During late 2023, in my province (QC) there was a big teacher’s strike that lasted 5 weeks (Nov 23rd ->Dec 28th). Before the strike, I gradually became closer and closer with a girl and in early October, we started dating.
I really loved that girl, we spent hours cuddling and everything and it was great. Sadly during the strike I was working days and she worked evenings, our bosses refused to change our schedule, so our only time to see each other was… never. I was sleeping until an hour before my shift, she was going to bed after her’s. We tried to get our schedule to match, it was just not possible. Seeing each other was hard, considering the distance and our lack of mode of transportation (I once lifted her back home on an electric scooter, a large one, but an electric scooter nonetheless. We were going a whopping 20 kmh and it still took us half an hour. Do you know how cringe it is thinking back??).
I was excited for the winter vacation because I had time off for two weeks and could finally see her, and her dad (amazing man, loved him) entered the room while we were together and surprised her with a ticket to Japan as a Christmas gift. I was happy for her, I knew she loved Japan, but sad for myself because I wouldn’t be able to see her for the time being.
On December 28th, after I decided to go spend the week at my cousin’s house and spend some time with him, I received a break-up text. She told me that she had lost feelings for me because of the time we had spent apart. I took it okay, was sad but told her thanks and went on my way.
Today, I learned she has a new boyfriend. I guess I’m sad. I guess I havent moved on?
I had a close call with another girl recently, we met at a tournament where we both played (impov acting) and it was a weekend-long tournament where we slept over there. We talked and kissed on the school’s rooftop, she gave me her socials and lo and behold, she’s 12. She didn’t look 12, she actually looked older than me (i’m 15) but I told her that it wouldnt work between us and went on my way.
That was off subject, I just wanted to talk about it I guess. Thats not really something I can say out-loud. I’d be looked weird, guess it’s my fault for not checking beforehand.
Anyways, I regret not being available for my now ex-girlfriend. If I was maybe we’d have dated for longer. We’d have cuddled, kissed, and maybe just maybe had one or two sleepovers, I dont mean sex (I have previous experiences but I regret all of them, so now I wanna wait until i’m ready so I don’t regret it in the future) I genuinely just mean sleep together, cuddled as we drifted asleep. It’s all just maybes.
Thank you for reading dear stranger, sorry for wasting your time. I’m not really looking for advice, just wanted to get it off my chest. Have a good one!

I'm going to be very explicit and I apologise
But there's this girl that I met through my other friend late last year and I thought we were friends or really well acquainted and then at a party this year she went up to my boyfriend and asked where I was and why I didn't grace them with my presence then she proceeded to say " know your girlfriend knows how to suck dick but I can suck better" so l haven't seen her the entire year this year and now I'm at school right now and she is across me and omw I'm getting so annoyed and I'm annoyed at the fact that I'm letting someone get to me this bad and yes I don't know if I should greet, confront her or totally ignore her.

Dianne Young is a guest host. Elisa Donovan (Ginger) is also one.

• Doing 32 episodes a year for 4 years was challenging.
• She was working 12 hour days.
• Her assistant Kelly McDonald had a young child. She had to pick up the child after work. Sometimes she didn’t make it to her child in time.
• Jessica Klein also helped out, early in the season.
• Young felt the effects of Rosin’s departure after season 5, even if he wasn’t involved in casting.
• Rosin had always given her his attention.
• Jenny Garth’s boyfriend Peter Facinelli auditioned for Colin Robbins.
• It had already been tough last year, when they cast Tiffani Amber Thiessen, and she had been Brian Austin Green’s girlfriend. That blew up in their face.
• They thought it would have been awkward if Garth had broken up with her boyfriend, especially since the character of Colin was there for the whole year.
• They did also like Jason Wiles, who they did cast as Colin.
• Season 6 opens with the Mile High Club. There were no intimacy coordinators then. Now, everything is negotiated, such as left or right, how much tongue, etc.
• Bob Harbin and Wendy Matthews from FOX were also involved in casting.
• The testiest conversation Young ever had with Harbin was over the casting of Colin. Young recommended Wiles. Harbin said “Are you telling me or are you asking me?”
• Elisa Donovan (Ginger) was much easier to cast.

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Elisa Donovan Interview:
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• Donovan says casting directors are the gatekeepers. If they don’t like you, it’s over.
• Donvan says Young smiled and looked her in the eye.
• Donovan had read for Valerie Malone. She was a finalist.
• Donovan had been in Clueless.
• Donovan went into network testing for Valerie in Aaron Spelling’s office.
• Mollin says Heidi Lenhart from California Dreams also auditioned for Valerie.
• Young and Mollin didn’t know whether they were going to cast Thiessen. It hadn’t been predetermined.
• Mollin had thought it was cool that Green and Tiffani Amber Thiessen were a couple.
• FOX gives an opinion, Darren Starr gives an opinion, etc.
• Donovan says her audition for Ginger was very different than the one for Valerie. The setting was different. Donovan felt like she had the part, when she auditioned for Ginger.
• Mollin says it’s not a good idea during auditions to ask to change the script. Some people do that.
• Mollin says it’s a trick that when you have a bad girl (Valerie), you want to create someone worse than her (Ginger).
• Donovan says they shot at the Hollywood Bowl.
• Donovan says Ginger was very unapologetic.

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• Keri Russell tried out Toni Marchette. Aaron Spelling said “no daughter of a rich man would have hair like that”.
• In reality, Spelling was saving Russell for Malibu Shores.
• Rebecca Gayheart did not audition. They knew her from a Noxema commercial.
• They wanted to send Luke Perry out in the best possible way.
• They wanted to please Perry.
• Gayheart did not have much acting experience.
• Young says Gayheart did read for it. In New York. And she came back with Young to Los Angeles.
• FOX also liked Gayheart.
• Russell did not have to audition, because everyone knew about her at that point. She was the hot girl at that time, because her agent had been promoting her.
• Young: Stanley Kamel (Tony Marchette) was perfect.
• Larry Mollin: Aaron Spelling said Kamel’s eyes looked too far apart. It gave him an evil look.
• Cliff Weissman (Bruno) was another good actor.
• Emma Caulfield (Susan) has multiple sclerosis now.
• Young had brought in Caulfield in for various roles, over the years.
• Young kept bringing her back, because she believed in her. Caulfield was not a cookie cutter actor.
• Young would say, at the end of the process, I would bring you back, but please let me know if you don’t want to come in anymore. Because that’s your choice.
• Young brought Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in several times. Afflek stopped after a few times, but Damon would keep coming back. Damon came at least 6 times.
• Damon said to keep bringing him back.
• Mollin does not remember Affleck, nor Damon.
• Mollin thinks Affleck probably didn’t get cast because he was too tall. The male cast did not like taller guest stars.
• Cameron Bancroft (Joe Bradley) was a friend of Jason Priestley’s.
• Shane Conrad also read for Joe.
• Paul Waigner watched the OJ Simpson trial every day during lunch.
• Young and Waigner had worked together before at Warner Brothers.
• If Young trusted a particular agent, she would ask if the actors were easy to work with.
• Waigner once called Young to tell him that an actress wasn’t coming in to work today. Young heard the reason why. She told him that was the craziest reason to not come in, that she had ever heard.
• Shane Conrad was likable. He tried out several times.
• Tori Spelling as involved in the casting for Joe.
• Both Conrad and Bancroft read with Tori Spelling. They went through makeup, etc.
• Young won’t say which actor, but something about either Conrad or Bancroft bothered Tori Spelling during the audition. Young then encouraged Tori Spelling to make a few changes in her reading. Tori Spelling did, and it worked.
• Mollin says sometimes there’s a kissing problem.
• Young hints that it might have been a hugging or body odor problem.
• Bancroft felt like he was breaking up with Tori Spelling herself, at the end of his story arc.
• Young was there for the Julie McCullough debacle on Growing Pains. Young was disappointed because she loved McCullough.
• Kirk Cameron did not like that McCullough was in Playboy.
• The incident on Growing Pains also devastated McCullough.

​

• Young had really liked Travis Wester (Austin Sanders).
• Young thought Paige Moss (Tara) was so interesting. As soon as she saw her headshot, she wanted to see Moss.
• Barry Bonds was Tony Shepherd’s friend.
• Dianne Young was involved with getting Steve Young. He was one of the nicest people.
• The NFL came to FOX the year before.
• Steve Young’s agent was Leigh Steinberg. He also appeared on the show. Donna Martin threw herself in front of his car, so she could talk to Steve Young.
• Carl T Evans (Jonathan Casten) was a great foil for Brandon. Jason Priestley might have actually disliked him too.
• Young had read Evans multiple times.
• Nick Kiriazis (Prince Carl) was good looking and nice. The cast loved him. They wanted him to be a series regular.
• Mollin might have brought him back in season 8. He was going to send Clare to Europe and have her get back together with him. But then Kathleen Robertson left the show.
• Michael Dietz (Dr. Greg) said his dream was to be on the show.
• Sometimes, superfans of the show would get very nervous when reading for the show.
• Gordon Curie was brought back. He had played Cousin Bobby. He then played Danny V. The character was supposed to be Danny V (Vee). But because of some confusion, it ended up being “Danny 5”. Danny V(ee) was named after a friend of Larry Mollin’s who had overdosed.
• Young had seen Gordon Curie somewhere before. He was a joy, professional, friendly.
• The Spelling company chose Jason Wiles over Peter Facinelli.
• Young does not recall any repercussions from Jennie Garth for not casting Facinelli.
• Young says Wiles and Facinelli were different actors. She thought Wiles added something else to it, which gave it more depth.
• Mollin says Wiles was more believable as an artist.
• Mollin did not know about the cocaine storyline when Wiles was cast.
• Julie Parish (Joan) was a friend of Larry Mollin’s.
• Dianne Young loved her.
• When Mollin left the show, this show did not help his career. This was not considered a good credit. It was a bad credit.
• Young doesn’t talk to her neighbors now about how she worked on the show. She wants to be low key, and doesn’t want to brag.
• Young got Letterman jackets in season 2, for unintentionally mentioning she worked on the show. People wanted her to take pictures of them with the Letterman jacket on.

I just want to voice this out and maybe ask for your opinion or advice, because I'm currently lost, confused, and in pain.
I am someone who loves words of affirmation, yet my boyfriend said that he hates words of affirmation because you can easily fake it, he just hate hates it. During our arguments, he tends to say some hurtful things, especially whenever he is overwhelmed with his negative emotions and just outright lashes out on me. He would call me "dumb", "foolish", "stupid", "annoying". He would also go and act very cold or text something like "you think i'm cold? then fine. I'll show you a cold attitude." I tried confronting him about it before and he apologized and said that he was just blinded by his emotions. I forgave him and understand him, but the damage was too painful, especially when it is the total opposite of my love language.
And just a week ago, we had an argument again because of a misunderstanding in his side, yet he refuse to admit that it was his fault. When I tried to voice it out calmly, he lashed out on me saying stuffs that i'm "dumb", and other words that I wish to not remember. I didn't know what to feel, I couldn't be heard at all and he just won't stop. He kept on acting like that, saying such hurtful words eveeytime we argue that my mental health declines even further because of him and our arguments. Then if we meet up in-person, or a sudden switch of a topic, he would act okay and sweet again, its as if the rollercoaster of emotions I felt were just there to scare me.
Few days after that, I tried talking to him about the argument we had and said that I was very disappointed at his attitude that him, he got pissed, he got mad again, he lashed out abd said some words. I didn't message him to argue, all I wanted was just reassurance, but instead all that was in my mind were nothing but regrets that I shouldn't have brought it up instead.
I remember one thing he said that shattered my heart that time, but didn't have the energy to reply to it and just continue talking something else: "talking to you is annoying. Your existence is annoying."
Right now, the atmosphere in chatting together has been tense, it's just all dry that I didn't even bother spensing some energy to act all jolly to brighten up the mood. I'm too damaged, but at the same time, do I even deserve to feel damaged? He said that he was depressed because I confronted him a few months ago that he hurted my feelings so much like this, but a bit worse, along with academics, and family stuffs. But i'm also suffering with my own mentality, that this relationship arguments, academics, and even my personal problems would take a toll on me aswell.
If i address about what he said regarding me as annoying, when all I wanted was just reassurance or a simple closure over that argument, he would just say that he didn't mean to say it and that he was just blinded with his emotions. That's what he always say whenever he said such hurtful things to me. And to be honest, my love is hanging in dear thread. I love him so much, so I cannot break up with him, yet loving him hurts so much.
I know arguments can be hard to avoid in relationships, but the way how he deal with arguments just hurts me.
tl;dr: Boyfriend been mean with his words whenever we argue, and would say that he was just blinded by his emotions and that he didn't mean to say those words to me

Three days ago, a post was made on NoStupidQuestions was made that reads: How Do I Block A Site (SFW?) From The Home WiFi?
OP details how their boyfriend's adult daughter has "been asked to apply for jobs as a condition of living at home rent-free but often doesn’t because she’s too lost in [Archive of Our Own] and cannot stop."
For those not in the know, Archive of Our Own (abbreviated to AO3) is the de facto site for posting and reading fanfiction in the English-speaking world. It has its own dedicated subreddit and a very large community.
OP says she wants to block the site from their wifi so her stepdaughter will stop using it and get a job. Commenters see a glaringly obvious flaw in her plan:

Blocking the site is not the solution. If she's struggling with her mental health, she's likely using AO3 as a coping and escape mechanism.
Maybe the issue is she's depressed because no jobs are actually hiring and job availability in your area is as poor as the rest of this country. She's clearly looking for an outlet for stress relief. You wouldn't ban your kid from going to a library—why are you banning free reading content from them?
You know there are ways for her to still read her fanfiction regardless of whether you block the site on the home wifi or not, right? I can think of several ways just off the top of my head and they aren't even too crafty. This is a slightly longer way of telling you that what you're doing is stupid.
Yes, treating your stepdaughter like a child will totally make things better in the long run! Have you considered asking her *why* she's so resistant to getting a job?
AO3 isn’t the problem. Are you trying to prompt a suicide, here?
Don't do that.

Then, a user of AO3 sees this and proceeds to crosspost it to the sub. Obviously users are not happy.:

Child: Shows obvious symthoms of depression Parent: Taking away her one outlet should improve things!
How to ruin your relationship with your daughter 101.
am i going crazy

They also take the time to point out that blocking AO3 is extremely easy to bypass:

Nobody tell her that warp vpn is free and takes 2 seconds to set up lol
Oh, good. I can't wait until they take away her laptop and phone when they figure out she can download the fics while outside the house.

Although, a few seem sympathetic to OP:

Yikes 7-8 hours a day on AO3 forgoing food and showers etc ??
Personally, I sort of understand her reasoning. So many people in this post's comments are thinking she's trying to completely take away the daughter's access to AO3, when really that's not the case. They're fine with her being on AO3, just not all the time, 7-8 hours near daily is too excessive.
Honestly, even just browsing some of OOP’s comments I don’t think she’s “choosing violence”. She’s very open to suggestions that her stepdaughter has mental health problems and/or neurodivergence, even acknowledges the likelihood, but as Stepdaughter is a legal adult she can’t make her go get a diagnosis or even attend therapy.

Overall, whether you believe OP is genuinely just concerned for their stepdaughters health or are some overbearing control freak, it seems everyone can agree that blocking the site is a bad idea.

Married CD here, with a mainly supportive wife about CD. I told her after 11 years of marriage. It was hard for me to tell her that I wanted to try it. She is supportive but there is a limit to this. She wants me to keep my man side dominant and no transition. Also, she would be uncomfortable with me walking around the house everyday dressed as a woman and wearing heels. If it is occasional, she is on with this. The good thing is, I have the same view today.
I am just curious to know what are the things that are turning you off about your husband or boyfriend crossdressing or if there is a point where you would say NO, not more than this.
If you are a husband or boyfriend of a woman crossdresser, the question is also valid of course.

Me (30F) and my friends Holly (28F) and Jack (31M) went to a little dive bar that I’m a regular at. I will admit we got shitfaced, and Holly tends to get particularly loud when she’s drunk.
I don’t remember much but Jack only had a few drinks and he said the bartender (33F) kept saying I was her fav regular and I briefly remember her asking me if Holly and I were a thing. We are not, so I said no and that was the end of it.
I saw the bartender a few days later and I mentioned that I was very drunk and I need to start drinking waters in between drinks. She said to come back next weekend, “but don’t bring your friend, Holly.” I said “Oh? You didn’t like her? She loved you” and she mentioned that she’s glad her facade worked. She said “you come back next week though” and gave me a kissy face as she walked away.
Holly can be loud and obnoxious, I’ll give her that. I am a lesbian and the bartender and I have made plans to hang out outside of the bar (platonically) but never followed through with it so I don’t think she was jealous or is into me at all. She also has a boyfriend.
I’m not familiar with how the service industry works but I thought it was a little rude to just flat out tell a customer you don’t like their friend and to not bring them back.
So, my question is: How do I handle this in most civil way possible? I usually go to this bar at least once a week. Although Holly’s behavior could be seen as obnoxious (she’s very loud, somewhat combative/flirty to men but is maybe 100lbs and talks in a heavy New Jersey accent when she gets drunk, she is from the area) but she’s just an acquired taste.. I don’t want the bartender - or anyone - to feel comfortable talking bad about my friends in front of me.
In reality, Holly is probably going to want to go back since she loved the bartender so much. I definitely do not want to say “Hey btw the bartender didn’t like you and told me to never bring you back.” Idk what to do, any advice would be helpful 👍🏼
TLDR: Bartender told me to never bring my loud, drunk friend back to the bar that I’m a regular at and idk what to do.

I (21F) knew adulting would be hard cause I basically witnessed the struggle in real time happen to my mom. I was no stranger to the bills, bills, bills, food and more bills. But I was truly tested after I moved out. I moved out with my boyfriend across the country (was in Texas now I'm in Washington) for a job opportunity. We were making 21/hr doing housekeeping and they provided housing so easy money. Our goal was to work for as long as we need and save since we didn't have to worry about anything but food. However four months in they're cutting hours and another month goes by and every employee is laid off. There goes our get rich quick scheme so we're forced to move to Seattle. Had plenty of starting out money but unemployed plus 4 times the bills don't equal success. After a month my boyfriend finds a job and we're basically okay. Until our truck broke down and we were told it would cost a lot to fix so we don't, we get a rental, which tho we were out of options is just such an expensive option, til we find a cheap car. We try to finance but he has bad credit and a job but I have average credit and no job which means a high down payment but we can no longer afford a large down payment. Meanwhile I get ungodly sick. I'm vomiting constantly, can't keep food down, migraines and just generally weakness but at the same time I land a job. But I can't work I couldn't even stand without getting nauseated so despite only working 3 days they let me go cause I had to keep calling out due to nearly passing out trying to drive there. As I struggle with my health we turn to Facebook for some cheap used cars. And out of stupid desperation we buy a car from someone for 800 that "only" needs the spark plugs replaced. We get a cheap mechanic to do it and we start the car, he listens and he says your transmission is having issues. In the end the transmission was toast and it wasn't safe to drive. So we ask him to look at our truck and he tells us oh it's an easy fix even we could do it. Contemplating it, we send a desperate text to my boyfriend's mom who's well off and she offers her truck we just need to fly back to Texas and drive it to Washington. We're crying cause it's just been 4 weeks of unemployment, car issues, health issues, mental issues and money issues. So I say I'll do it. He stays and works and I'll take the cross country drive. We finalize the plan and we're like how is he gonna get to work. We decide to try and fix our current truck just enough to last until I come back and the mechanic wasnt lying we were able fix it. And now this story isnt finished cause I fly down in 3 days so I haven't done the drive but I wanted to complain about life and get some luck.

Tl;Dr my 80 yr old moms birthday party is happening. She has been so difficult I said forget it no party. Her response was to say I'm being magnanimous and I've given in to let you have a party for me and I've chosen when and where and all the details. I said I wanted no part. Now she wants my sister and I to pay for it after she went ahead and planned her own party. AITAH for refusing to pay?
Let me start by saying that although my mother will be reaching this very golden year & milestone (which, I appreciate), she is a larger than life pain in the you know what and narcissistic and manipulative and always has been. My father, God rest his soul, really spoiled her and allowed her to become the monster that she has become.
Some friends of my mother had asked last year if my siblings and I were going to throw my mom an 80th birthday party. My mom is well known, popular, a social butterfly, a fundraiser. She is revered.
Mind you, when this all began I genuinely wanted to throw her a party… and told her as much. I fully intended to be responsible financially ((for at least a third or more)) with my brother and my sister and myself for this party. I am a civil servant making modest wages. The other two siblings make 2.5x what I make basically.
We were supposed to have her party at the country club and her wealthy BF (87) was hosting…he is like her in that he, is bougie and really really wanted to have this event at the country Club saying how he never gets to take advantage of his perks etc etc. He said he was paying. We have gleaned that he has quite a bit more resources than she and therefore all of us do financially. I gather that this makes her feel inadequate, embarrassed, and that she doesn't wish to put upon him because she worries that he will reject her or she will look less wealthy.
Ultimately she was so fickle, arrogant, difficult in the planning and so indecisive and non-committal that my sister and I threw our hands up and said I can't be part of this forget we even asked. We were extremely firm in this.
In typical narcissistic prima Donna fashion, she then decided she wanted to have a party and l tried to say “ I'll let you throw me a party I've realized you really want to do this for me and I will let you do it.”
So she's been trying to manipulate us and railroad us by basically, she went and reserved a restaurant where she planned the whole thing.
Mind you, her boyfriend is the one who put the deposit down and secured the reservation. Mind you, this will probably end up costing him more because he has the benefits of the country club and also - - he would have rather had it there he wanted to have it there.
She insisted on having her own party where she wanted to have it she chose somewhere else and this was all with her intention of trying to get us to pay for it, and not her BF.
Mind you, she has considerable means greater than my sister and myself. Our father was successful and left her quite a bit of money when he passed that she seems to squander however she wants in haphazard and juvenile ways. She's awful with money.
So I texted this to her, tonight, after she asked if we were paying for her party. “We are not throwing you a party. You are throwing you a party. You and BF. I haven't said much because I didn't want to be unkind. But I decided long ago I was not going to be involved in planning your party because you made it extremely complicated I have tried to be helpful just to not be cruel.
But now Sissy tells me you have asked if we are paying. I want to understand why this is being put on us at this point in time. We made it clear we did not want to throw you a party any more. BF persisted and then you both put money down at the independent restaurant. You see my confusion?
We had a plan, you went and did what you wanted.”
She is trying to manipulate me and that pisses me off. Plus I can't afford this. Not when she didn't let us be a part of the planning so that we had some sort of financial say in the whole thing absolutely not no way zero I am not going to be on the hook for this if this is what it involves we will just cancel it tomorrow. End of story

I’ve told this story before I think and my spouse has heard it a thousand times but I will never be over this.
So here’s the story I knew up until I was 23. My parents got divorced.I had asked my mom and dad why they got divorced and my dad always said “we were just different people.” While my mother would just start talking shit about my dad. I was like 9 or 10 and the weekend my dad moved out of the house, my nmom and my grandma took me on a trip to a family reunion (we don’t have time to get into the irony of this). We were at the hotel and I’m swimming in the pool. My mom starts talking to this guy on the pool deck. Now, my Nmom is always making friends/talking to random strangers so I thought nothing of it. My mom jumps in the pool with me and this new guy we’ll call C follows her in. Now this part of gonna sound weird, but I truely with my whole heart believe this man had the kindest of intentions. He was awesome! He taught me how to make big waves with my hands and squirt water by squeezing my hands a certain way. He was throwing dive sticks he brought with him, seriously a cool guy. My Nmom was there the whole time and considering the circumstances, I was having a great weekend.
Next day we show up to the family reunion and who is there but C! I’m like “oh! He’s a cousin. That’s why my mom was friendly with him! Makes perfect sense.” And I thought nothing of this.
That is until I was 23. I was texting my friend (who’s mom is my mothers former best friend daughter) about just how awful my mother is and she responds “I can’t believe your dad married that cheater.” This caught me off guard completely. I asked her what do you mean my mom cheated. She apologized profusely and then said she thought I knew. She knew my mom cheated because her mom helped my mom cheat. Mind you I was at work when this happened and I was losing my mind. What do you mean my mom cheated on my dad?!
An hour later my friends mom texts me and asks what I wanted to know and I said everything. She told me the real story of why my mom and dad got divorced. My mom had cheated on my dad with several men. Turns out my mom was using these men’s credit cards to buy whatever she wanted. My dad found out and apparently the whole thing went down at my friends house where my mom was caught with her new boyfriend.
My friends mom apologized and said she believed my mothers lies about how terrible of a person my dad was so she helped her cheat. That honestly I didn’t care about. My mom did the shitty thing not her and my mom is a professional gaslighter and manipulator.
The part that got me was when I asked for the guys name. She told me she only remembers the first name and it was C. Now I hadn’t thought of C’s name in a long time but I instantly knew who she was talking about.
My mother made me meet the man she was cheating on my dad with the weekend my dad got kicked out of the house due to my mothers cheating.
My mother fucking made me meet him.
I MET HIM.
I had a good time. I would think about that day occasionally about how a random strangelong lost family member cheered me up on a shitty weekend.
BUT THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
My mother had me meet the man she was banging for his credit card so she could buy nice things.
When I tell you everything in my life clicked with just the name dropped. My mother has always complained about being poor but has always had multiple credit cards and was always on vacation. My mom ate out every single day and never bought groceries. My mom would leave at like 2am all the time when she thought I was asleep. My mom was constantly texting people on her phone almost litterally 24/7.
I know to y’all this might seem obvious, but to me this was just normalized. And she had convinced me she was never going to date again after my dad.
My dad is a fucking Saint as far as I’m concerned. My dad had every right to talk shit about my mom but never did. He deserves an award. He lost a house, car, and some (not all) custody of his kids. Fuck my shitty sister didn’t even want to go over to his house at all and didn’t when she turned 14 because my mother had infected her with all of her lies. My dad never said shit. And fuck if he had every right too. My dad still talks good about my mom because he’s a good fucking person.
Meanwhile the cheating Hoebag of an egg doner was out spreading so many lies about my dad. Saying he was a bad dad and never there and always at the bar drinking. All because she cheated and couldn’t have people knowing. Im NC with my mom now but at the time that I learned this, she had financial power over me so I could never bring it up and I had to pretend I didn’t know. Im still mad about the fact that she had me meet C of all things and never told me who he was.
If you got this far, thank you for reading. I needed to rant because while I’ve had other traumatic events in my life, somehow this is the one I always fall back to when I’m in my bad depression/anxious days. This is the story that reminds me to stay NC. I hated my mom before for being an ass to me but learning what she did to my dad takes the cake.
In case you’re wondering, C had sense knocked into him and broke up with my mom shortly after I met him. My mom fell into a depression and begged my dad to come back but he said no. I’m proud of him.

I’m a landlord who rents out one room in my home so I also resided in the home. We have a tenant who will no longer be living here as of today since their contract ended today. I come downstairs because they said they left the key. So I come down and I get and then I go to the kitchen to get a snack where I see oil on the floor and French fry and I ask if she can clean up after herself? She ends up screaming because she feels like I’m nitpicking and I was disrespectful for picking up the key. We also had a few other disagreements but my biggest thing is the way she was speaking to me which was at the top of her lungs. Now maybe I should’ve walked away, but I felt really disrespected being spoken to the way she was speaking to me. She brought up how I would take things out of the living solely after she used it and bring it to my room, mind you those things were mine. Albeit maybe I shouldn’t have left it in the living room since that is a shared space. I’m trying to have a conversation with her and her 3 year old daughter is present throughout all of this. So I’m telling her watch how she speaks to me in my home. She doesn’t relax and says “what are you going to do about it?” At this point still screaming, now I would never hit a mother who’s a single parent taking care of her kid especially in that very moment. So I said no but you need to relax and calm down, persists to scream. So I say I’m going to call the cops because I’m not dealing with this. Technically I could remove her from my property since it’s the 23rd but it’s the middle of the night so where would they go you know? I call the cops and I tell them what’s going on and I asked for advice, what can I do? They tell me I can file for harassment, and they would have to come and remove her. And I asked them what would happen to her kid though if you were to do that? They said ultimately she would have to go with CPS. And I said ok if anything happens I’ll give you guys a call back. (Mind you she’s recording this whole interaction. And I’m like ok but I don’t give you consent to use that anywhere.) My boyfriend was present for all these and tried getting her to middle ground as well. I hang up with the cops and I call my mom to see what I should do. Now at this point she starts to get calm but we end the conversation and she’s still being very hostile. I ask my boyfriend “hey babe have you seen my charger?” He says, “No”. So I say in return, “Never mind I found it.” To which she starts screaming again saying, “WHAT? ARE YOU TRYNNA SAY I STOLE YOUR SHIT?” To which my boyfriend starts yelling back at her now and says, “NO SHE WAS TALKING TO ME STOP TALKING NOW BRO STOP.” And she says “ok.” Basically she feels I was evil for calling the cops to begin with and even considering having her child taken away. My intention was not to do that which is why I asked what would happen to the kid. What could I have done better in the situation?

We've been together for half a year now and we work. She has friends who are still studying in the city in which she graduated.
First when I heard she's taking a flight for 3-4 nights to stay over her friends home, I was fine but then she bought up again and again every month. Other than that she also went on one international trip with her friend.
I am going to move cities in 3 months so I will be away from her for a while because I need to complete my studies so we will be in a long distance and want to spend all my time with her while I'm with her right now. I also have friends in other cities but I don't go over.
Her friends also have boyfriends but they are in a long distance.
When I tell her that I am uncomfortable, she says that I don't want her to meet her friends and what would she say to her friends that "my boyfriend doesn't want me to meet you". That's not true, I want her to meet her friends. I have even asked her to call her friends over to our city but they have only came once and I didn't even met them.
I understand that she graduated from that city and has friends over there and her old life, but I think she can't seem to understand what she currently has. She tells me that she's trying to give most of her time to me and then leave for a few nights to be with her friends. She says that she can't just say no to her friends or cut off them because of me. I don't want anything like that to happen, I don't even understand that how you will be cutting people off if you don't see them ?
She's also going on another international trip in a group with 2 of her close friends who are in a long distance. Now I hesitated first, but then she said they will all leave the city and go back to their countries and that she won't have this chance again ? Then she's also going to their city again for their graduation and again later in the month after that.
Meanwhile I haven't gone anywhere and I try to give most of my time to her while I'm in this city. I understand she has connections and she likes to be social. I expect at one point to say to her friends that "sorry I can't come over because I got plans with my bf" ? Instead of "my bf doesn't wants me to" . I am the one who's always gotta be alone during the time we could be together, am I selfish in this case ? Meeting your friends and staying over their place are different things.
Because of all this I am also trying to change to accept her lifestyle so I can be fine but it's really hard.
I would appreciate your advice.
**TL;DR: GF goes over monthly to her friends place who lives in a different city, I am staying with her for a limited time, then I'm gonna be away. I'm spending most of my time with her but she's also wants to spend time with her friends but I get sad because we could have been together in that time.

Hello parents, I'm feeling very lost, my daughter have been telling a lot of lies, getting late to school and this Wednesday she said she needed a mental health day off, just for a bit of context, she has ADHD recently diagnosed, we have been in therapy not as much as I wanted, unfortunately mental health is very expensive but I have tried to get help, so I'm aware of her struggles but I'm having a hard time drawing the line between mental health and bad teenage behaviour, we have a good relationship and talk a lot, I used to trust her but recently is all lies, smoking weed and getting drunk. Anyway back to Wednesday, I allowed her to stay home and gave her chores to do during the day but I wasn't feeling well and finished work earlier than expected, when I got home her boyfriend was there mind you I told her I didn't want anybody in my house and of course no chores done, this was at around 1:30pm, I noticed a strange behaviour but didn't see anything. I went to pick up my youngest daughter and around 3pm her dad called to tell me she was there and absolutely drunk, she wanted to go out again but he didn't let her and she went off her head screaming, trying to get out through the windows, absolutely awful. Now she is saying it's all mental health, while I understand and I'm very empathetic and I want to help her, I feel like that doesn't excuse her behaviour, she chose to lie and get drunk on a Wednesday morning. I feel like I can't let her get away so easy time as this is not the first time. I guess I'm looking for all your experience combined in what would be an appropriate consequence.

TLDR: A family friend and I hooked up and both of our families know about it, but my mom wants to put it behind us. I don’t want to make things worse by going and dread the discomfort, but is it the right thing to do?
I’ve been trying to avoid bringing this to the internet since it’s a subject I’ve been avoiding for almost a year and still feel so much shame around, but I am in a really tough situation that affects my family and my current relationship so I need advice on what to do.
In order for this story to make sense, you need to know some backstory. My mom met her best friend of 22 years, Jane (F, 50s), after they started bringing their kids to preschool. I’m my mom’s oldest, (F, 23), and I became fast friends with Mary’s two daughters as we grew up together. To keep this story simple, I’m only going to be including her daughter Margo (F, 21). Mary also has a son named Adrian (M, 21) who became close with my brother (M, 20).
There was never any weirdness between our families since we routinely saw each other every year from the time we were super young until around the beginning of high school. Then it started to become less and less frequent. At one point it had been four years before we had all seen each other and that’s when dynamics started changing. To give a timeline, this entire situation happened over a three/four year period. Adrian and I had started college at this point and he had gotten into smoking weed. Since I had been smoking for a while, we started smoking together and shooting the shit.
This turned into a pattern where whenever we’d see each other (once a year, over 3-4 years) we’d smoke and talk and just enjoy each other’s company. We weren’t as close when we were younger, so it was kind of fun having this new friendship. And it seemed innocent at first (or at least it could be argued that it was), but after a while the tone shifted. Adrian would start asking me about my dating life and we’d confide in each other. Feelings grew and he’d pull me away from his sisters to get time with me and get jealous if I didn’t want to hang out with him, etc. Then one year, right after I graduated college, the families decided to take a trip together to celebrate. Adrian and I fell back into our old routine of smoking and talking… but this time the tension was much more obvious. We both re-hashed our shitty dating lives and ultimately he admitted to having feelings for me.
I initially told him it would be a terrible idea to act on it since our families were so close and this would likely ruin our dynamics if it ended badly. His rebuttal? “I don’t think it would end badly. I think we’re both pretty mature and imagine how happy our family would be if we got married or something?” I was dumbfounded. I’d never had someone tell me that with such confidence, but was I an idiot? Absolutely.
I decided maybe the risk was worth it. He told me he had liked me for years and wanted to see where this could go. He convinced me to visit him later in the summer and by this time I was living in the same state as his family for work, so we were only 2-hours apart. I chose to drive over, lying to his sister, Margo, who had been my friend for almost two-decades. I told her that I was just visiting them to hang out since I lived a lot closer than I used to… I told myself it would be easier not to tell her since she and her brother didn’t get along and I didn’t want to make things weird prematurely… but this was obviously an immature decision that made her feel so much more hurt in the process.
There are a lot more details, but to keep this from getting too long, he and I snuck around, got caught (obviously), and the trip ended on an awful note where Margo couldn’t even look at me. She and I ended up calling a few days later to talk through everything and I made it clear to her that what happened between Adrian and I wasn’t a reckless hookup (because that would make the risk for our families completely pointless in my opinion), and I ignorantly assumed that our long history together would have made Adrian view me in a higher regard… or at the very least consider the situation we had been put in.
Not even two-days later, I received a lengthy text from Adrian saying he thought we were moving too quickly and he wanted to end it… I was speechless. I felt angry, betrayed, humiliated. He made me feel like I was pressuring him into something when we hadn’t even had a definitive conversation on what we were. I also felt used… What was this all for? Was I some kind of sexual fantasy he threw away once he got what he wanted? Looking back on it now, the answer seems so simple and I wish I could go back and tell my past self that if someone isn’t sure what they want, not to waste your time ESPECIALLY if an entire family dynamic is on the line.
I know I’m not the good guy in this situation, but I want to do what I can to not make this situation any worse than it already is. It’s been almost a full year since I last saw Adrian. Margo and I are on good terms, having taken a girls trip for her birthday. Now my mom wants all of us to go on a trip (like old times) and is eager to have all of us move past this situation since Jane, Margo, (and most likely the rest of Adrian’s family) all know about it and none of us have been under the same roof since the situation happened, so this trip being uncomfortable for everyone is an understatement. Not to mention I have an amazing boyfriend who has helped me realize my worth and let go of the past which has been amazing for my mental health.
My question is this: do I go on the trip and try to act like it’s not a big deal and hope everything blows over by showing everyone it doesn’t bother me anymore? Or do I refuse to go if Adrian will be there and seemingly make an even bigger deal out of it? I don’t want to dictate who can or can’t go, or set the precedent that Adrian and I can never be in the same room again, but there’s not a clear answer that doesn’t cause either family stress.
So reddit, let me know what you think. And please be kind, I’ve beaten myself up about this for almost a full year, so I’m just looking for advice on what the best course of action would be to move past this (and I’m not optimistic, I know it will take a longggg time before things go back to the way they were, but any and all advice is much appreciated)

For the original post, visit here: https://www.reddit.com/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1cfl5w1/exposing_exhusband_coming_soon/
Hello everyone, we have some major updates to this coming Petty Revenge story that will involve exposing my ex-husband for who he is and trying to protect the next person from falling into his trap. They will be coming in a separate post once I get everything together.
This is my story for context with the ex-husband. It will be a longer post, to be warned. Trigger warning for those who may be sensitive to stories about abuse and self-harm
Since my original post, the woman who is currently with my ex-husband, (not with as in together, anymore. With as in living with currently until she can find a new place for her and her kids), we have continued to stay in contact, and boy is this the drama intensifying. In short, the ex-husband is still playing his horrible games and turning her life into an ever-living hell.
Some backstory on my side. I will shorten my ex-husband to EH.
I (28F) and EH (36 M) met when I was 18 and he was 26, so there was a bit of an age gap, but that did not matter to either of us. We got engaged roughly 4 or 5 months after we started officially dating and we moved in together at the request of my parents as we could not fit everyone into the same home we were renting at the time. Things of course started off great. He seemed like a decent man who had his life at least somewhat figured out. He loved to cook and usually worked in some form of cooking-related job. However, never really seemed to be able to keep a job for too long but at the time, I didn't think much of it, given I was 19 and wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Since he couldn't hold a job and we usually had to ask his grandmother for money to keep up with the rent (both worked basically minimum wage jobs at the time) so after a year out of the house, we had to move back in with my parents.
Once we got settled back in there, I started a better-paying job and he had started a new job that was at least okay paying as well so for a bit we were doing okay. We made enough that we adopted 2 horses together and boarded them at a nearby facility. One came in late spring, the other in the summer of about 2016. So after 2 years of being together.
We got married that same year in the fall. Everything seemed perfect. Then came the wedding night... What I thought was my monthly woke me in the middle of the night before it was time to get up to leave for our honeymoon because I was suddenly bleeding very heavily, it freaked me out and we silently went to the ER without telling my family to not cause alarm. Come to find out, I was having a miscarriage. I was a little over 6 weeks pregnant and did not know. Needless to say, not exactly the best way to start your marriage, and did not go on our honeymoon. We never told my parents it happened and very few people know.
We held off until the following year, 2017, to go on our honeymoon. While we were on our honeymoon, I got a call that my mare had come down with a fever and the stable owner was calling vets out to see what was wrong. The first vet played it off saying it was just minor, gave her penicillin, and told the stable owner to give her a cool bath to help her cool down and see if it helped. It did not. They called a 2nd vet after that was not working for a second opinion, and my mare was diagnosed with Potomac Fever. Since it had been a few days since she started her fever, giving her the correct medicines at that point as she was getting very poorly was a 50/50 chance of whether they would help or not. We did cut our vacation as short as we could, but we ended up having to wait to come home as our board check removed what we had left to come home on so we had no money until we got paid again, luckily that same week.
The day before we were able to return, my favorite singer, Chester Bennington passed away. I was devasted. When we did get to the stable, we bought some supplies the stable owner advised us to get, mainly wraps and bags of ice to help ice my mare's feet to try to help keep her fever at bay. We were advised by the vet when they stopped by the check on her that the next day they would bring out an x-ray machine to see if the bones in her feet had turned down or not. If they had not, then she had a chance of making a full recovery and staying sound, and everything would be okay. If they had, then she would likely never be able to be ridden again and need a lot of corrective shoeing and therapy which would be very expensive. We were also trying to keep her on her feet as if she went down and we could not get her back up, it would be a death sentence.
The next morning I went to the stable as early as I was able and.. disaster. I was met by the stable owner and he had advised that my mare had been down when he checked on her sometime in the early morning, around 3 or 4 AM. He was able to get her up then but wasn't able to tell how long she had been down before he found her and got her up, however, she had gone down again and had refused to get up. I was so heartbroken and went to her and tried for a good hour or so while my parents showed up. I was in tears telling them we'd probably be putting her down because she was down. We did get her up, but the damage at that point was done. She was down way too long and she has very noticeable nerve damage. Hardly able to walk, went to the bathroom in spurts, and was so unsteady on her feet that she could barely stay up. When the vet came, we let her know what was going on. They looked her over and advised that her fever was gone, but the damage would probably be permanent without very expensive therapy throughout the years and would never be the same again. It was the humane choice to let her go and she crossed the rainbow bridge that day. I only had her a year and 2 weeks on the nose, but she was my best friend, my heart horse, and I miss her terribly to this day, soon to be 7 years later come July.
After this happened, EH and I went through a bit of a rocky patch. For a week or so he was supportive and seemed to care that I was grieving the loss of my mare, but after a little while it turned into arguments about how I could still be upset, time had passed we still had our other horse so I should be fine, all sorts of crazy things. I couldn't understand how he could say those things to me, especially when he knew I was so close with my mare and had many great plans with and for her that were now of course, not possible. He didn't care so I just stopped going to him when I was upset about it.
Fast forward to late fall of 2018, we decided to move out of the home we were living with my brother in and move into a house owned by his grandmother for a work opportunity for my EH. He ended up getting the job which solidified us moving. Moving didn't go so bad, however, I had to leave my job to move so I was without for a bit until I got a job at the same place he was working at, which was a casino. Usually, we worked separately as he was a cook and I was a cashier for the different food areas, but sometimes we worked in the same area. I much preferred to be in a different area than him cause if we worked in the same restaurant that night, it would get exhausting with him trying to joke around and make passes at me in front of people and joke around that it was the husband and wife team and everything was great. The first few times it happened, sure it was actually kind of funny because we had worked through some stuff and were doing okay at that point, but it did get a bit old and repetitive at some point, and never had any personal space. Plus, I was the one driving because he had a suspended license at the time so I was stuck with him most of the time after the new food court opened. We got our first puppy together for my 22nd birthday the day after New Years, 2019.
We moved on to work with a co-worker at a duck farm in the area we lived which was kind of a fun job. He was hired full-time and I was part-time. We took care of thousands of ducks every day doing whatever needed to be done from farm maintenance, giving them vaccines, sorting them, tagging them, etc. I kind of miss that job as it was an interesting one to have. All was well during these times, but we did sometimes have arguments because he felt since I didn't work as much that this somehow meant I was being lazy around the house and could stand to do more cooking and cleaning (which I was already doing a majority of anyway). It turned into a lot of gaslighting arguments that made me feel like maybe I was not doing enough so I took on more than what I was already doing. With the new puppy and at that time 7 fish tanks ranging from 5 gallons to 150 gallons with over 100 total fish and the entire house to clean and outside work to do, I was busy most of the time he was not home. Of course, as soon as he got home, he would find 1 dirty little thing that I didn't get to or something that wasn't to his standards and he'd excuse me for doing nothing or not knowing how to do anything right. We got jobs working for the same place after the duck farm mysteriously let him go for unknown reasons, which I can now only assume were his fault. We met some nice co-workers and got our second puppy from one in late fall of 2019. My dogs could be Irish twins because their birthdays are a little over 9 months apart.
Things started to decline after this, especially during covid, 2020. I got it very early on when they didn't know what it was and was bad enough that I could not work at all because I was struggling to breathe and function most of the time for months afterward. He did help me some but not much more than getting cough medicine and checking on me every once in a while other than that, he wasn't around me much due to having to work or just not coming around me when he was home, which fair, didn't want to bring sickness to the workplace. We were laid off from that job though in the downsizing.
In that time, he started abusing online slot games, and the extra money we had that we had previously discussed was to be saved for either a newer vehicle or even maybe a home of our own down the road he used to get coins or boosts in his games. They were not the ones you could win actual money from so he was just purely wasting hundreds of dollars pretty much every week or every couple of weeks on these games. I also found he had been spending money online on sites such as OF and other smut websites and paying for NSFW stuff online. Also found he was cheating on me with one person on OF when I got a pinged message from his email chats on my laptop. I, of course, wanted to see what was happening and found everything he had been saying to this girl.
He was telling her around times we'd go visit my parents for the weekend that he was going out of town to his family but didn't say with whom. They would ask him how he was single and he would just say "Oh I don't know, just unlucky I guess" and things along these longs. I wasn't even given roommate status, He stated he lived alone. Had the 2 dogs, all the fish, was woah is me with it all. I confronted him about it and of course, he tried to deny everything, tried to say I was probably the one cheating, and was just trying to blame him, you know, totally normal sane reaction... not. We got into it pretty good, nothing physical, but we did not talk to each other for a bit, I had considered leaving to be with my best friend at that time, but ultimately we started talking and wanted to attempt to work things out. He of course promised not to do it again, he'd be better, all that good stuff so I decided to give him another chance. Of course, I realize that was a major mistake now, but you live and learn, unfortunately.
Things smoothed out for a bit and went back to being okay again. We had a chance to expand our animals so we took it, it was kind of an apology gift in all honesty. We gained 4 rabbits from my best friend in the late-ish summer of 2020. I met her for the first time in the at the time 8 years we had been talking (we met online) so that was great. I am coming to realize that gaining all the animals we did in our time together may have been a coping mechanism for me because I had something that was depending on me and loved on me so in some ways I realize I do have a lot of animals due to this, but I am also an animal lover and love all of my animals and they are very much spoiled rotten every day. They still bring me immense joy and are a highlight of my life even if they were gained with EH. We still had our other horse, a gelding, at this time yet as well and he had been moved to a new boarding facility that was close to where we had moved to. So things were great at this time. In 2021 in the summer I gained a leopard gecko, and in the fall I gained a Russian tortoise as well.
Backtracking a little to around the end of August 2020, I gained my current job and I was excited to start a new at-home job so I could work and not have to worry about going out and potentially getting deathly sick again. I do have RA so I do have a compromised immune system. He started back to work where we were working as they had started hiring people back, so I was happy to have a quiet background which was needed for my job. Well, that did not last long. 2 weeks after going back, he didn't go to work for a day or 2 and I asked him if he was going to work. He stated he was using his paid vacation time and had taken the next 2 weeks off because he "needed a break" from work because he was feeling burnt out even though he had only been back 2 weeks and wanted some time to do stuff around the house. I thought this was odd and he never asked if this was okay... I only found out when he stayed home instead of going to work as scheduled.
He did go back after those 2 weeks off but he only stayed about another month and it happened again that he did not go in for a day or 2 when he was supposed to be working so I asked him what was going on. He told me he had quit the job because it was burning him out and he did not enjoy the job anymore. I found this odd yet again because he did not express any of these feelings before doing so and never asked me. I was furious and asked him how he thought this was okay because in our budget I had made up for us (because he wouldn't) there was no way for us to survive on my income alone for long and we would likely have to destroy our savings to stay afloat. He stated he would look for another job right away, he just wanted some time to figure out what he wanted to do. How, when he had only just gone back to work after about 5 months off, I don't know, but it was what it was, I made it clear he had to find work.
At that time, around the beginning of 2021 or so, maybe more coming into spring, he started his online slot spending again, and I had found he never deleted his OF account and was talking to another girl that I didn't know about saying the same things he was before, except he was talking to this girl the ENTIRE TIME he was talking to the other one. I just didn't catch it cause he had deleted messages so I didn't see it apparently when I found the first one. So not only had he lied about going to delete the OF and other smut stuff, but he had actively continued to talk to another girl for the entire year and a half almost that he claimed he was working on us and our relationship.
Needless to say, I exploded internally and waited for him to come home after helping his gram with something. I had a plan. When he got home, I played it cool like any other day. Asked him how his gram was, what he did at her house, and all that, normal. Then, I calmly asked him who the OF girl was. The color of his face went pale. Or paler anyway. At first asked, who? And acted confused. I reiterated my question of who OF girl was, this time, seriously to let him know the jig is up. He stated he didn't know who I was talking about and didn't know anyone by that name. I pulled up his OF account on my computer and was like, oh really? then explain all of this, and scrolled through the months of messages with this girl.
He had the AUDACITY to continue denying it was him and said he probably got hacked. I found a picture of him fully in the nude in the full-length mirror in the bathroom that he had sent her and said, "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this picture?" and continued to more of his parts he was sending to the girl and continued to ask and this to all them. He had nowhere to hide. I had also already downloaded copies of everything and sent them to my best friend (the one we got the rabbits from) so in case he wanted to delete everything and call me crazy, I had the proof that I was not and he did these things.
Eventually, he admitted to continuing talking to her even though he said he had stopped. His reasoning? Apparently, he didn't feel the same spark in our marriage or relationship that he had originally felt and felt like I was distancing myself from him and it just wasn't the same between us. He also stated that he felt as if his efforts to make our relationship work weren't being seen by me and he didn't feel appreciated in the relationship. I, of course, asked him what he meant because at that point I had been just trusting his word that he wouldn't do anything else and would stop. He hadn't done anything else. No romantic gestures, no help around the house, offering to grab food when we needed it, take care of me while I was sick, offer to take over any form of bills or anything financial that I was solely doing at that point because he didn't want the responsibility of and had stated beforehand he didn't want the responsibility of.. nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything was always on me, and I was the one burdening myself and driving myself crazy, even when I had another health scare thinking I had a DVT because I had sudden swelling in my left leg around my knee area and would get sudden bouts of breathlessness and was advised to take it easy and remove as much stress as possible for a bit in case I did have one to avoid a possible clot from going into my brain or lungs. Luckily, I did not have it, or any clots. I was under so much mental and physical stress that my body was reacting negatively.
This did not stop him from continuing my stresses at all. I also developed Vocal Cord Dysfunction when I had covid and stress makes it worse so on top of the sudden swelling and breathlessness, the stress was also activating the VCD and constantly making it feel like someone was choking me full force, which would trigger anxiety attacks because of course I felt like someone was choking me full force and like I couldn't breathe and wasn't breathing or at least wasn't breathing normally. It's an awful experience that I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemies.
Despite all the cheating, I never mentioned a word to my parents even up until that point, but they had a feeling something was going on because I was probably being a bit distant with them. I didn't want anyone to know at the time and thought I could fix things. Things only got worse. When he did finally get a job, not until mid-2021, so at that point he'd been out of work almost a year, he again picked up his gambling habits. What made things worse and started to spin more out of control was the pizza shop he had gotten a job at installed slot machines for their customers to play if they wished.
You can only guess what happened from there. While he was making decent money at the time, I saw hardly any of it because he would gamble most of his income at those slot machines. I would tell him what bills needed to go out of our joint account (I had a separate account for myself for my pay, but a portion went into the joint) from his pay, and he would say okay got it won't spend anything over that, won't play this week since we won't have a lot left over, etc etc etc... and magically pretty much all of the money would be gone and I would be forced to dip into our savings to save our bills from going out of date and overdue and gets fees we could not afford.
For context, the joint account was after I paid most of everything else out of my account before seeing what needed to go out of the joint account as well. Usually, the joint account would be needed to cover our rent to his gram, groceries, gas, vet appointments for the animals, medical or dental appointments for myself or him, and pretty much anything other than rent that was a necessity. I took care of the actual main bills out of my pay. As stated above, EH wanted nothing to do with the financial responsibility of ensuring all the bills such as our electricity, water, heat, phones, and internet were paid for on time because "I was better at keeping track of that stuff". I took that on because since I worked from home, I needed to make sure 100% I would have internet and electricity, or else I wouldn't have a job, and I couldn't lose my job over something so stupid as not paying my bills on time. I am not that irresponsible.
In about mid-fall 2021, he was at work and I had requested the day off to take our dogs, then 2 and 3, to the vet for their yearly check-ups and vaccinations so they were good for the coming year. He had just gotten paid the day before and I checked the joint account before I left the house with the dogs and saw that so far, he had not done anything with the money, so all was good and I proceeded to take the dogs to the vet. They did fine. It comes time to check out and pay for the vet visit and... the debit card for the joint account declines and says insufficient funds. Confused, I asked them to try it again before looking because I knew I saw that there was more than enough to cover their bill before I left. Nothing, same thing, it says it's declined due to insufficient funds.
I began to panic because, at this point, we had $0 in our savings because of his antics up until that point, and if I used my bank card, while it would go through, would put me into the negative until payday, which was not until the next week. I checked the joint account and low and behold, within the 2 or 3 hours I was gone, he somehow blew through almost $1,000 in withdrawals to gamble, pretty much his entire pay and I had less than $100 in that account. He had gambled his entire pay when he knew I was out to a vet appointment at that current moment. I paid with my bank card so I could leave, as at that vet clinic, you had to pay for the services before leaving or they would not let you leave, or not let you leave with your animals at the very least until the bill was paid in full. They had no bill me later options.
Needless to say, I was fuming the entire drive home and immediately messaged him about it when I got home and the dogs settled. He messaged me back right away with a BS excuse that he forgot that was what was happening that day even though right above those messages he could see I reminded him I was going to the vet, told him I was leaving for the vet, and was at the vet currently, all of which he replied to.
It of course ended up in an argument when he got home and after a long time arguing he stated he didn't understand what all the fuss was about since I had covered the bill just fine. He was using his pay the way he wanted and that's how it should be. He dared to say my pay went to what I wanted and it wasn't fair I was putting such a tight leash on him and his spending when I spent money on myself all the time, which is not true. I reminded him of this very quickly and showed him my bank account was in the negative because of today due to paying all of the necessary bills we needed, not because I was spending on myself and reminded him if I didn't pay the internet and electricity especially, I wouldn't be able to work which was not in the cards with how his spending was.
I forbade him from spending anything without my okay at this point and in a last-ditch effort, took away and cut up his bank cards and hid mine where he wouldn't find them. This did stop his spending because he didn't have a way to spend. I would only give him my bank card if he asked to get something we needed or he needed, and he was to give it back immediately after use or as soon as he could give it back if he took it to work to get something after work like smokes or something for the house. If any cash withdrawals went out, he wasn't allowed to take it again for a while. This continued into 2022 and it worked, I could relax a little as he was starting to earn trust. Say what you will, but it had to be done. At the end of 2021, 2 days before New Year 2022, we, unfortunately, lost our other horse to a long battle with sickness so we were down to just our dogs, the rabbits, reptiles, and 3 fish tanks because we decided to downgrade on the fish keeping. After all, water was getting expensive to maintain all 7 we had.
The loss of our gelding, unfortunately, turned out to be a good thing, as after we had him euthanized and I had allowed EH to have a bank card of his own again because he had been doing very well, it wasn't long before he was back to his old habits of draining his pays. Only, without the about $400 a month board for our gelding going out anymore, it was much worse. There would have been no way we would have been able to afford to keep him after that. It got to the point I again, took his card away, but then he started finding where I was hiding both of my cards and would drain not only the joint account but also my account. This led to us getting behind in rent especially, on some of my credit card payments which had by that time gotten completely maxed out, and on payments to loans I had taken out to try to get us back on track. Not good.
This continued to no avail throughout 2022. I had many conversations with friends trying to see if there was anything I could do. I was at my wits end with all the constant fighting over finances, continued accusations of cheating, making me feel like I was worthless and not doing enough to try to get him to see reason, wondering why I was not good enough for him to want to change and get his act together, mental and emotional abuse, manipulative actions, almost anything you can think of. I wanted it to stop and I was getting tired of trying. My mental and emotional health declined greatly. My friends of course wanted to support me in whatever I wanted to try to do, but they also didn't like seeing me decline as much as I was.
I had a mental breakdown one night and basically did a 2005 Brittany Spears to my hair. I didn't shave everything off, however, a good 90% of my hair was shaved off and what I did have left was very much chopped and looked horrible. I did get most of it fixed, but needed help with the back, so I asked him to try to fix it up so it didn't look so chopped off. I was already not the best mentally and my anxiety was through the roof. I had simply asked him to just be careful and not accidentally cut or nick me. Pretty simple. As I was anxious, I asked him a few times, and was a bit flinchy when he was close to me. He took this the wrong way and threw the scissors down and started screaming at me that if I wasn't going to calm down and hold still I could do it myself and blew past me out the bathroom door. The door almost hit me when he swung it open and I just completely lost it. I sobbed and was in such a bad state of mind that I ended up scratching my arms to the point I made them bleed and covered with scratches. He didn't care or do anything about it, he had gone outside and taken the car and drove up leaving me there alone. I bandaged up my arms. They stung for weeks and I still have a few light scars. Not a very proud moment, but one that drew me closer to knowing I had to leave. The stress I was under was too much.
My now current boyfriend, whom we'll call BF, (32 M) came into the mix towards the end of summer 2022, introduced to me by my best friend after she found him gaming in Fallout, mixed in with my friends, and took their stance as well that if I wanted to try to make things work, he would try to be as supportive as possible. Over time though, he and my friends slowly cracked and smashed through my rose-tinted glasses to help me see that what was happening was not my fault, and was not an okay situation to be in. My best friend then distanced herself thinking I was choosing BF over her after we started talking more and we were hanging out more playing games together. She decided to end our 11-year friendship amid things even though she knew I needed her and we were not replacing her with each other, we just happened to be growing closer. We attempted to include her in things but she chose to leave and distance herself, stating to me later she regretted ever introducing us.
My BF and other friends became my main support systems, and I decided enough was enough and it was time to let go. I had fallen out of love with my EH for some time but didn't want to admit to it. The marriage was over. I told EH I wanted a divorce but he did not believe me. He said I was being crazy for thinking we should end things, but I knew I was not.
While he was at work one night toward the end of October 2022, I went online and found a service that would assist me in getting the papers we needed to start the divorce process and bought them on the joint account so he could see I was serious.
When he came home, I was on the computer with my friends on Discord, playing a game together. He came in screaming with an anger I had never heard before... He had screamed at me before, but this was different. He was screaming at me to get out of the house, that I needed to get out now, he didn't want to see me in the morning, he didn't care if he wasn't allowed to do that cause he was doing it anyway, he was so angry and my friends and BF heard him through my headset. One of my friends told him to shut up and calm down and EF snapped and screamed at them to shut up and stay out of it.
He then came straight for me and slammed my laptop shut so hard I was afraid he broke it, ripped my headset off my head, and threw me from my chair, continuing to scream at the top of his lungs that he wanted me out right then and there if I wanted to me that way. It all happened so fast, I couldn't stop shaking and looking at him, not expecting this. He had never put his hands on me before. Ripping the headset off my head nearly caught on my industrial earring, which would have been horrible if it caught and ripped out. Luckily it didn't.
Once I got past the initial shock, I stood up and lit into him that he couldn't just kick me out because he was mad I was finally done with him and the relationship, and the audacity he had to lay his hands on me. I needed time to get a place to live because of my work. I needed to get my options figured out, get the animals we had sorted out if I could keep them all or not, everything. I needed to make sure I was sorted out and he would have to deal with the fact that I had to do these things before I could get out of the house.
His anger turned into tears and he began crying and pleading with me not to go and crying he'd do better and be a better person and all the things he promised beforehand. He couldn't believe what he saw when he saw the request for divorce papers, he was sorry for putting his hands on me, the works. It did not work. I assured him I was going and needed to get things sorted out.
The next day I called my parents and told them what had happened and that I needed a place to stay or at least help looking for a place to stay. My parents and brother agreed that they would take me in as they owned and lived in a house, and I could live in the basement of the house so I had a room to myself and had room for my animals as well. I did have to rehome 2 of the 4 rabbits, however, they went to a loving home with a cousin of my brother's girlfriend who was experienced with rabbits and currently had some that 2 could intermingle with. So that worked in my favor.
I didn't think I would have room for both dogs and rabbits remaining, so EH decided he wanted to keep 1 dog and 1 rabbit. He wanted our first dog (the one gotten for my 22nd birthday) and the original rabbit he chose from my now former best friend. I agreed and kept our 2nd dog and the original rabbit I chose from my former best friend. I also was keeping the leopard gecko, tortoise, and fish. However, my parents agreed that if in the future EH ever decided to get rid of or no longer wanted our first dog and the other rabbit, they would allow them to come as well (important in a bit).
I made the move to my parent's house in mid-November 2022 and started the process for divorce. While I was getting the first papers ready to go and sent to EH to start the process, EH would continuously text me and harass me even when I asked him to stop messaging me. He would continuously say he wanted me to stay with him, he would change, ask how I could do this to us as by that time we have been married 6 years and together for 8. Trying to manipulate me into coming back with promises of change.
My response was to send him the first official papers to start the divorce process. In my state, once you initiate the process and request for legal divorce, and the request is approved, you have to wait 90 days before you can then submit the final paperwork to request to make the divorce official because the relationship is not going to work, both parties want the divorce, etc.
I had to send the papers a second time because they were not done properly the first time, but the second try was approved so the 90-day waiting time to submit the final papers began.
He continued to harass and message me multiple times throughout the first month, and then his harassment to try to get me to stay turned into distasteful language and cursing me out, saying he didn't need me he already moved on and had someone else so didn't need me anymore. All ploys were more than likely to see if I would suddenly want him. I did not react other than to say good because I had also already moved on and was with someone, my BF, so I was looking forward to being rid of him so I could be with my BF in peace and not have to worry about him anymore.
At that, he stopped messaging me finally, and I moved all correspondence to email instead of text and messenger for more formal communications only when I had updates regarding our pending divorce.
In about April 2023, I had a bad feeling about the well-being of my first dog and other rabbit so in an update email to let him know we had reached the 90th day so the next day I could start getting the finalization paperwork in, I asked him how both were doing and if I may have a picture of them just to ease my mind that they were doing okay and was maybe just nerves about losing them for good.
He met this simple request with utter anger and venom, stating he didn't have to tell me how they were doing and wasn't going to send any pictures. I was being crazy, they were fine so I shouldn't be asking or worrying about anything. This set alarm bells off in my mind because it was just a simple request to see how they were doing, and so far, legally, still, partly my animals until the divorce was final. I advised him of this and this time demanded proof that both the dog and rabbit were doing well or I would be calling animal welfare as a precaution to ensure their well-being and would want them back ASAP if not met, as I wanted them back if he was not taking care of them.
He again refused stating he didn't have to prove anything and that if I asked again, he'd report me for harassment and false accusations of animal abuse. Not wanting any legal trouble with a pending divorce, I dropped it and didn't ask again.
However, 2 weeks later I got a nasty email saying if I wanted my other dog and rabbit back so badly I could have them, as the dog had been whining so much it was annoying him and he didn't want to deal with it anymore. His sister was getting married in 2 weeks, so I asked if he wanted to have them out before or after the wedding since I was attending the wedding along with my brother and his girlfriend and would be in the area, but could get them earlier if needed. He opted for the week before the wedding because he wanted her especially gone. I asked about the rabbit and he said he changed his mind and wanted to keep the rabbit, but if I wanted her too, I could take her as well. I kindly advised the rabbit would be coming back with me as well as I did not want her alone with him anymore. I told my parents what was up and they agreed they could come home much to my relief.
That weekend in May 2023, my brother and I went to EH's house to pick up my dog and rabbit. The moment I saw them, I was so heartbroken and angry. The rabbit was in a tiny hutch meant just to hold them while we cleaned their big enclosure that obviously had not been cleaned or taken care of in some time and dirty murky brown water to drink. It was obvious she had been couped up there for some time, as her enclosure wall panels were broken down and on the porch. My dog was completely emaciated and in horrible condition. Her nails were overgrown, and she was skin and bones. You could see her ribs, spine, and hip bones, and her face was sunken in. Neglected and not taken care of or fed in some time.
I was so angry I grabbed them and put them in the vehicle and let my brother take care of EH. He talked to him for a bit as I called my parents crying telling them what kind of state my animals were in. They were furious. When we got home, they had the dog I kept outside so he could see his sister come home and they wanted to film their reunion and also show what EH did to her. My mother broke into tears when I carefully got my dog out of the car. She was so excited to see my parents again and her brother. And he was so excited to finally see her again. He had been so depressed without her as he grew up with her of course. It was a beautiful reunion but so depressing and sad because of how deplorable of a condition she was in.
My rabbits immediately went to each other when I put the other into the enclosure with the one I kept. They knew who each other were as well and they started grooming each other and cuddling together like they used to like nothing happened. Both my dogs and my rabbits are inseparable now. They can't stand to be away from each other.
The divorce was finalized in June 2023 and I made sure I had no forms of contact with EH again, blocking him on everything.
I can say I have found a wonderful man in my BF and he has helped me so much and been with me through all of this, we couldn't be happier to be able to be together without people asking how we're together if I'm married to someone else even though I was getting a divorce and no longer with EH. Mainly very religious family members who made a fuss about it, but still was a bit ridiculous.
If you reached the end of this and read every bit, if you have any questions feel free to comment below. An update in a separate post will be coming within the next day or so about what's going on with the woman who is currently with the ex-husband.
This was my story in this, context you may or may not want as not everyone's stories gets told. I am telling mine now as everyone in these situations should.

my 19 y/o sister says she’s “not dating” her 15 online friend even thought they have matching avatars, have each other favorited on everything, and have each others name in their bios with “💗🔒” like whattt 🤨 shes known to be desperate for online boyfriends and friends because she doesn’t have any irl
they also have each others names as nicknames for what significant others would have: hers is “my beautiful girl” and his is “my handsome boy” DISGUSTING. he also makes “jokes” that he wants to have $3x with her and she just laughs it off along with racist remarks he has made towards OUR ethnicity even tho we’re e/se asian and he’s arab. she says it’s ok since he’s “asian” like bro we aren’t the same asian
to me it seems like she’s grooming him until he’s 18 like she does stuff he says and is online w/ him 24/7..like girls you’re 19 why’re you letting some minor control your life??
i mean i feel bad for the kid because he probably only gets validation from her and nobody in his outside life. i’m only a minor so i cannot really do anything except snitch to our parents since they pay for everything of hers and she lives in their house.
i just want to know if it’s too risky to snitch if she ain’t actually dating him. she would go psycho if i told our parents and come to find out they weren’t dating

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Heavy_Illustrator852
My (37M) wife (35F)had a threesome with her best friend and husband years ago and they want to do it again. Now I don’t want them around us anymore.
Original Post May 14, 2024
I’ve know this for a long time but when my wife was younger she had a few threesomes with her best friend and her husband (then boyfriend). This was years before we even met and she told me early in our relationship just so there would be no secrets.
I’ve never had a problem with my wife being around her best friend alone since the threesome didn’t involve much girl on girl but more sharing her boyfriend. And for that reason I’ve had trouble throughout our marriage being around both of them. I just have trouble having a normal conversation knowing that this guy has had sex with my wife.
My wife doesn’t think anything of it and is completely comfortable. It’s just something she did for a little while then stopped because she wasn’t into it anymore once the taboo thrill wore off. She can even talk about it with them as casually as she talks about a concert they went to. However she doesn’t do this when I’m around because she knows it makes me uncomfortable.
Anyway we were all together last weekend and her friend had gotten a little drunk and brought it up. My wife quickly shut her down but the impression I got was that there had been a lengthier conversation leading up to this that I didn’t know about.
Later on my wife told me that her friend and husband had asked if she and I were interested in doing something. They were down for whatever we were comfortable with. But my wife admitted that they really wanted her again but with me watching. My wife knows there is no way in hell I would be down for that and neither would she. My wife stopped doing that with them for a reason and that’s before she got married and had kids.
My wife has told me to just forget they said anything but holy shit how can I do that now? I swallowed being around them when these incidents were well in the past but now that they are openly lusting for my wife I don’t know if I feel comfortable with her or me being around them. Am I wrong here? How do I navigate this? I don’t want to tell my wife to break off her friendship but something I feel needs to be done.
TLDR: My wife had a threesome with her friend and husband and they want to do it again. Now I don’t want them around anymore.
EDIT:
Thanks for all the comments, I’m glad I’m not blow this out of proportion and my response is normal. For context I do want to add that they all were together 3 times and my wife stopped it simply because she stopped being into it. She only participated because her friend was bragging about her boyfriend’s skill in the bedroom and insisted that she try it. She did and she found that no amount of skill could overcome the fact that she wasn’t very attracted to him. My wife also really isn’t into girls. She participated with her friend but it was a first and last for her. Just not her thing. So I really am not worried about her doing anything with them because she had ample opportunity before we met and she passed.
Also, a lot of people are criticizing my wife from not telling me about the conversation but I’m actually fine with that. She said no for both of us, I’m not angry at her for that. I’m angry at them for trying to basically cuck me.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
CrazyHermit74

I think there is much more to this story. I think it is down right strange that you and your wife are in contact with them let alone friends after you started dating wife. I'm almost positive that there is more going on than you know. Sure it is possible that your wife hasn't had any contact with either of them since you began dating. But to me it really seems odd to be in a friendship with people that had sex multiple times with her. Like others have said it is like an ex spouse or dating partner being friends with her while married to you.

OOP

Her best friend is a swinger. It’s just that simple. Her and her husband have sex with different people, sometimes together, sometimes separate. It’s just part of their lifestyle. It’s not how my wife is. In her early twenties when she was more sexually adventurous she was down for this stuff but that’s in the past.

OOP Further explains what they wanted

I’m I actually offended that they really want me to watch. Like that’s one of their kinks, to humiliate me. This guy wants to have sex with my wife, the mother of my children and look me in the face while he does it.

Update May 16, 2024
After I posted I had a deeper conversation with my wife about her friends and expressed my discomfort about being around people that are lusting after my wife and fantasize about having sex with her in front of me. She said she understood how I felt but told me that there was absolutely nothing I should be concerned about. To my wife, her friend and her husband are not serious people. They are fun to be around but that’s it. She experimented with them in her early 20s but she was a different person then. She was very sexually adventurous in college and right after and did a lot of things she’d never think of doing now. She said she’s a 35 year old married mother of 2 with a serious career and she simply isn’t interest in behaving like that anymore. Not to mention that she is happily married and loves me.
While I understood all that and I do trust her. I told her that my point still stands. I am just not comfortable around them. My wife then asks if we could talk it out with her friends and if after that talk if I’m still uncomfortable then she will agree to whatever I am comfortable with.
So I agree and we meet last night at our house. They both apologize and swear to never bring it up again. But I can tell that neither think of this as a big deal and from their tone it seems like they think I am being overly sensitive. So I raise that point and they concede that they do think that I am being “silly”. They tell me that the time they had with my wife was a very memorable experience that they wanted to experience it again and simply asked if my wife would be interested in participating with me or with my approval. They say that they would have been happy to allow me to participate in any way I liked but did admit that their biggest fantasy was to basically double team my wife while I watched.
But my wife had no interest, they confirm that she shut it down quickly. They brought it up later while they were drunk because they figured maybe I would have some interest and if I did I could convince her to do it.
My wife’s friend then says that once I let go of my inhibitions she guarantees that I would enjoy myself. How they think I would enjoy any experience that involves someone else fucking my wife, whether I am actively involved or not is beyond me. I am about to say this when my wife jumps in. She tells them that I will not be enjoying anything. She says she’s not 22 anymore and has babies asleep upstairs. She tells them that neither of us will be fucking anyone else and she thought she made that very clear.
It got a little awkward after that and they left shortly after. My wife hugged me when they left and said she was sorry for asking me to talk with them. That was not how she expected that to go. We talked a little more and she admitted that hearing their stories is a fun escape and even got flattered when they would tell her how much they loved being with her. But admitted that it’s become a little too real and she could not stand the thought of watching me with someone else and understands how I feel. So we agreed to take a good long break from seeing them. My wife isn’t going to completely cut her best friend out of her life but we are going to manage how we see them. No more drinking, no more her alone with both of them in their home or ours. Shopping, lunch and similar activities is where she is going to keep the friendship and I can live with that.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
crazybitch_2000

Your wife is one in a million and didn’t deserve any of the hate she got in your last post. Neither of you have done anything wrong and you guys handled this situation perfectly 👌

OOP

Thanks, I never blamed her. She has been up front with me from the beginning of our relationship about the things she’s done.

~
When asked if he's sure the wife doesn't want to have threesomes anymore

My wife had ample opportunity before we met to do this again with them. She stopped it after 3 times and they tried for an entire year before we met to convince her to do it again but she said no. It just wasn’t something she was into. The girl on girl stuff isn’t her thing and she isn’t very attracted to the husband. Once the taboo of the whole thing wore off she was no longer interested.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ta-wife-friend
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for not telling my wife about an incident with her best friend
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: mentions of domestic violence, manipulation, accusations of infidelity
Original Post: May 15, 2024
I want to be very sensitive when writing it here, but I have been dealing with unbearable guilt and wanted to know if what I am doing is wrong. I really do not want to trigger anyone, but I will be writing about a very sad situation.
I (33M) have been married to my wife (31F) for 6 years and we have a 3-year-old kid. We are very happy together and I am lucky to be married to a very kind and smart woman. My wife's best friend Ana (fake name for anonymity) has been living with us for the last 6 months.
I wanted to talk about Ana to give a full context of why I am making my decision. Ana is my wife's best friend since school days. Ana was living in the city with her boyfriend, and we live in the suburbs of that city. They seemed happy together and were in relationship for 2 years.
However, my wife noticed bruises on Ana's hand last year and asked her about it. Initially, Ana dismissed it as work related injuries. My wife kept on probing, and we learned that Ana was in an extremely toxic and abusive relationship. Her boyfriend lost his job last year and became extremely controlling and abusive towards her. He constantly accused her of cheating (Ana denies it), made her link her phone messenger to his computer and started micromanaging finances. There was an incident of domestic violence that was the final straw and my wife, and I had to rush to the hospital to look after Ana.
Since Ana's parents are mostly absent from her life, my wife asked me if Ana can stay with us for a few days. We are three people living in a 4-bedroom house and have two spare guest rooms. I of course agreed to it and told her that Ana can stay with us as long as she wants. I think the incident completely broke Ana and she would just start crying randomly and completely shut down. It was really sad to see Ana in that state. She had to leave her job due to mental issues and stayed at home in the room all day.
My wife is very kind and took care of Ana like she was family and made sure she felt loved. Ana is also thankful to my wife and I to help her in her worst time, and helps around the house and with our kid (though we never leave him alone with Ana). Ana, now is coming back to normal, smiles sometimes and has started looking for job again.
Now onto the incident. Last Friday, my wife and I went to work as normal and dropped our son at daycare. I had a doctor's appointment at noon and came straight home from there as I did not have a lot of work in office. I made some lunch, and then went to my room to sit in my bed and reply to all the emails. Ana was in her room, and I did not talk to her after I came home.
Around 2pm, I heard Ana's room door open and her walking in the hallway. Suddenly, our bedroom door opened, and Ana walked in topless and just in her underwear. I was shocked and not sure how long I was staring at her. But after a few seconds, I blurted out "I am sorry!", and she quickly covered herself with her hands. She was apologetic and started explaining herself. She said she just wanted to borrow my wife's clothes because her laundry was unwashed. It was super embarrassing to have conversation with her in that state and I looked away. She again apologized and then went out of the bedroom. The incident lasted less than 2 minutes.
After a while, she again came back into our bedroom (fully dressed) and apologized for the incident. She said it was really embarrassing and she did not know anyone will be home. I said it's ok and I should have told her I am back early from office when I came home. She asked me to not mention about the incident to my wife. She said she feels embarrassed she walked around the hallway without clothes and that I saw her in that state. I said it's ok and lets forget about it.
I have not told my wife about the incident and it's been 5 days. It was just a benign incident, but I somehow feel guilty about the whole thing. I feel more guilty that I am lying to my wife by omission of the truth. However, I feel that if my wife takes it the wrong way, it may strain her relationship with Ana, and I really feel bad for Ana what she had to go through. I also do not want to make Ana uncomfortable in our house by telling my wife about her barging into our bedroom in that state.
Am I the AH in this case for not talking about this incident to my wife. I am afraid that if Ana tells it to her first, it will make me look really bad and guilty. However, if I tell her, I do not want her to blame Ana for any of this and not help her in time of her need. Can someone please help me on how I can tell my wife about this?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was YTA and was advised to talk with his wife
Comments
OOP on multiple redditors who advised him to talk with his wife and not keep it as a secret from her if the incident was really bothering him

OOP: Thanks. This is really helpful.
May be I am overthinking this, but I have read that in these situations, the victim's trust in men is very fragile. Would it be horrible if I tell my wife after I told Ana I would not mention about this incident? Should I talk about this with Ana first?

Icy-Doctor23: YWBTA if you do not tell your wife. Never keep secrets as a team with your house guest against your wife!
Disastrous-Oven-4465: Ana needs to tell her PDQ. She also needs to stay out of your bedroom.
Do NOT keep the secret. That’s what will destroy your relationship.
I’ll try to give Ana a pass but some small part of me thinks she knows what she’s doing and asking you to keep it a secret is part of that.
(Editor’s note: PDQ = pretty damn quick)
 
Update May 16, 2024
I wrote a post yesterday about an embarrassing situation that happened between my wife's best friend who is currently staying at our house. I was not sure how to bring it up to my wife and you guys really helped me a lot in understanding the urgency of telling my wife. I also got some cool ideas on how to bring up the subject without making it awkward for anyone. For everyone saying Ana was doing it on purpose, I did not agree with it as I am an extremely average looking person and woman don't chase me. However, things since last night have been just crazy and I think I am spiraling a bit. Sorry for the long post.
So, I decided to tell my wife last night as soon as she came home about the incident. I liked the idea of jokingly bringing up casually so that we both can laugh about it and then forget it. Last night, when my wife came home, I made sure I stayed in our bedroom. I asked Ana if she could stay with my kid downstairs.
As my wife was changing, I asked her if Ana still borrow her clothes. Ana had to borrow them regularly when she first moved (long story). My wife told me yes and she has told Ana she can take anything from her closet if she needs it. I asked my wife if Ana told her about the funny incident from Friday. My wife said no, and I told her the whole story about how I came home early, and Ana came in the room almost naked to get her clothes, and how embarrassing it was for both of us.
As my wife was listening to this, she completely froze and turned pale. She started murmuring in Spanish (which is her and Ana's native language). I don't understand Spanish really well, but I understood the words "hombre casado" and "orta vez". I asked her if she is ok, and she sat next to me and asked me to explain everything in detail. I just told her it was nothing and she must have not heard me coming in. I was trying to laugh it off, but my wife had water in her eyes. I kept on telling her it was not a big deal, but she kept on asking me for more details. She asked me how Ana talks to me. I told her that Ana barely talks to me since she moved in except few words here and there.
My wife then asked me about three weeks ago when my wife had gone to visit her parents for four days. Ana did not want to go with her and stayed back. I told her that Ana was just acting normal. She or I would cook dinner after I got home from work while the other took care of the kid. The only thing different was Ana generally spending her evening in her room. However, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV after the kids slept, Ana came and sat on the sofa next to me but did not talk to me. I asked her if she wants me to change the channel or stream something she likes, and she just said she wanted to get out of her room. However, she did not flirt with me or do anything unusual.
I kept on telling my wife that it was just an accident, and I really did not understand why she reacted so emotionally to it. My wife refused to answer and just said ok and agreed with me. However, she told me I should have told her about the incident sooner and should not keep any secrets from her and gave me a big lecture. I told her that I did not think it was a big deal and thought Ana would tell her, but glad I brought it up.
After dinner, my wife messaged Ana to join us, and she came out. While talking, my wife brought up the incident and told Ana that I mentioned about the incident, and she does not need to feel embarrassed. Such things happen when we are all in the same house and is not a big deal. Ana was firstly taken by surprise, but then told my wife she was just scared to tell her because she thought my wife would judge her because of her past. My wife gave her a stare, and she quickly changed the topic.
At night, I asked my wife what the hell was going on. I told her to please not keep any secrets from me, and if she does not tell me, I will directly ask Ana about what her past has got to do with anything. My first guess was Ana might have had a thing for me before we got married or something. But my wife was very reluctant to answer and kept on trying to change the subject and cuddle. However, I kept being persistent, and she finally spilled the beans.
Apparently, when Ana was in her early 20s, she was in relationship with a married coworker who was twice her age. It was a kind of sugar daddy relationship, and he told her that he was in an open relationship (or that's what Ana told my wife) and he would leave his wife in few years once the kids go to college. This makes sense now, because Ana is very pretty (like Miss USA level), and I never understood why she was single for most of the time I knew her. She eventually ended that relationship and started dating her boyfriend Jim, who turned out to be an abusive asshole.
My wife said she suspects Ana was still involved with the older guy while in relationship with Jim, which explains why he kept on accusing her of cheating. That is why my wife became emotional when I told her what Ana did because she was worried Ana has no boundaries regarding married men. My wife said that Ana always looks up to us and praises me for being such a loyal partner and how lucky my wife is.
My wife was a worried initially when she brought Ana home, but her actions from the time when my wife was away clearly show that she respects the boundaries, and it must have been an accident. My wife told me she is grateful I let Ana live in our house and observe what a healthy and happy marriage looks like.
Today morning was even more weird. I got up early as I could not sleep well and went down for a cup of coffee. After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks. She has never hugged me in the last 6 months. She seemed to be in a happy mood and was making small talk with me while having coffee.
I cannot believe my wife did not tell me such a huge detail about Ana for all these years. It's completely possible she cheated all through the relationship with Jim, and my wife is just covering for her all along. She even kept it a secret from me (after giving me a lecture about how we should never have secrets), and I don't know what else she is hiding. Everything just seems very confusing at this point. I feel angry at my wife for lying to me all these years for Ana. I also now see Ana differently. I am also worried that me trivializing the incident to my wife might have sent wrong signals to Ana.
Relevant Comments
Tundra-Queen8812: Ana needs to go before her own messed up issues lead her to further mess with your marriage. She was testing OP again with the hug and kiss on the cheek and I didn't see OP writing that he told his wife about that new development. She's gotta go before she pushes to the next level.

OOP: Yes. I am also a bit mad at myself for trying to casually describe the event as some of the redditors advised and not talk about the fact that she was in the room for a lot longer. I was worried that my wife would be pissed at me. Now I wish I told her all the details and did not make it sound trivial. My wife now trusts Ana and I am getting more uncomfortable.

OOP responds to multiple redditors on telling his wife about the hug and kiss

OOP: I agree with the hug and kiss part here. It is not uncommon for my wife's friends to kiss me on the cheek when they meet me. I am not from that culture, and initially used to make me uncomfortable. But, something about today morning with Ana waking up so early, coming down in her bed clothes and sitting with me rubbed me the wrong way. I am not able to point out exactly what, but she was acting differently (for a lack of better word, she looked happy for the first time since she moved into our place).
OOP: I have not told my wife yet. Things were a bit icy between us since yesterday as I am still upset at her for keeping secrets from me for all these years. I know its Ana's personal life, but I feel a bit betrayed that for all these years, she knew Ana was with a married man and never even mentioned it to me. We had a talk in the evening, and she apologized, but then we both dropped the subject and took our son to the playground as the weather was finally nice and had an amazing time.
However, I plan to tell her as soon as we both are alone at night. As I said in the comments, I do not think she will mind since it's not uncommon for her friends to give a quick peck on cheeks when saying hello. Infact, I was not comfortable with it at the start, and now am used to it. Her mom, cousins, friends, everyone kisses me. There are also weird rules, where married women like my wife just hug, but non-married friends give a kiss (unless you family). Also, only girls give a kiss, but men don't kiss girls on cheeks (I learned that the hard way). I am not Latino (Columbian to be exact) and may be someone who is familiar can explain the rules here so people who don't know the tradition won't misinterpret it as anything sexual.
Also, I never keep anything from my wife, and hence I felt so guilty about my actions over the last week. I am sure I will mention it to her before the end of the day.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Let me start by saying, I love the great men in my life. I used to be over-empathetic to men in school, even when they would instigate drama between girls because they couldn't decide which girl to shower affection on. I had girls bully me because their boyfriends liked me - and just like a cycle of toxic internalized misogyny - I would blame those girls without putting a single fault to the guy (it was both their fault but somehow the man was absolved of it every time).
My opinion on toxic girls was cemented when boys in my school made a 'boys locker room chat' about me. No one, including the boys who claimed to like me, confessed to me that they would talk extremely sexual and abhorrent stuff about me in that group. Apparently there were upskirt pictures of me circulating as well but I have never checked if there was any truth to this. But no one among them came to me and told me about this. Perhaps rage at being rejected or not even considered as a potential boyfriend? Or perhaps they never considered me as a human deserving of respect? I really don't know. It was only one boy, someone I used to look down on because he was extremely rebellious, who confessed to me about the group. He was never a part of it, or perhaps he was added very recently - nevertheless, I have nothing but respect for this boy - Mrinmoy, he is a gem.
Unfortunately, none of my female friends took my side - somehow they ended up justifying/ minimizing this incident to such an extent that I felt bad for crying/ tattling to the teacher. Luckily the teachers didn't slutshame me and put the entire blame on the boys. But according to me girl friends, "of course, you deserve being sexualized because you wrote their names on the blackboard for disrupting the class, of course, you deserve them holding a poll on the color of your undergarments cause you refuse to date them." It completely eroded my trust in friends and I believe their betrayal struck a far deeper nail into my chest than what the boys did. Somehow to overcome that, I ended up minimizing this incident and it burst the moment I left school. Perhaps it was my brain trying to tell me to bottle it up and see through school before understanding the depth of betrayal this incident actually was. No wonder I exited the group whatsapp chats, do not attend any meet-ups. They still believe I am a stuck up bitch, just like I believe they do not have any respect towards me.
All throughout the remaining years of my school, I was fed opinions others had of me, that I was too focused on my studies, that I was too uptight because I refused to date, that I was too intimidating and boys were scared to approach me. I was taught that my standards or my disinterest to date were wrong - repeatedly. To the extent that I decided to be over-friendly and have terribly low standards for friends when I went to college.
And this is where things changed a lot. I will attribute it to two specific incidents and I believe both are important.

1. My low standards and desperation to finally belong in a group made me befriend some of my male classmates. I ignored one of my classmate's obvious interest in me and when he proposed and later got rejected, I was shamed and bullied by that entire group of friends. It taught me that I was never someone they treated as a friend but only tolerated because their 'friend' was interested in me. Unfortunately again, some girls threw ghee to that fire despite knowing what happened to me - but fortunately, some didn't. Your girl finally had a friends group worth writing a book on - and they are all amazing women. Atleast I got something positive from this entire incident.
2. My brief gaming career as an unfortunate noob started when I was added to a messenger group of all boys. And unfortunately, there were more messages on them sexualizing their classmates than actual game talk. One of the guys there, with a girlfriend, was extremely attracted to a girl in our college - and the boys would always joke about it. And no, it wasn't a harmless crush but a full blown - her breasts, her back, saree and her stomach, masturbating to her - crush. That guy had a girlfriend in ISI, fucking smart and someone who was with him for several years. I couldn't hold it in me and told it to my friend and a common person we both knew. I never thought any of them had anything to do with the girl but that common person did and he bitched about it to the girl - but obviously with my complete name, department and social media. A couple examples of terrible men in this - seemingly loyal boyfriend who masturbates to another woman, his friends - single or not - who support and engage with him in it and a complete asshat who willingly dragged me into the drama. There are far more ways to tell a girl your boyfriend is emotionally cheating on you without saying a third party's name - I mean, I had 0 clue he knew that girl. Nevertheless, I was abused verbally and kicked out of the group - certainly do not mind because those boy's disgusted me. But it didn't achieve anything since the girlfriend blamed me and consoled her boyfriend. Honestly, they deserve each other - poor girl who was sexualized to every inch of her being by her abhorrent bf. These two incidents completely eroded my faith in men and many women of my generation.

The only reason why I am not a man-hater is because of the amazing men in my family + my great male friends that I made post college. Otherwise, sigh, my personal experiences hasn't exactly painted a good picture of them. My constant experiences of physical and verbal harassment on the streets haven't helped either.
I will really advice any young girl reading this, to please not fall into the cycle of internalized misogyny. No girl deserves being sexualized by men - either because she has high standards or because she wears short clothes or because she is outgoing. If your partne friends are such, please cut them out of your life.
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I don’t understand how someone can love so hard but hurt so much at the same time. Our relationship is extremely confusing.. She doesn’t respect my boundaries, for example, when I get triggered by her and tell her I’m triggered she’ll say “I don’t give a fuck about your triggers” (I have PTSD) and when I tell her to leave because I feel myself about to lose it she’ll stand there and say “this is my house” and just watch me have a panic attack. Sometimes she’d record me, and threaten to post it/show people so they can see “how I really am”. She also uses the people I love against me, another example is: she got mad I got up 10 minutes late, and she told me I couldn’t go to prom because of this and that my boyfriend will have wasted his money. She also hates on me a lot, like I got dressed up for national goth day and she said “I nationally don’t care” and said I needed to do better things. She’s told me I’m on the path to becoming a stripper and that I was acting like a “thot” (I was 12). I could go on for longer but I think you get the general idea. But the issue is that I do love her. She can be my best friend at times, honestly like she’s not always like that. I’m just so conflicted. The thing that made me write this was me relapsing on self harm because of her upsetting me again. I was over 100 days clean. I’m afraid I can’t heal if I’m around her because of her being mentally ill and traumatized herself. I know she loves me and cares about me so much she just acts so bad sometimes, I don’t get it. Idk what to do.

So long story, I started senior year of high expecting nothing but a cruise to an easy degree. Then, our teacher announced the design class (for tech school, a school I go to for part of the day as a version of electives, while taking normal classes at my hometown school) next door has too many kids and some are moving up into our class early. Now I want you to think of your ideal partner. What do they look like, what do they act like, does their hair curl, do they sing too loud in the car, do the twiddle their thumbs when they're nervous, every checklist you could have for a partner.
And who walks in but Mr. Perfect. Every. Single. Box. Ticked. I didn't realize it at the time, I was too busy focusing on my high school degree to realize anything besides a passing, "Eh, he's kinda cute." But the week after, we did presentations with a randomly assigned group partner for an introduction project. He got to see the entirety of mine, but since I didn't know I liked him at the time, I'm not sure if he was paying any attention
When it came his turn for the introduction presentation, I got pulled out of class for some event I can't remember and only saw the first third of his. It was about then that I realized the first signs of a crush were blooming.
I don't fall often, but I've fallen so horrendously disgustingly hard for two people before him that I can recognize the stages of my new crushes. Brief interest and a random nagging feeling, slight blushes and widening eyes out of curiosity, interest, realization, suppression, explosion into full daydreaming obsession, a long time of obsession-depression-acceptance while making no moves besides brief 10 seconds interactions, a creepy amount of staring glances, letting go.
It was I'd say about October when I realized I was already in too deep, I was stuck in crushing waters with no sight of shore. I've never been particularly social, I've struggled with chronic anxiety since the age of 6, along with a lifetime of severe untreated traumas that have left me lacking faith in humanity, but stubbornly optimistic.
It was basically that cycle, constant thoughts, staring, occasional 10 seconds interactions like "standing near each other, holding doors, thank yous and your welcomes, guiding him to whatever art material he needed, occasional glancing, staring way too much at him, way too much daydreaming, learning his last name from a glance at his log in screen, finding an old Instagram from 2021 about him run by a friend of his, buying the same brand of mints, dressing better, caring for my body more, trying to be more social"
I did get some moments here and there, nothing movie worthy but everything to me, it basically became a tradition for me to briefly hold and open the door for him whenever possible, drills, walking out of school, etc. Never waiting too long, just a simple "Thank you!" and "You're welcome.", except if it seemed like he was upset or the wait was too suspiciously long so I'd just open the door as much as possible and hope he'd catch it, or take out my phone and pretend to be texting, so it was "Mhm." instead of "You're welcome."
I eventually got the chance to choose or suggest my seat, so as requested by my teacher, I asked to sit next to him, she put me closer, but my back faces him and we're a row apart separated by giant Mac Monitors so I don't think he can see me either.
Luckily enough, I actually had a vague conversation with him. He's pretty good friends with a girl I sit next to, I'd say me and this girl are probably vague good acquaintances? She's described her and him as friends, but she has a boyfriend. Anyways they were talking about their embarrassing exes, I only caught the tail end and heard that he had one that was a little cuckoo, he was smiling at her but went quiet about it.
Later on I saw him playing this unknown shooter zombie game on the school Mac Monitor, he was talking about something with her, when I somehow got into a conversation with him. We discussed something about Nintendo and how Nintendo 3DS was such a good console for us. He's a quiet but cool kinda guy, so I was a little too excited and rambled about how I lost 3 different 3DS and a bunch of 3DS games too, once on a bus. He turned and gave me a brief eyebrow raise and curious smile from his game, and asked me about it again. So I continued to ramble until the bell rang and our conversation naturally fizzled out.
I can't remember exactly when, but some time after that we had another interaction. I wear giant headphones all the time, and he wears tiny air pods all the time. We were hanging examples of our monthly assignment for presentations like we always do. I hung mine first, the girl next to me didn't even know I was the one who hung it first, so this is what makes it so interesting. He ended up coming to me, airpods out, smiling, saw me with headphones on, and asked me where the frames we use to hang our projects are. I was so shocked that I just blandly said, “Oh, sure.” Led him to the frames, crouching down I opened the drawer and just went, “Here ya’ go.” I remember him having this dreamy smile on his face as he thanked me, but I was kinda obsessing over my work at the time and just mumbled agreement and went back to work. Yes, I did beat myself for basically the entire week after realizing how dumb I was.
Eventually, Valentine's Day rolls around. Our Marketing class swings by and tells us they're selling Valentine's gift deals. Unfortunately, I have a 20$ bill I've been meaning to get rid of, the highest gift deal is 20$, and a crush. Unfortunately, unlike all the other schools, they don't deliver it anomalously, you have to deliver it yourself. (In this modern world? In this economy?) So dumb me, I buy the deal. A handheld heart balloon wrapped in ribbon with a cute bear keychain. I type up a heartfelt letter, place it on the ground in front of his locker, he ignores the strange gift on the ground, and I miss him by a few lockers. The second no one was looking I threw out the note and scrambled the gift into my backpack. Still have it.
Now we get to this week.
I've been dressing better than I ever have, taking care of myself physically and mentally, happier than I've been since I was an ignorant elementary schooler, distant but amiable in conversation with classmates, not too friendly but way less aggressive than I was at the beginning. Unfortunately, I know I've dug my own grave and it's too late to dig myself out, because I can feel the rising heat of magma beneath me.
We ended up doing a project that I need an Exacto Knife for (kind of a very small box cutter used for precise cutting work). It was optional, but helped more with cutting out the images we needed. Especially me, because I needed some pixel art for my project that had a lot of sharp edges and hidden corners a scissor couldn't get too. Our teacher was super busy since it's the last week of school for most of us, so she was rushing from person to person doing important stuff and I didn't want to interrupt, but we can't use an Exacto Knife without her permission, hormonal teenagers with an unsupervised sharp object is rarely a good combination.
We were at the same table, him on one side, me on the opposite. It's a bigger table no one uses except for big projects like this where your original desk space just isn't enough. He was also using an Exacto Knife for his project to get clean edges. He ended up moving to the “gluing images” part of his assignment, but still had the Exacto Knife out, the good one too, the one I was using yesterday. I end up asking him for the knife, gently tapping on the table space next to him so as not to startle him. I may have made a little too much eye contact, but he was gentle and let me grab it. After quite a while, I gave it back, same gentle table tap, gentle thanks. It wasn't long after, a few minutes at most, that I realized I was once again having issues with the scissors, and would need it again. I came over again and asked. He was gentle, I suppose, maybe a little suspicious since a barely invisible classmate acquaintance was talking to him for the 3rd time in a matter of an hour or half. He just said, “Hey, why don't I sign the knife back in so you can sign it back out.” I was surprised, but agreed shyly, and we spent the rest of the class doing our projects and although I caught us locking eyes a few times, nothing more than that.
Anyways, that was a very long ramble, here's some details I couldn't include. I came out as a Trans guy at the start of the year before he came to the class, but I still dress and style very feminine since I live in a very conservative area with questionably supportive parents who don't know, only my Design class knows, because there's like 5 other Trans kids there. I assume he doesn't know me as anything, but my Trans-ness, but I don't know. He seems straight, ex-girlfriend and all. I mean he's snow white, most brilliant blue eyes, dirty blondish brown hair that is so fluffy and curly. He dresses SO well, I can only describe it as like, cool city kid grunge maybe if you took a Spencer's, Converse, and Vans store and threw a boy into a store combined with those three. My point to remind you that basically all the boys around me are stinky conservatives who don't know what a razor or shower is. This man cleans suspiciously good. There's a girl who sits next to him, I think right from his perspective, as the only thing to his left is the door in and out of the classroom. Ya’ know, the seat I wanted. They seem to be pretty good friends, I think. They only really talk when they need to, or mandatory group projects, but she's gotten way farther than I have in conversation with him, shared interests and everything. Know what's worse? We do this thing every year in my Design class called “Notes of Kindness,” essentially a relationship for platonic Valentine's Day cards. We get a random partner assigned and have to give them something encouraging about them specifically. Guess who I got? The girl that sits next to him. I noticed she was kinda shy and insecure at the time, so I gave her a self portrait showcasing her heart and something about kindness. Apparently it had a surprising effect on her, as she started dressing way better and talking more, to him specifically. Jealousy is stupid and I always quell that feeling as soon as it appears, but it does drive me crazy she turned into the girl I wanted so badly to be. His birthday is November 20th, he turned 18 last year in 2023. Scorpio with a 1 day cusp on Sagittarius. I'm Sun in 26° Pisces, cusp of Aries, Moon in 16° Libra, Rising in 29° Aries or Leo, Mercury in 16° Pisces, Venus in 9° Aquarius, Mars in 14° Gemini, Jupiter in 18° Scorpio, Saturn in 4° Leo, Ur@nu$ (avoiding censor I.G.) in 11° Pisces, Neptune in 18° Aquarius, Pluto in 26° Sagittarius, Chiron in Aquarius. I practice Tarot and watch Tarot videos, but unfortunately I'm kinda in this situation because of them. Blah blah blah focus on yourself, did that rocking it and enjoying it hard, blah blah blah he needs to do the same and confess to you but you also need to confess to him, but also he needs to do it. Just a lot of confusion with the online videos, and my guides really only answer me in a roundabout way that also just says focus on yourself. He also had a girl from the Photography class next door go, "My friend likes youuuuu!" and he straight up walked by her ignoring her completely because it was the end of the day
Anyways enough of my journalizing. TLDR: Dumb Trans fem guy fell for a probably straight guy and now has to confess to him on the last day of school before graduation but can't because he has chronic anxiety and needs a step by step 100% success plan for everything

Maybe people will say this isn't unpopular, but I'm assuming it's unpopular because at the very least I don't think this is commonly practiced for early dates. People usually seem shocked if "serious" questions come up early on.
I think it'd make dating a million times easier if people were honest about what kind of life they want to live, what they expect in a relationship, what they're not willing to tolerate in a relationship, etc. as soon as possible. I'm talking about the "uncomfortable" topics that people shy away from. Marriage, kids or no kids, religion, whether you would move for a job, you name it. Serious things that you wouldn't be willing to tolerate.
For example, it amazes me how some women might end up in a serious relationship, only to find out 4+ years later that her boyfriend has no intentions of marrying her while this is one of the things she wants most. How on earth does this happen? How did it never come up?
Some people may argue that it's bad to bring up the serious conversations early on because they don't know whether they like you yet, or if they're gonna vibe with you, etc. My question to that is, are you really gonna vibe with someone who you later find out you're hugely incompatible with? You might vibe for a while, but you'll be in for a rude awakening later. And at that point, you'd have to choose whether to have a messy split, or just settle.
EDIT: And by "dealbreaker" I'm talking about serious dealbreakers. Not breaking up with someone because they like a movie you hate or something petty like that. I'm aware lots of people have "icks" that are just ridiculous. I'm not talking about those.