A little information about myself: I 25M, a working professional earning sufficiently. I stand at 5'11", and in the looks department, I would rate myself a 7/10 (or 8 when I dress up really well). I have a normal BMI.

What's the point of this post?

To be honest, nothing concrete. I simply want to share my journey over the past 1.5 years of actively seeking someone to date and the physical and mental changes I've undergone. I'll also update you on my weight loss journey, just for kicks. (And I also know you don't give crap, but maybe this might help you?)
You know, as kids, even the slightest unique thing excited us—it didn't matter how expensive or "rare" it was; it piqued our curiosity and occupied our thoughts for weeks. But once the novelty wore off, we discarded it. It was alright; it's just a materialistic thing. Along the way, we find a lot of things; we can't keep everything with us. As kids, we did the same with people too. We distanced ourselves from those who stopped giving us chocolate and toys. That's how it was.
But things change as we grow up. We spend 25 years of our lives learning not to "throw" people away when they stop giving us what we want. People aren't toys; they're emotional investments. We learn to cherish them, to look out for them, to seek that emotional bond. It's not as simple as it was when we were kids.
So hello everyone, this is my journey of self-evaluation and dating.
The Journey:
Starting weight: 120 kgs.
About my past relationships, I had this one girl I was with for 7 years. During our time together, I thought she was "the one." I didn't feel the need to look further. But I was wrong. Because guess what? She cheated on me. Yes, the girl who meant the world to me cheated on me. But the most surprising part was, I didn't cry. I don't know why, but I just didn't. There was something missing while I was with her. I never felt that spark. I just accepted that this was love. But no, it wasn't. It was merely a habit. We mistake "habit" for love. I have a habit of taking the train daily for work. Does that mean I love my commute? No, I don't. I should have realized this earlier.
After our breakup, just 4 months later, I got into a friends-with-benefits situation at my workplace. You won't believe me when I say this—the connection I felt with that girl was something I had never experienced in my seven years with my ex. The feeling was amazing. You know that feeling of lying under a tree's shade with a gentle amount of sunshine on your face? It was similar to that. It was magical, it was exhilarating. But it didn't last long; we had to part ways due to personal reasons. But I learned an important lesson in the 4 months we spent together.
I would never equate love with the amount of time spent with someone. You can fall in love with someone in a week; sometimes, even 25 years aren't enough for love to flourish.
Since then, I have been single for 4 years, actively looking for someone through various communication channels.

1. Offline (Friends of friends, acquaintances, workplace, etc.): There was this girl I had known since childhood. I randomly found her on Instagram, DM'ed her, and we started talking. It was nice and peaceful; she replied. I helped her with a few things, and we grew closer. Then suddenly, she said, "I am not looking for anything right now, you know." Mind you, I never hinted at a relationship nor gave off desperate vibes. She said this out of the blue. Her reasoning was that her ex had broken her heart, and she needed time to heal. I was honestly okay with it and stopped texting her. Then one day, she randomly texted me and asked, "What happened?" I replied, "Nothing, I don't want to bother you, and I don't want to get friend-zoned" (yes, I literally said this). She said that this was very selfish of me. Then of course, it wrapped up like that; although we are still in touch, we just don't talk like that anymore. In between, I learned from her friend that she's seeing someone. I mean, even her friend was confused. She said, "The guy she's been seeing lately is not even 10% of you." I just said, "No problem, I'm happy for her."
   And this seriously taught me that I could be the tastiest chocolate in the world, but some people just prefer strawberry.
   Then after her, I thought of cold approaching people, and I DID THAT AS WELL. And boy, it was one horrifying experience. PLEASE DO NOT COLD APPROACH ANYONE. You should at least know them even a little bit.
   I really can't blame them, to be honest. With the rising rape and harassment cases (and false rape and harassment charges against men), people are on guard 24/7. It was much better pre-COVID, I remember.
   At work, there was a girl, my senior. Here also, we spoke for hours, but she had really traditional views on gender roles. Like a guy should make the first move for relationships. I have already posted about this, here's a glimpse of the post -
   On her last day at work, she informed me that she had always liked me, that she enjoyed the way I spoke to her, assisted her, and respected her. I was surprised because I hadn't expected this, and I instantly asked her why she hadn't mentioned it sooner.
   What she said truly angered me.
   "It's not my job to initiate," she explained, "it's always a man's duty to chase."
   WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
   Yes, I understand that women are taught since childhood not to be "easy," or else others will think she's a sl*t. Additionally, they face a greater security risk than men, and men outnumber women, etc.
   Also, I argued with her for an hour straight over it, and she finally told me, "you're sucking the fun out of it by not chasing; you have to win me."
   We don't live in the 1800s, for crying out loud.
   Weight: 105 kgs.
   
2. Reddit:
   Yeah, I tried my luck here as well.
   A random woman DM'ed me asking for flats nearby her area. I helped her with the same. She used to randomly text me asking how I was doing and all. One day, she sent me a text, and it was really weird. I ghosted her.
   Then another girl DM'ed me after one of my posts on indiangirlsontinder. She was nice. We spoke for hours every night. Then she sent me her photo and deleted it, then blocked me. I don't know what happened to this day.
   I DM'ed a girl randomly on sub I found, and this time it was intense. She asked for my Snapchat; it turned out she was from the Philippines. What an amazing woman she was. We hit it off instantly, and there was a strong connection. She told me literally everything about her, from past relationships to her family background, everything. She used to send me snaps every day. I even planned to meet her. But there was something that bothered me. I saw her history on Reddit. It was pretty normal, but one of her comments irked me. It was something like "You should never make the first move on a guy, never lower your value." And this really reflected in our conversations. SHE NEVER TEXTED ME FIRST. But when I texted her, she replied quickly and with enthusiasm. But this bothered me. A lot. I hate traditional gender roles and wanted to put her to the test. So one day, I stopped texting her to see if she would reach out to me. But she didn't. I had to reach out to her. And she said, "I knew you would come back." I honestly ignored it and played along for a few more days. Deep down, her not making the first move bothered me a lot. So this time, I tried a different approach. I suggested moving from Snapchat to a different platform to see if she would comply out of respect for the effort I made by initiating the conversation every time and for listening to her rants every day. Guess what? She didn't. She said, "No, I can't switch from Snapchat." Then I said, "Okay, if you ever want to speak to me, text me on my number" (and I gave her my number). Then I stopped texting her. After five days of no communication, she unfriended me on Snapchat (I was her BFF according to Snapchat). I never heard from her again.
   

What I learned is to never play games and to be clear about your feelings from the beginning and not play along. The outcome you're expecting is probably correct.
Weight: 95 kgs.

1. Friendship Apps:

So I tried these so-called "make friends" apps like "Slowly."
Here's how it works: you send a letter to someone, and it takes time to reach them depending on how far they are from your location. For example, if I receive a letter from someone in Russia, I have to wait 12 hours for it to show up in my inbox. It requires patience.
But with my love for writing (as you can already tell), I actually managed to interest 2-3 girls with this app. One was from Indonesia, another from Russia, and finally one from Bangalore and one from Kochi.
The Indonesian girl was cute, but her English was kind of bad, though I understood what she wanted to convey. The wait time was 8 hours, and we exchanged 15 letters with an average of 450 words each. But I ghosted her because her last letter was a long rant about her ex, and it was clear she wasn't over him.
The Russian girl was like a teacher; I could feel her sharpness and maturity through the screen. The wait time was 18 hours, and we exchanged 18 letters with an average of 300 words each. But something felt off; I couldn't explain it. Finally, she ghosted me for reasons unknown.
The girl from Kochi—what a girl. She sent me a letter first. We hit it off instantly, and after just 4 letters, she asked for my Telegram or phone number. We chatted there, and what she said was shocking. She clarified that she had a boyfriend. I appreciated her honesty, but I couldn't invest so much effort into just a friendship. So we mutually agreed to stop talking.
Then there was the girl from Bangalore. What an amazing woman... Seriously. She sent me a letter first, and we exchanged 28 letters with an average of 750 words each! Of course, as you may have guessed, this led to a relationship. In the final letter, I shared my number. The letter was supposed to reach her at 3:38 in the morning, and that girl actually set an alarm to wake up and read it, THEN TEXTED ME AT 3:40 IN THE MORNING. I was flattered by her efforts. Then we had calls and stuff. But after 2 days, something crossed my mind. And as you already know, I take my feelings seriously at this point. Again, the spark issue. It was missing. Don't get me wrong; she matched my energy and put in efforts, but deep down, that spark was again missing. I asked myself, "What's wrong? Do you want to repeat that 7-year mistake again?" It was confusing. The feeling of that 4-month FWB resurfaced (I wasn't missing the girl, but the connection). I compared the two and got my answer. I wasn't willing to repeat the same mistake. I told her that we needed to cut it off; she cried, told me she would change everything about herself, but I told her not to do this. I knew she would forget about me in a week, and then I blocked her from everywhere. I felt bad for breaking her heart; I shouldn't have led her on. I slapped myself, literally.
Something I learned is that just because you're having a good time with someone doesn't mean you can be together forever. There has to be a spark, and it doesn't come from long conversations but from an unexplainable connection.
Weight: 90 kgs.

1. Dating Apps:

Okay, since I reached a normal BMI, I thought of giving dating apps a chance. And things are messed up here, man. Seriously. Who in their right mind would want to find true love here? Exceptions are always there, but these apps are for hookups and hookups only. Do not believe people who write "No hookups please" in their bios. They are lying.
Bumble, Hinge, and such apps—what a mess these apps are; it's literally a shopping mall of good-looking people. Initially, I installed the app and did my thing, uploaded my kind of photos, and wrote my original bio, only to get zero likes and matches. I got frustrated and reached out to my female friends; they said I looked "good" enough and should use it properly. Afterward, I reached out to this sub as well. I got many tips from this sub for these apps, like taking good pictures and writing a witty bio. And yes, I started getting matches. But the problems didn't end there. I encountered Atacama, Sahara, and Antarctica Deserts. The entitlement was unreal, my goodness. I can hold conversations pretty well; it's one of my skills. But my inner voice woke up again, and this time it told me, "Is it worth it?" "Is someone with ONLY good looks enough?" My inner voice has always saved me. So I just listened to it and stopped all these nonsense. This is just a summary; I have installed and deleted OLD apps back and forth multiple times (you can check my post history on how many times I have posted stuff here). I was only getting one or two matches a day, so that wasn't helping either.
So I concluded that OLD is not for me, and "be yourself" doesn't work online, nor do your conversation skills. My opinion is that this "Fast dating" culture is a cancer. It was alright till Fast food and fast fashion.
Now, do you think I stopped here? You are wrong.
Weight: 85 kgs

1. Matrimonial Apps:
   Also known as "formal dating apps." After all the chaos, I thought, maybe I'm more of an arranged marriage type of guy? Oh well...Shaadi.com and Jeevansaathi—these apps have turned into dating apps as well, the formal kind. I personally believe that people should get to know each other before considering drastic steps like marriage. I created my profile here with good formal photos and updated all my achievements, personality, upbringing, and income. But there's something else going on in this harem. I didn't know people actually emphasized income only. I mean, of course, arranged marriages are like business deals—you only get something if you are providing something too. But does this mean people treat arranged marriage as a last resort? They played around in their youth (both guys and girls), and now they want to settle for income and looks only because nobody would want a genuine relationship with them? So they're just going to live their lives in misery? What a sham.
   

The meaning of marriage itself has been corrupted, let alone relationships. I sometimes wonder what it will be like for the next generation. It's scary.
Weight: 82 kgs.

So, what's next from here?

Well, nothing concrete. I don't have any specific plans when it comes to relationships. My dad passed away 1.5 months ago, so out of respect for him, I will only form natural and meaningful relationships with people—I'll let it happen. He always told me, "Never chase people. Think about it in a real-life perspective: if someone is running behind you, you'll only get scared and run away faster. That's how it works in relationships too. You should walk alongside and beside them, not run behind them."

• My dad and I bought a flat together, and his dream was to buy another home. I'm just going to focus on that dream and also on buying a car. I'll wait and see what the future holds for me. Do I have any regrets? Well, I've learned a lot. I'm not the wisest man on the planet, but I'm wise enough not to fall again. If I do fall, I'll just get up with a smile and keep going.I started losing weight to get dates. I thought that would be enough. But no, it wasn't. I thought being myself was enough. It wasn't. Does this mean everyone is an asshole? They aren't.

This might sound cliché, but if you're doing something, do it for yourself. I started losing weight to get something, but now I'm doing it for myself, and I love it.
Current weight: 80 kgs. I've lost 40 kgs since then.
Thank you if you've actually read everything. Have a great life ahead.
P.S. If I ever find someone in the future, I'll try to come back and update it here.

A little information about myself: I 25M, a working professional earning sufficiently. I stand at 5'11", and in the looks department, I would rate myself a 7/10 (or 8 when I dress up really well). I have a normal BMI.

What's the point of this post?

To be honest, nothing concrete. I simply want to share my journey over the past 1.5 years of actively seeking someone to date and the physical and mental changes I've undergone. I'll also update you on my weight loss journey, just for kicks. (And I also know you don't give crap, but maybe this might help you?)
You know, as kids, even the slightest unique thing excited us—it didn't matter how expensive or "rare" it was; it piqued our curiosity and occupied our thoughts for weeks. But once the novelty wore off, we discarded it. It was alright; it's just a materialistic thing. Along the way, we find a lot of things; we can't keep everything with us. As kids, we did the same with people too. We distanced ourselves from those who stopped giving us chocolate and toys. That's how it was.
But things change as we grow up. We spend 25 years of our lives learning not to "throw" people away when they stop giving us what we want. People aren't toys; they're emotional investments. We learn to cherish them, to look out for them, to seek that emotional bond. It's not as simple as it was when we were kids.
So hello everyone, this is my journey of self-evaluation and dating.
The Journey:
Starting weight: 120 kgs.
About my past relationships, I had this one girl I was with for 7 years. During our time together, I thought she was "the one." I didn't feel the need to look further. But I was wrong. Because guess what? She cheated on me. Yes, the girl who meant the world to me cheated on me. But the most surprising part was, I didn't cry. I don't know why, but I just didn't. There was something missing while I was with her. I never felt that spark. I just accepted that this was love. But no, it wasn't. It was merely a habit. We mistake "habit" for love. I have a habit of taking the train daily for work. Does that mean I love my commute? No, I don't. I should have realized this earlier.
After our breakup, just 4 months later, I got into a friends-with-benefits situation at my workplace. You won't believe me when I say this—the connection I felt with that girl was something I had never experienced in my seven years with my ex. The feeling was amazing. You know that feeling of lying under a tree's shade with a gentle amount of sunshine on your face? It was similar to that. It was magical, it was exhilarating. But it didn't last long; we had to part ways due to personal reasons. But I learned an important lesson in the 4 months we spent together.
I would never equate love with the amount of time spent with someone. You can fall in love with someone in a week; sometimes, even 25 years aren't enough for love to flourish.
Since then, I have been single for 4 years, actively looking for someone through various communication channels.

1. Offline (Friends of friends, acquaintances, workplace, etc.): There was this girl I had known since childhood. I randomly found her on Instagram, DM'ed her, and we started talking. It was nice and peaceful; she replied. I helped her with a few things, and we grew closer. Then suddenly, she said, "I am not looking for anything right now, you know." Mind you, I never hinted at a relationship nor gave off desperate vibes. She said this out of the blue. Her reasoning was that her ex had broken her heart, and she needed time to heal. I was honestly okay with it and stopped texting her. Then one day, she randomly texted me and asked, "What happened?" I replied, "Nothing, I don't want to bother you, and I don't want to get friend-zoned" (yes, I literally said this). She said that this was very selfish of me. Then of course, it wrapped up like that; although we are still in touch, we just don't talk like that anymore. In between, I learned from her friend that she's seeing someone. I mean, even her friend was confused. She said, "The guy she's been seeing lately is not even 10% of you." I just said, "No problem, I'm happy for her."
   And this seriously taught me that I could be the tastiest chocolate in the world, but some people just prefer strawberry.
   Then after her, I thought of cold approaching people, and I DID THAT AS WELL. And boy, it was one horrifying experience. PLEASE DO NOT COLD APPROACH ANYONE. You should at least know them even a little bit.
   I really can't blame them, to be honest. With the rising rape and harassment cases (and false rape and harassment charges against men), people are on guard 24/7. It was much better pre-COVID, I remember.
   At work, there was a girl, my senior. Here also, we spoke for hours, but she had really traditional views on gender roles. Like a guy should make the first move for relationships. I have already posted about this, here's a glimpse of the post -
   On her last day at work, she informed me that she had always liked me, that she enjoyed the way I spoke to her, assisted her, and respected her. I was surprised because I hadn't expected this, and I instantly asked her why she hadn't mentioned it sooner.
   What she said truly angered me.
   "It's not my job to initiate," she explained, "it's always a man's duty to chase."
   WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
   Yes, I understand that women are taught since childhood not to be "easy," or else others will think she's a sl*t. Additionally, they face a greater security risk than men, and men outnumber women, etc.
   Also, I argued with her for an hour straight over it, and she finally told me, "you're sucking the fun out of it by not chasing; you have to win me."
   We don't live in the 1800s, for crying out loud.
   Weight: 105 kgs.
   
2. Reddit:
   Yeah, I tried my luck here as well.
   A random woman DM'ed me asking for flats nearby her area. I helped her with the same. She used to randomly text me asking how I was doing and all. One day, she sent me a text, and it was really weird. I ghosted her.
   Then another girl DM'ed me after one of my posts on indiangirlsontinder. She was nice. We spoke for hours every night. Then she sent me her photo and deleted it, then blocked me. I don't know what happened to this day.
   I DM'ed a girl randomly on sub I found, and this time it was intense. She asked for my Snapchat; it turned out she was from the Philippines. What an amazing woman she was. We hit it off instantly, and there was a strong connection. She told me literally everything about her, from past relationships to her family background, everything. She used to send me snaps every day. I even planned to meet her. But there was something that bothered me. I saw her history on Reddit. It was pretty normal, but one of her comments irked me. It was something like "You should never make the first move on a guy, never lower your value." And this really reflected in our conversations. SHE NEVER TEXTED ME FIRST. But when I texted her, she replied quickly and with enthusiasm. But this bothered me. A lot. I hate traditional gender roles and wanted to put her to the test. So one day, I stopped texting her to see if she would reach out to me. But she didn't. I had to reach out to her. And she said, "I knew you would come back." I honestly ignored it and played along for a few more days. Deep down, her not making the first move bothered me a lot. So this time, I tried a different approach. I suggested moving from Snapchat to a different platform to see if she would comply out of respect for the effort I made by initiating the conversation every time and for listening to her rants every day. Guess what? She didn't. She said, "No, I can't switch from Snapchat." Then I said, "Okay, if you ever want to speak to me, text me on my number" (and I gave her my number). Then I stopped texting her. After five days of no communication, she unfriended me on Snapchat (I was her BFF according to Snapchat). I never heard from her again.
   

What I learned is to never play games and to be clear about your feelings from the beginning and not play along. The outcome you're expecting is probably correct.
Weight: 95 kgs.

1. Friendship Apps:

So I tried these so-called "make friends" apps like "Slowly."
Here's how it works: you send a letter to someone, and it takes time to reach them depending on how far they are from your location. For example, if I receive a letter from someone in Russia, I have to wait 12 hours for it to show up in my inbox. It requires patience.
But with my love for writing (as you can already tell), I actually managed to interest 2-3 girls with this app. One was from Indonesia, another from Russia, and finally one from Bangalore and one from Kochi.
The Indonesian girl was cute, but her English was kind of bad, though I understood what she wanted to convey. The wait time was 8 hours, and we exchanged 15 letters with an average of 450 words each. But I ghosted her because her last letter was a long rant about her ex, and it was clear she wasn't over him.
The Russian girl was like a teacher; I could feel her sharpness and maturity through the screen. The wait time was 18 hours, and we exchanged 18 letters with an average of 300 words each. But something felt off; I couldn't explain it. Finally, she ghosted me for reasons unknown.
The girl from Kochi—what a girl. She sent me a letter first. We hit it off instantly, and after just 4 letters, she asked for my Telegram or phone number. We chatted there, and what she said was shocking. She clarified that she had a boyfriend. I appreciated her honesty, but I couldn't invest so much effort into just a friendship. So we mutually agreed to stop talking.
Then there was the girl from Bangalore. What an amazing woman... Seriously. She sent me a letter first, and we exchanged 28 letters with an average of 750 words each! Of course, as you may have guessed, this led to a relationship. In the final letter, I shared my number. The letter was supposed to reach her at 3:38 in the morning, and that girl actually set an alarm to wake up and read it, THEN TEXTED ME AT 3:40 IN THE MORNING. I was flattered by her efforts. Then we had calls and stuff. But after 2 days, something crossed my mind. And as you already know, I take my feelings seriously at this point. Again, the spark issue. It was missing. Don't get me wrong; she matched my energy and put in efforts, but deep down, that spark was again missing. I asked myself, "What's wrong? Do you want to repeat that 7-year mistake again?" It was confusing. The feeling of that 4-month FWB resurfaced (I wasn't missing the girl, but the connection). I compared the two and got my answer. I wasn't willing to repeat the same mistake. I told her that we needed to cut it off; she cried, told me she would change everything about herself, but I told her not to do this. I knew she would forget about me in a week, and then I blocked her from everywhere. I felt bad for breaking her heart; I shouldn't have led her on. I slapped myself, literally.
Something I learned is that just because you're having a good time with someone doesn't mean you can be together forever. There has to be a spark, and it doesn't come from long conversations but from an unexplainable connection.
Weight: 90 kgs.

1. Dating Apps:

Okay, since I reached a normal BMI, I thought of giving dating apps a chance. And things are messed up here, man. Seriously. Who in their right mind would want to find true love here? Exceptions are always there, but these apps are for hookups and hookups only. Do not believe people who write "No hookups please" in their bios. They are lying.
Bumble, Hinge, and such apps—what a mess these apps are; it's literally a shopping mall of good-looking people. Initially, I installed the app and did my thing, uploaded my kind of photos, and wrote my original bio, only to get zero likes and matches. I got frustrated and reached out to my female friends; they said I looked "good" enough and should use it properly. Afterward, I reached out to this sub as well. I got many tips from this sub for these apps, like taking good pictures and writing a witty bio. And yes, I started getting matches. But the problems didn't end there. I encountered Atacama, Sahara, and Antarctica Deserts. The entitlement was unreal, my goodness. I can hold conversations pretty well; it's one of my skills. But my inner voice woke up again, and this time it told me, "Is it worth it?" "Is someone with ONLY good looks enough?" My inner voice has always saved me. So I just listened to it and stopped all these nonsense. This is just a summary; I have installed and deleted OLD apps back and forth multiple times (you can check my post history on how many times I have posted stuff here). I was only getting one or two matches a day, so that wasn't helping either.
So I concluded that OLD is not for me, and "be yourself" doesn't work online, nor do your conversation skills. My opinion is that this "Fast dating" culture is a cancer. It was alright till Fast food and fast fashion.
Now, do you think I stopped here? You are wrong.
Weight: 85 kgs

1. Matrimonial Apps:
   Also known as "formal dating apps." After all the chaos, I thought, maybe I'm more of an arranged marriage type of guy? Oh well...Shaadi.com and Jeevansaathi—these apps have turned into dating apps as well, the formal kind. I personally believe that people should get to know each other before considering drastic steps like marriage. I created my profile here with good formal photos and updated all my achievements, personality, upbringing, and income. But there's something else going on in this harem. I didn't know people actually emphasized income only. I mean, of course, arranged marriages are like business deals—you only get something if you are providing something too. But does this mean people treat arranged marriage as a last resort? They played around in their youth (both guys and girls), and now they want to settle for income and looks only because nobody would want a genuine relationship with them? So they're just going to live their lives in misery? What a sham.
   

The meaning of marriage itself has been corrupted, let alone relationships. I sometimes wonder what it will be like for the next generation. It's scary.
Weight: 82 kgs.

So, what's next from here?

Well, nothing concrete. I don't have any specific plans when it comes to relationships. My dad passed away 1.5 months ago, so out of respect for him, I will only form natural and meaningful relationships with people—I'll let it happen. He always told me, "Never chase people. Think about it in a real-life perspective: if someone is running behind you, you'll only get scared and run away faster. That's how it works in relationships too. You should walk alongside and beside them, not run behind them."

• My dad and I bought a flat together, and his dream was to buy another home. I'm just going to focus on that dream and also on buying a car. I'll wait and see what the future holds for me. Do I have any regrets? Well, I've learned a lot. I'm not the wisest man on the planet, but I'm wise enough not to fall again. If I do fall, I'll just get up with a smile and keep going.I started losing weight to get dates. I thought that would be enough. But no, it wasn't. I thought being myself was enough. It wasn't. Does this mean everyone is an asshole? They aren't.

This might sound cliché, but if you're doing something, do it for yourself. I started losing weight to get something, but now I'm doing it for myself, and I love it.
Current weight: 80 kgs. I've lost 40 kgs since then.
Thank you if you've actually read everything. Have a great life ahead.
P.S. If I ever find someone in the future, I'll try to come back and update it here.

A little information about myself: I 25M, a working professional earning sufficiently. I stand at 5'11", and in the looks department, I would rate myself a 7/10 (or 8 when I dress up really well). I have a normal BMI.

What's the point of this post?

To be honest, nothing concrete. I simply want to share my journey over the past 1.5 years of actively seeking someone to date and the physical and mental changes I've undergone. I'll also update you on my weight loss journey, just for kicks. (And I also know you don't give crap, but maybe this might help you?)
You know, as kids, even the slightest unique thing excited us—it didn't matter how expensive or "rare" it was; it piqued our curiosity and occupied our thoughts for weeks. But once the novelty wore off, we discarded it. It was alright; it's just a materialistic thing. Along the way, we find a lot of things; we can't keep everything with us. As kids, we did the same with people too. We distanced ourselves from those who stopped giving us chocolate and toys. That's how it was.
But things change as we grow up. We spend 25 years of our lives learning not to "throw" people away when they stop giving us what we want. People aren't toys; they're emotional investments. We learn to cherish them, to look out for them, to seek that emotional bond. It's not as simple as it was when we were kids.
So hello everyone, this is my journey of self-evaluation and dating.
The Journey:
Starting weight: 120 kgs.
About my past relationships, I had this one girl I was with for 7 years. During our time together, I thought she was "the one." I didn't feel the need to look further. But I was wrong. Because guess what? She cheated on me. Yes, the girl who meant the world to me cheated on me. But the most surprising part was, I didn't cry. I don't know why, but I just didn't. There was something missing while I was with her. I never felt that spark. I just accepted that this was love. But no, it wasn't. It was merely a habit. We mistake "habit" for love. I have a habit of taking the train daily for work. Does that mean I love my commute? No, I don't. I should have realized this earlier.
After our breakup, just 4 months later, I got into a friends-with-benefits situation at my workplace. You won't believe me when I say this—the connection I felt with that girl was something I had never experienced in my seven years with my ex. The feeling was amazing. You know that feeling of lying under a tree's shade with a gentle amount of sunshine on your face? It was similar to that. It was magical, it was exhilarating. But it didn't last long; we had to part ways due to personal reasons. But I learned an important lesson in the 4 months we spent together.
I would never equate love with the amount of time spent with someone. You can fall in love with someone in a week; sometimes, even 25 years aren't enough for love to flourish.
Since then, I have been single for 4 years, actively looking for someone through various communication channels.

1. Offline (Friends of friends, acquaintances, workplace, etc.): There was this girl I had known since childhood. I randomly found her on Instagram, DM'ed her, and we started talking. It was nice and peaceful; she replied. I helped her with a few things, and we grew closer. Then suddenly, she said, "I am not looking for anything right now, you know." Mind you, I never hinted at a relationship nor gave off desperate vibes. She said this out of the blue. Her reasoning was that her ex had broken her heart, and she needed time to heal. I was honestly okay with it and stopped texting her. Then one day, she randomly texted me and asked, "What happened?" I replied, "Nothing, I don't want to bother you, and I don't want to get friend-zoned" (yes, I literally said this). She said that this was very selfish of me. Then of course, it wrapped up like that; although we are still in touch, we just don't talk like that anymore. In between, I learned from her friend that she's seeing someone. I mean, even her friend was confused. She said, "The guy she's been seeing lately is not even 10% of you." I just said, "No problem, I'm happy for her."
   And this seriously taught me that I could be the tastiest chocolate in the world, but some people just prefer strawberry.
   Then after her, I thought of cold approaching people, and I DID THAT AS WELL. And boy, it was one horrifying experience. PLEASE DO NOT COLD APPROACH ANYONE. You should at least know them even a little bit.
   I really can't blame them, to be honest. With the rising rape and harassment cases (and false rape and harassment charges against men), people are on guard 24/7. It was much better pre-COVID, I remember.
   At work, there was a girl, my senior. Here also, we spoke for hours, but she had really traditional views on gender roles. Like a guy should make the first move for relationships. I have already posted about this, here's a glimpse of the post -
   On her last day at work, she informed me that she had always liked me, that she enjoyed the way I spoke to her, assisted her, and respected her. I was surprised because I hadn't expected this, and I instantly asked her why she hadn't mentioned it sooner.
   What she said truly angered me.
   "It's not my job to initiate," she explained, "it's always a man's duty to chase."
   WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
   Yes, I understand that women are taught since childhood not to be "easy," or else others will think she's a sl*t. Additionally, they face a greater security risk than men, and men outnumber women, etc.
   Also, I argued with her for an hour straight over it, and she finally told me, "you're sucking the fun out of it by not chasing; you have to win me."
   We don't live in the 1800s, for crying out loud.
   Weight: 105 kgs.
   
2. Reddit:
   Yeah, I tried my luck here as well.
   A random woman DM'ed me asking for flats nearby her area. I helped her with the same. She used to randomly text me asking how I was doing and all. One day, she sent me a text, and it was really weird. I ghosted her.
   Then another girl DM'ed me after one of my posts on indiangirlsontinder. She was nice. We spoke for hours every night. Then she sent me her photo and deleted it, then blocked me. I don't know what happened to this day.
   I DM'ed a girl randomly on sub I found, and this time it was intense. She asked for my Snapchat; it turned out she was from the Philippines. What an amazing woman she was. We hit it off instantly, and there was a strong connection. She told me literally everything about her, from past relationships to her family background, everything. She used to send me snaps every day. I even planned to meet her. But there was something that bothered me. I saw her history on Reddit. It was pretty normal, but one of her comments irked me. It was something like "You should never make the first move on a guy, never lower your value." And this really reflected in our conversations. SHE NEVER TEXTED ME FIRST. But when I texted her, she replied quickly and with enthusiasm. But this bothered me. A lot. I hate traditional gender roles and wanted to put her to the test. So one day, I stopped texting her to see if she would reach out to me. But she didn't. I had to reach out to her. And she said, "I knew you would come back." I honestly ignored it and played along for a few more days. Deep down, her not making the first move bothered me a lot. So this time, I tried a different approach. I suggested moving from Snapchat to a different platform to see if she would comply out of respect for the effort I made by initiating the conversation every time and for listening to her rants every day. Guess what? She didn't. She said, "No, I can't switch from Snapchat." Then I said, "Okay, if you ever want to speak to me, text me on my number" (and I gave her my number). Then I stopped texting her. After five days of no communication, she unfriended me on Snapchat (I was her BFF according to Snapchat). I never heard from her again.
   

What I learned is to never play games and to be clear about your feelings from the beginning and not play along. The outcome you're expecting is probably correct.
Weight: 95 kgs.

1. Friendship Apps:

So I tried these so-called "make friends" apps like "Slowly."
Here's how it works: you send a letter to someone, and it takes time to reach them depending on how far they are from your location. For example, if I receive a letter from someone in Russia, I have to wait 12 hours for it to show up in my inbox. It requires patience.
But with my love for writing (as you can already tell), I actually managed to interest 2-3 girls with this app. One was from Indonesia, another from Russia, and finally one from Bangalore and one from Kochi.
The Indonesian girl was cute, but her English was kind of bad, though I understood what she wanted to convey. The wait time was 8 hours, and we exchanged 15 letters with an average of 450 words each. But I ghosted her because her last letter was a long rant about her ex, and it was clear she wasn't over him.
The Russian girl was like a teacher; I could feel her sharpness and maturity through the screen. The wait time was 18 hours, and we exchanged 18 letters with an average of 300 words each. But something felt off; I couldn't explain it. Finally, she ghosted me for reasons unknown.
The girl from Kochi—what a girl. She sent me a letter first. We hit it off instantly, and after just 4 letters, she asked for my Telegram or phone number. We chatted there, and what she said was shocking. She clarified that she had a boyfriend. I appreciated her honesty, but I couldn't invest so much effort into just a friendship. So we mutually agreed to stop talking.
Then there was the girl from Bangalore. What an amazing woman... Seriously. She sent me a letter first, and we exchanged 28 letters with an average of 750 words each! Of course, as you may have guessed, this led to a relationship. In the final letter, I shared my number. The letter was supposed to reach her at 3:38 in the morning, and that girl actually set an alarm to wake up and read it, THEN TEXTED ME AT 3:40 IN THE MORNING. I was flattered by her efforts. Then we had calls and stuff. But after 2 days, something crossed my mind. And as you already know, I take my feelings seriously at this point. Again, the spark issue. It was missing. Don't get me wrong; she matched my energy and put in efforts, but deep down, that spark was again missing. I asked myself, "What's wrong? Do you want to repeat that 7-year mistake again?" It was confusing. The feeling of that 4-month FWB resurfaced (I wasn't missing the girl, but the connection). I compared the two and got my answer. I wasn't willing to repeat the same mistake. I told her that we needed to cut it off; she cried, told me she would change everything about herself, but I told her not to do this. I knew she would forget about me in a week, and then I blocked her from everywhere. I felt bad for breaking her heart; I shouldn't have led her on. I slapped myself, literally.
Something I learned is that just because you're having a good time with someone doesn't mean you can be together forever. There has to be a spark, and it doesn't come from long conversations but from an unexplainable connection.
Weight: 90 kgs.

1. Dating Apps:

Okay, since I reached a normal BMI, I thought of giving dating apps a chance. And things are messed up here, man. Seriously. Who in their right mind would want to find true love here? Exceptions are always there, but these apps are for hookups and hookups only. Do not believe people who write "No hookups please" in their bios. They are lying.
Bumble, Hinge, and such apps—what a mess these apps are; it's literally a shopping mall of good-looking people. Initially, I installed the app and did my thing, uploaded my kind of photos, and wrote my original bio, only to get zero likes and matches. I got frustrated and reached out to my female friends; they said I looked "good" enough and should use it properly. Afterward, I reached out to this sub as well. I got many tips from this sub for these apps, like taking good pictures and writing a witty bio. And yes, I started getting matches. But the problems didn't end there. I encountered Atacama, Sahara, and Antarctica Deserts. The entitlement was unreal, my goodness. I can hold conversations pretty well; it's one of my skills. But my inner voice woke up again, and this time it told me, "Is it worth it?" "Is someone with ONLY good looks enough?" My inner voice has always saved me. So I just listened to it and stopped all these nonsense. This is just a summary; I have installed and deleted OLD apps back and forth multiple times (you can check my post history on how many times I have posted stuff here). I was only getting one or two matches a day, so that wasn't helping either.
So I concluded that OLD is not for me, and "be yourself" doesn't work online, nor do your conversation skills. My opinion is that this "Fast dating" culture is a cancer. It was alright till Fast food and fast fashion.
Now, do you think I stopped here? You are wrong.
Weight: 85 kgs

1. Matrimonial Apps:
   Also known as "formal dating apps." After all the chaos, I thought, maybe I'm more of an arranged marriage type of guy? Oh well...Shaadi.com and Jeevansaathi—these apps have turned into dating apps as well, the formal kind. I personally believe that people should get to know each other before considering drastic steps like marriage. I created my profile here with good formal photos and updated all my achievements, personality, upbringing, and income. But there's something else going on in this harem. I didn't know people actually emphasized income only. I mean, of course, arranged marriages are like business deals—you only get something if you are providing something too. But does this mean people treat arranged marriage as a last resort? They played around in their youth (both guys and girls), and now they want to settle for income and looks only because nobody would want a genuine relationship with them? So they're just going to live their lives in misery? What a sham.
   

The meaning of marriage itself has been corrupted, let alone relationships. I sometimes wonder what it will be like for the next generation. It's scary.
Weight: 82 kgs.

So, what's next from here?

Well, nothing concrete. I don't have any specific plans when it comes to relationships. My dad passed away 1.5 months ago, so out of respect for him, I will only form natural and meaningful relationships with people—I'll let it happen. He always told me, "Never chase people. Think about it in a real-life perspective: if someone is running behind you, you'll only get scared and run away faster. That's how it works in relationships too. You should walk alongside and beside them, not run behind them."

• My dad and I bought a flat together, and his dream was to buy another home. I'm just going to focus on that dream and also on buying a car. I'll wait and see what the future holds for me. Do I have any regrets? Well, I've learned a lot. I'm not the wisest man on the planet, but I'm wise enough not to fall again. If I do fall, I'll just get up with a smile and keep going.I started losing weight to get dates. I thought that would be enough. But no, it wasn't. I thought being myself was enough. It wasn't. Does this mean everyone is an asshole? They aren't.

This might sound cliché, but if you're doing something, do it for yourself. I started losing weight to get something, but now I'm doing it for myself, and I love it.
Current weight: 80 kgs. I've lost 40 kgs since then.
Thank you if you've actually read everything. Have a great life ahead.
P.S. If I ever find someone in the future, I'll try to come back and update it here.

basically title. I'm diagnosed bipolar II.
I recently got out of a toxic relationship and I've been going a little wild. drinking binges, sleeping less because I've been out late at night, tons of dates and one night stands. I impulsively bought a ticket to London with my friends and had an amazing time and flings with some beautiful and cool europeon women, clubbing, etc. I've overspent like crazy (although I'm still financially stable and OK so far), but I've also been having the time of my life. it's been amazing for healing after the breakup and being happy being single. I don't know that I've ever felt this happy and free with such a joy for life. it's also obviously a lot for only being a couple months out of the relationship.
I've been on my meds for a few years and overall it's worked, but I'm not so sure now.
is this a just going a bit wild after a breakup or are these signs of a manic episode? I've always had a hard time noticing when I've been more manic.

Hi reddit ! I 25f need your point of view about my ex best friend 35transF because I'm feeling I'm the only one to see her true colors.
But first, a bit of a story. I 've known Barbara (not her real name) for 6 years. I knew her when she had a masculine name and encouraged her during her transition. Now she's a girl and proud of it (please don't insult her in the comments). But with the years I've seen her grow more and more wierd. She started to give me bad vibes and now I straight up can't stand her anymore. For some reason she also give me some Chris-chan vibes. You'll understand later.
The first thing she ever wanted was a girl to settle with. The thing is, there's always a drama with her and nobody wants to stay. She tried everything even going to lesbian clubs. She also tried online with dating sites and roleplay servers on GTA but the same thing happen again . The problem is always the same. She goes too seriously too fast and too possessive when there's nothing settled yet. She always came to me to talk about theses subjects and how she's sad that nobody wants to stay. I've always told her that she needfs to consider things litgher with the games, trying understand that the other person needs to adapt before settleling but she never listened. I think I've repeated it more than 7 times in total. At the end she always seems to try to pass for the victim in the story when she just wants to force things to happen in her hunger for love.
Her and I are members of a DnD style games club. We started together and we now have a few cessions on our own but we do still share one. Here's the part where I think she's toxic but nobody sees it. her characters are always between 14 and 16 years old and their goals is to find many girlfriends and have a harem (The ultimate goal she told me she had irl but couldn't have). If I never saw how she could flirt irl, I think that I know now. She's really invasive and insisting. If the player of the NPC says no, she's still trying with sentences like "yeah but we could still get to know each other" or "if you want to sleep with me, the door is open", etc. For some players it's cringe and some don't care. The excuse she gives is "I really don't know how to to speak IRL so I'm trying what I can". This is for the campaign I'm not in but my bf is playing with her and he told me everything. For the campaign where I'm with her, nobody seems to notice how toxic this behaviour is. Fortunatly it's not as intense but she has the bad habit to not care about the game and forgetting her own words which, in the game, gives the vibe that her character doesn't care either.
If that wasn't enough, and that's why my side can be biaised, she doesn't take care of herself. She can buy expensive japanese school uniforms, mini skirts and bows, everything but she doesn't take care or her hair (which still has bad growing like part balding) She wants to be feminine but doesn't care more thant the clothes. Which finish the Chris-chan vibe.
Is my opinion biasised ? Is she really toxic ? And how can I tell the others the truth without them thinking that I just don't like her ?

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TL; DR: my boyfriend had a supposedly platonic relationship for months with a girl I didn’t know (who he met with his friends at a club), and didn’t tell me about it until I saw a text pop up. Then lied to me about their friendship and only admitted the truth when showing me all their messages. He broke my trust and I don’t know how to move forward.
We’ve been together 1.5 years and long distance for about half. We try to see each other approx a total of a week every month. He’s the person I could see myself being with in the future, and he’s said the same. I thought he was entirely perfect before this.
A couple months ago while sharing his screen, a text popped up from a girl whose name I didn’t recognize that was confirming dinner plans. I didn’t say anything but he immediately tried to explain that she was a not-close friend he had met awhile back at a club (who he had told me about once, she and her friend went over to his and his friend’s apartment to cook dinner…), and that she was moving away so he was just going for a casual goodbye dinner. I was upset he hadn’t told me, but he explained he had only seen her a few times in group settings. Upsetting, but potentially an honest mistake, sure.
This kind of ate away at me for the past couple months and I finally fully brought it up last night. He ended up sharing his screen and scrolling through their texts for me. They were meeting up nearly every second day for months from when they met to when she left. There were some scenarios that seemed quite sketchy (him inviting her to his new apartment to see furniture they picked out together), but she did know about me, and I don’t think, based off of the messages at least, that he was cheating on me. I don’t think she knew that I didn’t know about her. Some of the messages were her talking about dates she’d been on with other guys.
He would text her after he dropped me off at the airport after a visit. He would text her things I thought he was only talking to me about. Their texts looked like our texts from when we started dating, minus any “I like you”/cutesy messages. He admitted to me it was a different relationship from his guy friends, and he would tell her more personal things.
He tells me how much he loves me and I truly don’t think he would cheat. I think he was emotionally cheating, in a way, but not physically. He told me he knew it was wrong not to tell me and that he had consulted his friends on it, because he felt weird not telling me. He said he justified it to himself because he knew he wouldn’t do anything physical with her. And said that he didn’t want to stress me out more during this time about something that he believed was platonic (I was going through a pretty stressful point in my life where I was feeling quite lonely, often). He was occasionally not there for me during that time, and it hurts to line up the dates and know she was why.
I can’t get over the lie. He broke my trust so much in doing this. But I still love him so much. He’s my best friend, and quite frankly, the only person in my life I feel completely comfortable around. I don’t want to break up because of this, but I don’t know how to move forward.
He feels awful for not telling me and knows he was wrong. He is still trying to justify it to himself, but in between that has said he’ll do anything to resolve it.
Please, any advice on how to move forward after this?

This is going to be a bit chaotic, so my apologies. I feel ashamed to write this as I feel like I’m betraying my partner somehow. But I don’t know what else to do. I need some perspective on how to fix this rift. I apologise if my writing is a bit confusing, I’m just trying to get my thoughts out all at once. This all happened this week, Monday - Sunday (now). For context we are 22F 22M, both working and studying at university. He’s currently doing placement for his course which costs him most of the week. We’ve been dating about a year and a half and were friends before we dated. I want to know if I’m wrong and what I can do to fix our issue.
My partner seems to struggle with sticking to his word, particularly when it comes to plans he makes with me. My partner has done this before and I’ve told him how much it hurts me and he always says sorry. But that’s all he seems to do, say sorry. I forgive him and I hope that next time he’ll show me that he wants to do better. But then he does the same behaviour he said he was sorry for and wouldn’t do again. Sometimes he’ll do it hours later, multiple times in a row. I don’t need to talk to him all the time, but we don’t live together. Nor do we live close by. And so I feel really disconnected when he flakes on our plans. I try and engage in text conversations with him, but there’s a similar story there too where he’ll say he’ll talk at a certain time but then he won’t. It makes me feel really alone when I can’t rely on him to be there when he says he will. Last week he had a family member from overseas visit, and he told me this family member was coming over. I felt a little nervous because the last few times he had family over he would ignore me for days, bail on his plans with me, the most recent time he ghosted me fully for a few days the night before he was meant to spend the day with me. That day was the first full day in two months we had both free to spend together. I felt incredibly afraid and alone and it’s made me feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells hoping I stay “fun” enough for him to not want to ditch me. So when he told me his cousin was coming over for a week long visit I felt a little apprehensive. I didn’t want to interfere with his time with them, but I also was worried that I’d end up being ghosted for a week with no explanation or indication when or if he would talk to me again. I asked him if he was going to go awol on me again, and assured me he wouldn’t. The day he went to pick up this cousin from the airport, he then drove to a bottle shop close to his house and he went radio silence for a bit and told me he would text more when he got home. Four hours later he texted me saying he was in the middle of a conversation that he would talk about later. Two and a half hours later he finally got back to me and said he was about to fall asleep and apologised for not coming back like he said he would. I told him to find a middle ground next time, and that I didn’t mind if he couldn’t talk but it made me feel stressed when he had people over he will tell me he’ll talk later but then never follows through. He said okay, and he agreed he would text me in the morning. That was Monday. Tuesday morning he did text me a message about what he ate the night before. I texted him asking what he talked about last night, and he responded in the afternoon saying that he didn’t mean to say he wanted to tell me, only that he had a lot to talk about with this cousin. He started asking about plans (originally I was meant to come over that night after work) and I offered to come over another night that week so he had more one on one time with his cousin. I wanted to make sure he had ample time and didn’t feel like I was monopolising him. He said he’d like that. I texted him saying I don’t mind not being around as much this week, but that I would really like better communication even if that was telling me he couldn’t talk. Rather than leave me waiting wondering if he was going to text me this time. He said sorry again and I brushed it away just hoping that he wouldn’t do it again. He relayed that he was working every single day this cousin was over, and I offered to compensate him financially if he took off a shift to spend with his cousin. In the past he’s seemed to have a lot of anxiety around taking time off work, even if it’s for something important. I think it makes him anxious to not have consistent income, and he was doing unpaid work placement for uni on days that he’d usually get paid to work. I’ve offered this before when he had work overlapping some time I asked him to take off for us, and I’m happy to. He agreed to it this time too and he took one of his paid weekend shifts off so he could spend it with his cousin. He told me he had to drive home from his placement and would text me when he got home. I asked if we could catch up briefly when he did and he agreed. Over an hour later he texted me to say he was home. I then asked what he was up to, and after twenty minutes he texted me to say he was talking to his cousin and mum. I asked if we were still catching up and he said yes, and asked me about my day. We exchanged a couple of texts, although he was slow to respond and looked to be distracted. When I asked if everything was okay he told me he was just talking to his cousin. I asked if he wanted to reschedule the catch up to later, and he said he would talk in an hour and forty five minutes. I said okay, and left him alone. Then the time he picked rolled around, and he didn’t text. I waited for a while, thinking that maybe he was just wrapping up, but then twenty minutes passed and I texted him just a quick “Hello”. He responded thirty minutes later than he said he was in the middle of looking at family photos and would respond after dinner. I said okay, and asked when abouts that would be. He then responded an hour later saying he would be back in “halfa”. I asked if that meant he’d be back in half an hour, and forty minutes later he said yes he meant half an hour. I asked him if he meant half an hour when he texted “halfa” or half an hour from now, forty minutes later. Twenty minutes later he said he was happy to talk now and that he’d go to bed in half an hour, and then immediately retracted that saying he had to go say goodbye to someone. Thirty minutes later he texted me saying he got busy with cleaning up after dinner, and was ready for bed. We started a little catch up, I was just grateful to hear from him although I was worried he’d cut things short. I also tried communicating my irritation about the back and forth changing of when he would talk to me. I said i didn’t want to interfere too much but that I felt like he didn’t respect my time when he wouldn’t stick to his word. I told him I would rather him tell me a realistic time rather than promising me a time that he would end up bailing on, I didn’t like anxiously waiting by the phone. He apologised and said he’d be more realistic. He then texted me that he was really tired and that he wanted to go to bed, cutting the conversation short. I will admit I told him that I was frustrated because I predicted he would do this and that I felt irritated waiting for him all day yesterday and today and still ending up back on square one. He apologised and I tried to brush things off so we could say goodnight. I texted him after he went to sleep, nothing major just little things that I was doing or watching. It makes me feel connected even if he doesn’t reciprocate. He texted in the morning letting me know he was on his way to placement, and I asked if it was a good idea for me to come over. I felt anxious that I would be invisible again, and it would be a lot more hurtful when it was when I was physically present but still being ignored. He’s done this before a lot, I don’t think it’s on purpose but he gets so caught up that I kind of get left in the corner. I do try to engage with other people, but I feel really isolated when he’ll monopolise the conversation and not acknowledge me the entire time. I didn’t tell him this but told him I would feel like a bit of a wallflower being there and asked if I could come over Thursday night instead. I had a late shift and was hoping that by the time I arrived most people would be winding down for bed and I would feel less left out. He didn’t text me until seven hours later, telling me he didn’t want me to be unhappy and not spend meaningful time with him. I texted him asking if I could come over Thursday evening instead. He didn’t respond and I just rambled over text for a bit, just talking about stuff. Like before I do this just to try and connect with him, I like telling him about my life. I wish he was with me to experience it, even the mundane bits. About three hours passed and he texted me saying he had to do some work and was with his cousin and that he would talk soon. Three hours passed and he apologised for being MIA and said he would text me in the morning. I texted him saying it was three days in a row being MIA, and that I didn’t want to take up all of his time but I was feeling frustrated that he would say he would be back and then wouldn’t come back. I texted him saying I felt like he wasn’t going to text me in the morning and that I felt frustrated. Regardless I said goodnight and that I loved him, and brushed it off texting other stuff about what I was doing. Sure enough he didn’t text me that morning and waited until 3:30 in the afternoon before he texted me. Bearing in mind, I was meant to come over that evening. He said he was on his way home from placement. I texted him a couple of times asking if he got home safe, but I didn’t get a response. He responded an hour before my shift ended, around four hours later. By that point in time I had assumed he didn’t want to see me, and I didn’t feel safe travelling on public transport in the dark not knowing if I would be allowed in his house. I got home and noticed he posted a story about a club he was in at around ten. He hadn’t called me or texted me, and hadn’t tried to organise seeing me. I felt really upset and frustrated knowing that this was now the fourth day in a row feeling like I’ve been stood up. He texted at 1:00 PM the next day saying he had been MIA because he was doing placement and preparing for placement. I texted him saying I knew he went to a club last night and that I didn’t appreciate being ignored. I said I wouldn’t mind if he had actually set some time aside to talk or tried to communicate, but that I was feeling constantly let down by him this week when he would bail on me. I said I was frustrated that he was unreachable for the whole day essentially and that I felt frustrated and sad by being ignored. He didn’t respond. The following day I was still being given radio silence at midday. I texted him saying that this was making me feel like an object, shelving me for later or bookmarking me knowing he could come back and start right where he left off. I told him how sad and scary it was not knowing now when he would talk and how it felt like he was punishing me for something. I reiterated that I didn’t want to monopolise his time, but that I just wanted to catch up and see him one evening. I told him that he was treating me like I wasn’t his equal, and that I had to be here for him whenever but that he wasn’t offering the same courtesy. I texted him saying that I never knew when I’d next talk to him because he wasn’t keeping his word, and sometimes he would just flat out go radio silent. When I still didn’t hear from him, I called. He didn’t answer but then texted saying he was busy and would talk later. I told him how that wasn’t a time, and that I felt like he was still keeping me on a short leash by the phone because his narrow window of free time wasn’t clear at all. He texted hours later apologising and agreeing that it wasn’t fair on me. And that I didn’t deserve to be treated like an afterthought. I responded trying to talk about how this isn’t the first time, and how much this made me feel like I didn’t matter. He barely responded, and his responses got tetchier. He tried to switch it back on me, telling me that he couldn’t just ignore his cousin. I felt really upset by this because I never wanted that. And I actually paid for him to spend more time. I just didn’t like being treated like a thing that he could shove away in a box for later. I wanted just regular communication, even if it was just brief. I wanted to know I was wanted, that I could come over. He said he had to go, and I asked if he was coming back. He said he’d take the following afternoon. I said that I thought we needed some space. I said that he should talk to me when he wanted to show me he wanted a relationship. That I felt like he was behaving like he wasn’t in one, and that it was up to him. He simply responded with “Okay”.
I don’t really know what to do. We’ve had these issues before and it doesn’t seem to matter how I bring them up he always reward the behaviour. He’s done things to violate my boundaries and make me feel like I can’t rely on him when I need him, emotionally or physically. I know he loves me and he’s a good and kind person. But he just doesn’t seem to want to change. He seems sorry that it’s hurt me, but doesn’t do anything to change his behaviour. It makes me feel like I have to either choose to remain unhappy silently to avoid incurring his anger and silent treatment, or break up with him. Otherwise we’re really compatible. And I cannot state enough how much I love him. He’s good and kind, and aside from these kinds of issues and some past behaviours engaging with people who were being flirty and trying to sleep with him, he’s been really fantastic. I don’t understand why he does this and I want to be a better partner for him so we can work through this, but when this happens it feels like he’s just not interested in me. It feels like he only wants to engage with me when there’s nothing better to do, and that I’m the lowest priority. But I also don’t know if that’s true or if I’m overreacting. I’ve been cheated on before and was heavily traumatised from a prior abusive relationship that cost me a lot of my mental health. I want to go to relationship counselling because I want to fight for us. We can’t do it until after his placement for uni, and he seems very uncomfortable with going anyway. I don’t know if my perspective is wrong or selfish and I don’t think I’m getting unbiased information from my friends. They’ve told me to break up with him, but they also don’t see what a kind and loving person he is. I want to know what I can do other than a break up, to help repair our relationship. I want to understand why he’s doing this, I want to try and understand him so I can try and mend this rift. So far he still isn’t talking to me. I asked him this morning if he had made up his mind about the relationship and he hasn’t responded. I don’t know what to do. Please give me some advice other than breaking up, because this is a good relationship otherwise with a wonderful person. I know he’s not perfect but neither am I, and I want to be able to do better for him and if I can repair this I would really like to. Am I right for feeling this way? And how can I repair this rift in our relationship?
tl;dr My boyfriend seems to flake on me and apologise but not change his behaviour no matter how much it upsets me, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how I can mend our relationship

Our breakup wasn’t easy, it lasted a few months and we were kinda trying to rebuild something that just fell apart on its own. It came as a shock to me when she brought it up that our relationship was falling apart. I thought we were doing ok… we just had a great Christmas and new years together we went on a trip to her family’s house and we’re going on dates. Our spark was still solid from my POV after all the time we spent together.
We had made promises to each other… we agreed no contact was the best way of going about this unless we really needed to say something then we would. And we did a couple times but nothing crazy (she found out about two of my relatives had passed and gave her condolences). We also said to each other we aren’t interested in dating or seeing other people and if we had sexual urges to just text each other. (That didn’t happen). She is out at this club showing of her body touching on this guys and laughing with them. That was me these past 3 years. She was never a slutty dresser and was always very respectful when it came to that sort of thing, one of the many things I liked about her. She was also never one to just hookup with random guys before we started dating(I knew her years before we were official). In our relationship she was a little slutty at times but for my eyes only. That’s every man’s dream right there…
I feel that now this person I once knew is gone. She seems to have forgotten who she was when we were together. It makes me wonder do girls really change their personalities that much to be with someone they’re interested in. And can they do it for years at a time. I know these things may seem like minuscule changes but she really has done a complete 180. She would never go out or drink and never really expressed the desire to, she never had any guys friends or much social media presence and now everything is backwards.
It feels like I was holding her back from doing this. It seems like something she really wants to do and all the power to her. I just wonder if she knows how negatively this is affecting me. I’m not much of a drinker or party person either I think that’s why we worked well together. It’s just extremely difficult and upsetting to see the person you once knew, become the person you never wanted to know.

I'm F28, in-house lawyer. I work out a lot at the gym and go on runs (toned and thin), I'm pretty, I dress well and I go out to cafés, restaurants and bars quite frequently. Still, I never get approached, never get asked out and never meet men organically.
I'm 28 and I didn't even have my first kiss yet! I feel behind in life and I'm honestly ashamed at this point. While my friends are getting married I'm still a virgin.
I was extremely shy and insecure when I was younger. Especially because I never got any positive male attention. It really messed with me that no guy liked me in high school or university. I only started dating when I downloaded a dating app at 25. I had some dates, but they never led to anything. Especially because I don't know how to flirt or talk to men and I don't let men treat me badly. As soon as they disrespect me I end things and so far every guy has disrespected me. Men are generally not nice to me. Most men I talked to tried to look down on me or tried to make me feel insecure. I don't have close male friends and I don't feel like men see me or want to talk to me.
I'd like to have more positive contact to men but I don't know how. I live in a small german town. No running clubs, no country clubs. I work in a small office with old people and no men my age. (But I'm looking for a job in a bigger city!)
Also I'm tired about the whole talk about loving yourself first. I love myself. I know that I look good and that I'm intelligent. Actually I feel like I love myself too much to date guys that don't appreciate me.
I really need advice! How and especially where do I meet single men my age? How do I make men approach me in the wild? (I don't want to ever download a dating app again!) Am I too old now? Should I give up on dating? Be realistic, am I just a hopeless case when it comes to dating?

Information

VCT China is one of four international leagues where teams play to qualify for Masters and Champions. Stage 1 qualifies teams for Masters Shanghai.
Coverage: Liquipedia VLR.gg THESPIKE rib.gg
Official Information: Website VCT 2024
General Resources: VCT Rules and Policies Global Contract Database subreddit guide to VALORANT Esports
Americas League:

• Patch: 8.05
• Map Pool: Ascent Bind Breeze Icebox Lotus Split Sunset
• Dates: April 5 – May 12, 2024
• Location: Valo Arena, Shanghai, China — Offline (LAN)

Schedule

Match	CST (China Standard Time - tournament time zone)	EDT (Eastern Daylight Time)	CET (Central European Summer Time)	JST/KST (Japan/Korea Standard Time)
EDward Gaming vs FunPlus Phoenix	17:00	05:00	11:00	18:00

Streams

• Chinese: Twitch / YouTube / DouYu / Huya / bilibili
• English Costreamers: RyanCentral / Full List
  • There is currently no official English broadcast

Broadcast Talent

Hosts & Interviewers	Commentators & Analysts
Wang "唯嘉" Renweijia	Luo "1703" Zhiyuan
Du "骏骏" Jun	Yong "ADing" Hao
麦麦	Gai "Alan" Yandahan
	BaiYang
	ChengKai
	Jia "Nai8" Jia
	NOC
	Yan "Saki" Meng
	Bian "ShiGuang" Yutao
	Yao "TianShi" Tianshi
	He "Vivi" Yilian
	Hu "YuTong" Yutong
	ZhenSheng
	Tian "ZiHeng" Ziheng
	Zhou "周吞马" Tunma

^{See Liquipedia for additional information}

Stage 1 Format

• Group Stage:
  • 2 groups formed, one with 5 teams and one with 6
  • Teams play matches cross-group
  • All matches are Bo3
  • Top 3 teams from each group advance to playoffs
• Playoffs
  • Hybrid single & double elimination
    • Top team from each group placed directly in double elimination
  • Lower and Grand Final are Bo5
  • Top 3 teams qualify for Masters Shanghai

Standings

Group Alpha

Team	Record
EDward Gaming	5-1
Dragon Ranger Gaming	3-3
Nova Esports	2-4
Bilibili Gaming	2-4
Wolves Esports	2-4

Group Omega

Team	Record
FunPlus Phoenix	5-0
Trace Esports	3-2
All Gamers	3-2
Titan Esports Club	2-3
TYLOO	2-3
JD Gaming	1-4

​

I’m a college student right now and going to graduate soon. I’ve been a student almost all my life and I don’t know how to deal with this change or my emotions. I have some good friends but most of them are already working and I’ve been feeling left out and isolated from them and like they’re part of an exclusive club I can only ever hope of joining. I’m in a different stage of life and am depressed about my future. This is a huge change for me yet none of my friends are going through it. I feel constantly left behind and out of the loop and just excluded from everything. None of my friends can really understand and I feel like they don’t even care about me. It’s like I’m just a side character in the story of my life. I’m never anyone’s first choice and probably never will be, I’m just a 22 year old loser who took an extra year of college because of depression and is too weird for people to like and have barely dated anyone let alone kissed someone. I know that my friends care about but, but emotions don’t always agree with logic. I know they care about me, but do they even like me? I feel like my talk about me being depressed lately has annoyed them and I desperately don’t want to lose them but I’m one bad thing from having a mental break down. I want to talk to them but I don’t want to annoy them or bring them down or burden them. I know people care for me but it doesn’t feel like that sometimes. I feel so selfish for talking about my problems when they have much worse problems than me. I’m always the one reaching out never them so maybe it’s a problem with me. I feel like I’m losing my sense of self because I try to always be amusing and fun while inside I’m just broken. I’m just a sidekick even in my own story and everyone prefers my best friend to me (I don’t blame them she’s so much better than me in every way) I don’t want to burden my parents because they don’t deserve to have such a messed up daughter who can’t handle her emotions. They deserve someone competent and mature. I don’t want to stress them out or make them upset, even though I know they’ll support me, I just don’t want to admit that I’m afraid. Anyway sorry for the long post, I appreciate all of you who read this. I am going to therapy and that’s helping but the depression and anxiety still remain.

tldr: i work at a strip club, got drunk and kissed a stripper while mid breakup w my gf
i’m m25, was dating my gf for a little over a year now and it’s been a blast, perfect. i’ve never had any complaints about her which is insane. we’re very open minded and since the start she thought we were gonna be fwb that wasn’t the case, we hopped right into a relationship. ever since we started dating the question/subject always comes out between the two of us if we’re good for each other or if we should break up, why? idk. i think it’s bc we’ve been scared that things go so well for us and we get along so good, everything is genuine, nothings forced. while we were dating i got offered this job and i took it bc the pay, i make very good money here as a bar back and it allows me to focus more on school; ofc i brought it up to her to get the okay or no, and she said it was fine bc she trusts me. (holy shit this feels all over the place, but i have so much going thru my head rn, please just bare w me) anyways i’ve been working here for 8 months and ive never stepped any boundaries, bc what i feel for my gf is genuine and i respect her and myself.
recently we’ve been having problems and it just seems we’re both so distant especially in intimacy and affection; so we’ve been talking about breaking up a couple times and we were just talking about it 2 days a go (i only think the reason we’ve been so distant is bc we’re both in college and this semester was rough that towards finals we were barely hanging out) so we ended up agreening on staying together but she still asked if we’re together or not and i said “yes ofc, or what do you wanna do?” and she said she wanted to be together.
so i work the next day and both of my siblings pull up and i decided to get shit faced and i was texting her and asked if she thinks we we should really break up and we started talking ab it and it was leaning toward the side of yes we should break up. so deep into this text, this stupid stripper that’s been eyeing me since i started working here (i’ve never paid attention to her) starts talking to me and ofc when you’re drunk you act retarded and we started talking and we kissed, nothing more. after that happened i leaned my convo w my gf towards separating and that was that, i don’t wanna waste her time. i really love this girl dearly like no other and i wanna be w her forever, i wanna make a life w her, she checks off every box in my head. idk why i did it and i could sit here and talk ab how much i wish i could go back but im not rick and morty.
when we broke up, i didn’t tell her for many reasons regarding events going on in her life rn, but i feel so fucking guilty this is eating me up and idk how to tell her. i know once i tell her one of two things are gonna happen 1) she forgives me and we continue but ofc nothings ever the same after that 2) she tells me to fuck off and we go our separate ways and i live w the question of what could we have been
almost every guy in her family has cheated and im so against it, i’ve always been; if it happened to me id leave, but obviously a kiss is different than sex. this was a one time thing, ive been in 2 long term relations before which were 4-5 years each and i never did anything grimy. im a loyal guy, it means everything to me. i’ve been fucked over so many times so i take it very serious.
so i guess what im tryna say is, should i tell her or should i just keep it to myself? the idea behind keeping it to myself would kill me inside, we’re so transparent w everything, idk if i could do it. she deserves the world, and i could give it to her but this just makes me feel like i no longer can’t.
extra: i told this girl at work and asked “what i should do, i really love this girl and wanna be w her” and she said if you haven’t told her, don’t. all the shit w the guys in her family she’s had to deal w, don’t put that on her conscious, she doesn’t need that she just graduated college. it was just a kiss, don’t tell her, feel the pain and deal w it internally, be a man

I have always had issues with self-esteem growing up, and because of it I have always thought of myself being unlikable. I try to be realistic despite having a terrible self esteem, so I wouldn't necessarily call myself "ugly," and by no means would I consider myself attractive or pretty, but I would say that I am painfully average in looks. Admittedly, I am a bit overweight, but I have also been thin and the same has been the case. I try to take care of myself, and while I don't have perfect skin, I try to make sure I look clean and dress decently. I am overweight, but I go to the gym and I am active despite what people may think.
I know personality plays a big part in attraction, and while I know I am not perfect, I would say that I have a decent personality. I am kind of shy and tend to be on the more reserved side, but I try not to let anyone notice that I am shy or insecure. I don't engage in drinking, smoking, or going to parties, but I am extremely involved on campus and I am a part of multiple clubs as an officer. I would consider myself hardworking and ambitious as I have a pretty good GPA and I have gotten multiple internships with reputable companies. I try my best to be genuine, I go out of my way to show kindness to others, I think I can be pretty funny sometimes, and I have pretty well-rounded hobbies. I love art and music and I try to dabble a little bit of everywhere within those two fields, and I volunteer whenever I can. I don't want this to come off as self-absorbed by any means as I know I also have many flaws, but I am just curious what could be wrong.
Friends and family have always told me that I would meet someone eventually and that college would be a great place to meet people, but nothing has changed. I am about to graduate and not a single person has been interested in me. I don't have crushes very often, but I liked someone at my school and confessed my feelings, but was rejected for unknown reasons. We were both civil about it and still interact as friends, but it was a major blow to my self esteem, and I am scared to confess feelings to anyone else out of fear of rejection. I don't want to use dating apps since I don't really agree with the whole concept of them and I would like to meet my partner organically, but nothing seems to work.
The one time someone "liked" me was in highschool, it ended up being a disaster due to them cheating on me multiple times throughout the relationship. The whole thing made me realize how I was only dated out of convenience and how unattractive I was compared to the girls I was cheated on with. People only ever see me as a friend and I never feel like I am ever truly treated "like a girl." Guys aren't kind to me like they are to other girls. I often have the door hit me after its opened for other girls in my group, and I am always left having to struggle with heavy things by myself. I am not trying to say that I deserve this treatment, I just find it really odd. I don't know if I'm just not "girlfriend material" but I just cant figure out what's wrong with me.
For the most part, I am fine on my own, but there is always something inside me that craves love and affection and I just really wish someone would like me or like me back.

Ah, the world of NFTs (non-fungible tokens)! It’s a fascinating and rapidly evolving space. While I don’t have personal preferences or favorites, I can certainly share some interesting NFTs that have made waves in the art and digital collectibles world.
Here are a few notable ones:
CryptoPunks: These pixelated characters were among the earliest NFTs on the Ethereum blockchain. Each one is unique, and they’ve become iconic in the NFT community.
Beeple’s “Everydays”: Mike Winkelmann, known as Beeple, created a series of digital artworks called “Everydays.” His piece titled “Everydays: The First 5000 Days” was sold at auction for a staggering $69 million in March 2021. It’s one of the most significant NFT sales to date.
Board Ape Yacht Club (BAYC): BAYC is a collection of 10,000 unique hand-drawn ape NFTs. Owners of these apes gain access to a private club with exclusive benefits. The community around BAYC has grown rapidly and is quite active.
Art Blocks Curated: Art Blocks offers generative art NFTs. Artists create algorithms that generate unique visual pieces. Some of these have gained popularity due to their intricate designs and rarity.
Remember that NFTs are a speculative market, and their value can be volatile. Some people see them as a new form of art and expression, while others view them as a bubble waiting to burst. Regardless, they’ve certainly captured the imagination of many!
If you’re interested in exploring NFTs further, I recommend checking out platforms like OpenSea, where you can discover a wide variety of NFT art, collectibles, and more. 🎨🚀 😊

blockchainnetwork

blockchainnft

blockchainnftcrypto

nftcrypto

nftcryptoart

My partner’s best friend, Michael, has been showing very clear signs of jealousy and hostility towards me ever since my partner, Kyle, and I started dating 3 years ago. Without adding too much story, basically since Kyle and I started dating, Michael is constantly passive aggressive towards us, actively tries to make plans that don’t involve me or try to have me uninvited, constantly make negative comments to belittle me either about how much smarter he is than me, my hobbies, my job, my weight, my looks, and he’s even gone as far as constantly trying to one up me with trauma (weird, right?) but says it in a way that he can say it’s a joke if I get offended. Kyle and I don’t even go out to nightclubs with Michael anymore because we’ve noticed that Michael constantly tries to get Kyle to ditch me to go to another baclub. Michael even is in constantly relationships that don’t seem to last long, where he will brag about it to Kyle, then complain about the girl he’s dating, then break up, and repeat. I’ve brought up my concerns to Kyle, but Kyle constantly tells me he either “didn’t hear it” or tells me he’ll talk with Michael. The only thing that’s changed is that Michael has now started talking trash about me to our other friends, and Kyle now doesn’t invite Michael around as much anymore to hang out. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before so please, any advice is greatly appreciated. P.S. names in this story are fake.

Brand new account just for this lovely occasion. I’m ready to air out some dirty laundry.
I am at my limit and can’t sleep. My fiancé and I have been together 9 yrs except for when we broke up for about 2yrs in the middle due in part to his mother’s behavior but what can I say we love each other. Things are generally better but there have been some big drama flare ups from her.
She’s top-tier toxic boy mom material. He was her only child for 12yrs and while men continue to come and go in her life he is always there for her. She uses him for emotional support, love, affection, validation, friendship, you name it. She treats him like a husband and like a father to her other child.
I only just got him to move out last year (I moved in with them after getting back together, a HUGE risk for me as it ended very bad last time) after finding out she had made him promise to stay with her another year after he graduated university so she could save up more money to afford rent on her own (this after she spent all year going on vacations and making us watch her crusty dogs that kept peeing and shitting on the carpet). I basically forced him to move out the month after graduation.
Things have been better but she still uses him for so much. We only live 15min away. They already work together and he usually visits her and they go out to eat or he helps her with grocery shopping (she’s only 50, she does not need help but she also has an 18yr old son that lives with her who could help her)or something on at least one of his off days (him and I have opposite schedules currently which is making everything worse).
So he had told me multiple times, well in advance, that he was taking his mom to a concert this past Friday for Mother’s Day. Fine, not very traditional but whatever he always spends a lot on days that celebrate her. The covert venue was about an hour away in a very big city on Friday night so I was worried about drunk drivers and general safety. Fiancé told me that his younger brother was driving them and he wouldn’t get too drunk and probably wouldn’t be out “too late”. (His mom gets black out drunk anytime she drinks which is pretty much any time she goes out hence my concern)
I work 6am-6pm on weekends so he was gone when I got home but he sent me occasional texts from the concert. His mom sent a photo of them with their drinks around 8pm. Next I heard from him was around 11pm. He called me and said they were waiting for his brother to pick them up. I estimated they’d be home about midnight, I knew him coming home at that time would cause our large dogs to bark and wake me anyways so I decided to stay up to make sure he got in okay especially cause his brother is a newer driver and they were coming from the city.
It’s then 12:30am, 1.5 hrs later, he hadn’t answered my texts. I have to wake up for work in 4hrs. I decided to go to his mom’s Facebook (we are not fb friends but a lot of her stuff is public) and I was honestly disgusted by what I saw. She had posted a video of her and my fiancé holding their drinks and dancing at this concert, totally drunk, her tits on full display (she likes to dress like a 20yr old going the club) and them taking turns kissing each other on the cheek. Along with other photos you’d expect to see from a bf/gf couple.
I need to pause here and mention that while cheek kissing is a cultural thing she has always been wayyyy too affectionate towards him for my liking. It has also been an issue with her dressing extremely provocatively, like usually she’s dressed way sexier than I am and it makes me really uncomfortable. Past occasions include several birthday parties she hosted for him in which she was dressed like she was ready to hit the streets, got back out drunk, and danced and flirted with all his friends. She is also very young looking and in fact when fiancé and I first started dating I saw the pictures they had together on Facebook and thought she was his gf. It is not uncommon for people to think they are a couple.
Seeing this video that she had tagged him in so that all our friends could see them like that made me so angry. We don’t even post photos like that and we’re fucking engaged. I called my sister who had also seen the video and agreed it was uncomfortable to look at. She had also posted a slideshow of photos of the two of them from various ages to celebrate Mother’s Day, pretty much her being clingy to him and even some photos that directly mirror photos him and I had taken. Her younger child was not in any of the photos.
I then went through her fb and discovered that since we got engaged in March, she had not posted one single thing about us but every week has been sharing fb memories about my fiancé graduating and stuff talking about how much she loved him and how proud she is of him. I was pretty shocked as I had just had dinner with this woman for my fiancé’s bday the week before and now I’m finding out that instead of publicly bragging about her son proposing to his gf, 8 days later she had shared a photo of her two kids stating how much she loved them and that they would always be her children.
So it’s 12:45am, I decided to call his brother who answers and tells me that my fiancé and his mom are passed out drunk in the back seat and that they will be here at around 1:20am. I’m ready to cry, I already only got 2hrs sleep the night before, staying up till 130 gives me 3hrs sleep. He finally gets dropped off at 1:30am, (a full 1.5hrs passed when he should’ve been home based on our call) and he immediately goes to our only bathroom and starts puking.
I am extremely puke phobic so I immediately set up the couch for him and then had to stay up till he stopped puking to make sure he didn’t pass out in the bathroom. Finally I get him to the couch and go to sleep at 2:30am. At 3:30 the sound of him puking in the bathroom with the door wide open wakes me up. I have to go to work in 1hr. I’m scared to even go in the bathroom to get ready cause I’m so scared of puke so I end up calling out cause I have literally not slept.
I rip into him in the morning. I tell him how humiliating it was to see those photos and videos, I inform him that his mother has not posted anything about us to which he was surprised and also found it weird when I pointed out ask the posts of him and none of his younger brother. The neighbors for sure hear me shouting at him about his mom’s titties and missing work.
I also get on his case bc not l this just happened 2 months ago where they went to a bar for a work thing and while he didn’t drink his mom got black out drunk and he had to get her in the car, drive her home, and then call his younger brother to come home to make sure she didn’t choke on her own vomit. He said she doesn’t really drink like that anymore but here we are again. And the kicker is she has kidney problems. And her kids are always worried about her anytime she gets even just a cold yet here she is at 50yrs old drinking to black out and making her kids take care of her. It’s honestly so disgusting to me and unfair to them but they just see it as normal cause they’re used to it.
Anyway I was about to go to bed when he mentioned he was taking her out tomorrow for Mother’s Day. I basically asked hasn’t she had enough? And he said she wanted to celebrate with both him AND his brother. I got incredibly angry bc this woman always gets what she wants from him and I feel like they already ruined my sleep and forced me to call out and she still wants to be celebrated even more? I feel like she should be embarrassed but she never is. I told him ask her why your engagement isn’t on her fb and he said he will and then I wrote all this bc I’m just so angry and now it’s almost 3am and I have to get up at 4:30.
He’s been making slow improvements in standing up to her but this is ridiculous. I’m sick to death of feeling like the other woman in my own relationship.