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Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans, as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
[ First / Previous ]

I am, I would say, a pretty anxious person, so I often overanalize behaviours of people around me and believe they are madly angry at me. Exibit A, disproven: My sister's boyfriend. My sister's boyfriend, SB for short, Is actually a very great guy she has been with for nearly 6 years, with my sister he was one of the first to use correct name and pronouns. We were able to relate on intetests and the fact that we are both picky eaters, him more than me tho. We went to several larps together along with my sister and dnd campaign aswell, lately he has been inviting me to dinner with them when going places I like and also said that once they can move in their house they could let me stay a few days when I want. There are a lot of things pointing towards SB liking me and us being actually good buddies, but I don't know, I can never interpret his tone, sometimes I fear I'm an annoying third weel and am afraid he hates me cause my sister had to waste part of her eatly twenties to raise me. This was disproven as my sister told me he actually likes having me around.
Exibit B, still stressing me out I have this friend, let's call him... Crow? Crow Is a great guy, very nice, he hosts most of our DnD campaigns at his house and I love going there cause I get to drink beer at 10 AM while roleplaying as a redneck kid who Is in love with his car and the niece of a mafia lord. Crow and I actually play two campaigns together, one in the morning, where he Is a player, and one in the evening, where he Is the DM. He has a tendency to make all asshole characters tho, which sometimes Is frustrating but he's never invasive or stuff, like, he doesn't cross boundaries ever. So l already half am afraid he doesn't like me cause I get all tense up and like a log when hugging, so he doesn't hug me, and I am afraid physical contact Is like important and I am messing things up? Last session his character ended up pointing a gun at mine, but didn't shoot at him and in fact gave him the gun back after basically letting his GF know he had brought them at her house to keep them safe and sound from the big bad mafia, they didn't trust him cause he refused to say where he was bringing them to keep his GF privacy. My character was frustrated, being denied his much needed adult approval after having helped the group numerous time, having been super loyal even not knowing them and well, after they set fire to his truck, which was the first thing he got after his parents died and his house and most important thing in his life. So I did what my character would have done and I shot him, not fatally, but I did. I waited with him but when the rest of the crew opened fire on my character I got in the car and speed off, only to be found by my gf and brought to the big bad mafia guy to be punished and stuff. We all kinda insult eachother on a regolar basis so I really couldn't understand if when he complained about this putting them in great danger he was serious or not, but he then said It was a good play. I jokingly complained that they didn't trust me, even tho I had basically allowed them to achieve their goal, but another character which is of similar age and only difference is being a girl they trusted even after keeping like every single secret and refused to say any even when it put the party in danger. I thing it's a bit hypocritical but I can't understand if it's of the characters, and it's wanted, or of the player. Anyways, I can't understand if crow Is mad at me for shooting at his character or if he was just down cause the session of the evening was cancelled that day, he didn't act any different and we spoke pretty normal I brought him a beer cause I thought if would cheer him up but It overflowd and made a mess and he said It was ok but I felt so guilty. I really want us to get along well cause I like him quite a lot and I look forward to every session we do together and we're supposed to go to a larp together in june.

I (30f) got married last year and my younger sister (25f) has been continuously telling everyone that is willing to listen that I'm a Bridezilla. I stand firm in my decisions and if I had to do it over I'd do it again. I was engaged for 10 years before getting married because we felt that we were too young to get married we were just getting to know ourselves much less each other but we were committed each other so we were happy with just being engaged. A little background on my sister Kate, we don't share the same father she isn't the youngest for my mother (I have another sister that follows her) but she acts like it. Ever since we were young she wanted everything I had to the point that whatever my father was taking to to give my mother for me he would just buy two so she wouldn't fight for mine (didnt work) mind you whatever her father brought for her was for her and her alone. I never gave into her tantrums even when I was a child I shared when I wanted to and ignored her when I didn't want to. I left home when I was 17 and went to live with my father bcuz her behavior never changed and I didn't want to live like that anymore. To some my life would be considered boring because I am introverted so my day to day life consists of me just going to and from work, other than the odd birthday vacation each year,I rarely go out. I do however buy nice things for myself bcuz I work hard for it and I deserve it. She complained to my mother once that I was showing off because I'm always buying my daughter (8) expensive things which I don't. As a way to teach my child the value of money she does her chores and earns her allowance which she has to save and at the end of the term she chooses what she wants to buy and if her savings isn't enough I will put the difference however because of the complaint that she made to my mother my daughter no longer wants to hang out with her cousins and I will not force her. Now to the story. Two years ago my fiance Rich and I decided to start planning our wedding but we were having issues because I'd rather elope and move on but he's so extroverted we were clashing on every decision from total guest to the wedding colours. After weeks deliberating and petty pranks (on both sides) we finally came to an agreement on the wedding colours so we decided to inform the family. My mother has a family dinner on my birthday and that's where I decided to make the announcement. My sister and her fiance were present and she jumped at the chance to beg for a double wedding and I immediately shot that down with an abrupt "No" and continued to eat my dinner. She started whining and complaining but my answer was no and I told her I had no reason to explain myself to her. When she realized that she wasn't getting anywhere with me she turns to my mother and starts complaining to which my mother told that it's my money and my wedding and I'm free to do whatever I wanted and her tantrum only got worse. In an effort to not ruin my birthday dinner my fiance explained to her that she and I had different personalities and liked different things and our friend circles were too different to even consider mixing them together but he was fighting a losing battle bcuz he wasn't equipped to handle that level of crazy. I turned to her and ask who would pay for her half of the wedding and who would buy her dresses as she is unemployed and her fiance at the time was just a trainee, she turned to me and asked me why would she have to pay for half of the wedding and at that statement I went back to eating. My fiance finally understood why my mother and I didn't even bother to explain anything further to her, he looked at her fiance and told him "I'm only getting married once so I going to do it right" and ended the conversation, she flipped out and left and her fiance had to gather her kids and ran behind her. I moved on with my wedding plans and everything was going along smoothly because money wasn't really an issue. I have a lot of family from both parents and both step parents so in order to pick bridesmaids I literally made a little lottery and picked their names out bag and I made a whole deal out of it by taking a video and sending it the various WhatsApp groups. I picked one sister (my big sister Kim) one cousin, one friend and one step sibling and we all lived happily ever after until the first rehearsal for my wedding. After the rehearsal we went to Pizza Hut and I posted a pic on my WhatsApp status of us all eating and goofing about and she messages me and ask how I'm hanging out with family and leaving her out to which I said were just hanging out after the wedding rehearsal so it's just the wedding party, she demanded to know why she wasn't chosen so I just sent her the video of my "lottery" bcuz it was so much easier than explaining it to her, she said nothing and i thought that was the end of it, I shouldve known better. When Kim went home she told my mother everything that happened at the rehearsal and how I was considering making it a child free wedding because of the chaos that happened at the rehearsal with all the kids of the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, I was traumatized lol. Kate asked her if my daughter would be there to which Kim replied and said yes she's the flower girl and the conversation ended there. That day Kate sent me a 14 minute voicenote which I ignored bcuz I've said it repeatedly if you cant say it in a minute just call me I'm not listening to that and I refuse to compromise on my boundaries especially with her. Because i didn't listen to the voicenote I didn't hear all the disgusting things she called me and my child that and Rich so I went about happily until the day the invites were sent out. My wedding colours were silver, rose gold and black however the only dress code stipulation I had was NO WHITE bcuz I wanted the only one to be in white. I had a busy day at work so I didn't look at my phone much but with the few glance I took I saw that the family group was buzzing so I made sure to check it as soon as work ended and I was shocked af. My sister was telling our entire extended family that not only did I not invite her to my wedding I was lashing out at having her son as my ring bearer and that the comment I had made about the white dress was directly aimed at her because I was telling people that she was trying to ruin my wedding and the evidence that she was using was that she wasn't made a bridesmaid, Thankfully I had persons defending me. I went into her inbox to ask her to cuss her out tbh and saw the 14 min vn and decided to listen and I was dead ass fuming after the first 30 seconds so I just forwarded the vn to the family chat and I sent a screenshot of the conversation that she and I had before the vn and I let them have all the evidence. I then publicly uninvited her to the wedding and I made sure to note that it was only her that was uninvited not her sons or her fiance their invites were still valid and they were more than welcomed there. I took a screenshot of that post and every time she posted on her status or her Facebook about how evil I was I would repost it and I did that right up until the day of my wedding. I am now happily married and have moved on with my life but since the wedding she's been using the excuse of me refusing to allow her to have a double wedding with me as her reasoning for her behavior and that I was Bridezilla bcuz of that. I don't feel like I should be obligated to do anything for anyone in the name of "family"especially if said family member is an overgrown toddler. I changed the names but this is my real so she might see it but I'm fine with it as I stand by every decision I made

I (26F) live with my bf (30M) in an apartment in a very expensive city. My friend (26F) and her BF (26M) are doing a Work and Holiday trip in the same city. They recently lost both of their jobs and have no place to stay, so I offered my second bedroom for a week, until they have to leave to do their farm work (something they already had decided, to extend their W&H visa. As soon as they moved in they started to not care for our home. They were cooking for themselves and not doing the dishes afterwards. Leaving the countertop and kitchen floor dirty and wet. Walking around with dirty shoes (eventho we are a shoes off household, and we provide slippers) coming back home at 3 am and making a mess. and some more other things.
Not to mention that they are leaving everything they own all over our apartment.
Context: we have a chill life during the week. My BF wakes up at 5 am for work so we try to go to bed at 10 or early if possible. On top of that, we are trying for a baby, and we want to keep our home quiet and enjoyable.
They were supposed to leave on Sunday. So we made plans on Monday (like a little date). On Saturday I overheard her talking on the phone to her mum saying that they were going to leave on Monday. Which (my mistake) I brushed off. On Sunday I messaged her asking if they wanted to do a little farewell dinner at home to which she responds with "Sure, but we are leaving on Tuesday". I didn't say anything (My bad, I need to work on my boundaries) but now my BF is angry cause they are overstaying without even asking.
On top of that, they always "joke" about how we never go out (when we do, just not like teenagers) calling us grandma and grandpa, and other things like that, which REALLY annoy my BF.
Any advice on this? I don't want to kick them out, specially cause I didn't say anything about staying till Tues. But Should I say something? Just wait till Tues and leave it at that? Ofc, Will say something if they intend to stay longer.

Hi all,
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. Since then, we have remained in contact on a semi-regular basis (texting every week, a few phone calls, and popping over to each other’s houses to grab some belongings-One of these occasions I invited to stay for dinner, with no sex taking place). I tried to rekindle the relationship over text back in March but they turned it down.
Afterwards, about 3 weeks later, they wanted to come over for a birthday dinner and so they did. They ended up getting somewhat drunk and spent the night as I didn’t feel comfortable letting them drive. The entire time they were over, they kept alluding to being intimate, which ultimately led to us having a conversation where I told them I didn’t think it was a good idea, but that I would be willing to think about it. We agreed to meet up a month afterwards to discuss it and see where we were.
Well, the day comes and we meet at the park to talk things over. I told them I was not interested and that I would attempt to focus on a friendship and nothing more, to which they agreed. I told them that I am having a hard time wanting to be friends but that I’d be willing to try for their sake.
Since then, I’ve noticed they have been more distant but have not said anything. In the 2 months since then, we have talked on and off, including me reaching out once for advice, and one of these occasions was a phone call from them where they wanted to meet up and hang out. I said sure and we agreed that we’d hang out on a select day in upcoming weekends.
Well the day we’re supposed to meet up approaches and I ask them if we’re still on for that day, and they say no because they had other plans that day. We agree to reschedule for this weekend, but yet again when this weekend approaches I hear nothing from them. I finally get a message from them saying that they’re not able to hang out due to stress and probably won’t hang out with anyone until June.
Part of me wants to cut things off here because I feel like I’m being strung out. The other part of me feels like they sound like they are struggling and give them some grace. I know not everything is about me or even the “friendship” and I also recognize that I have already been wary of being friends, so maybe I am overthinking. Am I wrong for just wanting to ghost them? I don’t want to get hurt by games and dishonesty and feel there’s other things under the surface.
TLDR; I want to ghost my ex due to feeling like our attempt at a friendship is starting to change in a negative way. Am I wrong?

As the vacation ends, Summer reveals unexpected news; Amir confronts Bria about the rumors; Alex hosts his Feel the Space event at the Edgartown Lighthouse; the house comes together for a final farewell dinner on the beach.

I have a younger brother (18m) who we recently took out to dinner for his high school graduation. It was me, my husband, my parents, my brothers friend and his girlfriend, and my brother and his girlfriend. While ordering drinks my brother jokingly asked for a beer (no one else at the table asked for any alcoholic beverages), then immediately said “I’m just joking, I’m 18- can I get a root beer”.
We are thinking that the waitress just didn’t hear him and was just rushing to get to the next table, because when she brought our drinks, she brought out real beer. We all immediately told her that he had ordered root beer, and that he is only 18. She got flustered and said she would be right back, but about 10-15 minutes go by, and the cops come up to our table. They said that they had been called for a fake ID and underage drinking. We explain what actually happened, and they go back to the waitress and manager who called. They come back to our table and ask us all to come outside, which we did with no complaints. They check all our IDs, then breathalyzed all the underage members of our group, and tell us that the manager claimed my brother presented a false ID to the waitress and they wanted to see that ID. We obviously had no clue what they were talking about and explained again that no IDs were given.
The manager eventually came over after the cops talked to him again, and when he heard our side of the story he said that wasn’t what the waitress told him- and regardless he wanted us to leave. We asked that he or the police review any videos of the dining room if they had any, to see that we didn’t give any IDs, but he just repeated for us to leave. We left and went somewhere else and thought that was the end of it, but today parents received a letter in the mail that my brother is banned for life from all Chiles or afflicted restaurants. We are worried they will try to get him in trouble for something he didn’t even do. Should we get a lawyer? Is there anything we can do to protect him or is there anything the restaurant can press charges for? We honestly weren’t planning on going back so being banned isn’t the worst thing in the world. We are worried they will try to take him to court for their claim of “presenting a fake ID”. I know we can report them for not checking IDs, but I’m not sure who to make that report too.
Also, if the waitress who lied to just to cover her ass happens to stumble on this post, sincerely fuck you.

I have this friend who i’ve known for quite a while. We go through phases where we don’t talk much, but my passive nature always welcomes friends back.
This friend will be having a birthday dinner at her house, a private omakase chef. She has asked us all to pay for our own dinner (175$ pp) which is pretty normal for omakase, and i enjoy omakase so I don’t mind paying. However, i am now choosing to not attend this party because of her lack of manners. In the trxt she sent inviting she states that she is only inviting close friends and family, but “some people are not eating bc they dont have the finances” - i found the comment rude and tacky, i already find hosting something at your house and making your guest pay for it is tacky but the finances comment shook me.
This isnt the first incident where i just feel like this friend is bad mannered. Her and her husband are very wealthy or appear to be. (They live in a 5 million dollar home, gated community, she drives a g wagon he drives a rolls royce, always has about 400k of jewelry on including her engagement ring, labels on labels, she loves flaunting their success - nothing rong with that) but she constantly does things that are selfish and lack self awareness it seems and now im reconsidering going to the party at all, because im not sure i want to continue the friendship. I dont feel entitled to he paying for me ever before anyone thinks that. (I have my own successful ful business and live fabulously im just much more lowkey and im aware some people cant even afford to eat right now)
To me its her lack of self awareness and weirdness. We had another incident a while ago where she made us go to a popular club her husband co owned (a group of about 9 girls - and made us order top shelf bottles. Her husband wasnt there but his friends were and drank most of the bottles) the next day she venmo requests us ($300 each girl to pay) normally my friends that own restaurants or bars they will comp things at times especially ially if THEY invite to host us and its not us just going randomly. This friend is mostly wealthy bc her husband, her other single gf’s dont have near as much financial stability. Theyre not spending 8,000$+ on handbags, and every birthday or event for her she literally makes people buy gifts or pay for expensive cakes and if they dont she talks badly about t their finances. In the past i’ve stepped in and i’ve done more of what she asks bc i can afford to and i valued our friendship but i think i’m reaching an ick point with this. For my birthday she got me samples, and for hers i bought her a pretty big gift. Its just the entitlement for me especially wanting people who have less than you to do so much.
To me at this point is just tacky and in such poor taste that i’m not sure i want to be friends with someone like that, But maybe i’m missing something and being an asshole. Am i the asshole?

Y'know what I'm saying? Just say "fuck you" to the city and leave it all behind? Just go far, far away into the woods and live happily-ever-after?
I'd love to grow my own fruits and vegetables, learn to can, raise my own livestock, have a garden roof over my head with my herbs growing in the kitchen, spend my nights drinking crafted beverages and gazing at the stars by the fire. Having my own water wheel, having deer and birds for neighbors, waking up to the sounds of the creek washing over rocks, and cooking my dinner over a wooden fire.
I could invite my family over for a nice, clean, homemade meal while my brothers and their children explore my property, gazing at the ecosystem and watching life flourish. I could have my own eggs, I could have my own cheese, I could have my own bread, I could have my own butter, and the best part? I'd know what the hell is in my food!
Oh, and I can grow my own tea! Green tea, oolong, lavender, so many. I could have some chickens, some pigs, some cows, maybe some sheep. I could grow carrots, corn, peas, broccoli, and so on. I could grow peaches, apples, blueberries, strawberries, the works! I could learn to can and provide canned goods to the homeless! I could give freshly made, piping hot garden soup from farm to table, I could feed the misfortunate homecooked meals with freshly baked rolls! I could do so much!
Oh... to have a life like that. I could finally achieve happiness. Maybe my way out is the woods.

I got an invitation in the mail in a pretty purple envelope covered with flowers and shiny plastic gems. It was for a girls-only sleepover, something I'd never done before. At first, I was really excited, but then I saw that it was from Jane and Mary Bardell.
The twin girls were in my 7th-grade class. They were really quiet and rarely talked. Even though they didn't say much, you could still feel they were there. I remember sitting in front of them one day and feeling their quiet energy behind me.
The back of my neck started to tingle and feel hot. When I looked back, I saw Jane staring at me. Her deep-set dark eyes looked hungry, like she hadn't eaten in days and I was the meat dangling in front of her face. Mary also looked at me, and when she smiled, it almost seemed like she had fangs.
When they did talk, always in perfect unison, they sounded flat and without any emotion. But their serious looks and voices made me feel uncomfortable, and the room felt heavy. Luckily, they usually sat in silence at the back of the class.
One day, they just didn't come to school anymore and stayed home. Maybe their parents decided to school them at home. They lived across the street from me in a neat two-story brownstone house. Their lawn was well-maintained and protected by a sturdy five-foot iron fence.
The curtains in their house were kept closed tight. No light ever came out, even at night. But sometimes, on the second floor, a curtain would move, and I'd see the twins' pale faces looking out. We'd lock eyes for a moment before the curtain closed again.
After they stopped coming to school, some kids from our class started to go missing. First, it was Eddie, who vanished on his way home. Then Katy disappeared the same way. Both of them had walked past Jane and Mary's house before they went missing.
For some reason, I just had a feeling deep down that the twins had something to do with the disappearances. I even wondered if they were really human. Maybe they were vampires. Oh, yes, they were definitely vampires! It all made sense.
"You're going," my mom insisted at dinner when I told her I didn't want to go to the sleepover. I didn't see the point since I could sleep in my own bed. Why stay at someone else's house when I lived just across the street?
I groaned. "I don't want to go. They're so fucking weird.”
"Watch your language!" Both my parents warned me, giving me a serious look.
“It’s been difficult for that family,” Dad said, “The girls had to be pulled out of school because of an illness.”
“What kind of illness?”
“Their parents didn’t say what it was, but they said the girls would like to have friends.”
“Oh, those poor girls,” Mom sighed. “They just want to have a nice and normal sleepover party.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to go.”
“You’re going.”
And that was that.
I wasn't hungry anymore and left my dinner unfinished. I headed straight to my room and glanced out the window. I saw their pale faces peeking through the curtain in their second-floor bedroom. I closed the blinds and turned off the light. There was no way I was going to their house without something to keep me safe.
XXXXXX
“Your house is really nice,” I remarked, placing my sleeping bag and pillow on the floor. I kept my backpack close, making sure the crucifix I borrowed from my parents was safely tucked inside one of its pockets. I really hope my mom doesn't realize it's missing.
I was the only one who had arrived at the Bardell’s house so far. Mrs. Bardell opened the door and greeted me with a big, never-ending smile that looked like it was permanently glued to her face. Her teeth showed through the wide grin, and her lips were covered in a thick layer of red lipstick.
“That's really nice of you," she responded with a smile. “I can see why you get along with my girls.”
Mary and Jane, seated across from me, both nodded and chimed in together, “Yes, she's great, Mom. We're happy we invited her.”
“So, when are the others getting here?” I asked.
“What others?” Mrs. Bardell appeared puzzled.
“Tammy and Harriette. They said you invited them too, and they promised they'd come.”
“Oh, they're not coming anymore. They called just before you arrived to let us know,” Mrs. Bardell explained. Her big, dark eyes moved between me and the twins. “Okay girls, just sit tight for a bit. Dinner will be ready soon.” Then she went into the kitchen.
Fantastic! Just fantastic! Some friends they are. Traitors!
“They didn't tell me…” I mumbled quietly, feeling betrayed. I quickly checked my phone and texted Tammy: So you're just not gonna show up?
The message was stuck on “sending…”
“Don't worry about it,” the twins reassured me. “We'll still have a great time tonight!”
Their idea of a good time was putting on a skit they had practiced the last few days. The twins disappeared upstairs, only to return dressed in their costumes. Mary had on a gray hoodie that I thought I'd seen before, and I noticed a dark crusty-looking red spot on the sleeve. Jane sported a baseball uniform. Mr. Bardell, wearing a smile like his wife, joined in the fun. He was down on all fours, wearing a dog mask that looked surprisingly lifelike.
I sat still on the sofa, feeling completely weirded out.
As Mary ambled around the living room, her hood shielding her face and her hands tucked in her pockets, Jane and Mr. Bardell engaged in a game of frisbee. Mr. Bardell crawled around like a playful pup, zooming across the room and even leaping over the couch. Quickly, I crouched down to avoid getting hit. He then sprang to his feet, his arms bent like a dog's, proudly holding the frisbee in his mouth.
Mary stopped and glanced back. “Cool dog,” she said.
“Thanks,” Jane said, mimicking a man’s low pitch. “What’s your name, son?”
“Eddie.”
My stomach sank. That was the name of our missing classmate.
“Would you like to play with him?” Jane continued.
“I should really get home, my mom–” said Mary.
“One throw won't hurt, would it?”
“I guess not.”
Jane grabbed the frisbee out of her dad's mouth and passed it to Mary. The frisbee soared into the dining room and plopped right onto a plate sitting on the table.
“Oh! It flew into my house,” said Jane.
“I'm sorry!” Mary said.
“That's okay, my daughters are getting a kick out of watching us.” Jane pointed up. “Do you see them over there? Second floor, window to the right.”
Mary waved.
“They told me you're a friend of theirs.”
“Not exactly friends… I mean, we went to the same school. I haven't seen them around in a while though.”
“Why don't you come inside and say hi?”
Before Mary could answer, Mrs. Bardell popped out of the kitchen, saying dinner was served. All eyes turned to me, waiting for me to make the first move.
XXXXX
Vote on the character's next move.

Hello everyone first post here, just really need advice.
My mum and dad are fighting constantly nowadays. They've been married 20+ years, my sibling and I are in our mid 20s.
The main thing they fight about is that my dad doesn't communicate things to her. For example, he doesn't tell her that he's invited people over for dinner. This was a while ago now and he's since improved so he tells her most important things but today he told her that a group from church were coming for dinner but failed to mention that this one person was also coming. She happens to tutor that person's daughter today so she felt that she needed that information. Cue huge shouting match.
There was apparently also another incident where they went on a trip with a bunch of friends and my dad was talking to someone about our upcoming family holiday to Germany. My mum did not know it was Germany we were going to and made some comment on it, and her friend looked at them oddly. My dad thought he'd told her and said he'd check with me and my sibling to see if he hadn't told any of us. My sibling and I both knew and we thought our mum knew too. She's still mad.
My opinion is that: A) Yes my dad is bad at communicating but he's making an effort, and today was a very particular situation where she happened to be tutoring that person's daughter (she hadn't told my dad about the tutoring either so I especially don't think his oversight was that egregious) B) Neither of these incidents are things to go absolutely ballistic over if you have a healthy relationship C) With the second incident, I don't think it was necessary or productive for her to make a comment on how she had no idea unless she wanted to publicly humiliate my dad and her marriage
Now I think my mum needs therapy because firstly she blows up so so so easily at even the tiniest conflicts. For her the reason for blowing up so much is ALWAYS because "he's been like that for the past 10 years". It's always the straw that broke the camel's back for her. But I've never seen her just moderately angry at him, and also the verbal abuse she throws at my dad when she's angry is, in my opinion, not excusable in any circumstance. From what I know, my dad has not committed any grave sin against her (e.g. cheating). It's always just he forgot to tell her something, he's running his business in a way she doesn't like etc. But the way she screams and criticises him you'd think he's committed some deadly sin against her.
Secondly, when she is angry she doesn't listen to reason AT ALL. Regardless of whether it's my dad speaking or either me or my sibling, she will never listen. We try to explain things to her nicely, calmly, but she just sits there and then picks out certain phrases we've used and criticises them rather than acknowledging the point of what we're saying. Even when my sibling asks her to not interrupt him before he finishes his point, she will literally just keep talking over him in a really loud voice. I ask her to talk a bit quieter because it's hurting my ears FOUR TIMES and she does not lower her voice a single decibel. It's like she becomes deaf when she's angry and it's genuinely childish talking to her when she's in that state.
The problem is she doesn't think one bit that she might be the problem in her fights with my dad. To her, as long as he tells her every little detail and runs his business in the way she wants, their marriage would be perfect. She doesn't realise she is judgmental, a control freak, has anger management issues, and perpetually victimises herself. My dad always apologises for his shortcomings and says he'll make an effort but I've never once heard my mum apologise or admit her wrongs. If she gets too angry she just gets up and leaves the room. She's always been quite childish like this but it's been especially bad recently.
I feel like us suggesting therapy to her will not be received well, but it seems like she really needs it. How do I help my mum?

I have had a solid trio of 2 really good friends for the past year now ever since I started grad school. We would talk everyday, everyone made equal contributions to the friendship (inviting each other to events, making plans, support through tough times, etc). I would be lying if I said this wasn't one of the most genuine friendships I had felt in a long time.
The shift in our friendship started when I left town for spring break back in March to visit a friend. I knew they would be hanging out while I was gone, but what I didn't expect is that they seemed to become significantly closer friends within that week. Things remained very similar for a while until a large shift occured when M28's car broke down. M28 became reliant on the 2 of us for transportation, primarily to work, for about 2 weeks. I was more than willing to help him because that's what friends do, and I live less than 2 minutes away from him and we both work in the same office. However, after about 2-3 days he began refusing my offer's and/or seeking out F25 for rides instead, despite them living 10+ minutes away and out of the way from their work. I later discovered that the only reason he would ask me for a ride after that instance is if F25 was unable to. Even when we were already out with the 3 of us, and it was time to go home, M28 would have F25 drive him home, even though it would add 20 minutes to F25's trip, and me 2 minutes. I asked him about it, and he told me I was over thinking everything, and I let it go. I realize that this sounds very insecure, but I am trying not to leave anything out, and I think a lot of people would be confused by this behavior.
The second instance of things that has happened is I noticed that he has begun paying for F25's outings more and more often, and I actually asked him if they had began dating because of this, paired with the weird carsharing dynamic. I feel like now is a good point to mention I am not interested in F25, and this isn't a two guys going after one girl situation, this is me trying to figure out why the dynamic of our friendship is shifting so much. M28 told me no they were not dating and he was just doing it to be friendly. I remained quiet but I didn't necessarily buy it, after all, he didn't offer to pay for my food. We all went out for dinner one night after work and M28 tried paying for F25's dinner, but F25 interjected, paid for all of us, and M28 got really upset about it. M28 leaned over to me and said "Now we look like a bunch of freeloaders". I'm not sure why but this really struck a nerve with me, I called him out and said "we all pay for each other from time to time, why are you making a big deal out of this?" He said she shouldn't have to and I said it's her decision. A less intense but similar situation occurred the following week. We had a movie night planned at M28's place and I was buying dinner. M28 let me pay, however he got really upset about it later and basically forced me to take his money to pay for part of the meal.
The last pair of instances took place over the past 2 weeks. I recently had a family death and for the first time in our friendship, I feel as if they were not there for me in the slightest. When M28 was dealing with some life altering decisions/emotion struggle, I dropped everything I could, spent time with him, and helped him process everything. F25 did the same for him, and the two of us have done the same for her. I recently lost a very close family member of mine (F16) to suicide, and I had to leave town for the weekend for her funeral. F25 reached out to me once offering to take care of my apartment while I was away, I told her thank you but I don't have a key to give her since I am already out of town. When I tried to reach out to M28, he pushed me away, and basically said I should spend time talking to my family, not him. This hurt me. When I got back into town, neither of them reached out to me for the entire week. I sat alone in my office for a week while the two of them were studying/working from home. I later found out from a close friend that they were hanging out together, and didn't tell me. In pairing with that, I saw them for the first time yesterday since getting back into town. When saying that we should do something together again, they seemed enthusiastic about it, but gave me reason after reason why they can't.
I want it to be clear that even though this is an assumption, if they are dating I am incredibly happy for them and think they should date, as the two of them are great for each other.
If they are dating, I am less upset about the whole situation as they are justified to spend quality time together if that is the case, and they are not obligated to invite me somewhere every time they are together. However, this would also mean that they have actively been lying to me, and making me feel bad for noticing everything that has been going on.
However, if they aren't dating and are really just friends, then why do I feel like they are slowly cutting me out of their lives?
Am I overreacting for feeling this way? I have developed such a close friendship with these two over the past year and I don't want to throw it down the drain. I also don't want to sacrifice my own mental health based off of my perception of my friend's behavior towards me. I am talking with my therapist back home next week so I will be discussing everything I have mentioned here with them.

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I believed in fairies as a kid. More than believed in them. I think something terrible happened to me, and I've just buried it until now.
Call me a typical emotion-bottling man, but I have never considered therapy. No matter what I went through, no matter how many times I thought to myself, verbatim, that I should talk to someone about this, I just never thought of it as an option. It simply wasn't on my roster. It was just one of those things that existed on a separate plane of existence than I was living in, never to cross paths or interact lest the universe collapse in on itself.
I have no problem with therapy, don't get me wrong. It isn't like I don't understand the overall appeal. I have plenty of friends who swear by it, swear it has helped them tremendously, including my wife. It just wasn't ever something I thought was in my cards.
"I just never really thought about it," I told Alice one evening, when she had brought the topic up once again after dinner.
There was a serene sense of peace wafting through the entire house that day, and I was feeling content. It was a Sunday, and swimming season, so we had dropped Emmie off that morning at the public pool for practice and gone straight to our favorite breakfast place. The rest of the day was filled with all the conversation that had built up over the week, all the topics we couldn't fully dig into with each other while babysitting our eight year old, and lounging, all crammed in between sporadic bursts of housework and paperwork we had to catch up on. It was the perfect day, in my humble opinion. It was a lovely moment of peace in the midst of a chaotic life, as is life with kids. And now the sounds of Mario Kart drifted in from the living room, Emmie's squeals cutting through the cheery music every now and then, causing Alice and I to share small smiles of acknowledgement.
Oh, to be a child again. Still a little drenched from a post-swimming shower, full of chili, eyes glowing with the reflection of a television screen.
"Well, maybe you should." My wife was scooping leftover chili into a Tupperware with a ladle. Her hair had been tied up like it was every day after dinner, as if she planned to run a marathon rather than do the cleaning up. She wasn't looking at me, dialed into the task at hand.
It's crazy how some parts of my memory could be so good, and others nonexistent.
I reached over from where I stood before the dishwasher, sliding my arm around her waist. She gave me a look, like, what?
"I just don't think it's for me, babe," I muttered, resting my mouth on her shoulder as if I was trying to skip her ears and speak right through her skin. "You know those things make me uncomfortable sometimes."
She let out a half groan, half sigh, setting down the container and the ladle and turning to face me, draping her arms over my shoulders.
"Everything makes you uncomfortable, John."
I smiled, letting my hands fall to her hips. I knew her frustrated act was just that, an act, at least for the most part.
"It's good for you," she continued pointedly, reaching up to tap her pointer finger against my forehead as I swayed her back and forth to a nonexistent tune. "Like medicine. And I know for a fact there are some things you need to work through."
I feigned offense. "You think I'm some kind of nut job?"
"Everyone needs therapy," she snarled, pulling out of my arms, but she didn't resist when I reached out and drew her back in. "Not just nut jobs."
And that was how most of those conversations went. Some got a little more heated, ending with a lightly slammed door (so as not to wake our daughter) and a whisper-shout of "this is why you need therapy!"
I feel I'm making it sound bad, but it wasn't. Even our more serious fights never quite felt like fights. They felt like playing. We were like two cats, biting and tackling and swishing our tails, but never baring our teeth to hiss. I never felt genuine, full-bodied anger towards her, and I knew she felt the same. It sounds sappy, but we were just very in love. I sometimes felt that we had never actually left the honeymoon phase.
I'm also making it sound like that conversation was incredibly common, and it wasn't. It came up maybe once every few months. I knew she was just looking out for me. She knew me better than anyone.
We had met through mutual friends, and we had initially bonded over our terrible childhoods. We both had moms who were out of the picture, and over emotional, over compensating dads, although this manifested in vastly different ways. Alice's mother left her father for a D-list rockstar type, following him on his state wide tour. She would sometimes send Alice letters or postcards from the road, although her dad wouldn't always let her keep them if they seemed to be stained with blood or seemed to have made contact with any strange white powders.
Her dad coped with anger. He never laid a hand on her, but his shouting and the sounds of glass bottles smashing against the walls kept her up almost every night. During the days he'd take her out, buy her things, go mini golfing and bowling and to the movies. Anything to seem more fun than her mother.
My mother passed away on my seventh birthday. She was driving home from work, which was at a law firm half an hour away from our house, when it began to rain. She was texting my dad her ETA when she ran a red light and a semi truck T-boned her, completely obliterating her car.
After that, everything changed. My seventh birthday could've been my twenty-first. At night it was the worst. I remember sitting with my dad as he cried, curled up in a sobbing ball on the filthy living room carpet, whimpering like a kicked puppy. He would scream and wail so loud the walls shook. He would say, over and over as if I wasn't hearing him, sometimes mumbling and sometimes shrieking, "She was cut in half. I'm sorry sir, she's gone. No, there's no chance she survived, she was completely cut in half."
The days were almost worse. During the day, when he could decrease the helpless wails into weeping at the very least, his attention turned to me. He tried to get something out of me, almost silently begging me to break down with him. Every other second it was, "How are you feeling, son? Do you understand what's happening? You poor thing, you must be devastated, your mommy is gone... Don't you want to cry?"
But I couldn't indulge, and I didn't want to. I had to wash the sheets, because he'd pissed them again, and I didn't want him to sleep in it and smell like pee when he took me to school the next day. I had to vacuum the carpet, so the next time he curled up on it and begged God to take him too, when he finally stood up, his cheek wouldn't be caked in crumbs and dust.
I don't know if I ever truly mourned. My mother's death was more like an absence, as if someone had taken a pair of scissors and carved a chunk out of my side, or snipped off a limb. I could still feel her, I could still talk to her, but all I got back was a deep ache and a crushing silence.
I hated how people reacted when I told them my mom was dead, and had been since I was a little boy. I hated the looks on their faces when they asked how she died, and when I told them. How their mouths fell open dumbly and their eyebrows twisted and contorted in sympathetic horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know," they said, as if there was vomit rising in their throats, and I wanted to say, "Well, you fucking asked, didn't you?"
Alice never reacted like that. In fact, she never really even asked me what happened. We were on our second date, nursing beers while leaning against the pool table a a dingy speakeasy, when she told me about her own mom. It was the first time in a long time I actually felt like the conversation was open, like I could respond and she would listen and care, but not too much. Not an uncomfortable amount. When I told her about my parents she didn't say anything, and her pretty face didn't contort. She leaned over the corner of the pool table and kissed me on the cheek, took my hand.
The day she found out she was pregnant, we promised each other to be better, to not let our child ever have to grieve alone or feel the very specific hopeless terror that only a parent can cause.
So maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe I should have gone to therapy the first time she brought it up, the first time she told me how it had helped her get through her own terrible memories. But if I'm being honest, I didn't think I had anything to get through. I had left it in the past, I had coped so far in my own somewhat crooked way, I didn't want to dig any of that back up. I didn't want to be put back in that place where I was expected to talk, to cry, to open up. It made my skin crawl just thinking about it.
"I was always the therapist," I would say to her with a crooked grin. "And I like it that way."
Then, the dreams started.
I could tell you I don't know what triggered them, I don't know why it was now. But that wouldn't be the truth. I know exactly why I started to remember.
At first, they were brief. Nightmares that I couldn't quite recall or explain, waking up disoriented and a little sick. The rest of my day would feel strange, like I was surrounded by a thick fog. Eventually, they started to wake me up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and screaming, scaring the shit out of my wife. Once I ran to the bathroom and threw up, barely making it to the toilet. That was when the word "therapy" came up again.
It feels like I've been in a coma for twenty years, and I'm just waking up now.
It's so strange how different the world looks to a child.
I believed in fairies as a kid. Laugh it up if you want. When I turned four, my aunt brought me this book - we've all had one, I think. It was one of those huge hardcover books filled with information about something mythical, with little patches of fabric to simulate a mermaid's scales or a dragon's claw.
Mine was about fairies, and it was so real to me. My mom would sit up with me later than she probably should have, reading to me, placing my hand on the textures to feel. I wanted to know everything about them, I became obsessed, and naturally, my parents played along. They bought me toys, books... every year I had a fae themed birthday cake, and any kid who dared to giggle behind their hands weren't invited to next year's celebration.
When I was old enough to use the internet, supervised of course, I began further research. My mom helped me navigate Wikipedia first, and they had plenty of information to sustain me for a while. My interest turned from wings and magical powers to different types of fae from every corner of the earth, mushroom rings and their alleged distaste for iron. While I still wasn't very good at reading, I would just look at the pictures until she got home from work.
When my mom died, the fairy memorabilia began to amp up. My aunt bought me new books, gave them to me wrapped and tied with ribbons with tear filled eyes, and my dad brought them up whenever he thought I needed comforting and felt strong enough to leave the house. "Wanna go look in the forest for fairies, son?"
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I began to worship the fairies. I was convinced they lived in the forest behind my house, just behind each tree I looked at, hiding from me. I would spend my weekends escaping into the woods with a bucket and a cheap pair of binoculars, positive that this time, this day, I would see one.
At night, when my dad finally passed out in his own puddle of tears and other bodily fluids, I would pray to them. I never believed in God, we weren't a particularly religious family, and besides, I had seen what good He had done for my dad thus far. But I believed in the fairies.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
They never answered.
Until they did.
It was a Friday. I remember now, I'm not sure how I could have forgotten. After school I had sprinted into the shade of the trees before my dad could stop me, gripping the hem of my shirt in my fist, the thin fabric bearing the weight of two handfuls of the shiniest silverware and most colorful buttons I could find in our dusty cabinets.
I had a plan that day. I was going to lure them to me.
My path began in a clearing where I thought a ring of mushrooms may have begun to grow... but even without that, it was just the perfect spot for fairies. I could picture them flitting between the trees, chirping to each other happily, picking wildflowers to weave into flower crowns.
I walked backwards all the way back to my bedroom window, dropping another item every few steps. When I got inside and looked out my window, I could see my trail of shiny things curve through the overgrown grass in our backyard and disappear into the trees.
I was so excited, I could hardly contain myself. Tonight, surely, they would come to me. They would show themselves, and they would help me. But after another few late hours of coddling my father, finally convincing him to drink some water and get in bed, I was exhausted. I completely forgot about my plan. When I got to my room I collapsed on my mattress, not even bothering to undress before I closed my eyes.
Then I heard it. The scratching.
I opened my eyes. The moonlight shining through my bedroom window casted strange shadows across my ceiling, shadows of the swaying grass and the creaking trees.
It was strangely silent, other than the sound. Usually there was lots of noise, or at the very least a few crickets, but not tonight. Tonight, I realized, I couldn't even hear the wind.
I sat up slowly, as if in a dream, and looked toward my window. I couldn't see anything out there, nothing glaringly obvious at least, that could be making that noise.
The scratching turned to a tap. Tap tap tap, like a fingernail against a glass. It had a playful air to it, like someone was saying, look over here!
I stood, rubbing my eyes, and stumbled over. The tapping stopped abruptly when I got to the window and peered outside, out to the dark yard, pitch black if not for the moon's glow. The grass didn't sway, the trees didn't creak. I frowned and unlatched the window, sliding it up above my head.
I was right, there was no wind. Not even a gust. Everything was still outside, like it was frozen. I actually started to believe it was frozen, that time had stopped completely somehow, before I saw it.
My trail of silverware and buttons. Sparkling softly in the moonlight.
Disappearing.
It began where the path met the trees, curving off where I couldn't follow it anymore. A fork disappeared right before my eyes, right on the edge. Just vanished, as if someone who was invisible had picked it up and stuffed it in a pocket very quickly.
Then another went, a spoon. Then a particularly large gold button. Whatever was taking them was doing what I had wanted, it was taking my bait, it was coming to me. And it was as if whatever had tapped at my window had wanted me to see this, wanted to show me.
But something felt very, very wrong.
This wasn't how I had pictured it. There was no twinkling, tiny winged thing at my window, winking at me before dashing back into the safety of the trees. There were no secrets being whispered in my ear, no fairy dust or promises of better things.
Something about this wasn't right. It felt like a mimicry, almost a mockery, of what I had imagined. Like something was trying to give me what I wanted, but was rusty at it.
I didn't want this anymore.
My stomach twisted and my hands shook as I pulled the window back down slowly, watching more glittery things disappear from the grass, growing closer and closer. As soon as it was closed I quickly locked it and pulled the blinds shut, turning my back to the window as if something would happen that I didn't want to see.
Nothing happened. The deafening silence continued for a few seconds as my ears strained to hear anything else happening outside. Then the wind picked up, and the sounds of crickets, muffled by my closed window, filled the night air.
I don't remember when I fell asleep that night, I just know I felt unnerved and jumpy for a while. I woke up the next morning feeling guilty. Had the fairies really come last night? Maybe they had come to talk to me, to bring me gifts, favors, and what had I done? I had closed my window on them. I felt ungrateful. Why had I even been scared? Because it was dark outside? What was I, a baby?
When I opened my window and peered outside, I gasped. The trail of silverware and buttons was completely gone, all the way up to the last one, which I had placed on my windowsill. In its place was a shoe. I didn't know what kind of shoe it was, but it looked sort of nice, fancy. I remember smiling out the window as I opened it, as if they were looking, and taking my gift.
How could I forget that night? How could I have forgotten what happened after? I feel crazy, either like I made it all up or like I've made up everything since then, like my life isn't truly my own.
I remember telling my dad. I remember saying, "Dad, the fairies came last night!" and the absent smile he gave me.
Until I showed him their gift. The shoe. Instantly his face went pale and he snatched it from my hands, staring at me as if I was something unholy.
"Where did you get this, Johnny?"
"The fairies, dad, I told you!"
He didn't respond. Just gave me another long, solemn look, before turning away from me, still holding the present I received close to his chest. I was upset, but I knew better than throwing a tantrum. That would be too much emotion anyways, too uncomfortable. Even back then, I didn't know how to handle those things.
I didn't show him their gifts after that. I didn't want to risk having them taken away. I tried not to be scared of the fairies, even though they always came at night, but I didn't go to my window when they came anymore. I read everywhere that fairies didn't particularly like to be seen, even though this one seemed to want to be. It always began with tapping, but otherwise complete silence that almost felt like it was swallowing me... and eventually the tapping would stop, the silence would pass, and I would fall asleep. In the morning there was always another gift for me, sitting on my window sill. A sparkly gold ring, the other matching shoe, a hat... I smiled when I took every one, wanting them to know I was grateful. And I would leave things for them too, little sweets or shiny things like coins or paperclips that I found on the ground at school.
Things seemed to get better with my dad for a while. He kept to himself more, he was quieter. At night he would cry softly in his room, rather than his uproarious wails that I used to have to quell so the neighbors wouldn't come knocking. During the day, he would talk to me, but more casually. He didn't ask me how I was feeling anymore, or tell me to let it out.
I hoped this was the fairies. I felt invincible, like I had a secret superpower that no one knew about. I was friends with fairies.
Then one night, everything changed.
It started with the tapping, as always. That night I was fast asleep, catching up on well earned rest since the nightly therapy sessions had ceased.
The tapping woke me. It was that loud. It was louder than usual... but it seemed like it stopped abruptly as soon as I raised my head to look.
That was different...
That night, I had left my blinds up and my window open by accident. Since that first night, even though I wasn't scared anymore, I had always closed them... but this time, I must have forgotten.
It was silent outside. It seemed darker than usual. I could almost make out something, a shape, way on the other side of the yard, but it was too dark and I was too far away to tell.
That feeling from that first night retuned. A twisting like a hand reaching into my stomach and mixing things around, a heavy feeling in my chest like someone had stolen all of the air from my room, even though the window was open. The silence seemed to crush me, bearing down on me from every angle, making my ribs hurt.
The feeling that something was very wrong.
I don't remember deciding to stand: looking back, I have no idea why I would do that in my state of fight or flight. I don't know if I consciously chose to. I don't remember walking over, but I remember getting there, my hands on the windowsill and my head poking out into the completely still night air.
There was something there. On the edge of the trees. Right where I had seen that first fork disappear into thin air. I squinted, leaning further into the darkness to try and make out what it was.
When I finally did, the outline taking shape as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to shake uncontrollably. I remember that I tried to scream, but no sound would come. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare.
Two legs stood in front of the trees, facing me. Two legs, a blood-soaked pair of slacks, no shoes on the purple, swollen feet. And a jagged, violent rip in the torso where the rest of my mother's body had been severed from its lower half.
It took me a while to realize that the legs weren't standing on their own. They began to move, jerking clumsily toward the window, like something I couldn't see was struggling to hold them up. I finally forced myself out of my trance and fell to my carpet, vomiting.
I don't remember much else about that night yet. My dad came running when I started crying, I'm sure, but he didn't see what I saw. My mom's legs were gone, or hidden. Because they weren't for him.
They were for me.
We moved after that. Before now if you had asked me why we moved so far away so suddenly, I probably would have mumbled something about the grief, and it being too hard to stay where my mother had died. But I remember why now.
It was because the next morning, when I checked my windowsill, there was a hand. My mother's hand. Purple and stiff, and missing her gold wedding ring. Reaching, fingers rested against the glass, like it was trying to get in.
Like it had been tapping.
I don't want to think about what else it might have brought, had we stayed.
That thing, whatever it was, wasn't my mother, and it wasn't a fairy. I had invited something else with all my praying, with all my naive and innocent beliefs, and with all my bottled up emotions. I had invited it, and I had let it in.
And then I had forgotten everything. Maybe I bottled that up, too.
Now I remember. Now I'm having nightmares, and waking up with that sick feeling in my gut, my eyes jumping to our closed bedroom window.
Because a week ago, my daughter woke me up very early in the morning my jumping on our bed. A week ago, she shook me awake, her eager smile stretching all the way across her face. A week ago, she told me, "Dad, the fairies came last night!"
She showed me a doll, a ballerina, with a pink tutu and beautiful long blonde hair.
And now, with all these terrible memories hitting me like cold water to the face, only one keeps me awake at night.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
It has granted two of my wishes, in its own twisted way. My father grew distant from me and my mother was brought back in pieces.
I'm happy now. But I don't have peace. I don't think I'll ever fully have peace, at least not with a child and a wife to try and provide for, and not with all of these memories.
So what has it come back for?

I genuinely had no idea the depth this season would have. I just finished my second rewatch, watching edits, and reading people's analyses and metas. Nic was right when she said this season was romance because, wow, I’m speechless at just how much there is to their story. It keeps you going back, thinking, and pondering. To the point that I'm not as mad as I was about them splitting up the season. We're really able to take in these four episodes, unpack each scene, each character, and each expression because everything has been so purposeful.
On my second rewatch, it struck me that it wasn't the kiss that awakened Colin's feelings. I wouldn't have thought so until someone mentioned on twitter it wasn't the kiss Colin has a flashback of before he goes to the ball. it was the scene Pen wraps his hand with a cloth. I rewatched the show after that to pay closer attention and wow did so many things stand out to me the second time around. Maybe it was the candle that sparked that memory, but even then, was her wrapping his wound so significant to him that it prompted him to go to the ball, interrupt her dance, cause a scandal, and then chase her carriage?
Colin's behavior towards her has been odd the entire season. First, Penelope not responding to his letters messed him up. It made him realize that although he's always cherished her as a friend, she had a much more profound impact on him, and he didn’t notice until she was no longer there. He tries to talk to her, but she walks away, giving him the cold shoulder. He is left shook.
He sees her at the ball in her stunning dress. He keeps staring at her, so aware of her, constantly tracking her. Then she leaves, running up the stairs and passing him. He leaves his friends behind to go after her, despite their advice not to concern himself with her. They have that moment where he tells her he misses her, but in a much different way than he would have spoken to her last season or the season before that. "If you're going to make it, say it. I miss you." Not "I missed you," but "I miss you."
This distinction is crucial. "I missed you" implies a past tense, a temporary void that has now been filled. "I miss you," however, conveys a present, ongoing longing. It shows that his feelings are current and that her absence affects him deeply and continuously. This moment is pivotal because it reveals a more vulnerable and sincere side of Colin, one that he hasn't shown to others this season.
Colin is showing a different side of himself to everyone this season, including his own family. He's trying to present a more composed and assertive version of himself to the world. Yet, Penelope is the only one with whom he truly feels comfortable enough to be his genuine self. She makes him feel safe, allowing him to drop the mask he wears for others. With her, he can be kind, sensitive, and unguarded.
This sense of security that Penelope provides is significant. It’s clear that Colin values her presence not just as a friend, but as someone who understands him on a deeper level. She brings out the best in him, the parts he might be afraid to show others for fear of appearing weak or overly sentimental. In Penelope’s presence, Colin feels seen and accepted, which is why his declaration of "I miss you" carries such weight. It’s not just that he misses her company; he misses the person he is when he’s with her.
Then he seeks her out and comes to her house, gives her the big speech, and tells her he wants to get into her good graces. They go out, and he tells her to practice on those gentlemen. When she stumbles over her words, he just smiles so fondly at her. At this point, I don’t think he’s aware of his feelings, but I do believe he's starting to realize just how much he likes her. He really, really likes her. And he missed her so much, and being around her again is literally lifting his spirits.
One of my favorite moments is when they are at the market. Colin brings up the story of when they first met, leaning in and saying, "teasing me. Mercilessly, in fact." When he follows with, "I think I know why," it stands out to me because you can just see how different he is when he's with her compared to anyone else this season. Even with his family, his light is dim, and there is a cloud hanging over him. But with Penelope, especially in this scene, it's like a man who finally saw the sun after being stuck in endless rain. At this moment, I don't think he knows he likes her romantically, but he likes her even more than he did before. He notices how she makes him feel. He loves their banter and how clever and witty she is.
Penelope freaks out when he says this because she thinks she knows, and she keeps on walking. They are momentarily covered from each other by the rugs, and then Colin pops out and continues his sentence. Everything about it is so playful and flirtatious, even if unconsciously at this point. He’s just having so much fun, and it’s very different from how he used to interact with her before. That moment when Penelope says, "I should get back," leaning in and adding, "before we are noticed," is significant.
Then we have the moment when Colin says, "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." By this point, he’s addicted to her. The interactions they had at the market, especially at the end, left a lasting impression on him. I see this as Colin testing his feelings, wondering, "Let me see if that was a fluke or if I actually like her." This moment is crucial because it reveals Colin's internal struggle and growing realization of his deeper feelings for Penelope. He’s no longer simply enjoying her company as a friend; he’s beginning to seek out her presence because it brings him genuine happiness and comfort.
This shift is evident in his behavior. Colin’s eagerness to see Penelope isn’t driven by a sense of duty or friendship; it’s a personal desire. His anticipation of her visit shows that her company has become something he craves. This is no longer about teaching her anything; he just wants to spend time with her, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Colin knows that teaching Penelope how to attract a husband doesn’t look right, as he mentions to Eloise. He is aware that his actions could be misinterpreted, and yet he persists. This indicates a level of emotional investment that goes beyond mere friendship or mentorship.
When Colin invites Penelope to the Bridgerton house and places a hand on her back, it’s a bold move that borders on scandalous. In the societal context of their time, such an action is highly intimate and could easily lead to gossip and speculation. Colin is well aware of this, which is why his decision to proceed regardless is significant. It shows that he’s starting to prioritize his personal feelings and desires over societal expectations and norms.
In Season 2, when he grabbed her hand and took her into a secluded room, he genuinely saw her as just a friend and didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But this scene is different. Colin is aware that his feelings towards her are changing, and he doesn’t care about the impropriety. He just wants to be alone with Penelope. This awareness marks a turning point in Colin’s emotional journey. He’s beginning to accept that his feelings for Penelope are evolving into something deeper and more romantic.
His actions, such as eagerly awaiting her visit and ensuring they have private moments together, reflect a subconscious desire to explore these feelings further. He wants to understand the depth of his emotions without the interference of others. This need for privacy and his willingness to bend societal rules for her indicate just how significant Penelope has become to him. He values their time together, not just as friends, but as potential romantic partners. Colin’s behavior suggests that he’s on the verge of a profound realization about his true feelings for Penelope, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.
Then we get to the moment that solidifies for me that he knows to some degree what he feels about her. When Penelope tells him his eyes are beautiful, he is visibly aghast, speechless. Jungshook. The compliment is so unexpected and disarming that he doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he picks up his lemonade and chugs it down like a man who hasn’t had a drink in days. This reaction is significant because it shows how much Penelope’s words affect him on a deeper level. It’s not just flattery; it’s a moment of genuine vulnerability for Colin, revealing that her opinion of him matters more than he realized.
Now, let’s delve into the moment where I believe he realizes he likes her. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and rewatched their moments with a different perspective if it weren’t for the flashback. The moment she wraps his hand is so intimate and romantic. She wraps his hand slowly, and he watches her intently as she does. There’s a tenderness in her actions that goes beyond mere care; it’s an unspoken connection. She continues holding his hand and slowly folds it, kind of caressing his fingers. This gesture is filled with unspoken emotions, and Colin feels it deeply.
She looks at him intensely, and he meets her gaze but looks down immediately, starting to fiddle with the end of the cloth like he’s nervous. This moment of eye contact is loaded with significance. Colin’s nervousness is a telltale sign that he’s starting to realize his feelings for her. He doesn’t pull away until she mentions his writing, and he gets overwhelmed. Despite all that, and even though he’s upset she read his journal, he asks, "Will I see you tonight?" This question is crucial. It shows that, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed, he craves her company. He just wants to spend time with her.
Even when he’s upset that she read his journal, his first thought is to secure more time with her. "Will I see you tonight?" is not just a casual question; it’s a plea for connection. Colin’s desire to spend more time with Penelope, even when he’s feeling vulnerable, underscores the depth of his feelings. He’s starting to recognize that his attachment to her is not just about friendship or companionship; it’s something much more profound. This realization sets the stage for the unfolding of his realizations and the emotional journey Colin is about to navigate.
Then the ball happens. Colin looks around the room for her and gives her a sexy smirk when he sees her. This smirk is significant because Colin typically reserves it for women he's flirting with, albeit usually in a fake and uncomfortable manner. However, this is the only time the smirk feels genuine and actually comes off as sexy instead of forced. The flirtatious "Good evening" from Penelope is everything, honestly. When she asks how his hand is, he replies, "All good, thanks to you." Sir, all she did was wrap it with a cloth; please be normal. At this point, he's fully aware he has a crush on her. He no longer views her as he did before. His entire demeanor is so much more different compared to their other lessons. There is an intensity to him when he's talking to her that wasn’t there before.
When Penelope talks with Lord Remington, it’s interesting that "Jealous" by Nick Jonas starts to play now and not after the kiss, when she converses with Lord Debling on many occasions where we know he's jealous. When Pen tells him she enjoyed her time with Lord Remington, he responds, "I'm certain he did as well," and he gets a bit awkward. Someone on Twitter mentioned that when Penelope was flirting and trying to engage with others, Colin wasn't jealous, but the moment she is herself and comfortable, his jealousy kicks in, as we saw in this scene. Someone said he's trying to gatekeep her lmao. He sees her smiling and enjoying herself—a part of herself she only shows him—and he can't handle it. Hence, why I believe they chose to play that song at this moment.
This moment is crucial because it highlights the shift in Colin’s feelings. His smirk, which is usually a façade, becomes real and filled with genuine affection when directed at Penelope. His awkwardness and jealousy when she talks to another man further emphasize that his feelings for her have deepened. Colin is no longer just a friend offering guidance; he’s a man who realizes he has a crush on her and is struggling to navigate these new emotions. The music choice underscores this emotional turmoil, perfectly capturing the internal conflict and realization he is experiencing.
And then everything else proceeds that leads to the kiss. I, like so many others, believed this is where he realizes his feelings for Pen. Someone on Twitter mentioned how his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quivered. When I first saw it, I wondered why this kiss would warrant such a strong reaction from Colin. At this point, it was just a kiss that Pen asked for in a moment where she thinks she is ruined and will never find a prospect. But upon rewatching, Colin's visceral reaction to the kiss, as evidenced by his furrowed eyebrows and quivering lips, suggests a deeper emotional resonance than he initially realizes.
Penelope tells him it would not have to mean anything, but for him but it did. He knows his feelings towards her have changed. If it had been just a kiss because she asked for it, it would have stopped after the first time. Just a fleeting moment of physical contact between friends. But they kiss a second time and it's from his pov this time. It's slow sweet and oh so romantic. It's a catalyst that triggers a flood of suppressed emotions and desires within him. In that brief instant, the walls he's constructed around his heart start to crumble, allowing his true feelings for Penelope to surface. it wasn’t a kiss that awakened his feelings; it was a kiss that confirmed it. And not just confirmed it, it made him realize it wasn't just a crush he developed this season but it brought all his dormant feelings to the surface from the past as well.
TLDR: I think he was aware that he liked her when she wrapped his hand specifically and the kiss made him realize that it wasn't just a crush—his feelings run much, much deeper than that.

I CANNOT EDIT THIS TITLE but I should have said birthday weekend!! None of this happened on his birthday, it was the day before his birthday!
This weekend I got me and my boyfriend an air bnb for his bday, the first night went well and The second day we planned on going out for lunch, then when it gets darker out we were gonna drink, take a romantic shower, sit by the fire place and have dinner. I was super excited for it all. As the sun set we went outside to smoke, and when we got back inside he was very quiet and sat on the ground on his phone. He gets in moods like this where he’s quiet and sits on his phone and will not talk to me, so I let him be for like, 15 mins. I then asked him if he’s ok, he said he’s fine so I assumed so (I need to note that for 5 years he never ever tells me what’s wrong. He just says he’s fine even if he isn’t, and although I have sympathy for him not being ok, I’ve realized he’s old enough to communicate with me if he’s ok or not. All I’ve done for five years is show him that he can talk to me, so if he says he’s fine I take it that he’s fine because we’re too old to play mind games) but asked him again half an hour later if he’s ok and I pleaded him to talk to me about it, still nothing and he was just sitting on his phone. I then proceeded to take a shower alone, which I invited him to because I wanted to try and do something romantic, he didn’t but he sat on his phone in the bathroom. After this I had kinda given up so I asked him one last time if he’s ok, and I asked him if this is trult how he wants to spend his night. He got very defensive and I decided then and there that I did what I could, and laid down and went to bed. The next day as I was packing up I was visibly upset because of last night. He wouldn’t even cuddle me, and not to make this about money but I don’t get paid well and this was our first trip alone, so I was really bummed this is how it ended. He asked me what was wrong and I politely told him I was bummed, and he proceeded to not even comfort me but told me it was my fault for going to bed and canceled our plans. He said he just needed an hour on his phone and then would have been ready to do what we wanted to do, he absolutely never said that.i assumed with his attitude he wanted to do nothing but be on his phone. I’ve tried so hard to be respectful and explain to him that he should of communicated he just wanted an hour to do nothing and then do something, or should of said something when I laid down in bed, but he’s very adamant on it being 100% my fault and he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Did I do something wrong?

So my ex and I were together for 2 years and everything was great. From the beginning we were almost everyday together and last year we even sort of lived together in his student room. He is a lovely boy who is always positive, brings a light into the room and made me feel the luckiest girl in the world. I had some bad relationships in the past and he was finally the one who loved me and cared for me in a way I would never imagine.
We both were students when we met and lived the typical student life: partying, drinking, going on vacation, etc. I graduated last June and had a job by the end of September. In the summer vacation we both went on a road trip together for 2 weeks and it was amazing. From the moment I started working, the relationship was not so exciting anymore: I came home, cooked dinner, ate together, we watch tv together or he is gaming with the boys and I’m doing my thing and then we went to sleep. My routine after work was boring if I look back at it, but it was new for me too. In the meantime we did some fun things, but not so often like we used to. I was into the adult life and even considered by moving in together and that kinda stuff.
Everything was fine and even the living together stuff was all fine by him too. We never argued (maybe 2-3 times in 2 years) and he always said “yes” or “fine by me” on everything, even if I asked his opinion 10x. So I thought we were still good. Until a couple weeks ago I came home from work and I noticed there was something wrong. I asked him a couple times and finally he said, out of the blue, that he had doubts about our relationship. I freaked out and cried so we couldn’t talk properly. He went home to his parents and the next day he came back to talk. He said he still wanted to be with me but some things had to change, for example my temper (I have a high temper and can get mad for the smallest and dumbest reasons and lately it did occur often that I got mad really fast). I said that I will work on it because it was true, it gotten worse and it wasn’t pleasant for the both of us, but he had to work on his communication as well. His doubts came for me out of nowhere because he never communicated with me about things that bothered him.
Our relationship went forward and I worked on myself and so did he. I thought it went good until 2 weeks laters the same conversation came up. He said he still have doubts about the relationship. I asked him why and what he wanted to do about it to fix it but everytime I got the answer “I don’t know”. So I suggested that we move on like we did but saw eachother less (like leave 2-3 days in between). So, then we did that because he agreed with the options I gave him to try and work things out.
Again everything went well. Couple weeks ago he was in his student room and I was at home by my parents. I noticed he wasn’t online on any social media and haven’t send me a message in 2 hours or so. Because of my past I panicked and spammed him with messages and phone calls asking what he is doing and where he is. I did this a couple of times and he got mad for my behaviour. After that, I came back to reality and realised that my behaviour is not healthy and apologised. He eventually calmed down too and said it’s okay and I love you. Later that week, we met up and he said “I think we shouldn’t see eachother for a time” and I broke down. The next day he deleted all my pictures on Instagram and removed me from the family groupchat so I was confused because this seems like a breakup instead of a break/pause. He came over and would only say “I made the decision so I stand by it”. So it was done.
Couple days later I went to his student room, where we ‘lived together’ to get my stuff. I made him a long letter which I read for him to say thankyou. After that he comforted me and we cuddled really long. We constantly kept eye contact and he admitted that he still loves me, felt butterflies in his stomach, felt happy, etc. I felt that he really had a hard time of keeping his hands of me and letting me go. At the end, we gave eachother a big goodbye kiss and it was magical. Despite all that, he still says he couldn’t be with me. He also said “maybe in the future” and “not right know” and that kinda stuff. I suggested that we go no contact for 2-3 weeks and then meet up again to see if his feelings have changed.
It’s been 2 weeks and he asked to meet up this tuesday. I want to feel hopeful, but in the meantime he deleted me on Snapchat last tuesday and unfollowed me on Instagram the same evening he asked me to meet up, which was last friday.
I have the feeling he is running away from his true feelings and is scared to get back because he thinks things will get better for 2 weeks and then the same conversation will end up. I am convinced we needed this because now I can truly see what behaviour from me is wrong and I need to get help to fix that for me. I already took the step to go to a psychologist. But he is stubborn and is convinced that it won’t work anymore.
I don’t know what else to do or say to him to get him back. I really love him and he is the man I see a future with. He does get the best out of me and supports me in things to make myself happy. I really think that if we gave this another chance it can work and we can get better out of this if we both work on our communication. How can I convince him that it can work between us and he doesn’t have to run away from his feelings? What do I do or say to him this tuesday? Is there a chance for us? I want my sweet boy back…

I’ve written to you a million times. In letters, poems, prose, and art. I’ve built temples and stars, worlds and universes with words that you’ll never hear, read, or believe.
I tried so hard to not love you, and yet I did. I moved past you, but your memory just walked by me, step by step. And I remember a kind woman. I remember being loved by her. I remember feeling like starlight with her. But she isn’t you. No. You’re something else now. Someone else now. You wake with other people, you don’t think about the past and possibilities of the future.
You don’t hurt like I do, and I don’t think you ever will. I wouldn’t want you to. You would think I would’ve learned by now. To not… hope for more. For your return. For who you were. But I think I’ve always known who you are. I had my turn. My chance. My love. My time. I just wish it wasn’t so.
Standing on deck, I wait for a woman who I lost long ago, and just because you look like her, speak like her, and smile like her, doesn’t mean you are. Now I look for a woman who will love me like she did. I think the distinction is important.
Whoever she will be, I will love her more than I have loved before because she can see who I am, and all this hurt that I’ve been through, and love that about me. Love how I wear it, how I smile through it, and how I love past it.
Je t’aime Elle. Bon voyage.
Time to find port.
Farewell,
Captain Keeper

My MIL told me "You got rid of yours! so how would you know !" (typo in title. wrote this on my phone)
Hi there this is my first post ever and Though this happened a few years a go I feel like i need to write this out for cathartic reasons . so apologies if this is confusing and goes back and forth .
Background : me (28 F) and my S/o , let call him John(29M), have been together 11 years this October, being some what high school sweet hearts we have gone through most and if not all of our major moments in our 20s and now entering our 30s . When we first got together i was fully aware John and His mother dont always get along. And thats putting in nicely . In reality they get in to Full screaming and cussing fits. These can be started from a simple discussion, think "what color is the sky?" and the most unhinged argument would start. MIL is a divorced, awful narcissist who gaslights John and mentally and emotionally abuses both John and his sister , my SIL , we will call her Kelly. My SIL Kelly is also just as bad and if not worse than my MIL in some ways . In the past i tried very desperately to get them to get a long and bury the hatchet , my MIL and SIL would loudly talk about how they loved me and appreciated me and my MIL started calling me her DIL almost 3 months in tot he relationship. (Probbaly Red Flag #12 but i was young and was brought up being told its the most important thing to have your S/O family like you and you do what ever your S/O family ask of you .) Now my SIL being possibly worse than my MIL would be her anger issues on top of her own narcissistic and gaslighting behavior modeled after her mother .SIL also has 3 children by 3 different men, never married and has protection orders agaisst all these men, and dragged all of them to and from court in the same fashion as MIL divorced John and Kelly Father .Also as she had the relationship end with her first Babby daddy we inherited her dog as she couldnt keep him and he is now OUR dog has he as lived with us for almost 8 years now, he is our dog as i pay for his food and all vet needs, he is 100% a house dog and lives happily with all of us and his dog sissters . Over time both MIL and SIL obviously became comfortable and thats when i started seeing their disturbing behavior towards John and his Grandma then later to myself . MIL and SIL have abused Grandma by using her as free child care (Gma is 80) and would berate her and use the Kids against her, if Gma did anything SIL didnt like . By using the kids i mean SIL would send long text messages telling Gma she the worst and worthless, bringing her to Tears and she is banned from seeing the children untill SIL decided shes no longer upset or had no other options . As of Current she is still banded from seeing her grandchildren and we have no idea what she needs to apologize for. Next we escalated to being screamed and kicked out of Christmas Dinner , my MIL stelaing $2,500 from Johns Saving account and stealing Gmas credit card info to use on Amazon orders to just show a few more examples.
Now back ground about story in question: Myself and John found i was pregnant when we were 19 at the time we decided to terminate the pregnancy as we both heavy believe in having children only when we are economically comfortable enough to do so and both agreeing that being so young this was not the time to do this. We both strictly believe in this as we have had many family members pop out children with out any though and that disturbs both of us. Then Going to Plan Parenthood i was told i had an ectopic pregnancy and they then was rushed me to the hospital to schedule my termination . Understand this was a very scary situation for myself as i was told one of my ovaries could be removed and due to the placement fluid was building up and stuck near my hip that caused my to start losing feeling in my leg , but the surgery was scheduled for the next day . Thankfully I had some Great doctors and both my own family and John overwhelmingly supported me during all of this and i didnt have to lose an ovaries . Yay! Now i am actually a pretty private person when it comes to my heath and due to feeling some misplaced embarrassment and shame i asked John to no speak to his mother about this i wanted to keep this between us . He agreed though obviously this was stressful and devastating to us at one point he did confide in his mom for support . At the time i was pretty furious at this but understood that as my family knew and gave us all the support we could ask for i understood he did long for his own mothers support . At the time she was extremally understanding and supportive and was everything John needed emotionally at the time and she respectfully gave me space and didnt bring up any questions. I deeply appreciated this at the time as it was what i needed.
Fast forward to the day in Question: 2020
It was a bad day for me , i was very sick dealing with ,at the time, an undiagnosed Gallbladder disorder that caused sever vomiting and abdominal pain that wasn't corrected untill late 2022, and i went home early with an hour dive back to the home myself and john share with his Gma. When i arrived home SIL and MIL with the kids were at the house just visiting . During this SIL keep speaking about OUR (Myself and Johns Dog ) still being hers. During a moment i was unable to hold my tongue and said something along the lines "well he isnt your dog thats why ." she then screams "YOU BITCH!" in our home in front of the kids . I then promptly and calmly told her " You can leave now . " she then continued to cuss me out but i had blocked most of that out as none of that needed to escalate or be said in front of the kids .At this Point john was also loudly telling both MIL and SIL the leave and they will not speak like that in the house . We were then told we couldnt tell them what to do as it was Gmas home and now ours . I looked and Gma and as she went to say something MIL started screaming at her telling her to "Shut up and mind her business" By this point the argument then escalated to a point of SIL taking the kids out of the house telling us we "are wothless and we could all fuck off ". MIL was still yelling and i couldnt tell you what but then as i loudly told MIL that their behavior was unacceptable and they needed to leave our hosue and SIL behavior infront of the kids was also Unacceptable in this home and since we all live under the same roof we have just as much say in the home as Gma. MIL then proceeded to say "How would you know how to take care of children !" you got rid if yours !' It took everything in my body to not jump over the living room sofa and beat the ever loving shit out of her. I did take a step forward and said "Do you want to repeat that ?" she looked at me in horror, not because of what she said but because she probably saw the rage in my eyes and i was not acting my "normal submissive self " with her so she was not prepared for my response . John then proceeded to tell her to "Get the Fuck out of this house ! How dare she and she was no longer welcome in the home. I couldnt really tell you what i was saying at that time or if i said anything at all after that as i was in a blind rage . She stormed out of the home and slammed our front door. funny part was they left the kids water bottles so she had to come back and knock on the door to get them back. I opened the door tossed them at her and slammed the door so hard in her face the entire front door area shook and almost dropped some frames off the wall.
I apologized to gma as i know i should of held my tonge when they were over but i just couldnt . She told me to not aologize and she is so ashamed of both MIL and SIL behavior and she didnt even know what to say or do to make me feel better. At this time i was unaware i was shaking violently and and tears just free flowing out of my eyes . Both Gma and John did everything they could to comfort me but nothing quiet helped. I think i just disassociated for the rest of the day or else i would if spiraled out of control. We went NC very quickly after this as John couldnt believe that came out of his mothers mouth and was just taken a back and devisated as i was . Gma was still baby sitting and told gma i would never tell her what to do but please dont speak of me over there or anything about my family or me and John. she agreed that was best and kept her promise. though Months later i found out i was still a topic of conversation at MIL and SIL home, about my behavior that day and my "unplanned and outrageous choice to get rid of my child ." Gma came home and explained what was going on to John when i over heard and then suddenly spiraled into a nervous break down . Johna nd Gma came over to calm me and she apologized as she wasnt trying to keep it from me but didnt want to upset me further so she believed telling John was a better what and have him speak to his mother about this but he was also spiraling . after a few days i sent MIL a 4 page educational Fuck you text message and link included so MIL and SIL could better educate themselves as i did not "just get rid of it" i had a medical emergency that could i had last effects on my life. She then responded with no apologies no remorse , just blamed Gma for speaking when she shouldn't and that i "owed her" for being taken to Disneyland (which was a fully planned family trip she invited me to and was upset that John didnt propose to me during trip at disney) and i also "owed " her for her taking me to a doctors appointment. I responded and told her that was the sadest text message i have ever read and that i was so sorry she was just sad narcissitic woman who cant live her life with out blaming the world an her mother for her problems. Going forward MIL and SIL were blocked via phone , and all social medias as i will not allow people like them in my life. John also went NC and he was aware i was sending the message and if he would like he could read it himeself . He politely declined and explained going NC was the best to do as he couldn't stand to look or speak to her anytime in the near future, and with the horrible comments made about me i was allowed to say what ever i wanted to her .
(now since 2020 , we did have an accidental pregnancy around 2022 near the end of covid. All the stress led us to also make the decision to terminate as i was mentally not healthy enough , covid still going on, john lost his job it was another instant where this is not feasible for us, this was a very hard choice for us that put us at the lowest of our relationship and i even had complications after the termination which put me on bed rest for a week. MIL has no knowledge of this as it is not at all her business)
Since the house argument we went NC has been heavily inforced, with the occasional reach out demanding to speak to her son and now her refereeing to Gma by her legal name. SIL forbid gma from seeing the grandkids but will ask John to come see the kids which 9/10 times he declines. It breaks our hearts to not be apart of the kids life's but there is no more fake smiling through their BS . They have stopped by the house less than a handful of times for brisk interactions with the kids . MIL and SIL will try to engage me in conversation but they dont get anything besides the occasional "uhuh " and "oh wow" comments . They reccently invited us to the kids soccer games but sometimes the thought sends me to full blown panic attacks nd melt downs even thinking of engaging with them . I do speak to a therapist about all this and other things in my life, i do suffer from extreme anxiety and depression but as me and John have been getting better financially we have had more relaxed conversations about having kids soon which has brough up a lot of anxiety for me again with some flash backs to mentioned fight with SIL and MIL . They do occasional wiggle back into our lives like this which at times i could care less and other times cant leave my bathroom due to fear. John and myself haven't had much conversation about my anxiety for it lately but if i tell him "No" having to deal with his mother and sister , he never argues , never makes me feel bad for not engaging. He has always been extremally supportive with any of my decisions i make which makes me love him more . I understand that was a lot and i could go on forever about the crazy shit MIL and SIL do with their sad life but i just needed to get this out there . sometimes i think no one agrees with me about their behavior and after losing 2 best friends to ODs and Toxic life styles i dont have really anywhere else to express this emotion or ask for a ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on that isnt my S/O .
Well thats the general story thank you for lasting this long and reading my story today . If you have any questions or comments im happy to reply if anyone has anything to say.

Soulmage

I wanted to leave without a word, because there was a part of me that still thought I was right, and if I spat that venom at Cienne I'd only sicken him more. Then I wanted to write a letter, because I'd tried to make Cienne's choices for him one too many times, and taking my last words away from him stank too much of glass shards and festered bile.
So in the end, there was only one choice that gave back Cienne some of the control I'd wrested from him. There would be no vanishings in the night. No envelopes on pillows with salt-stained pleas.
I knocked on Cienne's door during a frigid, thin-aired noon.
"Lucet?" I heard a thunk twenty pounds heavier than I expected. He was taking to the treatments well. The treatments I'd tried to keep from him. "Everything okay?"
And fuck, things had gone so wrong between us that the first thing he asked was that. "Honestly? Not really. But if you don't want to talk, I'll leave."
I held a slip of paper between my fingers. If he didn't want to talk, I'd slip it into the Plane of Calm when I left. Hiding my last words in a place he'd only reach if he was unshakeable was the least I could do to ensure my absence wouldn't be sprung on him when he was already knocked down.
But the door opened before I could cast a spell, and Cienne was in his neatly-tidied room, his Redlander's robes pooling around his feet. Waves lapped at the warm sand of his soul, and he stepped back in an unspoken invitation.
The paper crinkled in my hands, and I shook my head. "If I step into that room I'm not going to be able to leave," I blurted out.
Cienne tilted his head, lips pursing, and I could see my soul reflected in his eyes, all back-alley bilgewater and broken bottles. The realization swelled inside him like a bubble of magma, boiling his idyllic beach into mist and quartz. "You're leaving the city," Cienne finally said.
I had an entire letter working up to that revelation, and he saw through me in an instant. "I wrote an explanation, if you don't want to hear it from me now, but—"
"If that would make it easier for you," Cienne began, then grimaced. "...no. No, I want to hear it from you. Why you'd rather die by inches rather than let Zhytln treat you, you stubborn—" He cut himself off.
"Go ahead," I said.
"Like hell I will. You came here to say something, and I want to hear you out."
I took in a deep breath, then looked down at the words in my palms. I could drop them and run, and Cienne wouldn't get in my way because only one of us tried to stop people from taking the medicine they needed, and that was the coward's way out and if there was one thing I would never again be it was a coward.
"Okay." I wish I could have met his eyes while I spoke, but truth be told I'd stammer and stutter and shy away if I had to improvise this, so I looked down at my letter and began to read.
Cienne, it simply began. If you're reading this, I'm already gone. I skipped that part, true though it was, and read aloud from the second sentence. "You're building a life here, and I can't be part of it. Because you're finally happy and healthy and safe and content, and there are things I need to do that won't let me ever be any of that."
Cienne's hands twitched, as if reflexively he wanted to reach out to me, to comfort me like he had so many times before. Before. Before we'd clashed. Before he knew what it meant to be a riftmaw.
"Part of me wanted to hide where I'm going for your own good," I continued, and I was glad now that I had an excuse to look anywhere but at Cienne. "But I don't get to decide that for you. So while you're living your life on the docks of Knwharfhelm, the same abomination of an institution that gave us cancer and killed Sansen is still murdering and brainwashing and claiming the moral high ground while they're at it. And I'm going to steal their medicine and wreck their war machine and show them what a pissed-off soulmage with nothing to lose can do. And this is where both of us belong. You enjoying your freedom and health. Me trying to win that for everyone who didn't escape. Because that's why I'm doing this. For the people like you who never found their peace. And for the one who did."
Lines of frost crept from my fingertips, ink twisting into brittle runes. I looked up at Cienne, as if he would convince me to change my mind, to take Zhytln's treatment and stay in the struggling, growing household he'd made.
Maybe there was once a Cienne who would have asked me to stay. But I'd killed that man on the docks of Knwharfhelm.
"...Will you talk to Meloai and Sansen before you go?" Cienne finally asked.
"I knew I'd only be able to do this once."
Cienne closed his eyes.
"Then go," he finally said. "And when you see Witch Aimes..."
His brows creased, eyelids twitching, and his soul shuddered and wrenched. He never finished his sentence.
"I'll know what to do," I said. I almost reached out to take his hand.
But his soul was placid and still once more. I'd disturbed him enough already.
So I drew a line in the air, peeling open a rift between our home and the streets of Knwharfhelm, and took my first step towards the Silent Peaks.
A.N.
Updates will happen when they happen. Thanks for sticking along.
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