Biwi ko gand kaise mari jaye

Disclaimer- apne risk me padhna aur offend mat hona, agr ho jao to 2 glass pani jyada pi lena
mera ek din ka centre galti se maharana Pratap pad gaya tha. Itna mc centre aur itne chutiye invigilator shayad hi dekhe honge. Physics ke paper ka tym tha sb log baithe the, invigilator ne omr dena suru kiya aur boli ki fill karna start karo, jb tk wo last std tk pahuchi to usne dekha ki ek omr kam hai, turant boli "sb rok ruk jaao fill mat karo" jldi se desk pr gayi aur dekhti hai hai ki ek omr to waha hai...Ab wo kya karti hai ki us omr ko 1st std ko deti hai aur kahti hai jo sb ke paas hai usko peeche wale ko de do ( arey bkl wo wali omr last std ko de deti aur question paper match kara deti lekin nhi...pata kaise chalega ki wo chutiya hai) haan to phir aage... aage wale std ki omr mili usme correction kiya (kisi ne bubble fill nhi kiya tha) sab badiya chal raha tha, paper ke beech me yaha sign kardo, yaha fill kardo, yaha property de do, gaand mar do, time waste karti rahi. Ab ek ghante ka paper hai wo bhi pen paper based to time batana chahiye ya bell ring honi chahiye ya kuch to ho jaise ki pata chale ki kitna time bacha hai to omr fill kar li jaye, lekin nhi, ye to maharana Pratap hai aise kaise pata chalega ki ye lund mc nihaiti lodu college hai. invigilator ne watch pehan rakhi thi lekin us bsdk wali bkl ne ek baar bhi nhi bataya, jb time khatam hua kahti hai laao hogaya, bc utne se tym me jitni gole kaale kar paye kar diye. Aage kya hua baad me agr koi puchega to.
haan ye wahi jhatu college hai jaha 15 ko hindi ke paper ki jagah eng ka de diya tha( baad me news me pata chala) isse pata chalta hai ki in saale suar ke pillon ko hindi english me farak nhi aata, aur exam dhang se karane ki bast to dur ki baat hai isse sahi to koi school ya ion wale hai, iska bhi kissa hai wo kabhi alag se
TLDR chahiye ho to batana

Literally the shittiest board ever. Agar koi bhai / behen hoga toh boldo gawaar rahe but iss board mai na seekhe. CBSE / ICSE Students get a fair edge over HSC students due to the content provided.
I got 74.83 percentage in 12th HSC boards. Studied for 2 months and those who studied for like 1 week before the examination got 80+ 85+. Bohut khule aam copy hoti hai even in reputated centres in reputated cities like Mumbai, Pune and so on. Mere centre mai literally mere class ke baccho ne ek dusre ki answer sheet paper submission time ke 15 mins pehele li, waapis exchange ki and scored like 18-20 marks more. I tried to stay loyal with me and got fucked by my own self. Regret ho raha hai ki system hi chudi padi hai toh gangbang mai maine hissa kyu nahi liya.
Mfuckers made me ineligible for JEE by 1 MARK. 1 FUCKING MARK. Now y'all might say ki bsdk rechecking ko dalde toh here's the deal. Other boards want their students to do smtng in life. HAHA NOT HSC MIND IT WELL. Jo bacche copy kare unki gand chaato aur jo bacche imaandari se likhe unki gand maaro BY REDUCING MARKS IN RE EVALUATION. BHENCHOD MAR JAYE KYA ON EDGE WALE BACCHE.
What's the deal in my case is I am waiting for 20%ile kab release kare yeh bhosdiwale kyuki uske pehele rechecking ko diya aur in chipkali ke bhosdo ne marks kaat diye toh mai na ghar ka na ghaat ka bass pankhe aur rassi ka.
Inki website dekho toh lagta hai ki pre jesus christ era mai hai humlog. Poora system is nothing but a joke. Idhar tak padh liye ho toh bass prarthana karo ki mera cutoff nikal jaaye, sabko ek ek dairy milk dunga.
TLDR : HSC is gandu board, koi relative hoga toh turant nikalke board change karne bolo.

Nayi shaadi Hui hai bc, .... Biwi saath rehne ko bol ri hai ...parents bhi bol rahe hai ..bachcha karna hai isliye ...wife isn't too much kharcha wali .....kya Kiya Jaye bc .... MC tankhwa bas 40k hai .....kaisse rahen ? ....sujhaaav den. BY THE WAY I heard that flats are available in cheap under 10-12 k for 1 BHK in Greater Noida ???
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- meri calculation bhi yahi thi ....single room rent 7-8 k ..... Khana peena 10 k ..... Miscellaneous 5-6 k ..... Total 25 approx for just Zinda rehne ka .... Baaki 5-7 k ...weekend bakaaiti ....chota mota shipping etc .......kul milake mahine ka 7-9-10 hajar bachega as savings ...bohot tight ho jayega sala isme bhi .. +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-----

Fiitjee February mai syllabus khatam karne ko keh rha (faculty Allen le Gaya uska bhi dekhunga )
Vmc pta nahi kaise oct-nov tak khatam karane ko keh rha (center acha nahi lag but fees kam thi )
Local maths and physics ke teacher hai unki alternate days pe hafte ke 3 din classes ab pta nahi kaise
Aur mereko July improvement ke liye khud se bhi padhna hai maths , 43/80 chaiye 75 ke liye but target 73 kar rha jisse 81 ho jaye

Made a new account because I don't want my art from my main to get traced here lol
My (27F) fiancé (J, 29M) grew up with a rather narcissistic mother (46F). When she was 17, she found out that she was pregnant and tried to abort him, but was told that na kasalanan yun and was persuaded to keep him.
His dad (46M) got babytrapped, and instead of moving to the US with his parents, he decided to stay for Jay. They then went ahead and got 3 more kids after their marriage, and then the dad left mid-pandemic because he was just done with her. He's still pretty involved, but due to FMIL being a manic bitch that she is, she's not letting the two youngest kids to spend time with him.
Now, why am I the one ranting about this instead of J? Well, there are a few things of note that FMIL did that just deeply triggered me. Namely:

• Back then, J used to give his entire salary including his 13th month pay to her. He only asked for her to save his first salary to a time deposit and a portion of it for his lunch. He didn't leave any for himself as it was his first job and he needed to provide. His lunches would include a can of San Marino and rice at the best days. When J gave his 13th month pay to her after a new job, she was literally jumping in joy. After I conveyed that to J, he told me that he hasn't bought anything for himself except for the PSVita when it first came out. I told him to just give a portion to her and save the rest up for himself. Unfortunately, he still ended up being milked dry because, well, FMIL has a chronic condition of borrowing money and not paying it back. I think this was the time that FMIL viewed me in a rather hostile manner.
• We officially moved in together several years back, and it was a peaceful year with our cats. We ended up saving for a bed of our own. However, things were rather chaotic at their ancestral home. Because it was in the middle of the pandemic, there was a really tense atmosphere. First, J's father left because he couldn't handle FMIL, then the sibling who came after J left to live with their maternal uncle's after a rather intense argument. Then, FMIL herself has to leave because she couldn't pay back any of her debt towards a relative. So that leaves the grandparents and two elementary-grade kids in the house. We ended up moving to their place because grandma insisted to help us save up more money (I don't have a 9-5 due to corpo work-related depression, but I do have some sidelines). We paid for the bills she didn't pay (20k for the electricity bill alone) and did some maintenance work on the house. As soon as that relative passed away, she had started frequenting the ancestral home more until she officially moved in a couple of years ago. Like she literally came back the moment that those debts disappeared.
• Living with her has been such a nightmare. Never have I ever encountered a human that fucks up adobo. As a Filipino, just how the fuck do you fuck up adobo so hard that it didn't have any flavor except for an entire pack of those tingi-tingi ground pepper and an entire pack of liquid seasoning? She had also mentioned that if the toilet gets clogged (they like to pour spoiled food and used oil down the bowl), just pour hot water in it. I literally spent sweat and probably burned a few of my scent receptors unclogging that mess of a toilet bowl only for it to get clogged again. I stopped after it happened for the third time and she blamed me for clogging it when I'm not the one who keeps flushing down food down there.
• Sobrang burara niya. She will leave clothes in the spin-dryer for six hours because "it's dry anyway". Whenever she washes dishes, the floor looks like it got flooded. May kanin pa sa mga utensil whenever she washes cuz she just gives them one pass of the sponge with an abysmal amount of dishwashing liquid before rinsing them off. There was even a time that she dunked the showerhead in the toilet bowl and turned it on at max because it was clogged. She would also make sure to make a big racket just to make people hear that she was doing something, breaking a few things like a door hinge or their fridge. She will purposely mess things up because she wants other people to do it for her. Because grandma was one of the nicest people I've ever met, FMIL took advantage of that and made her do everything in the house.
• Picking up after that chronic condition of "borrowing" money, she had borrowed money from our friends, from the neighbors, from lending companies. I'm just so fucking glad I didn't give her any of my family's contact details otherwise she could've borrowed from my family. She currently owes approximately 6-digits to J, including his "time deposit" which we both doubt ever existed in the first place because she didn't show any paperwork that it was indeed there. Unfortunately as those debts were made verbally we couldn't prove to anyone that she owed him that much.
• She goes into such dramatic hysterics whenever things don't go her way just so she can amass some accomplices and para madaan niya sa awa yung kung anong ginagawa niyang kagaguhan.

That's just a not-so-TL;DR version of the things that triggered me to write this post. But what current events have happened for me to finally rant this here?
Well, it all started when I was leaving two dishes to soak in the sink. She barged into our room, reprimanding me na "kababae mong tao di ka marunong maghugas ng pinggan". Maawa daw ako kay J kasi nagtatrabaho siya kaya ako daw dapat sa gawaing-bahay. Like... woman, I do have a job, just not a regular 9-5. Kesyo di daw ako nakikisama kasi di daw ako naglilinis (woman, again, my responsibilities include making sure that my man is well-fed and well-taken care of, so yung area lang namin including the bathroom and kitchen sometimes yung inaasikaso ko. It does not apply to the rest of the house.).
Our mealtimes have been separate ever since FMIL moved back in here (she also somehow hates my cooking because, admittedly, my cooking is better than hers), so hiwalay din yung hugas ng pinggan namin. I'm like, sure, we'll wash our dishes separately when you don't see it. That night, we washed the dishes properly and spent some time in the living room to cool off (mid-April heat was awful even at night). We left J's phone at the sofa because it was 2am and he needed to work in the morning.
I was then woken up with J turning our floor upside-down because his phone has been missing. I told him that he left it in the living room the night before, but it was no longer there. Only his brother's and FMIL's phone was there. So I tried calling it, texting it, to no avail. FMIL was nowhere to be seen, and we didn't suspect her at first.
J's phone was a Samsung, and as it was registered to his account, we were able to track it at a pawnshop near... a Puregold? But FMIL went to Puregold earlier.
We confronted FMIL, and she was so upset that he could throw such accusations to her. She said she was with her insurance agent (let's call her Mary) earlier, and that we should blame her if anything. It was strange that only J's phone got stolen and not the others, and the other phones looked more expensive if anything.
So we went to the barangay hall just to check CCTV cameras and to file an incident report that J's phone went missing. At about the same time, we were able to contact Mary about the missing phone. Apparently FMIL already called her beforehand, accusing us that we're going to file a blotter against her and et cetera, so Mary had an angry tone at first.
Mary calmed down as soon as we explained the situation to her, and we told her that FMIL told us to blame her for the lost phone. We got into an agreement that we weren't accusing her of anything, and that we just wanted to clear the misunderstanding up by talking.
The following day, it was grandma's death anniversary, so there were a lot of people and a lot of food even up until nighttime. We didn't participate in the event because there were just way too many people. It was then when the people from the barangay hall gave FMIL and J a summons to go to the said hall the next day because of Mary filing a complaint. When FMIL received the summons, she immediately went into hysterics, saying things like "how dare my son send his own mother to jail", with her usual paawa and naghahanap ng kakampi attitude. She then again barged into our floor, demanding that we leave immediately because we're not "respecting" her. We just brushed it off to her own hysterics again, and the following day, J went to the barangay hall.
Mary just wanted to have her name clean because it would affect her job as an insurance agent so much. J was there to be an extra witness, and most of the talks were between Mary and FMIL. When the topic of the phone came up, FMIL kept trying to dodge the subject, and she apparently also looked so embarrassed just by being there. The one sentence that made everyone speechless was "Bakit ayaw mo sisihin yang babae mo?"
Kapitan had to end the meeting there because it got so derailed and FMIL just left immediately. The kicker of this entire situation though? Mary gave J a pat on the shoulder and told him that her son was a lawyer if ever that he needed help.
So anyway she replaced the gate lock and didn't give J and I the spares but instead gave them to the younger kids. I had secretly duplicated the keys so we still had access. We have been on a nearly no-speaking term and we've been looking for a new place to live for the past month or so.
She has gotten a bit pettier, like never letting us use the electric fan in the living room by literally putting it in her bedroom, or turning off the water motor at night because "sayang sa kuryente". Like bitch, you don't pay for the electricity anymore, just the water and even that you can't pay.
So anyway, ang hirap maghanap ng place for rent that's at least cat-friendly.
I know we're not supposed to wish badly upon another person, but goddamn this woman makes it so hard. Sana tumanda ka na mag-isa at di na kinakausap ng mga anak mo. Pwe.
Sorry that this rant has been all over the place, my ADHD is acting up and my bottled-up rage isn't helping it lmao

Mujhe comments main pata chala ki after nikah son has to provide a different kitchen for her wife according to islam .Toh aise hi hota hai kya sab jagah .And ghar par guests aa jaye toh wife apni duniya main mast rahe kuch na karein unke liye kyuki ye uski responsibility nahi hai . PS - Apne convinience se hum sab kaise apne religion and traditions ko kaise tod marod kar use kar lete hai 😂

Koi mere ko ye counselling ka 0 to 100 process bata sakta h kya pls bata do Mai poora fuked up hua pada hu wase he boards ma gand mari h Sahi sa ek clg mil jye degree he leni Pls pls help your bro out 💔

i am a partial dropper and my last hope is bitsat to get something. i studied my ass off for jee but i fucked up(27s1 and 6s1) and also my anxitey during lastg 15 min of exam(fuck you. i hate my self). during the last 15 minutes i went from 60 correct:5 wrong to 35 correct:25 wrong. i hated myself for every part of it. uss last ke 15 min me maine aapne aap ko chod diya. my bitsat is on 24 i am now getting nervous for my exam fuck it. kaise bhi krke acha chala jaye. please give me a paper that i know. bohot downfall ho gaaya mera. i see my friends on insta everyday roaming somewhere and enjoying time, mai 3 saal se ek kamre me band hu. bhai log mai to apna college ka fest bhi attend nhi kiya💀💀. btw i motivated a boy for jee studies we studied together uske 99.5% aaye🤡🤡🤡. mera adv ka cutoff bhi clear nhi hua

Attention: A big rant coming your way so dekh lena padhne hain ki nhi
Hah toh background about me I am class 12 student with commerce and maths student IDK it is the best place to talk about things like mental breakdown all. So let's start mere 11th ke exams 14th of March se khatam huye and uske agle din se maine coaching join kar li with all the peak levels of motivations that I could gain from earlier bahut maja ata tha 1-2 classes hoti thee accounts ki ata tha practice karta tha eak alag hi maja aa rha tha april start hote hi maths and eco ki class shuru ho gyi and even school bhi shuru ho gaye. Thoda sa pressure hua but somehow main kafi ressilient rha roj ache se padhta backlog nhi hone deta lekin fir aya mera official breakdoen ka point accounts me test hua lekin number bilkul chude hue aye jisme main padh kar bhi gya frustration hua but koi nhi lekin sir ko dekh ke aisa laga ki yar BC is admi ne toh mere kuch expectation rakhi thee woh bhi nhi puri kar pya coaching me main starting woh overexcited bacha tha joh sabse pehle answer nikalne ki koshish karta doubts puchta and eak alag sa CHIGMA male attitude aa gya tha shayd thodi ego bhi coaching ki ladkiyon se bhi bat hone woh momint hi alag tha jab unhone pucha Ansh itna kaise padh lete ho tum? main toh eak bar hi pigal gya lekin woh hi chutiya reply maine bhi diya arey kha lekin MKC test me gande numbers ane se pura self-respect ki amma behn eak ho gyi and main eak alag hi rha me nikal gya pichle eak mahine se mere me woh Richyard Fenyman wali vibe ane lagi joh koi bhi physics ka numerical aur ghand phad questions bar me jake lap dance lete hu karta tha yah BJ. Lekin BC woh kismat humari kha meyesain muthi baji ki rha me kuch jyada hi age nikal gya rat ko 12 baje muthi marta tha suabh 5 baje uth ke school jata lekin yar woh post nut clarity wala kuch scene hi nhi hua dimag maa ki eyes chal hi nhi rha ladkiyon ke bat karne me eak jijhak. Hah pta hain ki ap koi ayega niche loduuuuuu hilaya mat kar leikin BC 1 week hote hi tharak roof top phad dete hain hormones peak par aa jate hain. Us time pe mera dimag aise trick karta hain ki lodu sun dekh abhi badhiya lag rha hain hain top of the world coaching me ijjat bani hui hain muth mar aur stress bhula de afsos main apne is dimag ke sharyantra me aa hi jta hua (bhayankar rone wala emoji) . Lekin tum soch rhe hoge ki nhi yar isme toh sab kuch theek hain main bat yeh hain ki maine IPMAT ki class bhi join kar rakhi hain toh time ka pta hi nhi chalta aur coaching me downfall hi chal rha hain whi school me comeback lekin wah ka kya hain andhe ghante exam se cum karne se bhi cumbak ho jta hain don't ask me why. Lekin main problem hain coaching eak toh BC joh maine yeh nyi coaching join kari hain sare hi kuch jyada hi ammeri ke ghode lagete hain. BSDK maths ki class me 150 rupee ki coffee lake questions solve karte hain bolte hain "Bruh you know what coffee is the best invention of this humankind I can't fucking imagine a day without it" tab toh indeed bol deta hun lekin man me main bhi bolta hun in bhak bsdk ke. Main toh galti se eak vada pav hi kha ke aja toh mami ko pura explanation dena padhta hain hain ki kyon main is dhuvidha me fassa and ghar ake kyon nhi kha lekin fir woh hi mummiyon ke dialogue paise kya ped pe ugte hain toh jah mere liye bori bhar kar la kaun samajye. Age badhte hain I wish thoda sa mera balance bane and eak kafi possitivity aye academic comebak hoye and female interactions aur badhe. (Kash woh sote huye yeh sochti ho ki yar main kabhi zinadagi me Ansh ke sath betray nhi karungi eak bar uski bandi ban jau toh and Ansh kitna shi banda hain padhta bhi hain topper bhi hain and nerd bhi nhi aur top notch meme language me bat karta hain) Chalo fir bhai ke prathana karne DM karna ho toh thodi der backchodi karte hain stress relief ke liye

its gonna be a long trauma dump.
im 19f, appeared in 12th this year, this would be my first drop. vaise to iss sun pe lurker rehti thi, aaj laga maybe kuch bol hi du to atleast relief rahega kisko dhang se bataya to. vaise to life meri bekar nhi hai overall dekha jaye to. yaha pe logo ka padho bc achhi lagne lagti hai life, and phir agle din vahi rr.
i was five almost, jb mere nana ne pehli baar mujhe touch kiya tha. mummy papa ka office rehta tha and bhaiya ka school to akele chhodne ki jagah nana ko bula lete the vo log ki mera dhyaan rakhe. achha dhyan rakhe the (apna lolzzz). now that i think about the movements and the way he'd shake afterwards, pyare nanaji was most probably cumming in his dhoti holding his five year old granddaughter on his thigh. (i mean, ladke shayad better jaane, kabhi kisi se detail mein puchha nhi iss baare mein. after it had got some action and y'all are ejaculating, do you guys like, freeze for a bit a breathe hard? agar nhi to im sorry for the wrong allegations). anyways that happened for a while. uske baad ka mujhe kuch yaad nhi. tbh ye bhi nhi yaad tha, until 3-4 saal pehle jb i read a similar scene in a book and ye yaad aaya phir shock mein chali gayi. had two beautiful frnds jinko bataya iss baare mein and they tried to help me out as best as they could. andar se ye bhi lagta tha ki mummy ko kabhi pata bhi chala to nahi manengi, isiliye parents se thoda grudge rehta tha and ladti jhagadati rehti thi.
fast forward to present, mai apne best friend ke saath relationship mein aa gayi and slowly but surely, he made a great impact on my relationship with my family. like uski uske parents ke saath achhe relations hain and ladka bhi sahi hai (haa pyar krti hu usse, mar jaungi ek din) to convince kr liya mujhe ki mere parents bhi pasand krte hain mujhe. and tb se mere relations meri family ke saath significantly improve hue. i even started to trust them.
to kya hai na, mummy and nana ki jamti nhi hai (he's neither a good husband nor a good father), isiliye mummy unse baat nhi krti. ek din recently mummy unhi ke baare mein upset thi and maine mummy se bol diya ki "uss aadmi se to mujhe nafrat hai. royi hu bestfriend ko batate hue" and mummy was like mujhe batao but mana kar di ki abhi nhi.
agle din she came to me and said ki unhe raat mein neend nhi aa rahi thi ye sochte hue ki aisa unhone kya kar diya ki I don't trust her but trust my frnds? phir bohot bolne pe mai unhe puri baat bata di (utni detail mein nhi obviously) and she was very supportive. boli ki "maa baap important hote hain par bachcho se zyada nhi. mai to vaise bhi unhe ghar na bulati but ab to sawal hi nhi uthata. shakal nhi dekhungi unki". and mai apne room mein aake rone lagi ki maine apni maa ko galat samjha ki vo mujhpe yakeen nhi karengi.
then agle din, i think jb mai ghar pe nhi thi tb mummy bhaiya ko ye baat batayi and he told her abt how once i confessed to him i was a lesbian (bisexual boli thi but lauda hai), and pata nhi kaise, mummy ko convince kr doya ki im making this whole story up for sympathy and to seem cool.
mummy aayi and mujhse boli ki "tum jo batayi ho, vo sach mein hua hai ya jo tum ghatiya books padhti ho, uski vajah se dimag mein baitha li ho ki mere saath bhi kuch galat hua hai?" and phir asked me abt that lesbian wala and told me ki inhi sab vajah se my face has lost its innocence and mai kuch nahi kar paayi hu. kaise i didn't deserve the marks i got in boards and sabka entrance exam tha but sab ek event mein aa rahe the but tumne kuch padha nhi tha isiliye nhi aayi (true but jisko neet dena hota vo aise bhi na aata). and how she feels ashamed and unsafe to go out with me varna i would wander off with "bhaiya log". that other girls of my age look smart and innocent and good even of they're fat. and gori ladkiyo ka chehra nhi pink hai, but you have yellowish tone and you never look smart, tumhare andar vo cheez hi nhi. she ended her speech with, "tumhari vajah se maine apne baap ko galat samjha. agar tum jhoote ilzam laga rahi ho to uska anjam dikhega." and then very lightly said, as if she didn't believe it, "aur agar mere baap ne kuch kiya hoga to bhagwan batayenge."
since that day, i haven't been able to look at my family the same way. the love, trust and respect i had for them seems gone. uss din ke baad mummy achhe se baa ki but bhul nhi paa rahi unn words ko. isse pehle bhi aisa bohot kuch boli hain vo jo bura laga tha but ye Dil tod diya. i can't believe my first heartbreak is from my mother itself.
isse pehle bhi she'd questioned my character. mai maanti hu, mai chutiye bachchi thi. nhi samjhti thi kuch. school bus mein achhe bhaiya log mile the to sabko achha samajhti thi and apne age ke logo se ghul mil nhi paati thi. isiliye almost got tricked by a senior jo uss time 11th mein the (i was in 6th, koi dost nhi tha to attention ki bhukhi rehti thi). uske liye mummy branded me as "characterless". I WAS IN SIXTH, NHI PATA THA MUJHE KUCH. phir ek baar humlog kahi gaye the and mummy dusri seat pe chali gayi mujhko leke jbki meri dost pichhe ki seat pe thi. i tried going to her to uss time to mummy bas gusse se dekhi but ghar aake boli ki how im such a bad daughter, achhe ghaf ki ladkiya sirf apne mummy papa ke paas rehti hain but tumko to matakna rehta hai. tumhare jaisi ladkiyo ko characterless rehte hain, kisi ki nhi hoti hain. (this was in class 9th).
ho sakta hai mai apna side leke dekh rahi hu isiliye mai khud ko sahi samajh rahi. but galti kya ki maine ye to koi achhe se explain karo???
recent ye nana wala batane ke baad to bas yahi manati hu roz bhagwan se ki maar daale mujhe. sach nata rahi, jb dekhega na koi sirf meri mummy papa aur bhaiya ko saath mein, to itne perfect lagte hain. and mai manhoos ki yarah aa jaati hu beech mein. (mumma thinks ki mera chehra normal rehne pe mahoos lagta hai, i should be smiling har samay varna apni life barbaad ke dungi aisi shakal bana ke).
marne ka ya relapse krne ka (i used to self harm) roz mann krta hai, but apni best friend aur apne bf ke baare mein sochke ruk jaati hu. sach mein doni pagal pyaar krte hain mujhse. bestfriend ki life already laudi ho rakhi hai, aur nhi pareshan krna, bf ki life mein pehle hi bohot trauma the, ab badhane ka mann nhi. i promised him I'd helo him heal.
ab 15 aur 16 ko cuet hai but padha nhi hai kuch and pata nhi kaise niklega. nikalka bhi zaruri hai varna home life aur fucked up ho jaayegi plus ghar se niklungi to insabme dimag nhi lagega.
samajh nhi aa raha kaise padhu ab, aakhiri din bacha hai, sab kuch padha hai but revise krna hai. idk bhai, higheay sach mein sundar lagne laga hai (srsly)
edit: aaj matashree ko therapy de rahi thi. and pata chala she has shit communication skills and she meant to say ki hopefully ye sab mera vehem hai but boldi kuch aur. and batayi mumma bhaiya bhi bola ho sakta hai vehem ho but he cried when he first heard it. matashree se phir ladi khub ki baat nhi krne aata achhe se ro rahi hu kb se. tumlogo ke comments+ mummy se baat krke jo relief Mila hai na, thankyou yaar. literally verge of suicide se happy kr diye ho.

Context : Depressed dropper with insomnia taking melatonin gets 95.4 in first attempt, falls to 93.6 in second, with his last attempt being 2024, has no hope in himself and no confidence; in all darkness he unleashes anti trauma and starts being hyper optimistic. I could only study for 3 hours on day 1. 5 hrs 15 sth min on day 2. 5 hrs on day 3. 6 hours 7 minutes on day 4. 6hrs 11 min on day 5. 6 hrs 13 min on day 6. 6hrs 23 minutes on day 7. 6hrs 30 min on day 8. 6hr 10 min on day 9. 5 hrs 21 minutes on day 10. 7 hrs 33 min on day 11. 7hrs 3 min on day 12. 4hrs 16 min on day 13. 8hrs 10 min on day 14. 6hrs 8 min on day 15. 8hrs 1 min on day 16.
And.....today I studied for 8hrs 17min. First off, IIT Express of CHEMICAL bonding is absolute dogshit. Sakshi man is a good teacher and the rest of the videos are golden but her chemical bonding is pretty shit. Don't watch it please. I did not really revise definite integrals today. Kabbadi khel ke aa gaya uske sath. Revised rotation and holy fuck😭😭😭 I do not really have conceptual errors but the silly mistakes oh my absolute fucking lord. I CAN solve PYQs(most of the pyqs - source ABJ sir ka session part 2 vaise) par behenchod kaise revise hoga meri ma chud gayi hai. Maths mein cutoff na clear ho de. Chemistry mein madarchod kitna revise karna hai behen ki Lodi physics hui hai fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fukc fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fic ufckbcjskuwhe he bhagwan. New strategy. I am making chemistry my prime subject and aim for roughly 140 Mark's. Give me a day or too and I can absolutely have fuck organic in its ass and I would only need to read a few notes after that. Inorganic ho jayegi qki I have covered basically everything there I just gotta revise and I am revising like one hour of inorganic everyday so in 13 days pretty much sub rat chuka hoga (kafi had tak ho gaya hai). Same cheez merko organic ke sath karna hai. I am targeting 70 Marks in chemistry, 30 Marks in Physics and Maths (matlab basically cutoff par ho jaye). If I just focus on Physics main usko bhi kheench me 50 pe shayad le aun lekin fir that would jeopardize maths an possibly chemistry. I intend to fully hone in and do mock testing to be be sure of this stratagem. In chemistry it is enforceable and in physics to some extent as well(tho it may take 4-5 days for me to actually start mock testing physics) but maths bro.....yahan cutoff clear karne ke lale pade hain. Vector 3d kar liya hai. Definite integration kar hi liya hai(revise karna hai adha is madarchod ko) ab kya karun time hi kitna hai aur Roj madarhcod kuch naya ho ja raha hai. Aaj mehman bula liye and I had to entertain him and he is sleeping with me today snoring as hard as he can. Behenchod 8 ghante se jyada padhna hoga bhai 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I am going to fail and anxiety hits. But I will face the gut punch regardless. I am doing it to learn. I have to never stop working hard. Bros. Working hard is a skill. I have to be skillfully at that. Varna tukke se iit ho bhi gaya to vahan jake muth marna padega bas mehnat nahin chutni chiye to I will keep working hard as fuck. Advanced prep ka momentum I will carry over for iat, then bitsat. Varna lateral entry. Behenchod gate nikal dunga. Gand mar dunga behenchod. Peace out. 2:22 am, 13 may.

Yaaar this is just a vent u dont need to read it mei sabse jhut bol bol ke thak gyi huu ab bus ab sab sach likhna hai akhri baar So meri journey chalu hoti hai 9th se mummy ek din aise hi puchti hai konsi stream legi and i had no idea about it matlab ye sab cheezo ke baare mei pata hi nahi tha never ever cared to know about aage ka, meine kahan pata nahi dekhenge bhai ne bola arts le lena and mummy ne gusse se bola arts nahi legi ki wo option hi nahi hai and i am a very rebellious kid thus fir mei bhi bolne lagi ki haa arts mei kya problem hai blah blah but then 10th end ho gya and mera confusion bohot jyada badh gya i could not choose between sci,comm,arts i just couldnt say ki ye ek cheez karni hai my thinking was ki abhi tk inme se kuch try nahi kiya toh choose kaise karu it was also related to guilt nahi chahiye future mei so bohot bohot socha aur fir mummy ne bola sci safe option agar accha nahi laga to "stream switch" wala bahana diya and i was okay with it kyunki i couldnt choose then waise mujhe maths bohot pasand tha school se hi so 2nd reason mummy ka ye tha, then started 11th mei bohot serious thi ki jo bhi karungi best banungi ussme so isiliye i had decided i will give my 100% if not enough 200%, starting mei achhe se religiously padha marks bhi theek thak the the problem that happened in start was mei chutiya coaching mei chali gyi the problem was with the crowd it was so dumb and not serious, mere marks theek thak the fir bhi meri class mei rank 5-6 thi imagine and ye sirf start mei nahi hua pure do saal yahi hota raha mei gande marks laati thi but fir bhi wo mere peers se better the toh mei delusion mei rahi ki i am also topper jab ki mei nahi thi, 11th saare lecs attend kiya did not even miss a single lec and carefully listened all of them then aaya 12th it kind of gave me reality check ki mei kahi stand nahi karti and i aggressively started solving diff types of books like literally dc pandey hc verma and sbt ke ques karti thi of the same chap but again the problem was saare nahi kar paati thi only some sums i used to do and never did it in time bound manner, still uk what i got selected in the toppers batch i wasnt even a topper T_T it was just relatively i was better than my classmates for eg; mujhe mains wale mock mei 139 aaye the toh baaki ko 120-100 range mei so ofc i was not good but i was just better than others, ab iss toppers batch mei aane ke baad aukat pata chali i was constantly scoring less marks generally i was the 2nd last or last in the list eventually i got removed from it baadme aaya october syllabus was over and i was all set ki revision karungi oct mei and then mocks from nov onwards meine toh test series bhi le liye the allen and fitjee ke, but my procrastination kicked it i stopped studying uske baad classes bhi band ho gye the so puri tareeke se padhai band hogyi thi i mean ek sec bhi padhna chhod diya tha meine mujhe fomo hone laga tha kyunki literally i had given up on living life for 2 years meine padhai ke alawa kuch nahi kiya na movie dekhi na logo se baat ki na khelne gyi na kuch celebrate kiya no functions nothing pura isolate kar diya tha and one day mere friend ne status pe rakha tha ki uska bday hai and i was baffled kyunki mujhe toh yaad tha ki abhi kuch dino/mahino pehele hua tha naa 1 saal kaise hogya and that moment changed me, mujhe kuch jyaaddaaaa hi fomo hone lag gya tha i thought ki mei kya baat karungi logo se ki jab badi ho jaaungi mujhe toh pata hi nahi hoga kya hua inn do saalo mei(tabhi mujhe ye realise ho raha tha ki ye baate itni imp nahi hai but my inner self could not accept it it was enough for her) so meine movies dekhna chalu kar diya literally koi bhi bakwas si movie jo bhi youtube pe available ho kyunki mere pass koi prime ya netflix nahi tha then it was dec mei pura dec fifr movies and yt shorts scroll karte rehe gyi then jan same routine drr hi nhi lag raha tha mujhe idk whyy, kuch ig 3 din bacche the mere 1st attempt ko i started to get scarred i started to revise everything day and night mains ke pehele puri raat soyi nahi revise kar rahi thi and then gave mains got 75%tile and the main thing is nobody knows all this stuff thats happening they think i gave my 100% but the truth is i gave up in the end i didnt try at all in the last, then came the bad news uk what i started to watch porn yaa i am fully wasted person, so backstory i was introduced to porn by my friend in school and i told her i will never watch it and dusre dost ne bola tha ki wo mujhe porn dikha ke rahega and i used to tell him it wil never happen but unfortunately it did happen and the problem with it was it entered in my life at wrong time i was already lonely and miserable and thats why i started watching porn starting mei it wasnt addiction but lately it has started to affect me badly meine mains ke baad naa hi boards ke liye padha naa hi second attempt ke liye and i have not revised since so many months just counted 6 months i have not studied a single thing, i have no college and i have no backup, parents ameer bhi nahi hai naa hi business hai humara i am fucked in life i blame myself for it fully i deserve all the loneliness and isolation i am a toxic person who should not live i cant do one thing properly i cant control myself i cant do anything i dont have any talents but i do have many things that interests me but i have no hope from life currently, was suicidal rn so thought i could vent out all and feel lighter and yes i am feeling lighter idk kya hoga mera but lets see what happens i have alot of dreams which are unrealistic thats why i need to live to complete those, now slowly i am getting back on track although i waste alot of time still of reddit and youtube but still i am now consiously trying to reduce it and study again i need to get a college this year i cant take a drop my mental health wont support that decision of mine sooo peace out byee idk maybe i wont come on reddit after this or probably i will(99.999% i will itna self control built nahi hua hai) There's a lot more to this but i cant type each and every thing but atleast while writing i recalled those things thankss ps: there might be errors but who cares i aint going to read it again neither should u read it

Hlo Everyone So yeh mai apne baare mai bta rha kya mtlab rant hai🥲 So mai kbhi bhi padhai mai aacha nhi tha school mai na hi mujhe man krta tha padhne na hi koi seriousness thi ..fir 9th mai lockdown end hone ke baad seriousness aaya fir aacha se padha lekin sirf science padha aache se..aur sub mai interest nhi tha fir maine socha iit ka prep krunga books mangwa liya lekin pta nhi kaise start kru 9th mai yt pe search kiya mila nhi fir chor diya socha hatao bhencho fir 9th aise hi end hua mere 71 marks aaye out of 80 science mai aur sb mai average.. 10th aaya firse lockdown lg gya khub bakchodi kri padhai chor ke padhta tha lekin bhut kam ..... bgmi khela insta Chalaya ladkiyo ke chakkar mai nhi tha (mtlab tha thora sa) fir term 1 mai padha bhut ache se lekin sirf science 3sample paper khatam krdiye sirf science ke lekin baki subject bss 3 din pehle start kiya term 1 mai 80percent aagye Fir term 1 ke baad bkchodi ki us samay chutiya tha kuch nhi padha boards itne late se hone the phir bhi term 2 ke 20din pehle panic attack aaya bhut ganda wala and sexual compulsive thoughts aane lge bhut gande wale pta chla mujhe ocd hai phir term 2 26th April se hua us mai bhi compulsive thoughts aane lage jab mai exam dene jata aur ghar aata phir boards 18th may ko khatam hogye aur uske baad bgmi khela bhut kyuki mera interest bn gya tha mai socha tha tournament khelunga esports mai jaunga lund kuch nhi hua phir 3rd june ko jb train mai tha other city jane ke liye for 11th tab train mai delete krdiya lekin abhi bhi man krta tha khelu mai utna shi toh nhi khelta tha lekin aacha khel leta tha phir classes start hui toh maths and chemistry mai kuch smjh hi nhi aa rha tha physics aache se aa rha tha mujhe phir maine sir ko bola sir ne bola notes mai dekho fir maine yt pr search kiya mujhe nhi mila Sare jee mains level the us mai pta nhi tha ki jee mains level toh krlu pehle😓 or mohit tyagi sir ka channel ke bare mai bhi nhi pta tha aur kaise taise apna 1st diya 24th july ko 150 aaye usme maths attempt hi nhi kiya tha fir fever hogya uske baad ghar chle gya 10 days jab aaya coaching tb kuch bhi smjh nhi aaya sir log bole notes padho fir kha dikaat hai batao mujhe smjh hi nhi aaya kuch bhi fir yt pe oneshots dekhne lga kyuki detail mai nhi mila fir smjh nhi aaya tha toh frustrate hogya aur kuch nhi padha fir ghar aagya November mai chor ke socha bhi nhi kyu chor rha hun kya kya possible situations aa sakte hai chorne ke baad fir online kiya aur procrastination kiya bhut 12th start mai serious hua fir 15 din baad man hi nhi krta padhne ka push bhi nhi kiya fir oct mai dengue hogya fir november mai socha padhu lekin syllabus zero tha fir soche boards ka padhlete hai kaise taise phy and maths khtam kiye lekin bseb tha toh chud gye 68.6% aaya jan jee mains mai 60percentile the.. April nhi diya Ab drop liya hai ghar aane ke baad kuch nhi kiya insta bhi nhi chalaya naa hi utna movies dekha bss ghar pr hi thaa bss PROCASTINATION kiya boards mai aacha percentage lane ka opportunity tha miss krdiya ab bhut guilt and regret ho rha hai ki mere pass koi academic achievement nhi hai logo ne kitne olympiads phode hai lekin maine kuch bhi nhi kiyaa mujhe ghar nhi aana chaiye tha mai isiliye aaya kyuki backlog bn gya tha aur wha pr homesickness hone lga man nhi lagta tha lekin us samay ye sochta ki padh lete hai yeh 2 saal bhut important hai ab bhut bura lagra drop year mai aache se padhke apne academic records ko aacha krunga
Sorry itne lambe post ke liye agar nhi bhi padh rhe toh koi ni🙏😓🥲

Just realised lamba chavda likh diya- Jinka exam hai kripaya kripaya karke na padhe apni padhai par dhyan de. unless break liya ho.
raat ke 2:15 baj rahe hai. and this thing is stuck in my mind since morning. mene series of bad decisions liye hai. like offcourse not resisting like mujhe engineering nahi karni , iske upar kuch karano wajah se drop lena aur bhi bahot hai, saare padhai related bhi nahi hai lekin sabse ganda drop wala tha. mujhe vet banna tha ik its yuck for some people lekin, dheere dheere i understood its the same shit as JEE tough ahhh competition everywhere. not for me. mein drawing mein bhi kaafi accha hu, mujhe banna tha ek architect, gharwalon ko lagta hai architecture is useless bruh like actual architect banne ka sapna hai mera, chalo sahi yeh nahi toh nahi commerce? NEIN Lmao
Drop year ke shuruvaat mein he mujhe malum tha nahi hone wala mujhse yeh :) jihne real interest hai IIT NIT's mein jaane ka woh tak reh jaate hai peeche. mene toh sapne bhi nahi dekhe inke lmao kyuki karni he nahi thi eng.
ab anyways drop lene ko keh diya, PCM mein daal diya, Coaching mein daal diya. itna sab kara toh karna padega hem mujhse hua nahi kuch :) 70 percentile aayi last year iss baar 70 aur second pucho na toh sahi. Though mene try kara JEE maths accha karne ka kyuki B.arch ka paper bhi dene wala tha diya bhi. Did good in drawing but idk I fucked up maths sincerely.
mere parents mujhe kitna bhi ganda score aa jaaye kuch na kehte literally. Reason is they tried for few exams and failed back in their times. and yeh jo kuch nahi kehne wala part hai it hurts more then anything. Gaali dedo toh bhi chal jayega, silence is really loud ff's
Ab mujhe really nahi pata mujhe kya karna chahiye like koi carrier switch bhi possible nahi hai. Engineering is the way now, mera cet 11 ko hai. I don't know mein kya he karunga. Pura burn out ho chukaa hu. upar se mental health ke jo actual dragonized lode lage pade hai woh different. Pata nahi kitne number aayenge ya kya, I gave mocks scored decentish or even bad for few but its relative (90-110 never more then this and less then 90). mene mera part kara sahi se sahi - Chem and maths ke 22,23 pyqs kare saare ke saare physics reh gaya though lekin koi ni gand maraye. even if i fail to score good i won't feel shit bas decent sa score aa jaye bas like 90-94 ke beech mein khushhh aaye aaye nahi aaye nahi aaye. mujhe cse bhi nahi chahiye- abhi ke liye only mechanical interest me a little kyuki mene curriculum dekha uska (mere ke cousin se pata chala sab kuch) and this is the only thing that interests me.
But life is straight up fucked. nahi mila accha percentile toh yaha local mein CSE ya entc se kaam chalana padega since there is no point in spening ONE SEXTILLION DOLLARS on a tier 55 college. Abhi ke liye i will have to stick to engineeing kyuki yahi plate pe khana dalega aage masters wagera bhi karunga since abhi toh chud gaya huuu :).
Drop na liya hota* toh aaj dost jo yahi local college mein hai unke saath admission le leta, toh i would have been much more happier atleast. khudke interest explore karta, drawing banani aati i would have worked on acrylic painting, portraits yeh woh. yeh saal jo mental health ko chot pahuchi hai that is ahhhhhhhh i don't even know what to say. Interest nahi bacha kisi mein, chalta firta laash hu bas lol.
Laptop leke balcony mein baitha hu garmi ki wajah se, planes revise kar raha tha, suddenly yeh dimag mein explodeee jaisa kar gaya ab type kar raha, Subah se su!cdeee contemplate kar raha, ro raha hu literally idk what have i even become its not academic thing lmao, gand maraye result gand maraye sab kuch 50 percentile bhi aa jaye toh i will not feel sad, kyuki kari hai mene mehnat. maths pura ragad diya chem pura ragad diya with pyqs, lack of revision is gonna fuck me prolly lekin abhi ke liye fuck it. lekin depression kaccha chaba jaa raha. na kisi mein interest hai na kuch. my mind is playing both teams- ek kehta hai pagal hai kya bsdk ? jindagi bahot choti hai, yeh sab mat soch ek kehta hai mar ja bhai life toh waise bhi suffering hai. I am damn sure i will not KMS lmao, because i am a pussy to do so and i have constant hope of things will get better. bahot dino se i didn't see anything get better isi wajah se thoda kam ho raha ispe bhi bharosa lekin again i hope things will get better :))))))
am not bluffing on depression part- actually diagnosed hu moderately depressed, many personal reasons led to this.
JO BHI DROP LENE KA SOCH RAHE HAI PLEASE I REQUEST YOU- PEHLE KHUDKO PARKHO, TUMHARI MENTAL HEALTH KAISI HAI YEH DEKHO DON'T BE STUPID AND TAKE DROP AGAR TUM ALREADY DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS HO. IT'S A FRESH START FROM BASICS- LEKIN JUST LOOK BACK AT YOURSELF 2 YEARS AGO AND SOCHO KAHA GALAT GAYA MEIN ? MUJHE SAMAJH MEIN TOH SAB AATA THA GALAT KAHA GAYA? IT MIGHT BE LIKE PROBLEM SOLVING KAM KARI YEH WOH. LEKIN AGAR LAGE- YOU TRIED YOUR BESTT I MEAN BESST AND STILL FAILED, YOU CAN GO FOR DROP THOUGH, KEH RAHA TRIED YOUR BEST. (mIGHT KEH RAHA). SOCH SAMAJH KE LIYO DROP PLEASEEE AUR LIYA TOH KOI KASAR NA CHHODO WARNA, EK SAAL BAAD JAB TUMHARA EXAM HOTA JEE NEET CET KOI BHI USKE 3 DIN PEHLE TUM AISA RANT TYPE KAROGE 😭

Btw jin jin ne last post dekha tha, unko bohot bada thank you, akela pan me pta nhi kya kya hojata hai🤣 Worry not, mental health kya hota hai ye toh pata nhi, lekin serious extreme steps lene ki himmat nhi hai, sirf thoda bohot karta hu kbhi kbhi(idhar bhi sirf cutoff clear kiya🤣🤣🤣🤣)
Meri harr roz subeh se leke raat tak non-stop gand fati rehti hai(nhi bhai diarrhea nhi hai🤣) kuch soch nhi paata hu, sirf college, future aur mocks dikhta hai(VIT>>>>>MIT and BITS isiliye MIT ka toh exam hi nhi likhne diya)🤣din ke teen baar hilata hu koi feeling nhi aati lekin temporary shaanti aajati hai, ab toh 3-4 din me ek baar nahata hu din bhar baith ke ya toh paper, ya questions ya overthinking me reh jata hu🤣 3-4 din se ho rha hai(overthinking)🤣koi shows/series/anime nhi dekh rha, sirf thoda reddit pe bakchodi(mai toot gaya toh kya hua, atleast dusre ko toh motivate kardu)
Actually maine jhoot bola, mai wo mathongo ke adv analysis baar baar dekh rha hu🤣🤣🤣abhi tak shayad 18-20 baar dekh chuka hunga(mains ke baad se)(2x par ab toh attention span jaye bhad me)🤣🤣🤣sir ka 'toh baithe kyu ho, jao padho' 'it's not too late' 'jinka mains ke result ke wajah se flow toot gaya tha, wapas track par aiye' sunn ke better lagta hai(dekho iss bkl ko dialogues tak ratt gye, itna effort ioc me laga deta na bc)
Kal ek mock diya tha🤣physics ke baad ab non-virgin reh gaya(ye wave optics kya hota hai /s)🤣physical chemistry abhi tak acchi nhi kari(karlunga, kya matlab 18 din bache hai🥰) baki sab abhi bhi preparation stage me rahega exam tak, kyuki topic ka perfection kuch nhi hota, questions humesha aur bhi tricky difficult kare jaa sakte hai

Beginner, need help !! JEE went bad, Will join tier 3 college...
So, this is my first post on reddit. My JEE went very bad and now I will join a tier3 college through UPTAC counselling.Last year, college started around mid October so i have 5 months from now. Maine kaafi saare roadmaps dekhe aur kuch terms samjhe jaise ki full stack dev, devops, software engineer hota kya hai aur mujhe kya aisa kya karna hai jisse ki mera career JEE ki tarah na ban jaye 🥲( btw I am very sad ).
So I am completely placement driven aur abhi maine jitni videos dekhi hain usse yhi lagta hai ki this should be my ideal initial roadmap :- 1) C/C++ with DSA 2) Web development( Frontend and Backend both) 3) Projects 4)Open source contrib. 5) Internships 6)Lots of practice
And yeah ,50 lpa placement 🤡🤡 just joking 1.2 CPA 🌝🌝
To please aap sabhi se meri ye request hai ki mujhe kuch suggestions dijiye aur mere kuch silly questions ka answers dijiye coz i dont want to do any mistakes in my Software engineer journey
1)JEE ki tarah isme bhi notes banane hote hain kya 🤡 Jaise agar main C/C++ seekh rha hun to uske notes ya fir DSA ke ya fir Web development ke ya koi online course or youtube se koi lecture dekhte hain to uske notes?
2)Leetcode,codechefs aur ye jitne bhi platforms hain ye sab kab use karne hote hain aur isme log karte kya hain 🤡
3)To maine abhi tak jo youtubers or mentors dekhe unme se mujhe ye 3 ache lage :- a)Harkirat Singh b)Codewithharry c)Shraddha Khapra
So,Initially mujhe lag rha hai ki main Shraddha Khapra (Apna college ) ka C/C++ and DSA wala course lekar start karu aur college se pehle khatm karke achi khaasi practice karlu (Mujhe bas ye pata laga h ki DSA ki practice karni h, but wo h kya aur usko practice kab , kitna aur kaise karna h ye nhi pata 🤡🙏🙏)
Kal maine Harkirat Singh ki kuch videos dekhi aur fir unka course dekha.To usme kuch advance cheeze dikhi ...yeah atleast yahan to kuch adv. level karu JEE adv to ho nhi paaya 😭😭 , well to ,mujhe ye doubt aaya ki ye course log lete kab hain ...like Jo student just college ke first year mein jaane wale hain , wo lete hain ya 2nd year , ya 3rd year...ya fir koi specific skills aur understanding build karne ke baad?
Aur unke course mein Devops , open source contrib. , MERN ...ye sab likha hai aur Full stack likhs hai to agar main course leke seedha dekhne lagu to kuch hoga 🤡 aur fir usse aage kya hoga...like DSA aur koi coding language?
Questions to bahut se hain jo ki obviously ek fresher ko honge, but I just want to know ki mujhe initially kya karna chahiye... 🫡🫡

My first post here, This will just be a rant,when i was in 10th standard,i had a keen interest in biology and I really like studying biology alot more than the other subjects present at the time being,which eventually led me to select pcb as the stream I could take. I was more on the artsy side as a child and everything I wanted to do was only that. There was an intense pressure by my family ki Lena hai to sirf science hi lesakte warna hamlog tujhe kuch karne nai denge aur tu gharpe nai rahega and whatsoever Papa ji pcs officer hai to inko lagta Inka beta genius hai,chutki me neet nikal lega 11th ki starting thi aur josh tha ki neet hi karlete hai (i never liked the profession to become a doctor,and I still don't want to be) I continuously conversated with my mother ki kaise mujhe doctor banne ka koi interest nai hai,and mai biology sirf uske keen interest me padhta,sort of uski research wagera karni agar usko pursue karna,there wasn't anything else I liked in science in the end,sapna nai tha to nai tha yar To bhi i tried my best and i was doing good in mocks and still in 11th and the starting of 12th i was doing fine,but ultimately I just started hating all of it,and nothing really made sense to me,one day I went to a hospital and saw doctors and everyone working and i instantly realised I don't want to be this,I can't do this and i never wished to Abtak aimlessly jaaraha tha and ab mujhe nai karna tha I started searching about design exams and usse related cheezein,as mujhe usme boht passionate feel hota tha and i told mom about it and she started to resent me Dad ko bataya to he started to verbally abuse me and said ki agar kuch aur karne ka socha bhi to gala kaat denge,and whatsoever Mummy boli bhatak raha hu,and kaise mai bas ek failure rehjaunga,I told her about UCEED,NID wagerah and how it is fine and mere interest ka hai
But as per mere papa ki ego hai,wo mujhe kuch aur nai karne denge Mummy peeche peeche to bolti thi ki jo karna hai Karo,but ultimately papa ke saamne she took his side and left me isolated and alone And now I'm here,giving my first attempt I got depressed and very very mentally tough in last year ke October,i left eating and sleeping ekdum Gym wagera jaata tha and padhta tha,dono chohr diya tha I lost 15 kilos of weight and my mother still didn't understand ki mai mentally sahi nai feel kar raha and i don't want to do this Mera baap to mere paer wagera pakadne laga hai neet karne ke liye,and told me ki 11-12th ke school ka hi syllabus aata,gand kyu phat rahi Teri saale Samjhane gaya to ignore kardiye,for more information dad doesn't live with us He comes here once a week as per his job Now he's retired and stuff so saara hukhm jhaad rahe hai and everything,and i really hate it Birthday gifts bhi dete to usme bhi compromise karte Now I'm here,and mocks me 100-200, bhi nai ban rahe And parents to soch rae bete ko sahi raaste pe laa Diya sapne todke uske bhatak raha tha waise bhi I am so lost,nai hoga to he'll make me take a drop Ek baar,do baar teen baar 10 saal mbbs karo,phir zyada gand marani to upsc bhi dedo Suicide cases ke baare me baap hasta hai,mazak banata Aur ma bolti ki sab bacche chutiye hote Jo karlete Mai apni mental health ki baat karta to shaant kardete and blame kardete sab mujhpe Ab to I just don't even blame them We're just incompatible,i never could become the child they wanted And i never got the support and actual care which I maybe wanted I seldomly think that I don't deserve it ab,all I've done for them is not even enough There's enough convincing You can't convince someone who already knows what he'll say when i shut up
I'm just waiting for it all to be over,i sort of want ki sab khatam hojaye ab It's very,very frustrating living here Bhaiya wanted to be an artist,forcefully neet ki padhai karwai Nai kiya to bsc karwadi same city me ki kahi aur city me jaake maze na karpaye,yahi rehjaye Music artist banna chahta tha,koi support nai Mila usse bhi
Mujhe bhi lagta sab aise hi ghutke khatam hojaega yaha pe bhi mere liye Boht rant hogaya

yrr is year maine ky Kia h mujhe khud nhi pta.syllabus half complete h revision dhang se hua nhi h maine online coaching ki thi aur yhi meri sbse bdi galti thi khud ko jante hue ki mujhme self discipline zero h .apni aisi pathetic situation dekh k mujhe khud pr nhi sirf apne mummy papa pe taras aa rha h ki vo abhi bhi mere liye itna kr rhe h. maine online coaching ki thi regular classes bhi leti thi but vhi meri laziness aur ghanghor procrastination k chalte meri ye halat Hui h. last tym papa ne bola tha iss saal to ho jayega na ab is baar to vo mujhse kuch puch bhi nhi rhe kyuki unhone number dekh liye h mere offline test vale idea to unhe bhi h ki is baar bhi nhi hoga pr keh kuch nhi rhe .mera bday bhi issi month pdta h vo to even mere liye gifts bhi plan kr rhe h pr ky m ye sb deserve krti hu? I don't think so maine Jo Kia h unke saath uske baad to bilkul bhi nhi . maine pichle poore saal sirf jhoot bola h khud se apne parents se sirf jhooti ummeede di h unhe sacchai to ye h ki meri aukat hi nhi h neet crack krne ki kyuki mehnat to mujhse hoti nhi h poore saal maine bs procrastination Kia to result to uska mujhe milega hi ab kl ky hoga mujhe nhi pta. mujhe to even paper ki tension bhi nhi h bs mujhe is baat ki tension h ki uske baad m apne mummy papa ko kaise face krungi kya bolungi unse ki iss baar bhi nhi hua? Ek baar fir se unhe sharminda m nhi kr skti. I'm the worst daughter they could ever have maine ajtk unke liye kuch nhi Kia hmesha se vo hi mere liye krte aaye abhi bhi kr rhe h even now meri mumma market gyi h mere liye saaman lane . ab nhi kaha jata mujhse ki mujhe ye chhiye ye dilado I just cannot ander se itni guilt aati h. Ab fir se vhi nautanki result aayega relatives k phone aayege result puchenge ky bolenge mere parents ky btayege unhe ki I'm such a disgrace. Such btau to I'm good at nothing absolutely nothing. I'm perfect example of dharti pe bhoj . Mera to ab kl paper Dena ka bhi nhi h m chahti hu bs kl kuch ho Jaye mujhe I know ye bht coward sound krr rha h but mere MN me subah se yhi chl rh h ki kaash ppr vale din ya result vale din kuch ho Jaye mujhe so I would not have to face my parents. M hu nhi s*cide type ki aur na m Aisa kuch krne Vali hu I Just don't want to be failure. Failure my biggest fear tb lgta h mujhe Aisa jb m apne baki classmates ko dekhti hu dekhti hu vo kitne aage bdh gye h apni life m vo bhi Jo mujhse peeche hua krte the aur m I'm stuck here alone.....

its going to be long i dont know what i am gonna write . i will be writing whatever is in my mind while listening to the songS..
so, the story begins after i got 90 percent in class 10 i know its classic . then family wanted me to become doctor . so got admission in AAKASH . studies where going good till october or november got distracted scrolled quora , youtube. par control me agya thoda at the end of 11th . aise krte krte 12 agya aur socha bhai ab comeback karenge par par ..
bhagwaan ke kuch aur plan the April 5 , 2022 ko body pain aur bukhaar aya(103-104) aur spine pain 1 mahine ke lie . 3 doctor ko dikhaya toh last me pata chla ki meri lag gyi . spine me TB hogayi phir kya medication challni thi 1.5 saal aur 6 months ke lie bed rest . aur voh period mental aur physical health ki chud gyi like sab school me sab last year enjoy kr rhe koi khi jaa rha mai yhi bencho bed pe leeta hu dhin bhar dawa khata rehta hu . toh is sab ko escape karne ke lie dhin bhar movie , anime , reddit , youtube chalata tha , kaash pehle se pata hota ki yeh kya effect dalega mere future pe aur mai addict aur distracted ho jaunga . phir aisa chalta rha condition acchi ho rhi thi . thoda accha improvement hua toh doctor ne bola ab school jaa skta pr sirf 1 ghnta baith skta phir rest krna . yeh kho school accha tha toh infirmary tha toh vha rest krta tha . isi period meri best friend ne propose kiya aur voh gf bhi ban gyi . toh 12 september , 2022 ko pehli baar school gya bed rest ke baad . phir bkl ne khud bola ki mujhse nhi ho rha 1-2 mahine baad . toh us chiz ne bhi aur mental fuckup kr diya . aur insaab me meri internet addiction badh rhi . phir kya jaise kaise boards diye khuch nhi padha shi se aur 78 percent bane . phir NEET DIYA USME 92/720 bane. ha ha bohot gande haii ..
1 drop
sab soch rakha tha ki haa aise aise padhunga aur starting me padha bhi par voh period ki vjh se jo internet addiction bani voh chuti nhi aur din par din haavi hoti rhi . it started eating me and making me hollow , so hollow that i am writing this post . toh maine saari kosish ki apne aap ko improve karne ki par ni kr paa rha . har baar bhencho haar jata hu khudse voh guilt still haunt me . 2-3 baar suicide krne ka bhi socha pr kabhi himmat nhi hui yeh aata tha man me mai aise nhi mar skta apne aap se haar ke nhi mar skta aur meri life meri nhi hai kyunki marne ke baad mere mummy papa ko trauma aur sadness jhelna padega ( i am not suicidal , abhi kaafi aage jana hai starting line pe kaise haar maan lu ) . is saal bhi distraction sab me nikal gya mujhe pata hai mai chutiya hu aur sympathy nhi deserve krta aur na chahiye . is saal bhi 300-350 ke approx expected hai ..aur ab toh padhne ka bhi man nhi kr rha . ab toh roo bhi nhi skta i wanna cry cry hard par nhi kr paata i wanna forgive myself for all my mistakes and move on and live life worth living not life controlled by my urges . mujhe apne aap ko improve aur better karna hai .
soch rakha hai dusra drop lunga par phir man me aata ki is baar bhi haar gya toh .. kya hoga kya bolunga mummy papa ko ... pr yeh.. bhi aata ki bina apna best diye kaise tu give kar skta kya tu apni urges se haar jayega kya tu itna kamjoor hai ..at the end i know i fucked up and take responsibility and it was my duty to study .
thinking of posting daily on this subreddit after NEET 2024 till NEET 2025 about daily target completed and how much i studied i will help in maintaining consistency .