Is swollen lymph nodes always bad
Swollenlymphnodes
2020.06.25 23:25 SensitiveBorder2 Swollenlymphnodes
THIS GROUP IS PRIMARILY FOR CHRONICALLY ENLARGED LYMPH NODES WITH NO CAUSE FOUND Most everyone here has had lymph nodes swell up and never fully return to their original size. A lot of us panicked and seen nothing but cancer stories until finding so many others who simply had nodes pop up and stay that way and this community is hopefully going to be a place to calm the anxieties of many and for us to discuss our experiences with swollen nodes that stayed there forever.
2014.09.19 01:24 healthyalmonds Staphylococcus aureus bacteria colonizing the body: the unifying agent of acute and chronic disease
Staphylococcus aureus is a bacteria that can live in the nostrils, ears, mouth, tonsils, and skin. It may cause or be associated with your congestion, swollen lymph nodes, sinus problems, sore throat, eczema, rosacea, acne, cystic pimples, folliculitis, bowel disease, chronic fatigue, diabetes, lupus, weight gain, hair loss, and other diseases. Chlorhexidine, iodine, or Triple Antibiotic Ointment (Neosporin) may stop the Staph infection. See inside for more information.
2010.08.26 03:32 fazalzubair5 Dental Care For Your Dog
2024.06.01 12:40 Kikuh1ko Some info for the 3/3/3/3 run
Hello, I want to ask a question about this type of run on the system shock remake. I need to destroy all the cpu nodes necessarly for the reactor code ? Cause I've noticed that the number is always the same after the first time you destroy them. So maybe I can destroy them once, get the number and recharge another save file without the need to destroy them since I know already the right number ?
submitted by Kikuh1ko to systemshock [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 12:39 beaudetergent Cooked or not?
My dad side is clear , but my mother side has only her brother with a kinda bad hairline. He is in his 50 but his hairline was always bad and his forehead big so dunno if he is or not truly balding. It strange cuz my mom dad is not balding and neither was her mom dad. So i don't know why my uncle is balding
submitted by beaudetergent to bald [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 12:38 HopefulBrain1697 AITAH, because I just left my friends birthday party, without saying anything?
Well, yesterday I (15f) was at a birthday for my friend (16f) who turned 16. She wanted to celebrate from the evening before her birthday, up to the morning of her birthday, so we all came to her house at around 6 to 8pm. I arrived at her place at 7pm, just like some of our mutual friends. For the first hour, we just sat around talking, and joking around like always, just chilling and not really doing much. My friends family was also there, because she wanted to celebrate with her friends and family at the same time, which was alright, but a bit weird, because one of her uncles kept coming to me and one of my friends, getting very close, and he was obviously already pretty drunk. We just went somewhere else, so that was okay.
Now for context, I am 15 years old and I live in Germany, so its not illegal and not uncommon for people my age to drink alcohol. I am not much of a party person, I do attend parties, but I never drank alcohol and I am not getting drunk. My friends on the other hand are completely different, drinking so much, they dont even know where they are or whats going on.
Yesterday was no different. By 11pm, everyone, including my friends family was drunk. Most people seemed fine, the music was loud and everyone seemed happy and I was having fun with my friends too. The whole evening my friends have been offering me alcohol, and I dont mean like beer of stuff, they were trying to make me drink things like vodka shots. I always declined and people seemed fine with that at first, but the more drunk they got, the extremer they were trying to make me drink. Even the family of the friend began to try and force me to drink. I always politely said no, but they kept getting more and more forcefully. I eventually walked away from them and hung out with some of my friends and it was fine. They were really drunk, but still seemed to have normal cognitive functions and didn’t fall over everytime they get up.
One of my friends that was sitting next to me already had like 3 cups of a drink one of our friends mixed with contained a LOT of alcohol. She didn’t seem to well, so I asked her if she was okay and she told me, that she didn’t feel to well and probably had to throw up. I was already used to stuff like that, because usually I am the one caring for my friends at parties if they cant get home by themselves or feel sick. If grabbed her arm and pulled her up, pulling her with me into the house, going to the bathroom and pulling her inside, and sat her down next to the toilet, while grabbing a cup of water from the sink, so she could drink some. She immediately began throwing up into the toilet and I just stayed there, not really knowing what else to do but sit there and wait for it to he over and then clean her up a little and call her parents to come pick her up. When she was finished, I cleaned her face a little and gave her something to drink.
It was 2am by now, everyone was wasted by now, people were laying around the lawn and I didn’t really know what to do. I was the youngest one there and I‘m not very tall or strong, so I couldn’t really help anyone up. My friends were wasted and came over to me, kind of making fun of me for not drinking. I dont even know why they would say that? I know they probably only acted like that, because they were really drunk, but them constantly making fun of me in their drunken state was really annoying, especially because I was gonna have to be the one getting them into bed and the walking home by myself, which is dangerous as it is, because it was late at night and as I said, I am a shorter girl. They kept laughing at me, and I eventually had enough and just left.
I didn’t really tell anyone I left, because they were too drunk and wouldn’t notice anyways. I walked home and went to bed. The next morning I woke up to texts from my friends, asking where I was, telling me they didn’t feel well and asking me if I could come help them. I feel kinda bad, because I knew that they were probably really intoxicated. I also got a text from the friends whose birthday party it was and she told me, that I was an A-hole for just disappeared, because everyone was drunk and she thought I was gonna help a bit, because she knew I didn’t drink. I understand why she thought that, but I dont think its my responsibility to take care of anyone, because I was invited just like everyone else and its not my responsibility to take care of our older friends and her drunk family members. I feel a bit bad though, because they are still my friends and probably all felt really bad and no one could help them, because everyone else was just as drunk. Should I apologize now and AITAH?
submitted by HopefulBrain1697 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Now for context, I am 15 years old and I live in Germany, so its not illegal and not uncommon for people my age to drink alcohol. I am not much of a party person, I do attend parties, but I never drank alcohol and I am not getting drunk. My friends on the other hand are completely different, drinking so much, they dont even know where they are or whats going on.
Yesterday was no different. By 11pm, everyone, including my friends family was drunk. Most people seemed fine, the music was loud and everyone seemed happy and I was having fun with my friends too. The whole evening my friends have been offering me alcohol, and I dont mean like beer of stuff, they were trying to make me drink things like vodka shots. I always declined and people seemed fine with that at first, but the more drunk they got, the extremer they were trying to make me drink. Even the family of the friend began to try and force me to drink. I always politely said no, but they kept getting more and more forcefully. I eventually walked away from them and hung out with some of my friends and it was fine. They were really drunk, but still seemed to have normal cognitive functions and didn’t fall over everytime they get up.
One of my friends that was sitting next to me already had like 3 cups of a drink one of our friends mixed with contained a LOT of alcohol. She didn’t seem to well, so I asked her if she was okay and she told me, that she didn’t feel to well and probably had to throw up. I was already used to stuff like that, because usually I am the one caring for my friends at parties if they cant get home by themselves or feel sick. If grabbed her arm and pulled her up, pulling her with me into the house, going to the bathroom and pulling her inside, and sat her down next to the toilet, while grabbing a cup of water from the sink, so she could drink some. She immediately began throwing up into the toilet and I just stayed there, not really knowing what else to do but sit there and wait for it to he over and then clean her up a little and call her parents to come pick her up. When she was finished, I cleaned her face a little and gave her something to drink.
It was 2am by now, everyone was wasted by now, people were laying around the lawn and I didn’t really know what to do. I was the youngest one there and I‘m not very tall or strong, so I couldn’t really help anyone up. My friends were wasted and came over to me, kind of making fun of me for not drinking. I dont even know why they would say that? I know they probably only acted like that, because they were really drunk, but them constantly making fun of me in their drunken state was really annoying, especially because I was gonna have to be the one getting them into bed and the walking home by myself, which is dangerous as it is, because it was late at night and as I said, I am a shorter girl. They kept laughing at me, and I eventually had enough and just left.
I didn’t really tell anyone I left, because they were too drunk and wouldn’t notice anyways. I walked home and went to bed. The next morning I woke up to texts from my friends, asking where I was, telling me they didn’t feel well and asking me if I could come help them. I feel kinda bad, because I knew that they were probably really intoxicated. I also got a text from the friends whose birthday party it was and she told me, that I was an A-hole for just disappeared, because everyone was drunk and she thought I was gonna help a bit, because she knew I didn’t drink. I understand why she thought that, but I dont think its my responsibility to take care of anyone, because I was invited just like everyone else and its not my responsibility to take care of our older friends and her drunk family members. I feel a bit bad though, because they are still my friends and probably all felt really bad and no one could help them, because everyone else was just as drunk. Should I apologize now and AITAH?
2024.06.01 12:37 reviedox PC on carpet under desk
I always had a PC next to me on a desk, however I built a new one and it has a pretty loud PSU and fans on regular curve. Putting it under the table eliminates most of the noise even with faster fans, but I'm bit worried whether it was a good decision. I have a carpet, put it on cardboard, but I also have lots of pets and live in a dusty area. Apart from the increasing cleaning, is it that bad? I heard about decreased air flow and hotter temperatures, but I don't understand why it would be worse on the floor?
My question is, should I buy new PSU and/or fans ASAP or can I just keep it on the floor as long as I clean it more often? Thanks!
submitted by reviedox to buildapc [link] [comments]
My question is, should I buy new PSU and/or fans ASAP or can I just keep it on the floor as long as I clean it more often? Thanks!
2024.06.01 12:37 Bubbly-Airline3235 I feel like I have no control over my life
I’m the youngest sibling and life has always kind of felt like following my oldest siblings steps in one way or another, being constantly compared to them whether it was to point out how bad or how good I was. “You’re so stubborn just like a”. “You’re smart just like b”. “You should be more like c”.
As a child I was really scared of my siblings as a whole because they would find something to nitpick about me or to make fun of. I never followed particular trends, straying away from getting to passionate about things because I strongly disliked getting their opinions about it. I didn’t want to be a fan of any band/singer or hang up posters because I didn’t want to care a lot about something and it being seen as ridiculous and made fun of, something some of my siblings would do immediately if I showed interests like those. I just stuck to following what they liked so I could feel safe and like a was a part of a family that would otherwise tell me that I was different from them, that I somehow didn’t belong.
While my relationships with my siblings have drastically improved and they have grown as people (they don’t make fun of me and have asked for forgiveness for the bullying-like relationships we use to have when I was younger) I still feel like all that made me really “stuck”, like I haven’t grown at all as a person and I’m still that 12 yo scared of everything. I feel that not being able to experiment with anything that could be considered cringy by them has left me as a shell of a person with no personality or passion.
When I graduated from High School I learned that my country’s financial aid wouldn’t cover my college tuition for reasons I will not explain in detail. My parents weren’t able to help either and the pairing of college tuition being very expensive in my country while the minimum wage being really low basically meant that I would have to go into debt for a college career in a major I wasn’t even sure about since I’m not passionate about anything.
One of my siblings is living abroad in a first world country with a high paying job and they gave me the amazing opportunity to study there, telling me they would help me finance a degree and could stay with them and their spouse until I finished. I was really happy about everything and felt like it was a huge blessing.
But now I’m soon to graduate and feel really miserable inside every day.
I hate my major and only chose it because I was convinced by everyone else that it was the best option because it had the biggest chance to get a good salary. Although they didn’t say it directly, my sibling made some passing comments alluding to their money not going to a good place if it was being spent on studying “something useless” which made me feel guilty so I ended up caving in and studying that for 4 years. I don’t feel like I’m competent enough at what I studied nor do I feel like I even like it enough to feel motivated to get better at it. I’m just angry and miserable anytime I think of getting a job in my field.
Furthermore, when I’ve tried to discuss a future in which I move out after I get a job, I’ve gotten shut down by my sibling and their spouse. As “there’s no reason to do that, you can just stay with us. Once you start making money after college it will be even better because we’ll have a triple income household and will get a bigger place for all of us”. I said that I really would like to be independent and live on my own after that. They just said again in a jokey way that they didn’t spend all that money on me just for me to leave. That just makes me feel guilty. I feel regret every day, like I wish I would I’ve turned down this opportunity just so I didn’t owe them so much and felt so obligated to follow whatever plan that have for me, or met every expectation they have.
I feel bad for sounding so whiny when I recognize they have done a lot for me and they’re actually really great people in general. I know they have done everything having my wellbeing and best interest in mind. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like my life isn’t mine and like if I make one wrong step or go against their wishes I would lose all the support system I have. As graduation approaches I can’t even feel excited for my future and just feel numb and disconnected, like it doesn’t belong to me and it just a movie of somebody else’s life. I feel like I took someone else’s identity and it doesn’t fit at all. I don’t know what to do.
submitted by Bubbly-Airline3235 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
As a child I was really scared of my siblings as a whole because they would find something to nitpick about me or to make fun of. I never followed particular trends, straying away from getting to passionate about things because I strongly disliked getting their opinions about it. I didn’t want to be a fan of any band/singer or hang up posters because I didn’t want to care a lot about something and it being seen as ridiculous and made fun of, something some of my siblings would do immediately if I showed interests like those. I just stuck to following what they liked so I could feel safe and like a was a part of a family that would otherwise tell me that I was different from them, that I somehow didn’t belong.
While my relationships with my siblings have drastically improved and they have grown as people (they don’t make fun of me and have asked for forgiveness for the bullying-like relationships we use to have when I was younger) I still feel like all that made me really “stuck”, like I haven’t grown at all as a person and I’m still that 12 yo scared of everything. I feel that not being able to experiment with anything that could be considered cringy by them has left me as a shell of a person with no personality or passion.
When I graduated from High School I learned that my country’s financial aid wouldn’t cover my college tuition for reasons I will not explain in detail. My parents weren’t able to help either and the pairing of college tuition being very expensive in my country while the minimum wage being really low basically meant that I would have to go into debt for a college career in a major I wasn’t even sure about since I’m not passionate about anything.
One of my siblings is living abroad in a first world country with a high paying job and they gave me the amazing opportunity to study there, telling me they would help me finance a degree and could stay with them and their spouse until I finished. I was really happy about everything and felt like it was a huge blessing.
But now I’m soon to graduate and feel really miserable inside every day.
I hate my major and only chose it because I was convinced by everyone else that it was the best option because it had the biggest chance to get a good salary. Although they didn’t say it directly, my sibling made some passing comments alluding to their money not going to a good place if it was being spent on studying “something useless” which made me feel guilty so I ended up caving in and studying that for 4 years. I don’t feel like I’m competent enough at what I studied nor do I feel like I even like it enough to feel motivated to get better at it. I’m just angry and miserable anytime I think of getting a job in my field.
Furthermore, when I’ve tried to discuss a future in which I move out after I get a job, I’ve gotten shut down by my sibling and their spouse. As “there’s no reason to do that, you can just stay with us. Once you start making money after college it will be even better because we’ll have a triple income household and will get a bigger place for all of us”. I said that I really would like to be independent and live on my own after that. They just said again in a jokey way that they didn’t spend all that money on me just for me to leave. That just makes me feel guilty. I feel regret every day, like I wish I would I’ve turned down this opportunity just so I didn’t owe them so much and felt so obligated to follow whatever plan that have for me, or met every expectation they have.
I feel bad for sounding so whiny when I recognize they have done a lot for me and they’re actually really great people in general. I know they have done everything having my wellbeing and best interest in mind. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like my life isn’t mine and like if I make one wrong step or go against their wishes I would lose all the support system I have. As graduation approaches I can’t even feel excited for my future and just feel numb and disconnected, like it doesn’t belong to me and it just a movie of somebody else’s life. I feel like I took someone else’s identity and it doesn’t fit at all. I don’t know what to do.
2024.06.01 12:37 palpoonchy Is this normal? I feel like I can't relate with many people
Ok so first things first, I am well acquainted with abuse and abusers, grew up in a very abusive family, except for s*xual abuse I went through everything else with them, of course this led me to see abuse as normal behavior, most kids bullied me, some close friends took advantage of my spineless behavior, and later on, I had abusive romantic partners.
Not all of them were, of course, but the ones that were I can think back and see the red flags I missed, eventually I went to therapy and kind of learned how to see them better, all that stuff.
Then comes my last ex. He was, well, great. He was attentive, kind, generous, his family welcomed me as a new addition from the first day, it all seemed too good to be true. The thing is, with other abusers, this façade would soon collapse, they weren't able to sustain it for long, but my ex seemed to really be like this, the only shady thing I can think of his past self it that he's always been very secretive about his emotions and repressed them way too much.
After about a year and a half of dating, several things happened, quarantine was one of them, my mental health decline was the other. I tried meds for the first time, it backfired and left me su*cidal for months, I had agoraphobia and went back to being terrified of people. That's when the silent treatment and refusing to get intimate with me and all the arguing began. His point was that he was okay with supporting me with my mental health stuff, as long as it got better and not worse, I tried to explain to him that sometimes things do get worse and there's nothing I can possibly do about it, he would get angrier and say that either I got "cured" or he would leave.
You can imagine how fragile I was back then, terrified of my friends,of going outside, I went back to my mom's house because of covid and had to deal with her abuse again, he felt like the only person I could trust. Even if I knew everything he was saying about mental illnesses was plain wrong, I chose to stick with him because he genuinely sounded like he wanted the best for me.
But everything only got worse, of course, his own life got harder, he was a sheltered kid that never worked or lived on his own, I on the other hand have been working ever since I was 17, we moved in together and you guessed it, it got even worse.
He was doing an unpaid internship where he would mostly observe others work instead of doing something himself, I worked part time because I wanted a little break from working 7am to 4pm for so long, so he was basically living off me and his parents, I also did most of the housework because he'd be there for so long, he didn't even have to, but he was there all day. Not only he never thanked me but he would belittle me for working part time and criticized my cooking, he was a picky eater and was used to his mom adapting to him so I had no idea this was a thing, he hated all veggies and everything that wasn't basically soup or meat and rice/potatoes. We both got folic acid deficiency from this btw, so I'm not exaggerating.
At some point my brain just gave up, I was so incredibly exhausted all the time, physically and mentally. Thank goodness I had the decision to go on a solo vacation with friends after being isolated for years and that's when I realized how badly I was being treated, by being around people who didn't treat me badly. This was last summer, as soon as I got home, the first thing I did was trying to talk to him, and knowing he wouldn't be reasonable, I knew I would have to leave him.
At this point we hadn't gotten intimate in over a year, he refused sleeping with me and would only talk to me to berate me. We argued very often, he was angry all the time, I was on edge all the time, I constantly had panic and anxiety attacks, he would treat me specially bad during these, and when I begged him for a hug sometimes he even hit me.
This was almost a year ago and I'm still broken. My memory is broken, my cognitive functions are half there, I am numb most days, can't feel a thing, not good nor bad, just can't feel, no matter what I do. I am incredibly depressed and don't have the will to do anything. I found someone great who is supportive and amazing in more ways than I can count, found great friends and rekindled friendships I left unattended because of my ex, and still I can't be there for them, not really, because I am not really here most of the time, went to therapy but can't yet afford trying EMDR (will be able soon, after I move from here) and I can't learn anything more from my therapist, it's also expensive. I quit my job and am living off my savings and unemployment, went back to one of my hobbies he used to belittle and criticize so much, I've been hired for collaborations right away and I am in several projects and I can't give my all and feel like I am disappointing people and most importantly myself all the time.
I miss the old me so bad, the one that's trapped beneath this impenetrable armor, and even though things have gotten kind of better, I hate being this fragile, quiet, soft person, when I used to be the polar opposite, I have nothing against quiet and soft people, I love them, it just feels wrong for me.
It took me a lot of work but before dating this idiot for almost 5 years, I got to be this extroverted, fun and warm person that had a million friends and was incredibly energetic, I used to be super physically active, went to a lot of social events, I had so many hobbies and was starting to carve wood. He took it all, and I have no idea how.
As I said at the start of this post, abuse is my whole life. No matter how much my family told me I sucked, they never took the fun out of things for me, if anything, it gave me that spark, that "I'll do what I want!" inner Cartman. No matter how much I was bullied or belittled by others, it never broke me, I was pretty much used to it. But this guy did.
Whenever I talk about toxic relationships with friends or people I meet, it's always kind of the same, "oh we were not compatible at all and refused to accept it haha" or "they were abusive from the start I just didn't know how abuse worked!" but I haven't found someone that went through the same thing as me, someone who's ex was perfect and then became abusive and disgusting, I left a lot out of it for the sake of brevity but his political views and overall morality changed a lot during all this.
I don't know how coherent this is, kinda need to vent , thanks to whoever read it at all, good luck with your own struggles ♥
submitted by palpoonchy to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
Not all of them were, of course, but the ones that were I can think back and see the red flags I missed, eventually I went to therapy and kind of learned how to see them better, all that stuff.
Then comes my last ex. He was, well, great. He was attentive, kind, generous, his family welcomed me as a new addition from the first day, it all seemed too good to be true. The thing is, with other abusers, this façade would soon collapse, they weren't able to sustain it for long, but my ex seemed to really be like this, the only shady thing I can think of his past self it that he's always been very secretive about his emotions and repressed them way too much.
After about a year and a half of dating, several things happened, quarantine was one of them, my mental health decline was the other. I tried meds for the first time, it backfired and left me su*cidal for months, I had agoraphobia and went back to being terrified of people. That's when the silent treatment and refusing to get intimate with me and all the arguing began. His point was that he was okay with supporting me with my mental health stuff, as long as it got better and not worse, I tried to explain to him that sometimes things do get worse and there's nothing I can possibly do about it, he would get angrier and say that either I got "cured" or he would leave.
You can imagine how fragile I was back then, terrified of my friends,of going outside, I went back to my mom's house because of covid and had to deal with her abuse again, he felt like the only person I could trust. Even if I knew everything he was saying about mental illnesses was plain wrong, I chose to stick with him because he genuinely sounded like he wanted the best for me.
But everything only got worse, of course, his own life got harder, he was a sheltered kid that never worked or lived on his own, I on the other hand have been working ever since I was 17, we moved in together and you guessed it, it got even worse.
He was doing an unpaid internship where he would mostly observe others work instead of doing something himself, I worked part time because I wanted a little break from working 7am to 4pm for so long, so he was basically living off me and his parents, I also did most of the housework because he'd be there for so long, he didn't even have to, but he was there all day. Not only he never thanked me but he would belittle me for working part time and criticized my cooking, he was a picky eater and was used to his mom adapting to him so I had no idea this was a thing, he hated all veggies and everything that wasn't basically soup or meat and rice/potatoes. We both got folic acid deficiency from this btw, so I'm not exaggerating.
At some point my brain just gave up, I was so incredibly exhausted all the time, physically and mentally. Thank goodness I had the decision to go on a solo vacation with friends after being isolated for years and that's when I realized how badly I was being treated, by being around people who didn't treat me badly. This was last summer, as soon as I got home, the first thing I did was trying to talk to him, and knowing he wouldn't be reasonable, I knew I would have to leave him.
At this point we hadn't gotten intimate in over a year, he refused sleeping with me and would only talk to me to berate me. We argued very often, he was angry all the time, I was on edge all the time, I constantly had panic and anxiety attacks, he would treat me specially bad during these, and when I begged him for a hug sometimes he even hit me.
This was almost a year ago and I'm still broken. My memory is broken, my cognitive functions are half there, I am numb most days, can't feel a thing, not good nor bad, just can't feel, no matter what I do. I am incredibly depressed and don't have the will to do anything. I found someone great who is supportive and amazing in more ways than I can count, found great friends and rekindled friendships I left unattended because of my ex, and still I can't be there for them, not really, because I am not really here most of the time, went to therapy but can't yet afford trying EMDR (will be able soon, after I move from here) and I can't learn anything more from my therapist, it's also expensive. I quit my job and am living off my savings and unemployment, went back to one of my hobbies he used to belittle and criticize so much, I've been hired for collaborations right away and I am in several projects and I can't give my all and feel like I am disappointing people and most importantly myself all the time.
I miss the old me so bad, the one that's trapped beneath this impenetrable armor, and even though things have gotten kind of better, I hate being this fragile, quiet, soft person, when I used to be the polar opposite, I have nothing against quiet and soft people, I love them, it just feels wrong for me.
It took me a lot of work but before dating this idiot for almost 5 years, I got to be this extroverted, fun and warm person that had a million friends and was incredibly energetic, I used to be super physically active, went to a lot of social events, I had so many hobbies and was starting to carve wood. He took it all, and I have no idea how.
As I said at the start of this post, abuse is my whole life. No matter how much my family told me I sucked, they never took the fun out of things for me, if anything, it gave me that spark, that "I'll do what I want!" inner Cartman. No matter how much I was bullied or belittled by others, it never broke me, I was pretty much used to it. But this guy did.
Whenever I talk about toxic relationships with friends or people I meet, it's always kind of the same, "oh we were not compatible at all and refused to accept it haha" or "they were abusive from the start I just didn't know how abuse worked!" but I haven't found someone that went through the same thing as me, someone who's ex was perfect and then became abusive and disgusting, I left a lot out of it for the sake of brevity but his political views and overall morality changed a lot during all this.
I don't know how coherent this is, kinda need to vent , thanks to whoever read it at all, good luck with your own struggles ♥
2024.06.01 12:35 bridgetupsidedown Lupus, pregnancy and small baby
Four days ago I had my 3rd baby via c section. She was born on the 7th percentile. My second baby (now 4) was born on the 30th percentile (which is great). My first baby (now 6) was also born on the 7th percentile.
I took aspirin through each pregnancy. I also had lots of growth scans that placed my babies at around the 50th percentile. However my tummy (fundal height) always measured 4-5 weeks smaller and my bumps looked small. All born at 38-40 weeks.
I have very mild Lupus and never had symptoms during pregnancy. I’ve not had a bad flare in 10+ years.
I have no other risk factors for small babies so I’m wondering if it might be Lupus in some way causing this.
Anyone else experienced this or know if Lupus is likely a cause of it?
submitted by bridgetupsidedown to lupus [link] [comments]
I took aspirin through each pregnancy. I also had lots of growth scans that placed my babies at around the 50th percentile. However my tummy (fundal height) always measured 4-5 weeks smaller and my bumps looked small. All born at 38-40 weeks.
I have very mild Lupus and never had symptoms during pregnancy. I’ve not had a bad flare in 10+ years.
I have no other risk factors for small babies so I’m wondering if it might be Lupus in some way causing this.
Anyone else experienced this or know if Lupus is likely a cause of it?
2024.06.01 12:35 wistfulsunlight Hyperpop: Avant-Garde, Kitsch, and Queer Temporality
This is a paper I wrote for my genre class. Thought you guys might appreciate it.
A Soulja Boy interpolation and unabashed, blaring computerized synths drives That Kid’s track “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” where he relies on the nostalgic interpolation singing, “I just wanna kiss you / But I can't right now / So baby kiss me thru the phone.” Lyrics likes these and glitchy, distorted vocals and beats provide a unique listening experience that asks little of the listener in terms of content and expression while asking for contemplation and reflection regarding form. Hyperpop has become a community-based genre, and a space, for independent queer artists to express themselves and develop culture from the sidelines. The genre is attractive because of the tension between its queerly-nostalgic, kitsch lyrical content and avant-garde musical production.
What is Hyperpop?
The microgenre has been covered by The New York Times and The Atlantic with the latter’s article title reading, “Noisy, Ugly, and Addictive.” Hyperpop as a genre began as a Spotify playlist whose relatively small following of about 450,000 currently that, according to The New York Times, followers add to their library at a rate rivaling that of some of the biggest playlists on the platform like “RapCaviar.” WXPN, a non-commercial, member-supported radio service of the University of Pennsylvania, describes hyperpop as “…a genre that takes modern mainstream pop concepts, crushes them up, spits them out, ingests them again, and spits them out again. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration. But not an egregious one.” Maximalist and exaggerative, hyperpop takes the conventions of the pop genre and pushes them to its extreme. Resulting in “surrealist lyrics, overblown bass and high pitch vocals” and “Glitches, metallic sound synths and distorted vocals” (Lucas De Lellis da Silva). Hyperpop is a genre that defies the genre label in its transformation of other genres such as hip-hop, trap, rock, and punk. Its punk influence can also be seen with “its alignment with queerness, anti-capitalist and environmentalist beliefs raises questions on our current notions of technology and issues of representation.”
The Paradox
Hyperpop music production is where it is most avant-garde. The genre imitates pop music and exaggerates it, pop music being an imitation in itself. In his essay, “Avant-Garde and Kitsch,” Clement Greenberg on the avant-garde says, “[According to] Aristotle, all art and literature are imitation, then what we have here is the imitation of imitating.” Greenberg describes Picasso paintings as avant-garde, where the reflection of the painting, the interpretation and deliberation on part of the audience, “are not immediately or externally present in Picasso's painting but must be projected into it by the spectator sensitive enough to react sufficiently to plastic qualities.” On the other hand, Greenberg (misattributing a painting to Repin) describes Repin as a kitsch artist. Greenberg says “the “reflected” effect having already been included in the picture, ready for the spectator's unreflective enjoyment.” Greenberg summarizes this point when he says, “If the avant-garde imitates the processes of art, kitsch, we now see, imitates its effects.” Both avant-garde and kitsch can be seen in hyperpop where the production is avant-garde, glitchy, distorted and experimental and the lyrics are kitsch, overt, and cliché.
There are class biases regarding high art (e.g. avant-garde) and low art (e.g. kitsch). On the material importance of class and aesthetics, Greenberg claims that
On the effect the ruling class’s funding has on the artist, Greenberg says, “precisely because his content was determined in advance, the artist was free to concentrate on his medium. He needed not to be philosopher, or visionary, but simply artificer” (16). Being an artificer allowed artists to focus on their medium and its form. Because hyperpop music is not determined in advance by the ruling class, hyperpop artists instead must focus on form and content which has resulted in avant-garde production and a reliance on kitsch imagery in their lyrics.
Perhaps the most avant-garde, the acclaimed hyperpop song “ringtone remix [feat. Charli XCX, Rico Nasty, Kero Kero Bonito]” by 100 gecs demonstrates the paradox of being avant-garde and kitsch. The song displays a catchy hook with distorted sound effects and pitched up vocals, a rap passage over a rock instrumentation, an interlude asking Charli XCX to sing the hook again, and finally an outro that features whispers and a sparse electronic drums. The song pushes the boundaries of form. However, once again, the lyrics are kitschy; “spilling champagne” and “my boy’s got his own ringtone” which invokes the tradition of giving specific phone numbers particular ringtones popular in the 2000s.
Nostalgic Lyrics
Queer artists in the hyperpop genre have relied on nostalgic lyrics. This queer sensibility is not new or unique to hyperpop. In Time Binds, Elizabeth Freeman posits, “This stubborn lingering of pastness (whether it appears as anachronistic style, as the reappearance of bygone events in the symptom, or as arrested development) is a hallmark of queer affect: a ‘‘revolution’’ in the old sense of the word, as a turning back” (8). Hyperpop follows the queer tradition of expressing pastness in its references to Sidekick phones, Ronald Reagan’s 2004 death, and overall, a Year 2000 aesthetic. Freeman continues,
The genre also does not bend to the musical trends of the moment. A hyperpop artists does not need to constantly update their sound to match the current sonic landscapes because they are creating music that exaggerates a particular decade. Pastness allows for these artists to resist the “commodity-time of speedy manufacture and planned obsolescence,” (Freeman 9) aligning with the anti-capitalist values of the genre.
Nostalgia and kitsch are related. For example, even people that did not experience the 2000s the way Gen Z experienced it can relate and empathize with hyperpop lyrics because they are kitsch. In her essay Stephanie Brown says,
Hyperpop’s Attraction
The hyperpop genre has a tension that can be stated as a capitalist predilection for its kitschy lyrics and an anti-capitalist predilection for its musical production. An example of this is Charli XCX’s recent song “Club classics” whose vapid lyrics convey little to nothing making it easy to consume, with a chorus repeating the lines “When I go to the club, I wanna hear those club classics / Club classics, club, club classics.” However, the production exaggerates the production conventions of traditional pop through minimalist moments of technologic vocals overlaid on a wobbling bass sound effect, a stuttering vocal in the background with orchestral synths at another moment, and shrill harmonies dotting the backend of the track.
Perhaps these lyrics are attractive exactly because they are “beyond the realm of “good taste.”” Paralleling kitsch, camp provides a supplementary set of standards to view art, not as good or bad, but as having meaning or being pure artifice. Brown states, “Camp is a sly celebration of bad taste and vulgarity from a position of privilege” (50). Brown gives an example of a position of privilege as men doing drag; them being men, even if queer, gives them the ability to dress as women and remain men and “enjoy a hegemonic superiority” (50). Perpendicular to camp, kitsch allows a consumer to enjoy art from the position of the underprivileged. Brown also states that enjoying kitsch is like it “is there to entertain us on the basest, most compromised of levels… Junk, like the drunk at the wedding, can get away with doing or saying anything because, by its very appearance, it is already in disgrace.”
The other relational dimension of the attraction to the genre is the rebellion that it provides listeners. Brown writes, “today's consumers look to kitsch consumption as a way of rejecting an aesthetic hierarchy forced upon them by economically determined and class-bound interests.” Listening and enjoying hyperpop for its lyrical content is a kind of revolt from the ruling class’s distinctions of what high and low art are. Hyperpop is both high and low art according to the ruling class. It is preoccupied, plays, and breaks form; in Greenberg’s words, it imitates the processes of art. It also is cliché and overt in its lyrical content, imitating effect. It is through the ambiguation that allows listeners to commit to appreciating it for its high art value, its low art value, or both.
The Future of Hyperpop
However, as the genre grows and opportunities befall hyperpop artists, it has been exploited. Greenberg says, “Capitalism in decline finds that whatever of quality is still capable of producing becomes almost invariably a threat to its own existence” (21). This is evident with artists like Camila Cabello (one of the most listened to artists of today with a powerful label backing her) making a genre switch from pop/Latin pop to hyperpop with her first single “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti off her upcoming album. Other than being poorly received and deemed a Charli XCX rip off by hyperpop fans, Camila Cabello capitalizes and therefore, strips the genre of its underground roots, making even the production of the track redundant. “I LUV IT” is an imitation of an imitation of an imitation. If we were to take this song as a sign, an omen, for the genre, hope for hyperpop shall remain elusive.
submitted by wistfulsunlight to popheads [link] [comments]
A Soulja Boy interpolation and unabashed, blaring computerized synths drives That Kid’s track “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” where he relies on the nostalgic interpolation singing, “I just wanna kiss you / But I can't right now / So baby kiss me thru the phone.” Lyrics likes these and glitchy, distorted vocals and beats provide a unique listening experience that asks little of the listener in terms of content and expression while asking for contemplation and reflection regarding form. Hyperpop has become a community-based genre, and a space, for independent queer artists to express themselves and develop culture from the sidelines. The genre is attractive because of the tension between its queerly-nostalgic, kitsch lyrical content and avant-garde musical production.
What is Hyperpop?
The microgenre has been covered by The New York Times and The Atlantic with the latter’s article title reading, “Noisy, Ugly, and Addictive.” Hyperpop as a genre began as a Spotify playlist whose relatively small following of about 450,000 currently that, according to The New York Times, followers add to their library at a rate rivaling that of some of the biggest playlists on the platform like “RapCaviar.” WXPN, a non-commercial, member-supported radio service of the University of Pennsylvania, describes hyperpop as “…a genre that takes modern mainstream pop concepts, crushes them up, spits them out, ingests them again, and spits them out again. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration. But not an egregious one.” Maximalist and exaggerative, hyperpop takes the conventions of the pop genre and pushes them to its extreme. Resulting in “surrealist lyrics, overblown bass and high pitch vocals” and “Glitches, metallic sound synths and distorted vocals” (Lucas De Lellis da Silva). Hyperpop is a genre that defies the genre label in its transformation of other genres such as hip-hop, trap, rock, and punk. Its punk influence can also be seen with “its alignment with queerness, anti-capitalist and environmentalist beliefs raises questions on our current notions of technology and issues of representation.”
The Paradox
Hyperpop music production is where it is most avant-garde. The genre imitates pop music and exaggerates it, pop music being an imitation in itself. In his essay, “Avant-Garde and Kitsch,” Clement Greenberg on the avant-garde says, “[According to] Aristotle, all art and literature are imitation, then what we have here is the imitation of imitating.” Greenberg describes Picasso paintings as avant-garde, where the reflection of the painting, the interpretation and deliberation on part of the audience, “are not immediately or externally present in Picasso's painting but must be projected into it by the spectator sensitive enough to react sufficiently to plastic qualities.” On the other hand, Greenberg (misattributing a painting to Repin) describes Repin as a kitsch artist. Greenberg says “the “reflected” effect having already been included in the picture, ready for the spectator's unreflective enjoyment.” Greenberg summarizes this point when he says, “If the avant-garde imitates the processes of art, kitsch, we now see, imitates its effects.” Both avant-garde and kitsch can be seen in hyperpop where the production is avant-garde, glitchy, distorted and experimental and the lyrics are kitsch, overt, and cliché.
There are class biases regarding high art (e.g. avant-garde) and low art (e.g. kitsch). On the material importance of class and aesthetics, Greenberg claims that
“No culture can develop without a social basis, without a source of stable income. And in the case of the avant-garde, this was provided by an elite among the ruling class of that society from which it assumed itself to be cut off, but to which it has always remained attached by an umbilical cord of gold. The paradox is real. And now this elite is rapidly shrinking” (8).To Greenberg, and within the context of the time that his essay was published in 1961, the avant-garde belonged to the ruling class because they provided capital that allowed artists to survive and create the art that aligned with the taste of that class. However, because of the ubiquity in technology and specifically the accessibility of Digital Audio Workstations, hyperpop artists defy Greenberg’s expectations by being created and conceptualized by the working class, “a democratized option in the music industry” as Gazelle puts it.
On the effect the ruling class’s funding has on the artist, Greenberg says, “precisely because his content was determined in advance, the artist was free to concentrate on his medium. He needed not to be philosopher, or visionary, but simply artificer” (16). Being an artificer allowed artists to focus on their medium and its form. Because hyperpop music is not determined in advance by the ruling class, hyperpop artists instead must focus on form and content which has resulted in avant-garde production and a reliance on kitsch imagery in their lyrics.
Perhaps the most avant-garde, the acclaimed hyperpop song “ringtone remix [feat. Charli XCX, Rico Nasty, Kero Kero Bonito]” by 100 gecs demonstrates the paradox of being avant-garde and kitsch. The song displays a catchy hook with distorted sound effects and pitched up vocals, a rap passage over a rock instrumentation, an interlude asking Charli XCX to sing the hook again, and finally an outro that features whispers and a sparse electronic drums. The song pushes the boundaries of form. However, once again, the lyrics are kitschy; “spilling champagne” and “my boy’s got his own ringtone” which invokes the tradition of giving specific phone numbers particular ringtones popular in the 2000s.
Nostalgic Lyrics
Queer artists in the hyperpop genre have relied on nostalgic lyrics. This queer sensibility is not new or unique to hyperpop. In Time Binds, Elizabeth Freeman posits, “This stubborn lingering of pastness (whether it appears as anachronistic style, as the reappearance of bygone events in the symptom, or as arrested development) is a hallmark of queer affect: a ‘‘revolution’’ in the old sense of the word, as a turning back” (8). Hyperpop follows the queer tradition of expressing pastness in its references to Sidekick phones, Ronald Reagan’s 2004 death, and overall, a Year 2000 aesthetic. Freeman continues,
““Heather Love’s Feeling Backward, for instance, astutely diagnoses the ‘‘backwards’’ emotions elaborated by artists for whom the birth of the modern homosexual identity-form was constraining rather than liberating: shame, passivity, melancholy, and recoil, to name but a few, were ways of refusing the progressive logic by which becoming ever more visible was correlated with achieving ever more freedom” (8).Hyperpop lyrics largely reminisces the 2000s, which goes against the typical notion of queerness valuing progressiveness and the striving for more freedom. The “backwards” emotions such as shame feel constraining to the modern queer-identifying person; nostalgia allows for them to escape that label to a time where things seem simpler, especially for the Gen-Z artists that make up the genre. In other words, Freeman is saying that “the discipline of ‘‘timing’’ engenders a sense of being and belonging that feels natural” (18). Because queer-identifying people face shame, they rely on a sense of time and timing that mirrors their marginalized lives which is also echoed in the glitchy vocals and musical production.
The genre also does not bend to the musical trends of the moment. A hyperpop artists does not need to constantly update their sound to match the current sonic landscapes because they are creating music that exaggerates a particular decade. Pastness allows for these artists to resist the “commodity-time of speedy manufacture and planned obsolescence,” (Freeman 9) aligning with the anti-capitalist values of the genre.
Nostalgia and kitsch are related. For example, even people that did not experience the 2000s the way Gen Z experienced it can relate and empathize with hyperpop lyrics because they are kitsch. In her essay Stephanie Brown says,
“These [kitsch] objects not only anchor the viewer's memory of a time that is past but also inspire "memories" of an era whose collective Zeitgeist has been so encapsulated as to be readily available, prepackaged, even to those whose individual experiences did not include firsthand knowledge of the phenomena of an earlier decade. The effect—to condense, flatten, and homogenize the discontinuous experiences of a heterogeneous group of people and then to sell these experiences back to them as if they were genuine—is… the inevitable result of the late-capitalist predilection for periodization…” (40).This analysis reveals that kitsch is context dependent. For example, profile avatars, big computers, the “blue screen of death” are all imagery that one may find in cover art for a hyperpop album that also represent a 2000s aesthetic. One may find this flavor of American 2000s memorabilia nostalgic, and another may find them completely meaningless if they are not aware of the context that those objects existed in, the connotation they carry for the artists, or the effect that these depictions have on its intended audience.
Hyperpop’s Attraction
The hyperpop genre has a tension that can be stated as a capitalist predilection for its kitschy lyrics and an anti-capitalist predilection for its musical production. An example of this is Charli XCX’s recent song “Club classics” whose vapid lyrics convey little to nothing making it easy to consume, with a chorus repeating the lines “When I go to the club, I wanna hear those club classics / Club classics, club, club classics.” However, the production exaggerates the production conventions of traditional pop through minimalist moments of technologic vocals overlaid on a wobbling bass sound effect, a stuttering vocal in the background with orchestral synths at another moment, and shrill harmonies dotting the backend of the track.
Perhaps these lyrics are attractive exactly because they are “beyond the realm of “good taste.”” Paralleling kitsch, camp provides a supplementary set of standards to view art, not as good or bad, but as having meaning or being pure artifice. Brown states, “Camp is a sly celebration of bad taste and vulgarity from a position of privilege” (50). Brown gives an example of a position of privilege as men doing drag; them being men, even if queer, gives them the ability to dress as women and remain men and “enjoy a hegemonic superiority” (50). Perpendicular to camp, kitsch allows a consumer to enjoy art from the position of the underprivileged. Brown also states that enjoying kitsch is like it “is there to entertain us on the basest, most compromised of levels… Junk, like the drunk at the wedding, can get away with doing or saying anything because, by its very appearance, it is already in disgrace.”
The other relational dimension of the attraction to the genre is the rebellion that it provides listeners. Brown writes, “today's consumers look to kitsch consumption as a way of rejecting an aesthetic hierarchy forced upon them by economically determined and class-bound interests.” Listening and enjoying hyperpop for its lyrical content is a kind of revolt from the ruling class’s distinctions of what high and low art are. Hyperpop is both high and low art according to the ruling class. It is preoccupied, plays, and breaks form; in Greenberg’s words, it imitates the processes of art. It also is cliché and overt in its lyrical content, imitating effect. It is through the ambiguation that allows listeners to commit to appreciating it for its high art value, its low art value, or both.
The Future of Hyperpop
However, as the genre grows and opportunities befall hyperpop artists, it has been exploited. Greenberg says, “Capitalism in decline finds that whatever of quality is still capable of producing becomes almost invariably a threat to its own existence” (21). This is evident with artists like Camila Cabello (one of the most listened to artists of today with a powerful label backing her) making a genre switch from pop/Latin pop to hyperpop with her first single “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti off her upcoming album. Other than being poorly received and deemed a Charli XCX rip off by hyperpop fans, Camila Cabello capitalizes and therefore, strips the genre of its underground roots, making even the production of the track redundant. “I LUV IT” is an imitation of an imitation of an imitation. If we were to take this song as a sign, an omen, for the genre, hope for hyperpop shall remain elusive.
2024.06.01 12:33 MexicanMonkeyBalz07 The Holocaust Denial Double Standard and Genocide vs Other Genocide (trigger warning: references to Shoah, Rwandan Genocide, gas chambers, machetes, genocide in general)
Many Zionists and organizations like the IHRA claim comparing Israel or its actions to Nazis in ANY way, shape or form is automatically denying the Holocaust. Their main argument is that the Holocaust and Gaza aren't perfectly identical situations. But how many times have you heard Israelis and their allies equate or insinuate Hamas shooting rockets at Israel to the Holocaust and such? Probably a ton. "Never have so many Jews died since the Holocaust." It's opportunistic and sick. Either nothing that isn't identical to the Holocaust can be compared to it, or the opposite. You can have your cake and eat it too. Are the Shoah, Rwandan genocide, Native American genocide or Armenian genocide identical? No. But they are all genocides. All are bad. Genocide is genocide. Doesn't matter whether by gas chambers or bombs or machetes. Doesn't matter whether Jew or Tutsi or Gazan. Doesn't matter whether if 600 die or 6 million. Genocide is always bad and arguing over whether one Genocide is slightly better than another is subjective and pointless. I could subjectively argue the Rwandan genocide was worse than the Holocaust, because I'd subjectively prefer to die by poison gas than be hacked to death with a machete. But I don't, because its a pointless discussion to be had. All that matters is that we as a species acknowledge that genocide is cringe. Simple as that.
submitted by MexicanMonkeyBalz07 to JewsOfConscience [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 12:33 ConclusionOwn802 Why do I only have poor circulation/swelling in one foot?
Since I was about 15 my mom and I had noticed that my left foot is often swollen across the top, while my right foot is never swollen. Most notably after doing activity, you can see the area across the metatarsals raised. Now I am a 21 year old (female), and it still happens daily even when I’m not active.
I can never find a conclusive answer on google for this. I assume poor circulation, but when I google the top three causes are listed as diabetes, obesity, and PAD; none of which apply to me. Is this a form of edema or something else, and what could be causing it?
We have always ignored this because it never impacts my daily life, it does not hurt (often just feeling fizzy/numb), and on a good day the swelling is not noticeable. Should I be concerned about this issue?
submitted by ConclusionOwn802 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
I can never find a conclusive answer on google for this. I assume poor circulation, but when I google the top three causes are listed as diabetes, obesity, and PAD; none of which apply to me. Is this a form of edema or something else, and what could be causing it?
We have always ignored this because it never impacts my daily life, it does not hurt (often just feeling fizzy/numb), and on a good day the swelling is not noticeable. Should I be concerned about this issue?
2024.06.01 12:33 wanderth i am struggling in uni - a rant
TW: Suicide
I'm in my last year ish in univerisity at 32. I have 10 more papers to pass, my exams for 4 papers are in 1.5 weeks. I am behind in 8 weeks for 2 of those papers and behind in 4 weeks for 2 other papers.
I did this to myself. I don't know how to overcome this. At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to do better, last year i failed 2 papers because i didn't try hard enough. But i just couldn't concentrate. Every time i sat down to sit through the lectures or makes notes i just found myself zoning out. I want to quit so bad. But i feel like I’ve always been a quitter. I tried to study engineering in my early 20's and after nearly a year in Uni i just couldn't see myself doing it for my rest of my life.
After years of being in the workforce i decided on accounting. The first year and half was ok. It was hard, I’m not smart. But i felt like i got through it ok. I was bored and mad at it but never felt like how i am feeling right now. Sometimes when i think of sitting down to study i just want to kms. I try to tell myself that I’m overreacting, there are bigger things in this world to worry about, I’m privileged to have this opportunity but then i end up back to that same mind set.
I've thought about quitting. ALOT. But i feel like i am too embarrassed to quit. My parents are proud that i am finally doing something worthwhile in my life. My co-workers all know i study. i just feel like i don’t have the guts to say that it was too much and i quit. And sometimes i think i can do this. i tell myself that its only 10 more papers, i can do this. but how can i? when I’m so behind. these feelings are so overwhelming.
i would say that I’ve had times of depression and anxiety all my life. But sometimes i hate myself and i think... how could i be this depressed about uni? am i minimizing it? i really don't know what to do. I think i got over accounting in year 2 when i decided i don't need it for the career i have chosen, and that i won't be using it once i graduate. i think i just thought .. fuck it? and now i regret it because i really do want to finish it. i want to finish something in my life without being so fucking pathetic.
that’s all. this is just a rant. honestly i don't even know why i am writing this on here. . i feel so fucking hopeless
submitted by wanderth to depression [link] [comments]
I'm in my last year ish in univerisity at 32. I have 10 more papers to pass, my exams for 4 papers are in 1.5 weeks. I am behind in 8 weeks for 2 of those papers and behind in 4 weeks for 2 other papers.
I did this to myself. I don't know how to overcome this. At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to do better, last year i failed 2 papers because i didn't try hard enough. But i just couldn't concentrate. Every time i sat down to sit through the lectures or makes notes i just found myself zoning out. I want to quit so bad. But i feel like I’ve always been a quitter. I tried to study engineering in my early 20's and after nearly a year in Uni i just couldn't see myself doing it for my rest of my life.
After years of being in the workforce i decided on accounting. The first year and half was ok. It was hard, I’m not smart. But i felt like i got through it ok. I was bored and mad at it but never felt like how i am feeling right now. Sometimes when i think of sitting down to study i just want to kms. I try to tell myself that I’m overreacting, there are bigger things in this world to worry about, I’m privileged to have this opportunity but then i end up back to that same mind set.
I've thought about quitting. ALOT. But i feel like i am too embarrassed to quit. My parents are proud that i am finally doing something worthwhile in my life. My co-workers all know i study. i just feel like i don’t have the guts to say that it was too much and i quit. And sometimes i think i can do this. i tell myself that its only 10 more papers, i can do this. but how can i? when I’m so behind. these feelings are so overwhelming.
i would say that I’ve had times of depression and anxiety all my life. But sometimes i hate myself and i think... how could i be this depressed about uni? am i minimizing it? i really don't know what to do. I think i got over accounting in year 2 when i decided i don't need it for the career i have chosen, and that i won't be using it once i graduate. i think i just thought .. fuck it? and now i regret it because i really do want to finish it. i want to finish something in my life without being so fucking pathetic.
that’s all. this is just a rant. honestly i don't even know why i am writing this on here. . i feel so fucking hopeless
2024.06.01 12:31 DogYearsSkateClub i feel really bad for someone because of their weight and demeanor
i got a new job that allows us multiple paid breaks due to the fact we’re constantly cycling in and out. i’m currently in training and there is a trainee from a different class, young kid around my age, who i see around especially during breaks. he’s clearly overweight and very quiet. i see him sitting alone during all of our breaks (in the canteen) which is difficult to see because it’s such a lively and upbeat area - everyone is already friendly with each other and joking around and enjoying their time. for some reason i’m too scared to even go up and introduce myself. i don’t want to bother him as he always has headphones in and seems pretty withdrawn. he’s also noticeably polite. today he stopped and grabbed the door for my trainer who was holding it for all of us, said “ladies first” very quietly and gave her a small smile. this crushed me. i hate how i feel worse for him because of his weight and politeness. i know this is why because there’s other quiet people who prefer to stay to themselves and i don’t feel bad for them. i was in the elevator with him and told him to have a good night while leaving but i’m not doing enough. i just don’t know how to approach him and try to be friendly without bothering him. i also don’t know why it makes me feel so bad. it’s like i’m subconsciously judging him for being overweight and kind since i only feel bad for him and not others and i hate thinking that could be why. i just hope he’s okay and we can become friends :(
submitted by DogYearsSkateClub to offmychest [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 12:31 ConsequenceSure3063 Best 1911 Red Dot
 | submitted by ConsequenceSure3063 to u/ConsequenceSure3063 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/dji68u8vtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28df6640646d1159f54d6bcb0ac9ad47ab9bae60 Welcome to our exciting roundup on the latest and greatest in the world of firearms - specifically, the 1911 Red Dot. If you're a fan of the classic 1911 pistol design, you're in for a treat as we explore the latest advancements, improvements, and innovative features that make this iconic firearm even better. Buckle up and get ready to dive into the world of the 1911 Red Dot, as we bring you the perfect blend of tradition and modernity. The Top 5 Best 1911 Red Dot
Reviews🔗Adjustable Retention IWB Holster for 1911 Red Dot Optic Cuthttps://preview.redd.it/mdonfkhvtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33eae95f494402493bb0b8e9e0e0d3bb2251e38e I recently tried the "1911 5" Government 45ACP with Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut IWB Holster" in my daily life. This holster, made from Kydex material, is specifically designed for the 1911 5" Government 45ACP with Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut. The first positive aspect I noticed was that it's not too flashy, so you can keep your firearm close to your body without drawing too much attention. The material is durable and doesn't flex easily, meaning you can trust it to protect your firearm and keep it secure when it's needed most. However, one downside I experienced was that it took some time to adjust the holster to my personal comfort level. Although the retention is adjustable, it took a fair amount of time to find the right setting. Additionally, the holster is designed for specific gun configurations, so if you don't fit the description perfectly, it might not fit your firearm as securely as you'd like. Overall, I found the "1911 5" Government 45ACP with Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut IWB Holster" to be a decent choice, but it's important to note that it might not be perfect for everyone. If you're looking for a versatile and reliable holster for your specific 1911 5" Government 45ACP with Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut, then this might be the right option for you. But if you're looking for something with more adjustability and a more universal fit, you might want to explore other options. 🔗Adjustable Retention OWB Holster for 1911 5" Government Red Dot Optic Cut Constitutional Carry Lefthttps://preview.redd.it/db9hazvvtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f4373f91ae0485bcfa6ea322f04c964ef5566cf As a seasoned firearm enthusiast, I've tried out many holsters in my time. Recently, I had the opportunity to give the 1911 5" Government No Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut OWB Holster a spin, and I must say, it was quite an experience. The holster's design caught my attention right away, with its patriotic red, white, and blue color scheme. It's a bit unconventional, but it certainly stands out. Made of durable Kydex, the holster seemed well-constructed and reliable. The adjustable retention system allowed me to set the tension to my personal preference, which I appreciated. Unfortunately, the fit wasn't perfect for my 1911. As someone who values a snug and secure holster, I found that this particular model left a lot to be desired. The tension was too loose, which caused the holster to flop around when I tried to draw my firearm. Additionally, the design of the belt clip didn't sit right on my waistband, making it difficult to draw without accidentally unholstering the gun. On the plus side, the sweat guard was a nice touch, preventing any contact between the gun and my body. I also liked that the clip could be adjusted up to 12 different positions, which allowed for more flexibility when carrying my firearm. In conclusion, the 1911 5" Government No Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut OWB Holster had some great features, but fell short when it came to providing a secure and comfortable carry experience. While it may work well for some users, I personally wouldn't recommend it for its poor fit and clumsily designed belt clip. 🔗Comfortable OWB Holster for 1911 5" Government 45ACP with Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cuthttps://preview.redd.it/rl8eoubwtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be78645515fee9f0294389e6396ae3277a5ed144 When I first came across the 1911 Red Dot OWB Holster, I must admit, I was a little skeptical. Would it be comfortable? Would it really provide the security I needed for my firearm? But after using it for a few weeks now, I can confidently say - this holster is the real deal. The most striking feature of this holster is its adjustable retention. This means you can set the tension to your personal comfort, ensuring your gun stays securely in place. The adjustable ride and cant provide maximum flexibility in carry options, allowing for a comfortable and discreet fit - something I appreciate as a gun owner who needs to blend in. Despite its numerous advantages, this holster also has a couple of drawbacks. The adjustable clip has a limited number of positions, which may be a concern for some users. Also, the protective sweat guard can sometimes cause friction against your body, which can be uncomfortable over long periods. Overall, the 1911 Red Dot OWB Holster has proven to be a reliable and comfortable option for those looking for a secure way to carry their firearm. While it may not be perfect, its adjustable features and protective sweat guard make it a worthwhile addition to any gun owner's arsenal. 🔗Customizable Kydex OWB Holster for 1911 45ACP Red Dot Optic Cuthttps://preview.redd.it/g82bf6pwtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f047142a5410f9f30f7d09c9510fcbe542ab5b57 A while back, I got my hands on a Kydex holster that's an absolute dream to wear. I've been using it daily to carry around my trusty 1911 Defender with a red dot optic cut, and boy, it's been a game-changer. Adjusting the holster's tension is like finding that perfect sweet spot where it feels like it's securely hugging your gun, but not so tight that you have to take a sledgehammer to draw it. The flexibility for adjusting ride and cant angles is just the icing on the cake. Adjusting the clip position is another one of those little details that makes a big impact - it's like having your own personalized holster. Now, let's talk about the protective sweat guard. It's a detail that's often overlooked, but it's crucial for keeping your gun and body happy in those hot summer months. The secure belt clip is the cherry on top; it ensures that you'll always get a clean draw, and your gun will stay right where it's supposed to be. But here's the caveat: this holster is specifically designed for the 1911 3.25" Defender with a red dot optic cut. It won't fit just any old Colt or Taurus—there's a certain finesse to this thing. So before you go and get it in your hands, make sure you're the right fit for it. If you are, though, you're going to fall in love with this bad boy. All in all, I've got to say that this holster has been a game-changer in my life. It's made my concealed carry experience so much more comfortable and secure. Just be sure to check your 1911's specifications before diving in—there's no point in falling for the wrong holster. 🔗Discrete 1911 4" Commander Red Dot Covert Holsterhttps://preview.redd.it/0c0v900xtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8389849691c5b6b8a7186b1f332ca1a27d456558 As a reviewer, I recently tried this 1911 Red Dot OWB Holster and was thoroughly impressed with its durability and comfort. The holster is made from Kydex, a lightweight and strong material that ensures a snug fit for the 1911 4" Commander 45ACP No Rail Only Red Dot Optic Cut. One of the standout features of this holster is its adjustable retention, which allows users to set the tension to their personal comfort. This customization ensures that the holster securely holds your firearm without causing any discomfort or strain on your belt. Additionally, the adjustable ride and cant provide maximum flexibility in carry options, making it suitable for various situations and environments. The adjustable clip, with up to 12 different positions, ensures compatibility with a range of different belts and waistlines. However, the protective sweat guard has a small learning curve to work around, as it can obstruct the draw slightly at first. Nonetheless, once you get used to it, the sweat guard minimizes contact between your firearm and your body, providing an increased level of safety and comfort during wear. The secure belt clip is another crucial aspect of this holster, ensuring clean draws each time. It holds your firearm securely, but doesn't compromise the ease of access when needed. Overall, I would highly recommend this OWB Holster for any 1911 Red Dot users looking for a dependable and comfortable carrying solution. Buyer's GuideWelcome to the Buyer's Guide for 1911 Red Dot sights. This guide will cover important features, considerations, and general advice to help you make an informed decision when purchasing a 1911 Red Dot sight. We will not list specific product picks or provide external resource links in this guide.Featureshttps://preview.redd.it/rmpdx9kxtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8993272466add51a68e7268ca64d298871a1116f Red Dot OpticRed dot optics provide a simple, user-friendly shooting experience. They allow for quick target acquisition and improved accuracy, especially in low-light conditions. Red dots are suitable for both close-range and long-range shooting and are commonly used in concealed carry and self-defense situations.1911 CompatibilityEnsure the red dot sight you choose is compatible with your 1911 pistol model. Different 1911 models have varying dimensions and mounting positions, so it is essential to select a sight that fits your specific pistol.Reticle TypesRed dot sights often come with different types of reticles. The most common are the dot reticle, dot with crosshair, and crosshair reticle. Consider your shooting preferences and the intended use for your 1911 when choosing a suitable reticle. https://preview.redd.it/aq4h27vxtx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=172c2c367d39491eb935fb4f75ef5c1fcf0dc0ee Brightness ControlAdjustable brightness control is an important feature for 1911 red dot sights, as it allows you to adjust the intensity of the red dot according to lighting conditions or personal preference. Some red dot sights have multiple brightness settings, while others have a single brightness setting or automatic brightness adjustment.Battery LifeBattery life is another crucial factor to consider. Longer battery life ensures fewer interruptions during your shooting experience. Battery consumption may vary between red dot sights, so it is worth comparing the battery life of different models.Considerationshttps://preview.redd.it/rhhd11dytx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53f5cfdffe1a66bc956c744759ed9c4df044baf7 Price1911 red dot sights come in various price ranges, so consider your budget when making a purchase. The cost of a sight may affect its build quality, features, and brand reputation. Determine your priorities and shop accordingly.DurabilityInvesting in a durable red dot sight is essential, as it will be exposed to various harsh conditions while attached to your 1911 pistol. Look for sights with strong construction and weather-resistant materials to ensure durability.Brand ReputationPurchasing a red dot sight from a reputable brand can provide peace of mind and assurance about the product's quality. Research the brand's history, customer reviews, and warranty offerings before making a decision. https://preview.redd.it/tqmrz4lytx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bdfd7097266010b7e85a7abeb43192cbb6844619 General AdviceWhen mounting a 1911 red dot sight, ensure proper co-witnessing with your iron sights. This allows you to have both a red dot and traditional sights visible, which can be beneficial in low-light conditions or when using the iron sights for backup.Practice using your 1911 red dot sight regularly. Familiarize yourself with its features and functions to make the most of your purchase. Regular training can also help you improve your shooting skills. Lastly, remember that the purpose of a red dot sight is to enhance your accuracy and improve your overall shooting experience. Choose a sight that best fits your needs, preferences, and intended use for your 1911 pistol. FAQUnderstanding 1911 Red Dot1911 Red Dots are sighting devices that are mounted on top of traditional 1911 firearms. These sights were developed to enhance accuracy and speed of target acquisition, making these firearms more effective in various shooting scenarios.Which 1911 Red Dots are recommended for beginners?For beginners, it's recommended to start with a 1911 Red Dot that offers good value for money. Some popular choices include the Holosun 507K, Trijicon MRO, and the Vortex SPARC II.What is the difference between 1911 Red Dots and other sighting systems?1911 Red Dots provide a wider field of view, which enhances target acquisition speed and allows for more accurate shots. These sights also co-witness with standard iron sights, making them suitable for a range of shooting scenarios.How do I mount a 1911 Red Dot?The process of mounting a 1911 Red Dot involves securing the sight to the firearm's slide. This can be done using either a milled or machined slide mount kit. The specific installation process can vary depending on the sight and slide configuration. It's recommended to refer to the manufacturer's guidelines or consult a professional for proper installation.What are some factors to consider when choosing a 1911 Red Dot?
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2024.06.01 12:31 Spinach_Careless Your silence and mine
I wonder if they measure up the same. Do you think of me even on the days we don’t check in with each other? I could spend hours over-intellectualising our friendship, mapping out the contexts that it exists in. Believe me when I say I see things as they truly are and then I’m often rudely interrupted by intrusive thoughts of potentials that neither of us can ever live up to. It’s a bad habit of mine and I think you must be aware of me doing it. You are smart and observant and notice so much. Please don’t be put off by it. I want you in my life and to stay as a friend of many years. I treasure your candidness and honesty. Your jokes, your lessons and your judgement - always gently measured out to just the right amount that is deserved. It probably doesn’t seem like it, but I do retain the things you’ve taught me about making better choices in life and finding the kind of self-confidence that is unshakable. I don’t want you to be scared of the depth of emotions that I feel, I just want you to accept that they are there and that a lot of the time it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Honest. I know you were looking for something lighter and more easy-going, less mentally taxing. I do wish that I anticipated that need but unfortunately I just happen to be going through a lot right now. But I hope if that’s what you still want from me that you’ll tell me, so that I have a chance to switch back a gear and be the type of friend you need right now. Since we last saw each other I’ve already seen some of my other friends and leant on them hard to process some of my stuff out loud. So please don’t worry about not having the headspace to offer that for me, I know where to find it when I need it. I won’t tell you any of this right now, because you are busy and your plate is so full up already. But one day soon I’ll reach out again and offer to revisit the more fun aspects of our friendship, if you welcome it I think we could really help each other get outside of own heads.
Until next time;
A 💕
submitted by Spinach_Careless to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
Until next time;
A 💕
2024.06.01 12:31 Delicious-Jury4182 [L][32M] Feel cursed lately
When I was a kid a teacher told my mother I would never get a job. She was right.
At the same time a bully told me I would never have a girlfriend. He was right.
More recently I've heard the average age of death for autistic people like me is 35, that my choice of hobby makes me subhuman and deserves to be miserable my whole life, and that being lonely is always ALWAYS one's own fault. What if they turn out right too?
I tend to believe every bad thing said about me so I'm always watching my own behavior like a hawk but slip up anyway. Just don't feel cut out for this world.
submitted by Delicious-Jury4182 to KindVoice [link] [comments]
At the same time a bully told me I would never have a girlfriend. He was right.
More recently I've heard the average age of death for autistic people like me is 35, that my choice of hobby makes me subhuman and deserves to be miserable my whole life, and that being lonely is always ALWAYS one's own fault. What if they turn out right too?
I tend to believe every bad thing said about me so I'm always watching my own behavior like a hawk but slip up anyway. Just don't feel cut out for this world.
2024.06.01 12:30 Secret-Tadpole7519 Boyfriend shares dog with ex
Hi i 30f have been with my boyfriend 35m for 2 years the only issue we currently have is the fact that he shares a dog with his ex. He was with his ex for 6 years lived together and had a dog together , this was about 2 years before we became an item ourselves. The relationship ended on mutual terms, but they currently share custody of their dog . I did not have an issue about this till recently as i have been patient about it , he currently takes the the dog all the time and she takes him whenever she feels like it, w hich is all fine but when she wants to take him, she asks for him at bad times and when we have plans ourselves as a couple and we have to change our plans to accommodate her , i have expressed to my boyfriend that they do need a better schedule in place so that its fair , but my main concern is in the long run if we are still together in the future will this always be the arrangement, or will one person have full time care of the dog and no contact . Just for a bit extra i was previously in a relationship of 6 years we planned to have a home together and build a life but my ex cheated on me with an ex. This completely broke me and i'm still healing. My now boyfriend is the best to me, so caring and kind and gives me the time i need we are both active and enjoy going to events together, as we both have the same interests and we both work hard at our jobs and work in similar fields. i'm just afraid the contact between him and his ex will grow again, i dont think i could go through that trauma and heartache again as i was so heartbroken . I fear our relationship will never be how i imagined I always dreamed of a relationship where its just the two of us no contact of any sort from previous partners, but i cant address this fully without sounding controlling .
submitted by Secret-Tadpole7519 to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 12:29 Alternative-Cut8673 June 1
I'm tired of playing the victim in my own damn life. So much already happened this year. I really was hoping for a better year but we're still in our flop era unfortunately. Anyway, rock bottom isn't pretty at all. I want to get out of here. I never realized it could get this bad, you know? Like these emotions aren't new to me. I got sad before. I cried before. I got anxious in the past but never to this extreme. I can only take so much at once.
Been to therapy for a couple of years now but with little progress. I love my therapist to death, don't get me wrong. It's just how my life is going really. Month after month, it's like an unending marathon. Something always comes up. Something to worry about. It's been like this for years.
"It gets better" is what ive heard and ive told myself. I kept repeating it to the point that it doesn't hold meaning anymore? Everyday is the same. Problems kept stacking up. My mind filled with thoughts i never wanted to hear. It became dark very fast. Like I became a ghost of my own life – watching it pass by from an outsider's perspective. No control. I can't work, and function like a normal person. Ive become unable to feel any satisfaction. It sucks.
People ask "how are you" then I contemplate whether to say "I'm okay" or not because then it becomes a discussion, then them trying to give me advice and tell me all the same old cliche phrases that I've heard so many times. "You're so strong"... i hate it.
So after years of raw dogging life and subsequently getting deeply depressed, I finally took the step to seek help from a psychiatrist and get medicated.
I am hopeful for this journey because god knows how much i want to be better but if this isn't the answer, i dont know what else i should do.
submitted by Alternative-Cut8673 to u/Alternative-Cut8673 [link] [comments]
Been to therapy for a couple of years now but with little progress. I love my therapist to death, don't get me wrong. It's just how my life is going really. Month after month, it's like an unending marathon. Something always comes up. Something to worry about. It's been like this for years.
"It gets better" is what ive heard and ive told myself. I kept repeating it to the point that it doesn't hold meaning anymore? Everyday is the same. Problems kept stacking up. My mind filled with thoughts i never wanted to hear. It became dark very fast. Like I became a ghost of my own life – watching it pass by from an outsider's perspective. No control. I can't work, and function like a normal person. Ive become unable to feel any satisfaction. It sucks.
People ask "how are you" then I contemplate whether to say "I'm okay" or not because then it becomes a discussion, then them trying to give me advice and tell me all the same old cliche phrases that I've heard so many times. "You're so strong"... i hate it.
So after years of raw dogging life and subsequently getting deeply depressed, I finally took the step to seek help from a psychiatrist and get medicated.
I am hopeful for this journey because god knows how much i want to be better but if this isn't the answer, i dont know what else i should do.
2024.06.01 12:28 InLawsWantMeGone My (32M) sister in law and her husband told my partner (30F) to consider breaking off our 10 year relationship. We have a meeting later today to discuss this drama. How can I navigate this uncomfortable conversation?
tldr; while my partner was visiting her sister last weekend, my sister in-law and her husband told her to break up with me. Now I don't trust them. We have a meeting today to discuss how to move forward. Help!
Background:
My (32M) partner (30F) and I met in 2011 at university. We kissed for the first time, and started a relationship in 2012. It was beautiful, so so beautiful. We were two inseparable love birds. The amazing memories from those years will last me a lifetime. In 2015 we started facing challenges in our communication. We failed to resolve them and ultimately broke up/reconciled twice between 2015 and 2018.
During the breakup we tried to live our lives, forget each other, meet other people. She even moved to another country and had a great time there. We had minimal communication while broken up: sharing only major milestones like graduation, or the random message when she got a tattoo etc. Eventually she moved back to the same country. We started talking again and agreed that we would fight to make our relationship work. We worked out our issues. Since 2018, we've been learning and growing together. We've had arguments, especially when adjusting to living together. Things are still not PERFECT but I was convinced they are good, until last weekend.....
The issue:
My GF visited her sister (35F), the husband and their 2 daughters. When she came back, she wasn't in a good mood. She started picking a fight with me about dishes, laundry and other small things. I was shocked. We didn't see each other for a weekend, and this is the hello I got. I had actually done 3 loads of laundry that weekend. I cleaned her lunch boxes and pots from the previous week that had started developing mould. The fight was very unreasonable. Ultimately she told me that she was doubting/confused about our relationship. I'm thinking: WTF!!
It's not the first time we fight after she talks to her sister. So I dug and she eventually told me that in laws wanted her to reflect on breaking up with me. It went far. They offered her a place to stay if she would need a few months to process the breakup. I became more confused the more details I learned. At family events they are always friendly. When I got the impression that they don't like me, my partner assured me that they all thought I'm a great guy. Well, it's now clear that although I'm a great guy, just not the right guy for their "little sister." I've known this woman much longer than the sister has known her husband. The arguments they made are along the lines of: I'm holding her back from her dreams, I have no direction in life, cultural differences. A suggestion was made (not sure if by my GF or them) that I may be manipulating her. As a result, I find it hard to discuss with her now because, will she just say I'm manipulating her when I share my views? According to my gf, they reiterated that I'm a nice person, just not the person for her. Part of it could be financial. I'm not close to f.e. having enough savings to purchase a house (which I know is her dream, it's mine too, I'm just not there yet).
Anyway, we're meeting later today, all four of us. I don't trust them anymore. I don't feel comfortable with my partner visiting them. I don't want to visit them either. I don't think I even want to talk to them at family events anymore. I feel angry, disgusted, humiliated, and stabbed in the back. I have so many questions. Who else did they talk to? Other siblings, the parents? How long have they been thinking this? Is my girlfriend telling me the full truth or is she protecting her family by withholding certain information? (she's done this in the past) It's a mess.
Some other context:
The truth is, if I could, I would never talk to them again, I miss nothing in my life by avoiding them. But how do I ensure that i don't push my GF from her family and create more resentment either towards me or the sister?
If you read this far, I appreciate it, and happy to hear your thoughts!
submitted by InLawsWantMeGone to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Background:
My (32M) partner (30F) and I met in 2011 at university. We kissed for the first time, and started a relationship in 2012. It was beautiful, so so beautiful. We were two inseparable love birds. The amazing memories from those years will last me a lifetime. In 2015 we started facing challenges in our communication. We failed to resolve them and ultimately broke up/reconciled twice between 2015 and 2018.
During the breakup we tried to live our lives, forget each other, meet other people. She even moved to another country and had a great time there. We had minimal communication while broken up: sharing only major milestones like graduation, or the random message when she got a tattoo etc. Eventually she moved back to the same country. We started talking again and agreed that we would fight to make our relationship work. We worked out our issues. Since 2018, we've been learning and growing together. We've had arguments, especially when adjusting to living together. Things are still not PERFECT but I was convinced they are good, until last weekend.....
The issue:
My GF visited her sister (35F), the husband and their 2 daughters. When she came back, she wasn't in a good mood. She started picking a fight with me about dishes, laundry and other small things. I was shocked. We didn't see each other for a weekend, and this is the hello I got. I had actually done 3 loads of laundry that weekend. I cleaned her lunch boxes and pots from the previous week that had started developing mould. The fight was very unreasonable. Ultimately she told me that she was doubting/confused about our relationship. I'm thinking: WTF!!
It's not the first time we fight after she talks to her sister. So I dug and she eventually told me that in laws wanted her to reflect on breaking up with me. It went far. They offered her a place to stay if she would need a few months to process the breakup. I became more confused the more details I learned. At family events they are always friendly. When I got the impression that they don't like me, my partner assured me that they all thought I'm a great guy. Well, it's now clear that although I'm a great guy, just not the right guy for their "little sister." I've known this woman much longer than the sister has known her husband. The arguments they made are along the lines of: I'm holding her back from her dreams, I have no direction in life, cultural differences. A suggestion was made (not sure if by my GF or them) that I may be manipulating her. As a result, I find it hard to discuss with her now because, will she just say I'm manipulating her when I share my views? According to my gf, they reiterated that I'm a nice person, just not the person for her. Part of it could be financial. I'm not close to f.e. having enough savings to purchase a house (which I know is her dream, it's mine too, I'm just not there yet).
Anyway, we're meeting later today, all four of us. I don't trust them anymore. I don't feel comfortable with my partner visiting them. I don't want to visit them either. I don't think I even want to talk to them at family events anymore. I feel angry, disgusted, humiliated, and stabbed in the back. I have so many questions. Who else did they talk to? Other siblings, the parents? How long have they been thinking this? Is my girlfriend telling me the full truth or is she protecting her family by withholding certain information? (she's done this in the past) It's a mess.
Some other context:
- My partner has been feeling low energy for a while and recently shared with her sister that she sometimes has suicidal thoughts.
- My partner and all her family are white, EU. I am black, non-EU.
- Their native language is my FIFTH language. I speak relatively well, although I am uncomfortable in a family context with fast-paced group conversations. I am usually quiet during family gatherings unless I have a 1-1 conversation.
- I am currently not working, I'm receiving unemployment benefits which isn't much money but enough to cover my basic expenses. GF is doing quite well financially.
- I'm not actively looking for a job but rather completing a 7 month, full-time data science bootcamp, accredited by government, working on real use cases with real companies, career coaching etc so I'm confident in securing a job in the coming months when the training is complete.
- GFs sister recently had kids and has shared her desire for GF to start having kids too so their kids can grow up together (I want to wait with kids until I secure a job after my training and have a better financial circumstances)
- When we got back together after 2018, we decided to move in together and I applied for a family reunion through my gf (better possibilities for me in terms of access to the job market). I live in EU for 18 years but have no nationality.
- My partner says that she's 99% sure about us (i can live with the 1% doubt lol)
- Partner is willing to go low contact with sister but I feel bad because she loves her nieces and actually 3 weeks ago, her and her sister had a heart to heart where they both cried and reaffirmed their sibling love for each other
- we are having a call to discuss how to move forward with our relationship, all four of us.
The truth is, if I could, I would never talk to them again, I miss nothing in my life by avoiding them. But how do I ensure that i don't push my GF from her family and create more resentment either towards me or the sister?
If you read this far, I appreciate it, and happy to hear your thoughts!
2024.06.01 12:28 DXDoug Gnomoria Modr/playr now sos player. Dev much love post/ first questions of game.
 | https://preview.redd.it/ma7s5mbysx3d1.png?width=3760&format=png&auto=webp&s=c8e2afc800fa161409885dcb4c3b495420642c61 submitted by DXDoug to songsofsyx [link] [comments] Hi all Gnomoria i have been modding since last year 2023 since it hasn't had any updates content wise since 2017-2018. So y'all know what I'm coming from. but ya i kinda dont get into dwarf fortress really rather play gnomoria honestly. I did like RimWorld and making it into a medieval game etc / fantasy. but yeah sos hits that itch soooo bad in all the good ways im literally star struck. Anywho though about Songs of Syx. When i first saw it which was maybe 2 months ago for first time. And read description and review or 2 was interested on how this game might play like. And its great in all areas. At first ya your just this small gang trying get to that laboratory so can start doing tech research. So now my little village is growing. And tech learning. About get the coal and metal ore building reaarched. And get them metal bars. But anyway so first .66 version im going great right now. Almost at next pop upgrade, i made my own map also and question is there always like 80% of world taken by the elf like population faction. Or did i just put too many trees and not enough non wooded mountain or lake land? check PIC OF MAP Either way thank you dev im loving the small to big village the little details can see like guy washing or working dragging animal corpse. I haven't even seen combat yet. So ya probably more praise for numerous more things. Thank you dev. And how are the mods on this game,? i havent looked yet at the steam workshop mods. But ya lmk if map has too much woods or something or if elf nations holding 75% or so of world map normal. And any comments on my world map that could make it better. i like the water being on outside of map though. makes it more feel like a round world even if cant go from on end of map to other |
2024.06.01 12:24 okcool19 How would you feel to get a message from an ex after 10 years?
I want to send a message to an ex after 10 years. How would you feel to get one after that amount of time?
I am a female in my earlier thirties and dated this person for maybe a year in my early 20s. We were so young, dumb, crazy and happy. I felt very loved, cared for and seen in a way I was too immature to appreciate. At that age we had chemistry and couldn't keep our hand off each other. He wanted to build a future with me and was in a rush but I wasn't. I wanted to enjoy the last of my youth before growing up and adulting. I felt we really connected on our aspirations and world view and I would have happily continued to date him, I was crazy about him.
However as mentioned he was in a hurry in a way I didn't understand. He had a lot more family, social and financial responsibilities and wanted to start building his life. I was still living at home while he was working multiple jobs to support himself while trying to appease his parents who were encouraging him to marry and settle down. He was a great boyfriend in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally, kind, caring, funny, smart. He did ask me to take steps with him to further our relationship eg moving out together but I just wasn't ready. People always tell you that you have so much time when you are young to figure things out, but when you get older you realize how special it is when you do actually connect with someone deeply.
So he eventually withdrew and I had that feeling something was off. Things fully ended after a wild weekend away where he was with someone else. At the end he also expressed how he no longer felt like he could be who he wanted to be in our relationship and how he had tried to wait for me but I hadn't reciprocated or taken any steps to further our relationship. We had different levels of ambition. He had a job opportunity in another city, moved and I never saw him again. I didn't take any of this well and was very emotional. I asked him to reconsider but he had to go. He wanted to keep in touch and that was a big NO from me.
Well I never heard from him again which was truly unbelievable to me after how he had pursued me and how I thought we felt about each other. So much so I doubted if our relationship was even real or maybe or if i had been had my a narcissist. When I finally picked up jaw up from off the floor, my ego decided I wouldn't reach out either. I am sure I was dramatic during this time as well. I am sure I would have blocked him, changed my number and cursed him out
As far as I know he moved on pretty quick to someone else and that was that.
And then out of nowhere a couple years later he sent me a well wishing short message and said I was he best he ever had. But again, as much as that was a compliment to me I just couldn't take it as face value.
As you can imagine that ripped my heart right out of my chest and I never replied. I told a mutual friend to tell him to pound salt.
Well, him leaving was probably the best thing he ever did for me because I wasn't able to be what he needed. As time has unfolded I realize just how much his presence taught me about life and myself. I am sure we both moved on.
I came across an old message from him recently I felt the desire to send him a message. I am not unhappy in my life and I don't want to reconcile. I have had a partner for many years I am happy with.
I don't want anything from him, I am not after a reply and I don't want to reconnect. After ending on such a bad note where I told him how shitty he was, I just simply wished he knew how powerful his presence was in my life during that time, some of the things/concepts he introduced me to still remain with me today. He touched my life deeply for the better and how thankful I am for things I learned out of that, and I hope he is somewhere out there living his best life.
Maybe this is for me and my story more than it is for him. Should I write the message and never send it?
How would you feel to get a message like this years later?
submitted by okcool19 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I am a female in my earlier thirties and dated this person for maybe a year in my early 20s. We were so young, dumb, crazy and happy. I felt very loved, cared for and seen in a way I was too immature to appreciate. At that age we had chemistry and couldn't keep our hand off each other. He wanted to build a future with me and was in a rush but I wasn't. I wanted to enjoy the last of my youth before growing up and adulting. I felt we really connected on our aspirations and world view and I would have happily continued to date him, I was crazy about him.
However as mentioned he was in a hurry in a way I didn't understand. He had a lot more family, social and financial responsibilities and wanted to start building his life. I was still living at home while he was working multiple jobs to support himself while trying to appease his parents who were encouraging him to marry and settle down. He was a great boyfriend in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally, kind, caring, funny, smart. He did ask me to take steps with him to further our relationship eg moving out together but I just wasn't ready. People always tell you that you have so much time when you are young to figure things out, but when you get older you realize how special it is when you do actually connect with someone deeply.
So he eventually withdrew and I had that feeling something was off. Things fully ended after a wild weekend away where he was with someone else. At the end he also expressed how he no longer felt like he could be who he wanted to be in our relationship and how he had tried to wait for me but I hadn't reciprocated or taken any steps to further our relationship. We had different levels of ambition. He had a job opportunity in another city, moved and I never saw him again. I didn't take any of this well and was very emotional. I asked him to reconsider but he had to go. He wanted to keep in touch and that was a big NO from me.
Well I never heard from him again which was truly unbelievable to me after how he had pursued me and how I thought we felt about each other. So much so I doubted if our relationship was even real or maybe or if i had been had my a narcissist. When I finally picked up jaw up from off the floor, my ego decided I wouldn't reach out either. I am sure I was dramatic during this time as well. I am sure I would have blocked him, changed my number and cursed him out
As far as I know he moved on pretty quick to someone else and that was that.
And then out of nowhere a couple years later he sent me a well wishing short message and said I was he best he ever had. But again, as much as that was a compliment to me I just couldn't take it as face value.
As you can imagine that ripped my heart right out of my chest and I never replied. I told a mutual friend to tell him to pound salt.
Well, him leaving was probably the best thing he ever did for me because I wasn't able to be what he needed. As time has unfolded I realize just how much his presence taught me about life and myself. I am sure we both moved on.
I came across an old message from him recently I felt the desire to send him a message. I am not unhappy in my life and I don't want to reconcile. I have had a partner for many years I am happy with.
I don't want anything from him, I am not after a reply and I don't want to reconnect. After ending on such a bad note where I told him how shitty he was, I just simply wished he knew how powerful his presence was in my life during that time, some of the things/concepts he introduced me to still remain with me today. He touched my life deeply for the better and how thankful I am for things I learned out of that, and I hope he is somewhere out there living his best life.
Maybe this is for me and my story more than it is for him. Should I write the message and never send it?
How would you feel to get a message like this years later?
2024.06.01 12:23 Totallynotarob0 Is everything really going to all hell?
I’m currently studying animation since I realized a while back ago that I honestly feel incapable of seeing myself doing anything else except some form of working in the industry. I’ve been animating since I was 10 and always idealized it but never thought it was going to be easy but I was willing to put in the work, even buying my own graphic tablet at 13 (I sold a lot of comic books). A lot of my close friends are in the arts, and I hear how hard those industries are, acting, writing, and forget being a studio arts major. I’ve followed a lot of animators in the industry and have had a couple follow me back and I asked some of them basic questions about how the industry is etc etc. Some were positive but a lot of them were more jaded responses and this is predating Covid (though it didn’t ward me off any and was nice to hear the “bad parts” of the job/industry).
But nowadays it seems like every single person I follow, even people who have 15+ years experience under their belt seem to be struggling to find reliable work. Networks cancel shows after one season and with the rise of A.I. which is all anyone talks about anymore-usually in a joking manner but it doesn’t seem to be so funny anymore. I don’t think A.I. would replace animation entirely obviously but it does make me nervous for what jobs are going to be on the cutting block. In a lot of art circles and even on this subreddit it seems like everyone’s in a panic. Harsh realities I know, but even if I wasn’t to work in animation or film or visual arts at all I’d be terrified for what’s to come, art is so little respected as it is. I’m not anticipating switching majors or anything but it’s making me think of at least think up a good minor maybe? Hah I don’t know! I’m honestly just trying to gauge how really nervous students especially should be at this moment and maybe if it’s even a great idea right now to try and I guess make a living in animation. I know there’s been periods of hardships and corporate America is very unforgiving (not sure about other countries) but I gotta say I’m starting to feel like all ‘tech’ fields are suffering a bit out here especially-someone who considered computer science for a time
submitted by Totallynotarob0 to animationcareer [link] [comments]
But nowadays it seems like every single person I follow, even people who have 15+ years experience under their belt seem to be struggling to find reliable work. Networks cancel shows after one season and with the rise of A.I. which is all anyone talks about anymore-usually in a joking manner but it doesn’t seem to be so funny anymore. I don’t think A.I. would replace animation entirely obviously but it does make me nervous for what jobs are going to be on the cutting block. In a lot of art circles and even on this subreddit it seems like everyone’s in a panic. Harsh realities I know, but even if I wasn’t to work in animation or film or visual arts at all I’d be terrified for what’s to come, art is so little respected as it is. I’m not anticipating switching majors or anything but it’s making me think of at least think up a good minor maybe? Hah I don’t know! I’m honestly just trying to gauge how really nervous students especially should be at this moment and maybe if it’s even a great idea right now to try and I guess make a living in animation. I know there’s been periods of hardships and corporate America is very unforgiving (not sure about other countries) but I gotta say I’m starting to feel like all ‘tech’ fields are suffering a bit out here especially-someone who considered computer science for a time
2024.06.01 12:22 West_Connection367 How to sleep when my boyfriend snores?
First and foremost, I should explain I am a terrible sleeper to begin with. I am easily awoken by all sounds, light, etc. I had a really bad bout of insomnia for several months at one point and was put on Ambien, but I did not like some of the side effects and I would really like to avoid going back to that. At some point my ex-husband and I started sleeping in different rooms because just him coming to bed would wake me up. This brings me to my first point: I must have my white noise machine on, as it helps block out other small noises (ie my cats, people walking by outside, and so on).
Now, my white noise machine is small and fairly portable. I have friends who snore pretty bad but when I go on vacation with them I take these super soft ear buds that plug into the machine, and I just sleep with it in the bed. It's not the best sleep, as it may sometimes hurt my ear and whenever I need to roll over I physically wake up to do so and have to move the machine to the opposite side of the pillow. But it does well for just a handful of nights of kinda bleh sleep vs no sleep at all.
As for my current situation: my now boyfriend snores, and fairly badly if he is on his back. Some nights I can just prod him and ask him to roll over and he will, and we can just go back to sleep. He falls back asleep immediately and I take a while. But some nights he very quickly ends up on his back again. According to him, this is his favorite position to sleep in.
I do sleep with the white noise when he is there, he is cool with it. However, like I said it only blocks out small noises and not loud snoring. Sleeping with the ear buds in every night is not feasible due to above mentioned reasons. I also don't like having to ask him to roll over all the time because it's not fair to him either.
For the record, I can't sleep with music or the TV on, nor can I do earplugs (I end up keeping myself awake because I can hear my own breathing too loud.) Melatonin does nothing for me (there were several nights even the ambien didn't work when I was on it,) let alone over the counter sleeping pills (even on nyquil when I'm sick I might only get 2 or 3 hours on a crappy night). I don't sleep well on the couch and only go out there on the worst nights, and he says he always feels sad when he wakes up and realizes he was keeping me up enough to move to the couch. I do not have an extra room. We currently don't live together technically but the reality is he is here 5-6 nights a week, and on occasion I stay at his place too. On the nights where we are each are at our respective homes, I feel lonely that he isn't there (and he agreed that he feels the same).
I am at a loss as what to do, I have been up all night and finally coming to reddit out of desperation. Is there something else I can try that I haven't listed above?
Side note: I know I have anxiety, and that can keep me up. The anxiety itself only gets bad when I am alone, and my brain spirals.
submitted by West_Connection367 to Advice [link] [comments]
Now, my white noise machine is small and fairly portable. I have friends who snore pretty bad but when I go on vacation with them I take these super soft ear buds that plug into the machine, and I just sleep with it in the bed. It's not the best sleep, as it may sometimes hurt my ear and whenever I need to roll over I physically wake up to do so and have to move the machine to the opposite side of the pillow. But it does well for just a handful of nights of kinda bleh sleep vs no sleep at all.
As for my current situation: my now boyfriend snores, and fairly badly if he is on his back. Some nights I can just prod him and ask him to roll over and he will, and we can just go back to sleep. He falls back asleep immediately and I take a while. But some nights he very quickly ends up on his back again. According to him, this is his favorite position to sleep in.
I do sleep with the white noise when he is there, he is cool with it. However, like I said it only blocks out small noises and not loud snoring. Sleeping with the ear buds in every night is not feasible due to above mentioned reasons. I also don't like having to ask him to roll over all the time because it's not fair to him either.
For the record, I can't sleep with music or the TV on, nor can I do earplugs (I end up keeping myself awake because I can hear my own breathing too loud.) Melatonin does nothing for me (there were several nights even the ambien didn't work when I was on it,) let alone over the counter sleeping pills (even on nyquil when I'm sick I might only get 2 or 3 hours on a crappy night). I don't sleep well on the couch and only go out there on the worst nights, and he says he always feels sad when he wakes up and realizes he was keeping me up enough to move to the couch. I do not have an extra room. We currently don't live together technically but the reality is he is here 5-6 nights a week, and on occasion I stay at his place too. On the nights where we are each are at our respective homes, I feel lonely that he isn't there (and he agreed that he feels the same).
I am at a loss as what to do, I have been up all night and finally coming to reddit out of desperation. Is there something else I can try that I haven't listed above?
Side note: I know I have anxiety, and that can keep me up. The anxiety itself only gets bad when I am alone, and my brain spirals.