Deep down I knew I don’t need permission or confirmation that my mother is generally malignant and the ultimate source of suffering in my life right now. But I can’t accept why my own mother would do that to me.
So I am turning to you for advice, support, and insights for ways to separate yourself emotionally and individuate from your parents later in life when you should've done so much much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I should do but there is also a part of me that is frightened. let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long but I want to give you as much contexts as possible. If you want a short summary of the dilemma, go to the last paragraph, otherwise, here is my life story (it is long because I want to give as much context as possible, and also show clues for the many different ways a narcissistic parent can disrupt your life): I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country, my parents gave birth to me when they were in their early 20s and just as their business started taking off in the 'boom years'. Both of them came from very broken family, my mother suffered poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died, and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favourite child in his family of three, he dropped out of high school, ended up on the street (and, as I learnt a few years ago, later in prison for getting into fights). My mother met my dad (21) when she was 19 and ran away from her hometown, they grew a very successful business together in the early to mid 20s and became incredibly wealthy for a society that is generally still very poor. I had a lot of luxuries in my early childhood, we had a car, I had good clothing, but my parents were never around. I started boarding at the age of 3, and generally spent most of my time outside of kindergarten and school with my paternal grandparents, and occasionally, my mum's mother. My parents fought a lot, and I remember my mother threatening to take me away from my dad and drove away from home with me in a car with nowhere specific to go. Once things got really bad and my mother told me that she is divorcing my father, and we even went into another flat (for a grand total of 1 day) before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, told me that she would die for me and nobody would love me as much as her. As the expression in our language puts it ' You are a piece of flesh fallen from my body'. She hit me a lot, often over small things , sometimes in public, I remember being thrown outside of our apartment and crying in the corridor. But I thought she was better than my father, whom, in my mother's words, would swiftly remarry in an event of her death/departure, and I would then be abused by another evil mother in law and her offsprings. My dad was completely absent from my childhood save for the first year (I remember playing video game, going to the park with him at the age of 3).
Although my family was wealthy, my mother took me out of the posh international school I was in after 6 months and sent me to a state school that is (in)famous for being extremely strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but when I got to the state school at the age around 12 or 13, I became very depressed and that life has no purpose. I was falling at almost all school subjects (except History), and I started drinking (my dad drank a lot, and alcoholism is culturally tolerated if not perpetuated). At this point something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family decided to emigrate to an anglophone New World country and I went to yet another boarding school there. Yes, I experienced racism and generally felt horrible about the way I looked (not good looking in the Western sense or sporty), but I got to be separated from my family and grew as an individual. My grades got better, and by year 12, 13 I was among the best performing students. Between 13-18, I rarely see my father (perhaps once or twice a year), my mother would visit periodically, they bought a house next to the school, so I started to live in the house (mostly alone, sometimes with my mother and whatever hapless young women she manipulated into being her assistant). My parents couldn't speak English, and I dealt with most family matters, as with many first gen immigrant kid. By the time that I was supposed to go to university, I wanted to do law & politics at the public university in my adopted hometown but then my father intervened stating that I would never get a good job at a respectful company with a degree from the backwater 2nd rate university. He insisted that I should go to the U.K. or the U.S. He also stopped me from taking a gap year to travel, so I mostly stayed at home, played game, whilst being a driver and an assistant to them for a year. I regret not leaving home and getting a job. I applied to many universities in the U.K, Canada, and Australia, got into most of them, and ended up choosing the worst ranked university because I wanted to be in London. I couldn't do a conjoint degree so I chose to study politics (as that's what I was interested in). University life was eye opening, I got to see Europe, realised that the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and the backwater suburbs with strip-malls and junk food stores I grew up in. But the degree did not prepare me for life, and all those years of bad parenting, emotionally under-development made me miserable in my first taste of adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant if not abusive friends, was a horrible person who hurt people who actually liked me and loved me. I did no internship or travel because I was expected to go home during school holiday, helping them move house, looking after guests, and being the 'little husband' when my mother was giving brith to my youngest sibling. I really wanted to stay in London, I looked for jobs, very random jobs because I had no life skills and never ever made my own money. So in the end, I left, and had to return to East Asia. By this time, my father had moved to another, more cosmopolitan East Asian city as his lifestyle became more and more extravagant. I lived with him and started interning at a fancy company in the culture industry. I worked there for almost a year hoping they would offer me a job, they did not. I got another job fairly soon in brand consulting, and finally at the age of 23 started making money. I had a relationship with an older woman, she was kind and tolerant, and I was an arse. I also realised that I cannot combine intimacy and sex at this point. I tried to start my own freelancing consultancy, acquired the ability to impress other people (faking it). Things seem to be working, I almost made enough money to support my life, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I had the first depressive episode in my life. I wanted to go back to London, to get a Masters degree. So I applied and got into my dream school, my father agreed to pay for my education, so off I went to university again. That was probably the happiest year of my life, it turned out I loved elements of academia, research, being with other smart nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together soon after. I discovered more fulfilling, freer ways to live, I found proofs that a successful life was not just about working for an investment bank, or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, so I applied for a PhD at the school, and I got in after two attempts. Academia isn't all rosy, the work condition is pretty awful, the publish or perish mentality literally sucks every last bit of joy and fulfilment out of research, I loved teaching, but quickly learnt that teaching matters little at a 'research university'. I got fat, my relationship got really bad, sex became non-existent, arguments soon turned physical, and I thought that I was a real piece of shit and better off dead. The only thing that kept me going at the time? Bitterness and shame. I felt indebted to everyone, to my partner because I was an abusive arsehole, and to my family because I was stupid enough to do a PhD and wasting their money (and my life away). The pandemic hits, and sure enough, things got even worse, I felt like I couldn't carry on anymore and that I needed to radically un-f my life. My solution to this: was to finally become the person my family wanted me to be, filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to threw my life in London away, everything, my home, my girlfriend, my PhD and move back to East Asia to become rich, and 'stop being a loser'. I came home to 'fix my family' and showered everyone with love and attention in ways I never did. I networked and explored ways to get into finance, and I got an at a VC firm. Soon enough, the whole thing completed backfired and my life started to unravel faster than I could count to three. I hated the internship, it fundamentally clashed with who I was and my value, I cried everyday in the toilet at work. I also broke up with my girlfriend for a person who was the poplar opposite of her that I had no attachment to (and sex was great because there was zero emotional intimacy). Within 3 months, I had very little savings left, was living in a short term rental apartment, and spent most of my time in bed and eating very unhealthily. Luckily, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend was willing to give me a second chance. It was also around this time I realised how my family's (what do you even call it) emotional neglect might have contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and medicated, the medicine helped for me to move out of paralysis. But I wanted to tell my family that I am very unwell and get them to love me back, so I confronted them over things they have done to me as a kid and showed them the diagnosis. My mother did not handle this well. She called me horrible names, made fun of me, and accused me for being a horrible son. This whole ordeal made me realise that I needed to break away from them, and what I had thrown away in London was actually the most valuable things I have in life, a career, a family, my own identity. After confronting my mother over her abusive behaviour and emotional smothering, she vowed to never see me again. However, after 6-8 months, she sent me a large chunk of money for my birthday. So I, stupidly, let her back into my life again, a part of the reason was the financial help that I needed (to feel safe mostly), but I also really wanted to see proofs that my parents actually did love and accept me after all. At first, things got better, she came for Christmas, visited a few times, celebrated her birthday, and looked really happy. Both my partner and I spent a lot of time with her, bought her gifts, cooked for her, and hang out with her to make sure she feels loved. But soon, she started complaining that she actually had a horrible time and was mistreated by my partner. To make matter worse, a year and half after I left home for the last time thinking that I would never go back, my parents promise to buy me a flat (and started to pressure me to get married). I accepted the flat, thinking that it would offer stability and freedom (pushing away the past experience of their emotional neglect and abusiveness). Sure enough, the flat became yet another way for my mother to mess with my life. It had daunted on her that I am about to become my own person and live in the flat and start a family of my own, so she lashed out and said if my girlfriend lives there she would sue me and reclaim the flat. She then went behind my back and started disputing the flat's ownership. We have already spent a lot of time and energy planning the move and all of this is happening just 2/3 weeks from the move-in. I have a demand job that requires a lot of cognitive focus, and I feel like I am spending a decent chunk of my day trying to resolve the situation in addition to processing the emotional toll of having my own mother out to destroy my life. I know I have a job, a family, and my own life, and I have a good legal case, but I also feel so unsafe, violated, and confused. I can almost feel the voice in my head telling me that this is all my doing, and that I am too weak. It is like I know what I need to do cognitively but emotionally I am paralysed. Do you think what I mean? What would you do?

Hello,
I am from India and have graduated with a BCA (Bachelor of Computer Applications), majoring in cybersecurity, with a CGPA of 8.7. I was planning to pursue a master's degree, but I have found that the MCA course has little scope in the job market, especially in IT. It seems to be more of a nominal qualification. Therefore, I believe pursuing an MS in IT or a related field from a foreign university would be more valuable for my career.
However, due to family issues, I am unable to leave India to pursue any master's course unless it is online.
My question is: how will this affect my job prospects or career advancement in the future?

My whole life I have struggled to live without considering what everyone else thinks or feels about it. Like I can't stand having someone around me upset and ill go through great lengths to help them, often at the expense of myself. I can't miss events even tho I am disabled and will push myself to the point of vomiting from exertion to make sure I go to things that loved ones want me to. I will pretend i am perfectly healthy, when i am in fact in a wheelchair with chronic illnesses, so i dont disappoint or inconvenience anyone. I can't even do therapy because I will pretend I'm cured to make them think they're doing a good job and that I'm not failing them when their methods don't work. I do the same with my psych because I won't admit that the meds aren't helping until I eventually explode and am in crisis from it all crashing down on me and we have to take me off the meds and start over. I hear every noise, every tone change. I simply cannot stand the idea of upsetting or inconveniencing others. I can't watch what I want or play games I want because I want the other people around me to not be bored and so they can use the TV and Xbox. Like everything I do is in service go others. I am exhausted and overwhelmed constantly keeping track of how everyone around me feels and what I can do to make sure they are all happy around me, often hurting myself. I can't feed or bathe myself and I refuse to ask my husband because he works and is tired and will go long periods of time with my needs not being met to prevent inconveniencing him. He works for 12hrs a day and so I will lay in bed in the dark because I'm too disabled to help myself but will also refuse to ask for things when he is home. Like this is clearly a problem as I am putting myself in actual danger to please and satisfy others and it feels uncontrollable. Like monitoring everyone's emotions is easier than remembering to breathe. There has even been so many times I will refuse a very necessary ER visit because I don't want to inconvenience my husband with the visit. I once ended up in the hospital with multiple acute organ failures due to pushing off my problems and masking the pain from them so nobody even knew I was struggling. Can someone please help me? What's wrong with me? Does anyone else experience this? I just want to stop.

Hey everyone! I wanted to share some tips on how to find a job as a CDL truck driver, especially if you're just starting out. Here’s what worked for me and some friends in the industry.
1. Get Your CDL License First thing's first, you need to get your Commercial Driver's License (CDL). Find a good truck driving school in your area. They’ll help you learn everything you need to know and get you ready for the test.
2. Check Out Job Boards Once you have your CDL, start looking at job boards. Websites like Indeed, Monster, and even Craigslist often have listings for truck driving jobs. There are also industry-specific sites like TruckingTruth and CDL Life that post job openings.
3. Join Trucking Forums and Groups Join online forums and Facebook groups for truck drivers. These communities are super helpful, and you can find job leads and advice from experienced drivers.
4. Network with Other Drivers Networking is key. Talk to other drivers at truck stops, rest areas, or even online. They might know of companies that are hiring and can give you a referral.
5. Apply to Big Companies Big trucking companies like Swift, Schneider, and J.B. Hunt often hire new drivers and offer training programs. They might not pay as much at first, but they’re a good place to gain experience.
6. Keep Your Record Clean Make sure your driving record is clean. Companies will check this, and a good record can help you stand out.
7. Be Ready for OTR Many companies will start you with over-the-road (OTR) jobs, which means long hauls across the country. Be prepared for this as it’s a great way to gain experience and prove your reliability.
8. Look for Local Jobs If you prefer staying close to home, look for local or regional trucking companies. These jobs might be harder to find for beginners but keep an eye out.
9. Use Social Media Follow trucking companies and job boards on social media. Sometimes they post job openings there first.
10. Stay Persistent Don’t get discouraged if you don’t get hired right away. Keep applying and networking. The trucking industry always needs drivers, so something will come up.
Good luck out there! If you have any other tips or need more info, feel free to ask in the comments. Safe driving! 🚛💨

The greenest of greenbeards. It was late at night, and the servers were dead, therefore an encounter like this was rare for me. We jumped into Haz 3 industrial sabotage, which is a cakewalk for most, but I wasn’t prepared for how green my scout truly was.
When a swarm of bugs appeared, he would say “I don’t know what to do?!” And I would say “kill the bugs and I’ll take care of the rest” and afterwards, reassured him that he did a good job.
When the bugs were gone and the cave was peaceful, his worry disappeared and he confidently explored on his own. I don’t think he knew how the laser pointer worked, but he knew how to collect nitra and use the flare gun, which was reassuring.
Throughout the mission he would get lost and I would ask “you doing all right over there?”. His most common response was “I don’t know what’s going on?!” And I would briefly describe the situation and told him to “stay close to me”.
Things went great until the Caretaker fight. I showed him where to shoot the Caretaker, but the moment my back was turned, he was on top of the Caretaker. I told him “you need to get down from there or the robot will kill you!”. He said something like “why isn’t it taking damage?!” And as expected, the Caretaker downed him. He spent the rest of the mission, face-planted atop the Caretaker. It hurt watching the Caretaker spin around, like a carousel, wearing my greenbeard scout like a tiara. I wanted to revive him, but I was really struggling and didn’t have IW to fall back on.
After an intense battle, and after the giant pod cover flung his body into the ceiling, we were back on our feet securing the data rack. Afterwards, I planned on picking an easier mission for us to do, but soon as we got back to the lobby, he disconnected. It made my night and I hope he keeps playing DRG. Rock & Stone!

I'm not even a combat veteran. I'm a fucking pussy. I may have seen something fucked up INCONUS but that does not mean shit compared to the things others have experienced. As far as I'm concerned I'm not a veteran. Fourteen years of service doesn't mean jack shit. All I do know is I am in hell, and there is no scenario where I don't end up killing myself. I hate the way I feel. I want the god damned voices in my head to stop fucking with me. I want to be able to leave the house without intense fear of the bullshit cooked up by my brain. I want to be able to work, but can't because of the shit that's fucking with me. I don't bathe, clean house, exercise.. Nothing.. I wake up, do whatever stupid fucking shit that needs done then it's right back to dream land where I don't feel fucked. I'd rather be in a coma. I hope somebody breaks into my house and beats the shit out of me with a hammer, crushes my skull in, then drags my lifeless body chained to the rear bumper of their roided out pickup as a trophy. Either way, I'm not ending up in a fucking hospital unless I'm in a body bag. I'm a fat worthless fuck. Depression has ruined my body. I'm too fucking lazy or fucked in the head to fix it, so I'm going to just be done and end myself before diabetes or heart disease ever have a chance.

Hey everyone! I’m a first year in a transactional practice and I’m trying to transition to public interest litigation. I recently started the job application process and need to pick a writing sample to submit with my applications. Since I primarily took transactional classes in law school, I only have a couple brief or memo writing samples: a brief from a 1L legal writing class and a memo from a doctrinal course exam I took during 2L, for which I received a high grade. I have written memos analyzing case law for work and pro bono matters but am not able to use any of those as they are confidential and cannot be appropriately redacted. I’m leaning towards cleaning up and using the 2L memo since it is more recent but wanted to see if others had different recommendations. I am new to the practice of law and know very few lawyers, so I would appreciate any advice! Thank you in advance!

Hi everyone, I feel like I just need to share this because I can’t believe it’s actually happening.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year through Problem Shared with the private medical insurance that I get with my job.
As you know there was a shortage of Elvanse and for a lot of us had to ration doses which is what I did for a while, then were moved to a different form of the medication.
I was given Amfexa which is dexamphetamine the short acting version of Elvanse (which I’ve been on for 6 months), I was on 50mg Elvanse and was moved to 15mg Amfexa in 5mg tablespoons so 3 doses a day. This was far from ideal as I was constantly missing my dose window which I found to be 3 to 4 hours. If I missed these I have dips, space out, loose all focus, mood swings etc.
I asked if Elvanse was back in stock last month and was told it was (would have been nice to have been told) I’m still getting my medication through Problem Shared as my Shared Care hasn’t gone through even though it was submitted in February 2024.
I asked to be put back onto 50mg a day and was told by Problem Shared that they would only give me 40mg Elvanse because that’s equivalent to 15mg Amfexa. Problem Shared were the ones who told me that 14.8mg of Dexamphetamine is the equivalent to 50mg Lisdexamphetamine. Now I actually have a chemistry and pharmaceutical background so I understand bioequivalence and how the modes of action work I even told them I actually work as a European compliance consultant these days consulting pharmaceutical companies. They said the NHS says 20mg Amfexa is the equivalent to 50mg Elvanse. However, Problem Shared information says 14.8mg.
After a long debate over emails and phone calls as I was on my last few days of Amfexa. Problem Shared said that they will give me Elvanse 50mg but I have to go for another review because this is classed as a drug change even though the only difference is one is a controlled release due to the Lysine amino acid attached which the body has to cleave off first before it can be further metabolised. Once the body has metabolised everything the resulting molecule is the same so the mode of action on the brain is the same.
My last review was January 2024 I’m only six months through that review. These reviews are no longer covered so that’s an additional £100 I have to spend. They agreed to send my Elvanse now and have the review later this month and guess what?
Rather than give me 50mg Elvanse. They gave me 14 capsules of 30mg and 14 capsules of 50mg so I’ve only got half of actually what I wanted. I challenged them on this and they said they want to titrate me on 30mg incase there’s any side-effects even though I’ve taken Elvanse for a good 6 to 7 months and since then I’ve been taking the immediate release version, so I don’t think side-effects are going to pop up out of nowhere.
I have to pay for all of these so I’ve had to pay £109 and half of the tablets are useless which I’ll end up having to double dose, 30 mg did nothing when I started taking medication a year ago so it’s not going to be any different this time!!

I graduated in 2019 and worked for an year as a Product Dev Engineer and resigned for my job to prepare for UPSC from 2020-2023. After 3 failed attempts at UPSC, I thought to take a break and get a job. But, due to job markets and limited openings for my skills in Mech design I could not end up in job. Later, in mid September, I decided to write CAT in 2 months and got 93.32. Got calls from IIT K, IMT G, TAPMI, FORE, GIM. I ended with IMI Delhi and FORE as the only converts.
My Profile: GEM with 9/9/8 (1 year worked in an automobile company).
Extra curricular: 3 years worked in large-scale NGO in leadership and strategy roles (Probono), Design patent, 2 international awards in global SAE competition held in USA.
In Jan-Feb, I panicked a bit and planned to apply for my master's as well. Wrote my IELTS and GRE. And submitted my applications for Mech Engineering (Research-oriented) in Purdue and UW Washington and as backup applied for Industrial Engineering at North Eastern Univ, Boston. Writing SOPs for each college and getting LORs took a lot of time. I submitted my application in April end. As expected got rejects from Purdue and UW. However, got admitted for Engineering Management and Industrial Engineering in NEU.
My passion, workex, patent everything lies in Mech Design. But, I could not land those colleges in the USA. NEU Industrial Engineering is kinda safe bet where I would land up in Supply chain and operations role. But, it isn't something I crave to do or passionate about. Conversely, I am a bit skeptical of taking up IMI Delhi although would love to do an MBA if given a chance in a good college.
Iam gonna be 27 in 6 months and I don't know its kind of irking a bit and make me feel like a failure who made a huge mess in his life. Most of my friends around are extremely doing well (Went to top univ in USA, Tier 1 colleges in India, or having 4 years workex in damn good roles in India). So, its adding me extra pressure to level up with them. Iam bit scared amidst all these confusions. I feel like taking one more year to make things better applying for colleges early and preparing for CAT again. But, I don't have a job and Iam in my home all day. Its kinda making me sluggish in front my parents and if anyone asks me what I am up to. Sometimes feels like giving up to pressure and settle down. Other end, feels like to fight again for one more. And well, I might still be confused with no right college with all these year gaps again. :p
Help me out with your thoughts.

Career counselling is a process designed to help individuals understand themselves and the world of work to make informed career, educational, and life decisions. The duration of career counselling can vary widely based on individual needs, goals, and the services provided. Let's explore this in more detail by incorporating key aspects such as career counselling, career transition services, career development, and insights from career coaches in Canada, particularly in Toronto.
The Role of Career Counselling
Career counselling typically begins with an assessment phase where counsellors help individuals identify their strengths, interests, values, and skills. This phase might involve various psychometric tests and interviews, which could take several sessions over a few weeks.
Duration of Career Counselling

1. Initial Sessions: The first few sessions, usually 1-3, focus on understanding the client's background, career history, and goals. Each session might last from 45 minutes to an hour.
2. Assessment Phase: This phase can take another 2-4 sessions, depending on the depth of assessments required. Tools like aptitude tests, personality assessments, and interest inventories are commonly used.
3. Planning Phase: Based on the assessment results, the counsellor and client work together to develop a career plan. This might involve exploring various career options, setting short-term and long-term goals, and developing strategies to achieve these goals. This phase can span 2-3 sessions.
4. Implementation and Follow-up: Career counselling doesn’t end with planning. Implementing the career plan and periodic follow-ups are crucial. This ongoing support might be needed over several months, with sessions becoming less frequent over time.

Career Transition Services
For those undergoing a significant career change, career transition services can be invaluable. These services often include:

• Resume and Cover Letter Writing: Professional assistance in crafting impactful resumes and cover letters.
• Job Search Strategies: Guidance on effective job search techniques, including networking and using online job portals.
• Interview Preparation: Mock interviews and feedback sessions to build confidence and improve performance.

The duration of career transition services can range from a few weeks to several months, depending on the complexity of the career change and the client's readiness.
Career Development
Career development is a lifelong process. After the initial phases of career counselling, individuals often seek periodic sessions to review and adjust their career plans. Continuous professional development, skill upgrading, and staying current with industry trends are critical components.
Insights from Career Coaches in Canada
Career coaches in Canada, especially those based in major cities like Toronto, offer a wealth of experience and resources. They provide personalized coaching tailored to the unique needs of their clients. Career coaching can complement career counselling by offering more focused, one-on-one support.
Career Coaches in Toronto:

• Individual Sessions: Typically, a session with a career coach lasts about an hour. The number of sessions varies based on the client's needs.
• Packages: Many career coaches offer packages that might include 5-10 sessions spread over a few months.
• Workshops and Group Sessions: These can be more cost-effective and offer additional networking opportunities.

Conclusion
The length of career counselling is not fixed; it is tailored to the individual's unique needs and circumstances. Initial counselling might take a few weeks, while career development and transition services can extend over several months or even years. Engaging with experienced career coaches, especially in vibrant job markets like Toronto, can provide additional benefits and more personalized guidance.

I'm interested in creating a local union focused on hospitality workers. I live in a tourist town and a primary part of our economy is tourism that occurs during a very limited window of time in the summer months. This creates a huge demand for seasonal workers, but we live in a very rural county with a low population and we are not located on the path to anywhere. Basically if you aren't coming here for the tourist season, you aren't coming here at all. This leads to a lot of exploited workers, people who are often part of federally protected classes but still vulnerable to predatory employer practices. The season is short, as little as 13 weeks, and even at $20 hour that only comes out to $10,000 a year. That's not enough when rent here is $1,500-$2,000 a month. So the only people who can take these jobs are vulnerable employees; Highschool and College kids on summer break, disabled workers who receive disability payments and need a few more thousand dollars a year to survive, J-1 visa are also common employees here, they're students on break from university in their country and they come here for work. While it may be good money back home, they're still being exploited while they're here.
This over reliance on tourism also leads to a mindset that it needs to be protected, sometimes at an unreasonable cost. This manifests itself as insufficient government oversight and enforcement of safety and health codes. There's only a handful of people in the whole county that enforce codes, and there's thousands of businesses. The county cannot even fill empty positions in it's government services, close to half the positions that are required for a functional government remain unfilled, and the yearly turnover rate for the positions that do hire is about 125%. Ultimately what this leads to is public officials who are susceptible to bribes, and a big issue that I want to fight against.
Specifically, I want to target one employer and use his labor violations as reasons to persuade his employees to join the union. I was previously employed there and was fired for multiple reasons that can be summed up as me complaining about unsafe/illegal workplace practices and reporting them. I reported these violations to multiple local and state agencies who refuse to enforce labor laws or safety codes. Ultimately i made a complaint with the NLRB who brought a charge against my employer for violating me and my coworkers right for concerted workplace activity. So i have the support of the federal government already.
I intend on setting up an information booth about this union on public property near the business. I spoke with local government officials and police about this, and nobody there knows if I need a permit to do it. I told them I will be excercising my federal rights, and a lot of it will be protesting local government corruption, so I believe they cannot legally stop me, and I told them as much. The targeted business operates an underground kitchen that has not been approved or passed any application process. Basically they opened a restaurant 30 years ago, and then 10-15 year ago decided to expand into the basement. But the basement does not and never will meet codes, it's a colonial era building. So they openly bribe the inspector to allow them to operate.
My goal is to entice these employees to form/join a union and use their collective power to walkout until these safety issues are repaired. I've already complained to the officials who are tasked with enforcement and they won't do their job. I've talked to county code enforcement, State labor board, State Fire code enforcement, and my local representative in the state legislature. None of them will help or do their job. I have made complaints to OSHA and the NLRB, both agencies responded and subsequently enforced my workplace rights. But federal rights are limited and I need State and County enforcement. And until they step up and do their job I believe an employee union threatening to walkout in the middle of the limited tourist season is the only way to force the employer to follow the law.

I am a female in my late 30s. I went to college in my 20s and could not finish because I had to choose between caring financially for my mother, or going to college, even though it was a public school overseas (and believe me, not everyone passed the test to get into that school, so I pride myself) ... but here I am, working in health care, and fed up with the clinical side of things.
If I could afford it, I would become a lawyer. I am fascinated by criminal law and I am 1000% people oriented, but this is a degree you cannot pursue online, and the tuition is criminal in itself! I refuse to get into an absurd amount of debt, just to get an education.
My second option option is tech. I was also fascinated by it when I was a teenager, and after learning about Sophia learning and WGU, I have decided I want to pursue a career in Cyber Security. Plus, I love the Epic Software and would love to get Epic certified. Yesterday I learned the hospital I work for did not certify their IT people in Epic for the longest time because they were afraid their staff would then get better jobs somewhere else. ISN'T THAT SOME POOR THINKING???? My goodness!!! and then of course, last year they actually let go a lot of their staff. Believe me, I will stay with them a little longer to get tuition reimbursement, and to gain experience by getting into their cyber sec. team, but I will eventually be out. Their decisions scream poor leadership!
May I ask why is it that many of you discourage other people from pursuing this career path just because they don't have any IT background? Why would a university offer a program that you won't be successful in? Won't they teach you what you are supposed to know? Right now I am trying to finish a project management certificate on Coursera (it has taken me a friggin' year to do it because of depression issues), and I enrolled in 100 Devs to learn how to code. I was trying to do both at the same time, and I had to pause. I promised myself I will finish the project management program this weekend.
Anyway, after I am done, my intention is to continue learning how to code. I am fascinated by that.
Then, I will enroll at GWV in cyber sec. to start next year.
Again, why do some of you discourage people with no background to start this career path just because they have no experience?
Thank you!

Hi All,
I have been given an opportunity of a potential payout to leave my existing job (which would be sufificient to support me if i didn't find a job for 2+ years).
On paper i am fairly qualified - being a qualified accountant (10+ years) with a masters degree and an MBA.
However, from an experience perspective it's basically one company (large ftse 100 company - in which i have been there for 15 years) that i have worked from a junior member to a senior leader. I slightly worry that i am missing essentialy experience from workign at a range of companies. However, when i review all senior FP&A job specs online i appear to be doing pritty much all of what is quoted (missing some ERP system stuff).
I like my job, i like the company, but there is relatively new leadership which comes with risk. Though have often thought i am limiting myself too much to one single industry (which is relative niche).
What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Me [22M], met my [25F] gf online. We got along pretty good and I liked her a lot. Soonafter we met, my dad died and I became very dependent on her for emotional support. Eventually after several months of talking we decided to meet up. I booked a cheap flight to where she lived (a few states over) and we hung out. At this point I had inherited a little bit of money (a few thousand) and saved up a ton. Of which she blew during my two week trip (luring me into expensive clothing stores saying she just wanted a hat only to spend 700$ and guilting me in to paying). This habit continued for another several months until I moved here to be with her (my own family was super toxic and after my dads death the verbal abuse became worse). My arrival was met with intial disgust from her, as I had to try and save money for a few weeks until I started working at my new job. Additionally its seems now there is little to no love from her anymore and she only pretends to like me when we are with her family. I stopped going to college after my depression became borderline manic and was almost hospitalized, and I'm looking to transfer to a local college for a year then university. However, she hates this idea, only because it means I'd have work less hours to make room for school. On top of that she really wants to get married, not because of her burning love, but instead so she can quit her job and have me provide for her.
What should I do?

Hello,
I am wanting to transition careers to Data Analytics and have been looking at WGU for degrees since they can be done at your own pace online. I currently have a dual major bachelors in Business Administration and Marketing, but spent most of my career so far working in retail management. Would it be more beneficial to obtain a second bachelors degree in Data Analytics or go straight for the masters? Im just not sure if the same fundamentals would be taught in the masters or if I would feel lost trying to learn the basics that most learned while earning their Data Analytics bachelors. I have heard that a second bachelors is almost never worth it compared to a masters, however, the WGU bachelors seems to also come with quite a few certifications as part of the program that the masters does not. I’m not sure how relevant those would be to any potential employers though. What would be the better path to take? Does having a masters in Data Analytics pay more? Will it make landing a job easier than having a bachelors?
Thanks to anyone who is able to provide any insight or personal experience they may have, especially if you are in the data analytics field.

I was unemployed for eight months. It was depressing, now I got this job and I’ve had about four shifts. I’m working in a drive through coffee shop and everyone is fairly nice, but whenever I come in it’s usually just me and one other person, so I haven’t been able to be properly trained.
It’s gotten to the point where I have full body tremors and puke, and cry off and on all day, at least a full day before I need to go work.
It’s so embarrassing but also I don’t think I can live with this anxiety. I’m waiting to be put on my husbands insurance so I can figure out why I feel like this, but it’s taking a while.

Job Context: I manage the whole infra (Azure) of our company. I also do Project Management, improvements, purchasing/billing, software/license management, etc.. Everything. We are a team of 2 engineers in a 200 people company and I'm the senior engineer in our team.
Should I go for a salary increase? According to the benchmarks online I can go higher than this but I don't think my salary is bad.
PERSONALIA
Age: 31
Education: Graduate (IT)
Work experience : 6,5 years in IT
EMPLOYER PROFILE
SectoIndustry: IT
Amount of employees: 200-250
Multinational? Yes
*CONTRACT & CONDITIONS * Current job title: System Engineer
Seniority: 3yr
Official hours/week : 40h/week
Average real hours/week incl. overtime: 40h
Shiftwork or 9 to 5 (flexible?): 9 to 5 (free to choose hours)
Vacation days/year: 32 (20 + 12 ADV)
SALARY
Gross salary/month: 3860
Average net salary/month (incl. net fees): +- 2550
Netto compensation: 155
13th month (full? partial?): Full
Meal vouchers: 8 eur
Ecocheques: Yes
Salary cabike and/or fuel card: Car (hybrid), fuel and charging card
Group insurance (% employer): Yes (3%)
Other insurances: Yes, hospitalisation
Other benefits (bonuses, stocks options, ... ): Bike lease, Flex plan, Health partner plan
MOBILITY
City/region of work: Vlaanderen
Distance home-work (km's/time): 50km/40 min
How do you commute? Car
How is the travel home-work compensated: Company car
Telework days/week: Free to choose (mostly 2-3 days in the office by choice)
OTHER
How easy can you plan a day off: Easily, free to choose.
Is your job stressful? Depends on the period or workload
Education possibilities: Yearly training budget
Responsible for personnel (reports): Officialy no, but I take the lead of the IT team. I follow up on my junior colleague and give guidance.

Edit: The downvotes have begun but hopefully that means people are reading till the end too. Will have to try the BridgertonRants sub as that seems more accepting of discussions and debates. : )
Would super appreciate it if everyone reads this long-ass thesis of a post with an open mind and to the end...its me being vulnerable in an anonymous reddit sub because i think these things matter in the larger framework of a uniquely special show and the big, bright, beautiful, multicultural gorgeous world we all as humans live in. My last post in this sub was downvoted to hell which btw totally ok...and i dont depend on reddit currency for my livelihood so its all good. I just care about my posts being read...specially this one.
Some context:
I'm very new to this community and reddit as well. Currently have time off work and going ham on reddit and venturing very scared into the deep dark of world of rabid fandoms and small niche communities. Getting a little burnt along the way but also learning from some super talented fans with their own eye-opening ideas and funny posts. Fans of all kinds, Im peeping into profiles, so white, black, brown multicolored rainbow of the world right here.
I'm also an aspiring writer and well...some of my best ideas have come from reddit lurking on cool and active subs with bridgerton sub being new for me. Jet lagged, anxious and just a tad bit antsy, I'm trying to go down and deep and maybe open some deeper discussions here.
I am Indian and lived primarily in India my whole life and now for the last 10 years between London and Canada (why am I sharing all this like and am I also going to tell you my weight, my height etc too...No but hopefully you'll understand this revelation as you read ahead without me spelling it out)
So I've been trying to figure out why fan wars as they pertain to this show prick so personally, so particularly.
I think fandoms anywhere in every country are full of insane people, obsessive chronically online people who find comfort through living through their faves..your beyonce stans, your rihanna stans, your Taylor Swift stans, your harry styles stans, your k pop stans, etc etc..
This show also has some rabid fans..But there is a conversation I want to open up only because I think it's important...Is fighting extra hard for your poc fave because you know their representation in pop culture is limited, their getting jobs is limited, subconscious biases exist even though we have been making great strides and even eradicated overt biases in employment, in accessibility, in government service etc etc ..and their culture not as dominant, their worlds not as seen or coveted.
Our ideas of beauty are framed by the extensiveness and longevity of colonial rule across the world.
there are shit people across all ethnicities religions and genders and nationalities. Barbarians, conquerors, invaders, pillaging villages raping women destroying livelihoods suppressing the peasant class, mutilating and diluting cultures- exist in Africa, the Indian subcontinent, East asia, middle East etc so not just Britain. Basically being brown, black or East Asian and Middle Eastern doesnt grant you moral superiority over white people and you can be racist and casteist and colorist and bigoted and biased and just all around shitty and criminal as a black, brown, east asian middle eastern etc etc person just as much as white people.
So now that thats settled, lets look at specific issues that POC only face because that eventually streams into the show and its politics and its discussion as well.
But for whatever reason ...the British were able to colonize on a scale that the other countries and ethnicities were not able to.. African and the Indian subcontinent's conquests and invasions were limited in area and time period...their scale of conquest limited to a small radius around their own countries...and not foreign lands travelled via sea etc.
As a result and only as a result and not because and I cannot emphasize enough that black, brown or east asian invaders, rulers etc were morally superior, kinder, less assholes...the culture that became dominant was white british culture..or european culture...if Indians had conquered the world, they would have imposed their culture on the lands and countries they invaded, if different African countries invaded the world to the extent of the british colonists, same thing...the dominant culture that would have been forcibly imposed by the people of african ethnicity would be their culture... Black skin would have been considered beautiful, white fair skin would not have been the standard....thats history....thats something we know to be true even through modern wars...the victor dictates...But that simply didnt happen.
it's not because t Africans or Asians or basically non white people are morally superior, more virtuous, incapable of terrorist acts or colonizing or I don't know were like we don't invade and conquest, we so good. But because that's history. They just didn't manage it. thats simply our current historical reality.
Being that the country or countries that did manage to conquer the world or close to 9/10ths of it were Europeans or more specifically British white nationals..which means as would happen even if another nationality had managed to invade the world, the culture that is dominant across the world is a west/white slanted world..
Colorism as a concept didnt exist until colonization: Why would it? If everyone existed under the same harsh sun, had the same skin color with minor variances...why would they think fair is more beautiful. Its because they wouldnt...the first blond haired blue eyed people would have been introduced to India via early traders of east india company in India and dutch colonists before them...Its like if everyone around you is brown, you assume thats just how everyone else looks like...thats the only reality you know...you simply havent seen anyone look any different..you havent seen blue eyes or anything else....same for africans and within that framework as humans are wont to do you create ideas of beauty.
So yes. POCs across the globe had just as arbitrary ideas of beauty as white people (chiense mutilated young women feet cuz small feet more beautiful, in africa genital mutiliation) because humans are humans and humans mess everything up...and animals are so much better...but color as a construct is a colonial one and one which managed to find deeep deep roots because of the extent of the rule, the sheer longevity, For context, India has been independent for the last 75 years..from over 200 years of colonial british rule...Not even the length of the life of a single human. Not even as long as Britains former queen was alive. It will take some more time for that in fighting and ideas of colorism deeply penetrated from the inheritance of our rulers to get dismanted...and totally thrown own...because you can freee from literall bondage more easily, the mind takes longer to adjust and form independent thought. But it will happen.
White people are not more or less racist than POC. Thats not a thing. There are shit people and you can find shit people anywhere...I have shit people right in my own home country, bigots, destroying the diversity of India by bullshit tactics...
But as it stands...because this cultural superiority of British and white people took over, the framing of beauty, of whats fashionable, of whats cool, of whats civilized is all seen through the lens of white culture...eating with hands which many cultures across the world do uncivilized unhygienic, paris fashions and made in italy...mark of excellence...made in India and China...cheap, low quality, scammers and shit people, (thats not to say shit people and scammers dont exist in India and China and there arent industries of scammers across these poorer nations but there is also denying the equisite craftasmanship across fashion and beauty in both countries-China and India.
Brown skin bad, even darker skin even bad etc etc...We wear clothes that our colonial masters did across the world, you wont find people in china wearing Chinese clothes, same for India, african countries etc...everything from clothing, to beauty, to furniture, to houses everything indigenous was changed to a foreign ideal from our rulers. The same would have happened whoever whichever ethnicity had invaded the world...like i said above..
Now and thanks for reading whoever read till here and I hope a lot of people did-on to to the show...
There is this frequent refrain and accusation of oppression olympics that I read about when it comes to this show, in general online discourse and also this insanely disgusting article fat shaming Nicola Coughlan in The Spectator.
And i really really want to open up this conversation...cuz race gets discussed a lot on this sub and other bridgerton subs and therefore a perfect place to have that conversation...Do Non-POC really believe in the concept of oppression olympics and that all kinds of biases are equally treacherous to navigate?
So I was overweight in my teens...I had a close friend who was wheelchair bound. my life was hard and I was bullied but surely surely I do not think that my plight was the same as my friend in a wheelchair...In class 10th, a close friend's father passed away, the same year my grandmother passed away, surely, surely, I dont think we are experiencing the same pain the same setback to our life...Class 10th in India is akin to A levels in Britain and SAT in the USA..
You know why I didnt think any of this and why if I had i was wrong, because there is a hierarchy to opression, .to loss, to struggles. There simply is. Opression Olympics is rooted in reality.
Pain is pain, loss and bad foundations suck ass...but privilege is a thing and some pains some loads just lighter compared to others. I could lose weight and get over the oppression I was facing because of my weight in school. My wheelchair bound friend didnt have that option..I wouldnt get my grandmother back...but my fathers loss would have a more immediate affect on my life and my friend who lost her father and her loss was just simply deeper. She needed more support, more help, more people crowding around her saying you've got this Niharika..well make sure your life doesnt change permanently cuz youlve lost your dad.
So when show fandom compare Jonathon Baileys struggle to Rege Jean George or say Victor Ali, they are simply pointing out that yes while Jonathon Bailey is gay...there is a difference between being white and gay and being black and gay or simply harder being black. And therefore there is a hierarchy. Why POC are less loath to crticize the average acting of their POC faves because they know the opportunities for them are limited. Lets do an exercise name 5 shows led by a POC in the USA or Britain or Canada-any POC..brown, black i dont care. And im not talking about black or brown actors in a show or film, im talking leads...
Also biases are self perpetuating....When black or brown led films fail, the opportunities immediately dry up because it shows that its just fairness and the numbers dont lie..Except this is not maths.....Maths would be first making equal amount of shows starring black or brown people, and then comparing...Now if the end result is white led shows do better-that would be correct math...but ratios and comparisons and statistics need to first start with an even scale...thats not even me taking about diversity...thats just math formulas...
If lets say there are 500 actors who are white in hollywood and 200 who are Black in hollywood, and lets say all 200 black actors are shit...would you say the statement...god white actors are so much better than black actors...no cuz the maths is not adding up...you compared 500 actors who were white of which 300 were excellent 200 bad and you made that into the conclusion that white actors are better because you were comparing only with 200 black actors to begin with...the actual math formula yieled equal number of bad and good actors..
Why people defend Kanthony harder...or wanted Simone Ashley to be promoted as much as Polin is because (lets go with my Math analogy again) all things being the same) unless Nicola and Luke are really bad actors compared to Simone Ashley, theyll still have it easier in acting...they simply will. they wont have to change their confusingly, long foreign sounding name, they wont have to work at assimilation in other ways, lets say they were muslim they wouldnt have been trying hard to sell themselves as Im just as liberal as you, im not a threat. And I love Luke Newton and Nicola Coughland-both seem like throughly, likable, personable, kind hearted beans..
Now my own experience. I have stated in an earlier post on this sub that I'm a Shonda Rhimes fan...because I have personally benefitted from the diversity she has included so naturally, so elegantly in all her shows. My own ideas of beauty, have been tested and transformed. In fact I know exactly the moment it happened...watching Christina Yang as a 14 year old...and thinking god meredith is so beautiful and I want to see more of HER and Izzie but then seeing christina again and again and again over each episode over hundreds of hours of binging, school, college, masters, big move outside India, my own constant this show..my brain was soft mushy and impressionable and christina yang, korean Sandra Oh became suddenly but actually slowly and then all at once became beautiful to me...I dont know when it happened but like the book Colin telling Penelope I dont know when or how and why others dont see it but you ARE beautiful in the book carriage scene. I found her hot, I found her cool. I cared to learn more about her Korean mother and her Jewish father and it didnt matter that the show never covered that culture..Christina was atheist and could handle her shit..even around racists.. But I still wanted to learn more about HER..a woman I simply didnt think was beautiful comparable to meredith and Izzie..me an impressionable 14 year old..just made that turn because of a show.,..a fluffy...not that deep soapy as hell show.
But it was only possible cuz I saw 24 episodes day in day out,...over many many years....for that to happen. I had many more years of falling asleep to dawsons creek joey and dawson, joey and pacey, gilmore girls rory and jess rory and dean rory and logan..i imagined and dreamt of windswept Mr. Darcy...and of course I luckily had my own countrys pop culture cuz I grew up and lived in a country where I was repped plenty eveywhere... So i found bollwood heroes hot and I found White americans or british people hot...my brain simply didnt have a framework for East Asians hot. And I needed to seem them constantly and frequentlyn and in Hot front and center, desirable covetable-their culture, their families all respected, admired again and again and again over many years for that switch to happen.
So why do we fight for our POV faves.. fight hard (some fight really ugly too which....they are not my people ( as in I dont know them) so sorry for that)....because we know how much more repping they need...we know how much MORE MORE MORE important it is to see POC culture done right...because it simply is not accessible,...cannot be to people outside..
K POP is making waves super..., people love themselves some MANGA and kimchi...so good and progress...but a lot of countries pop culture is in the native tongue...people outside of it cannot access it...in the same way one would English language content-books, podcasts, news, films, shows etc etc. And hollywood does our culture wrong, played up for laughs, stinky curry, stinky indians, scamming Indians, uncivilized heathens, oh so funny that Sofia Vergara and her funny accent (The Ellen Show), niche shows that dont become popular behemoths because it stars all ethnic casts-Fresh Off the Boat.
You simply will not understand how brilliant and gorgeous my country's embroideries, temple art, clothing and fashion, actors and sculptors, museums and writing and authors are...not because YOU are racist..but because you dont speak-my language and my culture isnt dominant or wide spread enough-insert again-my above explanation of colonialism and dominant and suppressed cultures. History made one culture the most widespread...again not because white people, bad and racist...brown and black people good and not racist and benevolent..but they simply were the victors...for centuries...plural.
We want to fight harder for Rege and defend him leaving the show (im not even black but when you live outside of your home country, all POC seem like a united underrepresented group and you find kinship everywhere) because any potential cancellation or quote unquote unlikeability and hes difficult accusations would hurt him far far more than Nicola Coughlan, Luke Thompson, Newton, Phoebe etc. for the same crimes. And there just arent enough of us to begin with to lose even one. For what is quite honestly a mid Netflix show with seeds of promise but a lack of ambition.

This is something that most people disagree with, so I think it’s an unpopular opinion.
I get that privacy is an important thing, and I care about it too. I know all about every privacy-focused software and operating system out there, like Linux, Firefox, Brave, etc.; these platforms are designed to protect users’ privacy. They’re great for those who prioritize privacy above all else.
But at this point, I just use whatever’s most convenient and best for personal use. I’m talking about Windows and Chrome, which have a user-friendly experience made for personal or business users. They have features that make my life easier, and they’re optimized for performance. And when it comes to software, I opt for mainstream applications that are known for their efficiency and ease of use.
So, why do I prioritize convenience over privacy? Because in my daily life, I’m not a pedantic person in terms of privacy. I want my computer to boot up quickly, run smoothly, and not lag when I’m in the middle of an important task. I only care about telemetry and stuff like that if it affects the performance of my PC, since sometimes telemetry and other stuff on your PC can slow down your PC. If a privacy-focused software or OS can offer me that without the hassle, I’d consider it. Until then, I’m sticking with what works best for me.
And let’s be real: most people are basically the same. Live and let live. We use smartphones with pre-installed apps, we’re on social media, and we enjoy the convenience of smart devices. Our data is already out there in the hands of companies. So unless it’s slowing down my PC or the companies are doing terrible, i.e., the worst of the worst with my data, or my data is public, I’m not losing sleep over it.
Even if you go to great lengths to use every single piece of software and OS made for privacy, the harsh reality is that you’re still going to have your privacy invaded a little bit. You’re going to be tracked to some extent, no matter how many layers of digital armor you have. And let’s face it, even if by some miracle you’re not being tracked right now, it’s almost a certainty that it happened at some point in your life and that companies might still have it.
The digital footprint we leave behind is nearly impossible to erase completely. Whether it’s through social media, online shopping, or simply browsing the web, our actions are recorded, analyzed, and often stored. So, while I advocate for being mindful about privacy, I also recognize that absolute privacy is more of an ideal than a practical reality.
It’s just how the world is; as I said before, live and let live.

Hey everyone,
I’m super excited to share something I’ve been working on: ProRes. It's an AI-powered tool that helps you create awesome resumes and cover letters with ease.
Why I Made ProRes
I help do mock technical interviews at my alma mater and I’ve seen so many talented people struggle to get interviews, not because they’re not qualified, but because their resumes and cover letters don’t do them justice. It sucks to see great folks miss out on opportunities just because their application didn’t stand out. That’s why I created ProRes - to help people showcase their skills and experience in the best possible way and boost their chances of landing those interviews.
What’s Cool About prores.ai?

• Easy to Use: You don’t need to be a tech wizard or a writing pro to use it.
• AI Magic: Our AI gets the job description and tailors your resume and cover letter to fit perfectly.
• Tailor-Made Applications: Easily customize your resume for specific jobs to make sure it highlights what each employer is looking for.
• Flexible: You can tweak and customize everything to make sure it’s just right for you.
• Saves Time: No more spending hours trying to write the perfect resume or cover letter from scratch.

How It Works

1. Enter Your Info: Pop in your work experience, skills, and all that good stuff.
2. Describe the Job: Copy paste the information from the job listing, Title, company, and job description.
3. Generate: Let ProRes work its magic and create a polished resume or cover letter for you.
4. Customize: Make any tweaks you want in the built in editor to add your personal touch.

I really think ProRes can help a lot of people out there, whether you’re just starting your career or have years of experience. It’s all about making sure you get noticed for the right reasons.
Give it a try and let me know what you think! Your feedback would mean the world to me as I keep working on improving the tool.
Do you think adding a “bot” that would apply to jobs on your behalf would be a cool addition?