I don’t know where to start with this. There is so much and I’m pretty sure this is above reddits paygrade. I just don’t know where to turn too. I (38f) have been with my fiancé’ (38m) for almost 4 years now. I love him but I think I want out of the relationship. I can’t imagine being with someone else but I also cant imagine doing this for my entire life. There is so much to go over but I’m pretty sure at the end of this I am a huge double triple huge asshole for how I feel. I won’t make excuses. All I’ll say is that this has been happening long before we got to here. There is a lot of context but the first thing I guess I should address is that we both have chronic health issues. His is much more life threatening if not maintained but for the most part is healthy. He rarely gets sick but when he does it’s pretty bad. He has a rare form of anemia that is only treatable by lifelong steroid use or bone marrow transplant. I always keep up with his health and his hemoglobin levels are good but I don’t schedule his apps or attend all visits. He does all that. About a year and a half ago transplant talk was put on the table and he was vehemently against it. But after about a year he realized there wasn’t a choice his meds aren’t working anymore. I’ve always asked if hes in pain or struggling he makes it very clear he is fine and that he would tell me if he wasn’t. I am super aware of when things look off, or if he looks really pale. I always ask questions and when I do go to the doctors apps I pay attention.
I have an autoimmune disorder. It varies from being annoying as fucking hell to down right painful and I can’t walk. He has been less than sympathetic to just down right making fun of me. He’s told me I need to live in a bubble to you’re always sick, to what doesn’t hurt on you. Not much dude. Not much. To be clear I don’t whine, I don’t miss work unless is unavoidable, I went to work with Flu A, B and covid before I almost out right couldn’t set up. I’ve had full blown asthma attack on the bed and in-between breathes asked for him to get the nebulizer because I didn’t have a rescue inhaler anymore. My daughters cat laid on me because I was so sick and doing the treatment and while most cats love me, I’m not this cats favorite but even he was like mom needs me. He looked annoyed and thought I was being dramatic. It wasn’t until the doctor told me I was super mega sick that he relented. Im on immunosuppressants and I have two small school age kids who are walking petri dishes, I catch a lot. Its not for a lack of trying no too. One of the biggest I have a bad tendency to get yeast infections, its chronic and not entirely unavoidable. Sex is a huge factor in this and it’s a snow ball effect, it starts with a yeast infection that blooms in to a full on UTI then my lichen Sclerosis flares, and lots and lots of sex exacerbates these issues. He likes to bring up the first year we were together that we had a lot of sex but we didn’t live together and had to many days apart. I spent 100s of dollars on yeast meds and suppositories. I still ended up in urgent care for a UTI that caused a fever so high they were convinced I was septic. I wasn’t but I felt super awful. When we moved in together the sex things seem to bother him more. He had issues with all the things wrong and I tried to explain and give him things to read but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. We fought about it constantly. We had full blown arguments over sweatpants and sexy clothing. To when he actually told me unless I wore sexy panties sex didn’t matter to him. He apologizes after but I know that he meant what he said. I’ve never lied to him about any thing, I’m not an overly sexual person and not usually open about being attracted to someone but I have tried to meet him halfway. I knew my illness was causing a lot of problems so I tried so hard to be better. I had gained a lot of weight from steroid use so I went and got help to loose the weight, Ive lost like almost 80lbs. Ive gotten down to only one suppressant medication. But the skin issues still linger. I was told there wasn’t much I could do about it. I’ve gone to the doctor multiple times just for this issue. I’ve tried supplements and boric acid suppositories. Its helped but not enough to really notice. We just had to make changes to the way we have sex, we are still having it 2-3 times a week but we have to have days in-between and we have to minimize sperm contacting my skin. I was also diagnosed with seminal plasma hypersensitivity which is common with my skin disorders and it is an allergic reaction. But I have to put a huge wall up for spontaneous sex which is a huge bummer and he is 100% reliant on me being the one that’s spontaneous. Which he doesn’t think is fair. I understand all that but I’ve explained if sex hurt him or caused the issues I’ve had you’d understand why I have to do it this way. There have been times where I’ve had issues and had to abstain for sex or a week but It’s never been much longer than that and he’s constantly asking if its better or if we can do it. He rushes care and a lot of times I’m reinfected or I just never went away cause its never had time to heal. The only time he doesn’t press as bad is when I’m on my period and even then he makes comments about putting a towel down. He talks about sex constantly, asks for blow jobs when I can’t and insists on trying to lick me when I’m not in the mood. When someone has a yeast infection they aren’t thinking about anything going anywhere near this vag, they are uncomfortable and wished they could rip it off and throw it away. I have counted how many times hes brought up having sex in an hour and the most he’s done it is 23 times the least is 8. He can’t have a conversation with me without bringing it up. I could be talking about something completely different and he’ll go we doing it today? Completely off topic. ITs so much worse now that hes going to have to have transplant and has to go at the very least 30days with out sex. The first questions he asked whenever this was happening had nothing to do with will I live it’s been when can I have sex? He’s willing to risk my health and his health for it. I just can’t anymore. His main concern this entire time is don’t find someone else and don’t fuck anyone else. Not I love you and all of our kids, its’ been just about this and that he’s going to be ugly after the transplant. To which I could give a fuck about. I want to be clear I love him, I love having sex with him but this is just really hard to deal with. I’ve tried talking to him Ive tried expressing that this isn’t normal. He gets super defensive that why are you in a relationship for if you aren’t going to touch them and the entitlement to just grab at me has more than once sent me on edge. I’ve tried to explain it just devolves into fight where he just shuts down and says I just won’t fucking touch you period. Then spins it as I’m the one making a big deal. Its just sex.
These aren’t the only issues, we both have children from previous relationships my kids are much younger and hes jealous of the attention they get, hes so worried about me and him he doesn’t even pay attention to his own kids who are now teenagers. During this whole transplant talk hes made comments that he can’t wait to be alone and have a break from work and no kids around. His kids have heard him. All 4 are taking this super hard, he doesn’t care, he just says my kids are clingy and can’t do anything on their own. My kids are 7 and 5. I can go into more details but this would be so effing long if I did. And to be clear about this he has had these behaviors probably for the past 2 years way before we had the transplant conversations.
I know that I’m supposed to be one of his carers after the transplant. His mom will be primary as I am the main caregiver of my bio children and he will be located about 3 hours away. We were gone to testing this week and things were pretty fun we played and best friend game and for once no topics of sex came up. And it was like I got a glimpse of the person I fell in love with. But the next day it was right back to talking about sex every time he looked at me. When were seeing doctors, I had to excuse myself at one point because I realized if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t do this for me. If I lost any part of my beauty or ability to have sex this would be over. IT was so sobering and I was devastated. I tried talking to him when we got home and it caused a fight that we are still currently in. He says I’m not interested in sex every and he doesn’t try anymore cause Im never in the mood. Ive explained that constantly talking about it ruins it. Ive showed him time and time again if you just stop you get more from me. He doesn’t care. I don’t want to be his carer anymore. And I know that makes me a horrible person. Please excuse typos I am on voice text.

Hi everyone,
I’m posting this to hopefully get some help/advice. Sorry it’s so long!!
My issues all began after UTI-like symptoms in December 2023 after sex. This was a common thing for me after sex as I would frequently get UTI-like symptoms and just treat it with antibiotics (I never actually tested for UTIs 😣 but was certain it was because I knew how it “felt”). In the months before this I was also using feminine wash and wipes daily which I’ve read can cause irritation.
After treating this UTI in dec-23, it felt like the antibiotics didn’t totally get rid of my symptoms. Over the next 2 weeks, I was dealing with burning when urinating, urge/frequency, waking up several times in the night feeling like I needed to pee even though I made sure I didn’t drink a lot before sleeping and used the toilet before, eventually this developed into occasional bed wetting too (I’m 21!!). Intercourse with my boyfriend became painful with burning at the entrance and an inflamed vestibule at 12 o’clock around urethra area, leading to me either immediately stopping or avoiding sex. I developed pangs/shooting feelings of internal itch - when walking I’d literally have to stop and crouch down or apply pressure. Vulvar itch developed too on my labia majora. This completely destroyed my life, I couldn’t even walk let alone go to the gym or work in the office (worked from home a lot more) - my mental health was at an all time low.
I’ve had SO MANY GP, gynaecologist and sexual health consultations. I’ve done STI, thrush, BV, diabetes and urine (dip, culture, MSU) tests. A vaginal ultrasound which is all clear. My vulvar skin has been checked by sexual health nurses and 2 senior consultants (gynae, GUM) - all normal.
After 4 months in March-23, my GP diagnosed me with Vestibulitis/vestibulodynia. I have been taking Amitriptyline since. The first dose (10mg) immediately relieved my urinary issues!! I am currently on 30mg and using lidocaine ointment (5%) nightly, and lots of lube for sex - this has enabled me to have sex, often with mild-no pain. Internal itch is gone too.
The thing which has not been relieved at all is itchy labia majora 😩. Since January, I have been washing and applying an emollient only, using sensitive laundry detergent, cotton underwear and sleeping without underwear. The itch is sometimes worse at night but I think that’s because I’m less distracted. In April I took antibiotics for Group B Strep that was found on my vaginal swab but this just worsened my symptoms, my labia were extremely inflamed, swollen and red, labia majora itch was so bad. I took probiotics and applied hydrocortisone which helped. I have continued taking probiotics.
I have also been on a low estrogen oral contraceptive pill for 2 years. Since the amitriptyline has helped for most symptoms I’m guessing it is irritated nerves (vestibule is red at 12 o’clock). However, I still have labia majora itching and my boyfriend noticed that my labia majora looks redder than it used to be and my labia minora look more ‘dehyrdated’, slightly browner in colour. Could this itching, dehydrated appearance be hormonally-mediated? All my doctors have sort of shut down the hormonal idea when bringing it up.. either way I have stopped my pill. I also only recently told my GP I had a few episodes (5 in 3 months) of bed wetting before starting the amitriptyline and he seemed quite concerned so has booked me in for an ultrasound of my bladder and a spinal MRI to “cover all bases”.
Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to get everything in there. I’d appreciate any advice, similar experiences etc. 🥰

Hi everyone,
I’m posting this to hopefully get some help/advice. Sorry it’s so long!!
My issues all began after UTI-like symptoms in December 2023 after sex. This was a common thing for me after sex as I would frequently get UTI-like symptoms and just treat it with antibiotics (I never actually tested for UTIs 😣 but was certain it was because I knew how it “felt”). In the months before this I was also using feminine wash and wipes daily which I’ve read can cause irritation.
After treating this UTI in dec-23, it felt like the antibiotics didn’t totally get rid of my symptoms. Over the next 2 weeks, I was dealing with burning when urinating, urge/frequency, waking up several times in the night feeling like I needed to pee even though I made sure I didn’t drink a lot before sleeping and used the toilet before, eventually this developed into occasional bed wetting too (I’m 21!!). Intercourse with my boyfriend became painful with burning at the entrance and an inflamed vestibule at 12 o’clock around urethra area, leading to me either immediately stopping or avoiding sex. I developed pangs/shooting feelings of internal itch - when walking I’d literally have to stop and crouch down or apply pressure. Vulvar itch developed too on my labia majora. This completely destroyed my life, I couldn’t even walk let alone go to the gym or work in the office (worked from home a lot more) - my mental health was at an all time low.
I’ve had SO MANY GP, gynaecologist and sexual health consultations. I’ve done STI, thrush, BV, diabetes and urine (dip, culture, MSU) tests. A vaginal ultrasound which is all clear. My vulvar skin has been checked by sexual health nurses and 2 senior consultants (gynae, GUM) - all normal.
After 4 months in March-23, my GP diagnosed me with Vestibulitis/vestibulodynia. I have been taking Amitriptyline since. The first dose (10mg) immediately relieved my urinary issues!! I am currently on 30mg and using lidocaine ointment (5%) nightly, and lots of lube for sex - this has enabled me to have sex, often with mild-no pain. Internal itch is gone too.
The thing which has not been relieved at all is itchy labia majora 😩. Since January, I have been washing and applying an emollient only, using sensitive laundry detergent, cotton underwear and sleeping without underwear. The itch is sometimes worse at night but I think that’s because I’m less distracted. In April I took antibiotics for Group B Strep that was found on my vaginal swab but this just worsened my symptoms, my labia were extremely inflamed, swollen and red, labia majora itch was so bad. I took probiotics and applied hydrocortisone which helped. I have continued taking probiotics.
I have also been on a low estrogen oral contraceptive pill for 2 years. Since the amitriptyline has helped for most symptoms I’m guessing it is irritated nerves (vestibule is red at 12 o’clock). However, I still have labia majora itching and my boyfriend noticed that my labia majora looks redder than it used to be and my labia minora look more ‘dehyrdated’, slightly browner in colour. Could this itching, dehydrated appearance be hormonally-mediated? All my doctors have sort of shut down the hormonal idea when bringing it up.. either way I have stopped my pill. I also only recently told my GP I had a few episodes (5 in 3 months) of bed wetting before starting the amitriptyline and he seemed quite concerned so has booked me in for an ultrasound of my bladder and a spinal MRI to “cover all bases”.
Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to get everything in there. I’d appreciate any advice, similar experiences etc. 🥰

37 Female - 5'4" - 130 lbs - ex smokevape - weekly alcohol use of like 1 or 2 on weekends - no drugs
Allergies: Erythromycin
My gallbladder was removed in 2011
Ok so, the situation, Wednesday morning I woke up at 4:30 AM to pee and it stung. I immediately knew I had a UTI and would go to my Durgent care once they opened to get antibiotics. Not five minutes later I had to pee again and there were blood clots. Never had blood clots before with a UTI and also I'm not super prone for UTIs like some people. I've had maybe 4 in my life.
It escalated pretty quickly. I went from no symptoms when I went to bed to passing massive clots and my urine looking like chunky strawberry jello within just a couple of hours.
So go to the Dr office, they take a sample (it comes back E Coli), give me a shot of Rocephin and a script for Bactrim to take for 7 days, 2 pills a day. Since then I have been taking the medicine but I'm still having horrible symptoms.
Now the blood, clots, stinging, anything related to the UTI cleared up within a day. However I started to develop fevers (no fevers prior to taking the antibiotics), chills, massive constant headaches. My skin hurts so bad it's painful to move. It's the kind of pain you get when you're sick but just very intense. Hurts the most right below my breasts but even just getting up to use the bathroom feels horrible because I'll get the chills and it tightens my skin and it's just very painful.
Other symptoms I still have: heart palpitations, hunger seemed to disappear Friday. I am forcing myself to eat. Prickling sensation in my hands that sometimes appear elsewhere on my body - this feeling is not constant but comes and goes. Can feel/hear blood pumping in my head which makes me feel like I've got fluid? Tired/Woozy feeling in general.
So my concern is that I've never had UTI symptoms last long once I start the antibiotics and it's usually easy sailing while I finish the script. These prolonged symptoms are weird for me. What could possibly be going on? Stubborn UTI? Sepsis? Back doesn't hurt for kidney infection. Could I be allergic to Bactrim?
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you!

Might be a lengthy read.. I always try to give as much detail as possible..
My Mathias is a 7/8 year old neutered male. I found him during a road trip at a truck stop in the middle of no where when he was about a year old. Love him to death. He's the sweetest boy.
We moved to a new apartment back in November. He was great for a few weeks and then everything went downhill again and my carpets were ruined in my living room. In case anyone is wondering, yes, the issues were present anywhere else we've lived as well..
Believe me, I know taking him to the vet is the first step. I took him twice within a month since December last year. Blood work, urine test, fecal test, x-ray.. $1000 later and they said he's slightly constipated, but other than that, completely healthy. He was on dry food up until then because I actually had no idea wet food was better. So since then, he's been fully on wet food with probiotics and Metamucil added (vet recommended). I know saying to go to the vet is the best advice in this scenario usually, but I really wanted to make clear that he's gone and he's healthy.
More context that might be important.. He's fat. He lived with my family while I was in school, and ballooned up in weight. So right now he's on a diet and he's not a very happy camper. So.. not perfectly healthy, but he doesn't have a UTI and his kidneys/heart/etc are fine.
Over the last couple weeks he's started peeing on the carpets in my bedroom. The living room is blocked off so he can't get to the carpeting in there anymore. I'm losing my mind. Last weekend when I barely opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was him peeing. Thing is, he does this and then runs to his food bowl. Maybe 30 minutes ago I turned around and he was peeing in that same spot again. And when I got up to grab paper towels, he ran straight to his bowl. Is this to get my attention? I typically feed him right when I wake up, so when he peed last weekend, I waited nearly an hour to feed him. I didn't want him to think that pee = food. I'm not sure if that was right to do, but I wasn't taking any chances.
I tried everything I saw when I read on reddit about people in similar situations. But I usually end up seeing most advice being about taking the cat to the vet, which is why I'm making my own post.. I've gotten additional litter boxes, different typed of boxes (high sides, low sides, extra wide, etc) I've used different litter (he ended up only liking the one he's always used), I clean the boxes 2 times a day, I've moved the boxes to where he's peeing and he will use it, but he'll still go on the floor next to it. I got a litter robot and then returned it because he wouldn't use it.. I've done almost everything I can think of except hire a behaviorist.
His behavior typically is very laid back. He just wants to be pet and take naps. He'll usually lay on his back next to me so I can scratch his tummy. He likes to play with my hands and run around. Nothing about him tells me he's stressed or unhappy, but I could be wrong? I figured the move at first would definitely stress him out.. but 6 months?
I'm exhausted. I've lived here for 6 months now and I will not have any friends over because I'm SO embarrassed of the smell. It's awful. Those of you who have had cats like this know the toll this takes on your mental health.. I've had this cat for almost a decade. Giving him away is literally the last thing I want to do. But I can't do this for another 5-10 years. I'm at my limit. He's been banished from my bedroom tonight and I put his beds in the kitchen (tile flooring). It breaks my heart leaving him alone like that. I just don't know what to do.
Please, if anyone has dealt with a cat like this, let me know if anything you did helped.. Recommendations for cleaning products to get rid of the smell would be great too.. I've made my peace knowing I'm not getting my security deposit back.. Thanks <3

Past experience: I quit masturbation 3 years ago because I saw blood in my semen and Had UTI and ever since my wet dream frequency is not normal I'd say. Cause after that I used to have wet dreams every Single day but now it has gotten better but I will still get a wet the next day if I Look at JUST ONE naked picture
is it normal for 20 years old who is virgin neither watch porn nor jerks off to release drops of semen just becuase of being bricked up? and i have very frequent wet dreams. if i just look up 1 naked picture imma have wet dream the next day otherwise I don't have wet dreams everyday anymore

29/F
Progression of symptoms:
On Monday I returned home from a weekend trip to see my family in Mexico. We were celebrating an engagement and everyone was drinking quite a bit- shots of tequila being passed around every 30 minutes until 4am type stuff. I don’t usually drink that much but I did this time.
On Tuesday I started feeling intense pain after having intercourse with my male partner. At first we chalked it up to going at it too hard and tried to laugh it off, but I was quickly bedridden and in a lot of pain. Pain was at an 8 in my lower abdomen and back. I took a CBD edible and went to bed early.
Wednesday morning I thought I was feeling better. We got up and went to the gym, but by the end of the workout I was starting to feel pain again. The pain was mild, probably at a 3 or 4, but only in my back. I sat in the hot tub for awhile thinking maybe I pulled a muscle or something. Partner went to work and I went home to rest. I didn’t get out of bed for the rest of the day.
Thursday morning I woke up around 4am with the pain back at a 7/8 in my sides and back. I was also feeling nauseous and feverish, so I decided to go to the ER. They did a CT scan and bloodwork, I was diagnosed with a UTI and kidney infection and given IV antibiotics. They also gave me a 10 day prescription to take home.
I have been resting, taking my antibiotics as directed, and hydrating as much as possible but I still don’t feel better. The pain is still there at a solid 6 and I have only gotten out of bed to use the restroom. The nausea is back and I have no appetite. I have had a kidney infection before and started feeling better almost immediately after starting antibiotics, so I’m concerned that I’m not feeling any better after three days.
Is it possible that the antibiotics aren’t working? Do I need to go back to the doctor?

I know not to get medical advice from Reddit, but I’m curious for those that might know something or have personal experience.
I’ve been having an urge to pee a lot since April 20th, I used to go pee only 3-4 times a day but 20th-28th I was peeing upwards to 8-9 times a day. I started holding it in more longer before actually going.
I already got tested for UTI, chlamydia, urine culture test, blood work for diabetes etc all came back negative. I’m waiting on ultrasound results that they did on my bladder and prostate size.
Is it something else or what? I noticed when I masturbate it gets worse the feeling to pee hours later.
My concern is if I do have pelvic floor issues tight or weak, is it forever? Will I be able to drink caffeinated beverages, alcohol, take my pain meds or masturbate freely again or is my life ruined?
I also want to add that I’m not an active person due to disability, but from april 4th to 18th I went on a trip and I was walking all day basically those 2 weeks, writing this just in case it means something.

Please help: bladder pain/reoccurring UTI
Posted with my partners consent and enthusiasm for potential answers. Also created a new account to post this for privacy concerns. So my 32m girl friend 27f and I have been together for almost a year now. She has been struggling the last 10 months with repeating bladder pain, interstitial cystitis, yeast infections, and overall discomfort with her intimate areas. I Feel this is at this time we became intimate, but she denies it is because of me. So much so that she has made multiple emergency room visits (she’s a tough little lady) and countless appointments with urologists and main practitioner from pain. Her health is a major issue for herself, but it also pains me physically and emotionally to see her in so much discomfort, pain, and exhaustion from endless disappointing results. I am just a regular working guy so I really have no clue what to do other than to turn to others who are helpful, knowledgeable, and caring. Once again I’m listing these conditions and medications with consent and help from my partner. Per my partner after asking for complete symptoms. “The bladder problems started after I got the second UTI where I ended up in the hospital in August. This was also when I started getting yeast infections. The bladder problems became severe after they put me on Flagyl for Bacterial Vaginosis at the end of January. I stopped taking the birth control around the 12th of last month. I’m having pelvic discomfort, nausea, headaches, bladder spasms, recurring yeast infections, vaginal dermatitis (I think from the yeast infections), and bladder discomfort. I’m taking Wellbutrin, Buspar, and I started taking Urogesic Blue to help with the bladder pain, but I think it might be causing the nausea and headaches. I’m also on nitrofurantoin for the next five days for the UTI. I take quite a few supplements: fish oil, cranberry, Vitamin D, Folic acid, and probiotics” We have both noticed that each time she has an issue the determined prescription is antibiotics, but the antibiotics always cause yeast infections and bladder pain. We have both been checked for std and Sti near the beginning of our relationship when we both knew we were forever, and wanted to become intimate. So that is out of the question. We switched to wearing condoms when her discomforts started to arise and become consistent. I began to genuinely believe it was me causing the issues, and I still do. We have resorted to wearing sterile gloves when we want to become intimate with my hands during foreplay. I used to really love doing oral on her and have restrained myself for fear of injuring her long term with mouth bacteria(I don’t know, just trying here). She also cleans after each time we are passionate with each other. I love this woman with my entire heart and soul. I will marry this woman. I will care for her always. I want her to be healthy, happy, and not stressing over if she is going to have another episode. Please help with anything you can. She will take all things to her doctor for testing or insight. If you have made it this far, from the both of us, thank you.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Hi there,
I woke up with the worst UTI ever. Have been on the toilet for house with the most burning sensation in my pee hole, smelly urine, having the pee and nothing comes out, all the usual (I used to get UTI’s really regularly, but have been good for the last few years).
I have some antibiotics from an old sinus infection, and have just taken one (Cefalxin) as I can’t get in to the doctors until tomorrow.
While I’m waiting for that to work, any tips? I’m dying over here 😭😭😭😭 so so so uncomfortable. I’ve also taken some ural and herbal urinary tract support vitamins.
Any tips for pain relief would be great!

(To preface: im gonna see a specialist about this but the doctors near me arent that good with trans and intersex care so it might be helpful if i have an idea of whats going on before i see the specialist. The last doctor i saw (gp, not specialist) had no clue what was going on and just referred me without being able to tell me what to expect. Im not asking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has experience with something similar, or has heard of a similar case, it would be great if you could share what the cause was so i can maybe bring it up as a suspicion my next doctors appointment.) Please let me know if this is not appropriate to post and i will take it down.
Im ftm, pre anything. For about a year ive had urinary symptoms that would usually be attributed to a UTI, but they tested for bacteria in my urine and found nothing unusual (the words they used were "mixed growth of doubtful significance"). They put me on antibiotics anyways (twice) and it didnt help. The symptoms ive had for a year are urinary retention and frequency, and straining to urinate. A urine test also found an unusual amount of rbc and wbc. An ultrasound didnt find any abnormal growths or structural issues in the bladder. HOWEVER, for as long as ive known, ive had multiple urine streams (usually 2, sometimes a third). I know it could be that it split later or something, but taking a look at it, the urine seems to either be coming from or very close to the vagina. Upon looking at it, it seems the reason for multiple streams is that the urine is coming from BEHIND the hymen (which afaik is not normal) which has a few openings in it. Also im not sure if this is normal, but surrounding the vagina/urethra complex thing is 2 flaps, almost like a tube (not the labia minora, they are WITHIN the labia minora). The clitoris appear to be a bit enlarged but not by a lot. Aside from this, i have hirsutism and ive been assumed to be a guy even before i socially transitioned and when i wore womens clothes. Ive also had gender dysphoria since at least around age 3 and there were no typical "explanations" (such as trauma, abuse, "lgbt influence") for me to have developed it so young, so i believe my biology played a huge role. I went through mostly typical female puberty but with no growth spurt, slightly lower voice, and a weird non cramp pain in my lower abdomen sometimes, pretty muscular for how little i work out, and irregular period length. I also have a very short and stocky build.
And aside from gender related things, i have EXTREMELY poor vision and arthritis since around age 7(doesnt run in the family), hyperflexible joints, a sacral dimple, and autism. I have very high cholesterol but normal glucose, blood pressure, and weight. According to my dentist, my dental age is very delayed (im almost 20 and have baby teeth, everyone else in the family lost theirs normally) and have suddenly grown about an inch and a half in the past year. Theres a few other things but idk if they are worth mentioning.

Just yesterday I met with a doctor who performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound for concerns of pelvic pain, and everything seemed normal. However, when she asked why I came to see her specifically I told her about my concerns with endo. She said that the only way to diagnose was through a laparoscopy, and that the decision was mine if I wanted to go through with it. My problem is, I don’t know if my symptoms are severe enough to warrant one.
I’ve had thoughts of endo for maybe a year or two now, but only through the last month have I made any forward movement with getting a diagnosis. Below I’m listed some of my symptoms, for reference I’m 20yo and got my first period when I was 12.
Heavy cramping Pelvic pain Back pain Constipation Bloating Need to pee but cant Heavy bleeding Irregular periods Longish periods Pain during sex Fatigue Leg pain Migraines
My symptoms are cyclical, happening when I have my period and roughly around the time I ovulate. For 4-5 years now, my cramps have been so severe I have to take a day off school the first day of my period because I can’t do anything but waste away in pain on the bathroom floor.
My periods have always been irregular, anything from a 28-35 day cycle, and periods lasting either 4 or 10 days. First couple days I typically soak a pad within one to two hours. Last two years, I developed back and pelvic pain with my periods. Additionally, the “I need to pee but cant” feelings accompanied me when I ovulate and when I menstruate. Yes, I’ve gotten test for a uti and yeast infection, they both came back negative.
And since October I developed sciatic pain, which occasionally flares up when I ovulate or menstruate. I read that sciatic pain can be caused by endo, and considering that I haven’t had any real problems with my back or significant injuries, endo might be my only explanation. I bloat after I ingest literally anything, a light snack, some water, or even a full meal. I’m extremely constipated on my period.
And I also experience pain during intercourse. I used to feel like a friction type pain, but my partner and I switched to latex free condoms and that made a difference. However, I still have a like a deep stabbing pain kinda like my bladder is full and it keeps getting punched over and over again. I’m not too sure if that is normal.
All of this to say that I hate being a woman and being on my period is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve talked to my mom and she says a lot of the symptoms are normal, but I’ve read a lot of things and I just feel like what I’m going through isn’t normal. However, I do know I can be a bit of a hypochondriac, and I don’t know if I’m just searching for symptoms or if they’re actually there.
I’m already on birth control, and a lot of people ask why I want a diagnosis when I’m already on treatment. For starters, if something is wrong with me, I’d want to know. But also, I don’t want to be on birth control for the rest of my life if I can avoid it. I also want to have kids, and I want to know if something might interfere with that, if I might be infertile.
I desperately want to get the procedure done, but I’m scared of finding out that I could be wrong about all of this. I’ve made it such a big deal for two years, I’ll be so humiliated if I’m wrong. But I also just want to know. My mom is hesitant, because she doesn’t want me going under general anesthesia if it isn’t necessary. So I’m asking you guys: do you think my symptoms warrant getting a laparoscopy? Am I just being paranoid, and is there anything beneficial with getting an endo diagnosis, or would life be the same even if you didn’t get one?

TL;DR Infection free for 6 months due to pathnostics testing and strong, accurate antibiotics. Still in some pain, but healing more every day. Things that helped are accurate urine testing, pelvic floor therapy, vaginal dilator set, Unlearn your Pain book, regular therapy, and patience.
Hello fellow CUTI survivors,
(25F) It’s been 6 months since I took my last course of heavy hitting antibiotics for an active infection. I am infection free, I’m actively having sex again, and I have some left over pain, but definitely getting better. I think it's worth celebrating!
Infections: My bacteria of choice is E coli. It was E coli every time. It took 4 urologists to actually take me seriously. I had been dealing with CUTI for 2 years and about 9 infections before I got a good doctor who agreed to test me with Pathnostics. We tested and found bacteria, he put me on a low dose of Macrobid. After about a month of that, I was still in pretty consistent pain and felt like something was not right.
We tested again and still found E coli. He gave me a round of levofloxacin (7 days), and I felt a bit better. I re-tested 2 weeks after that, and no infection! None!
A few weeks later I had a painful flare and tested again. No infection!! Since then I have felt no need to test since my pain has improved.
Pain: I still deal with daily pain, but I’m not in pain every day all day. I get it when my bladder is really full, and sometimes when I start the urine flow, but that’s about all. I am having some pain with sex, but it is greatly improving with pelvic floor therapy. What also greatly helped me is working through this book: https://unlearnyourpain.com/unlearn-your-pain-book/
I know that at this point the pain I feel is caused by my brain being stuck in a “pain state”, my poor brain got used to feeling pain, and being in pain, and now it over alerts me to things that don’t need a pain signal (like a bladder being full). This book has helped immensely learn about my body and to quiet the pain signals. These things also take a long time to recover, so I’m trying to be patient.
I know that there is nothing wrong with me because I have had extensive DNA urine testing, and because my pain very much is correlated with stress. When I go on vacation *poof* magically I have no more pelvic pain!
Sex: I’m having sex again at whatever frequency I want to now with my husband! Hooray! This is only possible because of pelvic floor therapy - and specifically because my therapist recommended using a dilator set (https://vwell.com/products/silicone-vaginal-dilator-exerciser-set) to basically help my vagina relax and get used to sex. It has helped so much. I still take a Macrobid before sex preventatively, and honestly I am fine with that because I don’t want to go back to the hell I came from.
Other: I haven’t officially been diagnosed with IC, and I don’t care to be. There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t have any reactions to specific food anymore (acids, sugar, and caffeine used to bother me). D mannose is the only supplement that ever did anything for me.
History with UTI: I started getting UTI’s when I became sexually active. I went through many rounds of antibiotics, only to have the same E coli come back again. I had about 9 active infections.
I hope all of you find healing and peace. You can do this. Do not give up hope. I’ve been where you are and came out the other side.

I benefitted a lot from the advice on this subreddit and used a lot of it to guide my approach to M3 year; now that I've had the chance to sit the exam, I wanted to create an exam write-up in the hopes that it will be useful to others. This write-up is lengthy, as I wanted to include advice for any new M3 students about how to maximize 3rd year, as well as some Step 2-specific strategies and advice.
A little about me: I am a non-traditional student (in my 30s) at a mid-tier US MD school. Pre-clinical grades were good (honored 2nd year, 0.5% away from honoring 1st year). Honored every rotation in 3rd year. I am a peer tutor at my medical school and was actively involved in tutoring 1st and 2nd year students throughout my M3 year and dedicated.
I am a big believer in students teaching students and the idea that if we all work together, we all become better students and clinicians. In that spirit, I welcome you to ask me any questions that you have below.

Overview

In general, my advice boils down to:

1. Don't try to use EVERY resource. Choose a few high-quality resources and really know them well.
2. Doing well on Step 2 (and shelf exams, tbh) requires active learning strategies and continually trying to think about what the next step would be. Practice questions are a great way to do this, but challenge yourself to go beyond what each individual question to build a broader knowledge base. That way, you won't only know the answer to that specific question, but also to a whole host of related questions.

General studying tips for 3rd year + dedicated
I am a big believer that the most effective study strategy involves four big components:

1. A question bank (UWorld) - gives you primary exposure to the material and helps to identify where your gaps are.
2. A system for continuously reviewing content - I used Anki (I discuss this more below). You can also use other strategies (note-taking, old school flash cards), but the important thing is that your review strategy needs to be ACTIVE (i.e., not just re-reading your old notes, but actively quizzing yourself and covering up the answers) and it needs to be CONTINUOUS. I did not pause any Anki cards during 3rd year, so by the time I got to dedicated, I had been actively, continuously reviewing content for months.
3. Resource(s) for primary sources - this is where you go when you need to refresh on pathophysiology, look up treatment/diagnostic testing for a disease, or understand the symptoms. I prefer UpToDate for this broadly, and used some additional resources on specific clerkships that I will discuss below.
4. Practice exams - NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms") and NBME Step 2 practice exams; do them timed to practice pacing.

A note on AMBOSS vs UWorld
A lot of people I know use AMBOSS and like it. Some people want an additional bank of questions to study from. I didn't personally use AMBOSS at all during 3rd year, and only used it for Ethics and QI during dedicated (and honestly, it was only marginally useful - may have gotten me 1 or 2 extra points on the real step 2 exam, but not more than that).
I think the smartest way to approach Q-banks is to make sure you have enough time to complete and thoroughly review at least one. For me, UWorld was more than enough to prepare well for each shelf exam and step 2 (honored every rotation). I think that a lot of people who try to use both AMBOSS and UWorld never finish either Q-bank in its entirety, or don't really review the Q-bank adequately. I decided it was a better use of my time and money to review only one but really know it well.
A note on Anki
Anki is a powerful tool that can really help with your long term retention, but it is dangerous if used incorrectly. I suspect that many people who don't find Anki helpful simply don't use it effectively.
The purpose of Anki is spaced repetition. In order for this to work, you have to keep up with reviews and you can't pause cards. I also caution students I tutor to be cautious of relying solely on a premade Anki deck; I used the AnKing deck, as well as this deck and a home-brew deck at my medical school.
During M3 year, I would start each rotation with UWorld from day 1, and as I came across each concept in UWorld, I would do a search through my Anki cards and unpause all the cards that related to that topic (so, for instance, when I got a question about diverculitis, I would then unpause all the diverticulitis cards). I found that doing this ensured that the new Anki cards I was adding were reviews of concepts I had just studied (via UWorld), so I was able to both reinforce the new content via Anki and also ensure that the new Anki cards I was adding were concepts that I was actually familiar with. I recommended this approach over the one that I saw many classmates using (just unpausing all the cards tagged for a clerkship at the start of the clerkship and "raw dogging" them, as my friend put it). It's also a good way to keep your daily new cards (and thus, your reviews) at a manageable number. On a typical day in 3rd year, I added between 50-100 new cards and averaged 250-350 reviews daily. I was nearly always able to complete my reviews while I was at the hospital each day, leaving my home study time free for UWorld.
More on how to effectively use Anki
A note on staying sane and prioritizing high-yield content
As others have said, I think that the best way to do extremely well on Step 2 CK is to approach M3 as a yearlong dedicated period. Doing well on Step 2 is not just about your preparation for the Step 2 exam, but also your learning during each rotation and your preparation for your shelf exams. Even if you're not at all interested in a particular specialty, there is a lot to learn from each rotation that will be valuable to you as a future physician. Additionally, each specialty has its own way of approaching medical decision-making, and paying attention to these patterns of thought can help you to reason through questions on exams, as well as be a better communicator with physicians in each specialty when you become a resident and attending.
As you progress through 3rd year, there are also a few things that I think it's wise to keep in mind:

• Remember that you are a person first and a medical student/doctor second. I put this first because it's the most important. It's hard to learn when your basic needs aren't being met or you're so anxious, stressed, or depressed you can't remember anything. Find something that keeps you grounded and whole and sane and make that a priority. For me, it's distance running. I ran nearly every day of 3rd year and dedicated (often at 3 AM, before rounds). I finished 3 marathons during M3 and dedicated, including running the Boston Marathon 2 weeks before I took step 2. Running relieves anxiety, gives me an excuse to step away from studying, and evens out my mood. In total, I ran over 2500 miles during my M3 year. I don't think I would have done anywhere near as well in M3 without it.
• Get really, really good at preventive care. The US Preventive Services Task Force guidelines are highly tested on all shelf exams and on Step 2, and there really aren't that many of them. Before my family med rotation, I made an Anki deck of the A and B recommendations based on the most recent updates and kept those in rotation through Step 2 (about 150 cards total). If you're at the beginning of M3 year, (or really any point in M3) I would suggest doing this right now. Every time you see a patient in clinic, think about "what screening exams should this patient have". If you get in the habit of always doing this, by the time you get to the exam, those screening questions will be free points (and there are usually a bunch of them).
• Try to approach every patient encounter as though you are the sole physician responsible for that patient's care. Formulate your own plan independently of residents or attendings. Ask questions about all these things in your patient interview, and present the answers to your attending. You will learn more if you push yourself to try to think about management from the beginning of 3rd year rather than relying on plans from your residents.
• Pay attention to sensitivity and specificity of tests. This is becoming a bigger and bigger deal on NBMEs and Step 2. Knowing sensitivity and specificity can help you determine whether a given finding in a question stem is significant or not.
• Look up every imaging test and diagnostic procedure you come across, whether in clinic or on a practice exam. A good rule of thumb for whether you understand a test is "Do I know when this test is appropriate, when it is inappropriate, and could I explain it to a patient?". I had a surgery fellow pimp me on when to order an ERCP vs MRCP; this stuff is important because it prevents unnecessary testing and allows you to get the most "bang for your buck", both in terms of diagnostic accuracy and scoring points on the "next step" questions on exams.
• Pay attention to thresholds for follow-up observation vs treatment. If a patient has a AAA that's 3 cm, you do serial ultrasounds and watch it clinically; if it's 7 cm, you operate. Many, many conditions have similar thresholds, and you should look for the differences in how you manage a condition based on the thresholds. Sometimes this stuff is buried in the UWorld explanations, so when you see it, make a flash card or add it to your review.
• Know the USPSTF screening guidelines like the back of your hand. There aren't that many of them, and it's basically free points on every single shelf exam + step 2. Make a flash card deck with the most updated versions on day 1 and review it throughout 3rd year. Especially high yield on FM + IM, but they appear on every shelf.
• Think about what things a specialty "cares about" when you're rotating on that specialty.
  • OBGYN: gestational age, STI history/screening, social/fam Hx of risk factors for gyn cancers (breast, cervical, ovarian, endometrial).
  • Surgery: is the patient safe to take to surgery (comorbidities, heart failure, coagulopathies, meds, etc)? When is surgery indicated (i.e., do they have to go now, or can they wait)? Antibiotic prophylaxis (who needs it, and what antibiotics)? Post-op complications (the "5 W's", leaks, nearby structures that can be injured)? Normal post-op care/patient safety (DVT prophylaxis, catheter removal, infections, etc).
  • Peds: developmental milestones/normal development/growth curves, rashes (pediatricians love rashes), upper respiratory infections, stuff that gets treated differently in kids (ex. febrile UTI), neonatal hyperbilirubinemia (basically guaranteed to get at least one question on this on any peds exam)
  • IM: Preventive care/screening, vaccines, hypertension, diabetes, heart failure, ACS, liver failure/cirrhosis.
  • FM: IM + Peds + OBGYN, with a heavy focus on preventive screenings
  • Psych: Pay attention to timelines; think of every psych disease as a continuum (i.e., <1 mo = brief psychotic disorder, 1-6 mo = schizophreniform, 6+ = schizophrenia, schizophrenia + mood symptoms = schizophreniform). Find something that makes sense to you for the personality disorders (I personally mapped them all onto Harry Potter characters and now I will never have to re-learn them).
  • Neuro: Differentiating causes of stroke, multiple sclerosis, when to get an MRI (answer: always get an MRI in neuro), different types of dementia

Subject Review

This section is intended for those who are starting or still in the midst of M3 year. If you're already in dedicated, this section may be less useful.
For all rotations, my strategy was generally:

1. Complete the UWorld Shelf exam Q-bank with 1-2 weeks to spare
2. Make/unpause Anki cards as I worked through UWorld
3. Take timed NBME practice shelf exams regularly throughout the rotation(I sat down at the start of each rotation and planned these out every 1-2 weeks so they were evenly spaced throughout the rotation). Get through every practice exam by the end of the rotation. Doing them timed is important because it helps you to practice pacing. One 50-question exam at 90 seconds/ question = 75 minutes total. I also wrote down the diagnosis for each question so that when I reviewed the exam, I could see whether any wrong answers were a problem with making the wrong diagnosis vs knowing the next step. Doing the NBME shelf exams also gives you a good sense of what the "pet concepts" that tend to occur over and over are (for instance, SCFE vs Legg-Calve-Perthes comes up shockingly often)

Order of rotations:
I did my rotations in the order listed below and I really liked this order. I know many people advocate for finishing on Internal Medicine, but I was very glad I started with it, because I think it laid a strong foundation for everything else. As long as you have a solid strategy for reviewing the IM content continuously throughout the year, I think it's a smart choice for the first rotation, especially because basically every other shelf exam will have 5-10 IM questions on it.
Medicine
Resources: UWorld (IM shelf bank + 1/2 of Ambulatory), Case Files Internal Medicine (did ~50% of it), USPSTF A & B guidelines, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms"), Emma Holliday review
Advice: If you have free time 1-2 weeks before starting IM, get through as much of Case Files as you can. It lays a good base and helps you get into the mindset of IM. Once you start the rotation, crank through UWorld. I'd suggest trying to finish the UWorld Q's with 1-2 weeks to spare at the end of the clerkship in which you can review incorrects and/or shore up any weak areas.
Raw Score: 85
Neurology
Resources: UWorld, Case Files: Neurology, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms")
Advice: Case Files Neuro is a little in the weeds, but it will help a lot with some of the more off-the-wall pathologies that aren't really seen in the UWorld bank.
Raw Score: 90
Psychiatry
Resources: UWorld, Case Files: Psych, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms"). A lot of people swear by First Aid for the Psychiatry Clerkship; I didn't use it (but I think Case Files accomplished much the same purpose)
Advice: Pay attention to timelines + enjoy the psychation! This is the lightest rotation for most people. Take it in the summer if at all possible and enjoy the nice weather and free time. If you can, get it somewhere in the middle of 3rd year so you can have a little break.
Raw Score: 94
Family Medicine
Resources: UWorld (FM bank + 1/2 of ambulatory bank), Case Files: Family Med, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms"), USPSTF A & B guidelines, CDC vaccination schedules
Advice: Try to take FM after IM, if at all possible. DO NOT underestimate the family medicine shelf exam. It is the broadest shelf exam, and it's heavily weighted towards prevention, so plan your studying accordingly. Know the USPSTF guidelines and vaccine schedules like the back of your hand (this is at least 25-30% of the shelf exam).
Raw Score: 85
Surgery
Resources: UWorld (Surgery bank + EM bank), de Virgilio's Surgery, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms") for EM and Surgery, American College of Surgeons TEAM (Trauma Evaluation and Management) course book, Emma Holliday review
Advice: The surgery shelf exam focuses heavily on the pre- and post-surgical management of surgical patients, trauma assessment (hence the EM questions/CMS forms above), and knowing the indications for surgery. You will not be asked how to do a surgery on the shelf exam, but you will be expected to know when a surgery is indicated vs when medical management should be used instead (and also what that medical management is). De Virgilio's is a great and under-utilized resource that has a fantastic question bank at the end of each chapter. I would recommend reading at least the GI, vascular, breast, endocrine, and trauma sections (and honestly, as much of it as you have time for).
Raw Score: 85
Obstetrics and Gynecology
Resources: UWorld, Case Files: OBGYN, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms"), ACOG guidelines, UWise questions
Advice: OBGYN is all about timelines (at least, the OB part is). Pay attention to gestational age requirements for diagnosis of various conditions. Know the various labs that are used to diagnose Pre-eclampsia with severe features, and really pay attention to risk factors for the various obstetric complications. As one nurse midwife I worked with put it, "The biggest risk factor anything in L & D is usually a history of the same complication". I didn't really find the UWise Q-bank that useful, but if you have extra time, it's a nice source of extra practice questions, or a good way to reinforce any trouble spots.
Raw Score: 87
Pediatrics
Resources: UWorld, Case Files: Pediatrics, NBME practice shelf exams ("CMS forms"), CDC vaccination schedule, Emma Holliday review
Advice: Know the general trends of pediatric vital signs (what's normal for an adult is abnormal for most pediatric patients and vice versa), pay attention to rashes and dermatology, and review these as often as possible. It's well worth your time to do a good review of all the glycogen storage diseases, inborn errors of metabolism, lysosomal storage diseases, etc that you forgot after Step 1. For this reason, if you can do Peds as your last rotation before Step 2 it's kind of nice...then you only have to re-learn all this stuff once. This stuff is fair game for Step 2 (and I did personally get questions on it on my exam).
Raw Score: 91

Dedicated Study

I completed my first pass of UWorld during my M3 core rotations with an average of 74%. I did reset UWorld and begin a 2nd pass during dedicated, but I found that the questions repeated a lot of content that I knew well, and ultimately decided it wasn't a good use of my time. I only completed about 20% of my 2nd pass of UWorld with an average of 92%.
My main resources during dedicated were NBME practice exams (I did 8-14 timed), UWSAs, and the Free 120. I also listened to some Divine Intervention episodes on my runs and reviewed the Emma Holliday shelf exam reviews (I had previously listened to these during my M3 rotations). Of the podcasts, I found the Divine Intervention Free 120 review the most helpful, and would strongly recommend listening to those episodes after you take the Free 120. It did a lot to help me with some test taking strategies that I used on exam day.
General advice for dedicated:

• Keep on a regular sleep schedule, even on your days off. I went to bed at 10 and got up at 6 every day, because I wanted my schedule to be close to what I would need to do on test day.
• Take days off. I took at least 1/2 a day off every week. I also ran a major marathon 2 weeks before my test day, so that was a very light weekend in terms of studying.
• Keep exercising and doing things you enjoy. For me, this meant running a marathon (something I do regularly). You don't have to go as crazy as I did, but do something to get outside and stay active. It will help you keep the anxiety under control and see the sunlight every so often.
• Take practice exams regularly and spend plenty of time reviewing them. I made a google doc to keep track of incorrects and assigned each one to a category of "why I got it wrong" (i.e., "overthinking", "knowledge gap", "guessed wrong of 2", etc). This helps to identify trends. I found that I have a tendency to overthink questions, so identifying this helped me to address this weakness and gave me confidence to go with my gut instinct on the exam.
• Don't be afraid to adjust your study plan during dedicated. I started a 2nd pass of UWorld, but after about 2 weeks of dedicated, I felt like I wasn't really getting anything additional out of it and I was remembering too many of the questions from my 1st pass, so I just stopped using it. I spent that time on other resources instead (more practice exams). Take the time to really analyze which activities are actually helping your learning. Don't just do something because that's what everyone else is doing during their dedicated.
• Keep up with your review strategy. For me, this was Anki. I spent 2-4 hours every morning during dedicated doing Anki. At times, I worried that this was too much time on Anki, but part of what makes Step 2 (and all USMLE exams) challenging is the sheer breadth of content. The best way to prep for this is to keep consistent with your review strategy.
• If there's a concept you dread seeing in a question stem, STOP, do not pass Go, do not collect $20. Take a second to go to a primary source (UpToDate, a textbook) and review that content. Make some flash cards and review it regularly.
• Practice your timing. I came up with my exam day break strategy at the start of my dedicated, and every time I took a practice exam, I practiced my break strategy (at least, the first 5 blocks of my break strategy). This made it very easy for me to execute on test day because I was already used to doing 5 blocks in a row exactly this way. I took my lunch break after block 5 instead of block 4 (because I liked the psychological factor of knowing the exam was more than halfway done). Coming back for 3 more was no problem on test day.

My practice exam scores:
CCSE: 254 (my school requires this, and it was given a few days after the final shelf exam, right at the start of my dedicated period)
NBME 9 (30 days out) 269
NBME 10 (21 days out) 268
NBME 11 (18 days out) 262
NBME 12 (15 days out) 251
NBME 13 (7 days out) 264
NBME 14 (2 days out) 264
UWSA 1 (25 days out) 254
UWSA 2 (9 days out) 268
UWSA 3 (5 days out) 266
New Free 120 (3 days out) 85%
Predicted score: 265

The Day Before

Just take a break, for the love of all that is good. I went for a run, watched some old TV, read for fun, had a nice pasta dinner, and tried to go to bed early. Laid out everything I needed (lucky t-shirt, snacks, testing permit, ID, keys, etc).
Of course, I ended up tossing and turning most of the night and slept very poorly. When I woke up, I considered trying to postpone my test, but ultimately I decided I just wanted it over and done with and I wasn't willing to wait any longer. My point here is that even if you have anxiety and/or a single bad night of sleep before the exam, you can still do very well if you've done the work. As we say in the marathon world, trust your training.

The Test

Got to the testing center 45 minutes early. Made sure the last thing I did before going through security was to take a bathroom break. Brought plenty of snacks, headache medication, chocolate, and a healthy and delicious lunch (I think there's some psychological power in knowing you have a delicious lunch awaiting you).
During the exam, I took a break of at least 5 min after every block. Personally, I found the mental break was extremely helpful. On the whole, I found the exam to be quite reasonable.
Step 2 CK: 277
My last piece of advice will be that I think doing well throughout third year is the best thing you can do. If you've had a break after 3rd year or you are an IMG or someone coming from a non-traditional program, doing a thorough content review with the CMS forms before starting Step 2 specific practice exams is a good idea.
Ultimately, I think the most important things are:
1.) Choosing a FEW, QUALITY resources to review
2.) Continuing your ACTIVE, CONTINUOUS review strategy
3.) Keeping a consistent schedule with time for sleep, healthy eating, exercise, and something you find fun (ideally something other than TV).
4.) Staying off Reddit. Really, I mean it. Especially during dedicated, it's just a black hole of anxiety and angst and you should avoid it at all costs. Come back after you get your amazing scores and pay it forward to others.

I am 20 years old
So in october of 2022 i was playing with my prostate for the first time using a pen and after that i had recurrent UTIs that resolved (havent had one since august) and weak urine flow (still have it). I did bruise myself but it was gone very fast and i didnt feel any pain at all. I was doing it in an up and down motion. But the thing that worried me are the erections.
Since then, i could get erections but only with stimulation (unless i am lying down or sitting and even then they are soft) or (sometimes, but rarely) with morning wood. I have never had sex but i was very anxious about my future sex life, because when I do get a FULL erection, i am pretty much near climax which sucks. Ik it may not seem serious since thankfully i could still get erections, but its like it is not there. Kinda like my pelvic muscles are weaker, you know. I cant control it. I couodnt get it to stay up and even if i tried i would have to really push my muscles in and even then it works for a couple of seconds. Before all of this i could get it in no time and it wouldnt go down even after i stopped thinking about sexual things. After this incident however, no stimulation would cause it to go down. I have noticed that edging does help and my erections stays up (when sitting or lying down) but even then its kinda here and there.
I have been to the doctor and tehy were more concerned about my utis, since i dont have a partner. And while i do undersrand that, i just didnt (well i still dont) know wtf this is. Is it prostate? I am scared that i fucked up my prostate nerves but my doctor told me that it is bery hard to do Idk... Motion that i used for prostate play was "upd and down fast motion". I inserted a pen and went up and down fast while masturbating. Sometimes pushed in too. But i didnt feel ANY pain at all. Amybe ot was adrenaline that caused me not to feel pain but i doubt it. I was also scared of venous leak but i am pretty sure prostate paly cant cause it.
Well tbh, now things are getting better. I can get erections even when standing. Sometimes very hard and sometimes they are up bit a bit softer. So... Maybe i am healing?
I've had abdominal ultrasound and everything was normal.
What could this be and is it temporary (esp since i am healing, i giess)? Could pills help? Apparently if it is nerve problem in prostate, they could help esp since i CAN get full/almost full erections and pills basically push blood insode the penis. Thats the thing i do. But my pelvic muscles feel disconected (still tbh, even tho getting erections isnt a problem) from my penis.
Btw that was my first and only time i did prostate play

1.5 years ago I got the UTI of all UTIs. 2 rounds of antibiotics later, the pain was worse than ever. I also noticed other bodily things like malodour, floater in my eye, pririformis syndrome, dizziness, hair loss, and more. I didn’t have flares. I had 24/7 constant symptoms. Sometimes they were a level ten, sometimes lower, but bottom line is something felt “wrong” down there. I tried everything:

• acupuncture
• acupressure
• long term antibiotics (embedded UTI) for 10 months with one of the famous embedded UTI doctors. I was extremely symptomatic before, during, and after stopping (which I had to do because my gut couldn’t handle it anymore). For 5 of those 10 months, I was on 2 antibiotics simultaneously.
• biofilm busters
• Hiprex
• TONS of pelvic floor physio with a couple of different providers
• yoga
• 10s of thousands of dollars spent on naturopaths & their protocols including Lyme and Mold
• castor oil packs
• sauna sessions
• IC diet
• low oxalate diet
• CBT/therapy
• had every scan in the book (CT, MRI, tons of ultrasounds)
• several emergency room trips

These all helped for the first few days I did them, and then before I knew it I was back in the exact same position. I effectively went completely and totally insane. I called off my wedding. I developed agoraphobia. I became someone I didn’t even recognize and I told my partner (we were newly engaged) to go on and live without me. My next options were bladder fulguration and, if that didn’t work, bladder removal. I’m so glad I didn’t do those before I discovered the below 👇🏼
So, what worked?
It turns out I didn’t have IC. It turns out I actually had something that’s extremely commonly misdiagnosed as IC, and that’s Tension Myoneural Syndrome (TMS for short).
It took me a while to believe it, a couple of months to be exact. In fact I scoffed it off for months and months. But I sit here to tell you I’m COMPLETELY and totally symptom & pain free, I’m eating everything I please just as I used to before, and I have every inch of my life back. There is not one thing I can’t do. In fact, my life is now BETTER than it ever was before I was diagnosed with IC.
What I did: 1. I used the Curable app. I only did the EDUCATION exercises although it does also offer journaling exercises and meditation. I tried both but never found them as effective as education. They have some mini exercises of what to do with the information like changing your language around pain and creating mantras. These actually do work. Which makes sense, because virtually all chronic pain is created by the brain (not saying this is in your head IC is very real pain, there’s no such thing as fake pain) and the more you learn about the science of pain and how it actually works, the more you have the ability to turn it off. Don’t believe me? https://www.solent.nhs.uk/media/1755/explain-pain-booklet-final-version-comms-edited.pdf

1. Watch the “IC”/ pelvic pain success stories on Dan Buglio’s YouTube page. My personal favorite is this one but there are plenty more where this came from: https://youtu.be/iBCZs_42Lp0?si=siZ8pjjS6d1TzuM6
   
2. Listen to the “IC”/pelvic pain success stories on Nicole Sachs’ “the Cure for Chronic Pain podcast”. Again my personal favorite is this one but there are plenty more where this came from: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5MQxVUXZ1kuUyrUrP4HOzm?si=tgcvtDkeQFSIpodHaghqFA
   
3. Education is the only way to rewire neural pathways. Of course there are exercises like journaling, etc but none of those will do anything if the belief is not there because belief is what creates new neural pathways (subconscious brain). How do you gain belief? Education.
   

Im not even a little bit afraid of the symptoms ever coming back because I now know exactly what they are and I know how to get rid of them.
I’m wishing you all healing and hope.
EDIT: added direct links to my favorite podcasts & added an information sheet that very well encompasses a lot of what I learned on the app. I really appreciate the few nice comments and the beautiful DMs I got. For those who were not so nice, I get it and I hold space to have empathy for you because I was exactly you. I hope the added context clears up the confusion.

Hello all,
Thought maybe some in this group can relate because I need help.
My father (78), has really deteriorated since coming down with the flu in March. He has been in and out of the hospital for a total of about a month and a half, a month consecutively being his longest stretch. He was in a rehab facility that was horrendous; I got him out by requesting a transport back to the hospital and vowing to not return him to the rehab. He was diagnosed with a SEVERE UTI. (As in, his urine was actually thick, like a sludge. I've never seen him so dehydrated). I blame rehab, but that's neither here nor there at the moment.
He has had about 6 separate UTIs in the past almost two months. He is scheduled for a new (much better) rehab around 5/25. Prostate surgery, which is scaring me based on his condition, on 5/29. His prostate is enlarged and blocking everything. It is that or a catheter for the rest of his life, and after a few days of dealing with it, we both agreed (along with my brother), that's not a good option due to how inconvenient it is. So... we must gamble with the surgery.
My problem is that he is EXTREMELY EXTREMELY weak and fatigued all the time. He fell (did not injure himself) when his knees buckled two days ago and I could not lift him. The neighbor came to help. For reference I am 5'1, about 160 pounds, and he is 6'1, about 210 pounds. Even trying to get him "up" is a challenge because he has no strength and I'm unable to help him stand.
Worth noting: -we have a PT and OT therapist coming twice next week, and a nurse's aide twice next week. His insurance dictates the amount of visits. So far they have not been very helpful. -we have a walker and wheelchair but trying to get him to use the walker more since he needs to build up his strength. -He does have medical problems (A fib, diabetes, the UTIs which he is on strong antibiotics for, possibly heart failure, little to no appetite... but the hospital visits were mainly treating the UTIs. Hence, my fear of surgery if he is medically cleared to get it done. -he does drink fluids though I typically have to remind him to do so. -I am out on leave from my job so I am always here with him. We live together in the same house.
I don't know if the weakness is coming from being immobilized for so long (very little walking in both the hospital stays and rehab, which was why he was there in the first place (also worth noting, not our choice of rehab, but insurance's), something heart or diabetes related, or from a medicine he is taking (I can add in comments if necessary). He has an appt with his Gastro dr Monday, primary Tuesday, cardiologist 5/30 though I'm trying to get it bumped up before the surgery.
I am so worried about everything all the time. It's me and him; my brother is in NJ and cannot come down (SC) as often as he'd like. I don't know what to do. Are there even medications to help someone's strength? The new rehab will be focusing on PT but between now and then I am so worried he'll fall or just want to lay in bed. And the surgery is constantly on my mind.
How do you deal with this? What options do I have? I do reach out for help when I need it but for example, it took me an hour yesterday to get him cleaned up since he had a bowel accident. I called the nurse's aide but by the time she called back it was done. I am not going to call a neighbor for something like that; he has his pride and dignity and already feels guilty I have to do it. He tells me I should "go back home and live my life.." I tell him no way unless he comes with me! I am single, probably always will be, and a mom to cats, lol.
I love my dad with all my heart and do not know what I'll do if or when he passes. I just need help in the meantime. If you have suggestions I would be so appreciative.
Thank you for reading this novel. God bless!

I’ll always feel guilty for the loss of a potential family, but I desperately want this man off my mind. I don’t even know where to begin. I just have a lot to say and no one who really has the time to listen. I’ll try to stay vague but our social circles don’t really intermingle and I don’t think I know anyone on here in real life. I can barely remember specific moments or map together periods of time cohesively but I’ll try my best. I used bullet points on my notes app to try to organize the important parts. So if it reads weird or blocky, I apologize. Trying to post multiple places for multiple opinions.
I hate to admit that I think I 23/F still love my baby’s father 30/M. That may not even be true. I’m hoping it’s just the drastic hormone changes after having a baby. I don’t want to reconcile or get back together, I just want a genuine opinion from anyone that bothers to read the entire thing or advise from anyone that may have been in a similar situation. It was a very toxic and abusive relationship due to both parties. I toyed with his feelings until it was too late and he would drink and get physical. I was always accusing him of cheating or wanting to cheat because my ex had cheated. Meanwhile I was in fact projecting in a way because I was still messaging said ex. Ex and I were friends before we had dated and were together for 2 years. He had cheated on his other relationships so I should have seen it coming, but he ended up trying to cheat on me and I ended things. I was 19-20 at the time and joined tinder. Experimented a little but ended up hooking up with a guy that had a crush on me in HS. We only hooked up 2-3 times but it started getting weird and I chickened out. Then I got an apartment and a better job and started casually hooking up with the ex again. I think he had a gf at this time but I didn’t ask. At the new job is where I met BD. He started a few weeks after me. I was 20 and he was 28 at the time. We started hanging out after work to smoke. It’s not something I would normally do with just one person and he wasn’t really my type. But the hangouts got longer and more frequent. And I ended up cutting the ex off again. A couple months in, I moved in way too soon because my roommate and I didn’t get along. My ex would still message me occasionally for some reason. He definitely had a gf at this time. Some would be nudes. I didn’t encourage the behavior but I also didn’t discourage it. Bd saw the messages while we were on vacation and was understandably upset. I was upset with myself for responding. I justified it to myself by claiming I was trying to waste his time. In reality he was wasting mine and not suffering in the slightest. There couldn’t have been a worse moment for him to find the messages. The week was supposed to be a huge step in our relationship and I could see how crushed he was. If I were him I would have left me in the hotel states away and gone home that morning. The whole ride home I was sick. I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling, over something I so easily could have avoided and someone I had no interest in romantically or sexually anymore. I believe this is the first time Things got physical but as I said, the timeline is super blurry now. Regardless, if it was the first time, it should’ve been the last. No one should put up with being hit. And No one should feel that their only option is to put their hands on someone. This was when we were finally getting back to his house in our own state. He had picked up a few beers before hand, and that was generally his fuel to either argue or get violent. He had slapped me, choked me and spit in my face, all to which I gave him no reaction. I just sat on the bed silently, or tried to lock myself in the bathroom. He would walk away to smoke a cigarette and immediately come back to fight some more. He told me to pack up my shit but got more pissed off when he came inside to see me packing up my shit. I eventually got a few things packed up and made it to my grandmas’s house. We both calmed down and after a few calls and texts. he wanted to see where I was staying. I picked him up and brought him to my grandma‘s house. (Note: I should probably add that right before we got together. He got in a car accident that totally totaled his car and got a DUI. Since then I had been his ride and always joked That that’s all he kept me around for) We arrived at my grandma’s house, where she had a guestroom ready for me. He just sat on the bed with his head down and cried. He said that it looked like it was so easy for me to move on without him. Looking back, this should’ve been another red flag. All I had was a place to stay after being kicked out. He couldn’t accept that I would land on my feet without him. Most of my belongings were still at his house, and I didn’t want to burden my grandmother any further So I ended up going back with him. At this time I was still apologizing to him for what I had done and how I had made him react. One night after an argument, and a rough day in general. He walked out to grab a case of beer from the gas station and didn’t come back for hours. When I finally went out looking for him, he was at the spot that we had first kissed. There He told me I was holding him back From what he envisioned for his future. It was a lot more drawn out, less cohesive and not so nice (he had been well into his beer by then) but that was the gist of it. One of my biggest fears is being a burden, or anyone holding some secret resentment towards me. Him drinking only let me know how he truly felt and how he wanted to react. I could never put the same effort into the relationship after that. I felt like it was already over and had been over for a long time. A while later, he had seen that my ex reached out again nothing flirtatious this time, but he was still upset, understandably. He got violent again, and I locked myself in the bathroom. He took my keys and my phone and said he was going to go find him. I packed up a few things again and tried to walk over to my dad‘s house. His mission was futile and he ended up finding me walking and brought me back home. The whole night was tense and I didn’t feel safe in the morning before he woke up. I started quietly packing up my things. He woke up and immediately flew into a rage and started dumping my things out onto the ground. I called my mom to help me get out all the big things because I wanted to be all out in one trip. As I was leaving, he was screaming at my mother and I about how much a piece of shit I was, but was right back to begging for me back as soon as I was down the road. This was a reoccurring cycle for us. I’d always keep my phone and keys together in a designated spot in the house so I could get them quickly if I needed to leave. The ex no longer reached out, but we were both still suspicious of one another. Sometimes I would be gone for days sometimes weeks my belongings no longer came back because it didn’t feel like home anymore. It didn’t Feel like a safe or stable place for me. This also made him upset. Every time I would leave we would still text every day. It was an extremely toxic situation. During one period of time that i was gone He had one of our coworkers over for about a week sleeping in my bed with my cats. Throughout our entire relationship and our brakes I never met up with another person. I did leave so I didn’t have the right to be too upset. But He wasted no time having her over for an extended period of time while still begging for me to come back every day. Then I had to coax this information out of him after finding her clothes all over the house. I couldn’t get over the feeling that he had her and others lined up for when I was gone and him wanting me back meant nothing. By this time the dude I had gone to school/hooked up with had started at our job (This would seem like a cruel joke but we were in the same trade and this was one of the only decent jobs in our town.) I guess we had had a silent mutual agreement to keep out past between us because they became friends. Well, After finding out about his coworker, I told him about mine. It didn’t matter that the dates didn’t overlap. He went nutts. I don’t remember exactly how it all went down after that, but I left of course and he ended up going to this 20 year olds apartment. His roommate answered and BD demanded to know where this dude was and ends up slapping the roommate. (I have no idea why I kept going back. Typing this out, I feel so stupid. He was clearly fucking crazy and my brain was telling me to get the fuck out.) I was already suspicious of him because of how we both acted before we got together, but all of this just made it so much worse. I wanted to know why he felt the need to intimidate me into staying with him and calling it “crazy love” when he could so easily move on and leave me alone. (Why did infidelity have to be the dealbreaker and not everything else?) Bringing up my suspicions or insecurities, just made him defensive and occasionally violent. I never got any reassurance and my reasons for staying were few and far between. Then we found out I was pregnant. We found out when I was about seven weeks pregnant. The last time we had gotten into a physical fight I had been about 4 to 5 weeks pregnant. I was scared. Bd seemed happy. He said he wanted to be a family. Over the next few weeks, I was having extremely bad morning sickness I was in and out of the hospital on an IV for fluids and couldn’t leave our bedroom or bathroom. I still had to drive him to and from work which was only about 30 min round trip but I’d always have to stop on the side of the road to puke. (Note: There were five cats living in this house that I was Feeding and cleaning up after. We inherited two from the homeowner and three were ours) The house started to smell because I could no longer keep up with the cats, and this just made my morning sickness even worse. On top of this, I was having extremely bad back pain that I thought was just a symptom of pregnancy. After one of my trips to the hospital for fluids, they informed me that I had a UTI. I was about 10-11 weeks pregnant by then. I tried to tell him that I needed help with the house and that it was making me miserable. He just expressed that I would be complaining regardless. Whether it be about him spending enough time with me, helping clean, or working. This wasn’t even the worst of the treatment that I had received, but being pregnant, This was the last straw. I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into the abusive cycle that we were putting each other through. I don’t remember exactly how it happened. At this point I was looking for any reason to leave. But it happened and again I started packing up my shit. This time he barely put up a fight. He tried to dump my stuff out on the floor once, but I said if he tried to put his hands on me, I’d call the police this time. He sat in the kitchen on his phone until I was done packing. As I was carrying my belongings out to my car still weak and sick, we were screaming back-and-forth about how much we hated each other, and how I would never give him the chance to put his hands on my child. He shouted that he didn’t think the baby was even his, to which I replied, “Good, then I’ll never have to fight you in court”. That was our last face to face interaction. I filed for a civil protection order. It’s been about a year and since then, he has been claiming to his coworkers and his mother that my ex is the father. His mother doesn’t seem to believe him as she had kept in contact with me throughout my pregnancy, and since the baby’s been born. She requests a paternity test just to be sure, but I have no doubts that the baby is his. I am almost positive that he knows the baby is his too. His claims of me cheating are only his way of justifying me leaving and making it my fault. I sent her the information to reach out for a paternity test, but she hasn’t shown me any indication that he wants to be part of the baby’s life. Any time she brings up the situation to him, he gets angry with her and hangs up. I don’t know what’s going on in his life and I don’t want to. I’d only obsess over it and make myself upset if I did. I assume he’s living his dream and chasing his goals without me there to hold him back, especially with a child. Even after typing all this out and rereading and editing, I still miss him. I shouldn’t. I can’t tell if it’s the cycle calling me back or the drastic changes in hormones. I can’t even think of a reason that I should miss him. I don’t even think I miss him, just his presence or energy? It’s so hard to explain and I don’t want to feel this way. I have nightmares about trying to get away from him and out of the house but try to force myself back into the same dream just so I can see him. Is this normal? Do any other moms feel this way? Only attracted to the baby’s father even while split up? I have no sex drive when I used to be a fiend. I heard this can be a side-effect of the drastic hormone changes, but I don’t even feel an attraction anymore. Unless they’re a very specific type (My BD). I have no desire to move on or find a romantic connection. I do more harm than good and I’d rather focus on being a mom (which I’m loving aside from this issue).I know there’s no way of going back even if I wanted to. The damage has been more than done. I just want to make moving on easier and forget him. Do I just have to wait?

Introduction: Circumcision surgery is a common medical procedure that involves the removal of the foreskin, the protective covering of the head of the penis. It is one of the oldest and most widely practiced surgical procedures worldwide, with cultural, religious, and medical significance. While circumcision is often performed for cultural or religious reasons, it also has medical benefits and potential risks that individuals should be aware of before making a decision.
Procedure: During circumcision surgery, the foreskin is removed from the penis under sterile conditions. The procedure is typically performed by a trained healthcare professional, such as a urologist or pediatric surgeon, either in a hospital or clinic setting. Local or general anesthesia may be used to minimize discomfort during the procedure, depending on the patient's age and medical history.
The surgeon begins by cleaning and numbing the penis. Then, they carefully remove the foreskin using surgical instruments such as a scalpel or a specialized circumcision device. Finally, the incision site is closed with sutures or surgical glue, and a protective dressing may be applied to promote healing.
Benefits: Circumcision surgery offers several potential benefits, including:

1. Reduced risk of urinary tract infections (UTIs) in infants.
2. Lower risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV.
3. Decreased risk of penile cancer.
4. Easier hygiene, as circumcision may make it easier to clean the penis.
5. Prevention of certain foreskin-related conditions, such as phimosis (tight foreskin) or paraphimosis (trapped foreskin).

It's important to note that while circumcision may offer these benefits, they vary depending on individual factors such as age, medical history, and personal preferences.
Risks: Like any surgical procedure, circumcision carries some risks, including:

1. Bleeding and infection at the surgical site.
2. Pain or discomfort during and after the procedure.
3. Rare complications such as excessive bleeding, damage to the penis, or unfavorable cosmetic outcomes.
4. Potential psychological effects, particularly if circumcision is performed without consent or for non-medical reasons.

It's essential for individuals considering circumcision to discuss these risks with a healthcare provider and weigh them against the potential benefits before making a decision.
Aftercare: Following circumcision surgery, proper wound care is essential to promote healing and reduce the risk of complications. This may include keeping the penis clean and dry, avoiding strenuous activities or sexual intercourse during the recovery period, and following any specific instructions provided by the healthcare provider.
Conclusion: Circumcision surgery is a personal decision that should be based on a thorough understanding of its potential benefits, risks, and cultural or religious considerations. Individuals considering circumcision should consult with a healthcare provider to discuss their options and make an informed decision that aligns with their values and preferences.