I'm not surprised because honestly it did sound too good to be true. But I had lemon bottle done at a professional clinic for £100 and it's been a week and I've seen no change. I've been as active as I can in the confines of work, I've drank up to 2L water per day or as much as I can, I've done my aggressive massaging of the area multiple times a day. None of which by the way they told me to do as aftercare, I just gathered online through research that it all helps the loss.
All of these online videos are very misleading - I didn't expect an instant skinny jaw but I expected at least some weight budging by now. I'm also a little upset at paying so much for a procedure that costs much less online and that I don't feel has done anything. I'm not a big lady, but I have a little stubborn 'turkey neck' which is genetic to my family. Has never gone away even when I was underweight growing up and was always made fun of.
My job actually works with needles so I feel like I have some of the safety knowledge and capabilities to administer further lemon bottle myself. Has anyone had experience with this? Did a second round finally show results? Perhaps I'm not giving it long enough to notice results on this first round.

A state-owned printer will charge the government an additional NT$202 million (US$6.27 million) in maintenance fees for the suspended digital ID program.

Due to the indefinite suspension of the digital ID card program, the Central Engraving and Printing Plant said the increased costs for materials, manpower, and utilities during the postponement period will be billed to the Ministry of the Interior (MOI) every six months, reported ~CNA~. From January 2021 to the end of December 2023, the appropriated expenses amounted to NT$202 million.
In 2021, the Cabinet temporarily suspended the digital ID card initiative. The Legislative Yuan's Internal Administration Committee recently approved the "Operational Guidelines for the Digital ID Card Replacement Policy and Budget Implementation Review Task Force," which will operate from April 17 to May 31, with Independent Legislator May Chin (高金素梅) serving as convener.
On Wednesday, the Interior Administration Committee inspected the Central Engraving and Printing Plant to inspect the new ID card printing facilities and maintenance management. According to the briefing from the factory, in June 2019, they received a commission from the MOI to produce "Digital Identity Cards" and anticipated completing the comprehensive replacement within 2.5 years after the program commenced.
The factory said that in February 2020, they completed the bid for the PC chip card and printing equipment B-type project and signed a contract with TECO Electric & Machinery Co. Ltd. From June to August of the same year, they completed the procurement of peripheral equipment and the renovation of factory premises, and equipment inspection was completed in December.
However, on Jan. 21, 2021, the Cabinet decided to temporarily suspend the new ID card project.
The factory said that on Feb. 24, 2021, the MOI requested the plant report the increased costs during the contract suspension every six months. On Oct. 3, 2022, TECO Electric & Machinery Co. filed for dispute mediation with the Cabinet's Public Construction Commission (PCC), and mediation was established on Jan. 19, 2024.
The factory explained that the card production area adopts independent control, ensuring the entire process is confidential, with multiple access control points and continuous video surveillance. The first floor houses the MOI's office, semi-finished and finished goods warehouses; the second floor is for card inspection, packaging, and boxing operations; and the fourth floor is for card personalization operations, inspection area, and computer room.
The factory noted that funds have been allocated every six months, and from January 2021 to the end of December 2023, the allocated funds amounted to NT$202 million.
In 2018, the government announced it would replace traditional paper-based identity cards with electronic identification cards (eID) at an estimated cost of NT$4.89 billion over 10 years. The cards were originally scheduled to be issued in 2020 but were postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic and were ultimately suspended in 2021 amid concerns of increasingly sophisticated cyberattacks.
Suppliers last year asked for ~NT$1 billion~ in compensation from the government, but only after six rounds of negotiations in January, the PCC said an agreement had been made. In March, the final amount agreed to be paid to contractors was set at NT$280 million, reported ~Storm Media~.

I'm having self-doubt if this post is in good taste or not, or I'm the one being paranoid here.
So hear me out first.
Char Dham Yatra is supposed to be done to connect your inner self with the God and attain salvation. It means to wash away all the sins and start the life with new motivation.
But so far, I have only seen people coming here just for the sake of coming here.

1. If you really care about being devotional, then why can't you see the sufferings of mules being employed in the Yatra. As a pilgrim, you should see their pain and how horribly they're treated. What I mean to say is I despise those kinds of people who are unable to carry out the Yatra by foot and then employ the service of mules. It's a known fact that how horrible these mules are treated. Yesterday, I saw a real in which few mule owners threw a barely alive mule in the gorge just because he was weak and couldn't carry the pilgrims. I know their sufferings is not on the pilgrims but I can't understand how a person can even sit on a mule who has his ribs poking out of the skin. Though, full marks to those who carry out this treacherous journey on foot.
2. Cleanliness- I saw a video on Twitter in which the person was showing the line and the crowd. What got to me instead was the level of dirtiness in those streets. Every nook and corner is filled with garbage. You have come to the home of God and yet you dare to threw the garbage in the premises. The least you can do is carry that garbage back with you in plastic bags. It's a basic courtesy. Don't treat Dhams like your grandmother's house. Maintain some dignity.
3. Greediness - Every thing at these places are super inflated. Yes, I get that it takes a lot of effort to bring goods to that altitude and I'm all in for rise in prices by 25%, but the items being sold there are inflated upto 400% of their original MRP. Hotel rooms are available at 12k-15k per night. There is literally VIP Darshan if you have money. My father says that all this greediness by business owners lead to the 2013 disaster.
4. Of course the tourism - This has been highlighted very often and I wouldn't add anything to it except that the fact that these Dhams are pilgrimage sites, not some tourist hotspots like Kashmir or Manali.

These points indicate that there is actually a very less percentage of pilgrims who are there with true devotion. Thanks to improved accessibility, most of the "pilgrims" thinks this more as of taking a vacation. Hooliganism is at peak at these sites with people carrying band baaja with them, making reels, dancing, and some even bringing their pets as if they know what it means.
Apart from the people, I also think UK and Central govt is responsible for this.
I might be grossly wrong here, but this is what I think. I have no disrespect for the actual pilgrims, but I think there are more tourists than the pilgrims, and they are the ones who are distorting the sanctity of these sites.
​

Are There Specific Training Programs for Coaches in Sports for People with Disabilities?

Training coaches to work effectively with athletes with disabilities is crucial for ensuring that these athletes receive the support and guidance they need to succeed. Various organizations, including Special Olympics and Paralympic Committees, offer specialized training programs for coaches. These programs focus on understanding the unique needs of athletes with disabilities, developing appropriate training techniques, and promoting an inclusive and supportive sports environment. Below, we explore the different aspects of these training programs.

Understanding Disabilities

Comprehensive Education on Disabilities: - Types of Disabilities: Coaches receive training on various disabilities, including intellectual, physical, and sensory impairments. - Impact on Sports Participation: Understanding how each type of disability affects an athlete’s ability to participate in sports helps coaches tailor their approaches.
Creating Inclusive Environments: - Adaptation Techniques: Training includes methods for adapting sports and exercises to meet the needs of athletes with disabilities. - Promoting Inclusivity: Coaches learn strategies to foster an inclusive team environment where all athletes feel valued and supported.

Coaching Techniques

Skill Development: - Modified Training Programs: Coaches are trained to modify traditional training programs to accommodate the abilities of their athletes. - Progressive Skill Building: Emphasis is placed on gradual skill development, ensuring athletes progress at their own pace.
Communication Skills: - Effective Communication: Training covers techniques for clear and effective communication, considering the specific needs of athletes with disabilities. - Building Trust: Coaches learn how to build trust and rapport with their athletes, which is essential for effective coaching.

Safety and Well-being

Safety Protocols: - Risk Management: Coaches are educated on identifying and managing risks associated with sports for athletes with disabilities. - Emergency Procedures: Training includes emergency procedures and first aid specific to the needs of athletes with disabilities.
Mental Health Awareness: - Support Systems: Coaches learn about the mental health challenges faced by athletes with disabilities and how to provide appropriate support. - Referral Processes: Training includes information on referring athletes to mental health professionals when needed.

Certification Programs

Special Olympics Coach Certification: - Course Structure: The Special Olympics offers a comprehensive certification program that includes online courses, in-person workshops, and practical assessments. - Ongoing Education: Coaches are encouraged to participate in ongoing education and training to stay updated on best practices.
Paralympic Coaching Certification: - Sport-Specific Training: The Paralympic Committee offers certification programs tailored to specific sports, ensuring coaches have specialized knowledge. - International Standards: These programs align with international standards, ensuring coaches are well-prepared to train athletes for high-level competition.

Support and Resources

Access to Resources: - Training Manuals: Coaches receive detailed training manuals that cover all aspects of coaching athletes with disabilities. - Online Platforms: Many organizations provide access to online platforms where coaches can find additional resources, training videos, and forums for support.
Mentorship Programs: - Experienced Coaches: New coaches are often paired with experienced mentors who provide guidance and support. - Peer Learning: Opportunities for peer learning and networking are facilitated through workshops and conferences.

Advocacy and Awareness

Promoting Inclusion in Sports: - Community Outreach: Coaches are trained to engage in community outreach to promote inclusion in sports for people with disabilities. - Awareness Campaigns: Training includes strategies for raising awareness about the abilities and achievements of athletes with disabilities.
Encouraging Participation: - Recruitment Strategies: Coaches learn effective strategies for recruiting athletes with disabilities and encouraging their participation in sports. - Building Confidence: Emphasis is placed on building the confidence and self-esteem of athletes, encouraging them to pursue their sporting goals.

Impact of Training Programs

Enhanced Athlete Performance: - Tailored Training: Athletes receive training that is specifically tailored to their needs, leading to improved performance and skill development. - Supportive Environment: The inclusive and supportive environment fostered by trained coaches helps athletes thrive.
Positive Social Impact: - Increased Participation: Effective coaching leads to increased participation in sports among people with disabilities. - Changing Perceptions: As athletes with disabilities achieve success in sports, societal perceptions of disability and ability begin to shift positively.

Conclusion

Training programs for coaches in sports for people with disabilities are essential for promoting inclusion and ensuring that athletes receive the support they need to succeed. These programs cover a wide range of topics, including understanding disabilities, developing coaching techniques, ensuring safety and well-being, and promoting advocacy and awareness. By equipping coaches with the necessary skills and knowledge, organizations like Special Olympics and Paralympic Committees help create a more inclusive and supportive sports environment. The impact of these training programs extends beyond sports, contributing to positive social change and improved quality of life for people with disabilities.

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After a few frustrating weeks of trying to upgrade my Creative Zen Micro to 128gb, I finally succeeded on upgrading it. Here is a step by step.

With a Virtual Machine

Given that the software part can get very frustrating, I suggest that you first focus on creating a working environment based on your stock mp3 player. This will limit the number of things that can go wrong.
This was tested on a Windows 11 machine (called Host from now on).
Download Virtualbox. Use your own Windows XP SP2 image or find one (google: archive + WinXPProSP2ENG). Download the Windows Media Player 10 updater from here Download the Creative Zen Micro drivers and upgraders from here
Install Virtualbox. Install Windows XP on Virtualbox - this can be a big step if you don't have much experience in this field, but there are plenty of tutorials on how to do it - check the references below.
Now that you have your Windows XP VM (called Guest from now on) up and running, go to the Devices tab on the top of your screen and click on "Insert guest additions CD...". This will insert a virtual CD containing some Virtualbox drivers and you'll get a pop up on your Guest machine. Install them and reboot your machine.
Turn off your Guest machine.
Connect the Zen Micro to your Host machine. Your Host machine should recognize the player with no trouble.
In Virtualbox, click on your VM machine and go to settings > USB > USB2.0 > click on the 'plus' sign and add your device there. The name should be "Creative...".
Now, in the same settings menu, go to the tab "shared folders" and click on "add". Now, choose the folder you want to share between the Host and the Guest machines. Give it a name and a mount point. I picked "sharewithxp" for all the fields, including the name of the directory on Host. Check 'auto-mount' and 'make permanent' (if it exists).
On your Host machine, copy the files MP10Setup.exe, ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe and JB3MV2_PCWDRV_US_2_01_00.EXE to the shared directory you just created. Also copy MP10Setup.exe.
Turn on your Guest machine and go to "My Computer". You should see your shared folder in there. Copy all the files from there to your Guest's desktop.
Install MP10Setup.exe - this upgrades the Windows Media Player from 9 to 10. By experience, Windows Media Player 11 was problematic and apparently 9 isn't ok either. Stick to WMP 10. This was key for me. It really didn't work without WMP10.
Install JB3MV2_PCWDRV_US_2_01_00.EXE - these are the drivers for the Zen Micro.
Disconnect your Zen Micro from your computer. Connect it again. Go to devices > usb on the top menu and make sure your device is selected.
Execute ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe If everything went according to plan you should now see an "Upgrade" button. If you see said button - congratulations because this was the most painful part of the process. I realized that when the device is correctly loaded, the executable won't open right away - It takes a few seconds. If the device wasn't fully recognized, you'll see a message saying "Your player is not connected, please connect your player".
(If you got the dreadful second message and no "upgrade" button, try to reboot your Guest machine. Disconnect and connect your player again. Make sure it appears on the devices menu.)
Now that you have a working environment, let's move to the fun part.
Format your micro sd card (fat32 if I'm not mistaken) - I used a Sandisk Extreme 128gb (the golden ones) and it worked fine. Insert the micro sd on your CF-to-SD adapter. I got the the only adapter I could find (red one).
Disassemble your Zen Micro - there are tutorials and videos around that show you how to do it better than I possible could - check the references below.
Remove the CF card from the mp3 player and insert the adapter. Pay attention to the position of the old CF card. CF cards don’t have a big distinguishable difference on one side like sd cards do. It's really easy to get mistaken and connect it on the wrong side. The only differences are the slots/openings on both sides of the CF card/adapter - one is larger than the other. When the adapter is connected and in place, its label should be visible (pointing upwards). Take a picture of the original CF card if needed or check the video in the references below.
Assemble everything back but do not insert the battery right away.
Toggle the power button to the left and hold it that position. Insert the battery. You should now be in recovery mode. Navigate to "format all" and click ok. Navigate to "reboot" and click ok.
Connect your player to the computer and, in the Guest machine, make sure it is selected on the devices > usb menu.
Open ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe If everything went according to plan, the upgrade button should now be visible. Click. Wait. Enjoy.
[I also tried upgrading to ZenMicroP4S_PCFW_L16_2_21_02.exe and it worked just fine. However, I realized the player needs to reboot 2-3 times and when it did, it lost connection with the machine, so I had to disconnect the cable and connect it back again and it was picked up. If it doesn't, check if it is still selected on the devices>usb menu and try again.]
PS: Inside the Creative Zen Micro link, there are also 2 older drivers in there - I didn't test them.
References: https://www.reddit.com/ipod/comments/18e1698/creative_zen_micro_upgraded_from_5gb_hdd_to_a/ https://www.instructables.com/Upgrade-the-Zen-Micro-5gb-to-8gb-on-the-Cheap/ www.youtube.com/watch?v=VERkcCTJFyI https://www.intowindows.com/how-to-boot-and-install-from-iso-in-virtualbox/

Without a VM (native Windows XP running on a modern computer)

^Soon.

Last Event recap:
Derrick Lewis def. Rodrigo Nascimento
Joaquin Buckley def. Nursulton Ruziboev
Carlos Ulberg def. Alonzo Menifield
Carlos Diego Ferreira def. Mateusz Rębecki
Sean Woodson def. Alex Caceres
Waldo Cortes-Acosta def. Robelis Despaigne
Chase Hooper def. Viacheslav Borshchev
Esteban Ribovics def. Terrance McKinney
Tabatha Ricci def. Tecia Pennington
Trey Waters def. Billy Goff
Charles Johnson def. Jake Hadley
Veronica Hardy def. JJ Aldrich

Betting record 2024: 109-70
Prediction record 2024: 125-73
After looking at the matchups, this weekend’s card has to be easily the worst card of the year and honestly, I am not even motivated to watch this card and even I do not even recommend on betting on this card since these matchups are difficult to predict but I will try my best nonetheless because analyzing and making UFC fight predictions is what I love to do.
On another note, I am planning to create youtube videos on MMA soon. The channel will be KnockoutWatcher. So stay tuned for updates on those. Also you can find me at Tapology at “KnockoutWatcher”.

Featherweight: Edson Barboza vs. Lerone Murphy
Edson Barboza is renowned for his exceptional striking, particularly his devastating leg kicks and spinning techniques. He has a wealth of experience in the UFC and has faced top-level competition throughout his career. However, Edson Barboza is 38 at this point and he is way past his prime. He barely survived against Sodiq Yussuff in his last fight
Lerone Murphy, on the other hand, is an undefeated prospect with a balanced skill set. He combines solid striking with effective grappling, making him a versatile threat. Murphy has shown good composure under pressure and the ability to adapt his game plan as needed. His primary weakness is a lack of experience against the elite level of competition that Barboza has faced.
I have to be honest, I was going back and forth on who to pick on this fight and ultimately, I am going with Barboza here as he has more experience in this format and this could go like his previous fight where Murphy is getting the better of him in the earlier rounds before Barboza settle into his rhythm and mount a comeback.
Prediction: Edson Barboza to win.

Welterweight: Khaos Williams vs. Carlston Harris
Khaos Williams is known for his explosive knockout power and aggressive striking. His ability to finish fights quickly with devastating punches makes him a formidable opponent in the welterweight division. However, Williams can be overly reliant on his power and sometimes neglects his defensive game, leaving him vulnerable to counterattacks and grappling exchanges.
Carlston Harris, in contrast, brings a well-rounded skill set to the octagon. He excels in grappling, with solid submission skills and the ability to control opponents on the ground. Harris also possesses decent striking, which complements his grappling-heavy approach.
So this is a classic striker vs grappler matchup and while it may be tempting to pick the younger guy, Harris has performed reasonably well in his last few fights against strikers that that can hit hard like Jeremiah Wells and Gooden. I think Harris has a path to victory if he can bring Williams to the ground and smother him.
Prediction: Carlston Harris to win.

Light Heavyweight: Oumar Sy vs. Antonio Trócoli
Oumar Sy is an emerging talent in the light heavyweight division, known for his athleticism and well-rounded skill set. He combines striking and grappling effectively, showing proficiency in controlling the pace of the fight and capitalizing on his opponents' weaknesses. Tuco Tokkos is making his UFC debut on a short notice here after Antonio Trócoli pulled out. So there is a lot of unknown variable with him. I am going to have to go with my original pick Oumar Sy here
Prediction: Oumar Sy to win.

Bantamweight: Adrian Yanez vs. Vinicius Salvador
I think this fight is a big mismatch. On one hand you have Adrian Yanez , known for his exceptional boxing skills, speed, and precision. Yanez is in interesting prospect in the Bantamweight division as even though he is on a 2 fight losing streak, he had won his first 5 fights in the UFC including multiple KO finishes. His ability to deliver powerful, accurate strikes makes him a formidable opponent in stand-up exchanges.
On the other side of the corner, you have Vinicius Salvador who is a chaotic, aggressive and flashy striker but he has 2 losses since making his debut in the UFC which raises the question if he is even UFC material. I think this is a one sided matchup as Yanez has shown from his previous fights that he is a quality fighter while the other struggles to get even one win at this level. This is a perfect bounce back fight for Yanez to get back into the win column and I think he will outclass Salvador with his boxing skills.
Prediction: Adrian Yanez to win.

Women's Strawweight: Luana Pinheiro vs. Angela Hill
Luana Pinheiro is a rising talent in the strawweight division, known for her judo background and powerful takedowns. She excels in controlling her opponents on the ground and has shown effective ground-and-pound.
Angela Hill, a veteran of the division, is known for her high-volume striking, excellent footwork, and durability. Hill's strengths lie in her kickboxing and ability to maintain a high pace throughout the fight. She has faced some of the best fighters in the division, which gives her a significant experience advantage. I think Hill is kind of underrated despite here record and she should deal more significant strikes in this fight than Pinheiro.
Prediction: Angela Hill to win.

Welterweight: Themba Gorimbo vs. Ramiz Brahimaj
Themba Gorimbo is a well-rounded fighter with a solid striking base and decent grappling skills. He is known for his athleticism, endurance, and ability to adapt during fights. Not sure what the Rock saw in him but he will forever be known as the guy the Rock gave a house to. Ramiz Brahimaj, on the other hand, is a submission specialist with a strong background in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. His strength lies in his ability to finish fights on the ground, with most of his victories coming by way of submission. Gorimbo should be athletic enough here to beat Ramiz. Again, these fighters aren’t elite but Brahimaj probably can’t keep up with his more athletic opponent.
Prediction: Themba Gorimbo to win.

Middleweight: Abus Magomedov vs. Warlley Alves
Abus Magomedov is a well-rounded fighter with a strong striking base and competent grappling skills. He is known for his powerful and precise striking, which he uses effectively to control the distance and pace of his fights. Warlley Alves may not be in his level in terms of his quality as a fighter. His record suggest that he is nothing more than a mediocre fighter so I expect Magomedov to get the job done here and put him away
Prediction: Abus Magomedov to win.

Lightweight: Victor Martinez vs. Tom Nolan
I really hate this kind of fights. Both fighters may not even be UFC quality. Tom Nolan was knocked out by Nikolas Motta who is a jobber and Martinez had no win in his UFC career either. The odds here is ridiculous but I am just going to pick Nolan because of his physical attributes and potential.
Prediction: Tom Nolan to win.

Women's Strawweight: Piera Rodriguez vs. Ariane Carnelossi
Piera Rodriguez offers a balanced MMA game with strong striking and grappling fundamentals. Ariane Carnelossi is tough and aggressive, thriving in brawls. Rodriguez's technical striking and movement might outmaneuver Carnelossi.
Prediction: Piera Rodriguez to win.

Flyweight Alateng Heili vs. Kleydson Rodrigues
Not sure how Kleydson Rodrigues is the favourite in this fight since he as not been impressive since coming to the UFC so far with his only win coming against Shannon Ross. I am definitely comfortable with picking Alateng Heili as the underdog here as he has more experience in the UFC with 4 wins, 2 losses and 1 draw. He is decent in grappling and striking as well even though he isn’t really excellent in either. I think the bookmakers have it wrong here as Alateng should have been the favourite and I do not think that he should have much trouble handling Rodrigues as the latter may not even be UFC quality.
Prediction: Alateng Heili to win.

Women's Strawweight: Vanessa Demopoulos vs. Emily Ducote
Another low level WMMA fight. Ok Emily Ducote isn’t anything special and should not be a heavy favourite here. She is probably better than her opponent Vanessa Demopoulos but the gap is not that big. I am expecting her to outstrike her opponent but I think Demopoulos has a decent chance as an underdog. What I like about her is that she stays active even when on bottom position by throwing elbows from the bottom to hurt her opponent which was how she got her last win. I am expecting another boring low level fight here and I am just going to pick the underdog because I think the fight will be a lot closer than the odds suggest.
Prediction: Vanessa Demopoulos to win.

Hello, I am M25 looking for a detailed woman that wants to RP as a spy. I am around 5’8, average body that is slightly on the pudgy side, a straight smile, and half white/half Mexican. You were the only child to your parents but your dad was a drunk and your mom cheated on him and neglected to you. Once you hit 18 and graduated from high school, you instantly went into the military. It was hard and difficult for you at first. However, you started to do well in it. So well, that when it came to marksman training and hand to hand combat, you were good at it. You were then contracted by the government to take certain assassination jobs of corrupt officials overseas. You were able to get a graduate degree, own a house, and a new car as you were only called to do your job twice a month with a couple of meetings as well. One job paid 6 digits as long as the terms and conditions of the job was meant. However, you were lonely. You were told that you were allowed to date but not tell anyone your actual job. You and I hit it off where we got along with each other and frequently video chatted. You even went as far as sending me gifts at my work from other vendors. You really liked me but had to be careful regarding your job. You decided to ask me on a date at your place where we can watch a movie and make dinner together. You were looking forward to seeing me. However, you were called in for an emergency briefing on an assassination 24 hours ahead of time. You were able to complete the job but had a black eye and a couple of cracked ribs in the process. You made it with only a few hours to spare as you were sore and tired. Blood even on your lower lip as you tossed your clothes in the washer. Getting your ice bath ready as you had a cigarette and bottle of powerful liquor to dull the pain. When you were in the tub, you had time to reflect and relax. A small part of you just wanted to quit but you enjoyed only having to work a handful number of times a month. You fell asleep in your bathtub but did not set your alarm. The ice cold water making your body numb to the touch as you were in dreamland. I arrived a couple of hours later and rung your doorbell. Even tried calling you as all of a sudden, you awakened and was caught off guard by me. Cursing at yourself as you forgot our date was tonight. The worst part about it was that you did not have much makeup options and only had clothes that covered you from head to toe for your missions and clothes for bedtime usage. You answered the phone, “Hi, if this is a bad time, I can reschedule”. I say as you were eagerly looking forward to meeting with me. Turning me away would make you feel bad.

Do you exhibit these behaviors when you're in relationships?

1. Needy and clingy, and always anxious
2. Controlling, wanting to 'fix' or 'rescue' partner
3. Putting your partner's needs first, letting their mood impact yours & feeling responsible for their emotions
4. Constantly seeking reassurance and terrified of them leaving you
5. Date people who may be emotionally unavailable or have addiction issues (video games, alcohol, work, hobbies, substances, gambling...)
6. Feeling drained in relationships because you give so much
7. Do you neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to them?
8. Do you feel empty without them, even though being with them is torment?

In general, being in love means being in pain I used to be like this, and got myself into a pretty toxic relationship 9 years ago. Abandoned my school work, friends, and wanted to available for my ex, and tried to fix him. It didn't work out and I've gone through a long healing journey since then and realized my strong fear of abandonment and codependency tendencies. I'm making an app now to help anyone who are going through this experience, hope you don't walk down the same path that I did and get better soon, and find someone amazing to date :)

A common claim in HP fandom is that Harry doesn’t appreciate Hermione enough. A weirder assertion I sometimes see is that Ron compliments or appreciates Hermione more than Harry.
Admittedly, Hermione does a lot for Harry throughout the books, and he doesn’t always express his thoughts directly to her. Nevertheless, there are many passages where Harry directly compliments Hermione (often using words of very high praise), as well as quite a few where he expresses his admiration of her to other people.
This essay will explore those complimentary passages from the books. I won’t include simple expressions of gratitude (though those exist too between Harry and Hermione), nor will I recount here the many passages where Harry merely thinks highly of Hermione or appreciates her without saying anything aloud. Frankly, that would make this essay much too long, and I want to focus on real compliments and praise.
After we’ve explored how Harry compliments Hermione along with her reactions, we’ll take a look at how Ron tends to praise Hermione, as well as the different way she reacts to both boys. Not surprisingly to most readers here, we’ll see that Harry is the boy Hermione truly loves praise from. Unfortunately in Ron’s case, his compliments almost never land well (if they land at all).
I’m going to keep the commentary shorter here on many passages, as this is primarily intended to be a list to demonstrate just how much Harry appreciates Hermione and thinks highly of her. Nevertheless, we’ll see a number of patterns emerge as we go through.

Harry’s direct compliments

Let’s begin with one of the most well-known interactions in the early books between Harry and Hermione (PS16):

Hermione’s lip trembled and she suddenly dashed at Harry and threw her arms around him.
‘Hermione!’
‘Harry – you’re a great wizard, you know.’
‘I’m not as good as you,’ said Harry, very embarrassed, as she let go of him.
‘Me!’ said Hermione. ‘Books! And cleverness! There are more important things – friendship and bravery and – oh Harry – be careful!’

There’s not much new to say about this passage—Harry is about to go on alone, putting himself in great danger. Hermione’s lip trembles in emotion, and she embraces Harry for the first time in the books, praising him as a “great wizard.” And yet, Harry claims he’s simply not as good as Hermione.
Still, the two of them go back and forth about it in a cute way, as Hermione then says “Me!” and proceeds to implicitly compliment Harry’s friendship and bravery further.
I mention this latter detail of the back-and-forth because it gets mirrored four years later, except this time with Harry being the one to say, “Me?” See OotP15:

‘Harry, you’re the best in the year at Defence Against the Dark Arts,’ said Hermione.
‘Me?’ said Harry, now grinning more broadly than ever. ‘No I’m not, you’ve beaten me in every test –’
‘Actually, I haven’t,’ said Hermione coolly. ‘You beat me in our third year – the only year we both sat the test and had a teacher who actually knew the subject. But I’m not talking about test results, Harry. Think what you’ve done!’

We know of Harry’s prowess at DADA. Can anyone forget the insanely powerful Patronus Harry conjured at the end of PoA, which Hermione noted was “very, very advanced magic”? It’s again cute that they get into a disagreement, both modestly trying to one-up the praise of the other here while claiming they themselves aren’t the best.
But I already skipped over another moment a few chapters earlier in OotP9:

[Ron] dashed from the room, leaving Harry and Hermione alone.
For some reason, Harry found he did not want to look at Hermione. He turned to his bed, picked up the pile of clean robes Mrs Weasley had laid on it and crossed the room to his trunk.
‘Harry?’ said Hermione tentatively.
‘Well done, Hermione,’ said Harry, so heartily it did not sound like his voice at all, and, still not looking at her, ‘brilliant. Prefect. Great.’
‘Thanks,’ said Hermione. ‘Erm – Harry – could I borrow Hedwig so I can tell Mum and Dad? They’ll be really pleased – I mean prefect is something they can understand.’

The circumstances are complicated here, because Harry’s feeling really conflicted about not getting a prefect’s badge. He doesn’t want to look at Hermione, because I think he feels like she’d be disappointed in him, as she was so enthusiastic about the idea of being prefect with him a few minutes before. I analyzed this whole section in greater depth in another essay, so I won’t get into all of that here.
For the present, let’s just note that Harry is feeling very emotional and is about to launch himself into one of the longest internal monologues in the books, feeling quite down about himself. Yet he still finds the strength to tell Hermione how “brilliant” he thinks she is. Even if he’s hurting and can’t even look at her, he wants her to know he’s proud of her.
This isn’t the only place where Harry spontaneously feels the need to give Hermione compliments even under less-than-ideal circumstances. He seems to place great importance in ensuring that Hermione knows how highly he thinks of her. We particularly see this later in the series. In HBP25, Hermione basically accuses Harry of being mildly sexist because he refuses to take her theory seriously that the “Prince” (the former owner of the potions book) might have been a woman:

‘Listen, Hermione, I can tell it’s not a girl. I can just tell.’
‘The truth is that you don’t think a girl would have been clever enough,’ said Hermione angrily.
‘How can I have hung round with you for five years and not think girls are clever?’ said Harry, stung by this.

Harry’s “stung” that Hermione would think of him as sexist, but he’s specifically disappointed because he knows how brilliant and clever Hermione is. He thinks she’s amazing and incredible and the best in his year at school. I wonder if this passage leads Harry to reflect a bit on how he may not always voice his opinion to Hermione enough, as there’s a marked change in DH, where Harry more frequently tells Hermione directly how highly he thinks of her.
For example, in DH9, in the scene after the trio was attacked by Dolohov and Rowle, Harry calls her “brilliant” for casting a memory charm:

She took a deep, calming breath, then pointed her wand at Dolohov’s forehead and said, ‘Obliviate.’
At once, Dolohov’s eyes became unfocused and dreamy.
‘Brilliant!’ said Harry, clapping her on the back. ‘Take care of the other one and the waitress while Ron and I clear up.’

Later, after Harry and Hermione escape Nagini’s attack at Bathilda Bagshot’s house, Harry calls her “incredible” (DH18):

‘You’re still really angry at me, aren’t you?’ said Hermione; he looked up to see fresh tears leaking out of her eyes, and knew that his anger must have shown in his face.
‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘No, Hermione, I know it was an accident. You were trying to get us out of there alive, and you were incredible. I’d be dead if you hadn’t been there to help me.’
He tried to return her watery smile, then turned his attention to the book.

As in the OotP passage where Harry is feeling depressed about the prefect’s badge, here Harry isn’t really ready to talk. His wand is broken, he was injured by Nagini, and he spent the night having visions of Voldemort killing his parents. It’s not at all an exaggeration to say this is probably the most dire part of Harry’s journey in the books. And yet he still values Hermione enough not only to agree to talk when he’s not ready, but also to immediately forgive her and call her “incredible” for her quick thinking the previous night.
Moreover, we can see how much this means to Hermione at that moment, as she smiles in gratitude at Harry, in contrast to her tear-streaked face.
Later in DH, after Hermione was tortured at Malfoy Manor, we again see Harry expressing his understanding and gratitude for Hermione when he first talks to her (DH24):

Harry had walked up several steps before stopping and looking back.
‘I need you two, as well!’ he called to Ron and Hermione, who had been skulking, half-concealed, in the doorway of the sitting room.
They both moved into the light, looking oddly relieved.
‘How are you?’ Harry asked Hermione. ‘You were amazing – coming up with that story when she was hurting you like that –’
Hermione gave a weak smile as Ron gave her a one-armed squeeze.

Harry calls her “amazing,” and once again Hermione smiles in reply. I should also pause here to note that these superlatives aren’t common for Harry. In fact, they’re unique to Hermione. Harry doesn’t call anyone else “amazing” or “incredible” anywhere in the books.
And these are far from the only times Hermione’s quick thinking saves the day. A few months earlier, she once again apparated Harry (and Ron too) away in mid-air to escape Luna’s father’s house, coming up with a detailed plan in a matter of seconds to hide Ron while exposing Harry during the escape (for strategic reasons). Harry then agrees Hermione is a genius and tells her doesn’t know what they’d do without her (DH22):

‘You’re a genius,’ Ron repeated, looking awed.
‘Yeah, you are, Hermione,’ agreed Harry fervently, ‘I don’t know what we’d do without you.’
She beamed, but became solemn at once.

I’d note another detail here. Ron does compliment Hermione too in this passage, calling her a “genius” multiple times. Yet it’s only once Harry finally tells her how much she means to him that Hermione “beams” in reply. (In a previous essay, I examined how frequently Hermione “beams” at Harry, much more than anyone else.)
This is a pattern we see repeatedly in the books, where Ron’s praise is ignored in favor of Harry’s. Perhaps the clearest example is in HBP9:

[Slughorn:] ‘Oho! “One of my best friends is Muggle-born and she’s the best in our year!” I’m assuming this is the very friend of whom you spoke, Harry?’
‘Yes, sir,’ said Harry.
‘Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger,’ said Slughorn genially.
Malfoy looked rather as he had done the time Hermione had punched him in the face. Hermione turned to Harry with a radiant expression and whispered, ‘Did you really tell him I’m the best in the year? Oh, Harry!’
‘Well, what’s so impressive about that?’ whispered Ron, who for some reason looked annoyed. ‘You are the best in the year – I’d’ve told him so if he’d asked me!’
Hermione smiled but made a ‘shush’ing gesture, so that they could hear what Slughorn was saying. Ron looked slightly disgruntled.

Harry had already praised Hermione to Slughorn privately (a fact we’ll come back to), but hearing this praise from Harry causes Hermione to turn toward Harry with a “radiant expression,” overwhelmed with joy at the idea that Harry thought of her as the “best in the year.” (The word choice of “radiant” here is rather special for JKR, as I’ve noted in a previous essay.)
Meanwhile, poor Ron is off to the side, looking “slightly disgruntled” when Hermione shushes him in class for a similar remark.

Ron’s compliments to Hermione

Unfortunately for Ron, Hermione’s reaction in the Slughorn scene is typical. We’ve seen Hermione repeatedly smiling and looking radiant at Harry’s compliments, as well as reacting by praising him in return. Ron, on the other hand, is almost exclusively met with tepid if not outright negative reactions from Hermione even when he says nice things about her.
I drew on a list of Ron compliments created by Ron/Hermione shippers here, but the original list only gave Ron’s lines, without Hermione’s reactions, which I’ve restored below. (The reason for the omission of Hermione’s responses will soon become clear.)
Ron first shows genuine admiration for Hermione back in PoA15 when she slaps Draco and then storms out of Divination. However, the first time Ron actually tries to express this appreciation verbally probably happens in OotP12:

[Hermione:] ‘About You-Know-Who. He said his “gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust –”’
‘How do you remember stuff like that?’ asked Ron, looking at her in admiration.
‘I listen, Ron,’ said Hermione, with a touch of asperity.
‘So do I, but I still couldn’t tell you exactly what –’
‘The point,’ Hermione pressed on loudly, ‘is that this sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who’s only been back two months and we’ve already started fighting among ourselves. And the Sorting Hat’s warning was the same: stand together, be united –’

Although this isn’t a direct compliment, we’re told that Ron is actually looking at Hermione “in admiration.” Unlike his more typical annoyance with her, he’s actually impressed here by her memory. And yet Hermione responds with “asperity,” harshly putting him down for not listening better. When Ron gets defensive and tries to react, Hermione “loudly” talks over him and essentially ignores Ron completely.
This is far from the only time Hermione will ignore Ron’s occasional kind words, because she clearly knows it’s unusual behavior. She tells us this directly (OotP14):

‘OK, write that down,’ Hermione said to Ron, pushing his essay and a sheet covered in her own writing back to Ron, ‘then add this conclusion I’ve written for you.’
‘Hermione, you are honestly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,’ said Ron weakly, ‘and if I’m ever rude to you again –’
‘– I’ll know you’re back to normal,’ said Hermione.

Ron was trying to thank her for help with his homework, but Hermione recognizes this praise as obviously transactional. She has noticed he’s only nice to her when she does things for him, but otherwise his “normal” behavior toward her is a bit rude. (As a sidenote: we’ve already seen Harry repeatedly refer to Hermione as “brilliant.” Ron, in contrast, does call Hermione sort of “brilliant” twice, both times sarcastically referring to theories or ideas he thinks are ridiculous. See CoS13, DH25.)
Ron’s attempts at recognizing Hermione’s achievements also look very different from Harry’s. In HBP5, when Hermione is worrying about her O.W.L. exam performance, Ron does acknowledge Hermione’s academic performance a couple times, in passages that Ron/Hermione fans will point to as evidence of his supposed admiration.
Yet they don’t come off as compliments. They are aggressive and exasperated and almost making fun of Hermione at the end. And look how Hermione reacts:

‘Hermione, will you shut up, you’re not the only one who’s nervous!’ barked Ron. ‘And when you’ve got your ten “Outstanding” O.W.L.s ...’
‘Don’t, don’t, don’t!’ said Hermione, flapping her hands hysterically. ‘I know I’ve failed everything!’
[…]
‘I – not bad,’ said Hermione in a small voice.
‘Oh, come off it,’ said Ron, striding over to her and whipping her results out of her hand. ‘Yep – nine “Outstandings” and one “Exceeds Expectations” in Defence Against the Dark Arts.’ He looked down at her, half-amused, half-exasperated. ‘You’re actually disappointed, aren’t you?’
Hermione shook her head, but Harry laughed.

So yes, Ron acknowledges her achievements here, but he does so in the process of telling her to “shut up,” barking at her, and then becoming “exasperated” at her personal goals. I think we can all take a step back and acknowledge that Hermione is a fairly extreme perfectionist, and her level of anxiety at potentially “failing everything” comes across as weird and a bit irrational. Still, rather than helping her “calm down” (as many Ron/Hermione fans would say Ron does), Ron exacerbates Hermione’s level of disquiet, causing her to become “hysterical” and then later embarrassed, reacting in a “small voice.”
Harry would have just clapped her on the back and called her “brilliant” or something, to which she’d probably smile in reply. Harry doesn’t share Hermione’s level of academic dedication, but he still appreciates it, rather than trying to shame Hermione for being an overachiever. Yet Ron manages to make her uncomfortable in several different ways in this scene, even as he recognizes how well she would do.
And we’ve only started on the types of negative reactions Hermione has to Ron’s attempts at recognizing her achievements. In HBP21 after apparition practice in Hogsmeade, Ron cuts in to call her performance “perfect”:

‘Good one,’ said Harry. ‘How’d you do, Hermione?’
‘Oh, she was perfect, obviously,’ said Ron, before Hermione could answer. ‘Perfect deliberation, divination and desperation, or whatever the hell it is – we all went for a quick drink in the Three Broomsticks after and you should’ve heard Twycross going on about her – I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t pop the question soon –’
‘And what about you?’ asked Hermione, ignoring Ron.

Ron’s praise is undermined with the dismissive “whatever the hell it is,” once again making it clear that he doesn’t value Hermione’s attention to detail and high standards. Hermione’s response is, reasonably, then to simply ignore Ron.
Admittedly, Ron appears to realize some of his failings and makes an attempt in Deathly Hallows, reading the Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches book and trying to learn how to compliment a girl. It unfortunately doesn’t go quite smoothly for Ron at first (DH7):

Hermione made purple and gold streamers erupt from the end of her wand and drape themselves artistically over the trees and bushes.
‘Nice,’ said Ron, as with one final flourish of her wand, Hermione turned the leaves on the crab-apple tree to gold. ‘You’ve really got an eye for that sort of thing.’
‘Thank you, Ron!’ said Hermione, looking both pleased and a little confused. Harry turned away, smiling to himself. He had a funny notion that he would find a chapter on compliments when he found time to peruse his copy of Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches […].

Ron arguably is trying here, but as we know from OotP, Hermione knows Ron’s more typical reaction toward her is rudeness. Hence we see her a “little confused” yet still somewhat pleased.
This kind of dual reaction from Hermione is usually the best Ron can hope for. Unlike Hermione’s instant smiles and happiness from Harry’s compliments, she views Ron with suspicion. Hermione always appears to keep in mind that Ron’s pleasant reactions are atypical and thus not to be trusted. We see this again as Hermione enters before Bill and Fleur’s wedding, wearing a lovely dress (DH8):

‘[…] wow,’ [Ron] added, blinking rather rapidly as Hermione came hurrying towards them. ‘You look great!’
‘Always the tone of surprise,’ said Hermione, though she smiled.

Note the “though she smiled” qualification here, which is pointing out that Hermione’s reaction is not exactly positive and arguably unkind. Hermione is here making a reference to an earlier conversation after the Seven Potters. When Tonks mentioned how “great” Ron was stunning a Death Eater, Hermione reacted positively with “you did?” Hermione was sincerely proud of Ron at that moment, hugging him, and yet Ron reacted with the phrase “Always the tone of surprise,” rejecting her and breaking off from her embrace.
Admittedly, Ron was a bit right in that scene to acknowledge that Hermione almost never recognizes his achievements. Yet in the wedding scene, we see Hermione throw that verbal dig back at Ron, effectively taking what appears to be a more sincere compliment from Ron and undermining it. She’s telling him (and the reader) that he doesn’t generally find her attractive and wouldn’t typically say such a nice thing to her.
In effect, she’s somewhat begrudgingly smiling while taking a swipe at Ron’s more typical behavior.
There’s really only one time in all of the books that I have found where Hermione actually reacts positively (without qualification) to Ron’s praise. That occurs in DH9 after she reveals how she had packed so much in her beaded bag in preparation for the Horcrux hunt and emergencies:

‘I told you at The Burrow, I’ve had the essentials packed for days, you know, in case we needed to make a quick getaway. I packed your rucksack this morning, Harry, after you changed, and put it in here ... I just had a feeling …’
‘You’re amazing, you are,’ said Ron, handing her his bundled-up robes.
‘Thank you,’ said Hermione, managing a small smile as she pushed the robes into the bag. ‘Please, Harry, get that Cloak on!’

We see her here at least giving Ron a “small smile,” though she quickly turns to Harry, more concerned again about him. Still, it’s a legitimate positive reaction to a compliment from Ron. We shouldn’t have to pause and reflect on that so much, except for the fact that this is a rather unique occurrence. Every other time Ron says something nice about Hermione, she ignores it, gets annoyed, dismisses it, gets suspicious or confused, or has some other negative reaction like we saw.
And even this one pleasant moment between Ron and Hermione is immediately undermined a few pages later:

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his wand from his pocket.
‘It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ hissed Hermione, and as she dragged the waitress out of sight of the windows Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his wand instead.

Yes, Ron was happy for a moment and praised Hermione for packing his stuff, but it turns out she did it wrong in Ron’s eyes. She packed the wrong jeans, and Hermione reacts very negatively, telling Ron to shove his wand up his arse. Hermione here must feel like Ron is conforming to the behavior she described back in OotP—he’s only nice until he turns back to his “normal” negative behavior toward her.

Harry complimenting Hermione to other people

We don’t really have space here to investigate the many other times Harry thinks highly of Hermione, is grateful for her, or appreciates some aspect of her in his internal thoughts. But it’s perhaps useful to end this exploration by noting how many other times Harry still manages to praise Hermione verbally, unprompted, to other people.
We can start with the scene that inspired Slughorn in the quotation discussed above, where Ron was disgruntled at Hermione’s ecstatic reaction to Harry’s compliment. See HBP4:

[Slughorn:] ‘Your mother was Muggle-born, of course. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. Thought she must have been pure-blood, she was so good.’
‘One of my best friends is Muggle-born,’ said Harry, ‘and she’s the best in our year.’

Note that there’s really no good reason for Harry to praise Hermione so specifically and highly here. Slughorn was discussing Lily, and Harry could have simply countered with the fact that he had talented Muggle-born friends too. Yet he singles out Hermione to compare to his mother’s talent and goes further—calling her the best student in his year.
Ron never has a comparable passage in the books. Many of his compliments or nice moments are very situational with Hermione, not spontaneous praise. This is probably one reason why Hermione also shushes Ron when he tries to echo Harry later with Slughorn: she knows if Harry said something, he meant it and wasn’t just trying to flatter her or be nice because of the situation.
The best Ron can manage on a couple occasions are vague acknowledgments to Harry about Hermione. Such as CoS14:

“What does she understand?” said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
“Loads more than I do,” said Ron, shaking his head.

Not exactly a compliment, but this one makes lists of Ron’s compliments sometimes, just because it’s so rare for Ron to say something even this nice about Hermione. Even when Ron is clearly impressed by Hermione slapping Draco and then storming out of Trelawney’s class in PoA15, the most he can manage to say to Harry is:

‘Some day Hermione’s having, eh?’ Ron muttered to Harry, looking awed.

We’re told that Ron’s “looking awed” here, but he still can barely say anything directly praiseworthy about her.
Meanwhile, Harry simply cannot stop himself from saying how amazing Hermione is. As far back as CoS2:

‘Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby ... Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew ...’
Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, ‘Whatever you’ve heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I’m not even top of my year at Hogwarts, that’s Hermione, she –’
But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.

Remember when we saw that Hermione tried to compliment Harry and tell him he was a great wizard in PS or the best in DADA in OotP? Harry couldn’t help deferring to Hermione, trying to praise her as better. The same thing happens when Dobby speaks of Harry’s “greatness” here—and Harry immediately thinks of the greatest person he knows: Hermione Granger.
Harry can’t even let the Quidditch team think he was smart enough to come up with the Impervius Charm for his glasses (originally during the Quidditch match back in PoA9). When Angelina proposes using the spell again in OotP18, Harry simply has to give Hermione credit:

[Angelina:] ‘[…] Harry, didn’t you do something to your glasses to stop the rain fogging them up when we played Hufflepuff in that storm?’
‘Hermione did it,’ said Harry. He pulled out his wand, tapped his glasses and said, ‘Impervius!’

It’s not exactly a compliment, but it just shows yet again how much he wants everyone to know how amazing Hermione is.
This reflex Harry has to praise Hermione comes up in the strangest places, getting him into arguments with his love interests. When Cho brings up the jinx that resulted in Marietta’s outbreak of pimples, Harry can’t help contradicting her (OotP28):

‘That was a really horrible trick of Hermione Granger’s,’ said Cho fiercely. ‘She should have told us she’d jinxed that list –’
‘I think it was a brilliant idea,’ said Harry coldly. Cho flushed and her eyes grew brighter.
‘Oh yes, I forgot – of course, if it was darling Hermione’s idea –’

Cho is actually quite insightful about the role of Hermione in Harry’s life here. She earlier got jealous when Harry prioritized Hermione on Valentine’s Day, and now she gets annoyed at how “brilliant” Harry considered “darling Hermione’s idea.”
Just as in Quidditch with his glasses, Harry can’t help acknowledging Hermione’s brilliance, even with another girl he likes. He could have been a little more diplomatic with Cho in disagreeing with her, but instead his reflex is to defend Hermione.
Perhaps the most absurd moment of praise for Hermione randomly comes up as Harry’s breaking up with Ginny (HBP30):

‘I never really gave up on you,’ [Ginny] said. ‘Not really. I always hoped ... Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more – myself.’
‘Smart girl, that Hermione,’ said Harry, trying to smile.

Think about what’s going on in this moment. Ginny just admitted how strong her feelings for Harry are, that she “never really gave up” on him, from when she was a young girl. She’s effectively trying to inform him of her commitment, of his status as her first love. If Harry had deep feelings for Ginny, we might expect him at this point to recognize how long Ginny had cared, how much she had tried to learn to be “herself” around him, to get him to notice her.
And instead the first words from Harry’s lips are to acknowledge how smart Hermione is. He’s breaking up with his girlfriend… and praising another girl’s intelligence? I know Harry can be rather thick sometimes, but this is not the thing to do in the middle of a break-up. It’s no wonder Cho was so jealous of Hermione.

Conclusion

Once again, as in many of my other essays, I think we can see patterns emerging around Harry and Hermione’s unique relationship. We see them repeatedly praising each other spontaneously. And Harry can’t help but blurt out how brilliant Hermione is to other people, even in situations where it’s arguably inappropriate.
Ron’s efforts at compliments are nothing like that, unfortunately. We might even feel a bit bad for him when he does begin to make an effort in DH, as it’s clear Ron is never going to have the impact on Hermione that Harry’s compliments do.
I mentioned at the outset that there are many people who say Harry isn’t appreciative enough toward Hermione. It’s true that we don’t hear him say it aloud all the time, particularly in the early books. Yet it’s very clear even in the first book that Harry thinks Hermione is a better wizard than he is. And he doesn’t hesitate to tell her, or to announce it to Dobby in CoS.
As the series progresses, Harry’s outward appreciation increases, to the point where we see him calling her “amazing” and “incredible” and the “best in our year,” terms that he only ever says about Hermione. Perhaps even more importantly, we see that Hermione knows how special she is to Harry, how sincere his compliments are, as we see her repeatedly responding with emotional smiles and even a “radiant expression” to these words.
I didn’t even explore most of the passages where Hermione praises or compliments Harry in the books (and there are plenty more of those too), but we can see the strength of Harry and Hermione’s friendship and care for each other. They both strive to raise each other up, especially in stressful times when they need it the most.
I’d like to acknowledge members of the HMS Harmony Discord server for their support and suggestions. Specifically, thanks to Jiraffas for suggesting an essay on this topic. Thanks for Dragonfly for convincing me to include a section on Harry complimenting Hermione to other people and for reminding me of the Angelina moment in OotP. In general, I’m grateful for the discussion and commentary from the Harmony community.
If there are any moments you think I missed, please point them out in comments! I’d like this essay to be a resource for those who want to debunk fandom claims concerning Harry’s supposed lack of appreciation toward Hermione.

Do you exhibit these behaviors when you're in relationships?

1. Needy and clingy, and always anxious
2. Controlling, wanting to 'fix' or 'rescue' partner
3. Putting your partner's needs first, letting their mood impact yours & feeling responsible for their emotions
4. Constantly seeking reassurance and terrified of them leaving you
5. Date people who may be emotionally unavailable or have addiction issues (video games, alcohol, work, hobbies, substances, gambling...)
6. Feeling drained in relationships because you give so much
7. Do you neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to them?
8. Do you feel empty without them, even though being with them is torment? In general, being in love means being in pain

I used to be like this, and got myself into a pretty toxic relationship 9 years ago. Abandoned my school work, friends, and wanted to available for my ex, and tried to fix him. It didn't work out and I've gone through a long healing journey since then and realized my strong fear of abandonment and codependency tendencies.
I'm making an app now to help anyone who are going through this experience, hope you don't walk down the same path that I did and get better soon, and find someone amazing to date :)

Previously, on Hell’s Kitchen…
The final 10 were given a challenge not seen in over a decade, creating their own menus in the revival of Red vs Blue Menu Night. While the blue team worked together, with a strong concept provided by Melody, the red team found themselves being led by Thomas, whether they liked it or not. However, as the chefs were returning to the kitchen to begin cooking their dishes, disaster struck, as Travis re-injured his ankle, and had to be taken to the hospital. Despite being down a man, and Grace feeling shortchanged by not getting anything on the menu, the blue team’s cohesive selection still managed to impress Ramsay and his special guests: three previous winners of Hell’s Kitchen. The red team’s menu had mixed results, which led to friction between Thomas and some of his teammates
In service, the blue team’s menu had the edge in popularity, but thanks to poor communication between Grace and Carole, the kitchen ground to a halt multiple times. Meanwhile, the red kitchen managed to push out their food in a timely manner thanks to strong teamwork on entrees. With the red team named the winners of service, it was time for the blue team to nominate two chefs to send home.
At elimination, though, everyone was in for a shock when Travis, who had been one of the early favorites, returned and announced that due to injury, he would be leaving Hell’s Kitchen for good. Ramsay still insisted on hearing from the blue team’s nominees, who were Grace, Carole and Melody after they failed to come to a consensus. But with Travis’ dream of becoming the next head chef at Gordon Ramsay Steak in Vancouver, British Columbia already having come to a heartbreaking end, Ramsay gave everyone another chance to show him why they were the chef he was looking for, but assured them that he was not taking any more excuses from now on.
https://reddit.com/link/1ctwn9g/video/oifsieupww0d1/player
And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…
After witnessing the shocking withdrawal of Travis from the competition, no one was in a celebratory mood as Ramsay dismissed them to the dorms for the night. Carole said in her confessional that he had been the main one supporting her in the blue team, and now it felt like she was truly on her own. As the blue team returned to the dorms, a very upset Melody unleashed her frustration, saying that Travis did not deserve to go home tonight over either Carole and Grace, and they needed to cut the bullshit and start thinking and working as a team. Lauren said in her confessional that it seemed like something snapped in Melody tonight, as she was well and truly fed up with the drama, which definitely made two of them. Even so, after noticing that Melody was sitting alone and nearly in tears, Lauren went over to comfort her, as Melody admitted that she hated to have to talk that way to her teammates, but she was sick and tired of the drama. Lauren assured her that it had to be said, and was proud of her for stepping up. Meanwhile, Grace said in her confessional that Melody seemed to be losing her composure, and would hopefully go down in flames soon.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, Faye was also feeling sadness over the way Travis had gone out, as she admitted to Michael that it reminded her too much of her own exit last season, only at least she had made the choice to walk away, while Travis never had one. Meanwhile, another chef had mixed feelings on the sudden turn of events, as Thomas said in his confessional that Travis had been a strong chef and a good person, and while losing him would cut the competition down, he would have rather seen him go out with dignity. Ramona and Everett, meanwhile, continued to stick closely together, with Ramona saying in her confessional that it felt good to have the security of the immunity pass, because she and Everett were definitely the most likely to be nominated if service went wrong, though she admitted she would feel some guilt if he went out because of it, but this was her career and future at stake. Everett said in his confessional that he couldn’t afford to worry about what might happen if he went up on the chopping block, and was just focused on trying to help the red team win.
The chefs were still trying to take in all the events of the night, but finally, tiredness overtook them, and they turned in for the night.
Challenge
The next day, the final 9 came downstairs to find Ramsy waiting for them, as well as a detailed diagram of a cow. Ramsay explained that he still had not forgotten the disaster that was Steak Night, and that was why, for this next challenge, he wanted to give both teams a chance to prove how far they had come by preparing dishes using five cuts: ribeye, top sirloin, hanger, flank, and striploin. Thomas said in his confessional that the red team had no business fucking this up, as they had several chefs who were strong on the meat station in services, while Lauren was nervous in her confessional, as she wasn’t sure about Grace or Carole. Since the blue team had one less member, one chef would have to prepare two dishes, which Lauren volunteered to do. With their instructions having been given, Ramsay told the chefs that their time started now.
The chefs rushed into their respective kitchens and quickly tried to sort out who would be responsible for which cuts of steak. In the blue kitchen, Lauren decided to take on the hanger and flank steak, while Grace took the ribeye, over Carole’s objections, and Carole was left with the striploin, while Melody took the top sirloin. Grace said in her confessional that she fought for this ribeye and she was going to carry her team to victory whether they liked it or not, while Carole said she would’ve felt much safer if anyone else were cooking the ribeye besides Grace. While Carole still seemed undecided on which direction to go with her New York Strip, at least one chef already had her dish planned out, and that was Melody, who went into detail in her confessional on how she wanted to plate her top sirloin. Meanwhile, Lauren was working hard to manage two separate cuts of meat, saying in her confessional that taking on the extra workload could either make her look really good in front of Chef Ramsay or totally blow up in her face.
In the red kitchen, Thomas was on the top sirloin, Ramona had the ribeye, Faye had hanger steak, Michael had flank steak, and Everett had striploin. Ramona said in her confessional that she had to deliver on the ribeye, as she already had the most losses of any chef here, and didn’t need to add any more to her resume with black jackets approaching. Thomas was confident that he could handle the top sirloin, as he said in his confessional that no one still here should have any issues cooking meat, and he would be disappointed in himself if he didn’t achieve perfection on this dish. Michael noticed Ramona seemed to be having some trouble with her ribeye, and tried to offer some advice, but Ramona said in her confessional that she had to do this alone, and told him she had it under control. Michael was annoyed, saying in his confessional that this was still a team effort, and it was no time to let egos get in the way. Meanwhile, Faye and Everett were seemingly in good spirits, with Everett saying in his confessional that meat was where he felt the most at home, and if he failed at this challenge, he might as well go home now, while Faye said in her confessional that it was nice to see Everett so energetic, and she hoped his dish could match that.
With the time nearly up, the chefs put the finishing touches on their dishes as Ramsay called out the final seconds and told the chefs to bring their plates to the pass. Ramsay then announced that he would be joined by a special guest judge for this competition, who was a familiar face to viewers of MasterChef: Ramsay’s former co-host on that show, Graham Elliot. The chefs were starstruck, with Melody saying in her confessional Graham was the best, and easily her favorite judge on MasterChef…after Ramsay, of course. After exchanging a warm greeting, Ramsay said it was time to get down to business, starting with the battle of the flank steak. This round would pit Lauren against Michael, with Michael saying in his confessional that this was his first time going against Lauren in a challenge, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy to take her down, given how consistently strong she had been. After tasting Lauren’s dish, both Ramsay and Elliot had high praise, saying the meat was tender and nicely cooked, although Elliot did say he might have done something different for the garnish. Lauren was second-guessing herself in her confessional, but In the end, both judges gave it four stars out of five. Michael said in his confessional that as expected, Lauren put up a good dish, but he was confident in his as well. Indeed, Michael’s flank steak was also found to be nicely cooked, and despite the somewhat simple presentation, Ramsay said this was a great start for both teams, as again, both he and Elliot each gave it a four.
With the score tied at 8, it was time for the battle of the hanger steak. Lauren stayed where she was while Faye brought her dish up to the pass. Elliot was impressed that Lauren had cooked two dishes for the challenge, although he noted that the hanger steak could’ve used a little more cooking time, which Ramsay agreed with, saying that was the one thing holding it back, and Lauren kicked herself in her confessional, as she said she should have been able to stay on top of it. Elliot only gave it a three due to the undercooked steak, though Ramsay said it still delivered enough flavor to get a four. Faye’s dish also got mixed reviews, as both chefs praised the cook of the meat, but questioned her garnish choices, with Ramsay pointing out that the presentation seemed slightly off. Elliot said she got the most important part right though, and gave it a four, to which Ramsay agreed, which put the red team ahead 16-15. In the third round, the teams’ ribeye dishes went head to head, for which Ramona and Grace stepped forward. Unfortunately for Ramona, her ribeye was badly overcooked, and Ramsay took her to task for serving something practically inedible to him and his guest. Ramona groaned in her confessional, as she couldn’t believe she had fucked up this badly. Both judges gave her a one, and Ramsay said she was lucky to get even that. Grace’s dish got mixed reviews, with Ramsay saying the presentation was shocking, while Elliot noted that the ribeye again was overcooked, though not nearly as much as Ramona’s. Ramsay said this was not what he expected from these chefs at this stage of the game, and gave Grace a one, but Elliot was more generous and gave it a two, as at least it had some flavor.
With the scores now tied at 18, it was time for the battle of the top sirloin, as Thomas and Melody brought their dishes forward. Melody’s dish earned praise for it’s stylish presentation and garnish, and after tasting the steak itself, Ramsay noted that it was cooked perfectly, and said this dish was a strong four, but Elliot went a step further and said it deserved a five, which made Melody giddy in her confessional, as she never could have imagined hearing those words before. Next was Thomas, with Elliot again noting the stunning presentation, and after tasting, he said that these two had really raised the bar today. Ramsay agreed and said it was the best pair of dishes yet, and this time, he would be giving out a five. Elliot agreed, giving Thomas a perfect score, which he took with a calm smile in his confessional, as he said Melody gave him a good run, but he never had any doubts. With the red team now back in the lead 28-27, it was time for the final round, as Everett and Carole would face off in the battle of the New York Strip. Everett went first, with Elliot saying, after a long pause…that the strip was absolutely delicious. Ramsay agreed, also praising the presentation, and said this was one of Everett’s best dishes yet in Hell’s Kitchen, as that deserved a very strong four. Elliot gave the same score, bringing the red team’s total up to an impressive 36, meaning Carole needed close to a perfect score to keep the blue team in it. Everett was absolutely fired up in his confessional, saying this was just the boost that he needed, and there was no stopping him now. Meanwhile, Carole presented her dish, which got good marks for presentation, but as Elliot sliced into the strip, he said it looked undercooked, to which Ramsay agreed, and said it was a great shame. Though it was only a formality, both Elliot and Ramsay gave the dish a two, giving the red team a 36-31 win.
Reward / Punishment
Ramsay thanked Elliot for helping him judge the challenge, and once he had left, Ramsay turned back to the chefs and congratulated the red team on winning the challenge, in particular praising the efforts of Everett and Thomas. He then said they were in for a fun reward, as he was sending all of them off for a day of paintball, followed by dinner at an exquisite LA steakhouse. Ramona was relieved in her confessional, as she knew she could have blown it for the red team with her ribeye, while Everett was ecstatic to have redeemed himself in this challenge, as he said in his confessional that he was still a beast at cooking meat. While the red team ran off to get changed, Ramsay turned his attention to the blue team and said that for today’s punishment, he had decided to put it towards a good cause by volunteering them for community service, which meant picking up trash on the side of the road. Grace moaned in her confessional, as she said that they always seemed to save the worst punishments for her. Ramsay reminded Melody that she still had that punishment pass, and offered to let her use it. Melody replied that she was never a paintball type of girl, and would rather help out the environment. Ramsay accepted her choice and told the blue team that they too would be changing…into their stunning orange uniforms.
The red team came back downstairs, and Michael joked in his confessional that it looked like Hell’s Kitchen had turned into a prison, while Faye apologetically said goodbye. While on the way to the paintball ground, the red team talked amongst themselves in the car, with Thomas saying that no one else was going home from the red team, and Michael agreed, saying they were all getting black jackets. Faye wondered aloud who their biggest competition might be from the blue team, but everyone quickly agreed that Lauren was the strongest. Ramona said in her confessional that she knew everyone was sleeping on her, but she would simply have to prove them wrong in service. Later, the chefs arrived at the paintball ground, and Faye said she hoped none of them would go easy on her just because she was a woman. Everett joked that she had nothing to worry about there, and the team ended up having an enjoyable afternoon, with Ramona and Everett trying to team up against Thomas, but he was able to shoot both of them. Michael said in his confessional that it felt great to just get outside and let loose without having to do some exhausting punishment. As evening approached, the red team were then taken to dinner, which Everett said in his confessional was some of the finest quality steak he had ever tasted, though not quite as good as the home cooking back in Oklahoma, which got some laughs from the others. Faye said that the next winner was sitting right here at this table, to which the others enthusiastically toasted, and the chefs continued to bond as a team over their meal.
While the red team were living the good life, the blue team were working in the hot sun to ensure that the environment could do the same. While the others tried to get on with their task, though, Grace’s constant complaining quickly got on all of their nerves, as Carole said in exasperation in her confessional that they were all well aware of the fact that Grace didn’t want to be here, and she didn’t need to broadcast it every five seconds. Lauren joked with Melody that she wouldn’t mind going on that paintball reward just to take a few shots at Grace, which Melody said in her confessional was tough to argue with, as even her optimistic outlook was being challenged right now by Grace’s incessant whining. Carole said in her confessional that she and Grace were definitely the most vulnerable on the team, but as long as Grace kept this up, she was making the decision easy for everyone, and as far as Carole was concerned, that was perfectly fine. Despite having their patience tested, the blue team worked through their physically exhausting community service and, for the most part, left feeling that at least some good had come of it.
Back in Hell’s Kitchen, the blue team arrived first and tried to unwind in the dorms until the red team returned later in the night. Grace quickly became annoyed with the red team talking about their reward, while Ramona said in her confessional that she didn’t mind rubbing it in her old rival’s face a bit. Lauren said in her confessional that the red team could have this one, as she was keeping her eyes on service. As the night dragged on, another topic came up, that being Travis, as everyone on the blue team aside from Grace admitted to missing him, and Lauren jokingly said even the punishments just weren’t the same now. Faye sympathized, as she said it was tough to watch a chef who had put everything on the line and pushed through an injury go out like that, even if this was a competition. Thomas agreed and said that everyone here deserved a chance to fight for their dream, as for these chefs, it was a potentially life changing opportunity, and he knew he would be devastated to lose it. Michael said in his confessional that it was no time for fucking around anymore, as they all needed to cook like it was their last night in Hell’s Kitchen.
The chefs chatted amongst themselves for a while longer before finally trying to get some sleep.
Pre-Service
The next day, the chefs went downstairs to begin prep, as Ramsay said that this was the stage in the competition where he wanted to see the best begin to shine, and warned that there would be nowhere to hide for chefs who were struggling to keep up. With that, he told the blue team that despite being a man down, he expected absolutely nothing less than a stellar performance, and told the red team not to get too comfortable with their challenge win, as they still needed to be locked in for service. With all nine chefs seemingly read to go, Ramsay allowed them to get started on prep.
In the blue kitchen, Melody and Lauren were in good spirits, though Melody admitted she still missed having Travis here, despite the fact that the blue team was all women now. Carole said in her confessional that the ladies should have no problems taking this service, as while she didn’t mind the format change, having all girls on one team was how it was done in the old days, and it would be even better if Grace was gone. Grace, meanwhile, seemed to be in a bad mood after her ribeye flopped in the challenge, as she said in her confessional that it couldn’t have been as bad as Ramsay said, as much as she respected his opinion, and refused to acknowledge Melody’s attempts to talk to her. Melody said in her confessional that nobody wanted Grace here, but the least she could do was try to reach out, as futile as it seemed. Lauren said in her confessional that in order for the blue team to win tonight, they needed Carole and Grace to step up big time, as she and Melody couldn’t do all the work here.
While the blue team was hoping for a miracle, the red team seemed loose and ready to go, with Michael saying that he had a good feeling about tonight, as there were no excuses for losing to the blue team now. Ramona said to Everett that this was their redemption night, with Everett agreeing and saying they were going to kick some culinary ass, and Faye said it was great to see both of them committed to bouncing back and leading the red team to another win. Everett replied that Grace was going home tonight for sure, which got some laughs from the others, as Michael said in his confessional that this was the one thing he was sure literally everyone else could agree on. Thomas, though, said in his confessional that everyone being this hyped up actually worried him, as he hoped they weren’t getting distracted and forgetting that they still had to earn the win. Michael encouraged him to lighten up, as they had a virtual all-star team here, but Thomas still maintained his serious demeanor, with Ramona saying in her confessional that this guy seriously needed to get a hobby.
Ramsay reminded the chefs again that he was looking for these chefs to show him why they deserved to become the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak, and with that, he called out to Marino and told him to open Hell’s Kitchen.
Dinner Service
Guests began to enter Hell’s Kitchen by the dozens, as it was once again the center of the culinary world for tonight, filled to the brim with celebrities and Hollywood elites. It was not long before orders began to make their way back to both kitchens.
In the blue kitchen, they were looking to Grace on appetizers and Carole on fish to give the blue team an early edge, while Lauren was on garnish and Melody was on meat. Early on, Grace managed to successfully deliver her first table of lobster tail risottos and capellini, with nicely cooked tails from Carole along with an acceptable order of scallops. Carole said in her confessional that they absolutely needed to keep this up, as both of them were effectively cooking for their lives right now. Unfortunately, communication issues cropped up again, with Grace not talking to Carole and bringing up her dishes without waiting for Carole’s scallops. Ramsay called out for the scallops, saying food was dying at the pass, and demanded to know why the fuck they couldn’t just work together as a team. Carole did eventually bring up the scallops, but they were raw, much to Ramsay’s disgust, and Grace said in her confessional that Carole just needed to get out of here as she clearly wasn’t cutting it. Despite these issues, and an overly salty risotto from Grace, the blue team did manage to finally start getting appetizers out into the dining room, with Ramsay even praising Grace’s risottos at one point, and telling her that’s what she could do if she would focus more on cooking than starting shit with her team. The blue team did eventually complete appetizers and began working on entrees.
In the red kitchen, Everett was working appetizers, while Michael was on fish, Ramona was on garnish, and Thomas and Faye were together on meat. Everett was glad to be working closely with Michael again, as he said in his confessional that they made a good team in the last service on meat. Early on, that familiarity seemed to be paying off, as Everett and Michael worked in sync with each other on the first few tickets and got their orders out in a timely fashion. Things did get bumpy, however, when Everett served mushy, overcooked capellini, and started dragging on orders, while Michael served overcooked scallops due to them getting mixed up on their times. Michael said in his confessional that they needed to get it together quickly, as they couldn’t afford to be falling behind so early in service. Meanwhile, Ramsay wanted to know where the energy was, as right now, Everett was going quiet and not responding when asked for times, and nothing was going out. Michael urged Everett to wake up and fight through it, and Everett did manage to get his next attempt at the capellini accepted. In his confessional, Everett said he was trying his best to keep it together, and admitted he had been thrown off his game, but he was far from done. With Everett’s newfound determination, the red kitchen finally had some life again, and after Ramsay praised both Michael’s scallops and Everett’s risottos, the two of them managed to get their rhythm back and serve the rest of their tables.
In the blue kitchen, they looked fo Melody to lead the way from the meat station, and thanks to strong communion between her, Lauren on garnish, and Carole on fish, they managed to get their dishes to the pass for the first table, but Carole’s turbot was undercooked, which left the entire order waiting for her, but she was able to recover quickly on her second attempt. On meat, Melody said in her confessional that it was pretty overwhelming to have to serve all of the blue team’s customers by herself for the first time, but despite dragging a bit on orders, she managed to push high quality Wellingtons and New York Strip out into the dining room consistently. Lauren, meanwhile, seemed at home driving tickets from the garnish station, and the blue team was finally starting to settle into a groove. Melody did serve a rare New York Strip, while Carole served raw turbot, but both were able to bounce back, and entrees were soon flying out to grateful diners. Melody and Lauren once again had no problems communicating and working in sync from their stations, with Lauren saying in her confessional that she and Melody could probably run the kitchen by themselves. But it was Carole who once again held up the kitchen when she inexplicably fired off halibut despite it not being on the ticket, which got her schooled by Ramsay for not paying attention to the ticket when he was standing less than five feet away. Despite this, the blue team managed to complete the rest of their entrees, and were soon ready to get started on desserts.
The red team was starting on entrees with Thomas and Faye on the meat station, and Faye said in her confessional that with meat being a station she felt comfortable in, she hoped tonight could be the night she stood out for the red team. On the first ticket, she and Thomas managed to serve beautifully cooked Wellingtons and New York Strip, along with nicely cooked turbot from Michael, but Ramona was holding the table up by dragging on garnish. Though she eventually managed to bring it up, Ramona would continue to drag on her section, frustrating her team, but especially Ramsay, as he kept calling out for times, with Ramona becoming flustered and not responding to her team. Ramona said in her confessional that the nerves were absolutely getting to her right now, and she seriously needed to bounce back. Meanwhile, Faye ran into some trouble on her Wellingtons, as she undercooked them for one table and said she would need several minutes for a refire, though she was able to recover. Thomas also had a rare mistake as he served undercooked New York Strip, and Ramsay said he didn't expect that from the executive chef. Thomas kicked himself in his confessional, saying that could not happen again, and he did manage to serve a beautiful New York Strip on his refire. However, on the next ticket, Ramona served a pot of runny mashed potatoes, and also seemed lost on what was actually going, as she couldn’t recall the ticket when Ramsay asked her. Ramsay had seen enough and took her into the pantry, asking her what the fuck she was doing, and if it was some kind of joke to her. Ramona insisted it wasn’t and said it was just nerves, but Ramsay replied that she needed to shake those nerves right now, or he would send her out the front door, immunity pass or not. Ramona said in her confessional that it was do or die, and she did manage to finally serve acceptable garnishes. Faye was still dragging on Wellingtons, which frustrated Ramsay, but finally, the red team managed to complete their remaining entrees.
Both teams finished their desserts in good time, and Ramsay told them to clear down.
Post-Mortem
Ramsay had the teams line up and started by saying that this was still not the complete performance he had been looking for. For the blue team, appetizers had been underwhelming, but they improved on entrees. For the red team, it was a decent start on apps, followed by a nightmare on entrees. However, he noted that one team in particular had a slight edge, and that was the blue team, as despite their issues, their customer comment cards gave them a satisfaction rating of 90%, to 84% from the red team. Ramsay said that the fiasco on entrees cost the red team this service, and told them to think long and hard about which two should be going up for elimination tonight. With that, he dismissed both teams to the dorms.
Back in the dorms, the red team’s deliberations were kicked off by Thomas, as he said he hoped everyone could agree that Ramona had dropped the ball tonight on garnish. The others seemed to agree, with Michael saying it was her worst performance in a while. Ramona only half-heartedly fought back, as she said she was better than this, and knew she still deserved to be here, but said if they wanted to put her up, it was their choice. In her confessional, she said she knew that immunity pass wouldn’t last forever, and it was better to get her bad service out of the way now, than during black jackets. With the first nominee having been an easy choice, the second would be more challenging, as Everett acknowledged that Michael and Thomas both had great services despite each having a mistake, and didn’t deserve to go up, which left either him or Faye. Thomas said that he felt Faye had struggled on meat, and that Ramsay rightfully had high expectations of both of them, due to his experience and her being a past chef, so he would vote for her. Michael, though, said that he had to vote for Everett, as he was just too inconsistent at this stage. Faye seemed torn but said she had to vote for Everett, even though they were friends, as he had struggled the most of the available options. Ramona was left with the deciding vote, and said in her confessional that it was impossibly difficult, as Faye had been a mentor for her here, while she had also bonded with Everett.
On the blue team’s side of the dorm, everyone was pleased to have won service and avoided having to send anyone home…well, almost everyone. Lauren admitted to Melody that it sucked having to put up with Grace for another day, while Melody tried to get her to think more positively, as if they were winning with Grace on their team, Ramsay definitely had to be taking notice. Lauren smiled and said she was definitely right about that, and the two of them continued chatting together while Carole sat off by herself and pondered her future in Hell’s Kitchen, In her confessional, she said she was damn lucky that the blue team won tonight, as she and Grace would have gone up otherwise, and that could have been it for her and her dream. Meanwhile, Grace felt that she had done well, and could have done even better without Carole getting in the way, saying in her confessional that it would be nice to get rid of dead weight, but she would settle for seeing someone from the red team go home.
Elimination Ceremony
The red team entered the dining room anxiously and lined up before Ramsay, who said that this was supposed to be the best five on the red team, but instead, it looked like two completely different teams, and while he didn’t know what the hell was going on, he was going to get to the bottom of it. With that, he asked Thomas for the red team’s first nominee and why. Thomas announced that the red team had nominated Ramona, due to her terrible performance on garnish, and being the weakest chef on the team. Ramsay asked for the second nominee and why. Thomas hesitated briefly before announcing that…the red team was nominating Everett, due to his declining performances and up and down service on appetizers. Before getting to any elimination pleas, though, Ramsay told Ramona to step forward and had her hand over the immunity pass. As she did so, Ramsay said that if not for the pass, Ramona would have gone home tonight, and urged her to take advantage of this second chance, before sending her back in line. Ramona appeared visibly shaken as she went to rejoin the red team. Ramsay said that the red team now had 30 seconds to talk amongst themselves and come up with another nominee. In the huddle, the chefs quickly determined that Faye would go up, as she had been their other consideration. As they broke the huddle, Thomas announced that Faye was the red team’s new nominee. Ramsay accepted this and told Everett and Faye to step forward.
Deliberation music
First, Ramsay asked Faye why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Faye: “My time away from Hell’s Kitchen gave me a whole new perspective on cooking, it made me realize why I’m doing this. It’s for my family, it’s for me, I can’t imagine doing anything else. That’s why I’ll never give up on myself or my team.”
Ramsay asked Faye if she thought she was a better chef than Everett.
Faye: “...Everett is a fighter, chef, and a good teammate, but yes, I do believe I’m stronger than him in terms of consistency and leadership.”
Ramsay moved on to Everett, asking him why he should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Everett: “This competition is a marathon, chef. I’ve had my ups and downs, I’ve had my stumbles, but I feel like I’m just on the cusp of hittin’ my stride.”
Ramsay said he had been waiting and waiting for Everett to emerge, and it seemed like he was trending downwards.
Everett: “I’ve had a slump, chef, I ain’t gonna deny that. But I’m fightin’ through it. I know I can be your next head chef.”
Ramsay asked Everett if he thought he was a stronger chef than Faye.
Everett: “Chef…”
Dramatic music
Ramsay waited on Everett’s answer, and after a tense moment, he finally spoke…
Everett: “Chef…at this time, no, I can’t say that I am.”
Faye glanced over at Everett in shock, as did everyone else from the red team, and even some of the blue team.
Ramsay: “I appreciate the honesty. Please, give me your jacket, your time is done in Hell’s Kitchen.”
Elimination music
Everett handed over his jacket and shook Ramsay’s hand.
Everett: “Thank you so much for this opportunity, chef.”
Ramsay: “Let me tell you something, young man, you have so much passion and fightback within you, I’ve seen it throughout this competition. Unfortunately, I didn’t see enough of it in service, or just now, but I hope you can find it again, because you are bloody talented. I wish you all the best.”
Everett thanked Ramsay again and waved goodbye to his team as he exited Hell’s Kitchen.
Everett’s comment
“Oh man…when I first entered Hell’s Kitchen, I never thought I’d be walkin’ out the door like this. I thought I was headed straight for the top, no problem. Each day was like this crazy mixture of anxiety, thrills, and drama. I fought, and I fought, and I fought for my place, until, I guess I just couldn’t fight no more. I’ll always have good memories of my time here, but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it again! (laughs)

With Everett’s elimination, Ramsay told Faye to get back in line, and addressed the chefs collectively as the final 8, saying that tonight should be a reminder to each of these chefs that a downward spiral at this point was unacceptable, as things were not going to get any easier. With that, Ramsay told them all to get some rest, because tomorrow, he was going to start separating the chefs from the cooks.
As the chefs went back to the dorms, several of them had confessionals. Thomas said that Ramona was definitely a bigger liability than Everett, but hopefully losing her immunity would wake her up. Michael said that it sucked that Everett left when he was far from the worst tonight. Ramona was clearly still shaken from the experience, as she said she felt awful about Everett going home when she had a worse performance, and knew she had to bounce back tomorrow or it would all be over for her. Melody said that between Travis and Everett, watching their fellow chefs go home was just getting more and more difficult, but she knew there were still seven more between her and the grand prize. Grace said none of these chefs were on her level, and she was going to keep being herself and kicking ass in the kitchen, regardless of her team’s hate for her. Lauren said that with only four on each team, there was nowhere left to hide, and everything they had done up until now was just the warm up for the real tests that lay ahead.
​Placement
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Avengers Confidental Black Widow And Punisher HD MA $5.50
Avengers Endgame HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $2.50
Avengers Infinity War 4K MA $5 HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Back To The Future HD MA $4
Back To The Future 2 HD MA $4
Back To The Future 3 4K iTunes $5 HD MA $4
Back To The Future 3 Film Collection HD MA $11
Bad Boys For Life HD MA $4
Bad Grandpa HD VD/IT $3
Bad Mom's HD MA $3 HD iTunes $2.50
Bad Words HD ITunes $4
Bambi HD MA $6
Bambi 2 HD GP $5.50
Barbie 2023 HD MA $6
Barbie Her Sisters Puppy Chase HD MA $4 HD iTunes $3.50
Battle Of The Year HD MA $3.50
Battleship 4K iTunes $4.50 HD MA $4
Baywatch 4K iTunes $5.50 HD Vudu $4.50
Beauty And The Beast 2017 HDMA $3 HD GP $2
Beauty And The Beast 1991 HDMA $5 HD GP $3
Beauty And The Beast Enchanted Christmas HD MA $5.50
Bedknobs And Broomsticks HD GP $4.50
Before I Fall HD MA $4.50 iTunes $4
Beirut HD MA $4.50
Belly 4K Vudu $5
Ben-Hur 2016 4K iTunes $5 HD MA $4.50
Better Off Dead HD VD/IT $5
Big George Foreman 4K MA $5.50
Big Hero 6 4K MA $5.50 HDMA/4KIT $4 HD GP $2
Birdman HD MA $5
Black Panther 4K MA $5.50 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Black Panther Wakanda Forever 4K MA $6 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Black Sea iTunes $4.50
Black Widow HD GP $4
Blair Witch 2 Film Collection HD Vudu $6.50
Bobs Burgers Movie HD GP $4
Book Club HD VD/IT $3.50
Book Of Life HD MA $3.50
Boss Baby HD MA $3.50
Bourne 5 Film Collection 4K MA $20
Bourne Jason Bourne 4K Itunes $4 HD MA $2
Bourne Legacy HD MA $3
Boyhood HD VD/IT $3
Brave HD GP $4.50
Breaking In Unrated HD MA $4
Breakthrough HD MA $4
Brian Banks HD MA $3.50
Bring It On Cheersmack iTunes $3
Brother Bear HD MA $7
Brother Bear 2 HD MA $7 HD GP $6.50
Bullet Train 4K MA $6
Call Jane 4K VD/IT $5
Captain America Civil War HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $2.50
Captain America First Avenger HD MA $5 HD GP $3.50
Captain America Winter Soldier HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $2.50
Captain Marvel 4K MA $5.50 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Captain Phillips SD MA $2
Captain Underpants First Epic Movie HD MA $3.50
Cars HD GP $4
Cars 3 4K MA $4.50 HDMA/4KIT $3.50 HD GP $2
Cats 2019 HD MA $4.50
Celebrating Mickey HD MA $5.50 HD GP $5
Chappie HD MA $4
Christopher Robin HD MA $4.50 HD GP $3.50
Cinderella 1950 4K MA $6 HD MA $5 HD GP $4.50
Cinderella 2 HD MA $6.50 HD GP $6
Cinderella 3 HD MA $6.50 HD GP $6
Cinderella 2015 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Clerks 3 HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Clifford 2021 HDVD/4KIT $4
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 SD MA $2.50
Coco HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Cold Pursuit 4K VD/IT $5 HD Vudu $4
Columbiana HD MA $4
Company Of Heroes HD MA $4.50
Contraband iTunes $4
Cowboys And Aliens iTunes $4
Crawl 4K VD/IT $5 HD Vudu $4
Creed 3 HD Vudu $3.50
Criminal 4K iTunes $4.50 HD Vudu $4
Cruella 4K MA $6 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Daddys Home 4K ITunes $4.50 HD Vudu $2.50
Daddys Home 2 4K ITunes $5 HD Vudu $4
Danny Collins HD Itunes $3
Dark Skies HD Vudu $4.50
Darkest Hour 2017 4K MA $5 HD MA $3.50
Date Night iTunes $4
Dead In Tombstone Unrated HD MA $4 iTunes $3.50
Dead Man Down HD MA $4
Deadpool 4k iTunes $4 HD MA $2
Deadpool 2 HD MA $4
Death On The Nile HD GP $4
Deepwater Horizon 4K ITunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Denial HD MA $4 HD
Despicable Me 4K MA $6 4K iTunes $4.50 HD MA $4
Despicable Me 2 4K Itunes $4.50 HD MA $3
Despicable Me 3 4K iTunes $4.50 HD MA $3.50
Despicable Me Minion Madness iTunes $4
Despicable Me Minions 2 Film Collection Minions/Rise Of Gru HD MA $7.50
Despicable Me Minions 4K MA $5 4K iTunes $4.50 HD MA $3.50
Despicable Me Minions Rise Of Gru HD MA $4.50
Detective Knight Rogue HD VD/IT $4
Devotion 4K VD/IT $5.50
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Dog Days HD MA $4
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Long Haul HD MA $3
Die Hard HD MA $4
Die Hard 2 Die Harder HD MA $4.50
Die Hard 3 With A Vengeance HD MA $4.50
Die Hard 4 Live Free Or Die Hard HD MA $3.50
Die Hard 5 A Good Day To Die Hard HD MA $3.50
Dig 4K VD/IT $5
Dirty Grandpa HD VD/IT $3.50 SD Vudu $2
Disney Nature Monkey Kingdom HD MA $3.50 HD GP $3
Disney Pixar Short Films Collection Vol 3 HD MA $4 HD GP $3.50
District 9 4K MA $5.50
Divergent 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $2 SD Vudu $1
Divergent Insurgent 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $2
Django Unchained HD Vudu $4
Doctor Strange 4K MA $5.50 HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $2.50
Doctor Strange Multiverse HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Don Jon iTunes $4
Don't Worry He Won't Get Far On Foot HD Vudu $4.50
Downsizing HD VD/IT $3
Dracula Untold HD MA $3.50 iTunes $3
Dredd 4K VD/IT $4
Dumbo 2019 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $3
Dying Of The Light SD Vudu $2.50
Earth Girls Are Easy HD Vudu $4
Edge Of Seventeen HD MA $4.50 HD iTunes $4
El Chicano HD MA $3
Empire Of Light HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Encanto HD MA $4.50 HD GP $4
Enders Game 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Epic HD MA $4 iTunes $3.50
Equalizer HD MA $4
Equalizer 2 HD MA $4
Equalizer 3 HD MA $5.50
Escape Plan 4K iTunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2
ET 4K MA $6 4K ITunes $5.50 HD MA $4
Eternals 4K MA $6 HD GP $3
Everything Everywhere HD Vudu $4.50
Ex Machina HD Vudu $4
Exorcist 4K MA $6
Expendables 1-4 Film Collection 4K Vudu $17 HD Vudu $12
Expendables 1 4K VD/IT $5
Expendables 2 4K VD/IT $5 HD Vudu $2 SD Vudu $1
Expendables 3 4K VD/IT $5 HD Vudu $2
Fantastic Four 2015 HD MA $4.50
Fast And Furious 1 4K MA $4.50 4K iTunes $4 HD MA $2
Fast And Furious 6 4K ITunes $2.50 6 HD MA $1
Fast And Furious 7 4K iTunes $2.50 HD MA $1
Fast And Furious 8 4K Itunes $2.50 HD MA $1
Fast And Furious 10 4K MA $5.50
Fast And Furious 1-8 Film Collection HD MA $11
Fast And Furious 1-9 Film Collection HD MA $14
Fast And Furious 1-10 Film Collection HD MA $17
Fast And Furious Hobbs And Shaw HD MA $4
Fault In Our Stars 4K Itunes $3.50 HD MA $2
Ferdinand HD MA $4
Fifty Shades Darker Unrated HD MA $2.50
Fifty Shades Of Grey Unrated 4K MA $2.50 4K iTunes $2 HD MA $1.50
Finding Dory HDMA/4KIT $3.50 HD GP $1.50
Finding Nemo HD GP $3.50
First Cow HD Vudu $5.50
Flight HD Vudu $3.50
Florence Foster Jenkins HD Vudu $4 HD Itunes $3
Fox And The Hound 2 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Free Guy 4K MA $6 HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Frozen 4K MA $4.50 HDMA/4KIT $3 HD GP $1
Frozen 2 4K MA $4.50 HD GP $2
Frozen Olaf Frozen Adventure HD MA $4 HD GP $3.50
Frozen Sing Along Edition HD MA $4 HD GP $3.50
Fury HD MA $3.50
Game Of Thrones Season 5 iTunes $4.50
Gamer 3D HD VD/IT $3.50
Gemini Man 4K Vudu $4.50
Get A Job SD Vudu $2
Get Out 4K iTunes $5 HD MA $4
Ghost In The Shell 2017 4K ITunes $5 HD Vudu $3.50
Ghostbusters Answer Call Extended/Theatrical HD MA $4
GI Joe Retaliation 4K Vudu $4 4K iTunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2.50
GI Joe Rise Of Cobra iTunes $4
Girls Trip HD MA $3 iTunes $2.50
Glengarry Glen Ross HD Vudu $5
Godfather 1 4K iTunes $6
Gods Not Dead 2 HD MA $2 iTunes $1.50
Gods Not Dead A Light In Darkness HD MA $3
Gods Of Egypt 4K iTunes $4.50 SD Vudu $2
Good Kill HD VD/IT $4
Goodbye Christopher Robin HD MA $4.50
Goosebumps HD MA $4
Goosebumps 2 HD MA $4
Grace Unplugged HD Vudu $4
Grand Budapest Hotel HD MA $4.50
Green Room HD Vudu $5
Grown Ups 2 HD MA $4
Guardians Of The Galaxy 4K MA $6.50 HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $2
Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 2 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $1.50
Guilt Trip HD VD/IT $4
Hacksaw Ridge 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $2.50
Halloween 2018 HD MA $4
Halloween Kills HD MA $4
Haywire Itunes $3.50
Heat 4K MA $5
Heaven Is For Real HD MA $4 SD MA $2
Hell Or High Water 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Hellboy 2019 HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Hercules 2014 HD VD/IT $3
Here Comes The Boom SD MA $2
Hereditary HD Vudu $4
Hilary's America SD Vudu $2
Hillsong Let Hope Rise HD MA $1 HD iTunes $1
Hitman's Bodyguard 4K Vudu $5 4K iTunes $4.50 HD Vudu $3
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 4K VD/IT $5.50
Hocus Pocus HD MA $5 HD GP $3
Home 2015 HD MA $3.50
Home Alone HDMA/4KIT $5
Home Alone 2 HD MA $4
Hope Springs HD MA $3.50 SD MA $2
Hotel Transylvania HD MA $4
Hotel Transylvania 3 SD MA $2.50
Hostiles 4K VD/IT $6
How To Train Your Dragon 1-3 Film Collection HD MA $10
Hugo SD VD/IT $2
Hunger Games 4K Itunes $3.50 HD Vudu $1 SD Vudu $0.50
Hunger Games Catching Fire 4K Vudu $4.50 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $1.50 SD Vudu $0.50
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $1.50
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2 HD Vudu $3
Hunger Games 4 Film Collection 4K Vudu $15 HD Vudu $6.50
Hunter Killer HD Vudu $3.50
I Can Only Imagine HD VD/IT $3
I Feel Pretty Itunes $2.50
I Frankenstein HD VD/IT $3.50
Ice Age 5 Film Collection HD MA $18
Ice Age HD MA $4.50
Ice Age Christmas Special HD MA $4.50
Ice Age Continental Drift HD MA $4.50
Ice Age Dawn Of The Dinosaurs HD MA $4.50
Ides Of March HD MA $4.50
Incarnate iTunes $4
Incredibles 2 4K MA $6 HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $3
Indiana Jones 4 Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull 4K VD/IT $6
Indiana Jones 5 Dial Of Destiny HD MA $5.50
Independence Day 2 Film HD MA $8
Independence Day HDMA/4KIT $4.50
Independence Day Resurgence HDMA/4KIT $4.50
Inferno HD MA $4
Inside Out HDMA/4KIT $5.50 HD GP $3.50
Instructions Not Included HD Vudu $4 SD Vudu $2
Interstellar 4K VD/IT $5.50 HD Vudu $3
Into The Woods HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Iron Man HD GP $4.50
Iron Man 3 HD GP $3.50
Iron Man And Hulk Heroes United HD MA $5
Iron Mask HDVD/4KIT $5.50
It's A Wonderful Life 4K VD/IT $6
Jack And Jill HD MA $4
Jack Reacher Never Go Back 4K Itunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit 4K Itunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2
Jackass 3 HD VD/IT $4.50
James Bond Connery Collection Volume 1 HD Vudu $14
James Bond Connery Collection Volume 2 HD Vudu $14
James Bond Daniel Craig 4 Film Collection HD Vudu $11
James Bond Skyfall HD Vudu $1.50
James Bond Spectre HD Vudu $3.50
Jarhead 2 HD MA $3 iTunes $2.50
Jarhead 3 HD MA $3 iTunes $2.50
Jaws 4K MA $6
Jay And Silent Bob Reboot HD VD/IT $4.50
Jigsaw 4K VD/IT $4.50 HD Vudu $3
Joe Dirt 2 HD MA $4.50
John Wick 1 4K iTunes $3 HD Vudu $1
John Wick 1 And 2 Combo HD Vudu $2.50
John Wick 2 HD Vudu $2
John Wick 3 HDVD/4KIT $4
Journey To Bethlehem HD MA $5
Jumanji 2 Film (Welcome To The Jungle/Next Level) HD MA $6.50
Jumanji Welcome To The Jungle HD MA $3.50 SD MA $2
Jungle Book 1967 HD GP $4.50
Jungle Cruise 4K MA $6 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Jurassic Dominion 4K MA $5.50
Jurassic Park 4K MA $4 HD MA $3
Jurassic World 4K Itunes $2.50 HD MA $1
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom HD MA $3
Jurassic 5 Film Collection 4K MA $15
Jurassic 6 Film Collection HD MA $15
Justice 2017 HD MA $4
Justin Bieber Never Say Never Itunes $1.50
Kickass 2 HD MA $4
Kickboxer HD Vudu $4.50
Killer Elite iTunes $3
King Kong 2005 4K MA $6
Kingsman The Golden Circle 4K ITunes $4
Kingsman The Secret Service 4K Itunes $4 HD MA $3
Knock At The Cabin HD MA $4.50
Krampus iTunes $4.50
Lady And The Tramp HD MA $5
Lady And The Tramp 2 Scamps Adventure HD MA $6 HD GP $5
La La Land HD Vudu $3.50
Lara Croft Tomb Raider HD Vudu $4
Last Vegas HD MA $4 SD MA $2
Lee Daniels The Butler HD Vudu $4
Legends Of Oz Dorothy's Return HD MA $5
Leperchaun 8 Film Collection HD Vudu $13
Leprechaun Origins HD VD $3
Let Him Go HD MA $4
Life Of Pi Itunes $4 HD MA $3
Lightyear 4K MA $6 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2.50
Lilo And Stitch HD MA $4.50 HD GP $4
Lilo And Stitch 2 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $3
Lion King 1994 HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Lion King 2019 HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Little Mermaid 1989 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Little Mermaid 2023 HD MA $5.50
Lone Ranger HD MA $4.50 HD GP $4
Lone Survivor 4K MA $5.50 4K Itunes $4 HD MA $2.50
Longest Ride 4K iTunes $4 HD MA $2
Looper HD MA $4.50
Lorax 2012 HD MA $4 HD iTunes $3.50
Lucy 4K MA $4.50 4K iTunes $4 HD MA $3
Machine Gun Preacher iTunes $4
Madea's Witness Protection VD $2
Maggie HD Vudu $3
Maleficent 4K MA $6 HDMA/4KIT $4 HD GP $2.50
Maleficent Mistress Of Evil HD GP $3.50
Marvins Room HD VD/IT $4
Mary Poppins HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Mary Poppins Returns 4K MA $5.50 HDMA/4KIT $4.50 HD GP $3
Max Payne Unrated iTunes $4
Mechanic Resurrection 4K Itunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2.50
Megan Leavey HDMA/iTunes $2
Men In Black 3 HD MA $3
Men In Black International 4K MA $5
Mickeys Christmas Carol HD MA $6
Mickey Classic Shorts Volume 1 HD MA $6 HD GP $5
Mickey Classic Shorts Volume 2 HD MA $6
Midsommar HD Vudu $5.50
Midway 4K VD/IT $5 HD GP $3
Mile 22 4K iTunes $5
Million Dollar Arm HD MA $3.50 HD GP $3
Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates HD MA $4.50
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children HD MA $4
Mission Impossible 1 HD Vudu $3.50
Mission Impossible 2 HD Vudu $3.50
Mission Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $2
Mission Impossible 5 Rogue Nation 4K Vudu $4.50 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $2
Mission Impossible 6 Fallout 4K Vudu $4.50 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $2
Moana 4K MA $6.50 HDMA/4KIT $4 HD GP $3
Moneyball HD MA $4
Monsters University HD MA $6.50 HD GP $4.50
Morbius 4K MA $5.50 SD MA $2
Mr Peabody And Sherman HD MA $4.50
Mud HD Vudu $3
Mulan 1 HD MA $6 HD GP $5
Mulan 2 HD MA $5 HD GP $4
Mulan 2020 HD MA $4 HD GP $2.50
Mummy 1932 4K iTunes $4.50
Murder On The Orient Express HD MA $4.50
My All American HD MA $4 iTunes $3.50
My Girl 1 And 2 Film Collection SD MA $6
Need For Speed HD MA $4.50 HD iTunes $4.50 HD GP $4
News Of The World HD MA $4.50
Night At The Museum Secret Tomb HD MA $3
Nightmare Before Christmas 4K MA $6 HD MA $5 HD GP $4
No Escape HD Vudu $4
No Good Deed 2014 HD MA $3.50
Noah 2014 Itunes $3.50
Nonstop 4K Itunes $5 HD MA $4
Norm Of The North HD Vudu $3
Now You See Me HD VD/IT $2 SD Vudu $1
Now You See Me 2 SD Vudu $1.50
Nutcracker And The Four Realms 4K MA $5 HD GP $3
Oblivion 4k iTunes $4 HD MA $3
Office Christmas Party 4K iTunes $5.50 HD Vudu $4.50
Olympus Has Fallen HD MA $4.50
Onward HD MA $3.50 HD GP $3
Overdrive HD Vudu $4 iTunes $2.50
Oz The Great And Powerful HD MA $3 HD GP $2
Paddington HD Vudu $4.50
Pain And Gain HD Vudu $4
Paranormal Activity 3 HD VD/IT $1
Paranormal Activity Ghost Dimensions HD VD/IT $3
Parental Guidance HD MA $4 iTunes $3
Parker SD MA $2
Patriots Day 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 SD MA $2.50
Peanuts The Movie HDMA/4KIT $4.50
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters HD MA $2.50
Pet Semetary 2019 4K Vudu $5 4K Itunes $4.50
Peter Pan HD MA $5.50 HD GP $4
Peter Pan 2 Return To Neverland HD MA $6 HD GP $5.50
Petes Dragon 2016 HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Pinocchio 1940 HD MA $5 HD GP $4
Pirates Of The Caribbean DMTNT HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Pitch Perfect 4K iTunes $4 HD MA $2
Pitch Perfect 2 4K ITunes $4 HD MA $2
Planes HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Planes Fire And Rescue HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2
Planes Trains And Automobiles HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Planet Of The Apes "Dawn" HDMA/4KIT $3.50
Pocahontas HD MA $5.50 HD GP $4.50
Pocahontas 2 HD MA $5.50 HD GP $4.50
Poltergeist 4K MA $5.50
Precious Cargo HD VD/IT $3.50
Predator 4 Film Collection 4K MA $19
Premium Rush HD MA $4.50 SD MA $2
Prey For The Devil 4K Vudu $5.50 HDVD/4KIT $4.50
Psycho HD MA $4
Public Enemies iTunes $4
Queen And Slim 4K MA $6
Queen Of Katwe HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Rambo First Blood HD Vudu $3
Rambo Last Blood 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Raya And The Last Dragon HD MA $4 HD GP $3
Red 2 4K iTunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2 SD Vudu $1
Red Dawn 2012 HD MA $4.50 iTunes $4
Redemption HD VD $3
Replicas HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Rescuers HD MA $4.50 HD GP $4
Rescuers Down Under HD MA $4.50 HD GP $4
Reservoir Dogs 4K VD/IT $5
Resident Evil Death Island HD MA $4.50
Riddick Unrated Directors Cut HD MA $4 iTunes $4
Ride Along iTunes $3.50 HD MA $3
Ride Along 2 ITunes $3.50 HD MA $3
Rio 2 Sing Along HD MA $4
RIPD 4K ITunes $4.50 HD MA $3.50
Rise Of The Guardians HD MA $4
Rob Zombie Firefly 3 Film Collection HD Vudu $8
Robin Hood Disney 1973 HD MA $4 HD GP $2
Robocop HD Vudu $4.50
Rocketman 4K iTunes $4 HD Vudu $3
Rocky 2 4K VD/IT $5
Rogue Warfare The Hunt SD VD/IT $2
Roman J Israel HD MA $3
Rons Gone Wrong 4K MA $6 HD MA $3.50 HD GP $2.50
Saban's Power Rangers 4K VD/IT $5 HD Vudu $3
Safe HD VD/IT $2.50
Same Kind Of Different As Me HD VD/IT $3
Samson HD MA $3
Savages iTunes $4
Saving Mr Banks HD MA $5 HD GP $4
Saw 7 Film Collection HD Vudu $13
Scarface 4K ITunes $5
Scream 1996 4K VD/IT $6 HD Vudu $4.50
Scream 2022 4K VD/IT $6
Scream 2 HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Scream 5 HDVD/4KIT $5.50
Season Of The Witch iTunes $4
Second Act iTunes $4
See No Evil 2 SD Vudu $3
Selma HD Vudu $2.50 HD Itunes $2
Serenity 4K MA $6
Seventh Son iTunes $3.50
Shang Chi HD MA $4.50 HD GP $3
Shaun Of The Dead 4K iTunes $5 HD MA $4
Show Dogs HD MA $4
Sicario 4K iTunes $4.50 HD Vudu $3.50
Sing 4K ITunes $5 HD MA $4
Sisters Unrated Itunes $3
Sixteen Candles HD MA $4 HD iTunes $3.50
Skyscraper HD MA $3
Sleeping Beauty HD MA $4.50 HD GP $3.50
Sleepless Itunes $3.50
Smurfs Lost Village HD MA $4
Snatched HDMA/4KIT $4
Sniper HD MA $5
Sniper 2 HD MA $5
Sniper 3 HD MA $5
Sniper 4 Reloaded HD MA $4.50
Sniper 5 Legacy HD MA $4.50
Sniper 6 Ghost Shooter HD MA $4.50
Sniper 7 Ultimate Kill HD MA $4.50
Sniper 8 Assassins End HD MA $4.50
Snitch 4K Itunes $4 HD Vudu $3 SD Vudu $2
Snow White Disney 4K MA $6.50 HD MA $5 HD GP $4
Snow White And The Huntsman 4K Itunes $3.50 HD MA $3
Snowden HD MA $4.50 HD iTunes $4
Sonic Hedgehog 4K VD/IT $6 HD Vudu $5
Soul 4K MA $5.50 HD MA $3 HD GP $2
Southpaw HD Vudu $4.50
Speed 4K MA $6.50
Spider-Man Across The Spiderverse HD MA $4.50 SD MA $3
Spider-Man Amazing Spider-Man 4K MA $6 HD MA $4
Spider-Man Amazing Spider-Man 2 4K MA $6 HD MA $4 SD MA $2
Spider-Man Far From Home HD MA $4
Spider-Man Homecoming 4K MA $6 HD MA $2
Spider-Man Into The Spiderverse HD MA $4.50
Spider-Man No Way Home 4K MA $6 HD MA $4
Spider-Man Tobey HD MA $4
Spider-Man 2 Tobey 2 Film Collection Theatrical/Extended HD MA $4.50
Spider-Man 3 Tobey HD MA $4
Spies In Disguise HD MA $4.50HD GP $3
Spy Unrated HD MA $4
St Vincent HD Vudu $4.50
Star Trek Beyond 4K VD/IT $4.50 HD Vudu $2.50
Star Trek Into Darkness 4K Itunes $3 HD Vudu $1
Star Trek 2 Wrath Of Khan 4K VD/IT $4 50
Star Wars Rogue One HDMA/4KIT $4 HD GP $2
Star Wars Solo HD GP $4.50
Star Wars Ep 4 A New Hope HD GP $5.50
Star Wars Ep 5 Empire Strikes Back HD GP $5.50
Star Wars Ep 6 Return Of The Jedi HDMA/4KIT $6.50
Star Wars Ep 7 Force Awaken 4K MA $6 HDMA/4KIT $3 HD GP $2
Star Wars Ep 8 The Last Jedi 4K MA $5 HDMA/4KIT $3 HD GP $2
Star Wars Ep 9 Rise Skywalker 4K MA $6.50 HD GP $3.50
Step Up All In SD Vudu $2.50
Step Up Revolution HD Vudu $3
Straight Outta Compton Unrated 4K iTunes $4.50 HD MA $3.50
Strange World HD MA $5 HD GP $4
Suburbicon 4K Itunes $4
Super 8 HD Vudu $3.50
Superfly HD MA $3
Superman 5 Film Collection 4K MA $20
Super Mario Bros Movie 4K MA $6 HD MA $5
Sweetwater HD MA $4
Taken iTunes $4
Taken 2 HDMA $4 iTunes $3.50
Tangled HD GP $4.50
Ted Unrated HD MA $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem 4K VD/IT $6.50
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 4K Vudu $4 4K Itunes $3.50 HD Vudu $2
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out Of Shadows HD Vudu $4
Terminator Dark Fate 4K Vudu $5.50 4K iTunes $4.50
Terminator Genesis 4K Vudu $5.50 4K Itunes $4.50 HD Vudu $3
The A Team iTunes $4
The Adventures Of Tin Tin SD Vudu $2
The Artist SD MA $2
The Art Of Self Defense HD MA $3
The Best Man Holiday 4K iTunes $4.50
The BFG HD GP $4
The Boy HD MA $3.50 Itunes $3
The Bye Bye Man HD iTunes $4
The Cabin In The Woods 4K iTunes $4.50 HD Vudu $3
The Call HD MA $4.50
The Call Of The Wild HD GP $4
The Children HD Vudu $4.50
The Choice HD Vudu $3.50 iTunes $3 SD Vudu $2
The Commuter 4K VD/IT $5 HDVD/4KIT $4
The Croods HD MA $4.50 Itunes $3.50
The Croods 2 Film Collection HD MA $8
The Dentist 2 Film Collection HD Vudu $6
The Departed 4K MA $7
The Devil Inside SD Vudu $2
The Dilemma HD MA $4.50 HD iTunes $4
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TRADES FOR PERSONAL REDEEM LOOKING FOR LIST
These are some new release movies im looking for
American Society Of Magical Negroes
Ghostbusters Frozen Empire
Imaginary
Killers Of Flower Moon
The Kill Room
These are some older movies I know have codes I'm looking for
Battle For Sky Ark
Doubt
Judge Archer
Little Stranger
Once Upon A Time In The West
One From The Heart Reprise
Piercing
Stonewall
Throwdown

TL;DR: why can’t I kick this cough ever?
Hey all, I’m a 46 year old woman living in South Florida for about 6 years. Prior to that I was in NYC for over a decade. I was diagnosed with asthma about 19 years ago.
When I lived in NYC, I’d get extremely bad bronchitis that would last 3 months and require 2-3 rounds of prednisone and antibiotics to get rid of it. I figured the cold was a trigger. I moved down to Florida for personal reasons, but for the first two or three years, I had no bronchitis that I can recall. Then, prior to Covid, I got so sick with bronchitis that when I went to urgent care, they gave me a shot of prednisone in my butt to get it into my system asap, as well as meds. That was the start of my now-constant battle with bronchitis down here.
In the last 3 or so years, I’ve had prednisone easily about 18 times, as well as antibiotics a couple of times. Most recently, two months ago, I had prednisone, it didn’t kick my cough and I felt a bit “infected” so I got a round of Z-Pack. That helped for a moment before I got influenza type B (the flu). I took tamiflu and it helped a lot.
Buuut I still have a low level dry cough that won’t go away. It’s not as severe as it’s been before, but it’s there. I also feel this weird low level “infection” in my throat and a bit of “weight” on my chest.
Here’s the weird thing - after being diagnosed with asthma many years ago, I went to a new pulmonologist last year who did a spirometer test and said I was NOT showing as asthmatic. Then we did a provocation test and that said the same thing. I’m so confused by that. I’ve had a ct scan of my face, and no sinus issues really. A few years ago I had a chest x-ray. No issues. I know I should get a chest ct scan.
Another thing to note is about a year ago, the area of my lungs on the right side starting hurting a LOT. It was hard to take deep breaths or push a button without pain. It went away after two weeks, came back 6 months later and went away again. I actually googled “collapsed lung” but stupidly I never did go and find out why it was happening.
Note: I’ve had Covid twice but this all started about a year prior to COVID becoming a “thing.”
My current cough is a dry cough. It primarily comes out when I’m trying to speak, especially if I’m laying down, but also other positions. Whenever docs listen to me, I don’t wheeze and my lungs sound clear. I’d also like to get a mold test of my house but my landlady won’t pay for that and it’s $300 so I haven’t prioritized it yet.
I’m so lost and so over being constantly sick. Help?

Preface by saying I’m not sure exactly what finally ended my nightmare but I recently made some changes.

1. Purified water. I researched and discovered that purified water can pull minerals from your body and destroy inner linings. Mineral water or spring water is best. I started only drinking glacier water. It’s my number one suspect because a couple days after I felt better I forgot my glacier water and ended up drinking a bottle. It hurt for a few hours shortly after.
   
2. I was taking a supplement that had echinacea in it. That’s also suspicious because after I researched about it, I found out that it can actually make your immune system turn on you, attacking itself. I also discovered that it can actually turn your immune system off and other way and make your immune system think everything’s OK when it’s not. It’s no good for long-term.
   
3. Pelvic stretching. My urologist wanted me to do physical therapy but I decided I would just watch YouTube videos instead and I would do the exercises during lunch. It came up with my own word point of toe on top of a curb and pull my entire pelvic bone away from that direction.
   
4. I recently lost 10 pounds and I’m still going.
   
5. I started taking an iron supplement a couple days before the pain stopped.
   
6. I’ve been taking probiotics for about a month at first they seem to aggravate everything but overtime they aggravated things less and less.
   
7. For the last month before this finally started resolving I was drinking baking soda every single day. The only reason why I stopped is because food tasted so salty, my stomach started hurting. I literally could not handle it anymore.
   
8. On my last period before this all ended I stopped using tampons completely. They really irritated my bladder and my urethra. I could feel it through everything.
   

A really weird thing about it is having an ongoing Garderella infection I would end up taking antibiotics and it would actually make everything feel better even though I was testing negative for bacteria in the urine. I was really having a hard time because it would come right back as soon as the antibiotics were over. A doctor tried to give me as many as they possibly could but as soon as I would stop taking them, it would just hurt again really bad. I think the best thing I could’ve done that entire time was just a completely stop taking any kind of antibiotic.
I can’t say exactly what finally ended my hell but I was about to get a cystoscopy and I’m so glad that I don’t have to do that anymore.
If it comes back, I’ll probably will be a little bit pissed. It started with pain in my kidneys intermittently but really bad since December and it almost kind of seemed like whatever it was worked it’s way down my entire system until it got to the bottom where it would hurt at the bottom of my bladder, and in my urethra until I don’t know maybe something came out. I work in manufacturing and I’m around a lot of shitty chemicals metals weird things from additive manufacturing that I’m no longer around by the way but I have no fucking idea. I really think the RO water aggravated it.
I know that when you’re going through it and especially after it’s been weeks upon weeks months upon months that it really starts to get to you and you start to really wonder if you’ll ever be OK again and I just want to give you a little bit of hope to know that I can drink soda. I can drink, freaking anything I want to now. I won’t take it for granted like I’m not gonna go drink a fifth right now and I’m not gonna drink 6 soda pops. It’s not completely gone. I can still feel somewhat of a tiny bit left in my urethra a little bit but it’s very bearable. I hope you guys find peace too.

Do you exhibit these behaviors when you're in relationships?

1. Needy and clingy, and always anxious
2. Controlling, wanting to 'fix' or 'rescue' partner
3. Putting your partner's needs first, letting their mood impact yours & feeling responsible for their emotions
4. Constantly seeking reassurance and terrified of them leaving you
5. Date people who may be emotionally unavailable or have addiction issues (video games, alcohol, work, hobbies, substances, gambling...)
6. Feeling drained in relationships because you give so much
7. Do you neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to them?
8. Do you feel empty without them, even though being with them is torment?
9. Being in love means being in pain

If your answer to the above is yes, please fill out my questionnaire!
I'm currently conducting research to create an app to help people like us, as I've been through many unhealthy relationships and being in love literally was painful each time. If you'd like to try out the app, please also leave your email so I can reach out to you!
Questionnaire here:
https://tally.so/woA851

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 240: Private Gallery
My, how quaint.
An underground maze.
If it wasn’t dark towers laden with bats, it was underground mazes filled to the brim with all the upholstery recovered from the Summer Solstice Festival’s annual bonfire.
Here beneath a barn utilised as little more than a cellar door, black was still the new black. An unending panorama of dark embroidery and furnishings to match any budding empress’s humble beginnings, ensuring I remained busy offering all the slightly different variations of wrinkling my nose could perform.
The porcelain vases featuring motifs of the wrong season? A mild scrunch. The candelabras burning below 98% of their height instead of being immediately replaced? Hints of a sneeze. The golden silk carpets clearly stolen from the cathedrals of the Holy Church? … A nod of my head.
But what I could have no complaints about was a door still swinging upon its hinges.
Poetry in motion, it painted the picture of a baroness desperate in her haste to stumble over her dress as much as humanly possible. Excellent news. We didn’t need to break another door today.
A surprise.
After all, the baroness seemed intent on breaking everything herself.
Bwoomph.
The sound of a heavy object being dropped came crashing through.
And then another. And another.
A commotion to rival the scuffling of two rival sons at our reception hall. The cadence of chairs, small tables and then backsides falling to the ground as insults became slaps and slaps became a scene of disgrace, all the while my sisters and I watched and snacked on the walnuts.
Sadly for the baroness, I chose not to stand idly by as she roughly squirrelled away her stolen possessions. And neither did Coppelia, who rubbed her hands together in gleeful expectation.
It was still the most innocent gesture she’d ever made.
“Should we let her gather up the loot pile some more?” she asked brightly.
I shook my head at once, my nose aching from the ceaseless wrinkling.
“Absolutely not. Even a moment is too long in this burrow.”
“We could double back and ominously stamp our feet to make her go faster, too.”
“Or we could merely offer our supervision instead. Come. It’s time to end our stay in the countryside. As well as this baroness’s grand misadventure.”
Already dreaming of my bed, I lightly pushed the door open.
A moment later, I was met by the sight of an adventurer’s most wanton dream come to life.
Within the centre of a bedroom chamber, chests laden with silver and gold crowns sat waiting for the first lout to claim as hardship expenses for chasing cats in an endless circle. The chests gleamed with an organised lustre, winking in unison as though counted and arranged to the coin.
It was a sight which contrasted with the desperate movements of the baroness.
Only brief snippets of her could be seen as she went to-and-fro in another room, accessed through a parted bookcase. Through the opening, I heard hints of calamity. Heavy banging as objects crashed to the floor, joined by the sound of ragged breathing to match a servant dashing up and down my bedroom tower to fetch grapes for me in quantities of one.
“Haah … haahh … hahhh …”
And now my curiosity was kindled.
Things worth more than chests of crowns. What could she possess, I wonder?
Sweeping past the gleaming pile of silver and gold, I made my way towards the parted bookcase, and then peeked through to see our baroness performing one last act of defiance.
With her golden hair as dishevelled as her dress, she was kneeling beside an assembled pile of what were unmistakably paintings. A veritable mountain of them, all framed in gilded brass. The scent of oil, watercolours and various pigments struck me more than any whiff of alcohol I’d experienced today.
Clearly a gallery of sorts. A secondary trove of treasure, but no less valuable. Rare paintings were worth their weight in silver and gold as much as any of the coins gathered in the chamber.
And also, to my horror, much easier to destroy.
“Haah … haahhh … hahhhhh …”
The baroness didn’t even notice our presence.
So absorbed was she in her final act of petulance, her only concern was to raise her feeble arms, weakened by all the disdain it required to gather so many heavy paintings in one spot.
All to set it alight.
With a look of desperation on her face, she raised a single candle, readying to set the oil upon the canvasses ablaze.
“Noooooope~”
“–Aah?!”
The same candle which was promptly plucked from her hand by Coppelia, who required no prompting to stop the destruction of precious treasure.
The baroness jolted in shock at Coppelia’s sudden appearance behind her, and even more so at the playful smile leaning towards her. A heartbeat later, she swiped at the candle, tearing away the topmost half. But it was too late.
The flame had already been extinguished.
“Noo … nooooooooooooo!!”
The baroness cupped her hands around the top, offering a tiny breath as she hoped to ignite it like the fading embers of a hearthfire.
She failed.
I took a step into the hidden gallery, ready to offer the coup de grâce to round off this minor detour into my countryside. A final reminder to my kingdom’s nobility, that whatever their rank, none were too lowly to be ignored.
“Ohhohohohohoho … how pitiable,” I said, my hand barely covering my lips. “Instead of a vain attempt to flee, you choose mindless destruction instead. I suppose I’ve no grounds to fault on this. You were wildly successful. Only that it was your own schemes which came to ruin.”
I gazed at the crumpled heap of the baroness as she turned around.
Her grey eyes widened as she viewed me.
All of a sudden, what colour remained upon her face drained to the point where if she threw herself on her bed, she’d be invisible against the white linen. Her only method of escape remaining.
It certainly wasn’t in the gurgling she made.
“Ah … n-no … wait …”
Her voice petered out, whatever words she spoke fading like a mousy squeak in the distance.
Ugh. The standards I endured.
Despite attempting a final act of spite, she didn’t even have enough vigour left in her to transfer that into the most cursory of insults.
“Now, this right here is what separates the barony from the city nobility,” I said, well and truly exasperated. “You may despise your peers, but know that Lady Tolent and Duke Valence at least performed their roles as expected. They were rude until the end. You’ve a considerable amount to learn.”
With a sigh, I took a step towards the mound of portraits.
Given what I’d seen so far, I doubted if any painting here was worth what the baroness deemed worthy enough to hide away like a dragon’s favoured treasure. But I was open to being pleasantly surprised.
Who knows? Perhaps she’d pilfered more than carpets from the Holy Church.
However–
“Wait!!!!!”
The baroness scrambled to her feet, arms raised as she blocked my path.
Despite her sudden burst of life, no colour returned to her face. It was like a ghoul raised as a puppet, desperately heeding the command of its owner.
“You … You can’t look!” she said, quivering. “None of this … none of this is for you!”
My mouth widened at the gall.
… Why, so she did have some insult left in her!
To insinuate I wasn’t worthy of judging these paintings was far more wounding than any generic disdain she could level against my superior wealth, standing, beauty and shape of my hair!
After all, I was exceptionally confident in my curating skills!
Anything less would see my own works being met by a chorus of snivelling! Amongst all who resided in my kingdom, it wasn’t traitors who were the most fearless to my ire! It was art critics!
“E-Excuse me! Rest assured that I’m more than capable of judging the qualities of any painting! When it comes to my assessment of art, my valuation leaves no detail unturned!”
Somehow, the baroness paled even more. Her eyes quivered like ponds in a gale.
A moment later–
“You can’t!!!!”
She threw herself at me.
A slow, lumbering tackle to match her anaemic state. I stepped to the side as she hurled herself past me, falling to a heap by Renise’s feet.
The maid looked down. She didn’t wear a single hint of animosity. Only pity and sorrow. Truly, she was too kind to ever have been in the nobility. I feared for her current role.
Still, I gave a sigh, before leaning over the mountain of paintings.
“Uwah~ this is a new one.”
As the light from the doorway fell upon it, Coppelia offered a hint of what was to be expected. She wore a peculiar expression, her smile oddly fixed as she gazed down at the nearest one to face upright.
I joined her.
And then–
“Hmm.”
I blinked as I assessed it.
A moment later, I glanced over those nearby. And then those nearby them.
Not only paintings. But portraits.
All featuring the same subject. A girl with long, dark hair and vivid eyes.
Many featured a dress hinting at a summer’s day. Shafts of golden sunlight was a common theme, along with a backdrop of a pristine tea table, laden with a familiar array of confectionery. Carrot madeleines and carrot cakes. The same ones I tactically placed for everyone else to eat at my mandatory tea parties.
Indeed. That made sense.
Since this was assuredly my tea table being presented. And that girl with a pleasant smile, unblemished features, a regal bearing and warmth radiating from her very presence was me.
I dug inside the mountain of portraits, lifting up another at random.
Yes.
It was me. Again.
In fact–
Every single portrait in this heap was of me.
At least a hundred or more. All framed and recently placed upon the walls of a hidden room. A private gallery to a baroness–one who was a keen painter. A corner had been transformed into a small workshop. Unlike the one found in her tavern, this one was far more organised. Easels and brushes were neatly tidied away, cared for as much as the paintings that had been created here.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!”
Ignoring the cry of despair behind me, I gazed at the heap of paintings, hand against my cheek as I considered the sight.
A short hum was all I required.
I turned to the stricken baroness upon the floor, her mouth wide as she waited for my judgement.
And then–
“Oho …”
I began to laugh.
“Ohoho … ohhohohoho …”
But this was no mocking laugh which spilled from my lips.
No … it was a laugh of pure delight.
“Ohhhohohoohhohohoohhohohoo!!”
True, nothing here was fit to be placed upon the Royal Villa’s walls. But few paintings were. This didn’t mean they were without merit. On the contrary, even a surface level impression of my face was worth more crowns than even a mosaic of the Grand Duchess completed by a thousand master painters.
But while better artists than her had painted me, few had painted more.
And this I could use.
Why … with this many paintings, I could fill up Soap Island with my imagery!
I could ensure that every tunnel possessed my permanent smile and watching eyes!
No matter where the soap miners hid, seeking respite from their days of hard labour and repentance, they could be met by the sight of my angelic face reminding them that I know and judge their every moment of unsupervised rest!
How … How wonderful!!!!
“A 7/10,” I declared. “Individually, they range between passable and acceptable. Except this one. There is something wrong with the nose. But when taken as an entire collection, the overall composition is greater than the sum of its parts. Alone, each is a verse describing a princess forced to adhere to her mandatory tea parties even as summer blooms a window away. But together, it is the sonata of a princess who continues in her duties without care to repetition or fatigue, reminding those whose hands falter when they should be mining soap that I do not rest, and so neither will they. Not an overly complex message, but then I wouldn’t wish it to be lost.”
Thus, I clapped my hands together in satisfaction.
“... Indeed, I shall put these portraits to excellent use!”
I waited for the gasp of relief which usually came with any of my scores which didn’t plunge into negative numbers. The baroness would not be destroyed by the world of fine art. Only ignored. The baseline criticism. She’d survive.
Providing, of course, that she ever woke from her stupor.
Looking down, I was appalled to see all the light had vacated her eyes.
Far from offering her gratitude, she lay collapsed in an untidy heap upon the floor, her body prone and motionless, her expression locked in morbid embarrassment, and with no signs of life other than the trail of drool which began to leak from the edge of her lips.
“Wow~” said Coppelia, leaning down to poke her cheeks. “You managed to kill her with just the laugh.”
I was appalled.
If this was the reaction to my satisfaction, I may as well be disappointed! That was always easier!
“C-Coppelia! I didn’t kill her! … Why, anyone who dies looking so slovenly would come back to life just to fix themselves!”
Also kneeling beside the fallen baroness, Renise gently shook the girl’s shoulder. Only a weak gurgling came out, wishing for an eternal night.
After a moment, Renise sent a slightly pained smile towards me.
“Um, by any chance … do you not have any thoughts regarding seeing so many portraits of yourself?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well … do you not find it odd?”
I looked at her in puzzlement.
“... No? Why would that be odd? Isn’t it natural that people would wish to paint me? I’m a princess. And an excellent one, too. Better me than a fruit bowl, surely.”
Renise blinked … just before raising her hand to her lips in a small giggle.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.”
Words which advanced her on my family’s career ladder exponentially. I nodded profusely.
Mreoow.
At least until an unexpected sound filled the air.
I looked around in puzzlement.
“... Did I hear a cat?”
“Mmh~” Coppelia pointed towards the faux-vault door we’d passed. “More than one. There’s a whole bunch being kept nearby. It smells terrible.”
I threw up my arms in exasperation.
Why, no wonder the baroness sought the bliss of unconsciousness! It was to evade my utter disbelief!
The absolute state of my kingdom’s schemers!
First Trierport! Now Hartzwiese! To think it was an epidemic!
Just what were these people doing?! Truly, it’s one thing to undermine my kingdom. But that was a pale crime compared to their feat of singlehandedly fuelling the existence of the Adventurer’s Guild!
“It must be Tantrum and Peppy,” said Renise, far less aggrieved. “As well as all the others.”
I directed my bewilderment towards her instead.
“What is a … Tantrum and a Peppy?”
“They’re the names of the deputy guildmaster’s cats. The ones she was looking for. We should ensure they’re rescued before the night is done.”
I shook my head rapidly. No, no, no, no.
“I am not rescuing cats.”
“Hm? … Why not? Isn’t that the job of adventurers?”
“No, that’s the job of drunkards who mistake the commissions plastered on walls for requests to save a kidnapped princess. Besides, cats hardly need rescuing. Whatever bonds they find themselves in, they’re more than capable of slipping free by their own endless guile.”
Indeed, our only danger was that we tripped over a lazing cat hidden in the shade!
It’s a wonder they hadn’t escaped already. By the time we were done, I fully expected to see cats causing anarchy as they reclaimed the town, mewing from rooftop and windowsill with barely held contempt for the very people who fed them!
… Why, they should be ashamed!
“I see …” said Renise, with a hum of uncertainty. “Well, I suppose they’re known for their self-sufficiency. But even so, I feel that we shouldn’t leave them in the chance that their artfulness fails. There’s a very dangerous forest between here and the town.”
Coppelia clapped her hands together.
Her interest in the baroness severed, she leaned towards her next source of amusement, her smile alive with all the usual colours of the mischief rainbow.
“That’s right~ cats are pretty smart, right? There’s no way they’ll be caught by the slobbering horrors devoid of mercy and compassion which I kept from eating us.”
“Coppelia, you frightened them away with sticks.”
“Exactly. Sticks thrown using opposable thumbs which cats lack. And that means they know where they are on the food tree. They’re gonna stay here where it’s safe, waiting for the dumb humans to come fetch them like they always do, even though cats do nothing but hiss and scratch at them.”
I gave a cautious nod … all the while leaning further away.
“Yes, well, I’m glad you agree. We’ve no need to lift a finger to rescue them.”
“Mmh~ but even so, aren’t you willingly leaving gold on the table?”
“Excuse me?”
“I bet every cat has a poster somewhere up in the Adventurer’s Guild. That’s a whole bunch of change you’re leaving lying around that could be used for our apple strudel budget.”
I was aghast.
Not only at the suggestion our funds went entirely towards the apple strudels she ate before I could even touch them … but also because I knew exactly what Coppelia was doing!
My keen eyes could see through her deep subterfuge!
True, it was only prudent to ensure our personal finances were as secure as possible … but even so!
I had my pride!
In my darkest dreams, I still recalled the shame of rescuing a warehouse of cats in Trierport! There was no scenario in which I’d willingly suffer such humiliation again! Once my dignity was stripped, what was I, but a beautiful maiden without equal?
Indeed, I had no doubt in my mind!
I, Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea, would absolutely not resort to saving lost cats!
“The Adventurer’s Guild will never be happier,” said Coppelia brightly. “I bet that in less than a day, a literal army of adventurers will be swooping in to claim all the free cats for themselves. They’ll be everywhere. Literally everywhere. Productivity will be at its highest. You’ll be actively supporting the livelihoods of all those guys you see drinking themselves into a coma!”
Renise blinked, then looked at me with an expression filled with new warmth.
“Oh, I see! You intend to leave these cats behind to be collected by new adventurers. That’s very thoughtful of you. I understand now. This must be how high-ranked adventurers help their juniors progress and gain confidence in their skills.”
Renise filled the ensuing silence with her smile.
And then–
She slowly waved a hand in front of my face.
“... Miss Coppelia, why isn’t she responding?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Her cogs get stuck every now and again.”
“I see … ? Should we do something or … ?”
“Mmh~ I’ll scoop up the striped ones! You get the normal ones!”
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Some Info:
We have me (33M)
My mom and dad
My older brother D of ~5 years and his wife R
My older sister A of ~10 years A, her husband N, and their daughter G
My older brother H of ~15 years H, his wife C, and their daughter F
My two eldest sisters of ~20 B, and ~ 25 years E
My ex-girlfriend K
My friends J and L
Background:
I have five siblings, but I am the 14th child - the rest died with stillbirths and miscarriages. I am the youngest, and there are big gaps between each of my siblings of about 5 years, so I really only grew up with A and D. As far as the rest of my siblings, due to the age differences they were all off doing their own things, and I saw them from time to time but did not grow up around them. I grew up with both of my parents for a bit, and then it was my mom most of the time.
I have always been the “black sheep” of the family, tons of jokes and being made fun of, being blamed for everything and always being compared to my siblings and feeling like I wasn’t as smart or talented as them, especially D. Most of the family now is incredibly toxic with a lot of lying and talking shit behind each other’s backs, and things like abuse, cheating, etc. being joked about and brushed under the rug.
I grew up with a lot of depression and anxiety from my household and all the trauma, and today I still have a lot of anxiety and depression, and it’s difficult to deal with everything day-to-day. Figuring out who I am, what I want to do, all while trying to work and support myself, is hard enough without flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and the obsession of trying to figure out why it all happened. That’s why I’m here - to figure out if this all makes sense, and if I can come back from everything I’ve done and everything that’s happened.
Early Life
Growing up, my mom was loving towards me most of the time, my dad was not as much. When I was around 4, my dad and I were supposed to hang out together at the bowling alley and I caught him cheating on my mom. When I cried about it, he told me with his finger in my face, “I’ll never take you out ever again”, and we went home. I told my mom about the cheating and she confronted him. A few months later she confronted him again because she found clothing that did not belong to her in her room. They were yelling and arguing, I was crying and I tried to stop their fight and my dad picked me up and told my mom “See what you did”, which I didn’t want at all. A few months later, my mom got a restraining order on him, so I didn’t see him much after that. At home, it was me, my mom, and D. My mom has always compared me to my brothers and wanted me to be more like them, especially D. I idolized D growing up because of all of this, and he always seemed so smart and capable.
My mom has always told me bad things about my dad, and I obviously never liked him because of the cheating, but a lot of it is from the things she said. She would tell me, as a child, that he fucked a chicken and a dog, that he sexually abused his mentally ill brother, she would say that he would tell him to stop but my dad kept going, that he didn’t pay child support, that he’s a victim, that he’d be talking with all the gay guys around the beach and the business, and many other things. She made up a song about him sucking dick and I used to sing the song when I was a kid because it made her laugh. My mom shared all of her thoughts and feelings with me where I was like her therapist, and she was always saying all the things my siblings would do that made her cry so I would try to make sure I never did those things. We watched a lot of shows and movies together, but 90% of the time it was things kids shouldn’t watch, from like rated R comedy movies with sex and nudity to graphic sexual assault scenes.
With everything my mom has told me, I’ve internalized all of it so whenever someone has wronged my mom, I’ve taken it personally and felt like I need to fix it and not be like that. For example, one time D’s wife R broke a ceramic bust my mom had and my mom told D and his response was “Don’t be materialistic.” I went and picked up all the pieces and used elmer’s glue to repair the ceramic bust.
Abuse by A
A few months after the restraining order, when I was first starting elementary school, my dad randomly came and picked me up, and he brought me to this apartment complex and he brought me into this room with nothing in it but a loveseat, and he told me to wait in there and not move and he’d be back. A few minutes later, my sister A came in and started taking off her clothes and she told me to take off my clothes, then she laid on the loveseat and told me to get on top of her. I was grossed out when my penis touched her vaginal secretions, I yelled “Ew!” and she told me to go to the restroom to get cleaned up, I cleaned up in the bathroom, and then I came back with the towel and just laid there and she sexually assaulted me. When it was done she put her clothes back on and I did too and then she left the building, and a few minutes later my dad came back in and then took me home and that was it. I didn’t know what to do or why it happened, and my brother D always told me “snitches get stitches”, so I didn’t tell anyone about it.
Abuse by D
Around this same time of my dad leaving, my brother started abusing me verbally, physically, and sexually. He abused me most heavily from elementary through middle school. He stole my best friend away when I was about 5 or 6 , he told us he was making a video and told my friend he could be in it but that he couldn’t talk to me anymore if he was, my friend agreed so I ran home crying, my mom scolded D but that was it. After that I didn’t want to make any friends if he could so easily take them away. I had a girlfriend when I was about 10 that he started sexting on MSN and so that ruined the relationship I had with her. I tore up a picture of her next to her at lunch and threw it away and she left crying. After that I didn’t have a girlfriend for the longest time. I did make two friends later from middle school onward, J and L, who will come up more later.
D started telling me things all the time like the “snitches get stitches" saying, he’d make fun of me crying and mimic me (both of my parents would do the same thing sometimes) and if I tried to do it back he would punch me. I was always called gay by him and basically everyone else in my family, all my siblings and parents joked at different times that I was gay and that has continued. I started to get really bad stomach pain after the abuse started and D would tell me it was in my head, and when I would try to talk about the abuse, he would always say I was lying or it didn’t happen like that or I was remembering it wrong. He and my mom have said he has a photographic memory, and they both have made me feel like I have a bad memory from saying I remember it wrong, so it’s made me doubt everything.
Physically, he has always been pushing, punching, kicking, choking me and threatening to do so. One day he came home from school with his friend and just chased me into our room upstairs and choked me. I was crying and he said if I didn’t stop crying he’d choke me harder, and his friend walked up and he saw me as he came into the room, I was crying and we locked eyes as I asked him for help. D saw the look on his friend’s face and let me go, his friend left and never came back. Another time he pushed me down and I was crying and I ran and hid from him. My dad was there at the time and he told D to stop banging on the door and D was saying that I was lying about the push and that he would break my game if I did not tell the truth. Shortly after he slid two halves of a PS1 CD for Vigilante 8 under the door. He has also gone out of his way to hurt other children and make them cry, and when asked why? D said “I could have made you cry but I wanted him to cry”.
D always said the sexual abuse was in his sleep so he couldn’t control it, but then he would say I was coming up to him and basically coming onto him in his sleep, but a lot of these times happened during the day or not in bed at all. The first time it happened I was in elementary school, he asked me who my crush was in school, I told him and he said that he could close his eyes and become her. I tried to kiss him since “he was my crush” and he kept dodging the kiss attempts, and then after that he went straight into sucking my penis, I didn’t know how to react, he just did it. This happened multiple times over the next few months with other crushes I had too. The next few years in elementary I saw him on and off as he was staying with my dad more, and whenever he would come over it would start off being nice and regular, but it would always lead to things like him being physical with punches.
A few years after these incidents, I don’t really know why it happened, but my dad and brother moved back in with us. The abuse started back up; he brought me to this bathroom once to look at his semen in the toilet, and then he tried to masturbate me, but it made me feel ticklish all over, and after that happened I became obsessed with masturbating.
Once the sexual abuse started, he didn’t want me to sit next to him anymore, and if I was in his near vicinity he would always get upset and had something to say about it. The sexual abuse was sporadic, and just happened whenever he wanted it, and he’d usually masturbate me while fucking me. Sometimes he would manipulate me to do it. One particular time I was playing a video game on the computer by myself, he came in and told me I had to get out of the room. He then followed up and said if I laid with him it would recharge him and then we could play video games together. When I laid with him and he started fucking me and masturbating me, I told him to stop and that it hurt, but he said “I’ve seen you take shits bigger than my dick,” and kept going. When he was done I left and went to the bathroom and cried for a little bit and had to take care of myself as I had lost some perianal skin during the assault. After this, I left the bathroom and went back into the room and he was on the computer, ready to play video games.
Another time we were riding bikes together at night and we passed by this ditch near my school by some trees, he just pulled to the side and stopped had us lay in the ditch, he fucked me and masturbated me and then we rode home.
Another time D and I trespassed into a construction zone to hang out, it was a set of apartments being built but they weren’t finished yet. We went into what I think was one of the bathroom areas and he fucked me while masturbating me, and then after that we just got up and left.
Another time we were walking from a friend’s house and we went to a park nearby on our way home. We stopped by some bushes that are sort of like a maze, and there was one of those green pad mounted transformers in there. He took me into there and just like the other times, he fucked me and masturbated me and then afterwards we got up and went home.
Another time, he told me he was taking the van out to do donuts and invited me along. He had invited me before to do this in my mom’s Camaro on a previous Sunday, and it was Sunday again so I was excited for it. We got into the van and he drove a street or two down and parked in an empty corner of the warehouse parking lot. He got into the farthest back seat of the van and I followed him because I knew what was happening, he fucked me and masturbated me and then I got up to get dressed. I put my pants on and I saw my dad walking towards us in the distance, I mentioned it to D and he immediately got up and rushed to get ready and started the van to drive us back. My dad stopped us for a moment but just looked at D and as we drove on my dad was just shaking his head the whole time.
There are more, but you get the point.
In any of these events, my parents would not help me and would often make fun of my crying. Sometimes they would yell at him, but he would always say I was bothering him or it didn’t happen. These types of abuse from D continued up unto middle school and didn’t really stop until he moved out, but he still continued physical and verbal abuse afterwards and to this day tries to spin what happened.
D also told me to act crazy and yell to scare people if I’m fighting with them, and then in every situation with me he would act completely calm so that I looked crazy, my mom is similar and will scream at me in fights but then when anyone else is around she is completely calm.
School onto Adulthood
So obviously a lot of the abuse was still happening at this time, but when I was in middle school I flunked 7th grade and had to repeat it. During that repeat year I was doing well so they wanted to put me into 8th grade already three quarters of the way through, I begged my them not to as I knew I wasn’t ready for it but they did it anyway, and I started failing everything immediately. It wasn’t going how I wanted, and we were having issues at home with money my mom’s house was going about to go through foreclosure, so my dropping out was in the knick of time and I started working at Taco Bell for about a year.
After that, I tried to go back in, but I was too old for middle school. I was told to go to the Adult School nearby and when I did they informed me that I was too young for the adult school, and the high school would’ve been too difficult due to my time off. So I just went back to working and didn’t go back to school. In this time, D wasn’t around as he was with friends a lot, and eventually moved out after being at home for a year doing drugs and being a dick all the time to my mom by bringing people to the house when my mom did not want anyone there. I had a slightly older girlfriend in her 30s around this time who I dated for a year or so we’ll call K; our age difference was a big insecurity for her. At one point I messed up and cheated on her because she was still talking to her ex and it made me insecure, and we broke up. It destroyed me for a while and I was thinking about her a lot.
I went back and got my High School Diploma at 21. Over the next few years I worked and then when I was trying to go back to school at my local community college, I made friends with this girl who was there and we’d talk every now and again. I missed K often and on this one day that I was in the library studying, I had a sudden urge to go home as if something was wrong gut feeling; As I drove home I saw K’s vehicle at an angle as they were hit by a F-150 truck. I ended up staying with K until everything was sorted and then I drove them home.
We caught up and later started dating again but it wasn’t good, our relationship wasn’t any better and we still could not go out together to places. So one time I went with the girl from college to a theme park and when I informed K about it they left and went to their parent’s house as they felt I was cheating, but the first time K and I were together she always mentioned that she was overweight and did not feel confident enough to be with me in public due to our age so we never went to the beach or theme park. Which is why I didn’t bother asking her this time and instead asked a classmate. We went as friends but it was too much for K so we broke up again but still lived together for a couple of months after that. I was a dick at the time and started dating the girl from my college while we still lived together, but I didn’t like her much and we didn’t date for long. Looking back I really regret the way I did all that and realize how hurtful it was to K.
Throughout these later years I had kept up my friendship with J and L, and J was my best friend, we would hang out all the time. L and I were friends, but we weren’t as close as I was to J. All three of us hung out from time to time, and I had a crush and L. Once L and I were hanging out alone watching Lord of the Rings late at night, both of us completely sober, and I told her I was going to masturbate and offered for her to join. She immediately agreed and went to it, it was a mutual masturbation session that turned into sex, and she even told me I could finish inside her. Afterwards I fell asleep (I apologized for this) and took her home later. At some point when I was apologizing, L said, “it takes two to tango”. The next day, J called me and asked what happened with L. I told her and an argument ensued because apparently it wasn’t consensual, I can’t remember specifically what was said but I was really upset about it and I lost J as my friend after that, which is one of the friendships I cherished the most and missed the most.
I was extremely depressed and feeling like an abuse after all of this and needed a change of scenery, so I moved in with my brother H, his wife C, and their four kids. I was trying to go to school around where they lived. I lived with them for a few years, and during this time I was trying to go to school down there and working with him each day. I was honestly getting more and more depressed, I started getting high a lot and just didn’t give a fuck because of that, and our daily work wasn’t much so I was starting to feel like I wasn’t going to make anything with my life.
A little later when I was 24, my dad died, everyone came for the funeral except for D as he told my mom “I want to remember him the way he was”. I went with H and C as I was still living with them at the time, and then we went back together.
Planned Abuse of F, Remembering Abuse of G
While I was living with H, one time everyone was trying to play this mobile game together and my niece’s phone wasn’t working; H was resetting it - I had the game endless frontier open on my phone and was playing it in the room; H entered the room and asked if I wanted to head to the gas station and I said sure, as we walk through the living room I saw that F was on the sofa but not using their phone. I asked them if they wanted to play endless frontier on mine and she said yes, so I let her use mine while H and I went to the store. When we came back, she wasn’t on the game anymore and said she had gotten bored, and she went through my photos and saw some dick pics I had sent to a girl I was talking to at the time. I was terrified when this happened and I didn’t really know what to do. It brought back memories when I was on H’s phone at a younger age and saw dick pics accidentally and he yelled at me.
Some weeks pass after this, I wake up to a commotion as I leave the room. I see H’s wife C choking my niece F on the ground in the corner of the living room. I did not know what to do here so I backed into the room I woke up in and waited until everything ended. After she stopped, I called F and one of my nephews into the room I was staying in and asked them about this. I recorded the interaction; they were hesitant to answer until I mentioned that it was for their safety, and they said this was a thing she did all the time to my niece and my nephew gestured with his hands a choking motion at his neck. I asked the nephew if C had done it to them ever, but both him and F said it’s never happened to him. I didn’t know what to do and called my mom who told me not to tell H or he’d kill C and to stop talking / hanging out with F because they may say I was having sex with her.
At this point in my life I was already attempting to kill myself and a friend of D’s (M) came and saved me 2 times prior. So in my head I heard he would kill C for choking their daughter and all I wanted was to die. I felt that the family would hate me and thus forget me quickly for doing such a horrid thing. I wouldn’t care, I wouldn’t be here, and my mom could be with the loving toxic family she’s always loved.
Over the next few months I didn’t do anything physically but I did talk to her about sex when she asked me about it, I just explained sex as a normal beautiful thing that couples do and to wait until you’re at least 18 and wait until you’re ready to do it. She also told me she had been looking at porn previously and showed me porn she was interested in on a site for a few seconds. She said C caught her and shamed her, telling her God didn’t like it and it was demonic. D had similarly told me to think about God when I was younger and thinking about sex, so this reminded me of that and terrified me. The next night, she came up and said she couldn’t sleep because she couldn’t stop thinking about sex. I told her to sleep on the couch behind me and I just held her hand from the other couch and helped her fall asleep. I did show her my penis for a few seconds one time, nothing else happened physically/sexually.
I also retrieved a memory a year or so ago, and realized I got revenge on my sister A by abusing her daughter one time. My sister A left her husband and was living with my other brother J when I did what I did to my niece G. I didn’t do anything physically to her but we were on the couch and I masturbated behind her, it only happened one time.
I have immense regret for it and I just want to tell her how sorry I am for doing that, because she didn’t do anything to me and I hate that I did that to her. I hate that I abused someone because it makes me feel like my brother and that is never who I want to be. I have been wanting to apologize to her and talk to them and explain everything with what A did to me, but every time I bring it up my mom made me promise not to talk to G because it will break their mother-daughter trust in one another. I also don’t want to ask for forgiveness because I feel like the family would expect me to forgive D.

I'm buzzed and depressed. You don't have to read this. But Pixies came up and I remembered I used to listen to them all the time, especially during times when I felt lonely or isolated. First time I ever heard Pixies though was in the back of my mom's car on a cold night. I think I was may 11 or 12. Kim Deal's ethereal voice was just transfixing to me..."with your feet in the air and head in the ground" and then she sung. I usually never asked my parents what a certain song was because I was embarrassed, music was such an emotional thing, but I had to that time.
My high school had a block schedule and I was dual enrolled. I was by myself most of the time, especially when I took online courses. No friends. I felt a deep loneliness that would only deepen into adulthood, so I watched videos, listened to Pixies, and listened to my neighbor blow the leaves from his yard that fall. This was a time when I worked in a grocery store, and I'd get so anxious there, I'd freeze and could barely talk and people would talk down to me. I'd lose money at the registers and lotto tickets because I was so nervous.
In 2019, I was a junior and Beneath the Eyre came out that winter. I would listen to it in my old Jeep Cherokee or at home. I thought i was a failure. It was cold, I was alone. But I listened to Pixies and it felt better.
In 2020, the pandemic came, and I'd discover their b-sides compilation; and among all the shit going on, I'd enjoy "Ed is Dead" and "Here Comes Your Man" before stocking shelves to be wiped out in the early pandemic hoarding.
It's 2024, and I'm not young anymore, and I realize for the first time in my life certain milestones are truly passed, that there are indeed irreplaceable things gone forever. I've never felt sadder and more hopeless. I have so many superficial things going right in my life -- grad school, two interviews next week -- and its all the more painful I can no longer enjoy them. I listened to Where is My Mind tonight and it gave me the floating ease it did in the back of mom's car, when I was a kid and life was a curiosity, not a sentence.

Hi. Im a 30M na may partner na 34M. He's my first. Naka isang gf lang ako tapos siya na. Kung san pa ko humugot ng lakas ng loob makaamin lang na gusto ko siya, and I did it over the phone.
Now, we're reaching our 2nd year.
Early stages ng relationship was like heaven. Best days of my life. Pero of course, there are shaky moments, actually madalas.
It all started when I tried to browse his phone. He came from a relationship (same sex) Where he allowed na maging number 2. Nung kinukwento nya to habang nanliligaw pa lang ako eh, I can totally feel the pain and how devastated he was. Kaya medyo nahirapan siya pagtiwalaan ako nung una. I saw some videos, during the time na nag eexplore siya (G app) Kasi prior to the number 2 situation, nagka rel pa siya na didnt end well too. I asked him why the videos are still there. ( I saw them on his very old phone na ginagamit lang nya for bank transfers) He said, years na bago ung last na check nya dun sa phone na yun and didnt know it was still there. So to put an end on this argument, I took the liberty of deleting every single thing, for my peace of mind as well.
Then there came a time na I had a problem financially during the rel. Nag offer kasi si bank ng loan, I took it. We spent it mostly, going out of town, cebu, tagaytay, galera etc, and magbili bili ng gamit sa apartment na nirerent nya. So basically, we were building our life together.
So, nung nagsimula na ung time na palagi akong CWD, tinanong nya ano nangyayare kung may loan ba ko, baket lagi ako gipit, kasi di na ko nakakapag bigay ng share ko sa expenses. I lied. Told him na wala akong loan, na majority lang ng sahod ay napupunta sa family.
This kept going on for months, ramdam ko ung stress nya sa pera dahil napapaheram na din siya sa family nya, feeling nya wala siya katulong, based don sa kwento nya sa mga friends namin, di nya masabi saken kasi nga mahal nya ko at ayaw nya ako pauwiin/paalisin.
Then, there were 2 instances din na minsan nakakuha ako pera sakanya ng di nya nalalaman. Sobrang mali. Sobrang sising sisi ako na ginawa ko yon. Moreover, nung nag stay temporarily ung isang friend namin sa apt (kasi walang wala din yon) nalaman namin na pwede pala unahan si bank sa pagkaltas, so gagawin hintayin macredit sahod then bibilisan ang transfer sa ewallet para di madeduct sa loan, don ko na lang nashare na may loan din ako, not directly to him, nabrought lang yung convo kaya nasabi ko na din.
When it comes to intimacy, we've never done penetration, ever. So I know that u guys knew what we were doing. Last time we did it was last year. After non wala na, recently nag ask ako kasi nga 1yr na nakalipas, sabe nya, puro kasi problema kaya pano gaganahan. I accepted kasi totoo naman.
Magkawork kami sa office at magkateam, after a year, napromote ako into level II. Actually sabay kami nag apply pero ako lang nakuha. Lungkot din sya non, kasi sabay kami inapproach to apply pero ako lang nakuha. He felt left behind, na parang wala siyang growth don. So he resigned.
Last year December, I lost my mom. Wala na siya sa office non, ako andon pa. Sobrang sakit mawalan ng magulang. I expressed my intention to him na reresign na din ako don kasi I lost my focus, I lost myself, gusto ko lang magkulong at magluksa.
He kept telling me na while andon pa ko and if Im planning to resign, mag apply apply na ko sa iba para di ako mabakante ng matagal. I didnt listen. Umalis ako at nagpahinga with my final pay as my only source, dun pa din sa apartment. Then, malapit na maubos funds ko saka lang ako nag apply apply, nahirapan ako, up to now naghihintay pa din ako ng final interview.
Siya naman, nakapag start na ulet mag work. Bumalik sa dati ang sitwasyon. Pinapasan nya ulit lahat, waiting for me na makabangon. Kaya lang di na nya nahintay.
He told me na napagod na siya maghintay makabangon ako, pinilit naman nya. Kasi ung pinangsimula nya, sa family nya siya umasa eh. So yun ang binubuno nya hulugan ngayon. Sabe nya saken, somehow nagsisi siya at nalungkot makita na nalugmok ako. Hindi ako nakakapag pagupit, sobrang pumayat ako, bumagsak katawan ko, bigat na bigat ako sa sarili ko.
Then sa office nila, may umaaligid saknya na guy. Nagpaparamdam. Before he started working, he gave me a headsup na hindi nya ipapaalam na Bi siya na may partner siya. I said ok, kasi discreet din kami nung una then eventually nalaman din kasi dahil saken din, I was just proud na kami, we're together.
This guy kept on sending him flirty messages, nag effort pa yun kumuha mga stolen pictures nya then isesend sa msnger with a caption "pogiii" I asked him sino yun, sabe kawork, at biro biro lang yon, palabiro talaga at may ibang nililigawan sa office. Di naman nya mapagbawalan magsend kasi di nga alam na may partner, tinatawanan lang nya pag nirereplayan nya. Pero I know na may something don sa guy. Na naaamoy nya partner ko.
Then saturday came, naginuman sila buong team. Mga 2pm na siya nakauwi, out nya 5am. Lasing na lasing, di alam pano nakauwi. So, forda alaga ako. While he was sleeping, sunday morning, I had an urge to check his phone, nilagay ko daliri nya kasi tinanggal na nya fingerprint ko at iniba ung pin dahil sa instance ng pangungupit.
The guy messaged him, called him "daddy mwa" at "wag mo ipagkalat sa office kung gano ko kasarap humalik kasi di naman ako magpapagaw"
P*******NA
Kahit tulog pa siya, talagang sumigaw ako. Sabe ako ano ibig sabihin neto at pano nya nagawa saken to. Nung sinagot nya ko siya ba nag sabe na "wag mo akong lolokohin" And then this??!!!
He said, hindi nya alam, wala siya matandaan, lasing siya. Typical reasoning.
Sobrang nagiinit ang emosyon ko, sabe ko papuntahin nya ung guy or tawagan at mag uusap kaming tatlo. Ang tinawagan nya, ung straight friend na offcmate nya to ask if nakita nya siya naghalikan, sabe non hindi nya alam, hindi nya matandaan.
Now, we're taking a break. Physically, intimately, emotionally. Dun nya nabrought ung struggle namin financially na naging deciding factor para sakanya.
Monday, the day I packed my stuff (Di ko nakuha lahat kasi andami) We had a mature conversation before I left, na aayusin muna ang mga buhay buhay, lalo na ko since wala ko work at pera, ang hirap kumilos. Then kapag ok na lahat, maybe we can try again. Focus muna ako sa sarili at pamilya ko, kasi pati rent namin sa bahay where are father lives ay behind na, malapit na kami maapaalis.
So, yun ang usapan.
The next day, siguro tinadhana na din na mahanap ko ung acct ni guy. Matagal ko na kasi talagang hinanap. Di ko napigilan at minessage ko, di ko inaway or minura. I kept it professional.
Told the guy na nababasa ko lahat ng chat nya lalo na ung inuman scene, told him na may partner is not available, not single kaya please pakitigil.
Sinend nya ung message ko na yun sa partner ko with a message "hindi ka pala single, gago ka" He said sorry to the guy.
Inabisuhan ko naman partner ko na nahanap ko ung acct, sinend ko din ung sinabi ko to prove na di ko inaway. Asked him what he feels, he said na di nya alam, na sana hinayaan ko na siya na magsabi. Sabe ko naman, kung matagal mo na sinabi, hindi aabot sa ganto.
Right now, nag uusap pa din kami. Minsan sobrang nakukulitan din ako sa sarili ko kasi nag usap na kami na time and space nga pero madalas ko pa din siya chinecheck. Maybe I'm still at the withdrawal stage. Nag apologize ako, and said unti unti kong ititigil. Na ano pang sense nung napag usapan kung araw araw pa din ako chat ng chat.
I asked an update don sa guy, sabe di na sila naguusap at nagpapansinan kasi galit nga. Na awkward na nga sa work.
Kagabi galing ako don, nag ask ako permission to stay the night kasi late na natapos interviews at wala na ko masasakyan pauwi. He agreed. Medyo inis pa nga siya na andon ako ulit eh akala nya ba may pinag usapan kami, sabe nya. Pero naging ok naman eventually.
Now, Im back home, pinipigil tanggalin siya sa sistema ko muna. Masyado ko kasi pinaikot mundo ko sakanya, kaya napabaayan ko na sarili ko. Katapos lang namin mag chat over IG pero hindi kami ok. Kulit ko din kasi talaga. Baka sa kakulitan ko eh icut na nya comms ng tuluyan para don talaga sa time and space. Kaya tumigil na ko, pipigilan ko hanggat maaari.
What are your thoughts on this po? Sobrang bait din niya kasi sabe nya pagsahod nya, bibigyan nya ko pang simula. Di na muna nya huhulugan family nya.
Im still trying to continue my life na di siya nakakausap, kasama at nakikita. Focus muna ako ibangon ang sarili ko, yun din sabe nya, na nawala na ung taong nakilala nya at minahal nya. I guess, heto muna ang mundo ko.
Help please.

1991 (Aug. 13, 1991-Dec. 31, 1991):

1. F-ZERO (Launch Title)
   
2. Gradius III (Launch Title)
   
3. Pilotwings (Launch Title)
   
4. SimCity (Launch Title)
   
5. Super Mario World (Launch Title)
   
6. Drakkhen
   
7. Final Fight
   
8. HAL's Hole in One Golf
   
9. HyperZone
   
10. Populous
    
11. Super Bases Loaded
    
12. Super R-Type
    
13. The Chessmaster
    
14. U.N. Squadron
    
15. Ultraman
    
16. Final Fantasy II
    
17. ActRaiser
    
18. Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball
    
19. Darius Twin
    
20. John Madden Football
    
21. Paperboy 2
    
22. Radical Psycho Machine Racing
    
23. Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts
    
24. Super Tennis
    
25. True Golf Classics: Waialae Country Club
    
26. Super Castlevania IV
    
27. D-Force
    
28. Home Alone
    
29. Lagoon
    
30. Super Baseball Simulator 1.000
    
31. Super Off Road
    
32. The Miracle Piano Teaching System
    

1992 (Jan. 1, 1992-Dec. 31, 1992):

1. Earth Defense Force
   
2. Joe & Mac
   
3. Ys III: Wanderers from Ys
   
4. Nolan Ryan's Baseball
   
5. Super Scope 6
   
6. Super Smash TV
   
7. The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
   
8. Extra Innings
   
9. Lemmings
   
10. PGA Tour Golf
    
11. Pit-Fighter
    
12. Smart Ball
    
13. The Addams Family
    
14. WWF Super WrestleMania
    
15. Contra III: The Alien Wars
    
16. Raiden Trad
    
17. Rival Turf!
    
18. Super Adventure Island
    
19. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
    
20. Top Gear
    
21. True Golf Classics: Pebble Beach Golf Links
    
22. World League Soccer
    
23. Xardion
    
24. Arcana
    
25. Jack Nicklaus Golf
    
26. Mario Paint
    
27. Romance of the Three Kingdoms II
    
28. Super Soccer
    
29. The Rocketeer
    
30. Garry Kitchen's Super Battletank: War in the Gulf
    
31. Krusty's Super Fun House
    
32. Space Football: One on One
    
33. Super Soccer Champ
    
34. Thunder Spirits
    
35. Clue
    
36. Spanky's Quest
    
37. Street Fighter II: The World Warrior
    
38. Ka-blooey
    
39. Magic Sword
    
40. Rampart
    
41. Soul Blazer
    
42. Strike Gunner S.T.G.
    
43. Super Play Action Football
    
44. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
    
45. Axelay
    
46. DinoCity
    
47. F1 ROC: Race of Champions
    
48. Faceball 2000
    
49. George Foreman's KO Boxing
    
50. Monopoly
    
51. RoboCop 3
    
52. Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball
    
53. Super Bowling
    
54. Super Mario Kart
    
55. The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
    
56. Wheel of Fortune: Featuring Vanna White
    
57. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest
    
58. Battle Clash
    
59. BlaZeon: The Bio-Cyborg Challenge
    
60. David Crane's Amazing Tennis
    
61. Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf
    
62. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
    
63. Hook
    
64. James Bond Jr.
    
65. King of the Monsters
    
66. NCAA Basketball
    
67. Phalanx
    
68. Q*bert 3
    
69. Race Drivin'
    
70. Sküljagger: Revolt of the Westicans
    
71. Space Megaforce
    
72. Super Batter Up
    
73. Super Buster Bros.
    
74. Super Double Dragon
    
75. The Irem Skins Game
    
76. TKO Super Championship Boxing
    
77. Wings 2: Aces High
    
78. Bazooka Blitzkrieg
    
79. Best of the Best: Championship Karate
    
80. Captain Novolin
    
81. Chuck Rock
    
82. Cyber Spin
    
83. Firepower 2000
    
84. GunForce
    
85. Imperium
    
86. John Madden Football '93
    
87. On the Ball
    
88. Out of This World
    
89. Prince of Persia
    
90. Road Riot 4WD
    
91. Road Runner's Death Valley Rally
    
92. Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade's Revenge
    
93. Super Star Wars
    
94. Wing Commander
    
95. Wordtris
    
96. X-Zone
    
97. Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs
    
98. Cal Ripken Jr. Baseball
    
99. Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool
    
100. Gemfire
     
101. Goal!
     
102. Gods: The Bitmap Brothers
     
103. Jeopardy!
     
104. Jimmy Connors Pro Tennis Tour
     
105. Lethal Weapon
     
106. Musya
     
107. NBA All-Star Challenge
     
108. NHLPA Hockey '93
     
109. Pro Quarterback
     
110. Push-Over
     
111. Test Drive II: The Duel
     
112. The Magical Quest starring Mickey Mouse
     
113. WarpSpeed
     

1993 (Jan. 1, 1993-Dec. 31, 1993):

1. California Games II
   
2. Power Moves
   
3. The Hunt for Red October
   
4. Uncharted Waters
   
5. Aerobiz
   
6. Cool World
   
7. Dragon's Lair
   
8. Harley's Humongous Adventure
   
9. Hit the Ice
   
10. Shanghai II: Dragon's Eye
    
11. SimEarth: The Living Planet
    
12. Sonic Blast Man
    
13. Super Valis IV
    
14. The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt
    
15. Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loose!
    
16. Doomsday Warrior
    
17. Inindo: Way of the Ninja
    
18. King Arthur's World
    
19. Spindizzy Worlds
    
20. Star Fox
    
21. Super Conflict: The Mideast
    
22. Super Strike Eagle
    
23. Tecmo Super NBA Basketball
    
24. The Combatribes
    
25. American Gladiators
    
26. Batman Returns
    
27. Battle Grand Prix
    
28. Brawl Brothers
    
29. Cybernator
    
30. Fatal Fury
    
31. Outlander
    
32. Street Combat
    
33. Super Ninja Boy
    
34. The Lost Vikings
    
35. The Terminator
    
36. Tom and Jerry
    
37. Toys
    
38. Wayne's World
    
39. Alien³
    
40. Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind
    
41. Congo's Caper
    
42. MechWarrior
    
43. Shadowrun
    
44. Super Black Bass
    
45. Super Turrican
    
46. Taz-Mania
    
47. Vegas Stakes
    
48. Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
    
49. Rock n' Roll Racing
    
50. Run Saber
    
51. B.O.B.
    
52. Battletoads in Battlemaniacs
    
53. Cacoma Knight in Bizyland
    
54. Dungeon Master
    
55. Family Dog
    
56. Kawasaki Caribbean Challenge
    
57. Mario is Missing!
    
58. Pocky & Rocky
    
59. Super High Impact
    
60. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends
    
61. The Blues Brothers
    
62. The Great Waldo Search
    
63. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
    
64. Wolfchild
    
65. WWF Royal Rumble
    
66. Yoshi's Cookie
    
67. E.V.O.: Search for Eden
    
68. First Samurai
    
69. Disney's Goof Troop
    
70. NFL Football
    
71. Nigel Mansell's World Championship Racing
    
72. Super Baseball 2020
    
73. Super James Pond
    
74. Super Slam Dunk
    
75. Final Fight 2
    
76. Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting
    
77. Super Mario All-Stars
    
78. Super Slap Shot
    
79. Mortal Kombat: Competition Edition
    
80. Alien vs. Predator
    
81. Boxing Legends of the Ring
    
82. Bram Stoker's Dracula
    
83. Captain America and the Avengers
    
84. Cool Spot
    
85. GP-1
    
86. Mecarobot Golf
    
87. Operation Logic Bomb: The Ultimate Search & Destroy
    
88. P.T.O.
    
89. Plok
    
90. Redline F-1 Racer
    
91. Rocky Rodent
    
92. Super Bomberman
    
93. Super Off Road: the Baja
    
94. Super Widget
    
95. The 7th Saga
    
96. Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends: Adventure Series
    
97. Top Gear 2
    
98. Tuff E Nuff
    
99. Utopia: The Creation of a Nation
    
100. Wing Commander: The Secret Missions
     
101. World Heroes
     
102. Yoshi's Safari
     
103. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
     
104. Aero the Acro-Bat
     
105. Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team
     
106. Capcom's MVP Football
     
107. Cliffhanger
     
108. Daffy Duck: The Marvin Missions
     
109. Family Feud
     
110. Football Fury
     
111. Kendo Rage
     
112. Last Action Hero
     
113. Lock On
     
114. Madden NFL '94
     
115. NBA Showdown
     
116. NHL '94
     
117. Pac-Attack
     
118. Paladin's Quest
     
119. Secret of Mana
     
120. SimAnt
     
121. Sunset Riders
     
122. Super Caesars Palace
     
123. Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
     
124. The Incredible Crash Dummies
     
125. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Veediots!
     
126. The Super Aquatic Games Starring the Aquabats
     
127. The Wizard of Oz
     
128. Troddlers
     
129. True Golf Classics: Wicked 18
     
130. ActRaiser 2
     
131. Disney's Aladdin
     
132. BioMetal
     
133. Championship Pool
     
134. ClayFighter
     
135. International Tennis Tour
     
136. Jurassic Park
     
137. Lamborghini American Challenge
     
138. NHL Stanley Cup
     
139. Out to Lunch
     
140. Pink Goes to Hollywood
     
141. Ranma ½: Hard Battle
     
142. RoboCop Versus The Terminator
     
143. Steel Talons
     
144. Super Battleship
     
145. Super Putty
     
146. Tecmo Super Bowl
     
147. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
     
148. The Lawnmower Man
     
149. Time Slip
     
150. Tony Meola's Sidekicks Soccer
     
151. Total Carnage
     
152. We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
     
153. ABC Monday Night Football
     
154. Art of Fighting
     
155. Barbie: Super Model
     
156. Battle Blaze
     
157. Battle Cars
     
158. Beethoven: The Ultimate Canine Caper
     
159. Dennis the Menace
     
160. Dig & Spike Volleyball
     
161. F1 Pole Position
     
162. Genghis Khan II: Clan of the Gray Wolf
     
163. Inspector Gadget
     
164. Jim Power: The Lost Dimension in 3-D
     
165. Lufia & the Fortress of Doom
     
166. Mario's Time Machine
     
167. Metal Combat: Falcon's Revenge
     
168. Metal Marines
     
169. Nobunaga's Ambition
     
170. Romance of the Three Kingdoms III: Dragon of Destiny
     
171. Side Pocket
     
172. Soldiers of Fortune
     
173. Super Chase H.Q.
     
174. Super Nova
     
175. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
     
176. The Adventures of Dr. Franken
     
177. World Soccer '94: Road to Glory
     

1994 (Jan. 1, 1994-Dec. 31, 1994):

1. Brett Hull Hockey
   
2. Choplifter III
   
3. Lester the Unlikely
   
4. Lethal Enforcers
   
5. Mega Man X
   
6. Riddick Bowe Boxing
   
7. Skyblazer
   
8. Super Battletank 2
   
9. Super Solitaire
   
10. Zool: Ninja of the Nth Dimension
    
11. Ardy Lightfoot
    
12. Bill Walsh College Football
    
13. Bugs Bunny: Rabbit Rampage
    
14. Flashback: The Quest for Identity
    
15. Mickey's Ultimate Challenge
    
16. Ninja Warriors
    
17. Pro Sport Hockey
    
18. Sports Illustrated: Championship Football & Baseball
    
19. Super Alfred Chicken
    
20. 1. Super Bases Loaded 2
21. Super Troll Islands
    
22. T2: The Arcade Game
    
23. Turn and Burn: No-Fly Zone
    
24. Winter Olympic Games: Lillehammer '94
    
25. X-Kaliber 2097
    
26. Chester Cheetah: Wild Wild Quest
    
27. Claymates
    
28. Equinox
    
29. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball
    
30. MLBPA Baseball
    
31. NBA Jam
    
32. Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past
    
33. The Flintstones: The Treasure of Sierra Madrock
    
34. The Peace Keepers
    
35. Wolfenstein 3D
    
36. Young Merlin
    
37. Super Metroid
    
38. Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Eye of the Beholder
    
39. Bébé's Kids
    
40. Champions World Class Soccer
    
41. Dream T.V.
    
42. Fatal Fury 2
    
43. Joe & Mac 2: Lost in the Tropics
    
44. King of Dragons
    
45. Knights of the Round
    
46. Legend
    
47. Liberty or Death
    
48. Mega Man Soccer
    
49. Pinball Dreams
    
50. Rocko's Modern Life: Spunky's Dangerous Day
    
51. SOS
    
52. Super Goal! 2
    
53. Time Trax
    
54. Ultima: The False Prophet
    
55. Wheel of Fortune: Deluxe Edition
    
56. Wizardry V: Heart of the Maelstrom
    
57. Andre Agassi Tennis
    
58. ClayFighter: Tournament Edition
    
59. ESPN Baseball Tonight
    
60. FIFA International Soccer
    
61. Jeopardy! Sports Edition
    
62. Relief Pitcher
    
63. Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
    
64. Space Ace
    
65. Spectre
    
66. Suzuka 8 Hours
    
67. The Pirates of Dark Water
    
68. ESPN SpeedWorld
    
69. Barkley: Shut Up and Jam!
    
70. Capcom's Soccer Shootout
    
71. Championship Soccer '94
    
72. Final Fight Guy
    
73. HardBall III
    
74. Hyper V-Ball
    
75. Jeopardy! Deluxe Edition
    
76. King of the Monsters 2
    
77. Natsume Championship Wrestling
    
78. Operation Europe: Path to Victory 1939-45
    
79. Saturday Night Slam Masters
    
80. Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers
    
81. The Jetsons: Invasion of the Planet Pirates
    
82. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Fire Dogs
    
83. The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang
    
84. Tommy Moe's Winter Extreme: Skiing & Snowboarding
    
85. Ultimate Fighter
    
86. World Cup USA '94
    
87. Disney's Beauty and the Beast
    
88. F1 ROC II: Race of Champions
    
89. Stunt Race FX
    
90. Super Godzilla
    
91. Breath of Fire
    
92. Aerobiz Supersonic
    
93. An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
    
94. Brain Lord
    
95. Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls
    
96. Eek! The Cat
    
97. Elite Soccer
    
98. Fighter's History
    
99. Fun 'n Games
    
100. Mr. Nutz
     
101. Tetris 2
     
102. The Adventures of Kid Kleets
     
103. The Death and Return of Superman
     
104. The Incredible Hulk
     
105. Disney's The Jungle Book
     
106. The Untouchables
     
107. Troy Aikman NFL Football
     
108. Kid Klown in Crazy Chase
     
109. Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage
     
110. Blackthorne
     
111. Illusion of Gaia
     
112. Mario's Early Years: Fun with Numbers
     
113. Michael Andretti's Indy Car Challenge
     
114. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
     
115. Mortal Kombat II
     
116. Obitus
     
117. Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures
     
118. Super Bomberman 2
     
119. Tecmo Super Baseball
     
120. Virtual Bart
     
121. Vortex
     
122. WildSnake
     
123. World Heroes 2
     
124. Final Fantasy III
     
125. Adventures of Yogi Bear
     
126. Disney's Bonkers
     
127. Bubsy II
     
128. Earthworm Jim
     
129. Firestriker
     
130. HammerLock Wrestling
     
131. Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures
     
132. J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings: Volume 1
     
133. Lord of Darkness
     
134. Mario's Early Years: Fun with Letters
     
135. Math Blaster: Episode 1
     
136. Mickey Mania: The Timeless Adventures of Mickey Mouse
     
137. NBA Live '95
     
138. NCAA Football
     
139. Operation Thunderbolt
     
140. R-Type III: The Third Lightning
     
141. Radical Rex
     
142. Robotrek
     
143. Shaq-Fu
     
144. Shien's Revenge
     
145. Snow White in Happily Ever After
     
146. Sparkster
     
147. Super Adventure Island II
     
148. Super Punch-Out!!
     
149. Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
     
150. The Great Circus Mystery Starring Mickey & Minnie
     
151. Disney's The Lion King
     
152. Uncharted Waters: New Horizons
     
153. Donkey Kong Country
     
154. 3 Ninjas Kick Back
     
155. ACME Animation Factory
     
156. Aero Fighters
     
157. Aero the Acro-Bat 2
     
158. Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
     
159. Animaniacs
     
160. Ballz 3D
     
161. Bassin's Black Bass with Hank Parker
     
162. Beavis and Butt-Head
     
163. Cannondale Cup
     
164. Demon's Crest
     
165. Dragon View
     
166. ESPN Sunday Night NFL
     
167. Ghoul Patrol
     
168. Home Improvement
     
169. Jammit
     
170. Jurassic Park Part 2: The Chaos Continues
     
171. Lemmings 2: The Tribes
     
172. Madden NFL '95
     
173. Mario's Early Years: Preschool Fun
     
174. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
     
175. Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City
     
176. Newman/Haas Indy Car featuring Nigel Mansell
     
177. NHL '95
     
178. Nickelodeon GUTS
     
179. No Escape
     
180. Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure
     
181. Pocky & Rocky 2
     
182. Samurai Shodown
     
183. Sonic Blast Man II
     
184. Speed Racer in My Most Dangerous Adventures
     
185. Stone Protectors
     
186. Street Hockey '95
     
187. Super Bonk
     
188. Super Pinball: Behind the Mask
     
189. The Pagemaster
     
190. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Time Warp
     
191. Tin Star
     
192. TNN Bass Tournament of Champions
     
193. Ultima: Runes of Virtue II
     
194. Ultima: The Black Gate
     
195. WCW SuperBrawl Wrestling
     
196. Wolverine: Adamantium Rage
     
197. WWF Raw
     
198. X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse
     
199. Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel
     
200. Biker Mice from Mars
     
201. Brutal: Paws of Fury
     
202. ESPN National Hockey Night
     
203. GP-1: Part II
     
204. Hurricanes
     
205. Metal Morph
     
206. Micro Machines
     
207. NFL Quarterback Club
     
208. Pieces
     
209. Power Instinct
     
210. Rise of the Robots
     
211. Star Trek: Starfleet Academy – Starship Bridge Simulator
     
212. Street Racer
     
213. Tetris & Dr. Mario
     
214. The Adventures of Batman & Robin
     
215. The Tick
     
216. Tiny Toon Adventures: Wacky Sports Challenge
     
217. Uniracers
     
218. Wario's Woods
     
219. Super Game Boy (if counts)
     

1995 (Jan. 1, 1995-Dec. 31, 1995):

1. A.S.P. Air Strike Patrol
   
2. BreakThru!
   
3. Brett Hull Hockey 95
   
4. Carrier Aces
   
5. ClayFighter 2: Judgment Clay
   
6. Full Throttle: All-American Racing
   
7. Mega Man X2
   
8. Might and Magic III: Isles of Terra
   
9. Pac-In-Time
   
10. Rap Jam: Volume One
    
11. seaQuest DSV
    
12. Tecmo Super Bowl II: Special Edition
    
13. The Ignition Factor
    
14. NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
    
15. Addams Family Values
    
16. The Adventures of Mighty Max
    
17. Brandish
    
18. Kirby's Avalanche
    
19. Kirby's Dream Course
    
20. Looney Tunes B-Ball
    
21. NCAA Final Four Basketball
    
22. Pinball Fantasies
    
23. Rise of the Phoenix
    
24. Spider-Man: The Animated Series
    
25. Super Bases Loaded 3: License to Steal
    
26. The Flintstones : The Movie
    
27. Top Gear 3000
    
28. True Lies
    
29. Bust-A-Move
    
30. Sterling Sharpe: End 2 End
    
31. The Itchy & Scratchy Game
    
32. Warlock
    
33. Fatal Fury Special
    
34. Kyle Petty's No Fear Racing
    
35. Metal Warriors
    
36. Stargate
    
37. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Buckaroo$!
    
38. Timecop
    
39. Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
    
40. EarthBound
    
41. Air Cavalry
    
42. Bass Masters Classic
    
43. Hagane: The Final Conflict
    
44. International Superstar Soccer
    
45. Judge Dredd
    
46. Jungle Strike
    
47. Justice League Task Force
    
48. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
    
49. Packy & Marlon
    
50. Phantom 2040
    
51. Super R.B.I. Baseball
    
52. The Sporting News: Baseball
    
53. Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
    
54. King Arthur and the Knights of Justice
    
55. Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire
    
56. Tecmo Secret of the Stars
    
57. Wild Guns
    
58. Ninja Gaiden Trilogy
    
59. Chrono Trigger
    
60. Primal Rage
    
61. Batman Forever
    
62. Captain Commando
    
63. Demolition Man
    
64. Killer Instinct
    
65. Speedy Gonzales: Los Gatos Bandidos
    
66. SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron
    
67. DOOM
    
68. Mega Man 7
    
69. Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus
    
70. Castlevania: Dracula X
    
71. Foreman For Real
    
72. Head-On Soccer
    
73. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Fighting Edition
    
74. NHL '96
    
75. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – Crossroads of Time
    
76. WeaponLord
    
77. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
    
78. Mortal Kombat 3
    
79. Big Sky Trooper
    
80. MechWarrior 3050
    
81. NBA Live '96
    
82. Nosferatu
    
83. Porky Pig's Haunted Holiday
    
84. Secret of Evermore
    
85. Spawn: The Video Game
    
86. Tecmo Super Bowl III: Final Edition
    
87. The Mask
    
88. Madden NFL '96
    
89. AAAHH!! Real Monsters
    
90. Dirt Trax FX
    
91. Doom Troopers
    
92. Earthworm Jim 2
    
93. Emmitt Smith Football
    
94. FIFA Soccer '96
    
95. Frank Thomas Big Hurt Baseball
    
96. International Superstar Soccer Deluxe
    
97. Izzy's Quest for the Olympic Rings
    
98. Jimmy Houston's Bass Tournament U.S.A.
    
99. NBA Give 'N Go
    
100. NFL Quarterback Club 96
     
101. Scooby-Doo Mystery
     
102. Sid Meier's Civilization
     
103. Venom/Spider-Man: Separation Anxiety
     
104. Super Turrican 2
     
105. Urban Strike
     
106. Wild C.A.T.s
     
107. WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game
     
108. Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure
     
109. Breath of Fire II
     
110. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
     
111. Kawasaki Superbike Challenge
     
112. P.T.O. II: Pacific Theater of Operations
     
113. Revolution X
     
114. Syndicate
     
115. Disney's Toy Story
     
116. War 2410
     
117. Wayne Gretzky and the NHLPA All-Stars
     
118. Zoop
     
119. Final Fight 3
     
120. Mega Man X3
     
121. PGA Tour 96
     
122. Prehistorik Man
     
123. Sink or Swim
     
124. College Slam
     
125. Cutthroat Island
     
126. Frantic Flea
     
127. Mark Davis' The Fishing Master
     
128. The Brainies
     

1996-1998 (Jan. 1, 1996-Dec. 31, 1998):

1. Power Piggs of the Dark Age
   
2. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
   
3. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Winning Run
   
4. Olympic Summer Games: Atlanta 1996
   
5. Bass Masters Classic: Pro Edition
   
6. Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
   
7. Magic Boy
   
8. Mohawk & Headphone Jack
   
9. Tetris Attack
   
10. Kirby Super Star
    
11. Ms. Pac-Man
    
12. PGA European Tour
    
13. Power Rangers Zeo: Battle Racers
    
14. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3
    
15. Madden NFL '97
    
16. NHL '97
    
17. Oscar
    
18. Prince of Persia 2: The Shadow and the Flame
    
19. War 3010: The Revolution
    
20. Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits
    
21. Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble
    
22. Marvel Super Heroes in War of the Gems
    
23. Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
    
24. NBA Hang Time
    
25. Disney's Pinocchio
    
26. SimCity 2000
    
27. Street Fighter Alpha 2
    
28. Whizz
    
29. Casper
    
30. College Football USA '97
    
31. Incantation
    
32. Mr. Do!
    
33. NBA Live '97
    
34. Realm
    
35. FIFA Soccer '97
    
36. Lost Vikings 2
    
37. Harvest Moon
    
38. Brunswick World: Tournament of Champions
    
39. Midway Presents Arcade's Greatest Hits: The Atari Collection 1
    
40. Kirby's Dream Land 3
    
41. Arkanoid: Doh It Again
    
42. Madden NFL '98
    
43. Space Invaders
    
44. Timon & Pumbaa's Jungle Games
    
45. NHL '98
    
46. NBA Live '98
    
47. Frogger
    

Plus, there are 716 Super Nintendo Entertainment System video games in North America.