Picture of body to label

Hey everyone, I have been super hesitant posting on the thread about my medical mystery that has been ongoing for about 7 months now, I’m just at a loss and want to know if anyone has had any similar issues or advice.
Back in 2019 I had a hyperextension injury in my lower back, near my SI joint. Long story short, after scans were done, they found out I have spina bifida occulta, they told me that I’d have to live with the pain I was having and sent me on my way. Frustrated, I kept pushing through until the next issues occurred.
November 1, 2023, exactly 7 months ago now, I woke up one morning with a headache. Nothing out of the ordinary for me honestly, I’ve been told I suffer with a type of migraine disorder, but Tylenol always made it go away after a while. Skip ahead to now, June 1, 2024, and this headache is still here, I know it sounds crazy, but every single day I wake up with this headache and go to sleep with this headache, absolutely no medication has helped me, and trust me I’ve tried quite a few.
Along with this headache, I noticed a lot of other symptoms, and honestly so much has changed since then I can’t remember them all, but some include: weight gain, blurry vision (almost like a film over my eyes at times), extreme fatigue, extreme bruising out of nowhere, free bleeding every time I got even the tiniest scratch, not sleeping at night, random weakness and numbness in my hands, random entire body weakness, even more sugar drops than normal (I’m also Hypoglycemic), muscle cramps, dizziness, joint and muscle pain (more than usual), muscle cramps (more than usual), abdominal pain, extreme indigestion and heart burn, extreme bloating, TMJ flares 24/7, a knot on the side of my face located at my temple, major brain to speech delays that have almost made me speak differently now, brain fog, and the list could continue forever I feel like.
After what felt like forever with this headache and all the other issues, I go to my PCP hoping that they can help me somehow. They told me I was getting over a sinus infection and gave me antibiotics for fluid behind my ear, and muscle relaxers for my TMJ flare up which they said caused the knot on my temple as well. I didn’t think this was the issue, but did as told, and took the medications the course I was given, and to no avail, nothing changed. They said that they would refer me to a neurologist and stated that this could take a while and that they would also probably need a head CT for scheduling to accept me. No CT was scheduled and I hadn’t heard back from them in a while.
December 24, 2023, I ended up in my local ER with a debilitating headache, where I gave them my entire sob story over again, because at this point I felt so stupid coming to the ER for this. They done a head CT and gave me some IV meds that took the edge off the slightest, enough to where I could at least function some, but still in pain. They told me that my head CT was normal and that I needed to go to the neurologist after getting an appointment. So a wasted trip in my eyes because I’m still left in pain with absolutely no idea what is going on.
I get in with my now neurologist in the new year and start going to see them. They prescribed me a lot of different medications for a period of time over 3 months to see what would help, news flash, nothing helped, ever, it’s still here to this day. I have also had a brain MRI and a EEG done as well. They thought that maybe with my issues with spina bifida occulta, that I had a Chiari Malformation or some type of seizure disorder that had just made itself known. Guess what, all scans are normal, spectacular even as they all told me, my scans were the picture of health! Then why do I feel so bad every single day.
Fast forward to many appointments and medications and blood panels later. I have an appointment with my neurologist to go over what we should do next. I told them that I was also starting to experience major abdominal pain on my right lower abdomen. They assumed that maybe it was appendicitis, so we done some tests, they assumed that I was fine and sent me downstairs for bloodwork. Now,‘I’ve never had issues with getting bloodwork done, I’m a super nerd about everything medical and have absolutely no weak stomach to anything. I am getting my blood drawn and completely black out. I mean stopped breathing and had compressions started in the middle of the lab. When I finally came to, they checked all of my vitals, all normal, minus my bp was a little bit elevated. Everything else, even sugar, all normal. I was rushed to the ER that is closest to my neurologist, which is 2 and a half hours away from my house. They thought maybe I did have appendicitis and it burst. Or a possible ovarian cyst.
In the ambulance and in the ER waiting for a room, it almost happens a second and third time. I’m terrified at this point. They run an EKG, abdominal CT, bloodwork, urine sample, ultrasounds, the entire works. Guess what, all comes back normal, except they did find that my liver is slightly enlarged? Odd, but okay. I get set up appointments with a cardiologist, a GI specialist, an orthopedist spine specialist, and told to visit my OBGYN for the possible ovarian pain.
Now time for a speed round of these appointments: - OBGYN says my abdominal pain is pelvic floor muscle spasms, no reason why, gave me muscle relaxers, has gone away mostly - Cardiologist says I need a heart monitor to assess my heart palpitations, haven’t gotten that yet, so at a dead end with that for now - Spine specialist done X-rays, confirmed spina bifida occulta, also diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease (runs in my family and I done gymnastics my entire life to make it worse), I have Bilateral sacroiliitis, and Mild lumbar stenosis, sending me to PT and getting dry needling done, just had my first appointment yesterday, so ongoing. - GI specialist does an insane amount of bloodwork (yay finally), and now I’m scheduled for a fibroscan of my liver next month.
However, the following are the current bloodwork results: - High chloride - Low CO2 - Low Bun - High Alpha-1 Antitrypsin - High iron - High Transferrin - High AST - High ALT (almost double the normal amount) - Positive Antinuclear Antibodies (ANA) - ANA Titer value 1:80 - ANA Pattern Homogeneous
They also told me that even through I have had all of my hepatitis vaccines throughout my stages of life, that I am NOT protected against Hepatitis B and need to go get another round of the vaccine, however, have no active Hepatitis B infection.
And the little background I have: currently on birth control, Loryna® (Drospirenone and Ethinyl Estradiol Tablets, USP) 3 mg/0.02 mg, for oral use, I have been on this since early 2020. And I was on Lexapro 10mg for a little over a year between late 2022 to very early 2024. I am no longer taking Lexapro.
I am stumped and confused and frustrated beyond compare at this point and don’t know where to turn to next. Has anyone had an experience even close to this or any advice for where I should turn next?

I have had body issues due to trauma my whole life. I had always thought I was fat but looking back I was always very slim. People always told me k was pretty and could be a model but I never saw that in myself. Growing up in an abusive family, I was put down a lot and had my insecurities used against me. This developed a lot of self esteem issues creating an unsure image of myself. Before dating my current boyfriend, I was with my ex of 13 years who was verbally and emotionally abusive as well. He would call me fat when I wasn’t and then anorexic when I had actually lost more weight being down to 103lbs in my mid twenties. In 2019 we had broken up and even though he was no good for me and I knew that, I had a very hard time with it. I also lost my dad a few months later which I think sealed the deal for what was to come. Covid rules went in to place around this time making it impossible to go get groceries yet Uber eats and things like that were still running to an extent. I lost myself and would order out a lot. I feel like I lost such a huge part of me that I no longer cared about myself and before knowing it I had gained lots of weight.
In 2021 I tried dating again and had no problem meeting new guys. I’m sure it was my personality that attracted them to me which was great and what I wanted however nothing worked out long term. I knew I wanted to lose weight but it was very hard for me and I didn’t even know where to start. I continued dating and said if I found someone who liked me for me now, then I’d know it’s real and would cherish me when I did lose weight. In 2022 I met a guy like no other. I almost swiped left but something drew me to him. He was awesome and so sweet. He was everything I ever wanted in a man and he seemed to like me for me, all of me. Through dating my self confidence came back, if anything it rose and I would actually feel hot and beautiful, something I never thought about myself before. He never put me down, told me my body was beautiful and made me feel amazing but in the back of my mind I still knew I wanted to lose weight. He supported me but told me I didn’t need to lose weight and that I was perfect the way I was. Throughout our whole relationship he would compliment me, making me feel on top of the world. Him liking me for me was a main thing that made me fall for him. I had never felt more comfortable and safe in my whole life.
I ended up getting pregnant and since giving birth, I had lost all my pregnancy weight and I think even more weight on top of that. The other day I was looking at my id from 2021 compared to now and there was such a huge difference in my face size. As of now, I’m about 176lbs and 5”6 for context. For BMI I am 1 point in the overweight mark but I see that as just 1 point over average which I know I can easily get down to. We were having a discussion yesterday and I asked him a personal question about our future, he snapped on me but later told me he wants me to lose weight. This came as an absolute shock to me. Not because I know I need to and want to but that this was coming from the same guy who always praised my body and made me feel like I was beautiful no matter what. It crushed me hearing this though I know it was true. What really got me is he said something along the lines of throughout our relationship he would look at me and not like the way I looked but overlook it. That really hurt and made me feel like our whole relationship was a lie. If so, why did he always compliment my body? Why did he try to make me feel so good about myself? Just the night before I was in the bathtub bent over where my stomach probably looked gross and he randomly came in and whistled at me. When I brought this up to him, he said it was because he thought I looked good. Everything he told me just contradicted each other. He would say sometimes he found me attractive the way I was and sometimes he didn’t like it. I was like so what, do you just pick and choose? How am I supposed to know? He claimed he was just as confused. He also said a few other contradictory things about our relationship, complaining we don’t do anything (we have a small child and no one to babysit) and saying I’m boring however every event, trip, outing was sought out and planned by me alone. So again I was very confused. He was really mean about it all but continued to say he loves me, love our time together, never met anyone like me, sees a future with me. How am I supposed to take all that? I’m not at all making excuses for him but he has been very stressed lately in not finding a job and I can see it’s been getting to him the last few days so I’m not sure if this helped in causing him to lash out at me in any way.
With him saying he wants me to lose weight, it was also confusing to hear as I have spent the last year begging him to help me out in regards to our home life. I struggle mentally but still do everything cool, clean, take care of our baby (he does help out) but he leaves me with so much mental load that I have to think for him. He’s has a task list of things to do for the last two years that he still hasn’t done and I have to keep track of that for him as well as his appointments. Anyone who’s had a baby especially a single mother would know how hard it is to do it on your own, I feel like with him I have another child I have to take care of. The responsibilities in our life are definitely not equal. He gets up, makes himself a big breakfast, has the time to work out and do the things he likes but me, I do a full day of work and when our baby goes to sleep I am completely exhausted that I mostly crash out within an hour or 2. He leaves me no time for myself to work out even if I wanted to and along with the mental load I am just exhausted. I also want to add that I have been having some health issues since the new year and I actually made a few changes. I cold turkey stopped drinking soda and changed my eating habits. He said he was proud of me and how quickly I could do that to take care of myself. But now he’s acting like I’ve made no changes at all even though I have lost weight both since I’ve met him and since giving birth. Of course I want to lose weight but now it almost feels wrong to do so. I don’t want to do it just because he said he ants me to. I want to do it at my own pace in my own way because I want to. It’s always been a goal of mine. And now I feel if I do lose weight and he starts complimenting me, it’ll just be wrong because I will always remember that he never liked me for me. I am already feeling extremely uncomfortable around him and wearing more clothes to hide my body. Also everything now feels like it was a lie so I don’t know how to move forward or if I even should.
I am really just so confused and don’t know where to go from here. Is this a reasonable request or should I move on? Opinions? Suggestions?
*** I forgot to add that he tells me he sees old pictures of me and wants me to look like that though those pictures are 10 years old and I’m not that same person anymore. Of course I’ve grown up and don’t always doll myself up to go to clubs and such anymore. Plus I was an unhealthy weight, you could see my bones sticking out. How should I take this?

These are reviews of various dictionaries based on my personal experience (though I kinda ran out of steam halfway through):
Unabridged Dictionaries:
Webster's Third New International Dictionary (W3): Basically the unabridged dictionary in the US. A good dictionary overall, but this dictionary is also heavily outdated. This dictionary was published in 1961 and stopped receiving additions to the Addenda (a section at the front where new words or definitions and usages for old ones could be added) in 2002. The Addenda is a bit inconvenient to use, being separated from the main text. Note that the Addenda is where you'll find all the vulgar four-letter words. As for positives, this dictionary has well-written and comprehensive definitions, the most entries of any physical unabridged dictionary (besides the Oxford English Dictionary), and lovely hand-drawn black-and-white illustrations. It has great coverage of words in every area and field and contains even the most obscure definitions.
One oddity of this dictionary is that nearly every word is shown in lowercase, even if it's always uppercase (though initialisms, trademark, and God are the exception to this rule); a label next to the word indicates how often it is capitalized. This makes for a consistent look, but it's overall inconvenient. The definitions also tend to be a bit wordy; for example, consider the definition of "leaf": "a lateral outgrowth from a stem that constitutes part of the foliage of a plant and functions primarily in food manufacture by photosynthesis, that arises in regular succession from the growing point, that consists typically of a flattened green blade which is joined to the stem by a petiole often with a pair of stipules at its base, which in cross section exhibits an outer covering of epidermal cells penetrated by stomata usually more numerous on the lower surface, which has one or more layers of palisade cells beneath the upper epidermis and between these and the lower epidermis a mass of spongy parenchyma cells, both palisade and spongy tissue being ramified by a network of veins, and that is distinguished from a leaflet, cladophyll, or phylloclade by the presence of a bud at the juncture of petiole and stem and from a phyllode by differentiation into blade and petiole" Comprehensive, but a bit wordy and difficult to comprehend.
This dictionary faced quite a bit of controversy over being "permissive" at the time of its release. This controversy was mostly culture war nonsense, and the dictionary is no less descriptive than its predecessor.
This dictionary also has useful usage guidance and synonymies (discrimination between synonyms). Physically, this book is massive but also quite lovely. Overall, most people do not need an unabridged dictionary, but if you need or want one, this is the one you should get.
Random House Webster's Unabridged Dictionary: I found this dictionary somewhat disappointing. First, the positives: the illustrations are nice and the formatting is acceptable. It's a bit more up-to-date compared to W3 (released in 1987 and updated until 2001); however, it's still fairly outdated. However, this still gives the Random House Webster's an edge when it comes to slang and newer terms. The essay on avoiding insensitive or offensive language is a nice addition. However, the definitions are somewhat weak in comparison to W3. For example, regret is defined by Random House as "a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc." and by W3 as "sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair : grief or pain tinged with disappointment, dissatisfaction, longing, remorse, or comparable emotion." In addition, there aren't nearly as many entries as W3. Overall, a decent dictionary, but the W3 is overall the better package.
College Dictionaries:
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: This is the dictionary most people should get. It is abridged from W3 but is more up-to-date, the eleventh edition having last been revised in 2020. Good definitions, nice illustrations, useful usage guidance and discrimination of synonyms. It's not afraid to capitalize entry words like the W3 was. Overall, if you only want to get one physical dictionary, make it this one. It's pretty cheap on Amazon.
Webster's New World College Dictionary: This is the other dictionary most people should get. In comparison to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate, this dictionary also has good definitions and illustrations; the definitions are a bit easier to understand though not quite as precise or comprehensive. It's a bit less descriptive but not by much. Overall, my recommendation is to make this your second dictionary. Best used in conjunction with Merriam-Webster's Collegiate.
American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language: This is a great dictionary. Its strongest strength is its formatting, generous margins, and lovely full-color pictures. Unfortunately, it's no longer in print. Famously, this dictionary contains the usage panel; however, this is more of a drawback than an advantage. The usage advice is subpar compared to other college dictionaries. It also has an appendix containing Indo-European roots (probably its best feature in my eyes). Overall, you can't go wrong with this dictionary even if it's not as good as Merriam-Webster's Collegiate or the New World.
Random House Webster's College Dictionary: An abridgment of Random House Webster's Unabridged Dictionary. All of my criticisms for that dictionary apply here.
Online Dictionaries:
Wiktionary: This dictionary is very up-to-date but the definitions are of varying quality. A very useful feature is the very many foreign words treated here. Also, the section outlining translations of a word into various languages is good. Obscure words are treated here too. Overall, I recommend using this in conjunction with Merriam-Webster Online or Unabridged.
Google Dictionary: This is the dictionary you use if you don't care about dictionaries. The definitions are acceptable. One useful feature is a graph showing the usage of a word over time. However, this offers no usage advice or discrimination of synonyms. Overall, if you don't care at all about the dictionary you use, just use this dictionary.
Merriam-Webster Online: The definitions are the best out of any online dictionary. However, due to Merriam-Webster's standards for inclusion, some more recent words might not be here. This is basically a digital version of Merriam-Webster's Collegiate but more frequently updated.
Merriam-Webster Unabridged: This is basically a digital version of W3 (see my critique of W3 above). It also includes the Collegiate Dictionary, Collegiate Thesaurus, and Medical Dictionary. It solves the main issue of that dictionary which was capitalization of entry headwords and up-to-dateness. Unfortunately, there's a heavy subscription cost though you can get a free one-year subscription at https://www.merriam-webstercollegiate.com/ (though this requires a copy of the Collegiate). This is my overall preferred online dictionary, and I often use it in conjunction with Wiktionary.
Dictionary.com: This is basically a digital version of Random House Webster's Unabridged. My criticisms of that dictionary apply to this one.
American Heritage Dictionary Online: This is basically a digital version of the AHD (see above). My criticisms of that apply here.
If you have any questions or want clarification, feel free to reply to this post.

Good morning. Hope everyone doing well. Small sale, if interested in something and think price is too high then feel free to send offer. Worst I can do is say no then stalk you online for couple months and harass you while you’re at work.
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Kennedy Halves 40% - 74 total - $310 shipped priority FRB for all 74 coins. That’s 10.94 oz of silver for $310 shipped. Average cost is $28.33 per oz. shipped.
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1982 George Washington Commemoratives Uncirculated and Proof Coins with OGP - $12 each
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Royal Mint Rolling Stones Silver 1 oz - $31 each or all 8 for $245 shipped Priority FRB
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2023-S Peace RP PR70 - $100
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11/20/2017
Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
When I woke up, I was in such a haze that I couldn’t make out where I was at first. My vision was a blur and all I could hear was the sounds of rushing water. I tried to move my limbs, but each muscle down to my little finger felt like lead weighing down on me, making it hard to breathe.
It felt like forever before the ringing in my ear was slowly swallowed out by a voice crying out from what sounded like a distance only to grow louder as it seemed to approach me from the void I had woken up in. It wasn’t until I heard my name that I recognized it was Kate’s voice, pleading and filled with tears.
I blinked away the blur, finding myself staring up at a water damaged ceiling, a single yellow light brightening the room. My head was pounding and my body still felt heavy, but I moved my head enough to turn and see where Kate was calling from. It took a moment, but I soon realized that she was lying on her back, strapped by her arms and legs to a metal table, looking to me with wide terrified eyes.
“Detective, please help!” She cried out. “Please don’t be dead! Please help me!”
“Bl-Black…Well…” I groaned out as I tried, painfully, to pick myself up off the stone floor, “Black…Well… Ah… Shit… Shit! Ms. Blackwell-“ I was gaining consciousness minute by minute as I finally took in the situation and got to my feet. However, the moment I had gotten to my feet and began running to Kate only to immediately fall back to the floor once again, my ankle getting caught by something heavy. I turned to see my ankle had been shackled to the floor by a cuff and chains. I searched my person to find my coat, along with my Glock had been taken, blood decorating my pants and sleeves. I placed a palm to my forehead to find blood when I lowered it down to look at the warm liquid slithering down from my scalp.
“Ms. Blackwell,” I returned my attention to her, examining what I could from my place on the floor, “are you alright, are you hurt?”
“I… I… I don’t… Don’t think so…” she managed to whine out.
“Where’s Mr. Raines?”
To this question, Kate looked away from me, sobbing being her only verbal response.
I went back to the shackles on my ankle and began trying to yank the chains off from the floor, but they had been well maintained and were too strong for me to simply yank out of the stone. I then quickly looked around the room to find we were in a different basement from the one in Cabin #3, though it had the same kind of layout, the table the only major difference. I also took note of the blood stains that trailed from the sides of the table and the dried pools below.
“I want my mom!” Kate cried out, her voice echoing in the empty room.
“I’ll get you to her, I will, I promise,” I assured her, trying to find something, anything to get us out of this, “do you remember how we got down here?”
“I… I… I just re-remember… Remember you g-getting knocked out… Knocked out by someone and them… Them putting a rag over me… Then everything went black… Then I woke… Woke up… H-Here…” Kate answered, trying to breathe with each sob she let out. “I… I th-thought… y-you… You were d-d-… Dead!”
“I’m not, I’m very much alive and I’m going to get you out of here and back to your parents,” I vowed as I continued looking for a way out of this situation, “we’re going to get you out of here, get you home, and we’ll make sure no one ever gets hurt here ever-“
The sound of the basement door from the splintered wooden steps cut me off. I listened as feet descended down the steps to the basement below, Kate’s ragged breaths the only other sound. The person who came down was a woman. The same exact woman from the photo I had found in her house. She looked as if she had not aged since that photo was taken, despite how long ago it seemed the photo was taken. She had the same exact long, white hair, same tired looking eyes, and same disgustingly pale skin as in that photo and on her profile picture. It was Mrs. Larson.
“Deeeeeetectiiiiiiive,” she spoke in a hoarse voice mixed with what I assumed was her own and several others, both male and female, adult and child, “youuuuuuu shouuuullld haaaaaaaaave juuuuuuusssssst giiiiiven herrrrrrr toooooo meeeeee… Youuuuuuuu diiiiiiiiid nooooooot haaaaaave toooooooo ssssssseeeee thiiiiiissssss…”
“Fuck you!” I shouted, beginning to charge at the elderly woman only to be yanked back by my shackles. “Let us go, right now!”
“Nnnnooooo,” Mrs. Larson replied harshly as she stepped over to loom over Kate.
“Stay away from her!” I barked, trying desperately to break free of my shackles.
She ignored me as she ran a shaky hand down along Kate’s trembling face. “Ooooooooohhhhh, Kaaaaaate… Sweeeeet, sweeeeeeeet, Kaaaaaaaaaate…” Mrs. Larson cooed as she went on stroking Kate’s wet cheek. “Doooooo noooooooot crrrrrrryyyyyyy, dooooooonnnnnn’t thiiiiiiiiiinnnnk oooooofff iiiiiiiit aaaaaaaassssss dyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnng, thiiiiiiiiinnnk ooooooooffff iiiiiiit aaaaaassssss ssssssssaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiinnng aaaaaannnnoooootherrrrrrrrr liiiiiiiiife.”
“I-I… I d-don’t… Don’t under-understand… w-what th-that… That m-means…” Kate cried, her hands gripping the sides of the metal table beneath her, “P-Please, d-don’t… Don’t kill me… L-Let… Let us-us go!”
“Nnnnnoooooo,” Mrs. Larson answered in the same harshness she used on me, “IIIIIIIII neeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu,” she then shot a death glare my way through tired, silver eyes, “aaaaaaaannnnnnd heeeeeeeeee’ssssssss beeeeeeeeeennnnnn nnnnnnnoooooooothiiiiiiiiinnnnnng buuuuut aaaaaa thooooooorrrrrrnnnn iiiiiiinnnnn myyyyyyyyy ssssssssiiiiiiiide siiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnccccccce youuuuuu eeeeeessssssscaaaaaaped meeeeeeee.” She then looked back to Kate with a softer look. “Aaaaaaaassssss fffffoooooorrrrr whaaaaaaaat youuuuuuu caaaaaannnn’t uuuuuunnnnnnderrrrrrssssssstaaaaaaannnnnnd, IIIIIIIIII nnnnnneeeeeeed yourrrrrrrrrr heaaaaaaaarrrrrt tooooooo ssssssssaaaaaavvvvvvve myyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiisssssssterrrrrrrr.”
“The fuck does that mean?” I demanded, still trying to vain to pull my ankle from the chains. “How the hell will Kate’s heart save your sister?”
“Diiiiiiiiidnnnnnn’t nnnnnnneeeeeeed toooooo beeeee Kaaaaaaate’sssssss,” admitted Mrs. Larson, “buuuuuuuut sssshhhhhheeeeee hiiiiiiiiid theeeeee ooooooootherrrrr giiiiirrrrrrllllll ffffffrrrrroooooommmmm mmmmmeeeeee.”
“S-Son… Sonja…” Kate sniffed, the tears still streaming down her face.
“IIIIIIII oooooooonnnnnlllllyyyyy neeeeed fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllle,” Mrs. Larson dismissed Ms. Greymoore’s name, “ffffffeeeeeeemmmmmaaaaaallllle heaaaaaaaarrrrrrrtsssss toooooo rrrrrrreeeeeetuuuuurrrrrrnnnnn mmmmmmyyyyy ssssiiiiissssssterrrrrrrrr toooooo theeeeeeee giiiiirrrrrllllll ssssshhhhhheeeee uuuuuuuusssssed tooooo beeeeeee.”
“That’s a fucking joke right?” I asked. “The hell makes you think eating a female heart will turn your sister back into a human woman? Have you seen what’s happened to your sister?”
“IIIIIIIII knnnnnnnooooooow beeeeeeecaaaauuuuusssssse iiiiiiiiiiit wooooooorrrrrked ooooooonnnnn mmmmmeeeeee,” Mrs. Larson explained, “IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaasssss aaaaaaablllllllle toooooo reeeeeeetaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn thiiiiiiiiiisssssss huuuuuummmmmmaaaaaannnnn fffffffooooorrrrrrmmmm ffffffrrrrrooooommmm eeeeeaaaaatiiiiiinnnnnng theeeeeeee heaaaaaaaaarrrrrtsssss, sssssspecifffffficaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllleeee sssssssooooooo IIIIIIIIII mmmmmmaaaaaayyyyyy rrrrrreeeeetuuuurrrrrnnnnn toooo beeeeeiiiiinnnng theeeeeeee giiiiiirrrrrrrllllll IIIIIII uuuuuuusssssed toooooooo beeeeeee.”
“You were dead,” I pointed out, “they found your body up here, you were buried.”
“Theeeeeessssssse sssshhhhheeeeeellllllsssss arrrrrrre mmmmmeeeeeerrreeeellllyyy veeeeeessssssellllllssssss ffffffoooooorrrrrr theeeeeeee sssssspiiiiirrrrriiiiiitsssss weeeee hiiiiiiiiiiide beeeeeneeeeaaaaattthhhh,” Mrs. Larson responded, finally turning her gaze to me, “IIIIIIII haaaaaaad tooooooo maaaake peeeopllllle beeeelieevvvve IIIIIII haaaaaad diiiiiiied tooooo keeeeeep frrrrroooommm theeeee poooooollllliiiiicccce ffffrrrrrrooooommmm pooookiiiiiinnnng aaaaarrrrouuuuuunnnnd aaaaannnnnd rrrrruuuiiinnnnniiinnnng eeeevvvveeerrrrryyythiiiiinnnng.”
“So, let me just get this whole thing straight,” I began as I started rubbing my temples, "when you and your sister starting into… Whatever the hell that thing you call your sister is-“
“Ooooouuuurrrrr sssssspiiiiiirrrrrriiiiiit,” Mrs. Larson corrected.
“Whatever!” I shot. “You found out that eating female hearts turns you two back into human women and to keep police from suspecting you, you pretended to be dead and… What? Just hope a shitty real estate agency would buy your property and you could just… Kill people, people with lives and families outside the mountains?”
“Thaaaaaaaat iiiiiiisssss cooooorrrrrreeeeect…” Mrs. Larson admitted, narrowing her eyes at me.
That’s when I began laughing hysterically, holding my sides that hurt with each harsh breath of a laugh I took. Both Mrs. Larson and Kate looked to me as if I had lost my mind and at this point I was starting to believe I had. Everything I had seen and heard about this entire case would put anyone in the looney bin. And I’m the damn fool who dug too deep into something he had nothing to do with.
“Whaaaaaat’s ssssoooo ffffuuunnnny?” Growled Mrs. Larson, stepping around Kate to stand between us.
“I don’t know what’s fucking funnier, honestly,” I chuckled, running a hand through my hair, “the fact that you thing people won’t be poking around even more when they discover not only is Blackwell missing, but so is a detective and escaped convict all of whom now have ties to these fucking mountains and those cabins, or that you thing I’m more afraid of what you plan on doing with me more than I am when her father finds out I got her in this situation in the first place!”
“Heeeeeee wooooonnnnn’t beeeee aaaaabllllle toooooo doooo aaaaaannnnnyyyyythiiiiiinnnng aaaaaaafffffterrrrrrr IIIIIIIII’mmmmm dooooooonnnne wiiiiiiiith booooooth ooooooooffffff youuuuuuuuu,” Mrs. Larson hissed as she inched closer, “fffffffiiiiiiirrrrrrssssst, IIIIIIIII waaaaaannnnnt youuuuuuuu toooo waaaaaatch mmmmmeeeee kiiiiiiillllll herrrrrrr,” she turned her head to look to Kate who was now just shaking, her eyes seemingly gone dry from the crying, Mrs. Larson then looked back to me, “sssssseeeeecooooonnnnd, IIIIIIII wiiiiillllll ssssssaaaaave youuuuu fffffooooorrrr mmmmmmyyyyy sssssiiiiiisssssterrrrr, oooooonnnnne heeeeaaaaart wiiiiilllll nnnnoooot ssssssaaaaaatissssfffffyyyy herrrr huuuuuunnnnnger.” She took another step. “Uuuuuuuunnnnnllllliiiiiike sssssssoooooommmme ssssssiiiiiibllllliiiiiiinnnnnngsssss, IIIIIIIII caaaaaarrrre aaaaaaboooouuuuut mmmmmmyyyyy ffffffaaaammmmiiiiilllllyyyyyy.”
She stared into my eyes, expecting a reaction and while my blood did somewhat boil at the accusatory statement, I didn’t fully understand what she was getting at. Not until she used that voice. Not until she relived that day with those two familiar child-like voices.
“Screw you, Liam!” She cried out in a voice I remember from my childhood. “I hope you drop dead!”
“Stop.” I demanded.
“Piss off, Ryan!” She shot back in a second boy’s voice.
“I said stop!” I began shouting.
“Help me, Ryan! Please, help me! I’m sorry! Please, Lucky Dime, help me!”
I then lunged toward her, reaching my hands out toward her neck only to be stopped by the shackles as she swiftly, almost without even moving, stepped just out of my reach.
“Fucking bitch!” I screamed out.
“If only you really cared about me, Lucky Dime,” sighed Mrs. Larson as she turned and began making her way to the side of the room where a cart stood in the shadows. She pulled it over to Kate’s side, the cart covered in rusted medical tools.
“P-Please,” Kate wheezed, “p-p-please… I… I d-d-don’t w-want… Want t-to d-d… D-Die, I… I w-w-want m-m-m… My m-mom!”
“Dooooonnn’t woooorrrrryyyyy,” Mrs. Larson soothed, using that mix of different voices, “mmmmmmaaaayyyyybeeee sheeee wiiiillll cooooommmme loooookinnnng ffffooooorrrr yooouuuuu aaaaannnnnd sheeeeeee caaaaannnnn joooooiiiiiinnnn youuuuuuu.”
Kate began to sob, begging and pleading for Mrs. Larson to let her go, thrashing around in her restraints. Telling the older woman that there was no saving her sister and that she was too far gone for this sick ritual to work anymore. I tried to yank at the chains once more, trying to loosen it at least enough to break free and grab at Mrs. Larson.
“Rrrrrrreeeeellllllaaaaax,” Mrs. Larson ordered as she began filling a syringe with some kind of clear liquid from a small bottle, “yoooouuuuuu woooooonnnn’t eeeeeveeennn fffffeeeellll iiiiiiit, thiiiissssss wiiiiiillllll puuuuuut youuuuu toooo ssssssllllllleeeeeep aaaaaannnnnnd wheeeeeennnnnn youuuuuu waaaaaake uuuuuuuup, youuuuuuu’lllllll beeee iiiiiinnnnnn heeeeeaaaaaaveeeennnnn… Uuuuuunnnnnnnllllllessssss youuuuuuu weeeerrrrrrre aaaaaa haaaaaarrrrrlllllooooooot, iiiiiiinnnnnn whiiiiiiiich caaaaaassssssseeeee, mmmmmaaaayyyy Goooooood haaaaaaaave mmmmmmmmerrrrrrrcccccyyyyy ooooonnnnn youuuuuur ssssssoooouuuuullllll… Aaaaannnnnd baaaaaaasssssed ooooonnnn hoooooow youuuuuu drrrrressss aaaaannnnnd theeeee coooommmmpaaaannnnyyyy youuuuuu keeeeeep,” She added as she eyed me, “IIIIIII ssssssaaaaaayyyy youuuuu haaaaaave aaaaa lllllloooooot ooooooffff fooooooorrrrgiiiiiviiiiinnnnng tooooo dooooo.”
Kate continued to cry as Mrs. Larson pushed the needle of the syringe into her arm, pushing down on the plunger as it pierced the flesh. Kate’s loud screams soon turned quieter and her red eyes began to glaze over, but she continued to stay awake, tightening her grip on the table and still begging to be let go.
“IIIIII waaaaannnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch, Detective,” Mrs. Larson spat out my title in Mr. Blackwell’s voice, “IIIII waaaaannnnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch herrrrrr fffffaaaaaade aaaaaannnnnnd mmmmmeeeee rrrrreeeemmmmooooove heerr heeeaaaarrrrrt toooooo ffffffeeeeeed tooooo mmmmmmyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiissssssterrrrrr,” she then pulled out a recorder, “theeeeennnnnn wheeeeeennnnn IIIIIII ssssssuuuuummmmoooooonnnnn herrrrrrr aaannnnd sheeeee fffffiiiinnnniiiishessssss oooooofffffff heeeerrrrr heeeaaaaarrrrrt, youuuuuuu’llllllll beeeeee neeeeeext.”
“Fuck you,” I snarled, “I hope you and your sister burn.”
“IIIIIIIII’mmmmm gooooonnnnnaaaaa gooooo aaaaallllllerrrrrrt mmmmmyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiissssterrrrrr,” Mrs. Larson turned and began making her way to the basement steps, “ssssseeee youuuuu boooooth ffffffoooooorrrr diiiiiinnnnnnerrrrrrr.”
She then pressed the play button on her recorder and a small, little girl’s voice echoed in the room before Mrs. Larson vanished up the steps.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
Then the door slammed shut.
“De… Tec… Tive…” Kate squeaked out, her breathing slowing.
“Stay awake, Blackwell,” I ordered her gently, looking around frantically for anything to get us both out of this alive, “I’ll get us out of this, I promise, just stay awake, we’ll get out of here, I just need-“
“I’m… S… Sorry…” she breathed out. “I’m… So… Sorry… For… Get… Getting… You… In… To.. This…”
“No, no, this is not your fault!” I assured her. “That psychotic bitch got us both into this shit and I won’t stop until I get us out and put her and her fucking sister are six feet under!”
“W…Wha… What… H… Hap… Happened… To… To L… Liam…?”
I stopped struggling with the chains and turned to look to Kate. Her head was turned to me, her face wet, hands clenching as hard as they could to the table beneath her, the light in her eyes slowly fading second by second. She was trying desperately to stay awake. The medication Mrs. Larson taking hold of her as the minutes ticked by.
I dropped the chains that were in my hands, looking away from her, wanting to stare at anything other than another person I had failed.
“He was killed,” I answered, “we were fishing at a lake nearby… Lake Gaagige… We got into a really stupid ass fucking fight about how which fishing pole we were going to use. I wanted to use our dad’s, but Liam was older and said only men could use dad’s fishing pole… I told him… To drop dead and stormed off… When I got home, my parents dragged me back to the lake and scolded me for leaving him…” I trailed off, swallowing all the tears and screams I’d bottled up since that day. “When… We found… Him… The autopsy… Said he was mauled by a bear… I’ve blamed myself for leaving him there alone… For letting him die and getting killed like that… The last thing I ever told him was to drop dead… I was a shitty brother and now I’m a shitty detective…”
“Is… Is he… Why… You became… A… Detective…?”
I took a deep breath and swallowed the tears again. “No, Blackwell,” I answered, “he’s not why I became a detective… I already knew what had killed him… It was my fault… If I hadn’t been such a brat and stormed off… He might still be alive… And now… What that bitch said…” I replayed Liam’s screams that escaped Mrs. Larson’s mouth. “I’m starting to think I’m getting what I deserve. Karma’s back to kick my ass…”
“H… How… Old…?”
“I was six… Liam was eight…”
“N… N… Not your… F… Fault…”
I turned to look to Kate, her eyes on mine, however faded.
“Y… You were… Only… A k… Kid…”
I took another intake of what little air there was down in that basement. I had spent years trying to convince myself of the same thing, but those moments never got easier for me when those thoughts returned.
“I think you’re just being nice,” I laughed painfully, “but I’m afraid I- and my folks- don’t share the same sentiment.”
I was staring down at where the chains were coming from in the ground, Kate not saying a word for over a couple of minutes. I spun to see if she had fallen asleep and immediately tried to find out how to wake her up again. However, once I our eyes met, I saw that she was still fighting sleep, the last of her tears rolling down across the bridge of her nose and into her hair.
“I… I… I had… Had a c… Crush… O… On… J… Jasper…” she confessed, her voice getting quieter and higher. “P… Paul and… And Son… Sonja knew… I never… Never c… Cared f… For Luke… But I’m… Sure… S… Sonja t… Told him…” she looked like she was going to sob again. “I… I never g… Got the… Ch… Chance… T… To tell J… Jasper… I… Was… Scared… He… He and… P… Paul were friends… And I… I kn… Knew… How P… Paul f… Felt… A… About m… Me… I… I did… Didn’t wa… Want to… R… Ruin… Anyth… Anything…” She took a gulp of air. “I… I ha… Hated L… Luke… I… A… Always… Kn… Knew… He… He was a… Player… B… But Sonja… Said… Said she was hap… Happy… So… So I did… Didn’t wa… Want to g… Get in… H… Her way… B… But Luke d… Didn’t l… Like h… How cl… Close… We… Were… I d… Didn’t w… Want him to make… Make her th… Think I… I was l… Leading her o… On… T… To get them… To b… Break up… Th… Then… That n… Night… Sh… She w… Wanted to… To leave…” She let out two pained gasps of breath. “I… I let them down… I let them all down… Luke pro… Probably thought… Thought I w… Was the one who… Who f… Filled Sonja’s mind… With thoughts of… Of him ch… Cheating… Th… Then I… I got them… All killed…
I… I didn’t deserve them, d… Detective…” she went on, looking away from me to stare up at the water damaged ceiling, “I… I… I was a… Terrible… Terrible friend…”
“Did you read their guest book entries?” I asked.
“N… No… D… Didn’t w… Want to… To r… Read any… Anything p… Private…” Kate answered.
“Jasper didn’t blame you,” I assured her, remembering what he had written in his entry during his time watching Mrs. Larson just outside the cabin, “even when he heard the voices- when he heard Mrs. Larson- telling him to, he didn’t. I don’t think the others blamed you either. You didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Blackwell, there’s no way you could have known any of this would happen.”
“K… Kate…”
“What?”
“C… Call… Call me… Kate…”
“Aright, Kate,” I let out what little laughter I had left inside me, “so long as we’re the last people we’ll be chatting with, call me Ryan.”
“R… Ryan…”
“If we at all live through this, I’m going to need a long vacation after this,” I said as I turned to look at my shackles again, looking around myself to try finding anything to Get free since a vacation sounded like something to die for at that moment, “do you know any good vacation spots I can book for the fall?”
“Y… You’re… You’re a… Dick…” Kate struggled to laugh.
“I also enjoy pineapple on pizza,” I winked as I reached down to my ankle, ready to break it just to taste that sweet combination of tomato sauce and fruit.
“G… God… I… I c… Can’t… Believe… I th… Thought y… You w… Were c… Cute…”
I sat down on the floor, grabbing my ankle with both my hands. Needing to hype myself up enough to do what I was going to do, I began removing my shoe and sock from the foot, rubbing and squeezing my way up and down the ankle to my toes. I had never broken a bone in my life before this and I definitely never thought I’d do it of my own volition, but this was a desperate time and it definitely called for desperate…
“Wait what?” I turned to look to Kate, finally registering what she had said.
However, just before I could be sure of what I heard, the sound of a hunting rifle going off just above our heads right before we heard the door to the basement swing open and immediately be slammed shut. Both Kate and I turned to see someone stumble down the wooden steps, his clothes torn and body scratched and cut to a nearly deadly degree. I was even shocked he was still breathing.
“M… Mr… R… Raines…?” Kate gasped out.
“What’s left of me at least,” Mr. Raines grumbled as he limped over to Kate and quickly began undoing her straps to the table, “damn thing almost ripped my head off, but one swing of the barrel to its eye and I was able to get away… Can’t say it didn’t do its damage though… I’m… Getting really fucking hungry…”
He shook his head violently before limping over to me. He then raised an eyebrow at me when he saw how I was positioned still on the floor with a bare foot in my hands shackled to the floor.
“I… I was… I… I thought you were-“ I stammered.
“I am,” Mr. Raines interrupted, “at least, I’m on my way there anyway.” He then retrieved my Glock from his back pocket. “I don’t know what that thing did to me, but I’m not gonna make it out of this alive, or the way I came in. It’s a massacre out there by the way. Lot of men in blue bodies out there… Very… Hard to ignore… Sure more will be on their way. So.”
With that, Mr. Raines pointed at my chains and pulled the trigger on my clock, barely giving me time to cover my ears as the sound rung out loudly in the basement. I shook my head, trying to undo the blurry and ringing side effects of the sound of a gun going off near your head. I gave the older man a glare before standing and snatching my Glock from his hands. That’s when I saw Kate shifting herself to the side of the metal table she was no longer tied to, trying to get her limbs to comply with her to help her off and on to the floor.
I ran over and grabbed her just as she nearly stumbled face first to the floor and lifted her up to her feet, her body heavy with lack of keeping herself up.
“Do you think you can walk?” I asked, trying to keep her on her feet.
“I… I don’t… I…” Kate stammered as she tried to push herself off of me while also using using me as a crutch until she could stand on her own. However, she didn’t seem to be able to put any kind of pressure on her legs without falling down.
“Kate?” A girl’s voice called out from above us.
Feeling Kate shudder, I realized that it must have been the sound of Sonja’s voice and Mrs. Larson was using her to keep Kate from running. I quickly swung my arm down behind her knees, pressing the other down on her back as I lifted her up off the floor, my Glock at the ready as I kept it pointed in front of me while my arm held up Kate’s knees.
“She must have heard the gunshots,” I pointed out, “how’d you get past her in the first place?”
“I set the other cabins on fire,” Mr. Raines answered as if it were the simplest of answers, “I had to distract her somehow and give those bodies she’d been eating a better fate than becoming her shit.”
“Are you planning on setting this place on fire too?” I asked.
“‘Course I am!” Mr. Raines exclaimed, seemingly offended I’d even ask. “I already doused it in gasoline, I ain’t wasting all that time!”
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice cried out, getting closer to the basement door. “Are you seriously leaving me here to die alone again!”
“Please… Make it… Stop…” Kate sniffed as she gripped my shirt and burying her face into the fabric.
“Let’s get you two out of here.” Mr. Raines began leading the way to the basement stairs, cocking his rifle as he did so.
“What about you?” I asked, immediately following after him.
Mr. Raines didn’t answer as he stomped up the stairs and kicked the door open to the first floor of the cabin. The stench of the gasoline he had spilled hitting me harshly in my face.
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice, along with a different crescendo of male voices shrieked out as Mrs. Larson appeared from the corner of the hallway where the basement was located.
“Leighton?” A different woman’s voice asked the moment the old woman’s eyes spotted Mr. Raines. I then watched in both shock and confusion as it almost looked like the very skin on the woman melted off to reveal a much younger woman. The woman I recognized as Bonnie Collins. “Leighton… Love is that you?”
Mr. Raines kept his rifle on the vision of the woman he once loved before her murder, but didn’t move or speak.
“Darling, I’ve missed you so much!” The fake Bonnie cried out as she began making her way to Mr. Raines with arms open wide to hug him.
Mr. Raines then lifted his gun up higher, placing his finger on the trigger which caused the vision to stop in her place.
“Leighton?” The fake Bonnie asked. “Baby, it’s me… Bun-Bun… Don’t you recognize me…?” She began to tear up.
“You’re not my Bunny,” Mr. Raines growled before he shot once at the woman.
The fake Bonnie swiftly dodged the bullet, an inhuman hiss coming from an unhinged mouth, revealing a row of long, sharp teeth. The skin of Bonnie then melted off to reveal another woman, a lot younger than the first one it intimidated. The face of one of the victims upon being brought on this case.
“Kate,” the fake Sonja called out, “Kate, what are you doing? Who are these men? Why are they trying to hurt me?”
Kate let out a sobbing gasp, her nails digging into my shoulder with her arm wrapped around my neck.
“Didn’t I suffer enough?” The fake Sonja asked. “First my boyfriend and now you? Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”
“Shut up!” Kate demanded. “You’re not Sonja! You killed her, you killed all of them! I don’t care what happens to me, but I’m not letting their memories end with you!”
Kate then snatched my Glock from my hand under her legs and shot directly at the fake Sonja’s head. Again the shot missed as the fake vision of the girl slithered out of the way, a frustrated growl of a dog and human escaping it’s mouth. It then zipped to the side, cowering with its back to us on the floor.
“Lucky dime…” A child’s voice then took over. The vision’s skin melting now to a much smaller figure. “Is this what you want? To kill me all over again?” He turned to look up at me, Liam’s face forever eight-years-old staring up at me. “It’s no wonder mommy and daddy hate you now… You were always a shitty brother… Now, I’m gonna starve to death because you’d rather help a couple of strangers.”
“I’m sorry, Liam,” I replied, everyone, including the fake Liam looking to me in surprise, “I left you alone out here and that’s what got you killed by that thing out there and I’m sorry. But, if I’d stayed it may have been both of us and then mom and dad would have no one left to blame but each other. If you had left and I was the one killed, you’d probably be in my shoes instead. I’m sorry for letting you get killed, but I’m gonna make up for it now.”
I then took my Glock back from Kate and pointed it to the vision of Liam.
“Good bye, Liam.”
I shot the gun once again, missing the creature again, however, this time I just kept shooting, Mr. Raines following after. Our different bullets just kept firing, the thing dodging and trying to get closer to us. The creature screeched out at us in a myriad of different voices both familiar and unknown. It wasn’t until one shot from my Glock struck the creatures shoulder and Mr. Raines’ rifle struck its head when the skins of everyone it was trying to turn into all melted off, revealing Mrs. Larson once again.
However, this time, she looked shriveled, older than she looked before. Her face looked deformed, beginning to grow furry, her eyes growing nothing but red, no irises, no pupils, just red. Her hair grew longer, branches like antlers growing painfully out from her skull, breaking the skin as they grew larger. The lower half of her face grew elongated, turning into that of a muzzle of fangs and a drooling mouth.
“You… All… Have no rrrrrrriiiiiight!” A different, unknown voice snarled out from what used to be Mrs. Larson. “People liiiiiike you all… Abandoned me and myyyyyyyyy sister!” The fur growing around this thing grew out short and shaggy, the cloths it was using melting off with the skin and flesh it was wearing. It now didn’t look anything like a human woman. It now took the form of a large wolf mixed with that of a deer, it’s body dog-like with hooves, antlers, and a long, scraggly tail. “You lot abandoned us here! You left us all here to diiiiiiiie!”
Guilt was weighing down on me with each syllable it was growling. Kate looked away from it, burying her face in my neck as Mr. Raines lowered his rifle.
“Nooooow, you’re bringing more here to just leave and let die out here!” It went on, it’s horrifying, broken body shuddering. “Why let them just vanish and die up here when they can bring people like my sister and I back? Give me Kate’s heart and fix what you threeeeeeeeee failed!”
Mr. Raines then handed over his rifle to Kate, placing it down on her stomach as her hands were still wrapped around my neck. The older man made his way over to stand over the thing, its neck creaking like a rusted door as it turned its wolf-like head to look up at him.
“Leighton…” Bonnie’s voice came from the creature. “Give mmmmeeeee her heart aaaannnnd we can be togetherrrrr again… If you eat the deeeeeetective’s we can saaaaaave you tooooooo…”
“My Bunny’s dead,” Mr. Raines told it as he dug in his pocket and took out a carton of matches, “and so am I.”
“You’d burn your wife?” A mix of Bonnie and Mrs. Larson’s voices shrieked as it glared at the match he took from the match box.
“You’re not my wife,” Mr. Raines told it, “and I’ll never see her again.”
“Fooooooool,” Mr. Larson’s voice chuckled, “you’llllllll killllllll us both!”
“With the shit I’ve done in my life, I know you’re taking me to Hell with you,” Mr. Raines growled back as he struck the match on the box, “so I’m sure as fuck not afraid to burn here on Earth with you!”
Mr. Raines then dropped the match to the floor right before the creature and everything around the two of them immediately went up in flames, the fur of the creature catching quickly and engulfing it. An agonized shriek echoed out all around us, the creature thrashing in the fire it had gotten swallowed up in. Mr. Raines then grabbed it by it’s long, furry throat and swung it down back flat the floor, jumping to pin it down.
“Get out!” Mr. Raines cried out to me. “Leave here!”
Not needing to be told twice, I held onto Kate tightly and bolted past the two burning bodies, jumping over the fire as it began growing fast throughout the cabin. I quickly got to the front door and stopped to look back to see Mr. Raines fighting the creature and preventing it from coming after us, it begging for me to bring Kate back and that it would die without her.
“I’ll clear your name,” I called back, trying not to reel back in horror as I saw Mr. Raines skin begin to melt off, “I’ll let people know you didn’t kill Bonnie!”
“I’ll let people know you didn’t… Kill… Liam!” Mr. Raines’ voice called back, him thrashing around with Mrs. Larson as he said my brother’s name in my voice.
I turned back and kicked the front door open, rushing Kate out of the burning cabin. I ran until I got far enough from the smoke, turning back to see all three cabins now on fire, the area around them all ablaze. The only place untouched was Mrs. Larson’s house, all the evidence remaining. I could hear sirens in the distance coming closer. The sounds of shouts from the surviving officers sounding much closer.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
I looked to the front porch of Mrs. Larson’s house where her recorder continued to call out for her sister. I set Kate down at the base of a nearby tree and ran to snatch the recorder, shutting it off. I searched around, looking for any signs of Prudence, but it appeared that the fire and the sounds of sirens and voices had scared her off. I ran back to Kate, her eyes closed and her not responding to me calling to her, but after checking her pulse and breathing, I found that the medication Mrs. Larson had given her had finally taken over and she was now fast asleep, the rifle Mr. Raines gave her still sitting on her rhythmically rising and falling stomach.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I leaned against the same tree I set Kate down on and slid down to the ground next to her. The first two cabins were already practically nothing but ash, the last still blazing as I heard the slowly fading screams of Mrs. Larson and Mr. Raines coming from inside.
When the screaming ended all together, the smoke turning blacker as it rose from the flames, I got to my feet and took out my pack of cigarettes as I approached the fires, staying far enough away not to get burned. I opened the pack up before stopping myself as I reached for one of the ten remaining cigarettes inside. I then flung the entire carton into the fires without taking one.
“Save one for me down there, you old bastard,” I told Mr. Raines before making my way back to Kate’s side.
It wasn’t long before the remaining officers found us, looking in confusion at the fires and to me with a sleeping victim in a homicide case on the ground. I told them we’d need to call an ambulance for Kate and that we needed to keep the flames from getting to Mrs. Larson’s house as it held evidence on the case. One officer retrieved his radio and called for an ambulance while a group ran to the house and another went to try controlling the fire as best they could by yanking out any bushes near by and throwing them away from the area around the house.
Luckily, the fire trucks were called long before the fire spread too far, residence noticing it practically the moment Mr. Raines set the first cabin on fire.
As I sat there, keeping Kate held up against the tree we sat under, I listened to the crackling of the fire, the sirens of fast approaching fire trucks and the ambulance, and the sounds of distance, coyote, almost human, howling.

The name of Count Aurel de Rune was known to many across the globe. And yet, the details of who exactly that person was have always been veiled in shadows. Some talked of him as a misunderstood and charitable figure, others talked of his reputation as the world’s most beautiful man. Some were afraid to even utter his name, as if it was an ill omen, while the more skeptical minds believed that his existence was nothing, but a folk tale. And of course there were those for whom only one thing really mattered - the fact that he was a vampire.
Of course, for most people vampires stopped being the stuff of legends centuries ago, when the ghouls first walked out of the shadows. Little did they know that this one seemingly inconsequential decision would ultimately lead to the annihilation of their species. No one really knew now, but with time more and more deceased vampire bodies began appearing all over the world. And now, centuries later, there was only one left alive. The only being, who knew of where did they really come from, how different was their life, their culture, and why did they all die.
To say that Count Aurel was reclusive would be an understatement. Not a single public appearance for almost a century, no photographs, no voice recordings. Only rumors, eye witnesses accounts and portraits, most of which were diluted in the sea of fakes. His manor stood far away from the human civilization, surrounded by dense woods, on top of a hill, in the northern region of Transylvania. Not much else was known about his personal life. Did he live alone? How did he spend his time inside those walls? What was he like?
It sure seemed like it was going to remain like that until his inevitable death, alone in that manor, if it hadn’t happened already. Until the record of a public letter began to spread on the internet. A picture of a handwritten note found on a front porch of postal office in Transylvania. An invitation to spend one week in the manor, alone with the count, and interview him about his life directed to a person who no one has ever heard of. It didn’t take too long for news programs to crack the identity of this person - a small-time journalist from the United States that publishes their pieces on an online blog.
How did he even learn about them? And what made them so special? Well… That’s something they will have to ask him themselves.
——————
Hi everyone!
Back at it again, looking for an RP partner, who could help me bring to life this gothic story of a young unknown journalist invited to spend one week and interview the world’s last living vampire. Who is that journalist? Why are they so special? Why now and what caused the demise of all other vampires? I have some ideas, but nothing set in stone. Thus, your feedback and contributions would be very much appreciated.
I was careful to keep the description of your character as obscure as possible on purpose. Their sex, age, ethnicity, personality… all of that is up to you. And of course there’s the question of their eventual intimacy with the vampire. It is not required by any means, but I expect that sooner or later in the absolutely majority of the stories they would end up having sex at least once. Now, as I said before, it’s not required. But if that’s something you’d like to avoid, I’d like to hear of an alternative vision of their relationship from you.
In terms of my play-style, I do like taking things relatively slow. Not to the point that it becomes boring, but slow enough to let the characters develop natural chemistry. (password: Sauvignon) Plus, we can always add just a sprinkle of some naughty stuff to spice up the scenes. I tend to write medium-length responses, about 2-4 paragraphs long. I can write more, but prefer not to, as it tends to have a negative impact on how dynamic the rp is.
It is also very important for me that my partner is literate and can write at least two paragraphs. I do have a preference for third person, but I don’t mind first either. I will probably ask you to provide an example of your writing early on - just letting you know in advance.
Another matter that I’d like to emphasize is my attachment to visual references. Characters, locations, clothing, props even… We will still write thorough descriptions, but references are a necessity for me. Could be pictures of real life celebrities or well drawn pieces of art, I don’t really mind either. But there must be something.
Alrighty, that should be all, for now. Reach out if you are interested — DMs only! Please, no one-liners. Let me know who you are, what you like, what you want and why did you like this prompt. And don’t forget the password~
When it comes to the RP itself, I only play on Discord.

Introduction
In the world of online learning and selling, you need a platform that helps you sell both digital and physical products easily. A good Learning Management System can make this process simple, save you money, and improve customer experience. In this article I wrote what features to look for in an LMS and introduced a great option, EzyCourse.
Key Features of a Good LMS for Selling Products
Easy to Use
An LMS should be simple to use. This helps you create and manage courses and products without any trouble. A clear layout helps users find what they need quickly.
E-commerce Features
To sell both digital and physical products, an LMS should have:

• Product Listings: Easily create and manage product listings with details, pictures, and prices.
• Payment Options: Support different payment methods for easy buying.
• Inventory Management: Track stock levels and manage orders for physical products.

Simple Checkout
A simple and secure checkout process helps reduce the number of abandoned carts. Customers should be able to buy products easily.
Marketing Tools
Marketing tools can help boost sales. Features like discount codes, promotions, and email marketing keep customers interested.
Reports and Insights
Good reporting and insights help you understand sales and customer behavior. This includes details about product sales, revenue, and customer demographics.
Selling Digital Products with an LMS
Digital products like eBooks, software, and online courses are popular because they are cheap to make and can be delivered instantly. A good LMS for digital products should have:

• Instant Delivery: Automatically deliver digital products after purchase.
• Download Management: Securely manage product downloads to prevent unauthorized access.
• Content Protection: Protect your content with features like watermarking and access controls.

Selling Physical Products with an LMS
For selling physical products, an LMS should provide:

• Shipping Integration: Real-time shipping rates and tracking with shipping carriers.
• Order Management: Tools to manage orders, print shipping labels, and handle returns.
• Customer Notifications: Automated notifications for order updates and delivery.

EzyCourse: A Great LMS Solution
EzyCourse is great for selling both digital and physical products.
Easy to Use
EzyCourse is designed to be simple. Its dashboard is easy to navigate, making it easy to create and manage courses and products.
E-commerce Features
EzyCourse has strong e-commerce features. It allows you to list products easily and manage them well. It supports different payment gateways for secure transactions.
Simple Checkout
EzyCourse offers a smooth and secure checkout process, which helps reduce abandoned carts.
Marketing Tools
EzyCourse provides marketing tools like discount codes and email marketing, helping you promote products and engage customers.
Reports and Insights
EzyCourse offers detailed reports and insights, helping you understand sales and customer behavior.
Selling Digital Products
EzyCourse is great for managing digital products. It ensures instant delivery, secure downloads, and content protection.
Selling Physical Products
EzyCourse integrates with shipping carriers for real-time shipping rates and tracking. It also offers tools to manage orders, print shipping labels, and handle returns. Automated customer notifications keep buyers informed.
Conclusion
In the world of online learning and selling, an LMS that supports both digital and physical products is important. Platforms like EzyCourse offer great features and are easy to use, making them ideal for businesses that want to streamline their operations and improve customer experience. If you can choose the right LMS, you can manage your products efficiently, save money, and achieve success.

Dunno how it works with Deliveroo/Uber, but this just happened to me today :
I get a delivery for a supermarket. Bit far but the drop off makes me come back, so it's not bad. I arrive, the staff tells me "we already gave that order to another rider". I look and my app says I've got part 4/4 which means there was a 1/4, 2/4 and 3/4 and I guess one dude took it all? I kindly explained to the staff that they're not supposed to give it all to one guy when that happens and contacted support.
Support tells me "we'll contact the other rider and if they confirm they took it all we'll pay you". Ok, but I know for a fact they won't pay me the whole order, they will do a prorata based on distance to the pick up even though I'm super far away and going back home makes me go through the drop off location anyway.
So I head back home and decide to stop by the drop off anyway see if I can catch the rider. Another fun fact about Stuart here: you cannot sign up with a moped or a car. Only bike and e-bike. You know it, 90% of Stuart riders have a moped and nobody gives a fuck. So I'm half expecting to see a car parked with a guy unloading 6 heavy bags.
Welp, there was nobody, but I decided to ring the customer anyway just in case. She was super nice and helpful and I made sure to be polite and professional, she basically told me 3 riders already came by and she was expecting a 4th one, but we figured that she indeed had everything she'd ordered so no problem.
Still no answer from support, who eventually tells me "the other rider is not answering". I tell them there's 3 other riders and good luck finding which one came last and left nothing for me, the 4th one. It really would've been smarter of them just to ask the client if they got everything, but anyway they tell me "we're releasing you and you'll be paid". I asked to be paid in full but fully expect that I won't be even though this entire thing cost me almost double the amount of time I'd have spent on the delivery.
Now if I'd found this famous rider, I can already guess what they would've told me. They would've told me they didn't know and the store just gave them the stuff and they took it. And if I'd gone back to the store I already know what they would've said. They would've said they had no idea there was one last rider and not to give everything to the 3rd guy.
The only cue is this 1/4, 2/4, 3/4, and 4/4 thing. But it sucks. The store is not told to divide the order in 4 parts beforehand and label each part, they just have a bunch of bags and then a guy arrives, his app says "3/4" and the staff has no idea wtf is going on. Then another guy "1/4" arrives, then "4/4" and at this point they are so confused they have no idea what to do so they just give everything because fuck it, the guy can clearly handle all of it he's on a moped (or a car). Then "2/4" guy arrives and everyone's even more confused. This system sucks.
I know this is about Stuart but I had to rant somewhere 🤣
Next time I'm taking a picture of the goddamn floor to validate pick up, going to the customer, and taking another picture of the pavement to validate drop off, and moving on with my day. Clown support is useless.

The music and production of this song is an absolute banger. Omg…the music kinda reminds me of “Bad Guy”. It gives the same energy. I just like to picture myself singing and losing myself in the moment on stage with the fans (as if I’m the singer). I love these types of songs of hers. I call them “Blosh” . They give me this feeling of “popstar entertaining a crowd on stage” or a sense of attitude/ sassiness. Makes me want to be cheeky and bold which isn’t really like me in real life(so they sorta bring me out of my comfort zone). Like I just want to dance and move my body to the rhythm... Lose myself in the song without concentrating on my movement.…like just feeling alive and maybe a little naughty XD. Hope you get what I mean...These songs of hers are the total opposite of songs like “what was I made for” or “ilomilo” or “lovely “. They are ethereal , emotional, soft, angelic and melancholic even
These two different playslist(genre)of hers makes me think I have different personalities 😆
Anyway as I was saying...it’s crazy how I wanna dance and scream to this song talking about my stalker 😰😬😆what a weird feeling
Sorry about the ramble and if I’ve made mistakes in my English ;)

So, I was just minding my own business, doing the dishes, when I stumbled upon this mysterious creature in my sink. At first, I thought it was some kind of alien life form sent to spy on us. It's about 5-6 cm long, has gills, and an elongated slim body. No tail, no head, just chilling there like it owns the place.
Naturally, I did what any sane person would do—I grabbed my phone and took a picture. Because if something's gonna drag me into the abyss, I at least want the internet to know about it.
Here's the pic:
https://files.fmxubguju3g9
what do you think? Did I accidentally discover a new species?

[INDEX]
I banked the fire and stared into the golden eyes of Beatale before I crept into my makeshift tent.
I still had my auric vision running and couldn’t help but notice the thin silver cord that ran from me to Horse. Firming up my aura, I reached out with my hand and grabbed it. I could feel the nearly imperceptible vibration between my fingers as I used my mind to probe at the thread. I could feel a bright spark of intellect, a light at the end of a tunnel. Pushing with my mind, I slid down the thread until the spark grew larger and eventually filled my inner vision with a hazy white light. Horsey thoughts nudged at me curiously.
I slid into the haze and immediately lost all sense of direction. If it wasn’t for the silver thread, I’d have no idea how to exit this shifting white fog. Horsey thoughts got stronger as I followed the thread while the haze thinned and cleared to reveal an endless prairie of green grass. I found myself standing before a naked man wearing a horse mask and I stared in shock. It was obviously me wearing a cheap costume horse mask — there was no mistaking my tattoos.
“What did you expect?” Horse neighed at me. “I am you and you are me and we are all together. Goo goo ga joob.”
Horse made a shooing motion with his hands and I accelerated backwards through the white haze and slammed into my own body with a gasp. I stared at the tarp overhead for a long minute, processing this new revelation. Horse was a part of me, a piece of my spirit. Whatever psychic stuff I did with that silver cord lead me into a house of mirrors where I got to look at myself pretending to be a horse. I can’t even deal with that right now.
Rolling into my blankets, I dropped off to sleep.
*Ding*
-=- - Welcome to the Dreamworld - Included in the Psychic Skills pack, the Inner Sanctum is your psychic domain. It is the mental fortress that you must secure and maintain to defend against psychic and spiritual assaults. All of your neurosis and fears are symbolised in this realm and must be defeated or subjugated before you can become master of the domain. Good luck. -=-
I banished the pop-up and looked around. I knew I was asleep, but everything was just as real as when I was awake. I was breathing, I could feel the floor under my feet, and if it weren’t for the pop-up, I would have sworn I had been teleported. The room I was in resembled an oversized luxury prison cell, maybe a thirty foot cube. No windows. Rough stone walls with thick mortar. Large brass wall sconces were set directly into the stone and suffused the room with a warm, golden light provided by glowing rocks. The stone floor had colourful Persian rugs tastefully placed. A high plaster ceiling was painted with a rendition of Michelangelo’s ‘Creation of Adam’, depicting me as both Adam and God.
There was a comfy sofa in front of a large screen television that hung from one wall and an ornate grandfather clock ticked loudly in the corner. It was currently 10:08 PM. Another wall was a floor to ceiling bookshelf, stuffed with books of varying sizes. The third wall was covered with pictures and I could see at a glance that they were images from my life. The fourth wall had a thick riveted steel door on the right side, a full sized mirror on the left, and a computer workstation in the middle.
The picture wall was my first target. A few were quite large, nearly life sized, while others were tiny prints no larger than the palm of my hand. Scenes of my life were displayed in each one. The largest was me riding Horse with a shit-scared expression, shooting at a pack of wolves. Others were smaller, each with different frames. Some ornate gold or silver, others plain wood, a few wrapped in briars or barbed wire. Nanny Ramsey holding me as a young child. My dog Jean with a red ball in his mouth. My parents, screaming at me. I turned my attention to the books. Books are safe. Books don’t judge you.
The sweet, musty scent of a used book store filled my nostrils as I drew close to the honey coloured shelves. Hundreds of volumes filled the wall from floor to ceiling, with a ladder that could be rolled along a rail to access the top. I smiled at the sight. I had always wanted a library like this. I pulled a book at random and read the title, “Confused Fantasies about Joseph Harris, part XXIV of the Middle School Years”.
I slid the book back onto the shelf. Let’s see what’s on TV.
The remote was a slim, futuristic looking affair with a minimum of buttons. I pointed it at the television and moments later the huge screen came to life and presented me with a simple menu for movies, divided into six categories: Happy, Surprised, Afraid, Disgusted, Angry, and Sad. I scrolled through the offerings for a minute, reading the titles and reviews about the movies of my life. It really bothered me that there were so few selections in the Happy section.
The number of Sad movies increased by one.
I walked over to the mirror and noticed there was a small sticky note pasted to it. “Astral Realm. Experienced users only.” I shoved the note in my pocket and stared at my image. Sturdy black boots, black denim jeans and shirt with mother-of-pearl buttons, deep brown gun belt slung at my hip, red bandanna and black felt hat. All I needed was a pencil moustache and I would look like the stereotypical villain in any spaghetti western. At that very moment I decided to grow out a goatee. I’d rather be mistaken for a bad guy than a victim.
So how does this astral realm thing work?
The mirror appeared to be nothing more than a mirror. It was cold, smooth glass surrounded by a wrought iron frame, and reflected my image. I didn’t necessarily want to go walking into danger, but I wanted to know how it worked. I pushed and prodded the glass in frustration until I noticed my image grinning at me. I jumped back in surprise and it doubled over in silent laughter.
“Hilarious, dude. You got me,” I huffed. “So how do I get in?”
My mirror-self tipped his hat and stepped to side.
I reached up to the mirror again and my hand passed through, vanishing as if cut off. Okay, just a quick peek and we’ll explore the rest of the room. I stepped through and the world shifted around me. I was standing back at the campsite. My body was insubstantial as a ghost and the tarp was a wisp of substance running straight through me. Non living things don’t seem to have much presence in this realm. Glancing down, I saw my sleeping body rolled up in the blankets, a thin silver thread running from it to me, and another thread running to Horse.
Looking around, I surveyed the campsite. My astral vision seemed to be on and had an unlimited range. I could see the life all around me, the distant forest was a sea of greenish-gold, grasses and brush nearby glowed with spectral light. Tiny ghost insects scurried while ghost mice nibbled at whatever ghost mice nibble on. Ghost seeds and ghost insects, I suppose. I turned my attention overhead and gaped at the sight of a monstrous serpentine spirit flying through the inky void. I dropped back through the tent and rolled inside my body. That was plenty enough for now.
I rolled through the mirror and landed flat on my back, staring at the fresco on the ceiling. Vinnie-God winked at me and Vinnie-Adam grinned. Climbing to my knees, I brushed non-existent dust from my trousers and watched mirror-me doubled over in soundless laughter.
“Hey, laughing-boy!” I yelled at him. “You’re like the guardian or something, right? You got it covered?”
Mirror-me stood and saluted with a smile, then gave me two thumbs up. A moment later, his face took on a serious expression and he wriggled his right hand in the ‘maybe’ motion. Then he pointed at me, tapped his wrist, and then a finger to his head.
It all depends on how fast I learn stuff, I guess.
Two thumbs up and a winning smile reflected back to me.
A large cork board was mounted to the wall over the computer and a small note was pinned to it. “Note to self: Don’t fuck with the Elvish womens.”
The computer screen featured a screensaver of me as Vitruvian Man doing callisthenics over the words ‘HumanOS’. I tapped the spacebar and was rewarded with the sound of powerful fans kicking to life as the computer emerged from sleep mode and prompted me for a password. Should I assume it’s the same as the password on the computer I pawned in my previous life?
Password: *******esi
I was rewarded with a sweet R&M desktop and a couple of icons. System, NeuralNet, My-Tunes, My-Movies, My-Office.
System was just what I expected, lots of .dna files and other confusing scariness that allowed me to tweak my physical body and mental state. My-Tunes was a collection of every song I’d ever heard and My-Movies was a collection of every movie I’d ever seen. Not that I’m complaining, but it would have been nice to have “My-Games” so I could play RDR. My-Office was a clone of the popular software by a similar name. I have no idea what I’ll ever need a spreadsheet for in this world.
NuralNet opened up a search engine called Me-Seeks, featuring a familiar blue guy.
I typed in “beer” and several thousand results were displayed, anything I’d ever read, heard, or watched about beer, including how to make it. This right here made the price of admission totally worth it, access to an exact copy of everything I’d ever read, and I was a voracious reader. Sadly, most of the stuff I read was futurology — solar panels, electronics, biotech advancements, quantum computing. The material for steam engines, blacksmithing, farming and the like, were slim pickings. That’s okay though, I could still reproduce the Gutenberg press, the cotton gin, simple internal combustion engines, and basic batteries along with some sketchy knowledge of metal alloys, acids, bases, and other things I had read over the years. All that wasted time watching “How Things Work” was finally going to pay off. I copied a few likely money makers to My-Office, saved the file, and exported to my Notes, just in case they didn’t exist on Aerth.
A popup covered the screen.
📱 [New Upgrade Available!] 📱
🎉 Enhance Your Experience with the Latest HumanOS Features! 🎉
🌟 Features Include:

• 🧠 Memory Booster: Increase your Memory for smoother multitasking and improved performance.
• 🔋 Energy Optimizer: Extend your battery life with advanced power-saving techniques.
• 🛠️ Utility Upgrades: Access new apps and utilities to enhance your daily life and adventures.
• 🗺️ Advanced Mapping: Never get lost again with enhanced GPS and location tracking.

🔥 Special Offer: Only 2000 credits for version 2.0 or 5000 credits for version 3.0! 🔥
[Upgrade Now ✅] [Remind Me Later ❌]
Apparently I could upgrade myself, which reduced the cost of using my Utilities while providing other minor benefits. My Utilities would level up as I used them, which would increase their battery cost, so if I didn’t keep pace with an update to the OS they could become prohibitively expensive to operate.
Stupid pay-to-win world.
So, do I pay 2000 credits for version 2.0 or 5000 credits for version 3.0?
I selected version 3.0 and klicked [Install]. After watching it download the update, it popped up another screen that asked if I wanted to update now, or wait until Midnight for the mandatory update.
I selected [No] just as the grandfather clock chimed 10:30 PM. I wondered if time ran slower in here, because it seemed like I had spent a lot more time on the computer than 15 minutes. Walking over to the imposing steel door, I noticed a bronze key with a thin chain in the lock. There was another sticky note on the door. “Subconscious. Please keep the key with you at all times.”
That’s not scary at all, is it?
I unlocked the door with a loud clunk and pulled it open to reveal a bedroom straight out of some royal castle. I could tell immediately that it had seen better days. The tapestries on the wall were frayed and fading. The canopy over the bed had a few holes in it. A thin layer of dust covered the mantle of a small fireplace set into the wall. There was a window letting in bright sunlight and I moved over to look outside.
I was on the third floor of a keep surrounded by the walls and turrets of a modest castle. A castle that had fallen into serious disrepair. Did this represent the state of my inner mind? One tower was shattered and the curtain wall under it damaged. The lower bailey was full of litter. I could see a few soldiers walking around the allure, keeping watch.
I have people in my subconscious?
Someone behind me cleared their throat.
Whirling, I discovered a familiar old man standing in the door of the bedroom. What was left of his hair formed a white halo around his head, his face was unshaven and covered with several days of growth. He was dressed like a poor and tattered manservant, but carried himself with a dignified air.
“Woodhouse?”
“It’s nice to see the master at home,” He said with a proper English accent. “There are many matters that require the master’s attention.”
“Uh, sure,” I said, hanging the key around my neck and tucking it in my shirt. “And who are you again?”
“Your personal manservant, of course” he said with a slight bow. Walking over to the steel door, he pulled it closed and it locked with a solid thunk. “Master should always keep his inner sanctum closed. One never knows if something nasty will creep in.”
“Thank you, uh, Woodhouse. I’ll remember that,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “So what needs tending and how do things work around here?”
He smiled and beckoned me with a white gloved hand. “If master would be so kind as to follow me, I’ll introduce him to the staff and explain the duties and obligations of his domain.”
I’m 99.9% certain that everyone here is just me wearing a mask, so I shrugged and followed Woodhouse out of the bedroom and into the rest of my subconscious.
Five minutes later I was on the ground floor and seated on a shabby throne with the cast of a popular —and probably very copyright protected— animation in front of me. Woodhouse was the head butler and my personal manservant. Pam was the cook and demanded that I start importing sugar and alcohol before she was shushed by Woodhouse. Carol was a maid. Krieger was chancellor and Cyril was the steward. Archer and Lana were in charge of security. Ray was the marshal in charge of everything from the stables to the blacksmith.
I stared in disbelief at the motley crew kneeling in front of me. No wonder my inner mind was in such shambles. I was overcome with an irrational sense of anger at myself.
“Arright, listen up,” I barked, my voice echoing around the room. “I swear to God that I will fire every single one of you and hire circus clowns to replace you if you keep fucking things up. No joke. Circus clowns, got it?”
I ran a hand over my face as Ray pissed himself. “The only reason I’m not putting a boot in your asses right now is because I realise that you’re aspects of me, and the people you represent are pretty damn good at their jobs when they give enough of a shit to actually do them. As a team, you’re dysfunctionally fantastic and always seem to come out ahead no matter the odds.”
Heaving a sigh, I continued. “Things have changed and I need to get my shit together. I’m going to need every one of you to pull your weight and help me help you. Get back to your duties, I’ll meet you one on one later.”
My subconscious caretakers scurried out of the room.
“I’ll have one of the maids tend to the piss,” Woodhouse assured me.
“Never mind that,” I snapped. “I honestly had no idea my mind was such a shit show. I’m very disappointed in myself.” I pictured the Angry, Sad, and Disgusted counters on my personal movies clicking up. “Show me what needs to be done and let’s get started.”
During Woodhouse’s walking tour, everything clicked into place. This was some altered version of Bodiam castle, a location that was on my bucket list of places to visit. The royal council room, located behind the throne room, contained a “living” tapestry on the wall that showed the castle and surrounding land in real time. The castle was located in the middle of a small lake, and a single wood bridge led to the mainland. A small town surrounded the lake and a wall encircled the town. Outside the wall, the land was an irregular patchwork of forest and field, with a stinking swamp to the south. The entire “kingdom” was maybe ten miles across, surrounded by impassable mountains with innumerable creeks that fed the lake which drained into the southern swamp.
“Zombies are the problem, sir.” Woodhouse said, as I surveyed the living tapestry of my mental domain.
“Zombies?” I prompted.
“Yes sir, Zombies” Woodhouse continued. “Nasty bitey things that come in from the mountains and harass the peasants. They’ve gotten especially worse over the last few months. The soldiers do what they can, but they seem to have lost all motivation. Probably because they haven’t been paid.”
“And who pays them?”
“Typically chancellor Krieger is in charge of financial matters, although Steward Figgis has taken over the duty, sir.”
“Then let’s make Figgis our first stop.”
“Very good, sir.”
The office of the steward was run by Cyril Figgis, who managed the kingdom in my absence. It was overflowing with paperwork and charts, books and scrolls piled high on every flat surface. Cyril was desperately attempting to tidy things when Woodhouse and I walked in.
“Yo..you..your majesty,” Cyril stuttered, bowing low. Scrolls fell from his overloaded arms, spilling across the floor. He dropped to his knees and scrambled to gather them up. “I didn’t expect you to visit so soon. Please forgive the mess, housekeeping has been slacking…”
This was the guy who ran things while I was conscious.
“Shut up, Cyril” I said. “You’re responsible for everything in this office. That includes keeping it organised and tidy.”
“Y..yes milord.”
“It’s my understanding that you’re in charge of making sure everyone gets paid. So why aren’t we paying people?” I asked.
“We’re nearly out of Fuks, your majesty. I’ve been saving them for emergencies.”
“Fucks?”
“Fuks,” Cyril explained, pushing a pile of books off a large chest and opening it. Reaching inside he pulled out two small bags and emptied them on top of his cluttered desk. “Gold and Silver Fuks, the currency of the kingdom. I can’t maintain the kingdom when I have no Fuks to give.”
Behold the subconscious kingdom of Vincent J. Carter, it runs on Fuks.
“So how do I get more fuks?” I asked, examining one of the coins. It had an image of me on one side and symbol on the other that could be interpreted as “peace among worlds”.
“You kill the zombies, your majesty.”
Of course I do.
Woodhouse and I left Cyril’s office and headed towards the office of the chancellor where Krieger worked. It seemed that Cyril took over financial matters when Krieger became erratic and proposed luring all the zombies into the city and setting it on fire. Not sure how that corresponds to my own self-destructive behaviour, but I’ve had some dark thoughts over the last couple of months and I’m sure they’re reflected here.
Krieger’s office was much neater in comparison to Cyril’s, but it wasn’t by much. Shelves lined the walls and were filled with an array of questionable items, including a still snapping zombie head in a jar. While the office of the chancellor was supposed to be in charge of financial matters, it looked more like a dodgy rummage sale.
Krieger was launching sword blades at a pig carcass when we walked in.
“What exactly are you doing?” I asked, standing in the doorway.
“Hm? Oh, your majesty!” he said, turning around and bowing deeply. “I’m testing a new invention. It’s a spring loaded hilt that shoots sword blades. Very useful for our soldiers.”
“Stupidest idea ever,” I snapped. “I hate everything about it.”
“Okay,” Krieger said, tossing the hilt into a nearby pile of junk. “But don’t blame me when you need to shoot a sword at a zombie and don’t have one.”
“So why aren’t you managing the financial affairs? Collecting taxes, paying people, stuff like that?”
“Because the population has declined so much none of that matters?”
“What do you mean?”
“Wellll, the population represents things you care about,” Krieger said, going into lecture mode. “And the zombies and other monsters are real or imagined problems in your way. Since you don’t care about too many things the population has shrunk to just what’s needed to keep everything running on the bare minimum of fuks. And since you don’t seem to have any long or short term goals, there’s no need to kill off the zombies and get more fuks. Everything is fine just the way it is.”
“No, it’s not Krieger” I said, grinding my teeth. “My mind is in a shambles. It’s a joke. I want it fixed. No, I want it better than fixed. I want it improved.”
“Oh! I’ve got just the thing for that!” He said, digging around in his pockets, “It’s a spring-loaded hilt that shoots swords!”
Pam and Cheryl were hanging out a gallery window jeering at Archer and Lana sparring in the inner courtyard.
“What the hell are you doing!” I snapped
They whirled in surprise and then dropped into deep curtseys.
“Your majesty!”
I took a deep breath, trying to regain my centre. “Get to work cleaning this place up. Find a room, clean it, and move on to the next. Start with my bedroom, then the throne room and the council chamber, then everything else.”
Cheryl spoke up. “Can’t do it. We got no fuks to clean with.”
“You need fuks to clean?”
“Gotta buy stuff,” Pam said. “Cleaning supplies, food. You wanna eat, you’re gonna have to spend some fuks.”
“Talk to Cyril,” I ordered. “Tell him I said to get you supplied.”
They ran off in the direction of the stewards office.
I watched Archer and Lana bashing each other enthusiastically through the window.
Several minutes later the sparring couple stopped and bowed when Woodhouse and I stepped into the inner courtyard.
“Your majesty”
“My liege”
“Enough,” I said. “If you have enough energy to smash each other, you have enough energy to smash zombies. Tell me what I need to know so I can start gathering fuks.”
Archer shrugged and spoke first. “You just kill the zombies and other monsters. They drop fuks.”
“Anything special about the zombies?” I asked. “Are they fast? Do people get turned into zombies when bitten?”
“Nope,” Lana said, resting her wooden sword on her shoulder. “Most of them are slow shamblers and just need a good wack to the head to kill them.”
“Some are special,” Archer interjected. “Occasionally you’ll have some fast ones, or those that need holy water to kill. They’re just bad memories, figments of your personality that need to be eliminated. Some are worse than others.”
“The zombies are bad memories?” I asked, imagining all the bad memories that I had.
“Memories, thoughts, insecurities, metaphysical mumbo-jumbo,” Woodhouse supplied. “They are endless, but constant vigilance can keep them under control.”
“So let’s get started,” I said. “Lead the way.”
Lana and Archer lead me up to the parapet over the front gate where I looked over at the dozens of zombies milling about aimlessly in front of the entrance to my mind. Pulling out my gun, I began to pick them off, easy as shooting fish in a barrel. The crack of my spell pistol attracted more zombies and I dispatched them with ease until no more were left around the gate. As I fired each shot I could feel some sort of existential energy flowing from me, draining some hidden reserve.
“Gather up the Fuks,” I commanded. “And Lana?”
“Mi’lord?”
“There’s no excuse for this. From now on, I expect the walls to be clear of all zombies.”
“Yes mi’lord,” she said, giving me a small bow.
Turning to Archer, I shook my head. “You’re obviously my personal narcissism, so just try to stay out of Lana’s way, or better yet - try to kill more zombies than her. If you think you can.”
Archer scoffed. “No contest. I took top marks in sharpshooting.”
“That means I should expect to see results by tomorrow. I look forward to it.”
Archer looked panicked for a moment then smiled. “Sure, I can give you results.”
Turning back to Woodhouse I said “Show me what else need attending.”
Woodhouse led me through the town that represented my mind, pointing out each business that had fallen into disrepair, suggested others that needed improvements, and additions that would benefit me. In the distance, I could hear Lana and Archer shooting at the crowd of zombies and with each echoing shot I felt a tiny bit better about everything.
[INDEX]

Scab on Cat foot https://imgur.com/a/3rPVbSi
Hello, my 7 month old domestic shorthair tabby kitten has a scab on his back left foot. I only noticed it because I picked him up. He doesn’t seem to limp or be in pain. I have a picture but I don’t know how to attach it.
• ⁠Species: domestic shorthair cat
• ⁠Age: 7 months
• ⁠Sex/Neuter status: male, neutered
• ⁠Breed: tabby
• ⁠Body weight: idk
• ⁠History: up to date on vaccines
• ⁠Clinical signs: N/A
• ⁠Duration: unsure
• ⁠Your general location: PNW
• ⁠Links to any test results, X-rays, vet reports etc. that you have: link to image of scab. https://imgur.com/a/3rPVbSi