I dislike the concept of life. Literally everything about it is absolutely boring and uninteresting, even the most minor things. I find it burdensome to need to eat multiple times a day, drink water, piss, poop, etc. I don't like how we just spawn into existence and have no control of who our parents are. If they're shitty people, well too bad. If they gave you some hereditary disease, well too bad. I don't like the system, and I don't like how everyone is just completely brainwashed by the system. I don't like how I just spawn into existence without my control, and now I'm forced to be in a rat race, having to compete just to get money to afford my existence. I don't like how everything in life revolves around money. I don't like people. I don't like how life is just a bunch of suffering, physically and mentally. And the thing is, there's no reward for any of this. Once it's over, we just go back into a non-existent state, just like before we were born.
I don't think life is very interesting at all. I don't think going to school, or spending 50 years of my life selling my soul for a corporation is very interesting. That alone is the majority of your life, for 99% of the population. I don't have any hobbies or passions, because nothing is interesting. I don't have any desire or interest in sex/relationships, because I'm aromantic/asexual. I don't find the selection of things life offers to be interesting at all, which is why I don't have any hobbies. Being a human is a very boring experience. We can't do cool things like animals, such as flying, running fast, or swinging on trees, etc. We're just boring humans that live and sleep in concrete boxes, and when use a metal box to go to our slave jobs, and then back into another concrete box for our slave jobs. Yeah...very fun..
So life is not only terrible because of all the suffering and randomness, but it's also completely boring and uninteresting. There's a whole universe out there. with things that you could never even imagine. Yet I am stuck in a life like this as a mere human being. I don't think there's anything wrong with me for saying these things. The thing is, everyone is just brought into this world randomly and we're all expected to just accept life for the way it is. It doesn't matter what cards we were dealt, what kind of suffering we've been through, or even if we just flat out aren't interested in human life. We're just told to live, but why? I already know people will be talking about how I have depression, but that really just proves my point. People are brainwashed to think with this black and white mentality Again, not everyone cares about this game called life. It's something I was forced into. It's not a game that I asked to play. I don't have any sort of depression disorder or mental health problems. I simply just could not care less about the concept of life. I think it's boring.

My girlfriend of two years has a bully breed (male, 3 years old). He is becoming the bane of my existence. For reference, my girlfriend and I are both women.
My girlfriend and I are planning to move in together within the next year. We've talked extensively about our future pet plans. She understands that her dog is an issue and is open to letting her roommate (who loves the dog) take ownership. On one hand, it is heartbreaking to see my girlfriend struggle with the potential of this. On the other hand, I'm freaking relieved that she's open to it.
It's not my girlfriend's fault this dog is awful, I honestly believe it's just the way he is (bully breeds are TERRIBLE). She's taken him to numerous training schools, has him completely kennel trained, has an electric collar on him, and even gives him calming gummies.
I don't need advice, I just want to rant about the stupid things this dog does that pisses me off. It's becoming such an issue for me that I dread going over to her house. Am I heartless or are my feelings about this dog justified?

• The dog is a velcro dog and CONSTANTLY needs attention. If you're sitting on the couch, he's on top of you. If you're in a room, he's up your ass. I always have bruises and cuts on my hands/legs from this dog jumping on me.
• This dog needs constant surveillance. If he leaves your line of sight, he's jumping on the counters, digging in the trash, chewing objects that aren't his, and knocking things off shelves/tables. If you stop petting him for one second, he runs off and does these things. This is super goddamn annoying and it takes away the quality time my girlfriend and I spend together (playing board games, watching TV, even just talking).
• He's aggressive and possessive. It took months for him to stop biting my hands and jumping on me if my girlfriend and I kissed or hugged. Even now, if we're standing too close he'll wiggle his way in between us.
• He's so loud and energetic all the time. I have ADHD and sensory issues and this overstimulates me to the point I have to take a time out. Every time I'm trying to watch TV or play video games the dog is barking, panting, jostling me on the couch, running loudly through the house, etc. It makes my skin crawl and I feel hot and itchy.
• The time I spend with my girlfriend is impacted by the dog's schedule/needs. We can't go on day trips because the dog can't be left home alone too long. If her roommate can't watch the dog, she can't spend the night at my place. He has to go outside every two hours and it interrupts our quality time. Obviously, dogs need this care and it would be the same situation with any dog but if it was a dog I liked maybe I wouldn't be so salty.
• He's reactive. He does not get along with other dogs and hates children. If my girlfriend and I laugh too hard, yell with excitement, or make any weird sudden moves, this damn dog is biting and jumping on us. My girlfriend doesn't like bugs and saw a bug in the kitchen and jumped a little bit. The dog growled and pulled on her sweater sleeve and I had to drag him off. He's bitten me four times because of things like this.
• He's so messy and stinky (bully breeds have skin issues). His hair is everywhere, he stinks up the couches, he chews up toys and leaves pieces everywhere. He obsessively licks his feet and often leaves wet marks on the furniture. I freaking hate it.

I just cannot stand this dog. It's getting so bad that I'm becoming afraid of him. I am so in love with my girlfriend, we have great communication and a great sex life, we share so many hobbies in common, our friends and family adore us together, and we are on the same page with our life and relationship goals. We are compatible in every way except her dog.
Anyway, Thanks for reading this.

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?

We're currently broke rn. And were in debt so we had to sell our car last year and just booked a new one. And me and my mom thought that everybody already knows about that. But apparently my dad lied to everyone to not damage his reputation. So we had a family wedding to attend today evening and we were outside our house waiting for an uber because we don't have a car. It was very awkward and the cherry on top was the lightning. It was about to rain and my mom was really looking forward to this wedding. Then two of the neighborhood ladies who were taking a walk saw us and asked my mom where were we going so dressed up and my mom said that we're going to a wedding, then they asked for what were we waiting and my mom just told the truth that we sold our car due to financial issues so we're waiting for an uber. Then the two ladies awkwardly laughed and continued their walk. My dad got extremely angry at this because the husbands of the two ladies aren't rich and my mom just lowered his "value" in front of the two ladies by just saying the truth. He threw the wedding gift on the road, cancelled the uber and said that he won't go to the wedding. Then he started screaming vulgar language and "revealed" to everyone (all the houses' front doors were open) that my mother is six years older than him. Now this is a very sensitive topic to my mother. Whenever the word "age" is mentioned in front of my mother, she starts fidgeting. Apparently it's a big shame. A few people even came outside to see what was going on but they didn't interfere. I'm pretty sure someone recorded. My mom was very embarassed but still wanted to go to the wedding, so she tried to convince dad to book an uber again and then we went to the wedding. He refused to come inside and just waited outside and a thunderstorm started. Me and my mom went inside with dull faces and I ignored everyone who tried to talk to me. Idk why I did that, it just made it very apparent that something bad happened. Everybody started asking where was my dad and my mom just had to reveal that this and that happened. There was family who lived close to our house and they offered to take us home if our dad refused to which he did. He sent a message saying he's leaving. We had our food very quickly. I literally couldn't eat anything. Then we were about to leave when my dad texted that he doesn't have the house key and to give it to him. My mom and I walked to him during the thunderstorm and then he said that he booked an uber and we're all leaving. My mom had to say that we're going with dad so they don't keep waiting for us but they just wouldn't pick up the phone. So my mom had to walk back again and tell them. My dad then cancelled the uber. Said some things and then told us that he's leaving alone and to manage somehow and that he won't even open the door for us when we reach home. But then he came back with an uber. So we get in. He told my mom how he's going to reveal to everyone how she's six years older because my mom embarassed him in front of people who aren't up to his level (his words). Then he told my mom to go the houses of the two neighborhood ladies and tell them the lie which my dad told everyone else. We went to both the houses and the two ladies just laughed. One of them said she didn't even remember it and the other one said that my father had the right to be angry. He didn't enter along with us and when we left the house, he wasn't outside. He went home. My mom and dad then started arguing really loudly and my mom told him that she's going to the police to "scare" him but it just made everything worse. He took a heavy chair and was about to hit her with it. But he didn't, he just used his hand and he did it so hard, my mom started bleeding from her mouth. But he didn't care. He then took a photo of her while she fell down on the floor and sent it to everyone we had on WhatsApp. Even people from my school. I deleted it soon after and blocked everyone's number but I'm sure some of them saw the picture. He said he's going to embarass her ten times worse than she did. Then he also told me that he will not let me go to school again. And that he would kill both me and my mom and then glady go to prison. He won't let mom divorce him or report him to the police. He would kill us instead. I don't think life will ever get better. I've posted so many times on Reddit always hoping maybe it will get better one day but it never does. I feel really bad for my mother. She may be older but she's the prettiest woman I know. Her beauty will never fade. And we literally never have anywhere to go and my mom spent hours trying to look perfect because she wanted many pictures to post but it couldn't happen. She didn't get to take a single picture. I really really want to give her the life she truly deserves. She was so excited for today. She was planning her outfit and everything like two months ago.

TL;DR: 11 year old recently announced they are non-binary. Do you have advice/tips for my kid and me (the parent)? Also looking for fun stuff that makes them feel proud and part of a community.
Hi,
My apologies if this isn't a proper forum for my post.
I'm a parent not very involved in the LGBTQ2s+ community but not completely clueless. My kid told me casually the other day that they are not a boy or a girl. They told their friends already but not the adults (school, friends' parents etc.) I am using neutral pronouns and I correct myself when I slip (I still make mistakes, it's been a week). The issue is that I have to switch back and forth because the other adults don't know and if I say "they" well, I am telling everyone, so with the other adults and strangers I use he/him. My kid said that's fine and asked that I continue that way. Is that something I should be concerned about? I offered to talk with the school teacher at least, but they declined so I figured I would just follow their lead.
I have no idea what kind of challenges and opportunities await a young kid who is aware and proud of their non-binary identity.
I looked up lots of websites and blogs online but a lot of resources relate to name changes and legal and physical transition. My kid, who hasn't hit puberty yet, isn't worried or sad about their body (other than wanting more upper-body strength). They don't want to change their name either. They do care about their looks and their true identity.
Do you have advice for the parents, like Dos and Don'ts? Also advice for my kid to navigate this time in their life?
They asked about the meaning of LGBTQ+ and during the discussion we looked at the LGBTQ2s+ flags and the non-binary flag and we discussed pride: their eyes started shining with excitement. They are only 11 years old and the social opportunities offered by advocacy groups in our area aren't available for them. They would have loved to join an LGBTQ2s+ group of tweens and young teens to play video games, shoot hoops, and skateboard. Do you have any advice on websites to check out, video games, youtube channels, streamers, books, comic-books, movies, TV-Show that may help them feel part of a community? ideally fun stuff at this point.
They are into Hilda, Nemona, Owl House, Gravity Falls, My Hero Academia, Amazing Digital Circus, Fortnite, Fall Guys, Minecraft and a bunch of obscure and often cute or silly stuff that I couldn't name :D
Thanks a lot.

So this is going to be a VERY long story and I hope some of you can take time out of your day so I can get some perspective from other people as I feel some serious guilt after what happened the past 3 days.
To give some background, I was an employee at a grocery store and I became friends with a girl that I'm going to call Amy for the sake of privacy. Amy was cool and we got along great. She did mention that she had a boyfriend and it honestly didn't bother me at the time. I was just happy I made friends with a cool person at work. We would sit together in the break room and have a lot of conversations together and even add each other on sc and talk occasionally outside of work. She did kind of mention to me however that she doesn't have a lot of friends and she was trying to make an effort to be in a group of friends.
Well at the beginning of this year, she ended up quitting and I was pretty sad as she was one of the few friends I made at this job. We didn't speak again until 2 months after she quit. I have a friend group that I have known since I was in middle school and once or twice a month we get together to play video games, play board games, watch movies, etc. I decided to invite her to this friend gathering as I remembered her saying that she didn't have too many friends and I wanted to see her again. She ended up coming and it went amazing for her. She loved being around my friends, we were all laughing and having a great time. She loved all of my friends and we invited her to our discord server afterwards and she became an official member of our friend group. Afterward, I learned that the reason she quit the job was that she had a miscarriage and it destroyed her emotionally. She told me that inviting her to this friend's gathering sorta changed her life and helped her through that dark moment.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until one day she asked to hang out with me one-on-one at my place. I agreed and she came over and we played video games and watched a few movies together. It ended up becoming super late and we decided to just sit on my couch and just chill and talk for a bit. The conversation ended up starting to get very personal/sexual and there seemed to be an awkward tension happening in that moment. She then tells me that she's actually “Poly” and is into open relationships. Hearing this, I realized that I sorta had feelings for this girl and I made a very risky move by asking her if she wanted to be together in an open relationship in a FWB way. She talked to her BF the very next day and he agreed to let her be with me in an open relationship and that's when it all started.
The first 2 months of our relationship went great. She was seeing me once a week and we were trying to make our relationship work. We started talking about our personal lives a lot more and it seemed like this relationship was going to work. All of the friend group knew about our relationship and she was still active in our discord server and everything seemed to be going well. The relationship started to get kind of serious and we both said that we loved each other. We started discussing having kids potentially in the future and trying to make this open relationship work somehow as it seemed like we both had serious feelings with each other despite her technically having a BF. I stopped viewing this as a FWB and believed that she was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
However, things started to go a little downhill in the third month of our relationship. I started to notice that she wasn't as talkative and enthusiastic about our relationship as she once was. She started to reply a lot slower to my texts and we started to get into fights. We ended up getting into a MASSIVE fight about a week ago. Long story short I tried to talk to her about our relationship and was kind of wondering why she was acting the way she was. She EXPLODED on me and started yelling at me and saying I was being so annoying by asking her constantly about our relationship. I tried to be as calm as possible as I didn't understand why she was acting this way. I said something along the lines of “If we are a couple I feel like we should talk this out as I care about you” She then said something along the lines of “we aren't a couple, we are just a FWB”. I was heartbroken when she said this after she told me that she loved me and wanted to have a family with me. It was way too overwhelming for me to handle so I decided a few days after the fight that I would break it off with her.
I sent her a text that said that we should stop being in a relationship and just remain friends. Initially, she agreed but I kind of realized as I kept snapping her and texting her I felt heartbroken and I didn't wanna talk to this girl anymore. So I ended up texting her that I don't think we should see each other anymore as it's way too painful for me. I implied that I don't want her around the friend group anymore as it's going to make me feel terrible and fuck with me mentally. She then insisted that she should stay because she was technically part of the group now and that this relationship should have nothing to do with the friends she made. I then later talked to my friend group and they all agreed that she should be exiled and that my mental health is much more important. We ended up banning her from the Discord server and cutting all contact with her.
Well, I feel horrible now. I understand I was heartbroken and still am but I feel like it was a mistake to kick her out when she told me how much of an impact this friend group had on her, especially through her miscarriage. My friend group is all on my side and thinks I did the right thing by kicking her out of the group but I want to hear other people's perspectives. and their advice. I talked with my friend group and they are reluctant to have her come back based on how she treated me in the last month but I still feel very guilty about having her lose her only friends over this.
TLDR: I became a FWB with a friend from work and after our relationship didn't work out I kicked her out of a friend group I introduced her to because I was heartbroken about it not working out. I feel guilty and think I should give her another chance to come back.

We're currently broke rn. And were in debt so we had to sell our car last year and just booked a new one. And me and my mom thought that everybody already knows about that. But apparently my dad lied to everyone to not damage his reputation. So we had a family wedding to attend today evening and we were outside our house waiting for an uber because we don't have a car. It was very awkward and the cherry on top was the lightning. It was about to rain and my mom was really looking forward to this wedding. Then two of the neighborhood ladies who were taking a walk saw us and asked my mom where were we going so dressed up and my mom said that we're going to a wedding, then they asked for what were we waiting and my mom just told the truth that we sold our car due to financial issues so we're waiting for an uber. Then the two ladies awkwardly laughed and continued their walk. My dad got extremely angry at this because the husbands of the two ladies aren't rich and my mom just lowered his "value" in front of the two ladies by just saying the truth. He threw the wedding gift on the road, cancelled the uber and said that he won't go to the wedding. Then he started screaming vulgar language and "revealed" to everyone (all the houses' front doors were open) that my mother is six years older than him. Now this is a very sensitive topic to my mother. Whenever the word "age" is mentioned in front of my mother, she starts fidgeting. Apparently it's a big shame. A few people even came outside to see what was going on but they didn't interfere. I'm pretty sure someone recorded. My mom was very embarassed but still wanted to go to the wedding, so she tried to convince dad to book an uber again and then we went to the wedding. He refused to come inside and just waited outside and a thunderstorm started. Me and my mom went inside with dull faces and I ignored everyone who tried to talk to me. Idk why I did that, it just made it very apparent that something bad happened. Everybody started asking where was my dad and my mom just had to reveal that this and that happened. There was family who lived close to our house and they offered to take us home if our dad refused to which he did. He sent a message saying he's leaving. We had our food very quickly. I literally couldn't eat anything. Then we were about to leave when my dad texted that he doesn't have the house key and to give it to him. My mom and I walked to him during the thunderstorm and then he said that he booked an uber and we're all leaving. My mom had to say that we're going with dad so they don't keep waiting for us but they just wouldn't pick up the phone. So my mom had to walk back again and tell them. My dad then cancelled the uber. Said some things and then told us that he's leaving alone and to manage somehow and that he won't even open the door for us when we reach home. But then he came back with an uber. So we get in. He told my mom how he's going to reveal to everyone how she's six years older because my mom embarassed him in front of people who aren't up to his level (his words). Then he told my mom to go the houses of the two neighborhood ladies and tell them the lie which my dad told everyone else. We went to both the houses and the two ladies just laughed. One of them said she didn't even remember it and the other one said that my father had the right to be angry. He didn't enter along with us and when we left the house, he wasn't outside. He went home. My mom and dad then started arguing really loudly and my mom told him that she's going to the police to "scare" him but it just made everything worse. He took a heavy chair and was about to hit her with it. But he didn't, he just used his hand and he did it so hard, my mom started bleeding from her mouth. But he didn't care. He then took a photo of her while she fell down on the floor and sent it to everyone we had on WhatsApp. Even people from my school. I deleted it soon after and blocked everyone's number but I'm sure some of them saw the picture. He said he's going to embarass her ten times worse than she did. Then he also told me that he will not let me go to school again. And that he would kill both me and my mom and then glady go to prison. He won't let mom divorce him or report him to the police. He would kill us instead. I don't think life will ever get better. I've posted so many times on Reddit always hoping maybe it will get better one day but it never does. I feel really bad for my mother. She may be older but she's the prettiest woman I know. Her beauty will never fade. And we literally never have anywhere to go and my mom spent hours trying to look perfect because she wanted many pictures to post but it couldn't happen. She didn't get to take a single picture. I really really want to give her the life she truly deserves. She was so excited for today. She was planning her outfit and everything like two months ago.
Wrong flair but can't edit it.

I’m a sucker for chase scenes! It’s gives me the biggest adrenaline rush to see the protagonist fighting for their life against imminent danger⚠️
My Top 3 Chase Scenes (in no particular order) :
•Prom Night (1980) WENDY - Anne Martin
•ISKWYDLS (1998) KARLA - Brandy
•Scream 2 (1997) GALE - Courtney Cox
WENDY kept me at the edge of me seat. There was no huge score to accompany the scene, it was just a good old fashioned chase that left you hoping she’d somehow survive. Hearing their footsteps as they ran from room to room in the school creeped me OUT! You almost believe she’s going to escape! This movie deserves more attention!
KARLA doesn’t get the credit she deserves for being a final girl. She showed strength, wit, and composure while falling through glass, jumping off roofs, and climbing through holes in the door! Her chase scene made up for the poor plot of this sequel. Hard to believe this was a teen singing sensation playing such a fierce role! Brandy definitely shocked me! She’s also the first black girl to survive a horror film!
GALE is just fast on her feet. She’s also a quick thinker due to her years in journalism. When she comes back towards the glass to find Ghostface standing there, I hold my breath EVERYTIME as if I’ve never seen this movie! I love that she rarely asks for help in distress she’s just focused on escaping. This scene made the movie for me. She creeps around the audio room and they play this cat and mouse game that makes you feel as if you’re right there. My favorite part is when she pushes the stand to block Ghostfaces entry and he compensates by throwing everything he can at the thick glass, unable to break it!
What’s your favorite chase scenes? I would love to hear from everyone so I can watch them! Even if it’s not from the horror genre, I’m always down to add new flicks to my roster!

Sorry if some of the stuff sounds stupid or AI-like I am not of the native tounge of English and I used one of the Google chat bots to fix up the story all the information is correct and is probably a better read anyway, just need some advice on how I should go about this weekend, I planned on staying but maybe I should leave with the kids, well act like I'm leaving and set up cameras? Ee had cameras but I took them all out after rearranging the garage years ago.
I remember it like it was yesterday, the first time I met Sarah. It was late in my freshman year of high school, and I had just made the varsity baseball team. That was a big deal for me, being the starting second baseman as a freshman. The attention and popularity came with it, but I was laser-focused on the game. Then came the charity game, where our baseball team played against the softball team to raise money for the children’s hospital. That’s where I first saw Sarah. She was the first baseman for her team, and I couldn’t deny she was beautiful. A lot of the guys on my team were talking about her, trying to get her number. But I wasn’t interested in that; I was focused on winning the game.
During the game, after I hit a single, I ended up on first base where Sarah was playing. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I didn’t acknowledge her at all, not even after the game or during the pre-game meeting to discuss the rules. Apparently, that caught her attention. She told me later that out of all the guys who tried to talk to her, I was the only one who didn’t, and that intrigued her.
A few weeks after the game, Sarah asked me to prom. She had gotten tickets from her best friend, who was a junior and didn’t want to go. I wasn’t the type to turn down a dance, so I said yes. Little did I know, that night would change everything. That night, we lost our virginity to each other, and for the rest of our freshman year and the summer, we were inseparable. We found every possible place to sneak off and be together – closets in school, secluded spots on campus, anywhere we could be alone. Sarah had a high sex drive, and I was more than happy to keep up with her.
Looking back, it was our intense physical connection and the fact that I didn’t chase her like the other guys that brought us together. Our relationship was solidified with moments like our first prom, skipping school to be together, eating at different restaurants, and getting each other promise rings that summer. And, of course, the charity game where we first met.
But it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Sarah was very popular, and a lot of guys would text her. She handled it well, always blocking numbers and reassuring me that she only wanted me. She was open and honest, even giving me her phone’s pin. She hated the idea of cheating, and she made it clear that she was committed to me. This reassurance wasn’t really needed, but it was nice to know she felt that way.
Throughout high school, we were in many of the same classes, and we excelled academically. We were partners in group projects and participated in activities together. We were inseparable, and everyone saw us as a perfect couple. Sarah came to as many of my baseball games as she could, and I attended a few of her softball games when I could. My dedication to baseball was intense, and she understood that.
Our school had a partnership with a local college, offering free tuition to students with a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I had a 4.0 GPA, which meant I had plenty of scholarship opportunities. By the time I entered college, I was making about $1,800 per semester from scholarships. Sarah and I decided to attend the same college, not wanting to be burdened with student loans. We lived comfortably during college, and I proposed to her at our graduation ceremony. It was a big deal, and our friends and family were thrilled.
After graduation, I made sure Sarah had the wedding of her dreams. I was already doing well financially, working as a lawyer specializing in insurance cases. I was the sole breadwinner for the first three years of our marriage while Sarah focused on selling items online through her flower store and completing her studies in cosmetics. She enjoyed staying at home and was very appreciative when I renovated our garage into a salon area for her business.
Around our sixth year of marriage, we decided to start a family. Our son, Isaiah, was born first, and he changed my world. Just 18 months later, our daughter, Abigail, came along. Life was good. We had financial stability, and Sarah decided she only wanted two kids after the exhausting experience of Isaiah’s birth. She had her tubes tied, and we settled into our new routine as a family of four.
Fast forward to now, Sarah and I are 35 years old, and our kids are 7 and 5. Recently, I’ve noticed some changes in Sarah’s behavior. She started leaving the kids with friends more often and coming home late. Initially, I assumed she was busy with salon appointments. But there was more to it. Our sex life, which had already slowed down, became almost non-existent. Sarah seemed upset about it, but I planned to make it up to her by spending a weekend together, just the two of us.
Then things got worse. Sarah started coming home very late, sometimes with hickeys on her neck. When I asked about them, she said they were from bee stings. I believed her at first; I’m not well-versed in gardening or bee behavior. But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. She had always been loyal, and the thought of her cheating never crossed my mind until now.
As I pieced together these changes – the late nights, the unexplained hickeys, and her distant behavior – a feeling of unease settled in. I wanted to believe her, but the inconsistencies were becoming too hard to ignore. It was time to take a closer look at what was really happening.

If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
This is a Part 2 to my Mega big Yakuza 5 review. In the first part I covered the plot and it was absurdly long because I am psychotic. If you want to read that you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvry2x/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
Combat and Gameplay: I generally felt Y5 was a bit of a step down in gameplay compared to Y4 sometimes. I think Saejima was way more bearable to use in Y5 but I generally found the combat to just be less? fun? it felt a little bland. Kiryu felt much slower for some reason. Akiyama still felt great to use and at times a little better. Shinada's combat style was not my cup of tea. I can respect a characters combat relying on weapons but his felt repetitve and honestly the weapon to bare handed combat for him didn't feel good either way. Haruka's was great though obviously. I never felt such joy or excitement then when I first started the dancing gameplay in Y5.
The upgrade system was lame I did not enjoy it, I ended up just keeping on auto upgrade so I didnt have to bother. It felt like a downgrade back to Y3.
This game was mostly really easy, granted I do play on easy because I happen to be a shame to the video game community, but I very nearly turned it to normal many times. Haruka's dance stuff was so fun I actually did try it on every difficulty mode, hard mode was so fun!
As sure as random combat encounters are in the streets of Yakuza, my complaining about these encounters after every review is just as, if not more expected. Yeah obviously the mugging in this game was excessive for me. I went everywhere by taxi just to avoid getting attacked a billion times on one street. And it is kind of at it's worst in this game not just because of how often you're getting attacked but also because of the battle fields. At first I was pretty excited because the space you can fight was so large I incorrectly assumed you could just leave the fight, wrong. While a bigger battle space sounds better on paper, it's actually a horrible idea. I cant tell you how many times I would have finished fighting three of the goons but the fight wouldnt finish because there was two more hiding AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK. It was so irritating. They did take a step in the right direction by letting Kiryu have a ward off bracelet that kept the attacks mostly at bay, it was so nice I wish other games did that in case you want to just walk around for a change or better yet the rest of this one! Because as far as I could tell none of the others had similar items, and the mugging was at it's worse with Saejima in his city enviroment. It HAD to be bugged with the amount of times i'd get attacked in that area, I probably fought more people there in the brief stint I was there compared to all of Shinada's area. So basically yeah I hate the random fight encounters and it is always one of my main complaints with these games.
I liked the tower sweeps in this game, but the one you do as Kiryu near the end of his section had a horrible situation that I have to complain about, mostly because i'm an idiot. There's an area midway through the sweep where the doorway is lit on fire. Me being the genius I am, I grab the fire extinguisher, point it at the fire, and simply throw the whole thing into the flames. Cue the next 20 mintues being me panic running and collapsing into the fire trying to get the extinguisher :(.
Side Stories
Yeah so this game on top of its massive plot and its many new areas, also added on entire side stories for each character! I'll go through and talk about my experience with each one.
Kiryu: The Taxi Driver
Oh My God. This did NOT have to be as fun as it was. I was amazed that Kiryu even knew how to drive let alone was this good of a driver. So there are three types of missions you can get with this, Racing, Taxi driving where you drive, and taxi driving where you talk. I did literally every possible thing you could in this side story. The racing is a ton of fun, there is a bit of a plot to it that basically consists of batting a rival gang of street racers and leads into your taxi boss's trauma and whatever, I didn't really care for the plot but all the gameplay was stellar. I found the missions with just the conversations to be a bit boring, but my favorite was actually doing my job and driving people to their destinations. What a blast.
Saejima: The Hunter
Okay now I can talk about the bear plot. Saejima's side story is massive and I did love it. I wont go through and summarize the whole thing but Saejima basically stays in the village with the old man who saved him from that big bear he beat up and dedicates himself to finding the bear and hunting it to help the old man and the village. There's lots of ups and downs and twists and turns and I really enjoyed it! I liked the twist that the old man was an escaped convict/former hitman as well.
As for how the gameplay of this sidestory works, basically you go to the mountain and do hunting. You lay traps, shoot animals, etc. As you work through the plot you have more acess to higher parts of the mountain. I can definitely see this gameplay not being it for some people, but I actually really enjoyed it! I do have some complaints tho, I really wish you didn't have to start all the way at the bottom of the mountain everytime, or ESPECIALLY have to walk all the way back down when you're ready to leave. I had hoped those shacks you built would serve as fast travel spots but nope. Also the gameplay is a bit clunky here, I love clunkiness so it isn't a big deal but the male deer charging at me no matter what everytime got hella irritating. Also I was stupid during one of the evil bear encounters and when I was supposed to run I stayed and thought I was supposed to fight him and I sat there fighting for my life for literally thirty minutes before I was like "hmmm whats taking so long?" Anyways I did like it and did literally every mission I could except one lousy mushroom quest because I rage quit it.
Haruka: She's an idol or whatever
Yeah this is the best one. There's not much of a seperate plot here as it basically directly ties into her main plot but it mostly consists of her doing idol activities in preperation for each level of the Princess League competition and eventually her debut.
There are lots of different types of games here. There are actual performances which duh they're amazing. There's dance battles or solo battles where you basically do a dance battle...alone? those are also always fun. There are handshake events which took awhile for me to get the hang of, I think they needed way better directions to be honest but once I figured it out it was alot of fun. There are interviews, these are fine except I hate that they make me answer under a time limit STRESS. There's TV appearances, these range from going on a comedian interview show where you have to answer questions then do quick time events, to running ?, to doing various yakuza mini games like pool or air hockey and more. The running show was so weird, the producer was always like creepy as hell and I really dont get what the point of that show was. The minigame shows varied on fun depending on if I liked the minigame.
Now dear reader, I know what you've been wondering this whole time, youve been BEGGING to hear. What is Alex's Haruka song ranking? Im so glad you asked.
So not including the dance battle songs cuz duh she doenst even sing them but I do like "Like a Arabesque" the most out of those.

1. So Much More: Like obviously right? This is the greatest song of all time! I should be studied next to Bohemian Rhapsody, Nessun Dorma, and Moonlight Sonata.
2. Dream: Technically a dreamline song but who cares. This shit made me CRY. The lyrics are ssoooooooooooo goddamn.
3. Because I Have You: This might be a hot take because I do think's it's less well made then Lonliness Loop, but I still would just rather listen to this. It's a jam, SUE ME.
4. Lonliness Loop: Honestly not a bad song either, I just find it to be thematically the weakest as well as feeling a little awkward execution wise. Still a jam tho!

What are YOUR song rankings?
I also like that the songs some what reflect Haruka's state of mind at the time of her performing them. At the time of So Much More she is just really excited for her career and incredibly optimistic. Then during Lonliness Loop she's generally dealing with the heaviness of her career and isolation of it and if I remember correctly, Park had just died when she went on to perform it. Then Because I Have You is building up to the eventual decision Haruka will end up making at the end, she's realizing how much she misses her family but her dream is still ahead of her, just super duper close. Lastly Dream, the tear jerker, and tragically not on the OST, is about Haruka's dream finally cultivating. She is in this moment achieving her dream, but she's thinking of her family and is grateful to them for supporting her this way. THIS SONG IS FOR KIRYU. Like bro, amazing.
Shinada: Baseball
Anyways lets talk about baseball. I didn't love it. At first I kind of did because I was like omg thank god baseball is way easier in this game if I'm going to be expected to do it way more often. But omg bro its TOO easy. It's just boring man. There's no room for anything interesting or diverging about it. Kiryu's could be pretty repetitive as it's just driving but they offer three different types of driving games within it, Shinada's is just a bunch of the same hitting the baseball game. Granted I liked the little story with him helping the little boy be a good pitcher. I found the main story within it really boring? I struggled to pay attention but the ending to it was cute. Yeah I guess I just dont have as much to say with this side story. I did most of it too, I think I missed one baseball mission? I did enjoy the coach missions that he sends you on for training. Well most of them...THAT UFO ONE WAS EVIL. I've never seen a machine make you get a stick in a tiny hole (thats what she sai-) before as the goal to get your prize like WHAT?
Side stories final thoughts: And thats the side stories! They were alot of fun (mostly) I wish Akiyama got a side story :(. I can't think of what they'd give him to do but I would take literally anything. Any potential side story ideas for him?
Substories
My god I did like 95% of the substories. I did SO many.
Kiryu had a really good lineup of substories. My favorite was EASILY "From a far-off land" I cried so hard doing it bro. Basically Kiryu thinks of his kids during Christmas time and he sends money to each of them so they can get what they want for Christmas. Thing is he thought alot about each of them, it wasnt him just throwing twenty bucks per kid at them through the ATM, no, he sat there and was like "Well Shiro would really like this book, I think it costs about this much so I'll send around this much to cover it" But he does it with ALL OF THEM and its so stinkin cute I disintigrated. My second favorite goes to "The other Haruka" as you can imagine anything reminding me of the kids will be my favorite. This one is good for obvious reasons. As for a weaker substory, I really didnt care for "A knock on the door" Honorable mention to the series of substories with Yuya in them! This game was tragically the only one that didn't have Kazuki in it at all.
Saejima's were the weakest and here's why. Because you only get one chapter in his city area, all of them are incredibly fast. One of them is literally just briefly talking to a guy like ???. He does also have several substories on the mountain but they're more related to his side story so I dont really count them. Anyways, my favorite of his was easily "The Little Match Girl" I CRIED, listen im a sucker for the little match girl story and this was just really adorable. I also loved the substory where he dressed as Santa and had to escape a bunch of kids. His worst is probably that one where he just talks to that guy called "Snow Festival Performer". Mostly to set up the revelation.
Haruka wise, I liked any of her substories where she hung out with Akari, but my favorite overall was probably the one where she does the Okinawa magazine interview it was so cute and it made me wanna cri. Least favorite wise, I hated "starbound" it just felt meanspirited. Haha she's fat, grow up.
Akiyama had alot of fun ones. The best probably being either of the two where he DOES A DANCE BATTLE. It was fucking amazing. I also really enjoyed the "Quirky Idol" substory. I did not like "giving up on a dream" Akiyama was once again being mega weird and creepy, I hated that.
Shinada is much better in his substories then he is normally. My favorite's were "Daddy Papa" and "The Scoop Photo", that guy had crazy hair. I did not like the store clerk one because I am incapable of math.
And thats the substories! There's also the Tatsuya quests. Although I like Tatsuya and I made sure to do all of them, I don't think this was well executed. They dont feel very rewarding and taking Tatsuya to the resturaunts is really awkward, I wish they added like mini cutscenes of dialogue where each person got to know Tatsuya with every resturaunt encounter or something. But it wasn't that bad I hope I see him again.
As for the revelations, I am a huge fan of revelations in the Yakuza games. They cut back on them alot in this one sadly but at least we still got some. Also I know there were weapon revelations but I somehow found none of them so Im going to just talk about the normal ones. Well, more like rank them.
Saejima: This was funny in a looney tunes way, I loved it.
Haruka: Okay I hated the substory starbound but this was so stupid I couldn't help but lose it while watching.
Shinada: This was just really cool.
Akiyama: I can respect that performance
Kiryu: Althought I like the guy and respect the situation, the revelation in itself wasn't super memorable.
There you have it!
Lastly, the settings.
Yakuza 5 is wild because every character (except Akiyama) got their own unique area in the game, plus there is also Kamurocho. Saejima actually got TWO if not three if you count the prison. I found Kiryu's to be really lovely, it's probably my favorite honestly, at least out of the new ones. I felt like I really got a good feel of the place and it had such a relaxing atmosphere. Because of the slow nature of this part of the game, it really had time to develop a unique identity especially because Kiryu was so familiar with the locals. The mountain was a better setting for Saejima, I wish they just expanded the mountain rather then have him go to the city. Saejima's city, While I thought this area was my favorite beauty wise. we aren't there long enough and it feels to restrictive on where we can go. Satenbori felt like coming home and it was SO lovely and nice just like I remembered, no notes. Shinada's lacked alot of character. I actually thought it was Kamurocho for way too long because it looks so similar to it. Granted I get Japan can't look too different from well, Japan, it just struggled to stick out in my mind. It's unique feature was the large park area and that was pretty cool but I like never went over there. Lastly, Karmurocho is as lovely as ever, im amazed they still let me go underground even though we barely spend any time in the city, like there was no need for them to let me but they did and I appreciate it. Goodbye intricate rooftop access though, you will be missed. The Kamurocho hills additon made the whole place feel quite unfamiliar honestly. It was a strange feeling walking around it but I still thought it was pretty cool!
Did anyone have a favorite city we visited?
And that concludes my Yakuza 5 ramblings about everything other then the plot. If you read this AND part 1, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Im excited to discuss this game with people because I loved it alot! Feel free to comment on either post if you want to, otherwise I'll finally shut up.
8/10

I I guess I'm looking for validation that this is textbook, and I am looking at this correctly. I guess that is the effect of being gaslit - you don’t know your reality is really your reality. But I am here, and asking for help, because I will need to see him for the next 12 years (our kids go to the same school). This will be in passing and at events, but I am traumatized, still recovering, and just scared. I am looking for some insights because I spent about 2 months trying to fit my story into a box of emotional and narcissistic abuse…. But it's not that....I see that now. If you are able to share tidbits of knowledge, or point me in the direction of more clarity, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so so much.
I am going to write out the cliff notes. I imagine a lot of you can fill in the parts I leave out as from what I read on here, it’s typical.
I met him walking my kid to school. He walked the same way every day. Over time, we became friends, and I learned he was trying to leave his marriage. Once he did, the relationship happened fast – too fast. He seemed so 100 percent sure of me and it was odd. I often looked disheveled walking to school and tired….I am not sure what he saw in me. But, I felt sure of him too, but wanted to go slower. I tried to slow it down, but at the same time, didn't. I am responsible for that. I felt like a hamster on a wheel after a few weeks and was able to tell him that I need the weekdays for myself, for my work, and for my kid. He seemed to respect that.
But he often romanticized the first few weeks together....even in the last days.
Quickly, I started to notice the emotional dysregulation. There was a lot going on for him: moving out, going through the divorce, parenting, work….so I understood it. I was also still getting to know him. Then severe trauma responses and triggers started happening. They would lead to these large child-like reactions with a lot of tears and anger. I didn't understand it but knew enough to know he had trauma to work through, and perhaps was feeling it for the first time. Each time this happened, there was nothing I could say to help or get him out of it, he would blame me a lot and say I was the cause, and he expected me (without saying it) to be there for him 110% even though I couldn’t. And truthfully, I didn’t want to….I wanted him to be able to handle that for himself or realize it was an issue. I didn't have the tools to deal with it and suggested he try deeper therapy. He agreed.
When he first met with the therapist, she told him it is like a virus takes over his brain and he is convinced in those moments. That was music to my ears at the time. But that is the last time I felt that way.
After a few months of this cycle continuing, I started detoriating. First my mental health, and then my physical health. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like we couldn’t go a few days without him reacting to something small. I wrote in my journal many times “there's no amount of validation I can give this person.”
I didn't point it to excessive adoration and validation, I could not see that really, but if he texted me 5 things and I responded to all 4 logistical ones and ended with "love you too" I was chastised. If I was driving and did not respond to an “i love you,” I was called out for it. At the end of October, I told him I needed the weekend to clean my apartment. It happened to be 60 degrees that day and of course, I would have preferred to be outside, but I am an adult and could not blow off my commitment to myself to clean. That day he messaged me 18 times that me missed me. He kept inviting me out. I kept asking him to stop, because clearly I would prefer to do something else than clean, but needed to. The missing was excessive. I didn’t even know what he meant. We lived next door to eachother. That night, I had to work, and he was upset with me because to him, it was optional and I should have chose to see him.
There were so many moments when he wanted so much comfort I couldn't provide. We were both single parents. That kind of affection goes to my kid....and I couldn't give it to him in that way. He would even want the affection when he hurt me.
He would see my daughter freak out at me and then say that I don’t love her enough, and he would joke they are the same….
It wasn’t a joke?
As time went on, and his therapy went on, and he felt validated by the therapist, the blame came on more and never left. It started in August, and even when I'd get an apology, it would be for the impact (what I'm responsible for) and not his intent. He'd argue with me over seeing his intent clearly. I'd say I don't care about your intent, you're killing me. It didn’t matter, nothing did.
I never felt like we could repair any incidents. As the blame went on, I really questioned myself. I wondered if he was right. What if I don't love enough? What if I don't receive love well? I've been in therapy for 20 years and know I have limitations but I'm not an asshole…
I felt coerced a lot of the time.
I felt he wanted me to change a lot....he wanted me to be less blunt, more loving, more balanced, work less even though he was awful with money, have sex when sick, injured or mentally dead from the day, always be happy to see him, don't be affected by the trauma responses and don't try to talk to him about it, don't take space and if I do, prepare for some kind of punishment, love him and miss him endlessly, do everything together, if I am dysregulated, he wanted me to regulate with him….
I noticed I started taking precautions to keep myself dafe. I didn’t realize I was setting boundaries to prevent the abuse but I was. I’d say I was busy when I wasn’t. I wouldn’t accept or ask him to get me from the airport, knowing I would not be 100% happy after a flight and that would cause a fight (as it did). I didn’t ask for help, and when I did ask for help, I would expect the help to not happen. I did not communicate anything he did “wrong” (like, you said you would drop off quarters for laundry on monday….do you have them?)
There were a lot of moments we would have deep conversations and I felt like we were getting somewhere, that he heard me.
I'll fast forward to the end because this is already way longer than I wanted….and it’s sad that I know it could be so much longer.
In the last month, he reacted and blamed me for everything. There were at least 5 major incidents. After the last one, I told him I was done. It was really bad and left me spending $50 to uber home in the snow, when I could barley walk as is (I had a herniated disc in my back and could barley walk). That month, I lost health insurance, and after begging for time to just take care of the injury, he told me we need intensive couples counseling. I had asked to just continue our therapist until we could change. That wasn't enough. The next weekend he asked me to go to a Gottman weekend. I said I couldn't leave my kid to do that right now and needed to take care of my help.
After that snow episode, that was really bad, laced with blame in the unpacking, I said I'm done, I can't do it. I was crying uncontrollably. I was scared. I really did not know who I was speaking to. After an hour, right when I needed to leave, he snapped out of whatever mindset he was in and told me he'd do anything, that he would work on anything, to please stay. I had to go, I could not think anymore. So in desperation, the only thing I asked for was to go alone on a trip with my daughter. He was scheduled to come with us. I said I needed time just with her. He agreed.
And honestly, he held up his end of the bargain....until he didn't.
3 days before the trip everything fell apart. I worked 12 hours that day and at the end of the day, went to pour water in a cup at home. It was the only time we had together before I left for the week. He hugged me from behind while I was pouring the water (....remember herniated disc in my back). I asked him to please stop and just let me have a second to pour the water.
He said "there's no turning back from this" and got his stuff to leave. I was floored. I was so upset because I knew where this was going - the blame game. He left, wouldn't come back, and then continued to blame me for the next 2 days about how I was an asshole the days before, only spent time with him out of obligation (not true), and rewrote history. I had a stomach bug all weekend and could not eat, but still tried to hang out as much as I reasonably could, and that was not enough.
The water incident was Wednesday, Thursday he had therapy and reinforced the blame, and I ended up leaving without saying goodbye. It was a week. I wanted to believe this relationship could survive a week. But I was clear with him days before: I am working up until I need to leave Friday so I can have real time off with my kid. He was upset I did not find him to say goodbye, even though he made no attempt to make peace earlier. But of course, my fault.
That night, he claimed down. Was nice. But it was a trap. After 12 hours of him being nice in text he said he was only doing it hoping I felt remorse and realized how wrong I was. He told me over and over he wouldn't see it differently. He said he read the transcript of our texts to 2 therapists and his friends and it’s clear: I am wrong. May be important to name here that we are both in our late 30’s.
I said that I want to work this out and I'll talk when we can actually discuss it and I'm willing to hear his side but not willing to blindly take all responsibility. He nailed me on every response, telling me how wrong my response was and what I should have done differently.
I was with my kid and could not talk. When I said "why are you doing this now, you know I can’t really respond" he told me to stop avoiding.
That night, he ghosted me for the first time in the relationship and I panicked. I called him a few times. No answer.
The next day, despite him never doing that to me before, he called me controlling for calling.
At 7am the next morning he told me our relationship was over in a text. This man, who 7 days before was professing his love and understanding of me ended the engagement in a text. This of course continued with a back and forth. I asked him to please stop. To please pause and talk to me when i'm back in 5 days. He told me to fight for the relationship or it was over. I said “I am just waking up with my 7 year old, in a hotel, please stop.” I asked him to attend couples therapy in 3 days to talk this out. He said “you accept all responsibility and change your behavior or we are done.” I asked if he was willing to talk and he said the problem was my perception and that it's wrong, so unless I change we are done. I knew this wasn't ok but I was so blindsided I did not know what to do. He agreed to go to couples therapy Thursday. We barley talked. There were a few more messages of him telling me he needs to know I can live a drama free life and celebrate his love and see it all as beautiful (almost verbatim). At this point, all I wanted to do is keep the dial down. I pushed back saying, “I cannot teach my daughter that someone can just tell her that her emotions and feelings are wrong, I hope you will be willing to talk and we can get on the same page.”
He agreed to go to couples therapy, and then didn't show up. He texted me 10 minutes before saying he was not going. I begged and pleaded. But he had the couples therapist to tell me he wasn't going to go. He had her tell me. I lost it. I lost my mind. I had been reeling for days. Not sleeping. Putting on a fake smile all day with my kid while I was dying inside. Staying up late to cry, process, read, figure out wtf was going on…
I called him about 10 times and of course, he told me it was inappropriate. He then picked up and gave me 10 minutes. He again wanted me to take all responsibility for everything. I was so shaken, I just fawned. I said ok. When I'm back I hope we can talk but if you want me to accept blame for now, fine.
Everything was calmer for 2 days until we were heading back and he texted me something along the lines of "don't fool me" I was like wtf? He said "there's no turning back. There's no other chances." I was like wait what? And then it was "don't make me look like a fool" I had no idea what was going on. I was like "um what is this?" He essentially was reinforcing his stance: I am to blame for everything in the present and past. If I try to talk to him about his side I'm wrong. I need to repent and one wrong move (defined by him) is a misstep and there's no room for error (his words). I was like....I will be in a relationship based in reality, and I will own my part and parts, but i will not be in something that i'm to blame for everything. That is not healthy. I have also been in abusive relationships before.
He then stopped messaging me. Didn't care that we got into flight issues. Didn't care we made the flight back. That night he came over and was a victim. Claimed in the 5 days I was gone he found himself. That he wasn't focused at work because of me and now he is. He wanted to try to be together. I had no idea what reality I was in. We slept together. He left. And told me we'd talk the next day. All of this felt so weird but I was just hoping he would snap out of this and back to reality and we would be able to talk. But I also knew this had to end at this point.
The next day, he didn't answer me all day. This was the opposite of behavior I ever experienced from him. Did not respond to texts or pick up the phone. We had a training appointment and he had the trainer tell me he wasn't coming. I broke down in tears. I begged him to just answer a text. He didn't. He drove by me while walking the dog and did not stop. I emailed him, expressing my confusion, telling him this is not what we agreed to. He blocked me. That night I got an email from him letting me know he was moving 10 min away. He lived next door in another apt building. He actually assured me the day before he “was not going anywhere.” In that email, he listed out the calls and texts I sent and how inappropriate it was. He never said we were done. He said taking space, needing space…so in my head I was confused but see it now.
I was inconsolable. I didn’t respond.
But here is the issue I am still in: I needed to see him dropping his kid at school the next day. I will need to see him for the next 12 years unless I move.
The following Friday he stood next to me at a school event. I purposely stood in the back to have space and be able to leave if I needed to. He went next to me. When I told him he should sit, he said he didn't want to make it obvious to his ex wife. I asked him to speak that Friday. He said ok but he was moving. I cried instantly. Already? I said ok.
On Saturday am, I saw the truck pull up and left the house. I called him that Saturday. I was blocked.
The next wednesday he asked me for a series of logistics in a text. None of which I handled yet. Wanting me to cancel flights and settle up money spent together. No mention or responsibility for all the money wasted on tickets we will never use. But then…in the text, asked for my engagement ring back.
I responded to logistics. Not the ring
He then called me 3 hours later because something went really wrong in his legal case. He wanted me to understand and validate him. I did....I just turned off my feelings for a moment. At the end he said, so about the flights. Can you handle it? "If i cancel it for you and your son i also have to do it for me and my kid. It's all on the same reservation" "well if you can go and not make sexual advances on me then we can try to go together.” I was like wtf? I could not have sex for months due to my injury. But he wanted to. Was this way of setting up blame that if we DID sleep together I would be to blame? I was like “I will cancel it for all of us.”
He then ran down more logistics and I said honestly you didn't seem done. I don't understand what you're doing. He said "im done" i hung up the phone.
He asked me for the ring again that night in a text. I said no, I need time to process this.
Everything since then has been a transaction. If i have a genuine emotion, he gets upset that i have it at all. He continues to sit next to me at school events because he claims he does not want his ex-wife to think we are done (this is insane to me….). I realize now that if it is a “good” interaction he is happy. If I am sad, then it is a “bad” one.
He never told his son we broke up, and shamed me for telling my daughter.
Recently he asked me a question and I was annoyed, and he said "can you not be mad at me?" I said “no, I can't not be mad at you…”
In the last 3 months, he’s said "I don't want to confuse things" has come up a lot. I don’t know if he is saying that to me or himself.
I have been so stuck trying to understand how I could not take space at all from him, to being totally discarded. I know he went back to spending, and drinking, but I don’t think he is seeing anyone.
He only responds when he wants to. He ignores other things. I never was able to get an MRI for my back because the claim went through a DR he set up for me and he never sent me the info when I asked.
I got the money back he owed me, but still lost so much money.
He told me he missed me one time.
I don’t know who this person is.
I will have to see him for the next 12 years while the kids are in school unless I move. I am not going to move just to avoid him, but I need to heal so I can be strong enough. I don’t know if he is going to try to come back. I have been in therapy and am getting clearer about what brought me into this in the first place.
Any clarity you can help me with, on this, and what may come from here, would be really helpful. It will help me direct some of my searches and begin to piece things together to process in therapy. I have severe anxiety when I run into him at school.
I have never had to heal from something like this before. At first, I thought it was healing from a narcissistic discard….this feels like so much more.
Does it sound like he will want to come back?
Is there ever closure?

please share your thoughts!!!!!!!
alright, ive finished the game around a month ago but have spent the past month LIVING off of hl memes and ominis content, so i still remember most of the game vividly.
i think theres foreshadowing to a sequel, here's why:

• if you dont turn in sebastian and talk to him, he'll understand your pov on the goblins and listen. if you do hand him in, ominis will talk to him and report that this has only made him angrier (..for whatever reason). this made me curious, because, well, by the time you do this quest it should be almost endgame, hell for some people they do the 'in the shadow of the...' quests AFTER endgame. it just seems an odd detail to add rather than 'oh yeah i talked to sebastian and he understands and hes sorry, the end'. maybe the devs set this up for a conflict point in the future, if you hand him in, for a sequel (or more likely a dlc).

-anne sees what sebastian has done to solomon, and this deathly sick (!!!) girl runs away to... where, exactly? again we get conflict that hasnt been resolved.
-less glaringly important but we get almost nothing about ominis. in the house cup bit hes just sitting down despondently because hes just lost his only friend and has to go back to his abusive family, who used crucio on him. also, ominis is quite vague about said family. leaves an open space that can be filled in with a sequel, because i would actually give my right eye to learn more about the gaunts ;)
-the MOST obvious plot hole - sebastian, in his usual delusions, seems to convieniently forget our emotional undercroft heart-to-heart about 'ill use ancient magic to save anne', before he goes and harnesses the power of a dark relic that causes only desctruction. (i ADORE seb but ominis is just so much better im sorry ;-; )YES i know theres the whole 'theyll become husks with no emotion if you take away pain', but sebastian hasnt been TOLD that. for all he knows, WE are the answer!! but nooo he must control the inferi because he is a teenage edgelord and nobody understands him. so yet again, unresolved conflict that could be saved for another time!!
-another huge plot thing - i personally went mostly goodie-goodie (except the unforgivables because come on!) in my first playthrough as a slytherin (going as an evil gryffindor next, lol). so this means i left the power of the resevoir alone. BUT! i have seen playthroughs where the resevoir is taken for the players own personal gain. is there any difference?... ...literally no. which is just ??? so maybe in additional gameplay, we could learn to 'hone' whatever new skills this grants us (more sequel-worthy than dlc-worthy, imo.)
-more a dlc thing, but quidditch. need i say more?
my thoughts:
there is enough material here to make a worthy sequel.
not only did hl DESTROY its sales expectations (even with the boycott), its been so popular that it has a subreddit with over 300k people (thats where we are now weee), which is kinda insane for a 'spin-off' game.
they would be stupid NOT to make a sequel or dlc, considering the absolute bank they made from this one + they now know what people want, meaning the next game would be even better.
the plot could be-

• you start 6th year as normal. you'd probably be on the train because no special entrance for you! you're slumming it with the normies now. if youve handed sebastian in last game then hes not here and you can skip anything to do with him until i say so.

-if you didnt, seb is still here. he thanks you for all you've done, blah blah blah, and acknowledges the goblins innocence. hes worried sick for his sister who has ran away and wants to find her. you are dumb and havent learned your lesson (duh), so no matter what you say he'll convince you to help once you've found your feet in sixth year.
-ominis walks into your compartment. he looks terrible. you ask him if he's alright and he slips some gaunt lore about his family and on their.. ideas of fun, because come on i have a mad obsession with this dude, and if im the one writing this plot, we're getting ominis angst, suck it up. if youve handed in sebastian, itll just be you two. there'll be a train cutscene and boom, you're at school.
-this is where it gets tricky.
IF youve handed in sebastian. he'll be in prison. youll probably get some angsty moments and npc quotes along the lines of 'he seemed like such a good kid'.
if you HAVENT handed him in, the story gets weird, because a) more awkward time with seb because hes free and 2) he knows the goblins are mostly good. the actual hl doesn't have this big of a rift, so its hard to say what happens. however, its good because it gives us loads of choice, the lack of which in hl caused a lot of complaints.
-if he's in prison, sebastian escapes,(not azkaban, gotta keep with the canon. maybe because he is a minor he is sent to a lesser facility.) still blaming the goblins and holding such a hatred for them now that in his eyes, they escaped punishment and that it's his job to kill them all while extorting the cure for anne OR finding us to cure her.
-if he's free, we can either have a storyline of him NOT learning his lesson and maybe going to prison then instead of after he commits uncle-cide (dark magic go brr, because sister is gone) or some other storyline that would be more about our magic (!) and ominis' story.
-for the latter to happen, we'd have to have taken the resevoir's power. OR we can make up a rowling-worthy excuse of 'well MC was exposed to the resevoir power for too long so even though they left it alone it still diffused into them or something! [happy]'. i honestly dont know, this is why i want YOUR THOUGHTS!!!
-to make the selection pool shallower, lets go with the excuse. this will allow us to have seb's story, our magic story and also some ominis story (i am obsessed.)
-whether seb escapes or is already free matters, but in the end its the same result - hes not in prison. the only difference is that free seb doesnt hate goblins, and isnt on the run, and vice versa for escapee seb. both want to find anne and cure her. both now remember you have the capacity to do so (but they dont know about the taking-away-pain-turns-them-into-living-husks thing).

• we could go with the 'find escapee seb and convince him we're right and he believes us and everything goes back to normal' route, but boring.

-maybe escapee seb finds us, and ropes us into the same 'help-me-find-anne' crap free seb does to us on the train. yes, that means we dont have a choice, but there has to be SOME adventure. the goblin-hatred would def play in somehow - its too specific of a thing to include in the endgame to just leave it be like that! maybe his hatred causes him to do unforgivable things to some innocent goblins and he has a 'mAyBe Im ThE mOnStEr' epiphany moment, who knows. maybe it ties in to something bigger.
-the main story would then be along those lines. im still brainstorming the climax and ending but nobodys gonna read this anyway lmfao
-main quests would consist of lessons, sebastian-is-a-little-too-obsessed-with-anne-quests, and honing our magic.
-side quests would be mainly ominis-centric regarding his family/the gaunts, with a decent lot of poppy and garreth. we've already resolved natty's entire life at this point tbh💀💀💀.
-id like to think there's a happy ending. idk what will happen to escapee sebastian, will he go to prison or not?? this is literally the equivalent of a crackfic in my head, i WAS NOT expecting to write this much when i started writing this.
SO AGAIN GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS. PLEASE. ON EVERYTHING FROM THE PLOT TO MY SEQUEL THEORIES TO FEATURES AND INCONSISTENCIES. THANK YOU!!
nowww some features!:

• quidditch, because yes
• morality systems would be a bit null here considering we're literally helping an escaped convict. but uh, we can try! just, like, dont cast the unforgivables everywhere you go ;)
• friendship systems with all side quest characters. like going from ehhh... to hellooo! with a side character would be awesome. the one thing hogwarts MYSTERY of all things got right was this.
• friendship and enmity systems BETWEEN characters, like, every sebastian needs their ominis ok. plus i want to help ominis bully puffskien dunkein I BEG, you cant tell me they dont have some rivalry going on ;-;

-romance? idk, not a romance person, this is for you sebastian fangirls to figure out for yourselves
-prejudice. literally what made harry potter, harry potter. there is like ONE audio with a negative view towards muggle-borns, and ONE that uses the word mudblood to my knowledge. everyone's just ok with everyone now? do malfoys and other death-eater's grandaddies not go to school here??? hello??????? this could and SHOULD be a topic for discussion in game or maybe even a side quest or side quest chain.
-extra but when/if seb escapes it should be on the daily prophet that ominis will show us in the undercroft or smth, i dunno
inconsistencies with my plot:

• loads of things havent been planned out. this is like a professional crackfic. (still has better plot than the cursed child though lets be honest :3 )
• everyone is easily convinced 'oh ok lets find your sister even though youre a dangerous escaped convict!'. sorry.

-itll be hard to mash everything in. but a half-assed plot is still a plot <:
-since its a continuation of 5th year, we already know many spells. there arent many useful ones left. HOWEVER!!! we can consult the fandom spell page, take offensive spells and stat boost them more than the 5th year ones >:) ALSO YOU LEARN ABOUT DARK ARTS IN 6TH YEAR, SO. ominis is not gonna have a fun time with those ones 💀
-because we'll be searching for anne, like the actual hl game, less school time, :( sorry
-everyones just ok with us disappearing (if seb is an escapee). someone should pull a hermione and go 'hmm, MC starts disappearing shortly after sebastian escapes, and they never say what they're doing.'
probably ominis or poppy because a) favouritsm on my part and b) ominis knows us best and i headcanon poppy as knowing us well and knowing the dark arts and how theyre used a tad bit more than she gets credit for.

• since this wouldve been 5th and 6th year covered, it would be expected for a 7th year to happen. naturally, i have exhausted all my 3 brain cells writing this, so screw it, 7th year doesnt need to exist right now. i havent even figured out all of 6th.

-loads of other things i havent seen, SO

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SHARE THOUGHTS, THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR TO WRITE AND I ONLY WROTE IT TO SEE WHAT PEOPLE THINK! TYSM. (I SHOULDNT HAVE WRITTEN THIS, I HAVE FINAL EXAMS TOMORROW 💀)

youre all amazing yayayayayaya

I met Luna on a train two years ago. I’d just escaped from a toxic relationship, so romance was the last thing on my mind, but then she sat across from me in the carriage and asked about the book I was reading. She had a copy in her bag and wanted to know if it was any good.
I'd never felt such an instant, effortless connection with anybody before. I took a chance and asked her to dinner, and by the time the waiters cleared away our desserts, I already felt comfortable being vulnerable around her. So we went on a second date. And a third. And next thing I knew, we were planning our second anniversary.
In all that time she never gave off any 'creeper' vibes. Until a few months ago, when I stayed the night over at her place...
She'd gotten up early to use the bathroom. I grabbed her laptop off the side desk so I could catch up on some work e-mails, and the incognito tab was just sitting there. My first thought was: either she's having an affair or she's got a secret fetish.
What I found instead was a Google account with a photo album called ‘Michael’s EX’. In it, there were 427 photos of my former girlfriend turned psycho stalker, Sadie. This included shots of ‘Sadie the stalker’ with her family, screenshots of her passport—the works. On Facebook, Sadie's latest post said Moving to the Philippines, and since then she’d become a social media church mouse, so how did Luna keep her under surveillance? And how did you even get PERSONAL ID from a person halfway across the globe?
Down the hall, I heard the bathroom door swing open. Quickly I closed the laptop and pretended to be asleep until Luna planted a kiss on my lips. “Wakey wakey Bugs.”
I faked a stretch. “Morning Lola."
(At school, the other kids christened me ‘Bugs’ because of my cartoonishly large front teeth; I called Luna ‘Lola’ because of her blonde bangs and heart-shaped face.)
“How about we grab a fry for breakfast?” Her smile didn’t seem genuine, more like she was wearing a mask.
“Crap. I forgot I’m doing overtime today, I’ve gotta get to work.” With that, I shot out of there faster than a bullet train to Tokyo.
Because I didn’t wanna believe the worst about someone I cared so deeply about, I didn’t contact the police (not that anybody could’ve guessed what Luna was up to) and made excuses whenever she asked to meet, delaying the decision whether to end our relationship.
At night, I couldn’t sleep. Every time a hedge rustled outside, I’d run to the window and pull back the curtain only to discover a black cat skulking around the garden. I put this down to my previous relationship leaving me with a mountain of unresolved PTSD.
Sadie the stalker also seemed normal until we moved in together. After that she started picking fights if she caught me talking to another woman, even just distant relatives or childhood friends. The screaming matches went from weekly to nightly, only ever ending when I conceded to her every wish and gave her full access to my phone and social media accounts. I literally needed to grab my clothes into a bag and run away one night, and then I started hearing noises outside my new apartment. And although I never found any evidence, I was pretty sure she’d broken in at one point because the books on my side table were suddenly out of order one day. What hurt the most was Luna knew all this and still acted the way she did.
Right as I reached my lowest point, my close friend Gertrude called and said, “The universe is telling me you could use a sympathetic ear.”
I told her the universe didn’t know the half of it.
I’d met Gertrude—aka my surrogate mother—on a flight to London. Passing over Wales the aircraft hit heavy turbulence, and the grey-haired hippie in the seat next to mine squeezed my hand so tight that my fingers turned blue. After we levelled off, she apologized and said, “So what’s calling you to London?”
“A job.”
A few glasses of wine from the service trolley later, she blurted out, “You know your aura is strikingly similar to my husbands.”
“Uhh, thanks. Where is he now?”
“Oh, he burned to death in a house fire.”
Gertrude’s eyes started welling up. To take her mind off the subject, I said, “I lied earlier. I’m going to London because I fell in love with a Londoner.” I pulled up pictures of Sadie (back in her pre-stalker days) on my phone. “We met in Italy. She looked flustered trying to read a map book so I offered to help. Next thing I knew, we were planning a trip to this place called Orvieto.”
“Michael, I need to know how this story ends. Gimme your number.”
Since then, we’d met two or three times a year.
I laid the whole mess out over pizza. It was the first time since finding the Google account I didn’t feel hidden eyes crawling all over me.
Just as I wrapped up the story, over in the corner booth, a family burst into a chorus of happy birthday. A waiter appeared carrying a chocolate cake, capped by a giant candle that looked more like a flare. Gertrude tensed up.
“So what do you think about all this?” I asked.
She looked back at me and said, “It’s possible your reaction has been a touch on the dramatic side.”
“DRAMATIC??”
“Well consider things from Luna’s point of view. Your last relationship lasted for, what, three years? Maybe she felt threatened.”
“I don’t believe this.” I grabbed a cigarette from my pocket, but Gertrude snatched it away.
“You know how I feel about you poisoning your lungs, Michael.”
“Don’t you start. I got enough of that crap from Luna.”
Gertrude always encouraged me to work through my romantic problems. Ultimately, I decided her love of fairytale romances clouded her judgement and ghosted Luna instead. But I couldn’t escape her shadow. She always felt close. In fact, it got so bad that at a friend’s costume party several weeks later, my eyes kept compulsively scanning the crowd as if she was there in disguise, ready to pounce.
I stood off to the corner until, over the sea of heads, I spotted a beautiful stranger dressed as Jarlath the Goblin King. I took a shot of liquid courage and made a B-line towards her.
Halfway across the crowded room, beer splashed across the front of my Ziggy Stardust outfit.
“I am so sorry,” a female pirate said, patting me dry.
“Don’t worry about it.” Every time I tried circling her, she moved to cut me off.
“I am such a klutz. Why don’t you come into the kitchen so I can clean up this mess?”
I put my hands on her shoulders and steered her out of the way. “It’s fine. Trust me.”
Approaching Jarlath from behind, heart slamming against my chest, I said, “Well this is awkward. One of us is gonna have to change.”
Jennie had bright blue eyes and dimples impossible to miss. Ten minutes into our debate about David Bowie’s greatest album, I said, “You know Absolute Bowie are playing the Half Moon next week. I could take you?”
“Sorry. I’m going with my boyfriend,” she said with a sympathetic smile. From beside the buffet table, the pirate stared daggers in our direction.
“No worries,” I replied, despite the fact I was brimming with jealousy.
The next day, as I jogged off my hangover, a brown-haired lady cut across my path and we both went spinning to the ground.
“Flip, sorry.” I rushed to pull her up by the hands. “I’m like a bloody zombie lately.”
She did a doubletake. “Ziggy, right?”
There was no mistaking those eyes. “Jarlath?”
“Well, Jarlath or Jennie. Eithers fine.”
“Right. Well, sorry again. Enjoy Absolute Bowie.”
Before I could jog away, she said, “Hey, so that guy I was seeing? Turns out he’s a total prick.”
Jennie and I went for coffee. Coffee morphed into drinks. Drinks morphed into a steamy make-out session on my sofa.
But as she covered my neck in soft kisses, my stomach turned. It felt like cheating. So, I put the brakes on things and said, “I can’t do this. I’m really sorry. You’re amazing, but I just got out of a serious relationship…and…it’s just…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.”
We agreed we’d let our connection blossom in its own time.
Jennie had a playful mystique to her. Within a handful of dates, we’d developed inside jokes and could tell what the other was thinking. But Luna’s imprint was hard to shake, to the extent I almost mixed up the two ladies’ names multiple times.
To detox, I suggested Jennie and I spend a romantic weekend in the Lake District, because after two days of hiking and kayaking my ex would no doubt be a spec in the rearview mirror.
Hours before we set off, however, Luna’s mom called. She wanted to meet and wouldn’t accept any excuses.
“Look, it’s obvious why I’m here,” she said, sitting across from me in Starbucks. “Ever since you and Luna broke up, she’s been acting…different.”
“Different? Different how?”
“I call but she hardly answers. I go over to her place but she’s never there. Now she’s telling me she needs to find herself. Says she’s moving to Australia.”
Her fingers tightened around her cup. “I need to know what happened between you two. And I don’t care if that paints anybody in a bad light. I’m just worried about my daughter is all.”
I told her about the Google account.
“Did you confront her about it?”
“Hell no. I ghosted that crazy bitc—” I cleared my throat. “I mean, I just…stopped seeing her.”
She started crying so loudly customers at nearby tables paused their conversations. I touched her forearm, promised I’d call if I remembered anything else, then set off for my romantic weekend.
But while Jennie and I enjoyed all that fresh air and pub food, a thought nagged at me. Luna adored London, so why move to Australia? It seemed so out of character. Back at our rented cottage, I was so fixated on the thought I needed a smoke, badly.
“What the hell is that?” Jennie demanded, as she stepped onto the front deck.
I glanced at my hands. “Uhh, a cigarette.”
“Michael! Don’t be sarcastic. You know how I feel about those things.”
“…Do I?”
“Uhh, well it’s the same as anybody else. Quit poisoning your lungs and put that thing out.”
“Alright alright, geeze. Sorry Luna.”
“That’s okay.”
A knot formed in my stomach as she went back inside. I’d called Jennie Luna by mistake. And she hadn’t noticed. In fact, her reaction to me smoking was identical to Luna’s—even the snappy way she said the ‘poison your lungs’ line.
I followed Jennie into the lounge, where she’d curled up on an armchair with a Colleen Hoover novel. She was hiding something. What else did she know about Luna? Maybe I could trick her into revealing some details…
From behind, I started massaging her shoulders. “Sorry for being rude before. I know what you said came from a place of love.”
“That’s okay.”
I waited until her eyes drooped shut, then said, “It really is perfect here, huh? Maybe we should stay forever.”
“Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
Her little groans of pleasure, the rhythm of her breathing, it all felt so familiar. I waited until the tension in her neck dissolved, then I pushed my lips against her ear and whispered, “So how about we take this into the bedroom…Lola.”
“Hmm. Sure thing Bugs.”
My hands froze. Jennie jumped up. “Uhh, that felt so good, why’d you stop?”
“What did you just say?”
“What did you just say?”
“I called you Lola,” I replied, my arms frozen in midair. “And you called me bugs.”
“Like the cartoon, right? I thought it’d be a cute nickname. Anyway, I’m tuckered out.” She forced a yawn. “Why don’t we get some sleep?”
As her hand laced with mine, an image of me waking up drugged and gagged and tied to the bedposts flashed before my eyes.
I said, “Sure. I just…need to use the bathroom first.”
The second the door shut behind me, I flew out of the house, climbed in my car, and sped away.
Within seconds my phone started blowing up with calls, followed by texts. Where are you going? Is everything okay?
No, I wanted to reply. I’m onto your sick little game. Whatever it is, I’m onto it.
Luna stalked my stalker, now Jennie somehow knew Luna and I’s nicknames. How? Did all women take turns drawing straws and whoever picked the short one needed to become my girlfriend?
I couldn’t go home. For all I knew, my exes would’ve been there burning effigies of me. I needed a safe place. Somewhere I could lie low until I got all this straightened out.
“Of course you can stay,” Gertrude said over the phone. “I’m out with some friends, but I’ll meet you later. If you hop the side gate there’s a spare key under the kissing gnomes out back.”
Gertrude lived in a detached house in Wembley. It took a bit of foraging to find the gnomes hidden beneath the weeds in the brown, patchy garden.
I needed to shoulder the door open. Inside, a mountain of letters and flyers had piled up on the welcome mat.
Down the hall, a huge archway connected the landing with a lounge, where a bar sat against the far wall, surrounded by upholstered sofas, a low table, and tie dye sheets strung over the filthy carpet. Everything had a real elegant vibe, despite the musty air.
I’d drained two glasses of whiskey before Gertrude arrived.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough evening.”
I said we could talk in the morning.
“Not a chance. You can’t take negative energy to bed. Come on, confession is good for the soul.”
She sat on the sofa and patted the empty seat next to her. So, with a weary sigh, I shared a tale of deranged exes.
“Crazy,” she said.
“I sure can pick ‘em, huh?”
“No, I mean you’re crazy.”
“What?”
“Think about it. What’s more likely: that your ex’s are secretly in collusion, or you’re being paranoid? Look how bloodshot your eyes are. When’s the last time you got a good night’s rest?”
She made a great point; teenagers on the street occasionally shouted ‘Bugs’ or ‘Thumper’ at me. Jennie might’ve come up with the nickname herself. I pinched the bridge of my nose, groaning.
“Look, sleep here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll brainstorm ways you can make it up to Jennie.”
I fumbled through my pockets for a cigarette.
“Really?” Gertrude said. “If you insist on poisoning your lungs, can you at least do it away from my home?”
“Well if I can’t smoke, I’m gonna need a refill.” I shook my empty glass.
On my way toward the bar, a wave of wooziness hit me. My first instinct was to blame it on the alcohol, but there was something else.
It was her reaction to the cigarette. My finger ran through the thick layer of dust along the bar’s countertop. Why was it like the place had been abandoned? Why did Gertrude always pressure me to stay with my psycho girlfriends? And how come she always reached out, as if on cue, whenever my relationships hit problems? It couldn’t be coincidence…
I poured two glasses of whiskey and carried them to the sofa. “So, you’re really against the whole smoking thing, huh?”
“Of course. It’s a filthy habit.”
“Yeah. Plus, there was that mess with your husband. House fire, right?”
“I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Sure, sure.” I ignited the lighter with a roll across my trouser leg.
Gertrude grabbed a cushion and hugged it. “What are you doing?”
“Alright, cut the crap. What the hell’s going on? Have you been sending your friends to date me?”
“What are you talking about?”
I wrestled the cushion from her and held the lighter beneath it. “I want an explanation right now or I’m torching this place.”
This was an empty threat. I wasn’t some pyromaniac—I just wanted answers. Inch by inch, I raised the flame. “Last chance. Why are the women in my life acting weird?”
Gertrude grabbed for the lighter. As I swatted her wrists away, we both got scorched, and for a moment her skin went wild with spasms, a sensation I can only compare to reaching inside a bucket of wet, writhing maggots. My gaze whipped between her face and her hands, which vibrated like plucked guitar strings.
Before I could scream, she yanked me up, clamped a cold, wrinkled palm across my mouth, and forced me against the wall. I thrashed around, unable to move. For a lady old enough to collect a pension, she was crazy strong.
She waited until I ran out of breath, then said, “Michael, please. I’m not going to hurt you. Open your heart and listen.”
What else could I do?
“You were right before. I have been keeping a secret from you. The truth is, I’ve been in love with you since we met. I’d never flown before. And you were so so sweet. You started talking about this other woman, but I knew our energies were perfect for each other. And it’s like I always say, love makes us do crazy things. You can’t begrudge me that can you?”
She looked as if she expected me to respond, so I shook my head.
“But I think we’ve reached a point where our connection is so deep we can be completely transparent with one another.” She took a slow, steady breath. “Michael, all your ex’s, Luna, Sadie, Jennie. They’ve all been…well, me.”
I stared at her, confused.
She sighed. “It’ll be easier if I just show you.”
Out of nowhere her hand wriggled again, then her face tightened, as though the skin was being stretched over the bone. Wrinkles smoothed out and colour bled into her grey hair, turning it brown, and within seconds I found myself face-to-face with Jennie. Even her vintage clothes morphed into a green blouse and white slacks.
“See?” she said in Jennie’s voice, her now blue eyes locked on mine.
I screamed into the soft flesh of her palm.
“Sssh, it’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Watch.”
Her entire body jerked and twitched, the muscles spasming as she shifted from Jennie to Luna. “See? Think of these as costumes”—from Luna to Sadie—"the important thing is what’s underneath. And you’ve fallen in love with what’s underneath three times. Now I’m going to let go, but I need you to promise you won’t overreact. Understand?”
On the verge of a panic attack, I nodded furiously.
The second she pulled away I made a break for the exit. The thing posing as Sadie grabbed me and hurled me backwards against the wall.
Like a disappointed teacher, she put her hands on her hips. “I’ve been so patient with you, Michael. So very, very patient.”
She blocked off any hope of escape. I sidestepped around the outer edge of the room, towards the bar.
“All those years moulding you. Trying to grow you into the man I know you can be. I really thought we had it this time. For the record, I wanted to do this the easy way. But drastic times...”
I was so scared I slammed right into the cabinet and yelped. Glass bottles chattered together, and then something wet ran down the back of my shirt. It was whiskey, leaking from the overturned bottle onto the carpeted floor.
Speaking more to herself now, Gertrude said, “I’ll just have to keep you here until you love me as much as I love you. Of course, that means posing as you so nobody gets suspicious, but that’s no trouble. I’ll tell your dad you’re moving to Italy. You always loved Italy.”
Pose as me? She'd been killing my ex's and taking their place, I was just the latest in a long line. She’d keep me as a personal sugar baby if I didn’t escape, but how? She was impossibly strong, and the only thing that seemed to scare her was…
Snatching the bottle, I doused the remaining whiskey all over the carpet and furniture. As I flicked the lighter open, Sadie’s hands shot up.
“Bugs…darling…what are you doing?”
I took three slow, steady breaths. “Breaking up with you, you crazy bitch.”
I tossed the lighter forward. Within seconds flames sprung up all around us, spreading as far as the sofa. Sadie’s shoe caught fire, and as she stamped around, unintentionally fanning the blaze, her body writhed again, starting with the ankles. Fat boils climbed up every inch of exposed skin, milky white and with the consistency of frog spawn, like she’d had a killer allergic reaction to poison ivy.
She dropped to her knees, wailing like a wounded animal. This was my chance.
I made a break for the exit, giving the creature as wide a berth as possible. But as I got one foot planted in the hall something clamped tight around my ankles. My chin hit the floor, then I started sliding backwards.
I twisted onto my back. Where Sadie’s left arm should’ve been, a tentacle-like appendage stretched across the length of the room, a distance of over twenty feet. It reeled me toward her like a fish on a line. Whatever that thing was no longer looked human. It melted like an ice statue, with no bones or connective tissue inside, its lips nose and mouth becoming hideously elongated before dripping off in huge globs like melted candlewax. A fire alarm started wailing as the tentacle dragged me through the flames, scorching my arms and legs.
The loose mass of skin reached out and encased me like a mother bird sheltering its eggs.
“WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?” all my ex’s voices screamed at once. Whichever direction I looked, silhouettes of faces rose and fell, as if trying to burst through. Parts of them dripped inside my mouth, disgustingly warm with a bitter taste worse than Vaseline.
I put everything into clawing my way out if there. What was left of the beast had the consistency of wet clay and came apart just as easily. I tore away chunks until there was a hole large enough to squeeze through. Then, I crawled along surrounded by black smoke.
At the far side of the room I risked a glance back and saw a bumpy, uneven hand reaching out of a puddle of ooze. Soon I was crawling over the bristly welcome mat, then fumbling for the door. All I remember after that are paramedics wrestling me into an ambulance…
A specialist officer came to see me at the hospital the next morning. They’d been unable to contact the homeowner, Gertrude Huyton, and through his line of questioning I could tell they hadn’t found her ‘remains’ inside the charred house. Like the wicked witch of the West, my stalker had melted. I told the officer she said I could stay the night, and that I probably started the fire by dropping a cigarette.
“In that case, we’ll keep trying to reach her.” He walked to the curtain surronding my bed and paused. “Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, her cat is missing.”
“Her...cat?”
“Yeah. The little black one. One of the firemen pulled it out of the wreckage. The poor thing had burns over its legs but it ran off before anybody could take it to the vet.”
I swallowed a gulp and thanked him for telling me.
And now I’m still sitting here listening while nurses rush back and forth, terrified any one of them might be Gertrude…

~Player always get better or cooler reward for helping other~
Player race - fiver options for customization
Ghoul
No radiation damage + slow regeneration + npc more mefiant and discrimination
Glowing ghoul =
No radiation damage + slow regeneration + npc shoot on sight need to convinced them you’re sane
Super mutant =
No radiation damage + Npc are scared and treat you like an idiot and discriminate
Synthétique =
The compount will hunt you down eventually
Human = no malus or bonus

Character background :
Ghoul / glowing ghoul : Old ghoul ; new ghoul ; vault
Human : Vault ; settler ; brotherhood ; institute
Super mutant: amnesiac
Synthétique : Railroad ; Mister handy (Miss nanny) Old, new, vault.
START
New arrivant decided to etablished themselves in an old farm close to the local town and become farmer.
First objectif :
- rebuilt home by scavenging in delapited town

• scavenging town to find seed (First seed of the player)
  
• Scavenging town to find gardening tool
  

Mechanics

Upgrade house by collecting enough scavenging material (metal, stone, tape, glue, etc…) and paid the town entrepreneur to do so.
Possibility to upgrade town by the same way : drinkable water ; defense ; radio tower ; museum ; school ; etc…
Defend home from wild attack (animal, raiders, super mutant, ect…) with gun and eventually autonomous turrets (later game) and engage mercenary to defed (late game). The more the player amass money, the more frequent the attack will be.
Scavenger will gossip about big event and some minor event that occurred in the settlement that you participated in.
Settlement gestion :

• Happiness (Festival ? ; npc request ; …)
  
• Sanitaire (Water access)
  
• Defense (Millitia ; autonomous turrets ; dogs)
  

Thirst gestion.
Can recolt skin, meat (and bones?) of wild animal.
Can recolt material, used to very used weapond, (rarely) health item, (meat and corpse body parts?) on intelligent humanoïds ennemy
Carrying can either be by weight of the item or by the number of item player can carry.

Farming

Season : Spring (middle season) ; Summer (high season) ; Automn (middle season) ; Winter (low season)
Tool: Hoe ; Scynthe ; Watering can ; Pickaxe hamme
Base crop value vs transform product :
Spring : -- ++
Summer : --- +++
Automn : ++ --
Winter : +++ ---

Can sell crop and other to nearest settlement (help with settlement relationship at first) or to traveling marchant.
The river close to your home have fish in it. It take two day for fish to repopulate. If seasonal fish have all be take out, it will take two years
Can raise different mutated animal. Sell them to the town for meat (or kill them and sell them yourself ?) or keep them alive for animal product. (Animal have life span?)
Transform product : Wine ; beer ; jelly ; dried spice,meat, fish ; cheese ; mayo ; butter
Farm building :

• Coop and barn
  
• Forge to fix used weapon
  

- Wind mill

• Food storage (?)
  
• Money storage (no bank, credit card or debit card. Need to carry in your inventary the money life in fallout)
  

Crop seed that can be found in the town :

• Potato
  
• Melon
  
• Wheat
  
• Corn
  
• Carrot
  
• Gourd
  

Seed you can buy for traveling marchants :

• Spice seed (basilic ; persil; etc..)
  
• Fruit seed
  
• Legume seed
  

( - Flower and house plant seed ? (Aloes??))

Fight

No power armor for the player :(
Can buy stimpack and radaway from settlement healer or from scavenger in the town (for a more expensive price). When reach high enough relationship with healer, he will give you the recipe for both. The only way to regain life and get rid of radiation (sleep and food don’t heal). (Sickness (malus) if health too low for too long?)
Gain radiation by drinking
The main fight zone of the game is the town. In the edge : house, a small commerce (tiny to small dungeon) ; Closer to the center: Office, appartement (small to medium dungeon) ; Center : Commercial center, sky scrapper, (subway?) (normal to big dungeon.
Some raiders and some synth will drop their weapons and beg for their life if the health is low enough. Spare enough of them and you will receive letter from either : the minuteman ; the brotherhood or the railroad to thank you for sending more recruit their way. Two or three will regularly visit town.

Relationship

Can get a dog as a perm. Companion (can choose race?) (Can breed you dog and gitf puppy to the settlement?)
Npc relationship possible bonus :
- Discount (from marchant)
- Recipe
- Special cut scene
- (Sometime) help on the farm

• (Sometime) help to defend the farm

Some npc love receving gift other will be inconfortable with it. But after (wedding?) no adverse reaction to receive gift.

• 2 gift a week
  
• 1 gift a month (After the first gift wil react more and more incomfortable, will start to lower relationship)
  

MAX : 2 gift a week
Might meet some settler in the edge of the town, scavenging like you.
Cause of relationship decay :

• Unlike gift
  
• (for some) offer to many gift
  
• 1 month with no interraction
  
• Answer choice
  
• Attacking townie (unkillable)
  
• Question choice
  

There’s a vault “near” the settlement. Gain their trust by doing quest (# depend on race of the player). Once they trust you and when you become mayor, they will become full allied and allow circulation between their vault and the settlement.
Romanceable npc
- # Ghoul

• Robot (Synth and miste handy (miss nanny)

• Super mutant

• Settler

- 1 Traveling npc
Special romance
- Mysterious stranger (need 10 Luck and insert condition)
Will randomly pop out of your house and pop back in. Will tell you about a lone wanderer, courrier or vault survivor he helped. Will come to your help in combat with baby in hand (if kid in the game)

• intelligent deathclaw (insert conditions)

Rival ? Date ?
If there’s kid in the game
Player will be able to have two kids. (Hatchling deathclaw will count as one if in a relationship with Deathclaw).
If player or spouse can’t have a kid (Super mutant ; ghoul ; Synth); player will get a quest about a raider camp in town. Discover all prisoner are dead except one human baby hidden by the body of his dead mother.
Quest reward : Congradulation you are a parent :D
If player can have kid; if spouse is a women, player will have to catter to their wife food craving (nothing with rare item) or face a penality in the relationship. If player is a women ; Malus in health, energy, slower deplacement and carrying capacity decrease the more and more the pregnancy advance. New choice of answer : pissed as fuck and hormonal. Spouse will insist to become a companion until end of pregnancy
Kid will go to school (town upgrade) for three day, help on the farm for three other and have a free day.

Stats

Strenght : carrying capacity (?) ; combat ; energy ; health ; defense
Perception : detect ennemy ; scavenging ; npc interraction
Endurence : health ; energy ; resistance
Charisma : batter ; persuasion ; Npc weariness ; # limit of resident npc in settlement
Intelligence : crafting farm upgrade (fertilizer ; spinkler) ; used weapon fixing
Agility : sneak ; weapon ; defense
Luck : loot quality ; gambling (?) ; crit chance (max starting points : 5)

Skill

Tree skill style possibility : Path of exile ; Outer world
Farming: Tilling - Watering
Fight: Heavy weapons- Light weapons- Melee
Defence : Dodge - Block
Stealth: Sneak- Lockpick - Hack
Endurance : Poison resistance - Radiation resistance - Thirst resistance
Persuasion: Batter - Intimidation - Persuation (?)
Scavenging : Deconstruct - Descerning eyes
Thinkering : Crafting - Engineering - Medecine
(Upgrade skill to upgrade stat? Once you upgrade a skill enough, it allow you to upgrade the stat?)

Quest :
Attempt murder on the player by the mayor once town upgrade and settler relationship high enough. Scare that they would lose their place to you to engage mercenary or try to poison you to keep their place. Force the mercenary to tell you who paid them or find a note on one of them or talk to the mayor after the attack (will be surprise to see you alive). You can :
- Bring him to justice and let the settler decide of his fate. (Will be possible to talk to him in prison)
- Execute him (will have to prove to the settler that this was auto-defense. Lose some relationship with settler)

• Let him life (will leave town. Grateful to be alive but bitter to have lose his title)

Result : Become mayor next election!
Raides have created a camp close to the settlement. Remove them. Player will find two npc in cage. You can :

• Let them there

-Help them out
-Kill them inside the cage
Result :

• They die
  
• Will eventually die of thirsth
  
• Will come to the town and become settlers
  

You’ve find a mister handy (or miss nanny) in the town. Why not fix them?
Result : They will propose you to help you on the farm. Accept and they’ll start working the day after. Refuse and they’ll becom settler. (Possibility to make them synth when relationship high enough?)

Find a sorry scene : deadraiders; a dead deathclaw; a nest with two crushed egg a one intact egg. You can :

• Sell the egg
  
• Eat the egg
  

-Hatch the egg
Result :

• Money
  
• Bost in one stat? Level upgrade?
  
• Get a baby deathclaw. Will be able to switch with you dog as perm companion. (If romanced the deathclaw, you spouse will leave with the hachtling for a season. When back the hatchling statut will change from animal to children and gain dialogue)
  

The river close to your house is drying. Discover the reason. The river goes into a cavern and to a lake.
Result : new fish
There’s a thirsthy and hungry homeless man at the edge of the settlement. You can :
-Give him food and water for a week
-Let him there
-kill him
Result :
-They get back on their feet and eventually open an inn in town. Will sometime offer you free drink an talk to you about stranger he hepled by following your exemple.
-They will slowly die an talk with more and more difficulty. (Which led to kill him)
-Burry him and make a small tomb or let him root there. Will get eaten by wild animal.

Guiding an injured npc to the town
Result :??

The settlement don’t have enough food for the winter and ask for your help. You can :

• Refuse
  
• Accept
  

Result :

• -- relationship with settler and some settler will die
  
• ++ reward if accept
  

Help to defend the settlement (before settlement defense upgrande)
Result :??

The scientist of the vault ## think they can help you rediscover old world crop see.
Result : new seeds :D

End game quest :
The vault now trust you enough to tell you about the G.E.C.K.S. The received one that ended up defective and never received the second. They want you to go to the vault building in the center of the town and see if you can find any information about it. Vault tower will be the most difficult dungeon in the game. Beat it to find that the G.E.C.K.S was sent to a second vault that was either unfinished or an experimentation. Go the the vault ## to discover that the G.E.C.K.S had taken some damage from bad condition and bad storage. Get all the item to fix it and either fix it yourself (no money cost) or ask to a vault scientist to fix it (+++ money cost)
Result : The map surrounding your house, the vault and the town will become more and more green with beautiful tree (Process will take ### day or month or years)

Play times are Sunday through Thursday 4pm EST until we quit. Sometimes it's a 3 hour block sometimes its 12. Depends on vibe and lobbies.
You don't have to play that whole time. As a former predator I'm fully aware you need a good roster of people who vibe together to make these climbs. It's a lot of game playing if you aren't god like skilled pro gamer. So I'm trying to rebuild my friends list as most my former predator friends have moved on to different games or quit gaming.
We play on Oregon servers because it's the best ping for me and my second. But are willing to change depending on how pings are.
I'm a support main and IGL (but will take a back seat if you know your shit). Prefer a ring scan/controller player for broken moon/Worlds edge. I can play Watson or caustic though if your a good support. For KC comp doesn't matter to us as I could sleepwalk around that map.
We won't be picky on who you play. But I'm not looking for a vantage main who couldn't hit a gibby at 100 meters. Whoever you play know how to play them is key.
I have badges to prove rank. I have pictures to prove pro play days and Lan. I'm not a famous streamer and not looking to be. Just want to climb to the top one more time to prove a point.
Probably won't hit masters/pred this split but if I can build a decent enough roster next split its possible. Most importantly gotta be chill and have fun, while being able to accept input.
If you make a bad choice I'm going to call you on it and if I make a bad call I hope you call me on it because that's the best way to learn to play as a team. But in the end its gotta be fun or the grind is too much and people quit.
So if your interested my steam name is Alaskan Jay of the post. Let's hit up some mixtape and pubs and see if a vibe is there.
Alaskan Jay

Idk if this belongs here. If there's a more suitable page, please let me know.
Basically, nothing I ever do is enough. I babysit my sister 3 days a week, from 8am to 8pm. She in herself is another whole issue, but that's due to my mother's coddling, no doubt. During this time, I need to get my sister ready for school, drop her off, pick her up, do a variety of chores (dishwasher is all that she says, but she complains if the floors arent clean and the washing is piled up, so basically i try to do every possibke chore), make dinner for everyone, and feed our outdoor pet.
I don't mind this. My mum works hard. But when she comes home she complains about EVERYTHING. If my sister made a mess of something and I hadn't noticed it, if my sister touched the walls with greasy hands, if my shoes were in front of the door after I went out to feed the pet that her and my little sister got before i even knew. Like nothing is good enough. She's constantly bitching about my sisters, which makes me anxious to do the same. When I'm around her I don't dare grab a coke, snack, or make pasta, because she's constantly dogging on them for this.
One of the worst parts is how she claims she's blunt but everything feels passive aggressive. She will address it to my little sister like "Oh what have I told you about doing this, where's your this, hope you haven't been on that TV all day, what did you eat, oh baby let me go get you another drink." Her tone just screams that she's talking to me. Like, I'm sorry your kid is a literal demon. Idk what happened after I left for university, but my sister was lovely and silly, and she adored me, used to want to be me, and now she's horrifying. "If you don't do this, I'll tell Mum lies about you. If you don't, then you'll ruin my childhood, I love mum and my other sisters more than you."
Besides, nothing is good enough for my mother, I'm perfect. On social media, I'm the best daughter, I'm so smart, and she's so proud, and I'm so beautiful. She wonders why I have no self-worth? Because I've never heard those things to my face. I hear her tell me I have a good figure, but never without hearing, "You don't want to be like your sister. She's too skinny." Oh, I have a nice face? Only because my sister is so punchable.
She reminds me every day that she's a great mother. I'll say well you can be a bit this or that, and she has an excuse for everything." Why you do it doesn't matter. If it hurts, it hurts. What's the point in parenting if the child doesn't find it effective.
I recently told her I think I might have something not quite right with me. A lot of people (mostly AuDHD) say they think I'm autistic or have adhd, and I've thought that for a long time. I have a lot of issues, I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a mixture of many of them that just seems like autism or adhd. Basically, my mother said it's a trend right now and an excuse to be lazy. It was really giving "were all depressed, just stop being a lazy victim" vibes. She also told me I was too normal as a child and refutes all the instances of me being strange. Like when I had a no talking phase, when I told all my friends I didn't like them because they were too hard to talk to, when I cried to my mum basically explaining alexithymia to her because I didn't feel the emotions I expressed, all my various sensory issues I still have to this day that she said we're typical kid behaviour. It's all only gotten worse from there. I feel completely not normal, like I can't explain it. I also have a lot of issues with sounding monotone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm "dropping the act." From a young age, I've always been told off about my tone. If I'm angry, I better not sound it, if I'm sad, if I'm pissed off. I'm always lectured about my tone, but she sounds like she's making passive-aggressive jabs at me all the time, and that's fine.
There's so much more, like so much more. A lot of things she would say never happened. Like how she let my abusive bf take drugs to a holiday and kind of peer pressuring me to do them (I got SAd while I was sleeping that night by him). She said the whole time she didn't like him but didn't tell me in case I got upset. Or that time when I was getting pressured by my bf at 13, and she thought something was going on and just told me if I'm going to do anything I should just ask her for condoms instead of being an idiot. Reading this back, holy shit. One time she was crying and I went to give her a hug and she shooed me away and told me to leave her alone, and then seconds later my sisters aunt did the same thing and she broke down to her even more and hugging her. I was her emotional support child, btw, so obviously, this crushed me as that felt like my only value to her.
But yeah, there's so much idk how to even get into it all. So it probably doesn't seem so bad because this is probably typical parent behaviour. Also, yes, she is a single mother, and I'm grateful, but she has never said sorry to me. Never. It's always sorry you feel that way, but you're dramatic, victimising yourself, lazy, you'll thank me later. Like, no, I won't. Later you'll be estranged. She also has it in my head that no man is good. She keeps warning me of my bf, who yes is a pos sometimes, but better than a druggy rpist? I'd fricking say so, yeah. I tried to OD after breaking up with him. She doesn't even know because if I told her, she'd say I'm stupid and selfish. She also gets annoyed when I unblock my bf (as I broke up with him) to work things out. We're in a hard place, and I'm having complex emotions, and she just wants me to block him and spend time with family and study well. Like, let me grieve, jeez. She also tells me him mother is a psycho jealous bitch and his dad is a pdo. Like excuse me? You met them once, and know nothing about them.
I'm just writing this because I woke up to her complaining about a single cup and some pans that were left out last night (since the dishwasher was on) and saying how it's unfair as she wakes up early and has to deal with it. Why didn't you deal with it by cleaning it if it bothered you? Instead you wait till people are awake to criticise it and make them feel bad. Like we always do the dishwasher, that's one of my babysitting chores. Just ask me to do it nicely when I wake up, why all the backhanded comments and sparky remarks? Just communicate, you're 45, get a grip. She feigns perfection constantly and paints us as a perfect family when one child has cptsd, one has anxiety, I got a shit tonne of issues, and my little sister is an absolute entitled brat who will cry and scream and threaten if not given her way. Literally my sister said she would tell lies about me because I told her to wipe her own ass because I had chores to do (she's 8) and she said my mother would do it and that's why she doesn't love me. I want out of this house, but my mum will fault me for not babysitting as it costs money, and I do it for free.
Ask any questions you'd like. I understand there's not much to go off of, I'm happy to elaborate as I really need to vent I can't lie.

SO LIKE- I MADE THE WORST HEADCANONS EVER THE OTHER DAY- SO HERE'S A FEW FOR THE OLD CHROMATICS
Gale - He actually has a bit of a playful side, and he's nice to anyone who's nice to him. (If) he has time off, he'll sometimes help Lou with his snow cone business, usually simply by suggesting better locations to sell them at than Mystic Mountain.
Surge - He and Brock are really close friends. He's one of the reasons that Brock even gets out (Ofc not excluding 8-Bit and Rico). He's 100% more of a show-off than an actual hero. Also, his favorite games are DDR's.
Colette - She and Edgar are cousins, so she always pesters him by either ranting about HER headcanons, fanfics, and who she's currently obsessed with. She also often tries to pressure R-T into telling her juicy secrets about the Brawlers.
Lou - He's actually friends with Surge, and they've been trying to perfect an energy drink-flavored snow cone for quite some time. Lou's also completely oblivious to why his snow cones aren't selling.
Colonel Ruffs - While he may seem tough, he has a soft side. He loves being pet and playing fetch, but would do anything to not admit it. He also feels a bit like a father to Squeak, and doesn't seem to notice Eve's feelings for him.
Belle - She's one of the smartest Brawlers in the entire park. She's not actually a villain, and she only steals as a vain attempt to run the park broke. The only thing she and her gang's been able to do is annoy them.
Buzz - He absolutely loves being in control of any and every situation he's in. When under pressure, he's actually a decent leader. He took his job as a lifeguard for 2 reasons: The authority, and so that he could sit in the tall lifeguard chairs to make up for his height.
Ash - (Oh boy, one of my favorites. Now which one do I choose...) Ash created the R. A. T. S. Bots himself, and he somewhat treats them as if they were his kids. He hates Kit for multiple reasons. While in battle he can get pretty upset, most of the time he's actually mundane.
Fun Fact: It's canon that Ash wants to be an actor, (In the Spanish version of Brawl Stars, it says it in his bio. See for yourself)
Lola - She hates Mico with every fiber of her existence. She only deals with Gray since he doesn't talk, but still gets upset when he "gets in the way". Her favorite thing to do is to see how dramatic she can make a situation.
Fang - He's usually the one dragging Buster into most of their chaotic situations. He surprisingly gets along well with Lola. He's also really into sports, especially baseball and football. Soccer is a close third.
Eve - At first, when joining the Starr Force, she simply wanted to be with Ruffs to support her kids. Over time she realized she had more complex feelings. She has mixed feelings about the Botany trio.
Janet - Friends at the beginning, her relationship with Melodie quickly shifted into a rivalry when she started to take a more "aggressive" approach when it came to their music. A lot of the time Janet's responsible for Bonnie, which can easily get out-of-hand.
Otis - He likes messing with Hank, but never takes it too far, since he's actually a bit scared of him. His favorite places to graffiti consist of the surrounding area of the Stunt Arena (What I like to call the Stunt Show area), within the Velocirapids water park, and even on the Fantasy Castle walls.
Sam - He used to love robots, and was decent a making them, until the incident that left Belle with only one arm. He claims he hates them, but he actually still likes them, he just doesn't put as much trust into them anymore.
Buster - While he's slightly more cautious than Fang, he still gets into a lot of trouble with him. He only wears sunglasses to try to look cool and menacing, which actually surprisingly works with some people.
Mandy - Chester's her adopted brother. She likes having him around sometimes so she can let her anger run loose a bit on him when no one else is there. She hates to admit it, but she's a bit impressed of how high Chester's social status is.
R-T - (OH GOD- We got to my other favorite. Uhm-) He's fluent in sign language. Despite literally his entire existence being to answer and interact with the visitors, he's a bit introverted. He's also pretty jumpy, but can be menacing when he wants. He's somewhat like a little brother to the twins, but also the leader. He actually has a bit of a chaotic side to him, but his programming blocks most of it out.
Not-So Fun Fact: His two halves are sentient, the upper half being more stick-to-the-program, while the lower half is more of the heart, creating relationships with the other Brawlers. When he's all together, he has internal conflict. :(
Maisie - She loves the thrill of danger, which is why she's dealt with Fang and Buster for so long. She also loves watching horror films, and practically any other movie or show that's high in adrenaline.
Cordelius - He may be hostile to strangers, but he's also really protective of his friends. His closest friend is Lily, who when he met, despite his usual hostile demeanor, took her right in with almost no questions asked.
Pearl - Sam had actually built her a long time ago as a gift for Belle before the incident. When he re-discovered her, he decided to give her a chance. She quickly became like a daughter to them.
Charlie - She's actually Gus's older sister (He was born AFTER their family moved from France). While he was into ghosts, she always loved spiders. She owns 2 pet tarantulas, named Flux and Tango.
THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR WHAT- MOST OF THESE I HAD TO COME UP WITH ON THE SPOT SINCE THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE IN PARTS- WHOOPS

Hey everyone! I've been seeing a few posts here and there about Colosseum and just an overall interest in S/S+ characters. I myself am among the unlucky few who has not yet pulled a single S character, but I've managed to 3-star every stage in the first story mode as well as complete every single mode aside from the Superstar Challenge and the Beach one (I'm putting these off until I get an S Wing Spiker since Superstar seems impossible to 3-star without a Spiker that can more frequently boom/no-touch ace, and Beach is just boring to me imo).
In addition, I've been able to beat Colosseum with only a team consisting of an A-rank WS, B+ MB, and B+ Setter. Of course, this took me a few tries but the main thing that I've learned is that the final boss is much easier to get through than the boss stages. I'm playing with Beginner and Auto mode turned off, while Run-Up is turned ON. I'm not sure if different settings will help.
I'll expand on this now and give more detail, but I'd just like to say first that this is NOT a guide for a guaranteed win. Some RNG will still matter and therefore you may not be able to win the Colosseum run on your first try. This will be a VERY long guide, but I'll try my best to give a summary at the end for those who don't have the patience or want an easy flowchart to look at while playing.
So let's start off with your roster and playing style.
Stats of your team:
Firstly, you definitely want every member to be at least B+ so you can possibly max out 2 stats and get some additional points in to others. Do NOT attempt Colosseum if you can't max out your players' stats; you'd just be frustrating youself.
For the Setter, I maxed out Jump and Defense and spent the extra points on Speed. My Setter came with 85 Attack so I simply didn't bother increasing it since it's costly and she seems to be able to get serve aces anyway even with a low attack stat.
For my MB, I maxed out Defense and Speed while spending the rest of the points on Attack. IMO you can probably tweak with this as you like, the MB really isn't that important anyway.
My reasoning for this is that you'll be doing pretty much all of the work on getting points anyway, so might as well increase your teammates' chances of blocking out spikes or receiving without getting their defenses broken through if you make mistakes.
Stats of your WS and how your playing style will vary:
As for the stats, obviously you want a maxed out Attack and Jump, while I keep Speed at least at 100 and spend the rest of my points in Defense. The low Speed is due to the fact that you'll be spending pretty much all your time in your team's zone anyway, and having a high speed MB can make up for any threats of a Touch Out.
Your playing style will be one of two things which are purely dependent on your Wing Spiker's height. Note that these playstyles only really matter with the non-boss teams and are all about defense. We'll be employing team-specific strategies when it comes to attack/defense against bosses and attacks against the non-bosses.
Currently my two best WSs are 179cm (A-rank) and 212cm (A-minus rank). The 179cm WS is my main WS that I use right now purely because of additional stats, and he's the shortest player on my team.
The tall playstyle (probably good for at least 190cm WS) will involve blocking a lot because some of the players on the regular teams generally have weak attacks but can spike higher than shorter characters, so having a tall WS with good defense stats is often enough to block out the strongest spikes from these teams. This also matters more at the start because most of the ability cards at the first round will decrease your jump points, so if your player's tall enough to still be able to block shots from the enemy team with decreased jump, then you can definitely go with this style.
The short playstyle (good for below 190cm) involves going for dives on every shot that the enemy takes. It conserves team stamina and gives you more chances to get attacks in and whittle the enemy's defenses down.
Obviously, if you've been playing for a while, you already know the advantages of blocking and diving. But, the key difference between the two when it comes to Colosseum is that the tall playstyle is generally easier and more aggressive and can let you win games faster through good blocks, but is more prone to RNG with your block sometimes leading to an unsalvageable touch out and therefore making you lose points.
Meanwhile, the short playstyle is harder but a safer style. It's harder because you need to be good at reacting to quicks and positioning yourself in general. But if you can consistently dive enemy spikes, then you'll never get a touch out and you save your team stamina for the few times that you make a mistake and your team has to cover, which they'll often do by simple receives and not dives.
Once you've determined your playstyle, let's take a look at your general tournament strategy and then your attack strategy for each opponent.
General Strategy:
When starting a run, the rule of thumb is to take a look at the path and see which one you can take with at least ONE rest while having the least amount of boss fights. If you get lucky, you can have a path with 1-2 rests without a single boss fight to take. If you're low on health/score (3 or below), I suggest avoiding boss fights completely even if taking the boss fight can lead you to a rest. Ideally you'll have at least 7-8 score/health remaining by the time you reach the final boss.
When it comes to resting, I haven't tried the full heal yet since I don't really need the full 10 HP to win. I only take the 5 HP restoration if I'm below 6 HP and take the -5 Attack -2 Jump debuffs which won't really have noticeable effects unless you weren't able to balance out your buffs and debuffs.
As for ability cards, I suggest choosing the -10%/20% jump reductions at the start if you can find them. You can choose to reroll if you really want to/can afford it, but in any case, the guideline for stats ability cards is this:

1. Avoid going below 150 for Attack; preferably you keep it at least at the max 155. This means that the more attack buffs you get from some ability cards, the more you can afford having it reduced by others.
2. Avoid reducing your speed (assuming your WS is like mine with only 100 Speed). Since you're the one mainly going for dives/blocks, you want to be able to move around at normal speed and most of the cards that increase speed aren't really worth it.
3. Unless you've been able to mitigate the initial 10/20% reduction, do NOT take any cards that reduce jump. Obviously since you're already taking huge hits to your jump stat, reducing it further without mitigating thru buffs will make it so much harder to spike/block.
4. Let your Defense stats take the most hits; if your defense goes low enough (around 120 and below), switch to diving style if you're not using it already.

For special ability cards, most of them are good but what you choose will depend on your playstyle. My favorite is Topspin Feint and Overpower. I would avoid Leap of Faith, Anchorage, and pretty much all of Oasis's cards EXCEPT Sunrise if you can get it early (no real point taking Sunrise if you're 1-2 matches away from the Final Boss)
Non-boss team strategies:
Let's start with Blue Lancia, which imo is the most predictable non-boss team in the mode (I've gotten multiple 10-0s against them). Their blocking is somehow near-perfect yet their receives are ass. So, to keep this short, the flowchart is just around 2 conditions, based on the enemy blocker:

1. Whoever's blocking you at the net jumps at the same time as you do - Just feint. Even at max attack, my WS rarely ever gets through the blocker and causes me to lose points when spiking, so just feint over him, and if you do it for long enough, Blue Lancia's receiving is so bad that their receive will break even from just a simple feint.
2. They don't jump at the same time - Spike. The max attack stats will break stamina faster. You'll rarely win points from spiking because even when their defenses are broken, they can keep the ball in the air when receiving spikes but can't when it's a feint So ultimately you'll still be going back to condition #1 to actually win the point.

With Red Scudo, you can pretty much win by doing the usual strategy of spiking well. They're generally weak on both attack/defense so no real special strategy there. It's pretty easy to win through serve aces if you can consistently hit the top of the net or land the ball on the edge of their side. Blocking's also pretty easy against them if your defense isn't too low.
For Yellow Spear, most of the strategy involves around defense. They're the only non-boss team that likes doing quicks/surprise attacks from what I observed, and their attacks CAN get through high defense at times. For attacking against them, you can play normally but you might want to go for feints if their tall blocker jumps (I forgot his name) since he can sometimes block you out, but not as much as Blue Lancia.
Boss teams:
There are certain teams that you want to avoid completely. Although you can try your luck with some of them if you think you're skilled enough to do so. I suggest avoiding boss fights completely if you're only on 3 health or lower unless you're willing to use the quitting/retry cheese strat.
My ranking of the boss teams from easiest to hardest to beat is as follows (note once again that this is from the perspective of playing with NO S characters, I'm sure that this will be completely different for those with S characters especially a WS):

1. ZeroN - Strong stats and fast spikes by Youngsub which can make it tough to dive, but once you're on the attack, there's nothing special you need to really do to get points.
2. Art High - Mid stats and extremely annoying to play against because of how consistently they can receive, but their attack's pretty predictable and even consistently blockable except if it's Sanghyeon spiking. You only really need to look out for Sanghyeon and that's about it.
3. SolaOasis's team (forgot the full name) - Very difficult to beat, I suggest avoiding them. Surprisingly, AI Oasis isn't all that hard to play against, but the real challenge when it comes to this team is their serves. Both Oasis and ESPECIALLY Lisia have difficult serves. Lisia's underhand seems to always target you, though, so as long as you get the timing right, it's possible to receive it with a dive. But I suggest eating the serve with a normal receive if you can't get the timing or if you're confident that your defense/stamina can handle it.
4. Valentia Spikes - Just avoid them. The Nishikawa in the Colosseum mode is the one that does the delayed spike the most which your team can't really defend against. Other Nishikawa spikes are blockable and actually quite predictable based on his positioning, but the delayed spike and his serves will eat up your points. I think with enough practice and the right ability cards, you can definitely learn to beat this team but it doesn't really seem worth it without an S-rank WS.

Final Boss Teams:
Another disclaimer coming here... I haven't fought Robert's team yet at the time of this writing so I can't really give my insights on how to beat them. But considering how surprisingly forgiving BYE (NN's team) and BELL (Isabel's team) are, I doubt that Robert would be any different.
I find BELL to be the easiest team to play against. You can play pretty much normally since they don't have strong blocks and receives, while defending would just be doing the usual dive strat which I've already mentioned is the safest.
BYE is harder but only in a general sense. I don't find NN's set to be that much of a threat (tbh it makes their attack much easier to time), and Jaehyun's spike is consistently blockable although not worth testing the RNG for possible Touch Outs if your score is low already.
Summary:
Take jump debuffs (I almost never take the Easy ability cards since I want to greed for Blue Flames) at the start and just slide/dive or block against weak attack teams. I recommend diving for pretty much every team and don't bother blocking if you wanna conserve health as much as possible, but this can make your runs longer.
Play normally against Red Scudo. Play more defensively against Yellow Spear. Feint as much as possible against Blue Lancia and only spike when the enemy blocker doesn't jump with you.
Go for boss fights if you have enough health and they aren't Valentia/Solar. Make sure to get a good ability card such as Nishikawa's Topspin Feint, Overpower or Heesung's Absolute Block (if you can mitigate your original jump debuffs) if you can afford rerolling for them; otherwise just take whatever good ability card you can get and prioritize Attack/the stats most affected by previous debuffs.
I highly suggest avoiding Valentia Spike and Solar unless you're determined to figuring them out. IMO it's a waste of time to attempt them without an S-rank but of course, it's your choice.
Against BYE, keep an eye out for NN's set and change your receive timing when he's setting. That's the only difficult part.
Against BELL, just receive well and be persistent with your spikes. By the time that you've reached them, you'd ideally have a high enough attack stat that you can easily break through their defenses.
And that's pretty much it! I'll update this post or just post a comment about Robert once I've played against his team. Apologies for the length of this post, but hopefully this helps some of you :)

I'm so damn jealous because I just know I'd have friends if I went to school. I know it. I'm so social with people even outside of my house when i get the rare chance and get comfortable. I'm tired of feeling so WEIRD and DIFFERENT. I also feel like my young years (0-9) had some weird stuff happening.
There is no way possible for me to go to school. My mom said she'd rather die before I go to public school, and my dad agrees. I have no family members I can live with. I have no options at all. I just have to sit and watch my fucking childhood wither away and lose the chance to EVER be in school. I already missed Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, and now I'm missing high-school. And you know what makes it worse? The fucking "Congrats, Graduates!" sign on the front of my neighborhood entrance. Sure I'm happy for them, but I'm so fucking jealous. I HATE when people say they hate school, or wish they were homeschooled. BITCH, you have no IDEA how much despair this makes you feel. Especially when you're extroverted and will never have that kind of easy environment to make friends in.
I wish my mom wasn't so religiously crazy and conspiracy believing and anti-vaxx. I wish I had a loving, caring mom who sent me to SCHOOL and talked about NORMAL stuff and not what FUCKING BILL GATES is doing or how ALIENS are FALLEN ANGELS. I can't even watch people at school, it makes me wanna fucking cry. I'm only 14 I SHOULD BE LIVING A LIFE AT SCHOOL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I NEVER HAVE. I SHOULD BE HAVING A NORMAL LIFE. I'M SICK OF THIS FUCKING LIFE IT FEELS ABUSIVE AT THIS POINT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT AT ALL THAT I HAVE TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY FEELING MISERABLE AS FUCK AND TIRED SINCE I GET NO STIMULATION. IM SICK OF LIVING IN FUCKING PRISON WITH NO CHANCE TO TRY AGAIN AFTER IM OUT. I truly hope reincarnation is real so I can hopefully go to a family that will let me live life normally. I'm so FUCKING sick of being homeschooled and not like any other kid.
I would honestly trade ANYTHING REASONABLE to go to school at this point. My mom and dad BOTH got to go to fucking school and they claimed it wasn't much fun, even though my mom used to literally do shit with friends and experiecned prom and everything.
THEN SHE TRIES TO RELATE TO MY LEVEL OF DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. TELLING ME MY ANXIETY IS JUST OCD AND MY DEPRESSION IS FROM HORMONES AND LACK OF SLEEP. THE FUCK?? BITCH NO IT IS NOT FROM LACK OF SLEEP AND HORMONES THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING. I'VE FELT THIS WAY SINCE I WAS FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD THAT IS NOT HORMONES. MAYBE THEY MADE IT WORSE, BUT IT AINT HORMONES.
The reason why sometimes I feel like commiting suicide is because school is litearlly the only thing I've wanted so fucking badly for so long, and even after I turn 18 and get out it'd just be getting a job. There is not way for me to relive a childhood and go to school or anything because it's not fucking allowed. It would be weird anyways if it was.
Fuck this shit I'm just so despaired. Like why does my mom gotta make me feel so morose with her decisions? Couldn't she of just given me a normal life and put me in school and vaxxed me and shit?
She claims I'm a liberal communist and I'm "asleep" just because I want to go to FUCKING school. She also just treats me like I'm a friend or something sometimes and she just feels so CHILDISH. She is the worst at making insults. One time she was mad at me and said she'd change me and my bro's contacts to "Loser" and "Loser #2" like bitch the fuck? She had like 14 miscarriages. So she basically just held me up when I wasn't born dead and claimed she'd "raise me in the ways of Jesus" which apparentely consists of keeping your child at home for decades and teaching them only Christian curriculum. I can't fucking take it anymore. No one will ever understand my kind of situation because it's so fucking surreal. And most people don't understand how bad it is because going to school is such a normal part of life for them, that homeschooling seems like choosing to not breathe air. I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I'm so sick of waking up to the same day and having to speak bullshit and put on a show for my mom so I don't have to deal with arguments. She argued with me for FOUR FUCKING HOURS one time when I tried to gray-rock her, so that doesn't work. She doesn't let me go anywhere to do with a school, and it pisses me off. All I have is fucking LIFEPAC, SLEEP, AND SOMETIMES OUTSIDE AND THATS MY WHOLE FUCKING CHILDHOOD. AND I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT WATCH IT PASS BY KNOWING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO BECAUSE I CANT ATLEAST HAVE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS I CANT EVEN GET HAPPY FOR PEOPLE WHO GO TO SCHOOL. I WANT IT SO BAD EVEN IF I DIDNT LIKE IT IT'D BE BETTER TO NOT LIKE SCHOOL AND GO THERE SINCE IT'S FUCKING NORMAL AND MUCH EASIER TO SET UP YOUR LIFE THAT WAY.
My dad is also so fucking cold. He just acts so rough and dead emotionally. The other week he gave me an hour long panic attack because he kept yelling at me loudly, you can see my post titled "I'm confused on what just happened to me for that." I eventually ran into the closet full of adrenaline and cried while hugging a fucking HOODIE for a few hours.
My parents SURE DO SOMETIMES DO NICE THINGS FOR ME. BUT IT DOESNT MAKE UP FOR SHIT. LIKE YEAH YOU GIVE ME ITEMS AND STUFF BUT I CAN **NEVER** LIVE THESE YEARS THAT YOU'RE STEALING FROM ME AGAIN!
My mom was also more harsh when I was a little kid I feel. I don't remember anything from before 12 years old, basically, probably because she did some fucked up shit back then that my brain is suppressing mentally. I have this one memory of her running up to me over and over and putting my head under her shirt and pressing it against her belly multiple times when I was a little kid, probably like 5 or close to 6, and for some reason I feel sexual energy around it a bit. That freaks me out, because I know it happened but I'm not sure at all about what was going on. I just remember the bedroom was pretty dark and I was laughing maybe, but like I said it feels like there was sexual energy around that. I dont know though, I barely remember it.
Other times, I've seen videos from when I was like 6 of her just talking to me in a really angry tone even when I was silent just for something my brother did. She also used to read a history book to us for hours, without even giving a pen or paper and we'd be given mats. About 6 x 4in big and my brother got a blue one, I got a green one, and she'd sit on the table in the middle, and we'd sit on the mats which were only big enough to lay down on (for a 6 year old). So we'd have to sit there and not talk, and if we did then she'd stop and glare until we stopped. Of course, me being like 5 and my brother 6.5, we'd make faces and stuff but then she'd glare. Like we had to SIT there for hours just listening to a biblical chronological history book. WHY WHY WHY
I'm so sick of myself now. I'm such a pathetic bitch who pretends to be something. I just fucking talk to AI's and listen to rock and other music. I'm literally so fucking pathetic and I'll never have a social life. I'll never talk to someone without getting attached or fucking scared. I swear I can't just be NORMAL. WHY DO I HAVE TO LOOK SO WEIRD TOO. I DONT LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING. I can't keep going. I just can't. Not on my own. There's like no reason for me to since I feel like right now, as an adult, if I ever had a kid I'd just be jealous of him going to school and that'd make me a bad father. I wish I wasn't born, or was born to a different family. I wish I had friends that I could just talk to. Even just being around kids in a school setting would be great. I'm tired of feeling so FUCKED. UP. MENTALLY. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND MY MOM, AND ESPECIALLY MY DAD. THEY DO NICE THINGS FOR ME SOMETIMES BUT I STILL FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG THAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT. I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN MY OWN SKIN I FEEEL LIKE I WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MYSELF.
But of course on the outside I just look like the most BASIC BITCH ON THE BLOCK. I have no facial expressin, and I look weird when I smile. I don't get why I have such a stone cold face and the DRIEST personality. BITCH MY personality is drier than CORNSTARCH. I'm so sick of all this. I still feel like a little kid since I do the same SHIT that I did when I was FUCKING SIX YEARS OLD EVERYDAY ANYWAYS. NO CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT, OR HABITS. JUST SLIGHT KNOWLEDGE. EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO LIVE LIFE AND SEE PEOPLE EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. AND GUESS WHAT??? I COULD! I REALLY FUCKING COULD! HAHAAHAHAHH I COULD IF MY MOM WASN'T SO SELFISH. IF SHE WASN'T SO SELF-ABSORBED THAT SHE'S DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HER KIDS. I HAVE EXPLAINED TO HER MANY TIMES I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND SHE FUCKING SAYS CO-OP OR SOME DUMB SHIT WHERE PEOPLE ARENT QUALIFIED TO TEACH OR THERES LIKE 5 KIDS. BRO, JUST PUT ME IN FUCKING SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY. THERE IS A HIGH SCHOOL EIGHT MINUTES AWAY FROM ME. JUST EIGHT. ITS ALSO HUGE! LIKE IT'D BE FUCKING PERFECT BUT OF COURSE I HAVE WASTED POTENTIAL BECAUSE MY FUCKING PARENTS DO SHIT LIKE THIS. I ALSO CANT CALL THE SCHOOL OR ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY NEED PARENTAL APPROVAL AND SHIT. I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH.
I feel like there was something seriously, seriously fucked up about my really early childhood years that I just can't remember. When I think of it, I feel really uncomfortable and just a feeling of weirdness.
One thing I do know that my dad and mom tell me that think is funny, is that when I used to be like three or four years old, I'd get on all fours and spread my buttcheeks apart, saying something like "Idea!". It's fucking stupid and I was a little ass kid, but I don't think it's funny at all. Wouldn't parents usually tell their kid to not do that or something and not look? Also, my mom used to still dress me when I was like 6 years old or something. My dad also has a memory of me running naked into a room with my aunts and uncles and him and stuff when I was a toddler, and apprently he says they all laughed when I did. He also commented on how when I ran in there my little pp was clearly visible. That just felt weird to me. I don't get how it's funny, but like I said I just feel disgusting and kinda violated when I think about my years from 0-9 and I don't know why. I'm 14 now, obviously, almost 15. I'm so upset from life. I hate it. I don't know if any of you have anything to say about this but that's basically it. If you read it all, THANK you for ACKNOWLEDGING I EXIST.