Binweevils money maker cheats

Now before I start I know everyone will tell me to leave but I need someone to tell me what is wrong with me and why I keep staying
Been together 7 years
Got married 9 months ago
Have 1 child together 21 months old
I have never took drugs and don’t really drink
We are both 30 years old
I have my own money and the house and everything in it is mine
Can anyone please tell me why for 7 years he has constantly acused me of cheating he has admitted once he had but lives to tell me once a week he’s fucking all round him he has or is going to
Why 4 months ago he hit and hit me I had 2 black eyes
Why 3 weeks ago he split my head open broke my nose 2 black eyes and busted lip also got big blood clots out of my nose and strangled me he was out drinking and on drugs
Why 1 week ago he threw raw chicken over me dislocated my finger spat in my face a few times and kicked me and smashed my fone
Now couple months ago I won 80 grand anything he’s wanted I got and sort everything do everything for the baby he doesn’t get out bed till suits him
I’ve been loyal give up all my friends give up all social media we share a fone do not leave the house I have no one anymore and I mean none
I am not bragging I am definitely not ugly or big
Could someone please tell me why he does this treats me like this and why do I still want him please help cause I don’t wanna love him anymore or be attached to him or anything anymore I’m safe to leave he’s out of the house now and so is all his stuff how can I hate him !!!!!! I want to hate him so bad also would love revenge I’ve all the picture and messages for proof but I know plenty about him to ruin his life for revenge he’s not only ruined me he’s ruined me as a person I no longer know who I am

Hi, I could really use a caring, loving gal-pal, with the potential to develop into something more significant.
(When I 1st sat down to write this advert, my intention was to write a quick blurb about my lonliness and why I am this way, and then move onto more pertinent information about myself... but that portion turned into a long-winded trauma-dump. I don't want the trauma-dump to be your initial introduction to me... so I'm going to paste it at the bottom instead).
So, about me. I am the kind of person that enjoys hugs more than kissing, and cuddling anytime we watch movies, play video games, or listen to music together.
My ex (It's been so long) used to do this thing where she would use my chest as a pillow, and she would bury her face in my chest like how a cat rubs its scent on you. Then we would wrap the sheets over us and she could just sigh and disassociate. She always said it made her feel safe.
I just want more of that. That and head scratches, back rubs, gentle caressing (for both of us). That, plus night-drives for snacks while blasting vaporwave/synthwave/synthpop, urban exploration. Movie nights (both in-bed, on a couch, or in theater. Music nights (record shopping, live events, stand-up shows, listening in bed).
Love Language etc: Physical Touch Quality Time Words of Affirmation
Music: I like IDM/Experimental Techno, Breakcore, Surf Rock, Quiet Storm / Motown, 80s Synthpop, Yacht Rock, Synthwave, Vaporwave, SynthFunk, Soul.
Movies/TV: I like Comedy, and Sci-Fi, (specifically, Sci-Fi, about Robots, AI, VR, Dystopia, Dreams, Memories, Time Travel... and less about Aliens, Space Travel, Ghosts, Vampires, Zombies, Horror, Anime).
Radio/Podcasts/Youtube. I am an "Oldtime Radio" buff (think radio Dramas like Dragnet, Hitchhikers Guide, etc..). Beau of the Fifth Column, Big Joel, Legal Eagle, VeryTallBart, BadGear, ContraPoints, PDS, Chapo Traphouse, Blocks, Wendigoon.
I'm not materialistic. I don't care about gifts, money or status. I do not have a "wanderlust". I do enjoy road-trips, and night drives, especially with a partner. But travel is not my #1 way to relax and wind-down.
Relationship Style. It should be noted that, while I'm ideally looking for a long-term relationship, I'm not looking to get married and have kids (I've had a vasectomy).
I am not opposed to age gaps (me being older, you being younger) In fact, I would prefer to date someone in their late twenties/early thirties.
I want to be a shoulder to cry on, a chest to lay on. I want to be your big cuddly Teddy Bear (sidenote, I've lost 30 lbs in the last few months so I am not as big a Teddybear as I used to be, and no, I didn't cheat and use Ozempic lol). Maybe I can be your chauffeur if you don't have a car or don't like driving. Maybe you just went through a divorce or a breakup (like I went through a breakup 2 years ago) and you just want a kind and physically affectionate guy who is fun to be around, non-aggressive, reliable, emotionally attentive, patient, optimistic and can be the Friend you need when you have had a hard day at work, or school, or just life in general. I want to alleviate any loneliness you have, and in doing so, alleviate my loneliness in the process.
Personality: I'm extremely chill. Imagine if Jeff Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) was combined with the geekiness of Kevin Flynn from Tron/Tron Legacy + The humor of someone like Mitch Hedberg, or Norm Macdonald.
Politically , I'm a leftist (I'm not a liberal, because I feel like "The Center" has been pulled so far right at this point, that anyone willing to "Reach Across the aisle" is just wasting their time, and falling for all the bad-faith arguments and scams that the Right is dragging them into).
Black Lives matter. Gay/Trans Rights are Human Rights. Healthcare is a human right. Women deserve autonomy over their bodies. The workers should control and profit from the means of production. Religion has no place in politics.
In Summary I am not overly ambitious. I work a maximum of 40 hours per week... and no more. (at least I did when I had a job... more on that later).
I generally wear Dark T-shirts, Dickies pants, and a hoody. My weight fluctuates. When I get to 195, I go Keto, and exercise to get my weight back down, but I'm not a gym rat.
I think to really sum myself up... I do the bare minimum that's required to maintain my health and my financial situation. I would probably consider myself an "underachiever". I am not materialistic, and money and wealth are not a driving force in my motivations.
It seems like every time I go on social media, or a dating app, all I see are people in a "Grindset Mindset", or people that are cosplaying as such.
Everyone wants to play-up their gym routine, and how vegan they are, and drone on about how "active" their lifestyle is. Everyone has "wanderlust", and an "entrepreneurial spirit"... and so on... and so on...
Frankly, this is just not the kind of person I am looking to be, and though I am certain that many of these people are kind, and loving, and great partners... I have found that I can only date someone of that mindset for a short while before they become restless and decide they would be better off with someone else... or they become judgmental and begin trying to nudge me towards, or in some cases aggressively demand that I, "get on their level."
You might be reading this and thinking "Oh, he's looking for an emotional support, because he's lonely and sad and depressed." And, while I am lonely, and a bit sad as a result, I am not looking for someone to "fix" me.
I am actually looking to be YOUR emotional support animal. I don't want to go down a "manosphere" rabbit hole (as that entire space is pretty toxic), but one aspect of the dialogue surrounding a man's place in the modern world that I do resonate with is this...
A man needs to feel useful. Specifically, a man needs to feel like they are providing something for their partner, that they aren't looking to someone else for.
We've already established that I'm not super ambitious nor materialistic. I'll probably never be able to financially provide for two people, on my single income. I am not even looking to move-in together, have kids, or get married.
But what I do have a surplus of, is free time, and the potential for love and affection. (And I know, from experience, that the potential isn't theoretical, I have been in long-term relationships, and I have been in-love before, but in order to be a great boyfriend... I need a girlfriend to be great to).
(ok here's that trauma dump I mentioned). "I don't want to "trauma dump" or make appeals to your sympathy, and I know there's nothing unique about my situation... but I'm going to do my best to get the sad stuff out of the way, so I can move onto the things about myself that might be more appealing... so here it goes."
I am a high functioning insomniac with mild bi-polar, and mild anxiety. Both the Axiety and Bi-Polar are semi-situational, and I can usually manage them without treatment. (I'm NOT Kanye bi-polar, I'm more like... Stephen Fry bi-polar. Essentially... under normal circumstances... I go 45 days like a "normal person", and then I'll have a Manic Episode where I have heightened productivity/creatvity, and I'll lose some sleep... and if I can't get my sleep pattern back on track after a couple of nights of bad/no sleep... I become depressed, and anxious, and then eventually I get so tired/depressed that I'll spend an entire weekend (or more) in my room with the lights off until the cycle ends, and I catch up on all the sleep I've missed.
So, what are normal circumstances? Well, normal circumstances are; I have a job to occupy my time, my friends and family are doing okay, and essentially there's nothing bothering me that patience and self-reflection can't solve.
What are my current circumstances? Well, my current circumstances are: In the summer of 2022 my Longterm Girlfriend Graduated from College and dumped me so she could start her career-life with a 100% clean slate and no obligations to anyone. At the same time, my lease was about to be up, and the rent went up to a point where I couldn't afford to live anywhere in that region anymore (at least not without rooming with total strangers), so I moved back to Phoenix, because at least here I could be around friends and family, and I could room with people that I know and trust (even if they are a bit messier than I would prefer).
My Grandmother passed away a few months after I moved back. So, that was another blow to my emotional state. At least I was able to transfer my job with me when I moved back (and eventually got a significant raise). Unfortunately, my lonleyness and sadness at the loss of my Girlfriend, and my Grandmother have only been compounding this entire time. Initially, my attitude towards finding another girlfriend was "Don't waste anyone's time until you can go 48 hours without crying about something that reminds you of your ex"... but, at the end of April, a change in management at work resulted in me being stuck with a manager who is... for lack of a better term... a total jerkface, and as much as I tried to just do my job and lay low... eventually he got uppity and started firing people... and I was one of the people that got gired.
So, essentially, I'm at a point now were, caution and ethics be damned, I need someone to be by my side while I rebuild myself.
Right now my life consists of going on job boards, applying for jobs until there are no more jobs I qualify for in the queue, and then just waiting by the phone/inbox frustrated, while I binge-watch youtube... until the sun goes down.
I have a roof over my head, food in the frige, a room of my own, & comfortable bed. I have a 4 door sedan, and a motorcycle, I have video game consoles, I have a gaming PC and VR. I have access to all the major streaming services. I have a respectable record/cd collection, and a respectable collection of Synthesizers and Musical Instruments... and in the past, I have enjoyed using all of the aformentioned possesions in order to entertain myself.
Sadly, I have lost all motivation to even attempt to entertain myself. I think back on the start of 2022, when I had a girlfriend living 1 block away, and I could invite her over, and we'd just cuddle and watch Movies/TV together, or listen to music, or play videogames together... or drive around the area after dark, blasting tunes and grabbing snacks, and just enjoying the simplest things because we had someone to share those things with.
I need that again. It's no longer a want. It's a need. Love is what motivates me. Movies/TV is pointless without someone to watch them with. Videogames are a waste of time without someone to hand the controller too. Music is daunting to make, because it all comes out sad now... and I don't want to make sad music.
I know, from experience, (and from the testimony of former partners) that I can be a really great boyfriend (some have even said I'm the best, and their favorite)... but I can't be a good boyfriend... without a girlfriend. I truly wish I could just learn to be happy by myself... but unfortunately, looking back at my life, the best I could ever do alone... is contentment... and right now, I am having an extremely difficult time finding contentment. (The last time I was truly content, was after a divorce... and that's because I was just so relieved to have that person out of my life, that I didn't care that I didn't have anyone to share my life with... at least I didn't have to fall asleep next to someone that treated my like garbage). But, that's not where I am right now. Right now I'm still emotionally broken because I lost someone that I was truly happy with. Right now I'm just second guessing myself and wondering if I had done anything different, would she still have dumped me when she graduated? Or was she just using me as a long-term rebound following her divorce... and is everyone just going to get tired of me when they move-up a notch in their social climb to the top? (I hate all these toxic social heirarchies, and what they have done to people, and their relationships with others).
Ok, I guess I ended up doing the trauma dump I said I wasn't going to do. Let's move past that.
Let's get shallow for a second. I am lonely and sad, we have established this, however, I am not so desperate that I'm just going to latch onto the first person that responds. I have preferences (if I didn't have preferences I would just make a Grindr account and call it a day). So, what are some shallow things I look for in a partner?
I prefer hair that's on the longer side of the spectrum. (shoulder length or more, unless you are petite enough to pull-off a concave bob cut without coming off as a Karen). I prefer healthy weight distribution (At my largest I was 5 foot 10, 195 lbs, and I consider myself an egalitarian, so... we should assume that I would prefer someone right around that level of fitness, or better). I like short women, but I don't mind taller than me. I like glasses (but don't mind the able-sighted). I like Gothy (but don't care for betty paige bangs, nor excessive tattoos/piercings). I like a gal that knows how to apply a smokey-eye look, and maybe some contouring. I am really not picky about clothing. I like someone that's easy to get along with, and is excited to spend time with me.
Please, no cigarette smokers. Vape is fine, I just can't take the smoke, or the "aftertaste".
I guess the bottom line is that I enjoy everything in life 99% more when I have someone to share the enjoyment with. Are my memories even worth a darn without someone else to say "Hey remember that awesome time?..." to.
I would be really happy to find that person. thx for coming to my Tedx Talk. I hope to hear from you.

Long-ish paragraph ahead: I don’t ever post on Reddit so I hope this is something that actually makes sense and is being posted in the right place. I’m not good at explaining things via writing.
My situation is certainly not black-and-white. The gist of it is that one year ago my ex of seven years cheated on me. We had been together since we were 16. Traumatic as that was, I took a solid month of grieving, and then ended up getting unintentionally distracted with life and traveling. I knew I needed more time and I wanted to embrace single life. I got a roommate, made a new friends, old friends came and visited. And only about two or three months after this devastating breakup I met a guy on a blind hang out through my roommate. It was my roommates date’s best friend.
We pretty much hit it off after day 2. I never thought it would go anywhere, but we ended up spending almost every day together, even though I was REALLY not trying to have another relationship. My heart and my head were telling me different things. My heart won despite my constant internal argument, and we ended up staying in a relationship of sorts for 10 months.
We had the most amazing connection that I had ever experienced yet with a man, which is saying alot because I’m picky and everyone close to me knows how closed off my heart is. I loved him more than I ever loved my seven year relationship ex. Tbh he was the first man I was ever truly in love with…The only issue is I had this feeling in my gut that he wasn’t the one. The kind of future I’m building needs a man who is “more/better” for lack of a better word.
Skip 10 months ahead, he decided to not renew his lease in the city. It was getting too expensive and he quit his job in hopes that his new path would make him more money. That did not work out as he ran out of money before he started his new career. That pissed me off because it was stupid and impulsive. I encouraged him to go live back in Pennsylvania with his grandmother (free place to live), 1100 miles away. I knew this was the best way “out” of something that would inevitably need to end anyway. I’m too logical and I know what’s best for me so I knew the consequences. He took my advise as it was his best option and he moved back up north.
We kept in touch. 2 weeks after he left I moved to the city we met in and because I was so distracted with the move and all of the happenings in life, including people visiting, I don’t think I ever truly took the time to acknowledge his immediate and sudden exit out of my life.
We have spoken very day on the phone since he left. I thought keeping in contact would soften the blow. It helped at first. Now I live in the same city only a few blocks down from where he lived. Surrounded by flashbacks of memories that I made with him and my friends. These memories healed me from my first breakup. I fell in love with the city because it’s where we fell in love. I feel stupid because I loved him more than any man, but I knew he was not the right one for me. So…I have not given myself permission to properly grieve because I always knew what the outcome was going to be. How can I grieve what was basically a situationship? I know that was stupid of me to even be in a situation like that, and I do acknowledge that I did this to myself.
But if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be living in this city, or have been introduced to a better life or have grown so much as a person. I do not regret it and would do it all over again, even knowing the circumstances. Now I think about him every day because I’m living in the same city we spent every day in. I have been having absolutely insane mental breakdowns the last few days since my move was finally settled, I am definitely experiencing some type of delayed grief.
I just do not know how to be kind with myself through this. It’s spiraled me into a depressive low self-esteem phase. It’s also stolen my joy and hope I had of the future. Instead of enjoying this new life in the city I don’t have any motivation to do anything yet I feel the pressure of still having to get up every day and live my life normally. This place used to be bright and now it has no color.
I realize I made him my life by default and now that I’m not distracted with a relationship I have no idea what to do with myself. I am lost. I do not have any happiness at all. I just want to feel okay again. I just turned 25 last month and I feel like I should have my life more together. People my age are in committed relationship by now. I keep having dreams about having somebody special in my life who doesn’t leave.
My roommate and I are no longer with these same boys that we spent the last year with. But we are in the same city as all the memories. Talking to him over the phone is not helping, but almost makes me feel worse because I just want him to be there, but I know that doesn’t solve anything. I would just be back in the same situation— dating a guy that I won’t marry. Eventually our communication will need to end.
I just don’t know what to do and I never felt so far from happiness and hope. Any thoughts and advice is appreciated. I do not need any criticism as I’m already hard enough on myself for the mistakes I’ve made even getting myself into this situation. I won’t admit that I am unhappy in general to anyone close to me, and I’m the last to admit that I actually need help.
How do I find myself again? I have so many dreams. Just don’t have the motivation to go with it after this blow. I always act strong and try to push my feelings down because I reject the sadness but then I’m having breakdowns. I don’t even want to leave the house or talk to my loved ones.

My husband (32M) and I (31F) have been separated for 11 months now, I moved out with my baby, he cheated a year into our marriage, he was texting someone else, sending her money, I forgave him, 3 years later, he cheated with 2 different women while traveling for work, he’s a pathological liar, lied about going for work training for 7 days, he couldn’t talk to me cus they were not supposed to have their phone etc, then I found flights and hotels for the same dates to a completely different place outside of the country, he was supposed to be training in another state, but actually took a trip not work related at all, found the hotel booking in his email trash, he deleted but I was smart, just so many things throughout our marriage, I had enough so I saved up, bought my self a car, got an amazing job and an apartment and moved while he was at work, it’s been almost a year of separation, I finally decided I’m going with divorce, sat him down and told him I’m filling and that I’ll need his cooperation so everything can go smoothly for our baby’s sake, he didn’t speak to me again for 2 days then randomly texts me that he wants to talk, he called and gave me his game plan, saying he doesn’t want a divorce, telling me all the things he plan on doing to earn my trust and that I should give him 3 months to prove it, and then I can divorce him after if I don’t change my mind.
For those who stayed after their partners cheated, how’s that going? What were the reasons you stayed? What all did he/she had to do to earn your trust again? How did you get over the hurt ? Is your relationship better or worst?
Am I making a mistake? Cus I really don’t have much love left to give and I’ve made that clear to him, being in my own space gives me peace, I don’t have to beg him to help out with house chores or our baby, I just do me and it works for me, I’d rather do it alone than be married and still doing it alone ! Plus sex and everything, I really don’t think I have it in me honestly.

Hi, I could really use a caring, loving gal-pal, with the potential to develop into something more significant.
(When I 1st sat down to write this advert, my intention was to write a quick blurb about my lonliness and why I am this way, and then move onto more pertinent information about myself... but that portion turned into a long-winded trauma-dump. I don't want the trauma-dump to be your initial introduction to me... so I'm going to paste it at the bottom instead).
So, about me. I am the kind of person that enjoys hugs more than kissing, and cuddling anytime we watch movies, play video games, or listen to music together.
My ex (It's been so long) used to do this thing where she would use my chest as a pillow, and she would bury her face in my chest like how a cat rubs its scent on you. Then we would wrap the sheets over us and she could just sigh and disassociate. She always said it made her feel safe.
I just want more of that. That and head scratches, back rubs, gentle caressing (for both of us). That, plus night-drives for snacks while blasting vaporwave/synthwave/synthpop, urban exploration. Movie nights (both in-bed, on a couch, or in theater. Music nights (record shopping, live events, stand-up shows, listening in bed).
Love Language etc: Physical Touch Quality Time Words of Affirmation
Music: I like IDM/Experimental Techno, Breakcore, Surf Rock, Quiet Storm / Motown, 80s Synthpop, Yacht Rock, Synthwave, Vaporwave, SynthFunk, Soul.
Movies/TV: I like Comedy, and Sci-Fi, (specifically, Sci-Fi, about Robots, AI, VR, Dystopia, Dreams, Memories, Time Travel... and less about Aliens, Space Travel, Ghosts, Vampires, Zombies, Horror, Anime).
Radio/Podcasts/Youtube. I am an "Oldtime Radio" buff (think radio Dramas like Dragnet, Hitchhikers Guide, etc..). Beau of the Fifth Column, Big Joel, Legal Eagle, VeryTallBart, BadGear, ContraPoints, PDS, Chapo Traphouse, Blocks, Wendigoon.
I'm not materialistic. I don't care about gifts, money or status. I do not have a "wanderlust". I do enjoy road-trips, and night drives, especially with a partner. But travel is not my #1 way to relax and wind-down.
Relationship Style. It should be noted that, while I'm ideally looking for a long-term relationship, I'm not looking to get married and have kids (I've had a vasectomy).
I am not opposed to age gaps (me being older, you being younger) In fact, I would prefer to date someone in their late twenties/early thirties.
I want to be a shoulder to cry on, a chest to lay on. I want to be your big cuddly Teddy Bear (sidenote, I've lost 30 lbs in the last few months so I am not as big a Teddybear as I used to be, and no, I didn't cheat and use Ozempic lol). Maybe I can be your chauffeur if you don't have a car or don't like driving. Maybe you just went through a divorce or a breakup (like I went through a breakup 2 years ago) and you just want a kind and physically affectionate guy who is fun to be around, non-aggressive, reliable, emotionally attentive, patient, optimistic and can be the Friend you need when you have had a hard day at work, or school, or just life in general. I want to alleviate any loneliness you have, and in doing so, alleviate my loneliness in the process.
Personality: I'm extremely chill. Imagine if Jeff Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) was combined with the geekiness of Kevin Flynn from Tron/Tron Legacy + The humor of someone like Mitch Hedberg, or Norm Macdonald.
Politically , I'm a leftist (I'm not a liberal, because I feel like "The Center" has been pulled so far right at this point, that anyone willing to "Reach Across the aisle" is just wasting their time, and falling for all the bad-faith arguments and scams that the Right is dragging them into).
Black Lives matter. Gay/Trans Rights are Human Rights. Healthcare is a human right. Women deserve autonomy over their bodies. The workers should control and profit from the means of production. Religion has no place in politics.
In Summary I am not overly ambitious. I work a maximum of 40 hours per week... and no more. (at least I did when I had a job... more on that later).
I generally wear Dark T-shirts, Dickies pants, and a hoody. My weight fluctuates. When I get to 195, I go Keto, and exercise to get my weight back down, but I'm not a gym rat.
I think to really sum myself up... I do the bare minimum that's required to maintain my health and my financial situation. I would probably consider myself an "underachiever". I am not materialistic, and money and wealth are not a driving force in my motivations.
It seems like every time I go on social media, or a dating app, all I see are people in a "Grindset Mindset", or people that are cosplaying as such.
Everyone wants to play-up their gym routine, and how vegan they are, and drone on about how "active" their lifestyle is. Everyone has "wanderlust", and an "entrepreneurial spirit"... and so on... and so on...
Frankly, this is just not the kind of person I am looking to be, and though I am certain that many of these people are kind, and loving, and great partners... I have found that I can only date someone of that mindset for a short while before they become restless and decide they would be better off with someone else... or they become judgmental and begin trying to nudge me towards, or in some cases aggressively demand that I, "get on their level."
You might be reading this and thinking "Oh, he's looking for an emotional support, because he's lonely and sad and depressed." And, while I am lonely, and a bit sad as a result, I am not looking for someone to "fix" me.
I am actually looking to be YOUR emotional support animal. I don't want to go down a "manosphere" rabbit hole (as that entire space is pretty toxic), but one aspect of the dialogue surrounding a man's place in the modern world that I do resonate with is this...
A man needs to feel useful. Specifically, a man needs to feel like they are providing something for their partner, that they aren't looking to someone else for.
We've already established that I'm not super ambitious nor materialistic. I'll probably never be able to financially provide for two people, on my single income. I am not even looking to move-in together, have kids, or get married.
But what I do have a surplus of, is free time, and the potential for love and affection. (And I know, from experience, that the potential isn't theoretical, I have been in long-term relationships, and I have been in-love before, but in order to be a great boyfriend... I need a girlfriend to be great to).
(ok here's that trauma dump I mentioned). "I don't want to "trauma dump" or make appeals to your sympathy, and I know there's nothing unique about my situation... but I'm going to do my best to get the sad stuff out of the way, so I can move onto the things about myself that might be more appealing... so here it goes."
I am a high functioning insomniac with mild bi-polar, and mild anxiety. Both the Axiety and Bi-Polar are semi-situational, and I can usually manage them without treatment. (I'm NOT Kanye bi-polar, I'm more like... Stephen Fry bi-polar. Essentially... under normal circumstances... I go 45 days like a "normal person", and then I'll have a Manic Episode where I have heightened productivity/creatvity, and I'll lose some sleep... and if I can't get my sleep pattern back on track after a couple of nights of bad/no sleep... I become depressed, and anxious, and then eventually I get so tired/depressed that I'll spend an entire weekend (or more) in my room with the lights off until the cycle ends, and I catch up on all the sleep I've missed.
So, what are normal circumstances? Well, normal circumstances are; I have a job to occupy my time, my friends and family are doing okay, and essentially there's nothing bothering me that patience and self-reflection can't solve.
What are my current circumstances? Well, my current circumstances are: In the summer of 2022 my Longterm Girlfriend Graduated from College and dumped me so she could start her career-life with a 100% clean slate and no obligations to anyone. At the same time, my lease was about to be up, and the rent went up to a point where I couldn't afford to live anywhere in that region anymore (at least not without rooming with total strangers), so I moved back to Phoenix, because at least here I could be around friends and family, and I could room with people that I know and trust (even if they are a bit messier than I would prefer).
My Grandmother passed away a few months after I moved back. So, that was another blow to my emotional state. At least I was able to transfer my job with me when I moved back (and eventually got a significant raise). Unfortunately, my lonleyness and sadness at the loss of my Girlfriend, and my Grandmother have only been compounding this entire time. Initially, my attitude towards finding another girlfriend was "Don't waste anyone's time until you can go 48 hours without crying about something that reminds you of your ex"... but, at the end of April, a change in management at work resulted in me being stuck with a manager who is... for lack of a better term... a total jerkface, and as much as I tried to just do my job and lay low... eventually he got uppity and started firing people... and I was one of the people that got gired.
So, essentially, I'm at a point now were, caution and ethics be damned, I need someone to be by my side while I rebuild myself.
Right now my life consists of going on job boards, applying for jobs until there are no more jobs I qualify for in the queue, and then just waiting by the phone/inbox frustrated, while I binge-watch youtube... until the sun goes down.
I have a roof over my head, food in the frige, a room of my own, & comfortable bed. I have a 4 door sedan, and a motorcycle, I have video game consoles, I have a gaming PC and VR. I have access to all the major streaming services. I have a respectable record/cd collection, and a respectable collection of Synthesizers and Musical Instruments... and in the past, I have enjoyed using all of the aformentioned possesions in order to entertain myself.
Sadly, I have lost all motivation to even attempt to entertain myself. I think back on the start of 2022, when I had a girlfriend living 1 block away, and I could invite her over, and we'd just cuddle and watch Movies/TV together, or listen to music, or play videogames together... or drive around the area after dark, blasting tunes and grabbing snacks, and just enjoying the simplest things because we had someone to share those things with.
I need that again. It's no longer a want. It's a need. Love is what motivates me. Movies/TV is pointless without someone to watch them with. Videogames are a waste of time without someone to hand the controller too. Music is daunting to make, because it all comes out sad now... and I don't want to make sad music.
I know, from experience, (and from the testimony of former partners) that I can be a really great boyfriend (some have even said I'm the best, and their favorite)... but I can't be a good boyfriend... without a girlfriend. I truly wish I could just learn to be happy by myself... but unfortunately, looking back at my life, the best I could ever do alone... is contentment... and right now, I am having an extremely difficult time finding contentment. (The last time I was truly content, was after a divorce... and that's because I was just so relieved to have that person out of my life, that I didn't care that I didn't have anyone to share my life with... at least I didn't have to fall asleep next to someone that treated my like garbage). But, that's not where I am right now. Right now I'm still emotionally broken because I lost someone that I was truly happy with. Right now I'm just second guessing myself and wondering if I had done anything different, would she still have dumped me when she graduated? Or was she just using me as a long-term rebound following her divorce... and is everyone just going to get tired of me when they move-up a notch in their social climb to the top? (I hate all these toxic social heirarchies, and what they have done to people, and their relationships with others).
Ok, I guess I ended up doing the trauma dump I said I wasn't going to do. Let's move past that.
Let's get shallow for a second. I am lonely and sad, we have established this, however, I am not so desperate that I'm just going to latch onto the first person that responds. I have preferences (if I didn't have preferences I would just make a Grindr account and call it a day). So, what are some shallow things I look for in a partner?
I prefer hair that's on the longer side of the spectrum. (shoulder length or more, unless you are petite enough to pull-off a concave bob cut without coming off as a Karen). I prefer healthy weight distribution (At my largest I was 5 foot 10, 195 lbs, and I consider myself an egalitarian, so... we should assume that I would prefer someone right around that level of fitness, or better). I like short women, but I don't mind taller than me. I like glasses (but don't mind the able-sighted). I like Gothy (but don't care for betty paige bangs, nor excessive tattoos/piercings). I like a gal that knows how to apply a smokey-eye look, and maybe some contouring. I am really not picky about clothing. I like someone that's easy to get along with, and is excited to spend time with me.
Please, no cigarette smokers. Vape is fine, I just can't take the smoke, or the "aftertaste".
I guess the bottom line is that I enjoy everything in life 99% more when I have someone to share the enjoyment with. Are my memories even worth a darn without someone else to say "Hey remember that awesome time?..." to.
I would be really happy to find that person. thx for coming to my Tedx Talk. I hope to hear from you.

Now before I start I know everyone will tell me to leave but I need someone to tell me what is wrong with me and why I keep staying
Been together 7 years
Got married 9 months ago
Have 1 child together 21 months old
I have never took drugs and don’t really drink
We are both 30 years old
I have my own money and the house and everything in it is mine
Can anyone please tell me why for 7 years he has constantly acused me of cheating he has admitted once he had but lives to tell me once a week he’s fucking all round him he has or is going to
Why 4 months ago he hit and hit me I had 2 black eyes
Why 3 weeks ago he split my head open broke my nose 2 black eyes and busted lip also got big blood clots out of my nose and strangled me he was out drinking and on drugs
Why 1 week ago he threw raw chicken over me dislocated my finger spat in my face a few times and kicked me and smashed my fone
Now couple months ago I won 80 grand anything he’s wanted I got and sort everything do everything for the baby he doesn’t get out bed till suits him
I’ve been loyal give up all my friends give up all social media we share a fone do not leave the house I have no one anymore and I mean none
I am not bragging I am definitely not ugly or big
Could someone please tell me why he does this treats me like this and why do I still want him please help cause I don’t wanna love him anymore or be attached to him or anything anymore I’m safe to leave he’s out of the house now and so is all his stuff how can I hate him !!!!!! I want to hate him so bad also would love revenge I’ve all the picture and messages for proof but I know plenty about him to ruin his life for revenge he’s not only ruined me he’s ruined me as a person I no longer know who I am

It pissed me off that they get it lead me on. They get to hold me touch me take care of me. ALL WHILE HAVING A SECOND GIRL. I finally let someone into my life. He was so patient and sweet and seemed to understand my trauma. He would always agree and pick out parts of my stories no matter how serious or silly they were. THIS ENTIRE TIME HE HAD ANOTHER GIRL. And the worst part is, when I found out he gaslit me. My friend messaged me saying he tried to hit on her and I asked him. He just deleted me everywhere, and posted about how I’m crazy.
I just am so angry because why the fuck am I over here still missing him and wanting his attention and to fix it but noooooo he doesn’t regret it and literally the next day posted the other girl. I hate men. I hate women. I hate dating. I hate myself because I literally am never good enough. The only relationships I’ve had are
1.) 3 years, was engaged but then he slept with a 14 year old.
2.) 2 years, cheated on me with his girl best friend who had zero interest until we started dating. Then his parents and him used me for money.
3.) This one was my first relationship since 1 and 2 and it was like 6 months, like what the hell. Am I doing wrong.

It pissed me off that they get it lead me on. They get to hold me touch me take care of me. ALL WHILE HAVING A SECOND GIRL. I finally let someone into my life. He was so patient and sweet and seemed to understand my trauma. He would always agree and pick out parts of my stories no matter how serious or silly they were. THIS ENTIRE TIME HE HAD ANOTHER GIRL. And the worst part is, when I found out he gaslit me. My friend messaged me saying he tried to hit on her and I asked him. He just deleted me everywhere, and posted about how I’m crazy.
I just am so angry because why the fuck am I over here still missing him and wanting his attention and to fix it but noooooo he doesn’t regret it and literally the next day posted the other girl. I hate men. I hate women. I hate dating. I hate myself because I literally am never good enough. The only relationships I’ve had are
1.) 3 years, was engaged but then he slept with a 14 year old.
2.) 2 years, cheated on me with his girl best friend who had zero interest until we started dating. Then his parents and him used me for money.
3.) This one was my first relationship since 1 and 2 and it was like 6 months, like what the hell. Am I doing wrong.

Me M22 & F22 Had 1 Year Long Distance Relationship - It Was Like That Instagram Cute Couple Type Young Relationship
It Started Good - She Was A Good Person That Time Except Few Emotional Issues
Her Brother Sexually Harassed Her And Her Parents Both Narcissistic Who Fight Each Other 24/7 - She Shifted to My City After 1 Year of Long Distance
We Live in 3rd World Conservative Country Where Women Have Terrible Job Opportunities If they aren't qualified - which she's was not therefore I stated working after my university classes to Financially Support her
I paid for her 1year + for almost everything and did my best for her because of love
After 1 Year I Had Job issues Because of economic collapse for 1 month she left me - she came after to share she surprisingly fall in love with some new man now , I was just watching what the Fuck she just said after 2 years of relationship
Fast Forward She Came Back And I Accepted Her Back Because She Was Crying And Begging for 2 Months Straight - Our Relationship Remain On And Off
I Started Noticing She Always Ask for Money And When I Declined She Start Emotionally Cheating With Someone Else - Same Pattern Played Out Again And Again
I Stopped Giving Her Money After That - I Still Love Her And Gave Her Benefit of Doubt Everytime but She Always Did Worse than Ever
Currently She Blocked Me Everywhere Because I Declined to Pay for Her - I'm in Pain because of missing all those Memories with her along love for her in my heart
It was never like it before - it started like a normal relationship but soon when she Shifted here in my City it became transactional relationship because I didn't even get anything in return except her going out with me or talking with each other
Now She Just Manipulate - Lie And Cheat ; Became Ultra Selfish who doesn't give a Fuck about our relationship Now She Marrying Someone Else While I'm In Pain
We Had 2Years Good Relationship Which Keep Repeating in my mind and revive pain - I don't love her now how I used to do but I do miss my fun life with her

Hi all, I (M41) just need to tell someone about this. I don't have anyone near me, and I feel like if I write it all out, then maybe it can clear my head. This will be long, but I am putting it out there because maybe if I get it written, then it will make sense to me.
So, I married my wife (F48), let’s call her May, in March of 2008. We met at a party through a mutual friend. She had graduated from a community college working as a paralegal, and I was finishing grad school for Biomechanical engineering. We hit it off right away, and within a few months, we decided to officially start dating.
May was great. She was pretty, smart, kind, and would give the shirt off her back if that meant that someone else would be warm. She has one sister that is important to this entire thing, I will call her Jane (F43). Jane and May were not very close throughout their childhood, but they became closer as they grew older.
When May and I had dated for a year, there was a conflict with her landlord and she had 30 days to leave her apartment. I obviously did not want her to be homeless, so we decided to move in together. Things were great. One thing I admired is how simple May wanted our life. Things were early, but we were seriously dating. We talked about kids, about moving to a different part of the country, what we wanted in life, and it was like we both checked off all the boxes.
When I finished my graduate degree, I proposed to May and she said yes. At this point, we had been dating for close to four years. Both our families were thrilled, and we ended up having a small wedding, saving most of our funds for the future. My parents paid for half the wedding, I only have one brother who remains unmarried but with a spouse so they wanted us to have an actual wedding. It was really fun, and it was one of the best days in my life.
After our wedding, we decided that we wanted to have kids. Additionally, I got a job with a big company which forced us to move about 14 hours away from where we met. This was very hard on May because she really loved her family, and she was used to having them right there when she needed them. However, we had talked about this prior to getting married, and if the right opportunity presented itself, then we would take it. And this was that opportunity.
So, we moved down to a southern city in the US with a great school district and relatively moderate housing prices. That is why we didn’t have such an extravagant wedding because we put a down payment down on a house. It was weird having a house and this huge job, but May and I took it in stride.
One thing about my work is that I am required to go on business trips. At first, it was for one to two days a week. However, as I progressed my way through the ladder, it soon became five day trips. From Monday morning to Friday evening. I felt bad because I knew it was difficult on May to have her husband away for so long, but I made sure we had constant contact, and when I got back, I wanted to make sure that I gave her all the dedication she deserved. Plus, the pay was really good for this job. I knew that if I could stick it out for a few years, we would have enough money to start looking into having kids.
Well, things changed when May called me multiple times when I was at the airport, getting ready to drive back home after my work week. It was odd because she would typically only call once or twice, but she then texted me frantically telling me that she needed me home asap.
I asked her what was wrong, but she said to get there when I could. I flew out of the airport, and what was typically an hour drive was closer to thirty minutes. My heart was beating so badly out of my chest, and I was worried that something bad had happened.
When I got back home, I flew through the door and it was completely dark. I started screaming for May but it was completely quiet for a few seconds. Until the lights came on and May was holding a cake with a simple plus symbol on it. I looked at her and was confused.
“What is this?” I asked, and then it dawned on me. I asked her if she was pregnant and she said yes. We hugged, cried, and were so happy to finally be parents. We hadn’t been trying but we also wouldn’t mind if we had children.
From then the next four years were an absolute whirlwind. We had three beautiful daughters, each one being about 18 months apart from one another. Things started to become crazy, with having little children and my work continuing to pick up. I tried my best to be attentive and lessen my work load to help care for my children. What I did was make it so my trips were actually in town so I didn’t have to travel. I would start early in the day, helping May wake the kids, getting them ready, and before I would leave, I would ensure that they were packed, ready for preschool, and good to go. I would then come back in the evening, around 600 to have a home cooked meal and spend time with my daughters before bed.
As the years progressed and my daughters got older, my work required me to increase my business trip days, and it was now every week that I was away Monday to Friday night. I would keep in constant contact with my kids, talking to them everyday. On the weekends, I would make sure that we would have either an activity with just the girls and I so May could get a break or all of us so we can have family bonding.
The girls became more independent, and May was thinking of going back to school to get a certification in real estate, but we always held off on the idea until the girls were in their early teens. I encouraged May to go for it, but she also said that it was too much work with the girls, and being a full time mom would make it difficult to get her certification. I didn’t argue with her on it because what she was saying was absolutely true; being a full time mom was incredibly difficult, and maybe when the girls were teenagers or pre-teens, then May could get the certification.
One evening, when the girls were in bed and May and I were in our room, she brought up the idea of moving. I was kind of surprised because I thought we both liked it where we were. Our girls grew up here, they had all their friends, all their interests, and they found this city as home. But May said that she was starting to feel suffocated and that this change would be the chance she could get to get her certification. She said it would be like a renewal. I told her that this would make my travel schedule even longer. Where we were was right near a major airport hub, so traveling was easy. But when I asked her where, she said she already knew where she wanted to be. It was right on the east coast, she said she found this house she liked, and maybe we could tour it on our next vacation to this area, in about two weeks.
I was kind of surprised about how much in depth she already knew where to go and it was apparent she had been thinking about this for awhile. I wanted to agree with her, but my thoughts were about our girls. Would it be fair for them to just suddenly uproot our lives and go to this place where they would have no friends or connections?
Two weeks later, we went on vacation. The girls were enrolled in tennis academy sessions, as all of them were very dedicated and loved the sport. We had some free time and decided to go check out the place that May had looked at. Again, I was hesitant, but when we went to the area, May fell in love. Seeing her so happy made me wonder if moving was the right idea. I mean, we had vacationed at this place twice a year for eight odd years.
May then grabbed my hands and looked at me saying that this was where she wanted to live. I told her that the houses were far out of our price range considering we have three almost pre teen girls that have to get to college, but she said she knew a house that would be right in our budget. It had been on the market for eight months and was heavily discounted. There also was an open house the next day, so we went there, and May just about was head over heels for this house.
And within two months, we had completely uprooted our lives and left. I thought we should have waited until the school year ended, but May was insistent to leave. We had talked to our girls, and they were fine with it. Though my youngest Lilly (F14) seemed to be taking the move really hard. I noticed it first at how quiet she was; she said she was fine with moving, but I could see how difficult it was for her moving to a new school with only a couple weeks left to go.
I sat down and talked with Lilly and she admitted that she said it was fine to move, but she felt like May had forced her to say yes. I told her that what she was telling me wasn’t okay, and that I understand her feelings and will talk to May about it. However, Lilly said to not tell her because it would upset May. Respecting Lilly's wishes, I didn’t tell May, but there was something in my heart telling me that something was wrong.
The school year ended and the girls were enrolled in a full time tennis program within our neighborhood. Everything was right there. We lived in a gated community with a huge tennis center, multiple pools, and right outside was a name grocery store. The girls were in biking vicinity for everything, and it felt like everything was going great.
However, I noticed that Lilly and our middle Daughter Abby (F12) were starting to become more distant from May and I. We assumed it was because they were pre-teens and liked their freedom. May then said that she wanted to get certification, and I told her to go for it and that I would support her. Also, the girls were most independent, plus the classes were in the evening, so May would still be there for our girls when she left (around 7pm) and got back when they were sleeping (around 11pm). I didn’t like the idea of leaving our girls alone for so long, but the area was very safe, and the girls had a neighbor right next door if anything happened.
Things were going well until one weekend, when I was home in the afternoon making lunch, Lilly got back home and didn’t say hi to me. She had tears in her eyes and she went to her room, locking her door.
I was majorly concerned and went to Lilly’s door and knocked on it, asking her what was wrong. But she just told me to leave her alone. I told her that if she wanted anything, she could go to my bedroom.
After a few moments of silence, Lilly unlocked her door and it was apparent she had been crying. She looked around and asked if Mom was there, and I said no, that she was studying at the library (her certification licensing exam was coming up).
Lilly wiped her tears and hugged me just crying. My heart ached and I just hugged her back, not knowing what to do. Only then did I really notice how small she had gotten. Lilly was always a bit bigger in size despite doing lots of activities and eating regular and healthy meals. This summer, I noticed she had lost weight, but now I was seeing just how much weight she had lost. It had me concerned but I wasn’t sure what to say.
I asked Lilly what was wrong but when we released she just shook her head, said thank you, and closed the door. I was absolutely confused, unsure if this was just pre teen emotions or if something was really wrong. My first instinct was to call May and ask her what to do, but I wanted to honor Lilly’s wishes and so I didn’t call May.
However, I soon became curious and went to our garage where there were medical documents sorted away. I went ahead and pulled out Lilly’s annual physical documents and noticed how drastically her weight had gone down. At 12 she was 5’3 and 130 lbs and then at 14 she was 5’4 and 110 lbs. I knew something was really wrong, and something just didn’t feel right.
As I was putting documents away, my mind kept running. I went to the fridge and curiously checked the groceries we had in there. We had groceries, but I noticed that the stuff we had was entirely new. Obviously, with a family of five we had a lot of groceries, but everything was completely new, from the day before. I pushed it out of my mind, but I made a mental note about it.
Over the next few weekends, I noticed that Lilly became more withdrawn and our other girls were acting out more. They were still younger, but the tantrums were almost daily. It wasn’t just tantrums, they were screaming matches and lots of slamming doors and hitting things. This hadn’t happened until recently, and I noticed that Lilly often had to break up the fights and would manage to calm down her sisters better than May or I.
Suddenly, a few months ago, one morning, our youngest, June (F10) , woke up in agonizing pain and we were going to take her to the hospital. But May insisted that she will go with June, and I will stay home with our other two daughters so that when they got up, we could go to the ER and they wouldn’t be panicked.
I helped June to the car, and May drove off hurriedly. I went back indoors before I noticed that May had left her phone. This sounds like a bad movie, doesn’t it?
We had an open phone policy, and I was gonna look away before I saw a notification pop up. It was from her sister.
At first I was going to walk away, but I checked the message and my whole world changed. Her sister had been warning May to stop the affair because if I found out, it would ruin everything. Of course I was confused, what just happened?
Inclined, I scrolled back and looked in horror to see that May was admitting to her sister that she missed being with who we will call Derrick and that he made her feel so much like a woman when they were together. Messages said that she couldn’t wait for her library meetings with him and that she knew it was wrong, but she started to fall in love with him.
Hurriedly, I went out other messages and looked for Derrick, but there was no contact. I looked into a search bar and typed Derrick and low and behold, under a different alias named Jenny, there were nudes, sexting, and plans to meet up almost every evening of the week when I was away on business trips.
I was so disgusted and I didn't know what to do. But logically I needed to ensure I had this contact, so I wrote down the number and information and put the message screen back to her sister.
Suddenly, this life I had thought I was leading was crumbling down. An affair… for how long? Was it just him? Was it sexual? Emotional? Have my girls seen him?
So many questions running through my mind, and behind the anger, I felt blame. If I had spent more time with May, then she wouldn’t have to chase another man.
After twenty minutes, I woke up the girls and we all went to the ER. On the way, I got a call from the hospital asking if I was June’s father and I said yes, and it turned out she had acute appendicitis and was in surgery.
I didn’t relay this to my girls who were already sleepy, and we just rode in silence with my thoughts and this whole thing. I couldn’t be mad at the moment, I had to be there for June.
Thankfully, June was okay and was allowed to go home after three days. I took off from work for the week and spent as much time with my girls as possible. May had her exam coming up and she would say goodbye to me every night at 630. She wanted to kiss me goodbye, but it was always painful when I knew that she kissed “derrick” with those same lips every night.
On Thursday, when she left, Lilly came out of her room and came to my room. She was tired and looked like she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she admitted to me that she had seen Derrick before in our house. She said him by name. Lilly had been thinking of telling me for some time but was always so scared. However, she was sick of it. Not just that, oh no there was so much I was missing.
What Lilly said to me was heart aching. She admitted to me that ever since she was five, she had to play mom. May apparently locked herself in her room all day and either slept or ate. There were periods where Lilly wouldn’t see May for up to three days at a time. Food would get so low that Lilly would have to make three to four trips to the grocery store and back on her bike just to get a decent amount of groceries. She had been learning to cook but wasn’t very good at it.
Additionally, she felt like her mom never liked her. She said she had tried to talk to May on various occasions about depression symptoms, but her mom always said that what she was feeling was normal. Then, Lilly said she was worried about her weight to May, and May said that Lilly wasn’t at her “ideal” body weight yet and she needed to continue restricting meals.
Yes. You heard that right. She was telling Lilly to have one meal a day that being lunch. Lilly had tennis for six hours a day, biked close to 10 miles, swam for two hours, and then had to watch over her siblings.
I was sick. I wanted to throw things, I wanted to scream at May, I wanted to divorce her and sue her and everything was so red.
Lilly said she hadn’t told me because she was scared to. And god, everything now was making sense. I told Lilly that this would be last time that May anything like that to her, and that if she wanted, I could put her into counseling to talk about her feelings.
She begged me to not say anything or do anything or else it would ruin the family. She said that she would ruin the family. But I told her that this has gone too far. I told her I loved her and that I would make sure that she couldn’t be hurt anymore. She asked me to promise her, and I did.
It was when May got back that I wanted to tell her that I knew everything, but I decided to wait until the next day when the girls were gone.Well, the day came and when the girls were gone I confronted May about the cheating. She denied it at first, saying that I was being ridiculous and that she would never cheat on me. However, I had prepared for this. I had messaged her sister prior to our discussion and her sister had admitted to me that she couldn’t hide this any longer. I also had her “boyfriend’s number” written down.
When I asked May about the number, she denied it. But when I asked if I could put the phone number in the search bar for her phone, she hesitated greatly before giving her phone to me. I put in the number and the messages came up.
Suddenly, May was crying, begging me to not leave her and that I was everything to her. She would end the affair, that it was only because I was gone so much and she had to take care of the children. I then screamed at her asking her about the days she locked herself in her room. Where the girls had to ask friends for rides to their schools (two of them didn't have buses) because she couldn’t get out of bed.
I asked her why she didn’t get Lilly consoling, why Lilly had to be the mom that she wasn't.
May was crying and said that if I left her, she would take her life. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. May suddenly went to the kitchen and grabbed a large knife, putting it to her throat and threatening to take her life right then and there.
I pleaded for her to put the knife away, but she said she would only do that if I forgave her. She said she would stop the affair and be a better mother, but I had to forgive her to do so.
I said I forgave her and then she cried into my shirt saying thank you.
This was two weeks ago.
Now, I am not sure what to do. I have started looking into divorce attorneys and alternate places to go with my girls. My business schedule is so busy that it will be incredibly difficult for me to get remote work, but I have emailed my boss explaining my situation.
The issue I am having is that all our family is over sixteen hours away. I haven’t told my parents, I haven’t told anyone. Besides Reddit now.
I want to divorce May and take my daughters. I have found a cheap two bedroom condo that is on sale; I sent out an email asking the landlord how much it would be to move in as soon as possible.
I can’t mess with our accounts at the moment or else May will become suspicious. It’s so difficult having to do this because May has reminded me that I forgave her and that we should move on for the sake of the girls.
She apparently broke it off with Derrick but I think she’s with him. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hope to update when my boss gets back to me.
Sorry if this was a rant/ramble. I have no one to share this with in real life, and I feel like my world is falling apart. I am home right now taking a few remote days so I can watch over my daughter.
I don’t know what it is like being a single dad; I will have to fight tooth and nail to make sure that I even get my girls. May can easily concoct a story saying that I was abusive and that she should have the girls because I am often away on work and am not willing to co-parent with her.
I don’t know. Thanks for listening.

Okay so warning this will be long and no my grammar and punctuation will not be correct 😭 we are also 5-6 hours away from each other
I’ve been talking to this guy for about 3 weeks now, when we first started talking (we met on a dating app) he asked me what I was looking for and he as VERY SPECIFIC on what I wanted. I told him I wanted a serious relationship someone I can grow with and get married to in the future so basically I was dating to marry or in more Christian terms I was courting to marry lol. We eventually moved to talked on snap and things was GREAT I told him about my past experiences and how scarred and broken I am but that I also was slowly working on myself and overcoming those scars. He has been the first guy to actually listen to my anxiety rants and constantly asking if he’s ghosting me when I don’t hear for more than two days.
First incident:He didn’t respond for three days I called and texted wasn’t sure what to do then on the fourth day he told me he was in the hospital for a 4 wheeler accident he had proof (not saying I wouldn’t have believed him without it but my sister boyfriend literally faked a broken arm so she wouldn’t move back to our home state and leave him).
Second incident:He went to a hotel with his sister, her boyfriend, and her co workers (now this one i kinda don’t believe). He only didn’t respond for a day which wasn’t bad but I still felt like I was being ghosted but when I called the next day he said it was because the hotel didn’t have good internet (his phone was off atm because he owed the service company $700 for missed payment) and yes that could be true but I’ve brought my ps4 to a hotel that wasn’t even high in rates and it worked perfectly fine on their internet.
So now it was time for use to meet it was the night before he was going to come visit, as we are going over the details we hand up (which was only supposed to be for like 30 minutes top maybe) so he can discuss with his sister on how much she could cover him for the bus ticket. Next day rolls around still haven’t heard anything from him, I got a little crazy and found his sister fb and texted asking if everything was okay and if he was still coming, she said he broke his phone and when he woke up she would tell him I texted. Few hours go by and he text me on snap saying he was using his sister phone since his broke which he accidentally while drunk, he was pissed off that the money he had saved up to come visit me unexpectedly had to go to court fees that weren’t even due for another couple months (this I do believe because he’s already told me about his history and that he’s on probation and of course I don’t want him going to jail for missing a payment so I understood).Anyway he said he got paid on Tuesdays and would go buy a new one then with a different service company because he’s a new customer they told him he’d only have to pay $80 in back pay while they cover the remainder if he switched over to them. He gave me his sister number just in case i need to contact him for an emergency or something since it would only be 4 days he’d be without a phone.
Okay so here’s where I’m at and need advice on after the backstory.
Obviously it’s Tuesday (unless our time zones are different lol) he still hasn’t texted or anything plus yesterday he was literally active on messenger and reposted a post but didn’t even respond to none of my text. I’m confused because he has said many times that he’s serious on wanting this to become something I mean he even deleted the app we met on. I’m just confused because I feel like I’m getting ghosted YET AGAIN (which I don’t know why this keeps happening and it’s always around the third week (maybe I’m cursed😭😭)) but my mind is also telling me no way he’d do that since you told him your past and he gave me his sister number, now when I texted the first time asking for him she said he wasn’t home because he had been at a friends house for a few days and when he got back she would let him know, but when I also asked if she knew when that would be she replied “idk”. I’m also not very good with nonchalant people or just social cues and all that in general.I’m not sure if maybe he is serious and I should be more patient and just wait for him to text once he gets his new phone (if he really did break his phone 😒) or just be done all together because maybe he’s just leading me on and his sister is protecting him since their close and yea his business is not hers to tell but I would hope she would let me know if her brother wasn’t feeling me like that especially since he got me texting he phone for him almost every day😭. I had a situation like this in the past where my ex boyfriend cheated on me with his female best friend and when I asked hjs roommate who was a 50 year old lady also a long life family friend she lied and said that he was telling the truth and that the girl was just trying to create drama and he didn’t actually cheat. I just don’t want to think like that but with my experiences I also don’t know what else to feel I mean he hasn’t texted me since Friday and the fact that he posted on Facebook but didn’t even respond to my messenger really has my head fucked up, because I feel like if really was just playing with me his sister would have blocked my number right now so I wouldn’t keep bothering her but at the same time like I said she could just protecting him. 🤷🏽‍♀️😮‍💨😭idk yall I feel like I’m going to fuck this up for myself and he’s the one true guy who actually listens and understands but on the other hand I want to save myself from another heartache because I can’t take another one.💔
I don’t care how harsh it is just give me the cold honest truth on what to do because I have no fucking clue😂😂

According to this Wall Street Journal report from May, Elon Musk talked with Trump about investing in a "data-driven" project to "prevent voter fraud". (Elon Musk is reportedly speaking with Trump several times per month.)
When it comes to election integrity, why would anyone pick Trump as their partner?
Checking Elon's X feed gives us a clue. Elon habitually works against election integrity and must think Trump is on the same page. You will see a bunch of Elon-boosted election-related conspiracies. You will see normalization of political violence through conspiracies. He has repeatedly gutted disinformation research teams at X, including half of its election integrity staff in September 2023. He even removed the ability to report election misinformation on the site. As someone who has worked in tech for over a decade, I cannot recall any tech leader (much less one as high-profile as Musk) who has attacked election integrity like Musk.
Since Elon has a lot to say about "voter fraud". Let's talk about actual election fraud.
“All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have,” Trump said. “Because we won the state.” Listen for yourself to Trump try to intimidate Georgia's Secretary of State Raffensperger into finding votes.
Elon's buddy Trump is an all-star of attempted election fraud. Here are some highlights of his broad effort to steal the 2020 election:

• intimidating election officials across the US. Both personally through phone calls and by extension through his MAGA mob, fueled by Trump-propagated conspiracy theories (including the one Fox News parroted and paid voting machine maker Dominion $787M to settle defamation claims over (because it was a lie)).
• filing frivolous lawsuits in an array of states, roundly shot down, even by right-leaning judges.
• schemes to produce fake electors, that his cronies (including his Chief of Staff Mark Meadows and campaign lawyer Kenneth Chesebro) are going to trial) for.
• promising to pardon 2020 Capitol rioters, including a lot of Proud Boy thugs, who are recruiting vigorously again. Remember when Trump told Proud Boys to "stand back and stand by"? Proud Boys are as close to Nazi brownshirts as we have today.
• loudly (and without justification) spreading the lie that 2020's election was stolen, doubling down day after day - radicalizing America on this point (far more than any presidential candidate ever has) and eroding the core tenets of democracy.

If Elon actually cared about election integrity, why would he partner with this man on the issue ^? 🤔
As craven as it sounds, with Trump and Elon, it's because likes attract.
Like Trump, Musk employs the Orwellian tactic of shouting about problems that they are making worse.
Like Trump, Elon is exposed to a very wide array of lawsuits, many through Tesla business dealings, that have the potential for jail time. And he has an outward disdain for the country's criminal justice system. It's fair to say that Elon, like Trump, is interested in "winning" elections to bend the system to change their courtroom fate.
If Elon actually cared about election integrity, he would be doing anything he could to keep Trump from returning to power. He is doing the opposite.
Unsurprising? We still need to care deeply about Musk's exceedingly cynical move. Not just because Elon is one of the richest people in the world, behind X, Tesla, SpaceX, xAI, and other major tech ventures, but because he's part of a broader trend of Silicon Valley elite moving hard to the right, like fellow Paypal alumnus David Sacks, who is hosting Trump fundraisers these days. We also need to care because we live in a post-Citizens United world, where infinite money can funnel into politics. We must care because your political positions cease to matter when election fraud is allowed to happen and its perpetrators prevail.
If election fraud perpetrators prevail, then everything is reduced to mob-style corruption, all the way down.
Beyond Elon
So many leaders of the US tech scene (people who point the money canons), not only look past Trump's election fraud entirely, but eagerly support Mr. "Find 11,780 votes". Take for example this Sequoia partner who, in his recent $300K donation announcement for Trump: 1) reduces Trump's 2020 sins to only "election denialism" (ignoring any of Trump's actions) and 2) when it comes to actual election fraud, only talks about Georgia's District Attorney, not what Trump is actually accused of.
Take this other Sequoia partner, who left Trump over January 6 Capitol riots, but then, in his recent post announcing support for Trump in 2024 - doesn't even mention why he abandoned him in the first place?! Not exactly a profile in courage. Across the industry, we are seeing people (who stand to make more money under Trump), purposefully ignore the what he did (a lot of) in the wake of the 2020 election.
I never thought of Sequoia as a particularly politcal VC firm, but I guess Trump support is what's "in" right now for ultra-rich Paypal mafia types, and staying politically aligned with Musk helps deal flow (Sequoia has participated in many Elon fundraises).
Gulp. Are these people too ashamed to mention Trump's 2020 election stealing when they announce their support for him, or are they intellectually dishonest, or both?
Ten years ago I was pretty optimistic about tech upstarts and their potential to change the world. But when the spoils of tech's monetization are wielded by men such as Musk, seemingly hell bent on doing anything to attain more power - including rallying behind election fraud people for government: I'm not as optimistic.
Tech leaders like Elon are marching the rest of us into a tech-fueled autocracy.
Feel free to crosspost or copy the text of this post however you see fit.
Quick thoughts on the movement to muzzle tech workers:
There is this growing hypocrisy of tech leaders' own increasing political activism despite an industry-wide *no politics in the workplace* crackdown they initiated (started in 2020 by Brian Armstrong's Mission Focused Company statement).
Take David Sacks, who was among the supporters of Armstrong's statement[1 , 2] but is now also ultra political. It looks like what was actually meant by people like him was: we are done with politics in the workplace if we are not aligned.
No one seems to have called them out on this yet.
To those of you who are in a "no politics in the workplace" workplace, where do you draw the line? Like, if you are somewhere where you are asked to shut up and not think about the big picture, while a growing number of influential tech leaders (who may either own or fund your company) are raising money and spreading conspiracies for Mr. "find 11,780" votes: when do you decide to talk in the workplace about it?

Hey , this is going to be some what of a positive vent . I’m so tired of making excuses for myself. I want to level up and do something more with my life . I came to the realization that my husband dose not love me . He might be even cheating on me but i honestly don’t care. We have been out of love for a long time. I just want to change my life so when he does leave me I’ll be ok . I hate that i stopped working and put myself completely in his care . He fight over 15$ with me and it’s so disgusting. He keep threatening he going to leave but I’m not buying into it . I know he just wants me to beg for him not to leave . So ladies if there is any side hustle you can recommend me that would so helpful. I’m doing my research and i have a little money and thing of investing it somewhere or something

As title says, Valve has practically infinite money at their disposal, so why don’t they just hire a team to make a working anti cheat for TF2?
Anti cheats aren’t exactly a niche area in the gaming scene, and I seriously doubt TF2 or the source engine is alien to outside devs, so what exactly are they losing by getting non-valve employees to make it? From what i’ve heard of Valve, their main issue is that they have a very small staff who are unincentivised to work on TF2, leading to the game going into disrepair.
The only reasons I could think of for why Valve wouldn’t do this is like… preserving the sanctity of their game? Like they only want their employees to work on it? Either that or they just REALLY don’t care about it, not enough to divert some money away from their infinite money generator at least.
It feels like such an obvious answer (game gets fixed, Valve gets PR, employees don’t have to work on old game) that surely I’m missing a massive flaw with this idea.

Does it ever get better?
DDday was 10 days ago. I spent the first night out of the house and in a hotel, I went back home to talk to him later that day. He truly and genuinely seems sorry and sincere about it. He said his affair was never physical, and he’s sworn by it since then. Even the message his AP sent me didn’t mention anything physical. He swears it was only when we were fighting and it was solely for attention and porn, basically. We’ve started therapy. He signed up for therapy before the cheating came out “to be better for our family” and he’s been attending. He even began attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings due to the fact he was subscribing to OF pages and sending money to various other girls (there was no communication with them other than this). Our relationship has been as back to “normal” as it can be, I miss him when we’re fighting. I just want to know, if we reconcile will I ever get over the flashbacks? The random waves of anger that come literally out of nowhere? I know trust will never be 100% again, but I don’t want to be angry forever. Positive answers only please, as I know staying in this relationship is probably stupid of me.

As to the title says. This is a long one I’m sorry, but I just feel like i have no one. I’m always too much. My whole life I swayed from blood relations and getting close to family, either because they let me down or i just didn’t feel anything towards them. I felt like that type of love comes from force of nature, and pure real love comes from nothing , the typical cartoony “true love”. Thats all I wanted. Someone true and reliable and trustworthy. My grandmother died awhile ago. She was not like the rest of my family. She was the one good, borderline holly person. The reason I didn’t have a relationship with her is bc i didn’t feel like I deserved to be close to her. Now she died. She didn’t own her place to we had a little over a month to pack up our childhoods. My sister is having an easier time than me since she was raised by her and had more time wit her. Guilt free. I moved around a lot between two countries on opposite sides of the world and to a lot of different apts/ houses, and I never learned to make friendships and never had a need for them. I naturally don’t care about ppl outside a few at a time. My grandmothers place is the only place that stayed my whole life. Its all gona and someone else will live there now after 30 years. I wantnto die. Theres nothing I can do about this. My gf is also trans newly out. When we met she had a lot of money which she spent in less than a year, some on us, some on the other trans guy she was cheated on me with. A lot happened, I didn’t respond as harsh as I expected to, she broke up with him and stayed with me. This was a well over year ago. She ran out of the money, we’ve been living under my paycheck since. She barely applies to jobs after seeing come home in pain and exhaustion. I wish someone loved me enough. I tried giving all the context i’m sorry if its all over the place

Hi everyone. Im really desperate right now im not gonna lie. I am 24M in a third world country and im studying something that i hate from depths of my heart. I failed last 2 semesters again and im probably gonna study for 4 more semesters. I was in an exchange program in italy for a year between 21-22 and i started to discover myself. I really love music and im geeked about it not just the history of it also making it. I was chasing crypto for a year and lets say I screwed a year’s average salary in my country. I was so desperate to go back to europe but my family quite good for having a scholarship yet i cant afford study fees+life cost in the same time. All my peers are partying and having fun while im having anxiety attacks in my room all day. I feel obligated to re up my money that i screwed in crypto by continuing it but i also have to put this damn phone away to focus on my studies for real. The situation i got in started with my girlfriend cheating on me a year and half ago and i just got to start thinking about my own life a month ago. I feel like im getting older and older for the fun times and also not improving/moving forward in my life. Idk what to do at this point. Sometimes im thinking about ending it all but i dont wanna make my mom sad. I let %80 of my friends go because i have changed so much. I dont have a girlfriend because i always think about my future and cant be in present. I really dont know how to react to my life right now.

Sorry for poor formatting doing this on my phone in a Greek toilet. Me (m22) and my brother (m20) have never gotten along smoothly we had our moments where we did but for the most part he has always been a massive showoff trying to one up everyone especially me our entire lives. When is was 20 and he was 18 he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 or 5 years another terrible saga of trying to one up me who at that point had been with my current girlfriend for 3 years and throughout that time he had always tried to make her look bad at any opportunity and called her racist names (she is East-Asian) and make stereotypical racist jokes to her which I would always shut down even at one point convinced my mum with the help of a former friend of mine I was paying her 500 gbp a month to be with me. This was of course disproven and he faced no consequences as he was just a concerned brother "looking out for me". This brings us to the major shitshow after the breakup he started dating G (22f currently) who had been awful towards me throughout our time at high-school always calling me names and spurring on the other lads to join in even resulting in physical violence at points it was a bad 5 years for me but I thought I finally put that behind me and he brings her to my doorstep and as if this wasn't enough maybe having a child at 17 had matured her how very wrong I was she was still that awful girl I had always known. Once how she was with me had Been brought to the families attention it took months of me refusing to go to family gatherings etc. because she would be there and I had no interest in seeing her or my awful brother a few months of this later and they announce she is pregnant the day before my birthday and everyone is... Devastated myself included their reactions to my brother antics finally made sense but this was yet to be topped he had begun hanging around with her friend who honestly were scumbags teen mums with absent baby daddies and wannabe gang members. One of these great friends on finding out my mother had told him to never bring G in front of her again called my mum on my brothers phone and threatened to "stab her up" needless to say my mum was not threatened and told him she would "handcuff him to her car bumper and drag him down the street" all whilst my brother laughed at his friend whilst he threatened my brother down the phone my dad was completely useless during this whole ordeal as he seems to forgive logan immediately and fix everything as soon as he shows up and says "sorry" well the months go by and they eventually break up and logan comes back crying to dad the same dad he left crying over a turkey on Christmas day and is instantly forgiven much to my dismay at this point everyone is still expecting the baby to be his until she calls up one day giggling saying its not his because she cheated on him with 5 other guys including the one who threatened my mum and her other baby daddy of course he was devastated but I hate to say I told him so but I did tell him so when he told me he was seeing her. Alas it is not over yet this was over a year ago now she gave birth to a girl who looks remarkably similar to my brother but that story isn't otlver yet he hasn't asked for a test and she hasn't asked for money yet so we will leave that one alone. There are many other reasons I hate him and if you want some more stories I am happy to oblige in the comments. Anyway a few months later he finds a new girl who is nice I'm still not speaking to him but at least he is not hurting mum and dad anymore then he gets her pregnant and everyone is overjoyed besides my dad girlfriend, me, my older(m27) and younger(m17) brothers oh and who can forget grandads silent disapproval at this time to flood gates broke I had been avoiding him for 2 years and suddenly to occasional "talk to your brother" turns to "will the next time you speak to your brother be at my funeral" my usual reply would be "I wouldnt even speak to him there why would I need to?" but everyone is on my back and has been for 6 months since they announced the pregnancy. Please help me this is so stressful. I will provide info if you need it. Sorry this doesn't make much sense.

I (38F) would like to start the process of divorce from my husband (39M) of 17 years. My reasoning is that I don't trust him, he uses social media to follow naked women and when I tell him how I feel, he says it is my problem because I am insecure. However, he has used social media in the past to cheat, but he says I should be happy he is only looking.
However, the house and all of the bills are in my name. He sends me some money from his check, but I buy groceries, cover repairs and insurance, pay utilities, buy what the kids need, etc, and am deeply in debt because of the lack of help. He refuses to leave because he says I am throwing everything away over nothing. I can't afford another place to stay for the required year of separation. Do I have any other options?
Thank you in advance.

Imagine if in your youth, you've had the idea of being married planted in your head and your destiny has been decided and predetermined (both Stolas' and Stella have this in common), yet upon meeting your betrothed and becoming engaged, he/she remains aloof and melancholy. You are uncertain if this is their natural state or if you are the cause of their misery (this is where you begin to doubt yourself and your self worth, maybe for the first time).
For the first few months/years, you attempt to show love, affection, tenderness and vulnerability in the hopes that it will be returned, you may confide in family and close friends to get advice as to remedy the divide between yourself and your partner. Alas, all of your efforts are in vain, affection is ineffective, passion is non-existent, and sexual intimacy is like having sex with a corpse, all of this as friends and family and society pressure you to produce an heir with someone who you believe genuinely hates you and can't tolerate your presence (Stolas' "bitch crying" and lack of bedroom engagement). So, slowly, ever so slowly, hate begins to creep in. Unbeknownst to you, your husband/wife has been in love with another and doesn't trust you enough to ever have an honest conversation with you! Maybe there was a lover or potential lover you gave up on for the sake of society as well.
You aren't a friend, lover, or confidant to the person you married and now have a child for but as you watch your spouse interact with your child, you see the kindness, affection and love that you've always wanted eminate from this individual and being poored into this child. This child, born of your body, born of the societal expectation to produce an heir, not out of love, not out of passion, but quite literally as an insurance policy, is now receiving a deluge of love, whereas you can't even get a drop! And with that, the hatred consumes your heart, the very image of your partner holding your own child shows you the one thing you'll never have...love. Now, every time you see your child, you're reminded of how you'll never be loved like that, held like that, wanted like that. To be honest, I don't think I could bring myself to hold my child either, it would just hurt too much.
Finally, the dagger through my heart, I find out that my partner is fucking cheating on me...So, I don't get love, affection, tenderness, just ABC starfish, limp-body sex, responsibility and hatred! I soothe myself with substances, which only clouds my mind and increases my rage! Then, my partner publicly shames and divorces me for someone of "lesser value" (You're a millionaire and your wife leaves you for the pool boy).
Your partner leaves you, but you have to leave the house, you feel like your kid hates you (you feel conflicted like you do and don't deserve it), and now all you want is for your partner to hurt as bad as you do. Stella sounds like a sad and jaded divorced dad...
The saddest thing is Paimon could have avoided all of this by explaining stuff to Stolas. If Stolas had been taught how to properly navigate high society, he could have hashed out a deal with Stella from the start. If Stella KNEW she was a beard, she could have had her own romance while Stolas had his, it would have prevented decades of misery on both sides. Paimon probably has multiple children, both legitimate and illegitimate, because he's a noble, but really because he's a callous piece of shit. He probably never felt he needed to explain the "marry for money, fuck who you love" concept because as a powerful sociopath he understands and lives that concept innately. (For those who are unfamiliar with this concept, you've probably never had rich friends. Wealthy people are renowned for their lack of chastity and fidelity due to their wealth and status, understanding that as long as paternity of your child is with your partner, you can sleep around as you like.
TLDR: Stella is a stand in for men in marriage, you're settled for and hated, starved of intimacy while still expected to perform societal duties, eventually embarrassed, gaslit, then divorced and having to leave your home!
((Stolas is repeating the same pattern of emotional isolation and rumination. He shut out his wife because he never liked her. He's shutting out Blitzo because he didn't immediately respond in the way he wanted. While as a shut-in, I identify with Stolas torturous isolation, the fact that none of his imps have a close relationship with him is a major red flag. Emotional intimacy is something you practice over time with those closest to you, both physically and geographically, he hasn't been doing that, I don't think he knows what love is. He's obsessed with/fixated on Blitzo, not in love. Stolas doesn't know himself, his daughter, his ex, or Blitzo well enough to really love them. He really needs to grow as a person more before he can love. At this point and time, the only things he can love are his books and his tv dramas.))