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I'm '24M' in a bit of a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. I recently found out that my girlfriend '22F' has been exchanging messages with a guy from her university on Instagram. The thing is, she asked for his number and even mentioned bringing him food.
Now, just the kicker - this guy is supposedly a university mate, but from what I gather, my girlfriend has a crush on him. Needless to say, this revelation has hit me hard.
I confronted my girlfriend about the messages with her university mate. It was a difficult conversation, to say the least. She broke down and admitted that she made a mistake. She's begging me not to leave her, saying that she regrets her actions and that it was a lapse in judgment.
Honestly, I'm still processing everything. Part of me wants to forgive her and work through it, but another part of me can't shake off the feeling of betrayal. Any advice is appreciated.

First off, feel free to comment about your own experiences. I would love it if anybody can relate. I'm also open to questions, advice, whatever you wanna write. This is gonna be a bit longer, just fyi. Excuse lack of proper chronological order and maybe some wonky sentences, English isn't my first language.
I was parentified.
For context, my mother has three children, I'm the youngest one, then there's my older half-brother (30) and my older half-sister (36). Their father was a violent alcoholic with schizophrenic tendencies (official diagnosis), luckily I never met him. I refer to them as brother and sister. I'm 21 now. I'm the only child of my mom and my dad, my dad has three other kids who are in the same age group as my maternal siblings. Lots of history with divorces and family fights, I'm the center of a complete patchwork family, everybody moved towns a lot, it's all a bit messy and disorganized.
My mother has severe borderline disorder and has massive trauma from several age stages, especially involving men. She was heavily parentified and yet socially cast out by her family herself. I don't remember a time where I didn't act like her father, emotionally. This is made worse by the fact that I'm trans so I was like her bestie before I began socially transitioning in my early teen years. Of course, this was a massive issue for her. She told me she had only ever wanted daughters. Materially she was taking care of things until I was about 11 - walked me to school and took care of the household, used to work, everything.
I remember sitting next to her during a talk/fight she had with my dad while she was sobbing, I can't have been older than 3 or 4. They got divorced around that time. As I grew older, I came to be my mom's sole emotional support person. We had moved to an isolated village with my step-father and she developed a severe agoraphobia for some time. My step-father avoided all emotionality with both her and me and therefore I was now her only friend. I overheard conversations that she shouldn't be having with her child next door and was told about her most severe fears and traumas from a young age. I was lashed out at on a near daily basis and punishment came unexpectedly. It would consist of being screamed at for minutes on end until I would cry and hyperventilate, but she wouldn't stop then.
In spite of her idea of punishment and raising children, she was incredibly attached to me, still is. This would include massive anxiety fits when she didn't know where I was or when I was getting into activities she didn't approve of. One time, when I was about 17, I went to a party in my friend's basement. She knew about this and approved it, knew my friends and where they lived. I didn't have any signal in that basenent so she couldn't reach me. She proceeded to look up my other friends' parents' phone number and call them to contact me. There was nothing she wanted except to know that I had arrived there.
Whereas my other siblings had long left the household years apart from eachother, both with specific and complex fights and banging doors and screaming fits, I was, as the youngest child, turned into a confessional and a therapist. I would mediate fights from a young age. I witnessed physical violence between my brother, my mother and my sister. My brother was the perpetrator for the most part (however, I was neither hurt nor threatened myself). Nobody proceeded to remove me from the situation or stop me from getting involved. From then on, every fight and every drama caused me intense bouts of anxiety and it, to this day, remains to be the only thing that makes me cry and/or lash out.
In a household full of anger, my anger was not tolerated. I was raised with some old-timey sort of black paedagogy (I'm German so it is something of a generational curse for some): I was to have unwavering respect for my parents, I was expected to be obedient, "let him cry it out" type stuff. At least when I was a younger child. When I got older, my emotions did not matter either. After stressful situations or fights that I proceeded to witness for most of my life, nobody ever asked me how I felt or explained to me what had actually gone down. I was left alone while not being left alone at all.
If I failed to provide emotional security for my mother or even attempted to call her out, I was made to feel immensely guilty. This could range from her crying/yelling things like "Why is it always me that must suffer" to guilt-tripping texts and blocking my contact for a while to very action-based suicide threats, depending on the situation. Her emotions were forced to be my emotions if I wanted to "stay alive".
At the same time, I still proceeded to excel in school. I felt like dying but nobody, and I tell you, nobody, noticed. I was a teacher's pet, I still had some loose friendships, I visited my dad once a month or more ever since my parents divorced. Nobody realized what I felt. I felt alone and had the worst depressive episode of my life when I was 13. I neglected personal hygiene. I never opened up to my father for many years. To this day I think he doesn't know everything. Especially during covid, him and my ex-stepmother were my safe space. When I first opened up to them, they welcomed me with open arms, my father was very strict and cold when I was young, but he softened, changed, and is everything and more I could ask for in a father. He is among the most positive examples of masculinity and especially of fatherhood that I know in my circles. He sends me postcards several times a month, wants me to visit, hugs me and tells me he loves me and that he's proud, gives me space. The dad who remembers the names of our childhood stuffed animals. Literally. I love him to death. He was also the only parent who engaged in activities with me and would play with me, later on take me to the movies, go to bars and restaurants, go to museums with me etc.
My mother got worse both psychologically and physically, she is chronically ill and needs immense support in a lot of things now. For about a year, my stepfather worked in a town far away and only came home during the weekends. This was during covid. Within a year, I developed a hatred so deep for my mother that I had thoughts that scared me. I took care of our pets and the household, was not allowed to get into any activities after school other than coming home and spent hours after my day listening to her rants, anxieties, fears. I get hateful goosebumps when I remember the way she used to call my name when she wanted me to do something for her. Sometimes she would make me stay awake for longer, knowing that I had to get up at 6am again. It was usually already around 12 at night. She wanted me to walk the dog before SHE went to bed because otherwise it would ruin her otherwise horribly insomniac circadian rhythm. Therefore I was not allowed to go to sleep. At that point she had not worked for more than 6 years and stayed home all the time. My stepfather and I did grocery shopping. She rarely ever leaves the house if she can avoid it. This was during the German version of my GCSE's.
I was denied medical care that could have potentially fixed my posture issues and other orthopedic issues. My mother deemed physiotherapy as inefficient and got mad when I asked her about it again. Money was always an issue. We were evicted once. I was denied certain things and never asked for extra cash because we ran low on money, my stepfather was blamed for smoking and consuming a lot of meat (which indeed is pricy), but my mother never reflected on her online shopping addiction and I'm aware that she is in an ongoing debt. Has been for years now.
Things got a bit better when my stepfather moved back and Covid cleared up somewhat. Regardless, I used pure spite to continue studying hard while they were yelling at eachother from the top of their lungs for hours on end and did the best I could to get the hell out of there. I've had therapy with several years' of breaks for a total of nearly 3 years now, that I partially applied for myself and I'm working on tackling everything. I live in a different city, studying subjects that I love. I get all my shit done, for the most part, I know how to do paperwork and know how all of the chores work. I can regulate myself in terms of sleep and food and cheap thrills. I have a (milder) case of anxiety. I keep meaningful friendships in which I find myself capable of avoiding all the harmful behaviors and attitudes I was taught. I'm learning to stand my ground and take responsibility for my own decisions and actions.
When I establish my boundaries with her now, she turns into some sort of anxious-attached mess. She over-apologizes to me. She puts me on a pedestal and I'm living a life that she is jealous of. She is intensely attached to me and considers me her favorite child and also hasn't properly gotten over my father, over 15 years of them being divorced. She will do anything to support me materially and then tear me down emotionally. Everything I tell her is followed by her mourning the life she doesn't have and never had instead of properly celebrating with me. She gets noticeably sad when I refuse to give her my full attention, she yearns for what she considered a deep and important relationship to me. But it was all just emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Now I sometimes can't help but meet her with the same attitude she gave me.
This is not perfectly chronological and all over the place. I have complicated relationships with my siblings and other relatives, which I don't mourn, but feel guilty about. My father and I are very good with eachother although I need to confront him about some things as well. With my mother I do the bare minimum to avoid conflict, yet without throwing my sense of self out of the window again. She is the only human who can easily cause anxiety attacks in me, no matter where or when. I sometimes wish I was not in contact with her. I have a tendency for smoking too much weed and being just a bit too careless with other drugs (although I rarely do those in comparison), but I also try and regulate this heavily (e.g. not finding a dealer but asking friends every once in a while etcetc). I think this stems from these experiences. Apart from that, I think I'm coping very well.
To everybody: it does get better. It does. Even when your emotions are a rollercoaster sometimes. You will be in a different place, maybe you already are, and you'll escape from these structures. I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is that I create my own reality and that nobody will give me my stolen childhood back. I am an (albeit young) adult now and I must do everything I can to avoid becoming like her. Her life is not a life I want to lead. There's hope and you won't always be in this place.

Where do I begin. For the purpose of this post, I will use fictious names and locations as it is ongoing, and out of respect (even though she doesn't deserve any)
My name is Daniel. I am 35 years old, and i am dying. I have a disease called systemic sclerosis. I am currently on a supplemental disability plan, until I get approved for SSI (social Security). Until then, my income is about 4K a month. I own a home but after child support and bills, NOT INCLUDING gas, food, haircuts, medical appointments, and or emergencies like my fridge just broke. (which i never go out) I am left with $260 that has to last me a month. I also have three children who I have to take care of half the time per the 50/50 agreement.
Recently, I found out my oldest, (who is 13) is not biologically mine. I decided to look into it as I had concerns for a while since my divorce as her cheating was very rampant. I also had caught her in 2017 with a man in my house, which is what prompted the divorce. But FL being a no fault state, doesn't matter. I also had to pay child support since the beginning and WHILE LEGALLY Married since 2010 because she had applied for financial support like food stamps and government assistance then. I know what your thinking. Why didnt you stop it then? I tried. You cant take yourself off child support. I also never grew up with a father and wanted that two-parent household. I don't run from responsibilities, like he did. Its how I was raised. Anyways, I married her, tried to do the right thing, she lied numerous times. she never worked, and I worked 90 plus hours a week. To look into her cheating, was impossible at the time as I was never home. and to busy providing for my family.
fast forward to now. My disease started to become worse and over three years; it didn't reveal itself until last year fully to actually pinpoint what this was. for instance, I had in 2019 pain behind my eyes and horrible headaches to the point that I thought I had MS. following year, I had trouble swallowing for 3 months. next year itching in the skin for three months. But prior, I had visited various doctors to see what was going on, each time a flare up then would last 3 to four months, which again, when you don't understand what's going on, you need to take time off to go see doctors, run tests, but this illness was and still is very elusive. with that being said I had 5 jobs since its first flare up till last year to continue to support my family and to pay child support. as of last year. I'm having trouble moving on certain days, breathing and acid reflux and muscle atrophy. (disease progression) especially when this is going on, it worsens everything as this is flared up. I was working under the table to try and make ends meet as I was paying child support still. I should add that the child support with 50/50 custody was $1029 for three kids cause I was making six figures at the time of divorce in 2018. Last year however, I couldn't work anymore, and filed for disability.
In june of last year, I had asked Susan, to get the children school supplies, (which she never does) as I was still paying at the time $1029 in child support. She said she didnt have the money despite now making 70k and her new BF living with her and is working whom she cheated on me with. With me working under the table, I bought them clothes, haircuts, school supplies (ive done every year) but then, I noticed she went on vacation to puerto rico and got a giant leg tattoo. At the time, I had already known what I had, and I asked myself why the heck am I doing this? So i turned to an attorney to get it modified. Again, this is June 20th to be exact of last year. My lawyer, stated that this was only going to be a 90 day turn around for the temporary modification then we will go for the final.
Since then, I have gone for a DNA test. I had to know. I am dying. I wanted to know. And you may judge me for this. but i have filed for disablement for paternity, meaning I am removing myself from the birth certificate. However, in the state of Florida, a mother can deny this and so can the courts. before you judge me, I have many reasons none of which have to do with him other then his mental disability (Aspergers) This illness, as days go by takes more and more from me. As previously aforementioned, I am left with 250 a month. I cannot go get a drs appointment pay for groceries or start planning my funeral which I will start making payments on soon. He also eats three times the amount that we all collectively do (Not his fault) but I have paid enough both mentally and financially. He also has trouble communicating as my suspicions is, that he was born of incest (gross) which is why I was 'chosen' to be his father at the time. Before you ask how do you know? Lets just say she had an uncle 'leave' during that time.
anyways, in February, I had the temporary modification hearing for child support and needless to say it was a circus. My doctor was subpoenaed to be there by my attorneys request to better my argument, even though I felt we didn't need her, she advised me to have my doctor there. Well, he attorney attacked my doctor and me for an hour and 40 mins when the court case was only supposed to go for an hour. He said "you saw another dr Max so and so and they said it was all in your head" (again I had flare ups on a illness that hadnt revealed itself correctly since last year). So there argument was that I was doctor seeking to avoid child support. After I have paid for 13 years never missing a payment. Her lawyer also targeted people who are living with me. Now I'll admit that I said they were friends which is true but how else can I pay for my attorney? Cant work, cant sell drugs, cant rob a bank? So they want to take there income into consideration. BS. She also hired a private investigator to watch me exercise outside and stated that because I can exercise, I can work..... Ok. Where's the 23 hours of the rest of the day watching me in pain. or when do you have me on video of a flare up from this terminal illness? (that's what I wanted to say)
Although I was granted the temporary modification, of $209, I left the court thinking wow, this woman can cheat, commit paternity fraud, not give two craps about our children, live with her mom in a section 8 home, and here I am doing whatever I can and I've done nothing wrong but be lied to and this is how my government, my country treats me? No wonder men my age dont have children this is insane. The paternity issue wasn't even brought up they said that this isnt the place for this and that the disestablishment will be another trial for those wondering. My lawyer only spoke for 5 mins. Asking her about her income cause thats the only thing that has changed since 2018 since she didnt work at the time. Other than that, it was an attack on me and my disease arguing my ability to work.
after leaving that, I didnt eat for 96 hours. I have since been crying nonstop. Compilating suicide. I am already heart broken about my son not being mine. Sure does a terminal illness make me said, no question everyday. But a life wasted on another? Cause I decided to be a man and take up responsibility? thats soul crushing. And to say "well, there is a big chance the courts will deny your request' thats BS. If i go to prison because I was accused of a robbery for 13 years, and DNA evidence proves I wasnt there, I get out of jail and can sue. This is no different. If anything, DNA evidence needs to be more of a factor in family law than in almost every court of law if not as equally important. My bad for not investigating her infidelity not only in the beginning but also in the end. How about not being a POS. sorry rant over
gets better. Her mom and dad smoke in the section 8 house, kids reek of cigarette smoke and marijuana, all day. they dont take showers there, they were hand me down clothes, they live in the garage shared with there mother, that isn't air conditioned. and he makes only a few thousand less than I do a month. She stated in court that she pays her mom $500 in rent which is BS, she is only doing that now so that she makes herself look bad. I know she is doing pills, like oxy and what not. Id love to prove it.
after the temp hearing, in april, I had to go to court to contest my drivers license suspension as I hadn't paid child support since, august of last year. again, there is no way, I can pay my bills, feed my children, go to the doctor, pay my lawyer to end all of this BS and pay the current child support amount. and again, this final hearing is still not set yet. So they intercepted my tax return, even though the temporary modification was approved, the final is what gets it retro backed to the date of filing, so they took, a much needed 5500 tax return from me. I needed that cause one of the issues I failed to mention as well, hurricane Ian has destroyed my home and I'm still going through that process too. not to mention I am on payment plans with Mayo clinic and other various medical facilities. (no one cares) but the interest that accrues, makes it impossible to catch up. also, Florida department of rev is overstepping I feel, and asking for medical info to be sent to them as well as updated doctors letters to be sent saying that I am still on disability.
a few weeks ago, I got an email from my lawyer having a withdrawal notice from her lawyer. in the withdrawal, he stated that he cannot represent her, due to something she may have withheld or lied about (more or less wasn't worded like that but you can tell). In feb court appearance they never produced the PI report, or videos, they had medical info they shouldn't have had, and they had very outlandish comments about my lifestyle. So my lawyer filed immediately a motion to compel. meaning, we want to see everything you have on my client. this was filed almost immediately after court appearance on feb 20th. Susan has failed to provide any updated info requested by my attorney so on june 18th, we have that upcoming hearing.
in the mean time, I have sent my lawyer, a very heavily requested topics, such as "where did they get my medical records, if those were lies, what are the consequences if any"? What did exercising have to do with any of this despite various drs saying he has to or he will get worse.
I know wat you must be thinking, what about your oldest, how can you do that to him. Please listen. This woman has taken everything from me. And i mean everything but the roof over my head. I am seeing a therapist to help with the suicidal thoughts. it isnt enough. the reality of it is, I chose to be loyal and it bit me in the butt. This disease will rob me of everything, my teeth will fall out ( I had 5 cavities last time I went to the dentist) I haven't had a cavity since I was 30 and even then I was suspicious. And I am brushing 5 time s a day to save them. My skin is tightening, and my arms and muscles are wasting. I will literally be left with nothing. My organs will also start to harden, and I will have to start getting around the clock care.
I forgot to mention they (child support) recently, sent a letter to SSI (social security) saying that they would garnish my SSI before I even got it, totaling $1029. the incorrect amount. I sent this to my lawyer and she is looking into it. But it shows that child support will overstep and breaks every law or freedom you may think you have. I DO take care of my children. if they need a haircut i do it, school supplies clothes, anything I do it. And I do it, cause she wont. What I want to leave you with, is that woman can be dead beats too. Child support was designed to have woman off of government subsidized programs like section 8 food stamps and what not. Also to make the man pay for their children man or woman I should say, I know this. I am not running from my obligation. I just want Susan, to have to pay for what's she's done to me and the kids.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this, please comment and share, all names are fake, but everything else is unfortunately real. I know it was wordy, but I wanted to provide as much backstory as possible. And please. Respect my descions. When you are end of life, I hope someone would be kind enough to respect yours. You may not agree and that's ok, but I am asking you to respect them. Thank you for reading.

Hopefully, I did this right. Admins feel free to delete if not, been lurking for a few days debating if I was going to post
Hello there
Back in March 2024, I lost my job unexpectedly. I had money saved and was ok with rent.
Live in Portland, ME
I even found a job and was hired pretty quickly. The background check took longer than expected. And I've had no income for 2 months
As of 5/19/24 i was finally called to start training this upcoming week
I've been selling some personal items, but it only takes me so far.
I also got approved for food stamps, so that helps with food But I still have bills I need to pay.
I'm asking for a little help in catching up with bills until i officially start working ,
I know the pay date is far out but I want to make sure I start getting paid regularly
making sure I can pay for my wedding at the end of june
I'm asking for $300, I want to ask for more but I want to be realistic about what I think I fan comfortably pay back
Cashapp- jrobles85 Venmo- julior1229
Thank you for looking

You never know the pull of a small town until you trade your entire life to live in one.
Dazzling city lights made way for grassy fields blanketed in soft sunsets, local papers filled with names I knew by heart. When the honeyed hair of the local florist came out in patches due to the stresses of life, sixty people brought steaming bowls of food to ease the ache. A singular church brought the townsfolk together, and perhaps that was the most foreign part of it all to me.
I was a kid, so I watched the entire thing unfold through the innocent lens of child, keenly watching the camaraderie of this town really peak outside the doors of that church. It didn’t look like much, a steepled dream imagined by the townsfolk of before, but it meant everything to the people. I even understood that back then, even though I didn’t quite buy the concept of a god yet.
The Sundays were a monotonous part of our week, only pedalled by my parents who desperately wanted to fit in with the town’s culture. They wore their masks well, nodding in the right places as we sat in the same pew every time, my father often discreetly checking the football scores in the sleeve of his jumper. Nothing ever happened in that tiny town, and then everything happened all at once.
It started with the miracles. Our pastor, Pastor Jon, liked to have the troubled souls of that week sitting in the front row so he could clutch their shaking hands one by one, channelling the energy of God through him in the hope that someday, hope could be brought to those lacking in it. It was a brief affair, usually just the joining of skin and a short prayer, but that Sunday was different. Rain hammered against the roof, leaving Pastor Jon’s prayers lost in the low, threatening rumble of thunder.
It meant when the sun shone through the clouds and caressed the face of a pained Wilson Brewster, it already felt a welcome intrusion.
“May your broken leg heal quickly,” Pastor Jon smiled warmly, steeling a hand on the calf of the waiting boy.
He, like me, was just a child. He didn’t feel the urgency of the situation, he was probably only grateful his throbbing leg wasn’t pulsating with pain anymore. He breathed a quiet ‘cool’ and that would have been that, had his parents not asked exactly what was cool about his leg being touched later that night. The news spread like wildfire - as per the medical centre, his parents said, Wilson Brewster no longer had a broken fibula.
There was some debate, of course. My parents mumbled in the kitchen about how clearly he’d never had a broken leg, and how odd to make him hobble around in a cast if that was the case. The sentiment was echoed tenfold, until something a little more tangible happened that changed the course of that town, and our lives, forever.
Pastor Jon didn’t mean for the glass to shatter in his hand during service, nor did he mean for a chunk of it to embed itself in his palm, gushing reams of blood racing down his arm in a bid for the floor.
“Gross!” one of the kids shouted with glee, the rest of us paling as crimson spilled from his wound. He was a deer in the headlights, utterly unprepared as we all looked on in awe. This was not how church usually went - this was quite the deviation. Several people stood to help, but they needn’t have bothered, because the divine was ready to intervene.
“Oh dear,” Pastor Jon muttered in a panic, using his bloodied hand to block the intense ray of sunlight threatening to stream through the glass into his eyes. It bathed the blood in a golden glow, and quicker than it had gone in, the chunk of glass began to slide from the wound till it smashed to the floor, exploding into a million pieces. That was not the crescendo, though, rather it was the sight of his skin tightening and knitting together - months of work in a moment - blood congealing and leaving behind nothing but memories of a wound.
“Pastor?” Mary-who-makes-the-blueberry-pies breathed, reaching out to touch him with bulging eyes. Pastor Jon could only open and close his mouth uselessly, his voice barely coming out in a whisper when he did finally speak.
“It’s a miracle,” he wheezed, and by all accounts, I suppose it seemed it was.
I was young, but I remember the bustle - the town was as I’d never seen it. The people of the church had vowed to keep it our little secret because, as Pastor Jon said, we had been given a gift and it was not appropriate to turn it into a spectacle. This gift was sporadic, though. People queued through the double doors of that church, sobbing and praying for their own slice of God, but few were to be given it. Little Laurie Lee and her dislocated jaw cleared up within the hour. Farmer Noel had a sudden epiphany about what the lottery numbers were to be.
Our town was blessed.
For two days, we marvelled. The rest of the world can have a piece later, we reasoned, but this was for us, just for now.
The church was fuller than it had ever been, people spilling out into the back and waiting with baited breath, snippets of conversations could be heard, and as they had been for the last two days, they all echoed one another.
“-a believer. I mean, Aunt Lillian said it was the light. The light closed up his wound, there and then!”
“-jaw. I saw her get hit with the cricket bat! Terrible thing, little lamb was inconsolable. And then next thing I know, she comes here and those shards are just welded back together again! Well, I told Janie-”
“-need to make the church bigger. Look at everyone! If only-”
So when Pastor Jon stood before us practically trembling with glee, it was hardly the weirdest thing that had happened all week. His voice was thick with emotion, eyes darting manically around our congregation.
“I have a message,” he breathed, and the crowd gasped at the connotation of it. I remember my father swearing, a low rumble of expletives I didn’t usually hear falling from his lips. I didn’t fully understand what this meant, but the atmosphere in that room morphed in a heartbeat.
“Tell us,” Christie Baker cried, hands clasped as tears welled in her eyes, “Oh, please tell us!”
Pastor Jon visibly shook, holding a trembling hand outstretched as if to reach us all. “He came to me last night,” a single tear raced past his cheek and made a home on his lip, “He spoke to me.”
“Praise God!” a man cried from next to me, and I shuffled closer to my father at the sudden burst of noise.
“It is… Him,” Pastor Jon uttered in a blissful exhale, sending the room bursting into chaos. Tears, cheers and prayers filled the space, but my father just clutched me tighter and my stomach churned uncomfortably. It took at least ten minutes for the room to quieten, but when it did, he had their rapt attention. “I am told that I will be His vessel. I will pass on what must be passed. We are not to spread the word, yet - only our pocket of civilization is ready. Only ours.”
You could replicate what happened a thousand times, and somebody would mess it up, sending a message of the divine to their great aunt in Auckland. But not us. That secret stayed within the confines of our town for the sixteen days hell shined upwards at us. Everybody had a thousand questions, but Pastor Jon only hushed us. “You must trust me,” he said, tone more regal than I’d ever heard it. And trust him the people did.
So on the second day when he returned to church and his eyes were dark-rimmed, nobody questioned it. He was chosen. Who knows what that does to a person’s sleep cycle? The following day when he went for his morning walk and the smile didn’t quite reach his hollow eyes, that was fine. He was a vessel, not a performer. And then that morning at church when he addressed us and kept rubbing the angry red welts on his wrists, who were we to ask questions of God’s messenger?
Nothing went terribly wrong until the baptisms. We all wanted to be part of this - even my anxious parents who signed me up to be bathed in holy water - and so we queued towards the front of the church, eager to hand ourselves over. I was second in line, right behind Mrs Awkins who had been the school nurse for the last 26 years, apparently. She was gleeful as Pastor Jon set up, speaking rhymes I barely listened to as I bounced on the balls of my feet, eager to go next. My stomach flipped at the words, knowing that my turn was only seconds away. People wouldn’t usually queue, but this was different. It was all different, now.
“I baptize you in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
I didn’t expect the awful fizzing noise the liquid made as it hit Nurse Awkins’ head, nor did I expect the guttural wail that fell from her lips as she clawed at her own scalp. Smoke billowed up from her disappearing tresses and as I was yanked backwards, I caught a glimpse of her exposed skull. Most people will go their entire lives without the smell of burning flesh lingering in their nostrils, but not me.
“I- No! That wasn’t- oh!” Pastor Jon had cried, tired eyes bulging out of his head as people leapt to their feet to assist.
It was carnage, but not carnage I witnessed for long. My mother’s grip on my arm was vice-like, her eyes swimming with terror I know still plagues her to this day. I recall my father on the walk home, murmuring to my mother in low tones I wasn’t meant to hear.
“This isn’t right, Rach’. Jesus, did you see her? That was almost our son!”
My mum’s voice was shrill, the sound of her heels clacking against the pavement not quite masking her voice. “The police will be called - we don’t even know if she’ll survive! I think I’m going to throw up.”
But she was wrong on both counts. She didn’t throw up and the police weren’t called, because we rallied together. This was bigger than us and bigger than Mrs Awkins. Sure, nobody else tried to get baptised, but this was a blip. People surmised that the almighty didn’t want her as part of his flock, that she hadn’t been a believer when it mattered. Nobody was to utter a word about it, and because church was every morning now, my parents were almost too scared not to go. As a child, I didn’t understand it, but all these years later, I think I’d have bent to the fear of the almighty as well.
But it wasn’t the almighty who knocked on the door.
It became all the clearer that morning when Pastor Jon turned up with eyes so sunken and empty that we startled at his presence.
“Pastor.. Pastor, are you feeling alright?” one of our neighbours fussed, “Will you be okay for service?”
Pastor Jon didn’t answer. It was almost as though he didn’t hear her as he dragged his feet up to the front, turning so slowly towards us that it almost felt eerie. A large, jagged and bloodied cut spanned the entire back of his neck, disappearing behind him as he eyed us all, one by one.
“He’s here,” he murmured, words that on paper, should have sent the entire church reeling with joy. But you could hear a pin drop. You could hear any soul whisper in the large room, and yet his utterance only caused goosebumps to spread across my skin as a sort of icy stillness washed over me.
“He’s… here?” a woman in the front row asked, and Pastor Jon took too long to answer. An unnatural, slow smile spread across his face as he tilted his head towards the source of the noise. He didn’t respond, instead slowly lifting his hand to his lips, letting his finger linger there for a moment. When nobody spoke, he let his mouth fall open and began to chew loudly on the finger, drawing gasps from the crowd.
“Don’t look,” my mother shimmied closer to me and lifted a trembling hand to my eyes, but I could see through the cracks in her fingers. Pastor Jon continued to sloppily chew his finger, eventually snapping his head up and inhaling sharply as he spat blood out of his mouth.
“Your bodies are so fragile,” he sneered, lifting his dripping finger to the skies, causing several people to leap from their seats and make a bolt for it. My mother was one of them, and with horror, I watched as the Pastor’s eyes scanned the room and locked onto mine, tilting his head. “Stay,” he hissed with bared, bloody teeth, and we did. Not through choice, but rather, a sickening whoosh of air that skimmed past our faces and forced us all back down.
“What’s going on?” someone shrieked, but we weren’t to know, not really.
Pastor Jon only smiled blissfully, reaching his arms outwards as if to accept us. “I’ve come to bless you all,” he whispered mockingly, fingers outstretched as the sun hit the stained glass to the left of him. But it was all wrong. Sunshine streamed in and as it hit the red of a decorated sunrise, an image which had been there years before us, the colour changed. It was only moments until the church had the appearance of being bathed in blood, shimmering red bouncing off every surface to create the illusion we were all swimming in hell.
Nobody spoke.
Those who didn’t quite make it to the doors stood frozen; we who remained in our seats cowered in the heaviest kind of fear. Red drowned us and we clutched one another, eyeing Pastor Jon as though he were a wild animal. Finally, someone dared speak.
“Where is God?” he murmured, eyes swimming. Pastor Jon’s neck snapped towards him as he licked the blood from his finger, shuddering. When he spoke, his words were cold, distant. As though they were from somewhere else entirely.
“He hasn’t been around for a while.”
There was no time for his words to punch at my stomach, because in no time at all Pastor Jon was crumpled on the floor, wailing as he regarded his chewed, bloody finger. The bone was exposed and yet nobody helped him as he looked at us pleadingly, too many eyes on him as his whimpers turned to whispers. When he spoke, we listened.
“You need to keep coming to church,” he breathed, a single, bloody tear trickling down his cheek, “It will be worse if we don’t.”
So we did.
The Sunday Fair was cancelled, and pies that had been baked to share in sunny gardens went stale and grew mould. People packed duffel bags and made for their cars, arguing fiercely with those who decided to stay. My mother and father disagreed, but their argument was far more muted.
“Please, we have to go,” my father pleaded, shaking his head as I watched from the shadows, “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck that was-”
“I can’t explain it,” her voice was shaken, quiet, “But I know it will be worse if we go. I know it. Please just trust me. Trust Jon.”
So as my father always did, he believed in my mother. Each day in church was torturous, everyone sitting rigid with fear as Pastor Jon read slowly and shakily from the bible, bruises littering his gaunt body. When the holy book in his hands would launch into flames, he’d calmly drop it into the bucket of water he’d prepared and retrieve a new one. One time, every window in the church smashed and we all winced, ducking to avoid the onslaught of glass.
Darkness watched us.
We all felt it, and I know it visited members of the flock in the shadows. I was plagued by it one particularly torturous night as I lay in bed, blanketed in darkness with the covers pulled up to my chin. I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling I was being stared upon, squeezing my eyes shut as laboured, wet breaths left my body. But they weren’t my breaths.
I’d realised it straight away, that my hurried gasps for air didn’t match the gargling, strangled heaving that echoed around my head. From under the covers, I didn’t know much, but I knew one thing - the uncomfortable, heavy presence laying on my legs was my only source of comfort. Through all this, I reasoned, that if my beloved dog was with me, hell itself couldn’t come and claim me.
But I was wrong, because outside, my dog howled into the night.
Terror like that wasn’t something I’d felt before, and as my stomach bottomed out, I stopped breathing altogether. It must have sensed my fear, because those gargling breaths heaved closer and closer to my face as it dragged itself up my body, inch by inch. The smell of rot and ash burned into my nostrils, a horrific weight settling above my nose as my lungs started working again, so quickly that I would surely die then and there. If it had a face, it was twisted and pressed into mine, the thin bedcover my only source of protection.
But I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move, so I let it pant gravelly air into my face, let it lay on top of me for hour after hour, till the birdsong indicated morning had come. All night I sobbed stifled cries, chest shaking as I squeezed my eyes shut and felt it pressing into me. Felt it hating me, felt it wanting to rip its claws into my stomach and pull out my intestines. But it didn’t. And when I awoke late the next morning - I must have passed out through fear alone - it was gone.
The rest is all a bit of a trauma-soaked blur, to be honest. I know my parents couldn’t understand why I wasn’t speaking the next day, why I barely reacted when evil finally descended that morning at church. The rest of the townsfolk screamed for their lives, ran as fast as they could, but I just stared with a hollow, broken gaze. As the rivers of blood waterfalled down between the pews, I watched Pastor Jon’s eyes grow dark as midnight, empty and soulless as he bellowed inside those four walls and called upon something worse than any of us could likely ever imagine.
I recall the fire starting, remember Pastor Jon’s slack jaw as he regarded us all so horribly, moving jaggedly towards my family with a growing demonic, gleeful grin.
“I remember you from last night,” he’d uttered darkly, but his voice came out in a thousand jarring layers and I could see hell in his eyes.
“Leave us alone!” my father tried to shield us, lifting a crucifix and wielding it towards Pastor Jon as though it would protect us. He simply laughed, an awful noise of horrific dissonance that I still sometimes hear alone in my bed at night. In complete horror, my parents could only watch as this thing wrenched the crucifix from my father’s hand, grinning as his jaw split and shattered each second he opened it impossibly wider. The sound of his bones cracking reverberated as his skin split and his mouth gaped, wide enough to drop the crucifix right into his waiting, blood-soaked mouth and swallow it, right in front of us.
When he met our gaze, his broken jaw hung limply from his face, sad morsels of skin stitching a once-good man together. Whatever blur those hours were, that, I remember.
It was an anti-climax, really, because while I expected him to descend upon us all and rip us into thousands of pieces, he simply boomed his words, jaw still hanging as his evil spoke directly into our souls.
“When I return in 20 years, it is not just your small town that will bleed.”
Pastor Jon has been missing for 20 years. I’m not sure when he started his countdown, but I awoke this morning with a dread so sickening that I’ve barely stopped emptying my stomach. If it’s over and the earth turns to rubble, I hope somebody finds this and can at least piece together why it all came to a sad, premature end. We townsfolk kept our vow of quiet for this long, but there comes a point when silence is deadly.
I think today, Pastor Jon will be found.

You ma'am were my everything, from the moment I first saw you walking to my tow truck. I was in aww of you in that moment I was so hooked I can't explain it in any other way. I just needed to get to know the real you. Looking back I wish I could have slowed everything down a lot because we moved so fast. Opened the door for you and got you up into the truck. At first she was impressed I even would do that for her. She said it made her feel special and no one had ever done that for her. As I walked back to my door to get in time for me started to slow as I thought about a million things at once I was so drawn to her wanted everything for her and me to be amazing and guys, it really was great from my seat. She's absolutely gorgeous, sweet yet she's a pretty bad ass chick though. She's into heavy metal and rock over anything. She's my only ginger I've ever dated in my life. She's so beautiful, selfless when she knows u need something she is the first one to get it for you and she's an amazing cook, So incredibly sexy, and no matter what she broken and all was the only woman that I ever bought a real ring for wherever would and that red hair gets me now every time I find one around in my truck or my house. She loves to play with it as her nervous habit I used to say she was marking her territory jokingly but I loved watching her do it I love watching her play with it It was awesome to just be able to look over at her and see her sitting there was the greatest feeling in my life next to having my children and watching them be born. Seeing her smile was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life That's what I lived for I lived for being silly with her and joking around and just having a good fucking time and spending that time with her no matter how much it was. I loved it always. Even when we fought I didn't ever stop loving her I did never stop caring about her obviously I was in it for us. Call me a wuss whatever you want I don't care I honestly have a thing with other people's hair it grosses me out when it is off the body so I'd have these piles of hair is have to immediately get out of the floor of my work truck when id open it for her to get her out of the truck lol it grossed me out but I didn't really care it was more funny that she was nervous cus we were so chill together. I quickly fell for this girl front the start and she was exactly what I said in the title. She's always going to be my blue little sundress passenger seat princess, the only women I've ever actually seen, planned, or dreamed of a future with and I've had longer relationship with kids even. But she has two sweet little girls that are amazing as well and I have become attatched to them as well throughout this 3 years. Especially because when her and I first met and went on our date I knew already that she was a mom of two but I hadn't met either one of them yet. Days after she was still with me and we spent every waking moment together in that truck. And we had a great time It just felt right. After that weekend was over we went to pick up her 3-month-old daughter. We had to go to the next town over and get her from her dad's house. As I got this little girl up into my truck put her car seat in the back of the tow truck I did what any normal person would do when meeting a baby for the first time. Started talking to her just to see her reaction to me. She was so sweet and so damn cute. She smiled so beautifully and was just so amazing it brought back all the memories for me having my kids. And that one really just cemented in the fact that I wanted to do this so much for my girl and I and for these kids cuz they were amazing. I spent my days just working away. Most the time with her by my side. There was times where yes we were not together 100% there's things she had to go do. Which was fine That's what we needed some time apart to miss each other cuz we did spend a lot of time together but honestly As long as we were there in my truck we were amazing together just hanging out while I was working spending time together and she said she loved watching me work. She loved how manly I smelled after and during a days work. Everything was great. So before her and I met I was always working and keeping to myself just trying to focus on myself but I lived in a hotel. So since her and I got hooked up together, we lived in my hotel which was not bad at all it was a fairly big hotel that offered reduced rates for long extended stays and they offered me a corporate discount. So it was fairly inexpensive as far as paying for the place but it was still extremely expensive compared to renting someplace. But it was by my own money because she had no income no job that I paid for everything. Literally everything. So as I worked 7 days a week and worked from time outta bed in the morning until well after midnight. I had no time to find our own place for cheaper living to start new direction for us. So she started searching for our own place to rent. Let's say we got distracted from that because of this damn drama that seemed to always be happening with her life. I'd always listen to what was going on with her and try to help. It's what I do in my everyday life I jump out of a truck when people are at their worst and it makes me feel a sense of joy because I get to get out of the damn truck like Superman get over to them and calm their life down a little bit slow it down for them when they're in their worst moments of the day and just take that weight off their shoulders. I get that fulfillment for my life that joy and it drives me to keep going That's the only reason I push through my days. I lived for it, soon after meeting her she became a big part of that meaning for me so much so I never even realized that it would end up costing me my career because I just couldn't do it anymore getting in that truck And as I open the door I see her there in the passenger seat with a flooded memory that comes rushing in and I get happy really quick like it's all real again and as soon as I sit down take my guys off that seat I look back over when it close the door cuz I'd always smile back at her when I got in the truck and she's not there and it breaks my heart every single time I experienced this so imagine getting in and out of that truck every day all day long and having to do that. I've been such an emotional wreck now that I literally had to go to my boss and quit my job because I couldn't safely do it and this was the job ladies and gentlemen that I prayed for at the end of our relationship I wasn't working hadn't been working for a few months because I just found out that I got cancer in my throat. So I got depressed I didn't know how to tell her my mom anybody being only 37 years old that I'm not going to be here that long Not as long as I thought so it started to destroy me and by this time in our relationship two and a half years in we had had several moves several little breakups but we'd always come back together and we always seemed great afterwards but then it always seemed like something would come up or she would lie or do something that I didn't like or that I wasn't approving of and every time I tried to talk to her about it she would just blow up at me and yeah there was lots of red flags I missed her out of a relationship I wish I could have done so many things different but stress and being what it is and everything you know I let my emotions get the best of me I let my my everything get the best of me every single time because as soon as she starts yelling it makes me louder and I just don't see anybody giving me that kind of a disrespectful stance especially when I'm trying to be calm I'm trying to just talk to them about it and then they blow up and makes me want to blow up right back So yeah my mistake but are honestly feel like it was just to cause me to do that so she could break up or we can break up and she can run away for a couple days and go get what she needed somewhere else and then come right back. That's what I feel like now. Don't know if it was all lie from delusional or what but everything I've read on here it all speaks to me so much that I honestly I really feel like I was lied to the entire time I was made to believe something that was never true This girl told me she loved me like 3 months in and I honestly felt it before that but I really think it was all just a facade now for her We found each other and we were broken pieces everywhere we started putting our lives together picking everything up putting ourselves back together and we felt more complete than anything is the way I saw our lives up until a year and a half into it though it was for me even with the little small breakups and stuff it was amazing It wouldn't trade it for the world soon as I found out I had cancer though guys It broke me I wasn't working I wasn't doing anything for myself and yeah that I regret I regret not just telling her right away because looking back now it may have helped but I doubt she would even cared She probably would have broke up with me then is how I feel now. But I never told her until almost 3 weeks after we broke up. The 17th of this month was my birthday my 38th birthday The day after is her 3-year-olds 3-year birthday. Which I didn't get to go to even though that little girl calls me dada loves me like there's no tomorrow and I love that little girl so so much she was like she was my daughter shortly after I found out I had cancer I was taking care of that little girl not working but taking care of her all day everyday for months in my house with her living here and my girlfriend living here while she worked. Then she's sitting here telling me griping at me that I need to get back working by about she can't be the only one working but then if I did that we wouldn't had a babysitter We would have nowhere for "Our daughter" She always insisted when I would say her daughter because she has a lot of hateful feelings towards her baby daddy. The other thing I forgot to mention is the fact that about 2 years into our relationship she went through a pretty major surgery for herself No one was there for her except for me I sat with her through the whole thing waited for her at the hospital I waited on her hand and foot at my place of living She laid in my bed took care of her gave her everything she needed and would do it again in a heartbeat The point is that I was there stood by her side took care of her in every way I needed to every way I could. In the first part of our relationship all the way through I'd say the first half She was always constantly wondering if I had eaten today or if I needed food or if I wanted her to cook me anything or I mean would she selflessly would do every single time she was happy to do it She loved doing it She loved being at the hotel and me coming home to a cooked meal how she would do it in her bra and underwear because just for shits and giggles you know She was the most sexually appetizing person I've been in with in my entire life number one and from day one of our relationship I never saw any other female on this planet My eyes never strayed not once they only saw her She was my everything. Fellas tell me when you fell in love If you ever felt the same because I know for me there was another woman on this planet that could ever even have compared to my woman she was so sexy so incredibly just mesmerizing for me and having her in my arms I felt complete I felt like a man I felt like I would move to heaven and earth for this woman and I was trying doing everything I could and it always just seemed like our little stupid spats and our bickering was so much more to her than it was to me because she would always end up leaving and going to her sisters. Her sister was and is so incredibly damaging for her mental state that I'm surprised that this woman has not killed herself yet She has no movement in her own life she's a stay-at-home girlfriend for her boyfriend of 16 15 16 years something like that and she is about a cow about 300 lb heifer that has always been jealous of anything the little sister gets that makes her happy that makes her have a better life than what big sister has then big sister has to sit there and destroy little sisters mental state just to bring her back down so she can feel good about her own self So anytime she ever went back there that's exactly what happened Big sister would just tear her down and break her down and it's just sick and that's where I think first mistake for us ever went was allowing her to move in there because as soon as she did seem like everything started going downhill and that's when I started finding things out about how much she was actually lying to me about stupid silly little things because her brother in-law and sister would talk to her about our relationship at night when they're all home together or whenever and they'd be giving her advice when these two are alcoholics they will not ever get married even though they've been together forever but this is just to not lose social security crap it's ridiculous there's a real fear of commitment between the two and a lot of damage between the two and it just fed right into my woman's head and I'm really truly believe it loud it her to be severely poisoned cuz she started turning into a completely different person but yet I still loved her like the day I first met her I still looked at her exactly the same I still do to this day even though she won't have anything to do with me for whatever reason I don't know I never got a reason but after everything we've been through I honestly felt like every time she made me promise never to leave her every time she made me the promise that she would never leave me no matter what blah blah blah I feel like it was all just a game to her now and a game to her family because my woman was the child that was traded off when things got too stressful for Mom she was the kid that was sent to the hospital to you know being the mental ward because it was just too tough for Mom to cope with having two kids and being as destroyed of a person as she is So of course that's led to a lot of emotional damages for my woman and for that entire family It's led to alcoholism and the other side of the family with her sister and her mom being best friends they hang out all day long and it's about the worst family situation you could think of but sadly she will still choose her family over anybody at the end of the day even though they don't choose her like that It breaks my heart to watch honestly the best thing she could do is cut them off from her life but there is a lot of times that she needed them there because she had no other option is what she felt instead of when we fought going there honestly alsoever wanted her to do is just calm down and instead of leaving stay here choose me over that bullshit fight choose me over the fucking nonsense of everything because at the end of the day none of it mattered to me I always forgave her for everything not because I wanted to be the doormat or because I allowed myself to be the doormat but because when I grew up I grew up in a Christian family That's what we do if we fight we work shit through I may not be the best Christian in the world but I know the values that I have in my family were not the same as hers they traded her off when times got tough they never showed her unconditional love so she doesn't even know how to unconditionally love her own children and it's really sad cuz honestly to this day I feel like that little girl would choose me over her own mother and that breaks my heart for her. I realize I've been rambling on for a while now but this one really doesn't sit right with me guys I've never had any issues with any breakup since this one and I know the mental state she was in when she made it and made this choice but the way she did it just recently after having promised her yet again and her promising me that we would never leave each other and to always fight for the relationship. She comes over about a 3 weeks ago we have sex been seen each other in a few days few days prior to that we went and took "our daughter" to her dentist appointment she had to be knocked out at and did great through who'd she want afterwards after she woke up me Not her mom just me to comfort her. So being the dad that I am of course I did that I gave her the comfort she needed we had a great day together but it was short-lived. My girl's been in such a bad spot mentally but she refused to talk to me about it I could never get her to open up and yes I did a lot of things wrong because I was always trying to fix her or trying to help her through it is how I see it She saw it as me trying to fix her and she said I don't need to be fixed. But I know I didn't see it that way and that may have been my mistake because she wasn't looking for advice or whatever on how to try to help her through it but she just wanted somebody to listen to her which I did I can repeat everything she's ever told me about an issue word for word I can almost predict in my head I can sit there and say okay what's she going to say. And then I can literally as she's saying it out loud I can pretty well determine already know what she's going to say while listening though just to make sure I don't miss anything It ends up being the same thing every time and it's always all about her family's issues and things going on between them. It's been this way for the last year and a half probably since she moved in there now just before this breakup she had been for a couple months looking for place for us to go cuz I want out of where I'm at now and she obviously wanted out of there and so she was supposedly looking for it for a place to go That was ours because I got a new job I sat here and prayed for a new job that I had applied for and they just weren't moving fast enough or something I guess because like 4 days before she broke up with me they called and I started working I was so happy I got back in that truck I was doing it for her for us for me for those girls everything was going the way I had invisioned it going. Then like I said two days go by she came over spend some time together We had a little quickie and then we went to her appointment with the psych doctor couple days later she breaks up with me This is how I wake up the next morning after being at work all night long in my tow truck to a text message and I'm blocked on everything every single social media outlet every everything that we had together online I'm just blocked. Knowing the mental state she was in I was like what the hell is going on now I got a short text message that said something like I can't do this anymore This is after going through her girl parts being taken out being with her the entire time waiting on her hand and foot this is after saving her daughter because her drunk ass sister drove home from their mothers house while watching the like 5-month-old baby at the time and ran the car into the fucking house in the middle of the night and we were both working shoot while she was watching her That's why she was watching her So of course I get a phone call she can't leave work and she's freaking out because her daughter was just in the car that just slammed into the house and did thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage So what happens This guy goes and rescues the child and keeps the child with him the entire rest of my work night until mom gets off work there's lots of reasons that this woman has loved me completely and tried so hard and there's lots of reasons why I've loved her as completely as I could and tried so hard and tried getting back on track now I used her in those kids and myself to get me back to a point where I could even start to function again after finding out I had cancer and not knowing how to tell her or anybody and what hurts the most is the fact that she just gave up and just blindsided me with all of this if I feel like and it kills me but this is what I had to do because of her putting all her walls up and just stonewalling me with everything and knowing the fact that even on her Facebook she chose to not put family photos of us for up there but to put every other photo of that entire time together on there even ones that she had taken separately with just her and her girls making it look like nobody else was there the entire time She just failed to include the you know few pictures she took all of us. Which are now deleted off her phone obviously cuz she deleted everything of us together She always does that She always does it just deletes them because she never had any good memories as a child so she has an inability to just keep that stuff because it's painful to her now for some reason even if it was a happy memory She doesn't like those happy memories cuz those are painful that they're not going to happen anymore so she just erases everything and gets rid of it because it's easier for her while I'm not that type of person I'm a sentimental person I keep everything So of course when she goes gets her mind off track whatever I start to be sweet and send her you know our pictures together and things because I know she's already done deleted them which gets her nine times out of 10 and gets her right back to where she needs to be and realizing that I'm there for her that I I want her I choose her and I choose to do this together well not this time She completely stonewalled me wouldn't even respond to me for days and it was literally out of the blue So I'm freaking out because I'm thinking she's going to go hurt herself which she's tried to do a few times and she just reapped on all her medication the last time she tried to hurt herself that's what had happened She took all of her medication and thank God nothing happened but now she had you know six new bottles of pills which would have done it so I was scared for her life honestly. So I was literally just freaking out day after day night after night and all while having to work at night now with this new job in the truck that I was freaking out because I couldn't see her in my passenger seat anymore and then I was seeing her and then I was worrying about her and I was concentrating more on her than I was even able to do my job like I said I had to give it up even though I sat there and prayed for her prayed for myself to pray to get the job and it was literally a blessing because they created the position for me they didn't need to fill a position they created it for me I've been doing this job for well over 10 years of my career and I'm damn good at it Just not right now and so for the last month after everything that I found out everything that it's been said This is what I had to do guys and I I can't regret it I can't feel any type of way about it but I've been pushing and pushing and pushing on purpose because I know she's not coming back no matter what That's the way she feels but once I stop trying to fight for the relationship to fight for her and fight for those kids I know she's going to start to feel the feelings of losing me and it's going to start getting into her head so I knew if I stopped talking to her that's what would happen and she would try to slide right back into my life a month later whenever however it would happen she would come back eventually and I'm not going to be in a new place in my life where I would allow her to do that I can't So what I did was I pushed on purpose not only because she made me promise to do it but because I knew it's what needed to happen because I needed my mental state to be better and it's not right now I'm a wreck right now because of this woman because of losing this woman cuz I honestly felt like she's the one person on this planet that I would never let go. So my life is just turned into a fucking wreck on a wreck on a wreck because of her vindictive nature her mean-spirited bullshit when she gets mad She doesn't not have a filter so she uses her daughter against me how's it feel no that you'll never see "her daughter" ever again trying to dig into my heart and just cause more pain This is the type of stuff she would say to me That would just break me down to nothing. I've literally been in tears since the breakup and before that because I I think I kind of knew it was coming but I was just so depressed that I couldn't do anything I would cry every night even a month before we were broken up I would cry every night just cuz I missed her I missed her being next to me but that was her own fault that was her own doing She lied put words in my roommate's mouth that were never there and she couldn't apologize She could not be an adult and apologize to him and then it would have been fine She would have been a loud back at the house She would been able to come see me but she just is not the adult that I thought she was or that she used to be before when we first got together and and I don't understand what happened I can't see where it all just went so terribly wrong except for her moving in with her family. It has been the greatest experience of my life loving this woman but at the same time in the end it has been so destructive so I had to make sure that she would never come back So for the last month I've been pestering her coming at her yelling at her calling her all these names in the book and just destroying anything she ever had for me because I won't let her back into my life I can't cuz I know if I do it will be the death of me so I'm choosing me over the love of my life. The woman that I have lived for for this past three fucking years of my life given everything to worked my ass off so I could fucking just keep going the next day to provide what I could for us as a family mind you have paid for everything every waking moment for the first year and a half of our lives because she didn't have a job She didn't work so I paid for everything and that's everything we needed for the baby as well. That couldn't get bought with food stamps. Literally drained every bit of funds that I had saved up everything Just took me for a rollercoaster ride through hell but I chose me I choose me now And hopefully the apartment that she was finding for us the one that she supposedly went to Once she supposedly is at now I hope her I wish her all the best but I had to sit here and destroy any chances of ever being with the woman that I still to this day want because I know she comes back crawling back I knew that I would take her back in a heartbeat and I just can't do it so I had to get it done and over with for me for her for everybody because I won't be hurt like that I won't be disrespected like that I won't be turned into a monster because she tears me down with her hateful little remarks and digs into my heart that are totally unnecessary when I'm being everything I can try to be and be sweet for her She literally anytime I would try to be sweet would turn it into something it's not telling me I'm manipulating her telling me I'm doing this I'm doing that well okay so that's what I'll do That's what I thought and that's exactly what I did If I'm the monster let me know cuz I feel like it honestly but I know it's for the best. To my little blue sundress princess, the love of my life I'm Sorry I had to do what I did sweetheart I'll always love you no matter what babe Just can't have you walk back into my life and and destroy everything that I build from here on out because I'll end up killing myself and I don't want that to happen so this is goodbye even though I know you'll never read this. Just know that I see you everywhere in every place I go there's memories that fled back to me everyday that are amazing or that are bad or that are just that their memories they will fade eventually hopefully but for now they are still too real for me to just forget like seems like you want to do by going out there and supposedly live in your best life faking it just to make it for the rest of the world being that strong independent woman with that attitude exactly even though I know you're sad inside I know you just buried those feelings All the love you had for me and you're lying to yourself but that's on you now I tried I really really tried to get you to understand that that's where we were headed was the life we wanted so sorry I asked you to choose me and love me for me instead of love me for what I had or didn't have. I'm sorry I needed to do this or even felt like I needed to do this cuz I will always love you no matter what, But now my life is going to be for me and for me only for its remainder because you gave up the fight and I ended it.

(I LIVE!! I have no idea what's hit me as hard as it did that Friday. But I needed Saturday to recover as well. Clearly wasn't the CPAP as that's working fine now. But good god is this unpleasant. Thankfully I'm clearly on the mend. I think I may have gotten food poisoning from KFC. Pity.)
~First~
Love and Longing
Little Fina’Noir and Dri’Noir still don’t like getting along all that much. So of course they need daddy between them to behave. They lay across his stomach, each out of reach of the other. For all that they ‘don’t’ get along, separating them is worse. They’re clearly best rivals already. They reach for each other and there are tiny puffs of sparks and little tongues of flame. But considering the soft and thin bed of moss on their daddy’s torso, it does nothing but make their little bits of bedding all the more comfortable.
Cia’Noir was visiting again, to be fair she visited so often she had almost moved in, and she was also currently mixing up a meaty broth in the kitchen while humming a nursery rhyme that most of the girls adored. Especially Uma’Noir and Jiti’Noir as they tried to keep tempo with it as grandma semi-swayed, semi-danced to the tune to their delight.
Ari’Noir, Mala’Noir, Gia’Noir and Lia’Noir were all having an extra nap. They had managed to get each other excited and rushing around as best they could earlier and wore themselves out. Leaving Miro’Noir the proud mother to luxuriate next to their shared napping blanket and pillows, casually reading a book.
“Oh? A call?” Vernon asks as his communicator starts buzzing. This grabs the attention of Fina and Dri as he pulls it out. “Observer Wu? Oh, the new ship.”
He activates it and then has the phone levitate away to give a broader look. “Sir, you’ll forgive me for not standing at attention I hope.”
“Yes.” The Asian man says after a moment. “We can excuse the lack of decorum considering that you seem to be thoroughly pinned.”
“What can I say? My little girls are fighters. I’ve heard some rumour about you through The Dark Forest. How may I help?”
“I am doing a preliminary call and evaluation of the situation with humanity off of Earth. We’ve found enough confusion information coming back to us that it necessitated the appointment and dispatching of an unquestionably trusted individual, myself, in order to ascertain exactly what is going on.” Observer Wu stated. “Unfortunately due to the sheer amount of nonsense that’s being sent towards The Inevitable and by extension, myself, I have been forced to place several administrators on duty to sort out the sheer number of calls I’m getting. The galaxy knows this is a second Dauntless Class Vessel, which means more humans.”
“Which means more men, and many women that decided to take a wait and see approach have likely decided that they’ve waited long enough.” Miro’Noir states.
“Indeed that is true madam. I take you are Lady Miro’Noir?”
“Princess, Lady is a more ennobled title. I am a Battle Princess, a military rank, directly empowered by and under the command of the Imperial Family of Serbow, in particular, The Empress.” Miro’Noir says and Observer Wu nods.
“And the third adult looking into this conversation?” Observer Wu asks.
“I am Cia’Noir, mother, mother-in-law and grandmother depending who in this room you are asking.” She says. “My little girl has worked a miracle in that she’s locked down a husband all to herself. So she needs a bit of a hand to caring for her first clutch, no sister wives to assist you see.”
“I believe I do. Still, I have been informed that Officer Shay and Princess Miro’Noir are largely responsible for the excellent relationships the Apuk have with humanity. If you would be so kind, could you tell me how that came about?”
“Oh... it was silly, sweet and wonderful all at the same time...” Miro’Noir gushes. “We met at a bar and I tried to get some attention, a few credits for a conversation. At first I thought he was a Tret.”
“The near human species, yes.”
“Well, I was proven wrong, not only human, but an INTERESTING human as well. A trinity of criminal fools attacked, and as I rose to show off, he did as well. And displayed a terrifying Axiom power.”
“Terrifying power?”
“Transmutation sir. A very complicated Axiom Technique I had stumbled on and managed to create my own version of. Basically I had bumbled into a way to rapidly learn a monumentally difficult trick and make it extremely lethal in human hands.” Vernon explains.
“I see. Are the notes of your research available on The Dauntless?’
“Yes sir they are, I hope you’ll forgive that... hey!” Vernon is cut off when Fina’Noir starts smacking his stomach. “Be nice little lady!”
“Bah! Bah! Bah bah!” Fina’Noir counters as she smacks him in the stomach again and again.
“Fina’Noir you must be nice with family!”
“Adabababa!” Dri’Noir adds in with a smack of her own to her daddy’s stomach.
“Dri’Noir! Don’t follow your sister’s bad example! Be nice!” Vernon chides her and a smiling Miro’Noir rises up after marking her place in her book and sweeps the more active little girls into her arms.
“There, have your talk with your officer now dear.” Miro’Noir says giving him a peck that he gestures for her to come back to and he gives her a longer kiss in return.
“I’ll be back shortly.” He promises before rising up. The communicator floats into his hand and he offers a salute to Cia’Noir who sends one right back. “I’ll be just in the back yard.”
A few moments and the door is closed behind him. The communicator floats out of his hands and he slips into parade ground ‘at ease’ stance. “Sir.”
“This is a preliminary communication. Not that formal. How well regarded are humans by the Apuk?”
“We have been invited to build a community on their homeworld sir. That kind of privilege is usually extended only to species that are sworn to each other in some way.” Vernon answers.
“That’s very interesting.”
“It was a very strategic move sir. The Empress... she’s one of those kinds of politicians where any action you take short of directly opposing them or attacking them is something they benefit from, and they also know how to handle someone directly opposing or attacking them. She’s friendly and benevolent, but when you realize just how many of her strings you’re dancing on... it’s disquieting.”
“I see, so how did setting up a human community on Serbow help?”
“She requested a specific type to explore the human ease at learning Apuk Sorcery. She did this to not only develop a large number of sorcerers that are more mentally stable than most, but to get ahead of the next few sorcerers, put her in well with humanity, distract the more troublesome nobility and likely more. That was one action. One.”
“Ah... one of those types. Is she scrambling to get things done or does it all seem effortless?”
“Effortless.”
“... Frightening.”
“She’s been directly ruling an entire species for multiple centuries. Even if she was originally installed as a puppet of some kind, which she was not, then she would have had enough time to gain all the skills she needs to be an unstoppable force in the political side of things.”
“I see, anything else?”
“You’ll need some context for this. You are aware that Apuk are naturally inclined to breathe fire using Axiom right?”
“I am.”
“Those trained to use it properly manifest Warfire, it’s... hard to describe. A fire where the heat lingers and pervades much more than normal. It’s like the fire contains their aggression.”
“I see, what of it?”
“There are four grades of Warfire easily distinguished by colour. Red is standard, Blue is considered an expert level, Green is the sheer strength of Battle Princesses only, but the final level is White Warfire, and only The Empress can manifest it at will.”
“I see.” Observer Wu states and Vernon shakes his head.
“Sir, Red Warfire can burn a hole into a starship over the course of a few minutes. It takes a single minute or less for Blue Warfire to do the same. A mere moment for Green Warfire and is so instantaneous for White Warfire it would cause an explosion as the solid metal is converted into a gas instantly.” Vernon explains.
“Really? They’re that dangerous?”
“Sir, it’s legally a form of suicide to attempt to fight a Battle Princess with odds any less than five to one.” Vernon says and Observer Wu looks impressed.
“I see, and your involvement with their cultural traditions and such?”
“Well, first was the Broken Shell Tournament. A large martial contest with six person free for all fights. The aim is to break the armour or ‘shell’ of all your opponents, not kill them or force them out of the ring. I made it to the final round before I grew upset at one of my opponents, locked her down entirely, and then broke my own armour and walked out. More or less ruining the woman’s reputation and social standing while imprinting myself into the cultural zeitgeist.”
“What happened to the woman in question?”
“She joined a monastery and after achieving journeyman status I offered her a recommendation into The Undaunted as compensation. She’s taken it from my understanding, but as you can imagine, she and I are not on good terms. Or really speaking terms.”
“I see, and the community that has been built?”
“It... kinda ties into our initial journey through Cruel Space.” Vernon says somewhat ruefully. “A lot of us played all kinds of pranks and jokes and things like that to try and stave off the boredom and cabin fever. One of which was banding around a soldier who has ninjas in his ancestry and... pretending to be his legion of ninjas.”
“... The people that took part in that are mostly in the community aren’t they?”
“Yes sir, we’ve built a hidden ninja village in The Dark Forest of Serbow. A massive communal entity that is simultaneously a single mind and the mind of every single thing in the forest.”
“A communal entity? Wait, you said everything in the forest. Does that include the men currently inside it?”
“And me right now. Think of my like a brain-cell to a larger body if you must. While I cannot ignore the needs of the rest of the body, I can also guide it, learn from it, and it’s strength is mine as my knowledge and skills belong to it.”
“And it’s not a security breach?”
“I’m able to keep secrets from it, but what I share with it stays with it. It has however flash taught me the local language of Cinder Tongue, as well as Classical and even Ancient Cinder Tongue. I know the Apuk language and much of their history better than some dedicated historians. Couple that with the extreme area control and tactical advantages of being bonded to the forest and it’s been regarded as a more than fair trade.”
“Area control?”
“The Dark Forest as an entity can absorb heat and grow stronger. I can cause a temporary extension of this ally to appear wherever I am. And considering lasers and plasma are the most commonly used forms of weaponry and Apuk Warfire, it’s a nearly perfect defence. Couple that with just how much it understands about Axiom use towards animals, plants and the earth itself and I can shatter the ground under me with a blink and refuse any solid ground to stand on to my enemies as well. Add on Woodwalking and I am untouchable to my enemies.”
“Woodwalking?”
“The Forest is alive and on my side. I carry a whisper of it within me wherever I go. The Forest can call me back to any extension of itself at any time. Meaning I can in effect always retreat to a safe location no matter the distance, access the supplies I have stored there no matter where I am, and have backup by my side at any moment. Facing a Dark Forest Sorcerer is such a tactical nightmare that we’re considered direct counters to Apuk Battle Princesses, which may I remind you, are legally suicide to fight one to one.” Vernon says. “To say nothing of the other Sorcerers. The Dreadmoss, The Blood Bark The Burning Stone, The Bonechewer, The City Shaker, The Leviathan Lord. Or my own title, The Bloody Prophet.”
“You’re The Bloody Prophet?”
“I recreated the Plagues of Egypt to stop feuding families from slaughtering each other. I am the only Sorcerer who’s title wasn’t earned with a body count. Even if only by a technicality.”
“A technicality?”
“Dare’Char Crushclaw is the Lydris born son of Brin’Char The Bonechewer. He assisted in one of his father’s rampages against his hated enemy by providing transport. While Dare’Char didn’t kill anyone directly, he still enabled his father in that regard.”
“So those nicknames are for supernatural serial killers?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“Please explain then.”
“It’s rather hard to, until I became the first human sorcerer, all sorcerers were the result of an Apuk boy or man being pushed to the breaking point. They then flee in the night and find solace in the shadow of The Dark Forest, it bonds with them, protects them and teaches them. But it also reminds them of what drove them to the forest to begin with. Which means that in a few short years, the former victim returns from The Dark Forest, immensly powerful and filled with unthinking rage. Until humans were on the scene, all sorcerers went on at least one rampage and earned their nicknames from them. Since we showed up... there were only two... technically three. One was Brin’Char finding his ancient enemy still alive, so he was set off. Another was when Cals’Tarn joined us, his home was under attack and we counterattacked for him. Saving his home and family. Then there was mine, but no casualties, does it really count as a rampage?”
“I would say bringing the literal wrath of god onto someone would count as a rampage, yes.” Observer Wu states. “I think we will be speaking face to face in short order. It’s quite clear that you are responsible for some fairly major changes.”
“I look forward to it, is there anything else?”
“Not at this time.”
“Good, because I’d like to get back to my wife.”
“You’ve only been apart for...” Observer Wu checks his watch. “Four minutes.”
“Five minutes too many. If you’ll excuse me.”
“You are excused.” Observer Wu says and he turns off the communicator.
~First~ Last

Hi all,
I have until April 2025 to pay off $45k credit card debt. If I don't pay it off by April 2025, it starts accruing interest. The debt is spread pretty evenly across two cards and the rates that would kick in are 20.99% and 23.24%. I don't know where to get started and it is giving me extreme anxiety because $45k of credit card debt seems daunting.
Here are the numbers:

• Income: $250k base with $50k-$100k bonus.
• Income after taxes, 401k, benefits, etc: $11,500/month
• Housing (all-in, incl. mortgage, tax, insurance, HOA, etc.): $6,500/month
• Water: $25-$50/month
• Gas: $25-$50/month
• Electricity: $50-$100/month
• Internet: $135/month
• Phone (covered by employer): $0/month
• UbeLyft: $100-200/month
• Pet Insurance: $150/month
• Food - Groceries: $250-$500/month
• Food - Restaurants/Delivery: $500-$1000/month
• Hair: $200-$250/month
• Dog Grooming: $75-100/month
• Dog Food/Treats/Toys: $200-$300/month
• Dog Daycare/Walking/Sitting: $250-$500+/month

Please keep in mind that these numbers are averages for the last year. Because I travel relatively often, they tend to fluctuate. For some items like my hair and dog grooming, it it not on a monthly basis, more like every 6-8 weeks depending, so I averaged the costs on a monthly basis to make it easier. Also, I am aware that my housing costs far exceed the 50/30/20 rule but that is a story for another day and that is a fixed cost that I absolutely cannot change.
Based on the numbers themselves, it looks like I should have enough leftover each month to pay off at least a big chunk of it, but I don't usually actually end up having what I should have leftover at the end of the month. It is usually $1,000-$1,500.
Here are the options I see:

1. Try to save as much as I can in a HYSA and when Feb/March 2025 rolls around, I pay off what I have saved (likely $12k-$18k) and then try to get a balance transfer to another card with 0% interest offer? I'm still getting those offers for my existing cards as well as offers to open new cards with 0%. The length of the 0% for those offers seem to be anywhere from 12-18 months but have a 3-5% transfer fee.
2. Try to get a personal loan. I'm getting offers for personal loans at 7% interest.
3. Reduce my 401k contributions until I pay it off because that would free up a huge chunk of change. However, that would mean that I would only really be getting $13k more vs. $23k because of the increased tax liability.

I'm very reluctant to cash out my retirement/investment accounts to cover this.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Please let me know if I've missed anything in terms of numbers or other options to deal with this.
**Edited to add: The credit card debt is due to a one-off situation and not because of regular, everyday spending.**

This is the story of Gavicus XXIX, the leader of the Aurean Dominate at the beginning of my book series. The Aurean Dominate is a declining empire centered around the Planet Aurea and a few pieces of the surrounding worlds. Despite this, the Aurean Dominate still remains one of the four great powers in the South Nebula, competing with the Haxamanian Empire over its southern and eastern worlds. The north is dominated by the Ishga Empire and the west is controlled by the mysterious and brand-new Tatiians. Minor powers include the Kingdom of Arturia, the Aztlanian Empire, the numerous Atlantean states, and the Kingdom of Vigam. Was Gavicus XXIX a good ruler in your opinion? Why or why not?
INFO ABOUT GAVICUS XXIX:
Gavicus XXIX was a Guant born somewhere in Occidens on Aurea 65 years before the end of Book 1. Not much is known about his early life, but it is known that Gavicus XXIX's birth name was Galerius Decimus Tranio and that he spent most of his young adulthood serving in the army during the war against Beyin Epivoulos and his criminal empire. He eventually became a Senator representing an area of rural Occidens, and after a few terms in the Aurean Senate, was chosen to become the Consigliere of Dominus Theodosius IV after the former Consigliere was ousted in the aftermath of the Great Nicopolitan Scandal. His tenure as Consigliere was short, however, as Theodosius IV died of the Blood Bleaching less than a year later. Galerius ascended the throne in Theodosius's place, and took the name Gavicus XXIX upon doing so. He was 47 years old at the time.
Gavicus inherited a bureaucracy that had just been stripped of the vast majority of its talent, as many of the best officials that had served under Theodosius had been implicated in the Great Nicopolitan Scandal and thus were barred from future office. Syagrios Komnenos, the Exarch of Tifinagh under Theodosius who had helped defeat Majorian IX when he tried to use Tifinagh as a base to usurp the throne, was replaced by Marcus Septimius Massgaba. Massgaba was an incompetent wealthy landowner who had bought his way into the Aurean Senate and would go on to spend his tenure as Exarch raising taxes like a maniac, triggering several small revolts, needlessly prolonging the war with the Haxamanians through his impatience and battlefield incompetence, and dying pathetically in the Battle of Tasfahn. Nassenia Montana, the highly capable Magistra Milita that had served under Theodosius IV was replaced by Gaius Caesonius Theodosius (no relation to Theodosius IV), a somewhat competent general who would go on to serve Gavicus well in the wars in Amorica but utterly fail him in the Battle of Tasfahn. For his Consigliere (2nd-in-command/heir in case of his resignation or death), Gavicus chose Tiverios Theodosiopoulos, the most capable of Theodosius IV's sons, who by this time was serving in the army and Senate as a Legate (Senator in command of a legion). As Gavicus was often away on campaign, Tiverios would go on to amass plenty of political clout and power for himself, as he is who Gavicus always left in charge of governance while out of the capital.
Almost immediately after ascending the throne, Gavicus was forced to deal with a crisis. In Lapum, a working-class satellite city of Aurea's largest city Nicopolis, an ethnic Tangolian civilian named Arslan Yi'it was murdered by Aurean legionaries stationed in the city, causing four days of ethnic violence and chaos known as the Lapum Riots. Large portions of the city were burned and looted. Gavicus personally led a legion into the city to quell the uprising, doing so with only 50 civilian deaths and a few hundred injuries, but this did little to quell the underlying ethnic tensions in the city and elsewhere in Aurea. Despite Gavicus's best attempts to invest in Lapum in the years following the violence, much of Lapum's terrified, ethnically Aurean and Centralian upper and middle class fled the city for Nicopolis and elsewhere, resulting in the beginnings of the urban decay the city is known for today.
Additionally and most importantly, Gavicus had inherited the war with the Haxamanian Empire that had cost the Aureans almost all of their territories on the Planet Awal. Only Tifinagh's islands and a small scrap of the mainland Theodosius IV reconquered just before his death remained under Aurean control. Immediately after dealing with the Lapum Riots, Gavicus traveled to Tifinagh, hoping to cement his legitimacy by reconquering the rest of Tifinagh. Due to the Haxamanians' attention largely being focused elsewhere, Gavicus and Massgaba managed to get significantly further than Theodosius IV did, marching east along mainland Tifinagh's northern coast to little resistance. A small Haxamanian force that tried to stop them outside the city of Dymox was easily defeated, and they took Chera, one of the largest cities on Tifinagh's mainland, with no resistance. However, the city had been emptied by the Haxamanians of its food, its civilians, its water, and its supplies. Immediately knowing this was a trap, Gavicus sent for reinforcements, naval resupply, and a fleet from Carthadasta, Tifinagh's capital. Too impatient to wait for supplies, Massgaba disobeyed Gavicus's orders to stay put and led small bands of cavalry to plunder what they could from the local countryside.
While on one of these raids, they clashed with a small band of Imazi cavalry, previously Aurean subjects who'd switched sides to the Haxamanians after the latter captured their land. The Aureans were victorious and managed to capture some, learning from them that the Haxamanians were amassing a massive army nearby, led personally by the Haxamanian Shahanshah (King of Kings) Bahram VII and his Spahbed (top general) Bacha Hilazai. Only a day later, a Haxamanian fleet appeared from the northwest and parked itself in Chera Bay, blocking reinforcements from reaching the city. However, just as according to Gavicus's plan, the Aurean fleet arrived soon after and defeated it, allowing the simultaneously arriving food and supplies to enter the city. Having lost their advantage in a siege, the Haxamanians instead opted to meet the Aureans in open battle, choosing a nearby site at the edge of the Imazi Desert. Gaius Caesonius Theodosius, who had arrived with the reinforcements, along with Gavicus and Massgaba, led the Aureans to a resounding victory, killing or capturing half the Haxamanian force and routing the rest. The victory at the Battle of the Imazi Desert allowed the Aureans to march much further into mainland Tifinagh, recapturing essentially the entire western half of the Exarchate. Meanwhile, Bahram and Bacha retreated to the fortified port of Vasanos to lick their wounds and await reinforcements. Hoping to return to governance, Gavicus left the situation on Awal to Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Massgaba for the time being and returned to Aurea proper.
In his early reign, Gavicus focused primarily on strengthening trade relations with the Ishgas, but was soon forced to shift his attention elsewhere. 4 years into his reign, the galactic warlord Tate released a magical cataclysm known as the Iteru Genocide on Iteru, a moon of the Planet Awal with close relations to the Aurean Dominate, as it was a former Aurean possession. With Iteru's Pharaoh Nuterhek, a close personal friend of Gavicus, begging him for help, Gavicus provided what rice and wheat the Aurean Dominate could spare to help with the associated famine. While it wasn't enough to save Iteru, the food aid bought many of Iteru's people the time they needed to flee the doomed moon. Despite the Aurean Dominate's extremely isolationist policies for the past few centuries, Gavicus made an agreement with Nuterhek to resettle some Iteru refugees on Aurea, angering many hardliners in the Aurean Senate. The decision was only able to pass the Aurean Senate when Gavicus agreed to cap the total number of migrants at 60,000 and restrict Iteru settlement to the cities of Astras and Olinthaseia. Most consequential of these arrivals was Taftenkhamun, Nuterhek's 10-year-old son and heir to Iteru's throne, whom Gavicus agreed with Nuterhek to adopt as a son. Despite Gavicus's efforts, however, the Iteru Genocide killed or forced into exile all sentient life on Iteru, taking the life of his friend Nuterhek as well, who chose to die with his people rather than flee to Aurea. Gavicus would live with the guilt of not doing more to help Iteru for the rest of his life.
Gavicus would raise Taftenkhamun, much better known by his Aurean name of Taftus, as the son he never had. He allowed Taftus to live with him in the Palace of the Domini, continued his education, and did his best to balance spending time with him and showing him love and affection with the duties of being the Aurean Dominus. Despite Gavicus trying to push Taftus into going into politics like he did, Taftus was far more interested in the military, and enlisted in the Aurean legions at 17, as soon as he became of age.
After a year of scheming to turn the tide of the war, Bahram sent Bacha undercover to the rebellious Aurean Province of Tangolia, tasked with fomenting a rebellion so they could use the province as a springboard to attack Aurea proper. Many Tangolians, particularly the Otrar and Gazan Tangolians, both felt mistreatment under Aurean rule and had more in common culturally with the Haxamanians than the Aureans, and many flocked to join the revolt, which quickly took control of the north and center of the province. Qajeer, the Tangolian Khan loyal to the Aureans, fought off several attempts by the rebels to capture Tengribalik, the Tangolian Capital. However, once the Haxamanians arrived, led by Bacha Hilazai, their combined strength was too much for Qajeer to deal with and he was forced to abandon the city to the rebels and Haxamanians, fleeing to Tangolia's eastern seaboard, an area much more loyal to the Aureans. With Gaius Caesonius Theodosius tied down in Tifinagh and not trusting Massgaba to defend the Exarchate on his own, Gavicus was forced to rely on what was left of Qajeer's force, border guard units, and regional commanders to stop the ensuing Haxamanian-Tangolian invasion of Argentolia, the Aurean heartland. The border guard units proved to be little more than a speed bump for the combined Haxamanian-Tangolian force, which easily broke through the border wall and crossed the Hsia River, invading Argentolia. As most of eastern Argentolia's regional commanders with any actual talent had been implicated in the Great Nicopolitan Scandal under Gavicus's predecessor and thus were no longer in command, almost all of them were fairly new recruits with little experience leading troops, resulting in disaster after disaster. Daion was the first city to fall to the Haxamanian-Tangolian force, which then followed that up by defeating an Aurean field army near Cannoria. Within three months, both Cannoria and Ferum, the latter being one of the largest and most important cities in the Aurean Dominate, would be in enemy hands. Over the following six months, poorly led field army after poorly led field army would fall to the invaders, with the major cities of Eresus, Cercapese, Ager Capulum, and Sacrini all falling within the next year. For the first time since the Aurean Dominate's founding, the capital of Astras was within striking distance.
Under immense pressure from the Aurean Senate and general public, Gavicus finally recalled Gaius Caesonius Theodosius from Tifinagh after Sacrini fell, as the enemy was nearing Astras, thought for millennia to be untouchable. By the time Gaius Caesonius Theodosius had arrived, the Haxamanian-Tangolian force had seized Artegion, on the doorstep of Astras, and with it, a fleet. With the combined arms of their massive land force and this fleet, the Haxamanian-Tangolian force laid siege to Astras, with Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Gavicus leading the defense of the city. The city's massive, three-layered walls, combined with its easily defensible location on the sea with only a few land entrances, allowed the Aureans to repel the invaders, marking a turning point in the war. While the Haxamanians under Bacha Hilazai simply sailed back to Awal, the Tangolians, with no such option and trapped thousands of miles deep in Aurean territory, would be dealt with piecemeal over the next three years. Around the same time, Qajeer had managed to reverse his fortunes in Tangolia and recapture Tengribalik and much of the province's center.
By year 6 of Gavicus's reign, the situation with the Tangolians was under enough control for Gavicus to return his military attention to Awal. While Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Gavicus had been busy fighting off Bacha Hilazai and the Tangolians, Massgaba had lost some ground to Bahram VII in Tifinagh, having been pushed back to the city of Thubiscurum. Taking advantage of low Haxamanian morale after the failed Siege of Astras, the Aureans were able to push the Haxamanians out of Tifinagh entirely when Gavicus and Gaius Caesonius Theodosius returned, restoring the Aurean Exarchate of Tifinagh to full Aurean control for the first time in decades. Other lost Aurean Exarchates in the area - Kilikia, Meroe, Adua, and the Imazi Tribal Lands - were restored to Aurean hands over the next six years, putting the Haxamanians decisively on the back foot. During this time, Bacha Hilazai was killed at the Battle of Taoudenni, greatly weakening the Haxamanians and lowering their morale.
Relations with the Kingdom of Arturia were fraught, with conflict erupting 7 years into Gavicus's reign over the Aurean Exarchate of Amorica, an isolated Aurean territory on the Planet Arturia that the Kingdom of Arturia continued to claim. Paradoxically, these tensions began when Arturia's king, King Arturius, traveled to Aurea to meet with Gavicus to negotiate an end to their millennia-long conflict. While Gavicus was personally in favor of a deal, King Arturius refused to relinquish his claim on Amorica, leading to the Aurean Senate rejecting the deal and forcing Gavicus to continue the conflict. Additionally angering the Aurean Senate, Gavicus made the mistake of insisting that he meet with Arturius in Astras rather than on Arturia. Despite Gavicus's attempt to pitch it as a beginning of the end of Aurea's centuries of isolationism that even many Aureans were starting to regard as self destructive, this was seen as a bridge too far for most. During the failed negotiations, Gavicus briefly met Pompeia, a young disciple of King Arturius who would become of note much later. In order to make up his lost standing in the Aurean Senate, Gavicus was forced to escalate the situation in Arturia immediately after the negotiations broke down, distracting King Arturius with a vacation in Astras while he ordered a massive invasion force to land in Amorica and seize as much Arturian land as possible.
Exceeding even Gavicus's expectations, this force managed to break through the Arturian Alps and put Caerbannog, the Kingdom of Arturia's capital, under siege. Upon his return, however, Arturius managed to break the siege despite being taken completely by surprise, and defeated the Aureans in several battles, pushing them all the way back into Amorica. Eventually, Arturius, livid at Gavicus's betrayal, managed to invade into Amorica itself and fought the Aureans, led personally by Gavicus as he had traveled there by this point, to a stalemate at the Battle of Caerwent. While Gavicus still had enough resources to continue prosecuting the war, he felt that this particular episode proved there was no reason to continue the constant skirmishes with Arturia, and accepted an offer to negotiate peace terms with Arturius again, this time in Amorica.
The ensuing peace deal returned Aurea's and Arturia's borders to status quo antebellum, although Arturius was not happy about Aurea retaining Amorica. However, Aurea had to bite the bullet and recognize the Kingdom of Arturia's independence and normalize relations, as all of Aurea's previous Domini had refused to do this despite it having been fait accompli for millennia at this point. Aurea had previously seen the entire Kingdom of Arturia as little more than a rogue province that had somehow managed to slip from its control long ago. Aurea paid Arturia a hefty war indemnity, but this was paltry compared to the money that new trade relations between Arturia and Aurea brought in for both nations. Although recognizing Arturia's independence was not popular on Aurea at first, Gavicus was able to sell it based on the fact that he had retained Amorica, held the peace negotiations off-planet this time, and most importantly because of all the money that new trade relations with Arturia brought in, as Arturia sat along a key trade route linking Aurea more closely with the wealthy and technologically advanced Ishgas far beyond. This allowed Gavicus to hold lavish games, as well as expand Aurea's existing food dole for the poor to include protoceratops and psittacosaurus meat in addition to wheat, olive oil, rice, pork, and chicken. His popularity spiked, and in the tenth year of his reign, he would go on to sail to reelection against Qajeer Khan, winning 55% of the vote nationwide.
In the ninth year of Gavicus's reign, the last holdouts of the Tangolian revolt had been put down by Qajeer. Qajeer had his uncle Jamukha, who had led the revolt, strangled for doing so. However, Qajeer had his own reasons for helping crush the revolt instead of participating in it himself. While he secretly loathed the Aureans and the way they treated his people, Qajeer instead chose to bide his time, gaining the Aureans' trust and building a robust local power base while he waited for his own opening to revolt. For the entire rest of his life, Gavicus would be none the wiser. Qajeer would eventually revolt under Gavicus's successor, resulting in a multi-year civil war that would leave the already exhausted Aurean Dominate open to the machinations of Tate soon after.
Gavicus tried his best to manage the Blood Bleaching pandemic that circulated on Aurea during the first few years of his reign, but little could be done to spare Aurea from the destruction of that disease, and like most of the rest of the galaxy, Aurea lost a substantial chunk of its population. Thanks largely to Gavicus's enforcement of strict social distancing throughout its duration, however, the Blood Bleaching killed far less of the population on Aurea than it did on the hardest-hit worlds of Arturia and Iteru, each of which lost half or more of their pre-pandemic populations. In total, it is estimated around 10-15% of the Aurean Dominate's pre-pandemic population was killed by the Blood Bleaching, compared to around 50% on Arturia and a whopping 70% on Iteru. Even Aurea's relatively small loss was not without its consequences, however, as this caused a decline in tax revenue for years and a noticeable strain on the military's recruitment pool.
In the first four years after his reelection, Gaius Caesonius Theodosius managed to reconquer all of the lost Exarchates on Awal the Haxamanians had taken from the Aureans during Theodosius IV's reign. Nova Aurea, Caria, and finally Carmania were all finally returned to the Aurean Dominate after decades of Haxamanian occupation, and Gavicus's popularity soared as a result.
Despite having recognized Arturia's independence earlier, 14 years into Gavicus's reign, tensions flared up with Arturia again Amorica again. An Arturian garrison had left a border fort in the Arturian Alps briefly undefended, and a small Aurean force seized it without orders, prompting a small-scale war between Aurea and Arturia. This conflict was over in about two months, with the Kingdom of Arturia suing for peace after the Aureans seized a few more border forts and badly defeated an Arturian field army at the Battle of Allt-Gollau. At the negotiating table, Gavicus agreed to return the border between the Aurean Exarchate of Amorica and the Kingdom of Arturia to status quo antebellum in exchange for the freeing of 500 Aurean hostages Arturia took during the fighting and the Aureans who seized the initial border fort without orders were put on trial. Most notable about this conflict was the brilliance of an Aurean cavalry commander named Gorgo Gualtera at the Battle of Allt-Gollau, resulting in her catching Gavicus's eye. Gavicus promoted her to Exarch of Amorica, giving her full military and civilian control of the territory. Unbeknownst to Gavicus or anyone else, however, Gorgo was both the daughter of the dead Aurean crimelord Beyin Epivoulos (the crimelord whose forces Gavicus had fought in his youth), as well as a deep cover agent for Tate (the architect of the Iteru Genocide and many other atrocities across the galaxy).
The next year, the Haxamanian Empire was engulfed in a civil war, and Gavicus saw the perfect opportunity to strike at the Haxamanian Capital while the area was engulfed in turmoil, finally ending the decades-long war or maybe even conquering the Haxamanians completely in the process. However, things did not at all go according to plan, and all the armies he brought with him got destroyed by the forces of Rukhsana I Shahanzai, a disaffected member of the Haxamanian royal family who had escaped from prison, gotten an army together, annihilated the Aureans in the disastrous Battle of Tasfahn, and took the Haxamanian throne for herself. Several Aurean generals and other military leaders, including Massgaba, were killed, and Gavicus barely escaped the battle with his life. The Aureans had no forces left on Awal after this to protect their holdings there. On the other hand, Taftus, who was also present during the campaign, became a national hero when he used his tactical prowess to save the troops under his command from annihilation by a Haxamanian ambush deep in the mountains.
In the aftermath, Gavicus was forced to enter into peace negotiations. At first, Rukhsana demanded the Aureans cede all their lands on Awal to the Haxamanians, which Gavicus flatly refused (The Exarchate of Tifinagh on Awal was one of Aurea's most valuable regions and ceding it to the Haxamanians would have meant an end to the grain dole and mass starvation across Aurea). Eventually, a deal was reached in which the Aureans would cede all their lands on Awal except the Exarchate of Tifinagh to the Haxamanians, and the Aureans would have to pay a huge war indemnity to the Haxamanians as well. The Aurean Exarchates of Nova Aurea, Kilikia, Meroe, Adua, the Imazi Tribal Lands, Carmania, and Caria were all permanently handed over to the Haxamanians, essentially rendering all of Gavicus's reconquests except those in Tifinagh moot. This was formalized in the humiliating Treaty of Mingora, which Gavicus was forced to sign.
Gavicus's popularity took a nosedive in the aftermath of this event, and he dedicated the rest of his reign to domestic policy, commissioning public works projects, throwing lavish games, and beginning by far his most important legacy: he decided that to keep up with the rest of the galaxy, Aurea needed to end its isolationism and industrialize along the Ishga model. He decided that Aurea's largest city, Nicopolis, would be a good place to test industrialization, and he hired Ishga scientists, architects, engineers, and developers to transform Nicopolis into a modern city. While Gavicus's popularity would never recover to the heights it was at after his victory over the Arturians, this was enough to keep him from being assassinated (at least for a while).
For the rest of Gavicus's life, Taftus would alternate between his extremely promising military career and a middling-to-poor one as an elected politician, helping Gavicus with some of his later projects such as industrialization but turning out to be too scandal-ridden and debauched to be the protege Gavicus wanted. For all his military talent, Taftus had a reputation for extreme abrasiveness and anger issues, and it seemed every other week there was another rumor going around about Taftus having massive orgies involving female politicians and/or prostitutes. While Gavicus would never fully disown Taftus, he had largely abandoned him as a protege by the end of his reign, assigning him military command of the backwater province of Tiorangi where he didn't have to pay much attention to him. The year before Gavicus died, he made Gorgo Gualtera his Magister Equitum, supreme commander of all cavalry forces in the Aurean Dominate after the previous officeholder died suddenly of a stroke. While Gavicus had no way of knowing this at the time, this decision would eventually result in both his own death and Aurea being pulled into the galaxy's broader confrontation with Tate years later that would result in the bloodiest war in galactic history.
Towards the end of his life, Gavicus befriended Pompeia, a young woman of mixed Aurean and Tangolian heritage who had spent much of her life on the Planet Arturia before returning to Aurea by accident. She rose to superstardom as a gladiator, having trained in magic under King Arturius, utilizing magic in combat in ways that hadn't been seen in millennia. He was both shocked and intrigued by Pomepeia's friendship and past brief romantic involvement with Rukhsana I Shahanzai of the Haxamanian Empire. Gavicus saw great potential in Pompeia and reinstated her Aurean citizenship, even allowing her to serve as his Consigliere after Tiverios was indicted on corruption charges. However, there was some tension between the two, as Pompeia was from Lapum, had witnessed the Lapum Riots as a child, and was critical of Gavicus's failure to address the longstanding discrimination against Tangolians that led to them. Less than a year later, Gavicus was assassinated under mysterious circumstances (it would later be discovered that Gorgo Gualtera arranged his murder and covered it up so well that no one even suspected her until she would eventually reveal her true intentions years later), and Pompeia ascended the throne as the first female Dominus (Domina) in history. Gavicus's body was cremated after his death and his urn was placed in the Mausoleum of the Domini in Astras. Decades of constant conflict with the Haxamanians, both under Gavicus and his predecessor Theodosius IV, as well as civil conflict, multiple Tangolian revolts, the Hoc Nostrum conflict, and the Amorican Wars with Arturia would leave Pompeia with an exhausted Aurean Dominate, bereft of manpower, resources, money, and talent that would be completely unprepared to deal with Tate and his machinations only a few years after Gavicus's death.

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.

The barrowlands were a vast expanse, unforgiving and empty. Hills undulated and rolled, carved by the winds and time and the hands of the First Men. Dust that had once been kings’ bones sat in the thousands of slopes that defined the landscape, their blatant artificiality only occasionally marred by collapses and uncontrolled treelines.
It was in one of these barrows that the Locke party had taken shelter. The edges of a spring storm had reached them, darkening the sky before its time and blanketing the land with misty rain.
The barrow was unmarked to their eyes, any runes long since worn away by time. Even Valena did not know to whom the tomb had belonged, and to Harwin’s mind, that meant nobody knew. Now, night had fallen in truth, and a small cookfire crackled fitfully, smoke curling out of the doorframe to be lost in the mist. Their meal was strips of salted venison, the finest gift of the Manderlys’ court, and a small celebration that they had set out on their way.
They had spent two weeks in White Harbour, in the end, and the memory left him glad to be free. Bella Woolfield was a busy woman, distracted and superior in equal measures. Harwin had felt exposed, especially when their hosts toasted the memory of Lord Barthogan and Marlon Locke.
Sylas sat against the far side of the dark barrow, eyes straining at that book he had brought from Oldcastle. He’d so far evaded any questions about it, and the well-worn leather binding gave little clue. The space was crowded by the rest of their retinue, quiet men intent on their food, tired from a day’s travel and disheartened by the weather. Only Valena seemed energised, scanning the roof of the barrow, a sketchbook open on her knees, charcoal staining her fingers as she scraped it across the pages.
“What are you drawing?” Harwin asked, finding her easiest to engage with. The question drew several pairs of eyes. Only three of their number weren’t present. Frenken was out checking on the horses, Jorah had insisted on standing guard, and Benjicot had not yet returned.
“Ceiling,” Valena said, pointing. “See how the way the stones are stacked makes an alternating pattern? Sort of back and forth here by the entrance? Spiralling in the burial chamber?”
Harwin nodded, though in truth it took him a moment to parse what she meant.
“That allows them to stack into an arch without mortar. The weight of the soil on top keeps everything tight, and it’ll more or less stand forever.”
“Why not build castles like that?”
“Because–” Valena flicked the stick of charcoal in that way that meant she had caught herself before giving an inadequate answer. She took a moment.
“They did build fortifications. I guess you wouldn’t call them castles, and honestly this all depends on which maester you read. In any case, though, it doesn’t scale. You couldn’t build something the size of the Wolf’s Den or Oldcastle like this.”
Harwin nodded. There was a fragility in expansion, he knew. He had seen some small glimpse of it in the pulls on Bella Woolfield’s time. So many things that could go wrong. It didn’t discourage him as much as it probably should have.
“Who goes there?” came a voice. In the muffling of the wind and the barrow, it took a moment for Harwin to identify Jorah. The voice that answered was too far away for Harwin to make out the words, but he knew its sound. He was on his feet before he knew it, striding out of the ancient tomb.
“Benji!” he called, grinning unexpectedly. The soaked knight smiled in return. One hand held the reins of his horse, the other rose in greeting. Harwin ran in, clasping a hand to Ser Benjicot’s shoulder.
“My lord, it’s good to see you again,” Benji said.
“And you - I was worried you would pass us by, in truth.” Harwin took the reins from him, and Benjicot hesitated only slightly at the unexpected courtesy.
“I did,” he admitted. “I passed by here, oh, four hours ago, when the storm was worse. I figured I must’ve missed you and turned back.”
“Glad you did, ser.” Harwin brought the horse over to the others, and thanked Frenken when he took a blanket from one of the carriages, throwing it over Benji’s steed and tying it down.
“How was your visit to White Harbour?” Benjicot asked, wiping the rain from his brow uselessly.
“Uneventful, in truth. We didn’t mean to stay so long, but the Woolfield-Manderlys were having a feast to celebrate a nameday. Insisted we stay.”
“Sounds luxurious, my lord.”
Harwin shrugged. “If I ever eat another lamprey pie, it will be too soon.”
Benjicot chuckled, and then made a little oh noise at the back of his throat, and fumbled for the saddlebags of his horse. “That reminds me, my lord. I have something you may enjoy, hold one moment-” Whatever he sought had been packed low, but eventually Benjicot pulled out a small satchel, opening it to reveal what initially seemed like so many mottled bones.
“King crab legs. Salted, from Sweetsister. Care to try one?”
He handed the leg over, and Harwin followed his lead as he split the shell with a press of his thumbs, pulling the pale meat out from within with his teeth. The meat was softer than he expected, sweetness mixing with the salt of its preservation. He made a satisfied grunt as he swallowed.
“Gods, that is good. Sweetsister, you said?”
“Aye, my lord.”
“I must visit some day. Is everything there that delicious?”
Benji chuckled. “I couldn’t say, honestly.”
“And this,” Harwin gestured to the food as Benjicot stowed it again, “should I take it as an indication your visit also went well?”
“I believe so, my lord.” Benjicot pulled a different, familiar satchel from the saddlebag, and gestured ahead of them in a question, shall we step out of earshot for this part? Harwin nodded, and they began walking in a wide orbit around the barrow. Harwin blinked into the mist, trying to clear the rain from his lashes to no avail. Benjicot took a moment before he spoke again.
“I wasn’t perfectly successful, my lord. The captains I spoke to were – I think understandably – mistrustful of an unproven town like Shackleton. Not to say there was no interest, mind. There was one captain from Widow’s Watch who seemed to take pleasure in the idea of undermining the Manderlys.”
Harwin couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Well, it’s one way to make an ally.”
“Indeed, my lord. Once I realised I should emphasise that Shackleton is a lumber town, I got some more interest. The Sisters have a great demand for wood these days, as I understand, and Braavos’ Arsenal is always hungry. In all, I think I convinced seven captains to make some trade, with another four or so on the fence.”
He handed over the satchel, and Harwin opened it. He didn’t bother counting the coins within, merely shifting them from side to side to get an impression. A bit over half remained from the allowance that Harwin had given.
“Thank you,” Harwin said. “I hope you didn’t run into any trouble?”
“Thankfully not. I met a man I had known as a squire, but he did not think to suspect me of anything.”
The near miss sent a small stab of fear through Harwin’s heart, but he tried to put it aside. It was days or weeks past now, and not worth worrying about, especially if Benjicot was discussing it so offhandedly.
“No other news from the New Castle?” Benji asked. “I know you had some concerns about the possibility of a marriage being suggested.”
Harwin laughed. “No, it never came up. Sylas tried to flirt with Bella’s cousin, but I don’t think it went well. He’s been unusually quiet since, though he was quite happy to spend my money to distract himself at the time.”
“My sympathies to him,” Benji grinned. “And your sister?”
“Oh, she spent much of the trip in the Wolf’s Den. I went with her a few times, stopped by the weirwood there. She took notes on the construction of the Den, I’m sure she’ll tell you everything you might want to know about Eyronic columns.”
“I have no doubt, my lord.”
Harwin stopped walking for a moment, looking out into the darkness of the barrowlands. The shadows were impenetrable, the rain oppressive. And yet he felt warmer than he had in weeks.
“I have missed you,” he said, turning to his knight. “More than I had expected to.”
Benjicot’s hair was windswept, auburn darkened to almost brown with the damp, and his beard was growing in stronger than he had let it before. It did not hide the smile that crept up his cheeks.
“And I you, my lord.”
“Thank you, again, for everything. We should probably go inside, get you warm.”
“I would appreciate that, my lord.”
They completed their lap of the barrow, returning to the small room with too many people, and the warmth of their greeting was greater than that of their fire. A plate of venison was pressed into Benjicot’s hands, and an energy filled the space anew as everyone asked after the knight’s health and of his news. Sylas retrieved wine from one of the carriages, and laughter rang through the tomb. The secrecy of Benjicot’s purpose in White Harbour was maintained, but gently mocked by all involved.
Harwin watched them all, trying not to focus too much on Benjicot. One would not think to look at the knight that he had risked his honour and freedom for Harwin. The merchants that he bribed would, Harwin hoped, prove profitable to Shackleton and Oldcastle for years to come. It was impossible to know just yet.
He was just glad to have Benjicot back amongst them. He had almost forgotten how close he had come to rely on the man in their weeks apart. Now, his household felt complete again. And it was his household, after all. The thought warmed him more than it once might have.
Sylas’ voice cut through the din of conversation. “Harwin, what’s our next stop?”
It took Harwin a moment to understand the context of the question, and so he barely avoided stammering when he answered, “Greywater Watch. Wanted to meet with the Reeds.”
Sylas nodded, curiosity satisfied, and returned to his conversation with Frenken. Their destination seemed to be helping him prove some point in a friendly argument. Benjicot was speaking with Jorah and his men, laughing over some dockside tale, pushing crab legs into the protesting guardsmen’s hands. Finally, Valena caught Harwin’s eye, smiling knowingly.
“Are we making friends all over the North?” she asked, half-mocking and half-sincere.
Harwin laughed, and didn’t answer.
Gods, he hoped so.

It was an early morning in the Border Collie Household. The sun was just beginning to peek through the curtains, casting a warm glow into the living room where Mackenzie, Minnie, and Little Mack were sitting, looking rather bored.
Mackenzie, the eldest of the three siblings, let out a sigh as he tossed his stuffed Bilby, Billy, up in the air and caught it repeatedly. "I'm so bored," he grumbled, glancing over at his younger siblings.
Minnie, her bright eyes filled with mischief, grinned mischievously. "I know! Let's go bug Mom and Dad until they play with us!"
Little Mack's face lit up at the suggestion. "Yeah! That sounds like fun!"
“Alright, alright. Let's go see what they're up to." Mackenzie said as he placed Billy next to Bandido and lead his siblings out of his room and to the kitchen.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Hunter and Queen were in the kitchen, having just finished the coffee they made a couple of minutes before.
“Honey?” Queen called.
“Yeah babe?” Hunter asked.
“What’s your stopwatch say?” Queen asked. Hunter looked at the stopwatch on the table next to them.
“12:22.” Hunter said. The two of them looked at each other for five seconds and then smirked.
“Three...two...one.” They both counted down. As they reached "one," Mackenzie, Minnie, and Little Mack burst into the kitchen, their faces filled with excitement.
"We're bored!" Minnie declared dramatically, throwing herself onto one of the kitchen chairs. “Can you play with us?”
“I don’t see why not.” Hunter answered as he turned to face the three. “What game do you wanna play?”
That was the thing. They didn’t exactly know what they wanted to play. Queen glanced at Hunter with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"I have an idea," she said, her lips curling into a playful grin. "How about we play... Smoochy Tag?"
“Smoochy Tag? Now THAT is a game I haven’t played in a long time.” Hunter said with a laugh.
“What’s smoochy tag?” Little Mack asked.
“It’s like normal tag, but you have to smooch someone to tag them. When you tag them, they help you tag the others. It’s really fun!” Mackenzie said as his tail wagged a bit.
“I’ll be it first. Mackenzie, can you pick a number between one and ten?” Queen asked. Mackenzie paused for a moment.
“Seven!” Mackenzie said happily.
“Seven.” Queen repeated, then she smirked. “Six…Five…Four-”
Realizing she was counting down, Hunter and the kids took off running. Hunter opened the front door and ran out of the house with the laughing children. Queen reached one and then grabbed her coffee mug.
“I’ll just finish this first.” She stated while also putting Hunter’s mug in the sink.
After a couple of seconds of running, the four of them stopped for a moment and looked around.
“We need to hide.” Hunter said as he looked around.
“But where?” Mackenzie asked. That’s when they heard a door open, they all turned to see Bandit standing at the opening.
“Oh, morning Border Collies!” Bandit said with a wave.
“Morning Bluey’s Dad, can we hide in your house?” Mackenzie asked. Bandit raised an eyebrow almost immediately, leaving Hunter to clarify.
“We’re playing a game and Queen is it.” Hunter told him.
“Say no more, c’mon in.” Bandit said almost immediately, opening the door a little bit more for them. The four Border Collies ran inside and Bandit closed the door, looking through the peephole.
“Sorry to involve you in our game Bandit.” Hunter told him. Bandit turned to him and waved it away.
“No worries, we do that to our neighbor Pat all the time. Looks like karma finally caught up.” Bandit said, he then walked away from the door. “What game are you playing?”
“We call it smoochy tag.” Hunter said, that’s when the doorbell rang. Bandit walked over to open it and saw that no one was there.
“Huh, no one. Weird.” Bandit said before closing the door and walking back to Hunter. “What’s Smoochy tag?”
“Basically a cross between tag and playing zombies, but a kiss is how you tag the others.” Hunter answered. The doorbell rang again. Bandit opened the door and looked around this time, again, seeing no one.
“Kids playing ding dong ditch?” Hunter asked. Bandit closed the door and walked back over.
“Probably.” Bandit said as Chilli walked into the room.
“Who’s dinging the doorbell?” Chilli asked.
“Probably the kids.” Bandit said. That was before he saw Bluey and Bingo hiding Mackenzie and Little Mack somewhere in the living room, and then hearing the doorbell again. “Okay, definitely not the kids.”This time, Hunter walked over to the door to open it, and when he did, Queen grabbed his arm and pulled him outside.
“Gotcha! C’mere you!” Queen smirked as she attempted to pull him into a kiss. However, Bandit and Chilli grabbed Hunter to pull him into the house, joining the game.
“Not so fast!” Bandit said as he pulled Hunter into the house. Chilli also pulled, whilst chuckling.
“It’s not gonna be that easy.” Chilli told her. Queen continued trying to kiss Hunter, but Hunter was pulled away and Chilli got a cushion to poke Queen back out of the house. “Out, out with ya.”
With Queen back out of the house, Chilli closed the door. Chilli wiped her brow with a ‘phew’ and looked at Bandit.
“What was that all about?” Chilli asked.
“It’s a game called Smoochy Tag.” Bandit told her.
“Sounds fun, I’ll ask the kids if they wanna play.” Chilli said as she walked to the living room. Bandit looked at Hunter with wide eyes.
“Run upstairs, quick.” Bandit told him. Hunter nodded and ran upstairs with Bandit. Chilli walked to the living room where she saw Bingo hiding Little Mack behind the plant.
"Hey, Bingo," Chilli said with a warm smile. "Are you and your new friend playing Smoochy Tag too?"
Bingo looked up from her hiding spot with a wide grin. "Yeah, Mum! We're helping hide Little Mack from his mum."
“Well guess what, your dad and I are playing too. But I need to know the rules first.” Chilli said as he kneeled down to Little Mack’s height. “Can you tell me the rules?”
Little Mack got out from under the table and began to explain the rules of the game.
“It’s like normal tag, but you have to smooch someone to tag them. When you tag them, they help you tag the others. Mackenzie says it’s really fun.” Little Mack answers. Chilli tapped her chin.
“Smooch someone, like this?” Chilli asked, placing a kiss on Little Mack’s forehead. Little Mack giggled.
“Yes, exactly like that.” Little Mack said.
“Good. Looks like we’re helping your mom now.” Chilli said, revealing she made herself it when she played the game. Which also meant she that Little Mack was also it. Much to the four year old’s playful disappointment.
“Aw bugger.” Little Mack said. Then both of them turned to Bingo. She quickly turned around to run.
“Quick, let’s get her!” Chilli exclaimed as she and Little Mack ran after her. The moment they were out of the living room, Bluey and Mackenzie ran out from behind the couch and ran to the backyard where they got cut off by Queen.
“Going somewhere?” She teased before running after them. Bluey and Mackenzie playfully screamed before running back inside. Queen ran after them and was gaining on them pretty quickly. She would’ve caught up if it wasn’t for Minnie running in front of her, running away from Bingo who was also running away from Chilli and Little Mack. Switching targets, Queen grabbed Minnie and kissed her forehead.“No!” Minnie exclaimed while laughing. Bingo was gonna run past, but Queen grabbed her too and kissed her on the forehead as well. Now the only ones left were Mackenzie, Bluey, Hunter and Bandit. Bluey and Mackenzie were seen running up stairs. Upstairs, the hallway presented several doors, providing ample hiding spots. Bluey gestured excitedly to the linen closet. "Quick, hide in here!" she whispered urgently to Mackenzie.
Mackenzie nodded, running into the closet with Bluey. Bluey closed the door, while Hunter and Bandit veered into the Heeler bedroom just as they heard footsteps approaching. Inside the linen closet, Bluey and Mackenzie huddled together, barely able to contain their giggles. Bluey put a finger to her lips, motioning for Mackenzie to stay quiet as they listened to the footsteps draw closer. They held their breath as the footsteps walked towards them, stopped, and then walked away from them. Allowing them to let out a sigh of relief.
In the bedroom, Hunter and Bandit were both were under the bed, and practically arguing with each other silently.
“Find your own hiding spot!” Bandit whisper yelled to him.
“I don’t know this house! This is the best I can do!” Hunter replied. The two of them where still arguing when Queen and Chilli walked into the room, and from the footsteps abruptly stopping, they more than likely got found out.
“You think they heard us?” Bandit asked. Suddenly, Hunter’s ankles were grabbed and he was yanked out from under the bed. Bandit’s wrists were grabbed and he was pulled out as well. When they were out, they realized that the other’s wife had pulled them out. Bandit was pulled out by Queen and Hunter was pulled out by Chilli. The two ladies looked at each other, smirked, nodded and switched locations, kissing their husbands to tag them.
“And then there were two.” Hunter said as he stood up looking out in the hall.
“I heard whispering in the closet before walking in here.” Chilli said as she pointed to the linen closet. Queen and Hunter started to walk towards that door and counted backwards from three before opening the door and seeing….nothing.
“Huh?” Queen questioned. Inside Bluey’s room, Mackenzie and Bluey were sneaking back down the stairs and was making their way to the playroom. On the way there, Mackenzie accidentally bumped into one of the dressers and knocked over the lamp. Mackenzie was fast enough to catch the lamp before it could hit the ground.
“That was close.” Mackenzie said in relief.
“He’s downstairs!” Little Mack exclaimed, having heard him. Mackenzie put the lamp back and he and Bluey ran out to the backyard. Little Mack was the first to go outside to try and catch at least one of them. Minnie ran outside too and both were going straight for Mackenzie, who was not too keen with getting caught so he kept dodging and juking them like he was playing a game of rugby. Bluey on the other hand was running from Bingo and ran right into Bandit who picked her up and kissed her on the nose.
“Gotcha Bluey!” Bandit told her. He then looked at Mackenzie who juked Little Mack and made him run into Minnie. Mackenzie was gonna run back inside, but Hunter was guarding the door. “Let’s get em Bluey.”
Mackenzie turned around and Queen was blocking his path back.
“Where’re you gonna go now mate?” Hunter asked him. Mackenzie looked right and saw Bandit and Bluey walking towards him.
“Going left!” Mackenzie said as he ran left. He was gonna run down the left side of the house to go to the front yard, but the moment he ran around the corner, Chilli was right there. Mackenzie turned around to run again, but he was grabbed by Hunter, who jumped over the railing the moment he went around the corner. Mackenzie laughed as he was caught, squirming playfully in Hunter's grasp.
"Nice try, buddy." Hunter chuckled before planting a kiss on his son’s forehead, ending the game. “Man, you’re getting faster kid.”
"You're not too bad yourself, Dad." Mackenzie replied, his tail wagging happily. "That was so much fun!"
"You did great, champ," Hunter said, ruffling Mackenzie's hair. "But all that running around has made me hungry, lets go get brunch.”
Mackenzie's stomach growled in agreement, and he nodded eagerly. "Yeah, brunch sounds awesome!"
Chilli and Bandit looked at each other and then nodded before turning back over to the Border Collies.
“Would you like to stay for Brunch?” Chilli asked them.
"That sounds lovely," Queen replied with a smile, glancing at Hunter for confirmation.
Hunter nodded, returning the smile. "Yeah, we'd love to stay. Thanks for the invitation."
Chilli beamed. "Great! Let's head to the kitchen then. I'll whip up something delicious for all of us."
“Allow me to help.” Queen said as she and Chilli walked upstairs to the kitchen. Hunter and Bandit played with the kids to keep them occupied. s they all made their way to the kitchen, the Border Collies chatted happily, their laughter filling the air. Hunter and Bandit found themselves engaged in a playful game of catch with Mackenzie, Bluey, Minnie, and Little Mack, while Queen and Chilli worked together to prepare brunch.
In the kitchen, Queen and Chilli shared stories and laughter as they cooked, enjoying each other's company. Queen expertly cracked eggs into a bowl while Chilli chopped vegetables for an omelet. The aroma of sizzling bacon filled the air, making everyone's stomachs growl in anticipation.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Hunter and Bandit continued their game with the kids, tossing a ball back and forth and dodging around the furniture. Mackenzie's tail wagged furiously as he chased after the ball, his laughter echoing through the house.
As brunch neared completion, Queen and Chilli set the table with plates, utensils, and glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice. The tantalizing smell of food wafted through the house, drawing everyone to the kitchen.
With everything ready, they all gathered around the table, exchanging smiles and stories as they enjoyed the delicious brunch together. Plates were filled with fluffy omelets, crispy bacon, and buttery toast, and the conversation flowed effortlessly as they savored the meal.
Later on, Queen and Chilli were playing with the kids as Hunter and Bandit were on the balcony watching them as they played, drinking some soda as they watched.
“Made quite the first impression you know.” Bandit said to Hunter, who chuckled.
“Sweet as, Bandit. You know I was a bit skeptical about the move but now...” Hunter responded, watching as Bluey playfully managed to tackle Mackenzie to the ground. “..I think I made the right choice.”
“While I don’t doubt that mate, I’m sure we’ll see.” Bandit told him.
“Yeah…we’ll see.” Hunter replied. Soon, it was time for the Border Collies to head home and the Heelers waved goodbye to them as they walked off.
“You know, I think I like our new neighbors.” Chilli said to her family.
“Will they be back to play again?” Bingo asked her dad. Bandit smiled and watched the Border Collies walk off.
“We’ll see.”

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and got married very young (I was 19), but more on that later.
For now, backstory: we both come from rather toxic families and are both black sheep. The difference being I realized early on and my husband, being very sweet and naïve at times, didn’t realize his until I started pointing it out. My intentions were never to alienate his family, however, I’ve never liked the way they treated him. Especially his mother’s side.
One of the biggest examples that comes to mind was how he worked over the summer for his Aunt one year before we even met, and instead of giving the money to him, the money was given to his mom‘s parents who kept it in an account “for him“ that he couldn’t access. Later, they bought him a car with it, but put it in their name. When I found out, I immediately pointed out that that was kind of messed up, it’s nice that he got a car, but that money should’ve been given to him and at the very least the car should have been in his name. But as he usually does, he chose to see the bright side of things, so for the most part he was just happy that he had a car. Fast-forward a year or two, and he was driving up most weekends to visit me in college when he wasn’t working (about 1 1/2 hours each way, so not very far by Texas standards), when his grandparents decided that they didn’t like that and they tried to stop him, but that argument didn’t last very long and they relented. It wasn’t until they started telling him that he couldn’t visit his dad using the car that things really got dicey.
And it’s not like his dad lived very far, he lived in the same neighborhood as his mom, and in the same neighborhood that we had grown up in. And this time they would not relent, they absolutely despise his father. The divorce was messy and even though neither is completely blameless, she definitely had the worst offenses. Just trust me on that. Since then, it’s like she never learned how to be an adult and has been a perpetual 16-year-old, always complaining about everything and with her parents always holding the purse strings (though you could argue it’s always been that way, her parents paid for her schooling to be a dance major and she never did anything with that, they defended her bad decisions during the divorce, paid the mortgage on her large house afterwards, and even now after expressing how much she doesn’t enjoy being around her parents, she refuses to leave and still lives with a family member).
Anyways, after his grandparents threatened to take away the car (which he used for work as a pizza delivery man and obviously his mom didn’t stand up for him) if he tried to visit his dad, he let his dad know and I helped him move out of his mom‘s house that night while she was at work. It made him terribly unhappy at first, especially to leave his younger siblings behind, but he knew what they were doing was wrong, and he was over 18 and thats simply a line you don’t cross. His dad baught him a car to use.
It should be noted that he likely would not have said anything to his father or moved out if I hadn’t pushed him to, and that’s probably why a good portion of his family aren’t really big fans of mine. Even several years after we were married and possibly even to this day, they think I make all of the decisions in our relationship and force him to do what makes me happy even if he doesn’t want to, which of course is not the case, we discuss and agree on every major decision. When I was pregnant with our son, our first child, we were at his dad‘s mom‘s house and I was often sitting and asking him to get things for me and the like and he ended up going to get food with one of his sisters and she literally told him that she didn’t like how I was constantly asking him to do things and I wasn’t doing anything for myself. The pregnancy was very hard on me, I LOST 11 lbs and had to work the whole time and had no paid leave, so yes I tried to relax as much as I could. These are just a few examples of their behavior, his mother and her parents are also often emotionally and psychologically manipulative and abusive, comparing him to his cousins which they often consider “more successful“ especially since he decided he didn’t want to be a doctor and wanted to work in a lab instead, and anytime he tries to argue back with his mom she does the whole “I guess I’m just a horrible mom“ thing. Something I am very well familiar with in my own life. Needless to say, I am not the biggest fan of his family.
I did one year of my university before I decided it wasn’t the right path for me and about that time he was about finished with community college and was looking to go to university next. He ended up getting excepted into the university that I had gone to, but didn’t really want to move into the dorms as someone who was older than most freshman, but also couldn’t afford an apartment on his own. So we decided that we would get married and move up there together, we were already engaged as he proposed to me on my 18th birthday. It was the perfect set up as being under the same roof as my mother again really sucked.
I don’t quite remember why we decided to get married three months from that point, it was kind of stressful. But during that time him and his mother had another huge falling out, of course with her parents being on her side, and the deal with the car was still fresh in everyone’s minds. After that I didn’t want her at the wedding, or her parents, and while it did upset him a bit(notice a trend? He is very sweet and has a tender heart and is a recovering people-pleaser) he agreed that it would just be unnecessary drama.
It was a very small wedding as my parents gave me $2000 and I used half of that on a weekend honeymoon and the other half to cover the cupcakes and the photographer (who was an old friend of ours from high school). My youth pastor who at this point also knew my (soon to be) husband was the officiant and graciously let us use the foyer the youth building free of charge for the ceremony. This was a small neighborhood church so the room wasn’t very big but we weren’t inviting a ton of people so we were fine with it, especially since it was mostly windows and it was pretty nice especially since we didn’t have to pay for it. We ended up inviting both sets of my parents, my sister and her small family, and my little sister and my mom‘s parents. (note the parents, siblings, and my closest grandparents) In the end, after his mother begged, we did end up letting her come, and then of course his father came and his siblings and his father‘s mom. (Note the parents, siblings, and his closest grandparent). Our closest friends were there which was 6 people, and then my small group from church had spent the night decorating the foyer for the ceremony so of course they were invited too. The numbers were slightly skewed in my favor as both of my parents have remarried, my sister was married with 2 kids, and both of my grandparents were still alive at the time. So yes, technicality he had less people there, but he told me that he didn’t mind after I pointed this out to him back when we were talking about who to invite. And his family really didn’t like this. We both have large families. Only mine was scattered to the four winds and his lived exclusively in Texas. If his mom‘s parents hadn’t been treating him like dirt I happily would’ve invited them too, and seeing as I didn’t even invite my step sisters who had been in my life since I was two, I didn’t think it would be appropriate to invite his cousins, especially since the room was plenty full as it was. Again, he understood and was OK with all of this.
In the end, it was very sweet and small and the reception just took place at one of our favorite restaurants.
To this day, he still catches flack for more of his family not being invited, especially is mom’s parents, and we are always told by third parties about things his family say about us and especially me. (one of them even called me a gold digger, even though at the time was working at Domino’s. His mom told us she was the only one who “stood up for me” in that moment, but the best response she could come up with was “my son doesn’t have money“).
I have no qualms about what we did. We have since moved halfway across the country, recently celebrated our 8 year anniversary, and are very happy. The things they say still weigh on us though, so I was hoping to prove a point with this post.
So, are we the assholes for not inviting most of my husband’s family to the wedding?

I thought my husband and I were doing well in general.. apparently not. So much has happened for us in the last 1 year. Here is a quick recap, its all over the place and most of these point are not connected.

• Started working together
• Found him (my fiancé) on Tinder
• Went to amazing couples therapy where we discovered that he was avoidantly attached while I leaned ofc anxious..an improvement from disorganized which I used to be.
• We downloaded his tinder data, and I was able to see that he was telling the truth, and had never chatted with anyone, and never cheated.
• Cancelled our wedding regardless, and moved to his family's country of origin because he wanted to pursue his art and it was a lower cost of living
• Right before our move found horrible horrible things out about my mom (main abuser) and completely grieved her as a loss. So basically she died for me.
• My grandma died, my aunt died, his grandma died, his aunt died.
• I got a lot healthier after "losing" my mom. Been in trauma therapy for 4 years and started to really see all of the fruits of my labor
• Started working on my art a lot and sharing it.
• I built a solid friend group in our new country and I learned to absolutely love it here, even though it wasn't somewhere I pictured myself living.
• I became the happiest I've ever been in my life. I feel good every day. PTSD symptoms are much lower. Life is genuinely good most days. I tell him how happy I am all the time.
• He started building his business and got really into it. He has employees now, and things are going well. He is his own boss. Our life is better than ever financially (in my opinion).
• But this meant his art has gone no where, as he puts his time somewhere else.
• Because he is so busy with work he hasn't made any close friends since moving.
• My best friend/sister in law due to her abusive husband.

And the most important point:

• We got married on paper for visa reasons and he started introducing me to everyone in our NEW life as his wife and I started calling him my husband. Back in the US not many people know we are married. We started talking about kids a LOT after our move. I am 32 and he is 35, so it's very age appropriate.

Which bring me to today:
Today we were just off kilter. He has been pretty much solidly busy since mid march due to his job. Now it is mid may. In this time I have made some great friends and built my own life up a lot. Sundays we usually spend the day together and they are my favorite time of the week.
But today we got in an argument. It started because I asked him how he is doing and how he is finding life here, and if he still wanted to live here long term. This opened up a can of worms of him being unhappy. It was unsettling because this is our 3rd move in three years "for his art". The others were just to different apartments or nearby towns, but this one was across the world.. each time we've moved he has instead focused on building his business.
I tried to point out that maybe there's something in his heart that's stopping him from doing what he wants, not something physically.
IDK where this lead us but basically I said I was very happy here and he started to challenge me on that. He said that I dont seem happy. I was really offended by this because I always tell him how happy I am these days, but eventually we chalked it up to us not spending enough relaxed time together as he is always working and I am always busy these days.
Anyways it was a bad fight but we got through it enough and he tried to cheer me up, but I just felt really off around him all day.
Which brings me to tonight:
Recently I have been feeling a bit down about the fact that a formal wedding isn't back on.. he has mentioned it a few times over the last 8 months but never really organically or on his own. I didn't want it to happen until he was feeling enthusiastic about it, but every time we reached him feeling enthusiastic there were serious logistical issues that made it feel completely un-doable. Things like he wants a big wedding, I want a small one.
Tonight while we were chatting about friends and it felt like literally every one of our friends is currently getting married and/or having babies. And I just got a bit down about it all. I told him I want to get married too, and he agreed but in a way that felt very noncommittal.
So I asked him blatantly for some extra reassurance and he got upset with me for asking that. I got angry at him getting upset because I think it is a bare minimum to reassure your partner.. because I ALWAYS try to reassure him, even if I dont feel like.
This is an issue that's come up in a therapy, in our therapist has had to explain o him that you have to do this in a relationship, but he still has a hard time with it.
After I got angry, I said something along the lines of like do you even really want to get married? And he said "well we have all these issues". I asked him to explain and he said that we are not really ready to get married yet, and that we are "on the edge" of being ready to get married. He said we have all these "problems" that arise every couple weeks (aka fights). I told him that every couple fights, and he is never going to find someone who is happy 100% of the time and doesn't fight. He said he wasn't sure about that.
I was SO completely and utterly confused and extremely angry. He introduces me to as his fucking wife? Suddenly I feel like this is all a game to him? We have conversations about life insurance policies, and children, and other shit like that. I just cant comprehend it.
How long do I wait? It makes me want to pack up my bags and move out.
For me, It feels like he thinks everything in our life is an issue lately. I dont know what is weighing on his soul, but it feels like he hates literally everything. I dont get it as my eyes our life is incredible, and he will easily agree with me about it when I say that.. But then today he did admit that he does not feel grateful for his life most days. I suppose this might be because he is overworked?
But also I believe it is because he is comparing himself to the extremely wealthy elite kids he grew up with/went to college with and he has very low self esteem in many ways. Many of his friends say things like "If you don't have at least 200k in assets right now, you're in huge trouble" (becuase of the economy) etc etc. He knows so many extremely wealthy people.
It's so particularly frustrating when it comes to money because even though we are doing better now than almost ever before, it's never a win. For him it is always "well we are in a worse position now than we were 1 year ago if you really think about it".. Even though we have a maid, we order groceries whenever we want, we have an amazing apartment in the best part of a metropolitan city.. we get to buy things when we need them. But 1 year ago we sold a business and it gave us the cash to relocate, so now we are "technically" worse off.
For context I spent most of my adult life on food stamps and visiting food banks regularly.
I dont know I am just so angry at him. The biggest takeaway from couples counseling we had was that he needed to open up his heart. And he only ever does once I close down. All day today he was trying to be extra kind to me because I was so closed down. He even said so- that my heart felt closed.
The counselor told him so many times that if he keeps pushing me away, a point will come where I can't take it anymore, and I feel like this is happening.

We signed a contract with our agent to sell our home. He is teamed up with a "team". The agent is quite unprofessional, seems like they are new, and winging it. Agent does not answer questions, but asks how I feel instead of answering the specific question. Agent does not seem to be doing anything much other than listing the home. The photos posted are deceptive. The rooms look like nearly completely different colors than they are. I've had comments of how different the colors in the photos are in the listing. Agent randomly mentioned how they are trying to provide food for their family?
Now all this I was fine working with. I wanted to negotiate and sell my home today for a lower amount than desired from an offer I've received. I needed to look at some documents my agent and I signed already. Agent says they don't have a computer with them today. I asked for the documents before 8AM.
I believe my agent is just hoping it'll sell from Zillow. I texted what the brokers name and number was as I now want to terminate our contract with the agent. My Agent called me shortly after and said "Hey I just checked my computer and I don't have them but someone else has them and they'll be able to send it over at 9AM tomorrow morning."
Thoughts? Am I right to be upset? Should I contact the broker and explain the situation? I want away from this team and away from this agent. I don't think the agent will want to cooperate with terminating our relationship. I assume the agent knows that I will be contacting the broker to terminate.

This week’s vintage batch features black hard rubber pens from three of the Big Four American Makers of the 1910s-20s. Nibs range from Flex to Wet Noodle. As always, all are fully restored and ready to write.
 
ALBUM & TIMESTAMP
 
Pastable link: https://imgur.com/a/R5fpCKe
 
Condition (n.b.): All pens listed below have been disassembled, cleaned and restored with new sacs installed in the last couple weeks. Each of these pens is guaranteed to fill and write as designed without leaks or other problems. Nibs have been adjusted when necessary to ensure that all lay down a smooth and consistent line.
THESE PENS HAVE NO CRACKS, CHIPS, PERSONALIZATIONS, LOOSE OR MISSING PARTS, BENT NIBS, MISALIGNED TINES, BROKEN/WORN OFF TIPPING, OR THREADING ISSUES.
 
Line Widths and Writing Samples: To provide buyers with as much information as possible, I have started to adopt the following line width standards: XXF (.1-.2mm); XF (approx .3mm); F (approx .4mm); M (approx .6mm); B (approx .8mm). Nib flexibility is determined by variation (max line width under pressure) and softness (amount of pressure). Flexibility designations based on variation generally run as follows for an XF/F nib: Semi-Flex (approx. 1mm); Flex (1.2-1.9mm); Superflex (>2mm). All line width measurements are taken with a digital caliper but should be considered approximations providing a general guide. Width may vary slightly depending on type of ink and paper used as well as amount of pressure applied. All writing samples are on Rhodia dot paper using Waterman Serenity Blue.
 
 
1. 1920s Waterman 92 1/2 (BCHR, GPT, lever filler, 14k XF Flex nib). This slender (1/2-sized) model is longer than a ring top but slightly shorter than a 52, measuring 4 3/4” capped and 6” posted. Not to be confused with the later, celluloid 92, this 92 1/2 is made of black chased hard rubber with gold-plated trim. It’s the first I’ve ever encountered. Cap came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a clip), but has been outfitted with a gold-plated accommodation clip. Based on its absence from US catalogues, I believe this model was made strictly for foreign export. The barrel has a Canadian imprint while the nib reads “Ideal / England,” it being a common practice for Waterman’s Canadian pens to be finished in England. That 14k nib is a Flexible writer (note change from writing sample after taking measurement. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 3B+ (approx 1.8mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for shaded writing. Condition: fine [C]. This pen has no functional flaws but does show some use. Hard rubber is an even dark chocolate color – still much darker than the brown these can turn. Chasing is significantly yet evenly weakened across the cap and barrel. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-plating on the lever has a sliver of brassing in the center and parts of the clip look tarnished, though I’m not sure this amounts to full-fledged brassing. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel end are weakened but fully legible. An affordable user and a lovely writer for those wondering at what all the fuss is about early Watermans. Price: $150
 
2. 1910s Waterman 12 Eyedropper (BCHR, German Silver clip, eyedropper filler, 14k F Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 1/8” capped. This slip-cap eyedropper is made of black chased hard rubber with a rivet clip marked “German Silver” – less common than the standard nickel clips. This pen is an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppepipette – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Super-Flexible 14k Ideal NY #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.5mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Easy variation and reliably wet flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent- [B-]. Hard rubber of the cap is dark black with virtually no fading but center of barrel shows fading to dark chocolate under certain lights. Chasing on cap is sharp and deep but barrel chasing is very light and only visible when the light strikes it. German Silver clip is pristine with no brassing or other notable wear. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is weak but mostly legible while number stamp on barrel-end is all but worn away. Price: $190 [ON HOLD]
 
3. c.1918 Waterman 52 (BCHR, NPT w/ Sterling Silver clip, lever filler, 14k XXF Needlepoint Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. A nice example of Waterman’s celebrated workhorse made of black chased hard rubber with a sterling silver Ideal accommodation clip with “Waterman’s / Made in France” stamped on one side and a hallmark that reads “GP” on the other side (DETAIL PHOTO). This pen came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a rivet clip). Super-Flexible 14k Ideal NY #2 nib has a needlepoint width and superb snap-back that gives it a surgically precise feel when writing. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Insanely responsive snap-back, needlepoint hairlines, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another excellent choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with virtually no fading. Chasing is weakened a bit yet readily visible over the cap and barrel. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is quite weak and only partly legible while number stamp on barrel-end is deep and fully legible. Price: $260 SOLD
 
4. c.1918 Waterman 52 in Box (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k M/B Superflex Factory Stub nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. This pen comes in its original factory box with 5-page pamphlet including care and filling instructions as well as other offerings from Waterman (BOX PHOTO). It’s a clean 52 made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim including earlier, wide rivet clip. 14k Ideal #2 nib is a Super-Flexible Factory Stub that manages to deliver sharp unflexed variation without compromising smoothness. Under normal pressure it lays down a smooth and consistent M/B line (approx .7mm) on the down-strokes and XF line on the cross-strokes. And the line widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE – note change in flex grade after measuring). A versatile nib whose responsive snap-back, easy variation, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it well suited to shaded notes under normal pressure and calligraphic writing styles under flex, the Stub grind keeping one’s letterforms neat and straight. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. This pen and the one below came from an estate of someone who seems to have purchased these pens, wrote with them a few times, then stowed them away in their boxes. This one is definitely collector-grade, having seen very little use. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with no discernible fading. Chasing is evenly sharp and crisp. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Box is in sound condition with no torn ends but original owner managed somehow to burn a couple small holes in the paperwork. A boxed 52 with an uncommon nib in uncommonly clean condition. Price: $310 SOLD
 
5. c.1918 Waterman 55 in Box (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XF Flex/Superflex nib). This oversized model has a thick girth and measures 5 1/2” capped. This pen comes in its original factory box with 5-page pamphlet including care and filling instructions as well as other offerings from Waterman (BOX PHOTO). This pen is made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim including earlier, wide rivet clip. Commensurably oversized Ideal NY #5 nib yields Super-Flexible variation with Flexible softness. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.1mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE – note change in flex grade after measuring). Condition: excellent+/near mint [B+]. This pen came from the same estate as the 52 above and also resembles an artifact of a time capsule. Hard rubber retains its factory black color with no discernible fading. Chasing is factory sharp and crisp. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Box is in sound condition with no torn ends but original owner managed somehow to burn some small holes in the paperwork for this one as well. These big fellas are getting tougher to find, especially in this condition. Price: $440 SOLD
 
6. c.1921 Wahl Pen 72 (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XXF Superflex nib). This standard sized model measures 5 3/16” capped. Having purchased the assets of the Boston Fountain Pen Company, Wahl began manufacturing fountain pens in 1917. Wahl’s first pens were essentially rebranded Bostons and Tempoints (a NY company they acquired in 1918). The first full-fledged Wahls, dubbed simply “The Wahl Pen,” rolled off out of the factory in 1921. This 72 one of those pens. Its’s made of black chased hard rubber complemented by nickel-plated trim including Wahl’s patented roller-clip. The Wahl Pen is chiefly distinguished from earlier designs by its patented Wahl lever with apexed center. Super-Flexible 14k Wahl Pen #2 nib is a lovely writer. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Needlepoint hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent/near mint [B+]. Hard rubber retains its factory black color with virtually no fading/oxidation. Chasing is factory deep and crisp with no discernible wear. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim is exceptionally clean with no brassing or other noteworthy blemishes apart from light scratching to the clip. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Price: $280
 
7. 1910s Parker Lucky Curve 20 (smooth BHR, eyedropper filler, 14k XF/F Superflex/Wet Noodle nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. Parker collectors know all too well how much harder it is to find early Parker eyedroppers compared to say, Waterman 12s. This simple, utilitarian Lucky Curve eyedropper from the early teens is made of smooth, black hard rubber. Slip cap came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a clip). Long Lucky Curve feed is intact. This pen is an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppepipette – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Early 14k Lucky Curve #2 nib with teardrop breather hole yields Super-Flexible variation with softness and flow verging on that of a Wet Noodle (comparable to a soft dip pen nib). It lays down a smooth and consistent XF/F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under very light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines with a light hand, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color apart from minor fading to a deep, dark brown on the barrel visible under certain lights. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes aside from a group of short scratches to the left of the imprint (see imprints photo). Nib shows a small scuff here and there and a scratch on one tine that has no effect on durability or performance. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. A lovely writer and the first example of one of these I’ve ever offered. Price: $270 SOLD
 
8. c.1915 Parker 16 Overlay (gold-filled over BHR, button filler, 14k XF Wet Noodle nib). Measures 4 5/8" capped and 6” posted. While Waterman overlays of this period aren't particularly common, they're far more numerous than their Parker counterparts today. Parker overlays like this one were commissioned to the George W. Heath company in New York, who is credited for some of the finer overlays on early Watermans and Conklins as well. The gold-filled filigree over this black hard rubber ringtop features an exquisitely hand-engraved Art Nouveau pattern as well as an indicia on the barrel for engraving. The pattern is the earlier, more intricate design that's more sought after than the simpler Art Deco pattern of the later 1910s-20s. Barrel overlay is stamped "Parker Fountain Pen" along with patent dates from 1891 and 1905. Pen has an Xmas tree, Lucky Curve feed and knurled blindcap unscrews to reveal brass button for filling. To fill, one simply unscrews the blind cap, submerses the nib, and depresses the brass button once. The fine workmanship of this pen is complemented by an early 14k Lucky Curve #3 nib, a scarce “Lazy S” variant with long tines. The nib is a Wet Noodle with softness, variation, and flow comparable to that of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.5mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Another nib with astonishingly responsive snap-back giving it a precision feel and you maximum control over the line. Together with its thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex, this makes for an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. Overlay shows no brassing, dents, or other notable flaws aside from some pin-sized dings confined to the knurled portion around the top of the cap. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with scarcely any fading. Knurling of blind cap isn’t quite as sharp as it once was and number stamp on barrel-end is faint but legible under bright light. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is deep and fully legible. Price: $380 SOLD
 
 
 
Shipping: Pens purchased on the weekend are mailed on Tuesday. Otherwise they are mailed within 2 business days of payment. All pens that do not come with their original boxes are packaged in PVC or thick plastic tubes to protect them in transit. To CONUS locations the following shipping options are available:

• USPS First-Class with tracking for $5 Due to the delivery delays that continue under postmaster general DeJoy, I strongly recommend that the Priority shipping option be chosen. All packages will include full insurance (covered by me). Rest assured that a full refund is guaranteed (issued through Paypal) in the event of a lost parcel and you will not have to wait until I receive a reimbursement from the USPS.
  
• USPS Priority with tracking for $9
  

International Customers: Please contact me for shipping quote if located abroad (delivery confirmation required). (Note: due to the issues stated above, my international shipping options are currently limited. PM for more info). Please do not ask me to commit mail fraud by altering the declared value of a pen for customs. Not only am I registered as a business but shipping insurance is based on declared value.
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“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
Also, full credit to the other NWP enthusiasts who have been making posts about this and discussing it in other threads.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name is a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

So, I have the dubious honor of having owned both the Luba 2 5000 and the Husqvarna 450X EPOS at the same time for the same yard. I also have the Husqvarna 315X wired version as well. But in this post I want to provide a comprehensive comparison between the Husq 450X EPOS and the Luba 2 5000. There are already tons of vendor marketing materials, YouTubers with their reviews, etc. My goal is to provide a real comprehensive review, with no fanboyism, no hidden agenda, just as a homeowner who wants something that works reliably and that lasts.
In this post my goal is also to provide new information that I was not able to find anywhere when I was comparing these two prior to purchase, if you have any questions that you want answered that I did not cover here just let me know.
MY YARD
My yard is a pretty simple Florida rectangular acre with about 5 big oak trees and plenty more overhanging my yard from my neighbors' yards. I have about 1/2 acre in the back and about 0.30 acres in the front. I use the Husq 315X to mow the front and decided to buy a wireless version to mow the back. I also have a thin strip outside of the front fence that I mow on occasion after opening the gates and fences.
LUBA2 5000 vs HUSQ 450X EPOS
Below I have arranged my findings by categories, with the most surprising being first.

• RTK / Wireless Performance (Winner - Luba) - This was without a doubt the biggest surprise for me. I thought I had a simple yard after setting up the Luba. I put the RTK antenna in the attic, set up the base station, mapped out the yard and was done. The Husq EPOS on the other hand performed 10x worse than the Luba. Same house, same attic, but the EPOS system would not lock onto the satellites. After an hour of fiddling, I moved the RTK antenna out of the attic and mounted it on a pole in my yard. The performance is still terrible, while mapping out my back yard even within 50' of the RTK station, the signal only shows 73%, and I spent hours having to drive the Husq 450X to the middle of the yard to get a signal then rushing back to the last waypoint to try to finish mapping. It took about 4hrs to map 0.5 acres. That was just the beginning of my problems though. It now likes to sit for up to an hour in one spot for some reason even though the app says it has a good EPOS signal. No idea if this is a hardware problem or a software problem but hopefully it can be fixed via software update. If this keeps up, I may have to set more no go areas and mow those areas with my lawn mower.....not a good thing.
• RTK App Feeback (Winner Luba) - The Luba 2 is great about showing you all of the satellite information; co-viewing, RTK satellites, and Luba 2 satellites. The 450X is the opposite, all you get to see is if EPOS is working or not with no way to troubleshoot it except to keep driving the mower around until it is fixed.
• Hardware Build Quality (Winner Luba) - The Luba 2 feels much sturdier and better built than the 450X. Also, the Luba 2 includes an RTK mounting pole whereas the 450X does not. The 450X EPOS is an older design and it does not appear that Husqvarna updated anything other than add an RTK module to their existing product line while doubling the price.
• App Useability (Winner - 450X) - The Husq mower app while not perfect is much better than the Lubas. Mapping is more intuitive; I like the way they used waypoints which is more accurate and more familiar than driving the mower from place to place without clearly defining points. The mowing pattern selection is much more intuitive as well and adding a mowing angle to a work area is perfectly done by simply dragging two dots until the line overlay matches the look you want. I do like Luba's way of showing the amount of work remaining/completed via shaded areas vs the eyesore redlines that Husqvarna uses. As previously mentioned though, the biggest shortcoming is that you can't do any satellite troubleshooting in the Husq app. With the Husq app you can also pause mapping and pick back up where you left off, you can save multiple mowing profiles (i.e. winter vs summer), and you can pause any mowing task, go do something else, then restart the mowing task instead of fiddling with percentages like in the Luba 2's app.
• Lawn Damage - (Winner - 450X) - The Husq 450X EPOS hands down causes less lawn damage than the Luba. No more crop circles, no damage in front of the charging station, it is a real joy to watch it turn on a dime with no endless grinding itself into the dirt. The Luba 2 got stuck all the time at the ends of rows, bases of trees, etc. as it tried to turn around in the soft dirt. It also killed untold numbers of seedlings which I will probably need to overseed.
• Mowing Speed - (Winner - 450X) - The Luba 2 has multiple mowing speeds that you can pick but if you are like me, you have no idea what is too fast or what is slower than necessary. The Husq has no mowing speed options but if you watch it, it automatically slows down on thicker patches of grass and speeds up on recently mowed patches. This not only gets the yard done faster while extending the battery life, it also makes the setup simpler.
• Mowing Height - (Winner - 450X) - The Luba 2 lets you set the height and so does the 450X, the nice thing about the Luba is that it gives you the exact height in inches (or cm) vs the 450X where you have to do you own math to figure out what 1 or 2 or 3 mean in inches or cm. The reason why the 450X still wins for me though is because it is much faster at adjusting the height when it needs to. The Luba 2 bogged down a lot and ground itself into the ground when the blade was too low for the terrain. The 450X seems to adjust its blades in real time and never seems to stop and get stuck on bumps even with the blade set at 1".
• Connectivity - (Winner 450X) - The Husq 450X EPOS includes 10yrs of LTE data and also includes Bluetooth connectivity. The Luba 2 relies on wireless and Bluetooth and if you want LTE you have to buy your own SIM and data plan. Many times the Luba 2 would grind itself into the ground then just turn off. I would then need to go hunt for it in the yard, turn it on, connect via Bluetooth, move it out of the hole it had dug, then wait for it to get a satellite fix before I could get it to do anything. The 450X with LTE is always accessible until the battery dies. With the improvements in connectivity, the anti-theft features are also much better.
• Audible Beeps (Winner 450X) - This was a big problem for me with the Luba 2. It beeps all the time (when its adjusting the cutting height, returning to the charging station, searching for a satellite signal, starting a mowing job, on the charging station, leaving the charging station, etc, etc.). The charging station is right outside of my bedroom window so I had to start running it in the daytime just to keep from being woken up. The 450X EPOS does not do any of that, it shows everything via the app and the status LED on the top, no endless beeps.
• Perimeter Mowing Logic (Winner 450X) - I never understood why the Luba 2 put so much emphasis on perimeter laps, to me it's just the first row to be mowed, apparently the 450X EOPS thinks so too and treats it as such. The perimeter was being badly chewed up by the Luba 2 since it is the least level areas of my yard, the 450X EPOS just mows it without fuss and no digging in and getting stuck at the base of my fences.
• Battery Replacement (Winner 450X) - the 450X EPOS battery can be replaced in about 10min and they are readily available from a dealer, eBay, and others. The Luba 2's battery replacement story is still very murky to me.
• Blade Performance (Winner 450X EPOS) - The Husq automowers spin both clockwise and counterclockwise after every recharge, this means that you do not have to flip the razors over every xx number of hours. The Luba 2 does not have this feature.

OVERALL WINNER (TIE)
Right now both the Luba 2 and the Husq 450X EPOS have a fatal flaw; the Luba 2 badly chews up my yard, and the 450X EPOS can't seem to find its RTK/Satellite Signals. At this point in time I do not know if the Luba's or 450X EPOS's problems are just software or a fundamental hardware problem. Mammotion is addressing their hardware design with the release of the Yuka, I can only hope the RTK problem with the 450X EPOS can be fixed via a firmware update.
I know the 450X EPOS won a lot of categories for me, but if it sits around in my yard all day searching for a signal then none of the rest of its features matter. RTK is so important to the fundamental operation of a wireless RTK robot that it supersedes all else in my book.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Luba 2 - I would recommend the Luba 2 if any of the below are true:

• Hilly yard - obviously the Luba 2 is the better of the two with its AWD
• Mature grass/hard ground - if you have a mature yard with hard clay or dirt that can handle the Luba 2's grinding donut turns then I would recommend the Luba 2
• Cost - If cost is your only concern then obviously the Luba 2 is a no brainer
• Trees / Obstructions - If your yard has even a few big trees or big obstructions, at least for now, the Luba 2 will far outperform the 450X EPOS when it comes to RTK performance

450X EPOS - I would recommend the Husq 450X EPOS if ALL of the below are true:

• You have a perfectly wide open yard with no trees or other obstructions
• You have a yard with new turf or soft dirt/sand
• Your yard is relatively flat

Wired Solutions - My front yard Husq 315X wire guided mower is great, problem free, and still uses a wire. I used a trenching machine, bought heavy duty 14 gauge wire, and buried it around 8" deep. In my opinion, if you can deal with installing the wire, not being able to change things later, and risk the wire breaks, wired is still the most reliable way to go. I think wireless mowers are very close to being mature, but something needs to come along to reduce the problems with satellite reception, RTK placement, and blockage from buildings and trees. We don't all have that perfect wide open yard with no trees or buildings.

What does becoming a teacher mean to me?
It means adulthood. What is adulthood? Adulthood is living in a house, or an apartment or away from one's family of origin. Yes, I know some races of persons live in extended families. For me, adulthood means living elsewhere. Teaching to me means the ability to get this for myself.
Adulthood means land. I want to eventually have control over the food I eat. I want to grow my own vegetables, my own fruits without pesticides and other strange chemicals. Adulthood means the ability for me to have my own land.
Adulthood means a car. It means not making multiple trips to and fro places. It means not burning up in the hot, hot sun. It means not being tired physically carrying myself to so many places. It means comfort, driving, cool air, not being exposed to the rain, or having to ride with persons who may make me uncomfortable with their sexually suggestive banter. Adulthood means the ability for me to get a car.
Adulthood means a career. It means having something to do on a weekly basis. It means having the protections of a career, namely access to things - possible loans among others. Adulthood means having the chance to have a career.
Adulthood means having a salary. Having a salary means having the ability to move around in the world. In many a place, women are held back from moving about in the world. Women are oftentimes tied to a man. They are prevented from having their own money. Their energies are allocated to child rearing, caring for a home, caring for elders. I realize how fortunate I am that I have had access to higher education, to indeed have a career. Adulthood means the ability to have a career.
Adulthood means savings. Savings means security. It means being able to afford one's needs, emergency or not. Savings means enjoyment, comfort. Adulthood would mean I could get a chance to have savings.
Adulthood means strong relationships. Or rather, different ones. It means navigating life with coworkers, hobby friends, relatives, your own parents as an adult. It means changing dynamics. Adulthood would afford me the ability to have strong relationships.
Teaching means adulthood. Adulthood is good. It means leaving the private market, and entering the safety and comfort of the public market. It means leaving independent contracting work in favor of salary. It means taking my place in society, as a worker, and having a title. It means being a woman. I am biologically a woman. But now, I'd be more of a woman, a self-sufficient woman.
Teaching means having little luxuries, my creature comforts. It means a stove, a refrigerator, a washer dryer combo in my own place. It means controlling who is around me, and that I can choose to leave when I wish. Teaching means health, that I can have a varied diet. It means maintenance, that I can look my best, and engage the services of beauty professionals to get my nails done, my hair done, my makeup done, and buy more high-quality, in style clothing.
Teaching means hobbies. It means stability in my work schedule, so that I can do other things in the off times. This can mean starting a business, having a hobby, hanging out with others, or just catching up on some sleep. Teaching may mean travel abroad. It may mean stamps in my passport, a visa or two. Teaching means general enjoyment. That's what it means to me.
I find the gatekeeping of long-term, well-paying employment wicked. Yes, I know persons must specialize, take their trainings to perform their jobs well. But when you have persons willing and able to do a job, why prevent them from doing so? It doesn't make sense I think.
This is a momentous occasion. I'm getting ready to take a place in life. This sets the stage for many more things. What shall I do to commemorate the occasion? Well, I'm writing this post, so that's one thing. I want to dress up and take myself somewhere when I get my first salary. Secretary, put that on the books. One outing with me well done up when I first get paid, okay?
Life is good. Me moving into this new stage means that I would have learned enough to get me here. I have learned a lot, truly. I learned about men, and dating. I learned about people, friends, not so friends. I've learned about me, what I want, what I do not want, the kind of life I want to life, and what others expect of me. I've learned about reasonable expectations, and what it means to be an adult living with other adults. I've learned about security, and investment, romantic investment, what it looks like, and what it does not look like. I've learned to choose me, but make allowances for others. I've learned about others. I've learned that it's not always only about me, that I don't exist in a vacuum, and that my life is not only my own.
I've learned that there is so much to explore with me. I think I know me, but this new stage is going to make me grow more, and be more me.
So that's what teaching means to me. I'm sure it will mean a lot more, like getting to show off my skills, and getting to educate a generation. I'm sure it'll mean other things like routine, and monotony, trudging through the day for the sake of supporting myself. But I'm ready. I know the material. I've done this before. Things will go well. Others have done it. And now is my turn. It's my turn. It's my turn. It's. My. Turn.
I don't have to fight anyone for it. It's my turn. I don't have to beg anyone for it. It's my turn. I don't have to steal it. It's my turn. I don't have to pay for it. I believe I've already paid a lot. Also, It's. My. Turn. It's my turn to enjoy myself. It's my turn to advance, and get my master's degree, and get my doctorate. Let me change my name a bit, yeah? I've done the work. I've put in my time. I haven't promised to support anyone financially. I haven't sired any children that I must care for. I'm not cheating anyone by not working and expecting payment. I'm just here, signing up for work, preparing myself as best I can, and waiting my turn, just like everyone else.
I come wanting to work. I come wanting to do good work. I come wanting to cooperate. I come ready. It is time. It is my time. Let's do this.
On we go.

“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the Polin sub which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name may be a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling, as a traveler, may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

So, I have the dubious honor of having owned both the Luba 2 5000 and the Husqvarna 450X EPOS at the same time for the same yard. I also have the Husqvarna 315X wired version as well. But in this post I want to provide a comprehensive comparison between the Husq 450X EPOS and the Luba 2 5000. There are already tons of vendor marketing materials, YouTubers with their reviews, etc. My goal is to provide a real comprehensive review, with no fanboyism, no hidden agenda, just as a homeowner who wants something that works reliably and that lasts.
In this post my goal is also to provide new information that I was not able to find anywhere when I was comparing these two prior to purchase, if you have any questions that you want answered that I did not cover here just let me know.
MY YARD
My yard is a pretty simple Florida rectangular acre with about 5 big oak trees and plenty more overhanging my yard from my neighbors' yards. I have about 1/2 acre in the back and about 0.30 acres in the front. I use the Husq 315X to mow the front and decided to buy a wireless version to mow the back. I also have a thin strip outside of the front fence that I mow on occasion after opening the gates and fences.
LUBA2 5000 vs HUSQ 450X EPOS
Below I have arranged my findings by categories, with the most surprising being first.

• RTK / Wireless Performance (Winner - Luba) - This was without a doubt the biggest surprise for me. I thought I had a simple yard after setting up the Luba. I put the RTK antenna in the attic, set up the base station, mapped out the yard and was done. The Husq EPOS on the other hand performed 10x worse than the Luba. Same house, same attic, but the EPOS system would not lock onto the satellites. After an hour of fiddling, I moved the RTK antenna out of the attic and mounted it on a pole in my yard. The performance is still terrible, while mapping out my back yard even within 50' of the RTK station, the signal only shows 73%, and I spent hours having to drive the Husq 450X to the middle of the yard to get a signal then rushing back to the last waypoint to try to finish mapping. It took about 4hrs to map 0.5 acres. That was just the beginning of my problems though. It now likes to sit for up to an hour in one spot for some reason even though the app says it has a good EPOS signal. No idea if this is a hardware problem or a software problem but hopefully it can be fixed via software update. If this keeps up, I may have to set more no go areas and mow those areas with my lawn mower.....not a good thing.
• RTK App Feeback (Winner Luba) - The Luba 2 is great about showing you all of the satellite information; co-viewing, RTK satellites, and Luba 2 satellites. The 450X is the opposite, all you get to see is if EPOS is working or not with no way to troubleshoot it except to keep driving the mower around until it is fixed.
• Hardware Build Quality (Winner Luba) - The Luba 2 feels much sturdier and better built than the 450X. Also, the Luba 2 includes an RTK mounting pole whereas the 450X does not. The 450X EPOS is an older design and it does not appear that Husqvarna updated anything other than add an RTK module to their existing product line while doubling the price.
• App Useability (Winner - 450X) - The Husq mower app while not perfect is much better than the Lubas. Mapping is more intuitive; I like the way they used waypoints which is more accurate and more familiar than driving the mower from place to place without clearly defining points. The mowing pattern selection is much more intuitive as well and adding a mowing angle to a work area is perfectly done by simply dragging two dots until the line overlay matches the look you want. I do like Luba's way of showing the amount of work remaining/completed via shaded areas vs the eyesore redlines that Husqvarna uses. As previously mentioned though, the biggest shortcoming is that you can't do any satellite troubleshooting in the Husq app. With the Husq app you can also pause mapping and pick back up where you left off, you can save multiple mowing profiles (i.e. winter vs summer), and you can pause any mowing task, go do something else, then restart the mowing task instead of fiddling with percentages like in the Luba 2's app.
• Lawn Damage - (Winner - 450X) - The Husq 450X EPOS hands down causes less lawn damage than the Luba. No more crop circles, no damage in front of the charging station, it is a real joy to watch it turn on a dime with no endless grinding itself into the dirt. The Luba 2 got stuck all the time at the ends of rows, bases of trees, etc. as it tried to turn around in the soft dirt. It also killed untold numbers of seedlings which I will probably need to overseed.
• Mowing Speed - (Winner - 450X) - The Luba 2 has multiple mowing speeds that you can pick but if you are like me, you have no idea what is too fast or what is slower than necessary. The Husq has no mowing speed options but if you watch it, it automatically slows down on thicker patches of grass and speeds up on recently mowed patches. This not only gets the yard done faster while extending the battery life, it also makes the setup simpler.
• Mowing Height - (Winner - 450X) - The Luba 2 lets you set the height and so does the 450X, the nice thing about the Luba is that it gives you the exact height in inches (or cm) vs the 450X where you have to do you own math to figure out what 1 or 2 or 3 mean in inches or cm. The reason why the 450X still wins for me though is because it is much faster at adjusting the height when it needs to. The Luba 2 bogged down a lot and ground itself into the ground when the blade was too low for the terrain. The 450X seems to adjust its blades in real time and never seems to stop and get stuck on bumps even with the blade set at 1".
• Connectivity - (Winner 450X) - The Husq 450X EPOS includes 10yrs of LTE data and also includes Bluetooth connectivity. The Luba 2 relies on wireless and Bluetooth and if you want LTE you have to buy your own SIM and data plan. Many times the Luba 2 would grind itself into the ground then just turn off. I would then need to go hunt for it in the yard, turn it on, connect via Bluetooth, move it out of the hole it had dug, then wait for it to get a satellite fix before I could get it to do anything. The 450X with LTE is always accessible until the battery dies. With the improvements in connectivity, the anti-theft features are also much better.
• Audible Beeps (Winner 450X) - This was a big problem for me with the Luba 2. It beeps all the time (when its adjusting the cutting height, returning to the charging station, searching for a satellite signal, starting a mowing job, on the charging station, leaving the charging station, etc, etc.). The charging station is right outside of my bedroom window so I had to start running it in the daytime just to keep from being woken up. The 450X EPOS does not do any of that, it shows everything via the app and the status LED on the top, no endless beeps.
• Perimeter Mowing Logic (Winner 450X) - I never understood why the Luba 2 put so much emphasis on perimeter laps, to me it's just the first row to be mowed, apparently the 450X EOPS thinks so too and treats it as such. The perimeter was being badly chewed up by the Luba 2 since it is the least level areas of my yard, the 450X EPOS just mows it without fuss and no digging in and getting stuck at the base of my fences.
• Battery Replacement (Winner 450X) - the 450X EPOS battery can be replaced in about 10min and they are readily available from a dealer, eBay, and others. The Luba 2's battery replacement story is still very murky to me.
• Blade Performance (Winner 450X EPOS) - The Husq automowers spin both clockwise and counterclockwise after every recharge, this means that you do not have to flip the razors over every xx number of hours. The Luba 2 does not have this feature.

OVERALL WINNER (TIE)
Right now both the Luba 2 and the Husq 450X EPOS have a fatal flaw; the Luba 2 badly chews up my yard, and the 450X EPOS can't seem to find its RTK/Satellite Signals. At this point in time I do not know if the Luba's or 450X EPOS's problems are just software or a fundamental hardware problem. Mammotion is addressing their hardware design with the release of the Yuka, I can only hope the RTK problem with the 450X EPOS can be fixed via a firmware update.
I know the 450X EPOS won a lot of categories for me, but if it sits around in my yard all day searching for a signal then none of the rest of its features matter. RTK is so important to the fundamental operation of a wireless RTK robot that it supersedes all else in my book.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Luba 2 - I would recommend the Luba 2 if any of the below are true:

• Hilly yard - obviously the Luba 2 is the better of the two with its AWD
• Mature grass/hard ground - if you have a mature yard with hard clay or dirt that can handle the Luba 2's grinding donut turns then I would recommend the Luba 2
• Cost - If cost is your only concern then obviously the Luba 2 is a no brainer
• Trees / Obstructions - If your yard has even a few big trees or big obstructions, at least for now, the Luba 2 will far outperform the 450X EPOS when it comes to RTK performance

450X EPOS - I would recommend the Husq 450X EPOS if ALL of the below are true:

• You have a perfectly wide open yard with no trees or other obstructions
• You have a yard with new turf or soft dirt/sand
• Your yard is relatively flat

Wired Solutions - My front yard Husq 315X wire guided mower is great, problem free, and still uses a wire. I used a trenching machine, bought heavy duty 14 gauge wire, and buried it around 8" deep. In my opinion, if you can deal with installing the wire, not being able to change things later, and risk the wire breaks, wired is still the most reliable way to go. I think wireless mowers are very close to being mature, but something needs to come along to reduce the problems with satellite reception, RTK placement, and blockage from buildings and trees. We don't all have that perfect wide open yard with no trees or buildings.