Oslo peace scholarship

hey everyone — happy that college app szn is over :) could y’all give me some peace of mind or let me be realistic in how i approach this waitlist? penn is my dream school, and i’ve been wanting to go and luckily got on the waitlist, but i need to know the circumstances in which im dealing with. i know their WL admit rate is 3-4%, but i want to know if my chances are any higher given my stats.
PROFILE:

• Race: Asian
• Area: DC area
• NOTES: FGLI (first-gen, low-income), and was accepted into PEEP (penn early exploration program), submitted to penn with a QUESTBRIDGE app (was cps and ncm finalist)

GPA: 4.3 weighted (school doesn’t calculate unweighted) ACT: 30 (didnt submit)
EXTRACURRICULARS: - [county name] School Board Intern - D.C Public School Intern - U.S Dept of Ed Intern - FLL Student Coach - Manager at local bakery - Reading volunteer for low-income housing - Science fair mentor - Freshmen mentor - GW Teach Assistant - Class president
AWARDS: - Coke Semi Fin - 1st in a lot of latin exams (NLE, etymology) - 1st in a lot of science fairs - 20k Scholarship Awardee - Questbridge CPS and NCM
the “theme” of my app was education. i am an aspiring teacher and i made it be known that i would use my psych degree (major applied for at penn) to become the best future educator!
lmk if y’all think i should give up on hope

Hello. M28(indian) I got into a good central university for my bsc. In Varanasi. After that i did my msc. In between i met a girl. This whole post is about her. She was like a spring breeze. Mauritian, brown skin, short hair, never seen someone that pretty. I fell in love with her. But the scare remained of how we'll end up together. With time it became more evident. We started having fights. I started finding peace in places away from her. But i loved her. I never doubt it.
Some context about me. Average in studies, brahmin male , from below middle class. Everything was against me. Couldn't clear good colleges for MBA , so ended up trying again.
Sone context about her, comes from upper middle class, very rebellious, bold minded, came to india on scholarship, very smart, worked in EY and MCB
She came to visit me in india after she started earning, obviously she expected the same from me, I couldn't, with time my inclination towards my parents increased, my desire to provide them with amenities, their expectations everything increased.
We don't talk now as things are unclear, and she's trying dating to move on. But i know she loves me. I love her. Imagine, I've never felt love my whole life, as i never stayed with parents since childhood, never had a serious gf, vague upbringing by relatives. And then i met her, we faught alot but I'll choose fighting with her than loving anybody else.
I lacked in alot of things, i tried running away from her being scared that if ahe leaves I'll have no one left. Now she's gone. And i miss her. I don't know where she is or where she lives in mru. Maybe in moka somewhere. Do you suggest that i bring together all my resources and go see her, maybe that'll solve a few things?

(32) Deux Ans de vacances (Two Years' Vacation, 1888) (2 volumes) 105K words
The 32nd Extraordinary Voyage takes us back to the South Pacific Ocean for a robinsonade, the third book by Verne in this genre (after the epic "The Mysterious Island" and the more light-hearted "Godfrey Morgan"). It is also the second out of four Verne novels with children as main characters (the others are "Dick Sand, A Captain at Fifteen", "Foundling Mick" and "Travel Scholarships").
First read or reread?: This is a reread for me. I loved it when I read it as a kid, being one of my favorites in the series.
What is it about?: Fourteen boys of three different nationalities, aged between eight and fourteen, all boarders at a New Zealand school, were about to start a six-week summer trip by sea. Unfortunately, the night before their departure, while the schooner's crew were still ashore, the moorings unfastened under unknown circumstances and the ship drifted to sea. Caught by a terrible storm, they are cast upon a deserted land, where they must try to get along together despite their internal rivalries in order to survive.
When rereading a childhood favorite there's always some concern that the magic may be lost, that it might be better not to spoil the memories by revisiting these books. On the other hand, given that I'm enjoying this project of reading all the Extraordinary Voyages, why shouldn't that be the case with this one?
I'm happy to report that the magic was still there for me. Yes, I'm no longer the same age as the characters of this novel, an ideal age to marvel at the adventures and resourcefulness of this group of kids, but this is still a genuinely good adventure novel, and it awakened many memories of different passages that I hadn't thought about for decades but that, it turns out, I still remembered well, so deep an impression they made on me at the time.
Unlike the partly satirical and light-hearted "Godfrey Morgan" this is a serious robinsonade, in the vein of "The Mysterious Island". One problem with this genre is that, after so many novels, it tends to tread familiar ground. You know how it goes: the shipwreck, getting to an unknown land, the problem of finding fresh water, food and refuge, taking stock of the resources that have been saved, exploring the surroundings, trying to find a mean of leaving or being rescued...
Verne, however, succeeds in keeping this story fresh and giving it individuality, first by having a group of boys, between 14 and 8 years old, as the castaways, without any adult to lead them. Their inexperience and the need to take care of the younger ones add a level of tension to the story, and makes their triumphs more meritorious. Because of the age of the characters, it has a certain additional young adult flavor.
Another tool that Verne uses to good effect here is the internal conflict and personality clashes within the group, exacerbated by the difference in nationalities (most of the boys are British, with a couple of French brothers and one American). The struggles of the young castaways to govern themselves and decide who among them should lead becomes an important theme. Very different, for example, from "The Mysterious Island", where the group of adult characters did not really have internal struggles and had a clear leader in the uber-competent engineer Cyrus Smith. Having these conflicts among the main group of characters who share the same objective is unusual in Verne, although he did it for example in "The Adventures of Three Englishmen and Three Russians in South Africa".
In this sense, we could compare this book, perhaps, to other two classic novels that feature a group of schoolboys shipwrecked on a desert island: "The Coral Island" (1857) by R. M. Ballantyne and "Lord of the Flies" (1954) by William Golding. The boys in "The Coral Island", although their group is much smaller, have a mostly idyllic relationship, with no infighting. In "Lord of the Flies", of course, the opposite is true, to a catastrophic extent. "Two Years' Vacation" avoids both extremes, and it feels the more real for it. The boys in this novel are never in any danger of murdering each other, and yet their disputes represent a real threat to their cooperation. Without this being in any way a deep psychological study, I think this internal conflict makes the characters seem more real and helps the readers care about them. Even the boys who are in the wrong are not villains: they may be flawed, but they have their good qualities and are admirable in some ways, which is a subtlety that I think serves the story well.
As a curiosity, there was actually a real-life situation in 1965 where a group of schoolboys were shipwrecked on a desert island for more than a year. Civilization and the human tendency to cooperate won out, and it was very different from "Lord of the Flies" ( https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/may/09/the-real-lord-of-the-flies-what-happened-when-six-boys-were-shipwrecked-for-15-months )
Coming back to this novel, the pacing is good. Verne was playing to his strengths here, except for the fact that we have no science fiction elements and no fabulous vehicles. (Although, Verne being Verne, at one point we have the characters building a giant kite to raise one of them in the air in order to reach a higher observation point.) It feels very classic Verne, at a time when the author was writing a bunch of historical novels which are quite competent, but which probably do not capture the imagination as much as his best-known works. This one could have been written at the beginning of his career, which is why I say that any attempt to divide Verne's work in two different periods has to be seen just as a tendency and not as a fixed rule.
I could see some of the defects in this book that I was too inexperienced to notice when I first read it. For example, the unrealistic fauna, too diverse for such an isolated environment with such extreme winter weather. But then, this is a very Vernian thing. What the author did not know, he invented, and with our 21st century knowledge we sometimes notice unrealistic elements that Verne's contemporary readers probably would miss. Not that this prevented me in any way from enjoying the story, though.
This one is also interesting as an example of race issues in Verne's work. One of the characters, Moko, is a black child, a ship's boy who is the only member of the crew who was in the ship at the time it got unmoored. He is depicted in a positive manner, sensible, brave, resourceful, loyal... But at the same time, when it comes to voting for a leader there's never any question of him taking part in the process. There's a class difference here, but I have no doubt that it's because of his race that everyone (including himself) takes it for granted that he doesn't vote. I have seen Goodreads reviewers bemoaning this implicit racism, and if this were a historical novel written today it would go differently, but, you know, it's how things were, and if we rewrite history to make it seem that this was not the case, we are only fooling ourselves.
According to Verne scholars, the writer based the character of Briant, a French boy who is one of the leaders of the shipwrecked boys, on Aristide Briand, a charismatic school friend of his son Michel who would much later go on to serve eleven terms as Prime Minister of France during the French Third Republic and receive the 1926 Nobel Peace Prize. Michel Verne, meanwhile, would serve as the inspiration for Gordon, the American boy who is less brilliant than the rivals Briant and Doniphan but who is quite sensible and practical, trying to maintain peace between the two factions (I guess by this point the relationship between Jules Verne and his son had already improved).
Enjoyment factor: Very high. Still one of my favorite Vernes. I think this story deserves to be better known, and it would be if it were written by a different author, but Verne has so many famous novels that some good ones get lost in the group. Being a straightforward adventure story with no science fiction elements probably does not help it get noticed. Funnily enough, this one is very popular in Japan, of all places, and, to be fair, it is one of the most popular among Verne's lesser-known novels.
Next up: Family Without a Name

I think biden should form an alliance with gcc, iran, palestine. With this they should force the resignation of netenyahu peacefully or not and split the land directly in half dividing from islamic and jewish holy places in jerusalem. lower part goes to palestine and upper part goes to israel.
Build a huge wall to seperate them
And kick back the palestinians and israelis to their respective new land.
Leftist jews in israel and secular jews in usa already hates and sees through netenyahu to begin with since he wants to be a dictator(pre oct 7 only news you see coming from israel is protest against netenyahu powergrabing authority from the judicial branch coming closer to becoming a unrestricted dictator), this is just my conspiracy theory but i think netenyahu calculated and wanted that attack to distract his detractors and stop them, i think idf attack of a historical sacred mosque with ppl doing a pilgrimage during a holy day thay happened months b4 oct 7 is part of that calculation to instigate and get a big reaction. Also it has been on recording and videos that israel right wingers and netenyahu loves hamas and helped fund hammas cuz they could easily use them to prevent any peace deals and continue the war to excuse the expansion and occupation of palestinian lands that was agreed upon during oslo accords
I know people might argue that this would mean palestinian will be stealing the homes and building already built by israelis, but jewish immigrants did this on the conception of the state of israel(to this day in westbank). So it seems fair to my mind.
People might also argue that netenyahu can just run to russia or china. But my rebuttal to that is let them. Cuz this will mean that usa now no longer has problems with terrorist attacks and now russia and china has to experience another terry attack, but now its going to be weekly or daily. Both countries already have wars going on with them that they are strugling(1 is economic, the other is economic and physical war) i dont think they can handle a 2 front war. Also unintended benefit of terries attacking china and russia and not usa is usa further solidifies its global power which is already ahead after covid and ukrain war. Which also means usa economy and stock market goes higher as it becomes a solid safe haven for global money
In my opinion usa protecting israel has cause nothing but problems for us. To defend their stance, politicians cry and say israel provides security for us from the muslim countries who hates us, but if you use a couple brain cells they only hate us cuz we consent to israel's occupation of palestine land(westbank specificaly)this means they are an appartheid, im not even gonna mention the fact that we bombed them for oil and interfering to their governments.
Other than weapon trade sales and terrorist intelligence all we are getting from hemoraging money for israel is pleasing the conservative politicians and voters who specificaly subscribe to the chrisitan interpretation of end times death cult.
I think if Biden is smart enough he should do this to once and for all end the israel/palestine dispute.
Then he should pivot this to the bigger picture which is forming an alliance and trade treaties to the actual people of the dessert. This i think will pretty much end all terrorist attacks we are getting and lower energy cost in the globe. Plus this gives the usa more budgetary leeway to spend less on military and to the people of usa.
The alliance could even agree to give a very small percentage of the oil money(its going to be alot) that opens up from this trade treaty to palestinian rebuilding their government for a period of time maybe 10-20 years.

hi everyone, this is going to be a long post but basically i (18F) met my now boyfriend/ex (19M) when i was 15 at a family friend's house. the day we met each other, it was like love at first sight. i remember the day i met him, i just knew that one day he was going to become important to me. for the next year and a half, i was obsessively crushing over him. i only saw him every couple of months when we would go to family friend parties. for context, we are both pakistani muslim so we only ever saw each other with other pakistani muslims. i went a little crazy and stalked him all over the internet, just because i wanted to see more of him. then one day in december of 2021, we both get invited to a mutual friend's 16th birthday party, where no aunties and uncles were allowed. i was so nervous because i didn't know many people at this party, and i knew he was going to be there and wanted to make a good impression. instead of being cute and social, i sat in the corner because i quite literally had no friends. i was so embarrassed because i thought he was going to think i was a loser. but instead, he came up to me and struck up a conversation. i was so shocked, this was officially the best thing that had ever happened to me. we ended up talking in the corner of the party for an hour and exchanged socials and numbers.
since that day, we texted every day. i was so happy, the guy i was crushing on for a year and a half actually liked me back. but, when my mom found out about this, she was mad. she told me to cut him off immediately, that she didn't like him and didn't want me to be associated with him in any kind of romantic way. i told her we were just friends, and that it was nothing to worry about because i was so excited to be talking to him i didn't want to let it go. i also genuinely thought that eventually she would warm up to it, and that she was just being protective because i was only 16. so we kept texting, and i downplayed how serious it was to my mom and brushed it off as friendly. seven months later, we decide we want to make things official. at this point, i knew my mom wasn't going to be happy with this, so i told him we have to hide it. he said he was ok with it because he really liked me, so we did. a couple weeks later my mom caught us falling asleep on facetime, and confronted me about how this definitely is not platonic anymore. i told her i really really really liked him, and she said she didn't care because she hated him. she wants me to be with someone who is going to become a doctor, and my bf is not on that track. i decided to lie and tell her i was cutting him off, and kept texting him behind her back. in the span of about a year, we got caught about 3 times, and every time i lied and said i cut him off.
fast forward to the end of 2023, we're both graduating high school and somehow still hiding this relationship. both extremely happy, finding a way to make things work even though we couldn't see each other. we still had date nights by watching movies together and giving each other gifts by making slideshows for each other about how much we love each other. sometimes, i would find ways to sneak around just to go see him for an hour. anyways, i found out i had earned a full ride scholarship with a 1% acceptance rate to the university he happened to be committed to. before earning this scholarship, i had plans to attend a college 3 hours away and to just keep doing long distance like we had been, but that he would visit every so often. but plans changed when i got the scholarship, and we were both going to college together and were finally able to be together in peace, since i had been unable to see him all this time. then, the summer before we go to college, his parents get a divorce, and other scandalous things happen that gave his family a bad reputation. this made things even worse, as my mom even further emphasized that i absolutely cannot have anything to do with him because of his family. i was heartbroken because this had nothing to do with our relationship, it was all family matters that was out of our hands. i decided to keep the relationship going because it had nothing to do with him as a person or our relationship, and we were attending the same college anyway.
we get to college and a lot of things go downhill for us. we had never been in a normal, in-person relationship and it took a lot of adjusting. both of us were immature and were not good at navigating this. on top of that, tensions with our parents were getting worse and worse. my mom inserted herself into all the drama with his family and smeared their name even more because she knew i liked him and had been involved with him, and didnt want the rest of the community finding out and thinking differently of me. so she decided to try to smear their family's name so hard in order to drive them and my bf further away. she went around calling my bf an obsessed loser who wont leave me alone, even though we both wanted to be with each other. these tensions on top of us not being able to navigate our own personal relationship problems led to him breaking up with me in november of 2023. at this point, i was so incredibly heartbroken that i came clean to my mom about everything because i felt like i had nowhere else to turn to. in my first semester of college i was so consumed with trying to fix our relationship that i didnt create a community for myself and ended up completely alone with no friends. so, i turned to my mom for support through my breakup. she accepted my wrongdoings and told me she would help me get over him. so for the next 4 months, that's what we worked toward. she got me a therapist, a gym membership, and offered a lot of support for me to better myself which i am eternally grateful for.
then in april of 2024, my then ex bf broke no contact. he said breaking up with me was the worst decision he ever made. for context, when we broke up, he told me he was going to turn toward religion and better himself because he felt like our relationship failed because of the stress of our families, and because he wasn't good enough. but, that spring, he ended up rushing a fraternity and turning towards alcohol and partying and talking to other girls. when i heard of this, i felt so betrayed and hurt and decided to forever close that chapter of my life. i spent a lot of time working on myself, creating a life for myself at my college that i didn't have before, and trying to move on in the same way he was by talking to other guys and drinking and partying. i felt soulless and empty and lost in life. i had never drank in my life until the breakup, and i felt like i was going down a dark path. not to mention my gpa fell extremely hard. but in another way, i had achieved a lot of peace in not stressing about family matters and rebuilding my relationship with my mom, and overall worked toward a healthier mindset and worked on my shortcomings that i saw in the relationship.
i thought i was over him until he reached out, and asked if there was every any hope of us getting back together. i wanted to ignore the family issues and what my mom wanted to figure this out for myself, because if i truly wasn't over him then it wouldn't be fair to the next person im with if i never tried as hard as i could to make things work with my ex. so i left my mom's opinion out of it and decided to give him the opportunity to prove that he had changed and wasn't going to make the same mistakes as last semester. our main problems last semester was that i was anxiously attached and he was avoidantly attached, and i always wanted to spend time with him and he ended up constantly ditching me for his new friends. but in any time that he slipped up, instead of handling things maturely i used to yell at him and call him names, which was also extremely toxic. anyway, i gave him a list of things that he needed to change before i would reconsider. to be honest, he completed this list perfectly. he made time for me, made me his first priority, all the things i had ever wanted him to do. i could see that he was actively working toward changing and being better for me, and even started going to therapy. i had also improved a lot over the course of our breakup, and was able to handle any setbacks a lot more calmly and maturely. but i was still wary because it had only been a month, so i was still trying to gauge if our relationship as individuals was even going to work out in the long run before i got my mom involved again. so i started to lie again, just as i did before. then, my mom noticed that we refollowed each other on instagram (i guess that was kind of stupid of us but i didn't know she was actively checking my following). ever since she noticed, she became suspicious of us rekindling and started calling me multiple times a day to see what i was up to. which, rightfully so, because i was in fact lying again. but again, i was trying to figure this relationship out for myself to see if it was even what i wanted, and i didn't want to bring any family matters into it since that was a big reason why we had broken up in the past. i wanted to see if we could work as individuals. and honestly, this past month has been absolutely amazing, and i have felt a lot more grounded and focused in life, and my grades were even getting better.
last week, my mom started texting his dad telling him to keep his son away from me. she had no tangible evidence of us being together, but somehow she just knew. his dad knew we were talking again and was ok with it, and lied for us so we could protect our peace. she kept texting him every week. yesterday, i moved back home because the semester was over and she looked through all of my things and found an extremely vulnerable note he wrote me while we were working things out, stating how sorry he was for everything and how he loved me so much and wanted to make things work. i was unable to lie to her anymore when she told me she found the note, and i was once again caught redhanded. she called my ex and cussed him out, telling him to stay away from me and that no matter what he does, no matter how well he treats me, she will never, ever accept him. she told him that the day he broke up with me was the best day of her life and she wishes it stayed that way, which was honestly hurtful to hear considering it was an extreme low point for me. she then called his dad and told her she doesn't understand why her son likes me, because i'm lazy and stupid and would be better off getting married off and being pulled out of school. she told me im a disappointment to the family and im a desperate loser who is dragging her family name into the gutter. she said im filthy and dirty and have no faith in Allah, and she thinks im devious and evil for lying straight to her face for all these years. she has threatened to get my father involved (who none of us have a good relationship with because my parents are also divorced) and also my grandfather.
i am really torn and don't know what to do. i know my ex/bf isn't perfect and has made a lot of mistakes in the past, but i really truly do love him with all my heart and know deep down, he is a good person who wants to become better. all of my friends who know him personally speak so highly of him and can attest to this. it feels unfair that i can't figure out my own life without my mom's interference, all because she just doesn't like him. i guarantee that if a guy that she liked for me treated me 10x worse, she would tell me to make things work as much as possible. i have asked her her reasoning on why she hates him, but she gives me none, just that she does and she always has and always will. her reasoning doesn't even involve his mistreatment of me during the relationship or the fact that he broke my heart, it is just because of her hatred for him. so i really feel like it's not for my best interest as she claims, but it's just because i'm not doing what she wants. does anyone have advice? especially from any desis/muslims who have also had to deal with the whole brown community and reputation thing?

Life’s too much.
I need a safe space to unload my heart. I’m a female (25) and have lived on my own since 15.. ive always worked hard, paid all my bills, and even had up to 15k saved. Bought my 1st car, had a great job. Had an apartment. Enrolled in a technical school. I was in a toxic relationship from 19-23, a relationship where my ex tried to kill me, yes, you read that right. He was charged for a felony, set for bail and 3 days after he bonded out, I was forced into court for almost 2 years since the state pressed charges. Not me. The same month my domestic happened I started school, I even tried to attend school black blue I took a leave for as long as I could. I missed too many hours for court and bc my mental state was gone after almost dying and I used up my leave lost my scholarship, I couldn’t complete school which has cost me 23,000 in debt. I couldn’t work,my efforts in working non stop disapated. I cried so much, had night terrors, had cameras put up and stopped going anywhere. They also took his ankle monitor off in concern he would get an “infection” I was so scared he’d finish me off. He used to threaten he knew people if I spoke wrong. I was constantly in and out of the doctor and emergency room, lost my job bc I wasn’t the same, I was late, totally zoned out, fatigued, I was In constant court, constantly asked questions. I shut down. I put myself in a crisis facility for mental help bc I have no support I’m on my own… I lost everything, I took out two credit cards to help me pay for my bills and couldn’t keep up on solo payments for the space we lived which I ended up collecting a total of 10k CC debt, now my APRs are fucking me, I have a stupid chip in my front tooth where I bit him during an attempt to escape. ultimately when the case closed he only paid me $1k for medical, he’s on 8 years probation, and I was told I’d have to take him to civil court for anything more than medical; this cost me my health, mental, job, life. My brain doesn’t even work the same. No attorney here will take my case and I can’t afford to pay it… at all to even try to sue for damages. I asked family for help. Begged actually, called every attorney to get continual referral to each other bc no one wants to deal with immigration services (my ex isn’t a citizen) and felony domestics. My family told me I should’ve left sooner and that it’s my fault for letting him take me away and lay hands on me, but he was manipulative and would put me unconscious if I were to disagree. I only asked for advice or connections or help for a lawyer (I’m adopted and my adoptive family is toxic and that’s why I moved on my own 15-23) I contacted them after my domestic begging for financial advice or help. I’m in so much debt in 2 years, lost my education opportunities, have been diagnosed with PTSD, he’s also walking around the same town as me. I still see his car, his parents own business here, I work constantly, barely pay my debt or bills, I skip meals to pay them, I’ve slept in my car, cut all I can out. I have no one to help, I’ve been staying with my best friend, but I sleep in her room and all my stuff is in storage. I went from having everything I built for myself since a teen to having it all stripped away in a matter of minutes, second he tried to end my life. Everything changed over night. I’ve done everything right. I did all I could to survive. I lost everything. I don’t know what else to do. I have nothing. I had to move jobs, locations (same city), changed everything bc of it all. I’m so scared. Everyone seems to think I’m so positive and strong, So Many times I wish he would’ve finished off killing me, so that I didn’t suffer the lost of everything I built by myself… I feel guilty for allowing everything I did to be take. It’s like he won. I’m heartbroken, lonely, discouraged, broke. I dont have any clue what I’m doing or how to come up with a game plan. I was so close to getting out of the relationship with him, he knew I was leaving is why he tried to kill me. I always have a game plan. I’ve always had only me. I’ve done the numbers over and over. Wrote them out. Keep my bank constant over drawn between checks. I have no one to tell this to. I’m out of options. I’m embarrassed. I’ve been coping with this. Two years ago I knew it would catch up. I have no options. None. I’ve made the calls, ive asked for help. I have zero will to be alive but I smile everyday, work everyday, help clean, raise family, I have nothing now. I don’t have kids, or anything to hold me, I’ve sold all I can to make payments. Stopped buying certain things. Idk what to do. I don’t wanna live like this. He’s already won. I’m exauhsted. I’m thankful for my job and roof over my head, but I miss what was stolen from me. I don’t recongnize myself anymore. I can’t get any of it back. No matter how many hours I work, how many things I try. I’m fucked. My ex almost killed me, but I’m the one who’s punished in a way. I wanna be free. It’s like his last laugh and power over me. I don’t wanna fight. I’m so tired. I’m burnt out. There’s no end line. No finacial option, nothing. I’m already working what I can.. that’s it. Idk if anyone will read this, but it gives me peace to have said it.

Im from a developing country, my family only earn about 500usd per month. I have an older brother that have been jobless for more than a year and is not trying to get a job. He is just a leech at this point. My dad is 63 years old and is gonna retire in 2 years. I don't think that he has more than 10k USD in his retirement fund. Poverty has been passed down within my family for few generations. My mom doesn't even have a bank account. I know the details of every bills because I have to pay for it since my family don't know how to pay for it. I managed to get straight a for my important high school exam and did get a 100% tuition wave from my university but I still have to borrow loan to cover my daily expenses. My brother despite being 5 years older than me still borrow money from me just to buy himself a gaming PC. He did not pay me back. I told my mom about this after 1 year and she said she will pay me back the amount. My brother even tried to borrow money from me just to buy Armored Core 6. I have no one to talk to. Most of my friends cannot understand my situation because we just live in a different world. I bought everything myself. I never asked my parents for money. I am now a useless jobless fresh graduate with nothing. Having goal and dream is not a basic right for me, it is a luxury. This may be the first time ever in my life that I can really talk about how I feel, it should also be the last and only time. Since I was a child, I have been taught to hide my feeling, I cant cry when I feel sad because my mom will just beat me and scold me. I cannot show the desire for any toys because I know my family cannot afford it. Even as a child, I don't feel any unconditional love. My mom told me when I was a toddler that I was picked up from a nearby garbage can. I still remember that I went to sleep next to a garbage can that night thinking that the garbage can is my mom. My mom will also constantly get into argument with my dad and threatening to divorce. She will often leave the house for few hours. That was one time when my brother cut out my mom's head from the family photo telling me mom will never return again. We got used to this situation afterwards as it happened so many times. Now that I think back, I remember that was also a time where I was used by my mom and dad as an emotional dumpster when they get into argument. My mom will told me GO TELL YOUR DAD blablabla and I have to convey the message to my dad then my dad will do the same thing, I need to keep repeating the process until both of them are tired. For me my home don't feel like a home, its a jail that is constantly depleting my sanity. I already tried my best, yet it seems like my best just isn't enough to survive in today's world. I feel sad because I never receive any birthday gift, I always though its because I'm not good enough. The last time someone hug me was during my high school graduation ceremony, he was my society's teacher. I really appreciate it and I think it was the first time someone hug me? Its been 5 years tho. Now that I'm interviewing for jobs most ppl will told me to sell yourself like a product in order to get a job. I have been fighting with depression and anxiety for almost 2 years. I'm inferior, people will just throw me aside as there are so many people in today's world. Seeing more than 100 applicants applying for 1 job is really depressing. Guess I'm just not strong enough to survive in today's world. I don't want anyone to help me anymore because I just want to obtain peace even at the cost of my life. I know I'm a trash and society shouldn't waste the resources on me as I am replaceable, just throw a random rock on the street and I'm sure the society can find someone better than me. I don't really have any friends to talk to anymore. Most of the conversations are probably from few weeks or months before. I know they are having a decent life, decent jobs and I don't want to spread any of my negativity to them. Thats why I don't feel like talking to them. Im never significant anyway. For my whole life I have been thinking about others, that's why i dont feel alive, dont feel like a person. This is the only time i want to be selfish and take my own life without caring about the feeling of others. I am tired please let me rest. The reason I got depression and anxiety is due to the pressure from the scholarship,I have to maintain my cgpa at 3.5 to continue getting it, I struggle because I'm not smart enough. I did told some of my frens but they said I will be fine. I'm not fine, especially surrounded by people that don't try to understand you. We truly live in 2 different worlds. I don't have any energy left, no motivation to do anything, just counting down until the day I plan to take my own life. Even if i don't do it now, i will still do it later, so why prolong the suffering.

About that frequently stated "don't conflate Judaism with Zionism",
We have a tradition of tolerance, we're a big tent, we tend not to kick people out of the tribe for different interpretations of Judaism.
I'm finding out through reading tweets and articles there seems to be a major divide at the college my child will be going to in the Fall. This is a college with a deep history of Jewish scholarship. There's a Reconstructionist Rabbi there who's anti-Zionist. (My daughter was Bat Mitzvahed at a Reconstructionist congregation by a bongo playing Rabbi and guitar playing Israeli cantor.)
The anti-Zionist Rabbi is apparently leading chants of "Free free Palestine". (From what I've gathered so far she is at odds with other Jewish leaders at the school? I hope...)
Now, if they were out there protesting for peace, for a 2ss, that would be one thing. But what "Free free Palestine" means is the destruction of Israel. Free free Palestine.. from what? This isn't like Free Tibet. For one thing, there's no mainland China for the Israelis to retreat to. And Hamas has no Dalai Lama.
What that Rabbi is demonstrating to students is a callous disregard for the consequences of her words. Her movement is willfully throwing the Jews of Israel to the proverbial wolves, and in the name of Judaism (complete with a modified Seder).
Now about this ancient chant,
"Hear oh Israel, my Lord is our God, my Lord is one. One, is our God; big, is our Lord, blessed be His name."
This is the literal translation of the opening sentence of the Shema. Theology aside, it says that there is a group, a tribe, a unity. Breeching that unity is anti-Jewish. It's one thing to be tolerant and have a big ideological tent. It's quite another to callously call for the destruction of half of one's tribe.
Free free Palestine means the destruction of Israel, and October 7 showed us how that would play out. There are ways to advocate for peace that don't endanger the mishpocha.
And, this extreme politicization on college campuses, subjects all the kids to peer pressure they shouldn't have to face as students. They're there to develop their minds, learn about the world, and form their own thoughts and opinions.
The death of innocents is terrible. However, demanding that Israel unalive itself in order to prevent those deaths, is not the way. I don't want to get too much into the politics but there’s a major blind spot in placing all the blame and responsibilty on Israel and the US. The entities that have been and continue to perpetuate the lie that the land belongs to Palestine, need to look in the mirror. Most people don't even know what the ownership structure was, and instead of researching it they just assume the worst about Israel.

Link: https://wearecolumbia.org
May 3, 2024
To President Shafik and the Trustees of Columbia University,
We, the undersigned Columbia alumni—a diverse body of graduates across Columbia’s various schools and programs, spanning cultures, religions, and faiths—write to express our firm and unwavering solidarity with all students, staff, and Columbia community members taking principled action to stop the University’s continued collaboration with the Israeli government’s ongoing genocidal violence against Palestinians. As a unified coalition, we each pledge to withhold all financial, programmatic, and academic support of Columbia University until the demands in this letter are met.
The student movement for Palestine is an ethically urgent one. Columbia University maintains an undisclosed number of investments with entities known to fund or profit from the Israeli military occupation, meaning that Columbia is financially and morally enabling the ongoing indiscriminate killing of Palestinians. Students—who paid $1.53 billion in tuition last year alone—are rightfully demanding that they have a say in where that money goes. We are in full support of Columbia University divesting from Israel, and we are beyond appalled at how far University administration has gone to protect their investments at the expense of student safety and intellectual inquiry.
We condemn in the harshest terms the administration’s brutal repression of student speech and assembly, which culminated in President Shafik’s decision to call the NYPD’s Strategic Response Group (SRG) to violently storm campus on April 30th, shortly after the initial arrests of over 100 students on April 17th. Press and Legal Observers were both barred access to campus, allowing NYPD to make arrests without third-party documentation. The SRG has been denounced by the New York Civil Liberties Union for its “unchecked brutality” and disproportionate use of force. So far, we have seen reports that students were subject to military tactics, including the use of stun grenades, flash bangs, and gunfire; that police severely injured multiple students; that many were denied access to medication, food, and water once in police custody; that police forcibly removed Muslim students’ hijabs in the presence of men, an unforgivable violation of their religious rights; and other alarming instances of mistreatment. We hold President Shafik and her administration responsible for a total failure of their duty of care.
Notably, the recent student protests follow years of student advocacy for a divestiture from Israel. Past votes have been ignored by the University administration. Most recently, the Columbia College student body overwhelmingly passed a divestment referendum (by 76.55%), which also included canceling the Tel Aviv Global Center and ending the dual degree program between the School of General Studies and Tel Aviv University. The Barnard student body voted on the same referendum with 90.99% voting in favor. The university refuses to reckon with these votes in good faith.
Peaceful escalation is a longstanding part of Columbia’s legacy of student activism—a legacy which Columbia itself often uses to recruit prospective students. On April 30th, 1968, exactly 56 years ago, Columbia student protesters occupied campus buildings to demand an end to the Vietnam War and Columbia’s planned displacement of Black and Brown communities. In response, the Columbia administration deployed the NYPD to suppress the peaceful student protest. The University has since admitted that it regrets doing so, yet eagerly repeated the same calculated repression.
In 1983, Columbia students with the Coalition for a Free South Africa initiated a three-week blockade of Hamilton Hall, leading to Columbia becoming the first Ivy League to divest from South Africa. History has since vindicated the fight against South African apartheid, and we are once again witnessing a youth movement lead the moral consciousness of the nation. We urge Columbia to learn from its own history—failures and successes alike—and follow the lead of its student activists at this pivotal moment.
Presently, Columbia University’s administration is using language about combating antisemitism and restoring order and safety to campus in order to justify their brutal assault on student protesters. We wholly reject this dangerous and intellectually disingenuous rhetoric. The signatories among us who are Jewish reject the narrative that any criticism of Israel or of Zionism is inherently antisemitic. The movement for Palestinian liberation, on campus and globally, is often led by Jewish people of many nations. Weaponizing claims about antisemitism to silence student speech is based on faulty logic, harms Jewish students, and distracts from true antisemitism, including the attempts by a craven American right to tokenize, exploit, and appropriate Jewish trauma and resilience.
Under the guise of “order and safety,” Columbia University has repeatedly failed to protect students of color from harassment and has actively engaged in the hindrance of their civil rights. As of May 2024, the University has failed to hold accountable the former Israeli soldiers who carried out a chemical attack on protesting students in January 2024, despite documentation confirming students’ exposure to toxic chemicals. In President Shafik’s testimony to Congress, she dismissed the use of the chemical weapon as just an “odorous substance.” This exposes an alarming difference in disciplinary action taken against students based on identity and political ideology, and further contradicts any claim Columbia administration may make about creating a safe and diverse campus.
For the reasons above, the undersigned alumni pledge to withhold all financial, programmatic, and academic support until the following demands are met, via good faith collaboration with Columbia University Apartheid Divest (CUAD):
For Palestinian Liberation and Human Rights

• Divest from all companies and institutions that fund or profit from Israeli apartheid, genocide, and occupation in Palestine.
• Ensure accountability by increasing transparency around financial investments.
• Release a statement calling for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza.

For the Safety, Dignity, and Civil Rights of our Students

• Drop charges against student activists and reverse expulsions, suspensions and disciplinary action.
• End the policing and militarization of Columbia’s campus by removing and banning the NYPD. Continuous NYPD presence on campus until May 17th is unconscionable.
• Finance the healthcare needed for the students brutalized by the NYPD on April 30, 2024.
• Return and reimburse students for their stolen and vandalized belongings.
• Reinstate Students for Justice in Palestine and Jewish Voice for Peace consistent with principles of free speech and academic freedom.
• End the targeted repression of Palestinian students and their allies on campus.

For the Safety, Integrity, and Well-being of Columbia and Surrounding Community

• Hold accountable faculty members, administrators, and any other University affiliates who have harassed and assaulted student human rights defenders.
• Sever all academic ties with Israel, including Columbia’s Global Center in Tel Aviv and the GS Dual Degree program with Tel Aviv University.
• Invest in the Morningside Heights Community by ceasing its expansion, provide reparations, and support housing for low-income Harlem residents. No more land grabs in Harlem, Lenapehoking, or Palestine.
• Remove Minouche Shafik from her position as University President.

In the last 209 days, over two million Gazans have been displaced and over 42,510 have been killed. The students’ words have reached the besieged population of Gaza, many of whom are now grouped around Rafah, anticipating invasion. The University must now act boldly in support of Palestinian life and liberation—a sentiment echoed throughout Columbia’s own Core Curriculum, scholarship, and purported values. Anything less is a betrayal of the core lessons we were taught at Columbia University.
Signed,
Alumni in Solidarity

Just wanted to people to know what they are actually saying when they decide to join in on the chants.
Note that some people have different interpretations of what the chants mean and I think we should all be aware of how others view them.
Here is a good article looking at both sides of the chant:
https://www.vox.com/world-politics/23972967/river-to-sea-palestine-israel-hamas
This is the Anti-Defamation League's interpretation of the chant:
“From the River to the Sea, Palestine Will Be Free”. "This rallying cry has long been used by anti-Israel voices, including supporters of terrorist organizations such as Hamas and the PFLP, which seek Israel’s destruction through violent means. It is fundamentally a call for a Palestinian state extending from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea, territory that includes the State of Israel, which would mean the dismantling of the Jewish state. It is an antisemitic charge denying the Jewish right to self-determination, including through the removal of Jews from their ancestral homeland." [adl.org]
“Globalize the Intifada” is a phrase used by pro-Palestinian activists that calls for aggressive resistance against Israel and those who support Israel. The most prominent expressions of intifada have been through violence so this phrase is often understood by those saying and hearing it as encouraging violence against Israelis, Jews, and institutions supporting Israel. While the intent of the person saying this phrase may be different, the impact on the Jewish community remains the same" [ajc.org]
“Intifada” is an Arabic word meaning “uprising” or “rebellion.” It generally refers to two specific outbreaks of violence: the First Intifada, which lasted from 1987 to 1991; and the Second Intifada, from 2000 to approximately 2005.
The First Intifada erupted in December 1987. It is widely regarded to have been sparked by an unfortunate traffic accident in which an Israeli army truck collided with a car, killing four Palestinian workers. Despite objective evidence of this being an accident, Palestinians claimed it was a purposeful targeting of Palestinian civilians. The rumour spread, and, gradually, civil disobedience, protests, and violence by the Palestinian population ensued. The First Intifada was marked by the throwing of stones and Molotov cocktails by Palestinian youths against the IDF. There were also widespread economic boycotts by the Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza. The violence of the First Intifada resulted in almost 200 Israeli casualties and almost 2,000 Palestinian casualties. The violent uprising resulted in a significant change to the status quo in Gaza and the West Bank. It ended with the Madrid Peace Conference in 1991, which eventually led to the Oslo Peace Process beginning in 1993.
The Second Intifada erupted in September 2000. Documentation collected from Yasser Arafat’s compound at the time proved that the plan for a violent uprising against the Israelis had been in the works for months, if not years. Unlike the First Intifada, the Second was marked less by civil disobedience and more by blood and destruction. Palestinian suicide bombers were deployed by Arafat’s Fatah party (and their militant arm, the Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade), as well as by Hamas and the Palestinian Islamic Jihad terrorist organizations. Soon after the start of the Second Intifada, a pair of Israelis accidentally ended up in Ramallah, where they were lynched by a Palestinian crowd before their bodies were tossed out the windows of a building. Over the course of five years, suicide bombers targeted civilians throughout Israel, including in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, at cafés, restaurants, hotels, wedding ceremonies, shopping malls, nightclubs, and bus stations. " [cija.ca]

This is my first hand account as the youngest of 3 daughters, with a loving, hardworking mom but lazy, narcissistic dad with anger management issues. It's going to be a long story, basically my whole life story, because I feel that sharing some of my experiences growing up, may help bring more context to the situation I'm in today. I'm also a certified banana (non-Chinese speaking Chinese), and do identify as a ABC: American Born Chinese.
Growing up, I wasn't really allowed to go out from my house except for friends' birthday parties, and to go to school (obviously). My dad was a sales manager, and my mom ran a retail shop selling bags up till I was in secondary school, after which she stopped to be a full time housewife. Honestly, I don't even know how she juggled all the responsibilities while I was in primary school, because she did all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and even took time to dress my sisters and me and help us with homework and studying, and spend time with us on weekends (which I now understand how precious weekends are as a working adult). Basically, my freedom was heavily restricted, and I learnt at a young age how to keep myself entertained and appreciate my own company (which did make me depressed sometimes to be honest, until I learnt to accept, appreciate, and love myself for me when I got much older).
My parents were always yelling when I was home from school, especially at night. I used to try to ignore it by focusing on studying, thinking that if I worked hard enough, I would be able to make a living on my own and things would be better then (yes, I was only in primary school when I thought these things). I recall now that I used to think that no one loved me, that I was so much younger than my sisters (8 years from the oldest, and 6 years from the second) because I was an accident and unwanted. I was a naughty child, used to run around the house and draw on the table legs with color pencils. My mom used to cane me to discipline me when I misbehaved, but I still loved her. Looking back, I realise I honestly have a lot to thank her for - that it does feel like she single-handedly raised me and my sisters.
I was never given any allowance, never bought any new toys or clothes or shoes, because everything I needed would be handed down from my sisters. I would resent this for most of my childhood of course, until I got old enough to understand this was to be frugal. But looking back, it went deeper than that - my mom wasn't really able to spend money without my dad's consent. So everything went through him - and he would never allow us to spend money unless it was really a necessity, or unless it was something HE wanted. And what he was most interested in at the time I was growing up, was tech stuff. TVs, surround sound speakers with subwoofers, iMacs and all. Now this, he would spend money on. But my mom, I don't recall seeing her buy things for herself much to be honest. He did buy us a lot of pirated computer games - but usually he'd try to pick something that was more educational - and I think he only did it because he was buying pirated VCDs anyway.
Side question: How common is it to get your first handphone at 18yo (Nokia, the model you could drop from the roof and still would work), if you were born in the 1990s? I feel like it was definitely earlier than my older sisters, but the reason for this is because I was selected for National Service, and my parents wanted to stay in contact with me so they got me a handphone (which ironically was confiscated at the camp and only returned to you on weekends, and signal at my camp was almost non-existent). I feel like in comparison with many of my friends, I was super late in getting a handphone and had a lot to make up for to catch up in understanding.
Fast-forwarding to secondary school - my dad would usually always be angry about something at home. Maybe he woke up late for work and blamed my mom for it. Maybe I didn't get good enough grades - even if I got 100, he'd somehow always find a way to say that I could have gotten higher (yes I know that sounds stupid but he honestly used to say these things, because I would almost consistently get 100 for English and Maths - yes I am a nerd). Or maybe it would just be the way we answered his questions. He has this pattern where if he asked you a question, and he didn't like your answer, he'd pretend he didn't hear it, and ask you again, almost in the exact same phrasing he did the first time. And he'd do it again. And again. And eventually when you run out of patience and answer him shortly, he'd burst out in anger, with his default phrase: "You don't know how to talk to people.". "You talk nicer to strangers, better than your own father.". For a long time, hearing these words being repeatedly yelled, screamed at you, by a loud, angry, male voice, did two things to me. One, I used to almost believe that I didn't know how to talk to people, that I WAS the problem, and not him. Two, till today, hearing raised male voices still scares and distresses me, I get nervous and really tense - which doesn't help because that's how Hokkien and Hakka sounds to me when people are just saying hello! (yea it doesn't sound like anything to me because I'm a banana).
I recall a time on a weekend, when I had woken up early to watch morning cartoons, and my dad was angry about something - my sister had been busy applying for university, and I think he didn't like that she didn't want to be a medical doctor - she was more interested in math or vet sciences. He had been yelling at her, and then proceeded to walk over to where I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, stand over in front of me, bend down, and scream at my face saying "get out, get out of this house now!" - I swear I saw spit fly when he yelled at me. I was so afraid, so freaked out, that I later asked my mom if she thought one of the nice aunties from church would take me in if he really kicked me out.
How did I survive all this? I didn't even realise I was doing it, but I would try to spend as much free time as I could with friends - we'd talk on the phone for HOURS after school (mind you this was before we had cordless landline phones, so I would sit at the stairs, with my ear glued to the phone), and when I finally got to Form 6, I'd hang out after school with friends with cars, to malls, to the movies, to lunch, and my mom would sneak me some spare cash from her groceries budget so I could have a good time with friends. I had some really good friends that would sponsor me food/snacks too, whom I'll forever be indebted to, because no matter how cheap it was back then, it was still their allowance they were spending on a friend that couldn't pay them back.
Around this time, my dad lost his job - the management had changed, but if I recall how he was about his job, I don't think he was meeting his work KPIs as a sales manager either to be honest - and he was sacked. He fought it in court, and won money from it. This will become significant later on, but let's move on first.
Fast-forward to my turn to enter university, and I couldn't get in to medicine. I had tried, believe me - thinking that I liked biology enough, and that if I didn't, I could learn to love it - that my dad would love me more and treat me better if I did what he wanted, and go into medicine. But I couldn't make it - no scholarships wouldn't take me with my STPM 3.75 CGPA, not even for dentistry, because the competition was too tough with limited placements. I recall, my dad had opened a Maybank Yippie account under my name, and he applied to earn the rewards the bank offered for getting certain grades from PMR, SPM and STPM. When we got it, it went promptly into his own bank account under the justification that I didn't have my own bank account and he'd keep it for me until I did. Bro, you were controlling my Yippie account, and you had to close it once I finished STPM. You could have just opened an account immediately after that for me, but you didn't. That makes no sense, but ok, take it if that makes you happy.
I recall when I was applying to university through the UPU platform, I asked him for his advice, and he yelled at me to figure it out on my own. I wasn't sure what I could do honestly, because the whole time in secondary school, I only knew that he wanted me to go into medicine - I had no other frame of reference. My mom asked around among the neighbors, and found out that engineering was also a good field, and I did enjoy physics a lot more than biology, so I went into that. And my dad? Never did he once check on me - on what I was applying for, about school fees, nothing. My mom suggested I apply for PTPTN, that if I graduated with first class honors, I could convert it into a full scholarship, so I did that after exhausting all the other available scholarship options.
I think it was only in 2nd year of university that he found out I took Biomedical Engineering, and then he took an interest because there was some correlation to medicine - more on rehab science, but hey, I was taking classes in the attached hospital, so he was interested. Then he started to "show off" to relatives whenever they asked about it during CNY gatherings.
Anyway I think I've completely lost focus, so I'm gonna fast-forward. Today, I'm working a stable full-time job at a company I love working at - the people here are great and so supportive, and most of my social circle is from here today, with the exception of some close school friends I still keep in contact with.
Full lockdown in MCO was super tough for me. Being at home with my dad's constant yelling and anger issues, I seriously considered many times once lockdown was lifted, about moving out. I mentioned it to my mom, but she would always advise me not to, that it was too much financial strain on me and it wasn't safe to live by myself (you know, single girl, alone). Eventually, I realised, with lockdown lifted, I could escape our home, by going to the office. So I did. And I realised, that my mom was the more pitiful one because she couldn't escape as a full time housewife because my dad would restrict her freedom too - both inside and outside of the house. And for some reason, she accepted it. She clearly wasn't happy about it, but whenever I'd complain about my issues at home with her, her advice would be to not let it affect me and go out when I could. Honestly, I always wanted to ask her why she didn't just divorce my dad, but I was always too afraid to ask. So I let it be.
There were times when work was stressful, and because I had made work my escape from home, it was a toxic cycle for me, so much so that I had a few mental breakdowns at work, and did consider ending my life. But I got through it eventually after seeking counseling and talking to friends about my issues.
Have I mentioned my dad is a hoarder? He still has old VCRs of shows recorded from laser discs and satellite TV which we haven't touched in 20+ years, and probably will never use again. He still has an old Amiga computer in the storeroom that he never intends to set up, and also doesn't intend to sell - he just doesn't want to throw it away. Old pill boxes, old batteries - he insists to keep because he thinks he'll either need them again, or be able to use them somehow. Basically, the old house is so full of his junk that he's collected since I was young, that there's no space for the rest of us to really live. We're just, guests in his house, that have beds, places to put our clothes, and have to cook, clean, grocery shop, and pay for all the utilities, his car insurance, medical insurance, house insurance, and also give him an allowance. He complains about our cleaning too, even though he wouldn't ever clean himself. I found out from my sisters recently that he actually did complain about us not paying rent some time back, and this was AFTER they were already giving him a generous allowance every month (I had only just finished uni or started working? so they didn't tell me this). And he would continue to complain about this even after we started to pay for utilities and groceries. So eventually, they stopped giving him an allowance.
Another incident I want to share is about the family car. So we used to have a really old Proton Wira that we used as the family car since I was in primary school. About 20 years later, we still used it and it was the only available car I could take to drive to work. It wasn't very well maintained, but it got you from A to B, so for my first car, I wasn't complaining. Until, the gearbox started to have problems. I would send it to service many times, change the gearbox many times, and still, the gears would slip while driving - could be on a flat road while accelerating, and what especially worried me was when I was going up ramps or slopes, like when exiting basement parking, I had to have my hand on the handbrake at all times incase I started to fall backwards because I wasn't sure I could switch from accelerator to brake pedal quick enough. I told my dad about it every time, but he would just tell me off, saying I wasn't driving properly, and that there was nothing wrong with the car. I endured it for a couple years, until finally one day, I realised just how dangerous it was when I was leaving the parking with cars behind me, and I DID have to use pull the handbrake. So one day, I had enough, and I bought myself my own car with my own money. And guess what? When I went back home with it, what did my dad do? He yelled at me. Like on a scale of 1 to 10, he was 15. And then he yelled at my cousin who helped me to buy the car. He wasn't upset that I had gotten one without his consent, or that maybe I hadn't gotten the best deal on the car, no nothing like that. He was only upset, because I had spent my own money on myself, and that he insisted the old family car was perfectly fine. Well guess what? Eventually, he gave up on the car too, and asked *cough*forced*cough my cousin to buy it off from him, and apparently en route to the shop on the highway, the car broke down and had to be towed. And my dad never said a THING about it, ever. Makes me so mad just thinking about how selfish and irresponsible he was being, and how lucky I was that I had decided to get a car on my own. He was only curious about one thing - he asked me if I had gotten a bank loan for the car. I told him I borrowed money from my boss - when actually I had gotten a loan from my sister.
We're getting closer to present day, bear with me.
Last month, my house was being painted, with some other fixes being done like changing the roof gutters and house gate which were severely rusted over the 30+ years we lived in the house, never having been maintained ever since we moved in. It was actually my oldest sister's idea, being the "bread-winner" ever since my dad entered "forced retirement". She felt like it was a nice gesture and she had saved money to do it. She let my dad to pick the contractor so he'd be satisfied with the quality of the work, and that's when all hell broke loose.
From the day we agreed to the quotation (which was a really hefty sum), my dad wasn't happy about anything. He was always criticising the price, the quality of the materials, the workmanship of the painter and workmen, and even nitpicked that the contractor had "daddy issues". Funnily enough, it's my dad that has "daddy issues" himself because he likes to play the victim card after all these years saying that his father abandoning his family when he was young screwed him up. I'm sorry he went through that, but seriously, you're doing well now, and you're 66 fucking years old, could you grow up? Sorry, I digress. Honestly, my dad would just find ANYTHING to complain about, and he'd be angry and loud about it. Worse one I think was when he kept having the idea that the contractor should throw in some freebies for him, like hey, could you also paint this window for me, or fix this door for me, for free. Like as if materials are free and workmanship doesn't cost time and effort? I swear it's almost as if he's never worked a hard day's work in his life... Which I find contradicting considering how stingy he is with money...
The painting and house fixes took around 3 weeks in total - including power washing all the old paint off the walls, putting a few coats of primer, painting, and all the metal work. Also considering this was during puasa which was tough for the workers, and the weather was blistering hot in the afternoon and then heavy rain in the evenings. Through the whole thing, my sisters and I were busy at work, so who was left to manage at home were my parents. Or rather I should say, my mom. Because all my dad did, from day 1, is yell at the contractor. Saying he's not doing a good job, that he's so calculative because he wouldn't throw in some freebies like painting the window when we didn't ask for it in the quotation, or changing the color when he didn't like it, etc etc. Lies, they were all lies. The contractor knew exactly what he was doing, and it was really good work. We were all really happy with it. So my mom had to be peacemaker, try to calm down my dad, and apologize to the contractor on the side. Which is exhausting, because my dad was literally yelling in his face all the time! And he would eventually take it out on my mom because obviously it was no secret she was defending the contractor. I'm honestly super shocked he would act this way to a stranger. All my life he's always been so careful to only show his nasty side to us at home, and be charming outside to strangers. I guess being the "customer" went to his head?
All this took a really heavy toll on my mom. She's 64yo, and it was stressing her out so much to have my dad throwing his temper around all the time. If he didn't get his way with the contractor, he'd take it out on her. When I was home on weekends or before going to work in the mornings, she'd tell me how things were going, and they were just getting from bad to worse. She was getting more and more frail, more tired, losing her appetite, and not being able to sleep too.
Around 1-2 weeks in, realising things were getting way way out of control (who am I kidding, when was anything in my life with my dad ever in control? lol) - more importantly, my mom was suffering horribly from it - I reminded her that I considered a few times before about moving out. And that in the end, I decided not to only because she advised me not to. That I could escape to my office, but she couldn't, and that with my working hours and escapism, I hardly spent any time at home except to sleep (sometimes even choosing to shower at the office). So what was the point if she wasn't going to move out with me? So I stayed. But I told her this time, forget about financial worries, about anything else - and consider if she needs to get out of this situation. It's not worth being stuck in this at the cost of her own mental well being. I told her all this, to know these are options she could consider for herself, and left it at that. A couple days later, I went for an overseas trip with friends, and honestly, didn't think much of it.
A week later, I came back, and things felt the same. The painting was done, the gate was being installed, and the end of the hell seemed to be really close, like 1-2 days before everything would be completed. Another week later, I'm having lunch with my sisters and mom at home (dad not there because he had the habit of sleeping till 2pm ever since he "retired"). And I did NOT expect them to tell me they had all decided to move out, to leave my dad.
I was surprised, happy (like really happy), and also confused. So they explained that the turning point had come during the week that I was away, my dad's temper had gotten so bad, that he had almost hit my mom when he was yelling at her and the contractor outside the house. Luckily the contractor stepped in to stop him, and he snapped out of it, but it was enough to make my mom realise that after all these years, he is really never going to change, and that he could one day hurt her when no one else was around. Apparently, there were times before that she had mentioned his attitude & anger problems to him and threatened to leave him, and he promised to change, but then he would quickly forget it and go back to his usual ways. And other times, when he couldn't get the response he wanted from her, he would take it out on my sisters and I by yelling at us. She would always tell me when I was growing up that people don't change unless they want to, and don't ever get into a relationship with a guy thinking I can fix or change him. Funny that she would give me that advice, but herself still be hoping for my dad to change.
So, after telling them I fully supported the idea (basically I said I had been waiting a long time for them to decide to move out lols), we started looking for places to rent. And this is where I really have to thank God, because everything just fell into place. I mean there were some hiccups along the way, but within 2 weeks we managed to find a great place to move to within our rental budget with an awesome landlord. Then my dad announced he was going on an overseas trip around the time we would get the keys to move in. Honestly, we had considered trying to pack everything while he was sleeping and moving it under his nose, or considering the possibility of asking the police for help to move out in case my dad tried to stop us physically. But none of that had to happen, because he went for a trip, and we had basically a week to pack and move out. And with the help of many friends, we did it. We moved out, for the first time after 30+ years (40 for my mom).
Living apart from my dad, able to control our own lives and living space... We have never been happier as a family. I don't have my own room, I still share with my sister, but it honestly doesn't matter, because we can wake up every morning without worrying about the next temper tantrum or yelling match, or accidentally upsetting my dad about anything. It's so peaceful, and I look forward to going home after work now, rather than staying longer at the office. I no longer have to live under constant threat of being blamed from something wrong in the house. Yes, this is also something my dad does a lot, blame all of us for things getting spoiled in the house, even if it's obviously from wear and tear over the years. Like, the air-conditioner leaking, he would say was because we were folding clothes in the room which created a lot of fluff and clogged up air vents causing it to leak. Or, a power bank not working so well anymore, according to him was because I used it wrongly, and not because the charge just doesn't hold so well after degrading over the years.
The simplest things - being able to have a desk to work at when I want to work from home or play computer games, and having a cabinet in the kitchen to put my coffee gear instead of having to always wash, dry, and pack them up into paper bags. Or something even simpler - being able to accidentally leave a light on in a room and not be scolded for it like I had just killed someone... These are joys I get to experience now because we no longer live under the control of my dad.
Now, it's been 2 weeks since my dad returned from his trip to find an empty house (we only took our stuff, his stuff is still all there), and a letter explaining we had moved out because we couldn't stand to stay there anymore, and not to contact us because we need our space. He tried calling us but frankly, I think we were all either afraid to pick up just to be yelled at, or just not willing to be subjected to his manipulation anymore after experiencing peace of mind without him, so none of us picked up. He tried texting the family group then, and it surprised me he didn't act angry, but rather said he was shocked and expected to be able to live the rest of his life with us, that we would take care of him in his old age, that we should have pity on him because he's not young and came back unwell from his trip, that he had to sleep on the floor at the airport in Dubai. He said he wanted another chance to improve on his 'flaws', saying he loves us and would never do anything to hurt us, asking my mom to come back, that he knows he made a lot of mistakes, but that he's always lived his life for the benefit of us. Then, he asks us to continue paying for the utilities. Followed by saying "he knows we don't talk about it, but he never recovered from the suffering he endured at church" - which is total bullshit by the way, because he never suffered at church... what happens is what he always does - he alienates people or doesn't like it when people do things differently from him, and is super sensitive when people don't compliment or praise him for his works. So what he does eventually, is he leaves that church, and then finds another one. Anyway, he then continues in his messages with even more sappy words like he misses us, he's so lost without us, when he wakes up he's so full of fear, that that's why he's so unhappy and angry all the time, he needs us, that he's never had to be independent all his life, he's not eating well, not sleeping well, don't block him, please just let him meet us one more time, just let him hear our voices, just to say hello... OMG I wanna puke just reading all this... So much of it is so cringe, like he's NEVER spoken like that to us ever, and in the middle of it asks for money? And for the past, I don't know, 15 years at least, he's either always yelling at us that we don't know how to talk to people properly, or that we shouldn't talk to him. And now, he says he misses our voices? GAG.
Then this week... he pays me a visit to my office. Shows up at lunch time, and asks to see me. It was a really big shock to see him just standing there, smiling at me like as if I should be happy to see him? Honestly, I did expect it to happen, because my office is the nearest to his house, and probably the easiest to get to compared to my sisters' workplaces. But still, thinking it and seeing it were two different things, and I was just praying that he wouldn't be desperate enough to really do it and that I was just being paranoid. So seeing him in my office, I was instantly on edge, thinking he was going to make a scene at my office, and asked some colleagues to help keep an eye out for me while I went to talk to him. And he basically repeated the same things he's been sending in text to me. He started crying, and trying to show me how frail he was because he wasn't eating well, said he hoped I could take him out for a meal, saying he's only been eating all the leftovers - which honestly, is kind of suspicious because we didn't have that many leftovers to begin with, and we had purposely restocked the house with bread, biscuits, tuna which we knew he knew how to eat on his own - so maybe he was referring to that... Said he was worried about his finances, that his eyesight wasn't good, his knees weren't good, how was he going to clean the house on his own. Then he tries to change the topic for some reason, by saying he was surprised he was allowed into the office building and that the guard had given him some package to bring up as well when he said he was coming to my floor... It was weird and creepy and gave me a really unsettled, disturbed feeling throughout the whole experience. I was so tense and nervous that I couldn't bear to talk to him without crossing my arms in front of me the whole time. And I kept explaining to him, that there was no point in him trying to justify and explain himself to me - that it all just sounded like excuses to me, that 30 years of doing the same damn thing over and over to us was enough and that we were never ever going back to his house, whether it was to visit or moving back in - none of that was going to happen. But with his constant crying and pleading, I did start to feel really sorry for him.
I mean, even in the week when we were moving out, I felt guilty about it, knowing he wasn't going to be happy and was going to have a hard time once we left him. But the alternative was to do nothing about our situation, which wasn't a viable option either. Continuing to live with him was basically just saying, this is it, this is our lives, we're going to die with this being the extent of our lives. And I was NOT going to let that happen. My mom did NOT deserve to die in that house with that tyrant controlling every aspect of her life, sucking the joy and energy from her like a leech, like a freaking Dementor from Harry Potter. But anyway, yea, his pleading got to me, I did pity him and felt sorry for him, so I told him, please leave, I'll unblock him on my phone so he can call and message me, but I won't promise anything else except to pass on what he has said to my sisters and mom. He kept saying please, he can't wait too long, please just come to the house to talk to him, he needs us, etc. Took me a few times to convince him he's not going to get anything else out of me and eventually he left.
I was so on edge after that, I realised my hands were cold and shaking, and I didn't have much appetite for lunch by then. Thankfully I have many caring and supportive colleague who knew about the situation and they helped talk to me about it and it calmed me down. I talked to my sisters and mom that night after work, and they shared with me some of their experiences that I wasn't aware of from when I was a baby or when I wasn't at home. Which made me realise... he may have been trying to manipulate me earlier. Apparently, he has on several occasions, told my mom he regretted marrying her, that he would have been better off letting his mom to find him a wife instead. He had told my sister (the middle child) that he regretted having us as children. Told her to get out of the house too. And always told us that he had lots of money, that money was no object, whenever we told him we didn't want to spend on something he was asking for because we couldn't afford it. Which is conflicting isn't it, because if YOU have the money, then why not buy it yourself instead of trying to convince us to buy it for you? My sister had also asked him before why he was so angry, why he was yelling, and he would respond that he wasn't angry and that he was just like that, and he wouldn't change. I think the one story that really hit me though, was when my oldest sister said, she remembered when she was younger, maybe around kindergarten or primary school - she was holding me as a baby, and I was crying, and she was trying to comfort me. And my dad was playing really loud music at the time, and mom was busy with house chores, and she said she just remembered feeling like something wasn't right, and thinking why was it like this. It hit me then... that this had been going on for YEARS, like from before I was born, probably from the moment my mom had married him, and everything he had been saying were lies. Maybe he meant some of it, because he knew now that we weren't afraid to leave, that we could and would and did leave, that for that he was probably sorry for yelling at us. That all his threats to tell us to get out, while he probably thought would give him control over us at the time, had eventually now come back to bite him in the ass now that we were older and didn't depend on him anymore.
So, today, at this moment, I am sitting at my new desk, in my nice new home, writing this out because, my logical brain KNOWS that we have done the right thing. That my dad, the whole situation with him and how he treats the people around him, his entire behavior, is a classic red flag, textbook case. But despite knowing this, in my heart, in my emotional brain, I feel bad about it. Not enough to want to reach out to him and respond to his requests. But enough that I feel guilt when I'm happy about our new life, like I shouldn't feel this great when he's feeling bad. That my happiness now has come as his expense now. And yes, although I have been angry at him enough to wish him dead many many times over in the past, I think my compassion somehow makes me feel like it's not right to inflict suffering on others for my own sake. But logically, am I really "inflicting" suffering on him? Is it my fault he doesn't know how to be happy with his own life? Just because I was born as his child, doesn't mean I owe him anything, that I'm responsible to make him feel good, does it? Yes, I'm Asian, and Christian, and both of these teach us to respect our elders and take care of our parents. But it can't be at the expense of my own happiness and emotional well-being.
I don't know if I'll ever get into a relationship with someone. I'm 31 years old this year, and I have never been in a romantic relationship. I've had crushes, gone out a couple times for movies or meals, but it's never gone beyond just being casual acquaintances or friends. And I have zero interest in putting myself out there on online dating platforms, or going out to meet new people for the purpose of finding someone. I don't know if it's because of my experience with my dad, that deep down I'm so traumatised that I don't even want to consider putting myself in a situation that could become how it was with my mom and dad. I've seen other people have healthy marriages with loving family bonds, where the father is useful, caring, stable, dependable, and supportive. But I think I'm really afraid that I'm that person that attracts the wrong sort, you know? There's a saying right? That you marry men who are like our fathers? Yes, good relationships exist, but they're what other people get, and since I'm not a good judge of character and easily gullible, it can't possibly happen for me. And while thinking that does make me sad, I also know that maybe it's just better to stay single, so that I'll never be hurt again. Like, the risk isn't worth the potential reward.
Anyway, I hope someone does read this in the entirety, and lets me know what they think about the whole situation that is my life, and also especially my current situation. If there's any advice you could share with me, do you think I'm being too harsh? I do get triggered by my message tones, call tones, and even the office door bell these days, because every time, I'm just reminded that my dad is trying to plead with us to come back, and I'm just so tired of his manipulation and gaslighting and general emotional abuse. And I feel like this is probably more common than I think, and if you can relate to this while you're reading it, I hope you find the courage get out of the bad situation you're in and find your happiness too. If you're in a similar situation, although I have guilty feelings about it, I know it's important to take care of your own well-being, and I hope this helps you to know that you're not alone.

A little background about me, I live alone and receiving monthly allowance (for food, bills, and tuition)from my family and I prioritize mental health more than anything. To cut the story short (or just how I want it to be)I met this girl and she became my partner for a year. Her mental health isn't in it's best state but it's manageable, I can handle it (or so I thought, she certainly needs therapy). Going back we never really had any issues regarding money and all, but everything changed after her father died + her ex boyfriend showed up again asking for closure (this guy's a cheater, dalawang beses). This happened when we're only five months, after her father died and I spend my allowance to help her cope (nature trips, café hopping) syempre may limitations din like I can't touch my tuition allowance, alam n'ya 'yon since I always remind her. Kaso ang ending, nagagastos pa rin kasi ang sabi n'ya babayaran n'ya naman since may work s'ya. After that whole sem yata akong hindi nakapagbayad ng tuition and start na ng klase, my monthly allowance isn't enough to pay all that tuition left and I can't ask for more.
Side story: After her ex boyfriend showed up, she asked me if they can talk for closure. I was a bit skeptical pero pumayag din since para sa peace of mind n'ya (or so I thought). After that bumalik s'ya saying she's confused and her ex wants to pursue her again (I know I should've had left her agad but I just love her so much to do that). Months later she confessed na sa hotel sila nag-usap (for privacy raw) and she showed me pictures of her wearing just her tube. Tumagal pa kami ng isang taon, we're live in btw.
Going back, I broke up with not because of their closure with her ex but because she blames me for not being able to pay for my tuition eh s'ya 'tong gumagastos at nagsabing magbabayad s'ya. After that break-up, I roamed around each socmeds, X (formerly known as Twitter), FB, TikTok, and even sa Omegle. Ayon, may naka-usap akong Isko na gustong tumulong, she was willing to giver her allowance from scholarship and sabi ko just use it for her daily needs kasi ayon yung ginagamit n'ya for travel expenses sa school. So instead, she asked for my IG (sa Omegle ko s'ya naka-usap) para raw kung may mahihiraman man s'ya irerelay n'ya sa'kin. Exactly 4 days bumalik sa bahay ex ko para kunin yung mga gamit n'ya and nabasa n'ya phone ko. She accused me of cheating and all (that's her trauma eh).
So ABYG for solely asking financial help and for being grateful to sing that Isko some songs for her kindness since I'm also a musician?
Naka-move on na ako and all but I can't make peace with myself if I did the right choice or not. You can ask questions din if nalilito kayo or nakukulangan sa info.

This is an interesting interview, LBC is a British independent radio station/ youtube. The radio host identifies himself as left leaning. No suprise the Columbia University protester is left, but there seem to be a vast divide between this student protester and the host, making the radio host sounds centrist and the student protester sounds ultra far left wing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb150qkcgzo
Apologies in advance the student’s video camera keeps shaking (difficult to watch) and she moves her head and hands alot, very distracting. She is Maria del Grosso, a 19 year old sophomore studying sociology and human rights at Barnard College, Columbia University, NYC (Tuition and fees USD $66k per year) Her hands moving constantly probably has to do with her Italian herritage (my guess). Her passion for the Pro-Palestinian movement probably has alot to do interest and major in human rights and political activism.

1. I am honestly quite shocked at the quality of student “these days” at Columbia University, I expected an Ivy league student to be able to articulate themselves better. There are moments she loses focus, alot of err ahhh ummm. Compare to other 19 year olds from Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard etc , she is simply not up to standard.
   
2. Who is the elected Student President of Columbia University? Maya Platek, 23 year old Israeli student, who used to serve in IDF spokesperson’s unit. A pro-Israel, it was a very recent student election, so the majority of Columbia University has spoken. Maria de Grosso and the student protest does not have the full and unanimous support of the student council body and all the students of the university, they seem like a loud minority.
   
3. Who is the current Columbia University President ? Minouche Shafik, born in Egypt, a practising Muslim, an American, British and Egyptian nationality. I bet you she knows alot more about Middle East than the average American and she speaks Arabic too.
   
4. The student protester explains that “we are protesting for our university to divest….to stop funding the bombs that are dropping on our loved ones” etc…. She is a white american girl, how is Gaza her “loved ones” ? Has she even been to Gaza ? Has she met any people from Gaza ? Not those born in USA or currently living in USA. Who are these loved ones?
   
5. She continues listing internal University Admin - Students disputes (housing evictions, reinstate faculty members who were suspended, etc…).
   
6. She contradicts herself. First she claims the university refused to continue negotiations with us, the university refused to listen to us, then she said the university was not open to talking with us,
   
7. She said the students decided to escalate the protest movement….”while property may have been destroyed” and mindful not to harm anyone. I take it that the student protesters planned and deliberatedly chose to destroy school property (private property). They broke into university building, breaking windows, etc… that is not peaceful demonstration, and she knows.
   
8. I see, now I understand. She is using past precedence. In her mind, she thinks this is similar to South Africa Apartheid, in the past the university divested from South Africa in 1985, hence she believes since its similar, the university should once again divest from Israel’s Apartheid Genocidal regime. These old established universities and colleges have a long tradition and history, this group of students might think it is their duty to live up to the actions/ achievements of past students whom protested against the South Africa Apartheid regime. Columbia University was the first ivy league to divest. It brought prestige to the university, the students past, present and future are proud of student’s action at that time in history, and they fear being on the wrong side of history when it comes to the current conflict in the Middle East. This group of students genuinely think they are in the right and others are wrong, and others including the uni should listen to them (accept their demands). Sounds like an average teenager who thinks they know better than anyone else.
   
9. She briefly talks about BDS. Boycot, Divest, sanction. Omar Barghouti a co-founder of BDS is an alumni of Columbia Uni. Rashid Khalidi a famous historian/writer is a professor at Columbia Uni. That student protest is heavily influenced by BDS, they want to follow the BDS list which includes HP, Puma, Siemens, AXA, Google, Amazon, Airbnb, Boeing, Lockheed Marin, etc…she said the Palestinian “citizens” lead this boycott and request them to support the Palestinian movement. Sounds like BDS is the mastermind.
   
10. She didnt clarify when she last campaigned for divestment or boycot of Russia. Everyone else living in oppression Uyghur, Iran, Hong Kongers, Tibetans, Syrians, Kurds, Saudi, etc… did not request her for support, hence she isnt campaigning for them. What a dumb answer.
    
11. Omg she said Hamas agreed to have a democratic system and Israel directly interfered. She said iran is not attacking Israel. She is naive, disillusioned, misinformed and thinks Israel should not exist as a country.
    

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1. I dont think the we need to worry too much if all student protesters are like her. They are Arts students, history, sociology, human rights, (i am sure there will be some human rights/ international law students), middle east studies, language, teaching, political science, etc… you are not seeing many bankers, finance, computer science, engineers, the people who will be working at wall street, google, amazon, etc…some of which are on the BDS divest list.
   
2. There are 36,000+ students in Columbia University. 300 arrested. Less than 1%, we can write them off. I will leave it to the University how to discipline their students, expel, suspend, revoke scholarship etc… there will be some legal battles, just follow due process. There are probably others involved, warn them. If they cant be saved, write them off too. Save the 90% of the university students who actually wants to study, learn, get educated, graduate and find a job and NOT destroy school property. Clean the house.
   
3. I dont think it would be that major impact to a human rights student to get arrested for protesting for Gaza or against Israel, probably a badge of honor, she will still be able to continue what she is do passionately, human rights activist. You dont need to be a Columbia University graduate to be a human rights activist.
   
4. The misreading of the student protesters from Columbia University I think is South Africa Apartheid case was different. Not going to debate if Israel is doing or not apartheid, there are many other threads for that. Regardless, what they misread is the reaction of the world…back in 1977 the UN imposed arms embargo on South Africa. Columbia University only divested in 1980s,..the mood was different, there were already some support from the upper echelon of power. This time, its a bit premature, Israel still have enough influence and support in the US. This is not like Ukraine where people of all walks of life were very much united against Russia, overwhelmingly,…this Israel-Palestinian conflict is very divisive, very polarized.
   
5. One solution I could think of is for Columbia University to ask Tel Aviv University for help… voluntarily send those students who want to continue in Columbia to do a crash course, exchange semester in Tel Aviv, to open their eyes, broaden their horizon and see things from the grounds in Middle East, they can meet real Israelis, real Arabs/Palestinians etc… not only taking directive from BDS. Student exchange. I dont think they will object to it if you tell them Omar Barghouti, the co-founder of BDS lives in Tel Aviv.
   

And I feel like I'm falling for it
I'm no nationalist
I have no patriotism
I want to spend my college life here just because i want to stay close with my family because this is my free time. Pachi kaam haru garna thalesi i wont have the time to. I took a drop year for mbbs entrance and I'm not sure if i can get a scholarship seat this year either. My agenda is to not stay in nepal but to stay in nepal in my early 20s. I wanted to start this as a question but this is going on as a rant. Everyone i talk to is doing great in their life. Some are already abroad, some are processing. Some staying in nepal have Joined their course already. Some (only a few) are in a situation similar to mine. Some are enjoying their life and are willing to take a few years off. I'm tired of my situation
I wish I'd settled on something more peaceful. I wish I'd focused on sat from the start. Gave a mocktest just as a joke and got 1280. Idk if that's a coincidence or mocktests are not accurate but sat seems a lot easier. Boards ma ni ramro aako thyo. Tara already ek barsa back bhaisake. Mbbs nai garne ni sochisake. Aaile aayera kina baulairachu ma..

Hello folks!
I've been searching for master's scholarships in the fields of Economics and Business for foreign students to study in Portugal and I only found scholarships with tiny amounts and that make no meaningful contributions to the students there (20% or 50% of Tuition fees).
Are you guys aware of any scholarships who include bigger % or accomodation/living expenses that are still OPEN ? Studies coupled with part time jobs at the university or something else can also do the job.
Thank you so much in advance. PEACE

I want to share with you my anecdote about the English language and the TOEFL; it's a long story, but I wanted to share this life experience with everybody.
Spanish is my native language, and I began learning English at the age of 7. My parents enrolled me in an English course that was divided into categories according to age and level. After 6 years of attending English classes every Saturday and retaking the final exam, I graduated at the age of 15 and received a diploma. Years later, after finishing high school, I wanted to apply for a scholarship to study abroad. At the age of 18, I took a TOEFL preparation course at an institute, but the reality was that I struggled a lot with the practice tests. I completed the course but didn't take the exam because I didn't feel prepared; my English level wasn't sufficient to score at least 79. So, I ended up studying in my own country.
During my university years, the TOEFL was always on my mind, disturbing my peace. I graduated at the age of 23 with just a B1 level in English; I lacked fluency and confidence. Since last year, 2023, I decided to give the TOEFL another try with the desire to pursue a master's degree abroad. I invested a lot of money and time, turned down job offers and employment opportunities to focus on studying for the TOEFL with a private online teacher. It was three months of preparation; I had no more money left in my bank account. I felt like I had significantly improved my English, scheduled the TOEFL test, and to my surprise, I scored 66 points, I still at a B1 level.
I scheduled the TOEFL test again, but this time I prepared with the Gregmat course. I took the TOEFL in March of this year, and inexplicably, I scored 66 points again. I gave up; I spent a whole year preparing for my goals of pursuing a master's degree, but the TOEFL and my English level didn't allow me to achieve them. Currently, I'm 25 years old, without money due to all the investment, and without job offers. Maybe English just isn't my thing.

The Collect
O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen
Readings:
Psalm 78:1–39 Leviticus 26:1–20
Gospel: Matthew 13:18–23
18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
Commentary:
Matthew chapter 13 follows the events of preceding chapter in which we find Jesus moving from controversy to controversy. The disciples provoke a Sabbath controversy by plucking grain on the Sabbath (12:1-8). Jesus provokes a Sabbath controversy by healing on the Sabbath (12:9-14). He heals a demoniac and is accused of healing by the power of Beelzebul. (12:22-32). He gives a short but sharply worded discourse (12:33-37). The scribes and Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign, and he responds with a sharp rebuke and a discourse (12:38-45). The crowd tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside to talk with him, and Jesus responds, “For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother”(12:46-50). In the midst of controversy, crowds follow Jesus and he heals many people (12:15-21).
Then in chapter 13 Matthew writes “The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side. And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.” (13:1-2)
Jesus, after a busy morning filled with teaching and confrontations with the Pharisees and even his (earthly) family, went down to the seashore, got into a boat, and began to preach to the multitudes that had been following him.
Matthew explains, “And he spake many things unto them in parables.” The idea behind the word parable is “to throw alongside of.” It is a story thrown alongside the truth intended to teach. Parables have been called “earthly stories with a heavenly meaning.”
Parables generally teach one main point or principle. We can get into trouble by expecting that they be intricate systems of theology, with the smallest detail revealing hidden truths. “A parable is not an allegory; an allegory is a story in which every possible detail has an inner meaning; but an allegory has to be read and studied; a parable is heard. We must be very careful not to make allegories of the parables.” (Barclay)
However, the Parable of the Sower, undoubtedly has certain allegorical aspects. Matthew identifies this as a parable, and verses 3-9 fit the definition of a parable. However, in Jesus’ explanation (vv. 18-23), he gives particular meanings to the seed that is scattered on the various soils —an allegorical approach.
“The question is whether to expand the allegorical approach by labeling other elements of the story as well. For example, some reputable scholars say that Jesus is the sower (Boring, 304; Morris, 335; Senior, 151), but our text does not say that. If Jesus intends this parable to encourage disciples in their proclamation of the Gospel, it would seem that they must be sowers too. We who proclaim the Gospel today are also sowers. It seems best to limit the allegorical approach to elements that Jesus clearly labels as such— namely the seed that falls on the four soils.” (Donovan)
While not as comforting as the Parable of the Prodigal Son or the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Sower is one of Jesus’ best known parables. Preachers use it to warn people against becoming poor soil and to encourage them to be fruitful soil. Also, the church in every century has seen people reject Christ, and this parable gives us a framework for understanding that.
Today we explore the explanation given by our Lord for the discourse that he himself—according to Matthew—referred to as being the Parable of the Sower.
This parable is found in all three Synoptic Gospels. Mark’s version (4:3-8, 13-20) was the first to be written. It is likely that both Matthew and Luke (8:5-8, 11-15) had access to Mark’s version when they penned their own versions.
Chapters 12-13 emphasize two themes: (1) Jesus as the Son of God. (2) The opposition of Jesus’ enemies, who are determined to kill him (Leuking, 72). Here Jesus illustrates how this parable—as well as those that follow—illustrate the core reasons of the opposition he has experienced.
“Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.” (v. 18) “Jesus gives the parable a title —the parable of the sower. The Gospel of Mark is Matthew’s primary source for this parable, but does not include a title. It seems unlikely that Jesus would be so formal as to give the parable a title, so it is likely Matthew’s addition. Matthew also gives a name to “the parable of the weeds of the field” (13:36).” (Donovan)
In verse 10b, the disciples had asked, “Why speakest thou unto them in parables? ” He gave them a general response in verses 11-17, more of a “why” he used this approach; but now he gives a more detailed explanation of this particular parable.
“Our Lord Jesus kindly took the hint, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the parable, directing his discourse to the disciples, but in the hearing of the multitude, for we have not the account of his dismissing them till v. 36. "Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower (v. 18); you have heard it, but let us go over it again." Note, It is of good use, and would contribute much to our understanding the word and profiting by it, to hear over again what we have heard (Phil. 3:1); "You have heard it, but hear the interpretation of it.’” (Henry)
“When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.” (v. 19) Jesus had used the similitude of a farmer sowing seeds, in verse 4, and he used the example of some of the seed falling by the wayside, where they are unable to take root and grow, and birds flock to eat the seeds up.
One of the many doctrines to arise out of the Protestant reformation, Sola Scriptura, or scripture alone—on face value—is not a bad doctrine. However, without instruction, or some sort of standard explaining what the Holy Word of God means, we potentially expose ourselves to the same dilemma that Jesus outlines here. If we, “heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not” we either come to the wrong conclusion of the meaning resulting in a faulty application of the word, or the message fails to take root and we fail to abide in Jesus (see John 15:10) and the powers and principalities “then cometh the wicked one” of this world to claim us and sweep us way. There are many resources online as well in print, that explain the word Holy Word of God as it is traditionally interpreted. Please avail yourself of these wonderful educational resources.
It is vitally important that you seek out the traditional and accepted interpretations when you question the meaning of a passage, should you rely on interpretations arising out of contemporary culture—new age interpretations so to speak—you are again spiritually at risk, as many of these are relativistic in that they reflect the opinions of the author and not traditional scholarship.
The meaning of the word of God does not change, the Word was the same yesterday as it will be the same tomorrow.
If you compare a modern opinion verses something traditional—such as the traditional commentary authored by Matthew Henry who I often cite—and you find a vastly different meaning in the recent opinion, then you have in your hands a prime example of why the New Testament repeatedly warns of the coming of false prophets.
Sometimes we refuse to embrace the word as it makes us uncomfortable or challenges our lifestyle(s) that we covet.
“There are many reasons why a person might choose not to embrace the word. Wealthy people might choose not to understand because of the claims that Jesus might make on their wealth. Powerful people might choose not to understand because of their reluctance to allow Jesus to shape their use of power. Hedonistic people might choose not to understand because they don’t want to give up their sinful pleasures. In Jesus’ day, the scribes and Pharisees refused to understand because to embrace Jesus as the Messiah would turn their religious world upside down.” (Donovan)
“But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.” (v. 20-21) Some of us may hear the word and not understand it, fail to try to find meaning and inspiration, and fall victim to, as Jesus put it, “the wicked one.” In this case however, some hear the word and understand it receiving the word with great joy. But when the lifestyles we covert, or the persecution of the world becomes apparent, we turn from the word. “Tribulation is a general term for suffering which comes from outside; persecution is deliberately inflicted, and usually implies a religious motive. Falls away is literally ‘is tripped up’; it is not a gradual loss of interest, but a collapse under pressure.” (France)
The seeds of the Word Jesus speaks here, do not fail due to the sudden growth, but rather they fail due to lack of depth. The conversion to Christianity has failed to take sufficient root.
“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.” (v. 22)
“As seed falling among thorns grew, the stalks of grain were soon choked out (Matthew 13:7), so some respond to the word and grow for a while, but are choked and stopped in their spiritual growth by competition from unspiritual things. This soil represents fertile ground for the word; but their soil is too fertile, because it also grows all sorts of other things that choke out the Word of God; namely, it is the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches that choke the word.“ (Guzik)
There has been many a Christian who was very faithful, who gave witness, who taught others of the message of Salvation bringing them to Jesus. But then, all too sadly, they fell victim to the temptations of the world.
How many televangelists have we watched that were faithful teachers, who delivered inspiring sermons touching hearts across the face of the Earth, then they fell from grace after a scandal overshadowed their witness? How many Protestant Preachers or even Catholic Priests and Bishops, people that we looked up to, betrayed not only our trust, but that of the Father’s as well? Consider how many of our neighbors, and even relatives, that were trusted Men and Women of God, until they fell victim to temptation. Yes, sometimes the seed Jesus spoke of takes deep root, it produces, but in the end it is choked out by the weeds of “the wicked one.”
“But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” (v. 23)
“This is what number-crunchers call “the bottom line.” Yes, we Christians have wasted our breath preaching to people on the pathway—and rocky ground—and thorny ground. Yes, some of our efforts will never amount to anything. However, that doesn’t matter, because those who hear the word and understand it (take it into their hearts—live by it—stake their lives on it) will produce an abundant harvest.” (Donovan)
This parable warns that initial enthusiasm does not necessarily indicate true discipleship. The best test is the kind of perseverance that survives temptation and produces fruit.
This parable also—albeit indirectly—inculcates the need to be watchful, and willing to come to the spiritual aid, of those that have been choked by the weeds and thorns of the world. In social media posts, we read almost each and everyday of someone explaining how they had heard the word and responded, but turned away due to the thorns—that they perceived Christians to be.
Sometimes these that turn away, do not feel willing to give up their old ways and be born again. Others become disenchanted due to the perceived excesses of Christians. This last Sunday our lesson was on John 15:9–17. This passage is one of the most abused and misunderstood passages in the book of John. Verse 17, which reads, “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” is thought to mean that Christians must love everyone unconditioanlly; which is true, but, in verse 10 Jesus said “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” Which means, that we abide in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus and God the Father, we will obey their commandments, all of the commandments, not just love one another. True love, is sometimes tough love. Jesus demonstrated this “tough love” by calling out those who had twisted his Fathers commandments into a perverse ideology.
Likewise, as followers of Christ, we are to speak truth to sin. We are to do this in a compassionate manner, but none the less we are commanded to help others recognize sin and find repentance—as we ourselves try to do better in our own Christian path—and to rise above sin as we are all sinners.
If your sibling is involved or considering a decisively destructive act, an act that breaks the civil law, do you help them to reconsider, or do you support them unconditionally even if it means they are going to end up in jail or the cemetery? If you truly love your sibling, you will try to demonstrate tough love to dissuade them from taking a path to destruction.
A Christian is called to dissuade others from taking a spiritually destructive path as well. However, some newly converted Christians get “turned off” by other Christians trying to demonstrate true love by speaking truth. Here we have yet another example of what Jesus was speaking of when he referred to seeds that fail to take deep root.
When we focus on passages like John 15:17—the “feel good” passages—and ignore all the other teachings throughout both the Old and New Testaments, what I call “tough love” passages, we become as the seeds Jesus spoke of that fell by the wayside or were choked out by the thorns, those that heard the word but failed to understand it and take it totally to heart.
Benediction
Almighty God, who created us in your image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

The Collect
O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen
Readings:
Psalm 78:1–39 Leviticus 26:1–20
Gospel: Matthew 13:18–23
18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
Commentary:
Matthew chapter 13 follows the events of preceding chapter in which we find Jesus moving from controversy to controversy. The disciples provoke a Sabbath controversy by plucking grain on the Sabbath (12:1-8). Jesus provokes a Sabbath controversy by healing on the Sabbath (12:9-14). He heals a demoniac and is accused of healing by the power of Beelzebul. (12:22-32). He gives a short but sharply worded discourse (12:33-37). The scribes and Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign, and he responds with a sharp rebuke and a discourse (12:38-45). The crowd tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside to talk with him, and Jesus responds, “For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother”(12:46-50). In the midst of controversy, crowds follow Jesus and he heals many people (12:15-21).
Then in chapter 13 Matthew writes “The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side. And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.” (13:1-2)
Jesus, after a busy morning filled with teaching and confrontations with the Pharisees and even his (earthly) family, went down to the seashore, got into a boat, and began to preach to the multitudes that had been following him.
Matthew explains, “And he spake many things unto them in parables.” The idea behind the word parable is “to throw alongside of.” It is a story thrown alongside the truth intended to teach. Parables have been called “earthly stories with a heavenly meaning.”
Parables generally teach one main point or principle. We can get into trouble by expecting that they be intricate systems of theology, with the smallest detail revealing hidden truths. “A parable is not an allegory; an allegory is a story in which every possible detail has an inner meaning; but an allegory has to be read and studied; a parable is heard. We must be very careful not to make allegories of the parables.” (Barclay)
However, the Parable of the Sower, undoubtedly has certain allegorical aspects. Matthew identifies this as a parable, and verses 3-9 fit the definition of a parable. However, in Jesus’ explanation (vv. 18-23), he gives particular meanings to the seed that is scattered on the various soils —an allegorical approach.
“The question is whether to expand the allegorical approach by labeling other elements of the story as well. For example, some reputable scholars say that Jesus is the sower (Boring, 304; Morris, 335; Senior, 151), but our text does not say that. If Jesus intends this parable to encourage disciples in their proclamation of the Gospel, it would seem that they must be sowers too. We who proclaim the Gospel today are also sowers. It seems best to limit the allegorical approach to elements that Jesus clearly labels as such— namely the seed that falls on the four soils.” (Donovan)
While not as comforting as the Parable of the Prodigal Son or the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Sower is one of Jesus’ best known parables. Preachers use it to warn people against becoming poor soil and to encourage them to be fruitful soil. Also, the church in every century has seen people reject Christ, and this parable gives us a framework for understanding that.
Today we explore the explanation given by our Lord for the discourse that he himself—according to Matthew—referred to as being the Parable of the Sower.
This parable is found in all three Synoptic Gospels. Mark’s version (4:3-8, 13-20) was the first to be written. It is likely that both Matthew and Luke (8:5-8, 11-15) had access to Mark’s version when they penned their own versions.
Chapters 12-13 emphasize two themes: (1) Jesus as the Son of God. (2) The opposition of Jesus’ enemies, who are determined to kill him (Leuking, 72). Here Jesus illustrates how this parable—as well as those that follow—illustrate the core reasons of the opposition he has experienced.
“Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.” (v. 18) “Jesus gives the parable a title —the parable of the sower. The Gospel of Mark is Matthew’s primary source for this parable, but does not include a title. It seems unlikely that Jesus would be so formal as to give the parable a title, so it is likely Matthew’s addition. Matthew also gives a name to “the parable of the weeds of the field” (13:36).” (Donovan)
In verse 10b, the disciples had asked, “Why speakest thou unto them in parables? ” He gave them a general response in verses 11-17, more of a “why” he used this approach; but now he gives a more detailed explanation of this particular parable.
“Our Lord Jesus kindly took the hint, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the parable, directing his discourse to the disciples, but in the hearing of the multitude, for we have not the account of his dismissing them till v. 36. "Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower (v. 18); you have heard it, but let us go over it again." Note, It is of good use, and would contribute much to our understanding the word and profiting by it, to hear over again what we have heard (Phil. 3:1); "You have heard it, but hear the interpretation of it.’” (Henry)
“When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.” (v. 19) Jesus had used the similitude of a farmer sowing seeds, in verse 4, and he used the example of some of the seed falling by the wayside, where they are unable to take root and grow, and birds flock to eat the seeds up.
One of the many doctrines to arise out of the Protestant reformation, Sola Scriptura, or scripture alone—on face value—is not a bad doctrine. However, without instruction, or some sort of standard explaining what the Holy Word of God means, we potentially expose ourselves to the same dilemma that Jesus outlines here. If we, “heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not” we either come to the wrong conclusion of the meaning resulting in a faulty application of the word, or the message fails to take root and we fail to abide in Jesus (see John 15:10) and the powers and principalities “then cometh the wicked one” of this world to claim us and sweep us way. There are many resources online as well in print, that explain the word Holy Word of God as it is traditionally interpreted. Please avail yourself of these wonderful educational resources.
It is vitally important that you seek out the traditional and accepted interpretations when you question the meaning of a passage, should you rely on interpretations arising out of contemporary culture—new age interpretations so to speak—you are again spiritually at risk, as many of these are relativistic in that they reflect the opinions of the author and not traditional scholarship.
The meaning of the word of God does not change, the Word was the same yesterday as it will be the same tomorrow.
If you compare a modern opinion verses something traditional—such as the traditional commentary authored by Matthew Henry who I often cite—and you find a vastly different meaning in the recent opinion, then you have in your hands a prime example of why the New Testament repeatedly warns of the coming of false prophets.
Sometimes we refuse to embrace the word as it makes us uncomfortable or challenges our lifestyle(s) that we covet.
“There are many reasons why a person might choose not to embrace the word. Wealthy people might choose not to understand because of the claims that Jesus might make on their wealth. Powerful people might choose not to understand because of their reluctance to allow Jesus to shape their use of power. Hedonistic people might choose not to understand because they don’t want to give up their sinful pleasures. In Jesus’ day, the scribes and Pharisees refused to understand because to embrace Jesus as the Messiah would turn their religious world upside down.” (Donovan)
“But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.” (v. 20-21) Some of us may hear the word and not understand it, fail to try to find meaning and inspiration, and fall victim to, as Jesus put it, “the wicked one.” In this case however, some hear the word and understand it receiving the word with great joy. But when the lifestyles we covert, or the persecution of the world becomes apparent, we turn from the word. “Tribulation is a general term for suffering which comes from outside; persecution is deliberately inflicted, and usually implies a religious motive. Falls away is literally ‘is tripped up’; it is not a gradual loss of interest, but a collapse under pressure.” (France)
The seeds of the Word Jesus speaks here, do not fail due to the sudden growth, but rather they fail due to lack of depth. The conversion to Christianity has failed to take sufficient root.
“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.” (v. 22)
“As seed falling among thorns grew, the stalks of grain were soon choked out (Matthew 13:7), so some respond to the word and grow for a while, but are choked and stopped in their spiritual growth by competition from unspiritual things. This soil represents fertile ground for the word; but their soil is too fertile, because it also grows all sorts of other things that choke out the Word of God; namely, it is the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches that choke the word.“ (Guzik)
There has been many a Christian who was very faithful, who gave witness, who taught others of the message of Salvation bringing them to Jesus. But then, all too sadly, they fell victim to the temptations of the world.
How many televangelists have we watched that were faithful teachers, who delivered inspiring sermons touching hearts across the face of the Earth, then they fell from grace after a scandal overshadowed their witness? How many Protestant Preachers or even Catholic Priests and Bishops, people that we looked up to, betrayed not only our trust, but that of the Father’s as well? Consider how many of our neighbors, and even relatives, that were trusted Men and Women of God, until they fell victim to temptation. Yes, sometimes the seed Jesus spoke of takes deep root, it produces, but in the end it is choked out by the weeds of “the wicked one.”
“But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” (v. 23)
“This is what number-crunchers call “the bottom line.” Yes, we Christians have wasted our breath preaching to people on the pathway—and rocky ground—and thorny ground. Yes, some of our efforts will never amount to anything. However, that doesn’t matter, because those who hear the word and understand it (take it into their hearts—live by it—stake their lives on it) will produce an abundant harvest.” (Donovan)
This parable warns that initial enthusiasm does not necessarily indicate true discipleship. The best test is the kind of perseverance that survives temptation and produces fruit.
This parable also—albeit indirectly—inculcates the need to be watchful, and willing to come to the spiritual aid, of those that have been choked by the weeds and thorns of the world. In social media posts, we read almost each and everyday of someone explaining how they had heard the word and responded, but turned away due to the thorns—that they perceived Christians to be.
Sometimes these that turn away, do not feel willing to give up their old ways and be born again. Others become disenchanted due to the perceived excesses of Christians. This last Sunday our lesson was on John 15:9–17. This passage is one of the most abused and misunderstood passages in the book of John. Verse 17, which reads, “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” is thought to mean that Christians must love everyone unconditioanlly; which is true, but, in verse 10 Jesus said “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” Which means, that we abide in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus and God the Father, we will obey their commandments, all of the commandments, not just love one another. True love, is sometimes tough love. Jesus demonstrated this “tough love” by calling out those who had twisted his Fathers commandments into a perverse ideology.
Likewise, as followers of Christ, we are to speak truth to sin. We are to do this in a compassionate manner, but none the less we are commanded to help others recognize sin and find repentance—as we ourselves try to do better in our own Christian path—and to rise above sin as we are all sinners.
If your sibling is involved or considering a decisively destructive act, an act that breaks the civil law, do you help them to reconsider, or do you support them unconditionally even if it means they are going to end up in jail or the cemetery? If you truly love your sibling, you will try to demonstrate tough love to dissuade them from taking a path to destruction.
A Christian is called to dissuade others from taking a spiritually destructive path as well. However, some newly converted Christians get “turned off” by other Christians trying to demonstrate true love by speaking truth. Here we have yet another example of what Jesus was speaking of when he referred to seeds that fail to take deep root.
When we focus on passages like John 15:17—the “feel good” passages—and ignore all the other teachings throughout both the Old and New Testaments, what I call “tough love” passages, we become as the seeds Jesus spoke of that fell by the wayside or were choked out by the thorns, those that heard the word but failed to understand it and take it totally to heart.
Benediction
Almighty God, who created us in your image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

The Collect
O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen
Readings:
Psalm 78:1–39 Leviticus 26:1–20
Gospel: Matthew 13:18–23
18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
Commentary:
Matthew chapter 13 follows the events of preceding chapter in which we find Jesus moving from controversy to controversy. The disciples provoke a Sabbath controversy by plucking grain on the Sabbath (12:1-8). Jesus provokes a Sabbath controversy by healing on the Sabbath (12:9-14). He heals a demoniac and is accused of healing by the power of Beelzebul. (12:22-32). He gives a short but sharply worded discourse (12:33-37). The scribes and Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign, and he responds with a sharp rebuke and a discourse (12:38-45). The crowd tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside to talk with him, and Jesus responds, “For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother”(12:46-50). In the midst of controversy, crowds follow Jesus and he heals many people (12:15-21).
Then in chapter 13 Matthew writes “The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side. And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.” (13:1-2)
Jesus, after a busy morning filled with teaching and confrontations with the Pharisees and even his (earthly) family, went down to the seashore, got into a boat, and began to preach to the multitudes that had been following him.
Matthew explains, “And he spake many things unto them in parables.” The idea behind the word parable is “to throw alongside of.” It is a story thrown alongside the truth intended to teach. Parables have been called “earthly stories with a heavenly meaning.”
Parables generally teach one main point or principle. We can get into trouble by expecting that they be intricate systems of theology, with the smallest detail revealing hidden truths. “A parable is not an allegory; an allegory is a story in which every possible detail has an inner meaning; but an allegory has to be read and studied; a parable is heard. We must be very careful not to make allegories of the parables.” (Barclay)
However, the Parable of the Sower, undoubtedly has certain allegorical aspects. Matthew identifies this as a parable, and verses 3-9 fit the definition of a parable. However, in Jesus’ explanation (vv. 18-23), he gives particular meanings to the seed that is scattered on the various soils —an allegorical approach.
“The question is whether to expand the allegorical approach by labeling other elements of the story as well. For example, some reputable scholars say that Jesus is the sower (Boring, 304; Morris, 335; Senior, 151), but our text does not say that. If Jesus intends this parable to encourage disciples in their proclamation of the Gospel, it would seem that they must be sowers too. We who proclaim the Gospel today are also sowers. It seems best to limit the allegorical approach to elements that Jesus clearly labels as such— namely the seed that falls on the four soils.” (Donovan)
While not as comforting as the Parable of the Prodigal Son or the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Sower is one of Jesus’ best known parables. Preachers use it to warn people against becoming poor soil and to encourage them to be fruitful soil. Also, the church in every century has seen people reject Christ, and this parable gives us a framework for understanding that.
Today we explore the explanation given by our Lord for the discourse that he himself—according to Matthew—referred to as being the Parable of the Sower.
This parable is found in all three Synoptic Gospels. Mark’s version (4:3-8, 13-20) was the first to be written. It is likely that both Matthew and Luke (8:5-8, 11-15) had access to Mark’s version when they penned their own versions.
Chapters 12-13 emphasize two themes: (1) Jesus as the Son of God. (2) The opposition of Jesus’ enemies, who are determined to kill him (Leuking, 72). Here Jesus illustrates how this parable—as well as those that follow—illustrate the core reasons of the opposition he has experienced.
“Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.” (v. 18) “Jesus gives the parable a title —the parable of the sower. The Gospel of Mark is Matthew’s primary source for this parable, but does not include a title. It seems unlikely that Jesus would be so formal as to give the parable a title, so it is likely Matthew’s addition. Matthew also gives a name to “the parable of the weeds of the field” (13:36).” (Donovan)
In verse 10b, the disciples had asked, “Why speakest thou unto them in parables? ” He gave them a general response in verses 11-17, more of a “why” he used this approach; but now he gives a more detailed explanation of this particular parable.
“Our Lord Jesus kindly took the hint, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the parable, directing his discourse to the disciples, but in the hearing of the multitude, for we have not the account of his dismissing them till v. 36. "Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower (v. 18); you have heard it, but let us go over it again." Note, It is of good use, and would contribute much to our understanding the word and profiting by it, to hear over again what we have heard (Phil. 3:1); "You have heard it, but hear the interpretation of it.’” (Henry)
“When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.” (v. 19) Jesus had used the similitude of a farmer sowing seeds, in verse 4, and he used the example of some of the seed falling by the wayside, where they are unable to take root and grow, and birds flock to eat the seeds up.
One of the many doctrines to arise out of the Protestant reformation, Sola Scriptura, or scripture alone—on face value—is not a bad doctrine. However, without instruction, or some sort of standard explaining what the Holy Word of God means, we potentially expose ourselves to the same dilemma that Jesus outlines here. If we, “heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not” we either come to the wrong conclusion of the meaning resulting in a faulty application of the word, or the message fails to take root and we fail to abide in Jesus (see John 15:10) and the powers and principalities “then cometh the wicked one” of this world to claim us and sweep us way. There are many resources online as well in print, that explain the word Holy Word of God as it is traditionally interpreted. Please avail yourself of these wonderful educational resources.
It is vitally important that you seek out the traditional and accepted interpretations when you question the meaning of a passage, should you rely on interpretations arising out of contemporary culture—new age interpretations so to speak—you are again spiritually at risk, as many of these are relativistic in that they reflect the opinions of the author and not traditional scholarship.
The meaning of the word of God does not change, the Word was the same yesterday as it will be the same tomorrow.
If you compare a modern opinion verses something traditional—such as the traditional commentary authored by Matthew Henry who I often cite—and you find a vastly different meaning in the recent opinion, then you have in your hands a prime example of why the New Testament repeatedly warns of the coming of false prophets.
Sometimes we refuse to embrace the word as it makes us uncomfortable or challenges our lifestyle(s) that we covet.
“There are many reasons why a person might choose not to embrace the word. Wealthy people might choose not to understand because of the claims that Jesus might make on their wealth. Powerful people might choose not to understand because of their reluctance to allow Jesus to shape their use of power. Hedonistic people might choose not to understand because they don’t want to give up their sinful pleasures. In Jesus’ day, the scribes and Pharisees refused to understand because to embrace Jesus as the Messiah would turn their religious world upside down.” (Donovan)
“But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.” (v. 20-21) Some of us may hear the word and not understand it, fail to try to find meaning and inspiration, and fall victim to, as Jesus put it, “the wicked one.” In this case however, some hear the word and understand it receiving the word with great joy. But when the lifestyles we covert, or the persecution of the world becomes apparent, we turn from the word. “Tribulation is a general term for suffering which comes from outside; persecution is deliberately inflicted, and usually implies a religious motive. Falls away is literally ‘is tripped up’; it is not a gradual loss of interest, but a collapse under pressure.” (France)
The seeds of the Word Jesus speaks here, do not fail due to the sudden growth, but rather they fail due to lack of depth. The conversion to Christianity has failed to take sufficient root.
“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.” (v. 22)
“As seed falling among thorns grew, the stalks of grain were soon choked out (Matthew 13:7), so some respond to the word and grow for a while, but are choked and stopped in their spiritual growth by competition from unspiritual things. This soil represents fertile ground for the word; but their soil is too fertile, because it also grows all sorts of other things that choke out the Word of God; namely, it is the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches that choke the word.“ (Guzik)
There has been many a Christian who was very faithful, who gave witness, who taught others of the message of Salvation bringing them to Jesus. But then, all too sadly, they fell victim to the temptations of the world.
How many televangelists have we watched that were faithful teachers, who delivered inspiring sermons touching hearts across the face of the Earth, then they fell from grace after a scandal overshadowed their witness? How many Protestant Preachers or even Catholic Priests and Bishops, people that we looked up to, betrayed not only our trust, but that of the Father’s as well? Consider how many of our neighbors, and even relatives, that were trusted Men and Women of God, until they fell victim to temptation. Yes, sometimes the seed Jesus spoke of takes deep root, it produces, but in the end it is choked out by the weeds of “the wicked one.”
“But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” (v. 23)
“This is what number-crunchers call “the bottom line.” Yes, we Christians have wasted our breath preaching to people on the pathway—and rocky ground—and thorny ground. Yes, some of our efforts will never amount to anything. However, that doesn’t matter, because those who hear the word and understand it (take it into their hearts—live by it—stake their lives on it) will produce an abundant harvest.” (Donovan)
This parable warns that initial enthusiasm does not necessarily indicate true discipleship. The best test is the kind of perseverance that survives temptation and produces fruit.
This parable also—albeit indirectly—inculcates the need to be watchful, and willing to come to the spiritual aid, of those that have been choked by the weeds and thorns of the world. In social media posts, we read almost each and everyday of someone explaining how they had heard the word and responded, but turned away due to the thorns—that they perceived Christians to be.
Sometimes these that turn away, do not feel willing to give up their old ways and be born again. Others become disenchanted due to the perceived excesses of Christians. This last Sunday our lesson was on John 15:9–17. This passage is one of the most abused and misunderstood passages in the book of John. Verse 17, which reads, “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” is thought to mean that Christians must love everyone unconditioanlly; which is true, but, in verse 10 Jesus said “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” Which means, that we abide in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus and God the Father, we will obey their commandments, all of the commandments, not just love one another. True love, is sometimes tough love. Jesus demonstrated this “tough love” by calling out those who had twisted his Fathers commandments into a perverse ideology.
Likewise, as followers of Christ, we are to speak truth to sin. We are to do this in a compassionate manner, but none the less we are commanded to help others recognize sin and find repentance—as we ourselves try to do better in our own Christian path—and to rise above sin as we are all sinners.
If your sibling is involved or considering a decisively destructive act, an act that breaks the civil law, do you help them to reconsider, or do you support them unconditionally even if it means they are going to end up in jail or the cemetery? If you truly love your sibling, you will try to demonstrate tough love to dissuade them from taking a path to destruction.
A Christian is called to dissuade others from taking a spiritually destructive path as well. However, some newly converted Christians get “turned off” by other Christians trying to demonstrate true love by speaking truth. Here we have yet another example of what Jesus was speaking of when he referred to seeds that fail to take deep root.
When we focus on passages like John 15:17—the “feel good” passages—and ignore all the other teachings throughout both the Old and New Testaments, what I call “tough love” passages, we become as the seeds Jesus spoke of that fell by the wayside or were choked out by the thorns, those that heard the word but failed to understand it and take it totally to heart.
Benediction
Almighty God, who created us in your image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

The Collect
O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen
Readings:
Psalm 78:1–39 Leviticus 26:1–20
Gospel: Matthew 13:18–23
18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
Commentary:
Matthew chapter 13 follows the events of preceding chapter in which we find Jesus moving from controversy to controversy. The disciples provoke a Sabbath controversy by plucking grain on the Sabbath (12:1-8). Jesus provokes a Sabbath controversy by healing on the Sabbath (12:9-14). He heals a demoniac and is accused of healing by the power of Beelzebul. (12:22-32). He gives a short but sharply worded discourse (12:33-37). The scribes and Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign, and he responds with a sharp rebuke and a discourse (12:38-45). The crowd tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside to talk with him, and Jesus responds, “For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother”(12:46-50). In the midst of controversy, crowds follow Jesus and he heals many people (12:15-21).
Then in chapter 13 Matthew writes “The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side. And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.” (13:1-2)
Jesus, after a busy morning filled with teaching and confrontations with the Pharisees and even his (earthly) family, went down to the seashore, got into a boat, and began to preach to the multitudes that had been following him.
Matthew explains, “And he spake many things unto them in parables.” The idea behind the word parable is “to throw alongside of.” It is a story thrown alongside the truth intended to teach. Parables have been called “earthly stories with a heavenly meaning.”
Parables generally teach one main point or principle. We can get into trouble by expecting that they be intricate systems of theology, with the smallest detail revealing hidden truths. “A parable is not an allegory; an allegory is a story in which every possible detail has an inner meaning; but an allegory has to be read and studied; a parable is heard. We must be very careful not to make allegories of the parables.” (Barclay)
However, the Parable of the Sower, undoubtedly has certain allegorical aspects. Matthew identifies this as a parable, and verses 3-9 fit the definition of a parable. However, in Jesus’ explanation (vv. 18-23), he gives particular meanings to the seed that is scattered on the various soils —an allegorical approach.
“The question is whether to expand the allegorical approach by labeling other elements of the story as well. For example, some reputable scholars say that Jesus is the sower (Boring, 304; Morris, 335; Senior, 151), but our text does not say that. If Jesus intends this parable to encourage disciples in their proclamation of the Gospel, it would seem that they must be sowers too. We who proclaim the Gospel today are also sowers. It seems best to limit the allegorical approach to elements that Jesus clearly labels as such— namely the seed that falls on the four soils.” (Donovan)
While not as comforting as the Parable of the Prodigal Son or the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Sower is one of Jesus’ best known parables. Preachers use it to warn people against becoming poor soil and to encourage them to be fruitful soil. Also, the church in every century has seen people reject Christ, and this parable gives us a framework for understanding that.
Today we explore the explanation given by our Lord for the discourse that he himself—according to Matthew—referred to as being the Parable of the Sower.
This parable is found in all three Synoptic Gospels. Mark’s version (4:3-8, 13-20) was the first to be written. It is likely that both Matthew and Luke (8:5-8, 11-15) had access to Mark’s version when they penned their own versions.
Chapters 12-13 emphasize two themes: (1) Jesus as the Son of God. (2) The opposition of Jesus’ enemies, who are determined to kill him (Leuking, 72). Here Jesus illustrates how this parable—as well as those that follow—illustrate the core reasons of the opposition he has experienced.
“Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.” (v. 18) “Jesus gives the parable a title —the parable of the sower. The Gospel of Mark is Matthew’s primary source for this parable, but does not include a title. It seems unlikely that Jesus would be so formal as to give the parable a title, so it is likely Matthew’s addition. Matthew also gives a name to “the parable of the weeds of the field” (13:36).” (Donovan)
In verse 10b, the disciples had asked, “Why speakest thou unto them in parables? ” He gave them a general response in verses 11-17, more of a “why” he used this approach; but now he gives a more detailed explanation of this particular parable.
“Our Lord Jesus kindly took the hint, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the parable, directing his discourse to the disciples, but in the hearing of the multitude, for we have not the account of his dismissing them till v. 36. "Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower (v. 18); you have heard it, but let us go over it again." Note, It is of good use, and would contribute much to our understanding the word and profiting by it, to hear over again what we have heard (Phil. 3:1); "You have heard it, but hear the interpretation of it.’” (Henry)
“When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.” (v. 19) Jesus had used the similitude of a farmer sowing seeds, in verse 4, and he used the example of some of the seed falling by the wayside, where they are unable to take root and grow, and birds flock to eat the seeds up.
One of the many doctrines to arise out of the Protestant reformation, Sola Scriptura, or scripture alone—on face value—is not a bad doctrine. However, without instruction, or some sort of standard explaining what the Holy Word of God means, we potentially expose ourselves to the same dilemma that Jesus outlines here. If we, “heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not” we either come to the wrong conclusion of the meaning resulting in a faulty application of the word, or the message fails to take root and we fail to abide in Jesus (see John 15:10) and the powers and principalities “then cometh the wicked one” of this world to claim us and sweep us way. There are many resources online as well in print, that explain the word Holy Word of God as it is traditionally interpreted. Please avail yourself of these wonderful educational resources.
It is vitally important that you seek out the traditional and accepted interpretations when you question the meaning of a passage, should you rely on interpretations arising out of contemporary culture—new age interpretations so to speak—you are again spiritually at risk, as many of these are relativistic in that they reflect the opinions of the author and not traditional scholarship.
The meaning of the word of God does not change, the Word was the same yesterday as it will be the same tomorrow.
If you compare a modern opinion verses something traditional—such as the traditional commentary authored by Matthew Henry who I often cite—and you find a vastly different meaning in the recent opinion, then you have in your hands a prime example of why the New Testament repeatedly warns of the coming of false prophets.
Sometimes we refuse to embrace the word as it makes us uncomfortable or challenges our lifestyle(s) that we covet.
“There are many reasons why a person might choose not to embrace the word. Wealthy people might choose not to understand because of the claims that Jesus might make on their wealth. Powerful people might choose not to understand because of their reluctance to allow Jesus to shape their use of power. Hedonistic people might choose not to understand because they don’t want to give up their sinful pleasures. In Jesus’ day, the scribes and Pharisees refused to understand because to embrace Jesus as the Messiah would turn their religious world upside down.” (Donovan)
“But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.” (v. 20-21) Some of us may hear the word and not understand it, fail to try to find meaning and inspiration, and fall victim to, as Jesus put it, “the wicked one.” In this case however, some hear the word and understand it receiving the word with great joy. But when the lifestyles we covert, or the persecution of the world becomes apparent, we turn from the word. “Tribulation is a general term for suffering which comes from outside; persecution is deliberately inflicted, and usually implies a religious motive. Falls away is literally ‘is tripped up’; it is not a gradual loss of interest, but a collapse under pressure.” (France)
The seeds of the Word Jesus speaks here, do not fail due to the sudden growth, but rather they fail due to lack of depth. The conversion to Christianity has failed to take sufficient root.
“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.” (v. 22)
“As seed falling among thorns grew, the stalks of grain were soon choked out (Matthew 13:7), so some respond to the word and grow for a while, but are choked and stopped in their spiritual growth by competition from unspiritual things. This soil represents fertile ground for the word; but their soil is too fertile, because it also grows all sorts of other things that choke out the Word of God; namely, it is the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches that choke the word.“ (Guzik)
There has been many a Christian who was very faithful, who gave witness, who taught others of the message of Salvation bringing them to Jesus. But then, all too sadly, they fell victim to the temptations of the world.
How many televangelists have we watched that were faithful teachers, who delivered inspiring sermons touching hearts across the face of the Earth, then they fell from grace after a scandal overshadowed their witness? How many Protestant Preachers or even Catholic Priests and Bishops, people that we looked up to, betrayed not only our trust, but that of the Father’s as well? Consider how many of our neighbors, and even relatives, that were trusted Men and Women of God, until they fell victim to temptation. Yes, sometimes the seed Jesus spoke of takes deep root, it produces, but in the end it is choked out by the weeds of “the wicked one.”
“But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” (v. 23)
“This is what number-crunchers call “the bottom line.” Yes, we Christians have wasted our breath preaching to people on the pathway—and rocky ground—and thorny ground. Yes, some of our efforts will never amount to anything. However, that doesn’t matter, because those who hear the word and understand it (take it into their hearts—live by it—stake their lives on it) will produce an abundant harvest.” (Donovan)
This parable warns that initial enthusiasm does not necessarily indicate true discipleship. The best test is the kind of perseverance that survives temptation and produces fruit.
This parable also—albeit indirectly—inculcates the need to be watchful, and willing to come to the spiritual aid, of those that have been choked by the weeds and thorns of the world. In social media posts, we read almost each and everyday of someone explaining how they had heard the word and responded, but turned away due to the thorns—that they perceived Christians to be.
Sometimes these that turn away, do not feel willing to give up their old ways and be born again. Others become disenchanted due to the perceived excesses of Christians. This last Sunday our lesson was on John 15:9–17. This passage is one of the most abused and misunderstood passages in the book of John. Verse 17, which reads, “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” is thought to mean that Christians must love everyone unconditioanlly; which is true, but, in verse 10 Jesus said “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” Which means, that we abide in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus and God the Father, we will obey their commandments, all of the commandments, not just love one another. True love, is sometimes tough love. Jesus demonstrated this “tough love” by calling out those who had twisted his Fathers commandments into a perverse ideology.
Likewise, as followers of Christ, we are to speak truth to sin. We are to do this in a compassionate manner, but none the less we are commanded to help others recognize sin and find repentance—as we ourselves try to do better in our own Christian path—and to rise above sin as we are all sinners.
If your sibling is involved or considering a decisively destructive act, an act that breaks the civil law, do you help them to reconsider, or do you support them unconditionally even if it means they are going to end up in jail or the cemetery? If you truly love your sibling, you will try to demonstrate tough love to dissuade them from taking a path to destruction.
A Christian is called to dissuade others from taking a spiritually destructive path as well. However, some newly converted Christians get “turned off” by other Christians trying to demonstrate true love by speaking truth. Here we have yet another example of what Jesus was speaking of when he referred to seeds that fail to take deep root.
When we focus on passages like John 15:17—the “feel good” passages—and ignore all the other teachings throughout both the Old and New Testaments, what I call “tough love” passages, we become as the seeds Jesus spoke of that fell by the wayside or were choked out by the thorns, those that heard the word but failed to understand it and take it totally to heart.
Benediction
Almighty God, who created us in your image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

The Collect
O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen
Readings:
Psalm 78:1–39 Leviticus 26:1–20
Gospel: Matthew 13:18–23
18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
Commentary:
Matthew chapter 13 follows the events of preceding chapter in which we find Jesus moving from controversy to controversy. The disciples provoke a Sabbath controversy by plucking grain on the Sabbath (12:1-8). Jesus provokes a Sabbath controversy by healing on the Sabbath (12:9-14). He heals a demoniac and is accused of healing by the power of Beelzebul. (12:22-32). He gives a short but sharply worded discourse (12:33-37). The scribes and Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign, and he responds with a sharp rebuke and a discourse (12:38-45). The crowd tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside to talk with him, and Jesus responds, “For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother”(12:46-50). In the midst of controversy, crowds follow Jesus and he heals many people (12:15-21).
Then in chapter 13 Matthew writes “The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side. And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.” (13:1-2)
Jesus, after a busy morning filled with teaching and confrontations with the Pharisees and even his (earthly) family, went down to the seashore, got into a boat, and began to preach to the multitudes that had been following him.
Matthew explains, “And he spake many things unto them in parables.” The idea behind the word parable is “to throw alongside of.” It is a story thrown alongside the truth intended to teach. Parables have been called “earthly stories with a heavenly meaning.”
Parables generally teach one main point or principle. We can get into trouble by expecting that they be intricate systems of theology, with the smallest detail revealing hidden truths. “A parable is not an allegory; an allegory is a story in which every possible detail has an inner meaning; but an allegory has to be read and studied; a parable is heard. We must be very careful not to make allegories of the parables.” (Barclay)
However, the Parable of the Sower, undoubtedly has certain allegorical aspects. Matthew identifies this as a parable, and verses 3-9 fit the definition of a parable. However, in Jesus’ explanation (vv. 18-23), he gives particular meanings to the seed that is scattered on the various soils —an allegorical approach.
“The question is whether to expand the allegorical approach by labeling other elements of the story as well. For example, some reputable scholars say that Jesus is the sower (Boring, 304; Morris, 335; Senior, 151), but our text does not say that. If Jesus intends this parable to encourage disciples in their proclamation of the Gospel, it would seem that they must be sowers too. We who proclaim the Gospel today are also sowers. It seems best to limit the allegorical approach to elements that Jesus clearly labels as such— namely the seed that falls on the four soils.” (Donovan)
While not as comforting as the Parable of the Prodigal Son or the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Sower is one of Jesus’ best known parables. Preachers use it to warn people against becoming poor soil and to encourage them to be fruitful soil. Also, the church in every century has seen people reject Christ, and this parable gives us a framework for understanding that.
Today we explore the explanation given by our Lord for the discourse that he himself—according to Matthew—referred to as being the Parable of the Sower.
This parable is found in all three Synoptic Gospels. Mark’s version (4:3-8, 13-20) was the first to be written. It is likely that both Matthew and Luke (8:5-8, 11-15) had access to Mark’s version when they penned their own versions.
Chapters 12-13 emphasize two themes: (1) Jesus as the Son of God. (2) The opposition of Jesus’ enemies, who are determined to kill him (Leuking, 72). Here Jesus illustrates how this parable—as well as those that follow—illustrate the core reasons of the opposition he has experienced.
“Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.” (v. 18) “Jesus gives the parable a title —the parable of the sower. The Gospel of Mark is Matthew’s primary source for this parable, but does not include a title. It seems unlikely that Jesus would be so formal as to give the parable a title, so it is likely Matthew’s addition. Matthew also gives a name to “the parable of the weeds of the field” (13:36).” (Donovan)
In verse 10b, the disciples had asked, “Why speakest thou unto them in parables? ” He gave them a general response in verses 11-17, more of a “why” he used this approach; but now he gives a more detailed explanation of this particular parable.
“Our Lord Jesus kindly took the hint, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the parable, directing his discourse to the disciples, but in the hearing of the multitude, for we have not the account of his dismissing them till v. 36. "Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower (v. 18); you have heard it, but let us go over it again." Note, It is of good use, and would contribute much to our understanding the word and profiting by it, to hear over again what we have heard (Phil. 3:1); "You have heard it, but hear the interpretation of it.’” (Henry)
“When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.” (v. 19) Jesus had used the similitude of a farmer sowing seeds, in verse 4, and he used the example of some of the seed falling by the wayside, where they are unable to take root and grow, and birds flock to eat the seeds up.
One of the many doctrines to arise out of the Protestant reformation, Sola Scriptura, or scripture alone—on face value—is not a bad doctrine. However, without instruction, or some sort of standard explaining what the Holy Word of God means, we potentially expose ourselves to the same dilemma that Jesus outlines here. If we, “heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not” we either come to the wrong conclusion of the meaning resulting in a faulty application of the word, or the message fails to take root and we fail to abide in Jesus (see John 15:10) and the powers and principalities “then cometh the wicked one” of this world to claim us and sweep us way. There are many resources online as well in print, that explain the word Holy Word of God as it is traditionally interpreted. Please avail yourself of these wonderful educational resources.
It is vitally important that you seek out the traditional and accepted interpretations when you question the meaning of a passage, should you rely on interpretations arising out of contemporary culture—new age interpretations so to speak—you are again spiritually at risk, as many of these are relativistic in that they reflect the opinions of the author and not traditional scholarship.
The meaning of the word of God does not change, the Word was the same yesterday as it will be the same tomorrow.
If you compare a modern opinion verses something traditional—such as the traditional commentary authored by Matthew Henry who I often cite—and you find a vastly different meaning in the recent opinion, then you have in your hands a prime example of why the New Testament repeatedly warns of the coming of false prophets.
Sometimes we refuse to embrace the word as it makes us uncomfortable or challenges our lifestyle(s) that we covet.
“There are many reasons why a person might choose not to embrace the word. Wealthy people might choose not to understand because of the claims that Jesus might make on their wealth. Powerful people might choose not to understand because of their reluctance to allow Jesus to shape their use of power. Hedonistic people might choose not to understand because they don’t want to give up their sinful pleasures. In Jesus’ day, the scribes and Pharisees refused to understand because to embrace Jesus as the Messiah would turn their religious world upside down.” (Donovan)
“But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.” (v. 20-21) Some of us may hear the word and not understand it, fail to try to find meaning and inspiration, and fall victim to, as Jesus put it, “the wicked one.” In this case however, some hear the word and understand it receiving the word with great joy. But when the lifestyles we covert, or the persecution of the world becomes apparent, we turn from the word. “Tribulation is a general term for suffering which comes from outside; persecution is deliberately inflicted, and usually implies a religious motive. Falls away is literally ‘is tripped up’; it is not a gradual loss of interest, but a collapse under pressure.” (France)
The seeds of the Word Jesus speaks here, do not fail due to the sudden growth, but rather they fail due to lack of depth. The conversion to Christianity has failed to take sufficient root.
“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.” (v. 22)
“As seed falling among thorns grew, the stalks of grain were soon choked out (Matthew 13:7), so some respond to the word and grow for a while, but are choked and stopped in their spiritual growth by competition from unspiritual things. This soil represents fertile ground for the word; but their soil is too fertile, because it also grows all sorts of other things that choke out the Word of God; namely, it is the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches that choke the word.“ (Guzik)
There has been many a Christian who was very faithful, who gave witness, who taught others of the message of Salvation bringing them to Jesus. But then, all too sadly, they fell victim to the temptations of the world.
How many televangelists have we watched that were faithful teachers, who delivered inspiring sermons touching hearts across the face of the Earth, then they fell from grace after a scandal overshadowed their witness? How many Protestant Preachers or even Catholic Priests and Bishops, people that we looked up to, betrayed not only our trust, but that of the Father’s as well? Consider how many of our neighbors, and even relatives, that were trusted Men and Women of God, until they fell victim to temptation. Yes, sometimes the seed Jesus spoke of takes deep root, it produces, but in the end it is choked out by the weeds of “the wicked one.”
“But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” (v. 23)
“This is what number-crunchers call “the bottom line.” Yes, we Christians have wasted our breath preaching to people on the pathway—and rocky ground—and thorny ground. Yes, some of our efforts will never amount to anything. However, that doesn’t matter, because those who hear the word and understand it (take it into their hearts—live by it—stake their lives on it) will produce an abundant harvest.” (Donovan)
This parable warns that initial enthusiasm does not necessarily indicate true discipleship. The best test is the kind of perseverance that survives temptation and produces fruit.
This parable also—albeit indirectly—inculcates the need to be watchful, and willing to come to the spiritual aid, of those that have been choked by the weeds and thorns of the world. In social media posts, we read almost each and everyday of someone explaining how they had heard the word and responded, but turned away due to the thorns—that they perceived Christians to be.
Sometimes these that turn away, do not feel willing to give up their old ways and be born again. Others become disenchanted due to the perceived excesses of Christians. This last Sunday our lesson was on John 15:9–17. This passage is one of the most abused and misunderstood passages in the book of John. Verse 17, which reads, “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” is thought to mean that Christians must love everyone unconditioanlly; which is true, but, in verse 10 Jesus said “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” Which means, that we abide in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus and God the Father, we will obey their commandments, all of the commandments, not just love one another. True love, is sometimes tough love. Jesus demonstrated this “tough love” by calling out those who had twisted his Fathers commandments into a perverse ideology.
Likewise, as followers of Christ, we are to speak truth to sin. We are to do this in a compassionate manner, but none the less we are commanded to help others recognize sin and find repentance—as we ourselves try to do better in our own Christian path—and to rise above sin as we are all sinners.
If your sibling is involved or considering a decisively destructive act, an act that breaks the civil law, do you help them to reconsider, or do you support them unconditionally even if it means they are going to end up in jail or the cemetery? If you truly love your sibling, you will try to demonstrate tough love to dissuade them from taking a path to destruction.
A Christian is called to dissuade others from taking a spiritually destructive path as well. However, some newly converted Christians get “turned off” by other Christians trying to demonstrate true love by speaking truth. Here we have yet another example of what Jesus was speaking of when he referred to seeds that fail to take deep root.
When we focus on passages like John 15:17—the “feel good” passages—and ignore all the other teachings throughout both the Old and New Testaments, what I call “tough love” passages, we become as the seeds Jesus spoke of that fell by the wayside or were choked out by the thorns, those that heard the word but failed to understand it and take it totally to heart.
Benediction
Almighty God, who created us in your image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain