I know this is wholesome sub but sunno mohalle walo meri aap biti 😂
I have been a good academically and a decent person. I met so many good women in my life, too, whom I dated casually and had a few serious relationships. Except for two times, I exited those serious relationships very early because I didn’t feel anything, so we parted ways on good terms. But do baar mujhe pyaar hua. I will tell you about them only.

1. This is my first love and someone I have known since my childhood. She was the daughter of a relative (I mean my bua’s relative, actually). She used to study at my school too. In high school, she chased me for a year, and finally, I gave in. We started dating; it was my first love, and I was happy. Kasme, waade, sapne bohot dekhe. I was a sort of grounded person; I live in the present and enjoy it thoroughly, but she was futuristic with lots of promises and future dreams. "I will have your kids, we will travel the world," blah blah. I did everything to keep her happy. I used to cook for her, I used to write poems for her, we used to go on dates often, and we traveled. But one fine day, I got an invitation to a wedding. Guess what? It was her wedding. I had so many questions: why, how, when? But I got no closure. I never asked for it. I went to the wedding because it was a family thing, and yeah, I never looked back (this was my longest relationship).
   
2. After few years and meeting so many people, I fell in love again. To be honest, this time we fell for each other during the initial conversations. Again, there were dreams, sapne, waade. She moved to North America for me, and we moved together into a single house. By this time, I had become a pro at cooking, so I used to go to study, then the office, then back home to cook something delicious for us. I can cook any cuisine irrespective of the continent or country. Till now, I have learned many other skills like piano and guitar, so I used to sing for her, play for her, and we used to dance together. Everything was good; we had mutual friends, and we knew a guy mutually. That guy didn’t like me, and I didn’t like him. I did have a problem with things because my ex told me he does not like me. But I don’t own her; I don’t own anyone. Actually, anyone can do anything in their life.
   

So, one fine day, I got a video message. It was them doing the deeds. I was shocked and broken and didn’t understand a thing. I tried to gather courage and be rational. She came back and was trying to talk to me. Then I told her I wanted to break up. She asked me why, and I said I was out of love. She started crying and begging, saying that she loves me. Then she started accusing me and some of my other female friends, implying something was going on. She said, "You used to love me and now want to throw me out. Where would I go? I came here from India for you," and all that stuff. I tried to control myself, but then I gave in and showed her the video. Then she was like, "I am sorry, I love you a lot. You are my life; I want to marry you. He made me drunk and took advantage of me. Please forgive me." At that point, I firmly decided this was it. I told her she could stay till she found accommodation, then I went to my friend's home and stayed there for a few days. But she kept pursuing me. I canceled the lease and changed my house; still, she did the same thing. During this whole ordeal, I had to change my house twice and delete my Instagram, and finally, now I am free.
I don’t know why all this happened. I don’t know what else I could have done so that they didn’t do that to me. Maybe I was not a good partner. There could be any other reasons. But I don’t hold any grudges against them. I wish wherever they are, they are happy.
These experiences were very important for me; they made me who I am today. I don't hold anything against anyone. These are just two instances. In my life, I have met so many amazing women and am friends with them too.
What’s next? I am kinda hopeful that I will find love. But Thik hai, nahi mila to mami Jo karegi Accha hi karegi. But whoever I have in my life, I will look for two qualities in them, no matter how they look or other things: loyalty and the ability to stand for what they believe in. If they leave, they should leave being brave and open about it. I don’t care about other things like distance, looks, status, or whatever else.
TL;DR: I've had a few serious relationships, but two major ones stood out. The first was with my childhood love who suddenly got married to someone else without any closure for me. The second was with someone who moved to North America for me, but she cheated on me with a mutual friend. After discovering this, I ended the relationship and had to move houses and delete social media to get away from her.

I know this sub is for Tinder or dating apps, and my life stories may not have a place here, but I have been following this sub for a long time. So, I wanted to share with you guys. I don’t think I was wrong, but let’s see your perspective too.
I have been a good academically and a decent person. I met so many good women in my life, too, whom I dated casually and had a few serious relationships. Except for two times, I exited those serious relationships very early because I didn’t feel anything, so we parted ways on good terms. But do baar mujhe pyaar hua. I will tell you about them only.
1.This is my first love and someone I have known since my childhood. She was the daughter of a relative (I mean my bua’s relative, actually). She used to study at my school too. In high school, she chased me for a year, and finally, I gave in. We started dating; it was my first love, and I was happy. Kasme, waade, sapne bohot dekhe. I was a sort of grounded person; I live in the present and enjoy it thoroughly, but she was futuristic with lots of promises and future dreams. "I will have your kids, we will travel the world," blah blah. I did everything to keep her happy. I used to cook for her, I used to write poems for her, we used to go on dates often, and we traveled. But one fine day, I got an invitation to a wedding. Guess what? It was her wedding. I had so many questions: why, how, when? But I got no closure. I never asked for it. I went to the wedding because it was a family thing, and yeah, I never looked back (this was my longest relationship).
2.After a few years and meeting so many people, I fell in love again. To be honest, this time we fell for each other during the initial conversations. Again, there were dreams, sapne, waade. She moved to North America for me, and we moved together into a single house. By this time, I had become a pro at cooking, so I used to go to study, then the office, then back home to cook something delicious for us. I can cook any cuisine irrespective of the continent or country. Till now, I have learned many other skills like piano and guitar, so I used to sing for her, play for her, and we used to dance together. Everything was good; we had mutual friends, and we knew a guy mutually. That guy didn’t like me, and I didn’t like him. I did have a problem with things because my ex told me he does not like me. But I don’t own her; I don’t own anyone. Actually, anyone can do anything in their life.
So, one fine day, I got a video message. It was them doing the deeds. I was shocked and broken and didn’t understand a thing. I tried to gather courage and be rational. She came back and was trying to talk to me. Then I told her I wanted to break up. She asked me why, and I said I was out of love. She started crying and begging, saying that she loves me. Then she started accusing me and some of my other female friends, implying something was going on. She said, "You used to love me and now want to throw me out. Where would I go? I came here from India for you," and all that stuff. I tried to control myself, but then I gave in and showed her the video. Then she was like, "I am sorry, I love you a lot. You are my life; I want to marry you. He made me drunk and took advantage of me. Please forgive me." At that point, I firmly decided this was it. I told her she could stay till she found accommodation, then I went to my friend's home and stayed there for a few days. But she kept pursuing me. I canceled the lease and changed my house; still, she did the same thing. During this whole ordeal, I had to change my house twice and delete my Instagram, and finally, now I am free.
I don’t know why all this happened. I don’t know what else I could have done so that they didn’t do that to me. Maybe I was not a good partner. There could be any other reasons. But I don’t hold any grudges against them. I wish wherever they are, they are happy.
These experiences were very important for me; they made me who I am today. I don't hold anything against anyone. These are just two instances. In my life, I have met so many amazing women and am friends with them too.
What’s next? I am kinda hopeful that I will find love. But Thik hai, nahi mila to mami Jo karegi Accha hi karegi. But whoever I have in my life, I will look for two qualities in them, no matter how they look or other things: loyalty and the ability to stand for what they believe in. If they leave, they should leave being brave and open about it. I don’t care about other things like distance, looks, status, or whatever else.
TL;DR: I've had a few serious relationships, but two major ones stood out. The first was with my childhood love who suddenly got married to someone else without any closure for me. The second was with someone who moved to North America for me, but she cheated on me with a mutual friend. After discovering this, I ended the relationship and had to move houses and delete social media to get away from her. These experiences were tough but important, shaping who I am today.

Previously, on rewatcher's diary: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1crl8ks/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_8_to_10/
On today's menu: Ted (2x11), Bad Eggs (2x12), Surprise (2x13), Innocence (2x14).
The quick thoughts: Ted is better than I thought, Bad Eggs proves that even bad Buffy is good TV, I was too tired watching Surprise and Innocence but they're as great as I remember them. On to me having too random thoughts, in a random order.
Ted

• There's a fun bit where Buffy has had enough of Ted, gets out of the house, sits on a swing(?) and calls out "vaaampires? Heeere, vampires." in a "here, kitty kitty" voice, reminiscent of how Spike called for Buffy in School Hard (2x3). Are we suggesting there's a connection between Spike and Buffy?
• When Ted says "you'll spend your best dating days [years?] locked away in a mental institution", that hits harder when you know—from Normal Again (6x17)—that Buffy has already been in an institution.
• I enjoy collecting Terminator references. I don't think "he's a robot" is enough to count. Maybe. Dunno.
• Giles and Jenny talk about how his past actions ended endangering her in The Dark Age (2x8).
• But then Jenny seeking Giles out (while he's out patrolling) results in her endangering and hurting him.
• Giles' past actions got someone killed, mirroring how Buffy (according to her beliefs) got Ted killed. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the surrogate tree.
• Buffy being horrified—first at Ted being Ted and being in her life, and then at having killed him—really stuck with me. That's probably my favorite aspect of this episode: those powerful feels.
• When Buffy is wailing on Ted and chucking him down the stairs, one wonders whether it didn't stop being self-defense at some point.
• On the whole not fantastic, but better than I expected.

Bad Eggs

• Willow and Buffy grow suspicious that there's something going on between Xander and Cordelia. Huh, I wonder where this is going.
• I had forgotten just how funnily awful the chemistry between Xander and Cordelia is.
• In the beginning when Buffy fights one of the Gorch brothers, he does a stunt where his hat falls off while he's falling to the ground and/or is rolling on it, but then he grabs the hat mid-roll and puts it back on before getting up and running away. For my money, that stunt was really fun and a bit cool. He seemed really attached to his hat.
• Eggs, chestbursters, mind/motor control, underground vagina monster. Whatever, meh.
• Meh.
• Oh hey, having sex might have bad consequences. Chekhov's... egg? Foreshadow much?

Surprise

• Willow said "date"!
• I'm more of a Tillow shipper but man Willoz is so god damn cute. Hush: no rush.
• "A: what do you want for your birthday? / B: Surprise me / A: I will". He is truly a man of his word.
• Joyce asks "do you really think you're ready", then drops a plate—first in Buffy's dream, then in reality. I think we'll see further repetitions of this motif in S5.
• Drusilla with blood in the corner of her mouth (in Buffy's dream) is such a great image.
• Gasp, Jenny is not who we thought she was!
• Her suggesting Angel should be the one to get The Judge's arm out of the way is a clever move: it will (or rather: would) drive Angel and Buffy apart, but in a way where Jenny has plausible deniability.
• "[the flowers:] I can't abide them" — Dru, are you high on your own supply? She's sooo much fun.
• Gasp, Buffy and Angel get captured by Drusilla and Spike!
• Brian Thompson returns (yay!) to play his second and final role: The Judge.
• So what's with the dream and the worry about Drusilla killing Angel? Is there a sense in which she did? I think I can connect the dots partially: in Lie to Me (2x7), Angel reveal a dark truth about how he (er, Angelus) drove Drusilla mad and turned her. Drusilla brought out the monster in Angel(us). What "killed" Angel at the end of Surprise was linked to that: the monster coming back out. Yes, the real trigger was him experiencing a moment of happiness (or maybe relief?) with Buffy, but that only happened because Buffy lied to herself about Angel being covered from head to toe in red flags, and the biggest such red flag was Drusilla. I'm not sure this amounts to "Drusilla was instrumental in bringing out Angelus", but she was... related to it, I guess.
• Maybe it just reflects Drusilla's attempt on Angel's (uhhh) life in What's My Line 2 (2x10).

Innocence

• Trio of vampires, assemble! Angelus is back!
• What is it with trios and even-numbered seasons: trio of vampires, trio of initiative bros, trio of nerds. It's a trio of trios.
• Like many others, I like the screen presence of DB-as-Angelus more than DB-as-Angel. Angelus is twisted and evil and awful and... so much fun to watch.
• Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words... actually, it looks to me like it was Angelus' words that cut Buffy the deepest. She looked stone cold when she talked about having to kill Angelus, which was as a consequence of him using sticks and stones.
• In the dream sequence, is the implication that they (Buffy, Angelus, Jenny) are looking at Angel's grave? Did I miss a smoking gun on that? I figure it has to be, since that's the thing that makes the most sense—it shows a recent loss of Buffy's; it shows Angelus having arisen from his metaphorical tomb, i.e. from inside Angel; and given the next events (Buffy going to Jenny) the dream must have incriminated Jenny, but that only makes sense if the dream demonstrates she knew something, and the only knowledge that would incriminate Jenny is knowledge about Angel vs. Angelus.
• When Angelus comes and grabs Willow (intending to kill her), Xander shows his greatest and most consistent two virtues: courage, and his love of his friends. He grabs the cross and confronts the monster to protect his friend, potentially putting his own life at risk. Xander is not the greatest guy but he does have has a great side, and it's good to see it.
• Being brave and taking a cross to Angel(us) mirrors his bravery in Prophecy Girl (1x12), in which he was brave and took a cross to Angel—although taking a cross to Angel wasn't brave in itself, it was part of a bigger act of courage. I'm also thinking of Grave (6x22), during which his courage and his love for Willow saves the day, and there he doesn't even have a cross or other artifact to protect himself. (There are several other instances where we see his love and courage saving the day.)
• Angelus betrayed and murdered Angel. It's like poetry, it rhymes with Star Wars. "Darth Liam"?
• If we blur the Angel/Angelus distinction a bit, we see someone who's in love with Buffy turn to the dark side—i.e. become corrupt on the inside—and then switch their allegiance from the good guys to the bad guys. That kinda' mirrors Faith going dark starting in Bad Girls (3x14) and then siding with the Mayor.
• In the car with Giles, Buffy feels guilty about losing her innocence. (Yes, that was a pun.)
• I would be remiss if I didn't mention that rocket launchers are awesome.

Updated episode tier list

• S-tier: 7 13 14
• A-tier: 9 10
• B-tier: 3 6 > 1
• C-tier: 8 11 > 5
• D-tier: 2 4 > 12

Full disclaimer, I’ve posted this prior on another subreddit in an attempt to widen the net a little bit. This one’s driving me a bit crazy.
OK, bit of a weird one, but I’m at the end of my rope here and I’d really like to remember whatever the hell this book was.
Long story short, when I was a kid (circa 2005-2012, for a general time frame), I had a comedy art book(s?) that featured classic and Silver Age movie monsters in everyday situations and in comedy skits. We’re talking everything from the Bride of Frankenstein to Phantom of the Opera. I also vividly remember classic Godzilla and Mothra being included in this book.
Additionally, a few key details about this book that have been burned into my memory:

• One of the covers featured a full art spread of a lot of Universal’s Monsters - The Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, and (pretty sure) the Mummy, among others - in a lunch line.
  
• Most of this book focused on 1-2 page art pieces of classic monsters in comedic, everyday or unconventional situations. I also remember rhyme poetry with at least the story involving the Phantom of the Opera.
  
• Pretty sure there was a single page dedicated to Mothra. I do not remember the details of that page, other than it featured Mothra.
  
• I literally do not remember if this book was a one-off or if it was part of a series. I’m almost certain there were at least two.
  
• This may be important in narrowing it down, but my ADHD-frazzled mind is convinced that the title featured ‘Ice Cream and Monster Trucks’. I could be confusing that with an art spread that was on the back of one of these books, another book entirely, or it’s just a red herring. Either way, I’m convinced it’s somewhat related.
  

I had this book when I was less than 10 and I lost it in an unrelated incident around 2014-2016. It’s a key aspect of my early childhood that’d I’d love to remember, if only to be sure it wasn’t just a fever dream.
SOLVED: Frankenstein Makes A Sandwich/Frankenstein Takes The Cake, Adam Rex

OK, bit of a weird one, but I’m at the end of my rope here and I’d really like to remember whatever the hell this book was.
Long story short, when I was a kid (circa 2005-2012, for a general time frame), I had a comedy art book(s?) that featured classic and Silver Age movie monsters in everyday situations and in comedy skits. We’re talking everything from the Bride of Frankenstein to Phantom of the Opera. I also vividly remember classic Godzilla and Mothra being included in this book.
Additionally, a few key details about this book that have been burned into my memory:

• One of the covers featured a full art spread of a lot of Universal’s Monsters - The Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, and (pretty sure) the Mummy, among others - in a lunch line.
  
• Most of this book focused on 1-2 page art pieces of classic monsters in comedic, everyday or unconventional situations. I also remember rhyme poetry with at least the story involving the Phantom of the Opera.
  
• Pretty sure there was a single page dedicated to Mothra. I do not remember the details of that page, other than it featured Mothra.
  
• I literally do not remember if this book was a one-off or if it was part of a series. I’m almost certain there were at least two.
  
• This may be important in narrowing it down, but my ADHD-frazzled mind is convinced that the title featured ‘Ice Cream and Monster Trucks’. I could be confusing that with an art spread that was on the back of one of these books, another book entirely, or it’s just a red herring. Either way, I’m convinced it’s somewhat related.
  

I had this book when I was less than 10 and I lost it in an unrelated incident around 2014-2016. It’s a key aspect of my early childhood that’d I’d love to remember, if only to be sure it wasn’t just a fever dream.
UPDATE: Book has been found - Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich/Frankenstein Takes The Cake, by Adam Rex.

To preface this, I have never really considered that I might have ASD because I don't match a lot of the DSM criteria since I don't experience sensory sensitivities, have a need for routine/dislike change, have issues understanding social cues at least from what I am aware of, etc (sorry I know this is a very generalized list of symptoms and I know I have limited understanding of ASD and apologize if it's reductive). I feel as though I am decently able to fit in with others, I'm included in things when I hang out with people and I feel like I could be perceived externally as being NT, but internally I feel very strange and am realizing that the way I process information and my emotions seems really different to most people I know.
To explain more about the processing part, I can learn subjects pretty quickly and am good with abstract subjects but struggle with picking up more technical tasks/subjects since it just seems like complete information overload. The way I learn is that I take in information and I immediately tie it to the concept behind it and then connect it to many other concepts I've learned that could be completely random/unrelated. To illustrate, I really enjoy reading and writing poetry because it gives me the space to play around and tie together concepts that haven't been thought of together before, since I just have a lot of random connections between things in my brain. However if someone were to ask me to explain the meaning of a poem, I feel like there's so many abstractions and impressions that I've made from that poem that I can't capture the essence of it or tie it into a single cohesive narrative to explain to other people. I end up saying something but it feels like I am talking empty/filler words about such a specific detail and I can't really communicate the big-picture meaning in a linear way for others to understand. The only way I can communicate my understanding of a poem is by writing more poetry which doesn't have a linear sequence but is instead based on impressions/this circular understanding. I guess in general I feel like I really struggle communicating myself with others and have always felt very misunderstood, because the way my thoughts exist is not in a form that I can communicate with others.
Also for emotions, the way I feel them seems to be more detached rather than immediate, like my emotions go through a separate processing before I can really feel them. I also might have mild alexithymia (?), if I try to describe how I feel 'excited' or 'regretful' or 'depressed' it doesn't really capture the full nuance of the emotion I feel, so I avoid labeling them and instead have to express them through things like writing. I always relate emotions in my immediate personal life to some abstract narrative of that emotion in order for me to feel it. This also affects the ways I make friends, I have struggled with what I thought was just avoidant attachment because I have never maintained friendships where I actually felt close to the other person for more than a few years. This is probably because I tend to be really principled in my actions and treat others according to those principles (like being empathetic, kind, etc), but those principles don't really tell me how to act in everyday behaviors like joking around and less serious stuff like that. Because of this, I don't enjoy casual friendships that much because I never feel comfortable and I think this might be me masking, I think I subconsciously mimic and incorporate other peoples' inside jokes/way of interacting into my own personality but have done so successfully enough that I didn't realize. I feel a lot more comfortable with more serious friendships where we can have good conversations about our interests and experiences, and then I can communicate normally without being super tense/anxious. I've also struggled a lot with my identity and not feeling like a person, I have a very fluid sense of self and hate tying it down to any external labels so I am constantly trying to find new definitions for myself but then realize that no definition will ever really fit
Some other things I've noticed is that I am really awful at making eye contact because it makes me zone out, but if I dart my eyes around it helps me focus and form thoughts (I physically cannot think when I am making eye contact with someone because it stresses me out). Also have a hard time translating my interests into the real world and advancing them/applying them (I believe this might be ADHD though). And also random haha but I have face blindness and aphantasia, and have seen people say this is correlated with ASD.
Sorry for the very long post, thanks a lot for reading this far! If anyone relates to this post or has any thoughts/insight about whether these might be signs of ASD I would really appreciate it :)

This place is a message... and part of a system of messages... pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.
This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.
What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.
The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us.
The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.
The danger is to the body, and it can kill.
The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.
The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.

[Original source] [Wikipedia]
The above is from a 1993 study on how to warn people in the distant future about the dangers posed by a nuclear waste repository. This message needs to be communicated to people who stumble upon the site, and it needs to be done so non-verbally. As nuclear waste stays dangerous for tens of thousands of years, there will eventually be people who come upon the site who will not share a language with us. They will not share symbols with us. They will not share a culture with us. Yet they will be humans, and we are obligated to protect them.
I came upon this specific ... it's not quite a poem, but that's what Chelsea Weber-Smith of the podcast American Hysteria called it in her most recent episode, which I had the joy to listen to earlier this week. It's about the borderline-bonkers field of study (and one of my occasional obsessions) called nuclear semiotics, which analyzes this problem.
Coincidentally, I started my second playthrough of Tears of the Kingdom the day after listening to this story. As I descended the staircase, through the gloom, past the murals and to G-Do himself, I couldn't help but think... the ancient Hylians/Zonai had a similar problem to our civilization. There is a danger underground that must be contained, and people must be warned. It's interesting how some of the strategies they employ to convey this message are mirrored in the thoughts of nuclear semioticians, and how in other ways went against the most basic ideas of this field. In the end, did they fail? (Yes, the answer is yes) Will we fail to protect our own future people? (yes, but for different reasons)
Worth saying, they had it easy compared to us:

1. We know nothing of the people of 10,000 years from now. They literally had a princess from this future culture at their disposal.
2. All human languages currently in existence will be unintelligible to the people of 12024, more so than how Proto-Indo-European (spoken only ~6k years ago) is unintelligible to us today. Ancient Hylian, on the other hand, is basically Middle English.

They tried many strategies that nuclear semioticians have considered, some implemented better than others, with varying levels of success:

1. An "atomic priesthood", namely the Sheikah and the Royal Family. This is a group of people who are dedicated to the mission of preserving information about the threat across millennia, in the same way religious movements dating to the Iron Age and Classical Antiquity have managed to preserve the teachings of their founders into the present. We know Sheikah tech is seen in the imprisoning chamber, and the royal family pass down the story of the Imprisoning War. Unfortunately, this "priesthood" over the millennia proved small and unstable. Depending on how you place TotK in the timeline, the Sheikah and the royal line were nearly wiped out several times, reduced at one point to kindergarten teacher and a pre-teen pirate captain. Even if the movement survived, the message of "do not go below the castle" was eventually forgotten.
2. Physical monuments. There are three general threads of thought. One is to create some kind of frightening, ominous landscape that communicates "this is a bad place," like a forest of jagged concrete spikes. Another thread, as Weber-Smith put it, thinks that's some very American absurdity, and the best thing is to just hide it somewhere unimportant. Dig a hole in the Arctic, drop it in. Another (more interesting) idea is to make it the center of attention. Build a nuclear-themed amusement park, a nuclear temple, something people will tell stories of and preserve. No one wants to drill for oil on the Acropolis. The Hylians went and built a magnificent castle and their capitol city. It's not clear this helped since the original message was eventually lost.
3. Written and artistic representations of the message. Nuclear semioticians seem to think this is a challenge. Many proposals that do include written messages would start with it being in multiple languages, with broad, general terms are the periphery of the site (Bad! Malo!), getting more specific as you approach the center (plutonium 1.4km down). There's art, like this, which might not work, as we can't guarantee symbols like ☢️ or skulls will mean the same thing to future people. The Hylians/Zonai just... well they didn't think about any of this.
   1. They appear to have communicated the specifics primarily in writing, and in a single written language: Zonai, a system so obtuse that not even the Internet can crack it. Correct me if I am wrong, but we see no Gerudo hieroglyphs, no Sheikah characters, no other text in the game in any other language warning about what is under the castle. Almost none of this text is near the castle. Much of it is in the goddamn sky. There is text immediately adjacent to the Imprisoning Chamber, on and around statues of Zonai. Zelda just takes pictures and keeps walking.
      1. (I am trying to find a source, and I cannot, but I remember tales of a warning in the castle itself, a very nondescript stela that's like "don't go under the castle." I don't remember what language it is in, but in any case it's not exactly in a prominent place)
   2. The statues closest to the source of the danger are Zonai, a race completely forgotten. They are not in a position warning people off. They just stand there, arms at their sides, conveying nothing.
   3. Of course, a discussion of art would be incomplete without talking about the murals... they're a bit too close to the problem. G-Do is literally in the next room. If he was nuclear waste, you're already losing all your hair. The murals are only understandable by people with specific knowledge of the Royal Family's lore. They do not depict useful information (eg. he's literally in the next room), only a legend. And the structure of the space it was in was so poorly constructed that literally the most important bits were obscured by rubble.
4. Finally, there is the physical barrier between the environment and the threat. You bury it in concrete, deep underground, somewhere without a lot of rainfall and earthquakes. The last thing that needs to happen is a bit of groundwater to start carrying plutonium into a well. You don't just leave this stuff in a ditch (unless you do). And yet... there is apparently a staircase directly to G-Do. He keeps spitting out calamities. People are getting sick from the emanation of energy/gloom...

I am not sure I have a point exactly. The lore nerds will rightfully point out that containment failed at exactly the moment it was meant to: ie. when Zelda came upon it and closed the time loop. True fact. I'm just stirring these tropes together. The ancient Hylians/Zonai tried to communicate a danger and how to deal with it to people in their distant future, ultimately showing us a bunch of ways that this did not work.
Us in the real world will have nuclear semioticians have better ideas. Most of this stuff is sitting the parking lots of nuclear power plants as we argue about where to put it. Hopefully we put it underground with good signage before we have our own calamity.

In my too many years as a fitness trainer, I have never, nor do I ever intend to present myself as an expert on what, why, or how to eat. Did you notice I didn’t use the word diet? I promise not to do that now.
A few months after Joyce died, I went on a particular eating program that rhymes with doom. While she was sick, I gained around forty to fifty pounds. I barely exercised, and I meditated inconsistently at best. It felt right to go on this eating behavior program. It was great. I lost a lot of weight over the next six or seven months. I got back into walking and running, and I started meditating regularly again. I learned a lot of good things about food and behavior modification in that program.
However, my AFib recurrences became more frequent and severe. My cardiologist referred me to a surgeon to do an ablation. [^\1])](app://obsidian.md/index.html#fn-1-c06978af1ff3a8f0) It was an overnight procedure. They also ordered an endoscopy for the following morning to make sure there were no burns to the esophagus from the previous day’s operation. I was also continuing to experience gut issues, but I’d experienced those for many years, so I was not concerned until that endoscopy revealed some troubling problems with my gut. Surprise!
Just in those five days, I lost eighteen pounds. It didn’t come back. I kept losing weight over the next few months until I weighed less than when I was a freshman in high school. I was not well. I realized later that I had developed an eating disorder. I’ve since learned that I’ve had an eating disorder for most of my adult life. But straight white protestant men don’t have eating disorders. Right? Wrong. Go to any gym, and you will see a lot of eating disorders. Often, it will be the trainers. The male trainers. Over the next two years, I managed to gain all that weight back plus more for good measure.
I lost over thirty pounds after my surgeries in March of this year. As I regain strength and stamina, I’m also regaining my appetite. Both the healthy and the not-so-healthy kinds. And that weight is starting to come back on.
I am tall and always have been. For as long as I can remember, I was told I needed to eat more because I was so tall. That programming is hard to let go of. Most of my poor eating habits involve eating too late in the evening, eating too fast, and giving in to my cravings for sweet pastries. I eat more greens and less fatty foods than most Americans, but that is not saying much.
Next week, I will begin working out in earnest as I am cleared to exercise more. That will help; it always does. But weight management begins and ends in the kitchen. Eating well, for me, means eating with intention and gratitude. Eat slow and appreciate what my taste buds are experiencing. Flossing at 8:00 p.m. is a great trick to keep me from late-night snacking. (It’s okay to cheat when I’m out at social events. Those are the rarity.) Seems simple, no? It’s not. But neither is life or caring for life. It takes persistent work, forgiveness, acceptance, patience, and gratitude. Most of all, it takes practice, a healthy practice.

1. A cardiac ablation is a slow and tedious laparoscopic procedure that involves cauterizing nerve pathways in the heart to prevent the nerve signaling system from getting all ADHD and forgetting what to do next.

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/RjE3PTc
There's something special about this battle from the very beginning, with how the announcer is doing these hushed whispers with this ominous music playing.
"Look alive, crème de la Kremlin's arriving! Try to serve Ivan; no surviving!" Ivan saying "look alive" as we get a close-up shot of his face is an attention-grabbing opener. The wordsmithing here with crème de la Kremlin and serve Ivan/surviving is magical. The background looks gorgeous too, great use of colors. "You're a land rover; I'm a land expander! Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander!" Well this is simultaneously a top-tier boast and diss; Alexander's empire fell apart when he died while Ivan's conquerings remained a part of Russia, so he's already making a strong case for being better at the thing Alexander's famous for. "I'll school you like Aristotle; smack you harder than you hit that bottle!" This is fine. A reference to the fact that Aristotle taught Alexander and a diss against Alexander for being a drunk. These aren't particularly powerful lines, but they're functional. I do love the way Ivan's eyes wander to the rhythm when he says 'hit that bottle'. "You're nothing but an overrated lush; I'll crush ya! I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia!" Interesting tidbit that does make Ivan the Terrible seem like a much more significant historical figure than he otherwise would have if you didn't know that. Getting all the guys from the Russian battle in the background is a fun touch, even if the dancer dude does not feel like he remotely belongs up there with the rest of those guys. "You're an asshole with an anastole! I'm heaven-sent, divine and holy!" The first line is quite mediocre, and the second line is mostly just serving to build up to the next line. "So don't even try to approach the God, or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!" God fucking damn, this is easily in my top ten closing lines. Not only is it a clever line and a gloriously epic boast, but the line delivery. His voice is so low and monstrous-sounding, especially with how they seem to have layered extra copies of the line recording on top of it. And the visual with all the Ivans on-screen, and the versions on the right and left turning to the camera join the one in the center in delivering this wham line... UNF. I love this!
"Hey fella, swell diss." Gotta cut in early here to acknowledge how funny and iconic this reaction is. "But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed." This line speaks for itself, it's got some of the best wordplay ERB has ever crafted. "Stepping up's foolish as well as useless, little Vasilyevich! Let me spell out the list!" Pretty cool wordsmithing here, nice setup to something bigger though I don't think what follows quite lives up. "I brought foes to their knees in Phonecia! Breezed through Gaza to Giza! Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq, and Pakistan in my expansion pack!" This comes pretty close to just being a straightforward history lesson, there's not a ton of cleverness here. The expansion pack joke is a little corny. There's a little bit of wordplay going on with bits like knees/Phonecia and Gaza/Giza. Flow's weaker than in the rest of his verse too. The visual with the map is a nice touch. "While you died in the middle of a game of chess; you got vodka bars: flavorless!" Some competent disses here. I really like the visual of the chess board: he even knocks over a King, which is presumably supposed to represent him defeating Ivan. I think the way Alexander paints Ivan as a disconnected figure who's just playing games whilst Alexander is actually out conquering in-person is a nice way to preserve his credibility after that land expander bit from Ivan. "And what I'm about to spit will be the craziest, so go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!" Nothing too great here, although I do like the dismissiveness inherent in Alexander ordering Ivan to make him a drink. "Kudos! Greek for the glory I got from winning every single war that I fought." Nothing much to say, this is a good boast, it checks out. "So this will be straightforward: I'll take up this sword that I brought, and slice you in half like the Gordian knot." This isn't the most substantive way of saying he's better than Ivan, but referencing the Gordian knot legend is something. "And I'll soar to the top, like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet I wore, as I swatted my many enemies; shattered them like a porcelain pot, and they'd be praying for the torture to stop!" Okay, now Alexander is just witlessly rambling. This is easily the low point of his verse. "But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring until their vocal cords were torn up and shot!" Again, he's just rambling, but I will say that his flow and line delivery starts being so awesome here that I can give it a pass. I also like how the way the music stopped after he yelled "stop!" last line before dropping into this one. "And I would holler "Bucephalus!", hop on my horsey, and trot! I win, Ivan; I vanquish! I'm an immortal; you're not!" He's still mostly just rambling about how great he is without being clever about it, but again, he sounds so awesome here that it works. And the Ivan/I vanquish is good wordplay and a nice parallel to the serve Ivan/surviving bit, so it does have that much going for it in terms of substance. Also the visuals cutting back to Ivan pouring a drink in the creepiest possible manner are fan-fucking-tastic.
Ivan concedes defeat, having actually prepared Alexander a drink. You'd think a little interim bit like this would hurt the battle in repeat viewings/listens, but I enjoy it every time. Zach Sherwin's line delivery of "I WEEP, it's all so EEEEAAAASY!!!" is hilarious. Love the way Ivan comes poking out of the shadows all rat-like as he asks what's wrong. I also dig the way Alexander's facial expression changes when he says 'queasy' and he falls down and his head moving out of the shot gives way to Ivan standing behind him celebrating and it's just so GOOD. This battle is so much fun! The "HA!!! You've been poisoned!" is fun, as is Zach Sherwin's deliberately bad acting with his final words. Ivan declares that he is Terrible and that there's no Great who could defeat this Russian, but a mysterious shadow materializes and quietly suggests a flute-busting Prussian might manage it.
What the FUCK. The flute solo! The chanting of "Old Fritz!" The bird's eye camera angle that Lloid looks up at as the emblem of what is probably his house or country or some other organization related to him is on the floor! That dapper-ass outfit! The little pose he strikes as his title card appears! This is without a doubt the greatest entrance any contestant has ever had in ERB to this day. This new music track kicks ass too. "Out the gate, first servant of state! Oblique attack tactics, ain't exactly straight!" As if he wasn't cool enough already, the king is a queen! Good use of consonance too. Also apparently this is referencing a famous tactic for battle that Frederick used. I looked up 'first servant of state prussia' and was informed that Frederick pursued a policy of religious tolerance and abolished torture immediately when he came to power. What an absolute chad. I wish he brought that up here; at best he vaguely alludes to it. "I've got creative talents and battle malice; hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!" These lines aren't substantive, but the line delivery is a ton of fun. And the visuals with him jabbing his cane and sipping from a cup are immaculate. "Russia's fucked up but no wonder why; with your tundras and taigas and bears oh my!" Great flow, the visuals are absolutely top tier. The line itself is competent, definitely getting carried by the presentation, but the tigers/taigas swapout is good. "I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes if I had to look at your troll face every night!" Man... why can't mediocre lines in all of the battles get such good line deliveries? Lloid is selling the absolute fuck out of this weaksauce diss and making it work. "Now, bring me my chair! I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square!" Wait a minute, is that... chair... wear... tear... derrière... square... IT IS!!! IT'S A 5X RHYME COMBO!!! "Fought a Seven Years' War, I ain't scared of a Tsar! 'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!" A truly fabulous boast and iconic verse closer.
These interims continue the trend of being hilarious by having Frederick die in his chair without the need for Ivan's intervention, which is a reference to how he actually died! Fancy that. I do think this one doesn't quite stand up to repeat encounters the way the first intermission did; the line about saving money and the little song Ivan sings are a bit drab to sit through again and again, but hey, they were funny the first time and it's still a fun performance from Peter. Pompey comes in to seemingly start rapping, but immediately gets decapitated by Catherine the Great. Poor guy. I would have liked for this to be a five-way battle and to have gotten a verse from Pompey first, but ah well.
"Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans; those aren't worthy opponents. It takes a Russian to take down a Russian. I'm Cat; I'm a cat; you're a rodent!" This is a pretty good opener, except for the fact that she's singing. Introducing singing into these rap battles is always a serious momentum-killer. She's got a great costume, though. "How are you the head of our state when the state of your head was such a crazy one? Such sick shit going through your brain that you stuck a spike through your own son!" Good wordplay in that first line, great visuals with these dancers up to chicanery in the background. "You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged! I brought the Russian empire straight out the olden days and right into the golden age!" That first line feels a little forced, competent boast in the second line. "I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with! This whole battle's like Alaska 'cause I settled it!" Nice closer.
Ivan briefly interjects as he tries and fails to seduce Catherine with a horse. Peter continues giving the best performance of his career, though I can't help but wish we got a little more here. Feels weird that this is the last we see Ivan onscreen. Would've been nice to at least see an upset reaction to his ploy failing.
Catherine proceeds to inform Ivan that this rumor about her sexual proclivities is false: "That horse story is a pile of shit, though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit." There's three different layers to 'chomping at the bit' going on here, and that's cool. "But you're never gonna get it, nyet! Couldn't spin in my chamber of this were Russian roulette." This is pretty funny, and I think it's for sure her best line. The little interjection of 'nyet' is great. "I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off! Bringing sexy back to House Romanov!" Not much to say here. Kind of filler. "So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great! Empress to Tsar 8, bitch! Checkmate!" This is literally a killer closing line; she's referencing how Ivan died in the middle of a game of chess, as Alexander said, and years later I'm only just getting that now.
So all of these verses have considerable flaws, I think. Ivan's is too short, for as much screentime as he gets he doesn't get much in terms of actual rapping. We could have at least used a few more lines in his first verse. There's a lot of Alexander the Great's verse that is just him droning on about how great he is without actually having much substance or cleverness to what he's saying. It's his godlike FLOW that is carrying him through a lot of this. And that's a legitimate factor to consider in his performance and it does make his verse great to listen to, but I wish there were more meat there underneath Sherwin's kickass performance. Frederick the Great is the most entertaining part of the battle(saying a LOT when Ivan the Terrible is present) and his lines are probably the most consistently good, but none of them are great, y'know? He could have used a killer burn or two in there, his diss game wasn't great. And Catherine the Great... well, she sang for both of her verses. I hate it when rappers sing, it kills the energy, and when going back to listen to this battle(which is very often!) I usually stop once her verse starts. She's got some good lines, they're decent verses on paper, and her actress is obviously a good singer, but I just do not want to listen to a solid minute of someone singing in a rap battle.
And really, having so much of this battle be skippable to me is reason enough to justify putting it in A Tier rather than S. I certainly intended to put it in A Tier for a long time. But... even if I feel Catherine's verse ends up being a drag, and even if the verses that come before have some flaws that might keep them from being S Tier on their own... it's all just so fun. Peter and Lloid and Zach are all at their best, and I genuinely do think Ivan is the best character Peter ever played. I love the performances, and the visuals, and the music(mostly), and the structure of having all these Greats dying off to the Terrible. This has got to be in the top five rap battles in terms of which ones I go back to the most; probably exactly number five. And if that isn't worthy of S Tier, then there's only gonna be four S Tiers on this list, and that seems like too few. Bottom of S Tier.
Ivan = Frederick>Alexander>Catherine. Maybe a little controversial, but I do think that you could make a valid and substantive case for any one of these rappers being the winner.

this is for sega characters not made for megaten-persona, tell me if you think im right or if it would be different, also tell me what you think other sega characters that i didnt put on the list what their rooms would be like.

1. Sonic the hedgehog: a campsite out in the middle of the woods, the plants are blue with any dirt or bark being black, igor sits on one of those foldeble chairs you bring for camping along with another chair for sonic (he doesnt sit down though because he's too cool.) while igor looks like his usual self, the attendant is a animal person of sorts. summining personas would problably be like breaking badniks apart to reaveal the persona, mixing the badniks, etc.
2. Hatsune Miku: the backstage of a concert, it looks kinda futuristic with holograms evreywhere, even the attendant is one, altough igors normal. fusion and stuff is done by singing, making music.
3. Kazama Kiryu: a bar like new serena or the bar he finds haruka. igor sits in on a stool at the bar right next to kiryu, the attendant is a barkeep, fusion is oddly not done by mixing them in a cocktail or something like that, instead the barkeep takes them out back to another attendent of wich they will both fight the personas, ending up with said personas doing what is the required thing for them to fuse, itemize, etc
4. Ichiban Kasuga: it looks like the inside of a oldschool rpg, speciffcly Dragon Quest, (this is one im a bit cluesless on on how it would look but here we go) its in a cave that looked to be home to a church and igors there sitting one of the benches and the attendant looks like a cleric like the ones you see at save points in dragon quest sitting at the head of the church.
5. Ecco the dolphin: either 1. an aqaurium with igor on the other side of the glass. 2. next to a huge rock formation at sea in the middle of nowhere, with igor sitting on a reachable rock formation so you can talk to him. in both of these the attendent is a scuba diver
6. ulala: on a space ship going... somewhere and the attendant is the captain with igor being in a passenger seat and you are sitting next to him. and yes while the space ship is definantly blue, so is the void around you
7. vectorman: a "secret level of sorts" the attendent is in the game but igor is nowhere to be seen, but there is mentions of him watching and eventually you are told he is on the other side of the screen doing what he needs to of course, and you can even see a faint image of him on your screen while playing
8. nights: nights itself isnt the one going to the velvet room as in a sense from their games they are kinda a attendant so them and which ever kid you chose to play as ends up going inside with nights being an attendent themself. the room seems to take place in a clocktower like the big ben.
9. beat : beat isnt the only one going in other members of his crew can go in as well, the velvet room seems to be an alternate version of the rudies hideout, and is the most akin to the original personas velvet room espescially out of all that i mentioned. there are two attendents, one is some kinda dj, playing a funky but still calming remix of poem for evryones souls, and the dancing around and ready to get the fusions started, igor sits on a fancy seat in the middle of the room.

Introduction: The Mysterious Double Album
I’ll always remember 2 AM on April 19th 2024. I was in my pjs, alone, on my balcony, fresh off my first listen to Taylor Swift’s album The Tortured Poet’s Department. After sufficiently enjoying my solitary experience, I took to the internet to see what the masses were saying…when Swift dropped a whole second album: The Tortured Poets Department Anthology. Swift, a master of both Easter egging surprises for her fandom and practicing the number one rule of business (give the people what they want!), had been hinting at something “double” for months. Most significantly, while accepting her Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Album, she flashed a “peace sign.” That damn peace sign haunted the fandom for months. Swift’s corporate social media account, u/TaylorNation, used peace sign emojis and called attention to the number two whenever possible (ie teasing the album 22 days out etc.). There were also many “2”s present in in the promotional “experiences” leading up to the album release date—including statues of peace signs at the TTPD interactive experience at The Grove in LA. As usual, some Swifties went bonkers with their theories (or “clowning” as outlandish theorizing is referred to in the community). I myself couldn’t help but believe some concept of doubling would be significant in TTPD, but I couldn’t have guessed a full DOUBLE album (Swift’s capitalization). What an absolute treat. Mother was, as they say, mothering.
…Only the two mania didn’t seem to end post-drop. If anything, the two mania heightened. The albums were not just surprises in themselves, they were full of mystery. They seemed to reference multiple relationships, cryptic narratives, allusions to Swift’s previous songs, allusions to iconic poets, and very often, twins. The sleuthing type of Swiftie (full disclosure, moi) dove in deep. We gathered where we do—on Twitter, on TikTok, on Reddit (my preferred sandlot). And as we obsessed over every lyric, literary allusion, and video clip, Swift, our self-appointed “chairman” seemed to encourage us. Swift added a TTPD set to her Eras tour in Paris. Afterward, she posted a collection of photos to Instagram. The second photo of the post is Swift onstage, in a sparkling showman’s outfit, flashing two fingers.
Initial Tortured Poets and Sylvia Plath Connections
Swift has always been an incredible poet, but that’s not necessarily how the world saw hesees her. Swift is a pop star, specifically, Swift was a young girly pop star, most known for her tabloid romances and dramas, which she would (allegedly) write about in her music. Swift’s work has been labeled as “confessional” since her first album, which included songs she openly said were about boys at her high school. I offer this context (or, lore) to explain why I began seeing connections to TTPD in Sylvia Plath’s “confessional” work.
Of course, the theme of TTPD is tortured poets, so many avid literary Swifties have enjoyed seeking connections between Swift’s new songs and iconic poetry. No connections are overt, but some seem to be more likely than others. Namely, there’s been much discussion of Virginia Woolf thanks to the song “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?”(perhaps a riff on the Edward Albee play title). Other Swifties have found possible lyrical links to Mary Shelley and Charlotte Bronte. Swift herself references Patti Smith and Dylan Thomas in the album’s title track.
I remembered a third poet in relation to Smith and Thomas: Sylvia Plath, obviously an all timer of a tortured poet. I remember hearing an anecdote that she had been obsessed with Thomas and stalked him outside the Chelsea Hotel (also named in the TTPD title track). I did a quick skim of Plath’s Wikipedia to confirm and then started noticing many possible connections to TTPD and Plath’s life.
In the “Fortnight” music video, Swift acts out being institutionalized for insanity and getting electric shock treatment—two significant experiences in Plath’s life. Plath was also coupled with a deeply problematic man, Ted Hughes. Plath fell in love with Hughes for his artistic talent before he revealed himself to be an unsupportive parter, ultimately cheating on Plath with a younger woman. The narrative is not too dissimilar to the narrative about Swift’s alleged ex Matty Healy, as seemingly told in TTPD. (Of course, we don’t know the true subjects of Swift’s songs—if they’re even actually confessional—but some key hints point to Healy. Whether those hints provide actual context to Swift’s life or to the story Swift is telling of her life, one cannot know.) Finally, several of TTPD songs reference a latent desire for suicide (“I might as well die / it would make no difference” etc.). Okay, post-“finally,” these are stretches, but, I’ll note anyway: one of Plath’s most famous collections of poems is titled Ariel, but an alternate title was Daddy. There are connections to both words in TTPD via the song “But Daddy I Love Him.” The title is a line from the Disney movie The Little Mermaid (which features the main character Ariel, a mermaid, caught between two worlds). Extra clowning: some people (hi, I'm people) believe Swift’s 1989 costume for her first Paris concert was an allusion to Ariel: a pink crop top and a seafoam skirt.
As I dug into Plath's life, I couldn’t help but also see similarities to Swift's life. Both women were prolific writers from a very young age. Also, although possibly obscured through artistic license, both women were/are known to write about their own lives. (Plath was apparently encouraged by her professors Robert Lowell and Anne Sexton to write from her experience. I cannot help but tie in Swift’s “The Manuscript” lyric “the Professor said to write what you know.”) Both Plath and Swift expressed/express their depression via their writing, but if you only knew them from their public personas, you’d never guess the depths of their struggles. It seems both Plath and Swift lived/live double lives. Plath was actually fascinated by the concept of doubles. In fact, the concept of doubling was the topic of Plath’s college thesis paper “The Magic Mirror.”
The Magic Mirror and TTPD
Plath’s college paper is sadly not available to the general public. (It had a limited print run in, you guessed it, 1989.) But! I was able to read a few texts about the thesis, and the amount of possible TTPD references is astounding.
Since we can’t directly analyze Swift’s work via Plath’s directly, I’d like to share several key quotes from the most telling article I could find about the “The Magic Mirror”: “Sylvia Plath’s Magic Mirror” by Kelly Coyne (May 2018, The Los Angeles Review of Books). (To be noted, Coyne has also written about Swift, in her article “Growing Up In Taylor Swift’s America” in December 2023 on Literary Hub—a fabulous read!)
Early in her article, Coyne sets the scene for Plath's thesis:
“Her undergraduate thesis, which she wrote as a senior at Smith College...is titled “The Magic Mirror: A Study of the Double in Two of Dostoevsky’s Novels.” “The Magic Mirror” explores literary doubles made up of a character’s repressed traits, and, as the double grows in power, it heralds the protagonist’s death. Citing Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as well as Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, Plath argued that the choice to create a double works to “reveal hitherto concealed character traits in a radical manner” and simultaneously exposes the driving conflicts of the novel housing that character. Her thesis claims that both Ivan, of The Brothers Karamazov, and Golyadkin, of The Double, have attempted to repress troubling aspects of their personalities, resulting in the double.”
Immediately, I imagine the two versions of Swift from the “Anti-Hero” music video. One Swift is real, true, sensible. The other is a pot-stirring, self-esteem destroying, alcoholic. During Eras, the huge Swift (monster on a hill) screams and stomps around in the background while the real, true Swift smiles and dances in a sparkle dress onstage. The fandom seems to be referring to these two Swifts as Taylor Swift and TAYLOR SWIFT (TM). Folks have theorized Post-Malone in the Fortnight music video is not necessarily a lover, but a twin, or double, of Swift. This theory is enhances by the Eras visuals during that song, specifically two dancers walking away to the back of the stage, but then becoming one.
More Coyne: “Plath, quoting Dostoyevsky in her thesis, noted that Ivan’s double, Smerdyakov, is “wrinkled” and “yellow.” The distinct differences in appearance between originator and double, she continued, are meant to reflect the protagonist’s mental state and cultural status.”
First of all, yellow. In the Gaylor community, folks have often theorized yellow symbolizes being closeted—a reading based on the symbolic coloring in the 1999 film …But I’m a Cheerleader. However, one need not be a Gaylor to consider the importance of yellow to Swift’s storytelling. Most recently, Swift performed “my tears ricochet” at Eras in a bright yellow dress, as her dancers were dressed for a funeral. Following Coyne’s analysis of Plath's analysis of Dostoyevsky, one could guess Swift is teasing a death of some version of herself.
Coyne discusses how Plath clearly used a “double” of herself to write The Bell Jar. Plath herself spent a summer in New York interning for Mademoiselle. The protagonist in TBJ, Esther, spends a summer in New York interning at a magazine too. To go even further down the rabbit hole, Esther also doubles herself, frequently expressing normalcy on the outside and despair on the inside. On the book's first page, Esther tells her audience, “I was supposed to be having the time of my life.” (Again, I cannot help but hear a Swift echo of, “I can read your mind / she’s having the time of her life” from “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” about smiling through her depression.) Coyne makes many more references to mirrors and concealing in The Bell Jar, Ether’s split (and sadness) gets worse and worse the more she hides who she is from others. Notably, at a low point, Esther hides under her mother’s bed. (And Swift sings of a post-heartbreak depression, “Afterwards she only ate kids' cereal / And couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed.”)
Coyne writes about the “imprisoned” aspect of doubles: “The wound from which Esther tries, and fails, to hide chimes with the inescapable, colonizing double, and Plath’s language again illustrates its penal nature: it is inside Esther, but it traps her like a jail cell.” (Again, I cannot help but see references to “Fresh Out the Slammer”, “The Smaller Man Who Ever Lived,” and the TTPD Eras visuals of cages and cell lighting.)
Coyne, on Plath’s doubles’ names, something Swift has not ever used (or so we think): “From her conception of The Bell Jar all the way to its final revisions, Plath suffered an exhausting amount of anxiety over its heroine’s name.” Plath wrote to a friend, “‘I’ll have to publish it under a pseudonym, if I ever get it accepted, because it’s so chock full of real people I’d be sued to death’...Indeed, this wasn’t mere paranoia; she did have to change her protagonist’s name at the instruction of her editor for legal reasons.”
Coyne continues, “Most novelists likely have concerns about being associated with the characters to whom they give life, especially the ugly ones, and especially when the character resembles its author. Yet what is unique about Plath’s case is her knowledge of the theoretical underpinnings and implications of her choice to push Esther away, and the hold this knowledge assumed on Plath’s work and life. Another look at The Bell Jar with a consideration of Esther as Plath’s double tangles the issue even further, and Plath drops clues for this kind of reading throughout the novel. Esther, for example, sits down to write her own novel and recounts, “My heroine would be myself, only in disguise. She would be called Elaine. Elaine. I counted the letters on my fingers. There were six letters in Esther, too. It seemed a lucky thing.” Not coincidentally, Plath’s first name has six letters as well.” Again, Plath was in a bizarre double infinity loop (like the loop on the Eras stage in “Down Bad”?). Plath was concealing her double, the protagonist in her novel, who was concealing her double, the protagonist in her novel.
Coyne wraps up her findings: “In her thesis, written nearly a decade earlier, as she turned 22 — the year after her first documented suicide attempt — Plath claimed, quoting Otto Rank:
In such situations, where the Double symbolizes the evil or repressed elements in man’s nature, the apparition of the Double “becomes a persecution by it, the repressed material returns in the form of that which represses.” Man’s instinct to avoid or ignore the unpleasant aspects of his character turns into an active terror when he is faced by his Double, which resurrects those very parts of his personality which he sought to escape. The confrontation of the Double in these instances usually results in a duel which ends in insanity or death for the original hero.”
Coyne seems to argue Plath believed an artist's double has the power to become bigger than the artist herself, ultimately killing her. Is TTPD Swift's predetermination of, hopefully, her her double's death instead of her own?
In Conclusion: Plath to her Mentor, Dessner on Swift
Who knows what TTPD is really truly about, and who knows if we ever will.
The biggest Easter egg, hiding in plain sight, is that the album is titled THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. There’s no apostrophe after “poet.” Nor is there an apostrophe after the “s” in “poets.” The department does not belong to a poet or to a collection of poets. It is a department OF tortured poets, perhaps two, to be exact. …or perhaps the album indicates the departure of the tortured poet...and her double.
I’ll sign off with two final quotes from my research:
According to Coyne, three months before Plath died by suicide, she had written a mentor about her second (obviously unfinished) book. Plath wrote, “It is to be called “Doubletake”, meaning that the second look you take at something reveals a deeper, double meaning […] it is semi-autobiographical about a wife whose husband turns out to be a deserter and philanderer although she had thought he was wonderful & perfect.”
According to Aaron Dessner’s TTPD release Instagram post: ”Keep searching and you'll find some new detail, layer or sliver of meaning with each listen.”
SUBREDDIT PS! Shout out to Expensive_Succotash5 for noting the TTPD intro poem's reference to being out of the oven, could be an allusion to Plath's death. Also shout-out to Good-Amphibian-7993 for this connection to a photo of Plath with a rose, not unlike Swift's album rose art.

im 21 and she’s 20, we met in college and never were that close until a few months back when she messaged me out of the blue telling me that she really admires me and can’t stop thinking about me. I had sensed some tension between us before never really paid heed. Since then we’ve been talking to each other almost everyday on social media- sending each other reels and memes etc. a lot of the stuff she sends me does end up being kinda romantic like poems and stuff.
We recently had a basketball match and our college team won (our mutual friends are in the team) after the match everybody was heading home but we were just hanging out near the almost empty court- smiling, looking at each other and hugging (I don’t usually hug people & here I was on my tippy toes with my arms wrapped around her:)) when a couple of our friends from the team walked by and asked us what’s happening and whether we were secretly dating. I laughed it off as maybe and she replied to them that even if we were they should support us to which they said “of course we do.” She gave me a small handwritten letter telling me thank you for existing. That’s the only time we did anything beyond texting.
The texting has been continuing since then and we keep trying to get to know each other more and ask each other about her days (very wholesome- the only person who asks me about my day atp) but still I’m just very unsure of whether this is all romantic (my friend thinks so, even my mom implied it) But she’s never told me if she’s queer and I’ve only heard her talk about male crushes (not assuming her sexuality)
how do I ask her this without creeping her out.

im 21 and she’s 20, we met in college and never were that close until a few months back when she messaged me out of the blue telling me that she really admires me and can’t stop thinking about me. I had sensed some tension between us before never really paid heed. Since then we’ve been talking to each other almost everyday on social media- sending each other reels and memes etc. a lot of the stuff she sends me does end up being kinda romantic like poems and stuff.
We recently had a basketball match and our college team won (our mutual friends are in the team) after the match everybody was heading home but we were just hanging out near the almost empty court- smiling, looking at each other and hugging (I don’t usually hug people & here I was on my tippy toes with my arms wrapped around her:)) when a couple of our friends from the team walked by and asked us what’s happening and whether we were secretly dating. I laughed it off as maybe and she replied to them that even if we were they should support us to which they said “of course we do.” She gave me a small handwritten letter telling me thank you for existing. That’s the only time we did anything beyond texting.
The texting has been continuing since then and we keep trying to get to know each other more and ask each other about her days (very wholesome- the only person who asks me about my day atp) but still I’m just very unsure of whether this is all romantic (my friend thinks so, even my mom implied it) But she’s never told me if she’s queer and I’ve only heard her talk about male crushes (not assuming her sexuality)
how do I ask her this without creeping her out.

im 21 and she’s 20, we met in college and never were that close until a few months back when she messaged me out of the blue telling me that she really admires me and can’t stop thinking about me. I had sensed some tension between us before never really paid heed. Since then we’ve been talking to each other almost everyday on social media- sending each other reels and memes etc. a lot of the stuff she sends me does end up being kinda romantic like poems and stuff.
We recently had a basketball match and our college team won (our mutual friends are in the team) after the match everybody was heading home but we were just hanging out near the almost empty court- smiling, looking at each other and hugging (I don’t usually hug people & here I was on my tippy toes with my arms wrapped around her:)) when a couple of our friends from the team walked by and asked us what’s happening and whether we were secretly dating. I laughed it off as maybe and she replied to them that even if we were they should support us to which they said “of course we do.” She gave me a small handwritten letter telling me thank you for existing. That’s the only time we did anything beyond texting.
The texting has been continuing since then and we keep trying to get to know each other more and ask each other about her days (very wholesome- the only person who asks me about my day atp) but still I’m just very unsure of whether this is all romantic (my friend thinks so, even my mom implied it) But she’s never told me if she’s queer and I’ve only heard her talk about male crushes (not assuming her sexuality)
how do I ask her this without creeping her out.

im 21 and she’s 20, we met in college and never were that close until a few months back when she messaged me out of the blue telling me that she really admires me and can’t stop thinking about me. I had sensed some tension between us before never really paid heed. Since then we’ve been talking to each other almost everyday on social media- sending each other reels and memes etc. a lot of the stuff she sends me does end up being kinda romantic like poems and stuff.
We recently had a basketball match and our college team won (our mutual friends are in the team) after the match everybody was heading home but we were just hanging out near the almost empty court- smiling, looking at each other and hugging (I don’t usually hug people & here I was on my tippy toes with my arms wrapped around her:)) when a couple of our friends from the team walked by and asked us what’s happening and whether we were secretly dating. I laughed it off as maybe and she replied to them that even if we were they should support us to which they said “of course we do.” She gave me a small handwritten letter telling me thank you for existing. That’s the only time we did anything beyond texting.
The texting has been continuing since then and we keep trying to get to know each other more and ask each other about her days (very wholesome- the only person who asks me about my day atp) but still I’m just very unsure of whether this is all romantic (my friend thinks so, even my mom implied it) But she’s never told me if she’s queer and I’ve only heard her talk about male crushes (not assuming her sexuality)
how do I ask her this without creeping her out.

There are few phrases and sentences that I can put together to perfectly describe this album. It's sound is like trying to explain what an apple tastes like to someone who has never had an apple. If you have never heard it, please do so, the worst-case scenario is you don't like it and don't listen to it again. I'm doing this review because it seems like fun, and I would like to share my opinions about this awesome album. If this is well received, I may do something similar with another album or EP.
Vocals: The vocals on this album are just plain incredible. Jordan Dreyer's vocal style is highly expressive and very raw. He switches between spoken word and almost anguished shouts in a very smooth way. His voice is pure emotion and fits the instrumentals seamlessly. While his "whiny" vocal style definitely isn't for everyone, it is for me, and this is my review. His voice can only be described in the phrase, "Fuck yes."
Lyrics: Do I even need to state how awesome the lyrics are? Jordan Dreyer's lyrics are the heart of the album. His delivery alternates between urgent, spoken-word passages and angry, sad, urgent, and anguished shouts. Songs like "King Park" and "Edward Benz, 27 Times" are notable for their intense lyrics. These lyrics aren't painting a picture, they are filming a movie. Listening to the lyrics close makes it nearly impossible to not imagine these situations in your head. Every song is a poem, and every song is a damn near masterpiece. The delivery of the lyrics is incredible as well, nothing can describe it.
Instrumentals:
Jordan's lyrics and vocals might be the soul, but the instrumentals are the body. The guitar sobs, the drums scream, the bass wails, and they all come together to form something incredible. It's the perfect balance between heavy and soft. Edward Benz immediately comes to mind when talking about instrumentals, with it being a song I've had on repeat for a week for the instrumentals. Everything matches Jordan's energy so well and pairs with his voice even better, this shit is epic.
Production:
The production on Wildlife is raw yet polished. It sounds like they recorded the entire album live in the studio, and seeing videos of some of the songs live, it's very possible. There really isn't much to say production wise, or not really much I can say because I'm not very knowledgeable on what I am supposed to be listening for. The album sounds great, and that's all I need to say.
Other Random Notes:
The ending of king park is some of the most intense music I've ever heard, and I get goosebumps every time I hear it.
The repeated use of "Tell me..." in all our bruised bodies is something I wait for every time I hear it, and I love that song so much because of it
This Album is some of the rawest post hardcore I've ever heard, and I love it so much
**Top 3 Songs:**

1. Edward Benz, 27 times
2. All Our Bruised Bodies and the Whole Heart Shrinks
3. King Park

Overall Score: 10/10

TL;DR - My roommate abused her cat and then came home with a dog without asking. I shut down and have only been maintaining my space, while in an episode I also forgot to request a couple bills so I sent them to her late but didn't demand immediate repayment. She got upset, more when I hadn't paid rent yet, and the next day she sent a very long kinda nasty message attacking me.
For backstory: at the end of March I had a couple friends stay the night. We were sitting on the couch playing video games when she got home, and heard her yelling at her cat for knocking the blinds down. To make a long and traumatizing story short, she beat her cat into the corner of my room underneath my desk and caged him for the night? A day? I'm not sure. All three of us weren't okay with it and they even yelled that she was being excessive and they were uncomfortable. The cat was scared enough to spray and poop, but when I came in to help her, he went in the cage pretty easy and all he left was a small bite that barely bled.
A couple weeks later, she came home with a dog for her birthday. I was not asked, and the way she told me was basically a list of instructions for taking care of the dog because she was leaving town the next evening. We had spoke about it before, but I always had a bunch of stipulations and made it pretty clear every time she asked that I didn't want to get one while I was in school. I admittedly took the cat incident very hard, I have my own trauma around animal abuse so her cat's reaction, the yelling mostly, really stuck with me.
I've come around but I'm still uncomfortable being around her. I wasn't home for about a week and now I don't really leave my room, if I do it's to briefly reheat food, use the bathroom, run out to my car, etc. I stopped cleaning in the main spaces the week after she came back from the trip I mentioned. I took out trash I had filled, ran dishes I used, and from then on I've hand washed my dishes and used mainly my room trashcan.
As for bills, I have them set to autopay on my credit cards. I had a theft incident back at the beginning of March and ended up opening another account, which screwed up my cashapp which we use for bills, yadda yadda, I never actually sent her what was due in March. So I sent it alongside the bills from last month. I didn't demand she pay me back immediately, I didn't mention when I would want them actually I just told her if she could Zelle I prefer it. Anyway because my credit cards are overdrafted, I'm stretched extremely thin until my next check. I planned on depositing cash for it after dinner when a friend came home and told me she had sent him a very weird message to him about me paying rent. I keep her messages muted because she gets rude sometimes and it's ruined my mood before. Turns out she had messaged me a similar snide comment about rent 'not being a bill to forget'.
This afternoon I checked my phone to see this: "IDK WTF you got going on but I really don’t give a fuck bc atp you have lost any fucks given by me. You do realize you live in this household right, since alpine we have had this conversation over and over again atp you are doing this shit on purpose. You are using weaponized incompetence and baby it’s not working on me anymore. I’m not cleaning up after you anymore and you need to step up. Point blank period. there’s no rhyme or reason I’m the only one cleaning in the house, doing the dishes unloading/loading the dishes, sweeping and mopping all the floors, cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the toilet, shower and sink and taking the trash out consistently. Do you think a magical fairy does all these things no it’s me. And you sure as fuck can’t blame school or work or your depression bc guess what I’ve been dealing with all this shit as well on top of working full time. Honestly it’s just blatant ignorance and stupidity and you can’t say it’s not. You are grown you need to act like it and not like a five year old. I shouldn’t have to remind you about bills or even to clean I’m not your mother you are an adult. I’m not fucking stupid I never have been, you keep playing like I’m stupid and I’m not. Idk where you got this complex that the world just revolves around you and it doesn’t. Time and time again you have shown you can’t think of anybody but yourself and no matter how you try to say it, it’s the truth. I’m tired of the blatant disrespect and ignorance and please don’t try to play dumb because you know exactly what the fuck I’m saying. Make it make sense fr and i truly don’t give a fuck if you respond or not but I’m done with you and your childish behavior and attitude it’s bullshit and you know it is. and when you send this message to your friends don’t try to play the victim bc you aren’t, I am and the household is. If you gonna be anything in this damn house let’s be fucking fr." If you read all of that, you should know I have bipolar. We have discussed it multiple times, I am medicated and healing well. I do my best to prioritize communication but I genuinely feel at risk approaching her confrontationally like I do in most situations.
I don't say I'm not at fault, but most of my friends are telling me she's insane and I need to move, however I love the house we just got. I think anything besides my complacency is going to get a very strong reaction and I just don't want to deal with it. That means admitting she's right, but I can't bring myself to do that. I have no clue what to do, my gut says get rid of her and I have a hard time arguing against that. I want to send her this message. WIB/AITAH?
**To clarify the back half, rent was still sent the day it was due but I had to deposit cash and didn't get around to it til late in the day. I thought she was rude about it so I proceeded to wait til 11p to send it proving some stupid point to myself. I know I was the dick for that one.
Edit: forgot to include TL;DR lol

I just got hired at a place that rhymes with... Mamba Muice, and some weird comments and requirements are making me question what I'm getting into. I did my interview and onboarding with a manager I'll call J, and have texted and emailed with a district manager I'll call B. J was nice, but tried to sidestep when I asked for an offer letter with my start date, hours per week, shifts I'll probably work, I plan on working at least two jobs and want that info for myself and any other places that will definitely ask for my availability, he said "oh, I don't do offer letters, you'll find out when you'll work when we make the schedule" we did already verbally agree during my interview that this position was $20/hr, part-time ~20 hours a week, I have quite a few facial piercings, and he made no comment before, during, or after my interview about them, so I assumed they weren't an issue. I've had interviews before where the interviewer was very transparent and let me know their company was strict about their one-facial-piercing-allowed rule before we even started and let me know I couldn't wear a mask to hide them, and if I couldn't commit to taking them out permanently or removing them just for my shifts, then they'd have to stop the interview then and there (sucks but I appreciate their honesty) J though, waited until I came in a different day, and I completed ALL my onboarding paperwork to tell me I had to take out all my facial piercings for shifts, which isn't true, I had just read the employee handbook and there was a line about piercings, while earring and facial piercings are allowed, ear piercings can be visible but facial piercings have to be covered, and I told J just as much and that I should be able to wear a mask to work so I don't have to take 20 minutes before and after work using jewelry pliers to slowly unscrew and rescrew them on to make sure I don't drop and/or lose them, he said "ok ok" with a blank expression and a hasty nod that make me think it either went in one ear and out the other and he probably forgot or is annoyed that I knew I can keep them on during work. A couple hours later, I was already back home and the district manager, B, texted me letting me know she talked to J and he told her that I wanted an offer letter. I let B know "yes I did, but he said he couldn't give me one" B replied that she'll just send it to me if I give her my email, I did and she sent it to me the next day, I read it and there was my wage, $20/hr, but no mention of my start date, how many hours per week I'd work, or what days or shifts I would probably be scheduled, and a note that uniforms were required and that I'd have to bring $20 for a uniform deposit. At the end of my onboarding day, J mentioned I needed a uniform, asked what shirt size I usually wore, but no mention of a deposit, I live in California and employers here who require uniforms are also required to cover the costs of said uniforms, I replied to B's email with that info and a "thank you, I can't wait to start" I admittedly replied pretty late in the day so I wasn't expecting a response the same day, but I've gotten no reply almost over a day later, whereas before B was pretty quick to reply. I think I might've annoyed J and B with how "non-negotiable" I'm being despite what I'm asking for should be offered to me already lol and feel like this could be the start of an unnecessarily difficult work life. I'm kinda desperate for work since I've been unemployed for about three months and owe my (very understanding) roommates money for covering my portion of rent and food, I feel like this job will probably try and take advantage of the position I'm in and walk all over me since I'm desperate for food handling experience, and I've been trying to start my first job in the food industry since it's such a common experience, a job with work I'm confident I can do well in, and will benefit me since a lot of food industry jobs have plenty of opportunity to give you free food and spend less money on meals all the time. I know it's the law, but let me know if it's just an In Writing vs. In Practice situation and it's actually normal to pay for your uniforms, or if B is being shady, if I'm too paranoid, any tips really. I plan on staying since I need the money, unless they ask/say/do something so ridiculous or unreasonable that I'd be better if quitting, and hopefully a second job comes around soon so I don't have to rely on this place and leave if it gets weird or bad.

I remember it specifically compared seals to ellipsis and gulls to sound marks. The poem ended with the thought that the ocean is constantly thinking and will never finish speaking to us. It brought me to tears in the exam room, it was very well written. I believe the author had a two letter name and a full last name, something like R.F. Robinson. It read like it was written in the past but I cant be sure, the title was something like like "Sea Reading" or "Wave Writing" but I cant find those anywhere. Thanks !!

Tried to post on other places but pretty sure it's gonna get deleted because it's meme related
I have been following the Kitty tweets mostly for entertainment, they are fun, but I think I see a theme. So here is my tinfoil hat theory.
1.It's not about GME anymore. The game powerup logo, batman tweet says - now we have a symbol, that is a warning, fear etc.
Braveheart meme, dying gamestoooop rallying cry - Wallace dies at the end of movie, but inspires with his death.
Finally, the diversion tweet, magic, the prestige, kasas city shuffle. Everyone is looking at GME stock again, but that's the diversion, kansas shuffle

1. So what is it if not GME ?? He is, saying he is very careful what he says so listen. He is posting SIGNS. What signs do many of the tweets have in common?

Candman says "Be 🐝 my victim" with the bee emoji after the word be =BB
It's Britney Bitch BB
Goosebumps- Bear Beware BB
Busta rhymes -Busta Bust BB
Breaking Bad, and Jason Borne in Boston might be a stretch, but
BLACKBERRY. There is some dd out there about solid fundamentals for BB..
Not a bagholder, I only played amc in 2021.
My positions : shares and june/July calls
Just lottos, not full porting on some meme tweets, but this a casino, so I'm gonna gamble.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

Kyoshi book 1 is the epitome of ‘a meeting that could have been an email’. Its book that should have been a graphic novel. A story that should have been a wikipedia page.
SPOILERS, though I am saving you the read.
TLDR: The story telling is mediocre, and the story would have been just as compelling as a bullet pointed list of story facts. It flubs, glosses over and skips all portions of story that would have required any amount of clever writing or skill. The story is comprised of cringey tropes. This book will not sit among the original series in the annals of history. It sits below Korra and just above M Knight’s film adaption and the disgraceful Netflix reboot.
First, the idea of there being immense trouble identifying the Avatar is a good plot point. Having Kuruk’s team find and teach the next Avatar and have opposing ideals is also a good plot point. Yee also describes the martial arts okay enough, but this is an inherent obstacle when turning highly visual source material into text. This concludes my praise.
Yee tells, but doesnt show. Show more teambuilding and friendship between Kyoshi, Rangi and Yun. They only come together once in the same room to hang out before the main conflict happens, and its a superficial scene straight out of an 80s slasher movie. They come together solely to ‘show’ them being a team as they hang out and exchange banter. This is the first of Yee’s pseudo-“show, don’t tell”. It appears like the story is showing us something, but it is still telling us. It is characterized by vapid, juvenile writing in a scene that is largely inconsequential to the story.
Make the misidentification of the Avatar weigh on each of them and test friendship. Show her being found by Kelsang. The jump forward 9 years is jarring and leaves logic way behind. If she was raised by Kelsang, why didnt he finish testing her as the Avatar? Why did he take pity and raise her after traveling the world and seeing other homeless children? Why didnt she give back the clay turtle relic? Kyoshi is abandoned when she is old enough to remember being abandon, but doesn’t remember where she got the turtle. This line is another example of pseudo-show. Why don’t we dont get any insight into the moment she is abandon? We do not know any of these things. Including these scenes in the book would have made it longer, but its the juiciest piece of the character development. The length of a book is largely forgivable if it is captivating. This is like if you order a burger and they only bring you a bun and a slice of bib lettuce. Its missing the most crucile part.
Show Yun being incorrectly identified as the Avatar. This scene has to be so interesting. There is nothing in the book about this at all. This seems like another artful dodge around having to write something clever, and that tends to be difficult.
Show Kyoshi’s Avatar state. ‘Blacking out’ is not a mysterious way to tell stories. Its a cop out of writing something the author finds difficult. Also, a character can black out and not remember doing something AND the author can still describe it as it happens to the reader. Choosing to ommit more juicey story speaks more to the writers lack of confidence in their writing.
The fans and helmet of her parents are forced clumsily into the story at the height of the inciting incident. They could have been introduced any time. For example, when Kyoshi connects with her parent’s old crime ring and they could be presented to Kyoshi as relics of the group’s deceased leaders. Instead they are introduced to the reader by Kyoshi dropping her luggage and they fall out in the rain and mud. It reads like a scene that is meant to be a story board for a cartoon or comic.
We dont get any insight into Kyoshi’s parents being dead or alive. Kyoshi doesnt seem to ask anyone either. Why? Seems like a reasonable question.
Kelsang realizes Kyoshi is the Avatar when she does some improv poetry that happens to be Avatar Kuruk’s favorite poem? That was the best idea you got?
Kyoshi has a sky bison named PengPeng? Find a new method of transportation, the flying bison had been done before. Pengpeng is also only used as transportation. She doesnt have any personality like Momo and Appa. Total strikeout.
When something new develops that is supposed to surprise the reader, like Kyoshi’s mother being a disgraced airbender, Yee doesnt show this. This is explained away in a moment of dialogue like “once upon a time, this happened.” Then the plot moves on. And what motivation did she have for keeping this from Kelsang? Maybe they knew each other? They are both airbenders who have killed before, which is significant in the fiction. This could have been an opportunity to connect characters and create intrigue. But we only learn this at the end of the book for no reason.
Love between ATLA characters is subtle in the show. Katara and Aang will end up together and we know this implicitly. Sokka loves his friends, particularly Toph, because of the actions we see him take to help her. Rewatch the show, you will see what I mean. However this is not a major plot point that is touched on each episode. Zuko and Mei are together but they are pulled apart temporarily by character motivations. It skips the filler and gets right to the interesting part. However in Kyoshi book 1, love between Rangi and Kyoshi is vapid and foreshadowed from the first pages. Lets set lesbianism aside, its not the issue. The issue is that this love story is not compelling chiefly because we are told they care for each other but are only shown this in the back half of the book on a surface level. Even when we are shown these things, its not believable. The characters act like teenagers do in 2024 America, not like how teenagers would act in a world coming off the heels of a 100 year war. The characters are young, but they have roles, careers, and the responsibilities of adults. This stems from the same problem Yun has with Kyoshi and Rangi. We don’t see them becoming or being friends. We are told they are friends. Thats it.
This connects to Rangi’s character being ambivalent and emotionally indistinct. Rangi is played as a tough, no nonsense soldier that is hired as Yun’s personal bodyguard, the most important job next to being the avatar yourself. But her expressions of love are juvenile and childish. In one scene she is scolding Kyoshi on her duty toward being Avatar then in the next she acts playfully excited like an American weeb teenager when Kyoshi bends water for the first time. Rangi is poorly written and has poor motivation to her Avatar duty. She contributes nothing practical or technical to the story but love interest. If she is a child prodigy badass that earned the job of protecting the Avatar, she should act like it.
Hei Ran, Rangi’s mother, does nothing consequential to the plot. Why have this character? It is stated she knew Avatar Kuruk. The least she can do is bring it up more.
AND FINALLY, Kyoshis character is very opposite from who we see in ATLA. Obviously this is to show growth, but the timid Kyoshi inexplicably switches to confident and intimidating Kyoshi without any growth, then switches back to timid again. We know kyoshi as a tall, confident, matter of fact, powerful bender who sees no difference between murdering Chin the Conquerer and letting him fall to his death. But here we see a still tall, but petulant teen. She is afraid of her bending. She is inconsistently overconfident. She is squemish about murder. Perhaps the growth occurs in book two, but then again change is gradual. We should see some examples of change now. She grew up a homeless street urchin. She needs to act like it.
Yun struggles with his bending but also keeps smiling and acting like everything is ok. This trope is exhausted to death by anime. We do not see a human side of Yun. He is not tortured by the training or the fatique of not being able to bend fire or the pressure and expectation of being Avatar. He just smiles and flirts with Kyoshi. He also asks her to go with him to a peace treaty signing with pirates all because he wants to have her there so he feels loved. But this thinly disguises the fact the author needed a reason to have her at the signing so she can earthbend and save everyone. Take Rangi, your apointed body guard.
Yun returns at the end of the novel as a deus ex machina and kills Jianzhu in an admittedly badass way. 10/10. However, Yun is dead, reappears as a ghost, then earth bends. The possibility of this within the fiction is near zero UNLESS FC Yee is trying add to the lore of spirit magic and bending. To that I say “Learn to be a better writer first.”
Kirima is an okay character. We traditionally see water benders as good guys, but she is a tough leader of a gang of criminals. Again we are told that, not shown. 5/10. Mid teir.
Wong is a worse comedic relief than Sokka. Where Sokka learns to become a leader from a close minded sceptic and redeem this quality, Wong is indistinct from any other background earth bender. He eventually becomes Kyoshis earthbending teacher and he starts to fill out a teacher role but is still indistinct. Up until this time, he carrys no air of educator at all. Remember, he’s a pirate criminal. This turn of character seems to come from the team learning that Kyoshi is the Avatar, something she kept secret. But Wong is the only one who changes their behavior based on this. Meeting the most important person in the world doesn’t effect them, I guess. Doesn’t seem reasonable.
Lek is a kid that idolizes Kyoshi’s parents, but acts out like a toddler when she speaks poorly of them. I am left feeling disatisfied by a criminal outlaw that throws tantrums when someone speaks ill of their pseudo mommy and daddy. Lek is poorly written as a rival to Kyoshi, if if fact that was Yee’s intention. You see it in their banter and interactions. Lek is killed by a poison that only incapacitates all others effected. It was like the author needed him to die real quick and didnt know how to do it, but also didn’t want to rewrite the chapter.
Now is a good time to mention that characters can be annoying to other characters, but they should not be annoying to the reader. Doing this is a form of self sabotage. Its like serving up raw eggs for breakfast on purpose and calling it art. You just wouldn’t do it.
Lao Ge is poorly written too, despite being an interesting character idea. Lao is meant to be Kyoshi’s spiritual leader in this story. He leads her to the ancient technique of prolonging ones life with spirit magic. But this man reads like an embarassing drunk uncle that no one responds to when he speaks. He acts like he’s cool, wanders off constantly and returns covered in blood to a group thats asks no questions. Criminals still ask questions. In fact, they are more paranoid on account of being criminals. For example, there is a scene where they leave without him and realize they forgot him and have to go back. This scene amounts to nothing. Why was it in the book? Whoops, he’s also a master assassin. We are told this over and over but never see it in action. Boo. Don’t suggest violence. Show us violence.
Why is this group of criminals still together anyway? They lost their leaders, Kyoshi’s parents. Wouldn’t the find new jobs? Thin the herd. Theres too many characters.
Jianzhu acts more suspicious after he is identified as the villain which is a trope found in childrens television to remind children he is bad now. The fact it is here insults the readers intellegence. His villain motivations are not explained well. Does he care more about identifying the Avatar than his lifelong friend Kelsang or the life of the innocent? Also, a villain doesnt need to kill someone to be identified as the villain but youll find that trope here too. Clever writing can remedy this all the same. He does do cool evil guy things, but they are explained after the fact instead of showing him coniving these schemes and putting them into action. His death is awesome, but his final confrontation with Kyoshi is not spectacular. There is no final battle like one might expect. He the one that ghost Yun kills.
It is unclear if this book is meant for a YA reader audience or the adult audience that watched ATLA as kids. The story is grittier, bloodier and violent with explicit deaths and torture. All the while bearing a sheen of squeeky clean Nickelodean dialogue and unfunny humor that has an obvious limit. The book says they swear, but the exact words do not show up in dialogue. Characters are impaled and gored, but the 3rd person narration takes breaks from descriptions of this for quippy commentary on the things happening. Who says these things? Kyoshi? But its in third person. This clashes with the perspective and shows indecision on the part of the author.
The perspective is stuck between 1st and 3rd. 1st serves better for the YA audience where Kyoshi might think these quippy things to herself or have thoughts that help the reader understand context better. 3rd person would serve the adult audience better with a matter of fact telling of the story. Maybe even change between characters in some chapters and fill in some of these gaps. Instead the book strattles the line between these two perspectives and suffers greatly. You have humorous commentary and scene descriptions coming from the same source. It breaks immersion when the reader is stuck wondering who is telling the story.
YA is an oversaturatedand flawed genre anyway. Its almost designed to trick teens into thinking they are reading adult books.
Yee includes too many comparisons, similies and analogies. Each one is meant to create world building, where the text compares a creature in the ATLA world to a situation at hand. But they start coming up too often in the back half of the book. This also seems to rise in frequency as descriptions get vaguer. It felt like Yee lacked the proper lexicon to describe what was happening as the story approached the end. Analogies should be used to explain difficult things, not just thrown in recklessly.
One moment sticks out from this book that reminds me of ATLA. While Yun and Kyoshi are silently trying to meditate before Jianzhu summons a spirit to finally identify the correct Avatar, the two teens speak for a second. Eyes closed, Kyoshi whispers “You know what would be funny? If neither of us were the Avatar.” This captures elements of friendship between the two kids, character humor, and SHOWS these two still care for each other no matter what happens next. Yun’s response isn’t even remotely appropriate, memorable or clever. The opportunity is a total loss.
Another moment of total loss and tonal dissonance is when Kyoshi, Rangi and the convicts go to a hidden secret criminal town that is described as being so cut throat, you don’t even look at people in the eye. Just then the group sees two men collide after turning a blind corner and drop their stuff. Page 224. They exchange appologies, act very polite, and depart. (This is told to the reader, not shown with appropriatly funny dialogue). Lek then explains the two men will meet tonight on the challenge grounds and fight to the death. However, that night at the challenge grounds, you don’t see those characters; a total whiff on Yee’s part. Instead you read about one man bludgeoning another man to death with barehands in pure gladitorial bloodsport. This scene shows the whimsy of ATLA, the gorey violence that Yee wanted and his befuddled attempt at writing something that blends the two.
All of this leads me to conclude the book is for a YA audience, which is unfortunate because ATLA was for everyone; YA, adult and children. It is a children’s show that adults can find a surprising amount of depth and humor in. Yee’s doesn’t hold a candle to the writing of Aaron Ehasz.
The argument that this books is allowed to be bad because its for kids falls apart for the same reason. The expert writing of Aaron Ehazs in ATLA is what imortalizes it to this day; the dialogue, the characters, and the story. ATLA is a kids cartoon by which all cinema and television are compared. This is simply not on that level.
When this level of integrity is left to be followed up by an author with one previously published work, underdelivery should be expected. Kyoshi book 1 is FC Yee’s second published work and it shows. I would be interested in learning more about FC Yee’s past unpublished experiences in writing and qualifications.
So again, this book is like a meeting that should have been an email. The story is not “worth the read”. The historical facts are more valuable. For example, telling someone that Kyoshi’s dad is a pirate earthbender and her mother is a disgraced criminal airbender is a total surprise and sparks good speculative conversation. But the way the novel presents this information is clumsy and ignorant of how rare these circumstances are within the fiction. These historical facts are just as compelling when read on the Avatar wiki page, negating the necessity for a book in the first place. I think this is symptomatic of writing a prequal too. We know enough about Kyoshi to be interested in her character, so the facts about her should be presented interestingly with art and showmanship.
This book leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that most of what FC Yee knows about writing was learned from anime, a genre so polluted its not worth even sifting through to find quality content. Hot take, I know.
His other books on Genie Lo (2017, 2020) are teen dramas with ‘the chosen one’ trope, as the summaries suggest. That must be why that shows in this book. Maybe FC Yee can only write one type of book.
Yee is also not an author by trade. He said in an interview that he works in mobile gaming as the guy who makes “everything less fun by adding stuff to the game you have to pay for.” He went to college for Economics, or so I read on his wiki page.
His book publisher proposed the two book series idea to Nickelodeon, it was not a matter of the creators carefully hand picking a writer. He also only worked with Mike DiMartino. In his interview, he says he did not work with Bryan Konietzko and never even mentions Aaron Ehasz. I believe this is to the great detrement of the story.
I’ve heard that people really liked this book. However, I wonder if that is genuine affection or the same kind of denial Star Wars fans had when the Phantom Menace came out. I draw this parallel because my father was that person. He recomended this book to me and gave it high praise in the same way he did when Phantom Menace released.
The fans, my father and myself included, are starved for any canon ATLA material. Feeding the fans undercooked meals is no way to make a fanbase grow. The ATLA fanbase already got food poisoning from M Knight’s movie. It recovered, but at a cost. I hate to think what might happen after the Netflix show and the animated movie of adult Aang.
I understand that Yee was a fan of the material. In fact, he and I share the same favorite character. So know that this is not an attack on a fellow fan of ATLA, I simply believe Yee is not the man for this job. Avatar deserves better than to be relegated to a YA novel lost in a sea of overproduced assembly line YA content. Avatar deserves a better writer. Save your fine cutlery for fine dining, don’t use polished silver to eat fast food.
To end, I leave you with this: if you want more Avatar content, gather some friends and play the Avatar rpg by Magpie Games. It is the most fun I’ve had in the ATLA world since I was a kid. If you play it right, you get that same sense of magic you got back in 2005 when Book Water came out.
Below is a link to an interview with Yee.
https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2019/07/15/from-fan-to-avatar-writer-f-c-yee-on-developing-the-story-of-avatar-kyoshi/amp/