Spare me the hater comments please. It’s truly not the case. Just hear me out: I have a dear friend of mine who is in the ultimate ideal lesbian relationship. (She’s femme presenting “bi” & her partner is masc lesbian.) QUOTES ARE THERE FOR A REASON. Now imagine Barbie & ole boy from sons of anarchy for reference.
My friend has only dated men prior, had a ball in college, very sexually free (w/ guys) & I always supported her through that since she was being safe. Unfortunately that comes with a price to pay that could leave one… emotionally unstable. To make a long story short she got tired of men dogging her out & had the stereotypical “Dating girls would be easier” manifestation. Thing is she never identified as bi, never was interested in women either… was simply tired of the neglect from men & wanted to be a spoiled sahgf/w.
I’ll save the spiel of bi/lesbian dynamics as that topic has been dragged, but she basically managed to bag a unicorn despite technically being straight. She literally verbalized to me she didn’t care what vessel the person came in, so long as she gets the lifestyle she wants. Which I guess makes her pan? But I won’t touch that either lol. Their dynamic is basically like the “fairytale” hetero dynamic, down to the gender roles white picket fence & dog. Her girlfriend is a stone top, touch me not & my friend is a pillow princess who never ate pussy not ever wants too. They’re literally perfect for one another & im so incredibly happy for her but also baffled. How does one get so lucky? Being a stay at home girlfriend to a badass rich woman is hitting the lesbian lottery in my eyes. I watched “The Fosters” & it clicked for me, I WANT THAT. (Or at least very similar, but customized for what’s feasible to my partner in terms of being a provider.) See I understand we all could have our perfect dynamic if we just had the hard conversations & agreed to what we wanted… but I can’t help but be sad for me? If that makes sense. As someone who was in the closet for years, struggled with comphet & finally accepted myself yet couldn’t find my dream relationship, it hurts seeing a “hetero” girl get it all while being straight passing to add insult to injury.
I think I’m mostly jelly bc She still doesn’t even call herself bi, let alone pan. (Her girlfriend is perfectly okay with this) so it’s truly none of my concern, I’m just venting.🥹 She’s doing wedding planning & im internally screaming. Life is so funny I swear, but I will say she is a true testimonial that manifestation works!!! … but results may vary.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway4500001
My [25M] girlfriend [26F] of 1.5 years keeps spreadsheets rating her sex life and relationships. Found them while working on her computer. Don't know if I should tell heask to see the previous guys' ratings.
Original Post Sept 12, 2014
My gf and I have been together for about a year and a half. She is amazing, intelligent, and caring. We don't live together, but we're considering moving in together in January when her lease is up. We pretty much spend all of our nights together though.
Anyway, I spent the night at her place last night, and ended up using her computer for work. This morning I needed to email the document I'd been working on last night to myself at work. I couldn't remember where I'd saved it, so I just searched the computer for any files with my name. Two pop up: one is the document I was working on before, and the other is an excel spreadsheet titled "Sex and Relationships." So...I opened it.
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From what I could tell, she has been keeping this spreadsheet since her first relationship (9 years). She has a tab for each sex partnerelationship, where she notes the dates of sex, rates the sex, notes what sex acts, and rates the relationship (not entirely sure what that means either). It was open on my tab, since I'm the most recent, so I read all of her sex/relationship ratings...and they start out pretty high (I think...don't know the scale), but have been getting lower over the past 2 months.
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It basically took all of my willpower, but I didn't look at the other guys' tabs. Thinking about seeing the other guys' sex acts column and the ratings just makes me sick to my stomach. So I just closed the spreadsheet, emailed myself my work document, and went to work. I've just been stewing since then, though, and becoming more and more insecure about the sex ratings. I'm so tempted to read the other guys' ratings, but I know that would be wrong as well as self-torture really. I already feel kind of shitty for reading even my tab, but at the same time, I'm kind of offended by the fact that she RATES our sex life and relationship, like it's just a performance eval at work or something. I don't know. Obviously something is wrong with our sex life, so I need to talk to her about that, but there haven't been any signs of that from my perspective, so she's probably going to realize I saw the spreadsheet if I randomly bring it up. So what do I do? Do I tell her what I saw? Am I overreacting by being a little angry about her rating me and our relationship? Also, isn't keeping track of your sex life to this extent kind of odd?
I haven't seen her since I found the spreadsheet. She had already left for work when I saw it.
--- tl;dr: GF rates all her relationships/sex partners. My sex ratings are getting lower. I don't know how to approach this with my gf, and I'm a little offended by even the concept of rating our relationship/me. I also keep thinking about the previous guys' ratings and getting insecure.
Edit: the document I emailed myself was my work file. Not her spreadsheet. I worded it weird.
RELEVANT COMMENT
RememberKoomValley

What, all the times you have sex? I mean, I've certainly made lists of past experiences when looking for patterns ("Am I dating the same kind of asshole again?") but not with a current relationship. That's pretty weird. Is she a generally mathematical sort of person?
Good for you, not looking at the other tabs. Don't. No good will come of it.
When is the last time the two of you sat down and had a discussion about how things are going? Do you do that with any regularity?

OOP

Yeah, as far as i can tell, every time we've had sex. Also, she very much is a mathematical person. She has a hard time opening up with emotions sometimes, but usually if I initiate a conversation about how she's feeling about something, she opens up. Last time we had a serious discussion was when we talked about moving in together. That was maybe a month or so ago? Definitely within the timeframe of when the sex ratings were already dropping, so idk what's up. Why would you want to move in with someone when you feel your sex life is not only poor, but getting worse? That makes no sense to me.
edit: I meant "poor" in relation to how she felt in the beginning of our relationship, since the ratings were getting lower for something like a month before our conversation about moving in together.

~
spreadsheets4life

Whoops! You replied at the exact second I decided to put this on a throwaway instead, in case my boyfriend finds my username ;) I'll just quote my old reply below I guess just in case.
Anyway, I think the ratings are a bit cold too but I can see how they might not feel cold to her. After all, she doesn't expect anyone else to read them, so to her they're just a kind of shorthand for all the complex thoughts she has about it but doesn't feel like writing down.
My previous reply:

For a second I was scared my boyfriend had found my spreadsheet. Except I don't do the ratings... that just seems cold. Also, difficult to quantify or keep consistent standards for. I do keep a color-coded spreadsheet of everyone I have ever had sex with, the dates of when we had sex, and sometimes notes on the experience, such as any factors that might have led to it being especially good one time. I also keep spreadsheets of: everything I eat on days when I take my adderall and when in the day I eat it; how many hours per day I program (color-coded by project), and how long it takes me to complete any one chunk of my project; how many social interactions I have per day and who I have them with (with automated script to send emails out to schedule meals if I've gone too long without seeing any one of a specific list of close friends); how many mL of water I drink over the course of the day and when I drink it. I am just the kind of personality that likes data, if that makes any sense. (I also fucking love doing my taxes.) It's the same kind of impulse that drives some people to journal every day, I just find it inefficient to write things down in sentences most of the time. Maybe your girlfriend is the same way, and the fact that she's keeping the sexcel spreadsheet doesn't mean anything other than that she's perhaps a bit odd and thinks it's funny or interesting. It doesn't seem like she is sharing the spreadsheet with anyone, which would be a real issue. What would you do if instead of a spreadsheet a microsoft word document containing her diary had popped up instead with diary entries about her thoughts on your sex life and relationship trajectory? Would you still feel offended that she is journaling her thoughts and feelings in a private place?
Personally, I think I would respect her privacy and not read the rest of the spreadsheet and maybe not even tell her that you saw it in the first place (she may get angry and embarrassed). I would try to have a general conversation with her about whether there is anything she wants to try in bed to make your sex life even better, etc.

Update Sept 15, 2014 (3 days later)
I thought I should update you guys. Thanks for all the advice. I decided to tell her about my snooping, despite the general consensus being that that would be foolish. My reasons for it were:

1. I felt bad about snooping.

​

1. I’m terrible at keeping things from people. It probably would’ve come out eventually, so I felt it was best to do it ASAP and in a planned/controlled manner.

​

1. I still didn’t feel comfortable about the ratings and wanted to understand why she does it and what it means to her. I love her, so I want to understand how her brain works.

​

1. I wanted to address the sexual issues in a straightforward manner. I know everyone was recommending I just do this organically, but we did a lot of that in the first few months of our relationship. I felt it would come off as odd if I suddenly started asking if she was okay/enjoying the stuff she’s been telling me she prefers for 1.5 years, and she would definitely ask me why I was concerned. Didn’t want to have to lie.

Here’s how it went:
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I didn’t end up talking to her Friday night because she was busy (exercise class with a friend). It ended up being a good thing, because I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. And like I said, I have a hard time hiding things, so she definitely would’ve known something was up. I just ruminated on the whole thing night Friday and finally decided I’d tell her.
​
So last night, I told her the whole story, and she knew where it was going pretty much, because she started covering her face when I said I searched for my name. When I explained that I only looked at my tab, though, she was really relieved. I apologized for even opening it in the first place, but she wasn’t really upset about that. She said that she understood the compulsion once I saw the title, she felt it was different from someone who goes out of their way to purposely snoop on their SO, and the fact that I told her instead of hiding it really helped. She said she was relieved I didn’t look at the other tabs, because that would’ve been a much bigger violation of privacy (and not just her privacy, but also the guys’ privacy) and definitely would’ve been an act of jealousy/insecurity rather than curiosity.
​
The whole time she was explaining this, I was just thinking THANK GOD I DIDN’T FUCKING OPEN THOSE OTHER TABS. Seriously, I am so fucking happy I did not look at those tabs. Cannot stress this enough. I almost fucked up my relationship a lot.
​
Anyway, as for the whole question of why she keeps track and what the ratings mean, spreadsheets4life was spot on. She just really likes keeping track of her own personal data. She has spreadsheets for her health (recording her weight, how energetic she feels, allergy symptoms, so on…) and even some completely silly ones like keeping track of how long her hair is. I told her I was worried since I saw the sex ratings were decreasing and I wanted to know what I should do differently. She said the ratings were about her personal enjoyment, not my performance.
​
Apparently, she’s gained a bit of weight over the past couple months, and she felt her own self-image was keeping her from enjoying sex as much. That’s why she joined a gym and decided to go to the exercise class this week. I was totally flabbergasted by this, because I honestly have not noticed the weight gain. I told her that, and she was basically like, you’re sweet but completely oblivious sometimes. I made sure to let her know that I think she’s gorgeous and sexy and has no reason to feel badly about her body. She said that’s all fine and good, but this was more about her internal validation than external validation.
​
She said this has happened before in previous relationships, and because of the spreadsheets, she was able to figure out the problem and fix it. I said I understood, but I’d really like it if she told me that she wasn’t enjoying sex as much, so I could help her. She said she hadn’t thought to tell me, because she was already taking steps to fix it. I asked her to please just tell me anyway. It’s not fun to have sex if the other person isn’t having fun too. I’m actually going to start making healthier foods for the two of us, since I suspect the weight gain is probably partially my fault since I love to cook and am always making comfort foods.
All in all, it went way better than I could have ever expected! She doesn’t think I’m a horrible sex partner, and I now know how I can help our sex life. She was a little concerned about me finding out about her spreadsheets though. Apparently a previous bf found out and freaked out and told her she was too cold and robotic. I said that now that I understand why she does it, I realize it’s not that unlike a diary (thank you to the people who made this comparison in the original thread! It really helped me). She was very happy to hear that.
Sorry this update took so long. It was a busy weekend, and my gf had some data she needed help gathering
--- tl;dr: I told her. She wasn’t too upset about the snooping, she explained the sex ratings were more about her than about me, and we’re going to work on being healthier together so her self-image can be back where it was before.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Previous case
Victor hadn't been kidding when he'd said that the mechanic was going to become more aggressive. The only reason why this week wasn't my last was because I'd had Orion behind me as well as a plethora of precautions in place.
(If you're not familiar with what Orion Pest Control's services are, it may help to start here.)
For example, at Orion, all employees are advised to get lockboxes for their mail rather than regular mailboxes. It would be far too easy for a Neighbor to follow one of us home and fish out a piece of mail to find our names. This is only recommended for people who've had frequent or unpleasant interactions with the Neighbors.
You could also ward off your mailbox with iron. Salt, as always, would work as well, but I'm sure your mailman wouldn't appreciate getting seasoned every time he simply tries to give you your junk mail.
When it comes to monetary transactions, cash or pre-loaded debit cards are the safest, unless you can be certain beyond a reasonable doubt that the person ringing you out is human.
Another precaution that I've taken when it comes to the mechanic is that I've bought a cast iron fire poker from an antique store. Iron is one of the most effective weapons against the Neighbors, though it's best to think of it as an allergy rather than a perfect repellant. Some Neighbors will crumple instantly if they're within a few feet of it while others need direct contact in order to cause anything worse than hive-covered burns.
Given that the mechanic must have frequent exposure to iron during his daytime profession, I have to wonder how effective it is against him. I do see him wearing gloves from time to time, so it must do something, even if it's a minor skin irritation. Either it's a pride thing or he's just that committed to the ‘mechanic’ bit.
I've been keeping the poker in the company truck. Even if it's not lethal to him, I’m sure that getting smacked over the head with it probably wouldn't feel too good. Along with that, I've restocked my salt shells. If the mechanic decides to try anything, he'll have an arsenal waiting for him.
I don't have any delusions about being able to kill him. I think that's something only a true hero could accomplish. I'm talking about legendary individuals like Cú Chullainn, Beowulf, or Māui. People whose deeds are so great that their stories live on to this day. Find someone like that in the modern age. (Though, I would argue that Marc-André Fluery comes close. Flyers fans, don't interact.)
Reyna suggested bathing the hagstone in saltwater to amplify its deterring effects. She also wrapped red thread along the outside of the ring, explaining that it should help enhance its protective properties.
It's a good thing, too. Since my last interaction with the mechanic, promptly at dusk, I would hear the beating of wings outside, and always from the west. I risked a glance out the window one night to find a murder of crows. Ever since I saw that the birds’ shadows move independently of their owners, I don't look at them. I ignore their calls. I know who they serve.
After Reyna's additions, the hagstone vibrates against my chest whenever they're near.
However, in my case, these were only temporary solutions, unless I wanted to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and fearing death even more than I did before. But in the meantime… raccoons.
A client called about hearing scratching and chattering in her attic. Her uninvited guest also put a hole in her siding. In other words, it was enough of a mess to momentarily distract me from my own problems.
Raccoons are incredibly destructive, chewing up anything that they can get their little hands on. From the client's description, it sounded like we could be dealing with a nest. Mother raccoons can be especially feisty when it comes to protecting their young, so I had Reyna join me in case there were any kits.
At Orion, we are licensed to use humane trapping methods on smaller wildlife, so don't worry, no garbage kitties are being harmed. Though I want yinz to know that raccoons are not to be underestimated. They may not try to take your soul, like some pests out there will, but they can spread a variety of diseases, including rabies and roundworm among others. They also present a major fire hazard when they claw their way into a home since they can chew through wiring like nothing.
The first thing we had to do was identify the garbage kitties’ entry point. Reyna opted to go on the roof while I investigated the attic.
The first thing I noticed was the telltale stench of dried urine. Yup, those were droppings over there in the corner. Delightful. Looking around, I found that the raccoons had torn out a few chunks of the insulation, but nothing that wouldn't be too difficult or expensive to replace. All in all, it seemed like it'd be an easy call.
Then I felt the hagstone begin to tremble. Not long after, Reyna screamed.
I rushed out, my heart surging with panic as I was greeted with the frenzied calls of crows. Shit! They followed me.
She was on the ground, swinging her silver-tipped knife clumsily against the swarm of black feathers swirling around her. I heard her cry out again as I got closer to her, then suddenly, the cloud of feathers dispersed, twisting towards the sky with a cacophony of angered caws. Reyna had managed to get some salt on them before they could gouge her eyes out.
My hand was coated with blood as I guided Reyna towards the house. She'd managed to keep her eyes, but they’d shredded her with their beaks and talons. I could feel her shaking as we retreated from the horde. Reyna tried to hide it, but she was crying, the tears mingling with the blood covering her nose and cheeks like a bandit's mask.
The whole time, the hagstone didn't stop vibrating. I think that was the only thing keeping the horde from coming after us. Their calls were piercing as we took cover in the house.
The client was alarmed when she saw the state Reyna was in, “What psycho ass raccoons do I have?!”
I promised I'd explain later (I honestly don't remember what bullshit story I gave her) then asked her to watch over Reyna as I went out to get the emergency first aid kit we keep in the truck.
Reyna held me in a grip so tight that it left bruises, pleading, “Don't go out there! Please!”
Now that we weren't on the run, I could see the injuries on her face more clearly. The deepest one went through her right eyebrow towards the bridge of her nose. The rest were shallow, painful-looking cuts that criss crossed over her skin.
“They can't come near me. And I’ve got something in the truck that’ll make them think twice.” I assured her.
She didn't let go. I couldn't find it in me to pry her fingers off, so instead, I put my hand over hers, hoping that it was comforting.
The client gently pressed a paper towel to the side of Reyna’s face, her voice heart-achingly motherly as she uttered, “It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be alright.”
I'm not sure if it was from pain or something else, but Reyna noticeably stiffened when the client spoke to her in that maternal tone, closing her eyes as if to keep more tears from falling. Her clutch loosened until my wrist was freed, her hand dropping limply to her side.
The fucking birds sounded like they were laughing when I marched out to the truck. The sound grated on me as I snatched the fire poker and the first aid kit.
“Laugh at this!” I snapped as I swung the poker at the nearest crow.
It let out a squeal as the poker grazed its wing, hopping as far out of reach as it could afterwards. They didn't cackle after that.
After we cleaned Reyna's injuries up, they didn't look quite as terrible, but just to be safe, I dragged her to the hospital. Thankfully, the client was an absolute angel about the whole thing and understood that one of our employees being injured was going to be a setback. I called up Victor to inform him of the situation as well as the entry points that we’d found; he took over where Reyna and I left off.
On the way to the hospital, Reyna muttered, “So… does my little Alfred Hitchcock moment initiate me as an official Orion employee?”
Wearily, I gave her a small chuckle, “Yeah, you're one of us, now. Lucky you!”
“Hey, I’ll take the murder birds over Psycho Mantis.” She replied with a small smile.
Her nickname for the mechanic. I think it's from a video game. I don't know. Never quite got into them.
It was quiet for a moment. The smile faded away as she distantly said, “I think that's how they do it. They take your eyes, they take you, you know?”
I nodded, feeling a lump in the back of my throat, thinking about how the mechanic can control someone just by meeting their gaze. “I think you might be right about that.”
I couldn't help but wonder if the Hunt had attacked her simply because she's an Orion employee or if they were drawn to her because of something else. Was she grieving over something? I didn't know her well enough at that point to be able to tell. They hadn't hesitated to go for her eyes. If that was the case, that'd make her the most vulnerable of the three of us.
Another thing I want yinz to know when it comes to dealing with the atypical: if you or a loved one has been harmed, one of the best things you can do is to support the victim. And if you need support yourself, ignore that stupid little voice in your head that tells you not to bother anyone and reach out. Isolation will destroy you in more ways than one.
After I got Reyna settled at the hospital, I made a beeline to the river to find another hagstone. Clearly, Reyna was going to need one, too.
Naturally, the stupid birds followed me, causing my hagstone to quiver nonstop. I went into the woods armed with my toolbelt and the iron poker. I opted out of taking the shotgun simply because I was going to need a free hand to look for another hagstone. There was a part of me that hoped that one of them would try something so that I'd have the opportunity to smack the shit out of them.
While I was searching, among the crows’ calls, I heard whispers. They sounded close, like they came from behind some brush about twenty feet away, but I believed the False Egg when it said that the whispering thing likes to confuse its victims. Without listening to what they were saying, I glanced around as the river's cold water rushed around my boots, trying to figure out what was stalking me.
The whispers pretended to move further away. But still, I couldn't see the thing causing them. I clutched the poker tighter. The crows had stopped their chattering. They heard the voices, too. Hold on. What were they all looking at?
Gingerly, I pulled out the hagstone and held it to my eye in the direction of the crows' gazes. At first, it looked like one of the trees, until I was able to make out a triangular head with eyes the size of basketballs. It held up two massive, folded appendages that were lined with sharp spines. It looked to be as tall as a draft horse, yet it was so still that I couldn't even tell if this huge animal was breathing. The whispers were quieter than they'd ever been before.
Those huge eyes were fixed on me. I didn’t dare move.
One of the ‘crows’ glided to the ground near to the whispering thing, passing in front of my field of view. I stifled a shudder when I saw the state of its frail, humanoid body. Its skin clung like molten wax to its ribs and spine. Tattered wings extended from the sides of its torso, the feathers looking as if they were ripped from numerous other avians and fused to the miserable animal's stretched, contorted arms to make it fly. Where the eyes should have been were empty sockets. A curved beak had been forced onto the creature as well, driven into the skull hard enough to leave ridged, fleshy lumps.
Now that I've seen it, I think the crows were human, once. Transformed and disfigured to serve the Wild Hunt.
The crow shuffled a little too close to the whispering thing. Quicker than a blink, the whispering thing's folded appendage shot forward, curving around the crow's midsection, spikes driving into the crow's torso. My mind could barely keep up as the whispering thing then bit the crow's head clean off with a terrible crunch.
The other crows began to frenzy, shrieking as they dove towards the whispering thing. Without having to take a step, it snatched another crow out of the air. Flesh ripped with a wet tearing sound.
Since the animals were all focused on each other, I took the opportunity to dig frantically around for a hagstone, holding my own against my eye in the hopes it would lead me to another one.
There was a low hum that I felt more than heard. Deep within my chest, as if I was standing next to an amp at a concert. This was followed by an enraged screech from one of the crows. Still, I kept looking.
There had to be one. There just had to be!
One circular, black rock stood out among the rest, the water seeming to outline it from the view of my hagstone. There! I plucked it out of the water, looking over my shoulder to see if either the crows or the whispering thing were paying attention to me. They were too engrossed with trying to tear each other apart.
I shoved the black hagstone into my pocket and made a break for it, poker at the ready. One of the crows noticed and let out an ear-splitting cry to alert the others.
As I ran, I checked back to see that three of the crows split off to pursue me. I wasn't worried about them catching me. The whispering thing was another matter. This was only my second time encountering it and I hadn't had enough information to identify it, so I didn't want to find out the hard way if the defenses I had on me would be enough to stop it from tearing me apart like it did the crows.
There was another low hum that rumbled against my ribs as the whispering thing used one of its forelegs to swipe a crow out of its way. It had lost interest in them, its huge amber eyes focused on me once again. I prayed that the crows swarming around it would be enough to slow it down.
As I raced through the trees back to where the company truck waited, the whispers started anew. They became louder and clearer the faster I went, interrupted by the shrill cries of the crows tailing me. I did my best not to listen to any of them. The last thing I needed was to get led astray by any of my pursuers.
A crow swooped close enough for me to smack it with the poker. The sound the bird made when the iron scalded its skin made my teeth clench. The others joined it, bringing me to my knees, my ears ringing. High pitched, grating, like broken glass against a chalkboard. Disoriented, I swung desperately with the iron poker again, not hitting anything.
And among all that, the whispers hadn't stopped. My head rang, ears going numb. I swung again. One of the shrieks stopped as the poker found its mark. Even as the auditory assault continued, I got to my feet, grabbing the trees closest to me to keep myself going. The whispers became even more frantic as its prey got further and further away. The truck was right there.
The two crows tailing me had finally stopped their dreadful screaming and simmered down to furious clicking sounds with their beaks, as if they could think of nothing but stripping the flesh from my bones.
When one tested the limits of the hagstone as I got close to the truck, I swatted at it with the poker, the tip colliding with the creature's skull. The crow’s body crashed against an oak’s trunk, then went still.
As soon as I cleared the treeline, the whispering stopped. I looked over my shoulder. The whispering thing was retreating, only visible for a brief moment before blending in among the trees.
It couldn't leave the forest. That was good to know.
I closed myself into the truck, leaving the furious crows outside. They glared at me from the branches of a nearby oak. After taking a moment to collect myself, I drove back to the hospital, wanting to hand the black hagstone off to Reyna before anything else.
At a stop sign, I got a text from Victor: he had finished setting traps for the client's raccoon infestation and was going to meet me at the hospital.
Reyna was chilling in her hospital bed, face bandaged, wearing a hideous blue hospital gown decorated with faded green and pink squares.
“Guess who got her rabies shots!” She announced with a sleepy grin, holding her hand up in a shaka.
Someone was clearly given the good painkillers.
Victor arrived a few minutes later, wearing a black mask that covered his mouth and nose, smelling strongly of lavender. It made my nose itch.
“Why do you smell like an old lady?” I complained.
The mask intensified his withering stare, voice muffled by the mask, “Lotta blood around here. Probably wouldn't be too good if I smelled it.”
Reyna chimed in, slurring slightly, “If you're gonna eat anyone, go for the receptionist. He was reading Anne Rice, so he'd probably be into it.”
It was Reyna's turn to get The Glare. He said flatly, “You're high as a kite, aren't you?”
Reyna flashed a peace sign.
To summarize Reyna's condition, she's as okay as she can be. They had to close up her eyebrow and cheek, and they gave her a plethora of shots to make sure that she didn't catch any diseases from the crows. The hospital doctor wanted to keep her overnight to make sure that she didn't have an infection, then afterwards, she was going to take some time off of work to recover.
Also, I slipped the black hagstone into her purse so that it wouldn't be misplaced.
After we discussed Reyna's injuries, I decided to address the elephant in the room, “So… what can we do about the mechanic?”
Reyna shrugged, “Grovel and plead for our lives?”
Victor rubbed his eyes. “We might be a bit past that point.”
I asked Victor about the specifics of his deal with the mechanic. I knew that there had to be some sort of condition that had to be fulfilled before the mechanic could take someone, otherwise I probably wouldn't be alive to type this right now. Reyna was equally curious.
The boss seemed reluctant to speak on this matter, at first. I told Victor that he didn't have to share anything if there was any possibility of retaliation. The last thing I wanted was for him to be punished in some horrific manner for trying to help me.
He eventually shrugged a shoulder in resignation, “Whatever happens, I can handle it. It didn't take him long to figure out that I was the one that helped you find the hagstone. That wasn't pleasant, but…” He went quiet for a second, his eyes glazing in a way that reminded me of when I first came home from active duty. He then shrugged again, “I'm willing to risk it if that means getting a chance to hurt him back someday. Lord knows it's been a long time coming.”
He didn't tell us what the consequences had been for assisting me, and neither Reyna nor I pressed the issue. Some mysteries are best left unsolved.
Even though I was nervous to hear the answer, I didn't pull any punches and straight up asked, “Why hasn't the mechanic sent you after me yet?”
Victor considered for a moment, then explained, “I'm not sure on the specifics, since the mechanic doesn’t tell me anything other than what I need to know to get the job done. But from what I can tell, he takes those who are dead, dying, or… ‘dead inside,’ I guess is the best way to put it. Some souls appear to be harder for him to take than others. The hard ones need to be… broken down first. As of right now, he says you're not ready.”
Reyna numbly asked, “So if the birds tried to nab me, does that mean that I am ‘ready’? That they could take me at any moment?”
Victor hesitated before replying, “We won't let that happen. Alright?”
Reyna nodded, eyes low.
I wanted to ask her what was going on. Figure out why she was suffering in a way that made her fair game to the crows. But she'd been through enough for one day. That discussion could wait for another time.
My next question was another one that I dreaded the answer to, “And where do you come into all of this, Vic?”
Regretfully, Victor admitted, “I bring him the ones that are ready if he can't get to them himself.”
He glanced at Reyna, “As of right now, keep that hagstone on at all times. Even wear it when you're sleeping. The mechanic didn't know who you were initially, but I guarantee the fucking Lessers tipped him off. I think he’s more focused on Nessa, at the moment, but if I get sent after you, hit me with iron, salt me, do whatever and don't feel bad about it. Same goes for you, Nessa.”
I hated this. I hated that he was being used like this. I hated that he spoke about someday being sent to drag one of us to meet our fate at the hands of the Wild Hunt as if it was unavoidable.
The air suddenly felt like it was much thinner in the room. Somehow, I got enough oxygen to ask, “What if I learned the mechanic's true name? Would that end this?”
Victor let out a soft scoff, rubbing the bridge of his nose over his mask, “Probably, but good luck with that.”
I had already figured that the mechanic wouldn't dance around a fire singing his true name all willy nilly like Rumpelstiltskin. But I couldn't accept that all of us were screwed. There had to be a way. I had to believe that there was a way.
I announced that I'd be back in the morning. Reyna looked as concerned as her painkillers would allow, while Victor jumped out of his seat.
“What are you going to do?” He demanded.
“I'm going to talk to him.” I replied. “One of us is in the hospital and another one of us is undead-”
“I know it's looking bad right now, but they can easily get worse if whatever you're thinking of doing goes south.” He cautioned.
“I'm just going to see if there's some way I can… I don't know, talk him down? I haven't gotten that far yet, but something needs to be done.”
He didn't look convinced, and with how terrible my argument was, I don't blame him. “I'll go with you.”
I motioned towards Reyna. “And leave her alone?”
Reyna, looking like she was fighting sleep, groggily said, “I got the adder stone and I'm in public. I'll be fine. If you're going to confront Psycho Mantis, you're going to need Vic around more than I will.”
Victor agreed, “Like it or not, you're not handling this alone. Remember what I told you when you got hired in?”
We're not heroes, we're pest control specialists.
You know that thing I said about not isolating yourself? I can be bad about not following my own advice sometimes, especially that one.
Going forward, I do want to note that the decisions that were made on that night were extremely risky and I don't recommend for anyone to repeat them. Believe it or not, we are professionals.
On our way to our destination, we stopped by the 24-hr convenience store. Victor was about to question me until he saw me go for the whipped cream. I also got s'mores supplies, thinking that maybe some bribery would make the mechanic more amiable. I figured that if he rejected them then, hey, I like s'mores, too.
Afterwards, we followed the path to the skull trees.
During our hike, Victor whispered, “That fucker is hubris incarnate, but he's not stupid. If he offers you a deal, know that it's not going to be in your favor. And be careful with the way that he twists words.”
Something noteworthy is that the hagstone doesn't react to Victor. I think it's because he doesn't have the same malicious intentions as his captors. He may have changed after his murder (hell, anyone would) but at his heart, he was still Victor. Meanwhile, as we got closer to the skull tree clearing, I felt the stone gradually begin to quake.
Up ahead, orange light flickered. The mechanic had a small fire going. He lay on a blanket next to it, that cursed banjo on the ground beside him, one arm folded under his head, legs crossed at the ankle. His eyes were closed.
He didn't open them as he greeted us, “I was wondering when you two would show up.”
Keeping my nerves buried beneath the surface, I held up the bag of sugary goodness. “I'm here to negotiate.”
He laughed, still not looking at me. “Are you, now? And what exactly do you think a little thing of cream will get ya?”
“Not much, I imagine.” I said evenly. “But I thought it'd be a good jumping off point.”
Even though I’d originally protested Victor coming with me, I was glad that he was there. I don't think I would've been able to be so level-headed if I'd met with the mechanic alone. It would probably be interpreted as a sign of weakness, but I was counting on that.
As soon as I saw the mechanic begin to crane his neck towards us, I slammed my eyelids shut. He knew way more about me than I'd ever wanted him to know already, and I was afraid of giving him more.
Again, another potential sign of weakness. When it came to trying to get him to back off of Orion a bit, I figured it'd be best if he underestimated me.
I didn't have to see the mechanic to know that he had that wicked grin on his face, “Alrighty. Let's see what you've got.”
A hand that was as cold as the grave gently removed the bag of goodies from my grasp. Victor. Wordlessly, he brought the cavity-inducing offering over to the mechanic. I never realized how quiet his footsteps were until then. He moved like a shadow. He could've been five feet away or five hundred, for all I knew.
There was the rustling of plastic, followed by the trademark sound of whipped cream being sprayed from the nozzle. Sounding slightly less prick-ish, the mechanic told me I had his attention.
I had been trying to find the magic words that would make this whole situation blow over. Nothing that I came up with in my head fit that description.
So I decided to be straight forward, then go from there. “What will it take to de-escalate things between you and Orion?”
The whipped cream wailed once again. A moment later, the mechanic replied, “Why are you asking a question that you already know the answer to?”
“Other than my soul.”
He chuckled softly, the sound too casual and charming for this sinister discussion.
“You know, I’m curious, puppydog,” Fabric rustled. Without looking, I assumed he'd sat up, “Which o’ your parents are you most like?”
Here we fucking go.
I tried to redirect him, “With all due respect, that isn't relevant.”
“Oh, but it is.” His tone of voice brought chills to the back of my neck. “You see, I'd be willing to take a trade. Find a soul as mouth-waterin’ as yours, and all this goes away. Hell, I might even let you rest in peace! You know what choice your father would pick.”
I was hoping that the firelight wouldn't be enough for him to see my face flush and my jaw stiffen. That had touched a nerve, just as he knew it would.
That was also a horrible deal. One that I wouldn't even consider. There was no way that I could condemn someone else to an afterlife of torment. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even that weasel-faced client that I rescued the False Egg from. Not even my father.
Swallowing back the plethora of terrible emotions threatening to bubble up, I suddenly felt Victor subtly squeeze my shoulder supportively. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't hesitate to give anyone who insulted his employees a piece of his mind, but the mechanic was the last Neighbor to mouth off to. That was the best he could do for me, in the moment.
When I informed the mechanic that I wouldn't sacrifice someone else to save my own skin, he laughed again, “If only you knew how many times I heard those exact words! Thing is, I ain't even got started on you, pup. Given enough time, you might find you're more like your old man than you thought.”
I took a deep breath to keep the mixture of dread and anger confined to my chest, then calmly replied, “Sounds like you know exactly how everything will play out. Isn't that boring for you?”
The tension that filled the air after those words left my mouth made my chest feel tight.
The whipped cream can wheezed thoughtfully before the mechanic mildly admitted, “A bit, yeah.”
There it is.
“You already have all of the advantages,” I started, “It’s not much of a hunt if your prey can't even run, is it? There's no challenge in killing something that's already baited and trapped.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
Oh boy. I was about to do one of many things I warned yinz not to do: “The only way I can bring you the excitement you're craving is if I have a fighting chance. And a good one. I'll be searching for your name, but I need to know where to look first.”
His laughter made me suppress a shudder. I remember thinking that I should've known that he'd see through my words like he saw through everything else.
The mechanic then said, “I know what you're trying to do, pup. But the problem is, you're right! It's too easy anymore, especially since y'alls names are just available on the internet for anyone to find. I've been getting kind of soft lately.”
This was his soft side?
The mechanic continued, “You really think you can pull this off, pup? I know you're a fighter and all, but you're not a warrior, not really. Being a soldier ain't the same thing.”
“I may not be Cú Chullainn, but I'm as close as you're going to get in Mercer County. We've got a bit of a warrior shortage around here.”
He snorted, “You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who can't even look at me.”
“I'm not sure about anything. That's why I'm here, isn't it?”
It was quiet for a moment with only the frogs chirping in the forest able to find their voices. Not even the whipped cream broke up the silence this time. I was tempted to risk peeking through my eyelashes, but managed to resist.
Just as my nerves started getting to me, the mechanic said, “So, you want me to give you a hint. That's a lot to ask, but you knew that already.”
“You want something in return.”
“Hagstone. Smash it.”
No way. It was too valuable. If I gave that up, I was dead. I promptly shook my head.
He sounded amused. “Shoulda known you wouldn't fall for that.”
Looking back, I wondered how many he'd tricked like that. Giving up some form of protection after being misled into thinking the mechanic was going to let them go, only to regret it seconds later. Probably far too many.
He continued, “Alright then, we'll talk for real. I'll give you that hint, but I got some conditions. You get three chances to guess correctly. Each time you guess wrong, you have to give me one of your names starting with your first, middle, then last name. Don't try fucking with me by trying to pass your middle name off as your first.”
That made my throat tighten even more. If I agreed to that, failure wouldn't just spell disaster for me, but for everyone I knew as well. I'd be dragging my mom and anyone else associated down with me. I'd essentially be doing what he already requested: sacrificing others to save my own skin.
I heard Victor faintly, from my right, “Don't!”
The mechanic wasn't pleased, “This ain't about you, blue eyes. This is between me and her.”
The stakes were getting way too high. I couldn't do this. But then what? The Hunt wasn't going to wait around for me to find another way, assuming that there even was one. Victor clearly thought it was a terrible idea. For the record, I did, too. I could feel the boss' eyes on me, willing me not to forget what he'd said earlier about dangerous heroics.
Maybe there was another way and I just couldn't see it. But desperation has a way of messing with your head.
“If I agreed to this,” I started, knowing that I was probably digging my grave even deeper. “And I haven't agreed to anything. just to be clear. If I did this, I'd need the assurance that you won't send your crows or hounds or any others that serve the Wild Hunt after those that I care about. That includes my colleagues and me, for that matter. Like you said, this is between us two.”
The mechanic chuckled and I heard him shift again. “You're feeling awfully bold tonight, aren't you?”
I reminded him, “You want this to be interesting, don't you?”
He considered, then with a click of his tongue replied, “You hear that, blue eyes? Means you, as well. On both sides, mind you. Same with that witch doctor. Yeah, I know about her. I keep mine out of it, if you keep yours out. All's fair, right?”
I didn't feel right with any of this, but the alternative was for things to continue as they were. If that happened, we were all screwed anyway.
“And if I agreed, the hint that you provide will have to be both true and helpful. And it'll also be given in easily understandable American English, no riddles or puzzles or any other forms of confusing phrasing. You’d also have to give it to me tonight. The whole thing would begin after that.”
Once again, he laughed, “Shit, you're not messin' around!”
I know how the Neighbors do deals. If I hadn't mentioned it, he probably would've given me the hint in the form of a riddle spoken in backwards Gaelic.
“Alright, pup, I get the picture. You know what you're dealing with. I’ll play nice.”
His voice had a subtle sardonic edge. Nothing about this was going to be nice, if I chose to go this route, but that wasn't news.
“Oh, and one more thing!” The mechanic added a little too cheerfully. “You have until Samhain. I’m sure you know why.”
It's June already; still a good while away from October, but this year feels like it’s flying by fast, like every other year following 2020. He didn't have to explain why: the Wild Hunt are at their most powerful during Samhain, which for those who don't know, was a Celtic holiday that eventually gave birth to Halloween. It's when the veil between the atypical world and ours is thinnest.
In short, it's a busy day for Orion. Looks like it’s going to be even worse this year.
Victor spoke again, “Can I talk to her for a moment?”
“Nope. You don't get a say. Either she takes it or leaves it.” The mechanic answered curtly.
As I deliberated, there were subtle taps on a tree nearby. Hold on. Morse code. M-I-S-S-I-N-G. What was I missing? Maybe it was because I hadn't clearly spelled out what I wanted to happen if I correctly guessed the mechanic's identity.
“If I accept this bet, then if I find your name, you’ll relinquish your claim on my soul, as well as all other Orion employees, whether they're living, dead, or undead. Have I made that clear?”
After a moment, the mechanic answered, the smirk blatant in his voice, “You have now.”
Of course. It was so simple. If I had gone through with the deal without being specific about the outcome, the mechanic wouldn't have been obliged to release any of us. I would've done all the work to identify him for nothing. Tricky bastard.
Thanks, Victor.
With a heavy sigh, I politely asked the mechanic to repeat everything that we'd just discussed to make sure that he wasn't going to conveniently forget something. To my surprise, he did it without comment, though he sounded like he thought the whole thing was funny. He left nothing out.
When I say that agreeing to this deal was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I mean it.
I instantly had second thoughts the moment I heard the mechanic stand up and cheerfully say, “Well, you ready for that hint? You’re gonna wanna open your eyes for this. I can show you better than I can tell you.”
Oh God, I made a mistake! No. I could do this. I had to.
Black cherries. He was in front of me. Steeling myself, I opened my eyes. The mechanic stood as close as the hagstone would allow, a dark silhouette in front of the crackling flames.
“Blue eyes, would you mind holding puppydog’s hagstone for her? Wouldn't want that gettin’ lost, now, would we?”
What?!
“Don’t get all frantic, I can’t do shit to you until you get your hint, per our agreement,” The mechanic said dismissively as Victor approached me. “You’ll get it back after.”
Victor looked apologetic as he gently removed the most powerful defense I had. He had an odd glint in his eye. Was that defiance?
I’ll get you out of this, Vic. I promise.
The very moment that he was able to, the mechanic grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
A church surrounded by black water… A great feast of viscera and wildflowers… Black thorns drinking the blood of the unworthy… The great antlered headdress of the White Son of Mist… Pricking his finger on those horns… He signed in blood…
Victor pulled me back, not giving the mechanic even a picosecond to take full advantage of being outside of the hagstone’s influence. If he hadn't been holding me up, I would've been on the ground, still recovering from what I'd just seen.
“You find that ledger, you find me.” The mechanic said coolly.
That church. It reminded me of something. In the morning, I’m going to check our records. For now, I just want to crash. I'll keep yinz updated.
On the bright side, there weren't any crows waiting for me when I got home.
(Here's an index of all the cases I've discussed so far.)

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aita-vaseline in amitheasshole
trigger warnings: masturbation
mood spoilers: funny?
 
AITA for telling my MIL why I have vaseline next to my bed? - Wed May 1 2024
Hello, sorry for the new account, I don't want this associate with my other account.
Okay, so, my MIL! Or actually I will start with my wife "Tara". Tara is lovely and wonderful. Tara also escaped from her little midwestern hometown and ran to the coast the absolute moment that she could, and I am pretty sure her mom took that personally. (her mom was born and raised in and around that small town)
So my MIL. She is emotionally immature. Tara read that one book about immature adult parents and she finally understood her family dynamic in a way she never did before. MIL is not a bad or evil person, she usually means very well, but she's kind of, I don't know how to put it, self-centered? Like her first thought process is always "how do I feel about this new information".
Tara and I bought a little starter home last year (fuck interest rates but we're hoping they come down and we can refinance, the place was too good to pass up) and her MIL invited herself over last week. This is something that is extremely on brand for her, and we like to pick our battles in this family, so we just let her.
Her mom (who again is not terrible, just has bad emotional regulation and boundaries) shows up and drops her stuff in the spare room and just immediately starts giving herself the tour. Again, whatever, we actually hired a cleaner before she arrived so we wouldn't worry, annoying but that's life.
So she's wandering around and comes to our bedroom. I have a jumbo sized tub of generic vaseline next to my bed because I use a nose CPAP and my lips get chapped so she picks it up and makes this really weird face and says, almost direct quote, "well I know what THIS is for!" And I respond, "oh that's for chapped lips, I don't jerk off with vaseline."
Apparently my timing was good because my wife laughed but my MIL did not laugh at all. Then for the next three days she kept asking me ARE YOU GONNA BE GROSS AGAIN when I tried to make normal conversation. I said over and over that she was the one who made the joke and her response was always "yeah but that was a JOKE!" like what I said was totally serious? And I guess it was, I mean, I was telling the truth, but I was only bantering because she started it. I didn't even invite her into our bedroom.
Anyways she brought it up over text to Tara and there is subtle pressure from her to just apologize, but I don't think I did anything wrong. AITA?
Comments:
robospammm

NTA. She was the one who first insinuated it was for sex. You just said it out loud.
She's got the dirty mind....

OOP

so her argument is that it was innuendo and mine was just stating words out loud. I think this might be a cultural thing too maybe idk, I have gotten in the doghouse in this family before for being too direct?

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slackerchic

NTA, she tried to make you blush but then gets mad because you made her blush is what this basically boils down to. The next time she says something about it I would just be like "omg how much do you think about this ONE comment??? The fact that it seems to be at the absolute forefront of your mind is making me almost as uncomfortable as the original "joke". Can we just bury this entire incident?"

OOP

yeah I think I might have been more direct than she's used to.
I am mostly worried about my wife, who gets to be the middleperson here. She finds it harder to set boundaries with her mother, I would gladly tell my MIL to just stop and go away if she wants to talk about it.
thank you for context

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mamblepamble

NTA. I read that book. My mom does this. She wants you uncomfortable so she has the upper hand to step on your boundaries and make you feel dirty. She was going to weaponize your reaction that entire trip if you had one and bring up the tub of Vaseline to get a reaction at every chance she got. You took that power away, turned the tables and didn’t give her the reaction she wanted (embarrassment) and now she’s pissy because you embarrassed her, she can’t take it, and she has no emotional power over the situation.
Let her be pissy. Fuck around and find out.

OOP

I mean, context, she does this with Tara a lot, which is why Tara upped sticks at the first opportunity.
when you put it that way... it seems really bad though...

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Update to the MIL vaseline post - Wed May 22 2024
Amitheasshole wasn't interested, probably because it is boring:
I took the advice of a couple people in the original thread and I talked to my wife about (1) what happened while her mom was there and (2) how we would manage similar situations going forward. I think the commenters were mostly right, and that my MIL was using what i said as a cudgel to get "the upper hand" (I don't know how else to put that) in conversations.
We talked it out and agreed that we would let it go, but if she brought it up again, or if she tried something similar again, we would present a united front and we would refuse to engage with her, I guess, "attention-seeking" behavior? Again I find this all weird and don't know how to really talk about it or phrase it.
Well, you can probably guess what happened.
She was on the phone with her mom just catching up and her mom brought up me being "gross" again. I wasn't on the call or anything but I could hear her in the other room. For context, Tara finds it very hard to set boundaries with her mom because her mom will just not let some stuff go. She will just keep bringing it up and talking about how bad she felt, or WHY would she do X or Y, etc etc.
Honestly I am so proud of her for what she did: she hung the fuck up! She said "mom we're not gonna talk about that anymore" and then "mom, we're moving on" and then I just hear her phone get set down on the bedside table. I walked in to check and she had this great little "defiant" face on, like she was proud of herself too.
I hope that the little rush she got from saying no to her mom is encouraging to her going forward! Thanks to the commenters and thanks to the person who DMed me the TikTok about my post lol
 

Like if you had to pick one (or more than one, if you have a few like I do) to put on a t shirt or get a tattoo of, what would be your top character quote from the whole series? I feel like there’s so many quotable lines, some deep and some just funny. My favorite is probably Nate’s “You can’t take a picture of this, it’s already gone.”

7th: Ami Cusack 1.0 (Vanuatu - 6th)

queen shit
u/SMC0629:
Ami is easily one of the best villains the show has ever seen, and her time on Vanuatu is super important. From the swap to the final 8, she practically controls the entire game, seeming to be unstoppable. Her strategy and charm make her super entertaining to watch, but her downfall is just as good at the hands of Scout and Twila. Easily one of the best characters in Vanuatu, so happy she made endgame.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
I don’t think I can even do a small little short write-up like this on Ami and give her the justice she deserves. She is in contention for being the most complex character of all time, with her balancing out being probably one of the most empathetic people Survivor has ever cast while simultaneously playing one of the most ice-cold games the show has ever seen. Ami’s ability to turn off her heart and completely snow someone in the most ruthless way possible is second to nobody.
There is something truly beautiful watching this force grow and develop into the de facto leader of the Yasur all women’s tribe and become essentially a Queen that ended up taking herself out of the game; her biggest mistake ended up being a brief, fleeting moment of empathy that she had never displayed prior, and it makes all the more impactful to see that of all things lead to her end. Combine that with the grandness of Leann’s blindside the round prior to her own and Scout’s voting confessional for her, and you essentially are left with possibly the most dynamic vote-out in Survivor history, bar none.
My Dad is someone who barely remembers any Survivor seasons after they finish airing, but Vanuatu is one of the few he remembers. And while it probably helps that both my Mom and I are obsessed with the season, it probably also is mainly because of Ami, who just struck a real deep image in him as probably one of the most intimidating villains the show has ever produced. I think that’s probably my biggest takeaway regarding her and why she feels so important to me; if you watched Vanuatu, you should just simply know how amazing she is. God, how in the literal fuck is someone like her not even the best character on her season? Vanuatu truly is one of the most top-heavy, blessed seasons the show has ever produced.
Overall Rank – 10/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
Ah yes, the ice queen and star of Vanuatu. She’s a spectacular addition to an already incredible cast and the season wouldn’t have half the soul and complexity without her.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Ami’s the Ice Queen! Her leadership role on Vanuatu is just perfect, and her downfall at the hands of Chris, Twila, Eliza, and Scout is told so eloquently that you don’t hate Ami but you also understand why she’s being voted out. Now is Ami the most entertaining presence? No, but her role and story is just something not replicated by anybody else ever and it just makes it something so special.
~
u/ninjedi1:
What can I say about Ami that isn't going to be said already? As much as I hate the term with how often it's used for almost every survivor woman, Ami really the mother of Yasur, as she cares about all the women on it, showing her more caring side, but she can also show her claws when the men show up, ready to take them out as well. However, it's that personality and clashes with the other women that lead to her downfall, and it's overall a more unique and interesting villain story compared to others.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Ami Cusack (Vanuatu, 6/18)
One of my favorite pieces of symbolism that occurs in Vanuatu is the motif of Ami stabbing coconuts with a pike. How can a story get any more perfect than that? And just like Bubba, just like Lisa, just like Rory, just like Sarge, just like Chad… each person gets their coconut on the pike. One at a time, one is frozen, iced out, and taken to the curb. The ruthless gameplay of Ami instantly becomes a classic aspect of her character. But, it’s the contexts behind her character that lead her to be such an exquisite character. One is her abundant feminism on the season, and how she advocates so hard for women's power, only to be destroyed by the existing fractures of the Yasur tribe. One is her kind-hearted soul, as we see countless times throughout the season, perfectly contradicting her ruthless nature. One is her brother watching over her, which leads to her vitriolic reaction against Twila swearing on her son’s life. One is her being the first lesbian (tied only with Scout) in the series who makes it to the stage where she can have a loved one run out to see her. The culmination of these character traits leads to a character that quickly becomes a legend, with some of the most intense complexity the show has ever seen, and much-needed representation the show needed.
Ami’s story on Vanuatu is a beautiful crescendo that depicts a rise to power and a fall from grace. Ami was in good on the tribe, had maintained a fantastic position, and was the mafia boss in the game, threatened by anyone who said her name, and eliminated thereby after. But the morality of Ami is what makes her so interesting. Ami is driven and determined, but her heart of gold shines through constantly. Her competitive streak came out on Survivor, but through her relationships, personal contexts, and incredible characterization, we get one of the most interesting villains in the history of the show and someone with a downfall that feels earned. It’s tragic, the way she’s eliminated, but the cockiness and arrogance she gets are incredible.
Undeniably, Ami’s story is wrapped around the concept of gender in Survivor. Her most important confessional explaining this fact is also her first confessional. At the ceremony at the beginning of the season, the women are put aside while the men are celebrated. Ami then states that she is not used to being put behind a man. At this point, the switch in Ami is already turned, and when the tribes are confirmed to be separated, Ami becomes a leading voice for feminism and keeps them together until the end. Adamant to create and maintain the first stable all-girls alliance, Ami’s determination becomes clear.
Even at the beginning, Ami is understood to be the one around camp, celebrating their gender, rather than tearing it down. She’s the leading voice against the men and beating them at the challenges. She is expressive toward Twila’s behavior on camp and becomes defensive when Twila states that she does not respect women who go around camp and just play with their hair all day (ask for your hair to be French braided!). She’s the first person to run up to Dolly when she breaks down. At first, during the pre-swap, Ami’s behavior is streamlined to supporting the women in the tribe, even if the cracks are already formulating quickly in the Yasur tribe, whether it is the division of women from young (+ Lisa) vs. old, or Twila and Mia’s behaviors further separating the two groups.
Preswap Ami shows her morals in the game - she deeply wants an all-women’s alliance to work, and there are clear good motivations for why she wants it to - it has never happened on Survivor from that point, and the culture expressed early by the Vanuatuans in the island made her volcano erupt and her determination set ablaze.
However, Ami’s motivations quickly begin to change, and that’s the moment that she comes into contact with the men. Yasur 2.0 has some new additions to the tribe, seen with Rory and Bubba, and that’s when Ami’s vitriol and desire to keep the women together becomes more harsh and unwelcoming than previously. Let’s start with Bubba and his ousting. Throughout the game, Bubba has been described as someone who is a well-meaning man who is out there for one reason - his family. His character is proven constantly to be a positive attribute of the tribe, and Lopevi 2.0 would have been shocked if it was him over Rory. But the issue is that Bubba gave a signal to Chris, leading to his spiral in the game.
Ami, at this point, is livid, and this is the most aggressive that we’ve seen her in the game. Immediately, the moniker “ice queen” becomes evident because after Bubba does that, there is 0 hope for him to reenter the good graces in Ami’s game. Ami doesn’t even need the extra 8 hours after the challenge to mull over the vote - it’s Bubba, full stop, and she doesn’t really have to do any more convincing. A man was going to go home anyway, so why even bother changing the vote around all day? Bubba’s boot represents the potential threat of the men making their leeway in the game, and the moment that signal goes off is when Ami gets lit up and she begins to play individually, in the best efforts to save the women’s tribe.
Or, so we think. It isn’t until the next episode, that we truly see Ami’s vision of the all-women tribe start to fall apart, with the leading domino - Lisa. I’ve mentioned before in this rankdown that I find Lisa to be an underrated character, just because of how integral she is to demonstrating Ami’s determination and no-nonsense attitude in the game. Lisa at the get-go was determined as untrustworthy because of her swing vote nature between the younger and older women on the tribe, and Ami’s loyalty and trust in her was already teetering on a thin line. It wasn’t until Lisa had a massive slip of the tongue, though, that her game imploded, and Ami again, iced out Lisa.
Lisa, asking Ami where the manioc is, in case something… happens to her, set off alarm bells within Ami, even if it was a clear slip, Freudian or not. With Lisa’s vote, we understand that the women’s alliance, while nice in concept, ultimately does not mean much down the line when Ami is threatened. Ami’s paranoia reaches an all-time high in this episode, and another switch is flipped when we see that she also understands that Survivor is an individualistic game at points, with the collectivist attitude allowing her to get to the end by helping her out when necessary. Lisa’s (and Bubba’s) vote also represents the beginning of the entitled Ami that we see and know throughout the season. She still talks about the women’s alliance with big eyes, but she comes cocky at this point, realizing that she is able to take people so easily out with her alliance and leadership role. The irony of Lisa’s vote, too, is that Lisa was a loyal soldier to Ami, even despite her previous behaviors before. We might never know what happened to the later portion of the game, but I can bet you that Lisa might have been more willing to keep Leann in the game and vote Eliza out. The shortsightedness with Lisa's vote is Ami’s game-losing move because her perception is changed, she loses a number, and the aura of Ami’s determination in the game becomes clear.
However, one character sees right through the bullshit of Ami, and how her ego is taking over her brain. Rory, the gruff crabass on the side who is doing anything to survive the little world of women on his tribe immediately clocks Ami for her behavior, and her brutal honesty about her wanting to keep the women together until the end becomes evident. Rory’s understanding that Ami is leading the vote him because he is a man, pisses Rory off, and he goes ablaze with the camp and Ami. Several slingshots later, Yasur skirts by tribal, but the merge is when the Ami vs. Rory relationship shines. Rory, fearing for his life in the game, is completely iced out by Ami, yet again, because of his gender. She wants to vote out all the men in quick succession and believes that the process should be easy and done.
But over Rory’s dead body will he go out without swinging. As soon as the other men come to the camp, Rory leaks Ami’s sour behavior toward him at the camp, and her complete cockiness and arrogance are evident as the women’s alliance becomes more and more true. Rory running around and throwing out that Ami is a massive threat in the game is important because it puts people on edge, and the other players begin to see what Ami is, even despite the misconstruals - she is a shrewd player who is potentially using the women’s alliance as protection for herself as the game goes on further. Scout, Twila, all the men, and Eliza at some point begin to see through Ami’s behavior in the game and realize that she is the kingpin in the tribe.
However, people continue to fall in line because Ami’s ice froze over the men at that point. Rory becomes the quick sacrificial lamb for their tribe, especially given Twila’s connection to the other men. Lea is a dead man walking following Twila’s fear against him lying to him. Chad… well Chad is a man, so sadly he needs to go. Ami (and Twila) are the leaders against the men, with Ami’s context being that she needs the men out as soon as possible and doing anything in her power to do anything for it.
This is why Ami’s next vote is so peculiar - she doesn’t go for Chris, she goes for Eliza. The moment Ami takes her eyes off the prize, she implodes and her closest ally, Leann, is immediately stabbed in the back by Twila, Scout, Eliza, and Chris. Her deviation seems peculiar when given how she played the game throughout the season - she wants the women to win, yet Eliza becomes so annoying it becomes obvious that Ami is a people pleaser at the end of the day. She wanted to help Twila and Scout by getting out Eliza, and yet they used that against her. Ami was ultimately never an ice queen, but she wanted to do what was best for the others around her, and ultimately her judgment in this moment was a negative.
Leann and Ami have an interesting relationship on the show too. I rewatched Vanuatu for this writeup, and Leann impressed me the most from the season. She has a tenderness quiet about her that I found to be really interesting because it actively went against Ami’s larger-than-life personality of being a freeing person. I loved Ami’s strategy in the season, where she was actively using a personal love language with being a touchy person with others around her, and the juxtaposition of the more reserved Leann leads to a power duo between them where one is based around their quietness and the other is drawing people in through comforting people with physical touch.
Following Leann’s final tribal council, Ami’s shining moment was the following episode where we see the catty side of Ami fly out, as she expertly tries to maintain herself into the game. In this episode, we see Ami’s vulnerability at an all time high. Ami has never been on the bottom of the game at this point, and the position is terrifying for her because she is a control freak, for lack of a better term. We see Ami have a lot of emotions in the episode - anger and bitterness toward Twila and Scout. Love and admiration for Julie and Eliza. Desperation to maintain in the game, and her ambitions at an all time high. The performance in her boot is one of the episode, and the emotional climax of her ousting is devasting in a lot of senses, even when Ami was treated as a villain. It shows the complexities of her character and how, even though we are not rooting for her, she is still a tragic figure.
Three important relationships exist within her boot episode, being Eliza, Scout, and Twila. With Eliza, we see her play her like a fiddle and attempt to get her to switch sides to keep Ami in the game. I love how Ami is brutally honest with Eliza because she was one of the leading voices to keep her in the game after awhile. Eliza is an annoying personality, but they always forged a big sistelittle sister, and I think Ami’s constant working on Eliza at the reward was really important characterization that shows her personal nature in the game. But at the same time, Eliza is aware of her position in the game, and I think while she was portrayed as a swing vote but knew that Ami was the ultimate threat. Eliza talking about how much she loves Ami at the end of the episode however, and their tears at the end was beautiful.
With Scout, we see her nasty side come out, which is especially strange given their initial perceptions of Scout and how she was seen as the wiser woman on the tribe. Ami was a person who perpetuated that belief with Scout, but as the episode went on she began to see through the ultimate bullshitter on the island, Scout. Ami yelling at Scout to put down her blanket was a great scene, but it was really their dualing voting confessionals. Ami basically saying that she was not apart of any rainbow she’s ever seen and Scout referring that Ami was arrogant with lightning striking the highest point was some beautiful characterization between the two.
But the relationship with Twila is the centralizing moment for Ami. Something that I have glossed over during this writeup was the death of her younger brother. That was depicted during the incredible reward with coffee and Rory earlier in the season, but we learn that Ami is guided by her brother in sky, who is looking down on her from above. The characterization of that seems random at first, but we learn how it fits into the story the moment that Twila swore on her son’s life when she offered to stay in the group with Leann and Ami, and then turned around and voted her that not. Ami’s vitriol following that tribal felt earned because she was genuinely hurt by Twila swearing on something so serious. Twila was not proud of what she did, but she had to do it to stay in the game, at least by her ways of thinking. Twila is a great character because she seemingly overthinks aspects of the social strategy in the game, but this time, the consequences were severe.
I loved their fight in the following episode because you can see Ami’s heartbreak. Ami blames Twila for getting pulled into their vacuum of nastiness, but also continually calls her a disgusting human being for swearing on her son and making that mistake. With Ami, it is a personal moment, and Twila’s flippancy with life and death actually has a severe negative consequence with her. It’s a great characterizing scene, one of the best fights of the season, and helps embellish both of them.
Twila and Ami culminate to an incredible jury speech in a sea of fantastic moments from the final tribal council of Vanuatu. With Ami, she needs to know about the lying and why Chris and Twila relied on it so much during their time on the Fire Islands. She wants them to refute the lying, but she also needs to know why she didnt have what it takes to make it to the end. I love what Chris says here, saying that she has too soft of a heart (the ice queen was just the exterior), but it was Twila’s response where Twila was playing the game in anyway possible, and that meant doing anything, even those idea that are considered unsavory. Twila’s answer of “a little colder, a little meaner. I wear my emotions on my sleeve” was an incredible moment for both characters, and I think there was a massive sense of closure between the two characters.
But it’s the fact that Ami respected Twila enough, and her answer, that we get her being the only other vote for Twila at this moment besides Scout. I think there are a lot of reasons for why Ami voted for her. It shows her kindness toward other characters and how ultimately the ice queen exterior can be melted. It demonstrates that she ultimately was pro feminism the entire time, and even with Twila, someone she detested at the end, she still supported that narrative, and her goals were not fake at all. And, at the end of the day, Ami’s narrative still supported that. I love that she ultimately reaffirmed her goals during the season, and it’s yet another layer in her complex character.
Unarguably, Ami has one of the greatest stories in the history of Survivor. There was a conciseness with Ami, where she was not overexposed on the beach, but her downfall felt well-planned, and her relationships were defined inciredibly with a sense of nastiness, love, and anger that blended into a set of emotional and pecuilar relationships. Her emotional, kind attitude created a unique villain that might never be replicated on Survivor again and the complexities of her brother, relationships, ice queen and harsh strategy, created a character that was a rolling amount of fun, intensity, and someone with a downfall that had everyone seated.
My last note on Ami is that she is a great confessionalist and can be quite funny at times. Vanuatu is filled with a lot of fantastic confessionals (and also ones where Chris belittles women again and again, ZING!), but Ami had a few that really stuck out to me. One was the great Michael Jordan one with Bubba, where she mentions that Michael Jordan would never talk to the other team. Another was about Scout in her slash and burn episode, mentioning that Scout put cayenne pepper down her pants and she is ready to DANCE! And lastly, one of my favorite quotes on Vanuatu was when Eliza matched the grapefruits in the memory challenges, and Ami so seductively yells “nice grapefruits!” No random moment makes me laugh harder than that one.
I was a little nervous when I got Ami’s writeup (she was last picked, lol), but I really am glad that I was able to experience Vanuatu again and watch it more from Ami’s perspective. Previously, I did it from other people, like Chris the first time, and Twila the next, but with Ami, we understand her villain arc so well because it is rooted in her real life contexts. Before writing this, she was already top 10, but at this point I am even considering moving her higher. Slay Vanuatu tho!
SMC0629: 8
DryBonesKing: 9
Zanthosus: 4
Tommyroxs45: 10
Regnisyak1: 9
DavidW1208: 19
ninjedi1: 10
Average Placement: 9.857
Total Points: 69
Standard Deviation: 4.525 (8th Lowest)

Thank you for all the great mail!
~~
u/ninajyang Thank you for the California card! I love the playful illustration design. ☀️
u/iheartcitrus Thanks for the Texas card. Yay for April 25th! 🎥
u/t3ctim Thank you for the Mr. Rogers quote postcard! I loved the decorations too. 🦔
u/babyburkhart Thank you for the great rescueverary card! Sending love to Mr. Waffles. 🧇
u/littlemermaidxx Thank you for the "moss" color pallet! Reminds me of a Pantone. And I love these funny stickers! 🐞
u/unseenbowl Thanks for the sprintime-y card! Hope your allergies are doing better! 🌸
u/Orangewolpertinger Thanks for this beautiful art card! I appreciated the extra stickers too. 🎨
u/soxgal Thanks for sharing this great quote! I love the color of the card & envelope. 💚

As the title implies, I'm supposed to be helping to make a 'Bluey' (well, Bandit) themed Father's Day card, but I have no idea what to put inside. Does anyone here have any ideas for quotes or Bluey-themed messages to put inside?
ETA: The card is meant for my father from myself and my three siblings (mid-20s to 2 years old, very long story). My goal was to come up with something funny to put in it, but my mind is blank.

People often come here to ask similar titles that are somewhat reminiscent of Hollow Knight (aka metroidvanias), so while you can just browse this category on Steam, I have a personal list of games that I'm interested in or that I have played.
There are very well known titles in this list and others not so much.
Some are out, some are not.
Some share a lot with HK, some not so much.
Hopefully this will put some light on literal gems that are scattered around.

--- DISCLAIMERS ---

1. Nothing will be more Hollow Knight than Hollow Knight itself, don't come here hoping for something too similar.
2. If you go check the games on Steam, don't forget, after checking the more popular reviews, to sort them to the most recent ones (go under "Customer Reviews" > Display as > Recent) ; otherwise you can have reviews that are criticizing the game in question for bugs / balance issues that have been fixed since then.
3. If you go check games on Steam, don't forget that most of the negative reviews talking about games being too hard are usually massive skill issues. This is literally the first time I'm using this term, as everyone as their own skill set and time that they can allow themselves to become better at a game, but I've seen some baffling comments on perfectly reasonable games regarding the difficulty. When it comes to whether it is hard or not, go make your own opinion. Usually if a game is really leaning towards a steeper learning curve, it is known.
4. I'm not here to argue with people whether or not X or Y is too distant from HK. This list won't change and get fewer titles because you don't like them. However, feel free to add more in the comment that people can check. Maybe I'll update this list in the future to add some of them.
5. This is the legend I'll use :

neutral — doesn't mean that the game is uninteresting or not good. It's just not something I'm not personally dying to play as of right now. Or maybe that's something we don't have enough infos on.
bold — those are games that are either more fully-fledged, that I think will be good, or that I know are good.
*\* — you should definitely check out these titles.
italic — I sprinkled this list with a few favorites of mine that may or may not be like HK, but if they aren't, it'll be noted.
​
This "categorization" is to my discretion only, while my opinion is the best, it doesn't mean I'm right (but I am). Feel free to not pay attention to it (your loss).
​
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
​
Let's start and make exceptions for those 5 titles : *Silksong\, **Crowsworn***, Gleamlight, Deviator and Lotus Knight.
The first one is more than obvious as why I won't put it in the list, and the second one will probably be the best HK-like title there will be for a long time, and one that is even somewhat endorsed by Team Cherry as well.
And I'm only mentioning the other three because they got some rather negative attention and are so-called HK-clones. While we don't know much yet about Deviator and Lotus Knight, Gleamlight is confirmed to be a rather poor game with very little soul in it. Regarding the other two, no matter what people will say, if they're good, everyone will shut up about "stealing" stuff and will most likely play them, and if they suck they'll get buried instantly by the community for hopefully good reasons.

Without further ado :

================================ # ================================
8Doors
================================ A ================================
Afterimage
*Akatori\*
Aleya's Ascent
Altered Alma
*Animal Well\* (recent "Overwhelmingly Positive" title, more accent on Puzzle and Exploration than combat)
Aquaria (2008, underwater)
Astalon
*Astra : Fading Stars\*
Axiom Verge 1
Axiom Verge 2 (eeh. more exploration based than anything, story less cryptic though)
================================ B ================================
B.i.o.t.a (vania-ish)
*Being and Becoming\*
Biomorph
Bio-Gun (should maybe be bold)
Blasphemous 1 & 2 (hated the first one, sadly, but putting it here still)
Blue Fire (3D)
*Bo : Path of the Teal Lotus\*
Bushiden
================================ C ================================
*Castlevania : Symphony of the Night\* (aka "SotN" ; the granddaddy of them all)
Bloodstained : Ritual of the Night (spiritual follow-up of *SotN\*, it's close enough from the "B" category)
*Castlevania : Aria of Sorrow\*
Castlevania series (pretty much all other GBA & DS titles, I won't list them all here)
Cave Story+ (one very early indie title, praised and praised for years, careful as I believe the Steam edition of it is not the best IIRC, check the reviews thoroughly)
Celeste (not a vania, just an awesome 2D game, Path of Pain is just a long Celeste level)
Ceplion
Chiaroscuro
*Constance\*
Cosmic : A Journey Among Shadows
Crypt Custodian
Cuphead (not a vania, just an awesome 2D game)
================================ D ================================
Dandara (unconventional mouvement)
Death's Gambit (this game was mixed / mostly positive for the longest time, but now it's "very positive" hopefully the issues were addressed. It is referenced and looks more like a souls-like than a vania)
Dead Cells (hardly a vania, just an awesome 2D game)
Doomblade (unconventional mouvement)
Duil
Dust: An Elysian Tail
================================ E ================================
Earthblade (by the creators of Celeste)
*Ender Lilies\*
*Ender Magnolia\*
Emberbane
Elypse (not a vania, hard platformer)
*Exil\* (not on Steam, google it, very HK looking)
Exorcist Fairy
Faerie Afterlight
================================ F ================================
Fallen Tear : The Ascension
Fez (not a vania, just an awesome 2D puzzle game)
Forged In Shadow Torch
Foregone (very *Dead Cells\*, probably not as good, hardly a vania as well)
================================ G ================================
Gato Roboto
Gedda Cake
*Gestalt : Steam and Cinder\* (I have been waiting this godforsaken game for years now)
Ghost Knight : A Dark Tale (not a vania, just looks good and promising, platformer)
Ghost Song
GigaSword
Glimmer in Mirror
Greak : Memories of Azur
Grime 1 & 2
Guacamelee! 1 & 2 (still haven't played these)
================================ H ================================
*Haak\*
*Haiku the Robot\*
Heart Forth, Alicia
================================ I ================================
Iconoclasts (very well-polished game, story heavy)
Infernax
Islets (really liked this game albeit a rather easy one, good humor. From the creator of Crypt Custodian)
================================ K ================================
Katana Zero (not a vania)
Kunai
================================ L ================================
Laika : Aged Through Blood (vania on a bike !)
*Last Vanguard\*
Lone Fungus (this is a heavy mechanics based-game)
Lost Ruins (apparently not a vania, very anime girls)
*Lucid\*
================================ M ================================
Metroid (the daddy of the granddaddy them all)
*Super Metroid\* (the son and better daddy of the grandda... what ? I know it starts with a "S", bite me)
*Metroid Dread\* (apparently very linear for a vania but also very good)
Mandragora
Minoria (very anime girls)
*Mira and the Legend of the Djinns\*
Moadra (Metroid Dread vibe)
Momodora III (you apparently don't have to play I & II as they're old Flash games IIRC)
Momodora (IV) : Reverie Under The Moonlight (very anime girls games)
Momodora (V) : Moonlit Farewell (but all "very positive" on Steam)
Monsterboy
Monster Sanctuary (metroidvania + pokemon, really appreciated title)
Moonscars
================================ N ================================
*Nara : Facing Fire\*
Neon Fusion
Neon Moon
*Nine Sols\* (the game I'm the most impatient to play as of date, just got released)
Noreya : The Gold Project
================================ O ================================
Oirbo
Ori and the Blind Forest (everything is good but the button mashing combat, and it has no bosses)
*Ori and the Will of the Wisps\* (not a hard game but a truly amazing one nonetheless, it's just fun, everything got improved)
Outer Wilds (nothing to do with HK, just an amazing game, go in fully blind)
================================ P ================================
Phoenotopia : Awakening
*Plague Huntress\* (not on Steam ; SotN wannabe)
*Prince of Persia : The Lost Crown\*
Pronty (underwater)
================================ R ================================
Rain World (not a HK-like, nor a vania, and this is known to be very hard, but people keep mentioning it around here so it musts be golden once you get the hang of it)
Redo!
Rebel Transmute (Metroid-inspired)
Record of Lodoss War
Rogue Legacy 2 (amazing roguelike, no need to play the first one)
Rubi : The Wayward Mira (don't know how much of a vania this will be)
*Rune Fencer Illyia\*
================================ S ================================
Sak'd
Salt & Sanctuary (
Savior (don't know how much of a vania this will be)
Sekiro (souls territory, this one is biased since it's the game I'm currently grinding, it has little to do with HK aside from bosses you want to go at over and over, a great story, and even "pantheons"
Shantae Series (idk there are a dozen of them)
Sheepo (from the creator of Crypt Custodian & Islets)
Shovel Knight : Treasure Trove (a household indie title for a reason, game + DLCs are super good)
Shyftrs (wish we could see more)
Silent Santicado
Souldiers (game had difficulty issues which were apparently fixed, looks great though)
Souno's Curse (probably won't be a vania)
Super Daryl Deluxe (this looks like an... interesting journey)
Super Mombo Quest
Sundered : Eldritch Edition
*Symphonia\* (not a vania, but this looks fantastic)
================================ T ================================
*Tales of Kenzera : ZAU\* (it has a few issues apparently, but if you're done with *Ori WotW\* and want more, maybe this is it)
The Last Case of Benedict Fox
The Last Faith (I'd bold this one if people didn't compare it to Blasphemous... I'll have to see for myself)
The Messenger (hardly a vania but such an excellent game, little enemies variety but it doesn't matter, plus humor is great)
*The Siege and the Sandfox\* (I have been waiting this godforsaken game for years now, this and *Gestalt\* sparked my OCD to look for the next indie gem and make a list with over 500 entries (I know I won't play them all lol))
The Swordfish : Knight of the Deep (underwater funny one)
The Witch & The 66 Mushrooms (very short)
Through the Nightmares (probably won't be a vania but it looks good, platformer)
Timespinner 1 & 2 (SotN inspired)
Touhou Luna Nights (somewhere in the bagilion Touhou games that exist, this one is really liked and is a vania, very anime girls)
Transiruby (short game but is apparently good)
Trinity Fusion (not a vania ; more of a *Dead Cells\* / Forgone type of title)
Turbo Kid (just like Laika : Aged Through Blood, vania on a bike !)
\Tunic\** (my second favorite game ever, go in fully blind, an amazing craftmanship of a game and a love letter to 90's video games era)
Twilight Monk (looks promising, 2025)
================================ U ================================
*Ultros\*
Unworthy
================================ V ================================
Vernal Edge
*Voidwrought\* (the closest thing to *Crowsworn\*, looks as good, hype is real)
================================ W ================================
Wenjia
Worldless (turn-based but looks great)
================================ Y ================================
Yoku's Island Express (yes this is a vania, that being said, that's pretty much all the similarity shares with HK)
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
​
"Thats all Folks !"

Hi, any idea for a gift for someone leaving workplace (29F)? Just a small token to show appreciation for their work

I think this image is super funny I've been quoting it alot lol. Anyways it doesn't help I did it over recent yeet that just barely healed, my cells I am so sorry for ruining your hard work :(

My love,
My whole life I dreamed of this all consuming love. I wanted a person who I could love fearlessly and ferociously. Forever them and me against the world. Besties. Growing old but staying silly.
My home life was not great. My parents fought non stop when home but were almost never home. They were bar owners working 24/7. I took care of my baby brother. Fend for myself and vowed never to be with a man who would be so cruel and selfish as my cheating dad.
I met my person, or so I thought. 13 years of bliss. He was my person. His family and friends became mine and I felt so loved. I felt like being home. Like finally I had arrived. I was so happy. I felt that my hard work to study, work, become a good person and partner finally paid off.
I believed he would never leave me because what we had was pure and real and I would have died to protect this man. He was my world. He told me I was the love of his life. Perfect in every way. I woke up to him staring lovingly at me. My life was a fairy tale.
Sadly history repeats itself. Fairytales need a villain. Even if I tried so hard to find a better man than my dad… this man turned out te be a cheater too. A lie, a performance. He left me and told me he left because I was not enough. He deserved better than me and found it. A fear that was always dormant in me. Somewhere I believed I deserved this treatment even though I gave 110%, I was just born lacking. Undeserving of this love. I simply was not enough!
I can’t explain how broken I was. The only thing keeping me together was my dog and kind colleagues. I lost most of the friends, our family turned out to be very much his family. It was to be expected but that didn’t make it less painful. I was a ghost. People missed me, cried over me but I could only love them from another lonely realm. I died but my body kept haunting this earth.
I started to fight for me. Took care of this body that was left standing. Loved my dog and let him take me places and show me the enjoyment of little things. I pushed myself in my career. Volunteered, pushed myself on my hobby. Made new friends. I held on for dear life to become something new. Something better. The best version of me. A person who turned out to be pretty amazing.
My life went from mondaine to exciting. I made younger friends. Parties, girls nights, wild karaoke benders. Learning to ski and travel to new places. Never a dull moment. Chaos, but it was fun.
I dated but I was cynical. I used men to tell me what I wanted to hear but none of them mattered. Real love is fake. I was no longer delusional. I had a relationship with a man who worshipped the ground I walked on… he would never leave me but he made me miserable. I left him. It was all just smoke and mirrors anyway.
I decided it was just going to be me. Me and my goodest boy! At least I knew my love was real. I could actually love selflessly and authentically. So whatever I would love me! Men… wel they could be fun company for a date or two. Maybe even some physical company if they were well behaved enough. Dating became a pass time. Just an activity. One I was ready to give up on anyway.
And then there was you. We matched on Tinder and you were the last match I would have. I was done dating. Wasn’t planning on taking you on a date. However you stood out from the first chat. You were so convinced I was something special. Like a drink of cold water in a desert. Just from my pictures and my bio. Later you told me you saw this kindness and wisdom in my eyes and thought I was funny in my bio. You drove 2 hours and crossed a border just to take me out for a cocktail. The effort was so new to me.
I saw you and my breath just got knocked out of me. You were gorgeous for sure, but that was not it. You had these very kind authentic eyes. Such a sweet voice. You were funny and engaging. You thought I was funny and interesting. The night flew by and I walked to my car with this weird feeling. I pushed it down. Told my self to be smart.
We went to dinner a week later. We talked like we knew each other for years. Server looked at us like she thought we were on our anniversary while we hadn’t even kissed yet. You had rose pedals on the table and ordered champagne. It was so cute. In the parking lot you gave me a sweet little shy kiss that meant everything.I later learned you never kissed a girl before, you always were kissed. In hindsight that makes it so much sweeter how you were brave for me.
You wanted to see me the next day. Drove hours again to go for a walk and meet my dog. In the bar where we had a coffee you kissed me. So effortlessly, like we always had been together. So lovingly. You stood up to go to the washroom. Kissed me and said: I’ll be right back. Like old married couples. When we said goodbye on a cold icy parking lot, we made out. Sparks flew for me. And I must admit I was walking on sunshine a little.
And then the next day… my dog had a seizure and died. He had these before but never like this. He seamed so well for his age but turned out he had advanced cancer. Suddenly I lost my best friend. My home. My rock. And I was so scared. Facing life without him. What if you turned out to be a lie? What if you let me down like everybody else ? He wasn’t here to save me. And I missed him, I still mis him.
You were there for me. In my grief I let go of my guards and just fell for you hard. Harder than ever, like falling into a black hole only accelerating and not knowing when I will hit the end… or be crushed under the enormous weight of my feelings. Finding myself in way deeper than I wanted. Freaking myself out.
We turned out to have crazy sexual chemistry. You are the best I ever had. And I was the same for you. Teamwork you called it. A new world of pleasure feeding into my obsession with you. We had similar quirks and everything we learned about each other made us more compatible.
You told me you wanted everything with me on our 5th date. You said you knew it was all way too soon but that you knew it was me! You were crazy about me. That you never felt anything like this. All common sense left me. I just surrendered. In that moment I just loved you I stopped pretending that I didn’t.
I met your family and friends and they welcomed me like I was something unseen. Like I was this “ finally” breath of relieve. They told me they were so happy to see you happy. I got hugs and teary eyes telling me he deserved someone as great as me. Never felt so accepted by so many strangers so fast. It was just their love for you spilling over to me as they saw I just loved you for you.
I learned you too were always looking to be loved. And just like me you attracted people who used you. Made you work for love. They cheated on you, abused you and told you that you were not enough. They dimmed your light and you believed you deserved it. Like you were not enough, A fear stuck so deep inside you it will never fully leave you.
I see you. You are sunshine in human form and I can’t understand anyone not keeping you, treasuring you. You are beautiful from the inside out. You are so loved by so many. My hearth explodes when you look at me. I can’t help myself.
You know all this. I have told you before I love you. I want you and I want you forever. You know I am all in. You know to some extend how this frightens me. You told me you are scared too.
But I can’t tell you just how scared I am without sounding like a lunatic. I can’t tell you the depths of my feelings without sounding like a stalker.
When we are apart, I think about you every waking second. I stare at our pictures. I flutter at your name on my phone. Hope you will call me before bedtime. When we are together I can’t get enough of you. I stare at you. I can’t sleep because I want to hold you, feel your body against mine as long as I can, admire you while you sleep. I want to savor you. Every moment with you I want to be in it and experience it as hard as I can…
Because deep down… I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. To figure out you are not real. Or for you to see I am not enough. For you to change your mind. For a better woman than me seeing what you are and taking you from me. I am waiting for the rude awakening that I have been lying to myself and love is in fact as fake as I feared and only my love for you is real.
It gives me panic attacks some you have witnessed and even talked me through. Not knowing it was the fear of losing you that spurred them on. You keep showing up. You keep working for me even when I show you wounded and hurt parts of me. You try so hard to protect me. To help me. But your help only scares me more. I want you to be my rock but I can’t give in to that. I need to be able to be my own rock, as my best boy is gone and if I let you … fully let you be my world ….
I won’t survive losing you.
So I keep you out. I play it cool. Pretend I want to move slow. I won’t move in with you until we get to a random number of months as if that means anything. Politely laugh of you organizing our perfect wedding … don’t be silly but yeah I am 100% in and I can’t wait! I Completely shut down, hide and run when we face difficulties or even perceived difficulties like your ex picking up a box of stuff. It was nothing. But it freaked me out. So I pulled back with some bs excuse and hid from you. And you always come and find me. Thinking you did something wrong but you didn’t. You are doing everything right .
I am trying my best to love you as hard as I can through the fear. I try to make you feel how amazing you are. I tell you every chance I get. I make you feel it, I know you feel it. You deserve it, all of it. But I simply can’t give it. Not yet. I hope to one day.
Because maybe love is a lie. Maybe it is delusional. But if we can be delusional together, it might work out. We can play pretend in our fairytale. I will do that forever. No doubt.
I’m Sincerely yours The women who adores you

S1E8 - Look Before You Sleep! The plot of this episode revolves around the juxtaposition of Rarity and Applejack’s ponysalities as they’re trapped in the Golden Oaks Library with Twilight for a sleepover during the midst of a torrential downpour. Both Applejack and Rarity have completely different traits and this episode showcases how truly different they are. Even from their mannerism to their eating habits, the farmpony and fashionista are vastly unalike. Twilight doesn’t notice the disparaging behavior at first, and just enjoys having two of her best friend’s over to spend quality time together. Tension flare quickly and soon get unraveled, much to the vexation of the studious lavender unicorn.
Rewatchability: 10/10 rank. Perfect in this category. I believe Look Before Your Sleep does a splendid job of showcasing the contrasting, mismatched ponysalities of Rarity and Applejack. The premise is simple. Being trapped in a facility during terrible weather. But the plot soars past such a basic synopsis and includes a variety of charming moments, funny quips, enjoyable quotes and more. Seeing the contradiction between Applejack and Rarity is great. Unlike the previous episode, where it showcased how well they integrate as part of a group, this episode focuses on how they interact by themselves. Despite Twilight’s involvement, the focal point is certainly on Applejack and Rarity’s friendship.
Humor: 10/10 rank. Yep! A perfect score in this category too! The episode is chopped full of it. Aside from the polarity between Rarity and Applejack, I heavily enjoyed when they tease each other with the ghost stories. The messy and inconsiderate ghost who irritated everypony within a hundred miles! Oo-oo! (Applejack’s ghost) and the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness. Oo-oo! (Rarity’s ghost) Aside from that, they intentionally get under each other’s skin. Applejack with her eating habits. Rarity getting into bed so eloquently. AJ purposely hogged the blanket. The pillow fight. The 20 questions game. There’s so much humor in this episode. Both ponies are contradicting in ponysality and this episode doesn’t disappoint showcasing that.
Plotline Enjoyment: 10/10 rank. Everything works so well. The pacing is great. The antagonistic behavior between AJ and Rares is humorous. It was great to see how it deepend as the evening went on. I was heavily enjoying Look Before You Sleep. There are some cute moments presented here as well. AJ roasting marshmallows. Twilight’s “Ooh!” after Rarity shows her how to center the smores. The pillow fight. This episode has it all. Conflict. Humor. Enjoyment. Truly a great episode here!
Would I recommend this episode: ABSOLUTELY YES! .
Overall: 10/10 rank and my first given S+ score. A typical 10/10 rank would warrant an A+. However, since each category scored a 10/10, it goes to the highest ranking. S+ is apt. LBYS is one of the best episodes in Season 1 in my opinion. It does everything great and has the total package of what an MLP episode should be. I love this episode, even though half the mane six are missing. My headcanon is Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie are trapped in Sugarcube Corner and waiting out the storm. S1E8 is a flawless episode in my mind. This episode will absolutely be going in my top five of season one.
Question: Are you more like Rarity or Applejack?
In conclusion, Look Before You Sleep is a tremendously splendiferous episode with virtually no faults. I love it. Applejack is my fifth favorite of the Mane Six; Fluttershy is the bottom, but it doesn’t impact this episode. Rarity and Applejack have great moments here that explore their contrasting ponysalities. The humor is great. The quotes are enjoyable. I can watch this episode many times and never get bored. LBYS is enrapturing and heavily congenial. Many hoofstomps to this one! Bravo! Bellisimo! This episode cements itself as one of my top fifteen. I’ll comprise the list later, but it certainly earns the top five of Season 1 in my eyes. Well done to you, S1E8! Eight episodes down and two-hundred thirteen to go. Join me next time for Bridle Gossip and Swarm of the Century!

bit of a random one, but i’m giving a speech at my graduation, which will be to all my fellow art history graduates.
i would love to include a quote from an artist/art historian, whether it be reflective on life, future or the world.
witty/funny ones will be very much appreciated too! i can’t think of any on the spot! 😊

Hi. I'm looking for a quote from Conan that I believe came from his podcast but I can't remember which episode it was. I believe when he says this he is talking to Sona before or after the show, but I could be wrong.
The quote is something like, wouldn't it be funny if I was a creep, sneaking into people's homes...
Any clue as to what the full quote is and what episode it was in?
Thanks

Hello there Before I move onto a spiel about myself, please read below. If this is something that isn’t for you, I understand; wish you all the best in your search for your one and only. No need to message me and tell me how pathetic and special I think I am (not the case).
I am NOT looking for sympathy or attention; this is purely a disclaimer so that we can avoid any disappointments down the line. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as anxiety at a very young age (firstly in my country and then confirmed by the doctors in the UK); I haven’t done much about any of these things for a while as I just ‘got on with it’ but the last few years have been a nightmare. I currently take medication to help me with the mood swings and anxiety. I am also on a waiting list for a therapist but if like me, you live in the UK you well know that this waiting list is a bottomless pit. I have been given an estimated time of 2years. I cannot afford to go private sadly. And yes, I am kicking myself about not sorting this out earlier in my life.
With that being said, I might come across as clingy and needy at times which, myself on my own I am working on.
I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia in late 2019 (please look this up on Google, don’t message me asking to quote ‘the fuq is this’) after everything else being ruled out. Some days are worse than the others, but I do try my best to carry on with my life as normal. I still work and lead somewhat normal life until the very familiar feeling of fatigue and pain hits me. I take painkillers to ease the pain. Anyway, this is all over and done with now. As mentioned, if this hasn’t put you off me then please read on! Warning though, this is going to be a long one.
What am I after: -a straight male, aged 29 – 45 (I wont budge on the age so don’t message me if youre younger) -preferably living in the UK but I am open to long distance (Europe and America with time difference no more than 6h) -a homebody, like me -free from any substances (occasional alcohol consumption is fine) -NO PREFERENCE WHEN IT COMES TO HEIGHT OR BODY TYPE; all about the nice face and personality. -impeccable personal hygiene (not expecting you to smell like the most expensive perfume out there) -child free (and must want to remain that way, I am not budging on that) -MONOGAMOUS and I cannot stress this enough -speak English (communication purposes duh) -employed (not because I want your cash money but if we’re long distance, we both need to be able to fund our travels) -a respectful, funny, loyal, understanding, patient, loving, affectionate individual.
Beyond all that though, I am after a best friend; someone who will have my back no matter what. Someone who will accept me for who I am and won’t force me to change. Someone to enter my life and take the role of my partner (eventually) and join me on this rather wild ride called life. If you don’t give up on me, I wont give up on you. I am NOT looking for a therapist or care giver.
And yes, I can give the same back, and always will. I wont respond to any messages along the lines of ‘hru’; I wrote a long ass post about myself and I am sure you can muster a few more words yourself or to profiles containing inappropriate posts and comment history (especially if your comment history is littered with derogatory language).
I might as well move onto the main bit. My name is Anita and it’s very nice to meet you! I am a 29 year old eastern European living in the UK at the moment, in Bristol. Ive been in the UK since late 2007 and consider this country my home. I have gone back to my home country a few times but I always feel like a tourist there. I am a bit of a unit really, standing 6ft tall (them genes) and weighing approx. 13st (185lbs or 82kg; my weight keeps fluctuating a lot and I am not looking for any tips on how to lose weight). I have red dyed hair (more like ginger these days as I haven’t had a chance to get around dyeing it) and green eyes. I wear glasses as I’m blind as a bat; I also wear a lot of eyeliner so I guess you could shove me in the emo or goth category.
I am an introvert and always been one since I was a kid. Just preferred my own company or that of animals. I am not shy, if anything I can become quite gobby when it comes to standing up for myself or those close to me. I don’t need to ‘get out of my shell’ or ‘leave my house more’ so please miss me with these suggestions.
I am a vegetarian (not a deal breaker if you aren’t. your choice is to eat meat and mine is not to and that’s fine. Live and let live).
I love tea and coffee!!! Cant live without these. I need at least 2-3 cups of each a day
Snacks!!!! One of many reasons why I can’t lose weight. I also love fruit, if I had to choose my favourite one that would be a watermelon.
Bookworm (I haven’t read anything in a long time due to lack of time and brain not braining. I have a stack of books I need to get through eventually). Apolitical (now, now. I read the news almost everyday so I am aware of what’s happening in the world but I refuse to support any of the parties. They are all the same, just wrapped differently. They don’t care about the normal folk like you and I).
Animal lover (I have 4 rescued cats who are my life; I have also rescued about 50 of them. We either found them new loving homes or made them comfortable in their last minutes). No addictions here (occasional drink here and there; although I vape a lot).
In my spare time I like to go for walks, nap, watch tv, play sims 4, chill with my mum and cats, go out shopping with my mum and grab a coffee, listen to true crime podcasts and music (with Daughter being my fav artist lately), visit my brother in London, over eat, over think and read (trying to get to it).
I don’t game religiously or watch anime, which seems to be a common theme here.
As you can tell, I’m just a relatively boring and unremarkable human being; and I’m happy with it. Message me with your name, location and age. Tell me what made you message me. you don’t have to send me your pic straight away; I can assure you I wont until I’m 100% comfortable.
To show that you read all my ramblings, end your message with ‘toodlepip’.
And if you don’t like what you read…. Just move on. No need to call me names in comments or messages.
Thank you for your time; I will respond as soon as I can.
Good luck!

Hello there Before I move onto a spiel about myself, please read below. If this is something that isn’t for you, I understand; wish you all the best in your search for your one and only. No need to message me and tell me how pathetic and special I think I am (not the case).
I am NOT looking for sympathy or attention; this is purely a disclaimer so that we can avoid any disappointments down the line. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as anxiety at a very young age (firstly in my country and then confirmed by the doctors in the UK); I haven’t done much about any of these things for a while as I just ‘got on with it’ but the last few years have been a nightmare. I currently take medication to help me with the mood swings and anxiety. I am also on a waiting list for a therapist but if like me, you live in the UK you well know that this waiting list is a bottomless pit. I have been given an estimated time of 2years. I cannot afford to go private sadly. And yes, I am kicking myself about not sorting this out earlier in my life.
With that being said, I might come across as clingy and needy at times which, myself on my own I am working on.
I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia in late 2019 (please look this up on Google, don’t message me asking to quote ‘the fuq is this’) after everything else being ruled out. Some days are worse than the others, but I do try my best to carry on with my life as normal. I still work and lead somewhat normal life until the very familiar feeling of fatigue and pain hits me. I take painkillers to ease the pain. Anyway, this is all over and done with now. As mentioned, if this hasn’t put you off me then please read on! Warning though, this is going to be a long one.
What am I after: -a straight male, aged 29 – 45 (I wont budge on the age so don’t message me if youre younger) -preferably living in the UK but I am open to long distance (Europe and America with time difference no more than 6h) -a homebody, like me -free from any substances (occasional alcohol consumption is fine) -NO PREFERENCE WHEN IT COMES TO HEIGHT OR BODY TYPE; all about the nice face and personality. -impeccable personal hygiene (not expecting you to smell like the most expensive perfume out there) -child free (and must want to remain that way, I am not budging on that) -MONOGAMOUS and I cannot stress this enough -speak English (communication purposes duh) -employed (not because I want your cash money but if we’re long distance, we both need to be able to fund our travels) -a respectful, funny, loyal, understanding, patient, loving, affectionate individual.
Beyond all that though, I am after a best friend; someone who will have my back no matter what. Someone who will accept me for who I am and won’t force me to change. Someone to enter my life and take the role of my partner (eventually) and join me on this rather wild ride called life. If you don’t give up on me, I wont give up on you. I am NOT looking for a therapist or care giver.
And yes, I can give the same back, and always will. I wont respond to any messages along the lines of ‘hru’; I wrote a long ass post about myself and I am sure you can muster a few more words yourself or to profiles containing inappropriate posts and comment history (especially if your comment history is littered with derogatory language).
I might as well move onto the main bit. My name is Anita and it’s very nice to meet you! I am a 29 year old eastern European living in the UK at the moment, in Bristol. Ive been in the UK since late 2007 and consider this country my home. I have gone back to my home country a few times but I always feel like a tourist there. I am a bit of a unit really, standing 6ft tall (them genes) and weighing approx. 13st (185lbs or 82kg; my weight keeps fluctuating a lot and I am not looking for any tips on how to lose weight). I have red dyed hair (more like ginger these days as I haven’t had a chance to get around dyeing it) and green eyes. I wear glasses as I’m blind as a bat; I also wear a lot of eyeliner so I guess you could shove me in the emo or goth category.
I am an introvert and always been one since I was a kid. Just preferred my own company or that of animals. I am not shy, if anything I can become quite gobby when it comes to standing up for myself or those close to me. I don’t need to ‘get out of my shell’ or ‘leave my house more’ so please miss me with these suggestions.
I am a vegetarian (not a deal breaker if you aren’t. your choice is to eat meat and mine is not to and that’s fine. Live and let live).
I love tea and coffee!!! Cant live without these. I need at least 2-3 cups of each a day
Snacks!!!! One of many reasons why I can’t lose weight. I also love fruit, if I had to choose my favourite one that would be a watermelon.
Bookworm (I haven’t read anything in a long time due to lack of time and brain not braining. I have a stack of books I need to get through eventually). Apolitical (now, now. I read the news almost everyday so I am aware of what’s happening in the world but I refuse to support any of the parties. They are all the same, just wrapped differently. They don’t care about the normal folk like you and I).
Animal lover (I have 4 rescued cats who are my life; I have also rescued about 50 of them. We either found them new loving homes or made them comfortable in their last minutes). No addictions here (occasional drink here and there; although I vape a lot).
In my spare time I like to go for walks, nap, watch tv, play sims 4, chill with my mum and cats, go out shopping with my mum and grab a coffee, listen to true crime podcasts and music (with Daughter being my fav artist lately), visit my brother in London, over eat, over think and read (trying to get to it).
I don’t game religiously or watch anime, which seems to be a common theme here.
As you can tell, I’m just a relatively boring and unremarkable human being; and I’m happy with it. Message me with your name, location and age. Tell me what made you message me. you don’t have to send me your pic straight away; I can assure you I wont until I’m 100% comfortable.
To show that you read all my ramblings, end your message with ‘toodlepip’.
And if you don’t like what you read…. Just move on. No need to call me names in comments or messages.
Thank you for your time; I will respond as soon as I can.
Good luck!

Hello there Before I move onto a spiel about myself, please read below. If this is something that isn’t for you, I understand; wish you all the best in your search for your one and only. No need to message me and tell me how pathetic and special I think I am (not the case).
I am NOT looking for sympathy or attention; this is purely a disclaimer so that we can avoid any disappointments down the line. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as anxiety at a very young age (firstly in my country and then confirmed by the doctors in the UK); I haven’t done much about any of these things for a while as I just ‘got on with it’ but the last few years have been a nightmare. I currently take medication to help me with the mood swings and anxiety. I am also on a waiting list for a therapist but if like me, you live in the UK you well know that this waiting list is a bottomless pit. I have been given an estimated time of 2years. I cannot afford to go private sadly. And yes, I am kicking myself about not sorting this out earlier in my life.
With that being said, I might come across as clingy and needy at times which, myself on my own I am working on.
I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia in late 2019 (please look this up on Google, don’t message me asking to quote ‘the fuq is this’) after everything else being ruled out. Some days are worse than the others, but I do try my best to carry on with my life as normal. I still work and lead somewhat normal life until the very familiar feeling of fatigue and pain hits me. I take painkillers to ease the pain. Anyway, this is all over and done with now. As mentioned, if this hasn’t put you off me then please read on! Warning though, this is going to be a long one.
What am I after: -a straight male, aged 29 – 45 (I wont budge on the age so don’t message me if youre younger) -preferably living in the UK but I am open to long distance (Europe and America with time difference no more than 6h) -a homebody, like me -free from any substances (occasional alcohol consumption is fine) -NO PREFERENCE WHEN IT COMES TO HEIGHT OR BODY TYPE; all about the nice face and personality. -impeccable personal hygiene (not expecting you to smell like the most expensive perfume out there) -child free (and must want to remain that way, I am not budging on that) -MONOGAMOUS and I cannot stress this enough -speak English (communication purposes duh) -employed (not because I want your cash money but if we’re long distance, we both need to be able to fund our travels) -a respectful, funny, loyal, understanding, patient, loving, affectionate individual.
Beyond all that though, I am after a best friend; someone who will have my back no matter what. Someone who will accept me for who I am and won’t force me to change. Someone to enter my life and take the role of my partner (eventually) and join me on this rather wild ride called life. If you don’t give up on me, I wont give up on you. I am NOT looking for a therapist or care giver.
And yes, I can give the same back, and always will. I wont respond to any messages along the lines of ‘hru’; I wrote a long ass post about myself and I am sure you can muster a few more words yourself or to profiles containing inappropriate posts and comment history (especially if your comment history is littered with derogatory language).
I might as well move onto the main bit. My name is Anita and it’s very nice to meet you! I am a 29 year old eastern European living in the UK at the moment, in Bristol. Ive been in the UK since late 2007 and consider this country my home. I have gone back to my home country a few times but I always feel like a tourist there. I am a bit of a unit really, standing 6ft tall (them genes) and weighing approx. 13st (185lbs or 82kg; my weight keeps fluctuating a lot and I am not looking for any tips on how to lose weight). I have red dyed hair (more like ginger these days as I haven’t had a chance to get around dyeing it) and green eyes. I wear glasses as I’m blind as a bat; I also wear a lot of eyeliner so I guess you could shove me in the emo or goth category.
I am an introvert and always been one since I was a kid. Just preferred my own company or that of animals. I am not shy, if anything I can become quite gobby when it comes to standing up for myself or those close to me. I don’t need to ‘get out of my shell’ or ‘leave my house more’ so please miss me with these suggestions.
I am a vegetarian (not a deal breaker if you aren’t. your choice is to eat meat and mine is not to and that’s fine. Live and let live).
I love tea and coffee!!! Cant live without these. I need at least 2-3 cups of each a day
Snacks!!!! One of many reasons why I can’t lose weight. I also love fruit, if I had to choose my favourite one that would be a watermelon.
Bookworm (I haven’t read anything in a long time due to lack of time and brain not braining. I have a stack of books I need to get through eventually). Apolitical (now, now. I read the news almost everyday so I am aware of what’s happening in the world but I refuse to support any of the parties. They are all the same, just wrapped differently. They don’t care about the normal folk like you and I).
Animal lover (I have 4 rescued cats who are my life; I have also rescued about 50 of them. We either found them new loving homes or made them comfortable in their last minutes). No addictions here (occasional drink here and there; although I vape a lot).
In my spare time I like to go for walks, nap, watch tv, play sims 4, chill with my mum and cats, go out shopping with my mum and grab a coffee, listen to true crime podcasts and music (with Daughter being my fav artist lately), visit my brother in London, over eat, over think and read (trying to get to it).
I don’t game religiously or watch anime, which seems to be a common theme here.
As you can tell, I’m just a relatively boring and unremarkable human being; and I’m happy with it. Message me with your name, location and age. Tell me what made you message me. you don’t have to send me your pic straight away; I can assure you I wont until I’m 100% comfortable.
To show that you read all my ramblings, end your message with ‘toodlepip’.
And if you don’t like what you read…. Just move on. No need to call me names in comments or messages.
Thank you for your time; I will respond as soon as I can.
Good luck!

Hi hi! I want to exhaust all my resources before I make a decision lol
I worked with a colleague/old boss for a couple of years. I've had a crush on her for a little while but didn't really say anything because I felt like she was straight based off of a couple of things she's said. Also it's a professinal setting and I don't like to cross ethical boundaries like that. Anyway, I've been hit with some suspicious interactions that have me thinking otherwise about her being straight. We are both females, 27&38. Here are some that have stood out:
•found a picture of me at a pride event and sent it to me telling me she thought I looked great and had an amazing smile •sent an article regarding her personality type and how people with this personality type say I love you. She only sent it to me and someone else who shares the same personality type. I don't have the same one •calls me beautiful, cute, adorable etc. all the time, a lot more lately •questions my dating status and seems to be curious about if I'm actively dating e.g. if I talk about a friend, she'll ask for confirmaton if I'm just friends with said person and it's happened multiple times (one recent instance: I was telling her and another person that a friend of mine surprised me with a cake and flowers for my birthday and her immediate response was "so are you going to tell us who this friend is or are you going to make us guess?") •on the last day at my job, I gave her and some other people farewell cards. She read it in front of me and gave me a hug that felt really intimate (last at least 10 seconds and very tight hahaha) •couple of days ago texted me and said she was thinking about me and what'd to know how I was doing •she's not much of a texter and we've talked less in recent times Because of more physical distance but the suspicious events ramped up a little as I got closer to leaving which is making it harder for me to just leave this behind
Do yall think there is anything here or am I just reading too much into it? Should I confess my feelings? We have a little bit of physical distance now, and I am 3 hours a away for the next month and will be closer to her after that. I am not sure if this type of thing is better in person because we aren't constantly texting. Thanks for any advice!!!!

For those who need it, me included. While I’m still hurting often almost half a year after the breakup, but NC for only like half a month. (Which like many said, it does wonders, sucks and hurts but it will help you so so much.)
Some days I still feel like I made zero progress but to my stubborn self, remember this.

1. I can eat normally again, half a year ago trying to eat the smallest bite would make me nauseous, I had lost so much weight.
   
2. I can sleep and get up in the mornings, no longer am i bed/couch ridden almost the entire day as it would instantly exhaust me doing anything but laying down. Im no longer mortified going to bed at night cause i was so scared of being alone. Bed is cozy again, i dont fear it anymore.
   
3. While I still get many blips of memories thinking of them, those still giving me the pit in my stomach that has become almost a constant in my day to day… it has lessened so, so much. No longer does it consume me, it’s there, but I can enjoy things again.
   
4. I’m able to do my hobbies again, while still difficult at times, it no longer paralyses me where i go into a full-blown panic attack thinking of them.
   
5. My brain is a lot more quiet, it’s slowly becoming my own again. Yes they’re still there, but i can go hours with it being quiet. I miss them still, but that’s all part of it.. and that’s okay. They meant a lot to me they wont just vanish from my mind over night. But no longer does it consume me to the point i got headaches thinking about them, i saw them in everything i did, everywhere i went it drove me absolutely insane. Slowly a calm has returned.
   
6. I’ve learnt a lot about myself in this time, when i found myself at rock bottom of loathing myself, despising my very being.. i finally told myself its enough, i am enough. I made mistakes, we all do, slowly accepting that it’s okay. I finally went to therapy, while it isn’t the best match, it’s left me to really think about a lot. Looking up videos and posts to really confront some shit about myself, slowly working on those things for me, and me alone. I had lost myself completely, needing validation for my very existence.. the moment that vanished my life imploded. Really hurt, but hey, one learns.. and now we get to work on that. Little steps but we’ll get there.
   
7. Connected with family and friends in ways I’ve never done before. I’ve always been mortified about opening up about my feelings, never wanted to be a bother.. but man the amount of support you can get if you do. (And it shows you who really are your friends fusing it all) Also found out I cry really easy…. Something i supressed for almost 30 years.
   
8. Which brings me to the next, cry, cry when you feel like you need it, it releases so much stress almost instantly. Emotions are messy, the need to cry shows up at the most random of times.. even when you were doing so good but just let it out man…. It does so much. Honestly its almost funny at this point, reading similar experiences some have, one moment you’re like hell yea things are good, half a second later sobbing our hearts out and then we’re okay again. Just let it out, make it the ugliest snotter cry you can manage, it’s okay, release them bad feelings, its your body helping you get rid of it all. (And trust me i too wish i wouldnt have to do so this often, its been half a year im over it as well but i always feel so much better after.)
   
9. WHICH ALSO BRINGS ME TO THIS, i went to crying almost the entire day for weeks on end to maybe like… once a few seconds in a week.
   

All in all, are things still difficult, at times yes. But seeing as i’ve only really went NC for half a month… and just been suffering on breadcrumbs as they openly dated again right after dumping me, or telling me two weeks later they’re working out cause they gotta look good otherwise they’ll never find someone again. Which…. In hindsight now was really fucking shitty to say after they gave me false hope of ‘the door isnt closed’.
Lads and ladies and all inbetween, please be kind to yourself. You’re worth more than any relationship and so much more than any mistake you might’ve made, as some say.. you’re always stuck with you no matter what, be that person you look for in a relationship, be kind, console and love yourself even if its hard right now. You always got you, dont let anyone take that from you. In the end we’re all just weird little fleshbags walking on two sticks that have some weird thing in out head that makes us feel and think things that ain’t true. Quote i try to remember is that brains need adult supervision.. and we’re the adults in this situation.
It will hurt for a while, it sucks but you got this. From someone half a year into heartbreak my heart goes out to you all, may you all heal swiftly, but let yourselves grief, go NC as soon as you can even if everything tells you not to. It will help you heal so much faster, save yourself the pain of prolonging it.
I still have a lot to work on, but that’s because i neglected myself and my well being way longer than the relationship even lasted. Its time for me and myself now, time to give myself a hug and heal from past traumas and grow. Learn to be the person i was looking for, for me.
You will laugh again, you wont feel like the world is ending 24/7. Just be patient, take it day by day, slowly days wont feel dreadful anymore but just… normal days again.
Love you all, you got this, be kind to yourselves. Small steps, its not a race, we got this, and i’ll see you all on the flip side soon.