Hey everyone, as the title states I’ve been having some issues with my current roommates and I need some advice. For some context to this whole situation (this will probably be a little long so please bear with me): Before moving into this apartment, I had been communicating with a friend that I’ve known since elementary school while he was attending college in Arizona. Let’s call him Carl, for the sake of anonymity. He had been expressing how he would like to come back to living in Texas as he wasn’t very comfortable in Arizona, but he didn’t want to go back to living with his parents in Garland either. I discussed with him the possibility of us rooming together in a 2 bedroom apartment, as we had known each other for a long time and were very good friends, so I didn’t really see how there could be any concerns except for money as apartments and housing in Texas (and the US as a whole) has become quite expensive. As we had discussed it more, he had moved back to Garland and begun planning and saving up to move out of his parent’s house. It wouldn’t just be him, however, as he had a friend he knew from Florida that was also in a similar situation that would be willing to share a bedroom with Carl. I was a little skeptical of this idea at first, however after further discussion I did become more comfortable with it. I also discussed the move frequently with my dad and other friends that I would often meet with. Once we started to look at the actual costs of renting a 2 bedroom apartment, I started to get the impression that they (Carl and the other roommate) were expecting me to pay all of the rent rather than splitting costs evenly. I made it clear in all discussions that this was not to be the case, and stated that a 70/30 split for rent would be the most fair, as I knew that Carl was not making as much money as I was and that our other roommate would have to find work in the area before he could start to contribute to the cost of living. Carl agreed on this, and even stated multiple times to the other friends and family we talked with that he would be willing to split 60/40. I made it clear also that I expected everyone on the lease to contribute to rent on every single payment, so that everyone would be doing their part, fairly so, and that no one would need to contribute more than necessary. During all of this, I was told multiple times that it would be a really bad idea to pursue this arangement by my father and others, though I decided to anyway because I trusted Carl and by extension his friend from Florida. As we finalized things and settled on a pretty nice unit with a rent of $1199/mo (a little higher than I would have liked, but manageable), I started to become loaded with more and more requests from Carl to pay for deposits for electricity, internet, and for the apartment itself. I was okay with this, as he had promised to pay me back later. I knew he was struggling with paying off bills from college classes and was also spending on the trip to Florida to assist our roommate. Things started to settle down a bit more, and Carl was able to provide rent, however not at the full 30% that was agreed upon. I begrudgingly kept my mouth shut as I knew I was making a lot more money than him and I thought it would be unfair of me to ask for more than he was able to provide. Fast forward some time later and I had to help my girlfriend move out of her sister’s apartment due to some family issues that I won’t discuss here. Since then, things have gotten a little more difficult to afford, but I have not asked for any more or less from Carl or my other roommate (even though he has made very little to no progress towards getting a job or helping with bills and rent). I have also discovered through my girlfriend that when I am not home, both Carl and Florida have been saying that I am self-centered and short tempered, and that I have been asking too much from them as far as payment towards rent and other expenses such as groceries and other bills. Florida has also said that he feels uncomfortable with continuing to search for work and that he feels that my girlfriend should be pitching in more (even though she helps clean after them, take care of my cats/fish, and will sometimes help with buying cleaning supplies when necessary. While it wasn’t directly said, Florida has heavily implied in conversation that my girlfriend should also being rent, despite that fact that she is not legally written into the lease and as such not legally responsible for assisting with rent and bills. This all brings us to last night. While I was at work, I had remembered that rent still needed to be paid and I reached out to Carl to ask how much he would be able to put in this month. I received a text from him later that said he didn’t have a lot right now and wouldn’t be able to help until next paycheck, which I said was alright. After getting home, I paid rent in full, and went to pick up my girlfriend from work as she was getting off around that time. In the car, she told me that Carl had lied to me about how much he actually had in his account under the instruction of Florida. I was extremely frustrated and exhausted at that point, deciding that this was the last straw, and planned to confront them that night after making dinner. Once I got home after picking her up, their bedroom door was shut and I heard them on a voice call with an online friend while playing a game together (they do this very frequently and are often loud, and taking dishes to their room for snacks without returning them). As usual, they came out right when food was almost ready. That had started to pick at what was already out, and my girlfriend had told them to stop because nothing was finished yet. They took this as a joke and ignored it, so I firmly told them to stop. They acted surprised at this, and went back to their bedroom, closing the door and not returning until I had left the kitchen to get ready for work today. This morning, my girlfriend showed me a text from Carl asking if she had figured out why I was “being such an asshole”.
At this point, I’m heavily considering kicking them both out regardless of whether or not they have a place to stay. I have been more than patient and fair, spent far over half of my savings towards everything in this apartment including the dishes and other supplies they use, only for them to act like this and treat me this way when I’m not home. I really need advice on how to move forward with this situation, and whether or not I am actually in the wrong for feeling the way I do.
(TL;DR - My roommates have been underpaying, not cleaning after themselves, and talking about me behind my back, and in general being a headache to deal with. What do I do?)
Please let me know if I need to provide more information! Thank you all.

Lilith Clawthorne, formerly one of the most hated characters of the series. (Spoilers for Lilith's character and other important parts of "The Owl House.")
Lilith is the sister of fan favorite Edalyn Clawthorne, aunt of King Clawthorne, and aunt figure to Luz Noceda. Aunt figure probably isn't the best way to put it. Hello! Welcome to my Lilith discussion! I'd like to share my ideas of how to handle her redemption arc differently than how the show did it. The writers did a nice job, I don't want to show any disrespect to them, their talented and clever at their careers. Some people feel like Lilith got off the hook so that's what I'll attempt to change. The first half of season two is all I will be changing, the second half seems to be what people liked better when it came to redeeming Lilith and I think that's because she's kinder towards the main cast now. I think we owe at least some of that credit to her mother Gwendolyn. She became a better witch under her roof after all. Ready for the rewrite? Here we go!
Separate Tides- What I think would've been better is if Lilith had more humbling experiences during her time in the owl house. She only got that in "Separate Tides" where we see that her and Eda's reputations as powerful witches are no more. Lilith is now a traitor with no magic, status, or influence over others. This is also where Lilith makes a new friendship with someone for the fourth time ever in her life with with the other three being Eda, Raine, and Steve. I think she was friends with Steve or at least they were on good terms. Anyway, Lilith becomes best friends with another character who is hated on, Hooty. They'll still get that development but Lilith will learn two morals in her sub plot. I was almost going to scrap her learning to ask for help because it didn't seem like that should be the first thing she learned but it is good for a character like this to have this life lesson. She was a member of an elite group who probably frowned upon needing help from someone else. It's good for Lilith to learn to lean on others if she'll later be in a rebellion. I still haven't gotten to the actual rewrite yet so I'll do that. Let's start with Eda and Lilith's conversation. Some people thought that Eda sounded too friendly so instead we'll say that she starts out that way but immediately stops when Lilith asks to join Eda on whatever she's gonna do to make more money. Eda remarks that she's too much of a suckup to the law for this and as a way to rub salt into her sister's wounds, she puts Hooty in charge of the house despite being more incompetent. Eda leaves and Lilith comes to the conclusion that she's not trustworthy enough and needs to make things up to Eda. She still gets the idea to make a potion that will allow everyone in the owl house to spy on members of the emperor's coven, Hooty wants to help, Lilith refuses his offer, but Hooty says that since he's in charge he has to come. Lilith lets him go with her after that. Hooty has an easy time gathering ingredients while Lilith gets attacked and beaten up by the animals and fairies of the woods. Finally, they reach the fire bees' area to get some of their honey. Lilith still doesn't feel like Eda will be able to trust her. She may know that she won't betray her again but she hasn't proved that she's capable enough for adventures. She distracts Hooty by telling him that they need half of an emerald blade for the potion. A lie that Lilith made as an opportunity to get the honey without help. She's no match against the fire bees, Hooty comes back just in time to save her and he fights the bees. When they get back to the owl house, Lilith apologizes to Hooty. She realizes that she needs help from others and she needs to gain back everyone's trust not just Eda's. She broke Hooty's trust by sending him on a wild goose chase in order to get the fire bee honey on her own. The episode plays out the same from here.
Escaping Expulsion- Luz teaches the Clawthorne sisters how to use glyphs like in the original episode. There's a role reversal this time, Eda is the one who's excelling and Lilith is the one struggling to cast spells. Lilith relives her Hexside years of feeling jealous of Eda's talent. When Lilith lashes out in anger, Eda goes "What are you gonna do? Curse me again?" Lilith looks ashamed and Eda offers to show her how she casts spells. She says that it requires patience and following the rules that they know of. Lilith is surprised that Eda is following any kind of rules and sees that she's maturing. Eda reveals that she doesn't enjoy using glyphs, she's grateful that Luz showed her a way to use magic again but she prefers her natural magic. She decides not to use glyphs as often, setting the stage for Harpy Eda later down the road.
Echoes of the past- Luz and King make a mess in the living room much to Lilith's annoyance. King has his stuffed animals everywhere, trying to recreate a strange dream he had to Luz while Luz is working on glyph combinations and makeup work from Hexside since she previously missed her classes after she was briefly expelled from the school. Lilith wants them to move their stuff because she needs the room for something but they both say that they need more time. Hooty shouts for Lilith, unable to see her through the plushies and books everywhere. Lilith needlessly shoves Luz to the floor to go talk to Hooty. Eda sees that and tells Lilith off, breaking her trust yet again and Lilith is distraught. Luz and King go see if she's ok and Lilith soon tells them that she needs to make it up to Eda. King points out that if anybody, she needs to make it up to Luz. Luz decides that Lilith has to take them to a place that will give King closure on his dream. They go to the island where King was born. Lilith becomes more protective of Luz and King, at first because she owes it to them but overtime she starts to care about them. She doesn't view them as her niece and nephew just yet but right now their better allies for each other. It's also pretty much the same story just with more Lilith development.
Keeping-up-A-Fear-Ances- This one is also pretty much the same, I'd just remove the part where Lilith makes King feel abandoned. No fan liked that part. Lilith gets anxious as she remembers the unintentional favoritism Gwendolyn gave Eda throughout their lives until her curse turns her into a monster. She hears her mom's voice, telling her that she's smart and exceptional and that she's sorry for not giving her enough attention. Lilith feels emotional and her beast form tears up as well just like in the actual episode. Luz also still uses the elixirs to turn Eda and Lilith back to normal. After Lilith announces that she's leaving the owl house to stay with her parents, she apologizes to Luz, Eda, and King for everything. With that, her and Gwendolyn leave.
And that's what I have! It might not be great, Lilith acts really flawed in these stories. She's genuinely a flawed character, it might've been the point. Let me know if you liked this, thanks for giving me your time and focus, also thank you for reading this. Bye!

https://youtu.be/6k4fjB-SXd8?si=13dDvaq-yf0G85Ta
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/evelyn.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be talking about “Evelyn” which is the fourth song from the band’s debut self titled EP.
Now before we start talking about this song, I did want to let everyone know that unfortunately we are nearing the end of the road with these song discussions. We are down to about two songs left off each album. We have some bonus/unreleased songs we can talk about in the future but I think I’d like to save those for future reissue box sets. Once we cover all the studio songs I’ll make a master list for individual song discussion. Until then, back to our regularly scheduled program.
Now not every song from a band’s debut project can be a winner. And I’m not saying “Evelyn” is a bad song. But I feel like it’s one of band’s earlier songs that sounds a little outdated and it’s less interesting than where the band would be sonically on the next couple of releases. It should also be noted that this song was written solely by Sinclair.
The song actually begins with the chorus which is a really fast paced drum beat, an insanely fast tambourine sound, and a 80’s reverb drenched guitar riff. It’s simple three note guitar riff but it sounds so fast that if this song came out today you’d think that someone sped it up intentionally. On first listen it really doesn’t sound like the Hip, especially if you heard other Hip songs before this one.
Vocally we have Gord, with Sinclair singing back up, singing “Evelyn, Evelyn, where were you last night?” As you may have noticed, a lot of early Hip songs have to do with a male character waiting for a female character to come home and then asking her where she’s been all night. I did hear a 1987 concert where before they played this song, Gord mentioned a 1971 movie staring Clint Eastwood called Play Misty For Me. In that movie there is a character named Evelyn, so it’s possible that movie was the inspiration for this song.
The verses are pretty straightforward with mostly chords and a couple small transitional riffs. We do have Gord singing with a little grit in his voice as he describes waiting at this woman’s porch all night for her until eventually dawn breaks and he gets tired and leaves. The one thing I do like in this song is the way the lyrics transition from the verses to the chorus. The first verse ends with “but when dawn broke I could no longer wait for….” and then the chorus begins with “Evelyn…Evelyn.” It was smart writing to make Evelyn’s name be the ending of that verse while also the beginning of the chorus. And that happens with each verse and chorus.
In the second verse we have Gord’s character calling Evelyn to no avail and he starts questioning why he’s playing this “game” with her because he ends up just feeling like a fool.
After a shortened third chorus, Gord finally decides he’s had enough of this waiting and that he’ll “even up the score” by leaving her. It’s an idea he continues with during the last verse where he sings “if you must have your way you won't have me. But I can't be pushed around, I must get free from…..Evelyn” It basically sounds like a one sided relationship that he’s no longer going to put it with.
After the last chorus we get the only real big change in the music. While Gord is repeating the phrase “where were you last night” the drums, guitars and bass do these emphasized stop and go with the rhythm to make a dramatic ending. It’s a nice change of pace and I like how Gord’s vocals become very low for that ending.
But other than that ending this song is extremely simple in a way that doesn’t warrant too many repeated listens. Again, I give the guys credit since it’s still their first release. But this song is definitely missing elements we’ll get from them later on like guitar solos, memorable riffs, tasty bass playing and thought provoking lyrics.
But what do you think of this song? Is this a better deep cut from the debut? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments. And did you ever catch it live?

I commented on a post about some questions a poster had about UMHS. They have since deleted the post but I felt that the information I provided might help others so I'm making those comments into their own post for prospective UMHS students.
Here's their most recent Prospective Student presentation. Really informative if you're looking into UMHS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu9wUIgNPBg

I also plan to apply to UMHS, and its very hard to find any info from the school from other students.
What are the cons of the school? I can only find the pros.
What is the average cost of groceries? Would it be less, equal or more expensive than the US?
I saw that class is 80% mandatory, what about the other 20%? Would I take a few lectures online?
Also saw that we need to download an app to do our test, would that be all of our test? Would we take the test in class or wherever we want?
This may be a very silly question for most but I have a very bad phobia of spiders and I saw there are 10 species on the island, have you ever encountered one before in your house/apartment? If they are pretty small I can kinda manage but not if their big lol.

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1. Cons, no federal student loans. The school was established in 2008 and a requirement for federal financial aid requires offshore schools to have had an established clinical curriculum in the US prior to 2008. So until thats appealed, private loans only (Sallie Mae). Thats the honest only con I can think of. A pertinent pro I'll add is that in my 4 semesters here so far, I do not know a single student who has been dismissed. There's usually 10-20 transfers from other carib schools every semester.
2. Cost of living is pretty high. I would say 20% higher than the US for groceries. Rent for a 1bba apt is ~$800 utilities included.
3. Actually class attendance changed to 70% 3 semesters ago. If you miss class you can either watch the lecture live on the LMS or when they post the recording that evening.
4. They use Examsoft for block exams and NBME secure browser for final exams. These are apps installed on your personal computer and you take the exams in a classroom thats proctored.
5. Havent seen many spiders. There's monkeys on the island though lol. I definitely haven't seen any in my apartment and I live on ground floor.

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How’s the courses? A friend of mine is planning to transfer there after hearing their attrition rate and how rare its to fail out there

One thing I like about UMHS specifically is how the classes are individual classes (not a single module for an entire semester). If you fail a class, you just have to retake that class. (2-8 credit hours). I don’t know any one who has been dismissed here for failing classes and about 75% pass each class. I’d say about 70% haven’t failed any class at all.
I’m sure that part of this is due to the fact that some of the larger schools have an endless supply of new students wanting in. Class sizes here are 50-80 new students a semester. We get like 10 students every semester who are restarting or transferring because they failed out of the big 3.
Honestly most of the people on here are going to say SGU, AUC or Ross because those schools have the most students but they are really cut throat. Most of them are set up where if you fail "a class", you fail the whole semester (10+ credit hours) because the curriculum is in module format. You don’t want to be in a situation where you fail 2 semesters and your only option is dismissal.
If you fail here, sure it sucks you have to retake a class and take a loan for it but at least you get to continue. It's something that stood out to me when applying. Personally, I'm in semester 4 and haven't failed anything (thankfully).
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Thanks for the response! Good to hear you been doing well over there. I was definitely curious about it after hearing how barely anyone fails out and it looks like they just got a good helpful system built in. And i didnt know about the whole passing and retaking thing. My friend was in SABA and he failed a major course while on probation and was dismissed even after appealing twice. He is trying to transfer to other schools like MUA AUA and definitely UMHS (He has a meeting with someone soon).
What would you recommend him to do?

No problem! If he has a history of failing, UMHS is the best bet just for the assurance of not getting kicked out again. I’m sure he’ll thrive here as most of the transfers do. They really go out of their way here to keep their retention rate high.

A lot of folks come to me asking how they can get good at ranked and get that precious dive trail. Well, I'm here to tell you exactly what to do in order to do well in this game. These ideas, bullet points, and explanations are fool proof and unassailable. I've lived (and very rarely ever die) by these guidelines for years and find myself atop the pile of ranked very consistently. Follow them closely, and you too can be an Apex Predator like me.
Behavior: If you see or hear any kind of homophobia, sexism, bullying, or any kind of behavior like this, DO report them using the system. Fire and foremost the best thing that can be done for the Apex community is reporting and removing those toxic elements from the community so that its a welcoming place for everyone, regardless of skill level or dedication. It starts with you, the player, to call this out and shape the community.
Inputs: First, the gulf between controller and KB+M is at this point too large to ignore, especially at the higher level of play. Sometimes you're just going to get clipped at close range and it will have less to do with your ability to hit your shots and more to do with the very prevalent aim assist the enemy has. Keep engagements a bit further away if you can to prevent this. Report anyone that gets close with a shotgun or R99 in order to maintain a better player pool in these scenarios, Gameplay Sabotage. If they are on console using a controller in a PC lobby, also take the above appropriate action. Furthermore, if anyone is using a controller or console player and critiques any other players aim in or out of game, do the needful as well. Many players only have ever played on controller and have no concept of un-assisted aim and thus should be removed from that kind of consideration.
Classes: Mix up the classes at legend select screen. Doubling up the classes simply needlessly reduces the amout of EVO you can gain and can be the difference between life or death in a close fight. If you see someone has picked a class you were going to go, do your duty and change over to something else useful, even if its just the passive like scanning crates or being able to craft banners. Report anyone that doesn't do this for Gameplay Sabotage, there is a class and EVO system for a reason.
Dropping: Hot dropping is incredibly stupid in ranked. So many games are lost immediately upon the drop from an unfocused jump master its not even funny. Even if you're the best shot in the world, you're essentially putting your team on a roullette wheel in terms of the aforementioned close-range controller roller, but also whether you'll even get a gun or not. Why do this? Why potentially waste your team mates' time by dropping them in between other people like that? 100% 360 no scope accuracy counts for absolutely nothing if you don't have a gun, and the 2 other enemy teams are meleeing you to death, or you DO get a gun and its not something useful for that situation. Hot dropping takes the choice of winning the game out of your teams hand and into RNG. Save that for non ranked games or private lobbies.
If you DO find yourself in a hot drop because others peel in, STAY TOGETHER. Running off as a wraith or octane or revenant is essentially throwing when even your mere presence can stop your team from being focus fired. Remember, 2 melee's from two of you is 120 damage if you never get a gun. Thats way better than dashing off, getting that sweet gun, turning around and ope, your team mates are down because they had to fight alone, then YOU get melted cuz there are more of them than you. Peeling off is a lot less important on a drop if it means staying together with crappy guns than splitting off and throwing the dice on a separate 1v1's or 1v2's. If someone hot drops intentionally and rages that someone didn't split off when there are 9 enemies around, report them. Gameplay Sabotage. You came to play Ranked, not gamble on the gun obtaining roulette wheel.
Equipment: Similar to above, if you see a piece of gear, even if you hate the guts of your team mates, dislike their class selection, whatever: You're there to win a ranked game. Share the equipment. If your team mate has no gun, and you have two, and you're in a fight, drop one for them. If they are rolling snipper or marksman, give them the scope, its far better for them to have a useable long range gun than a fancy 3x on your Havoc. If you have a support class and you see a gold knockdown shield, ping it, don't even pick it up unless its specifically to bring to a team mate. Its a waste of everyones time if you do withhold items and can earn a report for Gameplay Sabotage and selfish play.
Also in relation to this point and the below point: remember if you ping an item and then take off, your team mate now has to run all the way over or back, often alone, if you keep moving on. Thats a great way to split up a party and get yourself down a person out of selfish play. See above actions that should be taken for selfish play. Pick it up and bring it or stay back to provide overwatch as they loot the item.
Movement: Loba, Revenant, Pathfinder, etc. Remember: Not everyone else can zip up a wall in a few seconds like you can. If you're in a firefight or chasing a team or some such, you are literally splitting up your team if you hop up to different areas that others can't reach. At high level play, people notice this. They see you bracelet over to chase that battery-poppin Bangalore and will immediately pounce the rest of your team. Use these abilities in conjuction with your team, not to secure yourself some extra goodies or loot that bin just a little bit faster. I have lost track of the number of times a Loba was just gonna scoot up and get those bins first with her bracelet and ope, another team was there and no one can help you. Its worth it to move a bit slower as a team than to move faster as an individual in many instances in ranked. If a team mate or two insists on face tanking everything and hard charging in, leaving team mates behind, there are fewer text book examples of Gameplay Sabotage.
The Ring, looting, and POI's: Don't ignore the ring. Saying its "only ring 1" is some absolute rookie behavior and is ripe for a Gameplay Sabotage charge. It isn't about how much damage the ring does, its about where it places you for the next fight. What good is your team for the next fight if all of you are breathlessly popping syringes to ensure you can get to the next ring before it moves?
Half the game is about positioning and being able to take on a fight before aiming and quick movement enters the equation. Its often better to disengage from a fight or even miss out on some loot if it means you can be into position for the next ring sooner and shoot those folks trying to hustle in after you. It may not feel good to leave behind those team wipes or death boxes, but when they are in a much worse position and likely eliminatd themselves, you'll be glad as your RP value tics slowly upward as the ring gets smaller. Similarly, do not push teams into a closing ring, you never know who is lurking waiting to take on a bone headed move like that. You might get that team wipe, but now you gotta hustle back to your buddies alone and fully dependant on a medkit now, sabotaging your teams chances.
Lastly, going to different POI's late in a ring cycle can also set you up for failure. You may have picked your prime drop point clean and need more loot, but pushing away out of the ring will let more savvy teams take over where you just came from and shoot you as you return, thanking you for all the extra loot you brough them. Loot TOWARDS the ring, not out of it, otherwise be prepared to get ambushed or find yourself constantly playing a game of catch-up because you wanted go get that last bin at the cost of an extra 800 meters of running. This is often fatal on maps like Broken Moon and absolutely gameplay sabotage of your team. Get inside the ring with mid loot and let the deparate players bring YOU the high tier loot they went for. If you played it right, you'll have some time to pick their boxes clean at the inside edge of the just-closed ring rather than hustling in and having to move again without a chance to lot.
Abilities and Legends: Use them to help your team, not just for yourself. Badly placed or used abilities are the epitome of Gameplay Sabotage and reduces everyones enjoyment and competativeness of Apex. For all of these COMMUNICATION is going to be the best underlying application when considering them.
Here is a quick and easy run down:
Alter: Put down your ult where its safe and remember your tactical goes BOTH ways. Trying to chase that kill alone can put you inside a building ALONE, getting you knocked and the ability for the enemy to come out and ambush YOUR team. Thats a fine way to sabotage your team. You can use Alter's ult while downed, so do it.
Ash: Your ult charges faster than you think, put it in places your entire team can use it. Not just you and the nearby person. Otherwise your'e just splitting - and sabotaging - your team.
Ballistic: Your ult charges faster than you think and can be a life saver for your team mates. Any engagement that goes down without your ult active is essentially sabotaging the team.
Bangalore: Smoke is useful for running away, approaching through open areas, repositioning, or obsuring recovery. Smoking an enemy so THEY can approach under cover or reposition is actively helping the enemy team. Thats Gameplay Sabotage if I've ever heard it. Use your smoke tactically, not as a fun whimsical thing to fire at enemies for fun. Your ult slows down your team too, use it to make space, not to make noise.
Bloodhound: Scanning and not getting enemy teams gives away your position and class. Absolutely sabotage, so keep it tight with those tac uses.
Catalyst: Your wall is extremely powerful for crossing open area and charges relatively quickly. Your team should never struggle to get through an area without your assistance in some way. Your wall reinforcement can be key as well to the succes of a team. A Catalyst in a fight with abilities off cooldown is a Catalyst Sabotaging Gameplay. Don't let that be you.
Caustic: Use your traps to not necessarily block doors but to allow enemies to come inside and BREATHE IT IN while blocking their movement forward. This will do more to disrupt their ability to pressure you than blocking a door your team may need to use. Remember if you see your teams gas, you know the enemy isn't there. Go get in it and pressure the enemy more. If its enemy gas, just hold your breath, no problem. Caustic is the best boy though, and is actually incapable of sabotaging his team.
Conduit: Point your face at your team and boost their shields in a fight. Do not just use it for yourself or before anyone takes any damage, thats just wasting a very powerful ability and is actively sabotaging your team. The Jammers are KEY but have a long wind up and wind down, so get them out early if you see an enemy go down to prevent enemy movement to flank you or pick them up. A passive Conduit is an empty battery, so lock it in.
Crypto: Use the drone to get intel, scan antennae, res your teamies, and cover your flanks. Your drone doesn't have to be fancifully placed, just available to EMP the enemy and cover areas. EMPing a bunch of equipment can be more useful than hitting an enemy team with it, so remember that. If a Crypto dies with an active undeployed drone, that is necessarly a Gameplay Sabotage moment and you should take appropriate action.
Fuse: Your ult is almost always up. Use it early, use it often. Its less about melting the enemy, and more about controlling where they can and can't go. Your team mates, if they are paying attention, will recognize this and use it as a No-Go zone so they can flank effectively. Use your knuckl to hit downed enemies, it the best way to press the assault. Free grenades are strong, but remember, your teamies can body block your shots, causing them to bounce into your face or away from the enemy. If this happens, call it out for the sabotage it is and take the right steps.
Gibralter: Your dome shield is extremely powerful, but remember it also functions as a No-Go zone. Putting it down so only you can hit a syringe is a waste. Use it for your team or to res your buddies as you res faster in the dome than outside of it. If you find the shield is blocking your team from shooting the enemy and is only a hindrance, be sure to get the reports going for gameplay sabotage on the offending Gibby.
Horizon: Remember your tactical is extremely useful, but entire fights can be done around it. Using it just to boost yourself is a great way to split your team and sabotage a victory. Be mindful of how it can help you reposition or block door ways from enemies. Your ult destroys doors, remember that too and be sure to shout it out to teamies.
Lifeline: IMMEDIATELY as soon as a teamie goes down, res them. No question. Its better to res a teamie and take a shot, than to avoid all shots and have the teamie die. Ressing the teamie creates a timer on the fight against the enemy as your team cannot be eliminated as long as someone is being res'd.Trying to be a hero and wipe everyone yourself is sabotage.
Loba: Selecting this character is inherently considered Gameplay Sabotage unless a few criteria are met. The bracelet is an ESCAPE ability, not an engagement one. Treat it as such, not as a toy. Your shop can be used by enemies and is intended to be used by your entire team. Not just you. Closing up shop immediately upon everyone buying is mandatory, and putting it down split away from others is just putting that shop up for the enemy. Seeing as most do not do this, selecting this character is inherently reportable in ranked at this time.
Mad Maggie: Don't be afraid to use your ball to charge into the enemy, its a great way to engage a fight or in bad cases,run away. Not using the drill on the enemy is sabotage though, so make sure you're constantly pressing the attack.
Mirage: Similar to lifeline, you need to be ressing as soon as possible and bamboozlin' to the max. Not properly disengaging and crafting your teammates is considered to be gameplay sabotage, so keep your head on a swivel when playing this legend.
Newcastle: Same as lifeline with the added caveate that his ult moves you way way further than you think. If anyone on your team has a shield break, you should be putting that wall up on them immediately if you're not ressing someone else. Do not sabotage your team by not pulling them out of harms way as soon as possible. Don't forget, your tactical can be moved too!
Octane: Put your pad down for teamies to use them to engage or disengage, not to get to a bin first or for you to get to a new POI alone. Octane has the ability to be an extremely powerful flanker and team mobility player. However, too many are in Sabotage mode where they themselve want to go fast and chide the others for not having that stim pack or have the first crack at loot. Don't let that Octane be you.
Pathfinder: Look where you're putting your ult before firing it. In ranked folks will just wait for your ult to set up then shoot you off of it. Often you're the key to getting out of a ring, so use your abilities as such, not to get a cheap piece of loot or for self serving means. Its actively gameplay sabotage to zip line only yourself up with a tactical and forcing the rest of the team to use stairs in a time sensitive situation.
Rampart: Cover up, cover often. Excellent way to buy time for your team to set up or reposition if necessary. If you're ever in a fight near doors and you have Sheila available, there should be no doors in that area as a good Rampart controlls the battlefield and a bad one is actively sabotaging by not using their abilities.
Revenant: Similar to Pathfinder, with the further caveat that choosing this legend is in itself an act of Sabotage that needs to be worked out of rather than into. Use rarely.
Seer: Your ult is off cooldown so use it often. Even if the enemy isn't in it, it can be a useful visual guide to where they are NOT and you can move appropriately. Generally its considered a minimum among us high level players for a Seer to hit 80% of their tactical charges. Missing too many tac charges can be a form of sabotage as you give away your teams position and should be treated as such. Lead your shots.
Valkyrie: Same as Revenent and Pathfinder, though this is doubled if you hurt yourself with the missile swarm. Thats some rookie gameplay and as such, toxic and sabotage. Further caveat: Valk can see where folks are dropping straight off the jump, any hot drop with this legend is sabotage. Use rarely.
Vantage: Don't be afraid to use your snipper riffle often, though it does give away YOUR position. Its a great way to pressure a team as the rest of your squad gets into position. Call out the shield and squad status as often as you can, remember you can do this without anything equipped! Same for Echo, use that lil guy often to change position! Her ult is very strong and has such a huge hit box and aim-assit that its often considered intentional to miss shots with it. If you see a Vantage missing ult snipper shots, that is sure sign of sabotage.
Wattson: Get that ult early, get it up often in a fight. This can be the make or break for an entire fight! Your walls can be great ways to slow down an enemy, but remember, they won't STOP them. Don't treat them as foolproof barriers the way a Catalyst or even Caustic defended area may be. If a Wattson ever goes down without deploying her ult, that is a clear sign of sabotage though, and should be acted upon by the community.
Wraith: Just don't choose this legend. Similar to Revenant, inherently a gameplay sabotage pick and often provides no utility to their team. Report on sight.
There is your Ranked guide, feel free to leave any questions or concerns in the comments below or reach out to me directly if you want to learn more ways to become an Apex Predator and show this community the best way forward!

I’m like 99% sure I’m autistic
The first time I brung it up to my fiancé This was his response was something along the lines of
“No way , you don’t look like that”
It took him a bit but I convinced him to hear me out and took a test online it’s was RAADS I believe . Anyways this was 3ish years ago since then I did more research and just watch other people experience on being autistic and some people I can relate with and other I don’t.
I’m gonna name things on why I believe I am
1.every since I was young loud noises affected me I had to cover my ears and would get very upset even now as an adult with loud high pitch noises ,loud tv , babies crying (even my own 😔 ) car horns etc.

1. As a child and still now I always feel different then everyone , I feel like things that should be easy for me bc they are normal things that others have no issue with . Like driving , cooking , making a dr app, talking otp . As a child things things others could do was so difficult for me and I would breakdown/shutdown when I was unable .

If I want to do something I feel like I can’t do it around people like a hobby or even being on the phone it’s very difficult for me to be otp with anyone while others are around me (idk if that has anything to do with it but that’s what I noticed )

1. I either didn’t talk loud enough or I talked to loud . I either talked too much or didn’t talk enough.

When I was very young everyone would always say speak up speak up I can’t hear you
As I got older I thought that what I was suppose to do then it was your to loud Quiet down
I also was a very active child I was told I moved to much and I believe that what made my grandmother take me to the doctor to check me for adhd although the doc brushed my gma off bc I was able to sit still in front of the doctor ( I believe I was masking bc I didn’t wanna get in trouble for moving to much)
I’m not sure if I have adhd though.
i’m really passionate about a subject. I will. I guess what it’s called as info dump and I do this a lot with my partner and I feel like sometimes it might be too much for him because I’ll talk a lot.

1. I didn’t like to pretend play Like if I was with my cousin who did pretend play like mermaids I never understood how Like I love mermaids but how do you pretend? We don’t have a tail idk I tried with her but she was always the one coming up with the scene/scenarios .

My form of playing was getting set up . All my “littlest pet shops” “play horses “ etc . I would essentially line them up and after I got them all lined up in their correct spots the fun was over.

1. I have special interest and when I get in them I hyper focus on those things but I can’t keep them for long before I’m onto the next . That’s not to say I won’t go back to those things though . They still all interest me but I’ve noticed with a lot of things I leave unfinished. It’s hard for me to start on something if I know I will not have time to complete it bc I hate getting interrupted so it usually lead to depression bc a lot of my interest are crafts/creative things /art etc.
   
2. I tend to over explain myself I don’t know if that has anything to do with maybe being autistic and when I get really into a subject (talking wise) I talk really fast and with emphasis in my voice
   
3. I feel emotions deeply . TOO MUCH. I get upset over things other find crazy to get upset about and I look as if I’m just wanting attention or being dramatic but I can’t help what I feel . I’m trying my best to have a control of my emotions . I can understand others very well if they are being up front with me about what’s going on to truly understand I have to ask questions .
   
4. Eating has always been a struggle Textures and taste
   

I can’t help if I don’t like something if it’s got a texture like mashed potato I can eat them if they are MASHED If they have chuck in them still no way.
Ice cream has to be a certain texture frozen if to melted then no and not with any chunks of chocolate There more but you get the gist.
Now as adult I have a struggle with food bc I would get in trouble for not eating something I didn’t like as a child .
My fiancé still struggles to understand this one with me Everyone calls me picky …

1. Ido have a hard time in social settings I don’t know how to make small talk . It’s boring and I wanna get to know you at the same time with anxiety I’m scared to talk . As an adult I have no friends and it sucks.
   
2. I have trouble with relating to much. So if someone says something about a struggle I sometimes (I’m working on it ) can get wrapped up in my own experience and like yeah this happens to me and this is what I did When really the other person might not want advice but just to be heard.
   
3. Being in large groups is exhausting Being in public in a mall or a large area with tones of energy I will get overwhelmed very easily . Esp bc I have kids now .
   
4. When I was in 9th grade my teacher told us about jobs and how to be in a interview and to keep eye contact to show your interested well that’s all I toook from it and used it to any social interaction and I think I used eye contact to much for years and prolly made a lot of people uncomfortable. I know for me it’s was uncomfortable.
   
5. I feel like I do stem but in different ways . I don’t really have a fidget toy I will tap my fingers or roll my hoodie string around , music is a form for me like listening to the same song over and over. Rubbing my feet together.
   
6. I’m not in school anymore but focusing on subject that didn’t interests me was hard and I failed test a lot bc I couldn’t stay focused and my brain would be in other places . Now I have to work very hard to stay focused while listening to someone in my head if it’s boring . If it’s interesting I don’t have an issue .
   
7. I love learning about psychology Body language, the mind all of it. I guess that. Might go with hyper fixation.
   

13.I can’t watch a movie without either applying it to my life in some way or studying the characters and trying to understand them.
It’s a movie is slow I will skip it or ifs it’s very emotional I willl be feeling the same emotions whether it’s happy ,sad,angry etc.
I could prolly go on but what’s the point Do yall think this is me just having high functioning anxiety. When I bring it up again to my partner yesterday. He told me that we could get it checked out by the doctor and see to make sure it’s not just high functioning anxiety which makes me feel like he doesn’t support me in think it autism.
I’m starting to overthink again and maybe I’m wrong to think I might be autistic.
What do y’all think?
I told him I’m willing to get myself checked out when I go to the doctor because I have appointment tomorrow. I just don’t know if I want him in there with me because I’ve been talking about this for the past three years and it’s like he still doesn’t believe me and like he hasn’t did no research on autism.
He does have ADHD himself and diagnosed with that. I’m just like why like I don’t understand since he is someone with a diagnosis of some kind why he can’t be understanding of me and just assumes It’s high functioning, anxiety .
Like for example, with my whole driving issue, he’s like oh well I dealt with that when I was a teenager and I got over it so like you, I believe you can too . And like I don’t know if I can I’ve tried to drive many of times and yes, I’ve driven successfully but every time I’ve gotten into the driver seat it was very overwhelming for me and I almost have hit car and like I don’t know if I can I’ve tried to drive many of times and yes, I’ve driven successfully but every time I’ve gotten into the driver seat it was very overwhelming for me and I almost have hit vehicle before before because I was so overwhelmed and I didn’t know if I could change the lanes on the interstate and it was super busy. I was looking out of my mirrors, but I couldn’t do it like I tried to go over and then they honk the horn and I was like oh my God I just freaked out like oh my God almost almost hit them because I thought I could go over, but I couldn’t.
Anyways I got that off my chest .

It had been years since I last picked it up. The last time I went through it was with the HD Collection, and that's still over a decade ago. In that time, I forgot where everything was, so sitting down with it was almost like reliving a 2003 unwrapping.
I also handwrote my own "quick" walkthrough as I found items and progressed. This helped me shave about an hour off my second run, with less saves and damage, too.
I'll try to keep it brief so I don't write a sprawling essay.

• Heather is a great, believable character. Her turn-of-the-century snarky attitude comes off realistic without sounding forced. I like how her resolve—and cynicism—grows as her fear lessens. She reminded me of Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy; at the beginning, terrified of everything, and by the end, sick of the monsters and their shit.
• I also appreciated the not-that-subtle allusions to teen pregnancy, abortion, and forced birth. I got it. The subtext was clear, especially with the dogmatic cult involved, but I never felt preached at.
• Resource management is way more hardcore than I remembered. Even on Normal Action Mode, which is what I picked, you really do have to weigh the cost of every bullet and health item. Every Resident Evil game I've ever played always had a false sense of item scarcity because it dumped supplies outside of boss rooms. Yeah, Silent Hill 3 doesn't do that. I spent my first run fleeing from almost everything, and my second occasionally chopping up mobs with the Beam Saber. Even then, I had to pick my battles because it still meant paying with a health drink or first aid kit.
• Tons of unlockables. For round one, the game thought I hurt enough monsters with melee weapons for the Beam Saber. Second time, Flamethrower and PrincessHeart costume. Good God, so many fun things it gives you. So, so many outfits. I put Heather in the Electronic Gaming Monthly (first half) and BradyGames zipper shirt (second).
• My favorite part has to be the haunted funhouse. I love the cheesy narrator, coupled with the fact that it's supposed to be an exhibit of cheap, fun scares for children...juxtaposed with real corpses and human blood, a spike ceiling trap, and the heat death hallways. It takes the innocence of being a kid and throws it hard into the miserable world of being an adult.
• As for things I didn't like? The town of Silent Hill itself. With the exception of finding a few items in Heaven's Night, there is nothing to do when you reach Silent Hill except beeline from the motel room to the next area. I understand having you replay big areas from Silent Hill 2 might've been a waste of time and resources. I also remember that the last two games rewarded you for exploring. The first game's reward was the good ending, even. But they don't even hide extra items off the beaten path for you to find this time. Every road is blocked off except the one you're supposed to be running down.

I hear footsteps approach and turn to see Dr. Berie with a plate in his hand. As he sets the plate down on the table with a ‘Bon appetit’, I turn my gaze back to the ceiling and continue trying to decide how many atoms there are in a single ceiling board. A fruitless effort obviously since that would have been a difficult task even for a bonafide genius and I’m not even anything close but it’s a worthy distraction.
“Eat your food, Duke.”
“I’m not hungry. And besides, what’s the point? My life is as good as over anyway so might as well starve to death.”
“Young man, if you do not eat something now, then you can take your chances out there because I will not allow you stay in this house any longer like this.”
When I shoot him a mortified expression, he says matter-of-factly. “Yes now, whose house do you want to come and die inside? Not mine for sure. You haven’t eaten anything in six days and you still don’t want to eat. Well, you don’t have to, I won’t force you to.”
With that, he gets up and claps his hands together like it’s a decided matter. “So, you can just pack everything of yours and leave now. Of course, you have to leave all my protective charms behind when you go out.” He threateningly points toward the window where raindrops pattered on the glass. I instinctively inch away from it on the couch and look at the doctor pleadingly.
“Don’t look at me like that. There are no two ways about it. It is either you eat or you leave. Simple.” I reluctantly sit upright in my chair and begin my meal. It isn’t bad in fact, it’s really good. Roasted yam and roasted vegetables is nothing to sneeze at. Thing is, eating and drinking one thing for two straight months does nothing to improve your impression of that food.
Seeing me eat my food, Dr. Berie nods. “Good choice. You know, I never would have followed through with kicking you out. I’ve grown rather fond of you in the time we’ve spent together. Well, keep your strength up, good night.”
I clear out my plates and lay back down in the chair. I haven’t eaten anything else because Dr. Berie says these are the only foods he can completely rid of water, along with a drink he continuously assures me is freshly squeezed fruit juice – it isn’t like any fruit I’ve ever tasted but… I have to drink it. Not like I can leave here to go get myself something else for the same reason none of my food can have water in them.
You’re probably wondering what problem I could possibly have that would make me put myself under such conditions. Well, it might shock you, but I have a spiritual problem. Now, I know lots of Nigerians say this, but in my case, it’s actually true. My village people are after me. No, seriously, they are!
Here, how about I give you a little backstory and you’ll see just how dead serious I am?
It all started with an innocent visit to my hometown. I don’t ever really go back there but I had to attend my twin sister’s traditional wedding right? If I’d known how it would turn out, I probably would have just mailed them a gift or something.
Anyway, I got there for her wedding and it was a total shutdown. Like, really, I danced and sprayed money on the couple like there was no tomorrow. Took pictures with my brand new phone and just generally showed off. Nigerians in general believe it is unwise to show off in the village but I’ve never been as superstitious as the rest of my nation y’know?
When the party was nearly done, I decided it was time to mingle and probably the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen caught my eye. She wasn’t dressed spectacularly or anything, but there was no denying how she radiated elegance. It was a surprise she wasn’t already crowded by men trying to ‘shoot their shot’ but I suppose everyone was just turned off by her plain clothes. Were people honestly so shallow nowadays?
“Nice evening isn’t it?” I ventured when I found myself in front of the lady without even realizing how I’d gotten there.
“Not really.” She replied with a smile. “I just cannot stand gatherings like this. Dellia.” She added, motioning to an empty seat beside her.
“Duke. Duke Obaìsàlè. Pleasure to meet you.” I said as I settled into the seat she’d shown me. “Personally, I love weddings.” It was true. As a social animal, a wedding for me was just another opportunity for me to meet people.
“But that’s just it, isn’t it?” She seemed to reply to my thoughts. “We have to mingle with all these people and pretend we like or even know them. Tell you the truth?” she looked around like she thought someone was eavesdropping before using a fan to hide her face. She seemed to pull that fan from thin air (I hadn’t noticed it before.) “I can’t stand any of these people.”
“You know, now that you mention it,” playing along, I looked round and leaned in conspiratorially. “People in general really can be such a pain to be around.”
She gasped and affected a hurt expression. “All people?”
“Well… there are a few – oh, so very few – notable exceptions.”
“Hmm.” With a smile that could start wars, she lifted her glass. “To the exceptions then.”
I returned her smile and lifted a free glass I found on the table. “To the exceptions.”
After the toast, we talked for hours and hours. I honestly don’t remember much of the conversation but you can’t blame me, I was looking into her eyes all through. You wouldn’t be able to pay attention to anything either if you were in my shoes.
Shortly after sunset, Dellia said she had to leave for home. Something about her father needing her help to prepare for guests.
“Are you sure you can’t stay just a little bit longer?” I asked, trying my best to sound like a heartbroken child.
“Aaw… aren’t you just the cutest? Don’t worry darling, we’ll see each other again really, really soon. I’m sure of it. So, chin up, yeah?”
I didn’t reply. Mainly because I knew the chances of meeting her again were slim to none. After all, I never came to the village.
“Seriously, smile for me before I leave.” She asked. I affected my best smile for her.
“That’s more like it. Bye now. Mwah!” She blew a kiss, picked her purse and left the venue heading off into the village beyond. I watched her walk away and it was only after she’d turned a bend and gotten out of view that I realized I hadn’t even gotten her number.
Well, no use now. She was gone, probably forever. It was already dark out. Time to go find the newlyweds before they left for their traditional honeymoon. What the hell was a traditional honeymoon anyway?
I found the couple about to leave for the airport. As soon as my sister saw me, she got down from the car and would have ran to me if her tight gown had allowed her anything beyond a hurried walk.
“Duke! Where have you been, ehn? My husband and I have been looking for you for only God knows how long.”
“I’m fine, baby sis. I no fit loss inside my own village now.” I replied her, switching to pidgin English.
“Which your village? You wey you no dey ever come house. Make I tell you something, this village people no mean betta for you o! Me, I no know why you no go just pack your things dey go house now as us too we dey comot.” She replied me, also using Pidgin English to emphasize her point.
“See Duchess, forget all that village people nonsense. I, Duke Obaìsàlè, do not fear witches. I don’t believe in any of that crap.” I returned to English this time. “Besides, Uncle Jimmy said he wanted us to go meet Bámí together later tonight.”
“NO!” my sister shouted with perhaps a bit too much force. “What do you people want to go to his house for? I don’t trust that man one bit. Just tell them you have work tomorrow or something.”
“I don’t work Saturdays sis. But tell you what? I won’t eat anything at or from his house and from there, I’m going straight to the hotel room so no harm done. Deal?”
Duchess sighed. It was the same sigh she sighed whenever she gave up asking my mother for a favor when we were kids. “Fine. But please promise me you’re not going to eat anything, hug or touch anyone. Please promise me.”
“My superstitious sister!” I teased. “I’m not afraid of witches. I’m not.” She didn’t look convinced. "Yo Ricky!” I addressed her husband who was leaning on the car watching us argue with amusement. “You afraid of witches man?”
“Well, damn man. Uh… pftt” he blew out some air while he thought. “Well, my grandmother was a witch. So… ain’t no reason to be scared of family right?”
“There you have it.” I joked. “The witches are family. I’m good.”
“I’m serious Duke.” She insisted, trying her best not to smile at the jokesters that were the men in her life.
“Okay, okay.” I finally became serious. “Even though I don’t believe in all the superstitious nonsense, I won’t eat or drink or touch anyone until I leave. And for good measure, I’m leaving before daybreak tomorrow morning.”
“Good. Still be careful though, because there is night before daybreak and-“
“Darkness functions best at night.” I chorused it with her.
She’d said that so much, it might as well be her anthem. How I got such a superstitious sister, I’ll never know.
Going with Uncle Jimmy to Bámí’s house was an uneventful, almost boring thing and the visit was looking to be the same until Bámí called for his daughter to bring out refreshments.
“Dellia!!” The elder bellowed into his house. “Where is this girl now? Dellia!”
I didn’t want to get my hopes up even though it was unlikely to be another Dellia. I was proven right when Dellia walked out with plates of food in her hands. My Dellia, not any other. The same one I had met during the traditional wedding. At this point, I was certain she was the one fated for me.
When she set the plates down in front of us, I attempted to initiate a conversation. “Hello Dellia. Remember me?”
No response. She simply walked back into what I assumed was the kitchen since I saw a fire in there. “So you’ve met my daughter ehn?” Bámí asked me. Seems he was her father and I was the visitor she had to prepare for.
“Yes sir, yes. I met her at the traditional wedding earlier today.” I said, trying to look my most respectful and respectable.
“Good, good. That is a very good thing.” Bámí seemed pleased with that development for some reason.
“Yes sir.” I replied while eyeing the food set before me. The bushmeat looked especially delicious but I had promised my sister I wouldn’t eat and so it would be. “I hope you won’t be angry sir, but I’ll be taking my food back to my hotel room with me.”
“No problem at all young man.” Bámí replied. “In fact,” just as he gestured toward the curtain, Dellia appeared there. “my daughter Dellia will take the food to your hotel room with you.”
I leaned in to whisper so only Uncle Jimmy could hear. “Do you think she’ll stay for dessert?”
My uncle knew exactly what I meant. “If I were you, I’d even turn my dessert into the main dish.” He whispered back with a grin. If Bámí or Dellia heard us, they didn’t let on.
Back at the hotel room, I tried initiating another conversation with Dellia. She remained unresponsive. I thought perhaps it was because of the situation we found ourselves in so I tried putting her mind at rest.
“Dellia listen, if it’s about sex, we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. If it’s your father forcing you, we can just talk. We don’t even have to talk about that, we can talk about anything. Come on now, I really enjoyed our conversation earlier.”
More silence.
“Dellia, say something.” Even more silence. “Toh, if you don’t want to say anything, let’s just go to sleep then.” I said laying on the bed in frustration, facing away from her.
“You say something.”
“What?” I was happy to hear her voice again but her words confused me.
“I said you should say something. But not just anything. I want you to tell me you love me.” She said as she got up and walked toward me while undoing her gown. “Unless that’s a problem?” She asked with a raised eyebrow and the naughtiest of looks in her eyes.
“No problem here, no problem at all.” If this was what it took to get her worked up, I’d play along. Some answers first though. “But can I ask why you refused to speak to me all this while? I thought it might have been something I-“
“Shhh.” She shushed me with a finger to my lips. “Say everything else later. For now…” she punctuated her line with a kiss on my lips. The best kiss I’d ever had. “…just say you love me.”
“Oh my God! I love you Dellia!” I gasped as she broke the kiss and undid my shirt buttons.
After pulling my shirt off, she traced her fingernails across my bare chest. The sensations she gave me were like nothing else. “I love you Dellia, I love your hair, I love your deep, beautiful eyes, I love ev-“
“Seriously Duke, just say you love me. Don’t say anything else, just say you love me. Say you love me seven times.”
“Uh… sure.” I thought I was making it better complimenting different parts of her and the specific number of times kind if weirded me out but whatever she wanted was alright with me.
As she worked her fingers down from my chest to my stomach, I told her I loved her again, by the time her hands got to my belt, I’d said it again. On the third ‘I love you’, she was unbuttoning my trousers and going “Yes, tell me you love me.” Like some sort of high had taken over her.
My trousers were already off by the fourth ‘I love you’ but then something shifted. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but I could tell there was an off vibe in the room. I remembered my sister’s warning. I’d definitely done more than hug Dellia.
“Dellia, stop. Get off me.”
“No, no, no. Don’t stop now, keep going. Keep telling me you love me. Just three more left.”
“I don’t want to Dellia. This isn’t doing it for me, okay?”
“Don’t be silly. Look, I’ll blow you if you just say it three more times.” She motioned to pull down my boxers, I had to stand up, knocking her off me.
“Dellia, why do you need me to say ‘I love you’ seven times?” I was now standing in a corner of the room with my hands over my manhood with Dellia kneeling where she’d fallen on the floor.
“Just say it and you’ll find out. Trust me.” She crawled towards me on the floor with movements so seductive, they should have been illegal. I was starting to consider just going through with it.
“By the way, you have to start over from one now ‘cause you broke the chain.” She winked up at me. When had she gotten across the room? She looked so pretty. What was the worst that would happen? Maybe I should just-
RIINNGG!! RIIIIIIINGG!! My phone interrupted my thoughts. “I-I’ll get that.”
“No. Leave it. Don’t let anyone interrupt us right now okay?”
“It could be important. Let me just-“
“Just shut up and say it!!!” She screamed. My phone and a few other things got knocked clear across the room seemingly by nothing. My phone even embedded itself in the wall. It also stopped ringing which I believe was what she aimed for.
That settled it. This girl was no normal woman and I needed to get lost immediately. She stood up, and pulled me by the chain I wore around my neck, guiding me to the bed.
Seeing an opening, I reached into a reserve of power I didn’t even know I had. I pulled my neck back with enough strength to cut the chain and sprinted out the door only bending to pick up my briefs. I wore them as I ran. I could hear Dellia in the distance calling me back.
I didn’t listen, I ran to the taxi that brought me to the village. Driver always slept in his car. I knocked frantically on the windscreen as I ran up to him.
As soon as the car was unlocked, I got in and locked all the doors.
“Lagos. Take me to Lagos now. Quickly, quickly!”
“But boss, why are you not wearing any clothe?”
“I said drive!!” I yelled at the poor man as loud as I could. “Can you imagine? He’s asking why I’m not wearing clothe. Better face what you’re being paid to do and mind your business.”
“Yes sir, sorry sir.”
On our way out, we met a curious trio. Fat, elderly women. Typical village grandmothers except in that they stood blocking the only way out of the village in the middle of the night.
Driver had to stop in front of them when he saw them. Once he stopped they moved toward the car. I didn’t know what they wanted, and I did not care. I motioned with my hand for driver to move as soon as they’d cleared the way.
As though they knew, they moved to block the way again. This scared me even more since I’d put my hand in a place they couldn’t possibly have seen it.
Turns out, all they wanted was for me to advertise some handmade wooden beads for them back in Lagos. They seemed ominous though. Especially when one of them spoke to me and I could swear she had at least ten voices leaving her mouth at once.
All in all, I’d left the village in one piece and thought I was free, little did I know, the village went back to Lagos with me. And that the hotel would be far from my final encounter with Dellia.
Note:
This is a series based on a movie of the same name which I think had a great concept but terrible execution. I am also aware that I had a series I begun here but did not finish and that is because i haven't worked out some things. But once I do, I'll get back on it.
Next

I just started the game 2 days ago, and have been playing it non stop. My first playthrough I had Khuzait horse archers, because I though mongolian pillagers would be kinda cool. I didn't know at the time, but they are OP as hell. It worked out very well and I made A LOT of money and any battle was relatively easy as long as it wasn't in a town or a siege. I started a Vlandian game, because I wanted knights and shit but these troops kind of suck compared to the Khuzaits, or atleast I do not know how to play with them. I had 48 troops and went into a battle against 25 Battanian archers. They holed up in a corner of a mountain and just started shooting at us so I just had them crawl with their shields up through the whole town, we won but we lost 25 men. My 8 crossbow men we're no good in an assault. It's hard to build them up because they die so easily and only troops they let me recruit are literal recruits. I don't know if it's tied to the prosperity, because honestly they aren't doing do well in this game.
TL;DR : Any tips for commanding your soldiers better?

First Last
Once Lizra and Human crested the hill, in front of them was a long rocky peninsula which jutted out into the turquoise green waters of Quori. It split through the ocean like a dagger, the white foam of waves washing onto it trying to bury it beneath the tide. Lizra hopped down from Human’s shoulder and bounded down the path to a secluded black sand beach nearby. Looking out over the waters, the semi-circle outline of the red giant was slowly dipping below the horizon. The water shimmered in the red light, shifting from green to a vibrant yellow in the sun’s intense glare. The sounds of waves crashing ashore was all that disrupted the world around them, a tranquility undisturbed except by nature itself.
“I remember you talking about a beach back at the facility, and how much you wanted to go to one. So I chose this place specifically since it has the most impressive on Quori. We should be far enough away from the town that nobody will bother us. It’s empty this time of day since they don't wish to trek all the way back in the dark.”
“Can you see fine in the dark?”
“Well no, not really; but Tic-Tac said it wouldn’t be a problem for you.”
“Yea, it’s not a problem,” Human said, walking out onto the shore. The tiny black stones of the beach crumbled underneath him, each step transforming the rocks into a fine sandy powder. He stopped a few meters before the water, gazing out into the setting sun that was trying to escape below the waves. He set the boxes down beside him and slowly seated himself on the beach, resting his hands on his legs and watching the world from between his knees. The green wake slowly washing up and licking the edges of his boots as he sat there.
“Is it everything you were expecting?” Lizra asked, going over to Human and sitting atop the boxes.
“Even better. Thank you.”
The two sat patiently for a breath, taking in the ocean vista before Lizra spoke again. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of seeing things like this. Places like these are why I love the Outer Worlds so much. Untouched, pristine, just existing in their own little pocket of the galaxy. One thing we have that The Core worlds don't, is real genuine nature. I know you’ve needed something to take your mind off... well everything. You always seem so down and stuck in your own head. I hoped this could help you clear it.”
Human sat quietly, watching the sea rise and lower, like a creature breathing in a slow steady rhythm. He lifted his arms up to the base of his head before stopping, hesitating as if he was thinking something over.
“I think… It’d be even better to see it with my own eyes.” He submitted to the thought and released the clamps at the base of his helmet. A small hiss of air escaped from the edges before he pulled it off his head. Multiple wires and connectors dislodged from his ears and mouth as he let the mask fall into the sand with a heavy thud. His pale hairless scalp a stark contrast to the pitch black beach around them, and his sunken features told the story of someone who had seen better days. A jagged red scar ran from the side of one of his eyes to the back of his head, breaking up the symmetry of his face. He brought an armored hand up to block the light of the red star in front him, squinting his eyes which weren’t adjusted to the newfound intensity.
“It’s… a lot brighter than I thought it would be. And everything’s so… quiet.” He sat still as his eyes adjusted to the new environment. “I don’t hear it all anymore. The little things scurrying in the rocks behind us, the restless buzz of the city… the constant sound of your heartbeat. It's actually quiet for once.”
“I didn’t know you always heard those things.”
“You get used to it if it's all you’ve ever known. This feels so strange, like losing one of your senses you’ve had since birth. Is this how it is for you?”
“Only in places like this. Away from it all.” Lizra said, curling up into a little ball, enjoying the serenity of the occasion and the sun on her speckled fur.
“It’s nice, you were right. It’s different to actually feel the heat of a star on your own skin.” The pair didn’t say anything for a long while, taking in and appreciating the peacefulness of the moment that they were sharing. The sun was nearly set by then, great crimson beams of light broke through the gaps of the orange clouds above setting the sky ablaze. Lizra finally broke the silence between them, “I forgive you, you know. You don’t have to feel bad for what you did. You didn’t know what you were doing.”
Human didn’t reply for a short moment, a bead of water slowly emerged from his scarred eye and splashed into the rocks below. “No… I knew what I was doing.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened to my people. It was a long time ago.”
“Not for me.” Human replied with a whisper, closing his eyes as he looked down at the sand underneath him. “I had a long time in that pod in the beginning, no way to escape my thoughts. Nothing to do except dwell on everything I did over and over, again and again. You don’t know what I did, the people I hurt.”
“I know that you’re not the same person that was there all those years ago. I can tell that you are genuinely sorry for your actions, and someone who feels that kind of remorse deserves a second chance.”
“How can you forgive me so quickly? I haven’t done anything that could even remotely make up for the things I've done.”
“Because you want to be better. That shows that deep down you were always a good person. Regardless of what you might have done, you can still make the universe a better place here and now. That’s more than enough in my eyes.”
“But it's not enough!” yelling the words as he stood up. Lizra hadn’t ever heard Human speak like this before. “How can that be enough? I haven't even done anything yet!”
“It’s not about what you did, it’s about what you’re going to do moving forward.” She stated as she sat up, locking her small eyes with the creature towering above her. "Whatever you may have done, you can always atone for it by doing the right thing now."
“That doesn’t fix anything I did! No matter what I do now, however many fucking lives I save! I can never go back and salvage the ones I ripped apart.” He yelled, turning away from her, hands clenched into fists. “That’s all I was made for after all! I wasn’t made to differentiate between right and wrong, good vs evil, to think. That was never supposed to be my problem. I was made just to do as I was told, and let somebody else worry about the mess. All I’m good at is destroying everyone and everything around me. Is that the kind of person that you think can be salvaged!? You wanna see how great of a person I've always been?”
Human reached over to something on his chest with trembling fingers. Nestled between the plates of armor and his bodysuit were a few small pieces of paper. He pulled them out as he turned around to the tiny Elyrian and threw them into the air over her. Lizra ducked down in fear as the photos floated to the ground around her nearly getting caught in the breeze.
“That’s how good of a person I was. See that happy little family in those pictures? How great and wonderful their life was?” Lizra picked them up and looked down at the small collection of images in her paws. They appeared to be a personal keepsake one would have on them to remind them of their family. The first showed two of her own species at a beautiful Connection ceremony, happy to spend the rest of their lives together at a beautiful mountain temple. The next was them holding a newborn child, you could see the joy in their eyes as they gazed down at it. Next they were in a town, the father holding the little one up in the air as it smiled. There was one of two younglings playing together in a grass field while the mother ran after them trying in vain to catch them. The last showed the family of four together, the now grown baby from the second image lifted the father off the ground laughing as they tried to recreate one of the earlier frames.
“I slaughtered them, watched them bleed out and die one by one. And what did I do the whole time? I was laughing, I was fucking enjoying another casual day at work as the little ones begged for their lives crying, and had watch their parents be executed right in front of ‘em. Is that something that someone who was always a good person would’ve done?”
“Who are you to forgive me? What gives you any right to say that I’ve changed and am any different from the monster who murdered that family? I’m not someone who deserves a second chance at anything! I don’t deserve anyone's forgiveness or sorrow or any of that shit. All I deserve is to be put down and forgotten about like the rest of my people! Maybe then, when we’re all dead and gone, the universe would finally be a better fucking place!”
“Human, I-I apologize that-” Lizra tried to speak but was cut off.
“You apologize? for fucking what? What do you possibly have to apologize for? You weren’t the one that looked them in the eye and pulled the trigger with a smile. You live in this happy little bubble where everything’s so great and nobody’s truly all bad, just misunderstood. Well news flash Lizra, the universe isn’t some magical place where the good always win and the bad guys lose. Cause if it were, I should've died a long time ago.”
Lizra looked away from the images clutched in her shaking paws, tears flooding her own eyes now. “Well excuse me for thinking that there might be some remnant of a genuine person behind that emotionless facade you put on. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the monster everyone wants me to think you are. But clearly that's all you see yourself as. You may have escaped from the human ships, but if you can’t escape from your own head then what was it all for? Why even go through the trouble if you’re just going to sulk around feeling sorry for yourself until the end of time?”
“Sorry for myself? I’m not sorry for myself, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about myself or how I feel. The only thing I even remotely feel sorry for is all the ones that actually deserve to be alive instead of me!”
“Does it feel good taking that anger out on me? Do you feel better yelling at the one person who's tried to show you that there's more to the world than just anguish and sadness?”
“I just can’t wrap my mind around it. You don't know the first thing about me! And yet you sit here and tell me how I should feel? As if someone like you can even begin to comprehend what I’ve seen, the shit I’ve done. You think I’m someone deserving of kindness?” Human nearly crying now, getting his words out between choked breaths. “All my life, this universe has shown me nothing but malice and hate from the moment I was forced into existence. And from that day on, I've made sure everyone else felt just as awful as I have. So what have I done to earn anything better?”
“You don’t need to earn the right to feel better! You’re not going to go out and do some heroic act of redemption that magically makes you feel better about everything!” Lizra yelled back, getting just as emotional as Human was. “You don’t need to save me from the great danger of someone walking out of a store, or go back in time and rewrite the history of my people, for me to forgive you. The fact that you’re here now, yelling your heart out on this beach, proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that you’re more than just some mindless weapon like everyone thinks you are. You have thoughts, feelings, regrets, that's why you deserve a second chance.” She was panting, nearly out of breath from the way she was yelling back at him.
“You just have to want to do some good in this life, and maybe then people won’t see you as l something that needs to be feared. Maybe once people realize there’s more to you than just pent up destruction, they’ll actually want to be around you. And when you wake up and see that everyone around you can care about you, might just start to feel a little bit better about yourself.” Lizra spoke, putting the pictures down and wiping the tears from her eyes.
Human stood motionless glaring at his trembling fingers before falling back into the sand. He brought up his hands to his head and yelled, there were no words behind it, but the meaning was clear to everyone there. Lizra carefully picked herself up off the box and stepped over to Human laying down on his back. She sighed wrapping her tail around him and rested her head against his. Then he began to cry for the first time in his life.

First Previous Next
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“Is that a threat?” I countered plainly, simply, and with my hand brushing against the back of my pistol.
“No, newrealmer.” The apprentice replied with a nonchalant, conversational tone of voice, having dropped that momentary rise in intensity. “I am merely referring to this little mixer. Which, I believe, I should allow you to get back to. But just be warned, it would be wise to heed my words. Though I highly doubt this will be the last you’ll be hearing of this, as perhaps clarification will be needed to address exactly what is and isn’t acceptable and tolerable. Then again, I doubt even that will be my purview. Oh well…” The apprentice shrugged, cutting himself off and removing the little blanket of darkness before he could get into another one of his long-winded tirades.
The darkness disappeared as abruptly as it’d arrived. Moreover, if the sensor readings didn’t already make it clear, it was now very much evident to me that the shadowy bubble I’d been thrust into wasn’t some kind of portal or spatial anomaly, but a careful manipulation of light; separating our small space from the rest of the gathered crowd. A crowd which, much to my surprise, didn’t seem at all fazed by the scene. If anything, the sudden and inexplicable appearance of the apprentice seemed to only result in the expected nods of respect, and bows of deference.
No words were exchanged between the shadowy apprentice and the gathered group. Instead, only a glare and a nod of respectful warning was given; generating an immediate shift in the atmosphere.
A vibe that immediately read as: Tread Lightly.
Silence permeated the immediate aftermath of that encounter. Whilst concern over the apprentice’s actions brewed inside of me, forcing me to consider the implications of this first open attempt at information control, and more worryingly… if he was acting on his own volition or at someone else’s standing orders.
However, despite the general submission to the apprentice’s presence and the unspoken warnings toward the group as a whole, the mileage by which the warning was taken… varied considerably.
The tortle-like-turtle, along with the rest of his group and some scattered compatriots, simply left.
Ladona and a few others remained there for a second longer, before likewise breaking course, returning back to Auris Ping and the rest of their group.
Etholin and the group of crocodiles however, whilst relatively unnerved and cautious, actually took a few steps towards me.
“Well then.” The orange and yellow Viscount Gumigo broke the silence first. “You, newrealmer, are now officially on our sight-map.” He spoke in a manner that because of his cocksure and gung-ho demeanor, made it difficult to determine if that was a particularly good, or a particularly bad thing. Though the fact he also left quickly after saying that, probably implied the sentiment lay somewhere in between.
“We'll have our eyes on you.” One of the crocodiles spoke, using two of his three fingers to point towards his eyes, before shooting them back towards me.
“And our ears too!” The smallest crocodile yapped through a confident grin, before just as quickly bolting off.
This left only the small ferret as the last one standing, as he once more craned his head up higher and higher, just to meet my eyes.
“T-the offer from before still stands, earthrealmer.” Etholin began, generating a brief instance of a privacy screen around us. “The offer to parlay that is. W-with the added caveat of guaranteed discretion on my part.” The ferret’s mild-mannered demeanor remained all throughout, even as he tried his best to infer something other than skittish nervousness through his words. “You were leading towards something, a topic which… while admittedly taboo and borderline preposterous, entering the realm of absurdity, is one that I very much wish to hear more of. Will you walk with me, Emma Booker?” The ferret gestured towards the second nook. “We don't have much time before the end of this mixer, after all.”
I nodded cautiously, prompting the ferret’s privacy screen to grow stronger with mana radiation, a confirmation that these things did take more effort to maintain when in motion.
“I’m flattered they even bothered to entertain my explanations in that case.” I offered, trying to keep the conversation rolling as it naturally veered towards one of the points I wanted to touch on; gauging the crowd from earlier using Etholin’s insight. “After all, it would’ve been much easier to simply disengage and disregard, rather than to engage and actively humor my points.”
“Indeed. Though this perhaps due in no small part to the… unconventional and daring plays of your vastly inferior hand.” The ferret paused, before quickly correcting himself just as we arrived at the third nook. “I… I meant no disrespect with that of course!”
“No offense taken, at least not at this junction, Lord Esila.” I offered with a sigh, urging him to continue.
“A newrelamer’s deck is often composed of cards stacked against their favor from the moment they step into the nest of intrigue that is the Academy. Your… unique predispositions, whilst seemingly a handicap, have been overshadowed by your peers’ classroom performance in the form of your current points, and most notable of all… your library card. Whilst the former is subject to the whims of the academic game, the latter… has become a foundational cornerstone to your lore. This, amongst a few other rumors and whispers, has forced the student body to reassess its stance on what would otherwise be an easily-dismissed existence. Indeed I… applaud your risk-taking maneuvers during that fateful assembly. Though I can imagine it did not come without its price.”
That latter, almost ominous statement, immediately put me in mind of Auris and the resultant cold war stemming from our two fates that’d become inexplicably linked after that assembly fiasco.
A pause quickly punctuated the scene, with Etholin looking up expectantly, as I took a moment to get a closer look at the third nook and all of its magically-derived shenanigans; namely the battle-lines now drawn into what appeared to be a fully actualized, highly-rendered battlemap, and miniatures of several towns and cities scattered across it.
“All decisions have their prices, Lord Esila.” I offered earnestly, just as the lines in whatever magical RTS game happening in the background behind him were shifting. “Indeed, as much as I appreciate your insight on this matter, this does raise the question—”
“You backstabbed my third guard unit, Lord Etale!”
“Well, YOU lied to me about the shipment of grain, Lady Evrail!”
I paused, momentarily distracted by the drama quickly manifesting in the background.
“—why exactly do you seem to be more invested in me than most? Now, I’m not saying I’m not appreciative of course. I genuinely, and wholeheartedly, wish to form more bonds amidst an… in your own words — nest of intrigue. However, I am merely curious.”
“Perhaps I see this as a risk worth taking, Cadet Emma Booker.” He offered with a twitch of his ears. “Perhaps, I see that the benefits of discussing matters, of forming at the very least a working relationship, is now worth the potential risks following your elevation from a mere newrealmer, to a potential player in the game.”
A momentary silence once more descended following that answer, as I paused to ponder the sincerity behind the ferret’s voice, amidst the growing chaos and rapidly deteriorating battle-lines of the game behind him; towering high-rises and windmills alike, crumbling amidst a barrage of tiny magical missiles hurled to the tune of tiny mana radiation signatures.
However, just before I could formulate an answer, a series of bells suddenly sounded above us, eliciting the attention of not just me and my gathered audience, but the rest of the room as well.
It was around this time that the musical ensemble from one of the nooks came forward, carried aloft on a floating invisible platform, as the ‘MC’ began addressing everyone in the room. “Princes and Princesses, Lords and Ladies… newrealmer… may I have your attention, please! The time for dinner has arrived! As a result, it would be our pleasure once again to serenade the end of today’s mixer.” The ‘MC’ quickly turned towards the only other noble on stage, who just as quickly began performing.
The question of just how a singular person would be able to play a quartet’s worth of instruments quickly became clear, as disembodied white-gloved hands manifested out of nowhere, and began playing a sharp and whimsical tune.
“It stands to reason that perhaps fate has deemed our conversation stops here, at least for now, Cadet Emma Booker.” Etholin offered.
“There’s more you wanted to touch base on?”
“Y-yes. There is a proposition I wish to pose to you, on the matter of this weekend’s sojourn into Elaseer, and on another matter more pertinent to your time here within the Academy and its many, many factions.”
So that’s what his angle is?
“If it’s a simple nonbinding talk, then sure. Maybe tomorrow after class? Or maybe after Friday’s PE class? As long as nothing else comes up of course.”
“Those are indeed acceptable time frames, Cadet Emma Booker.” Etholin nodded deeply, before taking a few careful steps back. “Till we meet again.”
The sun had begun setting at this point, and as the music prepared to draw to a close, so too did everyone’s formerly talkative spirits.
The wrap-up process was somber, and was rather distinct for each of the little nooks within the lounge. The first nook, with Ilunor and Rostario, seemed to be tallying up some sort of a scoreboard that floated in mid air, far above the reaches of the pair’s short little arms.
The second nook however seemed to be dealing with a lot of cleanup work, as the animated paper birds, dragons, gryphons, and dragon-wyvern-gryphon hybrids were practically torn to shreds by the end of it. Whatever animated battle had transpired, I was apparently not privy to. But I made an immediate mental note to both myself and the EVI to focus on that nook the next time around.
The third nook, the one I’d seen towards the tail end of the mixer, was my main fixation at this point however; as the students here seemed to be tallying and wrapping up what was effectively a magically actualized version of a hybrid between a real-time strategy and a table-top roleplaying game. Except instead of holograms, they dealt with fully autonomous physical miniatures, small representations of anything from your archetypal knight to what looked to be a heavily armored… dare I say it, renaissance looking APC… if that was even a thing. I tended to stay away from fusion fantasy stories, being known as a stickler for minimally invasive crossover settings, so I’d need to look this over with the EVI after work was done. Many of the miniatures however lie in tatters, mauled and torn apart across the mini battlefield. But just like the second nook, this mess didn’t seem to be a problem; a series of magical spells restored every model back to their original condition.
Though following the cleanup, I’d expected the tensions from earlier to spiral into some form of a duel. Similar to how Ilunor and Rostario had seemingly been riled up from what amounted to a minor confrontation.
This, surprisingly, didn’t happen. Instead, and much to my surprise, the group just ended up shaking hands in a surprising display of sportsmanship.
But while the first three nooks were rather straightforward, the fourth nook… I just couldn’t comprehend. Their incantations of darkness seemed to have brought about some sickening creature that disintegrated into what I could only describe as liquid shadow following the call for dinner.
Which left only the fifth nook, who were essentially already packed up, with their musical instruments disappearing either into a burst of smoke or into a small dimensional rift-in-the-wall.
That, I’d need to investigate down the line.
For now however, I turned towards the exit, towards the animated painting that had acted as the entryway to the space. One that had now just given up on all pretenses and opened up like a traditional door; exactly as I recalled it on the night of the warehouse explosion.
“So much for all the magical effort that goes into entering the place.” I groaned out, as I regrouped with the rest of the party, but not before Ilunor turned around for one final jab at the hamster.
“You’re a guinea pig, Prince Rostarion!” He seethed, before seemingly out of nowhere, pulling a fruit that looked like a cross between a pineapple and a cantaloup out of his cloak. At which point, he lobbed it, directly towards the hamster who deflected it with a flick of his wrist.
This led to what amounted to an impromptu tennis match that followed us from the lounge, into the halls, and even all the way down the stairs, before it finally came to an end at the end of an upper yearsman’s wand. At which point, a few words were exchanged, and the pineapple found itself floating and following the Vunerian down and into the dining hall. It seemed to get closer and closer to his head, only halted when he turned around to glare at it.
“I… I don’t understand what’s going on anymore, Ilunor.” I offered in an exasperated breath.
“It’s humor, earthrealmer.” The Vunerian responded somehow pridefully, yet defeatedly at the same time. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Dragon’s Heart Tower, Level 23, Residence 30, Living Room. Local Time: 2000 Hours.
Emma
“So what do you make of it?” I asked the gang after more or less divulging the entirety of my encounters during the little ‘mixer’, now that we’d plopped ourselves down on the couch, with a cone of silence deployed for good measure.
“Lady Ladona was attempting to assert some level of social dominance and intimidation.” Thacea began, taking a sip of some tea she’d ordered in from dinner. “Whether or not that is at the behest of Lord Ping’s request, or one committed on her own volition, does not detract from the fact that her actions are invariably representative of her peer group.”
“To which Emma responded in the best way possible.” Thalmin offered with a snarky grin. “Care to revisit that moment you stood your ground against her on your memory shard again, Emma?”
“I’m afraid I have to insist on moving forward with the conversation, Thalmin.” Thacea countered, prompting the lupinor to hold back and to simply shrug, urging the avinor to continue.
“The rest of the crowd seemed… as you pointed out to Lord Esila, surprisingly accommodating all things considered. Though it’s the encounter with Apprentice Arlan Ostoy that I am most worried about.”
“As am I.” I offered, prompting both of us to stare intently in deep thought.
“The man is obviously trying to halt the divulgence of hard evidence to your manaless existence.” Thalmin offered.
“But the enforcement aspect of it is nebulous at best.” Ilunor chimed in. “I believe you will see further expansion upon this warning sooner rather than later. For now I believe it would be best if we heeded those warnings, especially considering the delicate situation we are already embroiled in.”
I took a moment to take all of that advice in, pausing to consider my next course of action with that particular development.
Exhaustion certainly wasn’t something I’d expected to feel this early on in the night. This was especially true when considering that all that had transpired was what amounted to a small social gathering.
Though as my time with the Director had taught me, ‘parties’, and ‘social events’ were two very distinct things. With the latter being less of a party and more of a thinly veiled networking expo disguised under layers of booze, food, and whatever shiny distractions your budget could afford.
But while the social mixer seemed to have opportunities for those to pursue their hobbies, namely in the little nooks… the social event aspect of it was definitely still there. And as a result, it was still something I desperately wanted to recover from.
Though given my track record…
“INFIL-DRONE01a has returned-to-base, Cadet Booker.”
… I should’ve expected that work was going to rear back its ugly head somehow.
Moreover, this was all part of the plan, after all.
The expected downturn in activity was expectedly replaced with the anxiety-inducing apprehension of what was to come.
“Alright.” I announced, both towards the EVI, and outwardly towards the rest of the gang. “The spy drone’s back. Are you guys ready to see what’s on it?”
A series of nods quickly followed, with all eyes averting from the dragon-fly like drone currently docking itself back into my suit.
I held my breath as the data began its tentative upload, a nagging feeling coiling from the back of my spine urged me to prepare for the worst.
“Alert. Probability of stealth compromisation and discovery at 50.27%. Isolate and play moment of stealth parameter endangerment?”
And I just about let loose the largest sigh of internalized stress I’ve released over the past 48 hours.
This clearly brought on the attention of the rest of the group, as each of them leaned closer towards me.
“There’s a near fifty-fifty chance we’ve been found out.” I explained bluntly. “But there’s only one way to find out.” I quickly began setting up the tablet and its on-board projector, flipping it on its kickstand as the recorded footage started playing, zeroing in on the exact instance of mission endangerment.
The footage revealed what appeared to be the same blank void from my long-winded journey towards the man’s office. The blank unrendered walls, the shadowless bright white fixtures, and the floatiness of it all, made it clear exactly where we were.
“At least we’re headed towards Mal’tory’s office.” I offered with a half-hearted laugh.
However, as the footage continued, it quickly became clear to all of us that it wasn’t just the apprentice that was on the prowl towards the black robed professor’s offices.
In fact, as the camera panned up, it became readily apparent exactly who had triggered the stealth alarm.
As it became undeniably clear that the armorer of all people, was now side-eying the drone, cocking his head if only so slightly in the direction of its flightpath.
Throughout all of this however, the apprentice remained locked in her own little world, as she continued talking about subject matters not particularly important, most of which simply related to the class and the more mundane aspects of teaching.
“This is bad.” Thalmin managed out first, sinking the bottom half of his face into his hands.
However, just as those words were uttered, so too did the footage reveal something… peculiar about Sorecar’s unfettering gaze.
He winked.
Or at least, in his own little way, as a gleam of light reminiscent of a lens flare emanated from the left visor currently in view of the drone.
All four of us just about lost it at that point.
As Thacea turned towards me expectedly, looking up at me as if I had the answers.
“I… I’m guessing… I mean… He’s perceptive, I’ll give him that. He’s doing something none of the professors could do so far. Heck, not even the apprentice seems to notice. But that wink… I guess…” I paused, before turning towards the EVI. “EVI, any other instances of potential discovery?”
“Negative, Cadet Booker. This is the only recorded instance that surpasses the tolerable threshold.”
I took a moment to sink into the armor. “Well, this seems to be the only instance the drone caught anyone or anything else staring directly at it.” I explained to the group. “Moreover, there were no instances in which Sorecar actually notified the apprentice about this it seems.” I continued, once more reviewing the EVI’s risk of discovery reports.
“The man seems to be somewhat endeared to you, Emma.” Thacea reasoned.
“Yeah… funny the way things turn out, huh?” I offered, before scrolling towards the start of the mission proper, and began playing.
Everyone now became intently focused on the long stretches of silence as the apprentice and professor duo made their way from the class and towards the dark and imposing double doors of Mal’tory’s office.
It was here however, that the first words from the apprentice directly referencing the man were finally spoken.
“Well here we are.” Larial spoke through a tired sigh.
“The office of the great man himself.” Sorecar chuckled darkly, crossing his arms in the process. “Well go on then. Be my guest, Apprentice.”
To which the apprentice nodded, but instead of simply opening the door… she grabbed what appeared to be a small notebook, turning to a page stamped entirely with seals and runes. She took a few steps forward, holding the book up, and outstretching her other hand in what amounted to the most archetypal image of a mage casting a spell I could ever dream up. “Ars la tal te al…” She mumbled in rapid succession, looking visibly silly without my drone’s ability to pick up manastreams due to its limited onboard sensors, and thus giving the gang a small slice of what it was like to see the world through my eyes.
These mumblings however eventually resulted in the doors creaking open, slowly, but surely, and with great strain, being pushed inwards by an unseen force.
“That wasn’t an Academy spell.” Sorecar noted accusingly.
“No, it wasn’t.” Larial acknowledged cryptically, pocketing the book and stowing it away.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Apprentice.” The armorer spoke with a hint of ominous foreboding, visibly hesitant to cross the threshold and into Mal’tory’s office.
“I’m merely carrying out my duties, and the last I checked, those who carry out their duties are impervious to the ministrations of the games fought amongst the issuers of said duties.”
“You see the world in black and white, Apprentice; a fatal misstep once one enters the throes of the game. And the longer you remain in this rat race, the sooner you will come to realize that you must pick a side. Lest you become a liability, or worse, be an intolerable threat to be dealt with.” Those words carried with it what seemed to be a genuine sense of care and concern. Though dour and colored with a severity I hadn’t seen from the armorer so far. Part of me even felt like he could be speaking from experience.
The apprentice only paused for a few seconds, her whole body freezing for a moment as if considering the very real looming threats.
However, no sooner did that realization come did it also dissipate, as she let out a sigh, before pulling out a monocle from beneath her cloak. “You speak as if I have a choice, Professor. Where in reality, the only choice I have is to resign or to obey. In which case, I have little choice at all.” Larial’s eyes wavered as she said that, if only for a moment. “My choice was made the moment I left the crownlands. Moreover, I try my best to see the light in this dire situation. I still see this responsibility as an opportunity for me to also work for myself.”
“So you do have aspirations for the black-robed position.” The professor surmised.
“No. Not particularly anyways. No, what I meant by my personal responsibilities… is a debt that I must uphold.”
“A life debt, perchance?” The professor reasoned, prompting the apprentice to once more pause.
“A debt is a debt, which must be paid in full all the same.” She reasoned, before once more urging the man across the threshold.
Sorecar did so with a nervous hop, as if preempting some sort of trap which never came.
It was at this point that the pair became silent, as if in awe of the room they were now standing in.
Everything about it… was exactly the same as it was on that fateful night. From the dark and moody bookshelves that lined most of the walls, to the somber and almost mournful pieces of art, furniture, and knick-knacks that looked eerily fluid this time around.
Moreover, the centerpiece of the whole room, that anatomical live-model of a dragon, remained exactly as it was.
And even now… I could swear that its eyes were staring at the sole occupants of the room, in a permanent expression of shock and dread.
“I assume you’ve never been in the prime iteration of the man’s offices before.” Sorecar reasoned, his gait becoming paradoxically more confident, whilst Larial’s became more and more nervous.
“No. It would seem not.” She expressed through a tentative breath, closing the doors behind them, before going over practically every nook and cranny in the room with both her eyes, and a flight of magical gloved hands. “It would seem as if he didn’t trust me enough to allow me entry into his true domain.”
“Understandable.” Sorecar shrugged. “But that begs the question, exactly how did you come across that seal-breaker?”
“As I said before, Professor. I’ve been assigned this responsibility by three authorities simultaneously.”
“Let’s see… the weak-willed young Vanavan?”
“Yes.” The apprentice nodded, now kneeling in front of the chair I’d broken out of half a week ago.
“And the Dean as well, I imagine?”
“Correct.” She nodded again, this time placing her hand over top of the damaged chair, as if inspecting it for signs of tampering.
“And the third, the only one with the key to the prime iteration of the black-robed professor's offices… I assume this is a third party?”
The apprentice finally paused at that latter question, though it wasn’t clear if it was because she discovered something about the chair, or was more concerned about the question itself.
“Yes.” She finally responded after a tentative few seconds, moving over towards the back of Mal’tory’s desk.
“Am I correct to assume then, that this mysterious third party is some young and aspiring member of the inner guard? A Captain perhaps? Maybe even a Major?”
“I am not at liberty to discuss the nature of my superiors, Professor.” Larial concluded sternly, placing both of her hands atop of Mal’tory’s desk.
“But you just did.” Sorecar shot back with a tone of voice that could only be described as amused and cocky.
“I did so in the hopes of appeasing your curiosities, professor, to the point where perhaps you would be satisfied with two answers out of a total of three.” The apprentice responded with a hard sigh.
“And you just so happened to have chosen to stop at the mystery individual because that was perhaps the juiciest insight out of all three?”
“I stopped because that just so happens to be the third question on your roster, professor. Now please, I need a moment of concentration.”
“Apologies, apprentice.” The man craned his head down in a show of apologetics.
The silence finally prompted Larial to bring out what looked to be a bespoke, intricately crafted, and fancifully adorned magnifying glass. One that was tastefully sized, and looked genuinely cool to hold with its cherry-oak handle and its gold and silver decals. I would’ve killed to have something like that commissioned out-of-pocket for a Victorian steampunk cosplay. This, coupled with the monocle she had put on not a few moments prior, gave an almost period-appropriate air of some Sherlock Holmes flick; vibing quite well with the room’s Victorian aesthetic.
Even Sorecar of all people seemed to fit weirdly well, as some sort of an eccentric overly curious sidekick to the serious and strait-laced Detective Larial. These dynamic duo vibes would be further tested, as Sorecar continued pushing on his previous talking points. “Though, forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds here… but I do assume that the seal on your notebook belongs to the inner guard. Dare I say it, it reminds me of a sub-order within the guard, the Beholders of His Eternal Majesty, to be precise.”
“And what makes you think that, professor?” Larial shot back curiously, cocking her head, but still completely engrossed in whatever it was she was eyeing through that magnifying glass.
“This room we’re in.” Sorecar gestured aggressively. “This is its prime iteration, the real deal, the actual room, not a tertiary, let alone a secondary decoy to be accessed by a lesser seal or an attempt at physical trespassing. Now, for any other office within the castle walls, that access could easily be explained through the utilization of the Dean’s seal. But for a black robed professor’s office? Well… you know as well as I, that no academic authority can grant you access into what is effectively the crownlands’ consulate. I know for a fact, that the last time I entered a black-robed professor’s office with the Dean’s Seal, all I saw was the most unconvincing facsimile of the prime iteration.”
“I forget sometimes that you were once perhaps an apprentice as well, professor.”
This attempt to connect with the apprentice through personal anecdotes seemed to work for a little bit, before something caused the warmth from the apprentice’s face to fade entirely.
“What is it?” Sorecar urged, noticing the radical shift in their back and forths.
No sooner was that question raised did an audible CLICK soon follow, and the sound of a desk drawer opening filled the stale and stagnant air soon after.
From there, the now-silent apprentice cautiously pulled up two items from the unlocked drawer using some sort of levitation spell; only one of which I recognized from that fateful day.
In one of her hands was the crystal ball I saw Mal’tory stowing away prior to our conversation.
And in the other, was a small notebook bound in bright green leather, one that prompted Ilunor’s eyes to grow wide with worry.
“I believe I have found the last instance of the professor’s personal correspondence to the crownlands.” She spoke, placing the crystal ball down on the professor’s desk. “And I also believe, I have found exactly what our dear Dean, and indeed… my third party is looking for.” She placed the notebook on the table. “A list… containing a number of books marked as recommended reading material for the studious student… all to be issued not by the school’s library, but the Library.”
“None of those books are on the course’s recommended reading material list, I imagine.” Sorecar responded darkly and facetiously.
“No. Not a single one, professor. Which can only mean one thing.”
"We found The Library's burned catalog."
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(Author’s Note: Apprentice Arlan Ostoy, the shadow-obscured apprentice, seems to be rather serious in his attempts at obfuscating the truth! We'll just have to see how that plays out haha. However, in spite of that, we see Etholin's interests in Emma growing, as he speaks frankly with her on several matters, and Emma finally confronts him about just why he seems to be so eager to talk to her despite the taboo nature of her very existence! We also see exactly what the five nooks in the student lounge are up to, as I've always wanted to give the magical world just a little bit more whimsy and a lived in sort of vibe with these things happening all around Emma, and just demonstrating that there is indeed multiple stories and characters just living their own lives outside of Emma's story! That's the sort of vibe that I always love and that I hope I'm able to capture with this haha. Also, most importantly, we start to see the footage gathered from Emma's snooping, as we get to see the nitty gritty of Larial's investigation on Mal'tory! I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 83 and Chapter 84 of this story is already out on there!)]

If you came here from AITAH then you've possibly already read this... if not, this is the story of what unfolded after my Great Uncle Joe passed away, and what has turned into a crazy few days - and maybe a story that will continue for years to come.
A couple of days ago, my Joe passed away at the age of 92. The best way to describe Joe was “eccentric.” He was reclusive and very private, living on what I assume was the last little piece of our family’s property (my great-grandfather had amassed a large amount of land that had been sold off over the decades after his death). A lot of people thought he was a hermit, but I never saw him like that. To me, he was the most compassionate person I knew. He was wise, caring, and honestly the only person in the family that ever spent serious quality time with me.
Joe had always been the odd man out in our family. He was the youngest of three brothers – Alex, (who I’m named after) died in the Korean war and my grandfather Robert passed away when I was still in high school. My family never bothered to pay attention to Joe; he was never invited to family events. In fact, I think he was ignored because he lived a simple life in a shotgun house on what I guess was the last piece of land that my Great Grandfather (GG) had owned. I got the feeling that no one wanted to bother him, thinking he’d just cause them trouble or maybe ask them for money, but I spent a lot of time with him, and we shared many conversations about life, legacy, and the things that truly matter – he never appeared to need anything and certainly never asked me for money.
Now, a bit more backstory on the family. We’ve been in this area for generations, and there's a strong sense of unearned privilege among many of my relatives. Like I said earlier, my GG owned a lot of land, around 60,000 acres to be exact. It was fertile farmland, tracts of timber, and stretched into the mountains where he had leased out select areas for mining, and some of the most beautiful lakes and riverfront in the state. When he died, each of the brothers inherited 30,000 acres from their parents (1/2 to each surviving son of the 60,000 total acres of timberland, mining leases, and game land my GG owned). Our grandfather, like his brothers, sold off his share over the years. He lived large and was married three times, having children with each wife. By the time he died, he had sold off about half his land, and his children (including my father) each received a nice cash inheritance and split the remaining land among them equally.
This should have been plenty for most people to retire comfortably, but not for my family. Each of the children, my dad included, then sold off their land to fund their standard of living until finally there was nothing left. There was a lot of resentment among the uncles and aunts and particularly among the cousins who experienced different upbringings—some of whom had little to no memory of their grandfather and even less knowledge of the legacy my family had been gifted, and squandered. Joe was the only one that seemed to care about the family’s legacy and wanted to preserve some record of it. He would sit with me for hours telling stories. When I came back from Afghanistan and was slowly recovering from my injuries he came and saw me every day. He’d share stories and I’d write them down – I’ve got a heck of a collection to share with my children one day, if I’m ever lucky enough to meet the right lady.
From a young age, I was captivated by Joe's stories about his oldest brother, who died in the Korean War. There was an 18-year age difference between them, so they didn’t share many adventures, but Joe idolized his brother as a hero. Those stories inspired me deeply, and I was the only one in the family who chose to serve in the military. Joe was my biggest supporter during my service and, later, when I was injured and medically retired before I turned 30. After my recovery, Joe encouraged me to pursue a career that would make a difference. Ultimately, I decided to go back to college and attend law school. The two years of law school were a nice distraction from the physical and mental pain I brought back with me from the war, and I ultimately became an attorney advocating for veterans. Now I have a small practice in town and focus most of my efforts on pro-bono work (I’m comfortable on the few paying cases I take at a time and my military retirement). I live and work in a cool old space on our town’s main street that I lucked into at a super cheap rent.
This morning I got a call from my great-uncle’s attorney (who was also one of his only friends). I know him professionally, and he’s a good man – he feeds me the occasional client that’s not right for his firm, and we’ve got a good working relationship. He said that Joe had instructed him to prepare me to be ready to deal with some family drama after his will was read. He said Joe wanted me to know he loved me, that he had confidence that I’d do the right thing, and that he was sorry that I was the only one he could trust to handle “things” appropriately. Cryptic, right? Well, that was pretty much normal for Joe! Damn, I’m going to miss him, but I guess I already said that.
Joe always implied that I was the only one in the family that ever showed him any concern and that he’d never forget it, but we never talked about money or anything else; it wasn’t important to either of us. I think Joe made me realize how much more important it was to be a good man than a rich man and that nothing else ever really mattered. The rest of my family definitely doesn’t see it like this.
Like I said, Joe was the black sheep because he didn’t fit into the mold of privilege and entitlement. Most of the family didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved, and they really missed out on getting to know an amazing person. I will say though that Joe had a sharp wit and wasn’t shy about sharing his opinions of how my father and his siblings had treated the family’s legacy. There’s a part of me that thinks Joe might have set things up to mess with those who ignored him and didn’t honor their heritage and ancestors.
I’m not sure what to expect to come from this, but Joe was eccentric, not delusional – if he said that he was getting ready to deal me some “family drama” to deal with then I believe him, but honestly I can’t figure what it would be. Joe was a simple guy – he never worked that I knew of, and the times I asked him what he did for a living, he’d just tell me that he had my great-grandfather to thank for a nice life. I assume he’s referring to the land he sold off, giving him the means to just hunt, fish, raise his dogs (I’ll have to tell you about them sometime), and spend time with me. Maybe Joe managed to hold onto some cash and was going to make a big deal about what he was doing with it? I suppose some of the family might get spun up about that given the fact there is not much left from what my GG passed on?
I’ll know more tomorrow. The will is supposed to be read on Friday, and I’ll update you then. Maybe I’m worried about nothing, but I feel like I’m about to be in a battle, and I haven’t felt like this since Kabul. I know this isn’t an AITA post yet, but I guess I’m wondering if AIGTBTA – Am I Going To Be The Asshole?
*** MINI-UPDATE **\*
I've had several more calls from extended family asking if I knew anything and I still don't have anything concrete to share but it sounds like everyone over the age of 18 has been asked to come to the reading, that's a little unusual in my opinion but then again I don't know how long ago Joe wrote this will. By my count there could be up to 15 people there tomorrow.
I went to Joe's place to pick up his dog's stuff early this morning (he's living with me now) and as much as I'd have liked to nose around to try and figure out what's going on I have too much respect for him to do that (plus it's not my stuff). There was a stack of bound journals (he's the one that had me start journaling) and other documents on the dining table. Joe had set a note on top asking for them to be delivered to his attorney in the event he passed. I think he knew he wasn't coming back and set them out there so they wouldn't be overlooked when the family came in after he died. He was very concerned that a lot of family history was going to be forgotten when he died. I'll make sure that doesn't happen.
One thing did stick out as strange - the other reason I went by was to pick up his mail so I could drop it at his attorney's office this afternoon before the meeting tomorrow - lucky I did since he left that pile of stuff. Obviously I didn't open any mail, but I can say that it's not what I expected. He spent several days in the hospital before he died and I hadn't been back to his house since he went in, so I knew there would be about a week's worth of mail piled up. I figured it would be mostly bills and junk but several of the letters looked like checks from corporations, including a couple I'm personally familiar with. Maybe he did have more going on than I thought, but honestly it just wasn't ever something we talked about.
Last quick thing and nothing to do with the AITAH thing- only sharing because I'm actually personally excited about something that happened and this is taking the place of my journaling for a couple of day. About a month ago my high-school sweetheart moved back to town to take a position with the local hospital. She used to come to Joe's with me when we were in high school and Joe let us take his brother's car to go to Prom. He really liked her and she always said she enjoyed spending time with him too.
She was a year behind me in school. We tried to keep seeing each other after I enlisted but that almost never works out. After graduation she went to college, then medical school, and did her residency on the West Coast. She rarely came back and I was gone for so long we totally lost touch. It's been over decade since we've actually seen each other, although I did hear from her a couple times after I was injured. Back then she was just starting her residency and between her schedule, the time difference, and my rehab we never really got could find the time to really reconnect.
Yesterday she called me to tell me how sorry she was to hear he had passed and we're planning on meeting for drinks tonight to catch up - hopefully tonight. I really needed something to look forward to and this definitely qualifies!
*** (NOT SO) MINI-UPDATE 2 **\*
Ok, I didn't think I'd be updating again until have the reading tomorrow morning at 10:30, but things are heating up a little already. In addition to the random calls from cousins who knew that Joe and I were close as well as from my siblings, I’ve gotten three phone calls today from the "previous generation".
First call was from my Aunt Debbie, she’s the youngest of my dad’s brothers and sisters and always has been a lot to deal with. She married a nice guy but always is complaining about money, wanting to travel more, buy a nicer home, etc. After my grandfather passed away she spent the money he left her on who-knows-what and within 10 years had sold off all of the land she had inherited. Unfortunately she was selling off land when the market was down during the recession, so what would have probably been worth well over $30,000,000 today she sold for less than a third of that. That’s still a lot of money but it seems like she’s burned through a lot of it already (or given it to her kids). Anyway – she called me to tell me that she knows I’m the only one with a key to Joe’s place and she wanted me to meet her there and let her in this afternoon. I told her I was already busy today and she got a little annoyed and told me not to forget to bring it with me to the reading tomorrow. She said they want to clear the house out ASAP because she's going to develop the land into homesites and needs to get things rolling. This was news to me but I just ignored her and told her I’d see her tomorrow. For reference, I know for a fact that despite living within 30 minutes of Joe she hadn’t spoken to him in over a DECADE!
The next call I got was from my father’s current wife, Jessica. She’s 20 years younger than he is and is the only wife he didn’t have kids with (thank God, and no, I don't care if she reads this). Anyway – my dad’s wife called me and said she knew how much Joe / Alex’s car meant to me and told me that if I wanted to buy it she’d try to give me the first shot at it. I just thanked her and got off the phone. This woman has literally never even met Joe.
Finally, I just got off the phone with my dad. He called me about 30 minutes after his wife did. This is the first time I’ve heard from him since Joe died. My Dad is actually closer to Joe’s age than Joe was to Alex’s. Joe was 14 when my dad was born, like me he was so much younger than his brothers that there was almost a generational gap between them. Joe was probably more like an older brother than a young uncle and for a while they were really close but something happened (no one ever told me what) and there was a falling out.
My dad has a big personality – he’s lived a pretty extravagant life and for despite being nearly 80 years old (yeah, he was over 60 before I got out of high school) he’s still the “big man” when he goes into a room. He was my Grandfather’s oldest son so he’s always taken on the lead role at family events. Like his sisters and brother he sold off his land too, although I know he sold it off in smaller pieces and over a longer period of time. He basically used it as bank account and selling it off was his version of making a withdrawal. I assume he’s set for the rest of his life and I know my brothers and sister are expecting an inheritance when he dies. In fact - they speak pretty openly about it.
My Dad's call was a welcome change after the calls from Debbie and Jessica. My dad actually sounded pretty reserved and a little down. The first thing he did was apologize to me for Jessica’s call. He told me she had no right to do that and she had no say in anything that was going to happen with Joe’s property - or his one day for that matter. Evidently he tore her a new one after walking in on the tail-end of her conversation with me. He told me that he knew I was the only one in the family that spent time with Joe and that regardless of what happens at reading tomorrow he was going to give me anything Joe left him – if he left him anything at all. He told me that he appreciated how much I had done for Joe and that he had regrets about how their relationship had soured. I’ve literally never heard him talk like that before and it honestly has me a little emotional. It sucks that he has to live with those regrets when a 30 minute drive was all it would have taken to start fixing a relationship.
Finally – he told me that he didn’t really know for sure but he suspected tomorrow might hold some surprises. He told me that he’d be there to back me up no matter what happened and that I wasn’t going to be alone. I asked him if he knew something but he promised me he didn’t know anything for sure and that he would have told me if he did. He said he'd just always had suspicions about "some things" and that depending on how things unfolded he didn’t want to see any more relationships go the way his and Joe’s had, or the way Joe and my grandfather’s had.
I told him about the call from Debbie and he said she was way out of line and to not worry about it, that he'd be giving her a call immediately after he got off the phone with me. He also told me that I shouldn’t let anyone else in Joe’s house, that I was the only one Joe gave a key to for a reason and that no one had any business going in there until after the will was read.
Obviously I wasn’t planning on letting anyone in but this was possibly the most supportive call I’ve ever had with my father and I just appreciated that he was planning on standing up for me. My brothers, sister, and cousins (I’ve got 2 brothers, 1 sister and 8 cousins) all got used to a certain way of life from their parents but frankly none of them have been able to maintain it on their own and most of them are pretty petty about it. Their parents aren't much better, despite having had the benefit of a generous inheritance.
I’ve got to stop by the attorney’s office at 4:30 and then I’m meeting Samantha (Sam) for drinks and maybe dinner if we both have time. If you want to hear about that let me know, otherwise I’ll just stick to the family stuff.
*** up-DATE **\*
It’s late – I don’t know if I’ll get all this out but I wanted to write it down before I forgot.
First, Joe’s attorney looks worn out. He didn’t share much when I dropped everything off, just thanked me and we chatted for a few minutes. He did say that he hoped I was going to get a good night’s rest, that tomorrow was going to be long. He also asked how many clients I was working with right now, which was odd, we rarely talk about caseloads. I told him I was just handling some contract work and a few family estate planning matters (ironic, right?). He just nodded and said “Good.” I could tell he wanted to say more but he just shook my hand and said he’d see me in the morning.
Drinks with Sam turned into dinner and then dinner turned into an after-dinner drink before we both had to get home since it’s a “school night”. Seeing her was like stepping back in time... I don’t know about her, but for me all the feelings that I thought were just a high school crush came rushing back as soon as I sat down with her. I know I might just be feeling a little bit stressed by what’s going on and maybe she’s just a welcome relief from a bad week, but I’ll take it for now. She’s done everything she said she would in high school – stayed focused in college and medical school, did her surgical residency in under six years and then her cardiothoracic fellowship. She literally just finished and moved back here as soon as she was done. Evidently she received a full scholarship from a foundation associated with the hospital on the condition she return to provide surgical support to the community for 5 years after she finished her fellowship. We’ve got a fantastic hospital but I guess it’s always a challenge to recruit talented surgeons. I told her about my practice and the veteran advocacy work I do. I told her I didn’t plan on getting rich doing it but that I enjoyed being home and that the connection I felt to the land here just keeps growing stronger.
We talked a lot about Joe. She surprised me when she told me that she kept in touch with him even after we stopped seeing each other. She’d call him once a month or so to see how he was doing and she had evidently visited him when he was in the hospital during his last few days. He never told me that she stayed in touch – in fact we never spoke much about her at all. I hadn’t seen her in ten years and frankly didn’t think she’d ever come back from the West Coast. I’m starting to think that Joe kept a lot of secrets.
I told her about the reading of the will tomorrow and the phone calls I’d gotten today she got visibly upset when I mentioned the comment about the car and I think she almost cried when I told her my aunt wanted to tear down Joe’s house and divide the land up for a bunch of houses.
Then she reminded me about Joe’s plans for a house… I had completely forgotten that back when she and I would go over there regularly he had pulled out these extensive plans for a large home that he said was designed to be built on the slope of the valley, overlooking the river below that fronts the property. It was intended to be a family home, but without a family he never saw the point of living anywhere other than his house.
He had done the designs himself, drawing every architectural detail, making landscaping plans, even identified the site. He was quite an artist and had put so much of himself into those plans. I can’t believe she remembered them but she said she always wanted to see that cabin in person and couldn’t bare the thought that someone would chop up the beautiful property just to put in a bunch of McMansions for the crowd coming out from the city for the weekend and summers. I told her I was going to do everything I could to prevent that from happening but that I didn’t know how it was going to turn out.
For a while I forgot about tomorrow and we just got caught up on what we’d been doing. She let me share what I wanted to and never pried for more information. We ended up holding hands across the table, which somehow felt incredibly intimate. When it was time to go I walked her to her car and opened her door for her. She turned to me and we hugged for what seemed like a full minute before she sat down and I closed the door. She rolled the window down and told me she wanted me to call her right after the will is read and that if I needed her to she’d be there if things got unpleasant.
So that’s it – kind of a perfect way to end the day. I wanted to get this out before I went to bed, it’s helping me keep my head clear. Next update will be after the will is read.
NOPE: I was literally about to hit post on this and my phone dinged with a text from Sam. I’ll just put it here exactly as I got it: “Tonight made me feel like life interrupted something special 18 years ago. Let's not let it interrupt us again.” I guess it wasn’t just me.
I think whatever happens tomorrow I’ll be fine. Next update will be after the will is read. Thanks for all the comments - honestly this is very cathartic - even the ugly ones.
*** UPDATE-ISH **\*
Ok - this morning has been crazy. There is too much to unpack here all at once and I'm supposed to go back in with Joe's attorneys in a few minutes. The family is mostly gone (I asked my dad to stay) and the firm is bringing in lunch shortly so we can keep working through the details.
Honestly, I don't know what to think. I know I promised an update and I'll try to get one out today, but more happened this morning than I can even think about getting down on paper. I haven't processed most of it myself and this afternoon sounds like it's going to be more of the same.
Some of you were right, and yes, there was drama. Also - I know I'm not going to be the asshole but I can already tell not everyone is going to feel the same way.
Side note - Sam called me this morning and told me not to let the property go no matter what. She even offered to help me pay for it while I figured things out. I've got a lot to talk to her about. I know I need to get to know the adult Sam and she needs to get to know me but for now it's good to have someone to talk to since I can't talk to Joe.
*** Update : Reading of the Will Part 1 - The Letter **\*
This day has been ridiculous. I'm sad, angry, honored, and humbled all at once, and processing that is harder than I thought it would be. I'm waiting on Sam to get done at the hospital – she’ll call me on the way here. I've got a lot to talk to her about and I haven’t told her anything yet. Let me first say that I'm not comfortable sharing the full details on everything going on right now but I won't hold back on the people side of things. I’m also going to have to break this up into a couple of posts I’m sure… sorry this is long but this is just how I journal.
As I mentioned already, the day started really well. Samantha called me first thing this morning - I didn't text her back last night because it was so late and I was really tired. I also wanted time to think about "us" (if there can even be an us already?) before I spoke with her again. I'm not a rash person. I've never been someone to rush into anything and frankly I've not had a serious relationship since Sam and I broke up. I've had a series of girlfriends, some that I loved in many ways, but no one that, in hindsight, I was "in love with".
Between trying to juggle school and the service, two deployments, and then the transition back to civilian life, I just wasn't that interested. Now that I'm back home and have settled in to a life and a sort-of career I've been ready to find someone but frankly I just haven't met anyone who I connect with on a level deeper than just shared interests.
When I woke up this morning I knew that something was different. Despite everything going, on my first thoughts weren't about the reading today, or losing Joe, they were about Sam. As much as I loved that feeling I know it's time to be cautious. I don't want to hurt Sam or frankly, to get hurt.
When she called I wasn't sure what she was going to say but I was honestly a little worried that we wouldn't be on the same page - I shouldn't have been. She told me she didn't want me to freak out about what she said, but that she also meant every word. She wanted me to understand that she isn’t into games, that she’s serious about seeing if the older versions of us are everything we’re both looking for. She wants to pick up where we left off 18 years ago but take it slowly, and get to know each other again. It sounds like we’re on the exact same page, so I guess I’m going steady with my high school girlfriend?
She also wanted me to not worry about the property – she offered to help me buy it if I needed to come up with the money quickly and that no matter what happened between us she didn’t want to see it broken up – that Joe meant too much to both of us to let that happen.
As kind as that was I went ahead called our local bank this morning to ask about getting a loan quickly if I needed one. The loan officer put me on hold when I explained the situation and the potential need to move quickly. He came back and said he had asked the bank president if there was any way they could help. He had been assured that there would be no issue securing any financing necessary. He asked the loan officer to pass along his condolences about Joe, he evidently had known him for a long time, and said that he was looking forward to meeting me soon.
This left me feeling much more comfortable going into the meeting with my family but nothing could have prepared me for the rest of the day. Now, if I’m being completely honest I really did feel like there was a good chance that Joe would leave the house and car to me simply because he didn’t have a relationship with anyone else in the family, I just didn’t want to make assumption and I didn’t feel like I was entitled to anything simply because of my relationship with Joe.
When I got to the firm’s offices I was shown in to their largest conference room. I was surprised to see several people there other than Joe’s attorney. My father was the only other person there when I arrived, he and the attorney were having a quiet conversation in at the head of the table but stopped when I walked in. Since I’m going to mention him frequently let’s just call Joe’s Attorney JA. JA introduced me to everyone in the room, which included a stenographer, an associate attorney, a gentleman he just referred to as an assistant brought in for the reading stood at the back of the room by the doors.
Now, readings themselves are a little uncommon these days, but still done on occasion (I typically do one or two a year), however I’ve never had anyone else in the room with me and thought this was very strange. I guess I must have been looking at JA with a funny expression because he just raised an eyebrow and shrugged. At about that time people started trickling in until 10:30 rolled around and JA stood and asked everyone to be seated. He then nodded to the gentleman that had been standing in the back who went to the doors where he closed and locked them.
In all there were 9 of us in the room, me, my father, his younger brother and oldest sister, my sister Sarah. Four of my cousins showed up, including my youngest, Emily who was one of the few people that I enjoyed seeing at family events. She’s creative and smart – she just graduated from high school and is getting ready to go to college. I was surprised that she came but I had spent a lot of time telling her about Joe over the last couple of years and had been hoping they’d get a chance to know each other now that she was older.
JA started speaking, thanking everyone for coming and sharing how much he was going to miss Joe, that he was more than a client, he was his oldest friend and he was glad to see at least a few family members come. About 10 minutes after 10:30 someone tried the door and found it locked. They started banging on it and the gentleman in the back quickly moved to open it and step outside. I could see my oldest brother and Aunt Debbie try to push in as he opened the door, only to be firmly moved back as he stepped outside to speak to them. JA stood quietly for a moment and everyone could hear raised voices coming through the heavy oak doors. I heard my brother say something to the effect of “this is bullshit” and Debbie started shrieking before it sounded like both of them were abruptly cut off. A moment later the doors re-opened and the gentleman came back in. Debbie and my brother were gone.
JA paused another moment and then carried on. He explained that Joe had instructed him to ensure that no one join after the meeting began – he told us he was now going to read a letter from Joe, this is a slightly edited copy of the letter he wrote that JA read from:
Thank you to those that showed up, since most of you never bothered to show up while I was alive I wasn’t sure you’d come today! Those that didn’t come, or couldn’t be bothered to on time aren’t missing anything since they aren’t going to be getting anything now anyway.
For the rest of you, thank you, no matter what your motivation was you at least showed up. I’ve left instructions for each of you to receive $100,000 as my final gift to the family. There are not stipulations and no conditions, have fun, do good, use it as your heart tells you. To those grand-nieces and nephews that are under the age of 18 and were not invited, I gift each of them $100,000, which will be held in trust until their 25th birthday.
(It was at this point that I knew something was up – Joe had just given away over a million dollars to people just for showing up on time. If everyone that had been invited had shown up it would have been over 2 million dollars – that was honestly more than I thought his entire estate would be worth.)
Family is important, something that has been lost of too many of you. Some of you got caught up the trappings that came from other people’s hard work, took for granted the efforts of your ancestors and squandered their gifts - and that’s what an inheritance is, a gift, not a right. You prioritized having fun over protecting the legacy so you could pass it on to the next generation.
Only one of you chose to put others before himself. Only one of you has shown respect and appreciation for the gifts of the land, the community that we live in, and the people that came before him, just as his namesake did.
Robert, I hope you’re here for this, we didn’t always agree, and I have so much regret about how our relationship went the wrong way, the fight with your father about his decisions and behavior, shouldn’t have become our fight as well. I want you to know how much I appreciate you bringing Alex into this family, for honoring my brother by passing on his name to him, and for allowing me to have a relationship with him. You’ll never know what that meant to me. I want you to know that I love you like a brother and wish I had tried harder to bridge the divide created by my relationship with your father while we still had time.
(I've never seen my father look so emotional. It was difficult to see the sadness in his eyes but I felt like I also saw pride. Watching him made me start to get emotional as well and I struggled to put my attention back on the reading)
With regard to the bulk of my estate, I leave all my possessions, the land, the house and its contents along with my investments and holdings to Alex. Alex, it will take time for you to go through everything and familiarize yourself with what this means. We’ve been planning this for almost 20 years, your training as a lawyer will be very helpful but pay attention to the advisors we’ve assembled. There will be decisions that must be made. I’ve asked (JA) to give you my journals, along with some thoughts I wanted to save just for you. Please read them and don’t feel like you’re intruding, they’re all that is left of me and I hope they’ll help guide you, my mistakes don’t have to be yours. Someday you may also want to share them with family, they are yours to do with as you wish, these too are part of my legacy.
Now, to the rest of the family, I know that you’ve sold off the land that my father left my brother and me. I know this because I’ve spent the last 50 years secretly buying up every acre you wanted to sell, or buying it back if I didn’t find out in time. I’ve preserved what you were willing to destroy and built on it. I know that most of you have very little left to pass on to your children. So, to you, my family, I leave a chance at a new legacy. I have established a family trust to be overseen and directed by Alex. The trust has been funded with $XX million dollars. It will be up to Alex to decide how the funds are used but he is to appoint a family board of advisors to help preserve our legacy.
Finally, I have established a community foundation, tasked with the mission of helping preserve the way of life that has made this valley special for hundreds of years. I’ve directed $XX million from the estate to create the initial fund but expect that others in the community will add to it. I’ve entrusted the responsibility to oversee this fund to Alex and a select group of community leaders. The others have already agreed to help and contribute, and I hope Alex will honor my wishes that he oversee the fund.
Alex, our family has been part of this valley for over 150 years. For all it has given to us it is now our responsibility to help sustain it and protect it. I know I can count on you to do everything you can to carry on this family’s legacy but beyond that, what I truly hope is that you don’t have to do it alone, as I did. You will always have my love, thank you for giving me yours.
JA looked up from the paper and for a heartbeat the silence was deafening, then the shouting began.
I’ve got to stop here – Sam is on her way and we have a lot to talk about. I was with the attorneys until 4pm. After all the drama unfolded (thank God my dad was there, and that Debbie didn’t show up on time) I still had to spend several hours with the attorneys. I’ll spend the weekend with the journals but I’m sure I’ll be hearing from family all weekend too. I might have to turn my phone off.
Part 2 will probably be tomorrow – I’m hoping to just decompress with Sam tonight. I need a break. Thank you everyone for the well wishes and the good thoughts.

Hello, I can't sleep and Im getting pills for it. I have been awake for 48 hours now. And things are a bit of blur. But I have realised that I have picked up and extreme urge to write. I dont know how or why, but I crank out amazing short horror stories in 20minutes, and cant remember why. i realise that there are symptoms regarding sleep deprevation but whats happening doesnt match anything I've seeh. So yea the compulsion to write is weird and I have developed an obession of posting them to reddit (this I swear is not one), lying and not knowing why to commenters. I had posted a list about of game I like but not that much, the list was a thousand words, and I spent an hour of time doing nothing else making this list, all of knowledge I'd forgotten about. You can find the rest of the messy mesy story, and I lied and said I was high in one post, and took down countless others. I dont even use reddit that much, always that it was a bit weird, and though. I was mostly wrong, I thought I would come here. I have ADHD and focusing is hard for me, and i have never been so hyperifxated on something like that in my life. And then i started a little log to see where im at during my sleepless night. Each hour. I logged. And Logged And logged. I didnt realise how much i was hallicinating, but I think I was in REM sleep and I somehow retained perfect ability to type on keyboard without seeing and look. I thought that everything I was typing made sense, but after kinda snapping out of it, I realised in horror kind of. So i took my photo booth opened, it and ran a video of me. I was in REM sleep for sure, and i was typing unbelievbly fast. I remember everything, I could think and then my hands would type it. I know it sounds weird, but like my imagination, my subconscious thoughts were being projected somehow. Heres all 3000 words and counting of it. the last couple where I do the test make it unclear, but unless someone actually replies to this, I will save images and photos for later. I am currently still hallucinating but not as badly so pardon my misspellings.
Now I Swear on My Life this is real, none of my friends believe me, my sister does though. please help me
Here it is
-1am feeling tired didn’t get to sleep until three last night, so this sucks
-3am haven’t done any work went don’t disturbing internet mystery rabbit hole. Also what will my screen time look like? Not good.
-5am- That’s when it hits you, the birds and the light, worst feeling ever. Microsleep hit, and I hallucinate myself watching a video. WTF.
-8am-I have been writing a short story for the past 3 hours, wtf is wrong with me. I get out of my room at 8:30, and something shocking, happened, I looked in the mirror and I have a six pack? At first I thought hallucination and dismissed it, went and had nothing for breakfast apart from some ice cream. I am scared.
-9am-taken medication feel fine. I have not eaten much and I am aware it is taking a toll on my weight. I have six pack and look shredded. This is not a good thing.
-10am- all my 2500 word essay got deleted. I notice sleep deprivation and medication, has a weird affect. It masks the affects of sleepiness. I feel fine, no fatigue, could work for ever. I have a 1 hour tutor session, let’s see how that goes.
12pm- Finished tutoring session - felt easy speedy and fine. Am heavily addicted to reddit. I feel like the dexiamphetamine is having an affect on my body which makes me entrenctched into whatever I am doing.
2pm- Got to get ready for kickboxing class junior leadership thing. My face is riddled with pimples. This is caused by a lack of sleep and water and proper nutrients.
5pm- I got home, feel fine, it was really cold though. No signs of cognitive decline like I usually show. Actually I take that back, things have become to become distorted, my eyes are messing with me as a result of the micro-hallucinations I am experiencing. I took 2 more dexiamphetamines, probably a bad idea.
8pm-I feel amazing, but at the same time little work as been done on rave. I am completely and utterly obsessed with writing stories, I spent and hour and a half texting my adventure to London, and I begun to get really descriptive. I am not in a good mental state(Not as in depressed, as in I can’t judge if what im doing is weird, it has to be right?).
9pm- Symptoms are really starting to show now. I have been listening to sad songs whilst I write my English, it is a story so it’s going well.
9:30pm- I have spent too long over many hours compiling a list of things I’d like to see in fallout 5. What the fuck, I am at the point in which I can’t take a step back. Computer screen distorted at time. When I am typing, I keep thinking about how to do the hashing technique using curved lines with a ball point pen. I have wrote probably over 800 words disputing claims about my fallout 5 post.
10pm- I have possibly written an amazing English assignment. My dread in which consumes me, about this assignment is keeping me motivated whilst I listen to music(mainly sad music.) I love the start of the song violent crimes by Kanye west, I had that on repeat for a while until I moved onto other sad songs, because I didn’t want it to burn out (its a great song)
10:30 in bed now feeling weird. I was wondering around and yep im hallucinating, and it sucks ass. Minor ones at the moment, which are good, but it’s more like my mind will think something is there that is not. Does that make sense? But then in the hall way, it was dark and as I turned on the light I saw some fucked up face. Alright now im scaring myself jeez.
10:50 So right now typing this the visual hallucinations have definitly set in, it’s weird that I am conscious enough to witness it happen in real time. This doesn’t feel real. How to describe what I’m seeing, like waves silk-like distortions of everything. Right now I look up and I see like silky distortions of the corner of the roof distort and move. It is significantly worse in the dark, as brain has to make up for a lack of what is there. I turned the light on and yes it is better. They are still there but are minor and less apparent. Legitimately everything scares me, my body is jumping, I guess as my brain is focusing as much maybe, and then when I do hear something out of the ordinary it spooks me. I don’t know why but I feel like all of sudden im just gonna go crazy and it’s like a race against time, but it will be slow and I will see how long I can last. Typing has become significantly harder as I loose control of my motor skill which has happened in a short time of 30 minutes. Wow creepy peripherals make up visuals, idk why that is
-11:20- Taken videos as updates. I feel like this is the quiet before the storm. My brain is making things up and it’s pissing me off. It has revoked my right to type, and everything that is not in my direct peripheral now is some sort of the thing. Like bro every key I type my fucking brain slows down, it’s taken me song long to write this one thing. I can’t think of what I want to say to next, that’s a big one. The changes come on so rapidly and everchanging
-11:40-Brain is sending in backups. My typing speed has increased but my ability to spell words correctly is failing. Right now it’s just not fun. No major hallucinations, just a feeling of dread mixed with a nice side of a painful ass headache and a need to go to the toilet. I find it weird however that when writing, usually a mundane task, my brain kind of goes on autopilot, and I have some sort of visual hallunciaiont, this is weird for the reasons stated, and that my hands seem to be moving themselves, and I am watching them, similar to that somen in black mirror, with the museum. BTW black mirror is NOT something you would want to watch like this. I had dream about white Christmas once, and I felt like I was stuck in there for a million years. #existential crisis right. Ok weird, so it seems like when I disassociate my brain keeps typing, I am having a bit of neural input it seems, but my brain fog which was so present all but 2 minutes ago gone. Ok yea noises are starting to appear a bit. Butt cheeks were clenched. I feel like a lifeless dummy rn. Waiting for next phase. (Prayer emoticon). Also why does my fingers just magically know where all the buttons
12am- And the clock hits twelve. Half way there. At the end of this I will have successfully completed 42 hours. Its not a flex or anything I am aware, its just what choice do I have, try and sleep and be constantly reminded of the overbearing weight of the assignments all due this week?? I don’t want to think about that, no-one does. My fucking bad I managed my time wrong im a fucking kid after all. I am going Canberra college next year and this week has been a step in the wrong direction for me. After mum left everything went to shit. I cannot control myself, I am addicted to gadgets. I need to watch my computer to go to sleep or the google home. I have a compulsion to reddit, and I eat like shit. Chicken in some sort, lie about having vegetables. If I even tried to make a food diary of some sort for these last few days, I would be put on fucking trial for the murder of any chance of bitches. I treated my body like shit. The best word I can describe this week in is - Grunge. Like fucking living in your own shit. That’s how I feel. Everyrnight same routine, go on computer, watch videos until 12, watch google home go to bed. But not really.. Instead I would appear to stay up to 2am or 3am and go to bed, eat some food or something I don’t fucking know. I know I am sleep deprived. It is showing in my works. Weird addiction to writing, my adhd hyperfocuses on something. Drawing and Writing. As I write this my brain tries to seduce me into its gaze. The room or just the essence of living is moving, right to left, like im in a slide, and then left to right, and then so on and so forth. I am afraid this is what happens when you eat nothing but sugar and sugar and sugar, don’t sleep and drug your self on drugs. Skin is just a warning, my body brain will be infected I need to stop. I cannot live unregulated.
12:13am- My eyes heart, everything’s shadow is big and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It is hell, and Im not even at the micro sleeps. They sound low-key cool. I am waiting to go out, make myself a wrap with butter, and get around the computer as I mindlessly do nothing. I don’t watch YouTube want, other way round, and thoughts of my intentional original purpose, to do work for school, left the window a long time ago. I close my eyes for a split second and I ee a teddy bear. They keep appearing, things are melting, this is it baby, as Jeff Kinney would say, we in for the long haul. I want to keep typing and I don’t know why, partly because it is cool that I have kept typing this long, and partly because what else do I do. Wait for it to consume me. If I had a pen and paper, I could have drawn the images I see on my computer screen, vague but the all have cross hatchings, a term I am learning. And what happen to monkey type, I swear I searched it. Is it the micro sleep? Is it coming. Yea. Maybe not.
12:30am- Writing these becomes a scapegoat for my mind to kinda control me and I don’t like it, so Im going to keep it short. No differences, Battery low I will have to brave it out of room soon. Hallucinations minimal, and chicken in peripheral which is toy and bedsheet, but I can’t see it as anything else. Cute little reference my brains making, but I have two finder files, and my brain this its two cookie monsters lol. Also eyes are still heavy. I have gained complete and even I would go as far to say enhanced motor control, I feel like I can type fast, and I hear every single click on the key and It freaks me out. I intentionally leave errors in here, not many but some, and my stupid ass thinks im going to read this and think it’s all mysterious. Upon further reflection, I may have been having depth perception hallucinations. What is weird is no vivid hallucinations but everything is something if that makes an inkling of sense. Im not really all there any more. Weird how that works. Time perception is completely altered and distorted. I could have sworn twelve o’clock was ten seconds or 1 hour ago. I cannot swear on either, but ten seconds ago? I could have sworn on one, I cannot remember which one anymore. Speaking my thoughts does not make cohesive notes on my problem and predicament, I should refrain, but sometimes my brain naturally does this. Yea saw souls of the damned again when I blinked, weird, and now liminal shit im seeing, because my brain is like ooh scary I should scream now, and then it pumps out all this shit. It has been 6 minutes since I started writing, that sounds about right, but at the same times that was long, very long, marcy long. (Kill her long). I chicken which is a building waves a hammer at my building. It is the side bar on the right side of my MacBook.
12:37: wanted to wait until 12:40 but time sucks ass and is an illusion. You many know by now that my posts have ramblings of random topic and will veer off. This was not my intention, if I write for longer than a minute I loose my grip on my brain, it starts writing what It pleases. I have to think really hard about what I want to write, even then it just autofilled it. Lucky it’s right. Computer percentage critically low. 9%, yet I am filled with joy and dread right now. I think this could be caused by the effect of my dexi’s that I took, like a long term effect, or rather just the lack of sleep. I am deeply disturebed but interested by myself. I now have real hallucinations now. Files are quickly changed to name. And a beigeish green blood phases through my door fast. If I look at my hands wrong they look like they are encrusted in dry blood. I had to think if blood was the gang or Blud was the gang, that is how you know sjits gone down the drain.
1:00: It is officially one-ocklock and I let my brain take the rails once again(don’t let me down). So right now Im feeling fine, but sometimes I will have clear clarity and feel fine, no hallucinations, no nothing, and this will be followed by an intense one that will not be scary just like kind of convincing. One instance I don’t want to forget is me looking through my old video from a couple hours ago. One of them my arms look weird and photoshopped linked down bellow, and I have like a led type trip. I think it could be inspired by those weird ass instagram reels I watch, but Idk, It was me and that pose, changing shape a bit and material. I was real glossy and like twisted and moulded and back to normal it was weird. I couldn’t see my arms, especially my forearms the same after that. One phenomena which is uniquely odd is the compulsion to write here. I can understand a lack of time knowledge and perception, as it is natural of one when under these conditions, but have loose your sanity to a point where you are able to mindlessly drone on about things happening to you, is weird, weird. It initially started off as an idea, one sentence or maximum short paragraph talking about each hour and how the where different to the next. Also just got jumped scared by the image thanks bitch. Whilst righting this I am aware I made a mistake (writing), I feel like I have some consciousness left, but if I don’t blink it really hit me. So I keep blinking to report back to base. Yea the head is tilting sideways turned into like a fucking dragon praying mantis thing for a sec. Right now I feel alright, the dream is supposed to get to me but it is hard for it to pass, I know that I am supposed to feel creeped out but I don’t, I like it when for a second my brain will just think of something and loose it. One truly weird thing is me being able to hallucinate pictures through the writing. Always cartoons, depicted silly and offbeat. I don’t know why though. Yea Ididnt wright that by the way what the hell. The good ole noggin did. My head stopped hurting, and my neck has softened the blow a bit, and takes a bit of pain not much, and the my neck is also is cricitacl condition, after seeing Moby at the fucking side bar again. This time it wasn’t a chicken this was Moby from fucking Moby and ted. Ok now its ahicken peeking its head out back to straight what the fuck am id doing llama fr fr fr
1:13-computer is low, very low, at 4%. I am back by the way, I got sucked in again but got out and read it really quickly. The fr frfr is from the Tyler the creator song fr fr fr this time. Ya know. Ok so not this time but next time iwirite a paragraph or a time, I am going to record myself, and then when I regain my sanity, I will watch the video to see what I look like, when I am truly not with it. I don’t know if the same thing will happen with this paragraph but I hope not. This notice was just a short one but stay safe. One last thing that is not helping me, I am now scared again, I heard stomping in the kitchen , and I know it could be fake but everything there is stomping in the kitchen I am able to know because if there is at this Time of night I feel my heart drop, and I did which helps add to the case. I don’t eellike investigating but igueess if that is my best option then I will but now is not really there right time. When is ithe right time officers saying gtyring to gain media attention from the main. Never get the fuckout of my house.
1-18am(the test?) So this is the test but I obviously need something to talk about and I have a topic. So basically I think I have cracked the case to the nonsense rambling in which I don’t understand myself. It is a literal projection of what is going on inside my mind. You know how sometimes people will take things literally and then you’re like no I didn’t mean it like that, well it’s kinda the same thing. I say something insidede my head but it comes out through my fingers. And it’s odd because it come with such swiftness and such durability. Right now I a doing it it yes made a spelling mistake whilst looking at my green gamer screen. I don’t know how or why this done. I am back to realign. And yea this is odd, not quite the feeling that I get when I completely disassociate. I am starting to think that maybe I am begging to miceslepe these series of events and include e the within the paragraph, it happen a little bit there, and unlike try to be the bait for other final charges, this on has no backing against it. There it is again, little less than the first time, but my mind wonders and my hand followed. What if I thought some truly despicable stuff, something that would surely get me banned from ever participating in it agin. Now no I have to read this later I don’t really want to hut then again, i if it fits thehe description then we have t o. Brain disrupted my train of thought, I think I had important breakthrough, Never imind I id, the breakthrough was that when I am looking or blurring my eyes, the top of my head the curtain and y alien arms along with the righting combnined to create some sort of card with a circle in the middle in which I can only presume is a play ng car. I am currently doing right now let’s describe. So I hastily have the some sort go grounding I am loosening it,. It is a hashing draw g clear as dal, with I big leak on the right side and spills over, probably
1.28am- the big move. Just kidding I just have to get out of bed. Let’s see who wins me our bed.GUESS FUCKING WHAT BABY I WON. So I should probably start with the obvious what the fuck Is actually happening. Yea will I thought I was fully conscious, dogs barking keeping me in there. So my subconscious is a weird weird weird thing. Yea fuck it’s happening again, I didn’t mean to type that. Ok so talk about more later, but if I can spit it out in time, I enter a state of REM sleep when I start typing, and my brain doesn’t understand what is imaginary and what’s not so it fills in gaps, and whilst doing this, inadvertentltly transposes your visual in real life, and your imagination, until it creates a weird state in which nothing is quite real and nothing is fake. God that sounds so pretentiously ominous. In the video my eyelids flicker, which is why this is my main theory, but what amazes me, is 2 distinct things. The first is my ability to type whilst looking away from my computer or with my eyes closed. I don’t misspell words, which is confusing as when testing this to the best of my ability whilst in this state, I don’t get very good results at all. The second is the fact that I am fully aware of what is happening. I am able to translate what is happening in my mind to the document, with a little bit of brain fog mixed in, which is obvoiusly going to happen in things like this.

Michael Cera is walking down the hall of his school when a school shooting starts...
He and some of his classmates find a room to hide in.
While they're all hiding, crouched behind desks (listening to the screams and gun shots outside), Cera sees a girl among them that he has a crush on, "hot girl #1",
She starts looking over in his direction.
She makes a hand motion for him to come over towards her.
So Michael Cera smiles nervously and starts moving over.
But then as he does, another hot girl (hot girl #2) crawls past him, and he realizes that it was actually HER that hot girl #1 was summoning.
They both glare at him as a result of seeing his mistake.
hot girl 1 (whispering): "ugh, GROSS! like i would EVER want to hide from a shooter with YOU!"
hot girl 2 (whispering): "um...AWK-waaaaarrrrrrrrrrrd...."
but then the shooter walks into their room and shoots the hot girls first. their heads explode.
the shooter kills everyone else in the classroom too, except michael cera.
the shooter instead walks over to michael cera, like a zombie.
michael cera just sits there like a dear (not a typo) in the headlights, screaming.
but then the shooter just shoots himself in the head instead.
the shooter's body falls onto michael cera, who is now too scared to even screem.
meanwhile, outside, the police department is hiding.
gay officer: "i don't want to go in there, sherriff. he has a GUN! what if he SHOT it at us!? it's TOO SCARY."
sherriff: "don't worry, we're not goin in. i got special orders..."
the sherriff then makes the "sshhh" gesture with his finger on his mouth.
but then michael cera comes out, holding the gun away from himself, like it's a used condom, when he finds the cops hiding behind a corner.
michael cera: "um, ...hello?"
gay officer screams bloody murder and bolts outta there.
sherriff (looking at Cera): "what the hell are you doin son?"
michael cera: "uh, i don't know what's going on. there was a shooter, he had this gun. please take it before it gets into the wrong hands."
sherriff (points his gun at Cera and cocks it): "i don't think so.."
michael cera: "...wait, what?"
but then the news cameras are on the scene, and they can see the two of them
so the sherriff lowers his weapon and says: "you're under arrest for the Maple Park School Shooting^tm "
michael cera: "the what?"
sherriff puts cuffs on him and says: "it's what they're gonna call this event here today."
michael cera: "but i didn't... ok. fine."
michael cera goes to jail, pleading all the while that he didn't do anything.
he sees scary faces of big-ass gorilla-lookin niggas, in the jail cells that he passes by.
the guard tells him that his attourney will be with him soon, that he should try to just get a good nights sleep, cause he's gonna have a long day tomorrow.
we cut to a montage of news coverage of the shooting.
classmates that never actually met michael cera (don't even get his name right) are now on tv claiming that they did everything they could to make him feel accepted, but say that there was nothing they could do beceuse he was always just a twisted, fucked-up psycho.
these classmates also take this oppourtunity to plug their movie-review youtube channels, diy cooking instagrams, and celebrity-parody twitter accounts.
the next morning, michael cera is given a big bin of mail that he's recieved already, and is told that his lawyer is arriving now.
michael cera reads a letter from the bin while he waits.
we only see Cera's shocked reaction to the first letter, while his lawyer(played by Matthew Mcconahay) comes in.
lawyer: "hi there, Michael, I'm your lawyer Matt. Before we get started, is there any questions you might have?"
michael cera: "yeah, how am i getting mail for this already? this just happened yesterday..."
lawyer: "yeah, but it happened yesterday MORNING. so there was plenty of time for some people to see you on the news and write letters before the mail went out for the day. this is just the batch of letters that made the cutoff."
michael cera: "wow."
lawyer: "yeah. it's a lot. you'll get used to it."
michael cera: "uh, i noticed a lot of these are love letters. from girls. in fact it seems like all of them are."
lawyer: "right, well i wouldn't worry about that. i deal with a lot of mass shooting, terrorist attack, and serial killing cases. the accused man always get a whole forest's worth of letters from nubile young women begging for him to fertalize their ovaries and defile them in every concievable way. it's something to do with the primal effect of a man asserting dominance through a public violent act or something. Oh and by the way, under this state's laws, the accused are also given full access to conjucal visit privilages no matter the crime, so a lot of men like you have that option available when they feel inclined and they usually do. Anyway, if we can get started on where you were during the events of the crime scene, i can try to--"
but we see that michael cera is not listening anymore.
we cut to a montage of michael cera plowing one groupie after another, in a trailer, to the tune of Hallelujah played by leonard cohen.
we cut to a news clip, telling us that the case will soon go to trial.
we cut to michael cera meeting with his lawyer again.
lawyer: "michael, listen to me, we have all the evidence in the world that you're innocent. if you just give me permission to plead that way, we can get you off the hook!"
lawyer is rubbing his head like he has a headache, as a result of dealing with Cera. he opens up his bottle of asprin to get a quick pill for himself while he listens to Cera's response.
michael cera: "yeah, maybe. i just dunno..."
lawyer: "if you don't give me permission, then i'll just have to do it without your permission. i will not lose this case just because you're too scared to fight back!"
but just then, another lawyer (a Men-In-Black lookin chick), we'll call her "lawyer 2" steps in.
lawyer 2: "michael cera, i'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your lawyer, but I want to let you know that as your NEW lawyer, i-- oh shit, you're still here."
lawyer: "yeah I'm still here, what the hell are you talking about?"
lawyer 2: "oh, nevermind. i'll see myself out."
...
lawyer: "anyway, as i was saying..."
lawyer takes his pill, then starts foaming at the mouth, with some kind of chemical gas fumes spilling out, he then keels over.
lawyer 2 pops back in.
lawyer 2: "ok, you remember my shpeil from earlier, right? i don't have to repeat that?"
michael cera: "is he ok?"
lawyer 2: "no, i'm afraid it appears he's had a heart attack."
michael cera: "THAT'S what a heart attack looks like?!"
lawyer 2: "i know, it's not like in the movies at all, is it?
lawyer 2 pushes lawyer 1's body out of the seat so that she can sit there instead.
lawyer 2: Anywho, i've taken the time to look over your case and i must say it's not good news. i'm afraid we don't have much of a chance on this one, i'm gonna reccomend you plead guilty."
michael cera: "...oh...ok!
Michael cera now has tattoos on his face and body, and wears a doo rag.
he is now open about his phony role in shooting. He looks straight at us, the audience, and says "i don't give a CRAP anymore."
As a result, one day, he is in a conjucal visit trailer with a fan, and he tells her "before we get started, i just want to make sure if it's ok if we only do it in the missionary position? everything else feels too kinky for me", just like he always does, but the new girl ISN'T interested in fucking him at ALL.
She's an undercover reporter for Alex Jones' Infowars network. she wants info for their war on the official msm narrative about the shooting.
So he tells her that he's willing to testify the real story in court.
But time is running out. Fights are escalating in the prison, and it looks like they may soon turn into a full blown riot.
But then, once the undercover reporter leaves, some secret agents show up and introduce themselves to michael cera as Agent Zog (male) and Agent Henderson (female).
Agent Zog: "we can offer you protection. and in exchange, not only will you not testify, you'll give a new detailed confession with new motives added from this list so that the media can demonize people on the outside who have the same goals as your stated goals.
Agent Zog hands Cera the list.
Agent Zog: "just remember, if you refuse to cooperate, we can just have you eliminated.
michael cera: "wait.. so you guys really were behind the shooting?!
but just as they're talking the riot erupts into a full-on jail break.
while agent zog is distracted by this, michael cera grabs his gun from him and shoots him to death.
michael cera: "framing someone for murder ISN'T NICE!"
michael cera looks around for an escape. but agent henderson just saw him commit a brutally violent act...
agent henderson: "oh michael..." <3 <3 <3
henderson starts stripping off her clothes and chasing down michael cera.
michael cera: "aw geez, what the heck?"
agent henderson (buck naked): "take me now! i want your seed inside me!"
michael cera: "i don't have time for this!"
michael cera tries to keep moving, but agent henderson climbs on to him and ravages him.
michael cera: "ugh! FINE!"
meanwhile, in a helicopter above...
sniper: "wow. he's plowin' henderson."
agent 3: "nice"
agent 4: "yeah, not bad"
sniper: "tell me about it!"
...
agent 3: "you can take the shot now."
sniper takes the shot. michael cera's head explodes.
agent 3 (looking over to agent 4): "and uh, have someone send a car to pick up henderson, i guess."
agent 4: "roger, that's a wrap."
Directed by Stephen Speilberg.

Ladies and gentlemen, art aficionados and TikTok addicts, gather 'round for a whirlwind tour through the wacky world where science meets art! Picture this: Leonardo da Vinci, resurrected via the latest AI algorithm, partnering with Elon Musk to create a robotic Mona Lisa that can dance the Macarena and dab on command. I kid you not, the age of robotic art and kinetic sculptures is upon us, and it’s as wild as a squirrel on Red Bull riding a rollercoaster!
Now, before we dive into this electric fiesta, let's set the stage. Imagine a swanky art gallery opening, complete with those tiny, overpriced hors d'oeuvres that leave you hungrier than before you ate them. Suddenly, KA-POW! Out bursts a towering, metallic creature that looks like a Transformer who got lost on the way to Comic-Con. This, my dear readers, is a kinetic sculpture. Not just any old hunk of metal, but one that moves, grooves, and interacts with you like it's auditioning for the next season of "America’s Got Talent."
Let's talk about these bad boys. Kinetic sculptures are like the rebellious teens of the art world. They don't just sit there all stoic and profound, oh no! They shimmy, they shake, they might even challenge you to a dance-off. Take Theo Jansen’s Strandbeests, for example. These majestic creatures, made from PVC pipes and lemonade bottles, strut along beaches powered solely by wind. They're like the love child of an Ikea shelving unit and a dragon, and boy, are they mesmerizing!
But wait, it gets even zanier! Meet the robotic artists who are here to steal the spotlight faster than a celebrity wardrobe malfunction. Take, for instance, the robotic arm that paints abstract masterpieces with all the flair of Jackson Pollock after a few too many espressos. Yes, this mechanical marvel, dubbed e-David (a nod to Michelangelo’s David, because why not?), creates stunning art pieces that can make you question whether humans really are the superior creators. Seriously, e-David has more Instagram followers than most of us could ever dream of. #RobotGoals.
And then there's Ai-Da, the robot artist named after Ada Lovelace, because apparently, giving robots human names makes them less terrifying? Ai-Da is not just any robot; she can draw, paint, and even write poetry. Move over, Shakespeare! This mechanical muse is here to give you a run for your quill. Imagine walking into a gallery and having a deep, philosophical conversation with Ai-Da about the meaning of art, only for her to drop a mic and segue into a slam poetry session about the existential angst of being a robot. Mind blown.
But what about music, you ask? Oh, hold onto your Spotify playlists, because robots are here to drop some sick beats! Shimon, the marimba-playing robot, not only plays music but also composes it. Picture this: a robotic DJ at your next house party, mixing tracks that make Daft Punk look like amateurs. Shimon's performances are so lit, you'll be asking for his autograph on your vinyl records.
Now, as we frolic through this bizarre bazaar of moving art and mechanical maestros, let’s not forget the installations that blur the boundaries between human and machine creativity. Enter the world of interactive installations, where you, yes YOU, become part of the art. Take Rafael Lozano-Hemmer’s "Pulse Room," where your heartbeat is transformed into a flickering light show. It's like your very own EDM festival, minus the overpriced drinks and questionable fashion choices.
Or imagine being in a room where robots follow you around, creating a dynamic dance of light and shadow, like R2-D2 on a mission to create the perfect Instagram story. These installations make you the star of the show, blending technology and creativity in a way that makes even the Kardashians seem tame.
But let’s not get too carried away (who am I kidding, that's exactly the plan). The real magic here is how science meets art in a whirlwind of gears, algorithms, and sheer chutzpah. It’s like watching a Marvel movie where Iron Man teams up with Picasso to save the world from bland, stationary art. The collision of robotics and artistry is creating a new frontier where the only limit is the human imagination—and the battery life of your favorite robot.
And if you think this is all a bit too bonkers, just remember: we live in a world where people dress up their Roombas and put them on TikTok. The line between art, science, and everyday absurdity has never been blurrier or more exciting.
So, next time you find yourself pondering the price of avocado toast or the latest TikTok dance craze, take a moment to appreciate the marvels of robotic art and kinetic sculptures. They're the perfect blend of human ingenuity and robotic rebellion, creating a symphony of movement and creativity that’s as unpredictable as a cat video going viral.
In conclusion, my bemused and bewildered readers, as you navigate this brave new world where art twirls and robots paint, remember to keep your minds open, your hearts curious, and your meme game strong. Because in the end, art, much like life itself, is meant to be experienced with a mix of wonder, wit, and a dash of delightful chaos. Now, go forth and explore this madcap universe where science meets art, and may your journey be as thrilling as a squirrel on a double espresso. KA-POW!

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I’ve always hated people. Not really people, but having to interact with them. You could call me anti-social, but honestly, it just bothers me how fake people are. Friends, family, relationships. People change at the drop of a dime, or maybe it's just them randomly deciding to show their true colors, either way, people will always find a way to tear you down and make you feel less than nothing. I guess getting stabbed in the back enough times made me want to keep to myself, unfortunately, in this society, it's hard to avoid people. You have to go to the grocery store, you have to speak to cashiers at the gas station, and unfortunately, you have to have a fucking job…
Every aspect of life demands you interact with someone, and I fucking hate it. That's why when COVID hit, and the country got locked down, it didn't bother me one bit. Not only did I not have to go to work, but the government paid me triple what I made, and sure, even though paying millions of people for years on end for no reason caused this ridiculous inflation we're experiencing now, at least I didn't have to interact with anyone, and even though astronomically more people died because of the lockdowns than died of covid due to it causing depression and desperation leading to suicide along other health conditions that couldn't be treated, I still consider it a plus. My only problem was figuring out what to do with my extra time.
At first, it was amazing. The first week I started and finished 3 shows on HULU I had been wanting to watch, but one thing about the lockdown that hit me hard was I couldn't even go joyride in my Mustang. I guess the cop saw me past too many times in one day and pulled me over. He said if I wasn't out to get essentials, I had to go home or Id be arrested which made no fucking sense. Eventually, I got tired of just watching TV and not being able to go out and enjoy the world. I'd never really been into video games, I mean, I had an X box but mainly to play a Friday the 13th game as I was a Jason Voorhese fanatic along with any other content that would be described as especially heinous, but I figure I might as well put the x box to use since I had so much time to kill. Upon searching through the games, I found the one that would give me everything the government took away.
If you're not familiar with GTA5, it's an open-world game where you basically do whatever you want. You design a character and can choose to do different types of missions to make money, or just drive around and interact with the world. The best part for me was it had a Mustang exactly like mine. I made my character look as much like me as I could, did some missions, made some money, and bought my car. I played the actual game for a while but I quickly found myself more fixated on the mechanics of the world. The people walking and driving around saying outrageous things.
I am by no means a computer or programming specialist which is why I guess it amazed me so much. How did it run how it did? I passed the time simply walking behind people, seeing where they went, driving behind cars, to see if they had a destination. I was amazed to see how these people interacted with each other. A pedestrian, crossing the road and getting hit by a car. An ambulance shows up and revives the person. A gang member shooting a gun causes motorists to drive erratically crashing into multiple other cars and causing mayhem. I concluded the game is probably a grid, like a railroad track these people were programmed to walk or drive on, but when forced to deviate from their programmed route was where it got really interesting, for example, one time a plane crashed causing multiple people to run frantically, and I chose one to follow. They ran and ran and decided to get off the road and head up a mountain. They topped the peak and proceeded to fall down the other side, repeating this over multiple ranges until I got tired of following. I've seen them decide to jump in the ocean and swim toward the horizon, and even randomly jump off a bridge. I understand how they can be programmed to follow a predetermined route, and even deviate to another route while staying on the grid, but some of them do things that kind of make me think they can make choices.
At the end of the day, I’m sure it's just my ignorance of programs and computer shit, but I did find it very entertaining to see what these people did. Eventually, I created my own games within the game, mainly a slasher game where I put on a mask and stalked people from the shadows. I’d wait until it was night, and I would carry a machete like Jason, and just follow people until I felt it was their time to die, and I would kill them. I’d walk through trees and backyards finding somone sitting on their porch or standing in their driveway smoking a cigarette, and I would sneak up and kill them. Sometimes I would just watch from the shadows. I wouldn't even be holding my controller, I'd just sit and watch the world exist because I wasn't allowed to watch my own… Or could I?
I loved walking around the areas that were just trees or hills, away from the city where the animals are, so I decided to go experience my own world again, against the wishes of the government. It’s not like anyone would see me at night, especially if I just walked around wooded areas. For some reason, I can't tell you why, but I wanted it to be as much like the fake world I had been living in as possible, so I even ordered a mask like the one I had been wearing. I put on clothes similar to my character and walked out my back door and into the woods behind my house. The cool breeze was refreshing and the sky was so clear the moon lit up the forest. I had no clue how deep it was but I knew it was deep enough to not worry about cops seeing me and forcing me to return to my prison. For hours I just walked around, admiring nature, all the while wearing a mask and gripping a machete. All of a sudden, through the trees I saw an illuminated floating window. It was too dark to see the house until I got to the wood line. I wondered what the people inside were doing. What they might be up to. I fought with myself in my head about going and finding out inevitably choosing to have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? There were no trespassing signs and the way the law works is you have to be told not to be there by the police before you can get in trouble. The thought of this person having a gun crossed my mind but not before my legs had started walking across the yard. At that point it was already too late, not to mention, I didn't really care. I wanted to see what they were up to.
Only one window was lit up and it was the perfect height for me to peek through. I crouched below it and slowly rose to look inside. It was absent of blinds but it had curtains that were slightly pulled apart, a kitchen window. A woman was doing dishes as her kids were sitting at the table finishing dinner. I wasn't sure if her husband was home, or if she even had one, but I was satisfied with what I saw and decided not to find out. My heart was still racing As I walked back through the woods. This was exhilarating, but as the adrenaline started to wear off, I started to realize I didn't know my way back. I wasn't worried. I happened to have the Google Earth app and knew it would help me find my way home but when I lifted my mask to look at my phone, I realized 2 things. 1, these woods were pretty big, but not that big. Maybe a square mile surrounded 15 houses along its border. 2, it was only 10 o'clock. I obviously didn't have to go to work the next day, so why not check out another house before I call it a night?
As I made my way to the east side of the woods I started to question if what I was doing was wrong. Sure, I could lose the machete, but in my defense, originally I just planned on walking around the woods. I couldn't kill someone. Not in REAL life. But what's the difference between this and simply looking out your window at your neighbor's house or staring at a jogger a little longer than normal? I was just getting a closer look. I decided to lose the machete in case I was seen and continued through the woods until I saw light dancing through the trees. The smoke smell in the air told me it was a fire up ahead and when I approached the woodline I could see a shadow moving back and forth. I crouched down low and parted the bushes to see a barrel with a blazing fire, and a man carrying a cage. I couldn't see what was inside but once I heard the meows I had an idea. He opened the cage pulled out a small cat, maybe a kitten, placed it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the barrel. The meows turned to screams and it was so loud I had to cover my ears. I quickly turned and darted back into the woods.
I felt horrible, but what was I going to do? The cat was already in the fire so there was no saving it. The screams echoed through the woods for maybe 20 seconds, and then it was quiet. I had heard that sound before thinking it was just some cats fighting or something. How could someone be so fucked up? I mean, I know I can't say much, I’m watching people from the woods with a mask on, but I’m not burning cats alive. I couldn't get home fast enough. I crawled into bed and forced myself asleep so I didn't have to think about what I had just seen and thank God I didn't have any nightmares about it. The next day, I woke up instantly thinking about it but the shock of it had kinda worn off. I felt a little numb trying to understand how evil like that could exist, but I carried on with my day eventually forgetting about it altogether.
When the sun started to go down, I reentered the woods, this time with a route planned out. I’d check out 3 houses a night, all on different sides of the wooded patch in case I were seen I would be out of the general area, and also to learn my way around the woods so I didn't have to rely on Google to tell me where I was at. The first house was dark and the absence of cars in the drive led me to believe no one was home or maybe it was unoccupied. I didn’t approach the second house due to a man working in his garage. The car he was working on was nice and had him so preoccupied he didn't even notice me watching from the open door. I lingered for a bit and then headed off to my final house before calling it a night. I could hear the whipping sound before getting close to the house. My jaw dropped inside my mask when I looked through the window and saw where it was coming from. A man in a wheelchair, and an older woman wearing a face of pure anger, gripping the belt. He sat in his chair emotionless as the woman repeatedly hit him with the belt. He didn't even try to fight back, and honestly, I don’t even think he knew what was going on. The lifeless look on his face told me he was an empty vessel, a health condition the woman resented for whatever reason. I wanted nothing more than to bust in and stop her, but was it my place?
I wanted to take my mind off of what I was seeing, and the image of the woman and her kids came into my mind. I wondered what they were doing… Maybe something normal that would make ME feel normal again. I made my way to the yellow house hoping the wholesome view of a loving family would prevent any nightmares the scene would cause, but when I got close I could hear the yelling. She did have a husband, and they were arguing. Looking through the window, I could see her crying in the kitchen, the man towering over her with fury in his voice. The kids weren't there but it was 11 pm so I assumed they were asleep, unable to hear the anger filling the house. I didn't like how he talked to her, but again, what could I do?
For weeks, I watched the evil that dwelled in the houses surrounding the woods, walking through the dark trees with negative sounds echoing through my head. Images of people, hurting each other, or themselves. 15 houses, very few pleasant to watch, or anything that could be considered normal. Every Monday, a sound echoed through the forest. I felt it starting to change me, drive me crazy but at the same time, cause me to feel numb. So much pain in such a small area, the craziness inside every box with a door. How much more was in the rest of the world?! What even was normal? I made a decision. Sticky notes.
“Hurting yourself isn’t the answer”
“How would you like to be in a wheelchair?”
“You'll burn next if you don’t stop.”
Messages no one would report because they’d have to explain. I approached the yellow house to leave my last note. “Treat her better”, that’s all it said. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe if these people knew someone was watching they would change their ways. His car door would be the best place for this one. As I stuck it on the handle, I could hear the yelling. He was always yelling, and drunk. It was worse than usual because I could hear things being thrown and slammed. I peeked through the usual window just as he flipped the kitchen table and backed her against the wall. He raised his hand, bringing it down across her face. She hit the floor as he stood over her. He took another swig from his bottle before striking her again. Between every angry sentence, he would hit her. He was going to kill her!
Before I could even think I had kicked in the door. Before he could even turn, I had picked up a chair and swung it at his head. He hit the ground and the woman started to scream even louder. I looked down to see the blood pouring from his head. I dropped the chair and ran back into the woods, her screams fading the further I got.
I got home, hid the mask, and bit my nails to the nubs waiting for whatever evidence I left behind to lead the cops to me. Any trails I made over my weeks of walking through the woods, like breadcrumbs for the police, but they never came.
The next day, every news channel played the same story. "Man killed by a masked vigilante." The woman had told the story, exactly how it happened. How he was beating her mercilessly. How she feared for her life, and how a masked person had come in to save it. I wasn’t proud of what I had done. I had taken a man's life. What if he was only going to hit her one last time and be done? Did this man really deserve to die? It wasn’t my intention, and no amount of Reddit or social media posts praising the vigilante made me feel better about what I had done.
The truth is, I'm not a vigilante. I’m not Superman and I'm definitely not God, so who am I to change what I feel needs to be changed? To redirect a timeline that would otherwise never exist. If there is a God, who am I to change what he himself doesn’t deem worthy to alter? So from now on, I just watch… Or not... One thing’s for sure, the longer I do this, the easier it is to not look away.
SHORT FILM at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKzkNB9Df_Y

I honestly feel incredible right now. I have dark times and dark moments; mostly from a bit of a crazy and traumatic past but honestly most of my decisions this past month (and year) have led to some changes I've been needing. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have a long hard road to be the me that I wanna be, and I'm coming to love me more and more each day. I'm okay with being alone right now. I just think it would be incredible to make a connection with someone who is genuinely invested in having adventures together as a team. A couple where we won't run to our friends to bad talk the other when things get hard. That would have to start with friendship so, why not throw this up.
You see these supposed strong relationships out there, you watch the movies. And so far, reality pales in comparison. I've found myself with bad women with bad intentions and I take accountability for who I was and what I allowed. I'm fighting for things to fall in place in life. Fighting for a new body. A new mind. A big thing about me is that after being who I used to be, if I feel you're gonna disturb my peace or try to play games with me I will cut off conversation quick. I've actually had to cut several people out of my life lately because of this.
If you don't want a work in progress, I won't lie. All the sad "woe is me" stories aren't gonna gloss over my situation right now. I'm at the beginning of something special and I'm looking for a special person to support in their climb as well. I want to find that person who brings vibrancy to the color I've reinvested into my world. I want someone to see the embers around my path of destruction and be with me as we make the best out of it. I actually once found a relationship on reddit and we lived together for a while, so I know it's not impossible.
I've been working out for a couple of months now and tracking calories for the past month. I've lost 20 lbs in the past month and plan to remain consistent.
Hobbies beyond that include gaming, TV, Crime Docs, spending time with my nieces, writing (haven't in a while), photoshopping (haven't in forever), keeping up with gaming and TV industry news, podcasts, etc. I enjoy fishing and camping but I haven't had the chance to do those in forever. I've lost interest in cooking beyond whats necessary, and never was a grill guy.
Those make me sound super busy with a lot of media consumption but lately it's mostly been working out, counting calories, staying sober and dreaming up my next tattoos.
I have morals about certain things. I find it hard to keep my mouth shut about certain situations, but I also know how to keep out of trouble these days. I want to return to my career as a behavioralist but now is not the time.
I have social media outside of Reddit and maybe we can move there eventually but I really want to get to know someone. In this dating pool I've learned that people are usually about the initial dopamine hit and then they wander off. People teach you not to trust.
But if this interested you at all, hit me up in chat. Please send a pic if you don't have one in your profile. And its not fair to ask you to do so without seeing me so I've uploaded one to my profile. Catch ya soon.