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2024.05.19 19:38 dnelson2408 Summary of this channel, data, and news for the last 3 weeks.
 | Afternoon all, submitted by dnelson2408 to RILYStock [link] [comments] I thought it might be fun to try and take the last three weeks and have a recap of the data and news surrounding RILY. I just searched this sub and news outlets and such for the last 3 weeks and took notes then fed them into an AI software asking it to summarize everything. In no way is this Financial Advice just a fun task. "The financial landscape for B. Riley Financial, Inc. showcases a dynamic narrative of operational resilience and strategic positioning. The company's recent activities reflect a strategic focus on managing debt obligations effectively while optimizing business segments for sustainable growth. The strategic review process for Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses is progressing, indicating a commitment to enhancing operational efficiency and value creation. In the earnings summary, a net loss of $51 million was reported, primarily driven by investment-related losses and professional services expenses. Despite these challenges, the company's strategic initiatives and operational performance remain robust, as highlighted in the earnings call. Executives Bryant Riley and Tom Kelleher emphasized the company's operational excellence and strategic direction, underscoring a commitment to shareholder value and sustainable growth. The company's strategic reviews and commitment to shareholder value remain steadfast amidst market volatility caused by short manipulation. Furthermore, the full redemption of $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 signifies a proactive approach to managing debt and strengthening the company's financial position. This strategic move aligns with the company's focus on optimizing its capital structure and enhancing financial flexibility. Overall, B. Riley Financial's narrative is one of resilience, strategic foresight, and operational excellence in navigating market dynamics and challenges. The company's commitment to financial prudence, strategic reviews, and operational performance positions it well for sustained growth and value creation in the evolving financial landscape." Below is the data the AI used to create the summary. Just copy and pasted from a very quick and crude gathering of information into a word doc. I also enjoyed the earnings summary the AI did. The last line made me feel happy thoughts. - In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 1. Cohodes being loud and classless examples https://preview.redd.it/xymj94vp5f1d1.png?width=637&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d9f18f4f877f7fb518039bc78198e77e3fcd190 https://preview.redd.it/bxacg0bp5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a4eba6a4a39457cc47661be5836008976b37fc6 https://preview.redd.it/q5kdr5qo5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=14dcb5473ed7dcac4646eaba2b983806f32bd875 https://preview.redd.it/ky1hlc1o5f1d1.png?width=789&format=png&auto=webp&s=4c603719820d06ea91d9181ad3c41734a603b795 https://preview.redd.it/soco7bjn5f1d1.png?width=969&format=png&auto=webp&s=dfbcf20f984e391c51afcc89e46597d1d9dff6ad https://preview.redd.it/pwbnnwwr5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe06146b727540c291825eda8db5f33b11e9e992 2. Discussion about FUD and shorts deception I see the shorts (Marc Cohoded and Co.) are still at it, trying to l use a fake psychological twist to cause doubt. Let's stick to the facts and let the price go where it will in the long term. Short thesis was and is there was fraud, both proven wrong by independent investigation and a clean independent audit if the 10-K and now 10-Q. You can slap that one around anyway you want, but both came up clean. First, they have stated their intentions of a sale of a carried undervalued asset (Great American) by a third party for a massive realized gain. Good for the investors and bond holders as they said they would use funds to deleveverage the balance sheet and buy back stock which already has very little float. Second, I have never seen a company that is paying dividends go under whith out, completely eliminating the dividends first (RILY still pays a dividend and baby bonds are all current--none are in any default). Third, business has been good with lots of new hires, new capital makets raises and fees and their business seems to be thriving. Shorts will try to mislead all of us with their lies and deciept but if we hold strong I believe that the stock will go to at least 50 ish in the short term where they did their secondary. I believe at that point, RILY may run into a bit of resistance. However, a squeeze could easily send us through that to new highs. Patience is the key as they have stated all this in their press releases in the recent past. If we al on this sitel just buy 100 to 1000 shares on Monday and hld through the 29th to get the dividends. this will rocket to new heights. This is not a recommendation, simply my thoughts. Do your own due diligence. 3.Stop lending shares=pain for shorts = short squeeze If all longs can stop lending shares at least I believe we can cause shorts to cover. There is no valid short narrative, both longs and shorts know this. Now it’s purely who can hold out longer. Shorts have been very active as of late trying to push share price lower and with many of us loaning shares out we are actually helping the shorts hurt us. I believe if we stopped lending out shares borrow rate skyrockets and that added cost combined with dividend and gradual upward movement will force shorts to cover. Granted news release can help but we don’t need news we just need to stop lending and wait and see. 4. Smoking Gun: Thursday dropped because shorts borrowed and sold 724K shares (with 2MM total volume) and 447K on Wednesday (with 1.3MM total volume). They're trying to drive price down, induce panic, get folks to sell, and buy back shares at a super low price. https://preview.redd.it/hopdxkbt5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=3945adf69a00addb0c2da4ea0c26b2a4de2749b3 5. Article showing RILY coming back https://www.investmentnews.com/broker-dealers/news/b-riley-bouncing-back-after-tough-winter-253448 6. Rily - Day 3 of short attactks - There's a positive Our favorite shorts cohodes&co is on overdrive releasing as much fake accusations as possible, they now have been adding a lot to their position at a higher price point with shares in the 30s, now the shorts cost basis has gotten worse for them. With more shares at a worst cost with dividends coming due as well as borrow fees , shorts have less wiggle room especially if stock goes to 40 again. Now at 40 I believe they will be losing money. With insiders hopefully buying soon and the company continuing their share buy back program , that can lead to upward movement in share price leading to the “squeeze “. 7. $RILY Earnings Summary Not financial advice. It was an interesting investor call, an almost boring call which was refreshing. The company had a net loss of $51m driven by non-cash items including $29m unrealized loss on investments and a $30m fair value adjustment on their loans. Cash flows were pretty good, with operating cash flows of $135m and adjusted operating EBITDA of $66m. Targus and American Freight contributed nothing this quarter, both companies are historically strong businesses but have been working through a business cycle post-COVID after many Americans bought the things they needed. Those companies should improve in the next year. The company previously announced a potential sale of Great American Group. Q-1 earnings for that segment increased to $35m of EBITDA, so at 10-12x a potential sale is looking like $350-$420m. On the call they said that is expected by early Q3. They also mentioned possibly looking at a sale in their Brands division later this year with the goal of retiring their discounted debt, citing it as an opportunity. The short thesis crumbled last month with a clean 10-K and two internal investigations which added an additional $7m in expense but presumably were quite thorough and completely debunked claims by bears. There are no shares available to borrow per Fintel: https://preview.redd.it/ukhk0tou5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0622973216e0293d7f2699c1b6eee3216824305e And short interest remains at approximately 65% with 9 million shares short, though the retail float is thought to be much smaller, maybe 2m shares. The company has $34m available at quarter end for buybacks from a previously approved program. I see value here, and I liked what I heard on the call. 8. Misconceptions - Rily Share Structure [THIS POST IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY] mumen_rida There seems to be a lot of confusion about the company’s share structure and I would like to use this post to help not only my own understanding but also help others. It’s a bit confusing but let’s tackle it together. I got this information from marketwatch: Total Float = 30 million shares Public float = 16 million shares Shares sold short = 9 million shares % of public float sold short = 56.38% According to fintel: Institutional ownership = 14.18 million shares So let me get this straight, there is 16 million shares in the public float and institutions own 89% of that (14.18 million shares). So that would mean retail investors collectively only have about 1.82 million shares to trade around amongst ourselves. Let’s call that retail float. So, retail float = 1.82 million shares. Let’s wrap up all the most important information (imo) regarding the current share structure and please correct me if any of the information I presented here today is false: Total float = 30m Public float = 16m Shares short = 9m Retail float = 1.82m Where I think it gets the most interesting is when you divide shares short by retail float. 9/1.82= 4.95 or 495% of retail float. Hope this helps clear up any confusion regarding the share structure. REPSONSE TO THIS BELOW EnvironmentalBreak48 •3d ago THIS RESPONSE IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. NFA. Do your own DD, make your own decisions. Based on OP calculation. 1. Total Float: About 30 million shares. 2. Public Float: 16 million shares. 3. Shares Sold Short: 9 million shares. 4. % of Public Float Sold Short: 56.38%. 5. Institutional Ownership: 14.18 million shares. 6. Retail Float: 1.82 million shares (calculated as Public Float - Institutional Ownership). Given this information: Understanding Short Interest· Shares Sold Short: About 9 million shares.· Retail Float: 1.82 million shares. · Short Interest as a Percentage of Retail Float: 9 million shares/1.82 million shares≈495% This high percentage indicates that the short interest is nearly five times the available retail float, which could lead to a short squeeze if investors hold onto their shares and/or demand increases. Days to Cover (Short Interest Ratio)The Days to Cover metric gives an estimate of how many days it would take for short sellers to cover their positions based on the average daily trading volume. Here’s how to calculate it:1. Determine the average daily trading volume (ADTV): This information is usually available on financial websites like MarketWatch or Yahoo Finance. Let’s assume the ADTV is 1,000,000 shares (this is an example, you should use the actual ADTV for a more precise calculation). 2. Days to Cover: Shares Sold Short/ADTV Using our example ADTV: Days to Cover=9,000,000 (short shares)/1,000,000(Avg. Daily Volume)=9 days Days to Cover Potential Implications· High Short Interest Ratio: A high Days to Cover ratio suggests it would take a significant amount of time for shorts to cover their positions, which can lead to increased volatility.· Potential for a Short Squeeze: With a high percentage of the retail float sold short, if retail investors decided to hold their shares and the stock price rises, short sellers may be forced to buy back shares at higher prices, leading to a potential short squeeze. · Limited Retail Float: With only 1.82 million shares available for retail trading, any significant buying pressure from institutional investors and/or retail investors it could quickly drive up the stock price. 9. Why Even the Joker Thinks You’d Be a _____ For Not Taking A Look at RILY Stock Batman here. You might know me as the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader, or the guy who really, really, really wants to own a spaceship. Today, straight from the Batcave, lets talk about something as exciting as racing the Batmobile or the return of Roaring Kitty—RILY stock. First off, let’s talk numbers, because even a superhero knows the importance of a strong financial foundation. RILY has been buying back shares like Alfred buys Bat-gadgets—strategically and frequently. This move isn’t just a nifty trick; IMO it’s a signal that RILY is confident in its value. When a company buys back its own shares, it’s like Batman investing in more Batarangs—it’s a smart play that shows belief in future performance. But that’s not all, folks. The recent buzz around RILY isn’t just cat signals in the sky—it’s grounded in solid developments. RILY had to work hard to file their 10K after all the mudslinging from the shorts, but got it done. The first big catalyst domino to fall. Now, let’s get to the juicy part—earnings and dividends. RILY’s about to drop their Q1 earnings tomorrow, and you know what that means? Dividends! That’s right, folks. RILY is likely to declare a dividend, that our short friends will be paying. Dividends are like the Batmobile’s turbo boost—an extra kick that gets you excited and propels you forward. Plus, once they file their Q, a few days later insiders should be able to start buying again. Form 4s anyone? Here’s where it gets really interesting: meme stocks are back with a vengeance, wow talk about a left jab, and shorts are on their heels. The RILY squeeze might start very soon or it might not, but with shorts potentially facing margin calls due to price movements in various holdings, and especially if they’ve been shorting RILY all the way down it has not been a good week for the shorts so far. Just look how RILY stock popped this morning on about 200k in volume. To add insult to injury, to date, NONE of the short thesis has come to fruition or has been confirmed by independent information. They’re in quicksand, and it’s time to gas up the rocket. There are still several catalysts that may come into play here: Q1 Earnings Release: Scheduled to be filed tomorrow, providing insights into the company's recent performance. The deal flow on their website was up YoY. Dividend Announcements: Anticipated dividends right around the corner. Insider Buying: Once the Q1 earnings are filed, insiders should be able to buy stock again, expect to see some Form 4s in very short order. Sale of Great America Division: If RILY sales Great American, they have said the proceeds from this sale are expected to be used to reduce debt and fund further stock buybacks, potentially enhancing shareholder value. Low Float: With a limited number of shares available for trading, increased demand can lead to significant price movements. Buybacks: Ongoing buybacks can continue to support the stock price. Meme Stock Momentum: With meme stocks making a comeback, there's increased interest and activity in stocks that are short and that could drive up RILY’s stock price. Short Squeeze Potential: Low public float, company buybacks, insider buying…mix that up and you have the recipe for a potential squeeze. Roaring Kitty's Return: The return of Roaring Kitty, a key figure in the meme stock movement, brings renewed attention and excitement to the stock market in general. And, guess who just chimed in on RILY earlier today? That's right—JeffAmazon from the GameStop meme trade and Netflix documentary! He made a little tweet tweet on $RILY Additional Catalysts: What do you all think….. Stay vigilant, stay smart, and just my thoughts—do your own due diligence and make your own decisions. NFA. 10. FAKE ARTICLE BULLSHIT FUD………… Well, IMO even Stevie Wonder can see that the latest article on FRG is just another hatchet job. IMO the problem with creating a narrative is that the facts can’t keep up, and boy, did they fall behind here. RILY conducted not one, but two independent investigations and found zilch issues with its FRG investment or loans made to Kahn. And guess what? No connection with Prophecy either. FRG did their own investigation and also found no connection with Prophecy. So, to call the relationship between RILY and FRG controversial is like calling a puppy dangerous—laughable. In RILY's 10k, they marked up their FRG investment FMV $281 million to $286 million… FRG's FY23 financials are public, and the attached table shows the maturities of their debt. In 2024, about $10.5 million in debt is maturing. Big deal. Looming debt? Hardly. The real kicker is in 2026 when about $1.5 billion of debt matures—not this year, not next. LOL. The FRG financials clearly state they were in full compliance with their debt covenants in FY23 and fully expect to be in compliance in FY24. Yet, "the people" say FRG is down double digits in Q1. Funny timing with RILY's Q1 financials coming out on Wednesday, huh? And by the way, FRG's adjusted EBITDA for Q1 FY23 was $66 million, not the $62 million the article claims. Why not use the actual FRG public company number? Maybe because when you're rushing to write a hit piece, you just pick random numbers. https://www.globenewswire.com/en/news-release/2023/05/10/2665414/0/en/Franchise-Group-Inc-Announces-First-Quarter-Fiscal-Year-2023-Financial-Results.html So, according to the article, FRG is down 63% in revenue ($66 million vs. the alleged $25 million). Sure, FRG sold Badcock and Sylvan Learning, so they might be down YoY, but down 63%? FRG sold in FY24 Q1 Sylvan for $185 Million cash….and they’re worried about paying $10.5 million in long term debt due this year. Got it. https://www.franchisetimes.com/franchise_mergers_and_acquisitions/unleashed-brands-buys-sylvan-learning/article_a568813e-d4c7-11ee-bb32-1f85230cfdda.html https://preview.redd.it/lry689p16f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0714b3b378abb528f0abb470ade0deb3d34c2d39 •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop NT-10Q mirrors the press release about the 5-day delay on the 10Q. It's the formal document for the SEC. It also includes estimated earnings. 13F-HR lists their investment holdings as of 3/31. "Estimated results of operations for the three months ended March 31, 2024 are summarized as follows:Cash and cash equivalents is expected to be approximately $191 million at March 31, 2024, a decrease of $41 million from $232 million at December 31, 2023. Total debt is expected to be approximately $2.19 billion, a decrease of approximately $170 million from $2.36 billion at December 31, 2023. This reflects the early redemption of approximately $115 million of senior notes during the three months ended March 31, 2024. Net loss available to common shareholders is expected to be approximately $51 million during the three months ended March 31, 2024 compared to net income available to common shareholders of $15 million in the prior year. The net loss is due to non-cash items which includes unrealized losses on investments and fair value adjustments on loans of approximately $59 million; in addition to incremental expenses of approximately $7 million incurred for professional fees relating to the filing of our 10-K and outside counsel review and subsequent independent investigation conducted as part of the previously disclosed investigation of the Audit Committee of the Company’s Board of Directors." 12. Friendly PSA: Manage your emotions •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop I'm optimistic that the shorts' game will begin to fully unravel this week. This is a PSA to please manage your emotions, set your strategy intelligently, and don't get carried away by emotion. For many longs, the past months have had a lot of negative emotion. Especially for long-time holders, who watched the full show: · Initial short attacks · Months of tailspin · Months of trading sideways like an EKG · A run up to $40 · A swift retrace -25% · Endless vicious attacks on the company, its clients, its employees, its auditors, and on any individual who publicly states they see value in the company (including personal attacks on people on this sub) Whether you got in years ago, and stayed for the growing business, fat dividends, and diversification...or got in last week because the short ratio is astronomical... The recovery to fair value, whatever path it takes (squeeze, or gradual) will provoke a varied and wide range of emotions. The emotional component of investing is the hardest part. Personally, I think it's a deep value play, and I'm not anxious to jump off the train. It's a company where insiders are huge owners, and their interests are truly aligned with shareholders. Because they're the biggest individual holders. The huge extra profit sharing dividends of 2021+ were impressive; this company rewards shareholders. Please manage your emotions. Please invest intelligently. Please be nice to other nice people. This isn't financial advice, but it is life advice. Manage your emotions, and make intelligent decisions. 13. RILY RS Article 76 to 83 https://www.investors.com/ibd-data-stories/b-riley-financial-shows-rising-price-performance-with-jump-to-83-rs-rating/ B. Riley Financial (RILY) saw a welcome improvement to its Relative Strength (RS) Rating on Thursday, with an increase from 76 to 83. IBD's proprietary rating tracks share price performance with a 1 (worst) to 99 (best) score. The score shows how a stock's price performance over the trailing 52 weeks stacks up against all the other stocks in our database. Over 100 years of market history reveals that the stocks that go on to make the biggest gains typically have an 80 or higher RS Rating as they begin their biggest climbs. Now is not an ideal time to jump in since it isn't near a proper buy zone, but see if the stock manages to form a base and break out. The company showed 0% EPS growth last quarter. Revenue rose -9%. The company is expected to report its latest earnings and sales numbers on or around May 15. The company earns the No. 24 rank among its peers in the Finance-Investment Banking/Brokers industry group. Interactive Brokers (IBKR), Piper Sandler (PIPR) and Ameriprise Financial (AMP) are among the top 5 highly rated stocks within the group. 14. Announcement of 2024 Annual Meeting June 21st https://www.sec.gov/ix?doc=/Archives/edgadata/0001464790/000121390024041725/ea0205510-01.htm 15. Repost: $RILY DD: The real price potential...when the stock is a solid/growing company (not just a squeeze). 9 days ago BleepBlimpBop In response to multiple requests, reposting my DD on price potential from 2 months ago. Will hopefully facilitate intelligent thought about price potential. -------- Many have been speculating about the squeeze price potential (75.72% of free float shorted per Fintel). Lots of posts discussing "how high" and "how soon." As others have observed, correctly, no one knows. However, I think we can look at financials, and past price, to get a good indication of a reasonable range, after any "squeeze dust settles." Let's recognize a few things: A) It's a growing, and historically very profitable business. It's not GME (dying company with obsolete business model). B) It rewards its shareholders with regular dividends, and large special dividends when profits are high. C) It spent a year (early 2021 to early 2022) around $70/share. Plus or minus $20. High of $90. D) July 2023 $100MM share offering was at $55, with lots of institutional interest, and lots of employee interest (7% of the new shares). It was only a small discount to the $60 stock price at the time (often, the offerings are at a much greater discount to induce institutions to invest). · Institutions do their due diligence - they don't buy unless they think it's a good deal. · Same with employees! E) It didn't tank because their business model is obsolete (i.e., GME issue). It tanked because of: · Short seller reports spewing fear, uncertainty, and doubt. · Rampant flimsy speculation · Poor earnings during a crappy time for investment banking (their main business), and some unfavorable mark-to-market of some of their investments. · Note that RILY makes a business of supporting and investing in companies in distress. When they provide financial options, they also actively help the company right the business. That process takes time, so there's often interim volatility in the value of their assets. But their historical investment returns and recovery rates seem to be very good. Profitable, but can create volatility in the books as it plays out. · Character assassinations. F) From the looks of it, now that Reg Sho is in place, a concerted group using naked short selling, spoofing bid/ask, keeping a cash account to sell shares and manipulate low volume (all speculations, but notice the radical difference in how it trades now that there's regulator scrutiny and forced settlement - as well as observant people here and on Twitter calling out the egregious observable issues in the trading action) G) It's continued to grow since 2021/2022 (look at the investor presentation in December). They've continued to disclose deal flow and make acquisitions since. What does that all mean? A) $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state price if the shorts moved on, profitability returns to normal levels, and the company was the same size as 2021-2022. B) Significantly higher than $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state, given growth in the company, and a return to historical scale of profitability. · You can also bet-your-bottom-dollar they're going to make sure their balance sheet is IRONCLAD go forward, and they do a better job of explaining their business. · Management owns a huge chunk of the business, and they'll **never** want to be susceptible to this crap again. C) A squeeze could have one of two impacts: · Return the business to a reasonable steady-state price (e.g., $70-100+) · Accelerate the company well above a steady-state price, where it could remain for an extended period, or return to a normal steady-state price. D) A squeeze isn't necessary to return this to a steady-state price. Just time... Company executes, shorts pay high borrow fees, shorts hedged positions decay. How do I think about it? · I'd love to see the slightly-slower-road to steady-state. · I'd love love to see the fast road back to steady-state. · I'd love love love to see this thing shoot well beyond any reasonable steady-state, and bankrupt the most vocal short sellers. By all appearances, they rank among the more degenerate of their species. · For those that sell early, they'll be sad watching from the sidelines. The road may not be linear, but I think it's paved with gold. These are my thoughts. Not financial advice. To the moon, baby. 16. $RILY- “They can win by doing nothing 12 days ago Outrageous_Appeal_89 “ Whitebrook capital assessment addressing cohodes&co BS at the peak of their false accusations and in a polite way stating short funds were making things up (misinformation & manipulation ). It seems $RILY is executing on some of the recommendations Whitebrook capital had - share buy back and bond buy back has been executed and continues to be executed on. Whether you invest in $RILY for the long term prospects or the short squeeze that can be triggered any day as lie after lie is exposed. Bottom line is the fair value of $RILY is a lot higher then where it currently trades. We will get a better idea whether share prices deserves to be in the 50s or 60s as we get an update on GAG valuation. Seems many here forget that $RILY creates value by turning companies around and then monetize, this process takes time , they have been able to do this successfully, repeatedly over the years. https://preview.redd.it/uiisruq36f1d1.png?width=792&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6c32c04877ae21b51cb8a99cee0aef17cdb32c4 17. 3 Videos from Value Don’t Lie on Youtube talking about Financials of RILY and overall company valuation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRenvff8duE&t=1s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoaCZw7AmpA&t https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_Ayoox3fvM 18. Getting around the NBBO and Longing the Box So let this sink in… the market opens and in 5 minutes we rally to $34.42, then over the next 15 minutes we drop to $28.80 at which point SSR was triggered and sell volume slows WAY the hell down. That drop was ALL short sellers and NO longs selling shares (otherwise the sell-off wouldnt have stopped literally minutes after SSR triggered). NOW, what the scumbag shorts are doing is going Long Against The Box. 19. Steve Cohen and Point 72 buy 24,917 shares long on May 15th https://preview.redd.it/fhdhyco46f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=6600f6a9a3f0bc5bc8823cddb5f52defdf282063 20. Summarize this earnings call and keep pertinent quotes and data in the summary. https://filecache.investorroom.com/mr5ir_briley2/925/RILY_1Q24_Earnings_Release_vFINAL.pdf Chat GPT Summary of the full report below B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) reported its first-quarter 2024 financial results, showcasing resilience and operational strength despite facing challenging market conditions and unique internal events. Here's a summary with a positive outlook: First Quarter2024 Highlights:1. Quarterly Dividend Declaration:
Leadership Insights:
Looking Ahead:B. Riley's strategic initiatives, such as debt reduction and selective investments, position the company for continued success. The ongoing strategic review of its Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses indicates a proactive approach to optimizing its portfolio. The firm remains committed to delivering value to its shareholders through dividends and operational excellence.In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 20. State of the Stock 15 days ago UF_Secret_Account Not financial advice, do your own research. Don't take advice from the internet, consult a professional financial advisor. On April 19th, the stock closed at $19.99. Today, it is over 50% higher after a positive 10-K clearing the company of fraud allegations. The stock touched $40 on April 26 and 29, a 100% gain from a week prior. The short interest has remained relatively consistent during the move, with 10-11 million shares still short. However, given the time lapsed, I think it's safe to assume that most of those shares were covered and re-shorted in the last two weeks. For future research, we should assume they have an average $35 entry on their short positions. 1st quarter earnings are coming soon. Like many of you, I am a little curious that it hasn't been announced yet, but I have no concerns with everything the company has on its plate. 10-Q's are unaudited and it's very unlikely there is anything to be concerned about, in my opinion. The company could be coming to the end of their strategic review for GAG. That will eventually result in some additional financial statement adjustments for presentation. I would expect 1st quarter earnings to be good based on their deal flow and reported transactions. In November 2023, the board approved $50m for stock buybacks. The company repurchased 728,330 shares at an average price of $21.85, but mainly bought shares in November. That's $16 million spent, and means the company had $34 million approved to buy back stock at year end. The program continues through October 2024. At our current price, that would be 1.1 million shares (3.3% of the outstanding stock). That is significant for a stock with this many outstanding shares, but more significant for the number of freely traded shares which is far less. How many times have we seen huge price moves on small blocks of shares? If the company adds $10-15 million to that program, that's another 300,000-500,000 shares. Again, it doesn't sound like a huge number but it would add pressure to what will become a dire situation for the shorts. The shorts may decide not to cover, or to continue the strategy of taking their losses and re-shorting, but their ability to influence the stock back to a level where they truly profit is nonexistent in my opinion, particularly when volume dies between market-moving events. I am eyeing the $50-$55 range as my price target in the next move up. 21. NOTE on FRG Independent Auditor’s Report One of the positive things I see IMO was for the billion dollar loan that matures in 2026. “On July 2, 2021, the Company repaid $182.1 million of principal of the First Lien Term Loan using cash proceeds from the sale of the Liberty Tax business. The prepayment also satisfied the requirements for the quarterly principal payments so no additional principal payments with respect to the First Lien Term Loans (excluding the Incremental First Lien Term Loan) are due until the First Lien Term Loan maturity date.” To me this gives them some flexibility for their cash as there isn’t much long term debt due in 2024 or 2025. https://preview.redd.it/ib92t7e66f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=df286021b0653db92122e33df0ed37f1068a0c6c 22. on May 3rd Cohodes or someone else got media to report 4th quarter from last year as q1 earnings this year. Which was a lie and FUD https://preview.redd.it/nlau48276f1d1.png?width=623&format=png&auto=webp&s=832695b6c331c3df6dbcb861dc90551ee42a036a 23. B. Riley Financial Announces Full Redemption of 6.75% SR Notes Due 2024 17 days ago Wolfiger LOS ANGELES, May 1, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) ("B. Riley" or the "Company") today announced that it has called for the full redemption equal to $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of its 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 (the "Notes") on May 31, 2024 (the "Redemption Date"). The redemption price is equal to 100% of the aggregate principal amount, plus any accrued and unpaid interest up to, but excluding, the Redemption Date, as set forth in each notice of redemption delivered to noteholders on May 1, 2024. https://ir.brileyfin.com/2024-05-01-B-Riley-Financial-Announces-Full-Redemption-of-6-75-Senior-Notes-due-2024 24. 8k filed May 1st for Nasdaq Compliance 25. Found management bonus if above 136 by October. Did anybody else know that a part of managements comp was in the form of Performance-based Restricted Stocks Units with a vesting date of 10/27/24 AND A HURDLE PRICE OF $135?!? https://preview.redd.it/wo2uh54k5f1d1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=8b6dedf28ec845b2170647674f5b39b6eaac96a1 |
2024.05.19 19:28 confuze0 This is my story. I am now the problem. How do I change my mindset once more?
(F21, M21, together for 2 years, found out 6 months ago)
TL;DR: relationship is healing after his porn addiction and micro-cheating. We have had many conversations, he makes a solid effort and seems to be a changed man. The problem now is the constant flashback reminders. How do you trust again, seeing daily triggers, when the relationship is seriously improving? How to reprogram the mind into renewing trust once more, so I’m not stuck in the past?
**I know people don’t read long posts but if even one person has advice I will seriously appreciate it! PSA: our first relationship. **
Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my best friend before that for 3. I get it, we’re young and it’s normal for guys to watch porn blah blah blah. But this was cheating.
The week we were official, we discussed porn. I asked him how he would feel if I watched porn and vice versa. He expressed strong discomfort. I asked if it would be beneficial to us, he agreed it wasn’t. Since neither of us thought to gain sexual gratification through anybody else, and wouldn’t walk into a strip club or brothel, we decided not to do it online either. We agreed in the conversation that porn is now considered cheating, and off-limits boundary. He admitted to having a porn addiction before, since he was 12.
Fast forward to 6 months into the relationship. I noticed he became far more degrading in sex and also far less interested in me. He would make up excuses for being busy (despite living with me, I know it was quick but this wasn’t official living, he was with me 6 nights a week in a flat on my parents property. We basically lived together as I moved into the flat instead of the main house). After sex, I would explain that I don’t like being degraded THAT much (I normally don’t mind a bit but this was a noticeable difference). He apologised. I asked him if he was watching porn on countless occasions after that, feeling as though the sex was scripted or weirdly unnatural. I told him it was okay if he was watching, I would just prefer to know. He said “of course not” every. Single. Time.
Fast forward to 10 months in. At this point we had been official for that long, but “seeing” each other for roughly a year. I had consistent dreams about him cheating on me with the girl he slept with (my toxic ex-best friend, before we were together in school). She used to judge me for being close friends with him then one day said “I had sex with him last night” as if it was a power move that she got the guy who was flirting with me.
I had insecurities because she is tiny and petite, would talk shit about me to him and brag about having sex with him when he first showed signs of interest in me back at school). Before the porn I struggled with this history and used to cry mid-sex over it because I felt annoyed I wasn’t as sexually experienced or petite as she was. I hardly thought about her after overcoming this so it was weird I saw her fucking him in my dreams after 3 years no contact. My gut was screaming something is wrong.
He left his laptop at mine, (this never happens so I took the opportunity) he had openly told me the password to it before so I knew. Anyway, only come to find that in his search history he has Grace Charis, Kim Kardashian’s tits (he typed a typo so he searched 9 times to find the images) and other girls scattered through his timeline since the last time he cleared his search history. This was without incognito, I could only imagine what else was hidden. It killed me because he told me one of his friends’ girlfriends looked like Kim Kardashian once, I instantly remembered. Yuck.
What hurt most was his instagram. He “never” uses it, and often takes days to respond to cute stuff I send him on there. Turns out he was searching Asian AI pornstar models on instagram (hana_bunny bunny or something), 2 DAYS after my birthday! (Which he put barely any effort into. My 21st he bought me a bucket of cheese and flowers. Thanks I guess?? I spent hundreds for his 21st and made him a book of personalised memories and drawings).
Fast forward. I felt sick to my stomach like never before. Left work early and he knew I went home because he noticed my car wasn’t at work, so he came over. I confronted him. Asked him if he remembered how we talked about porn being cheating? He said yes. I asked him why he thought I deserved to be cheated on then, to which he was silent. I explained how I felt and cried to him saying I would never look like them, and we agreed not to do it.
He confessed straight away. I asked him what genres he normally went for, of course he said “college girls fucking”. Also said he mostly used the top pornhub results that week and did it roughly twice a week for the past 8 months despite the conversation. I believe it was more times than this. At least he was admitting to some of it.
Lots of discussing followed and has ever since. Lots of empty-handed apologies when it was brought up. He purchased porn blockers that I could easily outwit within half a second of testing. But at least he was spending money to fix the problem and it was his idea.
He offered couples counselling but it’s so expensive, I can barely afford rent. He’s offered to pay but I think I need private sessions first, I’m exhausted even explaining this in writing let alone talking to a stranger. I think it’s just a me problem now.
He then decided living with his mates would be better than living with me, despite us going to the same city and same university for the next year ahead. I had turned down moving to another state because he said he would never move there. He told me I had “no chance” of ever living with him and his friends in a heated argument. He said he didn’t want me to “become an accessory to his life”, words he has apologised for but I never forgot.
He moved in with them… but here’s the thing. One of (our mutual) roommate friends has a girlfriend (different girl) whom he has admitted he used to be really attracted to. I told him I would feel gutted that he couldn’t just choose to live with strangers instead so I don’t have to deal with the discomfort of him seeing her potentially more than me, and also that way we would both be in the same position, starting fresh (not choosing his friends over living with me). He then tells the boyfriend I’m upset because he used to like his girlfriend and sugarcoated it, which obviously isn’t the whole story. He told me his friends say I’m crazy for being upset over that, lessening the chance of me ever mingling with them again. Mind you, these guys have all cheated on their partners before and discouraged him from living with me.
Fast forward again. I’m struggling to find a job. I have to pay triple rent because he doesn’t want to live with me at this new place. He has job offers left right and centre, one of them being at a hostel, which is also a club. I told him any of the other 8 jobs sound really good, that’s the only one I’m uncomfortable with due to his porn addiction. I’m worried he will just be flirting the whole time. I was right. He chose that job despite the sadness and anxiety he knew it would bring me.
One day, he BUTT DIALLED me at work (lmaooo). I could hear him flirting with girls in another language (I didn’t know he was learning another language!) and laughing with them like I’ve never heard before. Then he bragged about it to his coworkers and said “she’s so nice, such a great girl”. They cheered him on for speaking the language.
I was fuming. I nearly called it quits that night but since, he has been making an effort. He has drastically improved his behaviour and genuinely makes an effort. He said he has changed his ways, he has apologised many times and though I don’t think he’s necessarily watched porn since I found out, it has been 6 months since, and I’m devastated like it’s the day it happened. The flirting. The way he behaves when I’m not around. I will never know when he’s being disloyal, which sucks. But it’s not like he’s actively messaging or sleeping or hooking up with anyone, it’s only small stuff.
He has done little things here and there to try and reignite the passion: flowers, cards, chocolates and dates etc. which I really appreciate. He doesn’t leave his laptop at mine, even if he knows he is coming back over the same day with it, which was a red flag to me. But so far, I don’t think he’s watching porn. And I have seen a huge improvement in the relationship overall.
My problem now is the reminder. I can’t trust him the way I used to. Every time I see a model I want to crumble. Every time I see Kim Kardashian or Kanye or golfers (Grace) or ads or beautiful women from different countries, it kills a part of me. I have no idea how to move on from this. I get flashbacks all the time. Our intimacy is pretty good still. But every time he calls me beautiful I don’t buy it. There’s always someone better, I feel worthless and I can’t control it anymore. I feel terrible because whilst he’s making great efforts, I still don’t trust him and feel insanely insecure at the thought of him getting to live a double-life. He is a beautiful soul who really does bring out the child in me and I don’t want to lose that. I feel so bad that my brain has changed its thought process. We are now in a much better place together.
He has been proving himself but it still makes me feel like shit knowing I was never good enough for him in the first place. I was his 7th, he was my 1st, not that I care but it explains my devastation. Hence why it’s so heavy for me. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough. He was happy to keep secrets and risk the relationship on multiple occasions, but now that things are fine I’m starting to process more. I need a quick fix to changing my mindset and believing him again to save our relationship. Because things are different now and I have hope for us in the future.
—————————- I would LOVE advice on ways to reverse negative thinking. Ways to forgive, truly, and to learn how to believe partners again. I need new tools to be more resilient and confident again, otherwise this won’t survive. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if I didn’t think it was worthwhile, I don’t want to put 5 years down the drain and would like advice other than merely breaking up. I’ve seen a difference, I am the problem now.
Does anyone have any healthy mind habits they can share, or positive ways to overcome this situation? How do you trust again and stop comparing when triggers arise?
submitted by confuze0 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]
TL;DR: relationship is healing after his porn addiction and micro-cheating. We have had many conversations, he makes a solid effort and seems to be a changed man. The problem now is the constant flashback reminders. How do you trust again, seeing daily triggers, when the relationship is seriously improving? How to reprogram the mind into renewing trust once more, so I’m not stuck in the past?
**I know people don’t read long posts but if even one person has advice I will seriously appreciate it! PSA: our first relationship. **
Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my best friend before that for 3. I get it, we’re young and it’s normal for guys to watch porn blah blah blah. But this was cheating.
The week we were official, we discussed porn. I asked him how he would feel if I watched porn and vice versa. He expressed strong discomfort. I asked if it would be beneficial to us, he agreed it wasn’t. Since neither of us thought to gain sexual gratification through anybody else, and wouldn’t walk into a strip club or brothel, we decided not to do it online either. We agreed in the conversation that porn is now considered cheating, and off-limits boundary. He admitted to having a porn addiction before, since he was 12.
Fast forward to 6 months into the relationship. I noticed he became far more degrading in sex and also far less interested in me. He would make up excuses for being busy (despite living with me, I know it was quick but this wasn’t official living, he was with me 6 nights a week in a flat on my parents property. We basically lived together as I moved into the flat instead of the main house). After sex, I would explain that I don’t like being degraded THAT much (I normally don’t mind a bit but this was a noticeable difference). He apologised. I asked him if he was watching porn on countless occasions after that, feeling as though the sex was scripted or weirdly unnatural. I told him it was okay if he was watching, I would just prefer to know. He said “of course not” every. Single. Time.
Fast forward to 10 months in. At this point we had been official for that long, but “seeing” each other for roughly a year. I had consistent dreams about him cheating on me with the girl he slept with (my toxic ex-best friend, before we were together in school). She used to judge me for being close friends with him then one day said “I had sex with him last night” as if it was a power move that she got the guy who was flirting with me.
I had insecurities because she is tiny and petite, would talk shit about me to him and brag about having sex with him when he first showed signs of interest in me back at school). Before the porn I struggled with this history and used to cry mid-sex over it because I felt annoyed I wasn’t as sexually experienced or petite as she was. I hardly thought about her after overcoming this so it was weird I saw her fucking him in my dreams after 3 years no contact. My gut was screaming something is wrong.
He left his laptop at mine, (this never happens so I took the opportunity) he had openly told me the password to it before so I knew. Anyway, only come to find that in his search history he has Grace Charis, Kim Kardashian’s tits (he typed a typo so he searched 9 times to find the images) and other girls scattered through his timeline since the last time he cleared his search history. This was without incognito, I could only imagine what else was hidden. It killed me because he told me one of his friends’ girlfriends looked like Kim Kardashian once, I instantly remembered. Yuck.
What hurt most was his instagram. He “never” uses it, and often takes days to respond to cute stuff I send him on there. Turns out he was searching Asian AI pornstar models on instagram (hana_bunny bunny or something), 2 DAYS after my birthday! (Which he put barely any effort into. My 21st he bought me a bucket of cheese and flowers. Thanks I guess?? I spent hundreds for his 21st and made him a book of personalised memories and drawings).
Fast forward. I felt sick to my stomach like never before. Left work early and he knew I went home because he noticed my car wasn’t at work, so he came over. I confronted him. Asked him if he remembered how we talked about porn being cheating? He said yes. I asked him why he thought I deserved to be cheated on then, to which he was silent. I explained how I felt and cried to him saying I would never look like them, and we agreed not to do it.
He confessed straight away. I asked him what genres he normally went for, of course he said “college girls fucking”. Also said he mostly used the top pornhub results that week and did it roughly twice a week for the past 8 months despite the conversation. I believe it was more times than this. At least he was admitting to some of it.
Lots of discussing followed and has ever since. Lots of empty-handed apologies when it was brought up. He purchased porn blockers that I could easily outwit within half a second of testing. But at least he was spending money to fix the problem and it was his idea.
He offered couples counselling but it’s so expensive, I can barely afford rent. He’s offered to pay but I think I need private sessions first, I’m exhausted even explaining this in writing let alone talking to a stranger. I think it’s just a me problem now.
He then decided living with his mates would be better than living with me, despite us going to the same city and same university for the next year ahead. I had turned down moving to another state because he said he would never move there. He told me I had “no chance” of ever living with him and his friends in a heated argument. He said he didn’t want me to “become an accessory to his life”, words he has apologised for but I never forgot.
He moved in with them… but here’s the thing. One of (our mutual) roommate friends has a girlfriend (different girl) whom he has admitted he used to be really attracted to. I told him I would feel gutted that he couldn’t just choose to live with strangers instead so I don’t have to deal with the discomfort of him seeing her potentially more than me, and also that way we would both be in the same position, starting fresh (not choosing his friends over living with me). He then tells the boyfriend I’m upset because he used to like his girlfriend and sugarcoated it, which obviously isn’t the whole story. He told me his friends say I’m crazy for being upset over that, lessening the chance of me ever mingling with them again. Mind you, these guys have all cheated on their partners before and discouraged him from living with me.
Fast forward again. I’m struggling to find a job. I have to pay triple rent because he doesn’t want to live with me at this new place. He has job offers left right and centre, one of them being at a hostel, which is also a club. I told him any of the other 8 jobs sound really good, that’s the only one I’m uncomfortable with due to his porn addiction. I’m worried he will just be flirting the whole time. I was right. He chose that job despite the sadness and anxiety he knew it would bring me.
One day, he BUTT DIALLED me at work (lmaooo). I could hear him flirting with girls in another language (I didn’t know he was learning another language!) and laughing with them like I’ve never heard before. Then he bragged about it to his coworkers and said “she’s so nice, such a great girl”. They cheered him on for speaking the language.
I was fuming. I nearly called it quits that night but since, he has been making an effort. He has drastically improved his behaviour and genuinely makes an effort. He said he has changed his ways, he has apologised many times and though I don’t think he’s necessarily watched porn since I found out, it has been 6 months since, and I’m devastated like it’s the day it happened. The flirting. The way he behaves when I’m not around. I will never know when he’s being disloyal, which sucks. But it’s not like he’s actively messaging or sleeping or hooking up with anyone, it’s only small stuff.
He has done little things here and there to try and reignite the passion: flowers, cards, chocolates and dates etc. which I really appreciate. He doesn’t leave his laptop at mine, even if he knows he is coming back over the same day with it, which was a red flag to me. But so far, I don’t think he’s watching porn. And I have seen a huge improvement in the relationship overall.
My problem now is the reminder. I can’t trust him the way I used to. Every time I see a model I want to crumble. Every time I see Kim Kardashian or Kanye or golfers (Grace) or ads or beautiful women from different countries, it kills a part of me. I have no idea how to move on from this. I get flashbacks all the time. Our intimacy is pretty good still. But every time he calls me beautiful I don’t buy it. There’s always someone better, I feel worthless and I can’t control it anymore. I feel terrible because whilst he’s making great efforts, I still don’t trust him and feel insanely insecure at the thought of him getting to live a double-life. He is a beautiful soul who really does bring out the child in me and I don’t want to lose that. I feel so bad that my brain has changed its thought process. We are now in a much better place together.
He has been proving himself but it still makes me feel like shit knowing I was never good enough for him in the first place. I was his 7th, he was my 1st, not that I care but it explains my devastation. Hence why it’s so heavy for me. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough. He was happy to keep secrets and risk the relationship on multiple occasions, but now that things are fine I’m starting to process more. I need a quick fix to changing my mindset and believing him again to save our relationship. Because things are different now and I have hope for us in the future.
—————————- I would LOVE advice on ways to reverse negative thinking. Ways to forgive, truly, and to learn how to believe partners again. I need new tools to be more resilient and confident again, otherwise this won’t survive. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if I didn’t think it was worthwhile, I don’t want to put 5 years down the drain and would like advice other than merely breaking up. I’ve seen a difference, I am the problem now.
Does anyone have any healthy mind habits they can share, or positive ways to overcome this situation? How do you trust again and stop comparing when triggers arise?
2024.05.19 18:27 KaleidoscopeGlobal12 AIO for wanting to break up with my gf because she romanticizes being serious and negative?
We’ve been in a long distance relationship for 1 1/2 years and I’m visiting her right now. I only got involved with her because I saw her to be very spiritually conscious, kind, independent, and someone who I thought I could heal as well as could heal me. Things have shifted. After spending time with her (this is now my 2nd trip) she has explicitly revealed to me that she strives to be an “ass faced” serious and negative person as her default. I’ve also made another AIO post in the past about how she does tik tok lives for money (lives in a less fortunate country) and how she has placed money as the most important factor in why she does it - in addition to her originally claiming she was off social media for good when we met and her having guys in her DMs that she claims to be either gay guys or strictly friends when I express my stress and concern, because I had caught her in the past using an app called meete with convos with guys for “money”. (She also threatened the relationship over me accidentally liking 2 photos of girls I knew who I had no sexual history with.) However what I need counsel on is if I should put up with her reactions to small things despite her saying I’m her “one and only” and other love bombing things. Most recent example is us playing chess together on my phone (she said she wants to learn despite her not being experienced) and got mad when I do things like take out her queen. She called me a piece of shit and gets mad, not holding grudges, but more often than not I need to say things like I don’t want to fight and then things get mended. I also, all the time, need to ask her to not get mad when we play games like this. This wasn’t the first example of that. She will also be very easily influenced by an angering situation and will start slamming doors, be more susceptible to yelling at her dog, and doom scroll on tik tok for hours. I’ve frequently had to focus on making her feel better when my healing journey isn’t even done myself and I feel like I’m neglecting myself. When I got into this relationship I felt like I wouldn’t have to. She has recently tried for the first time to console me after I started feeling too stressed, but the energy made it feel like it was a chore to her. One time she made 130$ off a tik tok live but I discovered an underwear picture of her on her profile that i had no idea about. When I asked her about it she dismissed it as a trend and only deleted it when confronted. She then had an anxiety attack because I didn’t acknowledge the money she made and I had to comfort her the rest of the night while being on the verge of one myself, because I knew her past history of having sought attention from other guys. However she love bombs me and makes it feel stressful to leave. Last time I visited she made the last week extra special for me before I left to keep up the image of her I fell in love with, and she will do the same again as I leave soon.
I just don’t want to be tied down with someone who doesn’t strive for happiness all the time, which is how I want to live my life. And I want a relationship where we do our best all the time and never be negative unless we really have to. I have started feeling so much stress because for a long time, it was her having negative reactions to small things and me bending over backwards to be as accommodating and loving as possible, with little changing over a long period of time. When she consoled me when I was stressed, it started with a sigh and then her holding me. That didn’t feel genuine. So despite her love bombing me and calling me her love of her life despite the negativity I absorb from her, should I feel empowered to walk away? I really want to and explore other amazing qualities I can consistently find in other women, especially not romanticizing negativity and chasing euphoria together, especially not the social media version of it, but something that will make both of us fall in love with life itself.
submitted by KaleidoscopeGlobal12 to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]
I just don’t want to be tied down with someone who doesn’t strive for happiness all the time, which is how I want to live my life. And I want a relationship where we do our best all the time and never be negative unless we really have to. I have started feeling so much stress because for a long time, it was her having negative reactions to small things and me bending over backwards to be as accommodating and loving as possible, with little changing over a long period of time. When she consoled me when I was stressed, it started with a sigh and then her holding me. That didn’t feel genuine. So despite her love bombing me and calling me her love of her life despite the negativity I absorb from her, should I feel empowered to walk away? I really want to and explore other amazing qualities I can consistently find in other women, especially not romanticizing negativity and chasing euphoria together, especially not the social media version of it, but something that will make both of us fall in love with life itself.
2024.05.19 17:57 Useful_Lavishness601 I don't know what to do anymore....
(I am using a new account to post this, i have been in the infidelity subreddit since January, just didnt want this linked to my other accounts. Mods, please reach out to me for verification of being in group with other accounts if need be.)
I apologize in advance for the long post, I'm trying to edit as I go, but I am typing it quickly on my phone.
I (37F) have been with my husband (36m) for almost 13 years, married almost 12. About 2.5 years ago we hit a rough patch and stopped communicating and working together. Around that time we had his daughter (13) move in with us, she is severely depressed among other mental health disorders. When she came to us, she had been using drugs and drinking for the previous 6 months, so we set about getting her sober and working through withdrawals. School was also a constant battle, getting her to do her schoolwork and practice the things she was learning in therapy. I say we were dealing with all of this, however, it was mostly on me. My work schedule allowed me to adjust my availability to work with her therapy schedule and to alow me to be home to help with schoolwork. My husband is working third shift and unfortunately had been unable to move to a different shift, so I didn't mind carrying a lot of the load he was working to provide for the family. In the midst of this my SD ended up getting hospitalized for having a plan to unalienable her self, in dealing with the recovery from that we also had multiple deaths in the family (6 total between the 3 of us in a year and a half).
So that is the stress that caused us to begin to disconnect. My focus stopped being on our relationship and I was constantly dealing with putting out fires. My step daughter and I began butting heads, her psychiatrist attributed it to her borderline personality disorder. Our house started tuening into a war zone, I would go to my husband and ask for help and he wouldn't step in or fully have my back. My SD was opening disrespectful and aggressive towards me and we would get into verbal arguments (not in the beginning, the relationship devolved).
While all this was going on at home, my husband began to confide in a female coworker. He mentioned one day to me how he had a crush on her, I told him I wasn't comfortable with the friendship. He kept it on, eventually moving to her team to work along side her. Now he has never physically done anything, not making an excuse just painting the picture. As he confided in her and got closer to her, he began to have feelings for her. She knew/knows about his crush. He would come home constantly talking about her, and about her relationship problems (her cheating on her significant other with a different coworker). About how he would give her advice about her relationships, and so on. I still kept asking for distance.
January of this year he came to me and told me he wanted to move out. That he wasn't in love with me and wanted to see where things would go with a different coworker (who was also in a relationship). We went back and forth for a few days about how he wanted to leave before he finally told me about the other woman. We spent the night and next day talking about everything and he decided to stay and work on us. He stopped communicating with her, told her they weren't to speak to each other any longer at work and that was it. After a few weeks she got a new job and quit.
Beginning of February my SD moves back to her mother's after she had been fighting about going back for ages. My husband and I had gotten to the point with her therapists, that there was really nothing more we could give/offer her. So we let her go, hoping that things would start to improve for her if she was in an environment where she wanted to be. She has been doing slightly better, and does seem happier.
End of March/Beginning of April, I had a feeling and took a day off from work so my husband and I could talk. My husband decided to tell me he was leaving me and moving out, that he was moving to a camper on the first coworkers property and would live there. Apparently she had been in his ear the whole yime we had been working on each other, telling him to leave me. Reminding him of how his daughter and i fought, and that we would scream and call each other names. I again begged for distance between them, and asked him to stay and work on us REALLY work on us. I told him I need to get a better job so I don't have to be financially dependent on him, as I don't want him to feel obligated to give me money (he said he would if he moved out). He decided that yes, we would work on us that he would tell this coworker that we were working things out. At first they were still friends as before and then she started reminding him of all the negative things and never being supportive of him working on his marriage.
Which brings us to now, I started having a feeling again last week and asked him why he was diatant. He told me that his coworker was moving to another shift and he was sad that he was losing his friend. By this point I had had him block her on social media, and was under the impression they stopped communicating unless it was about work. Well no, she had been in his ear after about 2-3 weeks of us building back from April. So with this feeling I had, I came home early from work and he told me again that he was leaving. That he didn't love me (which he told me he said to try and make it easier, but that he still does and I know he does) and she had asked him to move to her place. He told me he loved her and wanted to see the what if. I messaged her and told her to back off from my husband and allow us to work on us, and that it was impossible with her being in his ear constantly. She went off on me and my husband and blocked us both.
We are working things out, and we both know we need this cloud of her gone before we can truly connect. So he is going into work tonight and I am just filled with so much anxiety. He is stressed out because work is going to be stressful, he thinks she is going to make his life miserable. He is going to talk to one of the managers and see of he can switch places with someone else on another team, while waiting out her going to an opposite shift (she's going to first shift, while he is still on third and in a different department.) We are also in the process of applying for new jobs for both of us, for a fresh start and more distance.
I just hate feeling like my life is up in the air, I love this man with all my heart and I am still in love with him. I told him that I will be here to support him as he starts his grieving process of losing that friendship and potential romance. (Hie screwed up is that, but at the end of this he is still my best friend and i do not want to see him hurting.) I told him I don't want us to talk about splitting up in the future while we are working on us, I only want us to be positive. I told him I know us fully working on us will only really start to happen once she is no longer in his life and he can grieve. I asked him to atleast give me that much, to atleast try and then attend marriage counseling if we hit a wall. He has agreed, but I still have so much anxiety about all this. I know it will pass, but it's just so hard.
submitted by Useful_Lavishness601 to Infidelity [link] [comments]
I apologize in advance for the long post, I'm trying to edit as I go, but I am typing it quickly on my phone.
I (37F) have been with my husband (36m) for almost 13 years, married almost 12. About 2.5 years ago we hit a rough patch and stopped communicating and working together. Around that time we had his daughter (13) move in with us, she is severely depressed among other mental health disorders. When she came to us, she had been using drugs and drinking for the previous 6 months, so we set about getting her sober and working through withdrawals. School was also a constant battle, getting her to do her schoolwork and practice the things she was learning in therapy. I say we were dealing with all of this, however, it was mostly on me. My work schedule allowed me to adjust my availability to work with her therapy schedule and to alow me to be home to help with schoolwork. My husband is working third shift and unfortunately had been unable to move to a different shift, so I didn't mind carrying a lot of the load he was working to provide for the family. In the midst of this my SD ended up getting hospitalized for having a plan to unalienable her self, in dealing with the recovery from that we also had multiple deaths in the family (6 total between the 3 of us in a year and a half).
So that is the stress that caused us to begin to disconnect. My focus stopped being on our relationship and I was constantly dealing with putting out fires. My step daughter and I began butting heads, her psychiatrist attributed it to her borderline personality disorder. Our house started tuening into a war zone, I would go to my husband and ask for help and he wouldn't step in or fully have my back. My SD was opening disrespectful and aggressive towards me and we would get into verbal arguments (not in the beginning, the relationship devolved).
While all this was going on at home, my husband began to confide in a female coworker. He mentioned one day to me how he had a crush on her, I told him I wasn't comfortable with the friendship. He kept it on, eventually moving to her team to work along side her. Now he has never physically done anything, not making an excuse just painting the picture. As he confided in her and got closer to her, he began to have feelings for her. She knew/knows about his crush. He would come home constantly talking about her, and about her relationship problems (her cheating on her significant other with a different coworker). About how he would give her advice about her relationships, and so on. I still kept asking for distance.
January of this year he came to me and told me he wanted to move out. That he wasn't in love with me and wanted to see where things would go with a different coworker (who was also in a relationship). We went back and forth for a few days about how he wanted to leave before he finally told me about the other woman. We spent the night and next day talking about everything and he decided to stay and work on us. He stopped communicating with her, told her they weren't to speak to each other any longer at work and that was it. After a few weeks she got a new job and quit.
Beginning of February my SD moves back to her mother's after she had been fighting about going back for ages. My husband and I had gotten to the point with her therapists, that there was really nothing more we could give/offer her. So we let her go, hoping that things would start to improve for her if she was in an environment where she wanted to be. She has been doing slightly better, and does seem happier.
End of March/Beginning of April, I had a feeling and took a day off from work so my husband and I could talk. My husband decided to tell me he was leaving me and moving out, that he was moving to a camper on the first coworkers property and would live there. Apparently she had been in his ear the whole yime we had been working on each other, telling him to leave me. Reminding him of how his daughter and i fought, and that we would scream and call each other names. I again begged for distance between them, and asked him to stay and work on us REALLY work on us. I told him I need to get a better job so I don't have to be financially dependent on him, as I don't want him to feel obligated to give me money (he said he would if he moved out). He decided that yes, we would work on us that he would tell this coworker that we were working things out. At first they were still friends as before and then she started reminding him of all the negative things and never being supportive of him working on his marriage.
Which brings us to now, I started having a feeling again last week and asked him why he was diatant. He told me that his coworker was moving to another shift and he was sad that he was losing his friend. By this point I had had him block her on social media, and was under the impression they stopped communicating unless it was about work. Well no, she had been in his ear after about 2-3 weeks of us building back from April. So with this feeling I had, I came home early from work and he told me again that he was leaving. That he didn't love me (which he told me he said to try and make it easier, but that he still does and I know he does) and she had asked him to move to her place. He told me he loved her and wanted to see the what if. I messaged her and told her to back off from my husband and allow us to work on us, and that it was impossible with her being in his ear constantly. She went off on me and my husband and blocked us both.
We are working things out, and we both know we need this cloud of her gone before we can truly connect. So he is going into work tonight and I am just filled with so much anxiety. He is stressed out because work is going to be stressful, he thinks she is going to make his life miserable. He is going to talk to one of the managers and see of he can switch places with someone else on another team, while waiting out her going to an opposite shift (she's going to first shift, while he is still on third and in a different department.) We are also in the process of applying for new jobs for both of us, for a fresh start and more distance.
I just hate feeling like my life is up in the air, I love this man with all my heart and I am still in love with him. I told him that I will be here to support him as he starts his grieving process of losing that friendship and potential romance. (Hie screwed up is that, but at the end of this he is still my best friend and i do not want to see him hurting.) I told him I don't want us to talk about splitting up in the future while we are working on us, I only want us to be positive. I told him I know us fully working on us will only really start to happen once she is no longer in his life and he can grieve. I asked him to atleast give me that much, to atleast try and then attend marriage counseling if we hit a wall. He has agreed, but I still have so much anxiety about all this. I know it will pass, but it's just so hard.
2024.05.19 17:34 LGBTQIA_Over50 Will a law firm hire a former whistleblower to work as a paralegal in the Chicago area?
I can list my credentials and positive qualities about myself.
And then I can listen to outsiders list the negatives.
I am an honest woman, who has faced systemic barriers, due to age (now), my never married- childfree status, (gender non-conforming).
I see people suggest things like apply to be a legal secretary or admin, "it takes time to train you to become a paralegal."
But they don't know what I can do and have done. They assume I have the same skills that they do, the same knowledge and learning capacity.
No one asks me questions and just glances at my resume but doesn't know what skills I used in those jobs.
Maybe I am qualified to study for LSAT to apply for law school. Maybe I have that skill level, but due to health and financial reasons, I can't do that, so Paralegal work is just fine.
Maybe I wrote my own petition, motions and interacted with opposing counsel, and used Pacer.
How much "training," would it really take me to be a paralegal if I already worked in Insurance, Mortgage, Property Management and all areas of Human Resources?
I've performed analytical and research work, used proprietary software systems, Microsoft, Teams, and performed confidential file case management work.
Despite some people's beliefs that college isn't necessary, I've worked my way through college twice, earning a little beyond a Masters including professional industry certifications. Some people say degrees are worthless. I don't generalize like that. Some people work and go to school at night, others, lived on campus all 4 years and enjoyed the college experience.
I have not denigrated anyone for graduating from college.
I not shamed anyone for choosing marriage and children. But those who do, have a different skill set than a woman who never took the mommy and wife route.
Many completely long term singles developed survival skill, resourcefulness, and interpersonal skills, all while remaining single and childfree in our family-centric world.
I need to be honest. If you were an attorney looking to hire a paralegal, I would build trust and he transparent and share about my prior Civil legal matters. I'd have to. And then I would hope that you would recognize my integrity, and courage, to stand up for what is right and for doing what is right, despite being blacklisted from working in the private sector.
Does anyone know of a law firm who would potentially consider me for paralegal work in Illinois? I would absolutely love this kind of work.
I need an income for an apt, utilities, food, car, insurance for car, health, dental, vision, and living needs to be successful.
submitted by LGBTQIA_Over50 to chicagojobs [link] [comments]
And then I can listen to outsiders list the negatives.
I am an honest woman, who has faced systemic barriers, due to age (now), my never married- childfree status, (gender non-conforming).
I see people suggest things like apply to be a legal secretary or admin, "it takes time to train you to become a paralegal."
But they don't know what I can do and have done. They assume I have the same skills that they do, the same knowledge and learning capacity.
No one asks me questions and just glances at my resume but doesn't know what skills I used in those jobs.
Maybe I am qualified to study for LSAT to apply for law school. Maybe I have that skill level, but due to health and financial reasons, I can't do that, so Paralegal work is just fine.
Maybe I wrote my own petition, motions and interacted with opposing counsel, and used Pacer.
How much "training," would it really take me to be a paralegal if I already worked in Insurance, Mortgage, Property Management and all areas of Human Resources?
I've performed analytical and research work, used proprietary software systems, Microsoft, Teams, and performed confidential file case management work.
Despite some people's beliefs that college isn't necessary, I've worked my way through college twice, earning a little beyond a Masters including professional industry certifications. Some people say degrees are worthless. I don't generalize like that. Some people work and go to school at night, others, lived on campus all 4 years and enjoyed the college experience.
I have not denigrated anyone for graduating from college.
I not shamed anyone for choosing marriage and children. But those who do, have a different skill set than a woman who never took the mommy and wife route.
Many completely long term singles developed survival skill, resourcefulness, and interpersonal skills, all while remaining single and childfree in our family-centric world.
I need to be honest. If you were an attorney looking to hire a paralegal, I would build trust and he transparent and share about my prior Civil legal matters. I'd have to. And then I would hope that you would recognize my integrity, and courage, to stand up for what is right and for doing what is right, despite being blacklisted from working in the private sector.
Does anyone know of a law firm who would potentially consider me for paralegal work in Illinois? I would absolutely love this kind of work.
I need an income for an apt, utilities, food, car, insurance for car, health, dental, vision, and living needs to be successful.
2024.05.19 17:32 LGBTQIA_Over50 Will a law firm hire a former whistleblower to work as a paralegal?
I can list my credentials and positive qualities about myself.
And then I can listen to outsiders list the negatives.
I am an honest woman, who has faced systemic barriers, due to age (now), my never married- childfree status, (gender non-conforming).
I see people suggest things like apply to be a legal secretary or admin, "it takes time to train you to become a paralegal."
But they don't know what I can do and have done. They assume I have the same skills that they do, the same knowledge and learning capacity.
No one asks me questions and just glances at my resume but doesn't know what skills I used in those jobs.
Maybe I am qualified to study for LSAT to apply for law school. Maybe I have that skill level, but due to health and financial reasons, I can't do that, so Paralegal work is just fine.
Maybe I wrote my own petition, motions and interacted with opposing counsel, and used Pacer.
How much "training," would it really take me to be a paralegal if I already worked in Insurance, Mortgage, Property Management and all areas of Human Resources?
I've performed analytical and research work, used proprietary software systems, Microsoft, Teams, and performed confidential file case management work.
Despite some people's beliefs that college isn't necessary, I've worked my way through college twice, earning a little beyond a Masters including professional industry certifications. Some people say degrees are worthless. I don't generalize like that. Some people work and go to school at night, others, lived on campus all 4 years and enjoyed the college experience.
I have not denigrated anyone for graduating from college.
I not shamed anyone for choosing marriage and children. But those who do, have a different skill set than a woman who never took the mommy and wife route.
Many completely long term singles developed survival skill, resourcefulness, and interpersonal skills, all while remaining single and childfree in our family-centric world.
I need to be honest. If you were an attorney looking to hire a paralegal, I would build trust and he transparent and share about my prior Civil legal matters. I'd have to. And then I would hope that you would recognize my integrity, and courage, to stand up for what is right and for doing what is right, despite being blacklisted from working in the private sector.
Does anyone know of a law firm who would potentially consider me for paralegal work in Illinois? I would absolutely love this kind of work.
I need an income for an apt, utilities, food, car, insurance for car, health, dental, vision, and living needs to be successful.
submitted by LGBTQIA_Over50 to jobs [link] [comments]
And then I can listen to outsiders list the negatives.
I am an honest woman, who has faced systemic barriers, due to age (now), my never married- childfree status, (gender non-conforming).
I see people suggest things like apply to be a legal secretary or admin, "it takes time to train you to become a paralegal."
But they don't know what I can do and have done. They assume I have the same skills that they do, the same knowledge and learning capacity.
No one asks me questions and just glances at my resume but doesn't know what skills I used in those jobs.
Maybe I am qualified to study for LSAT to apply for law school. Maybe I have that skill level, but due to health and financial reasons, I can't do that, so Paralegal work is just fine.
Maybe I wrote my own petition, motions and interacted with opposing counsel, and used Pacer.
How much "training," would it really take me to be a paralegal if I already worked in Insurance, Mortgage, Property Management and all areas of Human Resources?
I've performed analytical and research work, used proprietary software systems, Microsoft, Teams, and performed confidential file case management work.
Despite some people's beliefs that college isn't necessary, I've worked my way through college twice, earning a little beyond a Masters including professional industry certifications. Some people say degrees are worthless. I don't generalize like that. Some people work and go to school at night, others, lived on campus all 4 years and enjoyed the college experience.
I have not denigrated anyone for graduating from college.
I not shamed anyone for choosing marriage and children. But those who do, have a different skill set than a woman who never took the mommy and wife route.
Many completely long term singles developed survival skill, resourcefulness, and interpersonal skills, all while remaining single and childfree in our family-centric world.
I need to be honest. If you were an attorney looking to hire a paralegal, I would build trust and he transparent and share about my prior Civil legal matters. I'd have to. And then I would hope that you would recognize my integrity, and courage, to stand up for what is right and for doing what is right, despite being blacklisted from working in the private sector.
Does anyone know of a law firm who would potentially consider me for paralegal work in Illinois? I would absolutely love this kind of work.
I need an income for an apt, utilities, food, car, insurance for car, health, dental, vision, and living needs to be successful.
2024.05.19 16:25 Advanced-Ad-1201 My (29M) fiace (25F) left me due to my overreaction when finding out she was pregnant with our child. Can i ever regain herr trust?
Hey people,
I have a tough situation that i'm going through right now and i could use some advice to see if things can be mended or if this is not possible. This is going to be a very long one, my apologies....Even with all this, it does not contain half of the whole story. (sorry for the spelling errors, English is not my frist language)
Short background: i live in Europe and she lives in the U.S. we were planning on moving in together in my country due to family/friend issues that she had in the U.S. and after being here she found that my country felt more like home than her home. We were set to get married this year and had everything planned out. She would take her 3 dogs and her cat with her, work or study here and we would settle here. It would be a little bit of a tough start, but we would figure it out. We both had a little worry for our finances but it would be okay eventually.
pregnancy and panick: In late january of this year we found out that my then fiance was pregnant with our child. At that time i panicked over it because of the situation we were in at the time. In short, neither of us owned a house, i did not own a car, she had substantial debt to pay off, there would be 4 pets, a wife and now also a child under my responsibility and it scared the shit out of me. I'm absolutely not proud of what i did and ashamed of my behavior, but what i proceeded to do over the span of a whole weekend was the following: ask if she would be willing to go for an abortion multiple times, drink a bottle of wine and get intoxicated, buy a pack of sigarettes (i don't smoke), and basically just act inconsiderate and like a total ass.
After the weekend where i had my tantrum, i head her cry over the phone and it woke me up from my stupid behavior and i realized (too late) that i royally screwed up. I apologized for it and we talked about how angry she was and rightfully so. In that moment, again, i started to do things i shouldn't have done by: continuesly try to talk about it, fix it, and not give her space where she needed space. All i did was say "sorry sorry sorry please forgive me, sorry sorry sorry". That again, is not the way to go about it. She did ask me to fly to the u.s. to talk face to face so i booked plane tickets that same day for the next week. After 3/4 more days of that i pulled myself together (again...too late) and sent her a message stating that i know what i have done and been doing is wrong and i have a lot of difficulty not trying to fix it because i knew i messed up and hurt her and from that day i would just leave her be and not talk. Finally giving her the space she needs from me.
Anger and breakup: After all of the above in the weekend that followed, she called me and said that she had an amazing time together, but she did not see a future with me at this time. We had a long phone call about it and se said that if i were to come over to the U.S. for that week, that would be up to me but that is where she stands. So that is what i did, i came over to the U.S. and she said that we will spend this week getting to "re-know" eachother. She did say that we were still in a relationship and still engaged...which i found odd to hear but i was happy about it nonetheless. In this week i made sure to take a moment every day to sit her down somewhere and simply take a moment to apologize for my behvior and that i am incredibly sorry for what i have done. We went out to dinner a few times and just talked about everything. Though in the end it led to the same result, she did not see a future with me. I had tried a last time to have a conversation about it, but she gave me back the engagement ring and said no. Hurt by this, i went out for a long walk and just breathed and accepted that i screwed it up and went back to her saying that she is right, i will give her the space she asks for and let her go. She became angry and sad over this and said that she had just went through the fase of dealing with the breakup and now i am making her do that all over again, she started packing up all my gifts and gave it back to me. I did not understand that and am still a little confused about it. The day after, i had my flight back home and she dropped me off at the airport. she said that "despite how it looks, she still loves me" to which i said that i love her too. We hugged and siad goodbye and i left.
Back home week 1: In the first week, she had told me that i could call her 20 times a day and she would still pick up her phone. We can talk to eachother and we still love eachother and want the best for eachother. She kept me updated about the child and i was happy to simply talk to her and hear her say that she loves me. She had planned to talk to a pastor from her church which did couples counseling and wanted to first do this by herself and then together with me (over skype or zoom etc.). She gave me a book called "how to be the love you seek" and said i could listen to it on her spotify because that is exactly how she identifies and she relates a lot to this book, so i started to give it a listen and took notes of everything i thought was important. We made a plan t odiscuss teh book together over the phone soon and go over the notes that i made. We were broken up but there was hope.
week 2/3: I tried not to text her too often anymore and said that i am available at any time should she need me and will give her the space she asked for by not constantly texting. After a few days she was becoming more agitated and short in her responses. My words were often twisted in to something negative and they constantly made her angry. I didn't understand what was going on, but i thought she was angry and just wanted me to know. We had planned a phone call to discuss the book one weekend and the phone call started off by her telling me "i asked for space and it's not being respected". We taked about everything for a moment and then ended it where i told her that i love her and she said "good to hear". She said that she didn't want to say anything she didn't mean. After a week we texted a few times a day, but barely anything, just a good morning, baby update, and goodnight. I would check in on how she was doing, and that is it. I didn't know what to do or say anymore because for some reason everything was mkaing her angry regardless of what i say, and so i tried not to text her unless she texts me.
week 4 end of conversation: In the first week of march, she had her appointment with her pastor, where she would talk about us, but as she said "not in theway that i think she was going to talk about us". After the conversation she wanted to discuss it with me. though the day she had the conversation she texted me and said "i do not feel ready for a conversation, i will let you know when i am." and she asked me to make bulletpoints for the conversation. I was also not allowed to speak to her cousin anymore as she was trying to be a "middleman" for the both of us, but my ex wanted to have all the conversations between the two of us. i told her that i will do that, and i told her i also started therapy. Yet that was the last thing i have heard from her untill 2 months later.
2 monts of silence and my letters: Whle not speaking to her for 2 months I had been going to therapy twice a week and sought help for why i reacted the way that i did. I had time to reflect and started to slowly piece together a better mindset. I had noticed in the mean time that she had deleted me from social media and deleted some of the piutres she had of us. then later on deleted everything and started selling her engagement dress and date dresses she had bought and finally blocked me from social media entirely.
Late april, i thought it would be a good idea to send her a letter instead of a text. i had written page after page where i had written down the many things that i did wrong and how much shame i feel for it. In the end i realized that i was simply doing too much again and i decided to send her an envelope with 2 letters. 1 containing the many letters combined, and 1 containing a single letter that simply said (summarized) "i am sorry, i will be there for you whenever you need me, you don't have to do life on your own". She did not react to it and 2 weeks later i sent her a text asking how she was doing and if she recieved the letters. she responded by saying she did and she has been sitting with the content they contained. I offered that if there is anything she needs, she can let me know and she said "i am torn between wanting to just update you on everything but a bigger part of me is still hurt and trust entirely broken". I told her she can take all the time she needs, there's no need to pressure anything, and i will just be here if she needs anything.
She said what i can do to help is this: Be respectul, respect her boundaries, respect her wishes, and financial support. I said i can do all of that, though due to circumstances (i bought a house and a car) money is tight right now and i can't do anything right now at this moment. She said that confused her, she had no words for it and it was a good idea to stop the conversation for the day and she will let me know when she is ready to talk. that is the last i have heard from her since 2 weeks ago.
Outlook: Let me make this very clear, i know i have messed up very very badly, you don't have to tell me that. Though i would like to know what other people's take is on this situation on the future and if there are thing i could possibly do to regain the ability to talk to her so that i can support her and my child in any way that i can. If the relationship can be saved, that would be my dream, however supporting them is my number 1 priority regardless of the relationship.
TL;DR: I aboslutely destroyed my engagement by acting like an idiot for a whole damn weekend when finding out my fiance was pregnant. She broke up with me and now we have no communication whatsoever for months on end.
submitted by Advanced-Ad-1201 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I have a tough situation that i'm going through right now and i could use some advice to see if things can be mended or if this is not possible. This is going to be a very long one, my apologies....Even with all this, it does not contain half of the whole story. (sorry for the spelling errors, English is not my frist language)
Short background: i live in Europe and she lives in the U.S. we were planning on moving in together in my country due to family/friend issues that she had in the U.S. and after being here she found that my country felt more like home than her home. We were set to get married this year and had everything planned out. She would take her 3 dogs and her cat with her, work or study here and we would settle here. It would be a little bit of a tough start, but we would figure it out. We both had a little worry for our finances but it would be okay eventually.
pregnancy and panick: In late january of this year we found out that my then fiance was pregnant with our child. At that time i panicked over it because of the situation we were in at the time. In short, neither of us owned a house, i did not own a car, she had substantial debt to pay off, there would be 4 pets, a wife and now also a child under my responsibility and it scared the shit out of me. I'm absolutely not proud of what i did and ashamed of my behavior, but what i proceeded to do over the span of a whole weekend was the following: ask if she would be willing to go for an abortion multiple times, drink a bottle of wine and get intoxicated, buy a pack of sigarettes (i don't smoke), and basically just act inconsiderate and like a total ass.
After the weekend where i had my tantrum, i head her cry over the phone and it woke me up from my stupid behavior and i realized (too late) that i royally screwed up. I apologized for it and we talked about how angry she was and rightfully so. In that moment, again, i started to do things i shouldn't have done by: continuesly try to talk about it, fix it, and not give her space where she needed space. All i did was say "sorry sorry sorry please forgive me, sorry sorry sorry". That again, is not the way to go about it. She did ask me to fly to the u.s. to talk face to face so i booked plane tickets that same day for the next week. After 3/4 more days of that i pulled myself together (again...too late) and sent her a message stating that i know what i have done and been doing is wrong and i have a lot of difficulty not trying to fix it because i knew i messed up and hurt her and from that day i would just leave her be and not talk. Finally giving her the space she needs from me.
Anger and breakup: After all of the above in the weekend that followed, she called me and said that she had an amazing time together, but she did not see a future with me at this time. We had a long phone call about it and se said that if i were to come over to the U.S. for that week, that would be up to me but that is where she stands. So that is what i did, i came over to the U.S. and she said that we will spend this week getting to "re-know" eachother. She did say that we were still in a relationship and still engaged...which i found odd to hear but i was happy about it nonetheless. In this week i made sure to take a moment every day to sit her down somewhere and simply take a moment to apologize for my behvior and that i am incredibly sorry for what i have done. We went out to dinner a few times and just talked about everything. Though in the end it led to the same result, she did not see a future with me. I had tried a last time to have a conversation about it, but she gave me back the engagement ring and said no. Hurt by this, i went out for a long walk and just breathed and accepted that i screwed it up and went back to her saying that she is right, i will give her the space she asks for and let her go. She became angry and sad over this and said that she had just went through the fase of dealing with the breakup and now i am making her do that all over again, she started packing up all my gifts and gave it back to me. I did not understand that and am still a little confused about it. The day after, i had my flight back home and she dropped me off at the airport. she said that "despite how it looks, she still loves me" to which i said that i love her too. We hugged and siad goodbye and i left.
Back home week 1: In the first week, she had told me that i could call her 20 times a day and she would still pick up her phone. We can talk to eachother and we still love eachother and want the best for eachother. She kept me updated about the child and i was happy to simply talk to her and hear her say that she loves me. She had planned to talk to a pastor from her church which did couples counseling and wanted to first do this by herself and then together with me (over skype or zoom etc.). She gave me a book called "how to be the love you seek" and said i could listen to it on her spotify because that is exactly how she identifies and she relates a lot to this book, so i started to give it a listen and took notes of everything i thought was important. We made a plan t odiscuss teh book together over the phone soon and go over the notes that i made. We were broken up but there was hope.
week 2/3: I tried not to text her too often anymore and said that i am available at any time should she need me and will give her the space she asked for by not constantly texting. After a few days she was becoming more agitated and short in her responses. My words were often twisted in to something negative and they constantly made her angry. I didn't understand what was going on, but i thought she was angry and just wanted me to know. We had planned a phone call to discuss the book one weekend and the phone call started off by her telling me "i asked for space and it's not being respected". We taked about everything for a moment and then ended it where i told her that i love her and she said "good to hear". She said that she didn't want to say anything she didn't mean. After a week we texted a few times a day, but barely anything, just a good morning, baby update, and goodnight. I would check in on how she was doing, and that is it. I didn't know what to do or say anymore because for some reason everything was mkaing her angry regardless of what i say, and so i tried not to text her unless she texts me.
week 4 end of conversation: In the first week of march, she had her appointment with her pastor, where she would talk about us, but as she said "not in theway that i think she was going to talk about us". After the conversation she wanted to discuss it with me. though the day she had the conversation she texted me and said "i do not feel ready for a conversation, i will let you know when i am." and she asked me to make bulletpoints for the conversation. I was also not allowed to speak to her cousin anymore as she was trying to be a "middleman" for the both of us, but my ex wanted to have all the conversations between the two of us. i told her that i will do that, and i told her i also started therapy. Yet that was the last thing i have heard from her untill 2 months later.
2 monts of silence and my letters: Whle not speaking to her for 2 months I had been going to therapy twice a week and sought help for why i reacted the way that i did. I had time to reflect and started to slowly piece together a better mindset. I had noticed in the mean time that she had deleted me from social media and deleted some of the piutres she had of us. then later on deleted everything and started selling her engagement dress and date dresses she had bought and finally blocked me from social media entirely.
Late april, i thought it would be a good idea to send her a letter instead of a text. i had written page after page where i had written down the many things that i did wrong and how much shame i feel for it. In the end i realized that i was simply doing too much again and i decided to send her an envelope with 2 letters. 1 containing the many letters combined, and 1 containing a single letter that simply said (summarized) "i am sorry, i will be there for you whenever you need me, you don't have to do life on your own". She did not react to it and 2 weeks later i sent her a text asking how she was doing and if she recieved the letters. she responded by saying she did and she has been sitting with the content they contained. I offered that if there is anything she needs, she can let me know and she said "i am torn between wanting to just update you on everything but a bigger part of me is still hurt and trust entirely broken". I told her she can take all the time she needs, there's no need to pressure anything, and i will just be here if she needs anything.
She said what i can do to help is this: Be respectul, respect her boundaries, respect her wishes, and financial support. I said i can do all of that, though due to circumstances (i bought a house and a car) money is tight right now and i can't do anything right now at this moment. She said that confused her, she had no words for it and it was a good idea to stop the conversation for the day and she will let me know when she is ready to talk. that is the last i have heard from her since 2 weeks ago.
Outlook: Let me make this very clear, i know i have messed up very very badly, you don't have to tell me that. Though i would like to know what other people's take is on this situation on the future and if there are thing i could possibly do to regain the ability to talk to her so that i can support her and my child in any way that i can. If the relationship can be saved, that would be my dream, however supporting them is my number 1 priority regardless of the relationship.
TL;DR: I aboslutely destroyed my engagement by acting like an idiot for a whole damn weekend when finding out my fiance was pregnant. She broke up with me and now we have no communication whatsoever for months on end.
2024.05.19 14:01 FelicitySmoak_ Thursday, May 19, 2005 - People v. Jackson Day 56
 | Trial Day 56 submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to WhereWasMJToday [link] [comments] Michael goes to court with Katherine. Judge Melville ruled that the jury would be unable to hear the testimonies of CNN talk show host Larry King & publisher Michael Viner as impeachment material against civil attorney Larry Feldman. Melville's ruling effectively handicapped the ability of Jackson's defense team to counter testimony offered by Feldman under oath. Feldman represented Gavin Arvizo some time between March 2003 and June 2004. The attorney also represented Jordan Chandler, the first boy who brought accusations against Jackson in 1993 During direct examination on 4/1/05, DA Thomas Sneddon used Feldman to drive home the notion that the accusing family was not out for money, as the defense contends. Feldman stated that the family was not seeking to file a lawsuit, and that he had never been asked to file a suit against Jackson on behalf of the family. On cross-examination, lead defense attorney Thomas Mesereau attempted to undermine Feldman's credibility by asking him about a conversation that allegedly transpired between himself, King, and Viner. Feldman repeatedly denied ever meeting with King and Viner at an eatery in Beverly Hills some time in 2004, where he purportedly relayed to the two men his belief that Janet Arvizo was fabricating the allegations against Jackson. He also denied even personally knowing who Viner was, claiming that he had "never had a meeting with Michael Viner in [his] life." However, according to a memo attached with a defense motion, Viner recalled Feldman stating that he didn't believe Gavin and referred to the boy's mother as a "flake." Feldman had also allegedly stated that both mother and son were sent out to "another expert and they failed the smell test," and felt they were into the case solely for "money." When asked by defense investigator Scott Ross if this was a statement actually made by Feldman, Viner replied, "Absolutely." Upon being told by Ross that Feldman had testified that he didn't know who Viner was, Viner stated that was untrue, that they had met many times. Viner added that he was clueless as to why Feldman would deny knowing him. In a hearing outside of the jury, King stated that Feldman had told him during this lunch that the accuser's mother was "wacko," was "in it for the money," and that the accusations against Jackson "didn't hold water." King added that Feldman met with the mother and "didn't want to represent her," advising that she contact authorities with the allegations. The civil attorney did end up representing the woman and her family, but later withdrew as counsel for reasons unknown. Viner testified that he "walked away believing that [Feldman] did not believe the allegations." When cross-examined, Viner could not recall Feldman directly quoting anything the accuser's mother may have told him, which would have been a violation of the attorney-client privilege. After listening to the proposed testimonies, Judge Melville declared them to be "irrelevant," stating that it was unclear if Feldman was sharing an opinion or if he was quoting the accuser's mother. Depending on the media slant, various reasons have been given as to why King and Viner were rejected, including references to the testimony as "hearsay" and an inability to "verify" the statements as "fact." There have been a number of statements offered during the course of this trial that were allowed in, but not "for the fact of the matter" be it "verifiable" or not. The judge could have allowed both King and Viner to testify to having met Feldman for lunch and to state that the attorney had in fact expressed negative opinions about Janet Arvizo. That would not have been hearsay, and it would have been enough to impeach at least a portion of Feldman's testimony, particularly since King and Viner's statements seemed to corroborate one another. Given this recent ruling, it seems that there is a differential application of law in the case, one that puts Michael at a disadvantage. Statements offered by any number of prosecution witnesses, particularly those of Gavin and his family, are not in a different category than the testimonies of King and Viner. It should be clear by now that there seems to be two sets of standards operating here: one set favoring the prosecution, and one that appears to impair Michael's constitutional right to a fair trial. The highlight from the day was Azja Pryor, a Hollywood casting assistant & the girlfriend of Chris Tucker. Early in her testimony, Pryor broke down and cried when about the family. “It’s hard for me because I really do love the kids a lot,” she said in an apparent reference to her reluctance to testify against them.Pryor became friends with the Arvizo family after she was introduced to them through Tucker when Gavin was battling cancer & a number of celebrities became involved in efforts to help them. Pryor testified that she met the family at the Laugh Factory club in Hollywood in 2001. Pryor said she and Tucker began taking the children places. Tucker took them by private jet to an Oakland Raiders game and invited them to his brother's wedding, she said. Under questioning from Mesereau, Pryor said Janet Arvizo had asked her to take the family back to Neverland in February 2003, just after the family met with a social worker investigating possible child abuse. On that trip, Gavin & Starr spent the day playing at Neverland & even asked the ranch manager to be allowed to stay in Michael's bedroom at a time when he was away. She told the jury that Janet Arvizo complained to her in early March 2003 that two German associates of Jackson had stepped in to keep her family away. "I asked, "Does Michael know anything about this?' She said, "They won't let us around him because they know the children tug at his heart strings' ", Pryor testified.The time period she cited is critical because prosecutors allege the abuse happened between Feb. 20 & March 12, 2003. When Janet testified in the trial, she spoke out against "the Germans" and said they were conspiring with Jackson to hold her family captive. Pryor testified she and Janet would talk for hours on the phone, but the mother never complained to her about Michael. Pryor said that she never spoke critically of Jackson and praised him in lavish terms. “It was something to the effect (of) what a great man he is. He is an angel. His love is great,” Pryor said.The woman also talked with excitement about heading to Brazil for Carnival, Pryor said. That countered prosecution claims Jackson had planned to spirit the boy’s family away to head off trouble Janet's participation in a “rebuttal video” in Jackson’s defense was voluntary, Pryor said. “She was very anxious to tell the world that this beautiful friendship was nothing more than they saw -- a beautiful friendship,” Pryor said.Court Transcript Trial Reenactment US talk show host Larry King leaves court after answering questions from the judge. He was not required to testify Waving as he arrives at court Arriving at court Talk show host Larry King & his entourage arrive at court Talk show host Larry King leaves court after the judge ruled he would not be allowed to testify for the defense Talk show host Larry King leaves court Defense witness Larry Nimmer arrives at court Leaving court Leaving court Leaving court Lead defense attorney Thomas Mesereau Jr. smiles as he leaves court Waving as he arrives at court Arriving at court Waving as he leaves court Defense witness Aja Pryor arrives arrives at court Katherine Jackson returns to court after a break Defense witness Aja Pryor returns to court after a break Defense witness Aja Pryor leaves the courtroom during a break Larry King passes through security as he arrives at court |
2024.05.19 11:32 eaturpineapples Feeling a little lost! Need to vent! (Depression, imposter syndrome, pay)
Hi all!
I recently graduated with my MSW and I am feeling that I made a mistake. I wish that I had obtained a degree in clinical mental health psychology, MFT, or something more counseling related. I am currently working in SUD and often feel that I am lacking the tools/experience that I need. I have not had any negative feedback and am told that I am doing great, but I can't help having these thoughts. I have been at my current position for two years as an intern and took on a full time position about 6 months ago, before I completed my internship. I work 36 hours a week, which is great, but I am only making about $22 an hour. I feel undervalued and this makes me feel depressed. My pay was based on when I asked to work full time still as an intern. Should I ask for a raise now even though I have not passed the LCSW exam? I plan on studying of the exam and my goal is to take it by the end of July. I do have my Social Work Candidate License (SWC- Colorado), so I am allowed to practice by law. I also do not want to look for a new job right now because my husband and I are going through fertility treatment and a new job would be added stress. Please give me advice and support! Thanks
submitted by eaturpineapples to therapists [link] [comments]
I recently graduated with my MSW and I am feeling that I made a mistake. I wish that I had obtained a degree in clinical mental health psychology, MFT, or something more counseling related. I am currently working in SUD and often feel that I am lacking the tools/experience that I need. I have not had any negative feedback and am told that I am doing great, but I can't help having these thoughts. I have been at my current position for two years as an intern and took on a full time position about 6 months ago, before I completed my internship. I work 36 hours a week, which is great, but I am only making about $22 an hour. I feel undervalued and this makes me feel depressed. My pay was based on when I asked to work full time still as an intern. Should I ask for a raise now even though I have not passed the LCSW exam? I plan on studying of the exam and my goal is to take it by the end of July. I do have my Social Work Candidate License (SWC- Colorado), so I am allowed to practice by law. I also do not want to look for a new job right now because my husband and I are going through fertility treatment and a new job would be added stress. Please give me advice and support! Thanks
2024.05.19 08:50 Ok_Jelly_3340 Knoxville Needs Change: Higher Wages and Affordable Housing Now
We, the People, Need to Advocate for Our Rights
We, the people, need to advocate passionately for our rights and work together to improve our living conditions. While legislative actions and policies may be influenced by a few, it is through our collective voice and participation that real change can be achieved. Let's take action to ensure a better future for all residents of Knoxville. Your voice and participation can make a significant difference.Additional Context Based on Feedback
Thank you for the responses and thoughts. I’d like to clarify a few points and provide additional context based on the feedback received:
Legislative Challenges
The legislative history and context of Tennessee Code Title 66, Chapter 35, which prohibits local governments from enacting rent control measures, reflect a long-standing commitment to maintaining a free-market approach to housing. This law was designed to ensure that rental prices are determined by market forces rather than local government interventions.
Specific Restrictions:
- Local governments cannot enact or enforce any ordinance that controls the amount of rent charged for residential or commercial properties.
- The law also prevents local governments from requiring private residential or commercial units to be sold or rented at below-market rates as a condition for zoning changes, building permits, or other land use approvals.
- Any voluntary programs designed to increase affordable housing must be incentive-based and cannot involve compulsory measures that affect market pricing.
Clarification on Rent Control Statistics:
It’s important to acknowledge that while Knoxville’s rent increase in 2022 was 9.6%, this was actually above the Oregon model of 7% plus inflation. If inflation is taken into account, the total allowable increase could potentially exceed the 9.6% rise seen in Knoxville. The intent behind advocating for a rent control model similar to Oregon’s is to create a more predictable and manageable framework for rent increases, offering greater stability for tenants while still allowing for adjustments that reflect economic conditions.
Challenges with Affordability
Rising Home Prices and Rental Costs: The increasing home prices and rental costs are making it difficult for residents to afford housing. The persistent undersupply of housing continues to exert upward pressure on prices, even as the market anticipates a rebound in home sales in 2024.
Inflation and Mortgage Rates: Inflation and high mortgage rates also contribute to the affordability crisis, making it challenging for new buyers to enter the market.
Comparative Analysis of Rent Control Laws
California: Rent control measures limit annual rent increases and provide tenant protections, while newer constructions and single-family homes are often exempted. This balance has helped manage rent increases while promoting new housing development.
New York: Comprehensive rent control and stabilization laws include limits on rent increases and strong tenant protections, overseen by a regulatory body. These measures ensure fair rent practices and protect tenants from unjust evictions.
Oregon: The statewide rent control law limits annual rent increases to 7% plus inflation and requires just cause for evictions after the first year of tenancy. This approach balances tenant protection with incentives for new constructions.
Key Strategies for Tennessee
Incremental Approach: Implementing modest rent control measures, such as capping annual rent increases to a certain percentage above inflation.
Exemptions: Including exemptions for new constructions and small landlords to alleviate concerns from property developers.
Tenant Protections: Introducing tenant protections against unjust evictions and ensuring lease renewal rights.
Public Advocacy and Education: Building a coalition of tenant groups, local businesses, and community organizations to advocate for change.
Legislative Proposals: Drafting clear and specific legislative proposals that outline the benefits of rent control and address the concerns of opponents.
Alternative Solutions
Increased tenant protections, tax incentives for affordable housing, and the establishment of community land trusts to help manage and develop affordable housing.
Living Wage Figures: Thank you for pointing out the discrepancy in living wage estimates. The MIT Living Wage Calculator indeed suggests a higher figure, highlighting the urgent need for comprehensive wage and housing reforms.
Federal and State Action: While state-level change is crucial, it's clear that federal action may also be necessary to enforce fair wages and housing policies. We should advocate for change at both levels.
Support for Local Businesses: Supporting local businesses and ensuring they can pay fair wages is essential. We need to balance wage increases with support for small businesses through tax incentives and economic development programs.
Political Climate: Given the conservative political climate, it’s important to build a broad coalition that includes voices from across the political spectrum to advocate for necessary changes.
Student Housing Impact: The impact of UTK's growing student population on the housing market is significant. We need to work with the university and city planners to develop more student housing and alleviate pressure on the broader market.
Economic Reality: The stories shared here underscore the reality that even with higher wages, housing affordability remains a challenge. Comprehensive policies addressing both wages and housing supply are crucial.
Affordable Housing Options: One of the comments raised a point about the availability of affordable housing, particularly through Clayton Homes, which builds mobile homes and is located in Maryville. Mobile homes provide a more affordable alternative, but they need places to be set up. It's important to ensure diverse options are available to meet varying needs and expectations.
Response to Concerns About Following Other States' Examples:
While it is understandable that concerns about high costs of living in states like California, New York, and Oregon might make it seem counterintuitive to look to their models, it’s essential to note that the goal is not to directly replicate these states' policies but to adapt their strategies to fit Tennessee’s unique context. The objective is to find a balance that improves affordability without causing significant economic disruption. We can learn from their successes and shortcomings to craft a solution that suits Knoxville’s needs.
Lastly, I'd like to state that I am not from New Jersey nor a victim of anyone or anything. The goal is to foster a constructive conversation around improving wages and housing affordability in Knoxville. Thank you for engaging in this important discussion.
Facts:
- 30 states have a higher minimum wage than Tennessee's $7.25.
- Tennessee last raised its minimum wage in 2009.
- Since then, inflation has risen by about 36.6%.
- A decent living wage for a single adult in Tennessee is about $13.25 per hour.
Rising Rents in Knoxville
- Rapid Rent Increases: In 2022, rent growth in Knoxville was 9.6%, significantly higher than the national average of 2.3%. This trend has continued, with apartment rents increasing by around 6.06% in 2023 compared to the previous year.
- Forecasted Increases: The trend of rising rents is expected to continue, with forecasts indicating an additional 5% increase over the next year.
- High Occupancy Rates: Despite these rent increases, Knoxville's rental market remains highly competitive with occupancy rates around 96.3%, which is higher than the national average of 94.7%.
Recent Home Price Increases in Knoxville
- Median Home Price: The median home sales price in Knoxville rose to $350,000 in July 2023, representing an increase of around 7.9% compared to the previous year.
- Affordability: As of November 2023, the median home sales price was $346,000, up by about 10.8% from the previous year.
- Income Requirements: The income required to qualify for a mortgage on a median-priced home has risen dramatically, from around $59,000 at the start of 2022 to over $110,000 by August 2023.
- Housing Inventory: Despite the rising prices, the total number of homes available in Knoxville is still around half of pre-pandemic levels, contributing to the increased competition and higher prices.
Steps to Raise the Minimum Wage
Step 1: Organize a Petition Drive- Form a Nonpartisan Group: Create or join a group focused solely on raising the minimum wage, without political affiliations. Use platforms like Zoom for virtual meetings, schedule regular meetings, and use social media and local forums to recruit members.
- Research Requirements: For statewide initiatives, the number of signatures required is typically a percentage of the votes cast in the last gubernatorial election. Confirm the exact number with the Tennessee Secretary of State's office. For local initiatives in Knoxville, a charter amendment can be proposed if at least one registered voter files the petition with the county election commission for pre-approval (TCA 2-5-151).
- Tennessee Secretary of State: (615) 741-2819
- Create the Petition: Draft a clear and concise petition for a minimum wage increase. Here is a sample:
Petition for Increasing the Minimum Wage in Tennessee
To the Tennessee General Assembly:
We, the undersigned residents of Tennessee, believe that the current minimum wage of $7.25 per hour is insufficient to meet the basic needs of individuals and families in our state. Given the significant rise in living costs and inflation since the last adjustment in 2009, we urgently call for an increase in the state minimum wage to a livable wage of $13.25 per hour. This adjustment will ensure that all working Tennesseans can afford necessities such as housing, food, healthcare, and transportation.
By signing this petition, we express our support for this necessary change and urge the Tennessee General Assembly to take immediate action.
Name Address Signature
Step 2: Collect Signatures
- Host Community Events: Organize events like town hall meetings, local fairs, or farmers' markets to gather signatures.
- Utilize Local Networks: Leverage small-town connections where everyone knows each other to spread the word and gather support.
- Set Up Booths: Place booths in high-traffic areas like grocery stores, libraries, and community centers to collect signatures.
- Door-to-Door Campaigning: Go door-to-door in your neighborhood to ask for signatures.
- Social Media Campaign: Use platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to inform the community and encourage them to sign the petition.
- Local Media: Reach out to local newspapers, radio stations, and TV channels to cover your campaign.
- Flyers and Posters: Distribute flyers and put up posters in local businesses and public spaces.
- Verify Signatures: Ensure all collected signatures meet the requirements.
- Submit to Authorities: Submit the petition to the appropriate state or local authority for validation.
Deadlines and Requirements
- Submission Deadline: Typically, signatures must be submitted several months before the general election to allow time for verification. For 2024, check with the Tennessee Secretary of State for specific deadlines and the number of required signatures.
How Petitions Work
In general, for a petition to be effective and get an issue on the ballot or to influence local government action, more signatures are usually needed to demonstrate widespread community support. Here’s a brief overview of the process:- Single Signature Submission: In some cases, a single well-documented request or petition signed by one person can be submitted to local officials to initiate a discussion. However, this method is less likely to compel action without demonstrating broader community support.
- Gathering Multiple Signatures: To increase the chances of the petition being taken seriously, gathering multiple signatures shows that the issue has significant support within the community. This can influence local officials to take action.
- Specific Requirements: The exact number of signatures required can vary based on local laws and regulations. For example, getting an initiative on the ballot often requires a specific percentage of registered voters' signatures.
- Submitting a Petition to the City Council: One person can submit a petition to the city council to raise an issue. However, gathering more signatures from residents increases the impact.
- Ballot Initiatives: For ballot initiatives, there are usually legal requirements regarding the number of signatures needed. This varies by jurisdiction.
Strategies to Address Rising Rents
While controlling rent increases directly can be challenging, there are several strategies that can help stabilize the rental market and provide more affordable options:- Rent Control and Stabilization:
- Implement policies that limit how much rents can be increased annually.
- Increased Tenant Protections:
- Strengthen tenant rights to provide more security and stability, such as "just cause" eviction protections.
- Affordable Housing Development:
- Increase the supply of affordable housing through new developments and mixed-income housing projects.
- Tax Incentives for Landlords:
- Offer tax breaks or incentives to landlords who keep rents affordable.
- Community Land Trusts:
- Establish community land trusts to manage and develop affordable housing.
- Rent Subsidy Programs:
- Expand rent subsidy programs to assist low-income tenants.
Petition Example for Rent Control and Tenant Protections
Petition for Rent Control and Tenant ProtectionsTo the Knoxville City Council:
We, the undersigned, request that the Knoxville City Council take immediate action to address the rising cost of rent and protect tenants by implementing rent control measures and strengthening tenant protections. Specifically, we propose the following initiatives:
- Rent Control: Implement rent control measures that limit annual rent increases to no more than a set percentage, tied to inflation.
- Just Cause Eviction Protections: Establish "just cause" eviction protections to prevent arbitrary evictions and provide stability for tenants.
- Tax Incentives for Affordable Rent: Offer tax breaks or incentives to landlords who commit to keeping rents affordable.
- Encourage Long-Term Leases: Promote the use of long-term leases with fixed rent increases to provide stability for both tenants and landlords.
By signing this petition, we express our support for these initiatives and urge the Knoxville City Council to take immediate action to protect tenants and address the rising cost of rent.
Signature: _______________
Print Name: _______________
Address: _______________
Email: _______________
Other Strategies to Help Afford Homes
Local Level:- Affordable Housing Programs: Support and expand local programs that provide affordable housing options.
- Down Payment Assistance: Advocate for city or county programs that help with down payments for first-time homebuyers.
- Community Land Trusts: Promote local models where the community owns the land and leases it to homeowners, reducing the cost of purchasing a home.
- Zoning Reforms: Push for zoning changes within Knoxville to allow for more diverse and affordable housing developments.
- Financial Education: Provide resources locally to help individuals better manage their finances and improve their credit scores.
- Rent-to-Own Programs: Implement or support local programs where tenants can rent properties with the option to buy after a certain period.
- Increased Housing Supply: Encourage the construction of more housing units in Knoxville to meet demand.
- Public-Private Partnerships: Foster collaborations between the city and private developers to create affordable housing projects.
- Inclusionary Zoning: Require a portion of new developments in Knoxville to include affordable housing units.
- Tax Incentives: Offer local tax credits or abatements to developers who build affordable housing or to homeowners for property improvements.
- Tiny Homes and ADUs: Promote the development of tiny homes and accessory dwelling units (ADUs) in Knoxville as affordable housing options.
- Housing Cooperatives: Support cooperative housing models locally where residents collectively own and manage their housing.
- Employer-Assisted Housing: Encourage local employers to provide housing assistance or benefits to their employees.
- Energy Efficiency Programs: Implement local programs to improve the energy efficiency of homes, reducing utility costs and overall housing expenses.
- Foreclosure Prevention Programs: Provide local assistance and counseling to homeowners at risk of foreclosure to help them retain their homes.
- Land Banks: Establish land banks at the city level to acquire, manage, and repurpose vacant and foreclosed properties for affordable housing development.
- Petition for Ballot Initiatives: Registered voters can start petitions to get these issues on local ballots. This involves gathering a required number of signatures from the community.
- Engage with Local Officials: Attend city council meetings, contact local representatives, and advocate for these programs and reforms.
- Form or Join Advocacy Groups: Collaborate with local organizations focused on housing and community development to amplify your efforts.
- Raise Public Awareness: Use social media, local news, and community events to inform and mobilize residents around these initiatives.
- Vote: Encourage community members to vote for local leaders and initiatives that support affordable housing and related programs.
Example Petitions:
Petition for Comprehensive Affordable Housing InitiativesTo the Knoxville City Council:
We, the undersigned, request that the Knoxville City Council take comprehensive action to promote affordable housing through a combination of tax incentives, public-private partnerships, inclusionary zoning, expanded affordable housing programs, and the establishment of land banks.
- Tax Incentives: Offer local tax credits or abatements to developers who build affordable housing or to homeowners for property improvements. These incentives will encourage the development and maintenance of affordable housing units, ensuring more options are available for low- and moderate-income families.
- Public-Private Partnerships: Foster collaborations between the city and private developers to create affordable housing projects. By working together, the public and private sectors can pool resources, expertise, and funding to develop housing that meets the community's needs.
- Inclusionary Zoning: Require a portion of new developments in Knoxville to include affordable housing units. Inclusionary zoning ensures that affordable housing is integrated into new developments, promoting economic diversity and increasing the availability of affordable homes.
- Affordable Housing Programs: Support and expand local affordable housing programs to provide quality, affordable housing options for low- and moderate-income residents. Currently, many residents are struggling to find affordable housing, which impacts their quality of life and financial stability. By expanding these programs, we can ensure that more residents have access to safe, decent, and affordable housing.
- Land Banks: Establish land banks at the city level to acquire, manage, and repurpose vacant and foreclosed properties for affordable housing development. Land banks can transform unused or abandoned properties into valuable assets for the community, providing opportunities for affordable housing development and revitalizing neighborhoods.
By signing this petition, we express our support for these initiatives and urge the Knoxville City Council to take immediate action to promote affordable housing through these measures.
Signature: _______________
Print Name: _______________
Address: _______________
Email: _______________
Down Payment Assistance
Petition for Down Payment Assistance Programs
To the Knoxville City Council:
We, the undersigned, urge the Knoxville City Council to advocate for and establish city or county programs that provide down payment assistance for first-time homebuyers. Many residents find it challenging to save enough for a down payment, which is a significant barrier to achieving homeownership. By providing down payment assistance, we can help more residents transition from renting to owning their homes, promoting long-term financial stability and investment in our community.
By signing this petition, we express our support for the creation and implementation of down payment assistance programs to help first-time homebuyers in Knoxville.
Signature: _______________
Print Name: _______________
Address: _______________
Email: _______________
State or Federal Level:
- Subsidized Housing Vouchers: Increase the availability and funding for housing vouchers that subsidize rent for low-income families.
- Mortgage Credit Certificates (MCC): Promote MCC programs that provide tax credits to first-time homebuyers at the state or federal level.
How New Jersey Did It:
- Legislative Action: Passed in 2019, the law set a schedule for gradual increases to reach $15 by 2024.
- Annual Adjustments: Provisions for annual increases based on the Consumer Price Index (CPI).
- Broad Support: Significant political backing from the governor and legislature.
- Sector-Specific Plans: Different timelines and rates for small businesses, seasonal workers, and agricultural employees.
- Economic Advocacy: Studies and advocacy highlighted the benefits, helping to build public and political support.
Tennessee's Business Environment and Minimum Wage:
- Business-Friendly State: It's true Tennessee is known for being business-friendly, which can make raising the minimum wage challenging.
- Jobs Over $12/Hour: While many jobs may pay over $12 an hour, not all workers have access to these opportunities, especially those with limited skills or education.
Steps to Take:
- Educate and Advocate: Inform the community about the benefits of a higher minimum wage for both workers and the economy.
- Highlight Success Stories: Share examples from other states like New Jersey that have successfully raised their minimum wages without harming businesses.
- Promote Nonpartisan Support: Work with groups that focus on worker rights without political affiliations to gather broader support.
2024.05.19 08:12 notsurethrowit Been married almost 10 years but can’t agree on the future
When it’s good it’s amazing but when it’s bad we fight all the time. Let me start with some context
We are both from the same country but I’m half for another and my values are a little different. We both grew up in difficult homes and had a lot of trauma, her more than me but I feel we were kind of trauma bonded. I studied abroad where my dad’s side was but moved back to our home country because of the recession which is when I met her. Living back home together was great and we had a good life but I was depressed and didn’t like life there because my career was stagnating and the people were not my kind of people. Plus I wanted to get away from my toxic family. I always wanted to move abroad because our home country economically was never great plus I never felt I fit it because of differences in values as well as looking different and made to feel it. I decided I wanted to move to the country of my passport and made some mistakes about how long it would take for her to move and get eh passport as well which really upset her. We were in a long distance relationship for 4 years which was really tough. A lot of fighting and her feeling abandoned which was completely fair. She treated me pretty badly and resentment and anger built over time which hurt our relationship quite badly. I took it because I knew it was my fault and did everything I could (within my capacity and understanding which was not great tbh) to make it work. I flew back to see her as much as possible and sent her tickets to come to where I was as much as possible. She felt abandoned which is kind of true in hindsight. I kind of left her to fend for herself because I was immature and didn’t think of the repercussions of what I had done because I had this singular focus. She wanted to do her masters abroad which I supported as much as I could and eventually she fulfilled her dream to do it. I was an idiot during this time to say the least and although I was supported on the outside my behaviour was not great and I added to her pressure. I was going through my own shit but it really wasn’t fair on her. Anyway fast forward to a few months ago she moved in with me again after 4 years apart. Both of us are different people now, still same at the core but we have changed a lot. She hates it here as well, doesn’t like the life I lead and thinks it’s shallow and boring and not to her taste. She also can’t find many friends here or people that have the same interests as her and it’s put a huge strain on her relationship. I really want her to like it but she just isn’t gelling with people. She also wants to spend her time writing but she needs to work a bit if we want to have savings or prepare for the future. My income is good but can’t fullly support us especially for the future. We keep fighting because we can’t decide what we want for the future. I keep saying I’ll move country for her but she keeps coming back with “I wouldn’t do that to you because you are happy here”. It’s the same circular fight over and over again. I really love her and I want her to be happy but we are killing each other with these fights. Her resentment is building and I am struggling with her negativity and anger towards me. We tried counselling which worked but our therapist was really flakey.
Is our relationship doomed? Should we just cut our losses? Can any of you see a way out?
submitted by notsurethrowit to Marriage [link] [comments]
We are both from the same country but I’m half for another and my values are a little different. We both grew up in difficult homes and had a lot of trauma, her more than me but I feel we were kind of trauma bonded. I studied abroad where my dad’s side was but moved back to our home country because of the recession which is when I met her. Living back home together was great and we had a good life but I was depressed and didn’t like life there because my career was stagnating and the people were not my kind of people. Plus I wanted to get away from my toxic family. I always wanted to move abroad because our home country economically was never great plus I never felt I fit it because of differences in values as well as looking different and made to feel it. I decided I wanted to move to the country of my passport and made some mistakes about how long it would take for her to move and get eh passport as well which really upset her. We were in a long distance relationship for 4 years which was really tough. A lot of fighting and her feeling abandoned which was completely fair. She treated me pretty badly and resentment and anger built over time which hurt our relationship quite badly. I took it because I knew it was my fault and did everything I could (within my capacity and understanding which was not great tbh) to make it work. I flew back to see her as much as possible and sent her tickets to come to where I was as much as possible. She felt abandoned which is kind of true in hindsight. I kind of left her to fend for herself because I was immature and didn’t think of the repercussions of what I had done because I had this singular focus. She wanted to do her masters abroad which I supported as much as I could and eventually she fulfilled her dream to do it. I was an idiot during this time to say the least and although I was supported on the outside my behaviour was not great and I added to her pressure. I was going through my own shit but it really wasn’t fair on her. Anyway fast forward to a few months ago she moved in with me again after 4 years apart. Both of us are different people now, still same at the core but we have changed a lot. She hates it here as well, doesn’t like the life I lead and thinks it’s shallow and boring and not to her taste. She also can’t find many friends here or people that have the same interests as her and it’s put a huge strain on her relationship. I really want her to like it but she just isn’t gelling with people. She also wants to spend her time writing but she needs to work a bit if we want to have savings or prepare for the future. My income is good but can’t fullly support us especially for the future. We keep fighting because we can’t decide what we want for the future. I keep saying I’ll move country for her but she keeps coming back with “I wouldn’t do that to you because you are happy here”. It’s the same circular fight over and over again. I really love her and I want her to be happy but we are killing each other with these fights. Her resentment is building and I am struggling with her negativity and anger towards me. We tried counselling which worked but our therapist was really flakey.
Is our relationship doomed? Should we just cut our losses? Can any of you see a way out?
2024.05.19 07:49 AnotherBabyEchidna Willem Ryger, Lord of Willow Wood, Master of the Thresholds, Ser & Roslyn Ryger, Steward to Willow Wood
Character Creation:
PCReddit Account: AnotherBabyEchidna
Discord Tag: thebrundun
Name and House: Willem Ryger
Age: 45
Cultural Group: RiverlandeValemen
Appearance: Willem Ryger always seems to have a coy smile about him, accentuated by his strong jawline and sharp cheekbones. His curly light brown hair has begun to thin, though his pronounced brows remain strong. Standing around six feet tall, his posture always exudes confidence, and his near-yellow brown eyes always seem to be hiding a secret or a joke.
Trait: Mastermind
Skill(s): Assassin (e), Covert (e), Devious
Talent(s): Philosophising, Carousing, Gambling
Negative Trait(s): n/a
Starting Title(s): Lord of Willow Wood, Ser
Starting Location: King’s Landing
Alternate Characters: n/a
Bio-Timeline:
- 20 BC: Willem is born into the cursed bloodline of House Ryger to Willow and Ryman Ryger. House Ryger has long kept their curse a secret to the outside world. As the story goes, at the birth of every Ryger there is a new weeping willow sprouted in their willow forests and the health of the weeping willow is said to be directly tied to the health of the Ryger.
- 18 BC: Willem’s brother, Marq, is born.
- 10 BC: Willem is sent to ward under Vance of Wayfarer’s Rest at the behest of his grandfather Lord Leo Ryger who detests the idea of his disappointment of a son raising the eventual heir of Willow Wood.
- 8 BC: Willem makes quick friends with Beck Bracken, also warding at Wayfarer’s rest, though he takes a special liking to his sister, Perra, and a childhood crush forms.
- 2 BC: Willem is knighted but the event is overshadowed by the capitulation of the Vances to Aegon the Conqueror. He returns home to Willow Wood where his grandfather informs him of the family curse and in order to avoid the curse he is sent to The Eyrie to join their court, quickly earning their trust and his outsider perspective and connections are used in the capacity of Master of the Thresholds. Also during this time his first son, a bastard named Rickard, is revealed to him. Despite the child being of common birth and mute, Willem takes him in to raise him as his own, though much of the raising is done by his servants.
- 1 BC: Funnily enough, similar to how Willem was present when King Aegon landed at Wayfarer’s Rest, Queen Visenya lands at The Eyrie, and Willem is one of the few advisors to Sharra to counsel bending the knee.
- 1 AC: Willem Ryger weds Lynese Hightower, though his true love is still Perra Bracken yet he spares her his family curse by not wedding her. Later in the year his first trueborn daughter is born and named Roslyn. Additionally, his nephew, Robyn, is born, and the pair of Robyn and Roslyn are inseparable.
- 2 AC: Willem and Lynese have another child and name her Mya.
- 5 AC: Willem and Lynese have their last child together, naming their son Myles, though the curse claims Lynese’s life shortly after his birth. After her death, his life of debauchery begins and he begins his yearly parties for the elite of Westeros. Another nephew, Addam, is also born, though Willem does not celebrate the addition to their family with his brother.
- 7 AC: Willem involves himself in the Tully plot against King Aegon, though his ties to the Vale arouse suspicion and he is barred from much of the decision making. Due to this untrust, he informs Lord Blackwood of the plot who takes on much of the burden of revealing the plot to Queen Visenya. Due to Willem’s close ties to the Vale and his lord grandfather’s acceptance, House Ryger swears fealty to House Arryn directly. During this time, the stress pushes Willem into the arms of his childhood crush, Perra Bracken, despite his continued refusal to wed her. Unbeknownst to him a child is spawned from this affair.
- 8 AC: Willem becomes a personal confidant and source of comfort to the grieving Queen Rhaenys. The intimacy of their relationship is kept a closely guarded secret, especially their bedding which results in another child unbeknownst to him. His duties to the Vale require a large distance to be maintained between them, forbidding any true relationship from developing.
- 10 AC: Willem is present for Sharra Arryn’s death yet at the same time his own father, Ryman Ryger, dies. Rather than return home, Willem persists in The Eyrie during the trying time for House Arryn. As Ronnel Arryn comes of age, Willem is retained as Master of the Thresholds.
- 11 AC: Willem’s grandfather, Lord Leo Ryger, dies soon after, as if he only lived out of spite to not see Ryman inherit Willow Wood. His death occurs after a visit to The Eyrie, the second time of visiting with the first being the oath to House Arryn, where Leo further informs Willem of their curse. Were a Ryger to stand quiet enough in the weeping willing forests of their home, he could hear their ancestors. Lastly, it is revealed that despite Leo’s attempts to shield Willem from the curse, a rot has set into Willem’s willow. Due to this, Willem accepts the counsel that his brother Marq take on much of the responsibility of ruling Willow Wood.
- 12 AC: Willem’s eldest daughter, Roslyn, is informed of everything that his grandfather has informed him of. He decides to keep Roslyn close and begin to teach her much of his subterfuge and sets her up to inherit many of his connections should he pass.
- 13 AC: Willem’s daughter, Mya, is sent to ‘squire’ for the Cavaliers upon their creation.
- 15 AC: Willem’s son, Myles, is sent to squire for the legendary knight Lord Corbray, though the boy is difficult to train mostly due to his protest of being sent away from his family.
- 18 AC: Willem’s bastard son, Rickard, is finally knighted and immediately following his ceremony he takes off to find where his commoner mother was sent off to. Unfortunately, the Riverwar breaks out during his travels and he finds himself on either side of the war depending on which side of the battle he happens to need to be on to continue his search for his mother.
- 19 AC: Willem is present for the wedding of Queen Visenya and Lord Lyn Egen and does his best to aid in the planning of the festivities.
- 20 AC: Willem’s brother, Marq, declares himself Regent of Willow Wood. While having been the de facto regent, the declaration comes under contention from Willem. To resolve the dispute, Roslyn is made Steward of Willow Wood and acts as eyes and ears for Willem. Her loyalties are in contention, unbeknownst to Willem, as Roslyn and her cousin Robyn further their relationship into intimacy.
- 22 AC: Willem’s bastard son, Rickard, returns from his travels. Being mute, his ability to convey his travels is limited, but the corpse he returns with bears the resemblance of the woman Willem bedded long ago. They put her body to rest in the weeping willow forests and Rickard forever swears his service to his father.
- 23 AC: Willem’s trueborn son, Myles, returns to Willem now a knight. He is given the truth of the family curse and his mental state further spirals, with his long protest of being sent away now given a proper justification. Willem brings the entire family to the forests to find each of their weeping willows, where Myles finds the rot of his father to have spread to his tree nonetheless. He vows to make his death worthwhile, though Willem cautions that despite his own tree having rot, he has yet to perish.
- 25 AC: Willem leads the entirety of House Ryger to the festivities in King’s Landing.
Family Tree:
https://www.familyecho.com/?p=START&c=3f566chlk4whp1yg&f=600232199387350859Supporting Characters:
ACName and House: Roslyn Ryger
Age: 24
Cultural Group: RiverlandeValewoman
Appearance: Roslyn’s dark, straight hair and pale skin stand in sharp contrast to her father. Her amber eyes are inherited directly from him, however, as was her smile that often appears devious to some and endearing to others. Constantly lost in thought, she takes an unassuming posture, preferring to only display confidence when she feels she is in the right.
Trait: Insidious
Skill(s): Espionage (e), Investigator
Talent(s): Singing, Hunting, Gambling
Negative Trait(s): n/a
Starting Title(s): Steward of Willow Wood
Starting Location: King’s Landing
Alternate Characters: n/a
Archetypes/Notable Characters:
- Mya Ryger - Daughter of Willem; the resemblance is uncanny upon realizing that Roslyn inherited Willem’s cunning while Mya inherited charm. Aged 23. Tourney Knight archetype.
- Myles Ryger - Son of Willem and heir to Willow Wood; of whom has lost the luster of life in his eyes with an uneasy calm demeanor always present. Aged 20. Cutthroat archetype.
- Rickard Rivers - Bastard son of Willem; a mute who has devoted his life to a love of killing under the guise of being a knight. Aged 27.
- Marq Ryger - Brother to Willem; rather than enacting his cunning through subterfuge, he has instead proven his ability as a cunning commander with a true love of tactics. Aged 43.
- Robyn Ryger - Nephew to Willem; a man of true brilliance and joy for learning who has devoted his time to the art of revenue generation. Aged 24.
- Addam Ryger - Nephew to Willem; a kind-hearted simpleton that has been focused on the simplicity of combat. Aged 20.
- Septon-Maester Stephus - A long-time advisor to Willem; likely neither septon nor a maester, but his wisdom is vast, if often crude. Aged 68.
2024.05.19 07:13 Connect-Ad3551 How to deal with lying?
My stepkid (M/nonbinary 17) has a problem with lying. They lie when they don’t need to or when they simply don’t want to be scolded, big and small things. They just try and tell everyone what they think they want to hear or what is easiest for them in the moment. A lot of the lies are lies through omission. This has obviously created a lot of trust issues.
What is there to do? Is this a phase we just have to work through? Is this how pathological liars start? What have you all done if you’ve been in this situation? It feels we have tried everything under the sun - counseling - positive reinforcement (saying thank you when they tell the truth, even when it’s hard. Offering to get things they enjoy etc) - negative reinforcement (taking things away, long discussions, yelling/getting upset)
submitted by Connect-Ad3551 to stepparents [link] [comments]
What is there to do? Is this a phase we just have to work through? Is this how pathological liars start? What have you all done if you’ve been in this situation? It feels we have tried everything under the sun - counseling - positive reinforcement (saying thank you when they tell the truth, even when it’s hard. Offering to get things they enjoy etc) - negative reinforcement (taking things away, long discussions, yelling/getting upset)
2024.05.19 01:13 kqsk3t AITAH for wanting to go no contact with my dad and by extension my mom because of their toxic relationship?
I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.
submitted by kqsk3t to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 00:16 Status-Shopping-5729 Is it possible to have a functioning family home?
Genuinely unsure about this one.
I remember up until a certain point my family seemed happy, but it's all hazy now. And it seems like an illusion.
The most vivid thing I can remember from my early childhood is the house all messed up from my mum and I tearing stuff down and breaking it because she just completely lost it at random points in the week (usually the weekend) for whatever reason and I also started rampaging out of frustration myself. This happened many times but it was always the same. Can't really remember how or why, just that mum couldn't control herself.
It would all be cleaned up and neat by the time dad came home and he had no idea about this since he was always working.
Grandma came in for an intervention at some point and actually took care of me instead of mum who decided she had to run away and live somewhere else, alone. But grandma's also pretty messed up, is clinically depressed, and has a habit of chipping away at you mentally, emotionally. No one around me really seems to believe in family bonds. It's all very transactional.
In the end grandma also had to leave and I spent most of my years alone at home as soon as I was legally allowed to be.
Every time I'd complain about feeling negatively affected by everything happening at home, mum told me that I had it much better than the terrible life she had. And yeah, I guess she did. She'd conclude that no family is perfect, and everyone has it this bad, or even worse, behind closed doors.
I can't tell if what she said was true. Is it even possible for everyone involved in a family to be respectful with each other and get through the hard times together?
Once again, logistic problems... financial problems... etc all preventing me from getting real therapy + counselling. Trying hard not to spiral and posting here instead
submitted by Status-Shopping-5729 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I remember up until a certain point my family seemed happy, but it's all hazy now. And it seems like an illusion.
The most vivid thing I can remember from my early childhood is the house all messed up from my mum and I tearing stuff down and breaking it because she just completely lost it at random points in the week (usually the weekend) for whatever reason and I also started rampaging out of frustration myself. This happened many times but it was always the same. Can't really remember how or why, just that mum couldn't control herself.
It would all be cleaned up and neat by the time dad came home and he had no idea about this since he was always working.
Grandma came in for an intervention at some point and actually took care of me instead of mum who decided she had to run away and live somewhere else, alone. But grandma's also pretty messed up, is clinically depressed, and has a habit of chipping away at you mentally, emotionally. No one around me really seems to believe in family bonds. It's all very transactional.
In the end grandma also had to leave and I spent most of my years alone at home as soon as I was legally allowed to be.
Every time I'd complain about feeling negatively affected by everything happening at home, mum told me that I had it much better than the terrible life she had. And yeah, I guess she did. She'd conclude that no family is perfect, and everyone has it this bad, or even worse, behind closed doors.
I can't tell if what she said was true. Is it even possible for everyone involved in a family to be respectful with each other and get through the hard times together?
Once again, logistic problems... financial problems... etc all preventing me from getting real therapy + counselling. Trying hard not to spiral and posting here instead
2024.05.18 23:57 Keith502 Why is the Bill of Rights interpreted to give rights to Americans?
There seem to be a large number of people who believe that the purpose of the Bill of Rights was to grant and guarantee rights to the American people. Furthermore, I have heard many people claim that the Bill of Rights is entirely a list of specifically individual rights of American citizens. It puzzles me why these beliefs continue to persist, because the historical record indicates that there is no reason to believe these descriptions of the Bill of Rights. There is a more than adequate amount of historical evidence to corroborate my conclusion. The first and most direct evidence is the very preamble to the Bill of Rights itself. The original preamble of the Bill of Rights begins with a paragraph explaining the document’s purpose; it goes as follows:
Another piece of evidence for my conclusion comes in an address given by James Madison -- the author of the Bill of Rights -- in the House of Representatives on June 8, 1789. This address involved an early proposal of amendments to the Constitution. Before listing his various propositions for amending the Constitution, Madison said this:
Following the above statement, Madison begins to list a variety of proposed additions to the Constitution, and he proposes the additions be inserted into the body of the Constitution itself, at various sections. Ultimately, he begins to propose a certain list of amendments to be inserted within article 1, section 9; and this particular list happens to correspond to most of the articles which comprise the Bill of Rights as it exists today:
Another piece of evidence can be found in the 1833 Supreme Court case Barron v Baltimore. This case essentially makes explicit that which was originally understood about the Bill of Rights -- that it was meant only as a list of prohibitions upon Congress. The following excerpt makes this clear:
The Bill of Rights, according to its original design, is essentially superfluous; effectively declaring nothing in itself, and only serving to clarify the intent of the Constitution, prevent it from being adversely misinterpreted, and to make explicit what was implicitly acknowledged regarding the boundaries of congressional power. There had been much debate among the Founders regarding whether the Bill of Rights should even exist at all. So how is it that a document whose original purpose was to be nothing more than a protection of civil rights has now become interpreted effectively as the source of the people's civil rights?
submitted by Keith502 to supremecourt [link] [comments]
The Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.I think the three most important phrases in this paragraph are “in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers”, “declaratory and restrictive clauses”, and “extending the ground of public confidence in the Government”. These three phrases seem to best sum up what the Bill of Rights was originally meant to accomplish: it is a list of declaratory and restrictive clauses whose purpose is to prevent the misconstruction or abuse of the Constitution’s powers, and to increase public confidence in the federal government. And if one were to look at the Bill of Rights, its text would seem to be in harmony with this statement of purpose. The Bill of Rights consists mostly of negative clauses which put restrictions on the federal government; it states what shall not happen or what shall not be done by Congress, such as prohibiting freedom of religion, abridging freedom of speech, infringing the right to keep and bear arms, violating the right to be secure in property, etc. And the ninth and tenth amendments do not mention any particular rights whatsoever, and clearly just serve the purpose of preventing the Constitution from being misconstrued or abused to diminish the rights of the states and the people, and to prevent granting the federal government more power than the Constitution meant for it to have. The phrase “extending the ground of public confidence in the Government” further indicates that the Bill of Rights was not really meant to add rights not already stipulated in the Constitution, but was only meant to reinforce trust in the federal government at the time of the Founding. The Bill of Rights was not meant to add any substantive articles to the Constitution, but rather it consisted of articles whose purpose was to reinforce the articles that had already been established, and prevent them from being misinterpreted in the future by any unscrupulous members of the federal government. Also notice that there is nothing written here in the preamble about granting rights to the American people, let alone granting specifically individual rights to the American people: you would think if the framers of the Bill of Rights had meant for this to be the document’s effect, they would have stated so clearly in the preamble.
Another piece of evidence for my conclusion comes in an address given by James Madison -- the author of the Bill of Rights -- in the House of Representatives on June 8, 1789. This address involved an early proposal of amendments to the Constitution. Before listing his various propositions for amending the Constitution, Madison said this:
There have been objections of various kinds made against the Constitution. Some were levelled against its structure because the President was without a council; because the Senate, which is a legislative body, had judicial powers in trials on impeachments; and because the powers of that body were compounded in other respects, in a manner that did not correspond with a particular theory; because it grants more power than is supposed to be necessary for every good purpose, and controls the ordinary powers of the State Governments. I know some respectable characters who opposed this Government on these grounds; but I believe that the great mass of the people who opposed it, disliked it because it did not contain effectual provisions against encroachments on particular rights, and those safeguards which they have been long accustomed to have interposed between them and the magistrate who exercises the sovereign power; nor ought we to consider them safe, while a great number of our fellow-citizens think these securities necessary.The part I've put in italics indicates that the major purpose of the amendments to the Constitution was to reassure citizens that effective protections were put in place to prevent the “magistrate who exercises the sovereign power” from encroaching upon their rights. Notice there is nothing written here about granting rights to the people, only protecting the people's pre-existing rights from the federal government.
Following the above statement, Madison begins to list a variety of proposed additions to the Constitution, and he proposes the additions be inserted into the body of the Constitution itself, at various sections. Ultimately, he begins to propose a certain list of amendments to be inserted within article 1, section 9; and this particular list happens to correspond to most of the articles which comprise the Bill of Rights as it exists today:
Fourthly. That in article 1st, section 9, between clauses 3 and 4, be inserted these clauses, to wit: The civil rights of none shall be abridged on account of religious belief or worship, nor shall any national religion be established, nor shall the full and equal rights of conscience be in any manner, or on any pretext, infringed.It is notable to consider that Madison initially proposed the Bill of Rights to be integrated into the Constitution itself, rather than to be a separate document. But what is even more notable is the specific location it was proposed to be inserted in. Article 1, section 9 is specifically the location of the Constitution dedicated to enumerating the prohibitions upon the power of Congress. What this means is that the original plan for the amendments currently appearing in the Bill of Rights was for them to merely be a list of stipulations regarding what Congress was not allowed to do. Thus, it would make no sense for those same clauses today to be construed as being themselves grants of rights to individual American citizens, anymore than other articles within this same section -- such as Congress being prohibited from abolishing the slave trade before 1808, or laying taxes on state exports -- could themselves be considered grants of individual rights to American citizens.
The people shall not be deprived or abridged of their right to speak, to write, or to publish their sentiments; and the freedom of the press, as one of the great bulwarks of liberty, shall be inviolable.
The people shall not be restrained from peaceably assembling and consulting for their common good; nor from applying to the Legislature by petitions, or remonstrances, for redress of their grievances.
The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; a well armed and well regulated militia being the best security of a free country: but no person religiously scrupulous of bearing arms shall be compelled to render military service in person.
No soldier shall in time of peace be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner; nor at any time, but in a manner warranted by law.
No person shall be subject, except in cases of impeachment, to more than one punishment or one trial for the same offence; nor shall be compelled to be a witness against himself; nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor be obliged to relinquish his property, where it may be necessary for public use, without a just compensation.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
The rights of the people to be secured in their persons; their houses, their papers, and their other property, from all unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated by warrants issued without probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, or not particularly describing the places to be searched, or the persons or things to be seized.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, to be informed of the cause and nature of the accusation, to be confronted with his accusers, and the witnesses against him; to have a compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor; and to have the assistance of counsel for his defence.
The exceptions here or elsewhere in the Constitution, made in favor of particular rights, shall not be so construed as to diminish the just importance of other rights retained by the people, or as to enlarge the powers delegated by the Constitution; but either as actual limitations of such powers, or as inserted merely for greater caution.
Another piece of evidence can be found in the 1833 Supreme Court case Barron v Baltimore. This case essentially makes explicit that which was originally understood about the Bill of Rights -- that it was meant only as a list of prohibitions upon Congress. The following excerpt makes this clear:
Had the framers of these amendments intended them to be limitations on the powers of the State governments, they would have imitated the framers of the original Constitution, and have expressed that intention. Had Congress engaged in the extraordinary occupation of improving the Constitutions of the several States by affording the people additional protection from the exercise of power by their own governments in matters which concerned themselves alone, they would have declared this purpose in plain and intelligible language.And then the aforementioned case was subsequently referenced by the 1875 Supreme Court case US v Cruikshank, which further reinforced the same conclusion while addressing the first and second amendments of the Bill of Rights:
But it is universally understood, it is a part of the history of the day, that the great revolution which established the Constitution of the United States was not effected without immense opposition. Serious fears were extensively entertained that those powers which the patriot statesmen who then watched over the interests of our country deemed essential to union, and to the attainment of those invaluable objects for which union was sought, might be exercised in a manner dangerous to liberty. In almost every convention by which the Constitution was adopted, amendments to guard against the abuse of power were recommended. These amendments demanded security against the apprehended encroachments of the General Government -- not against those of the local governments. In compliance with a sentiment thus generally expressed, to quiet fears thus extensively entertained, amendments were proposed by the required majority in Congress and adopted by the States. These amendments contain no expression indicating an intention to apply them to the State governments. This court cannot so apply them.
The first amendment to the Constitution prohibits Congress from abridging "the right of the people to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." This, like the other amendments proposed and adopted at the same time, was not intended to limit the powers of the State governments in respect to their own citizens, but to operate upon the National Government alone. [. . .] It is now too late to question the correctness of this construction. As was said by the late Chief Justice, in Twitchell v. The Commonwealth (#325), 7 Wall. 325, "the scope and application of these amendments are no longer subjects of discussion here." They left the authority of the States just where they found it, and added nothing to the already existing powers of the United States.So as you can see, it was well-established from the time of the country’s founding that the Bill of Rights was never meant to itself be a grant or guarantee of rights to the American people. The official function of the Bill of Rights was always prohibitive rather than affirmative: the purpose was to restrain the federal government, rather than to endow something to American citizens. So what I don’t understand is: how has the Bill of Rights become so misunderstood and misapplied? Why is it that, from the layman even to the level of the modern-day Supreme Court, it is believed that the Bill of Rights is meant to grant or guarantee rights to individual American citizens, when this conclusion is unequivocally unsupported by the historical record? And not only is this conclusion not supported by the historical evidence, but I would argue that it contradicts the very purpose of the Bill of Rights; the whole point of the document was to limit the power of Congress, but interpreting the document to be a federal guarantee of rights to the people is, in effect, a transference of power to the federal government never stipulated in the Constitution, and is in violation of the tenth amendment.
The particular amendment now under consideration assumes the existence of the right of the people to assemble for lawful purposes, and protects it against encroachment by Congress. The right was not created by the amendment; neither was its continuance guaranteed, except as against congressional interference. For their protection in its enjoyment, therefore, the people must look to the States. The power for that purpose was originally placed there, and it has never been surrendered to the United States.
The second and tenth counts are equally defective. The right there specified is that of "bearing arms for a lawful purpose." This is not a right granted by the Constitution. Neither is it in any manner dependent upon that instrument for its existence. The second amendment declares that it shall not be infringed, but this, as has been seen, means no more than that it shall not be infringed by Congress. This is one of the amendments that has no other effect than to restrict the powers of the national government, leaving the people to look for their protection against any violation by their fellow citizens of the rights it recognizes, to what is called, in The City of New York v. Miln (#139), 11 Pet. 139, the "powers which relate to merely municipal legislation, or what was, perhaps, more properly called internal police," "not surrendered or restrained" by the Constitution of the United States.
The Bill of Rights, according to its original design, is essentially superfluous; effectively declaring nothing in itself, and only serving to clarify the intent of the Constitution, prevent it from being adversely misinterpreted, and to make explicit what was implicitly acknowledged regarding the boundaries of congressional power. There had been much debate among the Founders regarding whether the Bill of Rights should even exist at all. So how is it that a document whose original purpose was to be nothing more than a protection of civil rights has now become interpreted effectively as the source of the people's civil rights?
2024.05.18 22:49 Infamous-Good-3835 California company forcing me out after I refuse to cancel honeymoon
Work Forcing Me Out After Attempting to revoke my time off.
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?
submitted by Infamous-Good-3835 to legal [link] [comments]
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?
2024.05.18 22:48 Infamous-Good-3835 California, company trying to force me out after I refuse to cancel honeymoon
Work Forcing Me Out After Attempting to revoke my time off.
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?
submitted by Infamous-Good-3835 to EmploymentLaw [link] [comments]
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?
2024.05.18 22:24 SecretSelenex I saw a psychic with my friend and now deeply regret it. It’s made me feel like I need grief counselling though.
I used to go to psychics quite a lot with my friend over a year ago. This changed when my husband and I lost our baby boy last year (second trimester miscarriage). This experience caused a crisis of faith both with spirituality and religion. I stupidly decided to go see a psychic again the other day, knowing I wasn’t ready and felt highly anxious about it. I forced myself because I wanted to get over how negative I’ve felt. Anyway, it was a complete disaster because I was in tears for hours after leaving the venue. I’ve cancelled all my plans this weekend and have just been crying and sleeping.
The psychic channelled my grandma and said that my son changed his mind about coming to Earth (this is a belief as a part of their faith something that I’ve heard said before but not to me). So this is basically what caused my miscarriage, although this was never explicitly stated. I know it was never their intention to make me feel bad, as they kept saying how it wasn’t my fault and never to blame myself. My husband and I have been TTC again and I was given some advice on taking the pressure off and take a more natural approach, especially since he has been ill. Which was good advice and they told me it would happen. I was fine during and after the reading, until my friend and I were walking down the street talking about our readings. I completely broke down and became hysterical. I had a panic attack and it took me hours to calm down.
I really regret going because I’m angry with myself for getting triggered, behaving this way and ruining the weekend. This experience has made me realize I probably need grief counselling though. I feel like I’m in so much emotional pain. Just had to get this off my chest. I ask that nobody shares this post anywhere please as it is so deeply personal. I just had to get this off my chest.
submitted by SecretSelenex to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
The psychic channelled my grandma and said that my son changed his mind about coming to Earth (this is a belief as a part of their faith something that I’ve heard said before but not to me). So this is basically what caused my miscarriage, although this was never explicitly stated. I know it was never their intention to make me feel bad, as they kept saying how it wasn’t my fault and never to blame myself. My husband and I have been TTC again and I was given some advice on taking the pressure off and take a more natural approach, especially since he has been ill. Which was good advice and they told me it would happen. I was fine during and after the reading, until my friend and I were walking down the street talking about our readings. I completely broke down and became hysterical. I had a panic attack and it took me hours to calm down.
I really regret going because I’m angry with myself for getting triggered, behaving this way and ruining the weekend. This experience has made me realize I probably need grief counselling though. I feel like I’m in so much emotional pain. Just had to get this off my chest. I ask that nobody shares this post anywhere please as it is so deeply personal. I just had to get this off my chest.
2024.05.18 20:54 Keith502 Why is the Bill of Rights interpreted to give rights to Americans?
There seem to be a large number of people who believe that the purpose of the Bill of Rights was to grant and guarantee rights to the American people. Furthermore, I have heard many people claim that the Bill of Rights is entirely a list of specifically individual rights of American citizens. It puzzles me why these beliefs continue to persist, because the historical record indicates that there is no reason to believe these descriptions of the Bill of Rights. There is a more than adequate amount of historical evidence to corroborate my conclusion. The first and most direct evidence is the very preamble to the Bill of Rights itself. The original preamble of the Bill of Rights begins with a paragraph explaining the document’s purpose; it goes as follows:
Another piece of evidence for my conclusion comes in an address given by James Madison -- the author of the Bill of Rights -- in the House of Representatives on June 8, 1789. This address involved an early proposal of amendments to the Constitution. Before listing his various propositions for amending the Constitution, Madison said this:
Following the above statement, Madison begins to list a variety of proposed additions to the Constitution, and he proposes the additions be inserted into the body of the Constitution itself, at various sections. Ultimately, he begins to propose a certain list of amendments to be inserted within article 1, section 9; and this particular list happens to correspond to most of the articles which comprise the Bill of Rights as it exists today:
Another piece of evidence can be found in the 1833 Supreme Court case Barron v Baltimore. This case essentially makes explicit that which was originally understood about the Bill of Rights -- that it was meant only as a list of prohibitions upon Congress. The following excerpt makes this clear:
The Bill of Rights, according to its original design, is essentially superfluous; effectively declaring nothing in itself, and only serving to clarify the intent of the Constitution, prevent it from being adversely misinterpreted, and to make explicit what was implicitly acknowledged regarding the boundaries of congressional power. There had been much debate among the Founders regarding whether the Bill of Rights should even exist at all. So how is it that a document whose original purpose was to be nothing more than a protection of civil rights has now become interpreted effectively as the source of the people's civil rights?
submitted by Keith502 to USHistory [link] [comments]
The Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.I think the three most important phrases in this paragraph are “in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers”, “declaratory and restrictive clauses”, and “extending the ground of public confidence in the Government”. These three phrases seem to best sum up what the Bill of Rights was originally meant to accomplish: it is a list of declaratory and restrictive clauses whose purpose is to prevent the misconstruction or abuse of the Constitution’s powers, and to increase public confidence in the federal government. And if one were to look at the Bill of Rights, its text would seem to be in harmony with this statement of purpose. The Bill of Rights consists mostly of negative clauses which put restrictions on the federal government; it states what shall not happen or what shall not be done by Congress, such as prohibiting freedom of religion, abridging freedom of speech, infringing the right to keep and bear arms, violating the right to be secure in property, etc. And the ninth and tenth amendments do not mention any particular rights whatsoever, and clearly just serve the purpose of preventing the Constitution from being misconstrued or abused to diminish the rights of the states and the people, and to prevent granting the federal government more power than the Constitution meant for it to have. The phrase “extending the ground of public confidence in the Government” further indicates that the Bill of Rights was not really meant to add rights not already stipulated in the Constitution, but was only meant to reinforce trust in the federal government at the time of the Founding. The Bill of Rights was not meant to add any substantive articles to the Constitution, but rather it consisted of articles whose purpose was to reinforce the articles that had already been established, and prevent them from being misinterpreted in the future by any unscrupulous members of the federal government. Also notice that there is nothing written here in the preamble about granting rights to the American people, let alone granting specifically individual rights to the American people: you would think if the framers of the Bill of Rights had meant for this to be the document’s effect, they would have stated so clearly in the preamble.
Another piece of evidence for my conclusion comes in an address given by James Madison -- the author of the Bill of Rights -- in the House of Representatives on June 8, 1789. This address involved an early proposal of amendments to the Constitution. Before listing his various propositions for amending the Constitution, Madison said this:
There have been objections of various kinds made against the Constitution. Some were levelled against its structure because the President was without a council; because the Senate, which is a legislative body, had judicial powers in trials on impeachments; and because the powers of that body were compounded in other respects, in a manner that did not correspond with a particular theory; because it grants more power than is supposed to be necessary for every good purpose, and controls the ordinary powers of the State Governments. I know some respectable characters who opposed this Government on these grounds; but I believe that the great mass of the people who opposed it, disliked it because it did not contain effectual provisions against encroachments on particular rights, and those safeguards which they have been long accustomed to have interposed between them and the magistrate who exercises the sovereign power; nor ought we to consider them safe, while a great number of our fellow-citizens think these securities necessary.The part I've put in italics indicates that the major purpose of the amendments to the Constitution was to reassure citizens that effective protections were put in place to prevent the “magistrate who exercises the sovereign power” from encroaching upon their rights. Notice there is nothing written here about granting rights to the people, only protecting the people's pre-existing rights from the federal government.
Following the above statement, Madison begins to list a variety of proposed additions to the Constitution, and he proposes the additions be inserted into the body of the Constitution itself, at various sections. Ultimately, he begins to propose a certain list of amendments to be inserted within article 1, section 9; and this particular list happens to correspond to most of the articles which comprise the Bill of Rights as it exists today:
Fourthly. That in article 1st, section 9, between clauses 3 and 4, be inserted these clauses, to wit: The civil rights of none shall be abridged on account of religious belief or worship, nor shall any national religion be established, nor shall the full and equal rights of conscience be in any manner, or on any pretext, infringed.It is notable to consider that Madison initially proposed the Bill of Rights to be integrated into the Constitution itself, rather than to be a separate document. But what is even more notable is the specific location it was proposed to be inserted in. Article 1, section 9 is specifically the location of the Constitution dedicated to enumerating the prohibitions upon the power of Congress. What this means is that the original plan for the amendments currently appearing in the Bill of Rights was for them to merely be a list of stipulations regarding what Congress was not allowed to do. Thus, it would make no sense for those same clauses today to be construed as being themselves grants of rights to individual American citizens, anymore than other articles within this same section -- such as Congress being prohibited from abolishing the slave trade before 1808, or laying taxes on state exports -- could themselves be considered grants of individual rights to American citizens.
The people shall not be deprived or abridged of their right to speak, to write, or to publish their sentiments; and the freedom of the press, as one of the great bulwarks of liberty, shall be inviolable.
The people shall not be restrained from peaceably assembling and consulting for their common good; nor from applying to the Legislature by petitions, or remonstrances, for redress of their grievances.
The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; a well armed and well regulated militia being the best security of a free country: but no person religiously scrupulous of bearing arms shall be compelled to render military service in person.
No soldier shall in time of peace be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner; nor at any time, but in a manner warranted by law.
No person shall be subject, except in cases of impeachment, to more than one punishment or one trial for the same offence; nor shall be compelled to be a witness against himself; nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor be obliged to relinquish his property, where it may be necessary for public use, without a just compensation.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
The rights of the people to be secured in their persons; their houses, their papers, and their other property, from all unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated by warrants issued without probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, or not particularly describing the places to be searched, or the persons or things to be seized.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, to be informed of the cause and nature of the accusation, to be confronted with his accusers, and the witnesses against him; to have a compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor; and to have the assistance of counsel for his defence.
The exceptions here or elsewhere in the Constitution, made in favor of particular rights, shall not be so construed as to diminish the just importance of other rights retained by the people, or as to enlarge the powers delegated by the Constitution; but either as actual limitations of such powers, or as inserted merely for greater caution.
Another piece of evidence can be found in the 1833 Supreme Court case Barron v Baltimore. This case essentially makes explicit that which was originally understood about the Bill of Rights -- that it was meant only as a list of prohibitions upon Congress. The following excerpt makes this clear:
Had the framers of these amendments intended them to be limitations on the powers of the State governments, they would have imitated the framers of the original Constitution, and have expressed that intention. Had Congress engaged in the extraordinary occupation of improving the Constitutions of the several States by affording the people additional protection from the exercise of power by their own governments in matters which concerned themselves alone, they would have declared this purpose in plain and intelligible language.And then the aforementioned case was subsequently referenced by the 1875 Supreme Court case US v Cruikshank, which further reinforced the same conclusion while addressing the first and second amendments of the Bill of Rights:
But it is universally understood, it is a part of the history of the day, that the great revolution which established the Constitution of the United States was not effected without immense opposition. Serious fears were extensively entertained that those powers which the patriot statesmen who then watched over the interests of our country deemed essential to union, and to the attainment of those invaluable objects for which union was sought, might be exercised in a manner dangerous to liberty. In almost every convention by which the Constitution was adopted, amendments to guard against the abuse of power were recommended. These amendments demanded security against the apprehended encroachments of the General Government -- not against those of the local governments. In compliance with a sentiment thus generally expressed, to quiet fears thus extensively entertained, amendments were proposed by the required majority in Congress and adopted by the States. These amendments contain no expression indicating an intention to apply them to the State governments. This court cannot so apply them.
The first amendment to the Constitution prohibits Congress from abridging "the right of the people to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." This, like the other amendments proposed and adopted at the same time, was not intended to limit the powers of the State governments in respect to their own citizens, but to operate upon the National Government alone. [. . .] It is now too late to question the correctness of this construction. As was said by the late Chief Justice, in Twitchell v. The Commonwealth (#325), 7 Wall. 325, "the scope and application of these amendments are no longer subjects of discussion here." They left the authority of the States just where they found it, and added nothing to the already existing powers of the United States.So as you can see, it was well-established from the time of the country’s founding that the Bill of Rights was never meant to itself be a grant or guarantee of rights to the American people. The official function of the Bill of Rights was always prohibitive rather than affirmative: the purpose was to restrain the federal government, rather than to endow something to American citizens. So what I don’t understand is: how has the Bill of Rights become so misunderstood and misapplied? Why is it that, from the layman even to the level of the modern-day Supreme Court, it is believed that the Bill of Rights is meant to grant or guarantee rights to individual American citizens, when this conclusion is unequivocally unsupported by the historical record? And not only is this conclusion not supported by the historical evidence, but I would argue that it contradicts the very purpose of the Bill of Rights; the whole point of the document was to limit the power of Congress, but interpreting the document to be a federal guarantee of rights to the people is, in effect, a transference of power to the federal government never stipulated in the Constitution, and is in violation of the tenth amendment.
The particular amendment now under consideration assumes the existence of the right of the people to assemble for lawful purposes, and protects it against encroachment by Congress. The right was not created by the amendment; neither was its continuance guaranteed, except as against congressional interference. For their protection in its enjoyment, therefore, the people must look to the States. The power for that purpose was originally placed there, and it has never been surrendered to the United States.
The second and tenth counts are equally defective. The right there specified is that of "bearing arms for a lawful purpose." This is not a right granted by the Constitution. Neither is it in any manner dependent upon that instrument for its existence. The second amendment declares that it shall not be infringed, but this, as has been seen, means no more than that it shall not be infringed by Congress. This is one of the amendments that has no other effect than to restrict the powers of the national government, leaving the people to look for their protection against any violation by their fellow citizens of the rights it recognizes, to what is called, in The City of New York v. Miln (#139), 11 Pet. 139, the "powers which relate to merely municipal legislation, or what was, perhaps, more properly called internal police," "not surrendered or restrained" by the Constitution of the United States.
The Bill of Rights, according to its original design, is essentially superfluous; effectively declaring nothing in itself, and only serving to clarify the intent of the Constitution, prevent it from being adversely misinterpreted, and to make explicit what was implicitly acknowledged regarding the boundaries of congressional power. There had been much debate among the Founders regarding whether the Bill of Rights should even exist at all. So how is it that a document whose original purpose was to be nothing more than a protection of civil rights has now become interpreted effectively as the source of the people's civil rights?
2024.05.18 19:28 Entire-Comedian1990 Being autistic and finding an individual so irritating it's a struggle to be polite.
My sister, who I'm very close with, has a partner that I just cannot stand. He is a fairly good person generally and i used to get on with him okay, but he and my sister have had an on and off again relationship and at points he has been a complete immature dick to her. My sister has a number of health conditions that unfortunately are only going to worsen as she gets older (we're all in our 50s). Her partner also has health conditions that are more serious and worsening, and only really has another 10 years max. He is depressed, completely understandably, but does nothing to help himself or take any of the help offered to him. He doesn't do anything without her and she has lost all of her independence.
Over time I have developed this intense disliking of him. To the point where I struggle to even be in the same room as him and mask effectively. Every conversation I have with him is negative and depressing, and as an autistic person I find conversing with him absolutely exhausting. I just want to scream at him to sort his shit out and make the most of the time he has left instead of moping around his house all the time and forcing my sister to as well. I know he's struggling mentally with his health issues, and I've tried helping her to help him, finding things like activity groups for him to get involved in and such, and getting him counselling, but he won't do anything without her. He is at every family event and even social things with just the two of us, without any real notice, means he has to come along.
I'm now finding I am avoiding seeing my sister because I know he will be there too and I really struggle to be around him. I find social situations difficult anyway, but with my family less masking is involved and my anxiety and such arent as taxing when its just them. But with him there too its exhausting and it makes me angry.
I dont want to lose my relationship with my sister, but I am finding it so difficult to be around him that I keep cancelling our plans and not going to family events when she mentions, without notice, that he will be joining us. Which is also harming my relationship with the rest of our family.
I have spoken to her about how, due to my lacking social skills, I find him draining and difficult to be around. She said she understood, but still tries to force us into the same social situations and wont come to a family event without him. Things like Christmas and family holidays, which i find really quite difficult anyway, means i have to spend days with him being negative and depressing and have to mask around him constantly. Not to mention all the last minute changes of plans to fit with his health condition. And now she's asked him to marry her.
My sister says he makes her happy, but because of him she's passing up on opportunities she's waited for, and is going to spend the rest of her able bodied life giving him palliative care. Which I think is selfish of him and adds to my anger towards him.
So I'm just wondering if other autistic people can find someone so exhausting to mask around that they feel violent anger towards them? And if anyone else, autistic or not, knows how to deal with an individual that makes you so intensely infuriated that it consumes you?
I would really love to be able to deal with this so I can be in social situations with them both without feeling such inner turmoil. Any tips would be much appreciated!
submitted by Entire-Comedian1990 to AutisticAdults [link] [comments]
Over time I have developed this intense disliking of him. To the point where I struggle to even be in the same room as him and mask effectively. Every conversation I have with him is negative and depressing, and as an autistic person I find conversing with him absolutely exhausting. I just want to scream at him to sort his shit out and make the most of the time he has left instead of moping around his house all the time and forcing my sister to as well. I know he's struggling mentally with his health issues, and I've tried helping her to help him, finding things like activity groups for him to get involved in and such, and getting him counselling, but he won't do anything without her. He is at every family event and even social things with just the two of us, without any real notice, means he has to come along.
I'm now finding I am avoiding seeing my sister because I know he will be there too and I really struggle to be around him. I find social situations difficult anyway, but with my family less masking is involved and my anxiety and such arent as taxing when its just them. But with him there too its exhausting and it makes me angry.
I dont want to lose my relationship with my sister, but I am finding it so difficult to be around him that I keep cancelling our plans and not going to family events when she mentions, without notice, that he will be joining us. Which is also harming my relationship with the rest of our family.
I have spoken to her about how, due to my lacking social skills, I find him draining and difficult to be around. She said she understood, but still tries to force us into the same social situations and wont come to a family event without him. Things like Christmas and family holidays, which i find really quite difficult anyway, means i have to spend days with him being negative and depressing and have to mask around him constantly. Not to mention all the last minute changes of plans to fit with his health condition. And now she's asked him to marry her.
My sister says he makes her happy, but because of him she's passing up on opportunities she's waited for, and is going to spend the rest of her able bodied life giving him palliative care. Which I think is selfish of him and adds to my anger towards him.
So I'm just wondering if other autistic people can find someone so exhausting to mask around that they feel violent anger towards them? And if anyone else, autistic or not, knows how to deal with an individual that makes you so intensely infuriated that it consumes you?
I would really love to be able to deal with this so I can be in social situations with them both without feeling such inner turmoil. Any tips would be much appreciated!
2024.05.18 19:27 Yurii_S_Kh Monotheism. Part 2: Judaism
 | Part 1 submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments] Judaism: a Retreat from Biblical Monotheism The history of the Jewish people is clearly divided into two periods: before and after the expiatory death of Jesus Christ. As the Sacrifice for the sins of the world had not yet been carried out, Old Testament history continued, the entire meaning of which consisted in waiting and preparation to meet the coming Savior. Messianic expectations were particularly pronounced during the last decades before the arrival of the Savior into the world. People not only in Jerusalem, but also in other cities and villages of Palestine, waited for the Messiah foretold in the Holy Scripture. Christ and the Pharisees Time was fulfilled. The Messiah came, but Jewish leaders, Pharisees, and Sadducees condemned him to death. But why were the Pharisees, Sadducees, and scribes offended? Why was it enough for the Samaritan woman to reveal the secret side of her life for her to gladly believe that the traveler standing beside her, weary from the road and asking her for water, was Christ (see John 4:42)? Why did the Pharisees and scribes, who were witnesses to the magnificent miracles performed by Jesus and knew the Scriptures better than anyone else, stubbornly refuse to recognize Christ? Finally, one more question: why did they hate Him, despite the fact that he delivered many people from terrible disease and suffering? The answer must be sought in the peculiarities and character of the spiritual life of the leaders of Israel. Religious life demands of a person self-attentiveness, moral sensitivity, humility, and pure intentions. Without this, the heart gradually hardens. A change inevitably occurs, the consequences of which are spiritual death. Already before the beginning of our Savior’s Gospel of the Heavenly Kingdom, the Jews had begun to imagine the Messiah as a powerful earthly king, who would exalt them above all nations and make them wealthy and powerful. This concept of the Messiah corresponded to their spiritual and moral condition. For a proper understanding of the prophecy inspired by the Holy Spirit, not doctrinal erudition, but pure, uncorrupted faith was necessary. The consciousness of lawyers and scribes, corrupted by sin, did not notice the parts of the Old Testament in which the spiritual qualities of the promised Messiah are given: "behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass" (Zech. 9:9); " Behold my servant, whom I uphold; mine elect, in whom my soul delighteth; I have put my spirit upon him: he shall bring forth judgment to the Gentiles. He shall not cry, nor lift up, nor cause his voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth" (Isa. 42:1-3; cf.: Matt. 12:20). Despite all the seemingly multifaceted events preceding the trial of the Savior of the world, there is only one reason for such a grave sin to have been committed—the people were rooted in sin and loved it. They seethed with anger at He who had come to the world to conquer and destroy sin. After Christ the Messiah, who came to save the world, was slandered, profaned, and put to death, the spiritual death of the chosen people began. The Lord Jesus Christ spoke to the Hebrews directly, "He that hateth me hateth my Father also" (John 15:23). This means that the monotheism of the Hebrew leaders became entirely formalistic. In literature, Old Testament religion, which ends with the conclusion of the New Testament, and Judaism, are often confused. This association is completely wrong. The expectation of the Messiah, which permeated the centuries-long history of the religion of the descendants of the Prophet Moses, ended. The goals and aspirations of the Hebrews, led by the Pharisees and Sadducees, stayed on Earth. Earthly well-being, wealth, success, and power became core values. In keeping with these, they imagined the anticipated Messiah. However, the prophets foretold the coming of another Messiah—the Suffering Messiah. The Prophet Isaiah, who is called the "Old Testament Evangelist" (see Saint Jerome, Letter to Paulinus) because of his many prophesies and the precision of their fulfillment in Jesus Christ, speaks about this with impressive clarity and precision. What then is the true Messiah? "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth… for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand" (Isa. 53:7-10). Were the Jews familiar with this chapter of the great prophet? Not all of them. Usually during weekly readings at the synagogue this chapter is omitted. Here is an excerpt from the memoirs of Rosa Price, who survived the horrors of several Nazi concentration camps and accepted Jesus Christ. Her daughter became a follower of the Savior Jesus, but she adhered to old misconceptions. "I ran to the rabbi. He would tell me different Scriptures with which to challenge my family. In response, they would give me five more. At the urging of my family, I asked the rabbi about Isaiah 53. He said, “No Jew reads that, especially not a Jewish woman.” So I couldn’t read it. The same for Psalm 22. There are 328 prophecies of the coming of the suffering servant Messiah. I asked the rabbi about almost all of them. Finally, the rabbi told me not to come to the synagogue anymore because I had read him Isaiah 53" (Rosa Price. The Survivor // Sid Roth. They Thought for Themselves. WWP, 2007). How did the lawyers, who knew many parts of the Old Testament Bible by heart, explain the chapter? In the period of the Talmud's formation, the scribes recognized that the 53rd chapter was a prophecy of the Messiah's coming. However, beginning with the famed Hebrew exegete Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki; 1040 - 1105), rabbis assert that the 53rd chapter speaks of the Jewish people. A simple reference to the text can refute this belief.
The Forerunner of the coming of the Messiah is also mentioned in the Old Testament. "Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of hosts" (Mal. 3:1). Dwellers in Palestine knew the Holy Scripture and saw in John, who preached repentance, the Angel of the Covenant predicted by the prophets. Thus, people from all of Jerusalem and all the outskirts of the Jordan came to him (see Mark 1:5). In the holy books of the Old Testament, there are prophecies of all of the main events in the life of Jesus the Messiah. The prophet Micah identified the place of birth: "But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting" (Mic. 5:2). The Word of God demonstrated the great spiritual gifts of the future Anointed One. "And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots: And the spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord" (Isa. 11:1-2). All of this was fulfilled by Jesus: "... the people were astonished at his doctrine: For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes" (Matt. 7:28-29). Through the prophets, the Holy Spirit indicated a special distinguishing feature of the Messiah, the extraordinary power of wonderworking: "He will come and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing: for in the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert" (Isa. 35:4-6). When the two men came to Jesus from John the Baptist to ask, "Art thou he that should come? or look we for another?" (Luke 7:20), the Lord before all else points to the miracles he has performed: "The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached. And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me" (Luke 7:22-23). The people knew that the Messiah would be characterized by the miracles he performed. "Then was brought unto him one possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the blind and dumb both spake and saw. And all the people were amazed, and said, Is not this the son of David?” (Matt. 12:22-23). A mind corrupted by sin could not notice the parts of the Old Testament in which the spiritual qualities of the promised Messiah are given: "Behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass" (Zech. 9:9).
What is this "central pillar" of Judaism? I will introduce an excerpt from the Tract Sabbath, with commentary from Rabbi Pinchas Kehati: "The cripple may go out with his wooden leg; such is the decree of Rabbi Meir, but Rabbi Jose prohibits it. If the wooden leg has a receptacle for pads, it is subject to defilement. Crutches are subject to defilement by being sat or trodden upon; but one may go out with them on Sabbath and enter the outer court (of the Temple). The chair and crutches of a paralytic are subject to defilement, and one must not go out with them on the Sabbath nor enter the outer court (of the Temple). Stilts are not subject to defilement, but nevertheless one must not go out with them on Sabbath." Commentary: "The cripple, a man with one amputated leg, may go out on the Sabbath on his wooden leg, an artificial leg, made according to the size of his shin. Such is the decree of Rabbi Meir, who believes that an artificial leg corresponds to footwear, while Rabbi Jose forbids the cripple from going out with his wooden leg on the Sabbath. According to him, it does not correspond to footwear because the cripple stands primarily with his hands on a cane, while the artificial leg is only for appearance's sake so that his physical handicap would go unnoticed. Thus, the artificial leg on Sabbath is seen as an unnecessary load, and it is prohibited to enter with it. According to the other point of view, Rabbi Jose agrees that the artificial leg equates to footwear, however he is afraid that the man will detach it and will carry over 4 cubits into the public domain, but Rabbi Meir does not have this fear.” I risk fatiguing the reader, but I will introduce one more place from the Talmud to fully portray the spiritual deadness of ritualism. “There are two acts constituting the transfer (of things which are prohibited) on the Sabbath, which are in turn subdivided into four for a man who finds himself inside a private domain (reshut hayachid). The two acts are, however, increased to four for a man who finds himself outside in the public domain (reshut harabim). How so? For example, a mendicant stands outside (in reshut harabim) and the master of a house inside (in reshut hayachid). The mendicant passes his hand into the house (through for example a window) and puts something into the hand of the master (let's say a basket, so that he might give him a piece of bread), or (another variation) the mendicant reaches out and takes something from the master's hand (a piece of bread). In these two cases, the mendicant is breaking the law of the Sabbath, but the host is not. Or, if the master of the house (being inside) passes his hand through a window and puts, say, a piece of bread, into the hand of the mendicant, or, having put out his hand, he takes an object (a basket) from the hands of the mendicant, who is standing outside on the street, and brings it into the house, the master of the house would have broken the law of the Sabbath, but not the mendicant. This is the first part of the Mishna, which has demonstrated to us what the “two acts” of transferring objects mean, from the position of one who is inside, and from the position of one who finds himself outside. Carrying out any of these acts on the Sabbath is prohibited" (Tract Sabbath).[1] Instead of a living faith in a merciful God and love towards one’s fellow man, entire volumes of the Talmud are filled with the sophistic disputes of various rabbinical schools over what to do with an egg laid by a chicken on the Sabbath, or about a host giving bread to a beggar, so that he does not break the Sabbath. What a huge spiritual distance there was between the prophets and the scribes! The first to shine in the faith were those who participated in the source of heavenly wisdom, while others directed their extraordinary erudition to "solving" questions irrelevant to life. The lawyers occasionally thrashed out whether one may move a ladder from one dovecote to another on feast days. It is obvious that religious life, in which ritualism is the determining principle, will become formalistic. "Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men" (Isa. 29:13). Falling away from the living source of Truth will inevitably lead to dissolution and barrenness. In medieval European church art, the contrast between Christianity and Judaism was allegorically represented in the form of two female figures: the Church and the Synagogue. The south portal of the transept (cross aisle) of the cathedral in Strasbourg (approx. 1230) is decorated with such sculptures. The woman representing the Church, clearly and confidently carries a cross in her right hand as if resting on it. The straight folds of her cloak, flowing down to the ground, make her figure solid and firm. Her head is crowned. Her gaze is cast into the distance. The figure of the synagogue holds to her body a spear broken in several places. The bend of the figure repeats the broken line. Scrolls fall out of her left hand. Her head is downcast. Her eyes are blindfolded, a symbol of spiritual darkness.
Kabbalah is divided into the contemplative (Kabbalah Iyunit) and practical (Kabbalah Maasit). The central aspect of the Kabbalah is Ein Sof (The Infinite). In contrast to the God of the Holy Scriptures, Ein Sof has no name because he is without person, unknowable, and incomprehensible. No attributes can be ascribed to him. Ein Sof makes himself known in his manifestations (not to all, but to Jewish mystics). Ein Sof's chief manifestation is the original man, Adam Kadmon. Through his emanations (flows) the ten sefirot come into being, which are the attributes of God. Ten sefirot represent the mystical body of Adam Kadmon (heavenly Adam). He appears as a result of emanation and has no image or form. The earthly Adam was created in the image of heavenly Adam. The tenth sefirot is called "the Kingdom" or Malkuth. It unites all ten sefirot. In Zohar, Malkuth—or Kingdom—denotes how the Knesset (assembly) of Israel is a mystical prototype of the House of Israel (Shekhinah). In The Dialectics of Myth (XIV. 3), Aleksei Losev writes, “As a very well-educated Jew and great expert of Kabbalistic and Talmudic literature (from which I, with the nasty habits of a European observer, sought to learn exclusively about the Neoplatonic influences in Kabbalah) told me, the essence of all Kabbalah does not at all consist in pantheism, as liberal scholars think, who compare the doctrine of Ein Sof and the Sephirot with Neo-Platonism, but rather with pan-Israelitism: the Kabbalistic God needs Israel for His own salvation, He was incarnated in Israel and became it. Therefore the myth of the world domination by a deified Israel, which is forever contained in God.” Kabbalists have established a correspondence among the different sefirot with parts of the human body. Becoming familiar with this primitive mythological arrangement of the structure of the universe, it becomes difficult to ignore the question that Kabbalists themselves do not ask: What is the source of this "knowledge"? How does one manage to conclude that the sefirot of the Crown (Keter) is the brow, the Tiferet is the chest, Victory (Netzach) and Majesty (Hod) is man's hip? The esoteric teachings of Sefer Yetzirah and the Zohar are fundamentally incompatible with the biblical teaching on God, the world, man, and humanity's path to salvation. Contemplative Kabbalah represents a combination of elements of Gnosticism of the second and third centuries A.D. and Neo-Platonism. From the Gnostics, it borrows the teaching of the 10 eons, which comprise the pleroma (universal fullness). Dualism is the link between Gnostics and Kabbalists; the idea of eternal enmity began with good (light) and evil (darkness). Kabbalah's dualistic world view finds a direct expression in Sefer Yetzirah: "Also Elohim made every object, one opposite the other: good opposite evil, evil opposite good, good from good, evil from evil, the good delineates the evil and the evil delineates the good, good is kept for the good and evil is kept for the evil.” It is evident that the teaching, which ascribes evil an ontological status, leads to the justification of evil. In contrast, according to the Holy Scripture, evil was not created by God, but arose as a result of the abuse of the gift of freedom given by God to his creatures, Angels and mankind. Kabbalistic teaching is an obvious expression of pantheism, a complete retreat from monotheism. God and the world are understood as one complete whole. The world is only a manifestation of God. Pantheism is fraught with internal contradictions. Its logical consequence is inevitably first the derogation of God, and next, denial of him, because all of the world's imperfections are attributed to him. Kabbalists divide the world into male and female elements. The right and left spheres are respectively male and female. The world is presented as a loving union, as the unification of male and female elements. The relationship between the spheres is interpreted with the help of gender symbolism. Kabbalah presents itself as a fantastical mix of esoteric occultism, blended with pagan religious and philosophical ideas. It attests to a complete regression from the great and saving teachings of the Bible with its deep and sustained monotheism. Hieromonk Job (Gumerov) [1] This appears not to be a direct quote from Tract Sabbath, but commentary based on Tract Sabbath: http://www.evrey.com/sitep/talm/index.php3?trkt=shabbat&menu=19. —Trans. [2] This cite may not be accurate to the English version. —Trans. [3] Page number may not be accurate to English version.—Trans. |