Interview with Alexandra, screenwriter of the story “The Secret of Heaven - Requiem.”
Friends, we welcome you to our modest interview with the beautiful Alexandra, take some goodies, pour some drinks and enjoy your reading!
Hello, first of all I want to congratulate you on the successful start of your story! Our interview is also exciting in the second update, filled with plot twists. How does it feel?)

• Hello! Thanks a lot! I have a lot of experiences) both pleasant and exciting. And there are still many things and moments that I want to think through better. Therefore, my whole life now consists of thoughts about the next episodes. Sometimes I get distracted and realize that several days have already passed, which for me have merged into one. Because of this, it seems that everything that is happening is some kind of derealization.

Let's start with the questions that we dedicated to you; we and the players are interested in learning more about you! Please tell us how you started working at the Romance Club?

• I responded to the vacancy and was selected. This is not the first time I auditioned for the Kyrgyz Republic)

Many screenwriters have rituals before starting work. Do you have anything similar, in general, how do you get ready for work?

• Ideally, it would be great to remain in silence and solitude, light an incense stick, dim the lights and play music suitable for the moment that needs to be described. But I never wrote Requiem like that) In reality, you have to work in less rosy conditions, and the main ritual is to open your eyes in the morning.

Can you share a photo of your desk/where you work?

• I already posted a photo of a laptop and a sofa in Tg: I have to constantly walk back and forth and look for a place where it will be calmest.

Do you play yourself and what are your favorite stories and favorites in them?

• I'm interested in watching what happens in all the stories, but I don't play much of anything. I prefer to watch discussions, read reviews, see what impressed the players, which of the favorites I like best and why. I want to be aware of everything, so I go through the update highlights.

What do you like to do in your free time? Maybe you have some hobbies?

• In short, I draw and come up with stories. Now my whole head is filled with Requiem, my hobby at the moment is to think about how and what would be better to do in it.

Where do you get your inspiration from?

• From games, music, books, films, comics. If the author has put a message into his work or has worked hard on the atmosphere, then this will always find a response inside, and will give rise to his own thoughts, making him start reasoning. My work often begins with a question. For example, what if a stalker gets his own stalker? And so on. A thought, a feeling, an interest appears - it could be some kind of fleeting feeling in which you want to stay, linger, which you want to develop.

What kind of music do you like to listen to?

• There is no specific style or genre, I like individual tracks. I divide playlists by year; this option is very convenient for me. They mix openings from anime, lyrics to films, tracks from musicals and operas, classics, popular songs from TikTok and God knows where else songs taken from.

Do you have any pets?

• Yes, my crazy favorite cat.

What is your favorite movie/anime genre? What can you recommend to watch?

• It’s the same as with music: I like very different things in different genres. From “Monster” to “Ouran High School Dating Club” if we talk about anime and from “Bratz” (and I’m talking about the film right now) to the conditional “Lobster”. Like the black and pink house meme. If I recommend something from films, then probably “Helter Skelter”, from anime – “Let’s Play!”, from animation – “Moonbeam City”.

The Romance Club team is scattered all over the globe, are you used to different time zones? Or do you have certain working hours that are mandatory for everyone?

• I don’t have a time difference with the guys who work from the office, so I don’t have any problems.

As a content consumer, how do you feel about glass storylines?

• Great. But, if I’m already in a sad mood, I’ll prefer not to finish myself off and choose something easier.

Do you love winter yourself?

• Yes very. Summer is harder for me to cope with... But I love and romanticize all seasons, it makes life easier and more interesting for me.

We slowly move into questions about the story itself and its development :) How long did it take to develop the story?

• If you count from zero to the release itself, then a little more than four months.

Were you involved in the development of Requiem from the very beginning, or were there any other options in the pitches?

• There were no other options.

Which existing characters do you find the most difficult and easiest to write?

• Problems happen to everyone. At some moments I know exactly what the character should say and how, and sometimes everything gets out of control and leads to something strange. If I managed to relax and accumulate some kind of resource within myself, then the characters speak easily and simply. If the days have been hard and I’m empty inside, God save me and help me.

Did the fact that this universe already existed help in the development? Or, on the contrary, was it difficult to comply with the already written “laws”?

• It's 50/50 here. On the one hand, it’s convenient that you already have the basics, on the other hand, you’re afraid of missing out or forgetting something. It’s scary to invade someone else’s world and behave like a barbarian there. But thanks to the fact that Alice is always ready to help and explain everything, I feel more confident.

Which character is most similar to you in character?

• Brat. My daily states fit the meaning of this word well.

To get a more detailed picture, in what period of the CH2 timeline do the CH2 events take place? Or, is this all after the final of CH2?

• The events of SNR take place after the finale of SNR2.

Dmitry and Anna are from Russia?

• We'll learn more about the characters' backgrounds in the story, so I'll keep it quiet for now.

How long ago did eternal winter begin in Rotkov? Judging by the text, there is no longer a warm season there.

• Rotkow has always been a cold and alienated place, but after the events of CH2, cataclysms came to earth that changed the climate. These changes will play a role in the plot and very soon.

Why did Rotkov become the last outpost? After all, there is a place where Dmitry’s detachment came from.

• Rotkov is the northernmost city in Siberia. There are other surviving cities to the south of it, but if you go north from it, you will no longer find settlements. The detachment dubbed the city an outpost, meaning its significance as an advanced point, a kind of fortified place.

Could someone from the SN cast be flying somewhere far away? Can we meet them? In theory, Malbonte, for example. Would you like this?

• If someone just flew by in the background, it would be a wonderful meme!

Are those immortals we have already seen former Unrecognized or not? Perhaps history introduces us to something new regarding the appearance of angels and demons?

• The story of Anhea and Pileon will also be told as the novel progresses.

How long have both churches existed in the city of Rotkow and, in general, how old is the city itself in its current state?

• This will also be mentioned later in the story.

People cooperate with immortals and both sides are not happy about it. But according to the laws of the SN universe, immortals had to protect people. Why aren't they happy now? Because of the need for direct contact, or has something changed?

• After the events of CH2, the immortals lost their home and peace. In such conditions, many of them no longer cared about people’s problems.

If Lane was able to survive and was not noticed at the funeral of the Siberia team, is there a possibility that any of her other colleagues remained alive? Besides her boss.

• There was no funeral for the team: no one went into the rift, infested with abominations, to pull out the bodies of the dead. A memorial was simply erected in the city with the names of those who served in “Siberia”, following the surviving papers.

Lane has a scar on the back of her hand, but the girl in the cinematic was bleeding from another cut, as if this was done to show the presence of a scar?

• This is a spoiler.

“The Book of the Apocalypse” is written in the language of darkness? We wanted to ask exactly this question, but this update gives completely different information. Was this book written by different “people”? Somewhere there is Latin, and somewhere there is something that even Cain cannot see.

• Alas, this is also a spoiler.

Is that distorted corridor Lane's subconscious?

• Yes that's right.

How long did the Sibir team work until its death? How many people were in the team?

• The Siberia base operated for decades. It was a large military-scientific complex, in which quite a lot of specialists worked, not counting the service personnel.

Why is it so important for Dmitry to get Lane emotional?

• This is not some kind of task or goal, but something that happens rather spontaneously. It is important for Dmitry to know what Lane is like: her boundaries, her ability to lie, her deepest motives. He will check her, but it should be noted that some of the girl’s reactions amuse the general.

Have all the lovelines been represented at this point in the story?

• Spoiler.

Cain is so knowledgeable about sensual rituals, did he take part?)

• He didn’t take part, but he is really familiar with this kind of stuff))))

The reference for the estates, especially regarding the estate in Rotkov itself, was the Catherine Palace?

• He was one of the references. The Great Catherine Palace is an imperial palace, the official summer residence of three Russian rulers: Catherine I, Elizaveta Petrovna, Catherine II.

On this note, our interview comes to an end, we express our deep gratitude to Alexandra for her time and patience. And to you, our dear readers, thank you for supporting us! We would like to once again congratulate everyone on the beginning of summer, may these warm days bring you joy. And “The Secret of Heaven - Requiem” will cool us with its icy charm :)

I've actually been wanting to do this for some time now lmao. Btw this is just my interpretation of each character, followed by my opinion on said interpretation. Feel free to disagree, I love to discuss with other people.
Haruka: Okay so what I think happened for him is that he very obviously has a developmental disorder of some sort. I'm not sure exactly what, and I don't really wanna speculate because I'm not an expert. So he, as a child, was neglected by his mom and didn't receive enough attention. This led him to become extremely attached to his childhood best friend, which didn't really affect anything when they were both children. But then, she grew up, yet he didn't. She started to act more maturely, and he didn't. They grew apart, and Haruka couldn't understand why. Or maybe he did, and blamed himself. Anyways. Yada yada, he tried getting attention from his mom by killing animals, he did get attention (the wrong kind), kinda went off and killed his ex bestie as well, either out of frustration or for literally more attention.
Now, my general opinion of him? Neutral. I don't love or hate him. Maybe a very mild dislike, but that's only because I find it disturbing how he calls Muu his mom.
Yuno: Abortion. I like Yuno. Not because of the whole "omg girlboss slayyyy you have total control over your body yas queen" thing, because honestly yall have got to stop saying stuff like that. I like her because she wants to be recognized as a "mature adult" who can actually take responsibility for her actions, instead of being degraded into this poor innocent girl who knows what the shit is. She's so impartial to everyone, even herself, yet she knows and acknowledges the fact that she's still human who has emotions and empathy, which is why she sometimes tries to help out. Yet, she doesn't deny the fact that she seeks interesting and new things, leaving behind others when most would feel guilty. 10/10, relatable character.
Fuuta: HATE. He is so... thoughtless?? I absolutely hate people who gets so caught up in their cause that they literally cannot see anything else. They don't stop to think, "oh, maybe what I'm doing is wrong? Maybe there is a better way to go about this?". Now, to be fair, I don't know much about Fuuta. So please, feel free to disagree with me about him, but I cannot stand the way he didn't stop to think that maybe cancelling others would push them to suicide. That just shows his naivety. I acknowledge that his passion is admirable (passion for what I'm still thinking about), but passion without the knowledge to help is just being a stubborn idiot.
Muu: I don't have much of an opinion on her character, but I do enjoy the concept that she represents. My personal theory is that she represents how somebody can be both a victim and a bully at the same time. She is at her very core, human, but without all those polite manners and social skills drilled into her. She turns pitiful and desperate when disadvantaged, but turns cocky, arrogant and confident when she has power. She is so, undeniably, human. And yet she can also be kind at times. She has such a f-ked up perception of everything, so maybe yall didn't catch it, but she's still trying to be nice in her own warped way.
Shidou: Eh. He's like, okay?? Not gonna comment on his crime because I don't feel anything towards it. But his attitude is sort of annoying. The way that he clings to his role as a doctor in prison after trying to forsake his life, the way he keeps trying to bring up age with Es (yes I know age is a valid point but bringing that up just makes it seem as if you're looking down on Es *only* because of their age. it's degrading), all that stuff just kinda gets on my nerves a bit. I appreciate what he's doing for the prison,,, but I don't really like him.
Mahiru: Love her. I love the way she tries to stand up for her ideals, no matter how much society + Es tells her it's wrong. She's been hurt so much yet she's still so optimistic, bright and hopeful about love. I love her.
Kazui: Neutral. I would have wanted to scream at him about just,,, not telling lies, but I can acknowledge how hard it is for some people to not care about their image, especially if they grew up in a traditional household.
Amane: A bit positive and negative at the same time. I dunno, I just kinda like the way that she found a way to adapt to her horrible circumstances. Although that way is by weaponizing her religion to protect herself, but yeah. Unhealthy circumstances calls for unhealthy coping methods. What I dislike is how she doesn't even want to give other thoughts a try. Like she won't stop and think about other options, not even for a little bit. But then again, it's literally been drilled into her since childhood to not betray that religion, so I guess that makes my point invalid.
Mikoto: Why, why is he so popular?? What?? I'm so confused. Honestly I just think he's neutral. Just like, oh look, another victim of the toxic work environment who found a terrible way to cope. I don't have any feelings about John either, although I do admire his dedication to Mikoto. He's just so,,, uninteresting??
Kotoko: My wife. I'll try not to let bias get in the way of this one.
Okay I'm gonna be so fr rn I absolutely detested her at first. She's like Fuuta,,, but so much worse. She takes her ideals to the absolute extreme, pushes down all guilts and feelings about others to carry out her "justice". She's so unwilling to admit that she likes the feeling of beating bad guys up, the moral high ground it gives her. She's not only hurting other people, but also herself. Mf thinks she's in an edgy movie where she's the anti-hero who goes against the government and is constantly misunderstood, like girlie stop. Stop and THINK about what you are doing, see the death, destruction and harm you've brought about not just to others but also yourself?? Goddamn.
I'm not even sure why I like her LMFAO. All my opinions about her is just, she's human scum who needs lots of therapy to stop hurting herself and others.
Es: Love my non-binary guard. They care so much for the prisoners, trying their absolute best to understand them while coping with their body and mind being infiltrated by us. I always feel so guilty having them bear the burden of explaining the guilty decisions to the prisoners,,, just want em to be happy and work-free. I admire their dedication to truly, truly feel for the prisoners, try to understand the entire context instead of the one on the surface. Yeah, they act immaturely, they're a 15 year old who has no memories, no clue as to where they are, clinging onto their role as a warden even if it makes them look pathetic because that's the only thing they've ever known. It's their only sense of "identity" they have that gives them power and pride.
Jackalope: HATE HATE HATE HATE GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN TRIAL 2 END gOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BACK TO WHICHEVER MISERABLE BASEMENT YOU CRAWLED OUT FROM AND STAY IN THERE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. JACKALOPE IS A FATHER AND CARES FOR ES?? I CALL BS. HE DUMPED SO MUCH WORK ON ES, ACTS SHIFTY AND MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME, DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ES, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO LIKE HIM?????

My mom is being sued by a law firm representing the HOA for a condo she owns that is being rented out. It appears she missed 3-4 previous court dates for what seems to be two different cases. However, my mom doesn't recall receiving any notifications about these cases. I currently live with my mom (temporarily) and I didn’t see anything either. Due to the missed court dates, there is now a warrant out for her.
For context, all condo-related communications have historically gone to my sister, who manages everything regarding the condo. We believe the HOA might have been sending notices to the condo itself, where the tenant lives, and that the tenant didn't pass them along. It also could’ve been sent to my sister’s house and thrown away (not by my sister). Additionally, my brother-in-law (an accountant) thinks the HOA might have accounting errors, leading them to believe we haven’t paid the HOA fees. We have proof of all payments ready for court.
We’ve tried contacting the law firm suing my mom multiple times, but they haven’t responded. The court date is this week, so we're running out of time to fully understand why we’re being sued.
Any suggestions on what we should do here? My mom had no knowledge of the court dates, and we want to avoid any negative impact on her record. Our family has owned this condo for 15+ years without any issues or missed payments.
Additional info: My mom and dad co-signed with my sister on the condo many years ago. Due to my dad’s early-onset Alzheimer’s, we moved assets into a trust, including the condo. The trust became invalid, so we moved the condo out of the trust, and it’s now solely in my mom’s name until it can transfer to my sister. Our elder law care attorney that we have on retainer told us they couldn’t help us with this situation (even just contacting to see what the fine is for).
Questions: 1. Given that my mom missed several court dates without knowing about them, what are her options to address the warrant and the missed dates? 2. How should we approach the court about the lack of notification and our proof of payment? If it happens to be about something else such as fine for the tenant having X on their porch or something else, should we ask for a continuance? 3. What steps can we take if the law firm continues to be unresponsive? 5. Would it be beneficial to bring up the historical handling of condo-related communications by my sister and the possibility of tenant interference in court?
Any advice or in insights (even outside of the specific questions that maybe I didn’t think of) would be greatly appreciated. I looked up the law firm and the reviews (yes I know they may not be true) make me a bit worried that we are dealing with a nightmare of a firm when it comes to responding and being reasonable. Please please help! Thank you!

To preface this, I am not a financial advisor, this is not financial advice, and I am not extremely well-versed in the stock market compared to the majority of people in here.
I get it. FFIE as a company kinda sucks. I like the stock and the movement, but we need to be real, it could certainly be run better. I may be brainwashed, but not to that extent.
I understand the hate on it, I understand everyone calling it a scam, I do. Even with all of that, I don’t care. I don’t know why. I just feel like this could be different. If I lose my investment, oh well.
Really what it comes down to, is that there are FTD that hedge funds need to pay back, right? Now I know people are going to say “no, they already did” or “yeah, but it will only raise it one cent” etc. etc.
I may not be an expert or even close but I genuinely don’t know if that’s the case. Something more dark and more sinister seems to be going on behind the scenes. It almost seems like these huge money pit companies are playing musical shares to give the illusion of scam, so they can mitigate their loses.
Things just don’t add up. Whenever market opens, it becomes extremely volatile in seconds. There’s a subreddit (ffie) with over 50k people… but most don’t seem to be real. Why is that? It almost feels like theres a bigger power in the shadows fighting back.
Now, let me reiterate, I am not a financial advisor and no expert on stocks. I may have more knowledge than the average person but still, extremely limited.
The goal for the past few weeks was to keep FFIE above a dollar to avoid delisting, so any shorts that were required to be paid back, didn’t fly under the radar if it got delisted. 2 days before achieving this goal, we got hit HARD. This feels like that outside power at play, considering everyone seemed to be holding strong. Things just didn’t add up. Everything continues to not add up.
I know everyone is hating on FFIE, yeah, I get it. If I wasn’t so involved I probably would too. But seriously, I really encourage everyone who blindly hates on FFIE to check out the subreddit. FFIE (Maybe filter to the posts from the smarter individuals, I am well aware of the karma farming and posts from less evolved apes, trust me.)
I also know this is a roaringkitty subreddit and not a short squeeze/pennystock subreddit. I just wanted to post here since I can see FFIE has a lot of traction and hate here.
Call me dumb, call me a bag holder, whatever. I genuinely don’t care. I just have a feeling. I have a feeling something big is going on and the truth is being hidden. I have a feeling I like the stock. Nothing anyone says will change that. I’m not putting my life savings in it. I’m putting what I can lose.
At the end of the day, I like the stock. The purpose of this post is just to encourage all of the FFIE haters just to dig a little deeper. Even if you think you already have, dig a little more, open your mind, if you still hate it… then that is your decision. People investing in this stock are normal people, people who want a better life, people who want to see the rich taken down a notch. That is really all it comes down to. That’s the dream I believe in.
this is not financial advice

Before I start I'll explain base knowledge of my situation. I work for sporting organization as a part time worker selling merch. I've been doing this for 3 years doing event and a year and a half working weekly in their merchandise store. I'm the face people see when buying jerseys and such and I also take care of online orders. I was placed in the position of in store when they needed someone urgently to replace a leaving worker. I love this job, my coworkers and my regular clients.
For context manager I speak of has his own higher ups that he needs to work for but I don't get the chance to interact with them because they take care of an umbrella of stuff
Since I've started in the team store last year. It was simple and straight forward at first. I was babied into the job basically with help by my former assistant manager (he left because of manager mistreating). Over time my manager enjoys adding more random rules and making our jobs very dependant on him all the time. So much is if we want to do something that is not a basic sale. We now have to text him everytime hoping he isn't busy.
I personally try my best to avoid so because it slows down our process immensely and makes our customers annoyed most of the time. We aren't doing well in sales because of many reasons. Including merchandise nobody would want with a track record of not functioning and having some insane prices and wait times.
But these situations get me in trouble because I try my best to not have customers angry (often towards me). So over time my manager enjoys placing blame on me. Being a little dry with me, not informing me and sometimes (with proof) has spoken behind my back. He enjoys changing my schedule without any warnings. Adding new rules and taking any real choice I have away...
He's placed the blame often on me and my coworkers. Spoken down to us, disrespect our intellect and barate us of any mistakes we do. Many coworkers left because of him. I'm writing this after I've been told once again by one of my best friends that works along my side. That he was purposely avoiding Me to tell me why I suddenly lost a day of my weekly schedule when I need the money to you know survive...
I really don't wanna lose this job, many great people I met here, many memories and I love the time spent here. But he's purposely pissing me off at this point. Even having told me it's fine to leave if I want even tho I had no plans to do so???
What is there that I can really do? Am I just being a little annoyed? Should I just lose hope and leave this place?

A lot happened before my father passed my sisters both demanded accounts and signed on the way they owned our father and her to the lot of large amount of money before he retired one sister had full control to put one account and because her husband had knowledge of how to control people with these accounts and how to sign them to where you own them and could walk away with all that one dollar unless my dad wanted to press charges felony and he did not he lived with that for several years the thing was my brother-in-law demanded I didn't no help and no cash from my father who bought me a vehicle and he also demanded who bought from him so he could have his own cash that started a bad thing but on the other note my other sister and brother planned a long time ago to steal all on the end and one sister her whole name go in life was to still everything in the end to work as a librarian in order to mingle with authorities with a plan of cutting me out because mother made her hate me when we were children she told her she was a real oldest daughter I was adopted by my father in the state of Missouri because I had no father my mother was abusive to me and she got her words she cut me out she got threw me out of the family they had me abused I had a death threat at one time when my memories came back I have an appointment to talk to a trusted her recovery attorney next week but it's well down to now it's a dirty stuff but they're still a very large amount of money missing that was too preachers one being a bad lawyer who was elected to prosecutor because of his name the state of Missouri couldn't help me with that because he was elected. There's no protection for heirs even though there's laws in Missouri. And when did in-laws with hating their heart and greed they come errors assets were never reported I never got anything from my dad as far as I had property stored there I finally got my camper but it cost me a lot my brother forced me to sign titles and soon tops and my sister would use them on something I told her it would be fraud because they couldn't Court can tell immediately that the paper was added to after the signature landlords can't get away with that anymore unless the person can't take them to court then they do cuz it happened to me before my thoughts are I was abused my life was certain all this Northwest Missouri it's very corrupt a bank account was moved when I was dying in another state and the prosecutor won't even let me look because it's been a few years back I need prosecutor the bank was concerned like there was a criminal and that prosecutor said get a lawyer well that's all I was told by a person well when they have more money and they've used pictures to launder money they use the prosecutor to get their way to not probate a larger state and they turn their back on me that goes to me like I am a disease because I know what they did my life was in dangerous I still don't feel safe I'm in this town I'm working on getting away from here so I can take care of the rest of this but my children didn't deserve to be cut out my father did not do this they did what they wanted for very large amount of money who got a very large attack right before he died and then I don't know who got the money I'm not money doesn't drive me but the fact that they did what they did has me irritated because my children did not deserve this my brother was supposed to probate and help me get all this done so my sister's got their way so far but my mother was in the background she was the first ex-wife and he was single but my one sister control freak controlled dad never move after his last divorce and he couldn't trust her she stole tooth imagine that grave sold them a year later without telling him to make banked on that but she did that because my other sister would find onto his largest inheritance account and controlling him with it he didn't press start his own either one but he did turn him in before he died after he got that last check he was bullied that's why they wanted my memory is gone I hired somebody to come into my life I found Love with a narcissist who was there for hire St Joe Missouri is very corrupt Andrew county was where the prosecutor fake probate attorney was they're still a fake casing at the judge refused to move it off but my brother is no longer represented who paid it to get it stopped to get those two titles back my father bought way more local than that my brother and said he was doing his own probate he bullied me to sign in 15 titles two were property I can't find out where those went except for I know they were laundered through his church his Titan picture who greedy preacher but also was involved and getting money off the top that's I'm in the assets it's all a mess it's a very big mess I'm talking to Tony next week another one thing is only have one chance that they got more money than they're counting you know I they laundered money they did it's on public 300 vehicles cars and trucks at dad bought for probate my brother promised to do with me that sisters pays him to do with that program that month is already had the prosecuting attorney as a lawyer he's not even a probate lawyer and now he's not a prosecutor attorney who knows he did wrong he's also a preacher but he's one of those tithing pictures like the other one putting printers lying their own pockets with other people's money they don't give it to the floor they're legal things in my eyes but I'm opinionated

I've been seeing my primary care doctor for several years, and have been mostly happy with the relationship because at least at first, she was relatively fresh out of med school and seemed empathetic and listened.
When I started seeing her, I'd also mentioned my frustration with some previous issues that I'd experienced with something of a revolving door of mostly male doctors (due to moves, insurance changes, etc.).
The most traumatizing was a back injury that resulted in weight gain and numerous unsuccessful attempts to get a diagnosis and treatment... it took 7 years to find a back pain sepecialist, who sent me back to physical therapy just to create a paper trail for insurance before trying laser nerve ablation, only for the new PT to discovetreat the muscle spasms and resulting impbalance that was the root of all of it.
The other was exercise-induced compartment syndrome, which was incorrectly assessed as shin splints during my entire 6 years of staggering through PT tests in the Army.
In retrospect, I think I was beyond clear what my symptoms were and these should have been readily diagnosed - had the providers I had access to at the time been even marginally curious, rather than seemingly chalking my symptoms up to weight or suspected malingering.
So, I admit I have a chip on my shoulder about not being heard.
With my current provider - I hadn't had anything too traumatic with her until recently.
But I did have a negative experience with an orthopedist after I experienced arthritis in my knees, seemingly triggered by some kind of mild autoimmune response to an upper respiratory illness but also apparently just bad luck in the genetics dept.
My symptoms were disproportionate to the degree of the arthritis, which either he or my PT eventually explained was the result of patellar dislocation from the especially shallow groove mine sits in. I still had to fight for cortisone injections, which are what ultimately calmed the inflammation (despite the orthopedist's extreme reluctance to treat with anything but ibuprofen - despite it giving me ulcer-like symptoms).
I genuinely believe the arthritis was partly reactive to that initial illness or the continued inflammation (caught in an inflammatory cycle) because I haven't had issues since. But I did not feel very validated when I tried to ask questions to get to the bottom of it, and ultimately switched orthopedists - though I haven't needed to see the new one again since the switch, because after a few rounds of cortisone to calm everything down, I actually haven't had the same issues since.
I actually don't want to keep switching doctors every time something goes wrong - so how do I find one that listens to patients?
So, here's the deal with my current primary care doctor:
I had been asking about ADHD for a few years, and she brushed me off or implied the only treatment for adults was skills based training and not worth pursuing. At the time, I was preparing for bariatric surgery and had too many appointments, and care was hard to come by during the pandemic, so I dropped it.
During the year post-surgery, my symptoms were getting substantially worse.
She insisted ADHD doesn't get worse.
I found a specialist on my own and asked for a referral when their waitlist opened, and she did write the referral - but also wanted me to see a psycologist who works with her medical system's practice.
That psychologist was terrible. She listened to me spill my guts for 30m, then said ADHD symptoms always appear in childhood and I appear to be successful at work, so I don't meet the criteria. When I tried to point out I had in fact just pointed to many symptoms going back to childhood, and had mentioned how my job was being affected, she noted on my chart that I was noncooperative. I felt set up, like my doctor had insisted on this referral knowing what this psychologist, who she works with closely, would say.
Now that I am working with a specialist, I think my symptoms are pretty obvious and that the issue is that perimenopause has a clear impact on ADHD traits that may have been better managed for, though definitely present, prior to hormonal or life changes around that age.
But when I approached my PCM again, about medication management - this time with a confirmed diagnosis - she expressed skepticism by pointing out one provider had confirmed my diagnosis, but one didn't.
Except - the diagnosis was confirmed by a specialist after a lengthy diagnostic process over several months, and the otyer psychologist met with me one time and doesn't even specialize in ADHD (or perform diagnosis at all) so I don't even know how those could be compared?
But since my PCM refused to manage my medication (saying "of course everyone feels more productive on amphatamines - despite the fact I don't even get a stimulant effect from my meds... because I have ADHD), I continue to meet with a psychiatric nurse for that - which is OK, at least my needs on that front are being met somewhere, right?
But since one of my ADHD traits is rejection sensitive dysphoria - it is troubling to me, continuing to see a doctor who so clearly does not believe/approve of my treatment for a documented medical issue. Even, or maybe especially, when it was diagnosed only after a lengthy and very thorough assessment by a specialist.
I don't want to throw around the word gaslit because I realize doctors aren't perfect - and really, I appreciate skepticism most of the time. But I need the psychological safety of a provider who listens and hears me, and trusts my knowledge of my own body. Even if they have a different theory - let's explore both? And maybe keep an open mind when other practitioners do, in fact, validate what I've said?
Now I want to see an OBGYN to find out if HRT might also be beneficial, since perimenopause likely exacerbated their presentation. So during my recent physical, i mentioned HRT and asked for a referral, which she wrote.
On paper - so far, so good.
But then I read the chart notes.
Long story short, I feel like bits and peices of our visit were cherrypicked and framed, often misleadingly, in a way that suggests my request should not be taken seriously.
My doctor audio records our visits to help with charting, so there should be limited ambiguity - ans I studied communications in school, I do understand that people can have very different interpretations at time. But I make every effort to be clear when describing symptoms for this reason... and based on these notes, it's like we weren't even in the same conversation.
It's subtle, but... for example, I mentioned I had an appointment later that week to get some labs done (for my bariatric doctor), and that I'd hoped to have them done before the appointment - but I'd tried to drop in the previous week but the line was hours long.
She wrote that she "reminded me" to do this and "stressed their importance."
Then she noted she asked about my diet, and I "gave a vague answer" ... which is true, but it was because it was the very end of our visit and I interpreted it as a "how is that going, anyway?" question about my experiences post surgery, which was 18 months ago. I didn't realize she was expecting a more detailed accounting of my diet, and she didn't clarify, but now I feel like she's implying my answer was evasive.
There's a few other things like that, but it culminates with my ask for a referral to discuss HRT with an OBGYN, where she expresses skepticism ("no clear reason to believe") my concerns about focus/concentration and sleep are attributable to perimenopause, vs my "other" comorbid conditions (The ADHD she doesn't believe I have and my sleep apnea that's been treated for 10 years, presumably).
Except ... I literally walked her through why I do believe this, in detail. That declining estrogen, a neurotransmitter, exacerbated my ADHD focus issues. That it was right around a few years ago, in my early to mid 40s, my anxiety medication had seemed to stop working and the dosage had to be increased (though it was probably just inadvertently treating my then-undiagnosed ADHD). That I had also been waking up early lately, and having trouble fallijg back asleep, which is also a permemenopause symptom.
And then lastly, she writes I have a family history of breast cancer, which would appear to be a clear contraindiction for HRT.
Except ... what I mentioned during the visit is that I do have too much cancer in my family, but that its not clear to me at all if it would be a contraindiction because I have one aunt on my dad's side who has breast cancer in her late 70s, but it is triple hormone negative and that there is no other family history of breast cancer at all on that side of the family. And that on my mom's side, I have an aunt who had a different cancer - not breast cancer - that was discovered late in her treatment to be hormone sensitive, and that she'd subsequently tested positive for two BRCA mutations... but that my mom had been tested and had neither of the mutations in question.
So basically... am I reading too much into this, because doctors are busy and not writing a transcript?
Or should I be legit concerned my doctor is trying to set me up as an unreliable narrator for the next provider by completely skipping over important info and then twisting other bits in ways that at best don't reflect our conversation, at middle, perhaps reflect mild biases on her part, or at worst, seem to present me as an unreliable narrator?
Like I said - I've had bad experiences, I have every symptom of RSD, I'm an overthinker by habit and neural wiring, and admit this is a topic I really might be just a bit twitchy about... but that's also because my lived experience has been the consequences of not having an ally are that I will peobably get discouraged and end up suffering longer than I should have.. with fixable issues that have regardless impacted me in profound ways.
I really want/wanted a doctor I could have a relationship with, and wiiling to partner with and supoort me in finding answers when I need them. And I have a seven or eight year relationship with my current doctor, and I don't take that lightly...
But if that relationship has changed, is the problem that my expectations are not realistic or is there something specific I should be looking or asking for when/if I start looking for the next one?

Salam,
We need to understand something clearly our parent's generation are one of the main reasons for the Zaniyah crisis. The western Muslim parents treat their male and female offspring the same, which is a huge crime according to the Quran, Allah is very clear that the Male is not like the Female (3:36). We should not be expecting our daughters to go to mixed University and get a job, that should not be their main soulless goal in life, their main goal should be to get married, they can also get educated and get jobs but that should be secondary or done in parallel.
It does not matter what you will become in the future, Doctor, Engineer, Professional Athlete, University Professor, etc ... every young Muslim man (15-25) is entitled to go about his life with a female Muslima in hand in lawful engagement first then marriage. Do not let anyone, especially your parents or the immoral West, take that right from you as a young man for their selfish mostly financial goals. Man up and take the initiative even if you are in high school. Getting into a halal lawful relationship with a Muslima that you intend to marry as early as possible will allow you to reach your full potential as Muslim Man in this life, you will have reason and her presence will allow you to fight the challenges of life properly. The lack of her in your life will lead to misery and you will get depressed and see no reason to try your hardest.
Your parents want you, the Muslim Man (18-25) to wait until you are 30 to get married. These same parents send their 18 year old western hijabi Muslima daughters to mixed University where a large portion of them not only do not wait for marriage, but commit Zina or get into relationships with K#phirs, which should be extremely enraging for the so called Muslim parents, especially the fathers who are supposed to have Gheerah over their women, but you find that they do not care. The parents will choose this option over getting her married young and protecting her with the excuse that marrying young will led to her not completing her education because she will not be focused on studying, which in of itself is a horrible excuse, as you can do both marriage and education if you really want to (You have a lot of energy when you are young which is a blessing from Allah that we western Muslims are not using to the fullest).
Young western Muslim men (15-25), you have every right to get engaged/married and enjoy the partnership of a Muslima at as young as you can, do not get told otherwise by your money-worshipping so-called Muslim parents. Allah blessed you with the feelings of inclination to females that you have at your young age for a reason, he does not want you to wait until you are 30 for feelings he instilled in you at 12, it just does not make sense, logically, morally, and in every way possible.
You also need to understand that every soul is responsible for their own self, what I mean by that is if you as a Muslim man commit Zina because you cannot wait until 30 to touch a woman (which is completely normal by the way, you want to get into a relationship as a Male at 15 and your expected by your so called Muslim parents to wait until 30 which is absolutely insane) and you end up committing Zina, your father (mother as well but to a lower extent) will say on the day of judgement that it was none of his business and that you (the son) committed the crime of Zina and that he has no fault although he prevented you from getting married at 18 either directly or indirectly by discouraging it. What I am saying is, they (your parents and society at large) will lead you down the path of Zina and then say that it was none of their business when you actually do fall into it, truly the Shaitan's work. You need to man up as young as possible (12-15) and hold responsibility for your sins and actions. Your parents will not be able to save you and they will say that they are innocent when they are asked for your crimes like Zina. You also need to understand that you have some degree of responsibility over your Muslima sisters, to varying extents of course. You should not accept immoral behavior from them, regardless if they are your direct sister, or some girl at University. If they choose to wear the hijab, a clear sign that they are one of us, they need to respect it and not act immorally in public especially with males that are not even Muslim. If they can't do something as simple as this, they should not be wearing it in the first place, it is completely fine if they take it off and live their life of sin to the fullest, just do not identify with us and go wild (Note, this is what all groups do, when you do something against what ever citizenship of Western Nation you hold, they can legally take your citizenship from you for going against what they deem as immoral). It is the same thing in this case, if the western feminist Muslima cannot handle the fact that she should not be acting immorally in public, she can just not wear it and act as immorally as she wants.
I know Muslim men who wanted to get married at 18 or young in general and even went to the fathers of the girls to ask for them politely for lawful engagement to their daughters but were insulted by their own fathers and rejected by the fathers of the girls, remember the same fathers that send their girls to mixed University so they can complete projects with their K#phir Male University buddies so they can get that useless piece of paper in 4 years which is currently not even helpful in finding a job. You know how many of those father's daughters ended up committing Zina and getting into relationships in University behind their Muslim parent's backs? You want to get shocked? Let alone with men that are not even Muslim, which in of itself makes it much worse and should be enraging to the fathers. These so-called Muslim fathers if they had any sense (which is strange seeing they themselves were young men before) would happily welcome the young men that wanted to marry their 18-year old daughters knowing that the young man was respectful and that the fitna is unbearable in the K#phir Universities, but instead they forgot Allah and worshipped money and this led to the Zaniyah crisis we see today. Don't they realize that young men need a goal in life to get anything done? IF you get a young engaged at 16 and married at 18, he will work 200x more than he normally would had he been single during those formative years of 18-25.
So, what is the solution for the young Muslim men, 15-18, in the west. First, you need to understand that we understand what you are going through and what your going through is perfectly normal and if Allah blesses me with a daughter and a young man asks to get engaged or marry her, I would happily agree and even help him in the sense that I would make things easier, examples include renting out a room in my house to him for cheap. But that is me, not all Muslim fathers in the west. The solution is you break free from the shackles of modern K#phir slavery, you man up and get a job, if even part-time, as young as you can, in my province the age of work is 12 and that is what my 12-year old younger brother is doing now, working. In some other places it is 14 or at worse 15, so you have no excuse, you start work part-time then aside your normal schooling and at 16 you ask to get engaged to a girl that you intend to marry at 18. If the father says no and the girl likes you and wants to get married to you, you have no choice but to continue talking to her without his knowledge with the intention of marriage or get a sheikh involved for an initial engagement which will at least make it lawful. Then you focus as hard as you can on working on your craft and keep your word and marry her.
This is the only way the Zaniyah crisis can be stopped in the west, this is the only way that Muslimas can be protected, get them married young. Any other suggested solution will fail. I cannot force all Muslims in the west to follow this way but I can at least do my part and follow through with it if indeed I get a daughter, I will definitely get her married young and if it is a young Muslim man that wants to get married, I will be understanding and helpful, regardless of how young he is.

First Last
Once Lizra and Human crested the hill, in front of them was a long rocky peninsula which jutted out into the turquoise green waters of Quori. It split through the ocean like a dagger, the white foam of waves washing onto it trying to bury it beneath the tide. Lizra hopped down from Human’s shoulder and bounded down the path to a secluded black sand beach nearby. Looking out over the waters, the semi-circle outline of the red giant was slowly dipping below the horizon. The water shimmered in the red light, shifting from green to a vibrant yellow in the sun’s intense glare. The sounds of waves crashing ashore was all that disrupted the world around them, a tranquility undisturbed except by nature itself.
“I remember you talking about a beach back at the facility, and how much you wanted to go to one. So I chose this place specifically since it has the most impressive on Quori. We should be far enough away from the town that nobody will bother us. It’s empty this time of day since they don't wish to trek all the way back in the dark.”
“Can you see fine in the dark?”
“Well no, not really; but Tic-Tac said it wouldn’t be a problem for you.”
“Yea, it’s not a problem,” Human said, walking out onto the shore. The tiny black stones of the beach crumbled underneath him, each step transforming the rocks into a fine sandy powder. He stopped a few meters before the water, gazing out into the setting sun that was trying to escape below the waves. He set the boxes down beside him and slowly seated himself on the beach, resting his hands on his legs and watching the world from between his knees. The green wake slowly washing up and licking the edges of his boots as he sat there.
“Is it everything you were expecting?” Lizra asked, going over to Human and sitting atop the boxes.
“Even better. Thank you.”
The two sat patiently for a breath, taking in the ocean vista before Lizra spoke again. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of seeing things like this. Places like these are why I love the Outer Worlds so much. Untouched, pristine, just existing in their own little pocket of the galaxy. One thing we have that The Core worlds don't, is real genuine nature. I know you’ve needed something to take your mind off... well everything. You always seem so down and stuck in your own head. I hoped this could help you clear it.”
Human sat quietly, watching the sea rise and lower, like a creature breathing in a slow steady rhythm. He lifted his arms up to the base of his head before stopping, hesitating as if he was thinking something over.
“I think… It’d be even better to see it with my own eyes.” He submitted to the thought and released the clamps at the base of his helmet. A small hiss of air escaped from the edges before he pulled it off his head. Multiple wires and connectors dislodged from his ears and mouth as he let the mask fall into the sand with a heavy thud. His pale hairless scalp a stark contrast to the pitch black beach around them, and his sunken features told the story of someone who had seen better days. A jagged red scar ran from the side of one of his eyes to the back of his head, breaking up the symmetry of his face. He brought an armored hand up to block the light of the red star in front him, squinting his eyes which weren’t adjusted to the newfound intensity.
“It’s… a lot brighter than I thought it would be. And everything’s so… quiet.” He sat still as his eyes adjusted to the new environment. “I don’t hear it all anymore. The little things scurrying in the rocks behind us, the restless buzz of the city… the constant sound of your heartbeat. It's actually quiet for once.”
“I didn’t know you always heard those things.”
“You get used to it if it's all you’ve ever known. This feels so strange, like losing one of your senses you’ve had since birth. Is this how it is for you?”
“Only in places like this. Away from it all.” Lizra said, curling up into a little ball, enjoying the serenity of the occasion and the sun on her speckled fur.
“It’s nice, you were right. It’s different to actually feel the heat of a star on your own skin.” The pair didn’t say anything for a long while, taking in and appreciating the peacefulness of the moment that they were sharing. The sun was nearly set by then, great crimson beams of light broke through the gaps of the orange clouds above setting the sky ablaze. Lizra finally broke the silence between them, “I forgive you, you know. You don’t have to feel bad for what you did. You didn’t know what you were doing.”
Human didn’t reply for a short moment, a bead of water slowly emerged from his scarred eye and splashed into the rocks below. “No… I knew what I was doing.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened to my people. It was a long time ago.”
“Not for me.” Human replied with a whisper, closing his eyes as he looked down at the sand underneath him. “I had a long time in that pod in the beginning, no way to escape my thoughts. Nothing to do except dwell on everything I did over and over, again and again. You don’t know what I did, the people I hurt.”
“I know that you’re not the same person that was there all those years ago. I can tell that you are genuinely sorry for your actions, and someone who feels that kind of remorse deserves a second chance.”
“How can you forgive me so quickly? I haven’t done anything that could even remotely make up for the things I've done.”
“Because you want to be better. That shows that deep down you were always a good person. Regardless of what you might have done, you can still make the universe a better place here and now. That’s more than enough in my eyes.”
“But it's not enough!” yelling the words as he stood up. Lizra hadn’t ever heard Human speak like this before. “How can that be enough? I haven't even done anything yet!”
“It’s not about what you did, it’s about what you’re going to do moving forward.” She stated as she sat up, locking her small eyes with the creature towering above her. "Whatever you may have done, you can always atone for it by doing the right thing now."
“That doesn’t fix anything I did! No matter what I do now, however many fucking lives I save! I can never go back and salvage the ones I ripped apart.” He yelled, turning away from her, hands clenched into fists. “That’s all I was made for after all! I wasn’t made to differentiate between right and wrong, good vs evil, to think. That was never supposed to be my problem. I was made just to do as I was told, and let somebody else worry about the mess. All I’m good at is destroying everyone and everything around me. Is that the kind of person that you think can be salvaged!? You wanna see how great of a person I've always been?”
Human reached over to something on his chest with trembling fingers. Nestled between the plates of armor and his bodysuit were a few small pieces of paper. He pulled them out as he turned around to the tiny Elyrian and threw them into the air over her. Lizra ducked down in fear as the photos floated to the ground around her nearly getting caught in the breeze.
“That’s how good of a person I was. See that happy little family in those pictures? How great and wonderful their life was?” Lizra picked them up and looked down at the small collection of images in her paws. They appeared to be a personal keepsake one would have on them to remind them of their family. The first showed two of her own species at a beautiful Connection ceremony, happy to spend the rest of their lives together at a beautiful mountain temple. The next was them holding a newborn child, you could see the joy in their eyes as they gazed down at it. Next they were in a town, the father holding the little one up in the air as it smiled. There was one of two younglings playing together in a grass field while the mother ran after them trying in vain to catch them. The last showed the family of four together, the now grown baby from the second image lifted the father off the ground laughing as they tried to recreate one of the earlier frames.
“I slaughtered them, watched them bleed out and die one by one. And what did I do the whole time? I was laughing, I was fucking enjoying another casual day at work as the little ones begged for their lives crying, and had watch their parents be executed right in front of ‘em. Is that something that someone who was always a good person would’ve done?”
“Who are you to forgive me? What gives you any right to say that I’ve changed and am any different from the monster who murdered that family? I’m not someone who deserves a second chance at anything! I don’t deserve anyone's forgiveness or sorrow or any of that shit. All I deserve is to be put down and forgotten about like the rest of my people! Maybe then, when we’re all dead and gone, the universe would finally be a better fucking place!”
“Human, I-I apologize that-” Lizra tried to speak but was cut off.
“You apologize? for fucking what? What do you possibly have to apologize for? You weren’t the one that looked them in the eye and pulled the trigger with a smile. You live in this happy little bubble where everything’s so great and nobody’s truly all bad, just misunderstood. Well news flash Lizra, the universe isn’t some magical place where the good always win and the bad guys lose. Cause if it were, I should've died a long time ago.”
Lizra looked away from the images clutched in her shaking paws, tears flooding her own eyes now. “Well excuse me for thinking that there might be some remnant of a genuine person behind that emotionless facade you put on. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the monster everyone wants me to think you are. But clearly that's all you see yourself as. You may have escaped from the human ships, but if you can’t escape from your own head then what was it all for? Why even go through the trouble if you’re just going to sulk around feeling sorry for yourself until the end of time?”
“Sorry for myself? I’m not sorry for myself, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about myself or how I feel. The only thing I even remotely feel sorry for is all the ones that actually deserve to be alive instead of me!”
“Does it feel good taking that anger out on me? Do you feel better yelling at the one person who's tried to show you that there's more to the world than just anguish and sadness?”
“I just can’t wrap my mind around it. You don't know the first thing about me! And yet you sit here and tell me how I should feel? As if someone like you can even begin to comprehend what I’ve seen, the shit I’ve done. You think I’m someone deserving of kindness?” Human nearly crying now, getting his words out between choked breaths. “All my life, this universe has shown me nothing but malice and hate from the moment I was forced into existence. And from that day on, I've made sure everyone else felt just as awful as I have. So what have I done to earn anything better?”
“You don’t need to earn the right to feel better! You’re not going to go out and do some heroic act of redemption that magically makes you feel better about everything!” Lizra yelled back, getting just as emotional as Human was. “You don’t need to save me from the great danger of someone walking out of a store, or go back in time and rewrite the history of my people, for me to forgive you. The fact that you’re here now, yelling your heart out on this beach, proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that you’re more than just some mindless weapon like everyone thinks you are. You have thoughts, feelings, regrets, that's why you deserve a second chance.” She was panting, nearly out of breath from the way she was yelling back at him.
“You just have to want to do some good in this life, and maybe then people won’t see you as l something that needs to be feared. Maybe once people realize there’s more to you than just pent up destruction, they’ll actually want to be around you. And when you wake up and see that everyone around you can care about you, might just start to feel a little bit better about yourself.” Lizra spoke, putting the pictures down and wiping the tears from her eyes.
Human stood motionless glaring at his trembling fingers before falling back into the sand. He brought up his hands to his head and yelled, there were no words behind it, but the meaning was clear to everyone there. Lizra carefully picked herself up off the box and stepped over to Human laying down on his back. She sighed wrapping her tail around him and rested her head against his. Then he began to cry for the first time in his life.

I have no idea if this is allowed here, I'm so sorry if I break the rules, I wasn't sure if mental health stuff violated the "no violence" for Am I The Asshole. I want to be respectful!
tl;dr: My mom woke me up, broke a boundary by entering my room to ask for access to scissors even though there were 3 pairs outside my room, the plumber came immediately after and started making loud noises (didn't know it was the plumber at first), I started freaking out, I tried to tell my parents that that's not ok, they told me that it's not ok to go off on them and that the world doesn't revolve around me.
Background: I (24F) recently had to move back in with my parents for a few months while I sell my condo (I'm very sad about it!) because I'm moving to another state to finally finish my degree and need the money. Because of my super low cash flow right now, my mom is being amazing and letting me borrow a shit ton of money. The whole story is way longer and much more complicated than that but I think those are all the relevant parts. Also worth noting that I struggle a lot with mental health, I have super bad CPTSD and just recently finished an IOP program. I've actually been doing a lot better until today.
I knew it was going to be hard living with them again because it wasn't a great situation growing up, but I figured I could scrape by until August. I'm using the downstairs bedroom and have it and the bathroom to myself. My mom has her crafting stuff in here but rarely if ever uses it so it's mostly mine. I asked if I could put a lock on the door for my privacy but that didn't go over well so I just let it drop, especially since we've had many discussions preemptively about boundaries. One of those boundaries was privacy, that no one would come in without asking first.
Situation: I'm starting my new job tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it but last night I was such a ball of anxiety that I couldn't fall asleep. I ended up passing out around 7am. Around 8:30 (I think, I was half asleep) my mom banged on the door then immediately opened it asking to get the scissors out of here. There are 3 other pairs upstairs. I was so delirious that I just moaned "noooooooo!!!" She left and went upstairs. Next thing I know there's a ton of REALLY loud banging upstairs. I start freaking out since I had just been woken up suddenly to my mom completely ignoring the boundaries we set then followed by super loud noises which is one of my triggers. My parents know this.
So this is where I might be the AH. I needed something to change, anything, or help, just something. So I went upstairs in my robe and I go around the corner looking for my mom and instead find a strange man standing in the house (who I later found out is the plumber). I start freaking out even more. I finally see my stepdad and barely get out "privacy, scared, sleep, privacy-" before he cuts me off and screams in my face "NO. YOU ARE DONE. GO TO BED!!!" The exact phrasing might be off but that's the gist of it to the best of my knowledge. I go downstairs and go into a horrible panic attack, get out of it, go into another panic attack, rinse and repeat a few times. I needed my mom to listen to me so I finally can move enough to call her down. I explain to her that I could have handled any of those things individually but together was absolutely terrifying and that she really broke a boundary doing what she did and I needed her to understand that it was terrifying. She tells me "we didn't know the plumber was going to come early! The world doesn't revolve around you, we have a house to take care of." Then she gets up and storms off.
I go back into my room and proceed to have another super long time (not sure exactly how long) of panic attacks before I finally get it together enough to call the crisis line. They manage to walk me through calming down (all my cheat sheets from IOP are still packed up). Now I'm much calmer but I can't help feeling like that's an absolutely insane thing for anyone. Like even without CPTSD, I feel like anyone would freak out in that situation. Maybe not as bad as I did lol, but the point still stands. But they think I'm the AH for this so I'm very confused. So AITAH?

If you came here from AITAH then you've possibly already read this... if not, this is the story of what unfolded after my Great Uncle Joe passed away, and what has turned into a crazy few days - and maybe a story that will continue for years to come.
A couple of days ago, my Joe passed away at the age of 92. The best way to describe Joe was “eccentric.” He was reclusive and very private, living on what I assume was the last little piece of our family’s property (my great-grandfather had amassed a large amount of land that had been sold off over the decades after his death). A lot of people thought he was a hermit, but I never saw him like that. To me, he was the most compassionate person I knew. He was wise, caring, and honestly the only person in the family that ever spent serious quality time with me.
Joe had always been the odd man out in our family. He was the youngest of three brothers – Alex, (who I’m named after) died in the Korean war and my grandfather Robert passed away when I was still in high school. My family never bothered to pay attention to Joe; he was never invited to family events. In fact, I think he was ignored because he lived a simple life in a shotgun house on what I guess was the last piece of land that my Great Grandfather (GG) had owned. I got the feeling that no one wanted to bother him, thinking he’d just cause them trouble or maybe ask them for money, but I spent a lot of time with him, and we shared many conversations about life, legacy, and the things that truly matter – he never appeared to need anything and certainly never asked me for money.
Now, a bit more backstory on the family. We’ve been in this area for generations, and there's a strong sense of unearned privilege among many of my relatives. Like I said earlier, my GG owned a lot of land, around 60,000 acres to be exact. It was fertile farmland, tracts of timber, and stretched into the mountains where he had leased out select areas for mining, and some of the most beautiful lakes and riverfront in the state. When he died, each of the brothers inherited 30,000 acres from their parents (1/2 to each surviving son of the 60,000 total acres of timberland, mining leases, and game land my GG owned). Our grandfather, like his brothers, sold off his share over the years. He lived large and was married three times, having children with each wife. By the time he died, he had sold off about half his land, and his children (including my father) each received a nice cash inheritance and split the remaining land among them equally.
This should have been plenty for most people to retire comfortably, but not for my family. Each of the children, my dad included, then sold off their land to fund their standard of living until finally there was nothing left. There was a lot of resentment among the uncles and aunts and particularly among the cousins who experienced different upbringings—some of whom had little to no memory of their grandfather and even less knowledge of the legacy my family had been gifted, and squandered. Joe was the only one that seemed to care about the family’s legacy and wanted to preserve some record of it. He would sit with me for hours telling stories. When I came back from Afghanistan and was slowly recovering from my injuries he came and saw me every day. He’d share stories and I’d write them down – I’ve got a heck of a collection to share with my children one day, if I’m ever lucky enough to meet the right lady.
From a young age, I was captivated by Joe's stories about his oldest brother, who died in the Korean War. There was an 18-year age difference between them, so they didn’t share many adventures, but Joe idolized his brother as a hero. Those stories inspired me deeply, and I was the only one in the family who chose to serve in the military. Joe was my biggest supporter during my service and, later, when I was injured and medically retired before I turned 30. After my recovery, Joe encouraged me to pursue a career that would make a difference. Ultimately, I decided to go back to college and attend law school. The two years of law school were a nice distraction from the physical and mental pain I brought back with me from the war, and I ultimately became an attorney advocating for veterans. Now I have a small practice in town and focus most of my efforts on pro-bono work (I’m comfortable on the few paying cases I take at a time and my military retirement). I live and work in a cool old space on our town’s main street that I lucked into at a super cheap rent.
This morning I got a call from my great-uncle’s attorney (who was also one of his only friends). I know him professionally, and he’s a good man – he feeds me the occasional client that’s not right for his firm, and we’ve got a good working relationship. He said that Joe had instructed him to prepare me to be ready to deal with some family drama after his will was read. He said Joe wanted me to know he loved me, that he had confidence that I’d do the right thing, and that he was sorry that I was the only one he could trust to handle “things” appropriately. Cryptic, right? Well, that was pretty much normal for Joe! Damn, I’m going to miss him, but I guess I already said that.
Joe always implied that I was the only one in the family that ever showed him any concern and that he’d never forget it, but we never talked about money or anything else; it wasn’t important to either of us. I think Joe made me realize how much more important it was to be a good man than a rich man and that nothing else ever really mattered. The rest of my family definitely doesn’t see it like this.
Like I said, Joe was the black sheep because he didn’t fit into the mold of privilege and entitlement. Most of the family didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved, and they really missed out on getting to know an amazing person. I will say though that Joe had a sharp wit and wasn’t shy about sharing his opinions of how my father and his siblings had treated the family’s legacy. There’s a part of me that thinks Joe might have set things up to mess with those who ignored him and didn’t honor their heritage and ancestors.
I’m not sure what to expect to come from this, but Joe was eccentric, not delusional – if he said that he was getting ready to deal me some “family drama” to deal with then I believe him, but honestly I can’t figure what it would be. Joe was a simple guy – he never worked that I knew of, and the times I asked him what he did for a living, he’d just tell me that he had my great-grandfather to thank for a nice life. I assume he’s referring to the land he sold off, giving him the means to just hunt, fish, raise his dogs (I’ll have to tell you about them sometime), and spend time with me. Maybe Joe managed to hold onto some cash and was going to make a big deal about what he was doing with it? I suppose some of the family might get spun up about that given the fact there is not much left from what my GG passed on?
I’ll know more tomorrow. The will is supposed to be read on Friday, and I’ll update you then. Maybe I’m worried about nothing, but I feel like I’m about to be in a battle, and I haven’t felt like this since Kabul. I know this isn’t an AITA post yet, but I guess I’m wondering if AIGTBTA – Am I Going To Be The Asshole?
*** MINI-UPDATE **\*
I've had several more calls from extended family asking if I knew anything and I still don't have anything concrete to share but it sounds like everyone over the age of 18 has been asked to come to the reading, that's a little unusual in my opinion but then again I don't know how long ago Joe wrote this will. By my count there could be up to 15 people there tomorrow.
I went to Joe's place to pick up his dog's stuff early this morning (he's living with me now) and as much as I'd have liked to nose around to try and figure out what's going on I have too much respect for him to do that (plus it's not my stuff). There was a stack of bound journals (he's the one that had me start journaling) and other documents on the dining table. Joe had set a note on top asking for them to be delivered to his attorney in the event he passed. I think he knew he wasn't coming back and set them out there so they wouldn't be overlooked when the family came in after he died. He was very concerned that a lot of family history was going to be forgotten when he died. I'll make sure that doesn't happen.
One thing did stick out as strange - the other reason I went by was to pick up his mail so I could drop it at his attorney's office this afternoon before the meeting tomorrow - lucky I did since he left that pile of stuff. Obviously I didn't open any mail, but I can say that it's not what I expected. He spent several days in the hospital before he died and I hadn't been back to his house since he went in, so I knew there would be about a week's worth of mail piled up. I figured it would be mostly bills and junk but several of the letters looked like checks from corporations, including a couple I'm personally familiar with. Maybe he did have more going on than I thought, but honestly it just wasn't ever something we talked about.
Last quick thing and nothing to do with the AITAH thing- only sharing because I'm actually personally excited about something that happened and this is taking the place of my journaling for a couple of day. About a month ago my high-school sweetheart moved back to town to take a position with the local hospital. She used to come to Joe's with me when we were in high school and Joe let us take his brother's car to go to Prom. He really liked her and she always said she enjoyed spending time with him too.
She was a year behind me in school. We tried to keep seeing each other after I enlisted but that almost never works out. After graduation she went to college, then medical school, and did her residency on the West Coast. She rarely came back and I was gone for so long we totally lost touch. It's been over decade since we've actually seen each other, although I did hear from her a couple times after I was injured. Back then she was just starting her residency and between her schedule, the time difference, and my rehab we never really got could find the time to really reconnect.
Yesterday she called me to tell me how sorry she was to hear he had passed and we're planning on meeting for drinks tonight to catch up - hopefully tonight. I really needed something to look forward to and this definitely qualifies!
*** (NOT SO) MINI-UPDATE 2 **\*
Ok, I didn't think I'd be updating again until have the reading tomorrow morning at 10:30, but things are heating up a little already. In addition to the random calls from cousins who knew that Joe and I were close as well as from my siblings, I’ve gotten three phone calls today from the "previous generation".
First call was from my Aunt Debbie, she’s the youngest of my dad’s brothers and sisters and always has been a lot to deal with. She married a nice guy but always is complaining about money, wanting to travel more, buy a nicer home, etc. After my grandfather passed away she spent the money he left her on who-knows-what and within 10 years had sold off all of the land she had inherited. Unfortunately she was selling off land when the market was down during the recession, so what would have probably been worth well over $30,000,000 today she sold for less than a third of that. That’s still a lot of money but it seems like she’s burned through a lot of it already (or given it to her kids). Anyway – she called me to tell me that she knows I’m the only one with a key to Joe’s place and she wanted me to meet her there and let her in this afternoon. I told her I was already busy today and she got a little annoyed and told me not to forget to bring it with me to the reading tomorrow. She said they want to clear the house out ASAP because she's going to develop the land into homesites and needs to get things rolling. This was news to me but I just ignored her and told her I’d see her tomorrow. For reference, I know for a fact that despite living within 30 minutes of Joe she hadn’t spoken to him in over a DECADE!
The next call I got was from my father’s current wife, Jessica. She’s 20 years younger than he is and is the only wife he didn’t have kids with (thank God, and no, I don't care if she reads this). Anyway – my dad’s wife called me and said she knew how much Joe / Alex’s car meant to me and told me that if I wanted to buy it she’d try to give me the first shot at it. I just thanked her and got off the phone. This woman has literally never even met Joe.
Finally, I just got off the phone with my dad. He called me about 30 minutes after his wife did. This is the first time I’ve heard from him since Joe died. My Dad is actually closer to Joe’s age than Joe was to Alex’s. Joe was 14 when my dad was born, like me he was so much younger than his brothers that there was almost a generational gap between them. Joe was probably more like an older brother than a young uncle and for a while they were really close but something happened (no one ever told me what) and there was a falling out.
My dad has a big personality – he’s lived a pretty extravagant life and for despite being nearly 80 years old (yeah, he was over 60 before I got out of high school) he’s still the “big man” when he goes into a room. He was my Grandfather’s oldest son so he’s always taken on the lead role at family events. Like his sisters and brother he sold off his land too, although I know he sold it off in smaller pieces and over a longer period of time. He basically used it as bank account and selling it off was his version of making a withdrawal. I assume he’s set for the rest of his life and I know my brothers and sister are expecting an inheritance when he dies. In fact - they speak pretty openly about it.
My Dad's call was a welcome change after the calls from Debbie and Jessica. My dad actually sounded pretty reserved and a little down. The first thing he did was apologize to me for Jessica’s call. He told me she had no right to do that and she had no say in anything that was going to happen with Joe’s property - or his one day for that matter. Evidently he tore her a new one after walking in on the tail-end of her conversation with me. He told me that he knew I was the only one in the family that spent time with Joe and that regardless of what happens at reading tomorrow he was going to give me anything Joe left him – if he left him anything at all. He told me that he appreciated how much I had done for Joe and that he had regrets about how their relationship had soured. I’ve literally never heard him talk like that before and it honestly has me a little emotional. It sucks that he has to live with those regrets when a 30 minute drive was all it would have taken to start fixing a relationship.
Finally – he told me that he didn’t really know for sure but he suspected tomorrow might hold some surprises. He told me that he’d be there to back me up no matter what happened and that I wasn’t going to be alone. I asked him if he knew something but he promised me he didn’t know anything for sure and that he would have told me if he did. He said he'd just always had suspicions about "some things" and that depending on how things unfolded he didn’t want to see any more relationships go the way his and Joe’s had, or the way Joe and my grandfather’s had.
I told him about the call from Debbie and he said she was way out of line and to not worry about it, that he'd be giving her a call immediately after he got off the phone with me. He also told me that I shouldn’t let anyone else in Joe’s house, that I was the only one Joe gave a key to for a reason and that no one had any business going in there until after the will was read.
Obviously I wasn’t planning on letting anyone in but this was possibly the most supportive call I’ve ever had with my father and I just appreciated that he was planning on standing up for me. My brothers, sister, and cousins (I’ve got 2 brothers, 1 sister and 8 cousins) all got used to a certain way of life from their parents but frankly none of them have been able to maintain it on their own and most of them are pretty petty about it. Their parents aren't much better, despite having had the benefit of a generous inheritance.
I’ve got to stop by the attorney’s office at 4:30 and then I’m meeting Samantha (Sam) for drinks and maybe dinner if we both have time. If you want to hear about that let me know, otherwise I’ll just stick to the family stuff.
*** up-DATE **\*
It’s late – I don’t know if I’ll get all this out but I wanted to write it down before I forgot.
First, Joe’s attorney looks worn out. He didn’t share much when I dropped everything off, just thanked me and we chatted for a few minutes. He did say that he hoped I was going to get a good night’s rest, that tomorrow was going to be long. He also asked how many clients I was working with right now, which was odd, we rarely talk about caseloads. I told him I was just handling some contract work and a few family estate planning matters (ironic, right?). He just nodded and said “Good.” I could tell he wanted to say more but he just shook my hand and said he’d see me in the morning.
Drinks with Sam turned into dinner and then dinner turned into an after-dinner drink before we both had to get home since it’s a “school night”. Seeing her was like stepping back in time... I don’t know about her, but for me all the feelings that I thought were just a high school crush came rushing back as soon as I sat down with her. I know I might just be feeling a little bit stressed by what’s going on and maybe she’s just a welcome relief from a bad week, but I’ll take it for now. She’s done everything she said she would in high school – stayed focused in college and medical school, did her surgical residency in under six years and then her cardiothoracic fellowship. She literally just finished and moved back here as soon as she was done. Evidently she received a full scholarship from a foundation associated with the hospital on the condition she return to provide surgical support to the community for 5 years after she finished her fellowship. We’ve got a fantastic hospital but I guess it’s always a challenge to recruit talented surgeons. I told her about my practice and the veteran advocacy work I do. I told her I didn’t plan on getting rich doing it but that I enjoyed being home and that the connection I felt to the land here just keeps growing stronger.
We talked a lot about Joe. She surprised me when she told me that she kept in touch with him even after we stopped seeing each other. She’d call him once a month or so to see how he was doing and she had evidently visited him when he was in the hospital during his last few days. He never told me that she stayed in touch – in fact we never spoke much about her at all. I hadn’t seen her in ten years and frankly didn’t think she’d ever come back from the West Coast. I’m starting to think that Joe kept a lot of secrets.
I told her about the reading of the will tomorrow and the phone calls I’d gotten today she got visibly upset when I mentioned the comment about the car and I think she almost cried when I told her my aunt wanted to tear down Joe’s house and divide the land up for a bunch of houses.
Then she reminded me about Joe’s plans for a house… I had completely forgotten that back when she and I would go over there regularly he had pulled out these extensive plans for a large home that he said was designed to be built on the slope of the valley, overlooking the river below that fronts the property. It was intended to be a family home, but without a family he never saw the point of living anywhere other than his house.
He had done the designs himself, drawing every architectural detail, making landscaping plans, even identified the site. He was quite an artist and had put so much of himself into those plans. I can’t believe she remembered them but she said she always wanted to see that cabin in person and couldn’t bare the thought that someone would chop up the beautiful property just to put in a bunch of McMansions for the crowd coming out from the city for the weekend and summers. I told her I was going to do everything I could to prevent that from happening but that I didn’t know how it was going to turn out.
For a while I forgot about tomorrow and we just got caught up on what we’d been doing. She let me share what I wanted to and never pried for more information. We ended up holding hands across the table, which somehow felt incredibly intimate. When it was time to go I walked her to her car and opened her door for her. She turned to me and we hugged for what seemed like a full minute before she sat down and I closed the door. She rolled the window down and told me she wanted me to call her right after the will is read and that if I needed her to she’d be there if things got unpleasant.
So that’s it – kind of a perfect way to end the day. I wanted to get this out before I went to bed, it’s helping me keep my head clear. Next update will be after the will is read.
NOPE: I was literally about to hit post on this and my phone dinged with a text from Sam. I’ll just put it here exactly as I got it: “Tonight made me feel like life interrupted something special 18 years ago. Let's not let it interrupt us again.” I guess it wasn’t just me.
I think whatever happens tomorrow I’ll be fine. Next update will be after the will is read. Thanks for all the comments - honestly this is very cathartic - even the ugly ones.
*** UPDATE-ISH **\*
Ok - this morning has been crazy. There is too much to unpack here all at once and I'm supposed to go back in with Joe's attorneys in a few minutes. The family is mostly gone (I asked my dad to stay) and the firm is bringing in lunch shortly so we can keep working through the details.
Honestly, I don't know what to think. I know I promised an update and I'll try to get one out today, but more happened this morning than I can even think about getting down on paper. I haven't processed most of it myself and this afternoon sounds like it's going to be more of the same.
Some of you were right, and yes, there was drama. Also - I know I'm not going to be the asshole but I can already tell not everyone is going to feel the same way.
Side note - Sam called me this morning and told me not to let the property go no matter what. She even offered to help me pay for it while I figured things out. I've got a lot to talk to her about. I know I need to get to know the adult Sam and she needs to get to know me but for now it's good to have someone to talk to since I can't talk to Joe.
*** Update : Reading of the Will Part 1 - The Letter **\*
This day has been ridiculous. I'm sad, angry, honored, and humbled all at once, and processing that is harder than I thought it would be. I'm waiting on Sam to get done at the hospital – she’ll call me on the way here. I've got a lot to talk to her about and I haven’t told her anything yet. Let me first say that I'm not comfortable sharing the full details on everything going on right now but I won't hold back on the people side of things. I’m also going to have to break this up into a couple of posts I’m sure… sorry this is long but this is just how I journal.
As I mentioned already, the day started really well. Samantha called me first thing this morning - I didn't text her back last night because it was so late and I was really tired. I also wanted time to think about "us" (if there can even be an us already?) before I spoke with her again. I'm not a rash person. I've never been someone to rush into anything and frankly I've not had a serious relationship since Sam and I broke up. I've had a series of girlfriends, some that I loved in many ways, but no one that, in hindsight, I was "in love with".
Between trying to juggle school and the service, two deployments, and then the transition back to civilian life, I just wasn't that interested. Now that I'm back home and have settled in to a life and a sort-of career I've been ready to find someone but frankly I just haven't met anyone who I connect with on a level deeper than just shared interests.
When I woke up this morning I knew that something was different. Despite everything going, on my first thoughts weren't about the reading today, or losing Joe, they were about Sam. As much as I loved that feeling I know it's time to be cautious. I don't want to hurt Sam or frankly, to get hurt.
When she called I wasn't sure what she was going to say but I was honestly a little worried that we wouldn't be on the same page - I shouldn't have been. She told me she didn't want me to freak out about what she said, but that she also meant every word. She wanted me to understand that she isn’t into games, that she’s serious about seeing if the older versions of us are everything we’re both looking for. She wants to pick up where we left off 18 years ago but take it slowly, and get to know each other again. It sounds like we’re on the exact same page, so I guess I’m going steady with my high school girlfriend?
She also wanted me to not worry about the property – she offered to help me buy it if I needed to come up with the money quickly and that no matter what happened between us she didn’t want to see it broken up – that Joe meant too much to both of us to let that happen.
As kind as that was I went ahead called our local bank this morning to ask about getting a loan quickly if I needed one. The loan officer put me on hold when I explained the situation and the potential need to move quickly. He came back and said he had asked the bank president if there was any way they could help. He had been assured that there would be no issue securing any financing necessary. He asked the loan officer to pass along his condolences about Joe, he evidently had known him for a long time, and said that he was looking forward to meeting me soon.
This left me feeling much more comfortable going into the meeting with my family but nothing could have prepared me for the rest of the day. Now, if I’m being completely honest I really did feel like there was a good chance that Joe would leave the house and car to me simply because he didn’t have a relationship with anyone else in the family, I just didn’t want to make assumption and I didn’t feel like I was entitled to anything simply because of my relationship with Joe.
When I got to the firm’s offices I was shown in to their largest conference room. I was surprised to see several people there other than Joe’s attorney. My father was the only other person there when I arrived, he and the attorney were having a quiet conversation in at the head of the table but stopped when I walked in. Since I’m going to mention him frequently let’s just call Joe’s Attorney JA. JA introduced me to everyone in the room, which included a stenographer, an associate attorney, a gentleman he just referred to as an assistant brought in for the reading stood at the back of the room by the doors.
Now, readings themselves are a little uncommon these days, but still done on occasion (I typically do one or two a year), however I’ve never had anyone else in the room with me and thought this was very strange. I guess I must have been looking at JA with a funny expression because he just raised an eyebrow and shrugged. At about that time people started trickling in until 10:30 rolled around and JA stood and asked everyone to be seated. He then nodded to the gentleman that had been standing in the back who went to the doors where he closed and locked them.
In all there were 9 of us in the room, me, my father, his younger brother and oldest sister, my sister Sarah. Four of my cousins showed up, including my youngest, Emily who was one of the few people that I enjoyed seeing at family events. She’s creative and smart – she just graduated from high school and is getting ready to go to college. I was surprised that she came but I had spent a lot of time telling her about Joe over the last couple of years and had been hoping they’d get a chance to know each other now that she was older.
JA started speaking, thanking everyone for coming and sharing how much he was going to miss Joe, that he was more than a client, he was his oldest friend and he was glad to see at least a few family members come. About 10 minutes after 10:30 someone tried the door and found it locked. They started banging on it and the gentleman in the back quickly moved to open it and step outside. I could see my oldest brother and Aunt Debbie try to push in as he opened the door, only to be firmly moved back as he stepped outside to speak to them. JA stood quietly for a moment and everyone could hear raised voices coming through the heavy oak doors. I heard my brother say something to the effect of “this is bullshit” and Debbie started shrieking before it sounded like both of them were abruptly cut off. A moment later the doors re-opened and the gentleman came back in. Debbie and my brother were gone.
JA paused another moment and then carried on. He explained that Joe had instructed him to ensure that no one join after the meeting began – he told us he was now going to read a letter from Joe, this is a slightly edited copy of the letter he wrote that JA read from:
Thank you to those that showed up, since most of you never bothered to show up while I was alive I wasn’t sure you’d come today! Those that didn’t come, or couldn’t be bothered to on time aren’t missing anything since they aren’t going to be getting anything now anyway.
For the rest of you, thank you, no matter what your motivation was you at least showed up. I’ve left instructions for each of you to receive $100,000 as my final gift to the family. There are not stipulations and no conditions, have fun, do good, use it as your heart tells you. To those grand-nieces and nephews that are under the age of 18 and were not invited, I gift each of them $100,000, which will be held in trust until their 25th birthday.
(It was at this point that I knew something was up – Joe had just given away over a million dollars to people just for showing up on time. If everyone that had been invited had shown up it would have been over 2 million dollars – that was honestly more than I thought his entire estate would be worth.)
Family is important, something that has been lost of too many of you. Some of you got caught up the trappings that came from other people’s hard work, took for granted the efforts of your ancestors and squandered their gifts - and that’s what an inheritance is, a gift, not a right. You prioritized having fun over protecting the legacy so you could pass it on to the next generation.
Only one of you chose to put others before himself. Only one of you has shown respect and appreciation for the gifts of the land, the community that we live in, and the people that came before him, just as his namesake did.
Robert, I hope you’re here for this, we didn’t always agree, and I have so much regret about how our relationship went the wrong way, the fight with your father about his decisions and behavior, shouldn’t have become our fight as well. I want you to know how much I appreciate you bringing Alex into this family, for honoring my brother by passing on his name to him, and for allowing me to have a relationship with him. You’ll never know what that meant to me. I want you to know that I love you like a brother and wish I had tried harder to bridge the divide created by my relationship with your father while we still had time.
(I've never seen my father look so emotional. It was difficult to see the sadness in his eyes but I felt like I also saw pride. Watching him made me start to get emotional as well and I struggled to put my attention back on the reading)
With regard to the bulk of my estate, I leave all my possessions, the land, the house and its contents along with my investments and holdings to Alex. Alex, it will take time for you to go through everything and familiarize yourself with what this means. We’ve been planning this for almost 20 years, your training as a lawyer will be very helpful but pay attention to the advisors we’ve assembled. There will be decisions that must be made. I’ve asked (JA) to give you my journals, along with some thoughts I wanted to save just for you. Please read them and don’t feel like you’re intruding, they’re all that is left of me and I hope they’ll help guide you, my mistakes don’t have to be yours. Someday you may also want to share them with family, they are yours to do with as you wish, these too are part of my legacy.
Now, to the rest of the family, I know that you’ve sold off the land that my father left my brother and me. I know this because I’ve spent the last 50 years secretly buying up every acre you wanted to sell, or buying it back if I didn’t find out in time. I’ve preserved what you were willing to destroy and built on it. I know that most of you have very little left to pass on to your children. So, to you, my family, I leave a chance at a new legacy. I have established a family trust to be overseen and directed by Alex. The trust has been funded with $XX million dollars. It will be up to Alex to decide how the funds are used but he is to appoint a family board of advisors to help preserve our legacy.
Finally, I have established a community foundation, tasked with the mission of helping preserve the way of life that has made this valley special for hundreds of years. I’ve directed $XX million from the estate to create the initial fund but expect that others in the community will add to it. I’ve entrusted the responsibility to oversee this fund to Alex and a select group of community leaders. The others have already agreed to help and contribute, and I hope Alex will honor my wishes that he oversee the fund.
Alex, our family has been part of this valley for over 150 years. For all it has given to us it is now our responsibility to help sustain it and protect it. I know I can count on you to do everything you can to carry on this family’s legacy but beyond that, what I truly hope is that you don’t have to do it alone, as I did. You will always have my love, thank you for giving me yours.
JA looked up from the paper and for a heartbeat the silence was deafening, then the shouting began.
I’ve got to stop here – Sam is on her way and we have a lot to talk about. I was with the attorneys until 4pm. After all the drama unfolded (thank God my dad was there, and that Debbie didn’t show up on time) I still had to spend several hours with the attorneys. I’ll spend the weekend with the journals but I’m sure I’ll be hearing from family all weekend too. I might have to turn my phone off.
Part 2 will probably be tomorrow – I’m hoping to just decompress with Sam tonight. I need a break. Thank you everyone for the well wishes and the good thoughts.

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THIS!!
I am an EXTREMELY spiritual person who meditates more than a couple times a day, reads anything I can get my hands on to feed my soul and help my spiritually to flourish, and am a firm believer that all is one and the one are all.
About 6 months ago my awakening began. And since that time, I "see" an idea for a product that can be used to help so many. It involves the use of crystals for healing and how crystals can be applied directly on the skin to aid in this type of healing.
I want to emphasize that I am not looking for an investor, or someone to partner with. I do not have the background, knowledge, or means to put this into action, but I am sure that you, or others in your circles may have an interest in seeing where this could go. If I'm being honest, the potential here is quite profound.
Just as the spirit realm put it out into the ether, not caring who gets it, just so long that SOMEONE gets it... I am doing the same. I am passing it on to someone more capable than I am. And if you choose to pass, then please share it with someone else who may be willing to do the work to help the collective.
There is no patent, no rights, no ownership to be purchased, I just want it to be shared with everyone in whatever form that takes.
So let me share what I "see". First, I would like you to think about Tegaderm. If you don't know what I'm talking about, think about the clear film that holds IV catheters into place. It's creating a pouch or "pocket" of-sorts on the skin. Also, think about how the newer long term glucose monitors are held in place. Again, affixing a substantial item to the human body for long term use.
Okay, now, let's imagine that the "pocket" instead of being used to hold medical devices were used to hold Gaia's natural energy healers. Also imagine that the man-made film were replaced by a breathable organic material such as hemp, cotton or bamboo fabric. It should be breathable in order to prevent moisture from accumulating. I envision something ranging in size from 1.5" to 2" in diameter. With the outer edges being adhesive to hold the crystal in place directly on the skin.
And while I don't think there is anything wrong with medical grade adhesives like those used in products such as Tegaderm and the like, I always err to the side of "green" and would recommend natural organic adhesive solutions.
And then to go even further, these pouches if completely enclosed (sans adhesive) could be attached to elasticized "belts" for lack of a different word, which could go around the circumference of the body. The pouch itself could have a Velcro or alternative closure allowing the replacement of different crystals and stones.
A pouch like this would make the wear of small healing crystals directly over the chakra centers easy during sleep. As well as during the waking hours. Right now, you can only wear crystals with jewelry, or by placing them in your pocket or bra, or by placing them directly on the body while lying down.
I feel that we can let the crystals do their thang... while we are doing our thang.
There you have it. It's a simple solution to the application of crystals directly to the body. I just ask that you get to work on it, or share it. And maybe throw your girl a few of them once they are ready for the world.

Jack walked into the ship’s medical bay with his hands across his stomach, feeling like the damned thing was doing an entire circus’ worth of acrobatics, and a decided look of discomfort on his otherwise handsome face. The Jal’kek doctor, who looked a bit like a mythical Naga with a serpentine lower body and humanoid upper body covered in fine scales, must have thought Jack was pissed or something because he recoiled in terror briefly before composing himself and straightening.
“How can I help you,” he asked Jack smoothly, trying to hide his initial discomfort.
Jack didn’t hold it against him. Despite First Contact happening almost 25 years ago, he knew most species in the galaxy regarded humans with more than a little trepidation. Apart from Terra being classified as a “Deathworld,” humanity had made a name for itself in what was called, by humans, the First Contact War and by the rest of the galaxy as the Terran/Tal’check War. The Tal’check were an aggressive species and were only kept in check by the Galactic Federation, a group of 50 or so worlds determined to stop the Tal’check before they conquered the entire galaxy. Then Humanity stepped onto the stage.
Humans had been trying for decades to unlock the secrets of FTL travel but their lack of it didn’t keep them down. Luna was settled first, followed by Mars (mostly terraforming crews), then Venus and several of the larger asteroids that didn’t have high amounts of valuable minerals. There were teasing issues, as always happens with humans, but they were quickly solved diplomatically with the help of a rather forceful diplomat. The Terran Alliance was thus born. Eventually Terran scientists created the first successful warp drive and made contact with the Federation, which had grown to encompass almost a hundred worlds. First Contact with the Federation went surprisingly well despite the inherent terror most of the Federation species felt at encountering a predator species. First Contact with the Tal’check however, did not. The Tal’check hated humanity from the very first, for reasons no one could adequately explain, even the Tal’check, who set out to conquer Terra almost immediately.
Humanity fought back, naturally, and while their ships weren’t as sophisticated as the Tal’check ships, their captains were adaptable, innovative, and had far better training than their counterparts. The Tal’check, and the Federation for that matter, were used to fighting in a far more formal manner and their officers were exclusively from their society’s nobility rather than promoting those who were most capable.
The Battle of Jupiter was the war’s grand opening and the battle fleet the Tal’check had sent to conquer Terra was swiftly defeated with acceptable losses to the Terran Alliance. Most of the enemy ships were destroyed but more than a few were captured and while some were sent to the tech geeks, who were salivating at the chance to study them, most were retrofitted for human use and turned against their builders. The Federation offered assistance at first, which humanity gladly accepted, but after witnessing humanity’s ferocity and determination in battle, which the Federation ambassadors called insanity, they eventually withdrew their support. The human ambassador had just shrugged, told them that humanity didn’t really need their assistance anymore and went on to discuss a new trade deal as though nothing had happened. This disconcerted the Federation ambassadors a lot. They were disconcerted even more when, after just over a year of fighting, humanity conquered the Tal’check Empire in its entirety.
Rather than exterminate the whole race as the Federation had feared, humanity integrated them into its own alliance and now controlled a vast swath of territory and a military that dwarfed even the Federation. Not only that, but they had gained a reputation as fierce, if insane fighters.
Jack himself was about 6’ 2” with piercing green eyes, shockingly red hair cut in the traditional military manner and, unusually for a ginger, nicely tanned skin. The rolled-up sleeves of his uniform jacket were stretched tight over his biceps and looked as though they might rip with the slightest movement of his arms. He knew he intimidated most people, and most aliens found any human intimidating, so he paid the doctor’s reaction no mind.
“I was actually looking for Dr. Rodriguez,” Jack replied, referring to the human doctor who was part of his squad and had come on board with them when they had agreed to be security for this trip.
The Doctor, whose name was Chal, Jack remembered, looked a little disappointed, but then brightened.
“I’m afraid she went to get something to eat, but if it’s nothing too serious I’m sure I can handle it. I’ve been brushing up on human anatomy,” he said proudly.
Jack hesitated for a moment. Doctor Chal had sounded confident, but Jack had taken it about as well as someone saying they knew how to perform open heart surgery after watching a YouTube video. It didn’t exactly fill him with confidence to put it mildly. His stomach gave another flip and he grimaced.
“Ok,” he said at last and shuffled over to lay on one of the biobeds, whose monitors lit up and began to display his vitals as soon as he was settled.
Doctor Chal eagerly slithered over, a little too eagerly if you’d asked Jack, and pulled out a hand scanner. As he ran the scanner up and down Jack’s body, he glanced at the vitals monitors.
“Your vitals look good for the most part,” Doctor Chal said. “Heart rate and blood pressure are a little elevated, but I’m given to understand that that is normal for humans under these conditions.”
“Great, doc,” Jack said dryly. He knew Chal was trying to be reassuring but he was failing miserably and didn’t seem to recognize it.
After a few more passes with the scanner, Chal looked at the screen with a puzzled expression.
“Hmmm,” Chal said consideringly.
Like most humans, Jack really hated when most doctors did that.
“What,” Jack asked trying not to let his alarm show. “What’s hmmm?”
Chal seemed not to hear him for a minute before he replied in what Jack was sure he thought was a reassuring tone. Jack was anything but reassured. “Tell me, what was the last thing you ate?”
“A roast beef sandwich and a bag of potato chips?” Jack said, more like asked, confused.
“Is that a fairly normal meal for you?”
“Fairly normal, yeah. What’s wrong doc?”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” Chal said, patting him somewhat awkwardly on the head like Jack was some kind of pet. “I’m just going to go run these results through the computer really quick. I’m not entirely sure this scanner was properly calibrated for humans.”
He slithered away into his office before Jack could do more than blink stupidly at him. Jack felt like he’d been hit over the head with a hammer.
A few minutes later he heard, “Doctor Rodriguez please report to sick bay, Doctor Rodriguez, please report to sick bay,” come from outside. It was somewhat muffled by the closed sick bay doors, but it was distinct. Jack tried to breathe slowly as his mind raced with ever more terrible predictions of what was wrong with him.
An interminable amount of time later, the doors to sick bay wooshed open and the tall form of Doctor Rodriguez strolled into the room. She had long black hair, beautiful brown eyes that usually sparkled with humor when off duty, and curves in all the right places. Her skin was that amazing bronze color everyone of South American descent seemed to possess and while her chest wasn’t huge, Jack knew his sister would be jealous of it. If he swung that way, Jack would probably try to hit on her and be shot down as viciously as she shot down everyone on the team who had tried. The veterans on the squad knew better.
She glanced at him lying on the biobed and stopped, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Stevenson,” she said knowingly, her voice like ice. She walked over to the biobed as she kept talking and stopped beside it. “I should have known. What did you do this time?”
“I have no idea.”
She gave him a look that said, just how stupid do you think I am?
“Scout’s honor,” he said innocently, holding up three fingers.
She huffed in amusement. “Like you were ever a scout.”
“Doctor Rodriguez,” Doctor Chal said leaning out of his office door. When she looked up at him, he continued. “Could I speak to you for a moment?”
She frowned but nodded and patted Jack on the shoulder before going into the office. Jack hadn’t even had time to say that he had, in fact, been a scout, if briefly.
A few minutes later, Doctor Rodriguez came back out and stood beside his biobed. She was rubbing her forehead, which did nothing to help Jack’s nerves. He knew she thought him a bit of a clutz with the number of times she’d had to patch up his minor, and not so minor, wounds. Most of which were self-inflicted.
“OK Stevenson,” she said putting her hands on her hips. “Just what the hell was on that sandwich?”
Jack was taken aback and slightly confused by her question. “Ummm, mayo, two slices of roast beef, provolone cheese, and some mustard. Why?”
“And the chips,” she asked, ignoring his question.
“Sour cream and onion.”
She stood there for a minute thinking, then sighed. “Somehow, you’ve picked up some kind of parasite. The readings are a bit off, so Doctor Chal is still going through them, but it looks like we may have to do surgery to remove it.”
Jack sighed and fell back onto his pillow. “Great,” he said dry as dust.
“You’re telling me,” Rodriguez replied. “It seems…”
Before she could continue, Doctor Chal slithered up next to her, a strange look on his face.
“What is it doc?” Jack asked his concern rising again.
“Is there some kind of complication?” Rodriguez asked in a defeated sort of way. Her face conveyed that she wouldn’t be surprised considering the patient.
“Some kind, yes,” Chal replied nervously. “I’m really not sure how to…put this. Normally it would be good news, but…”
When he didn’t seem inclined to continue, even with both humans staring at him expectantly, Doctor Rodriguez exclaimed, “Spit it out already!”
The doctor looked at Jack and tried to smile.
“Congratulations PFC! You’re pregnant!” he said in a jovial tone.
In the stunned silence that followed, a pin was heard hitting the floor somewhere.
…
It was chaos in sick bay for a while after that. Jack contacted his husband, who was also on the squad, and he came bursting into sick bay demanding answers as he rushed up to Jack on the biobed and grabbed his hand. Regulations being what they were, the ship’s captain and Jack’s CO were also summoned to sick bay. Other crew members had heard that something was going on and a few of them came to sick bay to see what all the fuss was about. They were quickly kicked out. Rumors started among the crew ranging from the dangerous to the idiotic as rumors so often do. It was only when everyone was assembled and Doctor Rodriguez had explained what was going on that silence fell again, if only briefly.
“WHAT?!” Roger yelped, his voice a little higher than he would have liked under normal circumstances. These were decidedly not normal circumstances.
“How,” several voices asked at the same time including Captain Finnegan, Jack’s CO. Captain Finnegan had seen a lot in her time in the Terran Alliance Space Navy, but this was a first for her. She kept her red hair cut short enough that the natural curls wouldn’t show, and she was the kind of pale that burned in the barest amount of sunlight but never tanned. Her green eyes were normally stern with just a hint of mischief, but all they showed now was confusion. And probably more than a little humor. It might have been a serious situation, and one of her soldiers may be in serious trouble, but she couldn’t help but find a little humor in it. Hell, if Doctor Rodriguez was any indication, she wasn’t the only one to see the humor in it, but they were both hiding it well. Some of the junior officers weren’t doing such a good job and she saw PFC Stevenson shoot a couple of them glares every now and then. She suspected Specialist Singh was recording the whole scenario on his implants, but she couldn’t be sure. She wasn’t even sure what he was doing there, but no one had told him to leave, or seemed to know when he’d even entered the room, so she didn’t give it much thought.
“I am unsure as to the how,” Doctor Chal replied looking up from a pad, and trying not to appear nervous in front of so many agitated humans. “From my studies, I understand human males are not the ones to carry the children in your species, yes?”
“That’s correct,” Doctor Rodriguez replied. “Human females, such as myself and Captain Finnegan, are typically the ones to carry and birth our young. Males don’t have the anatomy to give birth.”
Captain Finnegan shuddered at the thought of having kids. She was career military through and through. While she wasn’t opposed to the occasional romp while on leave, she preferred children be kept as far away from her as possible. On the other side of the galaxy perhaps. Or even better, in a different galaxy altogether. If they had to be near her, she preferred that they be poached and served on toast with a side of bacon.
Doctor Chal nodded in understanding. “As I said, I am unsure how this happened, but I have a theory.”
“Which is,” Rodriguez asked when Chal’s pause went on a tad too long for her liking.
“The scans reveal that the…fetus has half human, half Glorn DNA,” Chal said slowly. “I don’t know how much you know about the Glorn, but their home world has high levels of various acids. As a result, their reproductive systems involve acid, specifically hydrochloric acid…”
“The same kind of acid as human stomach acid,” Rodriguez asked somewhat incredulously.
“Exactly. In fact, the human digestive system is surprisingly similar to the Glorn reproductive system.”
“Similar how,” Jack asked, curious despite himself. Rodriguez seemed fascinated as well.
“Well…” Chal began. “A Glorn’s womb is built much like your stomachs, very similar in fact. Now that I think about it, their similarities would be a great subject for a study on…”
“Doctor,” Rodriguez exclaimed, throwing her hands up and looking at the ceiling in exasperation. Chal recoiled in terror reflexively before he composed himself. She put her hands on her hips and looked directly at Chal. “We can discuss a paper on cross-species similarities later. How about we get back on track?”
“Right,” Chal said, chastened. “The Glorn are a single sex species and only produce their sex cells when they go into heat once a month, which is actually about two human months. During reproduction, the…receptive Glorn takes the other’s penis into their mouth and…um…stimulates it to release. A valve in the throat ensures that the ejaculate enters the reproductive system instead of the digestive. The sex cells, which are closer to human egg cells than sperm, take in DNA from the cells of the throat as they pass through and the fertilized embryo, or sometimes embryos, then settle in the womb. The acids in the womb bring in nutrients from the stomach, which get absorbed through the protective layers the embryo develops. After gestation, birth proceeds much as it does for humans.”
Doctor Chal finished his speech and looked around at the humans with a somewhat satisfied expression on his face. It quickly turned into worry as he looked at the stunned humans around him.
“Are…are you saying,” Specialist Singh asked, clearly trying to hold back laughter. “Are you saying that the Glorn reproduce via blowjob?”
As the non-humans in the room consulted their implants to figure out what he meant, some of the humans guffawed, some laughed outright, and a few coughed trying to hide their laughter. Captain Finnegan coughed into her hand a couple times, getting her own laughter under control. She couldn’t help the smile on her face though. As she looked at the biobed, she saw PFC Stevenson looking a little green. His husband, Corporal Huxley, looked like he could shit a brick. The two seemed to have a quick conversation through their implants while everyone around them tried to gather themselves.
“It’s a damn good thing humans don’t reproduce that way,” Rodriguez mutters to herself. “Gay men alone would make the population growth unsustainable, even with all the habitable planets in the galaxy.”
Captain Finnegan coughs into her hand again.
“If I understand your terminology correctly,” Doctor Chal says after a moment. “Then yes. Fortunately, there is only one Glorn aboard the ship at the moment, Weapons-master Krulmash, so the identity of the…other father, isn’t in question.”
“BUT I DIDN’T SUCK HIM OFF!” Jack yelled. “I’ve never even talked to him!”
He sounded near tears as he stared into Rodger’s eyes, begging him to believe him. Rodger stared back; expression unreadable. Everyone went quiet as they waited with bated breath. Finally, Rodger let out a sigh and kissed Jack on the forehead.
“I believe you,” he whispered to Jack. “It’s ok baby. We’ll figure this out.”
Jack let out a sob and curled into Rodger’s arms, crying in relief.
“If you did not willingly preform this act with Weapons-master Krulmash, then we must find out how this happened.”
“I have sent a quiet summons to the Weapons-master to report here at once,” came the captain’s watery sounding voice. The captain was a Mabon, an amphibious species that looked a bit like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. “He’s on his way.”
“What’s the gestation rate for a Glorn,” Doctor Rodriguez asked.
“Typically, only about six human hours,” Doctor Chal replied. “The human DNA has slowed things significantly,” he added hastily at seeing her look of alarm. “We have another three hours or so before we need to operate. If necessary, we can remove the fetus in two hours and place it in an incubation chamber.”
“We can’t just cut into his stomach,” Doctor Rodriguez said. “Doing a C-section on a woman is one thing but this…”
“I’ve already considered that,” Doctor Chal replied calmly. “Which is why I sent for Engineer Veela.” He waved over a tall creature with four arms that vaguely resembled a stick covered in brown fur. It’s four eyes gleamed with mirth and Doctor Rodriguez noticed a toolbelt slung around where the creature’s waist might be if it had one she could discern.
“I’ve gotta admit,” it said in a high-pitched voice. “You doctors sure know how to put on a good show. My nest-mates will find this whole thing hysterical!”
“I’m sure they will,” Doctor Chal said genially before Doctor Rodriguez could reply. “Engineer, is it possible to use the sick bay transporter to transport something out of a living body?”
Doctor Rodriguez gave Doctor Chal a sharp look. “You want to use the sick bay transporter to teleport the baby out of Stevenson? Is that even safe?”
“Oh sure,” the engineer said with far more ease than Doctor Rodriguez was comfortable with. “If I can get the sensors tuned correctly it should be safe enough.”
“If? Should be?” Doctor Rodriguez exclaimed, her eyes bulging. “There are two lives at stake here. “If” isn’t good enough.”
“Relax doc,” the engineer said holding up one hand to forestall anymore of Doctor Rodriguez’s tirade. It used another hand to pull what looked suspiciously like a wrench out of its toolbelt. “I’ve got this.”
Without another word, the engineer walked over to a console and began removing a panel from its side.
Before Doctor Rodriguez could say anything, the sick bay doors wooshed open again and in walked a creature that looked vaguely human but had giant bat like ears sticking out to the sides of its head. Its skin was a dark brown color and bulged here and there with muscle. The Glorn Weapons-master towered over most of the others in the room. Only Corporal Huxley stood as tall as Kurlmash and he glared at the Glorn as it stepped into the room.
Kurlmash ignored him, walked up to the captain, saluted and said, “Weapons-master Kurlmash reporting as ordered sir.”
The captain returned the salute and opened his mouth to speak, but the Corporal beat him to it.
“What the FUCK have you done to my husband, you bastard,” Corporal Huxley yelled at him.
“I…I don’t understand,” he replied taking a step back in shock.
“It seems Weapons-master,” the captain replied calmly. “That you have somehow impregnated young, PFC Stevenson here. We are all keen to know how this has happened. Especially since the PFC claims that you two have not been…intimate.”
“We haven’t,” Kurlmash said in surprise. “Pregnant? Are you sure? Are you sure it’s mine?”
His last question was almost hopeful, and the Corporal’s shoulders eased a bit.
“The DNA scans are rather conclusive,” Doctor Chal answered. “If you two have not been intimate then we must figure out how this happened.”
“You said that Glorn only produce sex cells during their heat cycles,” Doctor Rodriguez asked Doctor Chal who nodded in assent. She turned to Kurlmash. “Which means you either just went through a heat cycle or are in one right know.”
“It ended yesterday,” he said nodding. “Doctor Chal was storing my seed for me so my mate could use it to become pregnant upon our return to base.”
“You missed your last appointment, as I recall,” Doctor Chal said.
“I overheard one of the engineers talking about a problem with a freezer. I thought he was talking about the sick bay freezers. I was going to call you about it until I found the container you were using,” Kurlmash replied sounding puzzled.
Both doctors looked at each other in bewilderment. Doctor Chal slithered over to a wall and opened a door, taking out a plastic cylindrical container that had a cone shaped opening at the top. The clear plastic showed the yellow contents of the container clearly.
“There was no issue with the sick bay freezers,” Doctor Chal said. “I’ve had it here the whole time.”
“May I see that,” Doctor Rodriguez asked, a look of puzzled curiosity on her face as she held out her hand. Doctor Chal handed it over and Rodriguez inspected it carefully. To everyone’s shock, she opened the lid and took a sniff. “Smells like…” she began and then stopped, a look of dawning horror washing over her face. She quickly replaced the lid before turning to Stevenson who was watching her warily, one of Rodger’s arms over his shoulders.
“You said you put mustard on your sandwich,” she asked him. He just nodded. “Did it happen to be in something that looked like this?” She held up the container.
All the humans in the room stared at the little container, the very familiar looking container. They had all seen one just like it before, had all used one, sometimes two before. The container in Doctor Rodriguez’s hand looked very much like a plastic ketchup, or in this case, mustard container one might find in any human restaurant.
“Dude,” Jack yelled at the top of his voice. “You jerked off into my mustard?!”
Once again, the non-humans in the room consulted their implants while the humans variously tried to stifle their laughter or not throw up.
“I…I don’t…What is mustard,” Kurlmash asks helplessly.
“It’s…” Rodriguez starts.
“Not fucking important,” Jack exclaims. “You went into my fucking food and jerked off into it! You…you impregnated me! Against my will! Without my knowledge! You violated me! I should wring your fucking neck!”
He tried getting up from the biobed, the look on his face downright murderous, but Rodger held him down, surprise clear on his face.
“Baby. Baby look at me,” he said, his voice calm. When Jack looked at him, Rodger smiled. “It’s ok. I’m right here. Everything will be ok.”
They stared at each other for a minute before Jack broke down again crying and Rodger wrapped his arms around him.
“What is wrong with him,” Captain Finnegan muttered to herself.
“Pregnant,” Doctor Rodriguez whispered to her.
Captain Finnegan jumped and looked at the doctor. When had she gotten so close? Then she turned back to look at Jack and noticed his swollen stomach. Right. The man was pregnant. That was going to take some getting used to.
“Is this normal for pregnant humans,” Kurlmash asked Doctor Rodriguez who nodded.
“Pretty normal, yeah,” she replied thoughtfully. “For human women anyway. Human men don’t normally get pregnant.”
“Ah. I see. So, the death threats are because he’s male?”
“HA! No. Human females will issue death threats too. Usually during labor, along with threatening to cut off the male reproductive organs if they ever come near them again. Fairly standard.”
“I see,” Kurlmash said looking worried.
“What? Pregnant Glorn don’t have mood swings or make threats?”
“No, they have mood swings, as you call them, but I’ve never heard of one making such threats before.”
“Probably because they don’t spend nine months carrying the kid only to be put through agony, sometimes for days, just to give birth,” Captain Finnegan snorted.
“Nine months? Days?” Kurlmash looked even more worried now and he glanced at the biobed.
“Don’t worry,” Doctor Rodriguez told him. “This pregnancy may be a little slower than what you’re used to, but this baby will be here by the end of the day.” She frowned. “Or not.”
She walked up to the biobed and placed a gentle hand on Jack’s shoulder. He looked up at her, his eyes wet and red.
“I’m sorry,” she said kindly. “But no one has asked...and…well…do you even want this baby? It’s not too late to abort.”
Jack stared at her in shock, though she didn’t think it was for the suggestion. She thought it was more because he hadn’t thought of it either.
“I could do that, couldn’t I?”
Doctor Rodriguez shrugged. “Your body, your choice. That’s Terran Alliance law.”
Jack looked to his husband. “What do you think?”
“What are the risks,” Corporal Huxley asked her.
“At a guess, because this an entirely new situation and we have zero idea about anything, I’d say probably the same as the pregnancy itself. I’ve been watching his vitals and as the pregnancy develops, more and more strain is being put onto Jack’s body. A body that was not designed for it. I think he may be able to carry the baby to term, but that’s just a guess. Any pregnancy has its risks, and this is a whole new type of crazy. I have no idea what could happen.”
Rodger looked back at Jack. “Your choice my love. I’ll support your decision; unless it looks like I’ll lose you. I won’t do that. I love you too much, searched for you for too long, to risk losing you.”
“I love you too,” Jack said and the two kissed. And kissed. And kept kissing. Just when things were about to turn awkward, Doctor Rodriguez cleared her throat and the two separated, breathing hard.
“So, does that mean you’re keeping the baby,” Doctor Rodriguez asked.
“Please,” Weapons-master Kurlmash said, and they all turned to face him. He wrung his hands and stared at Jack with a longing look. “I realize I have no right to ask this of you, given the…less than ideal circumstances, but please. My mate and I have been trying to have a child for a long time and, I would really like to start a family.”
“Are you sure they’d be ok with a half human child?” Corporal Huxley asked seriously.
“It…will take some explaining,” Kurlmash admitted. “And probably some time to get used to the idea, but I’m sure the four of us can make it work.”
He stared at them hopefully and eventually Jack nodded.
“Alright doc. Looks like we’re having a baby. But if it looks like I might…ya know…die? Well, don’t let that happen. Dying in combat is one thing. Dying in childbirth? My mother would never let me hear the end of it.”
Rodger snorted. “She may not let you hear the end of it anyway. Not to mention your dad…”
“Please don’t,” Jack said with a groan. “Don’t suppose there’s any way we can just…not tell them?”
Rodger gave him a look and he groaned again. “You’re right.”
“I’m afraid it gets worse, PFC,” Captain Finnegan said with a slight wince. “I’m going to need to file a report with Alliance command. To apprise them of the situation. Alliance medical is probably going to want to know too.”
It was Doctor Rodriguez’s turn to groan. “Fuck! They are going to want to know. Every. Single. Detail. I’m going to be in meetings about this for years!”
She glared at the three prospective parents. “The three of you are officially on my shit list,” she said before angrily turning to talk to Doctor Chal. “We’d better make sure this goes smoothly. The less I have to put into this report the better. I hate paperwork!”

It has been a super long journey 1.5 years +++ approx - definitely not your waltz through the dance floor kinda experience … Aside from GRE, I was fighting through a lot of family stuff like my parents having cancer, a escalation/hospitalisation and death that happened very near my exam day (literally hours before) on top of a full-time job, a tutor and ex who said I am not cut out for GRE.
Despite what the naysayers had to say and the many hurdles life threw me, I managed to overcome this after ~435 days approx. I will outline my stats, resources used interspersed with my journey and finally what I personally found were helpful.

Stats

Type	Date	Score
GMAT Mock 1	Mid Sept 2022	baseline 560
GMAT Mock 2	Nov 2022	570 v27 q42
GRE Baseline Test	end 2022/early 2023	v154 q162
(old) PPP1	~24 Jul 2023	v159 q165
(old) real GRE	11 Aug 2023	v154 q164
real GRE	11 Sept 2023	v158 q157
real GRE	11 Dec 2023	v160 q165
real GRE	25 Jan 2024	v159 q163
(longer) PPP3	24 Mar 2024	v162 q169
real GRE	End May 2024	v166 q165

Resources

Official Guide to the GRE Official GRE Quantitative Reasoning Book Official GRE Verbal Reasoning Book GRE Big Book GregMat PrepSwift TTP Manhattan 5lb for Quant

Journey

Around Sept/Nov 2022

So I started off in GMAT land with a baseline score of 560 and I was quickly made aware of how far I am away I was from the desired 700-730s. I engaged a private tutor (recommended by a friend) - this tutor advised that I should consider switching to GRE but this tutor (not going to say who) said I can’t break 160 in verbal because I was not born in America and I naturally had limited opportunities and experience with the way Americans used English and it’s just the unfortunate truth that "I am not seeing how you can possibly get 160". I swear I cried just sharing that with a close friend, moments after receiving my final 331. And how that felt so similarly painful when my ex who told me I am not academically inclined and shouldn’t bother much with GRE. And I should have just studied abroad when younger instead of doing it now. I remember crying on the bus back home that day. This sadness compounded the frustration of plateauing at 570 in GMAT.

End 2022/Early 2023

So I got quite pensive and decided to switch to GRE. I took a baseline test and got a v154 q162. I was slightly heartened by my quant but I was very aware of the chasm I need to cross for Verbal. It was clearly not trivial given that I then set a goal for a v160 q168 approx.
I quickly started off with the 1-month plan of GregMat which became more like a 3-4 month plan. I have to qualify that a lot of that (unforeseen extension in time) was due to my own learning pace, studying nature, not the platform. For instance, I recalled wanting to go deeper in TC SE Skills. I had to search through the website for specific videos/series on it and complete the questions. Replay the explanations if not clear. Partake in classes. When I mean partake, I mean not sit back with my popcorn and chill. But more like actually do the questions, and write and/or talk out the process and be prepared to TALK IN CLASS. Even though it may seem daunting to some, it quickly shown me how a student like me approached a seemingly simple inference question and how Vince/Greg would approach it.

mid Jul/Aug 2023

So I leafed through the 1-month + other miscellaneous videos on GregMat and I got a v159 q165 around end Jul 2023 in PPP1 (old). l I was slightly happy but still had to ground myself to trudge on. We are nowhere near the end.
I think I reviewed Vince notes and resources and reviewed my mistake and weak areas and I took the first and old real GRE i got v154 q164 in Aug. I was abit saddened by quant. I decided to continue reviewing / working through the Big Book RC passages, OG Guides and all. I always tried to tell myself to be intentional with skills. But looking back, I do not have good justification for answers or reasons for eliminating answers. Maybe a sloppy attempt to just solve and get it done... I recall doing questions in the dining hall, with my parents watching TV. Sometimes I would get distracted by the TV or them or worries about their health or whether there was ample food for them. Unrelated things to GRE basically.

Sept 2023

After reviewing my errors and locking myself in a room and really shutting away distractions, I retook the exam and got a v158 q157. Damn I was super tired with FOUR hours of sleep. It was a very painful lesson. I swear I never felt so enervated. And I was not used to the new GRE format. I decided to acknowledge my poor performance and that I have to try to figure out how I should have approach this test better. This time round I decided to be real with myself.
I separated foundation/skills/strat practice as untimed and test taking practice as timed. I also decided to first do a day with Verbal, next day with Quant. No switching around so easily within a day. Be comfortable with one beast per day first.
For Verbal, I recalled really going through my TC Logic very intentionally attacking from two sides. Really write it out. RC. Unpack the text by stating the function and simplified the text. When eliminating options - state a concrete reason why. Choose an option? - ok state why. It was very tiring to ensure I did it right. and I joined an online discord group. Everyday without fail - I or one of us would be like "hey wanna do some questions?" And I would stay back in office to work through verbal passages and TCs with glass(es) of coffee. I emphasised those more as my SE was slightly better. Again personal situation that may not apply to you.
I hunkered on until Dec 2023. While everyone was on dates, celebrating with family, I studied and reviewed and truly ensured I had enough sleep. Work was naturally at a lull period. I took the test and was elated to be at v160 q165. I was so happy to hit v160. It was unreal. Shortly after, I took my first vacation (in a few years) to accompany my old parents for their trip. I was studying and checking into that online discord group to discuss questions the minute I got back to hotel, even using the plane wifi to and fro. Strangely, by being out from the bustling and hustling city, the tranquil vibes calm my brain down and I was able to see more clearly my gaps. I was not very compliant at TC and very limited in the way I solve Quant. More needs to be done.

2024

Usher in the new year, also was the year both my parents' health aggravated. This unfortunately took a bigger toll on my bandwidth. I recall receiving the news a day before my fourth attempt in end Jan v159 q163. I recalled seeing my dad in the hospital bedridden and me thinking if he would live to see me successfully complete the GRE. Subconsciously I have to concede I was not my best self on test day. My mind would wander off to my parents and other life worries.
I also caught myself reflecting on several conversations I had with Greg ( u/gregmat ) . Whilst I cannot pinpoint the specific session/time, but I do recall breaking down with that pent-up frustration combined with stress overflowing. I supposed I was trying to worry about my GRE Score, General Applications, Essays, Recommendations and I shared those worries with him (Sorry Greg for oversharing and breaking down lol even though I know you are not a therapist lol) And that several people did not think I could make it in GRE lol. I supposed the weight of my parents' health also compounded the entire burden on my shoulders. One key thing he said was, think ONE STEP AT THE TIME. "This is very left foot first then right foot next. and you are moving too many pieces at the time". I reflected about it and decided to bring a lot more focus into doing things one step at a time and not everything at a go. Perhaps you will see this echoed in some parts of the way I approached the GRE.
Sometime in early 2024, I spoke to Axel (of GregMat). Huge thanks to this guy for sharing with me your anki deck and real details on study plans. Like realistic details including your gym plans. I realised my vocab is not so clean. Foundation also getting tad bit rusty. I took your advice to the core and enlisted a trainer who taught me how to diet and lift weights properly. I would also clock down my sleep to 7/8 hours minimum. And report back to my trainer. I also decided to do that seeing how another uni friend lost 18kg and how his life is very much changed after that weight loss and diet change. I thought - oh shit - what did I get myself into - dieting and GRE at the same time??
Ironically it made my mind so much lighter - I can think so fast. It was insane. And I also revised GregMat vocab and quant videos while exercising. I literally was rewatching and reviewing some prepswift videos while running and truly engaging with it. So much so that I really am not aware who else is at the gym. I also did do the plan I mindmapped with Axel, tailored to my situation. I really pondered for a few days and made changes. And the diet did wonders - I ate super clean and my mind was flying so fast and I could think so clearly even without milk/caffeine/bad carbs/white rice. It’s incredible how I feel healthier yet more productive. Thank you Axel for the real sharing.
I also did a session with Leaderboard ( u/Leaderboard ). He was a sharp observer and he really analyzed my quant test taking behaviours and for brutally calling me out on how silly I was making mistakes on certain easier questions or being too “laborious” and also echoing earlier GregMat individuals who tell me to take it twice and even review my seemingly solid answers on seemingly easy questions. I really reflected despite it being one or two sessions. I told myself to be able to slice a question by more than one ways. If it is too laborious - redo find an easier way. Always challenge myself to review / redo the question in timed conditions.
Ganesh ( u/ganeshh123 ) - I worked with this man since mid 2023 - He is a pivotal factor to my success. I can tell you he is a fantastic tutor. my rock. Without his calming voice and his genuine care and belief that I could do it - despite the many spinning plates on top of being the sole care taker for my parents, a full time job and house chores - he always calmly explains where I went wrong in verbal and how I should have better applied the skills. He truly comes down to the students level and teaches it with a “beginner lens” not like bombard you with arcane details or high sounding things. He is truly an asset and his patience and dedication is truly inspirational. I don’t think I would have picked myself up after my earlier attempts without him.

Majority of my prep (specifics):

Quant - Foundation:

I worked through all of Prepswift including Tickbox quizzes as well as the basics quizzes and the TTP chapter tests. These were very useful in exposing gaps in foundation. It is very important to ensure your foundation is solid before problem solving.

Quant - Strategy:

I did every single question on GregMat Quant Portal (Easy-Med-Hard, not Extreme). I tried to solve every problem with multiple strategies. E.g. Choosing Numbers, Backsolving, Manipulating QC etc.

Quant - Time Management:

I made timed practice set using PPT with GregMat, Big Book, PPP etc to mirror the real GRE format. I worked my way up slowly from with untimed then timed then bring the time down to make timed practice less intimidating. Doing this helps me to figure out what to solve and what to skip first. This can only be learnt from practice.

Verbal - Vocab:

I used the Anki Deck (as per advice that worked for Axel). I also went through it over breakfast or lunch every day or other day. I also swiped through Magoosh Vocab on the way to work or exercise or in public transport etc. I also listened to the prepswift quick vocab videos while exercising 1-2 weeks before my exam. While practising questions, if I do not know any words, I would add them to my anki deck.

Verbal - Strategy:

- For TC, I worked alot on applying logic in terms of seeing sentences as blocks (idea chunks), simplifying then finding relative support/contrast amongst phrases/ideas not just words then predict words before looking at questions. And trying to be extremely binary when selecting answers - being able to provide clear answers why each answer is correct vs why each answer is wrong. - For SE, I worked alot on expanding my vocab knowledge and being aware of secondary meanings/nuances. Being good at pairing as well. I practised doing pairing drill on gregmat skillbuilding as well as looking at answer choices for ETS SE Questions. - For RC, I believe engaging with the passage and pretending like the author is your friend who is talking to you is quite key. Understanding WHO exactly is saying what. E.g. What the author thinks/says vs What Party A says vs Party B across WHEN. Prior to my tests, I also did drills for different skills like simplifying sentences, finding main idea/primary purpose of the passage. I also practised attack on two sides quite alot like eliminating what did not make sense with reason and justifying my answers. I personally think the HARDEST skill was inference - because the answer is not explicitly there - so I attempt to rephrase question, understand key word in question, find the relevant evidence then see with each option, where the evidence holds water against.

Verbal - Time Management:

This was personally the hardest for me. But I adhered to Greg's advice: SE -> TC -> RC. I also realised because the RC passages tend to take alot of time / I tend to have preference for certain genres. I try to stay abreast to various genres and pick different passages, even if they were not my favorites. Skipping - I also had to skip on questions that I do not understand the question or I know the ROI is lower (e.g. CR).

Other things that I did that I found helpful:

• I am very inspired (in fact I re read this post many times) -https://www.reddit.com/GRE/comments/lww9hk/finally_retiring_from_the_gre_after_5_writings/?rdt=41007
• Thought about what applied to me and what I should have done better. Spoke to alot of friends online for kind words. Huge thanks for advice and encouragement
• Quant Wall - like the girl above: My whole door and wall is filled with A3 Quant mindmaps. It was my bible since mid 2023 till the point I take exam. Whenever I took a stroll, I read Quant Wall and strat.
• Verbal - I would go through Magoosh App while going to work. Watch Vocab Videos on Prepswift in Gym. Be able to articulate and practise every skill.
• On test day, I thought I screwed it with 5 marked questions in Quant Section 1 and another 5 in Verbal. And the questions seems deceptively easy on the subsequent sections. I decided to hold off the negative/evaluative thoughts. Discipline my mind and focus on being binary. What made things worse was someone in my family just passed on literally hours before my exam. There was a very solemn and sombre mood - I decided to engage those mental muscles I learnt from exercise. Compartmentalise those out and focus on GRE. Period. AND most importantly, reviewing every qn as a way to do the test TWICE.

Lo and behold. I really reviewed every questions albeit at faster lightning speeds on the final exam for verbal and quant. The sleep + diet + intentional timetabling I did => gave unreal results even though they are so often neglected. Hope this helps who are still journeying on GRE. Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot do something.

I am an EXTREMELY spiritual person who meditates more than a couple times a day, reads anything I can get my hands on to feed my soul and help my spiritually to flourish, and am a firm believer that all is one and the one are all.
About 6 months ago my awakening began. And since that time, I "see" an idea for a product that can be used to help so many. It involves the use of crystals for healing and how crystals can be applied directly on the skin to aid in this type of healing.
I want to emphasize that I am not looking for an investor, or someone to partner with. I do not have the background, knowledge, or means to put this into action, but I am sure that you, or others in your circles may have an interest in seeing where this could go. If I'm being honest, the potential here is quite profound.
Just as the spirit realm put it out into the ether, not caring who gets it, just so long that SOMEONE gets it... I am doing the same. I am passing it on to someone more capable than I am. And if you choose to pass, then please share it with someone else who may be willing to do the work to help the collective.
There is no patent, no rights, no ownership to be purchased, I just want it to be shared with everyone in whatever form that takes.
So let me share what I "see"...
First, I would like you to think about Tegaderm. If you don't know what I'm talking about, think about the clear film that holds IV catheters into place. It's creating a pouch or "pocket" of-sorts on the skin. Also, think about how the newer long term glucose monitors are held in place. Again, affixing a substantial item to the human body for long term use.
Okay, now, let's imagine that the "pocket" instead of being used to hold medical devices were used to hold Gaia's natural energy healers. Also imagine that the man-made film were replaced by a breathable organic material such as hemp, cotton or bamboo fabric. It should be breathable in order to prevent moisture from accumulating. I envision something ranging in size from 1.5" to 2" in diameter. With the outer edges being adhesive to hold the crystal in place directly on the skin over chakra centers.
And while I don't think there is anything wrong with medical grade adhesives like those used in products such as Tegaderm and the like, I always err to the side of "green" and would recommend natural organic adhesive solutions.
And then to go even further, these pouches if completely enclosed (sans adhesive) could be attached to elasticized "belts" for lack of a different word, which could go around the circumference of the body. The pouch itself could have a Velcro or alternative closure allowing the replacement of different crystals and stones.
A pouch like this would make the wear of small healing crystals directly over the chakra centers easy during sleep. As well as during the waking hours. Right now, you can only wear crystals with jewelry, or by placing them in your pocket or bra, or by placing them directly on the body while lying down.
I feel that we can let the crystals do their thang... while we are doing our thang.
There you have it. It's a simple solution to the application of crystals directly to the body. I just ask that you share it. And maybe throw me a few of them once they are ready for the world.

I reluctantly got the $10 YouTube membership (was planning on cancelling after a month of sampling) but was blown away by the amount of detail, specificity, and knowledge that Dr.K shares in such an understandable way. The skill-ceiling of understanding is so high, the effort and care Dr.K puts into the content is amazing, and the inclusion of Slido QnA is a genius way to make sure people actually understand.
I'm currently taking notes on Detachment pt 2, and BOY IT IS MEATY. He starts by explaining that desire is a mentally unsatisfied void-gap between "I have __ " vs "I don't have ___" that trigger from attachment-sensory-stimuli. He then talks about how happiness is mental one-pointed 'isness', while unhappiness is mental activity of unfulfilled have-gaps (fractures 'isness'). He then defines detachment as being-happy/accepting regardless of what circumstance-stimuli comes, while attachment is biasedly being-happy/accepting specific stimuli while rejecting unwanted stimuli. Attachment is SIMPLY misbelieving that "having a [particular external thing] makes me internally happy and lacking that [particular external thing] keeps me internally unhappy], so we chase new external things to experience the old happiness in a diminishing way. The rest of the lecture talks about how perception and ego get affected by attachment, with our perceptions interpretation filling ambiguity with attachments, and ego being the root of wanting external things (or more specifically, insecurities of 'wanting to be someone that has those things') The coconut analogy at the end amazingly tied everything together too (if you know, you know)
I'm still taking notes on it to this day despite watching it weeks ago, but it's revealing so much about myself. I never realized how much I "wanted to be someone that ..." instead of accepting regardless, and the reasons why I'm attached have a near endless exploration. Even socially, it's so much easier to have meaningful conversations with others now that I can see how their attachments bias their perceptions, making them biasedly jump to interpretations of any ambiguity.
The only feedback of improvement I can give is that, for kapha people like me (who really take a while to thoroughly grasp the concepts and manipulate information into understanding) it would be nice if the monthly QnA session was maybe moved or recreated again specifically for older topics, instead of being limited to that month. Because I have so many questions about detachment now, and I'm worried they'll never get around to being answered since we've moved on to other topics.

What I noticed during my dad’s several week long stay at our house lately:

• he has problems understanding social cues. Example: he talks endlessly and basically never stops. But it doesn’t even matter if you react to it. He doesn’t get when someone is not interested in continuing the conversation.
  
• he talks about every detail he sees. For example, he sits in the car and comments on every road block, street sign, color, the most meaningless things - without a pause! For hours! Or talks about meaningless events in the recent past (“when we were driving to xy yesterday, this car overtook us”) or “there is a (meaningless) word written on this wall of your neighbour’s house - does this have a meaning?” “The sky is blue today…followed by more narrative of random meaningless things and details
  
• with our toddler he doesn’t know how to approach him. He seems absolutely infatuated but is getting too close (literally putting his face in my toddlers face) and doesn’t even pay attention if he wants it or not. I had to constantly stop him. No matter how often I told him, he keeps push in boundaries of our baby. I think he doesn’t UNDERSTAND it.
  
• he doesn’t understand the social concept of being a house guest for a longer time - expects to be catered to, sits around and expects dinner to suddenly appear(doesn’t plan any meals). Talks for an hour(literally!) about why he doesn’t want to go get milk and whose fault it is (not his) that the milk is out (like what????) or doesn’t realize that him being at our apartment for several weeks means he too can make things easier for me(don’t let me cook and shop and pay for everyone every day! How about he contributes?) even after we discuss that him and his wife would cook and shop every other day. They made dinner once or twice in weeks.
  
• doesn’t care much about the needs of his wife, she’s kind of like a shadow of his and caters to his needs. But he doesn’t even really consider her (like he doesn’t understand the concept of being married and reciprocity as husband and wife) and somewhat dominates her by basically not being attentive to anything she needs (she’s super submissive)
  
• when we discussed an emotionally difficult subject from the past, he was absolutely unable to relate or even have the discussion in a grown up way but ran off the table (it was about another family member and their behavior)
  
• if you get him started on his FAVORITE subject(history) you’re in for hours of monologue with historical details, dates and endless descriptions of historical events and their analysis. he’s very knowledgeable and it’s also interesting to some extent but he never understands that there’s a moment when it starts being too much and that others may not be interested in THAT much details for THAT long
  
• several times we go out for a dinner and my husband always goes to pay. Not a single time did he get up to pay. It’s absolutely embarrassing to me but I don’t think it’s on purpose to be honest, I think he just forgets about it when he’s busy with having dinner at a restaurant.
  
• I also find him emotionally very flat and he’s just turning around his his own needs at all times. Not showing much empathy. He can have cognitive empathy when discussing a subject and explaining something to him.
  

For those of you who wonder: i didn’t grow up with him and haven’t spend this much time with him in a row and he was just a house guest for several weeks.
Is it possible my dad has high functioning autism?

These are some headcanons I have about the Hashira. spoilers for manga through the end, character death, and canon marriages. Things in square brackets are stuff I read elsewhere and is canon IIRC, but everything else is just headcanon
Sanemi

• very good at telling hours left until sunrise from the moon and stars. It was essential knowledge during his days as a rogue demon slayer
• His trainers frequently scolded him for going ‘marechi mode’ while fighting and tried to get him to rely on his blood less
• [The breathing forms were preserved as dances] Was onboard with the plan to pass on breathing forms as dances, but still bristled when people described what he did as dancing
• Proficient at unarmed fighting when his opponents are human
• Did a lot of traveling with the remainder of his life, to actually spend time enjoying all the places he had gone for work

Giyuu

• asked Kiriya to arrange a marriage for him after the final battle. Kiriya is the closest thing he has to a head of family and Giyuu is too awkward to do it himself. Kanata and Kuina were taken by the idea and offered Kiriya lot of dubiously helpful input
• Has the other two halves of his haori stitched together and stashed somewhere but doesn’t know what to do with it
• Moved into a smaller house after the final battle, but actually made this one into a home
• Kanzaburou died in his arms shortly after the final battle. Giyuu wasn’t too sad, he thanked his crow for seeing things through to the end and promised he would be ok from now on
• Has old man hobbies like bonsai and rock gardening
• Kept a Nichirin sword in serviceable condition for the rest of his life- just in case

Tengen

• He and his wives experimented with making semi functional hand prosthetics for him. They offered to bring Giyuu into the project but he declined on account of having much less arm left than Tengen
• Laid down a hard boundary early on that his wives had to settle their own disputes among themselves because of Suma and Makio’s bickering. The two of them worked things out and now most of their arguments are play fighting
• Of all his wives, worries about Hinatsuru the most because she’s very dutiful and will shoulder too many burdens without saying a thing
• His understanding of music and musical theory is intuitive. He felt his way through learning music and doesn’t have the words to describe how he understands it
• Never told his descendants that they came from a shinobi clan. His grandchildren loved to make up wild stories about how he and his wives got all their seemingly random (read: shinobi) skills

Gyomei

• offered useful advice for Kagaya to adapt as he lost his vision. Helped Kagaya and his family figure out what he would, and equally important, wouldn’t need help with as a blind person
• [Gyomei went blind as a child due to illness] Sometimes compares notes with Kagaya on their experiences with going blind
• Has never adopted a cat, but many cats have adopted him
• Sometimes while he’s meditating, he’s still for so long wild animals become used to his presence and will come close enough to touch. Gyomei never does touch, but he is aware of their presence
• Genya asked him not to meddle, but Gyomei did try one time to ask Sanemi about their relationship. He didn’t make any suggestions or pass judgement, just asked questions that would make Sanemi think

Shinobu

• keeps an herb garden for her pharmacology practice but isn’t much of a gardener. Aoi takes care of it when she’s away
• She made a unique butterfly hairpin for each of her tsuguko and butterfly girls

Mitsuri

• [Mitsuri keeps bees] adores fat fuzzy bumblebees and will sometimes pet the ones in her garden
• The plants in her garden were mostly curated with the bees in mind
• Dabbles in handicrafts and likes making little outfits and toys for her cats
• Indiscriminate in fawning over cute animals, including reptiles, amphibians, and fish. Even fawns over Kaburamaru sometimes. It’s yet another reason Obanai likes her
• Inadvertently ended up playing matchmaker to various people she met during her time in the corps, including fellow slayers and civilians she helped
• A known fan of sweets. Her friends and family frequently gift her any unusual or foreign treats they come across

Obanai

• Kyoujurou is the only Hashira who knows what’s under his bandages, because they were introduced shortly after Shinjuro saved him.
• Has experimented with making smoothies so he can drink his meals through a straw without taking his bandages off. Gave up because it was more trouble than it was worth
• Kaburamaru’s behavior has a few tells to his emotions. Sanemi and Mitsuri are the only ones who can read it to any degree, and Mitsuri has a few misconceptions because she doesn’t realize Obanai is in love with her.
• Kaburamaru hides in his haori sleeves while molting, and Obanai constantly has bits of molted snake skin in his clothes like other people have lint
• Instead of petting Kaburamaru, he’s soothed by the feeling of the snake slithering across his body

Kyojurou

• had a few private identity crises over being a copy and paste Rengoku flame Hashira. Considered developing his own derivative breathing style and look, hoping that might earn his fathers respect
• Wanted to move Senjuro out of the family home, but thought his father wouldn’t put up with it. Never had romantic feelings for Mitsuri but sometimes dreamed of the three of them living together and her as his platonic partner in taking care of Senjuro
• Tried to befriend Obanai once they became Hashira, never realized that Obanai saw him as a romantic rival

Muichiro

• feels more affection and loyalty for Amane specifically, compared to the other Hashira
• He’s still not clear how many children Kagaya and Amane have. Thought it was only two until he saw three in the same place at the same time. If one were to ask, he’d guess anywhere from four to eight.
• Unaware of Inosuke’s tendency to mangle people’s names. His attempts are close enough that Muichiro clocks them as the correct name
• Unless someone reminds him, will forget to eat until he’s ravenous

Bonus- Honorary Hashira
Tanjiro

• in his later teens, began to live his life under the assumption he would die by 25
• Kept up the new years Hinokami Kagura for the rest of his life. Nezuko took over after he died, until his children were old enough to do it
• He and Nezuko were familiar with many of their mothers recipes, but there were a couple they never felt like they could replicate accurately
• Tanjiro’s crow became a pet and household nuisance (affectionate) post-canon. He loved gathering and sharing gossip, and is credited as the main reason there were no secrets in their home, for better or worse

Inosuke

• wore the boar head less as he got older, to prevent wear and tear. Would play with his children while wearing it, but only once they were old enough to know to be gentle with it.
• Acorns are his favorite snack on the go and he always has a few in his pockets
• Remained resistant to wearing shirts for his whole life
• His marriage proposal to Aoi included gifting her an animal pelt

Zenitsu

• took up music after the final battle. Would sometimes practice playing with Kanata Ubuyashiki. She developed a crush on him in her teens but never told anyone.
• Proposed to Nezuko in a peach orchard where he spent a lot of time while training under Kuwajima
• Loves going to flower viewing parties. They’re his favorite type of date and he adores the sight of Nezuko against a backdrop of blooming flowers

Kanao

• Tanjiro had to teach her how to voice her disagreement. They’ve never had a proper fight, only disagreements that Tanjiro had to guide them through resolving
• Has no sense of fashion or style, so indecisive about buying clothes that Tanjiro and Nezuko pick for her
• Her garden has a lot of plants that attract butterflies. Every year they get dozens of chrysalises

Bonus bonus- Ubuyashiki siblings

• All three were somewhat anxious about the possibility Muzan’s defeat hadn’t broken the family curse. They kept constant attention on their health going into their teen years, looking for any sign of illness among any of them.
• Kuina decided to never marry. After losing her parents and sisters so young, she couldn’t bear the thought of anything keeping her from her remaining siblings. She was prepared to share Kiriya’s fate if the curse wasn’t broken. She lived to a ripe old age and was a beloved Aunt to many.
• Kiriya was emotionally comfortable dressing as a girl and liked the bright colors and patterns. He ended up preferring the physical comfort of boys kimono, the relaxed fit, and the simplicity of putting it on

STAY CLEAN: if your skin is very very damaged and dry i recommend using emolients first such as 5050 liquid paraffin & white soft paraffin this will make your shower less painful but also will mean your skin is able to stay hydrated and not as stripped of oil, also bare in mind that leaving eczema affected areas unwashed MIGHT lead to infections and worsened eczema (learned this the hard way) i would also recommend Dermol 500 Lotion as a BODY WASH substitute as i have found applying it in small ammounts to effected areas ensures theres a less chance for infection and keeps the areas clean whilst not irritating too much
PLEASE READ: i use cold water (no heat at all) and only get showers roughly once a day (wash away dead skin cells, pollen, dust mites and other allergens) i usually shower for no more than 3-5 minutes and make sure i have thoroughly cleaned every effected part and also areas prone to sweat, hot showers may be seriously hindering your recovery as they did with me and should be avoided at all costs in my opinion (if you cant handle the cold then just have it on a slightly higher temperature but make sure its not hot)
ALSO PLEASE READ: its important to consider that not everyones skin or eczema reacts the same, some people may find other emolients or lotions work better or may find other body wash substitues that work better for their skin. PLEASE TRY THINGS !! you can only try despite how annoying the process is and potential worsening of the skin it is vitally important that you do not give up on your treatment plan and make sure you continue to try other treatments (they might be painful at first or cause some side effects first but it will be better than stressing and putting immense pressure on your immune system having constantly increasing inflammation accross all of the skin (this can happen in untreated cases and can be very dangerous) some people claim that using no medication has helped, i tried this and just found my symptoms worsening and worsening until i couldnt take it (suicidal ideation every day sometimes for all of the day) so just remember everyone is different, you may or may not need medications to manage your symptoms depending on severity
please bare in mind i am on protopic 0.03% once a day right now (weening off after twice a day and 0.1%) after a year of extreme suffering and trying all sorts of oral and topical steroids and antibiotics (made my symptoms worse and worse) i found that protopic was the only thing that worked, when i started using protopic it was a nightmare and the side effects i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy but after around 3weeks-1month mark they eased off and then my skin was able to do a lot of healing
dont let anyone tell you that a certain thing will never work for you or your skin (theyve probably just been scared by social media and articles) YES there are side effects to all medication YES there can be withdrawals and unpleasant problems caused by medications but in many cases they are vital for improving quality of life and mental health which ultimately reduces stress and helps your skin (if there the right medication for you)
discontinue use of any medications if you notice your symptoms rapidly increasing, if you notice your eczema spreading or becoming more irritated painful or itchy, try out a different medication ( i was given 7 courses of steroids (topical and oral) which progressively worsened symptoms whilst being gaslit into trying even more which where prescribed in the wrong dose and strength before they finally gave up and gave me the medication that saved my life (Protopic)
if you live in the UK, try going private because lots of GPs are actually very misinformed and a chunk of the knowledge they believe to be the best advice is now outdated (including the incorrect dose i was prescribed) but be careful as to which medical centre you choose to visit as not all dermatologists have the same understanding of eczema, i can recommend a great private doctor in the UK if you struggle to find one.
SLEEP - THIS IS SO IMPORTANT try getting as much sleep as you can despite the difficulties with sleeping due to symptoms don’t give up on your sleep routine, its better to sleep than to not sleep - try sleeping pills / valerian root extract has worked well for me aswell as calming down the itch of my skin.
i also take 360mg of fexofenadine twice daily to help with histamines (this will improve sleep and symptoms if you build up enough of it in your system)
my skin is not perfect and is still a huge hinderence to my quality of life but the treatment plan which i found to work has saved my life and even my education so please be patient with your doctor / gp / dermatologist (they actually do want you to get better despite all of the conspiring healthcare haters) and try to understand they are trying to help you and not hurt you. some GPs may be rude or be impatient with you when you question there treatment plan as they see people just like you every day “in just as shit of a mood” so please remember we are all human and DONT GIVE UP ON YOUR SKIN !!!
also avoid processed foods if possible, avoid stress / comfort eating, i have also found intermittent fasting works for me if used correctly and low carb diets can reduce inflammation, mostly avoid sugar and alcohol at all costs(both terrible for skin and not worth a little buzz for degrading your health even further), id also avoid smoke, nicotine and caffeine. thankyou for reading