TW: Mention of pregnancy losses.
Apologies in advance for my lengthy post but necessary for history;
I just miscarried my first euploid from my first egg retrieval/transfer cycle and I'm devastated to say the least. I've now had 2 miscarriages at 7 weeks, 1 ectopic, and 2 chemical pregnancies.
A week or two before my miscarriage, a lot of weird things were going on with my body. I had an allergic reaction and my eyes blew up with hives up and down my arms. We could not narrow down what the reaction came from.. I continued all my meds and I was fine and it didn't happen again.
A few days later, at 5w5d I noticed swelling in my ankles around lunch time at work and I sit all day, so I thought that was odd.. I kept an eye on it all day and it progressively got worse. Spread to my feet first, then up both legs. My calves were literally double their normal size. I went to urgent care and they sent me to the ER to rule out a blood clot because the swelling was so bad. I was fine, no blood clot but no answers either.
I remembered this happened to me slightly (just feet and ankle swelling, and it went away with elevation) during my first pregnancy that I also miscarried at 7 weeks. I knew I took a picture to send to my husband so I ended up finding the picture and checking the dates, I was exactly 5w5d.. the same as this time and I miscarried a week later also.
My Dr thought that was more than just a coincidence and immediately said "We need to turn over every stone and make sure you don't have an autoimmune disease" Our appointments go fast and there's always so much info being thrown at me that I usually get to my car and think of 100 questions I should've asked.
If you saw a Rheumatologist after recurring pregnancy loss, what did they check for? Did you test positive for anything? Did it help with your protocol and end in a live birth?
​
TLDR; Multiple losses, being referred to Rheumatology.

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It starts of following multiple people; a pair of cops, an alcoholic woman, and a man who can camouflage his skin color like a octopus, and a fat man. There is genetic modification in this book as well as a virus or epidemic going around as the plot point. I read this book maybe around 2010-2013 it had a very shiny book cover that was blue and white where I think the white was the name of the book and authors name and that part was slightly raised. I remember buying it at a dollar general with the spinning racks of books for maybe 5 dollars. I read this book like 5 times because it was so confusing and I think that's why I remember so much but can't quite put it together. The cover also might have been an picture of earth but I'm not sure I just remember if light hit that book at a certain angle it would shine. It was a paperback book that was really thick must have been like 500 pages it wasn't long more short and wide.
• The pair of cops are both male. One is an older overweight married man and the the other a younger fit male. The younger guy comments about how the older male should watch his weight since if he is found to be overweight he will be sent to this type of encampment rehabilitation type thing where he will have to lose the weight. He also seems to hint that his figure gaining this much weight is due to his wife's cooking and the cop not looking out for his figure. The older cop does not go to the encampment thing for his weight in the end.
• The alcoholic woman is in a messy apartment surrounded by empty bottles of alchol hiding when she is taken by force by some type of law enforcement. The sent her to the encampment rehabilitation type thing to solve her drinking problems. She is described to be very thin and have pink hair and has been sent to this rehabilitation camp multiple times. She seems angry because she knows that the only reason she is sent this time was because of the person in charge of the encampment so that might mean there is a limit to how many times they can go. The girl ends up being called to the person in charges office, during the physical exercise time, were she proceeds to have sex with him and it is discovered he had her sent here so he can keep seeing her. While they are in the office people rush in and say there is a weird fog approaching that's affecting everyone. She runs away somehow with the fat guy from the camp to the area where his parents live because that area seems to not yet be affected.i think the cop pair shows up for a brief part when the camp was about to be affected but I'm not sure.
• The camouflage guy I don't thing was sent to the encampment thing but he did seem to be hiding from the cop pair earlier. He did have daddy issues since his dad was a magician and used to use the camouflage ability of his as a part of his act but when his son couldn't control his well and his comflouage colors changed based on his mood he would get mad. So to hide in society he uses face or body paint since he can't control his camouflage skills well.
• The fat man seems to be a recluse he gets sent to the encampment thing to lose weight. During the encampment he stares a lot at the alcoholic girl will they do physical exercise and she straight up asks him if he wants to fuck her. His parents are also well of in this sorta gated community. His mother is a scientist or bioengineer. His dad I don't remember to well what he does but he plays a big part in solving the epidemic that spreads.
We find out later the mother is part of the cause of the disease. The father finds out the gated community is producing these intelligent generation of kids by genetically modifying them when they are still in the womb. The are ranked the top out if all schools no one is below a certain level in that school and if they are they get kicked out (might be just the school or even the gated community I don't remember). Somehow though there is this virus in a test tube that is the cause of it and I believe she is on the team to find the cure. The husband tries to get into her work building and talks with the wife's boss, once inside, and is held at gunpoint while the boss turns out to be evil and explains why this is happening but they end up in a fight the husband ends up shooting the boss fatally. The boss does not instantly die but pees his dress pants and says he doesn't want to die. The husband moves on to the lab of his wife and she is in a hazmat suit with the vial of the virus in her hand. I believe she's alone I don't know if it's because she was left alone or everyone else died on the research team. Stuff happens as they confront each other but I remember for some reason she takes of her hazmat suit to save him for some reason. Than it does a time jump were it seems to imply the man was able to live a very long life (thanks to bioengineering) and is pushed in a wheelchair by a pink haired girl (not sure if it's the alcoholic girl or her decendant). It also implies he is the savior of humanity. No one else from before is mentioned this time jump was about a page and that's it most of it is very vague.
Please help me find this. The amount of times I've tried to find this and have come up empty makes me feel like I legitimately just made this up.

I'll be leaving uni for home in a few days time, but I just got off the phone after talking with my parents and siblings and had felt triggered about the past 2 years and how I almost commited suicide because of all the stress and pressure of putting up with what had transpired. For context, I'm 24 (F) in my last year of uni, and I have two brothers 30(M) and (5M) who live with my parents (Both in their late 50's), who live in the country side. I had been diagnosed with heart disease when I was in highschool and since then things have been tough for me, with losing all my weight and having to go through three different schools just to complete high school because of my health, but since then I have got the hang of taking care of myself and my symptoms, I have gained weight, made it to uni (which was a suprise not only to myself but my teachers as well) and am almost done with uni, and I could not be prouder. However, this past week has been a roller coaster, with thoughts of committing suicide lurking in every corner, I didn't know why at first but after talking to my parents on the phone bits of memories came flooding back to me about how I thought I reached my point of living and that my heart was gonna give out any moment or that it would be better if I'd just off myself with that sharp knife in the corner by slitting my wrists open. You see, my mum had this really bad lung infection the Christmas of 2022 while I was home for the holidays, and I took on most of the responsibility of taking care of her from 5am in the morning to the next morning where I'd sleep at 3am after ensuring she was okay, then wake up to do it all again. Don't get me wrong, I loved taking care of my mum, it made me happy that I could be there when she was at her weakest to lend her the strength and care she deserved after taking care of me all these years. It all happened one afternoon when my brother has come home afted being gone all day and did not even receive an earful from my parents (or mainly my dad) like I did for being out for just 2 hours to unwind from taking care of my mum and nursing her back to health all while not having any contact with friends or the outside world then our yard for almost 2 months, I was called selfish by my dad and told that my actions were stupid that if my mum would die I'd look stupid crying for her just like my mum's sister who chose to go out and meet friends the day her father died, that I was supposed to be at home with mum taking care of her. My dad is a stay at home dad, my older brother dropped out of college and my mum is the sole bread winner of the family. While my mum was sick, my dad would get groceries, attend to church meetings, ensure the yard was kept clean lend a hand when it was needed with caring for mum while my brother ate, slept on time, had time to meet friends, throw his plates in the sink without washing them and not lending a hand with helping mum. Meanwhile I spent my days bathing her, dressing her, feeding her, massaging her body, changing her hot water in her mugs to ensure she stayed hydrated because that's all she could drink without coughing , cleaning her sleeping area and sanitizing it everytime she had to go to bed after a warm bath as well as watching over her as she slept to ensure her pillows were placed in a way that didn't obstruct her airflow all while also ensuring that everyone's laundry was done and put away, food was cooked and served, plates were washed and put away, my little brother was cared for also while doing part of my dad's work around the house to ensure he got enoughg sleep at night, since we lived by the country side there were a lot of chores to do around the house as most of the things were done manually or by hand. I did this until she got back on her feet and was able to do little things around the house without my help. After a week or two when my mum had improved told my parents that I'll be gone the next day after lunch to see my friend and that normally before mum got sick Friday was a free day for me that I get an off day of doing house work. So the day came, I dressed up (I felt pretty after not being able to do that in a whole) and left after ensuring that my big brother was home to assist mum whenever she needed and also checked on my mum to see if she was okay and that she didn't need my help before I stepped out of the house at 2pm. The walk to my friend's house felt like heaven, with sun in my face, the breeze on my face and the skip in my step. I spent the afternoon talking, laughing and having a good time with my friend before going home at 5pm, happy and satisfied that the day had brought me so much joy and relieved my stress. I got and came in with a big Hello, to everyone in the house, my dad didn't say anything, he just sat there looking so mad. And that's when he proceeded to call me selfish and compare me to my mother's sister all while my mother and brother sat there saying nothing, I atleast thought they would've spoken up to say that I needed the break, but they didn't. I cried as ai stood there listening to my dad utter out harsh words until I couldn't listen to him anymore. I proceeded muster up a less shaky voice and said the following "I apologies for going out to see my friend and I apologies mum and dad it won't happen again, but the thing is I needed this, after taking care of mum and the house I just needed a break. My brother gets to go out, meet friend and talk to them and even stay out till late but he never gets scolded but when I do it's different. I do everything in this house, I take care of mum, wash all of your clothes, cook the food, feed you all and even wash up after everything and you big brother can't even wash your own plate or lend a hand. Oh and dad I spend the time I get after mum finally rests during the day to do some of your chores to cut down the amount of time you spend doing them in order for you to get a good night's rest and I go to sleep early in the morning just to wake up after 2 hours and do it all again. So I'm sorry that I had to go out, but I really needed it." After saying all that, I went up to my room and cried the whole night. The next morning I came downstairs at 10am to find my dad washing up and my mum on her phone, it was a quiet day, I thought my brother was in his room, then the we got heard that he had actually left in the morning to go visit my aunt who is a 30 minute drive from our house, where he spent the day hanging out with friends and cousins before coming back home at 6pm with my grandma who came to spend a week with us. My dad upon hearing the news that my brother was had left in the morning just shook his head and said that my brother should have stayed and lend a hand around the house, but after my brother got back I was hoping he'd get the same scolding my dad gave me, well that never happened. I went to my mum and asked her why wasn't daddy scolding my big brother and she did not say anything so I spoke up and said aloud, "wow, so I get a scolding for staying out for just 3 hours but he gets to stay out for an entire day without helping out around here and he gets welcomed home?" I then went to my room because I didn't want them to see the tears that started to fall, then it hit me when I was in my room crying, everything that happened over the years on how differently I was treated, my accomplishments my birthday's and even my sickness. It hit me how differently I was treated, my brother had big graduation foods prepared and his graduations were celebrated from primary all the way to high school and little courses while I just had a well done from my parents even after taking in prices since I was in elementary, thought they'd take me out to eat a celebratory lunch after my high school graduation because it was the hardest part of my life to pass but all I got was a disgusted look and a 'thats what your wearing?' after at my graduation after I took my gown off to take pictures. I can't remember the time I blew out candles for my birthday or when a party was thrown for me, but my brother somehow has a cake for most of his birthdays and he had a really big party once with four big cakes, a whole roasted pig, lots of food and even had all his friends invited. When i reaches the age of 14, the same age he was when my parents threw him a party, I thought I'd have the same too, but I didn't, and still had not one party until I turned 24. The day I turned 23, was a month after my mum got better, I spent the whole day cooking for everyone, was wished happy birthday after realising it was my birthday, I then told them I'd come down to eat later after I take a nap and that they should serve the food and leave mine on the dining table. I came down to find they ate most of the food, and I was only placed only a bit of food in my plate. I got mad and hit my plate on the table with just a little food spilling over, my dad saw this and screamed at me and told me that my future husband would beat me up and that my life will be miserable and bad because of what I did. Well you guessed it, I went back to my room crying, and that blade in my bag looked so tempting against my wrists. I also remember when my brother dropped out of college that I was blamed by my parents, with my dad telling me on my way back from the grocery store that I'm the reason my brother ended up like how he is because they show me too much favour growing up. And when my big brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after dropping out of college after misuse of alcohol and drugs my mum religiously took to the internet to search for diets, information and everything to do with it until he became better and she continued doing so for every little sickness like flu, meanwhile my heart disease was never on her search list. She even signed up for YouTube videos and lessons on everything to do with my brother health, and mind you my heart disease was diagnosed 6 years before he got bipolar. I left for school after the holidays, still exhausted and stressed from the entire experience. My body had reached its lowest point, I could feel my heart was tired, I was ready to die in my bed in my dorm, I had made peace that if my heart passed out before while rest I'd be okay with it. That's third year of uni was hell for me, my body never really recovered, I kept getting sick, had malaria countless times as well as typhoid three times in a row the same year. The stress combined with with the state of my immunity caused me to be sent to various medical officers and clinics to get my blood samples and x-rays to find what was wrong with me, why after being treated and cured my body felt sick. They thought I had tuberculosis, others thought I had STI's but all tests came back negative, and mind you all these tests cost money and my parents weren't happy with what they were spending for me to get this tests. It came to a point when I called my mum to tell her that I feel really sick and I'm stressed with my assignments, only for her to say "you're always sick, everytime we call you're sick. Don't you know we're tired of this, stop trying to get sick!". I'm tired of getting sick too mum, I thought to myself as I got off the call and stared at the pile of medicine Infront of me prescribed by the doctor as well as my heart meds, and they were too much, my mum's words over the phone kept playing in my head I I got my the blade on my study table and pressed it into my left wrist lightly drew it over to cut the skin, the pain felt soothinf, calming even, then I wondered how it would feel if I placed the knife on my study table and fell on it to pierce my heart, would the pain feel good? Would the thoughts stop? Would mum stop complaining? Would they mis me? What would happen to my body? Then I thought better of it and wrote in my dairy ro stop myself from doing ealxactly that then I was distracted by my medicine Infront of me with thoughts of "they would never know if you take all these and overdose, it'll be a painless death." The remainder of third year continued like these, with sickness and suicide thoughts until I went for job internship at a company I've always wanted to work in and life was good because i didnt for home for the holidays and I spent the holidays at school in my little dorm room with friends who looked out for me. Then 2024 rolled around and I'm properly rested, no stress and I'm happy. That's is until a month ago when my parents bought me my ticket to go back home to see them for the holidays that I spiralled, I had completely locked those memories away, but after every phone call this past month I'm left a crying mess with flashes of words said and feelings felt during that time and I go back to thinking of suicide. I nearly commited suicide on the 16th of may, i was truly gonna go throught with it, I wanted to so bad if only I did not see the bible verses in front of me amd if my roommates hadn't come back early. But I know, if I do go home now, I might actually commit suicide, if something like what happened in the past happens again, or if they say another harsh word, I wouldn't think twice of dying, because I'm done, I truly am.

I was sure they had one. Last week I went to a Coach Outlet and I was sure they had them there, but everytime I try to look for them online there's nothing. There's no pictures, I've seen nobody has bought one, it's not on any site.
I held the wallet in my hands and looked at the tag but it was out of my price range that day. So I ended up getting the cherry slim ID card case which was 50% off. But lately I've been thinking, "what if the blueberry wallet was also on sale and I just didn't see the sign?"
I've been looking for days and haven’t found anything. So I'm just wondering if anyone has seen it so I know I'm not going insane. Or if anyone has a link?
Edit: They closest wallet I can find to it is the banana zip card case (Style number CR833). It's the same style just bananas.

I don’t know why I feel like I need to write all this down, but I do. After all this shit I’m just tired and I don’t know how to describe it. I forgot to take my ADHD medicine before work so it’s gonna be a disorganized mess of a post.
March 2020 the girl I was with for almost 8 years (I’m 31 this year) left me, pretty sure it was for another guy since they started dating roughly 2 or 3 weeks later, so I had to move back home. No big deal I wasn’t very broken up about it. April 2020 rolls around and my granddad finally loses the fight with dementia and end stage kidney disease. That hurt and I still feel it from time to time.
A few months later I started dating a girl I knew from high school around the time I turned 26. She had a daughter with a guy that wasn’t in the picture. I was wary about that but talked to my cousins wife about it (she doesn’t pull punches when she talks to me plus he has a daughter from a previous marriage) and decided to try the relationship anyway.
So we decide to become a family and move in together. Huge mistake. It doesn’t take long for the strings to start unraveling after that. Nasty ass fights constantly. It was bad enough I could time it like clockwork. Every 3 days. Of course I would be the source of all the worlds evil, selfish, narcissistic, and her ex was so much better than me at everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Got told she would set my truck on fire in the yard and all that lovely stuff. But when it was good it was good.
2022 my grandmother, the wife of the granddad that passed 2 years before, died of kidney failure during chemo treatments. The girl was kind enough to hold me up in the hallway when I got the call because my legs completely gave out. This would be used against me in an argument later.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2023 and my life as I knew it completely dissolved. We started sleeping in separate rooms, didn’t really talk to each other stuff like that. She decided she was going to take her daughter and rent a house to try and fix her relationship with her daughter and we would try and start our relationship over. According to her we could still have sex though. Got told she was obligated to spend time with me on my birthday. Finally she just started staying at her parents house about 10 minutes away. That lasted for maybe a month.
My hand got injured about the same time, so I had to quit working out too which didn’t help my plummeting mental health. Had my first mental breakdown then, and she told me I wasn’t a man because I was too weak for her and the whole situation. Had my second mental breakdown at work a month later and had to take a mental health leave, get put on antidepressants and start cognitive behavioral therapy. Then start seeing a psychiatrist too to see if I also have dipolar disorder. So that’s depression, anxiety, adhd, bipolar disorder, emotional dysregulation, and executive dysfunction.
Losing her didn’t hurt. Losing a daughter that wasn’t mine damn near killed me. I was the only dad she ever had. I saw a whole new side of life I’d never even thought about before.
Here I am a year later and the depression has gotten better, but now my self esteem is in the negative. I never had a sense of self worth but that got worse too. I did realize though that I dealt with what I’ve dealt with because I didn’t want to be alone so bad. From what I’ve learned, that ties back to not having a sense of self worth thinking so negatively about myself. I guess I just wanted someone to love me so bad I’d deal with whatever I had to even if I knew I shouldn’t have been in the relationship to start with. Now I have a house that I hate in a city away from my friends and family, financial problems left to me by my ex fiancé, and Im internally a mess.
I’m lonely but I love the freedom of being alone. I can’t look at women at all anymore. I’ll do anything to avoid having to look at a woman I’m not related to, and I do it subconsciously even though I’m aware it happens. Can’t do anything to stop it though. But I’m trying to discover old things I used to enjoy like anime and drawing and reading. Trying to make myself better inside and out. Everything feels hollow though. The only positive I’ve gotten out of this is an extremely low tolerance for disrespect.
Also, I don’t think I didn’t do anything wrong in that last relationship either. I did make mistakes and mess up too. I’ve never been silent about what I did wrong, or what I could’ve done better. I’m not trying to play saint on it. I’m self aware enough and I do hold myself accountable for my thoughts and actions. I realize the post reads like I’m trying to paint her as the villain, but I’m not.

37, type 2 diabetic (BS well managed with ozempic and insulin after years of barely tolerating metformin), PTSD, ASD, OCD, ARFID, PMDD. NB/AFAB. Fat, muscular, active. believe in health at every size and ability. big maintenance phase fan.
i have been dealing with alternating sinus and gum infection for last 5 months.
i'm posting here bc i just discovered this subreddit and think it's dope. also bc my therapist told me not to go on google and im an idiot (as you'll soon see) and now have myself freaked out. also terrible self advocate and blew it at the health center today IRL, so why not go talk to strangers on the interne.
respiratory history- off and on but more on 10 year spliff smoker (never a pack a day- 5/day max), quit for several months at a several times the last several years, but keep falling off the wagon like an idiot. use thc tincture to avoid smoking. also feels relevant to share that i have always lived in wood heat houses. i def have had exposure to plenty of badly vented houses, smoke, mold, n other toxins over the course of 17 years of dirtbag life. i have treated my lungs terribly for too long, i know. last two years i have been living in an early 90s double wide with kerosene heat and discovering how incredible it is to just turn up a thermostat.
timeline - maybe too detailed but fuck it
2020- didn't complete a course of antibiotics for a boil, it resolved and i stopped early. short time later had the first and worst gum infection of my life. imagine trying to get a dentist appt in summer 2020 in a rural area. anyways. took full course of antibiotics, resolved, bought a power toothbrush, great.
2021- dx type 2 diabetes, ARFID
2023- dx ASD
jan 2024- start having these insane night sweats- absolutely drenched, sheets wet, skin running with sweat like i've been ina sauna. perimenopause?! da fuq. PC says yup maybe perimenopause.
feb 2024- go to dentist with gum infection, dx periodontal disease, prescribed 250mg amoxicillin and 250mg metronidazole, referred to periodontist
a few days later, see PC for regular check up, she ups amoxicillin to 500mg
a week later, see periodontist who agrees infection is not fully resolved after antibiotics. she applies antibiotic pellet directly into gums. infection fully resolved, periodontists gives all clear.
april 2024- get sick from work (i do mask), resolved but lingering sinus infection. PC prescribed z pack
may 2024- last few weeks have been feeling tender gums, feel like i have a sore throat, lungs feel sore/infected, ears clicking, neck, chest, jaw, all feel achey and tender. armpit groin knee and elbow all feel sore/overused. exhausted, fatigued, can't sleep enough. everything is hard. i usually come home from work and work in the gardens til dark but now i feel like i just need to come in and rest. headache a lotta days. had a few ticks crawling, no bites but sometimes it's hard to know. make appt, PC can't see me but i see a new NP. tick borne panel comes back negative, blood work looks decent but kinda high WBC (? it was 11.9) an low MCV/MCH, borderline anemic. prescribed 10 day course of augmentin 125mg 2 x day.
wednesday- i call on day 7/10 of antibiotics to report no change (boogers are less bloody but otherwise same). schedule for appt friday
today-friday- see NP again (PC booked out). NP agrees antibiotic should have helped by now, advises i can stop (im scared and don't want to plus tmrws the last day). NP suggests we can check blood work again, add thyroid and autoimmune to the list, doesn't redo tick bourne panel. suggests allergy meds (i've never had seasonal allergies but it's been a bad pollen season?). discuss mental health and recent intense stress with housing issues. brings up fibromyalgia, given the tenderness in multiple body parts and stress. i start to cry and shes very nice and gives me tissues. we agree to start with blood tests and allergy meds. i don't want to be an AH, i like this NP even tho im more comfortable with my PC. it just feels crappy to hear those things as possible answers. esp the FMS one- yes im afab and "overweight"- but why does it feel like the first suggestion is always FMS?. i know this isn't a tv show but can't we rule a few more things out? i've met my deductible for the year ppl let's go. lol. but seriously- FMS is all 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🤷‍♀️🤷🏼‍♂️ prescribing low impact excercises mediation and reduce stress. like ok??? and?! y is women's health so mysterious and under researched. /rant
anyways. i can see my blood work results tonight as they come back. pretty much the same as two weeks ago, high WBC and low MCV/MCH. thyroid, vit d, rheumatoid all average.
so i go on the google like a dumbass. and obvi ok- i know i shouldn't. i need to stop. and at the same time i can't help but feel like i have a lot of early warning signs for something serious. this doesn't fee like FMS. this feels like infection- heavy and tender. maybe i don't understand FMS, maybe i'm talking out of my ass with all of this bc i don't know the full picture. but from what i've read, gum disease def infect diff parts of the body and i've now had 4 rounds of antibiotics (1st scripts, pellets, zpack, 2nd scripts) in the course of 5 months and im not better. is breath work and allergy meds gonna heal me or do i ned to be hitting a panic button before something (idk what but something!) goes to town on me? the comorbidities got me stresssing yall.

Before I went to the department, I asked my mother yes or no, do you want me to make a report because when this happens I know that the aftermath will fall on us. My mother was against the idea of reporting. She's terrified if the neighbors would come start shooting at the house or come over start beating us up. We shouldn't do anything; the neighbors would leave since they wouldn't be able to afford their rent any longer since they don't own a garbage can city would fined. The neighbors have been apparently putting their trash in our trash can.She doesn't want to deal with the aftermath of the last time when animal control was called. The kids have been throwing their trash all over the properties, threw a slushy drink in front of my car, trying to break our things, going in the backyard of one property, and keyed one of the cars. My mother told me to ask her husband what his opinion was, and he agreed the dog constantly gets outside; they can't keep the dog contained, and the dog bit someone. What would happen if the dog gets a hold of one of the kids?
Afterwards, when I got the okay, I went to the animal control/police department. I told the animal control, Sarah, everything. I showed her proof of everything, showed the dog bite, the pictures, videos, everything I had from the dog. I told her I was afraid of what will happen, explaining my mother's worries and telling her if I do something and the neighbors do something to my family, I feel like I would be responsible. Sarah told me this dog has been a nuisance, constantly getting out, attacking your fence, dogs, and even attacked a person. This is a dangerous dog. I 100% recommend for you to make a report. What would happen if it gets hold of one of the kids? Do you want to take that chance? It's important to prioritize safety, especially when it comes to the well-being of the children in the neighborhood. I even talked to a police officer about what the kids have been doing. He said that if they are doing what they're doing, call us no matter how many times. It's our job. You can't take that risk having the dog out. I would recommend buying more cameras in case they are doing what they're doing. We can assign tickets call DHS on the kids. I asked Sarah if the dog has its vaccinations in case I need to know if it has any diseases I need to know about. Sarah told me when she went there the neighbor didn't have the vaccinations records, and when the neighbor picked up the dog, they are supposed to show that it has its shots. Apparently, the dog pound didn't have it or lost it when they picked up the dog. For the citations Sarah gave to the neighbor, they were supposed to go to court. The neighbor never went, so they were assigned another court date.So when Sarah called the neighbor and asked them if her dog was kept up on its shots, Sarah said they knew what was up. The neighbor said, "My dog hasn't been home for over a week."
After the report was made, I called my mom straight away to tell her to stay inside because it's about to get crazy. An hour later, my mother called me saying they were banging on the door, screaming, yelling, and one of her kids was at the door for some reason. I don't know why my mother answered the door. They were yelling at her, saying that we called animal control because of a dog bite. "You're lying, my dog didn't bite anyone," they said. My mom told them, "Yes, your dog bit my daughter, but I didn't call them."And they were accusing my mother of calling the police on them that one time her kids were all fisting fighting on the street my mother denied calling. Her daughter started calling mom a liar. I'm not sure of the full story; my mother told me they just kept screaming and yelling at her she ended up shutting the door when they kept yelling. She's afraid to go outside, and they are going to destroy her plants. I called my brother-in-law to stay with my mother so she wouldn't be alone.
Right now I'm looking into buying security cameras. I heard this one is good, RLK8-410B4-5MPF. I've never set up security cameras before, so I'm definitely looking up how to set one up. If someone has any advice on what to do in this situation, I would greatly appreciate it. I need all the advice I could get.

So, before I started Contrave, I was craving blueberry waffles and pancakes like crazy. I would down 8 to 10 at a time several nights a week. After 4 weeks in I am not constantly thinking about eating blueberry anything much anymore, however, I still have a voracious appetite and will down a pound of protien at a time on top of several bowls of cereal. Will this likely stop if I continue to stick the course?

DAY: MAY 30 2024
5-30-2024

WHAT ARE NOOTROPICS AND DO THEY REALLY BOOST YOUR BRAIN?

Humans have long been searching for a “magic elixir” to make us smarter, and improve our focus and memory. This includes traditional Chinese medicine used thousands of years ago to improve cognitive function. Now we have nootropics, also known as smart drugs, brain boosters or cognitive enhancers. You can buy these gummies, chewing gum, pills and skin patches online, or from supermarkets, pharmacies or petrol stations. You don’t need a prescription or to consult a health professional. But do nootropics actually boost your brain? Here’s what the science says. What
5-30-2024

STUDY REVEALS IMPORTANT HEALTH MARKERS

BIPS has made significant progress in identifying health markers that are crucial for a long and healthy life. Led by Prof. Dr. Krasimira Aleksandrova and in close collaboration with the German Institute of Human Nutrition Potsdam-Rehbruecke (DIfE), the research provides valuable insights for healthy aging. In the study published in the journal Age and Ageing, Aleksandrova and her team analyzed specific combinations of molecular markers reflecting various biological processes as possible indicators of healthy aging. The focus was particularly
5-30-2024

STUDY SHOWS AI HEALTH COACH LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE AND BOOSTS ENGAGEMENT IN PATIENTS WITH HYPERTENSION

Architecture of data transmission. Participant data were collected from Bluetooth-enabled blood pressure (BP) monitors, wearable devices, and a mobile app–based questionnaire. Data were uploaded through the respective application programming interfaces (APIs) to our app server, where the individualized analysis was carried out before delivering recommendations to participants. A new study in JMIR Cardio shows that a fully digital, artificial intelligence (AI)–driven lifestyle coaching program can effectively reduce blood pressure (BP) in adults with hypertension. This AI-based program leverages data from wearable activity trackers and
5-30-2024

SNAPPING PHOTOS OF OUR FOOD COULD BE GOOD FOR US, STUDY SUGGESTS

New Curtin University research reveals taking pictures of food isn’t just content for our social media feeds, but could be the key to improving people’s diets. The feeding study saw researchers measure the weight of meals, which were then provided to participants over a day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. “Accuracy of energy and nutrient intake estimation versus observed intake using four technology-assisted dietary assessment methods: a randomized crossover feeding study” was published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Participants compared different technology-assisted methods to recall what they had
5-30-2024

PARENTS ARE INCREASINGLY SAYING THEIR CHILD IS ‘DYSREGULATED.’ WHAT DOES THAT ACTUALLY MEAN?

Welcome aboard the roller coaster of parenthood, where emotions run wild, tantrums reign supreme and love flows deep. As children reach toddlerhood and beyond, parents adapt to manage their child’s big emotions and meltdowns. Parenting terminology has adapted too, with more parents describing their child as “dysregulated.” But what does this actually mean? More than an emotion Emotional dysregulation refers to challenges a child faces in recognizing and expressing emotions, and managing emotional reactions in social settings. This may involve either suppressing emotions or displaying exaggerated and intense emotional responses
5-30-2024

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SHYNESS AND SOCIAL ANXIETY?

The terms “shyness” and “social anxiety” are often used interchangeably because they both involve feeling uncomfortable in social situations. However, feeling shy, or having a shy personality, is not the same as experiencing social anxiety (short for “social anxiety disorder”). Here are some of the similarities and differences, and what the distinction means. How are they similar? It can be normal to feel nervous or even stressed in new social situations or when interacting with new people. And everyone differs in how comfortable they feel when interacting
5-30-2024

EYE EXERCISES TO IMPROVE SIGHT—IS THERE ANY SCIENCE BEHIND THEM? AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST IS SKEPTICAL

You may have seen advertisements claiming to eliminate the need for eyeglasses through vision therapy or vision training—basically, eye exercises. These exercises include putting pressure on or palming the eye; eye movement exercises; or straining to read by using the wrong prescription glasses to “train” the eyes. As a professor of ophthalmology—and as an eye doctor who has seen thousands of patients—I can tell you that no study to date shows strong evidence that these exercises eliminate the need for glasses or offer any long-term significant benefits. The science simply
5-30-2024

HOW COMMUNITY STRESS AFFECTS BLACK AMERICANS’ MENTAL HEALTH AND WELL-BEING

Residential segregation is an example of the long history of structural racism in the United States. Black Americans are more likely to live in low-quality neighborhoods, which contributes to disparities in health outcomes. A new study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign looks at how community stress affects the mental and emotional health of Black men and women in the U.S. “Community stress refers to the effects of living in disadvantaged areas. This includes objective aspects, such as buildings in disrepair and lower median income. There is also a subjective
5-30-2024

GENE VARIANTS FORETELL THE BIOLOGY OF FUTURE BREAST CANCERS, STUDY FINDS

A Stanford Medicine study of thousands of breast cancers has found that the gene sequences we inherit at conception are powerful predictors of the breast cancer type we might develop decades later and how deadly it might be. The study challenges the dogma that most cancers arise as the result of random mutations that accumulate during our lifetimes. Instead, it points to the active involvement of gene sequences we inherit from our parents—what’s known as your germline genome—in determining whether cells bearing potential cancer-causing mutations are recognized and eliminated by
5-30-2024

PTSD, ANXIETY IS RISING AMONG COLLEGE STUDENTS

America’s college students seem to be more stressed than ever, with a new report finding a sharp rise in cases of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and acute stress disorder (ASD) on campuses across the country. In a “national sample of U.S. college students, we found a notable increase in the prevalence of PTSD and ASD,”
5-30-2024

NIGHT OWL BEHAVIOR COULD HURT MENTAL HEALTH, SLEEP STUDY FINDS

Night owls, brace yourselves. A new study by Stanford Medicine researchers has found that following your natural inclination to stay awake until the early morning hours is a bad choice for your mental health. In a survey of nearly 75,000 adults, researchers compared the participants’ preferred sleep timing, known as chronotype, with their actual sleep behavior. They determined that regardless of one’s preferred bedtime, everyone benefits from turning in early. Morning larks and night owls alike tended to have higher rates of mental and behavioral disorders if they stayed up
5-30-2024

STUDY CONFIRMS EFFECTIVENESS OF ‘WATCH-AND-WAIT’ APPROACH TO PROSTATE CANCER

For a large percentage of men with prostate cancer, the tumor may be so slow-growing that doctors advise a “watch-and-wait” approach instead of active treatment. Now, a study of almost 2,200 patients followed for up to a decade finds that for most, that decision may be a wise one. “In this study, 10 years after diagnosis, 49% of men remained free of progression or treatment, less than 2% developed metastatic disease and less than 1% died of their disease,” reported a team led by Lisa Newcomb, a cancer prevention researcher
5-30-2024

RESEARCHERS HARNESS THE POWER OF AI TO MATCH PATIENTS WITH THE MOST EFFECTIVE ANTIDEPRESSANT FOR THEIR UNIQUE NEEDS

Researchers at George Mason University’s College of Public Health have leveraged the power of artificial intelligence (AI) analytical models to match a patient’s medical history to the most effective antidepressant, allowing patients to find symptom relief sooner. The free website, MeAgainMeds.com, provides evidence-based recommendations, allowing clinicians and patients to find the optimal antidepressant the first time. “Many people with depression must try multiple antidepressants before finding the right one that alleviates their symptoms. Our website reduces the number of medications that patients are asked to try. The system recommends to
5-30-2024

NEW CANCER-RELATED FATIGUE TREATMENT GUIDELINES URGE EXERCISE, TALK THERAPY, MINDFULNESS, TAI CHI

The clinical practice guidelines, which came about after an extensive review of 113 published clinical trials by a panel of experts, conclude that doctors should recommend exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based programs, Tai chi, qigong, and American ginseng to reduce fatigue severity during cancer treatment. After completion of cancer treatment, the guidelines also suggest that exercise, CBT, and mindfulness-based
5-30-2024

STUDY FINDS THAT BETTER SLEEP IS ASSOCIATED WITH LOWER LONELINESS

A new study to be presented at the SLEEP 2024 annual meeting found that better sleep health was associated with lower levels of loneliness, and this association was stronger among younger adults. Results indicate that better sleep health was associated with significantly lower total loneliness, emotional loneliness and social loneliness. While better sleep health was associated with lower total and emotional loneliness across ages, this association was stronger for younger adults. However, age did not moderate the association between sleep health and social loneliness. “Loneliness is an urgent public health
5-30-2024

SOCIAL MEDIA USE AND SLEEP DURATION CONNECTED TO BRAIN ACTIVITY IN TEENS

A new study to be presented at the SLEEP 2024 annual meeting found a distinct relationship between sleep duration, social media usage, and brain activation across brain regions that are key for executive control and reward processing. Results show a correlation between shorter sleep duration and greater social media usage in teens. The analysis points to involvement of areas within the frontolimbic brain regions, such as the inferior and middle frontal gyri, in these relationships. The inferior frontal gyrus, key in inhibitory control, may play
5-30-2024

HOW DOES THE WORD ‘NOT’ AFFECT WHAT WE UNDERSTAND? SCIENTISTS FIND NEGATION MITIGATES OUR INTERPRETATION OF PHRASES

When we’re told “This coffee is hot” upon being served a familiar caffeinated beverage at our local diner or cafe, the message is clear. But what about when we’re told “This coffee is not hot”? Does that mean we think it’s cold? Or room temperature? Or just warm? A team of scientists has now identified how our brains work to process phrases that include negation (i.e., “not”), revealing that it mitigates rather than inverts meaning—in other words, in our minds, negation merely reduces the temperature of our coffee and does
5-30-2024

IS GUT HEALTH LINKED TO MENTAL HEALTH? WE KNOW THEY’RE CONNECTED BUT HOW REMAINS A MYSTERY, RESEARCHER SAYS

Rebecca Carrier, associate chair of research in the Department of Chemical Engineering, researches retinal and gut epithelial repair in the Interdisciplinary Science and Engineering Complex on Jan. 24, 2023. It was an act of desperation: A woman with irritable bowel syndrome was looking for relief from her symptoms. She decided to try an at-home fecal microbiota, aka a “poop transplant.” Used to treat C. diff bacterial infections, this treatment can help introduce “good microbiomes” to the gut to ease gastrointestinal symptoms. But the woman told Netflix
5-30-2024

STUDY LINKS SLEEP APNEA TREATMENT AND HAPPIER, HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS

when individuals with obstructive sleep apnea use their positive airway pressure machine more regularly, it benefits their relationship with their partner. Results show that greater adherence to PAP therapy was associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction and lower levels of relationship conflict. Higher sleep efficiency among patients also was associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction as reported by both the patient and their partner. “Recognizing that sleep and sleep disorders have an impact on
5-30-2024

CDC REPORTS THIRD DAIRY WORKER INFECTED WITH BIRD FLU, RISK TO PUBLIC REMAINS LOW

Amid an ongoing outbreak of bird flu in dairy cows, there’s been a third case of H5N1 avian flu confirmed in a dairy worker, U.S. health officials reported Thursday. The previous two human cases—the first in Texas, the second in Michigan, where this latest case also occurred—involved only a brief discomfort of the eyes, linked to conjunctivitis (“pink eye”). However, this third case is the first to present with more typical respiratory symptoms, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noted in a health update. “The patient reported upper
5-30-2024

RECOMMENDATIONS ISSUED FOR PALLIATIVE RADIATION THERAPY FOR SYMPTOMATIC BONE METASTASES

In a clinical practice guideline issued by the American Society for Radiation Oncology and published in Practical Radiation Oncology, evidence-based recommendations are presented for the use of palliative external beam radiation therapy (RT) for symptomatic bone metastases. Sarah Alcorn, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H., from the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, and colleagues developed evidence-based recommendations for palliative external beam RT in symptomatic bone metastases. Five key questions regarding palliative RT were addressed. The authors noted that RT is recommended for managing pain from bone metastases and spine metastases with or without
5-30-2024

CAUSE OF COMMON TYPE OF HEART FAILURE MAY BE DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN AND MEN

Graphical abstract. Credit: Cardiovascular Research (2024). DOI: 10.1093/cvcvae070 A new study from the UC Davis School of Medicine found striking differences at the cellular level between male and female mice with heart failure with preserved ejection fraction (HFpEF). The findings could determine how HFpEF is treated in women compared to men. With HFpEF, the heart muscle contracts normally but the heart is unable to fully relax and refill properly between beats. This condition is known as diastolic dysfunction. It can occur if the heart is too stiff or if the

5-30-2024

CANCER CAN BE CAUSED BY REVERSIBLE MOLECULAR CHANGES, STUDY SHOWS

Though 1 in 2 people will develop some form of cancer in their lifetime, there’s still much we don’t know about this disease. But thanks to continued research efforts, we keep learning more about the biology of cancer. One of these recent discoveries could even transform our understanding of how cancers develop. But before we talk about the new discovery, let’s first discuss the classical theory that attempts to explain why normal cells become cancer cells. This theory posits that DNA mutations are the primary cause of cancers. It’s well
5-30-2024

HOW THE IMMUNE SYSTEM DESTROYS THE CEREBELLUM

Neurologist Professor Dr Kurt-Wolfram Sühs has discovered a new form of severe cerebellitis caused by autoantibodies. Cerebellar ataxia is a neurological disorder of the cerebellum. This important area at the back of the brain acts as a conductor, so to speak, coordinating our movements and keeping us in balance. This ability is impaired in cerebellar ataxia. Affected people can have difficulties walking, speaking and grasping or even with controlled eye movements. In some cases, the damage begins gradually and develops over a period of years.
5-30-2024

PEOPLE WHO ARE EASILY ABSORBED IN AN ACTIVITY MAY HAVE BETTER MENTAL AND CARDIOVASCULAR HEALTH

Have you ever lost all sense of space and time when redecorating a room? How about being so focused while playing an instrument that the worries that weighed you down a minute ago just evaporated? Then you’ve probably experienced “flow.” Flow is a term used in psychology to describe a state of heightened concentration, in which you are completely absorbed in an activity. It exists somewhere between boredom and stress—usually experienced during activities which are somewhat challenging but still meet our skill levels. When we experience flow, we tend to
5-30-2024

SCIENTISTS FIND ‘GOLDILOCKS’ BINDING STRENGTH DETERMINES ANTI-CANCER T-CELL EFFICACY AND FATE

Immunotherapy, treatments that reinvigorate immune cells’ anti-cancer activity or reprogram T cells to target cancer, has shown promise in treating leukemias but has not yet been realized in solid tumors. One reason for the stymied success is the conversion of potential cancer-killing T cells into an inactive “exhausted” state near the tumor. St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital scientists found that how tight a parental T cell grabs a cancer
5-30-2024

IN THE BRAIN AT REST, STUDY INDICATES NEURONS REHEARSE FUTURE EXPERIENCE

Some dreams may, in fact, predict the future: New research has found that during sleep, some neurons not only replay the recent past but also anticipate future experience. The discovery is one in a series of insights afforded by a study on sleep and learning published in Nature by a team of researchers from Rice University and the University of Michigan. The research offers an unprecedented view of how individual neurons in the hippocampus of rats
5-30-2024

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• 5-30-2024UNDERSTANDING PROTEIN MUTATIONS THAT AFFECT GENE EXPRESSION TO PROMOTE CANCER PROGRESSION
• 5-30-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT GASTRIC CANCER SURGERY MAY REDUCE HEART DISEASE RISK
• 5-30-2024STUDY SHOWS EFFECTIVENESS OF UPDATED COVID-19 VACCINES WANES MODERATELY OVER TIME, IS LOWER AGAINST CURRENT VARIANTS
• 5-30-2024SCIENTISTS FIND ‘GOLDILOCKS’ BINDING STRENGTH DETERMINES ANTI-CANCER T-CELL EFFICACY AND FATE
• 5-30-2024STUDY FINDS SUICIDE RATES AMONG CANCER PATIENTS ARE FALLING
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• 5-30-2024STUDY OF 16 COUNTRIES SHOWS HIGHER TAXES WOULD HELP YOUNG SMOKERS QUIT OR CUT DOWN
• 5-30-2024RURAL FAMILIES AND CLINICS FEEL MEDICAID CUTS
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Hello! I used to be an avid buyer of perfumes, but as of late, I’ve settled down; however, I will be going off to college soon, and want to do a last hurrah and buy three full sizes to keep on my wardrobe as gourmand daily drivers. At least that’s how I’m justifying the purchase.
The issue is that, before, I simply went for the most wild scents I could find—which is all well and good for collection and going out’s sake, but something I feel would be unappreciated by whoever I sit next to in class for hours on end. Because of this, nothing really comes to mind as something I’d like to FS for this exact purpose.
I’ve already bought a FS of Kyse’s Delizia Di Marshmallow, but am looking for two more. I want the two others to be wearable and sort of neutral, but also distinct enough from the others.
The initial application of A Whiff of Waffle Cone by Imaginary Authors was close to what I wanted before it promptly dried down into maple syrup and crushed my hopes and dreams, if that helps any.
Some other perfumes I like but don’t fit the bill are:
Horsefeathers by Nui Cobalt Mine by Osmofolia Honored Ghosts by Alkemia Blueberries Crave Home by Arcana
EDPs preferred, esp those with pretty bottles, but I’m not that picky.

**IF THE POST IS STILL UP, IT IS STILL AVAILABLE**
Hello! My roommate and I are looking to sublet both of our rooms in our apartment ASAP
**located in Palms/Culver City** It will run from JUNE 16TH to AUGUST 11TH, exactly eight weeks.
RENT: $2,000/month with a $1,000 security deposit

• Utilities included

Perfect for someone who needs somewhere to stay for a short term this summer in a very accessible location near beaches, grocery stores, gyms, malls, food places, etc.
Less than five minutes away from the I-10 freeway and I-405 highway
Unit Info:

• Two bedroom, one bathroom apartment
  
• Will come semi-furnished (see pictures and description below)
  
• On-site washer and dryers
  
• Two dedicated parking spots available with a garage (tandom)
  
• Parking spot #3
  
• Street parking also available
  
• No A/C unfortunately
  

Furniture:

• Since we are still living here, we still have our personal stuff here, but we sort and clean everything before you move in.
  
• Kitchen will include fridge, microwave, air fryer, toaster, waffle maker, and kettle along with a kitchen table and chairs.
  
• Living room will have a coffee table, TV stand, shoe rack, and small drawer
  
• First bedroom will include bed, desk, and drawer.
  
• Second bedroom will include bed, desk, chair, and shelf
  
• Both bedrooms have their own closet with some storage on top too
  

We will have a lockbox with a code put on the door for you to get keys on move in day.
You will also put the keys back into the lockbox before leaving.
(if keys not found, security deposit will be in jeopardy)
Serious inquiries only! Please private message me if you are interested or if you have any questions.
Thank you!

I've always had the biggest crushes on the fun-sized and buxom ladies in my orbit of friends and now I find myself at a point in my life where I have the time and motivation to potentially do something about that dream.
You ---- Under 5'4" and with ample enough assets to push past the standard first 5 letters of the bra alphabet (F? G? H?!). Witty, flirty, educated, laughs at corny humor, disease, drug and smoke free. Perhaps you share my enthusiasm for the Art of Teasing, lingerie, oral, enjoy extended sessions of foreplay and would love to have a partner focusing extra attention on your breasts and nipples? Bonus points if you might be lactating or want to start.
Proximity to Western/ Central MD and South/ Central PA region would be nice. Mutual attraction is key. I hope to exchange details and SFW pictures relatively early on but I will defer to you on when and how more risqué stuff gets involved.
Me ---- Married, father, Mediterranean Heritage, fit and athletic with nice arms and a runner's butt. Blue eyes, salt and pepper hair with matching beard scruff. Aside from starting my 'silver-fox' stage early - I don't particularly look or feel 40. Disease, drug and smoke free.
You’ve read this far - you're a Champ! If any of the above piques your interest, well - I'd love to chat and learn more about you. No low effort replies please - tell me about your favorite band / artist to break the ice!

I’m new to being diagnosed with blepharitis.
I’m currently being treated with antibiotic eye drops and erythromycin ointment (after a full year of “use heat and eye lubricating drops” and dismissive vibes).
I resorted to a telehealth appointment just before the holiday weekend. I had already seen two eye doctors irl in the weeks before.
My eyelids felt like rug burns - this and redness and just pain in all eye parts - this is why I contacted telehealth.
It’s not getting better much. It varies, but my eyelids are droopy and swollen, my eye balls and my eyelids hurt. Lids are abraded still. It also feels almost like there’s a tiny lash flipped underneath my top eyelid. I dunno if that is eye pain or eyelid.
I’ve been struggling with less acute blepharitis (no raw skin etc.) for a year or more now, probably longer. I didn’t know it was a thing until I asked about my lashes growing in wonky directions about two years ago.
I have had seborrheic dermatitis on my scalp and always use a dandruff shampoo with pyrithione zinc. The edge of my ear is currently red, mad, and a teeny tiny bit crusty/peeling. I also am now fighting back recurrent yeast (mostly thrush) that is now mostly-resistant to fluconazole.
I haven’t officially been diagnosed with rosacea, but I experience facial flushing that one doctor said is between rosacea and a malar rash. So, I guess CTD inflammation plus some of the things that trigger rosacea? So, could yeast be causing a flare up in my eyes?
Given that I have Sjogren’s - first off, are doctors mad, upon seeing me for this, because I haven’t done enough to fix my dry eyes on my own?
I’m quite confident that my eyes will never be moisturized anywhere close to “normal.” My immune system has effectively obliterated most of the factory that keeps eyes moist. Right?
So, I feel stuck and frustrated.
The last doctor I saw in person, I wound up just sitting there, crying, after she said it is only blepharitis and to do the heat four times a day and use more eye drops. Only after doing that for months could I come back to see her.
I tried to explain to her how I don’t look like myself anymore - my eyelids are low and swollen. She said I look perfectly fine. (She’s never met me before this - oh, maybe she meant I’m super hot! Cool never mind! 🙄)
I told her that I keep losing pieces of myself with everything.
She said “You haven’t lost anything.” Not nice, not mean. Clinically.
My eyelashes and brows lost color when I started Plaquenil, and with time/age, are now more sparse.
I have ongoing hair loss and my hairline has receded. (I have PCOS and Hashimoto’s also.)
The fat/volume left my face quickly when I was being diagnosed, and previously unearthed acne scars marred the surface of my face (my mom didn’t recognize me in pictures). Now my face crumples in around the scars when I smile or talk. When I move my face, basically, and it only gets worse with age.
But my lashes used to be the thing people most complimented me on, since I was a baby, for real. My lashes and my eyes. That is what I meant by losing pieces of myself. I have accepted a lot of facial and body changes. Even the lash changes so far, up to now. I still looked like “me” in the eyes. Mostly. With mascara, yes, I could still look like myself.
I’m used to changes but, aside from aging, I thought that new face changes had stopped. So it’s stupidly emotionally upsetting to me.
And so I’m at the eye doctor for help with the thing they told me I have. Since my last eye doctor visit (maybe was plaquenil checkup), over the past two months, I look weird in pictures. People can see the difference if they haven’t seen me since March. This is new.
Sometimes, especially the first time this all flared up, I wake up to a bit of peeled up skin on one eyelid. Sometimes I look like I have pink eye. I mostly cannot wear contacts.
I was also concerned something more was going on, since it seemed to appear one day and rapidly progress. The days I saw each of the two doctors, my eyes were not as red as they were on other days.
My lids drooping so dramatically is the biggest visual difference as far as not looking like myself, and I told the second doctor that I want to rule out MG (other doctors have brought it up and I am supposed to get labs done/antibody testing). Or infection. ‘cause I do not know how this works. I did not know blepharitis could cause what is currently going on with me.
I know this is a small issue compared to all the things people go through with AI and/or eye disease. I know people go blind. I am proactive about it because my mom has a heritable AI eye disease that causes vision loss. I get it. I’m not asking for, like, a free eye/lid lift (not yet, anyway).
I know many/most here have lost the way they used to look. Sometimes the changes are temporary, sometimes it’s for good. Even if it is superficial, it still causes pain.
Of course I would argue that it is not superficial - metaphorically but of course also literally (systemic stuffs even if it’s literally superficial since it’s top layer of tissues). It affects how we feel about ourselves and also how people treat us. I bet a younger and more attractive me without 15 diagnoses would have received far better care and attention from this doctor.
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So, um, what’s the deal with blepharitis?
Will my eyelids and lashes ever go back to how they were? Do you ever get better from it?
Are there treatments that are more aggressive and might fix it for a time? Are there specialists or no because it’s so common? Is it so common?
If anyone would like to share their experience with blepharitis and blepharitis-adjacent things, I would love to hear all about it!
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The doctor I cried at, the second in-person doctor I saw, earlier in the visit, after I mentioned myasthenia gravis concern, asked me what I do for work. Like, as a response to my - I think I told her I tried the ice pack test on my lids and they did go up. “What do you do for a living?”
Inappropriate, at the very least.
I was sad to give my answer, as I usually am, but also a bit happy because I knew I did not have whatever ammunition she was looking for. “Nothing. I do nothing.”
Usually it feels awful, always having to say I am/do nothing. But yeah, it stopped that - line of questioning? She wasn’t asking to be personable.
She took a beat, then asked me, like an accusation, like we’re in a courtroom drama, how I knew about the ice pack test. It was like a gotcha, and she even smiled when I paused, realizing her… I guess entrapment? This lady. Oof, Me, not wanting to say those magic “crazy person” words but knowing I had to answer - “the internet.” You know. Places like right here.
(Oh also I avoid as much as possible using the word “crazy,” but I didn’t know what to use there other than that, because it is so stigmatized and I sure felt it in that moment. So, sorry!)
It always hurts worse, in my experience, to be looked down on and dismissed or degraded by a female doctor, particularly when I am vulnerable, have been open and made myself vulnerable. I think especially when dealing with how I look.
It’s sexist of me to expect something different from a female doctor vs a male doctor. Maybe I’m more prepared to expecting it from a male doctor. Or maybe I don’t share as much. So, it’s my mistake. She’s not my friend.
I wound up getting more help via that random telehealth appointment. I did have to stop the telehealth doctor from factoring in my long list of weird problems and wanting to stop the session and tell me to see a specialist. I told her they did not help me. That all the things, that I don’t care because it is all fine and taken care of by other doctors. I just needed help for blepharitis. This was a new way that I may approach visits in the future.
I mean, I saw two doctors in three weeks. I over-talked, and over-shared concerns, both related to eyelids and eye redness, but also all of my other eye stuff. I guess that is not the best way.
Still, they are so dismissive with blepharitis. When it turns bad, it is kind of a medium-sized eye problem. The info pdf I got from Dr. telehealth had pics of even large-sized eye problems.
I mean obviously and of course also I am depressed. Maybe they are reacting to me over-reacting because depression and anxiety.
I might be less depressed if there was hope of stopping the downward trajectory of this eye issue. If blepharitis is so commonplace, then how do you fix it? The dry eye is never going to get better, afaik, so let’s just, how you say, sidebar the dry eye? Or table it in the context of blepharitis.
Sorry to vent. There are way more serious medical issues to have. But I still have weeping rug burns and I still have anger and hurt feelings.
Maybe the antibiotic made it worse. Is it related to my chronic yeast that is resistant to diflucan? Maybe I will take a diflucan because it still works a teeny tiny bit?
I don’t think I should be the one working on figuring this out on my own. I’m not a doctor - was that the point that eye doctor was making when asking what I do for work? It was either that though I had some kind of job that… is menial? I am a little bit tempted to call and tell on her. Ask why she asked me that.
I must be doing something wrong, at least in how I am communicating with these doctors. Maybe the “Just please fix this one thing because everything else is awesome but thanks for caring” - is that the best way?
I know this is a baby post so I hope the “vent” flair makes that okay! But if you can set me straight in a kind way, please feel free!
I am already regretting posting but I think I should for others who might have also felt such things.
And also blepharitis help/tips - what it is and what… when has it gone beyond blepharitis? Is that a thing?