Collanite Season 1: Storyline: one day, during day of the blood ring on monstinia, a portal made of this excess energy formed in the relatively small but populated and active island, known as aphrodite, not only that, but it also created a energy dome around itself, that slowly grew until it covered the entire island, causing strange, anomalous events to occur on the island. On further investigation, it was discovered that these events only affect aphrodite. Later on, from the same portal, a group of people from another world fell through into the island and started colonizing it for themself. Theme: strange, otherworldly characters have entered aphrodite
Locations: Monster Metropolis, Saltwater Shore, Skier Slopes, Doggy Diner, Peace Pond, Mount Anon, Starlit Suburb, Golden Saucer, Cozy Cabins, Sakura Swim Club, Misty Mesa, Sacred Shrines
Skins: Travis Touchdown(1), Link(22), 2b(43), Glamrock Freddy(62), Monika(84), Cloud Strife(100)
Destruction Tools: Blood Berry, Ancient Battle Axe, Virtuous Contract, Glamrock Mic, Heart Pen, Buster Sword
Backblings: Blood Berry, Hyrule Shield, Virtuous Contract, Glamrock Giftbox, Poetry Book, Buster Sword
Emoticons: Ancient Bow Drawn, Well Done Superstar, MonikaHeart, Confident Cloud
Gliders: Demzamtiger, Wild Paraglider, yoRHa Flight Unit, Car Battery, Poetry Book, Hardy Daytona
Contrails: Sheikah Symbol, Pod 042, Blue Boltz, Glitching, Materia Orbs
Emotes: Beam Showoff, Milk Drink, Slate Check, Phut Hon, Glamrock Wave, Glamrock Giftbox, Write Your Heart, Code Panel, Piano Practice, Victory!
Weapon Wraps: Tunic Of Memories, yoRHa Specialist, Glamrock Shell, Doki Hearts, Buster Steel
Music Pack: Berry Beatdown, Open Wilds, Blissful Death, Pizzaplex Performance, Your Reality, Let The Battle Begin
Weapon Charms: Jeane, Triforce Of Courage, Superstar, Chibi Sayori, Chocobo
Loading Screens: View Of The Wild, yoRHa Installation, Below The Pizzaplex, JuSt MoNiKa, Fantasy Evolution
Edit Styles: Purple Jacket(Travis Touchdown), Tunic Of Memories, Tunic Of The Wild, Well Worn Outfit(Link), 2p Mock Machine, Mask Off(2B), Dirty Freddy(Glamrock Freddy), Paper President, Ghost Menu Monika, Ponytail Monika, Jumpscares Monika(Monika), Playstation Polygonal(Cloud Strife)
Wildlife: Goose, Chocobo, Wolf, Horse, Snowcoat Fox
Weapons: Thrasher Assault Rifle, Thrasher Burst AR, Thunder Shotgun, Buster Shotgun, Calamity Submachine Gun, Sacred Submachine Gun, Tactical Pistol, Drum Pistol, Ancient Sniper Rifle, Monster Grenades, Silver Longsword, Royal Guards Sword, Beam Katana, Silver Knife, Bronze Knife
Items: Crafting Station, Pizza Box, Pizza Slices, Maple Sprout, Maple Vines, Apple, Baked Apple, Maple Pie, Raw Meat, Meat Skewer, Knights Shield
Weekly Challenges/Updates:
Week 1.
Visit Named Locations (3)
Deal Damage With The Bronze Or Silver Knife (300)
Search Loot Crates (5)
Plant A Maple Sprout, Then Consume Maple Vines (2)
Eliminations With Beam Katana (1)
Week 2.
Visit Starlit Suburb, Then Block Damage With A Shield (200)
Retrieve A Stolen Item From A Goose
Search Uncommon Or Rare Loot Crates (3), Deal Damage With A Thrasher Assault Rifle Or Thunder Shotgun (500)
Tame Horses Or Wolves (1)
Deal Damage With The Royal Guards Sword While Riding On A Horse (350)
Added: Bows, Arrows, Milk Bottles
Week 3.
Fire Arrows At Opponents (8)
Land At Sacred Shrines And Reach Top 50 (1)
Interact With yoHRa Pods (3)
Craft A Shotgun Or SMG Using The Crafting Station (1)
Deal Damage With A yoRHa Assault Rifle (300)
Added: yoHRa Assault Rifle
Week 4.
Pick Up Or Purchase A Pizza Box (1)
Visit Doggy Diner And Consume Pizza Slices (5)
Perform Dodge Rolls With The Knights Shield (3)
Construct A Stage Inside Of Doggy Diner (1)
Eliminate Opponents With The Silver Knife (5)
Week 5.
Visit The Clubroom At Starlit Suburbs (1)
Eliminate Opponents At Starlit Suburbs Or Sakura Swim Club (3)
Consume Cupcakes (5)
Collect A Fazer Blaster And Stun An Opponent Using It (1)
Delete Opponents By Eliminating Them With Four Hits Or Less (1)
Added: Apple Pie, Fazer Blaster
Week 6.
Visit Sacred Shrines Or Sakura Swim Club, Drink Milk Bottles (3)
Collect Torn Poem Pieces Scattered Around Starlit Suburb (7)
Restore Health And Stamina Using Meat Skewers (75)
Deal Damage Using Monster Grenades (150)
Destroy Structures With Beam Katana In A Single Match (20)
Week 7.
Consume Apple Pie (1)
Investigate Strange Energy Signals At Monster Metropolis, Mount Anon And Skier Slopes (3)
Collect A Tactical Pistol And Deal 150 Damage Using It
Piece Together The Torn Poem Pieces Into A Full Poem (7)
Get An Elimination With The Ancient Sniper Rifle (1)
Week 8.
Deal Damage With The Buster Sword (175)
Land At Golden Saucer
Block Damage With The Knights Shield 30 Seconds After Landing (150)
Visit Skier Slopes And Cozy Cabins In A Single Match
Land At Monster Metropolis And Deal Damage With The Buster Swords Cross Slash Or Blade Beam Attack (100)
Added: Buster Sword.
Week 9. Deal Total Damage With The Calamity Smg and Royal Guards Sword In A Single Match (300)
Consume Baked Apples, Maple Pies Or Pizza Slices In A Single Match (8)
Visit The Clubroom At Starlit Suburbs, Read The Pieced Together Poem (1)
Use The Buster Swords Cross Slash To Deal Damage In Different Matches (3)
Tame A Chocobo And Ride It 250 Meters
Week 10.
Interact With The Strange Gauntlet At Mount Anon (1)
Eliminate Opponents Using The Buster Sword (3)
Investigate Strange Objects Appearing At Monster Metropolis, Saltwater Shore, And Misty Mesa (1)
Defeat Prismarine Warriors (5)
Visit Named Locations In A Single Match (3)
Added: Prismarine Warriors, Prismarine Knife
End Event: Power Theft The event starts players around Mt. Anon. The event starts with an anomaly opening up at mount anon and from ot, Romeo the admin appears and steps out laughing maniacally “it is time, people of aphrodite. Time that I take this islands power for my own!” Romeo then rises up into the air, hovering above the center of mt. Anon.. then 2b rushes up the side of the mountain and slashes Romeo with the virtuous contract, causing him to yell out in pain for a moment before quickly composing himself and fires a blast of lava towards 2b, knocking her off the mountain and onto the ground with a thud. He then fires another blast, attempting to finish off the islanders of aphrodite, but monika forms a shield of code that absorbs the blast before closing it. “Don’t worry about him, we’ll stop him before he can do anything harmful” monika says, and then both cloud and travis run up to the mountain, weapons drawn- and then in sync, they jump up into the air and travis performs quick and powerful slashes with his beam katana, while cloud fires multiple blade beams at Romeo, greatly damaging him and knocking him back down onto the mountain, as they both fall back down sure they’ve beaten him.. and they took that moment to rest, but just then as soon as they let their guards down.. romeo began laughing before getting up and dusting himself off and commanding his army of prismarine colossus to rise up from the water around the island and attack everyone on it. Then saying “Now, back to absorbing this pathetic heart of yours” and forming a small protective shield around himself and firing two guardian beams at the center of the island, glamrock freddy then throws everyone a Fazer blaster to stun the colossi, allowing the rest of them to fire at them while they can’t move. Romeo then attempts to pull the power heart out, causing a small tremor as the power heart is ripped out from the core of the island, then once it’s all the way exposed he begins using the beams to absorb the crystallic energy. once the first set of colossus fall, another one walks up from the water almost immediately, and then monika seeing this, says “it’s no use. They just keep coming..” then she gets an idea, and says “alright, I have an idea. But- it’s a risky one..” “if the powerheart becomes corrupted, then it’s dark energy will drain the energy and power of anything making contact with it..” “but, as the heart is what controls everything on this island. If it gets corrupted, the islands landscape and everything would also become corrupted and sinister.. but it’s the only way” monika hesitates for a moment before manipulating and corrupting the powerheart. as the heart grows darker and begins to crack slightly, the influx of dark energy causes romeos beams to backfire, draining him of all his energy and admin powers and causing him to fall out of the sky, back onto the mountain and sliding down the side of it, hitting various things on his way down before eventually coming to a stop on the ground surrounded by everyone else. Romeo then lets out a weak cough, saying in a weak raspy voice “what.. h-happened?..” and link chimes in saying “you just got defeated by us.. now.” And link draws his sword, ready to finish off romeo.. but before he can, the powerheart lets out a big burst of dark energy, knocking everyone back and leaving a decent sized crater around it.

A flicker of light started to drain away the darkness I was so used to. The darkness where I felt most comfortable and at peace. The flicker slowly enveloped the entire pitch black room within minutes. I could do nothing but sigh in disappointment and open my eyes.
My adjusting eyes were being harassed by the tiny beam of light that made it through my curtain. Where it's at the precise angle that you swear some higher power is just messing with you.
My groggy eyes focused on the clock, it was 7:00 a. M.
Time for work.
The day was April 14th, 2014. A Monday. I knew I only had about an hour to get up, get ready for work, shower, make breakfast and make sure I get to work a few minutes early so I didn't clock in late.
I was only 28 years old and I hated my sales job. I had gone to college and got my marketing degree but I never thought I'd end up here.. selling bullshit products at incredibly hiked prices to unsuspecting or oblivious customers.
I had been doing this job for 3 years and it felt like everyday was just going to be worse. Just a buildup of hatred for your job overtime is natural I guess. Typically people find ways to cope with the constant 9-5 grind. Like going out with friends or clubbing or whatever...but I had none of those.
When my days ended I would go home and watch Netflix and drink then do it all again. I wish it was different, I wish I had the motivation to change myself. But it's difficult when you have no one to support you in your efforts. My mom died from breast cancer when I was 12. Seeing her on hospice for several months suffering from stage 4 cancer was...something you shouldn't see as a 12 year old. To see your once lovely, athletic, hilarious, loving and caring mother degrade into an 85 pound, drug-induced, horrifyingly thin creature that in no way resembled her from my memories of when she was cancer free.
I remember one morning my dad woke me up and said "come to the living room...your mother is taking her last breathes". As soon as he finished that sentence, my memories flooded back...memories of her taking care of me when I was sick, being at my soccer games cheering me on, asking how my day was when I got back from school, leaning on her shoulder as we sat in church. The memories came and went in an instant and the reality set in. My heart at first skipped a few beats but then accelerated to an unhealthy pace. My head started to spin, tears slowly started swelling up on my eyes.
I had jumped off the bed and sprinted to the living room. She was facing away from me and the first thing I noticed are how purple/ blue her feet are. I walk around the hospice nurse and look at my mother's face. She was place, her breathing was almost non-existent for almost 2 minutes but still there...until it wasn't...she was gone.
I was lost, my dad was bawling. I was crying too but at 12 years old I didn't know how hard the reality would hit as time goes on.
In my lost state, I turned on the TV show "MONK" on the laptop. It was a show my mom and I used to watch, and I figured watching it would make me feel like I'm with her again.
Time went on and I realized how losing a mother truly impacts your younger years. But time still, moved on yet.
I got in my car and left for work. The drive to the office was only about half an hour. I put my sunglasses on as I'm travelling east for almost the entire drive, something I was used to by this point. The drive to work was uneventful other than the usual jackass that cuts you off or is speeding down the road.
I made it to work and stepped out of my car. For some reason, grabbed my backpack and shut the door. For some reason the thought of my mother came across my mind. The sighed, looked down at the ground and stared at the concrete for the few seconds while only thinking of how I missed her. Then the thought vanished and I got on with my life.
The day was incredibly boring, only sold a couple of products, I dealt with people in the east coast of the U.S. and customers there are always so nasty and rude with their comments. It's impossible to build rapport with them. I'm jealous of the employees that have West coast as their territory.
The day ended with my last call but no sales for the day. Hopped in my car and drove back home.
Now I've already told you what I do when I get home. Just drink and watch Netflix. And that's exactly what I did. I can't remember the name of the show( probably because I was already tipsy) but it had to do with strange phenomenons.
I don't even remember passing out but I do remember being there in that dark room again; it was so comfortable and cozy. I sat in the corner of the room with eyes wide closed ...no people, nothing to disturb me, just... nothingness of warmth.
For hours this went on until I heard a woman's voice saying "I'm glad you're here". suddenly realizing that I had overslept my body jolted awake, completely forgetting about that eerie voice. Drinking on a Monday night is not a good idea. Blurry and in a haze trying to concentrate my focus I made out the clock saying 7:00 a.m. April 15th, 2014.
I thought how odd that was. I've been doing the same job with the same schedule for 3 years now and I know when I oversleep. Yet knowing this brought a mental smile to my mind, as my supervisor won't get on my ass for showing up late, again.
I got up lazily and stretched and got on with my morning routine. Finally got dressed and hopped in my car to leave for work. I was only about 5 minutes in when I realized something was off...why was I wearing sunglasses? The sun was behind me, not in front. I took my glasses off and read my car dashboard compass; "EAST".
I have taken this drive for 3 years now every Monday through Friday and I had always worn sunglasses for the drive to the office. I looked behind me and saw the sun rising from the west.
I was still calm, but subconsciously I could tell my panic and anxiety were building with what I was experiencing. I decided to pull over at a gas station, took my phone out and opened my GPS. 'I was still facing east.
I quietly stated "what the fuck". I looked up and asked the person next to me pumping gas " look! The sun! It's rising from the west" with an ecstatic and speedy tone. He looked at me with a smile on his face and said "yeah? Don't ya know it's always rose from the west".
The reality of this was starting to set on, anxiety building, I got back in my car and just sat there... Running my hands through my hair, pulling and stretching my face wondering what the hell was happening? My eyes were staring wide at the brake and gas pedal...trying to find some kind of logical explanation for this while still running my hands over my face and hair.
I decided to take my phone out again and click on trending news hoping to see something explaining or even acknowledging this phenomenon. Nothing. I opened Google search and looked up "sun rising in west" the first thing that popped up said Earth is rotating about its own axis from East to West".
This wasn't right.
I figured I would try to get to work and maybe one of my coworkers would have some answer. My entire body was shaking for the entire drive but I made it".
I got out of the car and the strangest thing came across my mind. A memory. A very unique memory of back when I was 12, in the back yard playing capture the flag with my neighbor that lived behind me. A time which I could go back when.
The memory came and vanished in an instant, but left the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and sadness.
I walked into the office and started asking around about the sun. Again, none of them knew what I was talking about, but before they answered my question, they would say "oh hey, it's nice to have you here" or "we're glad to have you here" all with a smile on their faces.
Not super weird as my coworkers are typically super energetic happy people. But it did become weird when my east coast clients started answering their phones saying "hey, you're always welcome here"
I couldn't see their faces but I could tell by their tone and attitude that they were smiling. This was not normal. I rushed to the bathroom, opened a stall and sat on the toilet. I started having a panic attack. Nothing was right, the people, the sun, the specific memories... I started to run my hands over my face, stretching and contorting it, trying to calm myself down with feeling my heart bursting out of my chest. I started to whimper, I didn't want anyone outside of the stalls to hear me. None of my coworkers were right, the guy at the gas station wasn't right...nothing. years swelled up in my eyes and a brief memory of my mom came back.
It was me, coming home from school, I walked inside and could smell the pizza she was making. I see and her and asks me hey, how was your day?".
This memory helped calm me down from the wreck I was turning into. I took several deep breaths, tried my very best to compose myself, and stepped out of the stall. I ended up taking some paper towels and wiped away the tears that were caught in my eyes.
I decided that I will just try to finish this day because tomorrow everything would be back to normal...I have to reassure myself that I would be, I just knew it would be....it had to be.
I sat down back at my desk and my phone rang, picked it up and a voice came through. The voice of my mother asking " I am so glad you are here, Luke".
I was frozen, shocking, tingly sensations ran through my entire body. My demeaner instantly changed into fight or flight mode...but I chose the 3rd... freeze.
Phone still up to my ear, I heard her speak again. "Oh honey, Luke my sweet boy, don't you remember?".
I didn't reply verbally, but mentally I was thinking "remember...what the hell is...remember what?"
Then she spoke one last time, "last night, you saw the sun".
Then the memory of the night before races back into my mind. I was on my drive home from work, watching the beautiful sunset over the horizon. With all it's beautiful mixtures of orange, red, purple. I was so just staring at it...in a trance, thinking of how I wanted to go back and just be a kid again, play with my back door neighbor, come home to my mom. Why couldn't I just go back?
I suddenly hear a blaring car horn and then blackness.
I believe I died on April 15th, 2014. And I don't mind it. I like being in this black empty room just sitting in the corner..with nothing but warm emptiness to fill my cold shell. I like feeling the embraces of it's comfort over the tiring lifestyle I was living. My only dream was that I could dream forever...and now it's finally been achieved.
I miss my mother, and I know she misses me, the memories I have of her will keep me warm in this blackened wasteland forever.

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.

A flicker of light started to drain away the darkness I was so used to. The darkness where I felt most comfortable and at peace. The flicker slowly enveloped the entire pitch black room within minutes. I could do nothing but sigh in disappointment and open my eyes.
My adjusting eyes were being harassed by the tiny beam of light that made it through my curtain. Where it's at the precise angle that you swear some higher power is just messing with you.
My groggy eyes focused on the clock, it was 7:00 a. M.
Time for work.
The day was April 14th, 2014. A Monday. I knew I only had about an hour to get up, get ready for work, shower, make breakfast and make sure I get to work a few minutes early so I didn't clock in late.
I was only 28 years old and I hated my sales job. I had gone to college and got my marketing degree but I never thought I'd end up here.. selling bullshit products at incredibly hiked prices to unsuspecting or oblivious customers.
I had been doing this job for 3 years and it felt like everyday was just going to be worse. Just a buildup of hatred for your job overtime is natural I guess. Typically people find ways to cope with the constant 9-5 grind. Like going out with friends or clubbing or whatever...but I had none of those.
When my days ended I would go home and watch Netflix and drink then do it all again. I wish it was different, I wish I had the motivation to change myself. But it's difficult when you have no one to support you in your efforts. My mom died from breast cancer when I was 12. Seeing her on hospice for several months suffering from stage 4 cancer was...something you shouldn't see as a 12 year old. To see your once lovely, athletic, hilarious, loving and caring mother degrade into an 85 pound, drug-induced, horrifyingly thin creature that in no way resembled her from my memories of when she was cancer free.
I remember one morning my dad woke me up and said "come to the living room...your mother is taking her last breathes". As soon as he finished that sentence, my memories flooded back...memories of her taking care of me when I was sick, being at my soccer games cheering me on, asking how my day was when I got back from school, leaning on her shoulder as we sat in church. The memories came and went in an instant and the reality set in. My heart at first skipped a few beats but then accelerated to an unhealthy pace. My head started to spin, tears slowly started swelling up on my eyes.
I had jumped off the bed and sprinted to the living room. She was facing away from me and the first thing I noticed are how purple/ blue her feet are. I walk around the hospice nurse and look at my mother's face. She was pale, her breathing was almost non-existent for almost 2 minutes but still there...until it wasn't...she was gone.
I was lost, my dad was bawling. I was crying too but at 12 years old I didn't know how hard the reality would hit as time goes on.
In my lost state, I turned on the TV show "MONK" on the laptop. It was a show my mom and I used to watch, and I figured watching it would make me feel like I'm with her again.
Time went on and I realized how losing a mother truly impacts your younger years. But time still, moved on yet.
I got in my car and left for work. The drive to the office was only about half an hour. I put my sunglasses on as I'm travelling east for almost the entire drive, something I was used to by this point. The drive to work was uneventful other than the usual jackass that cuts you off or is speeding down the road.
I made it to work and stepped out of my car. For some reason, grabbed my backpack and shut the door. For some reason the thought of my mother came across my mind. The sighed, looked down at the ground and stared at the concrete for the few seconds while only thinking of how I missed her. Then the thought vanished and I got on with my life.
The day was incredibly boring, only sold a couple of products, I dealt with people in the east coast of the U.S. and customers there are always so nasty and rude with their comments. It's impossible to build rapport with them. I'm jealous of the employees that have West coast as their territory.
The day ended with my last call but no sales for the day. Hopped in my car and drove back home.
Now I've already told you what I do when I get home. Just drink and watch Netflix. And that's exactly what I did. I can't remember the name of the show( probably because I was already tipsy) but it had to do with strange phenomenons.
I don't even remember passing out but I do remember being there in that dark room again; it was so comfortable and cozy. I sat in the corner of the room with eyes wide closed ...no people, nothing to disturb me, just... nothingness of warmth.
For hours this went on until I heard a woman's voice saying "I'm glad you're here". suddenly realizing that I had overslept my body jolted awake, completely forgetting about that eerie voice. Drinking on a Monday night is not a good idea. Blurry and in a haze trying to concentrate my focus I made out the clock saying 7:00 a.m. April 15th, 2014.
I thought how odd that was. I've been doing the same job with the same schedule for 3 years now and I know when I oversleep. Yet knowing this brought a mental smile to my mind, as my supervisor won't get on my ass for showing up late, again.
I got up lazily and stretched and got on with my morning routine. Finally got dressed and hopped in my car to leave for work. I was only about 5 minutes in when I realized something was off...why was I wearing sunglasses? The sun was behind me, not in front. I took my glasses off and read my car dashboard compass; "EAST".
I have taken this drive for 3 years now every Monday through Friday and I had always worn sunglasses for the drive to the office. I looked behind me and saw the sun rising from the west.
I was still calm, but subconsciously I could tell my panic and anxiety were building with what I was experiencing. I decided to pull over at a gas station, took my phone out and opened my GPS. 'I was still facing east.
I quietly stated "what the fuck". I looked up and asked the person next to me pumping gas " look! The sun! It's rising from the west" with an ecstatic and speedy tone. He looked at me with a smile on his face and said "yeah? Don't ya know it's always rose from the west".
The reality of this was starting to set on, anxiety building, I got back in my car and just sat there... Running my hands through my hair, pulling and stretching my face wondering what the hell was happening? My eyes were staring wide at the brake and gas pedal...trying to find some kind of logical explanation for this while still running my hands over my face and hair.
I decided to take my phone out again and click on trending news hoping to see something explaining or even acknowledging this phenomenon. Nothing. I opened Google search and looked up "sun rising in west" the first thing that popped up said Earth is rotating about its own axis from East to West".
This wasn't right.
I figured I would try to get to work and maybe one of my coworkers would have some answer. My entire body was shaking for the entire drive but I made it".
I got out of the car and the strangest thing came across my mind. A memory. A very unique memory of back when I was 12, in the back yard playing capture the flag with my neighbor that lived behind me. A time which I could go back when.
The memory came and vanished in an instant, but left the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and sadness.
I walked into the office and started asking around about the sun. Again, none of them knew what I was talking about, but before they answered my question, they would say "oh hey, it's nice to have you here" or "we're glad to have you here" all with a smile on their faces.
Not super weird as my coworkers are typically super energetic happy people. But it did become weird when my east coast clients started answering their phones saying "hey, you're always welcome here"
I couldn't see their faces but I could tell by their tone and attitude that they were smiling. This was not normal. I rushed to the bathroom, opened a stall and sat on the toilet. I started having a panic attack. Nothing was right, the people, the sun, the specific memories... I started to run my hands over my face, stretching and contorting it, trying to calm myself down with feeling my heart bursting out of my chest. I started to whimper, I didn't want anyone outside of the stalls to hear me. None of my coworkers were right, the guy at the gas station wasn't right...nothing. years swelled up in my eyes and a brief memory of my mom came back.
It was me, coming home from school, I walked inside and could smell the pizza she was making. I see and her and asks me hey, how was your day?".
This memory helped calm me down from the wreck I was turning into. I took several deep breaths, tried my very best to compose myself, and stepped out of the stall. I ended up taking some paper towels and wiped away the tears that were caught in my eyes.
I decided that I will just try to finish this day because tomorrow everything would be back to normal...I have to reassure myself that I would be, I just knew it would be....it had to be.
I sat down back at my desk and my phone rang, picked it up and a voice came through. The voice of my mother asking " I am so glad you are here, Luke".
I was frozen, shocking, tingly sensations ran through my entire body. My demeaner instantly changed into fight or flight mode...but I chose the 3rd... freeze.
Phone still up to my ear, I heard her speak again. "Oh honey, Luke my sweet boy, don't you remember?".
I didn't reply verbally, but mentally I was thinking "remember...what is...remember what?"
Then she spoke one last time, "last night, when you saw the sun".
Then the memory of the night before races back into my mind. I was on my drive home from work, watching the beautiful sunset over the horizon. With all it's beautiful mixtures of orange, red, purple. I was just staring at it...in a trance, thinking of how I wanted to go back and just be a kid again, play with my back door neighbor, come home to my mom. Why couldn't I just go back.
I suddenly hear a blaring horn and then darkness.
I believe I died on April 15th, 2014. And I don't mind it. I like being in this black empty room just sitting in the corner..with nothing but warm emptiness to fill my cold shell. I like feeling the embraces of it's comfort over the tiring lifestyle I was living. My only dream was that I could dream forever...and now it's finally been achieved.
I miss my mother, and I know she misses me, the memories I have of her will keep me warm in this blackened wasteland forever.

Sorry if I am an idiot, I know almost nothing about taxes or paying them.
In 2022 I received $15,500 from my employer so that I could meet the minimum flight time requirements to be hired. The condition was that I had to stay 2 years for it to be forgiven. I also received this money before I was technically employed by the company. I didn’t list that on my taxes because I never saw the money and didn’t really think about it due to me be a tax idiot with no idea what he’s doing. I left the company in late 2022.
In 2023, my former employer asked for $15,241.40 back. I repaid this to them in full when asked. I didn’t really think about it and didn’t receive any other documents or mailings from them and sort of forgot about it. Fast forward to now and I get a “CP2000” from the IRS saying I didn’t report a $20,000 NEC from that company, wanting almost $7,000 in owed taxes. EDIT: also I was a W2 employee with this company, is it ok for them to give me a 1099 NEC for the bonus a year after the fact?
My thoughts are, I repaid this money! How is it income if I paid it back essentially as a loan? What are my options here? I have a paper trail to back up everything in the dollar amounts I specified. Am I able to fight this and the claim of $20,000 by my former company?
Thanks for all your time reading this and helping me!

I'm a student graduating from a CSU looking to apply to econ & econ adjacent (accounting/finance) PhD programs. I'm not sure where to aim since I have a weird profile. I'd appreciate anyone's input. I like tax research and asset pricing so I think I'm going to focus on accounting Ph.D.'s since I think my calc grades will be less of an issue and because I have a job lined up at a public accounting firm in the fall.
I plan on working for 1-3 years before applying. I'd really just like an idea of what I can do to improve my profile and where I should be aiming right now. Goal-wise if I went accounting I'd be shooting for an R1 placement and if I went econ I think I'd be shooting for a job as a CSU prof.
I am also looking at econ masters programs. I can attend USC's applied masters program at a deep discount (taxable tuition waiver) because one of my parents is an adjunct there. That seems like it would solve a lot of my problems since it would establish some distance between me and my undergrad grades and they have a masters thesis option which could give me a letter of rec from someone well known. Placing into USC's accounting PhD would be ideal, there are a lot of people there I'd like to work with. My main concern is that it is not intended for PhD prep, so I'm not sure how much I would actually get out of it.
My Profile:
Overall GPA: 3.1
GPA in the last 2 years: 3.65
Econ GPA: 3.9
Math GPA: 3.13
Note: My university does not award A+ grades, an A is a 4.0.
Math Classes in Chronological Order:

• Business Calc: A
• Stats 101: C
• Calc 1: B (Retaken after a D)
• Calc 2: C
• Calc 3: B
• Probability Theory: C
• Intro to Higher Math (Proof Writing): A
• Linear Algebra: A
• Intro to Real Analysis: A
• Mathematical Statistics: A

Econ Classes in Chronological Order:

• Intro to Micro: A
• Intro to Macro: B
• History: A
• Price Theory: A
• Money and Banking: A
• Econ Data Analysis: A
• Macro Theory: A
• Labor: B+
• Development: A-
• Metrics: A
• International Finance: A
• Public Econ: A

Research Experience:
1.5 years as an undergrad research assistant:

• Assists in modeling energy markets & optimal levels of liquid natural gas storage in the EU
• Used Python to aggregate over 20,000 firm level datasets into a comprehensive dataset for the EU, giving us 100 times as much usable data.
• Incorporated state-level Renewable Portfolio Standards into existing python model, generating additional metrics used to measure the impact of regulatory pressure
• Utilizes Python data science packages for regression analysis, data manipulation, and visualization

Letters of rec:
3 pretty enthusiastic letters, but none of them are well-known economists of course because its a more teaching-oriented school. One is from the professor I was a research assistant under, the other two are from professors who I took an upper-division class with and wrote a class paper for.
My math stats professor, who has a phd in stats & a masters in econ, said he would write a supplemental letter saying that I am well prepared for phd level econometrics if that matters.
GRE:
Haven't taken it yet, but I have done well on every standardized math test I've taken and this will be the first one I put a lot of effort into. I got a 170 on the quantitative section of the practice test before studying, so I expect I'll be able to get a 167+ by the time I apply. Would a 167 vs 170 make a difference in my case?
If you read this whole thing, thank you so much! I appreciate the time everyone here takes to help each other out.

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP)
Atlantis The Lost Empire (MA)
Atlantis Milos Return (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Brother Bear 1 (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (MA)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
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Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
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The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (MA)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
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Guess Who HD
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Untraceable HD
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A Dog's Purpose 4K
Backdraft 2 4K
Black Christmas 4K
The Sparks Brothers 4K
Agnes Browne HD
Antz HD
Being Frank HD
Don't Let Go HD
Final Account HD
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Raw HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
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Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
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Dracula Untold (MA)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
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Hop (MA)
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Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
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Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
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Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Mean Girls 2024 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Minions (MA)
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Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
Taken 2 (MA)
Ted unrated (MA)
Ted 2 unrated (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (vudu split)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Terminator Dark Fate 4K (vudu split)
Terminator Genisys (Vudu split)
The Adventures of Tin Tin (Vudu split)
The Amazing Spiderman 2 (MA)
The Big Lebowski (MA)
The Big Short (VUDU split)
The Boss Baby (MA)
The Boss Unrated (MA)
The Bourne Identity (MA)
The Bourne Legacy (MA)
The Bourne Ultimatum (MA)
The Breakfast Club (MA)
The Croods (MA)
The Dark Tower (MA)
The Dictator (VUDU split)
The Dilemma (MA)
The Fault in our Stars (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
The Gambler (Vudu split)
The Girl On The Train (MA)
The Great Wall (MA)
The Guilt Trip (Vudu split)
The Heat 2013 (MA)
The Impossible (Vudu)
The Internship (MA)
The Mummy 2017 (MA)
The Other Woman (MA)
The Purge 2013 (MA split)
The Purge: Election Year (MA) split
The Scorpion King 4 Quest For Power (MA) split
The Secret Life of Pets (MA)
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (MA)
The Sponge Bob Movie Sponge out of Water (VUDU split)
The Wolf of Wallstreet (VUDU split)
The Wolverine Extended (MA)
This is 40 theatrical (MA)
Top Gun (vudu split)
Top Gun Maverick (VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K)
Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
Transformers Age of Extinction (Vudu split)
Transformers The Last Knight (Vudu split)
True Grit (VUDU split)
Turbo (MA)
Unbroken (MA)
Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
Warcraft ( MA)
War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu split)
Wonder (Vudu or iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu split)
X-Men Days of Future Past (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (Vudu split)
ITUNES HD CODES (unless otherwise stated)
Alien Covenant (redeems 4K)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The Road Trip (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues (split)
Assassins Creed (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
Cowboys and Aliens (ports to MA)
Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
Dredd (redeems 4K)
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (ports to MA)
Dr.Seuss' Horton Hears A Who (prts to MA)
Exodus Gods and Kings (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fast and Furious 6 extended 2013 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fifty Shades of Grey (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Game of Thrones Season 1
Game of Thrones Season 2
Gifted (ports to MA)
G I Joe Retaliation (split) (redeems 4K)
Gone Girl (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters
Hercules 2014 (split redeems 4K)
Hidden Figures (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hitman Agent 47 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone 2 (ports to MA)
Hop (ports to MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hugo (Split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games (split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 (split redeems 4K)
Ice Age (ports to MA)
Ice Age 5 Collision Course (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Identity Thief (ports to MA)
If I Stay (redeems 4K)
Independence Day Resurgence (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (split redeems 4K)
Jurassic World (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Keeping up with the Jonses (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kingsman The Golden Circle (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (ports to MA)
Les Miserables 2012 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lets Be Cops (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Logan (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lucy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Minions (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Fallout (split redeems 4K)
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Nebraska
Neighbors (ports to MA)
Night at the Museum Secret of the Tomb (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Noah (split)
No Strings Attached (split)
Oblivion (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Office Christmas Party (redeems 4K)
Paranormal Activity 1 (split)
Paranormal Activity 2 (split)
Pitch Perfect 1 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Playing with Fire (redeems 4K)
Rango (redeems 4K)
Rise of the Planet of the apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Savages (ports to MA)
Silicon Valley Season 3
Sing (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
Snatched (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Snow White and the Huntsman (ports to MA)
Spectre (redeems 4K)
Spy unrated (ports to MA)
Star Trek Beyond (redeems 4K)
Star Trek Into Darkness (redeems 4K)
Super 8 (redeems 4K split)
Taken 3 (ports to MA)
Ted (ports to MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (redeems 4K)
Terminator Genisys 4K (iTunes split) (redeems 4K)
The Book of Life (ports to MA)
The Bourne Legacy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Fault In Our Stars (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Longest Ride (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Martian (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
The Mountain Between Us (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Peanuts Movie (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Secret Life of Pets (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Wolf of Wall Street (split redeems 4K)
This is 40 (ports to MA)
Transformers Age of Extinction (split redeems 4K)
Transformers The Last Knight (split redeems 4K)
True Grit (redeems 4K)
Unbroken (ports to MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Warm Bodies (split redeems 4K)
Why him (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
World War Z (split) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Apocalypse (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Days of Future Past (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (redeems 4K)
Zoolander No 2 (split)
ITUNES/MA/VUDU (SD) Redeem Codes (See Link Below)
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**ALL codes have been verified
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Ghostbusters Frozen Empire MA
Godzilla X Kong The New Empire MA
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania MA
Kung Fu Panda 4 MA
Other new releases

Context. I live in my bfs apartment. Its an upstairs/downstairs duplex. We live upstairs. And this isn't a normal apartment this is a house that some guy bough and renovated to be 2 apartments and rents it out on fb marketplace. He does long term rentals so my bf has had his apartment upstairs for 7 years and ive lived here with him for 2. The way you get into our apartment is you enter through the side door and theres an area everyone has access to and you can go down a short flight of stairs to get to the basement where the washers and dryers are (we own our own set ourselves and the other set is technically communal but that's gross) if you go upstairs you hit another landing with the neighbors back door and bathroom door and another starcase that leads to our front door. And since this is a renovated regular house a lot of the rooms dont make a lot of sense. The downstairs apartment doesn't have its own bathroom technically. The bathroom entrance is in the stairwell. So they have to completely leave their apartment and go into the shared stairwell to shower or use the toilet. So the downstairs neighbors use the stairwell as much as us despite them having their own front door at the front of the house.
Our landlord kinda sucks. He doesn't really upkeep the property unless someone complains. I dont have his number cuz technically im not on the lease and my bf doesn't want to bother him with trivial stuff cuz technically he could kick us out if he wanted to. My bfs lease says no pets and any people that move in must be added. The landord knows im here, ive met him several times. And he knows i have a cat. He raised our rent by $25 a month because of my cat but he never said anything about us not being allowed to have him. And I'm pretty sure its because I've personally done pretty much all of the upkeep inside the house. Im an extremely clean person. A clean freak if you will. And messes and shit make me anxious af. When i moved in we had different downstairs neighbors and they used the stairwell as kinda storage. Mountains of boxes and shoes and toys and shit stacked along the walls. It drove me nuts. But i couldn't do anything about it. When they finally moved out i completely cleaned and decorated the stairwell. Used my own supplies and bought the decorations myself. Spent hours scrubbing the walls and floors and cleaning out the window frames and shit. The decorations arent much, just a couple fake houseplants, but i figured with some decorations in the stairwell whoever moved in next might be detered from using it as storage. All in all cleaning and decorating the stairwell cost me about $150ish and a couple hours of labor. I didnt mind it at all though because now it doesn't make me anxious af when i walk into the building. And the landlord loved it and thanked me and his wife thanked me.
In the year, maybe year and a half, since the first neighbors moved weve gone through like 3 or 4 people downstairs. We hated most of them because they were loud af at all hours. One used to blast music at like 2am. There was one we really liked at first. A couple the same age as us who were pretty cool. And we hoped they would last a while but after the first week they started fighting constantly. Screaming at each other in the middle of the night and shit. They didn't even last the whole first month before they broke up and the guy left. And the chick had to leave cuz she couldn't afford the apartment solo. That's when we got our current neighbors. We've never spoken to each other and im not even sure who actually lives there cuz there's always people coming and going and I've never consistently seen any one person there. They kinda creeped me out when they first moved in cuz they had their back door open (the door that leads into the stairwell) and i was in the stairwell to go outside and smoke but got distracted on my phone for a second and one of the guys stood in the doorway and staired at me with a weird look on his face till i left. But after that i never saw him again so i dont think he actually lives there. They're pretty quiet so we didnt mind them at first. But then they started leaving their trash in the stairwell. And ig they don't have an actual trashcan for their bathroom or bedroom cuz it would be like fast food bags filled with used toilet paper and shit like that. And they would leave the trash there for days until i would take it to the trashcan outside. And i got sick of that pretty quick and tried a couple times to knock to talk to them but noone would answer so i left them a note that wasn't mean or bitchy or anything i basically just said the stairwell is communal and ive been taking their trash outside for them but they need to start taking their trash outside. And they did. But they would leave in on the ground literally next to the trashcan instead of inside it. And the wind would blow their trash all over the back yard (the back yard is our yard and the front yard is their yard) so id still be cleaning up their trash constantly. But i never had to bring it up to the landlord cuz i was outside one day when he was at the next door house (which he also owns and is split into 2 apartments the same way as ours) and he asked me if it was us leaving our trash on the ground cuz he was sick of having to clean up trash before he could mow and i told him no its the downstairs people and that they do it a lot and were leaving it inside but i was sick of cleaning up after them too. Ig he said something to them cuz they started putting their trash somewhere else. Idk where though cuz we only have 1 outside trashcan and I've never seen them use it. But problem solved right? Wrong. Im pretty sure they've been just piling their trash up in their house cuz not to long after that i saw a roach in the stairwell. I lost my shit and killed it and my bf saw it and said it wasnt a roach and convinced me i was being dramatic. Then i saw one in our apartment. And i caught it under a cup to show him and he finally believed me. So we had to sink a bunch of money into buying shit to prevent more from coming into our apartment. Caulk for cracks in the walls, outlet covers, drain covers, door sleeves. That kinda shit. It was one and done though so he didnt want to bother the landlord with it. And it's been months and i havnt seen anything else, even in the stairwell, so i think the landlord found out anyway and said something or they just decided to do something themselves.
Now they've lived here a while and have gotten comfortable. I had to buy an air freshener for the stairwell because they go and take giant disgusting shits and turn the stairwell into a gas chamber. And they've started using the stairwell to knock dirt off their carpets and shit and they just leave the dirt on the ground. So im constantly having to sweep it up myself. And my bf keeps blaming me for the stairwell smelling like cigarettes because he knows i smoke but i go outside and close the door so ik its not me and i was confused for a while how it could be me until i caught the neighbors one night smoking in their kitchen with the door to the stairwell open so all the cigarette smoke drifted into the stairwell. I've started leaving the windows open in the stairwell to clear out the smoke. But its cold at night still and the neighbors keep going and aggressively closing the windows cuz its to cold ig.
And none of this is my responsibility. I shouldn't have to constantly be cleaning up after them. It's not my house. The stairwell is communal the landlord should be cleaning it but he doesn't and since i dont want to constantly have to look at messes and shit i end up having to do it and im so fucking sick of it.

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Hi everyone,
I am an undergraduate student from Bangladesh (Asia) majoring in Economics. I have only two more semesters left before I graduate. My current CGPA is [3.41], and I am aiming to raise it to 3.5 or higher by the end of this semester.
Here is my grade report so far (attached). I have registered for the GRE in September and am targeting a score of 315+.
I am interested in applying for a Master's program in Economics at a university ranked between 300-550 in the USA. Given my academic background and my GRE target score, do you think I have a chance of securing a scholarship at a decent university? If you have any tips or advice on how to improve my application or any specific universities that might be a good fit, I would greatly appreciate it.
Additionally, I have a few topics in mind for my thesis that I hope to publish. I am also currently working with a senior on a research paper that has a 50-50 chance of getting published.
https://preview.redd.it/fjivn4jsjc1d1.jpg?width=794&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2539dfe5b36768cdab0b87efc7650fd0d7b0d047
Thank you in advance for your help!

"You gotta know that there's an art to it, Ezra," Hitch said, cutting another piece of duct tape.
The sleeves of his weather-beaten coat were shoved all the way up his arms, to stop the fabric from falling over his knuckles while he was working, and goosebumps lined his skin. He was strapping a rubber chicken to the back of his truck, over the lens of the shattered backup camera, with the legs pointing down so that they hung a couple inches above the ground. There were dents in the hood from the crash last week, and scratches along the door from scraping into a curb. The chicken, hopefully, would keep him from breaking anything else.
"You can't go cheap," Hitch said. "The cheap rubber chickens only make noise when pressure lets go. That's no good. As soon as I back up into something, I want this chicken to be screaming like it’s in the depths of hell."
“Sure thing,” I said in a monotone, leaning against the side of the truck.
There were scrambled electronic parts piled in the back of the truck, the innards of a radio, a broken computer, tangled wires, a couple loose pairs of earbuds. He found the parts in alleyways or bummed them off his friends for a couple bucks or stole them from the vacation homes that were left empty for most of the year. Then he sold them for a profit at the scrapyard. Hitch had bounced between minimum-wage jobs for a while after high school, spending a couple months as a bagger at the grocery store or as a seasonal worker at the farm two hours down the highway. He'd never stuck with it. At the very least, the scrapyard got him enough money to eat and occasionally spend a night in a motel when he got tired of sleeping in his car.
Hitch pressed the last piece of tape in place and grinned up at me. "I've got something for you, duck."
The nickname came from when I’d broken my leg as a child and waddled around in a cast until it was healed. I hated it with a burning passion, and I glared at Hitch with the ease of twenty-one years of practice. He had a duck tattoo at the base of his thumb that he’d gotten in a back-alley shop as a teenager. He said that he’d gotten it to remind him of me, and the fact that I hated the nickname was just a bonus. It was shaky-lined, with an uneven face, but he loved it anyway.
The handle stuck when Hitch tried to open the door, a consequence of the rust collecting in the crevices of the car and running down the sides like blood from a cut. The car groaned when the door finally popped open, a metal against metal screech that had me flinching away. Hitch dug through the cluttered fast food containers in the passenger-side footwell, eventually coming up with a crinkly paper bag. He waved away the flies buzzing around the opening of the bag and held it out to me.
The last time Hitch had brought me food, I’d gotten food poisoning because he’d left it out in the midday sun for two days. The donut was squished slightly, and the icing was stuck to the bag. I still ate it, grimacing at the harsh citrus flavor. Taking Hitch’s food was an instinct engraved from the days when Dad had given us a can of kidney beans for dinner and Hitch had drank the juice, leaving the beans for me.
I rarely went hungry anymore, three mostly square meals a day and granola in my pockets just in case, but habits didn’t die easy.
These days, Hitch only brought me food when he wanted my help, like when he saw a place he wanted to hit but was worried about doing it alone.
I got in the car, like I always did.
We drove past the cluster of seafood-themed restaurants with chipped paint decks, the beachfront park where there were always shifty-eyed men sitting under the slide, the single room library where all the books had been water damaged in the flood last year. The change was quick as we drove across Main Street, heading closer to the beach. The roads were freshly paved, the concrete a smooth black except where the sun had already started to pick away at it. The three-story homes lining the sides of the street were crouched on elegant stilts, with space underneath for a car or three. Most of the garages were empty, with the lights off and curtains drawn in the house. Come summer, the streets would be swarming with tourists and vacationers, but until then, most of the buildings nearest to the beach were unoccupied.
Hitch stopped as the sun started to go down at a house that was leaning precariously out towards the beach, tilted ever so slightly, the edge of its foundation buried in the shifting sand of the beach. It certainly looked deserted, with an overgrown yard and blue paint peeling off the door in sheets.
Hitch took his hammer out of the backseat, hoisting it over his shoulder. It was two feet of solid metal with rags wrapped around the head to muffle the sound of the hits. Hitch squared up, bending his knees and holding the hammer like a baseball bat. Before he could swing, though, the door creaked open on its own, the hinges squeaking. The house beyond was dark enough that I could only make out general shapes, glimpsing the curve of a sofa to the left, what was maybe the shimmer of a chandelier on the other side.
Hitch lowered his hammer, looking vaguely disappointed that he didn’t get to use it. “That’s…weird as hell.”
“Maybe the deadbolt broke, maybe they forgot to lock it, it doesn’t matter,” I hissed, checking our surroundings for other people again. “Just hurry up and get inside before someone calls the cops.”
Hitch flicked the lightswitch on the wall, and the lights flickered on. They were dim, buzzing audibly and blinking off occasionally. The walls were plastered with contrasting swatches of wallpaper and splattered with random colors. There was neon orange behind the dining table, a galaxy swirl in the kitchen, and on the ceiling there was a repeating floral pattern covered in nametag stickers. Each of the stickers was filled out with The Erlking. Chandeliers hung in every room, three or four for each, and rubber ducks sat on every table. A miniature carousel sat in the corner along with a towering model rocket.
Sand was heaped on every surface, at least a couple inches everywhere. It was piled in the corners and stuck to the walls, and it covered the floor in a thick blanket. Our hesitant steps into the house left footprints clearly outlined in the sand.
Hitch took a cursory look around and headed immediately for the TV mounted on the wall. “Look out the windows and tell me if anyone is coming.”
I shook the sand out of the blinds and pulled them open, then had to brush sand off of the window before I could see anything.
Hitch was quick, practiced at finding and appropriating the things that were worth taking. He came back to me with an armful of electronics and chandeliers, dumping it at my feet before turning to head deeper into the house again.
There was a thump, somewhere upstairs, and then footsteps, slow and deliberate. Hitch froze at the threshold of the room, then ran for the door with me just ahead of him, sand flying out from under our feet.
My hand was almost brushing the doorknob, close enough that I could see the light from the streetlamp outside streaming in through the cracks in the door. My fingers touched the wood and it gave under my touch, becoming malleable and warm. I yelped, stumbling backwards, and the door started to melt. The paint ran down in thick drops, pooling at the bottom of the door, and the wood warped like metal being welded. The soft edges of the door ran into the walls until there was no sign of an exit ever being there.
“Well, well, well,” said a cultured voice with just an edge of snooty elitism. “What do we have here?”
The man was well over eight feet tall, with long black hair covering his eyes. He was wearing a yellow raincoat with holes cut out of the hood to accommodate the deer antlers jutting upwards from his head. There was sand settled on his shoulders and hovering around his head like a halo.
“Who the fuck are you?” Hitch said, inching towards a window.
He smiled, just a little bit, and his teeth shone in the dim light. “I am the Erlking.”
Hitch nodded, and seemed about to respond. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him towards the window. I could feel sand in the wind roaring against my back as the Erlking growled in anger, the grains scraping harshly against my cheeks.
We were almost to the window when Hitch was ripped away from me, and I came to a startled halt. The sand had formed long grasping arms that pressed Hitch against the floral wallpaper. His wrists were held tight, and as I watched, a sandy hand wrapped around his mouth and forced its way between his teeth. He gagged, and sand trickled out of the corners of his mouth.
The Erlking strolled towards him, not seeming to be in any sort of rush. “You know, I’m not very fond of your yapping.”
He made an idle gesture and the sand wrapped around my ankles, tethering me in place.
“I yap all the time,” Hitch said. “Three-time olympic yapper, that’s me. Best to just let me go now and save yourself some trouble.”
The Erlking tapped a manicured nail against Hitch’s mouth, hard enough to hurt, judging by the way he flinched away. “But why would I ever let you go when I’ve gone to this much trouble to catch you and your sister? It’s so hard, these days, to find people that no one will miss.”
Hitch struggled against the sand, trying to escape and failing. “What do you want with us, then? You just said it, we’re nobody.”
“I’m fae, dear one,” the Erlking said. “I get my power from my followers. And I think that you two will make lovely additions to my flock.”

He flicked Hitch's nose and Hitch gasped. Feathers started to form on his arms, popping out from under his skin in a spray of blood.
Hitch pushed off the wall, using his bound hands as a fulcrum, and his knees crashed into the Erlking’s stomach. The Erlking fell backwards, wheezing, and the sand around my ankles loosened.
Hitch made desperate eye contact with me as feathers shot up his neck and jerked his head towards the window. The message was obvious. Run.
The last thing I saw before crashing out the window and into freedom was Hitch’s body twisting, his arms wrenching into wings and feathers covering every inch of his skin. By the time I landed on the concrete outside, he was a small black bird, held tightly in the Erlking’s hands. The whole building was sinking into the ground, burnished-gold sand piling up over top and streaming from the windows.
Thirty years later, I saw Sam’s Supernatural Consultation and Neutralization written in neat, looping handwriting on a piece of paper taped to the door. The tape was peeling at the corners and the paper was yellowed with age, but there was obviously care put into the sign, in its perfectly centered text and looping floral designs drawn over the edges in gold marker.
I knocked, hesitantly, drawing my woolen coat closer around my shoulders. I’d bought it as a fiftieth birthday gift for myself, and I took comfort in the heavy weight of it over my shoulders.
“Coming!” someone called from within the depths of the office.
There were a couple crashes, and the sound of paper shuffling. Eventually, the door was opened by a young woman with ketchup stains on her shirt and pencils stuck through her hair.
“Hi, I’m Sam, I specialize in supernatural consultation and hunting, how may I help you today?” Sam said, customer-service pep in her voice. She stood in the doorway, solidly blocking entry into the office.
“My name is Ezra, I’m for a consultation. I emailed you but you didn’t respond?” I shifted in place, suddenly feeling awkward.
“Oh! Yeah, I lost the password for the email ages ago. Sorry for the bad welcome, I get lots of people thinking I’m crazy or pulling a prank and harassing me.”
She ushered me into the office, clearing papers off one of the chairs to make room for me to sit down. There was a collection of swords along one wall, all of them polished to perfection, several with deep knicks in the metal which indicated that they’d been used heavily.
“So what can I help you with?” Sam asked again, more sincere this time.
“Thirty years ago, my brother was turned into a bird,” I started. I’d told this story so many times that it barely felt ridiculous to say anymore. I was used to the disbelieving looks, the careful pity. But Sam just nodded along, face open and welcoming.
“I’ve almost given up on finding him, at this point,” I said. “But I saw your ad in the newspaper, and…here I am, I suppose.”
“Here you are,” Sam echoed, smiling. She pulled one of the pencils out of her hair and took a bit of paperwork off of one of her stacks, turning it over so that the blank side sat neatly in front of her. “Tell me everything.”
I told Sam everything, and she wrote it all down, pencil scratching along the paper.
The last part of the story was always the hardest to tell. “I left him there. I ran and I didn’t look back.”
I had been to dozens of detectives and investigators over the years, once the police had dropped Hitch’s case. I’d been to professional offices with smartly-dressed secretaries and met scraggly men in coffee shops. All of them had given me the same look, pity and annoyance all mixed up into a humor-the-crazy-lady soup. Sam, though, just seemed thoughtful.
Sam leaned forward and put a hand over mine, carefully, like she thought that I would pull away. “Sometimes you have to leave people behind.”
I tightened her hold on Sam’s hand and drew it towards me, like I could make Sam listen if only I squeezed tight enough. “But that’s why I’m here. I don’t want to leave him behind.”
“Okay then. I’ll do my best to help you.” Sam agreed, finally. Then she paused, and said softly, “You know…I think I met your brother once. He might have saved my life. He’s certainly why I started in this business.”
“Really? What happened?” I asked.
This is the story that Sam told me, related to the best of my abilities:
It was a new moon, so the only illumination came from the stars gazing idly down and distant porch lights shining across the scraggly brush of the dunes. Sam’s neighbors were decent people who cared about baby turtles, so the lights were a low, unobtrusive red, and the ocean sloshed like blood. Sam walked on the beach almost every night, drawing back the gauzy pink curtains and clambering out her bedroom window. She didn’t often bother to be quiet; her mama worked the late shift and came home exhausted. As long as Sam got home before the sun, her mama would never find out that she paced the shoreline and dreamed of inhaling sand until her lungs became their own beach.
The sky was lightening. The sun would come up soon, and that meant Sam’s time on the beach was over. She needed to get back to her real life, go to her fifth grade class and stop that nonsense, as her mother would say. Her mother loved to say things like that, pushing Sam into her proper place by implication alone.
“She’s a good kid, of course, but she’s a bit…” Her mother would trail off there, usually getting a commiserating expression from whoever she was talking to. Sam always wondered how that sentence would have finished. She’s a bit strange, maybe. She’s a bit intense. She’s a bit abrasive. She’s quiet enough but when Jason tried to steal her pencil in math class, she stabbed him in the hand so hard that the lead tattooed him.
Her mother was better, for the most part. The days of her stocking up the fridge, and leaving a post-it note on the counter, and leaving for days at a time were gone. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen tile where her mother had collapsed and caved her head in, even though the bloodstains had been replaced with new tile.
“Your auntie got an abortion, you know,” her mother had said from her place on the couch, slurring her words. “Pill in the mail and then bam, no more baby.”
She had clapped her hands together to illustrate her point. Her mother jerked forward and grabbed Sam by the wrist, then, staring up at her until Sam met her eyes.
“I love you, you know? But sometimes I wonder…” She settled back onto the couch. “Yeah. I wonder.”
She’d gotten up, then, back to the kitchen. She’d been stumbling, a shambling zombie of a woman. The ground in the entryway of the kitchen was raised, ever so slightly, and her mother went down hard. Her head cracked against the tile, chin first, and she didn’t move.
Sam had been the one to call the ambulance. She had stared at the scattering of loose teeth on the ground while she waited, and considered what her life would be like with a dead mom. Not so bad, she thought, and immediately felt guilty for it.
Her mom was better, now, for the most part. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen floor where she had collapsed. There was still a matchbox hidden under her bed with the gleaming shine of her mother’s lost teeth, two canines and a molar. It was nice, having a piece of her mom to keep. Even if she left again, Sam would still have part of her.
Sam sighed, and turned away from the ocean. As she faced towards the low dunes further up the beach, she saw a sandcastle sitting nestled among them. It was such a strange sight that her eyes skipped over it at first, almost automatically, disregarding it because it was so out of place.
Sam found sandcastles out on the beach sometimes, usually half-collapsed and on the verge of being washed away by the waves, but she had never seen anything like the sandcastle in front of her. It was life-sized, something that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the Scottish highlands, with spires shooting up above her head and carefully etched out bricks lining each side. The front wall was dominated by an arched set of double doors, twice her height, with a portcullis nestled at the top, ready to be dropped. All of it was lovingly detailed, down to the rust on the tips of the towers and the wood grain of the door. It was made out of wet, densely-packed sand, held together impossibly. It had not been there two hours ago, when she had come to the beach.
There was a bird sitting on the overhang of the door, small and black.
As soon as she took a step towards the sandcastle, the bird shook out its feathers and swooped down towards Sam, landing at her feet with a little stumble.
“Hey, kid, get out of here,” said the bird.
Sam closed her eyes, very deliberately. When she opened them, the bird was still there. Sam considered herself a very reasonable person, so she immediately drew the most logical conclusion. The bird was, she was almost certain, a demon.
“Trust me, you don’t want to run into Mr. Salty, the queen bitch himself,” the bird said.
“Mr. Salty?” Sam inquired, polite as she knew how to be. She edged to the side, trying to get a good angle to kick the bird like a soccer ball.
The bird did something similar to a wince, all its feathers fluffing up then settling back down. “Ah, don’t call him that. He’d turn you into a toad.”
The bird gestured with its head, towards the looming sand structure. “That’s his castle. He’s in there, probably scuttling along the ceiling or some shit because that’s the sort of weirdo he is.”
Sam nodded, encouraging. She pulled back her foot and lined up her shot, the way she’d seen athletes do on TV. She aimed right for its sharp beak and let loose. The bird saw it coming, its beady eyes widening, and it cawed in distress. It flapped away, avoiding her kick only to fall backward into the sand in a scramble of wings.
“What’s your fucking problem?” it squawked. “I was trying to help you!”
“I don’t need the help of a demon,” Sam yelled, trying to remember the exorcism that her mama had taught her once, because her mama believed in being prepared for anything.
“I’m not a demon,” the bird said indignantly.
It was at about that moment that Sam gave up and just decided to roll with it.
“What are you, then?” Sam asked.
The bird shuffled its clawed feet, looking about as awkward as it could, given that it didn’t really have recognizable facial expressions. “Technically I’m a familiar of the Erlking, prince of the fae, but I prefer to be called Hitch.”
“You can’t blame me for assuming, though,” Sam said. “Ravens do tend to be associated with murder.”
“Hey, excuse you,” Hitch said. “I’m a rook, not a raven. Ravens are way bigger.”
“Sure,” Sam said, not really paying attention. Her eyes had caught on the details of the sandcastle, and she was transfixed by the slow spirals of the sand, the strange beauty of it. She found herself stepping towards the great doors, lifting a hand to knock, and as she did, the sand warped in front of her eyes, heaving itself towards her with bulging slowness. The door creaked open before her, revealing a vast, empty room. Just before she stepped inside, she felt a piercing pain in her foot, and she yelped, leaping backwards.
Hitch pecked her again, really digging his beak in. “Don’t be an idiot.”
Sam glared at him, rubbing her foot. About to retort, she finally really took in the room inside the sandcastle, and her words died in her throat.
There was a body just past the threshold of the door, face down and limbs hanging limp at its sides. Long hair splayed out in a halo around its head.
“Don’t,” Hitch warned, suddenly serious. “Just leave, kid, I mean it. I’ve seen too many people go down this road and you don’t want to be one of them.”
Sam ignored him. She made her way across the beach, slipping with every step. The sand felt deeper, piling up around her feet in silent drifts. She picked up the nearest stick and poked the body with it through the door, ready to leap back if anything went wrong, staying firmly outside of the sandcastle.
This close, Sam could tell that it used to be a woman. Her head wasn’t attached to her body. It hadn’t been a clean amputation, either. Her upper body was bruised, with chunks taken out of it, and the bones in her neck hung mangled, not connected to anything.
“Well, I warned you,” Hitch said, defeated. “I did warn you.”
Sam nudged the head with the end of the stick, nudging it over so that she could see the face. Her mother stared back at her, torn to pieces, breath still wheezing from her lungs. She wasn’t blinking, just gazing forward with glazed eyes. Sweat dripped down from her hairline.
Sam screamed and dropped the stick, tripping over herself in her haste to get away.
Her mother’s eyes were wide and pleading, and she was mouthing desperate words at Sam. Her vocal cords were broken to bits, and the only sound that came out was a strained groan.
The head rolled, inching closer to Sam like a grotesque caterpillar.
Her mother gasped for air, torn lips fluttering. Finally, comprehensible words came out. “Help. Help me, daughter.”
“That’s not your mother,” Hitch said, quiet.
Sam knew that. Her mother was sleeping back at home, and anyways her mom had never asked for her help. She had an aversion to accepting charity, as she put it.
“Okay,” Sam said, shaking all over. “Okay.”
She backed away from the sandcastle, not looking away.
“Failure,” her mother hissed as she stepped away. “I never wanted a daughter like you.”
The sun came up over the horizon. The sandcastle, Hitch, and her mom all disintegrated into sand as the light hit them.
The beach, the next night, was almost exactly how I remembered it. The beams of our flashlights sent light bouncing across the dunes, illuminating the waves, and I imagined faces in the foam of the waves.
“I’ve been back here a hundred times. There’s nothing left,” I said.
Sam took the car key out of her purse and pointed it at the sand, adjusting the sword slung over her shoulder in order to do it. The key had belonged to Hitch; Sam had requested an item of his, and it was the only thing I had left. She rested the key on the sand and drew a circle around it, inscribing symbols around the borders.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Sam shrugged. “Not much, really. I’m…I guess you could say that I’m knocking.”
The key laid inert on the sand for long enough that I was just about to give up and go home, admit to myself that Hitch was dead and that I was a fool to believe that Sam could actually help me. Then a building started to take shape, flickering in and out like it was struggling to get away. With a pop of displaced air, the sandcastle settled into existence.
Sam banged on the entryway. Nothing happened. She did it again, harder, and scowled when the door still didn’t open.
“We demand entrance, under your honor,” Sam yelled. There was a hard rush of wind, and I gripped Sam’s arm to keep my balance, but the doors cracked open reluctantly.
The inside of the sandcastle consisted of one enormous hall, the roof arching up out of sight. Rafters crisscrossed from wall to wall, and a cobbled path led further into the building, but other than that, it was completely empty, except for the birds. There were thousands of them, perched on the rafters or hopping along the ground. They parted in front of Sam and I, and reformed behind us, leaving us in a small pocket of open space. They were all black-feathered, with sharp beaks and beady eyes.
The Erlking sat on a throne at the end of the hall, lounging across it with his feet up on the armrest. He watched them as they came forward, the soft caw of the birds the only sound.
“I am here to bargain for the life of my brother,” I said, with as much dignity as I could muster, before the Erlking could say anything.
The Erlking ignored her, tilting his head to look at Sam. “I remember you. I almost got you, once.”

Sam glared at him but didn’t respond.
“You want your brother,” The Erlking said to me, and he almost sounded amused. “Then go get him.”
As if by some sort of silent signal, every bird in the room took flight at once, and their cawing made me think of screams. I covered my head against the flapping of their wings, and my vision was quickly obscured by the chaotic movement of them. I found myself on my knees, just trying to escape them.
A hand met my shoulder. Sam urged me to my feet, and together we ran for the edge of the room, where the swarm was the thinnest. We pressed ourselves into the corner and the swarm spiraled tighter and tighter at the center of the room. It went on until there seemed to be no differentiation between the birds, all of them fused together into one creature.
When the chaos died down, the birds had become one mass, with wings and eyes and talons sticking out of its flesh, thrashing and chirping. Human body parts stuck out of it, bulging out from the feathers. It was hands, mostly, with a couple knees or staring eyes. The bird amalgamation had no recognizable facial features, but there was one long beak extending from the front of its head. Most of the body parts were concentrated around the beak, and they peeked out from where the beak connected with muscle, or grew from the tongue, nestled between the two crushing halves of the beak.
It turned its beak down and crawled forward, using the hands to balance. The fingers scrambled over the ground. I was afraid of centipedes as a child, and I felt that same crawling dread when it started moving.
“Holy shit,” Sam whispered, which was rather disappointing, because I had been hoping that at least one of us knew what to do.
The creature turned, a lurching movement that crushed some of the hands underneath it, and started heaving itself slowly towards our corner.
“Better hurry up!” the Erlking called from his throne.
It was blocking the exit, by then. The shifting body of it had moved to block us off. It ambled towards us and I tried to sink further into the corner.
As it approached, getting close enough that I could smell the stink of it, I saw a flash of a tattoo on one of the hands. I leaned in, trying to find it again, like looking for dolphins surfacing in the ocean. And again, I caught a glimpse of a duck tattoo, the tattoo that Hitch had gotten on his hand as a teenager.
I ripped away from Sam’s death grip and ran for the monster.
I fell to my knees in front of it, wincing as I impacted the ground, and reached into the nest of hands. I could feel them tearing at my forearms and ripping into me with their sharp nails, but I kept going. I pressed further in, up to my shoulder in a writhing mass of limbs, aiming for the spot where I had last seen that tattoo.
The hands were tugging at me, wrapping around my back and hair. They were pulling together, trying to draw me completely into the mass of them. I was aware of Sam at my side, anchoring me in place and bashing any hand that got too close with her sword or the sparks that leapt from her hands with muttered words. But I didn’t think it would be enough. They were too strong, and there were too many of them.
I was up to my waist in the hands when something grabbed my palm. I felt the way it clung to me, and the calluses on its palm, and I knew that I had found my brother.
I flung herself back. The hands didn’t want to let me go, and they fought the whole way, but slowly, I made progress. I kept hold of Hitch’s hand in mine the whole time, gripping it as hard as I could. I finally broke free, Hitch with me, and Sam was immediately charging the creature, able to use her sword with much greater strength without being worried about injuring Hitch. She swung it forward, and it sliced through the wrist of one of the hands. It fell without a sound, red sand flowing out of it. It deflated until it looked like dirty laundry, just a piece of limp flesh. The creature shrieked, scuttling away enough that the door was finally accessible. The three of us ran for it, Sam and I supporting Hitch between us.
I looked back as I left and found the Erlking staring right at me.
“Interesting,” he murmured, his voice carrying impossibly across the vast space between us.
The sandcastle collapsed behind us, the great walls falling in on themselves. We were out in the morning sun, the sandcastle disappearing as we watched. Hitch was on the ground in front of me, as young as he’d been thirty years ago, when he was captured. He started laughing, feathers puffing out of his mouth. He laughed until he cried and I hugged him in the way that he’d held me when I was young, in the times when my life had been defined by hunger and fear.
Hitch left, afterwards. He scratched at the pinhole scars covering his body, where feathers burst through his skin, and pulled his long sleeves down around his wrists. He didn’t know where he was going but he told me that he needed time
I had spent thirty years worth of time without him. I wanted to grab my brother by the shoulders and beg him to stay. But he flinched when I hugged him goodbye and he refused to go near sand and he stared distrustfully at the birds chirping in the trees. Hitch needed to go away and I loved him too much to stop him.
I sat out on the beach every morning. I felt the sun on my face and I waited for Hitch to come home.

I first started noticing that something was wrong around 3 months ago. At the time, I was working from home and would usually light a scented candle while I worked, which usually helped me relax and stay focused on my work. I would usually burn through a candle a week, but over time, the candles started to take less time to fully burn up. At first, I thought that this was because of a change in ingredients the company that made the candles used, but the problem persisted after I switched candle brands, which I once again blamed on the candle manufacturers.
I kept this belief for another week until the first incident. While getting up from my computer desk, which faces away from the candle, to take a quick bathroom break, I caught a glimpse of the lit candle. A two-inch layer of molten wax rested on another three-inch layer of solid wax, the wicks rising out at first and being somewhat visible through the molten layer, finally breaking the surface and being slowly burned away. The flames flickered as I swung the door open and walked out of the room. When I returned 10 minutes later, the molten layer was gone, and the wicks had been shortened so that the flames rested right above the solid layer of the wax. At first, I thought that the glass jar that contained the candle was leaking, but after a short inspection, I was only able to find two small drops of candle wax that had solidified right next to the candle on the bedside table. I still had 2 hours of work left to do, but I was too lost in thought and was unable to do any work for the rest of the day.
Every night before I go to sleep, I like to read for at least 30 minutes, and while reading, I usually light a candle. Around 4 days later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident and went back to using candles. Due to my naivety, it returned.
I fell asleep while reading with a candle lit on my bedside table. I woke up to loud slurping noises. As I opened my eyes, the brightness of the light I had not turned off almost blinded me. As my eyes tried to readjust to the light and focus on what was in front of me, I saw a somewhat humanoid dark gray to light blue blur that contrasted with the white paint on the walls behind it. Another gray line stretched from the shape's head to the candle on my bedside table. I could feel my heart skip five consecutive beats. I opened my mouth and tried to force out a scream for help, but the pressure I applied to my throat was way beyond what it was able to handle, leading me to only produce a light wheezing sound. I tried to sit up or to at least prop myself up, but my muscles failed me. Trying to push myself up with my arms felt impossible. As I stared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in my room, my eyes finally managed to focus, making it possible for me to see the intruder who was now staring at me. The figure was a man at least 7 feet tall, fully naked; he looked bloated; his eyes were bloodshot and looked like they would pop out of their sockets; at any point, his skin was a grayish light blue.
HIS LIPS
His lips extended from his mouth like an elephant's trunk, which had been split in half. The lips extended from the man's face to the candle; the flames had been put out. He was using his lips as a makeshift straw, slowly sucking up all the molten wax from the candle, which had fully liquified while I was asleep. I laid in bed, unable to move, unable to scream for help, staring until he emptied the jar. His lips retracted back to his face, the molten wax solidifying on their tips and cracking, flakes of wax falling off the man's lips and falling to the floor. The man grinned, staring at me. The ridges and gaps between the teeth were filled in with wax, making it impossible to make out where one tooth ended and the next one began. The man opened the door he was standing next to, but instead of walking out of the room, he stepped behind it. His face peered at me from above the door, and then once again, like he had done to drink the wax, the man puckered his lips, which stretched from his mouth and floated to me. I shook and tried to roll over away from him. I wanted to get up and run, but my fear had taken over my body. Tears flowed from my eyes. He kissed me on the cheek, leaving flakes of wax and light moisture. He retracted his lips and lowered his head behind the door.
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I saw the empty glass jar, which at one point contained the candle. Even though I had hoped that what had happened was a dream, it wasn't. I still had flakes of wax on my cheek, and on my bedroom floor, the wax in the jar had disappeared. I called the police, but they were unable to find anyone in my apartment; they also could not find any evidence of a break-in.
After the break-in, I started looking for a new apartment to move to, thinking that the man was tied to the building I was in, but even though I had thrown out all of my candles, I could not stomach spending another hour in my apartment, constantly looking over my shoulder or walking around with my back pressed up against the wall to not allow it to creep up on me. Thankfully, my friend Emma was able to let me stay over at her apartment while I looked for a new one for myself.
Me and Emma have been friends since we were 8, and we've been there to support each other when times get rough. This isn’t the first time I've had to stay over at her house for an extended amount of time; in fact, I have had to stay over at Emma’s as many times as she has had to stay over at my apartment, whether it was because of evictions after losing a job, breakups, or a candle wax drinking squatter. I didn't even know if it was human. I mean, sure, it looked like one, but human lips are not supposed to do what his did, and somehow it didn't have a reaction to molten wax being poured down its esophagus. I didn't tell Emma about what happened—the details at least—I just told her that a man had broken into my house and was watching me sleep. The only people I told the truth to were my therapist and the cops, and all of them disregarded what I told them as my mind making things up after a traumatic event.
For a while, I believed what they said—I mean, why wouldn’t I?—but then I started seeing him again. For a few days, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like it had done during the night of the incident. For split seconds out of the corner of my eye, I would see the outline of a tall, bloated figure. At first, they were hours apart, but after a while, it became constant. He was standing in each room I passed, in every single dark corner I glanced past, and then he spoke.
“FeeD MeEeee”
It stood in the kitchen, peering over from a small gap between the fridge and the sink, where the trash can that had been knocked over onto its side usually stood. His voice was raspy, and every word that came out of his mouth was distorted as if he were gargling water, but still, I could somehow clearly make out each word he said from over 15 feet away.
“Please just leave me alone I… why are you following me?”
I shouted at the figure, the same fear that had taken over my body during the night I saw him for the first time paralyzing me, making it impossible for me to move anything other than my eyes, eyelids, and mouth.
“i’M sTarviNg, I nEEd You To FeEd ME”
It replied again. Now, stepping out from behind the fridge, he stepped directly onto a rotten banana. Its mushy brown content’s seeping out of the peel under the pressure of his decomposing foot, which was covered in scabs, and took up the same grayish light blue color as the rest of his body. He mostly looked the same; his bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets, but now his tongue was swollen. It peeked out from between his bloated, cracked gray lips; it stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Ok, I’ll.. I’ll feed you, but please just... leave me alone.”
I replied, the tone of my voice shifting into high-pitched squeals with every quick breath I took. He looked satisfied by my response. He somehow squeezed his bloated body back into the gap that was at least four times smaller than him. After peering over at me from above the fridge, he bent over backwards, his spine releasing a series of sickening cracks until he was fully obscured by the fridge, and then he vanished.
Still barely in control of my body, I limped over to the couch tucked away in the back corner of the living room, it took me at least 10 minutes to steady my breathing and 20 more to fully regain control of my body again but as soon as I did I ran out the house and to the nearest store, during the 15-minute walk he stared at me through dark windows and the backs of cars, peered out at me from gaps between leaves in the trees and bushes, he even followed me into the store staring at me from the middle of deserted isles before disappearing right before my eyes were able to fully catch him, once I finally got the candles I randomly picked four off of the shelves and rushed to the self checkout.
When I arrived home, I had 2 hours before Emma got off work. I didn't want to feed it while she was home, and I didn't want her to see it. I pulled out two of the candles from the black plastic bag and placed them on the kitchen table, the first a light blue candle named “Garden Rain” and the second a red candle named “Juicy Watermelon." I pulled out a lighter from one of the drawers Emma used after her stove stopped lighting on its own and lit each of the 6 wicks on the candles. As soon as I started seeing the wax melt under the heat of the burning wicks, I dropped the lighter onto the table next to the candles and ran out of the room. I could not stomach seeing that thing again; even just thinking about it made me shudder and hyperventilate. The paralyzing fear that seeing him caused me made me want to vomit.
At least 30 minutes later I started to hear it drink even though the living room and kitchen were separated by a wall, even though I had closed the door I could still hear what at first started as slurping sounds which were followed up by loud gulps, then it stopped, and once again 30 minutes later it started drinking, as the slurping started once again I heard the door to the apartment crack open, it was Emma, as she stepped through the door I saw her carrying two large brown paper bags of groceries in her hands, she was headed to the kitchen.
“Hey let me grab those for you”
I said running over to her, my voice shaking.
“Oh, thanks. Are you… okay, you look scared?”
My eyes shot wide open in a mixture of fear and surprise. I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah just umm… I didn't expect you to come home so early and I got a bit spooked”
“shit sorry, I know I should have called you, work let me off early today,”
I started to turn away from her walking to the kitchen.
Trying to keep her away from the kitchen I told her to wait for me in the living room because I wanted to talk to her about something. I didn't know what I would talk to her about but that was a problem for future me to resolve, somehow it worked.
“What's that sound?”
She called out to me while walking towards the living room couch. It took me a few seconds to come up with an excuse.
“I think it’s the sink, or the pipes at least”
I opened the door to the kitchen with my eyes closed at first hesitant to look knowing what would be greeting me. slowly prying my eyes open I started to see its outline, my muscles started to lose strength as the details of the man came into my view, I felt the grocery bags start to slip from my arms, my knees buckled, face first I fell onto the kitchen floor scattering the groceries all over the floor, I mixture of a light scream and a yelp escaped from my mouth as my body made contact with the floor, Emma concerned for my safety ran into the kitchen, she didn't scream, using all of the strength and mobility I had left in my muscles I rolled over expecting to see her face drenched in terror, her body frozen still unable to move just like my body had done the first time that I saw him, but Emma looked concerned, the man was gone, she crouched down beside me.
“Oh my god are you ok? What happened?”
I looked around observing my surroundings.
“I um… I… I tripped on the little thing at the bottom of the doorframe”
I finally managed to blurt out another excuse, not being able to remember what the name of a door sill was. I started to sit up using a part of the energy that had returned to my body, pain pulsed through my chest and arms, Emma looked at me with a concerned face.
“You've been acting really weird since I got home, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yeah… I think I’m just having one of those days you know”
The confusion on Emma’s face said that she didn’t know and to be honest I didn't either, I guess my luck of pulling random excuses out of my ass ran out, Emma thought that she triggered some sort of PTSD response after barging into the house unannounced at first apologizing then trying to change the subject to stop my trembling which I was still unsuccessfully trying to hide from her.
“Did you buy candles?”
Emma asked picking the groceries apart from the garbage that spilled out the can that the man had knocked over, placing them on the table next to the now half-empty glass jars, the flames flickered above the inch or so of molten wax the man was unable to finish drinking.
“Yeah I’ve been struggling with work lately, they usually help me focus”
“Huh Interesting combination you’ve got going on here”
She looked at me and smiled slightly, I smiled back and chuckled to seem normal.
“Yeah even I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here, to be honest”
I tried to help Emma clean up the spilled groceries but she did not let me, she told me that I needed to recover like I had been in a car crash instead of having taken a little tumble. After a few seconds of silence, Emma spoke again.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
A quick jolt of stress shot through my body, in a jumbled mess of lies and fear I had forgotten what I had told Emma, I sat there in silence for a few seconds unable to come up with an excuse
“I…umm… I don’t remember, it wasn't anything serious though”
“Damn did you hit your head too?”
She said once again proudly smiling at her joke.
At this point Emma picked up the last bag of potato chips from the floor and placed it on the table, then she opened the fridge and started loading the groceries into it.
“Anyway I gotta go get back to work’’
I blurted out after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
“Alright well good luck”
I walked over into the living room and sat down in front of my workstation, which now consisted of a laptop sitting on a small foldable TV tray that had just barely enough room left on it to fit a small USB mouse.
The last thing I remember, before I fell asleep, was me mindlessly scrolling through apartment listings while Emma watched a random 90’s horror movie I’m positive only had a budget of $500.
I woke up with a light stinging pain shooting through my dry throat, and a dim hissing sound caused by thousands of water drops striking the ground outside filled the room. I pressed the spacebar on my laptop, the brightness of the screen blinding me temporarily, after taking a few seconds to let my eyes readjust I managed to make out the time, 3:45 AM. A strong smell I was unable to make out the origin of assaulted my nostrils. Lavender.
The smell hitting my nose had the same effect on me that I would expect smelling salts would have on a weightlifter right before they set a world record. Before I knew it my legs were moving on their own at an almost uncontrollable pace, fighting back against my mind which was telling them to slow down after years of being used to navigating both mine and Emma’s apartment as steadily as possible to not bother the neighbors.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I stood before Emma’s bedroom door, a faint, yellow, pulsating light radiated from a lamp and snuck out of a small gap between the door and the doorframe, reluctantly I pushed my left hand up against the door, my right hand grasping onto the door frame for a sense of stability, once the door was fully agape I scanned the inside of the room my heart skipping a beat for every humanoid shadow cast up onto the wall by the lights from the wicks which were set ablaze and were being slowly burnt away.
I walked into Emma’s room and made my way over to her bedside table to put out the candle, as I stepped closer towards her, her face became more defined, I could finally make out her features, she was awake, but no she could not have been, even though her eyes were wide open they never blinked, she didn't even move slightly, as I moved closer I finally managed to fully make out the expression of pure terror on her face, her mouth wide agape as if she was about to release a deafening screach, but she could not have, a single drop of solidified wax dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and clung to her cheek, my eyes traced the cream colored path back towards her mouth, first up her cheek then between the corner of her mouth and finally behind her teeth, there instead of her tongue or the roof of her mouth I saw a wall of wax which had filled in the entirety of her mouth.
I fell to my knees and hunched forward supporting my body weight with my arms, I was too late, I resisted the urge to vomit and got back up onto my feet, a mixture of tears and snot slid down my face and onto my lips, shaking now I slowly started limping over towards my phone which I had left on the couch next to where I had awoken just minutes before, just minutes before my life was destroyed because of my lies if I had just told Emma what I had gone through, if I had just told her what had happened on the night of the incident which now seemed trivial, even if she thought that I was crazy, I know that she would have complied just to make me feel comfortable.
It took me at least 30 seconds of repeated attempts to stabilize my hands enough to properly dial 911. “Someone broke into my apartment and hurt my friend” was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with that would not get the operator to hang up on me thinking that this was a prank call.
I sat there in the living room for an agonizing 10 minutes, crying, my sadness slowly transformed into anger towards myself, and my mind raced thinking of all the lies I’d told, I kept thinking that if I had just told her the truth she would not have been laying there in her bed, her body bloated, “every single orifice has signs of forced penetration and has been filled with what seems to be candle wax” is what was written on her autopsy report.
For a few days I was the main suspect in Emma’s murder, but due to the almost unstoppable crying and the unresponsive state that I was in when the police arrived, mixed with the lack of evidence of me having a way to produce 30 pounds of candle wax led to me being released out of police custody, but because I was the main suspect I was not told any details about what had fully happened to Emma, for days all I had to work off of was the image of her face frozen in terror, and a short glance I caught of her bloated body as she was being carted out on a stretcher.
I recounted every single word of our last conversations over and over again until they became permanently etched into my brain.
Emma’s parents originally wanted to cremate her, as that is what she had somewhat jokingly asked for whenever the topic of funerals came up, well she had joked about wanting to have had unpopped popcorn shoved down her throat before she was sent off to “scare the shit out of the guy cremating me” but due to all the wax which would have been impossible to get out of her body they were forced to bury her.
A few days before Emma’s funeral her body disappeared.
After Emma’s death, her parents took me into their home, after reading the autopsy reports and seeing her corpse they had thrown out every single candle they owned which made their home the safest choice I had, still, this did not stop me from buying a machete and keeping it under my bed, just in case.
I was laying on the bed in their guest bedroom The day that the police informed Emma’s parents about her disappearance, the bedroom is right above the front porch of the house, at first I heard them ring the doorbell which was followed up by 3 powerful knocks on the door, for about a minute I laid there on the bed listening to muffled voices exchanging distorted words I was barely able to make out which slowly transformed into distorted weeps, curious I lifted myself up from the bed, made my way over to the window and carefully lifted the bottom panel making Shure to not make too much noise, the distorted muffled sounds started forming into coherent words “We checked the security footage but the only strange thing we could see was a 5 second time jump” one of the officers spoke in a serious and almost monotone voice “which meant that the security guard who was the only person in the building had to climb down 2 flights of stairs walk through a 40 foot long hallway and then drag her body back up stairs and out of the building in 5 seconds” Emma’s mom let out yelp “ but don’t worry ma'am that’s actually good news because we know that her corpse is still somewhere within the building and was probably brought to the wrong floor by an intern, we’ve already warned all of the staff at the hospital to keep an eye out, and we also sent 5 officers to search the hospital”
I could not believe what I was hearing, my breathing quickened, but this time instead of fear I felt anger, that fucker stole her corpse and was probably in the weird separate plane of existence he always went back to after terrorizing me, cutting off chunks of her body, melting her, and drinking her.
I closed the window Emma’s mom's cries once again turned into a muffled rumble which was only possible to make out if you knew what to look for, I took a few steps back away from the window planning to lay back down, not wanting to bother Emma’s parents. I bumped into something, not something, someone, its fleshy towering form as solid as a wall sent me tumbling forward, I knew it was him, he had returned to take me too, to stretch his swollen cracked lips, push them down my esophagus, fill my lungs and stomach with wax. But despite all of that this time I was not scared, I was angry, and I was not going to stand there in terror like I had the last time I saw him.
I fell forward onto my knees my face missing the window sill just by mere inches, I put my hands onto the floor, lifted one of my knees, and rotated 180 degrees now facing the monster, to the right of him pushed up against the wall was the bed, light from the sun reflected off of the metallic button which kept my machete in it’s sheathe, the man started to stretch his lips, they were moving towards me, waving a wiggling through the air like a snake slithering towards me.
I dove towards the bed one of my feet pushing off of the floor and the other pushing against the wall which creaked under the pressure applied to it, I flew for a few moments before slamming down onto the carpet and sliding forward, the heat generated by my skin brushing against the carpet released a sharp stinging pain throughout my body, my outstretched arm landed just a few inches short of the machete, I quickly bent my arms, pushing my body up and crawled towards the machete. my fingers wrapped around the handle I spun around, my back pushed up against the bedside table, once again facing the man, he was still facing the window but his lips faced me and were just a few feet away from me, for what felt like minutes but was most likely no longer than a second, I struggled to hook my finger under the strap securing the machete into its sheath, as the lips inched towards me the man started producing gurgling noises, he was regurgitation wax.
I finally pulled the machete out of its sheath, I swung the blade at the man's lips, the blade was not met with any resistance as it sliced through the man’s lips which landed on the carpeted floor with an audible thud, the man did not have a physical reaction to my counter-attack, his lips kept creeping towards me, once again I slashed at the lips, still no reaction, I repeated this at least 3 more times.
I wanted to kill him, I wanted to take revenge for what he had done to Emma, but fighting back was pointless. I realized that no matter how much I tried to hurt it, I could not kill him, I could not get rid of him.
My rage dissipated and a mixture of fear and sadness crept in, and soon took over my body, I screamed for help, I screamed in fear, in agony, tears streamed down my face as the man's lips finally reached my face, he wasn’t met with any resistance as his lips snuck between mine, pried my jaw open and finally started to slide down my esophagus.
I heard the cops run up the stairs, they started banging on the door asking if I was okay only to have been met with muffled screams, hot wax started to pour down inside of me, the stinging pain of the heat made me want to plunge the machete which I had dropped onto the ground next to me into my stomach to create a gaping wound that the wax would hopefully funnel out of, the texture of the man's slippery, oily lips matched with the poison like flavor of the wax caused me to start gagging, I felt my insides bulging like at any moment my intestines would have been filled to the point where they would pop, I wanted to vomit, the drain myself of the filth I was filled with, but his lips had plugged my throat not allowing anything to get out.
Hearing my muffled screams the cops started kicking the door down, the man retracted his lips, the suction aided my attempts at cleansing my insides, I got onto my hands and knees streams of molten wax pouring out of me, solidifying on the the carpet, with another loud thud the door swung open slamming into the wall, the man was gone.
That’s the last thing I remember before I passed out, but according to one of the doctors who was in the ambulance that brought me to the hospital, I was still semi-responsive during the first 10 minutes of the ride to the hospital.
Approximately 13.4 pounds of wax were removed from my body, the doctors said that I was in a critical condition and some of them did not expect me to make it.
One of the officers who was there the day the man attacked me took a report of what had happened to me, due to the unmistakable evidence of what had happened to both me and Emma, and the fact that this was the 3rd instance of me reporting something like this the police finally started investigating who this man might have been.
Around a month later I was discharged from the hospital and once again have been staying in the living room of Emma’s parent's house.
I’ve been seeing the man again, candles were not allowed in the hospital I stayed at, which means that he’s probably very hungry, he’s close to attacking me again, I know it, he wants to finish what he started and I don't know if I have the power to fight back, I’m not sure if defeating him is even possible, I’m tired.
I’ve been seeing Emma too, her bloated, reanimated corpse often appears to be standing next to the man. If I let him take me will I get to join them? I’ve tried asking but they don’t answer, they just stare, I can’t keep living in constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, I miss Emma.

now senior so i thought id take a look back. most TFs or lab instructors missing bc i don't remember them and never attended most office hours.
Courtney Martin - FY101 freshman fall. utterly useless class (was an undeclared major so took it hoping to get some guidance, basically got nothing out of it.) very chill instructor though, no issues there, just waste of time.
Scott Possiel - WR120 freshman fall and WR152 freshman spring, grad student teacher. pretty chill and class was interesting (mediterranean religion [roman religions]), learned strong amount about writing. no complaints, hope he's on to great things.
Alexander Nikolaev - CL/208LX208 freshman fall. awesome class on zoom, funny and knowledgeable dude, learned so much about about indo-european linguistics, and sparked basically all my interest about linguistics. assignments were fun and refreshing. one of my favorite professors at BU despite only having had one class with him, unfortunately he disappeared (left?) after 2020 and I have no idea why, nor did any of my classmates. lucky to have had his last BU class in first semester of freshman year.
Christine Papadakis - CS112 freshman fall. her ratemyprofessor 1.9 score says enough, bad at explaining topics, strange class vibes, pretty unhelpful. seems like a nice person though. main reason i did not continue with compsci after 1 semester at BU, class wasn't too difficult (got B+ and could have done better if i tried harder) but it was so utterly boring it was the dread of every week and genuinely difficult to find any will to do work for it. lectures were insufferably boring, especially on replay when studying. avoid her at all costs.
Edward Loechler - first half of BI107 freshman fall, BI108 freshman spring? (i remember him and spilios teaching some class together or two part or something). chill old man vibes, class was solid and well taught. don't remember anything else except no issues. recommend.
Kathryn Spilios - second half of BI107 freshman fall. chill professor, class was solid and well taught. don't remember anything else except no issues. recommend.
Leah Kronenberg - CL102 freshman spring. awesome professor, very kind and good at teaching. recommend
thomas keyes - CH101 freshman spring. worst professor i had in all of BU hands down. so utterly useless and incompetent his syllabus was barely even divided into paragraphs, just a spam wall of text. lectures monotonous and uninteresting, bad at answering questions, mean to students, generally seemed like he was on the verge of suicide or homicide or both at any given moment. thankfully he retired so i do not have to say avoid him at all costs.
special shoutout to Alyssa Kranc - TF for CH101, grad student. actual angel sent from heaven to guide the class thru the horror that was CH101 with thomas keyes. great at explanations, patient, and brought good vibes. i actually really liked chemistry and it was only thru Alyssa's help and lab review meeting things that I learned anything in this class and got an A. Hope she is onto greater things and epic research.
jane x. luu - AS102 sophomore fall. chill professor, kinda made class easier as time went along when she realized nobody really gave a shit about the subject and was just there for hub or get chance to look thru telescope. actually discovered some really awesome things in her research (the kuiper belt). was visiting professor so dont think she'll be back.
brandon jones - CL101 sophomore fall. awesome professor, good lectures, chill guy. recommend.
john thornton - HI175 sophomore fall. boringest history lecturer ive ever had, quiet so had to sit in the front to even hear him (maybe cuz covid masks everything was quieter). chill guy, easy class, probably cooler to talk to at office hours than for survey history class. recommend.
cathal nolan - HI284 sophomore fall. Lowkey kinda pompous guy, but classes were always insightful and really felt like attending a speech notsomuch a lecture. history of war class was one of the few classes where i felt like i really gained wisdom and not just knowledge, but also fell short of my expectations at the same time if that makes sense. pretty easy if you like history / are good at writing. needs to learn how to use slides though lol, windows photo app on USB stick photos can only last so long. recommend.
Christopher McMullen - FY102 sophomore spring. genuinely do not remember a single thing about this class or professor. pretty sure we unironically did a meyers personality test thing, hilarious waste of time. or that was in FY101.
hannah culik - CL237 sophomore spring. very kind professor, learned a lot in the class. 0 official dealines so u can turn in everything late but i do not recommend leaving it all to the last minute. pretty political charged, but i think in an engaging way. she left BU but i would recommend if she were still here.
simon payaslian - HI176 sophomore spring. felt like high school class but i guess that's how history survey courses go. chill dude, kinda tough grader? dumb assignments. average lecturer. recommend.
bruce schulman - HI231 sophomore spring. very kind professor, i turned in my final research paper like a week late LMFAO and he still accepted it (with some completely justified points off for lateness of course). good lecturer. recommend.
Christopher Daly - HI231 sophomore spring. kind professor chill lecturer some course as schulman (double professors). retired, otherwise would recommend.
Alexis Peri - HI200 sophomore spring, HI272 junior fall - one of the best professors at BU hands down. kind but pushes you to truly learn. writing excelled under her and i felt i improved my overall skills as a student / scholar in every way. she grades easier as class goes on. genuinely proud to have achieved in A in both her courses, pushed myself to get there. maybe a bit too much class discussion for my tastes though, i don't really enjoy sharing out. recommend.
shoutout to Margot Rashba, TF for HI272. helpful explainer since I couldn't go to professor Peri's office hours due to time conflict. hope she is onto great things.
clifford Backman - HI101 junior fall. chill professor, class pretty boring but funny lecturer. completely ghosted my email sent in next semester discussing my idea for senior thesis lol, and wasn't at the office hours listed on website, idk what happened. apparently went on leave after some controversy regarding speech. so yeah lol. recommend.
Stephanie Nelson - CL161 junior fall. awesome professor, kind and fun class. recommend
Timothy Clark - CL162 junior spring, CL322 disorganized and seems like he didn't really care about the class tbh, but overall chill guy. really likes parthia and didn't really care about Rome at all. dumb assignments at times, but he did have no issue with me consistently missing a language class day to to schedule conflict without issue, which I appreciated. don't recommend.
eugenio menegon - HI363 senior fall. hard to explain but going to class just felt... uncomfortable every time? does lot of cold-calling. lecture was kinda boring, didn't learn very much, felt more like a high school survey class of china than a 300 level class on ancient China. covers way too long a time period in too little detail. dude seems pretty chill though don't recomment.
christopher ell - CL300 senior fall. very boring lecturer but he clearly does try to make it funny, which is appreciated. chill guy, some leniency on scheduling and assignments, very clear about all his instructions and overall taught well. very fair and no conflicts at all. enjoyed his class. recommend.
spiridon-iosif capotos - CL261 senior fall, grad student teacher. hilarious, deadpan dry humor. fun class, learned a lot of greek, hope he is onto great things. recommend
simon anderson - SY101 senior spring. chill guy, class not the most useful but was alright. not really that indepth, prob waste of time could've learned everything reading online guides. instructor was fine though, no issues.
hannah kloster - CL262 senior spring, grad student teacher. awesome and kind instructor, very fun class, learned a lot despite having no interest in Greek poetry. hope she is onto great things. recommend.
jilene chua - HI500 senior spring. very kind professor, chill class and great vibes, but too much discussion for my taste. new professor to BU, had her on her second or third semester teaching as professor ever (i think); class was kinda unorganized or ad hoc at times. will only get better as time goes on. recommend.
stephen scully - hi406 senior spring. no interest in the subject (iliad translations) when i joined class and minimal interest in the subject as I leave the class (and BU). chill professor, but grades harshly and requires a lot of writing. cold calls often. class was also quite unorganized for entire first half. in terms of material, honestly a lot of stuff in class felt quite arbitrary in understanding (as is probably the case with most literature classes, which i did not take outside of this). recommend if you really love classical literature / mythology / philology (or anything humanities), don't recommend for classical history (or anything social sciences).
Rui Hua - HI364 junior fall, HI370 junior spring, HI553 senior fall. the most energetic, fun, chill professor i've had at BU, every lecture was a blast and even if i went to class in a bad mood it was impossible to leave without a smile on my face. took us on field trips to relevant destinations when possible. I had the first 3 classes he's ever taught as a professor ever (I think), and it definitely showed bc they were somewhat unorganized or ad hoc. but i am sure his teaching will only get better as time progresses, learned a lot and had a great time in all his classes, he does cover some overlapping material in them so if u take them u might repeat some stuff. also super lenient on deadlines but i do not encourage delaying all of them to the last minute as I did like an idiot. easy classes overall, but if you like the subject he definitely is encouraging for those who want to learn more. recommend.
Loren J. Samons - CL321 junior fall, CL303 junior spring, CL202 senior spring. best professor i've ever had at BU, hilarious, funnest lectures of all time, learned so much, and brings so much old man sardonic energy to every class. CL303 fall of roman empire another class where I felt I genuinely attained wisdom and not just knowledge. assigned readings are some of the few I actually did. class might be difficult if not ur a good writer / not a social sciences person, but u'll definitely improve if you take the effort to do so, otherwise easy class got As in all of them. very straightforward. recommend.
feel free to ask individual questions about any of these professors / instructors in comments.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

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This is my in-depth notes while watching the full length dfv meme video compilation by roaring pika this morning.
https://x.com/roaringpika/status/1791834694704591155?s=46
It’s an hour long and way easier to understand all together like this.
These notes come from watching every ppshow this week and taking my favorite bits of tinfoil from the community into one fairly simple look into the story dfv is telling us without getting too deep on possible tinfoil, it’s just laid out plain and simple here.
Tldr; this is a very long post. I made notes about the last 30 minutes of the compilation and it feels very bullish.
Here goes:
(I’ll add my notes for the first 30 minutes soon.)
About 30 minutes in someone asks, “where you been”, he says “waiting”, what about getting caught? “All part of the plan.”
Then there’s usual suspects movie with the goofy meme “I’ll fuckin do it again”.
——
Jake texting Keith, hilarious (is this about our Jake2b and the story PP had about accidentally going to a gay bar around the first pulte event? So funny with the guy with 600 memes and basically joking that he became a full blown psycho with the memes.
Tell me where the freaks at - epic pump up music. (Psyched on us? Finding other freaks to vibe with.)
Guy looks out the window, then the Teddy in a chair (might have just been a response to Cramer being a smartass). Then Hank (Jim Carrey) starts to lose it as the stock price keeps going down, his alter ego comes out.
Truman show, he’s trying to escape, they say “he’ll turn back he’s too afraid”. They hit him with everything they’ve got but he knows it’s all fake. He says, “is that the best you can do??” (I think this is clearly about fake price movement, trying to keep us trapped in the illusion)
“Fury is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp and they even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack man, it keeps egging you on. To whoop some ass!” PP theme music drops. Holy shit.
(This one is obviously talking about us, I cried because I was so happy when I heard this one)
——
The Bullet one talking about time, cause and effect, “don’t try to understand it, just feel it”. “Instinct, got it.”
Morpheus teaching neo it’s all fake. Just before that scene he says, “you think that’s air you’re breathing?” … “Again!”
Alice says “But I don’t want to go among mad people.” The cat replies, “Most everyone’s mad here. You may have noticed I’m not all there myself.” Neo waking up again in the 4th movie.
Alice going down a rabbit hole into wonderland.. psychedelic music and dancing. (That’s us going down the rabbit hole thinking we’ve gone mad but loving every minute of it.)
Next scene guy running and falls over, music says “I lost myself.”
Shawshank, they find the tunnel he made. In 2021 Kitty escaped prison. All they found of him was some Reddit posts, tweets, and an old live stream. Investing is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes really, pressure and time. That and a keen goddamn activist.
A man will do anything to keep his mind busy in prison. Turns out kittys favorite activity was handing out memes, a handful at a time (the dirt for the tunnel and the tinfoil that’s helped us dig our way to freedom). Kitty did as he was told, buffed that financial education to a high mirror shine. (I think he’s been getting ready for something big and these memes are just a countdown.)
Bruce Willis. “No, THIS is the Kansas City shuffle.” (An advanced form of confidence trick where the mark is aware of being involved in a swindle and believes that he or she can outsmart the swindler; however, this is all part of the trick, and by attempting to retaliate, the mark unwittingly assists the con artist.) Hedge funds are the mark and dfv/rc are playing a con, the bear trap?
——
Pay attention to what I say, I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. The cat looks at the camera.
Michael from the office - It’s Britney bitch. And I am back. Cut to Britney Spears - I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign (like how we’re always asking for a sign?? (with the alien g from signs all red like a gme logo giving birth). Hit me BABY one more time!
Goosebumps all the papers fly out of the briefcase right when we get like 200 new dockets clawing back money from 90 days before bbby bk. Bear beware… you’re in for a scare…
Then it’s Abbi from Broad city dancing all over the place and she’s obsessed with bed bath and beyond in the show. There’s also the scene where the other girl is dancing behind a colored blanket with the same logo as HBC and then the next scene she’s tied up. Then they’re dancing again.. and naked then then only in shorts. Naked shorts?
We’ll never survive unless we’re a little crazy. The modern investor unleashes the animal within to take on the big city - that’s gotta be us apes?
What kind of person are you? The kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences? The kid holds up a baby monitor. They find a crop circle and it’s two GameStop logos turned in different directions (maybe rc turned GameStop around) and then another one with a long line and a baby gme logo (is gme about to have a baby?!)
Why make something disposable like an investment thesis when you can make something that lasts forever, like a GameStop meme? (It says “Reality” at the bottom of this clip, lol)
Jack Nicholson in the shining (music playing it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind it’s also a place in ready player one where they have to take the leap not taken, the leap of faith, a kiss). “Make a lot of memes today?” Lol
Can’t stop what’s coming. Kicks some ass.
——
I got both hands off the wheel, the cops are coming. I listen to the music with no fear, you can hear it too if you’re sincere. Cuz I’m a punk rocker yes I am. (song: punkrocker by the teddybears)
Rock ain’t about doing things prefect! Who can tell me what it’s really about? Sticking it to the man! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
Two cars racing, one plays chicken with a truck and then cut to bojack horseman talking on stage right before they almost crash (stalking horse? Looks just like he horse from 1, 2 switch that GameStop tweeted the minute the stalking horse deadline was up.)
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story (us going through the dd and maybe holly etlin talking about there’s a story here but it’s not mine to tell)
Listen to this song, it’ll change your life.
(Song is don’t fear the reaper - so don’t be afraid of death, funny because of the cowbell, maybe cowbell is involved in the tinfoil but at the end of the song lyrics not shown in the clip they say: don't be afraid, Come on, baby (and she had no fear) And she ran to him (then they started to fly) They looked backward and said goodbye)
Big Lebowski dude is investigating and finds the drawing of Jackie tree horn and it’s just a guy with a raging erection with the name cohen at the top of the paper. (I think this means rc is ready to fuck)
Jason borne is telling the run Lola run chick he can’t run with her, he has to be careful because people are after him. He says I gotta figure it out. She says well then figure it out. They drive into a parking garage through the wrong way (where it should say exit it says exit strategy and he enters through the exit, parks and walks away, as in “what’s an exit strategy”)
Then it looks like maybe him and rc just waiting and dealing with some bs.
Then there’s the Backstage roaring cat perhaps. The girl says ima stick beside him.
Not sure about everyone shooting each other but someone said maybe because he wrote it and manifested it?
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Then the dress one “this is art, get it?” Was apparently two minutes after hey Ross and some others were talking about that dress on a space call.
I’m a United States gamestop memer. Aren’t those the guys that go crazy and come back with an arsenal of memes and blast everybody? Sometimes. Price action keeps coming and coming… and then it’s GameStop earnings week! (6/5 aftermarket)
Always sunny scene maybe like a peek into how crazy he’s been feeling not being able to talk to anyone for three years?
He can’t speak or he’ll get in trouble.
Alladin scene (alladin name of trading algo. He also says next time I’ll use a nom de plume - pen name) all I gotta do is jump! (The theme of taking a leap of faith again)
Dreyfus billionaire family (no idea but she’s dancing having a great time)
You can’t handle the truth (code red has to do with a worm/virus, maybe they’re about to unleash something that destroys several companies that are short? And it’s pretty funny)
Beavis and butthead sex for dummies (to me it says rc and dfv are ready to fuck but also cex means centralized exchanges which are also for dummies)
Oceans 11, (theme is a heist. We’re all looking at each other like what’s about to happen and then the last guy is just looking at boobs, seems to describe a group like us lol)
Bernard from westworld can’t see the bear thesis (because in the movie he’s programmed not to but irl it’s because there isn’t a thesis!)
“That’s not a thesis,” pulls out huge knife, “that’s a thesis.”
The gme galaxy on the cat collar says deepfuckingvalue so I think he’s saying it’s still deep value and we often made memes about the black hole of gme absorbing the rest of the market into it so maybe that’s it.
Whats in the box? What’s in the box??? (What’s the plan??? RC not telegraphing his plans)
Guy looks at all the memes - she asks “is it not good?” “It is miraculous.” (That’s us loving every second of this. Thank you dfv.)
And so.. you just RAN. Forest gump runnin’ (gme gonna just keep runnin’)
you go backwards but then you go forwards again… you go backwards… then he walks out of the woods.. (are we out of the woods now? Done going backwards?)
We’ll see. The Zen philosophy story - kid breaks leg, oh that’s bad, can’t go to war, oh now it’s good etc - (I think he’s saying to be zen, we’re gonna win, but this message goes deeper:
We don’t always know what is good or bad. Breaking your leg isn’t good or bad, those are just judgements in our mind. We don’t know what the future holds. Almost anything can be a good thing or a bad thing, all we can do is accept life and how things play out without judgement.)
We’ll see.
Then the boy is saying bye to ET, the music says I’ve really enjoyed my stay, but I must be movin on. (DFV going silent again until this all plays out.)
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He’s saying “we fuckin won fellas! Be zen, and we’ll see this all play out soon enough.”
I think the heavy use of good movies and music and video games may also be hinting at gamestops nft marketplace May reopen to sell those 3 things as NFTs by partnering with blockbuster and some musicians.
LFG 🚀 I’ll see you regards on the moon.