I cant feel pain if i dont exist. I would much rather have never been born but beggars cant be choosers so i might as well make do with the next best alternative. I have existed for 21 years, i have no prospects, no close confidants aside from the one person whose heart i broke and in turn broke mine, and no sense of direction or motivation. I made a choice i thought would protect her from pain and disappointment, and ended up causing so much pain and disappointment she could no longer bear the idea of being with me. She could no longer see a future for us. We had spent so long discussing possible futures, destinations, careers, even fucking pets, and in one moment i ruined that reality, or possibly rather revealed its unreality. If she couldnt accept me at my worst, most shameful state, did she deserve to see me at my most proud? If there is a God he, she, or whatever fucking pronouns they use are a cruel manipulator on a cosmic scale. 1.5 years may be a blip in the eyes of some master creator but im barely 2 decades old and this shit has been a massive fucking chunk of my life so far. I know theres other people, i know the key to happiness is working on myself, but why should i even fucking bother when all i want is to devote my life to her? Some find solace in religion, praising and worshipping whatever deity some guy thousands of years ago pulled out of their fucking ass and maybe that brings them peace. I wish it did for me. I wish i was able to keep believing that some guy in the sky created an entire race of sentient beings out of fucking dirt and then somehow had a son with one of these dirt gremlins for the sole purpose of this son dying ‘for the sake of our sins’. I wish so badly this made sense to me. Maybe then i could direct all my energy to that and find purpose in it. But i dont. And i cant. It just makes no sense to me. Id rather put my energy and soul into someone i can perceive, after all perception is the only confirmation of our reality. I cant see some sky daddy up in the clouds, but i can see her. I worshipped her, i praised her. If there was a God it took shape in her. They say he made us in his image but the only proof of that i can see is corrupt, selfish, and altogether destructive to itself and the world he supposedly created for it to foster. If we are the image of God then he is a vile, ugly, sadistic being. I remember learning in school about tragedies, and their main defining trait is that they revolve around the downfall of the protagonist due to a flaw of their own they were unable or unwilling to overcome. Humanity is a fucking tragedy. The only animal cursed with the knowledge that we are slowly decaying. What kind of existence is that? Im supposed to find purpose knowing im just a sack of atoms with an unknown expiry date? How do i live knowing everything and everyone around me will not only cease to exist at a certain point, but if our mess of a species manages to make it into any sort of distant future, most of us arent even likely to be remembered? I hate sentience, i hate existence, and i hate pain. I hate the way my heart aches when i see her. I cant seem to escape this prison of affection she has me in. i hate that i let myself be so vulnerable and then hurt her so badly she can no longer be vulnerable with me. I worked so fucking hard to earn her trust. It was a fucking grueling experience. And i would do it all again if given the chance. The looks of mistrust turning to a deep reliance, as i slowly peeled away the layers to her soul. She used to describe her trust as eggs she was putting in my basket, and the day she said i had all her eggs might have been the most loved i ever felt in my life. 2 weeks ago she told me i broke one of her eggs, and she had to take them back now to protect them. I dont think ive ever felt so much pain and remorse as i did in that moment. Not only for hurting the person i cared about most, but because i have to live with the fact that that unreality we had built together would stay that way, and it was all on me. I hurt her, and i hurt myself. I know theres probably someone out there with more shared interests, with more quippy one-liners, possibly someone im even more attracted to physically. But i just dont fucking care. What point is there in chasing that when it could all get fucked like this? I cant do this again. I wont do this again. Its too much. I think i might be done. One of these days i might finally get the fucking balls to do it. ive been so scared for so long. The afterlife, my family and friends, her. But fuck it. My parents see me as the problem child, and they wouldnt even be fucking wrong. My siblings barely know me and i barely know them. Visiting home is like a hotel where im constantly reminded of how much of a failure i am and all the ways everyone around me is better. And im genuinely not even jealous. I could care less about any of my cousin’s lifestyles, or my sisters much better academic performance and artistic skill, or my brother’s athletic prowess. I really am happy for them, they all deserve it and more given the work theyve put in. The only thing i give a shit about is the fact that i get treated less because of these things. I just want to be able to live my life without being put down for choices that im happy with. I just want genuine fucking support, and when i fail to not have it shoved in my fucking face as if i dont already feel like enough of a shit sack. I dont need a 6 figure salary i need a fucking support system. A small but significant part of me holds a deep resentment for my parents for actively choosing to bring me existence. When i get the fucking chance i might just have to take that existence into my own hands and strangle it away, but for now im too much of a fucking pussy to try. I dont even know how id do it. I want it short and painless, almost instant if possible. I dont want any chance of survival in the form of life support, so maybe looking into a dnr would be useful but i dont even know where to start with that. Ive heard of a trick with the car exhaust, but i dont own a car and i dont want anyone finding my dead body in their vehicle. I just want an easy death, life has been hard enough. I feel like im tipping over the edge

It just occurred to me that I'm running the same MacBook Air I bought in 2014 as a backup laptop, actually I tend to keep it in the shade on the deck in the summer (it's a covered deck). So I sit in the hammock, or a I have a tablesaw and same carpentry tools and I do little projects and I just spend a lot of time surfing on this laptop. It's not my work laptop, and I have a main personal computer, but if I'm on the deck or working around the house and I need something that's a convenient size to carry around with me, while troubleshooting the car or motorcycle in the garage, whatever I grab the Macbook.
It hasn't offered updates for the OS in some time, so today I'm downloading Ubuntu to give it a longer, secure life. While downloading it occured to me: this is the original battery; it's never been replaced. I've never had to repair or replace any part of it, and it does sit outside all summer.
The reason I originally bought it is that I needed a laptop for work, and it had to fit in my motorcycle saddle bag and be light and easy to carry because I had a very bad herniated disk. I wanted to maintain my abililty to use and support a Mac in an office environment. I didn't really want to spend the money and I'm not really a Mac fan; I prefer Android for my phone. But I always wanted a quality laptop, I earn my money in technical support and wanted a quality piece of hardware. I think I remember liking that it had an Intel cpu
I don't use it like that anymore, so it got repurposed as the "deck/house repaigarage" laptop and I tend to use it all summer long.
It's really stood the test of time, and I can't believe that it sat on a shelf all winter for six months straight with no charging; normally I keep it on the charger all winter but this winter I was lazy. I just plugged it in this morning and let it charge. It's been running on charge for the past hour ++ maybe 2 hours and it says: 78% batter power
so, the battery STILL holds a charge. I'm totally sold on this laptop now I love it all over again. I can't wait to see how Ubuntu runs.
The only downside: 4 GB Ram limitation, can't upgrade the RAM. It runs a little hot as a Mac OS but I'll take the time to tweak it to run better under Linux
All that being said, today if I bought a new one, I couldn't justify paying MacBook prices. I would probably find a slim Chromebook for my "mobile" laptop. I will say that I've always felt that Mac products were the bomb from a design standpoint, they have the absolute best quality control for consumer hardware, but you paid for it and as such I felt the cost was simply too high. After this experience in reliability I can say if you want to spend your money on a Mac, spend it. I wonder how long this delightful aluminum slab will run for

Just for some context, I got my driver's license near the end of my senior year in high school but have barely driven since then and now I'm completely out of touch. It's to the point that I kind of get nervous every time I have to drive. I'm going to be on campus during the summer starting June and I'm considering just retaking driving lessons, from taking classroom courses in driving to practicing driving around campus and maybe a little beyond. I heard some students learned to drive or stayed in touch with driving through Austin Driving School, so I have some questions:

• What Austin Driving School location do you recommend taking driving courses and practice from (preferably NEAR campus, able to get there though walking or CapMetro bus)?
• I already have my driver's license, but will I be able to take courses and road practice again from scratch?
• I'm a very slow learner when it comes to driving, so after I retake online courses I'm looking to be able to drive a little bit everyday, even if it's around 1 hour per day. Is this possible with Austin Driving School?
• I currently do not have my own car and have only practiced using my parents' car. I know this may sound like a dumb question but for Behind the Wheel training, does Austin Driving School provide cars for students training?

Apologies for asking so many questions but I'm very keen on trying to get back to driving soon. Any answers and advice would be appreciated, thank you so much!

I am going to keep some of the information sparse to invoke some sense of mystery, and not because I'm not good at selling myself *wink*
24M from CST timezone (USA). I have a new job, but the problem? There is no one around my age. There goes that tried and true method of friendship! The other problem? I've worked third shift for the last 4 years... so my social life is pretty nonexistent. You can see why I am on this subreddit tonight LOL.
I am down to make some friends or even new best ones, but all I ask is that you are not a dry texter and 20+.
I like to read fantasy/ science fiction books and sometimes watch anime (could use some recs!) I have a bad habit of wanting to be a cheapstakes so you can often find me fixing my car because I was too stubborn to take it to a mech. I like to walk down trails and drive back roads with the windows down. No one can hear me blast Taylor Swift that way! I like to find new places to explore and be able to drive out to them. I also want to start switching up my clothes and style and could use suggestions!
I have been growing my hair out for the last two years, but I am inching closer and closer to getting the chop since it is starting to become annoying. I have my nose + ears pierced and want some tattoos in the future when I have the extra money to afford a decent artist. I like to listen to a whole bunch of different music genres, but I feel that a lot of my knowledge is shallow because of this. I would love to get some decent recs to add to my playlist. I have been in a country mood lately with the great weather. Some genres I like: r&b, pop punk, metalcore, rock, hiphop, OSTs, etc.
I am not much of a gamer, but I am willing to try some out with you if we happen to click. The main issue that I have is that I cannot remain interested all that long, and become bored too fast. I am not really into competitive games though, since it sounds like a bother to maintain. My dream job would be to become an author with enough success to have a sustainable and secure future, but I find myself never writing when I am off work lol. I am hard of hearing; throwing that out there because it could be cool to meet others as well.
Phew. I meant for this to be a lot shorter. So much for mystery, huh?
If you've read this far, hmu!

Cultivating a list of "must-know" things for a successful life before 18 is a noble pursuit, but there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Success can look different for each person depending on their values, goals, and circumstances. However, there are some key areas and skills that can build a strong foundation for navigating life after 18:
Personal skills:

1. Self-awareness: Understanding your strengths, weaknesses, values, and passions.
2. Resilience: Developing coping mechanisms and bouncing back from challenges.
3. Critical thinking: Analyzing information, forming independent opinions, and problem-solving effectively.
4. Effective communication: Expressing yourself clearly, actively listening, and building positive relationships.
5. Time management: Organizing tasks, prioritizing, and meeting deadlines effectively.
6. Financial literacy: Budgeting, saving, understanding debt, and responsible credit use.
7. Healthy habits: Maintaining physical and mental well-being through exercise, good diet, and quality sleep.
8. Emotional intelligence: Recognizing and managing emotions in yourself and others.
9. Adaptability and flexibility: Embracing change and learning new things throughout your life.
10. Empathy and compassion: Understanding and caring about the feelings and experiences of others.

Practical skills:

1. Basic cooking and home maintenance: Learning to cook simple meals and take care of your living space.
2. First aid and CPR: Knowing how to respond to emergencies.
3. Technology skills: Utilizing technology effectively for communication, research, and learning.
4. Driving, car care, and basic bike maintenance: Understanding traffic rules and safe driving practices.
5. Basic sewing and DIY skills: Fixing clothes, mending furniture, and doing simple repairs.
6. Research and information literacy: Evaluating sources and finding reliable information.
7. Public speaking and presenting: Being comfortable speaking in front of others.
8. Networking and interpersonal skills: Building and maintaining relationships with peers and mentors.
9. Time management and organizational skills: Planning and prioritizing effectively.
10. Learning a new language: Expanding your communication abilities and cultural understanding.

Career & Life Planning:

1. Career exploration and goal setting: Understanding your interests and setting realistic career goals.
2. Resume writing and interview skills: Presenting yourself effectively for job opportunities.
3. Researching and applying for colleges or vocational programs: Making informed decisions about your education.
4. Understanding basic legal contracts and documents: Knowing your rights and responsibilities.
5. Civic engagement and voting rights: Participating in your community and understanding the democratic process.
6. Environmental awareness and sustainability: Learning to live responsibly and protect the planet.
7. Digital citizenship and cyber safety: Protecting your online identity and using technology responsibly.
8. Understanding personal rights and responsibilities: Knowing your legal rights and how to advocate for yourself.
9. Building a support network: Identifying and relying on trusted friends, family, and mentors.
10. Volunteering and community service: Giving back to your community and making a difference.

Remember:

• This is not an exhaustive list, and the importance of each item will vary depending on individual circumstances.
• Encourage curiosity and exploration over rote memorization.
• Foster critical thinking and the ability to adapt to changing situations.
• Promote a growth mindset and the willingness to learn from mistakes.
• Emphasize self-discovery and pursuing passions in life.

Ultimately, helping young people develop these skills and cultivate a sense of agency will empower them to build their own definitions of success and navigate life after 18 with confidence and resilience.

Hello everyone. 24, Male, 270lbs, 5'11", quit smoking like 2-3 months ago.
So I'll start from the beginning. On June 22nd 2023 I moved to USA from a country in Europe. Everything ok at first, no issues at all. Used to live with a couple of people and it was all good. On October 1st I moved to another state where i was alone.
It was around March when I started feeling dizzy, vision was "blurry" like my peripheral vision was somehow bothering me and I was tired. I've been to an Urgent Care where they took some blood samples and did an XRAY of my chest. I posted pics with them but they looked like they are okay (normal for a 270lbs man).
After, I went to a cardiologist that did an echocardiogram and an EKG. He said everything is fine and gave me some Meclizine 12.5mg for dizziness.
Went to get my eyes checked for my peripheral vision and they said it's also okay. When I try to read something I just lose my focus also.
A week went by and some friends from my country visited me. During their stay I felt nothing, it felt like I had zero issues. They left and time passed by. Last week, May 10th I got a bit sick, with a sore throat, I lost my voice for like a day or two, had a little bit of fever but felt better after.
The problem now is the following. My blood pressure (I've been monitoring it home) ranges from 120/70 to 150/90(for example when I take it the first time might be 150/90 but after 5 minutes it can be 140/80 for example). My throat goes sore like I'm hoarse before going to sleep and when I wake up, but during the day is ok. I have crazy shortness of breath now, my eyes are again bothering me like I feel that something it's not normal.
When I do some effort, even the slightly effort I just can't breathe. Yesterday I went up 10 stairs, down 10 stairs and lost my breath. Went back in the apartment so I can take my blood pressure out of curiosity when I couldn't breathe and it was 180/99/89. When I do workout in the gym, the first minute cuts my breath but then I am not tired at all, I am okay and I can breathe normally, it's only that I'm just yawning quite frequently. After the stairs incident yesterday, been to the gym, did my workout cardio, climbed 11 floors and 5 min after my workout I took my blood pressure and it was around 140/80 (forgot to save it). Also when I press with my finger in the middle of my sternum, kinda hurts a bit but it feels like it's the bone that hurts from the pressure.
I will post pics with the EKG, Echo, Carotid Duplex, Blood Samples, everything.
People told me it's literally from anxiety/stress since I am alone and so far away from family. What should I do? The shortness of breath that I have right now I can really feel it, and it's bothering me so much.
BTW, I want to mention that I have a cat and we live in the same room, but I don't think it's from the cat.
Thank you very much!
There are the pictures with everything.

Another story I saw here recently reminded me of this. I work at a small extended stay type of hotel. Unfortunately with the housing crisis we get a lot of people who have lost their homes or otherwise have nowhere else to stay. We do regular hotel business as well, especially since one of the other hotels in the city (that I used to work at) was shut down and turned into apartments.
So onto the story. We had a guest staying here who kept extending day by day. You might know the type. Makes reservations last minute. Sometimes very late, after check out time at 11am. One day he refused to pay at all, so we asked him to leave. This went on for hours until I arrived at 3pm for my shift.
I was printing my paperwork and counting my drawer when he came screaming. He had all his stuff on a luggage cart and he was standing in the lobby hurling insults at my manager about how he was actually rich. He drove a better car than manager, that's for sure. Yes, of course. That's why he couldn't pay for the room. My manager asked him to vacate the property or he would call the police. The man said he was going to get a few more things from his room, opened the doors to the elevator and threw his phone in rage.
I watched as the phone bounced and slipped right between the little gap between the elevator and floor.
He went quiet. We went quiet. He sheepishly asked if we could get his phone back. My manager told him that we would have to call for an elevator technician. He still had to leave now though. I let him use our phone to call his mother to pick him up.
The technician was able to get the phone the next day, but I guess he learned a lesson about not throwing a fit (or your phone).

Hi y'all, I have a brand new hole in my short block at 74k miles. I absolutely love this car and feeling a pretty depressed from not being able to fix it up. It blew up on the warm-up lap down at the track last weekend, not really sure what happened.
If you guys could offer your condolences or share their experience with their FA20, it'd be greatly appreciated.
I have the funds to fix but I'm getting married in a few months and can't spare the atrocious $5,200 for a used engine with over 100k miles.
Ive been told to do an LS swap, K swap, or FA24 swap but I'm thinking just replacing the short block with a built one from FTspeed. I'd like to hear some opinions. I'd like it to one day be a time-attack car. Do I stick with the FA20?

Humans were always interested in evil, hell, devil, everything that's backwards from good, by the time of history of humanity people have adapted into their religions, and they believe how many miscellaneous religions exist, however in reality, there's just 2, first one is a belief in god or good and the second one is belief in devil or evil.
By those 2 beliefs, it's extremely easy not just to manipulate with singular person, but also with whole world. It's something like a domino effect, you begin with one, and then there shall be a chain reaction that will also cause influence to others. That is something that is strongest in us humans, but that is something that is incomprehensible for us.
I was always interested in that, why do lot's of people want to form contact with devil. Why does that attract, intrigue and interest them, why are there many cults and groups that are desperately in all possible ways attempting to form a contact with an evil side, the king of most evil, the devil.
That is where my story begins, it begun from my curiosity on why do people want to form a contact with devil so much. I was a student, moreso the best one in my entire class, others considered me to be a very smart person, a person with an intelligence that is above average, but I've possessed my bad sides as well, no one is perfect. My adventure begins with my one friend that trustfully informed me how he knows someone who is a participant in a local cult or sect, curious me was slyly and carefully asking about that person and cult and successfully I've received those informations, I contacted that person and told him how I would also like to become a participant in his cult. The first thing that was told to me obviously was how becoming something like that isn't such an easy and straightforward thing, because they solely pick those who are tremendously competent to be an adequate fit for their cult, I was determined to become part of it so I accepted.
It was 13th November a hour before midnight, when I've received a message to arrive on one place in which there was nothing, I knew that road that I was traveling with in my car at that night, around me were only fields and trees. I was told that after 3 turns I should turn left and go for another about 100 meters, and then next to the biggest tree I must park and get out, and after that I must make exactly 66 steps from the left of that tree, on that place I shall receive my first test. And that is what I've done, I got out of my car and observed around but there was nothing, just a sound of a basic night, when I made 66 steps, I stumbled upon one old book that was simply just laying on the ground, the grass on that place was obviously cut just so that book was noticeable. On the peace of paper that was glued on it said how should I go back to my apartment and read the entire book exactly 3 times and how I should do everything that says in it. The name of the book was "The Devils Bible" It appeared very archaic with its thick covers and yellowish heavily congregated pages, it looked like a real replica of a 500 year old bible but with all kinds of satanic symbols drawn on its covers.
I arrived at my apartment and read the book exactly 3 times, for such thing I required 3 days, but my determination was still strong, all kinds of stuff were written on it, about the creation of devil and the techniques he uses to spew evilness on this world, how to truly summon the devil, how to truly submit a victim to evil, how to sell soul, and many other miscellaneous infos about such diabolical stuff. I've remembered almost every word and read every page. However I was very skeptical about this book because the historical misinformations were ubiquitous in this book but, what I wanted I received it.
After exactly 6 days I received another textual message with an address, the address led me to an abandoned factory that was located in the edge of the city. 10 years ago that factory burned down and no one goes there anymore, apparently it's haunted and many suicides occurred there, that is why it carries a frightening history and goes by the name "Factory of Death". When I arrived in front of the factory I saw that light in one part is on, I came into a conclusion that someone was genuinely in there, before I went into it, the doors opened, and one man came out. To my surprise, that man had a very nice and elegant suit, he asked for a card that I had on the center of my book that I received, I gave it to him, and then he told me to follow him, and then I came into that room. The thing I saw there seriously left me frightened, about 20 people with black robes and hoods that covered their heads sat in a circle that on the center had a big bowl with fire, and on top was a giant cross that was turned backwards, on the walls a lot of satanic symbols were drawn.

I recently received a push from Tesla for a free 30 FSD trial. I did not ask for this, never will want FSD--drivers, car, and infrastructure not ready for it. Also, as long as Tesla refuses to add back LiDAR or radar to supplement their total reliance on cameras (which does not work), only adds to the fact that I do not want FSD.
More to the point, I cannot even rely on Traffic Aware cruise control due to phantom braking! Which, BTW, has nothing to do with driver attentiveness as Tesla will assert. Shadows cast across the roadway, changes in pavement color have all triggered phantom braking...I am lucky no one was following closely. Incredibly, a Tesla rep from the dealer told me that he uses TACC and has his foot positioned over the accelerator in case there is phantom braking! What is the point of cruise/speed control if you can't relax your foot and can't trust the tech!
Anyway, the problem is that I cannot respond to Tesla to tell them no, I don't want the FSD free trial because they do not have customer service. So, yes, I did disable it in my car but, that is not the point. Oh well...there it is. apologies for the long post but, somewhat cathartic to just do this anyway.

hi, i am 42 and i feel all i have in my life is my job and my parents of whom i live with.
i have no children or family or my own, and this failing has been eating away at me. tried to do something about it but nothing availed (career? string of dead end jobs. women? never reply or can ever get close to on a personal level). after my grandmum died a few weeks ago i really do begin to feel the clock ticking and this anxiety and worry, i dont know if thats a midlife crisis.
all i know, this is not just an episode of being 'down in the dumps'. its been something i feel its been growing inside me for years - not in my head, but feeling it from my gut. i'm starting to feel it interrupting my job. my get up and go has got up has gone. i just dont feel like working even though the rational part of me forces myself to just do it. i dont know if i have depression but lately i am in this state where i just dont feel like doing anything and i am just unhappy.
i used to be a gamer in my 30s as a hobby, but i havent even touched my ps5 for over 6 months. i've sold all my games. i just lost the will to play.
i have been seeing a counsellor for 11 years in trying to 'get help' (as everyone keeps saying) but i feel its done hardly anything for me. she has aspired me to do travelling to get out my comfort zone and meet people, which i have done. but thats it. even travelling is becoming meaningless now because i am constantly in this state of preoccupation. i know after a big holiday i'll never see those people again even if they add me on facebook or not (and when they don't, it hurts).
people say talk to friends and family. i have no real friends. never have. when i was a little boy in school, i was bullied. in secondary school i got focused on my studies thinking that eventually, a degree would unlock a life of fabulous riches. but i eventually learned the hard way with years of unemployment that it wasnt, back then. i tried reaching out to people, online via a facebook group, but it descended to insults and hurtful remarks that left me banned and made me punched the wall. my family doesnt know about my feelings, becaise from what i have seen, mental health is seen as taboo. they'll just admonish me, shout me down, tell me to get a grip. i cant really talk to them because they're going to deny theres a problem. and i dont want to break their hearts, especially my parents. i rather soak the pain than bring them in it. i love them too much to see them feel hurt for me.
social groups - when going out, if its not work or a family function, i largely have social anxiety. i so badly want to meet women and get a girlfriend, who hopefully becomes my wife and eventual mother to my kids and form my new family, but i just seem incapable of it. i just cant get close to a woman at that personal and intimate level. if i try, it results in failure and embarassment. at the rare times i did try, it just doesnt come out right. i once went to salsa dancing class in a big city nearby, trying to talk to women, but the anxiety was so overwhelming, i couldnt breathe, and thought i was going to have a heart attack, i had to get out of there. i never been back since. i dont even go to pubs. i think about women more and more - even women i wasnt attracted to at first, drives me crazy now. i remember when leaving a job to move to another, a lady colleague i worked alot with hugged me, and it felt unlike anything i felt before. it was amazing. the softness, the warmth, the care...its as if i was missing that my whole life. i was close to crying. i want to experience true closeness, and intimacy.
thats not to say i'm a virgin. i lost my virginity at 30 to an escort; that was a unsatisfying experience as even then i had anxiety and couldnt perform properly - i did it because i didnt wanted to be the '30 year old virgin'. i just cant seem to get close with women. i tend to obsess about them. my instagram feed is full of attractive women. seeing beautiful ones on tv, even if its just the weather girl or news reader, it drives me nuts. in my job, i work with journalists, and theres many women there. i can talk to them confidently and easily, IF ITS ABOUT WORK. the instances i tried to talk about life in trying to get to know them and get close to them, the barrier goes up. i can tell because they wont add me on fb or whatever. i just cant seem to hack it with women. no woman = no wife = no mother to my children = no family of my own = no legacy.
i appreciate some might say not having family should not mean one is a failure. however, as much as i tried to ignore it, i come from a culture whereby family trumps everything else - money, career, hobbies, everything. i been ignoring it for years. trying to chase a career, which ended up as a string of dead end temporary jobs. losing 15 years of my life to this, living from temp job to temp job, and going to over 200 job interviews in getting secure employment, enduring hundreds of devastating rejections. but, years later, i now have at least job security, which is most important, but am beginning to feel the limit of my pay. trying to chase a career, spending nights throughout the 2010s playing video games and enjoying my gaming career in that, playing adventure games...but now i have reached a point where i've 'run out' of games to play and nothing (except maybe gta6) will interest me in picking up a controller again. i've grown out of it, it seems. i even been travelling more too - i travel far, and so big holidays. from usa, to africa, to europe, to india, and soon to be going to australia... doing all sorts of holidays from cruises, ranch holidays, safari, hiking, group road trips, wildlife conservation volunteering, sailing the mediterrarian - grand, amazing experiences that does suspend my worries... but in the end, i keep coming back to them, this feeling of emptiness.
my big fear is seeing my parents get older and dying from a broken heart caused by me. my dad worked in construction but is retired and now freelances, and he tends to hurt himself in accidents as he gets clumsy. my mother works in a school. i have always lived with my family except during the years i was at university. i feel my mum and dad are my 'best friends' - sad as it sounds -and the thought of them both going to die somepoint in the future, fills me with dread. because i feel i have failed them, in not continuing the family line. failing to secure a legacy for us. to keep us all going, surviving through the next generation. when i think about it deeply, our bloodline has been passed down for thousands of years, surviving through all sorts such as wars, plagues, and revolutions. i feel compelled to continue it, as if its a duty, and i dont want my parents to die with their last thoughts being disappointment. i can see it in my dads eyes already, the sadness. he wants to play with his grandchildren, but he has none, and all his friends shows off their grandkids. similarly with me, i see people i went to school with, and ex-colleagues i used to work with...they all have kids and a house of their own and a car. i have none of that. i stand NO chance buying a house of my own as i simply can't afford it, and renting will be throwing my money away living on other peoples crap. i said to my parents i want to inherit this home when they go, because my memories are here. my history. our family memories. my happy childhood memories, growing up, the birthdays, playing with my brother, my parents, the fun times growing up, coming back from school, doing homework, watching football together on the TV in the 90s, our first pc, all of it. all of these amazing experiences back then, i love to go through again, but this time with my own kids, seeing them grow up, playing with toys, drawing, having a first pet, etc...to navigate life with them as a father, and teaching them what i believe is required to be a good person.
before you say it, i'm not just doing it for my parents. i want a family for myself. i feel if i failed to have children, failed to find someone who loves me, failed to have any friends, failed to have had any influence or imprint on the world nomatter how small - i actually feel i'm not part of this world. to quote ellie from the last of us, my life would not have 'fkn mattered'. its as if i am a 'watcher', if that makes sense, not part of the fabric of this world and civilisation. watching it all from a window. that'll lead me to questions like why i am i here, leading to a probable, and painful, full-on existential crisis. when its my parents' time, when they grow old and die, and if i'm left all alone, i dont think i'd want to live anymore. i'm praying to find something. of course, i know i have to DO something, but my mind draws a blank. i cant ignore what my body is telling me anymore. but then, i step outside the house, and i dont know what to do, socially. when i approach someone, i get anxiety attacks. in my town, people are aggressive - its also possible if i approach a woman here i might end up getting assaulted, shouted at or shamed. sometimes theres no place to really go as i live in a small town. and as you get older, its harder to make friends, as people already have their established circles. i even remember my ex-manager talking to colleagues about this when we had a drink once and she asked 'how do you meet people' even though shes in her 50s and has established family and friends - indeed. how, for those who do not.
for coping, some people elsewhere suggested exercising. this is something i tend to do, but perhaps not enough of. i like to go on walks. theres a public park where i go and feed the ducks. seeing animals makes me happy. when the baby ducks swim to me wanting the kibble food it makes me feel wanted. i love animals. from dogs, cats and ducks - to even wild animals like the tigers i saw in india. i also did some hiking holidays, including going through some american national parks like yosemite, where i saw a family of bears at a distance. travelling is something i like to do too - in fact, i have more 'big' holidays coming up in usa again (alaska this summer), then australia, europe (croatia), the canadian rockies and maybe south america. i do these trips to get that out-of-body, 'blown away' feeling, of being thrilled, alive, and enjoying and experiencing life. it does help. but travelling is expensive. i'm not made of money.
all i want, is my own family..

I grew up in a highly dysfunctional household and ended up moving overseas where I met my husband. We live a 24 hr flight away from all my relatives but I try to keep in touch and visit a couple times every year.
This is my second time visiting since my 1 yr old was born, and once again I am being disrespected and used by a sibling and parent. I’m traveling alone with a toddler, I spent thousands of dollars on flight and accommodations, and I even made an extra 8 hour flight to see my sibling. But my younger adult brother has cursed at me, yelled at me, ignored me, scrolled on his phone and is generally acting like it’s a huge inconvenience that I’m here with his nephew. It really hurts.
I’m just sitting in the hotel room because brother “doesn’t feel like” driving us anywhere and there isn’t a bus line near our hotel. I took brother’s car out this morning, with his permission because he was hungover and sleeping all morning, and it caused a huge fight because I drove too far apparently. I was hoping this time would be different but it’s just the same old routine.
Anyway. I could go on and on but basically I want to remain open to one day having a good relationship with my family, but I don’t know how to “keep the peace” and model self respect and healthy boundaries for my son. It seems like the only way I can exist around these people is if I let them walk all over me. I mean nobody else in the entire world has ever spoken to me the way these people speak to me.
I try to give my brother and my parent grace because I know they come from dysfunctional homes and deal with their own trauma/addiction/mental illness, but also I was raised in the same environment and I would never in a million years treat anyone like they treat me???
Anyone have any advice? I really don’t know how people deal with this sort of thing. I don’t want to cut anyone out of my life and my son’s life just yet. I’d love to have a good relationship with my family one day but I don’t know how it’s possible.

So recently my relationship has felt very cold and quiet. Ive been with my girlfriend for about a year now and the past month or two things have just been mundane and lackluster. At first everything was great, she was cool, holds down a job, helps me with my house, very loyal, great intimacy, everything I wanted in a women. She had some traumatic things happen to her in her childhood that kinda makes her hate most men. Because of these traumatic things our intimacy has gone completely nonexistent over the last 2 months. I don't hold this against her nor is it a deal breaker for me, however, more recently she's also become cold and distant toward me. We don't have those warm conversations or spend much quality time together anymore. We started living together more prematurely than what most people but from the beginning we had a good balance. I've owned my home for a couple years now and its far larger than I need for just me so when she started moving in after only a month or two, it didn't really bother me. I was happy not to be alone in this house anymore. I cover all the bills for the house, food expenses, and basically all of our life needs. She does most of the housework but I still try and do my fair share although it is less than her. Being the financial backbone doesn't bother me, I'm blessed to live as comfortably as I do. and, I'd rather her put her income into her bills like her Car, phone, and Insurance expenses as well as her lavish purchases. Basically I say all this just to give the dynamic of our relationship to you readers as best as I can.
Recently, we've just been disconnected from each other. I've tried to talk about this with her but she really just gets defensive and shuts down on me. She also hasn't really felt comfortable with me touching her in any endearing way like a hug. Which is understandable considering her tragic past. The only conversations that seem to mean anything to her is when she asks me for money for a bill she's behind on, or gas money, or money for a vape. Not only is there a clear lack of communication and intimacy, We also have very different religious beliefs. I'm a devout follower of Christ and she's more agnostic. Again that's not a deal breaker for me, I don't demand her worship to Christ just as she doesn't impose her spiritual beliefs on me, however, I believe my religion has in some way caused her to lose respect for me which I don't understand.
I would be lying if at times I didn't feel as though I was being used for my home and comfortable financial situation. Part of me believes that she's with me because she loves me, and the other part believes that she's scared to leave me because she financially cant.
To the point I've made earlier about how she hates most men, I feel like I've become another man who she looks at with distain simply because I'm a man. So what I'm asking are a few things, Am I going to get anywhere trying? Is it better for the both of us to go our separate ways? Is there an alternative that Im not seeing? Any advice or comment I would appreciate greatly. Thank You

As you can tell I’m knee deep in my fuckup. YouTube guys made it look easy, so I thought I’d give it a try. The video I watched the guy did not even have to lift his car, that’s really what inspired me to try.
Couldn’t get the oil filter off with my hand
So I googled the issue and found a suggestion, pop a hole in the oil filter to release pressure?
Sure, popped a hole. No dice, bigger hole didn’t work either.
Back to google found folks suggesting to use a strap wrench or oil filter wrench.
Went to Home Depot as it was the only thing in walking distance. Strap wrenches out of stock ,chain wrenches also out of stock? No oil filter wrenches
back to google. Now I’m referencing obscure forums from years back trying to find my answer.
Suggestions say stick a vice on the mf’r and give it a turn. Bought the vice but could not for the life of me get in secured in the hole I made.
Now I’m panicking, Uber to autozone for an oil filter wrench.
My previous attempts must have beaten the filter out of shape because the properly sized wrench one seat. Tested it on the my same filter before leaving.
I have no clue what to do. I have nothing to lift the car besides the emergency jack. I’m about to call a damn to truck to a mechanic or something but I can’t afford to.
TLDR: filter misshapen won’t except wrench. No tools to lift car.
Gave it a go,

TL;DR it's basically another 5 years of long distance and even then we don't know if we will be able to close the distance or not. And if we do, it will be against both of our wishes, just for the sake of our relationship. There is no certain end to the distance.
I know it's a bit long but please advise.
So me (21M) and my gf (20F) have dated for almost 3 years now. We were high school sweethearts and only the past 7 months of our relationship have been long distance. I moved to Germany to do my bachelors and we didn't break up cause we both really love each other. We have been together so long and it is a very stable, mature relationship unlike any of my peers. I would marry her if I could.
Since I'm an international student and she is 6000kms away, I can only afford to go home once a year. We are from a conservative muslim majority country where it's very hard to have any privacy or autonomy as a young couple. We haven't even kissed in 3 years together 🤯. So getting married at such a young age is not possible esp when I'm a student myself.
The real problem is that she is in medical school right now and will complete her studies in 4 years. After which, she plans to take USMLE (US Medical Licensing Examination) and move there. I believe she will be successful because she is a nerd honestly XD. A lot of time involved in getting matched in the US and getting a visa. So basically it will take her maybe 5 years to get to the USA. She has been hoping that I move there with her, I will be done with my bachelors by then and we can get married there. She also says that as a medical professional, the best place to work is in the USA as the apprenticeship is shorter there and they pay their doctors the most. So she isn't open to considering any other countries. Training in the UK is 7 years and it's half that in USA. So that explains why she wants to go to the USA.
Problem #1: I intend to settle in Germany as I have a passion for cars and that's the industry I want to work in. Germany is a pretty good country for that and the standard of living here is seriously good. You need to earn maybe twice or more to have the same standard in USA. I really don't admire life in the US. I would rather enjoy my free healthcare, paid days off, mental health being a valid excuse to stay at home and the crazy long maternal/paternal leave.
Problem #2: Since I am an immigrant here, I really want to stay here for the 5 years and get a German passport because I stand no chance of migrating to the USA on a third world country passport. Also uprooting your life like this and moving so far away from everything you love is incredibly painful. I cannot imagine doing that all over again to move to USA after spending 5 years in Germany and being fully integrated. I will also be more than a day's flight away in the USA from my parents and that makes me feel worse as the only son.
So now that I have explained our situation, it is another 5 years until we have any chance of closing the distance and that too will be in a country atleast one of us doesn't like or have much prospect in. I'm afraid we will spend another 5 years on our relationship only to be disappointed in the end when things don't work out cause there is no end seemingly. What should we do? Should we part ways? Should we stick together and hope that magic somehow brings us together in favorable terms.

I [M21] am at my wits-end with my SOs [F20] messiness
One year relationship
In the beginning of us being together this wasn’t the case. When I would come over she would usually have a clean room and even if it was even a little bit messy she would apologize and/or not let me in until it was clean. Over time her cleanliness seems to erode (I guess) over time, especially after moving into her own place with her sister (who isn’t much better). It’s even started to feel like her being clean and tidy in the beginning was a mask and I’m seeing the real her now
Examples:

• Her car

is always (ALWAYS) messy. It’s become the norm for me to have to push away trash on the passenger floor with my feet, there’s usually a cup that she uses for a small garbage/ashtray. There’s even other peoples trash (usually sister’s but friends too) that she complains about but doesn’t stop them from doing.
I remember one time her phone fell under the seat so I helped her reach it. I saw so much trash and food and filters and weed crumbs under her seats.
Ive expressed about this before and she changed temporarily. Eventually I gave up on it because it’s her car and I’m never in it for long (I don’t have my own car). Plus if it really bothers I just don’t have to be in it

• her room

has become a consistent mess. It’s crazy that she always apologizes for it when I come over but nothing gets done about it. She has clothes and dishes and wrappers on the floor, her nightstand is always cluttered, there’s even been times when she “didn’t get a chance to do laundry over the week” so we will sleep on towels or t shirts over pillows instead of having pillowcases.
I’m no neat freak but I was raised to be a good host but it seems she wasn’t(?) One time after we had sex I accidentally left a used condom laying around (nothing inside, just used). The next day she had a friend over unexpectedly. No biggie, she hung out her in her room for a bit while I watched tv in the living room. She told me after that her friend left and she saw it and pointed out the condom. I sincerely apologized to my girlfriend for it as I know it would be seen as gross and embarrassing. My girlfriend didn’t care, saying “this is my house”.
A few days ago (let’s say Wednesday) she told me she accidentally spilled her ashtray on the floor. Weekend comes and that spill is still on the floor. I laughed about it initially, thinking she would get to it. She never did, despite us eating and watching tv in the living room all night and it being as simple as sweeping it up. I even accidentally stepped on the pile of ash, filters, and sticks and expressed it made me upset. Still nothing done about it, instead just walks around it every time.
what am I doing about it?
You may be saying to yourself, “why not help out sometimes?” Well one, it’s her house so it’s not my responsibility. And two, I actually have. I’m someone who was raised to be a good houseguest as well. When I’m over her place I clean. Not only do I genuinely want to help sometimes but I try to take care of any mess I contribute to. I’ll wash dishes, take out trash from our food delivery bags, etc
You may also be asking, “well have you communicated this to her?” One, I feel this isn’t something a partner should have to bring up as it is her personal and basic well-being. I feel it’s weird to have to tell my partner about the importance of keeping her home/room clean. Plus if this basic thing is changed just for the sake of the relationship or because a partner brings it up, similar to her car, would be it be real change? Two, tactfully I mention it all the time: “the trash is getting full, you guys should do the dishes more often I don’t want y’all to get pests, I think you should throw out the food in that Tupperware in fridge being it’s been in there for a few months, etc
some understanding
She works too jobs, one at a daycare and another as an aba therapist. She was heavily abused as a child and endures emotional and financial abuse from her sister often. In my opinion, she has every reason to be burnt out and not have the energy to do even basic things sometimes. She does try to be better. Though she has back problems that deter her from being able to do the dishes in one go she has done it here and there. She has cleaned the bathroom, washed her clothes, and keeps bed bed clean. It sounds like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I know, but I’m saying these things to say ‘I don’t think she’s lazy. I think she’s dealing with more than she can handle externally and internally and it’s affecting how she lives. I see her efforts and I don’t want it to come across as me condescending’. (Therapy would be helpful imo but she lacks the time and desire, she says).
TL;DR: my so has become messier and messier over time. She deals with a lot so I can get not having the energy to always clean but it’s a little crazy at this point. She wants to improve a lot in her life so that leads me to be hopeful but I’ve heard you shouldn’t be with someone for their potential. Perhaps I’m taking this too seriously
What do you think?

(Spanish is my first language, excuse my grammar) I am a 31 year old woman, I grew up in the hood in the Dominican Republic, by age 9 I was taking care of my younger siblings (one with special needs) while my mom went to college and my dad was working, I was always wearing ugly clothes and being bullied because of it. My mom was very emotionally abusive towards me and made me feel like a burden, saying that I had to be grateful she was paying for food and rent and as the oldest daughter it was my responsibility to take care of my siblings,my dad was alcoholic and financially abusive.
During my adolescence I was surrounded by bad friends who emotionally abused me as well, of course I was trained from home to accept mistreatment and being a people pleaser, my mom being a narcissist, raised her golden child son to be just kike her, he was receiving special treatment always, and he also became emotionally and financially abusive and made my early twenties a living hell demanding money and using my things etc, in spite of everything I went to college and graduated law school, got a job and started to stand up for myself. Then the dynamic change and they started to give “fair” treatment but as I matured I realized it was out of convenience because I was helping out everyone financially. Paying bills etc, my brother never paid a bill and was working doing illegal activities, had a son that my mom was supporting financially while he was living his best life, My mom used to be Jealous if I bought something for myself, she had a fit when I bought my first car and was making fun of me because I wasn’t driving the car because of driving anxiety.but when my brother illegally brought his first car she gave him her blessings etc.
I always knew I needed to get out of that environment, when I was 24 I met my boyfriend, now husband who asked me to marry him and come to the states to start a new life. I accepted, got married and moved to New York with him , but the abuse I started to experience with my in-laws was 5 times worse.
I married my husband blindly, ignoring the red flags. He was just like a my dad, passive, with no leadership skills or masculinity to stand up for myself or our children, I now know I was attracted to my husband because he felt like home, but it turns out home is not always safe, I ignored the red flags because it felt familiar. My mil was a covert narcissist who tried to destroy our relationship, emotionally and psychologically abused me during my postpartum, yelling at me, calling me names, and putting the whole family against me with lies, She will buy gifts for all the children in the family during events but my kids, throw away the food I cooked and smeared my name to anyone who would listen, I never lived with her, she was the one going to my house to cause trouble, last thing she did was plant condoms on my husband luggage, luckily he was the one who found her doing that and opened his eyes to who she really was, I managed to scape and start over at 30 in Florida, that’s when I finally started to heal, went not contact with 85% of people I knew. My husband came with me to Florida as well and it’s working on himself and traumas.
For some of us life start at 30, I never choose to be born and raised in that environment, I feel empowered knowing I have a choice now, now I trust myself, I am healing all those negative traits I had to embrace to survive, I am raising emotionally mature children in a safe environment and yes, it has been very hard but I am proud of myself and how far I have come, all for the grace of my father God .
Though your mother and father forsake you I will never leave you. psalm 27:10

Oh Hi,
So I am an American man that married a Filipino woman. I know, shocking right? We will chose to live in the Big Sasig for a few years at least, instead of the US. When I tell my people this, they can't understand. Why wouldn't you bring her to Socal? Higher standard of living, or whatever.
So here's the thing. In the area of the US Im from (Los Angeles), its true we do have a lot. You can get literally anything you want, and the standard of living is generally better, I guess. But guess what? It's never enough. Have job? Need better job. Have house? Need bigger house. Have car, need 2 cars. Have a degree? Need advanced degree. It's never enough, and while Im making a lot of exaggerations, people mostly aren't happy.
Enter the provinces. Nothing can define Filipino mentality more than this. My wife is part of a group where everyone puts money into a "pot" every month. They discuss their lives and decide who is most in need of the money this month. I forget the Tagalog word, but it's such a wholesome thing to do. It's beautiful, and totally on the down low. It really helps people, and creates a strong community. Contrast that with the American mentality of "I gotta get mine first", and by the way it's never enough, and you'll see why I want to stay in the PH. Family is everything. Literally no divorce. While we make it so easy to just shit on everything back home. I think because we are so used to having so much, we take for granted the things we have.
Its still isn't entirely clear to me why the Filipino people are so happy compared to Americans (generally speaking), but I chose to live with the happy people. Good luck trying to keep up with the Karens.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Thankfully I am 100% fine, physically at least. Psychologically and emotionally I am disturbed. Someone ran a red light and smashed the front of my car and just took off from the scene.
I just feel so unbelievably violated that someone would leave me with so damage and then just take off like that. The stress of filing a claim and needing to take my car to get assessed for cost of damages doesn’t help either. It just feels so unfair that I have to deal with this.
I’m proud to say I did not give into drinking to cope with the emotions. I am just sitting here in the suck of it all.
Does anyone have any stories of something similar happening? Or any words of encouragement? I’m sorry mods if this isn’t allowed I know it’s kind of off topic. I just know that feeling less alone always helps move through the urges to use alcohol. Thanks for reading ❤️