Gross text forwards

i'm a junior in highschool and i started talking to this guy from my school who had 53 followers on insta (only 2 were girls) like he was extremely shy in front of girls and we hit it off. i knew i liked him. he was physically attractive and our personalities matched well. he himself said that he felt like i was the female version of him. it was obvious that he liked me back but for some reason he kept saying he didn't want to date because his friends had bad experiences so i didn't force him into anything. for 2 months we talked daily for 12 hours. once we made a plan to meet up but i couldn't come because i got my period. he got so pissed that he refused to talk to me and deactivated his instagram. he said i was the only person he had a soft spot for and i ruined it. he even burnt the love letter i had given him. my friends thought it was really childish that he got so mad especially when we were just meeting as friends. his defense was that we had been planning to meet since so long and he was just disappointed. i wrote him a long apology and he forgave me. later, my friends told me to confront him and ask him if he really liked me because he wanted to do all these lovey dovey couple things with me like saying he wanted to marry me 9 yrs later but then saying we were just friends. so i asked him and he kept saying i don't know until he said that he did like me but he didn't want to date because of moral issues and stuff (we're Muslim btw) so i didn't push him. i told him i would wait till he was ready. we went back to normal. we even met and he gave me his bracelet and chocolates. i knew i was in love with him even though my friends didn't like him. a few weeks passed by and i felt that he was getting distant. his texts were dry and we didn't talk that often. and then all of a sudden i checked and he had unfollowed and removed me. i asked him about it and he said that he wanted to stop talking to girls since he had bad experiences (he fought his other girl friend whos the biggest pick me ive met btw) and said he was looking forward to a religious approach. i just replied with good for you since i couldn't really say anything else. my friends said he got tired of me and it was all an excuse. i don't know what to think. i mean i liked him so much just for him to break it off so suddenly. you can be friends with girls without it being sexual can't you? like even his friends were like if i was him i wouldn't hesitate to date you. and if he did want to become more religious why didn't he focus on his inner circle because from what ive heard some of his friends are shitty ppl. recently i saw screenshots of his chat history that his younger brother sent. it was his dms list full of girls (my last text to him was included) i was a bit suspicious because back when i first met him everyone said he was shy and he was afraid of talking to girls and i was the only one he romantically interacted with (he had 2 other friends that were girls and i knew them since he used to show me his dm list) but now he's texting girls that don't even want anything to do with him. went into a h0e phase after we stopped talking i guess. why would he leave me to talk to other girls that don't even want him. did my attention boost his ego idk what happened i miss it but i wouldn't want him back idk. im confused. it hurts now bcs he was my first proper love and i really wanted a future with him.

i'm a junior in highschool and i started talking to this guy from my school who had 53 followers on insta (only 2 were girls) like he was extremely shy in front of girls and we hit it off. i knew i liked him. he was physically attractive and our personalities matched well. he himself said that he felt like i was the female version of him. it was obvious that he liked me back but for some reason he kept saying he didn't want to date because his friends had bad experiences so i didn't force him into anything. for 2 months we talked daily for 12 hours. once we made a plan to meet up but i couldn't come because i got my period. he got so pissed that he refused to talk to me and deactivated his instagram. he said i was the only person he had a soft spot for and i ruined it. he even burnt the love letter i had given him. my friends thought it was really childish that he got so mad especially when we were just meeting as friends. his defense was that we had been planning to meet since so long and he was just disappointed. i wrote him a long apology and he forgave me. later, my friends told me to confront him and ask him if he really liked me because he wanted to do all these lovey dovey couple things with me like saying he wanted to marry me 9 yrs later but then saying we were just friends. so i asked him and he kept saying i don't know until he said that he did like me but he didn't want to date because of moral issues and stuff (we're Muslim btw) so i didn't push him. i told him i would wait till he was ready. we went back to normal. we even met and he gave me his bracelet and chocolates. i knew i was in love with him even though my friends didn't like him. a few weeks passed by and i felt that he was getting distant. his texts were dry and we didn't talk that often. and then all of a sudden i checked and he had unfollowed and removed me. i asked him about it and he said that he wanted to stop talking to girls since he had bad experiences (he fought his other girl friend whos the biggest pick me i've met btw) and said he was looking forward to a religious approach. i just replied with good for you since i couldn't really say anything else. my friends said he got tired of me and it was all an excuse. i don't know what to think. i mean i liked him so much just for him to break it off so suddenly. you can be friends with girls without it being sexual can't you? like even his friends were like if i was him i wouldn't hesitate to date you. and if he did want to become more religious why didn't he focus on his inner circle because from what i've heard some of his friends are shitty ppl. recently i saw screenshots of his chat history that his younger brother sent. it was his dms list full of girls (my last text to him was included) i was a bit suspicious because back when i first met him everyone said he was shy and he was afraid of talking to girls and i was the only one he romantically interacted with (he had 2 other friends that were girls and i knew them since he used to show me his dm list) but now he's texting girls that don't even want anything to do with him. went into a h0e phase after we stopped talking i guess. why would he leave me to talk to other girls that don't even want him. did my attention boost his ego idk what happened i miss it but i wouldn't want him back idk. i'm confused. it hurts now bcs he was my first proper love and i really wanted a future with him.

i'm a junior in highschool and i started talking to this guy from my school who had 53 followers on insta (only 2 were girls) like he was extremely shy in front of girls and we hit it off. i knew i liked him. he was physically attractive and our personalities matched well. he himself said that he felt like i was the female version of him. it was obvious that he liked me back but for some reason he kept saying he didn't want to date because his friends had bad experiences so i didn't force him into anything. for 2 months we talked daily for 12 hours. once we made a plan to meet up but i couldn't come because i got my period. he got so pissed that he refused to talk to me and deactivated his instagram. he said i was the only person he had a soft spot for and i ruined it. he even burnt the love letter i had given him. my friends thought it was really childish that he got so mad especially when we were just meeting as friends. his defense was that we had been planning to meet since so long and he was just disappointed. i wrote him a long apology and he forgave me. later, my friends told me to confront him and ask him if he really liked me because he wanted to do all these lovey dovey couple things with me like saying he wanted to marry me 9 yrs later but then saying we were just friends. so i asked him and he kept saying i don't know until he said that he did like me but he didn't want to date because of moral issues and stuff (we're Muslim btw) so i didn't push him. i told him i would wait till he was ready. we went back to normal. we even met and he gave me his bracelet and chocolates. i knew i was in love with him even though my friends didn't like him. a few weeks passed by and i felt that he was getting distant. his texts were dry and we didn't talk that often. and then all of a sudden i checked and he had unfollowed and removed me. i asked him about it and he said that he wanted to stop talking to girls since he had bad experiences (he fought his other girl friend whos the biggest pick me ive met btw) and said he was looking forward to a religious approach. i just replied with good for you since i couldn't really say anything else. my friends said he got tired of me and it was all an excuse. i don't know what to think. i mean i liked him so much just for him to break it off so suddenly. you can be friends with girls without it being sexual can't you? like even his friends were like if i was him i wouldn't hesitate to date you. and if he did want to become more religious why didn't he focus on his inner circle because from what ive heard some of his friends are shitty ppl. recently i saw screenshots of his chat history that his younger brother sent. it was his dms list full of girls (my last text to him was included) i was a bit suspicious because back when i first met him everyone said he was shy and he was afraid of talking to girls and i was the only one he romantically interacted with (he had 2 other friends that were girls and i knew them since he used to show me his dm list) but now he's texting girls that don't even want anything to do with him. went into a h0e phase after we stopped talking i guess. why would he leave me to talk to other girls that don't even want him. did my attention boost his ego idk what happened i miss it but i wouldn't want him back idk. im confused. it hurts now bcs he was my first proper love and i really wanted a future with him.

-My husband & I have been together for 8yr. Below is a timeline of my MIL issues starting when we first began dating, to now, several years married.
Before meeting my now-husbands mother, VERY early on in our relationship and before we were even official, his mother requested to follow me on all my social media accounts. I had not met her at the time and found it way too soon & creepy. Even at this point I got the initial feeling she was the type who forces levels of intimacy that she has not made the effort to genuinely attain.
-In the beginning I did make a concerted effort w/ his family. I quickly learned his Mother asks v. intrusive questions. It’s clear her questions aren’t genuine, but for the sole purpose of having ‘intel’. As if it’s ’information gathering’ for her benefit.
-The 2nd time meeting his mother she immediately asked me what year my parents got married. I told her I wasn’t sure & she began asking me if I knew what decade.. followed by questions re: my mom’s birthdate. Then she told me what she really wanted to know was my mom’s age (always an ulterior motive..). She was beyond giddy to discover she was younger than my mom. I told her my mom was slightly older than some of my peers mothers bc she had a daughter (my sister) before I was born who passed away and she had trouble conceiving afterwards. His mom didn’t react or respond to this as she was still so giddy to over the fact she was younger than my mom. Red flag..
-In our early relationship my husband lived in a house w/ friends. He was 26. When we’d visit his family, his mom would always say he should move back home & save money. I found this odd behavior for a mother wanting their son to grow & flourish as an adult.
-After a year & a half dating we decide to move in together. My future MIL pulls me to the side for a 1 on 1 conversation & tells me if things don’t work out, don't worry, there’s always a way to break a lease & get out of it if things aren’t going well (why would things not go well…?). She begins quizzing me re: my prior relationships/ how they ended. Before going back to the topic of us moving in together & basically tells me she doesn’t approve.. generally makes me feel unacceptEd. I tell my now husband how uncomfortable this made me & he has a talk with her, she gaslights, tells him she feels she’s walking on eggshells w/ us & did nothing wrong, we are so sensitive, how she doesn’t do anything right.
-She begins incessantly planning get togethers with us, telling us she never gets to see us (when we visit 1-2x/month). We don’t even live in the same city. Not to mention we’re busy in our 20’s w/ friends & establishing our own lives. Every time she sees us she leads w/, ‘oh I’ve missed you sooo much. when did I see you last? Why has it been so long? I’m soooo happy to see you. (On & on, guilt trip behavior).
-Our first Christmas dating we spent w/ his family, the 2nd year w/ my family. When we told her we wojld spend the 2nd Christmas w/ my family she had a huge outburst, behaving super frantic/ triggered. We got upset and left shortly after. The following day I txted her we were upset she reacted to our plan that way, we spent the prior Christmas w/ them & it was our decision.. and moving forward we’d be splitting holidays. She played it off, said I wasn’t upset at all if you thought that I really wasn’t! I don’t think I came off like that, sorry if you felt that way, then she changed the subject. Once again gaslighting (this being the last time I confront her myself. My husband handles from here on out)
-She begins asking where I buy all my clothes. Nonstop questions ab my material possessions. Then starts going out and buying the same items for herself.
-She starts constantly telling my husband on the phone how she never sees him and making him feel guilty. When we see his parents 1-2 times a month.. and live 2 hrs away.
-Around this time, If I stated an opinion ab something (as in I would bring it up) she’d debate everything I would say as if I wasn’t allowed to have that opinion.
-Pulls me to the side of a party 1 on 1 & tells me in private ‘you’re so lucky to have my son, I just want you to know that you’re really lucky.. I hope you know it’ she wasn’t being nice when she said it.
-Around this time she tells us how my husbands sister is so sad that he (my husband) has a gf (me) but how she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Triangulating her 2 children, w/ the goal of wanting her son to feel guilt for being happy and in a successful relationship.
-Husbands mom starts getting jealous when we go on family beach trips w/ my family. We go for a week every year. She makes disapproving comments to us/ is generally unhappy her son is enjoying vacations.
-She starts making comments to now husband ab how I am closed off, crying to him about never seeing him and how he doesn’t make enough effort..
-Begins incessantly micromanaging my husband: texts him reminding him of this and that, tells him my (as in me…) birthday is X days away, to make sure to get me something, to get his sister something, reminding him he should ‘make plans with his dad soon or go see his dad soon’ or ‘have you called your sister recently? You need to call her it’s your job as a brother’
-Begins generally undermining how we live our lives, generally casting judgement on any and every decision we make.
-Around this time his sister who is only 2 years younger begins acting bratty- we give her furniture, tvs, clothing large items she says she wants and she is super ungrateful, complains about the items we give her, tells us they’re too heavy for her & that we need to carry it for her and put it In her house for her. Only calls or texts us when she needs something, wants advice, or wants to complain to us. Never any other times. It’s always all ab her.
-His sister then keeps our dog for us when we are out of town for a few days (which we were shocked her said yes). We stocked the fridge w/ 7 or so bottles of wine for her and made our home lovely/ special for her stay. Her new boyfriend even comes to stay with her (they both have roommates so this is a chance for the 2 of them to be alone). After our trip we were over the top grateful thanking her many times. She then pitches a fit to my now husband telling him we bought her cheap Trader Joe’s wine and that she can’t believe we didn’t bring her back a tshirt from our trip, complaining on and on yelling at him.
-my husband and I get engaged and his mom/sister begin trying to force get togethers, my husband sister begins asking me to go to workout classes, etc. which is v. Out of character. It continues & becomes apparent this is happening only bc we got engaged. It feels disgenuine as she never made efforts in the 5 years before we were engaged…
-My bridesmaids are my closest, nearest dearest friends who I’ve known for 10+ years. My husband’s sister cried when she found out she wasn’t a bridesmaid and started calling my husband weekly crying / begging him to be a bridesmaid. Then my MIL starts calling, telling him how disappointed she is. He tells his mother, I’m not sure why she’d expect to be a bridesmaid, she’s never made an effort, they aren’t close, she gets to select her closest friends to stand by her side. This has nothing to do with not liking or leaving anyone out on purpose. His mom cries, repeats how deeply disappointed she is, how wrong this is, etc. My husband tells his mother he plans to ask his dad to be his best man. Disclaimer: neither of my brothers were by husbands groomsmen, they couldn’t have cared less…
-My husband asks his father to be his best man. His father declines and says ‘no, not unless your sister can be a bridesmaid’………………….
-My MIL creates her own wedding hotel block for her friends and family, sending out a mass email to them. This is outside of the 4 hotel blocks we already have on our wedding website.
-I start hearing my MIL is saying to friends/family, ‘As long as my son is happy that’s all I care about, I just really hope that he is. All I can do is hope’ and telling people how devastated she is that her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid and how messed up and wrong it is and how weddings are a family celebration for the family. No one ever confronts me once about the bridesmaid situation.
-My husband ends up telling his mother to never mention the bridesmaid topic again, how he won’t tolerate it and is done hearing about it.
-We ask my SIL to give a reading at our wedding. Her response: ‘if I have to’. She is a pill our entire wedding, in almost every photo she is scowling.
-When we receive our wedding photos & upload online, my SIL/MIL text and ask me where all the photos of them are (there were plenty…). I told them I uploaded every photo our photographer sent. They told me this wasn’t true, were extremely disrespectful to me, basically told me I was lying when I wasn’t. I uploaded every single one. I even reached out to my photographer to ask if she’s deleted any of the photos before sending…
-My husband & I got into a disagreement with my SIL where we had a huge argument resulting in a 6 month period of no contact. This arises after we confronted her, calmly & maturely about an issue we had to which she cussed us out and called me every terrible curse word you can imagine. My husband was livid- told her she would not talk to/ab me that way & how childish she was behaving, how we should be able to confront her when we are upset about something she’s done, etc. After several months of no contact w/ my SIL, my MIL begins calling my husband saying: you ‘will/must’ resolve things w/ your sister. He says no & it’s not her business. My husbands father then calls him, clearly deployed by MIL (as he’s very chill/no-drama). The situation becomes even more stressful due to my MIL pressuring my husband re: a topic that doesn’t involve her. I too become stressed, seeing my in laws trying to control him. My in laws then have my SIL’s bf text my Husband saying, ‘I really hate seeing this for the family I want everyone to be ok’ (although once has my SIL attempted to reach out & apologize for calling me a bit** cu**, etc). When his attempt doesn’t work on my husband, my MIL then sends my husband & me a joint text message ab How she wouldn’t be intervening if her daughter could handle this on her own & how we need to fix it. My husband responds & tells his mom off, essentially saying: This isn’t your business. My wife is owed an apology, you guys also have never apologized for how horribly you treated us during our wedding.. the happiest time of our lives, a day we get to have exactly how WE want. My sister can handle her own problems she’s an adult, shes never going to learn bc you meddle in every problem she has bc you want things your way. Then when you don’t get what you want, you get everyone to do your dirty work for you in hopes you can bulldoze & get your way. You make everything ab you, what you want, when & how you want it. Those days are over (this is a summary of his response).
(hmm wonder why my SIL doesn’t know how to handle adversity, bc you handle everything for her even though she is an adult)
-SIL reaches out to my husband and says she wants to talk. He says no, you treated my wife poorly. You will reach out and apologize to her, not me. You won’t disrespect my wife. And she does do this although it takes her a week or so. And it did seem genuine.
-I think this all stems from drama my MIL creates, and when things don’t go her way she pulls others in to manipulate them & do her dirty work for her.
-husband and I lived 2 hours from his parents. We end up moving 10 hours away to create distance from his family. They disapprove and generally disapprove of any and every decision we make, as they don’t act with love and support our decisions as loving parents would.
-In laws announce they are starting an annual family vacation…to the private beach MY family has vacationed at since I was born (it’s not a mainstream location…it’s rather obscure). My in laws have never even been there before. I tell my husband I absolutely refuse to go & will not enable the intrusive/copying behavior.
-My husband & I take a trip just 2 of us. We stay in an airbnb. 3 months later his parents tell us they planned a trip to the same location for the 2 of them & they’d also found & booked the exact same airbnb we stayed at so they could experience the same exact trip my husband & I went on….
-Additional overstepping, intrusive, creepy behavior like above persists. They start buying many of the same exact material items, or furniture we own (obscure antiques, designer items, etc….), essentially copying everything we do. We want our own unique & individual things that make us, US. & it seems as if demand to show us they won’t allow us to have that for ourselves under and circumstance. Almost as if they aren’t entitled full access to our lives, so they will bulldoze and access our lives in their own ways to make them feel in control. This is my take.
-There’s no major animosity now but we have majorly pulled away from them. My husband calls his parents once a month or so. We now see them 3-4 times a year.
-Things will be nice & relaxing for a month or 2 then out of the blue my MIL will blow up out of nowhere calling my husband 8x in a row telling him he will speak to his mother he will do this and that. Often he simply ignores her or waits several days to respond. She likes to tell him ‘you need to call your father and speak with him’ ‘hey it’s dads birthday make sure do this and that’ (obviously we know when their birthdays are… we are pretty on top of things, still she cannot stand not being in control).
-MIL just flipped out on my husband for not calling her on Mother’s Day, though we send a gift, card, and send multiple texts first thing in the morning. My husband received multiple messages from his dad : why have you not called your mother??? Did you forget? Call your mother now. We’re skeptical the texts were actually from his dad..
-Although we’ve distanced ourselves, the every 2 mnth outbursts are exhausting. I am now 6 weeks pregnant. So excited! BUT Dreading telling them as I envision MIL & SIL making it all about them, freaking out ab how we aren’t involving them enough.. I imagine my MIL starting to disgeuninely call/text me constantly, demand to be involved at the level she expects & believes she deserves, will probably buy high chairs, cribs, etc for her own home.. and make it about her In any way possible.
Any advice on how to deal with a woman like this? I feel like I have to constantly prepare for her actions, outbursts, or things she might say. She’s draining, the pressure she puts on my husband is absurd, her expectations are outrageous, she’s judgmental and controlling, everything is about her, and she is emotionally immature in every way. I feel protective over my husband and our marriage and can’t stand them constant trying to order him around with their high expectations and demands. Help!

Some backstory before you bomb me with let it be that's not your business, cuz I'm really worried about her and she is such a nice person.
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.

Hello,
A friend got a GC for Crumbl & doesn’t want it so she forwarded me the card via text but it won’t work bc the phone #s are different. I was in store and they had no idea how to fix it. Has anyone had this issue & can help? Thanks

Trigger warning, mental health topics like suicide. Thanks for reading this. I filed for divorce back in Nov because my husband’s mental health was not improving and he was getting more abusive towards me and his disabled 10 year old son (whom I adopted). We had spent Oct apart to see how a split would be and I felt my like was more peaceful. His mental health continued to decline and this culminated in a bad episode where he screamed and cursed at me then threatened to kill himself in front of our son. I got us out and called the police and they took him to the hospital. After getting out, he was not allowed to see my son other than at supervised visitation locations or to come to the house.
He went out of state to stay with family, then found an inpatient treatment center in Cali. We agreed that I would hold off with the divorce to allow him to use the health ins and focus on treatment full time while I took care of our son and worked full time. During this time, he would still try to flirt with me and say he still loves me, etc. I turned him down and eventually his advances stopped and I hoped he was focusing on recovery. The first treatment center was not good (understaffed, false advertising, etc.) so he then moved to an intensive outpatient center that he had found nearby.
He started saying that he wanted to move to Cali because of state programs and lifestyle. I was annoyed that he would be so far from our son, leaving me with full time care, but he had never been very reliable or responsible. He said he was depressed and his calls grew less frequent. However, I foolishly started harboring a small hope that he would actually get better and come back to our family.
He told me about a month ago that he was being released. He mentioned randomly wanting to move to the same town where the treatment center was located. This bothered me, why there? On the day he was released, I figured it out…there must be a woman. I confronted him and he said he had a gf but they broke up. I was immediately DEVASTATED. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t understand how he could be so immature and selfish to do this while he was supposed to be focusing full time on treatment. He acted like I was over-reacting and I spent hours texting him and explaining my concerns, such as, what if she ends up pregnant? He continued to act like I was overreacting, that his treatment was not affected, that trauma bonding between patients is common, etc. I pivoted in our divorce to continue requiring supervised visits as I could not trust his recovery. I also started having intrusive thoughts about the woman, who I found out was another patient. I grew extremely jealous. I spent time trying to convince him not to abandon our son and move across the country. We ended up spending countless hours talking and going over our communication issues, he finally apologized profusely, took accountability for fucking up, and was somewhat friendly. He said the relationship with the other patient was toxic and completely over. He said I had made it pretty clear after Oct and by filing divorce that our relationship was completely over, if he had known that there was still some hope, or how much this would have hurt me, that he would have made different decisions.
He arrived back in town on Wed. I spent the evening talking to him, and the is point my desire to rekindle something was embarrassingly full tilt, he was soo much calmer and collected but also very distant. We spent more time together and I grew more confused. I finally confessed to him yesterday that I wanted to try and see if anything was left of our relationship before filing the final papers. The extra draw to it for him would be the financial stability and support I am capable of providing. We talked on the phone and he said it was all too fresh and too much, as I have the house he is basically on the verge of being homeless and is jobless. But he said he was open to discussing it further.
Fast forward to last night, he exercised a supervised visitation with my son and we talked briefly after. He told me he needed to tell me something, that his ex-gf from the facility was indeed pregnant. I almost threw up. I am 38 and wanted kids with him, but our relationship was never stable enough emotionally or financially to try. I asked if she was going to keep it and he said at first no but now she was changing her mind. She is still a patient at the treatment center and is there bc of a recent suicide attempt. The whole thing makes me feel so ill.
The icing on the cake was last night, when he indicated that he had stipulations for getting back together with her. When I wanted to get back with him he was unsure (he already knew she was pregnant), but potentially wanted to go back to her. That was the final straw for me, I really lost it on him. He was already thinking about abandoning his living son to go live with this woman, now they will have a baby. But now I can’t sleep or eat or do anything. My life feels like a Jerry Springer episode, but I am a responsible, kind, hardworking person who did so much for my husband for years, including saving his son from his abusive, drug-addicted, ex-wife and raising him as my own. I know I made choices here too that led to this mess, but I have never felt this hurt and lost before. I am trying to seek out more therapy, etc, but nothing seems to be helping yet.

Hi all, hoping the sub can help me with 2 litter box issues that I have just not been able to solve myself. Sorry for the text wall!
Background: I have two big ol 20 pound boy cats, very tall and long, comparable in size to Maine coons. One of them is an edge pee-er (sit right up against the edge and pee straight out of the box) so I need a box with high sides all around. I have tried 5-6 different “XL” litter boxes and none of them are big enough, including this one I bought a few days ago that I linked here. And others that are bigger dont have high enough sides.
Im open to a litter box with or without a cover, even though I think without is better especially for tall cats, but those without covers aren’t as great for cats who pee out of the box.

1. Anyways, all that to say, does anyone have a recommendation for an XXL litter box? (I need it at least a 3rd larger than the one I linked, it’s just too small for them).
   
2. My other cat has some stress litter habits and jumps in and out all the time. I’ve been using “Worlds Best Cat Litter” and it used to work great but lately it’s become SO SO dusty. (Cat prints everywhere gross!) Does anyone have a good recommendation for cat litter that has little to no dust?
   

Thank you!!

Excuse the slight rant.
I started talking to some dude on Tinder at the beginning of the month. Good conversation, blah blah, he asks to hang out, but of course, it was horrible timing because I was off travelling for a month. I told him that if he doesn’t wanna be pen pals with someone for a month, I understand, and he said “That is very unfortunate indeed. I don’t mind being pen pals for a bit as long as you don’t forget about me while you’re living your best life” I get back home in 2 days (He knows this). We’ve been chatting while I’m away, but it’s more like two texts per day. He’s expressed still wanting to hang out and that he’s looking forward to seeing me. However, there are some things that are making me a bit confused:

1. His texting style. Even before I left, we didn’t talk 24/7, it’s more like two texts per day, with occasional longer conversations. Not going to lie, this gives me a bit of stress because i’m not sure if it means he’s not that interested or just a bad texter or keeping his options open. However, what really gets me overthinking is the fact that he will be active on social media but not respond to my message. One of my messages wasn’t answered for a day. He had been on social media, and the next day I get a text saying he’s sorry, didn’t mean to ghost me for a day, and that he was working somewhere with bad reception. I get if someone is busy and can’t respond all the time, but if you’re interested in someone, wouldn’t you want to talk to them more??
2. I will check the people someone follows because i think it can show a lot about someone lol. he’s not following a bunch of naked women, but he’s following some influencers and who will toss a cheek pic up there. again, not a ton, but it looks like more of the recent people he has followed have been these sort of “micro-influencer” type people. he doesn’t like their posts, but he follows them, so of course, now i’m like what are this guy’s intentions, and am i even his type
3. Doesn’t like my instagram post. at first i thought it was because he just doesn’t like people’s stuff, but LOL i did some stalking and he has liked other peoples photos, and some of the stuff he has liked has been posted recently. but again, i’m like if you’re interested in someone, wouldn’t you like their stuff?

i would also like to say a couple of other things: 1. i am aware that i haven’t even met the dude and could be looking super nuts right now. i’m an over thinker and the type of person who if i notice a slight change in behaviour, will start to analyze 2. i’m having a hard time with the “if he wanted to he would” and the “bro he has shown some level of interest, you haven’t even met him, relax.” i’m just wanting to make sure i don’t get into a situation where some dude can’t commit, or just wants someone around for validation 3. his tinder thing says he’s “better in person” 4. tinder also says he’s “looking for long term, open to short”
anyways hahaha if anyone has any thoughts, that would be cool, feel free to tell me if i sound nuts

Excuse the slight rant.
I started talking to some dude on Tinder at the beginning of the month. Good conversation, blah blah, he asks to hang out, but of course, it was horrible timing because I was off travelling for a month. I told him that if he doesn’t wanna be pen pals with someone for a month, I understand, and he said “That is very unfortunate indeed. I don’t mind being pen pals for a bit as long as you don’t forget about me while you’re living your best life” I get back home in 2 days (He knows this). We’ve been chatting while I’m away, but it’s more like two texts per day. He’s expressed still wanting to hang out and that he’s looking forward to seeing me. However, there are some things that are making me a bit confused:

1. His texting style. Even before I left, we didn’t talk 24/7, it’s more like two texts per day, with occasional longer conversations. Not going to lie, this gives me a bit of stress because i’m not sure if it means he’s not that interested or just a bad texter or keeping his options open. However, what really gets me overthinking is the fact that he will be active on social media but not respond to my message. One of my messages wasn’t answered for a day. He had been on social media, and the next day I get a text saying he’s sorry, didn’t mean to ghost me for a day, and that he was working somewhere with bad reception. I get if someone is busy and can’t respond all the time, but if you’re interested in someone, wouldn’t you want to talk to them more??
2. I will check the people someone follows because i think it can show a lot about someone lol. he’s not following a bunch of naked women, but he’s following some influencers and who will toss a cheek pic up there. again, not a ton, but it looks like more of the recent people he has followed have been these sort of “micro-influencer” type people. he doesn’t like their posts, but he follows them, so of course, now i’m like what are this guy’s intentions, and am i even his type
3. Doesn’t like my instagram post. at first i thought it was because he just doesn’t like people’s stuff, but LOL i did some stalking and he has liked other peoples photos, and some of the stuff he has liked has been posted recently. but again, i’m like if you’re interested in someone, wouldn’t you like their stuff?

i would also like to say a couple of other things: 1. i am aware that i haven’t even met the dude and could be looking super nuts right now. i’m an over thinker and the type of person who if i notice a slight change in behaviour, will start to analyze 2. i’m having a hard time with the “if he wanted to he would” and the “bro he has shown some level of interest, you haven’t even met him, relax.” i’m just wanting to make sure i don’t get into a situation where some dude can’t commit, or just wants someone around for validation 3. his tinder thing says he’s “better in person” 4. tinder also says he’s “looking for long term, open to short”
anyways hahaha if anyone has any thoughts, that would be cool, feel free to tell me if i sound nuts

Hey Everyone! I was working on the delayed chapters together in hopes of getting both of them out and over with at similar times. Crazy how long this chapter took to make (It was originally supposed to be the third!!) but I’m glad it was delayed so I could work on making it the best version it can be.
Completed Chapter 2s: Thearnt, Taland, Pascal, Harmony, Crowson, Asherah
(Next Chapter 2: Oukirii the Hunter)
Asherah the Chef, Chapter 2: Recommended Level 23
——————
(The Journey So Far…)
Asherah was separated from her home, in an avalanche that sent her falling to the bottom of the largest mountain in the realm…
She made it her mission to return home, and to climb the great mountain just like her mother did.
She felt stuck as to how, until she remembered a story she was told. About what her mother’s life was like before she climbed the mountain.
Asherah set out for Limesville, in an attempt to purchase the gear she needs to survive the climb home…
“So this is Limesville. Not what I imagined it would be, but it looks like a nice town.” Asherah says “I’d better get to the shop as soon as possible. Let’s get this over with.”
You’d head to the Limesville Weapons/Equipment Shop

• Travel Banter: A Heavy Drinker (Asherah and Pascal) Pascal notices Asherah seeming off put by Limesville, and asks her how different Snowmeet is from this town. Asherah says that “It’s hard to describe ‘home’ to an outsider. A lot colder than here though.” She continues to describe what the town is like. Pascal asks “Do you have an alehouse?” Asherah confirms, telling Pascal that they drink all the time. She’s become very good at stomaching a high level of alcohol. But she does have her moments, as she tells Pascal about a time where she and her friend Eden got very drunk.

Inside the shop, Asherah speaks to the Armorer. She’d ask if they sell any Climbing Gear, The Armorer looks puzzled, and tells her they haven’t sold Climbing Gear in years. Asherah sadly nods and leaves the shop with a dent in her mood.
Asherah is spotted by an older woman outside, she’d ask “Do I know you from somewhere?”
Asherah tells the woman that they don’t know each other, she just arrived in town just now, before trying to walk away…
“Wynona?” The woman calls out
“Hm?” Asherah turns around “Oh, you knew my mother?”
“You’re Wynona’s daughter?”
“Yes. My name is Asherah.”
The Woman eagerly walks over and shakes her hand “Call me Shelby! Your Mother and I used to work together at a restaurant here long ago. —Would you like to come see the old place?”
Asherah steps back. She’s hesitant, but the idea intrigues her enough to forget about the detour from her original goal.
You’d head to Shelby’s Bakery Restaurant

• Travel Banter: Persistence (Asherah and Orlando) Orlando applauds Asherah for still being willing to continue searching after finding that the shop doesn’t carry the climbing gear anymore. Asherah makes a remark that it “Runs in the family.” She teasingly continues “I could say the same for you.” Orlando asks if she’s referring to him persisting beyond death. Asherah replies “What Else?” Orlando changes the subject and asks her where she plans to look next. Asherah says she doesn’t know, but she’ll find some other town to look.
  
• Travel Banter: One True Cuisine (Asherah and Taland) Taland gets Asherah’s attention and asks her “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Asherah asks if she’d be able to cook the food in any way, Taland confirms. She states that the best answer is potatoes. Taland wonders “Why Potatoes?” Asherah starts listing reasons, Including a variety of meal preparations, going great with any seasoning or dressing, and generally being healthy. Taland internally remarks that she’s still talking and it feels like they’ve been here for an hour.
  

Asherah and Shelby head into the kitchen, where Shelby begins to prepare a customer’s order. She strikes up a conversation with Asherah by talking about her and Wynona’s time here.
“You are putting way too much flour into that.” Asherah interrupts
“I’m sorry?” Shelby replies. Asherah asks if she can help out a little. She rolls up her sleeves and starts working. Shelby asks what Asherah is doing, She’d tell her what she was taught by her father. About adding and removing ingredients to make a dish have good balance. Not being afraid to experiment with food until it’s just right.
“Sweetie, you’re adding a lot to the bowl. We’ll lose business if we give our customers more than they paid for!”
Asherah says “Then how about you and I enjoy the leftovers of this one?”
Shelby swears “The way you talk, You’re nothing like your mother!”
Asherah pours out the food into a pan and throws it in the oven. Shelby and her would clean up and start on the next order. All while telling stories of Wynona and Sterling. Asherah talks about their life after getting together in Snowmeet, and how her name was chosen. Shelby would continue telling funny tales about her and Wynona’s experience back when they both worked in this very kitchen.
Shelby pulls the dish out of the oven and sets it down. Asherah waits a few seconds before taking one of Shelby’s knives and cutting up the pastry, saving some for the two of them. Fresh out of the oven, Asherah and Shelby both take a bite of their serving. Shelby compliments the taste and texture, She thinks it’s different and better than before. Asherah and Shelby take the rest of the food on a plate out to the dining area.
You’d leave the kitchen and head to serve a table

• Travel Banter: The Scent of Home (Asherah and Harmony) Harmony would remark about how sweet the place smells. It reminds her a lot of home. Asherah tells her that she understands what she means. Harmony would chatter on about how sweet and familiar “home” smells. Asherah giving witty responses to her observations. Harmony asks if Asherah is feeling alright, to which she responds that she is, she just can’t wait to see home again…

They’d head over to a young man’s table, “Nice to see you Cedric!” Shelby calls out. Cedric greets Shelby and begins to eat.
Cedric looks up from his food. “Excuse me, What’s your name?” he asks Asherah, with a bit of concern in his voice.
Shelby answers “This is Asherah… She’s the daughter of one of my dearest friends.”
“Ms. Asherah, may I take a look at your arm?”
Asherah realizes she had her cut exposed. She hides her sleeve. “It’s nothing.”
“I ain’t never seen that. Where did you get a cut like that from?” Shelby says
“Does it matter? I told you it’s nothing.” She pauses “It was nice meeting you Shelby but I think it’s time for me to go somewhere else and find this climbing gear.”
The restaurant door suddenly and loudly swings open. Shelby tells the other two to not mind the person coming in.
Another Chef, introducing himself as Chef Giles, enters and approaches them. “Heh. How’s your little bakery going Shelby?”
“It’s going great Giles. I’ve found a new recipe today.”
“A new recipe you say? Did this lovely lady teach you?”
“Back off.” Asherah scowls
Chef Giles proceeds to insult Shelby and her restaurant. Spouting on about his being better in every way. His words start to get to Cedric, Who stands up and tells him to leave. Shelby assures Cedric “Sweetie, He’s fine…” Chef Giles would walk over to Cedric. Asherah and Shelby stand back and observe as the two banter.
The confrontation ends with Chef Giles punching Cedric and knocking him out. Sending the entire restaurant into a shocked gasp. Chef Giles warns all of them not to bad-mouth his grand restaurant if they know what’s good for them. He would then drag Cedric away, nobody tries to intervene…
Shelby explains to Asherah that Chef Giles has been a bother for as long as she can remember. “Wynona hated his guts.” she says. Asherah asks about Cedric, to which Shelby replies that she doesn’t know what Giles plans to do with him. Asherah feels angry at Chef Giles and tells Shelby that she’ll go “talk” to him. She warns Asherah to be careful.
You’d Head behind Giles’ Restaurant, Asherah would find a cook standing outside, with the door left open. She knows this might be her only way in…
You’d ambush the cook and enter the restaurant.

• Travel Banter: Ambushing (Asherah and Crowson) Asherah asks Crowson “How did I do?” He's unsure of what she’s asking. Asherah clarifies she meant knocking out the guard, saying that it’s something Crowson sure would know a lot about. “That’s highly insensitive.” Crowson replies. Asherah apologizes and says she’ll stop talking about it if that’s what he wants. He doesn’t know how to answer.
  
• Travel Banter: That’s the Spirit! (Asherah and Thearnt) Asherah asks Thearnt what the problem is after noticing that she looked down. Thearnt tells her “Oh! Um– I’m– worried…” Asherah asks what she’s worried about, Thearnt tells her that she’s afraid of what Chef Giles will do, and that sneaking into his kitchens has her even more paranoid. Asherah tells Thearnt to relax and that someone like Giles is probably all bark and no bite. She promises to teach him a lesson, and gives Thearnt a little more confidence as they head in.
  

Luxurious Restaurant: Kitchens, Danger Level 23
Luxurious Restaurant: Kitchens, Danger Level 24
Asherah finds Cedric tied up by rope. “Asherah…?” He says trying to move, “Agh– It hurts a lot, …But I’ll live.”
Asherah begins to untie the rope, as footsteps are heard from the other direction. “You!” Chef Giles enters. “Well, if it isn’t this one… “
“Afraid you caught me Giles.” Asherah says, she looks back at Cedric “What did you need him for?”
“Hah, Just Business deals– Here, I’ll give you a reward. I can get you a nice job here, and I’ll even let him go too!”
“Not a chance.” Asherah pulls out her axe.
“Hey…” Cedric calls out
“Don’t think too much of it. I’m here to fight him, not save you.”
“Really now?” Chef Giles says
“You insulted my home and the very art of cooking. I want to teach you a lesson here Giles.”
“Chef on Chef eh? Do your worst, Bakery waste.”
BOSS: Chef Giles
(Boost Dialogue: I’m not wasting any more time Giles!)
Chef Giles is worn out from fighting, Asherah and Cedric are standing back. Suddenly, Giles shouts and charges forward. A prompt appears on screen…
(Ambush this person?)
Asherah smacks Chef Giles with her frying pan, and he’d fall to the floor unconscious. Cedric jumps, Asherah tells him that “He’ll wake up. He’s fine.”
The two of them exit the restaurant. Shelby rushes up to them, and asks Cedric if he’s alright. He confirms that he’s unharmed, She then asks the same question to Asherah. Cedric takes this moment to thank Asherah for rescuing him. Even if she said that didn’t matter to her. Asherah doesn’t respond.
Shelby tells Asherah that she has a warm heart under her cold exterior. “Well I hope it doesn’t burn me alive.” she replies.
Cedric speaks up “You said something about climbing gear earlier… right?”
“That’s right.” Asherah says
“Well, I happen to have a set back home. I’m not going to use it, and I’d be more than happy to give it to you!”
“That would be great.” She pauses “And– Where is your home at?”
“It’s… A little far away, in a town called ‘Eastport’ It's a city off the coast…”
“The coast, as in– the Beachlands?”
“Yes, just over there.”
“Right.” Asherah steps forward “I’ll meet you there I suppose.”
“Ms. Asherah!” Shelby shouts “When you do make it home again, can you pass along a message to your mother?”
Asherah agrees. Shelby would begin to write down a recipe, after giving it to Asherah, She’d say to tell her that all of Limesville missed her after she left. Asherah says she’ll try to remember that once she’s back home at Snowmeet. With that, She says her parting words to Cedric and Shelby and walks away…

• Travel Banter: Can I get a bite? (Asherah and Oukirii) Oukirii asks what Asherah is holding, Asherah tells her that she picked up some fruits from the village just before they left. Specifically highlighting some apples. Oukirii asks if she can have a bite of one, Asherah agrees and Oukirii eats a peice of it. “!” Asherah is shocked “What?” Oukirii says. “I said a bite you little snack thief!” Asherah says. Oukirii protests, Asherah responds “Your two bites was nearly a third of the apple!” Oukirii replies “Sorry Asherah, I can go find an apple tree if you want a new one?” Asherah laughs and tells Oukirii that she’s not that mad. “I’m not going to spend the rest of this journey fighting with a child.”

(Ending Text)
After meeting with her mother’s old friend, Asherah was put in the direct middle of a feud between chefs.
Chef Giles was left knocked out on the floor of his restaurant after attempting to kidnap Cedric.
Cedric offered to hand over some of his old climbing gear. Asherah now sets forward to the town of Eastport.
She anticipates a quick stop. However, she may find that it could take a while longer before she’s ready to climb back home…
——————
Asherah the Chef: Chapter 2, End.

For this roleplay, I am thinking of two distinct but connected options - depending on which specific theme you are looking for. Read below for details on each!
RESTRICTED GAMMA // NOT APPROVED FOR PUBLIC RELEASE BY THE DIRECTORATE
ASSET: AN - 4789
DATE: 2.18.2107
CURRENT DIVISION: OPERATIONS
CURRENT TEAM: DEEP COVER TEAM
You are hereby reassigned to the DEEP COVER (DCT) team within the OPERATIONS BRANCH (OPs).
You are to report to your new handler, AN - 2364, immediately for tasking.
Details of your reassignment will be provided after current assignment debriefing with AN - 2364.
RESTRICTED GAMMA // NOT APPROVED FOR RELEASE BY THE DIRECTORATE
For this roleplay, you are a member of an interstellar clandestine organization called The Directorate.
You may have already had an illustrious career within the organization, or perhaps you are about to be given your first real assignment. You get to decide!
The plot of this roleplay focuses on the investigation into a criminal organization called the Kidari Syndicate.
Your character will need to operate as they see fit, working to infiltrate, sabotage, misdirect, or even play double-agent with the Kidari Syndicate.
If you are interested in intrigue, thrillers or mystery roleplays - this is a great option!
Make no mistake though, this roleplay will be grand in scope - with your character potentially influencing way more than just the Syndicate itself through their actions.

Seeking entrepreneurial minds, brave souls, or affluent investors!
Kidari Enterprises is seeking to expand its roster of exceptional employees and benefactors.
For those interested, interviews will be conducted at the Higari Corporate Megatower - Floor 89, Suite 103.
Looking forward to introducing the best to our organization.
For this roleplay, you are an aspiring member of an interstellar enterprise called “Kidari Enterprises” - though the company itself is really just a front for the Kidari Syndicate.
You may be a visionary, someone who joins the organization hoping to do great things in their career only to be led down a much more sinister path. Or, you are a well networked mercenary who knows exactly what the organization stands for - and you just want in on the profit. The possibilities are pretty open!
The plot of this roleplay focuses on the character’s entrance, either knowingly or unknowingly, into a large criminal organization.
Your character will need to climb the “corporate ladder”, to impress the criminal bosses who run the day to day operations of the Syndicate. One day, they may even become a boss themselves, or they could turn tail and try to run with all their newly acquired dangerous knowledge.
If you are interested in dark, gritty, sometimes evil roleplays - this is a great option!
Make no mistake though, this roleplay will be grand in scope - with your character potentially influencing way more than just the Syndicate itself through their actions.

Hi there! My name is Sean and I have been roleplaying for probably close to 15 years now. I am 26 by the way! I got started with text-based roleplay while playing Runescape when I was (probably) way too young... Since then, I've had many different partners over the years. I've even created and ran a Discord group RP server that had around 30 members at its peak - but that just got to be way too much for me to deal with... Having a full time job made it extremely difficult, even with staff members!
Even though I had to leave that server behind, I still love diving into in depth roleplays with enthusiastic people. My ideal partner would enjoy collaborative worldbuilding, slow burn, intrigue and epic tales. As a Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master in real life, I have no problem creating various NPCs as the story unfolds, but I also love when my partner is comfortable doing the same - after all, I find most amazing roleplays have truly grand scope and scale and will more than likely involve more than just our main characters.
If you are interested in the options above, and made it this far - first off, congratulations! Feel free to send me a message in whatever way you feel comfortable. If you’d like to introduce yourself personally, that works. If you want to come up with a starting scene for the roleplay - go for it! I look forward to hearing from you!

My brother (35) lives in Spain with his wife and two boys (4) and (2). I live in Ireland and there is only 1hour time difference. My youngest nephew turns two today and I have it on my to-do list (and calendar reminder each year) to call him to wish him a happy birthday etc.
This morning, I woke up at 9:30am and hopped into the shower. Then I ironed a shirt and trousers to be at a church mass (Holy Communion - Catholic thing) for 11am. No breakfast, straight out the door. Then after the church, I went to my relations for some food, and as soon as I got in through the door, I asked for their WiFi so I could sit down and do a video call with the birthday boy. I then noticed a text from my brother at 12noon asking if I could 'if I could please call him as it's nephews birthday.'
I sit down, and video call at 1pm, and sing happy birthday and we have the chats. And at the very end of the call he asked if he could ask a favour and put his sons birthdays in my calendar. I said I already have them in the calendar, and I had always planned to call today. And he made the point that I'm calling at 1pm, instead of "making it a priority" and calling first thing in the morning. I said it's a birthday, and said when we were growing up our aunties and uncles wouldn't call us in the morning. He made the point that otherwise his boys are left wondering if I will call all morning or not on their birthdas. For context, I have never missed a single birthday and I have a good relationship with my brother. I said I will try to call in the morning going forward, but this isn't normal and stop acting like it is.
AITA for arguing with him? Or does he have a point? Part of me wishes to call next birthday at 4:30am..

So this is a long story so I will try to keep it short:
I started talking to him in July when he got my snapchat. It lasted a few days and then one night I asked for his number and then I texted him. I suddenly stop taking to him and I don’t know why.
Fast forward to september, he sees me at the gym and approaches me and then we start texting again and eventually plan to meet at the gym.After that, everything was good. He texted me right after we hung out and wanted to see me again. We planned to go the gym again a week later and he tells me the day of that he is going at a different time so we wouldn’t be able to see each other. I stopped talking to him after this because i was confused.
After we stopped talking, i was trying to move on but he would like my stories and DM me. I would reply but i didn’t do anything further like text him again.
In february, he texts me saying he sees me at the gym and approaches me again. We end up talking again for a few weeks. He never asks me on a date during this time and I was confused because i was starting to like him. We stop talking again and two weeks go by and i don’t see him at the gym.
Last month, I decided to text him and basically telling him that I liked him and that i was confused this whole time we have been talking and he tells me that it didn’t seem like i did. I end up asking him to hang out because i was tired of us texting and it not going anywhere. He says yes and mentions it being a date. He was out of town at this point so i said that we should hang out when he gets back. I text him a few days later to make sure we were still hanging out and he said he doesn’t know because i took a few days to respond and didn’t think it was still happening… i apologized and said that i didn’t think we had to plan it right away which i know was a stupid response. he leaves me read and then i text him again to tell him that i understand if he doesn’t want to speak with me again. He responds right away saying that he didn’t see the text and he had been pretty busy. he still texted me after but not anything about hanging out again. I don’t know if asking him again is a good idea. I was going to ask again but my friend is telling me that i am going to look desperate. I was interested in getting to know him and now i don’t know what to do.

(posted this in a different subreddit earlier)
The year is 2024, and things are not looking good for the Democrats.
Joe Biden is constantly plagued by infighting within his ranks. The Democratic Party, in addition to being hamstrung by institutions that are by nature biased towards conservatives, like the innate design of the Senate, and the conservative makeup of the Supreme Court, are constantly struggling with infighting by the purist far-left, and the impotent center. On one side, they are dealing with an increasingly irrational “far-left” that refuses to the see the bigger picture of defeating Trump, as well as dealing with a middling center that frequently resorts to “both-sideism” and shrugs their shoulders instead of calling out the clear threat of Republican rule. On top of that, the Democrats have been OBSESSED with decorum, following the rules, ALWAYS compromising, and holding their members to higher standards as Republicans refuse to do so. Do you see the Republicans compromising? Following norms? Nope. The Republican apparatus, from Mitch McConnell to the fringes of the Freedom Caucus, are constantly moving in lockstep, pushing their right-wing vision through the finish line. Some, like political scientist David Faris, argue that Democrats must realize that "It's Time to Fight Dirty", after years of pussyfooting around, finally, at long last? It's as the old saying goes, “Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line”. It’s a situation worthy of a Greek Tragedy….
….Or is it?
Because if you speak to the average Republican voter, they will absolutely not agree with what I wrote above. Rather, it is the Democrats who are enacting win after win, and getting their left-wing agenda through their finish line while the middling Republicans trip over their shoelaces. Left-wing activists, like Antonio Gramsci, have conducted a Long March Through The Institutions, like a nation proudly marching through the battlefield and conquering their enemies. The liberals control everything.The culture. The education system. The legal system. The youth. Republicans have lost the Culture War, a war that men like Chris Rufo argue that the Right barely even attempted to fight as the Radical Left had their eyes on the ball, onwards through the battlefield. Marching on. The Left has always possessed a machiavellian spirit, and an ironclad grip on every avenue that we as Americans hold dear. Men like Jon Askonas, looking at the rubble of conservatism, ponder "Why Conservatism Failed". That’s how much the Left has won! The ideology of Conservatism itself is DEAD! Meanwhile, the conservative movement, or shall I say, Conservatism Inc., is obsessed with maintaining tired platitudes about “small government” and “low taxes” as Democrats are focused on controlling every inch of the American body. Conservatives aren’t winning, they are impotently flailing. Pathetic.
Does that really make sense? Are both the political right and the political left united in lockstep, but weak and plagued with endless infighting? Can both sides be obsessed with playing the rules and compromising, but also be steadfastly seizing control of all major institutions?
A lot of the above is me rambling, but I believe this ties back to what Gallup has reported recently, as “most Americans (71%) say that, on the issues that matter to them, their side in politics has been losing more often than winning. Just a quarter say their side has been winning more often than losing.” The article also mentions that this varies based on which party is in power, and is right now "eight-in-ten Republicans and Republican-leaning independents (83%)" as well as "six-in-ten Democrats and Democratic leaners (62%)". But this a sentiment I have noticed the past several years. Dare I say, “Both sides”, having identical complaints about their political allies.
Republican voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Democrats' rules, while the Democrats are motivated and pressing forward with their left-wing agenda.
Democratic voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Republicans’ rules, while the Republicans are motivated and pressing forward with their right-wing agenda.
Our side is obsessed with compromise. Their side never compromises.
Our side is obsessed with preserving “muh norms”. Their side couldn’t give a shit about norms.
Our side is constantly held to a higher standard. Their side is constantly treated with kid gloves.
Our side is fighting with a knife. Their side is fighting with a gun.
Our side always holds ourselves accountable. Their side never holds themselves accountable.
Now, I am someone who leans more on the political left (especially the economic left), but this is a sentiment I see expressed by a lot of Republican and Democratic voters, who both feel like they are the unfairly maligned underdog.
The staticy of our current federalist, two party, FPTP system creates a significant amount of deadlock, especially as the two parties realign on class, geographic, and educational lines. Landslide elections are becoming less and less common. Neither Republicans nor Democrats seem to have the ability to break through landslide sweeps and reshape the country with a governing mandate, instead dealing with gridlock and incrementalism that is inherent to the American experiment.
I believe this situation leads to both groups of voters turning back to a comforting narrative of how their side is effectively persecuted by various forces. How their side is always held to a higher standard compared to the opposition. How they have been plagued historically by infighting and a fetish for norms and holding your pinky up.
Now, I’m not giving my opinions on which side is correct. Democrats are at a disadvantage in the Senate (I think that is partially due to Democrats bleeding away rural votes over decades). Republicans are at a disadvantage in mainstream culture (I think that is due to an incompatibility with social conservatism and capitalism, but that’s another discussion for another day).
I am simply stating that I have observed this exact same sentiment among both Republican and Democratic voters/pundits. Whether it’s left-leaning internet forums, or conservative talk radio, I see and hear the exact same lines, but flip a few words. How our side is impotent, infighting, and constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, unlike our enemies. Republicans and Democrats, faced with years or decades of painful incrementalism, at best, resort back to the same narrative. Our side is weak and divided, their side is strong and united.

Sorry if some of the stuff sounds stupid or AI-like I am not of the native tounge of English and I used one of the Google chat bots to fix up the story all the information is correct and is probably a better read anyway, just need some advice on how I should go about this weekend, I planned on staying but maybe I should leave with the kids, well act like I'm leaving and set up cameras? Ee had cameras but I took them all out after rearranging the garage years ago.
I remember it like it was yesterday, the first time I met Sarah. It was late in my freshman year of high school, and I had just made the varsity baseball team. That was a big deal for me, being the starting second baseman as a freshman. The attention and popularity came with it, but I was laser-focused on the game. Then came the charity game, where our baseball team played against the softball team to raise money for the children’s hospital. That’s where I first saw Sarah. She was the first baseman for her team, and I couldn’t deny she was beautiful. A lot of the guys on my team were talking about her, trying to get her number. But I wasn’t interested in that; I was focused on winning the game.
During the game, after I hit a single, I ended up on first base where Sarah was playing. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I didn’t acknowledge her at all, not even after the game or during the pre-game meeting to discuss the rules. Apparently, that caught her attention. She told me later that out of all the guys who tried to talk to her, I was the only one who didn’t, and that intrigued her.
A few weeks after the game, Sarah asked me to prom. She had gotten tickets from her best friend, who was a junior and didn’t want to go. I wasn’t the type to turn down a dance, so I said yes. Little did I know, that night would change everything. That night, we lost our virginity to each other, and for the rest of our freshman year and the summer, we were inseparable. We found every possible place to sneak off and be together – closets in school, secluded spots on campus, anywhere we could be alone. Sarah had a high sex drive, and I was more than happy to keep up with her.
Looking back, it was our intense physical connection and the fact that I didn’t chase her like the other guys that brought us together. Our relationship was solidified with moments like our first prom, skipping school to be together, eating at different restaurants, and getting each other promise rings that summer. And, of course, the charity game where we first met.
But it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Sarah was very popular, and a lot of guys would text her. She handled it well, always blocking numbers and reassuring me that she only wanted me. She was open and honest, even giving me her phone’s pin. She hated the idea of cheating, and she made it clear that she was committed to me. This reassurance wasn’t really needed, but it was nice to know she felt that way.
Throughout high school, we were in many of the same classes, and we excelled academically. We were partners in group projects and participated in activities together. We were inseparable, and everyone saw us as a perfect couple. Sarah came to as many of my baseball games as she could, and I attended a few of her softball games when I could. My dedication to baseball was intense, and she understood that.
Our school had a partnership with a local college, offering free tuition to students with a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I had a 4.0 GPA, which meant I had plenty of scholarship opportunities. By the time I entered college, I was making about $1,800 per semester from scholarships. Sarah and I decided to attend the same college, not wanting to be burdened with student loans. We lived comfortably during college, and I proposed to her at our graduation ceremony. It was a big deal, and our friends and family were thrilled.
After graduation, I made sure Sarah had the wedding of her dreams. I was already doing well financially, working as a lawyer specializing in insurance cases. I was the sole breadwinner for the first three years of our marriage while Sarah focused on selling items online through her flower store and completing her studies in cosmetics. She enjoyed staying at home and was very appreciative when I renovated our garage into a salon area for her business.
Around our sixth year of marriage, we decided to start a family. Our son, Isaiah, was born first, and he changed my world. Just 18 months later, our daughter, Abigail, came along. Life was good. We had financial stability, and Sarah decided she only wanted two kids after the exhausting experience of Isaiah’s birth. She had her tubes tied, and we settled into our new routine as a family of four.
Fast forward to now, Sarah and I are 35 years old, and our kids are 7 and 5. Recently, I’ve noticed some changes in Sarah’s behavior. She started leaving the kids with friends more often and coming home late. Initially, I assumed she was busy with salon appointments. But there was more to it. Our sex life, which had already slowed down, became almost non-existent. Sarah seemed upset about it, but I planned to make it up to her by spending a weekend together, just the two of us.
Then things got worse. Sarah started coming home very late, sometimes with hickeys on her neck. When I asked about them, she said they were from bee stings. I believed her at first; I’m not well-versed in gardening or bee behavior. But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. She had always been loyal, and the thought of her cheating never crossed my mind until now.
As I pieced together these changes – the late nights, the unexplained hickeys, and her distant behavior – a feeling of unease settled in. I wanted to believe her, but the inconsistencies were becoming too hard to ignore. It was time to take a closer look at what was really happening.

Tw: discussion of death in the family
About 2 months ago, I finally blocked my parents. My aunt, my nmom's youngest sister, passed away. She was pretty young, only about 50, and that of course is very sad. I have never been close to my extended family and it had been over 15 years since I had seen or spoken to my aunt, so while it's sad, I wasn't exactly grieving. My mother wordlessly texted me her obituary with no other text or explanation, and I was wary of this.
A while ago, I think a little over a year, my grandmother died, and nmom did the same thing. I also posted about that on this page, and about my suspicion that it was manipulative, and my guilt over thinking that. In the end, I reached out to give my condolences and offer help if she needed it; which she then used to ensure access to me and pressured me into communicating with her. When I attempted to pull away, she would cite sadness from her mother dying to guilt me into staying engaged. Because of this, when I received my aunts obituary, I was worried about falling into a similar situation.
I talked to my wife and decided to take a little time and collect my thoughts before responding, to make sure it was worded well and conveyed what I meant, with little room for manipulation.
However, when my mother didn't get the immediate response she had received the last time, she started sending pictures of me and deceased aunt together, from when I was around 4 years old.
I was horrified. For everything my mother has done, using the recent death of her baby sister in order to get a response from me is a pretty disgusting low. I couldn't believe she would weaponize something like that. I have put up with a lot of abuse from her my entire life, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I was furious, and blocked both her and my edad, because I didn't trust that she wouldn't try to use him or his phone to try and contact me once she realized that she couldn't get ahold of me on her own.
I'm still traumatized by that family, and still angry over a lot of what she did, including this, but over the past couple months I've been talking about it in therapy and occasionally forgetting my nmom even exists; and god, it's so peaceful when I do.
But then, two days ago, I received two voicemails from my mother.
Apparently, with my provider, when a number is blocked, I wont see that theyre calling, but I'll still receive their voicemails, unless I contact the provider and have someone manually block their access to my voicemail inbox. I immediately panicked and felt sick. I didn't listen to them, I couldn't bring myself to. I had theories of what they were. They were both short, around 12 to 20 seconds each (I deleted them and can't check), so they weren't some big tirade. I suspected that since mothers day just passed and I didn't call or text like I normally did for holidays, she had called to either, a) demand to know why, b) tell me how awful of a daughter I was, or c) doing the sweet and kind guilt method of asking why I would do this to her and make me question blocking her at all. I knew no matter which it was, I wasn't okay. But I was terrified that maybe something had happened to my dad, who was also blocked and is an enabler, but I have still always been closer to. I firmly believe he's also a victim of my mother who just never stood up for me, but that's another rant for another time. Because of that, I was scared to just delete them right away.
I already has therapy scheduled for that afternoon, and I talked to my therapist about it. We decided the best thing for me was to have my wife listen to them and delete them for me, and then if there was any emergency with my edad, they could tell me. When I got home we did just that, I gave them my phone and left the room, and came back when they were finished and the messages were deleted. I was tense as hell and ready for the worst.
They were pocket dials. My wife said it sounded like the Bluetooth on my mother's phone had hooked up to the car and she had called accidentally through it.
Of all the outcomes I was preparing myself for, that wasn't one of them. It completely took the wind out of my sails. I felt so stupid for panicking, and ended up just laying with my wife and crying. I just made myself feel crazy again, and went through the whole rigamarole of telling myself "see, you overreact, you weren't abused, you're just crazy," which they corrected of course. But it's so easy to slip back into that place.
I was tense and raw the rest of the night and following day, but started to feel a little better.
And then, that night, my edad left me a voicemail.
I wasn't staying at home that night because I was petsitting, but I texted my wife a screenshot of the voicemail notification and said that maybe the calls my nmom made weren't accidental after all. Either that, or my edad also pocket dialed me within 7 hours of my mother, which seemed awfully coincidental.
My wife found a way for me to forward the voicemail to them and I did, and they listened to it for me again. It was a real voicemail this time, in which my ndad called me by my deadname and then pointed out they hadn't heard from me in a while.
My theory is this: The first voicemail from my mother was an accident, hooked up to the cars Bluetooth on her way to work, which, since she is blocked, went directly to voicemail. She noticed this, and tried a second time, resulting in the second voicemail she left, confirming that her calls went straight to voicemail. Then, when she got off of work and saw my edad, she told and convinced/demanded for my father to call from his phone, to probe and see if he could get through to me, or if his went to voicemail too.
I knew I was right to block him too. I knew she would use him to get to me.
This all went down the day before yesterday, and I'm still tense and shaken up about it. I hate being so terrified of a voicemail, I hate knowing that my dad is just a tool for her, I hate knowing that even blocked she has this much power over my health. I'm just so exhausted from this whole thing.
I'm debating contacting my provider to cut off their access to my inbox, but for some reason I'm scared, and I'm also worried I might be overreacting. I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice on this.

(Hello, long time observer, first time caller!)
The year is 2024, and things are not looking good for the Democrats.
Joe Biden is constantly plagued by infighting within his ranks. The Democratic Party, in addition to being hamstrung by institutions that are by nature biased towards conservatives, like the innate design of the Senate, and the conservative makeup of the Supreme Court, are constantly struggling with infighting by the purist far-left, and the impotent center. On one side, they are dealing with an increasingly irrational “far-left” that refuses to the see the bigger picture of defeating Trump, as well as dealing with a middling center that frequently resorts to “both-sideism” and shrugs their shoulders instead of calling out the clear threat of Republican rule. On top of that, the Democrats have been OBSESSED with decorum, following the rules, ALWAYS compromising, and holding their members to higher standards as Republicans refuse to do so. Do you see the Republicans compromising? Following norms? Nope. The Republican apparatus, from Mitch McConnell to the fringes of the Freedom Caucus, are constantly moving in lockstep, pushing their right-wing vision through the finish line. Some, like political scientist David Faris, argue that Democrats must realize that "It's Time to Fight Dirty", after years of pussyfooting around, finally, at long last? It's as the old saying goes, “Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line”. It’s a situation worthy of a Greek Tragedy….
….Or is it?
Because if you speak to the average Republican voter, they will absolutely not agree with what I wrote above. Rather, it is the Democrats who are enacting win after win, and getting their left-wing agenda through their finish line while the middling Republicans trip over their shoelaces. Left-wing activists, like Antonio Gramsci, have conducted a Long March Through The Institutions, like a nation proudly marching through the battlefield and conquering their enemies. The liberals control everything.The culture. The education system. The legal system. The youth. Republicans have lost the Culture War, a war that men like Chris Rufo argue that the Right barely even attempted to fight as the Radical Left had their eyes on the ball, onwards through the battlefield. Marching on. The Left has always possessed a machiavellian spirit, and an ironclad grip on every avenue that we as Americans hold dear. Men like Jon Askonas, looking at the rubble of conservatism, ponder "Why Conservatism Failed". That’s how much the Left has won! The ideology of Conservatism itself is DEAD! Meanwhile, the conservative movement, or shall I say, Conservatism Inc., is obsessed with maintaining tired platitudes about “small government” and “low taxes” as Democrats are focused on controlling every inch of the American body. Conservatives aren’t winning, they are impotently flailing. Pathetic.
Does that really make sense? Are both the political right and the political left united in lockstep, but weak and plagued with endless infighting? Can both sides be obsessed with playing the rules and compromising, but also be steadfastly seizing control of all major institutions?
A lot of the above is me rambling, but I believe this ties back to what Gallup has reported recently, as “most Americans (71%) say that, on the issues that matter to them, their side in politics has been losing more often than winning. Just a quarter say their side has been winning more often than losing.” The article also mentions that this varies based on which party is in power, and is right now "eight-in-ten Republicans and Republican-leaning independents (83%)" as well as "six-in-ten Democrats and Democratic leaners (62%)". But this a sentiment I have noticed the past several years. Dare I say, “Both sides”, having identical complaints about their political allies.
Republican voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Democrats' rules, while the Democrats are motivated and pressing forward with their left-wing agenda.
Democratic voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Republicans’ rules, while the Republicans are motivated and pressing forward with their right-wing agenda.
Our side is obsessed with compromise. Their side never compromises.
Our side is obsessed with preserving “muh norms”. Their side couldn’t give a shit about norms.
Our side is constantly held to a higher standard. Their side is constantly treated with kid gloves.
Our side is fighting with a knife. Their side is fighting with a gun.
Our side always holds ourselves accountable. Their side never holds themselves accountable.
Now, I am someone who leans more on the political left (especially the economic left), but this is a sentiment I see expressed by a lot of Republican and Democratic voters, who both feel like they are the unfairly maligned underdog.
The staticy of our current federalist, two party, FPTP system creates a significant amount of deadlock, especially as the two parties realign on class, geographic, and educational lines. Landslide elections are becoming less and less common. Neither Republicans nor Democrats seem to have the ability to break through landslide sweeps and reshape the country with a governing mandate, instead dealing with gridlock and incrementalism that is inherent to the American experiment.
I believe this situation leads to both groups of voters turning back to a comforting narrative of how their side is effectively persecuted by various forces. How their side is always held to a higher standard compared to the opposition. How they have been plagued historically by infighting and a fetish for norms and holding your pinky up.
Now, I’m not giving my opinions on which side is correct. Democrats are at a disadvantage in the Senate (I think that is partially due to Democrats bleeding away rural votes over decades). Republicans are at a disadvantage in mainstream culture (I think that is due to an incompatibility with social conservatism and capitalism, but that’s another discussion for another day).
I am simply stating that I have observed this exact same sentiment among both Republican and Democratic voters/pundits. Whether it’s left-leaning internet forums, or conservative talk radio, I see and hear the exact same lines, but flip a few words. How our side is impotent, infighting, and constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, unlike our enemies. Republicans and Democrats, faced with years or decades of painful incrementalism, at best, resort back to the same narrative. Our side is weak and divided, their side is strong and united.

Oh, boy, Charlotte, do I have a doozy for you. It’s such a doozy that it comes in 2 parts. I guess it would qualify as petty revenge, since that’s the only flair that fit, but it’s more of an entitled Karen story.
For the sake of telling the story a little smoother, I'm going to explain some things up front. I (female, early 30s; let's call me Molly) am the manager in the accounting office of a very small loan company. Like, really small. We have less than 30 offices with only 2 employees at each office. For this reason, we are kind of low-tech, old-fashioned. I'm talking paper timesheets that get faxed to our office (we're also the corporate office that handles the payroll). Our office hours are 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. with a half-hour lunch. Me & my employee (who we'll call Sally) work this shift. Our boss (who we'll call Greg) is the owner & CEO. He works in the office starting at 9:00 a.m. till whenever he leaves for the day. Most of the time, that's around the time we leave, sometimes it's earlier due to errands he needs to run.
So, in Oct 2022, Sally (female, early 30s) gave us a note that her doctor wants to have daily appointments with her indefinitely. She let us know she would need to leave at 3:30 every day. Greg granted that request & even gave her the opportunity to come in early so she didn't miss any of her 8 hours each day. So, she began coming to work between 6:45 & 7:00 & would take however long of a lunch she needed to so she would have an 8-hour day.
Due to a combination of our fiscal year-end work in Oct & Nov 2022, playing catch-up from Dec 2022 to Feb 2023, & the other coworker (who we'll call Irene) leaving the company in Feb 2023 so we had to play catch-up again for several months before we got used to the bigger workload, I hadn't been able to pay too close attention to Sally's work. But in the middle of Aug 2023, I began to suspect her. I realized that the tasks Sally had in the morning would usually take me an hour & a half to do, which meant I would be relatively finished by the time I would arrive at 8:30. Sally, on the other hand, would only have stuff halfway done. Now, I knew Sally worked slower than me since I knew the job better than she did, but this still seemed very slow. I began to suspect Sally was either not arriving as early as she said she was (she was the only one in the office before 8:30) or she was arriving on time but wasn't working.
On Aug 21 (Monday), I decided to come in early to the office since I had to make up time due to a doctor appointment later in the week. So, I arrived at work at 6:40. 6:45 rolled around...no Sally. 6:50...no Sally. 7:00...same thing. Sally arrived at 7:20. Now, ok, maybe she ran into traffic. However, that's a bit of a coincidence that the one day I show up early unannounced is also the day she happens to be late. But I waited to see what time Sally would write down on the timesheet. However, she didn't write down her time until Tuesday right before she left. She had written down that she had arrived at 7:05. I asked her about it, and her response was "I must have copied it down wrong from my spreadsheet." That's strange, 'cause you hadn't arrived at 7:05 any other day that week. Just where did you copy it down from?
Now, I am curious as to what time Sally puts down when she believes no one has seen what time she arrives. So, for Sept 4-15, I would arrive in the parking lot across the street & read a book & eat breakfast while I wait to see what time Sally would arrive. Every single day, she would arrive around 7:15 or 7:20, but would write down 6:45 or 6:50, a half hour discrepancy every single day. & we have no way of knowing how long she's been stealing a half hour every day. She could have been doing this for the past year since her schedule changed.
On Sept 18, I write down Sally's actual times from these 2 weeks on a paper & tell her to correct all the times I indicated. Sally says that she will use the office clock to write down her times from now on. Wait a minute, you're saying that your phone is a half hour earlier than the rest of the world? But only when you arrive at work. When you go to lunch & leave work, it matches the rest of the clocks. & then switches during the night so your arrival time can be wrong again the next day? Wow, that's a pretty glitchy phone you got there.
On Sept 20 after Sally left, I installed a camera that connects to an app in my phone. I put the camera in a place where it wouldn't be able to see any computers/paperwork & turned off the microphone (I didn't want to risk any company info being seen/heard). I only needed to see when Sally arrived. Where I ended up placing it, I was able to see Sally where she sat at her desk.
On three of the following days, Sally would arrive 10 to 15 minutes after the time she would write down. I speak with Greg about this, & we decide to write her up. By the way, usually when an employee is caught forging the timesheet like this, it's an immediate termination. At any other office, she would have gotten fired in the beginning of Sept after I first discovered the half hour forgery. I am deciding to give her a chance to make this whole thing right.
On Sept 26 (Tuesday), I give Sally the write up when she arrives.
Sally: I'll sign it, but I don't know why. I mean, I get here at 7:00. (Ok, there's a sign right there. Who signs an official write up when their employer is lying or setting them up?)
Me: I've observed you arriving between 7:10 & 7:15.
Sally reads the write up & then keeps it at her desk for a bit after signing it. After plenty of time, I ask for it back. She grabs it, so I lean forward & hold my hand out (our desks are right next to each other), but Sally flings it at my desk. The whole thing is made better by the fact that Greg is out of town Tuesday thru Thursday. So, Sally proceeds to be angry & have an attitude all the way through Thursday. She refuses to talk or answer the phones. She does that tossing/flicking-papers-around, aggressive-typing, heavily-setting-things-down thing people do when they're frustrated or angry (which she did all...day...long). She sped out of the parking lot & down the street so fast that I could hear her engine rev & tires squeal from inside the building.
On Sept 27 (Wednesday), Sally is still doing that slamming things thing. I enjoy not responding to her whatsoever. I could see out of the corner of my eye that she would slam something down & look at me. I wouldn't give any kind of reaction, wouldn't look at her, & it would piss her off. Sally would then start slamming things around again. I admit, that was fun.
On Sept 28 (Thursday), I see on the camera that Sally arrives at 7:00, but then I watch her sit on her phone for 45 minutes! She is still having attitude issues, &—unbelievably—is still slamming things. After she leaves for the day, I then see the calendar that Sally keeps on her desk as I was passing by. On the box for Sept 26 (the day she was written up), she had written the words "F***ING JOKE!". The audacity of her to write that in plain view of everyone in the office & think she wouldn't get in trouble for it.
On Sept 29 (Friday), Sally arrives at 7:00 but sits on her phone for 30 minutes WHILE VAPING! (Not sure about other cities or states, but it's illegal to smoke or vape inside a building in the city where our office is.) But Greg is back this day, & I had been texting him what's been going on. He had texted back he wanted to do a meeting on Friday. So, the 3 of us go into the breakroom for a meeting.
Greg: So, Sally, what's been going on with this timesheet thing?
Sally: I just, I forget to write down the time when I arrive.
Greg: Ok, well, whether it's done on purpose or through negligence, we can't have wrong times on the timesheet. So, from now on, you won't be able to come to work before Molly gets here at 8:30. Now, are there any other problems you'd like to discuss with us?
Sally: (begins getting worked up) I just, I feel like I can't talk to her. She creates such a hostile work environment.
Now, I am blown away. Me? Hostile? I'm autistic, so I'm naturally shy & hate socializing, so I usually don't talk to anyone very much. Everyone I tell this story to, their eyes widen when I mention this, 'cause there's no way anyone would ever describe me as hostile.
Luckily, Greg interrupts her to defend me: This isn't a hostile work environment.
Sally: (backpedaling) Well, I mean, she gets mad at her printer & bangs on it, & that just flashes me back to stuff. I mean, I'm trying to work on myself & the anxiety, & she just sends me back.
Oh, so now, we're claiming we have PTSD & that my "violent" actions are giving her flashbacks? Um, who is it laughing right along with me every time my printer jams? (By the way, I know she's lying about the PTSD, 'cause I have a couple friends with PTSD & recognize the signs. Sally doesn't show any sign of fear or panic or shrinking away from things, nothing like that. There are no signs whatsoever of her being alarmed by anything I do.) Oh, not to mention the double standards. You're allowed to slam things around (for 3 straight days, by the way), but I'm not?
Anyway, we wrap up the meeting after Greg underlines (for Sally's benefit) that everyone in the office needs to get along.
On Oct 2 (the next Monday), I had a good drive & happened to get there at 8:20. Sally arrives at 8:25 & comes in, stopping at my desk.
Sally: (annoyed) Are you gonna be early all week?
Me: (frowning & caught off-guard) Um, I don't know. It just depends how long my drive takes.
Sally: (with a snarky attitude) 'Cause I had to keep driving around waiting for you, so if you're gonna be early, I'd like to know.
Ok, first of all, no one is forcing you to drive around. You can park your car in the parking lot. Do you really think we're gonna fire you for sitting in the parking lot while you wait for me? We only said you couldn't come in & work before I do. & second, it's none of your business when I get to work. My shift starts at 8:30, therefore, you should aim for 8:30, just like Greg told you to do. How am I supposed to predict the exact minute I get to work? & you're gonna get angry at me 'cause I didn't show up before my shift starts? Since when is it a requirement of mine to come into work before I start working?
Well, a bit of malicious compliance in this entitled story: if I can see I'm going to arrive at work more than 5 minutes early, I stop at the store just down the road & shop until 8:30. 'Cause guess what? Sally gets there who knows how early & sits in the gas station across the street, waiting for me. Fine, you wanna be that way? I can be petty, too.
By the way, Sally has a radio talk show she listens to from before I get to work until it ends at 10:00. I'm not into talk shows, but it wasn't too annoying (most of the time), so I didn't say anything about it. The reason why I started having a problem listening to it was that they would get into inappropriate things (s** toy review, for example). It made me super uncomfortable when they did segments like this. From the moment Sally was written up, she started only listening to the show on her headphones, thinking she was punishing me by me not getting to hear the show. Joke's on her. Sally did me a favor by not having to listen to that thing.
Sally was also told that she is no longer allowed to take smoke breaks on the clock. As no one else in the office takes breaks but chooses to work through them, this change would be made so all employees were equal now. But here’s the interesting thing: Sally suddenly stopped taking smoke breaks at all, but her bathroom breaks grew more numerous & longer. When she had been taking smoke breaks, the alarm on her phone would go off at specific times, such as 2:00. She would then go outside to take her smoke break. After the on-the-clock-smoke-break privilege was taken away, the same alarms would go off, such as 2:00. She would then disappear to the bathroom for 15 minutes. & I even smelled smoke in there when I went in there right after one of these long bathroom breaks.
Ever since the write up, there’s been attitude every once in a while. Most of the time, I have no idea what it is I did that could possibly have set her off that day. All I know is that Sally’s suddenly slamming things around again (hmm, PTSD cured now, is it?). & she’s still constantly making mistakes (like she’s always done).
On Nov 27, Sally is working on the Funding (loan proceeds funded onto a customer’s debit card). What we do is get the list of customers, determine how much the office funded that customer, transfer the money from the office’s bank account to the holding account, & then transfer the total from the holding account to the account that directly funds the debit cards to replenish the money. We had two customers with similar names (say, John Smith & Jack Smith). Sally hadn’t paid attention to the whole name & had applied John’s $0 funding to Jack. However, Jack had been funded $250. So, that money was missed, & I had to make a separate transfer for it.
On Dec 4, Sally is working on the Funding & writes down $0 for a customer. But the report from the office says he actually got $96.
On Dec 8 & 9, we discovered 2 checks that were supposed to be sent to our office (one from Oct, one from Sept). Neither had been cashed, & neither had ever reached us, even though we had the rest of the paperwork that would have come with those checks. Due to the dots I had connected, I had a pretty strong hunch that Sally wasn’t thoroughly checking the mail envelopes to make sure they’d been completely emptied before they got thrown away. I believed these checks were still in some envelopes that were then thrown away by Sally.
On Dec 11, on the bank reconciliation sheets we work at the end of the month (like balancing a checkbook), one of Sally’s offices was out of balance by $68, & she couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find it, either. I pulled out the one done for the month before. I couldn’t find it there, either. But I did notice one thing. The checks that hadn’t cleared the bank yet didn’t add up to the total amount of outstanding checks Sally had written down. By $68. I go back to the month before that one. There were a total of $68 in old checks that never got cashed & therefore should have gotten written off on the fiscal year-end at the end of Oct. But she hadn’t transferred them to the new month’s sheet. So, now, we have to hold onto them for a whole year to write off next Oct.
The same day, I went through all the offices to double check the GL codes that we post the expense checks to (GL codes determine where an expense gets coded, e.g., post an electricity payment to the GL code for utilities). The day previously, Sally had gotten several GL codes incorrect in the Miller office. She had forgotten to change the codes from the one for the Checkbook to the ones for the expense account. She had caught those ones since it affected the balance of the Checkbook, so I had helped her fix those properly. However, there were expense checks sent to a GL code that wasn’t the right one that Sally hadn’t caught.
I talk with Greg, as I feel that every time I turn around, I am either retraining Sally on stuff I’ve trained her on multiple times, I’m correcting mistakes on stuff Sally should know how to do by now (‘cause again, I’ve trained her multiple times), or I’m disciplining Sally about stuff she’s doing wrong. Greg asks how many mistakes due to carelessness she’s made in the last 2 weeks. I check my notes & tell him 4. He says that’s too excessive for an accounting office. We need to write her up.
So, I made the write up, but I just know I’m going to be dealing with the same attitude as the last time I had to write her up. & guess what? Greg’s out of town till Thursday again. I used my phone this time to record the audio of the interaction. That way, if Sally has attitude towards me again, I’m able to play the recording to Greg so he can hear what Sally’s like when he’s not here (which is why the following conversation is pretty much word for word).
On Dec 12 (Tuesday), I sat her down first thing.
Me: So, in the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed some errors happening due to carelessness, & they’ve become a bit excessive for an accounting office. The most important thing in an accounting office is accuracy. That’s why we focus so much on thoroughness & attention to detail. So, whatever needs to happen to lessen those errors, whether it’s slowing the pace of the work itself or double & triple-checking the work before it’s finished, it needs to happen. For example, when I work the payroll, after I get the total for all the offices, I then subtract each person’s individual hours to double check my entries. That way, if there is an error, at least I know it wasn’t ‘cause I was going too fast or not paying attention or something. So, whatever you need to do to decrease the mistakes, please—
Sally: What errors are we talking about?
Me: I have a page here with the items from the last couple weeks. (hand her the write up)
Sally: (reads the pages for a minute) Ok…
Me: So, whatever you need to do to—
Sally: (talking quickly ‘cause she’s pissed now) I’m gonna need more time & focus strictly on Funding. I don’t wanna touch mail, I don’t wanna touch anything else. I wanna focus strictly on that. ‘Cause I’m getting 80 plus a day (which was a lie, we never get nearly that much), & now, I’m gonna start getting in trouble if it’s not 110%. I am human. I will make mistakes. So, if that’s not allowed, then…(shrugs) let me know, I guess. I’ll talk to Greg & I guess figure something out. I am human, & I am gonna make mistakes, A. B, I feel like crap. He (Greg) has been in here sick the last week. I caught whatever he has. I’ve been hacking. I’ve been sicker than sh** the last week. I am trying. You guys usually have until the 12th to close the month. Since I’ve worked here, I’ve closed before the 8th. Yeah, I made mistakes. I told you I made a mistake on the Miller office. I knew what happened. So, to throw it in my face again that I already made that mistake is kinda rude, but…(shrugs) I’m actually kinda shocked to see that on there.
Me: Well, you did catch the errors involving the Checkbook, but there were other mistakes on that office that you didn’t catch, & that’s the reason that was listed on there.
Sally goes back to her work, & I decide to not ask her to sign the write up I had given her right away since she was diving right into the Funding. She had expressed she wanted to focus solely on it to minimize mistakes. I wanted to use positive reinforcement to convey that this was good behavior & good thinking, so I decided to wait for her to finish before asking her to sign & return the write up.
Now, here’s the issues with her little outburst above.

1. Sally is complaining that she’s human & makes mistakes & we’re not allowing mistakes. We’re not saying that she can’t make mistakes, ‘cause she’s right. Everyone makes mistakes; I make mistakes. What we’re saying is that she’s making mistakes much too often.
   
2. Sally says the reason for these mistakes the last 2 weeks is ‘cause she’s been sick the last week or so ‘cause she caught what Greg had (do you see the timing problem there?). Also, these kinds of mistakes have been happening for months & months. I only brought these examples up ‘cause they were recent.
   
3. Sally pointed out the fact that she closes each month really quick. We don’t care how fast things get done. Our goal isn’t to get things done quickly but to get things done accurately. If we happen to get it done quickly, that’s just a bonus. We would rather things go slow than to have errors causing problems or costing us money ‘cause we didn’t take the time to make sure it was correct.
   
4. Sally states it’s rude that I’m throwing her error back in her face (you already know my reaction to that). She obviously doesn’t know how a job works. Just ‘cause we discussed this error already doesn’t mean it can’t go on the write up. This is just one of the examples that required us to do a write up. We’re not doing this ‘cause we want to write you up or that we’re looking for excuses to get you in trouble. We’re doing our job. If a situation needs correcting, we have to correct it. We can’t just ignore it. & obviously, me talking about your errors all these months hasn’t helped. You’re still making the same mistakes. So, now, we’ve had to escalate to a write up on paper.
   

Sally doesn’t say another word. She, as expected, starts doing her tossing-things-‘cause-I’m-pissed-off thing. I just go back to my work. I’ve said my piece, now we can put it behind us & move on.
Now, we have until 10:30 to make the transfers for this Funding program in order to get the money back to the account the same day. We are still missing the paperwork for 2 customers from an office. (FYI, when we’re missing paperwork, we call the office & ask them to fax it. If we still don’t get it when it gets close to the transfer deadline, we call again & just ask for the amount to get it done.) So, at 10:20, Sally turns to me.
Sally: What do I do for these 2 customers? Do I just skip them?
Me: (frowning) Do what you usually do when you don’t have the paperwork in time. Call the office—
Sally: (in a sharp tone) I did. (she’s assuming I mean call the office to tell them to fax it)
Me: (ignoring her attitude outburst) Call up the office & ask for the dollar amounts.
Sally: But I don’t want to write down the amount without seeing the actual paperwork. If I’m gonna get in trouble for errors now, I don’t want to take down what could be the wrong dollar amount over the phone. I mean, I think that’s only fair to me.
Me: In the instances that were mentioned, they weren’t cases of taking down an amount over the phone. They were instances where we had paperwork or a report to see the amount. We would never write you up if there was a possibility that the office gave you the wrong amount over the phone.
Sally stares at me for a second & turns back to her desk. I turn back to my own work as Sally then calls up the office. I had to deal with her attitude the rest of the day: throwing mail into the mailbox, throwing open the letter folding machine so it made a big bang on the table. I was trying to still be the usual friendly, professional person I am at work; I told her “See you tomorrow” & everything. Sally wouldn’t talk to me unless she had to.
This is when I discovered that Sally has a habit of lashing out at me when she gets in trouble. The first write up involved her trying to drag me under the bus by claiming I’m hostile. This time, it was more personal. See, we do a Christmas gift exchange at the office; we each buy each other a gift. I had searched over & over trying to find something Sally would like. I finally found this desk calendar with gnomes on it (she likes both of these things), so I got it & a couple small items. I open my gift from Sally, & among a few cheap little things, I found…Sally’s own nearly empty bottle of nail polish remover. Wow, this is the thanks I get for not firing you back in Sept with the whole timesheet forgery thing?
& this is where I leave you until Part 2, the conclusion.

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

I never thought I would have a story to share in one of these threads, but it finally happened. I apologize for the length (so long it has to be split into 2 parts), but this one is a doozy.
For the sake of telling the story a little smoother, I'm going to explain some things up front. I (female, early 30s; let's call me Molly) am the manager in the accounting office of a very small loan company. Like, really small. We have less than 30 offices with only 2 employees at each office. For this reason, we are kind of low-tech, old-fashioned. I'm talking paper timesheets that get faxed to our office (we're also the corporate office that handles the payroll). Our office hours are 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. with a half-hour lunch. Me & my employee (who we'll call Sally) work this shift. Our boss (who we'll call Greg) is the owner & CEO. He works in the office starting at 9:00 a.m. till whenever he leaves for the day. Most of the time, that's around the time we leave, sometimes it's earlier due to errands he needs to run.
So, in Oct 2022, Sally (female, early 30s) gave us a note that her doctor wants to have daily appointments with her indefinitely. She let us know she would need to leave at 3:30 every day. Greg granted that request & even gave her the opportunity to come in early so she didn't miss any of her 8 hours each day. So, she began coming to work between 6:45 & 7:00 & would take however long of a lunch she needed to so she would have an 8-hour day.
Due to a combination of our fiscal year-end work in Oct & Nov 2022, playing catch-up from Dec 2022 to Feb 2023, & the other coworker (who we'll call Irene) leaving the company in Feb 2023 so we had to play catch-up again for several months before we got used to the bigger workload, I hadn't been able to pay too close attention to Sally's work. But in the middle of Aug 2023, I began to suspect her. I realized that the tasks Sally had in the morning would usually take me an hour & a half to do, which meant I would be relatively finished by the time I would arrive at 8:30. Sally, on the other hand, would only have stuff halfway done. Now, I knew Sally worked slower than me since I knew the job better than she did, but this still seemed very slow. I began to suspect Sally was either not arriving as early as she said she was (she was the only one in the office before 8:30) or she was arriving on time but wasn't working.
On Aug 21 (Monday), I decided to come in early to the office since I had to make up time due to a doctor appointment later in the week. So, I arrived at work at 6:40. 6:45 rolled around...no Sally. 6:50...no Sally. 7:00...same thing. Sally arrived at 7:20. Now, ok, maybe she ran into traffic. However, that's a bit of a coincidence that the one day I show up early unannounced is also the day she happens to be late. But I waited to see what time Sally would write down on the timesheet. However, she didn't write down her time until Tuesday right before she left. She had written down that she had arrived at 7:05. I asked her about it, and her response was "I must have copied it down wrong from my spreadsheet." That's strange, 'cause you hadn't arrived at 7:05 any other day that week. Just where did you copy it down from?
Now, I am curious as to what time Sally puts down when she believes no one has seen what time she arrives. So, for Sept 4-15, I would arrive in the parking lot across the street & read a book & eat breakfast while I wait to see what time Sally would arrive. Every single day, she would arrive around 7:15 or 7:20, but would write down 6:45 or 6:50, a half hour discrepancy every single day. & we have no way of knowing how long she's been stealing a half hour every day. She could have been doing this for the past year since her schedule changed.
On Sept 18, I write down Sally's actual times from these 2 weeks on a paper & tell her to correct all the times I indicated. Sally says that she will use the office clock to write down her times from now on. Wait a minute, you're saying that your phone is a half hour earlier than the rest of the world? But only when you arrive at work. When you go to lunch & leave work, it matches the rest of the clocks. & then switches during the night so your arrival time can be wrong again the next day? Wow, that's a pretty glitchy phone you got there.
On Sept 20 after Sally left, I installed a camera that connects to an app in my phone. I put the camera in a place where it wouldn't be able to see any computers/paperwork & turned off the microphone (I didn't want to risk any company info being seen/heard). I only needed to see when Sally arrived. Where I ended up placing it, I was able to see Sally where she sat at her desk.
On three of the following days, Sally would arrive 10 to 15 minutes after the time she would write down. I speak with Greg about this, & we decide to write her up. By the way, usually when an employee is caught forging the timesheet like this, it's an immediate termination. At any other office, she would have gotten fired in the beginning of Sept after I first discovered the half hour forgery. I am deciding to give her a chance to make this whole thing right.
On Sept 26 (Tuesday), I give Sally the write up when she arrives.
Sally: I'll sign it, but I don't know why. I mean, I get here at 7:00. (Ok, there's a sign right there. Who signs an official write up when their employer is lying or setting them up?)
Me: I've observed you arriving between 7:10 & 7:15.
Sally reads the write up & then keeps it at her desk for a bit after signing it. After plenty of time, I ask for it back. She grabs it, so I lean forward & hold my hand out (our desks are right next to each other), but Sally flings it at my desk. The whole thing is made better by the fact that Greg is out of town Tuesday thru Thursday. So, Sally proceeds to be angry & have an attitude all the way through Thursday. She refuses to talk or answer the phones. She does that tossing/flicking-papers-around, aggressive-typing, heavily-setting-things-down thing people do when they're frustrated or angry (which she did all...day...long). She sped out of the parking lot & down the street so fast that I could hear her engine rev & tires squeal from inside the building.
On Sept 27 (Wednesday), Sally is still doing that slamming things thing. I enjoy not responding to her whatsoever. I could see out of the corner of my eye that she would slam something down & look at me. I wouldn't give any kind of reaction, wouldn't look at her, & it would piss her off. Sally would then start slamming things around again. I admit, that was fun.
On Sept 28 (Thursday), I see on the camera that Sally arrives at 7:00, but then I watch her sit on her phone for 45 minutes! She is still having attitude issues, &—unbelievably—is still slamming things. After she leaves for the day, I then see the calendar that Sally keeps on her desk as I was passing by. On the box for Sept 26 (the day she was written up), she had written the words "F***ING JOKE!". The audacity of her to write that in plain view of everyone in the office & think she wouldn't get in trouble for it.
On Sept 29 (Friday), Sally arrives at 7:00 but sits on her phone for 30 minutes WHILE VAPING! (Not sure about other cities or states, but it's illegal to smoke or vape inside a building in the city where our office is.) But Greg is back this day, & I had been texting him what's been going on. He had texted back he wanted to do a meeting on Friday. So, the 3 of us go into the breakroom for a meeting.
Greg: So, Sally, what's been going on with this timesheet thing?
Sally: I just, I forget to write down the time when I arrive.
Greg: Ok, well, whether it's done on purpose or through negligence, we can't have wrong times on the timesheet. So, from now on, you won't be able to come to work before Molly gets here at 8:30. Now, are there any other problems you'd like to discuss with us?
Sally: (begins getting worked up) I just, I feel like I can't talk to her. She creates such a hostile work environment.
Now, I am blown away. Me? Hostile? I'm autistic, so I'm naturally shy & hate socializing, so I usually don't talk to anyone very much. Everyone I tell this story to, their eyes widen when I mention this, 'cause there's no way anyone would ever describe me as hostile.
Luckily, Greg interrupts her to defend me: This isn't a hostile work environment.
Sally: (backpedaling) Well, I mean, she gets mad at her printer & bangs on it, & that just flashes me back to stuff. I mean, I'm trying to work on myself & the anxiety, & she just sends me back.
Oh, so now, we're claiming we have PTSD & that my "violent" actions are giving her flashbacks? Um, who is it laughing right along with me every time my printer jams? (By the way, I know she's lying about the PTSD, 'cause I have a couple friends with PTSD & recognize the signs. Sally doesn't show any sign of fear or panic or shrinking away from things, nothing like that. There are no signs whatsoever of her being alarmed by anything I do.) Oh, not to mention the double standards. You're allowed to slam things around (for 3 straight days, by the way), but I'm not?
Anyway, we wrap up the meeting after Greg underlines (for Sally's benefit) that everyone in the office needs to get along.
On Oct 2 (the next Monday), I had a good drive & happened to get there at 8:20. Sally arrives at 8:25 & comes in, stopping at my desk.
Sally: (annoyed) Are you gonna be early all week?
Me: (frowning & caught off-guard) Um, I don't know. It just depends how long my drive takes.
Sally: (with a snarky attitude) 'Cause I had to keep driving around waiting for you, so if you're gonna be early, I'd like to know.
Ok, first of all, no one is forcing you to drive around. You can park your car in the parking lot. Do you really think we're gonna fire you for sitting in the parking lot while you wait for me? We only said you couldn't come in & work before I do. & second, it's none of your business when I get to work. My shift starts at 8:30, therefore, you should aim for 8:30, just like Greg told you to do. How am I supposed to predict the exact minute I get to work? & you're gonna get angry at me 'cause I didn't show up before my shift starts? Since when is it a requirement of mine to come into work before I start working?
Well, a bit of malicious compliance in this entitled story: if I can see I'm going to arrive at work more than 5 minutes early, I stop at the store just down the road & shop until 8:30. 'Cause guess what? Sally gets there who knows how early & sits in the gas station across the street, waiting for me. Fine, you wanna be that way? I can be petty, too.
By the way, Sally has a radio talk show she listens to from before I get to work until it ends at 10:00. I'm not into talk shows, but it wasn't too annoying (most of the time), so I didn't say anything about it. The reason why I started having a problem listening to it was that they would get into inappropriate things (s** toy review, for example). It made me super uncomfortable when they did segments like this. From the moment Sally was written up, she started only listening to the show on her headphones, thinking she was punishing me by me not getting to hear the show. Joke's on her. Sally did me a favor by not having to listen to that thing.
Sally was also told that she is no longer allowed to take smoke breaks on the clock. As no one else in the office takes breaks but chooses to work through them, this change would be made so all employees were equal now. But here’s the interesting thing: Sally suddenly stopped taking smoke breaks at all, but her bathroom breaks grew more numerous & longer. When she had been taking smoke breaks, the alarm on her phone would go off at specific times, such as 2:00. She would then go outside to take her smoke break. After the on-the-clock-smoke-break privilege was taken away, the same alarms would go off, such as 2:00. She would then disappear to the bathroom for 15 minutes. & I even smelled smoke in there when I went in there right after one of these long bathroom breaks.
Ever since the write up, there’s been attitude every once in a while. Most of the time, I have no idea what it is I did that could possibly have set her off that day. All I know is that Sally’s suddenly slamming things around again (hmm, PTSD cured now, is it?). & she’s still constantly making mistakes (like she’s always done).
On Nov 27, Sally is working on the Funding (loan proceeds funded onto a customer’s debit card). What we do is get the list of customers, determine how much the office funded that customer, transfer the money from the office’s bank account to the holding account, & then transfer the total from the holding account to the account that directly funds the debit cards to replenish the money. We had two customers with similar names (say, John Smith & Jack Smith). Sally hadn’t paid attention to the whole name & had applied John’s $0 funding to Jack. However, Jack had been funded $250. So, that money was missed, & I had to make a separate transfer for it.
On Dec 4, Sally is working on the Funding & writes down $0 for a customer. But the report from the office says he actually got $96.
On Dec 8 & 9, we discovered 2 checks that were supposed to be sent to our office (one from Oct, one from Sept). Neither had been cashed, & neither had ever reached us, even though we had the rest of the paperwork that would have come with those checks. Due to the dots I had connected, I had a pretty strong hunch that Sally wasn’t thoroughly checking the mail envelopes to make sure they’d been completely emptied before they got thrown away. I believed these checks were still in some envelopes that were then thrown away by Sally.
On Dec 11, on the bank reconciliation sheets we work at the end of the month (like balancing a checkbook), one of Sally’s offices was out of balance by $68, & she couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find it, either. I pulled out the one done for the month before. I couldn’t find it there, either. But I did notice one thing. The checks that hadn’t cleared the bank yet didn’t add up to the total amount of outstanding checks Sally had written down. By $68. I go back to the month before that one. There were a total of $68 in old checks that never got cashed & therefore should have gotten written off on the fiscal year-end at the end of Oct. But she hadn’t transferred them to the new month’s sheet. So, now, we have to hold onto them for a whole year to write off next Oct.
The same day, I went through all the offices to double check the GL codes that we post the expense checks to (GL codes determine where an expense gets coded, e.g., post an electricity payment to the GL code for utilities). The day previously, Sally had gotten several GL codes incorrect in the Miller office. She had forgotten to change the codes from the one for the Checkbook to the ones for the expense account. She had caught those ones since it affected the balance of the Checkbook, so I had helped her fix those properly. However, there were expense checks sent to a GL code that wasn’t the right one that Sally hadn’t caught.
I talk with Greg, as I feel that every time I turn around, I am either retraining Sally on stuff I’ve trained her on multiple times, I’m correcting mistakes on stuff Sally should know how to do by now (‘cause again, I’ve trained her multiple times), or I’m disciplining Sally about stuff she’s doing wrong. Greg asks how many mistakes due to carelessness she’s made in the last 2 weeks. I check my notes & tell him 4. He says that’s too excessive for an accounting office. We need to write her up.
So, I made the write up, but I just know I’m going to be dealing with the same attitude as the last time I had to write her up. & guess what? Greg’s out of town till Thursday again. I used my phone this time to record the audio of the interaction. That way, if Sally has attitude towards me again, I’m able to play the recording to Greg so he can hear what Sally’s like when he’s not here (which is why the following conversation is pretty much word for word).
On Dec 12 (Tuesday), I sat her down first thing.
Me: So, in the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed some errors happening due to carelessness, & they’ve become a bit excessive for an accounting office. The most important thing in an accounting office is accuracy. That’s why we focus so much on thoroughness & attention to detail. So, whatever needs to happen to lessen those errors, whether it’s slowing the pace of the work itself or double & triple-checking the work before it’s finished, it needs to happen. For example, when I work the payroll, after I get the total for all the offices, I then subtract each person’s individual hours to double check my entries. That way, if there is an error, at least I know it wasn’t ‘cause I was going too fast or not paying attention or something. So, whatever you need to do to decrease the mistakes, please—
Sally: What errors are we talking about?
Me: I have a page here with the items from the last couple weeks. (hand her the write up)
Sally: (reads the pages for a minute) Ok…
Me: So, whatever you need to do to—
Sally: (talking quickly ‘cause she’s pissed now) I’m gonna need more time & focus strictly on Funding. I don’t wanna touch mail, I don’t wanna touch anything else. I wanna focus strictly on that. ‘Cause I’m getting 80 plus a day (which was a lie, we never get nearly that much), & now, I’m gonna start getting in trouble if it’s not 110%. I am human. I will make mistakes. So, if that’s not allowed, then…(shrugs) let me know, I guess. I’ll talk to Greg & I guess figure something out. I am human, & I am gonna make mistakes, A. B, I feel like crap. He (Greg) has been in here sick the last week. I caught whatever he has. I’ve been hacking. I’ve been sicker than sh** the last week. I am trying. You guys usually have until the 12th to close the month. Since I’ve worked here, I’ve closed before the 8th. Yeah, I made mistakes. I told you I made a mistake on the Miller office. I knew what happened. So, to throw it in my face again that I already made that mistake is kinda rude, but…(shrugs) I’m actually kinda shocked to see that on there.
Me: Well, you did catch the errors involving the Checkbook, but there were other mistakes on that office that you didn’t catch, & that’s the reason that was listed on there.
Sally goes back to her work, & I decide to not ask her to sign the write up I had given her right away since she was diving right into the Funding. She had expressed she wanted to focus solely on it to minimize mistakes. I wanted to use positive reinforcement to convey that this was good behavior & good thinking, so I decided to wait for her to finish before asking her to sign & return the write up.
Now, here’s the issues with her little outburst above.

1. Sally is complaining that she’s human & makes mistakes & we’re not allowing mistakes. We’re not saying that she can’t make mistakes, ‘cause she’s right. Everyone makes mistakes; I make mistakes. What we’re saying is that she’s making mistakes much too often.
   
2. Sally says the reason for these mistakes the last 2 weeks is ‘cause she’s been sick the last week or so ‘cause she caught what Greg had (do you see the timing problem there?). Also, these kinds of mistakes have been happening for months & months. I only brought these examples up ‘cause they were recent.
   
3. Sally pointed out the fact that she closes each month really quick. We don’t care how fast things get done. Our goal isn’t to get things done quickly but to get things done accurately. If we happen to get it done quickly, that’s just a bonus. We would rather things go slow than to have errors causing problems or costing us money ‘cause we didn’t take the time to make sure it was correct.
   
4. Sally states it’s rude that I’m throwing her error back in her face (you already know my reaction to that). She obviously doesn’t know how a job works. Just ‘cause we discussed this error already doesn’t mean it can’t go on the write up. This is just one of the examples that required us to do a write up. We’re not doing this ‘cause we want to write you up or that we’re looking for excuses to get you in trouble. We’re doing our job. If a situation needs correcting, we have to correct it. We can’t just ignore it. & obviously, me talking about your errors all these months hasn’t helped. You’re still making the same mistakes. So, now, we’ve had to escalate to a write up on paper.
   

Sally doesn’t say another word. She, as expected, starts doing her tossing-things-‘cause-I’m-pissed-off thing. I just go back to my work. I’ve said my piece, now we can put it behind us & move on.
Now, we have until 10:30 to make the transfers for this Funding program in order to get the money back to the account the same day. We are still missing the paperwork for 2 customers from an office. (FYI, when we’re missing paperwork, we call the office & ask them to fax it. If we still don’t get it when it gets close to the transfer deadline, we call again & just ask for the amount to get it done.) So, at 10:20, Sally turns to me.
Sally: What do I do for these 2 customers? Do I just skip them?
Me: (frowning) Do what you usually do when you don’t have the paperwork in time. Call the office—
Sally: (in a sharp tone) I did. (she’s assuming I mean call the office to tell them to fax it)
Me: (ignoring her attitude outburst) Call up the office & ask for the dollar amounts.
Sally: But I don’t want to write down the amount without seeing the actual paperwork. If I’m gonna get in trouble for errors now, I don’t want to take down what could be the wrong dollar amount over the phone. I mean, I think that’s only fair to me.
Me: In the instances that were mentioned, they weren’t cases of taking down an amount over the phone. They were instances where we had paperwork or a report to see the amount. We would never write you up if there was a possibility that the office gave you the wrong amount over the phone.
Sally stares at me for a second & turns back to her desk. I turn back to my own work as Sally then calls up the office. I had to deal with her attitude the rest of the day: throwing mail into the mailbox, throwing open the letter folding machine so it made a big bang on the table. I was trying to still be the usual friendly, professional person I am at work; I told her “See you tomorrow” & everything. Sally wouldn’t talk to me unless she had to.
This is when I discovered that Sally has a habit of lashing out at me when she gets in trouble. The first write up involved her trying to drag me under the bus by claiming I’m hostile. This time, it was more personal. See, we do a Christmas gift exchange at the office; we each buy each other a gift. I had searched over & over trying to find something Sally would like. I finally found this desk calendar with gnomes on it (she likes both of these things), so I got it & a couple small items. I open my gift from Sally, & among a few cheap little things, I found…Sally’s own nearly empty bottle of nail polish remover. Wow, this is the thanks I get for not firing you back in Sept with the whole timesheet forgery thing?
& this is where I leave you until Part 2, the conclusion.