I did some body recomposition and lost 20 lbs. I’m 5’5 and went from a US dress size 12 to size 8. I would still like to slim down further to a size 6 or 4. I am curvier on the bottom. So, my measurements are 34-28-40. Already, I am noticing a difference in how men perceive me and I find it very annoying. I’ve noticed more men hitting on me. Not only that but when they do, they often are nervous doing so. Guys were interested in me before but not in the same way and the ones who approached were rarely nervous. So, I’m like the old me wasn’t good looking enough to make anyone nervous. But now I am? I also don’t understand because I’ve always been very outgoing. Even when I was talking to someone very attractive, it wouldn’t make me nervous. From a logical and objective standpoint, I get it. Many more men are attracted to thinner women. Still, I am bothered by it. Even when I was heavier, my face was still slim. I did not have a double chin or anything. So my face is pretty much the same. Who I am on the inside has not changed. And while I like my body better now, I wasn’t obese. I wasn’t plus size. I was just higher side of average. I’m like 20 lbs was making men see me as less of a person before? Why should they get to experience this new version of me? Like maybe they don’t deserve me now. Women always complimented me. A lot of my women friends say little to nothing about my weight loss. And when I ask them about it, they’re literally like you looked good before and look good now. My weight is literally the least interesting thing about me. And I hope any partner would feel that way too. That there is so much more to me than just how my body looks. I get that a stranger can’t perceive that. Basically now when some guy hits on me, I sometimes think would you have been interested in me 20 lbs ago? Would you break up with me for gaining 20 lbs? Again, I know it’s not a rational way of thinking about things but sometimes I can’t help but feel this way.
I know this type of thing is talked about a lot. But most of what I saw/read were people discussing this change after very significant weight loss (like 50+). That’s why I wasn’t expecting a big change in how people were treating me before. For anyone else who has experienced this, how did you learn to stop letting it bother you?

Hey everyone,
I've Bipolar 2 and take meds for this and have been working out for at least 45 minutes every day for the last few months, eating clean from one month, and following intermittent fasting, but I'm not seeing any weight loss. It's really frustrating because I'm putting in so much effort and sticking to my routine. Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated! 🙏
Here's a bit more context:

• Workout: Balance of both cardio and strength training
• Diet: No junk food, lots of veggies, protein, and whole grains, vegetarian diet (I eat eggs)
• Intermittent Fasting: 16:8 schedule

I feel like I'm doing everything right, but the scale isn't budging. Am I missing something? It is so hard to keep motivating yourself when you're not seeing any results. Thanks in advance for your help!

So both programs have given me a different number Lose it = 1851 MyFitnessPal = 1700
Which number as a 41 year old, 82kg, 166cm tall guy should I use.
I have high cholesterol so I am trying to get the number down, I cycle to work 20km each way two times a week and have started Body weight fitness 3 times a week.
Would 1700 be to low?

I know for years people have argued that "the internet is not reality" but now more than ever, there is a push to blur these lines to an insane degree and if you don't understand what goes on behind the scenes, you may not know what you're watching is fake. For those of us who did not grow up on an internet full of influencers, blatant and non-blatant advertisements, etc. it's very obvious when what's being portrayed isn't reality but even so, sometimes the information in front of us seems so believable that almost anyone can/will fall for it. I really worry about young GenZ/Gen Alpha who's internet experience is ONLY this current internet without adult experiences/understanding to sort through the bullshit.
Since these topics are quickly brushed off as only "terminally online" worries, I'll give examples I've seen so far. I will preface this by saying I acknowledge some of the comments I'll reference could be AI/bots/paid for comments but some of these sentiments I've seen here on Reddit/Instagram/Twitter that I can't only attribute it to purposeful misinformation.
Example 1: The realities of weight loss. Years ago, it used to not be uncommon for "health coaches"/"influencers"/etc to pop up on IG showing themselves losing a lot of weight. At this time, they'd claim they didn't change their diet and they barely exercise. But they still claim to have lost 100+lbs in a year or less in less time. Looking back, they used the lack of popularity in weight loss surgeries to their advantage. They could ask you to DM them and rope you into whatever they had because everyone didn't know about weight loss surgery like they do now. The reality is that they likely lost that weight over 1.5-2 years, scrubbed their IG and rebranded. Even without changing their diet (which I don't think really is true), they'd lose weight because they physically can't eat. Joe Smoe will not lose weight eating whatever with no thought and no exercise. Now, these people either promote weight loss surgery as the only way to lose weight or they try to deny it until it's called out and they do damage control. And of course, the people who lie and use other people's photos.
Regardless, I've noticed comments on people documenting their day one to weight loss being inundated with "If you ate like that, you wouldn't still be fat", "It's no way you go to the gym and still look like that". These accounts are usually younger kids who don't understand fitness and nutrition and calories in vs calories out. But I see adults doing it too. We've made weight loss look so fast that the people who are documenting their true journey/struggles are met with skepticism vs those that show a polished image.
Next example: I've started seeing these "Saving $xx,xxx by age x" reels. The few I see are realistic. It's usually someone working a full time job then a part time job with long hours. They line up how they're going to do it in the caption. But also, I saw one by this woman claiming she's going to save $100k by 23. She claims to have graduated college at 21 and travelled through college and still does. She let it slip that she isn't paying for a single living expense. But someone watching this likely isn't going through the comments. Young impressionable kids will not understand taxes, the average American income, etc. They'll think getting 2 jobs can have them save $100k in a very short amount of time and when they get hit with reality and their mental health worsens.
This is rambly at this point but my main point is that it seems the media on the internet is trying to blur the line of reality and fantasy by bombarding impressionable people with media that is highly tailored to look and seem like something anyone could do if you just try.

Hey everyone,
I've been working out for at least 45 minutes every day for the last few months, eating clean from one month, and following intermittent fasting, but I'm not seeing any weight loss. It's really frustrating because I'm putting in so much effort and sticking to my routine. Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated! 🙏
Here's a bit more context:

• Workout: Balance of both cardio and strength training
• Diet: No junk food, lots of veggies, protein, and whole grains, vegetarian diet (I eat eggs)
• Intermittent Fasting: 16:8 schedule

I feel like I'm doing everything right, but the scale isn't budging. Am I missing something? It is so hard to keep motivating yourself when you're not seeing any results. Thanks in advance for your help!

Stanford is my number one choice and I’d love to REA and get this whole process done with in the winter, but I do have some concerns. My college counselors have looked at my extracurriculars, essays (that I’ve completed so far), and intended major (biology and/or environmental sciences which is way less competitive than other majors ppl at my school go for lol) and they say that they’re some of the best compared to many of the other students they’ve seen but my grades are my biggest problem. In my sophomore year I was hospitalized (like I was supposed to be dead 💀 according to my doctors) for a couple weeks after going undiagnosed for months with a rare bleeding disorder (I still have it but I’ve learned how to manage it better) and my rigor and grades dropped because of that (my GPA surprisingly didn’t go super low, 3.82, maybe because I was in almost all non-weighted classes lol) but my junior year I have taken almost all honors and AP classes and my GPA is now a 4.0 weighted (cumulative and my school doesn’t do unweighted GPA) but that’s still really low compared to others at my school. FYI my school is a feeder school for every T20 and like the average GPA of top students is like 4.5-4.7 W 💀and I have a few B+’s but mostly A-‘s/A’s. Should I try for REA anyways or should I just wait for regular decision? 👽

My doc diagnosed me rigjt away with ibs without any test. Went to another speclist , he also said i was ibs and gave me ibs related medications. I had no pain , just bloating and mushy stools once in a day . I got worse at one time , i had loss of appetide, weight loss of 6 kgs, acid reflux, fatigue.I search on google and though it is gastritis or ibd... So asked specialist to do test... He asked for cbc , lfts and ultrasound . All normal... Butt i really wanted it to be something acute...my symptoms weren't getting better.... Doc asked for tsh bcz i had palpitations too... These were normal too.At last he said for stool for calprotectin to rule out ibd and it was also normal... I don't have many ibs symptoms... just two maybe.. Nor ibs related medication worked on me...Arre all these blood and stool test sufficiant to diagnose anyone with ibs.

Hi all,
I’ve battled with my weight all my life. The last 2-3 years I stacked on 30kg/66 lb. Partially due to perimenopause and partially IR.
For the last 3months I’ve been on saxenda and it’s going ok. I’ve lost 10kg in that time but it’s slowing right down and I’m now just losing roughly about 1/2kg or 1lb a week. My doc and dietitian are happy with this, but I’m on the highest dose and I’m terrified that it will stop working for me. I still have about 20kg to lose.
Both my doc and dietitian have raised weight loss / bariatric surgery as an option. My mum has type 2 diabetes, cancer and early onset dementia, my dad has heart issues and both are morbidly obese. I’m determined to not suffer the same fate.
So now I’m really thinking about a plan. I have the option of sticking with saxenda, switching to mounjaro or having WLS - a gastric sleeve or bypass. My doc is supportive of whatever I want to do.
So my IR friends, anyone been in this situation? What did you do? Is one better than the others for IR and weight loss in particular?
Would love to hear your thoughts! ❤️

just wanted to come on here and share how exciting it is to see those numbers drop. i just started my second box of 2.5mg td n although it has been slow and steady for me (lost around 6lbs) it honestly is so comforting. been eating right, going to gym, and i for once feel so hopeful for the future. not to mention i have pcos as well and being able to see some weight loss is just so amazing!! can’t wait for the future 👏

I am confused rn. My skin is like a old man. Arms, chest, tummy everything feels like it's loose. I am not sure if it is a fat or losse skin. What is this and what should I do to get in shape ? People tell that I am not fat but skin is not proper. I lost my weight before 2 years maybe that caused this ?
https://imgur.com/gallery/SZPkjJZ

I am confused rn. My skin is like a old man. Arms, chest, tummy everything feels like it's loose. I am not sure if it is a fat or losse skin. What is this and what should I do to get in shape ? People tell that I am not fat but skin is not proper. I lost my weight before 2 years maybe that caused this ?
https://imgur.com/gallery/SZPkjJZ

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12 year old female with chronic sinusitis comes for fever and productive cough for 4 days. Had pneumococcal pneumonia 5 months ago that was treated with ceftriaxone and oral amoxicillin. 50th percentile for height and weight. Temperature is 102.2, pulse is 105, and RR is 30. Decreased breath sounds on lower right.
Lab values :
leukocyte count : 21000 (segmented neutrophils : 70%, Bands : 15%, lymphocytes : 15%)
Platelet count : 140,000
CD3+ T cells : 1500 (N=820~1900)
CD4+ T cells : 1000 (N>500)
CD8+ T cells : 400 (N=250~650)
Antibodies
IgA : 20
IgG : 150
IgM : 30
A)CVID
B)Kawasaki
C) SCID
D) Lupus
E) Transient agammaglobulinemia of infancy
F) X linked agammaglobulinemia
How can we tell just based on lab values that the answer is A and not F? I get that F occurs when you are several months old and not 12 years old but I was thrown off by lab values

Hi, my intention is to prepare myself for the upcoming academic year on September.
I want to have the ability to write my own PyTorch's Module, Loss, and Optimizer. I intend to start easy with Module (Linear), Loss (Least Squares) and Optimizer (Gradient Descent).
My goal is to implement: 1. LeastSquares loss which subclass the torch.nn.modules.loss._Loss class. 2. GradientDescent optimizer which subclass the torch.optim.optimizer.Optimizer class. 2. Cubic Polynomial module which subclass the torch.nn.Module class.
What I've tried: 1. Read Learning PyTorch with Examples
The Learning PyTorch with Examples teach how to define autograd functions. This became a dedicated StackOverflow question
The rest of the examples teach how to use existing Loss function (such as torch.nn.MSELoss), Optimizer (such as torch.optim.SGD) and Module (such as torch.nn.Linear).
After spending a day. I am confused on how torch.nn.modules.loss._Loss, torch.optim.optimizer.Optimizer, and torch.nn.Module works. Is there a tutorial how to create your own PyTorch Loss, Optimizer, and Module?
The code below is trying to mimic PyTorch. But, I don't know how optimizer.zero_grad(), loss.backward(), and optimizer.step() can update the model.parameters(). So, I put everything in 1 class.
I am open to learn the design pattern and so on. Please point me to the right direction.
``` import numpy as np import math import matplotlib.pyplot as plt
class Module: pass
class CubicPolynomial(Module): a: np.float64 b: np.float64 c: np.float64 d: np.float64
learning_rate: np.float64
def init(self, learning_rate=1e-6) -> None: self.a = np.random.randn() self.b = np.random.randn() self.c = np.random.randn() self.d = np.random.randn()

self.learning_rate = learning_rate 

def call(self, x: np.ndarray): return self.a + self.b * x + self.c * x ** 2 + self.d * x ** 3
def loss_ln(self, y_pred: np.ndarray, y: np.ndarray) -> np.float64: return ((y_pred - y) ** 2).sum()
def zero_grad(self) -> None: # Manually zero the gradients after updating weights self.grad_a = None self.grad_b = None self.grad_c = None self.grad_d = None
def backward(self, y_pred: np.ndarray) -> None: # Backprop to compute gradients of a, b, c, d with respect to loss grad_y_pred = 2.0 * (y_pred - y) # d/da (y_pred - y)² # 2 * (y_pred - y) self.grad_a = grad_y_pred.sum()

# d/db (a + (b * x) + (c * x²) + (d * x³) - y)² # 2 * (y_pred - y) * x self.grad_b = (grad_y_pred * x).sum() # d/dc (a + (b * x) + (c * x²) + (d * x³) - y)² # 2 * (y_pred - y) * x² self.grad_c = (grad_y_pred * x ** 2).sum() # d/dd (a + (b * x) + (c * x²) + (d * x³) - y)² # 2 * (y_pred - y) * x³ self.grad_d = (grad_y_pred * x ** 3).sum() 

def step(self) -> None: # Update weights using gradient descent self.a -= self.learning_rate * self.grad_a self.b -= self.learning_rate * self.grad_b self.c -= self.learning_rate * self.grad_c self.d -= self.learning_rate * self.grad_d
dtype = np.float64

Create random input and output data

x = np.linspace(-math.pi, math.pi, 2000, dtype=dtype) y = np.sin(x)
plt.plot(x, y, 'blue')
learning_rate = 1e-6 model = CubicPolynomial(learning_rate=learning_rate)
for t in range(2000): # Forward pass: compute predicted y y_pred = model(x)
# Compute and print loss loss = model.loss_ln(y_pred, y) if t % 100 == 99: print(t, loss)
# Before the backward pass, use the optimizer object to zero all of the # gradients for the variables it will update (which are the learnable # weights of the model). This is because by default, gradients are # accumulated in buffers( i.e, not overwritten) whenever .backward() # is called. Checkout docs of torch.autograd.backward for more details. model.zero_grad()
# Backward pass: compute gradient of the loss with respect to model # parameters model.backward(y_pred)
# Calling the step function on an Optimizer makes an update to its # parameters model.step()
print(f'Result: y = {model.a} + {model.b} x + {model.c} x<sup>2</sup> + {model.d} x<sup>3')</sup>
plt.plot(x, y_pred, 'orange')
%reset -f ```

Well, I kind of did myself in yesterday. I was doing relatively okay with pretty minimal side effects at 20 mg (split 10/10) Parnate but the sleepiness was starting to get to me a little bit after nine days at that dose.
I upped it to 30 mg (split 15/15) yesterday and felt like I was sleepwalking all day. The fatigue and dizziness were unbearable, so I dropped down to 10 mg (split 5/5) today and I feel much more normal. However, the depression is creeping back in fast and I’m not sure if Parnate is the right med for me.
I followed Gillman’s recommendation of boosting from 20 to 30 mg after 10 days had elapsed, but I don’t think I can deal with that kind of fatigue. It’s uncomfortable and you can’t even sleep it off. I would try Nardil but I don’t want to become impotent or gain a bunch of weight unnecessarily.
I currently take Wellbutrin as a stand-alone AD and I’m wondering if I should cross-taper to nortryptiline or commit to 450 mg Wellbutrin XL. I’m just worried that the Wellbutrin 450 will stop working after 6 months like 300 did. Then I’ll be in the same bag of shit with a bigger bupropion dependence to kick and no relief.
The only class of ADs I haven’t yet tried are tricyclics, and I’ve seen NT recommended as a bridge med/adjunct to Parnate. I’m wondering if it comes with the same sexual side effects as SSRIs due to increased serotonergic activity. I’m kind of at a loss unless I want to get ECT, but I’d like to try everything possible before I resort to that.

Is brisk walking for 1 hour straight at a pace of about 4 miles per hour the same as running for 30 minutes at a pace of 6 miles per hour (weight lost wise)? Ive calculated that online and thats the results I got but Im not sure if thats accurate. Basically im just trying to see how long and fast I gotta walk to lose as much weight as an optimal jogging session.
My only goal is to lose weight quickly, I dont really care about any other benefits.
If you think theres a better way to lose weight quickly or anything else I should add im really open to recommendations.
Im a 5”10 3/4, male, 21, 86.8 kg

Is brisk walking for 1 hour straight at a pace of about 4 miles per hour the same as running for 30 minutes at a pace of 6 miles per hour (weight lost wise)? Ive calculated that online and thats the results I got but Im not sure if thats accurate. Basically im just trying to see how long and fast I gotta walk to lose as much weight as an optimal jogging session.
My only goal is to lose weight quickly, I dont really care about any other benefits.
If you think theres a better way to lose weight quickly or anything else I should add im really open to recommendations.
Im a 5”10 3/4, male, 21, 86.8 kg

Husband fell out of love with me
I'm posting anonymously as this is very humiliating and just not something I'm ready to discuss with anyone I know as of yet. I'm sorry if this is really long but I need advise and to just get all of this off of my chest. Will most likely delete later.
I (26f) have known my husband (28m) since we were young children. We grew up together for a while and then separated for over a decade when our families moved. I moved to a different part of town while he and his family moved to another town and hour and a half away. We hadn't spoken or seen each other until he managed to find me on social media when I was 21. I had been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the time and was having a hard time finding my way out of that situation. When he messaged me I initially didn't even recognize him or his name. I was just going to leave him on read. But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go back and look at his page and that was when I recognized him. He helped me muster the courage I needed to break out of the turmultuious relationship I had been in and then drove an hour and a half just to see me. That meant a lot to me at the time. Shortly after we began our relationship and I quickly fell pregnant. We kept witnessing strange things that hardly felt like coincidences and had both come to the agreement that they we signs from the universe that we were on the correct path.
Fast forward to now. We have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 after next week. We have two very young children together and have weathered many hardships as a couple in this time. In the beginning all was well. My husband still tried. He put in effort where he could. He watched me battle post partum depression after a very traumatic birth experience with our first child. Almost two years later we fell pregnant with our second which I was very apprehensive about because of the troubles I had in my first pregnancy. Things started changing with him after I became pregnant again (which I forget to mention he was initially very happy and excited about) his demeanor toward me had subtly started to change.
He stopped being as loving and affectionate. He seemed annoyed or indifferent to when I was upset or struggling internally. If I was crying or having a hard time he would just walk straight by me not even batting an eye. Before I had our second I lost one of my sisters unexpectedly and still am having a hard time handling the grief. When my sister passed away my husband offered me no condolences or emotional support what so ever. I was forced to face my grief alone. I've tried communicating with him about the way I've been feeling but he is completely emotionally closed off. I began to notice that the man I had married was a very emotionally unavailable person and I had tried to suggest seeking help to work through his communication issues and emotional unavailability but he is heavily against seeing a professional. He refuses still to this day to work on himself as a person at all.
Since having our second child we moved back to the town his family is from. We live in a home, my husband found a new job that he has to get up very early for and works very long hours through the week. When I would bring up how neglected I felt by him he would chalk it up to just being "too tired" "too sore" "too stressed". He puts absolutely no effort into our marriage at all. It's not the example of marriage I want set for our children let alone the fact that it eats away at me, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, and leaves me feeling unwanted, unloved, and like I don't matter at all. It makes it hard for me to be the mother I want to be. I find myself always overstimulated, and I feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty cup.
I'm sure a lot of you will say "sounds like he's cheating" but I'm ashamed to admit that I have checked his phone, he never hides it from me. I found absolutely nothing on it and when he's not working he's always home with us. Just off on his own working on our house or only spending time with the kids or sleeping as he has to be up early. So if he is cheating he must be a professional at it cause he covers his tracks very well.
That brings me to recently. I've had this dull feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have found myself in a loveless marriage. I've been changing my appearance and dressing nicer. Doing my hair and make up more. And it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. Everyday I can feel depression quickly consuming me. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a place I've been working very hard to heal from and not fall back into. But now here I am. My husband's been slightly mean to me with some of the comments he's made about my appearance lately. making me feel completely unlovable and worthless. Everyday that passes without any kind of affection from him has built up in me and finally last night I was so upset. That knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss In my marriage I could no longer surpress. I've been having troubles sleeping. I can barely eat. My body dismorphia is coming back as well as eating disorders I used to have.
Last night I just couldnt sleep. I was so restless with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am and dreamt that I had confronted my husband about my gut feeling to which he admitted he didn't love me in the dream. I woke up feeling distraught because of it. My husband was already up, tending to the kids acting as though everything was fine when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I finally confronted him. I told him about the gut feeling I had and asked him if he still loved me. He said he did. I rephrased the question and asked if he was IN love with me. That's when he looked down and fell silent. My heart plummeted and I began shaking feeling as though my life was crumbling around me. I then asked him if he wasn't in love with me, then was he in love with someone else to which he replied no and seemed sincere about that. I asked him why he had fallen out of love with me and he said because he sometimes felt like I wasn't pulling enough weight with chores. (Which may I add I may not get everything done in a day while tending to young hyperactive kids but I do make sure everyday that he does come house to all the toys picked up and floors swept and vacuumed if anything. And I try to get as many dishes done as I can with kids pulling on my pant sleeves.) So I'm not sure if I believe that to be the true reason. I asked where he wanted to go from here. Did he want me to take the kids and leave and let him pick up where he had left off from before we ever got together or if he wanted me to stay and try to fix our relationship. He said he wished for me to stay and we work on our marriage. I suggested couples counseling and he immediately shot it down saying we could work it out ourselves to which I asked how and then he shrugged and said, verbatim, " I figured you'd just read a book". That was when I got angry. At that moment I knew he wants me to be the one to figure out how to get him to fall back love with me. which in turn means he will not be willing to put any work into actually fixing our marriage. Even after all of this he still won't hardly communicate, still not being affectionate, hell he still hasn't even apologized or shown any remorse for hurting me so deeply.
I'm now at a loss. I'm so hurt by this. I'm humiliated, I feel betrayed. I have so many doubts about him in this moment. I've let him know that I'm not just going to be able to get over this. I severely dissociated after his revelation of no long being in love with me. I'm so upset because I do love him still and have sacrificed everything for him. Absolutely everything. Almost my life included. I told him I'm having a hard time deciding whether I'm going to stay or go. Frankly I just want to disappear from this world.
Does anyone have any insight? What should I do?
TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time. I'm very hurt by his admission of no longer being in love with me and don't think I can move past this. What should I do?

Hi all - Fresh widow here. My husband (41 years old, I’m 36) of almost 10 years passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on April 3rd from a sudden cardiac arrest. He had an underlying genetic heart condition (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) that was diagnosed in 2020 but he decided to not seek further diagnosis on it to see what treatment was best. The first cardiologist he saw told him he wouldn’t die of the condition and would live a long life. I think this gave my husband a false hope and made him think it wasn’t that serious. He also was very strong willed and if he thought he was okay then he was okay in his mind (he even told family and friends it was just anxiety - I knew it wasn’t but even if I tried pushing him to check it out he would have become anxious or angry about it).
Other than his heart condition my husband was in great health - perfect weight, ate healthy foods and drank a lot of water, was active. His only vice was smoking cigarettes but he didn’t even do that too much. I think him dying at the time he did was due to dehydration (he was fasting for ramadan) and he took otc cold medicine (not great for those with heart conditions) because he thought he had a cold coming on. He has done both of these things over the years but never at the same time.
Anywho enough back story. I have been a wreck ever since he passed (no surprise). So many emotions. I’m so angry he didn’t take his health seriously and that ultimately sealed his fate. I’m sad and angry he left my daughter and I so young. Our daughter only just turned two and he wanted her so bad (I was the one who made us hold off on getting pregnant for years). She was supposed to have so many years with her daddy. It’s the thing that makes me cry the most. Thinking of the loss of that relationship is so crushing. Our daughter was born in 2022 a couple years after his heart condition diagnosis- I don’t know why he didn’t think to go back to the cardiologist at that time to see if he was okay to do nothing or needed to seek some form of treatment. He also didn’t leave us in a very good financial situation but luckily my parents are able to help us for now.
Another emotion that hits me a lot is resentment. My husband and I fought a lot over the years - it was usually stupid stuff but he would often get very upset with me and the fights were hard to stop. It took a toll on my feelings for him even though I loved him so much. I always thought we would be able to get to a better place but now with him dead I have no closure on that.
I’m seeing a grief counselor once a week and it feels great when i’m talking with her but afterwards I feel so low unless I’m highly distracted. It really sucks and I hate feeling this way. I was already in a sad place before he passed but now it’s even more sad.
I want happiness for my daughter and I. I just want a simple happy life. It’s all I ever wanted. I know it’s super early in the grieving process but I hope there is happiness on the horizon for my daughter and I in the near future.

Hey! I’m (25f) pregnant with our first. After years of health issues and being convinced I was infertile, I found out I was pregnant. This comes after I finally figured out how to regulate my hormones with food and was in the best shape I’ve been in a while! I felt great!
At about 2 weeks I started experiencing extreme anxiety, depression, and fatigue. I didn’t know I was pregnant then. Thee depression/anxiety got slightly better around week 5! But I started throw up all day, every day. I had extreme food aversions. I couldn’t smell anything! Even candles made me sick.
All I could eat was plain food like rice or crackers, and I’d add a protein shake when I could stomach it. Anytime I tried to exercise I would get sick to my stomach or dizzy to the point of almost passing out. When I ate anything with high calories I would get extremely dizzy and sick.
I went to my first check up at 9 weeks. They said the baby looked fine and ran a whole bunch of blood tests. When I stepped on the scale I was a full 20 lbs heavier than when I started. I almost screamed. They didn’t mention anything about the weight but my test results aren’t in yet.
I’m confused because I haven’t really been eating. I also can’t eat gluten or dairy or lots of sugar because of my chronic illnesses. So I’m not sure what I did wrong.
This is my first and I’ve never really been around pregnant people so I have no idea what’s ok. Should I be concerned?