would I be happy to coach them to help them should any other senior roles became available. Which I was and did! Bob didn't want to be coached by me.
My second day in my new job and Bob is notably not happy. There's atmosphere but I don't feel it's directed towards me as they are also cold towards others. In contrast, they happily chat away to two of their colleagues, who I later discovered are a clique.
We have our first team meeting, during which I wanted to discuss how the team work so I can get a feeling of the team culture. One of the questions I ask is how do they inform each other their location; working from home, in the office, sick, holiday, training, etc, is there a team calendar? I'm told they don't, so I show them a location tracker that was used in my previous job. Bob speaks up and says they think I am a micromanager and it's no business of mine where the team are. My response is that I'm sorry Bob feels that way but as a manager I do need know where my team are. Bob continues on this 'micromanaging' trajectory and says the person they will inform is Sue because Sue won't come into the office if Bob is not there. I ask the rest for their opinions, they all put their heads down and say nothing; Bob says they're speaking for the team. I assertively interrupt Bob and move on to a different subject, which is also not well received by Bob.
I was shaken by Bob's behaviour during the team meeting but I thought it through and decided that perhaps it was the way I approached the subject. I set-up in-person 1:2:1s with my team, and mention to Bob that I would discuss what happen during the team meeting to gain an understanding of how they felt it went and to discuss their ideas. Bob refuses to meet with me, to which I remind them that it is important that we have 1:2:1s and that we discuss what happened in the team meeting as from a new manager's perspective I want to learn if I could have handled the subject better; if it made Bob feel comfortable we could have the meeting away from the workplace, in a nearby cafe. Bob replies that I am harassing them, could I please leave them alone. I eventually convince Bob to talk to me, but it's on-line only (I'm in a private meeting room, Bob's at home). Bob denies they called me a micromanager, however, when pressed they suddenly remember that I am a micromanager and call me some unsavoury names. Before I have a chance to retort, Bob says they want to move on from all this and could we start again. I agree to. I don't want this hassle during my first week.
Shortly after my meeting with Bob, my manager asks if everything is okay. When I say everything is, they say that's not what they've heard, could we have a private chat. I tell them about the micromanaging accusations and the name calling. They're appalled and state that they have also had similar problems with Bob, as has others, so it's off to HR we go. HR's advice is not to take formal action but to keep a diary of events, which I start doing.
Bob's behaviour doesn't improve, they don't follow my instructions and everything I say is because I'm out to get them. There was one incident whereby Bob wanted to take time off just before a big project deadline was due. I ask how they were getting on with the project and were they on track to meet the deadline. I get no response. I state that I can't approve any leave until I'm satisfied that the deadline will be met because the deadline cannot be moved. Bob says that our dept director approved their leave. I say, that's fine and I will speak to the director. No response from Bob. I instead speak to my line manager who agrees, no leave until they can prove that they are on track with the deadline ahead of schedule. I report this back to Bob, no response.
The next day I'm called into HR, Bob has raised a formal complaint against me. HR have told Bob that they have no grounds to raise a formal grievance as I am within my right to decline leave for the reason I gave but recognise there are issues with our working relationship therefore they would like explore mediation. Bob initially refuses the mediation. In the meantime, I discover that Bob has been having regular meetings with my line manager to gain clarification on my instructions and to complain about me. They started to going HR when my manager refused to take their complaints further. Not once did Bob ask me to clarify anything nor did they raise any issues with me.
We eventually have the mediation, during which Bob reads out a statement which was an attack on my personality and there was very little about our working relationship. During the statement Bob states that no-one in the organisation likes me as they see me as problematic and I have created an unsafe environment for all to work in (there are 1000+ staff - so I know this isn't true). I'm a liar and I'm not to be trusted. Bob is scared of me because they've seen what I am capable of and are scared I will turn violent. Bob has had to take over management of the team because of my actions. Again, not true.
I leave the mediation visibly upset, my colleagues show concern and my manager clears their calendar for the afternoon. I'm sent home and HR contacts me as my manager has said I may want to raise a grievance. HR advise I can't raise anything based on the mediation nor can I discuss what happened in the mediation with anyone, including my line manager (which I already have but they kindly chose to ignore this), but I can regarding the alleged malicious complaints and upward bullying. So, I do.
Bob raises a counter grievance, which I expect they would. In their grievance, Bob included what I allegedly said in the mediation, what others (their clique) has said about me, and also raises my health issues. Bob says I only disclosed my health issues because I wanted to gaslight and control the team. My health issues are/were; I'm going through the peri-menopause and was experiencing adverse side-effects with the HRT I was prescribed; I experienced heavy bleeding to the point I couldn't leave my home. Just as I was starting this job, my GP changed my prescription which would eventually stop the heavy bleeding but it brought on vertigo attacks. As a result I needed to work from home most days and thought it was best to explain to my team why. Prior to doing so, I referred to company policy, spoke to my line manager, and referred to ACAS's advice on disclosing menopause to staff. I'm now fine, the side-effects are no more.
It's this counter-grievance which is worrying me, why is Bob able to use:

• what was said in the mediation to form a grievance, while I'm not?
• someone's health condition, which is unavoidable, to form a grievance. Is this ageist or ableist?

Following the union's advice I have pushed back on point one with HR. HR have said they would add my concerns to the grievance. Please note that the union are unable to formally help me because my membership started after the first complaint which lead to the grievances.
I'm also worried about my sick leave, a month is a long time and I am still my probation. But I can't work, I'm paranoid that people do hate me plus if I do go to work that Bob will find more things to complain about - honestly, I get a new complaint every week, even when I was holiday I offended Bob. I can't deal with the constant complaints, they've taken over my working life. I've spoken the Occupational Health nurse and they've reassured me that the best place for me is home to recover, at this time they wouldn't agree for me to return to work before the sick note expires.
While I'm awaiting the outcome of both grievances, what should I be considering? I know that in the UK I have limit rights as I've only been in the job for 5 months, but is there something I can consider? Or should I just wait for the outcome and deal with it then?
Thank you

Funny title, genuine question
BA, got rejected from both of my choices (CPSC, COGS) - but COGS was the one I was really gunning for, with my interest in tech systems and their impacts and ethics etc etc (applied for the PHIL stream btw)
The rejection email cited 'limited number of seats' so im guessing my GPA wasn't high enough to be given that much priority in the seat filling or something like that. I struggled with the MATH course (MATH 101 failer) which didnt help, tho I got respectable (i hope) marks in the PSYCs and PHIL 220 - like 70-80
Since I'm an international student, my parents are basically saying that I should just come back home, do literally any which graduation degree whatever, and on the side do some film/animation courses (which is also a big passion) - essentially withdrawing from ubc since doing a psych or other major there is not worth the time/money My 'original' plan was to do COGS major, and do the animation courses either on the side or post-grad - which imo would give me a pretty diverse portfolio/job prospects that are interesting to me also
But now since I didn't get in, is it worth trying to grind psych etc courses at ubc to get my gpa back up and reapply? or should i just give up and withdraw? Another big thing thats a part of this is that I have an actual group of friends/community at ubc - plus the country where im from is really against lgbtq+ folk like me, so canada atleast has some level of safety in that sense but idk
Would appreciate inputs from anyone, especially COGS majors (arts stream or otherwise) or ppl who have similar experiences re: the major admissions things/seat limits
seriously struggling here, please no joke/rude comments, thank you!

Tldr - experience with Ursodiol? Or other alternative methods to avoid removal? I'm so anxious to do it 😩 😫 😪
I went to the hospital for the first time experiencing the pain we are all too familiar with - I was scared. Thought it was heart related. Had an aggressive and painful ultrasound and was told I had a gallstone - or maybe they said, stoneS - I honestly can't remember.
For the past 12 years I had developed a regime when I experience a 'flare up'.
The pain is so bad (as I'm sure you know) I HAD to figure out a way to deal with it.
My go to when woken up with the pain was a shot of Apple Cider Vinager(yes its gross, I plug my nose!), a couple of ibuprofen, and immediately SLEEP. None of it worked if I didn't sleep. But there was never a time it didn't work. I woke up back to normal everytime.
I'd say over the past several years it has been necessary to have implemented this regimine between 10 & 20 times.
There has always been a considerable amount going on in life that makes tracking so difficult so give or take any amount. I've been dealing with it so long its just apart of life at this point I guess...
A week ago, I had a massive attack - so incredibly painful breathing was a struggle, there was no relief to be found.. it went on for 34hrs straight, just writhing in agony until I finally increased to 4 ibuprofen and got enough relief to sleep and I slept on and off for a couple days - it never went away just lessened but sleeping was helping get through it.
It felt so different than I was used to that I honestly thought it had to be something else but it being a holiday weekend the er was packed and the wait was several hours long just to get in and I have to bring my kids so I was doing my best to wait it out. Moaning around at home was far more appealing than a crowded waiting room for hours..
Finally after a couple days I went to hospital because while considerably better, still not complete improvement.. so 12hrs later, one CT and a bag of fluids later I was let out with the only answer being a stone and a referral to follow up with the surgeon and a prescription for Ursodial for 10 days.
I've continued with ACV a couple times a day but basically am on bedrest. I ate my first bit of food yesterday - a graham cracker and a couple more today but basically I'm sleeping on and off and taking ibuprofen and haven't eaten in days (besides a cracker with the ibuprofen and Ursodiol)
Sometimes I think the pain I still have is from hunger because it's relieved with drinks of ice water as it coats its way down..
But am I just at the point of no return? I was really willing to throw it all in and live on lemons and try to get this thing shrunk enough to get out.. I also was reading about soundwaves or other treatments and this is the first time I'd heard of this medication they gave me - I started reading about it during my hours in the hospital bed and was planning to ask about it but he offered it up so I didn't have to.. I really want to stick it out - I have medical -related ptsd and an anxiety disorder, heds, I'm Autistic, an only parent, totally on my own, I have no friends and in a new city hours away from anyone I've ever known - and surgery is just so massive anyway.. if there is any other way I'd like to be trying thay first..
Idk I guess I just need to talk it out more.. get some kind of support. It's just so hard to be on loop of all the thoughts I've got going around..
But its never lasted this long and I am struggling..

Vyvanse/Lisdexamfetamine began to make me look really old after about two solid months on 40mg. It worked pretty well and I found it helpful. Then, one day I noticed I just didn’t look like myself and it took me a while to figure out what was happening. The right side of my top lip shrunk and my face looked really hollow in photos. I began having lines and wrinkles on my face.
It wasn’t gradual, it basically happened within a couple of days. I was eating normally and did not lose any weight while on it, and I also consistently drank 90 oz. of water every day. I found a sub where someone mentioned their lips shrunk from Vyvanse and knew immediately that’s what it was. I stopped taking it and I’m slowly starting to see my face return to normal. I researched this and it seems a lot of people have this happen and find themselves aging rapidly on Vyvanse. Some say it’s because of dehydration, but I don’t think that’s it. I drink plenty of water with electrolytes every day, plus I take vitamins and eat very well and have a healthy appetite.
The interesting part is that it also gave me spots on my hands. These are also going away now that I’m off of it. If the issue were just dehydration, that wouldn’t cause spots. I’m hopeful this will completely reverse itself since I didn’t take it for very long.
Anyway, I’m on the hunt for something else. I’ve taken Stratterra, Methylphenidate, and Adderall. Stratterra made me feel no emotion and had no benefit whatsoever. Adderall made me sleepy. I’ve also tried Wellbutrin and found it unhelpful. Methylphenidate was better than the others but only gave me about two hours of support. A second dose wasn’t that helpful and impacted my sleep sometimes.
Anyway, I wanted to put this out there in case someone else is noticing this happening to them and wondering if it’s the medication. It’s really too bad because I found Vyvanse the most helpful of the things I’ve tried.