Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if:

• I'm the one overthinking it
• If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?
• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if: - I'm the one overthinking it - If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?

• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

Disclaimer: Posting it in multiple threads just to get opinions/ thoughts about it.
This has been something that has been bothering me ever since I gave birth to my first child. Background, I have 2 sisters, we're all in our late 20s/ early 30s and we're asian.
I've always known that my sisters were not "kids" people. They are more "dog" people and are the kind of people that would often posts stuff about kids being annoying/ how people should have dogs over kids etc. They feel like their dogs are their kids and would get upset when my parents prioritise their "human grandchildren" over their "fur grandchildren".
I've always been on the fence, and after getting married decided to have kids because my husband and I wanted "to see what we were missing out on". Long story short, we love parenthood and love our kids, but my sisters' snarky comments about my kids (e.g. when my kid has a meltdown at dinner they will be visibly annoyed and make comments about the pitch of their cries when they own dogs have loud barks and the whole neighbourhood hears them/ when I bring my toddler for family dinners they will make snark remarks that there's a new "competitor" at the dinner table and they have to order to cater to his "adult-like" appetite) and their constant exclusion of my from family activities (e.g. planning their own mothe Father's Day celebration, planning family holidays without extending the invitation to me and often me just finding out about it just before my parents fly off) makes me really upset and feel really alone in this family. My parents are caught in the middle because they feel like taking a stand will just cause my sisters to cut off from them, and they're trying their best to be "fair" to them.
I've never confronted my sisters about it but there were a few instances when they accidentally let slip about their plans they'll just brush it off and go "Yeah we didn't ask you cause it's so troublesome to plan with kids around." or something alone the lines.
When I was planning for my "confinement" after giving birth to my last kid, my parents volunteered their place for my family to stay so they could help out with child taking and my meals (bless their heart). However, at the last minute my mum had to pull me aside to say she had to retract the offer because my sister who was staying with them did not give her blessings and told my mum that she did not want to stay in the same house as two crying babies (also must note that my parent's place aint small it's a few thousand square feet of living space). Needless to say, I left the conversation immediately after finding out and cried so badly because I just felt like my parents were prioritising her over me and their grandchildren. It just made me feel really unworthy because even with two children in tow they still felt like she was more important than us.
I've never had a space to really internalise my feelings. A part of me feels like maybe this is just me feeling "entitled" and playing the victim to myself, but another part of me also question if being treated like that is "normal"? The asian culture is very collective in nature, and seeing my friends whose family embraces their children and how everyone comes together because of the kids also makes me feel bad for my own children because I know they'll never have that kind of love from their aunties. My sisters also constantly do not cut corners with my children (ie hold them to the same standards as adults) and will make comments like "They need to know not everyone will always give in to them/ say yes to them. I'm just showing them from early on." When I say cut corners I mean even things as simple as, if my child gets too excited around their dogs their first instinct is to just berate them in front of everyone. Or if my child wants the last piece of chicken and asks for it (We told him he has to do it otherwise it'd be rude) they'll say "I want it too" and take it from him.
I'm at the point where I sometimes dread family dinners where my parents try to organise something for ALL of us because I just don't want to see their faces when they see my kids, or subject my kids to an environment like that.
I also want to know if there are others who are in a similar situation as me and if: - I'm the one overthinking it - If you've done anything to make the situation better? For now I just cannot help but feel my children are a point of tension and uneasiness but at the same time how do I change that? I cannot just leave my kids behind or just will them away?

• Anyone has any insights to what my sisters are thinking? I did consider talking to them about it but growing up there has been family history and I don't know if I have the capacity to open the Pandora's box on that. I also don't think I am equipped to handle it right should any emotions surface from me asking so am choosing to just avoid the conversation.

Context is that we were supposed to go to day 3 of a music festival and he pregamed so hard that while we were in line for transport to the festival grounds, he basically couldn’t stand up straight and insisted on going home. Immediately after we got out of the line he proceeded to puke everywhere in front of other bystanders and basically getting it all over himself…then we sat down for a bit before making the trek back to the hotel and he puked on the ground some more (throwing up his entire food intake for the day essentially and again, getting some on himself). We traveled a long way for this and I was already sad about having to end the weekend, and now feel robbed of my last day experience sitting at the hotel with him while he puked some more - in the shower instead of the toilet, so we could be facing a cleaning charge - and then passed our while I just laid in bed feeling upset that at that moment I could have been having the time of my life.
I don’t want to sound cold but he is a grown ass man at 30 and I think it’s reasonable to expect someone of that age / with plenty of experience with alcohol to understand your own limits and pace yourself, especially knowing today was the last day and we don’t get a redo. I was livid when we came back to the hotel only to find a handle of tequila basically finished by himself single-handedly, and cups of what smelled like straight tequila. I’m also annoyed that as he gets kind of immature when drinking, he wasn’t necessarily apologetic to the situation and basically tried to trick me into thinking he showered the puke off before climbing into bed (when really he had already clogged the shower with the remainder of his puke food mixture). I wouldn’t say he binge drinks like this often, but he definitely can get pretty incoherent while others in his groups seem to be functioning pretty well on night outs. I will also come home to find him a little tipsy on a casual Sunday night while he’s having beers with football, but maybe I just don’t understand as I’m not a big drinker myself. Just feel like if you’re to the point of making yourself so sick like this after consuming an amount you know is way too much, a little concerning….
Alcohol issues aside; am I being way too petty about this? Should I be trying to put away my anger and just be happy he’s safe? Not sure if I or he is the one being selfish.
TL;DR: BF got himself so drunk he caused us to both miss out on the last day of a music festival we’ve been excited about for ages. AITA for being pissed at him??

At the time I was 30 F name Alex. My ex, Daniel, was also 30m. The other women involved were Juana, 33; Yuri, 26, the wife of Daniel's brother; and Ana, 32, a "friend" of Juana.
It all began when I was six months pregnant. I received a call from a woman revealing that after 13 years together, my entire relationship with Daniel was a lie. He had a separate family with Juana, with whom he had been in a relationship for the past six years, and she was pregnant with their third child. Devastated, I kicked him out and struggled alone, barely making enough to cover rent. Now this petty revenge is not about getting even for the cheating (well a little bit). I harbored no ill will against Juana, believing Daniel was the sole betrayer. However, Juana blamed me for Daniel's deceit and resented me for having his child even when she knew I existed before having the affair with him. And badmouthed me to anyone who would listen to her.
Juana befriended Yuri, who pretended to be my friend while feeding Juana information about me. They thought they were being smart but I quickly realized this and decided to share nothing significant with Yuri. But never confronted Yuri about it and pretended not to know. This decision would prove useful later.
10 months later, Juana accused Daniel of DV, coercing one of their children to lie (5M) to the police about witnessing abuse. His family didn't believe her and his brother later confided in me. Juana later bragged about her false accusation, saying she did it so now he has to come home every night. He was placed on probation and had to wear an ankle monitor. At this point seemed Karma was doing a better job than I ever could.
At the same time, I recognize that Juana’s behavior infuriated me because I was helping a friend with a genuine DV case, where the police doubted her despite hospital records. I thought to myself that Juana's false claim is what made it harder for real victims like my friend to be believed. I still was like f*** it I'll stay out of Daniel case as he ask me for help to be his interpreter in court but his brother bailed him out so no need for me to intervene, and I was not going to anyway.
Juana tried to manipulate Daniel into not paying child support. I let the court handle it, refusing to communicate with her about it. Juana, frustrated, wanted to confront me physically, accusing me of using my child to try to steal "her man." I thought that was delulu. Neither she nor Yuri knew where I lived, until Yuri called me one day, crying and asking for help with her baby as the baby got a nasty skin infection, the doctor did not speak Spanish and she does not speak English. I agreed to help, drove her to the doctor and she ended up at my home.
Upon seeing my modest one-bedroom in-law suite, Yuri called Ana over they gushed about how nice it was. I was a bit annoyed but, I tolerated them while explaining the instructions from the doctor regarding medications and wrote them down. During that time Ana bad-mouthed Juana, calling her names and saying she was dumb, uneducated etc. I responded with indifference, knowing Ana was also involved with Daniel. (he told me) I knew they would gossip about this, so I decided to play with their heads, told them that Daniel said he was still in love with me, he was giving me a lot of money, and that he was going to leave Juana and come back to me, and poor little old me was conflicted but thinking into giving a second chance (all lies lol but I wanted to make Ana rage on the inside as she could not mention in front of Yuri she was having an affair with Daniel and also knew they will be blabbing to Juana later. I was just being petty)
The next day, Daniel texted to warn me, that Juana planned to confront me at home, spurred on by Yuri's gossip. Instead, I locked the gate and called the police. As Juana and Ana raged outside Ana dared to pretend still to be Juana's friend lmao, calling me names too, because the gate was locked I watched them scream and threaten. While laughing my butt off. Daniel arrived, trying to calm Juana, but then I told Juana about Ana and she lost her sh*t , attacked him, and tried to go after Ana while he was trying to stop her, Ana was also trying to fight her but as soon she heard the police she bailed, meanwhile Juana continued to kick and scream hitting Daniel. I had never been so amused in my life was like having a Jerry episode live, too bad did not have popcorn, just as the police arrived. They arrested Juana, who now faced DV charges herself.
The next day, Daniel’s brother brought Yuri over to apologize, she cried some croc tears saying never meant to hurt me. I made it clear that I knew she had betrayed my trust but also thanked her because she helped Juana to get arrested. I asked them to leave and never contact me again.
Juana ended up with a criminal record. Ana left Daniel because she was scared of Juana. Daniel’s brother divorced Yuri. From time to time, I hear they are still miserable and still fight about custody and petty cr** .
After my friend's DV case was resolved, I moved out of state. I lived happily ever after, near a beach and far from the chaos.

This is not a rant post about the combat sim, nor is it an overly long way of saying "git gud" to those of you struggling with the platinum. What this *is*, is a theory on why so many people are complaining when it didn't feel that way during Remake's release window.
Rebirth is too big for its own good, when it comes to balancing, and it feels like 7 different people were in charge of different aspects of the hard mode.
Think back to Remake's hard mode. If we're being honest with ourselves, it wasn't particularly hard. Standard enemies would only give you trouble if A) you'd come back from a hiatus or B)you weren't level 50 quite yet. Scorpion Sentinel mostly plays itself, chapter 2's horde of mooks fell apart in the face of punisher mode counter, chapter 3's boss is 4 hoodlums, most of chapter 4 is on the bike, and its not until Roche that the game takes the training wheels off. You have time to acclimate, to gain exp, and to figure out that 90% of early enemies are weak to fire + braver.
Let's compare to Rebirth's opening chapters on hard: Sephiroth makes things easy at first, chapter 2 offers a long break from serious combat and then.... -You get stunlock combo'd to death by a flower field -Your party members stand still in the face of Midgardsormr's fire breath so you better have elemental Materia. -White Terror can explode 5 times in a row but its unblockable and non elemental. Have fun with that dps check -Mythril Golem can passively launch very painful missiles *forever* and neither of your characters have high magic. -Here's an enemy that never stays in place, casts protect on itself and all its attacks interrupt yours. -Roche casts reflect pretty often so either pump that dps or have fun holding block for 60 seconds.
It's...a lot. It's brutal. It is unrelenting. But the solution is obvious: cheese.
All of those roadblocks have very obvious, and very effective weaknesses. Once you realize chocobo stops refill MP, you're free to spam spell combos to your heart's content and make your way through Gaia yet again. Except...
This is the opposite of how Remake handled things. You party was very fluid back then, not to mention limited. You spend most of the game without a tank, Aerith's the only reliable source of magic in more ways than one and Tifa's defensive options are nothing like the other characters. You were encouraged to make as versatile a build as possible so that any surprises could be dealt with somewhat effectively, and you have to be conservative in the latter half of the game where bosses start doubling up in each chapter. Kind of like the original game did....
Compare this to every Rebirth guide, which has you going off to grind every single possible Materia and then nullifying the enemy completely. Even if its not stop-stagger or a dedicated sleeper, you're almost forced to be reactionary. Every boss is completely different from the last, which is great for the first playthrough but annoying as all hell when it means you gotta sit there and die repeatedly until you figure out an entirely new Materia loadout.
Rufus, Sephiroth 1,2 and 4, all of the archfiends, Phoenix, Kujata, Gilgamesh, Red Dragon, Yin and Yang, Roche 2, Midgardsormr, Mythril Golem, Gigatrice, Gallian Beast, all of the Double Summon fights and *especially* all of the Brutal Challenges revolve around the boss' ability to nullify your character. They all cannot be beaten conventionally and do exorbitant amounts of damage under nearly unavoidable conditions. You will not get past these fights without specializing into some sort of role. You go into the menu, drop anything non-essential (anything you thought would be fun to use) and go full utilitarian. How many resistances can I get? How do I maximize the value of the element they're weak to. Do I need first strike to get the ball rolling? Can I afford an MP up to get through the rest of the chapter? It's a game of cat and mouse except you're both nullifying the other's strategy, waging a war of attrition until you run out of patience and try something different only to be stomped into the ground.
Stay in your lane. Stick to the plan. If we load up Aerith with a maxed out Blizzaga she can maybe kill the dragon before lava reaches us. Do not engage in the mechanics. Do not try and use the character's abilities. Stop with Magnify and abuse synergy materia, until the fight is over. Cheese vs. Cheese back and forth eternally. It's so polarizing, and so antithetical to what the previous game taught you. Most players don't like playing that way, they don't like working hard training until the challenge itself has become trivial. They're lactose intolerant, if you will.
Hard mode has you changing your Materia constantly, combat sim has you spamming the same spells against what has effectively become a brick wall. The game quite simply stops being fun, because the focus is now on feeling clever for crafting the game breaking build.
Is it really so far fetched that people aren't fond of this direction?

Hi so 26F. I’ve basically been on antidepressants ever since middle school. So since I was about 12-13ish. And I’ve been on all of them really. I’ve been on 20mg of Prozac for about a year now to come off of cymbalta because the cymbalta withdrawals were absolutely insane. It’s been about a month being off of Prozac and I’m assuming I’m still having withdrawals?
I’ve getting bad brain zaps, numbness and tingling in my hands arms and face, random flushing in my face and chest, mood swings, weird eating habits, bad sleeping habits (usually fall asleep around 4-6am and wake up around 1-2pm) and dizziness.
I’ve been taking meclizine for the dizziness and it helps a little. But barely.
I can hardly function. I’ve heard people say to try and work out but I absolutely can’t. I fall and have to take breaks constantly. I can hardly walk my dog anymore. Even just sitting at my desk or laying down I get all of these symptoms and it sucks. Even just typing this my face is numb. There’s tingling in my hands and face. And just the physical symptoms are absolutely fueling my anxiety.
I’ve done meditation but it only helps so little. I really don’t know what to do. Has anyone felt any of this before? Especially the brain zaps and tingling of the hands and face? My dad has been on all kinds of antidepressants too, but when I ask him about withdrawals he said he’s just never had a single withdrawal in his life. So idk. I’m just so worried that I’m dying because of my facial numbness and tingling. The brain zaps are so annoying. And idk how long this is gonna last. 😭
My partner is being supportive though and is always trying his best to help but he’s never been on antidepressants before so he doesn’t fully know what to expect or what to do.

Ive played since the very beginning and from about year 2-3 on i noticed how the games match making “prefrences” are quite Arguable Well first off, i like my pekka decks and i always have lol its just my thing. In the beginning when there wasnt literally hundreds of cards or whatever, it wasnt TOO obvious on how it pitted you against certain decks but now i face the same decks over And over Again and its just annoying. The only time i get to play different decks and actually get to challenge some of my skills is of course when im on a loosing streak or the game is just giving grace, but even then its boring because its usually hard not to win. At this point its just like WTF??? They charge absurd amounts of money to just be able to level up in a SEMI REASONABLE amount of time or do anything… and they do this?? Ive made a point to not spend ANYTHING on this game and i havnt so anytime i switch to an alternate deck i dont have enough levels to even compete. And that makes switching decks even more infuriating and boring to me. All in all i just have to rant rq because ive finaly grown sick and wont play anymore until theres a reasonable way to progress and matches feel more randomized.

I started like 3 weeks ago and practicing on footworks. I went to Stick and Puck practice time at my local rink about six times a week. I am usually the only goalie during the session and there are around 10 skaters or a little bit more. I usually use a little space behind the net, facing the crowd, and practice my footworks. The skaters won't come into my way, and since I am facing them, they shoot pretty hard without fearing hurting me from the back. I join them too, trying my best to stopping the pucks from them once or twice a week. I improve a lot thanks to them and my own practice.
But recently there are people asking me (in a very demanding way) to go into the net during stick time. Most of guys understand and let me practice in my little corner after I explain, but quite a few have been very demanding and just up to a point like annoying. They always be like "so what we won't judge" or like "you gotta start somewhere." later I overheard them judge and be like ah scoring on you is way too easy not fun for me anymore.
I don't take this personally because I know that I start recently and both me and my coach are happy for my own improvement. But yesterday I overheard a group of guys saying if a goalie shows up but not be in the net, it is like violating some etiquette because the skaters can't practice more effectively or make the best use of the time ? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just want to verify here to see if it is true. I assume that I am not violating anything, right ?

Hey dude I'm going to keep this introduction short and to the point.
This is what I learned for youTube success.
These strategies work, no BS, they work, they work very well.
And I write this as I know you may be like I was some time ago (wanting to turn content into a long term business).

I’ve tested these methods on new & existing channels both big and small and even with channels that do not have English as their native language.

These can really make a huge, huge, huge difference in your YouTube success.

1. Audience Understanding Leads To Steering Success.

You hear a loud noise coming from the crew on the deck of your ship.

"CAPTAIN, ARE YOU THERE?"

"WE HAVE A SITUATION".

You make your way to the deck to address the noise.

“Calm down, you blubbering seadogs! What’s the problem?”

“I’m sorry, Captain, but we have a dangerous situation. We’ve entered deep seas, and there’s no land in sight. Just miles and miles of ocean in every direction. We can’t see anything. We urgently need navigation but we don’t have a compass onboard”

If you find yourself as a captain of a ship without a compass, you’re in a very dangerous situation. ~Similarly~, growing a YouTube channel without a deep understanding of your audience is like trying to sail the seas without a clear direction.

Your audience holds a treasure chest full of desires, fears, wants, and needs.

Just like a real treasure chest full of gold, this theoretical chest provides everything you need to reach success, whether that’s financial wealth or success on the platform.

I’m not joking; this is far more important than most people realize.

Why is this so crucial?

If you don’t know your audience, you don’t know what they truly desire. Those who can deliver on those desires will reap the rewards. During my time auditing and coaching, I found that most creators DID NOT deeply understand their audience.

BUT this information tells you nearly everything you need to know.

Here’s an example: before writing this post, I did extra research on YouTube creators.

I looked at Reddit, YouTube comments, and YouTube growth books on Amazon to see what the comments were saying. Here are the fears I found most YouTubers face:

• Fear of starting and not being perfect in the initial stages.
• Fear of not being recognized despite creating quality content.
• Fear of judgment and not being accepted by viewers.
• Fear of investing time and effort without seeing substantial growth or results.
• Fear of the ever-changing YouTube algorithm affecting their channel negatively.
• Fear of stagnation or decline in channel growth.

And this… is my treasure chest that allows me to help more people, reach a larger audience, and tailor my content to what people really care about.

What I’m saying is, you can do the same for your audience. This will give you countless new ideas, directions, products, services, and bring true value to the market.

But without knowing these, you’re trying to sail the sea without a compass, hoping to find land.

2. If You Have A Channel, You Need A Brand.

Running a YouTube channel without a brand is like serving a Big Mac without any lettuce, onions or pickles… sure it will fill you up but it's nothing to write home about.

Don’t allow your channel to be the plain Big Mac

In terms of YouTube, a brand is a channel that is known to have a certain style or cover topics within the niche which the audience enjoys time & again.

*Short Question*

If we lined up 100 people who watch your videos as well as other creators in your niche, how would they define YOU and YOUR channel?

Would they say …

"Love how concise the channel is—straight to the point!"
"The depth of content is great—I could watch them for hours!"
"It's alright, but I wish they would cut to the chase."
"Incredible! I've always wanted to learn this, and the videos made it so simple."
"It dragged on a bit—lost my interest partway through."

There are many ways you can create a brand, such as personality, delivery of content but whatever direction you go into, a unique brand on YouTube is essential because it helps your channel **STAND OUT*\* by creating a distinctive ~look~ and feel.

This attracts viewers and keeps them coming back for more & more. Think about some of the reasons why you love your favourite Youtubers, (the way they speak, the content, the feel, the pacing, the humour, etc) chances are because they have built a solid brand.

3. Entertainment Comes First.

Have you ever come across a YouTuber who's got a big audience and is doing extremely well and you have no idea why?

Yeah, me too! … & does it annoy you? Yes, me too.

Why is it frustrating?

Because there are channels out there that are giving CRAP content and yet succeeding.

You know the ones… I’m not saying anything here, but you know.

In fact, I would guess and say you likely have better content than some other creators in your niche and yet they are raking in the numbers.

But this is not only on YouTube this is also in business, it's not about the best product or having the best information.

It’s a big ~pill~ to swallow.

But instead, let's look at this logically…

Why are many channels succeeding that do not have the best content? (the best is subjective but here we will just focus on * the best* = most helpful, most accurate, most information, etc)

Most of the time when you break it down you will find that it's because they are able to entertain, and the simple truth is this.

Entertainment = value

In our modern world more entertainment = more value, which can lead to more viewers even if the content itself is not the best.

So whatever kind of content you are producing (even educational) the fundamentals needs to be around entertainment.

But through thousands of experiments, Its clear to see that entertainment is not always quick clips, funny sound effects and so on…

Entertainment can be as simple as a storyline that you can follow from the beginning to the end that resonates with your key audience.

4. Most Success On YouTube Is a Slow Burn.

You most likely have heard a bunch of successful stories and advice from people who have become successful relatively quickly.

Here are a few videos I found on YouTube.

· How I Got 1 Million Subscribers in 9 Months
· I grew from ZERO TO 100K SUBSCRIBERS in 3 MONTHS (& how you can too)
· My Life Story and How I Got 10 Million Followers in 1 Year
· Making $613,960 My First Year On YouTube

Now these are great videos, but they are also extremely rare cases.

This success can sometimes give youtubers the wrong understanding of success on YouTube.

Last year I hit one of my personal milestones which was $7000 (USD) within 28 days on AdSense alone.

This was accomplished over several years of building content making mistakes and implementing changes.

18 months before that, I was struggling to get 1000 views on a video, 2 months ago I had a few videos that have over 1 million views and Last month? Well, I sold the channel. But hey that’s a new story for a new day ha-ha.

But my point is that success is often over a long period of time...

AND THEREFORE, it’s wise to take a step back to reflect on things especially if you feel that you're working too hard or getting too stressed because for many of you who will be successful, it will be a long process over several months or years rather than an instant change.

5. Rabit Hole Content Can Perform Extremely Well.

In my desk next to my bed, I have a big red book of YouTube trade secrets & experiments I conducted.

The rabbit hole content is one of those.

Rabbit hole content is basically content that is made and after somebody watches the video, they go into a rabbit hole of content.

Examples of this include conspiracy. (UFO, ALIENS, ASSASSINATIONS, ETC)

Another example is if there is a series or a very engaging video that has been split into several parts.

What I've noticed more than anything especially speaking to other youtubers is that rabbit hole content seems to perform incredibly well. Almost like YouTube knows that *THIS VIDEO* will lead to people watching 10 more videos… well I guess they do know that.

With every other point on this list, I have solid data, experiments, and proof. But I aim to always be transparent, and I must confess I don’t have all the numbers yet to back this up fully compared to the rest.

Nevertheless - It has worked for many people, and I have not yet seen it not work. But because I don’t have the numbers to show (unlike all the others) I believe it’s important to mention.

6. Trend Jacking Can Lead To Crazy Numbers.

A moment ago, I mentioned that most success on YouTube is not linear and instead drawn out over a long period of time.

However...

For those who do not fall into this category and have had success relatively quickly they often find their success by taking advantage of trend jacking.

Trend Jacking is a clever tactic that you can use to grow new audiences relatively quickly based on a trending topic, situation, or person.

This could be a trend that is happening within your niche or a trend that is happening globally. Here are some examples that were big stories over the last 24 months.

· Johnny Depp Vs Amber Heard
· Tucker Carson Departs From Fox News
· Ireland Offer $92,000 If You Move & Settle On Their Coastal Island
· Japan Giving Away Homes For Free
· World’s Largest Wildlife Crossing Is Going Up So Animals Can Walk Safely
· Airlines To Give Refunds For Cancelled Or Delayed Flights And Late Baggage

OK so these ideas are pretty out-of-the-box and are not niche specific.

But let’s make it a challenge! (I’m regretting this already)

What about if we had a YouTube channel talking about ~how to live cheaper?~

Here are some video ideas we could create.

· Depp Vs. Heard: Calculating The True Cost Of Lawsuits!
· After Tuckers Exit, How Media Changes Impact Your Wallet?
· Moving To Ireland For $92K Is It A Dream Deal Or Costly Fantasy?"
· Free Homes In Japan: What’s The Catch?
· Saving Wildlife & Your Taxes!
· How To Get Every Penny Back From Airlines [*year*]

Okay these are not the best type of content for the niche but after typing out about1500 words, my mind is a little fuzzy XD - Please note that these are not the titles but an example of a type of content based on the trend.

But how about niche trends? (~often much easier)~

Jumping on specific trends related to your niche can be really effective. For example, I advised a travel content creator who capitalized on the "passport bros" trend. This trend is where men move overseas to find wives.

This trend was gaining traction on TikTok and other platforms, and by tapping into it, he was able to reach multiple new audiences. His content sparked reactions and discussions, which pushed his growth to a new level.
P.s - As an added point, if you are in the UK, check out *baby reindeer* which is currently trending.

7. Don’t Steal, Rebuild.

Pablo Picasso – “Good artists copy, great artists steal”

As a creator you are also an artist, it just happens to be that your art is electronic.

The saying highlights the key idea that true innovative artists (aka creators) don't just copy other people (even though I know some do – naughty naughty)

But instead, they mimic the work of others and transform it / rebuild it into something better.

Perhaps it is a type of content that you've seen very popular in other niches but is not covered in your niche.

Or it could be a topic that other creators have discussed, and you have seen that it has performed very well but it could be improved upon.

One Youtuber I have always found inspirational is Mr Beast. Not because of Jimmy's content but simply because he has worked for many years to perfect his art.

Here’s the thing…

There are so many Mr beast clones.

These creators literally copy his entire format.

This is not good as eventually people see the truth, and this will leave a very sour taste in viewer’s mouths.

So, what can you do?

You can rebuild but in your own image and in your own way instead of stealing.

Look in your niche, the style, content, delivery of content, time, pace and think of ways you can rebuild this content to offer you audience something even better.
Hope this helps you out =]

TA because I regularly use Reddit. I 18m have been told by my friends that my gf 21f groomed me into a toxic relationship, I have been having a hard time making my mind up about what to do or what to think, to start off I’ll give some backstory. Me and my gf met in school, she was in the same year as my sister 21f and they were friends, not really close but they hung around each other a lot because of their friendship groups.
My sister had a small friendship group throughout secondary school, they would come around to our house a lot Because my mum was at work week days till 8 pm so our house would be the hang out spot after school. My dad was not really in the picture, although he did provide for us he was never their physically so I never had an older male figure in my life, my sister looked after me all throughout my child hood and she was like my mum. My bio mum was still their and loved us and took care of us but because she was working all the time we rarely saw her during the week, she would get home around 9pm and go to sleep to be out by 6am the next day, during the week ends we would spend time together but because of this it was my sister that would take me to school, cook , care for me when I was sick. when she got into secondary school my mum drop all of her motherly duties like parents teacher meetings, doctor appointments things like that.
When my sister went into year 12 and I in year 9 ( the same school) her friendship group expanded as new people joined, one of these new people is my now gf Emma (fake name), she joined our school with a couple of her friends which then added on to my sister group and became one big group of about 8, these girls would often come to my house after school on Thursdays and Fridays, there would be about 4-5 of them over (rarely the full group) however this meant I hung around with them a lot because I was close to my sister. On Thursdays I would have football after school so I would come home at about 6 and they would all be sitting in the living room so I would see them and talk to them before showering and eating. And Friday I would walk home with them. Emma was not overly close with my sister so a lot of the time she would only go if her best friend went so I didn’t really see her much during that year. However the year after an issue happened and her best friend’s was kick out of the group, after that Emma became a lot close to one of the girls who was apart of my sister’s original group. She then started coming regularly to my house.
As a young teen boy I had a crush on a lot of my sisters friends and they use to tease me about it a lot, they all use to say that if I was a bit older the would love to date me. One day I was talking to my sister and confessed I had a big crush on Emma, and as my sister did she teased me about it in front of her friends including Emma they all laughed and joke about it and this time I don’t know why but it made me upset and I excused my self and went to my room I guess they saw I was upset and my sister came to check on me, she apologised and said that they were just joking and didn’t mean to upset me, I told her I was fine and that it was getting a bit annoying as they always did it, and it made me feel insecure. I know I was overthinking but I was young and still developing, I wasn’t ugly or anything in fact I think I was quite good looking, I was quite popular but never really wanted to date as I focused more on my football and friends, I had a fair bit of female attention for girls in my year and had lots of female friends so I don’t know why I was so upset about being teased. Anyway my sister went back down to her friends and I guess told them what I said as a I got a knock on my door a few minutes later, I said come in and Emma walked through the door she looked a bit guilty, she said she wanted to apologise as she felt like she shouldn’t have made fun of my feelings I said it was ok and knew it was just light joking. She then said that I was very handsome and fit, I of course blushed and she noticed and smiled, she came over to my desk where I was sitting and ask what I was doing, I was doing some math homework and she said that she was really good at math and could tutor me. I remember my sister saying that Emma was really smart and did maths, further maths and physics for her a-levels. I was not very good at maths and had GCSEs coming up next year so I ask her if she could help me prepare for them. She told me she would next year but she needs to prepare for her a-levels this year. She left shortly after helping with a few questions. She continued to come to my house throughout that year and we had conversations often nothing flirty or sexual in any nature, just boring topics like school and football (I am 15 she is 18)
During that summer my sister and her group booked a holiday before they all went off to uni. A couple of days before they left 3 girls came over (including Emma) after they had been shopping, they were in my sisters room most of the time and they were also trying clothes in shared bathroom. After playing on my game I need the toilet, I looked and saw the light was on and the door was slightly opened thinking no one was in there I opened to see Emma in a bikini looking in the mirror she noticed me and jumped. I apologised and went back to my room. I later heard a knock on my door and Emma walked in she was wearing a tracksuit but after seeing her in a bikini all I could do was in-vision that, I stared at the floor because I was embarrassed, she giggled and said that I shouldn’t of been peaking on her, I jumped up and said I wasn’t and that it was an accident. She said that she didn’t mind and that boys like to look at her. She was very pretty and had nice curves, and very popular with boys but never really date from what I heard. She then started to undress I asked what she was doing, she said she wanted a boy input and since I already saw her in her bikini it’s fine. She stood there posing in her bikini before asking how she look and of course I said she looks great, she smiled and said that she was happy I liked it. I was very embarrassed as I wasn’t in this situation a lot, after she put her clothes back on she left my room and I went back to playing. I didn’t see her for the rest of that summer but the memory popped up in my head a lot. That next year she attend the same uni as my sister as they both didn’t want to leave home so they became closer and shes at my house a lot but acted as though it never happened gradually I did to.
around November I got a gf this wasn’t my first experience with a girl but it was my first relationship and I relied on my sister a lot to help me through it. She obviously told Emma and she helped me as-well giving advise on what girls like, she also kept true on my promise and tutored me in math for my GCSEs we would do 2 hour lessons every Wednesday and Sunday, we became quite close and bonded really well. On Wednesday she would come to my house and Sundays I would go to hers she would also come and see my sister through out the week and I started seeing her as like a second sister. This is where things take a turn in April (I am 16 now) me and my gf broke up and I was devastated as this was my first relationship and I really tried. A day or two after the break up Emma came round to see my sister, after a couple of hours she came to my room to say hello, she saw I was quite sad and asked me what was wrong and I told her about my brake up. She hugged me and said that it was normal to be sad and said if there was anything she could do to make it better to just asked her, I said jokingly get me a new gf, she laughs and said I would happy to be your gf if you want. I laughed and said that would be perfect. She then said that I was a great guy and any girl would be happy to be with me, she kissed me on the cheek and left I didn’t think anything of it, as I said I saw her like a sister and that’s something my sister would do, that was until I told my best friend (d), D 18m and I have been best friends since the start of secondary and he knows everything that’s happened with Emma, he’s also met her a couple of time at my house. After explaining what happened I was laughing and he wasn’t he looked at me and told me that she wants me, I thought he was joking and laughed again but he was still straight faced. After that I went home and thought about it and I decided that d was just being stupid.
The next time Emma and I did tutoring lessons I notice she was being a lot more flirty, I started to think d was right. His opinion solidified when one Sunday at her house, we were finishing up our last session as my exams were in a week she told me how proud she was and that I had gotten much better and that I will do really well on my exam, she then said that she had a reward for me. I was surprised because she never said that I would get a reward for doing well, I accepted anyway and ask what it was she said it was a secret and I should sit on the bed, she left the room and I sat on her bed. after a few minutes she came back in wearing the bikini she had gotten last summer I was shock and looked away, she said that it was okay and that this was my reward, I was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say. She came closer and sat next to me on the bed she told me that when she was comforting me when I broke up with my gf she was happy that I said that I would want her to be my gf, she said that the boys that were interested in her never wanted a relationship and just want her body, this explains her not dating, I said that I thought we were just joking, she looked upset and I said that I would love if she was my gf but it would be weird as she’s my sister friend, she then said that she’s just rewarding me and didn’t actually want to date me, just saying that I made her happy with my comment, this confused me as she look sad when I said I didn’t want her to be my gf. She then hugged me pulling me into her half bare chest saying that for now to treat her as my gf, I didn’t know what to do I was really confused. Does she want to be my gf? What does she want me to do? I pulled away from her and said we should watch a movie or something as this situation was making me uncomfortable. She said that’s a great Idea. We got set up and put on a film we were lying on her bed when she turns and said, I told you to treat me as your gf and started to cuddle me, as the movie went on she was making more moves and started to rub my legs and arms. I got really turn on and as she rubbed my leg she brushed over my **** and said if I wanted to she wouldn’t mind helping me out. I was flustered and apologised saying she didn’t need to, she said it was ok and started rubbing it, we ended up having sex and I went home. When I got home my sister was sitting in the living room with her at the time bf, she asked me how my session went and I said good and ran up stairs. I instantly called d and told him what happened he was laughing and said I told you so, he ask how it felt and I told him that I wasn’t very comfortable doing it with her but in the moment she kinda just lead me to do it so I followed. He ask if I wanted to and I said of course hypothetically but I didn’t feel comfortable that it was actually happening. I said that I really only did it because she was telling me it was ok. He said that I should let Emma know how I was feeling so that it didn’t happen again. I messaged her on ig and told her what I told d, she replied saying that I should come over so I could explain better.
The next day I went over after school, her parents went home and she doesn’t have siblings normally I wouldn’t think about this when going over to do lessons but now it felt different, I went in and sat on the sofa she got me a drink and sat next to me, she then ask how I was feeling I explained my emotions and how I felt during and after, she listen intently and after apologised for making me feel like that. She then said that I was probably feeling guilty as she’s my sisters friend, I agreed as when I saw my sister after I couldn’t look her in the eye, she said that it was normal and ok to feel that way, she then asked if I enjoyed the sex, I replied yes, she asked if it was better then my ex which it was as we were each other first and didn’t really know what we were doing, I replied yes again, she then asked if I would want to do it again, I said idk, she said that it might make me feel better if we do it again as sometimes people are not sure how they feel after doing it just once, I hesitantly agreed, so we started to make out on the sofa, after 5-10 minutes I started to feel better and less guilty as it was a nice feeling, she stopped and said we should go to her room, I agreed we had sex again a couple of times before he parents got home. I left and went home I was felt a lot better this time so I thought Emma was right and that it was just a overwhelming emotions that make me feel that way the first time, when I got home I was able to speak to my sister normally but didn’t tell her what happened as I didn’t know how she would react. I continued going the Emma’s house every week, it was like this until the end of my exams. During summer we started properly dating, I ended up telling my sister and she was angry at first but forgave us pretty quick, during the time we was dating Emma would tell me how I need to act and what I needed to do to be a good bf, I believed her as I thought she was more experienced, she would tell me that I shouldn’t have female friends as they are temptations that could effect our relationship, and that she should be prioritised above my friends, I started hanging with Emma more and friends less the only friend I talked to and saw regularly was d. At around the end of summer (August) I asked her to be my gf officially she said yes, but being my gf comes with more rules, she said we need to spend time together 2/3 times a week minimum and that she needs my location, access to my socials I agreed to these as I thought it was normal the only thing I didn’t agree to was to stop talking to d as often, she said I was prioritising him over her and that she doesn’t feel like I actually love her, and that if I did I would agree, I said that she was stupid if she thought that and told her I would not be agreeing to go lc with d, she got upset and ghosted me for 3 days I ended up apologising and agreed to stop talking and seeing d as much, he went to a different sixth form to me so I couldn’t see him in school anymore, this made me sad as he was my best friend and we would see each other all the time, yet I agreed as I thought it’s was normal in relationship, this has been the way our relationship was for the past 9 months, I have been happy with her and loved her, we have our arguments but it usually ends up as her airing me and then me eventually apologising and then going back to normal. We spent a lot of time together and have sex regularly I genuinely thought I was happy unit now.
Last week I went out with some friends for leavers as school is finished and exam period is coming up, we had our last day and Friday we decided to go out, I was with d and other friends from our group when 2 hours in I get a call from Emma asking where I was i told her I was out with friends for leavers, she was upset and said that I was supposed to be with her today, I told her that I haven’t gone out in a long time and that I’ll see her later. She said that I needed to leave and get to her within an hour and hung up. I apologised to my friends and got ready to leave, they all had shocked faces, I asked what was wrong and they said that they herd the way she was speaking to me and that wasn’t right, d then said that he had been wanting to speak to me about it for a long time, I asked what he meant and he said that he had been thinking about my relationship with Emma and said that he thinks I was groomed into a toxic relationship with her. He then went on to explain everything to our friends who didn’t previously know how we started dating (only d knew everything) they were all shocked and my female friends were asking if I was ok and saying they would never treat their bfs like that I was confused as I thought this was normal in a relationship, we had a long discussion about my relationship with Emma and i started to realise that I am in a toxic relationship. I ended up leaving after an hour and went to see Emma I apologised for being late and she was a bit annoyed but forgave me. I didn’t confront her then because I was still confused about my emotions and d said that she might manipulate me and turn it onto me so I took his advice and stayed quite about it and just observe her behaviour. D was previously in a toxic relationship and knew how they acted and how they manipulated people into believing that their not in the wrong, I told her about how nice it was to see all of my friends again and told her what we were doing, she started asking me about who was there. I told her my friendship group and some old female friends and just like d said she started making me out to be a bad person for hanging around other females, I didn’t say anything and just carried on as normal apologising and comforting her. We moved on and I stayed then night, the next day I went home and spoke to d and told him what happened, he said I need to leave now before it’s to late and I will be too attached to her to leave.
That’s why I am here I am asking for advice on what I should do next, I am sure I need to leave but I don’t know how to, I love her and I feel like she could possibly manipulate me into staying. How do I get out of this toxic relationship.

I thought it was a good film. Stylish, moody, well-acted (except Kstew still has that awkward tic where she hesitates between words).
I also do NOT need my protagonists to be pure or perfect. My problem was that I found Jackie to be just too similar to the antagonists? To me, her roided meathead violence and black-and-white thinking was a mirror to abusers like Dave Franco's character. Even putting aside the murders which were committed under extreme circumstances, she literally knocked Lou's tooth out and then brutalized a random bodybuilder (with gratuitous squelching sounds). More than anything, the way they get away with it despite being cartoonishly sloppy seemed like just laughable plot armor.
Then again, I realize all of this was likely deliberate. We even have the in-your-face surrealism of giant Jackie and her rippling muscles. And the choking of Daisy being played up for comic effect. Ultimately, I think I was more annoyed at them being laughably stupid and winning rather than them being morally grey.

I can't wait for this series to start. Feels like a breath of fresh air for the NBA with two young superstars facing off. The western conference finals has had either Steph or Lebron in it for the last ten years ( other than a weird suns clippers series were lebron and steph were hurt). As much as Luka can be frustrating or annoying to watch play there is no denying his talent. There is a reason he has become unanimously seen as a top 3 player in the league and Ant is obviously one of the best young players in the league. Ant and Luka facing off for a chance at a legacy defining ring early in their careers is so exciting.
I will say I am a Mavs fan so I am not rooting for the Wolves but Ant has been one of favorite players since his rookie year. He has one of the best personalities in the league and seeing him slowly change from more fun and jokes to more killer this year is badass. I think the Wolves are one of (probably #1) the toughest matchups possible for the mavs due to the perimeter defenders on your roster. when y'all came back against the nuggets i started having flashbacks to last season when Mcdaniels and Ant wouldn't let Luka and Kyrie get a shot of in the clutch. I believe that will not happen again because Mavs have grown a lot ssense then but there is no denying the wolves defensive dominance.
When seeing the public opinion on this series it seems there is very little belief in the Mavs, all inside the nba picked wolves and betting lines say wolves are big favorites. I am curious if yall think the wolves will win easily or it will be a more competitive series. When looking at the best players in the series I would say mavs have 1st and 3rd best but Wolves have a more solid team. In the Nba having the best player on the court typically wins you playoff games which is think the mavs have a very good chance to compete with the Wolves.
No matter who wins this series i will be rooting for them to beat the celtics in the finals because I love the way both Ant and Luka can be killing opponents while smiling and making it look like they're just having fun. Here's to a fun series where both teams stay healthy.

Husband fell out of love with me
I'm posting anonymously as this is very humiliating and just not something I'm ready to discuss with anyone I know as of yet. I'm sorry if this is really long but I need advise and to just get all of this off of my chest. Will most likely delete later.
I (26f) have known my husband (28m) since we were young children. We grew up together for a while and then separated for over a decade when our families moved. I moved to a different part of town while he and his family moved to another town and hour and a half away. We hadn't spoken or seen each other until he managed to find me on social media when I was 21. I had been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the time and was having a hard time finding my way out of that situation. When he messaged me I initially didn't even recognize him or his name. I was just going to leave him on read. But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go back and look at his page and that was when I recognized him. He helped me muster the courage I needed to break out of the turmultuious relationship I had been in and then drove an hour and a half just to see me. That meant a lot to me at the time. Shortly after we began our relationship and I quickly fell pregnant. We kept witnessing strange things that hardly felt like coincidences and had both come to the agreement that they we signs from the universe that we were on the correct path.
Fast forward to now. We have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 after next week. We have two very young children together and have weathered many hardships as a couple in this time. In the beginning all was well. My husband still tried. He put in effort where he could. He watched me battle post partum depression after a very traumatic birth experience with our first child. Almost two years later we fell pregnant with our second which I was very apprehensive about because of the troubles I had in my first pregnancy. Things started changing with him after I became pregnant again (which I forget to mention he was initially very happy and excited about) his demeanor toward me had subtly started to change.
He stopped being as loving and affectionate. He seemed annoyed or indifferent to when I was upset or struggling internally. If I was crying or having a hard time he would just walk straight by me not even batting an eye. Before I had our second I lost one of my sisters unexpectedly and still am having a hard time handling the grief. When my sister passed away my husband offered me no condolences or emotional support what so ever. I was forced to face my grief alone. I've tried communicating with him about the way I've been feeling but he is completely emotionally closed off. I began to notice that the man I had married was a very emotionally unavailable person and I had tried to suggest seeking help to work through his communication issues and emotional unavailability but he is heavily against seeing a professional. He refuses still to this day to work on himself as a person at all.
Since having our second child we moved back to the town his family is from. We live in a home, my husband found a new job that he has to get up very early for and works very long hours through the week. When I would bring up how neglected I felt by him he would chalk it up to just being "too tired" "too sore" "too stressed". He puts absolutely no effort into our marriage at all. It's not the example of marriage I want set for our children let alone the fact that it eats away at me, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, and leaves me feeling unwanted, unloved, and like I don't matter at all. It makes it hard for me to be the mother I want to be. I find myself always overstimulated, and I feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty cup.
I'm sure a lot of you will say "sounds like he's cheating" but I'm ashamed to admit that I have checked his phone, he never hides it from me. I found absolutely nothing on it and when he's not working he's always home with us. Just off on his own working on our house or only spending time with the kids or sleeping as he has to be up early. So if he is cheating he must be a professional at it cause he covers his tracks very well.
That brings me to recently. I've had this dull feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have found myself in a loveless marriage. I've been changing my appearance and dressing nicer. Doing my hair and make up more. And it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. Everyday I can feel depression quickly consuming me. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a place I've been working very hard to heal from and not fall back into. But now here I am. My husband's been slightly mean to me with some of the comments he's made about my appearance lately. making me feel completely unlovable and worthless. Everyday that passes without any kind of affection from him has built up in me and finally last night I was so upset. That knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss In my marriage I could no longer surpress. I've been having troubles sleeping. I can barely eat. My body dismorphia is coming back as well as eating disorders I used to have.
Last night I just couldnt sleep. I was so restless with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am and dreamt that I had confronted my husband about my gut feeling to which he admitted he didn't love me in the dream. I woke up feeling distraught because of it. My husband was already up, tending to the kids acting as though everything was fine when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I finally confronted him. I told him about the gut feeling I had and asked him if he still loved me. He said he did. I rephrased the question and asked if he was IN love with me. That's when he looked down and fell silent. My heart plummeted and I began shaking feeling as though my life was crumbling around me. I then asked him if he wasn't in love with me, then was he in love with someone else to which he replied no and seemed sincere about that. I asked him why he had fallen out of love with me and he said because he sometimes felt like I wasn't pulling enough weight with chores. (Which may I add I may not get everything done in a day while tending to young hyperactive kids but I do make sure everyday that he does come house to all the toys picked up and floors swept and vacuumed if anything. And I try to get as many dishes done as I can with kids pulling on my pant sleeves.) So I'm not sure if I believe that to be the true reason. I asked where he wanted to go from here. Did he want me to take the kids and leave and let him pick up where he had left off from before we ever got together or if he wanted me to stay and try to fix our relationship. He said he wished for me to stay and we work on our marriage. I suggested couples counseling and he immediately shot it down saying we could work it out ourselves to which I asked how and then he shrugged and said, verbatim, " I figured you'd just read a book". That was when I got angry. At that moment I knew he wants me to be the one to figure out how to get him to fall back love with me. which in turn means he will not be willing to put any work into actually fixing our marriage. Even after all of this he still won't hardly communicate, still not being affectionate, hell he still hasn't even apologized or shown any remorse for hurting me so deeply.
I'm now at a loss. I'm so hurt by this. I'm humiliated, I feel betrayed. I have so many doubts about him in this moment. I've let him know that I'm not just going to be able to get over this. I severely dissociated after his revelation of no long being in love with me. I'm so upset because I do love him still and have sacrificed everything for him. Absolutely everything. Almost my life included. I told him I'm having a hard time deciding whether I'm going to stay or go. Frankly I just want to disappear from this world.
Does anyone have any insight? What should I do?
TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time. I'm very hurt by his admission of no longer being in love with me and don't think I can move past this. What should I do?

Hi everyone. I bought PsVr2 yesterday and just WOW. It blowed my mind. I wasn't overhyped but just omg this sh*t is on fire. I tried Pavlov, Breachers and GT7 for now and it feels great. Flat gaming is dead for me now. Gaming will never be the same for me. Thanks for your advices. My only problem is my face getting wet after 30 mins. My forehead is sweating and it's annoying.

I will preface this by saying I am typically an animal lover, and I have a very healthy relationship with my partner that I am content with. I'm hoping to see if anyone can shed some light on the next steps in this situation.
My partner (42 M) and I (24 M) have been together for nearly a year. Our relationship began suddenly and unexpectedly, and has been a wonderful year where we have been mutual, respectful, patient and understanding, and I am incredibly happy with the life we have, and he is too. He went through a hard breakup with his previous partner, where they were civil but very bitter, and had a short dispute over the money from their house. He has been a little down and cranky during this period, but has since come out successful and is improving by the day. I have recently been out of work for several months, and we have been living together for 5 months. This means I've spent lots of time with him, working on our own issues and getting closer.
I love many aspects of our relationship, except the dog...
I apologize for the length of this but I've been very stressed about this for a while now, and have had indifference from friends and family about it as they do not seem to understand this is a problem in my daily life.
When I met the dog, he was in love with me. A 3 year old, small pug mix, with A LOT of energy. He is very sweet, and affectionate, however he is fully charged, and not fixed as he was planning to breed his dog with his previous partner's dog. The dog was very affectionate with me when I began visiting my partner at his old house, or when we'd go out together. He'd jump up on me, jittery with excitement, and push into my chest as hard as he could. I thought it was adorable, and I grew to really like his dog, but shortly into visiting, we had a night where my partner and I were having some drinks, dancing, and playing around with his VR headset, and the dog WOULD NOT get out from under our feet. I kept having to physically move the dog, and at one point when I reached down to move him, he yelped. My partner didn't freak out, but I felt really guilty like I'd hurt him, and I think it's only gone downhill since then.
My partner loves his dog, and would never hurt him, but as we live in a large, very busy city with horrifically bad drivers, he gave his dog a swat on the butt when he started running away from the backyard and across streets full of speeding cars.
We moved to a small apartment, and shortly after I was injured at work and began staying home all day while receiving treatment, which is good for nobody, unfortunately. Nearly instantly I began to be annoyed by this dog. He was constantly up on me, at me, around me, sniffing and fidgeting and huffing and puffing as pugs do. He'd follow me everywhere, and slept in our bed. As time went on and we gained some more trust, I began letting him off-leash in the back of the apartment building. He listened well, came back when called, and was rewarded for it with a treat and petting and a "good boy'm" I thought maybe I could deal with it, but then he kept annoying me, all day, all night, fidgeting and on top of my partner and I, to like, ridiculous levels, we're talking molding to the shape of our body and pushing his face hard into our sides, or standing with hard little paws into my stomach or chest until it was just uncomfortable, but wouldn't just lay down, he'd just stand and push, or lean and push, and push, and huff, and move, and push, until eventually I'd have to remove him.
I tried playing around with him, as he loves to wrestle and act tough, and hoped it would relieve some of the tension and energy, but found he's much more sensitive than I thought, and would get upset and sometimes even yelp when I'd chase him and play with him with the ball and caught him. I felt bad, but my partner assured me he's just little and can get spooked when he realizes he can get caught, and I just needed to be more gentle. This frustrated me as he'd paw at me, and push and whine and sook until I'd play, then he'd get rough and play-growling, then suddenly upset and scared that I was being too rough with him.
Then the day came that absolutely ruined us.
I took him out, and let him off the leash as usual, and it was very cold, and very late at night. We'd been doing the off-leash bathroom breaks for well over a month at this point, perhaps even two, and suddenly, he didn't come back. He kept walking, so I came up quickly, but not running, to catch him, and he just absolutely refused to come to me from behind this bush I couldn't get through, no matter what I tried, and then just bolted, around the entire building, into the downtown of a large city at night, and straight for the road. I finally caught him about 6 feet from the road, and I gave him a swat on the butt, like my partner had before, and I felt bad doing so but like, the alternative is he gets crushed to death by a car. He needs to know there are consequences to running off into the city, as my partner had said. He was really upset, and I dragged him back up into the apartment.
He is still anxious around me now, and I'm aware and I feel bad, but the stuff he does just drives me absolutely bat-shit insane, and the rage just boils up inside me whenever I have to deal with his antics, and I wish it didn't, and I wish it would go away, and I don't know how to fix it.
A brief list of what drives me nuts:
Absolutely obsessed with my partner, and will not leave his side. Lays across his whole chest and stomach ALL DAY, non stop, will not at all leave being on him, which admittedly makes me a little jealous because my partner cuddles him easily 10x more than he cuddles me.
Constantly needs to know what we're doing, and if I'm carrying something heavy or trying to hurry, will stand exactly in the middle of a small space and not move until I'm literally tripping over him, and even then won't move until I actually force him to, by literally sliding him across the floor.
Rarely listens to anything I say, doesn't listen when I'm nice, doesn't listen when I'm friendly, doesn't want to cuddle when I want to, begs to go out then won't let me put his harness on, etc.
STINKS, like bad, breath, ass, fur, whatever, he often has a nasty funk on him that makes even the couch stink, and we bathe him and it only works for a day or two.
When we walk him, or take him for a pee, he will absolutely not just pee, he has to sniff, and huff, and sniff, and grunt, and search, and what he's looking for is female dog piss, which he then licks up, rubs all over his teeth, pants, and then gets a boner while slurping female dog pee off his tongue, and physically pulls against us when we try to make him stop.
Etc.
He's a very sweet dog, with a good heart, and my partner loves him with his whole heart. Probably even more than he loves me, and that's okay, i would never expect otherwise or want him to get rid of his dog, but I am literally in inner-turmoil over this. It's a known fact the dog and I don't really get along. We both don't trust one another, and it's rare we cuddle anymore together. I take care of his needs, and care about him because he's an animal, but I just frankly cannot enjoy any time with the dog anymore.
I feel guilty, and shitty, because the dog is genuinely excited to see me when I come home from being our for a day or a short trip, he cuddles and wants our company, and wouldn't hurt a fly, and I want to like him, not only for my sake but for his and my partner's, but literally every day I'm with him, I feel it more and more strained, and I feel more and more annoyed.
My partner and I have had an open dialog about this, but haven't found a solution.
If you stuck around this long, please give me some advice, I'm really trying to make this work, and I know I'm part of the problem, but I just really want to fix this and don't know how.
(P.s, not looking for judgement or nastiness about my relationship, so save it.)
Thank you.

Hey everyone, this sub helped me so much with figuring out about this condition and eventually helping me find a doctor that would give me the botox treatment, so I wanted to give a full detailed account of my experience to help anyone else in the beginning of their journey!
So for some context I am 21F and for as long as I can recall, I’ve never burped. My parents tell me I had no issues burping as a baby, so somewhere in my early life I lost the ability to burp. I can remember having symptoms for many years now, but it’s only been in the last few years of me starting college and getting into my intended career field when this condition started to really affect my life negatively. My biggest symptoms were the gurgling frog noises, painful bloating, and painful hiccups.
I found out about this condition probably a year or two ago, and then finally after one particularly embarrassing experience with the gurgling noises I finally decided to try and start the process of getting the botox procedure. For more context I’m located in the state of Georgia and have Kaiser Health insurance.
So in December 2023 I saw a Primary Care Doctor in order to get a referral to an ENT. Thanks to this subreddit I knew how important it was that I saw an ENT and didn't get referred to a GI doctor. During this appointment I initially didn’t bring up RCPD because I had a feeling my doctor wouldn’t take a self diagnosis seriously. However after discussing my symptoms, (which she had a hilariously confused face when I explained my symptoms and exclaimed “Wow I’ve never had someone come to me with this issue before!”) she said she felt like it was likely a GI issue. So after hearing this I decided to bring up that I had done some online research, which she actually was incredibly receptive to and even encouraged me to share what I had found. I explained to her RCPD and watched her google the condition right in front of me, and after reading some webpages she was in agreement that this is likely what I had, and changed my referral to ENT!
On January 9th 2024 I had my ENT appointment, which was pretty straightforward. My Primary Care Doctor wrote in my referral about RCPD, so the ENT’s I met with had researched the condition before my appointment. They performed an endoscopy on me to make sure I didn’t have any other issues that could be causing my symptoms, but everything came back clean. Since they found no other issues that could be causing my symptoms, they were in agreement that I likely had RCPD. However the Kaiser ENT told me that they don’t perform the Botox procedure through their system of healthcare hospitals/offices, so they’d be writing me a referral to Dr. Andrew Tkaczuk at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, GA. Even though I already knew about Dr. Tkaczuk through this subreddit, I’m glad I went through these 2 appointments with Kaiser first because it made the process of getting the botox procedure covered by Kaiser Insurance basically automatic.
On February 21st 2024 I had my first appointment at Emory with Dr. Tkaczuk. Once again this was pretty straightforward. I got another endoscopy which once again came back clean. He made sure I didn’t have any issues with acid reflux or heartburn, because in his experience the botox procedure can make those conditions worse. He also let me know that he’s performed this procedure over a hundred times now and never had any complications. I think he mentioned only having to redose maybe 3 patients when their first dose didn’t work. He did warn me that he mostly uses the botox procedure as a cure to bloating issues, as typically most of his patients don't go on to be world class belchers, but instead can burp just enough to relieve their symptoms of bloating and gas build up in the body. After going through all of the risks and potential side effects, I got the greenlight to get the botox procedure.
On April 12th 2024 I got my Botox procedure, and everything was incredibly easy! I showed up to Emory Hospital at 1pm and got taken back to pre-op by 1:30ish. I was not intubated since I am young and the procedure would only take around 30 minutes max, and they made sure to protect my teeth to prevent any damage that the instruments could cause. I underwent general anesthesia (Dr. Tkaczuk explained that he’s more comfortable doing the procedure under GA since the injection site is so close to vocal cords and other things that could be easily damaged if done under local) and was injected with 50 units of botox. I woke up and went home after the procedure with only a very minor sore throat. Dr. Tkaczuk warned me that I might not have any relief of my symptoms until 2 days after the procedure when the botox would likely begin to take effect. For the rest of my procedure day (Day 0) I only had a minor sore throat that eventually had gone away by bedtime.
Day 1 Post Botox Procedure I woke up and immediately drank some Sprite and Dr. Pepper, and luckily had no issues with any slow swallowing. I wasn’t getting my hopes up that I’d have any micro burps since I wasn’t 2 days post-op yet, but turns out I had nothing to worry about! Only a few hours after waking up I had my first micro-burp during a sneeze, and it only got more prevalent throughout the day. I naturally am a bit of a Dr. Pepper addict, so I was consuming fizzy drinks all day. The Dr. Pepper and Sprite gave me some occasional micro-burps, but eventually I drank a fizzy drink called “Guarana Antarctica” (A Brazilian soda similar tasting to Sprite which can be found at Brazilian grocery stores or Publix!) and that drink caused my burps to increase like crazy, so if you’re looking for a drink to induce your burps maybe try that! By night time I was practically micro-burping after every sip of a drink and even let out some quite large and quite nasty tasting burps. I also had at least 3 burps where I could feel acid come up through my nose a bit, which was definitely unpleasant but weirdly nice to experience because it told me that the procedure did its job! However all these burps were 100% uncontrollable. I did find that it was easier to get them out by turning my head to the side, but some just naturally came out while I was talking and I had no control to hold it back (I accidentally burped right in my aunt's face while talking to her!).
Day 3 Post Botox Procedure I started to get some very minor slow swallow side effects. I only experienced it when eating certain foods and luckily not with liquids. It didn’t really make it much harder to eat, I just had to wash down my bites with a drink every so often to make sure food didn’t get stuck in my throat. But otherwise my micro-burps continued as normal, but still were quite involuntary and I still didn’t have much control over them.
2 Weeks Post Botox Procedure not much has changed. I can still burp quite frequently, some sounding like loud real burps but most are just small releases of air. My slow swallow has pretty much gone away, sometimes I still need to chase some large bites of food down with liquid but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. One thing I’ve noticed that is kind of annoying is I cant drink anything if I’m not sitting up completely straight, and if I lay down too quickly after sipping something the liquid will come right back up! I assume that my esophagus is just kind of always a little open right now which is causing this. The other day I did have what I’d consider a “burp attack” after drinking some Chick Fil A sweet tea. I was in class and literally could not stop burping, which was great for practice but none of these burps offered any release. I’d let out a burp but still feel like there was air trapped in my chest. This only ended after I stopped drinking the tea and drank some soda instead, overall it was pretty weird and so I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. But so far I haven't noticed any painful bloating which has been great! I’ve explained the condition and procedure to all my friends, so whenever I’m hanging out with them they all encourage me with my burps which has been quite funny.
3 Weeks Post Botox Procedure my slow swallow symptoms are completely gone, and I’m experiencing full and natural burps when appropriate instead of small micro burps constantly through the day. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned how to burp at this point, but its hard to say until the botox really wears off. However I recently started experiencing a new and unpleasant side effect, which is throwing up a little bit in my mouth when I bend down too quickly. It’s only happened twice so far, but its very unpleasant, but I’m not super concerned since it’s likely just due to the muscle still being always slightly open. Another side effect is very jarring and painful burps that go up my nose after drinking soda. It’s really hard to describe but I’m sure anyone who has experienced it knows what I’m talking about. I’ve asked my non-RCPD family members if this is a normal thing and they all say that a burp like that happens very rarely, so I’m thinking it’ll go away soon.
5 Weeks Post Botox Procedure and all of my previous side effects have gone away! My burps are natural and happening at normal times still with the occasional burp when I sneeze. No more acid burps with soda, no more minor throwing up in my mouth when bending down. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with Dr. T this week, but due to some scheduling conflicts I had to cancel it. However I’m pretty sure he would have given me a clean bill of health, and at least in my opinion I can pretty confidently say I’ve been cured of RCP-D! I’m pretty sure it’ll be another month or two before the botox fully wears off, so if something major changes I’ll update this post. But I think at this point it’s safe to say all of my side effects are gone, and my body has stabilized to its new normal!
Overall I am incredibly grateful for how easy this process was for me. I’m so thankful that I never dealt with any doctors not believing in my symptoms or the condition itself, and the fact that the botox kicked in so quickly and I had minimal side effects! Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here, I hope this helps someone with their experience!

Okay I have been playing for the last few weeks since the NG update came out and surprisingly at first the game was running smooth with mods. Ever since F4SE and related mods have been updating I have literally had the game crash on me every 5 to 10 minutes. I have scoured the internet and tried every fix I could find to no avail. Buffout 4 hasnt been updated for NG yet so I am not getting crash reports.
Here's my PC Specs:
AMD Ryzen 9 5950X at 5.6Ghz
64GB Ram at 3600Mhz
Nvidia RTX 4080
Samsung 970 Evo M.2 SSD
I shouldn't have hardware issues with this game.
​
Here is my load order straight from LOOT, if I am missing a compatibility issue somewhere please let me know. I have spent 2 days making sure these are working with the NG Update. Thank you!
0 0 Fallout4.esm
1 1 DLCRobot.esm
2 2 DLCworkshop01.esm
3 3 DLCCoast.esm
4 4 DLCworkshop02.esm
5 5 DLCworkshop03.esm
6 6 DLCNukaWorld.esm
7 7 DLCUltraHighResolution.esm
254 FE 0 ccbgsfo4018-gaussrifleprototype.esl
254 FE 1 ccbgsfo4019-chinesestealtharmor.esl
254 FE 2 ccBGSFO4044-HellfirePowerArmor.esl
254 FE 3 ccfsvfo4001-modularmilitarybackpack.esl
254 FE 4 ccfsvfo4002-midcenturymodern.esl
254 FE 5 cceejfo4001-decorationpack.esl
254 FE 6 ccgcafo4003-factionws03bos.esl
254 FE 7 ccgcafo4011-factionws11vt.esl
254 FE 8 ccgcafo4013-factionas02bos.esl
254 FE 9 ccgcafo4022-factionas11vt.esl
254 FE a ccawnfo4001-brandedattire.esl
8 8 ccswkfo4001-astronautpowerarmor.esm
254 FE b ccbgsfo4055-dghusk.esl
254 FE c ccfrsfo4002-antimaterielrifle.esl
254 FE d ccbgsfo4076-pipmystery.esl
254 FE e ccgrcfo4002-pipgreenvim.esl
254 FE f ccsbjfo4001-solarflare.esl
9 9 cczsef04001-bhouse.esm
254 FE 10 ccqdrfo4001_powerarmorai.esl
254 FE 11 ccBGSFO4115-X02.esl
254 FE 12 ccrzrfo4002-disintegrate.esl
254 FE 13 ccBGSFO4116-HeavyFlamer.esl
254 FE 14 ccBGSFO4110-WS_Enclave.esl
254 FE 15 ccBGSFO4096-AS_Enclave.esl
10 a cczsefo4002-smanor.esm
254 FE 16 ccacxfo4001-vsuit.esl
254 FE 17 ccFSVFO4007-Halloween.esl
254 FE 18 ccsbjfo4002_manwellrifle.esl
11 b cctosfo4002_neonflats.esm
254 FE 19 ccbgsfo4117-capmerc.esl
254 FE 1a ccBGSFO4046-TesCan.esl
254 FE 1b ccSBJFO4003-Grenade.esl
254 FE 1c ccOTMFO4001-Remnants.esl
12 c Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch.esp
13 d ArmorKeywords.esm
14 e HUDFramework.esm
15 f WorkshopFramework.esm
254 FE 1d BakaFramework.esm
254 FE 1e PPF.esm
254 FE 1f Community Fixes Merged.esp
254 FE 20 TMR_GlitchfinderAIO.esm
16 10 SS2.esm
17 11 SS2_XPAC_Chapter2.esm
18 12 SS2_XPAC_Chapter3.esm
19 13 DiamondCity-OverridePatch.esp
20 14 AmericaRising2.esm
254 FE 21 REFramework.esm
21 15 SettlementKeywords.esm
22 16 YouAndWhatArmy2.esm
254 FE 22 RunningWithHandsAnim.esl
23 17 Homemaker.esm
254 FE 23 SS2WorkshopHUDOverride.esl
24 18 Robot Home Defence.esm
25 19 Darlene.esm
254 FE 24 StandaloneWorkbenches.esl
254 FE 25 Rebuild_SharedResources.esm
254 FE 26 DiamondCityAmbience.esl
254 FE 27 IDEKsLogisticsStation2.esl
26 1a CALIBER-COMPLEX.esm
254 FE 28 Leah's Daisy Chains.esl
254 FE 29 PPF-HeavyFlamer-CR.esm
254 FE 2a PPF-NeonFlats-CR.esm
27 1b Settlement Electricity Overhaul.esm
254 FE 2b WG City Plans Pack ESL.esl
254 FE 2c sanctuaryWG.esl
254 FE 2d Fortress Sanctuary - Copy.esl
254 FE 2e Bunker Hill Mega City.esl
254 FE 2f SetMaxSettlers.esl
254 FE 30 SimpleProstitutes.esl
254 FE 31 Vee_SS2_Chapter2_SettlersEssentialPatch.esl
254 FE 32 Vee_SS2_SettlersEssentialPatch.esl
254 FE 33 MM-Castle-HQ-By-Tarkkh-V2.6.esl
254 FE 34 Castle Minutemen HQ level 2 layout.esl
254 FE 35 Castle Minutemen HQ level 3 layout.esl
254 FE 36 VUVC-CityPlan.esl
254 FE 37 GavMan_Vault88_CityPlan.esl
254 FE 38 GavMan_Vault88_Layouts.esl
254 FE 39 CanarySaveFileMonitor.esl
254 FE 3a HiPolyFacesCompanionPlugin.esl
254 FE 3b Dank_ArmorPaintExtended.esl
28 1c UneducatedReload.esm
29 1d Games.esm
30 1e BarstoolGames.esm
254 FE 3c EssentialNPCsExpanded.esl
31 1f OVT.esp
254 FE 3d Enhanced Vanilla Armor and Clothing.esp
254 FE 3e Fixed Gobo Effects.esp
254 FE 3f DiamondCityBillboards.esp
254 FE 40 FO4ParticlePatch.esp
32 20 ImmersiveGenericDialogues.esp
33 21 Armorsmith Extended.esp
34 22 Rebuild_Settlements.esp
35 23 CombinedArmsNV.esp
36 24 CombinedArmsEXPack.esp
254 FE 41 FallUI_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
37 25 Armament.esp
254 FE 42 CombinedArmsIntegrationProject - Armament.esp
38 26 ImmersiveCleaning.esp
39 27 3DNPC_FO4.esp
254 FE 43 3DNPC_FO4-Patch.esp
40 28 CleanMySettlement.esp
41 29 BTInteriors_Project.esp
254 FE 44 RebuildBTI Necessary Changes.esp
42 2a SimHomestead2.esp
254 FE 45 OCsUniversityPoint.esp
43 2b Unique NPCs.esp
254 FE 46 DiverseSettlers.esp
254 FE 47 DIverseSettlersImmersionQoL.esp
44 2c DCGuard_Overhaul.esp
45 2d WeightlessMods.esp
46 2e WeaponModFixes-GOTY.esp
47 2f AWKCR - Mod Power Armor Engine Glitch Fix.esp
254 FE 48 MiscAnimTweaks.esp
48 30 RAW INPUT.esp
49 31 JumpFallPoseFix.esp
50 32 GrenadeCombatFixes.esp
254 FE 49 Flutter Flicker Fixer For Foliage.esp
254 FE 4a WhoIsTheGeneral.esp
254 FE 4b Keep Radiants In Commonwealth.esp
51 33 AttachPack.esp
254 FE 4c Attach Pack Modcol.esp
254 FE 4d OCsAtomCatsGarage.esp
52 34 DEEPriverV1.6.esp
53 35 BTInt_Optimization.esp
254 FE 4e LOST Sim Settlements 2 Patch.esp
54 36 SS2Extended.esp
254 FE 4f OCsSunkenGarage.esp
254 FE 50 Rebuild_Covenant.esp
254 FE 51 3DNPC-eXoPatch.esp
254 FE 52 LOST Bleachers 2 Patch.esp
55 37 the library.esp
254 FE 53 Rebuild_Settlements_Previs.esp
254 FE 54 OCsFiddlersGreen.esp
254 FE 55 Dank_ArmorOverrides.esp
56 38 SuperMutantRedux.esp
254 FE 56 LOST Super Mutant Redux Patch.esp
57 39 WeightlessAid_BetterItemSorting.esp
58 3a Crafting Mastery.esp
59 3b DCVendorOverhaulAIO.esp
60 3c The House.esp
254 FE 57 The House - eXoPatch.esp
61 3d OutcastsAndRemnants.esp
254 FE 58 the library - eXoPatch.esp
62 3e AnimatedCandles.esp
63 3f Depravity.esp
64 40 Vault4.esp
65 41 Stm_DiamondCityExpansion.esp
254 FE 59 DiamondCityExpansion-eXoPatch.esp
254 FE 5a Vault4-eXoPatch.esp
66 42 DiamondNewVendors.esp
67 43 TrainBar.esp
68 44 Sanctuary Pre-Walled.esp
69 45 AA FusionCityRising.esp
70 46 3DNPC_FO4_DLC.esp
254 FE 5b fakeInt.esp
254 FE 5c OCsDartmouthSkyscraper.esp
71 47 BTInt_Menus.esp
72 48 AmazingFollowerTweaks.esp
73 49 DCVendorClutter.esp
VCM_Sanctuary_Navmesh_Update_W_Roof.esp
74 4a f4killingthebugs2.esp
254 FE 5d Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCCoast.esp
75 4b KOTOR.esp
254 FE 5e CombinedArms_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
76 4c CheatTerminal.esp
77 4d InstituteSettlements2.esp
78 4e TU3SD4Y'S Commonwealth Responders.esp
254 FE 5f 3DNPC_FO4[Previsibines].esp
79 4f BetterSettlers.esp
254 FE 60 BG_UnderArmor_Fix.esp
80 50 W.A.T.Minutemen.esp
81 51 MilitarizedMinutemen.esp
82 52 Settlement_Markers.esp
83 53 MinutemenPropaganda.esp
254 FE 61 SS2_RobotMod.esp
84 54 Flashy_CrimeAndPunishment.esp
85 55 3DNPC_FO4Settler.esp
86 56 SS2_FDK_TinyLiving.esp
87 57 AA 50 Ways To Die.esp
88 58 Crafting Mastery - Armor Keywords Patch.esp
254 FE 62 CutContentNPCsAiO.esp
254 FE 63 Nova Uniques Combined Arms.esp
254 FE 64 Dank_ECO.esp
254 FE 65 Diamond City Supplements.esp
254 FE 66 GoodneighborView.esp
89 59 0_Vault120.esp
254 FE 67 Dank_WOP-CombinedArms.esp
90 5a ProjectValkyrie.esp
91 5b Eli_Armour_Compendium.esp
92 5c BosskCompanion.esp
254 FE 68 FiddlersGreenTftCPatch.esp
93 5d CloneTrooperCompanion_1.esp
254 FE 69 PRP-SS2-Fixes-Ch2.esp
94 5e CloneArmoryWeapons2.0.esp
95 5f SS2-Jampads2.esp
96 60 WattzLaserGun.esp
254 FE 6a Rebuild_Covenant_Previs.esp
97 61 llamaCompanionHeatherv2.esp
254 FE 6b FiddlersGreenTarberrySwap.esp
98 62 SS2WastelandVenturers.esp
99 63 [SS2 Addon] SimSettlements SuperStructures.esp
254 FE 6c TerrainUndersides.esp
100 64 FO4 NPCs Travel.esp
101 65 Cho1_SS2_Encv_Plots.esp
254 FE 6d ss2c23dnpcpatch.esp
102 66 RU556.esp
254 FE 6e OCsDartmouthSkyscraperExperimental.esp
103 67 RosieAtSomervilleAiO.esp
254 FE 6f PRP-SS2-Fixes-Ch1.esp
104 68 SigMCX.esp
254 FE 70 PuddleReflectionFix.esp
105 69 Less Annoying Berry Mentats.esp
254 FE 71 Dogmeat Follow Behind.esp
106 6a EasyHacking.esp
107 6b OutlineWorkshopShader.esp
254 FE 72 M8rDisablePipboyEffects.esp
108 6c LooksMenu.esp
109 6d Complex Vendors.esp
110 6e BlockingOverhaul.esp
254 FE 73 Chemfluence AI Combat Dynamics.esp
111 6f DLC Timing.esp
254 FE 74 DLC Timing - UFO4P Patch.esp
254 FE 75 WTG - KRIC Patch.esp
112 70 dcc-molotov-nerf.esp
254 FE 76 LegendariesTheyCanUse.esp
254 FE 77 No Sneaking in Power Armor.esp
113 71 Faster Terminal Displays (20x).esp
114 72 WeightlessJunk.esp
254 FE 78 LOST WATM Patch.esp
115 73 WeightlessSpecialAmmo.esp
116 74 CarryWeight99999.esp
254 FE 79 Legendary Mutation Messages Fix.esp
254 FE 7a Gloomy Glass.esp
254 FE 7b VividFallout - AiO - BestChoice.esp
254 FE 7c Targeted Textures.esp
254 FE 7d WAVE.esp
117 75 ScopeOverlayDOF.esp
118 76 RemoveBlur.esp
119 77 dD-Enhanced Blood Basic.esp
254 FE 7e Robot_Textures_Redone.esp
120 78 ValiusHDTextures2K.esp
121 79 Synth Overhaul.esp
122 7a Synth Overhaul - No level requirements Patch.esp
123 7b Synth Overhaul - Black Patch.esp
124 7c TrueGrass.esp
125 7d SuperMutantRedux VIS Patch.esp
126 7e SettlementMenuManager.esp
127 7f Homemaker - Streetlights Use Passive Power.esp
128 80 Homemaker - Unlocked Institute Objects.esp
254 FE 7f SS2_DLCSettlerPatch.esp
254 FE 80 SS2Extended_OutfitInjectionPatch.esp
129 81 SS2_CityPlanPack_RiseOfTheCommonwealth.esp
130 82 Quieter Settlements - Contraptions.esp
131 83 Quieter Settlements - Vanilla.esp
132 84 Quieter Settlements - Wasteland Workshop.esp
133 85 Robot Home Defence - Settlement Keywords.esp
134 86 nimroutroguesyntharmorstandalone.esp
135 87 SGOWastelandExpansion.esp
136 88 Brick_By_Brick_Master.esp
137 89 AtomicRadio.esp
138 8a FunctionalDisplays-Collectibles.esp
139 8b BetterCompanions.esp
140 8c DarleneDLC.esp
254 FE 81 LiveLove - Heather_Valkyrie.esp
141 8d ImmersiveVendors.esp
142 8e KSHairdos.esp
143 8f LooksMenu Customization Compendium.esp
144 90 AzarPonytailHairstyles.esp
145 91 Unique NPCs FarHarbor.esp
146 92 WorkshopTurretsDontHarmPlayerPerk.esp
254 FE 82 DiverseSettlersFarHarbor.esp
147 93 BetterSettlersMostlyFemale.esp
148 94 BetterSettlersCCAPack2.0.esp
149 95 Unique NPCs_SpecialSettlers_All.esp
150 96 HiPolyFaces.esp
151 97 CBBE.esp
152 98 Extended weapon mods.esp
153 99 CROSS_Cybernetics.esp
254 FE 83 LOST Cybernetics Patch.esp
154 9a CROSS_Cybernetics_NoRobotFootStepSounds.esp
155 9b LightsaberMod.esp
254 FE 84 CROSS_CourserStrigidae.esp
156 9c Craftable Armor Size - Fix Material Requirements.esp
157 9d Craftable Armor Size.esp
158 9e ChineseStealthSuit.esp
159 9f Tactical Flashlights.esp
160 a0 Tactical Flashlights - Settings.esp
254 FE 85 LOST Unique NPCs Patch.esp
161 a1 Unique_NPCs_SuperMutantRedux.esp
162 a2 Tactical Flashlights Armorsmith Patch.esp
163 a3 Eli_ArmourCollection.esp
164 a4 RichMerchants.esp
165 a5 LooksMirror.esp
166 a6 Crafting Mastery - CC Chinese Stealth Armor Patch.esp
254 FE 86 Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCNukaWorld.esp
167 a7 Crafting Mastery - AE Patch.esp
254 FE 87 SS2_XDI Patch.esp
254 FE 88 Attach Pack Mod Description Fixes.esp
254 FE 89 SprintOutOfCombat.esp
168 a8 DynamicOutfitting_CBBE.esp
169 a9 The Eyes Of Beauty.esp
254 FE 8a aBitPrettierNWRaiders.esp
170 aa [LOUDER] PowerArmorVoiceChanger.esp
254 FE 8b DiverseMinutemen.esp
254 FE 8c WeAreTheDiverseMinutemen.esp
254 FE 8d DiverseBoS.esp
254 FE 8e DiverseDCSecurity.esp
254 FE 8f Face Fixes - All in One.esp
254 FE 90 Dank_ECO-INNR.esp
254 FE 91 Dank_ECO_DLCCoast.esp
254 FE 92 Dank_ECO_DLCNukaWorld.esp
254 FE 93 Dank_ECO_DLCRobot.esp
254 FE 94 Eli_Armour_Compendium_LIF.esp
254 FE 95 Combat AI Empowered - Tweaked Accuracy.esp
FakeIntNacXTrueStormDApatch.esp
171 ab VATSFreezeFixNextGen.esp
172 ac Vault88AreaExtension.esp
173 ad Wu9DoubleGeneratorPower.esp
254 FE 96 SS2_Addon_Favelabulous.esp
174 ae SS2_Addon_R2R.esp
175 af SS2_ruined_simsettlement_addonpack.esp
176 b0 SS2_STRA_Buildings_and_Skins.esp
177 b1 SS2_STRA_Support_Buildings.esp
178 b2 SS2ConveyorStorage.esp
179 b3 PiperOverhaul2F1E.esp
254 FE 97 SS2_MagnussonTerminalFix.esp
180 b4 BlasTech E-11.esp
254 FE 98 Lightsaber_NoLL.esp
181 b5 CW Stormtrooper.esp
182 b6 BosskBountyHunter.esp
254 FE 99 OCsAtomCatsGarageGenericAtomCats.esp
183 b7 ProjectSynth.esp
184 b8 AE Animated Jetpacks.esp
185 b9 FO4LaserBolts.esp
186 ba CloneArmory4.0.esp
187 bb CloneTrooperCompanionArmoryPatch.esp
188 bc Thematic and Practical.esp
189 bd Thematic and Practical - DLC.esp
190 be JunkTownTwo.esp
191 bf GarageHomesAndSensibleSecurity.esp
192 c0 BMW_ALA.esp
193 c1 SKKGlobalStashScrapping.esp
254 FE 9a CompanionStatus-Settings.esp
194 c2 CompanionStatus.esp
195 c3 DCE_female_body_replacer.esp
254 FE 9b DCENS.esp
254 FE 9c CBBEHR.esp
254 FE 9d CBBEHR_3DNPC.esp
254 FE 9e CBBEHR_SS2.esp
254 FE 9f CBBEHR_SS2Ch2.esp
254 FE a0 SS2-3DNPC-Settlers.esp
196 c4 SKKCompanionWeaponLL.esp
197 c5 SS2-PraRandomAddon.esp
198 c6 X12Plasmacaster.esp
254 FE a1 SigMCX_LvlListPatch.esp
254 FE a2 SigMCX_MaterialPack.esp
254 FE a3 OCsSunkenGarageGhoulSettlers.esp
254 FE a4 No More Fake Puddles - Nuka World 1-0.esp
254 FE a5 IDEKsLogisticsStation2_SS2_Patch.esp
199 c7 SS-ILS2 patch.esp
200 c8 DX_Predator.esp
254 FE a6 LOST 50 Ways to Die Patch.esp
254 FE a7 LOST Beantown Interiors Patch.esp
254 FE a8 LOST Better Companions Patch.esp
254 FE a9 LOST Bleachers Patch.esp
254 FE aa LOST Cheat Terminal Patch.esp
254 FE ab LOST Chinese Sealth Patch.esp
254 FE ac LOST Companion Status Patch.esp
254 FE ad LOST Complex Vendors Patch.esp
254 FE ae LOST Courser Strigidae Patch.esp
254 FE af LOST Darlene Patch.esp
254 FE b0 LOST Depravity Patch.esp
254 FE b1 LOST Diamond City Expansion Patch.esp
254 FE b2 Eli_Armour_Compendium_Tweaks_ECO.esp
254 FE b3 LOST Eli Compendium Patch.esp
254 FE b4 LOST Fourville Patch.esp
254 FE b5 LOST Fusion City Rising Patch.esp
254 FE b6 LOST Global Stash Patch.esp
254 FE b7 LOST Heather Patch.esp
254 FE b8 LOST Homemaker Patch.esp
254 FE b9 LOST Militarized BLUE Patch.esp
254 FE ba LOST NPC Travel Patch.esp
254 FE bb LOST Outcasts and Remnants Patch.esp
254 FE bc LOST Project Valkyrie Patch.esp
254 FE bd LOST RU556 Patch.esp
254 FE be LOST Settlement Menu Manager Patch.esp
254 FE bf LOST Settlers of the Commonwealth Patch.esp
254 FE c0 LOST SS2 Chapter 2 Patch.esp
254 FE c1 LOST SS2 Extended Patch.esp
254 FE c2 LOST Synth Overhaul Patch.esp
254 FE c3 LOST Tactical Flashlights Patch.esp
254 FE c4 LOST Tales Commonwealth Patch.esp
LOST Visible Companion Affinity Patch.esp
254 FE c5 LOST Wattz Laser Patch.esp
254 FE c6 LOST Workshop Framework Patch.esp
254 FE c7 LOST CC Anti-Materiel Rifle Patch.esp
254 FE c8 LOST CC Capital Wasteland Patch.esp
254 FE c9 LOST CC Capt Cosmos Patch.esp
254 FE ca LOST CC Charlestown Condo Patch.esp
254 FE cb LOST CC Chinese Armor Patch.esp
254 FE cc LOST CC Gauss Prototype Patch.esp
254 FE cd LOST CC Graphic T-Shirt Pack Patch.esp
254 FE ce LOST CC Heavy Incinerator Patch.esp
254 FE cf LOST CC Hellfire Patch.esp
254 FE d0 LOST CC Home Decor Patch.esp
254 FE d1 LOST CC Manwell Rifle Patch.esp
254 FE d2 LOST CC Military Backpack Patch.esp
254 FE d3 LOST CC Modern Furniture Patch.esp
254 FE d4 LOST CC Neon Flats Patch.esp
254 FE d5 LOST CC Sentinel System Patch.esp
254 FE d6 LOST CC Shroud Manor Patch.esp
254 FE d7 LOST CC Solar Cannon Patch.esp
254 FE d8 LOST CC Tesla Cannon Patch.esp
254 FE d9 LOST CC Vault Suit Patch.esp
254 FE da LOST CC X-02 Patch.esp
254 FE db LOST CC Zetan Arsenal Patch.esp
254 FE dc CombinedArmsEX_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
254 FE dd Deliverer_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
254 FE de DLCCoast_RadiumRifle_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
FG-42 Ausf.E ParaTroop Rifle_No TR_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
254 FE df SIGMCX_CALIBER_COMPLEX_PATCH.esp
254 FE e0 Combined Arms EX_LLI.esp
254 FE e1 Combined Arms_LLI.esp
254 FE e2 Star Wars - The Lightsaber_LLI.esp
201 c9 DT_GunnerOutfitPack.esp
254 FE e3 Gunner Outfit Replacer.esp
254 FE e4 Rebuild_Workshop.esp
202 ca MyCityPlans(4).esp
203 cb Passthrough.esp
204 cc ConnectedWorkshops.esp
254 FE e5 Invisible and Longer Power Lines.esp
205 cd DEEPriver NoRads.esp
206 ce SimSettlements2_AddOnPack_ApocalypticAdditions_SirLach.esp
207 cf SS2_SIMPDDDD.esp
208 d0 ohSIM_Sim2_Settlements_Scrappers_Addon.esp
254 FE e6 SS2Addon_MS_BareEssentials.esp
254 FE e7 SS2AOP_VaultTecTools.esp
209 d1 SS2_WastelandDefense.esp
210 d2 AutoDoors.esp
254 FE e8 Rebuild_SharedResources_AutoDoors.esp
211 d3 Faction Pack Template.esp
254 FE e9 ProjectValkyrie-SS2-Patch.esp
212 d4 RandomSettlers.esp
254 FE ea RandomSettlers - LevelUp.esp
213 d5 SS2UI.esp
254 FE eb WastelandResources.esp
254 FE ec Raze My Settlement.esp
254 FE ed Armament - Caliber Complex Patch.esp
254 FE ee Armament-ECO_PatchUpdate.esp
214 d6 KSHairsFemsheppingRadbeetle.esp
215 d7 KSHairdos_oel.esp
216 d8 Lots More Facial Hair.esp
254 FE ef LKsAbbot.esp
254 FE f0 LKsAllanLee.esp
254 FE f1 LKsAnnCodman.esp
254 FE f2 LKsAnneHargraves.esp
254 FE f3 LKsArturoRodrigues.esp
254 FE f4 LKsBeckyFallon.esp
254 FE f5 LKsBlakeAbernathy.esp
254 FE f6 LKsCarla.esp
254 FE f7 LKsCathy.esp
254 FE f8 LKsClairHutchins.esp
254 FE f9 LKsConnieAbernathy.esp
254 FE fa LKsDarcyPembroke.esp
254 FE fb LKsDeacon.esp
254 FE fc LKsDeb.esp
254 FE fd LKsDesdemona.esp
254 FE fe LKsDoctorCarrington.esp
254 FE ff LKsDoctorDuff.esp
254 FE 100 LKsDoctorSun.esp
254 FE 101 LKsElliePerkins.esp
254 FE 102 LKsFahrenheit.esp
254 FE 103 LKsFather.esp
254 FE 104 LKsFredAllen.esp
254 FE 105 LKsGeneva.esp
254 FE 106 LKsGeorgeCooper.esp
254 FE 107 LKsGlory.esp
254 FE 108 LKsHarvey.esp
254 FE 109 LKsHenryCooke.esp
254 FE 10a LKsJoeSavoldi.esp
254 FE 10b LKsJohn.esp
254 FE 10c LKsJunLong.esp
254 FE 10d LKsKasumiNakano.esp
254 FE 10e LKsKay.esp
254 FE 10f LKsKellogg.esp
254 FE 110 LKsKenjiNakano.esp
254 FE 111 LKsKessler.esp
254 FE 112 LKsLucyAbernathy.esp
254 FE 113 LKsMamaMurphy.esp
254 FE 114 LKsMarcyLong.esp
254 FE 115 LKsMariner.esp
254 FE 116 LKsMarovski.esp
254 FE 117 LKsMaxson.esp
254 FE 118 LKsMayorMcDonough.esp
254 FE 119 LKsMoeCronin.esp
254 FE 11a LKsMyrna.esp
254 FE 11b LKsOldLongfellow.esp
254 FE 11c LKsPaladinDanse.esp
254 FE 11d LKsPastorClemens.esp
254 FE 11e LKsPaulPembroke.esp
254 FE 11f LKsPickman.esp
254 FE 120 LKsPolly.esp
254 FE 121 LKsPorterCage.esp
254 FE 122 LKsPrestonGarvey.esp
254 FE 123 LKsProfessorScara.esp
254 FE 124 LKsReiNakano.esp
254 FE 125 LKsRexGoodman.esp
254 FE 126 LKsRonnieShaw.esp
254 FE 127 LKsRufusRubin.esp
254 FE 128 LKsScarlett.esp
254 FE 129 LKsScribeHaylen..esp
254 FE 12a LKsSheffield.esp
254 FE 12b LKsSierraPetrovita.esp
254 FE 12c LKsSolomon.esp
254 FE 12d LKsStanSlavin.esp
254 FE 12e LKsSturges.esp
254 FE 12f LKsTinkerTom.esp
254 FE 130 LKsTonySavoldi.esp
254 FE 131 LKsTravisMiles.esp
254 FE 132 LKsTrudy.esp
254 FE 133 LKsVadimBobrov.esp
254 FE 134 LKsVaultTecRep.esp
254 FE 135 LKsWolfgang.esp
254 FE 136 LKsX6-88.esp
254 FE 137 LKsYefimBobrov.esp
254 FE 138 Dank_ArmorOverrides_DLCRobot.esp
254 FE 139 Dank_INNRoverride.esp
217 d9 TGF_TrueGrassFix.esp
218 da NPCRespawnFix.esp
254 FE 13a Dank_ECO_UneducatedReload.esp
254 FE 13b SS2_AFT.esp
254 FE 13c AFTSpouseTweaks.esp
219 db AFT_Alt_Names_Pack1.esp
254 FE 13d Community Fixes Merged - Weapon Mod Fixes Patch.esp
254 FE 13e MinutemenPropaganda SMM.esp
220 dc BarstoolGames_FH.esp
221 dd BarstoolGames_NW.esp
222 de SS2_CLB_WATMPack.esp
254 FE 13f REPatch_AmericaRising2LegacyOfTheEnclave.esp
254 FE 140 Lightweight Lighting.esp
254 FE 141 WET.esp
254 FE 142 PRP.esp
254 FE 143 3DNPC_BTI_Optimization.esp
254 FE 144 RebuildBTIPrevisPatch.esp
254 FE 145 OCsBreakHeartBanks.esp
254 FE 146 OCsProspectPark.esp
254 FE 147 OCsLakeQ.esp
254 FE 148 PRP_IC.esp
254 FE 149 OCsCochituate.esp
254 FE 14a OCsCharlesviewAmpitheater.esp
254 FE 14b PRP-SS2.esp
254 FE 14c the library_Patch.esp
254 FE 14d The House_Patch.esp
254 FE 14e 3DNPC_FO4_Patch.esp
254 FE 14f OCsV81TradeCamp.esp
254 FE 150 DiamondCity-PreVis.esp
254 FE 151 Em_Vault4_Previs.esp
254 FE 152 Em_3DNPC_FO4_Previs.esp
254 FE 153 0_Vault120_NordhagenHaven_PRP.esp
254 FE 154 DiamondNewVendors_Patch.esp
254 FE 155 OCsV81TradeCampGrassReduced.esp
254 FE 156 OCsCochituateReducedGrass.esp
254 FE 157 OCsProspectParkEBA.esp
254 FE 158 OCsBreakheartBanksSS2QuestPatch.esp
254 FE 159 CharlesviewHappyCult.esp
254 FE 15a OCsV81TradeCampEarlyUnlock.esp
254 FE 15b OCsNukaTransitCenter.esp
223 df EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
254 FE 15c EnhancedLightsandFX - Automatron.esp
254 FE 15d PRP-ELFXOPC.esp
254 FE 15e ELFX-PreVis.esp
254 FE 15f ELFX-eXoPatch.esp
254 FE 160 ELFX Crash fix.esp
254 FE 161 WorkshopFramework_ScriptOverride.esp
​

I like getting feedback on my work & want people to be honest, so I can continue to grow. However, I feel like there’s a difference between someone being brutally honest vs someone who uses it as an excuse to slightly bully or make you feel insecure. My coworker has given me feedback on a few things. It’s usually unsolicited advice. Once I was in a meeting, pitching ideas and she called me right afterwards to tell me I sounded like I had no confidence and I needed to come with better ideas. It caught me off guard.
Another time we were at dinner with a mutual friend who we met at our apartment. She brought up a presentation I had done that I know didn’t go as well as I’d hoped for. I have social anxiety, so a lot of these things are hard for me. I stumbled on my words and was awkward, but I push through and get the work done and try to do the best I can. People don’t understand that simply speaking was hard for me to do at one point in my life. Personally I feel like I’m making strides, even though I’m not where I’d like to be.
She came to dinner and looked like she didn’t even want to be there. She brought up my presentation saying she saw it and made this judgmental look on her face. I awkwardly laughed and just said I got nervous and some things didn’t work out like I hoped for. She went on a slight rant on what I could’ve done better, but it wasn’t in a nice way. It was like in a “you should know better. Here’s what you should’ve done.”
The fact she said all of this in front of someone who doesn’t even work with us, just made me feel like she was doing this as a way to put me down ? Another time we were talking about a coworker of ours. She brought up the person and was going on at how annoying they are. I just shared a story on how me and the woman got in a disagreement once. She said how the woman has said some things about me before and mentioned what she said about the wigs I wear and how she wanted to talk to me about my hair. My friend said she thought my hair was fine. But I just wondered what was her motive on telling me this ? It made me self conscious. I can’t afford expensive wigs. I buy synthetic ones, but I do what I can to make them look presentable.
In that same conversation, we began to talk about work again. She mentioned how I seem like I’m scared of the world and scared of my own shadow and laughed. She said I needed more confidence. This once again, made me feel bad about myself. Again, I’ve struggled so much with social anxiety for years and I’m working on myself. Hearing someone say this, just made me wonder if all my hard work to improve was for nothing, if I still appear to be “scared of the world.” She also talked about my voice and how I need to sound more authoritative when I speak. This advice does the opposite at helping me. It just makes me self conscious even more. Telling someone to be confident, rather than explain how to build confidence I think is counterproductive. Again, I’m working on myself, but people don’t know what I secretly struggle with.
The one time I did ask for advice about an issue she was once again very harsh. At times, I felt like she was taking for the management side of things. She’s friends with our managers too, so I felt like she was defensive when I’d bring up issues. I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive or if this person is really just trying to put me down.
This person is someone who I feel like showcases an extreme level of confidence to overcompensate her looks. She is over weight and I feel like she’s not truly comfortable with herself. She’s said a few things about her weight before in a joking way, but I feel like there’s some truth to how she feels about herself. I wonder if she uses me as a punching bag to feel better about herself.