First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

Idk if this belongs here. If there's a more suitable page, please let me know.
Basically, nothing I ever do is enough. I babysit my sister 3 days a week, from 8am to 8pm. She in herself is another whole issue, but that's due to my mother's coddling, no doubt. During this time, I need to get my sister ready for school, drop her off, pick her up, do a variety of chores (dishwasher is all that she says, but she complains if the floors arent clean and the washing is piled up, so basically i try to do every possibke chore), make dinner for everyone, and feed our outdoor pet.
I don't mind this. My mum works hard. But when she comes home she complains about EVERYTHING. If my sister made a mess of something and I hadn't noticed it, if my sister touched the walls with greasy hands, if my shoes were in front of the door after I went out to feed the pet that her and my little sister got before i even knew. Like nothing is good enough. She's constantly bitching about my sisters, which makes me anxious to do the same. When I'm around her I don't dare grab a coke, snack, or make pasta, because she's constantly dogging on them for this.
One of the worst parts is how she claims she's blunt but everything feels passive aggressive. She will address it to my little sister like "Oh what have I told you about doing this, where's your this, hope you haven't been on that TV all day, what did you eat, oh baby let me go get you another drink." Her tone just screams that she's talking to me. Like, I'm sorry your kid is a literal demon. Idk what happened after I left for university, but my sister was lovely and silly, and she adored me, used to want to be me, and now she's horrifying. "If you don't do this, I'll tell Mum lies about you. If you don't, then you'll ruin my childhood, I love mum and my other sisters more than you."
Besides, nothing is good enough for my mother, I'm perfect. On social media, I'm the best daughter, I'm so smart, and she's so proud, and I'm so beautiful. She wonders why I have no self-worth? Because I've never heard those things to my face. I hear her tell me I have a good figure, but never without hearing, "You don't want to be like your sister. She's too skinny." Oh, I have a nice face? Only because my sister is so punchable.
She reminds me every day that she's a great mother. I'll say well you can be a bit this or that, and she has an excuse for everything." Why you do it doesn't matter. If it hurts, it hurts. What's the point in parenting if the child doesn't find it effective.
I recently told her I think I might have something not quite right with me. A lot of people (mostly AuDHD) say they think I'm autistic or have adhd, and I've thought that for a long time. I have a lot of issues, I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a mixture of many of them that just seems like autism or adhd. Basically, my mother said it's a trend right now and an excuse to be lazy. It was really giving "were all depressed, just stop being a lazy victim" vibes. She also told me I was too normal as a child and refutes all the instances of me being strange. Like when I had a no talking phase, when I told all my friends I didn't like them because they were too hard to talk to, when I cried to my mum basically explaining alexithymia to her because I didn't feel the emotions I expressed, all my various sensory issues I still have to this day that she said we're typical kid behaviour. It's all only gotten worse from there. I feel completely not normal, like I can't explain it. I also have a lot of issues with sounding monotone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm "dropping the act." From a young age, I've always been told off about my tone. If I'm angry, I better not sound it, if I'm sad, if I'm pissed off. I'm always lectured about my tone, but she sounds like she's making passive-aggressive jabs at me all the time, and that's fine.
There's so much more, like so much more. A lot of things she would say never happened. Like how she let my abusive bf take drugs to a holiday and kind of peer pressuring me to do them (I got SAd while I was sleeping that night by him). She said the whole time she didn't like him but didn't tell me in case I got upset. Or that time when I was getting pressured by my bf at 13, and she thought something was going on and just told me if I'm going to do anything I should just ask her for condoms instead of being an idiot. Reading this back, holy shit. One time she was crying and I went to give her a hug and she shooed me away and told me to leave her alone, and then seconds later my sisters aunt did the same thing and she broke down to her even more and hugging her. I was her emotional support child, btw, so obviously, this crushed me as that felt like my only value to her.
But yeah, there's so much idk how to even get into it all. So it probably doesn't seem so bad because this is probably typical parent behaviour. Also, yes, she is a single mother, and I'm grateful, but she has never said sorry to me. Never. It's always sorry you feel that way, but you're dramatic, victimising yourself, lazy, you'll thank me later. Like, no, I won't. Later you'll be estranged. She also has it in my head that no man is good. She keeps warning me of my bf, who yes is a pos sometimes, but better than a druggy rpist? I'd fricking say so, yeah. I tried to OD after breaking up with him. She doesn't even know because if I told her, she'd say I'm stupid and selfish. She also gets annoyed when I unblock my bf (as I broke up with him) to work things out. We're in a hard place, and I'm having complex emotions, and she just wants me to block him and spend time with family and study well. Like, let me grieve, jeez. She also tells me him mother is a psycho jealous bitch and his dad is a pdo. Like excuse me? You met them once, and know nothing about them.
I'm just writing this because I woke up to her complaining about a single cup and some pans that were left out last night (since the dishwasher was on) and saying how it's unfair as she wakes up early and has to deal with it. Why didn't you deal with it by cleaning it if it bothered you? Instead you wait till people are awake to criticise it and make them feel bad. Like we always do the dishwasher, that's one of my babysitting chores. Just ask me to do it nicely when I wake up, why all the backhanded comments and sparky remarks? Just communicate, you're 45, get a grip. She feigns perfection constantly and paints us as a perfect family when one child has cptsd, one has anxiety, I got a shit tonne of issues, and my little sister is an absolute entitled brat who will cry and scream and threaten if not given her way. Literally my sister said she would tell lies about me because I told her to wipe her own ass because I had chores to do (she's 8) and she said my mother would do it and that's why she doesn't love me. I want out of this house, but my mum will fault me for not babysitting as it costs money, and I do it for free.
Ask any questions you'd like. I understand there's not much to go off of, I'm happy to elaborate as I really need to vent I can't lie.

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OddDot5178 in AITAH
trigger warnings: possible transphobia, possible mental health issues, manipulation
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NOTE: Because everyone will wonder, I am addressing this right now. While OOP's child identifies as non-binary, she uses "she/her" pronouns and presents as a female. This is why OOP refers to her as her daughter.

AITAH For Not Wanting To Raise My NB Daughter's Baby? - Feb 7, 2024
My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. Like, some days she would feel more male than female and some days she would feel like neither. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.
I told her that wasn’t going to fly. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on LJ (Livejournal) during the ol’ ‘bun-self’ and ‘zen-self’ ‘zir-self’ days. People who think this is new to this generation are fooling themselves. I told her that I would call her the pronoun she wanted, and do my best to remember it day to day, but she was going to have to tell me what she wanted for that day. I wasn’t going to play a daily guessing game.
This went on for about a week or two until she finally seemed to grow tired or bored and just said I could call her ‘her’. Though she still identifies as non-binary. Fine. (At least when it was going on she wanted ‘she, he, or they’ — I’m sorry but I couldn’t have done fox-self/fox-them with a straight face).
So that’s the pronoun story and looking back where I think things started to go off the handle. Here’s my real question.
My daughter is now 18, pregnant, and seems to have lost her god damned mind. Or I’m an asshole. You choose.
This year has been a struggle. She wanted to take a break year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. (My child looks/acts/dresses exactly as a young adult female btw. When I ask how people are being phobic against her, she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.). She’s been through 4 or 5 jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face to face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.
She’s been unemployed since Thanksgiving (she quit her last job on Black Friday, in fact) and I was on the verge of laying down the law, telling her she either needs to go to school this upcoming semester full time or get a full time job or move out with her friends.
But now she’s come to me and she’s 5 months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because:

• I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me 2 years ago.
• She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. (The pill.). She’s been throwing her prescription away.

This is where I might be the asshole. I called her a little idiot. We don’t use that sort of language in my house, and I never call people names — especially my own child — but at that moment I could just see red.
The hormone thing is a non-issue IMO because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?
As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’m hearing anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it. She has her own medical card, even! Though to be fair, I don’t know how she would have managed the co-pay without a job. I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.
It gets worse.
We’re way past the date of abortion (again, I would have helped her if this had been her wish! We live in an abortion protected state and can afford it!). She’s known she was pregnant since about 2 months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling. She expects me to raise it like it was mine. That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child.
You can say my language grew … sterner to versions of ‘Get your head out of your ass’ and ‘Congratulations, mommy, you have some hard decisions to make’, and I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.
She also refused to say who the father was. Now that I’ve cooled down, I’m really hoping she has a secret boyfriend. She does have some friends who were born male, but now also don’t identify that way. We didn’t even get there as I lost my mind when she said she thinks of her own baby as a sibling and wants me to raise it like my own child.
She’s locked herself in her room loudly wailing, I feel like crap warmed over. She’s been in there for 12 hours, and as she has an attached bathroom, probably won’t be coming out until she gets hungry. Considering it’s been half a day I think she has snacks stored.
I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, but … I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.
So I need to know from people who aren’t emotionally involved, and maybe some people who are more in tune with this whole nonbinary thing than I am.
What do I do to help while also making her responsible for her own child? How can I help my daughter accept she must do basically the most feminine thing you can do (give birth and possibly breast-feed) while being sensitive that she’s non-binary? Am I just a big asshole here?
Typing all this out it feels like my daughter is lost in crazy town. I'm still not raising her baby but at what point do I drag a legal adult to the hospital?
Edit: You might disagree with my choices or wording, but I'm reporting people who call this bait. It's not.
Edit2: It's the middle of the night and she has decided to pack some of her clothes and stay with one of her friends. (One who I suspect is the baby daddy). Before she left she told me that she already called the police and let them know that she was 'leaving of her own free will and was not in danger'. Like I was going to report an 18 year old adult as a runaway or something? It was insulting.
I told her she needs to work out details if she wants to adopt with the father, and she was welcome back home when she had a plan in place.
It was short because I heard her on the way out. I think she just meant to leave without saying anything.
Thank you for your kind comments and advice, Reddit. I'm going to sleep.
Commenters agreed that OOP's child wasn't thinking straight:
Comment 1:
NTA.
I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope OP's daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption, because she's a confused hot ass mess. I don't blame OP for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.
Comment 2:
Let’s be honest: If OP says yes to raising this child as her own, it will be the first of several. Daughter won’t take BC, so she will continue to have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She decided a couple years ago that she’s NB, expected her mother to understand that and know everything about it, and is now rewriting history to blame her mom for her now being pregnant. My head is swimming, and she’s not my daughter! There will be more babies.
Comment 3:
NB here OP.
You are SO NTA. I feel sympathy for your kid because they sound like they are so confused, maybe have body dysphoria and are now facing a life altering situation with no way out. They must feel so trapped. So they turn on you. It's easier for them to yell at and blame you instead of accepting responsibility. They are looking for a way out. We all keep changing and growing and your kid is SO young they seem to not know who they are yet and now they have to face looking after a baby when they know deep down they can't even really take care of themselves.
But my GOD the thing they did that was really stupid was chucking BC away. That is actually wild. Your kid needs to learn the difference between gender enforced stereotypes and actual biology. With biology it unfortunately doesn't matter what gender you are, the biology doesn't care, it still works the same. They NEED to learn that and differentiate.
Like I said, NTA OP. What a shit situation. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Comment 4:
NTA, your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.
OOP's response:
Ugh, I wish I had those words when she hit me with that one. I sort of sputtered for a few minutes.
Comment 5:
Oh man, this is a can of worms within itself.
I wish I had better advice but just...I feel for you and the position you are stuck in.
The ONLY thing I can think of is, referring to breast feeding as "chest feeding" might make your NB daughter accept it more.
But like...there's a whole other level of things you need to get through first.
First and foremost, therapy, ASAP for your kid. Because she needs to get her head sorted out. Assuming you will just take this kid and raise it for her is...problematic to say the least. And she's got a deadline coming obviously, so therapy ASAP.
Also appointment for pregnancy checkups asap!! Has she had any? An unmonitored pregnancy can lead to complications
You might also be able to get her a social worker to go through pregnancy checkups, birthing extra.
Your kid needs a big sit down conversation about accountability for your own actions. And about how she might feel like part of YOUR actions lead to this, there was also many many choices she could have made to prevent this, that she chose not too. And at the end of the day, it was HER choices that led to this, not you.
OOP's response:
Thanks for this tip. I've written it down. The reason I mentioned she was NB because using 'breast' instead of 'chest' is the exact type of thing to send her into a pissy-fit when she's in the wrong mood. I know this may sound like a little thing, but she's always been... well, dramatic.
Because it's the internet and things are anonymous I'll admit that I am absolutely dreading pregnancy and afterbirth mood swings. Especially since it will all involve very womanly things in every intimate way. On top of the sheer stress of a newborn? Yes, I'm not looking forward to it at all and am already preparing to endure the storms.
Our conversation wasn't productive (it was an argument and she's still not out of her room) but I don't think she has had any prenatal care. That will change if I have anything to do with it.
Thanks again.
OOP commented with some of her concerns:
Yes. My worry and regret have so many places to go and a big part of it is for the baby.
This has been a bad day. :(
Responding to a comment regarding her child's entitled attitude:
Oh believe you me I have been kicking myself up and down on top of everything else. I don't know how she got to this point, but she's there now.
I wish I did have that time travel machine she clearly expects me to have.
She also clarified her overall views on the matter:
I'm on the fence. If she acted at all like she didn't have a gender (I believe that's what NB is) then I could take it more seriously. But she dresses as a woman. She puts on makeup, wears dresses during the summer, enjoys feminine things? We watch horse videos on youtube and squeal over the new foal videos. She's never been a tom boy, even.
But I was like, okay this isn't hurting her. I'll let her have this and express herself. Maybe it'll turn into something, maybe it won't. And after the first few weeks, she even dropped changing pronouns every day.
Her mentioning being NB faded and then started up hard again when high school ended and she started working retail.
I try to be understanding. Retail is hell and I'd personally only work it again if I was at my last resort. But recently it does seem to be an excuse not to work. And now she has a baby on the way.
This may not be the place for it, but I'm just worried she's regressing to a more child-like state. I don't know if she's struggling with being NB or if she's using NB as an excuse to shield herself from the world. Ugh. I guess the internet won't know, but I'm just flat out worried.
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AITAH has no consensus bot but the comments were largely NTA.
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Update: My NB Daughter Wants Me To Raise Her Baby - Feb 17, 2024
Hi,
This is an update to this post (Long story short my 18 year old NB daughter wanted me to raise her baby, and she told me she thinks the baby as her sibling. We had a blow-out, she locked herself in her room for most of a day, and then took off with her friends/her lover)
So this happened a few days ago but I didn’t update because I needed to get my head around it. It still doesn’t make sense.
Daughter finally unblocked me. She and the person who got her pregnant wanted to talk to me at a public place. We chose iHop.
Although I suspected I knew who her lover was, I was disappointed to find out because they have been a part of my daughter’s friend group since high school and was the only one I ever had a problem with and kicked out of my house.
They are trans now but two years ago the friend group was watching a movie in the living room, and every time I’d pass by, he (he was a he then) would lock eyes with me and make really obnoxious, loud, orgasm sounds like that scene in Harry Met Sally. I told him to knock it off and grew sterner when he did it again.
Then when I was in the kitchen, he somehow snuck up behind me and was miming jack-off movements with his hand. I turned around and caught him at it. He was still fully clothed, but it was startling and freaky. I kicked him out.
So now I’ll just call them Sperm-donor because that’s what they are.
I’m still calling my daughter ‘my daughter’ and ‘she’ because I still haven’t been told not to by her otherwise. So get off my case on that.
Anyway, the iHop meeting was a shit-show. Sperm-donor sat with my daughter and went on the attack. Sperm-donor’s points were:

• I was poisoning my daughter by “making” her take birth control. (I only helped her get the prescription and would have done everything I could if I knew she didn’t want to take the pill. There are other methods!)
• It will take years to “fix” my daughter after all I did. (Not giving her hormones even though I had no idea that was what she wanted. She dropped even wanting to change her pronouns after a few weeks.)
• Abortion is a sin and I am a monster for suggesting it. (It’s past the date anyway.)
• I am further abusing her by not taking care of the baby while she fixes herself. (I guess they meant it as a temp situation which was also new to me.)

So apparently even though I’m an abusive monster, a bad mother, and so on, I’m even worse for not taking in their baby. At least no one suggested that I raise it like my daughter’s sister anymore. That might have been my daughter’s thought on it.
Sperm-donor did most of the talking while my daughter just sat and glared at me, nodding along.
It was kind of a whirlwind, Sperm-donor pounded the table a few times, and even the waiter knew not to bother us after drinks, lol. I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave.
There was a lot said, mostly by the sperm-donor who really seemed to be steering the ship. I asked why sperm-donor couldn’t take care of the baby and sperm-donor said their parents were even worse than me. I guess my daughter and sperm-donor taking care of the child they created is out of the question.
I told them that I would not be raising their baby for them and that adoption is the best bet. They said that if I don’t agree to raise it, they’ll make sure I’ll never see the baby ever.
I won’t raise their child for them. So that’s that, I guess.
I feel so many flavors of worried and angry and then worried all over again. I’ve been around the block and it’s never a great sign when the person you’re with makes an enemy of your family. That’s what sperm-donor has done by painting me as an abuser and failed mother who also won’t take in their baby. Sounds like sperm-donor has cut themselves off from their own family too. So I’m worried my daughter is in a very controlling relationship with someone who convinced her to stop birth control because they think hormones are too feminizing somehow and that she needs to be “fixed”. But they still want me to raise their baby.
I’m angry that my daughter can just hear this crap and nod along like, yeah, that makes total sense. She is not stupid. I think she’s love blinded.
I’m sad and worried for the baby. A couple commenters suggested I wanted nothing to do with the baby because I wouldn’t agree to raise it as my own. No, in a perfect world, I would want a normal grandmotherly relationship. Or at least know that the child is safe and has been adopted into a loving family.
I don’t care what my daughter does with her gender, or her body as long as she doesn’t hurt herself. I want her to be in a happy relationship with someone who values her for who she is. Sperm-donor kept using the word ‘fix’ which I see as another terrible sign.
It’s bad all around. My house is empty. It feels like my adult daughter has run off to join up with some weird church/cult thing who tells her that up is down. That not using birth control and not getting an abortion and then expecting others to take care of the child is all a-okay. Oh and that she’s a problem and needs to be “fixed”.
I texted her and said I would be there for her, but sperm-donor was still not welcome in the house. I think I’m blocked again.
She’s a legal adult. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point? In my low points, part of me thinks maybe I should agree to take the baby and then immediately make sure it’s adopted into a loving home. But I get the feeling that sperm-donor won’t make that easy, and right now my daughter does what he says. Also I’m not sure if that plan is even possible. It sounds Hollywood.
I have an appointment to speak with a councilor, but the soonest I could get is April. Some of my friends think I should take the baby in either to get them away from the parents or because they think it’s my duty, or both.
The only silver lining in this was that they both seemed sober. I don’t think there’s drugs involved.
Am I reading this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Commenters agreed that sperm donor's comments made no sense, and that OOP's child was probably stuck in an abusive relationship:
Comment 1:
For your safety, I would change the locks and put up camera, Sperm-donor seems unhinged. I’m a firm believer in better safe than sorry.
Comment 2:
This baby will be used as a pawn in his never ending psycho drama. If they do not and cannot raise their baby, the best solution is adoption. Otherwise, the father will make your life a living hell.
NTA
OOP's response:
I couldn't figure out a polite way of saying this, but yes. That is my suspicion if I take in their baby. Sperm-donor implied it would be temporary while earlier my daughter said it would be permanent. I think sperm-donor will refuse to sign over paperwork when the time comes or try to leverage it in some way.
Comment 3:
NTA also it sounds like your daughter is in an abusive relationship with this person. Sorry your daughter has been brain washed by this crazy person. I would definitely contact this sperm donors family and if they seem sane warn them about how crazy both of spoke to you.
OOP's response:
That is my fear, and not a bad idea to contact sperm-donor's parents. This has all happened so far, I feel like I'm in shock and I'm very worried.
Comment 4:
Pretty wild that a trans person is saying abortion is a sin. None of this is anything like what you're going to hear from any healthy LGBT community, who are quite careful to make sure not to support people in delusional or antisocial behavior. Definitely get therapy, sounds like your kid has some serious mental health problems if they're being influenced by whatever wackos put these ideas into their head. You're going to need support in coping with this madness. NTA by a country mile. You are in no way "abusing" your kid by refusing to take responsibility for their bad choices.
OOP's response:
Thank you and yes, I don't want to minimize my daughter's role in it but the hard anti-abortion thing surprised me too. A lot of what they said contradicted itself. It felt like I was sitting across from two people who were in their own wacko bubble.
I know it's not a LGBT thing. I wish someone from their community would knock some sense into them, if its even possible at this point.
​
OOP hasn't posted since the last update.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA-scarecrow. She posted in relationship_advice. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the original recommendation and to u/ivy5kin for letting me know about the update
Previous BORU here. New Updates (starting with one from a few months ago and ending with one 7 days old) marked with ****\*

Read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: infant abuse; spousal abuse; drug use; stalking; kidnapping attempt
Mood Spoiler: utterly terrifying and disturbing
Original Post: March 16, 2024
My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children because if we didn’t he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment. He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them?
He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it. Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. Ive suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy. He sees our children as competition to my time and affections.
A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life&our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect? A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head. I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving.
He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica”. I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it. I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted.
What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?
Edit: Some of you are some real evil bastards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!
Relevant Comments:
Examples of 'competition':
If I’m with the kids and say I’m feeding them he gets upset I’m focusing on them and not him, or as he likes to say I’m fussing over them. He expects they sleep through the night and gets upset when I’m with them instead of in bed with him. He has even made weird comments about me loving them more than him.
Did he really want kids or did YOU want kids?
Due to my husband’s fertility issues he was the one pushing for us to have kids. He knew early on that he had a health condition and wanted us to have children way earlier but I asked if we could wait but then his condition worsened so we agreed to get treatment before he couldn’t have any kids. He desperately wanted to be a father and they are biologically ours. His desire to be a father was one of the qualities I liked about him when we started dating.
I’ve always worked and the plan was for me to stay home for the first 2/3 years and perhaps work part time until the kids were school aged. But that’s out the window now because I don’t want to ever be this vulnerable! I’ve been brushing off my cv and scouring the internet for a job. I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable again.
Does he help at ALL? Do you have a support system you could go to?
He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce.
I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses. He says everything is in my head.
I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just incase. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?
Are they his biologically? Did you guys go to a support group for infertility treatment?
We didn’t use any sperm or egg donations. The kids are his and mine biologically.
We also went to a support group, two support groups actually. One of them was for couples and the other for men experiencing infertility. He also went to individual therapy to deal with his emotional issues around infertility.
Update Post: March 19, 2024 (3 days later)
Title: He’s (42m) been pinching my (35f) babies?
Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son!
While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone. I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.
It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had lept off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours. I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the police and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording. Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly.
He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him. I just responded once telling him to go fuck himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked incase he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from?
How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?
Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of abuse. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He just wants more and better access to his victims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around abusing children for their dopamine hits.

OOP: Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bullshit excuses. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Update the monitor to one that records:
I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!
On what OOP is doing to protect them:
I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order. My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgement from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.
I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.
Did you tell him you saw the pinch?
Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he?
Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me. Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults.
He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bullshit on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers death to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!
Did he tell you that over phone or text?
This was on a call which I’ve recorded!
*****Update Post 2: April 10, 2024 (3 weeks after OG post)****\*
Title: How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?
Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.
Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries. We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down. I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long”.
We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control. We got into physical confrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the police. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there.
So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face,massive knots on my head and bruises all over. I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life. What did I do wrong? When did it all get so fucked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just beating on me and our babies?
Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up.
His family is also aware. His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arrested and he was bailed out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.
Relevant Comments:
I’m in contact with a dv organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a shit.
He despite it all broke in and beat the living shit out of me.
Making the audio journal:
I really didn’t make my audio journal to use as evidence. I literally made it because he makes me feel like I’m insane! I never know which version of him I’ll get at any given time. I also keep my journal to keep track of what he says. Every conversation with him makes me lose grip of my fleeting sanity.
Leaving the house:
The biggest reason I haven’t left my home is because he would without a doubt say I abducted the children! I’m already withholding my children from him since I caught him hurting my six month old son.
On advice of my lawyer I have stayed put. It’s my best option for now and it shows that I’ve been reasonably measured in my actions.
Restraining order?
I am in the process of getting one.
Update Post 3: April 25, 2024 (15 days later, almost 6 weeks from OG post)
Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires
I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to kill us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.
My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a sex worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me. Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to.
I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something. I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me.
She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him. Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional abuse to physically abusing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, killing us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.
During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her. For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica. She has also been victimized by him.
Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were dead. He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why torment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers. His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing. Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to kill me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.
Relevant Comments:
I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system.
I’m also seriously considering a gun. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in gun safety and training.
Be careful with the dogs, he may just kill them:
He probably would but the few seconds to minutes he needs in order to do that is perhaps the chance I need to save my children and myself.
This may seem horrible to you but I rather have them as a buffer then my children getting harmed. I of course don’t want this to happen but I’m in a situation now where I need to do everything I can to protect my children.
His parents:
Oh they really are bastards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him abusing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me. They’ve seen the police report. They’ve seen the pictures of my battered face and bruised body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.
You don't want to give him ammunition in the divorce- maybe stop telling people?
Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the police if they see he’s anywhere near the house.
What was he like before all of this? Were there any signs?
We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone kill us.
It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally abusive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children. It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically abusing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him. I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the police and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he attacked me and beat me into a bloody mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.
Again- why isn't he in jail?
He’s out on bail.
Update Post 3: May 11, 2024 (2+ weeks later)
Editor's note: This post was deleted by reddit. I have transcribed it from this youtube video and this tiktok video
Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abduct his former “mistress”.
Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the sex worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.)
When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with drug residue and they also found tools of abduction. I honestly do not know what these are exactly.
My soon to be ex FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arrested. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abduction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this. When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his shit and then was just screaming.
My soon to be ex MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a goddamn b****, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore.
I never knew this man to take drugs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard drugs? I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on cocaine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things.
I mean, I don't even know anything about drugs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear. The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to drug usage, as well as him being an abusive piece of shit.
His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much abusive shit and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them. I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life
Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done? Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only hurting my children, but also for hurting myself and Jessica.
I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him?
I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?
I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me. And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me?
In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
TLDR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former mistress/sex worker and during his arrest they found drug residue and tools for abduction
Relevant Comments:
Change your surname/the kids' surnames:
My kids and I have double-barreled surnames (my surname and their dads) but when I can we will drop his and we’ll all go by just mine.
People blaming OOP:
The sad fucking thing it’s not only his parents. It seems like everyone is blaming me.
OOP's response to a crappy (now deleted) comment:
“ You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. You have to build skills so you can take full ownership over your own life.”
This genuinely has me fucking raging right now! I feel like everyone keeps blaming me!
And I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming me for his shit! We didn’t have any problems in the previous 7 years of our marriage. He started doing drugs during my pregnancy and this is when he started to behave abnormally. I tried to get him help because I thought it was depression or the stress of being a new parent.
When I noticed his irritablity, combativeness and generally shitty behavior was more than just depression or jealousy of me spending more time with my new born children, I kicked him out, I got a lawyer and involved the police because there no way in hell I’d stay with someone who hurt my children or let him get away with it and I also made sure to get emergency custody of my children. This is also around the same time when he spiralled into using more drugs. I don’t know what else I could’ve done but I know I took all the right steps when I noticed his escalation!
I’m so sick of everyone acting like I was making him do drugs and like I’m suppose to know that he’d ruin my life after having had a good marriage before he started taking drugs and going out of his mind.
What has your lawyer said about disappearing?
I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree. Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me.

Today, my autistic 15 year old daughter called one of her friends (we will call her harper) to come outside to hang out with a group of friends, at the request of one of these friends. Because there was a physical altercation yesterday where harper was hit by another friend (let's call her Megan), daughter took this as a good sign that they were going to get along better.
The reason the fight yesterday happened is because harper has been relentlessly mean to daughter recently. Daughter wasn't there and didn't know until after the fact.
Today, when harper got out to the group, she somehow ended up threatening to knee my daughter in the gut and calling her a c**t while arguing with Megan about yesterday. Daughter was crying off to the side, because conflict is very triggering for her due to trauma.
Someone yelled "just hit her again" and others started chanting "hit her hit her" and Megan did hit Harper. She was egged on by some others to hit her three more times. It doesn't make it better, but harper didn't sustain any injuries.
After school, 10 minutes after harper walked daughter to the car and said "I love you, have a good weekend, bye" I got a call from Harper's mom insisting that my daughter had orchestrated this entire thing.
She is saying that's what she's going to tell the police.
Daughter and harper were on the phone a and daughter heard Harper's mom say "tell Megan I'm telling the police about this" and daughter, being autistic, promptly followed what she believed to be instructions coming from an adult she wanted to stop being angry at her.
Harper's mom is taking that fact as evidence that daughter is scheming with Megan and did, in fact, orchestrate this.
Harper and her family refusing to understand autism and how it affects my daughter is at the core of the friction in their friendship and the mistreatment daughter receives daily from this "friend." Harper has, this evening, blocked daughter, unblocked daughter to call and yell at her, threatening her with police action, and blocked her again.
If we get a call from the police, what should I expect? What should I do?
I'm very supportive of police being involved because an assault happened, but the idea that my kid had anything to do with it is so ludicrous that I'm genuinely shocked anyone who has ever met her, let alone hosted her several times, could believe it.

Ok so like back in January I was looking for some online friends cause I had a lot of free time after school and it got boring after a while. Anyways, this 14 year old guy made a post on this subreddit related to online friends and I replied. So we start talking on discord, and like it was just normal getting to know you stuff.
As the days went on he opened up to me about how I was like his one and only friend, because he was getting bullied or like isolated at school. He was living in Mexico at the time and apparently his school just didn't have the best crowd and he never really wanted to get along with those type of people. Everyday he'd text me about how bad his day was and all that stuff. I was kinda getting a little overwhelmed but I still felt bad for him. I'd try giving him advice like talking to his teachers and stuff, but he'd say that would only work for so long. Again, he'd always remind me how I was like his only friend. We'd talk for like 2 hours, usually during the night til he went to sleep because this was during winter break. Sometimes he'd text me saying he can't sleep, so I would always recommend different things to do, like listen to music etc. The next day he'd say it worked for him, and I felt glad for him. This is going to sound really bad, but even though I was really happy that I was helping him with his struggles, honestly it was kind of too much for me. I felt bad ending conversations with him cause they would last for hours on end. I know this is kind of my fault because I reached out first, but I didn't know it would lead to him ranting to me every day. When it was really bad, I'd even recommend him therapists or online therapists to talk to. He'd always try but end up saying that you'd have to pay or something else (which may have been true but idk because a lot of online therapy sites are different for separate regions, cz he was in Mexico and I was in the US).
I wanna say this relationship lasted for around 3 weeks but I don't remember. Anyways, things were looking really good for him. I always encouraged him to speak to his parents about it, but he'd always say he didn't want to burden them. Then one day he said he finally mustered up the courage to tell him mom everything about his life. I supported him the whole way. Later he told me his mom would try to find a therapist for him. Still during the days of finding a therapist he would always come rant to me. This is kind of my fault for always accepting even though I honestly didn't want him to rant to me anymore. We stopped talking as often/as long for a while, but then somehow our discord like got glitched or smth and it wouldn't allow us to contact each other. Sometimes the glitch would go away and stuff, but my point is that we stopped talking for a long time. This sounds bad but I honestly forgot about the relationship. One day I checked reddit again after a long time and I saw a message from him asking if I remember him. I immediately replied, and we started talking again. Again, the ranting/venting from him continued. I felt really bad for him, but when I looked for an online friend I didn't expect this. One day I just decided to pour it all out to him. I wrote an entire like essay to him explaining how I couldn't handle his issues along with my own (my family life wasn't very good at that time, but I didn't want to vent to him back because he was already overwhelmed in his own life). I told him to block me and i would do the same. He simply replied something along the lines of "okay. Yeah i think it's best we both move on." And that was that.
I did block him on everything. I forgot about it for around 3 weeks, and then I will be honest curiosity got the best of me. I unblocked him and checked his reddit profile. He didn't block me even though I must've really hurt his feelings. He made so many posts on suicidewatch or other subreddits talking about killing himself, or how he doesn't deserve to be on this earth anymore. I felt really bad, but I thought it'd hurt him more if I suddenly re-entered his life, so I didn't. Every now and then I'd check his profile to see how he was doing, and I did again today. Just yesterday he made a post saying how he couldn't handle it anymore. Then he made another one titled "i'm sorry", with a picture of what I assume is him holding a knife. I'm scared. I think it's my fault, because I basically told him that his only friend doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. Do i reach out? I don't know if he actually went through with it. Help please.

I’m just here to vent. I (25F) been in an on again off again situation with my ‘ex’ (22F) for three years. (I just refer to her as such because it’s easier but depending on the day you ask her she’ll say we either dated or never did). I don’t even think there is space for me to go into depth as to how much abuse I’ve endured with her. Lovebombing, gaslighting, manipulating, lying etc. With the exception of me, all relationships she has been in has resulted in extreme physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of another partner. When she and I ‘dated’ last year, an ex of hers who beat her was still harassing and threatening her and I got heavily involved, even having to call the police in her city because the ex gave me a heads up and said she was going to seriously harm her…if you get my drift. I tried my best to love her as anyone deserved to be loved, support her in this very uncomfortable situation but she said all my efforts, sacrifices, etc were not enough. She even said that I was the worst abuser she ever had when i said that I couldn’t do this anymore, and guilt tripped me into staying on the phone for an hour to hear about how I’m an abuser, because she “won’t be silenced again.”
I allowed it but once I was able to realize how much I was harmed a few months later, I sent her a letter via text detailing how she hurt me, but I felt that if it meant that she’d still be alive and safe, I’d go through it again to keep her safe. In retaliation to that text, she doxxed me on twitter and called me a “child lover” if you get my drift for dating her. She was 18.5 when we first met and i had just turned 22, freshman and senior in college (she even lied and said i was 24 when we first met), and in truth she pursued me. She claimed i preyed on her even though the most we had ever done is kiss since we are long distance, and claimed that i stalked her from relationship to relationship she was in, which is just not true. I had just gotten accepted into grad school and she threatened that she would contact my school, and track down my abusive father. I think it’s ironic that i had to damn near pressure her to be vocal about actual abuse she endured but with me, she made up lies. For whatever reason, she had to build a narrative that she was a victim. I was bombarded with phone calls and a texts, and my school was contacted, but i was still able to enroll, slated to graduate this December.
I lived in fear for months, I kept checking her social media, as did my friends, to make sure she wasn’t saying anything more or worse. I’m a very spiritual person so my guides have been adamant that forgiveness is the way and I was stubborn but I got there. I really did. She reached out to me earlier this year out of the blue to apologize for everything she said and did, and say that she saw what I was seeing, and recognized that I was just trying to advocate for her and love her. I was hesitant but I let her back in. I was open about how I was in school, but i am suffering from homelessness and its affected my mental health. She love bombed me said that she was still in love with me and said that she wasn’t going to mess up this time and that she was here to help. . I obviously was frozen and couldn’t say it back, I was scared. She noticed and was like “Let’s change the topic.” I slept on it , and decided that she was going to get another chance but she blocked and ghosted me the next day. Two weeks later she’s claiming she’s dating someone else. It sucked.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, my dumbass reached out for her birthday. I know I’m attached, she kept showing up in my dreams as though she was in trouble. She let me back in and started venting about this new partner who is abusive and hits her. She explains why she left me earlier, which is where she reveals she was diagnosed with BPD and is in cognitive behavioral therapy where I’m allegedly a hot topic of conversation. She said she needs someone doing worse than her in life, and I dont fit that. She said she didn’t like that I didn’’t say I love you back, and that she knows what she did was petty and childish. She said again she was still in love with me, kept saying “I dont know,” but again, wasn’t in a rush to leave the situation she was in, while knowing how the pattern we’re repetitive . I didn’t want to pressure her or be authoritative over the matter because it’s sensitive. She ended the night saying that she was single and looking in my direction once more. But then I woke up the next day blocked again, and I wasn’t letting that slide. It became clear that her partner got involved and was using her phone. Whenever her partner was around she would bark at me, saying that I’m manipulating her emotionally and spiritually, but when she was alone she was unblocking my number and trying to get in touch with me. I let it go on for a few days still looking for resources, coming up with a safety plan for her, until her partner texted me from her phone calling me a predator, mocking me for being homeless, saying i hit my ex (a lie) and threatening to contact my school. I know that this narrative, all of it, came directly from my ex, her partner wouldn’t have coincidentally make that up. The same trauma i experienced last year, I was living it again. The same thing she apologized for, she was doing it to me again. Someone she claims to love, and wants a family with, etc. I sent one final text to her again, calling out what she had done, and in response she did the thing where she ignores the majority of the text holding her accountable for her actions, and deflects and ended up threatening me about harassment and getting attorneys involved.
I was on the phone with my friend earlier today and she revealed to me that she was recently diagnosed with BPD. She mentioned that I could be a “FP” to my ex, but I’m not quite sure. For me, I feel shitty for still holding out for her, a part of me believing that she and I could be endgame. It feels like feeling that way is a HUGE disservice to myself and my growth. I fixate on things so doing research about BPD has been my latest thing, just to make sense of what I’ve been through. My friends, my therapists, and even ChatGPT have all collectively agreed that i was emotionally abused and manipulated by her. She’s made me feel that i am unworthy of love, that I will never be loved or chosen, and I’m honestly scared to trust,, be vulnerable, or just simply love, but that is something I am determined to unlearn.
If you made it. This far, thanks fro reading, and if there’’s anything you’d like to suggest or, advise, I’m all ears. Much love. <3

I (25F) want to tell my (30M) Boyfriend that if he wants to talk about his friend, he will have to find anyone other than me to do it, because hearing about him makes me violently nauseous.
I’ll call my Boyfriend Jay, and his friend Chad so I can keep it straight. Fake names for the win, else I’ll spill every bean I have.
Please forgive my bunny trail of an explanation, but I have context on my Why’s.
Chad and I have had a rather negative relationship for around two years, and I have him blocked on everything for around 7 or 8 months now. Before that, we were all in the same circle of friends together. Chad is the older brother of my best friend, but we never met before 2020, that’s when my best friend and Chad wanted to get a larger group together for a streaming project. Chad and Jay were friends for around a year or so before the project started.
The project friends had about 6 regulars including me for the first two years, until Chad starting bringing in how own personal friends into the group. Chad started getting meaner and making more rude “jokes” directed to me or his brother when his friends were around. It got worse when Chad invited one of his friends, Hunter. Hunter was known to Chad’s friend group as being really bad with women, having a track record of running any girls in the friend group out and away for the same reasons. Chad never wanted me, or any other of the original project people about Hunters behavior patterns. All he did was say really hurtful things to me if Hunter started helping me in game, but if I brought it up, he would say it was a joke. All of these jokes revolves around calling me many forms of a loose woman, saying I collected simps? And other such things along that path of thought.
Hunter took about a week to get comfortable before he made advances on me and made me really uncomfortable. When I rejected him, he got rather aggressive. I told my best friend about it, who then told Chad. Chad just told me to “Actually Tell him no. He’s a good guy I want you to get along with him.” That kind of hurt my feelings because I Very much said no, and he didn’t take it well. For the next month Hunter SA’d me, and told me it was my fault, and that if his friends are mad at him, it’s my fault too. I didn’t tell the friend group much at the time because I was absolutely so ashamed of just everything. And when Chad found out something had gone down, he said how I was the one to let it happen, and that I just didn’t say no. Chad made sure to tell me the drama in the group was my fault, and nothing too bad must have happened if I didn’t tell them all about it.
This was about where I broke and just had no idea what to do, because it seemed like Chad didn’t want to listen to me. But that same week, Hunter sent some Dick pics to another friend, and made some extreme comments to her, including that he would unalive himself if he didn’t get a picture of her boobs.
It was only after that that Hunter was banned from the group, but Chad made sure to continue making choice comments about me. And I could do my best to ignore it until Christmas that year, when I was showing off some of the cute things I got to another member of the group when Chad said he just didn’t care, and went on a hour and a half rant about how bad I was and how stupid and gross and how he couldn’t stand to have me around. No one said anything during his rant, and I couldn’t stay anymore and take it and left. Only Jay and one other messaged me after asking if I was okay, and said it seemed like he was really attacking me that day. When I tried to talk to Chad about it, he got offended and said it was a joke.
After that, I stopped interacting with the group. I only talked to my best friend, Jay, and two others from the original group. During that year of me not interacting with Chad, Chad got angry if I hung out with Jay or best friend when not with him, and if he saw me hanging out with anyone, it got him one another hour long rant. My best friend unfortunately had to listen to all of them.
I finally blocked Chad after he came onto my twitch with his friends to insult me as much as they could. The straw that did it for me was that Chad said he was “surprised that I was even in collage when I was so fucking stupid” I’m extra salty about that because Chad only for two years of High school in before he dropped out.
Jay and I live together now, and I’ve told Jay about all the comments, showed him chads and my direct messages, and how I have such strong anxiety when Chad comes up for whatever reason. I actively have nightmares about Hunter and Chad still.
Jay and Chad do DnD every week, and have game nights pretty frequently too, and Jay will tell me about them, and about how glad he is that Chad is on his team because everyone else sucks.
Recently Chad and Jay got together to talk, and Chad said he regrets how he handles things and has no hard feelings towards me. Jay sounded really excited, and asked if I would unblock Chad and if things would go back to the way there were before. I never want to hear Chads voice again, and can’t see that happening.
I’m worried about being the A-Hole because I don’t want to tell my BF who he can be friends with or give him an ultimatum of “it’s your friend or me” but I feel like if I said to keep everything about Chad away from me I would be. Especially as Jay has said he hasn’t felt like he was a good friend to Chad after he got with me, and he wants to keep his friends as he doesn’t have many close ones after moving.
TLDR: Mutual friend bullied(?) me and now is only friends with my BF. BF and old friend still hang out and it makes me uncomfortable.

I male Ex female
So this story is very long I’ve known her for a very long time since elementary school and she was my best friend through out all of it but we kind of fell apart during middle school during 8th grade we reconnected and I developed feelings for her only
Only problem is that she had a bf at the time who she was dating for around a year but nearing 2nd semester they broke up because he turned out to be really manipulative and hurtful and after that got with me and it had to be the happiest time of my life but all throughout our relationship she kept in touch with him
This was because he had threatened to kill himself if they didn’t get back together but she said she wanted to stay with me so everything was fine and this is where my biggest mistake was I should have either told her to stop talking to him or just break up with her but I was too love struck to do anything about it fast forward about 4 months I leave for a week to go to New York for a trip and during that trip I found out she had kissed her ex at a function and this broke me after that we broke up and she got back together with him but about 3 months into there relationship they broke up
I wasn’t able to love or feel about anybody the same way she had total control over me and it was all I could think about I was in my worst state possible during that time and it was horrible but I had some great friends help me get out of it
Im in high school now and she’s come back she’s dated one other dude who was way older and her for about 2-4 weeks she’s been telling a bunch of people how much she’s misses me and says she was at her happiest when we were together and she’s been really wanting to talk to me and have me unblock her and a bunch of people I know have been telling me to give her a second chance or to unblock her
There’s really 2 ways I feel about this 1. She’s already fucked up my head once I shouldn’t let her do it again 2. Maybe she had changed and she really does just want what we had back
I’m not sure how to go about this everybody’s telling me to try again but it just seems sketch
There’s way more to this story so if you want more information just ask
TLDR: my ex from over a year ago who cheated on me now wants to talk to me and apologize

• Transphobic video using the word "tr***y"
• Referencing drag queens as clowns
• Doesn't disclose that reviews were really paid ads Edited her body for an Aerie ad, which is a brand that supposedly prides themselves on using real bodies.
• Was blocking and ignoring customers who purchased her Glamlite Paht 2 collection, never received their order, and asked about it. All of this while Glamlite was siphoning stock to CVS and also ignored customer inquiries about their overdue orders.
• Along with CVS, broke their "Beauty Unaltered" pledge by creating a display unit that is obviously filtered of the Trash Goblin’s face.
• Committed fraud by pledging that 50% of the proceeds from the Paht 2 collection would be donated to women's healthcare after the Dobbs decision. When anyone commented to ask about it, they were banned from her socials. This one is the most egregious, as there are people who might have purchased solely based on her pledge. She lied about not getting paid yet to make the donation just as the CVS distribution happened.
• She's myopic and doesn't care about her supporters, as she continually discusses her ED without the common courtesy of a trigger warning like most creators do for subjects like this. Her explanation for why she doesn't give a TW? "It doesn't trigger me, so fuck all of you." She's so disrespectful of Cody's sobriety.
• Does giveaways by making followers jump through engagement hoops to boost her profile but then didn't deliver on the giveaways.
• Begging... BEGGING.. followers on her broadcast channel to drop an emoji as a comment to inflate her engagement rate, as comments are engagement rate gold for getting paid.
• Claims she donates extra product to women's shelters, and then went on Instagram asking for suggestions on where in her area she can donate women's clothes. She's so fucking dense that she either doesn't realize the same places she supposedly donates product to is a good first start, or she outed herself as never donating before like she said she did if she doesn't know where to donate clothes locally.
• She's a terrible brand ambassador, which is on her and DBA. She went on a free Paris trip sponsored by Caudalie, and she shit talked how broken out her skin got on the trip (with the assumption she was using their products and services) and never once really hyped the brand that was paying for her to be there.
• Took money from Briogio for a campaign and at the same time posted videos about her hair falling out. She's so dumb she doesn't realize that she caused a causation comparison.
• She's lying about having clients, paying clients that aren't her friends and family. She is not a MUA or a certified in MA to do makeup.
• She brigades brands who don't do her bidding like a brat. Pottery Barn in the middle of the pandemic had shipping and quality issues. She sent her followers after them and then begged PB for more free stuff.
• She has her friends like HeartofGreg comment on her videos, which she then stiches the comment to review a product. She then takes that video and shops it to the brand to get them to sponsor the video.. and a few weeks later the video resurfaces as partner, paid partnerships, sponsorship.
• Tax fraud when handling gratis, expenses, and giveaways
• Did a giveaway for Chanel bags with Chris Appleton (Color Wow) and the Boston's Children's Hospital, which was against GoFundMe's Terms of Service. She never gave the winners their prize.
• Dogs a brand who sent her free items but then turns around and praises the brand when they pay her (She did it with Essence and KVD).
• Did a bunch of fake "pick out my wedding makeup" when she 100% knew what she was using including the fact that e.l.f. sponsored her wedding as a brand event. She says that's not true, but I can guarantee e.l.f. writes off the expenses they incurred for her wedding as a business expense.
• Lied about her YouTube page being her page. She feverously uploaded videos when she took her 5:19, baby tantrum, pity party break from TikTok but still needed to earn money. She uploaded her TikTok videos to YouTube, lied that it was her channel, and made money. If it wasn't her channel, you know she and DBA would file a cease and desist .. and win it.. to get the channel removed. It's her channel.
• Her filter usage is fraud. Period. There is no debating it. When you are getting paid to review products and apply a filter on your face and body, you are committing fraud. The viewer thinks it's the product making that effect and not really the software engineering team that created the editing app.
• With the PeeeLouish collab, they were caught pre-applying swatches from the P.Louise palette. She's also not really applying makeup in her videos. Cheeks, bronzer, and eyes are being applied off screen and she's swiping a brush making it look like she's applying it. Another sign she can't do professional makeup at all. It's all fake.
• Every ”in the wild” picture that’s not filtered shows the truth.
• She constantly lurks on other creators pages to find commenters to block when they shit talk her. Insecure much? She’ll unblock people to snark them and lurk, then block them again. We know she does this with Rich Lux.
• She supports James Charles. The grifting carnival barker loves the groomer trash.
• Community Contribution: She shits on her estranged half sister to her millions of followers, when all the evidence points to her sister being frozen out of their family at the age of 14. She claims her sister walked out of their lives because she “wasn’t the precious daughter of the family anymore” after Mikayla was born, and also talks badly about her sister for being on disability. Mikayla is an aunt to two girls, but I doubt she’s ever cared nor met them. Her sister also lived and lives right down the road from Mikayla’s parents home.
• She’s a known bully and coming from someone who’s now being regarded as an ED spokesperson. She told her friend that drinking hot chocolate would be “200 very unnecessary calories”, and that she was “just trying to help since you’re trying to lose weight” with that comment. She’s a mean girl, and she always has been.
• She cries about shade range while she brags about being soooo pale (um, really?). She releases collabs that are not inclusive for POC. She then brags about buying out and hoarding darker foundations and concealers to use as bronzers meaning the very little stock available for darker skin tones becomes even more scarce when her idiot stans buy up the product. She also blackfishes.
• She can't admit when she's wrong and aggressively lashes out to those trying to point it out. She called a comb and brush, and when corrected in her comments, she was incredibly rude to her own followers. You know, the people engaging with her content that's paying her mortgage. She is incapable of saying, "oops, my bad." Her integrity is crap for this behavior.
• Just like the above, the unwillingness to admit a simple mistake turned her into an ableist POS. There are those with low vision or no vision who listen to TikToks and rely on accuracy in speech and closed captions. Her "go fuck yourself, bro" attitude when called out about the comb incident made her incredibly ableist.
• She creates rage bait content to generate engagement gold via angry comments. This makes her a carnival barking grifter.
• She begs for engagement on her broadcast channel trying to force things to go viral like "nice and shaaaahhp." It's actually pathetic watching her do this.
• Used a derogatory term used to reference Travelers/Romani people and doubled down on it when people called her out and educated her on the use of the word.
• Lied about creating some Mother's Day shopping spree for a "family in need" saying that when she heard their story, she knew she just had to help. When asked in the comments about the story, she played the, "It's not my story the tell." Come to find out, the story is that the child goes to the school that Mikayla's mom works at. There was a raffle at the school, and one of the prizes was a $500 shopping trip with MikPickMe. The girl's mom paid for 40 entries to win the raffle, and she did. The only reason the shopping was done on Mother's Day was due to conflicting schedules. This was not a shopping spree for a family in need. It was a prize from a raffle that Mikayla's mommy had a hand in.
• MikLieHole took Rael's money and trip and went in days earlier with her emotional support animal, Codypendency, and did meetings with a competitor, Tirtir. Tirtir gifted her a Birkin while in South Korea, too.
• Purposely lied about and independent WoC owned brand (PIMBY) saying they use Vaseline for their swatches in an attempt to ruin said brand to make Glamlite look better.

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I'm putting fake names... (A lot of the timelines are spread out but they talk about those specific moments, I hope they make since)
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?

I'm putting fake names... (A lot of the timelines are spread out but they talk about those specific moments, I hope they make since)
I have a friend, I'll call her J. I have known J for almost 9 years. She and I grew up pretty close and we were inseparable. Over the first few years of our friendship she had lost my parents trust from an incident involving a boy, she wasn't allowed to stay over for sleepovers and I practically lost my whole summer that year. I was pretty angry at my parents and blamed things on them. I regret my actions and I did learn but in my mind I thought J was the only person who understood me.
After the whole incident settled down. School started up again and she would jokingly push me into a boy or a locker. She started putting her arm around my neck, trying to choke me. She would continuously punch me or smack me on the head. I honestly got annoyed by it but I acted like it was nothing. She had suddenly became obsessed with TikTok and she posted a whole TikTok about her friends, their was a video of me that stood out. I wasn't wearing a shirt. Which completely made me uncomfortable because I wasn't wearing a shirt and she took the video while I was changing. She didn't take it down. She also would post photos without my consent. Like ones that made me feel ugly or disgusting. And I would tell her how they made me feel. But she would still post them. I started telling her no when she asked for photos and she always would sneak one when I wasn't looking. She doesn't take no for an answer. She will start whining when you don't listen. I used to trust her with my feelings and I would tell her about everything. And now I feel like she knows too much.
This past school year all of my friends (king, J, Joe, Bell) and I went to SDYC. And well when we went J was lying a bunch and starting a bunch of drama and it threw all of my friends off. We all didn't trust J and Joe that well during that time. I felt like the only people I had was my friends King and Bell. Because they both understood how I felt.
After that. King, J, and I had a sleepover. During the middle of the night I was watching a movie and J began to bug me. She started pushing on me saying I was taking up too much room. But honestly I was the one who was sleeping in between two couches there's no way I was taking that much space because I was falling in the crack. She then proceeded to call me a fat roll. I said "no your a fat roll" jokingly. And then she freaks out and she went to tell her boyfriend. It annoyed me because all her boyfriend knows how to do is talk bad. After that sleepover. She started working at the same place as me and I told her about my big crush on this coworker of ours. And so then she decided to start flirting with him in front of me. She would throw something at him jokingly and giggle. I didn't try to think anything of it. But then when we were talking about him the next thing she decided to say was, "your just jealous because he talks to me and not you". The thing is I don't want to talk to him that's why I don't try to talk to him. He has talked to me before, but I rather admire him from afar. He's like 13 years older than me. He was just hot to me at the time.
I'll just say I am lighter than a 5'6 girl. I might have a little bit of belly fat but that's just my body. And I do have an eating disorder. I don't eat enough, I practically starve myself. J honestly made me feel worse and I started having moments where I would basically pass out from no iron in my body. J continued to body shame me even from the amount of food I would eat. She straight up made is feel like she was calling me ugly and fat. It hurt and it made me angry. I told my dad and he said she's just jealous and not to worry about it. I brushed it off but she basically would say something everyday. It got to a point where I was crying all the time.
During my last year of highschool J didn't have a vehicle. So she would ask me to drive her places. I didn't mind because we would be going to the same places. And I started offering to pay for her drink or something. I didn't think much of it in tell I was always taking her places and buying her drinks but she still wanted me to pay her back for stuff when I didn't have much money. She managed to buy a vehicle for a small price by saving up the money she didn't spend. I feel stupid for offering. One day her mom even texted me asking for the small money I "owed" J. But my parents think I don't owe her anything because I have given her most of my money and that she owes me money.
J also does this thing where if you don't give her your attention she'll keep tapping you. Over and over again. Everytime she asks for my attention it's always for something so pointless and stupid. Nothing serious. And everytime I ask for her attention she'll ignore me. She does it a lot. She only wants to have the attention. I stopped telling her about how I feel because all I know is she'll either use it against me or not actually listen and move past it. Like once she asked me how I felt and when I told her that I cried about something she moved on from it into her talking about her crying over some movie she watched.
The way she treated me made me so angry that I texted her boyfriend anonymously asking him to control his girlfriend and get her to be nicer to others. He didn't like the message and told his girl on the spot and J tried to call my fake number. I didn't answer and then she ran to me to tell me the tea. She later assumed it was a boy she was flirting with that she pushed away.
I hate her boyfriend but he deserves better.. because she has talked to another boy behind his back. When I started liking this one boy. I told her about it and then she began to tell me how she met this UK boy and she thinks he's all that. She later found out he was lying about his age and she got back to reality before she lost her in person boyfriend.
She told king I was flirting with this one dude but I wasn't. J told me to add this guy she found on Facebook on snap, I said okay and I called the dude a nickname like a Grandma would call their grandchildren. And I thought it was funny and the guy thought it was chill. I didn't think anything of it and then I blocked him because I didn't want to talk to him. She then decided to add the guy on snap. And she starts talking to him. The amount of times she has lied is crazy. I blocked him but she still has him on snap. For what reason I don't know.
J and Joe and I have recently had a lot of problems with each other. It's always J and Joe fighting and I'm between listening to them both argue about each other. I was getting tired of it. J hit my breaking point when she decided to ask me for my boyfriends sisters snap. You don't just ask your friend for her boyfriends sisters snap. That's weird. She also asked for my boyfriends and she looked him up when I told her no and she added a bunch of dudes with the same name. She didn't find him but there is no way I want her knowing him or his sister. I have too many trust issues with her. She's the main reason why a lot of my relationships didn't work out. They didn't like her and she manipulated me into saying things that upset them. She makes me so uncomfortable. She made me seem lesbian once when I know I'm not. But she made a TikTok about it and a lot of people from my school saw it. I don't like false accusations. I'm pretty sure she used it for clout. But also my parents think she's inlove with me because she can never leave me alone and she always HAS to hold hands or hug.
J doesn't understand a lot of things. And she calls me stupid. I honestly want karma to come get her but that's bad and I don't mean to say that. It hurts a lot.
I had blocked J on everything. But since I worked with J I saw her and she started bawling her eyes out at me saying she did nothing, I felt bad but I was annoyed because she kept bugging me. So I unblocked her. I decided to block her again after because my boyfriend said she was manipulating me. And well the more I had her blocked the nicer she was. After a while Joe did something to make me give up on my friendship with her too and J expected that to be a chance to get me back. And well she did practically. She was a lot nicer and I felt like she changed. But Man was I wrong.. Just today I was working my second night shift. I said something as a joke because I was hoping J would get what I meant. Her boyfriend was on the call... He took everything out of context and said something that made me feel less about myself. I already feel like crap being the person I am. I want to better myself but the more people say things the more I give up. I want to be encouraged not dragged down. I don't know why he has to be so mean. I never did anything to him. I don't know why they both have to be... I listen to her call people ugly all the time. Like just stop. I want her to stop. I'm leaving for the military soon, and she said that I can't get rid of her. That sounds psycho. And it honestly makes me want to get away more. I'm tired of the toxic environment and I want to get away. But she's everywhere. She knows everything about me. She has photos of me I hate. She has so many things she can use against me. I'm honestly scared. I want to block her again but I know she's just going to keep bugging me about it. And she might turn people against me. She's good at talking to people. I'm not I'm an introvert. I don't want her ever find me again once I leave. But I know she might try. People always find a way. And she's creepy. Because I know she'll be able to. But I just want to move on with my life. I don't know how to remove her from my life. What should I do?

So when I was in sixth grade I had been friends with this girl I had known since fifth grade, she was a year younger than me. I'll call her Lilith. So the day started normally, except for the fact my younger sister (Mary) wasn't very happy, so our mom asked me to sit with her if she came to my classroom for lunch; I agreed as I am the oldest. In school the morning passed by normally, I tutored the kid I was assigned to, talked to friends including Lilith, did my school work, etc. Eventually lunch arrived and I broached the subject to Lilith that my mom had asked me to let my sister sit with me during lunch and asked Lilith if we could save her a seat just in case she wanted to sit with me. Everything seemed fine up until I asked if Mary could sit with us. Lilith had to go get her hot lunch from the office and Mary and I both packed home lunches. Lilith told me that if Mary sat in her (Lilith's) seat she (Lilith) would kill Mary. I told her that was rude, and that I would simply tell Mary that was where Lilith was sitting, so Mary could sit beside me or something. Lilith kept going on about how she would kill my sister over that stupid chair, and I sat there in silent seething rage. When Lilith went to the office to get her lunch I explained to our teacher what had happened and he said he would talk to her. Afterwards I sat with 'Teddy' the kid I tutored and 'Johnny' one of my other friends; I told them everything. Now this is where the petty comes in, Lilith had this obsessive crush on a kid a grade above me (who i will call Orion), and I had a minor crush on one of his friends (who i will call Dimitri); this is something Teddy and Johnny both knew. So they suggest telling the friend group Lilith and I were apart of. I agreed saying we would also tell her crush and mine. The plan: they (Teddy and Johnny) would go out first and tell Orion and Dimitri, meanwhile I would go and tell my sister and her friends (who were standing fairly close to my friend group so they over heard), after that I would go and finish the story to Orion and Dimitri. Well everything went according to plan, when Lilith came out and tried talking to Orion he told her to get away from him because he didn't want to hangout with a psycho (I didnt think he would go that far); and all except one of our friends turned their backs on her. The friend who sided with her told me I was a horrible person for doing that to Lilith, knowing what she (Lilith) had gone through. Something to know, Lilith's father had abandoned her and her mother before she was born; and her mother had gone to jail two or so years before for stealing, leaving Lilith in the care of her grandmother. Now it is my belief that no matter your background or how you grew up, threatening someone's life was and is unacceptable; and I told this "friend" exactly that. Then Lilith started to threaten me, in front of the entire forth, fifth, sixth grades (upper elementary) and middle school classes (we went to an elementary/combined middle school); saying things like she would ruin my life and ruin me, which only proved my point to the others, and I told her that if she came for me or my family she best be prepared for a fight (usually im not a confrontational person so this was a surprise to pretty much everyone). After school I told my mom what had happened and she talked with not only my and lilith's teacher but the principal of the school as well; which led to Lilith getting a talking to from the principal but not much else because of Lilith's background. The next day my teacher pretty much begged me to forgive Lilith, seeing as it was two weeks before summer break, and I told him I wouldnt even consider it until she apologized to my face; by this time Lilith had messaged me on Instagram saying how sorry she was Yada Yada blah blah blah and so on (to which i blocked her temporarily). So the teacher sent us both outside to reconcile; not realizing I had a different plan. Lilith tried to apologize but wouldn't look me in the eyes, my mother told me if someone ment their apology they would look you in the eyes and I told Lilith that and she tried again, again not looking me in the eye. Eventually, because she wouldn't look me in the eyes, I pretended to forgive her simply because I wanted this whole thing to end (and to prove my fake point unblocked her). I spent the next week or so pretending to be her friend (I never told my mom about this fake friendship thing, mostly because nothimg had been done about Lilith and I could be painted in a bad light for discrimination which wasnt the case because i knew about Lilith's home lige long before this whole situation and was still friends with her regardless; im not superficia, i care more about personality and things like money and appearance), and ghosted her the night of the big dance our school had like a week before the end of school; come to think of it i dont think she was even at the dance. And after the dance I started cutting back on how much time I spent around her, and I noticed pretty much everyone else did the same. Then on the last day of school, when I got home I immediately blocked her on everything: phone number, insta (all of her profiles), everything. AITAH?

Why is it everything they do is just so wrong? How can they be this fucking thick?
I bet they told someone and got shamed for it. I can imagine it now, they play the victim and say they have NO IDEA why I'm not talking to them anymore, very conveniently leaving out all the crucial details, but they might just slip that potentially it was about the money that I sent them (which it wasn't), without any real truth about the whole situation that led up to me sending it to them nor that led up to me telling them that I was not going to be talking to them anymore, and then got shamed for it, because of course it was so clearly wrong that they accepted it, so they decided to send it back? Or maybe they think sending it back will just magically fix it, and they ignored the words that I sent them and didn't introspect at all, or else realize how sending it back would be received by me?
I hate how they just assume they know what I want without asking. I can hear the argument now, "How can you possibly be hurt by us sending it back? You're upset that we sent you money? We couldn't ask you what you wanted, so how were we supposed to know? What, are we supposed to be mind readers? How could we do anything other than send it back? We had to do SOMETHING!" No, you didn't! You could have just waited! You could have just heard what I said which was that I wanted space. You could have read my behavior which was that I'm not talking to you. It's like, if I wanted it back, don't you think I would have fucking unblocked you and asked? It's just so self-serving, because now their sob story is complete. They can now pretend to be completely innocent. They are perfect angels, and paint me as the mysterious aggressor now. "We even sent it back! I can't possibly fathom why he's still upset! Isn't he just so awful for not talking to us? Aren't we just helpless victims?" Is anyone going to notice the sleight of hand, the subtle calculus they use in crafting their victim narrative, how it's so conveniently self-serving that I never asked for it back, that the fact that they sent it back is just something they affirmatively decided to do to cover all the weak spots in their fiction? Or of how if they hadn't sent it back, that maybe the problem that was causing me not to talk to them wasn't actually about the money, because I could easily unblock them and ask for it back if that was what I really wanted? Of course not, because they would never volunteer that, they would never caveat their story. The fiction is complete. I just want no part of it.
It's like, why do you have to cling so hard? Why can't you just LET GO and LEAVE ME ALONE? I remember being upset so long ago about their invasive and controlling behavior, I remember imagining a real conversation where I could actually express myself without them taking offense or gaslighting or stonewalling or whatever, I just imagined saying, "the more you cling the more I want to run." That was right then, and it's right today. I remember dismissing it to myself as "youthful rebelliousness" or something stupid that just let them off the hook without any accountability. Just a vacuous platitude like that, that has nothing to do with being responsible or being actually accountable, useful for them in that it is universally applicable to any situation at all, divorced from any difficult questions like "well is it rebelliousness or is it a justified response", and all about just give them a free pass, after free pass, after free pass. It's like, enough is enough. I will not be controlled by them, and they will respect my autonomy and boundaries. I wasn't strong enough before to resist them, how they would break down my boundaries like sheets of paper and overpower me emotionally and manipulate me, and I am sad for my younger self who spent so long subjugated by them. But I am finding the strength I needed, the strength that was inside of me the whole time. The strength and courage and fortitude to say NO. No means NO!
In fact, by sending it back I can't help but think it reveals that they must view it as a transactional relationship in a way. By sending it back they just took what was a gift and it feels like they turned it into a transaction. Don't they realize that sending it back makes it worse? How about you send back the other stuff that you hold on to of mine that isn't money? How about you give me my diploma and my high school yearbook and my childhood photos and other artifacts of my childhood that you held onto for the last few decades? When I moved out, why did you never offer to give any of that stuff to me? When you moved houses, why did you not send me any photos of them and say wow remember this? Why did you hold onto it like some trophy of YOURS?
Why don't you fucking care about ME?

Hi there, long time lurker (since DDay last december) here but first time poster! Before I make this post, I want to clarify that I will be using the correct jargon and abbreviations for this subreddit, although I am still not sure wether my story belongs here. So here goes!
Me (31F), the BP and my WP (30M) have been together for 4 years now. December 2023 I caught my WP in what I believe was a starting EA. I had suspicions for while though, since it started in May 2022. Things were odd in my opinion, but I've also found it wasn't anything like most stories i'd read of EA's and nevee thought it was just me being silly.
WP was finishing his degree and he had half a year of a curriculum to follow still, with a new school and classmates. He found a friend group (all around 19/20 years old) there that he enjoyed hanging out with. Total of 4 guys (including him) and 2 girls. The curriculum ended with a 4-day schooltrip, after which he started acting weird. He was glued to his phone and distant. So much so that he ruined our anniversary dinner. He was completely distant, and when i suggested annoyingly that we might as well just leave, his response was "sure." And so we did.
I got tired of this behaviour and confronted him with it. It then came out that it was because it was a very emotional trip, where he revealed some traume about himself to his classmates, and didnt know how to reveal it to me and was afraid. I found this very strange as I did not see the connection to his distant behaviour in that. I won't go into detail but i personally did not find it anything to be ashamed of. As far as I know nothing happened there (though now, I will never know I guess), only that it was very much some teenager frat party for the entire trip.
Over the next 1,5 years from that trip in May 2022, WP and this group of friends stayed in contact. It wasn't much, and they'd see each other every 2 or 3 months, but WP did have considerably more text conact with one girl (AP), although it wasn't as much as most EA stories I read, like once a month (much more right after the trip though). Whenever he'd meet the friend group, WP would make it a thing to avoid inviting me. I'd seen them only twice in that whole time. He would either inform me a week before the meetup he was gonna go there, without invitation, or let me know right before or not at all (i later found in text messages, on meetups that never happened). It was always with the group though.
Don't get me wrong, I probably would've declined invitations anyway as they were way too young imo, but that fact he went out of is way to not include me was odd. Besides that i absolutely believe its healthy to also have friend alone time besides partner. But still, it struck me as strange.
This went on until he told me beginning of last december he was going for a weekend away with them at some point. His behaviour was beyond weird and awkward, as if he was asking his mom something he knew the answer was gonna be 'no' to. Thats when, a week later, i needed his phone for something, and it urged me to check messages with AP.
There it became apparant they had a much closer bond, albeit the little contact. There was mostly joking, but also some flirtation, mostly from her side. I found it during the 4 day school trip she had been telling him that people were gossiping because she supposedly was in love with him, and looking at hime alot and asked him if he minded the gossip. WP's response was "pff i dont care, ill look back at you like im in love, let them talk". There was also alot of venting from her about her bf, and him being the support for it all. I used to admire WP's need to help others, now it just makes me wanna vomit.
In the more recent convo's between them she was telling him to ask my permission for a weekend away, which is strange imo as friends, to do that. She started joking abouy skinny dippinh after. After that she was venting about the break up between her bf and her, how she was so "sex deprived" after a week, WP was happily joking along🙄 until she suggested that she'd get her fix with WP. WP's answer was ambigious, in our language it could equally mean "too bad for you I am taken" or "unfortunately I am taken already". AP reacted somewhere along the lines of "im only joking you know that😘😘😘". WP replied "i know babez😘"
Had read most of it at this point and had enough. I confronted him 2 weeks later. What followed was me yelling and crying, and him trying to explain everything with logic. Not once did he reassure or comfort me. Not until I asked him to. He didn't cut contact with AP immediately, but did so a week later. He decided that on his own and decided to do it when we were both at work. It was another stab in the back because it felt like he just wanted to control the narrative. I did check his phone at this time and he started deleting stuff, he also wasn't fully aware what I knew at this point (mind you he never deleted stuff before and phones were always open for each other) I asked him multiplie times if he wasnt deleting and lying about stuff, in comes the TT, lying and denying🙄. It wasn't until i mentioned, multiple times that I knew he was deleting and lying about stuff. His response "ohyeah, no i remember i did delete some stuff". He never fully aknowledged his betrayal, nor his TT and lying. He did fully block AP, went NC, as well as with the entire friend group, but he has done nothing to fix this. He keeps saying "he doesn't know how to fix it", even though he shows remorse and says he never wanted AP or meant anything with it, i guess throwing away our relationship meant less then "anything" then if thats the case. I feel like it's not my problem to fix, he has google and other resources to try and find a way but he just doesn't.
I am hurt, humiliated and angry. He has done nothing right in this proces, i feel. He has been rugsweeping, not been transparant, went NC with AP by blaming himself and coddling her. blocked her. Unblocked her again and then blocked again. Ofcourse no visible messages, but i cannot no for sure there werent any. AP's last message to WP was "i hope ill talk to you again at school XYZ". So apparantly they had discussed going there together next, something i knew nothing of while I was trying to help him find a good next school (which he was always dismissing, now i know why). I feel my resentment for him grow, even though he has been more sweet to me lately. I feel he has not even acknowledged the gravity of what he has done to me. The only thing he did 'right' was voluntarily telling me he gave AP a neck massage once at one of these meetups, I did not know at all. Apparantly she messaged him after rather flirtasiously afterwards, which was deleted.
We are not in IC or CC, as our workschedules don't allow it, though, to be fair he has not initiated it either and I also refuse to do it myself. Sometimes i even doubt this was an EA and it's in my head, but the pain is very very real. Advice is welcome, thank you and sorry for the long read<3
EDIT: I forgot to add that WP did explain his avoidance behaviour and clingyness to this group, he felt like he could finally be the center of attention there, since he couldnt with me and my friends, especially since im an extrovert and WP is an introvert. Thats why he never wanted me with these meetups. Also because he moved from pretty far to my place and these where the only friends who werent 2 hours away

Before I start this, I just want to answer some question I know I’ll probably have to answer later, or share some information that might be important.

1. I have gone no contact with him. (He tries to bait me into talking to him.) Only my friend group knows about the alcohol.
   
2. I know for a fact he drinks, I was with him once when he did it.
   
3. It’s not his parent’s fault, he sneaks it from open vodka bottles in their refrigerator.
   
4. I know he is drinking while underage, I plan to report him to the school counselor if he doesn’t seek help.
   
5. We’re both gay, though I do not like him like that in any way shape or form. He swears up and down he doesn’t like me like that either, but take that how you will.
   
6. He has allegedly been drinking since he was 7. I can neither confirm nor deny this.
   
7. He blames all of his problems on the alcohol.
   

I, 16m, was friends with another boy, 15m, for roughly 4 years. We used to call each other every day to play games. Every single day for 4 years. Everything was fine until I started hanging out with our other (mutual) friends.
After I started hanging out with other people, he began to get very jealous and bitter towards me and the friend I was talking to. He would act annoyed and upset whenever I would do things with my other friends, even though it’s the same things I would do with him. This is when the arguing began. He would make snarky comments toward me indirectly through his bio on either a game we play together or the app we use to text and call. He would always deny that it is about me, even if it was blatantly obvious. (For example, I used to give myself nicknames on the game we play together. He combined the starting letter of the 3 I've used and said something along the lines of “ABC gave me everything but real love.”)
We would argue like this and he would come to school like nothing happened and act friendly towards me, even if it was obvious that I didn’t want to act friendly with him. He would also frequently block me for absolutely no reason, and unblock me after a few hours. If I asked for a reason, he would get mad and change the subject. Of course, I got tired of this and blocked him back one day. To nobody’s surprise, the next day at school he was talking to me and making jokes like absolutely nothing happened.
One day, he even decided it would be a great idea to ignore me while I was sitting right next to him. I would talk to him, wave my hand in front of him to get his attention, and even tap his shoulder. No response. I obviously got fed up with him and let my friends know in a group chat that he isn’t in what was going on incase they were curious why either of us were annoyed. (This wasn't the best idea, I know, however he gets mad when I hang out or talk to them differently than I do with him so the most logical thing to do was to not let him know when I hang out or text with them.)
Before this next part, I have to go back a little bit. Because we would play games together, we would log into each other’s account to farm or grind for something the other wants. This lead to him knowing my password and email. Since he saw me typing on my phone, he saw the group chat that doesn’t have him in it. He took that as a sign that I was talking shit about him to our friends (I truly was not.) and decided to try and hack my account. Luckily, I’ve always used a secondary email on the games we play, so he only got my old account.
Not knowing that this happened, I forgave him for everything that he did prior. A few days later, at the end of school before I left, we were talking when he said the name of my secondary account. Of course, I asked how he knew about it, and he said he logged in. I obviously got very angry at him for this, as I had not given him permission whatsoever. I told him I would have showed him my messages had he just simply asked. This caused him to get angry at me for being angry at him. (He also got angry at me when he got the notifications that he had been removed from my email. I also changed my passwords, have no fear.)
After discussing this with our mutual friends, they confirmed that what he did was not okay. Because I was getting more distant from him, he thought that he should buddy up to someone else in our friend group. (He barely speaks to anyone else if he doesn’t have to.) Of course, he chose the one person that he supposedly hates based on past events. (Not my story to share, I apologize.)
(I don’t remember this part all too well so take it with a grain of salt.) After a while, I decided to give him another chance. We had a conversation where I brought up all of the issues I had with him in a few paragraphs. (Mainly stuff about boundaries and respecting me. Also for pulling my hair whenever he got the chance even though I told him multiple times on multiple occasions to stop.) His response was changing the subject to something different, and about me. I promptly him shut down, however, as he was bringing up stuff that I didn’t do, insisting that he at least acknowledges his problems instead of pretending everything is fine. This ultimately lead to him getting angry and ending the conversation with his signature “Okay. Bye.”
He then went back to pretending everything was normal with me, though he was talking shit about me in a group chat with our mutual online friends and one of our real life friends (The one he hated that I mentioned previously.) She would tell me everything he said about me, but she didn’t want to get involved so I couldn’t call him out for any of it. At this point, I was just tired of fighting, so I went with it. Many more minor arguments happened after this. I won’t include details for the sake of this post not being too unbearably long, since what happened was basically the previous fight over and over.
A while later, one of our friends called him out for his shit, as I had been letting them know what was going on for every argument we had. He got really heated over this, and told her to kill herself and that he never valued her as a friend. She gave no shits at all. He was promptly removed, or left on his own, from all of the group chats with her in them except our main server. They had each other blocked, though to nobody’s surprise that didn’t stop him from talking about her or to her in the server.
Though 2 out of 5 people in our friend group wanted nothing to do with him, that didn’t stop him from sitting with us and trying to joke around with us like nothing happened. For a while, everything was fine. I wasn’t talking to him, he wasn’t talking to me. Another fight happened between him and the friend he hated before, but that isn’t my story to tell either, sorry. The only thing I can say about the fight is that he mentioned his alcohol addiction.
One thing lead to another and I decided to give him one last chance. Again. So, I had another conversation with him, letting him know that im serious about unfriending him if he doesn’t talk to his therapist about the alcohol, jealousy, and obsession with me.
I gave him until the end of the week to talk to his therapist, or I’m gone. Everything was fine until the weekend. I went on a trip to Dollywood on the weekend, 4 of my friends being there. He of course did not come on the trip, as he isn’t in the school club that took us. I asked him on Sunday if he had talked to his therapist about anything yet, and he had said no. I rightfully blocked him, just as I said I would. He proceeded to play the victim and started asking our friends what he did wrong, pretending that I hadn’t told him anything about blocking him.
I unblocked him momentarily to send a message on why I did it. I told him blatantly that if he didn’t talk to his therapist I would block him, and he did not. I may have been a little harsh with my words, but keep in mind that I have given him many chances to grow and learn from his mistakes that he has not taken. He needs help, and I can’t help him. I wished him the best, but told him that the best is not something I am capable of giving him.
After I blocked him again, he edited one of his messages to “call me out” for not doing what he wanted. He claims that I should’ve just listened to his issues and tell him everything was fine instead of letting him know that what he’s doing is wrong. He doesn’t want help, he wants someone to ignore his problems. I told him that im not that person and im tired of pretending I am. He proceeded to make his bio things along the lines of “You never actually loved me” once more.
After his numerous attempts at getting me to talk to him by making his bio about me, I got fed up. I confronted him, letting him know that I don’t want to be friends with him, I don’t want anything to do with him, and that he needs to stop talking about me in his bio. He of course pretended his issues didn’t exist, instead telling me that he would get help for real this time. I let him know that he just admitted to not trying to get help the first time, and that in lying to me, he broke my trust in him.
Because I knew he wouldn’t try to get help, I blocked him after saying goodbye once more. This is when he started openly shit talking me and the friend that called him out one single time. He changed his bio to things about my body he knew I was insecure about, such as my forehead. While I admit that this wasn’t the best thing to do, I gave him a taste of his own medicine. He’s a bigger individual, and he’s told me that he’s insecure about his weight.
Again, I apologize for what I said to him, I was angry when I said it. He said I have a sixhead, so I retaliated with seventeen stomach and that he can’t be talking about me when he looks 5 years pregnant. I mean no hate to pregnant people, I was angry at him when I said it. I do not condone rudeness towards plus sized or pregnant individuals. Back to the story.
He made a post on a platform we all use about how he hates Taylor Swift fans, especially the blonde ones. (Ironic when he was talking about how he liked her a while ago. Also, the friend that called him out is blonde and a big Taylor Swift fan.) So, in retaliation, our other, OTHER friend commented the username to his twitter account where he actively reposts nsfw images of gay furries, often depicted as children. I was the only person that knew about it, since he reposted such images and showed them to me in class, to my discomfort. I am usually not one to air out dirty laundry like that, however he had done something similar to me a while back, and I honestly didn’t care how it would make him feel.
I took another page out of his book and edited my message since we had each other blocked, telling him to stop shit talking me in his bio, and that I wanted nothing to do with him. Since that happened, he hasn’t made his bio anything about me, instead changing it to some joke about being 5 years pregnant.
Nobody has told me that what I’ve done was wrong, I just would like to make sure that I’m not in the wrong here. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Okay so first things first i'm going to confess- i was the one who fucked up. this entire situation is my fault.
I met a girl at school through mutual friends, we'll call her Av for her privacy. I didn't like her originally, but i started to develop a small crush over time. After a couple months i asked her on a date and she said yes. Av is the first person in a relationship with me to have treated me well, and i loved her so much.
Then about a month ago, i had got home from a camping trip with a few of my buds and i was really tired. Like REALLY tired, running on about an hours sleep for three days. I saw one of my female friends (Who is a lesbian) who I hadn't seen in a while, and i gave her a big hug as she said hi. Right as Av walked in. She seemed fine with it at first but started questioning me about it later after school. she asked me maybe 4 or 5 times if i liked her (Av didn't know the girl was a lesbian) and eventually i snapped and had a bit of a go at her. after a bit of silence she texted this:
"Do you think that the two of us are a good idea?"
That sort of shocked me for a bit as i realised what i had actually said to her. I cried that night.
The next day i tried to make it up to her but got told to leave her alone for a bit. Then she called me and we argued over the phone for a couple hours until she hung up and blocked me on everything. A few days later another person told me Av had apparently (If you'll excuse the british slag) Slagged me off (Insulted me) on a group chat with a few other mutuals but i didn't know how much she had done it. i asked for her to unblock me and then i confronted her. And boy did i fuck up. She had barely even talked about me and when she did she was just saying that it didn't end to well. and yet i confronted her like she had committed a crime of some sort against huanity. I made her cry, as i was told afterwards. I hate myself for that.
She hasn't spoken to me irl since, and barely over text. My best mate noticed that i was feeling like shit and asked her about it. she said something along the lines of: "I never said he couldn't talk to me, he just avoids me. There are other people to be around." I miss her so much. I just want her back so bad.

Okay I need advice…To start off with this story. I graduated high school last year and as soon as I turned 18 I got on Seeking. Honestly I don’t come from money and I was headed to college soon my dads a single dad so I decided to find a way to pay for school. It wasn’t my best idea but I did it. I also was a virgin at the time and had a lot of guys texting me. I was going to meet this other guy the day I met my now current boyfriend/sugar daddy. But the other guy ended up getting drunk so I met up with my now bf. Our age gap is pretty big I was a month into being 18 and he was 48. We met up at this hotel in my town and as soon as I got there I regretted it. He was friendly and I was very shy around him. Right after we had sex I went to the restroom and made up something about how my dad was asking where I was at it was like two am. I left the room and went to my car and cried I felt so ashamed that I could do something like that. As soon as I got home I showered and blocked him on everything. A week goes by and I tell one of my good friends and we went to Walgreens to get a plan b just to be safe. I realized soon after that I kind of enjoyed it in a way so I unblocked him and we met up again. When he first messaged me he was offering $750 a week but he only would give me $500 max. I was a little annoyed but naive. I quickly realized he wanted a relationship out of this whereas I wanted a sugar daddy only. I’m in college and I have no time for a relationship. I also had never been in a serious relationship so I became very attached to him. I would rant about past ex bfs and how I would miss them and I guess he got annoyed and started it doing it back to me. In the beginning I only saw him as a sugar daddy so I would post pictures of myself in bikinis and he would get mad at me but I wouldn’t care because he didn’t mean anything to me at the time. After a while I slowly fell in love with him I was shooked because he was old and I was young. Around this time one my siblings were getting skeptical about how I was getting money when I bark worked and went to school. She soon found out and outed me to my whole family. For a week straight my family would call me all sorts of names and that was definitely a low point for me. I was feeling really bad at the time and wanted to run away with him. I later found out he was watching porn behind my back and I felt so mad and sad at the same time. How could he have me and watch those things I thought. He swore to me that he would not do it again and he watched it when he was younger so I guess he kind of got addicted to it in a way. I forgave him and we went on with our relationship. We’ve since been together for almost a year. About two months ago I saw him in many girls likes and follows. They would post there body’s and everything. Not shaming that because I used to do that I was upset with my bf because he would get mad at me and call me insecure when I would do it but liked pictures of other girls doing it. I confronted him about it and he said he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again. Fast forward to last week I was hanging out with him and I kept checking my phone thinking my dad was going to call because I sneaked out to see him. My bf got suspicious and told me to open up my phone so I did. I showed him my messages and snap and he saw that a guy friend had sent me a streak. He was so upset and saying why I was texting another guy. I told him it was a exchange student friend I met in high school and I had a streak with him to keep in touch he was really mad and so I tried to apologize and comfort him. After he said he forgave me and then he got on his phone. Keep in mind he never lets me get on his phone. He owns his own business and he says he doesn’t want me to see his business plans as if I would know what to do with them. I went to his instagram messages and he snatches his phone after he does that I grab it from him and see he texted this girl that had her arch pic as her profile pic. She had slid up on his story and said baeee where he replied with what she said that he had tooken a long time to reply where he said a little:) with a smiley face. I was furious I had drove over and hour to see him and I got my things and I was crying hysterically. He told me he was sorry but somehow blamed it on me. He started yelling at me and saying if you think I want that whore then leave. I was like wtf you texted her back and I’m the one getting shouted at. I later forgave him but now I feel like I let it be okay for so long he’ll just do it again. I’m so in love with him and I don’t want to leave him. I would like someone different to see it in another perspective. Did he make mistakes that I should just forgive or should I just leave now?

(I made a same post but with the photos of texts that "she" sent to me on my account since all the communities that I want to post don't allow them)
So it's mother's Day and my mom is absent in our lives until "now". I won't go into my whole life story but tl:dr tried her best but made hard by being emotionally unstable, unavailable, and would aid it with alcohol and verbal fights. Ok the reason why we're here. I (elder sibling) got kicked out with my dad in 2021. shit got worse in early 2022 with her in financial. Kicked my second oldest sister out during that time. Mom's mom died later that year in September. Forced the rest of my younger siblings to live with us for no reason after it. Horrible funeral/week due to her shit talking, and has been absent pretty much since then. Sure my younger siblings had the visits every other week but it slowly turned into months and now going into more than half a year. During the months of no visits "she" would text my younger siblings through social media, we come from a foreign family so older family members don't have much of an English grasp (unless its my dad multilingual mf) and "her" messages got more articulated in English grammar, at first it was more noticeable with the emails between my parents with her usual simple and poor one sentences, all of sudden proper English with paragraphs. It took so time after those first emails that the text between my siblings and mom started to look the same as the emails. This may be wrong on our part but we had suspicion that someone else was texting for her, so dad found some new guy that was friends on Facebook with her and when the kids visited her they confirmed that it was the same guy living with her. Dad found the 2 ex-wives (out of 3) of his and found out he's a huge con artist that's not allowed to fly internationally (due to his arrest as a con artist, his visa is stripped.) The new boyfriends plan usually was to meet some hopeless women, have a kid and then get married, then proceeded to lie about needing money for sick family in the USA, at first he was in the USA then left to the CAD after he left his first wife. He proceeded to do that for the rest of them. Currently, he's not allowed to talk to the kids from his first and one of the kids from his third ex-wives, while he still allowed visitation rights for the other one and the one he has with his second ex-wife. You may be wondering why this was included but it's because since dad still talks to the second and third ex-wives, he's found out that mom has been seen her boytoys kids more than her own kids, since he needs a supervisor when he visits his kids. When we found out he was texting for mom, dad emailed them telling him to stop texting to the younger kids as mom or else the cops were going to get involved, he replied showing no means to stop and this had happened in December 2022-Jaurary 2023. Ever since then they stopped trying hide the fact that it was him texting as her, and slowly over time though we had blocked her on all social media platforms. Before we had blocked her though, my oldest younger sister, started texting mom telling her to leave us alone and that, us, as the kids didn't want anything to do with her anymore until she stopped the abusive cycle she's put us all in. During all of that, she was calling the same sister at random times at night which started to affect her mental health really badly and she couldn't go to school cause of it. It got worse when she randomly showed up at my her and my little brothers school doing something with their school information, mom tried saying hi and saying she missed them, which scared my sister more thinking she was going to show up again. She tried telling mom that what she was doing was affecting her really badly, they proceeded to respond in the most foolish way, "thinking" that dad was texting, when my sister was trying to be the most professional she could be in that situation. After that situation, all the siblings blocked mom on everything and mom had previous encounters on social media already, so I kept her unblocked on gmail so I could laugh at the emails she can send, like today. The first email is proof how they would respond when they though it was dad, and the second one is from today and you can see the grammatical difference between the two, which explains our suspicions and why we did what we did. By the way, the reason why we can't do anything to restrict communication between mom and my siblings is because here we have a law where only 15+ can get some sort of a restraining order against someone and the oldest sibling of the youngest is a year or 2 from being able to, and for dad, this all still going through court trials (this why 2022 was shitty to begin with) cause of that, dad's been trying co-operative while mom has been doing the complete opposite, causing the court stuff to drag on. As much as what we're doing isn't the nicest or what you would call supportive but 18+ years of neglect, harm, and deprivation has caused a lot of pain and struggle coming into adulthood and with mom doing these moments still, I feel like I'm getting dragged back into my little self. Every one of my siblings shows their hurt from her in their different ways but not gonna lie with these months of no communication with mom, I've seen my family grow into people we should've been growing up with her, I don't have my old habits like tiptoeing everytime, everyday just for talk or food, or having to blust music 24/7 into headphones because she'd always scream at anyone for doing something wrong, we joke without worrying about someone commenting negative, we can play and rough house without yelling, we can be loud without someone screaming to shut the hell up, we can do our chores whenever we can, not being screamed at to do it at this moment. There's been ups and downs with our growth but this is a lot better than being not human living with her.
This year's mother's Day hasn't been pleasant, but I do enjoy the company of my grandma's, alive and dead. Happy mother's Day.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
EDIT/DISCLAIMER: FFS FOLLOW THE NO BRIGADING RULE = DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS LINKED IN BoRUs!! THIS OFC ALSO INCLUDES NOT TEXTING THE OOP DIRECTLY, NOT REPORTING THEM TO SUBS LIKE care AND NOT INCLUDING THEM IN THREADS AND DISCUSSIONS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE, THIS SUB IS MADE TO LURK AND GET SOME SPICY STORIES WITH CLOSURE, NOT TO HARRASS PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ALOT OF INPUT THROUGH DIFFERENT SUBs!!
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
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UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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