Lamictal and bipolar and borderline personality

so, about a month or so ago i had ran out of my antidepressants and desperately needed a refill, i scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist and since it was our first time naturally he asked me what im taking them for and i told him borderline personality disorder. he then began questioning me on bipolar symptoms. (ie do i have manic episodes, depressive episodes) i was deep in withdrawal and noticeably frustrated so he stopped to ask if i was annoyed and i explained i really just need to get my medication right now and im sure of my diagnosis. i had been avoiding my psychiatrist for a while since that incident because i really didn't want confrontation, but they told me if i didn't make an appointment i would get kicked out so i did :( and thats when i had my session today, he was expressing how he's here to help me and so i expressed to him about how the last time when he tried to quiz me about bipolar symptoms, as soon as I told him that I had borderline personality disorder, that caused a distrust between me and him. and then He went on to say "now here's my side , just because you're diagnosed somewhere else doesn't mean that the diagnosis is correct" i know it was hasty and rude, but i immediately stopped him and said I don't care about his side, and how for years I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and I was left for years not knowing what's wrong with me, and that mindset isn't always correct. and he's like I'm sorry, but I don't think this is gonna work and I'm like yeah?? I know?? and I hung up😭

Hey Team! I'm seeing a person with bipolar II - I'm usually pretty skeptical of this diagnosis, but they describe very clear hypomanic episodes lasting weeks, followed by depressive episodes also lasting weeks with signifcant melancholic features. Lithium monotherapy has stopped their hypomanic episodes, but they continue to have quite severe depressive episodes without suicidal ideation. Over the past year these depressive episodes haven't been reduced in frequency, severity or duration despite good duration trials of treatment with two SSRIs and two SNRIs, lamotrigine and an SGA.
Most of my work has been trying to use behavioural and psychological strategies to mitigate the impact of these depressive episodes, with pretty mild effiacy.
I've recently begun to wonder whether this might be someone who could benefit from esketamine to manage the depressive episodes. The small amount of data I can find suggests no known risk of manic switches in esketamine treatment (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bdi.13296), but most of the treatment guidelines are for unipolar treatment resistant depression, and I myself haven't ever used esketamine in any patient.
I was wondering whether anyone had any experience with the use of this drug, and in particular whether they've tried it in bipolar depression.

Over the last 3 months I have been undergoing the process of an autism assessment, and reassessment for borderline personality disorder. This came about after 6+ years of research on autism and the misdiagnosis of BPD in autistic AFAB people, which I became fairly certain was the case for me as well. Assessments are expensive, and I was very fortunate to be able to access one for free which I recognize is a huge privilege.
The reason I decided to finally undergo this process was for a few reasons. One being, I've always known something was different or "wrong" with me...but that my DX of depression, anxiety, and BPD didn't quite fit me. None of the therapies or treatments I've undergone have ever really worked for me, and I thought I was just broken or untreatable. I just knew that I couldn't handle life the same way my peers seemed to be able to, and I struggled to connect with people and maintain those connections to the point where I would end up completely burnt out and have to isolate for months. Nor could I handle working full time, lest I end up in crisis. It made me feel subhuman. Another reason being, if I did decide that I wanted to to back to school or work I would need accommodations that were protected.
But really, I just wanted to know for sure if I was autistic. From all of my research, everything seemed to fit and make sense. It was like I had all the puzzle pieces but didn't know how to put them together until I looked at it through the lens of neurodiversity. But unless I heard it from a professional I would always be second guessing myself and feeling like my struggles aren't valid.
The process itself was made very comfortable by the psychiatrist I was seeing. She was very well informed on the updated information on autism and was very patient and thorough. The first appointment was about an hour and a half, then I did the written portion/scales at home, and yesterday I had my final in person appointment. We went over my test results, and delved deeper into my developmental years up until adulthood. The results? I am not a broken neurotypical, I am a whole neurodivergent/autistic person doing the best they can. I also do not have BPD, the symptoms I displayed were actually a manifestation of my autism. I cried when she told me this, because I've been fighting for a reassessment for so long but kept being told it was "unlikely" to be misdiagnosed and I should just accept it. Finally, I felt listened to and validated.
I feel like I can finally accept myself and be kinder with my inner dialogue. I've been awfully cruel to myself for falling short in so many ways and struggling so much with things that 'should' be easy. I was holding myself to standards that I couldn't maintain and when I couldn't maintain them I would berate myself. I'm honestly very happy to finally know for sure, and feel like I can exist within the autism community without feeling like a fraud or like I'm taking up space that isn't mine.
Thank you for listening, I appreciate each one of you. This is my first post here even though I've lurked for quite some time.
Edit: I forgot to mention that I am 30 years old, and AFAB but identify as non-binary. This diagnosis has been a long time coming.

Hello! I (24 F) met my now boyfriend (19 M) around six months ago in a class, and we started dating about 2 months ago.
He didn’t know he had bipolar disorder, but went through a manic episode that ended with his family taking him to a psychiatric hospital and getting his diagnosis, so he just started with his medication about a week ago.
As you can imagine it was weeks of him not eating or sleeping and being just very impulsive and erratic. During the episode he did a lot of things that hurt me like technically cheating at my own house (I say technically because we were not official yet), being rude to my son (4 M) and smoking both weed and cigarettes in front of him (in those moments I just tried to get my son away from him).
When his parents took him away I was sure I was breaking up with him, but then I heard about his diagnosis and her mom told me that doctors at the hospital told her he couldn’t stop talking about us and how we were his family and wanted to get better for us.
He spent a week and a half at the hospital and got back very calm and being the sweet loving person that I met, but I’m scared.
I genuinely want to help him get to know his new life and diagnosis, and support him through all the changes he’s about to go through. But i also know that it’s not my responsibility to be there and that he hurt me and could potentially hurt me again and also my son who has become very attached to him.
Now we’re together and he’s been telling me that we are now his reason to get better and keep going, but he has also talked about his intention to continue using weed (which doctors indicated not to use) and also proposed being non exclusive just sexually speaking, which I think I would’ve been okay with if the cheating hadn’t happened before.
There’s a lot going on and I’m very confused and advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Hey guys so I was wondering if any of you have had any experience on being pregnant and on meds. I'm taking lamictal 200mg, Olanzapine 2.5mg and fluoxetine 20mg. My doctors tell me I should be fine and that my bipolar symptoms would get worse if I stop taking them. I have read a lot but there seems to be very little info regarding on how it would affect my baby long term. Thank you for your time.

as a woman with borderline personality disorder, why am i always being laughed at? Why am I always hated by those that claimed they loved me? How am I supposed to get better? I have a son, I didn't mean to get pregnant. I'm trying and failing. How can I overcome this diagnoses so I can atleast be an average mom for him? I have to help him in this world that I don't want to be in. How do I do this?

I will be marrying my amazing fiancé soon. This is supposed to be a really happy time in my life, and in many ways it is, but it's also kinda depressing because I've realized that I basically have no friends.
This disorder (which I was recently diagnosed with) has really taken a toll on my life. I've pushed away, scared away, or ghosted all of my friends, over and over again, through every stage of life. I didn't realize what I was battling the whole time, but I knew that something was wrong, so I didn't maintain my friendships or let anyone love me. And now I'm a working adult with 1 distant friend and nobody to put in my wedding party.
I'm fine with being alone most of the time, but this... really sucks. I can't just go out and suddenly make a few lifelong friends who I'd want to have in my wedding. My fiancé on the other hand, has plenty of friends to invite and put in their wedding party. It's going to so unbalanced that it will be embarrassing - I feel like the ceremony and pictures are just going to highlight how pathetically alone I am.
I feel really shitty and I'm hoping someone can relate to this feeling. Any advice for how to have a happy wedding as a lonely bipolar person would be amazing.
Even if this gets no responses, I want you to know how grateful I am that this amazing community exists and that you all participate in it. It's helped me accept and manage my diagnosis. And I feel much less alone knowing you guys are out here too :)

I'm undiagnosed and have posted here several times over the last month or two, originally after starting Zoloft. I admitted myself to the ward when I woke up one morning and thought I was the only person alive and everyone was dead, and I had was becoming a little delusional. I was starting to have very dangerous thoughts against religion, saying how anyone who believed in religion should be in prison and have zero access to licenses… I was keeping my parents up all night, and arguing constantly. I didn't believe I was manic, but given how I was having thoughts of hurting other people to see if I was alive and real I decided to check in.
Being undiagnosed its been weird for sure, I will ask the doctor tomorrow if they have a consensus on my mental state and whether or not they believe I have bipolar. In the time being I have to say its been really strange, I feel stable now, luckily, I have people around me who are fun but at the same time I feel myself drifting into depression.
I'm on several mood stabilizers which have helped great, my sleep is still wonky but at least I'm not doing 17k steps walking in circles around the ward 24/7. Being so young its good to have this stuff figured out, and I feel its so important to get this major roadblock out of the way while young. I feel calm, normal, a little depressed but normal.
I'm currently in the phase of trying to recollect all of the things I did this past week and trying to navigate my mistakes in the best way possible. Ideally I shouldve came a little sooner, while I will still very manic, however I still caught the tail end of it and the doctors have something to work from.
I just want to say, if anyone is in that state. Or they have a loved one in that state, please seek medical help, yeah it might not be the most fun, but its good to get the uncomfortable things over with to make room for the joy in life. Hopefully when I get out I will try and seek new connection find a partner and build my life. Maybe start school, sell art… whatever it may be.
Hopefully with the answers with bring joy in the future. I feel calm and collected right now and all of this has been a breath of fresh air.

My psychiatrist wanted me to go to a day program and has been saying I have been in a mixed episode.
In the first day I was having severe anxiety and at the end of the day the therapist said I am not sure if your manic but I can see your emotionaly disregulated.
Does this mean she thinks I am borderline?
I am not even sure if she read my doctors notes or diagnosis I have been diagnosed bipolar 15 years and therapist notes for the first day say mood disorder unspecified depression.

How do I tell a friend I've evolved past them ?
I think I've outgrown this friend?
I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was jealous that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or hear anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

So I'm going to try my best to summarize our relationship and it's downfall because I'm left super broken and I don't know what else to do or who to talk to. My boyfriend (22m) and I (23f) met about a year ago when I was on a family trip. We met on a dating app and both thought it'd be something super casual but when we met and we clicked instantly and it was a mutual kind of obsession, ended up with us keeping in contact and we came to the conclusion that life is short and that we should try out our relationship despite it being long distance. I had never been in such caring and loving relationship in my life. I thought it'd be one of my first healthy relationships and we both felt a mutual level of respect and love towards each other. Neither of us wanted to lose the other and we held on till the very end, we had tried to come up with plans of closing the distance but because we're both young we haven't be able to work through that quite well. We both agreed that despite dating other people, we felt like we were each others true first love. We managed to be able to see each other at least once every month since we've started dating. At first we were both full of hope, and although there was arguments and disagreements we'd successfully managed to overcome them together and make our relationship even stronger. My boyfriend, as well as I, have struggled with mental illness. He falls on the spectrum (you wouldn't be able to tell) and has mentioned having very frequent bipolar tendencies, although not fully diagnosed. He has had multiple anxiety attacks, has suffered from a lack of confidence, and has recently stopped taking his medication and going to therapy due to something falling through with insurance. I was there for him during all of this. For a while, things were fine. We were supposed to see each other this month and I was going to fly over yesterday. After a while of not seeing each other, we began to come at each other and had one week of full arguing, which were mostly my fault. I hadn't gotten help until just super recently and have been prospectively diagnosed with BPD, where my psychiatrist and I are doing a treatment plan and she is putting me on mood stabilizers because of my heavy up's and downs. They get worse around my menstrual cycle, and 2 weeks ago I was not okay. I was constantly starting arguments, self-sabotaging my relationship and telling my boyfriend that the distance is too much and that I think we should break up (fear of abandonment and I did not actually want to break up). We got past that argument, barely, and still continued to recover. But then we had two more arguments that just left my boyfriend completely drained and left me feeling even crazier. We decided to stop talking for a few days until we could see each other in person, but in that time he decided he no longer wanted to continue our relationship, that he hadn't realized how deeply broken and depressed our relationship has caused him to be. It hurts more than anything in the world and I care about this person so deeply. Our last conversation he said that he felt like a flip just switched and that although he loved me, he didn't feel like the same person. I know that he's paralyzed by depression and there is nothing I can do right now but give him space, but I'm so worried that something might happen and I can't do anything to stop it or help him. I have never felt so broken down by a relationship that once made me so happy, and I didn't realize how much damage we were doing to each other until now. The distance with a combination of both of us suffering mentally has not helped and has ruined our relationship. I just feel so broken and torn apart and I have no idea what to do because I have never felt more love for another person. I pleaded for another chance and that we could get better together, but he is so defeated and depressed, someone that used to be so crazy about me just flipped a switch and I feel like I've been abandoned and it is the scariest thing I've ever had to go through. I feel guilty as hell for the arguments and for pushing him away and self sabotaging, and I find myself not being able to fully eat or find happiness in anything and just looking forward to the possibility of him being able to come back to me so we can be happy again, but I think i'm full of false hope and that my relationship was doomed from the start with the person I love the most. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

This happened a while ago but I still think about it. My mom who is emotionally neglectful and mentally abusive (maybe a narcissist) unintentionally, once told me that because I’m bipolar that doesn’t mean I can be mean. We were in the car and she was provoking me and I told her I was bipolar (she knows this) and she went “bipolar doesn’t mean mean!”. I don’t know if im crazy or not but I think that being “mean” (especially when I’m highly irritated by the person im talking to) is part of the illness…

Based on reading posts on this subreddit I’m sure a lot of you can relate, so I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to cope or encouragement that this will pass.
Since mid March I have been extremely busy with big events, traveling, and family visiting I just accepted my re-diagnosis of Bipolar 2 at 26, after 4 years of denial, and started Lamictal in January of this year. I went up to 150mg at the beginning of April because, though I was more stable, I was experiencing extreme irritability at times.
Routine is so important to me and my mental wellbeing, because of all of all the traveling and events I haven’t been able to maintain it at all. I want to be able to participate in all the activities that my husband and the rest of our families and friends are doing joyfully. Im just so tired and worried im going to continue declining to the point where I hit my extremes and ruining things.

I think I've outgrown this friend?
I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was jealous that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or hear anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

Tldr: I want to breakup with my bf but he is currently falling apart and even comes up with suicidal thoughts
Forgive me for any kind of language mistake, English is not my first language
Sooooo, I have known this guy since September 2023 (friend of a friend, we met at a party). First, we flirted, BUT I stopped everything because I was scared. THEN I came back because I regret stopping our relationship in progress, AND we ended up in a situationship for almost 2 months and a half. That was really hard for me because every time I raised my hopes, he put them down. At some point,, he was the one who kind of stopped the situationship. I was kind of relieved when it happened since I was experiencing anxiety since the situationship began.
He came back, though, and we ended up being a couple. It’s been four months, and basically the relationship was 70% meh/bad times and 30% happy stuff. I spent a month away at my parent's place, and I didn’t miss him at all.
About who he is, his plans are to stop working by 30 thanks to investment (in crypto and in buildings ), he don’t have a degree yet, but he is a hard worker, BUT he lost his license and job because of Weed. He is really closed minded, has his own opinion, and If you don’t agree then you’re wrong. Right now, his family is falling apart; mom can’t leave dad because he might end up on the street, but dad is an alcoholic that wastes the family money.
Basically, his life is falling apart, but in my opinion, he doesn’t do much for it to be better. Could go to a psychologist or doctor, but don’t, don’t’ listen to my advice at all, and kind of use me as a punching ball emotionally since I am the only one he opens up and talks about his problem (yes, he has friends or best friends’, but dont’ talk with them)
About me: I have bipolar disorder. My teenage years were absolutely terrible; I spent almost all of them depressed, deeply, and twice. Now I'm doing so much better; I have a treatment that works perfectly, and I'm living life like a «normal » person. I always seek the good in everything, and I try to be as optimistic as I can.
Next September, I'm going abroad to do my last year of my law degree.
The thing is, our relationship is going nowhere; we are way too different; we don’t have the same goal in life, the same global ideas... He even said it himself: We talk all the time through texts, but we never say much or disagree every time, and like I said, many, many times he was never fair with me. This relationship is really consuming for me. I don’t’ want to waste my youth like that, and I've been thinking of breaking up for a month now, and I made up my mind about what I wanted in life, and it’s not a relationship with him.
Problem is, he is in the darkest situation ever, he barely has the will to live anymore. He made references to suicidal thoughts. He saw our friends this afternoon because he couldn’t’ be alone. When I asked my friend if he could do something unforgettable, she said that she couldn’t tell.
I suffered almost my whole life; I can’t take it, I can’t handle this and I can’t handle him anymore. I dont’ live him, never did, and I clearly don’t see anything possible between us.
To clarify, we never i love you to each other, I think this is important. I mean right now I ´me the only one he can find confort in and that’s’ what makes me believe that he value me a lot right now
I ´m lost, I ´m seing him in two days, and I have no idea how how to react, i don’t’ want to kiss him; I don’t want his touch, sobs, crying, reproaches… i just want my peace back
I don’t’ know what to do; if anyone has an idea or solution, I will take it.
I know it was long so thanks for reading.
Tldr: I want to breakup with my bf but he is currently falling appart and even comes up with suicidal thoughts

I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was worried that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

I’ve been seriously in my bag about my ex bf recently and maybe comfort from strangers will help. I don’t want to bring this up to friends or family because I know they don’t think this guy is worth it and I just don’t want to admit to anyone (besides my therapist) that I am still hung up on this.
He and I started dating way back in 2016 and dated for just about two years. We were really young and I know that and I feel like that makes this all sound less valid, but it is still very real to me 8 years later. I was 17 when we started dating and I lost my virginity to him. we broke up because my mental health was lower than ever for a while and I could tell that he couldn’t handle it and I felt the distance grow between us. I know that was the right thing to do because if someone can’t handle you at your worst then they don’t deserve you at your best. but objectively, I was really inconsolable and had an immature outlook on life and I was impossible to talk to at that time. My family could barely talk to me either because I was so insufferable and just waiting for the world to change for me and magically be satisfied with life. Depression is real (I’m bipolar), but I don’t blame him for dropping something that was heavily weighing him down. I did rely on him too much as my only source of happiness. I’m not saying that fully excuses him not being great at supporting me during that time, but he did try with thoughtful gestures and words for a long time. It’s not like he backed off as soon as I became depressed, it had been going on for 2 semesters of college. that was in 2018
Fast forward to now, it is mid 2024, I’m almost 25 yrs old, and I am somehow still so hung up on him. I’m trying to be rational and I understand that maybe losing your virginity to someone creates a bond you’ll never have with someone else, especially when you were in a committed “first love” relationship with them. but I just can’t shake it. I am the friend that gives other people a reality check when they are hung up on someone who isn’t worth it, but I just can’t practice what I preach with this one. We have been seeing each other casually when we are both in our hometown on and off since we broke up, pretty much. We have had a few brief phases where we were basically back together, but we ended up in different cities and never really had the chance to truly try again as adults.
I know it is not smart to continue to talk to him and have sex with him, even if it is few and far between. it’s sad, but no one else has ever given me anything close to the feeling that he has given me, whether it’s in bed or not, but it’s just true. I know I chase being intimate with him because it is the only way for me to get that true love feeling back. I have had plenty of options to be in a serious relationship with other people, and I have hooked up with or been “a thing” with plenty of people, some of which are objectively more attractive than him, but I have never loved a person the way I love him.
I have never genuinely been fascinated by the way someone else’s brain works and I’ve never met anyone who is as intellectual and just authentically themselves. Without going on and on, he just has so many qualities that I don’t know if I’ll be able to find someone else.
I understand the simple answer is to just stop seeing him and things will eventually get better. But it’s like he’s around every corner every time we are in our hometown for holidays, etc. we have so many mutual friends from high school and college who are still our friends to this day and it’s inevitable that we will both be around the same people. I know it’s sad, but I would rather keep in touch with him occasionally and carry a sadness about it rather than just never see him and maybe save myself some trouble. I would just rather be able to talk to him than not. I genuinely love talking to him. how do I shake this feeling when I am thoroughly convinced that at the end of the day, this person was probably the person I will have the strongest feelings for, even if they don’t feel the same way towards me. I know he doesn’t think of me the same way I think of him. it’s honestly embarrassing but I am just so sad about it and have been carrying this weight for so long.
How have you gotten over someone who truly feels like the love of your life (even if you’re not the love of their life)? Is this just a first love thing? If you’ve had a similar experience, how did you find the strength and commitment to give other people a chance? Deep down inside, I know the reason I’ve never really given love a chance with anyone else is because I feel like as long as I have this emotional baggage from him, I can never be 100% invested in someone else. It just isn’t fair to someone else for me to feel this way about him, and pretend I am ready to give love a shot elsewhere. Hence my relentless commitment issues.
I feel like I know the right thing to do, but it just makes me so sad to think about never talking to him again. he has been straightforward with telling me that he doesn’t think we would succeed in trying again, and I respect him for saying that. He has never led me on and this is honestly self-inflicted at this point. But I just genuinely want to know if anyone has truly succeeded in moving on from what feels like the person you will always love the most, no matter how much time goes by.
If you are patient enough to have made it through this entire post, I commend you and thank you. Please be nice and don’t tell me to just get over it. believe me, I’ve tried. Thanks for any similar experiences or advice you can share

Hey guys so I was wondering if any of you have had any experience on being pregnant and on meds. I'm taking lamictal 200mg, Olanzapine 2.5mg and fluoxetine 20mg. My doctors tell me I should be fine and that my bipolar symptoms would get worse if I stop taking them. I have read a lot but there seems to be very little info regarding on how it would affect my baby long term. Thank you for your time.

I'm a homebound person in the US who isn't currently receiving their mail. The mailboxes in my HOA are the type that are the communal metal box, one per street. I haven't used it in about 5 years due to health reasons. I'm agoraphobic and suffer from some mobility issues as well that complicate absolutely everything. Because I can't get to the communal mailbox I now have a simple, individual box purchased at Home Depot that is attached to my house, right by my front door. This was achieved through a friend who coordinated with the postal service and a medical doctor who submitted forms and documentation acknowledging that I'm permitted this service.
I was living by myself for years but now my adult children and grandchild have moved back home. I was unsure how to handle the mail system with regards to my adult children who are physically able to walk the 100 yards to the box, but nothing is different for them. They are permitted to receive mail in the box at the house as well. I assume it's an "all or nothing situation".
For a while whomever got the mail would leave mine either inside on a table or outside my bedroom door, at worst it remained in the box until I retrieved it. All that has changed now. At someone's suggestion I started to get the mail notifications through email. With that email feature I'm now able to see when I get specific pieces of mail: credit cards, vote by mail ballots, personal mail - basically anything I can't get emailed to me. This wonderful service helps a lot in planning my long trips down the stairs to reach the mailbox.
In December I got the notification that 2 Christmas looking type cards that were hand addressed were due to me but neither made it into my hands. I completed the action online to report mail not received but nothing ever happened and I never saw the cards.
Several weeks ago another hand addressed card was due to arrive but I never received it and I said so to my family. The brief exchange over my missing mail led me to only one conclusion: my mail is intentionally being kept from me by the people in my own home, specifically my son. Yesterday I got a text from my son basically extorting me. He's holding my mail as a form of punishment for something he erroneously thinks I've done to him. I don't give af what your problem is, as a grown up (he's 26) you don't forbid someone access to their mail in their home because your feelings are hurt. He's becoming a huge problem.
Because I'm homebound I rely on all forms of home delivery, I couldn't survive without it. I use ballot trax to get notifications about when my ballots are mailed so I know to look for them. I received that email, then the accompanying USPS email with a pic of the ballot with my name on it. I made the journey from my room to the mailbox but it's empty. It's always empty, now I don't even see mailers or junk mail.
I'm sorry to lay my dirty laundry out for reddit to see, it's not what I want as a deeply private person. I no longer care about ruffling feathers or hurting feelings, this behavior is immature, disrespectful, appalling. Because they're blocking my access to mail it's starting to feel borderline illegal. Am I reading that correctly? What can I do? I don't want to involve authorities but I will if it's necessary. Maybe I should get a mailbox that locks, that way only I can unlock it?
I thought of trying to talk to the mail carriers, but I don't personally know them and there are several different ones going off the brief clips I see through my Ring doorbell camera. Who can I contact to help me? Is there an easy, practical way to handle this?

Im 15 and generally calm and collected, I maintain my grades and such mostly because I want to. My mother is bipolar and has ADHD, with these in my opinion comes pretty severe narcissistic personality traits. I have an extremely poor recollection of my childhood except for a few minor moments that I deem traumatic to an extent. My earliest memories are of my mother screaming at me, she was particularly bad with her bipolar in the morning (she called them devil mornings or something like that). these occur from as early as I can remember to about twelve, she would wake up angry and would start fights over anything at all. She was extremely aggressive and verbally abusive, however she would apologize to me later on in the day (I did have to immediately accept such apology or the fight would go nuclear). Despite this being young and naive I still tried to argue with her and change her ways. This stopped when I was twelve mostly because my brother the favorite was old enough to understand what was going on. For a little context he has always been prioritized with me being forced to give him my things whenever he wished. What also stopped was me arguing with her, I still remember the day pretty well she had accused me (a twelve year old) of stealing her prescriptions because I was sleeping in too late. That day I decided that she wasn’t deserving of treatment befitting an adult so I simply nodded along during arguments like she was a Toddler. This did not go over well with her at first with her literally cornering me and screaming in my face “you should be afraid of me”, she only let me go to my room after I begged her and started crying I can still remember her creepy smile as she looked down on me. After a few months of such (and the only night mares I ever experienced) she calmed down and my silent nodding became standard. However what is over two years of this has started to tear my mind to pieces. Recently I genuinely argued with her after I told her I didn’t want to speak about my father and she went off on me and a couple months ago I told her to speak like a person ( one of two times my step father agreed with me the other being when she got angry because I looked at her funny). I don’t know what to do I need this act without it I can’t maintain myself. I’m this close to genuinely hurting her and the worst part is I know I won’t care. When I get truly angry I sort of remove myself in that moment everything becomes dull and it lingers in that moment I know I’m capable of anything and I’m scared.

hi guys so i (17f) have been talking to this boy (17) for nearly 4 months and it’s been great, we get along really well and he understands me really well. we’ve been out on a couple dates and we kissed for the first time last week. i’m very very socially awkward and get really intimidated and scared by sexual stuff (im literally borderline asexual im 80% sure) and he knows this and understands that we’ll take things slow.
today we kissed for the second time and it was nice, and he was being a lot more touchy this time. later on when i got home we were talking normally and then he said ‘i know that we’ve been talking about me being more forward so im gonna honour this and ask for a picture of what i was grabbing today’ i then asked him to explain what he said and he went ‘ur ass’. he normally isn’t like this so i got really like shaken up and lowkey kinda disappointed. he also didn’t grab my ass at all so i don’t know what he even meant by that. i replied in like a jokey way saying ‘i forgot ur just a man 😔😔’ and he replied ‘woah woah’ to which i then just sent a snap of a disappointed look lmao.
but guys idk what to think about this, im not a very sexual person at all and i have very high levels of anxiety too ✨✨✨. but it actually really scared me and i just want a bit of like reassurance i guess.