Men over 30

Used all the dating apps for about the past 4 years. Hinge, tinder, bumble etc.
5 ft 8 man m, fairly athletic, good looking I would realistically rate myself as a 6/10, slightly above average.
Tried the online dating game. In 4 years I got maybe in total 30 matches across 3 apps. Even paid for a few of them. I would advise against paying for any of them.
Around the 3 year mark I decided to stay on apps but try in person dating. Went to a few in person events, clubs, social events, classes etc. Didn't have much success but I would say bit better than the dating apps.
My main area of success was in person cold/warm approaching. Within 2 months I got into a relationship.
I stopped using the dating apps and deleted them when I got into a relationship. 4 months later it didn't workout but I was very impressed that I was able to succeed with finding dates outside of the apps.
I got back into the online dating game just to see how bad it was and yes it was horrible. I did the public approach again and within 2 weeks I got more dates that I ever did in the 3 years at that time I was using dating apps.
I eventually just flat out removes any dating apps and swore to never use them again because of how useless they are and how deceptive they are to make money off love. I would say they are modern day pimps because how can you design an app to be used and re-download over and over again? I'm sure hinge and the other apps benefit greatly based on this shady business model.
One thing I will say is that most single people in public want to approach/be approached. Even the women I approached that didn't want a date thanked me for approaching them as they haven't had anyone approach them in years and had self conscious issues thinking they weren't good enough for men to approach them
Men do want to approach but they are afraid they are being creepy and women want more men to approach. I even talked to a girl that wanted a relationship but didn't have success in the apps. I told her she can approach men, she claimed she could never but I got her out of her shell and now she's in a successful marriage.
Another thing I want to say is that social media and apps like this one really discourage men and women to communicate in person with this few horror stories of bad first dates. So men and women you should delete all the dating apps and get out there.
Dating apps have the highest failure rate even with relationships because people think if it doesnt work out they can just go back to the apps for another person. In person dating has a significantly higher success rate compared to app dating.

Background - growing up I was socially stunted. Had a few flings in uni but since moving back home (Toronto is uber expensive and on my salary im afford to move out), dating has been a struggle. Im a 6'4" black dude who thinks of himself as well-rounded (I dress as well as I can, hit the gym 4 times a week, read a lot and am a history nerd generally while still liking "cool" stuff like watching basketball and listening to rap). The last 7 years I have spent trying to learn daygame, nightgame, because I am generally unable to have a fulfilling dating life off the apps.Unfortunately now Im at the point where im banned from tinder for making accounts too many times, hinge is very on and off (get quite a few matches but they rarely respond), and last few dates ive been on the girl has been less attractive than her pic and I cut things off. I am completely stuck in my head and unfortunately over past few years have embraced a bit of the blackpill mindset where literally your face is the #1 most important thing that matters to a woman. Walking around yesterday seeing couples of all shapes and sizes made me start to question my sanity. I start to think "wtf is so wrong with me" that not a single decently attractive woman would be open to starting a conversation with me? While I would love to embrace the Passport bros lifestyle, unfortunately right now my job ties me to this goddamn city. If men shorter than me and uglier than me are having no problem finding a decent relationship, its like what the fuck is wrong with me? I feel as though I am a complete repellant to women and as a man pushing 30 Im really starting to worry. I def want a long-term partner and family one day, but right now I feel that is unattainable. I'm not even looking for a long-term partner at this second just because I feel I have missed out on so many formative experiences with women, so right now I just wanna live the seduction reddit lifestyle. Starting to wonder if maybe my standards are too high, although i tend to think my standards are reasonable. https://picallow.com/pic-1259/?usp_success=2&post_id=324962&form_id=27

First off, feel free to comment about your own experiences. I would love it if anybody can relate. I'm also open to questions, advice, whatever you wanna write. This is gonna be a bit longer, just fyi. Excuse lack of proper chronological order and maybe some wonky sentences, English isn't my first language.
I was parentified.
For context, my mother has three children, I'm the youngest one, then there's my older half-brother (30) and my older half-sister (36). Their father was a violent alcoholic with schizophrenic tendencies (official diagnosis), luckily I never met him. I refer to them as brother and sister. I'm 21 now. I'm the only child of my mom and my dad, my dad has three other kids who are in the same age group as my maternal siblings. Lots of history with divorces and family fights, I'm the center of a complete patchwork family, everybody moved towns a lot, it's all a bit messy and disorganized.
My mother has severe borderline disorder and has massive trauma from several age stages, especially involving men. She was heavily parentified and yet socially cast out by her family herself. I don't remember a time where I didn't act like her father, emotionally. This is made worse by the fact that I'm trans so I was like her bestie before I began socially transitioning in my early teen years. Of course, this was a massive issue for her. She told me she had only ever wanted daughters. Materially she was taking care of things until I was about 11 - walked me to school and took care of the household, used to work, everything.
I remember sitting next to her during a talk/fight she had with my dad while she was sobbing, I can't have been older than 3 or 4. They got divorced around that time. As I grew older, I came to be my mom's sole emotional support person. We had moved to an isolated village with my step-father and she developed a severe agoraphobia for some time. My step-father avoided all emotionality with both her and me and therefore I was now her only friend. I overheard conversations that she shouldn't be having with her child next door and was told about her most severe fears and traumas from a young age. I was lashed out at on a near daily basis and punishment came unexpectedly. It would consist of being screamed at for minutes on end until I would cry and hyperventilate, but she wouldn't stop then.
In spite of her idea of punishment and raising children, she was incredibly attached to me, still is. This would include massive anxiety fits when she didn't know where I was or when I was getting into activities she didn't approve of. One time, when I was about 17, I went to a party in my friend's basement. She knew about this and approved it, knew my friends and where they lived. I didn't have any signal in that basenent so she couldn't reach me. She proceeded to look up my other friends' parents' phone number and call them to contact me. There was nothing she wanted except to know that I had arrived there.
Whereas my other siblings had long left the household years apart from eachother, both with specific and complex fights and banging doors and screaming fits, I was, as the youngest child, turned into a confessional and a therapist. I would mediate fights from a young age. I witnessed physical violence between my brother, my mother and my sister. My brother was the perpetrator for the most part (however, I was neither hurt nor threatened myself). Nobody proceeded to remove me from the situation or stop me from getting involved. From then on, every fight and every drama caused me intense bouts of anxiety and it, to this day, remains to be the only thing that makes me cry and/or lash out.
In a household full of anger, my anger was not tolerated. I was raised with some old-timey sort of black paedagogy (edit: by this i mean some nazi-era remnants type of paedagogy) (I'm German so it is something of a generational curse for some): I was to have unwavering respect for my parents, I was expected to be obedient, "let him cry it out" type stuff. At least when I was a younger child. When I got older, my emotions did not matter either. After stressful situations or fights that I proceeded to witness for most of my life, nobody ever asked me how I felt or explained to me what had actually gone down. I was left alone while not being left alone at all.
If I failed to provide emotional security for my mother or even attempted to call her out, I was made to feel immensely guilty. This could range from her crying/yelling things like "Why is it always me that must suffer" to guilt-tripping texts and blocking my contact for a while to very action-based suicide threats, depending on the situation. Her emotions were forced to be my emotions if I wanted to "stay alive".
At the same time, I still proceeded to excel in school. I felt like dying but nobody, and I tell you, nobody, noticed. I was a teacher's pet, I still had some loose friendships, I visited my dad once a month or more ever since my parents divorced. Nobody realized what I felt. I felt alone and had the worst depressive episode of my life when I was 13. I neglected personal hygiene. I never opened up to my father for many years. To this day I think he doesn't know everything. Especially during covid, him and my ex-stepmother were my safe space. When I first opened up to them, they welcomed me with open arms, my father was very strict and cold when I was young, but he softened, changed, and is everything and more I could ask for in a father. He is among the most positive examples of masculinity and especially of fatherhood that I know in my circles. He sends me postcards several times a month, wants me to visit, hugs me and tells me he loves me and that he's proud, gives me space. The dad who remembers the names of our childhood stuffed animals. Literally. I love him to death. He was also the only parent who engaged in activities with me and would play with me, later on take me to the movies, go to bars and restaurants, go to museums with me etc.
My mother got worse both psychologically and physically, she is chronically ill and needs immense support in a lot of things now. For about a year, my stepfather worked in a town far away and only came home during the weekends. This was during covid. Within a year, I developed a hatred so deep for my mother that I had thoughts that scared me. I took care of our pets and the household, was not allowed to get into any activities after school other than coming home and spent hours after my day listening to her rants, anxieties, fears. I get hateful goosebumps when I remember the way she used to call my name when she wanted me to do something for her. Sometimes she would make me stay awake for longer, knowing that I had to get up at 6am again. It was usually already around 12 at night. She wanted me to walk the dog before SHE went to bed because otherwise it would ruin her otherwise horribly insomniac circadian rhythm. Therefore I was not allowed to go to sleep. At that point she had not worked for more than 6 years and stayed home all the time. My stepfather and I did grocery shopping. She rarely ever leaves the house if she can avoid it. This was during the German version of my GCSE's.
I was denied medical care that could have potentially fixed my posture issues and other orthopedic issues. My mother deemed physiotherapy as inefficient and got mad when I asked her about it again. Money was always an issue. We were evicted once. I was denied certain things and never asked for extra cash because we ran low on money, my stepfather was blamed for smoking and consuming a lot of meat (which indeed is pricy), but my mother never reflected on her online shopping addiction and I'm aware that she is in an ongoing debt. Has been for years now.
Things got a bit better when my stepfather moved back and Covid cleared up somewhat. Regardless, I used pure spite to continue studying hard while they were yelling at eachother from the top of their lungs for hours on end and did the best I could to get the hell out of there. I've had therapy with several years' of breaks for a total of nearly 3 years now, that I partially applied for myself and I'm working on tackling everything. I live in a different city, studying subjects that I love. I get all my shit done, for the most part, I know how to do paperwork and know how all of the chores work. I can regulate myself in terms of sleep and food and cheap thrills. I have a (milder) case of anxiety. I keep meaningful friendships in which I find myself capable of avoiding all the harmful behaviors and attitudes I was taught. I'm learning to stand my ground and take responsibility for my own decisions and actions.
When I establish my boundaries with her now, she turns into some sort of anxious-attached mess. She over-apologizes to me. She puts me on a pedestal and I'm living a life that she is jealous of. She is intensely attached to me and considers me her favorite child and also hasn't properly gotten over my father, over 15 years of them being divorced. She will do anything to support me materially and then tear me down emotionally. Everything I tell her is followed by her mourning the life she doesn't have and never had instead of properly celebrating with me. She gets noticeably sad when I refuse to give her my full attention, she yearns for what she considered a deep and important relationship to me. But it was all just emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Now I sometimes can't help but meet her with the same attitude she gave me.
This is not perfectly chronological and all over the place. I have complicated relationships with my siblings and other relatives, which I don't mourn, but feel guilty about. My father and I are very good with eachother although I need to confront him about some things as well. With my mother I do the bare minimum to avoid conflict, yet without throwing my sense of self out of the window again. She is the only human who can easily cause anxiety attacks in me, no matter where or when. I sometimes wish I was not in contact with her. I have a tendency for smoking too much weed and being just a bit too careless with other drugs (although I rarely do those in comparison), but I also try and regulate this heavily (e.g. not finding a dealer but asking friends every once in a while etcetc). I think this stems from these experiences. Apart from that, I think I'm coping very well.
To everybody: it does get better. It does. Even when your emotions are a rollercoaster sometimes. You will be in a different place, maybe you already are, and you'll escape from these structures. I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is that I create my own reality and that nobody will give me my stolen childhood back. I am an (albeit young) adult now and I must do everything I can to avoid becoming like her. Her life is not a life I want to lead. There's hope and you won't always be in this place.

Where do I begin. For the purpose of this post, I will use fictious names and locations as it is ongoing, and out of respect (even though she doesn't deserve any)
My name is Daniel. I am 35 years old, and i am dying. I have a disease called systemic sclerosis. I am currently on a supplemental disability plan, until I get approved for SSI (social Security). Until then, my income is about 4K a month. I own a home but after child support and bills, NOT INCLUDING gas, food, haircuts, medical appointments, and or emergencies like my fridge just broke. (which i never go out) I am left with $260 that has to last me a month. I also have three children who I have to take care of half the time per the 50/50 agreement.
Recently, I found out my oldest, (who is 13) is not biologically mine. I decided to look into it as I had concerns for a while since my divorce as her cheating was very rampant. I also had caught her in 2017 with a man in my house, which is what prompted the divorce. But FL being a no fault state, doesn't matter. I also had to pay child support since the beginning and WHILE LEGALLY Married since 2010 because she had applied for financial support like food stamps and government assistance then. I know what your thinking. Why didnt you stop it then? I tried. You cant take yourself off child support. I also never grew up with a father and wanted that two-parent household. I don't run from responsibilities, like he did. Its how I was raised. Anyways, I married her, tried to do the right thing, she lied numerous times. she never worked, and I worked 90 plus hours a week. To look into her cheating, was impossible at the time as I was never home. and to busy providing for my family.
fast forward to now. My disease started to become worse and over three years; it didn't reveal itself until last year fully to actually pinpoint what this was. for instance, I had in 2019 pain behind my eyes and horrible headaches to the point that I thought I had MS. following year, I had trouble swallowing for 3 months. next year itching in the skin for three months. But prior, I had visited various doctors to see what was going on, each time a flare up then would last 3 to four months, which again, when you don't understand what's going on, you need to take time off to go see doctors, run tests, but this illness was and still is very elusive. with that being said I had 5 jobs since its first flare up till last year to continue to support my family and to pay child support. as of last year. I'm having trouble moving on certain days, breathing and acid reflux and muscle atrophy. (disease progression) especially when this is going on, it worsens everything as this is flared up. I was working under the table to try and make ends meet as I was paying child support still. I should add that the child support with 50/50 custody was $1029 for three kids cause I was making six figures at the time of divorce in 2018. Last year however, I couldn't work anymore, and filed for disability.
In june of last year, I had asked Susan, to get the children school supplies, (which she never does) as I was still paying at the time $1029 in child support. She said she didnt have the money despite now making 70k and her new BF living with her and is working whom she cheated on me with. With me working under the table, I bought them clothes, haircuts, school supplies (ive done every year) but then, I noticed she went on vacation to puerto rico and got a giant leg tattoo. At the time, I had already known what I had, and I asked myself why the heck am I doing this? So i turned to an attorney to get it modified. Again, this is June 20th to be exact of last year. My lawyer, stated that this was only going to be a 90 day turn around for the temporary modification then we will go for the final.
Since then, I have gone for a DNA test. I had to know. I am dying. I wanted to know. And you may judge me for this. but i have filed for disablement for paternity, meaning I am removing myself from the birth certificate. However, in the state of Florida, a mother can deny this and so can the courts. before you judge me, I have many reasons none of which have to do with him other then his mental disability (Aspergers) This illness, as days go by takes more and more from me. As previously aforementioned, I am left with 250 a month. I cannot go get a drs appointment pay for groceries or start planning my funeral which I will start making payments on soon. He also eats three times the amount that we all collectively do (Not his fault) but I have paid enough both mentally and financially. He also has trouble communicating as my suspicions is, that he was born of incest (gross) which is why I was 'chosen' to be his father at the time. Before you ask how do you know? Lets just say she had an uncle 'leave' during that time.
anyways, in February, I had the temporary modification hearing for child support and needless to say it was a circus. My doctor was subpoenaed to be there by my attorneys request to better my argument, even though I felt we didn't need her, she advised me to have my doctor there. Well, he attorney attacked my doctor and me for an hour and 40 mins when the court case was only supposed to go for an hour. He said "you saw another dr Max so and so and they said it was all in your head" (again I had flare ups on a illness that hadnt revealed itself correctly since last year). So there argument was that I was doctor seeking to avoid child support. After I have paid for 13 years never missing a payment. Her lawyer also targeted people who are living with me. Now I'll admit that I said they were friends which is true but how else can I pay for my attorney? Cant work, cant sell drugs, cant rob a bank? So they want to take there income into consideration. BS. She also hired a private investigator to watch me exercise outside and stated that because I can exercise, I can work..... Ok. Where's the 23 hours of the rest of the day watching me in pain. or when do you have me on video of a flare up from this terminal illness? (that's what I wanted to say)
Although I was granted the temporary modification, of $209, I left the court thinking wow, this woman can cheat, commit paternity fraud, not give two craps about our children, live with her mom in a section 8 home, and here I am doing whatever I can and I've done nothing wrong but be lied to and this is how my government, my country treats me? No wonder men my age dont have children this is insane. The paternity issue wasn't even brought up they said that this isnt the place for this and that the disestablishment will be another trial for those wondering. My lawyer only spoke for 5 mins. Asking her about her income cause thats the only thing that has changed since 2018 since she didnt work at the time. Other than that, it was an attack on me and my disease arguing my ability to work.
after leaving that, I didnt eat for 96 hours. I have since been crying nonstop. Compilating suicide. I am already heart broken about my son not being mine. Sure does a terminal illness make me said, no question everyday. But a life wasted on another? Cause I decided to be a man and take up responsibility? thats soul crushing. And to say "well, there is a big chance the courts will deny your request' thats BS. If i go to prison because I was accused of a robbery for 13 years, and DNA evidence proves I wasnt there, I get out of jail and can sue. This is no different. If anything, DNA evidence needs to be more of a factor in family law than in almost every court of law if not as equally important. My bad for not investigating her infidelity not only in the beginning but also in the end. How about not being a POS. sorry rant over
gets better. Her mom and dad smoke in the section 8 house, kids reek of cigarette smoke and marijuana, all day. they dont take showers there, they were hand me down clothes, they live in the garage shared with there mother, that isn't air conditioned. and he makes only a few thousand less than I do a month. She stated in court that she pays her mom $500 in rent which is BS, she is only doing that now so that she makes herself look bad. I know she is doing pills, like oxy and what not. Id love to prove it.
after the temp hearing, in april, I had to go to court to contest my drivers license suspension as I hadn't paid child support since, august of last year. again, there is no way, I can pay my bills, feed my children, go to the doctor, pay my lawyer to end all of this BS and pay the current child support amount. and again, this final hearing is still not set yet. So they intercepted my tax return, even though the temporary modification was approved, the final is what gets it retro backed to the date of filing, so they took, a much needed 5500 tax return from me. I needed that cause one of the issues I failed to mention as well, hurricane Ian has destroyed my home and I'm still going through that process too. not to mention I am on payment plans with Mayo clinic and other various medical facilities. (no one cares) but the interest that accrues, makes it impossible to catch up. also, Florida department of rev is overstepping I feel, and asking for medical info to be sent to them as well as updated doctors letters to be sent saying that I am still on disability.
a few weeks ago, I got an email from my lawyer having a withdrawal notice from her lawyer. in the withdrawal, he stated that he cannot represent her, due to something she may have withheld or lied about (more or less wasn't worded like that but you can tell). In feb court appearance they never produced the PI report, or videos, they had medical info they shouldn't have had, and they had very outlandish comments about my lifestyle. So my lawyer filed immediately a motion to compel. meaning, we want to see everything you have on my client. this was filed almost immediately after court appearance on feb 20th. Susan has failed to provide any updated info requested by my attorney so on june 18th, we have that upcoming hearing.
in the mean time, I have sent my lawyer, a very heavily requested topics, such as "where did they get my medical records, if those were lies, what are the consequences if any"? What did exercising have to do with any of this despite various drs saying he has to or he will get worse.
I know wat you must be thinking, what about your oldest, how can you do that to him. Please listen. This woman has taken everything from me. And i mean everything but the roof over my head. I am seeing a therapist to help with the suicidal thoughts. it isnt enough. the reality of it is, I chose to be loyal and it bit me in the butt. This disease will rob me of everything, my teeth will fall out ( I had 5 cavities last time I went to the dentist) I haven't had a cavity since I was 30 and even then I was suspicious. And I am brushing 5 time s a day to save them. My skin is tightening, and my arms and muscles are wasting. I will literally be left with nothing. My organs will also start to harden, and I will have to start getting around the clock care.
I forgot to mention they (child support) recently, sent a letter to SSI (social security) saying that they would garnish my SSI before I even got it, totaling $1029. the incorrect amount. I sent this to my lawyer and she is looking into it. But it shows that child support will overstep and breaks every law or freedom you may think you have. I DO take care of my children. if they need a haircut i do it, school supplies clothes, anything I do it. And I do it, cause she wont. What I want to leave you with, is that woman can be dead beats too. Child support was designed to have woman off of government subsidized programs like section 8 food stamps and what not. Also to make the man pay for their children man or woman I should say, I know this. I am not running from my obligation. I just want Susan, to have to pay for what's she's done to me and the kids.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this, please comment and share, all names are fake, but everything else is unfortunately real. I know it was wordy, but I wanted to provide as much backstory as possible. And please. Respect my descions. When you are end of life, I hope someone would be kind enough to respect yours. You may not agree and that's ok, but I am asking you to respect them. Thank you for reading.

I haven’t really discussed this with anyone because in all honesty - I’m embarassed. My husband and I aren’t getting along in pretty much all areas of our life together. First and foremost, he works a lot and there is barely any shut off time. We work together but our work is 24 hours and he wants to discuss work at any and every opportunity. Our work is emotionally draining and I feel like I don’t want to continue living in such a stressful head space all the time. We obviously differ there. He has really bad habits, he is addicted to his phone and spends most of the day on it (he says it’s for work but a lot of it can be avoided.) mindless scrolling, social media etc. He stays up until really late every night. I’m in bed for 10.30/11, he doesn’t come to bed until 1am. He then finds it difficult to get up in the mornings and is the last one to get up. I’m always the one waking the children up for school and then making them breakfast. He is overweight. It’s never really been a problem for me, he has been for a long time. But he’s unhappy in himself for that reason and can never really find anything to wear and goes on about it but never actually does anything about it for long enough. It’s just another example of his unhealthy lifestyle. The biggest issue I have with him is to do with our sex life. He has for years tried to encourage me to sleep with someone else. I have always refused this but then he will do things like steal my phone and message men. Or set up recording equipment in our bedroom or even software on his computer to record me on Skype. These are all things that have happened over the very many years we’ve been together but a few years will pass in between and then he will do something crazy like that again and it will throw us totally off track again. I’ve told him he needs to go to therapy and he says he will but never does. Reading over this it sounds like he might be depressed, but he truly isn’t. He believes I make something out of nothing in all this and I should just get on with it. For a long time I have stayed with him because I’m scared of what divorce will do to our children. I know it’s really hard to respond to something like this as one Reddit post can’t possibly tell you much about a relationship and obviously you don’t know us or our situation but I’m too embarrassed to discuss any of it with people we know and would appreciate opinions from someone.

Gold = $2,414.40/oz. & Silver = $31.51/oz.
Proof: https://imgur.com/a/uj40Vkr
All items are in are in excellent pre-owned condition and have been tested for authenticity. Most have been cleaned using an ultrasonic device. Additional photos or measurements are available on request.
Rings can be sized up or down two sizes for a flat $35 fee. Extenders for necklaces are available at my cost.
Shipping: $5 GA / $8 Priority. Insurance & international shipping are available at the buyer's expense. Orders over $175 ship free!
Payment: Venmo, CashApp, PPFF, PPGS (+3% fee), Venmo, Zelle
All prices are negotiable and items are open to reasonable offers.
THE GOODS:
**Gold Jewelry**
(1) 24k 23'' Pure Gold Chain (37.29 grams) = $3,000 (Melt = $2895) (https://imgur.com/a/8wmiDRN)
(2) 14k Byzantine Yellow Gold Band ~Size 10 (6.66 grams) = $375 (Melt = $302) (https://imgur.com/a/SjEQDIA)
(3) 14k ICED-OUT (Baguette + Round Diamonds) White Gold Men's Ring ~ Size 8.75 (11.88 grams) = $700 (Melt = $539) (https://imgur.com/a/uEgkQ2k)
(4) 14k Baguette Diamonds White Gold Men's Band ~ Size 9 (3.98 grams) = $275 (Melt = $180) (https://imgur.com/a/W53KSMp)
(5) 10k Emerald & Diamond Pendant (2.16 grams) = $75 (Melt = $70) (https://imgur.com/a/emPjVap)
(6) 10k Baguette Diamonds White Gold Heart Pendant (1.97 grams) = $75 (Melt = $63) (https://imgur.com/a/Jghjffv)
(7) 10k Baguette Diamonds Yellow Gold Heart Pendant (1.70 grams) = $65 (Melt = $55) (https://imgur.com/a/SLChYVy)
(8) 14k Diamond Stacker Rings White & Rose Gold (4.52 grams) = $305 (Melt = $205) (https://imgur.com/a/WynyKmi)
(9) 14k 7'' Amethyst & Diamond Tennis Bracelet (8.72 grams) = $525 (Melt = $396) (https://imgur.com/a/R04SNMd)
**Silver Jewelry**
(10) 6.75'' Sorrento Intricate Three Stone Faceted Hematite Bracelet (10.44 grams) = $30 (https://imgur.com/a/bLGyGs1)
(11) 6.5'' Milor Italy Two-Tone Bracelet (16.31 grams) = $30 (https://imgur.com/a/MGSMSqN)
(12) Southwest Style Crucifix (Turquoise, Sterling, Black Wood) = $30 (https://imgur.com/a/Nhqtzwu)
(13) Gold-Plated Reversible Cuban Link Bracelet 8'' (35.73 grams) = $60 (https://imgur.com/a/NAMlrwe)
**Assorted Sterling Items**
(14) Steiff Sterling Decanter Label "Sherry" (10.20 grams) = $27.50 (https://imgur.com/a/QSoZBV2)
**Sterling Scrap Lot**
(15) Consists of 3 Porringers, 1 Teacup Saucer and 1 Bread Plate (529.69 grams) (https://imgur.com/a/QlRxZ3q) =$480 (Melt = $496)

I’m a 35-year-old woman. I’m married to a wonderful man, who I’ve been with for over 10 years. We own a house and have several pets, but don’t have any kids.
Looking back, I recognize that I was experiencing queer attraction even in childhood, before I knew what was happening or that it wasn’t “the norm.” I played sports and can remember really wanting to be around certain other girls in a very compelling way and when I got a little older I realized these were crushes.
At around 13 I started feeling attracted to boys, too, and I thought maybe my attraction to girls had just been a phase, or that everyone felt that way a little bit. My family was not accepting so I really stuffed those feelings down and tried to keep them a secret. I went to college far away from where I grew up and was intimate with many partners of all genders, but I definitely had a lot of walls up when I was with non-male partners and never really felt safe because of my family. I kind of convinced myself that it was “normal college experimentation” that didn’t need to be anything bigger and no one needed to know about it.
When I was 23 I met my husband and knew that he was life partner material. We dated for several years before getting married, and I really thought I was ready to do the wife and kids phase of life. We are truly best friends. He is aware of my sexuality and past experiences and has been very supportive. We have an adequate amount of intimacy and he is an attentive lover. I cannot imagine not being with him.
The past few years, though, I’ve really been struggling with feeling very confused and like something is missing. It was like suddenly I was way less attracted to men and even my awareness of other women shifted. I realized that I am probably “more bisexual” (don’t know how else to put it) than I’d thought. It felt so overwhelming and like I was dealing with it in secret, so I came out (even to my family) to try and take the power away from the secret.
I felt a huge sense of relief, but I think it also led to new struggles in that I was no longer “hiding” and the mask fell away or something. The best comparison I have is that before coming out I was living in a dimly lit room where I could clumsily navigate but didn’t fully see sapphic energy around me, and then suddenly lights came on. Now I can’t even go grocery shopping without sensing queerness in other women (and them me; I get looks of recognition and sometimes I even get flirted with). I take classes and there is someone in one of my classes who is very obviously queer (AFAB but I’m not sure of pronouns). We were talking about work as we were packing up after class one night and they said something about “when we’re dealing with straight people” and part of me felt panic because I was seen and the other part of me wanted to cry tears of relief because I was seen.
Since I’ve come out it’s also like all of the algorithms on every app I use know that I’m queer, too. I can’t open TikTok or Instagram without seeing sapphic content and I find myself feeling jealous or wistful that I never got a fun openly queer season of life before I had all of the responsibilities that I do. I’ve always watched different kinds of porn, too, but lately it’s been intensely skewed to queer (not male gaze “lesbian”) porn. I desperately crave intimacy with another woman, so much that it hurts sometimes, and I can’t have it, so I watch porn, and when I’m done there is some relief for a few hours to a few days, but sometimes I also cry because I just want to know how it feels to be with a woman with no walls up.
I want to nurture the relationship with I have, with my husband. I feel like it’s really unfair of me (to him) to be fixated on this instead of putting my energy into our marriage and starting a family. I think realistically I am probably 80% same-sex (or non-binary) attracted and 20% opposite-sex-attracted, or maybe 70/30, but I feel like I should be able to work with that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why the “gay” voice inside is so much louder than the “straight” voice. I don’t want my marriage to fail, but it’s like I’m in a vicious cycle where I’m fixated on what I can’t have.
My husband for his part has been very patient and checks in regularly with me about if I still want to be married to him (I do), but he understandably does not want me to have other partners (nor do I want to be the kind of person who uses a woman for ‘exploration’). How do I figure this out? I’m old enough that I can’t keep dwelling on it for years and still have time to start a family.

I (35F) have been married to my husband (38F) for 17 years. We have two young children together. I haven’t really discussed this with anyone because in all honesty - I’m embarassed. My husband and I aren’t getting along in pretty much all areas of our life together. First and foremost, he works a lot and there is barely any shut off time. We work together but our work is 24 hours and he wants to discuss work at any and every opportunity. Our work is emotionally draining and I feel like I don’t want to continue living in such a stressful head space all the time. We obviously differ there. He has really bad habits, he is addicted to his phone and spends most of the day on it (he says it’s for work but a lot of it can be avoided.) mindless scrolling, social media etc. He stays up until really late every night. I’m in bed for 10.30/11, he doesn’t come to bed until 1am. He then finds it difficult to get up in the mornings and is the last one to get up. I’m always the one waking the children up for school and then making them breakfast. He is overweight. It’s never really been a problem for me, he has been for a long time. But he’s unhappy in himself for that reason and can never really find anything to wear and goes on about it but never actually does anything about it for long enough. It’s just another example of his unhealthy lifestyle. The biggest issue I have with him is to do with our sex life. He has for years tried to encourage me to sleep with someone else. I have always refused this but then he will do things like steal my phone and message men. Or set up recording equipment in our bedroom or even software on his computer to record me on Skype. These are all things that have happened over the very many years we’ve been together but a few years will pass in between and then he will do something crazy like that again and it will throw us totally off track again. I’ve told him he needs to go to therapy and he says he will but never does. Reading over this it sounds like he might be depressed, but he truly isn’t. He believes I make something out of nothing in all this and I should just get on with it. For a long time I have stayed with him because I’m scared of what divorce will do to our children. I know it’s really hard to respond to something like this as one Reddit post can’t possibly tell you much about a relationship and obviously you don’t know us or our situation but I’m too embarrassed to discuss any of it with people we know and would appreciate opinions from someone.

I've never done this before as in I've never made a post on reddit. I'm a pretty private individual and I think previous trauma in my life has made it difficult for me to want to reach out/trust people. This may be one of the reasons I'm where I'm at now. Onto the vent... WARNING its a LONG READ
I (27F) am in a relationship with BF (32M). We have been together for almost 4 years.... I moved in with him close to the end of 2021. We met during the start of the pandemic as coworkers, and he had just moved from a very conservative, southern state. I also moved from a state with similar.. views and social standards? as he did but this was almost 8 years ago for me at the time. We both live on the west coast now. Just for context here.
When I first met this guy I was about 5 months out of a very long, abusive relationship. I spent almost 7 years with my high-school sweetheart and it was very tumultuous, long story short I finally realized I needed to leave that when after a suicide attempt (at the hand of being broken down by my ex and truly thinking I would be doing those in my life a favor) and when he (luckily) called our friends - because even tho he constantly told me I should kill myself i guess actually trying was "crazy" of me to do... my friends showed up and gave me the intervention I needed and I started going to therapy. Over time with all the realizations through getting help, making adjustments in my life, and still undergoing abuse I finally snapped out of it and realized I wasn't the problem, and I needed to leave the relationship.
So needless to say, I was vulnerable when I met BF, and while he didn't know the extent of things, he definetly knew how fresh my breakup was. This didn't seem to deter him at all. I did my best to tell him I needed to take my time in a lot of ways, and he gave the impression he was being patient, but really I just think he did a good job of dressing up his impatience with love bombing, so he did a good job of making me feel loved and cared for and safe, I think I gave into a lot of things too early.
We started dating a few months into me meeting him, and he seemed wonderful. Patient, open minded, he really gave me this idea that where he was from he knew he stood out, and moved where he moved to fit in with people that he could vibe with better. This meant in my eyes we shouldn't have too many issues agreeing on a lot of views. To put it simply. I'm not very political, but I do find that some people with the extreme side of conservative values tend to take issue with ME, just existing with tattoos and being a strong willed woman who likes her independence and not being told that im supposed to stay in the kitchen or whatever.... but let me be clear. I've always been the "mom friend" and I tend to take a caregiver role a lot. I think he liked that about me. He also always told me how cool it was that I was against the grain, cool that im closer to vegetarian than not, cool i dye my hair, ect.
Well fast forward to almost a year in and im realizing this dude is very clingy. He wants one of us to be at eachothers house every night. He's getting jelous all the time over me having to work with men for BUSINESS REASONS. literally one night he saw me post a snapchat story inside my house and he saw I still had shoes on and I had to spend like an hour convincing him that just because it was late and I still had shoes on that doesn't mean there's someone in my house that I'm lying about??? Anyways, the accusations of me cheating finally did die down when I blew up on him one day and told him I've never cheated on anyone in my life and I won't put up with this.
But yet I just took it as him really liking me, because hey the last guy told me no one would ever love someone as difficult as me and I was lucky he put up with me...
So this turned into him convincing me that i had to move in with him because the 30 minute drive to my house every night was too much and sleeping alone without me was too much to handle. I had the cheaper rent, bigger house... but that's not what he wanted. He didn't like the area, whatever, I tell him this isn't gonna work. I have 2 dogs. He lives in a 900sq ft box. He's convinced he can handle it. Did I mention this guy has insane cleanliness standards? The place needs to look show room quality at all times. Just remember that detail.
Btw, im very very clean, always referred to by my friends as the uptight show room house. Boy, I thought I was bad but im realistic. BF doesn't seem to have patience for the extra mess that dogs include. I also am in the midst of starting my own business. I'm apologizing every day, doing my best, but there are still boxes taking up space because WE LIVE IN A BOX.
I quickly learn that BF has a violent streak and alcoholism. Not towards me, but objects. One day he's drunk and screams in my face that I'm a bitch and I don't care about him because I tell him that maybe he's being too hard on his boss at work (I was just trying to be honest with him, he seems to have really high standards for a lot of situations). Another time he comes home and im on my period (forgot this, but I have endometriosis, and it often makes me feel like it's ruining my life by how badly it puts me down for 3-4 days at a time sometimes) so I wasn't able to clean up some of the boxes he asked me too that morning. (Knowing I was on my period, with me having explained several times that i can't physically get much done around that time) and when he came in the door he threw such a fit that he kicked a box with expensive items (equipment for my business) across the room and broke things.
He would always apologize profusely, tell me I didn't deserve it, but his violent tendencies kept stacking. I'm not always easy to argue with, im one of those "actually" people but its because I'm f**king honest and real and I only argue with facts instead of point fingers/name calling. He on the other hand, is a name caller and spiteful. This kept leading to major blowups. I mean literally one day he almost wrecked his car( swears he had total control of the car the whole time) because he was talking over me while I was on the phone and I got off the phone and was like "dude I couldn't hear her" and he flew off the handle saying "I was trying to include important information!!!" When I explained that it was okay and his information wasn't going to help, he got angry, said I was being a bitch to him, I got an attitude about that, he ended up driving like a maniac and screaming at me until I literally almost threw myself out of the car because I was having a panic attack (I have ptsd from getting abused, and sexually assaulted in the past).
One good thing I can give him is he did decide to go sober started in 2022 and has remained sober since, so know that much. Half of these things are NOT done out of him being drunk, it's literally just his temper.
Another example of a time my view of who he was changed was when I finally decided to confide in him that I was coerced into getting drunk and then raped when I was 14. And his response was to tell me "that was high-school stuff though, you're really still not over it?" I don't think I felt the same about him afterwards but again, I took it as a me problem, maybe i expected too much.
Fast forward again to he can't live like this anymore, he can't live in a house this small with these dogs, he can't have my business mess around any longer, but the rental market has been shit, I can't find any rent that we can afford, and hes being picky about finding a new job, since he quit his last 2 while having a temper tantrum about something. Not saying he didn't need to leave them, but he didn't line anything up before leaving. And I'm having to help cover bills, try to run my business, cook dinner every night because that's what he expects, and ive also got an inflammatory disease that makes me suffer most days so I'm not always the fastest, most productive person. Another thing, this is the kind of guy who wakes up in the morning and is already zooming at 1000mph and "beast moding" while I'm shuffling around in the morning waiting for some of my inflammation to subside while I get ready.
So I apply for part time job to work alongside starting my business, I find another opportunity where if I work part time at another place, I can then use the property to conduct my business, what are the chances! I find a solution to making more money and getting the business out of the house? Now we just need a bigger place to live! And hopefully this means BF can be left to find a decent job right?
Well he eventually did, and that's nice. But he's still short tempered. He's always upset because I don't thank him for "washing a weeks worth of dishes" even tho... they were only the dishes from us eating dinner the night before. I've washed dishes every day that week without a single thank you, which I didn't care for, because I knew that it was a team effort. That was when it was clear that everything I do is unnoticed, but god forbid he does somthing without his accolades afterwards.
We finally find a 2 bedroom house that solves a lot of issues. I thought well part of the problem is we are just on top of eachother. It will get easier. If we both have personal space right? Well it's just different now.
We've passed the point where I told him if he calls me names or breaks somthing again then I'm leaving him. I told him he has to go to therapy for his issues. No more violence. Instead he just doesn't even kiss me goodbye before he walks out the door and if I ask him too, he gives me a side hug and mashes his lips against me for a couple seconds and says "bye" before shutting the door in my face. Every nice thing I do to try and spark up a good time I get looked at and asked "why I'm acting like I actually care".
Everything is always on me, I need to find him a therapist, he doesn't know how, I need to help him with his temper, it's not his fault, he's like his dad, he can't help cook dinner, he doesn't know how, it's not his fault, so these are all things I'm expected to do.
At this point all I do is work. I work all day every day. Even weekends. Sometimes I enforce a day off, but it means all I do is lay around and think about what I'm getting behind on. And he resents me for everything.
He gets off at 3 or earlier most days, he has a ton of freedom in his job because he works sales, but im the one who isn't trying hard enough because I won't cook dinner with him or spend time with him. I don't have sex with him anymore because i have so much resentment, and he blames me for that too. "Well maybe I would be in a better mood if you actually had sex with me" and when we do and it's short lived "well maybe if you maintained me better I wouldn't finish so fast"
The way that I have to sit here and listen to him talk about cars and fishing for hours, and I do it just to be supportive, and yet I can't get him to stop looking at his phone anytime I want to talk. If I do vent about my day he just tries to tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I need to fix.
I just finally sat him down and told him how I felt. How I think he doesn't realize how selfish he can be, how everything I've done that he hates about me now has been for him, how I've watched him essentially ask me to be his mom(that woman literally will still buy him clothes and handle life things for him and he's a grown ass man, she often thanks me for "putting up with her bratty son and he loves you girls so much") which almost feels like she's known he's a brat this whole time.... and anyways what's his response?
"Well im not happy either. You're a slob and all you do is work and when you don't work you just lay around and complain, you never have sex with me and you're not fun"
To say that I'm so lost is an understatement. We live in a time where it's not easy to afford living alone. I like my house but I don't think I can afford it alone. I haven't been able to grow my own business because of everything I've just been doing for years to try and make BF happy and yet I'm sitting here and feeling like I've just once again wasted my life for a man who doesn't respect me for who I am, and only loves me conditionally. I just feel so stupid, that I've let it get this far. I literally contributed to breaking myself down into someone that he can't respect and now it's easy for him to say it's all my fault and he cannot understand the idea that im a shell of myself because of how much I've put into this. He thinks I'm wrong, he says I'm his everything and he's put everything into us, and I know he has, but it's always been on his terms, where as for my needs it's still also always been on his..... I'm sorry. I'm sure it's been difficult for anyone to read this long. I am just going to leave it here.
Yall can let me have it in the comments. I'd love the honesty....

Yup someone just made a post the more unattractive you are as a woman the more neglected ignored and used for sex you are
That’s 7 years. Thank goodness now I’ll be a cat woman up until 30. Was the casual sex worth it? Absolutely not knowing those men didn’t care about me makes it worse of a feeling
Like just imagine him having multiple crushes only to message you when he’s available for sex. No thanks I’ll stay over here

DAY: May 18 2024

• 5-18-2024 HAVE SMARTPHONES KILLED THE ART OF CONVERSATION? Once upon a time, human relationships unfolded without smartphones. The reality may be hard to recall, so profoundly have these devices transformed the way we relate to the world and others in fifteen years or so. As an anthropologist interested in modernity, I am particularly preoccupied by the impact of these devices on our conversations. In my book, “The End of the Conversation? Words in a Spectral Society” (French original: “La fin de la conversation? La parole dans une société spectrale”), I investigate the pernicious effects of this technology
• 5-18-2024 HOW TO REWARD EMPLOYEES FAIRLY AND IMPROVE TEAM DYNAMICS A recent study has shed light on how to reward employees more fairly and improve team dynamics. The study found that when less skilled employees report their performance voluntarily, they often exaggerate their achievements and ask for higher bonuses. These employees also tend to put in less effort and are less concerned about fairness when sharing their contributions voluntarily. Interestingly, the researchers discovered that requiring employees to explain their contributions leads to fairer decisions about bonus allocation and improves
• 5-19-2024 BILLIONS ARE SPENT ON EDUCATIONAL TECHNOLOGY, BUT WE DON’T KNOW IF IT WORKS During the COVID lockdowns, schools and universities worldwide relied on education technology—edtech—to keep students learning. They used online platforms to give lessons, mark work and send feedback, used apps to teach and introduced students to programs that let them work together on projects. In the aftermath of school closures, the market for edtech has kept on growing. The value of the sector is projected to rise to US$132.4 billion globally by 2032. The problem is that we don’t know very much about how effective many edtech apps or programs
• 5-19-2024 STUDY FINDS CONSUMERS WILLING TO PAY MORE FOR NATURALLY COLORED COTTON CLOTHING Research has looked at consumer attitudes toward naturally colored cotton clothing. The study found that amid increasing concerns over the environmental impact of conventional cotton processing, consumers are willing to pay more for a greener T-shirt.
• 5-18-2024 HOW AI IS SHAPING THE FUTURE OF SALES STRATEGIES In the fast-evolving business landscape, artificial intelligence, or AI, is taking center stage in transforming sales processes, making them more efficient and responsive to the dynamic market demands. A new University of Alabama at Birmingham study titled “AI in Sales: Laying the Foundations for Future Research” highlights the pivotal role AI is playing in reshaping the sales sector.
• 5-18-2024 WHEN CONSUMERS WOULD PREFER A CHATBOT OVER A PERSON Actually, sometimes consumers don’t want to talk to a real person when they’re shopping online, a new study suggests. In fact, what they really want is a chatbot that makes it clear that it is not human at all. In a new study, researchers found that people preferred interacting with chatbots when they felt embarrassed about what they were buying online—items like antidiarrheal medicine or, for some people, skin care products. “In general, research shows people would rather interact with a human customer service agent
• 5-18-2024 NEW STUDY REVEALS THE POTENTIAL OF COACHING EMPLOYEES TO DRIVE NEW STRATEGIC IDEAS In the landscape of modern business, inclusion isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a strategic imperative. Companies like IBM, Volkswagen and Starbucks are moving to more participative strategy development approaches that reflect a growing understanding of the importance of diversity in fostering innovative and creative strategic ideas. Yet the outcomes of inclusive strategy processes often fall short of expectations. A new study in the Strategic Management Journal sheds light on why that may be. In their study of an inclusive strategy process in a large insurance company, Violetta Splitter, along with co-authors
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS SHOW WAYS TO PROPEL PRODUCT SUCCESS New research explores the key strategies that firms should adopt when launching a new product. The researchers say that these strategies depend on the current market view of the product and the firm. Employing the correct one, which might sometimes be collaborating with overtly demanding reviewers or instituting rather challenging pilot tests, ensures that the product launch will go as successfully as possible.
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS DEVELOP ALGORITHMS TO UNDERSTAND HOW HUMANS FORM BODY PART VOCABULARIES An example of the study’s language sample and the words for arm/hand and leg/foot in English and Wolof. Human bodies have similar designs. However, languages differ in the way they divide the body into parts and name them. For example, English speakers have two words for foot and leg, whereas other languages express the concepts foot and leg in one word.
• 5-18-2024 STUDY FINDS AVOIDING SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE AN ELECTION HAS LITTLE TO NO EFFECT ON PEOPLE’S POLITICAL VIEWS In the weeks before and after the 2020 presidential election, researchers ran a number of tests to try to understand how much Facebook and its corporate cousin, Instagram, may be contributing to the nation’s political divide. One of those experiments—led by Matthew Gentzkow and Hunt Allcott, economics professors at Stanford University—centered on more than 35,000 Facebook and Instagram users who were paid to stay off the platforms in the run-up to Election Day. There’s a lot that researchers could glean from the social media hiatus, including whether people’s political attitudes
• 5-18-2024 USING COMPUTER MODELS TO UNDERSTAND THE DEBATE ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE Different types of noise and how they act inside or outside the social interaction process. Cognitive biases are among the most important factors that prevent people from changing their minds. Climate change deniers and climate activists often tend to accept only information that confirms their respective opinions on the matter. However, opinion dynamics are also influenced by a factor that the researchers call “ambiguity noise.” Unlike biases, ambiguity noise is variable, depends on many random factors, and leads to inconsistent judgment.
• 5-18-2024 FOR SOME INDIGENOUS SOUTHERN PLAINS TRIBES, AN ORIGINAL FLUTE SONG IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARD MARRIAGE “Warrior with flute” by Timothy Tate Nevaquaya. Used with permission. Credit: Timothy Tate Nevaquaya Every love story is unique, and in traditional Indigenous Southern Plains culture, it begins with an original ballad performed on the flute. In order to win a lover’s affection, and respect among the tribe, each pursuer must compose one good flute serenade. Paula Conlon, a former music professor at the University of Oklahoma, has researched the history and cultural significance of the Indigenous flute since the 1980s. Conlon presents her work Tuesday, May 14, at 9:45
• 5-18-2024 WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER? OUR RESEARCH SHOWS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FIRST You’re hard at work, lying in a hammock, composing the perfect selfie on the beach. The turquoise sea sets off the idyllic sunset, and just visible though the fronds of a palm tree is the logo of the hotel which is paying you to promote it to your millions of followers on Instagram. Click. The perfect shot. And another typically perfect day in the life of an influencer. Or is it? Certainly a career as an influencer can seem appealing. The work generally involves promoting products or services through sponsored
• 5-18-2024 WHY STUDENTS CHEAT IN ONLINE EXAMS Media psychologists at the University of Cologne have studied how students’ individual needs, conceptions and reasons relate to cheating behavior in online exams. Online exams have become a more common type of exam at universities, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic. They are advantageous because they save time and offer flexibility. However, cheating attempts present a big challenge for lecturers. This is why universities have been working on ways to thwart cheating in online exams by putting organizational and technical measures into place.
• 5-18-2024 WHY STUDENTS CHEAT IN ONLINE EXAMS Trust and distrust in social media coexisted in the study participants. Credit: Emmaline Nelsen Are anti-misinformation interventions on social media working as intended? It depends, according to a new study surveyed over 1,700 participants in the United States, revealing that anti-misinformation features increased users’ awareness of misinformation in social media; but did not make them more likely to share information on social media
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Seventy-eight percent of people in England and Wales think that crime has gone up in the last few years, according to the latest survey. But the data on actual crime shows the exact opposite. As of 2024, violence, burglary and car crime have been declining for 30 years and by close to 90%, according to the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW)—our best indicator of true crime levels. Unlike police data, the CSEW is not subject to variations in reporting and recording. The drop in violence includes domestic violence
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Can we truly assess whether someone finds us attractive? Cognitive psychologist Iliana Samara discovered that men, in particular, tend to overestimate the interest of their date. She explains why this may be. “Imagine you walk into a packed bar, looking for a date. Your eyes are naturally drawn to attractive faces. If you’re a man and find someone attractive, you’re more likely to assume they’re also interested in you. “Then, when you approach them, whether you’re a man or woman
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Having more education has long been linked to better individual health. But those benefits are also contagious, say the co-authors of a new working paper. “It’s not just that the individuals who have more years of education are in better health,” said David M. Cutler, Otto Eckstein Professor of Applied Economics. “It’s that even people with fewer years of education—for example, people with just a high school degree—are in better health when they live around
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Our research on children in early primary years, show they are better are writing with a pen or pencil than a keyboard. Children today are growing up surrounded by technology. So it’s easy to assume they will be able to write effectively using a keyboard. But our research suggests this is not necessarily true. We need to actively teach students to be able to type as well as write using paper and pen or pencil. Our research Our research team has published two recent
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? The provision of therapies for children and young people (CYP) with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) can be an affectively challenging, sometimes procedurally complex, process for the various stakeholders involved. However, the efficiency and effectiveness of this process, are crucial to various outcomes, in particular
• 5-18-2024 HOW DO MINDFULNESS, COMPASSION AND NEED FULFILLMENT AFFECT SATISFACTION IN MIDLIFE MARRIED COUPLES? Many people practice mindfulness or self-compassion techniques in their everyday life as part of their normal self-care routine. Although many studies support the individual benefits of mindfulness and self-compassion, few have focused on romantic relationship outcomes. A new study published in Personal Relationships has examined how mindfulness, self- and other-compassion, and need fulfillment relate to relationship and sexual satisfaction in midlife married couples. The study involved survey results from 640 adults aged 40–59 years who were residing in Canada and were married. Mindfulness is the nonjudgmental attention and awareness to
• 5-18-2024 HOW ENTERTAINMENT BRANDS ARE ADAPTING TO GENERATION ALPHA Growing up, did you play with hyper-sexualized Barbie dolls, boys-only Thomas the Tank Engine trains, or slim, white Disney princesses? If so, you’re not alone, but this is no longer the case for Generation Alpha. Brands like Mattel, once criticized for promoting unrealistic body standards and gender stereotypes, now portray themselves as feminist and progressive. The recent Barbie movie serves as a prime example of this shift. Millennial parents are actively seeking out toys, books and movies to educate their children about life and teach them values that align
• 5-18-2024 STUDENTS WITH DYSLEXIA FACE CHALLENGES TRANSITIONING TO THE WORKPLACE, BUT WITH SUPPORT THEY CAN THRIVE Transitioning from university to the workplace is a critical period in anyone’s life, but it can be especially challenging for students with dyslexia. While academic settings often offer accommodations for people with dyslexia, professional environments often fall short on such support systems. Fortunately, there are strategic interventions that can be established in workplaces to help individuals with dyslexia not only adapt, but excel in their careers. It is estimated that up to 20% of the population has dyslexia and 80% of people with a learning disability have dyslexia
• 5-18-2024 BUSINESSES UNINTENTIONALLY DISCOURAGE DIVERSE IDEAS, FINDS STUDY Businesses influence the ideas they receive from external contributors by unintentionally signaling which ideas they like, a research analyzed 1.44 million ideas to understand how organizations unknowingly shape the ideas they receive. Data came from organizations that asked visitors how they could improve their websites before choosing which ideas to use. Chosen ideas were communicated for all to see.
• 5-18-2024 WHAT’S IN A NAME? A LINGUISTICS EXPERT EXPLAINS WHY SOME BABY NAMES DOMINATE THE CHARTS YEAR AFTER YEAR What do names like Noah, James, Mateo, Mia, Evelyn and Luna all have in common? They’re not only some of the top baby names in the United States, but they also seem to flow off the tongue. And that’s exactly why parents love them. On May 10, the Social Security Administration released a list of the top baby names in the United States in 2023. Liam and Olivia maintained the number one spot in their respective categories for the fifth consecutive year while Noah and Emma also retained second place.
• 5-18-2024 ACCESS TO GARDENS AND CITIZEN SCIENCE HELPS ENCOURAGE CONSERVATION AMONG CHILDREN, STUDY SHOWS Access to gardens and citizen science projects at school can help promote pro-conservation behavior among pupils, a new study shows. Offering children the chance to take part in authentic scientific ecological work and gardening encourages an interest in plants. This can change behavior—to spend more time gardening or to pursue a botanical career—and fuels a positive attitude towards safeguarding the environment, experts found
• 5-18-2024 WHAT PROFESSIONALS EXPECT FROM FUTURE EMPLOYERS Employers who want to attract new talent should recognize diversity and enable inclusion. This is confirmed by a representative study by IU International University of Applied Sciences (IU), which surveyed more than 1,200 trainees and students across Germany. The results clearly show that 75.1% of prospective employees consider it very or somewhat important that companies implement measures to promote diversity and inclusion. This suggests that companies that communicate these measures openly and transparently
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCH LINKS VOTER BEHAVIOR IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS TO HOUSING MARKET PERFORMANCE If the 21st century has proven anything to the United States electorate, it is that presidential elections are notoriously unpredictable affairs. The seeming randomness by which the country’s electorate chooses its next president has only emboldened polling outlets, talking heads, and amateur psephologists to scrutinize every conceivable variable to give their respective electoral forecasting models a much-needed edge. However, Sherwood Clements, collegiate assistant professor of real estate in the Pamplin College of Business, had an electoral theory that, to the best of his knowledge, had never been explored with regards
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCH LINKS VOTER BEHAVIOR IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS TO HOUSING MARKET PERFORMANCE If the 21st century has proven anything to the United States electorate, it is that presidential elections are notoriously unpredictable affairs. The seeming randomness by which the country’s electorate chooses its next president has only emboldened polling outlets, talking heads, and amateur psephologists to scrutinize every conceivable variable to give their respective electoral forecasting models a much-needed edge. However, Sherwood Clements, collegiate assistant professor of real estate in the Pamplin College of Business, had an electoral theory that, to the best of his knowledge, had never been explored with regards
• 5-18-2024 MECHANISTIC MODEL SHOWS HOW MUCH GOSSIP IS NEEDED TO FOSTER SOCIAL COOPERATION Gossip often has a negative connotation, but imagine you are part of a group deciding on a job candidate to hire or a local political candidate to back. Candidates who get a good reputation by helping others may be more likely to receive help in the form of a job offer or endorsement, a feedback loop known as indirect reciprocity. Gossip can facilitate cooperation. Previous research has shown that people tend to cooperate more when they think their peers are gossiping about their behavior, gossip
• 5-18-2024 SINGING RESEARCHERS FIND CROSS-CULTURAL PATTERNS IN MUSIC AND LANGUAGE Are acoustic features of music and spoken language shared across cultures? Researchers from the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics in Nijmegen have contributed to a global study of music and speech, published in Science Advances. An international team of researchers recorded themselves performing traditional music and speaking in their native language. In all 50+ languages
• 5-18-2024 NEW RESEARCH REVEALS JUST HOW FEW LGBTQI+ PEOPLE PLAY SPORTS The topic of homophobia in sport has recently made headlines in Australia, with a series of homophobic incidents involving men’s AFL players. These homophobic incidents are usually well-reported in news media, but research has rarely explored the impact on participation for LGBTQI+ people. Fresh research into the problem Our new research is one of the first pieces of academic research in Australia to document how many LGBTQI+ people play and engage with sport. We also explored current levels of discrimination across sport in Australia, and the barriers and enablers
• 5-18-2024 SWIPE RIGHT OR LEFT? HOW DATING APPS ARE IMPACTING MODERN MASCULINITY What it means to be a man is changing. Critical men or masculinity studies is an emerging robust research field that explores how men and masculinity are being transformed by shifting socio-economic, sexual and political conditions in our post-industrial world. Fascinating new male-identifying sub-cultures and communities have emerged, like mushroomcore and dandies. Yet heteronormative masculinity is typically framed as threatening, toxic or maladaptive, as in the case of fragile masculinity. In my years of swiping on dating apps, I encountered different kinds of masculinities, as well as some very offensive
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS SAY AUTOMATED NEWS VIDEO PRODUCTION IS BETTER WITH A HUMAN TOUCH AI-generated videos for short messages are only as well received as manually created ones if they are edited by humans. News organizations—including Bloomberg, Reuters, and The Economist—have been using AI powered video services to meet growing audience demand for audio-visual material. A study recently published in the journal Journalism now shows that the automated production of news videos is better with human supervision. Technology providers like Wochit and Moovly are allowing publishers to mass produce videos at scale. But what do audiences think of the results? Researchers led by LMU
• 5-18-2024 HOW ‘ETHICAL INFLUENCERS’ ENGAGE THEIR AUDIENCES ABOUT SAVING THE PLANET Have a quick think back to the last time you scrolled through social media. Maybe it was this morning, last night or a few minutes ago. What do you recall? One thing you’re bound to remember is the continuous stream of influencers showing off their latest content. These could be videos of influencers discussing the latest skin-care products, the trendiest places to eat, their latest shopping haul or the PR packages they received from various brands. Much of social media influencing is about getting consumers to buy more products.
• 5-18-2024 ALLYSHIP IS ESSENTIAL TO NEW MOTHERS RETURNING TO WORK, SAYS STUDY Returning to work after parental leave can be one of the most challenging experiences for any parents, especially mothers, to navigate. Fortunately, there are simple, kind and thoughtful ways in which organizational members—regardless of formal status, parental identity or gender identity—can help mothers feel supported as they return to work, which can also benefit job satisfaction and maternal well-being.
• 5-18-2024 STUDY FINDS SAYING ‘PLEASE’ MAY NOT BE SO POLITE IN EVERYDAY REQUESTS By kindergarten age, most children have been taught that “please” is a magic word. “Please” is an expression of politeness that shows courtesy and respect, turning a potential demand into a request that will—poof!—magically be granted. But a new study on the ways people make requests of one another suggests that “please” might not be an all-purpose marker of politeness, but rather a more focused, strategic tool to manage frictions or obstacles among family members, friends and even coworkers.
• 5-18-2024 MILITARY RANK AFFECTS MEDICAL CARE, OFFERING SOCIETAL INSIGHTS: STUDY Stock project from Pexels Human relationships are inherently shaped by power dynamics, yet quantifying their impact has remained a scientific challenge. Now, a large new study published Thursday in the journal Science reveals that military doctors give more attention to higher-ranked patients, providing concrete evidence about the privileges that come with elevated status, frequently at the expense of the less powerful. “One of the things we are trying to show is that this is not a military-specific analysis,”
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS DISCUSS CURRENT STATE OF HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA AND BIPHOBIA Gender-neutral bathrooms, conversion therapy and Quebec’s advisory committee on gender identity have been in the news lately. These are polarizing, hot-button issues. While there have been legislative and social advances for LGBTQ+ rights, ignorance and discrimination persist and continue to negatively affect the lives of many. On May 17, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, UdeMNouvelles asked two Université de Montréal professors and researchers who are experts in the field to share their views.
• 5-18-2024 PICKLEBALL COURTS IN A LEGAL PICKLE OVER THE ASSOCIATED NOISE Experts recommend HOAs and communities consider the “popping” noise associated with pickleball when deciding to build courts near homes. Credit: AIP Pickleball Legal Consultant is a job title that likely did not exist a decade ago, but as pickleball courts infiltrate neighborhoods to satiate an appetite for a sport whose namesake is a snack, communities take issue with the resulting influx of noise. Now homeowners’ associations and city councils face litigation by those whose lives are disrupted by pickleball’s din. Charles Leahy, an attorney, retired mechanical engineer, and former HOA
• 5-18-2024 TECHNOLOGY IS CHANGING HOW COMPANIES DO BUSINESS In the fast-paced world of modern business, technology plays a crucial role in shaping how companies operate. One area where this impact is particularly significant is in the organization of production chains—specifically the way goods are made and distributed. A new study from the Cornell SC Johnson College of Business advances understanding of the U.S. production chain evolution amidst technological progress in information technology (IT), shedding light on the complex connections between business IT investments and organizational design. Advances in IT have sparked significant changes in how companies design
• 5-18-2024 HOW DOES THE US KNOW THAT FORCED LABOR IS HAPPENING IN CHINA? A SUPPLY CHAIN EXPERT WEIGHS IN The Biden administration has added 26 more companies to the list of Chinese textile traders and manufacturers whose goods are blocked from entering the United States because of their alleged ties to forced labor. The banned imports, known as the Uyghur Forced Labor Prevention Act Entity List, names businesses that are said to be involved in exploiting

Hello! looking for USM Omni volume 2... or new x men omnibus/collected new avengers stories/dan slott spiderman complete collections (big time-gauntlet/BND) OR BRUBAKER CAP OMNIS Thank you! feel free to make any TRADE offers I am aware of reprints, looking for copies asap! Items under $50 tack on $5 shipping
Pics: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-R8VdLrQp5_2RHvtb7H5RLqjCf-soHnM?usp=sharing ​
Omnis: Savage avengers Omni-$70 Aliens omnibus 4- $70 Moon night by Huston Omni VF - $60 -She hulk Dan slott omni-$45 The question omnibus 1- $65 Razor blades HC (Tynion magazine comic)-$30 Injustice Omni NM -$65 ——————————————————————— Trades/etc:
Sara deluxe (ennis) -$30 Fellspyre chronicles (last god dc)-$30 I zombie volumes 1-4 (full) -$15

• Marvel star wars lot- $45 -dr aphra vol 1-3, boba fett complete collection, han solo, chewbacca, Han Solo and Chewbacca, Poe dameron vol 1-2

Human target 1999-2003 complete trades- $15
Spidergwen vol 1-3-$15
Unbeatable Gwenpool vol 1-2 -$15
Punisher suicide run-$10
Strangehaven vol 1-3-$10
Power man and iron fist vol 1-3 2016 signed -$20 ————————————————————-
$5 trades each
USM death go Spider-Man prelude HC
Karnak Ellis tpb
Lovesick tpb (image)
Hellfire gala tpb
Savage avengers vol 5
John Byrnes next men vol 1
Justice league gods and monsters
The greatest Batman stories over told
Dawn of x trades:
(5 each)
Vol 3, 6,7,8,9,11,13
Thanks for looking!

Hello all hoping you are doing good, I'm an Indian guy working as a Software developer in IT field. The problem is my English speaking skills are not good enough. I can read write and listen pretty ok but the speaking part really isn't coming . Here in my company mostly they speak in native language so communication with them is not a big deal but sometimes there would be customer sessions with foreign clients that's where I get the headache. I tried with English speaking apps and it really sucks, nothing is gonna do good like practicing with someone good at English. So I'm here for preferably a native English speaker who would love to make new friends and can easily talk with others, I'm a great introvert so have trouble in initiating conversations. Also I tried talking with men but can't talk more than 1 min and it's really wierd, that's why I prefer woman and they are the natural talkers. Also woman over 30 would be nice as they have many life experience and are matured but other ages are ok too. Im not asking for someone to be my teacher, just try chatting and if we have mutual interests we can be friends. Have never posted in reddit before, don't even know if I'm posting in the right place, please atleast guide me where to get someone for this help if I'm in the wrong place, TIA. 

Hello all hoping you are doing good, I'm an Indian guy working as a Software developer in IT field. The problem is my English speaking skills are not good enough. I can read write and listen pretty ok but the speaking part really isn't coming . Here in my company mostly they speak in native language so communication with them is not a big deal but sometimes there would be customer sessions with foreign clients that's where I get the headache. I tried with English speaking apps and it really sucks, nothing is gonna do good like practicing with someone good at English. So I'm here for preferably a native English speaker who would love to make new friends and can easily talk with others, I'm a great introvert so have trouble in initiating conversations. Also I tried talking with men but can't talk more than 1 min and it's really wierd, that's why I prefer woman and they are the natural talkers. Also woman over 30 would be nice as they have many life experience and are matured but other ages are ok too. Im not asking for someone to be my teacher, just try chatting and if we have mutual interests we can be friends. Have never posted in reddit before, don't even know if I'm posting in the right place, please atleast guide me where to get someone for this help if I'm in the wrong place, TIA. 

After my first breakup and the endless pain it caused, I thought I could handle anything. A few years back, I even received a diagnosis for ulcerative colitis and managed to cope with the diagnosis and the ongoing suffering. After five years, I opened my heart to another woman.
Two years later, it happened. She met a guy online. I didn't think much of it because men and women can be friends (though it's tough, but possible). He even had a girlfriend, so I wasn't overly worried. After meeting him a few times, she went on a university trip to Switzerland and came back a changed person. She wanted to spend the night at her mom’s, which was fine by me. She said she'd text me when she got there—it’s a 30-minute trip. Five hours later, she suddenly returned home. I was terrified, thinking she had died or something else horrible had happened. When she got home, she said she'd been out drinking with a friend, and we went to sleep because I was too exhausted to discuss anything. The next day, I demanded to see her phone because I didn't believe her (after she didn’t even notify me about her plans), but she refused. Long story short, she had been with Julian, the guy from the cinema. They had gone to watch the northern lights and had some drinks. I pressed her, unable to understand how she could keep this from me. Since she struggles with emotional stress, she confessed that she had kissed my best friend a few months back. After further arguing, she admitted it happened twice more, once at our place.
I told her straight away that we could get through this, and we discussed why it happened. She hadn't felt emotionally secure with me, and I see that now. Yes, it wasn't my fault she strayed, but I hadn't treated her as well as she treated me for the longest time. I wasn't terrible, but I hadn't made her my top priority, and she felt it. She had told me several times how important it was, but she never conveyed just how serious the situation was. We decided to try again, and she agreed to stop seeing Julian for some time (she didn't want to stop texting him because she finds it incredibly hard to make friends and didn’t want to lose that—she said she'd stop if she felt something romantic could happen).
Why didn't I treat her better? I can't tell you. Maybe my illnesses stressed me out! Maybe it was university, which has never stressed me so much, that kept me from paying enough attention to my girlfriend. I just didn't realize how serious it was.
A few days ago, my girlfriend decided to take a break from me to clear her thoughts and find out if she can still love me.
And then, as if things couldn't get worse: in two days, she was supposed to start a month-long break, and just now, she wrote to me that Julian's girlfriend had broken up with him, just as I had predicted.
My disease has flared up again due to stress, and it's the most important university semester of my life, but I can't go on because I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE.
Perfectly timed with our break starting, Julian's girlfriend broke up with him. I don't know what to do with myself. I love my girlfriend, even after everything, and I don't want to lose her. But after everything, especially this last part, I feel like I know where this is going. I just can't deal with it. I can't watch TV shows, I can't eat, and most of the time, I can't even cry. The only thing keeping me going is the hope that nothing happens with Julian this month and she comes back to me, so I can show her that she is my number one priority (alongside my own well-being). And I've never meant anything so seriously.
I don't know what to do with myself. I want to tell her to cut off contact with Julian, but she won't; I want to tell her to stay with me, but she won’t. And when I express my fear that she might develop feelings for Julian during the break, she tells me she can't imagine that happening.
I don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this far. Writing is the only thing I can do right now.
I feel like I barely exist these days, especially now. I’ve thought about hurting myself, but I won’t. I know I won't end my life, and I won't harm myself. I can't imagine how terrible the next months will be, but I have to survive somehow, even though I feel I may never be happy again.
So... I don't know what I'm expecting from this... Advice? I Quess. I can't imagine anyone can help. I still have to try everything.
**TL;DR;** : My girlfriend cheated and wasnt happy in the relationship and i need help, advice.. anything.

“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
Also, full credit to the other NWP enthusiasts who have been making posts about this and discussing it in other threads.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name is a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

We are the 1st Armored Division (Ole Ironsides) and we do semi-realism ops meaning we prefer a more laid back experience without having it be dysfunctional. We do our operations on Saturday at 4-6 pm Central Standard time, and if that time doesn't work we don't have a minimum op requirement and we also plan on doing mid week operations at random for people who find the time.
We offer a wide range of MOS's to field in our unit allow me a minute to explain a bit about each one, these jobs include but are not limited to:

• Rifleman - Before your anything here. You Are A Rifleman. The Rifleman make up the frontlines of our division they will don the reliable M1 Garand Rifle. This is the perfect job for those who are just looking to have fun.
• Auto-rifleman - This role will sport either the 308. BAR machine gun or the 30. Caliber M1919 Browning Machine gun. They will specialize in laying down suppressive fire and hate to support our General Infantry. This will come at the cost of the Heaviest kit in the division, but luckily no machine gunner works alone, a trusty Assistant Machine Gunner will be there to keep your belt dry and your gun Reloaded!
• Medical - The Medical MOS is perhaps the most important role we offer, either its out on the frontlines stabilizing the wounded or in the Ambulance performing field surgeries the medics keep the heart of this unit beating so that we may keep fighting.
• Designated-Marksman - TBD
• Anti-Tank - Anti tank infantry will sport the extremely deadly and satisfying "Stove-pipe" Bazooka. As an Armored Division fighting against the Nazi's Blitzkrieg Tactics, enemy tanks will not be a rare sight, luckily we have the Anti-tank infantry to keep us covered when our Armored Support isnt around
• Demolitions - These men will be in charge of all Demolitions either that be the Bangalore torpedo to help us cross over heavy enemy defenses or a well placed satchel charge to destroy an important bridge halting enemy reinforcements in their tracks. These men will be the front of our Strategic demolitions.
• Crew/Tank Crew - The Old Ironsides, from our boys in the Halftracks to the boys in the Dreaded Sherman-76. Armored makes up the backbone of our Division allowing us to spearhead through enemy defenses, wipe out enemy armor, and quickly transport us across all of Europe.
• Aviation - TBD
• NCO/CO Positions - Leadership is more than a title you achieve over time its a job that we should strive to the best at and we plan to give our NCO's/CO's the best level of training and qualifications necessary to lead our men into battle correctly.
• Grenadier - Grenadiers will also be using the M1 Garand with the Experimental M7 grenade launcher attachment. To lob grenades deep into enemy lines and to provide far reaching smoke cover without the use of Mortars or Long range Artillery.
• Flame Thrower - TBD

We are very early on with our unit so we are looking for people to help start and lead these MOS's and the unit into the war. Join us today!
Discord Link: https://discord.gg/8XZYE5DX68

“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the Polin sub which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name may be a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling, as a traveler, may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

I’m a female living with my grandmother and her current husband. I used to live across the country but moved back home when my grandma started presenting health problems. She is such a private person that she would never tell me her conditions until I moved in to help take care of her. It took her a year to share that she had a major cardiac event which triggered my desire to move close to her since she is the last good family I have.
My grandparents were extremely loving and supportive growing up, but my grandmother has always needed two men in her life. My mom has always joked that she is the most traditional member of our family- we are descended from a pre columbian matriarchal society.
When I was 13, my grandma started seeing her current husband shortly after her previous husband died. Grandma never married my grandfather but he stayed in the picture. This new guy, I’ll call him Peter, was super inappropriate. Right away he started bringing me gifts which mostly consisted of army clothes. He would have me dress up in them and then take pictures. My mom immediately saw the red flags and was very vocal about how creepy he was. My home life was extremely unstable, my mom and her husband would constantly fight- I’m talking screaming matches waking my siblings and I up in the middle of the night. My grandpa and grandma were the only sanctuary away from that for years until Peter was allowed into her home.
I remember one summer where we went over to his house while he was moving in, he gave me a can of some off brand drink already open. It tasted funny but I chalked it up to it being off brand. Then he told me to follow him into the basement and from there my memory just sort of fades out. The next thing I know we’re driving away from his house and I have no idea what time or day it is. I just remember coming to and thinking “that’s weird.”
After that he started taking every opportunity to touch me. I don’t mean sexually, stuff like always grabbing or rubbing my lower back whenever he would pass me in the kitchen. It almost always happened in the kitchen and it was often on my back. He would grope my thighs and tell me how muscular I was getting. When I was lifting weights in my home gym he would press himself completely against me and show me the “correct” way to do a tricep workout while I was bent over.
The older I got the more this behavior seemed disgusting and it didn’t stop until I was 23 but that was because I was never around anymore and had moved 1000 miles away. When I moved back I thought that I could let it go and at first it was nice to just be polite with Peter while taking care of my grandma. But then I got a spine injury and that quickly changed. I would lie on the floor at first for relief because I was scared of becoming addicted to pain pills. So for a month all I did was stay home crying on and off from the pain and praying things would get better. Then one day while playing a game on my laptop I felt someone watching me. It was so painful to turn at the waist that I had to crane my neck but in the doorway was Peter, staring at my ass. At first he flinched then tried to act like he was a concerned and just coming to check on me. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he stood there a while longer before finally walking away. I did start taking muscle relaxers but because of the summer heat and my constant pain I wanted to lie on the cool floor of my office. It doesn’t have a door, just a doorway that I put a curtain in front of. Well, Peter started acting creepy all over again. He would literally sneak across the house- his room is on the other side- just to peak through the curtain and stare. To him it was probably like a game, he’s an 80+ year old nasty man who blasts porn and homophobic rhetoric on his tablet. I became hyper vigilant, always stressed that he would try to barge in on my space at any moment. I would lay facing the door after the first time but he still kept doing his shuffle and slowly open the curtain even though the curtain is mostly see through.
I spent the whole summer in recovery and physical therapy but the floor in my personal space was always the most comfortable place in the house. This went on that whole time and every time I caught him- there were times I didn’t notice he was there until the last second so he probably snuck up on me several other times without me knowing at all- he would say “just wanted to check and see that you’re okay. Funny how all that “checking up” stopped when I eventually started staying in my bedroom where I can lock the door.
After that it was like being 14 again only this time instead of touching he would ogle. My chest is still something he stares at 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Then in January of 2023 I caught him going through my underwear. I had been extra careful while washing everything because I was afraid he would pull this shit but I walked away for ten minutes and when I came back he had all my lingerie in his hands. I. Fucking. Screamed. I yelled at him to put my clothes back where he found them but Peter just started throwing everything from the washer into the dryer, and then he grabbed everything out of my dirty laundry basket and threw that in the dryer too. He likes to cover his tracks so I think he was trying to make it seem like he was being oh so helpful and putting my laundry in the dryer for me. The way he was touching my underwear told a completely different story.
I love my grandma, but at 22 I tried talking to her about Peter’s behavior and what happened when I was 13. Her response was “I don’t believe that happened.” So, now at 30 I don’t even want to try talking. I just want to enjoy my what time I have left with her because once she’s gone then everyone who raised me is gone. That thought is terrifying and does not help that now when I see Peter all I want to do is scream and throw things. I want to make him cry, make him feel scared, make him run and hide in his own home for the rest of his miserable, disgusting life. Anyways, just wanted to be able to say something somewhere for once and unfiltered. if any other people out there are feeling alone and stuck in horrible situations just know that there's love for you in people you have not met and you're worth more than the bullshit you're put through.

32M in the UK. After tonight I’m taking a month’s break away from all social media because I’m pretty sure my way of thinking and self-perception has been massively skewed by instagram, tiktok, YouTube “red pill” male communities etc. for the first time in my life I feel like I’m gonna end up depressed and I need to change that.
Anyway I want to gather some direct, brutally honest feedback from women around my age, because in today’s world I’m not sure if I’m considered “enough” for a good woman. If you could take the time to critique me I’d really appreciate it. Warts and all.

• I used to work in management for a large company earning £40k rising to 50k/yr between ages 23 and 30. I left the job at 30 because I can’t hack corporate BS and assholes. I since started a 24k/yr job in civil service with 0 stress, which I’m still in.
  
• I live in a large 2 bed flat with private garden in a nice area. Because I’ve always been good with money and earned a good wage, with no kids, I managed to get to a position where I only have £30k left on my mortgage. (Flat was 200k). I have no other debt and my car is fully paid off.
  
• I feel self conscious about my small salary (not a euphemism!) but because of my small mortgage and no other debts I can have a pretty comfortable lifestyle on it.
  
• I take care of myself physically and I’m fairly muscular and fit. Though I’m only 5’9 so I guess minus points there.
  
• Although I like the idea of earning more money, I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to invite more stress into my life unnecessarily. I guess this would come across as lack of ambition to some women and not very attractive. Although, I do have around ~40k invested in collectibles which I will be selling off over the next 5 years or so as they increase in value, hopefully to around 100k or so.
  
• I’m very relaxed and don’t like confrontation, I find f2f communication easy and I think I’m pretty agreeable and easy to talk to. I’ve had long term relationships before that have always ended amicably, but my last one was 4 years ago. Though I don’t see myself this way, I’ve been told I’m fairly attractive, but certainly no Chris hemsworth or Ryan gosling. Maybe slightly above average. I don’t have any weird quirks and I’m pretty vanilla, not particularly exciting though I do wanna buy a motorbike next year. I get enjoyment from simple things like gardening, sitting outside with a coffee and a nice walk, as well as fitness. I’m not interested in partying or going “out out”. I’m also good at diy!
  
• basically, with how successful more and more guys are becoming at younger and younger ages, I feel like I’m becoming a lower and lower value man. Social media exposes women to men of much better substance than me and I’m just concerned that I’m pretty bottom of the barrel and won’t be enough for a good woman to want to stick around. What should I do better?
  

Relationship length: 2,5 Years Gender: Male (me), Female
After my first breakup and the endless pain it caused, I thought I could handle anything. A few years back, I even received a diagnosis for ulcerative colitis and managed to cope with the diagnosis and the ongoing suffering. After five years, I opened my heart to another woman.
Two years later, it happened. She met a guy online. I didn't think much of it because men and women can be friends (though it's tough, but possible). He even had a girlfriend, so I wasn't overly worried. After meeting him a few times, she went on a university trip to Switzerland and came back a changed person. She wanted to spend the night at her mom’s, which was fine by me. She said she'd text me when she got there—it’s a 30-minute trip. Five hours later, she suddenly returned home. I was terrified, thinking she had died or something else horrible had happened. When she got home, she said she'd been out drinking with a friend, and we went to sleep because I was too exhausted to discuss anything. The next day, I demanded to see her phone because I didn't believe her (after she didn’t even notify me about her plans), but she refused. Long story short, she had been with Julian, the guy from the cinema. They had gone to watch the northern lights and had some drinks. I pressed her, unable to understand how she could keep this from me. Since she struggles with emotional stress, she confessed that she had kissed my best friend a few months back. After further arguing, she admitted it happened twice more, once at our place.
I told her straight away that we could get through this, and we discussed why it happened. She hadn't felt emotionally secure with me, and I see that now. Yes, it wasn't my fault she strayed, but I hadn't treated her as well as she treated me for the longest time. I wasn't terrible, but I hadn't made her my top priority, and she felt it. She had told me several times how important it was, but she never conveyed just how serious the situation was. We decided to try again, and she agreed to stop seeing Julian for some time (she didn't want to stop texting him because she finds it incredibly hard to make friends and didn’t want to lose that—she said she'd stop if she felt something romantic could happen).
Why didn't I treat her better? I can't tell you. Maybe my illnesses stressed me out! Maybe it was university, which has never stressed me so much, that kept me from paying enough attention to my girlfriend. I just didn't realize how serious it was.
A few days ago, my girlfriend decided to take a break from me to clear her thoughts and find out if she can still love me.
And then, as if things couldn't get worse: in two days, she was supposed to start a month-long break, and just now, she wrote to me that Julian's girlfriend had broken up with him, just as I had predicted.
My disease has flared up again due to stress, and it's the most important university semester of my life, but I can't go on because I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE.
Perfectly timed with our break starting, Julian's girlfriend broke up with him. I don't know what to do with myself. I love my girlfriend, even after everything, and I don't want to lose her. But after everything, especially this last part, I feel like I know where this is going. I just can't deal with it. I can't watch TV shows, I can't eat, and most of the time, I can't even cry. The only thing keeping me going is the hope that nothing happens with Julian this month and she comes back to me, so I can show her that she is my number one priority (alongside my own well-being). And I've never meant anything so seriously.
I don't know what to do with myself. I want to tell her to cut off contact with Julian, but she won't; I want to tell her to stay with me, but she won’t. And when I express my fear that she might develop feelings for Julian during the break, she tells me she can't imagine that happening.
I don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this far. Writing is the only thing I can do right now.
I feel like I barely exist these days, especially now. I’ve thought about hurting myself, but I won’t. I know I won't end my life, and I won't harm myself. I can't imagine how terrible the next months will be, but I have to survive somehow, even though I feel I may never be happy again.
So... I don't know what I'm expecting from this... Advice? I Quess. I can't imagine anyone can help. I still have to try everything.
**TL;DR;** : My girlfriend cheated, i want to fix it, but everything gets worse and worse

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

~~

Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

~~

What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


~~

Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

~~

Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

~~

If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

~~

"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

~~

Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

~~

If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

~~

The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

~~

What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

~~

Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

~~

The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

~~

How do you find your purpose? You create it.

~~

Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

~~

Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

~~

A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

~~

How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

~~

If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

~~

10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

~~

‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

~~

Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

~~

Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

~~

Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

~~

‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

~~

Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

~~

Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

~~

‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

~~

How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

~~

Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

~~

Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

~~

Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

~~

I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

~~

I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

~~

A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

~~

A good actress will melt into her role.

~~

Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

~~

How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

~~

Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

~~
· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

~~

The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

~~

People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~