TLDR: Nannying is a very hard job. There would probably be a lot more nannies who work as hard as one needs to do this job well if the pay matched the value and difficulty of the work.
I’ve been pretty active in this sub lately because I’ve been feeling unhappy at my job and it helps to have a community. I wrote this a while ago and have been nervous to post it but I think it’s important. I saw a post in nannyemployers asking where all of the “good” nannies have gone and this was the response I was writing until I realised the replies were to be from NP only.. I would post in the nanny employers sub if I weren’t terrified of the response. I know I’m singing to the choir here and I know saying it out loud doesn’t change much. But I am so, so angry, so imma just send it.
As a nanny who has two college degrees, practices Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and RIE, and as someone who has always loved and wanted to work with kids, there simply is not enough money in this career path to stick to it. I personally simply cannot rationalise doing the amount of physical and emotional work that is required for me to do this job as well as I want to for the typical pay, even though I absolutely love it.
For my background, experience, and approach, I am in a severely underpaid position (even when disregarding my qualifications it would still be severely underpaid.) Because of my personal and financial situation at the time of my job search, I did not have the luxury to wait for a unicorn family to offer me the salary I was looking for. I found a family that was a good fit and accepted the position even though I felt it was very much underpaid. I am now in a position where I am continuously battling wanting to work as hard as I can for these kids and this family, and realising I can’t break my back for them while being this underpaid (I mean I literally threw my back out during this job). I’m not someone who breaks a commitment easily but I guess I could move from family to family, waiting to find one who is able to financially match the value of this work, or I could stick it out and get $2/hr raises every year, but I can’t wait 10 years to finally get close to being paid what I know a proper nanny is worth. Yes there certainly are some nanny employers who properly respect this work and are able to financially meet it’s value, but in my experience they are few and far between. I have found that the overwhelming majority of nannies are severely underpaid and overworked.
Nannies are asked to have flexible schedules, work long hours, take on a laundry list of responsibilities, develop personal emotional relationships with children that aren’t theirs while keeping a professional distance, pay for and organise their own continued training, be emotionally and socially engaged with children all day long, and more. But above all, the most important aspect of nannying is managing our stress is such a way that allows us to stay in an executive state of functioning all day every single day. People deeply underestimate and undervalue the amount of hard and constant work it takes to keep oneself in an executive state of functioning day in and day out, especially in a high stress position where you are helping other people regulate their bodies all day on top of yours, AND are constantly sick and tired and being pushed and tested. I think that this ability is what makes the difference in a “good” nanny and is often the most overlooked, misunderstood, and undervalued aspect of the job responsibilities.
I want to be a good nanny, it’s my dream job to be the best nanny there is, and I used to think that I could accept being in an undervalued role because “it takes a village” and I wanted to do my part and this was my passion. But it doesn’t feel good to be undervalued financially and socially, in fact it feels really really bad, and this is why I will no longer be pursuing a career as a nanny. Even if I found my unicorn position, it wouldn’t change the fact that the overwhelming majority of my nanny peers are still underpaid and undervalued, and that doesn’t feel good. It makes me want to leave, and I think all of the other underpaid nannies should leave too. (We need a union or something, is this a thing?)
The market is oversaturated and undervalued. Not everyone needs a nanny now that quarantine is over (a full-time nanny, not babysitter or after school care). I have both worked at a preschool and as a nanny and I have found that a setting with multiple children of similar age is far better developmentally for a child than spending most of their time with a single adult and a sibling or two, even for young babies. I think a healthy mix of a daycare setting and family time at home is probably best but can be the most difficult to achieve with the current work culture. This is no one’s fault, the overworking culture is a burden of late stage capitalism that we all face. However, it is the burden of the parents to solve their work/life balance. This is a very big part of what one signs up for when becoming a parent. It is not the burden of the nanny to work more for less or the children to miss being with their parents (I’d say two doctor NP are pretty much the only ones who’d get a pass here).
It’s no one person’s fault that nannies are financially undervalued, the value of personal childcare and domestic work has a long saturated history fraught with misogyny and racism. Have you compared the average wage of a plumber (male dominated domestic work) to that of a nanny (female dominated domestic work)? And don’t tell me plumbing requires more training or is harder than nannying, I assure you they are of comparable difficulty especially considering there’s no step by step instructions on YouTube for nannying. (And if you do consider plumbing to be that much hard than nannying, what do you think gives you that perception? I mean as a parent, one should know that nannying absolutely is not just playing with kids all day, even if that’s all you ask your nanny to do. What subconscious bias could be giving you the perception that bringing up children is less difficult and of less value than screwing pipes together? Have you seen The Help? Don’t answer, just think.)
Plumbers make average $28/hr in the states, mechanics $26, for nannies it’s $20 (and that’s being generous). That’s a ¢70 on the dollar comparison. It is time we all realise that nannying is an underpaid and undervalued role and work to change that. If the wage being offered across the board better matched the value of the work, I think one would find a lot more serious nannies and a lot more current nannies taking the job more seriously.
I didn’t get it at first, why so many nannies at the park seemed so burnt out and disinterested in the kids. Oh boy do I get it now. I want nothing more than to do my best in this role, but in the past few months after nearly being stiffed by NP, not receiving a bonus from them when I really thought I would, and overall realising I am being taken advantage of and am a human mine to them, I have realised that I can no longer put my all into this job for my own health and sanity. Being properly compensated is the primary motivating aspect of all work especially in the society we are a part of. After loosing my sense of respect from NP, I’ve lost most of the non-financial motivation I started out with and am left with what little motivation my petite pay check gives me, and the kids can tell.
Since my fallout with NP, I have pulled back emotionally from the kids. I’m not mean and I am still doing every responsibility in my contract to the letter (and then some still), but I am no longer as emotionally available to them as I was. I am shorter and more curt with them, I don’t take as much time with them to sit and talk about every feeling they have, and I’m not working as hard to help them break the bad habits NP give them that NP specifically ask me to break (one example - NP want NK to walk everywhere with me but then always use the stroller with NP and every time we go out it’s a fight to use the stroller or not. Guess who’s been using the stroller far more often lately). Anyway, the past week my NK 3f has been quietly crying before her nap and I’m sure it’s because she’s felt me pull away from her. It’s breaking my heart and I’ve been trying to give her extra cuddles, but I have to protect myself first now. This is a job and these aren’t my kids and I can no longer rationalise putting them first emotionally especially considering I am burnt TF out, torn down, and left feeling used up and tossed aside without any recognition or proper thanks for NP.
I don’t know what the perfect number is, the number I would say many NP would probably think is too high, and maybe they’re not looking for a nanny who works as hard as I and others do. But I can tell you that $17/hr before taxes in a VHCOL area does not even come CLOSE. I think we can all easily recognise that the financial value of this job needs to better match the value of the work, in general and across the board. We’re talking about the people caring for and raising the future generations here, I mean how is this not the most coveted role in our society?
This is my Roman Empire and I will die on this hill every. single. time.

Hello,
My ex partners mother gifted him 80k to go towards a property for me and him.
Long story short, he spent 20k of the money and with the remaining 60k this went towards the purchase of the house.
My ex partner can't have a bank account due to bad credit and everything went into my account and the house is in my name.
We split up from each other around 6 months ago and today I have received a letter from the solicitors.
It states that my ex partners mother transferred 80k to me, to enable me to purchase the property and also gifted additional funds for renovations ( which is a lie)
It also states that it is my intention to sell the property (another lie because I don't want to sell yet)
It goes on to say that she would like a security charge to be put onto the property in her favour of 60k as a goodwill gesture as she believes the property is worth 90k and that the solicitors believe she is entitled to a reimbursement and that if I do not accept this generous offer the solicitors will advise their client accordingly.
I'm not going to sign the letter and I'm worried that I can be forced to sell the house, does anyone know how likely it would be that I would need to sell?
Thank you!!

Given the recent discussion of Shut Up And Ruck’s strength programming, I thought it might be appropriate to address a few lingering comments.
First, we’re not immune to criticism. It is perfectly reasonable to criticize whenever and whoever you want, even me. Clearly, the anonymity of the internet provides ample license to do so. I’m not infallible and I make at least one mistake every fiscal year. I get downvoted all the time and I recognize that many things that I say are taken as gospel based on my years of providing accurate information. I don’t take this leniency lightly. I’ve earned this gift and I don’t look gift horses in the mouth. I certainly don’t shy away from criticizing others, but I always seek to do so from a position of best intentions of the outcome. But if you think that it’s appropriate to draw conclusions like “He definitely doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, “It violates basic principles”, or my favorite “It looks like he stole this from X, Y, or Z” and you’re basing that on one tiny screenshot of one sample day of one singular domain absent of context of the entirety of the programming then you must be special. I wish I had that sort of clairvoyance.
Second, our programming is not a mistake. Is it aggressive? Absolutely. Is it wrong? Absolutely not. It is deliberate and intentional. A few points to consider:
-The higher percentages and rep ranges occur at the end of each cycle. You don’t start off at the high end, you finish there. The passage cited is 9 weeks post 1RM testing. At a minimum the higher % come 5 weeks after testing. You get stronger and the programming reflects that.
-Just because you’ve never done anything like this doesn’t mean much. We follow the evidence, and the literature clearly indicates that our recommendations are appropriate. Aggressive, but appropriate. Here are 6 sources, including some meta-analyses that bring the body of knowledge to several hundred; there are many more.
Source 1
Source 2
Source 3
Source 4
Source 5
Source 6
Your experience not withstanding, our programming is entirely valid. This is especially true given the other variables. 1) we prioritize intensity and we manifest that through heavy weights 2) you only lift each exercise 2 times in every 5 day cycle - plenty of time for macro recovery 3) you are resting up to 4 minutes between sets - plenty of time for micro recovery 4) you are only doing 3 lifts in a day and only one for that domain - you aren’t doing 3 sets of barbell bench, then 3 sets of incline, then 3 sets of decline, then some cable cross-overs, then some dumbbell flys, then finishing with some drop sets on the Smith machine. 1 exercise, at maximal intensity. No need to pace yourself. 5) we are seeking to balance strength and endurance. It’s impossible to fully address both simultaneously. There will inevitably be friction. 6) we are seeking to challenge you, not accommodate you. 7) we emphasize self-reflection, data analysis, and agency. If you are struggling to meet the listed criteria then we encourage you to program accordingly. It’s foundational to our approach.
But allow me to let you in on a little secret. Even though we cite no small amount of literature, you can find lots of literature that argues against our programming. In fact, there is so much ‘literature’ out there that you can find supporting information for damn near everything and anything. So, back to my first point, you are welcome to criticize. But you should at least provide some counter-evidence beyond “in my experience”. In the Taxonomy of Information, anecdotal testimony is the least rigorous. We have presented our arguments, you are invited to present yours. Or be a little more graceful in your criticism.
We are well aware of Prilepin’s optimal reps (for powerlifting), and the NASM 5 Phase Optimum Performance Training Model (which we follow) and the NSCA Performance Pyramid (which we follow). We don’t disagree that they are to be well considered. We did a full and complete survey of the information environment. But we stated in our introduction and made available for free our philosophy…we have no interest in preserving the credentialed protectorate of the fitness industry. SFAS is different, so shall the programming be.
Third, we didn’t “steal” another program and stack it on top of our own stuff. That’s not how this works. If you survey all of the programs and methodology out there, you will find a ton of overlap. If you follow established principles and seek consensus, then you end up looking a lot like the other stuff. Did we look at other programs? Yes, dozens of them. Did we steal them? No. The fact that we favor a more intense program that most programs don’t should make this argument moot. This is a serious accusation and should be reserved for the most egregious circumstances. You might not have experience with this type of programming, you might not be familiar with recent literature, and you are only seeing a very minuscule event absent of any of the other programming and ancillary elements.
Fourth, and finally, I want to address the unhinged discussion of cost. We’re particularly sensitive to this topic because we know that our target population skews younger and likely less affluent, so cost matters. And I don’t like calling guys out necessarily, but u/Certain-Exam-2577 and u/Potential_Presence67 ? You two can go fuck yourselves. You anonymous peices of shit decided from your castles on top of Mount Holy that we are looking for a “money grab”? I could have charged hundreds, I could put all of my content behind a paywall, and I could simply pump and dump and walk away to stack cash. But that’s not the case.
What do you two fucking genius economists think would be appropriate for 8 months of daily programming for strength, conditioning, rucking, mental prep, mobility, skills, recovery and much more? We charge 60 dollars. Let’s take a very small survey the prep environment and see where we stack up:
Evoke - 3 months, requires additional programming prerequisites, $65
Performance First - 3 months, $90
18A Fitness - 4 months, $179
Gritty Soldier - 3 months, $30
Mountain Tactical - 12 months, $329
Blue/Green Training - 11 weeks, $129
We’re looking pretty competitive given these numbers. And these are the better programs. We mostly like them (and others) and we have tremendous respect for their creators and coaches. We don’t think they are as good as ours, especially our ruck programming, but they’re in the ballpark. Many guys in this sub have used them and speak highly of them. There are also near endless shit programs out there. AI generated, generic, point-of-sale trash with slick marketing and zero support.
We are a complete program that covers every single domain, and we have well established our expertise for SFAS. But we don’t rely on reputation, we deliver. We research, analyze, synthesize, and present the most comprehensive program out there. For just 60 bucks. Hell, you’ll spend over half that on a blank journal…we’ve recommended this excellent journal many times. But that’s just a cool journal. Zero programming. So we think we’re not “grabbing” too much.
Our resident pricks go on to say that RUSU wasn’t worth $50. Good thing we only charge $40. And perhaps you’d prefer the 15+ year old, lack-luster competition? They’re in the same price range. They even take a cheap shot at our Muster events as just a ‘wAlK iN tHe wOoDs tHaT yOu cOuLd do for FrEe’ or ‘info you could probably find online’. Our “competition” is $750 and one of the programs isn’t even taught by a military guy, much less a Green Beret. You two retarded laureates haven’t even attended an event, so your opinion is irrelevant.
And I should put a pin in all of this money grab, predatory, grifter talk by reminding them that this is all voluntary. You don’t have to spend a single dime if you don’t want to. Lots of guys don’t do anything extra and they get Selected all the time. But if a guy wants to be compensated for his hard work and another guy wants to allocate the cost of a night out drinking, then maybe your keen criticism could be stymied a bit. I offer plenty of free advice and commentary every day. I note that neither of you provide anything of value.
So, that’s my assessment of the situation. You don’t have to be a part of the conversation, but I thought that I should let you know how I see it. I endlessly tell you about the importance of foot care, so it’s only fair that I weigh in on this important topic. I should note that there was also some very reasoned comments and lots of guys understanding the intent of the programming AND of the program. And the OP reached out via DM and we had a very reasonable and productive discussion. He gets it. And the number of guys commenting is <1% of the number of guys reading the actual full program. I like that guys are passionate about this stuff. If you get 10 Green Berets in a room you’ll get 11 different opinions on damn near every topic. You know what they say about opinions…

The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
​

Nearly a year ago I really messed up with a friend. It was completely unintentional, but nonetheless I take full responsibility for my actions. I know they felt hurt in many ways. We have barely spoken since around September, when she said she needed some space in our friendship, but didn’t want to not be friends anymore. At this point I don’t really know if we are ever going to be friends again, and it is something that I think about daily, because I have nobody to blame but myself. I think another reason I am struggling to forgive myself is because in some (not all) ways I don’t think I actually did anything wrong; this meaning there are some things I thought I did, but she didn’t think I did.
The specifics of the situation aren’t important. My intention doesn’t matter because ultimately it hurt one of my friends, and that is what matters. I just want to move on and be okay with it, but I can’t seem to forgive myself, which is where I was hoping to get some advice. We are in college and have overlapping friends/activities (ie total avoidance is not possible), but even so haven’t seen each other since December because of studying abroad

Im sorry about what happened. I didn’t disappear on you intentionally.
If you remember 2010, I left because i had no idea you might have feelings for me or that i did and because i thought you didn’t care about me as a friend. Seemed like you had so many good friends and i was afraid that you would hurt me like N did. Im weird about friendships because I barely had any growing up and seemed to constantly lose friends. I didn’t leave to hurt you I just thought you wouldn’t notice.
Then more recently, i was in love with you. I didn’t want to hurt you. Not ever. I started to think you were using me along with him encouraging that idea then the proxy changed and became nasty and i didnt even know you were still out there loving me. I didn’t know it hurt you and realizing last night from your letter hit me like a truck cause i never wanted to be the person that appears to prove your trauma fears right especially not for you. I know what thats like and i know how horrible it feels (though with a different trauma of course) and it pains me so much that thats how it was for you.
Im so sorry but as i was saying I didn’t do it on purpose. I just didn’t even know. The thing about our relationship is it was through letters and i stopped looking at letters and i guess I stopped writing them too. So you couldn’t know and i dont remember seeing anything from you. I vaguely remember you were upset that i was talking to him but i don’t know if you knew he ghosted me after seeing my picture. I dunno. I was so lost and confused at the time. Writing letters became too difficult, thats why i stopped.
I guess i am a terrible person. I shouldn’t have talked to him though i remember someone kept trying to talk to me during the beginning. It was probably him.
And based on the fact that i got psychosis just from talking to a dude casually a while before that (when we werent talking cause you told me to leave you alone, which id still like to know what happened there, that whole thing really hurt me but that’s not the point of this), i was far too traumatized by men then to have any clue about him (A). Unfortunately. (Btw, i wish we had a more private place to hash out private things)
Im not trying to make excuses and please don’t say i am (cause my mom has forever and ever) but this whole thing was more complicated than perhaps you thought.
Im conflicted because i feel like this is the path i had to go down, to find myself and figure out my traumas but i never meant to hurt you along the way. I never wanted you to feel abandoned and left without a word. I can’t imagine how that must have felt. This will eat away at me probably for the rest of my life.
Im sorry, this is a shitty explanation and apology but apparently all i could come up with at the moment. My brain is all over the place.
So, thats why i thought you wouldnt want to give it a try anymore. Seemed too terrible to ever trust me again.
I do love you (but without any contact how can i show you? I wanna show you) and i see a future everywhere around me of us. Comes up unbidden. Sometimes i think i hear you, im not sure. And i worry im so bad at just everything that youll think im just some user. I don’t know how many users go through extreme embarrassment though lol. They’d be smoother too. Im so awkward.
I froze when i realized just what id done (inadvertently). From the letter. I shut down completely. My guilt is never ending, what’s some more. But for reasons i can’t explain right now (one day though) this guilt is extra excruciating. Cause it’s you. The one i adore most.
You always thought (it seemed) that id done something to hurt you with all this intangible guilt i carried around but it was just how i annihilated the whole world.
I wish i could hold you. You can yell at me if you want. If it helps. I wish i could just be near you.
It’s been like 5 years. I can’t believe it. We’re due to see each other again.
Anyway, i love you and i hope you have sweet dreams when you sleep baby (he calls you babygirl ive noticed). I’ll stop calling you that.

Ive been fostering for a few years and have had many dogs that I've had a great joy fostering. However my current foster is special to me and I'm considering adopting him but I'm in a bit of a difficult situation.
I'm currently a college student and go to a school 2 hours away from home. I rent a room in a big house off-campus and our landlord doesn't allow pets. However, I'm considering asking my landlord if they'd be okay with me getting a letter saying that this dog is an emotional support animal so he can live with me. I don't want to force my landlord as I don't want to risk souring the relationship or getting kicked out, so I want to ask first. My current foster dog is a 60 lb, 5 year old Labrador mix. He is really sweet, mellow, and has never peed indoors or even barked. He's fine just hanging out or exploring, so he's very adaptive to whatever is going on.
I'm sure I will be able to handle taking care of a dog while in school and having a dog around makes me happy and helps motivate me to get out of bed. Plus, I'm shy so having a pet as a companion will help me feel more relaxed.
TL, DR: I'm looking for advice on asking my landlord to allow me to adopt my foster dog and to keep him as an ESA

TL;DR: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, but we're on a break because he wants kids and I don't. I reconnected with my ex, and we're now best friends again. I'm developing feelings for ex, and I'm planning to move to Japan with him next year. Should I break up with my bf because of our differing future plans and my feelings for ex?
I, 18F, am dating (fake name) Ryan, 19M, for over a year (started dating in November 2022). Since the beginning of our relationship we hit it off and we were comparable and had chemistry. I was a junior and he was a senior when we first met just to add (I was 16 and he was 17 when we got together). I have been faithful as anyone should be in a monogamous relationship. Although when I got with him I had just gone through a breakup with my ex in September (2 months before this new relationship). This ex was also my best friend that I met online via Discord. I'm aware discord is infamous for its online relationship but what we had was a true relationship. Anyways, the issue now that I'm dealing with, is that I stated that I didn't want any children in the very beginning of the relationship which he was fine with and said he could do with that since we both date to marry and had intentions of a future together. One day in April I was cuddling him, laying on his chest, and randomly he goes, "I want to have kids." looked up at him and looked back down hoping he wasn't serious but it definitely was. This to me is a dealbreaker since I absolutely don't want kids, but he would talk about having kids here and ther and how having a house with kids running around sounded so pleasant. But I love him so much and don’t want to leave him. We talked in early May talking about our future plans and I brought up the issue of me not wanting kids and he does, now we're on a break. Now the second issue at hand is that I actually got in contact with my ex Aaron 19M after a year of us breaking up sending him a random message since I wanted to be friends with him again. Mind you our breakup was pretty bad, with him saying that he had a year left to live (he has a blood disease) which terrified me and I genuinely thought he died, hence why I messaged him to see if he was and if he was alive I wanted to rekindle the friendship as l've become a different person. We both eventually talk more and more everyday and now we're best friends again (talking on instagram now instead of discord now). Th thing is that l've been developing feelings for him age and I feel guilty that I am because I have a boyfriend.
Also I feel like this is an important detail for the story, l'm actually moving to Japan with my best friend Aaron next year (2024 after I graduate from college) and live with him for at least a year. My boyfriend Ryan also knows that I will be doing this with my best friend and supports me but says that our plans our different (hence why we're on a break). So, should I break up with my boyfriend because he wants kids while I don't, that we have different plans for our future in the next few years, and that l'm developing feelings for my online best friend? Please let me know what I should do because I truly love both Ryan and Aaron.
(I tried asking this question in relationship advice but wasn’t allowed since I was asking a yes/no question but I just need to know what I should do in this scenario.)
I will be deleting this after I get a decent amount of responses

I gave my boards and JEE this year and got 80% in boards and 59%ile in JEE (yeah ik very low) and have almost given up hope of getting into in a decent or avg colleges but i applied to BML Munjal just cause why not, i wasn't even serious about it but they accepted my application and offered me CS and now are asking for an Acceptance Letter along with fee till 6 June. So i want to have opinions on if I should accept it or not as I am also giving NATA soon (I have been doing art for 3-4 years and am pretty decent at it) and have filled applications for B.Arch Colleges also but that will all be done till the start of July. So should I send an Acceptance Letter ?

I just completed my Final Year B.E. CS course last week with CGPA 8.7. I got selected for a company in my hometown through college placements after clearing 4 rounds in last year September. During my College days I was really into Computers. I wanted to get into Security but I know its not entry level so I focused more on Backend things. I was really good at integrating things atleast to me.
Started playing RE CTF and got into a UK team and everything was going well. I am very invested in FOSS and did some public speaking , conducted workshops in my College. I was very active during the time India conducted the Debain Conference at Palakkad. But during placement season only Companies hiring for SDE came. So I learned basic coding and a bit of DSA and got placed very soon.
The HR said they will only onboard after completion of all exams. The final round was with the project developers and we had quite nice conversation and I really liked the environment of the Company. Since its near my hometown and I liked it , I never tried for any other off campus hiring. During that time we were building a home so after I got placed I was here home full time helping my dad.
I go to college only for internals and semester exams. My usage of computers drastically reduced to none because of the work I had at home.We took some loan to complete the construction and my dad asked me to cover the repayment which I agreed. The amount is just half my Salary if I got in, So I thought it wont be a big deal. The HR called me in April asking my availability and CGPA and said I will be onboarded before May.
I waited three weeks after May and enquired the HR to which he said the market condition is so bad so there will be a delay. The construction is almost done. Dad has also borrowed some money from lenders with a little bit higher interest rate. He planned to sell his agriculture plot in his hometown for the reapayment of lender but its getting dealyed too because of the recent floods. Dad's trying hard to come out of debt but nothing is panning out and the interest is piling.
Today morning dad asked me about joining I said "Soon". Dad's counting on me for the repayment of bank loan atleast from next month. I thought of getting a temporary job like delivery or something to ease monetory situation at home but one of my senior advised me to get a job related to my education.
I used to love working with terminals, and I did lot of hosting , backend and integrating stuff like hosting my own PBX with Asterisk back then.I believe tools, language come and go. Its the analytical and problem solving thinking that matters. I think it's something I am good at as an Engineer. So I don't wanna do the fancy resume and applying to dozens of jobs on LinkedIn. I will be worth for any organization if you train me for a role. So if you guys have/know any vacancy for a role that I might fit, do please consider. I am comfortable working anywhere in India.
PS : I have the Offer letter as a soft copy and could share for verification.
TLDR: The Company I got offer delays my onboarding. So I need another job as soon as possible to help repayment of bank loan.
​

Greeting fellow soldiers of democracy! We are a cracking elite unit of Helldivers. We're so elite you've probably never heard of us, for we are BLACK WATCH. Grrrr. (not sure why I added that bit)
We are recruiting players who need teammates. Fellow brothers and sisters to fight with and spread glorious democracy and freedom throughout the galaxy, one bullet and one explosion, at a time.
We are very female friendly and have a number of very good female gamers. If you're looking for a group to join then we're perfect for you. For us, you're just another Helldiver to throw into the fiery pits of battle.
We have a great Discord set up with active players on PC and PlayStation. I would say the majority of players are on in the evening/night UK time, as we have a lot of US west and east coast members, but also plenty of UK and European Helldivers.
We are happy to take players of any level. We particularly enjoy training up new recruits and helping more established players farm samples.
We do have a few basic rules... 1. No team killing. Accidents do happen and are often all part of then fun, but intentional team killing/melee is not for us. 2. We are all very chill. We appreciate making friends and having fun games rather than taking it too seriously (please don't tell the Democracy Officer!) 3. I'm sorry, but you really do need a mic! We like to chat and have fun. While I do have a couple of people I play with who don't have a mic, they aren't part of Black Watch. We need to communicate! Everyone is friendly and we like to keep the group that way. On the opposite side, constant nonstop talking is very annoying, as we found out recently! 4. Have fun! There's no point in killing thousands of bots or bugs if you don't enjoy it. That just makes you a nutter! We laugh in the face in the face of Bile Titans and cry in the face of Striders!
Personally, I'm a 46 year old veteran and dad of 2 (almost 3 kids). I'm UK based, PlayStation, and mainly get on for the morning or early evening shift! It would be great to find a few other morning players! But, as most people work normal jobs that's proving difficult!
So what are you waiting for? Join up today! Helldivers are Super Earth's chosen and Black Watch is the best if the best, the top dogs, the bees knees, the dogs bol.. er, stuff.
DM me if you're interested and we'll be side by side, covered in bug guts before you know it!
SUPER EARTH FOREVER 🌎 🫡

One of the recurring characteristics of Loona's discography up to [X X] was lyrical self-referencing: phrases and motifs that would occur in one song and then reappear down the line. It could be a little too much sometimes, but it was a reliable way to keep up the fan engagement and build something like a lyrical identity for Loona alongside a sonic one.
I wrote a post about this five years ago, and I think Dall is the first album since then to really obviously lean into it. So that warrants a follow-up. This is not a theory post - it only examines the text of the lyrics and what connections I draw there.
Translations below are from our Team Subbit versions. Along the way, I also wanted to highlight a few translation notes for discussion.

Virtual Angel

The last time we saw reference to an angel was "Egoist"'s MV, which cast Jinsoul as a "fallen angel" in big neon letters. It's interesting to me that this song, with its broken wings and vision of Eden, leans most heavily on the yyxy era, with none of those members belonging to ARTMS. Looking past that, lyrically I think it does enough to give a sense of closure to the yyxy stories.
1.

In my frozen heart Flowers have newly bloomed And what I’d hidden inside the freezing point Is my heart for you, encased in ice Your angel

This is a reprise of yyxy's "Frozen", which is entirely about the narrator being trapped in a metaphorical ice castle and being thawed out of it by love. We see the same imagery of flowers blooming to signify the thaw. Here's the chorus of that song:

Frozen, frozen Thaw me before it's too late Shine your light And bloom a flower upon frozen lands Hold me, hold me, oh now, right now Thaw me, thaw me, even warmer for me Hold me, hold me, deeper and deeper Would you become my sun

2.

The sin of having swallowed the sun Forgiven in this moment

The most overt reference in the album is, of course, from "Singing in the Rain"'s iconic prechorus 1:

For the sin of having swallowed the daytime sun Burning up, here I am

And you may remember Jinsoul already called this back in "Egoist"'s rap break:

Hey, for the sin of having swallowed you You, beautiful, grow larger You are me, now I am you

Also a translation note: I think the Modhaus sub on this line is mistaken. It currently reads "The sin of absorbing the sun // The moment it causes harm", which is just not what the original says. My best guess is that someone misread "사해진" ["forgiven", archaic] as "상해진" ["spoiled"].
3.

The Moon’s risen and my heart is complete Your angel

Moonrise is such a common image with Loona that you could name a whole bunch of songs here - "Loonatic", "Satellite", "PTT", "Wow", "Need U", and "Pale Blue Dot" just to name a few. But the way this is written specifically reminded me of two things. One is the chorus of "Let Me In", in the sense that both lines begin with the words "달이 뜨고" ("Moon rises and") followed by some kind of transformation:

The moon rises and I become you

The other is the final chorus of "Heat", where moonrise also functions as a signal:

Today I prepared for you A beautiful star is shining bright (I want to float up higher, above) This isn't the end, look up and look for me (Turn around) There, the moon is risen tonight (tonight, oh)

4.

When I open my eyes as a butterfly Save me, savior

References to Loona's most representative song, "Butterfly", have been the most common shared thread among post-lawsuit work: see Loossemble's "A Butterfly's Signal" or Heejin's "Sad Girls Club". This one is kind of random and I think it actually takes away from the song's focus a little, but it's there.
Another translation note that the "저장" ("save") in "save me" is not the word for "rescue", but instead the one for "preserve" or "keep" - like saving a digital file. So the line is not as redundant as it looks, and also helps prime for the next line where Haseul says happiness is "through the line" (which I'm reading as in electronic cords and cables).

Sparkle

1.

Before the Sun goes down Come fetch quickly For the Moon will rise soon

It's moonrise again, but with a subtle difference. The verb used in "Virtual Angel", "Let Me In", and "Heat" is "뜨다", literally just "to rise". This one is "차오르다", which is actually more commonly used to mean the waxing of the Moon. The translation chosen here is "rise" because it's not unheard of for it to be used as "rise" and it contrasts with the sundown line above, but worth highlighting.
Trivia: has any Loona song used the "wax" verb before? Yes! One I recall is "365", where Loona liken themselves to the Moon:

I'd grow ever so small but then A tad closer towards you Again I wax and wane

2.

A different emotion We follow the light

I don't actually think this is a throwback because it's a common phrase, but I just wanted to highlight just how many times "follow the light" is used in the discography because it's a lot. All of these use the exact same phrasing ("빛을 따라") even when translated slightly differently for context.
Sonatine, bridge:

Following the faraway light

Chaotic, bridge:

Following that light, reach out to me

Rosy, bridge:

Following that light, shining on me quietly

Day & Night, prechorus:

Like a habit, I walk towards your light

Flip That, prechorus:

Following the new light that pulls me still

Day by Day, verse 1:

Following the light engraved in old memories

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

This is one of the most celestially-themed tracks any of them have ever done, which is saying something given the entire discography. As a result it has passing shades of a lot of different tracks that I won't bother to name, like the blooming image of "Chaotic" and the orbiting of "Satellite". The 12 constellations and 12 months bits are super on the nose and I'm all for it.
1.

Following the twinkling Morse code I am called dimly Click click, right here [...] The signal comes through clearly Click click, here

The most obvious parallel is another yyxy song, "Rendezvous 18.6y". Both tracks use radio signals and scanning/tuning them as a metaphor for yearning and connection, and Hitchhiker massively expands the scale of that metaphor. Here's the opening verse of Rendezvous:

Where is it from? A sound coming from somewhere Seems to have found me again, this familiar radio tone (8 point 5, what is your signal?) Among the many faint noises, coming clear Is your feelings, making me fly (fly fly fly)

While we're at it, even this jazz-standard line is kind of a throwback.
Hitchhiker:

Fly me to the moon

R18.6y:

Let's stay on the moon On the way back there [...] Let me fly to the moon

2.

Tonight perhaps two Moons may rise

The obvious comparison is Loonatic, which goes:

Three moons rise up (I'm not insane)

and also has Milky Way references just like this song. The other line that's kind of written like this is "PTT"'s "Keep open the 12 different doors", though I think I'm content to let those lyrics lie.

Flower Rhythm

1.

Adorning the sky, mystical sway Causes your heart to open too

So this reminded me of OEC's "Starlight", but only because I thought that song also combined the word "수놓다" ("to embroider", but more often used metaphorically for stars or other shiny things in the sky) with a sense of something opening. What "Starlight" actually says is this:

Like lighting in the sky The starlight slowly turns on The password solved, this night unlocks

So it was kind of similar (the "unlock" there is the same word as "open"), just without the word "adorn".
More trivia: that embroideadorn word is used in four songs -
D-1, verse 1:

Rainbow of shining stars, the studded bridge

U R, chorus:

It’s like the dotted starlight Is surrounding me

Newtopia, verse 1:

Following the tip of the star-adorned orbit

Day by Day, verse 2:

Adorning my heart full

Candy Crush

Given the subject matter, there are some natural similarities to Choerry's "Puzzle" and the aforementioned "Starlight". I love the spilling/showering light imagery at the start, which "Need U" also pulled off well:

The deepest night Light showering above my head (Candy Crush)
And stars of such faith rain down They rain to make the whole universe shine (Need U)

But I didn't notice any specific wording that hearkens back to older songs. (Obviously "Plastic Candy" can't count since it's the whole song's reference.)

Air

1.

Been been there and I’ve been been there Feel it, what what, a totally different deja vu

As we know, this is just "Butterfly". The first line is obvious and the second line is the opener of that song:

Will you whisper, you're the deja vu that wakes me up

I'm not sure there's anything else in this one, other than "Air Force One" which again shouldn't count. Daft Punk I guess?

Unf/air

This one stands out lyrically from the rest of the album, because of how down-to-earth and comparatively mundane it is. Reminds me of "Valentine Girl" and "Ding Ding Dong" in vibes, if not in expression.

Distress

It's a little curious to me that they translated this title to "Distress". It's not totally wrong, but the word "조난" specifically refers to a shipwreck or stranding. That's the reason why the song refers to signs, lights and sirens, and the context for its overall sense of being lost and drifting. I guess a distress call is maybe what they were going for.
1.

Between the time I’ve waited Always that same light

The concept of being or going "between time" is not uncommon in lyricism, probably because it's evocative yet ambiguous. I also don't think this one is an intentional callback, just a reused phrase. We see it in a few spots in the discography (interestingly, they're all songs mentioned already).
Puzzle, prechorus 1:

Between the cracks of time that passed by, you graze through

Loonatic, last chorus:

Three moons rise up (I'm not insane) Between time that has stopped

D-1, verse 1:

Between a changed passage of time

Rendezvous 18.6y, verse 2:

Beyond the gaps between renewed time and space

Butterfly Effect

As they have said, this is basically a Butterfly sequel. Perfect title as well.
1.

Do you remember The way it began as a little fluttering of wings I’m still believing Ever since that day, it grew, the hurricane in my heart (Butterfly Effect)
It starts with a little fluttering of wings Now inside my heart a hurricane (Butterfly)

2.

The torn paper moon It’s drifted too far away now, can’t reach it (Butterfly Effect)
A folded paper moon, as if to circle between it (Butterfly)

3.

Full of newness, at the end of the long journey I think I’ve reached it, dream of mine Look at the world, distant, at the end of the long journey I think it’s a new beginning, dreams of mine (Butterfly Effect)
The world becomes smaller Take me way too far, become new In this moment dreams, dreams may come true (Butterfly)

Birth

I've posted a comment before about how the Modhaus translation departs from the original. Other than that, this is a wholly original text that doesn't really have a comparison among Loona's past lyrics. Maybe it could be a new archetype for ARTMS.
I will make one shoutout to the "My birth through a false smile" line. It's like a yandere version of the "My day filled with fake smiles" bit from "See Saw".

I'll be leaving uni for home in a few days time, but I just got off the phone after talking with my parents and siblings and had felt triggered about the past 2 years and how I almost commited suicide because of all the stress and pressure of putting up with what had transpired. For context, I'm 24 (F) in my last year of uni, and I have two brothers 30(M) and (5M) who live with my parents (Both in their late 50's), who live in the country side. I had been diagnosed with heart disease when I was in highschool and since then things have been tough for me, with losing all my weight and having to go through three different schools just to complete high school because of my health, but since then I have got the hang of taking care of myself and my symptoms, I have gained weight, made it to uni (which was a suprise not only to myself but my teachers as well) and am almost done with uni, and I could not be prouder. However, this past week has been a roller coaster, with thoughts of committing suicide lurking in every corner, I didn't know why at first but after talking to my parents on the phone bits of memories came flooding back to me about how I thought I reached my point of living and that my heart was gonna give out any moment or that it would be better if I'd just off myself with that sharp knife in the corner by slitting my wrists open. You see, my mum had this really bad lung infection the Christmas of 2022 while I was home for the holidays, and I took on most of the responsibility of taking care of her from 5am in the morning to the next morning where I'd sleep at 3am after ensuring she was okay, then wake up to do it all again. Don't get me wrong, I loved taking care of my mum, it made me happy that I could be there when she was at her weakest to lend her the strength and care she deserved after taking care of me all these years. It all happened one afternoon when my brother has come home afted being gone all day and did not even receive an earful from my parents (or mainly my dad) like I did for being out for just 2 hours to unwind from taking care of my mum and nursing her back to health all while not having any contact with friends or the outside world then our yard for almost 2 months, I was called selfish by my dad and told that my actions were stupid that if my mum would die I'd look stupid crying for her just like my mum's sister who chose to go out and meet friends the day her father died, that I was supposed to be at home with mum taking care of her. My dad is a stay at home dad, my older brother dropped out of college and my mum is the sole bread winner of the family. While my mum was sick, my dad would get groceries, attend to church meetings, ensure the yard was kept clean lend a hand when it was needed with caring for mum while my brother ate, slept on time, had time to meet friends, throw his plates in the sink without washing them and not lending a hand with helping mum. Meanwhile I spent my days bathing her, dressing her, feeding her, massaging her body, changing her hot water in her mugs to ensure she stayed hydrated because that's all she could drink without coughing , cleaning her sleeping area and sanitizing it everytime she had to go to bed after a warm bath as well as watching over her as she slept to ensure her pillows were placed in a way that didn't obstruct her airflow all while also ensuring that everyone's laundry was done and put away, food was cooked and served, plates were washed and put away, my little brother was cared for also while doing part of my dad's work around the house to ensure he got enoughg sleep at night, since we lived by the country side there were a lot of chores to do around the house as most of the things were done manually or by hand. I did this until she got back on her feet and was able to do little things around the house without my help. After a week or two when my mum had improved told my parents that I'll be gone the next day after lunch to see my friend and that normally before mum got sick Friday was a free day for me that I get an off day of doing house work. So the day came, I dressed up (I felt pretty after not being able to do that in a whole) and left after ensuring that my big brother was home to assist mum whenever she needed and also checked on my mum to see if she was okay and that she didn't need my help before I stepped out of the house at 2pm. The walk to my friend's house felt like heaven, with sun in my face, the breeze on my face and the skip in my step. I spent the afternoon talking, laughing and having a good time with my friend before going home at 5pm, happy and satisfied that the day had brought me so much joy and relieved my stress. I got and came in with a big Hello, to everyone in the house, my dad didn't say anything, he just sat there looking so mad. And that's when he proceeded to call me selfish and compare me to my mother's sister all while my mother and brother sat there saying nothing, I atleast thought they would've spoken up to say that I needed the break, but they didn't. I cried as ai stood there listening to my dad utter out harsh words until I couldn't listen to him anymore. I proceeded muster up a less shaky voice and said the following "I apologies for going out to see my friend and I apologies mum and dad it won't happen again, but the thing is I needed this, after taking care of mum and the house I just needed a break. My brother gets to go out, meet friend and talk to them and even stay out till late but he never gets scolded but when I do it's different. I do everything in this house, I take care of mum, wash all of your clothes, cook the food, feed you all and even wash up after everything and you big brother can't even wash your own plate or lend a hand. Oh and dad I spend the time I get after mum finally rests during the day to do some of your chores to cut down the amount of time you spend doing them in order for you to get a good night's rest and I go to sleep early in the morning just to wake up after 2 hours and do it all again. So I'm sorry that I had to go out, but I really needed it." After saying all that, I went up to my room and cried the whole night. The next morning I came downstairs at 10am to find my dad washing up and my mum on her phone, it was a quiet day, I thought my brother was in his room, then the we got heard that he had actually left in the morning to go visit my aunt who is a 30 minute drive from our house, where he spent the day hanging out with friends and cousins before coming back home at 6pm with my grandma who came to spend a week with us. My dad upon hearing the news that my brother was had left in the morning just shook his head and said that my brother should have stayed and lend a hand around the house, but after my brother got back I was hoping he'd get the same scolding my dad gave me, well that never happened. I went to my mum and asked her why wasn't daddy scolding my big brother and she did not say anything so I spoke up and said aloud, "wow, so I get a scolding for staying out for just 3 hours but he gets to stay out for an entire day without helping out around here and he gets welcomed home?" I then went to my room because I didn't want them to see the tears that started to fall, then it hit me when I was in my room crying, everything that happened over the years on how differently I was treated, my accomplishments my birthday's and even my sickness. It hit me how differently I was treated, my brother had big graduation foods prepared and his graduations were celebrated from primary all the way to high school and little courses while I just had a well done from my parents even after taking in prices since I was in elementary, thought they'd take me out to eat a celebratory lunch after my high school graduation because it was the hardest part of my life to pass but all I got was a disgusted look and a 'thats what your wearing?' after at my graduation after I took my gown off to take pictures. I can't remember the time I blew out candles for my birthday or when a party was thrown for me, but my brother somehow has a cake for most of his birthdays and he had a really big party once with four big cakes, a whole roasted pig, lots of food and even had all his friends invited. When i reaches the age of 14, the same age he was when my parents threw him a party, I thought I'd have the same too, but I didn't, and still had not one party until I turned 24. The day I turned 23, was a month after my mum got better, I spent the whole day cooking for everyone, was wished happy birthday after realising it was my birthday, I then told them I'd come down to eat later after I take a nap and that they should serve the food and leave mine on the dining table. I came down to find they ate most of the food, and I was only placed only a bit of food in my plate. I got mad and hit my plate on the table with just a little food spilling over, my dad saw this and screamed at me and told me that my future husband would beat me up and that my life will be miserable and bad because of what I did. Well you guessed it, I went back to my room crying, and that blade in my bag looked so tempting against my wrists. I also remember when my brother dropped out of college that I was blamed by my parents, with my dad telling me on my way back from the grocery store that I'm the reason my brother ended up like how he is because they show me too much favour growing up. And when my big brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after dropping out of college after misuse of alcohol and drugs my mum religiously took to the internet to search for diets, information and everything to do with it until he became better and she continued doing so for every little sickness like flu, meanwhile my heart disease was never on her search list. She even signed up for YouTube videos and lessons on everything to do with my brother health, and mind you my heart disease was diagnosed 6 years before he got bipolar. I left for school after the holidays, still exhausted and stressed from the entire experience. My body had reached its lowest point, I could feel my heart was tired, I was ready to die in my bed in my dorm, I had made peace that if my heart passed out before while rest I'd be okay with it. That's third year of uni was hell for me, my body never really recovered, I kept getting sick, had malaria countless times as well as typhoid three times in a row the same year. The stress combined with with the state of my immunity caused me to be sent to various medical officers and clinics to get my blood samples and x-rays to find what was wrong with me, why after being treated and cured my body felt sick. They thought I had tuberculosis, others thought I had STI's but all tests came back negative, and mind you all these tests cost money and my parents weren't happy with what they were spending for me to get this tests. It came to a point when I called my mum to tell her that I feel really sick and I'm stressed with my assignments, only for her to say "you're always sick, everytime we call you're sick. Don't you know we're tired of this, stop trying to get sick!". I'm tired of getting sick too mum, I thought to myself as I got off the call and stared at the pile of medicine Infront of me prescribed by the doctor as well as my heart meds, and they were too much, my mum's words over the phone kept playing in my head I I got my the blade on my study table and pressed it into my left wrist lightly drew it over to cut the skin, the pain felt soothinf, calming even, then I wondered how it would feel if I placed the knife on my study table and fell on it to pierce my heart, would the pain feel good? Would the thoughts stop? Would mum stop complaining? Would they mis me? What would happen to my body? Then I thought better of it and wrote in my dairy ro stop myself from doing ealxactly that then I was distracted by my medicine Infront of me with thoughts of "they would never know if you take all these and overdose, it'll be a painless death." The remainder of third year continued like these, with sickness and suicide thoughts until I went for job internship at a company I've always wanted to work in and life was good because i didnt for home for the holidays and I spent the holidays at school in my little dorm room with friends who looked out for me. Then 2024 rolled around and I'm properly rested, no stress and I'm happy. That's is until a month ago when my parents bought me my ticket to go back home to see them for the holidays that I spiralled, I had completely locked those memories away, but after every phone call this past month I'm left a crying mess with flashes of words said and feelings felt during that time and I go back to thinking of suicide. I nearly commited suicide on the 16th of may, i was truly gonna go throught with it, I wanted to so bad if only I did not see the bible verses in front of me amd if my roommates hadn't come back early. But I know, if I do go home now, I might actually commit suicide, if something like what happened in the past happens again, or if they say another harsh word, I wouldn't think twice of dying, because I'm done, I truly am.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice on managing my emotions and communication with my mom about money. She’s always been very open about finances. Long story but, she is always very open and due to the nature of her openness with the people she’s close with I feel like she lacks the ability to understand how certain things can come across to others. Recently, she had mentioned that she and my dad have accumulated $200,000 in debt, which encompasses loans which they have borrowed for our education, upbringing etc…
While I deeply appreciate everything she’s done for us, I felt overwhelmed when in a phone call a week later she openly mentioned spending $2,300 on a hotel and $2,000 on plane tickets to come to my graduation. She said this with the best intentions, just being transparent as usual, but it made me feel really conflicted, this feeling has only been so present I noticed after the debt conversation.
During the call, I told her I felt bad and even said she shouldn’t mention finances again. However, I didn’t mean she should stop talking about money altogether. I understand the importance of discussing finances, but I feel like there’s a balance between sharing everything and filtering out some of the bigger expenses whereby I feel responsible. I even told her that it made me want to go to the bank right then and there and withdraw $3000 for when she comes here.
But don’t get me wrong she’s a great mother always has been, I have had nothing but a privileged childhood and even now as I finish college, me and my brother have not a single debt whatsoever. But due to this I plan to pay back all the efforts shared when I’m in that position one day, hopefully sooner than later. I noticed after our phone call, about two days later she sent me $200 just as extra pocket money and usually she tells me when she sends cash but nothing at all and I feel bad because I feel like she took it the wrong way.
How can I better manage these feelings and explain to her that while I want to stay informed, certain details make me feel overwhelmed? Any advice on navigating this situation would be greatly appreciated!

I am in the process of buying a house. We had the money for the downpayment in several accounts - one with 375k and one with 25k that I share historically with my dad. No history of recent deposits from him into the account, we created it that way decades ago when I was in college. I then pooled the funds together to make the 400k downpayment.
That emptied out a bank account my dad I share. About a week later, he then put another 100k in the account. Now the underwriters asked for the bank statement which will show this 'gift' (it wasn't intended that way, but I suppose it is that).
What will happen to my in-process underwriting? Is this a huge red flag that could break the loan process? Am I obligated to get my dad to write a "gift letter?" even though we had all of the money together before the gift? Is there a best possible way to explain this to the underwriters?
What a mess. Please help! We love this house.

I am in the process of buying a house. We had the money for the downpayment in several accounts - one with 375k and one with 25k that I share historically with my dad. No history of recent deposits from him into the account, we created it that way decades ago when I was in college. I then pooled the funds together to make the 400k downpayment.
That emptied out a bank account my dad I share. About a week later, he then put another 100k in the account. Now the underwriters asked for the bank statement which will show this 'gift' (it wasn't intended that way, but I suppose it is that).
What will happen to my in-process underwriting? Is this a huge red flag that could break the loan process? Am I obligated to get my dad to write a "gift letter?" even though we had all of the money together before the gift?
What a mess. Please help! We love this house.

hi. so long story short my (24M) female best friend (24F) proposed me to get into a relationship like 8 months ago. Even tho I haven’t asked the question she pushed the matter and we started doing couple things and we were more or less together.
Well, there was another (crazy) girl 24F with whom I had planed a vacantion before this situation and this girl started hitting on me. I should mention that the girls hated one another. Well this girl that i was going on vacation started hitting on me and tho I said to her that she is hurrying too much she was literally crazy and spamed me everyday with one problem or another regarding our “future relationship” that wasn t in the question.
During that time me and my”girlfriend” to call her that weren’t so good due to some problems at work and it didn’t seem at the time that we would have such great odds and so I did something stupid and I kissed this second girl just to make her satisied for a bit and not to ruin our trip with the intention that after we get back I won t talk to her anymore and ask the first at last to be my girlfriend.
Well…..things with us got better and we went through some rough times but after kissing that other girl 2 times I had to tell her to stop and she didn t get this very well and she did some fuss but not so much and agreed to still go on the trip.
Long story short my girlfriend got suspicious due to some conversations and she went through my instagram and foud the conversation and blocked me after crying for a long time as I told her the truth on a facetime call. The next days has been hell for me… I ve cheated the girl I was in love with and had no courage to admit it. I was very scared that I would lose my freedom, that I will break her heart, that she will break mine etc etc.
I was a child and didn’t see what I had by my side just when it was too late. I should mention that those two girls had a mutual good friend that after finding out about me and this second girl texted me and I was thrilled to see that cuz she could have helped me to calm down the crazy bitch. Needless to say that in the present moment my girlfriend isn’t talking to her either even tho they work together.
I DID A LOT OF MESS I FEEL AWFUL. I VE HURTED BAD THE PERSON I LOVE THE MOST IN THE WORLD CUZ I WAS A SELFISH CHILD. I had a few days in which I cried for the first time in 14 years and went to the church to tell my sins and I wrote some 15 pages of letters to give her after we meet.
Yesterday I went to her office and waited for her to leave and when she cames she pulled me a side and told me that I humiliated her everywhere except her office and she doesn t want to listen to me but she did for like an hour in which I was on my knees telling her what a huge mistake this was and how bad I feel and how I want just one chance to make things right but she wasn’t so impressed. She told me that she didn’t believe anything I say which hurt cuz I was speaking from my true heart for the first time. I was a kid, I lied and decieved even tho i hate those things the most.
Initially she didn t want to take the letters but she did and told me she ll try not to throw them away. I’m not ready to leave her… I know she loves me very much and I know I can be the man she wants and for me to say that is really something new. I am quite a good looking guy and I get a lot of female attention and I was scared of letting go of this version of me. But not anymore, all of them don’t matter. She is the only one that matters and I’ve destroyed her soul. What can I do next ???
I am seeking advice because I want her back and I want to treat her right, the way I always wanted to but was too scared to do so. I was a kid so scared that I would get hurt that I’ve lied and cheated and betrayed the trust of the most important person in my life. The past few days were hell and I think from her face the day before that some chances are still there but I need to wait a while. At this time her ego is probably smashed but I need to keep doing some things in order to show her effort and that I want what she is/ was offering and that now I am ready to be who she needs me to be.
TL;DR: my female best friend (24F) proposed a relationship with you (24M) 8 months ago. You started doing couple things without formally asking the question. Meanwhile, another girl (24F) who you had planned a vacation with started hitting on you, causing tension as she and your female best friend disliked each other. Feeling unsure about your relationship with the first girl due to work problems, you ended up kissing the second girl to appease her temporarily. This act caused suspicion and turmoil in your relationship with your best friend.