Evening primrose trileptal lamictal

A little back story before I begin the talking about the actual issue. I was 6 years old when I was fostered by this current family (not adopting - this means councils can intervene a bit more) there is my foster dad, mum and sister and then there's my real brother and I. We all had our issues when my brother and I were growing up. I am 17 now, and have since grown out of the stupid things that we used to do.
I had an ok childhood and I didn't see much of my sister. She only participated with my life and started wanting to make memories with me once I hit puberty. When I started my periods, the foster parents made it a big deal to start me on the pill as soon as they could. I had no issues with my periods - except holidays. But they didn't want me making an issue of going on holiday with them. So they lied to the nurse and got me on the pill., even getting me on evening primrose and starflower oil, claiming I had behavioral issues - bear in mind I was 13 when this was all happening and I wanted to have my say. And my way of getting my revenge was to deprive them of having the ability to do girly things with the second daughter who they'd never really treated as a daughter. I began to hate being a girl and hated being called a woman. So I started covering up and not allowing them to buy me stuff that might show me off or indicate that I'm a girl (I even wear jumpers in the summer).
My sister got me these books for my birthday or Christmas because they helped her through growing up into the woman she is now, and wanted me to understand what was going on with my body. I knew what was going on with my body, I just didn't care - so I started mistreating it. It got so bad that my brother actually thought I was a boy. And I told her I had no need for the books because I didn't want to know and I wouldn't be the sister she wanted me to be.
I know this sounded vain - but I genuinely thought this way and hated life itself and wouldn't talk about any of it. Not to anyone.
Onto the main story. My sister is 23 with Fragile X, and I am 17 in June. My foster sister (FS) came to college with me - I signed up before she did - I was brought round to having the idea of having her at college with me, though being pessimistic about it at first. I asked her not to tell anyone that I was a foster child because here people believe that all foster children are pure evil and should be kept away from. But on the very first day, we weren't sat there 10 minutes and she goes "yeah, she's my foster sister. My parents fostered her when she was very young" I was upset because she broke the promise she'd made me. But I ignored it because I told that it wasn't malicious and I was over reacting.
In December last year, she struck again. I had told my friends to tell me if they had an issue with me. This was because I had to deal with a psycho ex bf that almost had his way. My friends told my sister first, made them panic and told them to report me because I've done it before which is a lie, 4 weeks I had to endure of silence, insults in front of me and behind me, and door slamming. Worst of all, she told everyone, leaving no one out. So it wasnt just her and they're still being horrible and snubby towards me today. But I've grown to not care. They want to live in a world centered around her lies, then that's their own pain when they find out.

I’m not quite sure what is going on or what caused it, and how to stop.
I haven’t cleaned my apartment for a while. Dishes are caught up, but my bathroom is kinda gross, and my floors haven’t been vacuumed or mopped in a while. I also bagged up some garbage and just set it aside and haven’t taken it out to the dumpster.
I have only showered twice this past week, when I had to go to appointments.
I had signed up to volunteer at the animal shelter this morning at 10:00…but didn’t roll out of bed until after 11:00am. I had trouble falling asleep but was in bed around 11:00pm.
So…all of ^{this^} makes me think I’m depressed.
But…I spent all my weekly money in one day, without buying any groceries. (I have a Representative Payee who handles my bills and sends me spending money weekly. It’s supposed to cover gas, groceries, and anything else I need).
I’m obsessing about food even more than usual (I have a binge/restrict eating disorder.
And my thoughts are racing to the point I can’t sit and watch a movie or read a book.
And I’m not sure if I’m hypersexual…I’m now in a long-distance relationship with a former boyfriend, so we tease a lot on the phone, so I don’t feel the need to look elsewhere like in my past.
My meds haven’t changed recently:

• Lamictal/lamotrigine
  
• Lithium
  
• Zyprexa/olanzapine
  
• Klonopin/clonazepam (only as needed)
  

I just started with a new therapist…but all this has been going on prior to our appointment.
What do you think?

I know this is a big ask, but I'm hoping someone here can advise me on structuring the overhaul of my one-acre property, which is currently overrun with invasives. It's gotten completely out of control, first due to my ignorance and then to several years of chronic illness, but now I'm ready to start the process of taking charge. Due to being out of commission for a long time, I'm extremely light on cash and friends, lol, so I'll have to do the work myself, but I'm feeling capable, if a little overwhelmed. I also have wicked ADD, so I know I need to start with a general plan or else I'll immediately get "overstimied" and give up or else get lost in the quicksand of "procrastivity." :)
Below is a list of the infections my property is facing, and below that is a list of potted natives I have waiting to replace the invasives. (My understanding is that I should plant something native immediately after removing an invasive so that something noxious doesn't move into the empty space.)
I would really, really appreciate any advice you guys have on timing, prioritizing, methodology, or anything you think will be helpful. <3
I'm in Eastern Massachusetts, in the Gulf of Main Coastal Plain ecoregion (https://bplant.org/region/807); I have a full array of sun-exposure areas, from full shade to full sun; my soil is not the best since I've only just started working on it by topdressing with compost and sheet mulching where I can, but it's benefited from not being OVER-worked, at the least. I purchased a bottle of triclopyr (Bonide's Stump-Out Stump and Vine killer), but so far all I've done is stare nervously at it.
INVASIVES
I have just finished taking down all of the FLOWERING garlic mustard. Now I have:

1. non-flowering (first year?) Garlic Mustard - a concentrated 25-square-foot area; allelopathic but at least I have another year before they flower
2. Oriental Bittersweet - massive infestation, it is literally everywhere; honestly it is the only thing holding my shitty fence together, haha, but I know it's gotta go before it sets fruit again
3. Multiflora Rose - four large bushes
4. Honeysuckle Bush - three large bushes
5. Japanese Barberry - one giant bush that was presumably planted by landscapers 10+ yrs ago and then 4-5 small volunteers throughout the yard
6. Tree of Heaven - 2 tallish, 2 small; the canes of these are no more than an inch thick, so at the very least I can cut them back, even if I'm not able to dig them out

My property also has four mid-sized White Mulberry trees, a crap-ton of purple irises, and an endless ocean of Vince and Lily of the Valley, but I didn't include them in this list because those seem the least offensive, unless you think otherwise.
NATIVES
I either received these as free leftovers from a plant sale I volunteered at or dumpster-dove them from the garden center where I work, so it's a big hodge-podge, but I'm not in a hurry for anything to look put together; aesthetics here are tertiary to supporting wildlife and filling in spaces to suppress invasives. (* indicates a seedling or young plant, otherwise they're mature plants.)

1. Winterberry Holly* (2, both female - pls welcome my lesbian hollies)
2. Viburnum Brandywine* (1)
3. Lobelia Cardinalis* (2) - I suspect that my soil isn't going to be moist enough to sustain these, but I want to attract hummingbirds so bad :(((
4. unidentified Oak trees thought to be in the "Lobatae" family* (3) - young babies, 5" and smaller
5. Juniper Squamata "Blue Star" (1)
6. Dwarf White Cedar "Little Jamie"* (9)
7. White Wood Aster* (3)
8. Tiarella* (5)
9. Tiarella, mature plants (3)
10. American Cranberry (Vaccinium macrocarpon) (7) - I probably don't have enough moisture to support these, but I thought I might try planting them with ollas (which I already own)
11. Cutleaf Coneflower (1)
12. Black-eyed Susan (1)
13. Coreopsis (3)
14. Fringed Loosestrife "Firecracker," clumped with Evening Primrose (1)
15. Monarda Fistulosa* (1)
16. Monarda Punctata* (1)
17. Monarda didyma "Gardenview Scarlet"* (5) - these are babies and already have a touch of powdery mildew, so I'm not sure how long they're going to make it :/
18. Golden Alexander (5) - still tiny
19. Penstemon Hirsutus* (1)
20. Anemone Virginiana* (1)
21. Mountain Mint (2)
22. Big-leaf Aster (1)
23. Wild Ginger (2 clumps)

I also have about a billion Solidago volunteers throughout the yard, plus many Common St. John's Wort volunteers, which I could transplant into vacated spaces. Additionally, I was gifted a billion hostas, many sedums and many red irises, which could potentially occupy an area while I wait for natives to fill in?
Thanks so much again for any help you can give me!!!

Sorry in advance for the really long post.
This all began at the start of 2022. I had a seizure in January but didn't know it at the time. March 2022, I have a seizure at a job site and get fired because of it (the company pulled some shady stuff to avoid me suing them for discrimination. Nice.) but was sent to a neuro who gave me Keppra. Bad idea. One of the worst drugs I have ever taken, you couldn't get me to touch that drug again if you paid me. So we switched to Vimpat. It worked well enough for a while (until it didn't) but it still gave me side effects. I didn't want to kill myself or fight strangers, but I didn't feel right. I still felt so heavy, and almost like a brick was inside my brain; I wasn't foggy, I was just downright incapable of understanding somethings. So then we switched to Lamictal. Then zonisamide with the Lamictal. And that didn't work, so we keep trying. Now I'm on Briviact and Lamictal, I've been seizure free for over three months now (the longest time since the start of January 2023! But it's taken us so long to get there, and I hated being a guinea pig and having to take six different medicines before we found a cocktail that seems to work.
Now, the stupidity. Much of my identity is based in my language skills (both in my native tongue, English, as well as my second languages) as well as my writing. Obviously there's much more to my life than just those things, much more than that, but that plays a big part in just who LinguisticHappiness is (name makes sense, huh?). But I can hardly think anymore. Lucky me that my TLE hits my language centers the hardest and I'm more or less globally aphasic when I'm in my post-ictal state. I trip over my words all the time. I make speech errors I never made before, like metathesis is my new chum the way it comes with me everywhere. I can't translate my feelings or thoughts into words. People who know me know how I am and understand this and feel for me, but when I meet new people now they assume I'm just a dumbass. I had a coworker talk down to me and try to explain how to speak English better and how to sound smarter. That was very much a confirmation of my fears. I forget what's happening all the time now. I'm a regular cannabis consumer, but I've cut down on it a whole lot since it gives me awful brain fog in tandem with the anticonvulsants, understandably. That hasn't helped a whole lot. Even removing the cannabis a lot, my short term memory is awful. I could be stone cold sober, put something down on the table, and five seconds later have absolutely no idea where it went. If I get slightly distracted in a conversation, the topic leaves my head just as fast as (or even faster than) it popped up in my head in the first place. I'm forgetting words more and more. I'm forgetting conversations I had even an hour prior. I'm forgetting basic information about people I met months ago. I started taking jiu jitsu classes recently and before all this I never had a problem seeing something and translating it to movement of my own body, and now I have difficulty sometimes following simple directions from the instructor.
I feel like a fucking moron. My brain feels more and more useless by the day. Someone else posted a day or two ago about how epilepsy has taken a lot from their life and how their "ideal" lifestyle (from the doctor's POV) would be dull and uninteresting, and ultimately unachievable. No stress, 8+ hours of sleep every night, never missing a dose, never touching alcohol, never staying up late, never going on hikes by yourself again... What's the point of taking these medicines if they're just going to make me miserable? Why try to improve my quality of life in one area just to worsen it in another? Why do I have to put all these chemicals into my brain when other people don't? Why can other people just get up and go traveling to whatever country they want whenever they want while I need to check with foreign governments to make sure I can bring my medicine and how to do that and I can't?
For someone who has difficulty translating her thoughts into words, I sure did say a lot. Sorry again for the essay. I just haven't been able to talk about this with anybody who understands it. Even though things are marginally better with the pharmaceutical cocktail I'm on now, but it's far from perfect and I still end up crying a night or two each week from this. This life I live now is much better than living in constant fear of seizures, scared that "uh oh, I feel a little woozy, do I need to warn someone and get down on the floor and take my Ativan right now?" but it's far from perfect and still not at all like life was before. I hate living in fear. I hate feeling like a complete idiot. I hate feeling trapped and limited. Even here I feel like there's so much I'm forgetting to say. Fuck epilepsy and fuck anticonvulsants.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, guys. I really appreciate all of you.

First time poster. I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I have been medicated for over a decade on a low dose of Tegretol, lithium and clonazepam. I can’t tolerate higher doses but this regime does prevent full blown mania and psychosis.
I have suffered severely for all these years this fluctuating between up and down swings despite trying every med Dr.’s can think of. I desperately need something I can use to stop the mania and the insomnia that goes with it. Every episode is a battle to keep in control, a battle I usually lose with torturous consequences.
I have been asking to try lamictal now for 6 months and the Dr., well nurse practitioner, keeps putting it off. He told me yesterday that it’s “only for depression; it doesn’t treat mania.” I responded that it’s a mood stabilizer, like Tegretol, and I was under the impression it treated both.
He also said because I am alternating my Tegretol dose every other day he won’t let me try lamictal. I am alternating every other day because they don’t offer the dose I can tolerate which is 250 mg. He hates that I do that and is getting frustrated with me. Any lower and my psychosis starts creeping in. Any higher and I get debilitating GI issues. I was devastated to hear him say I could not try it and postponed it for the 4th time.
He also says despite me being on a super low Tegretol does I would be doubling my risk of Steven Johnson’s syndrome (the deadly rash).
He won’t let me take Tegretol and lamictal together because he says he won’t know which one caused the rash, (if I were to get it) but I’ve been on Tegretol for over a decade with no rash.
The question: is lamictal just for bipolar depression? Does it not curb mania? Is he overreacting regarding the risks? Is his frustration founded regarding me taking the every other day alternating dose? I do that to cope with the fact that they don’t make the dose I need to stay sane enough; it’s not for fun.
I was ready to brave another med trial, which is usually debilitating for me. When my brain is active, which is now, i am able to try new meds. When I am down I am not. I desperately need more medication and he’s basically stringing me along while I am barely keeping it together between mania and the insomnia that comes with it.
When I’m down again, he says he may let me try it, if I promise to only take Tegretol 200 every single day, never going to 300mg even if I feel I need extra to sleep or whatever. Is that too strict or is it reasonable?
I do appreciate a lot of things about him and there is a provider shortage where I live so finding a good alternative doesn’t seem likely. He does seem to get easily stressed and frustrated, seems he’s overworked right now.
I am venting a bit but any thoughts or advice is welcome. 🙏

Has anyone else had almost every medication they’ve tried cause muscle twitching in various parts of their body?
Or have intolerances to medication and the side effects are bad?
When Im not on any psych med, my muscles in my body don’t twitch. As soon as I start psych meds and continue taking them, my muscles twitch. The twitching is similar to as if I just did a full body workout out, but I haven’t.
It seems every drug I try, causes EPS/a movement disorder. Latuda caused my eyelids to twitch and facial tics. Serequel caused muscle twitching throughout my body.
Caplyta makes me physically ill and have flu like side effects that don’t go away. Im currently on the lowest dose (dropping from 42mg, to 21mg, to 10.5mg), and it still makes me feel shitty and isn’t even therapeutic anymore.
Lithium really messes with my thyroid and landed me in the ER.
Mood stabilizers for me don’t work because of the birth control interaction. I have endometriosis, and without birth control, I am constantly in debilitating pain. I don’t want to get an IUD because of how incredibly painful and traumatic it is to get one inserted, and the side effects. To be fair, my current oral contraceptive amps up my depression a lot and has side effects. But I can’t mentally handle being in excruciating pain all the time and not able to move. I also can’t mentally handle this depression either. Having to decide which to deal with — being in debilitating pain and be on a mood stabilizer to help my mental health or have a very bad mental state and not be in physical pain is a truly shitty decision to have to make as a woman. There is no winning if you’re a woman. (I do want to state that being in excruciating pain all the time DOES NOT help my mental health, regardless if Im on a med or not)
I’ve already tried Lamictal, while being on birth control. Lamictal made the BC ineffective and made my hormones not be stable and go up and down everyday, and I was in hell. And the BC made the Lamictal not effective.
Depakote is the only mood stabilizer that doesn’t affect birth control, even though birth control makes depakote less effective. Depakote makes my arm muscles twitch, and makes my leg muscles twitch more than they do now. It’s only 250mg of depakote too, so not therapeutic. I did run a lil experiment. I stopped the depakote for a week to see if some of my muscle twitching subsided.. and it did. My arm muscles no longer twitch. My leg muscles still do and it drives me INSANE.
I just.. I don’t get why my body is like this. There was a point when I was on 200mg Lamictal, 60mg Latuda, and 100mg of Serequel and the muscle twitching was so bad. My whole entire body was constantly spasming and moving.
Prior to July, I tolerated psych meds really well! Until a psychiatrist (who can rot in hell), cold turkey cut me off of a very high dose of klonopin. I went through a 2 month withdrawal and couldn’t get water or food down for at least a month and lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks. My body has never been the same again, and I now have severe GI issues because of the trauma my stomach went through during withdrawals.
After being cut cold turkey off of benzos.. my body and brain do not tolerate psych medications at all. experience EVERY side effect and they don’t go away, on top of movement disorders.
Im desperate for a medication to work and Im hopeless currently. Everything that seems to help me somewhat mentally, makes my muscles twitch and jerk!
I don’t know what to do and how long I can last with my current mental health! I don’t know if anyone would have advice or have gone through similar things? Has anyone else experienced numerous psych meds causing movement disorders?

Hey all, anyone in this combo? How is it?
Did you find many side effects from Trileptal or the combo?
I’m on Lam now, but will be adding Trileptal in a couple of weeks. My main issue is recurrent mixed episodes, which the Lam worked to resolve for a while each time the dose was raised, but they kept coming back before I hit a ceiling with tolerability. Looking for some hope.
Thanks for taking the time to reply! ❤️

I've been through Abilify, Caplyta, and now am on Latuda but considering going off. Had adverse effects from all of them. Was on Latuda the longest. I don't know if I can handle antipsychotics. My doc kept suggesting vralyar but I'm screaming no no no no because of another potential akathisia nightmare.
I was on Lamotrigane before all these. my body went haywire and it landed me in the ER so it's no longer an option. It was the best med I took, but my doctor will never put me back on it. It was what I was on before my 2.5 year bender off meds. Something in my body has changed and it's hard dealing with it. I've considered trying to ask my doc for an off label like trileptal as an alternative since anticonvulsants seem to work for me idk
Sometimes I suspect I might not even be bipolar because so many of these meds have done jack squat and I've wasted so much time and money trying to find a cure. Not just a cure, but something that will literally not make my body prickle with anxiety... something that will align my body and brain again and not just fix one of them. Sometimes I suspect it's PMDD because all the symptoms worsen around my period. I don't know.
All the while I've been jobless and rather socially isolated till recently. Life is very lonely for me. This has completely wrecked me in a different, sadder way than the 2.5 year long bender I had when I was off meds entirely. I lost everything.
Hell, I'll even take something with blood testing at this point, that's how desperate I am for wellness. I really need encouragement and help right now. So any input is appreciated.

I made a post about my symptoms probably a week ago and they've been yo-yo'ing up and down since then. My sleep the past few nights has been atrocious and I suspect it's not due to my changing my laxative, but the Latuda kicking my ass. I've been on this medication a month and a half and it was fairly gentle at first. After my period things started to go haywire, beginning with worsening insomnia.
I've started getting akathisia like and TD-like symptoms after I eat and before bed that I didn't have before. Restless legs, involuntary tongue movements against my teeth, tingilng in my shoulders and wrists, things I wasn't dealing with during the early dosage phase at all. It comes and goes but when it comes it's exhausting.
One night I had immense, pinching chest pain. Past few days it's woken me up at like 3-5am and I can't get back to sleep for an hour or so, I will wake up a couple more times. Today I had to take a benzo to take the edge off. Should I go off? I literally just had a conference with my doc a few days ago saying I'd try another month and now I can't handle. I get a blood test done on tuesday and I'm considering waiting it out till then to see if my blood levels come back weird but I don't really want to suffer till then.
The sad thing is that it was helping me with my depression, psychosis and focus, but I cannot focus when my entire body dips into akathisia mode for zero reason. It's not livable. Should I also consider asking my pdoc about birth control on Tuesday if my cycle or hormones is somehow driving the reaction?
Does anyone have recommendations for what I should try next? I've tried Lamotrigane (allergic reaction, worked for about 1.5 months), Abilify (Akathisia from hell), Caplyta (painful digestive issues), buspirone (see caplyta), and now Latuda. I don't know if I can handle antipsychotics anymore, should I ask doc to consider another mood stabilizer. I hate blood tests but at this rate I think I'd rather deal with blood tests than go on another AP knowing they tend to cause me akathisia and TDlike symptoms. I've considered alternatives like Depoteke Lithium or even an off label anticonvulsant like trileptal.

Hello everyone,
I’ll keep it short, but man let me know you how I was 99% convinced I had an IBD disease. Mainly convinced I had UC.
I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 11 years old. I was given medications called Keppra and Trileptal. They have been great medications and kept me seizure free for nearly 6 years now. However, we have been upping dose to prevent any future seizure as I gain weight and get taller.
Out of no where, once we upped my Trileptal to 1200mg, it dropped the hell out of my sodium and started having bloody diarrhea for a month. It even inflamed my intestines. That is not a common side effect of Trileptal, very rare side effect. This medication never gave me side effects before until then. However, I wasn’t convinced after just going up 1 dosage (1050mg to 1200mg) it would all of a sudden make my body fall apart. I was panicked and damn convinced I had IBD. Mainly Ulcerative Colitis. Even the doctors believed so as well, but once we dropped my dosage down to 900mg for my sodium to pick back up, it all stopped. Like nothing ever happened. We may get a colonoscopy someday just to be safe.
I was so scared I had epilepsy AND IBD. Thank the lord for that one. Still a very small chance maybe I could have it, but I feel great and I can eat whatever.

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I was treated for unipolar depression back in 2020 with SSRI lexapro + amisulpride 50mg and was in remission until 2023 with it.
Then in 2023 I blew a small stressor TOTALLY out of proportion(I think hypomania had already begun then) and got into a really bad or probably even mixed episode (my first one if it was actually mixed). I'd get so restless I'd want to tear off my clothes, attempt to run away, suicidal, get so irritative that I'd say the most wicked shit to my loved ones who were really just trying to help me, lay in bed and cry and shout so loud ALL the time. It was so bad I felt like I was going to die and family members were so worried, I was admitted.
Doctors totally ruled out mania/bipolar disorder because I wasn't impulsively buying stuff, didn't lose control etc bullshit and kept treating me for unipolar depression but they did add lamictal with the 20mg Lexapro to address the aggression etc it was titrate to 200mg and put me in remission for a whole year.
But now in 2024 January I relapsed again and this time it was so bad that doctors were continuosly suggesting ECT. I was admitted for over 3 weeks. Same symptoms- agitation, restlessness etc being treated for MDD and borderline personality disorder Bullshit.
Finally, I saw this miracle doc who said I might actually be bipolar and experiencing mixed episodes. Both the combination of hypomania and depression were making me restless. He said he often sees his patients who're hypomanic get so restless they wanted to crawl out of their skin.
SSRI lexapro would only fuel both so it must be stopped immediately and suggested me to try ketamine (because my symptoms were mostly depressive) and started lithium 600mg/day. They worked like a CHARM. I loved ketamine so much and it put me in remission for 3 months.
But then I relapsed again 3 months later and doc now said it is now time to try the big guns aka antipsychotics and continue ketamine. He said he's willing to prescribe either Vraylar or Latuda which work great for mixed episodes.
TLDR : So, do you have any of my symptoms especially the restlessness during your depressive/hypomanic episodes and which antipsychotic of the two worked the best for you without fueling the restlessness. Personally leaning more towards Vraylar (it has amazing reviews and doesn't cause weight gain)
Symptoms list optionally if anyone wants to read that my son made :
What's your go to treatment plan for mixed states? Is this a mixed state rather than unipolar

• Agitation/Inner restlessness: Unable to remain calm/sit still. Blaming all of her symptoms on this restlessness. When this comes the other symptoms which I'll mention come along too:
  
• Crying and shouting loudly (simply can not control this to sorta escape)
  
• Excessive anger and snapping at/blaming others for no reason: Involuntarily blame people for the most random and petty things who've been the most helpful and kind.
  
• Very Irritable.
  
• Suicidality (to escape the restlessness). Suicidal attempts in aggression where she had to be stopped with a lot of physical force.
  
• Racing negative thoughts leading to Guilt and worthlessness
  
• Irrational/Questionable decisions and behaviors were almost always noted by my family members during these periods accompanied with extreme impatience.
  
• Energy: Being fatigued and unmotivated that she can't even move or do stuff. But at the same time having so much Energy to shout so loud and rip her chest open to escape the "agitation".
  
• Pupils get dilated.
  

I was treated for unipolar depression back in 2020 with SSRI lexapro + amisulpride 50mg and was in remission until 2023 with it.
Then in 2023 I blew a small stressor TOTALLY out of proportion(I think hypomania had already begun then) and got into a really bad or probably even mixed episode (my first one if it was actually mixed). I'd get so restless I'd want to tear off my clothes, attempt to run away, suicidal, get so irritative that I'd say the most wicked shit to my loved ones who were really just trying to help me, lay in bed and cry and shout so loud ALL the time. It was so bad I felt like I was going to die and family members were so worried, I was admitted.
Doctors totally ruled out mania/bipolar disorder because I wasn't impulsively buying stuff, didn't lose control etc bullshit and kept treating me for unipolar depression but they did add lamictal with the 20mg Lexapro to address the aggression etc it was titrate to 200mg and put me in remission for a whole year.
But now in 2024 January I relapsed again and this time it was so bad that doctors were continuosly suggesting ECT. I was admitted for over 3 weeks. Same symptoms- agitation, restlessness etc being treated for MDD and borderline personality disorder Bullshit.
Finally, I saw this miracle doc who said I might actually be bipolar and experiencing mixed episodes. Both the combination of hypomania and depression were making me restless. He said he often sees his patients who're hypomanic get so restless they wanted to crawl out of their skin.
SSRI lexapro would only fuel both so it must be stopped immediately and suggested me to try ketamine (because my symptoms were mostly depressive) and started lithium 600mg/day. They worked like a CHARM. I loved ketamine so much and it put me in remission for 3 months.
But then I relapsed again 3 months later and doc now said it is now time to try the big guns aka antipsychotics and continue ketamine. He said he's willing to prescribe either Vraylar or Latuda which work great for mixed episodes.
TLDR : So, do you have any of my symptoms especially the restlessness during your depressive/hypomanic episodes and which antipsychotic of the two worked the best for you without fueling the restlessness. Personally leaning more towards Vraylar (it has amazing reviews and doesn't cause weight gain)

Has anyone tried ECT or TMS? Allegedly they can be really effective for bipolar and I'm getting desperate. I can stop mania/hypomania but am left with relentless adhonia/apathy and cannot stop the SI. I've tried so many meds and react badly to most of them. Currently on Lamictal alone and I just can't keep this up. I've been in therapy forever, I have a pretty healthy lifestyle and don't drink. Honestly if I didn't have a kid I'd just get off the ride st this point. I don't really even have the desire to get better. It seems so impossible, but I want him to have a good mom so I'm still going. A few years ago a therapist suggest ECT but I wasn't a big fan of her so I'd kind of forgotten till now.

For the past few weeks every single day when i wake up the inside of my vagina is very very itchy and its very uncomfortable. Usually it goes away after a some hours if i leave it alone but sometimes it lasts almost all day or comes back later in the day, although usually by bedtime its gone. The annoying part is every morning the same cycle repeats and ive been dealing with this everyday. I tried using the montistat itch relief cream but its meant for external tissue not inside, although sometimes it works and other days it doesnt help. Im having a hard time figuring out what the cause is, i thought it could be a yeast infection so i took a monistat 1 treatment for that but it didnt stop itching. However the only symptom i have is itching, there isnt much a smell or discharge (other than my period ive been on for weeks because of my nexplanon). I dont know if the nexplanon bleeding could have also caused this, my periods have never caused itching before and although the itching started when the bleeding was happening, i was bleeding for awhile before the itching started. Ive also been taking evening primrose oil to lighten/try to stop the bleeding but idk if that could be the cause since i started taking the pills before the itching started. Please let me know if you might know whats going on because im pretty lost, or if you know of any treatments or remedies PLEASE let me know :)

i’m almost one week on lamictal. this is a vent, with some questions. cw, paranoia around medication. i know this is long but please i need some answers. all of the text below is important.
i got serotonin syndrome about 4 weeks ago from an SSRI combined with adderall. i was already super afraid to take medication before then because ive taken 6 medications beforehand and had bad interactions with half of them, and my psychiatrist was fighting with me to just try it.
24hrs after my first dose, and the serotonin syndome fully set in. i wont get into it, but it was fucking traumatizing going through that, especially after being so afraid initially to try it…
ever since then, i’ve been super paranoid about medication. but i started lamictal anyways, because i was having a mental health crisis, and could not function at all. i was like fuck it, if this makes me worse i’ll go to inpatient.
why am i telling you this? well, here’s the thing. i kind of like lamictal. like, it makes me feel pretty normal, and the best i’ve felt in a while, mentally. but the physical side effects kind of suck, and when it wears off in the afternoon, i feel NOT okay… just weird, and physically sick. and it’s triggering my paranoia and somatic OCD.
i’m incredibly fearful that i’ll have a bad reaction to the drug eventually. i’m also afraid it’ll fuck my mind up too. i have an intense fear of losing my grip on reality, like the way i did when i was suffering from serotonin syndrome. i don’t want to get worse mentally, or get physically sick. idk. like i said before, im extremely paranoid.
i’m scared that i’ll have to do a dosage increase in the future, for whatever reason. i don’t know if i can do it. i see some people in this sub talking about increasing their dosage from 25mg to eventually 100mg, or higher.
why? how do you know if you need an increase? will i have to do that eventually??? will my tolerance of the lamictal just rise, until i need to increase the dosage again? and AGAIN? i don’t know if i can deal with that, or if i will be able to force myself to continue taking the meds if i get even a dosage increase to 50mg.
idk guys. i’m so afraid. i have to force myself to take it every morning and i go through the whole day with the fear of getting sick due to the meds, or my mental health getting worse. i hate being mentally ill. lol i really hope somebody answers this. i dont trust my psychiatrist at all after she prescribed me two meds that are KNOWN to have bad reactions… i need somebody who’s also taking Lamictal to answer the questions in the paragraph above.