Whats the difference between endone and oxynorm

Hi all! I’m looking for some advice, please be as blunt as you wish, TL;DR at the bottom I’m a 15 year old female
I have quite an extensive family history on both sides of my family of endometriosis, fibroids, fertility issues and also a few hysterectomy’s from these issues
My periods have always been fairly light and painless
About 3-4 months ago I started having every morning uncomfortable sensations in my stomach, feeling nausceous, gassy and just not great. People around me would say I looked very pale and not well.
By about late morning the feeling would disappear so I was just dealing with it.
The day before my period was due I woke up, was getting ready to leave for school and suddenly felt an intense pain in the lower left side of my stomach, like that I had just been stabbed or punched, I quickly knelt over and was eventually taken to a hospital.
I was in so much pain that I only really felt okay curled up in a ball and ibuprofen / paracetamol didn’t touch the sides of the pain, only Endone did.
At the hospital I had blood tests and a urine sample which came back as clear and had a pelvic ultrasound as it was assumed as a gynaecology issue. The pelvic ultrasound came back as that it was completely clear except for a small calcification on one of my ovaries but this was ruled out as just something they had found, not something causing me pain. I was sent home with pain relief.
Next day my period stated and I saw my gastroenterologist, they felt as though due to the fact that I wasn’t unconsciously having muscle spasms due to the pain that it’s highly likely that this pain is related to anxiety. I would like to note that I previously had my appendix out and this process was delayed as this reflex was not present then, when I had an ultrasound I was quickly transitioned into emergency surgery. The gastroenterologist got a faecal sample and ordered a x-ray and pelvic / abdominal ultrasound, along with prescribing a medicine that would remove my stomach acid and some lesser pain relief as I didn’t want to continue taking endone.
Unfortunately, I was still in a lot of pain, unable to eat and lost a lot of weight. The following Monday I returned to a different hospital to have some IV fluids and also to try get my results from the x-ray and pelvic/abdominal ultrasound back. Eventually it came back that everything once again was clear and I was sent home as there was nothing they could do. The drip did help me feel stronger and the second week I felt a lot better.
On the the following Saturday I had an endoscopy to look inside my stomach and collect biopsies. I’m yet to find out the results as my specialist has gone on holiday but I assume it’s clear if I haven’t been notified. That was the 11th of May
This whole time the pain has been moving between my upper left and right as well as my lower left and right quadrants.
While I have been eating a lot more and starting to put weight back on I still feel weak and honestly just not fully well. I am concerned it’s gynaecologically related but also not sure if I’m some crazy person who can’t just accept that I’m most likely stressed. I just don’t get what I’d be stressed about though… other than this…
As I was unwell my last period barely came, only really 3 days of bleeding. However the period I’m currently having is a lot more crampy than usual. I wouldn’t say the flow is much heavier than a standard one for me. My periods are never extreme heavy flow. Other family members with gyno issues have had heavy periods. It’s now been over a month of this and I’m just sick of it, it’s so much better than it was and I’ve able to go back to sports a bit but still randomly I’m just getting these terrible pains and after a lot of walking or using stairs it’s getting flared up, it’s very frustrating.
I haven’t seen a gynaecologist, I briefly mentioned the possibility of this pain being gynaecological related to my mum but she didn’t seem super convinced
TL;DR
symptoms - strong pain all over abdominal area - very gassy, burping / flatulence - lower appetite - just generally feel ill - either mildly constipated or have diahhorea - pain has been for over a month - period feeling more crampy than usual
tests that are clear - blood tests (no inflammation markers, all vitamin levels are good except vitamin D but it is winter, iron levels are good) - pelvic and abdominal ultrasounds - urine and faecal samples - abdominal x-ray - generally feeling around my stomach

Hi all! I’m looking for some advice, please be as blunt as you wish, TL;DR at the bottom I’m a 15 year old female
I have quite an extensive family history on both sides of my family of endometriosis, fibroids, fertility issues and also a few hysterectomy’s from these issues
My periods have always been fairly light and painless
About 3-4 months ago I started having every morning uncomfortable sensations in my stomach, feeling nausceous, gassy and just not great. People around me would say I looked very pale and not well.
By about late morning the feeling would disappear so I was just dealing with it.
The day before my period was due I woke up, was getting ready to leave for school and suddenly felt an intense pain in the lower left side of my stomach, like that I had just been stabbed or punched, I quickly knelt over and was eventually taken to a hospital.
I was in so much pain that I only really felt okay curled up in a ball and ibuprofen / paracetamol didn’t touch the sides of the pain, only Endone did.
At the hospital I had blood tests and a urine sample which came back as clear and had a pelvic ultrasound as it was assumed as a gynaecology issue. The pelvic ultrasound came back as that it was completely clear except for a small calcification on one of my ovaries but this was ruled out as just something they had found, not something causing me pain. I was sent home with pain relief.
Next day my period stated and I saw my gastroenterologist, they felt as though due to the fact that I wasn’t unconsciously having muscle spasms due to the pain that it’s highly likely that this pain is related to anxiety. I would like to note that I previously had my appendix out and this process was delayed as this reflex was not present then, when I had an ultrasound I was quickly transitioned into emergency surgery. The gastroenterologist got a faecal sample and ordered a x-ray and pelvic / abdominal ultrasound, along with prescribing a medicine that would remove my stomach acid and some lesser pain relief as I didn’t want to continue taking endone.
Unfortunately, I was still in a lot of pain, unable to eat and lost a lot of weight. The following Monday I returned to a different hospital to have some IV fluids and also to try get my results from the x-ray and pelvic/abdominal ultrasound back. Eventually it came back that everything once again was clear and I was sent home as there was nothing they could do. The drip did help me feel stronger and the second week I felt a lot better.
On the the following Saturday I had an endoscopy to look inside my stomach and collect biopsies. I’m yet to find out the results as my specialist has gone on holiday but I assume it’s clear if I haven’t been notified. That was the 11th of May
This whole time the pain has been moving between my upper left and right as well as my lower left and right quadrants.
While I have been eating a lot more and starting to put weight back on I still feel weak and honestly just not fully well. I am concerned it’s gynaecologically related but also not sure if I’m some crazy person who can’t just accept that I’m most likely stressed. I just don’t get what I’d be stressed about though… other than this…
As I was unwell my last period barely came, only really 3 days of bleeding. However the period I’m currently having is a lot more crampy than usual. I wouldn’t say the flow is much heavier than a standard one for me. My periods are never extreme heavy flow. Other family members with gyno issues have had heavy periods. It’s now been over a month of this and I’m just sick of it, it’s so much better than it was and I’ve able to go back to sports a bit but still randomly I’m just getting these terrible pains and after a lot of walking or using stairs it’s getting flared up, it’s very frustrating.
I haven’t seen a gynaecologist, I briefly mentioned the possibility of this pain being gynaecological related to my mum but she didn’t seem super convinced
TL;DR
symptoms - strong pain all over abdominal area - very gassy, burping / flatulence - lower appetite - just generally feel ill - either mildly constipated or have diahhorea - pain has been for over a month - period feeling more crampy than usual
tests that are clear - blood tests (no inflammation markers, all vitamin levels are good except vitamin D but it is winter, iron levels are good) - pelvic and abdominal ultrasounds - urine and faecal samples - abdominal x-ray - generally feeling around my stomach

Hi all! I’m looking for some advice, please be as blunt as you wish, TL;DR at the bottom I’m a 15 year old female
I have quite an extensive family history on both sides of my family of endometriosis, fibroids, fertility issues and also a few hysterectomy’s from these issues
My periods have always been fairly light and painless
About 3-4 months ago I started having every morning uncomfortable sensations in my stomach, feeling nausceous, gassy and just not great. People around me would say I looked very pale and not well.
By about late morning the feeling would disappear so I was just dealing with it.
The day before my period was due I woke up, was getting ready to leave for school and suddenly felt an intense pain in the lower left side of my stomach, like that I had just been stabbed or punched, I quickly knelt over and was eventually taken to a hospital.
I was in so much pain that I only really felt okay curled up in a ball and ibuprofen / paracetamol didn’t touch the sides of the pain, only Endone did.
At the hospital I had blood tests and a urine sample which came back as clear and had a pelvic ultrasound as it was assumed as a gynaecology issue. The pelvic ultrasound came back as that it was completely clear except for a small calcification on one of my ovaries but this was ruled out as just something they had found, not something causing me pain. I was sent home with pain relief.
Next day my period stated and I saw my gastroenterologist, they felt as though due to the fact that I wasn’t unconsciously having muscle spasms due to the pain that it’s highly likely that this pain is related to anxiety. I would like to note that I previously had my appendix out and this process was delayed as this reflex was not present then, when I had an ultrasound I was quickly transitioned into emergency surgery. The gastroenterologist got a faecal sample and ordered a x-ray and pelvic / abdominal ultrasound, along with prescribing a medicine that would remove my stomach acid and some lesser pain relief as I didn’t want to continue taking endone.
Unfortunately, I was still in a lot of pain, unable to eat and lost a lot of weight. The following Monday I returned to a different hospital to have some IV fluids and also to try get my results from the x-ray and pelvic/abdominal ultrasound back. Eventually it came back that everything once again was clear and I was sent home as there was nothing they could do. The drip did help me feel stronger and the second week I felt a lot better.
On the the following Saturday I had an endoscopy to look inside my stomach and collect biopsies. I’m yet to find out the results as my specialist has gone on holiday but I assume it’s clear if I haven’t been notified. That was the 11th of May
This whole time the pain has been moving between my upper left and right as well as my lower left and right quadrants.
While I have been eating a lot more and starting to put weight back on I still feel weak and honestly just not fully well. I am concerned it’s gynaecologically related but also not sure if I’m some crazy person who can’t just accept that I’m most likely stressed. I just don’t get what I’d be stressed about though… other than this…
As I was unwell my last period barely came, only really 3 days of bleeding. However the period I’m currently having is a lot more crampy than usual. I wouldn’t say the flow is much heavier than a standard one for me. My periods are never extreme heavy flow. Other family members with gyno issues have had heavy periods. It’s now been over a month of this and I’m just sick of it, it’s so much better than it was and I’ve able to go back to sports a bit but still randomly I’m just getting these terrible pains and after a lot of walking or using stairs it’s getting flared up, it’s very frustrating.
I haven’t seen a gynaecologist, I briefly mentioned the possibility of this pain being gynaecological related to my mum but she didn’t seem super convinced
TL;DR
symptoms - strong pain all over abdominal area - very gassy, burping / flatulence - lower appetite - just generally feel ill - either mildly constipated or have diahhorea - pain has been for over a month - period feeling more crampy than usual
tests that are clear - blood tests (no inflammation markers, all vitamin levels are good except vitamin D but it is winter, iron levels are good) - pelvic and abdominal ultrasounds - urine and faecal samples - abdominal x-ray - generally feeling around my stomach

Hi all! I’m looking for some advice, please be as blunt as you wish, TL;DR at the bottom I’m a 15 year old female
I have quite an extensive family history on both sides of my family of endometriosis, fibroids, fertility issues and also a few hysterectomy’s from these issues
My periods have always been fairly light and painless
About 3-4 months ago I started having every morning uncomfortable sensations in my stomach, feeling nausceous, gassy and just not great. People around me would say I looked very pale and not well.
By about late morning the feeling would disappear so I was just dealing with it.
The day before my period was due I woke up, was getting ready to leave for school and suddenly felt an intense pain in the lower left side of my stomach, like that I had just been stabbed or punched, I quickly knelt over and was eventually taken to a hospital.
I was in so much pain that I only really felt okay curled up in a ball and ibuprofen / paracetamol didn’t touch the sides of the pain, only Endone did.
At the hospital I had blood tests and a urine sample which came back as clear and had a pelvic ultrasound as it was assumed as a gynaecology issue. The pelvic ultrasound came back as that it was completely clear except for a small calcification on one of my ovaries but this was ruled out as just something they had found, not something causing me pain. I was sent home with pain relief.
Next day my period stated and I saw my gastroenterologist, they felt as though due to the fact that I wasn’t unconsciously having muscle spasms due to the pain that it’s highly likely that this pain is related to anxiety. I would like to note that I previously had my appendix out and this process was delayed as this reflex was not present then, when I had an ultrasound I was quickly transitioned into emergency surgery. The gastroenterologist got a faecal sample and ordered a x-ray and pelvic / abdominal ultrasound, along with prescribing a medicine that would remove my stomach acid and some lesser pain relief as I didn’t want to continue taking endone.
Unfortunately, I was still in a lot of pain, unable to eat and lost a lot of weight. The following Monday I returned to a different hospital to have some IV fluids and also to try get my results from the x-ray and pelvic/abdominal ultrasound back. Eventually it came back that everything once again was clear and I was sent home as there was nothing they could do. The drip did help me feel stronger and the second week I felt a lot better.
On the the following Saturday I had an endoscopy to look inside my stomach and collect biopsies. I’m yet to find out the results as my specialist has gone on holiday but I assume it’s clear if I haven’t been notified. That was the 11th of May
This whole time the pain has been moving between my upper left and right as well as my lower left and right quadrants.
While I have been eating a lot more and starting to put weight back on I still feel weak and honestly just not fully well. I am concerned it’s gynaecologically related but also not sure if I’m some crazy person who can’t just accept that I’m most likely stressed. I just don’t get what I’d be stressed about though… other than this…
As I was unwell my last period barely came, only really 3 days of bleeding. However the period I’m currently having is a lot more crampy than usual. I wouldn’t say the flow is much heavier than a standard one for me. My periods are never extreme heavy flow. Other family members with gyno issues have had heavy periods. It’s now been over a month of this and I’m just sick of it, it’s so much better than it was and I’ve able to go back to sports a bit but still randomly I’m just getting these terrible pains and after a lot of walking or using stairs it’s getting flared up, it’s very frustrating.
I haven’t seen a gynaecologist, I briefly mentioned the possibility of this pain being gynaecological related to my mum but she didn’t seem super convinced
TL;DR
symptoms - strong pain all over abdominal area - very gassy, burping / flatulence - lower appetite - just generally feel ill - either mildly constipated or have diahhorea - pain has been for over a month - period feeling more crampy than usual
tests that are clear - blood tests (no inflammation markers, all vitamin levels are good except vitamin D but it is winter, iron levels are good) - pelvic and abdominal ultrasounds - urine and faecal samples - abdominal x-ray - generally feeling around my stomach

• in 2021 I had laparoscopic surgery to take out my appendix and apparently everything looked all clear)

Tonight alone I've downed 10 pregabalin 25mg and 3 endone 10mg, mixed it with 5 beers and 3 cones and I still feel like I could do more.
Ever since I moved back with my parents a few weeks ago, I feel like I'm trapped in purgatory..Ike this weird in between demention that is frozen in time... Everything is different and yet the same, I find myself back in the same mindset I had as a kid...doing the same things like tapping the walls in specific places when walking down the hall, noticing things that haven't changed over the years...it's like I've stepped back almost 10 years into the past and all that's come with my is my scarred body and ruined mind.
The weirdest thing is how blank I feel... No stress... no panic...no voices and very few visual hallucinations...it's like this is my purgatory forever, no up no down, forever stuck in place. I feel like outside of this 2 acre property is nothing but a wasteland, despite knowing it isn't...while I'm here I feel like I'm in a post apocalypse and all that exists left is this house.
None of this is what I expected, I expected the CPTSD to come back, the voices to have a Jamboree with all the past memories I've endured etc ...none of that... everything is like it's in a state of ok but not at the same time...frozen in time..
I keep thinking about waking myself up from this by sitting in my car with a hose.. I wanna feel that comfort and release...I want to sleep and finally wake up to an actual reality..or if this is real and I die... finally I can be at peace.

Hello, I'm from Europe and I've been addicted to oxycodone. I was addicted to about 80mg a day taken several times either by insufflation or orally. I also had liquid oxynorm. I abused the medication for about 5 months. I got help from my psychiatrist in the beginning but he finally decided to give me a morphine substitute. He told me that methadone is a very strong product for the body and that subutex too. He said that in Switzerland we have "sèvre long", according to my information it is a complete agonist compared to subutex which is a partial with naltro. He said that's it's a better alternative.
Now what is the difference between takin extend release morphine vs methadone or subs for opioid disorder. And how it will affect me vs my consomation of Oxy. How the extend release gonna be calculated vs my oxy immediate release?
Thanks you very much in advance .

Greetings to everyone.
I would like to share the updated, revised and optimized version of my old list, in which I researched all the cities and towns of Skyrim and added new settlements, for 2024.
I leave the links below for those who want to see the old lists.
Skyrim We Deserve V1
Skyrim We Deserve V2
I didn't make any absurd changes to the list I made 10 months ago, but there were some additions. I haven't seen any fantastic new mods regarding cities and towns (I'm waiting for you, The Great City Of Dawnstar 3.0!!) and I think the ones that have arrived have not yet matured in terms of stability.
Logic of this list, I aim to have a special view for hold, a list that tries to establish the clan logic in Skyrim, highlights the difference between Old Holds vs. Western Skyrim, and is as stable and interesting as possible. Also, while doing these, I tried not to over-lay out considering the size of Skyrim. Each hold is as aesthetically different as possible.
Before you start reviewing the list, you can also review the previous lists and see what changes have been made. Also Hjaalmarch needs some love!!
HAAFINGAR

• Solitude; Redbag Solitude + Improved Solitude Walls + RedBag's Solitude - Alternative Statue + Improved Solitude Arch + Vittoria's workplace Remade + Unique Red Wave + RedBag's Solitude Misc Patches
• Solitude Interiors; JK's Castle Dour + JK's The Bards College + JK's Temple of the Divines + JK's Blue Palace + JK's Radiant Raiment + JK's The Winking Skeever + JK's Bits and Pieces + JK's Angeline's Aromatics + Snazzy Interiors - Solitude Bryling's House + Snazzy Exteriors - Bryling's Garden + Snazzy Interiors - Vittoria Vici's House + Snazzy Interiors - Solitude Erikur's House
• The Great City of Dragon Bridge SSE Edition + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Dragon Bridge + Simplicity of Settlements - Dragon Bridge
• Ryn's Crabber's Shanty and Titanclaw Lair
• Engorged Robber's Gorge - A Lawbringer Module
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Pinefrost Tower
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Dragon Bridge Overlook

HJAALMARCH

• Morthal; The Great City Of Morthal SSE Edition + Cities of the North - Morthal + Morthal Where's Wares + COTN Morthal Patch Collection
• Schlitzohr Stonehills
• Ryn's Ustengrav
• WINDSTAD

EASTMARCH

• Windhelm; Capital Windhelm Expansion + Rob's Bug Fixes - Capital Windhelm Expansion + Capital Windhelm Expansion - Collision Fixes + Capital Windhelm Expansion Eastern gate blackscreen and other fixes + Capital Windhelm Expansion Lite + Windhelm Bridge Revived + Windhelm Lighthouse (New) + Windhelm Lighthouse (Bug Fixes)
• Windhelm Interiors; JK's New Gnisis Cornerclub + JK's Palace of the Kings + Snazzy Interiors - JK's Palace of the Kings + JK's Temple of Talos + JK's Sadri's Used Wares + JK's Candlehearth Hall + JK's White Phial + Snazzy Interiors - Windhelm Blacksmith + Snazzy Interiors - Windhelm House of Clan Cruel-Sea + Snazzy Interiors - Windhelm House of Clan Shattershield + Snazzy Mesh Fixes - Windhelm Interiors + Snazzy Interiors - Windhelm Viola Giordano's House
• The Great Village of Kynesgrove + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Kynesgrove + The Great Village of Kynesgrove Missing Building Fix + The Great Village of Kynesgrove Patch Collection
• Legendary Cities - Tes Arena - Pargran Village (It is an old but heavily damaged area. Controlled by a clan in Windhelm) + Voices of the Legendary Cities
• Thanedom Of Darkwater Crossing (The town's leader, Verner, is a new thane for his services to Eastmarch. A leader who hosts his own clan and has a small subject)
• Orc Strongholds - Narzulbur
• Schlitzohr Laintar Dale + Laintar Dale Fixes (Settlement established close to yngol barrow, home to an old clan and a small community)
• Schlitzohr Amol Village + Amol Village Texture Patch (A small village close to Fort Amol)
• Thanedom Of Jarnborg ( Golldir's ancestors are an ancient clan belonging to the clan hillgrund. Now the clan has the castle it deserves. The current leader of the clan, Thane Cadmar Hillgrund )
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Riverside Shack
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Refugees Rest
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Traitor's Post
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Morvunskar
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Lost Knife Hideout

FALKREATH HOLD

• Falkreath; Cities of the North - Falkreath + The Great City Of Falkreath SSE Edition + Cities of the North - Falkreath Patch Collection
• RedBag's Falkreath - Half-Moon Mill Addon + RedBag's Falkreath - Half-Moon Mill Patches ( While I used Redbag's aesthetic in the more rural areas of Falkreath, I used the COTN aesthetic in the city. )
• RedBag's Falkreath - Pinewatch Addon
• Schlitzohr Oakwood (An average town owned by an old clan)
• Schlitzohr Granite Hill Village (Time to find out why the Falkreath Jarl isn't getting taxes. A village full of intrigue under the control of an old clan)
• Schlitzohr Sunthgat (It's a small area that is on the verge of extinction)
• Schlitzohr Neugrad Watch ( A place where we dive into the culture of Colovia, where many tasks await us. )
• Schlitzohr Cracked Tusk Keep ( A settlement held stronghold by an ancient orc clan that has been protecting the piece of Mehrunes Razor for 8 generations. Many tasks await us. )
• snozz2004 Bleak Falls Tower + Lawbringer Patch
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Embershard Mine
• snozz2004 Embershard + Skyrim Realistic Conquering Patch
• snozz2004 Bleak Falls Barrow Overhaul
• snozz2004 Bannermist + Lawbringer Patch
• snozz2004 Brittleshin + Lawbringer Patch
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Skybound Watch
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Falkreath Watchtower
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Peak's Shade Tower and Pinewatch Checkpoint
• Ryn's Anise's Cabin
• Spaghetti's Faction Halls - Dark Brotherhood
• Skybound Underhang Camp + Skybound Underhang Camp - Lawbringer Extension

THE PALE

• Dawnstar; The Great City Of Dawnstar SSE Edition + Cities of the North - Dawnstar + Dawnstar - The Hawking Horker + COTN Dawnstar Patch Collection + Dawnstar Burial Site
• Stendarr Rising - The Hall of the Vigilant Rebuild
• Thanedom Of Anga's Mill (Anga is now a thane. Together with their relatives, they supply Dawnstar's wood for the war)
• Ryn's Mehrunes Dagon's Shrine + Ryn's Mehrunes Dagon - Patch Collection
• Gonzeh - Nightgate Inn Re-imagined
• Schlitzohr Dunpar Wall (A small road crossing district that was home to an old clan)
• Fort Takeovers - Fort Fellhammer
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Snowpoint Beacon
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Wreck of the Brinehammer

THE REACH

• Markarth; SKY CITY - Markarth Rising + JK's Markarth Outskirts + JK's Markarth Outskirts Patch Collection
• Markarth Interiors; JK's Silver-Blood Inn + JK's The Hag's Cure + JK's Temple of Dibella + JK's Understone Keep + JK's Arnleif and Sons Trading Company + Snazzy Interiors - Markarth Guard Tower + Snazzy Interiors - Markarth Treasury House + Snazzy Interiors - Markarth Endon's House + Snazzy Interiors - Markarth Nepos' House
• The Great Town of Karthwasten SSE + The Great Town of Karthwasten Patch Collection + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Karthwasten
• The Great Village of Old Hroldan SSE + The Great Village of Old Hroldan Patch Collection + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Old Hroldan
• Schlitzohr Amber Guard (It is an old settlement and home to a powerful clan)
• JK's Sky Haven Temple
• Lawbringer - Harmugstahl
• Lawbringer - Bruca's Leap Redoubt
• Ryn's Karthspire + Ryn's Karthspire Patches
• Orc Strongholds - Dushnikh Yal
• Orc Strongholds - Mor Khazgur

THE RIFT

• Riften; Riften Docks Overhaul + Riften Extension - Southwoods District + Ryn's Farms - Riften Extension Southwoods District Patch Collection + Riften Towers + Patches
• Riften Interiors; JK's Elgrim's Elixirs + JK's The Ragged Flagon + JK's The Pawned Prawn + JK's Mistveil Keep + JK's Haelga's Bunkhouse + JK's The Bee and Barb + JK's The Temple of Mara + Snazzy Interiors - Riften Black-Briar Manor + Snazzy Interiors - Riften Snow-Shod Manor + Snazzy Exteriors - Riften Snow-Shod Manor + Mara's Embrace - Riften Brothel + RIften Bathhouse + GG's Thieves Guild Headquarters
• Thuldor's Ivarstead + Thuldor's Ivarstead - Patch Collection + Thuldor's Ivarstead - Tweaks and Addons
• The Great Town of Shor's Stone SSE + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Shor's Stone + The Great Town of Shor's Stone Enhanced + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Shor's Stone Enhanced + The Great Town of Shor's Stone Patch Collection
• Thanedom Of Treva's Watch (Stalleo now truly owns the castle and is a member of a powerful clan)
• Thanedom Of Heartwood (Small town ruled by a not so old clan)
• Orc Strongholds - Largashbur
• JK's Fort Dawnguard
• Reich Corigate (A mid-range town that is home to an ancient and powerful clan)
• Vernim Wood (It is an old settlement and is home to an old clan)
• JK's High Hrothgar
• Lawbringer - Boulderfall Cave
• Fort Takeovers - Duskwatch Tower
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Darklight Tower
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Rift Watchtower
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Nilheim
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Shor's Watchtower
• Ryn's Goldenglow Estate
• Boulderfall Cave for Lawbringer

WHITERUN HOLD

• Whiterun; Capital Whiterun Expansion + Rob's Bug Fixes - Capital Whiterun Expansion + Capital Whiterun Expansion Lite + Capital Whiterun Expansion - Patch Collection + More Capital Whiterun Expansion patches + JK's Whiterun Outskirts + GG's Impoverished Whiterun + Whiterun Exteriors Patch Collection + Capital Whiterun Manors Addon + Fortified Whiterun
• Whiterun Interiors; JK's Belethor's General Goods + JK's The Drunken Huntsman + JK's Warmaiden's + JK's Temple of Kynareth + JK's The Bannered Mare + JK's Arcadia's Cauldron + JK's Dragonsreach + Snazzy Interiors - JK's Dragonsreach + JK's Jorrvaskr + Snazzy Interiors - Whiterun House Gray-Mane + Snazzy Interiors - Whiterun House Battle-Born
• Snozz2004 Fort Greymoor
• JK's Riverwood + Ryn's Riverwood Trader + Ryn's Alvor and Sigrid's House + Ryn's Faendal's House + Ryn's Sven's and Hilde's House + Ryn's Hod and Gerdur's House + Ryn's Sleeping Giant Inn + Ryn's Riverwood Patch Collection
• The Great City of Rorikstead SSE Edition + Rob's Bug Fixes - TGC Rorikstead
• Schlitzohr Greymoor (A small settlement near fort greymoor)
• Schlitzohr New Weynon (A small settlement near Loreius Farm)
• Serenity + Halted Stream Mine + Tactical Valtheim (Lawbringer Addons)
• snozz2004 Redoran's Retreat
• snozz2004 Graywinter
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - White River Watch
• snozz2004 White River Watch + Skyrim Realistic Conquering Patch
• Skyrim Realistic Conquering - Swindler's Den
• snozz2004 Swindler's Den + Skyrim Realistic Conquering Patch
• Ryn's Western Watchtower
• Ryn's Secunda's Kiss
• Ryn's Bleakwind Basin
• Ryn's Lund's Hut + Lawbringer

WINTERHOLD HOLD

• Winterhold; Cities of the North - Winterhold + The Great City Of Winterhold SSE Edition + Winterhold - The Bubbling Brew + Winterhold Docks + TGC Winterhold - The Frosted Hammer + Immersive Winterhold Jail + Winterhold Bathhouse + The Great City of Winterhold Patch Collection
• Juniper's Frostflow Lighthouse
• Schlitzohr Hvislharan - Whistling Mine Overhaul
• JK's College of Winterhold
• JK's Septimus Signus's Outpost
• Ryn's Saarthal
• Ryn's Azura's Shrine
• Thanedom Of Wynstead ( A thane, a small clan and fishing village. It's also a bit of a raider community )

SOLSTHEIM

• Raven Rock; Quaint Raven Rock - SE + Quaint Raven Rock Navm Cleaned and Optimized + Quaint Raven Rock Patch Collection
• Skaal Village Overhaul + Skaal Greathall Variant for Skaal Village Overhaul + Skaal Village Overhaul Patch Collection + Skaal Burial Site
• Better Tel Mithryn + Tel Mithryn Overhaul - Exterior and Interior Improvements + Patches
• House Rule - Lawbringer for Solstheim

The hold overhaul below is where I collect multi-location mods, environ series (greetings to Siberpunk! I am still waiting helgen :)) and patches etc.
HOLD OVERHAULS

• The Great Cities- Resources
• JK's Sinderion's Field Laboratory
• Ryn's Standing Stones
• Ryn's Farms
• Ryn's Standing Stones - Ryn's Farms Patch
• Snozz's Resource Pack
• Ryn's Dragon Mounds Collection
• Ryn's Skyrim - Fixes and Tweaks
• Thanedom Assets
• Axis of the Thanedoms
• JKs Guild HQ Interiors Patch Collection
• Snazzy Interiors Patch Collection * JK's Interiors Patch Collection
• Environs - Master Plugin
• Environs - The Greenwood Shack
• Environs - The Ruined Tundra Farmhouse
• Environs - Kolskeggr
• Environs - Hroggar's House
• Environs - Hroggar's House - Patch Collection
• Environs - Abandoned Abodes
• Environs - Abandoned Abodes - Patch Collection
• Environs - Riften Warehouse
• Environs - Riften Warehouse - Patch Collection
• Environs - The Shrines of Talos
• Environs - The Shrines of Talos - Patch Collection
• Lawbringer + Lawbringer - Guardsman + Lawbringer - Register and Claiming Fix

I'm also looking forward to any interesting mod recommendations that I might have missed.
Happy modding!

(Apologies long story ahead but I need some new eyes and opinion on my case)
So I (23F living in Melbourne Australia) have become very unwell and deteriorating consistently since 2021-more 2022. Quick background, mentally traumatic childhood, especially gaslit for my medical needs: “it’s all in your head” “Toughen up and walk it off” “You just need to exercise more” ect, don’t want to go deep. Had my fair share of issues as a kid, consistent tonsillitis, sore joints/knees especially.
In my teens I didn’t get very sick but I struggled with severe fatigue that was looked at as laziness and worsening of my knees but I “was too young to have anything wrong”
2022 I took a massive hit out of no where, in a range of 6-12 months I had contracted COVID 3 times, RSV, Influenza, multiple chest and body viruses, head colds, ear infections that even landed me in emergency, I could never get better before getting something else. I developed wide spread body pain from the consistent attack on my immunity compromising my nervous system (that is being looked at as possibly Fibromyalgia atm).
Fast forward to now, I have had according to my GP every blood test under the sun to check for auto immune diseases, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis ect, all negative. Stool, mucus, urine samples- nothing, I’ve had X-rays and ultrasounds done on my wrists, hips and knees for osteo only results shown are Bursitis and bulging meniscus in both my knees, possible Tear in my right knee and possibly a hip lateral tear needing an MRI to confirm, CT scans with and without dye on my abdomen, 4 internal and 6 external ultrasounds on my uterus on and off my period for possible endometriosis but nothing yet, a colonoscopy only a month ago showing only a handful of haemorrhoids, 24 hour heart monitor-fine and am now on the public waiting list for a rheumatologist, gynaecologist and orthopaedic specialist.
With no understanding to why, I also have a growing sensitivity to medications and quickly adjust to medications deeming some useless quick, 2016-2020 it was understood after 4 different contraception and 4 anti-depressant pills my body couldn’t handle that stuff with consistent yeast infections/UTI’s from contraception and mental health issues increasing from the antidepressants. As of recent this is now including broad spectrum and direct antibiotics (causing severe abdominal and bowl pain, passing blood through the colon and throwing up due to pain level-hospitalisation), a level of anti-inflammatories like NSAID’s trigger my GERD so there’s a medical worry of ulcers. Pain medications having bad adverse effects like palexia SR&IR - psychosis symptoms and Panadiene Forte- flaring my asthma-allergy symptoms.
I have diagnosed ADHD (2020) and consistently upping and trialling Vyvanse and dextroamphetamine since July 2023.
With all that information, I am typing this right now because I am as of this moment sitting in my chair with what was a chest cold 3 weeks ago now turning into a full chest infection needing an X-ray for possible pneumonia, this has spread into my sinuses causing a sinus infection also and now ear infections in both with one being worse than the other, trifecta right? Add on top my second burst abscess found 3 days ago in my belly button with green infection that smells like a sewage when it bursts, first one ever had was only 2 months ago (have a history of b/button yeast infections with no idea as hygiene is kept up very well), Dermatitis flaring on my scalp and what seems to be but not known yet eczema on the corners of my mouth, under stress yes I’d get this occasionally on one side but it’s upped it’s game to both sides feeling like a Sharp knife is slicing my mouth each time I open it to eat ect.
My body feels like it’s shutting down, like it is severely compromised but nothing to show why, please help. All blood test levels are in good range, white blood cells, inflammatory markers, iron is at 62, this is what I mean it doesn’t make sense. Ive been suffering for the last 6 months with debilitating chronic fatigue, headaches have turned into more occurring migraines, some nearly at thunderclap level, so much pain everywhere, clumsiness, light headed, nausea / lack of appetite. Every. Test. Is. Fine. But I’m not.
Daily medications: 2x 5mg Endone (barely helping length of time now, not chemically) 1x 5mg Diazepam for Insomnia (funny yes with fatigue but it’s understood the difference between tired and chronic fatigue) 1x 100mg Celebrex (if manageable) 70mg of Vyvanse

So I often have random pain, "MS Hug", numbness, pure nerve pains, etc. as I'm sure a lot of us do. Most of my issues are in my legs where I originally lose 90% control of my left ankle in 2013 and then right ankle in 2020. Since then the numb zones and muscle control on both sides has continued to get slightly worse but with no changes in MRI or flare ups since I've been on DMT (Ocrevus originally and now Kesimpta). However in the last week I started getting numbness over most of my right thigh and now it's gotten to the point of really painful, feeling like it's being crushed constantly regardless of if I'm lying down, standing, sitting, etc.
I recently had vein and artery ultrasounds done (as I'm getting some custom fitted compression stockings made due to getting lymphoma due to the lack of ankle movement) so it's not a circulation thing and I've got an MRI (brain only though) on Wednesday nest week and see my neurologist on Monday the week so I was hoping I could hold off until then but it's continually getting worst.
Does anyone have any advice in regards to how to tell a flare up from just random new symptoms, likely related to MS smouldering? I've got no headaches, vision issues, or extreme fatigue like I would get during a flare up but I'm guessing there is very little way of externally knowing the difference between a flair up and not? I would really prefer not to spend a week in hospital on steroids so hoping I can hold out a bit longer.
Additionally does anyone have any suggestions on what might help? I've tried basic pain meds and that did nothing but don't want to go to something stronger like endone yet. I've also been tempted to get a Gabapentin script as I've heard that can help. Final option would be some CBD oil as MS is one of the only things you can get it for in Australia but I hear it's a massive pain and process to get it prescribed :(

There's been a bunch of questions about Reformkliniken on here but not many detailed writeups, so I (28, NB, no T) figure I'll pitch in with my experience so far, both the day of surgery and recovery. I've had buttonhole DI top surgery not quite two months ago, and like many (all?) patients at Reformkliniken I didn't have drains. Brace yourself, this is going to be half of a novel.
TLDR: I'm super happy with my results, only had a minor complication, recovery is pretty textbook despite me occasionally screwing up.
(Getting to) the consultation
The consultation was about a year before surgery because my savings ended up used for something pretty different and I needed the year to save up again, so I don't remember it in super many details. Key things I do remember:

• it's really hard to get a time through their online booking system, you may have a better chance calling them - that will also take a couple of tries, and their phone tree is in Swedish, but if you don't press anything it'll put you through to the reception
• Dr. Tuve was good at explaining what kind of procedures would work for me, and demonstrated what would be done; he also knew off the top of his head which of my medications would interfere with anesthesia or healing and when I should take medication breaks.
• don’t remember if I straight up told him I had ADHD or if it was just obvious from the medication, but that was no issue either
• I opted for keeping my nipples, but as I recall he posed whether I want to keep them or not as a completely open question
• there was absolutely no requirement for having been on testosterone (never have been, never will, and it was absolutely no issue)
• word of warning, if you speak sufficiently understandable Danish, there's a risk he'll speak... Swedish? Swe-danish?... with you. That said, I understood him even though Danish is my third language, and he understood me even though I could only give my weight and height with the "basically a math problem" Danish words for the numbers. Everyone else at the clinic spoke English with me, though.

Before the surgery
About a month and a half before surgery I got a mail from the clinic with the surgery date, price (42.000 Swedish kroner - I think that's only their starting price by now, but I think I got it because it was the one agreed on at the consultation), payment information, and instructions on how to prepare for the surgery, what to do after the surgery, and what to bring (comfortable clothes and compression socks, plus the antibiotics and pain medication they prescribe you).
Their info materials say top surgery usually is an outpatient surgery, but you'll be able to stay overnight if there's any issues or if you feel safer doing so. That said, there apparently isn't always a doctor at the clinic on Fridays, so if your surgery is on a Thursday like mine was, you won't be able to if it's just personal worry.
From two weeks before the surgery, I had to avoid taking any painkillers that have blood-thinning properties, and cut my nails super close (I already do due to my job, but paid extra attention to it...)
The medication they prescribed me was paracetamol and celecoxib (an NSAID) for the pain and cefadroxil (a broad-spectrum cephalosporine antibiotic) as a prophylactic antibiotic. (My mom's a nephrologist [and incorrigible micromanager], wanted to know about my meds and wasn't too happy about the celecoxib, apparently it's not the greatest for the kidneys - she told me to really make sure I was hydrated. It ended up not being that much of a problem - more on that later.) If you're not in the Swedish healthcare system, they'll tell you the specific pharmacy where you can pick up your medication - I assume if you are you'll probably be able to pick it up wherever.
Since it was just a couple of hours by train for me my sister and I went to Malmö the day before the surgery, picked up the meds, checked into a hotel close to the clinic and went to have a solid dinner to celebrate. I also took the first dose of the antibiotic.
I took a shower (with unscented sensitive shower gel) before I went to bed, and in the morning before I went to the clinic, I showered again. I was allowed clear liquids until two hours before I checked into the clinic, and took advantage of that - being properly hydrated definitely doesn't hurt in terms of helping them find your veins when they give you an IV.
The day of surgery
I checked in early in the morning, at around 7.00, spent a bit of time in the waiting room, and then it feels like things happened pretty quickly.
I was called up, shown a room and asked if it was okay for me to share it with someone (it was). A nurse went over my intake questionnaire (health, medication, allergies, smoking, diet,...) with me and registered all the information. Then I got sent to take yet another shower, this time with antibacterial soap, and change into the clinic's bathrobe and slippers. (Protip for other long-haired folks: braid your hair after you washed it. If you leave it loose it WILL tangle and it'll take forever to unknot because you won't be able to brush it yourself. Ask me how I know.) After the shower, I went back to the room and put on my compression socks, making sure not to stand on the floor without slippers.
A bit of time passed, I think I may have chatted with my roommate (he was also in for top surgery), and then the nurse came with a metric ton of pills and some liquid anti-nausea medication. As I recall, the pills were

• prescription painkiller
• paracetamol (a lot of paracetamol)
• maybe celecoxib
• ...and that's where it gets fuzzy, I think even more anti-nausea stuff?

Protip here: take the liquid anti-nausea medication first, it tastes nasty and the juice you'll get to take the pills with will wash the taste away.
Then I was sent in to Dr. Tuve to talk over the procedure - it was exactly what he'd explained at the consultation, of course, but it was to be sure that we were on the same page. He drew where the incisions would be on my chest and also wrote "FTM BUTTONHOLE" on my chest. Which was weirdly calming to me, because I could tell things were being prepared and documented properly and they were making absolutely sure that they'd perform the right procedure (I'd rather have a surgeon who documents the "obvious" than one who figures it'll be fine and they can remember). He also took photos from the front and side.
Shortly after that it was time for surgery. I had a brief chat with the anaesthesist where he confirmed with me that I'd had a break from the medication I'm taking that could mess with the anesthesia, and then it was off to the OR. Since the clinic isn't super huge, that meant walking like five steps. I got one of these hair nets to put on beforehand so my hair wouldn't shed all over the place, and straight after the door to the OR there was some sort of sticky mat that I think was there to remove any possible contamination on the slippers. I got onto the operating table by myself and... probably babbled the poor anaesthesist's head off to distract myself. He originally wanted to insert the IV line on the back of my hand but since I've still got some residual nerves about needles and have desensitized myself a lot more to needles in the crook of the elbow as a regular plasma donor, he went with that. I got the "oxygen" mask on my face and was told to take deep breaths, tried to name a fruit for each letter of the alphabet in my head... I got to M, then I felt my legs get heavy, and next thing I knew was I was back in the room in my bed, feeling like I'd been woken up in the middle of a really good nap. For everyone concerned about saying something embarrassing: I think I might have talked to a nurse and mixed together English and Danish in the middle of a sentence and when I was slightly more awake I sent my family a very zonked-out selfie and a terrible pun as proof of life, but nothing worse XD
I was "just-woke-up-from-a-nap" groggy for maybe an hour or two and dizzy the first... half hour? at least the first hour (I complained at everyone who'd listen, just found the chat with my poor sister again XD)... but I had zero nausea and immediately said yes when a nurse asked me whether I wanted something to eat and drink. No problems with eating either, except it was kind of hard to swallow with a sore throat. No problem drinking either - they'd provided a straw but I didn't really need it. There was one issue... maybe a bit TMI, but it took me what felt like forever before I could pee again. Three hours, I think? It's a common reaction to anesthesia, but it spooked me, so if any of you all encounter that, here's your reassurance that it'll pass.
At some point one of the nurses came in, both to show me how to use the compression bandage I got and to show me my chest(!!!). When the bandages came off I was just repeating "oh my god I'm flat" for a solid five minutes XD Then he changed the compresses on my incisions, bandaged my chest with some fairly tight elastic bandages that had to stay on until the next morning, and showed me how to put on my compression bandage, which basically was just a long elastic belt thing with velcro.
Skipping ahead here to the binder life hacks I figured out for myself: if you tend to pull the binder too tight, take like half a breath before you put it on, hold your breath, and only release when everything is velcro'ed in place.
Once I'd eaten, walked without getting dizzy, and peed, I was fine to leave. I got a "goodie bag" with more wound care instructions, micropore tape for the incisions, another package of compresses, and some prescription meds - paraflex (chlorzoxazone, a muscle relaxant) and oxynorm (oxycodone) for if the pain couldn't be managed with OTC pain meds, with instructions to first try if the paraflex helped before resorting to oxynorm.
Recovery
Immediately after surgery (day 0-1):
I was feeling pretty good after surgery, but ended up overdoing it (tried to help my sister with buying snacks, even though I didn't carry anything) and spent the evening worrying I'd reopened all my stitches. The night was... well, it sucked. My back and shoulder muscles had probably been relaxed for the first time in five years during the surgery and now were tensing up in new and interesting ways, and the tight bandages were not helping. I didn't want to take the paraflex because combined with paracetamol the risk of liver toxicity is higher, so I... ended up lying in bed staring at the ceiling and got three hours of sleep. (Not that it was better for my sister - the hotel had given us a room with a double bed and they didn't want to risk hurting me, so they ended up sleeping on the floor).
The next morning the tight bandages came off and only the binder remained, which helped a lot with the back pain. However, after breakfast my face started flushing until it looked almost sunburned and felt hot. I called the clinic straightaway, but as it was easier for me to navigate the Danish healthcare system, we ended up deciding I should contact my GP. I managed to just get an urgent time, rushed home with public transport, and made it just in time, while also pausing all my new medication including the painkillers in case it was an allergic reaction to any of them. That was... not fun. The GP determined that since I'd previously taken paracetamol with no worse effect than tiredness, I could keep that, but the celecoxib and cefadroxil had to be replaced with an NSAID I knew I tolerated and an antibiotic from a different class. I picked up the latter at a pharmacy, my sister and I had a boba tea to get our blood sugar back up, and we went home, where I kinda crashed.
I have a blood sample to determine if it was an allergic reaction coming up soon, but my own suspicion is that I'd worn my binder too tight - I got similar but milder symptoms about a week later, and they went away when I loosened my binder.
1-10 days after surgery (recovery with help):
Medication: I'd been warned that the first four days were the worst, and accordingly took my painkillers on a schedule until day 3, then started tapering off and taking them as needed (had some days completely without, and then two with one 250mg dose of naproxen instead).
Mobility/range of motion: the usual - no getting my pulse up, no carrying anything over 1 kg per hand, no raising arms above shoulder height. I fucked up a couple of times, but aside from brief pain it was fine.
Daily life: I took it really slowly on day 2/3, just going for some very short walks while monitoring my pulse like a hawk. As time went on, though, I recovered fairly well, by day 5 I was helping my sister with cooking, by day 7 we went for all-you-can-eat sushi with public transit, and on day 9 we went to visit my best friend a few towns over. I was on sick leave from work the first week and a half.
Healing: my stupid stunts on day 0-1 probably didn't help with healing, so when I was first allowed to check my compresses I had bled enough that I had to use compresses until day 4 (at which point there was no bleeding). I also had one episode of vasovagal syncope - as in, LOL ITS FAINTING TIME - when my nipple bled, but only once, and the warning signs were clear enough I could lie down in time so I didn’t actually faint.
Other things:

• TMI again, but constipation quickly stopped being a problem, and with the new antibiotic I was on, let's say I was very happy that my meals involved all sorts of lactic acid bacteria.
• I slept on my back on my sofa, with the cushions piled up - that helped a lot
• I had zero issues with nausea or lack of appetite - it may have been my sister's great cooking, but I ate a lot. Protein-rich meals, plenty of flavor (without drowning it in salt), and snacks in between. Had been really worried about that since lack of appetite also is a common side effect of my usual meds.
• I was technically allowed to shower but didn't feel comfortable with water touching my chest just yet - that got me told off at the checkup, water just flowing down from my shoulders onto my chest would have been fine and even helpful - and washing my hair required help. That said: get a bunch of washcloths at IKEA to keep the strategic parts clean. They'll also help with the whole "pat your tape dry with a fresh towel every day" thing when showering daily since that way you don't need to have 117 towels or do the laundry every other day
• related to that: 5 days roll-on deodorant is a lifesaver, it helps a lot when you don't have the spoons for putting on deodorant daily.

The checkup:
At the checkup a nurse inspected my incisions and gave me instructions for how to change the micropore tape. The incisions themselves had healed well and there was no excessive swelling, so I got the go-ahead to start leaving off the binder at night. However, I also got confirmation that my nipples, which looked pretty dark from what I'd hoped just was bruising, had had circulation issues during surgery and would scab over and recover under the scabs. I was told to wash them carefully by lathering up some shower gel in my hands and holding the lather over the nips for two minutes, and otherwise cover them with compresses. This is the only complication I've had so far, though, and as they go, it's probably the "best" I could have gotten. Aside from that, my skin kind of reacts to the micropore tape, so I've been told to leave it off for a couple of days if it gets too bad. So far, it's been fine though.
Week 1.5-4 (solo recovery/non-caregiver visitors around week 3/4):
Medication: one single 250 mg dose of naproxen the first day of solo recovery, where I was tired and knocked out and everything sucked and that made things hurt worse.
Mobility/range of motion: same restrictions as before, though it was getting harder to comply - I kept wanting to streeeetch.
Work/daily life: worked from home for two weeks, then took a week off because family came over. Worked the full 8 hours on the first day and I was knocked out afterwards. Hadn't realized the snacks my sister had nudged me to eat in between meals had been so thoroughly necessary, but got better at that quickly, and was way less knocked out after working consequently. Went grocery shopping on foot with a bike trailer that I loaded/unloaded one item at a time, generally got most things done around the house with some workarounds. Cooking was the biggest struggle with the weight restrictions, since the pans I usually used were just too heavy, but I managed to find alternatives in the weeks I was alone and had the family do the dishes in exchange for me cooking the meals in the week they were there.
Healing: I kept being sort of on-off with the binder - left it off for a couple of nights, thought I'd seen swelling, kept it on again,... until about the middle of week 3, after which I consistently left it off overnight, then added an hour before going to bed, then two,... The nipples were two solid scabs and the end of a suture was poking out on the side of one, but aside from poking me in the hand when I showered it didn't do anything, and it fell out when the rest of it dissolved at some point.
Other things:

• at around week 3 I moved to sleeping in my own bed, first with cushions, then flat on my back
• taking off the binder really helped with shrimping, as I felt like it would loosen when I forced my shoulders back down
• protip for long-haired folks: get yourself one of those towel turbans, it's much easier to pat your tape dry after showering when your hair's not dripping water all over the place

Week 4-now:
Mobility: No hard weight, range of movement, or exercise restrictions! (Aside from no pec exercises for the next month and a half.) I've been getting back to cycling to work - the first week I just cycled a bit of the way and took public transit for the rest, then moved to cycling all the way, first with my compression binder, and the last week without. In terms of range of movement I can still get "stuck" sometimes where I'm not sure if it hurts because of the scar or because of the tape, but it's been getting better.
Work/daily life: I've returned to working in person, but am now taking another holiday so I can burn off my time off for this year (had saved up in case work didn't give me sick leave and it racked up to a lot). Don't feel all that many limitations, I feel like I'm close to where I was preop, just with a chest that looks like mine. I am looking forward to being able to exercise my pecs again, though, and during my first workout session earlier this week I was a bit surprised to realize that weights that didn't even register as anything to me before now suddenly weighed something again.
Healing: Wore the binder at work and took it off home, then switched that around because I shrimped so much in it; did that for a week, then only wore it when cycling, and now it's at "when needed". The nipple scabs came off - one a week ago, and the other yesterday under the shower. My nipples look a bit uneven - the right one has more projection than it had before, while the left one currently is maybe a tiny bud - but I'm trusting in the process, since everything has gone well so far. There's still numb spots on my chest, but again, trusting the process.
Overall, in any case, I'm super satisfied with my results! My chest is flat, just the right level of masc-leaning as a sort of "counterbalance" to my long swishy hair (and that without T), I'm happy with the shape of my incisions, and the only complication I've had was a fairly minor one that so far seems to be healing well.

Hi all, thought I'd share my experience with top surgery. It's literally the day after but I knew I'd forget what happened if I didn't write it all down immediately. It's long and detailed but I hope it's helpful for anyone who's not sure of exactly what goes on once you're in the hospital (I certainly wasn't!).
Pre-op appointment
The pre-op appointment was two days before my surgery. I took my partner and mum along with me. It was a really quick chat. She confirmed the procedure I was having, that I still wanted no nipples, that she’d be doing some liposuction, then asked if we had any questions, which I think took us all by surprise because she really wasn’t giving any new information for us to ask questions on. My mum asked some about recovery – some of which had already been discussed in the consultation but mum wasn’t there for that. Then Dr Lisa – after checking whether I was okay with my guests still being in the room - got me to stand on a little rotating platform so she could take pictures from different angles. She told us that the medicare code had changed to 31524 instead of 31523, she’d apparently found out that morning. Overall she was super helpful and patient, and my mum said she felt much more at ease after meeting her and hearing about the recovery etc from her.
Day of
Got an email a couple of days beforehand from the hospital with a breakdown of costs and some options to pay online or to pay when I arrived.
Hospital texted me the day before with the arrival time of 11:30, and said I could have a light meal before 6:30 but fast after that. I ended up just fasting since midnight. We arrived at about 11:10 and had to wait in the waiting room for a bit. They confirmed my name, procedure, and doctor, and gave me the financial info. I asked them about the $300 quoted for prostheses and they said that was standard and it would be for the binder then any left over would be refunded back to me. I also asked about the medicare code because they had the old one on there, and they said that this was just an estimate and they would have the correct one on the official receipt once I’d left and they’d calculated incidentals/things like the binder. They were super willing to go out of their way to get the answers to my questions, but one of the people working the front desk did she/her me.
They started taking me to the private room I would end up sleeping in, but it wasn’t fully ready yet so they took me upstairs to one of the day surgery rooms, which was just a couple of chairs with a curtain between them. A nurse came in after a couple of minutes after being there and her first questions were “Spencer, is that your preferred name?” and “What are your pronouns?” which she then wrote down on my chart. She went through a bunch of paperwork, asking about allergies and if I’d been fasting etc. She took my blood pressure and weighed me and measured my height. She also asked what was important to me/what was my goal, she said some people really want to make sure they don’t have pain etc. I just said “I want it to go well” and she wrote that down. She then gave me the gown and told me to put it on and I could keep my underwear on. I asked if it tied in the back (it did) and she said she could help me if I couldn’t reach the ties. She left and after a bit she returned with a robe as well “to complete the look”. She also put compression socks on me, using the plastic bag they came in to help slide them over the foot. The compression socks were open at the toe which I liked because autism. She also gave me non-slip socks to wear on top of the compression socks. I thought I would be waiting in this room for a while but it was probably less than half an hour, including all that changing etc. She said I would leave my belongings here and they’d be put in her manager’s room to be kept safe and then would be waiting for me in my private room after surgery. She told me I could wear my glasses to the theatre and they’d be given back in the recovery room but another nurse then came to get me to take me to the surgery area and asked if I could walk without my glasses, I said yes so she asked me to leave them with my belongings. If I had my time over I think I would’ve argued to keep them because the next bit was the most anxiety inducing bit by far.
They took me to a little curtained off room and sat me in a chair with a heated blanket, which was a nice touch, and it had a tv on silent. I couldn’t watch it though because I didn’t have my glasses. It was loud in this area, I could hear staff talking a lot about different patients and their procedures (I heard one person’s full name and the name of their procedure which feels like something I shouldn’t know?) and it was overall a lot more busy than the other areas. I felt like I was waiting for ages here, but that could just be because it was stressful and there was no clock. The anaesthetist – Carmen Leow – came to see me and she seemed a bit stressed/busy. She misgendered me once which I didn’t love. She asked if I’d remembered to take my puffer this morning and I’d forgotten and she said “I told you to take it this morning” so that made me feel even more anxious. She put the canula in my hand – I mentioned that I’d read that someone had said this was the most painful part and she joked “don’t punch me”. It really wasn’t that bad, just felt like a normal needle. She came back after a bit and put me on a nebuliser because I have asthma, and she wanted to reduce the risk of an asthma attack on the table. Of course, the only time I’ve had nebulisers before were when I was having an asthma attack so this just made me more anxious. She asked if I had my puffer here with my stuff, and I told her where it was and she went and got it and had me take the nebuliser off briefly to use it. Lisa arrived after a while (I have no sense of time I’m sorry) of being on the nebuliser and then left to check whether I was done with it. Carmen came back and took it off and packed it away. Lisa had me turn to face away from where people entered through the curtain (she did a little turn around motion with her fingers and my autistic, anxious self had no idea what she was asking until she said it verbally lmao) and then she drew on me for surgery. She noted that my left breast was encroaching on the middle line, and said that she wanted to avoid the scars connecting so asked whether, if they needed to, I’d rather that left scar curve up slightly or turn at a right angle. She said some people prefer right angle if they want a more masculine kind of look. She gave me a minute to think while she finished drawing and I said probably curve would look more natural but I really didn’t mind and was willing to trust her judgement on what would look best on my body.
I waited in that room for a bit longer and then someone came and got me to take me into theatre. They introduced me to the other person in there (I can’t remember her name or job title). They had me untie the robe and lay down on my back. They got me to remove my arms from the robe but kept it up over my chest, then put my arms on the arm platform things that come off the bed, and my ankles were also supported in a little foam thing. They took my blood pressure again and she said “oh, a little nervous are we?” which I think was meant to be a joke but I was like “..yes?” lmao. Then Carmen said “this will calm you down” and I thought it was going to be painkillers or something but I guess it was anaesthetic because that’s the last I remember.
I woke up in the recovery room which honestly was just a big space, there was one person in another bed near me but the rest was empty. There was a nurse near me, they said everything had gone really well. I asked them what time it was (about 5:00 – not that I knew what time I ended up going into surgery lmao). I also asked them to call my partner because I know he’d been stressed. They did it right away and I could hear them talking to him. They came back and said he’d been very relieved to hear it was all good. I was very drowsy and dozed off a few times in the recovery room, no idea how long I was there for.
Then they wheeled me into my private room. All my belongings were already in there. I asked for my glasses and my phone which they gave me, then they showed me the buttons for the lights and the call button. I had a bathroom shared with the room next door, but they told me that patient was leaving that night so I’d have it to myself. They asked if I was ready for dinner, and I had been fasting for at least 17 hours so yes I was ready for dinner. They also got me to fill out what I wanted for breakfast the next morning. I ate and it really wasn’t bad, I quite liked the food. I did spill orange juice and gravy on the sheets because I was still quite zonked but I’m sure they’ve cleaned up worse stains. My mum came to visit at 6:30 and stayed until about 8. She found a free hot chocolate machine and bought me chocolate from the vending machine, and she got me set up with my laptop, headphones and book (spoiler alert: I did not end up reading at all).
I really couldn’t sleep but I didn’t have a lot of pain. I called for the nurse around 11pm because I was worried my binder was slipping up and wasn’t in the right position. They were very lovely and checked it was okay. I watched like 7 episodes of Schitts Creek on my laptop through the night (they had wifi for patients!). They checked my blood pressure and drains/drain sites a few times – notably at 3am and 5am.
Day aftedischarge
I didn’t go back to sleep after 5am. Breakfast came at 7:40ish. They told me that once Lisa arrived and checked everything then I’d be able to get my drains out and go home. My partner arrived a bit before 9 to pick me up (9 is meant to be discharge time) but Lisa didn’t arrive until 9:45ish. During this time I was waiting, I called the nurse again because I was in pain and they gave me some endone (I think). I also got a text from Lisa's office scheduling my post-op appointment for 5 days from now. When she arrived, Lisa undid my binder, showed me that I could shower with the bottom dressings on – apparently they’re designed for liposuction recovery and she’s trying them out – and then just make sure to wear the binder the rest of the time. She also told me that the best way to put the binder on was to lie on top of it and pull it around the front that way, just to make it easier and prevent it slipping. She checked my drains (really not much in them at all) and said it looked like I was good to go. She was only there for like 5 minutes. Once she left the nurse came and took out the drains. Absolutely gross feeling but not super painful. Then he helped me put the binder back on and left to sort out the paperwork. My partner helped me get dressed (button up shirts are not that easy because twisting is the worst). We went out into the hallway where the ward reception desk was and waited. The nurse brought us medication to take home (panadeine forte & endone) and described when to take it, and had me sign to say I’d received it. We also had to give the front desk my name on the way out and she just checked it off a list.
The car ride home was okay – I think the endone really helped honestly because some of the bumps were painful but I dozed off on the freeway. A pillow between me and the seatbelt was great. I needed help getting into bed once I got home just because of the amount of twisting (and also managing a weighted blanket by myself was not going to happen) and I had a nap and now I’m writing this.
Overall, I’m impressed with how everything went. I haven’t seen my results yet but I’m definitely flatter than I was. Everyone, especially the nurses, were really helpful and kind and having my own room was really nice.

Hi, this is my first time posting but I couldn't find anything regarding this through google. About myself: I am a 25 year old male, due to having multiple back surgeries for slipped discs I am also a chronic pain patient and have been for the past 6 years. I currently live with my parents as between frequent doctors appointments, medication costs and simply struggling to walk or stand up properly I would not be able to afford to live elsewhere.
Unfortunately my situation at home is tense at best and absolute hell at its worst due to my parents no longer getting along. Usually my solution to this is simply to get out of the house and stay with a relative for a few days, usually my cousin who we'll call Steve.
Now Steve is very naive when it comes to medications and is unfamiliar with the vast majority with the exception of the most well known medications (morphine, endone, valium, xanax etc.) and had a tendency to rely upon one of my other cousin who works as a nurse in aged care or his girlfriend at the time who had recently quit her job for information regarding medications.
While I was staying with him most recently I found out that he had made note of all my medications, strength of my medication and dosage specifically to ask his girlfriend about.
I've since discovered that he has told the majority of my extended family members (truthfully I have no idea how many people he's shared my details with) my medications and dosages of which many are Schedule 8 controlled substances and with a member of my extended family having stollen my grandmother's pain medication on 3 separate occasions (that we know of) I don't know how to approach this. I have tried on more than one occasion explaining to him why I am on these medications, what medications they are and what they are for as well as the fact that my medications are all managed by my GP who I see atleast once a week, other GP's who work at the same clinic for a second opinion because I believe that a different doctor who I'm not seeing the same amount as my usual GP should have some input due to the highly addictive medications I'm prescribed so I know that the course of action is the correct one. I also see a pain specialist at minimum twice a year and a psychiatrist who is also a pain specialist who works in the same practice as my pain specialist. From a medical practitioners perspective, I am doing everything everything I should be doing.
Since finding out he has no qualms sharing information that I shared with him in confidence, I confronted him about it and that I understood that he was doing it out of care but that doesn't excuse the fact that that these are personal, private details that I believed I was sharing with him and only him and he had in effect deeply upset me and lost my trust as not even two months prior I had a similar issue with him and had quite clearly told him that if he had an issue with me or my medication, he was to speak to me first and if that conversation didn't address his concerns or was unsatisfied with my response, onky then I would be consenting of him sharing this information.
This time however he made no attempt to speak to me and instead called my grandmother deeply upsetting both of us. I attempted to resolve the situation in a polite and respectful manner, instead all I received were condescending messages that confirmed he had been discussing my medical details with more than just our immediate family.
At this point I honestly just want him out of my life, since most recently attempting to bring the matter to a close he's been changing details to match his story of events (like that I had overdosed on the back step, which raises another question, if I had overdosed wouldn't you at minimum call an ambulance?), calling me a child, that I constantly play the victim, told me I needed rehab and completely invalidated my pain. Unfortunately as he is still a family member it means that I will be forced to see him at family events regardless of my feelings.
What are my options in terms of keeping him out of my life and from continuing to share my personal and private medical information? Do I have any options?
Thank you in advance, any help would be appreciated!

Hi friends,
PHOTOS IN THE COMMENTS
I am 5 weeks post op this week and this community was a huge help and was pretty much the only thing I was reading during my recovery - I have a few things to share that hopefully will help a few of you also going through this!
Backstory: 24 year old female, generally healthy however have always had LARGE LARGE tonsils. Would get tonsillitis a lot in high school however didn’t get it “bad enough” for anyone to consider writing me a referral to get them removed. I was prescribed steroids on a few occasions to help the swelling go down as when I would get tonsillitis my tonsils would be so swollen they were touching, almost blocking my airways (love that for me).
Fast forward last year in August I had the worst case of tonsillitis and was unable to get out of bed for a solid 7 days. Regular doctor prescribed antibiotics which I was unresponsive to, tried to go to another doctor to get steroids however it was then that I was finally given a referral to the Ear, nose and throat (ENT) surgeon.
I have always been a snorer and had poor breathing out of my nostrils (and allergies). My snoring got quite bad after that bad case of tonsillitis to the point my partner struggled to sleep beside me.
I went along to my consult and my surgeon (who had been practicing for 30+ years) looked in my mouth and said “Wow, they are something special”…. Not something you want to hear from a person whose seen hundreds let alone thousands of other peoples tonsils lol. He said my quality of life would significantly improve if we removed the tonsils and some of my adenoids.
So I’m in Australia and we have Medicare which means if I waited to go to a public hospital I could get most of the fees covered however it was going to be a 12+ month wait. I decided to go private (a day surgery) and I’m glad I did as I booked in for the surgery within 2 months of my consult. It was about $3700 AUD in total (a small price to pay for how great I feel now)
Many people warned me that this was not going to be a pleasant experience and you need to take the full 2 weeks off work to recover.
I’m annoyed I didn’t take a picture of my tonsils pre surgery but you’ll be able to see from the scars in the upcoming photos how large they were. I had scarring all over my tonsils from the multiple times I had tonsillitis and my right tonsil was double the size of the left one???? dont know how tf that works but anyway.
​
THE SURGERY DAY:

• My surgery was the first one of the day - i think 7.15am/7.30am so I had to stop eating before midnight which was easy because I was sleeping, and no fluids from 5am (again didn't really matter since I had just pretty much woken up and headed straight to the surgery).
• They took my blood pressure, asked a few health questions and asked my weight (so they could give me enough of the drugs to knock me out
• Took me through to the hospital bed room but the funny part was, I actually had to walk myself into the operating theatre, they didn't wheel the bed through. Bit of a strange feeling walking into a room with surgeons and nurses but I was very lucky to have such a great day surgery and everyone was extremely nice and ensured I was as comfortable and relaxed as possible :)
• I'm OK with needles so wasn't too fussed about them putting the cannular in (I used to have a phobia of needles and jabs but I promise as soon as they do it you are like oh wow that wasn't that bad!)
• The last thing I remember pre surgery was them saying "We're gonna give you something to make you relax and the world is going to feel like such a wonderful place!" - I remember literally nothing after she finished that sentence. Whatever they gave me knocked me tf out.

WAKING UP FROM SURGERY:

• Dizzy, confused, very very sleepy - kinda went in and out of sleep for a while.
• They woke me up, gave me more meds through my cannular, I remember feeling super nauseous
• Spoke to the nurse when I woke up and they told me I swallowed a lot of blood during the surgery (which is common) but that was the reason for my nausea mixed with the anaesthetic wearing off.
• Was moved through to the 'post-recovery/pre-pick up from surgery' room, where they gave me an ice block and my surgeon came to check on me. He said all went well and just gave me some info about my pain meds (I'll go into detail about what I was on later)
• Started to feel really sick whilst talking to the surgeon, thought I was going to throw up on him. The second he got up one of the nurses brought over a vomit back and I threw up an impressive amount of blood - I felt amazing after this lol.
• My dad came to pick me up, I was feeling pretty good. My voice was really weird and scratchy

AFTER SURGERY:

• I stayed at my parents house for about a week after surgery (I live with my partner in a share house and thought that probably wasn't the best place to have peace and quiet) and you're going to feel a bit useless, weak and tired, so you definitely want to have someone around who can take care of you for a while.

PAIN MEDS I WAS PRESCRIBED:
Anti-inflammatory meds - twice a day for 14 days
Tapentadol (PALEXIA) - every 4 hours as needed, for 7 days (some people get prescribed codeine or endone but i got this for some reason)
Panadol Osteo (strongest over the counter Panadol - recommended by surgeon) - every 6 hours as needed
Day 1-3 (day 1 being the day of surgery)

• Feeling pretty good, started reading about others' experiences and realised I was doing pretty well and wasn't feeling a lot of pain like other people reported, was eating well and sleeping well
• On day 3, I had acupuncture to help speed up recovery
• Not much happening, chilling in bed/the couch watching a lot of TV, eating vegan ice cream (they say its best to avoid dairy after the surgery as it creates mucus but I try to avoid dairy anyway so this was easy... BEN AND JERRY'S NON DAIRY ICE CREAM IS GREAT.
• I started taking the anti-inflammatory and the panadol for pain management. I didn't feel much pain yet so I didn't start taking the Tapentadol until the night of day 2/morning of day 3 when the pain started slowly creeping in
• Day 3 in the morning I woke up extremely nauseous and threw up due to the Tapentadol, vomiting and nausea is a common side effect of this. I don't cope well with feeling sick so this was enough to make me stop taking the Tapentadol for the time being until I REALLY needed it.
• I was lulled into a false sense of security that maybe I was going to have a super easy recovery and that I wasn't going to feel much pain. I definitely felt quite uncomfortable and talking didn't feel great. I got soft ice packs for my neck WHICH WERE AMAZING. and I got a head band/velcro thing so i could strap the ice packs to my neck and walk around. Honestly, this provided the most pain relief even more than any of my medication prescribed. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!
• Had to sleep propped up on like 2-3 pillows.

Day 4-7

• Pain kicks in, life sucks.
• Scabs started falling off, leaving open wounds so eating, drinking and living became painful and super uncomfortable.
• I had to use the ice packs SO often (you aren't supposed to use them for more than an hour at a time or something but I would fall asleep with them on as it was the only thing relieving me of the pain.
• Needless to say I ended up calling my friend who was a nurse who got me some anti-nausea tablets so I could actually take my tapentadol without vomitting. I then realised if I ate a big big meal before I took the tapentadol, I wouldn't vomit. So I took the anti-nausea tablets during the night (at this stage I would wake up every 4 hours during the night to take my pain meds otherwise it was BAD).
• It was also at this time that sleeping became really hard. I practically had insomnia, my body did not want to stay asleep. The only comfortable position was laying on my back, which resulted in me sleeping with my mouth wide open. I would wake up with the driest throat and the scabs/wounds in my mouth would crack. This was probably one of the lowest points.
• I BOUGHT A HUMIDIFER and it changed the game. Made sleeping easier and kept my mouth moist.
• Lots of people recommended chewing gum, but it was uncomfortable for me up until about day 9-10 so... if you can chew gum, definetley do it so it keeps the mouth moist - that's how you heal quicker.
• Felt like I was never going to get better and I was going to feel this way for the rest of my life (so dramatic) but if that's how you feel right now I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER. We got this, only a few more days until you will feeel better.

DAY 7

• I slept for about 3/4 hours between 3am - 7am and randomly woke up and was in NO PAIN AT ALL. Hallelujah!!!! I stopped taking ALL OF THE PAIN MEDS as I no longer felt I needed them.
• Felt pretty good other than being tired still. Since I couldn't sleep I spent most nights watching youtube videos - I watched every 'tonsillectomy recovery' vlog there is on youtube lol.
• The day was going well, until I suddenly tasted blood. I went to the sink and spat out what looked like some dark old blood. I didn't panic because the surgeon did say that small bleeds can happen (and super serious bleeding) to about 10% of people who go through a tonsillectomy. Guess who was a part of that 10%?
• At lunch time I started bleeding again, this time a bit more. So I rung the surgery to let them know. They said best to come in and have the surgeon check it out. My partner drove me down, and on the way I was still bleeding. I started to panic (and also hadn't had a decent sleep in days so was over emotional).
• Surgeon prescribed me Tranexamic acid and this is a medicine that controls bleeding. It helps your blood to clot. Twice a day for 5 days, if any bleeding started again after the 5 days, he said i should take it for a further 5 days.
• Had one more small amount of bleeding that evening (you will see the pic of the blood clotting below - yuck sorry!)
• Surgeon advised I should stay on a very soft food diet for the next 5 days to avoid any rough food pulling off any scabs prematurely. My bleed was likely caused by a wound cracking during the night.

Day 8-9

• Started to go outside again for small walks, started to feel more like myself.
• Got tired super easily, so still spending a lot of time resting.
• Started sleeping on my side again which was wayyy more comfortable

Day 10

• Went to a comedy show in the city, was supppperrr tired after that as it was the first proper outing and first time i'd gotten dressed up/put make up on since the surgery. Felt good to be out in society again though
• Voice still sounded a little funny
• Overall a good day

Day 11 - Day 13

• Felt 90% back to normal! Again, just would get tired easily but not surprising as I wasn't back to a regular diet

Day 16

• I felt fully back to normal!!! Yay!!!

TODAY (5 WEEKS POST OP)

• I feel great
• Better sleep quality
• My voice sounds different! My friends and family say I sound less nasally, it's not too too different but enough that they made the distinction.
• MY SNORING STOPPED - fuck yeah!!!
• I can breathe so much better through my nose - I was mouth breathing a lot prior to the surgery which can have bad health effects so i'm very happy about this. I never knew how much the tonsils were blocking my airways!
• I haven't gotten a cold or a sore throat post surgery - all my housemates AND partner got a cold and I somehow didn't get it? Pre surgery I would catch every cold/bug that someone would have in my house.
• Few more good things have happened but I'm having a mental blank - feel free to post any questions below and I'll answer them all.

​
Overall, I had a relatively positive experience. It did SUCK and the bleed was scary, but it was worth it. Would I do it again? Yes - but it did come with a few mentally tough days. You can totally get through it though. It probably doesn't help watching 'TONSILLECTOMY GONE WRONG' or when you see articles about people having horrible experiences, so please don't read them if you can :)
​
I am happy to answechat to anyone going through this because i KNOW HOW SHIT IT IS but you're gonna feel great soon.
​
posting pics in comments below

Hello again everyone! The potato is back with another semi satisfying story about Linkbeard getting his ass kicked both in and out of game. So, full disclosure, I did get permission from Akira to talk about this because this part of the story revolves around him. On a side note, hi Akira. I know you are reading/listening to this, and yes I know my spelling still sucks. Go fuck yourself :P
Akira has early onset schizophrenia. It runs in his family on his mum’s side. From what he has said, it’s mostly audio and rather mild when he’s on his medication. So yeah, he does hear voices in his head. I’m no expert on the matter and I can only go off of what he’s told me. He doesn’t hear voices that tell him to kill or anything like that. It’s apparently like a quiet white noise in the background when on his meds. When not, it ranges from whispering to shouting. He has said that it is hard to avoid what some of the voices say, but it’s usually pretty tame stuff like “take another jellybean” and stuff like that.
At the time of this part of the story, Akira was either having his medication adjusted or he was being put on different ones. So he wasn’t 100% there, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t gone through before.
When I got to DM’s place for the next session, Akira was already there on the couch. He looked like he was kind of high or something. I asked him what was up and he explained to me he has early onset schizophrenia and his doctor changed up his meds a little so he’s probably not going to be fully there tonight.
After learning this, I only had one question on my mind. “How the hell are you getting home tonight?”
“My boyfriend’s picking me up.” Said Akira in a really weird and flat tone. Very different from his usual excitable self. “I probably won’t be much fun to play D&D with for a few weeks, but I’ll try my best.”
“Hey, don’t push yourself. Like, I’ve never been fucked up because of that kind of medication, but when I had my gall bladder removed I was really fucked up on endone for a few weeks after. It was pretty bad.”
Akira made a strange noise, kind of like a dry chuckle, but he didn’t smile. It was kind of unsettling, but hey, whatever. I myself am no stranger to mental illnesses and their weird happenings on the human body. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was younger and some of the medication I was on at the time, though it didn’t have much of a negative affect on me, could have turned me into a drooling mess among other things.
Anyway, the others showed up and Akira pretty much told them he just wasn’t feeling too well today. I don’t know if he was just tired of explaining why he was acting so differently, or if he was unsure of how they would react to his mental illness. The media at large hasn’t been very kind to people with mental illnesses. Especially those with DID and schizophrenia.
I think the main reason he opened up to me about that might have been because I have insomnia. Like, sometimes I stay up for 48 hours kind of insomnia. When that happens I tend to experience mild hallucinations. Mostly seeing insects out of the corner of my eye. Shit like that.
So we get started and apparently Linkbeard was in a bad mood too that day. Some bullshit about his boss being a bitch or something? From what I could gather from his rantings, Linkbeard works in either a games shop or an appliance shop. Maybe a JB Hi-Fi? Point being, he was in a shitty mood. But Linkbeard had a drive, and was determined to find the Master sword.
“Why do we even need to find the Master sword?” Asked Ludo. “None of us are Link, so we can’t wield it. Even if we could pick it up and swing it around, we won’t be able to use it the way it was meant to.”
“Well maybe not a Zora.” Said Linkbeard. “But someone courageous and pure of heart would be able to.”
“So, we’re all fucked?” I asked. “My character’s a passive aggressive misandrist, Nina is stubborn, Ludo thinks poorly of anyone with low intelligence, Akira is mistrusting, Ori is an unstoppable monster when provoked, and Linkbeard… Your character is egotistical.”
“My character is not egotistical!”
“Kind of is.” Said Ludo. “Anyway, Potato is right. None of our characters are pure of heart enough for the goddess Hylia to let us wield the Master sword. She probably won’t even let any of us pick it up. If anything she would probably smite us…”
“Would any of us be able to survive a smiting?” Asked Ori.
DM just shrugged. “Depends on how much you piss off Hylia and how I roll the dice.”
“Like I would piss off Hylia.” Said Linkbeard. “I pretty much worship her completely. Are we going to find a shrine to Hylia anytime soon?”
“There’s one closer to Castle town. You know, the temple of time.” Said DM. “But you kind of walked right past it to go on your mission. You could probably visit it if you happen to go past Castle town again.”
The game progressed and we picked up information about the Kokiri forest, aka, the Lost woods (where the Master sword is generally located). It wasn’t too far from where we were and Linkbeard practically dragged all of us to the Lost woods. He basically explained his reasoning for going there as follows;
“The Lost woods is one of the safest places in Hyrule, so the Queen should be there. If not her, then we can ask the Great Deku Tree for advice. He’s really smart, and if he can’t figure out where the Queen is then no one can.”
Unfortunately, Linkbeard was right. The Great Deku Tree was very knowledgeable and if it had anything to do with Hylia then he would probably know. Plus I kind of wanted to see if DM would let me climb the Great Deku Tree. There could have been goodies up there.
So we get to the ominous entrance to the forest, only to find a caravan where some people were freaking the fuck out. Two Hylian women, a toddler, and an older man. They were a group of merchants that were traveling West towards Rito territory when they stopped for the night and in the morning, one of the children was gone. The toddler told the adults that the little boy walked off into the Lost woods following a firefly, but never came back.
Now in Legend of Zelda, getting lost in the Lost woods is very, very bad. This is because, as stated before, the Lost woods is where the Master sword is located and therefore there is a lot of magical protection. If a child gets lost in the woods they turn into a creature known as a Skull Kid. They are kind of chaotic little shits, but aren’t malicious (barring the events of Majora’s Mask). Either way, the boy lost in the woods will turn into a Skull Kid unless we find them and bring them back to their family.
Now as to anyone who wonders why one of the adults didn’t go into the woods to find their child because only children turn into Skull Kids, well… if an adult gets lost in the Lost woods, they turn into a Stalfos. They are these big undead skeletons with swords who attack living things. DM changed them around a little so that the Stalfos are pretty much guardians of the Lost woods that are there to stop people from trying to get the Master sword.
They didn’t have much in the way to offer a reward for us but a few rupees. We still accepted. Though Linkbeard was kind of annoyed that this would stop us from getting to the Master sword faster.
We decided to have a buddy system based on skills while in the forest. To make sure that we wouldn’t stray too far from the main group and hopefully none of us would get turned into a Stalfos. I was paired with Ludo, Nina with Ori, and Akira was with Linkbeard.
Things were alright for the most part. Before we left Ludo talked with the boy’s father and we gathered some basic information about what he looked like, name, and all that good stuff. If I remember correctly, we were basically looking for a feral gremlin of a child of around 5-6 years of age. His most distinguishing features was that he was blond and had a necklace with a big blue shell pendant.
Linkbeard grumbled the whole time that we should just head towards the center of the forest to find the Master sword. “The kid is probably a Skull Kid by now anyway.” He would grumble. “No point.”
Akira, still not 100% himself, shot back at him in that off putting monotone. “Then why the fuck are you playing if all you’re going to do it bitch and complain for no fucking reason.” Everyone was kind of surprised because Akira didn’t usually say anything close to that. He didn’t usually swear either.
Nina quickly changed the conversation and tried to get us back on track looking for the lost child. Which kind of worked, but people were kind of unsure of what to do with Akira. We hadn’t dealt with a disgruntled Akira before, but everyone had a bad day once in a while, so we did our best not to rock the boat too much. Apart from Linkbeard because he is kind of an asshole.
So we eventually found the kid hanging out with a random flute playing Skull Kid. Linkbeard wanted to kill the Skull Kid so we could just grab the kid and go, but Nina and Ludo wanted to talk to the Skull Kid first. They were pretty far away from us and the Skull Kid could grab the boy and run.
Ludo approached the Skull Kid and attempted to make conversation with the Skull Kid. He tried to either lure the kid over to us with some candy or bribe the Skull Kid to go away with the same candy. It was going pretty well too… Until Linkbeard got tired of waiting and shot the Skull Kid.
The Skull Kid freaked out and ran away, but Nina and I were able to get to the kid and calm him down while everyone else yelled at Linkbeard for being an impatient dickhead.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Asked Ludo. “My plan was working! We could have actually gotten the kid without shooting at the Skull Kid! The Skull Kid could have shown us to the Deku Tree!”
“It was taking too long.” Complained Linkbeard. “We’re probably almost there anyway. Right DM? … DM?”
DM was behind his screen… rolling dice. A lot of dice. When he was done rolling he sighed kind of sadly and shook his head. “As the Skull Kid’s screams of shock and fear ring out through the Lost woods it alerts the nearby Stalfos who, until recently, and have been laying peacefully as piles of bone, rise up and walk to you. Roll for initiative.”
So because of this chuckle fuck we had to fight four Stalfos, and a Stalnox. A Stalnox is basically a the stalfos version of a cyclops. So pretty much a mini boss. I was screaming, they were screaming, everyone was screaming. Mostly at Linkbeard not understanding that actions have consequences. He had done a few things like this previously, but the consequences have mostly been us getting less reward money or some people treating the party with a bit of disdain. This was the first time we got our asses kicked, and oh boy did they get kicked.
By the end of the fight, Nina had been downed once, Ori and I were on like 10 HP each, Ludo had the most HP because he ran around everyone while shooting spells. Linkbeard was hurt pretty badly, but he took one of his health potions so he was back to full HP. Akira himself was down to 1 HP.
Nina couldn’t find any plants to make health potions, so Akira looked over at Linkbeard and asked him for help. “Mind giving me a health potion Linkbeard?”
“What? No. Those are mine.” Said Linkbeard. “If you wanted health potions you should have bought some.”
“What? Dude. Come on. You have like 10 potions. Just give me one and I’ll pay you back later.”
“No way. Get your own.”
“This is a team game. You can’t just hoard all the items like some selfish dragon.”
“I’m not being selfish. I’m just better at managing my resources.”
Nina and Ludo calmed the situation and with some bumbling we actually did manage to find the Great Deku Tree and the Koroks. These are tiny little wooden people that wear leaf masks and wave branches around. They are creatures that are watched over by the Deku Tree. They are very child-like in the way they talk and act, and are over all very cute.
The session was running a little late and so DM cut it there with us in the Korok village. Akira was still annoyed that Linkbeard didn’t give him a health potion, so he went outside to wait for his boyfriend to pick him up.
Linkbeard grumbled his grievances about Akira getting angry at him for not sharing his potions. Unfortunately for him, everyone was against him. We reminded him that D&D is a group game where we all win when we work together. If we have the resources to help each other we should. This was also a lawfully good campaign. We weren’t trying to dick each other over. Ori even pointed out that Linkbeard was aiming to be a royal guard and if people found out he backstabbed people in a group that was tasked with finding the Queen, he might not be welcome back into the castle. Even if they did, he wasn’t going to be allowed to be a royal guard, ever.
“Screw you guys.” Whined Linkbeard. “You just don’t know how these games are meant to be played! None of you have ever played a real tabletop game!” He then stormed out.
We all kind of shook our heads at that. We chalked it up to Akira just not having a good day and his emotions rubbed off on Linkbeard and made him more insufferable than usual. We were just going to have to write this day off and continue on.
Then we started to hear angry voices from the front of DM’s house. We were all kind of confused and wondered if Akira and Linkbeard were going to fight. For some reason the “Cripple Fight” scene from South Park seemed to play in my head because neither of these guys were very physically fit. So we all went outside to see what was going on.
We went outside just in time to see Akira punching Linkbeard right in the face. Akira isn’t the strongest so Linkbeard didn’t go down, but Linkbeard did end up with a pretty big bruise on his face. They were shouting and swearing at each other for a bit before Akira walked off to the other side of the garden and kind of crouched down by the fence, muttering to himself.
Linkbeard wanted to have a go at him, but DM quickly got between them and told Linkbeard to back the fuck up and give Akira time to calm down. I’m guessing Akira was having a break from reality of some kind. Which was clearly not good.
Nina sat next to Akira and very gently talked to him, trying to get him to calm down. Thankfully or not so thankfully, DM lived in a questionable part of town, like we were pretty sure there was a crack house the next street over, so it was unlikely the cops were going to get called, so there was plenty of time for Akira to come back to reality.
While this was going on Ludo and I were looking up how best to help someone experiencing a break from reality. Meanwhile Ori was in between stopping Linkbeard from having a go at Akira, and making sure Nina was okay and not about to get attacked by Akira. It was a right royal mess.
About five minutes into this shit show, Akira’s boyfriend turned up. Let’s call him Zac because he looks like a less muscular Zac Efron circa his highschool musical days. As soon as he pulled up he went over to DM, explained who he was and asked what was happening. DM explained that something happened when we were inside and Akira was having a psychotic episode.
Zac was pretty understanding and said this happens once in a while. Usually when his meds are changed or the dosage is lowered dramatically. So he went over to Akira and sent Nina on her way. After about ten minutes of them talking quietly to each other, Akira was back enough to apologize for punching Linkbeard out of the blue like that.
“Sorry man.” Said Akira sheepishly. “I honestly thought you said something really fucked up. I admit I probably got a little paranoid and um… Yeah. I kind of realized after I punched you that maybe things weren’t really happening the way I thought it was. Sorry.”
Linkbeard looked pissed off, but he had enough social awareness to realize that everyone was more on Akira’s side than his, decided to play it off. “Whatever. But if you punch me again I’ll kick your ass.”
Akira just shrugged. “Yeah, fair enough.”
Zac introduced himself to us all now that everything had calmed down properly. “Sorry we had to meet like this, but maybe next time it’ll be less stressful? Anyway, we should probably stop by the hospital… Call Akira’s psychiatrist?”
We all wished Akira good luck and Zac drove off with him. We were all really shocked at what happened. Linkbeard was muttering some rather hateful things under his breath about “nut cases” and “psychos”. We could all understand him wanting to vent after getting punched at the face out of nowhere. Like, it wasn’t Akira’s fault that he punched Linkbeard and it probably wasn’t Linkbeard’s fault that Akira punched him.
I later asked Akira what exactly Linkbeard did or said that made him want to attack him, or if he heard a voice in his head that made him attack Linkbeard. Akira honestly doesn’t remember. He was pretty sure that Linkbeard probably didn’t say anything. He probably just coughed. But with how he was acting before, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Akira actually did hear him say something and his schizophrenia prompted him to punch Linkbeard.

Ok, I’m praying a miracle happens in 2 hours! My usual doctor is on leave, and is leaving the practice, which means I have no find another doctor.
Temporarily, I saw my old doctor for 4 weeks supply of my 15mg OxyContin medication. I also convinced them to prescribe me 10 Endone (5mg immediate release oxycodone). Usually you get 20, but they chose 10, because in their words, I was on OxyContin and didn’t need Endone. I tried explaining the difference between the regular meds we take, and breakthrough pain meds. Which are immediate release painkillers.
My pharmacist told me that my doctor didn’t exactly prescribe me a lot, and that I’d need to get more after 5 days. That was on Thursday last week. So I make an appointment with them, and say “you only gave me 5 days of pain meds”. They said that I should still have 2 tablets leftover yesterday. I said that I did, but that it’s not enough.
They said that they don’t feel comfortable prescribing Endone, and would prescribe Panadeine Forte (20 tablets with 30mg codeine and 500mg acetaminophen). Obviously I accepted them, but as expected, they were useless.
My old doctor said that if I want Endone, see my old doctor (who’s still away this week) or see another doctor. So I looked at who was available today, and I chose another doctor. About 30 minutes ago, the receptionist asked what my appointment with this doctor is about? I said I have really bad back pain, and I need Endone. They said that that doctor doesn’t prescribe Endone.
Is that even ethical? Suppose I want a plan B pill? Are doctors allowed to deny that medication to me? I know I’m after a narcotic, but the point still stands. It seems completely arbitrary for a doctor to deny one of the WHO’s Essential Medicibes. Based on a prejudice.
The receptionist is lovely and totally understanding. So they made an appointment for me to see a horrible doctor I ran away from, after he constantly ridiculed me. But I need the pain relief. Hopefully he just gives me the 20 Endone. Then I’ll put 10 away for an emergency. Then use the other 10 very sparingly. These tablets work so well, I can go from an 8/10 pain to a 3/10 pain.
My lovely doctor of 4 years is leaving to work at a university institution. I’m going to miss her so much. There is one doctor that I have left up my sleeve. My mum recommended him. I’m going to interview him next week, to see if he can help me with my complex list of needs. But after a 15 years of stomach problems, and several doctors having no idea what I had. He referred me to a gastroenterologist, who did an endoscopy and gastric emptying study to diagnose me with Gastroparesis! Before that, I was going insane, with doctors telling me that I was normal (despite being a 13 year old teenager who weighed 29kg, had ribs showing, was always nauseous, constantly had acid reflux). They put it down to psychological issues, and I suffered for 15 years! More than half my life!
My old GP, who wouldn’t prescribe Endone. Sat on positive tests for cervical cancer in my mum for 4 years! My mum feels too afraid to leave her, even though her GP committed medical malpractice. My mum is lucky her cervical cancer didn’t metastasise and kill her. But she did need a total hysterectomy. Then my mum had abdominal problems such as vomiting after eating (sometimes blood), abdominal pain, blood in her stools, etc. Her GP had results that mum had Crohn’s Disease and Gallstones. She didn’t tell my mum. My mum found out through a specialist, who was furious. They now need to do a resection of my mum’s bowel, as there’s inflamed tissue that’s causing a painful blockage.
I’m beginning my mum to find a new GP, as her current GP is running on autopilot and has nearly killed my mum a few times. I left this GP in late 2017, when she decided to reduce my Targin 15/7.5 from once every 12 hours, to once a day. This was just before she left to go on a 3 week holiday in Italy and 1 week before my exams. Which would’ve been great! A 50% taper leading to withdrawals and flunking my exams.
In medical school, they should make it very clear “if you are squeamish about prescribing narcotics, choose a different course”. Because how many cancer patients who are terminal, have to go through agony, because the doctor who’s supposed to make their lives comfortable, worry they’ll become addicted to OxyContin or a Fentanyl Patch? I tell you what? I’m glad my grandpa had terminal cancer in 1997, when doctors were actually compassionate. Now cancer patients probably struggle to get a Panadeine Forte prescription. I’ve seen a cancer patient be reduced to tears by a pharmacist. A few days ago, I heard of a patient with terminal lung cancer that the pharmacy they’ve gotten their morphine from, for 8 years, has run out. That they’re SOL!
First they came for addicts, and we didn’t care, because we weren’t addicts.
Then they came for us, but cancer patients thought they’d be protected from all this nonsense.
Now they’re coming for cancer patients.
A cancer patient doesn’t just have to suffer the toll of chemo, radiation and knowing that they’re going to die. They may also have to experience withdrawals. Which are extremely severe, if they’re on a fentanyl patch.
Why? Because their pharmacy may suck at keeping track of inventory. The government is requiring pharmacies to stock less and less narcotics.
But addicts get daily access to Suboxone or Methadone. It’s very rare for them to go without that!
Oh, and in Canada. There’s vending machines that dispense Dilaudid pills that can be crushed and injected. Oh, and they have Kapanol. Long-acting morphine that lasts 24 hours.
Australia is doing research to consider implementing that. If they bring it here, I’ll go off my OxyContin and go on Kapanol. Why? Firstly, they’ll keep you on a dose that’s comfortable. Secondly, they won’t wean you off it, unless you say you want to come off it. Whereas with my OxyContin, it has been a constant battle, where they wean you down. You say that you’re in agony. They say that you need to pay $400 to see a pain specialist who’ll ok it. The pain specialist says you’re on such a low dose, it poses virtually no risk. But they will not recommend increasing your dose to what you should be on. Instead they’ll talk about how for just $600 per day for 9 days, you can get a magnesium infusion. Or if you’re feeling luxurious. You can pay $900 per day for 9 days, for a Ketamine Infusion.
Then they realise you’re poor, and say “why don’t you use the public pain clinics?”. Sure, they’ll take you off your meds. But you’ll exercise, practice mindfulness and be told that even Panadol is bad for your chronic pain. That you have a low pain threshold, and your chronic pain is purely psychological.
So that’s the two-tiered system of treating pain in Australia. If you’re rich, you get advanced scans. The latest therapies. Surgery. Proper pain management. Etc. If you’re poor, it’s all psychological and you must be a drug seeker.

This is another long rambling update to a long rambling solo game I've been playing of Old School Essentials. I've been using the Player Emulator, MUNE, and many other supplements and source books including Tome of Adventure Design, UNE, d30 Sandbox Companion, and basically a grocery list of modules I've all thrown together and put on blend. If you'd like to see the first post it can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/Solo_Roleplaying/comments/m1lotw/oh_well_guess_were_in_yoonsuin/
​
So far they've been through parts of the following modules:

• Keep on the Borderlands
• Hole in the Oak
• A Wizard
• Magical Industrial Revolution
• Stonehell Dungeon
• The Gardens of Ynn
• And at the end of the last post, Yoon-Suin: The Purple Lands

​
Part One - Welcome to the Topaz City
(One correction to the last post, the animate statue lion couldn't follow them on the underground canal they found in Ynn so that big thing stayed back in the gardens)
The party at this point consists of Lady Wynda, a Paladin with an insatiable love of carbs, Jag, a one eyed Thief with a deadly sidhe blade he picked up from Ynn named "Final Death", Zarazala, a kindly Cleric with one hand dripping goo and a history of opium use, and Scalius, a gambling Magic User with one hand twisted into a furry claw. One follower survived the voyage in Ynn, the brave Alder who is now a 3rd level Fighter in his own right. When we last left our heroes they had just piled up 12,500 silver pieces (I use the silver standard) worth of rare otherdimensional sidhe wine, in huge barrels and stacks of bottles, ancient and potent. The party had just split a few bottles amongst themselves and the effects were legitimately magical.
They piled all their otherworldly loot up in what seemed to be a garden in the Prime Material plane, decorated with classical marble statues of slug men. Just as they are finishing the job and closing the magical door to Ynn behind them, they are surrounded by guards in togas, gold and jewels, attendants to a very slimy but very wealthy and powerful slug man named Malaba. This is his garden, in his mansion, and he wants very much to know who these foreign humans are and what they are doing with this wine (and silver, and big paintings, and other various loot). It takes a bit to settle out a shared language. You see, this is the Topaz City, on the other side of the Sapphire Sea, some 2000 miles from where they went into Ynn. People here speak a different Common Tongue called Purple Common and it takes a while before Scalius' Draconic becomes the shared language between them.
What follows is some tense negotiation. Scalius doesn't have the best Charisma (8) but he does have the intimidating looking Wynda, Jag and Alder behind him. He makes a deal that he will not only split the loot they have recovered from another world, he will share with the slug man the secrets of accessing this realm if he wished to finance explorations into it himself. The slug man examines the goods and the magic door. He is a teacher at a prestigious university and the paintings of sidhe and the wine are all legitimate and he can verify it. He argues them to a 50/50 cut with him of the sale of these goods, since in the Topaz City only slug men have any property rights. They agree.
At this point Malaba is pretty friendly to them and lets them stay in his opulant mansion while they oversee the sales of their rare goods. It seems the slug man is deeply in debt with a club-fighting troupe and wants to hide this from his family; a sudden windfall from literally nowhere like this is just what he needed. He mentions the gang are bad people to the heroes as well, but roughing up gangsters isn't really their bag.
Right now there plan consists of

• -make the trade with Malaba
• -celebrate, drink, get to know The Yellow City
• -drop off some gold at a Lawful temple
• -charter or purchase a ship back to Endon
• -buy some things
• -get some hirelings
• -look for some work
• -sail back to Endon

They buy a ship, charter a captain, a navigator and some crew. It will take a week for everything to be set up, so they intend to carouse and perhaps adventure will find them. After buying the ship however it's clear they will need more money for supplies and to pay the crew so they keep an ear out for any opportunities.
Unable to speak to most people here they ask Malaba if he knew anyone fluent in Silver Common (the language they speak over on their continent of Argentum), and he sets them up with his nephew Poleba. Poleba is a young scholar and he wants to see the world, so he's studied languages from far and wide including Silver Common. He also comes with a Crab-Man slave of his. They sign a bit of a non-standard hireling contract and agree to join the party, with all the money the crab-man Klk makes going to his master Poleba.
(Note: Yoon Suin has no class statted out for Slug Men. I just make them exactly the same as Elves)
So with Poleba guiding them, they buy supplies and hit up the town. Wynda finds a Lawful temple to donate her tithe of her share to and meets the friendly Shrine of Chandra, the Hydrangea God of Rivers, Weather and Sex. They buy some overpriced healing potions and Wynda gets a magic tattoo. Then they go drinking! Scalius hears some people from Endon are building teleport platforms here, but the people of the Topaz City are suspicious. Jag falls in love with a certain type of Yoon-Suini wine and buys a crate of it to bring back with him. Wynda eats so many pies they name a new special pie after the fat Paladin and name it "The Lady Wynda". Zarazala, afraid of all the really prominent opium dens in the Topaz City, just stays at the Shrine of Chandra and prays. She is approached by an explorer's guild on her way back to Malaba's mansion and given his card.
The next day they are hung over, Wynda's eating a huge breakfast at Malaba's expense, and they're discussing what to do for a little extra gold. They've heard from the Shrine about a money-worshiping cult that Jag wants to rob. Malaba wants them to shut down a baton-fighting troupe but it's legal and they figure the slug man can deal with his own debts. They hear about a witch in the islands and they hear about the ruined Old City at the edges of town, popular among adventurers. Well, we're adventurers they say, so they pack up bright and early and head out to Old Town.
​
Part Two: The Manse of Mahalaqa
The Old City is a bit out of town, and they stock up and hoof it. With exceedingly lucky rolls they pretty much immediately stumble upon a habited ruin. Yoon-Suin has some vague descriptions and monster-lists to help kickstart a dungeon exploration adventure but this was really the first time I had to take things, make my own map, make my own random encounter table, and count on MUNE to help me through.
So they find an old ruined manse, the home of a holy man of long ago, cracked and crumbling and covered in vines. It seems there are signs of recent habitation and a fire burned in the open courtyard. They try a door leading inside and find ... a trio of explorers. With Poleba as translator these explorers say they were here first but are willing to work together. Still remembering their betrayal at the hands of the so-called Friendly Priest they decide to decline. The explorers, who are really evil spirits called Pischaca grumble and head out the door deeper into the Manse. When the heroes try and follow the door is locked behind them. Yanking on it breakts it and causes a mild collapse of the stone roof, smashing into Jag and Wynda a bit.
They follow the path the explorers took, finding a room filled with dusty old boxes. Zarazala finds an ornate shield she just knows is magic. Unfortunately she doesn't know it is a cursed Shield -2 (and she has yet to figure it out).
In the next room the pischaca have set up a scene where several "priests" have taken the "explorers" they saw recently hostage. They bark about slaughtering these innocents if the heroes don't throw down their weapons, but the adventurers still don't understand Purple Common. Before Poleba can translate Scalius knocks the whole lot of them to sleep. On killing one, it reverts into a twisted black monster with glowing red eyes even in death. They kill the lot of them.
They hear cries for help in the next room. This encounter was mutli-leveled and the big boss of the Manse, a horrible Greater Rahkosh named Mahalaqa with special Charm powers was waiting for them, disguised as a slave chained to a wall, a pet Yali (a flying monster with the body of a giant cat and the tusks of a lion) serving as a decoy "boss". The heroes very quickly kill the Yali with Final Death however, and Malaqa's attempt to Charm Jag fails. He reveals himself for the monster he is and shrouds the room in darkness. The heroes retreat, but only Poleba's darkvision can spy the monster dash into his harem room and dissapear. Working up their courage they dash through the darkness and find a bout a dozen slaves of both genders in revealing clothes and draped in gold and rubies. One of them is Mahalaqa in disguise, but he has created an illusory double of himself he attacks them with.
The illusion doesn't last long, and Scalius casts ESP for the first time. Before the monster can unleash a second attack it fails to Charm Zarazala and the wizard points out which slave is the imposter. They go for a savage beating with the crab man Klk really pulling his weight. Eventually all three heads of the rahkosh are severed and the beast explodes in a fountain of blood. The charmed slaves are freed and the gold and gems the demon had hoarded were gathered and sold (this time with Poleba as middle man instead of his greedy uncle Malaba).
From this adventure and the loot everyone leveled and they had more than enough to pay for the trip back home. But they had a few days left in the Topaz City.
​
Part Three: I'm a thief, not an assassin
The last few days are spent drinking and carousing. Scalius learns a Yoon Suini card game that ups his terrible Charisma. Wynda gets a portrait made of her and begins to realize she might have a problem with the Wynda-pies when she sees it. Zarazala stays out of the hijinx again. But Jag ... Jag has a whole side story to himself.
He gets into a fight with a slug man noble who makes it clear he believes humans are garbage and shouldn't even be allowed in the Topaz City. This stirs up a lot of trauma for Jag, because apparently as a boy he was a slave to a slug man who lived in Endon. Seeing how callously the people of this city treat humans brought up a lot of feelings and by the next day Jag has decided he's gonna murder the slug man before they leave.
Wynda and Zarazala are Lawful, but Scalius is Neutral and has a lot of spells useful for an assassination, so he confronts him. The magic user listens to Jag's tale of abuse and hatred for slug men he's kept a secret his whole life until now. So Scalius agrees. They try to intimidate a friend of the slug he wants to murder, named Ui Yi, and use ESP to pluck from his friend's mind where he will be that night; a fancy opera. So they buy tickets and they plan to kill him in his private balcony.
They bribe the guards protecting the upper balconies with plantinum. It's a lot, but the guard takes it and then immediately reports them and comes with more guards. Jag tries to sneak up on Ui Yi and kill him John Wilkes Booth style while he's watching a slug-man opera, but fails his Move Silently check. Before Ui Yi's crab man bodyguard can claw the thief in half, Scalius casts Sleep and knocks out both slug and crab man.
Standing over the sleeping Ui Yi, Jag has a change of heart. He wanted to see the look of fear in this guy's eyestalks and now that he's helpless it wouldn't make him feel any better. So he carves "you were saved by a human" in the guy's chest and decides not to become a murderer. Of course then they walk right into a pile of guards.
Scalius casts invisibility and disappears. Jag makes a dramatic leap off the balcony, swings on a chandelier over the audience, and lands on the other side to make a getaway. The boys meet up at Malaba's mansion later when the girls come back from visiting the temple district. They never tell them what happened.
For their part, Zarazala and Wynda had something happen at the temple district. An old seer lady shouted at Wynda that her ring would bring doom to the Purple Lands if she did not leave, and doom to her if she didn't throw it over the sea. Wynda decides to continue ignoring these obvious omens and just keep trucking!
On the last night of carousing Jag gets an iced cream flavour named after him (meaning you can now have Wynda Pie and Jag Ice Cream in the Topaz City), Wynda loses an HP from drinking waaaay too much (the old woman's prophecy is coming true!) and Scalius, much like in Endon, pisses off a prominent merchant family, this time cooks instead of tailors, and is very eager to leave the next day.
They get a captain named Ga Gan who is covered in tattoos. Their navigator, named Ni Lan, wears fancy Topaz City fashion but it's ragged and threadbare. They estimate the voyage should take 22 days so they purchase 44 days worth of supplies just in case. With Poleba and Klk with them who have never left Yoon-Suin they wave goodbye to the Purple Lands and head out to the Sapphire Sea.
​
Next time, a month at sea, Dragon Turtles, Merman murderers, buried pirate treasure, dinosaur racing and Castle Gargantua. See you next time!

So I have three solo games I trade between as interest strikes. Keeps things from getting boring. I've had a few D&D games that quickly suffered TPKs (I play Old School Essentials which is pretty rough). This one lasted a while now and with their last successful adventure I thought I'd list their accomplishments.
*Started off with a Bard, a Paladin, a Magic User and a Cleric. I string together modules in a basic hex map and leave a lot of the work to random rolls and the player emulator. They start off in basically the Keep on the Borderlands.
First adventure was *The Hole in the Oak where they went in looking to steel lizard gold, ended up stealing tuatara lizard eggs. They also found a ring that made the paladin tougher but addicted to bread and beer, leading to some bad choices and an expanding waist line. The magic user also had his hand twisted into a furry claw after sticking it into a hole and pulling out a curvy dagger. After ghouls ate one of their henchmen and gnomes told them to leave they took their eggs and split.
*Nobody in the Keep wanted the eggs so they head to the capital city Endon to sell them. Along the way they are accosted by bandits, who they nuke with a sleep spell and leave tied up in the woods after taking the very valuable gems they had on them. More stuff to sell in Endon.
*Along the way they passed through the village of Canny, where there was a tempting wanted poster for "A Wizard", but they figured they would hit that up on the way back after kitting up in the big city.
In Endon they cash out and proceed to have several nights of carousing and debauchery. The magic user doubles his share of the silver at a gaming hall and then buys hundreds of bespoke wizard robes and hats. The bard buys a butler and apparently has so much sex they went up a point of CON (funny carousing tables in *Magical Industrial Revolution). The paladin lost half her money to prostitutes (she says she gave them charity) and the Cleric got addicted to opium (not even once kids).
*While paying and praying away her opium addiction, the church she was at had their bells stolen by mysterious thieves in the night. Since the Coppers suck at getting stolen goods back, the cleric convinces the party to find them. They go, a bunch of giant hermit crabs stole the huge church bells to use as shells and had a lair under the church cemetery. They beat them and got a big reward for returning the bells.
*Flush with scrolls and potions and a shiny magic sword of spell turning they purchased, the heroes pile up horses and carry their bounty back towards Canny. They thought they were ready to face "A Wizard". They were wrong. That module is a nightmare of body horror and no treasure. The characters started to get the feel for how weird this town was before approaching the tower which was like alive and sticky. Right after a tense climb up to the second floor that almost snapped the clerics neck when the tower tried to eat her, one of the "wizard's" apprentices ran screaming out of the shadows and barfed acid and worms all over the bard. He died instantly, they cast sleep to knock out the apprentice but his body was still convulsing from the parasites, so they kicked him over the ledge where he fell to the first floor and popped like a water balloon filled with awful. They decided to split and never come back.
After that experience the last surviving henchmen was upgraded to a Thief to replace the Bard. They got back to the Keep and decided there was no better time to hit up my replacement for the Caves of Chaos: *Stonehell**.
*The first delve was short and uneventful. They found cryptic graffiti pointing to hidden treasure on the first floor of the dungeon, had a sighting of the local animal mascot the bear "Coal" which told them they'd be lucky. They weren't. They found a magic wheel, the gambler magic user spun it and was paralysed. The noise attracted cannibal berserkers and they had to deal with it without their wizard. Two henchmen died and they had to carry the paralysed magic user out of Stonehell with nothing but a few coppers off of the cannibals' corpses.
*The second delve was more fruitful, they found a secret room with some scrolls and spellbooks in it, met some friendly dwarves, found a stairway down to the second level and braved it. In the Asylum they found several crazy people, heard voices whisper to them, found a huge pile of left boots, found a sensory deprivation chamber, avoided several giant beetles and then straight up attacked the King of the Inmates and his court (damn Sleep is a useful spell). They took all the mad King's treasure and tossed him in the sensory deprivation chamber. They had to find a different route back out due to a one way door and asked the dwarves back on level 1 for help. They fought through some orcs and passed by an evil looking door before rounding back to the exit and waving bye to their dwarf friends.
*Third delve into Stonehell took a while. Back at the Keep they hired new henchmen, and a Friendly Priest offered to join up with them to slay evil along with his small team of acolytes. This guy had a good reputation so they agreed. The Friendly Priest took them to the Quiet Halls where bunches of Stonehell's dead are interred. They fought a whole bunch of Zombies, Skeletons and a few Ghouls and got meagre grave goods in return. Eventually they find a huge chamber with dozens of undead in it and the Priest double crosses them, pushing them into the room to sacrifice them to the Lord of Bones. This fight was closer than any other and they lost all but one henchmen. The paladin bravely saved everyone's lives by distracting all the undead to attack her right after drinking a Potion of Temporary Invincibility. That let the rest of the group mop up the blasphemous heretics. They still had to fight more undead to get out of the Halls but when they did they slammed the big spooky door shut and vowed to never go back there.
*They tried to hobble out but a pack of giant centipedes blocked the exit. They tried to find a way around and ran into a work crew of kobolds. Offering gold in exchange for safe passage, the kobolds gladly escorted them to the underground market town of Kobold Korners. There they rested up, bought all the human and elf slaves they were selling and planned to get out of Stonehell. The two human slaves they bought were adventurers who got caught poking around private areas of the kobold town. They have a clue that there's an abandoned wizard lab somewhere in the kobold section of the dungeon. So they agree to look before heading out.
*They find the secret lab in the kobolds disgusting Midden. Cracking open the dusty Chambers they fight oozes, Zombies in wizard robes, Halfling skeletons and find a few strange wizard components and almost die to some magic mirrors. One henchmen was flensed by a pair of Crypt Shades in the wizard's bedchamber. Before escaping they were swarmed by giant rats, which they used a gas they had bought to make them fight each other. They also just barely got out before a horde of apprentice zombies chased them. In the end they recovered a big silver mirror, some silverware, a bunch of gems, some potions and a glowing elixer that will cure undeath.
*The elf slave they had bought desperately wants to get out of Stonehell so they agree. They head out of the kobold town, get fooled into a pit trap by a Doom Lure, find their orc slaying has been fairly permanent when they pass through their territory and it had not been restocked. They find the hidden treasure the graffiti talked about which includes a magic sword. They get back to the top and breathe a huge breath of fresh air.
once out of the dungeon the elf slave splits, one human slave had died in the secret lab he had wanted to raid, and the thief PC apparently inherited a cottage outside of the Keep. The characters restock supplies as the thief investigates the cottage and finds it has a beautiful walled garden and written instructions on how to open a magic door to the *Gardens of Ynn and explicit warnings not to. After burying a bunch of extra gold in the root cellar they blindly explore another dimension.
*Ynn was weird. Wine bottle crabs, upside down theatres, sprawling woods with glass tubes ridding it pumping blue fluids, intoxicated orchards with skyscraper steel towers. They wandered for over an hour through a misty dark woods and when they were forced to light their torches they saw a huge smiling fat man made of marble trying to eat a deer it had killed by mashing gore into its unmoving smiling face. This was frankly horrifying but the Buddha like statue ignored them and kept "eating"
*Once out of the woods they found a tower covered in rose vines and blossoms. Inside they found a few treasures, including a magic bow of hunting and a bunch of exquisite portraits. Unfortunately the rose maidens who tend this area returned and began singing as they clipped the vines. The characters snuck out of the tower and ran top speed away, essentially getting lost in Ynn. They hopped over floating islands and steam pipes suspended over the void as a giraffe-headed hummingbird-winged gecko-eagle harassed them and almost knocked them into an endless nothinh. They came across a sheer cliff where a giant praying mantis was not satisfied with the floral spider it had just eaten and charged the PCs. One of their two remaining henches was cut in half before the huge bug was put down. And then they still had to climb the cliff!
*While climbing they disturbed a giant caterpillar which paralysed the magic user (again!). He almost fell but luckily they had tied each other together and the mighty paladin held on and pulled the frozen wizard the rest of the way. At the top of a cliff was a lamppost and they camped under it even though Ynn had not gotten dark yet. During their rest they heard cries for help and found (and freed) a troupe of uplifted animal servants in cute butler and maid outfits stuck in a spider web. The heroes freed the servants. They declined any repayment and sent them on their way. The next day they raided a garden mausoleum, got an amazing sidhe Venomous Sword +2 of Undead Slaying, named Final Death. For stealing it the thief went blind in one eye. Instead of another harrowing climb over a void while monsters picked at them, they found a convenient underground canal and canoes, which they took instead.
*I can't believe what I rolled, but the canal ended at a place set up for a garden party with ten barrels and 30 bottles of sidhe wine. They also find a doorway out of Ynn, leading to some fancy garden filled with statues of slug people. They start hauling the wine out of Ynn and drink a bottle each in celebration, causing all sorts of random stat boosts and celebration.
*So here's where I left off. The characters have piled up this enormous cache of otherworldly treasure in some private garden. A Noble slug man and his crab men and human slave guards come to stop them. This is the Yellow City of Yoon-suin and this is some Slug Man's personal estate. They have a tense argument as they sort out the Common tongue between them (it's Draconic) and make a deal. Help selling these extremely valuable alien treasures and they would give the Slug Man a big cut. He argues all the way to 50% of it, especially since only Slug Men have any property rights in the Yellow City.
*So now I have to roll up some details for a bit of Yoon-suin adventure as they tally up the literal fortune they made off of traveling to Ynn. They will have to charter a boat over the Sapphire Sea to return to Endon which may take a while. I'm so excited to find out what we do in the Purple Lands.
Oh yeah, an animate lion statue followed them out of Ynn. It's like a senile kitten, curious and playful and scary strong but so far more nuisance than threat.

After January’s tepid lilt, February raged from the gates with frothing menace. As we love comparison at The Vortex I’m going to start comparing the months of 2020 to the months of 2019 and 2018 via previous Vortices.
Looking back at the 242 releases from February 2020, I’m taken aback by the range of releases that have remained at the fore of my 2020 consciousness. In brief, February saw prominent records - some highly rated across the board and some suncc into oblivion - from Sightless Pit, Fluisteraars, Dark Fortress, Kvaen, Yaldabaoth, Drown, Lanterns on the Lake, Ibex, Ihsahn, Wrekmeister Harmonies, Slift, Cult of Fire (x2), Serpent Noir, Peripheral Cortex, Godthrymm, Blaze of Perdition, Psychotic Waltz, Aevangelist, Envy, Grimes, Tombs, Today is the Day, Tame Impala, Loathe, and Kvelertak. 28 separate members rated albums in 2020, so far.
The Vortex of February 2019 (Remember, users had an extra five months to input and backdate releases from February, in fact, some of you freaks might still be inputting data into the 2019 sheet) featured 206 releases with prominent records - from highest to lowest WAVG - from Candlemass, Wounds, Saor, Zao, Drottnar, Funereal Presence, Downfall of Gaia, Soen, Traveler, Pensées Nocturnes, Hexvessel, Vanum, Violet Cold, Overkill, King Apathy, Endon, Rotting Christ, A Million Dead Birds Laughing, Dream Theater, Attila and Swashbuckle. 24 separate members rated albums in 2019.
The Vortex of February 2018 featured 280 releases with prominent records from Necrophobic, Usurpress, Golgothan Remains, Paara, Crypt Rot/Cringe, Archaist, Avslut, Golden Fang, Atomwinter, Wake, Fu Manchu, Dream Troll, Necropanther, Huntsmen, Destroyer 666, Visigoth, Horizon Ablaze, Angra, Arkheth, Rebel Wizard, Solstice, The Atlas Moth, Master’s Hammer, Justin Timberlake, Esoctrilihum, Carpenter Brut, Harakiri for the Sky, Ataraxy, Therion, Gnaw Their Tongues and We Have The Moon. Criminal inconsistency in the application of a fair and accurate rating system in 2018 has revealed a rather skewed and chaotic look to the 2018 sheet. Of note, Necrophobic was the top record of 2018 as a whole. 31 separate members rated albums in 2018.
I would choose February 2020 to remain if I was only allowed to keep one month from the last three years in my memory. Recency bias? Perhaps. There is a strong black metal spine to February 2020 which suits me more than the diverse selections of 2019 and 2018. As it stands (July 30th 2020) only Sightless Pit remains in the top 10 of 2020. Fluisteraars (12th) has been floating about for a long time and looks comfortably rooted to its peripheral status, although the strong releases scheduled for September and October look to drown it in the gullet of the sheet and I expect a place in the mid 20s may be its final resting place. Dark Fortress and Kvaen have steadily slipped down (22nd) and I expect them to rest somewhere in the late 30s to low 40s by the year’s end.
Sightless Pit’s Grave of a Dog - a collaboration between the weirdest looking members of Full of Hell/The Body/Lingua Ignota - has caused quite a stir in the mainstream. The Guardian stated that the supergroup “conjure a gloriously hellish mood,” The Quietus claimed that the band “finds a raw equilibrium amongst its different voices” and Mr. Samsa stated “it's just generic electronic junk and yelling.” A 9 from Crazyroosterman and 8s from Snyde, Cherd and Gadunka show how highly regarded the record has been. In fact, I may raise my rating to an 8 after many repeat listens in 2020. The record lingers like a pensive curse. There’s a witch-like pulse to the record that roots it to the real world; there’s none of the abstract noise-making looseness of most of The Body’s work here. Grave of a Dog takes Florence and the Machine’s annoying pixie folk-pop, grinds it in a cauldron of children’s innards and dog’s eyes, spits it through the mainstream ether and forms something distastefully tasteful. At times tender and forlorn, at other times acerbic with its industrial churnings, Grave of a Dog works as a combination of the collaborators' voices. The nine minute closer “Love is Dead, All Love is Dead” is too self indulgently pensive, though, and sullies a potentially great record.
On the opposite end of the spectrum Kvelertak’s Splid received vitriolic rates across the board. Disdain for the Norwegian blackened rockers has grown over the years. Meri described it as “uninteresting” and “bog standardm” which it was. There seems to be a vacuum at the heart of Kvelertak; their essence is trapped in a jar on the desk of a Rise Records agent. Their self-titled debut and follow-up Meir had an undeniable thrilled energy that genuinely rocked. Then the decline. Tarbeaux stated that their recent sound was “When you forgot the black metal in your black n roll“ but it seems they forgot the roll, too. A stream of 4s wasn’t enough to deter outlier Buckleyan who scored Splid a solid 7: “are they more melancholic nowadays? It's still capital-F-Fun, but listening to it feels more like partying in my 30s than in my 20s. [...] it's clear that they're stretching to see where they can take their sound. So, it's Kvelertak, but it's at times more lunatic, more pop, more punk, more sludge, more melodic, more retro. They're almost early-Mastodon-ian in the two long tracks. Super strong.” Who knows, maybe in the future we’ll align ourselves with Buckleyan. But we’re all young spunky wonders who party like we’re 18 so we can’t quite comprehend the existential dread Kvelertak present on Splid. NEXT!
Fluisteraar’s Bloem evoked a range of sombre reactions from listeners. Tracks like “Nasleep” strongly pinch at the emotive core as lonesome piano melodies and wishy-washy riffs submerge you in a cocoon of regret, self-loathing, nostalgia and solemnity. A desire to rarely deviate from set patterns, a reprieve from an overwhelming number bands focused on playing chaotic and fluctuating epics of blackened nonsense, shows a band confident in their ability to hit hard at the heart with simple and subtle effectiveness. Vocally mesmerising, evoking the best of Solstafir, the folk-induced sultriness of the record is a lullaby that drags a listener through sun-lit fields and moon-drenched caverns. Again, upon re-listening and comparing the record to the multitude of releases from February to July, Bloem stands up taller. Mr Nunchucks, taken aback by the record, stated that “whenever the brass kicks in on "Eeuwige ram" I always feel like crying [...] damn what a fucking pussy.” No, Anal, you are not a pussy, you have been reached by great music - this is what music is about.
Dark Fortress thrust their dark Germanic roots through myriad vistas. Nine records in, they must be one of the most consistent contemporary bands around. They seem to float without making much of a stir yet their progressive and melodic approach to black metal constantly hits the sweet spot, though the band are yet to hit a perfect 180. Though too long - the two tracks following the interlude should be cut - Spectres from the Old World prospers through its diversity. The creeping darkness of “The Spider in the Web” demonstrates Dark Fortress’ ability to thread misery through the eye of a needle with subtle and dramatic atmospherics. On the other end of the spectrum, “Pulling at Threads” cruises through the realms of blackened thrash with a fizzing simplicity that courses through iced veins. The record has a bit of everything, amalgamated together in an invigorating blackened package. Dynamic, Snide and Tarbeaux had a listening party for the record which consisted of a lot of comments such as “groove,” “this riff,” and “idk, this song got a bit too cute for me.”
The Funeral Pyre by one-man led (although there are 4 drummers on the record (they don’t all play at the same time)) Kvaen thrashed with a heftier thrust than Dark Fortress, submerging a listener in glistening melodic leads and crusty grooves. It was a nice record. Veri called it “pretty solid.” That’s about it. Energy and riffage was an ever present, surging through youthful veins, but nothing stuck. Too glistening, too hollow, too consistently okay.
An 8 was attributed to the boys from Loathe, a local band to me who - despite rapid sunccing from The Vortex killjoys - have been making waves in the mainstream after, for some reason, publications started heralding the return of nu-metal inspired bands like Loathe as the next best thing. I Let it in and it Took Everything threw a kitchen sink at another kitchen sink, attempting an eclectic, dramatic and touching menagerie of metalcore but failing to rouse suspicious Vortexians with lots of hilarious jokes flying through the server such as “did you loathe it?” Anal and Buckleyan confronted one another in a battle for no ages as the rest of The Vortex stood against the wall smoking passively The two up-starts circled one another and battled to the death: Buckleyan: but yeah I am kind of a metalcore fan Anal: bitch you ain't stealing my crown from me Appalling behaviour from both.
Mini review time for all you space cadets who can’t read:
Yaldabaoth - Snyde: “Yaldabaoth is getting a red because it sounds like absolute dogshit”; Tarbeaux: “from Alaska lol”; Ferday: “pretty cool black metal”
Drown - Meri: “Be forewarned though, it is funeral doom”; Tarbeaux: “This is indeed, Funeral doom very ahab-ish”; Snyde: “it just sounded like any other funeral doom record ever to me”
Lanterns on the Lake - Banthas: “Pleasant”; Ferday: “surprised me with its goodness”; crazyroosterman: “it’s neato.”
Ibex - Gadunka: “DJUNDJUNDJUUN DJUNN DJUNN DJUNN”
Ihsahn - Ferday: “ihsahn's best straight black metal in years”; Tarbeaux: “Rocknroll is deeeeed. lol this is awesome”
Wrekmeister Harmonies - Snyde: “just noticed there's a dog barking in the background of track 2”; Carlos: “I love crap like this…”
Tame Impala - Aker (me): “A band who are every genre and none. A hollow zeitgeist vacuum”
Overall, February was a very solid month with a diverse selection of intriguing releases on offer. I could easily go on and on with mini-reviews, both positive and negative, demonstrating the richness of the month. Surprising. Soon, though, the world shattering events of that funny little crown disease stopped the presses and things went limp...or did they? Join me soon for the month of corona - March.

Spool - Spool (Shoegaze, Indie Rock - February 13th)

youtube.com/watch?v=28pEyiCArj4
As the Japanese shoegaze awakening has continued towards the end of its second decade, I’ve found myself lining up artists to their nebulous western equivalents. So and so is kind of like the My Bloody Valentine of Japan, and so and so is like the Ride, etc. The one notable absence that didn’t really strike me until just a day or two ago, after finally getting to listen to Spool’s S/T debut album, was Verve. That combination of britpop and and shoegaze which redirected Verve’s underground leaning into mass pop hysteria. Something alternative and legit but also playable at a social gathering without offending your nan.
Spool are still a bit more A Storm in Heaven than Urban Hymns, but the strong pop (especially britpop and indie pop) influences are still strong. With the early gothic undertones of “Be My Valentine”, the jangley irony-pop of “Shotgun”, or the dreamy indie balladry of “Sway, Fadeaway (Angel Version)” it’s easy to see a lane for a band like this to be playing on KEXP in a few years. There’s a genuine sonic effort to not just doll out heavy MBV worship and insular focus, while also not succumbing to the pure pop aspirations of bands like Kinoko Teikoku.

Snail’s House - Scenery (Downtempo, Picopop - February 23rd)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7luVMVf_LE
Exactly one month ago I predicted that “Considering Snail House’s usual pattern of releasing a lighter pop-oriented EP as a precursor to a more serious LP, it’s an interesting stage for Snail House. A coded message that he may release his densest project yet.” Now, the promise has been answered.
Some may disagree, and favor his more picopop-ey, sugary and digitized works, but to me this is his magnum opus. An interaction between childlike wonderment and adult superstition that finds true synthesis. The little pings and chirps of innocent synths and children’s instruments run head-first into field recordings and lyrical reminders of our age. I feel oddly entranced by the light shuffle of feet which gives way to bass heavy shuffle and bells of “いつもの道”, in both its simplicity and i’s intricately considered staging. In the face of endless pastiche and imitation, Ujico proves that his identity extends far beyond structure and simple FL plugins. Ujico is the voice which creates songs easy to mimic but impossible to predict.

The Novembers - Down To Heaven (Post Punk, Noise Rock, Industrial Rock - February 6th [Single])

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBeW-qHD70c
The Novembers leave behind their careers as shoegaze fundamentalists and embrace the same kind of noise rock/industrial rock oblivion that drove Daughters off of a cliff last year. Just like Daughter’s last album it feels primal and animalistic in its embrace of repeating Swans-esque baselines and relentless rhythmic drive, as well its chaotic and misanthropic outbursts of noise. Unlike Daughters’ however, the bands history of shoegaze and warm mixing adds a component of nightmarish dreaminess as the synthesizers and guitar leads blend and swirl. It calls attention to its contemporary western influences while also offering the bands historical qualities as a substantive addition to the sound.
This is by far the best thing out of Japan so far this year, and it may well end up being one of my favorite songs of the year. The other three singles released for the album so far are incredibly heavy and alluring as well (including a cover of Suicide’s “Ghost Rider”). Novembers may well be my most anticipated Japanese album this year.

Kankyo Ongaku: Japanese Ambient, Environmental & New Age Music (1980-1990) (Ambient, New Age, Progressive Electronic - February 15th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoyUiEQIIGc
Perhaps I’m being an egotist here, but I feel partially responsible for the state we are in today. Back before I even started writing for online music publications, and sharing posts about japanese musicians here on reddit, I was just working the forums like everyone else. Sharing my japanese music favorites over mega and soulseek, giving up my little knowledge to a small audience of world music fans who were unknowingly deciding this new pantheon of western accepted japanese music. I was there for the rise of Fishmans and Ryo Fukui in online circles, and more pertinently, the rise of Japanese Ambient. Writing on Midori Takada on the cusp of her reissue through WRWTFWW, and just months before the youtube algorithm exploded japanese ambient into the quasi-mainstream, I didn’t really even think too much of it. I made posts about post-hardcore, and contemporary japanese ambient, why would this be any different? Actually, humorously, at the time the Midori Takada post was one of my least popular posts EVER. An annoying fact because at the time tracking down her albums was a fucking nightmare, especially the various Mkwaju works which are now all readily available, and it had taken quite a long time to write. I imagine now the article might have been a huge hit, in fact If I was a smart person I would have pitched it right around the rise of Japanese Ambient to a big music publication. But despite my unspecific focus which touched on Japanese music at large, I feel partly responsible for the undue significance Japanese Ambient now holds outside the country, though as I said before, I’m probably quite dramatically exaggerating my influence as an egotist.
Japan made great ambient music, they also made great punk, and great indie rock. They made great movies and they made bad ones too. Japan is a fully dimensional country, and was only a single piece of an intentional tapestry which defined what ambient music was. I feel, in these past few years, like all the work I’ve down to espouse the wonders and dimensions of Japanese music are a pointless effort in the face of algorithms, and caricature.
This compilation does a great job of drawing a full portrait of what Japanese ambient was, including great artists like Satoshi Ashikawa, Hiroshi Yoshimura, Joe Hisaishi, Yellow Magic Orchestra, Ryuichi Sakamoto, and Haruomi Hosono (a list which actually depends on what copy of the album you have, since the digital version lacks about half that list), but it does better in drawing attention towards to the artists who drifted in and out of the ambient space throughout the decade. Revealing the genre and time to be a more free-flowing and unspecific exploration than most might imagine, exploring the difficult truth that japanese ambient was just part of a larger scene of avant-garde and classical music that extended far beyond these epochal youtube recommended hotspots.

Fulusu - The Voice Between Us (Indie Rock, Math Rock - February 16th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3qlGLBzzfc
Existing as a perfect representation of the post-math indie scene in Japan, Fulusu once again deliver a project under 40 minutes (this one being their shortest yet) that feels epic in scale. Incorporating elements of melodramatic modern post-hardcore along with a dreamier, more avant-garde indie rock slant into their now waning elements of math rock The Voice Between Usis by all measures their most interesting album yet, but as it sometimes goes though, the returns of those interesting ambitions aren’t quite as satisfying as the more clear cut indie math they delivered with 2017’s Old House #1 or 2016’s Trial: One.
As a litmus test for the math-rock scene though, it makes a whole lot of sense. Is anyone really even making math anymore? Tricot, toe, zazen boys, Ling Tosite Sigure, downy, Jyocho, no one is sounding half as math as they did even 5 years ago. This subtle indie-rock and post-hardcore edge has begun to pull the curtain down on one of Japan’s longest running and most prosperous scenes. Nothing last forever I suppose, goodnight sweet prince.

Polkadot Stingray - Uchoten (Pop Rock, Alternative Rock - February 6th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6oVXuLsbxM
The four piece band behind some of Japan’s biggest pop rock hits in recent years, fresh off their first placement in a notable anime soundtrack, returns with their newest distillation of pop whip formula. Uchoten runs a rather substantial 55 minutes and exists in roughly the same place the band has been mining for roughly 3 years, but it’s still hard to find fault in the general idea. In fact Uchouten, despite this overall similarity, might be their best work yet. The songs are ecstatic and considered, pulling out moments of mature joy in light distortion and smart drum rolls.
One of the best albums of the year? Probably not, but you get the strong feeling Polkadot Stingray were never really trying for that anyways. They don’t want you to hold on to this moment after it’s gone, just bask in the fun while we can. One of the month’s best on its own sideways merits.

Sparta Locals - underground (Post-Punk, Indie Rock, Post Hardcore - February 6th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3ZFX5I7Tlk
Those unfamiliar with Sparta Locals should close this post and listen to the groups 2004 album Sun Sun Sun before you even consider listening to anything else here. It’s a perfect jolt of early 2000s post-punk revival which can rival the very best America had to offer.
After an almost 10 year hiatus since the groups break-up, and a full three year wait since they officially reunited, Sparta Locals have released underground, which effectively picks up where their last album, Leecher, left off. Toning down the harsher edges of the groups embrace of post-hardcore at the end of the 2000’s but not necessarily returning to the groups softer 2000s roots, it’s an album of heavily meditated experimentation. underground, while it may be a damn good indie rock album on its own legs, does suffer a bit from the comparisons to its creators’ legacy. There are no irresistible sing-a-long moments like “Urara”’s bar chant finale, or melodic masterworks like the dancing bassline of “Tokyo Ballerina” but I’ll be damned if it isn’t an album of smiles nonetheless. Leaving behind the frantic screams and off-putting noise of Leecher the groups flirations with post-hardcore actually sneers and snarls in away that flows with the groups inherent sonic optimism. A little flame brought back from a time in our not-so-distant past where indie rock strutted and shuffled to the tune of a shit eating grin.

Radwimps - PAPARAZZI (English Version) (Trap Rap - February 1st)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZcJRFc15LY
If you know Radwimps, you probably know them as the group who made the melodramatic pop-rock soundtrack to the film Your Name. Which is not to discredit the value of that initial breakthrough, or even their early sound in general, since their special brand of angsty alternative rock is definitely alluring in its own way. Their work on Your Name. made for an excellent soundtrack which perfectly presented them as a clean cut summary of Japan’s j-rock scene up until that moment. Only problem really was that the impression wasn’t very true. By 2016 Radwimps didn’t really seem all that interested in pop rock at all, and following the almost unprecedented success of “ZenZenzense” it seemed as if the last interesting mountain there had been climbed. Their next album, after Your Name.’s success, Human Bloom, would only further that narrative as second string alt-rock songs were lazily thrown together between a few invigorating experimental cuts that seemed to give the band some life. Eventually we arrived at 2018’s Anti Anti Generation where Radwimps seemed completely over making rock music in its totality, indulging in their pop, edm, and rap fantasies completely. It was an album that was highly comparable in concept to something like 1975’s most recent album.
Let’s not dance around it, it’s an awful awful album. In the absence of genre direction the band didn’t seem to have much songwriting direction, often leaning into the song’s sonic novelty to pick up the slack. The release of a new single version of “Paparazzi” does however reveal one saving grace to the album, lead singer illion can rap, and the group can throw together a hell of a beat. Irecommend the original Japanese version over this new English version if you want to avoid cringing to death however.

Kenji Kihara - Dawn (Ambient, Electroacoustic - February 2nd)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paUlqvY9Qug
Absolutely gorgeous. By no means ground breaking or necessarily standout in the grand scheme of modern japanese ambient if you describe it on paper, but its persistent beauty speaks to its own value. No other straightforward ambient album from Japan in 2019 sounds this composed, and we’ll see if any does by year’s end. Sometimes describing the ocean can make it seem like just a big puddle at the edge of the land though, so I’ll let the music do its own work.

Kohh - Untitled (Trap Rap, Alternative R&B - February 7th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQtXUJ2t8ug
You might be familiar with Kohh from his appearance on the infamous “It G Ma” by Keith Ape, or from his appearance on Xavier Wulf’s East Memphis Maniac tape last year, but on his own merits he has been one of Japan’s most prominent and consistent voices throughout this trap rap revolution, releasing hit songs like “Dirt Boys” and "貧乏なんて気にしない". It’s not easy to say what makes Kohh unique within the larger landscape of trap, cause he really isn’t, minus his novelty in an asian trap scene more prominently dominated by Korean and Chinese artists. With Untitled Kohh makes some sincere-ish statements of what makes Kohh Kohh, and takes some steps out of what you’d expect, but the flirtations with grunge and nu-metal on “I Want A Billion” just sound like XXXTentacion worship, despite the songs general effectiveness.
If you’re a fan of artists like Keith Ape, Xavier Wulf, Bones and XXXTentacion there will probably be something for you here, but if these are names that repel you, then there isn’t really anything here that will leave their shadow.

Vava - VVorld (Alternative R&B, Pop Rap - February 20th)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zplpETjyZJ0
In other hit or miss hip-hop news, Vava has released his latest album to adequate amounts of response. Featuring the Japanese hip-hop and j-pop mainstay tofubeats, the album kind of comes across as the more tolerable and experimental version of tofu's music. Featuring the same kind of plastic-ey texture and de-emphasized drums that tofu is famous for it pushes the very forgiving definition of “hip-hop” to its limit. Arguably tofubeats is just a pop musician now, and Vava is Post Malone, just barely holding onto enough tropes to keep him in that space. Their song together is one of the most insipid things I’ve heard this year, but other songs like “Genjitsu Feelin’ on My Mind” with its Donnie Trumpet-esque brass, and “Honey” with its smooth sub-bass and no-bullshit pop-rap stylings make the album pretty tolerable if you just need something nice and positive to put on in this hellish dystopia we find ourselves in.

Things I Missed:

Kimochi by Bokoyume (Ambient, Modern Classical - January 28th)
A nice change of pace from the blistering noise of her previous attempts at deafening me.
Boy Meets Girl by Endon (Power Violence, Noise Rock - February 7th)
An attempt at deafening me.
Powder in Space by Powder DJ Mix (Outsider House, Tech House - February 15th)
As a huge fan of outsider house and tech house I should really like this. I should, definitely.
Celer - Xièxie (Ambient, Drone, Field Recordings - January 24th)
(technically not japanese)
Celer usually releases something like 14 albums in any given year so it’s been very easy to ignore, but sometimes I really should listen because he is one of the most miraculous ambient smiths working anywhere. I got to this one late but it’s beautiful.

Background - mostly back pain from an injury a decade ago, also shoulder pain and post surgery nerve pain. I'm taking inderal as migraine/headache prevention and endep for nerve pain. In Australia, not sure if that makes a difference!
Most days my pain is between a 3-5/10 and I can manage it with over the counter pain meds (codeine is OTC here and I rely pretty heavily on it and I'm also very resistant to it.) I have a stash of tramadol and endone from surgery which I take for breakthrough pain. I am more likely to suffer through pain to avoid taking stronger meds because of the negative attitude people tend to have to young pain patients.
I really want/need to ask my doctor about getting a regular prescription for tramadol but I don't know how to approach the subject. I'm really concerned that I'm going to come across as drug seeking as I've had some bad experiences with asshole doctors/pharmacists and anxiety brain struggles with the idea.
I'd really love some suggestions on how to bring this up with my gp and some ideas on what I can say. I now at least have a history as a pain patient, should I ask specifically for tramadol? Is there anything else I should mention? My regular gp now is a pretty decent bloke but I really want to make sure I approach this the right way, I know a lot of doctors are a bit iffy about strong pain meds. Thanks in advance!

Part 2 - Within the Buddhist Establishment
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In 1145, at the age of thirteen, Seishi-maru was sent to Mt. Hiei. First, he studied with Jiho-bo Genko in the north valley of the western section of the mountain. Then two years later he became a disciple of Koen at Kudoku-in temple. Seishi-maru was ordained by Koen and studied the Tendai Buddhism of Mt. Hiei under him. But Seishi-maru was not satisfied with this, and in 1150, at the age of eighteen, he left Koen and went to study with Jigem-bo Eiku in the Kurodani valley of the same area. There Seishi-maru was named Honen-bo Genku by Eiku and began earnestly to search for the way of religious salvation.

Just some links to get an idea of places being referenced:
Mt. Hiei
Kudoku-in temple
Kurodani Valley Gorge
Jodo Shu Research Institute has already done the leg work for the background on Honen's teachers[ reference ]:

Little is known about Genko (fl. mid-twelfth century), Honen's first teacher of Tendai Buddhism. His lodging temple on Mt. Hiei was located at Kitadani in the area of Western Hiei. According to the Honen shonin gyojoezu, Honen studied basic Tendai doctrine, especially the Shikyogi (attributed to Chih-i, T.1929, 46), under Genko for two years.
Koen (?-1169) is famous as the author of the Fusoryakki, a history of Japan. On Mt. Hiei, he lived at the Kudoku-in of Otani in the area of Eastern Hiei. Honen studied with Koen the major works of the Chinese T'ien-t'ai founder Chih-i (Jp. Chigi): the Fa-hua hsuan-i (Profound Meaning of the Lotus Sutra), the Fa-hua wen-chu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra) and the Mo-ho chih-kuan (Great Calming and Insight), as well as both exoteric and esoteric Tendai teachings.
Among the thirteen different schools of Tendai esotericism, Honen is said to have received from Koen the teaching of the Sanmai lineage. Of the ten different schools of Tendai exotericism, Honen received from Koen the teaching of the Sugiu line. Kokaku was the founder of the Sugiu lineage, which became the main stream of the Eshin school. One of Kokaku's disciples was Koen, who is said to have transmitted the Sugiu teachings to Honen. What is significant here is that while the authorship of some of Kokaku's works is in question, it is possible that the notion of realizing enlightenment in a single moment that appears in these texts exerted an influence on Honen.
Honen studied under Koen for three years. Then in 1150, when he was eighteen, he retired to Kurodani in the area of Western Hiei. The Kurodani area of Mt. Hiei was at this time the site of a major bessho, a place where monks withdrew from involvement in temple affairs to devote themselves to religious practice. Monks living in seclusion at such places were known as bessho hijiri. The Kurodani bessho was an important site of nembutsu practices, and in moving there, Honen, at a very young age, rejected the prospect of a career in the clerical establishment or in performing ritual services for wealthy aristocratic patrons.
Three possible reasons can be imagined for Honen's decision. First, his move to Kurodani may have implied criticism of the monastic corruption that prevailed on Mt. Hiei. As mentioned previously, at this time, the highest clerical ranks were monopolized by the aristocracy, and in addition, Enryakuji maintained warrior monks, so that the mountain became the scene of frequent strife. Second, his move might have been in response to the personal blow Honen received from the scattering of his family following the death of his father, Uruma no Tokikuni. Eiku, under whom Honen practiced at Kurodani, encouraged him to persevere in his Buddhist practice and studies in the face of his family misfortune.(HDZ. 787) Thirdly, Honen's seclusion was by no means an unprecedented act. For example, Eiku had done the same thing, and so had Ryonin, Eiku's teacher. Ryonin had, at the age of twenty-one, entered the Jogyodo on Mt. Hiei as a doshu, a lower class of monks assigned to a temple who were responsible for performing services, cleaning, and other routine functions. At twenty-three, however, he left Mt. Hiei and secluded himself at Ohara in Kyoto, a bessho devoted to nembutsu practices. Ryonin's decision to follow the path of a nembutsu hijiri influenced his disciple Eiku who himself retired to the Kurodani bessho. Thus Ryonin, Eiku and Honen all belonged to a tradition of monks who fled the worldliness of Mt. Hiei into bessho where they could devote themselves to nembutsu practice.
It is possible that Honen studied three aspects of Tendai Buddhism under Eiku: the exoteric teachings, the esoteric teachings, and the precepts for perfect and immediate enlightenment.
Regarding Tendai exoteric teachings, Eiku had inherited from Ryonin the teaching of the Ohara school, a minor line of the Eshin school. Ryonin, as mentioned earlier, is recorded as the founder of the Yuzu Nembutsu Sect. His works include a commentary on the Fa-hua hsuan-i and treatises on Buddhist ritual, including the ohara school of shomyo (Buddhist hymns). Ryonin's extant works do not give us a clear sense of his understanding of the exoteric teachings but his work on shomyo is definitive. This and the founding of the Yuzu Nembutsu movement were his two great accomplishments. If one enumerates the points in common between Ryonin and Honen, one can see the influence the former had on the latter. In following the tradition of his lineage, Honen followed in the footsteps of Ryonin by retiring from the world (Ryonin at age twenty-three and Honen at eighteen); by becoming nembutsu hijiri intent on spreading the teaching of the nembutsu to the common people; by performing a practice that gave verbal utterance to his faith (shomyo in Ryonin's case and the recited nembutsu in Honen's); by starting his own religious movement; and finally in experiencing a religious conversion (Ryonin experienced his religious conversion at forty-six, and Honen at forty-three).
Eiku may also have taught Honen Tendai esoteric teachings. Ryonin had received instruction in esoteric Tendai Buddhism from Eii of whom little is known. However, the Renge school, one of the thirteen schools of Tendai esotericism, is said to have been founded by a monk called Eii. If this Eii was the same person as Ryonin's teacher, it is possible that both Ryonin and Eiku inherited the esoteric teachings of the Renge school. A central doctrine of the Renge school was the concept of innate enlightenment (hongaku) which was significantly rejected by Honen.
Eiku is also regarded as the founder of the Kurodani school of teachings concerning the "precepts for perfect and immediate enlightenment" (endon kai), the Mahayana precepts established by Saicho (767-822), the founder of the Japanese Tendai Sect, on the basis of the Fan-wang ching. Eiku is said to have inherited a transmission concerning these precepts that began with Saicho, Ennin (794-864) and Choi (also called Ryoji, fl. 899) eventually passing to Zennin (1067-1139) and Eiku's teacher Ryonin. Within this lineage, three works interpreting the precepts of perfect and immediate enlightenment survive: the Fusatsu ryakusaho (attributed to Ryonin), the Endonkaiho hizo taikoshu and the Endonkai kikigaki, both attributed to Eiku. It is altogether possible it was from Eiku that Honen inherited these teachings concerning the Mahayana precepts. Furthermore, these teachings become significant when we see that Honen, while rejecting them as a practice for birth in the Pure Land in establishing his own doctrine, continued to maintain them throughout his life.

As we can see above, Honen's training was extensive and his pursuit was tireless.
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Honen's main concern was not to achieve high social status as was that of many priests in those days. According to biographies of Honen, however, he did attain a high reputation as a monk of great learning on Mt. Hiei. But this was not what he was seeking. What he wanted was to find the way of universal salvation, the way through which everyone together can attain final liberation in the Pure Land.

We can validation of these thoughts in the quote from the JSRI above. Honen was not concerned with worldly matters. His main focus was on the Dharma.
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In 1156, at the age of twenty-four, Honen went to Nara, the ancient capital of Japan, to learn more about Buddhism and to find this way of universal salvation. In route, he visited the Shaka-do hall at Seiryo-ji temple in Saga, a western suburb of kyoto, to pray for success in finding this way. At the Shaka-do Hall was enshrined a statue of Shakyamuni Buddha. This statue had been brought there from China by Chonen of Todai-ji temple in Nara in 987 and was worshipped by everyone as a sacred image. In Nara, he visited the great temples such as Kofuku-ji and Todai-ji, as well as the great scholar-priests such as Kanga of the Sanron school (San-lun), Zoshun of the Hosso school (Fa-hsiang), and Keiga of the Kegon school (Hua-yen).

For some background on some of these sites:
Seiryo-ji temple in Saga
Kofuku-ji temple in Nara
Todai-ji temple in Nara
For some background on some of these schools:
The Sanron School
The Hosso School
The Kegon School
The Six Sects of Nara