Maternal newborn nursing made easy
Almost to my due date - any last minute tips from seasoned moms?
2024.06.01 14:47 F01i3aD3ux Almost to my due date - any last minute tips from seasoned moms?
Due date is coming up THIS WEEK and we are riddled with a heavy dose of anxiety and excitement! If anyone has any general advice or tips for this FTM on surviving childbirth (I should be having a vaginal birth with an epidural), the newborn phase, adjusting to maternity leave and transitioning back to work, please feel free to drop them below!
submitted by F01i3aD3ux to pregnant [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 14:47 Arceroth Chronicles of a Traveler 2-29
“So you’re a traveler from another world, with strange powers, here to help us out?” The commander of the unit summarized as the rest of the unit approached the still super train, preparing to salvage it.
“Yup,” I said nervously.
“Okay,” he replied after a moment.
“That’s it?” I asked, surprised.
“Good an explanation as any,” he shrugged, “considering you took down that war train and aren’t objecting to us taking it, I’m prepared to give you at your word.”
“What are you scavenging it for anyways?” I asked, turning to look at the massive vehicle, “you that hard up for metal?”
“There’s plenty besides metal,” the commander explained, “for one the parts in this thing are manufactured to far more precision than the human hand could manage. But even past that, these things carry vast stocks of coal and water, both of which can be hard to come across.”
“Not to mention oil for lubrication,” his second in command added.
“Finally there’s weapons and ammo, without access to factories of our own this is our best source of munitions.”
“Makes sense,” I nodded, “what’s the world like? Humanity still out there?”
“I don’t know about the world at large, but there’s a decent number of us hiding out within the machine’s territory,” sighed the commander, waving to a group of what appeared to be steam powered cars to pull up, each of them pulling a large cart for supplies, “to give you the short history of the war, a dozen years back the machine came online, with orders to expand. So it did, and hasn’t stopped yet. Everywhere it goes it turns into wastelands like this,” he motioned to the endless expanse of flat desert around us, “mountains, forests, lakes, doesn’t matter, it bulldozes it flat and builds factories or mines.”
“Why flatten everything?” I ask.
“Defense,” the Harmony answered, the commander nodding, “it relies on sonar for detection so fewer obstacles the better.”
“That was our guess too,” agreed the army man, “there are a few places it wasn’t able to pave, where we’ve been able to survive. In our case we live in a volcano, the damned thing tried to dig it out before the magma forced it to give up.”
“What about other nations? Surely not all of humanity has fallen.”
“On that front I admit to having less information,” he shrugged, “a few years ago we heard rumors that people outside managed to stall it, though I’m not sure how.”
“It seems to understand some natural phenomena can’t be overcome,” the Harmony commented, “perhaps they found a way to trigger that response along the entire front?”
“Good a theory as any?”
“I’m curious as to who would build such a thing,” I said, motioning to the mega-train, “I can’t think of much of a use for this kind of device.”
The commander looked around, nodding to his second in command who turned and left to coordinate the salvaging operation.
“Come with me,” he said, leading me away from the tracks. For several minutes we walked back towards where his men had dug in to assault the train. They were busy packing up the large guns that I recognized as being the main weapon of the train, only modified to rest on a foldable base and operate without clockwork. More steam-cars were being used to pull the guns once they were folded away, a half dozen tents of various sizes had been set up, the largest of which was white with a large red cross. It was also easily the busiest, with nurses and wounded constantly moving in and out at a frantic pace.
The commander led me into one of the side tents that appeared to be a makeshift command post, tables covered with maps filled the space, leaving little room to walk.
“Since you helped us out I’ll tell you what we know about the origins of the damned machine, but this is sensitive information, so don’t go sharing it around,” he warned me with a long glare before continuing, “the official story is the machine went rogue, some fault caused it to refuse to shut down. From then it’s simply kept expanding, seeing humanity as a danger.”
“That was our theory,” the Harmony replied.
“Unfortunately its not true,” he sighed, “the creator deliberately ensured his machines wouldn’t shut down. The flaw was intentional, exactly the same fault is found in every one of the base plans the machines use.”
“Why would he do that?” I asked.
“The man was brilliant, but in the end he seemed to go crazy. We don’t have much information about the last years or exactly what pushed him over the edge, but he seemed to think this was the only way to, as he put it, ‘defeat eternity.’ We think something drove him insane and he thought the universe itself was out to get him.”
“That’s,” the harmony started, but didn’t continue. We’d encountered multiple people who’d mentioned eternity by now, the most memorable was the man from the unchanging world. But the Conductor and a few others had brought it up by now.
“Ya, crazy,” the commander shrugged, seeming to take the Harmony’s comment another way.
“If true it’ll make fixing this thing much harder,” the Harmony said, “ordering a simple repair of damaged parts is one thing, but fixing a design flaw purposefully built into the blueprints of the entire mechanism?”
“Yup,” he sighed, “honestly our best bet is to just keep taking out trains where we can and hope to eventually out last them.”
“There might be another way,” the Harmony said slowly, “I noticed the machines only use a single frequence of sonar. Is that true across all their units?”
“Yes, near as I can remember,” the commander said after a moment.
“I should be able to design a few noise canceling patterns that work on that frequency it should allow you to approach their factories without being noticed.”
“Wait, you can make us invisible?” he asked, leaning forward.
“At least until the machine figures out the trick and varies up the sonar devices,” the Harmony warned, “but if you use it strategically it could net you large wins.”
“Will it work on moving objects?” I asked, “most passive noise cancelling only works on static objects, like in rooms.”
“It should, only because the machine uses a single frequency for its sonar,” the Harmony replied, sending me a series of calculations it wanted me to run through our datalink, “and it won’t be perfect, anyone using it will have to be exceptionally careful to not make too much noise or bump anything that could tip off the machine.”
“If its easier to hide immobile objects, then could you hide a derailing device?” the commander asked, starting to look excited, “if we could reliably derail the trains without them knowing why we might be able to starve out a section.”
“Stationary things are easier,” it agreed, looking over the results of the calculations I sent back. Its image projection crystal flickered on, displaying blueprints for a couple devices on the table, “I don’t know if a standard train derailer is enough to force a train of that size off the tracks, but you should be able to double the size of the one here without impacting its effectiveness.”
The commander’s eyes grew wide as the image appeared, rushing to the entrance of the tent and shouting for someone. In a minute a half dozen people were present, copying the diagrams along with a few variations the Harmony added.
“Hard to believe a few odd angles can disrupt sonar so easily,” one of the techs remarked, looking over one of the blueprints.
“It’s only possible because the Harmony is an entity basically made of sound,” I replied, “I doubt I could come up with something like this.”
“And I have to stress, this will only work until the machines change their sonar frequency,” the Harmony added, “as soon as they catch on these devices will become ineffective.”
“But could you design new patterns for whatever frequency they switch to?” the tech asked.
“No, if the machine is smart, and it seems smart enough, it’ll start using a few different frequencies. A single pattern can only cover a single frequency effectively.”
“Still, making a change like that across the machine’s hundreds of facilities and thousands of trains is a slow process,” the commander said, “even if it catches on, we could have years before all of it is altered to counter this.”
“Very true,” the Harmony agreed, its crystals even bobbing as if mimicking a nod, “it’s not a permanent fix, but it’ll help.”
“Speaking of, we encountered something odd,” one of the technicians spoke up, “seems like you understand the machine better than most, perhaps you can help us figure it out?”
“Sure,” I shrug, motioning for him to lead the way. Ten minutes later I’m in the mega-train once more, looking at a bank of gears arranged in a chaotic, but clearly intentional pattern.
“Right there, see those main gear trains?” the man asked, pointing at a cluster of mechanical bits that stood out against the rest, “that appears to be the main protocol mechanical computing, they’re what tell it what is or isn’t part of the protocols, if something violates them, and so on.”
“Right,” I nod, only to scowl, “one set of gears per protocol?”
“Yup,” he nodded.
“Then why are there four sets?”
“That’s what confused us,” he replied, “this place is directly above the engine room so we’ve never captured it intact before, so we’ve never noticed the extra-protocol set.”
“A back up?” the Harmony offered, “or error correction?”
“I don’t think so, it doesn’t match any of the other stacks, and error correction is over there,” he pointed to another set of gears, “you seemed to be well informed, maybe you could shine some light on this?”
“Seems pretty obvious to me,” I said, looking up to see both the tech and the Harmony staring at me, “what? Clearly there’s a fourth, hidden, protocol.”
“There’s only three protocols though,” the tech replied, “expand, defend, seek approval, we’ve known that for years.”
“Seems like the machine has a fourth,” I countered, pointing at the extra gear stack, “perhaps something secret the designer put in without anyone knowing?”
“Or the machine is evolving,” the Harmony replied softly, earning an alarmed look from me, “it seems quite rigid but, like you said, it’s been operating for years. If it can alter the design of its trains, then why not its own computation systems?”
“that’s… worrying,” the tech remarked, “honestly I hope its like the Traveler said, that it’s a hidden protocol.”
“Either case shouldn’t matter much,” I said, “there’s a limit to how fast mechanical systems can process data. It should hit a limit to how far it can evolve if that’s what’s happening.”
“I disagree,” the Harmony countered, “I’m living proof that multiple overlapping systems can produce intelligence far beyond what individual parts could come up with. Sound can only carry so much information at a time, but I can operate far beyond that limit due to my nature. It could stumble upon something similar for mechanical computers.”
“Seems unlikely,” I replied, and the Harmony didn’t disagree, but the thought was worrying regardless.
***** Discord - Patreon *****
submitted by Arceroth to HFY [link] [comments]
“Yup,” I said nervously.
“Okay,” he replied after a moment.
“That’s it?” I asked, surprised.
“Good an explanation as any,” he shrugged, “considering you took down that war train and aren’t objecting to us taking it, I’m prepared to give you at your word.”
“What are you scavenging it for anyways?” I asked, turning to look at the massive vehicle, “you that hard up for metal?”
“There’s plenty besides metal,” the commander explained, “for one the parts in this thing are manufactured to far more precision than the human hand could manage. But even past that, these things carry vast stocks of coal and water, both of which can be hard to come across.”
“Not to mention oil for lubrication,” his second in command added.
“Finally there’s weapons and ammo, without access to factories of our own this is our best source of munitions.”
“Makes sense,” I nodded, “what’s the world like? Humanity still out there?”
“I don’t know about the world at large, but there’s a decent number of us hiding out within the machine’s territory,” sighed the commander, waving to a group of what appeared to be steam powered cars to pull up, each of them pulling a large cart for supplies, “to give you the short history of the war, a dozen years back the machine came online, with orders to expand. So it did, and hasn’t stopped yet. Everywhere it goes it turns into wastelands like this,” he motioned to the endless expanse of flat desert around us, “mountains, forests, lakes, doesn’t matter, it bulldozes it flat and builds factories or mines.”
“Why flatten everything?” I ask.
“Defense,” the Harmony answered, the commander nodding, “it relies on sonar for detection so fewer obstacles the better.”
“That was our guess too,” agreed the army man, “there are a few places it wasn’t able to pave, where we’ve been able to survive. In our case we live in a volcano, the damned thing tried to dig it out before the magma forced it to give up.”
“What about other nations? Surely not all of humanity has fallen.”
“On that front I admit to having less information,” he shrugged, “a few years ago we heard rumors that people outside managed to stall it, though I’m not sure how.”
“It seems to understand some natural phenomena can’t be overcome,” the Harmony commented, “perhaps they found a way to trigger that response along the entire front?”
“Good a theory as any?”
“I’m curious as to who would build such a thing,” I said, motioning to the mega-train, “I can’t think of much of a use for this kind of device.”
The commander looked around, nodding to his second in command who turned and left to coordinate the salvaging operation.
“Come with me,” he said, leading me away from the tracks. For several minutes we walked back towards where his men had dug in to assault the train. They were busy packing up the large guns that I recognized as being the main weapon of the train, only modified to rest on a foldable base and operate without clockwork. More steam-cars were being used to pull the guns once they were folded away, a half dozen tents of various sizes had been set up, the largest of which was white with a large red cross. It was also easily the busiest, with nurses and wounded constantly moving in and out at a frantic pace.
The commander led me into one of the side tents that appeared to be a makeshift command post, tables covered with maps filled the space, leaving little room to walk.
“Since you helped us out I’ll tell you what we know about the origins of the damned machine, but this is sensitive information, so don’t go sharing it around,” he warned me with a long glare before continuing, “the official story is the machine went rogue, some fault caused it to refuse to shut down. From then it’s simply kept expanding, seeing humanity as a danger.”
“That was our theory,” the Harmony replied.
“Unfortunately its not true,” he sighed, “the creator deliberately ensured his machines wouldn’t shut down. The flaw was intentional, exactly the same fault is found in every one of the base plans the machines use.”
“Why would he do that?” I asked.
“The man was brilliant, but in the end he seemed to go crazy. We don’t have much information about the last years or exactly what pushed him over the edge, but he seemed to think this was the only way to, as he put it, ‘defeat eternity.’ We think something drove him insane and he thought the universe itself was out to get him.”
“That’s,” the harmony started, but didn’t continue. We’d encountered multiple people who’d mentioned eternity by now, the most memorable was the man from the unchanging world. But the Conductor and a few others had brought it up by now.
“Ya, crazy,” the commander shrugged, seeming to take the Harmony’s comment another way.
“If true it’ll make fixing this thing much harder,” the Harmony said, “ordering a simple repair of damaged parts is one thing, but fixing a design flaw purposefully built into the blueprints of the entire mechanism?”
“Yup,” he sighed, “honestly our best bet is to just keep taking out trains where we can and hope to eventually out last them.”
“There might be another way,” the Harmony said slowly, “I noticed the machines only use a single frequence of sonar. Is that true across all their units?”
“Yes, near as I can remember,” the commander said after a moment.
“I should be able to design a few noise canceling patterns that work on that frequency it should allow you to approach their factories without being noticed.”
“Wait, you can make us invisible?” he asked, leaning forward.
“At least until the machine figures out the trick and varies up the sonar devices,” the Harmony warned, “but if you use it strategically it could net you large wins.”
“Will it work on moving objects?” I asked, “most passive noise cancelling only works on static objects, like in rooms.”
“It should, only because the machine uses a single frequency for its sonar,” the Harmony replied, sending me a series of calculations it wanted me to run through our datalink, “and it won’t be perfect, anyone using it will have to be exceptionally careful to not make too much noise or bump anything that could tip off the machine.”
“If its easier to hide immobile objects, then could you hide a derailing device?” the commander asked, starting to look excited, “if we could reliably derail the trains without them knowing why we might be able to starve out a section.”
“Stationary things are easier,” it agreed, looking over the results of the calculations I sent back. Its image projection crystal flickered on, displaying blueprints for a couple devices on the table, “I don’t know if a standard train derailer is enough to force a train of that size off the tracks, but you should be able to double the size of the one here without impacting its effectiveness.”
The commander’s eyes grew wide as the image appeared, rushing to the entrance of the tent and shouting for someone. In a minute a half dozen people were present, copying the diagrams along with a few variations the Harmony added.
“Hard to believe a few odd angles can disrupt sonar so easily,” one of the techs remarked, looking over one of the blueprints.
“It’s only possible because the Harmony is an entity basically made of sound,” I replied, “I doubt I could come up with something like this.”
“And I have to stress, this will only work until the machines change their sonar frequency,” the Harmony added, “as soon as they catch on these devices will become ineffective.”
“But could you design new patterns for whatever frequency they switch to?” the tech asked.
“No, if the machine is smart, and it seems smart enough, it’ll start using a few different frequencies. A single pattern can only cover a single frequency effectively.”
“Still, making a change like that across the machine’s hundreds of facilities and thousands of trains is a slow process,” the commander said, “even if it catches on, we could have years before all of it is altered to counter this.”
“Very true,” the Harmony agreed, its crystals even bobbing as if mimicking a nod, “it’s not a permanent fix, but it’ll help.”
“Speaking of, we encountered something odd,” one of the technicians spoke up, “seems like you understand the machine better than most, perhaps you can help us figure it out?”
“Sure,” I shrug, motioning for him to lead the way. Ten minutes later I’m in the mega-train once more, looking at a bank of gears arranged in a chaotic, but clearly intentional pattern.
“Right there, see those main gear trains?” the man asked, pointing at a cluster of mechanical bits that stood out against the rest, “that appears to be the main protocol mechanical computing, they’re what tell it what is or isn’t part of the protocols, if something violates them, and so on.”
“Right,” I nod, only to scowl, “one set of gears per protocol?”
“Yup,” he nodded.
“Then why are there four sets?”
“That’s what confused us,” he replied, “this place is directly above the engine room so we’ve never captured it intact before, so we’ve never noticed the extra-protocol set.”
“A back up?” the Harmony offered, “or error correction?”
“I don’t think so, it doesn’t match any of the other stacks, and error correction is over there,” he pointed to another set of gears, “you seemed to be well informed, maybe you could shine some light on this?”
“Seems pretty obvious to me,” I said, looking up to see both the tech and the Harmony staring at me, “what? Clearly there’s a fourth, hidden, protocol.”
“There’s only three protocols though,” the tech replied, “expand, defend, seek approval, we’ve known that for years.”
“Seems like the machine has a fourth,” I countered, pointing at the extra gear stack, “perhaps something secret the designer put in without anyone knowing?”
“Or the machine is evolving,” the Harmony replied softly, earning an alarmed look from me, “it seems quite rigid but, like you said, it’s been operating for years. If it can alter the design of its trains, then why not its own computation systems?”
“that’s… worrying,” the tech remarked, “honestly I hope its like the Traveler said, that it’s a hidden protocol.”
“Either case shouldn’t matter much,” I said, “there’s a limit to how fast mechanical systems can process data. It should hit a limit to how far it can evolve if that’s what’s happening.”
“I disagree,” the Harmony countered, “I’m living proof that multiple overlapping systems can produce intelligence far beyond what individual parts could come up with. Sound can only carry so much information at a time, but I can operate far beyond that limit due to my nature. It could stumble upon something similar for mechanical computers.”
“Seems unlikely,” I replied, and the Harmony didn’t disagree, but the thought was worrying regardless.
***** Discord - Patreon *****
2024.06.01 14:47 mcveddit Advice for making my adult party (backyard BBQ) baby and new-parent friendly?
Hi, I have no kids and I need advice!
I'm throwing a party for my 35th birthday (Saturday, mid-August).
A handful of friends have had babies in the last few months/weeks. Many others have toddlers and kids up to 9/10 years old.
How can I best accommodate new parents and their kids? I have been to plenty of baby and kid birthday parties, so I am not entirely clueless about activities, but I am sure there are a lot of considerations for new parents that I would not be aware of.
Some ideas and questions. Please let me know what I am doing wrong and what I am leaving out.
I want everyone important, friends and family, to be there. I don't usually make my birthday a big thing, but I am turning 35 and my GF and I are a few years away from being ready to have kids. I'm the fun uncle so I want the babies to be accommodated and my niece and nephew to want to stay. Thanks!!
submitted by mcveddit to NewParents [link] [comments]
I'm throwing a party for my 35th birthday (Saturday, mid-August).
A handful of friends have had babies in the last few months/weeks. Many others have toddlers and kids up to 9/10 years old.
How can I best accommodate new parents and their kids? I have been to plenty of baby and kid birthday parties, so I am not entirely clueless about activities, but I am sure there are a lot of considerations for new parents that I would not be aware of.
Some ideas and questions. Please let me know what I am doing wrong and what I am leaving out.
- Invites -- I assume new parents will default to "no", but I would like to be able to say I've made the party "baby friendly" so they can at least stop by. Maybe a small window of time, even prior to the start time for adults. Thoughts?
- Entertainment -- I plan to have a small kid's table with coloring books, stickers, maybe temporary tattoos. I may be able to borrow a Little Tikes bounce house. I will get those easy hose-inflatable water balloons, bubbles,Any other ideas?
- Food -- IDK what is best for babies or picky eaters. Lots of water and juice boxes accessible. Grilled cheese. Ice pops (and I'm thinking about arranging for the ice cream truck to stop by or doing ice cream sundaes). Later, there will be a fire and smores.
- Comfort/safety -- I have a nice outdoor couch. Ill have plenty of shade. Lots of fans in case it's hot. There will be music playing over speakers.
- In-ground pool -- Can't avoid this one. Once you're in my backyard, there is no fence or gate to the pool. It also has a ladder instead of steps. Should I get some floaties? I have plenty of floats and pool noodles. It's never been a problem before.
- Inside -- It's usually quiet inside while we have parties. I only have 1 bathroom. Should I set up a changing table or nursing area? I can let them in my room.
I want everyone important, friends and family, to be there. I don't usually make my birthday a big thing, but I am turning 35 and my GF and I are a few years away from being ready to have kids. I'm the fun uncle so I want the babies to be accommodated and my niece and nephew to want to stay. Thanks!!
2024.06.01 14:44 phinnzo Destruction mission
I’m playing on merciful and I thought it would be really easy and for the most part is has been but yesterday i encountered my first destruction mission and wow that shit was so hard. I get to the room where the inquisitor starts the death ritual and there’s about 5 plants shooting sludge at me as soon as I walk in and that alone made it almost impossible to beat. On top of that the never ending reinforcements coming in from portals made it to where I could never decide to deal with them or ignore them. Eventually after about my 3rd attempt I hard closed the game and didn’t come back to it for hours. When I did come back and booted up the mission again it gave me a completely different map and enemy types that were way more forgiving and I easily beat it. Did the game just give me a free win because I was struggling? lol
submitted by phinnzo to ChaosGateGame [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 14:43 copywriter_wwa Suggest some A names please
Looking for A names for our newborn daughter. I feel like I’ve seen every name out there but I’m not 100% on anything on our list so maybe there’s something I missed that’s similar to what we have here:
List: Adelina Alessia Ava Angelina Alessandra Angelia (does this sound too made up? How did you pronounce it? It’s supposed to be like Angelina without the n)
We mostly like A names that are Italian-ish and girly. Ends in A and usually has an L. We don’t like names with all hard sounds like aroura. We don’t mind popular and don’t like anything too unique or that sounds made up or hard to say/spell.
Thank you
submitted by copywriter_wwa to namenerds [link] [comments]
List: Adelina Alessia Ava Angelina Alessandra Angelia (does this sound too made up? How did you pronounce it? It’s supposed to be like Angelina without the n)
We mostly like A names that are Italian-ish and girly. Ends in A and usually has an L. We don’t like names with all hard sounds like aroura. We don’t mind popular and don’t like anything too unique or that sounds made up or hard to say/spell.
Thank you
2024.06.01 14:43 WeekendHungry733 Cryptocurrency Beta Testing Scams
 | Imagine this: You’re scrolling through Telegram, minding your own digital business, when suddenly, a message pops up. It’s from someone you’ve never met, but they found you in a shared group—a serendipitous digital crossing of paths. Intrigued, you engage, only to be introduced to another figure, a mysterious character in this unfolding digital tale. The plot thickens: they’re on a quest, searching far and wide for individuals who stand tall, quite literally, in the crowd. submitted by WeekendHungry733 to u/WeekendHungry733 [link] [comments] But it’s not just about stature; it’s about ambition, the drive to scale new heights. And in this case, those heights are paved with the shimmering allure of cryptocurrency. They speak of a golden opportunity, a chance to join forces and venture into the vast, volatile sea of digital currency together. It’s an adventure that promises the thrill of the chase and the allure of lucrative rewards. What lies ahead? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: in the digital realm, where fortunes can be made and lost in the blink of an eye, every message could begin a new journey. https://preview.redd.it/7grgonu2hy3d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=496897260ae3b9062be741185125273651beef91 If you would like to earn on crypto, you can choose more safety ways. I have shared my experience in other articles, for example, about how to earn on a TON project or trading quantum strategy. In this short article, I would like to prevent you from losing your money because of unknowns. Scammers become smarter, and their methods become more and more cruel. Take 2 minutes to read to save your money. How Beta Testing Scammers Act? (Scam story)The legend is that they are searching for people who would like to earn with them on crypto.In Bali, I met a 23-year-old who had figured out how to make a fortune online. Curious, I asked if he could teach a friend of mine. He asked me, “Why would I create my own competition?” That hit me hard. It was a clear lesson that people who know how to make money, especially in areas like investing and crypto, aren’t going to share their secrets easily. Since my twenties, when I started exploring investments and cryptocurrencies, I’ve been looking for scams. I’ve learned to dig deep to understand how each scheme works. The journey taught me that offers of easy money are usually traps for the unwary. https://reddit.com/link/1d5m5ju/video/jszjslr5hy3d1/player He inquired about my experience with cryptocurrencies. After I shared a brief overview, he quickly suggested we have a short call. https://preview.redd.it/gs9glq84hy3d1.png?width=815&format=png&auto=webp&s=670138d25a3ddef622a5eb84a49a0ba17dfce07d Next red flag – personal talk. Scammers will try to make you an emotional maker; the primary things they operate on are your time and attention. After the short talk, he offered to try to earn on beta testing. What is beta testing?Beta testing in crypto projects shares the core principles of beta testing in software development, tailored to the unique environment and requirements of the cryptocurrency and blockchain industry. This phase involves releasing a project’s features—such as smart contracts, decentralized applications (dApps), platforms, or even new cryptocurrencies—to a selected group of external users before a full-scale public launch. The goals and processes are similar to traditional software beta testing but with a focus on aspects critical to crypto projects:Crypto projects often engage the community through beta testing phases, rewarding testers with tokens, exclusive access, or other incentives. This approach helps refine the project and builds a base of early supporters and users. Given blockchain technology’s experimental and rapidly evolving nature, beta testing is a critical step in the development process, ensuring projects are robust, secure, and ready for the wider market. RemunerationRemuneration for beta testing in crypto projects can vary widely and depends on the project developers’ goals, budget, and policies. Some projects offer compensation or incentives to beta testers, while others might not. Here are a few common forms of remuneration or incentives that might be offered to beta testers in crypto projects:Tokens or Cryptocurrency: Many crypto projects offer tokens or a certain amount of cryptocurrency as a reward for participating in the beta testing phase. This compensates testers and encourages the use and holding of the project’s tokens. Early Access: Beta testers might be given early access to features or services available on the platform. This can be considered non-monetary compensation, especially if the project is popular. Exclusive Features: Some projects might offer exclusive features or benefits to beta testers once they go live. These could include lower fees, special statuses, or access to premium features. Recognition: Recognition within the project’s community, such as being listed on the project’s website or receiving a special badge or title, can also be a form of remuneration. For many enthusiasts, being acknowledged as a contributor to a project’s success is highly rewarding. Swag or Merchandise: Physical items such as T-shirts, stickers, or other branded merchandise might be offered as a token of appreciation for beta testers’ contributions. Free or Discounted Services: If the project involves a service with a subscription fee, beta testers might receive free or discounted rates. How to track beta testing?Getting involved in the beta testing of a crypto project requires staying informed and connected with the cryptocurrency and blockchain community. Here are several strategies to discover beta testing opportunities in crypto projects:
3d red flag – scammers use emotional triggers:
Time and attention. Scammers will follow you on each step and try to do all you won’t contact any other person\ consult with someone\ or investigate the field. Most importantly, you can’t find the information from open sources. In my case, it is because “The info is very expensive and from insiders.” When my colleague entered the room, he asked me if he didn’t disturb me to be aware I was with him. Beta testing scamWe accessed the exchange account, and he mentioned that I could use any account that fits my preferences. He also noted that the starting amount could be anything, even as low as $50, just to help me understand the process.Then we buy the coin WAXP and https://preview.redd.it/46hpsyw7hy3d1.png?width=1537&format=png&auto=webp&s=90459d4df7a50c6527de28d0ae38c3603eeb3a2d asked to copy the MEMO code https://preview.redd.it/bi9dhd39hy3d1.png?width=564&format=png&auto=webp&s=6326a4a7234ce05ba81fd426b36929119c905218 And then I should transfer funds to testnetwax15 https://preview.redd.it/naai0x1ahy3d1.png?width=656&format=png&auto=webp&s=f794ec46dd897894c74d420655f4f9ee5b568f43 Of course, with a MEMO. Then, in 10 minutes, I received the sum I invested + 3% from this sum. https://preview.redd.it/zhn2sh7bhy3d1.png?width=417&format=png&auto=webp&s=fce255fe69fed7fd2309dca93de88aed86b3eb36 But we needed to do it together three times, and then I could earn it myself. The key moment came when I mentioned investing $1000, at which point the scammer said he wasn’t interested in guiding me if that was all I was considering. However, this contradicted what I was initially told—that the minimum investment amount was irrelevant since their take would be 50% of the total profits. And then I told him I didn’t think I was ready for 5k. He asked me to proceed and then to think. Of course, if I see good returns a couple of times, my greed will be on top. On the internet, there is no info about WAXP beta testing. But I found this wallet: Imagine this: You’re scrolling through Telegram, minding your own digital business, when suddenly, a message pops up. It’s from someone you’ve never met, but they found you in a shared group—a serendipitous digital crossing of paths. Intrigued, you engage, only to be introduced to another figure, a mysterious character in this unfolding digital tale. The plot thickens: they’re on a quest, searching far and wide for individuals who stand tall, quite literally, in the crowd. https://preview.redd.it/jcnqjxwchy3d1.png?width=522&format=png&auto=webp&s=e4473742d49f065d5e133b989aece7461e2c082c But it’s not just about stature; it’s about ambition, the drive to scale new heights. And in this case, those heights are paved with the shimmering allure of cryptocurrency. They speak of a golden opportunity, a chance to join forces and venture into the vast, volatile sea of digital currency together. It’s an adventure that promises the thrill of the chase and the allure of lucrative rewards. What lies ahead? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: in the digital realm, where fortunes can be made and lost in the blink of an eye, every message could begin a new journey. |
2024.06.01 14:42 Minute-Stretch1180 The Versatility and Benefits of Corrugated Plastic Sheets
 | https://preview.redd.it/8fbzpcq5hy3d1.jpg?width=2500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f98cbbc9468512c2e1725bc074156758486c0bd3 submitted by Minute-Stretch1180 to u/Minute-Stretch1180 [link] [comments] Corrugated plastic sheets are a highly versatile and durable material widely used across various industries. Made from high-impact polypropylene copolymer or polyethylene, these sheets offer numerous advantages, making them an ideal choice for applications ranging from packaging to construction. Key Benefits of Corrugated Plastic Sheets:
Corrugated plastic sheets are a versatile, durable, and eco-friendly material suitable for a wide range of applications. Their strength, lightweight nature, and recyclability make them an excellent choice for industries such as packaging, construction, signage, and agriculture. By choosing corrugated plastic sheets, businesses can benefit from a reliable and sustainable solution that meets their diverse needs. |
2024.06.01 14:41 ZestyDrake_ Why do I keep hurting my own feelings 🤦🏻♀️
So new account cuz ex knows my reddit account and I don't want to risk him finding out what are my actual thoughts.
So I have been in a high for the past few days (Was extremely depressed and concerning suicidal a week before) and haven't thought of my ex that much. I randomly got hit by thoughts of him today and I just immediately breakdown. I started thinking about how the sweet promises he made and in love he was with me. Like even start thinking of how easy he left me. I even stalked his account and got hurt with what I found like I already told myself to not do it 💀
I don't know why I keep doing things that destroy my neutralness. Like I knew I would be devastated with the actions I'm going to do but yet I do it. Like I'm not sad nor happy and I'm content with it. Idek what I'm talking about, I'm just yapping at this point. Like can anyone relate?
submitted by ZestyDrake_ to BPD [link] [comments]
So I have been in a high for the past few days (Was extremely depressed and concerning suicidal a week before) and haven't thought of my ex that much. I randomly got hit by thoughts of him today and I just immediately breakdown. I started thinking about how the sweet promises he made and in love he was with me. Like even start thinking of how easy he left me. I even stalked his account and got hurt with what I found like I already told myself to not do it 💀
I don't know why I keep doing things that destroy my neutralness. Like I knew I would be devastated with the actions I'm going to do but yet I do it. Like I'm not sad nor happy and I'm content with it. Idek what I'm talking about, I'm just yapping at this point. Like can anyone relate?
2024.06.01 14:33 MountainSkald [A Valkyrie's Saga] - Part 112
Prequel (Chapters 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
Prequel (Chapters 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
submitted by MountainSkald to redditserials [link] [comments]
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
Prequel (Chapters 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
2024.06.01 14:31 Accurate_Advance6903 A reflection and preview of the final - the culmination and completeness of Real Madrid
TL;DR Chapter preface.
1 Team spirit and perseverance to overcome injuries and the collective effort to win
2 Carlo’s coaching what’s best for the club and not his style adapting against the opponent
3 How ancelotti built the team around the regista - Toni kroos
4 Dortmund’s run to the final and tactics
5 Real Madrid don’t play finals they win them. The unique decades long tradition that will make Madrid win the champions league.
1.
I wanted to take a moment before the final to write about our season. I have written about our previous two knockout ties against city and Bayern but now we have finally arrived to the summit of our season and the summit of a Real Madrid team which we won’t see in the same way without our maestro and conductor - Toni Kroos.
I’m sure a lot of our fans would agree that if you would had to tell me at the start of the season after losing our starting GK and 2 CBs to ACLs (unprecedented in its own regard) and lose the likes of Vini, Tchou and Camavinga for long stretches that we would win the league dominantly with 95 points by over performing our expected XG and reach the champions league final - I would ask you to put down the crack.
But yet here we are almost 9 months later ready to compete to win our 15th what a privilege for our fans to witness this moment. In an interview recently after eliminating Bayern, Carlo said that this was the best group of players he has ever managed. The fact that he said that having coached the likes of legends in Madrid and Milan of the past speaks volumes of the perseverance and team spirit we have shown this season. The team like he said “never complained” and worked hard to overcome all the obstacles thrown at us. We only lost once in the league against atletico and that loss opened our eyes on what we had to fix defensively when we realised we we weren’t defending well from our right side having conceded from crosses. The tweaks made whether it was getting Fede to be more of a defensive workhouse, getting Vini to play centrally, asking Jude to play the free 10 role or making rodrygo and Vini interchange from the left. These are not easy things to do and players need time to adapt but this team has done a momentous job shifting from a 4-3-3 and adapting to a diamond 4-3-1-2 or rather a 4-4-2, and playing for the needs of the team.
We have ALWAYS eliminated the title holders in the UCL era whenever we have faced them in the knockout rounds. And guess what ? Each time that happens we go on to win the champions league!
1998 - Dortmund in SF agg (2-0) we Win the UCL
2000 - Manchester United in QF agg (3-2) we Win the UCL
2002- Bayern Munich in QF agg (3-2) we Win the UCL
2014- PEP’S Bayern Munich in SF agg (5-0) we Win the UCL
2022- Chelsea in QF agg (5-4) we Win the UCL
2024 - Man City in QF … ⏳
So Madridistas I would like to end this reflection by saying that no matter what I am super proud of what we have achieved this season it is the culmination and the complete rebuild of Madrid that will never stop winning.
HASTA EL FINAL, VAMOS REAL!
submitted by Accurate_Advance6903 to realmadrid [link] [comments]
1 Team spirit and perseverance to overcome injuries and the collective effort to win
2 Carlo’s coaching what’s best for the club and not his style adapting against the opponent
3 How ancelotti built the team around the regista - Toni kroos
4 Dortmund’s run to the final and tactics
5 Real Madrid don’t play finals they win them. The unique decades long tradition that will make Madrid win the champions league.
1.
I wanted to take a moment before the final to write about our season. I have written about our previous two knockout ties against city and Bayern but now we have finally arrived to the summit of our season and the summit of a Real Madrid team which we won’t see in the same way without our maestro and conductor - Toni Kroos.
I’m sure a lot of our fans would agree that if you would had to tell me at the start of the season after losing our starting GK and 2 CBs to ACLs (unprecedented in its own regard) and lose the likes of Vini, Tchou and Camavinga for long stretches that we would win the league dominantly with 95 points by over performing our expected XG and reach the champions league final - I would ask you to put down the crack.
But yet here we are almost 9 months later ready to compete to win our 15th what a privilege for our fans to witness this moment. In an interview recently after eliminating Bayern, Carlo said that this was the best group of players he has ever managed. The fact that he said that having coached the likes of legends in Madrid and Milan of the past speaks volumes of the perseverance and team spirit we have shown this season. The team like he said “never complained” and worked hard to overcome all the obstacles thrown at us. We only lost once in the league against atletico and that loss opened our eyes on what we had to fix defensively when we realised we we weren’t defending well from our right side having conceded from crosses. The tweaks made whether it was getting Fede to be more of a defensive workhouse, getting Vini to play centrally, asking Jude to play the free 10 role or making rodrygo and Vini interchange from the left. These are not easy things to do and players need time to adapt but this team has done a momentous job shifting from a 4-3-3 and adapting to a diamond 4-3-1-2 or rather a 4-4-2, and playing for the needs of the team.
- This is where I would like to talk about Ancelotti and his ability to manage based on what the club needs rather than his own personal style. The reason why Madrid are historically successful is because they don’t have a “style” they adapt and have the clutch factor to win when it matters and achieve the unprecedented.
- Carlo spoke of his regret when he coached Parma and had the opportunity to sign baggio who was a 10 and one on the best players in the world then, but Carlo refused to sign him because he was adamant to play with 2 strikers. When he coached juventus he realised the importance of incorporating a certain Zinedine Zidane as the central figure of the team.
- I think we can all agree that when you look at our side of the bracket in our run of the champions league, every team in our bracket would mop the floor with the teams in dortmund’s side of the bracket. I’m not saying Dortmund don’t deserve to be in the final they have earned to be there playing a defensive approach that sees the entire team defend when they need to. They have fast paced dribblers in sancho and adeyemi and a physical box presence in fullcrug. Their centre backs rank the highest in long ball passes in Europe and they play in quick transitions like a German team. They’ve shown resilience to overcome their opponents but let’s not forget they did top the group of death and that is no coincidence. Upon watching their games I think the one that impressed me the most was their win against atletico at home. They have qualities to cause us problem so we should be vary of how we approach them.
- I want to talk about the aura of Madrid in finals and how “Real Madrid don’t play finals, they win them”. Some of you may be supporting them for the first time in a final while for some they may have lost track. Personally this will be the sixth time I will be watching them play the champions league final and in my heart I know we will win it. Real humility lies in accepting that your opponent can beat you even if you are the favourite but Real perseverance lies in knowing that we will never give up no matter what. That is forever ingrained in me from 10 years ago when Sergio Ramos equalised in 92:48 to make us destroy atletico 4-1. I have since watched us win from going behind early on, winning in penalties and brutally destroying our opponents. Just like Carlo says I cannot explain what it is but there is something special about this club, it’s the winning dna, the spirit of juanito the comeback mentality, the myth and legend of this club and shirt that allows us to transcend and excel.
We have ALWAYS eliminated the title holders in the UCL era whenever we have faced them in the knockout rounds. And guess what ? Each time that happens we go on to win the champions league!
1998 - Dortmund in SF agg (2-0) we Win the UCL
2000 - Manchester United in QF agg (3-2) we Win the UCL
2002- Bayern Munich in QF agg (3-2) we Win the UCL
2014- PEP’S Bayern Munich in SF agg (5-0) we Win the UCL
2022- Chelsea in QF agg (5-4) we Win the UCL
2024 - Man City in QF … ⏳
So Madridistas I would like to end this reflection by saying that no matter what I am super proud of what we have achieved this season it is the culmination and the complete rebuild of Madrid that will never stop winning.
HASTA EL FINAL, VAMOS REAL!
2024.06.01 14:30 MountainSkald A Valkyrie's Saga - Part 112
Prequel (Parts 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
Prequel (Parts 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
submitted by MountainSkald to HFY [link] [comments]
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
Prequel (Parts 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
2024.06.01 14:30 SaltNo8237 Free AI Resume Writer
Hey everyone,
I’m super excited to share something I’ve been working on: ProRes. It's an AI-powered tool that helps you create awesome resumes and cover letters with ease.
Why I Made ProRes
I help do mock technical interviews at my alma mater and I’ve seen so many talented people struggle to get interviews, not because they’re not qualified, but because their resumes and cover letters don’t do them justice. It sucks to see great folks miss out on opportunities just because their application didn’t stand out. That’s why I created ProRes - to help people showcase their skills and experience in the best possible way and boost their chances of landing those interviews.
What’s Cool About prores.ai?
Give it a try and let me know what you think! Your feedback would mean the world to me as I keep working on improving the tool.
Do you think adding a “bot” that would apply to jobs on your behalf would be a cool addition?
submitted by SaltNo8237 to webdev [link] [comments]
I’m super excited to share something I’ve been working on: ProRes. It's an AI-powered tool that helps you create awesome resumes and cover letters with ease.
Why I Made ProRes
I help do mock technical interviews at my alma mater and I’ve seen so many talented people struggle to get interviews, not because they’re not qualified, but because their resumes and cover letters don’t do them justice. It sucks to see great folks miss out on opportunities just because their application didn’t stand out. That’s why I created ProRes - to help people showcase their skills and experience in the best possible way and boost their chances of landing those interviews.
What’s Cool About prores.ai?
- Easy to Use: You don’t need to be a tech wizard or a writing pro to use it.
- AI Magic: Our AI gets the job description and tailors your resume and cover letter to fit perfectly.
- Tailor-Made Applications: Easily customize your resume for specific jobs to make sure it highlights what each employer is looking for.
- Flexible: You can tweak and customize everything to make sure it’s just right for you.
- Saves Time: No more spending hours trying to write the perfect resume or cover letter from scratch.
- Enter Your Info: Pop in your work experience, skills, and all that good stuff.
- Describe the Job: Copy paste the information from the job listing, Title, company, and job description.
- Generate: Let ProRes work its magic and create a polished resume or cover letter for you.
- Customize: Make any tweaks you want in the built in editor to add your personal touch.
Give it a try and let me know what you think! Your feedback would mean the world to me as I keep working on improving the tool.
Do you think adding a “bot” that would apply to jobs on your behalf would be a cool addition?
2024.06.01 14:24 lorrainesglutenfree Gluten free blueberry crusty bread
 | Made with Hand + Heart Gluten Free Artisan Bread Mix. So easy! Just add yeast, water, oil, sweetener. Baked in a Dutch Oven. Recipe link in comment. submitted by lorrainesglutenfree to BreaditGlutenFree [link] [comments] |
2024.06.01 14:22 mayjungberry Even just pretending to be your true self feels just regrettably beautiful
I’m from a place where gender issues are a first-world problem, and I don’t mean to imply the ones actually going through this somewhere else are privileged, because basic human rights essentially are a first-world privilege for us. All that is to say, to think about transitioning is just a fantasy to me at this point.
My online persona has almost always been trans, but then I recently made a facebook as a girl, and I’ve made it believable which is easy, and the experience has been so good that what I stupidly thought of as a fun horny activity has ended up depressing me more. Men of course mostly only pretend to give a shit to what I say, but they don’t fetishize me. And among all the horny incels, there have been a rare few that I’ve kept up regular normal conversations just talking about our problems because we genuinely feel a connection and we both actually listen to each other (which again I regret since I’ll have to end things with all of them because).
And while all this genuine attention is actually nice, I just feel natural and at peace being who I am and that’s the best, and worst, thing of this entire experience. I’ll never get to experience this in this life as a real tangible person. And I wish this life would end already.
submitted by mayjungberry to MtF [link] [comments]
My online persona has almost always been trans, but then I recently made a facebook as a girl, and I’ve made it believable which is easy, and the experience has been so good that what I stupidly thought of as a fun horny activity has ended up depressing me more. Men of course mostly only pretend to give a shit to what I say, but they don’t fetishize me. And among all the horny incels, there have been a rare few that I’ve kept up regular normal conversations just talking about our problems because we genuinely feel a connection and we both actually listen to each other (which again I regret since I’ll have to end things with all of them because).
And while all this genuine attention is actually nice, I just feel natural and at peace being who I am and that’s the best, and worst, thing of this entire experience. I’ll never get to experience this in this life as a real tangible person. And I wish this life would end already.
2024.06.01 14:21 Stringsandattractors How to fill a ‘window’ in internal wall between rooms.
Hi all.
Between my living room and extension there is a ‘window’ in the wall. The window is just a hole approx 2.8m x 1.2m, with wood frame around the inside. I suspect it was made to introduce more light into the kitchen but it does my head in - vapour and smells and sounds all intrude into the living room.
I’d like it filled in, and then plastered on both sides to make a standard wall with no hole.
My question is simple. Is this as ‘easy’ as removing the wood trim, and then using bricks/breezeblocks and mortar to fill it up, and then plaster on the top? I wouldn’t do this myself, I’d be finding someone to do it for me, but I want to check here that conceptually it is fine and there isn’t anything I could overlook.
The other houses in the street are the same layout and they have just a wall.
submitted by Stringsandattractors to DIYUK [link] [comments]
Between my living room and extension there is a ‘window’ in the wall. The window is just a hole approx 2.8m x 1.2m, with wood frame around the inside. I suspect it was made to introduce more light into the kitchen but it does my head in - vapour and smells and sounds all intrude into the living room.
I’d like it filled in, and then plastered on both sides to make a standard wall with no hole.
My question is simple. Is this as ‘easy’ as removing the wood trim, and then using bricks/breezeblocks and mortar to fill it up, and then plaster on the top? I wouldn’t do this myself, I’d be finding someone to do it for me, but I want to check here that conceptually it is fine and there isn’t anything I could overlook.
The other houses in the street are the same layout and they have just a wall.
2024.06.01 14:18 midnightstar_01 Failed driving test 2nd time
Starting to lose hope, failed driving test 2nd time and have spent so much money and time on lessons my instructor said i was an easy pass and was definitely going to pass. Today i felt confident had my test and examiner put on sat nav directions i followed them safely three roundabouts first thing. Then as i was leaving a roundabout my examiner suddenly braked without giving me an explanation. I feel like giving up because i was so ready to pass i have to go to university which is so far away and really need a car to get there. I feel so angry because my examiner made it seem like i was having a mental breakdown when i asked to return to the driving test centre after she had had to intervene on dual controls which was not the case i was simply upset because she had stopped me for no reason and wanted to return to the test centre because i did not see any point in carrying on. She then asked me to park outside the test centre and did not give an explanation to my driving instructor why i had failed and that he would have to ask me what had happened. Now there are not any more tests anywhere and i am more frustrated than upset.
submitted by midnightstar_01 to LearnerDriverUK [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 14:16 Dapper-Pin128 I F 24 am feeling overwhelmed and depressed in my relationship of 7 years with my bf m 24, what do I do when I feel this way?
What do I do? I feel stuck, I love him but I feel like I'm a worse, sadder version of myself when I'm with him sometimes. I have dealt with some family issues with him and he has been with me through so much (throughout 7 years), I've been so stressed from college and family, he's been my rock. He knows every stupid thing I've done in the past, and for the first 2 years would make me feel bad for my past decisions I made as a lonely mentally and physically desperate teen that was used by boys. All I wanted was to be seen and wanted but I was used as an object since middle school until I met Him at 18. I regret the decisions I made and felt so embarrassed that he knew EVERYTHING. I'm not very sexually driven, but he is and I feel like he guilt trips me into doing things I'm not in the mood for.. but I've been raised as a people pleaser so I'm not sure if I'm just making myself feel like I have to or because he was visually express his disappointment until 75% of the time give into it to make him not sad.
We talked about this before and he has told me I never have to do it of I don't want to, but I can tell bt his facial expressions and body language that he actually doesn't care. I say this as I've seen and noticed how, I mentioned to him how much I read into facial expression, yet since then, I have never seen him so persistent by showing me how sad he is that I don't want to give him pleasure. And the second i say, i’ll do it or start something, he would get so excited and happy. Or am i reading too much into it?
I love our deep conversations about life and how we love to watch and analyze movies that have deeper meanings, but I feel like he doesn't value some of my ideas or opinions, trying to correct me on a thought I had or out do me. Sometimes I feel like he tries to attack my intelligence due to how easy it is and how self conscious I am.
I grew up having an optimistic outlook on life, especially due to trying to keep my family happy and make the most out of the time I had with my dad due to his constant deployments throughout my childhood. There's no time to be sad, we need to cherish and make the most out of the time we have with each other. But since being with Him, I've felt a shadow of darkness on my outlook on life. He grww up with a pessimistic outlook, but he was so much happier when we started dating. When I try to lighten the mood, he somehow dampens the room, creating my tries of positivity into, what's the point of trying. I enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I never planned on changing him, but why does he want to change me? I get so excited over the little things, I feel so overjoyed by things like seeing hummingbirds close up to literally anything, but I feel like he makes fun of me for it. I love giving people compliments, from their nails to their stripped pants. It gives me the biggest smile to see their face light up. But why do i feel like I can't be myself around Him? I feel like I'm too much and have to calm down so he doesn't judge me or look at me with a condescending look.
I understand that we need to feel sadness from time to time, but there's something about picking out the little things that gives me thr biggest smile.
I told him how I feel about how certain things make me feel. I'm a emotionally sensitive person and I will cry for making him feel bad. I've never been so anxious in my life, I know college took a lot out of me, but what made it harder was how controlled I felt by Him. I made no friends, I've always had trouble making friends but the people I would find similarities with were with men. Of course. I never had so many similarities with someone before and it was so nice to talk to someone I had stuff in common with. My bf and I don't have many things in common other than our perspectives of the future and our time spent together, but there are those little things like food and music or interests and hobbies.. im always open to His interests and would always show interest in what he likes, but I don't see him trying for me most of the time
But due to my past with guys, my bf doesn't like it when I talk to men, in general. I have never cheated on him and he always tells me I better not, even though I would NEVER CHEAT. I never approach men, or start conversations with them. But when I have to for class or work, I'm scared to tell him. I hate seeing him upset or angry. One time I had to be in a group with a guy, and he was literally me. I did not see ANY romance in our conversations, we were copies of each other from our interests to our childhood experiences. I was so nice to talk to him about our love of history, but I could never see me with him in any way more than that, copies. Does that make any sense? I meant to tell my bf about him but my fear his reaction stopped me. I know I should have, and my fear of conflict is no excuse for lying to him or not telling him about my group partner. My bf found out and he doesn't trust me. He randomly checks my phone and I feel like I deserve it, I do. I led myself here. I blocked the partner after the project was finished and I'm a terrible person for what I did to my Bf and the team member.
We started dating at the end of junior year and I was not planning on going to college with a bf. He followed me and hated the idea of long distance. My dream was to go to a college out of state and so that's what we did, together. I love him, he knows what makes me happy and we, almost, have the same humor. But I didn't imagine how stressful college was going to be with someone who never fully trusted you since the beginning. I don't know how to view this relationship.
This not at all me blaming him for anything. I've been thinking about how different I feel and have felt for years and I'm scared. I'm scared of change and disappointment. I have made my decisions and I have to live with them, I put myself in these situations and I tell myself I control my own life. I've been taking deeper dives in how I function and I'm scared im in a relationship that I won't be happy in. I say all of this but when I look into his eyes, all I see is my baby and his laughs brighten my days, but when I'm away from him, I feel like I can breathe unless some guy sits next to me in a class or talks to me at work. I love talking to people and with the place I work at, I feel alive around my coworkers. I have never felt a romantic interest in a guy but the second I mention him to my bf, he stares at me like I cheated on him.
I've been viewed attractive throughout these past few years, and I when I wear makeup he asks me why do I look this good and who are you trying to impress. No one, NO ONE I'm so TIRED of those words! I'm so sick of them because I do my makeup for my own pleasure, I love winged eyeliner and highlighter, I love how long my eyelashes get with mascara, but I will never wear makeup for the purpose to impress others, unless it's girls that wear winged liner too, I love talking to then about the brand they use and sharing tips and tricks. But we've discussed this so many times that it makes me sick. I understand but I don't understand why he keeps asking me this
We've talked about how he's been feeling more insecure lately due to his weight gain, but I ALWAYS give him reinsurance that I love him and will be by his side through this Rollercoaster we call living.
I'm all over the place. And my head hurts thinking about it all the time.
We don't live with each other but have planned to for years, and once I saved enough, we are, I'm excited and have wanted this for so long. But I like having my own space. I've always wanted my own place, my own kitchen, living room, just a place I control and manage with my things that make me feel brighter and optimistic, but I'm scared He's going to ruin it.
If anyone reads this, wow, I'm sorry. I've never told a soul this because I don't have money for a therapist (but I'll be getting insurance soon so I hope I can find one this year) and I need someone out there to just see and maybe comment on it. I'm so lost. Am I in love? I was, or was I ever in real love. I know I was and I'm. My feelings are so strong, I can't deal with them half of the time. I know I've made mistakes, trust me, I think about them too much to not feel ashamed all the time, but should I feel ashamed, I do. I've never cried so much I will say that. I'm sorry, I keep typing because I don't know what to do!
This was nice to get out. Thank you and goodnight
submitted by Dapper-Pin128 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
We talked about this before and he has told me I never have to do it of I don't want to, but I can tell bt his facial expressions and body language that he actually doesn't care. I say this as I've seen and noticed how, I mentioned to him how much I read into facial expression, yet since then, I have never seen him so persistent by showing me how sad he is that I don't want to give him pleasure. And the second i say, i’ll do it or start something, he would get so excited and happy. Or am i reading too much into it?
I love our deep conversations about life and how we love to watch and analyze movies that have deeper meanings, but I feel like he doesn't value some of my ideas or opinions, trying to correct me on a thought I had or out do me. Sometimes I feel like he tries to attack my intelligence due to how easy it is and how self conscious I am.
I grew up having an optimistic outlook on life, especially due to trying to keep my family happy and make the most out of the time I had with my dad due to his constant deployments throughout my childhood. There's no time to be sad, we need to cherish and make the most out of the time we have with each other. But since being with Him, I've felt a shadow of darkness on my outlook on life. He grww up with a pessimistic outlook, but he was so much happier when we started dating. When I try to lighten the mood, he somehow dampens the room, creating my tries of positivity into, what's the point of trying. I enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I never planned on changing him, but why does he want to change me? I get so excited over the little things, I feel so overjoyed by things like seeing hummingbirds close up to literally anything, but I feel like he makes fun of me for it. I love giving people compliments, from their nails to their stripped pants. It gives me the biggest smile to see their face light up. But why do i feel like I can't be myself around Him? I feel like I'm too much and have to calm down so he doesn't judge me or look at me with a condescending look.
I understand that we need to feel sadness from time to time, but there's something about picking out the little things that gives me thr biggest smile.
I told him how I feel about how certain things make me feel. I'm a emotionally sensitive person and I will cry for making him feel bad. I've never been so anxious in my life, I know college took a lot out of me, but what made it harder was how controlled I felt by Him. I made no friends, I've always had trouble making friends but the people I would find similarities with were with men. Of course. I never had so many similarities with someone before and it was so nice to talk to someone I had stuff in common with. My bf and I don't have many things in common other than our perspectives of the future and our time spent together, but there are those little things like food and music or interests and hobbies.. im always open to His interests and would always show interest in what he likes, but I don't see him trying for me most of the time
But due to my past with guys, my bf doesn't like it when I talk to men, in general. I have never cheated on him and he always tells me I better not, even though I would NEVER CHEAT. I never approach men, or start conversations with them. But when I have to for class or work, I'm scared to tell him. I hate seeing him upset or angry. One time I had to be in a group with a guy, and he was literally me. I did not see ANY romance in our conversations, we were copies of each other from our interests to our childhood experiences. I was so nice to talk to him about our love of history, but I could never see me with him in any way more than that, copies. Does that make any sense? I meant to tell my bf about him but my fear his reaction stopped me. I know I should have, and my fear of conflict is no excuse for lying to him or not telling him about my group partner. My bf found out and he doesn't trust me. He randomly checks my phone and I feel like I deserve it, I do. I led myself here. I blocked the partner after the project was finished and I'm a terrible person for what I did to my Bf and the team member.
We started dating at the end of junior year and I was not planning on going to college with a bf. He followed me and hated the idea of long distance. My dream was to go to a college out of state and so that's what we did, together. I love him, he knows what makes me happy and we, almost, have the same humor. But I didn't imagine how stressful college was going to be with someone who never fully trusted you since the beginning. I don't know how to view this relationship.
This not at all me blaming him for anything. I've been thinking about how different I feel and have felt for years and I'm scared. I'm scared of change and disappointment. I have made my decisions and I have to live with them, I put myself in these situations and I tell myself I control my own life. I've been taking deeper dives in how I function and I'm scared im in a relationship that I won't be happy in. I say all of this but when I look into his eyes, all I see is my baby and his laughs brighten my days, but when I'm away from him, I feel like I can breathe unless some guy sits next to me in a class or talks to me at work. I love talking to people and with the place I work at, I feel alive around my coworkers. I have never felt a romantic interest in a guy but the second I mention him to my bf, he stares at me like I cheated on him.
I've been viewed attractive throughout these past few years, and I when I wear makeup he asks me why do I look this good and who are you trying to impress. No one, NO ONE I'm so TIRED of those words! I'm so sick of them because I do my makeup for my own pleasure, I love winged eyeliner and highlighter, I love how long my eyelashes get with mascara, but I will never wear makeup for the purpose to impress others, unless it's girls that wear winged liner too, I love talking to then about the brand they use and sharing tips and tricks. But we've discussed this so many times that it makes me sick. I understand but I don't understand why he keeps asking me this
We've talked about how he's been feeling more insecure lately due to his weight gain, but I ALWAYS give him reinsurance that I love him and will be by his side through this Rollercoaster we call living.
I'm all over the place. And my head hurts thinking about it all the time.
We don't live with each other but have planned to for years, and once I saved enough, we are, I'm excited and have wanted this for so long. But I like having my own space. I've always wanted my own place, my own kitchen, living room, just a place I control and manage with my things that make me feel brighter and optimistic, but I'm scared He's going to ruin it.
If anyone reads this, wow, I'm sorry. I've never told a soul this because I don't have money for a therapist (but I'll be getting insurance soon so I hope I can find one this year) and I need someone out there to just see and maybe comment on it. I'm so lost. Am I in love? I was, or was I ever in real love. I know I was and I'm. My feelings are so strong, I can't deal with them half of the time. I know I've made mistakes, trust me, I think about them too much to not feel ashamed all the time, but should I feel ashamed, I do. I've never cried so much I will say that. I'm sorry, I keep typing because I don't know what to do!
This was nice to get out. Thank you and goodnight
2024.06.01 14:11 antaratasnim $10 Off 2.6 Quart 1300W Air Frying Oven with Touch Control Panel
 | https://preview.redd.it/nbizvdgnby3d1.png?width=359&format=png&auto=webp&s=8fad75697c6ec6cbc84499d2a3ca6d968dfb4061 submitted by antaratasnim to BestAirFryerShop [link] [comments] I recently purchased the 2.6 Quart 1300W Air Frying Oven with Touch Control Panel, Preheat, Quick Control, 100 Optional Menu, and Customizable Menu, and I wanted to share my detailed review. Plus, it's currently available with a $10 discount! Product Highlights:
I’ve tried several recipes with this air fryer, including:
The cleanup process is also hassle-free. The non-stick coating means food doesn’t stick, and the parts are dishwasher-safe, which is a huge plus. Pros:
If you’re in the market for a compact, efficient, and versatile air fryer, this one is a great choice—especially with the current $10 off deal. It's perfect for quick meals, healthier cooking, and offers a wide range of recipes and customization options. |
2024.06.01 14:08 generichuman27ABF9 Launching TaskBridge: Export your Apple Reminders & Notes to NextCloud, a local folder, or CalDAV - and keep them in sync [looking for contributors & feedback]
TL;DR;
I've created an open source app which synchronises Apple Notes & Reminders to Markdown (ex: NextCloud Notes) and CalDAV (ex: NextCloud Tasks), respectively. It's a new project and I need help. Check it out on GitHub.
Background
I love Linux, and I love open source, but for reasons of both work and family I'm stuck using a lot of Apple stuff, which includes Notes & Reminders, which I love. However, there's never been a way of synchronising notes and reminders to any other platform (I mean proper, 2-way sync), and the only way of accessing your Apple Notes & Reminders from Linux is to use web apps.
Solution
I've created an open source app called TaskBridge. It runs on a Mac, and uses AppleScript to interact with the local Notes and Reminders apps. It can then export notes to a folder, converting them to Markdown, and vice versa. It can also synchronise reminders via CalDAV. The idea is to synchronise Notes and Reminders with something like NextCloud, which would then allow you to have 2-way sync with easy access from Linux or any other platform.
You can check out the project's website here, and the GitHub page here.
Limitations
This is, of course, not a perfect solution. Apple does NOT make it easy to access the data in the respective apps and, even with AppleScript, many features (such as checkable TODO items in Notes) are simply not exportable. That said, I've tried to do the best I can to get around limitations, and I have images, links and attachments working in notes, and even alarms in reminders.
What I Need
I'm not a professional full-time programmer. I'm more of a dabbler, so I'm sure there are much better ways of doing what I've done. Primarily, I need people willing to test the app, submit issues and, ideally, create pull requests to keep improving the app.
Also, I am absolutely horrible at UX/UI. The app does have a GUI which works, but I'm sure it can be a hundred times better. A few better-made assets and icons wouldn't hurt either.
Simply providing feedback would also help. This is my first non-script contribution to open source, so I would appreciate your comments and general feedback. I intend to keep the app free and 100% open source forever, but might upload a paid version to the App Store at some point to help support development. This is a bit of a niche project, so getting testers is not easy, and I don't think it's a good enough app at this stage to actually charge a few dollars for it.
Quick Technical Stuff
The project is written in Python, with a CLI interface being available, as well as a PyQt6 GUI. It requires a Mac system to run, since it needs access to the locally-installed Notes and Reminders apps. AppleScript is used to interact with the local Notes/Reminders apps. The project is (IMHO) very well documented on RTD, with end-user documentation also available here and some pretty good test coverage (at least for the back-end).
Any contributions, feedback, constructive criticism and so on are greatly appreciated. This is my first publicly-released open-source app!
submitted by generichuman27ABF9 to opensource [link] [comments]
I've created an open source app which synchronises Apple Notes & Reminders to Markdown (ex: NextCloud Notes) and CalDAV (ex: NextCloud Tasks), respectively. It's a new project and I need help. Check it out on GitHub.
Background
I love Linux, and I love open source, but for reasons of both work and family I'm stuck using a lot of Apple stuff, which includes Notes & Reminders, which I love. However, there's never been a way of synchronising notes and reminders to any other platform (I mean proper, 2-way sync), and the only way of accessing your Apple Notes & Reminders from Linux is to use web apps.
Solution
I've created an open source app called TaskBridge. It runs on a Mac, and uses AppleScript to interact with the local Notes and Reminders apps. It can then export notes to a folder, converting them to Markdown, and vice versa. It can also synchronise reminders via CalDAV. The idea is to synchronise Notes and Reminders with something like NextCloud, which would then allow you to have 2-way sync with easy access from Linux or any other platform.
You can check out the project's website here, and the GitHub page here.
Limitations
This is, of course, not a perfect solution. Apple does NOT make it easy to access the data in the respective apps and, even with AppleScript, many features (such as checkable TODO items in Notes) are simply not exportable. That said, I've tried to do the best I can to get around limitations, and I have images, links and attachments working in notes, and even alarms in reminders.
What I Need
I'm not a professional full-time programmer. I'm more of a dabbler, so I'm sure there are much better ways of doing what I've done. Primarily, I need people willing to test the app, submit issues and, ideally, create pull requests to keep improving the app.
Also, I am absolutely horrible at UX/UI. The app does have a GUI which works, but I'm sure it can be a hundred times better. A few better-made assets and icons wouldn't hurt either.
Simply providing feedback would also help. This is my first non-script contribution to open source, so I would appreciate your comments and general feedback. I intend to keep the app free and 100% open source forever, but might upload a paid version to the App Store at some point to help support development. This is a bit of a niche project, so getting testers is not easy, and I don't think it's a good enough app at this stage to actually charge a few dollars for it.
Quick Technical Stuff
The project is written in Python, with a CLI interface being available, as well as a PyQt6 GUI. It requires a Mac system to run, since it needs access to the locally-installed Notes and Reminders apps. AppleScript is used to interact with the local Notes/Reminders apps. The project is (IMHO) very well documented on RTD, with end-user documentation also available here and some pretty good test coverage (at least for the back-end).
Any contributions, feedback, constructive criticism and so on are greatly appreciated. This is my first publicly-released open-source app!
2024.06.01 14:03 AdditionalWar8759 Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast: Episode from June 1st, “Chapter 28: Going Rogue Isn’t Easy”
***ads play and podcast starts at 1:47
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 38:08
Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
***end
submitted by AdditionalWar8759 to vanderpumprules [link] [comments]
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 38:08
Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
***end
2024.06.01 14:01 Secret-Property5498 Breaking free from your narcissistic parent as an adult child (long)
Hello Dr. K and the HealthyGamer community,
I am seeking advice, support, and insights on how to emotionally separate and individuate from my parents later in life, which I should have done much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I need to do, but there's also a part of me that is frightened. Let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long, but I want to provide as much context as possible. If you prefer a short summary of my dilemma, please skip to the last paragraph. Otherwise, here is my life story:
I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country. My parents had me in their early 20s, just as their business began to flourish during the 'boom years.' Both came from very broken families. My mother experienced poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favorite child in his family of three, dropped out of high school, ended up on the streets, and, as I learned a few years ago, was later imprisoned for fighting. My parents met when my mother was 19 and my father 21, ran away together, and built a very successful business in their early to mid-20s, becoming incredibly wealthy in a generally poor society.
Although we were affluent, my parents were never around. I started boarding at age 3 and spent most of my time outside school with my paternal grandparents and occasionally my maternal grandmother. My parents fought a lot. My mother once threatened to take me away and drove off with me with no specific destination. At one point, she told me she was divorcing my father, and we moved into another apartment for a day before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, saying she would die for me and that no one would love me as much as she did. She also hit me often over small things, sometimes in public. I thought she was better than my father, who, according to her, would remarry quickly if she left or died, subjecting me to abuse from an evil stepmother.
Despite our wealth, my mother took me out of an international school after six months and sent me to a state school known for being strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but around age 12 or 13, I became very depressed and felt life had no purpose. I failed almost all my subjects except History and started drinking, influenced by my father's heavy drinking and a culture that tolerated alcoholism.
Then something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family emigrated to an Anglophone New World country, and I went to another boarding school. Despite experiencing racism and feeling self-conscious about my appearance, I improved academically and, by years 12 and 13, was among the best students. Between ages 13-18, I saw my father rarely, perhaps once or twice a year. My mother visited periodically, and they bought a house near the school, where I lived mostly alone. Like many first-generation immigrant kids, I handled most family matters because my parents couldn't speak English.
When it was time for university, I wanted to study law and politics at the local public university, but my father insisted I go to the UK or the US, believing a degree from the local university would not lead to a good job. He also prevented me from taking a gap year. I regret not leaving home to get a job. I applied to many universities and chose the worst-ranked one in London because I wanted to be in the city.
University was eye-opening. I discovered Europe and realized the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and backwater suburbs I knew. However, my degree didn't prepare me for life, and my emotionally underdeveloped state made me miserable in adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant or abusive friends, hurt people who liked me, and did no internships or travel because I was expected to help my family during holidays. I wanted to stay in London, looked for random jobs, but had no life skills or work experience. Eventually, I returned to East Asia.
By then, my father had moved to a more cosmopolitan East Asian city, living extravagantly. I interned at a fancy company for almost a year, hoping for a job offer that never came. I soon found a job in brand consulting and finally started earning money at 23. I had a relationship with an older woman, but I was still emotionally detached. I tried freelancing, learned to impress others, and almost made enough to support myself, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I experienced my first depressive episode and decided to return to London for a Master's degree. My father agreed to fund my education.
That year was the happiest of my life. I loved university, research, and being with smart, nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together. I discovered more fulfilling ways to live and found that success didn't mean working for an investment bank or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, applied for a PhD, and got in after two attempts.
Academia wasn't all rosy. The work conditions were awful, and the publish-or-perish mentality sucked the joy out of research. I loved teaching but quickly learned it mattered little at a 'research university.' I gained weight, my relationship deteriorated, arguments turned physical, and I felt worthless. The pandemic made things worse, and I felt I needed to radically change my life. My solution was to become the person my family wanted: filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to abandon my life in London and move back to East Asia to 'stop being a loser.'
I returned home, trying to fix my family and shower them with love. I interned at a VC firm, but it clashed with my values, and I cried every day at work. I broke up with my girlfriend for someone with no emotional attachment, leading to great sex but zero intimacy. Within three months, I was broke, living in a short-term rental, and eating unhealthily. Fortunately, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend gave me a second chance. I realized my family's emotional neglect contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated, which helped me move out of paralysis. I confronted my family about their past actions and my diagnosis. My mother reacted poorly, calling me names and accusing me of being a horrible son. This ordeal made me realize I needed to break away from them. What I threw away in London was actually the most valuable: a career, a family, my identity.
After confronting my mother that year, she vowed never to see me again. However, 6-8 months later, she sent me a large sum of money for my birthday. I let her back into my life, partly for financial help but also seeking proof of their love and acceptance. Things improved initially, but soon she started complaining about mistreatment by my partner. Then, my parents promised to buy me a flat and pressured me to get married. I accepted the flat for stability and freedom, ignoring their past behavior. Predictably, the flat became a tool for my mother to control me. She threatened to sue me if my girlfriend moved in and disputed the flat's ownership just weeks before the move-in date. I have a demanding job and spend much of my day dealing with this situation, processing the emotional toll of my mother's actions. I feel unsafe, violated, and confused. I hear a voice telling me this is all my fault and that I'm too weak. I know what I need to do cognitively, but emotionally I'm paralyzed. Do you understand what I mean? What would you do?
submitted by Secret-Property5498 to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
I am seeking advice, support, and insights on how to emotionally separate and individuate from my parents later in life, which I should have done much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I need to do, but there's also a part of me that is frightened. Let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long, but I want to provide as much context as possible. If you prefer a short summary of my dilemma, please skip to the last paragraph. Otherwise, here is my life story:
I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country. My parents had me in their early 20s, just as their business began to flourish during the 'boom years.' Both came from very broken families. My mother experienced poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favorite child in his family of three, dropped out of high school, ended up on the streets, and, as I learned a few years ago, was later imprisoned for fighting. My parents met when my mother was 19 and my father 21, ran away together, and built a very successful business in their early to mid-20s, becoming incredibly wealthy in a generally poor society.
Although we were affluent, my parents were never around. I started boarding at age 3 and spent most of my time outside school with my paternal grandparents and occasionally my maternal grandmother. My parents fought a lot. My mother once threatened to take me away and drove off with me with no specific destination. At one point, she told me she was divorcing my father, and we moved into another apartment for a day before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, saying she would die for me and that no one would love me as much as she did. She also hit me often over small things, sometimes in public. I thought she was better than my father, who, according to her, would remarry quickly if she left or died, subjecting me to abuse from an evil stepmother.
Despite our wealth, my mother took me out of an international school after six months and sent me to a state school known for being strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but around age 12 or 13, I became very depressed and felt life had no purpose. I failed almost all my subjects except History and started drinking, influenced by my father's heavy drinking and a culture that tolerated alcoholism.
Then something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family emigrated to an Anglophone New World country, and I went to another boarding school. Despite experiencing racism and feeling self-conscious about my appearance, I improved academically and, by years 12 and 13, was among the best students. Between ages 13-18, I saw my father rarely, perhaps once or twice a year. My mother visited periodically, and they bought a house near the school, where I lived mostly alone. Like many first-generation immigrant kids, I handled most family matters because my parents couldn't speak English.
When it was time for university, I wanted to study law and politics at the local public university, but my father insisted I go to the UK or the US, believing a degree from the local university would not lead to a good job. He also prevented me from taking a gap year. I regret not leaving home to get a job. I applied to many universities and chose the worst-ranked one in London because I wanted to be in the city.
University was eye-opening. I discovered Europe and realized the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and backwater suburbs I knew. However, my degree didn't prepare me for life, and my emotionally underdeveloped state made me miserable in adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant or abusive friends, hurt people who liked me, and did no internships or travel because I was expected to help my family during holidays. I wanted to stay in London, looked for random jobs, but had no life skills or work experience. Eventually, I returned to East Asia.
By then, my father had moved to a more cosmopolitan East Asian city, living extravagantly. I interned at a fancy company for almost a year, hoping for a job offer that never came. I soon found a job in brand consulting and finally started earning money at 23. I had a relationship with an older woman, but I was still emotionally detached. I tried freelancing, learned to impress others, and almost made enough to support myself, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I experienced my first depressive episode and decided to return to London for a Master's degree. My father agreed to fund my education.
That year was the happiest of my life. I loved university, research, and being with smart, nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together. I discovered more fulfilling ways to live and found that success didn't mean working for an investment bank or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, applied for a PhD, and got in after two attempts.
Academia wasn't all rosy. The work conditions were awful, and the publish-or-perish mentality sucked the joy out of research. I loved teaching but quickly learned it mattered little at a 'research university.' I gained weight, my relationship deteriorated, arguments turned physical, and I felt worthless. The pandemic made things worse, and I felt I needed to radically change my life. My solution was to become the person my family wanted: filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to abandon my life in London and move back to East Asia to 'stop being a loser.'
I returned home, trying to fix my family and shower them with love. I interned at a VC firm, but it clashed with my values, and I cried every day at work. I broke up with my girlfriend for someone with no emotional attachment, leading to great sex but zero intimacy. Within three months, I was broke, living in a short-term rental, and eating unhealthily. Fortunately, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend gave me a second chance. I realized my family's emotional neglect contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated, which helped me move out of paralysis. I confronted my family about their past actions and my diagnosis. My mother reacted poorly, calling me names and accusing me of being a horrible son. This ordeal made me realize I needed to break away from them. What I threw away in London was actually the most valuable: a career, a family, my identity.
After confronting my mother that year, she vowed never to see me again. However, 6-8 months later, she sent me a large sum of money for my birthday. I let her back into my life, partly for financial help but also seeking proof of their love and acceptance. Things improved initially, but soon she started complaining about mistreatment by my partner. Then, my parents promised to buy me a flat and pressured me to get married. I accepted the flat for stability and freedom, ignoring their past behavior. Predictably, the flat became a tool for my mother to control me. She threatened to sue me if my girlfriend moved in and disputed the flat's ownership just weeks before the move-in date. I have a demanding job and spend much of my day dealing with this situation, processing the emotional toll of my mother's actions. I feel unsafe, violated, and confused. I hear a voice telling me this is all my fault and that I'm too weak. I know what I need to do cognitively, but emotionally I'm paralyzed. Do you understand what I mean? What would you do?
2024.06.01 13:56 genericusername1904 H.G. WELLS’S, THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME (1933) VS. 1984 AND BRAVE NEW WORLD
 | ID, IX. MAIORES. V, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.I discovered this book by complete chance last year – a very old hardback copy was given to me as gift (in a situation which was certainly weighted with the most unlikely of synchronicities), “huh,” I thought, “it’s a first edition of H.G. Wells,” the book itself almost cannot be opened because it is so old and falling apart so I procured a text and audio file of the thing relatively easily and began to read. In hindsight not only for myself but I fancy for the generations of the last fifty years - in all totality, it is deeply strange that this book has not been more widely recognized or taught in schools, as like 1984 and Brave New World, as being the third contender (although technically the second, published one year after Huxley – seemingly written at the same time interestingly enough) in “visions of dystopia” – except that the book is not so much a vision of dystopia tomorrow but a vision of dystopia ‘today’ or rather ‘life as we know it’ of the 19th, 20th and 21st Centuries (endless war, endless pandemics, economic and logistic chaos), narrated from the comfortable and reassuring position of a society far far in the future who have long since revised their culture and solved all of the causes of the problems and become a society of genius polymaths “with (every Man and Woman) the intellectual equal of the polymaths of the ancient world.”Now, I do not mean here to seem to ‘sweet-talk’ the reader into rushing out and buying this book or to hold it up in the manner of those other books as if it were some ideological blueprint but instead to assay the thing in the natural context which seems to me to be universally unrealized and which presents itself to us as a thing which is plainly self-evident, that is: that in the depressing and miserable dichotomy of 1984 and Brave New World; two extremely atomizing and miserable narratives, that there is also – far more empowering – The Shape Of Things To Come wherein the miserable protagony and antagony of both 1984 and Brave New World might read as merely a footnote somewhere in the middle of the book as an example of the witless measures mankinds old master undertook to preserve their power in an untenable circumstance. In other words, we know all about 1984 as children; we have this drummed into our heads and we glean our cultural comprehension that dictators cannot be cliques of business people but only lone individuals, usually in military uniform, and then we graduate from that to Brave New World to gain a more sophisticated comprehension of the feckless consumerism and ‘passive egoism’ by which our society actually operates, but then we do not – as I argue we ought – continue along in our education with this third book which actually addresses the matters at hand at a more adult level. For instance, here, from ‘The Breakdown Of Finance And Social Morale After Versailles’ (Book One, Chapter Twelve) addresses in a single paragraph the cause of our continual economic chaos (of which all crime and poverty and war originates from) and highlights the problem from which this chaos cannot be resolved yet could easily be resolved, “adjustment was left to blind and ill-estimated forces,” “manifestly, a dramatic revision of the liberties of enterprise was necessary, but the enterprising people who controlled politics (would be) the very last people to undertake such a revision,” …the expansion of productive energy was being accompanied by a positive contraction of the distributive arrangements which determined consumption. The more efficient the output, the fewer were the wages-earners. The more stuff there was, the fewer consumers there were. The fewer the consumers, the smaller the trading profits, and the less the gross spending power of the shareholders and individual entrepreneurs. So buying dwindled at both ends of the process and the common investor suffered with the wages- earner. This was the "Paradox of Overproduction" which so troubled the writers and journalists of the third decade of the twentieth century.It is easy for the young student to-day to ask "Why did they not adjust?" But let him ask himself who there was to adjust. Our modern superstructure of applied economic science, the David Lubin Bureau and the General Directors' Board, with its vast recording organization, its hundreds of thousands of stations and observers, directing, adjusting, apportioning and distributing, had not even begun to exist. Adjustment was left to blind and ill-estimated forces. It was the general interest of mankind to be prosperous, but it was nobody's particular interest to keep affairs in a frame of prosperity. Manifestly a dramatic revision of the liberties of enterprise was necessary, but the enterprising people who controlled politics, so far as political life was controlled, were the very last people to undertake such a revision.There is a clever metaphor I fancy that Wells worked in to this for the ‘actual’ defacto controlling class of things, that is: not really the politicians (sorry to disappoint the Orwell and conspiracy fans) but instead the ‘Dictatorship of the Air’ which might easily read as the ‘Dictatorship of the Airwaves’ – in colloquial language, that being radio and then television. Certainly we might imagine Rupert Murdoch or Ted Turner or Sumner Redstone (of yesterday) entering into honourable retirement as like the ‘dictators of the air’ of the very last days before the establishment of a one world state – in any case that is how things would work out, as the power of, say, Ted Turner to eradicate a political party in the United States – at any time he wishes – by simply green-lighting coverage of their bad actions relentlessly for months until revolution occurs is a real power of which no other institution possesses nor possesses any means of defence against, i.e. the ‘real power’ in our world to end a war or begin or war or end this or begin that is that power held by the organized press. This metaphor is somewhat of a more mature view, I think, than Wells earlier conception of the press in The Sleeper Awakes (1899) where the press of a dystopian future is visualized as a “babble machine” spreading circular nonsense to preoccupy the citizenry (although this is arguably a true representation of the mental processes of the Twitter and Facebook user, or of the general baby-speak and extremely infantile form of the news reports on the front page of the BBC News website) which is more or less what the press depicted as being in Brave New World also.However the construction of sudden new realities (or sudden ‘actualities’) presented by the equation of interdependent technological innovations (i.e. the radio and the television in this instance) is mentioned early on in The Shape Of Things To Come in ‘How The Idea And Hope Of The Modern World State First Appeared’ (Book One, Chapter Two), The fruitlessness of all these premature inventions is very easily explained. First in the case of the Transatlantic passage; either the earlier navigators who got to America never got back, or, if they did get back, they were unable to find the necessary support and means to go again before they died, or they had had enough of hardship, or they perished in a second attempt. Their stories were distorted into fantastic legends and substantially disbelieved. It was, indeed, a quite futile adventure to get to America until the keeled sailing ship, the science of navigation, and the mariner's compass had been added to human resources. (Then), in the matter of printing, it was only when the Chinese had developed the systematic manufacture of abundant cheap paper sheets in standard sizes that the printed book—and its consequent release of knowledge—became practically possible. Finally the delay in the attainment of flying was inevitable because before men could progress beyond precarious gliding it was necessary for metallurgy to reach a point at which the internal combustion engine could be made. Until then they could build nothing strong enough and light enough to battle with the eddies of the air.In an exactly parallel manner, the conception of one single human community organized for collective service to the common weal had to wait until the rapid evolution of the means of communication could arrest and promise to defeat the disintegrative influence of geographical separation. That rapid evolution came at last in the nineteenth century, and it has been described already in a preceding chapter of this world history. Steam power, oil power, electric power, the railway, the steamship, the aeroplane, transmission by wire and aerial transmission followed each other very rapidly. They knit together the human species as it had never been knit before. Insensibly, in less than a century, the utterly impracticable became not merely a possible adjustment but an urgently necessary adjustment if civilization was to continue.In other words, then, a global state (or, rather, such power in general held by the press as I see the analogy extending to them as being the ‘Dictatorship of the Airwaves’) was impossible to imagine and completely laughable before the technologies had stacked together to reveal as like in a simple piece of arithmetic which produced a single outcome of the equation; that no sooner had the technologies existed then the thing had become an actual reality – in that 1) unassailable political power had been unthinkingly dropped into the lap of the owners of the press, but that more importantly as consequence that therefore 2) mankind was subject to that power, that is: the situation existed the moment the technologies did – and this whether any living person had even realized it, as I think quite naturally all the time Men and Women invent things that they really have no notion of the fullest or most optimal uses of (“nothing is needed by fools, for: they do not understand how to use anything but are in want of everything,” Chrysippus), e.g. in no metaphor the television was quite literally invented as a ‘ghost box’ to commune with ghosts imagined to reveal themselves by manipulating the black and white of the static until someone else had the idea that there was at least one other use for that contraption.It is quite strange, also, that in contemporary times we have for ages been heavily propagandized ‘against’ the idea of a “one world state” as if, say, all the crimes and fecklessness that have gone on in our lifetimes are somehow secretly building towards the creation of such a thing – not a thing you would naturally conclude from an observation of those events nor a thing advocated for by anybody (insofar as I have ever heard) but it is a thing which would be the first logical response to ‘preventing’ such crimes from ever occurring again – such as like the already widely practiced concept of a Senate-Style Federation of Sovereign States rather than a hundred or so mutually antagonistic polities capable of bombing themselves or screwing up their economies and creating waves of refugees or mass starvation or pandemics, and so on. For instance, All Egypt is dependent on the flow of the Nile which originates in what is today another country, that other country recently decimated the flow of the Nile by gumming up the Nile with a Hydroelectric Dam; such an outcome would not occur if the total mass of the land itself was governed as the single interconnected economic and environmental system that it is in physical reality of which, when divided along arbitrary borderlines, there is no means to govern the entirety of the region in an amicable and prosperous manner for all as a whole and no recourse to the otherwise intolerable situation but War which is unlikely to occur – as most Nations are comprised of civilized peoples who rightly loath the concept of War – but it is the single and unavoidable outcome to resolve such a situation until that situation has dragged on for decades, causing immense suffering, until it reaches that point of desperation – the matter of Palestine and Israel, fresh to my mind in these days, raises itself also. Of the matter of War itself, in ‘The Direct Action Of The Armament Industries In Maintaining War Stresses’ (Book One, Chapter Eleven), Wells relays in 1933 what United States President Eisenhower would later remark in 1961 in his farewell address of the dangers of the Military Industrial Complex; albeit far more analytically on Wells part, that: it is not so much the ‘desire to harm’ on the part of the armament industries which sees them engage in unnecessary build-up of weapons stockpiles but that it is simply their business to produce, to stockpile, produce more deadly variants and stockpile the more deadly variants and sell off their old stockpiles to whomsoever rings their doorbell; for instance the on-going War in Ukraine is no different in this regard to the Viet Cong and NATO Warfare in Vietnam in that massive quantities of cheap munitions were necessary for the war to be fought in the first place and massive quantities of munitions happened to exist as a by-product of the Armaments Industries to be dumped onto the warring parties in order to facilitate their macabre impulses at the expense of the citizenry; both at their cost in terms of the debt taken on to procure the weaponry on the part of their governments and in terms of their lives when the weaponry was utilized to the outcome of massive loss of life of a single peoples within a bordered space – a thing of no value to themselves. Simply put, albeit in a very simplistic reduction to the bare basics: the War would not reached such catastrophic inhuman proportions without massive quantities of cheap Armaments that otherwise sat taking up warehouse space for more valuable Armaments on the part of the producer and seller. In a perpetual progress in the size and range of great guns, in a vast expansion of battleships that were continually scrapped in favour of larger or more elaborate models, (Armament Firms) found a most important and inexhaustible field of profit. The governments of the world were taken unawares, and in a little while the industry, by sound and accepted methods of salesmanship, was able to impose its novelties upon these ancient institutions with their tradition of implacable mutual antagonism. It was realized very soon that any decay of patriotism and loyalty would be inimical to this great system of profits, and the selling branch of the industry either bought directly or contrived to control most of the great newspapers of the time, and exercised a watchful vigilance on the teaching of belligerence in schools. Following the established rules and usages for a marketing industrialism, and with little thought of any consequences but profits, the directors of these huge concerns built up the new warfare that found its first exposition in the Great War of 1914-18, and gave its last desperate and frightful convulsions in the Polish wars of 1940 and the subsequent decades.Even at its outset in 1914-18 this new warfare was extraordinarily uncongenial to humanity. It did not even satisfy man's normal combative instincts. What an angry man wants to do is to beat and bash another living being, not to be shot at from ten miles distance or poisoned in a hole. Instead of drinking delight of battle with their peers, men tasted all the indiscriminating terror of an earthquake. The war literature stored at Atacama, to which we have already referred, is full of futile protest against the horror, the unsportsmanlike quality, the casual filthiness and indecency, the mechanical disregard of human dignity of the new tactics. But such protest itself was necessarily futile, because it did not go on to a clear indictment of the forces that were making, sustaining and distorting war. The child howled and wept and they did not even attempt to see what it was had tormented it.To us nowadays it seems insane that profit-making individuals and companies should have been allowed to manufacture weapons and sell the apparatus of murder to all comers. But to the man of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries it seemed the most natural thing in the world. It had grown up in an entirely logical and necessary way, without any restraint upon the normal marketing methods of peace-time commerce, from the continually more extensive application of new industrial products to warfare. Even after the World War catastrophe, after that complete demonstration of the futility of war, men still allowed themselves to be herded like sheep into the barracks, to be trained to consume, and be consumed, by new lines of slaughter goods produced and marketed by the still active armament traders. And the accumulation of a still greater and still more dangerous mass of war material continued.The book is, if the reader has likely already gathered from the excerpts, not written in the style of a protagonal narrative; i.e. not as a story, i.e. no hero and no villain, but as a sort of a Historia Augusta – that is really the most fitting comparison I think of when trying to describe this to a new reader (or perhaps J.J. Scarisbrick’s Henry VIII), that is to say it is written ‘as’ a History in the classical style we are familiar with from the better of the ancient writers, as like Appian or Cassius Dio, but unlike Suetonius or Tacitus it is absent of the sloppy hinging of all bad things on the highly personalized propaganda ad hominem (i.e. blame the fall of empire on one guy) that goes in those narrative works as we are typically familiar with them.It is, of course, a work a fiction; although Wells did predict World War Two beginning in late 1939-1940 (although he had Poland putting up much better and longer of a fight against the Germans) and various other innovations, beginning from his own day with a true account of events prior to his own day – giving us a valuable account of affairs and actors prior to 1933 which would otherwise not come easily to any of us to discover. But the book, ultimately, is vehicle for the transmission and discussion of these societal (i.e. social, economic, industrial, logistic) matters presented to the audience of the day fresh, in their own minds, from the abject horror recently witnessed in World War One – and the economic catastrophes of which Roosevelts reforms had not yet come into tangible reality (i.e. relief for the poor, public works projects such as the motorways across America) as is discussed in that other seemingly little known H.G. Wells literary offering in his face-to-face interview with Josef Stalin the following year in 1934 (something which I think is of far more historical value than say, Nixon and Frost or Prince Andrew and Emily Maitlis), so as to ‘avert’ another crisis and pluck from the ether a seemingly alternate trajectory of where Mankind might at last get its act together. This ‘novel’ (thought it seems strange to call it that) ought be read, I would advise, in conjunction with ‘The Sleeper Awakes’ (1899) and also the (actually very depressing – I would not advise it) short-story prequel ‘A Story Of The Days To Come’ (1897) – set in that same universe – which, perhaps it is because I am English, seems to me to be a black horror show of the reality that we actually find ourselves living in this far into an actually dystopic future – or perhaps yet with the ‘strange windmills’ powering the mega cities that this a future yet to come (no pun intended); the broken speech, the babble machines, the miserable condition of the Working Class and their consumption of pre-packaged soft bread, the desire to flee the urban sprawl into the dilapidated countryside and make a little life in a run-down house with tacky wallpaper peeling away … ah, forgive me, my point is that ‘our condition’; i.e. those of us literate in English, is quite analogous to the condition of the central characters in those two stories; a culture dulled intellectually to the point that they can barely speak or think, being appraised and assayed by ourselves; those of us simply literate, as to render our commentary stuck as to seem as mutually alien as like Caesar in Gaul. However, it is in the context of the frame given to us in ‘The Shape Of Things To Come’ that we might gain a degree of sanity about this self-same situation; to study and lean into that dispassionate quality as to discern the nature of things as they are and recognize how important this quality is in relation to Well’s ultimate outcome for the best possible position of Humankind far far future, that is: that of Humankind’s vital intellectual capacity, and that the most striking message of STC, beyond all we have mentioned in this little overview, is that intellectual capacity in and of itself. For example, when we consider the ‘actuality’ of the power of Turner or perhaps Zuckerberg in his heyday, for instance, we consider a power fallen into a Mans lap by an accidental stacking of disparate technologies created not by himself but of which possess a power utterly dependent in that same equation upon on a population being ‘witless’ in the first place and so led slavishly by the “babble machines”. However you cut it, reader, the great uplifting of Humankind to a standard of autonomy and intellectual prowess – not held by an elite but possessed by All People – is a thing both intrinsically self-sufficient within our grasp for our own selves and is certainly the prerequisite for political matters in that intellectual capacity of the voting public determines entirely whether a public is tricked or foolish and gets themselves into trouble by undertaking some obvious error or whether they are immune to such trickery and foolishness in the first place and that their energies and time are spent on more valuable pursuits. It seems to me that our contemporary society has done away with the notion of good character through intellect and that we live with the outcome of this; being shepherded by emotional manipulation and brute force because our society at large is treated as if we lacked the verbal and intellectual toolsets to understand anything else – moreover possessing no means to discern whether or not what is forced onto us is right or wrong; truth or lies, and so on. Such a society as this, again it seems plain to me, is ‘any’ dystopia because it is the baseline composition for ‘all’ dystopia; as like the foolish dogma of an out-dated ideology for example rests itself upon a large enough contingent of the public being either treated as if they were or in fact are “too foolish” to discuss or think a thing through, so a dogma is poured over them like concrete creating, in turn, intolerable circumstances as the dogma, tomorrow, becomes out-dated and suddenly instructs them to do foolish things, as like in the “Banality Of Evil” (read: Hannah Arendt) as the character in all serious perpetrators of inhumanity who insist, with a confused expression on their faces, that they were just doing their job – and this ‘quality’, of extreme ignorance, is the composition of the culture where such ‘evil actions’ occur. I mean here that in STC we have on one hand a very in-depth account, very serious reading, to graduate the reader out of the depressive, atomizing, disempowering, conspiratorial milieu and mire of ‘life’ presented to us in 1984 and Brave New World, but that we have at the same time the very resonant harmonics that one does not need to “wait around for a distant future utopia” to “solve all the problems” but that the tools to do so are well within our grasp at any time we so choose and of which such an undertaking constitutes the foundation stones and tapestries of that future utopia which, I think, could be said to “meet us half-way” in many of these matters, as like we reach forward and they reach back and then those in the past reach forward and we in the present reach back; that is anyway what it is to learn from the past and anyway the answer to “why the Grandfather sews the seeds for trees from whose fruits he will never eat.” Valete. ID, IX. MAIORES. V, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.FULL TEXT ON GUTENBERG OF H.G. WELLS ‘THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME’ (1933)https://preview.redd.it/9l7yl9hx8y3d1.jpg?width=490&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d5a4109fb8e2193b94a6e244d92d4ec5b7b84a7 https://preview.redd.it/37vvsroy8y3d1.jpg?width=740&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e62ef5e11c1c4222d6f99ffebe82b3dd706cbc2f |