Birthday sayings to a friend

I've been married for a few months now and just a few days ago my husband hit me because I was brooding and created a very negative energy at home. He had been hostile earlier that evening and got a little malicious too. I had been silent till then when I asked if he instead was just looking to break up with me , I started packing when he threatened to hit me.
He then went on and hit me until I screamed and woke up a good number of our neighbors. What scares me is even after leaving I'm the one contacting him and checking in to see how he's doing. Despite my family being completely against the relationship I still feel like going back . I'm still in contact with him telling him how much I love him and I already forgave him.
I crave his attention warmth love and touch despite everything. He has a history of physical abuse with his previous partner as well. Even though I understand trauma bonds and abusive relationships I can't stop myself. I'm attached to him I'm attached to our home, his family his friends even his clients.
At the back of my mind I know he'll hit me again . For another petty reason or whenever he's having a bad day or week, pretty much anything now will become an excuse.
He had been kind to me earlier in the relationship and maybe it was love bombing I can't say for sure. He's had therapy after his previous relationship and myself I have witnessed him really trying his best to control himself. I feel bad for him , he had a pretty bad childhood losing siblings to a genetic disorder.
At the back of my mind I keep asking if this is one of those relationships that end in homicide. I keep begging God for mercy.
May God help me.

What should I do?
TDLR: Me (M17) and my boyfriend (M18) have been together for 6-7 months. He’s my first proper relationship and I’m his 3rd, both of them were very toxic for him from what he’s told me. He’s been having a blip in his mental health recently, which I’ve seen and tried to help as much as possible with.
Recently I’ve been struggling with my life as I’m in the care system, almost turning 18 I have a lot of pressure being put on me to find a job, get my career started for my future and turning into an adult. All normal things I can assure you but the agreement for me to stay at my placement for when I would become a lodger is that I need to have a job. I’ve been trying recently and no where is coming back to me, so to my foster parents it looks like I’m make no effort which they vocalise and make me feel bad for.
My boyfriend and I are both very healthy for each other and are very glad we met each other. We both have a past, we both have trauma and we deal with it in different ways. We both have lost our mums and both have learnt so much about each other and life and I’m so grateful for him. but I feel that recently that where he’s had so much on his mind with him turning 18, his mums birthday and two year death anniversary that he’s had a lot to deal with. I used to spend all of my time and energy thinking I could fix him if he was sad whereas now I have a healthier mindset where I don’t have to give him 100% all of the time and I can still look out for myself and be there for him that way neither of us get hurt.
Where he’s had all of this stuff go on recently, I don’t feel like I’ve been able to talk to him about how stressed I am, purely because I feel that if I talk to him about it then it will be bad timing due to him having a dip in his mental health recently that I can clearly see. I feel like I need his support and I need him to be understanding of how much these next few months are going to impact me, which he does know it will but he doesn’t know how much stress I’m under. Not only that but I always make out I’m loving the fact I’m turning 18 but I’m dreading it in reality and if I was to say that I feel like he wouldn’t pay attention to it. And also that if I don’t get a job I will get kicked out.
He’s so sweet and understanding and don’t get me wrong even tho I feel like this I know I haven’t been there for him at some points when he’s needed be, but recently I’ve make such a physical and conscious effort to be careful with what I do and say to comfort him and I feel like that I need some comfort. I want to be listened to by him instead of being brushed off I guess. As I said I know he’s had stuff go on but I rarley go to him about how I feel now. I want to feel like he’s seeing me for who I actually am right now, which isn’t a mess but I’m so stressed and it passes my mind every day.
Am I selfish for this? Can someone please maybe give me some advice on how to go about things?

I have been following Kinza Hashmi since last 1 year and ever since I came to know about Kinza and Karan doing a music video, I've noticed that Karan is following Kinza in not a very subtle way but like chasing her though. I mean to say that Kinza looks friendly as anyone would be with a guy you've worked with.
But Kinza everytime she posts on IG , the next moment Karan likes the post and everytime she posts or put on a story, Karan post's some cryptic post or stories (most of the times shirtless or making cute faces) . Recently on Kinza's birthday, Karan wished her saying "Happy birthday Khoobsurat Aankho Wali" . I think Karan is trying too hard to be associated with Kinza because she's pretty and has almost 9.4M followers. I find Karan too wannabe cute and trying hard to be charmer, but in contrast he comes across as a big time womaniser and opportunist. I think he should start acting his age, like other Bollywood stars (SRK etc..) who are flirt, charming and carry that persona of a responsible, matured yet grumpy persona rather than trying to be childish, always flexing about gym workouts, intentionally cute acting and believing that they're too cool to convince women to hangout or link up with them.
PS: I don't have any personal hate for KW, but his recent behaviour which I noticed and his No-Presence personality and acting in his off late projects make me hurt. No Abuses Please in discussion!

Hi! This is the 1st time for me here. Anyways I have a crush on this guy for 7 months and I only confessed this year on the 5th month. He is my immediate senior in clg. But we only knew each other last year. Neither have we met nor do we usually speak. We just me through my usual friend who told me he could help with my thesis for pay. So I got the help from him...and that's pretty much we spoke. But we do follow each other on instagram right after this. Coming to my confession...
Me: Hi. I've been wanting to tell you this for a while. You may find this odd and I really don't know how to put it into words. I like you for a long time now. I didn't find the courage to tell you this before. It's been bothering me so much, at first I thought it's an unserious crush. But now it feels so serious. I haven't done stuff like this before in my entire life.I do really like you. I'm sorry if I made you feel awkward.
Him : damn.Thank you so much for opening up to me—it means a lot. Your feelings are truly valued, and I’m genuinely touched by your honesty and courage. I want to be completely transparent with you—I’m currently in a phase where I’m still figuring out what I want and need in terms of relationships. I deeply value our friendship and the bond we share, and I hope we can continue to be there for each other as we navigate our feelings and paths. Your sincerity is a testament to the wonderful person you are, and I’m grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for understanding🤌🏻💯
Me:Sorry if I made it all awkward between us and thank you for genuinely understanding me. I totally respect your decision.😊
Him:Nooooo it was not awkward at all. Im glad you open’d up.
Since then I added him to my close friends stories...and he started replying to some of my stories. I did the same thing.
Now coming to the main part. Yesterday was my birthday. My friend posted a story wishing me a happy birthday a day before at 12am. He wished me yesterday at 9 am a few hours after. I was surprised since I dindt expect him to wish me. But then my friend told me he didn't view her story about my birthday. I was shook and she showed me proof...there wasn't a view from him. I remembered after I confessed he liked a really old picture of mine. And after that post was a picture of mine...and in the comments were full of birthday wishes.. so did he stalk my account...or did he see the story and it was an instagram glitch?

So I've been clearly an Infj for the past few years: kinda introverted, insightful, had specific hobbies that I perfected, such a nerd with the things I liked, quit sentimental and empathetic. These are a few things that describe an infj I guess. The thing is I've changed a lot since then: I'm a lot more extroverted and spontaneous, I'm neither organized nor liking lists and stuff like that anymore. I've been trying to live in the moment-which I never did in the past. I don't live in my head anymore, I became a lot outgoing and bright. I prefer each day to do whatever I want the moment I think about it (which I think is and enfp thing, correct me if I'm wrong) Even my friends say I don't act like an infj. Honestly I don't really know if I'm an infj or enfp anymore because I've searched for both and both describe me in different ways. I hope you guys can help me find out which one I am or even another type. Thanks in advance 💙

I was at a baseball game and two rows in front of me there was this beautiful girl who looked around my age. It looked like she was with friends or family but clearly there was no sign or any kind of boyfriend. We never made eye contact, but I saw her look back kind of towards my direction. Not sure if she was looking at me or looking back at some family or friends who were sitting behind me that she was waving at but I didn’t want to look at her too much and creep her out.
Now here’s where it gets interesting. I caught her sneak a picture of me in the background of her Snapchat selfie and then circled me on the picture. I spend the next 2 innings wondering why and if she really was doing what I thought or I was seeing things.
Later on she moved seats and sat with the people behind me. While sitting right behind me I heard her say she was going to walk around and see what’s happening around the stadium. I’ve been trying to pick up on hints lately since us men are notoriously bad at it so I thought I might as well go for it if there was any kind of chance.
I waited for the inning to end to get up since I was gonna head to the bathroom anyway and was hoping I’d see her on the concourse and maybe try and talk to her. I never saw her while walking around so I took that as she actually went up and walked elsewhere in the ball park and didn’t want me to approach her. I get back in my seat and she sits a few rows in front of me later on but I figured by then she wasn’t into me so I put my attention back on the baseball game.
Did I completely fumble the bag or was I reading too much in the situation?

That is the question I ask me all day.
I wake up, think: Oh no it is gonna be another day which will bring conversation with acquaintances (they call themselves friends and family).
I am sorry for push them away. I feel like I should love and care for them. They say they do too. I can’t discern it really. Where does the I“ care for you because you are my child“, and where the „I care for you bc child support would take you away otherwise“ begin? Same with, I respect you coworker, I respect you ma mate. I grow cold and distant to them, disgusted by interaction, put off and feeling hopeless when seeing them. Where is the comfort these relationships should offer? I used to feel it. Why dont I trust them to tell them how I feel? I feel like I went through a lot. I cope by hurting me physically (used to) and emotionally. Joy and content, hope and feeling secured grow rare. I would talk to them, if I trusted them. I fear I have gone too far in this matter already. What do I do? Am I the guilty one? AITA?

So I haven't posted here much and mostly just check things out but I had some issues this month that really hit me hard. My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me last month. I had some trouble coping and ended up rebounding in a findom relationship with one of my best friends. It seemed great at first but as time went on I started to run out of money. When I emptied out she flipped and I haven't heard from her for awhile. Now I feel empty. I feel very lonely which brought me to findom to begin with but I'm kind of worried she took me for a ride. She says it's normal to just throw money at a girl in this but was she full of shit? It was exciting but fleeting and I'm nots sure what to take from it.

I am a little worried about a friend who works as a live in. She also gets social security (not SSI, her earned benefit if it matters).
She says her tax guy told her she doesn’t need to file taxes. I know live ins don’t pay income tax but I think she must file because she has social security and her combined income is definitely over $25k.
I think she is getting herself in trouble but I want to find out more before making her worried.

Hey there!
like the title says I'm looking for my best friend, someone I can vibe with and talk to about anything never feeling judged or uncomfortable about it. someone I can watch movies with, joke around with go get some amazing food with and just genuinely enjoy our time together!
Honestly I would love for it to blossom into something romantic at some point however I want there to be a strong connection and friendship first and foremost.
You're probably wondering a bit about me so here's some quick info - I am a father to a beautiful 4 year old girl, I have a stable job and work from home, I have my own place too! I like to play PC games (wow, league, apex, POE to name a few), I love to cook and miss having someone to cook for, I love all animals and recently really got into fish keeping. as for movies I usually tend to watch comedies or thrillers as my main go-tos but happy to watch anything with the right person. as you can probably tell I'm a bit of a nerd which is very true so almost anything nerdy I'll probably like haha.
Physically I'm 6ft tall, and on the chubbier side of a dad body and while I do embrace the dad bod, as I am a dad, I am working on that by going to the gym and trying to live a healthier lifestyle as I want to stay active to keep up with my kiddo.
If this has peaked your interests and you'd like to talk more, please feel free to shoot me a message on here and I'll get back to you as fast as I can. Maybe start by letting me know the last thing that made you smile, and why? :)

Tl;dr I just found out that my best friend of seven years/roommate, Natalie (26F), is seeing a married guy (mid 50’sM). She thinks he is leaving the wife but highly unlikely, is there any way to snap her out of it?
Just found out through friends that one of our friend, Natalie (26F) is seeing a married guy (mid 50’s M). I’ve been on a month long holiday abroad so I haven’t seen Natalie in few weeks. I did check up on her after the third roommate mentioned to me that Natalie’s never home these days. When I asked Nat, she said her mom’s been ill so she’s been visiting her mom more often. I believed her since I had no reason to doubt her until our two friends spotted Natalie with not-her-man but her man at a restaurant we all go to often. They described this guy as gray hair balding and having scruffy beard. (He’s older than Nat’s dad!! And no she doesn’t have daddy issues from what I know. Her dad’s so good to her and her mom) Since one of the two friends who spotted her works with Nat, she recognized the guy as a manager at a different department working in the same building. He has two kids around our age, and very much married. The two friends confronted Nat but Nat denied everything. So they gathered information and confronted her (her “business trips” his “business trips” and holes in her stories etc) and Nat finally admitted. And said things like “I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop having feelings for him”,“he said he is separated from his wife and the wife knows about me” I’m going back home in couple of days and since she’s my roommate, I’ll be seeing her. What do I say to snap her out of her fantasy that she’s just a side piece being played? We want to tell the wife but what if the wife is fine with it (ie. open relationship, already knows and ok as he seems to be a serial cheater). We are not sure how to even break the news to the wife or even if we should. I just know if I were in her shoes, I would like to know!! I personally believe if you don’t have the balls to face the consequences of your actions then don’t act. I honestly could care less about Nat’s reputation at work and consequences she’ll have to face. But I do worry about my other friend who works with Nat being negatively impacted. Nat seems to really believe that he is leaving the wife but I highly doubt it. What do I say to slap some senses back to her?

Pretty much what the title says… this was ages ago but I was talking about it recently in conversation & would like to know some thoughts.
Extra context :The day before she asked me to pick her up from central London as she left her oyster and cards at home but I wasn’t able to as I didn’t drive to work at the time so could only offer going to meet her and lend her a card to use temporarily
With having so much history is it acceptable to find out your best friend of over a decade got engaged on social media?

Throwaway account because of complete mortification. I was staying as a guest at a friend-of-a-friend's very fancy house while traveling. Period came unexpectedly and I woke up with blood everywhere - all over my pajamas and sheets and even soaked into the mattress cover (thankfully not the bed below it). I tried to covertly wash the sheets and mattress cover with handsoap in the sink, all panicked and all before coffee. I got it mostly out, but not completely. The very nice host lady had explicitly told me the night before not to strip the bed because "she has her own system." The very nice host guy saw me with the sheets and said "oh no, you're not supposed to do that, she has her own system, I'll help you put them back on." I fumbled something about "oh I completely forgot, must be habit, haha" and "well let me just get some coffee first and then I'll put it back together myself" to which he thankfully went along with. I put the sheets and mattress cover back on, so then it was either obvious what had happened OR looked like I peed the bed which isn't much of an improvement.
It would have been slightly less mortifying if it was either a good friend OR a complete stranger, but this was in the awkward in-between when you have to be "on your best behavior."
Well, you say, this could happen to anyone. BUT why the hell can't I just get an app and track when my period might arrive, like every other sensible female? Why does my brain like to pretend I'll not have another period ever again? I FEEL SO STUPID. I've had 34 YEARS of periods. I should have learned by now!!!!
Once I'd had time to think about it, it would have been so much better to say to the nice host lady "I'm so very sorry, this is totally embarrassing, my period came unexpectedly and I seem to have made a mess, so I've brought the sheets and mattress cover down to the washing machine." I'm sure as a female she would have been understanding. I can only say I panicked and wasn't thinking clearly.
Since I don't have a time machine, PLEASE y'all do me a favor and go get an app if you don't have one, and turn on notifications, put a towel underneath when you're staying as a guest somewhere within a few days of your period arrival. And any words of comfort to lessen my mortification would be most welcome.

Hi… this is a throwaway account, and I will be deleting this after getting some advice. I don’t want this becoming popular, I just need some unbiased opinions. My (20M) boyfriend and I (22F) have been together for almost 7 months. We started out long distance, having met online through our university. He’s residential, and I just graduated from the online program. He and I went on a trip together with friends over winter break, which is where we met in person for the first time.
In the beginning of our relationship, we fell hard. We were talking about marriage and children by the second or third month of dating (to the point of making a guest list for the wedding and writing down names for future children). I will add that he and I are both religious (Christianity). After meeting him in person, it became very difficult to stay long distance since during that week-long vacation, we had gotten used to being physically near each other. I began driving back and forth between him and where I currently live (6 hour drive) to spend my off weekends with him. He does not have a car right now since he lives on campus and because of his class schedule and work, he’s not able to come to me.
(Side note: my parents didn’t know about him prior to the trip and were extremely unsupportive of my decisions and the relationship… more on that later).
He and I talked about me moving closer to him, and I began looking for jobs and apartments near our university. I currently have an apartment where I stay when I’m in town, but it’s now been over 4 months of unsuccessfully searching for a job.
I will sugarcoat it for the sake of this post, but for my safety, it’s best if I move out of my parents’ house (no SA, but threats of violence have become more frequent the more independent I become). That being said, my boyfriend and I had a bad fight the other night, in which he said that there “wasn’t anything he could do about it” in response to me saying that I was upset about something. We talked about things and I didn’t realize me telling him about the things my parents said and did was effecting him so negatively. I also said some harsh words, specifically that I was the one that had to live with what I talked to him about. After settling with that for a bit, we both apologized.
Out of that same fight, my boyfriend backed out of a lot of the things he’s said he wanted from our relationship. He assures me that he loves me, but he’s not sure whether he wants to get married or have kids. He said that that wasn’t something he should have committed to so early on in our relationship (it’s the first relationship either of us have had). Over the last few months, “getting married by the end of the year” turned to “getting engaged by the end of the year,” which morphed to “engaged after he graduates,” and the last time we talked about it, we had settled on waiting a couple years for marriage.
I feel like in this relationship, I am being forced to live by his timeline. Being the older of the two of us, that’s understandable, and I was completely okay with waiting for marriage until he’d graduated and found a good job. I made it clear months ago that I don’t want to move in together until we’ve gotten married. He seems content with just being in a relationship for now, but the uncertainty and open-ended-ness of him not knowing whether he wants marriage from our relationship is causing a lot of emotional distress for me, in addition to the worry, stress, and anxiety that living with my parents/not being able to find a new job continues to cause.
I have a therapy appointment tomorrow to hopefully work some of this out, but my biggest concerns are that I’m moving six hours away from home to be with someone I love, and that someone isn’t sure what they want from our relationship anymore. It makes me feel like I’ve wasted time, money, effort, and energy on something that may leave me alone in an unfamiliar city in the end.
He and I have agreed to sit down and talk about our expectations from this relationship, but he’s currently at his parents’ home (3 hours away from the city I’m moving to) packing the rest of his things so that he can move into an apartment with his roommate off campus for his last year of college. He plans to go to graduate school at the same college immediately after graduating (I’m in an online MFA program, btw).
We love one another, but being so far away from each other makes it hard to really sit down and discuss what needs to be discussed. I want to marry him, but it doesn’t have to be right this second. I told him that until he makes a decision on what he wants, I don’t want us to be intimate again. He agreed to that, saying that he accepts my reasoning, but that I don’t need one if I ever don’t feel like being intimate. He’s incredibly kind, loving, and supportive. I think I’ve just put too much on him, both in expectations and emotional stress. The main reason I was upset with him during our fight was that everything he was saying was in direct opposition to what he’d said previously about what he wanted from our relationship. He himself said that the decision/realization of not wanting to get married or have kids yet hit him just as hard as it hit me.
Any advice? I love him. I don’t want to lose him because of crappy circumstances.
TL;DR - My boyfriend has told me that he doesn’t know whether or not he wants to get married, when in the beginning of our relationship we both expressed that’s what we wanted.

Warning: abuse
At 19F in the middle of active alcoholism 3 years after my mom went to jail for murder for hire, I was a SW (looking?) for a SD? - while out at a bar I got approached by a 43M that I found attractive and very charismatic. Thinking we’d end up having “fun”, I returned the honest sentiment of attraction. We stayed together 2.5 years after that. He was a Chemist who laughed and made light of everything, his alcoholism and drug addiction became apparent from the beginning, but not to the extent that it got to/really was.
Like all relationships, things started out fun, a very Glee movie summer-like love, very free-ing. He was a Doctor of chemistry and worked in the oil field prior to my meeting him, because of his living situation and luxury cars he seemed like he was doing well. He never was any type of SD. The night I met him, we made eye contact and never looked away. Our chemistry, pun intended- was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
I’m the youngest, not the smartest nor prettiest. I quit my jobs because I simply didn’t want to work sometimes, I made a lot of mistakes and I’ve been in the receiving end of family based bullying and school bullying, SA, R@p€, abandonment and trust issues, I’m bipolar, I practice/d SH, depression, GAD… things of the human condition that make it feel like I’m faulty.
This man was the first person that ever sat with me and listened to me vent to the extent that I did the first tight we spent together. We rarely had sex, but we shared breaths as we slept, (he inhales my breath as I exhale his breath, vise-versa and so on and so forth) to keep it brief and give example. He’s the most intimate partner I’ve ever experienced.
I notice others micro expressions and cater to their benefit if it seems they are troubled or asking for help.
I’m having so much trouble these days accepting the fact that I’m never going to meet him again. Specifically because he was so attentive and catering to my needs. He knew immediately when I was masking. I’m so confused and perplexed about the feeling of not having anyone in my life that has that interest in me. I felt so understood. That’s been my first and last experience with feeling understood like that.
He drank from morning to night nonstop. Together we became aware of what alcoholism was. Brown urine, blood, pain… regret that then led to arguments, accidents, threats, drugs, danger, fear turned to bonding, helping each other, trying to get better, failing. Trying again. Do it all over again. Fail. Again and again.
We managed to get sober a few days. His parents loved me. I understood and loved him. He hadn’t been sober for that long and trying for a long time. He was doing better, that’s what his mom would say.
Every relapse got harder, more dangerous medically and physically as well as economically.
Sleep deprivation was torture I hadn’t experienced before. I would be awoken with yelling because of delirium, anger and he would degrade me so badly. Use that bond we had against me, my own experiences turned against me he’d repeat the insults I shared with him to me. Yell those at me. Then love bomb. Then threaten me and my family with guns. I lived in fear when he blacked out. Felt lonely because with all of the yelling, smashing things around, being stared at by neighbors crying, being called an idiot dumbass in front of people and them witnessing me at a low point and then, agreeing with him? No neighbor knocked after crying and yelling to see if anyone was ok or dying. Public shame feels so. Fucking. Lonely. Isolation doesn’t help.
He stopped functioning. His body started giving out. I loved him. Took care of him cleaned his wounds after falls, his body after incontinence. He literally shed blood, shit and tears, regret and asked for forgiveness when I cared for him in his sober state.
In return, I’d receive non stop verbal abuse if I didn’t stop and do what he wanted me to at the time he wanted me to and how he wanted me to. If I didn’t give him my attention he’d end up getting it by threatening my family. And he would! Fight my brother and go after him with loaded guns. So there I would go do what he said. Forced to ride in a vehicle, with him locking the doors, blasting Phil Collins yelling at me. Driving erratically, dangerously. And I’d be so fucking scared of crashing. Just imagining the police report, “f19 dead alongside 43m after drunk reckless driving”. He’d speed in traffic so I couldn’t really jump out the car. I’d end up just drinking to numb the fear.
I had enough and attempted to sleepies forever by taking a sweet deadly cocktail of whatever handful of pills I could get my hands on. We had plastic gallon moving boxes filled with narcotics- he was a pharmacist too. I told him I was going to KMS he said go ahead, so I attempted and I filmed it.
From the setting up the phone in that closet, the one I color coordinated for him, his button-ups and suits in those dry-cleaning bags that hadn’t been opened since leaving the laundry shop… I watched my su!c!d€ afterwards. Out of morbid curiosity. “What a dumbass!” was what he said when he found me. I won’t go into detail of the full video but chest compressions hurt a lot, 10/10 would not recommend. And EMS left the AED stickers on my chest 🤷🏽‍♀️
After that 24hr watch, an awkward taxi drive to a crisis clinic that was understaffed and left me in a room by myself for two hours and walking in public with those see-through paper hospital clothes. Embarrassment is a light expression. When I was taken home, I didn’t have keys, or phone, or anything. Just my discharge papers and my cut vomit stained pajamas in a biohazard bag. - I lived in a gated neighborhood with key-fob-entry-only. I was fucked and waited what seemed like 4 hours for anyone to help me but no one showed up until HE did WITH MY BROTHER. The one who was threatened with a gun, that brother.
JFC the amount of insults, “what a fucking dumbass, what were you thinking? You’re a fucking idiot!” To summarize in the friendliest way. I was dressed in a see through hospital gown, I went straight to the shower, didn’t have the energy to get dressed when they kept just YELLING at me. INSULTING me- I had enough and wanted to defend myself. That’s when my brother pulled out his phone and started filming me pleading with them to let me sleep, calling me crazy, threatening to “show the family how fucking crazy you are!” - I threw my phone. Broke the microwave door. More insults, while still filming me, I was ordered to, “clean it up” - and at that moment. Completely detached, I did.
I put my brother on the soon-est bus to Mexico and sent him to rehab after 2 hell filled weeks of him living with us because he was so fucked in alcoholism he was homeless. To this day I don’t know how I did that.
I managed to leave my ex. 2 weeks later I receive calls from worried friends. Ryan was missing.
After investigating, (calls to police,hospitals, checking out the “usual” spots) - turns out he went to a Circle K looking for Peroni after the liquor store wouldn’t sell to him, tripped on the steps, hit his head on the pavement, STILL MANAGED TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL, left, got into a fight, and somehow miraculously ended up in his apartment where he tried to shower, fell face forward towards the water tap, (which left a softball sized bruise on his right eye and fractured his nose) he then tried to walk towards the kitchen? Passed out in the living room leaving blood all over the walls, puddles on the ground and the biggest blood clot stain on the floor ( we had to get crime scene cleaners). He apparently had a fit where he trashed the apartment by throwing my things, my plants, bottles of crown… anything. Everything was trashed when I found him in the apartment. I counted at LEAST 20 bottles of crown. He was so fucked up we thought he had been assaulted.
COVID hit and hospitals were in full lockdown. As an “essential worker” I could travel to the hospital to see him, and because someone somewhere said I was his wife/fiancée I was the ONLY one allowed to see him.
I snuck behind friends and family’s backs checking in on him at the hospital. Singing The Carpenters songs, wearing his favorite perfumes, reading Bill’s Story (IYKYK), playing Phil Collins. The whole 9 yards.
The last time I saw him, he was in Physical therapy/Rehab. He ended up moving back to his parents in California. Then February the next year, on Valentine’s Day - his mom let me know he passed.
She grieved very much attached to me. It was one of the saddest things I ever had to help someone through - alongside helping her son go through alcoholism.
I became a CNA as a tribute to helping him during those hard sober times where his body gave out. Helping others like that, bathing them, diaper changing, g-tube cleaning, hygiene essentials…
The classic grief started with what-if’s. Etc. it’s been hard lately because all my family is against him and his family resents me for being the only one with access to his medical records during COVID. I’m in a relationship now and our therapist told me to “put a break on it”. Recently. My mental illnesses keep getting worse and I feel like no other has taken such interest in me as much as Ryan did. He was so observant. So in-sync with me. And he was so shitty to me. He’s like the sweetest tasting radioactive flower that once was and will never be. And I’m grieving. And it’s so lonely out here.
I don’t know. I’m not suicid@l, I’m medicated and 4 years sober. It’s been hard and it’s getting harder to understand. I feel neglected and lonely. Anything helps please.

The water washed over the side of the boat and made a drizzle that clung to my face as I turned to wipe it away. The sea was too rough around the boat to see much, and the clouds had come right down to my level, blotting out what the sea had not. The ship was heading towards deeper water, and between the rain, the mist, and the boiling fog, the ever more distant coast was a blur.
The storm had brewed up late in the day and had taken it’s time to reach the fevered pitch it was displaying presently. The sea was rising so high, it would block the view to land, making it impossible to see what was happening ashore. I should have been asleep in my bunk moored in the harbor, but instead, at this late hour, the boat and I were fighting this storm for survival.
As each wave passed, my vessel would glide into the valley behind, the walls of water on all sides stretching vertically to merge with the sky. Just as soon as the previous wave receded, a new mountain of water would present itself directly, forcing the little boat to again climb high up a watery slope. The ship would crest, giving me a glimpse of the rough and tumble ocean scape ahead, just before diving down into another valley.
Even so, I was happy to brave the weather, as the alternative was unthinkable. If this poor little vessel were to be smashed on the rocks with only me and my salt water soaked clothes to survive, I would count myself lucky. Clinging to some slick, slime covered boulder until the storm passed and the sun came out the following morning. I would fare better than my fellow villagers who were caught unawares by this impromptu disturbance. Some of whom had surely been swallowed up in the mist.
When I was young, my family lived in a small coastal village on the north side of White Rock island. Our old, whitewashed house rested on a small rise just south of the harbor. If you stood in the living room and looked out north through the plate glass window, you could see the harbor stretch out into the ocean beyond.
Each of the various boats in the harbor had a faded splash of blue or red or yellow color around the pilot house. Some had flags fluttering in the breeze. Aside from the windowed superstructures, they were all the same shade of white, stained with rust, barnacles and other imperfections. Each ship was unique in it’s own way, but only subtly so. Viewing them from afar, it was hard to notice, as they all looked the same.
I never really left White Rock, unless you count the time I went off and joined the Navy to fight in the war. I was foolishly excited to join the Navy. I believed the propaganda posters plastered all over town. I had no idea the horrors I would experience as an Engineman on a destroyer cruising through enemy waters. But that is a different story for a different time.
I attended school on that island. There was a small population, hardly big enough to justify a school, but we were very isolated and it was more difficult to travel to and from the mainland to attend school. There was only a handful of students of all ages and we had classes together in a one room schoolhouse about a mile east of our home on the hill. All of those people I went to school with are also still here on the Rock.
When I returned from the war, the reception was warm. I soon caught up with old friends and settled into a routine. I was able to recruit a few of them to help my brothers and I crew the Schooner which had patiently waited the several years I was absent. She is a 45ft ketch with a main sail, a foresail and a jib to help with tacking. We can unfurl a fisherman’s sail high above the main in open waters to add some speed. We carry nets and crab pots amidships, along with a small tender up under the fly bridge. My ship also has a 200hp diesel motor used for trawling and harbor travel. There are two holds and fully loaded, she can carry a good 20,000 pounds of fish. We have only ever filled her up about halfway on a week long journey. My Brothers, my childhood friends, and I make a jolly crew, and I am mostly thankful for the time I spend with them.
My Father was a mechanic and he worked on many of the smaller fishing boats in the harbor. He never left the island much and we did not own a boat growing up. The old timers would sit around, outside his workshop, playing dominos and telling tall tales. If I was not busy with chores, I used to love to listen to the tales the grizzled old fishermen would tell me as my Father worked on their dilapidated boats.
There were some common themes to these tales, and it didn’t take me long to understand that they were mostly bluff and bluster. They would recite fairy tales about mermaids and deep sea monsters. They would talk about long lost islands that were shown on no maps. There were stories of buried treasure and lost civilizations. All good fun and light hearted, chuckles and good natured ribbing all the way around.
Then there were the stories about the mist. The old timers would hush up and become reticent when this topic was broached. They would look over their shoulder as if paranoid someone or something was watching. You could feel a shiver run down your spine just at the mention of the mist, The air grew heavier, all of the color draining out, becoming more pale and dense.
The mist, from the stories, was a thick gloom that would originate somewhere out in the water and slowly drift into town with the wind. On days when the mist would visit, you could see it forming miles out in the distance. Getting thicker as morning grew into midday. At some point in the early afternoon, the old timers would say, with a shift in the wind, that thick soupy darkness would start to creep towards the island.
This was a warning to all of the inhabitants to get indoors, batten down the windows and doors, and camp out in the cellar until dawn. The mist can see as if it has eyes, they would say. The mist could hear you breathe, as if it had ears, they would say. The mist could pick you up and take you away, as if it had hands, they would say. And to speak, yes, the mist could speak as if it had a voice. The mist could convince you to leave the safety of your home and go on a journey. The mist could trick you into thinking a small child was outside and needed help. “Help me” the mist would sigh. “I am soaking wet and I am only 5, please let me in so I can get warm. It’s so cold out here…”
As entertaining as these stories were when I was a kid, they were just that, stories. Time passed, people came and went. The old timers faded away along with their boats. As I grew older, I was more and more concerned with ever more adult things and stories of spirits and water sprites were trivial. Fairy stories and tall tales didn’t pay the bills and I had a life to live.
My Father died in an accident when I was only 15. He was working on a trawler that had run aground just south of the entrance to the bay. The engine had failed and the boat had drifted into the rocks. My father was aboard when there was an explosion. He was burned over most of his body. We would visit him daily at the doctors house where he lay, suffering, in a delirium. He lingered for the better part of a year before passing on.
My Mother was devastated and she was never the same. We moved out of that old white house into another owned by my Uncle. I felt like I had to provide for her and my younger brothers. I soon found myself working as a hand on my uncle’s fishing boat. I learned the way of the sea, and would spend more and more time offshore. Each time I returned, I found that my Mother had grown more distant. She was spending more and more time with my Father in the great beyond and didn’t have as much to give to the real world. She was surrendered to a fantasy and soon she was unable to return to reality. Some call it dementia. When she passed, I was alone with my Uncle and my Brothers.
As a crew, and as a family, we had some great adventures. We travelled far and wide. We visited many a strange port and I held company with many a beautiful lass. We crewed my uncles boat, the Majestic Spirit, until he was too old for the work. When he decided to retire, he gave his boat to me. Now my Brothers, my friends and I ably vie the sea, aboard the Maj, in search of fame and fortune.
All this so I can describe to you my current predicament. You see, this morning started off like normal. After waking and eating my breakfast, I had strolled down to the docks to get an early start on some maintenance to the Maj. I had been putting it off for the last week. We had a long cruise coming up, planning to sail to the South Onda Straits, and I wanted to repair the fore hatch coaming before we set out.
As I descended the hill to White Rock Harbor, I noticed a dark gloominess miles off in the distance. Remembering the old stories made me feel uneasy. I told myself to ignore those old fairy tales and focus on the task at hand. I put my head down and walked faster.
As I arrived at the Maj, I noticed the gloom was thicker now. It was visibly rolling and changing color from gray to black and all shades in between. There were faint flashes of light from deep within. “Is that lightning?” I asked myself. Apparently I had spoken aloud as another fisherman, Phillip O’Perry, who owned the adjacent trawler, had overheard me as he jumped down onto the docks from the deck of his boat. “It’s the mist a’formin.” He said as he walked away. “I, for one, plan on getting drunk on Rum this ‘even…locked away in my cellar with wife and babes. I suggest you do the same.”
I hadn’t felt that chill since I was young. “Don’t be silly Phil!” I yelled back. “Fairy tales and sea shanties are fun, but they don’t put food on the table.” “Suit yerself” he said over his shoulder as he rounded the corner. “You’ll have a new story to tell either way tomorrow”. “if you live.” This last he added while sticking his head back around the corner he had just passed. A devious grin from ear to ear on his face, he said“Good luck to ya!” and then he was gone.
The white rock saved me.
Part 2 to follow soon! :D

Hey there!
like the title says I'm looking for my best friend, someone I can vibe with and talk to about anything never feeling judged or uncomfortable about it. someone I can watch movies with, joke around with go get some amazing food with and just genuinely enjoy our time together!
Honestly I would love for it to blossom into something romantic at some point however I want there to be a strong connection and friendship first and foremost.
You're probably wondering a bit about me so here's some quick info - I am a father to a beautiful 4 year old girl, I have a stable job and work from home, I have my own place too! I like to play PC games (wow, league, apex, POE to name a few), I love to cook and miss having someone to cook for, I love all animals and recently really got into fish keeping. as for movies I usually tend to watch comedies or thrillers as my main go-tos but happy to watch anything with the right person. as you can probably tell I'm a bit of a nerd which is very true so almost anything nerdy I'll probably like haha.
Physically I'm 6ft tall, and on the chubbier side of a dad body and while I do embrace the dad bod, as I am a dad, I am working on that by going to the gym and trying to live a healthier lifestyle as I want to stay active to keep up with my kiddo.
If this has peaked your interests and you'd like to talk more, please feel free to shoot me a message on here and I'll get back to you as fast as I can. Maybe start by letting me know the last thing that made you smile, and why? :)

I don't have many close friends. Only 2 that I would consider close.
My "best" friend had been súper busy for months. Were not young (early 50s) but have known each other for 20+ years.
I've tried to get together, called, texted. But she is always busy watching grandkids or cleaning her house, etc. Sometimes, she doesn't even call me back.
I finally asked her yesterday if something was going on, and she just unloaded on me. Says I make her uncomfortable because I sound like a "wounded rabbit" whenever we talk. And, she says it makes her uncomfortable doing anything with anyone else because she doesn't want me to feel leftout. But, I'm basically too needy and she wants to take a break from hanging out altogether.
My best friend of 20 years.
I was going to tell her I'd quit smoking 8 days ago. But, now I'm just sitting here bawling my eyes out, feeling embarrassed, and trying hard not to smoke.
What a harsh thing to hear. That I'm too needy. Didn't see it coming at all. Anyway. That's my day 8 story.

as the title says, I really like this girl, she’s the prettiest person ive ever seen and the coolest. we’ve barely became friends like 2 weeks ago but a few days ago she invited me to come hang out w her and her friends. i had so much fun and her friends were super respectful, i found out that night was her 20th bday, im 17 but i turn 18 in a little over 2 months and she doesn’t know, she’s never asked abt my age and i’ve never brought it up. but i’ve never flirted w her or made a move or anything, what should i do? im scared that if i make a move that it might ruin this start of a really good friendship

How do you go about dating if your over 21+ but you rely on parents for transportation
Hi. I am an individual with multiple disabilities/health conditions (anxiety adhd and possible autism) and I’m 25. I was wondering how you go about dating if you rely on your parents for transportation. Unfortunately I have a condition that causes limited depth perception so I am not sure driving is the best option for me and I’m also afraid to learn even though my doctors say it wouldn’t hurt to learn. I also have t1 diabetes. Unfortunately I live in a rural area with limited transportation options too. Given that I am My mother’s only child she is very overprotective of me (and the few friends I have always comment this). However, she does talk about me moving out but I’m almost certain she wouldn’t let that happen because she’s over protective even though we fight all the time. I should also clarify that I love my mother and she can be my friend but she’s also very overprotective.
Case in point: I needed to get somewhere the other night and neither my parents (my father seems to think my mom is the only one who needs to drive me around sometimes) could take me, and I put it out on fb (just my friends list) that I needed a ride but my mom saw it and said I’m not letting you get in car with someone I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t have gotten a ride from a murderer…but she yelled at me and made me take it down. Thankfully I did get a text from a family member that they could take me where I needed to go. But that incident made me think what if I met a guy on a dating site and we clicked but I needed a ride to get there and my mom said no. I mean dating is part of how I would move out, but I’m not sure my mother understands that online dating is how the majority of people meet these days. I don’t feel like my mom is abusing me or necessarily being mean but she’s just way over protective. I do plan to bring this up with my therapist as well. Does anyone have any ideas?