Let's play a game, you and I.
Find a mirror and stand in front of it; naked, if it's all the same to you. Before you protest, humor me a little. Look at your body - examine it, really get in there with those beady little eyes of yours - and then, when you've gotten past the absurdity of staring at your nude reflection, count all the bones you think you can see.
If you reached the high double-digits, congratulations! You should probably eat more. A lack of food is unhealthy.
But, let's say you're on a diet. I was, once. Before everything went to shit, I was a fat fuck stowed away in the back of someone else's house, glued to their computer, scouring social media and getting angry over the pruned, fabricated, perfect lives everyone else seemed to have. I was angry - so angry that I decided that I wanted to do something about it, so - maybe like you - I went on a diet. My goal? Get thin, get control of my life, wrest it away from the clutches of impending doom, make something of my time on this planet, maybe find a purpose.
Life, however, is funny - or cruel, depending on how full your glass is. Whenever I tried dieting, something always happened to get in the way. My favorite haunt started having trivia nights - unlimited nachos. Jake, a good friend of mine, had a punch card for discounts on sub sandwiches. I once got a piece of mail that told me I won a lifetime supply of corn chips (a scam, thankfully). I started to think that life had it out for me.
Little did I know, life had it out for everyone.
We lost electricity first. As the heat waves picked up, our access to cool air was cut short. Humankind started dropping like flies, by the thousands and even more in the deserts. Some of us were able to adapt before things got too bad, but when the water started to disappear, sweating was akin to suffering.
When we reached a fever pitch in our panic, we got creative. We started breaching bunkers, ripping the rich out of their hovels and taking everything they had. Some were so desperate that they took the slogan "eat the rich" to where you're probably thinking they did. Magic trick time. Were you thinking cannibalism? What a freak.
Not you; them. They did take it literally.
Food got scarce. Starvation and dehydration set in. We lost communication with people in distant places and it felt like everything was truly coming to an end.
Do you like anecdotes?
One time, I was on scavenging duty with a friend of mine. Not Jake, unfortunately - he died two days into the apocalypse after getting hit by a bus - but this guy? He was alright. Anyway, we found a small mom-and-pop shop on a street corner. The face of the shop was dusty and beige, couldn't see through the windows but, somehow, it was untouched, or so we thought. When we broke the windows and slipped inside, the shelves were almost all empty.
My friend found a wrapped Twinkie and showed it to me. "Hey, look," he said, "found you a little treat, skinny."
When I tell you this Twinkie looked like a piece of shit only the Toxic Avenger would push out of his ass, I mean it. Heavily discolored, easily broken apart, and the only thing separating me from an impossibly complex stench of decay was this razor-thin wrapper. It must've sat in the heat for ages, horrendously warping from one of America's most beloved snack cakes into a gangrenous mockery of what could pass as food.
"Nah," I said, putting on a fake smile, "I'm on a diet."
It was a joke. It was supposed to be a joke, but like I said - life is funny.
Our heads both turned when we heard a loud thud across the room. Of course, we were shaken, didn't know what to expect, so we approached it cautiously, guns drawn, and when we had sight of the cause, we were stunned. Sitting on the floor on its side was a massive can of ranch beans. It must've weighed close to five or six pounds. Even crazier and more confusing? It was room temp, like it just appeared out of thin air, untouched by the heat.
I tested something a few days later. We were running out of bottled water. Somebody made a joke about drinking piss - not to me, just to another person, but I responded that I was on a diet. Fifteen minutes later, we had a group come back from scavenging with the widest smiles, dragging a full pallet of water bottles stacked six feet high on a pallet jack.
I started doing it more surreptitiously, any time that we needed to eat or drink something, and I learned that there were rules. For example, saying it multiple times in a row didn't do anything, the gift was singular. The number of people around me or the loudness of the statement didn't matter - the gifts were random in quantity. Abuse it, and the gift would come rotten or with some other risk.
Once I had a grasp on it, we lived well, at least for a time. When the radiation storms started to sweep through, a lot of people started getting sick, including me, and there was no gift for saying I was feeling ill. It was all so sudden and severe, and it took me before almost anyone else. Real bummer, if you ask me, because I never got to learn what happened to the rest of my group. Part of me hopes they made it out of that place and found a way to survive. If you happen to find them, tell them I said hello.
57, by the way. I counted 57 bones when I looked. Just thought you should know.
Original prompt by u/MaliciousOnions. You can (probably) find this and more on StoriesInTheStatic.

By Jacob Crosse
This past weekend, the “People’s Conference for Palestine” was held in Detroit, Michigan over three days, from May 24 through May 26. Organizers for the event stated that over 3,500 people attended.
The steering committee for the conference included 15 organizations, among which were the Palestinian Youth Movement, National Students for Justice In Palestine, the ANSWER Coalition (associated with the Party for Socialism and Liberation), Arab Resource and Organizing Society (AROC), Writers Against the War on Gaza, and Healthcare Workers for Palestine.
Despite the peaceful character of the event, police were a constant presence on the streets and outside the convention center. Several Palestinian speakers slated to appear at the event were delayed or were not able to attend in person, due to fascistic restrictions imposed on their travel by the US/NATO governments.
The stated goal of the conference, according to a program signed by the Steering Committee, was to provide “a space to assess, strategize and prepare for what is required for us in the next phase of the struggle.” However, the political perspective that dominated did not present a viable way forward.
Several panels did feature harrowing testimony of the situation in Gaza. In a recorded video message, Hind Khoudary, a journalist in Gaza who has been displaced since November 2023 said, “We are not only fearing air strikes, we are fearing famine.” She documented the catastrophic situation produced by Israel’s bombardment and the difficulties confronting journalists, who have themselves been targeted by airstrikes.
In a session titled, “Cutting Ties with Zionism in the Workplace,” former Google worker Ariel Koren discussed her experience trying to fight back against the implementation of Project Nimbus, a $1.2 billion contract between Google, Amazon and the Israel Defense Forces that provides the military a suite of computer and artificial intelligence tools used to facilitate the oppression and extermination of the Palestinian people.
Koren explained that as part of the contract, Google is required to build “whatever cloud tools and AI tools the Israeli government and military ask for without asking any questions themselves. Google has no right to regulate or oversee or even know anything about how these get used on the ground and which government and military agencies are the beneficiaries of these tools.” Among the tools provided to the IDF are “facial detection, automatic image categorization, object tracking, and even sentiment analysis.”
Taghreed Ahmed, a member of the Palestinian Transport Union, explained that “Israel controls the conditions of workers” and that “over 9,000” workers were taken prisoner by Israel following October 7. While in Israeli custody, many workers were tortured and “over 80” are still missing.
Despite the IDF offensive on Gaza, Ahmed said that after workers were released they asked to return to the city to be with their families.
Before October 7, Ahmed said that over 32,000 workers in Gaza were granted permits to work in Israel, but not a single permit has been granted in over seven months. In order to survive, Ahmed said many working class families have resorted to selling their possessions, including furniture.

A political orientation to the Democratic Party

Despite the objective and empirical testimony provided by many of the panelists and speakers, the basic political perspective that emerged was thoroughly bankrupt: that of pressuring the Democratic Party.
The opening plenary event set the framework for the conference that followed. References to the crimes of the Israeli regime were combined with a great deal of chanting and slogans.
To the extent that anything was said about the background of the genocide, it was only in relation to the history of the Palestinian struggle. But even here, there was no examination of the essential experiences of this history, including the role of the bourgeois nationalist states in the Middle East in facilitating the repression of the Palestinians by Israel and imperialism.
In her keynote speech, Yara Shoufani of the Palestinian Youth Movement spoke of “historic revolutions” from “the Great Arab Revolution of 1936” … to “the popular revolution launched in the camps of Lebanon and Jordan”… to “the first and second intifadas.” Another speaker suggested that the “resistance” would last another “100 years” before victory.
To be blunt, the people in Gaza do not have another 100 years. The genocide in Gaza has already led to the deaths of over 36,000 people officially, a significant under-count, while hundreds of thousands are on the brink of famine.
Neither in the introduction nor in any of the panels and plenary sessions was there a single reference to the broader war of which the genocide is a part. In particular, no speakers addressed the escalating US-NATO war against Russia over Ukraine, backed by the Democratic Party, which threatens to develop into a nuclear exchange.
Israel’s genocide, supported by the US and NATO imperialist powers, cannot be defeated by the resistance of the Palestinian people alone, no matter how self-sacrificing. It is necessary to mobilize the international working class, which has the social and economic power to oppose imperialism.
The political perspective presented at the conference, however, worked against this. On Saturday, the conference organizers welcomed a “guest appearance” by Michigan Democratic Rep. Rashida Tlaib.
In his last social media post before he was assassinated by the US-backed Israel Defense Forces last December, Prof. Refaat Alareer, tweeted, “The Democratic Party and Biden are responsible for the Gaza genocide perpetrated by Israel.” Why a member of the party responsible for not only backing Israel for decades, but murdering Alareer and tens of thousands of other Palestinians, would be welcomed into the conference was never explained.
In her brief comments, Tlaib attacked Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, calling him a “war criminal.” She refused to apply the same label to Netanyahu’s patron and top weapons supplier, President Joe Biden. Instead she appealed to the president she helped elect in 2020, imploring him: “I hope you hear us loud and clear.”
Tlaib did not attempt to provide an explanation as to why the Biden administration and her “colleagues” in the Democratic Party have not only refused to listen to over eight months of sustained peaceful protests, but instead have overseen the police repression of the protests.
Tlaib said it was “shameful” that her “colleagues” voted to send “$14 billion to the apartheid regime,” while “seniors” in her district ask her, “When are we going to get an increase in Social Security?”
While Tlaib and a few other Democrats voted against providing military funding to Israel, she said nothing about her “yes” vote in the same $95 billion package to send over $61 billion to the fascistic Ukrainian government in order to continue the proxy war against Russia.
The deliberate omission of Ukraine on the part of Tlaib and the conference organizers was not a mistake. By presenting the genocide in Gaza, which is one front in the US/NATO global re-division of the world that includes Ukraine and the conflict with Iran and China, as an isolated episode, the organizers and participants could present different factions of the capitalist ruling class, and their adjuncts in the trade union bureaucracy, as “allies” to the Palestinian people, and to the “revolution.”

PSL backs “Uncommitted” trap

Joining Tlaib at the conference was her sister, Layla Elabed, who, alongside Party for Socialism and Liberation co-founder and ANSWER National Coordinator Brian Becker, led the penultimate plenary on Sunday, titled “Uncommitted Votes and the Fracturing of the Two Party System.”
As the WSWS has previously explained, the purpose of the Uncommitted campaign is to promote the illusion that the Democratic Party and Biden can be “pressured” from below via symbolic votes or empty ceasefire resolutions. Organizers for the Uncommitted campaign, including Elabed, who told the New York Times in February that she “has not ruled out” voting for Biden in November, have been clear that the purpose of “uncommitted” is not to “Abandon Biden” or the Democratic Party, but to “push” him to adopt their position.
Despite tens of thousands of people voting “uncommitted,” the Biden administration, with the support of both the Democrats and Republicans, continues to send weapons to Israel which are being used to ethnically cleanse Rafah. This did not prevent Elabed from presenting the campaign as a success. Speaking next to Becker, she said it sent “a clear message to Biden and the Democratic Party.”
Elabed said, “This is our way of telling Joe Biden he is being held accountable. That he needs to do, in order to save...if he really believed in saving his re-election, if he really believed in fighting fascism, if he believed in fighting for democracy, then he should be pro-Palestinian. He should be demanding a ceasefire now.”
Elabed cautioned against breaking with the Democratic Party, “before November we have a number of primaries happening, state house elections and congressional and senate seats. We need to protect our ceasefire candidates, if anything you come out and you vote and you send people like Rashida and [Missouri Rep.] Cori Bush and our pro-peace anti-war folks back to Capitol Hill and back in our state house.”
Lending support to Elabed and the Democratic Party’s electoral campaigns, Becker replied, “I want to shout out the Listen to Michigan campaign, and the Uncommitted campaign because given the available options, which are so limited in this tortured form of democracy, these women the other organizers have used the electoral arena to register something that Biden couldn’t ignore, which is the majority of the base of the Democratic Party in particular says ‘no’ to his policy in Palestine.”
Working in tandem with the Democrats to divert energy towards protest stunts, and away from building an independent movement in the working class, Becker later revealed that the same forces behind the Palestine Conference will be organizing a June 8 demonstration at the White House.

The promotion of the UAW apparatus

Several panels at the Palestine Conference featured the words “labor” and “Zionism” without ever critically examining the role of the US-based trade unions in supporting US imperialism and Israel’s genocide. There was no discussion on current UAW president Shawn Fain’s endorsement of “Genocide Joe.”
The conference featured various “reform” union factions, including Unite All Workers for Democracy (UAWD), and several current and retired union bureaucrats, including UAW Local 4811 president Rafael Jaime and former president and bargain chair of UAW Local 909 in Detroit, Frank Hammer.
UAW Local 4811 comprises 48,000 graduate student workers and researchers in the University of California. Pressure from the rank-and-file compelled the UAW to initiate a strike, but the apparatus has sought to limit it to a handful of campuses, employing the “stand-up strike” tactic used to shut down the auto strike last year. It has also done nothing to inform autoworkers and other members of the union outside California about this highly significant political strike against the genocide in Gaza
Speaking in a panel, “The Role of Labor Unions in Palestinian Struggle,” Jaime tried to take credit for “organizing” the union in order to put it into a position to strike.
The chasm between workers’ desire to fight and the union bureaucrats’ reticence was present throughout Jaime’s comments. After joining what would become Local 4811 in 2016, Jaime admitted that even by 2018 “most workers didn’t even realize they had a union. And so, what we were able to win in 2018 was very limited.” Turning to the current struggle, Jaime said,

I think that the media will focus mostly on the strike and make it seem like all you have to do is press a button and it happens. And I just want it to be, very emphasized, that the work that’s taken to organize, to be able to actually respond to the moment with this kind of action, it’s been years of tireless work.

Near the end of his presentation, Jaime listed the various circumstances through which the union was prepared to call off the strike: “If the university doesn’t resolve its [Unfair Labor Practices], if it doesn’t guarantee the right to peacefully protest, allow protesters to speak up for justice in Palestine, then more campuses are going to go out on strike.”
Throughout his entire presentation Jaime never once mentioned that UAW President Shawn Fain endorsed Biden and stood by as UAW members protesting the genocide were dragged out of the convention where this nomination was announced.

The way forward

The perspective advanced at the “People’s Conference for Palestine,” in which ANSWER and the PSL play a dominant role, is a dead-end. It is not through appeals to the political establishment and the trade union apparatus that the fight against the genocide must be developed, but through a political struggle in the working class.
For nearly eight months, millions of people around the world have taken to the streets, campuses and government centers to demand an end to the genocide. Despite the overwhelmingly peaceful character of the protests, thousands have been arrested and assaulted by police.
Young people and workers opposed to the genocide, outraged by the daily atrocities, sickened by the support for Israel’s actions by the Biden administration and the imperialist powers, confront serious political questions that require serious and revolutionary answers.
The perspective of “pressuring” governments and corporations to adopt more humanitarian policies has proven to be less than useless. At the same time, the trade union apparatus, integrated into the state, is working to suppress the class struggle and subordinate workers to the ruling class policy of global war.
As WSWS International Editorial Board Chairman David North explained in a lecture in March on the suicide of Aaron Bushnell, the basic and urgent task is to mobilize “the only social force which actually has in its power, in its objective role in the whole process of capitalist production, in its position in the forces of production, its potential economic strength, its global character, the ability to bring capitalism to its knees, to destroy the very foundations of militarism.”
The political program upon which the struggles of the working class must develop is the program of socialist revolution.

It is time, once again, for the napping of fics! Thanks to u/Ben_Elohim_2020 for writing The Nature of Family and all of its related works! I will try to remember to update this header with a link to whoever ficnapped me, but I do believe our group is the first to post, so I can't do that right now.
Shoutout to u/oobanooba- for organizing this event once again. He and u/TriBiscuit also helped with proofreading.
So, without further delay, here we go!
CW: Many violence
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Memory transcription subject: The Du Slent, Venlil Owner of Duskwall Street Repair and For[ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ER]
Date [standardized human time]: October 13th, 2136
Ratchet.
Ratchet.
Ratchet.
One, two, three, and 5/37ths of a turn…and snug. Ah. No. Manufacturing error. 6/37ths is more apt. Wait. Too much. 6/74ths? Bah. Worthless nut. To the other rejects with you.
I untwisted the nut from the bolt, carried it over to the other workbench, and carefully slid the drawer open. Hearing the slightest rattling, I slowed my efforts. It took roughly [3 minutes and 34.72 seconds] to fully open without disturbing the contents. Housed within, there were 638 perfectly organized nuts that were deemed inadequate. I absolutely despised every single one of them, but I dared not throw them away. Nuts were nuts after all. Even trash had its uses.
I marked down the extent of my current defect on my spreadsheet, then placed it perfectly in line with the others. It was important to keep them in order, so I could track them.
639 rejects. Won’t be long before I’ll need to clear the drawer. Now that is an ordeal…
Ding!
The ringing of the front counter bell only served to grow my ire. My paw gripped the ratchet tightly. That incessant ringing…to have a customer arrive at such a trying time…
I raised the ratchet above my head, compelled to smash it right through the drawers, to reduce it all to nothing, to TEAR THE ENTIRE WORKSHOP-!
Ding!
I stopped. The ringer was still waiting, and, unfortunately, I had a business to run.
Sighing, I lowered my weapon ratchet and slowly began to close the drawer, making sure that no nuts rolled or slid out of place. The front bell rang a few more times, but I ignored it. With a light, yet satisfying click, it was done, and I made my way out to the lobby.
Passing between the workshop and the office, I was struck with another loathsome scene. The silver-suited scum was leaning over the front counter, peering behind for whatever it believed it might find, invading my space.
Has it any regard for decency, to enter my shop and spy behind my counter? Does this vermin know a thing about boundaries? It just walks in and starts its frivolous… SEARCHING. THERE IS NOTHING HERE FOR YOU, AND YET HERE YOU ARE.
I gripped the ratchet in my paws.
No. Calm. Can’t go back.
Slowly, I relented, letting the tool rest comfortably in my palm again. The exterminator looked up from its snooping, seemingly startled by my presence, as though it were caught smuggling a loaf of fresh strayu away from the kitchen. Quickly, it picked itself up and made itself look as presentable as it could.
It was still ugly.
“Ahem, Greetings, sir! I'm with the Twilight Valley Exterminators Guild. Would your name happen to be Slent?”
“That is what I am called, yes,” I replied. “I apologize for the wait. Can I help you?”
I knew, of course, that I could not. There was nothing in my possession, physical or otherwise, that this exterminator would benefit from. But, still, the trash was determined to waste its own time, as well as my own.
“I’m here to investigate predatory activity, primarily the, er, dubious happenings surrounding the Human refugees in the area. Nearby sources claim that a certain group of Humans came to this shop, a group with matching black pelts. Is that correct?”
The Humans had been here, yes, and it was bothersome for this very reason. I’d moved to Twilight Valley…no…this district specifically to avoid the watchful, prying eyes of the guild, yet here was an officer at my desk…in my store…asking worthless QUESTIONS.
“There were some Humans,” I replied through gritted teeth. “They had matching attire.”
“I see,” the exterminator’s demeanor shifted, muscles tensing. “What was it that they were looking for?”
I was very much aware of the change in atmosphere. Such sensitivities were a necessity all those cycles ago, and for a positively infuriating reason. This vermin, and those Humans that came before, believed that one tongue was not enough. They came to my shop speaking with two, where their words were layered with separate meanings.
I hate it.
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!
WHY SPEAK WITH TWO TONGUES?! YOU WERE BORN WITH ONLY ONE! The demons in the facility spoke the same way. They ShOcKeD me so MANY TIMES that I learned to understand it. Then, they found me fit for RELEASE! OH, THE IRONY! TO THINK THAT THEY HAD BECOME SO FLUENT THAT THEY BELIEVED IT TO BE NATURAL!
I loosened my grip on the ratchet again, realizing the officer was still awaiting my response.
“The Humans brought an offer,” I answered. “They advertised protection.”
“Protection? From what?” the vermin asked.
“From you. From those other than them.”
The exterminator scoffed, as though I’d just told it a bad joke. Yet, despite its laughter, its paw drifted closer to its belt, towards the cuffs and, moreover, the sidearm. I gripped my ratchet tightly again, this time in case it proved necessary.
“They were quite insistent,” I continued. “But I turned them away.”
That seemed to put the officer somewhat at ease.
“Protection from us…” it chuckled. “How strange that predators would offer protection from protectors.”
Protectors? Please…neither of you are true protectors. That’s a real joke. I’ve seen what you do to them.
Like that one Venlil in the black suit that came with the Humans. Quinlim, his name was? He had light in his eyes, but I could see it dying, being snuffed out by the surrounding darkness. Soon, he'd be just another vermin.
“And did they say anything else to you?” the scum continued. “Did you catch any names? Any locations of interest? Any packages or instructions?”
“I did not. Our conversation was brief.”
“I see. Anything else of note? Please, sir, we're only trying to keep the herd safe. Any information will be valuable.”
The frustration pounded in my brain again. What annoyance I was enduring. I had nothing more to say to this thing. Yet, I knew it would only return once it left because those black-pelted Humans would return as well with their rhetoric of family and protection. They’d speak of respect and honor while they lacked the honesty to come to me plainly. Then, just as well, these silver-suited goons would follow in tow, likely more than one next time. They’d speak of justice and the herd, but they would turn on each other with even the slightest modicum of doubt. They had no trust, and what each group had, the other rejected like nuts in a drawer that had manuFACTURING ERrors that cAUSed me ALL KINDS OF HEADACHES. S O ! M A N Y ! H E A D A C H E S ! ! !
I placed my ratchet down on the counter firmly enough to cause the vermin to wince. Then, I turned an eye directly towards it, and asked a simple question.
“May I regale you a tale, officer?”
Its ears tilted in curiosity.
“Does it pertain to my questions, to the predators?”
So selfish, to be hesitant to hear my parable after wasting my time. It believes that it has learned every lesson worth learning, but everyone has something to teach.
“Not directly,” I answered. “But I’ve been nothing but honest and cooperative with you. Perhaps you can spare me a moment as I offer you some sagely advice.”
The silver suit was clearly bothered by my request, but it sighed and leaned into the counter nonetheless.
“What do you mean to tell me, sir?”
I moved my paw along the countertop, outlining the ratchet.
“Once there was a farmer with a shadestalker problem. They prowled around his property and caused him such distress. But, lo, a savior! A sharpshooter came from town and rid him of the pests.”
“That's all then?” the officer mumbled, clearly just waiting for me to finish.
I stopped outlining the ratchet with my claw and slammed my palms on the countertop. The exterminator was startled, but quickly regained its composure.
“Hardly!” I exclaimed. “The farmer, in his gratitude, brought her into his home to stay. However, she remained past her time, and she attracted unwanted debt collectors and the like. Soon enough, he realized his error, and he tried to cast her out. But the diseased Venlil took the gun to him instead!”
“He should have called the exterminators for a woman so ill,” the exterminator huffed. “Or just called them to deal with the shadestalkers.”
“Ah, but he had crops growing,” I replied. “He didn't want them burned, and if the exterminators heard that he had harbored such a diseased woman, would they have thought him tainted too? It seems no matter what, he was destined to lose something.”
The officer waited for another continuation, but I remained silent.
“That's all, then?” it finally asked. “I’d hardly call that advice.”
“Not on its own, but I’m sure the meaning will present itself in time. For now, that is all I have for you, though I'm sure I'll be seeing you again.”
The scum looked at me quizzically, but didn't question me further. Instead, it turned tail and left my shop, and I returned to the back room.
Such foolishness that it doesn’t understand. Why, the story is unfolding in front of us, but it doesn't see. It comes here for information, but it doesn't listen when I give it away. So annoying that they listen to only what they waNT TO HEar.
I hated their two tongues. I hated their conniving ways. I hated the fact that they WOULDN’T LEAVE ME ALONE.
I could almost hear the shadestalkers’ growls, the beasts that had grown so hungry. They’d been poked and prodded and hunted and fed and kept and released and they were here, growing ever closer. Though I’d escaped them once, their numbers grew, and now the vermin had arrived to save me.
As if I needed to be saved. Shadestalkers could be killed. These scum, these…these…THESE…
Killed? They could be…
No…can’t…go back…
But they… won’t…
There’s too many…
Just one, however…
Just one…
Just…
Perhaps I’d told the wrong story. Or, rather, I’d told the wrong ending. I never was good with stories. The shadestalkers…were there even any on the property? How did they come to be there? Had the farmer not slain them long ago? Perhaps those growls were his own.
Argh! I told it all wrong! Such a poor way of framing it!
And, what’s more, the farmer hadn’t brought the sharpshooter into her home. She’d arrived of her own accord, drawing in the dreadful collectors.
Yes, that’s right. But perhaps I could keep her away, if only I made an example.
It was time to rewrite the parable with a new set of decisions. No longer would the farmer’s life end in tragedy, not like that. I had learned from the story in a way that the vermin had not. The shadestalker would hunt. The sharpshooter would run for the hills. Yes, this was a better turn of events.
I strode over to my chemical drawer, opening it carefully. Countless, brightly colored bottles stared at me from within, simple supplies for cleaning machine parts and the like. But chemistry cared not for intended uses. There was so much more to be done.
Ethanol, chlorine, catalyst…
Hydrogen…
Pour…
Oxygen…
Perhaps both at once…
Then, another…
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[Fast forward transcription: 17 hours]
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I turned the flask in my paws as I held it up to the light. The contents were not my concern, rather the reflection in the glass: a darkened, metallic mask covering my face. Then, down below, the lengthy cloak flowed over my body, hiding the color of my fur. Would it be enough to disguise me? Did it even matter?
The stirring to my side told me that I was far beyond the point of doubts.
So it goes…
“Mmmmm…wha-? Where…”
The silver suit, same from before, raised its head, taking in its surroundings. It wouldn’t recognize this place, of course. Its kind had never come here to this old, dilapidated warehouse. The same went for the black suit on my other side. This Human, too, was beginning to wake up, and I eyed the restraints I’d placed upon them both.
Secure. I need only wait.
Little by little, the exterminator became more cognizant. It looked up at me with fury in its eyes, but also something else.
“Hey! Who are you?! What’s with that mask?! Where are we?!”
I lowered the flask into my lap and sighed.
“You’re not good at introductions, are you?” the mask altered my voice. “It seems you've dropped the veil of professionalism. Already, you've asked three questions before I could even answer.”
“What?!” it hissed. “I don’t know who you are, or where this is, but you’re as good as fried! Once the guild finds me-!”
“They will not,” I interjected. “And you will not be returning to them.”
“Is that a fucking threat?” it growled.
“Not a threat,” I mumbled. “Just the truth.”
Finally, the Human began to wake up.
“Where…wuh…?”
The exterminator suddenly realized just what was restrained across from it. Its eyes grew wide.
“The black suit…What is this? Are you with them?”
“Shut up,” I replied.
“I am an exterminator of-!”
“Shut. Up.”
The silver suit stopped its rambling, but continued to struggle against the restraints, searching for any method to get free. There wasn't one, of course.
As it grumbled, I turned my attention solely to the waking Human.
“Where is this?” it mumbled. “The package…I…”
“Relax,” I cooed. “I only brought you here temporarily.”
“Who are you? Wh-what do you want?”
I could hear the bite of fear in the Human’s voice. He was one of the more recent inductees, still green and growing its second tongue. I could speak to this one plainly. It wasn’t yet lost to the cold game being played in this town.
“I just wanted to make you understand,” I explained. “Your group…your family has been poking its snout into a peace that I have worked very hard to maintain. It’s caused me some issues, but we need not be enemies. All I ask for is some…indifference to be practiced between us.”
“I d-don’t understand. Who are you?”
“You may call me The Duskwall Shadestalker, and you will understand very shortly.”
I stood from my seat slowly. Gripping the flask in my paw, I meandered towards the bound exterminator. It looked up at me like a cornered animal, but that was giving it too much credit, perhaps. Animals didn't go looking for trouble on purpose, not like this pest that came to my store to spy behind my counter and interrogate me.
“What do you want with me?” it growled. “You know capturing an exterminator is grounds for predator disease. The guild will find you, freak. I hope you're fine with living in a fucking facility.”
I held the flask up once more, taking in the reflection of my mask, as well as that of the black-pelted Human watching the interaction unfold from behind. Was he fully awake? I’d only get a good take of this scene once. This performance was about to take a rather intense departure from the original script.
“It wouldn't be the first time I saw those blank walls,” I sighed. “They taught me to speak your tongues. They taught me to be what I wasn't, what you should have feared…”
I raised the container over my head.
“Vermin, like you.”
I flung the flask’s contents into the silver suit’s face…
…and he screamed.
“AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!! AAAUUGH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!”
The Human recoiled as the acid began to eat into the exterminator’s face. Its skin blistered and boiled as the fur came off in patches. It brought its paws up to scrub the burning liquid away, but the sizzling only spread to its digits.
“NOW ISN’T THAT SOMETHING?!” I shouted over the screams. “WHAT A SATISFYING MELODY!”
“Wh-what the fuck?!” the Human shrunk even further, eyes wide with terror.
“SEE, THIS IS A MUCH BETTER TALE!” I motioned to the writhing silver suit. “THEY COME FOR THE SHARPSHOOTER, BUT THE REAL THREAT IS THE FARMER, BECAUSE THE FARMER IS REALLY THE SHADESTALKER IN A CUNNING DISGUISE! WHAT A TWIST! WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS! NO LONGER IS THIS A TRAGEDY! PERHAPS A TRAGEDY FOR THE EXTERMINATORS, BUT NOT THE FARMER! NEVER THE FARMER! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER!”
I paused and took a deep breath.
Ah. [7.87 seconds] should be enough.
I drew another container from the lengthy pelts that draped over me. Opening the lid, I tossed its contents, a light dust, onto the vermin. The sizzling began to subside as the acid was neutralized, and his screams gradually reduced to sobs.
“P-please!” it sputtered, though its voice was ragged and its lips swollen. “I'm s-sorry! Whatever I've d-done to you, I'm s-so sorry! P-please, I w-won't do it again! Just d-don't kill me!”
“You seemed so much more confident before,” I mused. “Back when you had both your tongues. Funny how pathetic you become when I cut the extra one out. Let me tell you something, scum.”
I leaned down to its shivering, blistering form.
“I hate you. I hate the way you carry yourself. I hate the way you speak with two tongues. The trash at the facility used to speak with two tongues as well. They thought they could keep me there forever, but I grew four ears so I could hear what they were really saying.”
I glanced at the Human behind me. He had shrunk up against the opposite wall, searching for something to defend himself with.
“Relax, Human,” I instructed. “You do not hold my ire yet, though I imagine you soon will.”
“No, sir!” he replied. “I'm just trying to survive out here! I don't want any trouble!”
“They'll put you up to their game though,” I sighed. “Just like they did with this vermin, just like they did with me. The two-tongued bastards always find someone new to teach their language. I fear you're already in their clutches, but, for now, I'm only going to send a message with you back to your boss.”
“My b-boss,” he repeated. “God dammit, Don n-never mentioned it would get this b-bad. Oh fuck. I don't wanna die. I was just s-supposed to be running some contraband…”
“I'm afraid you were a tad unlucky,” I patted remnants of the neutralizer off my cloak. “You were just the easiest one for me to nab. Sorry, for what it's worth, but it had to be someone.”
I turned back to the silver suit.
“Just like this one here.”
I drove my foot into his side, then stomped his gut. I kicked him over and over, shattering bones and puncturing flesh with my claws. The vermin yelped and sobbed as I struck it, begging for me to relent.
I only kicked harder.
“YOU WALKED SO PROUDLY, SO CONFIDENTLY! YOU BELIEVE YOUR AUTHORITY MADE YOU UNTOUCHABLE, BUT NOTHING IS INVINCIBLE. ANYTHING CAN DIE, ESPECIALLY SCUM!”
I drew my ratchet from my cloak, turning it over in my paws. The silver suit looked up at me. With just one eye still working, it had to turn awkwardly to see.
“The story…the ratchet…” it wheezed. “I know you. You were-”
I slammed the ratchet into its singed face. I swung and smashed and crushed and broke and shattered and hurt until there was hardly anything left to recognize. Finally, out of breath, I tossed the ratchet to the floor.
“Oh god…urk…” the Human gagged. “Oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. You're a fucking psycho…”
I turned around and slumped back into my seat until the Human stopped whimpering.
“Now, for the message,” I mumbled. “Tell this Don of yours to leave Duskwall Street alone. Your protection offers are attracting unwanted attention that I tried to keep away for a long time. You can be in the pocketbooks of every business in every other part of this town, but you leave Duskwall Street untouched or we're going to have trouble.”
“Y-you’re threatening us?”
“Why does everyone think I'm threatening them?” I flicked my ears in irritation. “It's simply the truth. Stay out of my fur, and I'll stay out of yours. Easy.”
“I'll tell him,” the Human assured me. “I promise I will. Just…don't hurt me…”
“I won't,” I replied. “But I am going to have to conk you out again before I set you free. Can't have you coming back to this place. And, moreover, I'd suggest you try to cut ties with that family of yours if you can. I doubt you'll find the opportunity, but take it if you do, before they turn you into vermin.”
With that, I strode over to him, pressing a chloroform-soaked rag to his face until his mind drifted away. Then, I placed a sack over top and lugged him out the door.
Best make this fast. Still need to melt the rest of that body this paw.
-
Memory transcription subject: Quinlim, Suspected Capozzi Family Associate
Date [standardized human time]: October 14th, 2136
“This is…troubling,” Don sighed.
Many of us had huddled into the back of the Drunken Venlil, an abruptly called meeting to discuss a recent development. A newer face, Gary, had been tasked with moving a small package of contraband, but he'd disappeared, then turned up near the distillery, completely unconscious. When he came to, he was inconsolable. Not once had I seen a Human look so terrified, like the common prey we were often encouraged to be.
“It's just one man,” Trilvri huffed. “Could he truly be a threat?”
“He's not normal!” Gary all but shouted. “You don't understand! There's something wrong upstairs, you can hear it in his voice!”
“Easy, gentleman,” Don raised a hand. “We can handle this business calmly and with civility. Trilvri, certainly you, of all people, would know the capabilities of but a single man.”
The dark-coated Venlil turned his face to the floor.
“This is different. One man can't take on the world. That's why we organize.”
“That is true,” Don admitted. “But how many men do you want to throw to the angry bear? If it takes three of our own lives to kill it, was it smart to encroach upon its territory?”
“It's just one street,” Ivan grumbled. “We can assume this ‘Duskwall Street Shadestalker' works there, yes? How many stores turned us away? Certainly, we could determine his identity and strike first without casualty.”
“It’s…only one street!” I interjected, still somewhat spooked from Gary’s demeanor. “Can't we just…leave it be?”
Don raised his hand again.
“Quinlim, I recognize your inclination to grant this specter's wish, but you must also recognize that he kidnapped one of The Family, one of us. He could be a danger to this community, and it would simply not be right to let him do as he pleases without consequence. That is how the guild operates, without honor.”
He turned to Trilvri, then to Ivan before continuing.
“However, I believe we all need to consider the practicality of this situation. There is a reason that Gary was left unscathed. If this ‘Shadestalker’ only asks for our lack of involvement, that is a reasonable request on its own. The guild appears to be his primary enemy. Perhaps it would be best to give a wide berth for a time.”
“So we're just going to let him get away with that, with what he did to Gary?” Mac asked, bewildered. “One of our own was kidnapped!”
“God, just let him go,” Gary pleaded. “I don't even care at this point. I've already seen enough.”
“We cannot turn a blind eye to his transgression completely,” Don rubbed his hands together. “But, for the time being, we will simply observe. As of now, we will cease operations on Duskwall street. This situation may turn to favor us in time.”
Mac looked like he was about to protest, but a stern glare from Ivan shut him down before he could begin.
“And what if he comes after us anyway?” Trilvri asked. “I don't suppose we'll leave him alone then.”
Don gave a wide smile.
“If he acts first, we need only show him The Family's extensive skill set.”
-
The Nature of Family

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I've never written before (beyond a few english essays in high school) and this is my first proper crack at it. I got good feedback on the prologue when I last posted it (it was in 3rd person then). I'm not so sure about anything past the prologue - some of it feels a bit cliche, some of the explanations feel a bit forced, it feels a little rushed too. Would love to hear what you guys think. I'd really like to up the standard of my writing.
Prologue

Shadow enveloped my vision as I stared down. The brilliant sunset I had seen, feeling nearly at its level, was now just a tiny sliver of light. Thick clouds, once grey, were now darkened blots, billowing out from an already darkened horizon.
Whenever the thought re-entered my mind, I felt a sharp quiver through my body, bouncing from point to point while slowly diminishing - sparkling and prickling. The feeling of weightlessness it gave me almost seemed intended to resist the impending sensation.
This time had felt different. I had felt a coldness, a surrender deep in my being - but it was quickly swept away by icy black water crashing against the rocks far below. The level agony one must experience to overcome this - to follow through – I realized then that I could not even fathom it.
So the impending sensation became a drive home, as the thoughts kept assaulting my mind’s eye. Seeing people perform the most mundane tasks with bright eyes. Seeing them see me, and recognize my lack. Remembering every day that my experience, by the standards of most, was tainted. My foot went down, and the little turbo engine growled.
In that instant, all my pent up emotion was let loose; as I made fast, sharp turns and surged through the empty roads – pulling faces, cursing, screaming. The catharsis, even the rage, became unbelievably euphoric – this feeling of power, of aliveness –what I had been missing, what I had needed, for years. To my surprise, the anger started to dissipate, replaced by something else. Pure aliveness. Peace against a backdrop of burning rubber. It is strange, how the human mind works - or at least, how mine does.
Several wild turns later, I entered my suburb – and the bright elongated streaks in the sky collapsed back into stars. I reminded myself that there were some things I could still enjoy. A homely suburb, a skittish car, a group of people – all true friends. But no lover. There is only one of her, and she doesn’t want me. And she’s not a girl. She’s five pills.

Chapter One

“I am Rajneesh. I see all, I feel all, and through my soulful eyes I can conduct beams of pure energy, mesmerizing my followers and destroying those who oppose me.”
This is Ishaan. He does not have any followers, but according to him, there are indeed many who oppose him. I had my doubts regarding his Osho – “Ish, lets just get this over with”. I ran at him, drawing my bow, and within seconds, Osho’s erroneous third eye had a dozen arrows sticking out of it. Weakened but not dead, Osho began to chant faintly, right as our eyes met. The skyscrapers surrounding our New York avenue began to shimmer, then wave, and then fully gyrate, along with the rest of my surroundings. I fell to the ground, completely disoriented. A nice break from the action. I awoke to find Osho and an army of cultists standing over me, just as he delivered the final blow, ending the game. With a click, we were back in the familiar green room, and then with another click, back in the real world, sitting at my desk.
In many ways, Ishaan is my closest friend. We have a stereotypical platonic male friendship – never asking how the other is doing, or talking in depth about emotional matters. But we know each other very well – we’re fully synced up – like one entity. “I’m impressed, we’ll add him to the list” I said, “Still I doubt he can hold a candle to Jesus”. “No, no, you’re right”, Ishaan mused.
The game, titled simply Duel, is one of millions of applications generated by the Make engine – an AI which can generate graphics, programs, rules, virtual environments – all from simple English commands. The possibilities are endless. They went for the slogan “make it” which doesn’t quite have the same ring.
Ishaan and I chatted away for a while - about work, our upcoming break, a roadtrip we were planning - with the TV on in the background. I was just going to make some tea when I heard a word that burrowed its way straight into to my amygdala. I went to change the channel, but Ishaan found the remote first, and turned up the volume. “Masochist”.
“…new developments as Mandel unveils the latest update to Gleam. Some very exciting breakthroughs are on their way to you – broader object awareness, improved social cohesion sense, and once again achievement satisfaction has been lengthened; all the way up to fifteen subjective units.” And then Ishaan turned it off. We sat there for a while, with blank expressions. I felt my mouth begin to curl down - a tense, involuntary tugging of my facial muscles – the embodiment of emotion. I wondered who would look at the other first. Neither of us wanted the other to see the pain, the childish bitterness, glowing dull behind the translucent mask of his face. We sat for a while, looking elsewhere. As it turned out, we both looked at the same time, and the fear of judgement was instantly gone – there was just solidarity. It is not often that I experience human connection like this.
“Have you tried anything?”, I blurted. “Well there’s nothing to try, is there. It’s not happening.” Ishaan said, as his face became flatter still. “There’s no black market, and all the insane people who might have sold it otherwise have been cured. There’s no more to this”, he said, wearing an ironing board for a face. His defeatism always pissed me off, but as usual, I decided to put a spin on it. “Maybe we need to find a still-insane person” I reasoned, “Or an egoless guru - have you asked Osho?”. A slight smile broke through Ishaan’s downcast expression. “I think Osho would love it as much as the rest of them”.
We’re talking about Gleam. A strange name for a medication, but aptly denoting the lively sparkle it brings to the eyes. A luminous sparkle, a glistening dance of light – a gleam. Funny, that it should make our eyes go blank and grey.
Gleam came about five years ago – following a breakthrough around ten years previously. Pharmacologists at Mandel – now the largest pharmaceutical company globally - were investigating a novel antidepressant candidate. This drug demonstrated potent mood enhancing effects, much like a recreational drug, but seemingly with no dependence liability or tolerance.
At the high doses they used in the initial animal studies, it was noted that the rats became highly resistant to all but the most acute stressors. Sociability, curiosity and mating behaviour were all substantially increased, in controls as well as “depressed” rats (which is another way of saying previously tortured rats).
Many have speculated, in retrospect, that Mandel was looking for an opportunity like this - a medication used not just to treat, but to enhance the norm. If not, how would they have broken that new legal ground, got through all that red tape, in only ten years?
So what does Gleam do for people? Simply put, it raises the quality of their experiences to a great degree. Maybe not to the same degree as drugs like meth or heroin, but fairly close, I would guess. Unlike those, Gleam is sustainable over the long term, without many negative effects or risks. (Rushed>
As you would expect, many are suspicious, or openly against it – people will always find their reasons to fear the new and unknown. But in my community, the young middle class, it’s ubiquitous. To be depressed, and not on Gleam in a world that is – the reality of that is worse than you might imagine.

I’m just gonna warn you, this is long and mostly a rant. Also apologies for any spelling or other errors, I’m usually decent at writing but my phone is acting weird. Also I write like I talk and I talk like a bowl of spaghetti so the flow might be weird.
So I (21F) moved in with my bf (21M), who lives with his parents first of 2024. They’re alright, definitely a different breed of people than what I was surrounded by growing up (my dad and my aunt who raised me were both conservative, navy brats and church goers). Bf and I were long distance before that. I recall him briefly mentioning mice maybe a few months before but didn’t think much of it because I thought like any normal person they’d get it under control or call in an exterminator. And I didn’t hear him or anyone else bring it up besides that one time.
By the time I moved in, I completely forgot about it until they mentioned it like the second or third day I was there in passing. I remember in the moment wondering if it was the same mouse problem as before or if it was just a new family of mice, but trusting that they would handle it and it would be over soon. And I know if I had known prior that they were still dealing with the mice at the time that I would not have moved in and would’ve found somewhere else to live, or would’ve waited.
It’s been six months since I moved in, and there is STILL a mouse problem.
Literally it’s the same pattern. We set traps, catch a few mice, are really careful with not leaving food and cleaning up, someone leaves out a can of soda or a crumb like a week later and BAM they’re back.
Literally just the other day, we were having dinner, the four of us (Bf, his mom and dad and myself), after BF I had just come back from house sitting for a week, and the dad brings up the traps he set. “Hey, saw a mouse the other night, ‘bout scared the shit out of me. It was in the room by the kitchen and I chased it to the kitchen and lost it. It was big too, so I put a trap in your room and set traps other places.”
I have two problems with this that I just need to get off my chest.
Número uno: our room was not where the mouse was, and before we left I made sure that all doors to our room were shut so we WOULDN’T get mice in there, especially since we were gonna be gone for a week, and I made sure that no food or soda cans were in there.
Number two: I haven’t confronted him on this, but because of trauma, a bedroom to me is a sacred space, and walking in with out permission, and especially if I’m not there is one of the most offensive things you can do in my mind. I literally haven’t ever entered their room, even if the door is wide open unless it was to grab Bf’s dog off their bed or bring his mom what she asks for when she doesn’t feel good and can’t get out of bed. Otherwise I don’t even look in their room out of respect for them.
This is the second time he’s done this. The first time BF and I were not at home, and he caught a mouse, and immediately goes to check out our part of the house and goes through our room and judges us on how messy it is talking about food everywhere and soda cans all over the place.
First, mcdonald’s bag not in our bedroom but by bf’s desk. That had been there for maybe like a day or two and for some reason neither of us had gotten to grabbing it and putting it in the trash can, it was serving as a makeshift trash can in the mean time.
Second, Taco Bell bag from literally an hour before. Need I say more?
Literally the mouse had been stuck in a trap for at least a week before that and I kept smelling it but didn’t check because I didn’t wanna throw up and gross.
He got mad at us…despite him setting the traps and not checking everyday.
Anyway back to the dinner conversation.
He says he put a trap in our room, I stay quiet because I already knew about the trap and complained to my boyfriend about it and moved it.
My boyfriend says “maybe it’s time we get a professional on this.”
His dad says “no you guys just need to stop leaving food out.”
Like bruh, we hadn’t been there for a week???
Anyway, then I say. “It’s a pattern, we catch a mouse, are careful for like a week or two and then start to get lenient and then BAM mice are back, so we’re obviously not getting rid of them they’re just finding another spot to get food in the meantime.”
He says “no because I still see a bunch of lizards every time I go outside.”
Like bro, that’s because they’re opportunists and aren’t gonna eat something bigger than them.
His mom mentions getting a yard cat and the conversation moves to when they had yard cats before. (They claim they’re deathly allergic but we’ve been around cats and then come home and not said a word and they have no symptoms at all of allergies until we do.)
And I’m realizing if we get a yard cat then the problem is just gonna move further inside.
We do have two pit bulls by the way, not that either one of them would go after a mouse because they’re just big ol cowards. Literally one of them when to look at the kitchen late one night like he heard something and then seconds later ran under the bed and hid for an hour.
Any body got advice. Bf and I have looked into moving at this point but we’re both pretty broke and can’t seem to find roommates or a suitable place that allows dogs and has enough parking that’s close by since BF can’t afford his high car insurance (we live in FL for those wondering).
Part of me wants to give the dad a piece of my mind but he’s such a stubborn and argumentative person and literally doesn’t listen to anybody. He’s always right and that’s always how it is. Won’t even let you talk. Literally almost got into an argument with him because he didn’t like how I stopped at stop signs because I don’t pull up enough (despite being taught by a professional driving instructor and getting 100 on my drivers test first try, but he didn’t seem to care about that, didn’t even give me room to explain.)
Plus I’m not that confrontational and don’t know how to argue because I never had that many arguments or witnessed that many until moving in with this family.
Just in defense of this guy, the rest of the time he can actually be pretty funny and I know if I ever needed to be picked up or anything he’d go out of his way to get to me, even more so for his family.
If someone could give advice or at least make me feel like I’m not an asshole for getting so frustrated over everything. I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point right now.

It’s unfortunate that Hope for the Future would be even MORE applicable in this circumstance than it was originally, I’m having trouble thinking of something better!
A few options that occurred to me: - Faith - New Hope - Hope Wins (already a progressive slogan in some circles) - Forever Hope/Hope Forever (probably too close to the brand Forever New but I do like it)
Absolutely crazy one they could do if they wanted this to end up being a very long term family feud with the brand taking off so much that a lot more family members leave FC: Logan Creations 😂. Extra funny because imagine if they end up merging years later and changing the name Forrester Logan, people would LOSE THEIR MINDS

Blaze 3: Demonic Arc 2: Demon Trial¹
Sid Iucan is shown trying to meditate in order to bring out the light power but struggles. Eyashi says" There must be a way you can activate it. What did you do during your fight with Haden?" Sid says" Well I was out and he started to assault me and your teaching style." Eyashi says you have two traits within you. Your mother's trait and your father's trait. Your father's trait seems to be sticking out more. Try to push all of your rage and anger away then focus on the other energy as your center piece." Sid says thank you. I'll try it out. Eyashi gets out of character and fights him. Part of the plan. Back at the lab. Kikia finish analyzing the item. The lab is being watched but by who. A glass breaks and she takes out a weapon she made and says who's there? A demon comes out and she shoots it. As she turns around, she gets knocked out and is unconscious. When she wakes up, her head has a knott and can't recall what happened last night.
A few days later. Sid, Phil, and Fasha are together Sid begins to greet a civilian. Phil and Fasha have a look on their faces. Phil says are you okay? Sid says of course. Why'd you ask? Fasha says it's just that you don't usually greet people on a regular basis. Sid says hey wait it's just like Eyashi said. This is my mother's trait kicking in. Fasha says that is good. Phil says hey Sid can you help me (sarcastic voice). My house has burned down and need a place to stay. Will you help a dear man out? Phil was expecting Sid argue with him but says yes. He stay like that the whole day. Next scene. Haden(in a suit) is shown coming home with lots of women. From the club. Afterwards Haden says to Sid get you some saki. Sid says but I'm under the age. Haden says non since you're never under age when you have saki and I used to put this on your pacifier. They drink.
He talks about Haden's money and says that is why he gets the women. Haden says and I'm a classy man, my charms, and a high value man. You have a nice woman there and try not to lose her. Sid says sure you are right. Have you ever had a wife and children before. Haden says yes and yes. My wife is named Katana. She is apart of a group called blood style users/clan. They can manipulate their blood into weapons and attacks. They don't have to make themselves bleed. If a non clansman wanted to use then they must make themselves bleed. They have pink and red hair and a great healing factor. Sid says now that you mentioned it. That sounds a lot like Keira Saja. You don't think? Haden says maybe she is or not. You are going to have to see. And the last thing is my daughter is named Katara. She is only a year younger than you. She ran away after seeing her mother dead. If she was still here, I'd be training her right now. Well that's all I got for you.
Sid says I enjoyed this time with you. Thanks. Haden says anytime my nephew. Later on. Sid is with Keira. Sid says do you feel funny or anything balled up inside. Keira says no. Why? Sid says Haden told me this story about his wife being apart of the blood clan but she's dead now. She was able to use her blood in the shape of weapons and attacks. She also possessed an awesome healing ability. You both have the same pink and red hair. Keira says You mean I could possibly have powers just like you and the others. That would be pretty cool and I get to kick some butt. What should my superhero name be? Sid says Keira I think you're taking it a little too far. Try to pay attention to any type of healing and all of that other stuff. Ok. Keira says aye okay. She continues be hype.
The next day, Haden calls Sid over and says it's time to train but this time it's going to be a little different. Haden introduces the Training Simulation Room. They both wear face gears before entering. Or might be a spot/pod/chair to get or sit in. Can't enter without face gear. The inside can be changed to your liking. Is very large and has no ending. Face gear will be invisible but you can remove it. The pod/chair will be the old version while this one is up to date. Haden didn't create it over night but was made some time ago. There is an infinite amount of spirit and soul energy. The damage on the person will heal up automatically when the time calls for it. Clothes changes as well. Is similar to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
Training is over. Note. Haden has people in the house that work for him. Personal chefs and other assistants. Has libraries, theaters, kitchens, and more in his house. Next scene. Zushi is with Fasha and says it's time for you to learn the last ability. It's a form call the Ice Butterfly. In order to obtain you, must build up a lot of spirit energy in your ice abilities. A strong ice user will obtain this power. Fasha says the Ice Butterfly form sounds pretty cool. I don't think that I'm not ready to obtain this form. At least not yet. Zushi says I got to let you in on something. My old student and I couldn't get it. Fasha says you couldn't master the form. You're a very powerful ice user. I highly doubt it. Zushi says yep not even I. That's the reason I chose you to be my student. I want you to take my place and surpass my wisdom. You're a very intelligent young lady, Fasha. Now you're right. You are not ready yet but you can be because I believe in you. This form is very hard to obtain but you can do it. Fasha says thanks. I needed that. Zushi shows Fasha a diagram of how the form looks. Note. If Fasha has Sid's weapon, it won't change the nature.
The Dragon Flare is a fire sword so it can't change. Swords with power can't change. Two days laer. Eyashi and Phil comes over Haden's house. He wants to know about his training simulation room. Eyashi says I only need it to train with Phil. Haden says you will do no such thing. Now beat it. Eyashi says is that how you want to play. After all I was the one to design it. Isn't that right Haden. Phil says wow it seems we have somebody claiming an invention for their own. Haden says hush you vexation. This is the grown-ups talking. Now where were we EYASHI. Sure he designed it but there were some flaws. IT was a Bata version. I made some modifications to it. They get into an argument. Eyashi and Phil weren't able to get it but got the original. He makes some modifications to it. Eyashi summons a device of his. It's very small and call the Absorber. He places it on the pod and it is absorbed.
Eyashi uses reverse summoning and it has now disappeared. Has a hand sign version but Eyashi doesn't need to use. For the device, Eyashi is shown doing talking about it and the price. Talks about it being on discount just like his TV commercial/website, Eyashi Mohotorium(emporium). The clone will promote the item or the real one. Slogan: come on down and get yourself something. Here at Eyashi Mohotorium. A place for, he pauses then laughs and says you. He has another version of the item that allows you to absorb more than just one. He will throw it on the ground and it will absorb anything in range or just what he wants. It's even strong enough to absorb an entire house but when summoning the item, the house will be all messed up. Eyashi has enough control that it'll come out correctly. Also must be enough space or the house appears to close to the others.
Later on. New characters shown. Annah Huncanavid(Hoon-cun-ah-vid) and her daughters: Rosi Huncanavid, Ceepa Jonzi(jone-zee)(teachers call her Ms. Jonz)/CJ, and Mandi Fori(four-ee). She is going to move out of her house because it was to small. She is now moving into the Tokyu Manji area. Kids listed in order. Phil notices that Sid has new people moving in. Sid wants to help them move in. Phil doesn't want to but does. Before CJ turns around completely, Sid says what up baby need some help. Phil whispers you know her. Sid says yes she's just hard at remembering. CJ says oh yeah I remember now. You're that Iucan kid from Jr High. My ex. Phil says ex but you were with Keira in Jr High. Why would you go out with someone else while your girlfriend is in a healing chamber and isn't dead. There's only two reasons. One you cheated on Keira or two is it wasn't serious and you never was her boyfriend. CJ and Phil both laugh.
Flashback shown. She use to be a bully. Because of her tomboy/tough girl style, many people thought she was like this all the times but she actually disliked being treated like that. She has a soft side. One day Sid chose to follow her. She goes into a flower shop. Sid come out of hiding and confronts her. He wants to know why did she became a bully. CJ says because she was always tough and a fighter. It just comes easier. Then join a group called pain servers. Sid talks her out of it. She remains tough for most of the time. She saw that moment being special so she called him her boyfriend. Even at school. Everybody's response is CJ is going out with a guy like that. Flashback over.
It was a short time thing and was not meant to be taken serious . During the time Keira was hospitalized. Sid wasn't her type anyways. Annah and the others arrive on the scene. Phil and Sid continue to help. After seeing Rosi, Phil says now that's a woman. All mature. When Mandi comes over, she does her flirting thing and says they are both her type. More things happen. They find her annoying. As she falls(on purpose), she thinks they're going to catch her but don't care. Bios. Annah - Born July 15,1976. Age 36. Hair color: black. Didn't finish the 12th grade. Had Rosi at age 18. Rosi's dad's name is Rosario Moto. Mandi's dad is Momo Fori. CJ's dad is Dorius Jonzi. Got married to Dorius then to Momo. She argued and had problems with them all. Two divorces. Kids didn't like seeing her fight. Changed her marriage name back to maiden name. Rosario was the only one to return but not that long. She tried to get with other people but remained single. Tried to get with Eyashi because he was single and no kids but tell her he's seeing someone (Zushi).
Rosi born in November 28, 1994. She 16. It's August now and her birthday hasn't come yet. Hair color black. Likes to read books. Enjoys romantic movies. Loves to walk outside. CJ born in August 22, 1996. Age 15. It's August 12. Hair color light blue. Sports: basketball (next year), tennis, judo(the gentle way), volleyball and wrestling(current). Likes: American and football watching wrestling. Hobbies: florist, exercise, video games, skateboarding, and loves/knows about cars. Tall and is the same height as Phil. Spike is taller than Phil but same height as Eyashi. Has big boobs and a freaky side but isn't shown yet. Favorite subjects: science and engineering. Future jobs is basketball player and engineering. CJ and Mandi will argue over Sid. They both tug on him. He ask Rosi for help but refuses. This is a future moment in this arc. Mandi born in Sep1tember 18,1997. Age 14. Sports: soccer and track. Likes Spike Musha (not yet) and scary movies. Dislikes dogs. Future job: medicine/doctor. Favorite subjects: math and science. Wears glasses in next series. She is known for being a freak within the series. Hair color green. "To Be Continued"

Sometimes a trusted friend is better than a therapist, but sometimes you need a real therapist
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Gillab, Gojid Citizen, Father
Date [Standardized Human Time]: April 2, 2142
I made sure to wake up as early as I possibly could, I had to prepare for a very arduous and incredibly important task. I had to step up to do something I probably had no business doing, but Billy only trusted me to hear him out. I felt a part of my brain wishing that he would go to someone else, someone more qualified, but I wouldn’t bring it up with him.
Every second that passed brought another thought of failure to the front of my mind. I had no training, no experience, not even a friend I could ask for advice on this. All I could do was take what little advice I could pull off of the internet and run with it, following what my heart felt would be right.
What my heart felt was right was making Billy as comfortable as possible, and a full breakfast was a good way to start that. Apparently, I was a natural at cooking, I just never tried it before. I made him everything I thought he would like, not caring about wasting food. I could deal with the excess later, Billy needs me now.
Spurred into action by the smell of food, Billy exited his room as quietly as he could, and by the look on his face, I could tell that he hadn’t slept well last night. There were large bags under his eyes and his movements were uncoordinated, he was constantly looking down like a pet being punished, and his shirt was stained with sweat, probably from a night terror.
“Have a bad night?”
Billy only glanced up. “Yeah… couldn’t sleep at all. Just kept…”
I turned my attention back to the stove-top. “You don’t have to talk about it just yet. Let’s eat something and wake up a little first.”
He silently exhaled. “Sounds good, what are you making?”
“Just some more potatoes. There are some waffles in the toaster too, in case you want something else. I pulled out a bottle of OJ too, I figured you want something to drink.”
Billy sighed. “You don’t have to do all of that for me, you just being here is plenty enough already.”
I leaned over and turned off the stove. “I know, but I want to. I want to give you the best chance at getting out of this as possible.”
Billy smiled softly. “Thank you.”
I placed the pan on an oven mitt and set it on the table. “It’s no problem, now let's eat.”
But before I could sit down, I remembered the waffles. I stopped myself halfway down and turned away just in time to hear them pop out of the toaster, slightly crispy on the outside but still soft on the inside. I set them on a plate and grabbed a bottle of syrup, I didn’t know which kind to choose so I just went with the one that looked best. Hopefully Billy likes maple.
As I set the rest of the food down, Billy paused for a second. “Hey, now that I think about it, you said that you had a kid, right?”
I couldn’t help but wag my tail. “I sure do, and a beautiful wife as well.”
“What… what are they like? You haven't told me about them, only that they exist.”
“Well, what can I say? Kirala is the most beautiful person in the universe. She’s funny, kind, a little clumsy, understanding, patient… she’s perfect. And Julaly, my sweet little Julaly. She’s the light of my world. I care more about that little girl than anything else in the universe. She’s so full of energy and curiosity, nothing can slow her down.”
Billy smiled and poured some syrup onto his pancakes. “Maybe… Nevermind.”
“Maybe what?”
“I… I don’t know if I have room to ask, but I’d like to meet them sometime.”
My tail thumped against the chair. “Of course! I’d love to introduce them to the man who saved their life.”
“Their?”
“Yes, their. While you might not have directly saved them, you certainly did by extension. Kirala was in… a similar spot to you when we met. She wasn’t ready to do, uhm, doing that, but she was certainly on her path. I remembered what you did for me, and I decided to help her. It was difficult, but I helped her fight her way out of her depression.”
I finished cutting up a piece of waffle and popped it into my mouth. “After that, we just kept spending time together. Eventually, I realized that I had feelings for her, but I felt guilty about asking her out. I felt like she would feel obligated to say yes because of what I did, and I didn’t want that. So, I kept my feelings hidden for a long time, until she revealed that she had her own feelings for me.”
I placed a claw on my face in thought. “From there, we dated on and off again, but I always knew I wanted to marry her. I just couldn’t because of how crazy things were for a while. We would have almost no free time and we would be separated constantly because of our jobs. Once everything calmed down though, we finally got the chance to get married. A little while after, Julaly was born and Kirala decided to become a stay-at-home mom, though she does take art commissions for some extra money. The rest is as average as any family could be.”
I realized as I finished the story that I had overshared. “Ah, I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear all that.”
Billy softly smiled. “No, it’s fine. It was… nice to hear that. H-Hey, if you’re married and all, why are you spending so much time away from them? I don’t want to impede on your marriage.”
I finished off the waffle. “It’s fine Billy, Kirala understands that you need someone to lean on right now. Yeah, she was a little annoyed at how sudden it was, and Julaly certainly was fussy about it, but they both realize that you need help.”
Billy finished off his own waffle. “That makes me feel better. I was worried that I was taking up time you could be spending with them.”
I reached out to collect his dish, but Billy stopped me. “I-I’ve got it.”
I blinked in surprise, but let him go ahead and grab my plate. I watched him take both plates to the sink, stacking them neatly to the side. But instead of turning back, he stood motionless at the sink, just staring into it.
“Are you okay?”
Billy sighed and turned back. “I’m just nervous. W-what if I make it worse? It’s what happens every other time I try to do something good. What if confronting it like everyone is telling me to do will j-just worsen it?”
I stood from the chair and walked into the living room. “I saw an old saying somewhere, but I can’t remember where it was. Maybe it was in a fortune cookie. It went something like ‘If you spend too much time thinking about the fall you’ll never be able to see how to fly.’ At least, I think that’s how it went. You can fly Billy, I know you can.”
Billy sighed and turned back toward the sink. “Still…”
I walked up beside him and placed a claw on his shoulder. “Hey, even if you relapse, I’m always here for you. You’ve made it out of there already, that just means that you know that you can make it out again. Are you… Do you need more time?”
Billy stared at the running water, distant eyes cluing me in on the internal battle. With two sighs, a slow one and then a quick one, Billy pulls himself away from the sink. “I’m ready.”
We made our way to the living room quietly, Billy still wearing a nervous look on his face. However, I did notice that his bags were already starting to clear up a little, so the breakfast must have helped a little at least. Now it was up to me and the information I scrounged up in the little time I had to. I would never tell him, but I wished he would go to someone who knew what they were doing. Maybe once he takes this very important first step, he could be more open to seeing a professional like Richard.
But, I would step up to the challenge and give it everything I could. It was the least I could for the man who saved my life.
I set my pad to the side and sat down, careful as to not get my spikes stuck in the chair. Billy took his own chair, bouncing his leg nervously as he leaned forward, preparing for me to speak.
“Well Billy, this is it. I’ll listen to you as much as you need, feel free to speak.”
Billy nodded and took his breath.”Well, uhm, I-I guess I should start from the beginning. Before we met, before first contact, really, I was a member of a special forces police team. We were formed to deal with hostage situations, suspected kidnappers, anything involving people being held against their will. It was… I hated it. More often than not, all we would find was a corpse, and when they were still alive, they had been tortured within an inch of their life. I felt like I couldn’t help anyone, failing everyone I was supposed to protect.”
Billy dropped his hand to his lap and looked away. “I quit and joined the UN peacekeepers, hoping that I could try and make a difference there. Maybe I could help create a world where those people wouldn’t come to be. Only a month later, first contact was announced and I was shipped away to an alien planet lightyears away. I really don’t know why, but I couldn’t tell anyone about my time in the police force. It- I felt shame from it. The only person I told was Cody, but, well, you know what happened to him.”
Billy took a breath and shifted, but I interjected before he could speak again. “How did Cody’s death affect you?”
Billy stopped in his tracks, confronted with emotions that he had suppressed for years now. “I… It… I felt less like a person than I had in a long time. I shut myself in and stopped talking.”
Billy smiled softly and laughed. “You were the one who pulled me out of my depression then. Kind of funny. I don’t even think that you realized it was Cody specifically that caused it.”
I leaned back in surprise. “Honestly, I thought it was the quiet allowing you to reflect on the entire mission.”
“That worsened it, but Cody was the largest part of it.”
“I never realized how close you were with him.”
Billy leaned back. “Not a lot did, I don’t think I did either until he died. I think that was the pebble that started the landslide. Everything after just kept getting worse and worse. I know that you have already talked to Naeriu about the Battle of Earth.”
“I have, but I’d like to hear it from you too. We are here to talk about your feelings, not tell the story.”
Billy bit his lip and started bouncing his leg again. “I… I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”
I softly inhaled, unsure of what to do. I had read many sources that said that I should try and push Billy through this, but at the same time, I read just as many sources saying to not force it. Just getting him to talk for this small amount of time was already a feat in and of itself, I wasn’t sure if I should try and keep it going or not.
I closed my eyes as I sighed, hoping that I was about to choose the correct path. “You can. I know you can. Maybe not the whole thing, but you have to give it a try, okay?”
Billy’s leg couldn’t stop shaking, even with his obvious mental efforts to try and stop it. He was silent for a moment, before relenting with a shallow nod. “Okay… Y-yeah, I-I’ll try. Uhm…”
Billy tried getting comfortable, leaning to the side of the chair and propping himself up on only one arm. “S-so, during the Battle of Earth, uhm, I was promoted to captain before this, but, me and my squad were charged with boarding a bomber. We almost didn’t make it and only us and one other shuttle made it to the ship. From there we just kept clearing hall after hall, trying to find the control room and stop the ship. A man got hit, Teguh, and he had to stay behind. Owen stayed with him for as long as he could, but they were overrun and Owen had to leave. Teguh died alone.”
Billy leaned forward. “Th-then Gabriel died. He was the youngest out of all of us and charged ahead recklessly. He was torn apart by plasma in front of all of us. We pushed them back, b-but…”
I glanced down, remembering what Naeriu had told me during the clean-up efforts after the bombings. After one of Billy’s soldiers was shot, Billy, ended up killing one of the many junior exterminators. He didn’t know what he had done until it was explained to him, but once he had realized what he did, he closed in on himself.
“I-I’m sorry Gillab, I can’t talk about it.”
I nodded. “That’s okay, as long as you give it your best. You’ll be able to confront it soon, I just know it. You are making serious progress already, I just know that you are going to conquer this soon enough.”
Billy’s leg finally stopped bouncing as he leaned back. “Yeah… Soon enough.”

[First] - [Prev] - [Next]
—
Memory transcription subject: Herq, Tilfish Junior Exterminator
Date [standardized human time]: December 4th, 2136
I was so tired. My body ached from the last few tortuously slow hours, filled with wary exterminators, carrying crates, and explaining the same things over and over again. My arms and legs felt like jelly, my thoughts were little more than mush, and my whole body disagreed with every motion. But I endured it. I couldn’t stop now.
Our first stop had been Jarn. Her and her team were easy enough, their position was right next to where we dropped off Luke, Dusty, and Reno, and she took the weapons without much question. That was where the easiness ended. Dernst’s team was next, and he was apprehensive of Frankie. So were all the others. It was a terrible repeat of what happened at the predator disease facility. Even when faced with what I considered more than enough evidence of their good intentions, they were skeptical. And once again, it was up to me, an exterminator, to smooth things over.
Frankie pulled up to our last stop, and I tapped at my holopad to inform Verlli of our arrival.
Frankie yawned. “Right. Last one.”
I flicked my antennae, shoving the door open. I almost let my guard down. We hadn’t encountered any grays in Tepisil so far, mostly in part to Frankie’s navigation, but that fact only made me more worried rather than relieved. It was like the gentle breeze before the whirlwinds of a storm.
I walked towards the side exit of the building. It was inconspicuous enough, opening into the dark alley we were currently in; just a small opening with dumpsters alongside the walls that stretched upwards for three floors.
I extended a feeler to test the door when it suddenly jerked open at me, making me flinch. Verlli stood in the doorway, and he looked about as tired as my body felt. To no surprise, he looked like he’d been up all night, and his vest had some sort of stain on his left side, where the exterminator’s insignia was. He clicked his mandibles. “It’s about time.”
“You were the last group,” I responded.
“I’m aware. The predator is with you?” He stuck his head out the door, casting wary glances left and right before settling on the human.
“Frankie,” I corrected. “I could use some help getting it upstairs for you.”
“Mar and Cogal are upstairs. Keeping watch.”
“That’s fine.” I turned around, spotting the muscular human already with a pathetic pile of crates stacked beside the truck. Only a few were left inside when he slammed the doors shut. As I approached him, Verlli followed, although kept his distance. He must have recognized Frankie from the predator disease facility.
“Here’s the rest of it.” Frankie huffed. He adjusted his gaze, taking in Verlli’s form. “Hey… Do I know you from somewhere?”
Verlli shifted. “I don’t believe so.” I cast a glance at him for his lie. He tilted an antenna at me, signaling to not pursue it, though I didn't have the energy to do so regardless.
Frankie shrugged. “Fair enough. Well, I’ll leave you gentlemen to it. Don’t take too long, I’m overdue for a nap.”
I grabbed two of the crates. “Thank you, Frankie.”
Verlli waited until the Terran disappeared around the side of the van before inspecting the crates. “This is it?”
“You can complain like the others did, but you won’t get any more.”
“Are they covered in fucking Arxur blood?”
“It’s a long story.” It was, and I had already explained it to all the other teams.
He clicked his mandibles. The silence that hung in the air when he picked up the remaining crates reminded me why I was dreading this meeting. Verlli and I never got along before everything, and that wasn’t helped by his strong anti-human sentiment which had gotten even worse after the PD facility. Most of the other exterminators I’d met with so far didn’t entirely appreciate Frankie, which was why he stayed in the truck for our past few encounters. I had a feeling Verlli would be worse.
I walked inside, waiting for Verlli to take the lead. He passed me. “Working with a predator must be stressful.”
There it is. I waved an antenna in response. It wasn’t worth getting into it with him. Not now, not after all the others who’d said similar things, all trying to antagonize me or get a reaction.
We came to a flight of stairs. “Have you heard about Dirlsil?” he asked.
My interest was piqued. “I don’t believe so…?”
“You know General Ticoid? He was in-”
“Dirlsil. I know.”
“He’s likely dead,” he bluntly stated.
My antennae straightened in shock. “W-What? He had access to all the weapons the UN left behind. How?”
“How do you think?”
“I thought he would’ve… I-I don’t know.”
He turned the corner to the next flight of stairs. “We got news of it just a few minutes before you got here. They don’t have the full details, but they were attempting to relocate when his team suddenly went dark. We think most of them were wiped in an ambush.”
“Has anyone else taken charge?”
“We just got the news,” he bitterly remarked.
I lowered my antennae. “W-What about the shelters?”
“No clue. With no proper leadership, I can’t imagine they’re going to be faring better than the bunker the humans were supposed to defend. Not to mention the loss of personnel over the past week due to our wonderful occupiers.”
“It shouldn’t be like this,” I muttered. “It didn’t have to be like this.”
He wiggled his antennae. “You’re right. It all came down to the actions of… a select few people.”
I looked up at him, wondering what was hidden in his tone. I decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. We came up the final steps, and he led me around a few corners until we came into a room overlooking the street. I could see the entrance to Bunker Five further down the road. Mar and Cogal rose from their sitting position once we entered.
I never interacted with them much, but they hadn’t been a part of the few who were forced into the predator disease facility. I never got a terrible impression of them, which left me wondering why they were with Verlli.
Mar, the slightly taller of the two, approached. “The weapons… this is it?”
Verlli flicked his antennae. “That's all Herq could muster.”
“It’s better than one gun and two mags split between the three of us,” Cogal added.
I tried my best to pretend like Verlli wasn’t there. “I think Reno showed you everything you need to know about these…?”
Verlli scoffed, “You mean that Yotul? The diseased primitive that the predators brought with them?”
“I…” My voice faltered. His words were true enough, but they didn’t sit right with me, in part due to his tone, and after everything I learned.
“Thanks, Herq,” Mar finally said, relinquishing me from my encumberment. “It’s a damn good stroke of luck that you happened to be in Dirlsil when the grays came.”
I was all but ready to leave this planet before that, and I wasn’t even the one who thought of the idea of getting them. My own inaction is the only reason I’m here, and what I have done won’t amount to anything.
I swallowed. “Luck. Yeah.”
“You didn’t see anybody while you were gathering them, did you? I heard-”
“No, he was with his predator,” Verlli interrupted. “If there were any others, they would’ve shot the beast like any sensible exterminator.”
“He’s not a beast,” I stated. “He’s done more than anyone could ever ask for.”
“I’m sure you would think that. You’ve been spending an awful lot of time around the predators, haven’t you?”
I glared at him. “An invasion is hardly a good time to make accusations, Verlli. Especially after what happened at the facility.”
“Funny of you to bring that up. You mean how you froze up like a coward?”
I disregarded the comment. “They came with good intentions, just like any of us would.”
“They killed eleven of our people after that anonymous tip was made.”
“I won’t argue about this. I’m tired.”
He pushed it further. “We’re down a quarter of our forces after that happened. These weapons aren’t going to cut it. It doesn’t make up for the situation you forced us into.”
He was absolutely correct, but he shouldn’t have known why. That was something I was supposed to carry alone, yet his voice dripped with blame that settled heavily into my thoughts like concrete. I had to make a conscious effort to keep my voice from quivering. “You have your weapons. If you have nothing else to add, I’ll be on my way.”
He tilted his head up, and I thought that was the end of that. Neither Mar nor Cogal had anything to say, relegating themselves as bystanders to Verlli’s vitriol. I was ready to leave, and was in the doorway before he threw out one final insult.
“I could see it in you from the first day. I don’t know why Poccel ever let you near him.”
My legs anchored themselves on the floor, and I angled my head back. “I watched Poccel die. Don’t you dare say that.”
“And who is to blame for that?”
I felt my heart creep up my throat. “What are you talking about? Many things went wrong that day.”
“We’re all aware… You know he survived an Arxur raid? Long before you were even a thought in anyone’s mind.”
“I am well aware of his accomplishments,” I angrily clicked.
“His experience would’ve been paramount right now. He worked his ass off for all of us. His entire life, career, what he stood for, gone in an instant. You just carry all that weight around? Like it’s nothing?”
I had the unshakable feeling that he was leading me on, but he was doing an excellent job at pissing me off. “What is your problem with me? Across our planet, millions of people are dying. Being herded into cattle ships. Is there really nothing better you can be doing than lob insults?”
“They aren’t insults. You know as well as we do what you did, what you’re still doing by toting yourself around with that predator.”
“Verlli…” Cogal started.
“No,” the exterminator continued. “I know the truth about what this freak did. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, to see if he showed any self-awareness of his actions before sharing, but he's clearly diseased.”
Verlli was taking this further than I ever would’ve liked. I should've just left, but at this point, it was more than personal. “You don't know what you're talking about.”
“It was you who called the humans. That ‘anonymous tip’?” Verlli looked back at Mar and Cogal. “That was him. He's the reason Poccel’s dead; the reason eleven people died by predators’ hands; the reason the rest of us are going to die in this invasion. He thinks he can drop off a few weapons and it will all be better.”
The other two looked taken aback. I struggled to find my own voice. There was no way he could've known that. I only told the humans immediately after the firefight. Ever since I said the words aloud, they kept coming back to me, pounding into my thoughts collectively with all my other mistakes.
Mar twitched her antennae. “Herq?”
I didn't have a response for her, or even myself. I felt dizzy. My only saving redemption was that I could've carried the guilt all on my own without the others knowing, and now it was gone. There was more to it, but they would never see it. They would only see the bodies, just as I did every time my mind wandered.
“He doesn’t even try to deny it,” Verlli clicked, taking a step towards me. “He knows what he did, and he tries to act like a normal person. Like he isn’t diseased.”
“W-We were locking up our own people…” I managed. I glanced back at Mar and Cogal, but they averted their gaze.
“And you should’ve gone down there with them,” Verlli finished. “If our planet weren’t being bombed, I’d put you away myself, along with all the others who sympathize with the predators. You make me sick.”
“You’re… You’re just as scared as Poccel was.”
“I’m not scared of anything. There’s thousands of ships up there, and I’ve all but accepted my chances. You? You’ve hidden yourself away with the vicious beasts because you think they can save you. They see us as plague-bearing pests, which only makes me wonder what you see yourself as. The vest you’re wearing is a mistake, and the rest of you is no better.”
I took a trembling step towards him before I knew what I was doing. “If I die on Sillis, it will be for what I know is right.”
“We’re all going to die here. I’m going to bring down as many monsters as I can before that happens.”
I took another step. We were now face-to-face, my heart hammering. “If you think I’m a monster, I’m right here.”
Verlli hesitated, as if sizing me up. “Do you want to do this? What the fuck do you think is going to happen?”
“You’re just as blind as he was, too.” I stated, my voice strangely calm. “Everything I’ve done has been to avoid fighting. And no matter what I do, people like you always try your best to ruin it. No amount of convincing or proof will ever be good enough for you. You have eyes, but you can’t see what’s right in front of your face.”
“I see a diseased coward.”
“And that’s all you’ll ever see because that’s all you want to see.”
This close to him, I could feel the heat of his rage. “Get the fuck out of this building.”
I finally backed up. “I didn’t need your permission.”
I could feel their gazes on me as I left the room and casually made my way downstairs. The moment I was out of their sight, I heaved an enormous, painful breath that was building inside me. My legs were trembling as I made my way down the rest of the stairs.
I began clawing at my vest. I felt disgusting wearing it, the exterminator insignia a revolting stain on my body. Verlli was right. I didn’t deserve to wear the thing. My entire experience with it had been one mistake after another.
You did nothing before you ever put it on, and after you did, eleven people were killed.
I burst out the fire exit, heading towards the truck while yanking off the thing. I opened the door to the truck, where Frankie was waiting.
“Hey, what-”
I threw myself into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut behind me. I wadded up the vest as best I could with my supplies still in it and tossed it into the back seat without giving a second glance at it. Frankie had a confused look on his face, but didn’t open his mouth.
“Just drive, p-please. I want to get away from this place.”
He nodded and started the engine. I ran through the confrontation over and over in my head, wishing I’d done everything differently. Wishing I just left before it escalated, or that I’d thought of some more clever response, or that Verlli had simply been respectful for once.
It was self-torture at best. Every time I ran it over again, the outcome was always the same. Ripping off my vest. The damn thing never belonged on me to begin with. I hated it. I hated the reflective suits, I hated the smell of gasoline, and I hated how it never amounted to anything. There was always another predator attack, or a sighting, or a drill. And there were always the scared people who expected me to save the day.
I had nothing to offer them. It was always an empty promise that I gave them, something I knew I could never fulfill.
Now the facade was gone for good. Everyone would know what I was. A mistake.
I just wanted to help. To improve the lives of the people around me. Formi knows that’s all I ever wanted.
“That Verlli guy is a massive prick,” Frankie abruptly said. “I reckon he said some proper nonsense.”
My breathing hitched at Frankie’s sudden voice. His gaze hadn’t left the road, and his expression didn’t betray anything unusual. “Y-You knew…?” I managed.
“I knew he recognized me the moment I saw him. Spineless mongrel.”
I ran my feelers over my antennae over and over. I felt like huddling in a corner and falling asleep forever. I didn’t belong anywhere with anyone.
Suddenly there was a warmth on my chitin. “You’re one of the best people I know, Herq.”
I almost pulled away from the touch. “W-What?”
“I mean it,” the human stated. “I don’t know what happened back there, but I honestly don’t care. You’ve already done more than anyone could ask of you, and you’re still doin’ it.”
He withdrew his hand, leaving a sudden coldness where it was.
I had no idea what to say. Or what to think, even. My own people thought I was a diseased monster, while a predator—one of the same my government opted to bomb to extinction—thought I was a good person.
A wave of nausea rolled through me like a harsh stormfront. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything—everything—is wrong.”
“Are you trying?”
My body didn’t want to respond. My mandibles refused to move and my feelers were plastered to my antennae. I took control of what little I could and awkwardly bobbed my head forward and back in a bizarre motion.
He returned the gesture. “So am I. Can’t ask much more from me, I reckon.”
I sucked in a shaky breath of air. I gradually, laboriously withdrew my feelers from my antennae. They still felt like bricks on my head.
“Sky’s getting lighter, perfect time for a nap once we get back,” Frankie remarked. He faced me, eyes tired yet still so full. “How’s that sound?”
“It… It sounds good.”
—
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Thanks to u/WCR_706 for proofreading. And, of course, thanks to SpacePaladin15 for the wonderful universe.

Armageddon Eve Written By Jensen Remmer-Riley
[Street] The TARDIS lands and the doctor walks out with Ruby. Ruby : We’re back on earth. I can visit my mother again. Doctor : (Sniffs the air) This is London. Ruby : (Crossing her arms) You can tell where we are by sniffing the air. Doctor, you are truly mad. Doctor : (Walking to a lady coming out of her house) It’s my power. Ruby : Doctor, what are you doing? Doctor : (In front of the Lady) Sorry mamme, What is the date today? Clarissa : (Takes out her earpods) What did you say sir? Doctor : What date is it today? Clarissa : 29th April 2025. She puts her earphone back in and starts jogging . The doctor goes back to Ruby. Doctor : We are in the right place at the right time. Ruby : (Hugs the doctor) Thank you so much, I’m going to see my mum! (Slowly, stop hugging the doctor ) But… Can you give me a lift? Doctor : I won’t guarantee a return to where and when we are now but you could take the bus. Ruby : It’s fine doctor, I could just take the bus or tube back home, I am in London after all. Doctor : Great, I’ll see you later then. Ruby : Goodbye doctor. Ruby walks towards the station while the doctor goes to the TARDIS, suddenly, the earth shakes violently, the doctor falls to the ground. Doctor : What the hell is happening? The shot then slowly goes down deeper into the earth, showing a massive hole, a base underneath.
[Base]
Dalek 1 : Our plan is ready for action. Going towards the big hole in the middle. Dalek 2 : The D-Bomb is ready to explode. Terag : (Standing below a big object) What is my job now master. Emperor : (Deep and Slow) Evacuate the humans! Terag : But what would we do with them master? Emperor : Three choices. Kill! Abandon! Convert! Terag : Convert. Emperor : Now set up the plan with the supreme dalek! Terag : On it master. He walks away to the supreme dalek. Emperor: (Looks at the camera) Our plan shall begin!
[Title Sequence]
[Street]
Doctor : What the hell is happening? The doctor gets up and opens the TARDIS door and goes inside.
[TARDIS]
Doctor : (Speaking to the console) TARDIS. There is something wrong, why is the earth shaking violently? (TARDIS makes a noise, the doctor sits down) Earthquake? Are you completely sure? (Makes another noise) Your detecting activity, like what? (Makes another noise) You’ve detected drilling. Drilling for what? (Makes another noise) You don’t know, well then, I’ll have to find out what is causing this ruckus. (Stands up and pulls a lever, the TARDIS starts to dematerialise) Time to find out what’s happening! (The TARDIS lands with a tremendous force, flinging the doctor back) Woah. (Stands up) Time to explore. (The doctor leaves the TARDIS, this time, everything was foggy, the trees were dead and all the houses were destroyed, no sight of humans, it was entirely empty. Suddenly, a cloaked figure appeared from the foggy area. ????? : You’ve seen what you shouldn’t have. Doctor : Who are you? ????? : (Shakes his head) I’m the survivor. Doctor : The survivor of what? ????? : You shall not be told what is not meant to be told. Doctor : Tell me. ????? : You will figure out when the time comes, doctor. Doctor : How do you know my name!? ????? : You’ll figure it out. Doctor : I think I should leave. ????? : The doctor runs away For once he will never stay A lord from Gallifrey For he will find a way. The doctor stumbles into the TARDIS, dematerialising immediately, leaving the cloaked figure behind. ????? : I’m the last of lords, for the doctor will die in Twenty four hours.
[Ruby’s House]
The door opens, ruby goes inside. Ruby : mum! I’m home! Carla runs out of the kitchen. Carla : (Crying) Ruby! Ruby : (Crying) It’s nice to see you again. Carla kisses Ruby on the head. Carla : I thought you were gone forever. Ruby : Luckily I'm here. Carla : I’m glad you’re here now. Is the doctor with you? Ruby : No, why? Carla : Look at the ceiling. They both look at the ceiling, cracked through the entire house. Ruby : What happened to the ceiling? Carla : Everything is shaking, have you experienced it yet? Ruby : Yes. The earth randomly shook, luckily i didn’t fall. Carla : Don’t tell me you’re going to leave? Ruby : I’ll stay. Where’s Nanny? Carla : Sleeping. Do you want to see her? Ruby : I’d love to. They both walk to Cherry’s room.
[Cherry’s Room]
Carla knocks on the open door, symbolizing her presence. Cherry wakes up. Cherry : I said don’t wake me up! (Looks at Ruby) Oh! My sweet child is here! Ruby runs up to Cherry and hugs her tightly. not too tight my dear, I'm a frail lady. Ruby : I’ll never leave your side again. Carla : Does that mean you're staying here? Ruby : (Turns to Carla) I’ll think about it. Cherry : She stayin’?! Carla : She said she’s thinking about it. Cherry : Good, good. Now! Where’s my bloody cuppa tea!? Carla : You were asleep mum! Cherry : But I told you to make me tea when I woke up. Ruby : (Stands up) I’ll do it for you. Carla : Nope, I’ll be doing it, you just came back, you ain’t doing any work today. Carla walks out of the room, Ruby following along. Cherry : Ah ah, you ain’t leaving. Ruby stops and goes back to her grandmother. Ruby : What do you want now? Cherry : Tell me about the man…. The doctor. Ruby : I’ll tell you a story. Cherry :Don’t make it too long, I might go back to sleep. Ruby : Fine. Once upon a time. Cherry is asleep, snoring. Ruby : Nanny! Cherry wakes up suddenly. Cherry : Sorry, old woman weakness. Ruby : Once upon a time, we found a planet named Xanth. It fades into a planet.
[Xanth]
Ruby : (The Tardis flies past) The Tardis was flying at a tremendous rate, we didn’t know where we were going, it was fate all around us. Cherry : Get to the good parts. Ruby : We found a shipwreck, (Picture of a shipwreck) it was new, no dust, sand drowning the ship in its entirety. We didn’t go inside, the doctor seemed frightened, tried to go back to the Tardis but it left. Cherry : Sounds interesting. Ruby : We were stranded. Cherry : I was stranded on the streets once. I tried to run away from home. Ha! Ruby : Nice one, next. We met with a person called Trabesius. (Trabesius appears)He was a nice guy, he checked the shipwreck for us, but he never came out. The only thing that came out were the daleks. (The daleks rush out of the spaceship.) Dalek 1 : Exterminate! Cherry : What are daleks, aliens? Don’t tell me. Ruby : And then… I don’t remember what happened, it was like my memory was erased. There was one thing I do remember, waking up in someone’s arms.
[flashback]
Ruby wakes up. Doctor : Don’t worry, you're safe with me.
[Cherry’s bedroom]
Cherry : These stories are mad. Why is he called the doctor when he isn’t a doctor? Ruby : A pseudonym. Carla comes into the room with tea. Carla : I have tea. Cherry : Here comes the party pooper. Carla : I’m fun. Cherry : Say that to a shopping trip with a hundred vouchers, that’s fun for you. Carla : Do you want tea or not? Cherry : If you don’t give me my tea I'll personally give you my own whooping. (Cherry starts laughing) Just kidding, now give me my tea. Carla hands her the tea. Cherry : Thank you child. Carla : Remember, I am fun. Cherry : Sorry, I have dementia. (Laughs) Ruby : Stop trying to be a jokester. Cherry : It’s fun. Ruby : Should I leave, you need to drink your tea. Cherry takes a sip. Cherry : Child! How many sugars did you put in my tea!? Carla : (From the kitchen) Two! Cherry : I always have three! God! Now you have dementia! Ruby : Nanny! Cherry : Sorry child. Ruby leaves the room, Carla walking into the room with a sugar cube, throws it at cherry. Carla : You're putting it in yourself. Cherry : I was going to do it myself. (Kisses her teeth)
[Kitchen]
Open the fridge. Ruby : What should I have today, haven’t eaten anything today, i’m starving? Carla : Ruby! We have shopping coming later, there’s nothing in the fridge to eat! Ruby : Ok! Close the fridge. Suddenly, the earth shakes again. Cherry : Oi! If that happens again, I'm giving the earth a spanking! Ruby : Something’s wrong.
[TARDIS]
Doctor : Something’s wrong. The doctor is sitting in a chair in the Tardis, reading a book. Doctor : A manual on how to operate a dalek, I wonder where I got this from, probably Davros. The doctor throws the book away Doctor : I need something better, how about ‘A Time Lords Tale’? (Flips to the first page.) Tale one, Seven Sisters. The best story ever. Chloe, Alice, Mary, Charlotte, Rosemary, Lizzie and Jeanne, the seven sisters of jealousy. I remember the story, one of my favorites. One sister tries to end the other because they have a better life than the other. (The doctor closes the book and throws it away) Do I have a TV in here? I do have Tardis recalls from previous adventures, I should have a look at that. (The screen suddenly appears and showcases an adventure) What adventure is this?
[Jungle]
Ghaar : Everybody run! The jungle is on fire! (Everyone starts screaming.) Dalek 1 : Inferno! Set fire to the jungle! Ghaar : They’re here! The daleks are here! The scene stops.
[Tardis]
Doctor : The Karetin tribe in the jungle of fire, that’s what I called that adventure. Ah, my memories flood every time I see or hear about my legacy. (Turns to the console) Where are we going next? (Tardis makes a noise) You don’t know, that’s your best response.
[Base]
Emperor : Daleks! Sterilize the bomb! Dalek 3 : Already on it emperor. Emperor : Complete the plan! Terag : Why do we need a bomb in the first place? Emperor : This is our second objective! If we fail our first, this is our final resort! Terag : What is the first objective master? Emperor : I shall not tell you, you haven’t earned my trust completely. Terag : I will get the spaceships ready. Emperor : Do not transport the humans! They will be our pets! Terag : What!? You can’t possibly do that! Emperor : Don’t question our Stratagem! Our subordinates shall be our pets! Terag : But I am a human. Emperor : No you are not! You come from the planet Zeos! Terag : We still call our people humans. Emperor : We target the people on Earth! We saved you! Now you shall help us! Terag : I guess, but I still don’t agree with the plan. Dalek 2 : If you don’t agree, we will send you to the dalek camp. Terag : But you are going to enslave and kill billions. Dalek 2 : No point in fighting against us, our power is greater and stronger, we can execute you before you even speak. Terag : Take me to the dalek camp then, I don’t like this plan and I don’t like the daleks. Emperor : This is a mockery of the dalek race! Our humans must be brainwashed into agreeing with this plan! Dalek 4 : We take our orders from you master. We only serve to exterminate, destroy and punish! We were never told to brainwash them master. Emperor : Shut up!
[Dalek Camp]
Dalek 2 pushes Terag into the camp. Terag : What am I going to do here? Dalek 2 : Look to your right! (Terag looks to the right) You must drag this test dalek to the testing room, you will be tied to the dalek. Terag : Fine. The Dalek holds a rope with his plunger. Dalek 2 : Tie this to the dalek. Terag ties the rope around The Dalek and tightens it upon himself. Terag : Where is the testing room? Dalek 2 : Forward, take a left, take two rights and a left and straight forward. I will follow you to see your progress, any stopping or breaks will result in punishment. Terag : But they are heavy. Dalek 2 : We don’t care. We will motivate you with zaps. Terag : (Gets zapped) Ah! Ok! I’m on it! Terag starts trying to drag the Dalek but he manages to move it a couple of inches before stopping. After that, he got zapped. Dalek 2 : Get back to work! Terag : Fine! This is worse than hell I tell you! This is worse than hell!
[Cherry’s Room]
Cherry : After 30 minutes, I’ve completed my bloody tea. Carla : Finally, I’m not making you another one. Cherry : But I want one. Carla : You aren’t getting any. Ruby goes into the room. Ruby : Mum, how many babies have you fostered since I left, the fridge seems full because of the pictures you have. Carla : I’ve fostered 17. Some for days, some for months but never a year. My favorite was Jamie Hark, an intelligent child he was. Cherry : When she says that, he could recite the ABC’s without making a mistake. Carla : Mum, shush. He could do math problems I couldn’t do. Cherry : I’ve never heard someone say they couldn’t do 1+1. Cherry starts laughing with Ruby, Carla doesn’t get what’s happening. Carla : How do you guys have such a good sense of humor? I’m not funny one bit and you crack jokes any time you get. Cherry : It’s because I have an old woman humor. Carla : (Laughing) Makes sense. Ruby : This is the best family reunion ever. Carla : Shopping will be here any moment, look after gran while I wait. Ruby : But I’m going to meet up with some friends Carla : But you just got here, I want to see more of you. Ruby : Please? Carla : Ok, you can go out with your friends, I’ll stay with gran. Ruby : Alright, see ya later nan and mum. Both : Bye! Ruby leaves the house.
[Streets]
Ruby walks out of the home, she walks to the left. Ruby : Morning Mrs Flood. Mrs Flood : Morning Ruby, nice to see you again.
[Bar]
Bartholomew : What do you want today Ruby? Ruby : I want a glass of red wine. Bartholomew : (Wiping the tables) Ok, what do your friends want? Trudy : I’ll have Beer. Girl 1 : I’ll have beer too. Girl 2 : I’ll have gin. Bartholomew : That will be £54. Trudy : That’s on me. (Brings out her card and pays for the drinks) Rubes, it’s your first time I've seen you since forever, I don’t want you to pay for your drinks. Ruby and her friends sit down at a table and start chatting away. Trudy : So… How’s life been? Ruby : Amazing, I saw some stuff with my new friend. Trudy : Like? Ruby : I can’t say. It's complicated. Girl 1 : You’ve been gone for so long. Girl 2 : Yeah Ruby, you haven’t spent any time with us since christmas eve. Ruby : It's complicated Suddenly, the earth shakes again. Trudy : Not again. It’s been happening for days, it’s really not funny anymore. The TV in the bar suddenly goes static and a voice can be heard.
[Base] Emperor : You all will be exterminated! All humans on earth beware of the force that is awaiting! For you will all feel the wrath of the daleks! The TV turns off.
[Bar]
Ruby : It can’t be. Trudy : What? What is it? Ruby : I’ve faced them before. Trudy : Faced what? Ruby : The daleks.
[Base] Emperor : Daleks! The plan is in place! All humans will be annihilated!
[bar]
Trudy : What are the daleks? Ruby : a race of death, ultimate destruction. Trudy : What a bunch of nonsense. Barista : I have your drinks, one gin, one wine and two beers. The barista puts the drinks on the table. Ruby : Thank you. Trudy : Thank you. Girl 1 and 2 : Thank you. Barista walks away.
[Dystopian Earth]
????? : I can sense it. The end has begun.
[Tardis]
The doctor suddenly wakes up. Doctor : Did I just say something? Was it my mind? (Stands up from the chair) What should I do next? I've already slept because of constant boredom. Look at space. (The doctor walks to the door and opens it, revealing himself on earth.) Since when was I here? I never landed. (The doctor walks out of the Tardis)
[Streets]
Doctor : Earth, is it still 29th April 2025? The Tardis makes a noise. Doctor : It is. Lovely. The doctor walks away.
[Outside the bar]
Trudy : This is where we leave. Goodbye Rubes, hope to see you again later. Ruby : See you all next week. Ruby starts walking away from Trudy and her other friends.
[Dalek Camp]
Dalek 2 : Have you completed your task!? Terag : Why are all of these people here? Dalek 2 : Because we need our slaves. Terag : I agree with the plan. Dalek 2 : I do not believe you. Get back to work! Terag still drags the Dalek through the cave. Dalek 2 : (Goes to another slave) Go to the emperor and beg for his forgiveness, he shall hear your scream for forgiveness! Slave goes towards the base.
[Base]
Leo : (Crying) I beg for forgiveness. Please, I don’t want to suffer anymore in the hands of the daleks. Emperor : You shall scream until your lungs and voice cannot take your screams anymore! Leo : (Crying) Please don’t do this to me? I was the survivor on Drandreggora! You killed my people in a conquest of Xanxium! You destroyed our entire race and kept us as puppets! Emperor : Beg! Leo : I beg! Please! Just let me go! I’ll bring you the seer. Kurt can help you! Emperor : Scanning. (Beam rays from its stalk) The prisoner tells the truth, you must bring your prophet over to us immediately! Leo : You aren’t using him. Emperor : You will face extermination if you do not comply! Leo : I don’t know where Kurt is now, you’d have to release me for me to find him. Emperor : We are not letting you escape, we will call Kurt down to the base. Leo : What? No. Emperor : Don’t argue with me! Daleks! Call Kurt! Leo : There’s many Kurt’s in London. Emperor : Last name chan. Leo : How did you know!? Dalek 1 : You don’t know anyone in London, in our records, Kurt Chan was one of the people who were on Drandreggora who escaped and fled. Dalek 4 : Hypnotic call progressing… Now. A wave of energy goes around the direction where Kurt is.
[Streets]
Kurt is walking along the streets, in a purple cloak and suddenly he stops. Dalek 4 : Come to us Kurt Chan. Kurt : Yes master. Kurt walks like a robot, eyes wide open and goes towards the dalek base.
[Base]
Dalek 4 : Emperor! Kurt Chan is coming. Emperor : We shall wait for his arrival! Start contacting Skaro! We need more daleks! Dalek 4 : On it. The dalek puts its plunger on the controls.
[Skaro]
Dalek 5 : We have gotten a message from planet earth. Supreme : What does the message say? Dalek 5 : Invasion fleet. Supreme : We need to send daleks to earth for the invasion. Dalek 6 : Bring the special weapons dalek for the invasion. He is well equipped. Supreme : Bring the special weapons dalek to spaceship One. Dalek 5 : How many spaceships will be launched? Supreme : 7 spaceships will be launched for each of the continents . Dalek 6 : We will get the spaceships ready for launch. Supreme : I will stay here and give you orders. Dalek 6 : We take all of our orders from the superior. Emperor dalek.
[Base]
Emperor : Keep track of Kurt! Make sure that he comes to the right place. Dalek 4 : He is near the base. Approximately 6 minutes. Emperor : Have you gotten any note from Skaro? Dalek 4 : Not yet. A message pops up. Dalek 4 : A message has just been sent from the supreme dalek. It says "We are getting ready for the invasion.” Emperor : The invasion takes place tomorrow! Today is The Eve of Armageddon, no one will expect us to come. Dalek 4 : Didn’t you just send a message to the earth via all televisions? Emperor : They won’t believe the message, it is a joke to the humans. Leo : They think everything is a joke. Emperor : Speaking is prohibited! Leo : Ok. Emperor : What did I just say!? Leo : Speaking is prohibited. Emperor : Exactly, now shut up! Leo stays quiet as he looks down to the ground. Emperor : Go back to the dalek camp! Dalek 1 and 3 plunge Leo's back as they drag him towards the Dalek camp.
[Ruby’s House]
Ruby comes back from the bar and slowly closes the door, not wanting to awake Carla and Cherry but she didn’t notice something behind her as she closed the door. Doctor : Hello Ruby. Ruby turns around to see the doctor. Ruby : What are you doing here? Doctor : Something’s wrong. Ruby : I know. Doctor : I saw dystopian earth, something bad is happening here. Ruby : You weren’t here to see the TV’s. A message from the daleks appeared: they're coming for earth. Doctor : Are you sure? Ruby : Yes. Doctor : Are you lying to me? Ruby : No. Doctor : I believe you, but I don't know what to do. Ruby : Where are you going to sleep? Doctor : Idk. Ruby : I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight, you can sleep in my bed. Doctor : No, I'll sleep on your sofa, you can sleep in your bed. Ruby : That’s ok to me.
[Base]
Kurt walks in. Kurt : You called. Emperor : You are a seer! Tell us the future. What will happen when we invade and enslave earth!? Kurt : I will have to look through my inner eye first if you want to find out what will happen in the future my lord . (Suddenly, he makes a weird noise) The earth will die in the hands of the daleks. One survivor will live in the aftermath. His name is unknown. Our earth will be dystopian for years to come. Emperor : You will tell me more when the events unfold. Kurt : Where will I go tonight? Emperor : You will be kept in the dalek prison! Kurt : Why? Emperor : You are my puppet! Do as I say! Kurt : Why? Emperor : Daleks! Set the power to maximum! The power turns up and Kurt starts to shake… then stops. Kurt : I serve for the dalek emperor. Emperor : Go to your cell! The daleks will escort you! The daleks escort Kurt out of the room to his cell.
[Cell]
The cell door opens Dalek 2 : Get inside. Kurt walks inside of the cell and the door closes behind him, locking itself. Dalek 3 : May the power of hypnotic energy compel you. Kurt : (Stumbles) Where am I? (Look at the daleks) The daleks! (Falls into the cell bed) You were in Drandreggora and now you are on earth! I thought I escaped the wrath of the daleks! Who ratted on me!? Dalek 3 : Leo Walkstomnere. Kurt : Leo! Oh I'll kill you! (Goes to the bars and rattles them) I’ll kill you! I’ll get my revenge!
[Base]
Leo : Have I got your forgiveness? Am I allowed to be free? Emperor : Ratting on someone of your own species isn’t forgivable. Leo : Please! I gave you the seer, the best thing that you could ever have. Emperor : We conquested Drandreggora for the Time Bomb. I heard that it might be on earth. Leo : Someone might have it, I'm not sure. Emperor : We will conquest earth for the time bomb. Leo : What even is the time bomb? Emperor : It can bomb history itself, we can destroy planets and people with our bomb, it can transform from one form to another. Leo : Are you mad?! Emperor : No! We want to be the only race in the universe! Leo : Kill me if you want to start your invasion! Emperor : Daleks! Exterminate him! The Daleks get in formation. Emperor : Exterminate! Daleks : Exterminate! Exterminate! They blast Leo to death, he falls to the ground.
[Ruby's House]
Ruby : Here is your cup of tea with 2 sugars, just how you like it. Hands is to The Doctor Doctor : Thank you Ruby. (Takes a sip) Delicious. Ruby : Thanks. Doctor : So, the dalek situation, does no one take it seriously? Ruby : Yes. If they knew their world was ending, we’d be in a purge. Doctor : We should warn you. Ruby : No, you’ll sound like a mad person saying the world is ending. (Sitting down) What made you come back? Doctor : The Tardis took me to dystopian earth, a cloaked figure warned me that I’ve seen what I shouldn’t have, I think that daleks will destroy earth and I have to see the future of the earth. Ruby : Are you sure, you don’t even know what year it was? Doctor : True. The doctor takes another sip of tea. Ruby : We need to stop the daleks. Doctor : But I don’t know how.
[Skaro]
Dalek 5 : Special weapons dalek. Get on the ship. The special weapons dalek goes up the steep slope. Dalek 5 : Supreme dalek! Where are the rest of the daleks. Supreme : They are on their way. Dalek 5 : They should already be here. Supreme : Do not question me. Dalek 5 : I did not question you. 4 Daleks go over to the ship Dalek 7 : We are here. We will pilot the ship. Dalek 5 : Get inside the ship. The 4 Daleks go inside of the ship. Dalek 5 : It is time for the invasion.
[Base]
Emperor : When will my transferral begin? Dalek 1 : Do not get ahead of yourself. Emperor : I will become the King of The Daleks. Davros The Second I will be. Dalek 1 : You will be the dalek king. Emperor : And I will rule over earth. Dalek 3 : Emperor! The message of the Television is making headlines.
[TV]
Trinity : Good evening everyone. Tonight while we were at home, work, partying or whatever we were doing was interrupted today by the televisions in what place. A recording by a local in Whitechapel has recorded the event. According to the video, the people with the pseudonyms of daleks have taken over the Televisions. We will all be exterminated, the biggest joke of the internet today. Our race will die, what a lie said by the hackers and jokesters. We are currently tracking the message to see where it came from. This is the Trinity Wells Show and this is Trinity Wells. Good evening everyone.
[Base]
Emperor : People think this is a joke. They should take this seriously! We are not to be played or messed around with! Exterminate the humans at once! Dalek 2 : This is good news emperor. Emperor : Why?! Dalek 2 : They don’t believe us, they will not do anything to retaliate or do anything but when we attack, it will be too late for the humans. Emperor : Good work dalek. We shall strike!
[Cell]
Kurt : Time is changing for the best For The daleks will get eternal rest Not for long as they will come back, always If the doctor doesn’t arrive, none of us survive. (He goes out of his trance) Luckily they didn’t hear that.
[Base]
Emperor : Our invasion begins with my transferral. Dalek 1 : The casing is ready. The plan is to wait until midnight. Dalek 3 : Wait until the morning, where there will be loads of people on the street who will see you rise. Emperor : Great plan. Wait for the morning.
[Ruby’s house]
Ruby : I’m off to bed, good night doctor. Doctor : Goodnight too. They both go to their separate rooms, the lights turning off as they go in.
[House]
Woman : Goodnight Ben. Ben (Child) : Night mum. She turns off the lamp and leaves the ro but before closing the door, she stands there. Woman : (Closing the door) Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs night. The door closes, Ben going to sleep. ????? (Voice) : The whole world went dark. The next morning was the beginning of a nightmare and no one knew. The time when the doctor couldn’t save the world.
(Morning)
[Base]
Dalek 2 : We are ready emperor. The morning is here, the invasion of earth shall begin. Emperor : My transferral will take hours. Dalek 1 : The afternoon it will be by the time the Dalek transferral ends. Emperor : Then we shall begin the dalek transferral! Dalek 1 : Open the casing. The casing opens from the head.The slimy tentacles of the dalek slops out of the casing.
[Ruby’s house]
Ruby : Good morning, I’ve made you a cup of tea for the morning. Doctor : (In bed) Good morning Ruby. (Take a cup of tea) Thank you. Carla : (Walks in) Morning Ruby. Who are you talking to? (Looks at the doctor) What’s he doing here? Doctor : I’m just staying for the night, I'll be gone soon. Carla : Great, I can’t have another person in this house. Even the cracks in the ceiling can’t stand this . doctor : What crack? Carla : The shakes of the earth have cracked the ceiling just like christmas eve.
[St Bartholomew’s Church]
Priest : We need to activate the bell, the day of the Daleks is here, the massacre of 30th April 2025 begins today, they weren’t hackers, they are actual creatures. Arthur : Are you sure? How do you know they weren’t hackers? Priest : Why is the earth shaking? Something shady is going on. Reports of the shaking range from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, this is no coincidence if every country in the world is experiencing it. It’s coming from the middle of the earth, underneath, where were the daleks in the video? A cave. They have built an underground base and they are doing something. Arthur : You’ve proven your point, ring the bell. The priest goes to the rope. Priest : Are you ready? Arthur : Yes. If you insist. The priest that’s on the rope and the bell makes a loud noise.
[Ruby’s House]
Carla : Do you hear that? Doctor : Hear what? Carla : Listen. The bell rings. Doctor : A bell. Ruby : (Walks in) I’ve never heard the bell before in my life. Why is it ringing now? Doctor : It’s the Bell of Death. Carla : What should we do? Everything is silent.
[St Bartholomew’s church]
The shot of the bell is seen sideways as the bell rings.
[End of Episode]
[Next Episode - The Five Bells of St Bartholomew’s Church]

u/twotonecode is making some great Noname memes.
It got me thinking of funny marketing slogans for PC Brand products. Sort of an "if ads told the truth."
PC Towels: Try our fleece while we fleece you.
PC Sausage: Ingredients as mysterious as our financials.
PC Wet Wipes: For wiping that shit eating grin off our greedy faces.
PC Condoms: Because with our prices you can't afford kids.
President's Choice Toilet Paper: From our asshole to yours (Galen Weston image holding a pack).
PC Fertilizer: Made with 100 percent pure Charlebois Bullshit.
PC Cannabis: Guaranteed to get you as high as our prices.
PC Bread: We've fixed it!
Feel free to add yours :)

HI, once again, idea bug bit me while working, as always i couldnt focus on the task at hand with it buzzing arund in my head, so i decided to write it down, hope you enjoy this little oneshot.
Memory Transcription Subject: Selma, concerned venlil mother
Date [standardized human time] August 5, 2138
“Well, where to begin, my name is Selma, i'm a happy wife with one pup, although she is all grown i still can't look at her as anything than my little one, i live in a little town very close to the darkside, we pride ourselves in a wool tight community and our export of wine that we make using the very peculiar fruits that grow there, you see, unlike most other places here in venli- i mean Skalga, Solgalicks eye loses us, or how the youth call it now a days, Night’s, peculiar word that i've been told come from our neighbor pred- sorry, humans.
I’ve grown my whole life there, only going inland to the big cities a couple of times to accompany my father for some business or on vacations, it wasnt that pleasant…
I found that the thing that bothered me the most was the ever present sun, look, my father was a devout follower of Solgalick, but even he found it hard to deal with the ever present sun, the constant light, its vexing to us, sure it doesn't help that we tend to grow our coats to an impressive degree, causing us to overheat easily, but still, it really was difficult sleeping like that.
I mean, yhea, we don't get nights every paw, but they are more common than not, and it's lovely to look at the stars whenever you need, oh the stars, i still remember my first date with my husband, he prepared a whole picnic on a hill, i could count all of the little shining dots in the sky, i knew i could never leave that man alone after that paw…
Sorry sorry, I got side tracked. What I mean is that our town is special, not something you see everypaw, and sure, there's some bumps here and there, especially when it comes to dealing with outsiders.
You see, they don't get the charm of our town, the good and beautiful things, no, they focus on the… risks. Since its so close to the dark side, the fear what's over the mountains, and sure, we do have more predator sightings in a couple of paws than the average venlil will see in their life, but they tend to keep to themselves, and if they don't, that what exterminators are for.
And we used to pride ourselves in that, our precinct used to be the talk of legends! It was tightly run, efficient and most importantly kind.
They were a part of the community, garnering respect, but they also helped where they could, they weren't pompous or egotistical, and they kept everyone safe as best they could, but…
That changed after the humans came around, first, with all the panic that ensued, most of the precinct needed to go inland, so they could bolster the forces on the more populated cities that had a new predator influx.
You would expect they would come back after the whole thing got smoothed over, and we saw that our new neighbors weren't here to harm us, but thanks to Tarvas deregulation and defunding of exterminators, the precinct lost a lot.
And worse, some branches of the main city's started using our precinct as punishment! Can you believe that?!
They started sending us the exterminators that stepped out of line, which quickly became a problem. Instead of them being part of the community, they harassed it, speh! one of them even accused me, ME! of predator disease because i wasn't scared of a shadestalker pup, as if i hadn't seen them all my life, i tried telling him that just burning the pup would cause the mother to go searching for it, increasing the likelihood of it wandering into town, endangering us!
I can't with those damn pompous city folk that think they know everything! … excuse my language.
That really put our town in a rough spot, some folk even leaving for another better home since they couldn't deal with the constant threats of rehabilitation whenever we acted as we always had, that is why, when the elections came, we thought Veln would at least roll back the changes to exterminators… I see now it was just wishful thinking for things to go back as they used to be.
Nothing really changed that quickly, which was frustrating, causing a couple of us to lash out, and it appears that it finally reached someone's ears, Probably from complaints of the exterminators to their main branches…
But thanks to that, the ones in charge sent some reinforcements so as to bolster their numbers, funnily enough, the sent a pre- human exterminator.
I didn't know they existed, my daughter assured me that humans had a strictly anti-exterminator sentiment, according to her bleats or whatever that social media app is, so it was for sure a surprise.
We were hesitant at first, i mean who wouldn't be, we wanted the old precinct back, not for them to give us all their troublemakers, and we were sure this one was just the same, but we were wrong, Ingrid was a delight.
She didn't act like her coworkers, she was kind and compassionate, even when our reception was rather cold, and a very distinct difference from her coworkers, she wanted to be part of the community!
I still remember on one of her first paws she went around, asking anyone who would speak to her what the customs of the town were, tradition's, schedule's and such.
Stars, she even knocked on my door to ask. I'm regretful that at the time I acted rather rude, shooting down the notion that she would ever be part of our nice community, rather unbecoming of someone like me…
But not my daughter, I'm not sure what was going on between those ears, but she jumped at the opportunity of telling the human all she knew. Maybe she was feeling trapped in the little town, i'm not sure, but what i'm sure of is that they were both grateful for each other's company.
They soon became friends, my daughter was a whole ball of excitement whenever she got to interact with Ingrid, which definitely melted my heart, allowing me to come around and view ingrid in a new light, something my husband took more time to come around to, but he did eventually.
In turn, Ingrid benefited from the interactions greatly, as she learned all she needed to know of how to act around here, and brahk did she do wonderful! excuse my language.
She became the go to exterminator for every issue, a shadestalker pup sighting? ask for ingrid. some weird sounds when it got dark? ask for ingrid. Want a predator dealt with without them burning down your crops? ask for Ingrid. speh, need help carrying some heavy stuff or with a piece of machinery?! ask for ingrid.
It was lovely, it was slowly feeling like the exterminators were a part of the community again… well, one was, the others were more than happy to let ingrid do everything while they lazed around, but unluckily for them, their comfort was about to end.
Apparently Ingrid got word around to other humans about this lovely town, our town, and they were delighted about it. We soon got our second human exterminator, then our third, then we got our first human resident, just happy to live here, soon our town had not only grown back to its original size, but even grew a bit more!
We were happy to build a couple houses to accommodate the new residents, it was a lovely communal project that bonded us further, us older venlil that were stuck in our ways managed to finally come around and interact more openly with humans, which lead to a variety of interesting conversations and interactions.
I found out in a chat with my neighbor when he was teaching me knitting that the general reason a lot of humanas were charmed by this town was not only the nice community, but the fact that it actually had nights and days, helping them feel more rested or something. How funny that we shared a love for the dark.
They were affected more by the colder weather, but some even enjoyed that, although they did need to cover up a lot to not get ill, when i first saw one of them getting a fever i understood why they wore pelts, they really need them, but i was happy to put my new learned skill of knitting to help them over come that. I was gladly surprised to find out that our left over wool from grooming could be such a useful resource.
Anyways, getting back on track, most of the disliked exterminators left, the ones who stayed started acting more like the human ones, our town soon became what it once was and yet it was slightly different, good, but different.
Which led me to this paw’s talk. You see, I know I'm an older woman, I have my way of looking at things, but this whole experience has opened my eyes that change isn't necessarily bad, it just depends on what changes.
You see, my little pup grew really close to Ingrid, and now that Ingrid's workload has substantially decreased, well, they’ve been spending more and more time together. I am not a fool, and I could see the look on my little one’s eyes was identical to the one I had for her father after that first date.
I was not sure if Ingrid had recognised it, But i did recognise a change in behavior in her as well. I thought for a moment that maybe she was uncomfortable with it, but when I asked around to other humans about the change in behavior they all said that it was clear it was a mad crush.
I talked to my husband, and he was for sure more hesitant than me, but we both agreed that if there was something going on, we would like to know, at the very least, but…
Well, to put it bluntly, we are scared, we want to be accepting of her and her decisions, who she chooses as a mate is her choice, but there's still that little hurdle of knowing your little one is dating a pr- human.
But what hurts the most is that she hasn't even touched the subject with us, we are scared that she is scared of telling us, we want her to trust us, we are a community based on trust, that starts at family first, and i can't stomach my little one feeling like she cant talk to her mom.
So I wanted to ask you what you think would be the best way to approach the issue, and how we could communicate our worries as parents without sounding like raging bigots.
I know its a lot to manage, but my kind neighbor recommended that this would be great for this kind of fear as well as going forward for me. He gave me your card. I won't lie, I was hesitant to come at first… N-not because i was scared, just… i was ashamed of not knowing what to do, you always hear how a mother should have it all figured out…”
I sink a little bit into the soft couch, my face blooming in shame at failing as a mother, but the therapist cleared their throat to get my attention as they began to speak.
“Don't worry miss Selma, the fear of failing one as dear as a child is a common one, first, i'd like to see if i can help you understand your daughter's perspective, maybe that will help smooth the conversation you want to have with her…

First Previous Next
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Set in the universe created by u/SpacePaladin15
MASSIVE THANK YOU, LIKE SERIOUSLY HUGE THANKS to u/weithbec (this chapter would not be nearly as good if not for your help) and additional thanks to u/Liberty-Prime76 for further proofing on top of Weith's monumental efforts
As always, some appreciation to u/brotanics, u/LeWombat545, and u/JimDandy117 for the art they have done for this little story of mine. It means the world to me to see my characters brought to life. Links to their work at the bottom of the chapter.
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Memory transcription subject: Jack Carver, Human Trail Guide
Date [standardized human time]: August 17, 2137
Following the tracks left by Tevri’s captor was easy enough. Whatever it was that the captor carried left behind a trail of long lines drawn in the moist dirt, carving a wavy trail of depressed grass in its wake. The impression of the claw marks weren’t all that different from that of other birds, with the obvious difference of the impact they left.
I was probably walking straight into a trap; in fact, I knew I was walking straight into a trap. I also knew that I had no choice but to spring it.
My promised support from authorities didn’t arrive as I pushed forward. They doubtlessly would, given enough time, but at the moment, time was a rare commodity and it was slipping through my fingers.
Mud covered my boots and ran up the length of my pants. Sweat soaked the inside of my shirt, and my hair hung like a wet mop from my head. My legs strained beneath me, their muscles burning as I pushed them further than even I knew they could. Nothing could stop me now. Not if I could help it.
The trail led me even deeper into the woods, which for the most part were flat and unchanging. It wasn’t until I practically stumbled into what it was I sought that I stopped — and rather suddenly at that. I had expected some kind of wrecked ship or the remains of a crashed shuttle. Much to my surprise, a small hovel with a roof of grass and walls of dirt mixed with wood took their place.
The shelter wasn’t anything particularly special from what little I could see beneath the light of the moon, but it certainly seemed to do wonders at hiding itself from a distance. If not for the tracks, I likely would have never seen it. Only the door and some faint lights shining through ramshod windows of cracked glass gave it away.
It couldn’t have been up very long. This exterminator had only been out a few months short of a year. That whole time they must have been planning for this exact circumstance. How ‘lucky’ we were to be the ones to fall victim to their trap.
This is it. I looked up to the sky, hoping to see something, anything, but there was nothing other than the pale light of the moon and distant twinkling stars. I didn’t want to do this alone, but I had no other choice. Time was running out. There was no telling what already could have been done to her.
I stood among the shadows of tall, looming trees that fractured what little light the moon offered into thin bands that covered the forest floor. I took a deep breath and leaned back, supporting myself with the trunk of a pine. For once in your life, don’t fuck up. You’ve got one shot—she has one shot. Make it count.
The inside of my mouth was sticky with saliva that had coalesced during my uninterrupted sprint. I dared to take a sip from my canteen, swirling the water around to moisten my mouth and spit out the saliva. With my mouth now cleansed, I took a greedy gulp and let out a gasp before continuing to my rapid, shallow breathing.
As I took a moment to recover, I whipped my bag around from my back and pulled out my handgun, struggling to silently slide in a magazine as my hands trembled. It fell in, and I pulled the slide back and let it go with a heavy metallic click.
Silence. For a few long seconds, I looked up to see if I was heard, but nothing indicated that I had been given away. Gently, I set the bag I had pulled the weapon from beside a tree and raised the sidearm forward, both hands on the handle as I aimed it dead ahead.
The last time I used this thing was a time I would have much rather forgotten, but today wasn’t a day for forgetting. My rifle was an instrument of precision that had picked off the Krakotl from a distance. For those I hadn’t been able to down in a single shot, the far less precise instrument that I now held was terribly effective.
The path forward was a well-trodden one. No grass grew where this exterminator’s footsteps had surely passed by hundreds or even thousands of times. The mud clung to my boots with a soft squelch that I felt more than heard with every step. I had only been standing maybe a hundred feet away from the entrance, and I cleared that distance in a matter of moments despite my slow pace. Nothing seen through the windows indicated motion as I approached. Good. Maybe I’ll catch them off-guard.
Memories of dispatching so many of these exterminators, the memories I saw so often in my dreams, flashed before me like a footage reel. I knew how to handle these bastards. If it came to it, I could do it again.
As I reached the door, I placed an ear against it, listening for anything, but no sound came. Right. Take a deep breath. Focus. Breathe. Just breathe.
With my left hand, I pushed it forward. To my surprise, there was no resistance. With the right hand, I held the gun aloft, pointing it ahead into the darkness.
My heart stopped.
The faint lighting I had caught glimpses of kept most of the single room in darkness, but it was more than enough to illuminate what I was looking at.
Of all the faces in my nightmares, one had haunted me more than any other. I wasn’t exactly well-versed in reading the expression of aliens, but from what little I had learned, fear was an expression that could be read on a universal level. Fear was the last thing I remembered of the child. I spent far too many nights lying awake, wondering to myself what had happened to them after I had let them run free in the forest. Had they frozen to death? Starved maybe? Did another hunter find them, or did something else find them first?
Now I could put such thoughts to rest. The two beady eyes that stared back weren’t filled with fear as they had been the last time I saw them. The plume on their head had also grown, but the feather patterns and beak that had been burned into my mind were still the same.
No… It—it can’t be them. That’s impossible. How did they last this long out here, and alone for that matter?
They held one hand across Tevri’s chest and used the other to press a knife up to her throat. My hands shook as I pointed the weapon directly ahead towards them. I didn’t have a clear shot. They were using Tevri’s body as cover, standing behind her and a makeshift chair.
Tevri’s eyes widened as she saw me and her tail began to wildly flap. A gag was shoved into her mouth, and I could see that she was breathing heavily, trying as best as she could to make up for her lack of nostrils. Despite the excess movement, the exterminator — the child — stood still. To me, their face was indecipherable, other than that uncanny stillness that spoke louder than words. If not for their appearance, I don’t know that I could have said this was the same child.
They nodded my way. “Human. Before you do anything, you should lower your weapon. It’d be a shame if Tevri here was hurt, wouldn’t it?”
Tevri’s shouts were muffled through the gag. Flecks of dried orange coated her forehead and her eyes were far less focused than they normally were. I scowled something fierce, but ultimately complied, aiming the sidearm’s barrel into the dirt.
“Good. See? There’s no reason this needs to get violent.”
My eyes lingered on the blood atop Tevri’s crown. “What did you do to her?”
“Oh, nothing much, but I think I speak for us both when I say Venlil have a tendency to flee. She was never going to come along willingly, and we couldn’t have had that, now could we?” I froze. He knows. He’s been watching us, hasn’t he? He must have seen her go running.
“What do you want, you bastard?”
A huff of air left their beak — is that amusement? “Revenge. Your blood. This wretched world of yours burnt to ash like it should have been ages ago. That would all be nice, but how about something a little more palatable for both of us? I want off this world. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“And you really think I can provide that?”
“I know you can. A warrior as bloodthirsty as yourself has to command the respect of your people, no? You wouldn’t have your own slave if not for that.”
“Slave?! What the fuck!” I growled. “I’m the one in her service, not the other way around.”
“Ah. Right. Of course you are. Now, your hunting party may not be with you now, but I’m going to need you to call in your fellow predators. Oh, and be sure they bring a space-worthy vessel with them.”
“Wha— even if I could get that for you, why the fuck would I do anything you ask?”
As I asked this, the Krakotl tugged on Tevri’s left ear and yanked her head back, driving the dagger even closer to her neck. “This seems like reason enough, wouldn’t you say?”
“Alright, alright!” I raised both hands, pointing the gun to the ceiling rather than the Krakotl. “There’s no reason anyone has to get hurt.”
“You’re right. There isn’t. Now, I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You are going to call in an FTL capable vessel that I am going to use to escape this planet. To make sure you humans don’t shoot down the craft before I jump, I’ll keep Tevri with me, then allow her to leave using any onboard escape craft before exiting the system. Oh, and for good measure, go ahead and slide that weapon between us, would you?”
The Krakotl didn’t stutter once as he spoke, instead staring me directly in the eyes the entire time. It was unsettling to say the least. Relinquishing my weapon was a terrible idea, no less terrible than letting him take Tevri. I knew that it was, so I stood there delaying my fulfillment of his command. It only took a few seconds of silence however before he pressed the blade closer to her neck, going so far as to dig into the fur that covered her skin.
“Alright! Fine! J-just take that thing away from her throat.”
“Gladly, if you’ll drop the weapon and do as I say.”
I lowered my aim and bowed down, setting the gun on the dirt floor and doing my best to slide it towards the Krakotl. It didn’t go all the way, but it was far enough that I could no longer reach it. As I stood back up, I raised both palms above my head to show I was no longer a threat. “There, now… please, just don’t hurt her.”
The Krakotl scoffed and made an expression that imitated a sneer. “It’s funny, I remember begging just like that not too long ago. Do you remember it?” They pulled away with the dagger, still allowing it to hover close to Tevri’s throat but not close enough to dig into her skin.
I didn’t offer an answer, not that I needed to.
“You probably relished their screams didn’t you? You and the rest of your deranged species can’t help but find joy in the suffering of others. Well, you and your people may have been able to fool some members of the Federation into believing you’re capable of empathy, but when I make it back to Nishtal and tell them what’s been going on down here, I’ll make sure the whole galaxy sees you monsters for who you truly are.”
Nishtal. He doesn’t know.
He couldn’t know, not since he’s been down here without contact for months now. “You’re picking the wrong fight kid. The war’s over. Has been for months now.”
“And you think I’m just going to believe you? Tevri here spewed the same propaganda, no doubt heard from you or other humans. It’s not possible. We far outnumber your pathetic forces. You barely survived the battle above your planet and that was only because your Arxur allies swooped in at the last moment to save you.”
“They weren’t the only ones to support us,” I spat back. “After the truth of the shadow council’s crimes against sapient life came to light, former members of the Federation flocked to our aid. The Zurulians, the Yotul, the Venlil, they all helped us in taking down the same bastards that destroyed their culture and broke their people with that damned cure.”
The Krakotl growled. “You’re lying.”
“And you’re delusional! I’ll gladly try and get you that ship for all the good that it’ll do you once you get to Nishtal, but the world you left behind doesn’t exist anymore.”
The kid screeched, pointing the knife my way rather than towards Tevri. Good. That’s it. Focus on me instead of her.
“SHUT UP! JUST—SHUT UP!” The composure he had seemed so full of moments ago melted away to reveal his manic state. He was far too calm before. This attitude better matched his actions.
“No more of that shit. No more of your lies. I’m not having any of it! If you value your pet’s life, I’d suggest you give the propaganda a rest before I trigger that blood instinct of yours.” He returned the makeshift knife to her throat, erasing any sense of satisfaction I had taken from seeing his true nature reveal itself.
I nodded. Okay, just stay still. As much as it might sting, you’ve just gotta listen to what he wants. For Tevri. This is all for Tevri.
“Good, Now, go ahead and call in that transport.”
“I’ve not called one in, not that I could if I wanted to, but I’ve called some folks who might have access to one.”
“Good. I suppose we wait for them then.”
“Right, well I’ve done what you asked. Could I… Can I speak with her?”
The Krakotl scoffed. “I’ve waited almost a full year for this. You can wait a little longer to speak with your pet.”
With every use of that word I could feel the rage within me begin to boil over and spill out. Control yourself. For her sake. “So help me if you call her that one more time I will—”
“You’ll what? Kill me? As skilled of a hunter as you may be human, I guarantee you, my talon is quicker than anything you could attempt.” As if to display this fact, they spun the knife around in their hand once only to press it back up against Tevri’s neck once more, eliciting muffled squeaks. Her eyes darted back and forth, to him with fear and to me with pleading.
My brow furrowed as I stared daggers at the Krakotl. “She’s not a pet.”
“Sure. Whatever you say. Not that I will, or even can, take your word for it.”
It was as he said this that it finally hit me. How I hadn’t realized it before, I chalked up to whatever sense of urgency and the panic that drove me to confront the child. But it was clear now. There was no point in negotiating. To this child, I was nothing but a monster. He would only accept absolute cooperation from my end. Nothing less, nothing more.
I can’t let him just take her. Who’s to say he won’t go back on his word and take her with him to Nishtal? It’s not exactly federation space anymore, but it certainly isn’t within UN jurisdiction either. I’ve got to get her away from him.
A terrible silence fell between us both as we waited. With my gun now out of reach, I had next to no options for helping Tevri escape his clutches. This was only confirmed as my gaze darted throughout the room searching for anything I might be able to take advantage of. There wasn’t much to take note of. This hovel consisted of a single room, of which every wall was packed dirt. A small nest made of twig and torn up fabric rested in the back right corner of the room while a makeshift table made of wood that looked to have been reclaimed from park benches was shoved against the wall to my left. The two windows I had seen earlier allowed a small amount of moonlight to filter inside while allowing the dull light of a nearby lamp to escape in turn. The seat that Tevri now sat in was no less primitive than the workbench, with each leg being nailed together using small branches and more pieces of reclaimed wood. Out of everything there though, nothing could help me in any way, not that I could reach for anything before the Krakotl reacted by sealing Tevri’s fate.
I felt stupid, standing there as the Krakotl’s gaze bored into me, but there was nothing I could do. I had no choice but to wait for backup and hope against hope that they could somehow negotiate for her release.
I moved on from looking for solutions and instead settled on Tevri. Her chest heaved with exertion from the heavy breaths that the gag demanded of her, and her eyes were stuck in a state of perpetual wideness. Her tail sat still, and both ears stuck up straight. The wool on her head was matted with mud and blood, while thin scrapes of orange marked her forearms and ankles.
We locked eyes, me and her. The Venlil’s orange irises quivered as she did, and shone as a light among our dim surroundings. Then, for a split second, they looked down to something. I stood still, confused for a moment until she repeated the gesture. It wasn’t until the third time that she repeated the motion that what she meant dawned upon me.
The Krakotl’s gaze was still focused upon me. This didn’t change as my own view shifted down at a pace slow enough to not draw his immediate attention. I saw a flash of movement from behind Tevri’s back.
Were those… no, it can’t be. I could have sworn I just saw her hand peeking out. This wasn’t all. A length of rope dangled beneath her legs. The end was frayed, no, not frayed. It was cut.
Smart girl. Those claws of hers were sharper than I thought. They were also sharper than the Krakotl thought as was all too apparent. Okay, I can work with this.
As I looked up, I saw that the Krakotl’s focus hadn’t shifted. He didn’t notice Tevri’s handiwork. Right. If I can just find a distraction to get that knife away from her throat, she can get out of harm’s way.
“So, uh, what’s your name kid?”
“What’s it to you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Only curious. If we want to solve all of this without violence like you’re saying, maybe it’d help to know each other’s name.”
His glare softened, if only somewhat. “Omopaulim. Though I’d prefer Omo.”
“Right,” I said, pressing a flat palm against my chest. “And I’m Jack.”
The Krakotl only gave a grunt of acknowledgement as a response.
“So, anything that you would like to know about me while we wait?”
“No,” he said flatly.
Right. He probably thinks he already knows everything he needs to. “Oh come on, there’s got to be something.”
He paused this time before responding. “Fine, I’ll peck. Why did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“You murdered my only companion in this world. What would compel you to do something like that?”
I hadn’t expected him to ask the question so bluntly, even if it was one I had anticipated. “Despite what you might say, we humans do have empathy. I was like you are now when the bombs that your fleet dropped took my brother: lost, scared, broken, hurting. Hell, I still am.”
If my words had any impression upon the kid, it wasn’t an apparent one. I kept going anyway.
“But you and your people were right about one thing with us. We can be dangerous. We don’t need to be though. We don’t want to either. But, when you hurt a human just wrong enough, you’re only asking for trouble.”
“You would have been trouble anyways if we hadn’t had the foresight to deal with you as early as we did.”
I shook my head. “You’re wrong. We humans, we only ever wanted to meet others like us out there. If you and your people hadn’t showed up on our planet’s doorstep with bombs in tow, you’d still be home with your family, living the life that should have been yours.”
“And if you and your people had gone extinct centuries ago like you should have—“ As Omo said this, he took the knife from Tevri’s throat and pointed it at me.
He was interrupted mid sentence as the back of Tevri’s head slammed against his beak and he was sent reeling. With that, Tevri leapt forward, toppling the chair and throwing herself into the dirt. With her surprisingly strong legs, she managed to clear most of the distance between us.
I rushed forward to pick her up, earning an ear flick of acknowledgement as I yanked the gag from her mouth. “Thanks,” she said with hoarseness to her voice. “I—” A loud screech in the form of Omo interrupted her. The young exterminator rushed towards both of us with his knife pointed at me.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I stood back to my full height and ran to meet the Krakotl rather than let him approach us first.
Omo lunged, attempting to plunge the knife into my abdomen. For the bragging of how dextrous he was with the blade, it was clear he had little to no experience when it came to actual combat. This didn’t mean he couldn’t still be deadly. The knife flicked past me, cutting through the air and striking nothing. He tried again, with slightly more success, managing to slice open my clothes and nick my waist as I danced to the side just in time.
As he extended his arm to make the attack, my hand shot out and seized the wrist that held his makeshift weapon. With a sharp twist, the Omo cried out in pain and dropped it. A single punch decked the kid, and I pounced, making sure to pin him.
He fought back as best he could, but the comparative size between us left no room for competition. I continued to whale on him, throwing punch after punch, each landing home. The last of them spawned a spiraling web of cracks that branched out from the point where my fist met his beak. Despite the blows, he was still up and kicking, screeching and scratching at my arms with his claws.
“P-please,” he sputtered, spitting up violet blood as he spoke. “Don’t—Hrrk“
My hands wrapped around his long neck and squeezed. His eyes bulged from their sockets and his beak opened wide as he struggled to breathe. My grip tightened as he scrambled and clawed at my hands, trying and failing to free himself.
Any sentiment of sympathy for him was washed away by the adrenaline surging through my veins. With every attempt of his flailing talons to swipe at my hands and arms, my grip grew tighter around his throat. I dug my knee into his abdomen, forcing the air from his lungs as I put the full weight of my body against his chest.
He deserves this! Look what he did to her! He could have killed her!
He deserved to die for what he did to her. She was innocent and he could have killed her for nothing more than associating with me. Tevri never could have known about what I did, yet here she was, drugged to high hell and dragged through the woods by this bastard that couldn’t learn to change.
Every time I had killed an exterminator all those months ago, I had made certain my job was done. No loose ends were left, and the town and those I cared about were safe because of it — well, all loose ends but one.
A snarl escaped my lips as I watched the Krakotl’s eyes begin to fade and his struggle grew weaker and weaker. His hands no longer scratched at mine, reaching away from me instead as if he was trying to find some escape. He would find none.
“Stop!” Tevri’s cry cut through the haze of rage. “He’s harmless now! J-just let him go!” I swung around to look at her, and she flinched as I locked eyes with her. The same terror that I had inspired mere hours ago was plastered across her. It was this that yanked me back to reality — to the reality of what I was doing. What was I doing?
My grip loosened, but didn’t relent entirely. Oh fuck. I—I’m doing it again.
Yes. You’re doing it for her, just as you did it for Nick.
For her? Look at her! She’s petrified just standing near you! She’s asked—no, begged you to stop. Can you really excuse this as being for her?
He was with the ones who bombed Earth. He deserves the same fate.
Does he? He’s a kid. Do you really think he was the one to pull the lever? To issue their commands? To muster their fleet?
He’s complicit.
He’s a child*.*
If you take his life, you’ll prove that he and the federation were right. You’d be the monster he thinks you are. He’s helpless. His death by your hands would be murder and nothing less.
So, what will it be then? What are you?
What am I?
I’ve killed before. I’d kill again if I had to, but this… this is different. Even if it was a loose justification, I had something to drive my rampage against the Krakotl. This kid though… they’re helpless against me.
“Please!” croaked Tevri. Her voice was strained and on the verge of breaking as she pleaded with me.
You might not be able to undo your actions, but you can choose to not perpetuate them. This child had suffered enough. You have suffered enough. End the cycle. Be better.
My clenched hands gave way as the tension holding the Krakotl’s neck was released. Omo gasped, coughing haggardly immediately after taking in a breath.
I looked at my hands. Crimson rivers trickled down them from where my forearms had been scratched and scraped by Krakotl claws. Droplets of violet speckled them, but for the most part, the blood was my own.
After poring over my hands, I turned to Tevri, whose tear-filled eyes and terrible condition tugged at my heart. She didn’t speak, but she didn’t need to. She had already done enough.
It was her guidance that helped me make this choice. If she even cared to talk to me after this was all over, it was my hope that she could only continue to better me.
She was panting, her mouth left agape as she tried to catch up on the breath lost by the gag covering her mouth. She looked better though. Then again, it isn’t difficult to look better after you’ve been tied up and held hostage.
Despite it all, despite everything, I gave a weak chuckle and smiled. She wasn’t nearly as capable of smiling as a human, but her lips turned up and her ears stuck upright as her tail flicked behind her.
I-I think that’s a good sign. Maybe things will turn out alright after—
My thought was interrupted as a thunderous bang reverberated through the room.
My ears rang. I saw Tevri’s mouth open, but didn’t hear anything come from it. The brief return to something resembling a comfortable state was shattered, and fear once again constituted her countenance.
It took a moment for reality to catch back up to me. I thought I was safe. I thought we were safe. It was idiotic of me not to remain vigilant considering that this kid had been attempting to stab me mere moments ago, but reveling in my moment of self-triumph had been a bit too much.
I went from sitting on my knees to screaming and scrambling backward across the ground. My hand shot to my abdomen where a stab of pain sprouted from nothing. Heat began to form where the pain originated, and as I looked down, I watched a red spot grow beneath my shirt.
The shot came from Omo, who lay on his back with both claws holding up the same weapon that I had once threatened him with. His eyes were wide, and his face was a terrible mess of blood and bruises. More than a few feathers had fallen free during our scuffle, and those spots were just as apparent.
Tevri stood still, shock and fear taking over her body. The relief at being pried from the Krakotl’s clutches was just as quickly warped into terror.
Omo stood himself up on wobbly legs as I scooted backwards, pressing myself against the wall in an attempt to put as much distance between us as I could manage. Another indecipherable expression coated his face, though it was different from the last. He ignored Tevri and walked past her towards me.
The gun I had tossed aside was held up in both hands. It was far too big for him, but he managed to wield it, pointing its barrel into the dirt.
“I would have thought you’d be a better hunter than to let your prey get the upper hand like this.” His voice was weak and hoarse, but the conviction he spoke with was audible even through my translator.
“You could have killed me, but you didn’t. Why? Why kill Maiatim but stop to give me mercy? Twice!”
The Krakotl still sucked in ragged breaths of air, but as he stopped, he raised the weapon and aimed it directly at my head.
“I—I won’t make the same mistake. You’re too dangerous to be left alive. I can’t say I’m sorry for this, b-but I do regret that it had to be this way. Goodbye, Jack.”
I would’ve been lying if I said I was ready to go. My parents certainly wouldn’t take the news well, not after they had already lost their other son. I doubted my friends would take it much better either. I had no control over how others would react to my passing, but if the general attitude of those in Healy towards aliens was anything to go by, they wouldn’t react well. Atop the pile of all these worries, the prospect of leaving Tevri behind almost hurt more than the growing pain in my abdomen.
She’s strong. She didn’t need you before you met her, and she sure as hell won’t when you’re gone.
You did your best. You changed. Even if you couldn’t stop the violence, you chose to quit participating in it. The sidearm shook as Omo's trembling claw wrapped around the trigger. I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.
The seconds stretched; every beat of my heart lasted minutes, every breath took hours. I had heard of your life flashing before your eyes, but I wasn’t a believer of such experiences until now.
As time slowed, I saw my childhood, the years spent with Nick, our summers spent together goofing off and spending long nights talking beneath the stars as we ignored any semblance of a curfew set by Ma and Pa. I saw us attending school together, me standing up for him against those who dared push him around and the flak I always caught for it. Pa was proud though, and that was all that mattered to me. I sat through every failed relationship I’d ever had, each of which I was probably better off for not having followed through with. I watched through my own eyes as we celebrated Nick’s graduation and acceptance into university, then struggled to stand by as I told him to leave home behind in the pursuit of something greater. The rampage that ensued following his death was just as vivid as ever, every death, every kill, played back as though it were recorded and transmitted back to me. And last, but certainly not least, there were the events of the last week or so.
A hard, crack and thunk were followed by yet another deafening boom.
If this was death, then it wasn’t as bad as I had thought. I was still pretty sore, and that pain in my side hadn’t gone away yet. My heart was still beating and my breaths were still ragged. The stale, earthy air continued to flow in and out of my nose.
For all my lack of belief in religion, I could have sworn I saw an angel wreathed in light as I cracked open my eyes. The figure only grew in brilliance the further my eyes opened — that is until recognition dawned upon me.
Tevri?
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Cover Image
Tevri in a sweater - By u/Brotanics
Tevri - By u/Brotanics
A Depiction of Jack's Dream - By u/LeWombat545
Tevri (Discord Nitro Exchange Commision >:D ) - By u/JimDandy117
Lil' Goob Tevri - By u/JimDandy117
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PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998 Part 3
Playboy: Now that you're doing so well do you worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I fear being a victim of success. It's seductive. You have new choices. "Conan, Sylvester Stallone wants to be on, but we're already booked." My feeling is that I must say no to Stallone. "Sorry, Sly. Bob Denver's on that night.
Playboy: How's your relationship with NBC executives now that the show is a success? O'Brien: Better. But I have not forgotten the bad old days. Let me tell you about one executive. He's no longer with the company. I had him killed. But in our darker days he came to the set one night after we did a great show. I come off after the show and this guy says, "Wow, that was terrible." He thought the show should look like MTV. "Run into the audience and tell jokes. Run up to a guy, have him shout his name, get everybody cheering."
Playboy: You didn't agree apparently. O'Brien: Too much of television is energy with no purpose. People going "Whoo!" But that's just empty energy. That's American Gladiators. I often try to lower the energy, especially when school is out and college kids are here. They're huge fans, they're psyched, but we're a quirky comedy show, not MTV Spring Break.
Playboy: Were you thrilled when the Marv Albert sex case hit the news? O'Brien: Oh man, was I into Marv. I would love to trick you into thinking I'm high-minded, but that story made me think, My God, yes, I'll use this, and this... But it bothered me the way he was publicly vilified. People were getting off on the kinky stuff; they condemned Marv for wearing women's clothing, which isn't a crime.
Playboy: Yet tonight you did a Marv Albert joke. You said Marv had a new job as a mannequin at Victoria's Secret. O'Brien: You can be uncomfortable with it and still use it. Isn't that what guilt is all about?
Playboy: What comedy bits do you regret doing? O'Brien: We did one with a character called Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. Now, the point of the joke is that this is not the sphincter that excrement passes through. The pyloric sphincter is at the top of the digestive tract. It basically keeps acid from going up into the oesophagus.
We had a guy in a sphincter costume and a cowboy hat. He says, "Hi kids, I'm Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. No, not that bad sphincter! When food passes through me, it isn't digested yet." He then proceeds to squeeze foods that look like shit whether they're digested or not. Chocolate. Picture a sphincter exuding a huge chocolate bar. We were grossing people out.
Playboy: So why put Randy on the air? O'Brien: I just loved the fact that he wore a cowboy hat.
Playboy: What sorts of bits do you refuse to do? O'Brien: Arbitrary humor. "Here's the sketch: Conan jumps into a barrel of wheat germ." I'll ask him what the joke is. "It's crazy, that's all."
Look, I was a comedy writer. I've been through this before. If the joke is that there is no joke, the writer gets no paycheck.
Playboy: Jumping into wheat germ sounds like Letterman. O'Brien: My show began with me and everyone involved with the show doing all we could to avoid being anything like Letterman. Which is difficult. He invented a lot of the form. He carved out a big territory. He's the Viking who discovered America, and now I have my little piece of northwestern Canada that I'm trying to claim as my own.
Playboy: So how do you avoid being Dave-like? O'Brien: We have always scrupulously avoided found comedy. You never see me going up and talking to normal Joe on the street. The real word of people, dogs, cabbies -- Letterman is great at that. His genius, I think, is playing with the real world around him. Which is not my forte at all. My idea is more about creating a fake, cartoony world and playing with that.
Playboy: Are you goofy in real life? O'Brien: My private life is boring. I've been with the same woman, Lynn Kaplan, for four years, and there ain't nothing crazy going on. Lynn is a talent booker on our show. We go to my house in Connecticut on weekends. I sit around playing guitar.
Playboy: Gossip columnists have placed you in Manhattan with other women. O'Brien: One of them had me with Courteney Cox. Lisa Kudrow and I did improv together years ago and we went out for a while. Maybe that's why I can now be romantically linked to the entire cast of Friends. I may be thrilled with that, but my girlfriend is one of those people who believes everything they read in the tabloids. She's sitting at the table in Connecticut when she opens a tabloid and says, "What the hell?" There's a big photo of me with Courteney Cox. The story says, "Courteney's moving in with Conan."
Playboy: Did Lynn believe it? O'Brien: No, because the story went on to say, "Conan and Courteney were seen at the Fashion Cafe munching veggie burgers." That sentence ended her faith in tabloids. Lynn knows that I would never (a) go to the Fashion Cafe and (b) eat a veggie burger. I'm an Irish-Catholic kid from Boston; I'll eat red meat until my heart explodes out of my chest.
Playboy: Do you still drive an old Ford Taurus? O'Brien: When I got my five-year contract I moved up. Bought a Range Rover. Now I drive the Range Rover to Connecticut for the weekend, park it and tool around in the Taurus all weekend. I can't let go of that Taurus. It's an extension of my penis.
Playboy: Can you forget about the show on weekends? O'Brien: I drive around playing Jerry Reed tapes, fantasizing that I'm some backwoods character. But even then -- you know, it's probably not an accident that people who do these shows tend to be depressive. You want so badly for it to be right every night, but mounting an hour-long show four times a week -- the pace will kill you. One night I put my fist through a tile wall. Another night, I walked off the stage, pulled an air-conditioning unit out of the wall and kicked it. This stuff I can't explain. Nor can I excuse it. But there may be something maddening about these shows. The pace is... I forget shows we did last week. That's why I can't imagine doing this for 30 years. I bet you could show Johnny Carson footage of how he shrieked as his body was lowered into acid and he's say, "Hmm, don't remember that one."
I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the Emmy Awards. He said he liked the show, then he paused and said, "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Do what you do every night for an hour?"
That shocked me. This is Jerry Seinfeld, the master. A man everyone can agree is funny. And I really have no answer.
Playboy: Praise from Seinfeld must cheer you up. O'Brien: (Shaking his head) I worry that we have hit our stride and must be headed for a fall. Because every show has an arc. The Honeymooners had an arc. People forget, but The Honeymooners was mean and depressing. Art Carney wasn't fun and cuddly yet. Even successful shows take time to find their rhythm. Then they get self-indulgent and fuck it up. Look at late Happy Days episodes. They quit shooting on location, Mork keeps visiting, and it's an excuse to spin off new shows.
Playboy: Will you fuck it up, too? O'Brien: Eventually my only consolation may be that I get paid a lot. I'll say, "I know it sucks, but I'm getting $65 million a year!"
Playboy: Letterman said almost exactly that not long ago. When a joke died he admitted it sucked. "But I'm making a fortune!" he said. Do you really worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I want a living will for my career. I want the people around me to pull the plug when I become a self-parody, an old blowhard like Alan Brady. Remember him, the television star Rob Petrie worked for on the Dick Van Dyke Show? Pompous, over-the-top, over-the-hill. I don't want to be Alan Brady.
Playboy: Letterman paid you an odd compliment. "When I see that show it withers me with exhaustion," he said. O'Brien: That's our new slogan. "Watch Late Night -- We'll wither you." But I think Dave was saying that he knows how hard it is to make a show like this every night.
Playboy: Suppose Leno left The Tonight Show. Would you like to duel Dave at 11:30? O'Brien: Our best slot would be eight A.M.. We have puppets, cartoons, lots of childishness. I think I'm doing an OK late-night show but it's a great kids' show.
Playboy: This from Mr. Hip? O'Brien: No. When someone says this or that sort of comedy is hip and alternative -- "Yes, these are cool people" -- I hate that. Because at the end of the day, funny is funny. People get fooled about me because I went to Harvard. "He's cerebral." But I love Green Acres. I love how Green Acres bends reality.
Playboy: Sounds cerebral. O'Brien: It isn't. In one episode Oliver Douglas has to go to Washington, D.C. His wife says, "Darling, take a picture of the Eiffel Tower." He says, "Lisa, the Eiffel Tower ---" Then Eb comes in. "Mr. Douglas, git me an Eiffel Tower postcard!" Now Oliver is terribly frustrated. He keeps sputtering about Washington, D.C., but nobody listens. At the end, he goes to Washington, looks up, and there's the Eiffel Tower. That is the kind of thing that made me love T.V.
Playboy: As a TV-mad college kid you cooked up scams to meet celebs. O'Brien: I wanted to meet Bill Cosby, so my friends and I offered him some fake award. We took a bowling trophy and called it the Harvard Comedy Award, something like that, and Cosby, thinking it was the Hasty Pudding Award, accepted. So I drive out to meet his private plane. "Over here, Mr. Cosby!" And I chauffeur him in my dad's second hand station wagon. Cosby sits in the backseat, picking old McDonald's wrappers off the floor, and says, "This is about the Hasty Pudding Award?"
"Oh no, nothing like that."
Playboy: You tricked Bill Cosby into letting you drive him around? O'Brien: I didn't realize that one does not pick up a famous person in a 1976 station wagon. They like to fly first-class, to be picked up in a Town Car and put up in a nice hotel. Fortunately I am not directly involved in celebrity care anymore.
Playboy: Did you bring other comics to Harvard? O'Brien: Yes. John Candy's people warned me that John was on the Pritikin diet. They gave me strict dietary instructions. John immediately ran into a bakery on Harvard Square to get pastries. He said they were Pritikin eclairs.
Playboy: You once stole a famous television costume. O'Brien: When Burt Ward visited Harvard there were fliers all over the campus: Burt Ward to Appear With Original Robin Costume (Insured by Lloyd's of London for $500,000). In fact, Burt Ward was said to keep a bunch of them in his car; he'd pass them out to impress girls. Naturally, I wanted to screw with him. A few friends and I attended his speech at the science center. We went dressed as security guards. I said, "Mr. Ward, I've been sent by the dean to safe guard the costume." As if it were the Shroud of Turin. But the guy is humorless. "Yes, very good. That costume is very valuable," he says.
That's when we hit the lights. Which works great in the movies. In the movies the lights go out and suddenly the jewel is gone. In real life, though, what you get is some dimming. You hit the lights and people can see a little less well.
Playboy: Did you grab the costume? O'Brien: We grabbed it and the chase was on. Some Burt Ward admirers -- young Republicans, I guess -- took off after us yelling, "Stop them!" But we escaped in a waiting car. We proceeded to torment Burt Ward for hours on the phone, saying, "This is the Joker, hee-hee-hee. I've got your costume."
Playboy: How did Burt react? O'Brien: Robinlike. He said, "Return it or you will feel my wrath!" Playboy: Burt Ward used to tell reporters he had an IQ of 200. O'Brien: He may be delusional.
Playboy: Were you always starstruck? O'Brien: Stars are fascinating. When I was a writer for Saturday Night Live, Robert Wagner did the show. One day he was sitting offstage, talking on the phone. He had on a camel-hair jacket, silk scarf, and of course his perfectly arranged Robert Wagner hair. "Very good, goodbye," he says, and hangs up. Suddenly his hand shoots up and touches the right side of his head, where the phone receiver may have disturbed a few hairs. At that point you know he has done this smooth move every day since 1948.
Playboy: You seem to prefer goofy celebs -- Jack Lord, William Shatner, Robert Stack. There are photos of Stack and Adam West, TV's Batman, here in your office. Do those guys know you are making fun of them? O'Brien: I'm not. I have a real affection for those men. To me, meeting Andy Griffith is just as interesting as interviewing Allen Ginsberg. I'm interested in Martin Scorsese and Gore Vidal as well as Jaleel White, TV's Urkel.
Playboy: How do Gore Vidal and Urkel compare? O'Brien: I'd say Jaleel White's prose style is not taken as seriously. But the same is true of Vidal's nerd character.
Playboy: As one of the writers on The Simpsons you helped create some memorable characters. O'Brien: What I loved about The Simpsons was that it wasn't a cartoon for kids. A cartoon might look like the friendliest thing in the world, but we were subversive. I loved it when we had Lisa write a patriotic essay in school: "Our country has the strongest, best educational system in the world after Canada, Germany, France, Great Britain..." It was this great sugarcoated cutting remark. I loved her for it.
Playboy: Tell us a Simpsons sercret. O'Brien: When Dan Castellaneta started doing Homer's voice, he was doing Walter Matthau. Like I said, it takes time to find your rhythm.
Playboy: So are you satisfied with your work? O'Brien: Intellectually, yes. The show works. Advertisers like to buy time on it. Young people really like it. But I was a moody, driven, self-critical person before I got this show, and that hasn't changed. It's just that I now have something even more frightening than a Saturday Night Live sketch or a Bart Simpson joke to worry about. I have an hour of comedy broadcast every night. My anxiety has finally met its match.
Playboy: Will you and Lynn get married? O'Brien: The core idea of being a comic, particularly a comic with a talk show, is control. Marriage is a leap of faith, a giving up of control. I'm not sure if I can make that leap.
Playboy: What about kids? O'Brien: What sort of dad would I make? Maybe this job and a normal family life are diametrically opposed. Dave, Jay, Bill Maher, Arsenio -- where are your kids? Jack Paar seemed to have a normal life with a wife and child, but you don't see much of that. And I believe that your kid should be the most important thing in your life. I may not have room, at least not now. I have Pimpbot to think about.
Playboy: Another foul mouthed Late Night character. O'Brien: Half-robot, half-Seventies street pimp. He's got a feathered hat and a metallic voice: "Gotta run my bitches. Run my ho's. I'll cut you." Right now my life revolves around Pimpbot.
Playboy: You need to settle a fashion question. You, Leno and Letterman seldom wear suits off stage. Leno likes flannel shirts, Letterman prefers jeans and sweatshirts. You wear T-shirts. Why wear a suit and tie on the air? O'Brien: There are two schools of thought on that. The Steve Martin approach says that you're putting on a show, so dress up for the people. The George Carlin approach says all that old showbiz stuff is over, this is the new way, so wear a T-shirt. I choose a jacket and tie because that's the uniform people expect talk show hosts to wear. If I came out in a mesh T-shirt and chains it might distract people from the comedy.
Playboy: How would you describe your show? O'Brien: It's a hybrid. If Carson defined the talk show and Letterman was the anti-talk show, where do you go next? That was the question we faced. What we did was make a show that has the visual trappings of the classic Tonight Show -- the desk, the band, the sidekick -- but with everything else perverted. When it works well I'd say my show is one part Carson, one part Charlie Rose and one part Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
Playboy: Do you have any advice for future talk show hosts? O'Brien: You had better love the job. Some hosts don't. You can see it in their eyes. Chevy Chase's talk show -- he did not want to be there. And if that's in your eyes you're finished, because there's another show tomorrow and next week and the week after that. You can't conquer it. You can do two or three or ten good shows in a row and still want to punch a wall when you slip up.
Playboy: Can you ever conquer your repressed childhood? O'Brien: It's always there. I still believe in moral absolutes. Murder, for instance, is wrong, unless it helps the show.
Playboy: Still, talk show hosts have perks most guys can only dream of. O'Brien: It's great to be played over to the desk. You finish your monologue, then the band kicks in as you cross the set. Fortunately, we have a great band. Even when people didn't like anything about the show, they loved the Max Weinberg Seven. The music heightens everything. Now you are more than just a guy in a suit, you're Co-nan O'Bri-en! I think every guy should have that -- if a band played you over to your rental car at the airport, you'd have a cooler day.
Playboy: Is Andy Richter your Ed McMahon? O'Brien: He's Andy. When we were getting started and the network wasn't sure of me, they kept asking, "Who's that Andy guy?" I think we've answered the question. Part of the show's rhythm is my energy played against the quiet steadiness of Andy.
Playboy: Is that rhythm genuine? O'Brien: Yes. Our mentalities mesh. I'm always dissatisfied. He's the guy saying, "Hey, relax. It's good enough." My girlfriend would be happy if I had a bit more of that in me.
Playboy: Who is the guest you can't get? O'Brien: Werner Klemperer. He refuses to revive Colonel Klink, the commandant he played on Hogan's Heroes. Which confuses me. Is he going to come up with another character at this late date -- Werner Klemperer as the aging black man or kung fu fighter? No, he's Colonel Klink.
Playboy: You once said that as a boy you wanted to be like Bob Crane in Hogan's Heroes, the cool guy who "wore a bomber jacket and wised off to Nazis." O'Brien: I asked Werner Klemperer to do some bits as Colonel Klink. He refused. Then a strange thing happened. We're shooting abit on the West Side when Werner Klemperer comes around the corner. Pulling his parka up to his chin, just like Colonel Klink, he walks past our film crew and says, "Hello, Conan. I must say the show is very good lately. Give my best to Andy. Farewell!" It was a cameo appearance in reality. He was there, he was gone. I wanted to shout, "Hey, Werner Klemperer just did a walk-on in my life."
Playboy: Are you losing the boundaries between your life and your job? O'Brien: There are no boundaries. At any minute Werner Klemperer may step in here and give me 30 days in the cooler. It's getting surreal. Just this morning I am going through the lobby downstairs when two girls see me. One girl nudges the other, "Look, it's the guy from Conan O'Brien!" I guess she couldn't quite place me, but she knew which show I was on.
Copyright Playboy Magazine 1998

The Beginning Wiki Part Thirty-One (first half)
“Hey, Pyro, I was wondering something.”
“Ask away.”
“It’s your voice, and your vocabulary too. What’s the deal with that? Was it the spell doing that?”
“Right on the money. No spell, no obligate goofball. Thas’ not gon’ stop me from usin’ it if I’m feelin’ it, though. But it’s a bit stale by now.”
I sighed and admired the smoldering countryside, dotted by the expensive mansions of the wealthy, oppressor caste of demons. “Well it was Grunnus who did it, so I bet it was just to fuck with me.”
“Of course. He’s ‘funny’ that way.” He flicked his mane. “While we’re on the topic, you know the disguising as a normal horse deal? That’s gone too.”
“That’s crap. We’re supposed to be inconspicuous right now.”
There was another lull for a few minutes. “I’ve been thinking… about why I came back to you.”
“Oh? Because I’m nice, or something?”
“Nah, that’s not why I came back; more like a factor that kept the option open. No, it’s the worry. I can’t say I’ve ever seen you so deadly serious, and it’s about your own safety, too.”
I frowned. “Well, I am concerned. After all that I’ve researched, all I’ve read, it’s pointed me to a major rule in this world: Fate doesn’t want us GCs to die. Some shit always happens. A little odd nudge here, a sudden bout of incompetence there, or it all goes completely sideways at the last possible moment, all in the service of the GC living to fight another day. It’s a consistent thing, happens again and again with barely any logical explanation, and usually at the expense of the natives, who aren’t so generously covered.
“But it’s not set in stone. You’re dumb, you die. Maybe not the first dozen fuck ups, but it’ll getcha eventually. The problem… is that there’s an exception.”
“I suppose that’s when the chosen fight each other?”
“Yeah. Believe me, fate will try to stop them from dying, but two chosen can keep that dice roll repeating over and over again until someone’s luck runs out. Like a pair of drunks trading headbutts until someone gets a brain hemorrhage. And thank my unlucky stars, because the single thing we’re confident in right now is that it’s GCs that broke into my house. A team of 7, no less.”
He bobbed his head as he trotted. “That’s why I’m worried. Hecate was filling me in before you called her. She told me you were summoned to the search for Auseta, and that you ended up having to run around without me. It made me think real hard, and led me to a conclusion. You need me ready to go at a moment’s notice, no matter where, or when.
“Now I know I’ve said I hate it—and I do—but I think I should be in a catch orb in your pocket whenever you’re not in need of a mount.”
I was shocked into a 3-second silence. “Damn, wow, really? That’s not very freebird of you.”
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not comfy, but right now, you’re the priority. Once this trouble passes we can have a long talk about changing things. I want to be loud! I want to be proud! I want to be the baddest motherfucking horse around, who carries the coldest sonofabitch at blazing speed; wherever the critters need roasting. And when we get there, I want to blaze half the things my damn self!” he boasted with a sassy trot.
I patted him on the shoulder, causing him to look back at me. “There’s only 1 thing I can say to that.”
(Simultaneously:) “Hell yeah, brother.”
……
We got home to a very cranky, half-slept Matti at the gate, with a few thousand not-very human (read: windy) footprints pacing a veritable trench into the driveway.
“Where the fuck were you?” she barked incredulously. “And what gaudy slop are you wearing?”
The wind could be heard huffing exasperatedly in the background.
“Didn’t you get my note?”
“Yeah, ‘I’ll be back soon, don’t worry’,” she paraphrased aggrievedly. “You gods-damned nut! It’s my job to worry! You’re not supposed to go anywhere without a full security detail.”
I waggled the lamp in front of her. “My security detail was at 98% power, thank you very much. I’ll tell you the rest later. For now, I think I’m finally ready to sleep.”
“You–”
“Hush a moment, Matti,” Pyroshir interjected. “What’s important is that we’re safely back now. There’s nothing good to come from a flared temper, so let’s head in and sleep before we say anything our rested selves might regret.”
Her brain visibly crashed, requiring a reboot. “What… happened to–”
“La-ter.”
……
Laying low: Day 4, morning, Drivellum-Lawson estate, breakfast nook.
“So he’s… free now?”
“yup.”
“And he’s staying in your service… of his own volition?”
“Pretty much.”
Matti rubbed her temple. “Why?”
“Because he couldn’t find it in himself to leave when things were getting interesting. Also, he said he wants to burn stuff with me later.”
She took a swig of her bloody mary. “No, the other… ugh, Chivos, make this make sense.”
We both looked at him, wearing his gossamer brand silk bathrobe. He paused combing his hair. “Matters of morality are not legally required to make sense. For my opinion on the matter, I believe you have surmised it already.”
I imitated his laser-cut diction. “While freeing your steed was an admirable pursuit, the timing chosen was poor, and the execution highly alarming to important security staff.”
“Hmm, yes,” he conceded with a yawn. We then clinked our coffees together and took large gulps.
Chivos set his cup down with a more serious expression. “I have heard back from the assorted agencies. Your attendance at Meridian Valley is greenlit. However there have been… a few magic items that you are required to wear.”
“Define ‘a few’.”
He stared into his drink. “... 3 crates.”
I didn’t say anything aloud, as my eyes were perfectly conveying ‘are you serious?’ to him in vivid detail.
“Crates?” Matti Balked. “You go over 20 and you risk… melting! Randomly!”
“Yes, we have a small team of energetic interaction specialists coming with the crates. Hubs, wrap up your business and be packed by tomorrow. It will take a while.”
……
“I have finished laundering your clothes, and I have taken the liberty of separating all damaged articles. I can have them mended by your return, and the same for your furniture.”
“Thank you, Droth, I appreciate it, but I want it all locked up proper this time.”
“But of course. I will see to it personally.”
I shifted the relevant bags across the sorting table and pointed to the next bunch. “These are all equipment. I don’t need you to do anything to these, just stow them.”
“Happily. What of this bunch tied with ribbon?”
Matti paused her usage of the reading nook.. “Those are mine. Please store, but do not open them.”
“Yup. And this one specifically is important documents. Please have Chivos take it to the vault and set it up for remote access.”
Mr. Slakendroth opened his mouth, then paused. “I do believe someone is at the door.”
He marched over and peeked out. “Ms. Hecate, is something amiss?”
They murmured a minute, then he shut the door and returned carrying an oblong parcel. “It seems a package has arrived for you.” He inspected the scribbles on the exterior. “The return address is coordinates in the Dreuhningst Mountains, and there are marks of inspection from the League of Conspicuous Evil, our local customs… and Hecate too.”
“It wouldn’t happen to be 722.02 by 156.25, would it?”
He looked again. “Indeed it is! A friend of yours?”
I shrugged. “Well, someone in the know, at least, and acceptably trustworthy too. Let’s see what she sent.”
The 3 of us crowded around the table as I donned the curse-proof magic gloves, for paranoia’s sake. I looked over the package, finding no further information on the exterior before tearing into the paper wrappings. Underneath was a carefully-prepared silk package, which I elected to bypass with vorpal goodness. Anticipation abounded as I tore away the layers to reveal…
A sword. Thin, of middling length, and narrow, with a shifting purple gemstone on the pommel.
Matti was briefly nonplussed, but then she gasped. “Is that the Gossamer Needle?”
“Mmmyup. A Gossamer Needle,” I muttered. The note tied around the hilt caught my attention. I liberated and unfolded it.
To my dearest contractor:
I, Lechia Uvembril Arachnis, offer the loaning of this blade to Dennis Lawson at the price of 2 free location clearing services. To draw the blade is to accept the offer, but you may carry it until this incident is resolved. May it bring a long, agonizing death to all who cross you in this trying time.
Until our next meeting.
Lechia.
I blinked, handed the note to Matti and grasped the implement of destruction. “There goes all that weapon loadout tuning, right out the window.”
Matti wilted upon reading the note. “Aww, I can’t hold it,” she pouted.
……
Laying low, day 5, 45 minutes late for lunch, Drivellum-Lawson Estate, Laboratory blast-suppression chamber.
A dark priest, wrapped in deep purple and blue robes, held one last ring in a pair of tongs.
“And now, the Band of the Whisper’s Will. Size 2.”
He extended it shakily towards my left pinkie, filling the room with a sharp tension. Tatanchael stopped combing my singed hair to cover my ash-stained face, shielding me further with her right wing. A sharp snap of electricity filled everyone’s ears… and my arm. I jerked briefly at the pain, but the ring went on and stayed on. The angelic embrace ended and Tatanchael resumed trying to clean the singings off my face.
“Can we recess for food, please?” I asked, dark green smog spilling from my mouth.
Rather than answer my question, a small, multi-faction peanut gallery instead jumped on my symptom. “Forestral fog, oral, heavy,” a scholastic demon called out. “Still within tolerances.”
“Uhh.”
The dark mage answered for the distracted nincompoops. “Absolutely not. Until final equilibrium is achieved, you must not leave this sigil. Your life may depend on it.”
“Man, I’d be fine with a stale granola bar at this point. What’s next on the agenda?”
Dark and moody placed the next box on his little table. “The rest of the rings.”
I stared him down, deadpan, and held up my hands, and the eight-fuckin’-teen rings (argued down to only 1 per thumb). “Where? Wheeerrrreee will you put them?” I asked, animatedly swinging my arms, jingling at 90 decibels.
“These are the toe rings, Mr Lawson.”
I wanted to punch him, but I bottled it up and relaxed my posture. “At this point I doubt there’s anything that can harm me besides this wasp nest of crap I’m wearing.”
He did not respond, instead resuming his duty of carefully dressing me.
“Oh, you poor thing,” Tatanchael cooed honestly. “Always a victim of everyone else’s stupidity.”
She somehow managed to be completely sincere, and sharply sarcastic at once, something a few angels were remarkably skilled at. I didn’t feel the need to add onto it, and fate handed me a better blip of comedy than I ever could have thought up myself. For as the first toe-ring slid onto my foot, I felt an odd sensation of aching and vertigo. Rather abruptly, my pants were a bit short, and I was sporting a bare midriff.
“Increased height, 5 inches,” the scholar demon called out.
A high-city librarian in the back then held up a sheet of paper with a grid on it, and a line through said grid.
“BINGO!”
…Two hours later…
“Waddya mean I can’t take them off?” I yelped indignantly. “How am I supposed to sleep?”
The demon scholar looked up from his ever-thickening sheaf of notes. “Mr Lawson, please, it is only 3 days. Allowances for rest and hygiene have been made.”
“Can sleep doesn’t mean want to sleep!” I squawked. “It’s a miracle I’m still in one piece! I don’t want to hit the sack and evaporate mid snore!”
“I must concur with Mr Lawson,” Tatanchael threw in. “The risks seem quite outsized compared to the benefits. Now that the combination is proven stable, and adequately tested, why not strip it off in favor of a faster re-equipping tomorrow?”
“Because it is not adequately tested, you featherbrained buffoon. Not only that, but the energetics of the myriad relics are attuning to a stable harmonic setpoint. To separate them now would only inflame their magicka! Not that I expect an angel to know that.”
The angel snarled. “Pleasantries are only extended to you as a courtesy, hellspawn. One more arrogant word out of that foul mouth and I will invert your healing setpoint.”
He cocked his head in confusion as her threat blossomed like a deathly flower. “Every soft, comfortable sensation will turn to unbearable pain as your body willfully rots itself from the inside out, blissfully unaware that is not repairing wounds, but manufacturing them. Only the excruciating sting of harmful magic would hold it at bay, for a while.”
Whilst the grim soliloquy played out, delving into how she would pay his insurance to keep putting him back together so he could start the cycle all over (what a gem, amirite?) I tested out one of the earrings forced on me. With it, I composed a psychic message that sent right to someone who had the gravitas to shut those idiots the hell up. With a flash of flame, Hecate appeared from her lamp, wearing an unamused frown.
She slapped the demon across his cheek and pointed menacingly. “Antagonism has no place in a joint mission of this import.”
Right as Tatanchael started to grin, she caught a seraphic hammerfist atop her head. “And you! Bait is for fish, and yet here you are, dangling from the devil’s hook.” A rebuttal was swiftly squashed with a hand over the mouth. “Save it for your weekly counseling.”
……
Some time later, in the secure room after scarfing down a reheated meal.
“Hecate?”
Her face appeared as a small flame from the lamp. “Yes?”
“Are… angels just psychotic or something? No offense, but y’all’re 3 for 3 in recent times.”
“I take no offense, though I must disagree. Even setting aside my status as not a true angel, I am simply designed to enjoy immolation and destruction by my hand, in a manner that scales with the quantity, challenge, and necessity of it. That is simply a feature that enables me to carry out the purging of a fractured world without pause.”
I sighed. “Okay, fine. I don’t feel like arguing semantics, or your mental state. What about Nidael?”
“Moreso a tragedy. I have witnessed it again and again, the true angels marching off from the heavens hoping to do good. But they are so susceptible to those around them. You surely know that the castle in which she works is a den of justified atrocities. It is the banal festering of moral intentions that slowly guides one to a self-justified path of infliction and suffering. I, for one, am glad you outed her, for it finally gave her superiors cause to recall her.”
“Ugh. Next you’ll tell me that Tatanchael is just a flawed little good girl or whatever.”
“No, she has diagnosed psychotic tendencies.”
“What?”
“Worry not. They manifest as hostility towards those who are not under her charge, so you are safe. It is well within the tolerances to remain an effective guardian angel.”
I shook my head with a smarmy expression. “Women.”
“That is not a funny joke. Say it again, and I will burn you, understand?
“Yes, ma’am.”
I rolled off the chair and onto the adjacent bed. With a deep exhale, I came to an epiphany. I once thought the demons were one-note scheming villains, who would double-cross, blackmail, and cheat their way to the top of the ladder, or towards the end goal of stealing your soul. They still were all of that, of course, but that was barely a third of what made them… them. When I looked past that loud minority of their hearts and souls, I saw that they were just people, even if a bit spicier.
Then my assumptions of the angels were falling into the same track. I assumed they were all sunshine and rainbows of perfectionism and exceptionalism. As with the demons, it was turning out to be both true and not their whole self. That wasn’t the epiphany, though.
The epiphany was that I had figured out the Hells and the demons in great depth and detail, and I somehow did not immediately take that knowledge and invert it slightly to apply to the literal opposite zone of the Heavens. I could have figured them out 20 years ago. Instead, I ignored them because they were boring and annoying.
And that right there was the epiphany: That I’m still kinda dumb sometimes.
……
Laying low, Day 6, morning, Drivellum-Lawson estate, portal room.
Mr. Droth read off the address book on its lectern. “Change portal alignment! Co-ordinates, 2, 5, 8, D, E, S, 16, A.”
Runes were placed into the configurable floor sigil with a sound effect that would make your average SG1 fan squint with suspicion.
“The portal is open. Confirming safety.”
Whilst our dear butler ran down his sacred checklist, I eyed Chivos, who was rather uncharacteristically dressed in khaki, with rolled sleeves and shorts, and a pith-like helmet. He also carried a ballistaff, a weapon analogous to an airbow, bearing the same implications of rich laziness and gadget-obsession.
“I can’t say I’ve seen you in your safari getup before.”
“I have neglected to invite you on such excursions in the past, owing to our busy schedules, and the work-adjacent nature exotic game hunts would have for you.” He adjusted his collar. “And today, said hobby will provide a sufficient explanation for my presence.”
“Hmm, yeah, that sounds about right. Some of the GCs at Meridian should get a kick out of the getup.”
“The portal is now ready, gentlemen!” Mr. Droth called out.
“Oh, good! Let’s roll,” I began, putting my best foot forward.
Matti appeared from my peripheral vision. “Not so fast. We go first, you follow after. Stick to the plan.”
I gave her a pouty frown, then jingle-jangled my over-equipped butt back to where I started. They proceeded on through the portal without me, and I awaited the signal to proceed. And waited. And waited. It felt like:
……
But it was actually about 2:45. I finally got the call to head through, so I stuck out my arms and jogged forward with them flapping ungracefully.
“HEY GUYS, WAIT UUUUUP!”

Afterword

The Beginning Wiki Part Thirty-One (first half)
The Cover Art
ko-fi art fund

Guys who think like this run the world. And as a result and thanks to them, we're in the middle of global ecological collapse and on the brink of global nuclear annihilation. And yet they can still bring themselves to say shit like this. https://x.com/joeldavisx/status/1794914363792556036 I mean, at this point, it isn't even offensive, It's just funny as fuck. "We're burning the planet down and leading the human species to extinction, but of we could just get rid of all the black & brown ppl, everything will be just dandy!" Lmfao🤣🤣🤣🤡 And ya know what. They've become such a threat to human existence that at this point if it could be feasibly done, I'd be happy to have us all separated from them. The problem is they don't leave us the fuck alone. They infest African nations, infest the Middle East and wreak havoc/devastation. Nothing and no one is safe from them. There's no escape. Nowhere on the planet. Hell, they won't even get the fuck outta South Africa. They're occupying northern African countries. Occupying the Middle East. Waging a full blown race war in the Middle East and exterminating us. There's no getting on a boat and getting away from them. That isn't how any of this works. .